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#miss swif
beardedjoel · 4 months
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smother - part i: deliverance
dark!joel x f!reader
series masterlist | main masterlist | ao3 | kofi
summary: starving. lost. desperate. you find a cabin in the woods, and to your dismay, it's occupied. a plan to have a quick bite of food with an intense, intriguing stranger turns into more than you'd bargained for when he makes you realize everything you've been missing out on. 8.6k words chapter warnings: 18+ MDNI! noncon, nonconsensual touching, dubcon - reader eventually enthusiastically consents but the syndrome is stockholming so its dubcon, reader is a virgin, big juicy age gap (reader is 19, joel is late 40s) manipulation/lying/gaslighting, slow burn and tension building chapter, joel is kind of a creepy menace ngl a/n: i'm so so very excited to share the first chapter of my new series! (if this flops after how much i got hyped for it i will be logging off forever) the themes in this story are dark so if the tags aren’t for you it’s understandable & just keep scrollin on by! this will end up being nasty and smutty, but only after a wee bit of buildup so don't fear. comments and reblogs are always beyond appreciated!
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Save me. Please, anyone…
Another wave of desolate, crying desperation tears through you as you trudge along, tripping yet again - maybe over your own two feet, a root, the very ground you walk on, something. You’re much too hazy and burnt out to even care what you stumbled on as you just press on, press on, press on.
A wave of pain rolls through your stomach again as it burns cavernously empty. You move as a ghost, a shell of yourself now, using passing trees as support. Your hands touch the cold wood reluctantly, a painful little hiss through your teeth as your fingers practically cramp up from the cold. You’d lost your gloves somewhere along the way, days ago now, what feels like a lifetime. You need to stop and rest desperately now, your body close to giving out. Your heart hammers in fear, wondering if you’d even be able to get up again.
A cabin comes into view in the distance, tucked nicely in a clearing of trees. You think your eyes are deceiving you, that you’ve finally succumbed to the madness that comes with such hunger and loneliness, your brain conjuring up images to comfort you. You see smoke coming out of a chimney on the roof, and your heart equally swells and drops at the discovery - it’s not a shelter for you alone, no. Not a lucky discovery, somewhere to lay your head tonight that’s dry and warm without disturbance. Someone already lives here, has a home here, and they might not take too kindly to strangers. If there’s anything you’ve learned in the last few weeks of your own personal hell, it’s to tread carefully. Always.
You keep your footsteps light and quiet, trying to approach with some semblance of caution. Your empty stomach is pushing you along, begging for any scrap of food that might be inside, hopefully offered up to you by the kindness of a stranger. Berries and the occasional rabbit or lucky can of food found were not enough to live off of anymore - you could feel the way your body faded away by the day, losing any bit of strength you’d had in the first place.
You pause, hitching your breath and then barely daring to breathe at all when you get close enough to hear a sound - a low, throaty grunting followed by the crack of wood. Your eyes scan the area as you sneak closer and then land upon him. He’s broad and muscled, you can see that much from back here. Messy, dark hair that curls all around his head and down his neck. When his body turns enough that you see his face a little bit more, you notice he looks older and has dark, piercing eyes. They send a shudder through you, even from afar, only making you feel colder out in this frosty afternoon.
You wrap your coat a little tighter and decide to get closer, assess the situation, see if he seems friendly enough to give you something to eat and send you on your merry way. He swings an ax high up in the air and brings it down swiftly onto a large piece of wood, splitting it before tossing the logs into a pile already full of more firewood. You press your lips together, noticing how strong he is, betting there are well built up muscles underneath that flannel shirt of his. That makes him a threat, a big one, you quickly assess. 
You’re too distracted, not watching your step, when a large branch cracks underneath your boot. You wince and squeeze your eyes shut for a moment, holding perfectly still, your breath coming out in quick, staccato exhales.
“H-hey!” you hear a gruff voice, sounding out of breath. You peek your eyes open slowly to see the man looking in your direction and silently curse yourself. “C’mon out!” he yells, and you see him reach to his waist, hands grazing a shining revolver holstered there.
Your stomach pulls into tight knots and you stand frozen for a few moments. Your brain quickly assesses everything, weighing the options. Running away, with no possibility of eating a single thing is one option, but the likelihood this stranger will shoot you seems high no matter what, so you decide to take your chances.
You put your hands in front of you, palms out, and slowly emerge from behind the trees. You walk gingerly along the crisp, frosty grass, crunching under your feet every step of the way. Your anxious breaths come out in little puffs in front of you as the cold air enters and exits your lungs.
The man falters, his fist closing and then opening again, pulling away from the revolver on his hip a bit. He blinks hard, staring at you in this silent showdown. “W-well shit, you’re just a girl…” he finally says quietly to himself, his posture relaxing a little. You stand perfectly still, choked up now that you’re confronted with the idea of speaking to him, such a large, imposing wall of a man, and those eyes, god, those eyes.
“I’m not gonna hurt you if you don’t give me a reason to, now, girl.” His voice is the tiniest bit softer, and you pick up on his Southern drawl, an accent you’ve heard a few times before. “Do ya need help?” He wipes his forehead with the back of his arm, a gleam of sweat having built up from chopping wood and his large chest still heaving. He takes a step closer to you, and you don’t step back, but feel every muscle coil up tightly as your mind screams at you that this was a mistake, a huge fucking mistake. Your feet tingle, toes flexing and getting ready to run, but you can’t make yourself do it, to take that first step.
Instead, you nod. “I- y-yes…” you say quietly. You’ll never understand why you say it, other than the fact that you’re drawn in by him, by his chestnut hair flecked with gray, his patchy beard that he’s currently scratching. By his build that looks so… safe yet dangerous, but you get the feeling that no, he’d never hurt you. You envision those arms wrapping around you, holding you tightly, shielding you from the world and everything you’ve been through. You never thought much about relationships or boys before - just a few simple and innocent crushes, but it hadn’t been on your radar as such a shy kid and teenager. But this… this was what people talked about - attraction. It nearly stole your breath the closer you got to him, threatening to suck you into what felt like an endless void. 
“Alright,” the man replies, trying to match your quieter demeanor. He glances around, eyes narrowed and scanning the woods beyond you. “You with anyone? Or all alone out here?”
You know why he’s asking, you’ve seen what people can do - sending someone innocent and unimposing out to lay a trap, but you don’t lie when you shake your head. “A-alone. I’m alone, swear, sir.”
His jaw seems to tick, noticeable even from the distance you’re at before he answers you. “Okay, then. C’mon a little closer, I won’t bite, okay?” he says, and he’s so convincing that you do believe him, despite your instincts telling you otherwise. The world is cruel and unrelenting, taking away most of the trust you’ve ever had in humanity the second you place it into anything or anyone. 
You move a little closer, small, gentle steps, and he nods encouragingly. 
“Now there ya go. Look at ya…” he marvels with a click of his tongue, shaking his head once you’re just a few feet away from him. 
He takes in your messy hair, slightly matted from wearing a winter hat on and off the last few weeks and sleeping on the ground. Your clothes have seen better days too, your skin smudged with dirt no matter how many water sources you found to try and rinse off a little bit. Even despite all of that, he gazes at you with a curiosity, with that look of interest that you felt like you’d given him without trying to. It’s quiet for another moment, the both of you sizing each other up, until Joel’s look turns a little more pitiful when you shiver as a sudden gust of wind whips past you, your threadbare coat doing little to protect you from the chill in the air here. You can’t be sure if your shuddering has less to do with the wind and more with the way that this man’s eyes are digging into what feels like your very soul.
“We gotta get you inside, okay? You’re shakin’, and you look like you ain’t had a proper meal in… too long…” He continues to eye you up and down, taking in your weak frame. 
You stay silent for another moment, swallowing hard and then shuddering again. “I - I don’t know…” you breathe out. You might have some sudden, fantastical dream that this man is your savior, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be cautious - the mind is a tricky, deceiving thing.
“I ain’t gonna ask again, ain’t gonna beg ya, girl. C’mon,” he says a little more roughly, a hand shooting out quickly and grabbing you by the wrist and tugging. “Just want to get a good meal in you, alright?”
You wince at the grasp on your wrist, the roughness and hardness he’s starting to show you, but you let him pull, starting to move your feet and trail after him. 
“T-thank you…sir,” you murmur quietly, and he swings his head to look back at you, his eyes softening. 
“You’re welcome. Now get inside and get warm. I’ve got a fire goin’.” He lets go of your wrist, trusting you to follow him as his heavy boots clunk up the few steps leading to the front door of his cabin. It’s modest, beautifully constructed, all dark wood around the outside and a small porch. You start to wonder if this man built it himself, or just found it as it is. Your initial impression of him leads you to believe that he does seem like the type to build a whole god damn cabin. He half looks like a lumberjack already in the plaid flannel shirt, sleeves rolled up to his forearms. 
“Found this place ‘bout five years ago,” he says as if he could read your mind while he swings the door open. “Real nice and private, so don’t worry.”
Your eyes narrow slightly at his last comment, but you try to brush it off as you enter inside with him. The warm air hits your body, an immediate balm to your frayed nerves and chilled skin, a slightly smoky smell from the fire hits your nostrils and you immediately hear the crackle and pop of the logs in the little fireplace. The cabin is mainly one big room, a kitchen tucked into the corner right to the left of the door, and the living room beyond that with cozy couches and chairs, even a TV that you doubt is working but find yourself hopeful for some reason. It’s been a long time since you were able to watch a movie, flashing back to childhood memories when you’d lived in a more stable, thriving community that had power. 
Stairs beyond that lead to what you assume are bedrooms or a bathroom, and your eyes curiously take in all the little details and decor - the man’s jackets hanging along the wall near the entrance, his rifle propped next to the door and several different pairs of worn boots. 
You realize you’re just standing right near the doorway, silently looking around in a daze while your new acquaintance has been trying to get your attention. 
“Hey, girl, I’m talkin’ t’ya…” his voice says, the noise fading back into your consciousness.
You shake your head. “S-sorry,” you say quietly, a shy little squeak. “I was just -“
“S’alright. I got some stew goin’, that okay? I mean y’don’t have much of a choice, but I’ll ask anyhow,” he says with a wry chuckle. You simply nod in response. 
“Now go on, put your things down and sit ‘n get comfortable,” he waves towards the general direction of the kitchen table and the couch before turning back to the stove to stir the pot simmering there. You stand, feeling frozen still, panic threatening to climb up through your insides and completely take over. You still don’t feel safe, despite this man offering to warm you and feed you. How could you, you think, when you’ve been running for several weeks, trying to get away from the carnage that became your life. 
He eyes you, unmoving and frightened looking and sighs heavily. “I said,” he says, tension thickening in the air around you, “Sit.”
You clear your throat, desert dry and scratchy, and set your backpack by the door, slowly creeping over to the couch, not wanting to make this mystery man any angrier. You settle yourself down and the cushions feel like heaven, your legs and body achy from the lack of comfort you’ve had for weeks. You try not to show just how good it feels to settle into the soft, plush fabric, letting the cushions mold to your body.
“Good,” Joel coos as he glances at you from the stove. “Now that we’ve got you settled in, you got a name?”
You weakly tell him your name and he shows you the first little smile you’ve seen from him, nodding. “Gotcha. I’m Joel, okay?”
“O-okay.” You push the words out while you watch him stir the pot on the stove. You sit in silence for a few moments, thankful for the time to just catch your breath and think. Just one bowl of stew, and you’ll be out of here. You’ll ask if there’s a community nearby, somewhere that could take you in, then grab that information and run, not bother this man any more than you need to.
Joel walks over, handing you a cup of water that you shamelessly start to gulp down before he goes back and ladles some of the delicious smelling stew into a bowl. The second the scent hits you, your stomach rumbles loudly. Joel cracks a smile as he hears it and continues ladling, a brow quirked. 
“Hungry, huh?” he asks, walking the steaming bowl over to you with a spoon. You gingerly take it from his hands, being careful not to brush your still chilled fingers against his. You swear his eyes flash at you when he notices how avoidant you’re being, but he turns and walks back to the stove, getting himself a bowl as well. Joel settles down into a chair across from the couch where you sit with a weathered groan, just watching you for a few quiet moments. It does everything but put you at ease, your stomach twisting a little. You blow on a spoonful of stew before taking a bite, your mouth an explosion as it waters and takes in the delicious, rich, food. 
“Mmm,” you whine out, unable to help it. Your body wants to lunge forward, lap the stew up until every single drop is in your starved body and you can finally feel a sense of fullness again. You quickly take another spoonful, much too hot, and wince a little as it hits your tongue. 
“Slow on down, girl,” Joel says. “Let’s talk a little and it’ll slow down your eating.”
You just stare, noticing your body is trembling a little bit, and has been since you met Joel outside. You try to take a deep breath to settle your nerves, your legs so tensely pressed together that it's starting to hurt.
“You feelin’ afraid of me, that it?” he asks you, looking a little too self satisfied at the observation as he crosses his arms and leans towards you. His biceps bulge and stretch with the motion and you can’t help but find your eyes drawn to them, the way they pull at the soft flannel of his shirt. You feel your face heat up all the way to your ears and you blink hard, averting your eyes. 
“I- I mean… I don’t know you…” you mutter, trying to sound more confident than you feel.
“I know,” he says, sounding more sympathetic. “Done some bad things in my time, so hell, maybe you should be scared of me. I ain’t a nice guy. But I won’t hurt someone like you, promise ya that.” His words are enough of a reason for you to hightail it out of here the first second you can, but why do you believe them? Why do you believe him?
“How d-do you know I’m not bad too? That I don’t deserve it?” His eyes narrow and his lip twitches into a smirk before he lets out a mocking little chuckle in your direction.
“Oh sweetheart, a man jus’ knows these things. You never hurt even a fly, now have you?” That smirk stays plastered on Joel’s face as he asks and it frustrates you how little of a threat he sees in you, how little fight you have left to give. Yet you can’t find yourself blaming him, you think. If you were facing yourself in his position you’re sure you’d look like as much of a feeble joke as you feel.
You frown, still unable to look him in the eyes for longer than a few seconds, and shake your head. “No… just for hunting…” you admit.
“Alright then. Y’don’t need to act tough in front of me, girl, got it?” Joel concludes, going back to eating his stew.
“Got it,” you respond quietly, letting yourself sink further into the couch as you feel your muscles slowly relaxing.
“Now tell me... what’s this all about? What’s a little young thing like you doin’ out here by herself?”
You bite your lip and sip slowly on another spoonful of stew. “I’m… uh…” you stutter nervously. 
“Spit it out now, there’s nothin’ to be afraid of here, hm?” Joel tries reassuring you, but his words keep coming out so gruffly, doing little to make you feel much better. 
You inhale a deep breath. “Okay…” You swallow. “I was in a… community. I lived there a long time. T-they’re all gone now, I think. We got completely overrun and so I ran.” You sniffle as your nose starts to run from the warmth of the house opposing the cold you’d gotten accustomed to. 
Joel leans forward a bit in his chair, taking a hearty bite of stew, mulling your words over. “Overrun how?” he asks simply, glancing at you, studying your movements, your body language, everything. 
“U-uh, hunters, raiders, whatever they are. Bad.. b-bad people…” You look down at your bowl, not wanting to meet the intensity of his gaze, afraid to fall into his strange, hard warmth. 
“Hm… awful fuckers, ain’t they,” he says, scratching a hand down his beard. “You got away, then?”
You nod and bite inside of your lip, taking another spoonful of stew to keep yourself occupied. “Y-yeah. I ran and ran… just kept… going. They took everything, took over all of our homes…”
Joel sighs, his eyes finally going a little softer. “‘M sorry to hear that, darlin’. You know if anyone is still alive?”
You shrug. “No…”
“Your family? They with ya at this community?”
“Oh.” You shake your head. “No. They… all, uh, passed a long time ago.” Why the hell are you being so open with this stranger? You don’t owe him your story, your secrets, any of it. But you sense the urge to share it, anyhow. Maybe you’re just that desperate for human connection right now. 
“Mm, sorry to hear it again. We all know that feelin’ in a world like this,” he replies thoughtfully. Your eyes widen a bit at the softness he’s showing you right now and you give him a tight lipped smile to show your own sympathy for his losses. 
“You feel up for tellin’ me a little more about the attack? S’okay if it’s too much,” Joel adds on, still studying you with an odd gaze, almost like he’s drinking you in, quenching some thirst he had. His hand twitches, almost as if to reach out to you, but he’s much too far from where he sits right now. 
“I’m not sure if t-there’s much to tell…” you start, but then you find yourself spilling out more details, feeling the freeing sensation of unloading your burdens onto someone else. You tell Joel your community was small but well taken care of, plenty of supplies and food, in an abundant time in its history the last few months. One evening everything changed, when an armed group of mostly men came in, a few women and children in tow, looking absolutely miserable, and they aimed their guns in the air and shot off a few rounds to get everyone’s attention. People came flooding out of their homes, trying to run, only to be tackled or shot down, forced to give up our food and belongings. You tried to hide for as long as you could before slipping out of the home you shared with an older couple who had been taking care of you since you were a teenager, Harry and Josephine. They’d urged you to run, run, run, so you did. Then came your lost days, where you had no clue where you were, when you’d find your next semblance of humanity. Just trying to head west, further and further from the bitter memories you’d now have to leave behind. Barren towns and wilderness passed you over the days, hardly seeing another soul as you hid from infected, spending your nights crying yourself to sleep when you had the energy. 
And now… here you were, sitting on Joel’s couch and eating stew. Unsure of what the hell you’d do next or where you had to go. You had been an orphan for a long time, but this felt deeper, like you were an orphan to the entire world, almost, like you had nothing to even call your own now. 
Joel sits patiently, watching you stumble on words as you tell your story to him, trying not to get too choked up as all the emotions resurface. How empty things had been, how desolate the landscapes to match your faintly beating heart.
He’s leaned fully forward now in his seat, stew somewhat forgotten in his lap as you finish your recounting of the last few weeks. He breathes in and out, a large, heavy sigh that fills the room. It’s still now, fully quiet for a moment. 
“You’re a strong girl for goin’ through all of that, you know that?” he says finally, eyes softer than you’ve seen them yet. 
You just look down, returning to your stew, taking a few bites now that it’s at the perfect temperature. You’ve stopped shaking now, your body warmed up and starting to recognize that you’re getting full. You can’t eat much, your stomach unable to handle more just yet, so you push the stew away, setting it on the coffee table in front of you.
“Yeah…” you say, not really believing it as you glance out the window to watch the late afternoon sun, glaring off the ground outside, light filtering through the trees. 
“You got somewhere to go? After you’re fed and looked over, of course,” Joel asks, his eyebrow shooting up.
You consider lying, just to avoid what you’re afraid he’ll ask you. What you’re afraid you’ll say yes to. You still end up shaking your head silently, clearing your throat. You feel a sting of tears behind your eyes, your whole body going hot with the need to cry, but a deep desire to not show that weakness to him holds you back. You sniffle and blink, studying the knots in the old wood floors.
“Hey,” Joel says, trying to get your attention, to make you show him your vulnerability. “Look at me, c’mon now.” You hear him shift in his seat, a small movement born of irritation as you refuse to do as he says.
You sniffle again and clear your throat, a shake of your head making your hair fall forward, covering and hiding you further. 
“I said look at me.” That stern tone of his is back, sending a shudder through you and fear rippling deep inside your chest. You flick your red rimmed, shining eyes up to his, meeting the dark brown stare, lines permanently etched in between his eyes from all his years of worry.
“Atta girl,” he coos, completely pleasant now. “I got you, okay? You can stay, if ya need. I got food, a home, a warm bed for ya. If you have nowhere else.”
One more blink sends the tears falling down your cheeks, fat and overdue as they slide down your dirty skin, leaving tracks. You sniffle and nod, suddenly feeling a rush of gratitude towards Joel. He may be a stranger, but he fed you, got you warm, and is offering just about the kindest thing he can right now - an invasion on his space, his personal sanctuary, all for a girl he hardly even knows. 
“Y-you’d really do that?” you ask, a little incredulously, like this is a dream you’re about to wake up from any time now. 
He nods, a half smile pulling at the corner of his lips. Satisfaction plastered there now that he’s swayed you in his direction. “I would. Now I don’t wanna hear another word about it. You need to rest, you’ve been through a lot.”
“T-thank you. B-but-”
“Not. Another. Word,” he practically hisses, flashing his eyes angrily before it fizzles out quickly. You can see him practically having to reign in his impulsiveness in the moment. “There ain’t anywhere else to go that’ll keep you as safe as here, I’m tellin’ you that now. You’d be fuckin’ lost out there.” He sits back with his arms crossed now, and you’re worried that you’ve truly upset him now, that unsettling look in his eye glinting again. He wants you to stay… nearly seems to need it. It scares you, yet you feel a tug, a pull, some form of intrigue wanting you to explore that need, understand just what he could see in you.
“I’m s-sorry… I just - you’ve already done a lot for me, and I’d hate to, well, impose, or something,” you say, trying to appease him. It’s mostly true, anyhow, that you do hate to take Joel’s food and time away from him. 
He stands up and silently walks the few steps over to the couch, sitting down next to you, turning himself towards you. It feels like every muscle in your body tenses at his proximity - it makes him seem even bigger the way he takes up his cushion on the couch, body sinking in deeply, his wide shoulders practically a shield to you right now to everything behind him. Something about seeing him up this close is sending you reeling, able to study the lines in his face, his strong, wiry beard streaked with a few gray spots. You flick your eyes over his face, hoping to not be too obvious, but needing to drink him in, learn his features.
“I’m gonna have you listen to me right now, okay? Make sure you’re listenin’ real good, sweetheart.” He pauses for a moment to catch your eye, reaching a hand towards you but resting it right next to your thigh on the couch. “I’m offerin’ somethin’ mighty nice to you, ain’t I? You were ‘bout to die out there, if I’m honest. Much longer and you’d be a goner, I think. Don’t you?”
He’s waiting for a real answer from you, you realize, so you nod, eyes practically unblinking as you hang on his words, a hot coil burning in your stomach as you feel uneasiness eat at you.
“Right.” He sighs quietly. “I’m not tryin’ to be mean, sweetheart. In fact, I care a lot, that’s why I’m tellin’ the truth to ya like this. You ain’t built to be on your own, can see that clear as day. So I’ll have ya stay here and get fed and get your bearings. And I don’t want to hear anymore about it.” 
Of all the things Joel has just said to you, the thing that is stuck in your mind as you turn it over, is the way he’d said he cares. He cares about you. Would that be such a bad thing to be cared for, even if just for a little bit?
You give him a small dip of your head, a shaky smile coming to your lips. “Thank you. I’m uh, grateful.” You’re not sure what else to say, feeling like you’re signing yourself away to something you don’t feel sure about. 
“Ah look at that - a smile,” he says, clearly feeling much more light hearted now that you’ve agreed to accept his help. 
You sit back a little, your muscles finally losing some of their tension and start to eye Joel a little more curiously. “S-so you just live here all by yourself?” you ask, wishing you weren’t still such a stuttering mess. The fact was, this man made you nervous, in a way that you weren’t used to. He scared you, but in a way that it drew you in, a magnetic pull you couldn’t quite explain yet. Something in him commanded respect, reverence, almost, without trying. It was mesmerizing to witness, completely scrambling your mind if you started to think on it too hard. 
“Mhm,” Joel nods languidly, finishing off his stew and then sitting back with a satisfied sigh. He eyes your bowl that’s only half empty and then flicks them back to your face. “Ain’t gonna finish?” he asks, sounding a little irritated before his face softens. “Probably can’t fit much in your little belly right now, huh? Shrunk right up when you didn’t eat much these last few weeks.”
You nod. “I-it was good, I just… I couldn’t finish. It started to hurt…”
His eyes flash with concern. “We’ll take it slow, then,” he says, a little smile creeping onto his face.
You had noticed his avoidance to say much more about himself, so you decide to try your luck and press him again. You clear your throat, trying to turn towards him a little more as well. “You live alone. Don’t you… do you ever talk to other people?”
Joel chuckles, almost condescendingly. “‘Course I do. Town not too far from here - Jackson. I go once and a while to stock up, trade ‘em for some stuff and they’re mighty hospitable to me.”
You nod, trying not to let his snide laugh and tone get to you too much, blinking away the sensitive little tears that threaten to fall again. Joel cocks his head suddenly, seeming to notice. “T-that sounds pretty nice,” you choke out quickly.
“Sorry if I upset ya. Guess you’re right, don’t get enough practice talkin’ to people,” he says a little lighter now, smiling softly again. Joel’s version of a smile seems to only be a soft upturn of his lips, not friendly by nature. It puts you at ease and unease at the same time, that smile of his, but you’d rather see that than the scowl he was sporting at you earlier today. He pats your thigh a few times, showing his apology, and you watch his large hands move on you, noticing they’re scratched and rough. A man’s hands.
“W-wait… Jackson… this town. It’s close by?” you ask, glancing back up at him, the wheels in your head starting to turn. 
Joel’s face falls in an almost dramatic fashion, the lines between his eyes and around his cheeks getting deeper. “Why d’ya ask?” he says, his tone short and frayed sounding, leaning forward again, practically glaring at you from under his eyebrows.
Your own face falls, jaw slack for a moment before it tightens back up. “I just… I want to get out of your hair as quickly as possible, I-I don’t want to be a bother. Could find a new community there, or something…” You feel quiet as a mouse, unsure of how to assert yourself in front of Joel - it feels like there isn’t space for it when you share a room with him.
Joel’s expression becomes more stern. “Didn’t I already tell you, girl, that I’d take care of everythin’?” he spits out, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. You’re visibility tense now, your hands pressing into the cushions of the couch, ready to get up at any moment and bolt. “Y’don’t want to go to a place like that, so big, you’d be lost there, darlin’. Nobody to take care of you…”
He sits back a little, hands falling into his lap and an eyebrow cocked at you. “‘Sides,” he says, glancing out the window for a moment before studying you again. “Too far to go on your own. Can’t have you gettin’ lost in these woods again… look what happened last time, yeah?”
Maybe he’s right. You barely survived these last few weeks without completely losing your mind, and then your life, as he’s been so apt to tell you several times now. Joel… he saved you, and is offering you a place to stay, so the least you could do is be grateful for now. You could always convince him tomorrow, after you’ve had time to think and reset, to take you there, show you the way, and you can see for yourself if it’s a good fit for you or not.
“Y-yeah…” you stutter out, nodding. The look he shoots you has you choking out the next word before you can even think about it. “Yes,” you say more definitively.
“It’s settled then,” he says matter-of-factly, breathing in deeply, his burly chest rising, and then letting it out in a long, slow breath. “You probably wanna get some rest, yeah? I can set up the bed for ya.” Joel says, standing up and grabbing your bowl, taking it to the kitchen along with his empty one. 
“Do y-“ you start, standing up off the couch. 
“Yeah, I got two bedrooms, don’t worry.” His smile grows, liking that he found you predictable enough to know what you were about to ask. Your shoulders sag a little in relief and you give Joel more of a proper smile now, nodding your thanks.
“That would be great, then, yeah. And if it’s not too much…” you voice trails off and you stare at the ground, focusing your eyes on the pattern of the well worn rug underneath your feet. “Maybe a shower, bath, whatever you’ve got.”
Joel turns to face you and then walks back into the living area. He has a calm, serene expression, slightly lit up. “I’ll do ya one better. Get you some clean clothes to wear after that shower, too.”
Nothing in the entire world sounds better than what he’s offering right now.
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You hiss loudly as the hot, steaming water hits your leg when you step in. Within moments, you’re basking under it, watching the dirt and dried blood from your various scrapes and scratches swirl down the drain for what feels like ages, finally seeing the water run clear as you lather up the threadbare washcloth Joel had left out for you and scrub yourself down. Every nook, every cranny, your scalp, face, everywhere you could get three times over. You can’t remember the last time you’d felt so clean, even when you’d lived back with your community. You hum happily for a few moments, letting the water soothe you for just a while longer. You hoped Joel could forgive you for taking a little bit of extra hot water today given the circumstances.
Joel hears the water running from downstairs, his fists balling up and relaxing over and over as he sits on his favorite chair, his gaze facing the stairs leading to the spare bedroom and attached bathroom. He feels tense, rolling his neck, continuing to pump his fists open and closed. A feeling in the back of his neck, traveling down his spine and legs that he couldn’t ignore - an urge. He stands up an instant later, not bothering with his well-ignored conscience, and walks upstairs and through the bedroom door with careful steps as he still has on his boots. He presses a hand onto the brass doorknob, turning it slowly, ever so slowly, pushing the door open just an inch, just… enough.
His eyes fall on the shower curtain, a white cloth that perfectly shows your silhouette through it. The valleys and curves of your body move around, arms scrubbing yourself. Joel can smell the evergreen scented soap drifting through the steamy, thick air, watching your body move fluidly as you start to hum quietly to yourself and rinse off.
He wishes he could lie to himself, deny that he felt the blood rush straight to his cock at this little show he was watching. So content, so sweet, so vulnerable right now. Need consumes his every cell - the need to show you just how good you could have it here, to take every bit of you for himself. He grins, a hungry little twitch of his mouth, moving to shut the door when a floorboard creaks under his heavy boot, and he freezes, shuffling out of the way quickly.
You’re humming quietly when you hear it, just a distant sound, but enough to catch your ear. A creak of a floorboard, something you figure isn’t unusual for an old cabin like this, but you feel a shiver run down your spine and rush to turn the water off. You throw the curtain open, water dripping down into your eyes. You quickly rub your fingers over them and glance around the spacious bathroom to find… nothing. You sigh, shaking your head, nearly laughing at the relief you feel. You’re just being paranoid, you chastise yourself as you grab the towel off the hook, squeezing the extra water out of your hair and wrapping it around yourself, snuggling into the simple comfort of a fluffy towel as you dry yourself off. 
Your fingers freeze, running cold when you reach the door, noticing a few inches of space that has the door cracked open. You swore up and down that you’d shut the door behind you, giving you that extra layer of privacy in a stranger's home. It wasn’t possible that… no, you think quickly, shaking your head again. You have to stop being so damn paranoid - your brain is just in survival mode still, looking for threats that aren’t there. 
You step into the bedroom, surveying the heavy wood furniture - an extremely cozy, country feel to the room with large logs comprising the bed frame and a patchwork quilt draped over the top. You peer around, feeling somewhat squirmy at the realization you don’t have any clothing. Joel seemingly came in and took your dirty clothes while you were in the shower, failing to leave you anything clean. It made you feel that strange swirl deep in your stomach again, the one you kept brushing off.
This is a kind man. A kind man, got it? Positive thinking.
