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codex-archives-exe · 3 years

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Only A Heated Touch Truly Conveys The Sentiment | Yahari Ore No Seishun Love Come Wa Machigatteiru. Kan. [EP 11] | Yukinon x Hikigaya/Hikigaya x Yukinon [Yukigaya]

Transcript:

(Yukinon and Hikigaya begin walking up the bridge)

Hikigaya: “Sorry to drag you into this.”

Yukinon: “It was inevitable. There’s no way I could have refused in this situation.”

Yukinon: “Seriously, what are you doing?”

(Yukinon, in denial, that after everything, Hikigaya persistently tries to be with her)

Yukinon: “I don’t get this at all.”

(Yukinon slightly ahead of Hikigaya, walking up the entrance of the bridge)

Yukinon: “It actually felt terrifying watching my own family get coaxed along like that.”

Hikigaya: “I wasn’t really doing anything of the sort.”

Hikigaya: “To be honest, I’m terrified by the fact that they just backed down.”

Yukinon: “Good point.”

Yukinon: “My mom and sister definitely aren’t the type to give up that easily.”

(Hikigaya, awkwardly asking if he can move ahead because he has a bike, Yukinon shakes her head in disagreement)

Yukinon: “That look my mother had... It was the same one she has when she looks at my sister.”

Hikigaya: “Do you mean she acknowledged you?”

Yukinon: “She might have given up on me instead.”

[...]

Yukinon: “Why did you say something so absurd?”

Hikigaya: “That was the only way I could stay associated with you.”

Yukinon: “...Huh?”

Hikigaya: “With the club ending, we’d lose our only real place of contact.”

Hikigaya: “I couldn’t think of another excuse to you to come to me.”

(Yukinon stops in her place, as Hikigaya moves up slightly ahead)

Yukinon: “Why would you do that?”

Yukinon: “What about your promise? I asked you to grant her wish.”

Hikigaya: “We could say that this is a part of it.”

(Hikigaya puts the stop on his bike on the bridge)

Hikigaya: “Because she told me she wanted you to be a part of our afternoons filled with nothing.”

Yukinon: “Then there was no reason for you to do all of that...”

Hikigaya: “As if.”

Hikigaya: “Acquaintances, associates, friends, classmates. You can call it whatever you want. But I have no confidence I maintain that kind of relationship.”

Yukinon: “That may be true for you, but I’m going to do this. I’m going to get better at doing this!”

(As Yukinon, walks out of Hikigaya’s way creating distance between them)

[...]

Hikigaya: “This may hurt to hear, but both of us have pretty much zero communication skills, and we make things too complicated.”

Hikigaya: “Not to mention that we’re absolutely terrible at socializing!”

Hikigaya: “I don’t think we can start doing it well now!”

Hikigaya: “Creating any distance between us won’t be the end of it, and I’m positive we’ll just drift apart even further apart!”

(Hikigaya starts to run after Yukinon as she walks further away)

(Yukinon begins to walk faster and further away as Hikigaya reaches out his hand)

(Hikigaya realizing that Yukinon is getting too far away)

(Determined - Hikigaya, begins to gain speed and run after Yukinon)

Hikigaya: “That’s why...!” (as he grabs Yukinon’s hand)

Hikigaya: “If I let you go, I can’t grab hold of you again.”

Hikigaya: “This is extremely embarrassing for me to say, and I’d like to drop dead right about now, but...saying all that stuff about “taking responsibility” was totally insufficient...I don’t feel an obligation to do this...It’s more like I want that responsibility. Or rather ...I want you to let me have it...”

(Hikigaya, finally lets go of Yukinon’s hand, and they blush and look away from each other for a brief moment)

(Yukinon rubbing her wrist and hand, where Hikigaya held tightly)

Hikigaya: “It might not be something you’re wishing for, but I want to remain involved with you. This isn’t about obligation, but desire.”

Hikigaya: “So...allow me the privilege of distorting your life.”

(Yukinon shocked, realizing what he really means)

Yukinon: “What do you mean “distort”? What do you mean by that word?”

Hikigaya: “Well, I don’t mean that I have enough influence to change your whole life or anything. I think both you and I go on to university like normal, reluctantly join the workforce, and then go on to live decent lives. But if we’re involved with each other, we’ll take detours, stay at a standstill, and things like that, right? That’s why I’ll distort your life a little.”

(Yukinon sighs in relief, and then smiles, knowing what Hikigaya means)

Yukinon: “If that’s what you mean, then my life’s been distorted for a while now.”

Hikigaya: “I agree.”

Hikigaya: “We met, talked, learned, and then separated...and at each my life got distorted.”

Yukinon: “But you were already distorted from the very beginning.”

Yukinon: “I was, too, though.”

Hikigaya: “And things are going to get even more distorted. But as long as I keep distorting your life, I intend to pay a price to make up for it. ”

Hikigaya: “Well, I have basically have no assets, so the only things I can give you are time, emotions, the future, a life and other vague stuff like that. I’m not living much of a life, and I don’t have a lot of prospects for the future. But as long as I’m involved in someone else’s life, I have to give something, otherwise it’s not fair.”

Hikigaya: “I’ll give you anything and everything, so please let me be involved in your life.”

[...]

(Yukinon blushing and somewhat upset)

Yukinon: “You’re wrong...There’s no balance to that at all!”

(Yukinon, upset, knowing very well, that is completely unfair for only her to rely on him)

Yukinon: “There’s not that much value in the path that I walk to the future.”

Yukinon: “In comparison, you have...”

Hikigaya: “That’s a relief, then.”

