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#might reblog later when its not late in america time
buckys-other-punk · 3 years
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Hold on..THIS IS YOU?!
Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader
Request: where she is a fanfic writer and Sebastian stumbles upon her blog and messaged her as well not letting her know who he was but being an open person she is as to who she was, sending pictures and all, and until one day, decides to meet with her and she is surprised that it was the one she was writing for?
Word Count: 3.6K
Warnings: fluff, sarcasm (of course) and cussing? i think that’s all
A/N: Hello my lovelies. I am sorry I haven’t been posting as much, but that’s usually how I roll..no jk I legit had no time to write because of my classes this semester, so if this sucks I’m sorry lol. I’m still trying to get back into my writing groove...Also don’t mind my minor mistakes 😅
A/N 2: Anyways I AM BACK AND this is my first request ever!! I’m so excited to write this, I am soo sorry this took forever, but hope I did your request justice and that you like it (and so do others). I feel like I wrote this kinda cheesy, but whatever.
[Y/B/N = your blog name]
As always lemme know if you wanna be tagged in my future works and feedback is very much appreciated. Enjoy! <3
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Just another normal day without stress and a less anxiety filled world...no, today was actually awful. You were swamped with work and your best friend was complaining about her boyfriend. Let’s just say that the stress she was having with him was making you feel happy that you were single. Trying to relax you heated up some coffee (a/n: or tea) and sat on the couch of your small apartment. Grabbing your laptop you wanted to unwind reading. Probably some fanfics on Tumblr usually does the trick. 
After reading some pretty good marvel related fics by your mutuals, you got inspired to write some fics yourself. Opening up a new tab you began writing about your favorite actor, Sebastian Stan. That man literally makes your miserable day a little better. Sadly, like all the girls and women who fantasize over him, he doesn’t know you. But, whatever right? You can always use your imagination and conjure up a make believe world where the two of you are happily engaged and have a German Shepard puppy named Stitch. Shaking your head to clear your thoughts, you opened another tab on your laptop to pull up your writing playlist, you began typing away on your keyboard writing a new AU where you’re the celebrity of the world you were creating and he was a huge fan of you. After you finished your new fic, you posted that immediately without edits because you were so excited to see people read it.
*across town*
“Have you guys ever read any fanfiction about your characters or yourselves?” the interviewer asked the pair.
“You know I’ve seen a few that were quite impressive. These writers are damn creative.” Anthony replied with a smile. “I will also not lie. I’ve read a few steamy ones and y’all are dirty.” he added with a slight disgusted face shaking his head towards the camera.
“What about you Sebastian? Have you read any?” the interviewer lady asked, looking over to the man.
“Honestly. I haven’t.” Sebastian chuckled looking back at her. “Maybe, if Mackie here finds a good one about me I’ll give it a read.” shrugging towards his friend.
“Oh man, I got a few that are worth reading.” Mackie laughed, rubbing his hands together.
“Hey, might as well share them with the world. Let’s give that writer a shout out!” she exclaimed, placing her notecards on her lap.
“Well, like I’ve said I’ve only read a bit, but I do have some blogs that I’ve saved. Maybe next time I’ll name drop a few and give fans some well deserved praise.” Anthony smiled looking at the two.
“Alright, well you better have a huge list for me.” the lady said with a smile looking at Anthony. “Thank you both again for your time. For everyone watching Falcon and the Winter Soldier comes out in March 2021.” She finished off the interview smiling and waving at the camera and the two men followed her actions as well. Once the cameras and mics were turned off the lady came back to the two men.
“Thank you again guys for your time” the lady said to the pair shaking their hands (a/n: ok let's pretend there is no corona in this world so yeah. Everyone is healthy and so is the world!). The two replied with a simple you’re welcome and another thanks in return.
“Wait, have you really read fanfiction before?” Sebastian asked his co-star as the pair walked towards their manager, who was waiting for them outside the room, getting their schedule for the pair’s next interview.
“I mean yeah. I got curious on what people were writing about us and our characters.” Anthony responded with a shrug looking down at his phone.
“Aren’t most of those like fifty shades of grey?” Sebastian asked, staring at his friend as stood near their manager.
“Only if you want them to be..” Mackie stared at his friend with a blank face as they came to an abrupt stop. “Nah man, I’m just playing. Some of them are steamy, others can be sad, like crazy sad and some are like tooth rotting cute. Like I recently read one that was with Captain America and this original character that the author came up with and it made me say ‘aww’ when I finished it. Me. A grown man said ‘aww’ after reading a fanfic. A FANFIC!” he added. Their manager quickly explained their schedule and walked them over to their car to head off to the next location. The two were seated at the back, while their manager sat next to the driver.
“You know what. Send me that story you read.” Sebastian said to Anthony.
“Are you sure Seb?” Anthony asked with a chuckle.
“Yeah, why not.” he replied with a shrug. “Might as well read a good story before our next interview.”
“Alright let me send it to you right now. Honestly I think this writer is one of my favorites. I don’t know if it's her writing style or how she portrays our characters, but she’s amazing.” Mackie said with a smile getting the fic he recently read and sending it to his friend. 
“So all her stories are good?” Sebastian asked, looking at the notification.
“I just said that she is my favorite writer.” Anthony looked at his friend with a ‘are you serious face.’ 
“Okay. Okay.” Seb said with his arms up in defense. After a few minutes of reading the fanfic Sebastian actually said ‘aww’ aloud just like Mackie after he first read the story.
“It was good wasn’t it.” Anthony asked with a toothy grin.
“Yeah this was really good. Y/B/N is a pretty good writer.” Sebastian said looking through your feed.
“You should tell her!” Anthony exclaimed.
“What, like make an account?” Seb asked.
“Well yeah, but I mean not your actual name of course. Make a fan account. Show these writers your appreciation, I know that if I were an author I would love that (a/n: wink wink). I’ve messaged a few writers complimenting their work without actually telling them who I am.” Anthony said, placing his hand on his friend’s shoulder.
“I’m gonna read more stuff from her before I message her.” Sebastian chuckled. Sebastian clicked onto your main blog page to find that you had just posted a new fic about him. “Wait, dude she just posted a new story...About me!” Sebastian exclaimed, showing his phone to Anthony. 
“Nice, but we have to finish these interviews. You gotta read it during your free time man, sorry to crush your dreams.” he chuckled, unbuckling his seat belt and getting out of the car. Sebastian sighed and followed his co-stars actions getting out of the car and continuing the rest of his day filled with interviews.
*later that evening*
After the interviews Anthony and Sebastian had dinner together at a fancy restaurant. During their dinner they talked about how crazy some interviews were. Sebastian brought up the subject of how Mackie publicly announced that he had read fanfiction. With that still stuck in his mind the two finished their meal and after parting ways. Sebastian took a cab and arrived at his apartment, changed out of his fancy suit to some comfy clothes and grabbed a bottle of water from his fridge. He walked over to his couch turning on the tv, not really paying attention to what was playing, grabbing his phone he opened the tumblr app finally creating an account.
*one week later*
Sebastian has read almost all of your works and texting Anthony almost every time after he has finished a new fic giving his reactions to each. He has liked and reblogged everything he has read from you and other writers, but he favors your stuff the most.
Mackie: dude you should tell her you like her stuff and stop texting me!
Seb: Alright I will, I just don't know what to say.
Mackie: Just say you like her work. It's as simple as that.
Seb: okay okay I will
Mackie: ok good, no stop texting my its legit 2 am
Seb: fine
Sebastian opened up the messaging area of the app and began typing away his appreciation to you. He didn’t know why he felt so nervous after he pressed send. Getting out of the app completely he tried to focus on whatever was playing on the tv. Then all of a sudden he heard a notification go off and his phone light up. Looking down on it he saw that it was a notification from you. Again his nervousness took place as he unlocked his phone to read the notification. The app opened and the direct message filled his phone screen.
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(a/n: this is my first time using a fake dm thingy so just imagine that Seb is following you)
Seb: Holy shit dude, she actually replied back to me!
Mackie: Well of course she did, she's not a robot. But maybe she is since she’s up so late...
Seb: shut up and why are you still up? I though you were mad at me for texting you
Mackie: well you woke me up so what am i supposed to do
Seb: whatever I’ll let you go
Mackie: alright. bye lover boy 
Sebastian shook his head at the text, he went back to the app to reply back to you. “What should I say?” he said to himself. “Maybe she’s in a different time zone or lives across the world or something… Okay okay. Maybe be chill and say I hope i didn’t wake you? No that sounds weird.” he shook his head trying to come up with something to say. Eventually he fell asleep trying to think of what to say to you.
*the next morning/later that day*
Sebastian woke up with his phone gone from his hand. He quickly got out of his bed in panic to look for it. Maybe you had said something to him or he had said something dumb to you. Once he found his phone he quickly unlocked it to check and thank god he didn’t say anything stupid. But he didn’t say anything. He shook his head clearing his thoughts. “Alright I think I know what to say.”
Y/N’s POV
You woke up to the sound of cars honking, groaning you looked at your clock. “How is it already 10 am?” you said aloud to nobody in particular. You sat up on your bed and grabbed your phone scrolling through various social media apps. At the top of your screen you saw a notification from tumblr. Opening the app to the notifications section, you noticed it was a blog that had messaged you from earlier in the morning.
sebstan_fan: Nice to meet you Y/N. I’m Carter. I don’t know where you live, but I just woke up and had a dream about one of your fics. (wow I hope that didn’t sound creepy)
You smiled at the message, since you loved interacting with your followers.
y/b/n: haha its ok. I actually live near New York City and I also woke up. What was your dream about? (if i can ask)
Sebastian’s POV
Sebastian had just finished taking a shower and began preparing his late breakfast. “Holy shit she replied again!” he said to himself looking at the message.
sebstan_fan: Wait, you live near NYC! Me too! Wow such a small world. But anyways my dream was honestly just a reenactment of your fic.
y/b/n: that’s so crazy how we live near each other lol. But that's so cool how you dreamt about my work. You must have really liked it.
sebstan_fan: yeah it was really interesting how you wrote such a life like scenario.
y/b/n: thank you Carter <3
sebstan_fan: ok I now this is random, but what’s your favorite place to eat in New York?
y/b/n: ooh that’s tough. Let’s go with Lombardi’s since its the very first pizza place to open in the US
sebstan_fan: oh wow an excellent choice :)
*a couple weeks later*
You and your new tumblr friend have been talking about one another’s favorite hobbies and interests for the past few weeks. You feel like you have grown a new connection with your new friend and telling them about your shitty days at work. Today your best friend wanted to bring you with her and her boyfriend to some fancy restaurant. 
y/b/n: Carter, I’m practically third wheeling with her and her boyfriend. 
sebstan_fan: well that sounds awful. Where is she taking you?
y/b/n: idk to some fancy restaurant I’ve never heard of. Anyways she’s making me wear fancy clothes, but I just wanna wear my pajamas!
sebstan_fan: y/n come on. you gotta dress nice if other people are dressing nice too 
y/b/n: ughh ok I think I found something nice. *sends picture of yourself in an elegant dress* what about this?
Seb’s POV
Sebastian got a glass of water and sat back down on his couch. Unlocking his phone to see the new dm from you he spit his water out of his mouth wetting the coffee table in front of him. “HOLY SHIT SHE’S GORGEOUS!” he yelled aloud staring at his phone in awe of your beauty.
sebstan_fan: Y/N, you look amazing! That dress is literally making you glow!
y/b/n: stop you’re making me blush..my friend just pulled up. I’ll dm you later once this stupid night is over. 
sebstan_fan: alright have fun 
y/b/n: <3
Sebastian quickly called Mackie to tell him that you sent him a photo of yourself. 
“Dude, she is unbelievably gorgeous. I actually spit my water out all over my coffee table when I saw the picture. ” Sebastian said on the phone.
“Man you are so obsessed with her, it's kinda creepy.” Anthony replied through the phone.
“What? No man, we just clicked. We have a bunch in common and she’s really easy to talk to.” Sebastian gushed to his friend.
“Yeah, but she doesn’t know that you’re lying to her about your real identity. You’re like fucking Superman with a secret persona!” Anthony snickered at the man on the other line.
“Dude no, but I’ll tell her eventually that I’m me.” Seb replied back to Anthony.
“Well you better do it soon because I’m tired of hearing about you gushing over this woman.” Anthony huffed under his breath. “Anyways I gotta go so bye bitch.” 
Sebastian laughed at his friend hanging up the phone and heading to his room getting ready for bed. As he laid on his bed he couldn’t take his mind off of you in that dress. You were so open with sharing your life to him, a complete stranger, yet he couldn’t do the same.
*the next day*
y/b/n: Carter! I forgot to dm you once I got home, but that dinner was terrible. I hated every minute of it.
sebstan_fan: what happened? Also good morning :)
y/b/n: good morning, sorry if I woke you. But anyways my best friend and her boyfriend brought some dude to make it a double date and the guy was a complete douche. I couldn’t stand a minute being there.
sebstan_fan: damn I’m sorry to hear that. I bet if I was there with you the night wouldn’t have been so bad haha
y/b/n: creepy..jk But I bet we would have completely ditched my friend and her boyfriend lol
sebstan_fan: wait, I got an idea! I mean since we live around the same area why don’t we meet!
y/b/n: what like in person?
sebstan_fan: no through zoom, yes in person!
y/b/n: wow the sarcasm in this one, but that sounds like a lovely idea. I feel like I already know so much about you tho...
Sebastian huffed under his breath, “not everything.”
sebstan_fan: lol yeah but it’ll be different to meet in person. Anyways where should we meet?
y/b/n: lol that’s true. Well I know this small cafe that’s so cute and I heard they have pretty good pastries. It would be awesome to meet there :D
sebstan_fan: alright how about Saturday afternoon? You don’t have work right?
y/b/n: nope I’m off! but that sounds good to me! I’m so excited and nervous at the same time. Like what if you’re some creepy stalker...
Sebstan_fan: why would you accuse me of such a thing?!
y/b/n: lol you know i’m just messing with you. But I gotta go my friend is now calling me, probably about that douche from last night...but I can’t wait to see you Carter!<3
“Yeah, me too.” Sebastian said to himself smiling.
*Saturday*
You sat at the cafe where you told your new tumblr friend to meet you. You ordered a drink and once it was finished, you grabbed it and sat near the windows saving a seat for Carter. As you waited you pulled out your laptop and began on typing away a new fic idea drawing inspiration from the small cafe and the gloomy weather outside. 
“I’m sorry that seat’s taken...” you muttered to a man who pulled out the chain next to you, looking up at the figure. “Holy shit!” you exclaimed to the man who sat next to you.
“Shhhh...Please don’t say anything.” Sebastian whispered to you, sitting on the chair next to you and taking off his sunglasses.
“What? But how? You’re!? I can’t breathe.” you exclaimed erratically looking down at your drink.
“Hey, hey Y/N, just calm down and take slow deep breaths.” he said calmly placing his hand on your back.
“How the fuck do you know my name?!” you exclaimed again staring wide eyed at the actor. “Am I getting pranked or something? Where are the cameras?!” you nervously laughed looking around the empty cafe.
“No, you’re not getting pranked. It’s me Carter…” he said quietly rubbing the back of his head.
“You’re Carter?! I thought you were a girl!” you said looking into the man’s blue eyes.
“I may have lied about who I was, but I wanted to meet you.” he started as he stared down at the ground. “I didn’t want you to freak out knowing that it was actually me.” he said looking back up at you.
“Let me just gather my thoughts for a sec.” you said, putting your hand to your temples.
“Wait, why did you assume I was a girl?” he asked with a smirk.
“I don’t know! Carter is a unisex name.” you frantically said with a shrug. “And I mean most of my followers are female, so I just assumed you were one too.” you added grabbing your drink and taking a sip to calm your nerves.
“That makes sense I guess.” he said chuckling, looking out the big window of the cafe.
“This is so crazy that you are here. Sitting next to me and talking about my stupid tumblr blog.” you uttered. “Like you’re famous!”
“Yeah so what.” he looked back to you. 
“I mean aren’t you busy filming and stuff?” you asked the man.