You decide to pull it together and head out and down the stairs to the living room. You feel your cheeks heat up, a hot heat creeping all over your body as you feel so exposed, standing in your tiny towel as you descend the stairs. Joel’s eyes follow you down, watching your glowing skin, so fresh and clean, hair dripping errantly, leaving water droplets on the floor in your wake. You see a flash of something a little cloudy and hungry in his gaze before it disappears just as quickly as he showed it. 
He isn’t saying a word, isn’t offering anything, so you swallow down your discomfort and clear your throat a little. “Er… I noticed there weren’t any… clothes… for me…”
Joel sits up a little straighter, putting down the book he’s been looking at. He offers you a smile devoid of much emotion and stands up, his eyes locking on your hips for a few extra seconds. “Shucks, sorry about that, sweetheart. Let’s get you something right now. Got your old clothes ready to be done next time I do the washin’.”
You nod, fighting the urge to chuckle nervously as he walks over and passes you, his arm brushing your damp, bare one before he heads up the stairs. You’re grateful you get to trail him, afraid of just how skimpy this towel is if he’d have insisted on following behind you. You follow him into the other bedroom, his bedroom, and it’s a little more decorated, some books and little wooden carvings on the surfaces, dirty laundry scattered throughout. He opens up a drawer and tugs out a tee shirt, handing it to you, then a pair of gray sweatpants and warm, thick socks. 
“These should fit alright for ya, honey. We’ll get you some more proper fittin’ stuff soon, just gotta have a look around this place. This’ll be nice and warm for ya f’now.” He seems more chipper now, clearly much more talkative than before, and you suppose you don’t mind the change too much. It’s only proving that your paranoia was completely unfounded, just a symptom of your current circumstances. You typically find yourself a pretty trusting person, enough to have gotten you in trouble before, but the events of the last few weeks have broken that for you, leaving you feeling like a shell of who you once were. 
You snap back to reality and take the clothing in your arms, nodding in gratitude. “Thank you. I’ll go, um, change.”
Before you turn, Joel’s voice booms through the air again. “Need anythin’ else to eat? Anythin’ I can get you?” He almost sounds hopeful, like he wants you to need something from him. His eyes linger on your body, leaving you feeling just as naked as if you didn’t have the towel over you at all. 
You shake your head nervously. “Er, if it’s alright with you, I think I just want to rest… A full night’s sleep in a bed sounds like heaven right now.” 
“Let’s get you on off to heaven, then.” He grins, letting you leave the room before trailing after you, waiting outside your door while you change into your clothes. You discover some women’s underwear in the drawers inside of your bedroom, gratefully putting on a clean pair before throwing on everything Joel gave you. It’s comfortable and dry, so you won’t complain about the fit or the style - you’d still be in your dirty, worn down clothes if it weren’t for him. 
You creak the door open to find Joel and thank him again for hosting you, only to see him waiting right outside in the hall. You nearly jump, your face completely giving away your tense surprise.
“Jus’ wanted to make sure you got to bed alright,” he says gently, explaining himself. 
“Oh…” You bite your lip. “I, uh, I think I’m all set. Thank you again, Joel, really, for everything.”
His smile brightens as much as you’ve seen it and his eyes look much kinder as he nods, a dip of his head. His hand reaches forward and takes yours through the frame of the door and squeezes it. You freeze at the sudden touch, his hand so warm and rough, calloused fingertips grazing over the softer skin of your hands. It sends your entire body into a fuzzy flash of heat for just a moment before it dissipates. He squeezes once more, thumb swiping gently over the back of your hand before he releases it. Your lips sit parted in shock, eyes a little wider and hand starting to tremble a little. 
“Anytime,” Joel replies simply, his face falling before he turns to walk away, leaving you standing breathless for several moments before clicking the bedroom door shut behind you. 
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You jolt out of your sleep, a gasp of breath catching in your throat and dying out as you go to yell, finding your mouth tightly clasped by a large, warm palm pressing in.
“Shh, shh,” the voice comes, right near your right ear. You shudder involuntarily from the hot breath fanning on such a sensitive spot  and try to yell again, letting it die out as a whimper against the skin pressing on your mouth.
“Shh, it’s alright. I got you,” Joel coos, his voice coming out hoarse. “No yellin’.”
You squirm helplessly against his hold, realizing another arm is draped across your abdomen, holding you in place. Your body exhausts quickly, still half asleep as you feel your struggle die out. Joel’s hand across your mouth loosens slowly, relieving the pressure.
“You were havin’ a nightmare, darlin’. Shh… c’mon now…” His hand that had been against your lips ghosts up to your head, landing in gentle strokes against your hair. You blink a few times, heavy breaths through your nostrils now as you try to steady your mind and body. Your chest struggles against his heavy arm as it heaves, your body fully taut and mind trying to play catch up.
“W-what…” you murmur groggily, laying stiffly as Joel holds your waist, fingers brushing against your curves, pressing you close as his other hand still works tender strokes along your hair.
“Oh, sweetheart, glad I heard you, hm?” he practically whispers, his face nuzzling close to the skin right under your ear. You feel the tickle of his breath and facial fair, prickly and rough against such delicate skin. You squirm gently, trying to signal that everything is too tight, too much, too… confusing. Joel is lost in his own world, absorbed in the softness of the places he begins to touch, hand grazing from your waist to your bare arms, fingertips exploring hungrily under the guise of being caring. 
All he’d needed, alone and laying awake tonight, his body burning and resolve thin, was a simple touch. A chance to show you all that you needed, all he could provide for you. Only to help you, to take care of someone who couldn’t care for herself. You’d proved that much to him - you needed his guidance, his protection, his experience.
“What’re you…”
“Jus’ comforting you, darlin’. C’mon now,” he whispers, never once pulling back or stopping the exploring he’s doing with his hands. 
He runs through his list of reasons to convince himself why everything he’s doing is perfectly necessary before losing sight of all of it entirely when he strikes that sliver of bare skin where your tee shirt has hiked up a bit off your waist, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. His hand travels a bit higher, pushing the shirt up and grazing famished fingers across your ribcage and stomach. A small groan ripples across his chest, the vibration felt by where your body meets his. He surprises you next by tugging your shirt back down, covering the bare skin before returning his hand to your hip, pulling you closer. He’s a wall of pure mass, muscle underneath his soft belly and chest, a man who’s strong but still showing a bit of his age. You nearly whimper and shake, feeling a sickly heat coursing through your veins now.
“Mmm…” he mumbles in your ear, your own voice caught in a trap of fear lodged right in your throat. Equally afraid of the way you don’t know how this night is about to end and that you’re not sure you mind where it’s going. You’ve never understood men or their intentions, and never had anyone bother to teach you, no worked up teenage boys offer to show you when you were at that age. No, you were left to guess, giggled at by other girls when you couldn’t pick up on their meanings as they discussed their own secret rendezvous. This had to be everything they talked about, didn’t it? The way you could feel heat and energy practically pulsating off of Joel’s body, his noises anything but natural sounding as he hummed little groans in your ear.
“Y’just needed someone, sweetheart. Y’need someone to take care of you, don’t you?” he finally says, fingers still running their way across your hair, nails scratching against your scalp. You whimper quietly at the feel of it, how damn good it all feels. You don’t move, don’t speak as he goes on.
“Need a man like me, darlin’, y’do. I can see it - need me to take care of everything…” He mumbles similar sentiments repeatedly in your ear before bringing his lips right to your neck, just letting them graze, the wet but chapped skin of his lips pressing in gently on your pulse point. You try not to gasp, the feeling as pleasing as it is terrifying, finding yourself gripping the sheet tighter to try not to give yourself away, give him any kind of response. 
“Don’t you, honey? Need me to take care of you?” He sounds a little more desperate now, needy for the answer he’s searching for from you.
He’s broken you down to the point you feel tears stinging at your eyes, the long awaited emotional release you’ve needed sitting right there on the precipice, a small crack waiting to fully rupture. You can’t be sure if you nod, just imperceptibly, you think, but Joel’s body language relaxes against you as he leans his entire chest and torso into you even more, giving you a squeeze. You know then that he got his answer, just what he was looking for. You let the tears slip out, rolling down your cheeks, onto the pillow on one side, likely falling right onto Joel’s face or in his hair on the other. He seems to barely notice, just swiping them quickly off your cheeks before resuming his position wrapping himself tightly around you.
“Good, sweetheart… good girl, I got you…” 
You hear his breathing start to even out shortly after, steady rise and fall of his chest against your body, and you realize he’s dozed off. Like he got what he wanted and decided he could rest now. Your entire body relaxes, a careful breath whooshing out that you hadn’t even been aware you were holding in. His hand is still tangled in your hair, other one possessively on your hip, giving you absolutely no room to move. You’re not sure you want to anymore, anyways, never having had such strength covering you, cloaking you from all of the dark, sinister things that the nighttime holds for you.
If you’re going insane, feeling safe with this man who forced his way around your body tonight, then so be it. Why shouldn’t you let yourself feel safe for once? Let yourself feel less of that burden, turn it over to Joel? Your own turning wheel of thoughts starts to scare you, the little voice in the back of your head telling you what you already know and have been trying to ignore. The one little thing that you immediately put your finger on but were too scared afterwards to lift it back up and observe it closer.
You weren’t having a nightmare, no, not at all. You knew when you woke from one, as sure as the god damned sky was blue and the grass was green. It wasn’t a foreign concept to you by any means after what you’d been through in your life. And tonight… tonight hadn’t been one of those nights. 
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dividers by @/saradika!
thank you @jupiter-soups and @huffle-punk for always beta-ing my shit and talking inspo with me. love you to the moon and back <3
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spicysighs · 10 months
Text
Matty Healy + Taylor Swift Timeline
11/7/13: Matty talking about Taylor liking the band and being asked to tour wither her.
1/21/14: Matty talking about Taylor liking the band. xx
3/31/14: Matty talks about being asked to tour with Taylor and turning it down. "That was cool. It’s like, ‘We can’t, but that is really nice, thank you very much.”
11/4/14: Matty is pictured wearing a deluxe 1989 album cover tee at his concert in Milwaukee.
11/8/14: Taylor reblogs the picture on tumblr and says they are her favorite band.
11/9/14: Taylor likes these two pictures of Matty wearing the 1989 t-shirt.
11/9/14: Taylor liked this gif-set of Matty talking about whether he’s a dog or cat person.
11/19/14: Selena Gomez, Taylor and other friends went to The 1975 show in LA. Video of them singing along to ‘The City.’
11/19/14: Taylor & Matty making a video for a fan. (Jamie’s daughter Kitty)
11/22/14: Matty follows Taylor on Twitter.
11/23/14: Taylor was pictured wearing a The 1975 band shirt.
11/23/14: Taylor likes these two posts of them wearing each others merch.
11/24/14: Matty dedicates ‘Robbers’ to Taylor. Supposedly he’s done this multiple times. xx
11/25/14: Taylor likes these Tumblr posts. And this picture of Matty.
11/26/14: Taylor likes this Tumblr post.
11/26/14: Matty likes Taylor’s post on Instagram.
11/26/14: Matty wearing the 1989 t-shirt again.
11/26/14: Matty talking about meeting Taylor "I met Taylor Swift, that was really nice." and when asked about possibly dating "I mean bloody hell, what am I going to do? Go out with Taylor Swift? She's a sensation, I wouldn't say no."
11/28/14: Taylor is rumored to have attended The 1975 show in Chattanooga, TN.  
11/29/14: Taylor likes this Tumblr post.
11/29/14: Matty signed this Polaroid for a fan, and the fan talking about the interaction.
11/29/14: Matty says he can’t kiss a fan because he’s taken.
12/2/14: Matty’s mom retweets this.
12/2/14: Matty likes Taylor’s Instagram post.
12/3/14: Matty about Taylor “Well, she’s amazing. She’s an amazing role model. And not only is she an incredible songwriter, she’s an incredible pop songwriter, which I think is even harder. I can’t speak highly enough about Taylor Swift.”
12/4/14: Taylor, Martha, Karlie and others went to The 1975 show in NYC. Where Matty dedicated ‘fallingforyou’ to her. Rumored that Matty missed the after-party and spent the night with Taylor. xx 
12/5/14: Taylor likes this Tumblr post about Matty singing ‘fallingforyou’ to her.
12/5/14: Matty’s tweet in response to articles about him and Taylor getting his name wrong.
12/6/14: Matty has a breakdown on stage in Boston, MA. In 2015 talking about the incident he says “There was girl stuff. There was family stuff. There was financial stuff. There was drug stuff.” 
12/6/14: Matty talking about a fan saying “I love you” to him. “What did I say to the poor fucking girl? ‘You don’t have the right to love me. You don’t know me. I love you but you don’t get to love me.’ Jesus. Can you imagine your favorite band shouting that at you? What a dickhead. What a horrible thing to say to a kid who fucking does love me.”
12/9/14: Matty at a show in NY “I was sad the other day as someone told me they loved me. And I said ‘No, you don’t. Not really.’ And today I told someone I loved them. And they said ‘No, you don’t.’ And it fucking sucks to hear that. Especially when you mean it. Don’t do that to someone. Don’t do what I did.”
12/14/14: Matty posts this on Instagram.
12/30/14: Matty deletes this Instagram post.
1/16/15: Matty denies dating rumors. Admits they exchanged numbers but “That didn’t really happen as much as it’d be amazing for me if it did, unfortunately it didn’t.”
2/25/15: They hangout at the BRIT Awards afterparty. (This weekend is when she met Calvin and they started dating)
2015: Matty & Halsey date and breakup.
11/15/15: Matty talks about Taylor in an interview “The things that surround her are like Barack Obama. I fell for her a little bit, but everyone falls for Taylor Swift” “The day after she’d been to a show of ours, someone sent me a screenshot of E! News with the headline ‘Who is Matt Healy?’ That freaked me out. I’m not ready to indulge in that world and I’m not ready to be judged by that world.”
12/8/15: Matty talks about reaching out to Taylor to have her in his music video.
Sometime in 2015: Matty & Gabriella Brooks start dating.
2/1/16: Matty talking about Taylor “She was a fan of the band and we just became friends, and we related to each other over how mental our lives were. But when you’re with people like Taylor, there are a million people flying around you the whole time, and this security guard is talking to that guy, and this guy is the new manager. I didn’t like the pace of it, because it makes me confused and I feel like I’m going to miss something. And being perceptive is one of the abilities that I like to think that I have.“
3/17/16: Matt Healy has suggested that dating Taylor Swift would have been "emasculating" for him because of her huge global fame.
3/18/16: Journalist who interviewed him writes an op-ed saying his words were misconstrued and "I saw an intelligent and liberal man wrestling with our culture’s gender roles."
3/19/16: He apologizes for said comments and calls Taylor "One of the most gracious, hard working, creatively gifted, and beautiful women that I have had the pleasure to meet."
6/1/16: Taylor & Calvin Harris breakup.
6/15/16: Taylor starts dating Tom Hiddleston.
8/17/16: Matty says he has Taylor’s number but “she’s probably changed her number by now.” And jokes “I keep texting her.”
8/30/16: Matty talks about Taylor on the BBCR1's Breakfast Show. They joke about Taylor doing jury duty.
9/6/16: Taylor & Tom Hiddleston breakup.
October 2016: Taylor & Joe Alwyn start dating.
10/27/16: Matty about Taylor in Rolling Stone “She came to our show, and you would have thought that Barack Obama had come out. I don’t know another person on the planet that would elicit that kind of reaction.”
11/11/16: Matty again denies he dated Taylor and says “She came to a show and we hung out. We fancied each other, but then we couldn’t have it go any further, because it would be like going out with Barack Obama.”
11/20/17: Podcast talking about Taylor & Matty.
12/3/18: Matty talking about his journal “It’s mainly stories that I write about my dreams of being in love with other popstars.”
12/4/18: Matty retweets a picture of Taylor.
8/28/19: Matty & Gabriella Brooks breakup.
9/23/19: Mentions wanting to produce an album for Taylor in an interview (at 13:48 & 32:00) “Taylor, if you ever want someone to help you set up the mics for your little acoustic record, just so you know, I’m there.”
9/23/19: Matty retweets and tags Taylor in a post quoting him saying he wants to produce an album for Taylor.
9/24/19: Matty tweets “Taylor Swift. With an acoustic guitar. Doing her ‘Nebraska’. Doing her ‘Blue’. Kill me.”
January 2020: Matty & FKA Twigs start dating.
2/12/20: Both attend the NME awards and hug. Beabadoobee (who Taylor is talking to in the video) about meeting Taylor that day “Taylor’s so ethereal, So badass, I was like ‘Holy shit!’ She was walking towards me and I’m like, ‘She’s going to Matty [The 1975] not me.’ And then she comes up to me and I’m like... I vomited in my mouth. I couldn’t believe it.”
2/20/20: Matty mentions seeing Taylor and wanting to work with her in an interview with Zane Lowe. “She was just stood behind me. I mean, I haven’t seen Taylor in years so it was actually a really nice room. But it, unfortunately, wasn’t the time for me to pitch my post-rock Joni Mitchell project.”
10/22/20: Deuxmoi posts these.
2021: Matty starts working with Jack Antonoff on The 1975′s upcoming album.  
November 2021: Taylor and Jack Antonoff start working on “Midnights.”
6/7/22: Matty & FKA Twigs breakup. 
8/9/22: Matty Healy shares Taylor Swift’s reaction to The 1975’s new album, with her saying “it’s so funny.” 
9/3/22: Matty says there will be no collab on Midnights. “I would love that! But unfortunately FAKE NEWS :(”
10/7/22: Matty tweets “You guys actually thought Taylor Swift was gonna have me on her album”
10/11/22: Matty on working with Taylor “Oh we’re not. We’d love to. Love to work with Taylor Swift. Love Taylor Swift, think she’s one of the best songwriters, but yeah, no we haven’t done that. We’d love to though.”
10/11/22: The 1975 discuss covering ‘Lover’ for the BBC live lounge.
10/12/22: Matty briefly mentions Taylor in a Zane Lowe interview (45:53).
10/18/22: Matty briefly mentions Taylor in a podcast (1:21:12) when talking about who they would like to see on the podcast. Interestingly enough her name seems to be cut from the video version of the podcast.
10/23/22: Matty posted on his Instagram to stream Midnights.
10/26/22: Matty posted he was listening to ‘Hey Stephen TV’ on his Instagram story
11/27/22: Matty said he worked on Midnights with Taylor but their versions didn’t make the cut (4:52). “We actually worked a bit on that, but then the version of it never came out.” “It was for reasons not to be criticized.”
12/21/22: Matty said ‘Chocolate‘ reminds him of Taylor “Tumblr, Doc Martens, Taylor Swift, the 1975”
‘Question…?’ Played in The 1975 pre-show playlist. (Don’t have dates because it happened multiple times)
1/12/23: Matty & Taylor before The 1975 show.
1/12/23: Taylor does a surprise performance at The 1975 show in London. Deuxmoi later claims they stayed up until 4 am talking (later confirmed in his profile with The New Yorker.)
1/12/23: Matty “I’m not kissing anybody in front of Taylor Swift, have some respect. in front of the queen? not happening"
2/2/23: Matty briefly mentions Taylor and the Ticketmaster situation (38:06)
February: Allegedly spent several days at a Los Angeles recording studio together.
3/15/23: Matty seen with Ana Salazar.
3/17/23: First show of The Eras Tour
3/22/23: Puff-piece comes out stating Joe and Taylor are ‘great together’ and ‘super supportive of her career’ and will be travelling to her ‘when he can’.
‘About You’ plays at the same time as the Lover MV has been playing on The Eras Tour pre-show playlist. (Don’t have dates because it happened multiple times)
3/29/23: Matty’s ex says “Things were going well until around March 29th then, out of the blue, he stopped replying to my messages and calls.”
3/31/23: Taylor changes The Eras Tour setlist from ‘Invisible String’ to ‘The 1’
4/7/23: Matty follows Taylor on Instagram.
4/7/23: Matty likes Taylor’s Instagram post.
4/8/23: Matty’s birthday.
4/8/23: It's announced Taylor and Joe have broken up.
4/8/23: Matty talking about love and how happy he is.
4/10/23: Matty deactivates his social media accounts.
4/10/23: Matty on why he deactivated “Everything happens in eras. The 1975 is a very eras band. And I think that the era of me being a fucking asshole is gonna come to an end.” and “I perform all the time and it’s my job and I love doing this, but I can’t perform off the stage any more as I just want to be a bloke.”
4/10/23: Matty says “Hey, I love you.” during ‘About You’.
4/10/23: Matty mouths “You know who you are.” and points during ‘About You’.
4/11/23: Matty “A call for something sincere and direct. That’s what we’re all looking for. That’s what I’m looking for. Maybe I’ve found it.. I’m feeling quite happy.” 
4/13/23: Deuxmoi says she got a tip that Matty & Taylor are dating. (19:16)
4/14/23: Matty cheering during ‘Me & You Together.’
4/14/23: Matty “Romance is nice when it works, this next song worked.” ‘fallingforyou’ starts playing “Oh it’s a different song, this song did not work.”
4/14/23: Before ‘About You’ “Ok, this is the one that worked.”
4/14/23: Matty mouthing “I love you” during ‘About You’ and saying “Fuck yeah, I win!” after it ends.
4/16/23: Matty’s “Yeah you will!” during ‘Happiness’ after the line, “I’m never gonna love again.”
4/19/23: Matty says “It takes bit to get here but its worth it” and “true story” before playing ‘Me & You Together.’
4/21/23: Matty plays a cover of ‘The Best of Me’ by The Starting Line. Take note of the lyrics.
4/24/23: Matty spoke about how he sees people listening to ‘She's American’ in three places: Manchester, Tokyo and Pennsylvania “that’s a whole other thing don’t worry about that.”
5/3/23: The Sun reports Matty and Taylor are dating and will go public with their romance at her shows in Nashville.
5/3/23: Matty introducing ‘Me and You Together song’, saying “I’ve got something real to tell you guys!”
5/3/23: Matty mouths “This is about you, you know who you are. I love you.” while playing ‘About You.’
5/3/23: Matty does a cover of ‘The Best of Me’ by The Starting Line again.
5/4/23: Matty introducing ‘Me and You Together song’, saying “So I’ve been trying to tell you guys” and “That’s right.”
5/4/23: Before playing ‘About You’ Matty mouths "This is why I'm happy. Who is it about? Who am I talking to?"
5/4/23: Matty is seen mouthing the words "I love you" before writing the letter T on the camera lens.
5/4/23: Matty saying “she sure is” before playing ‘She's American.’
5/4/23: Matty flies from Manila to Nashville. (Which is around a 20hr flight)
5/5/23: Matty at Taylor’s concert. Nashville night 1.
5/5/23: Taylor mouths “This is about you, you know who you are. I love you.” during ‘cardigan.’
5/6/23: Matty grabbing coffee accompanied by Taylors bodyguard after leaving Taylors condo.
5/6/23: Matty at Nashville night 2. xx
5/6/23: Matty & Taylor pictured arriving at Taylor’s condo together.
5/7/23: Matty at Nashville night 3.
5/11/23: Matty and Taylor spotted on a date with Jack Antonoff in NYC. More pictures here.
5/12/23: Matty at Philly night 1.
5/13/23: Matty at Philly night 2.
5/13/23: Taylor performs ‘This Love’ with no introduction.
5/14/23: Taylor plays a request of “Hey Stephen”, but doesn’t say who requested it.
5/14/23: Matty pictured at the VIP tent at The Eras Tour Philly night 3
5/15/23: Matty and Taylor pictured leaving a party at Electric Studios in NYC.
5/18/23: Article comes out saying Joe is 'distraught and slighted' over Taylor & Matty dating, saying he ‘trusted’ Taylor when she said they were just friends.
5/18/23 Matty entering Taylor’s NYC Apartment.
5/20/23: Matty’s ex talks about Matty and Taylor.
5/20/23: Taylor’s speech before playing ‘Question...?’  in Foxborough, MA. "I want you all to know that I've never been this happy before in my life. It’s not just with the tour, I just sort of feel like my life finally feels like it makes sense. And so I thought I’d play this song, which brings me a lot of happy memories."
5/20/23: Taylor plays ‘Question...?’ on night 2 in Foxborough, MA.
5/22/23: Matty dropping Taylor off at Electric Lady Studios.
5/24/23: Taylor and Matty leaving the Electric Lady Studios separately.
5/27/23: The Sun reports Matty and Taylor are moving in together.
5/29/23: Matty’s profile with The New Yorker comes out which includes multiple mentions of Taylor.
5/29/23: From The New Yorker “Healy found it annoying that, at a certain level of fame, celebrities can cultivate liberal auras while avoiding the risk of taking real political stands. (Swift, I thought, but didn’t say, seemed to be excepted from his critique.)”
5/29/23: From The New Yorker about Taylor & Matty dating “ Neither of their representatives would comment on the record, but I kept getting texts from people who knew them, and who insisted: this time, it’s real.”
6/5/23: Matty & Taylor reportedly break up.
6/6/23: People releases an article saying "There is no drama, and who knows what could happen again.” and "Taylor and Matty still care for one another but they are in the middle of world tours so both are incredibly busy. They've been friends for years and are still friends."
6/6/23: While discussing Taylor on his podcast (21:06) Zach Sang says "I'm like kind of friends with Selena Gomez. We've known each other for a very long time and we share a lot of close friends. And from what I heard like in the aura around Selena, Taylor was talking about Matty Healy like he was the one." 
6/11/23: Matty reactivates his Instagram.
6/11/23: Matty “You know what’s nice, playing songs in context“ before ‘Me and You Together song’
7/1/23: Matty mentions Taylor "I don’t wanna use this thing [the catwalk], it feels very democratic, it feels very… I mean Beyonce of course, Taylor, Machine Gun Kelly, whoever it may be… I don’t like it, it makes me feel exposed."
7/5/23: The Sun claims Matty & Taylor are back together and “want to make it work at all costs.”
7/5/23: People declines claims that they are together.
7/18/23: Matty briefly mentions Taylor “I speak about this a lot, the Tumblr times, the simpler days, the golden days. When it was just us and Taylor and Lana and Arctic Monkeys.”
7/22/23: Taylor removes ‘About You’ from The Eras Tour pre-show playlist.
8/7/23: Matty is seen with Meredith Mickelson at an airport in Hawaii.
571 notes · View notes
woojungz · 3 months
Text
junghoon x KQ trainee!reader 🥤🎸
❝ one shot
𓂃𓈒 junghoon and his oblivious crush who doesn't notice just how much he's head over heels for them, even though he's trying so hard to make it known. featuring: hyunwoo as his wingman(⁠˘⁠・⁠_⁠・⁠˘⁠)
word count: 5.1k
author's note: um yeah i disappeared for a month(⁠・⁠o⁠・⁠;⁠) this fic is set throughout the course of your debut preparations as another group under KQ!
( likes and reblogs appreciated!♡ )
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you were initially spooked when you entered KQ as an impressionable trainee, scouted for the next group the company is set to debut in a few months. you have to thank your seniors for the scare, receiving warnings about how you shouldn’t have chosen KQ or even hearing literal horror ghost stories about how the building is apparently haunted.
they’re all something to laugh off though, even if the company can get annoying sometimes, you’ve found it the least bit tolerable with the friends you’ve made, such as your own group members and also xikers members since the both of you were quite close in age. aside from that, they also do their part in guiding you and your fellow trainees with your future idol life.
you’re able to count with your fingers the number of months left until your group is about to debut, a bit busy with sessions around the company building day and night.
like… today in particular.
the door to the recording room creaks as you push it open, greeting your vocal teacher by the corner along with a few familiar KQ producers.
you’re actually surprised that one of your ateez seniors, hongjoong, is actually here. since they’re often on some schedule, you didn’t expect him to show up at all. as you enter the recording booth, you made it a point in your head to ask him later about how it feels like promoting overseas, as it’s one of your goals to travel the world as an idol as well.
a conversation ensues with everyone in the room as you get your headphones ready, standing before the microphone. it was a bit intimidating to see everyone so serious at the corner of your eye, but your vocal teacher giving you a thumbs up managed to calm your nerves a bit, with hongjoong flashing you a smile too.
recording your parts for the songs went by in a whir, honestly feeling like you kinda blacked out the whole time with so many eyes on you. can’t say that you’re not nervous… but you were excited at the same time. as you left the recording booth, it felt like a huge weight on your shoulders lifted off, until it felt like something really rested on your shoulder.
you turned around and met a set of piercing eyes, but you’re startled state easily fizzled down when you realized it was just junghoon, and a smile tugging on the side of his lips.
“i watched you record your lines back there, i always knew you were great at singing right… but wow i never knew you were that good.” you were surprised to see half of the xikers members were actually around to witness you record your vocals for your debut song.
talk about embarrassing… like you wanna just dig a hole and hide there forever. especially when you remember that you messed up some parts when you were trying to warm up.
“stop it! i didn’t know you guys were actually watching, then i should’ve tried my hardest to keep my voice from cracking like earlier…”
your trance was quickly interrupted when he started singing your lines jokingly, even trying to copy some of your mannerisms as you were in the recording booth a while ago.
you bantered with him, releasing a low huff as you threatened to hit his shoulder if he didn’t stop the sing-song he was doing.
“speaking as your senior, i’m telling you that’s quite normal actually. so don't worry about it. really y/n, i mean it. now you’re probably gonna be off to dance practice after this one, so i got you this drink for later.”
“you love calling yourself our company seniors when we’re not really that far in age!” you try to hit junghoon on the shoulder, missing when he swiftly dodges the light attack.
you playfully whine, and he only erupts into a little fit of a giggle. “think i don’t know you well enough that you always try to playfully hit me? you’re so predictable y/n…”
junghoon doesn’t receive a reply, but his eyes bore a deep gaze on your features. he almost fell into his habitual activity of admiring you during conversations, but he snaps out of it real quick when you snatch the bottle of a drink right out of his grip.
your attention flickers toward hyunwoo when he suddenly yells among the simultaneous chitchats happening within the recording room.
“alright everyone! i feel like i’m actually in a really good mood today. so if anyone’s up for some fried chicken, it’s gonna be my treat. just head out with me,” and with that, everyone’s in a shuffle to scurry out of the recording room, the abrupt shut of the door making you realize you’re left alone with junghoon.
“you’re not in the mood for some fried chicken too? guess we might be meant to be huh.” you offer your hand in front of him, junghoon reciprocating to shake it in return. he’s honestly quite impressed with himself that he managed to keep composure this whole time, holding your hand in his while you tell him the both of you are meant to be?
of course, he knows it in him that you just mean it in a friendly type of way, but he can’t handle the way his heart beats fast at your words. especially when he’s been pining over you ever since he met you, biting his tongue but failing to keep the smile creeping up on his lips. oh kim junghoon you are so down bad for this person…
and since he's made it this far without slipping up on his little crush, he's sure he can contain yourself from blushing from a mere hand-holding (or hand-shaking) moment.
he only laughs it off as he lets your hand go, racking up his mind for any possible reply. really junghoon, a whole moment you had to take there from that simple interaction.