Hikigaya: “As it stands, there’s not much value in my life. It’s an unpopular brand that has so little value it can’t get any lower than it already is. It’s basically bottomed out. In a sense, you could consider it a principal-protected investment. Now’s the best time to buy in!”

Yukinon: “You make it sound like a huge scam.”

(Gently punching Hikigaya’s chest)

Yukinon: “Learn to present yourself better!”

(Yukinon, upset, knowing Hikigaya is worth much more than he always tends to describes himself to her)

Yukinon: “Why are you standing there spouting all this stupid stuff that doesn’t matter? There’s something else you should be saying!”

(Yukinon, knowing full-well he is talking about “love” but does not have the bravery or courage to be upfront about it)

Hikigaya: “I can’t say it. No way. You really think I can put that into words?”

Yukinon: “I think I may be a very tiresome person to deal with.”

Hikigaya: “I know that.”

Yukinon: “In any case, I’ve done nothing but cause you problems.”

Hikigaya: “I’m used to that.”

Yukinon: “I’m stubborn, and I’m not very charming.”

Hikigaya: “Yeah, that’s true.”

Yukinon: “I wanted you to deny that part, though...”

(Hoping Hikigaya would at least deny one thing about her)

Hikigaya: “That’s a tall order.”

Yukinon: “I feel like I’ll only become more useless as I continue to rely on you.”

Hikigaya: “Which means I just to have to become more useless than that. If we’re all useless, then no one is.”

Yukinon: “And also-!”

(Yukinon tries to deny every moment of Hikigaya doing everything for her)

Hikigaya: “It’s fine.”

Hikigaya: “I don’t mind how tiresome you get. Or how burdensome. I could even say that’s a good thing about you.”

Yukinon: “What?”

Yukinon: “That doesn’t make me happy at all!”

(As Yukinon, lightly jabs at Hikigaya’s chest)

Hikigaya: “Ouch...”

(Yukinon, then gently grabs and tugs a small part of Hikigaya’s scarf)

Yukinon: “There’s more than that, right?”

(Yukinon puts her hand down, then Hikigaya grabs her hand, and puts her hand on his heart)

(Surprised, Yukinon looks back at Hikigaya as he does this)

Hikigaya: “It may not be enough compensation for distorting your life, but well...I’ll give you everything. If you do not want it, then throw it away. If it’s annoying, then just forget about it. I’m still going to do it regardless, so I don’t need you to reply.”

Yukinon: “Well, I’m going to say it clearly.”

(Yukinon then grasps part of Hikigaya’s blazer then begins to lean on him)

Yukinon: “Please allow me to have...your life.”

Hikigaya: “That’s stiff.”

Yukinon: “I don’t know any other way to say it, so deal with it.”

(Yukinon completely leaning on him, almost crying)

(Hikigaya, then fully embraces Yukinon, and they hug each other)

Preface

Hello everyone, so I used to have a Tumblr a long, long time ago; 5 years to be exact; but have chosen this time, because on this very site I used to endlessly blog and jot down so many theories and thoughts about the possibilities - the sheer possibilities, of this couple, this ship being a thing.

AND THEN IT FINALLY HAPPENED. 100% CONFIRMED.

THERE ARE NO WORDS THAT CAN DESCRIBE HOW HAPPY I AM.

7 YEARS

3 SEASONS

38 EPS

AFTER STORY CONFIRMED TO BE IN THE WORKS

Sadly, I do not have the receipts or any core theory pieces or fragments from my past blog because it was wiped. Attempting to reconstruct any form of it from past memory, from what I thought from this, solely came from the fact Yukinon and Hikigaya, despite having so many disagreements and dragging each other down almost in some instances - they always watched out for each other. They always did. No matter if it was Hikigaya for Yukinon’s sake, or Yukinon for Hikigaya’s sake even in the some of the most simple scenarios.

I always thought the beginning of S3, was so daunting because the sheer separation of the Service Club caused so much anguish, because each one of them felt for a different desire for another. Although, the entire premise going out of his own way to be there for Yukinon. Is absolutely the cutest and most romantic proactive thing someone could do for someone they ‘genuinely’ loved.

Yes, I did go out of my own way to write the entire transcript of that five minute sequence because it is so incredibly memorable, cute, and heartwarming. As many have claimed from the start, they were absolutely meant for each other, knowing how much they rely, trust, and lean on one another. The writing is just so beautiful and always gets my heart pounding, and I practically cry every time. I could watch this a million times, I could never ever grow tired of it. Protect these two AT ALL COSTS 😭💗💗💗💗 it being well worth the seven years of waiting, was such an understatement, I am so excited for whenever the After Story for these two gets animated. My heart will not be able to handle it.

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samwisethewitch · 3 years

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Coping with religious trauma

CONTENT WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS DISCUSSIONS OF MENTAL ILLNESS, TRAUMA RECOVERY, AND HOMOPHOBIA. The advice in this post is intended for an adult audience, not for those who are legal minors.

A lot of people find their way to paganism after having traumatic experiences with organized religion, especially in countries like the United States, where 65% of the population identifies as Christian. (This number is actually at an all-time low — historically, the percentage has been much higher.) Paganism, which is necessarily less dogmatic and hierarchical than the Abrahamic religions, offers a chance to experience religion without having to fit a certain mold. This can be extremely liberating for people who have felt hurt, abused, or ignored by mainstream religion.

To avoid making generalizations that might offend people, I’ll share my own story as an example.

