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#misha has been treated like shit for YEARS and I can’t stand it :(
hintsofhoney · 3 years
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alright, *cracks fingers*. so. I’ve written up a transcript just to lay it all out for myself and get the most important parts. listen, everyone. for all intents and purposes and legal reasons, THIS WAS A DREAM. alright? I dreamt this. and he is literally the nicest human being ever so I don’t want to just like... put our whole convo out there like that, but I think he said some stuff that was important for people to hear so... here we go
my *dreamt* zoom call with thee crowley below the cut
The first five minutes (of my dream) was just a bunch of introduction stuff and talking about my favorite Supernatural seasons which eventually led to him telling me how they filmed the Season 8 finale (which they did over the span of three days, and in between takes the crew members were like dead silent, as to keep the moment going, which Mark thought was really cool. Said it was one of his favorite things they did on Supernatural.) Anyways, he eventually asked me if I had any questions, so, I’ll start there.
MARK: So, do you have any questions you want to ask me about aaaaaannyyyythingggg? 
ME: Um, I guess the number one thing I wanna know… um, so, I know you can’t speak for Dean and I don’t want to talk about Dean because you’re not Jensen, but, there’s like a lot of questions I guess or subtext or whatever concerning Dean’s sexuality and what not, but I want to know about demon Dean and Crowley’s relationship and if there was, I don’t know, anything like, any implied –
MARK: Well I think – I think you’re talking about… there’s a massive difference between sex and love. There’s a massive difference between, um, well, they can intertwine perfectly, that’s not the issue, but I mean you would believe with all the things that Crowley did for the Winchesters, that he was – that he very much loved Sam and Dean or loved who they are or what they are. To reduce it to, you know, a crush, or to something that – I mean, I don’t know, I think Crowley is very probably pansexual more than anything else; I don’t think anything phased him. I think, that’s why the whole stuff with Lucifer and licking the floor was kind of really stupidly boring for me because Crowley did weirder and crazier things on his own. I mean, it became this joke of trying to humiliate somebody who can’t be humiliated. There’s nothing you can humiliate Crowley with. So, that never sort of made sense, that was just a sort of writer’s glitch of thinking, “oooh, this would be funny to knock him down into subservience” and that’s what he does on a Wednesday, I mean it’s like the most un-inspiring thing. I think so much is projected onto the relationship between, certainly the four main characters, um, and, you know, look, getting comfortable with one’s sexuality and one’s identity is a massively complicated things, and if you want to live vicariously through what you believe people’s identity is and you can relate to that, great!  Who cares? I mean, can I be absolutely honest? Apart from – what I do care about, you know, don’t ever take this and piece me or misquote it, because it’s very, very specific – um, somebody stopping somebody being able to express their own identity or whatever is an issue for me. That will always be an issue for me. Um, we should all be treated equally, and we all have the rights to believe and follow those things that we wish to follow, but to project relationships onto characters is an odd thing to do. I mean, it’s wishful thinking in a lot of ways, I mean, actually it’s quite… it’s quite reasonable because in the past if you think about it, if you ask your parents or anyone else, the only way sexuality was used was to, uh, literally demonize somebody. It was only ever used to say somebody was bad because this who they’re in love with. You know, that’s, that’s the thing. And it’s a massive change in the world that we’re moving towards, I should say, uh – a lack of consequence for who one loves, apart from the obvious consequences of human nature. You know, political consequences for who one loves – I’ve just watched Pete Butteigieg being, you know, sitting in congress with his husband there with him; that’s the first time that’s ever happened in United States congress and I’m so proud of that. Not just because the man is gay and happily married – that’s not even the issue for me, it’s because he’s the best man for the job and one of the smartest people on the planet. You know, it’s like using sexual templates, as they were, or gender templates as they are, or orientation templates as they are, we always use to disclude people from things. They were always used to discriminate. You know, labeling somebody was a way of discrimination. And where as labels are very important, to ones self, and they’re very important politically and they’re very important socio-economically and they’re very important in all those aspects, I yearn for a time when nobody gives a damn. I really do. But I mean, we have to go through so much to get there. I mean, let’s be honest, you can’t, you know, right the wrongs of hundreds of years of oppression in 20 minutes by saying, “let’s all move forward”. It just doesn’t work that way, it never has. But there’s a responsibility there, that if you’re going to represent, that you represent all. That you don’t just represent you. So, one has to be careful with a television program or, or, you know, Misha or myself, or, not speaking for the boys, but just generally, um, you have to be careful that what you advocate is inclusive, not disinclusive. Not excluding people... and it’s so hard to frame these conversations, that they’re equitable, it’s so hard to do that. And so, you know, we spend years pointing out the inequity and the injustice and the unfairness of the whole situation, and… I don’t know if the trick is to rise above, or, uh, maybe it’s as simple as love and coming together as a human race and make it very difficult for people to discriminate and exclude based on gender, race, color, religion, any of the subsets of humanity that we’ve decided we have. So, I think personal responsibility is the most important thing, but if one is in a position of power on a TV show, you got to remember what you’re representing, that you have a, you know, you have to cover all or cover none. So, you know, but if you stick to a story and you have a story about a person or two people and their journey, that’s shining light on things. If you try to advocate for all, I think it becomes a little more complicated. Does that make sense?
so, i just feel like he said some important things there, but like I also don’t really understand what he’s getting at really, y’know? oh! also, he didn’t watch the finale lmao 
also! there’s this:
MARK: Because if you come down on one side or another, you’re admitting the sides, and that has its own political ramifications. If you push the ball up in the air and say, “you decide”, I don’t think that’s copping out. I think that’s, maybe not fulfilling everybody’s expectations, or not fulfilling everybody’s hopes, but at least you’re getting the question asked. You know, at least you’re getting the question asked. At least people are relating to it and going, “well, what if?”. Because it’s all “what if”, I mean, it’s a TV show, so it’s “what if”, you know? It’s not Misha being in love with Jensen, I mean as much as he loves Jensen, I don’t think that’s his thing – I mean you never know – but I’m saying yet again, I don’t exclude anything from anybody (I LITERALLY CAN’T BELIEVE HE SAID THIS LMAO). But to force my opinion or my identity belief upon a situation has a cost. It may be right, it may be absolutely right, and it may be necessary in many, many cases. But, in that circumstance, I think… there are a lot of people in the world that say that Jesus, for example, was anti-homosexual and that he was – and none of that is true, and none of that is provable in the New Testament, and I’m not talking about Leviticus and I’m not talking about early Bible and I’m not talking about the fact that more than 25,000 words have been changed in the King James edition and all of this stuff, but these things that people hold so sacred, the confusion that arises from that is being told that a man loving a man or a woman loving a woman or a man loving a man and a woman or whatever combination being there is either right or wrong because you’re being told by a pastor or the leaders of your church, is a very difficult thing to break down. I think what you have to do is at least put it out there so it’s visible, and so it becomes less and less deniable. And you know, people change over years, that’s the trouble with youth, is shit doesn’t move fast enough. “I need a decision now!”, and unfortunately, when you’re dealing with centuries of prejudice and centuries of un-enlightenment, I think that sometimes the best thing to do is reach as many people as possible and pose the question. And sometimes it’s essential to make a statement, absolutely, no question. It is essential to make a stand, in some circumstances. But to polarize a TV show, can be very disingenuous to those who need to go ask their own questions, who need to go say, “well, where does Jesus say this is wrong?” you know, if that’s your beliefs.
he also said, when we went off on a tangent about doom patrol:
MARK: There are issues that are being addressed here [on Doom Patrol] that are not being addressed on other shows, and yet again, we have the format, and I don’t know that Supernatural ever had the format because it was on the CW.
anywho, in conclusion, fuck the cw.
also, again, for all intents and purposes this was a dream I had :)))))))
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cooloddball · 3 years
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This is going to be a super long analysis of jib3 starting with the opening ceremony to the closing ceremony so brace yourselves. 
Please note I believe in the breakup theory so maybe my opinion in this one might be biased so please don’t come for me, lol.
I will put it under the cut to avoid overcrowding your dashes with cockles shenanigans. 
Also, watch out for profanities and mature language.
And so it begins...
Opening ceremony
The camera used to record the opening ceremony is shaky. 
Misha, Jason Manns, and Jarpad seem to be having a lot of fun together and Jensen is just looking at his besties talking to the man he loves and he knows he can’t have that so he just stands there looking at them. Poor guy.
Jarpad asks who took Misha’s riffle? Things are awkward, I honestly don’t know what’s going on.
Misha kisses a plushie while making eye contact with Jensen and Jensen is like “oh, oh, wow” while making eye contact with Misha. LOL. Jack help me. This is a lot!!!
Jensen takes a plushie from Sebastian and Jared takes the one Misha had.
Are you guys flirting about trying to see whether you can keep plushies alive?
Misha throws something at the fans, I think he was throwing treats from earlier or whatever it was and Jensen says “Misha is still throwing” I mean why?
Cockles Panel
Jensen is so extra in this panel.
First of all, when he and Misha come out (no pun intended) a song starts playing and he starts dancing. Jensen is usually so poised while dancing but he is over the top throwing his back and shaking his tush for the mish.  I think he was trying a little too hard. Misha spares his ex-boyfriend’s tush a glance smiles and looks away. LOL. The whole thing was cringey, tbh. It was so unlike Jensen.
When Sebastian touches Jensen’s shoulder and says something to Jensen, he [Jensen]  laughs way too hard. I would say he laughs abnormally-it’s loud and he throws his whole body into it like he’s trying to prove what Sebastian was funny and it probably wasn’t. He laughs so hard he ends up right on Misha’s side. and Misha laughs at that though.
Rich says something about something in the sac that hurts(It’s incoherent) and Jensen says it hurts right here pointing at his heart (I can’t hear what they are saying exactly so if anyone knows please let me know)
I don’t know if Mark P. was going to hug Jensen or not or he was pointing at something behind Jensen, but at that moment, Jensen sees Sebastian going to hug Misha and whips his head away from Mark P’s direction so fast he almost broke his neck.
Sebastian humps Misha (these two are so playful I love them) and Jensen is just there acting awkward 
There’s a comment by Rich about “It’s over, the convention’s over I’m no longer your bitch” I don’t know who this is about.
Now, now, now. This whole time Rich is doing a kissy mouth with his fingers on the monitor behind Jensen and Misha. His hand is right where Misha is standing (you’ll understand once you watch it) so Jensen makes a kissy face back and Misha is blushing? Ummm wtf is going on here?
Jensen also does something strange that he never does during cockles panels he pulls his seat away from Misha.
Misha makes a very weird comment about Sebastian’s libido drying up and they have a weird conversation about libido and Viagra ads. It’s weird.
It gets even more awkward Jensen talks about bringing a total stranger, and a blind date. And it goes downhill from there with them. The it wasn’t you it was me speech. It was special. So heartbreaking. It was clearly not about the show but about their relationship. I always have a difficult time getting through that part. It’s so awkward that the fans are just there wondering what the hell is going on.
They decide to take questions and the fan is all over the place so Misha interjects but Jensen won’t let Misha say what he wants to say so he says, “This is why you make it awkward. You never let people finish what they are saying.” Ouch. Domestic dispute vibes anyone?
The way Jensen is looking up at Misha when he’s answering that question. It’s like he wants to sear his face into his memory before they leave Rome.
Jensen is explaining to a fan how one of the four sound stages they had on set was full of furniture and Misha adds “and soiled mattresses”  I mean what was the reason? Did they soil the mattresses with their [redacted]
A fan mentions something about Dean and Cas so these two adorable dorks smile and share a look. Things are starting to look up. Thank Jack.
The fan says something again (I can’t make out what he’s saying) but it must be something nice because they look at each other with smiles on their faces again.
Jensen playing with the head of his microphone. Is it just me or did the temperature rise a notch higher?
The way they look at each other when the fan says to help him choose the hottest female cast member on the show 
Then something freaky happens they say the exact same thing as twins or bffs do sometimes. LOL.
When they start talking about the hot women with the fans Misha moves his entire body and now instead of looking at the fans, he is seated facing Jensen.  The tension is simmering down.
A point to note is that in all their panels they always sit angled facing each other as opposed to facing the crowd save for this panel and DCCON 2019. But for DCCON I can understand that they weren’t comfortable being meant to be a J/2 panel and a creation event. So you know some people in that crowd are super mean to Mish and others to Jensen, so they had to tread carefully. But I digress back to the chaos.
They ask who wants to have a cockles panel the next year and they both raise their hands. I thought that was sweet
 It’s adorable how Jensen keeps repeating everything Misha is saying.
Misha forgets himself and moves too close to Jensen to listen to the song on the phone. Jensen turns to look at Misha, I don’t know what that look is but Misha backs away laughing.
Jensen’s face journey while listening to that song is gold.
Misha moves closer to listen to the song.  I have to say the way they are standing is not usually how two bros listening to music usually stand. If you know what I mean
 Misha agrees that’s definitely Jensen singing. Of course, he knows because Mr. “Jensen sings to me all the time”
He looks so proud of him.  I’d venture to say he’s happy to hear Jensen sing because he has always been so shy about that fact about himself. He even gives him a standing ovation. That’s so adorable. He loves him. My heart.
Jensen is so cute trying to deny it’s not him singing that song.  Yeah, it’s you, Jensen. Even your ex agrees it’s you and we bet he knows how your voice sounds in all kinds of situations ;)
we get a tingly feeling so we know it’s you. Jensen’s adorable smile when Misha says that. Aww.
The way they are not even looking at each other but they are seated the exact same way.
Allow me to explain to my friend here. Explains how his parents didn’t know whether he was a boy or a girl. Misha with the steel chair, “when did they figure out that you were a boy?”
How many years did they call you holly?
For six to seven years
Is it just me or is this conversation a flashback of teenage twink-lesbian Jensen years?
Fan asks whether Dean will ever forgive Cas. Watch Misha’s body language, he is trying to pacify himself by rubbing the back of his neck and fumbling with his shirt.
When Jensen says “ No!” without a moment’s hesitation, Misha looks distraught? I don’t know maybe I’m reading too much into this but I feel like this hit too close to home being that they were most likely broken up.
Misha however has a different opinion, “I think he has” 
Jensen says, “Wishful thinking” and that elicits a smile from Misha.
A fan asks about Dean giving Cas the trenchcoat back and things get interesting.  Weirdly, that Jensen can’t say the word gay out loud. He literally uses the word “unmanly” in its stead in the guise of censorship? It’s not a bad word Jensen you can say it. However, Misha and the fans say the word so I’m wondering who is censoring Jensen’s use of that word. He eventually says it but super fast.
Jensen says that saying “I always knew you would come back” is not something he would say to another human being, especially a man. Jesus, there’s nothing wrong with saying that to another human being you care about. He’s the one making it gay. He was extra when answering that one.
They spent one and half hours making that scene just to end up not saying anything and it ended up looking gay anyway. Anyway, that’s interesting.
 Jensen angles his body towards Mish and says in a very low soft and sexy voice “I guess I really hoped that you would come back some day” I would venture to say that Jensen at the moment in the panel was actually saying them to Misha. Who knows though?
They talk about it a whole lot for something that bothered him that much. 
Misha being so excited about recreating a scene when a fan told Jarpad he’s amazing and Jarpad said "you are welcome. 