“Nope, we just wrapped up the interviews a couple of weeks ago. I’m on vacation.” he said with a toothy grin, which made you blush. “Aww look she’s blushing.” he said sweetly towards you.
“Shut up. It’s not like I get to meet my favorite actor who I’ve had a crush on since forever sitting next to me and casually conversing with.” you muttered quickly hoping he didn’t hear your profession of love for him.
“You got a crush on me?” he smiled at you.
“Fuck you. I do not!” you exclaimed looking away from him.
“Aww I think you do.” he said, nudging your shoulder.
“Whatever.” you said under your breath trying to hide your embarrassment.
“Hey, I’m in awe too.” he began, which made you look at him. “It’s not like I get to see a beautiful woman who I like.” he smirked at you.
“I think I’m dreaming. Did you just say you like me?!” you asked pinching yourself back into reality.
“I mean yeah. I really like your work as a writer and the past what month we’ve been talking I think you’re a really cool and sweet person.” he said now blushing. 
“I bet you say that to all the women you meet.” scoffing at his comment.
“No I’m serious Y/N. I think you’re a really talented writer. And I think you’re also really pretty.” again blushing, but this time he looked straight at you.
“Oh, wow. Thank you so much Sebastian.” you hesitated, your cheeks heating up. “That means a lot coming from you.” you smiled.
“Of course. And also I wanted to ask you in person if after coming clear about who I actually am, if you wanted to go out sometime. I know its weird and all sudden but-”
“Yes!” you exclaimed quickly cutting him off. “I mean. I would love to.” you said more calmly. “God, I’m trying so hard to keep my inner fangirl in.” you huffed under your breath. 
Sebastian laughed at your comment and then asked, “Alright then. What about tomorrow I take you out for dinner?” 
“That sounds delightful.” you smiled at the man. The two of you fell silent watching the people who passed by the small cafe.
“Oh, but can I ask you one more question? Why are you wearing a hat? And shades earlier? It's legit rainy and cloudy as hell outside.” you asked, looking at the man with your head resting on your hand.
“I’m going incognito. I don’t want my fans to recognize me.” he replied, taking a sip of his coffee.
“Are you embarrassed of them seeing you with me?” you hesitantly interrogated.
“No, I just don't want them to interrupt our first date.” he responded with a smirk looking at you.
“Wait, this is a date?!” you exclaimed with wide eyes.
“Only if you want it to be sweetheart.” Sebastian smirked, winking towards you.
“Fuck you.” You said with a smile.
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A/N: Yay you finished! Was that good? bad? cheesy? lemme know lol Again if you wanna be tagged in future fics, have any requests or just wanna chat hit me up! Thank you guys for reading and I hope you get excited for more stuff to come.
Tags: @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @sebtheromanianprince​ @aquabrie @who-the-hell-is-sebastianstan​ @princess76179​ @anbrax5553​ @wintersoldierissucharide @caplanbuckybarnes​ @miraclesoflove​ @kitkatd7 @msgreenverse @saiyanprincessswanie​ @fandomsandxfiles @hailmary-yramliah @coffeebooksandfandom​ @thefallenbibliophilequote
^please lemme know if you wanna be added to future works or removed for tags^
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harryspet · 4 years
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obedience | bucky barnes
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[Warnings] dark bucky barnes x named oc, murder, and violence, non/dubcon oral and vaginal, outdoor sex, kidnapping, p/e/t play elements, bad google translate, implied agegap, mater/pet, lots of buildup, Stockholm syndrome(?)
A/N: I’ve been writing a bunch of Peter and Harry and kind of wanted to take a little break! This pretty much post endgame bucky. Sorry for any story inaccuracies! TRIGGER CONTENT AHEAD SO READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
In which Bucky kills her family of former Hydra members before taking her home as his pet.
Like, reblog and let me know what you think!
word count: 4.4k
Sam wanted him to let things go. Move on and focus on something else, he said. Sam thought it would be impossible to find any of them since it had been years since they were active members. The snap had given them a big enough distraction to escape. Bucky didn’t think it was fair that they could just disappear, change their names, and get to live another day after the destruction they had caused. 
Accept, they couldn’t stay hidden for long. It took months but Bucky finally tracked the small family to Manhattan. The German immigrants thought they could hide within the millions of citizens in the New York borough. They made several mistakes though only because they couldn’t get rid of the luxury they were used to. The daughter had a driver and bodyguard that took her to and from her private school. 
Bucky had cyberstalked her through her Instagram. The eighteen-year-old Senior posted a lot under the alias, Mina, that her parents had most likely given her. The Vogt family had turned into the Bradford’s of Manhattan’s elite class. The daughter didn’t go anywhere without her bodyguard, at least, that’s what her parents thought. Bucky noticed how she snuck out on Friday’s at the same time every week. 
How reckless could she be? Her parents are on the most wanted list in eight different countries. Teenage love was the only answer. Bucky saw the boy she met up with, a poor rockstar type, that gave her that rush of dopamine she desperately needed. 
Poor little rich girl.
Bucky purposely bumped into her while the couple was waiting for the subway, “Watch where you’re going, dude,” The boy spoke in a thick Queens accent. Her purse dropped and, because Bucky was dressed like a respectable man of society, the girl let him pick it up and hand it back to her. Their eyes met for a long moment and Bucky thought for a moment she was lost in his blue eyes. 
“Sorry about that, you two have a goodnight,” Bucky faked a smile as he walked away, tucking the girl’s apartment key into his coat. 
“Old creep, he was definitely checking you out,” Bucky heard as he walked away, a stoic look of determination on his face. 
+
Mina woke up frightened. She panted, looking around in the dark for the monster that was in her nightmare. Those striking blue eyes looked into the depths of her soul. Brandon had said the man was checking her out but he didn’t see what she saw. Hate. That man didn’t even know her and yet he hated her. 
Looking out the window across the room, Mina could clearly see the lights of the Manhattan Bridge. When they first moved here, her mother promised she would have an even better view than the master bedroom. They were still trying to get her to not be so upset about the move. Mina pulled back the fabric of her heavy duvet and decided she’d go downstairs to get some water. Her bare feet padded across the white carpet and she opened the doors that led into the hallway. 
As she walked down the hall, someone appeared around the corner, “What are you doing up so late, Miss Mina?” The maid asked, her hands full of towels that she was carrying to the linen closet. 
The maid looked over her, sweaty with tangled hair, clad in her polka-dotted robe and nightgown, “Just getting some water. I had a bad dream.”
The maid held out her hand, urging her to stop, “I can bring you some warm milk and cookies, you should go back to your room,” Something changed in the older woman’s eyes. If Mina wasn’t so tired, she might’ve thought the maid was warning her.
 “It’s okay,” Mina insisted, stepping forward, “You work too much-”
Before Mina could even step forward, the maid collapsed on her side. Blood splattered against the wall and Mina thought she saw pieces of her brain. A bullet had come from down the hall Mina was about to turn on to. Mina covered her mouth, backing away, as the man from the subway stepped around the corner. 
No mask. He didn’t plan on letting her leave alive.
Mina hurried backward, towards her room, but the man took off after her. As her fingers curled around the door handle, she felt metal wrap around her upper arm. She screamed loud, a piercing scream even louder than the gunshot, as she struggled against him. 
The man didn’t speak, just pressed the long tipped gun against the side of her head, “P-Please, please, don’t kill me,” She stuttered out, shutting her eyes shut tight, “Please!”
“Scream one more time and I’ll kill you,” The man jerked her away from the door. The man pulled her back towards the maid’s dead body and down the hall, he came from. Mina’s knees were so weak that she was struggling to walk beside him. She let out a whimper as she was forced to step over the maid’s body. 
“W-Why are you doing this?”
It couldn’t be because of the rude thing Brandon said, right? This was too insane for that. 
He had killed someone. Killed. 
The man dragged her into the room she knew as her father’s office. And despite the man’s order, Mina screamed again. Her mother was bleeding from her abdomen, laying flat on the old rug in front of his desk. The man let go of her arm and Mina ran to her. 
He killed her mother. 
As Mina touched her mother, she realized there was no life left in her. 
Her father was still alive, just bent over and handcuffed to his coffee table, “sie ist tot,” She heard her father say, his thick German accent coming through, “She’s dead. Thank the Winter Soldier for that.”
Mina looked up at the man standing over them, her face covered in tears, “Papa?” Her lips trembling, “W-What’s happening?”
Her father didn’t answer as he looked down, talking to himself, “Mashina. Belyy. Doroga. Svecha. Nebo …” He was spouting off random words in Russian and her anger and frustration only grew. 
The man stepped forward, slamming her father’s head into the table, “I’m not your puppet anymore, Vogt,” Her father laughed, blood dripping down his face. 
“I like your new haircut, Winter Soldier,” Her father teased which only resulted in a punch across the face, “It suits you.” 
“Papa!” She shouted to him, wanting him to stop antagonizing. His wife was dead and his daughter was at gunpoint yet he was teasing the man?  “Please stop hurting him!”
The man finally looked at her, “Your daughter is beautiful, Frank. Is that what you get when you make them in labs?”
Frank? That was not her father’s name. 
“What is it that you want? Money? Being Captain America’s best friend not pay much?”
+
Bucky tried not to show any emotion but becoming Bucky instead of Winter Soldier had its problems. He was still getting used to showing emotion. 
“I want you dead. For every single death that you cause. For the years of my life that you stole.”
Frank shook his head, “Don’t give me the bad guy/good guy spiel. Name your price, Barnes.”
Bucky scowled, tucking away his gun, “What if I said I wanted your daughter?” The girl's eyes widened, still holding onto her dead mother. 
“Papa?” Her father didn’t answer.
“I know what you think, Barnes, but I am not monster,” Frank spoke calmly. Too calmly, “I can give you my contacts, other members who escaped.”
Bucky narrowed his eyes at the man, “Give me an example, a name, and I’ll decide if it’s worth it.”
“... Viktor Vanzin,” Bucky grinned, pulling out his pocket knife. 
“You’re lying,” Bucky had killed that man himself. That meant Frank was truly out of the loop, “I want your daughter. A life for a life.”
“She’s innocent,” Frank continued. 
“So was I,” Bucky countered, waiting for a response. 
“Okay, Barnes. Life for a life,” As Frank finally nodded yes, Bucky thought the girl might faint. She went completely still, her heart completely broken. Bucky almost felt bad but he was really doing her a favor. 
“You evil fucking bastard,” Bucky cursed, moving behind the man and wrapping his arm around the man’s neck. Frank struggled as Bucky drove the knife several times into his stomach. He wanted him to slowly bleed out, to suffer. The man slumped back over the table, coughing up blood. 
He spoke his last words to her, “I-I’m s-sorry, schatz.”
Treasure.
She fainted. 
+
Mina awoke on a thin mattress in a cold room. She reached to clutch her robe but only found her thin, blue nightgown. She wrapped her arms around herself, the sound of her heart pounding flooding her ears, before quickly sitting up. She regretted it instantly, gaining a headache quickly. 
She looked around and found now windows. The walls were a boring beige and there were absolutely no decorations. Only one wooden chair in the corner. Bucky heard the commotion and walked into the room a few moments later. He found her standing, pacing around the locked room.
He expected her to be angry, to shout at him, but instead, he watched eyes well up with tears. He much rather she is angry then have to watch her cry, “Why didn’t you kill me?”
“You want to be in the afterlife with those evil people?”
“I-I’m evil too, remember?” She choked on her sobs. She remembered how her father was willing to give her over to this man in a trade for his life. She remembered how he died anyways and she was taken by this man too. 
“I haven’t decided that.”
“I know they must’ve done something bad to you but they … t-they were my parents,” She struggled to speak, “They loved me. Doesn’t that show some kind of humanity?”
Bucky leaned back against the door,  fingers brushing through his beard as he thought, “You truly don’t know who they really were?” She was silent, “They were top scientists for Hydra. They’re responsible for thousands of deaths and you … they lied to you.”
She shook her head, “No, they work in finances. They could never do that.”
“I think your father showed you his true colors in his final moments. If that doesn’t convince you then I don’t know what will.”
“Why didn’t you kill me?”
Bucky leaned forward, “So, even in death, they can look at you from the other side and feel no peace.”
“Please … please just kill me.”
“Where’s the fun in that, my little treasure?”
+
Mina hated her parents. 
She loved them because they were her parents and hated them because they were the reason this happened to her. She would never see them again, never see Manhattan or Brandon ever again. 
When Bucky walked into the small room later that day, he had a black box as well as a tray of food. Mina held her knees to her chest, staring at the wall, “Leave me alone.”
Bucky sighed, “I think you’re gonna need your strength,” Out of the corner of her eyes she could see his shirt was short-sleeved, his metal arm fully exposed. He set down the tray by her sad excuse of a bed. 
He waited but she didn’t move. Bucky gently placed down the box before moving towards her. She flinched away from him but he grabbed her leg, pulling her flat on her back, “No, don’t! Please don’t!” His metal arm wrapped around her throat and with a swift movement, he ripped off her nightgown. She was weeping again as he did the same with her bra and panties. She grabbed at his arm which was completely useless. 
When he was done, Bucky stood up, watching as she scrambled to cover up with her arms, “You’re sick!” 
Bucky tossed the remnant to the side, “Good girls get to wear clothes. Eat and I’ll think about getting you some clothes. I’m in control here, I won’t put up with your tantrums,” Mina stared at him and Bucky was relieved that she was scowling at him instead of crying, “Eat.”
Mina flinched at the sound of his voice but moved forward. It was heated up canned soup and a plastic cup of water. She was glad that he splurged on her. Sitting on her knees, she covered her breast with one hand and moved the plastic spoon with her other hand. 
It was lukewarm and not that appetizing but she ate most of it. Bucky had pulled the wooden chair closer and taken a seat, “C-Can I have clothes now?” Her face was completely red and, now, she found it hard to even look at him. 
“I’ll think about it in a few days,” Bucky answered simply, and, as it were even possible, her face fell even more, “Considering your reaction, it seems like a good punishment.”
“Why do you want to punish me?” Mina asked, her voice timid. Was not taking her from her family enough?
“Oh, doll,” Bucky’s face softened as he leaned forward in the chair, “I don’t want to punish you but you won’t be obedient otherwise.”
To Bucky, she was a prize. A product of all that he had done and all that he had overcome to get to this point. He had survived her parents and now he owned their lives as well as their daughters. He’d spit on their graves by making her loyal and obedient to him. 
“If I promise to behave, can I have some clothes?” Bucky grinned, thinking she was smarter than she looked. 
Bucky’s eyes went to the black box and he swiftly picked it up, “I have something else for you to wear. A temporary one until you graduate.”
“Graduate?”
“I’m thinking of calling it Bucky’s Reformatory School for Troubled Little Girls,” She couldn’t tell if he was joking but he seemed very proud of the name he came up with. He opened the box, pulling out a plain black collar with a single silver loop, “Crawl over here, pet. Let me put it on you.”
“Mr. Barnes, please-”
“Call me Master.”
It took Mina two months to even earn a pair of panties. And the panties he chose for her were skimpy, to say the least. 
Mina was used to being naked now and she was almost used to Bucky. He insisted on complete order in his house. They woke up at the same time every day, ate breakfast, Bucky went off probably to murder people and came back in the afternoon to torture her.
That morning, she sat at his feet, eating her breakfast from a plate on the floor. Apparently, she wasn’t allowed the luxury of eating at the table or even sleeping in an actual bed. It was her job to make the food, the way he taught her, and she wasn’t even allowed to enjoy it. 
She wasn’t sure exactly where this rustic house was and Bucky didn’t care to answer questions like that. It wasn’t like anywhere she had lived when she was growing up. Though it wasn’t the biggest it was quite homey and somewhere she probably would’ve liked if she weren’t stuck here. The place had a big porch and there were trees surrounding most of the property except for a pond she noticed one time. 
Bucky was going through his computer, looking at codes Mina couldn’t understand. It probably had something to do with whatever mission he had to go on today. 
Mina itched at her collar, a reminder that she was not yet perfect to Bucky. 