My family joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, better known as the Mormons, when I was nine years old. The Mormons are an extremely conservative sect of evangelical Christianity that places a heavy emphasis on maintaining a strong community that upholds their religious values. The problem with that is that Mormon values are inherently racist, sexist, homophobic, and transphobic. As a teenager in the Mormon Church, I was told that as a woman, my only purpose in life was to marry a (Mormon) man and raise (Mormon) children. I was discouraged from pursuing a college education if it meant delaying marriage. I was not allowed to participate in the full extent of religious ritual because I was not a man. I was not allowed to express myself in ways that went against Mormon culture, and I kept my bisexuality secret for fear I would be ostracized. I didn’t have any sort of support system outside the Church, which inevitably made the mental health issues that come with being a queer woman in a conservative Christian setting much, much worse.

I left the Mormons when I was seventeen, and by that time I had some major issues stemming from my time in the Church. I had been extremely depressed and anxious for most of my teen years. I struggled with internalized misogyny and homophobia. I had very low self-esteem. I had anxiety around sex and sexuality that would take years of therapy and self-work to overcome. I wanted to form a connection with the divine, but I wasn’t sure if I was worthy of such a connection.

I was attracted to paganism, specifically Wicca, because it seemed like everything Mormonism wasn’t. Wicca teaches equality between men and women, with a heavy focus on the Goddess in worship. It places an emphasis on doing what is right for you, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone else. It encourages sexuality and healthy sexual expression. Learning about Wicca, and later other types of paganism, helped me develop the kind of healthy spirituality I’d never experienced as a Mormon. Although Wicca is no longer the backbone of my religious practice, it was a necessary and deeply healing step on my spiritual journey.

I’m not sharing my story to gain sympathy or to make anyone feel bad — I’m sharing it because my situation is not an uncommon one in pagan circles. The vast majority of pagans are converts, meaning they didn’t grow up pagan. Some had healthy upbringings in other faiths, or no faith at all, and simply found that paganism was a better fit for them. Others, like myself, had deeply traumatic experiences with organized religion and are attracted to paganism because of the freedom, autonomy, and empowerment it offers.

If you fall into this latter category, this post is for you. Untangling the threads of religious trauma can be an extremely difficult and overwhelming task. In this post, I lay out six steps to recovery based on my own experiences and those of other people, both pagan and non-pagan, who have lived through religious trauma.

While following these steps will help jumpstart your spiritual healing, it’s important to remember that healing is not a linear process — especially healing from emotional, mental, and spiritual trauma. You may have relapses, you may feel like you’re moving in circles, and you may still have bad days in five or ten years. That’s okay. That’s part of the healing process. Go easy on yourself, and let your journey unfold naturally.

Step One: Cut all ties with the group that caused your trauma

Or, at least, cut as many ties as reasonably possible.

Obviously, if you’re still participating in a religious organization that has caused you pain, the first step is to leave! But before you do, make sure you have an exit plan to help you disengage safely and gracefully.

To make your exit plan, start by asking yourself what the best, worst, and most likely case scenarios are, and be honest in your answers. Obviously, the best case scenario is that you leave, everyone accepts it, and all is well. The worst case scenario is that someone tries to prevent you from leaving — you may be harassed by missionaries or concerned churchgoers, for example. But what is the most likely case scenario? That depends on the religious community, their beliefs, and how involved you were in the first place. When making your exit plan, prepare for the most likely scenario, but have a backup plan in case the worst case scenario happens.

Once you’ve prepared yourself for the best, worst, and most likely outcomes, choose a friend, significant other, or family member who can help you make your exit. Ideally, this person is not a member of the group you are trying to leave. Their role is mainly to provide emotional support, although they may also need to be willing to run off any well-meaning missionaries who come calling. This person can also help you transition after you leave. For example, you might make a plan to get coffee with them every week during the time your old religious community holds worship services.

Finally, make your strategy for leaving. Choose a date and don’t put it off! If you have any responsibilities within the group, send in a letter of resignation. Figure out who you’ll need to have conversations with about your leaving — this will likely include any family members or close friends who are still part of the group. Schedule those conversations. Make sure to have them in public places, where people will be less likely to make a scene.

If you feel it is necessary, you may want to request that your name be removed from the group’s membership records so you don’t get emails, phone calls, or friendly visits from them in the future. You may not feel the need to do this, but if contact with the group triggers a mental health crisis, this extra step will help keep you safe.

Of course, it’s not always possible to completely cut ties with a group after leaving. You may have family members, a significant other, or close friends who are still members. If this is the case, you’ll need to establish some clear boundaries. Politely but firmly tell them that, although you’re glad their faith adds value to their lives, you are not willing to be involved in their religious activities. Let them know that this is what is best for your mental and emotional health and that you still value your relationship with them.

Try to make compromises that allow you to preserve the relationship without exposing you to a traumatic religious environment. For example, if your family is Christian and always spends all day on Christmas at church, offer to celebrate with them the day after, once their religious commitments are over.

Hopefully, your loved ones can respect these boundaries. If not, you may need to distance yourself or walk away altogether. If they are knowingly undermining your attempts to take care of yourself, they don’t deserve to be in your life.

During this time, you may find it helpful to read other people’s exit stories online or in books. One of my personal favorites is the book Girl at the End of the World by Elizabeth Esther. Hearing other people’s stories can help you remember that other people have been through similar situations and made it out on the other side. You will too.

Step Two: Seek professional help

I cannot overstate the importance of professional counseling when dealing with trauma of any kind, including religious trauma. Therapists and counselors have the benefit of professional training. They are able to be objective, since they’re approaching the situation from the outside. They can keep you from getting bogged down in your own thoughts and feelings.