 “I think I understand what she wants. I’m not sure what she’s gonna get.” This is a very good line Misha. I will be using it often.
The way they awkwardly stand too close and whisper to each other. Umm…what is going on here?
Jensen folds over laughing because of something Misha says. They are back. The tension is almost 90% gone now and they are in their element.
The chaos of recording the alarm ringtone for the fan was just great to watch. They kept getting closer and closer and I think they might have shared spit at that point. Gross….LOL
The way Misha is sitting is he you know.
Jensen asking Misha whether he was saying anything or just screaming while they were recording. I think he just wanted to see Misha smile.
Jensen’s joy when a fan mentions that they have Misha’s résumé.
Jensen saying the word shit made my day. I curse a  lot and it made me feel validated somehow.
Misha calls him dickhead in return and Jensen stops functioning and laughs instead . He also gets all hot and bothered trying to fumble with the lapel of his shirt.  He does this a lot when he is turned on. He has a humiliation kink I think.
They start talking over each other about Misha’s special skills. Looks like Jensen might have known beforehand because he went straight for that. Or maybe he didn’t know but he knew since Misha is a mad genius there must be some amazing things in there. Either way, it was a good moment.
OMG Jensen is so excited and the way he motions to Misha to bring that résumé to him, LOL. This man was thirsty AF.
He even goes down from the stage to meet Misha and invades his personal space trying to reach the résumé. I think this is the moment the tension between them dissipated completely and they were back to some form of normalcy.
Misha holding Jensen’s shoulder trying to get his résumé back. Unsucessfully, I should add.
They read something funny and they fold over laughing and spin around like overjoyed seals. It is far removed from the mollusk family but at least it’s still a sea creature (I don’t know what I’m saying please don’t mind me)
Jensen is still on his knees laughing and can’t get up. As I said, he is being too extra in this panel.
 Misha is trying to talk but they both can’t stop laughing. I think Jensen laughed so hard he got an extra set of abs that day.
Jensen is still laughing and you know what he is laughing at? Misha’s special skills being acting on camera. I mean it’s funny but man, prayforjensen.
 They are still laughing. Jack, help them.
The way Jensen looks at Misha with pure adoration here makes me so happy and reminds me of the fictional characters they played being all heart eyes for each other.
 Misha laughed so hard he cried.
Jensen trying to read the next ‘special skill’ Misha has but he can’t even talk because of how funny he thinks it is. He’s trying so hard not to laugh but he can’t help himself.
Jensen agreeing and also asking the audience to agree that Misha has a knack for certain accents. Accent kink anyone?
 Jensen is so excited when Misha starts Tibetan throating singing and does the unicorn laugh facing away from the crowd. Bet he has experienced Misha’s Tibetan throat singing skills on a personal when they are (loud overhead helicopter noises followed by thunder rumbling)
Jensen falling to the ground after feigning a heart attack once he saw that Misha is a certified EMT. I mentioned before that I honestly, 100% think he wanted mouth to mouth. There’s no other explanation. He could’ve feigned a nose bleed or just about any other illness but he chose to fall on a dirty floor and lay down so Misha could either give him the breath of life or straddle him. Luckily for him his dream came true 7 years later at Jib9 when straddle gate happened. But I digress
Too bad Misha was still mad at him and heartbroken so he kicked him instead.
Jensen knowing that Misha kayaks seems to be part of his personal knowledge. Maybe they did it together sometimes.
Horseback riding. Hmm is it just me or do they seem awkward here?
 Misha is so close to Jensen’s armpits. Must be missing his man’s musk and being held in those muscular arms again. Poor baby.
Misha can’t talk because of how funny he finds bicycle touring. I mean…I don’t see what’s funny but I guess he knows why it’s funny.
Misha laughing and raises his legs because Jensen is elaborating on the bicycle touring. Maybe it’s an inside joke or maybe it’s no longer funny to me because I’ve watched this panel like 5 times.
 I think Jensen’s goal was to see Misha laugh and be happy because he turned to look at Misha who was still laughing hard and the joy on Jensen’s face. Aww.
Misha gravitating towards his man again. He must smell really nice Misha. And those arms. Bet he used to lift you against the wall and (this fucking thunder won’t stop rambling. Are chuck and Amara fighting again?)
Jensen marketing his man’s carpentry skills but then makes sure to make it ‘no homo’ by saying he would never sit on anything Misha has built. Sure Jan. Then he circles back and says that he knows that he can build things.
Misha walks away from him and he looks up to make sure where he is going. Maybe he was afraid Misha was walking out on him. (PTSD from their breakup?)
They mention acting on camera again.
And laugh 
Jensen keeps talking about the acting on camera and watches to see if Misha is still laughing  He still is and Jensen is happy that his baby is happy. He looks at him again and he is still happy that Misha is still happy. Then once the laughter dies down he starts talking about bicycle touring  and checks again to see if Misha is laughing which he is so Jensen throws his head back  unicorn laughing and then looks at Misha again to see that he’s still laughing. Then they look at each other and say something maybe it’s about that was a good laugh. Jensen is wiping tears from his eyes because of how hard he laughed  Misha does the same. That entire thing was insane and they seemed to love it.
 Jensen starts saying that being this happy or goofing around is how they are on set sometimes and have to take a 5-10 minute break and Misha doesn’t seem too happy at the mention of the set. 
Jensen knowing that you can buy résumés on eBay. Did he buy Misha’s and then plant someone in the audience to bring it up or? Okay, yeah I know I’m reaching here but it’s probable.
 I guess my theory wasn’t farfetched because Jensen says that he’s pretty sure that Jarpad put it on eBay the previous night so maybe he is the one who did all that to win Misha back?
Jensen knows the appellation clogging is a stretch. Seems like Misha has told him about it before.
Jensen looking at his watch to see if they have time for  Misha to be telling a story about his high school sweetheart and now wife. I bet he wishes Misha could tell their love story so openly. He can’t stop looking at Misha.
The way Jensen is looking at Misha here. WTF man? He’s literally confused about what the question is.
The personal space question. This whole thing was just so many things. It was awkward, cringey, thirsty, funny.
when the fan asks whether there’s a funny fact between Jensen and Misha. I almost fainted. What? And Jensen repeats it. The two men are so stoic. They are not even looking at each other. They are looking at the fan like the way a statue stares at you, unmoving. Cringe.
The room is so quiet. Poor girl, I hope she didn’t feel awkward afterwards because if it were me, I would’ve cried from how stoic they looked and how quiet everyone was.
How they both scratch themselves, Misha on the head and Jensen on the nose. Maybe the question hit too close to home
Jensen turns to look at Misha as if to say ’help me out here man. We don’t wanna disappoint our fans.”
Misha gets it because he gets up. This whole thing is gold.
The way Jensen breathes out in anticipation. I know it was like they were playing a skit about personal space but why was he breathing like that? Shouldn’t he have been playing it as ‘uncomfortable’ not ‘turned on.’ Boudoir mannerisms.
Moving on Misha is unsure on where to touch Jensen 40.31. This is weird in and of itself because usually, they don’t have a problem touching each other’s faces, tush, eggplants, (jib4 anyone), backs et cetera. But now it’s weird? *cough* breakup *cough*
Misha touches Jensen’s ear and Jensen literally moans. He frigging moans people. In case it is not clear in the video, here is an isolated audio version of it. Jensen is also fumbling with his shirt like he’s all hot and bothered. Just like Misha did earlier. Was Jib3 their couple’s therapy that reminded them how happy and horny they made each other?
Jensen is really not answering the question, to be honest. He’s fumbling for words and trying so very hard to make sense but his word are  incoherent.
Misha going in for the nose dip. I know friends do this all the time but you have to be very close and familiar with someone such as a friend friend or a sibling for you to poke a finger in their nose. I mean noses are slimy and eww…anyway. That happened. They seem so comfortable with it. Jensen I love you but please stop talking.
The way Jensen looks at Misha. He has the cutest smile on his face as if saying thank you for making that fun and making me horny, I still want you.
Misha wiping his pinky that touched Jensen’s nose on his pants. (I wanted to add something disgusting about what heshould’ve done with that pinky but I won’t so let’s move on)
Jensen wiggling his nose.
When Misha suggests that Spn moves to Nickolodeon. Jensen laughs a bit too hard.
Misha talking about spn being a puppet show reminds me of how he mentioned them having a puppet show in Jensen’s backyard after the show is over.
Jensen also saying that in a way spn is a puppet show. I mean is someone making snide comments about how their strings get pulled and sometimes they are not happy about it. Like how they fired his boyfriend. It seems like it’s an inside joke.
They named the plushie Zippy aww :))
For jack’s sake guys, the way they look at each other when they mention that the  résumé was the highlight of the panel.
Jensen saying the more dirt you dig up on Misha, the more rewarded you are. Aww, someone’s trying to win his man back by any means necessary. You go girl…I mean Jensen.
He talks more about how he’s looking forward to next year when fans have more dirt on his friend Misha. Jensen didn’t want to leave the stage, he was lingering so he could spend more time with Misha.
It’s over guys.
Closing Ceremony
I know you didn’t ask for the closing ceremony but here you go. It’s a free gift.
Can I just mention how Jarpad is an overactive puppy? He has to play with anything and everything he finds.
The mc announces Misha twice for some reason. The second time Jensen looks in Misha’s direction with a small smile on his face. He [Jensen] is also chewing vigorously.
Jensen and Jarpad being typical dude bros and karate chop Rich. This is why the difference between his relationship with Jarpad and Misha stands out. He would be too busy making heart eyes to Misha to kick another guy. LoL.
Jensen hulking out when Jarpad is taking a video of everyone. Lol. This video keeps reiterating my point that his relationship with the two men is just different.
Jensen keeps looking in Misha’s direction, Misha who is busy talking to Steve and having fun. Let me also mention Steve is Jensen’s bestie and so are Jarpad and Misha, but I’m sure that Jensen felt some type of way, jealous when they were having so much fun with his man and he couldn’t. Jarpad also takes a while filming Misha for Jensen of course. They remind me of me having a crush back when I was in school. Wait, did Misha look at Jensen? It’s hard to see because the angle of the video is not expansive but I guess he was.
As soon as Jarpad gets back, Jensen takes the camera from him and starts filming fans. I’m sure he just wanted Misha to look at him
Rich mention’s Misha and something about acting on camera and Jensen licks his lips looking at Misha (I think).
Jensen then vigorously grabs the microphone from someone immediately and mention’s Misha. Jarpad’s reaction at that moment tells you everything you need to know about what’s going on between Jensen and Misha. It looks like he is pleading with Jensen in his head saying, “Don’t embarrass yourself bro. Please don’t” but it’s too late.
Jensen again talks about Misha’s résumé and specifically about acting on camera, the thing that made Misha laugh out loud during their panel. Someone’s smitten. Defending his ex-man.
Jarpad goes to whisper something to Misha. And they laugh while Jensen is thanking the jib staff for doing an amazing job. But when he sees the duo laughing, he loses track of thought and says “and they are all getting married”  dude what ??? How do you go from thanking people who worked on the convention and in .1 seconds you are talking about they are all getting married? Who is? Are you okay? Do you need to sit down? No one gets it, he says he’s kidding and gives Jarpad the microphone, spares a glance at Misha and he seems distraught from that moment on. I wish I could see Misha’s face through all this.
He’s glancing in Misha’s direction again. Man’s got it bad. What?! Oh to be loved by Jensen Ackles. Misha must be a prize, I know he is a mad genius and gorgeous and sexy as hell with that golden skin that looks like it was dipped in gold and honey, big blue eyes that are bluer than the bluest blue, but Jensen wtf man? You are in public.
 I think Jarpad is telling Jensen something maybe it has to do with what he and Misha were talking about earlier?
And it’s over people.
Overall, I agree with the breakup theory. I mean the way these two were acting around each other was very strange. If you watch Misha and Jarpad, they seem okay from the opening ceremony up till the end but Jensen and Misha are just being weird.
The panel was mostly fun but their body language told a story that something was definitely going on between them. 
@littlewolf2703
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In regards to this weekends hot topic of Cas & Deans relationship status, I don't know why Jensen can just answer everyone, i mean everyone with the following: Why can't Angel-Cas and Dean be romantically linked? Weren't Underworld-Demon-Ruby and Sam physically intimate? That's it. Does anything else need to be debated here?
Hi nonnie, I’m having some trouble parsing your question here. My apologies. I assume you mean you don’t know why Jens can’t just answer everyone (?). I’m gonna treat that as part 1, despite the fact that I think I have, in fact, provided my opinion on that already. And then I think you’re saying that you don’t know why he can’t just compare his relationship with Cas to Sam’s relationship with Ruby(?) – honey there’s a hell of a lot to unpack there if that’s your meaning.
Part 1: This is the easy part due to the fact that I think I’ve pretty much answered that question already, and the fact that different opinions on this have been surfacing all over some of the bigger and more well loved blogs on the hellsite in the past 48 hours – a bunch of them are worth visiting – you can take your pick (no one will tell you what opinion to believe/stand next to etc. that’s entirely your choice – mainly because we have no ACTUAL answer).
Here’s my opinion again: Due to the fact that Dean’s character never provided a verbal/textual reaction to the love confession, it is not within Jensen’s legal rights to speak to How Dean Would Have Reacted (given the opportunity), or to Speak For Dean’s Character (outside of the written textual content). It is not his IP (Intellectual Property), he did not write Dean, he does not Own Dean. He Played Dean - and while he has that character in his back pocket, he does NOT own the rights to telling the public how that character would react in any given situation that has not been made Canon. We know that Jensen is working on taking ownership of some of the IP of Supernatural (I don’t know the extent of that so please don’t ask). But there is the possibility that in the coming years (should that show actually get the green light) we might see the ability for him to take Canon into his own hands. Do not expect anything other than a vague answer from him on Cas/Dean ever. It’s a LEGAL matter that he is bound by, and you do not mess around with that shit, especially if you plan on working with that network again in the future! (here, this is my post from yesterday that also discusses this… x)
To be honest, I’m not entirely sure where to even start unpacking the second part of that question…So here you use two different descriptors for the question, which can have two very different meanings – Romantically and Intimate – and that is a distinction you really need to look at here. Jensen did say that the love that he and Cas had, was something more, something bigger. I find that extremely romantic – and I find the concept of a love that transcends human emotion to be a thing of dreams…It’s a beautiful concept. If I could be in a relationship where we thought that our love transcended human emotion, was bigger, or ‘more than’ the base level of connection between two people, what on EARTH is wrong with that? And here I implore you to understand: That sentence in NO WAY means that they aren’t fucking like animals in the back seat of the impala every chance they get – it doesn’t ruin the head canon that the love between Dean and Cas is also Physical, but it is stating that that isn’t necessarily the ONLY way of looking at that relationship, and I can respect that fully (and either way it is not canon….again – and is open for interpretation, as we’ve said). Intimacy, ALSO, points to a closeness, but more like a “deep knowledge and understanding” of a person that is again ‘more than’. Intimacy does often imply physical connection (but it doesn’t require it AT ALL). **We see intimacy displayed between Jensen and Misha on stage ALL THE TIME. We do NOT necessarily see Romance displayed…watch their physical interactions on stage - those are intimate, they are not, however, romantic. look at the non-physical looks they give each other - those are intimate, not romantic by definition. (i wanted to throw the damn hug in here as a .gif, but tumblr is pissing me off).