“now where were we?”
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from how busy and tired you were with trainee life, you can’t even decipher anymore which day of the week is it. you just know that you have to be there on the dot for dance practice that stretches all throughout until the sun sets.
your legs were aching as you sat around in a circle with some of your fellow members along with seeun and hyunwoo.
your dance teacher had dismissed you a bit earlier today, but your group members decided to stay for a while to play the mafia game, and eventually settle in with a round of truth or dare. you honestly can’t remember when exactly the two xikers members joined you all, but you didn’t really mind as both of your groups were close already as time went by.
a bottle spins in the middle of the floor—the empty bottle of the drink junghoon likes to give you all the time.
speaking of junghoon, where is he though… you thought he and hyunwoo were inseparable, guess not. you were used to getting almost daily drinks from him that you wouldn’t feel a day would be complete if he didn’t hand you one.
“earth to y/n?” seeun snaps his fingers right at you, and you laugh it off when you realize you were probably staring into nothingness.
the bottle points to you.
one of your group members was about to make you choose between truth or dare, not until seeun interrupts with his laugh echoing so loud within the dance practice room. “ooooh… you were thinking of junghoon weren’t you? you were staring so hard at the bottle.”
hyunwoo suddenly lands a slap on the back of seeun’s head, making him yelp. “i didn’t know you were that smart to figure that out dude… this will probably be the last time i’m gonna be telling this to you but you were kinda a genius for realizing that.”
seeun only rolls his eyes, while hyunwoo scoots a little bit away from him, snickering. “was that meant to be a compliment or an insult?”
hyunwoo just sticks his tongue out at seeun, turning his head back to you. “actually, junghoon’s supposed to come with me today but minjae asked him for help around the dorm or something.”
“i didn’t even ask but okay…” you deny, eyes flickering towards the wall instead because they were damn right you were thinking about junghoon. question is, isn’t it completely normal to be thinking about him at that moment? that bottle really does remind him of you with how often he buys it for you. who are you defending yourself from anyway… not like you were gonna acknowledge seeun’s teasing from a while ago anymore.
“blah blah blah, enough of that nonsense now, you’re dragging the game out. so y/n… truth or dare?” you have to thank your member for bringing the mood back after those two were bugging you with their rascal-like attitudes.
“truth.”
and suddenly your members were squealing into oblivion?! what happened to them being on your side… now you’re a bit nervous about what they’re gonna ask you. at least there’s no chance they’re going to make you do some insane dare.
"we've been dying to ask you… is there something going on between you and junghoon?" your group members bring up, making you mentally face-palm yourself.
"not you guys too!"
you're crossing your arms in front of you, chewing the inside of your cheek to think of some excuse to not talk about this. but why do you not wanna talk about this anyway… you're just friends with him, right? and since you don't wanna be called a party pooper, you just answer them so they'll finally shut up about junghoon.
"well… we're just friends." it's kinda funny watching their shoulders heave down like a balloon getting deflated.
hyunwoo chimes in again, letting out some noise of a 'tsk.' before shaking his head.
"it just doesn't make sense to me why he's so different around you. the first time the other guys met him, they were all saying he was so intimidating and quiet to have around." seeun nods in agreement, listening.
"intimidating? if i'm gonna have to choose among the xikers members, he's probably the most approachable from all of you."
"junghoon and 'approachable' in a single sentence?! well, i'm quite close with him so i know he's not completely that scary but… it's the first time i'm hearing a first impression like that about him." hyunwoo leans back, seemingly starting to drown in deep thought just because he couldn't fathom this other personality of junghoon that he only chooses to show you.
"whatever. you're dragging the game out again with all your questions. here, i'll go spin the bottle to see who's next."
and as you swing the bottle in the middle of your huddled figures, you find yourself in a reverie of how junghoon actually treated you these past few months. the first time you stepped into the KQ building, you didn't know how you managed to get lost. thankful that you accidentally bumped into junghoon in one of the halls, and he offers to take you on a tour around just to show you the way.
from then on, you'd always come up to him whenever you had questions as a trainee, continuing to warm the friendship between you two. never once did he greet you with his supposed intimidating aura that everyone keeps talking about, though you do feel it a bit in his gaze sometimes. so you wonder if he's trying to seem like a welcoming senior to all of you newbies to the company, or if there's something more… just as everyone's trying to suggest.
whatever it is, it's bound to give you a headache on top of the trainee schedules you have to keep track of lately.
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by the time you spent practicing the choreography for your debut song, you weren’t sure if you were on the verge of getting sick of hearing it even before you got to debut. but you push those thoughts at the back of your head as you focus on trying to get this particular move right, except you appear to be struggling…
“y/n, don’t you think we should take a little break before we practice this next part of the song? it’s almost lunch anyway.” one of your members collapses on the ground, sighing in exhaustion. you do give them a nod, but still not letting up and trying to rehearse the moves in front of the practice room mirror.
“this is supposed to be my center part, i’m trying to perfect it today though…”
your member only huffs another sigh before rolling over to face the other side of the room. by a minute you were already back in your element, dancing right from the start of your song until you get to your center part and messing it up once more, groaning in annoyance.
the practice room door creaks open along with hyunwoo’s voice echoing that he’s apparently gonna treat everyone to some fried chicken again, earning the attention of your fellow group members as they soon rush out to get lunch.
but you really can’t afford to waste time right now, after your dance teacher left you a reminder that he has to see you master your moves already by the time he gets back this afternoon.
and what do you know… you’re completely left alone with junghoon again.
“junghoon! haven’t seen you around recently… you don’t wanna get chicken with the rest of the guys?” you turn to face him, shaking his head as he approaches you.
“already ate lunch, and besides, i really wanna see how your debut preparations are going,” he utters, handing you another bottle that you immediately chugged down. you didn’t realize you were that parched from practice.
“well, that’s good. i’m kinda missing you a bit lately.”
and as junghoon felt your hand brush over his as he gave you the drink, he finds himself in another epiphany at your words.
you? his crush… missing him?
as he starts to ponder deeper he’s almost convincing his thoughts that you might’ve been saying that because you miss receiving the drinks and not really spending time with him. but he’s so sure you said you missed him. it’s probably another one of the things you innocently mean, and just because of his little crush on you, he’s blowing things out of proportion. yeah… that seems to be the case.
“hey, junghoon, are you okay?” he blinks back into reality when he sees you waving a hand in front of his face. “you sure you had lunch? you just spaced out a second ago. anyway, as i was saying, i think i need a little bit of your help for this one move i’m trying to execute.”
he wasn’t able to reply when you lifted your phone screen up to him, showing him the part of the choreography you were practicing.
he’s praying there’s not a hint of a blush spreading on his cheeks right now when you get closer.
“me? well… yeah i dance but i’m more of a vocalist or—” really junghoon… y/n’s asking you right now and you throw yourself under the bus by saying that. he mentally claps for himself, sarcastically.
“what? you know i’m starting to think you haven’t eaten lunch yet with the way you’re acting right now. i know you’re a really great performer, i’ve seen most of your fancams! don’t lie to me,” you playfully jab him on his shoulder, you’re really gonna be the death of him if you keep up with your antics. at this point, he’s impressed he hasn’t slipped up on how he feels for you yet.
but… did he hear you right again? “you watch my fancams?!”
“well yeah silly… i joke around with you a lot but i’m honestly speaking when i say you’re one of the people i look up to.”
oh y/n… you really have no idea how you’d possibly make him melt at your words. he’s too dazed to express a little gratitude at your compliment, so he steers the situation.
“how about we start practicing that move together right now? gotta make it quick so you have some time to get lunch afterward you know.” and he watches you nod at him like a puppy, facing the mirror to get yourself ready. though you’re looking at his figure in the mirror so you can follow his moves, at least he could tolerate it since you’re not directly looking at him.... and possibly make him evaporate from the face of the earth with how his heart is beating fast from your gaze.
once he got over all of his internal fuss, your practice session was actually starting to go smoothly, your entire mood cheering up as you finally managed to get most of the moves right, thanks to junghoon. you don’t notice yourself starting to steal glances from him every now and then, giggling a little bit more than usual when he makes jokes as he teaches you some parts of the choreography.
the atmosphere was light for the most part, even having forgotten how you were starting to crave lunch a while ago.
it was a medley of chuckles within the room, until you break the fit, breathing in relief and turning your head towards his direction.
“last move i have to get perfect, it’s this spinning part of the choreography. i’m actually having a bit of trouble with this ‘cause it’s hard to keep balance.”
he watches you scratch your head before bringing your phone up to him again, dragging your finger to find the timestamp of that one move in the choreography video.
“i can’t seem to find which part it is, but… i’ll just show you. it kinda goes like this,” he’s already looking at you before you glance back at him one last time, staring at your figure to execute the spinning move of the choreography.
but you were caught off guard when you suddenly misstepped, your foot hitting the forgotten bottle on the floor and losing balance.
it went pitch black as you closed your eyes as a reflex, preparing yourself for the impact of the floor that never came. that was until you came to your senses, opening your eyes that were staring right at junghoon’s, and you were then reminded of why exactly people call him intimidating. but though his gaze had a fierce tinge to it, his brows were contorted into a look of worry for you. his arms were around you to catch your figure, hands secure right on your waist with a gentle hold. junghoon sharply inhales, and thankfully you broke away from his grasp, or else his heart wouldn’t be able to handle the situation further.
you scoot away from him with a little bit of distance, not forgetting to mutter a low thank you before fanning your face and looking in the opposite direction. you almost wanna curse yourself with the way blood is starting to rush at your cheeks, trying to hide your flushed expression. it’s one thing to mess up in front of junghoon, but it’s another for him to… to catch you like that. and is it really that serious for your heart to be beating like crazy right now? you can’t manage to keep it under control. there’s no way you’re going to continue practice after what just happened.
junghoon broke the deafening silence, his voice still a gentle one. “do you wanna go grab lunch now? maybe the hunger is making you a bit dizzy.”
“yeah… i think you’re right. i’ll go head out first,”
it was a whir as junghoon watched you hurry out of the practice room, head hung low and still worried about the recent scenario. he’s starting to debate with himself on whether he should be following you out the door, but his legs were already giving him an answer as he struggles to budge from his position.
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normally you’d be groaning and screaming through your pillow from how busy you were with debut preparations, but you’re thankful you weren’t able to face junghoon because of your hectic schedule approaching your debut.
it’s been a week since the incident happened, and honestly, it felt like hell whenever you were left alone with your thoughts, so you drowned yourself with practice. it got to a point where your manager’s begging you to loosen up a little bit, so here you are at your dorms, huddled up within the sheets.
for starters… you’re absolutely sure junghoon isn’t mad at you or anything. he’s very understanding with you and always teases that he knows all of your antics already, likewise as you know him very well… you’re very close with him right? as friends. but calling whatever is between you two as friendship hurls an inexplicable stomp on your chest that you hate.
and it’s gotten worse when you look back on your actions that one time. yeah he might not be mad at you but there’s this certain thought that keeps provoking you. from the combination of the way you kinda stormed out that time and ignored him throughout the whole week, it might seem like you were mad at him. it’s not totally like you never see him anymore, you still sense his presence from your peripheral vision when you stumble upon him at the company. but you weren’t making any moves to approach him at all.
“so did you finally realize you have a crush on him?” one of your members asks, earning your attention as you attempt to kick the mattress on the top bunk.
you thought that would be the last of it as you didn’t respond at all, tired of hearing your members playfully complain about your behavior lately. some chatter about how all they were talking about was how you seem so out of it lately, always staring into oblivion.
they’re not dumb… they know it’s probably because of junghoon because it’s weird that they never see the both of you together anymore. maybe it’s because you’re suffering from a severe case of being deprived of the drink junghoon always gives you that your group members almost attempted to buy you one, just so you'd cheer up.
“whatever. i’ll just wait this out until it all passes and i forget about it.”
“trust me when i say that’s the worst thing that could come out between two people pining for each other.” pining. was that really it? the spark of hope within you was starting to rekindle at the thought of junghoon possibly reciprocating your feelings. it’s just the uncertainty that’s causing all this unnecessary dilemma.
“know what? i think you watch too many movies that it’s rotten your brain and makes you say all that nonsense! and besides… shouldn’t you be dozing off now? our debut showcase is literally tomorrow.” you reply back, switching your lamp off so the room is pitch black.
“blah blah you talk too much. just don’t come running back to me when you guys finally confess to each other or something.”
your member was met with silence as you’d thrown the covers on yourself. there’s no point engaging in this conversation leading to nowhere.
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but it in fact does not pass and get forgotten like you intended it to.
from getting your makeup done, walking up to the stage and greeting the fans, your mind was torn in between focusing on your debut and the urge to clear out everything with junghoon once and for all. you’ve had the past week to think about everything and all it has led to was that you have to communicate what you feel towards him. you’re not about to act like a child and wait for him to approach you instead. enough of that passive aggressiveness.
you snap out of it straight away when your debut song starts playing, finding your body moving along muscle memory. and for a while you let yourself get washed away by the feeling of finally making one of your dreams come through, a smile tugging on your lips as you hear the fans cheer as you perform. but everything else makes its way to trace back at him.
junghoon—it’s undeniable that he was a big part of your journey from the first step you took as a trainee until you found yourself doing what you love on stage.
from the blinding lights of the venue, you were able to catch a familiar glint of someone’s eyes you were longing to meet lately. it was junghoon among the crowd, locking your gaze with him as he watched you near the end of your performance. your eyes flicker toward the banner he’s holding, decorated with your name, along with hyunwoo cheering beside him. despite the facemask he has on, you always knew it was him after all this time you’ve spent studying his features when you’re together. trying to search for something more as you drown in his gaze.
as the camera points to your figure, you don’t realize you're already smiling, holding up a pose to finish your ending fairy for the performance. it warmed your heart to see your fans appear for your debut, but it was so much more when the person you wanted to see the most showed up for support.
but as you returned backstage, it was inevitable for the air to turn a bit cold, just like how you left him hanging this past week. you knew that he deserved an apology.
he’s approaching you with a bouquet in hand, a card among the flowers which had ‘congratulations on your debut’ written on it.
with how pretty the colors of the flowers were, it was how gloomy you started a conversation with him.
“junghoon. um, about lately. i wanted… to talk to you about stuff.” you began, failing to meet his eyes.
he takes a step closer, hands in his pockets as he hides the way he’s fidgeting. “me too, y/n.”
“i’m sure you’re probably mad at me for ignoring you these past few days i—you probably have a lot of things you wanna let out on me, so i’m saying that i’m ready to hear all of it. get mad at me, it’s alright. i’m probably not making any sense, am i?” it’s the second time you’ve met his gaze in a while, staring back up at him with a slight frown.
junghoon doesn’t like seeing that expression on you, flashing you a smile instead, his eyes softening as he pats your head.
“no, no… y/n i’m not mad at you at all. honestly, i think i should be the one apologizing for last time. i shouldn’t have touched you like that so abruptly—”
you interject, backing up with a step. “it’s not that, well… yeah it kind of is but, that’s not the main point. let’s forget about whatever happened back there, i understand that i was about to fall over and you just caught me.”
he hums as a response, waiting for you to continue your string of words.
“i feel like i have to clear it out why i’ve been avoiding you lately, and i just wanna get this off my chest already. but it’s... it’s a bit difficult to tell this to you in person.”
junghoon’s giving you that encouraging look, making you break eye contact and burying your gaze within the bouquet instead.
“i’ve got something to tell you too, y/n. i do sense you’re a bit nervous—and that’s completely alright. how about we say what we want to tell each other at the same time… does that ease your nerves a bit?” you're a bit comforted talking to junghoon the way you came to know him, letting your shoulders relax around his aura like he always does.
and you flash a small smile back, meeting his eyes. “yeah… yeah. i’d like that. i mean, you always know how to make me feel at ease anyway.”
and you await his count of three, staring down at your shoes before closing your eyes in anticipation.
3…
2…
1...
“i like you!”
and it hasn’t taken you long before you realize that your chorus of voices meant that he reciprocates your words, feeling a buzz spread throughout your whole being as you check his expression for anything out of the ordinary.
but he’s just as shocked as you, holding each other’s breath like a deer caught in the headlights. you can’t help but feel your fingers fidget, alone somewhere backstage and only hearing the crumple of the bouquet wrapping and the shuffle of junghoon’s shoes.
“since when?” you broke the silence, and he shuffled his bangs in an attempt to distract you from the blush rushing to his cheeks.
“ever since i met you, y/n.”
you part your lips, surprised. “oh… i’m a bit embarrassed it took me so long to realize that i do have feelings for you too. junghoon, i’m… i really do like you and i wanted to spend more days with you in the future…” you struggle to find the words a bit, but junghoon nods as he patiently listens.
“you have no idea how much it makes me happy hearing that from you. it’s probably a bit weird hearing this from me, but really… i mean it sincerely.” he feels like the heavy weight finally lifted off from his shoulders, expecting his confession to feel like a mess of emotions, but he’s surprisingly calm.
“no, no! not weird at all. i’m relieved the junghoon i knew is back…”
“let me show you how much i like you?” junghoon asks, your heart racing when he cups your cheek with his hand, the other taking the bouquet from you so he can inch closer to your finger. the both of you close your eyes, awaiting the moment you’ve been yearning for forever, tilting your head a bit as he comes closer, almost pressing your lips against his not until—
“hey junghoon! so you were here all along huh, you suddenly ran off after the performance. i was gonna remind you that you owe me for all the fried chicken i had to buy lately! the price is no joke, i hope you know that and oh—oh. i think i’m interrupting something…”
the both of you immediately pulled away from each other upon hearing hyunwoo’s voice through the halls, earning him a fierce glare from junghoon. you huff in return… how dare hyunwoo interrupt your kiss?! really he’s gonna get it soon, narrowing your brows at him before he scurries at runs away as fast as he can.
“hyunwoo... when i catch you!”
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author's note: the lag was insane when i pasted the whole fic into Tumblr...
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Fairy x Mermaid Hybrid, A Hobbit Imagine
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Slowly and gracefully you moved amongst the gold, waiting for the dwarves to be asleep so you could venture in. You didn’t necessarily consider this stealing, you did after all use your magic to save the sons of Durin, so this was more just like a repayment.
Finding trinkets within the sea and on the land was always your favourite pass time. When Thror was King and when Smaug inhabited the mountain you didn’t want to bother with these riches. Dragons were no issue and you had even befriended some but Smaug was too much trouble to bother with. The battle of the dragon against the sons of Durin was definitely a good show.
Scoping your eyes over the treasures, a beautiful box of rings greatly intrigued you.
“Thank you, Thorin Oakenshield.” You whispered to yourself, trying the rings on for size.
“I don’t know why you are thanking me for your own theft.” Came a dark voice behind you, while the cold steel of a blade was pushed against your throat and a strong arm grabbed around your middle.
This position did not worry you, though you didn’t show it often you were stronger than the dwarf king. In this position you could feel Thorins strong embrace and it actually made you a little giddy.
Though it may have been an inappropriate reaction, his actions couldn’t help but make you giggle, the sound of bells mixing with your sweet sound.
“I would not laugh if I were you, lass!” He now shouts as presses you against the wall.
You couldn’t help but look down at him and smirk.
“Thorin! Leave her be!” You heard your old friend Thranduil order as he threw the dwarf king off of you.
Seeing your other more recent friend, Bard, behind the Elvish king, you gave him a little wave as you bit your lip.
“She is stronger, older and more powerful then anyone of us! Show her some respect!” Thranduil shouted at his fellow king.
“Respect her?! She was ste-“
“Thranduil! My darling!” You run over to the elf, interrupting the dwarf king.
Running up to him, you lightly jump and flutter up into his arms. As if on instinct, he catches you as you wrap your legs around his waist. One hand resting on his shoulder and the other carding through his lovely white hair, you can’t help but both smile at one another.
This act of gentleness from the usually stoic elf leaves Thorin shocked. Bard on the other hand, who was used to your antics, simply smiled.
Leaning down to the elf king you both kissed each other lovingly. A quick but passionate kiss shared between good friends who may or may not have spent a few intimate evenings with one another.
“How is your darling son, Thranduil?” You ask the elf king, returning to stroking his hair.
“He is well, starlight. He’s actually traveling at the moment.” He replies calmly.
“Well I might have to see if I can find him and pay him a visit.” You smirk at the king, giving him another quick kiss before jumping down and making your way to Bard.
“Hello, barge man.” You lightly flutter over the gold to him, lightly playing with his hands as you stand before him.
“Hello, little fish.” He smirks down at you, his nickname earning a light slap to the arm.
“Now you’re a king, i no longer see your boat, darling. I am very happy and proud of the king you are but it does make me miss our time together.” You pout up at him, your fingers twirling in his curls.
“I’ll try to make more time for you, little fish.” He leans down and you meet each other in a sweet kiss.
Lightly touching his cheek, your hand finds it’s way down his chest as you walk towards the last king.
Walking over to Thorin, you look down at the frowning and confused king.
“May I have your sword?” You ask him, your fingers lightly touching over the hilt of the sword. Your question earning a snicker from the other two kings.
“No you may not.” He growls and snatching your hand away.
“Oh I’m sure I’ll get a sword from you, king under the mountain.” You giggle at him, tracing along his bearded face before lightly and swiftly kissing his cheek.
Before he could react too violently you stepped away and your wings appeared behind you. Looking even further down on the dwarf king, you giggle at his stunned reaction as you make your way to the high window.
“Goodbye, boys.” You lightly called with a blow of a kiss before you flutter away, leaving two smirking kings and one stunned one.
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thewanderer-000 · 5 months
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The Beasts Within(18+ and up)
Minors DNI
TW: language, violence, horror, gore and seggual scenes
It was a cold night running from a giant beast that had took the moose Deputy Penelope Thompson had been tracking, unfortunately the thing didn't go down easily. But that wolf like creature saved her as the moose was getting ready to charge, then the rifle she held tightly to went off getting the creatures attention. Penelope ran to her black truck, that thing was huge she thought but as she started to speed up something hit. Not enough to do much but enough to alert her.
"Holy fuck, it can't be. It was behind me" I drive at it as the beast jumped out of the way then after half a mile something rammed my truck. I hit a guard rail but not the part I wanted and I'm skidding off the mountain and hit the bottom. I cut my seat belt since I couldn't get it to unbuckle, a couple big howls echo in air. I feel too disoriented to do much and feel myself going unconscious. Only thing I see is three large creatures and I see the night sky then trees as I'm dragged. A ferocious roar bellows then loud screaming, screeching then a gurgling, the most horrifying sounds to wake up to in the wilderness. Then stinging burns my arm and leg.
"Oh, this is bullshit. Ow, and my radios in the truck with my first aid. What the hell was making that racket? I gotta go back, somehow" I don't know what to do first but getting away from the area is a must. But I'm tired, thrashed and scared, also hungry. I lay back to gather strength only to hear something large standing over me then I feel a hot breath huff over me. It pushes me with its head till I'm laying on my stomach, it's sniffing me all over then the creature licks at my minor cuts and scrapes. I fain unconsciousness till it roughly turns me over on my back, I whimper and it growls and the creature resumes licking my wounds.
'Oh fuck, please don't be a bear' I sneak a peep at the beast or what I could in the dark, it could been a bear but it's smell wasn't like a bear. At any moment it could have bite into me and shook me like a chew toy, I had to calm myself mentally and was succeeding. Then it bit into my clothing and started to drag me, I had to fain sleep then I heard a truck and pow pow. The beast dropped me and ran, I got up and ran to the truck where Grace stood.
"Deputy, we found you, what happened? We found your totalled truck, well, Jess alerted us to it as she tracked you down. She- she thinks a bear had done it, you don't look too bad get in and well take you to the lumber mill to mend and stuff.
"Thank you and that would be great, let's go" I say as I get on the truck and see Jess, it was nothing but a quick ride to the lumber mill. I got myself patched up and found sleep after I got a quick nosh. In the late hours I smelled it, I smelled the big wolf scent, I changed, that smell should be gone but then again this place has no windows. The beast knew me, it smelled and tasted my blood, bit into my flesh, didn't take any but it left a hell of a mark on my arm, leg and side.
"Is it here? Should I go see, nothing is a miss... Nah, gunfire isn't happening" I said to myself but felt eerie and nervous now. And now my radio crackled then cleared.
"Deputy? You feel sore? That smell still make you nervous, even now? Or does it excite you, make you shudder, arouse that space between your legs, don't answer. I already kno-" I interrupted before this guy could continue.
"Jacob!? Shut up" I say sleepily and he chuckles but I freeze as I hear that chuckle turn into a laugh right outside.
"Come on out Deputy. Or I'll blow your house down, and worse" I feel nervous but I'm not willing to see him do worse. I put a hoodie on, I think about putting on pants but this should be quick meet, not like they haven't seen me practically naked or naked. Like what's pajama bottoms gonna hurt. I see him through the window going to the trees, I just jump out the window so as not to draw attention. I follow him swiftly as I place my hidden melee weapon on, he more than likely knows but I'm still taking it.
"OK, what do you want big bad wolf?" I snark at Jacob Seed, he smirks and his eyes looked me over and I didn't like how he how he did it. But it was still kinda hot, focus.
"What makes you think I want anything" he says cool and collected, then I smelled it and it was stronger now, it was making me a little dizzy. I stumbled to go sit on the big rock poking out of the landscape, Jacob let me hold on him for a bit of support. I wondered if it was him or something else, I wanted him to stand back but I was overwhelmed and held on to him. I felt heat rising in me, and in my face.
"You that, its smell wild, like a big wild animal" I whimpered scrunching my face in disbelief, only for Jacob to chuckle and say something I couldn't focus on as I was going through some shit, I was cool but now it's hot. He got a hold of me with his big hands making me focus on him.
"That's not me darling, I was right though. You are strong even in this form and you smell amazing, I'm more than positive my brothers can smell you now. You'll be a great addition to our family, honey" I whimpered as Jacob began inhaling me, I felt slight wetness lapping at my neck and suckling on that sweet spot.
"Huh-, stop. It'shot-" I say feeling like I'm on fire and feeling uncomfortable with Jacob that immersed into me and it didn't help he was super warm as well. And this was what I thought about in my fantasies sometimes.
"Yeah, it's like that during your change, and your first change will be complete, if this is done right-. You'll be complete and mine, blood moon is near, we'll unleash what's been waiting" he said nuzzling himself into my neck and hair. I weakly try pushing him away and couldn't, he hauls me away and drives back near St. Francis as I am going in and out of consciousness. I wake up to women pulling and pushing me to a bonfire while each article of clothing was taken off. They replaced my clothing with a wolf pelt. It's so hot that I didn't care, I had very little sweat it was alarming but I lay there and hear some of them leave. I scan the area and see Jacob with specific blood symbols, a loin cloth on. Someone places a wolf like cloak thing on Jacob and he starts chanting when he faces me. I lay panting at the heat pulsing, I whimper feeling hot, I see the blood moon then Jacob kneels pulling me to him and starts putting symbols on me in the blood.
"Jacob, please?" I cry, he only hovers over me and practices breathing in and out over me and I follow suit, synchronize my breathing to Jacob's. He lays fully against me and I feel like we're connected by breath and more as we're flush together. And he gets up on his knees and takes a knife and opens his hand, he drips it into my mouth, I should close my mouth but I don't. Jacob says more then places his bleeding hand fully over my mouth and encourages me to drink it in, I do and feel it's warmth moving throughout my body and in my core. He pulled at his loincloth and like that Jacob's hard on finds its way poking at my entrance. It's so hot I feel myself shudder.
"Oh god" I sigh as his other hand slides his tip up and down my slit teasingly but he lines it up and thrusts in hard and fast then he slowly thrust in and out. We moaned at our new felt ecstasy, Jacob kept an even pace. Allowing me to get used to him and that didn't take long luckily, Jacob picked up pace then proceeded to pound away. He bite into me and I felt a trickle travel down my breast heading towards my neck down my side and to my belly. Jacobs once blue eyes were golden, my hands found themselves at his shoulders to push away but my legs stayed wrapped around him. I take notice of my hands, now clawed, I claw into Jacob because it feels so good.
"Oh Jacob! Yes, yes, yes, yes!!! Oh fuck" Jacob was rough at this point but whatever was happening I wasn't so soft and our moans turned into grunting. I pulled Jacob close so I could bite him as he did me, it feels so amazing and I wasn't sure who finished first after Jacob pulled out. But that wasn't it, and like that I feel amazing heat like the feeling from our passion but it got sweltering and began to hurt. I see those who stayed carrying on howling, growling and dressed similar to Jacob as I felt my bones crack, my skull fracture, my jaw, my bones creak and elongate wicked painful. Then my eyes shifting to a new view, I hear and feel everything, blood seeping from my mouth as I gurgle, choke, growling, whimpering and groaning. I black out from the pain, my only memories are running around on all fours, playing and chasing other wolves, helping in hunting moose.
So free, a familiar scent, a large wolf a bit scarred a few other wolves that smelled similar to the large scarred wolf. I burped and tasted raw meat and found that I wasn't alone I looked up at who I was sleeping on and seen it was Jacob. I pulled back only to bump into a sleeping man I sit up and assess where and what happened. I feel a slight pain, I had been doing more than running hunting, then flashed on a memory to being mounted by the large scarred wolf a few times. I look around and see a few others, I quickly get up and run to find the truck and dress up in my clothes. This was a lot, I was in such a state that I didn't even hear I was being followed.
"Hey, wait. Come on stay awhile, angel" Jacob said as he neared I quickly looked away from his nudity and pulled on my clothes. Thankful the Peggies didn't throw my stuff in a pile
"And what? Why would I do that, huh?" I retort defensively, as Jacob checked me out, his sly smirk on full display as he got close, his hands found my hips then circle to my back side. I sniff him and wanting him all over again like last night, I hold on.
"Cause this is where you belong, you are mine" I pushed away from him. That bothered me, I belong to no one but when he said it I liked it, it was a confusing thing at the moment.
"Ugh, I gotta get out of here" I try to get back to putting my clothes on but Jacob made me look at him, those hands making me look up into his eyes now, their blue again.
"Hey, you're mine, you are fighting it now but she knows where she belongs" Jacob stated while his hand rested on my chest.
"You mean what you cursed me with" I spat, he still held me, his touch soft, caressing my face.
"I didn't choose that, but it would have come for you eventually" I was hesitant to ask, but I knew exactly what he meant, if I asked it would only confirm that last night was real. I gag then Jacob had me stand to the front of the truck as he held back my hair as I vomit up flesh and more, he looked after me.