I understand that not everyone has access to therapy. I am very lucky to have insurance that covers mental health counseling, but I know not everyone has that privilege. However, there are some options that make therapy more affordable.

There may be an organization in your area that offers free or low-cost therapy — if you live in the U.S., you can find information about these services by checking the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) HelpLine or visiting mentalhealth.gov. You can also look for therapists who use a sliding scale for payment, which means they determine an hourly rate based on the client’s income. And finally, if you have a little bit of extra cash you may want to look into therapy apps like BetterHelp or Talkspace, which are typically cheaper than in-person therapy.

If none of those options work for you, the next best option is to join a support group. Support groups allow you to connect with other people whose experiences are similar to yours and, unlike therapy, they allow you to get advice and feedback from multiple people. These groups are often free, although some charge a small fee.

Finding the right group for you is important. You’re unlikely to find a group for people recovering from religious trauma but, depending on the nature of your trauma, you may fit right in with a grief and loss group, an addiction recovery group, or a group for adult survivors of child abuse. If you’re a member of the LGBTQ+ community, you may be able to find a queer support group. (The LGBTQ+ club at my college was an invaluable resource in my recovery!) Depending on your area, you may also be able to find groups for specific mental and emotional issues like depression or anxiety.

Make sure to do your research before attending a meeting. Find out what, if anything, the group charges, who can join, and whether they use a curriculum or have unstructured sessions. See if you can find a statement about their values and philosophy. Make a note of where meetings are held and of who is running the group. Some support groups meet in churches and may or may not have a religious element to their curriculum. It’s best to avoid religious groups — the last thing you need right now is to be preached to.

Getting other people involved in your recovery will make you feel less alone and prevent you from getting stuck in your own head. A good therapist, counselor, or support group can help you realize what you need to work on and give you ideas for how to approach it.

Step Three: Deprogramming

“Deprogramming” refers to the practice of undoing brainwashing and reintroducing healthy thought patterns. This term is normally used in the context of cult survivors and their recovery, but deprogramming techniques can also be helpful for people recovering from a lifetime of toxic religious rhetoric.

To begin the process of deprogramming, familiarize yourself with the way organizations use thought control to shape the behavior of their members. I recommend starting with the work of Steven Hassan — his BITE model is a handy way to classify types of thought control.

The BITE model lays out four types of control. There’s Behavior Control, which controls what members do and how they spend their free time. (For example, requiring members to attend multiple hours-long meetings each week.) There’s Information Control, which restricts members’ access to information. (For example, denying certain aspects of the group’s history.) There’s Thought Control, which shapes the way members think. (For example, classifying certain thoughts as sinful or dirty.) And finally there’s Emotional Control, which manipulates members’ emotions. (For example, instilling fear of damnation or punishment.)

Here’s a simple exercise to get you started with your deprogramming. Divide a blank sheet of paper into four equal sections. Label one section “Behavior,” one “Information,” one “Thought,” and one “Emotions.” Now, in each section, make a list of the ways your old religious group controlled — and maybe still controls — that area of your life. Once you’ve completed your lists, choose a single item from one of your lists to work on undoing.

For example, let’s say that in your “Information” column, you’ve written that you were discouraged from reading certain books because they contained “evil” ideas. (For a lot of people, this was Harry Potter. For me, it was The Golden Compass.) Pick up one of those books, and read it or listen to it as an audiobook. Once you’ve read it, write down your thoughts. Did you enjoy it? Why or why not? Why do you think your group banned it? What was in this book that they didn’t want you to know about? Write it down.

Once you’ve worked on the first thing, choose something else. Keep going until you’ve undone all the items on your lists.

If you want to go further with deprogramming, I recommend the book Recovering Agency by Luna Lindsey. Although this book is specifically written for former Mormons, I genuinely believe it would be helpful to former members of other controlling religious groups as well. Lindsey does an excellent job of explaining how thought control works and of connecting it to real world examples, as well as deconstructing those ideas. Her book has been a huge help in my recovery process, and I highly recommend it.

Step Four: Replace toxic beliefs and practices with healthy ones

This goes hand-in-hand with step three, and if you’re already working on deprogramming then you’ll already have started replacing your unhealthy beliefs. This is the turning point in the recovery process. You’re no longer just undoing what others have done to you — now you get an opportunity to decide what you want to believe and do going forward. This is the time to let go of things like denial of your desires, fear of divine punishment, and holding yourself to unattainable standards. Get used to living in a way that makes you happy, without guilt.

Notice how each step builds on the previous steps. Therapy and deprogramming can help you identify what beliefs and behaviors need to be adjusted or replaced. Your therapist, support group, and/or emotional support person can help you make these changes and follow through on them.

These new beliefs and practices don’t have to be religious — in fact, it’s better if they aren’t. If you can live a healthy, happy, balanced life without religion, you’ll be in a better position to choose a religion that is the right fit for you, if that is something you want.

Your new healthy, non-religious practices may include: mindfulness meditation, nature walks, journaling, reading, exercise, energy work, learning a hobby or craft, or spending time with loves ones — or it might include none of these things, and that’s okay too. Now is the time to find what brings you joy and start doing it every day.

Step Five: Ritual healing

This is an optional step, but it’s one that has been deeply healing for me. You may find it helpful to design and perform a ritual to mark your recovery.

Note that when I say “ritual,” I don’t necessarily mean magic. Rituals serve a psychological purpose as well as a spiritual one. They can act as powerful symbolic events that mark a turning point in our lives or reinforce what we already know and believe. Even if you don’t believe in magic, even if you’re the least spiritual person you know, you can still benefit from ritual.