“Mina,” She looked up quickly. Every time she heard him say her name she hoped he’d say something along the lines of giving her freedom. It made her think about what would happen if she was free. Where would she even go? She didn’t have any more family and she’d be surprised if Brandon hadn’t forgotten all about her, “Dishes.”
She gave him a solemn look, standing up with her plate in her hand. She grabbed his too and she felt his eyes over her body. He seemed to resist his urges well. Mina knew he desired to touch her and it would be a matter of time before he violated her that way. 
She walked the dirty dishes over to the sink, still feeling his eyes on her as he sat at the kitchen table, “Do you want to do something fun today, pet?”
“What do you mean, Master?”
She heard his chair creak as he rose from his seat, “We’ll go into town. We’re in dire need of groceries.”
Bucky watched her carefully, wanting to see her reaction. This was all another test, of course, to see if he could trust her out in public. 
She turned her head and Mina almost smiled for the first time in a long time. He moved behind her and Mina focused back on the dishes, “Yes, yes, that would be very nice.” He smacked her hard on her bottom and Mina winced, “I mean yes, Master.”
She felt his body heat on her skin as she turned off the water, setting the dishes into a drying rack. As she turned around, Bucky grabbed her by her neck. Luckily for her, it wasn’t the metal one, “You’d be very grateful to me, right?”
Mina nodded as best as she could, forced to look into his eyes, “What would you do to thank me?”
Mina hesitated but not for long as she felt his hand tighten, “Whatever you want, Master.”
Bucky smirked, “Hmm, and if I wanted your lips around my cock? What would you say?”
He loved this, watching her squirm. She actually thought about it and she wasn’t strong enough to defy this. Throughout this whole process, she thought she’d be stronger than this. All she knew is she’d do anything to escape this house,  “I … I-If that’s what you wanted, Master.”
The accomplished look on his face told her enough, “Let’s get dressed then.”
+
The drive from the house in Bucky’s truck was shorter than she expected. That told her that she wasn't as far away from civilization as she originally thought. She watched all the road signs but she still couldn’t quite tell where she was. It looked to be maybe that they were in the South by the type of trees. 
It seemed to be a very small town with one main street and a few more buildings. 
She was wearing a pair of regular jeans that were a little too big for her and a black hoodie that only partially hid the collar. It was another reminder that she was not a regular person anymore. Perhaps she never was.
Bucky grabbed her hand as they walked into the practically empty Piggly Wiggly. He grabbed a cart with his other hand, greeting one of the old ladies behind the cash register. 
She was not to talk to anyone unless they addressed her and Bucky would kill anyone that she tried to ask for help. Violently, he made sure to add. 
She tried her best to enjoy what little freedom she had but her mind kept wandering back to what she had “promised” Bucky she’d do in return for this outing. 
“Can we get something to eat?” She blurted out, before whispering, “Master.”
Bucky thought for a moment, pointing out the brand of Milk he wanted, waiting for her to fetch it for him. 
“Want to spend even more time in my company?” She scowled on the inside but nodded anyway. 
Bucky chose a diner on the edge of town and they seemed to get stares from everyone inside as they walked in and chose their booth. Bucky looked around as if he wasn't used to being in places like this either. 
Bucky asked her what she wanted so he could order her, avoiding as much human contact as possible, “ … and a chocolate milkshake.”
“That might cost you extra later, Mina,” Her lips pressed down into a thin line. 
“Whatever you wish, Bucky,” It was brave, saying that when he couldn’t reprimand her. Bucky smirked, knowing what she was doing. 
Bucky proceeded to order for them, including the milkshake she wanted, “Can I use the bathroom?”
Bucky raised an eyebrow, “Do you think I was born yesterday?” Quite the opposite, she thought. 
Mina slouched back in her seat. It was only recently that she looked at him and actually thought he was attractive. Maybe they would’ve worked together if he weren’t so cruel. 
“Maybe if I pee my pants, someone will notice and-”
“Mina,” He practically growled her name, “Don’t ruin this opportunity I’m giving you.”
As the waitress approached with their food, Mina slowly slid the knife on the table into her lap and then the pocket of her sweatshirt. Bucky actually smiled at the waitress and she seemed to swoon. 
Mina enjoyed her milkshake and the two sat quietly for most of the meal. Bucky watched as she devoured her food and felt a little bit better about rewarding her. It had been a long two months but she was coming along a few more months, and she wouldn’t have a single thought that didn’t involve making Bucky happy. 
He grabbed her hand as they both went up to pay the check, “You two are a lovely couple,” Mina didn’t even react and the woman only smiled awkwardly, “Have a good night.”
“What do you say?”
“Thank you, Master.”
Bucky could sense the tension between the two of them growing as they got into his car. As they traveled down the dirt road, a feeling swept over both of them. A feeling of knowing and worry. Bucky put the car in park, sighing, “You’re clever but not clever enough, Mina.”
Mina froze, “Give me the knife. I won’t ask again.” Bucky’s words were sharp, demanding. 
Mina reached into her pocket and gripped the knife. As quickly as she could and with as much force as she could muster, she shoved into him. It only entered a few centimeters into the right of his chest but the motion stunned him. Mina opened her door and jumped out. 
It was one last valiant effort at her freedom. Bucky’s chest rumbled with anger as he opened his own door, causing it to almost fall off its hinges. He chased her as she ran into the treeline. Bucky was unnaturally fast and she was only a few seconds ahead of him. 
She didn’t even make it thirty feet before a metal arm wrapped around her waist and through her small body over his shoulder. She fought with the last of the strength she had as he brought her back over to the truck. 
“You have no one,” he threw her body down, pinning her against the front side of the truck, “No one except for me. Do you understand that?”
She nodded, trying to ease his wrath. He was bleeding, she could see it seeping through the plaid of his shirt, “No one else who’s going to give a shit about whether you live or die.”
“I’m sorry,” She whimpered but it wasn’t enough. 
By her shoulder, he forced her down to the ground. She didn’t move as he began to undo his jeans. She closed her eyes but Bucky roughly grabbed her chin, “Look at me!” She did as his erection sprang from his underwear. It pressed against her closed lips, “Open.”
Whatever gentleness he was previously going to give her was gone. He shoved his erection inside her mouth, instantly making her gag with how deep it went.  
He groaned as he moved inside her with animalistic lust. Saliva dripped down her chin and her eyes filled with tears from the lack of oxygen. He even pinched her nose shut to torture her further.
She’d grab onto his thighs for some sort of balance and he’d simply push away her hands, using her mouth like a barbarian. 
Bucky didn’t want to finish in her mouth, he hadn’t waited this long for that. He pulled her up from her position on her knees only to pull the jacket over her head. Luckily, there was no one around to see what was happening in his driveway. 
He turned her around swiftly before easily yanking down her pants and panties as well, He pressed her front into the hood of the car, positioning himself at her entrance. Mina’s body had betrayed her and Bucky could feel her wetness. 
“You’d enjoy this more if you weren’t so stubborn, pet.”
He entered her slowly and Mina cried out, the pressure incredibly intense. 
Bucky held her waist, dragging her body back onto him and then pushing it forward as he moved in and out. He grunted, noting how tight she was around him. It felt like they were perfectly matched together. 
Bucky sped up his pace, his hand reaching around to rub her sensitive bulb. She flinched from the touch but he could tell it was from the sudden pleasure. She was tightening around him and he could tell she was already coming. Bucky made a note about how sensitive she was. 
The first orgasm ripped through her, completing shattering her world in the process. How could she be turned on by this? Maybe what she felt had been wrong all along. She tried to hold in her moans but that proved futile quickly. 
Bucky wasn’t done with her yet, turning her back around to face him and lifting her leg so he could slide into her again. She looked tired from the first one, tears still staining her face. Bucky held her neck in his metal hand as he slammed into her a few more times. He finished inside her with his lips on hers. As he came, he removed his hand and he felt Mina return his kiss. They moved well together, his tongues brushing hers as it became sloppier. 
Mina was crying still, not because of the gagging but because she realized what Bucky said was true.
“I’m the only one you have,” He spoke, starting to kiss her chin and then her neck. She nodded vigorously in agreement. 
“I know, I-I know,” Her eyes didn’t leave his. 
Bucky pulled away, looking her over, loving how perfect she was, “Let’s get you in the bath, doll.”
+
Hope you enjoy this! I have another Sebastian fic called plaything and a bunch of dark Peter stuff. I’m currently trying to write a Bucky/Steve/Peter related Walking Dead AU so hopefully my idea for that works out lol. 
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Never Too Late 1
Warnings: noncon sexual acts (later in series)
This is dark!Steve Rogers and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Summary: You’re turning forty and life seems to be forging ahead on its one way track, that is until you meet Steve Rogers.
Note: No I don’t know when the next chapter will be up or why I’m posting. The last few days have been some of the worst of my life and everything’s fallen apart.
Thank you. Love you guys!
As always, if you can, please leave some feedback, like and reblog <3
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You thought thirty-nine was hard. You remembered it clearly, as if it was yesterday. A whole year. Another year. Gone. You greeted forty as you had every day. At your desk behind the ridiculous protective glass as you renewed licenses and issued permits. 
The same tedious, draining eight hours, the same dull co-workers, the same broken water cooler, the same sign flashing numbers as you beckoned forth the next impatient person. ‘What took you so long?’ ‘This is ridiculous.’ ‘Goddamn pain in the neck.’ 
No one wanted to sit in the old and stiff plastic seats just to get a terrible photo taken and have to wait even longer for the actual card to arrive in the mail. And you didn’t want to help. That became clearer the longer you were there. The job was thankless and dull. Like everything else in your life.
You left as you did every night. You promised yourself it wouldn’t be like your last birthday. No bottle of wine burning in your gut. No splitting headache the next day as you stared into the toilet bowl. Just a little treat that couldn’t possibly turn bitter.
And that was just like you. No risks, no spontaneity. The same old routine. You could hear mother’s voice then. ‘You’re too stubborn. That’s why you never held onto a man. You waited too long. Nothing is ever going to be perfect enough for you… for grandkids.’ Well, she had others. Your sister had a boy and a girl, and your brother was blessed with three daughters. More than enough for her. Unlike you.
It was raining. On your birthday. In the middle of summer. Typical.
You were soaked by the time you got to the train and hesitated to follow through on your planned sojourn. You got off a few stops before yours and climbed up to the street. The downpour slowed to a drizzle. You dipped through the automatic door and the air-conditioned grocer chilled your damp clothing.
You went to the refrigerated glass shelves of pastries and specialty desserts. A whole cake to yourself seemed exorbitant; not just on your stomach but your wallet too. They had single slices of cheesecake but only plain left. You wanted chocolate or strawberry or something that you would slightly regret.
There was a pretty cupcake; chocolate with mocha icing and a drizzle of dolce leche and some garish edible beads sprinkled over. You took the small plastic container and headed for the frozen aisle to grab a pizza; thin crust with cheese. The calories added up along with the years.
You paid for your measly meal and slightly ridiculous dessert and headed back out onto the street. Your flat slipped on the pavement and you steadied yourself with your other foot only for your toe to catch a crack in the pavement. You flailed and fought but in your usual graceless existence, there was little else you could do but resign to fate.
The plastic container was crushed beneath your chest atop the pizza box and your purse fell painfully down your arm as your knees scraped through your wool pants. Just your luck. Just your fucking luck! You cursed in your head and slowly pushed yourself off the mess, chocolate smeared across your blouse.
You wanted to cry. And scream. You wanted to disappear as the apathetic New York rush passed you by. As life passed you by. And the urge only got more intense as a shadow stopped before you. As your eyes glossed over the shoes and followed the long legs up a formidable figure. As the man with the golden hair knelt and helped scrape up the mess onto the pizza box.
“Oh my god,” You grumbled as you took it from him embarrassed. “You don’t have to--”
“Are you okay?” He asked.
“I’d really prefer it that you just…” You shook your head, you could barely look at him. “Just ignore me like everyone else. Please.”
“Come on,” He offered you his hand but you just stared. He grabbed your elbow instead and helped you stand. “I’m sure they have a dozen more--”
“It’s fine.” You swept past him and shoved the box and mess of plastic and icing into the trash. He followed you, barely evading other pedestrians as he did. “ I’m just… Thank you. I’m fine.”
You turned away and he caught your elbow again. He was strong. You turned back, annoyed with him as much as yourself. And now that you looked at him directly, he was familiar. And that was worse. You cringed and wiggled your arm free.
“Hey,” He let go and pointed down. “You’re bleeding.”
You looked and the knee of your pants had soaked through with blood. You sighed and shook your head. 
“It’s just… another nail in the coffin,” You huffed under your breath. “I’ll survive.” You assured him and spun away once more. “Happy birthday to me.” You grumbled.
You heard him behind you then felt him beside you as another New Yorker narrowly avoided him. You were starting to get angry and the humiliation curdled in your chest.
“It’s your birthday?” He asked.
“How--” You glanced over at him. “I...whispered that.”
“I have good ears,” He smiled.
“You would.” You frowned. “Well... Steve Rogers,” You announced as you crossed your arms and stopped again, a snarl hurled in your direction from a passerby. “You saved me. Your work for the day is done.”
“You know who I am?” He mused. 
“I might be clueless but not that clueless,” You said. “Look, thank you. I aready said it once.”
“Let me buy you a cake,” He said. “Then my job is done.”
You squinted at him. Long and hard. No man was ever this nice to you. Not without reason. And this was the Steve Rogers. The Captain America. He was every woman’s dream and every man’s envy. You were a forty year old hermit covered in rain and cupcake.
“Really, you’ve done enough.” You hissed. “I can’t--No.”
You marched away from him but he was relentless. He kept you from the subway as he rounded you and blocked your path.
“You seem like you’re having a bad day. Let me make it better.” He said.
“Why?” You asked. “You don’t know me.”
“Well, you know who I am. So we’re halfway there.” He smiled. “What’s your name?”
You tilted your head as you considered him. If you humoured him, it would be over sooner. You couldn’t imagine what urge drove him to his persistence. Was it a genuine need to be valiant? A compulsion? Pity? Maybe he amused himself with the pathetic missteps of others?
You gave him your name. Begrudgingly.
“There’s a bakery close to here. Established 1934.” He said. “I went to the opening with my mother.”
“You really don’t--”
“The more you insist I don’t, the more I want to,” He interrupted. “So, let me do something nice.”
You stared at him and the mist began to thicken. The rain drops bounced off the awning over the next storefront and ran down the aged brick of the neighbourhood.
“Come on, before you catch cold,” His hand was on your arm again. You let him usher you past the subway entrance; more eager to be out of the rain than anything.
The door rang as you entered. The bell was old and tinny and the inside betrayed its age. Not in a bad way. It was clean and smelled of bread and cloves. The hand painted cards lined before the trays of baked goods and the faded portraits of loaves and bundts were of another time. You felt old and not very all at once.
“Their black forest is good,” Steve said as he shook the rain off his thin jacket; if the rain hadn’t broken the humidity, he’d have been stolid. “Red velvet…” He looked at you. “French Vanilla.”
“Oh, do I seem vanilla to you?” You challenged as you turned to the display and avoided his eyes. 
“It’ll be nice. A treat to take home for the family.” He said. “Husband? Kids?”
You scoffed and bent closer as you read. Your glasses were at the bottom of your purse. A new prescription you were in denial off.
“I’ll take a slice of the cherry chip.” You said to the woman on the other side of the counter. “Please.”
“She’ll take the whole cake.” Steve reached in his pocket and pulled out his wallet. “My treat.” He slid a bill across as you stared at the floor. “No one to share with?”
“My cat died after Christmas,” You shrugged. “I suppose I could bring it in for my co-workers.”
He was quiet as the baker boxed up the cake. The tension between you thickened.
“I know it’s kind of… frowned upon to ask but--”
“Forty,” You interrupted. “A nice, even number, I guess.”
“Ah, a whippersnapper,” He nudged you before he took the cake from the banker with a thanks. “I think I’ve bothered you enough.” He held it out to you. “Happy birthday.” He glanced out the window as you accepted the box. “You should wait this thing out but…” He pulled up his hood and checked his watch. “I got a friend waiting on me and he’s not very patient.” He grinned. “And I was late when I ran into you.”