Also - This is LONG - I need to get back to work, this has gotten out of hand in my head, if someone else wants to write an essay on the differences between romance and intimacy I ask that you please do so – as long as it is inclusive…you know what, fuck it, maybe I’ll write this essay later, when I’m not being paid to actually do my job – that I’m once again, ignoring right now. Jensen’s answer to this question, by the way, was inclusive…which is something else to think about when he’s being drawn and quartered for it.
VV here’s something to get started…
Defn Romance: “a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.”
Defn Intimacy: “close familiarity or friendship; closeness.” OR Euphemistic: “an intimate act, especially sexual intercourse.”
Defn Love: “an intense feeling of deep affection” OR “a feeling of deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone”
Ok…the last part there – which I think I’m just going to drop on the floor and walk out on – are you implying, that we should compare – (and I’m begging you to correct me if I’m wrong here) – but are you implying that a wildly complicated 12 year long relationship (in whatever capacity), should in some way (any way) really, be compared to a wet noodle’s short lived torrid affair that could maybe be classified in the “demon-with-benefits” tag? I think if that’s the comparison you’re attempting to make here I would say, YES, YES there is a LOT that needs to be debated there. Like a LOT A LOT. Starting, maybe with – what on god’s green earth makes you want to compare Dean/Cas with Sam/Ruby?! Fuck. Honestly, I’m floored here. Before I go entirely off the wall with this one though, I’m going to need more, because I- ….please get back in my inbox and clarify this for me…
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kickingitwithkirk · 4 years
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Deuxième Omega
Summary: Jensen is not dealing well with his unexpected divorce and before the ink is even dry, he is pushed into another union with a complete stranger.
Pairing: Alpha!Jensen Ackles x Omega!OFC
Word Count: 3363
Warnings: A/B/O, angst, angry Jensen, cursing, alcohol abuse, parental manipulation, arranged marriage, Alpha dominance over Omega, unintended injuries.
A/N: So, get this; a lot of my original writing ideas from my weird as hell dreams about Sam Winchester but for some reason Jensen is starring in this one. I’m gonna blame the bad PMS I’m having for all the angst in this.
A/N II: There is no intentional hate or malevolence intended towards any of the Ackles family. This is a purely fictional piece containing real and created persons/names/events set in the fictional A/B/O verse.
*Supernatural doesn’t end in season 15 and some dates/events have been altered to fit the story.
*no beta, all mistakes are mine *photos found online
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Jensen was sitting slouched on the leather couch staring at the paperwork that had been dropped off by courier this morning, official notification of the dissolution of his marriage to Danneel when Jared entered his trailer. “It’s not gonna say anything different no matter how many times you look at it.”
“I know,” Jensen sighed heavily, “never thought I’d be in this position.”  He tossed the papers on the table and picked up his beer draining it in one go.
“You better not drink anymore, we’ve still got two more scenes to get through before we can leave tonight.”
Jensen rolled his head towards Jared leaning across the kitchenettes bar counter with a very concerned expression.
Jensen had always been a social drinker, he did love his beer, the slight softness over his toned stomach was the biggest indicator. But there had been constant uptick in his drinking during the mandatory two year waiting period for an Alpha/Beta divorce. So far, it hadn’t seriously interfered with work but there had been several instances of his obvious imbidding that Jared,  Alex, even Misha ended up pumping him full of coffee to get him through.
“Then let’s get them done so I can get really fucked up before that shit show happens tomorrow.”
“Jack, give this new marriage a chance. Your dad said she’s a good match right? You never know, maybe it’ll work out like Gen and me.” Jared’s marriage had been a private match and he was happy with the Omega that his family had chosen.
Jensen snorted, getting up and walking out of his trailer, “Yeah, you lucked out with her, not always the case. Look at me, I’m getting a second hand Omega.”
*** To say the atmosphere in the private arrivals area was strained was an understatement. The Ackles were seating several feet apart awaiting their son.
“Mommy…daddy, how’s it..go..going?” They both turned in unison to see their very drunk middle child staggering towards them followed closely by Jared and Clif.
“Jensen Ross Ackles, how could you show up in this condition!” Donna Ackles snapped as he gave her a cheeky smile before passing out. “Fuck!” Jared blurted out, catching him before he face planted onto the tiled floor.
“Jared Tristan Padalecki you’re to blame for this!”
“I’m the one who’s been there for him, not the one forcing him to do something he’s not ready for! This is on you, I’ve tried to get him to stop but he’s hurting like hell and you don’t care!”
“You can’t speak to me that way young man! I always knew you came from trash and this proves it.”
Jared let his inner Alpha surface, eyes glowing red in anger, “If you ever speak disparagingly about my family again…” Clif quickly stepped in between them giving Jared a look.
“I’ve had it with you inserting yourself in our family business! I’ll make sure you never have contact with Jensen outside of work ever again!”
“You go ahead and try, Jensen’s forty two years old and more than capable of making his own choices. The only reason he’s agreed to this is because you’ve duped him into believing this is the only way to uphold your family’s social standing in the Dallas Pack because all you care about is how you look to those fucking country club bitches!”
“Alan, could you please bring the car around so we can get away from this embarrassing situation.” The older Alpha gripped his mates arm giving her a firm look of disapproval and steered her towards the exit. They could still hear her grousing, “how dare he deliver Jensen in this state,” as they went out the door.
Jared hefted his friend over his broad shoulder and carried Jensen back out the private entrance as the SUV pulled up. Clif opened the back door and helped Jared place him in the vehicle, carefully laying him across the seat.
“How bad has it been for him?” Alan inquired after Clif shut the door so his mate couldn’t hear.
Jared pulled off his beanie, running both hands through his hair, not hiding his frustration before answering, “He’s been in a downward spiral, drinking continuously, got him to stick to beer. I found him looking at the divorce papers and as you see… ”
Alan sighed heavily. Jensen’s divorce came out of nowhere, everything on the surface appeared good between him and Danneel but in hindsight he realized there were telltale signs all along, the biggest was her reluctance to have children.
Anytime anyone inquired she waved it off, saying she wanted to wait till Supernatural had ended, it wouldn’t be fair to leave all the responsibility for rearing their pups predominantly on her, she wanted Jensen there, to be a hands-on father.
Alphas were involved to an extent in care and raising of pups, but it was unusual for one to be as hands on as the Betas or Omegas were.
Jensen was one of those exceptions. Whenever with his siblings, he was right in there helping, never turning down a chance to play with them, even princess tea parties with his only niece. When on vacation or at conventions with Jared and his mate, he always was willing to help with their pups.
“I want to formally apologize for what Donna said, she overstepped the lines of etiquette. This is no excuse but she doesn’t know how to handle this situation. Jensen’s always been her favorite and she personally picked Danneel as his mate, it’s been a slap to her ego.”
Jared smiled, “I accept your apology Alan. Jensen’s always said his mother has been a…handful.”
Alan laughed, “That’s the diplomatic way of putting it,” he signed again, “Donna’s family always spoiled her being the only Omega, somewhere along the way she’s forgetting that being part of Dallas society doesn’t give you the right to treat others badly.”
*** Late next morning
Jensen was sitting on the edge of his hotel bed contemplating how he got here.
He thought Danneel was the one. When they were introduced by his mother a few months before his twenty seventh birthday they instantly clicked and started dating that night.
Jensen proposed six months later, couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have found a love match. Danneel stated she wasn’t ready to give up her career yet, so they compromised and decided on a long engagement.
Supernatural started filming its fourth season when Kripke announced that the series would end with season five. Danneel also found out her current role was being written out of the series she was in about the same time so they set the date for May 2010.
Jared’s surprise wedding in February that year reaffirmed Jensen’s desire to settle down and start his family in a few months. They bought a home outside Austin like Jared and his new mate Genevieve. Things were going as planned, then the unexpected happened.
A couple months before they finished filming the CW announced Supernatural was being picked up for season six under new leadership.
Jensen returned to Vancouver not long after they were married. Danneel continued working, doing guest starring roles on other series and was cast in the occasional recurring role of Jo.
Every year when the show went on hiatus Jensen would bring up about starting their own family, he was feeling the biological pull more and more. Once again, she stated it wouldn’t be fair for them to have a family and him be a drop-in father, and moving to Vancouver full time, nope, he worked too many hours.
Danneel started dabbling in other interests outside of acting and in 2018 they opened The Family Business Brewery with her family. A few months later Jensen was served with the divorce announcement.
*** “Jensen, it’s time.” He looked up and Alan was saddened by the lost look in his son’s eyes. There was a resignation in those green eyes that never existed before. Saying nothing Jensen got up, slipped on his suit jacket and walked out of the room.
Alan mentally shook himself but that nagging feeling was back once again, something wasn’t right about this whole situation.
*** The Uber stopped at the back door of the small country church. The woman in the backseat thanked the driver and got out, pulling the garment bag with her. She walked to the door and rang the bell. It opened revealing the minister’s wife.
“You’re very late, the wedding is starting in fifteen minutes.” She said, hurrying up a staircase to the second floor and entered an empty room. “Where is your family? They should have arrived already to help you get ready.”
“There is no one coming,” the woman replied as she hung the garment bag over a closet door next to the mirror attached to it. The minister’s wife’s jaw dropped in surprise, “and it won’t take me long to get ready. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be down in a few minutes.”  
She unzipped the bag removing a veil and shoes having arrived already in her dress, chosen by the groom’s mother, and attached the veil to the headpiece holding back part of her simply styled hair. She looked at herself for a moment before pulling the front part of the veil over her face then joined the minister’s wife who was to escort her to the chapel. She placed the shoes she wouldn’t wear until after the ceremony on the small table outside the double doors and took her place in front of them.
Jensen was sitting in the first pew of the small country church wondering why this place was chosen for the wedding as Donna and Alan made their way to sit next to him. His siblings, Joshua and Mackenzie, were already seated in the one behind him with their mates as the rest of the Ackles clan that had been invited filled up the rest of the pews.
He looked over at the bride’s side. There was not a single person seated in any of those pews. He frowned, finding it strange, wondering where her family was when the intro music started.
The minister took his place and gestured for him to rise. Jensen couldn’t move, his body feeling like it was tied down with lead weights. “Jensen!” His mother hissed at him in a low tone.
Suddenly, he felt himself get up, urgently needing to get away from her as his inner Alpha became agitated, as if it sensed something was amiss.
Each secondary gender pairing had their own ceremonial traditions so he was required to remain facing forward when the music changed and the doors behind him opened.
As the guests stood Jensen focused his senses on her as she proceeded down the aisle. He couldn’t scent her, too many different scents mingling together to isolate hers. He listened to the whispering material of the dress as she slowly walked, finally stopping next to him. In his peripheral vision he could see her head bowed under the thick veil obscuring her face and hair, her hands were clasped together in front of her, devoid of a bouquet.
The minister started speaking, talking about the obligations each Alpha and Omega were required to follow as dictated by the book. Jensen inhaled sharply, realizing what was occurring.
This wasn’t the common ceremony but the ancient, traditional version that only the extreme believers still used today. There was absolutely no out for either party from once the proceedings started.
If he objected to the ceremony he would be shunned by his pack, his family would be forced to never acknowledge him again or suffer the same censure; if the marriage didn’t work and they separated, he was responsible for her care as she would be set aside from society and forced to live in isolation.
He looked over at his parents, Alan was pinching the bridge of his nose trying to quell his anger knowing that his mate had put Jensen in an impossible situation as Donna sat there with a fake, placid look.
His own mother had irrevocably bound him to this Omega for the rest of his life.
The rest of the ceremony was a blur, neither party was required to say anything, there was no exchange of rings or a kiss at the end. The minister finished the ceremony and turned to the altar signing the marriage certificate with a quill pen dipped in ink. Jensen signed next, his hand was shaking so violently in anger making his signature barely legible.
The Omega didn’t sign, only her name was required for legality and the minister filled it in. He poured a powder on it to set the ink, blew off the access, rolled it up and tied it with a piece of twine before handing it to Jensen offering his blessings for a fruitful marriage. It took every ounce of his acting ability to politely smile, shake his hand, thanking the minister for the proceedings.
He turned, marching out without acknowledging his bride and she obediently followed behind him, pausing to grab her shoes along the way and scurrying to the waiting limousine climbing in after him.
Jensen sat in the back on the farthest side pouring himself a drink from the bar as his new wife sat quietly near the still open door. A few minutes later Jensen was on his third glass of whiskey when his parents climbed in and the chauffeur shut the door. He started the limo and as they pulled out Alan pressed the button to close the privacy window between them.
The tension in the back was so palatable an icebreaker couldn’t have cut through it. “Donna how could you…” Alan was unable to say anymore, his disgust for what had happened thick in those few words. “I did nothing wrong,” she snapped back, “I only had Jensen’s best interests…”
“Like when you threatened to sabotage my friendship with Jared again? By the way, Clif’s the one who dropped the dime on what happened after I passed out last night, not Jared, so you don’t get to blame him for that too.” Jensen threw back the rest of his drink before continuing.
“Oh, don’t think I’ve ever been ignorant of your disdain for him ‘cause the clan he comes from isn’t good enough for those highfalutin bitches in your social circle. Or how you’ve persuaded me to do this only to find out you took it to the extreme, forcing me into an impossible situation, accept this marriage or lose everything. Congratulations mom, you are still the queen bitch, sorry, bee, your precious reputation is secure.”
They traveled the rest of the way in silence. The limousine pulled onto the grounds of the country club in front of its grand entrance. Jensen got out before the chauffeur finished putting the car in park leaving his new wife to scramble out behind him as Alan and Donna got out the other side.
Jensen finally took a good look at his bride. She was in a simple, modestly cut, long sleeved dress, the only adornments a row of buttons down the bodice, no jewelry and apparently a pair of shoes that didn’t fit as she was struggling to get them on.
She was still fussing with her left shoe when he spoke in a stern voice, “Since our wedding was in the traditional, we’ll continue with its edicts. You are not to remove that veil, acknowledge or speak to anyone. You will not leave my side for any reason. Where I go, you go, three steps behind me. Nod once if you understand.” She nodded once.
“Son, I think…”
“Dad, as the traditional also states, I’m well within my rights to make demands of my Omega without interference, am I not?”
Alan acquiesced, “Yes, you are.”
“So” Jensen rubbed his hands together, “let’s go celebrate this disaster, shall we.” Putting on a fake smile, he went into the venue to greet his family with his Omega obediently three steps behind him.
*** Several hours later
“This shit has got to stop cause I swear it’s the only time I’m doing this dad.” Josh grunts, annoyance thickening his voice as he helped guide his inebriated brother to his hotel room. “Come on.. have ‘nother drunk, ‘posed to be celebrating my disaster marriage to that…’mega..don’t even want her.”
“Jensen, shut the fuck up! I’m not gonna stand here and let you insult your mate.” Josh snapped at him.
Jensen ripped his arm loose, “ ‘en go, not stopping you…and she’s not my mate,” his free arm waves unsteadily as he points towards his new wife standing by the main door, “my real mate took my money, my home, my fucking heart!!!”
Josh turned his back on his brother, “Jensen, I can’t stand seeing you like this, you need to get it together.” He headed for the main door,  pausing to speak to his brother’s new wife, “I’m sorry he’s taken his anger out on you now. My brother is a good man, an honorable Alpha,” he stepped close to her and lowered his voice, “there is far more to this than what you’ve been told, please be patient with him.” He left slamming the door behind him.