"Holy fuck it really happened? Fucking sick, I ate raw meat and-" I said and throw up everything from last night's midnight hunt, Jacob laughed and took care of me then we went back to St. Francis and let me rest.
___________________
The light shone through the balcony doors in Jacob's room, a nap was the best thing and Penelope was surprisingly hungry. But first she had to leave immediately, she was attracted to Jacob and after last night it was something else, something so much more. Penelope didn't know what to do with this predicament, in a strange place with cultist werewolves that had overthrown a whole county, it's law enforcement plus a US Marshall. She slipped out of there and drove around the Whitetail mountains aimlessly, then found herself parked at the dock and sat. The evening setting in.
"A werewolf, I'm a werewolf now, scary yet interesting" I said to myself feeling it, I can smell things better, see and hear a whole lot better than before. But the hunt and being mounted by Jacob on more than a few occasions that night, I'm sore and probably from that change. A truck drove in and parked by my stolen truck but I knew, I knew it was Jacob and this was Jacob's truck. He'd have to come looking for it.
"So you needed to go for a little drive, I was starting to think you'd drive away a lot further" Jacob said after getting out one of the cultist vehicles, he looked so good I wanted to mate with him again.
"The thought crossed my mind, would you have followed me" I tease, looking at Jacob, he had a glow about him but that could just be because of the heightened senses.
"Yes, I'd throw you over my shoulder and uh-. Forget carrying you back home, I would take you where I find you. Bet that Adelaide would like to watch that" I laugh and blush furiously, this man. He wouldn't wrong.
"Think she would like to join too" I add, I know she would, Jacob shakes his head as he opens the truck door and goes to kiss my neck.
"Mm, I think we should do it some more and some more, babe" I am willing with his hands all over me. His big hands roamed and grope, I'm just going to give in and I can't deny that he feels so good. I kiss him and relish in the moment of want and desire.
"Mm hm" Jacob pulled on my clothes exposing my chest and stomach, one hand grabbing a tit and the other down my panties rubbing my mound so good. Jacob let his kisses trail off on my jaw, neck and down to my nipple then the other nipple. His mouth and tongue working diligently, he pulled away and took my shirt off as I quickly pushed down my pants and panties. Jacob threw off his jacket and practically ripped off his shirt, he lifted me up and took me to the camper shelled truck bed. With one hand he opened up the truck bed to set me down on the tailgate and let his talented mouth make way between my legs. He gives nice long flat licks from around my slit and sensitive nub, his hands gliding on and rubbing my thighs. He teases nicely, kissing and sucking on the inside of my thighs, drawing out whimpers and moans. Then to torture me a bit more he bites.
"Oh honey I could stay between your legs forever and a day" Jacob pants as he makes eye contact with me as I watch him, now he runs his hands from my thighs up to tits. His hands alternate from massage to his fingers toying with my nipples. Jacob's mouth teasing me but not eating me out yet, I'm begging him with my eyes and sighs but he continues to tease.
"Jacob, please, this is unfair" I lustfully state, he only hovers and gives softer kisses but not anywhere near my wet aching sex.
"You look beautiful like this" I whine at his words and manipulations, I bite my lip then try and push against Jacobs mouth. He softly laughs and his breath on me is making me more horny, and now I notice that his one hand is now stroking himself. His mouth continues kissing around my vaginal area, I'm so pent up and he is as well, I want it, I want him.
"Fuck, playing with your cock? I know you want it too, I want you so bad-" before I could taunt more Jacob latches his mouth on my clit lapping at it long and flatly while sucking tight. I am laid back on a sleeping bag moaning, legs wrapped around Jacob, my hips bucking as he holds me down. My one hand gripping the sleeping bag and the other holding on to Jacob, a swoosh of wetness. His mouth slowing down as my body trembles.
"Ahhh fuck, Jacob come on-" he doesn't wait, he plunges in my soaking wet hole making me squirm against him, we thrust with each other then Jacob pulled my legs up over his shoulders and thrust with more power.
___________________
They spent a few hours entwined, and were asleep cuddled up in a sleeping bag big enough for two. A nice get away from cultist details for the werewolf couple of the Whitetail Mountains, Jacob began to stir before the sun rose as is his usual routine. But he wasn't going to rush out to do training, not yet, first he must rouse his sleepy love on his chest. He softly glided his hands all over her, Penelope only nuzzle more into Jacob to avoid consciousness. Jacob thought it funny, he's a bit of a morning person while she isn't.
"Darlin', wake up" I said in a sing songy voice as she lay slowly waking.
"No" she murmured, I'll get her up eventually.
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bisluthq · 3 months
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Swiftdom's collective stupidity never ceases to baffle me. Joever is, like you say, the simplest and most normal boring thing that happens all the time with ltrs: 2 people love each other a lot, have been committed for years and arranging their lives to make it work, then gradually as a result of normal life circumstances (new job opportunities, newfound professional passions etc) one or both parties' priorities change, they start to grow apart in spite of still trying hard to make things work, until one or both of them realizes that the effort and sacrifice being invested is not worth it anymore and wishing for things to go back to how good they once were won't solve anything, and so it ends. Idk it was very clear from Lover era and Miss Americana that she felt pretty certain at the time that her peak as a popstar had already passed and it was gradually moving downhill, so even if the pandemic hadn't happened she would've continued to write and create a bunch but gone for an indie sound and/or writing for other artists.Their plan seemed to be to set base somewhere in north London and he would continue with his acting career and she would obviously still be Taylor Swif, only not 1989 era/2023 levels of fame Taylor Swift, but Lover era levels of fame Taylor Swift, which imho was something that felt manageable to both of them. 2019-2020 media appearances and promo from both of them was more open and in hindsight I think that point was the ideal balance for them. Then the pandemic happen, which halted the previous momentum Joe's acting career had been having, folkmore happened as a direct result of lockdown, which along with the re-recordings catapulted her to unprecedented levels of fame that neither of them could've possibly anticipated and that tbqh Joe didn't sign up for 🤷🏻‍♀️ objectively, it would've been stupid of Taylor to ignore the opportunity so imo it isn't fair to shame her for "choosing her career over him" bc Eras was literally the logical thing to do. And it's what almost anyone in her position would've done🤷🏻‍♀️at the same time, it would've been stupid of Joe to accept being a trophy husband who follows her around (I personally would love to be that for her lol) bc that would've never made him happy bc he yknow likes to act and likes to work. It would've been unfair for him to surrender to the excessive fame that he clearly dislikes just to stay in a rs bc besties that's a fucking lifelong thing in spite of how much Swifties insist that it's not a big deal 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️
So neither one is "right" or "wrong" bc no one cheated (physically at least) and neither did anything horrible like dv or stealing so genuinely the discourse at this point feels like a 12 year old's take and idk if it's cos there's a bunch of actual 12 yolds online or if it's just everyone being incredibly stupid and/or cognitively impaired lmao
idk I think it’s a lot of people not being willing to treat celebs as real people. Like no one on a tv show breaks up because shit just gets weird - people know they do but like TAYLOR SWIFT (the character) can’t because it doesn’t make sense to people. Idk. Just accept that she’s a person and it’s way easier to stan.
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castellamediagroup · 2 months
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YouTube watching Universal Music Group pull its entire music catalog off TikTok. TikTok's music licensing crisis with UMG
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Our latest blog post dives deep into the TikTok vs Universal Music Group showdown and how it's shaking up the digital world. We're talking about what this means for your favorite artists on TikTok, and how YouTube Shorts might just steal the spotlight. It's a game-changer for content creators and music fans alike! Don’t miss out on this critical shift in the digital music landscape. Check out our full analysis and let us know your thoughts.
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Sabrina Carpenter and Nicki Minaj on 1989 (Taylor's Version)
Theory by Ginnie (thethriftyswiftie)
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taromilksnake · 1 year
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11:03pm a wonderful day
today i went and visited the balboa kids again, and it was so much fun to see them, and a really unique experience. contacting nora and the following day and morning i was so anxious and nervous. i considered sleeping in and even when i was about to leave the house i thought about canceling (for some reason i was convinced the kids wouldn’t particularly care to see me). as soon as i popped into the doorway though, the whole class was so excited, and they all clearly missed me a lot. thinking about it now… almost 20 people all caring about me and missing me means so much. danniy said she missed me, and wants me take me home with her. tracy said he missed me, and requested i sit next to him during the movie, and joshua was so happy to see me (he didn’t change much, still so excited about his media and wimpy kid diary). yuri really opened up and chose to sit next to me (after finishing her makeup work) and was talking to me and joshua about the movie. i noticed her looking over when joshua asked why i didn’t stay at the school, though i didn’t let on. and yuri appreciates hugs now! i hugged all the kids before i left, and a few kids got quite some repeats. it was fun eating popcorn and donut and watching monsters university.
i stopped by ashley’s room too, and when she came back we hugged for a solid 4 seconds. it was reassuring to hear her struggles with the 2nd grade class, as it makes me feel less alone. she says she thinks of me often too, when honestly didn’t occur to me. it was a short and sweet catchup, and ashley promised to hit me up to hang out.
afterward i went to joanns to buy the taro colored fleece to finish the blanket, i got snacks and browsed daiso. that tired me out, so i went home.
i took a breather with some fresh tomato soup, topped with cheddar cheese and delicious bread. i sat outside on the stool to eat, since it was such a beautiful day. meowu was evidently pleased, as she come out with me and rolled on the sunny concrete before sitting like a sphinx a-ways away. came back in and opened my yesstyle purchases, and all my stylish pants fit 🔥
headed back out walking to tribute pizza, dropping off sherrys cushions and her and mikey inviting me to hang out before her night out (i took her up on the offer, but didn’t anticipate her friends so i came back down, haha) walked about enjoying the sights and browsed a store for half an hour before picking up the pizza and bringing it home. brought meowu’s dinner nearby so she can socially eat , and ate my own tasty pizza with meowu in my lap
swiffed the floor and started the fleece blanket before getting too tired (meowu came to pick me up for bed, whining and getting antsy). brushed my teeth (and enjoyed it!) before coming into bed, meowu coming to cuddle soon after. tomorrow the 3 of us will go see grandma and dad, something we haven’t done in a long time
today i felt uninhibited. i was still nervous and shy throughout, but i did things i wanted to and took my time and stopped when i no longer wanted to do something. it felt freeing and like i was living without fear. here’s to hoping that this is a taste for my future, and that a new chapter of joy is just around the corner 🌷
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speaknow · 4 years
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At midnight PST 💙
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spymade-a · 4 years
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 my   goal   in   life   is   the   have   a   reason   to   buy   one   of   those   fancy,  poofy   and   gorgeous   ball   gowns.   i   want   to   wear   it   whilst   running  through   the   halls   of   an  old   castle.
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disbear · 2 years
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Gotta say: I’m dying for 1989 Taylor’s Version now fam.
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littlemisslipbalm · 3 years
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I live in the neighbourhood
When Y/N moved to Hampstead she was unaware of the implications the decision would have on the course of the rest of her life.
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Harry is Y/N’s eccentric neighbour who sweeps her up in the whirlwind that is his life
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this gif bc its maybe my favorite clip of him EVER holy fuck - this is the harry of my dreams this is the harry of i live in the neighbourhood
HEY YALL it’s been a minute and I missed yall so much and I’m just about to be on break so maybe i’ll be back to posting writing regularly but with school its so hard and I think I’ve been working on this for months so yeah <3 lol PLS PLS PLS leave me feedback and reblogs and that stuff bc otherwise my writing just feels...empty and you have no idea the smile i get when even just the tags say like “god this was everything” it can be anything honestly but it keeps my passion up. Thank you again and hope you enjoy.
Word Count: ~10k | Warnings: swearing probably? no smut (yet), rich and famous harry - mentions of Taylor Swif 
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She considered herself an average young woman in her mid twenties. She liked screaming Taylor Swift and Megan Thee Stallion songs alone in her car and thrifting on weekends. She hated cable because of commercials and when doordash didn’t deliver all of her order. She had asthma when she worked out or the air quality was bad. She had dumb celebrity crushes that her friends and her still laughed over with every new instagram post. She had hopes and dreams she had yet to achieve and she had past trauma that many would never know about, especially at first glance.
Sure, she was successful. She would admit that. How else would she be able to afford even the modest little house she had found in Hampstead? She had studied international business in college and hopped on a plane to London the first chance she got. After a few years of a more than decent paycheck and an advantageous stimulus check from her kind parents, she was able to move out of her starter flat into the suburbs. The definitive push for the move was two-fold. Her parents wanted her to take her dog and her apartment complex was strict on no pets. Then her promotion at work - which included a pay raise - made it hard to wave off taking full ownership of her childhood ten-pound best friend.
So with life happening as it usually does, Y/N first found herself scouring Zillow, then touring homes in the area, and finally standing outside a three bedroom, two bath, two-story cream house in Hampstead. Her house.
The little moving truck she had rented sat beside her as she stared at her future. The realtor had told her they would be there in ten minutes. For the next ten minutes all Y/N had to do was keep herself from combusting, or worse, sobbing.
She felt overwhelmed already. Renting a flat in London was one way to describe herself as independent. Owning a home in Hampstead seemed like a whole new level of adulthood she wasn’t sure if she was prepared for.
After taking a few deep breaths to ground herself, Y/N walked up to the gate that kept her front yard narrowly separated from the sidewalk. She lifted one hand from beneath the box she clutched tightly to her chest to push past the iron-rod gateway. The garden was cute, a little bland, and she thought to herself that maybe she’d develop some gardening skills now that she had her own front yard. The thought made her smile a little, refraining from laughing aloud while on her lonesome, since she had never taken interest in gardening before. But this house. This house. It was a new beginning. It was a fucking unwritten journal. Blank film. Unknown territory. She could be anyone in this house.
She gently placed the cardboard box on the first step up to the front door. There was no porch, but she couldn’t complain. It was gorgeous and she was lucky to get it at the price she did. The house was cream with dark blue accents and a grey shingled roof. Lots of windows. It was classic and it was hers.
After the realtor came with her keys and made sure everything seemed alright, Y/N’s couple of friends, Amélie and Daniel, arrived with their cars filled with items she had needed picking up from various stores. They helped her move her stuff into the house. Thankfully it was already half furnished, meaning she didn’t have to go out and buy beds or couches or any of those big items that are both expensive and a hassle to deal with.
By the time the evening had rolled around, everything was in the house and it actually seemed semi put together. Y/N looked around, sweat apparent on her face and hands on her hips, proud of what she had accomplished. The nerves from earlier had been drowned by pride.
-
The next day, she woke up from her first night in the house. It felt like a dream even though she was sure she was awake.  
She had to navigate her way to the airport today to pick up her dog from his long flight and then mainly settle into the house. Her house sat on Sherwood Avenue, one of the many streets in Hampstead. It’s neighboring houses were much larger. The ones directly next to and across from her weren’t drastically bigger but what she had yet to learn was that next to the house across from her there were two houses that had been joined together by their slightly eccentric owner. A man who would be the match that ignited the flame that was the rest of her life.
This unknown fact quickly became known after Y/N’s first few weeks in her new neighbourhood. The eccentric - more so absurdly rich - neighbor who conjoined the houses was Harry Styles.
The first time they crossed paths she wasn’t even aware of it. It was the day she moved in. He had been out for his usual morning run and was rounding the corner when she had pulled up in her moving van. Once inside his home, he snoopily watched on as his neighbour began to move in. He hadn’t taken note of much about her, just that she was new and that she had a nice pair of jeans on that day.
The second time, Y/N was convinced she needed to get her eyes checked because there was no way that she had just seen Harry Styles key himself into the house across the way from her. There was no way that she had moved into the same area as him, let alone the same street. It seemed far more plausible that she needed a psych evaluation or a strong glasses prescription.
But the third instance of them crossing paths, she was proven wrong. She was on her way back from the neighbourhood park when she saw a guy jogging towards her. With a yellow beanie and a black Columbia sweatshirt paired with running shorts and shoes, he was hard to ignore running straight towards her. The iconic curls, strong jawline, and soft green eyes were dead giveaways this time. After making brief eye contact as their paths literally crossed, she felt herself make a little face of odd interest. Her head quirked and her eyes narrowed, lips pursed with slight confusion. That was definitely him.
After that, she found herself seeing Harry around the neighbourhood a relatively good amount. She’d see him at the park, at the coffee shop, on their street, and more. They didn’t speak. She really didn’t think he would want to be bothered by his neighbours and she certainly wasn’t willing to test the theory. They sometimes gave a small smile of acknowledgement but nothing really friendly. Just ‘you exist and I know that’.
-
Fridays are Y/N’s favorite day. It’s the beginning of the weekend, she never has to go into work and it’s simply a nice day. People are happier, they smile brighter and it just seems like the world is a little better than usual.
Friday was especially amazing today because her childhood best friend, Cate, was arriving at London Heathrow in the evening. Y/N had begged Cate to fly out to see the new house in person and Cate had finally found the time to run away to England for a week.
She shut her front door carefully behind her and placed her headphones in her ears. Rori, that little terrier, who had made a similar flight to see Y/N’s place not too long ago, scampered out the door with her and jumped happily at her legs as she fiddled with her phone. Her coat ruffles around her disturbed from the morning air. It’s blanket-like fabric that consisted of a deep blue backdrop with felt giraffes sewn on it, kept her warm while she walked. With her mind racing with weekend plans and ideas for her and Cate to do both in Hampstead and the city, she crossed the street like usual and began to walk with her dog to the coffee shop for her morning tea.
Unlike usual, she fumbled just as she was putting her phone in her pocket and bumped into something large and definitely not sedentary.
“I’m so sorry!” She blushed and moved backwards from the man who had just been shutting his own front gate to head somewhere.
“S’alright. No harm, no foul.” He looks down at her and her dog. Rori seems excited by the stranger and sniffs him eagerly. A single paw prodding at the man’s long leg.
She grimaces, hearing the voice and stepping back allows her to fully recognize who she had just bumped into. Her neighbour. The runner. Harry Styles.
“Sorry.” She mutters again as Rori continues to prod at Harry’s leg.
She tries to coax Rori away, but Harry simply smiles and leans down to the small dog.
“Hi there buddy,” he coos and rubs the top of the fluffy dogs head, in between his pointy ears, “What’s your name?”
“Rori.” She states easily, Harry’s eyes flickering to her smoothly. Rori makes a smile babbling noise that sounds a bit like a tiny roar - hence the name - and Harry chuckles to himself.
“He’s really adorable,” he finally says and straightens up from his admiring of the dog.
The grimace becomes more of a smile on her face and she mumbles a “Thank You”.
As her neighbour - who hasn’t introduced himself (which wasn’t necessary, but still) or bothered to ask for her introduction - seems to be about to say something new when his phone begins to vibrate obnoxiously. He twitches, his large hands immediately going to his pockets for the important device. He checks the message and looks back at her face.
“Sorry, I have to run...um,” he’s not sure what to say. He really does have to go, but he doesn’t even know his neighbour’s name. He’ll have to make sure to get it at some point in the near future. Especially now that he’s acquainted with her dog.
“No worries,” she smiles completely this time, relieved for the whole interaction to be over. She felt like she was going to explode with each passing moment. In the presence of a legendary musician, c’mon, who wouldn’t be freaking out. All she could think about was how Harry Styles now knew her dog’s name. What the fuck!
-
Upon arriving at the airport, she waited patiently for Cate to walk out of the customs area.
When she did, the two young women began jumping up and down excitedly, Y/N squealing only slightly. They hugged and began chattering intensely, catching up on lost time that generally occurs when you live an ocean apart.  
Finally, one comment rings through the constant back and forth and Cate stops.
“Wait, what did you just say,” she questions as they begin walking to catch an uber back to Hampstead.
“I think my house might be haunted?” Y/N’s voice raising because she’s unsure if that’s what Cate was talking about.
“No, no, the thing after that. I think I must’ve misheard you.”
“Harry Styles is my neighbour?” Y/N’s brows raise as she looks over at her best friend, curious to know what she will say.
“Yes! Explain. Now!”
“It’s not really a big deal. It’s a nice neighbourhood, it makes sense that celebrities of his caliber want to live there.”
“That is not explaining. You have to introduce us!”
As they climb into their uber and settle in for the short ride back to Hampstead, Y/N sighs and tells Cate everything she knows.
“We’ve only just spoken today and I’ve been here for a couple weeks. He lives across the street and down one, I guess. I just see him around, it’s not like he knows who I am. He didn’t even get my name today, just Rori’s.” She laughs lightly, still finding it funny that Harry knows her dog’s name.
Cate nods, leaning in slightly to her best friend, hardly able to contain her awestruckness from the story and baffledness at Y/N’s calmness. “So, like, when do I get to meet him?”
“Girl, I don’t fucking know. Never, if you’re going to act wild. I don’t want the neighbourhood to think I’m not chill.”
“Sometimes…” Cate starts and leans away from Y/N jokingly, “I hate you.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.”
They both smile, bumping elbows silently. The song on the radio fading in louder as their words die out.
-
The next day, Y/N took Cate to the local park. It was expansive and connected to the football fields that local teams would play at. The park section was a luscious green that was maintained with copious amounts of watering by the township.
She and Cate settled on a patch of grass near a slender tree that would offer some shade if the sun’s rays became too harsh. The quilt they sat on was something her grandmother had made her when she was maybe 8 years old, meaning it was torn in places and completely worn in a different shade of pink than it had been initially.
They set up their picnic and played music, enjoying the sunny day. Something rare and fleeting as the fall began to creep up on Hampstead.
They eat and catch up on life for about an hour. Basking in the sunlight, Y/N had laid on her back and was staring up at the clouds passing along the sky. Cate was carefully watching their surroundings, simply taking in her friend’s new home, but possibly for another reason too.
“Hey, isn’t that…” Cate trails off, trying to subtly nod in the direction of an approaching figure.
Y/N sits up, her hands holding her up from behind her. Her hair fails in front of her shoulders slightly and it’s a little disheveled from being mused in the grass. She looks discreetly in the direction of Cate’s nodding and then looks at her friend and rolls her eyes.
“Yes, but don’t say anything, he might not even notice me and I’m certainly not calling out to him.”
‘Illicit Affairs’ by Taylor Swift is playing off her speaker and as she’s about to change it, Cate turns it up slightly. They share a glare with one another before trying to act casual again, even though both of their eyes kept flickering to the man who seemed to be continuing closer and closer to their set up.
It became clear that Harry was approaching them after all and Y/N tried to carry on an unbothered conversation with Cate, which was hard with the constant nudging of Cate’s foot on her shin.
He stops a mere foot away from their blanket, beaming at the two young women lounging on the ground. He makes an attempt at a casual wave, his large hand splaying his fingers quickly, before opening his mouth to speak.
Cate beats him to the punch. “Hello there!”
“Erm, hi!” He says nicely to her and then looks at Y/N.
“No Rori today?” He inquires.
“No,” she smiles, slightly blushing at the fact that he remembered her and her dog. “He’s napping.”
“Ah, I see,” He pauses, “I feel like I need to apologize.” He continues.
“For what?” She questions and Cate watches on anxiously, mesmerized by Harry and dying to see what happens next.
“I ran off before I could even ask for your name or introduce myself. It was terribly rude.”
“Oh,” she can’t stop smiling, “It’s nothing to apologize for, I’m sure you’re busy. Besides I had to get my day started, otherwise I would’ve been late picking her up.” She points to Cate who smiles sheepishly, still internally screaming over the fact that her friend is able to talk so easily to a celebrity.
Harry nods and looks at Cate again, “Just visiting I take it then?”
She nods quickly, words escaping her. Y/N chuckles under her breath and swoops in to save her friend any embarrassment. “Cate’s my best friend and she’s been kind enough to take time out of her extremely busy life to come look at my new house.”
He hums, still standing a respectful distance from their set-up. “Nice to meet you, Cate,” he says very kindly. Then he laughs, but in a way that is like he’s beside himself. The two women both quirk their heads at him. Y/N squints her eyes slightly, trying to understand the guy she is talking to and connecting him with the man that is all over the news all of the time for his musical genius.
“Now I know your dog and best friend’s names but still not yours. At this point, I’m begging you to tell me.”
They all laugh and Y/N feels nervous for the first time since Harry had walked up.
“You first,” she smiles slyly.
His eyes widen slightly in surprise, but then go back to normal. Harry was very smart, she likely knew his name, but one, she was trying to be funny and two, she was also trying to be courteous. He preferred to introduce himself rather than just be told who he is, even if people already knew. It allowed him to maintain some normalcy.
“‘M Harry,” He says with a smile.
“Alright.” She says and then remains quiet.
Harry’s lips quirk up in a faint smile, amused at her expression.
“I thought it was a ‘show me yours and I’ll show you mine’ type of situation or was I mistaken?” He finally asks when she remains silent still.
The two young women laugh and Y/N bites the inside of her cheek, both feeling flustered and completely in control at the same time.
“You weren’t mistaken, I was just thinking.” Then she pauses again and Cate thinks Harry is about to combust and Harry thinks he’s going to as well with all the anticipation that has been built up over his neighbor’s name, even though he was pretty sure he’d heard it in passing at one point or another but had forgotten quickly afterwards.
“It’s Y/N.”
Harry releases a facetious sigh of relief, “Oh thank god! Finally!” His words quickly turn into an infectious laugh that is paired with a shining smile and she feels like she’s swooning right then and there. The control has gone out the window and she’s taken with her neighbor. He’s wonderful in that moment and she forgets about Cate or the park or anything. It’s just Harry and how it seems like he’s smiling just for her.
“Now that I’ve gotten your name,” he smiles pointedly at her after his laughter has faded away. The smile doesn’t leave his face though, his eyes still crinkled, his dimples still showing.
She nods, encouraging him to continue. Cate feels like she’s watching a movie unfold in front of her and she wishes she could record the entire interaction.
“I can finally ask you, Y/N, where did you get that fabulous coat I saw you wearing yesterday?”
She twitches further upright, eyes bringing themselves directly inline with Harry’s gaze. “Oh,” she inhales, “The giraffe one, yeah?”
He nods.
“I got it from a Goodwill years ago. It’s some vintage company that used to only make sleepwear. I looked up the tag one time and it doesn’t exist anymore. Super cool, though. Wish I could buy more.”
“Yeah,” Harry says eagerly, even taking a step towards the women, “It was so intriguing. Maybe, if you didn’t mind of course -” he falters, losing his courage for a moment, “you could bring it over and my stylist could check it out. I would love something similar and I’m sure he could figure it out.”
She shrugs. It wasn’t crazy, especially not for Harry - she assumed. She was certain he often found things he liked but there was only one of them so he would just order his own. She couldn’t help the pride that was swelling inside her though it that moment. Harry Styles liking her jacket so much he asked where it was from and then wanting his stylist to look at it. She’d jump for joy when she was in the safety of her private home later tonight with Cate.
“One condition,” she says and Harry’s brows quirk amusedly at her.
“You are a very tit for tat person,” he muses.
“Fair’s fair,” she shrugs again and then looks around her quickly, “It’s simple so don’t get too worked up over it, buddy.”
He laughs slightly again and tries to figure out what she’s looking for. When she extends a scratched up, sticker-covered point and shoot film camera he smiles.
“Can you take a picture of Cate and I? It’s always just the two of us so we never have anyone to take pictures of us together.”
Harry grins at this and her sincere face. Cate is a little taken aback, because while it’s technically true, it’s not entirely factual. They have plenty of film pictures of them - maybe not recently though. And she wasn’t going to question Y/N right now. It seemed like she knew what she was doing.
Harry takes the camera and begins to look through the viewfinder. The women scoot closer together and Cate wraps her arm around Y/N’s shoulder. She leans in to press her cheek against her best friend. They smile up at the camera and Harry crouches slightly to get a better angle.
“Alright,” he mumbles, “Ready?...Cheese!”
Their smiles stay hung on their face as they listen for the click and when the faint sound befalls their ears, Cate laughs and Y/N pulls away. She reaches forward for the camera, her hand easily brushing Harry’s large one.
Their smiles meet each other and Cate can’t help but notice how they grow as the two of them look at one another.
“Thank you,” Y/N says sweetly and pulls back to retake her seat on the blanket.
Harry straightens up, his grin falling back into that signature smirk. “No problem.”
“So-” He begins but she cuts him off.
“Well, I’m sure I’ll see you around, yeah?”
He clears his throat, feeling thrown off. “Yeah, sure. I guess next time I see you we can talk about when a good time would be for your jacket to come over?”
His voice raises at the end of his question a little more than usual, he’s trying to get her to bite, but she doesn’t seem like someone who is easily thrown off. He is trying to read her and she’s been completely cool the entire time. It’s intriguing. Even more so than the jacket, even though he’d be lying if he said he didn’t like it, it wasn’t really his focus when he walked across the park to her and Cate.
“Yep! It was nice finally meeting you Harry.”
He feels the cue to walk off and says his farewells. As he walks off, back on course to his intended destination, his head is filled with questions. Most important of them being when he would see her again.
Cate and Y/N watch him walk towards the football fields. They see him meet with a group of men and it seems like they’re there to practice or play a game. Y/N couldn’t be sure.
“He likes you!” Cate finally bursts out.
Y/N rolls her eyes, “Stop trying to make me take the piss. That’s a fucking lie and you know it.”
“It’s not! He likes you and you obviously like him, I mean, but we been knew.”
“Having a crush on the famous Harry Styles when you’re 17 is different than me liking my neighbour Harry.”
“But you like him don’t you? He’s even better than he was when he was 19. Now he’s all grown up and established and more your style anyway.”
“Shut up! He could hear you.”
“He really couldn't, he's yards away, you’re just paranoid.” Cate continues to tease and ridicule her best friend over Harry and Y/N is just about ready to up and leave, but she also can’t help but laugh it off.
“I’m literally gonna kick you out if you keep talking,” Y/N says between laughs and the women feel like they’re back in high school losing their minds over the stupidest joke ever.
“Okay, fine. But all I have to say is I will hold this over you when you end up together.”
“Yeah, yeah. Sure, whatever. Just be prepared to wait forever because I can promise you Harry Styles and I are never ending up together.”
--
Two Weeks Later
Y/N walked to her door after hearing the doorbell ring and opened it to find her neighbour standing with his arm raised ready to knock.
“Hey, Harry,” She greeted easily, but not entirely sure why he was here.
They hadn’t really seen each other since their official meeting in the park. It hadn’t bothered her and it hadn’t really bothered Harry either. It seemed like they both had extremely busy lives that they didn’t plan on throwing out the window because they had said they would meet up at some point. She liked that.
Harry had come over because he finally had a break in his schedule and was hoping to talk about the jacket and anything else really. He was interested in getting to know her and he didn’t care to hide it.