You might choose to perform a ritual to finalize your healing, or to symbolically throw off the chains of your old religion. It can be elaborate or simple, long or short, joyful or solemn. It might include lighting a candle and saying a few words. It might include ecstatic dance. It might include drawing or painting a representation of all the negative emotions associated with your old religion, then ritually destroying it. The possibilities are literally endless. (If you’re looking for ritual ideas, I recommend the book Light Magic for Dark Times by Lisa Marie Basile.)

One type of ritual that some people find very empowering is unbaptism. An unbaptism is exactly what it sounds like — the opposite of a baptism. The idea is that, if a baptism makes a Christian, an unbaptism makes someone un-Christian, no longer part of that lineage. It is a ritual rejection of Christianity. (Obviously, this only applies if you’re a former Christian, though some of the following suggestions could be adjusted to fit a rejection of other religions.)

If you’re interested in unbaptism, here are some ideas for how it could be done:

A classic method of unbaptism is to recite the Lord’s Prayer backwards under a full moon. (For a non-Christians version, use a significant prayer from whatever religion you have left.)

Run a bath. Add a tiny pinch of sulfur (a.k.a. brimstone) to the water. Get into the bath and say, “By water I was baptized, and by water my baptism is rejected.” Submerge your entire body under the water for several seconds. When you come back up, your unbaptism is complete. (You may want to shower after this one. Sulfur does not smell good.)

The Detroit Satanic Temple has a delightfully dramatic unbaptism ritual. For a DIY version, you will need holy water or some other relic from the faith you were baptized in, a fireproof dish, a black candle, and an apple or other sweet fruit. Light the candle and place it in your fireproof dish. Toss some holy water onto the flame (not enough to extinguish it) and say, “I cast my chains into the dust of hell.” Take a bite of the apple and say, “I savor the fruit of knowledge and disobedience.” Finally, declare proudly, “I am unbaptized.” You can add “in the name of Satan” at the end or leave it out, depending on your comfort level.

Personally, I’ve never felt the need to unbaptize myself. I’ve ritually rejected my Mormon upbringing in other ways. Maybe someday I’ll decide to go for the unbaptism, but I’ve never really felt like I needed it. Likewise, you’ll need to decide for yourself what ritual(s) will work for you.

Step Six: Honor your recovery

Our first reaction to trauma is to hide it away and never speak of it again. When we do this, we do ourselves a disservice. Your recovery is a part of your life story. You had the strength to walk away from a situation that was hurting you, and that deserves to be celebrated! Be proud of yourself for how far you’ve come!

You may choose to honor your recovery by celebrating an important date every year, like the day you decided to leave the group, the date of the last meeting you attended, or the date you were removed from the membership records. Keep this celebration fun and light — get drinks with friends, bake a cake for yourself, or just take a few moments to silently acknowledge your journey.

If you feel like having a party is a bit much, you can also honor your recovery by talking to other people about your experiences. Share your story with others. If you’re feeling shy, try sharing your story anonymously online. (Reddit has several forums specifically for anonymous stories.) You’ll be amazed by how validating it can be to tell people what you’ve been through. `

Another way to honor your recovery is to work for personal and religious freedom for all people. Protest laws with religious motivations. Donate to organizations that campaign for the separation of church and state. Educate people about how to recognize an unhealthy religious organization. Let your own story motivate you to help others who are in similar situations.

And most of all, take joy in your journey. Be proud of yourself for how far you’ve come, but know that your recovery is a lifelong journey. Be gentle and understanding with yourself. You are doing what is right for you, and no god or spirit worthy of worship could ever be upset by that.

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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Here's a quandary I've suddenly found myself in: where do you stand on writers deleting their own works, fanfiction or otherwise? I've had this happen to me on more than one occasion - I go to look for an old favorite and find it's since been deleted from whatever site I read it on.

On the one hand, I'm inclined to think that, "Sure. The author wrote it, it's their call. I don't own the work - I certainly didn't pay for it. It's their decision, even if it's disappointing."

But at the same time I can't help but consider the alternative - if I believe in death of the author (and I do), that an author's work fundamentally isn't solely theirs once it's been published, posted, etc., then it also seems wrong to have a work deleted. Stories aren't the sole property of their creator, after all.

But then I circle back. D'you think there are different obligations between authors and readers and the works being made in fandom space? I know if I had bought a book and the author decided they wanted it back, I would feel pretty comfortable telling them no, given I'd paid for it and whatnot. But that's a different world from fanfic and fandom space generally.

So. You're insightful Clyde, I'm curious as to what you'll have to say here (and to all y'all thinking about it, don't flame me. I haven't decided where I stand here yet - haven't heard a good nail-in-the-coffin argument for or against yet).

Val are you a mind reader now? I’ve been thinking about this exact conundrum the last few days!

(And yeah, as a general disclaimer: no flaming. Not allowed. Any asks of the sort will be deleted on sight and with great satisfaction.)

Honestly, I’m not sure there is a “nail-in-the-coffin argument” for this, just because—as you lay out—there are really good points for keeping works around and really good points for allowing authors to have control over their work, especially when fanworks have no payment/legal obligations attached. In mainstream entertainment, your stories reflect a collaborative effort (publisher, editor, cover artists, etc.) so even if it were possible to delete the physical books out of everyone’s home and library (and we're ignoring the censorship angle for the moment), that’s no longer solely the author’s call, even if they have done the lion’s share of the creative work. Though fanworks can also, obviously, be collaborative, they’re usually not collaborative in the same way (more “This fic idea came about from discord conversations, a couple tumblr posts, and that one headcanon on reddit”) and they certainly don’t have the same monetary, legal, and professional strings attached. I wrote this fic as a hobby in my free time. Don’t I have the right to delete it like I also have the right to tear apart the blankets I knit?