“Fuck him,” Jensen muttered staggering into the bedroom and sitting on the edge of the bed slumped over.
“Jensen, your brother is right, you have got to pull yourself together. Therefore, as the Alpha of our clan, you are banned from our family. When you are back to being yourself, the Alpha you once were, you may appeal for re-admittance.”
Alan then did something he hadn’t done since Jensen was a small child, he bent over and placed a kiss on his son’s head, “I love you and I want my son back.” Nodding to his new daughter in law he left.
It hurt him tremendously knowing he wouldn’t see his son for a long time but it was for his own good. Now his Omega was the only one who could help him mend. Hopefully Jensen would see this marriage wasn’t the biggest mistake he’s imagined it to be.
Jensen didn’t move until he heard someone shuffling their feet. He looked up squinting at his new wife still standing by the bedroom door. Sitting up straight he grunted at her and passed out, falling backwards on the mattress. She slowly walked over and hesitated a moment before reaching out touching his shoulder, shaking him.
Getting no response she sat down near him lifting her right foot, gingerly removing the ill fitting shoe with a gasp and then repeated with her left. The blisters on both her heels that had busted open earlier were raw and had bleed. She detached her veil and wadded it up, stuffing it in a shoe and bent over untying Jensen’s and removed them too.
Standing up she gripped both his jacket lapels and hefted him upright to lean against her as she worked it off letting him flop back down and unbuttons his shirt leaving him sleep the case of everything he drank off. She left a pain reliever and bottled water on the nightstand.
Quietly shutting the bath door she found the dress had too many small buttons down the back. She laughed mirthlessly at the irony she was stuck in the dress like this marriage. Pulling the skirt up over her knees she sat on the counter to soak and clean her sore feet in the basin.
Once the worst of the ache was gone she pulled the drain and climbed off to finish washing up the best she could. The mirror reflects back the emotional toll of the last few months in her eyes.
She went over to the bed only to find her husband had moved, sprawled out over its entire surface. Searching for extra bedding and not finding any she gave up going back into the main room and curled up on the couch hoping to find a comfortable position to get some sleep for a few hours so she could briefly forget what her life had become.
Part II
SPN: @donnaintx​​​
Dean/Jensen: @flamencodiva
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msgrumpygills · 3 years
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what made the colored rose glasses come off?
i can say that mine too came off a while ago and i cant believe how blind i was and i blame his fans because i remember how i was defending him even with all that shit he pulled i thought he needed protection and needed to be treated with so much care and he was big cute baby i was part of the people who got his back no matter what but he is not stopping and the amount of money he and his wife keep asking from the fans and the fans give with love is just too much for me am glad you got out i just cant wait for the others to wake up too
and speaking of walker i too hope it flopped because of his ego and his spn Easter eggs and dean sam parallels its just not fair you cant have it all dean died for sam to live even before he died in the end and jared still trying to make money of it just no!!
This is a really good question, so thank you for asking! I’m glad you got out too! It’s kinda liberating! This will probably get really long because I ramble a lot, so I apologize in advance! 
I’m not entirely sure there was a specific incident or one thing that happened that made me stop and thing, it was sort of a culmination of a few things. Firstly, I sort of lost interest in the show because I was getting tired of the fan service. I know that sounds a little silly because I was a fan, but the whole pandering to the shippers and the bad writing and for lack of a better word, ridiculous storylines, it got to be too much. I stopped getting excited to watch the show. Now that kinda happened naturally in a way because I fell behind a few weeks, but it wasn’t like when I was a hardcore fan, and I’d be waiting to catch up, I just kinda lost the push I guess? Then seeing the storylines and things, I just didn’t think “Oh wow, I really need to get caught up!” because nothing really sounded that interesting. I didn’t care about the Jack storyline, I was tired of the Dean/Cas fan baiting, all of that. I was only interested in Scoobynatural and then the episode where John comes back because I wanted to see Jeffrey Dean Morgan. 
So I was kinda disillusioned a bit about the show. I was also getting really tired of Misha’s political tweeting and his hypocrisy. I believe that was what led me to an anti blog? I can’t really remember how, but I stumbled upon an anti blog and I started reading through and realized that there was a lot going on behind the scenes that I wasn’t really a fan of. So all of these things were kind of stacking on top of the next, and I started to take those glasses off. So it wasn’t really one specific thing, it was many. 
But now I’m at this point where I’m really opening my eyes and realizing how bad things have always been, and I turned a blind eye. I was the same way as you were, needing to protect Jared the big fragile baby, standing up for everything they did. I was going through my timehop and saw some tweets defending Jared’s relentless bullying of Justin Bieber, his insensitive comments of PSH, things like that. It was embarrassing because I was only standing strong with him because I was in so deep as a fan. I mean, I never really agreed with his doxxing of random employees, but I would sort of turn a blind eye to that and just ignore it. Now I realize how stupid that was. 
I’m not saying that I regret being a fan because I don’t. I had a lot of memories, I loved the conventions (not the prices or the Creation company, but that could be an entire different post) and some of the fans were great. I still consider myself a fan of Supernatural and a fan of Jensen and Jared (but he’s pushing it), but I’m not a super fan anymore. I’m at that point where I can recognize when they screw up and can call out things that aren’t okay. I think a lot of fans are still stuck in that illusion that these guys can do no wrong, and it’s sad, but I’m sure they’ll come around at some point. I’m not saying that no one can enjoy the show or the actors or whatever, but at least call them out on their bull and don’t blindly defend everything just because it’s your fave. 
I will say that all celebrities sell things to their fans, and that’s just part of the celebrity/fan relationship. Everyone has merch, everyone does charity fundraisers, etc. What I started to get a little wary of, was everyone jumping on the Represent bandwagon and milking AKF and YANA for every single penny. The first run of AKF was great and I think it started a conversation within the fandom, and everywhere really which is great. I mean, to a point, the second and third runs were cool because I know a lot of people missed out on the first run, etc. And you can bet your bottom dollar that I bought most of the shirts released. But then Misha had to get his grimy paws in the pot and make YANA, using Jensen in the mix too. Is it great to raise money for charity? Yes. Is it cool to do that while making fans happy? Sure. What I got tired of was them milking the same thing for more money. It seemed to lose its authenticity when they kept milking it and making new things if that makes sense. 
But look at Misha and Stands; they milk EVERYTHING they possibly can to get money out of the fans. It really disappointed me that Jared moved AKF to Stands because Stands is a trash company as it is. 
The fans are paychecks to these people, and while that’s just a fact of life, they don’t need to make it so blatant. I thought Gen was bad for shilling products left and right, but Jared is getting just as bad. He’s using Jensen, his family, and Supernatural to try and shill his show and his crappy supplements. 
I haven’t watched Walker, but I’ve seen the failed attempt at trying to capture that Supernatural lightning in a bottle and that reeeeeeally rubbed me the wrong way. I’ve mentioned it before, but he’s basically taking a show that took 15 years to build its fanbase, the family, everything, and trying to do that same thing with a concept that seemed better on paper. 
I think Jared got cocky and figured that the success of Supernatural would follow him into anything he touches, and he’s quickly realizing that it’s not gonna happen. So what does he do? He rides on Supernatural’s coattails to try and bring traffic to these things. The Easter eggs aren’t “for the family”, they’re to try and get viewership up for his show that no one seems to care about as much as he expected. The forced “brotherhood” with Keegan is him just trying to recreate the J2 brotherhood for more attention and more views. After all, part of the magic of Supernatural was the boys, Sam and Dean. Jared’s having to start from scratch and trying to have the same magic and fandom that Supernatural took 15 years to grow, but right away. That’s his biggest problem. 
If anything, I hope it flops because it’s really embarrassing and a bit insulting for Jared to just move onto the next “ship” and the next “family” like Jensen was nothing. It makes the “brotherhood” and the “SPN Family” seem so fake it’s unreal. I also hope it flops so he can get a reality check and a hearty slice of humble pie because Lord knows he needs it. 
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princesscas · 3 years
Note
That N*ncy and her crew came at me for making a parallel post and started abusing and mocking me and they didn’t ever give me a chance to explain I was pointing out the differences between the two moments. They made me leave the fandom as a result because I was so upset and shocked by their hostility to someone who literally just made that one post. It was crushing...
UGH JESUS CHRIST- Alright strap in, this is a loooong one ‘cause I need to let out some steam. *Puts on some (live!) Alice In Chains while I write this* 
First off before I delve deep into this: I’m so, so, so, sorry that happened to you. You never, ever, ever, deserved that nor anyone else. Block them. I’ve had N & Crew blocked for years (even another blog when N’s original blog got removed by Tumblr, yes that happened) I would not be surprised in the slightest if N talks about me and others on here but I wouldn’t know thanks to that wonderful button. 
I’ve noticed over the years that they love to prey on smaller blogs and people new to the fandom. They love to scare people away, just like you. no matter what. You like Cas? “You’re a Casti-ewer!!” You like Deancas? “Leave destiheller!” You like Mish? “Ew, a minion!” You like Gen & Danneel? “Go away beard stans!” I’m not exaggerating on those names. They’ve made up countless names and the mockery they do is outright disgusting. In fact, just last night while I was on a block-spree, N made a comment on a post saying she couldn’t stand working at Staples because her co-worker was, and I quote, "worked with a castiheller, we didn’t get along that well.” Jesus, leave the poor guy alone with his opinions on the show, would you? This is what they do. Ordinary fans off the street aren’t even safe. Think the show got better once Cas or another character was introduced? You are now their enemy.   
Many fandoms have toxic sides to them, I know and I’ve seen others even when I wasn’t too involved with them. But the ‘Bronlies’ side of the Superdooperbloop fandom? This shit is on some new levels kind of toxic. You can’t reason with these people. No matter what, they will twist your words and spin their bullshit around like they’re better than everyone else. 
I said to that hate blog, use a blacklist addon (heck, I think Tumblr has implemented this feature now) and what did they say? "Learn how to be a civilized and productive member of society instead of a spoiled entitled brat. There is something seriously wrong with them.” The fuck? I came off as nice as could be and they threw that up right in my face. It’s impossible. I’m legit concerned with these people. If this is how they treat others on the internet, what the hell do they do in real life? That’s scary. 
They hate any and everyone who writes fanfic with Canon-Divergence. (or art or anything for that matter) They spew this bullshittery: “You forget the REAL Canon.” I feel like I’m going to turn into Doom Guy levels of rage at that. 
They yell, ‘This isn’t canon therefore you can’t do that.’ It’s utter bullshit because they don’t consider what happens in the last seasons (4 above and 13+ especially) canon. It’s 3000% hypocritical. Also 2) They say we can’t have destiel but they can go on their merry way with w////t. I don’t ship shame, that’s not who I am but some of them ship w/////t as underage in some of the more fucked up ways imaginable. I’m not talking AO3 Teacher/Student fucked up, I’m talking...I’m stopping right there no one needs to know about that. 
They exclude (and hate) every single character except Salmon and Deer. It’s like they refuse to realize that these character have other relationships. They claim time and time again that Deancas shippers have harassed the cast/crew/writers when the reality is the complete opposite. The shit Gen, Danneel, and other female cast members have faced is criminal. 
I wish N*ncy4*4 and Co would just give up and leave already. Jen, Jar, Mish, Danneel, Gen, Rich, and the entire cat has said time and time again, they do not like nor endorse that side of the fandom. Gen and Danneel especially because they’ve personally faced that crew since they’re both on Instagram now. These people...act like Jar and Jen don’t know nor realize they don’t want them in the fandom. 
God, I long for the day after the show ends. Imagine when Mish and everyone can just...talk about things they weren’t able to before. I don’t know if they would talk about it but I’d give anything for it to happen. Mish esp with the way he’s been treated over the years. 
I don’t know if you or anyone else knows about this, but she literally trash talked the orphanage in Hati that Random Acts built. Here’s a video of Misha basically saying ‘f-you’ to that post. 
Again, I’m so sorry that happened to you :( Please don’t listen to them. I know they love to claim they’re 95% of the fandom but the reality is they’re 5%. Go ask a random Souperbloop fan on Reddit or anywhere outside of Tumblr, they won’t know a damn thing about whatever these antis think. 
I’m ending this with a Reggie quote: 
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surlybobbies · 4 years
Text
For the Love of the Game [deancas, 1.5k, T]
Summary:
“A tense moment on the field between good friends. Novak has taken Dean Winchester’s legs out from under him - did he get the ball? What do you think, Joe? Yellow card?”
“Looks like he just about got the ball to me. Fair challenge. Though judging by his reaction, it looks like Winchester doesn’t agree."
(Dean and Cas over the course of three years as players of opposing soccer teams.)
Author’s notes: written in the 90 minutes it took to watch a soccer game at 1am.  I’m a sucker for athlete Dean and Cas.
Read on ao3 or
“Of course, Winchester and Novak have known each other since they were kids.  Best friends, these two, off the pitch.  On the pitch, however, as I’m sure we’ll see today, is a different story.”
The loss is a difficult one to take; it means that Cas and his team are now on the bottom half of the league table, a position they haven’t been in for well over a decade.  
After the final whistle, Dean jogs to Cas, whose hands are clutching at his hair in disbelief.  Dean puts his hands around Cas’s face, forcing Cas to look at him.  “You okay?”
Cas closes his eyes and grits his teeth.  He’s probably thinking about the goal Dean had scored just 10 minutes before the final whistle, and how he’d been unable to prevent it.  “I will be.”
Dean sighs and pulls Cas in for a rough hug.  “I’ll tell mom you’re coming over this weekend.”
“How long is she in town?” 
“Just a week,” Dean says.  “She’ll want to see you.”
Cas shoves him away and scrubs his face with both hands.  “Just let me know.”
++
“Apparently they stay at each other’s bachelor pads over holidays.”
It’s been coming for years, but when Cas pulls Dean in for a kiss on Christmas, it’s still a surprise.  Dean takes a few moments to fully register what’s happening, that Cas is really finally kissing him, but once it sinks in, he is definitely on board with the developments, and he pushes Cas against the wall and starts to thoroughly enjoy himself.
A century later, Cas pulls away.  “This is unwise,” he says breathlessly.
Dean’s dizzy with Cas’s touch.  He touches Cas’s face because he can’t stand not touching him.  “You started it,” he says, all he can think of to say.
Cas frowns a little bit, but his nostrils flare with how hard he’s breathing.  “How I got here, kissing an absolute idiot, I have no idea.”
“You’ve also got a hand up my shirt,” Dean supplies unhelpfully, “if you wanted to get around to removing that.”
Cas arches an eyebrow, and Dean likes it.  “Do you want me to remove it?” Cas asks, leaning in again, dragging his hand down to Dean’s waistband at an agonizingly slow pace.
Dean’s hopeless - absolutely done for.  “Definitely not.”
“Good,” Cas growls, and Dean likes that a lot.
++
“Their rivalry seems to fuel their friendship - or is it the other way around?”
“Just to be clear, this doesn’t mean I’m going to take it easy on you this Saturday,”
Dean’s lounging, one hand behind his head, watching the progress of Cas’s lips down his chest with lidded eyes.  “Wouldn’t love you if you did.”