“I was wondering if you wanted to go get a coffee or something?” He asked, leaning himself against her door frame now.
Her eyebrows raise and her eyes widen a little bit, not completely sure she heard him correctly.
“Right now?!” She asked incredulously.
She was wearing an oversized grey sweatshirt and black bike shorts that peaked out from underneath the sweatshirt hem. One of her socks was shoved around her ankle while the other was pulled up flat to touch the base of her calf. She didn’t think she was looking the most presentable at the moment. She had been basking in her day off by simply laying on the couch watching hours of Netflix.
He nods, his smile growing on his face. Her flustered expression only made him happier. She was always so nonchalant with him, he wanted to see her a little more antsy.
“Unless you’re busy,” he adds seriously, not wanting to bother her, just wanting to spend time with her.
“No, no. I’m not...I’m not busy. I just wasn’t expecting any plans where I would be required to go out in public. Let me just...um, come inside and then give me five minutes.”
“Sure,” Harry smiles again as he steps into her home.
Her smile is sheepish and much less genuine then the one Harry holds on his face as he takes in her abode. She tells him to make himself comfortable and then runs to her room to try and possibly fix her state in under five minutes.
She tears around her room, heaving off the frumpy sweatshirt and grabbing a long sleeve striped v-neck top she had hanging out half out of her hamper, a sign known to her that while it was clean enough to wear, if she happened to do laundry she should wash it. Slipping it over her head, she walks to her dresser and leans over to open the bottom drawer and unfolds a pair of dark wash oversized jeans. There’s no holes in them and she throws them on the bed so that she can slip out of her current pants. Next, onto the socks, she swaps out the current ones for a fresh black pair and finds her tortoise print boots to flick on. As she just about runs into her en suite bathroom, she zips the two boots up between steps. A quick comb through her hair, deodorant, two spritz of perfume, her eyelash curler and mascara and she’s running back to where Harry is waiting in her living room.
He blinks surprisedly at her promptness, usually giving people more time then what they say they need. She had indeed gotten ready in five minutes. He thought she looked breathtaking. And she felt like she was at a lack for breath in any case.
“It’s a bit cold out,” he glances to the window.
“Isn’t it always?” She smiles, finally catching her breath.
He chuckles and then nods, a smile appearing on his face as he feels a warmth in his chest at her wit.
“Ready?” He checks in.
She nods, grabbing a coat she kept hung by the door.
“Just the coffee shop down the way?” She inquires as they exit the house and she locks the door behind her.
Harry hums, waiting down a step for her to turn around and walk beside him. It was so strange to her, this felt all too normal with him. Like he was just a friend who had come to pick her up for coffee, her neighbor, nothing more.
“Did you hear the new season of the Crown is coming out soon?” Harry asks as they walk shoulder to shoulder (technically since her shoulder wasn’t in line with his).
“Really?” She looks at him, “I love that show!”
“Me too,” He looks at her and smiles happily.
“That’s amazing,” she breathes mostly to herself, half about the show and half about how Harry watches television and that he watches one of her favorite shows.
There’s silence. The brisk air pricking their cheeks as they walk down their street. Their puffs of breath create a slight mist of white ahead of them and then quickly dissipates.
Her eyes flit up to Harry’s chiseled jaw and face and she watches him as his eyes carefully and meaningfully take in his surroundings. Was it her turn to take a stab at conversation? It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence but she just wasn’t sure what was going on.
“You play football right?” She says finally as they turn onto the next street that would bring them closer to the café they both frequented.
She remembered seeing him there on several occasions. The tips he left were always overly generous, which she assumed you could do when you were exorbitantly rich. He always smiled when he ordered and knew the baristas by name. His order rarely differed and she hated to admit but she knew his two regulars. His actual “regular” was a 12 ounce black coffee, dark roast, no cream and no sugar. The other, his “I’ll actually have”, was a 16 ounce iced green tea, no cream and no sugar.
She couldn’t help that she was observant and that when ‘H’ was called at the bar she looked at what was pushed out, patiently waiting for him to come snatch it up with a smile and nod to the workers before he left. Sometimes he’d even smile at her over the lid of his drink as he exited the establishment. It was warm and inviting and she felt good about the twinkle in his eye that never seemed to waver no matter the day.
Now they were going there together and she’d have to pretend like she’d never noticed what he got as a drink.
He responds to her question with another glance at her and a simple “yes”. His hands shove into his pockets and one side of his pink lips quirk up. He continues, “I’m on a local team with some mates. We’re in a little competition with our league. The final match is coming up this Sunday actually...You should come.”
He says it so casually it almost doesn’t catch her off guard. Harry inviting her to his football game, maybe this was going to be her life now. Going to her neighbours football match. Going to Harry Styles’ football match.
“Sunday…” She sounds out, choosing to look out into the distance instead of at him. “What time?”
“Eight.”
“P.M. right?” She responds quickly, worried since she never wakes up that early and rarely before 10 a.m. on the weekends for that matter.
“Of course,” he chuckles.
They’ve come upon the café and he’s quick to grab the handle to open the door and let her go before him. She can’t stop the blush and smile that spread on her face as she ducks her head into the warm and cozy shop. Men had opened doors for her before and she really thought of herself as a strong woman who didn’t need a man for anything, but something about Harry’s action felt especially, and specifically, chivalrous. Why, she had no idea.
Neither of them stop to look at the menu. They were regulars and they both knew that about each other as well. He gestures for her to go first and she mutters her thanks before turning to the patiently waiting barista. She orders and is about to hand over her card when Harry suavely steps in and says, “Don’t worry about it. I invited you with me, I’ll pay.”
It was both completely unexpected and expected at the same time. Knowing she’d never win this fight, she thanked him again, glanced at the man taking her order and then stepped aside. Harry orders his own drink and then pays for both. Today he leaves double the amount he usually leaves for tip, she assumes since it’s two drinks he was paying for.
“You didn’t have to do that, you know?” She says quietly to him once they’re in a corner of the café waiting for their drinks.
He stands slightly slumped against the wall, closer to her height right now. He only shrugs, his good natured smile not once leaving his face since he entered this place.
“I wanted to,” he said simply right as the drinks were ready since it wasn’t particularly busy on this random Friday afternoon.
They glance outside and see that it’s begun to drizzle while they’ve been inside. She sighs, having hoped to walk around a little after being inside all day.
Instead, they sit at the corner table in the café, across from each other. She moves on from the paying thing, knowing it was simply how this guy probably operated most of his life.
He got a black coffee today, the cold and rain likely contributing to that choice.
As one pop song fades out, slightly under the sound of the coffee machines, she’s about to tell Harry she’s pretty sure she can make his final football match when ‘Cardigan’ fades in. It’s the second time a Taylor Swift song has been playing while she’s been in the presence of Harry and they were conversing. She tries to ignore one of her favorite songs at the moment. Harry doesn’t seem to pay much mind to it. His foot is tapping against his other, but it’s been tapping like that since they sat down.
“I think I could probably make it to your game,” she says finally after a pause and a sip of her own drink.
Harry grins at the response and launches into how great it will be if they win and how happy everyone will be. She smiles along and doesn’t notice the slight head swaying to the song that she’s begun.
“Fan of Taylor?” Harry inquires and Y/N’s face drops, eyes widening cartoonishly.
She stutters, a nervous laugh leaving her mouth before she can actually say something. How does she respond about liking Taylor Swift to a man who counts her as an ex. She’s at a loss.
“Yeah, uh,” she finally starts.
Harry watches her curiously, obviously noticing her discomfort as his question.
“I used to not really consider myself a fan. I don’t really follow her just because I don’t really follow...um...musicians,” she chokes out the last word realizing Harry fits that category. “But, after folklore, I don’t know, this album really spoke to me. I also really like Lover and...uh” she pauses again, sticking on 1989, an album she has argued with her friends about how it’s basically a tell all of the man before her and Taylor’s relationship.
He nods, hoping she’ll continue. He wanted to get to know her and he kind of liked seeing her squirm. “1989?” He finally supplies.
Her blush isn’t able to be covered this time. If her hair didn’t fall in front of her ears she was sure they’d be flushed with blood.
Then she draws out of her own self stress and looks at the smooth man before her and grows calm. He was amazing at winding her up and she didn’t want to seem like some young, impressionable fangirl to him. So, she squared her shoulders and straightened up in her chair.
“Yes, it was pop perfection as one of my college friends liked to say. I’d always listen to it at the gym.” Then she pauses, taking a measured breath, gaining her confidence back. Her eyes meet his, “Is there any songs off it that you particularly enjoy, Mr. Styles.”
He chuckles, mostly because of her emphasis on ‘Style’.
“Shake it off?” He asks.
“Oh fuck off!” She laughs and he joins in with her.
When they catch their breaths from laughing, they simultaneously take sips of their drinks and settle their eyes back on one another. Exes and songs written about oneself weren’t exactly the topics Harry had in mind for the coffee outing he had asked Y/N out on, but talks of exes had never been this funny with anyone else. He was grateful for her playfulness, her demeanor.
“Can I ask you something personal?” She asks quietly and seriously.
“I think we’re past that question, love,” he responds.
“Yeah, I guess,” she pauses and just about whispers, “Pretty much all of them are about you right?”
He shrugs again, his felt coat rustling around his seat. “We never really talked about every single song.”
She leans forward at the ‘we’ Harry is using about himself and Taylor Swift.
“But when I listen to the songs, I hear us in just about every one but a few.”
“Wow,” she breathes and sips her drink. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lived through something that intense and then someone commemorated in a masterpiece.”
“Do you have a favorite on that album?” He asks, moving on from her revelation.
“I love ‘I know places’, it has a cool sound. But I also really love ‘Wonderland’. They both have kind of dark sounds, yet it still is like what you have is so special that the bad bits are worth it. I don’t know, it just seems like a tv show. I don’t think my life could ever be that crazy or dramatic.” She doesn’t notice her use of ‘you’ because she had meant it as a form of analyzing the song theoretically as she had done hundreds of times with her friends,  but this time the ‘you’ is literally the ‘you’ the song is talking about.
“Love can turn anyone’s life chaotic.” Harry muses.
The green eye’s that flashed at Taylor throughout that album look at Y/N from across the table and she feels a flip in her stomach at his tone.
Maybe he notices her mild discomfort, maybe that’s just who he is. But after a beat, Harry’s onto the next topic on his mind. He launches into how he’s just returned from Scotland for a shoot for something so undercover he can’t even divulge to her, much to his dismay. She’s taken aback since she didn’t consider her someone Harry would divulge any of his private matters to, but it seemed like he already considered her a confidant. Just not for that. He wants it to be a surprise.
She smiles and listens attentively. She wonders as he goes on about his interesting yet absurdly lavish life whether he even knows what regular life is like anymore. Or if he’d even enjoy it if he experienced it.
Sure, coffee and football were plenty part of regular life . But the football league was something novel to Harry. He had just gotten to do it and he was thrilled by its normalcy.
She regarded him carefully, unsure what the next step was in this budding friendship. Was it dangerous to get involved with someone’s life which seemed to be filled with whirlwind rigor and constant change.
She liked her chaos, don’t get her wrong. She felt like she often was the odd one out in life. Always thinking differently than the ones around her. She often was the one to suggest spontaneous late night trips around town or exploration of an abandoned building known for spooky stories. She liked inviting friends over for themed parties for no specific occasions and she liked taking film pictures of friends like they were models even though it was only for her and her memories. She thought of herself as silly and fun, but what Harry described as his chaotic fun actually was regimented tight schedules of constant travel and work. Interesting experiences came out of that constant travel and work, but didn’t seem like something she necessarily wanted to get herself wrapped up in.
After coffee, they leave the café and it’s pouring now. Instead of going home, Harry insists on walking her to her place. She relents, realizing, once again, that Harry wasn’t someone who took ‘no’ for an answer. She then invites him in because it’s the polite thing to do. And Harry being Harry accepts.
“Want a dry sweatshirt while you wait?” She asks as she slips off her wet shoes and jacket in the entryway. Harry follows suit, his knit sweater being pelted with rain for the last eight minutes left him feeling cold and shivery.
He nods as he toes off his shoes and ventures back to the living room she had him wait in a few hours ago.
“Here,” She says as she tosses a grey sweatshirt in his direction. She believes it's her one from earlier, an innocuous pullover with ‘London’ in collegiate lettering on the front. He catches it as she rounds the corner to turn up the heater.
Her mistake was being so careless to not look at the sweatshirt before handing it over to her neighbor. Anyone else, maybe they wouldn’t have questioned it. But Harry, how could he not.
“What’s this?”
“A sweatshirt,” she doesn’t spare him a glance on the coach as she fiddles with the thermostat.
“It’s one of my sweatshirts,” Harry says and she can hear the smile on his face.
“That’s impossible, I’ve never borrowed-” Her brows had raised at what he said but now her words fall short.
He didn’t mean one of his personal sweatshirts that she possibly borrowed if they were better friends. No. He meant his merchandise.
“It was a gift,” she sighs as she turns to face him. He’s now wearing the sweatshirt proudly and grinning up at her smugly.
She rolls her eyes when he gives her a knowing smile.
“I didn’t know that it was the one I was handing you. Honest!”
“I thought you didn’t “keep up” with musicians,” Harry says playfully, his fingers making quotes appropriately.
“I don’t.” Her tone is serious as she plops on the couch beside Harry.
“I enjoy your music from time to time. Is that a crime?!” She finally exclaims when she can’t handle Harry’s knowing smirk.
“No it’s not, you could have just told me you were a fan!” She tries to stop him and protest that she wouldn’t consider herself a fan, but he continues, “I still would have wanted to have been friends.You’re one of the liveliest neighbors I’ve got. Everyone else on the street is rather dull.”
She chuckles, remembering finding out quickly that the street wasn’t a lively bunch.  
“I just wouldn’t say I’m a fan,” she presses and sits across from him.
He continues smiling like he knows the truth.
“I don’t think you’ve met an average person in awhile, Harry.” She finally says after they sat in silence for a few minutes because they were both too stubborn to be the first to talk.
“I would hardly call you average if that’s what you’re implying, Y/N.” He nods her way and he shifts on her plush couch, his legs adjusting themselves on their own accord. “And I know plenty of average people,” he adds huffily.
“I normally wouldn’t either, but compared to who you seem to surround yourself, I very much am. And that’s not meant to be a jab at anyone involved.”
His right hand sneaks up to his head to scratch at the base of a particularly perfect curl. His eyes squint a bit as his mind processes her claim.
“What are you trying to say exactly?”
“I’m just curious to see if you’d actually like me in your life. It seems like you want to be friends with me and that’s great, but realistically I don’t know how much I would fit into it.”
Harry scoffs, “That’s literally bullshit, just relax. I’m so chill you won’t even know what to do with me.”
Now it’s her turn to scoff. “Chill?!” She asks incredulously. Harry nods with a seriousness she hadn’t seen before.
“When’s the next time you’re flying off to another country for work?”
Harry pauses, “Um...the day after the final match. I’m beginning to film a movie, so I’ll be there for a month.”
“Busy bee,” she muses and they both chuckle.
There’s something about the somber look Harry is giving her. His eyes twinkled in the coffee shop and with playful winks she was excited to be in his presence. But after she mentions when his next trip is, he seems saddened. There’s skepticism behind his eyes and maybe he doesn’t like being challenged about who he is from other people, especially those who are new in his life.
But that’s who Y/N is, she’s straightforward and doesn’t lie to someone. If Harry was now her friend, she was going to tell it like it is to him. That personality trait she worried wouldn’t make her long for his world.
“So the cardigan? Do you have it here?” Harry changes the subject, clearly not wanting to actually consider a realistic friendship together instead just charging ahead with no hesitation. Whatever happened they would deal with it as it came. Maybe she should just go with the flow, let herself be swept up into his madness. Maybe it would be easier than fighting it.
“No.”
“Oh?”
“I do, I was joking. Where else would it be?” Her tone is light, trying to get back the shine she had seen Harry exhibit before it had vanished.
Maybe that was Harry’s effect on people. He was vibrant and like an Elton John song. You never wanted that shine to go away, never wanted the song to end. Never wanted him to stop shining his light on you. She felt this happening in just a few hours with him. When he was happy so was she and when he wasn’t entirely shining she wanted to do whatever she could to get it back.
A smile curls on his face and his green eyes narrow slightly. He’s trying to figure her out, know what she’s all about.
“Do you want to go and grab it?” His voice sweetening, almost like a tease. Maybe he means to bite his lip, maybe he doesn’t, but the effect on her is nonetheless earthshaking.
She pops up and smiles back, happy to have made him happy. As she walks out of the room to go get the cardigan that had started this all, her head tilts and she furrows her brow wondering why she felt such a sense of pride just for making him happy.
Would this man cause her to finally put someone else’s wishes ahead of hers?
-
“Are you on your way?”
She listens to Harry’s slightly worried voice crackle over the speaker of her phone as she shuts her door with the hand not holding her phone to her ear. His voice is raspy and muffled. She assumes it’s from the cold air of London at night and the scarf he is likely got wrapped around his neck.
“Yes! Jeez, I’m on my way. Walking over right now.”
It’s the final match for Harry’s football team and if they win the game then they get a trophy and it’s all Harry has been talking about since they got coffee and she handed over her cardigan.
Harry huffed an “alright” on the other side of the line and she called a “see you soon” before hanging up.
He was both eager for Y/N to come and possibly meet some of his teammates and a few of his close friends who he had invited and for her to arrive so that she wasn’t walking out late at night alone. He hadn’t known her for long, but he felt a certain protectiveness over her. She was relatively alone here, only two friends at work that she had mentioned and everyone else lived far away. She said she didn’t mind it, but Harry had a hard time understanding it since he surrounded himself with his friends as much as he could and was constantly either traveling or having them travel to see him.
He had even contemplated inviting her to come to Los Angeles with him for a month, but knew she would remind him of her ever important job that she couldn’t just randomly take a month off.
He’d have to ask her what exactly she did because every time he tried to remember, it always slipped his mind.
When her figure came into sight below the fluorescent lights, he breathed a sigh of relief. A grin spread on his face as she beamed at him and waved a bit. He didn’t understand how she couldn’t see how special she was. Every time he saw her he felt himself straighten up and feel a bubbling in his chest. Her smile was infectious and the way her eyes glittered when she looked away quickly and then returned eye contact made him want to stay in her presence forever.
“You made it!” Harry said and scooped her up in his arms, not realizing just how happy he was to see her, swinging her around in a half circle.
She laughs in surprise, but appreciates the warmth Harry’s hug offers her. She’s not quite sure they had ever touched each other before this moment beside shoulder brushes and hand touches. Nothing so...purposeful.
“I made it,” she confirms and pats him on his broad shoulders.
Questions in her mind raced as she questioned whether it was normal for friendships to happen like this. She knew in college friendships could happen this quickly. And that’s when it dawned on her, she really hadn’t made a new friend since college and that was why everything with Harry was so odd to her. She had forgotten what new friendship was. She needed to stop questioning everything and just live in the moment with a person she really liked being with.
Harry’s hands move from her waist and one stays to lead her forward so he can introduce her to some of his mates, as he had promised.
She felt at home in that moment. His hand on the small of her back, his heat radiating off of him and her hair swept behind her ears and her cheek pressed to his shoulder staring up at him sweetly.
She meets Charlotte, a member of Harry’s band who lives in London, her boyfriend, Mitch (who had just happened to find himself in Hampstead this weekend), Ben, and a few more people she couldn’t remember all the names of.
Harry’s team wins the game and Y/N’s not sure if she’s ever seen someone so happy to win an adult league football match. There wasn’t any official trophy except the one Harry had made himself and said he would even give to the other team if they won. It was engraved with the words “The World’s Greatest Football Team of Stars Ever. October 22, 2020”. It doesn’t even make sense but she’d been holding it for the entire night as he played.
He goes down the line of his friends who have been watching and gives them all jubilant kisses on the lips. When he reaches Y/N she holds out the trophy and he grins and gives her a kiss on the cheek. His lips are surprisingly soft and his scratchy stubble tickles her and she swiftly pulls back, a smile on her face and blush on her cheeks nonetheless.
Charlotte and Mitch share a look between the two of them and Ben’s eyes narrow slightly at the interaction. His eyes narrow just as they had when Harry had strutted over to the group with Y/N before the game. He had happily named everyone and she had shaken all of their hands with a warm smile on her lips. Ben had regarded her warily and she had shaken it off as the chill of the night air. But there it was again, not quite trusting of the neighbour girl Harry had just randomly befriended a few days ago.
The team and the friends of the team decide they deserve to celebrate this win, mostly at the request of Harry.
Y/N tries to find a time to leave, to return to her place so she can prepare for her day at work tomorrow. But no excuses will be heard from Harry and she has a hard time saying no to his sparkling eyes and gorgeous grin that she’s growing far too accustomed to.
She’s ushered down to the closest pub with the rest of them and finds herself chatting with Charlotte’s boyfriend. He’s the most...normal. She’s not sure how to explain it, but he doesn’t seem to be regarding her as different, unlike every other one of Harry’s friends. They were all perfectly nice and cordial with her, but she just felt like she wasn’t a part of their group, their world and she didn’t know how to explain it.
Charlotte and Mitch are rather nice too, but they’re more reserved with her. They’re musicians, like Harry, and they somewhat have that air of awareness around them that Harry sometimes gets. She thinks it’s from the fame, having to constantly be wary of who is around you, what everyone is doing, what is happening next. She doesn’t mind it, it’s just not something she’s used to.
She wishes she could just throw back some drinks and she could allow herself to be more...well just be more. More of a presence, more of herself, but she has a job she has to get to bright and early. Tomorrow was Monday and for her that meant work. So she sips a beer that Harry insisted be on his tab and she makes small talk with Charlotte’s boyfriend about how he’s been helping her produce her first EP. Charlotte occasionally pops in when she hears her name, but mostly is conversing with Mitch over something silly. Y/N knows because they keep laughing.  
Harry is going around to just about everyone in the party and she watches as he happily talks with every one of his friends. He’s ecstatic and she wonders if she’s ever experienced happiness like he has.
At midnight she attempts to make a French exit, as her mother always called it, and slip away with little to no farewells, but Harry spots her before she can.
“You’re leaving already?” Harry asks loudly, the euphoria of winning his silly little game and drinking a fair amount of pints has him at his peak boisterity.
“I have work tomorrow,” she says warily, slumping slightly from the weight of Harry’s arm slinging around her shoulder.
He turns serious and straightens up slightly, his green eyes looking especially dark in the pubs dim lighting as they look her dead in the eye. “Let me walk you home.”
“I can get home by myself,” she laughs, shrugging off his hold. “Plus, the host can’t leave his own celebration.” She gestures to everyone else happily celebrating on a Sunday, somehow not bothered by the beginning of the average week.
He steps closer, his brow furrowing for the first time that night. One of his large hands raises to his tousled hair and he runs it through the tresses. He even nibbles at his lower lip as he contemplates his decision. Then quickly and suddenly, he makes up his mind,
“No, I’ll escort you. Can’t have my neighbour walk home this late alone. I’ll just leave my card with Mitch. He’ll settle up the tab.” He smiles at his perfect plan and she grimaces feeling slightly embarrassed that he would leave his friends to walk her home. “Won’t you Mitch?” Harry calls as he grabs his coat from the wall next to the door. Mitch simply nods and Harry yells his farewells, Y/N waves meekly.
“That was...interesting,” she mulls over her words as they walk through the cold night air outside of the pub.
“Amazing, right?” Harry speaks over her less enthusiastic voice.
“You have a lot of friends,” she mused, trying to sound less disheartened than she had in her last statement.
Harry only hums and shivers slightly from the cold. His breath comes clearly out in puffs in the cold night air. Y/N’s is muffled by her scarf wrapped tightly up to her chin. She’s tucked his face as far into it as possible but her nose won’t stop from freezing as they walk.
Her hand goes up to it and she rests her palm to the tip of it. The motion grabs Harry’s attention and he looks directly at her curiously.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m freezing,” she muffles out, “This helps my cold nose not be so..cold.”
He chuckles and wraps his arm around her shoulder and she easily folds into him, welcoming any warmth right now.
After another moment of silence and them enjoying each other’s warmth and slight smell of whatever perfumes they had chosen earlier that night as well as beer and wood of the pub, Harry nuzzles his head above hers and then asks her something.
“Was that overwhelming for you?”
She’s quiet, thankful his eyes can’t reach hers right now. He was too powerful with those things.
“I, um, a little. I just...I just realized today that I haven’t made a new friend since college outside of work and it was overwhelming just hanging out with you. So all of your friends as well, yeah, it was a bit much for me.”
Harry looks out at the empty street ahead of them and sighs in realization. In his excitement, he hadn’t accounted how she might have felt tonight until just now. He wanted to kick himself for not thinking of her feelings, but other’s feelings slipped his mind so easily sometimes.
They round their street corner and she nuzzles back into his side.
“I’m sorry, love.” He rubs at her outer arm, “I didn’t think about it like that. I was just so excited for my plan to come together. Maybe next time, it’ll just be a couple of them rather than so many?”
“Sure,” she says quickly, wanting to make him happy, knowing how much he cared about his friends. “I feel like we need to hang out more with just you before I osmos into your friend group though if I’m being honest.”
“Well that can definitely be arranged,” he says and reluctantly lets go of her body. They’ve arrived at her door.
“I also want to see the inside of your house at some point.” She tugs at one of his hands before it can disappear into his warm coat pocket. “Houses,” she corrects.
“That can also be arranged,” Harry smiles with his lips closed. Pink lips and rosy cheeks extra bright from the cold. He plays with her fingers as the two stand close to one another, happy for the alone time and chalking the proximity up to heat sharing.
“You leave tomorrow right?” She finally asks.
His head falls and he sighs.
“Yeah…”
“It’s just a month,” she smiles, trying to stop Harry from being so dramatic. Especially when there was no logical reason for him to be so upset over not seeing his neighbour - she keeps telling herself.
“Are you sure you can’t quit your job and just fly out with me?” He pleads.
She throws her head back in laughter and shifts closer to him, her front porch light illuminating and shadowing every perfect place on Harry’s gorgeous face.
“Not even a chance.”
“That is a shame,” he takes an experimental step closer and she feels his breath fan across her cheeks at his last word.
She wrinkles his nose at the smell of his last beer, even though coming from him it was endearing.
Just as she feels him being to shift his head closer, she steps forward and gives him a tight hug.
“Goodnight Harry,” she whispers into his ear, “Safe travels.”
Then she’s stepping back and swiftly unlocking her door. She moves it slowly so as to not wake Rori and then Harry’s left alone and dumbfounded on her doorstep.
He definitely preferred being with her alone, but now he didn’t even have that chance until next month. And nonetheless she had just sidestepped his kiss with such ease he’s not even sure if he meant to kiss her. It had felt right, but why? Because it was cold and picture perfect? Or because he was enchanted by her and liked her as more than a new friend?
She slumps in her kitchen and fixes an Emergen-C to stave off the chill of the night and any germs that might have been lurking around the pub. She hopes when she walks to her bedroom she can check the front porch and see that Harry has gone home because she would hate to turn the light off on him.
How could he have expected her to kiss him just then? They’ve only just met each other a few weeks ago? And he’s Harry Styles and she just lives in the neighbourhood. What the actual fuck had happened to her life?
2K notes · View notes
mypersonmyg · 4 years
Text
Collar Full | JJK
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*thanks @namluve for the amazing banner, i love it so much and you were so patient with me ily
Pairing: Jeongguk x reader
Genre: fluff, maybe like...very light angst, f2l, college au
WC: 20k 
Warnings: angst, language
Summary: Jeongguk asks you to help him make a short film for the girl he’s been crushing on which leads to one (fake) romantic summer
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a/n: yay, i did it! this is my first submission for the bangtan boardwalk collab, tis a fluff piece. i’m nervous and excited to see what people think, so yeah. a big thank you to my beta @namluve for looking over some of this for me as well as @honsoolie for giving it a glimpse in the earlier stages. thank you to @mindays​ for dealing with me at all lmao and @hobiance​ i await your tasty review :D
song inspo: collar full- p!atd
masterlist
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Golden film filters through waxed lenses, the call of the silver screen itching at the canister draped to your side. Fingers slip along freshly printed scripts, your eyes following the drop of dialogue as it floats through hallowed canals. The acceleration in tempo nudges at your brain, eyes pulling inward at the uneven flow. Your hand falls to scrunched shoulders, Jeongguk glancing up at you for confirmation.
“Cut!” Audible groans follow his edged tone, extras scurrying to first position while you step toward the center, lips pursed. 
“What is it?” You’re addressed, tone clipped, by lead actress Kyung-Soon. Her lengthy hair tosses over sharp shoulders with an icy glare. You wince at the challenge, hours spent couped tensing the assemblage. 
“Your volume was a little uneven and your pace was getting choppy near the middle of your dialogue.” You speak as Jeongguk saunters over, fingers coming to pinch the bridge of his nose, the audible scoff from the center of the floor an unwelcome precursor to unscripted dramatics. “I’m sure you’ll get it if we just take five and run it again.”
“You’ve been saying that for the past hour, I don’t know what you want from me!” 
Your hands fold into the creases of your jacket sleeves, the pinch of your nerves forcing the bite of teeth into fleshed cheeks. Jeongguk glances with a tilt of his head, lips already pulling into a honeyed smile, unbridled by the fatigue tugging at worn lids. You step away, eyes landing on the corner farthest from the problem ever current. 
Your warm skin presses against the cool of unmarred brick, hands gripping tugged roots in frustrated silence. Your eyes cover the expanse of the room, decidedly focusing on Jeongguk. His hair lay unkempt from the missing cap that nestled atop his head for the duration of production and his hand lay against the skin of Kyung’s arm who smiles with every inch she can manage. 
Rolling eyes and a shifted gaze befalls your attention to Taehyung who leans against the opposing wall, the thick lens of his camera pressed to scrutinizing pupils. You drag over like dead weight, pushing up against the paneling with a poke to Taehyung’s cheek. The camera falls from his face, surprise painting him like a prized portrait. 
“He sure knows how to work a room,” His chin juts to the fresh faced director now entertaining a crowd befitting a soap box. You huff, a halfhearted sound, your head drifting from side to side in a smooth swivel. 
“Too bad his endless charm can’t get us to a passing grade. I’m pretty sure my brain is going to shut down if I have to spend another second trying to work with Kyung-Soon.”
“Yeah, she’s definitely...something.” You hum, her audible laugh proof enough of her swelled ego and lack of the subtle nature. “Maybe she’ll look better in post.”
Jeongguk rises to his feet, the muscles of his thighs noticeably flexing in his fit jeans. You meet him halfway, his stride focused in your direction. He peeks over his shoulder at the crew splayed under the artificial lighting, his tongue coming to brush the corner of his lips.