Well yes… but also no? I personally view fanworks as akin to gifts—the academic term for our communities is literally “gift economy”—so if we view it like that, suddenly that discomfort with getting rid of works is more pronounced. If I not only knit a blanket, but then gift it to a friend, it would indeed feel outside of my rights to randomly knock on their door one day and go, “I actually decided I hate that? Please give it back so I can tear it to shreds, thanks :)” That’s so rude! And any real friend would try to talk me out of it, explaining both why they love the blanket and, even if it’s not technically the best in terms of craftsmanship, it holds significant emotional value to them. Save it for that reason alone, at least. Fanworks carry that same meaning—“I don’t care if it’s full of typos, super cliché, and using some outdated, uncomfortable tropes. This story meant so much to me as a teenager and I’ll always love it”—but the difference in medium and relationships means it’s easier to ignore all that. I’m not going up to someone’s house and asking face-to-face to destroy something I gave them (which is awkward as hell. That alone deters us), I’m just pressing a button on my computer. I’m not asking this of a personal friend that is involved in my IRL experiences, I’m (mostly) doing this to online peers I know little, if anything, about. It’s easy to distance ourselves from both the impact of our creative work and the act of getting rid of it while online. On the flip-side though, it’s also easier to demean that work and forget that the author is a real person who put a lot of effort into this creation. If someone didn’t like my knitted blanket I gave them as a gift, they’re unlikely to tell me that. They recognize that it’s impolite and that the act of creating something for them is more important than the construction’s craftsmanship. For fanworks though, with everyone spread around the world and using made up identities, people have fewer filters, happily tearing authors to shreds in the comments, sending anon hate, and the like. The fact that we’re both prefacing this conversation with, “Please don’t flame” emphasizes that. So if I wrote a fic with some iffy tropes, “cringy” dialogue, numerous typos, whatever and enough people decided to drag me for it… I don’t know whether I’d resist the urge to just delete the fic, hopefully ending those interactions. There’s a reason why we’re constantly reminding others to express when they enjoy someone else’s work: the ratio of praise to criticism in fandom (or simply praise to seeming indifference because there was no public reaction at all), is horribly skewed.

So I personally can’t blame anyone for deleting. I’d like to hope that more people realize the importance of keeping fanworks around, that everything you put out there is loved by someone… but I’m well aware that the reality is far more complicated. It’s hard to keep that in mind. It’s hard to keep something around that you personally no longer like. Harder still to keep up a work you might be harassed over, that someone IRL discovered, that you’re disgusted with because you didn’t know better back then… there are lots of reasons why people delete and I ultimately can’t fault them for that. I think the reasons why people delete stem more from problems in fandom culture at large—trolling, legal issues, lack of positive feedback, cancel culture, etc.—than anything the author has or has not personally done, and since such work is meant to be a part of an enjoyable hobby… I can’t rightly tell anyone to shoulder those problems, problems they can’t solve themselves, just for the sake of mine or others’ enjoyment. The reason I’ve been thinking about this lately is because I was discussing Attack on Titan and how much I dislike the source material now, resulting in a very uncomfortable relationship with the fics I wrote a few years back. I’ve personally decided to keep them up and that’s largely because some have received fantastic feedback and I’m aware of how it will hurt those still in the fandom if I take them down. So if a positive experience is the cornerstone of me keeping fics up, I can only assume that negative experiences would likewise been the cornerstone of taking them down. And if getting rid of that fic helps your mental health, or solves a bullying problem, or just makes you happier… that, to me, is always more important than the fic itself.

But, of course, it’s still devastating for everyone who loses the work, which is why my compromise-y answer is to embrace options like AO3’s phenomenal orphaning policy. That’s a fantastic middle ground between saving fanworks and allowing authors to distances themselves from them. I’ve also gotten a lot more proactive about saving the works I want to have around in the future. Regardless of whether we agree with deleting works or not, the reality is we do live in a world where it happens, so best to take action on our own to save what we want to keep around. Though I respect an author’s right to delete, I also respect the reader’s right to maintain access to the work, once published, in whatever way they can. That's probably my real answer here: authors have their rights, but readers have their rights too, so if you decide to publish in the first place, be aware that these rights might, at some point, clash. I download all my favorite fics to Calibre and, when I’m earning more money (lol) I hope to print and bind many for my personal library. I’m also willing to re-share fic if others are looking for them, in order to celebrate the author’s work even if they no longer want anything to do with it. Not fanfiction in this case, but one of my fondest memories was being really into Phantom of the Opera as a kid and wanting, oh so desperately, to read Susan Kay’s Phantom. Problem was, it was out of print at the time, not available at my library, and this was before the age of popping online and finding a used copy. For all intents and purposes, based on my personal situation, this was a case of a book just disappearing from the world. So when an old fandom mom on the message boards I frequented offered to type her copy up chapter by chapter and share it with me, you can only imagine how overjoyed I was. Idk what her own situation was that something like scanning wouldn’t work, but the point is she spent months helping a fandom kid she barely knew simply because a story had resonated with her and she wanted to share it. That shit is powerful!

So if someone wants to delete—if that’s something they need right now—I believe that is, ultimately, their decision… but please try your hardest to remember that the art you put out into the world is having an impact and people will absolutely miss it when it’s gone. Often to the point of doing everything they can to put it back out into the world even if you decide to take it out. Hold onto that feeling. The love you have for your favorite fic, fanart, meta, whatever it is? Someone else has that for your work too. I guarantee it.