There’s a long pause.  Cas lifts his eyes to watch Dean’s expression, but it doesn’t waver.  The only sign of nerves is in the way his throat moves.  Cas acknowledges the word with a small smile and a lingering kiss to the center of Dean’s chest.  Later, he’ll murmur the word over and over and over into Dean’s hair, his hands on Dean’s ass, encouraging him, and Dean will swell and break with it.
++
“A tense moment between good friends.  Novak has taken Dean Winchester’s legs out from under him - did he get the ball?  What do you think, Joe?  Yellow card?”
“Looks like he just about got the ball to me.  Fair challenge.  Though it looks like Winchester doesn’t seem to agree.”
“Could have broken my leg, Cas,” Dean spits.
Cas is adjusting his shin pads.  He looks up at Dean.  “Hardly - it was a fair challenge.”
Dean gets up right in his face when Cas straightens.  Cas has seen this face in the throes of pleasure and he knows he’ll see it again; he lifts his chin and smirks, knowing how much Dean will hate it.  
“Also, ref begs to differ,” Cas says, winking.  “No foul.”
“Jesus, you’re a cocky bastard.”
“And you’re a shit striker.”
“You shouldn’t even be on the field with a challenge like that.”
Cas is getting back into position, walking backwards so he can throw one last remark at Dean: “You shouldn’t even be on the field with skills like that.”
Dean’s face turns red.  “What’d you just say?”
In the end the ref has to separate them; no cards are shown, but neither of them talk to the other for two weeks.
It goes without saying that the eventual make-up sex is fantastic.
++
“It’s Novak’s last game for the Angels - he’ll be officially retired at the end of these 90 minutes, aged 35.  Fitting that his greatest rival and friend should be on the pitch with him, albeit playing for the opposition.”
Cas is subbed at 87 minutes for his last ovation from the home crowd.  They adore him as he adores them, and Dean knows this last walk off the field has got to be an emotionally harrowing moment for Cas.
Dean hopes his fans won’t give him too much shit for what he does next: he pulls Cas in for a rough hug as Cas walks to the touchline to be subbed.  He doesn’t look Cas in the eye, and shoves him away before either of them do something stupid like cry.
++
“Back for the second half of the first game of the season, and Dean Winchester’s 37th minute goal is the only thing separating the two sides.
As most know, Winchester announced over the break that he and his best friend and former Angels player Cas Novak have been dating.  There’s been quite a bit of backlash, mostly from fans who think their relationship has swayed their performances over the years, but both Winchester’s manager and Novak’s former manager have laughed off that particular suggestion.  What do you think, Greg?”
“No, they’ve both been consummate professionals, haven’t they, over the years?  Obviously good friends - well, we know why now - but it never stopped either of them from giving it their all on the pitch.”
“They both loved the game too much to let anything affect it.”
It’s not fun, being the only player in the league out of the closet.  His teammates don’t treat him any differently, but Dean sometimes feels like he’s slowly being frozen out.
“It’s because you didn’t say anything to us.”
“What the hell was I supposed to say, Benny?  ‘I’m fucking a guy, and it’s Cas Novak’?”
Benny sighs.  “I don’t know, Dean.  They just want to know their captain’s being honest with them.  Sleeping with the opposition is pretty shady, alright?”
Dean hangs his head.  He understands.  He’s still pissed, still frustrated, but he makes up his mind.  He slams his locker to get everyone’s attention.  “Just figured you all would want to know,” he says loudly, a little angrily, “I’m asking Cas to marry me tonight.”
Stunned silence.  Dean stares them all down, daring any of them to say anything.  If he has to knock someone out for talking shit about Cas, he swears he’ll do it and damn the consequences.
But nothing happens.  Ash grins, scratching his neck.  “We’re invited to the wedding, right?”
The laughter that follows breaks the ice.  Dean tries and fails to stop himself from crying when they all come forward to congratulate him.
++
“Dean Winchester made history by marrying Cas Novak over the break.  It’s a great moment in sport, but he’s opened up in a recent interview regarding the homophobic abuse he and his husband have received.”
“A shame that.  The sport needs to do more to support their LGBTQ+ players.”
“Agreed.  But despite all that, Winchester says he’s proud to lead the way for others to come out in his wake.  Plus, his husband is here to watch his first game of the season, so that must make up for it somewhat.”
“He’s probably not happy to see Novak in Angel colors, though!”
“The rivalry lives on!”
“Who wants to bet that it’ll be a tense atmosphere in the Novak-Winchester home tonight?”
Cas is solemn as he greets Dean at the door of their home, but Dean scowls at him anyway.  “Don’t think I didn’t see you cheering when they scored.”
Cas looks a little abashed.  “They’re my friends, Dean.”
“I’m your husband.”
Cas hides his smile in Dean’s neck.  “And I love you.”  He wraps his arms around Dean so he can’t wriggle away.  “But I also love my team.  My fans would have rioted if I’d shown up in your jersey.”
Dean doesn’t bother arguing.  He played for the full 90, and the emotional toll of the loss is just now sinking in.  “I’m ready to go to bed,” he says, his voice raw.
“Alright,” Cas says, kissing Dean on the cheek.  “I’ll be there soon.”
Dean is half asleep when Cas walks in wearing Dean’s jersey and a pair of sweatpants - then Dean’s suddenly wide-awake and half-hard.
Cas gets under the covers and leans over Dean, smelling like shampoo and toothpaste.  “Good night,” he says cheerfully.
Dean stares at his husband, marveling at the audacity.  Finally, he says, “You’re such a jackass,” but diminishes the effect by pulling Cas in roughly by the front of the shirt and kissing him, much to Cas’s delight.
_____________ tag list:
@super-powerful-queen-slayyna @lifeisingrey @fangirlingtodeath513 @levicastho @dontlosethemoon @dmsilvisart @hello-vague-stuff @bold-sartorial-statement @snarkysnartes @massivefaceperson @dontlosethemoon @livebloggingmydescentintomadness @yourspecialeyes @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover​ @profoundnet
(if you’ve asked me to put you on the tag list and i haven’t I’M SO SORRY i was bombarded with a bunch of notifs and may have missed it… send me an ask - replies sometimes get buried esp if you don’t reply on the original post - and i’ll update the list!)
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Safe and Sound (Robert Downey Jr. x Daughter!Reader)
Chapter 10
Masterlist
Previously on Safe and Sound...
Warnings: mentions of kidnapping, fluff. 
Word Count: 2,035
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You followed Robert down some hallways, your mind was everywhere, you couldn’t believe that he actually wanted to talk to you. Everything felt so real, this shit was actually happening. Robert opened the door to a room, he gestured for you to go in. You walked into the room, it had a couch and what looked like a small make-up station. It must be one of the greenrooms.
“What’s your name, kid?” Robert asked as he closed the door, you quickly turned around to face him.
“Um, it’s (Y/N),” you answered, you looked around the room, “where are we?”
Robert couldn’t believe it. If you were actually his daughter, your kidnappers must have kept your name, he didn’t understand why they would do that. It was a dumb move on their part but he was grateful for that dumb move. “This is my green room,” he said softly. “What makes you think that you are my daughter?” Robert didn’t want this to be another hoax, I mean he’s dealt with parents before saying they had his missing daughter. It all just brought his hopes up, he hoped this just wasn’t another scheme to meet the actor. 
You quickly took off your drawstring bag, “because,” you began to say as you dug through your bag, you took out the adoption papers, handing them to Robert, “I found those last week.” Robert looked over the papers, he couldn’t believe what he was reading. Right there in black ink was his name along with his ex-wife’s name. His daughter, you, were put into the black market adoption. “I’ve done my research. And if it helps any, my parents don’t have any pictures from when I was under three years old. They both have different stories as to why, but” You dug through your bag again, taking out a small photo, “I have this one photo from when I was four from when we first moved to Mexico.” You handed it to Robert, his breath hitched in his throat at the sight of the photo. You were next to a couple, they were smiling in the photo. “I look nothing like them, they’re both tanned and I’m light complected.”
He pulled out his wallet, taking out a small wallet-sized photo, he had always kept this photo of you in his wallet, it was taken on your 3rd birthdays. Days before you were taken. Days before his world came crashing down. He took the photo, placed it side by side with the photo you handed him.
The girls in both photos looked exactly alike, there was no doubt that you were indeed his missing daughter. He continued to stare at the photo, his daughter with two strangers. Two strangers that took her from him. From her family. He looked up at you, standing in front of him after all these years, “it is you,” He said in almost a whisper. He looked at you in amazement.
You realized what he was saying, you were his missing daughter. You had been taken, you didn’t know what to feel, most of the life you had lived was a lie. The people who raised you took you from your family, you felt a wave of anger towards them. Robert quickly wrapped his arms around you in a tight hug, you felt at peace in his arms.
“I knew you weren’t dead,” Robert said as he let out a sob, “they said that it’s best to think you were dead instead of out there suffering, but I knew you weren’t dead!” He let go of the embrace, holding your face in his hands, “look at you!” He said with a smile, “you’re so beautiful!” You felt tears brim your eyes.
You wrapped your arms around Robert, his embrace felt familiar, safe, it all felt so right “I remember this,” you whispered. “I remember you singing to me,” You said as you let go of the hug, “That song, it’s um-”
“Smile,” Robert said, “I used to always sing you ‘Smile,’ you would beg me to sing it to you, it was the only song that got you to sleep when you were a baby.” Robert couldn’t stop staring at you, “oh my gosh, (Y/N), losing you was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Your mother, she-”
“I know,” you whispered, “I read about it when doing my research.”
“I blamed myself for that night,” he said softly, “I almost ruined my career, my family, because of it,” he felt a fit of anger towards the kidnappers, “we need to call the cops.”
“Wait!” You exclaimed, “can we just.. Can we just savor this moment? I want to hear about when I was little, tell me about my mom. What’s she like?” You sat down on the couch, Robert then sat next to you.
He gently brushed your hair behind your ear, “you look like her,” he began to say, “she’s an amazing singer, you would always ask her to sing smile too, but she had her own song she would sing to you. You were our princess, (Y/N), losing you broke the family apart. It broke Indio. He thought so highly of you, he was such a proud big brother. Yeah, you guys fought but he was always there to protect you. They’re gonna be so overjoyed to hear the news.” Robert couldn’t help but smile as he looked at you, his little girl, alive and in front of him.
He placed his hand on your cheek, “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, “I’m sorry, I couldn’t protect you.” You gently grabbed his hand that was on your cheek, “did they… did they treat you okay?”
You gave him a nod, “don’t worry, they made everything seem like we were a normal family,” you reassured.
Robert gave her a nod, “how are you doing in school? Grades?”
“I’m actually in top of my class.”
“I knew you were going to be a smart kid,” Robert said as he placed a kiss on top of your head.
You sighed, looking down at the floor, “what now?”
“We call the cops, maybe I should call the lead detective on your case, I’ve been in contact with him over the years,” he took his phone out, “they will go to your house and arrest the um- people who took you.”
The kidnappers, the people who you thought were your parents almost all your life. You placed your hand on Roberts phone, stopping him from making the call, “Only one of them is home, if you make that call, you most likely won’t catch the other. It’s best if we just wait until tomorrow.” You could tell by the look on Roberts face that he didn’t like this idea, he just wanted to take you home and make sure you were safe. “Trust me, they will both be home all day tomorrow and you give the detective these papers,” you said as you gestured to the adoption papers, “this is the address to where the house is,” you grabbed a pen from your backpack and began scribbling on an old receipt from your wallet, “you tell them to go there.”
Robert was amazed at how much you’ve grown, you weren’t the three year old he used to know. He felt heartbroken by that fact, that he had lost so many years and all he wanted to do right now was to regain those years by talking with you for hours on end.
Your phone began to ring, you panicked as you realized how late it has gotten, “Oh shit!” You expressed as you looked at the Caller I.D. “it’s him, my um-” you looked at Robert, hesitating to call the man on the other end of the phone your father, the man you thought was your father, “it’s Mark.” You finished saying. “I have to answer,” Robert gave you an understanding nod.
“Hello?” You asked as you answered the phone.
“Sabes que hora es!?” Do you know what time it is?
“Lo siento pero perdi mis llaves, y yo Los Estaba Buscando.” I’m sorry but I lost my keys and I was looking for them. You looked over Robert who gave you a confused expression, “I’m waiting for the bus right now,” you lied.
You could hear Mark sigh on the other end, “I told you, eleven the latest. It’s already eleven fifteen, (Y/N)... just hurry up home, your mother is going to have a field day when she gets home tomorrow morning.” With that, he hung up the phone.
“Well?” Robert asked, eager to know what the conversation was about.
“Well, he’s not too happy,” you said softly as you placed your phone in your pocket, “I should probably get going.”
“Let my driver take you home,” Robert insisted as you got up from the couch, “so that way you won’t have to take the bus.” You didn’t hesitate at the offer, knowing very well that you would have to wait extra time for a bus and this way you would get home a bit quicker. “Come on,” Robert gestured for you to follow him. You followed him out to a different room, “Hey, mind giving someone a ride for me?” Robert asked a man.
The man quickly stood up and looked at you and smile, “Sure! What’s the address?”
You told him the address and he placed it into his phone GPS, “I’ll bring the car out to the front entrance,” The man said to Robert as he walked out of the room.
You then followed Robert through the hallways once again and into the front entrance, by now the only people at the center were just crew members. “What brought you to the convention anyway? Other than, you know, the obvious.”
“Oh, my best friend, (Y/B/F/N), and I had plans for years now to come to the Supernatural panel,” you admitted as you guys waited for the car, “we even got to meet Misha Collins, which was pretty freaking awesome.”
“You came with your best friend? Where is she?” 
“Oh I kind of ditched her at a cafe, I was a bit upset from our first encounter.” 
Robert sighed, “sorry about that, I-” 
“It’s okay,” You gave him a reassuring smile.
“So, you’re a big Supernatural fan?” You gave him a nod, “What about Marvel?”
“Never really got into it,” You whispered, “but I think I’m going to be getting into it very soon,” you said with a smirk. Robert chuckled at your comment. He sighed as he saw his driver bring the car over to you guys.
Robert wrapped his arms around you, he placed his hands on your cheeks once more as he let go of the embrace, “I still can’t believe it.”
You gave him a gentle smile, “tomorrow, trust me.”
“Will you be okay?” 
You gave him a nod, you just had to pretend for one more day, pretend that your fake life was normal that you didn’t know the secrets they’ve been hiding from you. “I’ll be fine, even better once this is all over.” Robert hesitated to let you go, he wanted to just keep you with him, call the cops, it didn’t matter if they only caught one. Well, it did, but Robert felt selfish, he wanted to just embrace you. Take in what he has missed, what was taken from him all these years. He watched as you got into the black Suburban, you gave him a small wave goodbye as the car slowly drove off.
Robert took his phone out, he knew it was late and that she was probably asleep but this was important, he listened to the phone ring a couple of times, “Hello?” her voice was groggy.
“Deb?”
“Robert? Do you know what time it is?” A slight irritation in her voice, she was confused as to why her ex-husband would be calling so late. Part of her wondered if it had anything to do with Indio but Indio was asleep in the other room. 
“I found her, Deb,” Robert choked out, “She’s alive. Our baby girl is alive, Deb.”
A/N: Feeling super insecure about this chapter. Don’t really like how it turned out. Anyway, let me know what you guys think. 