You watched him go. He swung the door open and the bell rattled again. The rain pattered off his hood as he shoved his hands in his pockets. He glanced at you one last time before he dove into the city crowd and sidestepped the splash of a passing car. You looked down at the dark green box.
Well, at least you could say it hadn’t been an entirely uneventful birthday.
🎂
Break was almost over. You spent your last few minutes in the washroom. You leaned closer to the mirror as you frowned. That made it worse. That new line around your lips… and the crow’s feet. Was that another grey poking through?
Well, it might help if you stopped scowling. You left your reflection behind and returned to your desk. You got settled and punched back in through your computer. The next number flashed across the screen facing the waiting room; G645I. You didn’t watch to see them stand and approach. You grabbed a pen and scribbled on a post-it as the shadow neared.
“And what are we here for today?” You asked as you finally looked up.
“License renewal,” The paper slid through the slot beneath the window as you blinked up at the familiar voice. “Ten years already.”
“Oh,” You took the form and turned to your monitor as you typed. 
Steve Rogers said your name as if to confirm your fears that after a whole two weeks, he still remembered the woman with cake smeared across her front. You bit your lip without thinking as you looked at him.
“Did you enjoy the cake?” He crossed his arms and leaned on the little ledge, as close to the window as he could get. You didn’t miss Gloria’s errant glances as she ignored her own applicant for yours.
“It was good. Thank you.” You focused on inputting his information. You hid your startled realisation as you keyed in 1918. Whatever they had given him, you wanted some. “I think Gary enjoyed it more. He’s just down at counter three.”
“You sure you’re forty?” He asked.
Your lashes flicked up and you rolled your eyes.
“Coming from you…” You muttered.
“Well, I had help.” He chuckled.
You carried on and scribbled across his form.
“I need you to back up to that line. Look at the camera.” You said tersely as you hit a few buttons. “No smiling.”
He couldn’t help a curve of his lips as he backed away but he squared his jaw and wiped away his amusement as he hit the marker. You focused the lens and took the picture quickly. His image appeared before you and you finished up the renewal as he stood at the window.
“Never really thought about Captain America needing a license,” You gathered up his copy and stapled it to the confirmation. You slipped it to him and his fingers somehow brushed yours beneath the glass.
“Even I have rules,” He kidded.
You narrowed your eyes at him and struggled not to shake your head.
“Three to six weeks,” You told him. “It’ll be in the mail. Keep that in your vehicle.”
“And… how was the rest of your birthday?” He asked.
You were quiet. You considered him and swallowed. You could hear the titters of your co-workers. You wondered how he didn’t, or perhaps he had learned to ignore it.
“Better,” You confessed. “Thank you again.”
“No, thank you,” He folded the paper and tapped it on the ledge. “You’re a doll.”
“A doll?” You echoed.
“Forgive me. My age shows.” He laughed. “You have a good day… take care of yourself.”
“You too, Mr. Rogers.” You said stiffly.
“Oh, and… as an elder, can I share with you something I’ve learned over the years?” He paused as his hand rested just on the other side of the glass.
“Sure,” You said.
“Sometimes you gotta break the routine. Do something fun. Something for yourself.” He backed away slowly. “Get a little wild.” Your brows drew together and he winked. “From one geezer to another.”
He turned and strode past the of chairs of impatient applicants. You took a breath and tried to shrug away your discomfort. It felt almost patronizing to have him talk to you like that. Like he knew you. Like he, the laboratory adonis, could relate to the paunch under your waistband or the slowly sagging skin on your arms. It was almost as if he had been rubbing it in.
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So......I saw a bunch of reblogs of Jenna Coleman in period clothing on my dash & immediately thought @fictionxlover is at it again but then I looked properly at the post & was shocked it’s you lmao
Lol. I feel like I should explain.
So I recently got a month’s free trial of Britbox over here, and while the catalogue is lacking the stuff I wanted to watch (that’s on US Britbox), I got it regardless to watch some stuff on it and it recommended me ITV’s 2012 miniseries of Titanic, which I haven’t watched since it originally aired back in 2012.
Now all I ever really remembered from the series apart from the Titanic sinking becuase its the Titanic, was that the miniseries had a high budget, high production, Julian Fellowes of Downton Abbey fame and high expectations which it didn’t live up to ratings and critically wise. But also all I ever remembered all these years was Jenna and Glen’s storyline as Annie and Paolo.
Like this was back when Jenna was Jenna-Louise Coleman and the only thing I had seen her in was her short stint as a student in Waterloo Road, I think that was in 2009? 2010?
So anyway, for the nostalgia for Annie and Paolo and how much I loved them in a short time, and also cause I watched a Laurence Fishburne documentary about the behind the scenes of the Titanic (which made me mad at people).
And I decided that when I was gonna watch this I wasn’t gonna get attached because I know what happens to Annie and Paolo (especially Paolo) and I’m like, I’m older now. I’m not gonna cry.
Wrong!
So 14 year old me only cried once, and that was when Spoiler! A lifeboat picks up Paolo and by the time it goes back to the other lifeboats where Annie is, she realises he’s dead and is like “We we’re gonna get married. I hope he knew that. I hope he knew I loved him”.
2021 me was getting chills in episodes 1 and 2, emotional in episode 3, which had most of the Annie/Paolo scenes so it was just the knowledge. And episode 4, I was a wreck. And this time I was crying over different storylines.
So three times I broke down in the episode.
1) When The Irish dad from Steerage manages to find his little girl (she jumped off a lifeboat onto the ship and left her mother and siblings because she’s afraid of the water and the lifeboat splitting) and he tries to open the gate to go up the stairs because he found her by a stairwell, but he can’t. So he’s like here’s what we are going to do. We are gonna sit here and hug and she’s like what about the water, and he’s like don’t worry about the water.
It was just that moment he realised that he can’t get his daughter out. Cause with him being a man, he probably thought there was a good chance he wouldn’t make it but wanted to make sure his fam did. But the realisation his daughter can’t be saved...I mean I don’t know why he couldn’t get out the way he came from but it was still sad.
2) Barnes/Watson. So they are the servants of a first class family. And Barnes has this affection for Watson, it’s like a playground pull her pigtails kind of affection. And it’s how made sure to find her and save her then gave her and letter of his appreciation. And we don’t see his body, the last we see of him is when the Titanic starts sinking and a lot we’re trying to hold on the collapsible that they wasn’t about to turn in time. But we never see him again but we get Watson reading his letter on the lifeboat where it’s revealed to contain his Will which had been witnessed by two passengers and he’s pretty much given everything to her (not much) and that there’s a small cottage for her father to live in and all he asks is that she thinks of him sometimes.
3) Then as you can guess, anytime Paolo appears and then when Annie finds Paolo and it’s too late. Also his brother Mario survives and I loved the brief relationship we see of the Sandrini brothers but Mario didn’t have a subplot, not like Paolo.
I would watch a spin-off around Annie and Paolo where a Londoner and Italian immigrate to America in the early 20th century, trying to make it big and start a new life. They were both such innocent characters, Paolo with his big dreams, wanting a better life while Annie doesn’t have dreams and is content with what she has and makes the best of a situation.
The miniseries as a whole, isn’t the best telling of the Titanic. There are too many characters and subplots going on and it’s all brief. Plus because it’s a Fellowes piece you have Class issue. Like the problem was the First Class stuff was the weakest stuff and that opened the series. The lowest class stuff (The workers, officers, the Irish family and servants of first class) was more interesting.
Also it was how Fellowes decided to tell the story. So the first three episodes tell the same days (From boarding the ship to hitting the iceberg) but from different perspectives, so the first episode focuses on the First class, the second episode is more Second Class (and a bit of steerage) then the third episode is more Steerage.
So because of this method of storytelling to try and be fresh, it kind of doesn’t work because everything is rushed. Because everyone only gets one episode with significant develop and it takes across 4-5 days and it just feels rushed whereas it could have been paced more across the 4 episodes. Like I would have liked more Annie/Paolo. And they don’t feel rushed even though they meet and Paolo proposes cause you feel like he’s an innocent, naive character, like he feels like he knows she is right for him and doesn’t want to waste time. Then Barnes/Watson they have that backstory and is more what’s between the lines with them. But then you have this romance storyline between the fictional Georgiana and the real life Harry Widener and it falls flat and feels rushed as they are sharing love declarations so quickly. While the subplot with the Steerage Irish wife being so cold to this man in Steerage then later on it’s revealed that it’s because she and him have an attraction and feelings and kiss, it feels very left field and I felt zero chemistry. Plus he turns out to be a cop killer on Wanted posters.
Like for that kind of storytelling with only 4 episodes, there are too many characters to follow. Like it would have probably been better to tell the story with every episode covering a day on the Titanic.
I will say this it did feel a bit more real rewatching that I do watching the James Cameron film in recent times. Cause the 1997 film is kinda lost in the epic romance of Jack and Kate and a lot of fictional characters. But the miniseries, I think the romance and drama is more subdued, the only one that felt a bit off for me was the serial killer and wife of an Irish fam falling in love/being attracted to each other. Like the scenes were they try to get passengers off the titanic and the political power plays, the mistakes made by the Titanic crew in dealing with the disaster as well as preparing for its maiden voyage, and the moment the ship starts to go down the water starts hitting the deck, it felt a bit more realistic and less spectacle than the Cameron film.
And I haven’t rewatched Titanic the film recently but I liked how they addressed the actions of some of the real life people like Ismay jumping on a lifeboat last minute to save himself. Molly Brown and the women taking charge of a lifeboat and turning back for more survivors, Lightoller getting passengers on the boat and trying to get women and children first, and also the mistakes made with the first boat not being full. Him being afraid boats might split. Then when the ship sank the men holding on and climbing on top the overturned collapsible. Jack Thayer and this other guy agreeing to jump and swim to a boat as soon as it starts to sink. And then the Duff-Gordon’s (I believe that’s there name) deciding not to go back to look for more survivors and bribing the sailor and all the people on their half-empty lifeboat with £5 each if they don’t go back. The only one I wasn’t big on was Harry Widener’s rushed romance with a fictional character.
Anyway I’ve gone off. I mentioned to Autymn that I started rewatching it and I think she’s never seen it or heard of it despite claiming to be a period hoe and a Jenna stan. I think after episode 2 I was telling her a bit more about my nostalgia for Annie and Paolo or Desdrini as I’m coining it now (It’s either that or Pannie or Sandmond), and how I know it’s not gonna end well. Then by episode 3 I was recapping why was going on cause she lost it at the serial killer cop killer reveal with one of the characters, and then I was wondering if their was gifs, clips or pics on Tumblr because I wanted to explain how cute they were and how pure Paolo was and how he was too innocent to die. And off I went into the rabbit hole sending them to her and also reblogging it.
Now I’ve gone down that rabbit hole, while it’s great to see Jenna thriving in British TV dramas in more leading roles now and not supporting. I can’t watch anything of Glen’s cause most of his stuff is Italian and not on Netflix etc and a lot of his TV roles are more recurring or guest roles. Not much leading etc. Who knows, maybe if the show was a bigger success, more opportunities might have come out of it.
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lilulo-12fanfiction · 4 years
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Shadow of The Day
So this one was requested by @fandomaestheticxo . Bucky Barnes x Reader with Prompt "Don’t leave me”
Hope you enjoy! It kind of ends abruptly, but I wanted to get this out and if I didn’t end it, it would go on forever. As always reblogs, comments & likes are always appreciated. Please let me know if you would like to be tagged in this or any of my other work
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“SAMMY!!!!” You screamed as you ran across the rooftop. “Are you close to the south end building?”
  “I can be.” You heard his voice come through your ears. “Why?”
“Because you’re going to have to catch me!” You screamed as you turned and jumped backwards off the building. You said a silent prayer that he got to you in time. But you’d rather die at your own hands than Hydra. They weren’t kidding when they said “Cut off one head and two more grow in its place.” Ever since Thanos had been defeated, Steve Rogers had officially retired and the world lost Tony and Natasha...they had creeped back up. They had thought they stood a chance now that some of the major players were gone. They couldn’t have been more wrong. 
The Falcon had taken over the mantle of Captain America and with the help of The Winter Soldier had formed a new set of Avengers. Even with Thanos gone, the world wasn’t safe. It seemed like Hydra, the worst of the worst thought they stood a chance with the change of command. TI were happy to have another team to serve with. Working with Tony Stark, Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff has been an honor and a privilege. You, Sam and Bucky had fallen into a comfortable team. They bickered, you drove Bucky Barnes crazy but the three of you were a team. You were THE team. You trusted the two men implicitly and you’d lay your life down for both of them.
You felt your stomach in your throat as you plummeted towards the ground. You were immediately questioning the decision you made. The moment you thought it was all over you felt the back of your legs and upper body cradled. You opened your eyes and saw Sam Wilson grinning.
“That was a ballsy move.”
“I wasn’t letting them get their hands on me.”
“You know he’s loosing his shit right?”
“I’m sure.” You rolled your eyes. Sam set you down on the ground.
“They’re dead.” You heard in your ear. “They offed themselves when I was about to capture them. Meet me at the jet.”
“Want a ride?” Sam grinned at you and scooped you up after you nodded.
_________________________________________________________ Bucky paced back and forth on the quinjet. Your recklessness weighing heavily on his mind. How many times had you unnecessarily risked your life? How many times had you ignored a direct order? Sam may have found it endearing- he found it infuriating. He cared too much about you to let you get yourself killed for no reason.
Steve had warned him. Steve knew how you were. Steve had told him you were fearless. Bucky just hadn’t expected you to be this careless. He often wondering if your blasé attitude when it came to your own life was a direct result of all you had lost since Thanos...and before Thanos. You had picked yourself up by the bootstraps, survived Hydra captivity and made a new family with the original Avengers. You had made a home with Tony and Pepper. And then Thanos came and when it was all said and done you had lost everything again.
Steve had hesitated going back to Peggy because of you. You had assured him you would be okay. Steve deserved a happy ending. He deserved to have the life he wanted away from the fight. “After all”, you had said, “you won’t be dead and you’ll come back”. You had promised Steve you were okay. Bucky had promised to take care of you. But lately, it was like you didn’t care what happened to you. You had thrown yourself in front of a bullet, taking it in the shoulder instead of Bucky. The Winter Soldier, a super soldier who was almost invincible. He would have shrugged that bullet off. You goaded Hydra soldiers into attacking you, you loved making them mad, which was playing with fire. And then today, you jumped off a building without knowing how close Sam had been. Another few moments and you would have been spread across the pavement. Then what would he have done? How would he and Sam have coped with THAT loss? How would he explain to Steve that he failed to do the one thing he promised- to keep you alive?
A year after Tony’s Funeral:
You had been working with Pepper to rebuild the compound. Tony had become your mentor after he and Steve had their falling out. It had been difficult to go against Steve, but you had sided with Tony on the Accords. You were there when Tony found out that Bucky had killed his parents. You had held him up after Steve’s betrayal. The truth was, Tony had held you together after Steve had left too.
Now the only thing you could do to honor the man who had become your family was rebuild what he had made. You had a memorial created for Tony and Natasha on the grounds. You went to it every day and cried. A year later and you still weren’t over the deaths of two of the people you loved most in this world. Your only saving grace was that Steve Rogers, the man you saw as a brother, was still alive and had gotten his happy life with Peggy.
You saw him as you approached. He had cut his long hair. He looked like the pictures Steve had shown you. His vibranium arm covered by his jacket and glove. You could feel the regret radiating off of him. You and Bucky had fallen into an easy friendship, though you were certain he saw you as a pain in the ass. You knew he felt responsible for you since Steve was gone. You had overheard him promise to keep you safe. The two of you, however, hadn’t become friends that shared their inner feelings yet.
“He forgave you, you know.” Bucky turned and gave you a questioning look. “Tony. He forgave you. He and I talked a lot about it after Steve went on the run. It took a while, but he did. I told him what it was like being a prisoner of Hydra. Once he got over the shock and the pain of it- he forgave you. He wanted to be able to tell you that. But then Thanos did what he did. Then Tony did what he did. And now here we are. For him, it was more Steve. His betrayal. If Steve had been honest with him, things would have turned out differently. Steve and Tony made amends. I’m certain that if Tony has lived, then he would have made amends with you too Sergeant Barnes. He forgave you. Forgive yourself. You need to let The Winter Soldier go. You’re a good man Sergeant.”