So take things down as needed, but for the love of everything keep copies for yourself. You may very well want to give it back to the world someday.

#fandom #fic things #mymetas #never any easy questions on this blog huh? lol

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firstginger · 3 years

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daemon roundup: ducks from my birding book i think are cool

HOODED MERGANSER, Lophodytes cucullatus Bio: The hooded merganser is a species of diving duck that feeds primarily on aquatic insects, crayfish, and small fish. Notably one of the few species of diving ducks that hunt fish, they have exceptional eyesight that has adapted to hunt underwater and they propel themselves along with their feet. They're named for their crests which can expand and fan out (like the picture above) particularly when courting females. These ducks are found in wetland forests as well as ponds and lakes, though their highly specific diet makes them sensitive to deforestation and water pollution. They're short-distance migrants and will form monogamous pairs during breeding season, and are commonly seen roosting in large groups. Traits: The hooded merganser soul is a bold, determined individual. They’re gregarious and socially tolerant, and as such are the type of person to feel at home in a group or by themselves, so long as their freedom of expression is not restricted. A hooded merganser does not mince words. They have a very strong sense of self and their image, and they strive to meet it. Their sense of pride comes from their achievements and recognition of them; for this reason, they are typically independent workers, reveling in the thought and execution of their ideas, and savoring the outcome. They’re absolutely ambitious and the type to have big ideas and follow through, though the ends tend to justify the means for them, and they have no issue with cutting corners or picking up work that others have started to make their dreams happen. This definitely gives them a headstrong and competitive reputation. In combination, it’s easy to imagine that a hooded merganser soul can get “blinders” on and struggle to acknowledge others’ contributions or perspectives outside their own. Their energy is in quick bursts rather than patience. They may be prone to rashness or sudden impulsivity when they find an opportunity; their quick-thinking is both a strength and weakness. The hooded merganser’s bold and ambitious energy within their own niche may surprise others when they realize how sensitive they are. They’re not terribly adaptable people and tend to trip over their own feet when suddenly they have to plan rather than rely on their honed instincts. They don’t like going into things blind or making a fool out of themselves, and do the best when their large spirit can shine in their favorite activity.

SURF SCOTER, Melanitta perspicillata Bio: These beautiful sea ducks are commonly seen floating on the water's surface and then diving for their prey. Their diet consists primarily of mollusks, crustaceans, and pondweeds. They are molt migrants: after nesting on freshwater lakes, they'll fly to sheltered waters where they congregate in flocks of thousands among ocean coasts and bays. Their flight feathers will molt leaving them flightless for a period of about a month. Pairs are formed monogamously and they have high fidelity of nesting areas. Interestingly, chicks will sometimes move between broods, for they feed independently and only rely on their mothers for protection and leading them to food-rich areas. They're rather silent birds and typically only vocalize during courtship and alarm calls. Traits: The surf scoter soul is a mostly tolerant, internal individual. They tend to be most comfortable in a group or among like-minded companions, as they have a vulnerable streak and derive confidence from being surrounded by support. It can therefore be easy to mistake this person as a wallflower among a crowd, while nothing could be further from the truth. While not the most adaptable of individuals, they have highly independent and keen minds. Surf scoters are opportunistic and flexible thinkers within their comfort zone. They enjoy solving problems and don’t require recognition to appreciate their successes. In fact, teamwork isn’t terribly natural to them. They’re the live and let live sort, and even their closest friends might find them distant, just because the surf scoter appreciates space to explore themselves and assumes others do as well. Perhaps surprisingly then, they’re also quite protective. They are the type of person who gets quietly attached to people and spaces, and this typically quiet soul will come to life when that is threatened. These sudden bursts of emotion can be unanticipated by those around them: their habit is to bottle up their feelings and perhaps not even be completely conscious of it themselves, until it reaches a boiling point and comes free. They tend to get lost in their ideas. They’re absolutely a work smarter not harder kind of person, and will not keep persisting with something if it’s not working, preferring to drop plans that aren’t panning out. Curious and determined, these individuals exhibit a focused drive and quiet willingness to succeed.

MUSCOVY DUCK, Cairina moschata Bio: The muscovy duck has both a domesticated and wild variant, the former of which is only found in southern Texas and northern Mexico. They're one of the oldest domesticated fowl species, notably kept by the Aztecs and native people of Peru and Paraguay. Both wild and domestic variants are large birds; they have strong claws to perch in trees as well as dabble in wetlands, ponds, and lagoons. They're non-migratory and forage by grazing or catching small fish, amphibians, reptiles, crustaceans, and insects in shallow water. They're an aggressive species that will fight over food, territory, and mates. Males impress females by raising their large crests; they don’t form monogamous pairs and many females will mate with the most desired male, though adults will communally protect chicks. They're very hierarchical and communicate in a variety of ways, including tail waggling, crest raising, hissing, quacking, and head bobbing. Traits: The muscovy duck soul is extroverted and impressive. At their best they’re confident and bold, though their important sense of self-image makes them prone to feelings of inadequacy if they don’t meet their own expectations. They’re highly sensitive to group feedback in both a good and bad way: recognition and praise makes their day, while criticism causes them to wilt and push themselves harder. They’re very socially shrewd and observant when it comes to hierarchies. The muscovy duck likes to know where they stand among others and feel secure in their place. They don’t do well alone and can be prone to insecurity and self-doubt when by themselves, but they truly blossom among others, and strive to make themselves valued and included among their friends. They put a lot of stock in success: they like to be acknowledged and needed, but they want to do it their way. The muscovy duck can absolutely be hard-headed and stubborn. While they’re very flexible, they’re not the most open-minded and find that the best ideas come from their own head. They have no issue with communication — these people happily tell others when they’re appreciated, and when they’re wrong. The muscovy duck can therefore be blunt and dish it out better than they can take it so to speak, but their inner strength makes them excellent at bouncing back. They are not put down for long, and failures tend to just fuel their drive for success. Their energy makes them boisterous, talkative companions, most typically the natural leaders of friend groups who relish being included.