Permanent Taglist: @otomefan @dejaazaro @culturebay @kpopishilarious @fireproof-heaven @iloveyouthreethousand-o6  @weappreciatepower @whereyoustand  @white-wolf-buckaroo @spider-woman22 @coffee-habit @supernaturallover2002 @barnes-parker @therealmrshale @myinternetissoslow @myhippiehopes @benhardyswifeee @snowangle1994 @celyndavies @xzowiex @unapologeticallymimi   @glitterquadricorn @lady-of-lies  @cassmoreiraxo @just4muggles @mellorine-paprika  @agirlruinedbybands @yougottalovefandoms @avngrsinitiative @lizlil
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letsplayeternity · 5 years
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Supernatural Season 15
So it is true… next year will be Supernatural’s final season. I knew, logically, that this was going to happen sooner rather than later, and I knew that it was probably gonna be season 15. However, that did not make the news any easier to hear.
The thing is, people have always told me I’m obsessed. And I’m not going to lie, I will own up to that. I am slightly obsessed. It’s just a running joke in my house, my “horrible taste for tv series”, or my insanity when I was finally able to get tickets to go to JIB, something I’ve wanted to do since I was 16. My mum thinks I’m completely mental. I’ll give her that though: I have lost my sanity a while back.
The funny thing is, though, nobody has ever thought to ask me why. I don’t think I’ve ever told this story to anyone, except some people who might know bits and pieces, but the show is ending and I wouldn’t be true to myself and the person I’ve become if I didn’t share this. So here goes nothing.
When I was 14 (yeah, a long time ago, but bear with me) something happened. I recognize now, after seven years, that it was a pretty stupid thing and that had it not happened I would’ve made very different choices. I’m not gonna go into detail, because it’s not important. The important bit is that after that happened, I closed myself off from everyone. I already did not like talking to people, after that I stopped trusting people entirely (with a few exceptions). Some say I still have trust issues. I do, but back then it was even worse. And that’s when Supernatural (and Dean) came into my life. I started watching it as a joke, when season Seven was just about to begin. And it was everything. So I sat down that summer and started from the beginning.
The show was great but Dean… well, Dean was what I wanted. He was the big brother, the protector, the one who always sacrificed himself for the other people, even when they didn’t deserve it. He was also (and still is) very attractive, but that is inconsequential. The thing about Dean, the one thing about him that makes him stand out to me (even now) is that he is constantly fighting to be defined by his deeds, not by what other people say he is. He always fights to find his identity, as a brother, as a hunter, as a human. Hopefully, next season, he’ll realize that he can also love people (Destiel, anyone?), but the most important thing is that he is not giving up. Never. Not even when the battle seems impossible. And there have been many impossible battles. He always chooses to ‘go down swinging’, even when the sensible thing to do would be to lay down his weapons. He’s a stubborn son of a bitch. But he’s my stubborn s.o.b., and I can’t help but love him. I guess, at that time in my life, I wanted to have someone that would do that for me. Someone that would sell his soul without thought, someone to trust. But I also wanted someone that would not hurt me. And Dean was the perfect candidate. He could protect me, and he would never let me down. He was the one person I could trust with everything. Sometimes he still is. And it hurts to let go of all of that. In a way, it’s as if I’m moving on from a relationship that has lasted seven years (yes, I can see you roll your eyes, and I know you can’t understand, but it’s my rant so whatever mum) and now, from this time next year, I will have to face life alone. Without Dean acting as my safety blanket, without being able to say “well, Dean would never treat me like that”. It’s scary. It’s absolutely terrifying. But it has to be done.
It is easy, I think, to get sucked up in fantasy worlds and ignore reality, especially if you don’t like the reality you’re living in. On the other hand, it is incredibly hard to let go of that dream, and finally step back down into the everyday real. The Supernatural world is one that I know, one that I am comfortable in, and one that will always be there for me. There is something therapeutic in turning on the TV every week and know that there may be pain, there may be blood, there may be death, but the Winchesters will always win. There is a quiet certainty whenever Dean, Sam and Cas kill the monster of the week, or the year, and they’re together once again. Happy, in whatever measure anyone on Supernatural is ever really happy, but happy nonetheless. Because ‘family don’t end in blood’, and they’re family. They are my family, sometimes I’ve felt closer to them than to the actual people in my life. Supernatural has allowed me to make friends across the world, some that I have met in person, others that I will probably never meet, and they have changed me. This show has changed me. For better or worse, I am who I am in part because of Supernatural and because of Dean.
Now it’s time to say goodbye. Another rant like this will probably pop up after the end of season 15, but for now this is what I have to say. Thank you. Thank you to the cast, the crew, everyone who has ever worked on supernatural. Thank you to everyone who has spent time and effort making the show what it is. Thank you to Jared, Misha, Alex, Brianna, Kim, Sam, Jeffrey and everyone else.
Jensen… I do not have the words to tell you exactly what Dean has meant for me over the years, I can’t do much more than say thank you. Thank you for 15 years. Thank you for loving Dean as much as I do, if not even more.  Thank you for giving me a protector when I needed him the most. You saved my life. You really did. I am so grateful for everything that you’ve done. I know you will go on to do amazing things, and I can’t wait to support you in them. This is a bittersweet moment, but I recognize that, however painful, life is more than Dean Winchester.
So yes, this is what I have to say on the subject. It’s a lot, and some people may think I’m a drama queen. I am. But I also grew up with this show, and fell in love with it. So you can call me obsessed. You can say I’m crazy, or that it is stupid to be so upset for something so stupid. Quite frankly, I don’t give a shit.
Thank you, Supernatural, for everything.
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natasha-cole · 6 years
Text
Worlds Collide Chapter 20
Pairing: Billy Moran x Reader
Summary: Reader’s mother isn’t above humiliating her in front of her coworkers. A situation that she is just trying to diffuse becomes too much when Reader realizes that she doesn’t have control over anything.
Word Count: 2913
Warnings: angst, bad parenting, emotional abuse, physical abuse
Notes: I hope I’ve already established the fact that Reader’s mother is abusive. If not, and that sort of thing is triggering for you, avoid this chapter.
Catch Up: Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4  Chapter 5  Chapter 6  Chapter 7  Chapter 8  Chapter 9  Chapter 10  Chapter 11  Chapter 12  Chapter 13  Chapter 14  Chapter 15  Chapter 16  Chapter 17  Chapter 18  Chapter 19
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You wished that you hadn’t talked to Billy that way. It wasn’t the smartest choice of words when you had spent the last few weeks wishing that things had been different. It was the combined stress of knowing your mother was around and having to see Billy every day that made you snap.
You wish you could say that you appreciated his sentiment, but you really didn’t. He knew better than anyone what your relationship with your mother was like, so having him step in and offer to handle this when he obviously didn’t even love you anymore was a lot to handle.
You found her sitting quietly in the green room where you had left her. For now, she wasn’t talking to anyone else at least, and you hoped that she hadn’t while you were gone.
You took a deep breath as you approached her, knowing that you had to convince her to leave before she decided to embarrass you, or even worse, upset you in front of anyone.
“It’s time to go,” you said as you motioned for her to get up.
“What? Why would I go?”
“Because this is my place of work, and you can’t be here.”
“Don’t be stupid,” she chuckled. “I’m visiting my daughter that I never see.”
“First of all, you’ve seen me way too much recently. Secondly, us having no contact for so many years was your fault.”
You caught sight of Billy and the rest of the guys out of the corner of your eye. Most of your coworkers didn’t seem to be paying attention to any of this, but you knew that Billy was watching.
“Y/N, you found her,” you heard Misha’s voice before you even noticed him enter the room. You spun around to look at him, sort of annoyed that he chose this moment to make his appearance.
“Misha,” you began. “Yeah, I did. I was just seeing her out actually.”
“Misha?” You mother mused. “Oh, I recognize you now. You're the man who was caught in some precarious situations with my daughter. You're a big name on this show.”
“All of that was misconstrued,” Misha chuckled. “We're friends.”
“What a shame,” she said sarcastically. “How much do I have pay you to really date her?”
“Excuse me?”
Misha pulled back in shock by her question. He kept a slight uncomfortable smile, not sure if she was joking or not.
“Well, that's the only way men stay interested in her. Obviously, she can't even keep a man who's a nobody. Doesn't surprise me really.”
“Um, I'm not sure I know what you're talking about.”
“It's nothing. I just had to pay one of her ex boyfriend to date her,” she explained. ��I'm not sure what kept the last one around for as long as he stayed. Maybe Jen paid him as well.”
You were humiliated now as she let it be known how pathetic you were. The fact that someone had been paid to go out with you wasn’t something you liked for other people to know.
You looked at Billy, suddenly questioning if this could be true. You didn't put it past your mother or your people at all, but you never considered that Billy of all people could have been a part of something like that.
The only thing that made you stop and calm down was the memory of how they had tried to talk you out of staying with him. They were sure that he was bad for your image, there was no way that they would have paid him to be with you.
Now, you were more sad over the fact that the only reason you knew your mother was lying right now was because she didn't even like Billy. You were disappointed when you realized that the real reason to not believe her was because you knew that Billy truly did love you. But, even you weren't so sure anymore.
“That's not true, Y/N,” Billy began. “No one told me to be with you. I wasn't using you.”
“I know,” you replied.
By this point, your mother’s loud conversation with Misha and her subsequent shit-talking directed toward Billy had garnered the attention of everyone else in the room. All eyes were on you and you wanted to just disappear. You had spent a lot of time trying to look normal in front of these people, the last thing you wanted was for them to witness just how screwed up your relationship with your mom was. Even more, you didn’t want them to see how cruel she could be to the people you cared about.
“Regardless,” your mother continued as she focused on Misha again. “I think you’d be good for her.”
“Oh well,” Misha stuttered, looking extremely uncomfortable now. “I’m married and all. Also, Y/N and I are strictly friends.”
You appreciated that he was trying to reason with her nicely, but you also knew that it didn’t matter. She was going to find some way to insult him or you if you didn’t stop this.
“Okay,” you cut in. “Very funny mom.”
You reached over and grabbed her arm, tugging at her in an attempt to get her to follow you. She frowned and pulled her arm out of your grasp instead.
“Don’t touch me,” she spat.
The way she looked at you now left you cowering. You knew you couldn’t force her to leave if she didn’t want to, not if you wanted to maintain any sort of dignity right now.
“It’s really time for you to go,” you replied. “Please.”
“Who’s going to make me?” She asked. Her voice had lowered enough to cause the panic within you to rise. You always hated the way her voice sounded when she was challenging you like this. It scared you, and you didn’t want to look so helpless in front of everyone right now.
“Are you really going to try to force me out of here?” She asked. Her eyes burned into you and you stared at the ground in defeat. “Are they going to make me leave?” You could see her motion with her hand to everyone else who was standing around.
“Obviously not,” you replied. “But, I’m asking you nicely. Please. Please don’t do this in front of my friends.”
You looked up at her, pleading with your eyes for her to not act like this right now. It was bad enough that your friends knew that you were strange and sort of rude, you really didn’t want them to see that you were all sorts of screwed up because of your own mother.
“Obviously you don’t have any friends here,” she smirked. “It doesn’t surprise me.”
“Please,” you begged as you avoided the stares of the others. You knew your pleading was pointless. Once she had it in her mind to put you down, she usually didn’t stop. For now, all you could do was wish to disappear or at least to have everyone else walk away before it got worse.
“I swear, I’m the only one that you have in your life. I don’t blame them,” she said as she motioned to your coworkers. “You’ve never had friends and it’s because you have a poor attitude. You’re a horrible person, and it shows.”
You let her words sink in. It wasn’t anything new. She had been telling you that you were horrible for as long as you could remember. It was so constant, you believed it.
“You can’t even keep a man interested in you for long enough to make it count,” she continued.
You couldn’t help the way your eyes darted up to focus on Billy again.
“I was wondering how long you would make that last. I was right when I told you that he didn’t love you.”
You hung your head and looked away from him as your mother reminded you just how unlovable you were. You thought you could avoid this. You thought you could just show up to work as usual and get through it. You thought no one else in the world would ever know this much about you.
“Hey, you need to back off.”
You heard the voice speak up suddenly and you knew it was Billy. You couldn’t bring yourself to even show that you were grateful right now. You were feeling smaller than usual, in a way that only she was capable of making you feel.
“Excuse me?” She replied, sort of surprised that anyone had said anything.
“I told you to back off.”
“Are you going to let him talk to me like that?”
Once you realized that she was talking to you again, you looked up at her, noticing the look of disgust on her face that she seemed to reserve specifically for Billy. You glanced over to him next. He looked angry. The same way he had looked when you hurt him with your behavior.
“Billy, don’t…” you began, shaking your head and hoping that he would just back down.
“No, this is not okay,” he shouted. “She treats you like shit, and you let her.”
“She’s my mother,” you reminded him. “She’s just honest. A lot more honest than anyone else has ever been with me.”
“That’s not honesty, Y/N. That’s bullying.”
“I don’t even know why it concerns you,” your mother cut in. “Aren’t you the one who left her? Aren’t you the reason she was crying just weeks ago in front of me even though I hate crying?”
“That doesn’t matter,” he began.
“It does matter. It matters because you broke my daughter’s heart and treated her like shit; yet, here you are trying to tell her that I’m the bully when I’m the only one who loves her.”
“Is that how you show love? You degrade your own child and make her believe that she’s worthless?”
“Stop it,” you muttered, knowing that no one had heard you in the middle of the argument that was quickly growing heated. You were humiliated. You had your own mother saying such horrible things to you and your ex-boyfriend defending you and all you wanted was for it to stop.
“Like she said, I’m honest with her. That’s what love is.”
“This is not love,” Billy reiterated.
He stepped closer to you now and you breathed out in frustration that he was even standing up for you.
“How would you know?” She continued. “You don’t love her.”
“Will you please just stop?” You shouted suddenly. You felt the tears slip down your face as you began to sob.
“Really? Now you’re crying again? Stop it, you are not a child.”
“Of course I’m not, you never let me be a child.”
“Don’t raise your voice at me.”
“You are a terrible mother,” you muttered without thinking.
Never in your entire life had you ever told her that. No matter how often you thought it, you would never dream of saying it out loud.
You felt the sudden sting across your face as she brought her hand down. The movement startled you and then left you frozen as you covered your face with your hand. It had been a long time since she had felt the need to slap you. Right now, you understood that you said something truly terrible for her to have done it in front of other people.
“I’m sorry,” you breathed out as you stared at her, mouth agape.
She stared at you angrily as you tried to stutter out another apology. It was then that Billy stepped in between the two of you.
“God knows I would never hit a woman,” he said calmly as he spoke to her. “But I won’t sit back and let you hurt her.”
You stared at his back that was facing you, still with your hand covering the place where your mother's hand had hit you. You were in shock, but you considered trying to convince Billy to not get involved. At the same time, you couldn’t bring yourself to speak up or even move.
“It’s none of your business what I do with my own child,” she said coldly. “I’m all she has, and I doubt that she wants you of all people to have a say in anything.”
Billy turned to face you then. He placed a gentle hand over yours that was still covering your cheek.
“Just say the word and we’ll get her out of here,” he whispered.
You shook your head at him, still crying. He could tell that you were afraid. He knew you better than anyone and always had a way of reading you like a book.