“And how do you know that?”
“Because Steve Rogers told me you were. And that man was never wrong. You need to forgive yourself. Tony would want you to. And you’ve already made your amends by helping me rebuild what Tony, Nat and Steve made. I’m digging the hair cut by the way.” You shot him a wink and didn’t give him the chance to respond before you walked away. He never told you, but that day you helped him say goodbye to his complicated past and look towards his future.
The next year was filled with witty banter, flirting and kicking ass. You had seemed to have it together at first. It was more recent that you seemed to be falling apart. Maybe because the 2nd anniversary was coming, maybe it was being involved with Hydra again; or maybe the exterior armor you had worked so hard to build so no one could get in had officially cracked. He was so angry. How could you not care more about yourself? How did you not realize how much you meant to him? He heard you and Sam approaching the jet and got busy getting ready to take off, trying to control his temper. He didn’t want to have a screaming match with you. “Nice work Buck.” Sam patted Bucky on his shoulders.
“You too. We’re just no closer to what they want.” Bucky narrowed his eyes at you and immediately went to the quinjet controls. You were expecting him to rip into you. You didn’t know which was worse, his wrath or his silence. You knew the wrath would eventually come.
“Y/N has an idea.” Bucky turned and raised his eyebrows at you, his face laced with attitude.
“I think they want Steve. I overheard them talking about ‘The Captain’. All they know is that he’s retired. They don’t know that he went back in time to live a life with Peggy and came back over 100 years old.”
“What would they want with Steve?”
“They want more Super Soldiers. You’re their only successful soldier. They may have enhanced me, but I’m no Super Soldier.”
“That’s funny because you act like you are.” You took the jab and continued your thought. He was trying to bait you. It made him feel better to yell at you, but he didn’t want to feel guilty later. Pushing you into a fight was the only way for him to not feel guilty.
“I think that Hydra thinks they can get the jump in him. If they can get his blood they might be able to recreate the serum. Technology is more advanced now. They could do it. And Sergeant-  just so you know, before you make any other comments or decide to scream at me when we get back. I owe Steve Rogers my life. He saved me. If Hydra finds him now, he’s not what he used to be. They could take him. I will DIE before I let Hydra torture me into telling them where he is. And I won’t die at their hands.” Bucky clenched his jaw and turned to the controls of the jet.
Around the events of “Age of Ultron”
“She’s an enhanced. Hydra made her. How do we know they didn’t plant her here to take us down from the inside.” Clint had his arms crossed in front of him. “He has a point Cap.” Bruce had been trying tofigure out what your abilities were, but you wouldn’t let him near you. Tony was tight lipped, Bruce had a feeling he knew.
“She wouldn’t have been locked up like that. You saw her, they tortured her. You can’t fake that look in her eyes. And she would have attacked. She’s been alone with enough of us. Bruce, you of all people should understand being misunderstood.She can stay on my floor. I’ll keep an eye on her if it makes you feel better, but I trust her. She needs someone to show her kindness.”
“I’m with Cap. She’s telekinetic, by the way. If she wanted us all dead she would have flattened us. She stays. And once she’s bounced back mentally we give her the choice to fight with us and learn to use her skills or I set her up with a nice quiet life.”
“I want to fight.” Your voice was hoarse. Your lip was healing from being split down the middle. Various other injuries were apparent.
“Y/N- you don’t need to decide now.“ Steve rushed over to you.
“Hydra killed my family. My Uncle was a scientist for them and he let an enhanced go. He didn’t know what he was getting into until it was too late. He felt guilty and letting their subject go was the right thing to do in his eyes. They wanted someone young, so they went after the only child he was related to and loved. They made him watch as they murdered my parents and my Aunt. They made him watch as they abused me, broke me and finally injected me and then they killed him. I’ve seen the evil they have put into this world. I need to help fix that. I need to fight back.” You had become an Avenger that day and never looked back.
Bucky had his arms crossed in front of him. He was still not ready to let go of the days events. Sam has gone off to update the mission files. You and Bucky stood toe to toe in the terminal. Sam had felt the conflict brewing and wasn't in the mood to referee the two of you, he was tired.
“Why didn’t you use your powers?” He questioned you like you were a child. You threw your hands up in exasperation.
“I was running across a roof top that had NOTHING to throw at them. And I was running! My aim isn’t great while moving. I can’t move people, you know that! I never got that far in my training with Tony. He thought I was powerful enough to do it." You felt your voice getting shrill. Bucky was the only one that could bring that out in you.  "But then Thanos happened and Tony came back broken. He left. And then when he came back again, he died! Nat is gone. Thor is off in space. Bruce and Wanda are off grieving their losses. Steve is gone. Everyone is GONE!” You were crying and yelling at the same time. Bucky hadn’t meant to upset you like this. He was just so damn upset and scared that you would get yourself hurt or dead. Your voice was quiet and low when you continued,  “Everyone is gone but us. And Sam isn’t equipped to help me train. Neither are you.  You don't have the patience to help train me. And none of us are a smart as Tony was. Not even Bruce. He knew exactly what to do to bring me to the next level. To bring out my abilities. None of us that are left have that talent. Steve might have been able to, but well, he chose a different path. And I’m glad that he did.” You wiped a stray tear. “I will die before they ever get me again. I will NEVER go through that again. I can’t go through that again. You of all people should understand that. And I will protect Steve Rogers with my last breath.” You turned on your heel and stormed out of the room, ignoring Bucky calling your name. You only paused for a moment.
“I promise you, on my life, on your life, I wont let them take you. They will never get their hands on you again.” You continued walking down the hall. Bucky stood there for a few moments after you had gone, hoping you’d come back.
_________________________________________________________
2 Weeks Later
You had taken a mission hiatus. More like a Bucky Barnes hiatus. You had been avoiding him since your last argument. You hadn’t been able to settle down from it. You were having horrible nightmares. Emaciated Tony Stark haunted your dreams. Bucky had did everything he could to get you alone so you could talk again, but you weren't having it. You told Sam you needed a couple of weeks out of the field to get your head straight. He wasn't sure what had gone on between you and Bucky in that hallway, but he didn't ask. You were still upset and he knew you didn't want to talk about it. So while he and Sam went off to fight more Hydra members, you decided it was time to take care of Steve Rogers and make sure he was safe. You had heard more rumors that Hydra was on the hunt for Steve Rogers. There was no way in hell you would let them lay a finger on him.
“I don’t need anyone to protect me.” Steve was still Steve.
“Steve. They’re after you. You’re like 200 years old now. I really think they could take you.” You had a hand on your hip. He knew that look too well.  He knew when he could reason with you and when your stubbornness was going to make his life hell. He knew he wasn’t going to get his way. “New Asgard is nice. Valkyrie is a bad ass. I trust her to make sure they can’t find you. Please. Just until we can get a handle on this. I can't focus out there if I'm worried about you. Wondering if they're just distracting us because they figured out where you were and they wanted to make sure we were too busy to help you. They don't know that you're an old man now. Let's keep it that way.” 
It was still alarming to see Steve this old. While his appearance may have been overall different- his eyes, his warm and kind eyes, were still the same.
“Okay Doll. If it makes you feel better. But you have to do something for me.” 
You raised both of your eyebrows at him, which encouraged him to continue. “Be more careful. Take less risks.  Cut Bucky some slack. He cares about you. He just isn’t great at expressing it. He used to be...before...but they changed him.”
“I told him-“ Steve held his hand up to silence you.
“You and I both know that you’re reckless with your life because you think you’re not worth caring about. You think that now that Tony is gone you don't have a place in the world. Nat is gone. And I might as well be gone. I get not wanting to go back to Hydra, but this isn’t new. You've always been reckless with your own life.  You need to realize how much you’re worth. Sam and Bucky, they depend on you. You guys are a family now. You mean a lot to Bucky. More than you know. Be more careful, if not for them, for me. I’m not there to watch your back anymore.” 
You blinked back a few tears, gave Steve a rushed kiss on the cheek. “Sure thing Captain.” You quickly made your way out of his small home in New Asgard. You didn’t like how emotional he and Barnes made you feel with their speeches and concern. 
Steve sighed and ran his hand down his face. He knew you were still struggling with the loss of everything. A small part of him felt selfish for not making sure you were really okay before he went and got his happy ending. He didn't know how to reach you, how to help you heal. He pulled his phone out and dialed Bucky to give him a heads up. Bucky had been concerned about you as of late, Steve was starting to see why.  _________________________________________________________
That night you were standing in the balcony of the compound drowning your feelings in a cheap bottle of champagne. It was a little chilly for early May. You stood in a pair of leggings and a grey waffle knit sweater you were sure had been Bucky’s before you washed it and accidentally shrank it. You hadn’t heard any news about their mission from that day but assumed no news was good news. You could hear music from a party in the distance.
“Can’t be that bad sweetheart.” Bucky’s voice made you jump. He was reminiscent of the Bucky Barnes you had heard stories about.
“Jesus...” you held your hand over your rapidly beating heart. He operated in stealth mode 24/7. He scared you more times than he didn’t. “You need to wear a bell. What isn’t that bad?” Bucky had a gleam in his eyes, one you didn’t often see.
“You only drink $10 champagne out of the bottle when you’re upset.” His head nodded at the uncorked bottle sitting on the patio table. “We’ve been a team long enough for me to know your tells. Nice shirt by the way.” He was smirking at you. If you squinted hard enough, he was definitely flirting.
“Sergeant are you drunk?” He laughed.
“I have to be drunk to be in a good mood?” He stepped closer to you. You had your back against the high railing. He technically had you blocked in, not that you felt the need to bolt from him, not yet anyway.
“Um yeah. Wait- you can’t get drunk.”
“Thor may have sent some supplies from a far away land. He knows my pain of not being able to get drunk on cheap booze. Unlike some people.” He was looking down at you, ghost of a smile on his face, teasing tone. “Sam and I had a good mission. We were celebrating. We wanted you to celebrate with us but we couldn’t find you.”
“I’m honestly not really in the mood for celebrating.” He closed the space between you by another few steps. You felt goosebumps when he tucked a piece of hair behind your ear.
“And you say I’m the broody one. What’s getting to you sweetheart?” Normally any man that called you pet names like that would be digging their scrotum out of their throat. But from Bucky and Steve it was different. They didn’t mean it in a condescending way. From Bucky it was kind of endearing.
“Relocated our senior citizen Super Soldier today. He just said some stuff that stirred things up.” Bucky’s ice blue eyes bore into yours. You could tell the moment the music from the roof top party across the compound where lower level agents were hanging out pulled at his attention. He cocked his ear towards the right.
“Dance with me.” You scoffed.
“What?” He put his hand out for you to place yours in his.
“I’m actually a great dancer. I used to go dancing all the time. Dragged poor Steve on all of these double dates.” He stared at you expectantly with his hand still out. With pursed lips and an eye roll you placed your hand in his. He pulled you close to him while he held your one hand in his and placed the other on the small of your back. That feeling of his hand holding your body close to his felt like a puzzle piece finding the right place. You rested your free hand comfortably on the nape of his neck. You felt selfconcious under his gaze. He was a really good dancer.
“I kind of like this side of you Sergeant. Carefree.”
“I’m slowly getting back to who I was from what they made me. I actually have you to thank for that.”
“What do you mean?”
“The day you came up to me, told me Tony forgave me. That helped me more than you know. If he could let go of what I had done, then I could too. You set me free.” He whispered the last sentence in your ear. You felt the heat rise to your cheeks. “I wish I could set you free too.”  You gave him questioning eyes and he continued. “I know that Tony and Nat’s deaths still weigh on you. I know they and Steve were family to you. I know you miss them. But Tony- he would want you to move on. Be happy. That’s why he did what he did. So you, Pepper, Morgan, Peter and everyone else could live on.” His grip on you tightened when you tried to yank yourself from his arms. You turned your head to the side and he sighed. 
“Look at me Y/N. Please look at me.” You slowly turned your head back to meet his eyes. “You bring so much value. This team needs you. Sam needs you. I- I need you. You make me feel things I did t think I would ever feel again. You’re everything Y/N. Please don’t destroy yourself. I can’t imagine living in a world without you in it." 
You both jumped apart when you heard knocking on the glass. Sam Wilson was doubled over laughing at how he had scared the two of you. You took the opportunity to slip away from Bucky.
"Y/N... wait."
"Good night Sergeant ." And then you were gone. You had felt something stirring between the two of you. Bucky Barnes was a good looking man, and when he wasn't in mission mode, was the most charming man you had ever met. Even more so than Steve or Tony. Being that close to him, letting him in, letting anyone in terrified you. Every time you let yourself get close to someone, you lost them and they took a piece of you with them. Pretty soon, there wouldn't be anything of you left. You had to keep Bucky at a distance.
_________________________________________________________
Bucky was pacing the length of Steve’s living room. It was like watching a ping pong ball. As much anguish as Bucky was in, Steve Rogers couldn’t help but to be thrilled. This was HIS Bucky. This man was a far cry from The Winter Soldier Hydra had created.
“Buck- take a breath.”
“I’m an idiot Steve. It was too much too fast. I mean, we’ve always had this flirty banter. But I told her she was everything. I mean what was I thinking? She’s like a baby deer, anything too loud or bright and she bolts.”
“Y/N cares about you. I’d even venture to guess she feels the same way about you as you do her.” Bucky gave him the ‘I’m going to argue’ look, before he could start Steve continued. “Hear me out. I see the look in her eyes when she talks about you. I’ve seen her protect you, a man near invincible, when on a mission. She’s just scared. Loosing Tony did a number on her. Don’t give up on her.”
“And if you’re wrong?”
“Well then Buck you can retire with me and we can go to Asgardian Bingo.” 
Bucky cracked a smile. “You’re still a punk.”
_________________________________________________________
“Y/N!” Sam was barreling toward you. “You can’t blow off any more missions.”
“Sammy I’m sorry. I just need more time.”
“I can’t give you more time. Look I don’t know what’s going on between you and Barnes. You’re avoiding him and he’s mopey. But you need to get over it. Get your shit and get your shit together. This is a huge lead on Hydra’s current leader. Wheels up in 30.” Sam stalked out of your room without waiting for a response.
“Dammit.” You signed, knowing Sam was right and knowing you couldn’t avoid Bucky forever. And the idea of getting your hands on the current leader of Hydra was too good to pass up. You grabbed your suit out of your closet.
30 minutes later you were walking onto the quinjet. Bucky looked up and was genuinely surprised to see you. Sam must have thought you weren’t coming.
“Good to see you Doll. Thought you had quit.” He circled around you, staring you down.
“Just wanted some space.”
“You were hiding. Worse you were hiding from me. Why?”
“I’m sorry. Bucky I can’t. This...I can’t do it.” You turned so your back was facing him.
“No. You’re not pushing me away. There’s something here, between you and me. We do this mission and then we are having a serious conversation about us.” Bucky gestured between the two of you.
“Buck-“ you started but Bucky cut you off again.
“Listen- I get it. You’ve lost everything, twice. You’re scared. I’m a survivor. I’m not going anywhere.” He was standing so close you could feel his breadth on the back of your neck. The tiny hairs on your body were standing on end. “Y/N- you make me feel alive. I’m not turning away from that.” Before Bucky could say anything else, Sam climbed aboard the quinjet.
“Good we’re all here. Now let’s get this son of a bitch.” _________________________________________________________
This was an ambush. They had planted the intel to lure the 3 of you to where they wanted you. You were still kicking their asses, but you were running on empty. Using your abilities drained you and you felt a mind numbing migraine quickly approaching. You knocked the Hydra soldier charging at you in the head with a lead pipe knocking them out.
“Y/N you okay?” Sam sounded frantic. You had gotten separated from them early on. You had been internally freaking out but kept pushing forward. You hit your comm.
“Yeah I’m good. I think I just took out the last one over here. I’m going to start making my way to the South East entrance to get the hell out of here.”