“I think we should call it for the night. Everyone is just getting frustrated, we’re all tired,” He speaks in emphasis, brow raising at your swift agreement, his suggestions usually not without counters. The sludge settled in place of your brain neglects to process him enough to form a sentence of coherence, instead returning with a silent salute and a turn of the heel. 
Grunting at the haphazard manner of their disposal, you scoop up discarded scripts. An attempt to ignore the freshly folded tips and crevices, leaves you slipping the packets into your satchel, the weight already half a step past crippling. Jeongguk’s insistence of drafts and rewrites on hand evident in the added strain. Your phone is fished from deep pockets, the scroll of notifications drinking in your attention. 
“You wanna ride back together? I wanted to talk to you about something.” Your eyes lift from the brights of your screen. Jeongguk stands before you, hands shoved into leather pockets, amicable grin showcasing cheeky divots. Your ride flags you over broad shoulders, your third roommate not without an unsuspecting fourth party attached to his hip. “I was gonna stop for a bite to eat if you’re interested in avoiding that.” 
“Gladly,” A shooing hand sends Taehyung and his companion ambling to an exit flooded with half-zombies trekking into the near night. The tug of your bag draws rapt attention, the fear of torn seams pulling a breathy groan. The alternative is an inked hand hinting reprieve. 
“I didn’t realize this was so heavy, you should’ve said something.” Jeongguk easily unloads the weighted burden, his own bag loosed to his unwavering grip. Your shoulders roll in an attempt to regain flow of blood as you fall into stride. 
A step into the night reveals summer in full swing. The humid air nips at tepid cheeks, the warmth swallowing you like a venus fly. It’s a feeling akin to comfort without the fuzz of a thickened throw and the hum of scratched records. Your inhale is deep, the bump of arms drawing a sigh from sealed lips. 
The dark of Jeongguk’s jeep falls into view, set against the backdrop of stars and a moon at half crescent. The spill of a filtered streetlamp floods the vehicle, teasing the cinematic. The aesthetic draws you, the accidental mise en scene striking your mind’s eye.
“I still cannot believe you actually bought this thing,” The words are uttered with every trip of your accompaniment, but Jeongguk only finds enjoyment in your awe stricken musings.
You swing into the passenger, foot remaining at a dangle from the doorless entrance. Jeongguk tucks loose items safely into the boot catapulting in after you with a goofy half grin. “I told you it would happen! Doorless jeep andー”
“Sex on the beach, I remember. Though I do hope the second is still an empty promise,” Your words are hushed, the late hour drawing oxygen from your lungs in a premature yawn. “Dinner’s on you, right?”
“Excuse me?” Jeongguk gawks as you settle in for the argument of ages untold, food the one thing left without compromise. Your eyes trail the growth of trees as he pulls from the parking lot. “I think it’s your turn to buy me dinner.”
“You invited me!”
“Exactly, common courtesy says that you should repay my kindness with a free meal.” 
Banter carries you to the lot of your local haunt, the gentle breeze filtering through free space, ghosting a chill over your exposed skin. Your finger pokes at risen bumps, hair shooting upwards in response to the drop in temperature. You watch in envy, Jeongguk shedding the heavy leather that coats his arms, swiping tendrils of dark locks from his obstructed eye-line. The human furnace tosses the hunk of fabric, smothering you with the thick material. 
“One ketchup stain and I’m turning you in.” The jacket shrugs over your shoulders, a satisfied hum falling from your lips. Feet thud against cracked concrete, Jeongguk rounding the car and tossing a muscled arm to wrap your shoulders. Leather and perspiration swimming circles around sensitive nostrils. 
The ding overhead and the shift of starved patrons alerts your senses to the promise of food, a growl, low and fierce, ripping from your midsection. If the sound is heard it’s ignored, Jeongguk releasing you to claim the corner booth, untouched by the crowd of old. The drop of lamination is upon you before you’ve been met with the plush of vinyl cushion, your finger pushing the menu to level with the expanse of the table. 
“Can we just get two orders of burgers with fries and two shakes, one strawberry and one vanilla.” Jeongguk recites, your menu snatched just as gentle fingers comb the pointed edge. “I don’t know why you always pretend to look at these things.” 
“You never know, maybe they’ve added something new!” 
“I don’t think they’ve added anything new since this place opened. The grease stains have grease stains.”
You fiddle with loose silverware, angling the scratched metal against opposing edges to develop makeshift goal posts for your four pronged opponents. Not too soon your waitress returns with water, your fingers swiping the straws, ridding them of thin paper wraps. You scrunch the casings together, the formation of one large ball nestled at the midway mark. 
“You’re really doing this?” 
“No…” A fork slides in the direction of Jeongguk, his fingers interlocked and brows raised. He takes hold, expertly twirling his player around agile fingers. “We’re doing this.”
A reminiscent act, days before evenings consisted of the monotony of college boredom, the lock of a dorm and the incessant tapping of overworked keys. The two of you would inhabit this very booth, teeth pulling lips to snug corners, a handful of shakes down open hatches. You tilt your head for the dramatic, the pop of muscles only fueling the boy across the way. He slips a straw through parted lips, gulping deftly from the fresh glass, ice clinking against perspired edges.
“I would think that by now you would just admit defeat,” Jeongguk quips, elbows braced against rounded corners.
“Oh, I bet you’d love that, wouldn’t you, Kookie?” The twitch of his nose unlocks your playful sneer, the nickname bestowed by lovers past riling him just a hair. 
“I see how it is. You’re going down, Y/n/n.” You stare, both awaiting a first move, forks prong down, the rough of metal audible against the scrape of wood. You beat him to jump, the slide of your hand pushing forward to the objective, the ball of paper slipping when Jeongguk moves, hand the speed of light. “Gotta be faster than that.”
You’re both blind to invading stares, all drawn by the routine banter falling uncensored. The flying of curses and grunts of triumph and failure as the wrapper flies with your obscenities carries until the waitress comes bearing plates dripping with comfort. Your fork clatters, the game all but forgotten, your tied score losing out to the grumble of a stomach sensing nourishment. Jeongguk takes your absent attention as opening to his winning shot, sans fork he pinches his fingers in a flick. 
Trajectory forgone, the makeshift ball flies just left of you, landing a gentle plop against the cheek of a bending waitress. Lips suctioned you glare at Jeongguk with discontent, the woman only smiling though the subtext is undeniable. 
“I’m so sorry!” Charming smile turns to a scolded child, the wet of Jeongguk’s expanded pupils rivaling the eyes of an apologetic pup. Hands clasped and head bowed, he repeats the words, a hopeful mantra diminishing the rehearsal behind an overworked employee. “I wasn’t paying close attention, I really am so sorry.” 
“It’s alright dear, I can see why you were so caught up. You’ve got yourself quite a looker,” The heat of already mortified cheeks brings satisfaction with the pop of a fresh fry. Jeongguk flounders for response, waitress dropping a pat to firm shoulders before her quick retreat. 
“I guess you do have yourself quite a looker, hmm?” You prod, straw disappearing between soft lips to sip sweet vanilla. 
“You’re a looker alright. Good thing looks can’t kill,” He recovers, finger mimicking rapid gunfire.
“At least I’d know how to get rid of you,” Your counter befalls a hand to his heart, fry dangling from salted lips. 
“You wound me.”
“Best part of my day.” You shrug taking in the peel of cracked paint against the delicate hold of age old light fixtures, the canary yellow backdrop a dizzying choice against the forest green seating. 
Silence settles, comfortable and filled with contented chews and the slurp of thick cream. The attention shifting to you at odd intervals draws your own, Jeongguk dipping his head, ketchup of sudden importance to his marveled stare. You break the silence with a  raised brow.
“Is something bothering you?”
“Hmm?”
“You. Something. Bothering?” His shoulders pull to a shrug, a shake of the head, and the flop of a wayward fry onto an almost empty plate. You peer imploringly, fist knocking against the now crumbed table in time with deep inhales. “You said you wanted to talk about something. Is that what’s up?”
“Yeah…” A hand through his hair and a nerve peaked glance is followed by the fold of his fists against the table. You almost chuckle at the accidental dip of his pinky into the ketchup remnants drooping over his plate, but refrain at the sight of his rapt attention. “I wanted to ask a favor.”
~*~
Taehyung slurps half sogged cereal, ears peeled for your tale of infinite whoa. He’d been shocked to hear your rapid paces, the sun just barely glimpsing over clouded horizons. Your hurried explanation followed his task of a sobering breakfast before he prompted the details of your evening. 
“What?” Is his response, drowned in his still droused state. Your recount ends with a collapse into the nearest chair, eyes bugged in silent expectation. 
“He actually said that to me!” Your hands wave in the animated sort, your lack of sleep, the precursor for three cups of coffee before Taehyung had risen. Your intake provides energy to rival that of a sugar crazed toddler.
“So...Jeongguk asked you to help him wax poetic about some girl he has a crush on in the form of a romance that you’re meant to film with him as his co-star?” Taehyung’s lip twitches, movement too flashed for the naked eye, before downing sugared milk. “You said yes, right?”
“Iーwhat? I said I’d think about it followed by some weird mumbling that I didn’t even understand.”
“You have to say yes,” His words drip with cunning. “I mean, you want him to be happy yeah? If you helping him get the girl is what makes him happy then you have to do it. You’re contractually obligated.”
You inhale, retort settled at the tip of your coffee coated tongue. The stomp of feet down sturdy stairs stops your arrant reply. Jeongguk rounds sharp corners, hand sweeping the lids of sleep burdened eyes. He barely glances in your direction, the tense of the room indicative of the night prior. You slide your empty mug against the table and Taehyung stands, bowl clinking against his spoon.
“I gotta go, not be here, so I’ll see you guys later.” He slips through the door, the front slamming behind him and you seek escape as well. Thoughts a mirage of different emotions, your most current lay in the anxiety of Jeongguk’s words to you just hours ago. His posture had stiffened, hands wringing over the table, and the steady shake of worried legs had not gone unnoticed. 
Until the point of hands soaked in grease and stomach filled much the same you’d never heard once an utterance of attraction from Jeongguk. The girl he had hinted at undetected by your curious nature. There was an ache in your stomach, question of your lack of knowledge surrounding your best friend manifesting a guilty conscience. 
Your leg stretches in silent contemplation, the slip of the sun past slotted curtains flashing against bare skin. Jeongguk readies breakfast, sipping steadily at a premade protein shake. He grips you with his gaze, bottom lip pulled beneath rounded teeth. You open your mouth, the words almost dying against uncertainty.
“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” Tone feigning nonchalance you pull at a loose thread, the lengthening of the offending string wrapping around the tendrils of your pointer finger. 
“What do you mean?”
“Well clearly you’ve been planning this for a while, why wouldn’t you tell me there's someone you like in the first place?”
“I don’t know, it just never came up I guess.” His glass drains with a shrug of his shoulders, his oversized t-shirt dwarfing him despite his thick build. You often muse the duality of him; the outward confidence that spills from his every crevice meeting the awkward shyness that he often portrays in silence. Despite knowing him for years it’s always served a point of bewilderment, the ability to witness both versions. 
“It’s never come up? Guk, you’ve listened to me talk about my relationship problems more times than I can count. You’ve never thought that maybe during one of many sleepless nights you could tell me about yours?” You find solace in your stained mug, the confirmation of your dropped ball amplifying Tae’s parting words.
You always want to assure Jeongguk’s happiness. Your own something he keeps at the forefront, but your lack of attention is surely responsible for the gap of knowledge now readily apparent. Your time is spent nearly glued to his side, your summer film keeping you two joined at the hip, and yet the emotional connection seems so suddenly frayed.
“Stop that,” You glance to where he pulls a chair to your left side,  hand falling against your thigh. The warmth of his comforting palm draws a cool sigh, your focus on the feel of him being so close. “I didn’t say anything because you were going through your own stuff and I wanted to be there for you.”
“That’s no excuse. I wanna be there for you too, don’t diminish your own feelings just because you feel bad for me.”
“I don’t feel bad for you.”
“Okay, then tell me who it is we’re making this film for  before I chuck you out of the window.” Your head drops to his shoulder, arm coming to wrap around his in natural succession. 
“You’re gonna help?” His voice is raised an octave, hand squeezing your thigh. Were you not so focused on repairing your own missteps you would notice the subtle shallow of his breathing and the stutter in your chest. 
“Of course I am, I want you to be happy.” Your head lifts, a finger tapping the tip of his nose, “Unless it’s Kyung-Soon. I’m sorry, but I just can’t support that.”
“It’s not Kyung-Soon. She’s definitely more interested in what’s below the belt and not what’s beneath the skin.” You nod, glad he can see through her plastered grins and longing stares. “It’s this girl from a theory class I’m taking, Jieun.”
“Oh, Kim Jieun? I think I had a couple of classes with her last semester, she’s cute and really nice.” You recall your straight laced classmate, not much of a speaker, her silent nature to the extreme of Jeongguk’s.
Despite his habit of falling into shelter when faced suddenly with the unfamiliar, Jeongguk is still filled with playful competition and a humorous nature. It’s one of the first things you came to adore as you both grew older. The thought of Jeongguk and Jieun, the two halves as a combined entity, seems to you unfitting, though your right to judgement remains unvocalized.
“Oh, you think so?”
“Yeah, have you guys talked a lot?” You shift away from him, popping onto your feet to discard your mug. The buzzing of your phone against the counter drives you from your task, the notification staring from the screen pulling your face into a scowl of annoyance. 
“Who is it?” 
“Who do you think?”
“I thought you blocked him,” Disgust saturates his tone. Stealthily he comes to peer over your shoulder, screen still alight with the imposing message. “You’re not gonna meet with him are you? You deserve better than him, Y/n.”
“To be fair he didn’t really do anything wrong, Guk. We had a mutual agreement.” 
“Another thing that I disagree with.” You ruffle his hair, his lips pulling into an unmistakable pout. He grabs hold of your phone, dimming the screen and sliding the device into his pocket whilst you turn to him. Taking a moment, no words fill the miniscule gap distancing the two of you, his eyes working between your own with something unreadable. “You know I’m just looking out for you, right? You deserve to be happy and I just don’t think this is going to make you happy.”
“I want you to be happy too,” You come to wrap around him, burying your face against dense material and enjoying the lengthy inhale of Jeongguk’s favorite fabric softener, a reminder of times spent in the laundromat the month Taehyung had mistakenly pulled the hose from the machine. You gaze upward, offering a smile of warmth and sincerity, “So where do we start with this little project of yours.”
~*~
“Is it too late to quit?” You stand leaned against Jenogguk’s jeep, arms folded in disdain.
The shine of the sun glares against heavily tinted shades and your arms pull your lengthy coverup against bare skin. The crash of gentle waves and the iridescent blue of the clear sky aren’t enough to pull you from disinterested funk. Jeongguk rounds the car with filled arms, dropping your bag to your feet and plopping a flopped sunhat over your head.
“Yup! It’ll be fun, I promise.” 
Your first step against heated grain is reluctant, your bag tossed over your shoulder haphazardly. You almost crack at the frolic of children running the expanse of the beach, but suppress the urge to smile as Jeongguk sidles to your side. The shoreline is unmatched with the shine of the natural lighting and the push of waves onto the crowded waterfront is something you never imagined to be so eye catching.
“You know I hate the beach,” Jeongguk guides you to a clear patch of sand, unloading heavy equipment and supplies for ‘fun’. Your eyebrows draw at the teasing coo reserved for your childish complaints, Jeongguk fanning a blanket.
“Here, sit.” You do so with a huff, the heat already sticking the fabric of your swimsuit to dampened skin. You draw your back, pulling out the go-pro and Jeongguk’s prized Canon to shift in your palms. Jeongguk busies himself with standing the umbrella before he plops down beside you, arms bracing behind his head with a content sigh. “See, isn’t this nice?”
“I can’t seem to connect how this is meant to contribute to your film.” You replace both cameras, looking for a thorough explanation. A flock of seagulls congregates too close for comfort, a discarded carton soaked in ketchup peaking their interest. Unconsciously you scoot closer to Jeongguk, jumping at the bump of naked thighs. 
“Have a look around, tell me what you see.” He pushes onto his elbows, the bulge of his bicep drawing your eyes away with a clearing of your throat, glad for the covering of thick shades. 
Knees pulled to your chest you take in the surrounding area with the dip of sunglasses to the bridge of your nose. Rows of tanned bikinis and the occasional organization of eager teens fills the general vicinity. Though not too far you spot a couple, lounging against chairs, hands clasped over empty space.
A little ways down another pairing cheekily flirts, the guise of a midday swim covering blushes and timed splashes. Outward of the obvious, you note couples all around, their attention focused on their other half and the unyielding scenery. For once there’s a tug in your chest for something more, covered by the nudge of Jeongguk’s foot drawing you back. 
“Okay, I get the idea, there are couples here. But I still have no idea what this whole thing entails.” 
“I want to show her what it could be like, you know? I want her to see how I would treat her if we were in a relationship.” Your gaze widens under your shades, pupils taking on an owlish shape. 
“Then why don’t you just ask her out? Take her to the beach instead of coming here to film a trailer of what she could be experiencing in real time!” 
“It’s not that simple,” You scoff at his blatant refusal, your idea clearly not worth his entertainment. 
“This girl seems like a piece of work.”
“You have no idea,” He grunts, pulling to his feet. He extends a hand, forcing you to comply, the go-pro scooped into waiting palms. You follow his lead, hat falling to the blanket already bordered with rough grains of sand. “Let’s go into the water.”
“Yeah...no.” Your arm falls with a calculated yank and a swift retreat back to enticing shade. Jeongguk drops to his knees, fiddling with the camera before he brings the lens to face you. “What is this?”
“I know you don’t like the beach, but I promise that if you just trust me you’ll have fun.”
“I do trust you and we can have fun from here. Now, stop recording! This is supposed to be a nice romantic montage or something and you’re just bullying me.” Your hand shoots to cover your face, effectively ruining Jeongguk’s shot. “We don’t even have a script. I brought my laptop and everything.”
“A script? This isn’t supposed to be some rehearsed hollywood blockbuster, you dunce. I want it to be natural, and what’s more natural than a boyfriend coaxing his girlfriend out of her shell to have a fun beach day?”
“You’ve really thought this all out, haven’t you?” He shrugs, camera once more lifted to your face. It doesn’t hold for long, Jeongguk taking the time to get a panning shot. You almost tell him to use the Canon, the lens more equipped for passing scenery, but take the camera for yourself and hop to sanded feet. You lift it to your eye line, weight taking a moment to settle, your hands not as large as Jeongguk’s. “Hey, Guk.”
You snap a photo at the jut of his chin in your direction, the flash catching him off guard, hand shielding blinded pupils. You take free range, snapping shots in every direction, capturing ‘the essence’ as Taehyung and Jeongguk have both lamented until it was ingrained. 
“You make quite the subject, Mr.Jeon. Perhaps you should take a look into the world of modeling,” You giggle, a beautifully patterned seashell scoped from peeled irises, the roughed edges poking through an exceptional sandhill. 
You lean a tad, arm of your cover up gently catching against the bend of your crooked elbow. With quick work you slide the camera between sturdy thighs removing the offending fabric, tossing it to the opening of your bag, weary of stray sand ruining the garment. You once again lean capturing the shell, carefully eyeing the borders of the photo, determined to snap a fridge worthy shot. 
You miss the added heat to your back, a squeal of indignation ripping through pursed lips at the sudden hold on your waist. Jeongguk laughs, a devilish sound under the current circumstance. 
“Jeongguk, put me down!” He gives sway, your dangling legs swinging under the slight shift. The breath of his laborious movement mixed with harmonious laughter excites the expanse of your neck, a single arm reaching to force him away. The camera’s snatched from your wavering grip, the heavy tech somehow landing in Jeongguk’s hand and out of sight before he’s tightening his fingers to gently push the flesh of your stomach. 
“I think you need to cool off a bit,” He falls into steady pace, your kicks and attempts to wriggle just short of a spectacle. You neglect to notice an appendage still wrapped around the smaller camera, but Jeongguk makes certain your every action is on record for later use.
“Oh no no, Jeongguk please don’t!” Despite your desperate plea, you don’t hate the feel of his arms around your waist, his warmth a comfort, even under the rage of the burning sun. Jeongguk’s  laugh is nearly nightmare fuel though still one of your favorite sounds and you all but miss the bubble of your own laughter amidst the sudden chaos. “I don’t wanna go into the water!”
Your eyes are screwed, the only escape from the impending feel of cold and wet. The chatter of voices grows louder, your mind convincing you of the close proximity to the shoreline. You whimper at the stop of movement, your legs pulling upward against the meat of Jeongguk’s muscled thighs to hold off the inevitable. Jeongguk laughs into your neck, slowly lowering you.
“Would you stop it you goof?” Your grip has tightened against his forearm just as bare feet meet...sand? Your eyes fall open, jaw slackened. In your panic the telltale waves crashing along and the splash of water followed by childish laughter had escaped you. Now ever present and aware of Jeongguk’s antics the distance in the songs of the ocean are a distant hum. He smiles, an innocent curve of pink, gesturing to the stand but a few feet from you, “You want an ice cream?”
“You’re not trying to get a girlfriend, you’re trying to get a restraining order.” You pivot with a fold of your arms, annoyance heavily due to the stew of embarrassment settled in your chest. Your toes wiggle against loose sand, ignoring the tug against stray hair. 
“Come on, you know I would never actually do that to you. I’m not a monster” Despite your continued displeasure the sight of a heavily sprinkled cone draws your attention to the initial offer of sustenance. You turn, hand splayed against a jutted hip and a glower settled against Jeongguk’s ever present camera. You land against a toned arm with a gentle push of the provoking sort and fall into line behind a party of girls, none shy about their backward glances. 
The feeling was accustomed to your frequent gatherings. Jeongguk’s good looks not lost on you, so you can’t  place blame on others who take note. Ever the oblivious Jeongguk offers a wave of a tattooed hand, his mouth a pinch of acknowledgement. From his lips falls the hum of a causal melody, hand coming to rest against the small of your back, a gentle tug pulling you to his side.
You whip daggers to averted eyes, the hum turns to a whistle and Jeongguk focuses on the movement of the camera. Your own hands come to clasp at the height of your naval, the sweat beginning to accumulate beneath the thick of dark fabric leaving a hyper awareness of his placement. It’s just for aesthetic. The words do little to push away the rapid thump of overeager pulse points, despite the lens of the camera ensuring a flattering angle of your new pose. 
“What are you gonna get?” Jeongguk pulls a lip between worrying teeth, the menu, a battered and dented thing, within sight. You manage a shrug, the rub of your skin alerting you even more to his ever present warmth. The sound of giggles penetrates your thoughts when one of the girls pulls back with a coy smirk. 
“I like your tattoos.” A hand against the bicep followed by immediate retreat, a nervous chuckle in tow. Jeongguk lowers his camera, the moment muddied by unwelcome presence. You don’t engage, confident in his ability to handle himself, but surprised when he takes a lengthy step ahead of you when eyes of curiosity drink you in. 
“Thanks.” Is his curt response, his disinterest clearly lost in heart eyed tunnel vision. The movement of the line doesn’t sway her determination, hand falling to the chest of her bikini, dangled bracelets resting against blatant cleavage. 
“Did it hurt? I’ve been thinking about getting some of my own, but I’m completely afraid of needles.” Your cringe is visible, the draw of your brows and the heavy inhale alerting her to your presence once more. Jeongguk’s pupils rival the eyes of a headlight dazed doe and it crushes you to see him struggling to escape razor sharp clutches. 
“He took it like a champ actually,” You clasp your hands together, smiling up at Jeongguk with endearment. It was true that he was unfazed by the ink filled arm, his time spent coaxing you to comfort as needles pierced tanned skin. It’s a point of irritation, his desire to poke fun at your queasy demeanor while you gripped him like a vice. “I was actually the one that had a hard time looking at it. I hear it’s not so bad once you get into it though. Right, love?”
“Uh, yeah. It didn’t really hurt in the moment, but it also depends on the artist and where on your body you get the tat. It was kind of like a sunburn after though. So if you want one then you should definitely be careful about where you get your first.” The drift of her attention goes back to where her friends stand covertly gazing just feet forward. She watches you, a kiss dropped to Jeongguk’s flushed cheeks, her own cheeks deflating with the downturn of a saccharine grin. 
“Oh, well thanks.” 
You fight outward triumph, taking the squeeze of your hip as Jeongguk’s own quiet satisfaction. The two of you watch the whispered verbiage as the girl no doubt fills her friends in on her shortcoming. You would almost feel a tinge of pity were it not for the adrenaline that unknowingly drove you to such brashness. 
Stepping from Jeongguk’s hold you move ahead, stomach tossing the mood for sweet, the rolling of unsettled emotional turmoil threatening sick in the pressing heat.
“Wow, handled that like a champ,” Jeongguk prompts with the lift of the camera. You pull a candy smile, pulling up on tipped toes to press another friendly kiss against smooth apples.
“It’s not a beach day if you're not fighting off competition.” The front of the line greets with a woman of middle age, her face pulled into unrelenting joy despite the sweat she swipes with a wrinkled handkerchief. You almost decline the frozen treat, not sure of the power you hold to keep it down in the moment, but the heat and her hopeful smile draws you forward.
“I’ll have a vanilla waffle cone dipped in sprinkles and he’ll have a delicious lemon ice pop.” You snatch a sudden bill from Jeongguk’s hand and pass it over, his jaw hanging in mock outrage. Quick work is made of your order, the flow of the tiny boardwalk earning your respect in the throng of an overwhelming crowd. 
There’s a shop just across the way that catches your eye, though shoes would prove a necessity before you burn sensitive skin against hot plywood. You accept your ice cream and the bland pop, stepping to the side and taking in Jeongguk’s disgruntled appearance. 
“This is what you get for thinking you can just get away with your little stunt.” 
“Now this is bullying,” He pulls the camera inches from his nose for emphasis. “It’s a wonder I try to do nice things for her!”
You take in the slant of his fingers against boring plastic, the emergence of the golden yellow pop drawing even more his disgust. You can’t hold back your toothy grin, snatching the stick from his hand. You plop it into your mouth, savoring the cool of the ice and gently passing the cone to outstretched hands. Jeongguk tentatively licks the coating of sprinkles, his eyes remaining transfixed on the slip of the pop past lemon coated lips. 
“You should’ve seen your face, you were totallyー” Your cut by the swipe of a gentle thumb to the dimples of your cheeks. Your eyes befall a steady gaze, the dripping of artificial flavor of little importance as you stare at the man before you. 
“You had something...lemon, on your cheek there. Wouldn’t want you getting jumped by a bunch of flies or something.” 
“Oh thanks,” You turn back to your blanket, the shade of the umbrella sounding a welcome distraction from the heat in your chest and perhaps a little further south if you’re honest. 
You’ve begun to denote the unnoticeable. The little things that Jeongguk does that have always made the beat of your vitals jump just a tad and the way that he always finds ways to draw a smile despite his intention to drive you to madness. You ignore the rough of sand beneath your toes, one of the cons in a day of heat surrounded by the unknown of deep blue. 
Somehow a day spent in a place you avoid by principle isn’t so terrible with the company of your favorite person. Perhaps it’s a problem that you’ve agreed to spend many more days like this with someone who holds a piece of you, unrecognizable in the light of day. The drop of juice against warm thighs keeps your thoughts at bay, legs carrying to discard the pop to the nearest bin and rounding to find a napkin ready for retrieval. 
“We can go if you want.”
“What?”
“We can head home, I know you don’t really like it here and it was stupid of me to force you.” You look at him with the impression that a head has sprouted from the peak of his neck, his mouth stopping midway to another lick to his cone. You snort at the spill of vanilla dipped sprinkles against his toned chest. 
“No, come on.” You clean yourself of the disgusting stick and fall against the blanket to await Jeongguk to rid himself of his hefty cone. Your hands run the length of the cover, thin material useless against kicked sand. Lifting on an exhale you nearly meet face with cone, Jeongguk pulling away just in time. 
“Here, have some.” 
“Thanks.” The break yields a generous piece, sugary waffle sliding between your teeth. Jeongguk pulls the Canon, holding the camera at an angle, the question of a tilted portrait. You take the cone with your pearled muscles, smiling around it with fingers pressed to stretched cheeks. You pull closer to Jeongguk, forcing him to partake, arms slinging around his neck so your chest is flush with the round of his shoulder. 
“Hey, you wanna play a few games?” Your eyes draw to the looming shadow, thankful for the shield, but wondering why he’d approached the two of you, or rather Jeongguk, amongst a sea of ready opponents. “We’re down one guy and you look like you can work a net pretty well.”
“I would but I’mー”
“Totally gonna kick ass,” You nudge with a challenge. “I mean, you’re gonna show me just how good you are when I’m not there to crush you.” 
Uncertainty turns to conviction. The threat of defeat enough to propel Jeongguk to his feet with a dust of hands against dry trunks. His hand comes to drift down his face, the lids of his eyes following the downward drag of his palm. He glances for confirmation, your hands folded in your lap, waiting for a show, and nods his head with a loose introduction.
“Yeah, I’ll play. I’m Jeongguk,” The two clasp in a firm shake, leaving you to snicker at the shocked recovery from Jeongguk’s startling strength. 
“Jackson,” Thirst driven eyes trail your exposed form, your hands consciously dragging your cover from the lip of your bag. The action, not unnoticed by Jeongguk, lights a fire under his already competitive nature. “You're gonna be on the other team, make things a little interesting. I have to warn you though, I can be very competitive.”
“Somehow I doubt that’ll be a problem.” Your say eyebrows shoot up, already prepared for the brawl set to occur at the net. The twitch of Jeongguk’s lip and the telltale sweep of his hands against the expanse of his chest warns you of his intent. 
“Yeah, especially since I was promised a nice little reward if I can kick your ass.” You start at the wink sent your way, surprise taking hold at the brazen display. You almost blame the action on the camera, but both are forgotten against the edge of the blanket, not recording since you returned with your ice cream. `
You pick at lifted skin protruding from nervous fingers, the sudden shift in Jeongguk’s demeanor confusing. You hadn’t meant for him to take so seriously to your comment, the wins you’ve garnered against him surely of his own doing. Though it appears unrelated to his mood you wish you hadn't encouraged him to participate.
You shift to bent knees, spotting the group settled around the bleached net a ways down the beach. Unsurprising, the crowd is already thickened with prospective sweethearts, their heart eyes fueling the inflation of oversized egos. You watch as the teams are settled, not without constant glances from Jeongguk, a reassuring thumb jutting towards him with each look. 