“You don’t have to let her control your life anymore,” he continued.
You stayed quiet for a moment as you watched him. This was the old Billy that you had come to love. He was gentle and caring, letting you know that he had your back even if things weren’t great between the two of you. He was the one who had left you, but right now, you understood that he still cared about you.
You glanced around the room, feeling more humiliated by the way the others were watching this entire thing unfold in an equal amount of shock. No one knew what to do. You were sure none of them had ever witnessed something like this.
“Make her go away,” you said softly. You felt like a child again; the way you said the words in a broken voice, the way you had to have someone else step in to protect you from her.
Billy simply nodded and turned back to face her.
“I suggest you leave before I make you leave.”
“You wouldn’t,” she smirked in return as she folded her arms over her chest as if she were challenging him.
“Hmm,” he thought for a moment. “You’re right. I wouldn’t because I’m a nice guy. But, fortunately for us, we have security.”
You watched as Billy motioned for the security guys who were standing by waiting. You weren’t sure how long they had been there, you only assumed someone had called them in when this whole thing had started. Just in case.
The two men approached her and began to escort her out. Even she didn’t put up a fight. She knew that these men would do their job, even if she happened to be related to one of the actors here.
She shot you a glare as she followed the men, and you knew that you most certainly wouldn’t hear the end of it. You remained anxious until she was no longer in sight. Once she was out the door, you breathed a little easier and relaxed; that is, until you remembered that everyone had seen that whole thing.
“You okay?” Billy asked as he turned back to you. Again, his hands were on you; one running along your stinging cheek, the other caressing your arm.
You pulled away from him then, not wanting him to be touching you. It was too much given this situation.
“I’m fine,” you nearly shouted. “Just leave me alone.”
Embarrassed, you decided that you needed to get out of there. You moved to the other side of the room and retrieved your bag and jacket. You couldn’t get yourself to stop shaking as you continued to sob. This was the worst thing that could happen at work of all places. You wanted out of there and you wanted away from these people.
It was Misha who stepped in next to help you. He took your belongings from you, noting how badly you were shaking and that you probably needed assistance. You let him help you. Out of everyone here, he was the only one who was kind to you and understanding. He also knew how difficult the break up had been, so you knew he was stepping in to keep Billy from making things worse.
“I need to leave,” you said to him.
“Yeah, no problem,” he replied. He placed a hand against your back and started to escort you from the room. “We’ll get you out the back way and back to your hotel. Does she know where you’re staying though?”
You shook your head as you walked, “I don’t think so.”
“Misha,” Billy started as he walked toward you. “Let me help her.”
You closed your eyes, trying to hold back more tears. Misha must have caught on to the fact that this entire emotional display wasn’t just about your mothers behavior.
“I don’t think she wants your help,” he replied. “I got it.”
You sighed as Misha continued to lead you out of the room. Billy had stopped in his tracks and you weren’t sure what he was feeling right now, you really didn’t care.
As you left, you considered whether it would be a better idea to just back out of the rest of the con. Surely you had made an idiot out of yourself. You knew everyone was going to be talking about you.
By now, the shock of having your mother hit you in front of everyone had pretty much worn off. You were used to it after all. Even after so many years of avoiding her, the fact that she’d hit you didn’t surprise you. Right now, you knew your real pain was coming from the way Billy stepped in to protect you when he really had no right to do so.
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luci-in-trenchcoats · 6 years
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Imagine...Trick or Treating With Sam & Your Son
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Request: Hi! Not sure if you may have gotten this type of request before but maybe a Daddy Sam taking the reader and their little son or daughter trick or treating for the first time? :)
Pairing: Sam x reader
“Okay, cute kid check, cute mom check, apple juice and animal crackers in your bag check,” said Sam, setting your son down on the sidewalk, his dinosaur hood flying off his head when the wind caught it. “Woah, Luke buddy, where'd you come from?”
“Daddy, I'm not a real dinosaur,” he said, reaching for Sam to get up on his shoulders.
“Momma in charge of candy collection tonight? We’re at full capacity over here looks like,” said Sam, Luke laughing when he got to tower over everyone else on the street.
“Uh uh,” said Luke, reaching for his bucket as his other hand smacked Sam in the forehead. “Mommy’ll eat it.”
“That's my boy,” said Sam. “More for us, right?”
“No. Only the cool people get to share it,” said Luke, Sam grumbling when you smirked at him.
“Well if you aren't sharing with us who’s getting it? You got a girl on the side we don't know about young man?” said Sam, his interrogation of your toddler tugging a smile onto your face. “Spill the beans dude.”
“Uncle De said I couldn't tell,” said Luke. “It's our secret.”
“Remind me to cut a deal with our niece next year,” said Sam, Luke patting his head.
“Sara gets my skittles for her suckers,” said Luke. “Uncle De said I made out.”
“How much is he getting of your stuff?” you asked.
“25%,” said Luke, Sam rolling his eyes as he bypassed the houses and headed towards the other end of the street where Dean was just leaving his house.
“Hey! You conning my kid?” you heard Sam shout halfway down the street, Dean walking around with your four year old niece on his shoulders.
“He wanted suckers! I got to look out for my girl,” said Dean, heading up the street to meet up with you.
“He didn't want to be a sucker,” you teased, waving at them. “Hi Sara.”
“Hi Aunt Y/N. I'm a dinosaur like Luke,” she said, Sam stepping closer to Dean so the cousins could hug.
“Hey, Luke buddy, at least were taller than Dean,” said Sam, giving his brother a shit eating grin.
“Uncle De’s short,” teased Luke, Dean setting Sara down and scooping him off of Sam. “Uh oh.”
“Keep talking big guy,” said Dean, setting him down. “Alright, you two go run up to the house and get your candy. Sara will show you how it's done.”
“My neck is killing me,” said Sam. “Another one of your dad tips?”
“We can't all be as strong as our big brothers,” said Dean, throwing him a smirk. “How's Luke doing? Nothing terrified him yet?”
“We just got here,” you said, Dean nodding his head. “He's going to be stuck to Sara like glue.”
“They're already attached at the hip,” said Sam, tensing up when Luke hopped off the people's front porch instead of walking down. “Careful, Luke.”
“I got candy!” said Luke showing you and Sam.
“Twix bar, Mommy's favorite,” said Sam. “Better hide that from her.”
“Do you want to come?” asked Luke, grabbing Sam's hand. “Mommy brought your antlers.”
“Sure buddy,” said Sam, letting you pull the fake moose antlers from you bag and put them in his hair. “Do I look like a moose?”
“Yup. Let's go,” said Luke, pulling Sam with him and Sara to go up to the next house.
“I can't believe you got him to wear that,” said Dean, catching the smirk on your face. “Don't you dare.”
“Sara, want to see your dad in his squirrel ears?” you asked.
“Oh Chuck yes,” said Sam, laughing as Dean grumpily let you put the ears on.
“Well you look adorable Squirrel,” you said, Dean giving you the stink eye.
“I will plot revenge on you,” said Dean. “I've been to hell.”
“We've all been to hell. No need to brag about it,” you teased. “Besides, it was the kiddos idea. Wanted to see their daddy's dress up by their nicknames.”
“Take plenty of pictures tonight. Sam’ll want to see how ridiculous he looks. Happy too,” said Dean.
“Moose has been looking forward to this more than Luke I think. The normal stuff just...you know,” you said.
“Yup. I do,” said Dean as the trio came back. “Sam, where's Y/N’s costume?”
“She's Bambi,” said Sam, pulling out your ears and putting them on your head. “Remember Crowley used to call her that.”
“Who's Crowley?” asked Luke, your head shaking.
“No one buddy. Next house sound good?” said Sam, ushering them forward up the next drive. “How long before we slip up you think? Tell them the truth?”
“We got a while still. Go on Moose. Your little dinosaur buddy is waiting for you,” you said, Luke standing in the driveway, holding out his hand for Sam.
“Daddy, don't tell mommy but you can have some of my candy,” said Luke.
“It'll be our little secret buddy.”
@charliebradbury1104 @everyday-supernatural-af @squirels-angels-and-moose @youwerelikeadream @drugpug @darkx143 @kristaparadowski @tom-is-in-my-tardis @tanithlowisabamf @smoothdogsgirl @dancingalone21 @ktrivia @demonic-meatball @feelmyroarrrr @cojootromuelle @gallifreyansass @casgetoutofmydiddlydarnass @mogaruke @ria132love @heycassbutt-67 @aingealcethlenn @docharleythegeekqueen @missmotherhen @smacklesandstretch67 @tumblinwith-me @samisimportant
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runolllo-fanboygirl · 4 years
Text
Did you guys know I’m actually a big fan of Team Fortress 2.
It’s just that not being able to play the game anymore (because of the arm muscles problems) and the toxic and sexist part of fandom really killed my hype back then and I decided to stop interacting. Still, I’m always happy when the algorithms recommend me some videos or push some fanart on my dashboard... the RAW energy, the POWER and lunacy of the characters of TF2 is something I will always LOVE.
I recently heard of Soldier’s voice actor dying, took a look at some of the tributes and I got reminded that I never read the conclusion of the TF2 comics because it was not available at the moment...
Spoilers ahead, for TF Comics #6: "The Naked and the Dead"
Well the conclusion is still NOT out, but there was 1 “new” chapter that I didn’t read when they released, and what do you mEAN LUDWIG AND JEREMY DIED WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK-
Although, the emotions shows by the other mercs when they died, that was very worth it the pain... man I didn’t know I needed so much in my life, to see Mikhail fistfight someone to the death because they killed the doctor, "YOU KILLED MY FRIEND”. And Spy... disappointing BUT expected, he was a coward until the very end and even as Jeremy died he couldn’t show his real self to his son, even as he was saying those things and comforting him in his last few moments... still, disguise or not, he showed he cared and mourned and that’s a lot more than I ever thought we would get? Like holy shit he said he was proud of him, called him by name, called him SON... only for Jeremy to NOT ACTUALLY BE THAT DEAD AFTER ALL lmaooo the fucking face Spy makes hahaha Mundy be like “oh hey mate, kid is fine after all!” and Spy be like “Are you fuckinG SERIOUS I put mY eMOTIONS on dISPLAY-” ahahahahahha
The thing is, yes Mundy was the first one to die BUT WE DIDN’T KNOW, or at least I didn’t know, for the longest time I literally thought he only got like, a little more hurt than usual? hell when he got shot he was still standing in the last panel of that chapter (assisted by Tavish, but clearly NOT DEAD). It was not confirmed until the next comic was released like a year later? And as soon as they confirmed his death, Ludwig quickly got him back and breathing, so yes even if half of the other mercs + Pauling almost died, since Ludwig was very visibly pissed off by his new team and he had already saved Mundy anyway, we knew the other mercs would be fine because Ludwig was cleary about to rejoin his old team to help them...
...but then they killed Ludwig. And then Jeremy. Ok so the doctor is dead, he can’t revive himself and obviously can’t revive Jeremy, how are Valve going to fucking do this, or are they really killing off the medic and the scout, there is only 1 chapter left after all... I mean Ludwig went off after epically standing his ground, in close combat no less, against that mastodon of a man and after getting a few heartwarming moments with his old friends (well, as heartwarming as a moment can get when this mad science man), plus Mikhail getting real REAL sad and angry when Ludwig was shot to death before him after he failed to help him... that would be an honourable way to kill off Ludwig. So I was getting a lil nervous they would actually kill him for real lmao... AND THEN JEREMY DIES TOO AND I AM LIKE ASDF I had to stop reading for a moment to think.
Jeremy’s “death” scene didn’t have ANY building up to that moment, it wasn’t epic, it wasn’t a fair way to kill him off, unlike with Ludwig, heck we didn’t even watch Jeremy destroy those robots or get hurt, Mundy and Spy were having the most ridiculous of arguments when they happen to find the kid half death,and Spy’s disguise was stupid as fuck... and yet when Jeremy seems to be gone for real and Spy reverts to himself as he holds him, man oh man...
So anyway I thought, ok relax this can’t be it. Just because Mikhail said “you killed the doctor” it doesn’t mean he’s actually dead? Misha is shocked and enraged and too busy fighting the man in front of him and didn’t check the doctor. The doctor will be fine in the end, somehow. Misha can like, steal the immortality device from the guy he’s fighting and put it in Ludwig? And then Ludwig will get Jeremy all parched up and back from the dead too.
Anyway I didn’t KNOW what the fuck I was expecting other than for them to use the immortality device on either Ludwig or Jeremy. but I sure as all hell was not expecting the way they actually came back... Mister Ludwig has too much fucking power and can’t be stopped and I should had fucking known better. Scout is baby and I should had known better too, he’s too baby to die, he can baby his way out of heaven, like he does with everything. All of these men are so fucking ridiculous get them out of my face give me back my tears jerks.
Also when Spy revealed that Jeremy is really his son from when he was with his mom 27 years ago... what do you fucking mean Jeremy is 26-27 years old I truly thought he was kinda a kid like, very early 20s hahaha oh fuck now I see all the times he has been complaining about being treated like the baby of the team, he really meant it? Although, Jeremy did mention he has known Pauling for 6 years, probalby for the first team when he started working for her, which means he’s around 20 when the whole plot of Team Fortress 2 started and all the updates (the robots invasion etc.) have been happening through a few years. It makes sense since all the mercs seem to have known each other and Pauling for quite some time.
ALSO WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN SPY IS HIS ACTUAL BIOLOGICAL DAD HAHAHA I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST THE LOVER OF HIS MOM AND NOT HIS ACTUAL RUNNAWAY DAD and all the fucking team seems to know this lmao?? Even Jeremy himself seems to know, or at least to suspect it but it’s so fucking pissed at the thought of Spy being his mom’s lover, let alone to be his son, that his few functioning neurons are trying real hard to block those facts hahaha
Man these comics are just masterpieces. I would love to make comments about every single panel but ain’t nobody got time for that... still, I just really felt like mentioning, how much I love them, the energy they have, how fucking hilarious they are in that lunatic,  unique and slightly crude sense of humour they have, and also please never forget that most of the RED mercs had to team up in groups of 2 to take 1 of the BLU veterans out and still got real hurt in the process, MEANWHILE PYRO TOOK 2 OF THE VETERANS ALONE AND THEY COULDN’T EVEN LAY A FINGER ON PYRO. The Pyro’s got too much fucking power too, and can’t be stopped, you already knew, but I felt the need to say it anyway.
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Welp you were right. I really hoped we could get at least one more episode of Cas & Jack, instead Cas is in prison and out of the way for 5 (five!!!) episodes, while literally everybody else deals with the situation. Why set him up when you're not gonna use his character. They're using Ketch ffs! Osric, Michael guy & Richard are the only things that made the episode watchable, other than Misha that always masters Cas. At least I can always count on Misha. Sigh.