“Y/N- please be careful. We will meet you there.” You heard Bucky’s gruff voice. You felt a flood of relief hearing him.
You pulled the hand gun from your holster and slowly made your way through the building. You didn’t remember running this far in, but then again you had been focused on staying alive. You were about to hit the pavement outside when you heard him before you saw him.
“Hello Y/N” his heavy Eastern European accent hung on your name.
“Agent Tordova” You swallowed hard. This man haunted your nightmares. He murdered your family, everyone you loved. Tortured you. Tried to make you into a monster.
“Did you say Tordova?!” Bucky’s voice boomed in your ear piece but you were too frozen to answer. You could hear his feet pounding on the pavement. He must have been running to find you. He knew what this man had done to you.
“It’s been a long time Y/N.” Her circled around you like a hunter circles its prey. “I must say, Avenging agrees with you. I was sorry to hear about your mentor Tony Stark. Another loss for poor Y/N.” You wiped a tear that slipped from your eye as it ran down your cheek. “Always so weak.” He stepped closer to you.
“Don’t you listen to him Y/N. Don’t you dare let him get under your skin.” Bucky was out of breath, clearly still running.
“Where is Captain Rogers?”
“He’s on vacation. Sorry.” Your voice was clipped. You didn’t even get a chance to flinch and his hand was around your throat, squeezing.
“That smart mouth always got you into trouble.” You kicked him in the gut and stumbled away.
“There is nothing you can do to me that will make me give up Steve Rogers location. Nothing.”
“I don’t know darling, I made you crack once or twice.”
“I’m a hell of a lot stronger now than I was back then.”
“That may be true, but there is nothing here for you to hurl at me.” He was cocky as ever. He lunged at you again this time he had you in a head from behind.
“Get your filthy hands off of her.” Relief flooded your body. Bucky promised he’d never let Hydra get their hands on you again, and here he was.
“The Winter Soldier. Our greatest creation and biggest loss. What were the words again?”
“You could say them a thousand times, your programming has been wiped.”
“Well then let’s make a deal. I let the beautiful Y/N go, relatively unscathed and we will leave Steve Rogers alone. You come with me.”
Bucky could see the fear you were trying to hide. But your eyes were wide and your breathing was erratic. Normally calm in any storm, this man had destroyed your life and nearly destroyed you.
“What do you need me or Steve for?”
“To make more soldiers. I just need all of your blood, that’s all.” You had an unreadable expression on your face. Bucky was proud that you had figured it out. Before he or Tordova could say anything else you had elbowed him in the stomach, the fight back in your eyes. Sam came in from the other side about to grab Tordova when Bucky saw your stumble back and the horror full Sam’s eyes. It had all happened so fast, he couldn’t stop it from happening. He and Sam rushed to you as Tordova made his escape.
“Y/N?!” Bucky cradled you in his arms. He saw the blood pooling from your stomach. He started to put pressure on the stab wound. Sam was calling for help. They needed to get you out of here fast.
“Bucky...I’m sorry.”
“Shhh, save your strength. Medics will be here soon.”
“No listen, I’m sorry I pushed you away. I was just scared.”
“It’s okay. You can make it up to me later.” You groaned in pain and leaned into him.
“Bucky I....I love you.”
“Stop it! Don’t say goodbye. You’re not leaving me! Y/N?!” Bucky pulled your body close to his. “Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me” He felt people pulling him away from your unconscious body. Sam held him back as the medical team started working to save your life. Soon you were on a stretcher and being air lifted out of the facility.
“Tordova?” Bucky couldn’t look at Sam.
"He got away." Bucky punched the wall in frustration.
_________________________________________________________
Bucky sat next to your bedside. Somehow, you were still alive. It was some sort of miracle. The amount of blood you had lost and the internal injuries from the stab wound would have taken a normal person out. For the first time, he was grateful for whatever Hydra had pumped into your veins. He was certain that is what kept you alive.
You had just gotten out of a second surgery to repair an internal tear. The beeping of the machines were the only thing indicating you were alive. There was no movement from your body other than the shallow breaths. They had taken you off the ventilator and so far you were breathing on your own. Whether that would continue was another story. There had been something on the knife that you had been stabbed with, You were fighting a nasty infection on top of everything else. You looked so small and fragile in the bed. It wasn't a sight he was used to. He was accustomed to the fierce fighter with a sharp tongue. He would give just about anything to hear you tell him off. He'd gladly switch places with you just to hear you laugh again. 
He thought back to a few months prior, after a mission that went relatively successful, the three of you were sitting in the kitchen drinking. You were laughing so hard your sides hurt. Bucky and Sam had gotten into a shot for shot match up. Sam had broken out Bucky's special stash. You and Sam were partaking in tequila. Even with the much stronger liquor, Bucky was drinking Sam under the table. Sam was slurring his words slightly. You had seemed so carefree in that moment. His head snapped up when he heard you groan.
Everything hurt. Everything was loud. And as you slowly opened you eyes, everything was too bright. You tried to sit up and cried out in pain.
“Easy sweetheart, you’re going to pop a stitch.” Bucky’s easy voice filled your ears.
“I’m alive.” Your voice was scratchy.
“Barely. It was touch and go for a while.” Your eyes focused and you saw the dark circles and lines of worry etched on Bucky’s face. You felt your heart swell. The memories of Tordova and being stabbed came flooding back. You remembered being in Bucky's arms and seeing a tear slip from his eyes.
“I meant it.”
“What?“
“I meant what I said. I was scared. I sorry I pushed you away. I was a coward. But I love you Bucky.” You felt his lips lightly brush yours.
“I love you too. You don’t have to apologize now. You have nothing to be sorry for. Now you rest and heal. Once your back on your feet you can make it all up to me” you felt his lips brush yours again. You wouldn’t waste another moment of your life in fear. No matter what happened you would face it with Bucky at your side.
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sunlightdances · 5 years
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Feel it When My Heart Beats
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Title: Feel it When My Heart Beats Author: Katie @sunlightdances​ Pairing/characters: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader, feat. Peter Parker, Steve Rogers, and Sam Wilson. Rating: PG mostly, but there are a few curse words. Words: 3,091. I got a little carried away. This is pretty dialogue-heavy, even for me. Summary: One instance of Bucky helping Peter with his history homework turns into a tiny bit of hero worship. Bucky acts put off, but really he relishes in his visits to Queens, because they mean getting a glimpse of you, Peter’s charming (and pretty) neighbor. Inspired by this post I keep seeing going around! (I just really need Peter and Bucky to interact more, okay) Disclaimer: I don’t own Marvel, or any of its characters. The plot belongs to me! Please don’t repost my work on any other sites without my permission. Reblogs are okay, appreciated, and encouraged!
Let’s get one thing straight, right off the bat.
It’s not like Bucky doesn’t like Peter Parker. He does, really.
Doesn’t even mind taking him under his wing, sort of.
He only acts put off when Steve basically assigns Peter to Bucky’s charge, insisting that it would be good for Bucky to get to know the kid, and good for the kid to have someone to look up to.
(Bucky still isn’t sure that he’s the best person for anyone to look up to, but that’s a conversation for another day)
So, yes. It’s not like Bucky doesn’t like Peter Parker.
It’s just-- he never planned for you. Peter’s down-the-hall neighbor, the one who is entirely too smart for your own good and subsequently very suspicious of all the comings-and-goings into a fifteen-year-old’s apartment in the early hours of the morning.
You’re also very pretty.
You make Bucky nervous. He stutters over his words, he blushes something fierce… you knock him off center, and you’ve only ever had a small handful of conversations.
Bucky ran into you on the elevator tonight, in fact, and could barely think of anything to say. He’s pretty sure you recognized him. He’s trying his best to come during non-busy hours, after most people come home from work, before they go out for the evening, in hopes that Peter will be able to keep his anonymity for a while longer. He’s just a kid, after all.
Bucky rolls his eyes at himself when he finally knocks on Peter’s door, his ears tuned to where you’re unlocking your own door a few feet away.
The door in front of him opens. Bucky pushes past him into the small apartment.
“Thank god you’re here,” Peter says, dramatic as ever. “I’m going to fail AP History.”
Bucky rolls his eyes. “No, you’re not.” He sits down on the couch, arm thrown across the back as he glances at all the papers and books spread out on the coffee table. Bucky reaches into his pocket and tosses a comms device on the table. “Put this on for a second.”
“What?”
“Comms. Put it on.”
Peter looks fairly betrayed, pointing accusingly, “You can’t do this to me again. I gotta study, if I don’t pass I’m--”
“Captain’s orders,” Bucky says seriously, trying not to laugh as Peter straightens up.
“Cap? Captain America?”
“Do you know another one?” Bucky sighs. “Look. What’s the problem? We’ve been studying for weeks. You know this backwards and forwards. Honestly, you should trust your books more than me anyway,” he points at his head. “Memories aren’t what they used to be.”
“I can’t keep all the names straight. The German ones.”
“Just write down that they were all dicks and call it a day.” Bucky says, laughing when Peter glares. “Really, though. Comms. Cap’s got a mission for you.”
Peter does as he’s told, but grumbles something about ulterior motives under his breath. Bucky presses his finger to his left ear. “We’re here,”
“Peter, it’s Steve.”
Peter almost gulps. “Hi-- hi, Steve. Cap. Captain America--”
“What have you got for us?” Bucky interrupts, watching as Peter shakes his head at himself. “Kid really does need to study, at least for a bit.”
“It’s recon. That’s all. No involvement,” Steve says, “Plus I wanted to make sure you’re not filling the kid with lies about me.”
Bucky snorts. “All he has to do is go to a museum and he can see you in all your star-spangled glory, pal.”
“Do I need my suit?” Peter asks.
Bucky shrugs. “Couldn’t hurt. You can climb up higher than I can with that, anyway.”
“Buck…” Steve trails off, exasperated.
“Right, right. Recon. We got it. And back in time for dinner.”
Peter rolls his eyes again.
.
.
.
It’s part of Peter’s training, to do small recon missions, small skill stuff, and get used to the comms devices plus working with other members of the team. Tony and Steve’s idea, per Fury’s request.
Bucky doesn’t mind the training. It gives him something to focus on, a goal to achieve. Plus, he hopes the people who he trains end up with a better mental image of him as Bucky Barnes afterwards than they ever did of the Winter Soldier.
Now, perched on a rooftop, Peter on the opposite side of the street, he’s beginning to regret this particular assignment.
Peter’s whispering the names of German generals to himself.
“Parker,” Bucky barks, “You gotta press the button again if you don’t want everyone to hear what you’re saying.”
“Sorry,” Peter mumbles. “I guess I should learn this stuff so when I fail AP History I have something to fall back on, huh?”
“Focus, guys.” Steve chides. Bucky can hear the laughter in his voice.
“There,” Peter says suddenly, “Two guys in the alley. They’re making a deal, but I can’t see what either of them have.”
“Our intel says they’re planning something bigger, so this might just be the initial meetup.”
Bucky looks through his scope. “Average build, caucasian, one’s got a tattoo on his left arm.”
“Parker, can you zoom in, see if you can see anything that might give us an idea of when this is going to go down?”
Watching, Bucky gets the feeling on the back of his neck that tells him there’s eyes on him. He’s laying as low as he can get, the sun is going down… he whirls around just in time for the door to the roof to slam shut.
“Shit.” He curses.
“Buck?” His comms crackle to life.
“Nothing,” he says to Steve, staring at you, watching him with narrowed eyes, your hair fluttering slightly in the breeze. “All good.” He presses the button to switch off the mic on his comms.
“I knew it.” You say, no preamble.
You take a few tentative steps forward.
“You’re an Avenger.”
He smirks. “The arm give it away?”
A small laugh. “Never noticed it until now, to be honest. Where’s Peter?”
“Peter?”
You sigh. “You were literally just in his apartment.”
“Um--”
“Sergeant Barnes! I’m supposed to tell you to-- oh.” Peter actually swings on to the rooftop. “Oops.”
“Yeah, oops.” Bucky says, watching your face closely for your reaction. You actually look surprised.
“He’s Spiderman? You’re Spiderman?!”
Bucky groans, “Really? I was so easy to figure out but you couldn’t tell that this kid who is always sneaking out of his apartment is Spiderman?”
“I thought he’d be older,” you say, shrugging.
“Man…” Peter mutters. “So… what do we do now?”
A half hour later, and the three of you are in Peter’s apartment, an uncomfortable silence settling over you. Peter’s thumbing through notecards for his exam idly, and you’re tapping your fingers against your jean-clad legs.
“Does it really matter that I know? I mean-- you’re all famous anyway.” You say suddenly, laughing lightly. It reminds Bucky of a windchime in the breeze, and-- shit. He really shouldn’t be thinking like that.
Peter looks at Bucky, who sighs.
“I guess not? I don’t know. You’re the one who wanted to keep it a secret,” Bucky says, gesturing towards Peter.
“I want to be a teenager, okay. For a little while longer. If everyone knows who I am, that’s it.”
Bucky knows what he means. He can’t go anywhere without someone asking for a picture, or shying away from him entirely because they’re wary of him. He doesn’t know which is worse. He doesn’t mind it, really. But the kid’s right. Privacy goes out the window once you’re officially an Avenger.
“You don’t need to, like, wipe my memory or something?” You wonder aloud, and Bucky snorts.
“This isn’t the Men in Black.”
“Well.” You stand up. “Your secret is safe with me, Peter Parker.” A glance towards Bucky. “Sergeant Barnes,” you say, letting yourself out the front door.
“She’s something else, isn’t she?” Bucky asks, and flinches when Peter throws a pillow at him, catching him on the jaw.
“Gross! She’s my neighbor.”
“Concentrate on the cards, kids, or I’m going to find that MJ girl, and--”
“Okay, okay.”
.
.
.
It’s weeks before Bucky sees you again. He’s picking up Peter for a training session back at the compound, and is pretty much loitering in the lobby when you come in, looking flustered.
“Oh, hi.” You say, your gaze landing on him and rooting him to the spot. He never noticed what a unique color your eyes were before.
“Everything okay?” Bucky asks.
“At ease, Sarge,” you say, and Bucky wants to kiss that smirk right off your mouth. “Just went for a run.”
Bucky smiles, looking down at his feet. “Didn’t decide to become a vigilante after realizing your neighbor’s secret identity?”
You grin. “Thought I’d leave that to the professionals.”
From somewhere deep inside him, Bucky gathers his courage. “Do you-- I mean, would you want to--”
“Sorry!” Peter barrels down the stairs, “Sorry, I’m late, I-- Oh.” He stops when he sees you, and looks suspiciously between you and Bucky.
“You’ve got amazing timing, Parker.” Bucky mutters, sneaking a glance at you. You’re looking at him, a pretty blush on your cheeks, and a smile on your lips.
“What were you saying?” Peter asks.
“Nothing. We’re late…” Bucky says, trailing off. Leaving right now is the last thing he wants to do, but the moment is lost.
“Next time.” You say, quietly, only for Bucky to hear. “Ask me again next time.”
Bucky feels the Earth come to a standstill underneath his feet. A slow grin grows on his face, and it takes everything in him to say goodbye to you and leave with Peter.
“Can’t wait to tell Cap we’re late because you were flirting,” Peter says as he climbs into the passenger side of Bucky’s car.
“Watch it, punk.”
Peter really does remind Bucky of Steve sometimes.
When they get to the compound, Peter heads down to the lab to hang with Tony while he makes some modifications to his suit, before he’ll head back to the training area to spar with Bucky, Steve, and Sam.
Bucky heads to the training area to meet with them, finding them already halfway through a simulation. He watches from the sidelines until they finish and steels himself when he sees Sam nudge Steve and the two of them share a laugh.
“Don’t start,” he warns as they get close enough to hear him.
“You brought Parker today, right?” Sam asks, “Finally make a move on the neighbor?”
“You’re literally the worst.”
“Leave him alone,” Steve says, but he’s clearly trying not to laugh.
“If you must know--” Bucky starts, ready to just spill the beans, because it’ll be easier than the shit he’ll get for it if they find out on their own, but Peter runs in, reinforcing what Bucky already knows - he really has the worst timing.