You watch as Jackson takes first serve, Jeongguk missing the chance to spike the ball back over the net and his teammates missing the mark as well. Jeers file from the other side of the net and you stand, ready to swoop in and calm Jeongguk. The quirk of hidden dimples and the twitch of his nose stops you short. He’s toying with him.
True to form, Jeongguk comes back with a vengeance. His strong will keeps the ball from meeting home sand, his spikes and sets echoing even from your calculated distance. You flinch at the thought of his raw skin, the slap of leather no doubt contributing to later burns. You make sure to capture some shots of Jeongguk in his element, the sight something to behold.
His skin glistens in the blistering sun, sweat gliding against the line of his hair, the locks themselves dripping with effort. It’s what drags you toward him, settling along the outer edges, somehow managing a front row seat. The game is all but lost to you, vision reserved for Jeongguk and his movements of fluidity. 
You recall memories of your adolescence, days spent soaked in golden rays laying against the stump of a front yard tree. Jeongguk would tease you, his arms almost worm-like in contrast. It was never a thought that he’d grow into a young man with the potential of a front running athlete while maintaining the heart of the boy next door. 
You trace patterns against sun kissed skin, surroundings bleed into white noise, as the rapid pump of blood red consumes you. The final match comes and goes, Jeongguk unfazed by his victory. It’s exactly what you expect, the landing of his satisfied smirk on you within moments. He gives no pretense of sticking around for the post groupie haze piling up on his heels. 
“I think I’m ready to go home now,” Jeongguk huffs, the chance to send Jackson a parting wave not missed. He grabs a hold of your hand, the feeling still something that brings heat to your body despite it’s routine occurrence. 
“Yeah, let’s go.”
~*~
“You have ten minutes,” Hands come to clasp against the table, face as stoic as your muscles will allow. 
Following your impromptu beach date your phone had begun to burn a hole, your hand unable to stop the slide into the pockets without contemplation of an unanswered text. It was only in the late hours of that same night that you responded with reluctant agreement, leading you a few days later to your current whereabouts. 
“I guess I should start by apologizingー”
“Don’t apologize because you guess it’s what you have to do. I don’t want it if you’re forcing yourself.” Your tone jumps an octave, echoed in empty space, the early hour cafe remaining uninhabited save for the barista sending a look of interested concern in the midst of unloading a tray of pastries. 
You remind yourself to buy one, a danish with cherry filling. 
Across from you Park Jimin runs a hand through dark hair, aware of past mistakes and unsure how to remedy them. His eyes are tired, his plump lips even more so with the constant of worrying teeth, and his mouth etched to frown. He nurses tea, the scent of fresh honey and herbs wafting to ready nostrils the warmth of steam working to calm his senses and nurse your own as well. 
Your own drink is heavy with sugar, a drop to many of your spoon filled with the gritty substance. Your mind was elsewhere and now you absently stir, the coffee lukewarm and of little importance. A cringe follows the scrape of metal against glass, the spoon readily discarded to the soiled napkin drooped over the edge of the table. 
You’re unsure why you’re here and you’re aware of the disappointed look you’ll receive from not one, but two when Jeongguk and Taehyung learn of your early morning adventure. Sitting across from Jimin is less debilitating than you remember, the pain that had seemed to paralyze now nothing but myth. It leaves you with more worry than relief, your confusion surrounding uncovered feelings for Jeongguk still a subject of denial. 
“No, I want to apologize, I need to. I really miss you ya know?”
“Jiminー”
“And I don’t mean in the ‘keeping my bed warm kind’ of way.” He prefaces, hand raising in readied defense. 
You sense no untruth, the connection of his eyes with yours unwavering, your own gaze the one to break it. Despite your relative contentment with the situation you aren’t ready for bygones, his handling of the issue still leaving a taste of bitterness. 
“I miss when we could just talk without the pressure of everything. When you told me that you wanted more than just...I panicked and lashed out. It was uncalled for and I’m sorry. I don’t want you to hate me,” Your tongue swipes over dried lips, the buzzing tap of your phone in your jacket forcing your hurried consumption of his heavy apology.
The friendship that you had prior to benefits and sudden feelings was an easy one. There was no expectation resting in years of built connections or constant communication. It was why an arrangement seemed so easy. The smile that came alight when you passed in student flooded halls, your foot halting your movement just to flash a wave over hunched shoulders, the instances of shared lunches, his hand always nudging against your fork to steal a bite with his own. 
You wonder what’s changed.
The thoughts snap into place, the piece of your mind that had lay dormant until this moment shaking you to your core. You fish into your wallet for loose bills, the crinkled paper clutched in trembling palms. With an audible scrape, you push from your chair, standing with a glance to the door, then back to Jimin. He looks on the edge of devastation, your lack of response breeding fear for lack of acceptance.
“I don’t hate you,” Are your words of parting, the thought brief as you fly to the counter making quick work of your order. You hope your lack of hate is enough for now, the thick of your thoughts wholly geared toward one thing, one person. 
~*~
You fly through evenly parted doors, your pace slowing to a crawl. You ignore the hitch in your step, the float of pitched laughter tickling sharp ears. You scan milling faces, seeking the mop of Taehyung, his posture bent over the screen of his laptop. 
“I think I have a problem,” Your hand places a half melted smoothie in his peripheral, his laptop coming to close and his eyes flitting in your direction. He’s without urgency, your fits of panic something he grew accustomed to early on. He scoops up the half crystallized drink, taking a steadied sip.
“Problem?”
“A big one.”
“Lay it on me,” Legs kick onto the table, the tilt leaning the chair precariously. Your hands tighten against the paper of the bag pinched beneath your fingers, words like an itch that refuses to free a parched throat.
“So...I spoke to Jimin today,” A stiffen of his shoulders pulls your words with rapid succession. “He apologized and told me that he just wants to be friends again, that he doesn’t want me to hate him.”
“And you told him…?”
“I told him that I didn’t hate him, but that’s not the point.” You urge, pulling a stray chair, your weight gladly collapsing into it. “The point is that it made me think about things. It made me think about how things were before and it made me realize that I never liked Jimin”
“Really?” You ignore the dip in his tone, your eyes glancing to where Jeongguk appears to be pouring over scenes with a keen eye. “So what’s the problem then?”
“You remember how Jeongguk and I were kind of on very loose terms when I was with Jimin.”
“You mean the two months where he’d exit the room every time he saw your face? Or how about when he kicked me out of my room and into his just so he didn’t have to sleep so close to you. Yeah, I remember.” You deflate at the thought, not talking to Jeongguk for two months akin to the stomping of your heart by a metal spiked cleat. 
It was in these two months that you grew closer to your friend with benefits. Despite his part in your lengthy spat with Jeongguk he made you feel better. You realized in his quest to forgiveness that it wasn’t him that made you catch feelings. It was his actions, something for you to latch onto, the slip of your grip on Jeongguk too much for you to bear. 
Jimin had unknowingly picked up over ten years worth of slack. The little things that Jeongguk did, going unnoticed until they disappeared altogether. All it took were a few well timed glances when you weren’t between the sheets, your feelings toward Jeongguk seemingly projecting themselves instead to the only person available.
“Y/n?” Taehyung nudges your ankle with the tip of his sneaker, hand hypnotic with the swish of his smoothie. He attempts to grab hold of the bag in your fist, your arm yanking away with ferocity. 
“It’s not yours,” You once again sneak a peek at Jeongguk, his attention now reserved for one of the actors. He looks on the cusp of overwhelmed, eyes saucers beaming against bright lights. 
“Oh, what, Jeongguk gets a pastry and I don’t?”
“Because I like him, I don’t like you,” You stammer, head dipping filled with embarrassment at your confession.
“Rude.” Taehyung notes heavily sighing. 
“Not like that, you know I adore you. But I like Jeongguk as in, I think I might very possibly, almost certainly be in love with my best friend.” 
“Still don’t see why that means I can’t have a measly muffin, but go off I guess.” Your hand lands against his forearm with a small slap, your palm stinging at the slight gesture, “Oh what, do you want me to act surprised?”
“What do you mean?”
“Y/n, I’ve known from the moment I moved in. I mean, you guys practically share a room, I thought you were dating.” You skip a beat, Taehyung’s words drawing you to one thing in particular.
“But Jeongguk doesn’t have feelings for me.”
“Oh, he told you that?” Taehyung scoffs, hand still trying to snatch at the bag. 
“No, but he asked me to help him make a film for another girl. Clearly he’s not interested.”You push the bag out of reach, your arms coming to a fold and your chin resting against them on the table. You whine, mood soured even more than when you’d awoken this morning.
“You could talk to him about it, see how he actually feels.” 
“See how who feels about what?” Your heart falls from your chest, Jeongguk’s voice just above you. Taehyung opens his mouth to respond, but you beat him to it.
“Nothing really, just some changes for today's shoot! Here, I brought you some tea and a cherry danish, I know it’s your favorite,” You shove the bag at him with a toothy grin. He accepts the offering though his expression is dazed. 
“Thanks…” He takes a tentative sip of the tea, the wafting of steam meeting the tip of his nose. “Hey, where did you go this morning? I heard you head out pretty early.” 
You contemplate stretching the truth, but the look of worried curiosity portrayed in his eyes and your lack of desire to do so brings forth the truth. “I met up with Jimin.” 
Unsurprisingly his reaction mimics that of Taehyung moments prior, though the underlying aggression is evident in the shallow of his breath. You find it hard to meet his eyes, despite your recent discovery, feeling as if you’ve committed a wrong. The look he sends you a reminder of days spent on the opposite side of closed doors. 
“It was only so he could apologize, I promise. Nothing else is going on.” He seems to settle at that, though his demeanor is certainly shifted. You attempt to change the subject, finger coming to tear a piece of his exposed pastry. “So, where are we going for our next ‘date’?”
Taehyung snorts as you drag Jeongguk out of his range. You turn, walking backwards so as to take in his contemplative expression. His response comes through bread filled cheeks, “S’a sprise, ut ‘uh’ll ve f’uhn.” 
“Just because you don’t actually know doesn’t mean you have to lie. How am I supposed to be a convincing girlfriend if I don’t know the plan?” Your finger comes to swipe a stray crumb from the corner of his lip, admiring the show of dimples at your pouted remark. He shrugs, stuffing the entirety of the danish into his mouth. 
The shoot is smooth, only a minor hiccup with the lighting gets in the way of you leaving on the dot. Even then twenty minutes is nothing compared to the two hours spent capturing one scene a few nights prior. It’s mid-day when you and Jeongguk agree to call it, the collapse into your car’s leather interior an unwelcome one, the scorch of the sun burning your thighs.
A gentle knock against the driver’s side window brings your attention to the squish of Jeongguk’s cheeks against the glass. You roll it down with a snort, eyebrows raised, “Can I help you with something?”
“Wanna go somewhere?” 
“Where is somewhere?” 
“It’s a surprise.” He grins, fingers wiggling in silent anticipation, “I promise you’ll love it.” 
“Fine,” Your annoyance is feigned, Jeongguk pulling your door open. “What are you doing?”
“I’m driving,” He says, face deadly serious. You attempt to fight his grip, the door resisting every inch. “Come on, move over.”
“Whaーthis is my car!” 
“Yeah, but you don’t know where we’re going. Now scoot.” You groan hopping over the center console, hissing at the accidental rub of leather against your skin. You once again face the obstacle of acclimating to the unbearable heat, sending glares to Jeongguk all the while. His attention is on the push of your radio, his fingers slapping against various buttons until he’s pulling his phone from his back pocket and sinking it to the stereo. 
“Now that you’ve successfully commandeered my vehicle can we go?” You tap your knuckles in time with the beat of the music, head leaning back and eyes sliding to a comfortable close. The relaxing hum of Jeongguk’s muffled singing begins to lull you to sleep, the subtle shifts and bumps against smoothed asphalt only aiding in his unintentional task. 
~*~
The feel of soft hands gliding the expanse of your cheek draws you from peaceful slumber, the drag of your palm against your eyes followed by their swift flutter. Your arms swing to an upward stretch, legs following suit in the tiny space and your groan of satisfaction meets adoring chuckles. 
“Hey, sleepyhead.” You glance to the side, Jeongguk staring with a fist supporting the weight of his head. His free arm falls against the dip in his seat, attention focused solely on your half roused state. “We’re here, come on.” 
You recall your secret destination, curiosity unclasping your seatbelt and pushing you from the car. The immediate tickle of grass against the bare of your ankle and the scent of fresh greenery invades your senses. It takes but a moment for you to recognize the park. Your years spent hiking this very trail, the surrounding forest leading to a peak overlooking the town where you grew into yourselves.
“Wow, it’s exactly the same. Just as beautiful as we left it.” You spin a quick one eighty, stopping with an achingly bright smile. Jeongguk is already staring, a look of hopeful anticipation settled in his features. “Totally worth the surprise.”
“I told you!” He pumps his fist, before the tilt of his head toward the start of the trail. “Interested in a little stroll?”
“Oh but of course, lead the way.” 
Jeongguk disappears to the rear of your car, retrieving a bag that had alluded you when the journey began. He slings the pack over his shoulder and starts toward the path with a skip in his lengthy stride. You trail a little ways behind him, still taking in the familiar setting, You inhale the fresh air, a giggle falling from your lips. Jeongguk spares you a glance, his own goofy grin accompanying. He waves you forward, a shift in his step allowing for you to catch up to him. 
“Do you remember how often we used to come here? I’m sure our parents thought we were out partying or something by the time we were teens,” You reminisce fondly. “ I know for sure that my parents did not think that I was actually leaving the house at odd hours to go for a hike.” 
“Of course I remember, my parents definitely thought we were dating. They always used to slip condoms into my picnic basket. I had to throw them out before you found them and freaked out,” He laughs at the unhinge of your jaw. You stumble a bit, his arm coming to grip your arm. “Careful there klutz.” 
“They thought we were what?” You hope he doesn’t notice how flustered you are at the admittance, the trip of your words an unflattering mix with your awkward chuckle. “And you didn’t tell them that we weren’t?”
“Nah, they seemed pretty happy about it so I didn’t want to burst their bubble.” He shrugs, shaking his hair from his eyes, “It’s amazing that you never noticed with the way they treated you. They act like we’re married.” 
“Uh, maybe it’s because they’re upset they got stuck with you. My presence must be such a gift to them.”
“Oh yeah, because you’re such a catch.” He jokes, though the words bring back the actuality of your relationship. He doesn’t think you’re a catch, he thinks you’re a good friend who helps him get girls. You deflate, once again falling back a few steps. “What’s up?”
“Huh?”
“What just happened, you got all weird. You know I’m joking, right?” He stops dead, his look one lacking its usual humor.
“Yeah, of course. It just made me think of something Taehyung said,” He waits for you to elaborate. “He actually said that he thought we were dating when he moved in. Crazy…”
You think you’ve said too much, the shift of the bag against his shoulders like a tick. A time bomb that’s set to explode at any moment. Jeongguk begins walking again, tugging you forward, arm landing against your back. “Not really, a lot of people have said that to me actually. I think it’s because of how close we are.”
“Yeah, probably. It’s not a bad thing though, right? I mean, it doesn’t bother you that people think that?” You prod at the topic, gently kicking at the various stray twigs that don’t crunch beneath your feet. You look to Jeongguk, admiring the chisel of his side profile, his teeth gnawing at the flesh of his cheek.
“It doesn’t bother me, no. You’re my favorite person, as long as I have you with me I don’t really care what people think about us or what we are to each other. I only need you to know how much I care about you,” You catch the twitch of his nose, his lips pulling a shy grin. The open and close of his mouth draws your interest, curious of the words he debates speaking. “I really hated not being with you for those months that you and Jimin were...you know. I was kind of a jerk and I’m really sorry.” 
Your elbow nudges his own, a lighthearted gesture in the midst of a tricky conversation. Taking a moment you attempt to muster a response to encapsulate all of the things you want to say without giving too much away. 
“You don’t have to apologize, you weren’t the only one being a jerk. I wasn’t thinking about your feelings. I was only thinking about mine and how to make myself feel better about the whole situation,” You start, eyes looking up, the birds flying overhead and the occasional rustle of the surrounding trees interrupting your thoughts. “When I spoke to Jimin earlier today I realized that I never really had any real feelings for him, not like I thought I did.”
“What do you mean?” 
“I only thought that I wanted more with him because I didn’t have anything with you,” You pause, carefully curating the words that sit atop your chest, waiting to burst forth. “I let the tiniest things that Jimin did, things that any decent friend would, make up for all of the things I was missing out on with you. I think that the added benefits to our friendship made me think that I wanted him to be more than just someone I called when I needed to...well you know, and that wasn’t fair to anyone.” 
The air is heavy, thick with something unidentifiable. You entertain the idea that he’d caught on, your explanation not vague enough despite the lack of the more intimate details of your recent awakening. You’re about to attempt a diversion, when the slide of a turtle from the dirt hill adjacent lands in your path. Your surprise sends you jumping into Jeongguk, the sudden impact shoving him sideways only just catching both of you. 
“I’m sorry!” You fight to pull yourself upright, helping Jeongguk as well. His eyes dart across the path, attempting to find an explanation for your sudden attack. He falls into uncontrolled laughter when he spots the turtle slowly closing the distance to the other side of the trail.  “It’s not funny! That thing scared me.” 
“Yeah...I noticed,” He says through labored breaths. “You’d think a bear jumped out at you.” 
“Jerk,” You shove him off balance once more, carefully maneuvering around the turtle and getting ahead. You can still hear his winded laughter, the dizzying sound getting closer and closer until he’s slapping a hand against your shoulder. “Okay, it’s not even that funny.” 
“Of course it’s not to you, you’re the loser who freaked over a harmless turtle.” You only sigh, unable to ignore the embarrassing truth. The duration of your height is spent in the disturbance of Jeongguk’s constant teasing and your inability to ignore his jabs. 
The halt in your squabbling only comes with the opening of the trail onto the cliff overlooking your hometown. You stop mid insult, taking in the open space, the path of healthy grass covered in freshly bloomed flowers and the occasional spurt of weeds. Your sudden wave of nostalgia encourages unshed tears, your hands coming to cover the expanse of your cheeks. 
“Are you crying?” Jeongguk lowers his backpack with ease, his arms pulling at the sleeve of his tee, displaying his upper arm. 
“I can’t help it, I just love it so much here. Our friendship essentially blossomed in this very spot.” You fathom the thought of your many years with Jeongguk. You never imagined on the day of his arrival, when you were just children, would spawn into your longest lasting relationship. You wonder when your feelings crossed the border between friendship and romance, if there was a time when you knowingly shielded yourself from the idea. 
“Come eat,” You turn from your spaced gaze, Jeongguk sitting atop the same blanket you used at the beach, food splayed on top. He swats at a persistent bee, stopping short from squashing it. 
“When did you have the time to make a picnic?”
“I didn’t, I asked Jin to drop it off.” He plops a grape into his mouth, holding one out to you ready to toss. You shake your head but crouch just enough for him to aim and he shoots without miss. Both of your arms shoot up in triumph as you join him sitting cross legged among the flowers. You snatch up the bag of tteokbokki chips before Jeongguk has the chance. “Hey!”
“What? We both know you are so stingy with these.” You wiggle the packaging, enjoying the sound of the jostled chip pieces in the thick plastic. You open the bag, sniffing the spicy contents with a flair of the dramatic, Jeongguk rolling his eyes and popping another grape. You pull a few chips dropping one into your mouth and popping onto your knees. You crawl the small distance to Jeongguk and give his bottom lip a gentle tap, “Open up.”
He complies, eyes never leaving you as you pop the chip into his mouth, his teeth slowly working over it. You moan at the taste, taking no notice of Jeongguk’s ogling. When you do return your attention to him you notice his longing stare and toss your eyes between him and the bag in your hand.
“Take them,” You relent, thinking he must be showing out for your pity. This isn’t unlike your beach ‘date’, the thought sending shivers up your spine. You scold yourself, your time spent here nothing more than the friendship you share, no romantic undertones. 
In that same breath you maneuver yourself to lay down, patting the spot next to you for Jeongguk. He tosses a few chips into his mouth, busying himself before following suit, his body positioned opposite yours. You glance at him, his cheek centimetres away from the tip of your nose. 
“You ever wish we could come back to this?” He whispers, looking up, the setting of the sun already bleeding into a starlit sky. “It was so much easier dreaming about the movies, now we actually get to try to make them. It’s amazing, but I miss us just laying out here and talking about the future, our dreams.”
“Well we’re laying out here now. Tell me about your future, Guk, wanna hear all of your dreams.”
“Well, if all goes well, I’ll have the girl of my dreams. I’ll do everything I can to make her as happy as possible.” You constrict at the thought, Jieun taking your place as his number one confidant. “I’ll make movies, the greatest films of all time.”
Jeongguk pops to brace elbows, glancing over in your lack of acknowledgement. Your thoughts lay with missed opportunities and nonsensical what-ifs. He catches your lost stare, your lips pulled to a grin of the forced nature. 
“You’ll get there. We are going to make this the most gooey romantic film known to man and Jieun will be swept off of her feet,” You assure, ignoring the constant thud in your chest, a hammer to bent nails, no hope for success. “You’re already amazing at what you do, so I’d say best director is a given.”
“Yeah…” Jeongguk collapses against the blanket, hand pulling upward in search of your own. “What about you? What are your dreams.” 
“Oh...I don’t know,” You. Your sigh is inward, the air around you thick with an unknown tension. Jeongguk’s grip doesn’t waver but tightens in your attempt to withdraw. He encourages your continuance, your answer one he’s not willing to accept. “I guess I wanna write the greatest films ever made. I wanna be with someone who makes me happy...someone who knows the right thing to say all of the time, who doesn’t take themselves too seriously. I want to be with someone who knows me without having to ask and makes me feel like the most important person in the world” 
“Sounds like this person already exists,” Jeongguk’s chuckle is uneasy, the strain in his unknowingly ignored. “Do you have a crush that I don’t know about?” 
“Hmm?” You realize your implication, hand ripping from the familiar warmth and safety of Jeongguk’s. You push to a sitting position, your own rehearsed laughter leading the shake of your head. “Of course not, I mean, I’m sure someone that perfect is once in a lifetime.” 
“Doesn’t mean that you haven’t met them yet,” You shrug, his mumble surely the result of a need to make you feel adequate in a world where you’re anything but. You know you’ve met them, the confession dying on your tongue as Jeongguk pulls to his feet, abruptly putting an end to your sunset musings. He busies with cleaning up food left astray, his attention seeming to avoid you. 
The dip of your lip deepens, the crack in your heart seeming to be at its peak on this particular night. The realization that you missed once in a lifetime sitting heavy against your thoughts. 
“Are you ready to go?” You glance to Jeongguk, his arms slipping back through the stuffed pack, eyes shooting the quickly fading skyline. “It’s getting pretty late.”
“Yeah...thank you for this. I really needed it,” You shift awkwardly, unsure of the change in atmosphere that’s settled between you. 
“Of course, there’s nowhere I’d rather be.” He responds with ease, starting along the darkened trail leaving you to fall behind him and ponder the idea of those words meaning something more. 
~*~
“I’m surprised you called.” Jimin watches you fall against the low set swing, chains rattling against the weight and legs just missing the perfect dangle. You push off, brain attempting to emulate feelings you’ve previously wrestled, the ones leading hand to phone, ready for the action of a lengthy apology. 
“Me too, but I don’t think you’re the only one who owes an apology.” Feet kick against loose mulch, the tiny shavings tracing aged sneakers. You can feel Jimin’s eyes, your own meeting them with the intent of sincerity, though Jimin would argue a tinge of sadness. 
“And why is that?”
“Because I wasn’t fair and then I took it out on you, made you feel like an ass when you aren’t one.” You cringe at the risk of losing a friend, the inability to see two feet ahead shoving you three feet behind. “I thought that I had feelings for you and I got angry when you said you wanted to stick to our agreementー”
“To be fair I was kind of an ass about it,” He attempts to lighten you, smile contagious even in the thick of blinding self pity. “There it is.” 
“Shut up,” You gently shove him, swing veering off course. “I’m trying to apologize here.” 
“Okay okay, proceed.” 
“After our talk I realized that I never had feelings for you...no offense.”
“None taken.”
“I was just missing someone else more than I realized,” You finish with a breath of finality. The feeling of even the smallest of weights lifting from your chest a monumental feat. You swing a while, Jimin’s voice null for a horrifying expanse.
“Can I say something here?”
“That would be preferable, yes.” You prompt, feet digging into wood and dirt. You glance curiously, catching a knowing smile planted on plump lips. “What?”
“You figured it out, huh?” 
“Could you be more specific?”
“You figured out that you’re in love with Jeongguk.” You balk, arms folding along the plains of your chest. Jimin cackles, a hearty sound, your reaction throwing him over the edge. You wait for laughter to subside, contemplating the blasé manner of the words flowing from his lips. You can’t recall many an instance of his being in the presence of you and Jeongguk simultaneously, his opinion questionable at best. 
“Why would you say that?” You poke, standing from the swing with the flood of children beginning to overpopulate you. Jimin follows, the huff of his interrupted breathing your only indication. 
“It’s pretty obvious the way you two are head over heels,” You round mid-step eyes squinted , his words mimic those of Taehyung, their joint assumptions of Jeongguk’s reciprocation. He reads your glimpse easily enough, mouth falling in an uncensored gawk. “I’m sorry, but if you think that he was an ass to me and completely cut you off for two months because he’s a good friend then you’re an idiot.”
“He is a good friend! And he doesn’t have feelings for me because he has feelings for Jieun.” 
“Kim Jieun? There’s no way, it doesn’t add up.” Jimin chirps, dragging you the length of the path to the nearest bench, guiding you to a sit. You refuse his blatant disregard, unsure why Jeongguk would put you through this if he had no feelings for Jieun. Especially after his spouting epic about her being the girl of his dreams. 
“How would you know? Jeongguk doesn’t even like you! I doubt he’d tell you who he’s crushing on.” 
“Maybe not, but the last time I check my eyes work pretty okay and they tell me that little Jeon Jeonggukkie only has eyes for you.” His pointer lands at the tip of your nose, the scrunch of skin only egging him on. Your head attempts a slant, his finger slipping off course, but you can’t avoid the satisfaction dancing behind brown irises. “Come on, why would I lie to you about this?”
“Jimin, I’ve seen your glasses and those bad boys are pretty thick, so maybe I just find it hard to believe that you aren’t completely full of shit.” 
“No one likes a rhymer,” He growls in minor offense. “I’ve noticed that you don’t like to believe in your own dreams.” 
“I’ve noticed that you don’t know how to buzz off.” 
“I’m serious. I’m telling you what you should wanna hear but instead you’re brushing it off like no big deal and given your reaction I have a feeling I’m not the only one who’s told you this.” Jimin hums victoriously in your neglect to disagree, Taehyung’s words looping viciously. “Why don’t you tell him how you feel? The worst he could do is tell you he doesn’t feel the same.” 
“Umm yeah, exactly. I’m starting to think you’re the idiot! Why would I risk our friendship when I already know the answer is no? I’m not prepared to lose the person most important to me over a stupid crush.”
“You didn’t think I was an idiot when you wereー”
“Don’t you dare.”
“I’m just saying, take a leap of faith. When’s the last time you let your feelings guide you instead of shoving them away like they don’t exist?”
“Fine. But if this backfires I take back my apology and I do hate you.” 
“Well then make room for your new best friend pal, because this is gonna work.” 
~*~
“Guk,” Your voice is but a whisper, your only source of light, the sliver of moon peeking through clumsily sealed curtains. You tip to the edge of his bed, the light snores slipped through stuffed nostrils causing a stifled giggle. The press of your knee against the mattress has you climbing with care, avoiding the smush of resting limbs until you’re face to face with Jeongguk. 
A moment to take it in, his light breaths fanning over the bare of your cheeks, the warmth of his blanket tucked form penetrating your shorts and his borrowed crewneck. Your finger tests the bridge of his nose, lightly tracing dulled contours to the scar against his cheek. Space lessens, your face unknowingly invading his senses, mouths just inches apart. The mingling of sleep kissed breaths tantalizingly heady. You swallow, the gap nearly closed, the press of lips within reach. 
“Y/n?” His eyes flutter, large fawns coming to focus you in the dark of the room. “What are you doing?”
He doesn’t push you away, the flats of warm hands bracing the straddle of your waist, holding you steady. Your breath catches, his own still shallow from an interrupted doze.
“I came to wake you.” You whisper, volume prohibited in the silent before dawn. Your throat clears, your leg swinging over to one side. “Come on.” 
Jeongguk tosses the blanket, your face heating in rapid aversion, his body only covered by hugged briefs. He quickly slides to sweats, arm reaching for a handy sweatshirt to clothe his chiseled frame. You focus your stare on postered walls, decades of cinema painted against laminate. 
“Ready?” Jeongguk mumbles, fingers carding bedhead. You’re surprised at his lack of detective, the early hour most certainly a red flag.
“Yeah, lets go.” You lead through darkened halls. The deep rumble of snores float the gap of Taehyung’s door, his help appreciated just an hour prior. You feel the subtle lack of distance between Jeongguk and yourself, your mind over analyzing, foot missing the last step. Quick hands stop your near fall, face heating with a shake. “Careful.”
“Thanks,” He doesn’t remove the pressure of his arm until the open expanse of kitchen presents little obstacle. You stop at the slide of the back door, nodding him over whilst you ignore the building knot in your chest. “Do you plan to murder me in our backyard?” 
His chuckle is lighthearted, the note of nerves just a pitch on the side of obvious. You knock his shoulder playfully, stepping to the side. “No,  just go on.”
He steps into the night, body all but shadow as feet smush against dampened grass. You wait until he’s halfway, your finger nudging the power to the outdoor lights. You snicker at Jeongguk’s hidden jump, his heels turning with the illumination of strung lights and the makeshift screen fastened to sturdy posts.
“What did you do?” He muses once facing you. 
“Well, I figured that since you’ve been doing all of the planning lately I would plan something for you.” Your explanation is lame, but the light of Jeongguk’s eyes makes it feel less so.
“It had to be at two in the morning?” 
“Sorry, I guess I didn’t think about that. We could always just do this another time, it just took a little long to set up and I wanted to surprise you soー”
“I’m kidding, I love it,” He cuts your senseless ramble and falls to a lay against the pile of cushions you’d mustered. You toe at the bits of grass poking past cool concrete, next move unsure, mind never able to work past the initial thrill. “Are you gonna come sit or am I supposed to watch alone?” 
“Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that this is a party for one. I’m exhausted so I’m just gonna head to bed, actually.” 
“Ha ha, get your ass over here before I drag it.” You do as told, plopping down, hand brushing Jeongguk’s. “So what are we watching?”
“Your pick.”