Unfortunately a lot of us saw this coming, yeah. And it’s not that I am happy being right about them shitting on Cas again. On the contrary I’m really sad and angry. I don’t like being negative about spn or Cas story line, just because. It’s not a hobby. I wish I could just be here enjoying Cas and the show and sharing good feelings with all of you. That’s what positivity police doesn’t understand. We don’t like being bitter and generally angry about the show. Nobody likes that. And I say “we” because I know a lot of people here that feel the same way. And we are all so tired of the bullshit. Of the bullshit the show gives us, of the haters, of some sectors of the fandom that want us to shut up… 
We’ve been seeing how they destroy Cas (and Dean too but that’s for another post) for years now. How is that we are not going to complain? And I understand that some people enjoy the show as it is ok? I’m not obtuse, good for them, really. But all those metas that are suddenly everywhere turning and twisting the horrible way tptb treat Cas just for shipping purposes? Fuck, I can’t accept that. I can’t accept that they say they love Cas when they prefer seeing him suffering for some twisted notion of deancas love. I think you know, that I don’t hate the ship, on the contrary I used to love it deeply, I still read ff, and is always going to be a part of my heart. But Cas is first for me, and to see my fave character reduced to a shipping prop or a manpain plot device, it hurts. A lot. 
13x07 was a clusterfuck. Not only for Cas, but for a lot of characters and story arcs. Ketch back? what the hell is that? Don’t get me wrong I like the actor a lot, he is a lovely man, but the character? Ffs even Mick was better to bring back. And Lucifer? Why that fucker is not dead??? Why they killed Missouri, Eileen, Charlie, but somehow he always comes back? And to pair him with Cas? Give me a break! And some people are all: “oh we love the dynamic!” What the fuck? Do they forget he tortured Sam endlessly? That he killed Cas? That he basically raped Kelly? What the fuck is wrong with this fandom? I just don’t get it anymore you know? I think that there are a bunch of people that only wants to be positive just because they can’t stand a critic eye. They can’t stand that their ship has sunk a long time ago. 
I think Misha deserves better. I think Cas deserves better. WE deserve better than this joke that spn is giving us since season 9 (maybe before too). But if fandom chooses to stay blind and some metas keep their bullshit going, then tptb are going to keep giving us shit. 
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Supernatural Survey
I was tagged by @bend-me-shape-me thank you ♥ i love these things
1. What season did you start watching Supernatural? Season 1!! although I wasn’t really super into it until season 2
2. Who was the first character you fell in love with? Dean fudging Winchester 
3. Who was a character that you hated at first but grew to love? hmm, i’d say Bela Talbot. Actually, couldn’t stand her until I re-watched the whole show. I then realised she was completely hilarious and I’d wish she’d stayed longer :(
4. Which character would you most want to be in a long-term relationship with? interesting question... of course Dean♥
5. If you could go on a date with just one character, which one would you choose? I mean I don’t want to answer with Dean every question, so Cas he would be very entertaining I imagine
6. What would you do on that date? Maybe a theme park? or somewhere he would be all cute and confused. I think we’d go to an aquarium.
7. Which character would you most want to be like? I could name any of the bad ass female characters so I’ll just pick Charlie
8. Which character would you most want to see brought back from the dead? (im not including cas because obviously CAS!) Gabriel #1, BENNY #2, Eileen #3, Bobby #4, Crowley #5, Charlie #6 
9. Which character would you most like to punch? Definitely Lucifer, I always haated Gordon from season 2-3, in fact, he is probably the only character that I’ve continueously hated so yeah I’d punch him
10. Who is your absolute favorite character? It’s Dean but sometimes it’s Castiel, then sometimes it’s Dean and other times it’s Castiel  (So Destiel right?)
11. Which “Big Bad” do you think was the worst? by worst do you mean the best bad guy or the one I least liked? hmm
Lord knows how much I hate the Bmol, and not because they’re good bad guys because they fucking sucked
I really liked Abaddon, but the best would be Lucifer (only in season 5 tbh or Casifer) I loved the built up from seasons 1-5 and Mark totally met my expectations 
12. Which character are you most like? Apart from the fact that I am completely ugly and have absolutely no love life I am the same as Dean. Isn’t it weird sad how I hate myself more than anything but my favourite character ever is the one most like me?? 
I find it so easy to relate to Dean, feels worthless, 100% self loathing, feels the need to protect loved ones but doesn’t understand when they do the same (lol they don’t) gets angry af sometimes, no one seems to know who Dean very is even Sam, is treated with a lot of tough love when he really needs soft gentle affection, dying of loneliness, gets too attached and can’t leave toxic relationships *coughssam*     I could continue to go on but I won’t
13. What death hit you the hardest? Bobby’s - It was such a fun episode so it took me completely by surprise
Cas’s- I spent all episode sobbing to myself that I didn’t want to see Cas die...
14. What season finale hit you the hardest? Season 12 because Cas, but probably season 5 I literally had to take a break from watching spn after it like damn wow. If I re-watched the show again I’d watch up to season 5 and then particular episodes from 6 onwards.
15. What are your ten all-time favorite episodes? In not order: Lazarus Rising, Changing Channels, The French Mistake, Swan Song, The End, Dog Dean Afternoon, Free to be You and Me, In my time of Dying, Bad day at Black Rock, Plucky Pennywhistle’s Magical Menagerie,
16. What’s been your favorite season? I thought about it a lot and it’s definitely season 5. Kripke did a really great job of setting everything from 1-5 and I love it. I’m a very emotion tv show watcher, so too much sad really drains me, but this season has some of the funniest episodes as well as some super depressing (but awesome) ones. It also has both Castiel and Crowley in it so that’s like 500 + bonus points from me
17. Who is your favorite angel? Castiel, who else?♥
18. Who is your favorite demon? Crowley I also loved Abaddon
19. Who’s your favorite evil character? I really really liked Cain, i don’t really think of him as evil though yes he’s a demonic murderer, whatever
20. Do you have any Supernatural ships? I only ship what I see with my eyes and connect with, so basically, I only have one main ship (OTP actually) and that is and always will be Destiel
21. Who’s your favorite supporting actor? SHit I love the entire cast ,, favourite acting ? they are all seriously talented. I don’t know if he counts but Misha, even though he is a main character!!! (his jimmy novak was so different to his cas it’s so freaking cool to watch)
22. What’s your favorite quote from the show? damn just one? do I go meaningful or comedy? ask me again in 100 years when I can go through them all and find one
23. If you could cast one famous actor in an episode of SPN, who would you choose? Totally not my idea, but someone made a post about having Robert Pattinson play himself, and he hunts vampires Lmaoo
24. If you could write your own episode, what kind of creatures would you like to see included? Something that messes with the mind like the djinn or the wraith
25. Who’s your favorite girl that Dean’s hooked up with? um, no one from the later seasons because Dean HAS a freaking husband, so I get Cassie?
26. Who’s your favorite girl that Sam’s hooked up with? I really liked Jess, she made him happy. I know they didn't hook up but I also like Sarah, and I like Maddison 
27. What are some of your favorite convention moments? the fact that cockles panels keep getting gayer.
I think it was at Nerd HQ - Misha’s fart story , can never stop laughing about it The makeup on the pillow j2 lmao That little girl who asked Mark what Fergus/Crowley sold his sold for and then said I’m just kidding I know exactly what he got - i was in actual tears Jared and the scare bears app I have the app *giggles*
^If anyone actually reads this sorry and wants a link just ask me^
28. If you were going to guest star (or be a recurring guest star) on SPN, how would you want your character to be described? exactly how i am, short, thick thighs thin patience, frizzy afro hair, wimpy in the inside bad ass on the outside, bff’s with cas and dean
29. What do you hope to see in the next season? I’m honestly so conflicted, because there has never been more canon destiel and I really truly want it but I’m sure they won’t but I’m also yelling at myself because season 12 was GAAAAAY bi
30. - 40. If you had to choose…
Bobby or John? Bobby
Bela or Ruby? Bela
Jess or Madison? Jess
Jo or Lisa? Jo
Charlie or Kevin? Charlie
Balthazar or Ash? Balthazar, but ash :(
Cas or Crowley? Cas
Ben or Claire? Claire
Jody or Donna? They are a duo, you get them together
Sam or Dean? I’m a 99% Dean girl and a 1% Sam girl so you do the math :) no hate just preference
I’ m tagging @useless-blog-nobody-follows ♥ and ♥ @sirikenobi167 ♥ and ♥ @punk-ass-cass Don't have to if you’re not interested :) 
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I feel a little awkward about people proclaiming Dean slamming Cas into a wall romantic, no matter the provocation or the fact that Cas is an angel. Violence is NOT romantic. Dean packing an angel blade because he's angry is horrifying. Cas letting Dean do this to him because he "deserves" punishment? My god, does noone understand what this sound like? This is shit Dean needs to work on, like the anger issues and verbal abuse issues, not something to be romanticised.
Yeah, it’s not great, but I feel like the show actually thinking about how violent it is last of anything it ever might address, so what can you do except write a disclaimer every time you end up discussing it that you don’t approve, and if you’re discussing it (or, especially the crypt scenes which had a ton more problematic tropes if you take away the mind control and magic) that you’re looking at basically everything but the violence as a point of interest and it’s an unfortunate way it meant the show put such and such a line in or whatever >.> 
I think a lot of the excitement is the tension and physical closeness (which helps that we know the actors are doing it and that there’s no real threat there and a lot of people would be perfectly happy just that Jensen and Misha did a wall slamming scene and that’s what they enjoy when they reblog gifs of it)… I don’t think there’s anything romantic about what Dean did - it’s not even like the crypt scenes which use a power of love made them stop thing which is really problematic when you take away that only because it’s fictional and they were ACTUALLY mind controlled and not responsible for their actions that that’s even half not the worst thing ever to do… It’s just Dean went to go fight Cas because he was pissed off and technically they do fight a lot of things that are causing harm and Cas going rogue to them is still a possibility they might not like to think about but 6x20 still probably haunts Dean of what exactly sort of cosmic force of nature is he giving mixtapes too anyway and how very very bad is it that it ends up being the antagonist like, almost every other year of their lives even while also being their BFF, which just makes things confusing. 
Dean starts referring to Cas’s feathery ass again which is something he does when pissed at him - Cas is all human and cute when he’s harmless and Dean’s worried or affectionate. But when Dean is pissed off Cas suddenly is an angel again in his language, and at times especially earlier on he used the same language about Cas he would use interchangeably about someone like, say, Uriel, who he hated and picked on all the things like “junkless” and so on… Dean getting like that is him remembering that Cas is not human, and could be as unpredictable and dangerous and taking inhuman approaches to things, that it’s not safe to think of him as a nerdy little guy, but to remember what they’re really dealing with, and as hunters, that means something that is potentially dangerous enough to hunt, and also it’s personally how he’s hurt Dean… 
For what it’s worth I think Dean was making a pretty horrifying display packing the angel blade, but when it came down to it, no matter how betrayed he feels he wouldn’t use it on Cas - he didn’t want to kill him in 6x20 or after - when Sam stabs Cas in 6x22 Dean actually mouths “No!” even though all logic would say Sam did the right thing there.
But I would bet though that people are kind of using a difference between “romantic” and “romanticising” like they don’t think there’s any romantic gesture or point to it like this is a way Dean shows he loves Cas (even with his anger born of worry born of love issues which is a whole other thing I was talking about earlier today at great length so I won’t go into it) but they are enjoying the shoving around - again, because it’s a lot more fun and safe when it’s actors doing it and when you take it out of context it might be fun wall slamming…
although side note about fanfic etc, I utterly can’t stand Cas in “fun” wall slamming situations etc where he’s the slam-ee, precisely because he makes that face like he thinks he deserves it and is just going to take whatever happens to him when it happens in canon and that’s depressing and horrible and I can’t un-see it ever… Cas getting passive and self-defeating in pretty much any fight with anyone drains any fun out of the idea he’d enjoy it playing around… It makes me feel sick and sad and horrified on his behalf because of how he reacts and I can never get past that exact thing, even with totally fanon AU Cas, with none of this baggage, because I just see him making those sad defeated faces… Not that the reverse of this scene in 5x18 is any better for saying anything about Dean, but in less high-tension situations like when he’s being manhandled by cops he only feels lightly threatened/mostly amused by, he seems to have a lot more fun with it :P Using 5x18 to say anything about Dean is just as unrepresentative, even if he DOES have a ton of fun wall slamming history, just not with Cas, like that. There’s plenty of other stuff in canon about how submissive Dean is without needing that gif… Like where he just admits he wants to be slapped around in bed or wants sexy rules or whatever. He doesn’t make it difficult to headcanon and he’s talking about wanting fun consensual sex in those moments :P I don’t think Cas has anything like it on his side (if anything he was compared to the pizza man who did the spanking >.>) and so anything where Cas is shoved around or gets that despairing passive look in his eyes I just can’t ever see him enjoying messing around getting in a similar headspace for fun, so I personally really don’t get anyone enjoying that side of it because Cas is in such a depressing place with this in the show >.> Idk if this is an unpopular opinion or not because at least in my experience of just following meta blogs and seeing fic recs etc second, it seems like a favoured dynamic anyway. About the gifs of these scenes and fanon though - I know a lot of people have fun with it out of context (e.g. “what if it was Cas shoving Dean against a wall because they were about to have sex”) and it just kinda looks bad without disclaimers which people might think were obvious they’re enjoying out of context because if they WERE asked they’d immediately say well duh the scenes were bad in context but that’s not what we’re enjoying here, or they actually have an interest in the whump factor of them getting beat up, but that’s something entirely out of my ability to talk about at this point, because I’m depressingly vanilla and boring about it all :P
Aaaanyway idk I’m not the best person to talk to about this because I don’t have a great deal of IRL experience to draw on for sensitivity about how to handle this except to say, obviously threatening to kill and shoving around your friends is not a good way to show love, and I also take that fact for granted when talking about it (so apologies if you were directing any of this message at me because it only occurred to me now, that you might not have been talking about the fandom in general, because I have been taking for granted that anything I say about this, I’m making a fairly horrified face about things like Dean packing an angel blade to meet Cas or shoving him around and I’d ASSUME that’s the normal reaction, except apparently people are romanticising it so NOT saying anything is playing into a bigger problem? Idk. >.>)
I haven’t really been on  my dash much since the episode so I don’t know how everyone’s really reacting, but I wonder how much of the discussion is also running away with ideas relating to these scenes, while taking for granted the main details are pretty crappy and it shouldn’t be treated as romantic per say, but come across wrong for not putting a disclaimer. The crypt scene discourse after 10x22 made me really hyper aware of that and how people who were most critical of or affected by this behaviour were seeing so much more of people supposedly romanticising it even though these people were just really not taking care to say of course they weren’t and to pick their language more carefully and not get over excited about meta textual reasons to reblog the gifs and so on, and I remember that it sort of came with a lot of snide hater anon messages to some blogs that this is why people hate Destiel/Destiel shippers because of all the romanticising abuse, it’s a horrible ship, etc etc, and even people who’d been really upset by that scene who then moved on to talk about other stuff aside from how Cas got attacked, were in danger of having this accusation about stuff they said… I don’t know. Fandom is a difficult space to navigate, and there are toxic sides to it, and people enjoying things in ways which other people might think they shouldn’t, when it’s not really their place to say HOW they enjoy it, but it’s all such a mix eventually wires cross… it makes me hesitant to go around saying everyone’s doing such and such romanticising a thing because it tends to be more complicated and weird and maybe there’s not such a great pool of people uncritically doing the thing that everyone is being accused of in a blanket statement. I’m now thinking I’ve said at least 2 of the things you mentioned, but I meant them in the way that I was horrified by what I saw and thought it would be obvious this was my reaction, but at this point I wonder how clear it was, and also how dangerous is it to ever open your mouth in a fandom space >.>
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