“Sergeant Barnes!” He skids to a stop, phone in his hand, “Oh, sorry. Cap, Mr. Wilson--”
“Steve.”
“Sam.”
“Right. Sorry, I just-- I got an email, I passed my exam!” He says, his excitement contagious.
“Right on, kid.” Sam says, high fiving the younger man.
“Told you so,” Bucky says, grinning. “Great job.”
“Good work, Parker.” Steve says, and Peter practically lights up at the praise.
“You can totally ask my neighbor out now,” Peter says, off-hand, despite Bucky’s sharp look, “Now that you don’t have to come over to study all the time.”
Steve and Sam have the most unbearable, shit-eating grins on their faces as they look back at Bucky, eyebrows raised, smug. Bucky feels the plates in his arm whir as he struggles to maintain his composure. He can feel his face burning, but suddenly doesn’t understand what the hell he’s so embarrassed about.
He does want to ask you out. He wants to know more about you than just your name and where you live. He wants to know what makes you happy, what makes you tick, and what makes you laugh. He wants to make you laugh.
“You know, I was halfway there this morning before you interrupted,” he tells Peter, who looks properly chastised until Bucky elbows him. “Go suit up.”
Peter waves goodbye to the others sheepishly, and heads off.
“You dog,” Sam says, ducking out of the way of Bucky’s punch.
“Good for you, Buck.” Steve says, clapping him on the shoulder. “By the way, Parker’s been improving.” He was already strong and agile on his own, but he needed some discipline. God knows he had the heart, too. “I think I might partner the two of you for a small mission if Tony signs off on it. Just to see how he does.”
“He gets in enough trouble on his own,” Bucky grumbles, “Just wait for him to get into something and you won’t need a mission as an excuse.”
Steve rolls his eyes. “You know what? Take the afternoon off. I’ll handle it for now. Maybe you should go back to Queens… bump into a pretty girl…”
“God. Shut up.”
Steve and Sam leave him alone, but Bucky finds himself unable to get you off his mind the entire day.
Suddenly, finding an excuse to get back to Queens is at the top of his priorities.
.
.
.
Bucky does not get back to Queens out of his own free will.
He’s undercover, technically. He and the rest of the Avengers, spread out across the street at several different cafes, watching and ready for an illegal arms deal to go down.
Of course, this is when you spot him.
You’ve been shopping, and you sit down at the table next to him without so much as a hello, and Bucky’s eyes widen, like he can’t even believe what he’s seeing.
Timing.
“Uh, Bucky��?” Steve’s voice is in his ear.
“I know,” he says through grit teeth, keeping his voice soft and level.
You glance at him out of the corner of your eye, eyes narrowed. “Bad time?”
He smiles, but it’s exasperated. “I’m beginning to think this is never going to happen the way I want it to.”
“Bucky, get her out of here.” Steve’s voice sounds again, tense.
“Not a great time for flirting, Tin Man.” Sam.
He smiles tightly at you, “Please, shut up.” Then, quickly, “Not you. Look, this is-- not a great time. In fact, you didn’t hear it from me, but I think you should get at least ten city blocks away from here.”
Your eyes widen a little, but to your credit, you don’t run away, you don’t shy away. “Big operation going down?” Your voice is quiet, conspiratorial.
“Just trying to catch some idiots. With some idiots.”
“That’s rude,” Wanda’s voice says in his ear.
Bucky curses every god he can think of and a few he’s pretty sure he made up, because he wants nothing more than to sit here with you and talk for hours. He wants to hold your hand and he wants to learn about you… he’s beginning to think he’s cursed.
“I’m gonna go,” you say, and he flinches, his hand reaching for yours before he can stop it. When his fingers close around yours, it’s like a zap of electricity runs up his entire arm.
Your eyes meet his, liquid and warm, and he feels like he’s drowning.
“Tomorrow. Lunch time. Meet me here?” You ask, and he’s nodding before you can even finish your sentence.
“You got it.”
Your smile is etched into his memory for the rest of the day, even as he’s throwing punches and getting the absolute crap punched out of him back.
.
.
.
It’s lunch time and he’s late.
You look around nervously, your feet tapping a rhythm. You look at your watch, wondering if maybe this just wasn’t meant to be.
Quick footsteps draw your attention, and you turn to see him practically jogging down the block, his imposing figure unbearably attractive in a leather jacket, white t-shirt, and jeans that fit him just right.
His eyes light up when they land on you, and you melt.
“Sorry, the train was late, and--”
“It’s okay. You’re here.”
“Finally,” he agrees, and you’re relieved to see he’s as happy as you are to finally be doing this.
When you first saw him coming and going from Peter Parker’s apartment, you were suspicious. You figured maybe May was seeing someone, but there was a familiarity about him, and you couldn’t place it.
One night when he was leaving, you were taking out the trash, and when he offered to take it down for you, you saw a glimpse of silver between his sleeve and the glove on his left hand.
You felt like an idiot for not recognizing him sooner. It all started to fall into place after that, and between the lingering glances and awkward flirting in the elevator, getting time alone with an actual Avenger proved to be difficult.
“Can I say something to you before we get interrupted again?” He asks, still sort of out of breath as he sits down, closer to you than you expect him to be.
You nod, nerves settling in.
“I think you’re beautiful. And funny, and smart, and I don’t even--” He shakes his head, “I don’t even really know you, aside from your name. But I want to. I want to know you.” He sighs. “My job… it makes it hard. But I don’t want you to get the wrong impression. I like you and I want you to like me too.”
It all comes out in a rush, and he looks almost sick as he finishes. Something in you softens seeing how nervous he is.
“I like you too,” you say quietly. Throwing caution to the wind, you grab his hand. Belatedly, you realize it’s the left one, but you don’t care. “I like you too and I want to know you too.”
He lets out a breath, leaning back in his chair. “Yeah?”
You smile. “Yeah.”
You have lunch together, but the food gets cold as you spend more time talking than eating. After, he walks you to your door. He’s shy and a little flustered, but also so, so charming.
You have a brief, wild thought that it would be so easy to fall in love with this man. You feel it, deep inside, deep in your bones, and with every beat of your heart. You know it’s crazy, you know you need to remind yourself not to go too fast or get too ahead of yourself, but you firmly believe that you met Bucky Barnes for a reason.
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I’m Leaving Tumblr: A Farewell to my Followers
I haven't been very active on this blog lately. If you're observant, you've probably noticed it. If I really wanted to, I could probably just leave it that way; everyone would eventually take me off their followed list as an inactive blog and absently wonder where I went. But I don't really want to do that.
In his poem “The Hollow Men,” T. S. Elliot wrote, “This is how the world ends: not with a bang, but with a whimper.” In my case, though I'm not a popular blog by any stretch, and though this arguably isn't a website that deserves the fanfare, I don't want to leave with a bang, but at least with a whisper: “Thanks for the memories. I'll be on my way now.”
To do that properly, I have to take you on a little ride. 
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In my time on this website, I:
Joined tumblr in June of 2017 for the purposes of posting art.
Proceeded to not post a lot of art.
Found the Captain America, Voltron, and Ninjago fandoms on here and got swept up in those instead.
Got my first 100 notes on a post about Dr. Julien. Dabbed in celebration.
Made a post about Shiro and Bucky maybe being friends.
Bought a mug from mintmintdoodles—and liked it!
Went on a missions trip. Came back.
Reblogged a LOT of fandom stuff.
Saw Wonder Woman, which was good.
Celebrated my first Steve's Birthday—I mean Fourth of July on the site.
Made lots of Clone!Shiro theory posts. 
Made a dumb “who in Voltron likes anime?” post. 
Fell in love with Matt Holt.
Started posting “Grass Whistle”, my first multi-chapter fanfic. 
Got a job, which kinda put the kabosh on the fanfic for a bit.
Bought a print from mechinaries.
Found a bunch of my other fandoms on this site including Lord of the Rings, How to Train Your Dragon, and Hamilton.
Celebrated my first Christmas on the site. 
Participated in the Ninjago Secret Santa, where I actually got my friend Candaru's prompt and it was hilarious.
Kinda ghosted through the first winter months of 2018 as my job occupied more and more of my time. 
Resumed posting Grass Whistle in the spring of 2018 and finally finished it, to a wonderful reception.
Saw Black Panther and loved it!
Started posting “The Run and Go”, to a better reception on FF.net than this site.
Saw Thor: Ragnarok and wished we got to see that hug.
Witnessed the best season of Voltron (S6) before everything went downhill.
Went on vacation. Came back.
Wrote and posted “Brother”.
Posted art celebrating Candaru's story “Several Dead LEGOs Play Cards”.
Went on the missions trip again. Came back.
Saw Infinity War and was in DENIAL.
Reconnected with a friend with whom I'd been through a really rough patch over the past couple of years, and began to mend our friendship.
Posted a really long queue of LotR stuff for no particular reason.
Watched Voltron end; it was terrible.
Started a new year and continued to keep the blog busy with lots of queues.
Watched Alita: Battle Angel and it was AMAZING.
Posted a really long How to Train Your Dragon queue for no particular reason.
Continued to dread Endgame.
Watched Endgame. Stayed in denial.
Fell behind on Ninjago seasons.
Watched the Voltron and Ninjago blogs I follow fade into inactivity until I was left with nothing but gifs of Endgame and my own sadness.
Kept the charade going until the summer of 2019 hit and I realized that I'm doing out of obligation what should be for fun.
I don't really know how to state this in a kind way, but neither the circumstances that brought me here nor the conditions that kept me here exist any longer. This is a fandom blog, and it's a tough break when you've fallen either out of step or out of love with your fandoms. Keeping up the queue is the only way that my blog stays active on my work days, but it isn't fun. This blog stays inactive because upkeeping it is a chore—a chore that I keep putting off, and a chore that no one asked me to do.
2 Timothy 2:20-21 says, “In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for special purposes and some for common use. Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.”
I never really understood that. What does Paul have against common things? Does he have beef with clay? But I think I get it now—it's a simple matter of removing clutter. Cleaning out what's unnecessary so that the only things that remain are the best ones.
I'm not leaving tumblr because I have any anger against the site or any one person or fandom or whatever. I'm not leaving because something cataclysmic happened, or because I was abducted by aliens and their planet has bad wifi. I'm leaving because I've had some time to think, and I've decided that it's for my best mental health that I leave this chapter behind. Plain and simple.
Those who know me personally probably know that my prayer for 2019 has been centered around a single word: Restoration. The past few years have been hard ones for me, and it's time to rebuild and restore what's been broken. Sometimes repairing a house means tearing out the moldy walls first. Sometimes being your best self means eliminating distractions.
Because that's what these are—distractions, layered on distractions. Marvel distracted me from the real world, and Voltron distracted me between Marvel movies, and Ninjago distracted me when Voltron turned sour. When those fell through, I turned to old fandoms to distract myself. And when I finally extricated myself from that mess, made amends with some people, looked up, and faced my situation for what it is, I realized that it's not something I can maintain.
I'll still keep the blog up. I won't deactivate it, because deactivated blogs make me sad and wonder if there's some tragedy here that I don't know about. Especially since the platonic prompts post continues to make rounds, I want people to be able to come back to this blog if they wish and see what the original poster was like—someone who loves friendship in fandoms, celebrates it, and spent two years creating a safe haven of nothing but positive, pro-bromance content. If this blog was ever a safe haven for anybody, I want them to still have it available in its entirety. Even if it should never have been work, I did work hard on this. I don't want that to go to waste.
As for those I follow, there will still be some blogs that I check on from time to time—particularly the ones that my personal friends run—but I likely won't be interacting with the posts. If you know me in real life, you can still contact me through email or my fanfiction account. I'll be there.
But starting today, I'm taking the tumblr app off of my phone. I might come back sometime, but I don't see it happening. No offense or hard feelings to anybody—I'm just done for now.
If I ever made anyone smile, I think this would all be worth it. If I made someone laugh, or think, or cry, or if I inspired them to write something or draw something or create something that had never existed before, I think it would all be worth it. If I can truly say that I was a positive Christian influence in my short time here—that I touched somebody—I think it would be worth it.
After all, life isn't about followers. It's about friends. It isn't about notes. It's about whose lives you touched, whose day you made just a little bit better. And I know that all of you (except for the pornbots) are real people, and I want you to know that, to the best of my ability, I care about every single one of you. I want all of you to live happy lives, and I hope that God makes Himself very, very real to you and fills you with a love that words can't explain and a joy that our hearts can't contain and a hope that our minds can't imagine in our wildest dreams.
I wish all 119 of you well. I wish everyone who has ever crossed my path through this blog well. I hope I could make you smile. It's been fun, and I've met some great people and made some wonderful friends, and I'm glad to have been here.
Thank you to my friends. Thank you to anyone who ever liked or reblogged my art. Thank you to everyone who reblogs the platonic prompts post—it's just over 3,000 notes as I write this, which is about the size of my church, and while that isn't terribly a lot I guess it's still wild to think about.
I especially want to thank the Ninjago community for always being so enthusiastic, warm, and wholesome my whole time on this website, from giving me my first 100 notes on the Dr. Julien headcanon post just a few days into my time here to your staggering and sincere support of Grass Whistle a year later. Never stop being your wonderful selves—it was wonderful to interact with all of you.
Thanks for the memories. I mean that.
Here's a picture of one of my hermit crabs, Clover, on a tiny boat I got in Michigan. Peace out!
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—Sincerely, EA
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bigskydreaming · 5 years
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Hey, so ppl who have followed me awhile, you know how occasionally I toss out random concepts as like, just general prompts because they were a thing that happened in my brain and I thought they were a cool idea but have no time/plans to write them ever so I’m always like....dude, run with it if it sparks something for you?
So due to my physiological incompatibility with Being Subtle Ever and my many many rants on how much it annoys me when people who openly state they’re not a survivor themselves then go on to share writing that clearly views Law & Order SVU as viable Research Material like....its not exactly a shocker that I’m a big believer in the idea that there are just some stories that some people aren’t meant to write. Like full stay in your lane premises, stories where it doesn’t matter how thoroughly or sincerely you research experiences outside your own - its just not your story to write.
And occasionally I also definitely come up with novel ideas that fall in this category. Some even make it all the way to extensively plotted/worldbuilt stages of outlining before I clue in that the basic premise is just unworkable for ME, due to my specific axes of identity....like sometimes I just really love an idea and so try and workshop it and come at it from a different angle that is more approachable for me....but ultimately, there have been a number of times when I’ve just had to put aside even a really in depth world or idea because it was just too innately connected in my head to various lived experiences or cultural identities that I don’t feel comfortable writing towards.
Like for example, years ago I plotted out this one YA novel idea that’s like....historical sci-fi, ‘alienpunk’ - like the basic idea was what if a First Contact scenario with aliens coming to Earth happened, but in the 19th century, like late 1800s. Steampunk style aesthetics, but instead of it being ahead-of-its-time steam powered technology, it was the anachronistic results of combining advanced alien technology with early or mid-Industrial Age science.
The thing was, despite trying out various different eras or locations, the story that kept coming out in outline was pretty firmly centered in America in the late 1800s, and like, it would be a huge glaring omission for ME to write that story and not have any black characters or acknowledge the social aspects of it being set during a post-Civil War era, and like...that’s not really For Me to write IMO.....and so as much as I loved the general idea, I felt pretty strongly that as it was, it just wasn’t a story I needed to write, when I have plenty more that are much more based out of my own lanes.
And to be clear, the story isn’t ABOUT slavery, that was never the issue, its not thematically built around related concepts, nothing like that. Its a sci-fi ‘aliens came to Earth and shit inevitably happened both because Aliens and also because People’ adventure....that is also historical fiction, with the era in question being post-Civil War America. Its just a story SET during that time, because that was the way it unfolded for me and I couldn’t get it to click creatively any other way. But still, its just disingenuous to pretend that any story set during that era doesn’t have a ton of room for expansion or commentary or bringing in more themes - with me just not being the right author to do that. Not my place, it just is what it is, and I’m wholly fine with that.