Head dipping to the side you pull a crate to view, films filling the bin with memories of movie nights past. Jeongguk tugs it to shared space, his hand wrapping around plastic casing. You watch him filter through dvds, attention focused on the draw of his lips and the concentration of furrowed brows. His grin is goofy, hand raising in ready triumph.
“How about this one?” You slip the case from his feathered grip, fingers brushing along the edge. You whither under a steady stare, but your smile is quick to combat your nerved unease upon giddy realization.
“We haven’t watched this in forever!” Your words are gushed, smile blinding in the dim of the lights strung overhead. “Getting nostalgic on me Jeon?” 
“Says the girl who dragged me out of bed at two am,” He counters, shoulder nudging your own. It’s then that your attention comes to focus on the lack of proximity, his heat washing over you in waves and the scent of settled shampoo flooding your senses. You hug the fabric of your pullover, the gentle scratch of skin against sleeves grounding you to a coherent response. 
“You love it,” Your words are murmured, fingers pulling at the chosen casing and popping the film into the near projector. “Oh! I forgot the snacks, let me go and grab themー”
“I’ll grab ‘em, I need to get something anyways,” Jeongguk is on his feet within seconds, leaving no room for your readied conjecture. “Where are they?”
“Um…there are a few boxes of candy on the middle pantry shelf and I was gonna pop some popcorn,” He nods in haste, feet carrying to the drawn sliding door. 
Your sudden solitude brings intention to light, a simple movie night meant to harbor much more, recent tidings giving you a boost you previously lacked. Despite a quest to the ultimate romantic trailer for Jeongguk and Jieun you’ve pumped yourself for a sudden confession, a hail mary.
 If what currently cycles your brain is true, there lay the possibility for more between you and Jeongguk. If he’s serious about Kim Jieun this could be your last chance to find out if he could be serious about the two of you. After a day spent on the verge, Taehyung only just able to prod you over a ledge of enticing promise, you’ve decided it’s a shot worth taking. 
Now alone, the faint pop of a mid cooked kernel floating through distracted ears, you try to find words. A day spent collecting, not only your courage, but the supplies and stealth required for your operation in progress leaving no room for peace of mind. You huff air, legs stretching against the cotton of the blanket beneath. 
“Jeongguk, can I talk to you about something?” Your voice delivers in a soft mutter, immediately followed by a cringed shake of the head. “Jeongguk, I need to tell you something? Jeongguk I want to tell you something...Jeonggukー”
“Yeah?” You start with a  pitched gasp, Jeongguk’s silent return prompting a pass of a warmed bowl.
“I was just saying I wish you would hurry up!” You’re quick to quip, head ducked to cover your awful poker-face. 
“Well excuse me your highness, I’ll only pop half of the popcorn next time.” Jeongguk scoffs, boxes of candy tossed along with the gentle placement of his Canon. You eye the offending object then Jeongguk, who busies with finding lost comfort.
“What’s this for?” You poke at the shielded lens, tongue prodding at the roof of your mouth with anxious intent. You wait for response, miniscule confidence dwindling with every empty second. Jeongguk follows your attention and swoops the camera between deft fingers, uncapping the lens to fall on your frame with a faint click. 
“I thought I’d take some candids, for the film ya know? I hope you don’t mind,” He doesn’t look for confirmation, hands already scoping the area, finger falling repeatedly to capture your impressive setup. 
Truthfully you do mind, all of your work for Jeongguk soon to be just another object of material desire for Jieun. The annoyance itching at the base of your palm, the disappointment heating the expanse of your neck and up through your cheeks breeds only a half shrug. 
“Oh, I don’t mind. Take as many as you need,” You manage to respond, albeit halfheartedly, though Jeongguk pays it little notice. 
You wait for the drop of his camera before reaching to press play, all but abandoning your idea at a confession. Even if there’s an iota of attraction on Jeongguk’s end, it’s clear in his dedication to this project that it won’t outweigh his feelings for Jieun. The rational next step is acceptance, you decide, leaning back from the projector.
You’re unsuprised to find an arm braced behind you, Jeongguk much closer than he had been moments previously. A natural position when the two of you have nights like this, whether on the couch or a blanket in the yard. You’ve come to learn it’s nothing more than a friendly comfort. You can’t help but glance at the abandoned camera, positioned not too far from a dented candy box.
You nestle into Jeongguk, prepared to brave a movie that would no doubt only occupy half of your mind, the other working to reconcile preconceived notions about the boy whose hand rubs slight patterns into the skin of your arm. You pay no mind to the trace of soft fingers, only working to chuckle at the right moments, throw the occasional witty banter, and revel in the sound of unbridled laughter. 
Sooner than you care to admit your body betrays you, the exhaustion of  the days work and the unseemly hour rolling lids to darkened hollows. You’d long since found yourself resting in the crook of Jeongguk’s neck, a blanket draped over snuggled legs. The last thing you hear before you’re lost to the world being the distant hum of Jeongguk’s voice, though no words make it through.
~*~
You blink heavy lids, the light smack of your sleep dried lips pulling you forward. Rising to braced forearms you bring a hand to swipe against the expanse of your face. It takes but moments for you to take in the strip of sunlight peeking through half-drawn curtains and the realization of last night dawns.
You’re in your room, Jeongguk, unsurprisingly, nowhere to be found. Though you can’t recall making it to the movie's end which means it was he who carried you to bed. The thought alone leaves butterflies to flutter astray on the inside, but the brush of the metaphorical wings comes to a screeching halt when you remember the night prior. 
There was no confession. You abandoned your plan.
Taehyung and Jimin would chalk it up to you chickening out, but the truth remains that Jeongguk is devoted to the attention of someone who isn’t you. It feels an act of the selfish kind to push your feelings onto him with this ever present knowledge. You tug yourself from the confines of your bodily warmth, blanket snagging against your perched ankle just as a fist raps against the wood of your door. 
“Come in,” You speak loud enough that the door is pushed inward not moments later. 
Taehyung comes ambling through, no sign of the fatigued snorer you’d last encountered. Instead he’s dawned a new man, hair freshly combed, his signatures style being flaunted for all to see. You don’t miss the suggestion in the twinkle of his eye as you pull to your feet. He replaces you against untidy covers, your destination a fresh change of clothes for a morning shower. 
“So, I just saw Jeongguk downstairs…” Taehyung trails with a slight hitch in tone, brows wiggling in uniform. 
“Okay…?”
“He looked very happy, I’m guessing last night went exactly like I said it would?” It would almost bring you satisfaction to shoot him down were it not for the given circumstance. You stop, hand running against the rough sleeve an out seasoned blazer. 
“He loved it. I let him pick the movie, it was an old one we used to watch all the time,” You chuckle, the thought of fond memories still something you hold dearly. “We made snacks, he took some shots for his film for Jieun…” 
Your words leave space for a lengthy silence, legs carrying you around your room with ease. You can sense Taehyung’s eyes burning into your back, but you refuse to meet his gaze of scrutiny. You have no doubt you’ll receive another lecture about Jeongguk’s reciprocation of your strong feelings, but you’re not sure you can take it. It’s difficult to believe the words coming from Taehyung when you spend hours watching Jeongguk look the other direction.
“Okay.” 
You glance back, catching the shrug to befall his broad shoulders. He flops to his back, hair bouncing and hand holding his phone overhead. He doesn’t utter another word and despite your relief you itch with disappointment. Even with your belief of the opposing side, Taehyung’s, and most recently Jimin’s, words of affirmation have kept you going. His blatant disregard strikes you.
“That’s it?” You’re unable to hold back, rounding on Taehyung who simply glances at you over his screen. “Okay?”
“What exactly were you expecting?”
“I was expecting you to tell me to stop wussing out and just tell him how I feel!” You inform, breathless with exasperation. You toss a shirt haphazardly onto the bed, Taehyung still staring, nonplussed, at your sudden display. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?
“Nothing, just...you don’t need me to tell you any of those things because you already know. I can only reassure you so much, if you love him as much as you think you do then it’s up to you to do what you think is right.”
You emit a groan, falling to the soft of your mattress, well aware of the truth behind his words. Your mind had already begun a path to acceptance, hearing it from Taehyung only making it more so. It’s never crossed your mind to do anything but assure Jeongguk’s heart is full, though to the same extent you’ve been clutching a sliver of hope that it could work in favor to make your heart full as well. 
You recall earlier words, imagining the smile on Jeongguk’s face this morning, probably thinking over the previous night and the progress made on his film. You lift to once more meet Taehyung who’s stare is already fixed as if sensing your coming words.
“He really looked happy this morning?”
“Cloud nine.” 
~*~
It’s a surprise, the sight of Jeongguk nursing a banana at the table when you step through the open frame to the kitchen. You were half expecting, half hoping, to miss him,  your lengthy stint under the hot stream of the shower surpassing his usual departure. His head lifts from the scroll of his phone, toothy smile quick to stretch. 
“Morning,” He chirps, taking the last bite from his flopped peel.
“Morning...I didn’t expect you to still be here.” 
“Oh, yeah, actually I wanted to ask a favor.” He mutters, tossing his peel into a nearby bin with flared dramatics. “Do you think you and Tae can handle things at the shoot today?”
You pause where you’d made way to the cabinet in search of a fresh bowl, turning to face Jeongguk with furrowed brows. The occurrence of Jeongguk missing out of anything is rare, but especially a film that the two of you have been planning since you were still dreamy eyed high schoolers. 
“Is everything okay?” 
“Yeah yeah, it’s fine, it’s great actually.” You wait for hinted elaboration, the wide of Jeongguk’s eyes and their focus into space giving the impression that he’s zoned out. You wave a quick hand before him in an attempt to pull him back. “Sorry, um...I think I have all of the footage I need for my project and I was hoping to spend today editing.”
“Oh...I thought you had another idea for a ‘date’ planned?”
“I did, but your little surprise yesterday turned out to be exactly what I needed.” You plaster a smile, the forced stretch of your muscles almost painful against the undercurrent of sadness you fight to shield from Jeongguk. “So…?”
“What? Oh, yeah! We can handle things without you for one day, not like everythings gonna fall apart.” Your attempt at banter falls flat, tone awkward and lacking in its usual ease. The feeling of your own impending break clouds the hint of humor you’ve stored for such an occasion. Jeongguk slips a hand through fluffed hair, eyeing you with a  suspicious glint.
“You okay?”
“I’m fine. I should probably grab Tae and get going though,” You backpedal, frame nearly knocking your balance with the jerk of a protruded limb. You nearly lose footing when pushed into warmth, familiar hands locking against your waist to steady.
“I’m here.” Taehyung hums, stepping around without bother once you’ve recovered. 
“Youー” You stop short, desire to scold outweighed by timed escape. “Let’s go, we’re in charge today.”
“Aren’t we in charge everyday?” Taehyung’s lax pulls you to glare, Jeongguk giggling at his nonchalance. “I think I’m more of the, I’ll get there when I get there, type of boss to be honest.”
“Well I’m the, let’s get there now so we’re not stuck there all day, kind of boss!” You yank the cuff of his sleeve, his extended arm just missing the grip of the fridge. Taehyung glances to Jeongguk, the two exchanging a look, missed by your hasty retreat, your bag being snatched from the near hook. “You’re driving because you’re annoying.” 
“I mean, it is my car, but sure, we’ll go with that.” Taehyung mumbles, the pinch of your fingers against the bend of his elbow only earning you an annoyed glare as he rounds the driver’s side. “What’s up with you?”
“Nothing, I just wanna get as far away from here as possible right now.” 
Your arms come to fold with your collapse against heated leather, the wince of your thighs only slight against your occupied thoughts. You sigh, turning to Taehyung with a look hoping to resemble apologetic. He’s not to blame, your projection only poking through now that Jeongguk is no longer in sight. 
“I’m just coming to terms. I shouldn’t take it out on you, I’m sorry.” You mutter, hands fiddling against buckled material. Taehyung shrugs, starting the car with an immediate dial of the radio. 
“Nothing like windows down and a blaring sound system to get you out of your funk.” 
True to word, a ride carefree and offkey momentarily pulled you from a soured mood. Upon studio entrance, the sight of Kyung-Soon worked wonders to pull that cloud right back over you. You chalk it to the sickly sweet grin she dawns when you and Taehyung are spotted stepping in. Her forward sashay enough to pull your lips into a rehearsed flat. 
“Morning!” Her tone is chipper, the falsehood seeping through pored cracked, her makeup only slightly less caked than usual. 
“Morning,” You respond, Tae only offering a nod before leaving you to fend for yourself, camera already poised before him. “Something I can help you with, Kyung?”
“Actually I was wondering where Jeongguk is. He’s usually here a little earlier than you, but I haven’t seen him.” 
Her hints don’t go unnoticed, the flutter of false lashes brushing heavily blushed cheeks, the pull of a plump lip between a blinded smile. She naturally averts her eyes in seduction, her nature to toy having little effect with the information you hold in your pocket. She’s somehow caught on to your attraction to your best friend, her attempts at flaunting what she finds a relation of flirtation with him much more brazen as of late. But you know that he harbors no feelings for either one of you and can only muster a sigh at her display.
“Jeongguk won’t be coming today, it’s just Tae and I.” 
“Oh...okay then.” She doesn’t appear bothered, but she eyes you a moment longer than is necessary before her next words. “Why isn’t he coming and why does it seem to bother you so much?”
“Excuse me?” You scoff, feet carrying to your work station, glad to dump your weighty bag. Unsurprisingly Kyung-Soon is hot on your trail, the strong scent of her perfume informing your nostrils of her continued presence. 
“Oh please, we both know you're in love with him.” 
“I don’t think we know anything. I don’t really know you well enough for you to even make those assumptions.” You feign ignorance, passing her a script, mumbling about an altered scene. “We’re gonna start in fifteen.” 
“Oh please, it doesn’t take a genius. The two of you look at each other like you’re in your own romcom.” You halt momentarily at the familiar words, hurt more than surprised at the continued reminder that looks are deceiving. It’s the grip of your wrist in your attempt to abandon the current verbal spar that brings your widened pupils to rest on the determined irises of Kyung. 
“We’ve been going at it all summer, Y/n, if you think I’m gonna let this go so easily you aren’t as smart as I thought you were. Maybe you’re good with words on a page, but you’re clearly terrible with your own love life.”  Kyung quips, smiling a clear challenge. You want to argue, but somehow you hold your tongue. “Why don’t you just tell him how you feel? He feels the same, trust me.” 
“He doesn’t and, if you must know, the reason he isn’t here is because he’s getting ready to confess to the person that he does have feelings for.” 
“So what are you doing here then?” She counters smugly. Your mind can’t fathom the sudden interest, but your nerves are set aflame by her blatant insistence. 
“Well I’m here to film, so if you would excuse me.” Once again your sidestep is interrupted, Kyung-Soon ripe with  exuberance at her current endeavor. You scope, hoping to catch sight of Taehyung glancing in your direction. He appears wholly invested in polishing a routinely absent blemish from his lens. “What do you want from me!?”
“I want you to go home and get your man.” 
“Ma’am, I don’t think you’re hearing me. He doesn’t like me, but you know, if Kim Jieun happens to be on campus you should totally go and find her and let her know that Jeongguk is waiting.” You huff, this time successfully moving around Kyung, her mouth parted in confusion. 
“Kim Jieun?” 
“Yes! Why does everyone respond like that?” You throw your hands, ignorant of the figure within inches of your flailing limb. The annoyance coursing through blinds you to the concerned stares as you pass dented and wrinkled scripts to various actors and stagehands without pretense. 
“Uh...probably because Jieun is not interested in Jeongguk...or anyone resembling him and his...parts.”
“Iーwhat?”
“I’m saying she’sー”
“I know what you’re saying, but that doesn’t make sense. Does Jeongguk not know? If he doesn’t know then I have to tell him before he completely embarrasses himself!”
“Wow, you really do love him,” Kyung-Soon muses. “I mean, I knew, but the fact that your first thought is making sure he doesn’t look like an idiot instead of realizing you have a shot just confirms it. Though I’m pretty sure he knows because he was having coffee with her and her girlfriend the other day.”
“Her and her…” 
“Girlfriend. Which is me by the way, I’m her girlfriend.” As if your mind wasn’t already spinning out, her words have you reeling. You find it hard to accept that you’re still firm on your feet, the whole whirled tilted from focus. 
“No, you’ve been flirting with Jeongguk all summer. There’s no way you have a girlfriend, and Jieun no less.” Your shoulders pull to a shrug, choosing to believe your version of the muddled truth. It serves the least detrimental to your mental stability. 
“Sometimes I think you forget I’m an actress,” She scoffs, phone pulled from tight confines, the screen brandished before you. True to words, her screen shares a photo of her and Jieun, very much in love. “I was only flirting with Jeongguk to prove the same point I’m trying to prove to you. He didn’t believe that you reciprocated his feelings.” 
“So then, why would he say he likes Jieun?”
“Clearly he wants his ass kicked,” She mumbles. “He was nervous about confronting you, so we helped him come up with this weird plan. I really have no idea, he’s kind of an idiot sometimes.”
On a day of many firsts, the two of you share a laugh, the duration short, but you never imagined a civil conversation with the previously standoffish performer let alone something like this. 
“You said we…” You trail in question. 
“Me, Jieun, andー”
“Me,” Taehyung, for the second time this morning, catches you off guard. His deep voice rumbling over stiff shoulders. “So I think we’ve proven that we can handle ourselves here, why don’t you head home. I think Jeongguk is waiting.” 
~*~
Your heart seems to rapidly beat against your chest for hours before heavy feet carry to the entrance of your home. You pay little attention to the silence of the space, rushing to Jeongguk’s bedroom, half expecting the round of his head to pop from the focus of his computer screen in question. Though Kyung-Soon had masterfully convinced you and Taehyung supported her with his whole heart, you can’t kick the feeling of uncertainty tugging at your abused heart. 
It comes full force when you step through Jeongguk’s open doorway to be met with nothing. It looks as if he hasn’t set foot past the wide threshold since the morning. His bed is made proper, his desk spick and span. 
You deflate, heat rushing with the onslaught of heavy mortification at the thought that you’d so easily fallen victim to Kyung-Soon. It’s when you recall Taehyung’s ready approval of her actions that sends a tear down heavy cheeks.
You lug over, pulling Jeongguk’s puffed desk chair, and collapse. You take in years worth of collected posters, a hefty sum attributed to tear jerkers and ones that got away. You imagine the relief of ripping them from carefully curated positioning, but decide to ignore angered musings. For the first time since sitting you glance at the top of the desk. 
Jeongguk is nothing if not organized, nothing present without ready reason. He has various pens for pouring over scripts and flash drives for various odds and ends. It’s one of these wayward thumbs that draws your attention from everything else. 
There against the otherwise blackened expanse reads Y/n.
It’s separate from the rest, like it’s taunting you, he wanted you to find it. Slowly metal and plastic slip between trembling fingers to be positioned to play. You hesitantly light the monitor, still not recovered from your previous upset. Though you know better, you can’t fight the nag the Jeongguk was in on this a well. The pull of the file is your final chance to look away, save yourself from impending turmoil, but you press play before you give reason not to. 
It takes but a moment for an unsteady exhale to brush the skin of parted lips. The film before you is a collage of clips and photos of, not only this summer, but years past. It’s you and Jeongguk, your interwoven journey of coming into your own, coming into yourselves, together. 
You’re unable to fight falling tears, hands still trembling against clothed thighs. The color and melody floating through softly set your heart aflutter, throwing away any preconceived notions of love unrequited. You giggle tearfully at Jeongguk’s insertions of your own contribution to the project, your off kilter shell and his sandy candid. Just when the video seems to be coming to a close, a clip of you both your laughter oozing with contagion, one more clip catches your attention.
The setting is unrecognizable, unfocused lighting painting a darkened background. You’re quick to realize that the lighting is the least of your concern, the hushed voice the only thing grabbing your whole attention. 
“Y/n? Ah, you’re asleep, good. I’m not surprised, the last time you made it through this whole movie was the first time we saw it.” Jeongguk chuckles, the shake of his voice evident despite his smooth delivery. You subconsciously lean in, eager to hear what was so important that you had to be asleep. 
“You’re probably a little mad at me right now, you probably think I’m a jerk for taking something nice you did for me and using it for my own gain, but I hope that when you actually see this clip you understand.”
You realize this was filmed most recently, his words this morning clicking: “...your little surprise yesterday turned out to be exactly what I needed.”
“I asked you to help me make a film for a girl that I like...well love and you said yes. I can’t understand why anyone would put themselves through that, but I especially don’t understand why you would do this believing that I love someone that’s not you. It dawned on me that you’re willing to do anything to make me happy and when I knew that I knew that I made the right decision.” 
You’re choked, shoulders bouncing with each hiccuped inhale. You can’t see him, but you imagine the bite of his lip between bunny teeth, the rub of his hand against your skin. 
“I mean, it wasn’t much of a decision, I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. I’ve just been so scared you didn’t feel the same, and everything with Jimin...I decided that I never wanna be away from you again. I wanna be with you, I want you to be the girl I realize my dreams with, just like always.”
“I love you, Y/n Y/l/n, and if you feel even a fraction of the way that I feel about you I would really appreciate it if you could slide into that very distracting bathing suit of yours and meet me at the beach. I know! I know that you’re probably cursing me for choosing your least favorite place, but I hope that me leaving you my jeep, which I know you love, will persuade you.” 
The dark of the screen doesn’t immediately move you, eyes boring into your tear-filled reflection. You feel dreamlike, everything you’ve been pushing away fighting to take over the darkened confines of your heart. The fresh dust blown from slowed cogs everything sinks in. 
Jeongguk love you.
“Jeongguk loves me.” You repeat the words, a mantra that attempts to pull you to stiffened legs. “Jeongguk loves me!”
You trip over objects unknown, every edge and crevice suddenly obstacles in your quest to love. You barely recall the strip of your clothes, bathing suit sticking to your cooled skin suddenly the best feeling. A mind in overdrive makes the quest for keys anxiously taxing, memory doing little to serve, though the hook near the front door lends a fruitful last resort. 
Much like this morning, the radio is set to blare, the looks you receive from your doorless vehicle bothering you little. You sit in a bubble, love struck and above the clouds, you care not that you’re going to the beach or that the fabric of your suit is already collecting sweat. 
Jeongguk loves you and you love Jeongguk, nothing else could possibly matter. 
You realize only once you're pressed to heated sand, much like your first venture toward lengthy realization, that Jeongguk couldn’t have been less specific. The beach is filled to the brim with sandy towels and over aching umbrellas. Children run and scream with careless grins and adults lounge, ready for the kiss of the blaring sun. 
You falter only slightly once, in your third sweep you spot Kim Jieun. She doesn’t see you until you’re uncertainly stumbling forward. You’re shocked by a toothy grin, the most reaction you’ve ever received from your past classmate. As of this point you were beginning to question her existence despite your knowledge of her. She had become a mythical shadow that continuously loomed.
“Finally! Hey, Y/n, he’s down there waiting,” Her finger lifts to a row of rented lounge-wear. “That cabana far off. Have fun...maybe not too much, this is a public beach.” 
You miss the chance to question her meaning, her feet already carrying her in the opposite direction. Shaking the sudden hitch in your mood you push on, legs carrying you as fast as possible in your game of dodge and weave. Your quest to your love seems never ending, everything that can get in your way doing just that. You inwardly sigh at a familiar approach, smile plastered to your cheeks when you spot him too late.
“Hey, Jackson, funny meeting you here! Do you live at the beach or something…” You finish with a halfhearted chuckle, Jackson not swayed by your ridiculous small talk. 
“No, I just usually spend most of my summer here. I’m actually playing a volleyball tournament here today, maybe you can come check it out. I see you’re not with Jeongguk today,” He takes a lengthy step forward to combat your tentative stumble back. 
“Oh, I’m actuallyー”
“Waiting for me.” You sigh, relief flooding at the presence of your sudden hero. Though your next thought ponders the coincidence of full circle. “Park Jimin, nice to meet you. We actually can’t stay for your little game, Y/n has somewhere to be.” 
“I do…” You repeat, still confused by Jimin’s rescue. “I do.”
“Too bad...guess I’ll see you around.” Jackson gives the two of you a once over, the quirk of his lip around a clenched jaw not unassuming as he stalks away. 
“What are you doing here?” You round on your friend, his smile bring one of your own. “I really appreciate the rescue, but I’ve never pictured you as the lounge in the sand type.” 
“I lounge sometimes,” You squint, looking to convey your disbelief. “I may have bullied a certain cameraman to fill me in on a certain director's plans concerning a certain screenwriter.” 
“So you’re here to…” You wait, hoping that his appearance wasn’t the result of a heart working on delayed time. 
“Make sure you get to Jeongguk without a hitch. Now I think you should get going before he punches me in the face, or at least let me get a head start because I feel like he still might either way.” He points toward your destination, Jeongguk stands just outside of the cabana, his expression unreadable. 
“Thank you,” You rush, nearly jogging in the direction of Jeongguk. It’s when you’re just feet away that you slow to a steady stroll. He’s without a shirt, his exposed chest, tanned and toned, itching to be explored. “Hey.” 
“Hi…” He finally speaks once you stop just inches away. He looks over your shoulder then back to bring doe eyes to hold your own. “Was that Jimin?”
“Yeah, believe it or not he was here to help you.”
“How?”
“He saved me from a certain muscle headed volleyball player.” 
“Oh.” 
“So…” Any confidence that you held previously dissipates with Jeongguk standing there, his eyes drinking you like ice water. It’s almost like he’s never seen you, like he itches to commit every aspect to memory. The heat of the sun’s rays are combated by the head of your attraction to the man before you, his attention almost too much to bear.
“Come inside,” He clears his throat, pushing back the edge of the sizable tent. “I was a little worried you weren’t coming.” 
“Well, it took a lot of convincing for me to believe a word coming out of Kyung-Soon’s mouth. Then a lot of cleanup after you made me cry.”
Jeongguk starts, seeming to take in the still visible puff of your eyes from tears shed. He presses a warm hand against the soft of your cheek, thumb caressing the skin with care. It’s natural, your lean into his touch, there’s nothing unusual about the affection, but it’s only now that you realize it means more. It always has.
“You’re not gonna like, tell me this is a joke, right? I don’t think I could take the heartbreak.” You force a laugh, though the thought lives nowhere near humor. 
Rather than a response heavy in verbiage, you’re met with the press of lips. Your reaction borders immediate, body refusing a moment of hesitation. Your hands fall to Jeongguk’s chest, his own hands placed on either side of your face, caressing. You taste the remnants of strawberry, the skin of his lips smooth from application and you don’t resist the urge to pull his bottom lip between teasing teeth. Jeongguk moans at the added pressure, his soft grip loosening until he urges you away.
“Wait…” He speaks through heavy breathing, hands tracing the skin of your arms, down to your waist. “This is real, right? You…”
“I love you, Jeongguk. I’m in love with you,” You laugh, the words sounding foreign when spoken into existence. 
“Good...I love you too,” He says the words as if they’re a transaction you’ve completed. The nervous uncertainty residing in the both of you surely laughable to any outsider. “I mean it, I hope that you know there’s no one else, there never has been. It’s always been you.” 
“Really?”
“Of course,” He pulls you forward, his legs falling to the cushions of the cabana to which you’d paid no mind save for this moment. It’s cozy and comfortable, the lack of sand preferable. You only take a moment before your eyes fall back to Jeongguk, the twinkle of his own like holding stars in open palms. “Honestly I was terrified when you told me that you know Jieun. I thought I’d been caught before I even had a chance to start.” 
“Yeah, I had no idea that she and Kyung were together.” You murmur, Jeongguk pulling you to straddle the strength of his legs. “It’s actually more unexpected than you liking her, but I have to say they’re pretty cute. Also, I’m gonna need to know how all of you guys ended up planning this together anyways.” 
“Mmhm, but I don’t really wanna talk about them right now.” He plants a kiss against your exposed neck, teeth lightly digging into the flesh.
 “Hey…”
“Yeah?” You manage a glance upward, Jeongguk’s hand brushing against your bottom lip.
“Wanna go swimming?” You’re pulled out of him then, lightly shoving him back.
“What?”
“Do you wanna go swimming, it’s pretty hot out” Jeongguk shrugs, a hand brushing his sweat soaked hair with absolute emphasis. You take a moment to appreciate the fill of his dimples and the wait his hair frames his slightly puffed cheeks before your hand slaps his chest. “Ow!”
“No, I do not want to go swimming. Jeongguk, despite your covert romancing I still do not like being in the ocean where something could definitely eat me!” 
“Fine, fine, but one more thing.” You eye him, arms folded in against your chest already growing sticky from the heat.
“Dare I ask?” The way his teeth peek from beneath the upward curve of his lip is answer enough, but it doesn’t stop the wet of his tongue against the skin of his lip before his tongue prods forth to speak.
“I’m just in the mood for something...” His hand rests at the point of his chin, brows animated beneath his fringe.
“Yeah...?” As if at his beckoned call, the words trigger a chain and a young man dressed in the finest a beach job has to offer waltzes through with a tray adorning two drinks of similarity, the name dancing just at the tip of your tongue before Jeongguk beats you to it.”
“Doorless jeep and sex on the beach, baby.” 
“Okay, is it too late to change my mind?” You groan, Jeongguk accepting the drinks and pulling you into his side so his cheek meets yours. 
“Yup, you’re all mine.”
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emeraldeon · 3 years
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Coney Island by Taylor Swift really needs more recognition as a c!Fundy and c!Wilbur song. Because. Guys.
The question pounds my head "What's a lifetime of achievement?" If I pushed you to the edge But you were too polite to leave me And do you miss the rogue Who coaxed you into paradise and left you there? Will you forgive my soul When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?
Dont tell me this doesn't feel like it's about Fundy joining l'manberg and then being left by Wilbur and Wilbur knowing Fundy will move on and regretting it.
Were you waiting at our old spot In the tree line by the gold clock Did I leave you hanging every single day? Were you standing in the hallway With a big cake, happy birthday Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest gray?
This has been in my head for months it fits so well with how Wilbur fucked up with Fundy. Especially if you believe Fundy to be younger during the L'Manberg war. And then, this one line in particular:
But when I walked up to the podium I think that I forgot to say your name
This is an ACTUAL SCENE and it's what just absolutely cements the whole song for me lol. I can't find a specific clip but it's there in Fundy's November 16th vlog when Wilbur makes Tubbo president its clear on Fundy's stream that Fundy expected Wilbur to make him president so this line. Just hits so hard when you think of the song as Wilbur reflecting on his relationship with Fundy.
tl:dr I really like this song for c!Fundy and c!Wilbur okay it fits really well with how their relationship fell apart and it's the only thing I can think about when I hear the song please please can we talk about it
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