I’m bored and in a Newsies mood so here’s Newsies characters as things my friends have said recently
•Davey- “Brain breaking, back breaking.”
•Race- “Race make funny noise! Race abuse his power!”
•Kathrine- “Um, can someone throw me a—“
Crutchie- “I heard someone say wood. Hammer!”
•Jack- *is wearing cheap plastic handcuffs*
Jack- *yanks his wrists apart*
Jack- *breaks the handcuffs*
•Albert- *tries to unlock a lock*
Lock- *falls apart in his hands*
•Medda- “Don’t fall off the stage.”
Medda, making direct eye contact with Jack- “I’m talking to you. DO NOT FALL OFF THE STAGE.”
•Romeo- “Our lives have become a soap opera.”
•Spot- “When in doubt, drink your brandy!”
•Davey- “But if you feel uncomfortable—“
Jack- “Oh, I don’t feel . . . anything.”
•Crutchie- “What if every time Davey’s old lady bones cracked he lit up like a glow stick?”
Crutchie- “Like ‘this is Davey, he glows in the dark’.”
•Specs, meaning the Bee Movie musical- “Speaking of bees . . .”
Kathrine- *takes a million years for it to click*
•Kathrine- “You want to sit?”
Les- *collapses onto Davey*
•Albert- *makes bee puns all night and does not stop*
•Race- *sees a trampoline through the pitch black across the yard and runs over and starts jumping on it in the middle of the night*
•Jack- *tries to jump onto his back on the trampoline in the pitch black*
Jack- *lands on a pile of wood under it*
•Kathrine- “Yes. That’s it. I’m wearing tits.”
•Race- “Do you like tits?”
Kathrine-
Kathrine- “Having them?”
•Spot- “Does anyone want ice that I put under my armpits?”
•Les- *takes a million years to take Kathrine’s scrunchie out*
•Smalls- “Dead girls don’t need scrunchie!”
•Crutchie- *loses the tab in his lemonade can*
Crutchie- *shakes the can upside down to get it out and spills lemonade on Jack’s pants*
•Davey- *walks into the room from the cold outside*
Davey- *takes a chicken tender and leaves*
•Jack- *instructing Davy where to hold his delivery box* “The package should be here.” *holds it at penis level*
•Crutchie- *convinces himself that the wooden Cave of Wonders set piece lights up and convinces Romeo of this*
Crutchie and Romeo- *spend five minutes looking for a plug*
Crutchie- *after finding a plug that was not attached to the set but he though it was* “Does anyone have an extension cord?”
•Romeo, to Davey- “Do you have an extension cord? You look like the type of person to have an extension cord on them.”
•Davey- *pats his pockets* “Nope.”
•Jack, when Race once again misses his cue- “Come on, Pilar!”
Race- “WAIT! SMALLS ISN’T HERE! WAIT TWO SECONDS!”
Smalls- *runs to her place*
Race- “See? I wasn’t the last one!”
•Romeo- *has a random-ass rose in his bag*
Romeo- *gives people the petals every time someone comes into the room*
•Crutchie- “Davey, your new computer came in!”
Davey- “It did!”
Kathrine- *leaps up and runs over* “OOH, APPLE!”
•Race- “Why are Spot’s Cheezits so fresh?”
Spot- *intense confusion*
•Race- “That’s how I show affection.”
Les- “What’s how you show affection?”
Race- *points to Spot* “I burped in his face.”
•Medda- “Jack, this is the voice of someone who is at the end of their rope. You are not going to survive the rest of the day, much less rehearsal.”
•Mush- “I want to watch the moontains!”
•Mush- “I FOUND IT! THE MOONTAINS!”
•Jack- *does the “Whipped into Shape” dance*
Race- *singing* “I want you tripped into shape—“
•Jack- *does the “Whipped into Shape” dance with an expression of panic*
•Kathrine- *sits down on the bench*
Kathrine- *misses the bench and falls off*
•Jack- *tries to walk offstage*
Jack- *slams into the set*
•Crutchie and Kathrine- *dramatically duet “Serious” from Legally Blonde*
•Spot- *walks into the room wearing his Legally Blonde Dewey costume*
Spot, about the pants- “Don’t tell any of the costume people, but the top button ripped off.”
•Spot- “I don’t want to hit you in the nuts, but I will if I have to!”
•Kathrine- “If you’ve ever played basketball—“
Kathrine- *realizes she’s talking to a bunch of theatre kids*
Kathrine- “If you know what basketball is—if you’ve ever seen a basketball—“
•Kathrine- *in the middle of chorus, when Boots and Davey are arguing over whether or not tempo is fractions* “MY AMAZON ORDER SHIPPED!”
•Boots- “I am fraction.”
•Davey- “Think about the idea of testing a flying machine. What happens if it doesn’t work?”
Smalls- “Then it’s a dying machine!”
•Crutchie- “Ow!”
Jack- “What happened? You just bit a chip!”
Crutchie- “I don’t know!”
•Race- *puts his arms inside Jack’s massive coat like a straitjacket and tries to smack him with the sleeves*
Race- *almost falls off the stage*
•Elmer- “Where did you get a lollipop?”
Race, with the lollipop stick sticking out from his mouth- “There’s no lollipop.”
•Jack- *almost walks into the bathroom with a pair of drumsticks in his hands*
•Race- *to Spot* “Imagine having to use all the steps and having short legs—“
•Les- “It does taste like pine needles, though! It tastes like my backyard!”
•Les- “I can find parrots in my ceiling!”
•Race- *about boobs* “Big ol’ honkalonkas.”
•Kathrine- “You’re my favorite whore.”
•Jack, holding onto Davey’s leg as he slowly shuffles across the stage- “You’re dragging a hundred and forty pounds right now, how do you feel about it?”
Jack- “I have a straight view of your ass.”
Davey- “You’re also pulling my pants down.”
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