Anyway, my point with all this is I have a pretty sizable number of basic premises and even full outlines along those ‘nope, this isn’t actually for me after all’ lines that I’ve set aside over the years because like....my brain literally never shuts off and I write a fucking lot lot lot. And I do think a lot of them are pretty good ideas that someone could make some really fun stories out of, because I’m biased and occasionally do manage to love myself, like yeah, I do write good shit if I say so myself. But given that I’m not that person to write those particular stories, like I’d love to offer them up to other writers who might be interested in doing something with them.
And again just to be total clear - I am very much an ‘any time I say do whatever the fuck you want with this, I really mean it’ kinda guy. These would come with zero strings or expectations. If you like one of these ideas and want the outline or notes I made for it, its yours to do whatever the fuck you want with. Stick to the outline, don’t stick to it, just run with the basic premise, use the notes as a springboard to launch your own creativity into entirely new directions that didn’t even occur to me - sky’s the limit, have at it, I wouldn’t ask for or expect any compensation or official credit or royalties or whatever the fuck, not the point of this. Literally my only request would be like, hey, if you finish something off of one of these and do something with it, maybe gimme a shout out in the acknowledgments section and drop me a copy when you’re done because literally every story idea I’ve ever had, I’ve had it because at the end of the day its a story I want to read so....I’d definitely want to read whatever you come up with lol, but its YOUR story at that point. No hidden strings or whatever, you can cite this post as your official proof of that if needed I guess? Idk, its all pretty bullshit to me. God, I’m a publisher’s worst nightmare.
But I mean, the entire reason I didn’t ever write any of these specific stories and don’t think I ever will is because I quite literally don’t think I’m the right person to write them which means I quite literally believe there’s a metric fuck ton of people who could write them better than me and do things with them I never could and would never even occur to me, so like...lmfao, please don’t worry that I’m gonna be sitting here ever thinking like ugh how dare they not stick to my outline and notes and think they knew how to write this idea better than me. Like, you can. I want you to. That’s the whole point.
So yeah, basically the endpoint of all this rambling is if any writers out there would be interested in this kinda thing, drop me a reply or a reblog or even just an ask with what you think is a good way to handle that. 
Like, I was thinking just whenever I’m thinking about one of them I’d maybe make a post (maybe tagged with a specific tag I use as a catch-all for any one of these ‘up for grabs’ outlines) about the general idea or a couple of the characters I came up with and a list of the kind of materials I wrote out for that story and their extent, like does that one have a full outline, is it more just worldbuilding and character notes, etc. And if someone’s interested or is like “oh I read this and it totally gave me all these ideas for what to do with a story like that” or whatever, just hit me up and first come first serve, the full file is yours. 
But like, that’s just my ‘puts the lazy in laissez-faire,’ pulled it out of my ass two seconds ago idea for how to approach this, so if anyone has a better or more coherent idea, or even just a thought for what to tag this kinda thing, I’m all ears.
(Just final additional disclaimers: I’m super duper aggressively not interested in being like ‘mmmm, lemme judge your writing first and pick whomever I think is the Most Qualified To Write Mine Idea Properly’ like eww, gross, and similarly I have no desire to ask for identity credentials.  Like if you’re a white writer and you read all of this and hit me up about a story I say I decided not to write because its heavily influenced by Mesoamerican cultures to a degree that I was like, I personally don’t feel anyone but a Latinx writer needs to be profiting off this story - I mean, you could definitely be like ‘oh I’m Latinx’ y’know, like a liar, and I’d be like okay sure, and if it ends up published later and I’m like hey I recognize that story and hey that author is as white as me, like.....you could do that I guess, and that’s a thing that could happen and like....that’s between you and your own choices and reasoning at that point and if you’re comfortable with that I mean, you do you, just be aware I probably think you’re an asshole then. C’est la vie. The world will keep turning.)
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sebastiianstan · 5 years
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Tumblr content school: why you don’t always get notes and how to (potentially) get a bit more
So in recent weeks, I’ve seen quite a few posts floating around that centre around the same subject: content creators, mainly gifmakers, not gaining followers as quickly as they would like to and/or not getting as many notes on their original content as they would like to. Most recently I’ve seen people share their like-to-reblog ratio, with a call to users to also reblog content instead of just liking it, which would result in more exposure and recognition for the creator.
Now, while all of those feelings are perfectly valid and you’re obviously allowed to post whatever you like on your blog, the conversation around this is quite unnuanced and, at times, a bit uninformed. I’m not claiming to be some kind of expert, but having been a content creator (gifmaker) on this platform for quite a few years, with my own small share of popular gifsets floating around and having built both my own blog an two fansites/group blogs to at least moderate success, I do think I have a certain degree of insight re: getting notes, so I thought I’d put in my two cents. Please note that I’m not making this post to be condescending in any way, or even to tell you what to do/how to create content, but I thought I’d help as much as I can, based on my own experience.
Below the cut are 1. reasons why I think gifsets don’t always get the number of notes you wanted/expected them to, and 2. tips on creating and posting content in a way that will potentially get you more notes.
Why you might not be getting (a lot) of notes
So let’s start with some general trends re: gifsets not getting as many notes as you’d like/expect, and not as many as they would have maybe a few years ago.
1. Tumblr is past its peak
Based on experience, I’d say fandom Tumblr reached its peak in 2015-2016, and was riding that out in 2017. I’ve mainly been a Marvel blog in recent years, so I can’t speak for other fandoms, but Tumblr was... wild in the lead-up to and aftermath of Captain America: Civil War (2016). Wonder Woman (2017) was a similar situation on the DC side of things. 
New Marvel releases (like Ant-Man & The Wasp, Avengers: Infinity War and probably most notably, Black Panther) still get a lot of traction and fandom definitely isn’t dead on Tumblr, but I feel like 2015-2016 were definitely peak years. I only recently returned from a year-long hiatus; I stopped being active in late 2017 and even then my dashboard wasn’t quite as active as it was a year before that. Upon returning here about a month ago, most of my mutuals from back in the day had also become inactive and a lot of gifmakers I used to follow were not creating content anymore.
So it boils down to this: I think it’s very likely that the amount of active users within your fandom has diminished significantly as compared to two years ago. A set that may have gotten 10k notes within a few days in 2016 might now only get half of that.
2. The URL thing
This is a sad truth, but it does seem that having a semi-canon or canon url does at least help with getting a larger amount of notes on your content. I have no tips on getting a canon url (I got very, very lucky with this one), but this is a simple observation I have from over the years. Url trading/selling has basically become a genuine business due to this - canon urls are in high demand.
More importantly, what I can say is that it’s smart not to change your url too often. Becoming a popular content creator on this platform is basically the same as building a brand - and a brand has an easily recognized name. Once you have a url you are happy with, try to stick to it for a while. When you change your url, links break on reblogs of your old gifsets, by the way.
3. The like-to-reblog ratio has always been unbalanced
For as long as I can remember, posts have gotten more likes than reblogs. If your ratio is 2-to-1 or 3-to-1, trust me, you are doing perfectly well for yourself! Again, as with my first point, this might have gotten a bit more extreme since 2016, but it’s not a new thing.
4. Popular users support each other
Obviously there’s nothing wrong with this (in fact, I love that we all support each other), but yes, in general big/popular blogs are friends with each other and tend to reblog each other’s content, which can be discouraging for smaller or aspiring content creators on the platform.
However, please be aware that these big blogs built up the following they have by posting content for years and it just takes time. Also, know that most users on here actually really enjoy being tagged in your posts - so if you gif a movie or tv show you know a popular user (that you follow) likes, tag them in it and if it’s high quality content (I’ll touch on this later), they’ll probably reblog it.
Tips on getting more notes
Alright, on to part two: my personal tips on getting more notes. These are strictly based on my own experience, and as a repeat of my disclaimer earlier: I am genuinely trying to share my knowledge; none of this is with the intent of being a condescending know-it-all.
1. Don’t look like you’re complaining
No matter what the intent behind your post about your lack of notes and/or followers is, it’s very likely you’re going to come off entitled or ungrateful. I’ve personally unfollowed multiple users who post consistently about reaching their next thousand, who make angry/frustrated posts when their followers don’t increase as quickly as they’d like to, when they lose followers, etc. I understand that the hustle is frustrating, but posts like these are really quite annoying for your followers; you’re complaining about followers you don’t have to followers you do have, who are then more likely to unfollow you because it looks like you’re complaining. Your mutuals might understand why you’re posting this, but others probably don’t.
When it comes to posts about like-to-reblog ratios, which I’ve seen a fair few of recently, please consider a couple of things. 
When you ask people to reblog your post instead of liking it, you are essentially telling them what to put on their own blogs.
A lot of users on here have carefully curated content; while some users simply blog about everything they like, others stick to a certain set of subjects/movies/tv shows. If they see a post they like that doesn’t fall into those categories, they’ll give it a like to keep track of it and show their appreciation, but won’t put it on their blogs. You can’t tell people to reblog something they don’t want to.
You’re essentially asking people that you do not really personally care about to do something for you. Most of the likes you get on your post are likely from people that you do not follow yourself. I’m not saying that you hate your followers or don’t care for them, but you can’t really ask anything of a user that you don’t even follow yourself.
Look at it this way: Tumblr is basically a mini society, with its own market in the form of content creation. The ones who have a few thousand followers, and who get a few hundred or a few thousand notes on their posts are already the lucky ones. If you’re a user who gets hundreds/thousands of notes on their posts (even if it’s not as many as you like or deserve), you should keep in mind that the vast majority of users on here are small blogs that don’t have the traction that you have. If you post a screenshot of the like-to-reblog ratio on a post that has 2k notes, they’re going to think, “what on earth are you complaining about?”
Posts like these can really only backfire. I don’t think it’s likely that a lot of users will suddenly start reblogging instead of liking because of them. I know those posts are getting traction, because your mutuals and fellow content creators understand your frustration (believe me, I do too!), so they reblog/like/comment on it, but you’re essentially in an echo chamber of content creators. Anyone outside of that circle will not understand it and might unfollow you because of it.
2. Quality
Another disclaimer: I’m not implying that the people who have made posts about notes/followers don’t make HQ gifs. This is simply the “tips on getting notes” section of this particular post, so that’s what I’m doing. Veteran gifmakers can skip this section because I won’t be presenting anything new here.
Here’s the thing: high quality gifsets get notes. I know that what constitutes a HQ gif is subjective, but there is a consensus on this amongst big blogs, so I will summarize it below.
Make gifs from high-quality video sources. If 1080p is available, use that. Don’t gif from videos below 720p. Also, the larger the t*rr*nt file, the higher the quality. If a 1080p t*rr*nt from a movie is under 2GB in size, it’s probably not decent enough to gif from.
Use the new dimensions. Tumblr changed from 500px to 540px over 3 years ago now I believe, and all the big blogs use these dimensions. I rarely see sets like this anymore, but some users do still hold on to the old dimensions. Obviously, you should do what you like, but know that you’ll get more notes if you make the switch.
Do not skip frames. If you use screencaps, extract 25 frames per second. If you are an ‘Import video frames to layers’ kinda gal, like me, import all frames.
Sharpen your gifs! It makes an insane difference. My faq section links to a sharpening action.
Your frame delay should be 0.05. If you have a low amount of frames, you can get away with 0.06, but do not make your gif any slower than that. It will look unsmooth.
Go for natural coloring, where you simply brighten up the gif and enhance the colors (beware of whitewashing tho). I know that using PSD’s from resource blogs is tempting, but it’s very likely they will not work for the particular scene you’re giffing. It’s best if you learn to color yourself and adapt your coloring for every set. Also, it’s up to you what you think is pretty, but extremely vibrant and extremely pale coloring isn’t very popular anymore. Natural is the way to go. (This is with the exception of those gorgeous color edits people have been making recently. Y’all are queens & that shit is hard to make yo!)
If your gif is larger than the 3mb limit, NEVER sacrifice colors in the ‘Save for web’ window. Always delete frames to lower the size of your gif.
Just saying, but Photoshop CS5 has been known to make the best gifs.
For beginners out there, please don’t be discouraged. I’ve been making gifs for years, and they were absolute shit in the beginning. It just takes time to learn, but if you stick to it, you’ll get there.
3. Concept over quantity
Allow me to draw a comparison with YouTubers here - I think we all prefer YouTubers who post one well fleshed out video a week (for example, Safiya Nygaard) over YouTubers who post an okay video every day.
I think a lot of users think the way to get notes and followers is to post a gifset every day. This probably does work to an extent, but I personally think it’s better to come up with original concepts that you post every few days.
When you watch a movie, you can make five gifsets out of scenes from that movie, or you can come up with a concept. For example, parallels between scenes, parallels with other movies, the best lines of a certain character, etc. This takes more work, but sets like these are highly appreciated because they’re original, and they tend to get more notes.
This doesn’t apply to new releases, as you are probably among the first to gif a particular scene, but if you’re giffing a scene from a movie that’s been out for a while, you’re very likely not the first to do it. People will see it, realize they’ve already reblogged something very similar, and keep scrolling. But if you come up with a new idea, that’s what’ll get you more traction.
To give you a personal example; I recently rewatched all of the cap films. Now, I could have giffed popular scenes like “I could do this all day” or “I’m with you ‘til the end of the line”, but that’s been done before... a lot. Instead, I came up with this, and got 6.5k notes. I haven’t posted that many new sets on my blog recently, but posting content like that has gained me some followers and new mutuals.
4. Timing
All this requires is keeping an eye on your dashboard and taking note of when most of the people you follow are online. I sometimes see European content creators posting their sets smack dab in the middle of the day. Lemme tell y’all something: the Americans are sleeping.
I’m in timezone GMT+1. My dash wakes up around 5pm. I never post before 6pm - I’ll post anywhere between then and midnight, so feel free to convert that to your own timezone. The scheduling feature on posts comes in handy if you’ll be asleep or at school/work around that time.
If you post when Tumblr isn’t active, your set will drown in all of the other content, so be smart about timing.
5. Strategic tagging
It seems that a lot of users still don’t know this: only the first five tags on your post show up in tags on Tumblr. Anything past the first five will only be useful for your own tagging/archiving system, but will not show up in any tracked tags.
So first point: always use the most prominent edit tag for the fandom you’re posting in. Examples are #marveledit, #hpedit, #filmedit. These are frequently used, and often tracked by big blogs.
Second point: figure out who the big fansites/group blogs are, and if they track a tag, tag them. Make sure you follow them, obviously. If your post is funny, you might wanna tag bob-belcher (#bbelcher) as well - this blog is popular across fandoms and posts content from all over!
Third: tag users who you think will like your post. Don’t be thirsty with this. Again, only do this if you follow them. Tagging 2-3 users is ok, but don’t be out there tagging 8 to 10 blogs on your post. Not only is that a little pointless (because only the first five tags will show up), it also makes you look thirsty. Users might not appreciate this, and ultimately might not reblog your post because of that. Also, try not to tag the same users on every single one of your posts.
6. Popular content
If your fandom is niche, so is your content. That’s perfectly fine; don’t feel pressured to post about anything that isn’t your passion.
But if your goal really is to get more notes and followers, create content from fandoms that are big on the platform. Examples are Marvel, Harry Potter, Star Wars, film blogs, etc.
7. Join a fansite/group blog
Every big fandom on Tumblr has one or multiple fansites/group blogs. I recommend you figure out who they are for your fandom, and apply to one that’s accepting new members. You’ll likely get in if your gifs are HQ.
I know this sounds a bit counterintuitive, as you’ll be posting content on another blog that will be getting the notes and followers from it, but it actually is a good way to gain more exposure. These blogs have large amounts of followers, and they usually allow you to reblog your own content to them, as long as you’re active. I think it’s a great way to get your content out there.
Alright, time to wrap up this post. I’m not personally calling out anyone who has made posts about followers, notes, like-to-reblog ratios, etc. I’ve seen at least 15 of those posts in recent weeks so I’m just reacting to a trend I’m seeing, by presenting a potential solution to a problem people seem to be having. 
My last tip is this: if notes and followers on Tumblr are making you feel down or frustrated, maybe it’s time for a little hiatus or a step back. In the end, you are not getting paid for this and your popularity on the platform has no bearing on your real life. This is supposed to be a fun outlet for your passions and interests, not a source of frustration and anger. Don’t take it too seriously! You’re doing amazing sweetie.
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