KING EIDER, Somateria spectabilis Bio: An arctic duck, the king eider is best recognized for its colorful bill plate. They are highly adapted for the freezing temperatures due to the layer of down beneath their feathers that traps air to help it retain heat and maintain buoyancy. They'll form large flocks on frigid coastal waters consisting of thousands of birds. The king eider hunts both in the open ocean and in shallow tundra lakes. At sea, they dive up to 150 feet to the sea floor to feed on benthic invertebrates as well as mollusks, crustaceans, and urchins. During the breeding season, they’ll dabble in lakes and sein to catch small invertebrate prey. They are more isolated during breeding and will form pairs; incubation and chick raising is conducted by both the male and female, and females will sometimes defend chicks communally, though males are not nest territorial. Traits: The king eider soul is hardy and companionable. These individuals are sociable and highly agreeable; they’re very tolerant of other people and perspectives, and overall are go-with-the-flow types who don’t keep strong boundaries. They’re not terribly hierarchical and among those with duck daemons are one of the least competitive. It can be said then that they’re much more self-focused and concerned with their own well-being. They’d much rather conserve their energy for their own ambitions and visions, though they aren’t pushovers when it comes to something that matters to them, and will clearly get their point across when someone steps over the line. These individuals clearly excel in their sense of resolution and determination. They aren’t easily ruffled; they’re very secure internally, and proud of their hardiness. When it comes to their work, they put their all into their efforts, and have an excellent sense of ambition and opportunism. King eiders are self-driven and flexible thinkers, and have incredible endurance when it comes to pursuing things. Their enduring demeanor makes them naturals at managing difficult situations while maintaining their inner determination — tolerant and focused, they know their expertise speaks for itself. While not cold by any degree, like other sea bird souls the king eider isn’t known for their teamwork, though is tangentially supportive to their friends who needed. They have a mature perspective on life and enjoy fending for themselves.

#daemon roundup #daemonism #form finding #hdm #long post

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firstumcschenectady · 3 years

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“Interconnected” based on James 1:17-27

Welcome to the book of James. It is one of my favorites, despite the fact that it takes away one of my best preaching tools. That is, I usually spend a lot of time explaining context and making sense of a scripture in the time and place it was written. But James is almost a form of wisdom literature. It is universal. So, we're able to spend our time on the ideas in the book directly.

James is written to the followers of Jesus in the diaspora – that is, those who lived outside of the Holy Land. The ones who had been DISPERSED from the land of their ancestors in faith. This feels relevant right now too. I don't know any church members at FUMC Schenectady who would claim modern Palestine or Israel as their native land, but I think that all of us are displaced from the “land” we once knew, and have not yet settled into the “land” we'll live in eventually. The Pandemic has displaced us all (although not all the same amount.)

In this opening chapter of the book of James, we are urged to LIVE our faith. James wants faith in ACTION. He urges people not to just listen to preachers ;) but to LIVE their faith, and he gets rather specific about it. James believes that people who are followers of Jesus should be acting out different values than the world's.

The crux of the advice from today's passage is “let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger; for your anger does not produce God's righteousness.” For James, this is integral in what it means to be “religious” - right up there with caring about God's beloveds who the world doesn't value (“widows and orphans.”)

As far as I can figure it out, the work of Christians is to build the kindom of God. The kindom, sometimes called the beloved community, is God's vision for the world. We will know it is here when the power of love overcomes the love of power; when the abundant resources of the world are used for the good of all people; when kin-ship connections cross all boundaries; when the poorest and most vulnerable people have enough to survive and thrive; when no one has to teach anyone about God because God is known by all. The kindom is God's long term plan for us, and our work to get there happens in two broad ways: first, by creating Christian communities where we practice kin-dom values and treat each other like we're already there and second by working with God to share love, to seek mercy, and advocate for justice so that the world is healed.

One of the parts of kindom building that can be hard sometimes is that it requires seeing clearly what the world is like now. We have to do this so we can hold it in tension with how God would have the world be in the kindom, but often the aching pain of the world as it is can be hard to let ourselves see clearly. For instance, we can't work towards a world without rape and violence unless we admit that we live in a world with rape and violence, and that there are barriers to changing it. So, we seek to see clearly. We seek to see how things are AND how God wants them to be.

Now, I don't want to shock you or anything, but the United States is a highly individualistic society. (The kindom is not.) We in the US have proven to the world how terribly individualism works – time and time again. Including in our responses to the COVID-19 Pandemic.

You might think that if you were looking at this pandemic with clear eyes that you would see that none of us can be well unless all of us are well- that we are collectively only as healthy as the least healthy among us – that every act of protection and prevention has enormous ripple effects. However, if we had learned this lesson, we'd be spending as much as possible to make it feasible to vaccinate every willing person in the world as soon as possible. We'd even do this before triple vaccinating our own population, because slowing down the spread of the virus is the most important way to keep everyone safe, healthy, and alive. The well being of all and the well being of the USA actually align! Yet, we miss the mark.

The book of James has an interesting perspective on the relationship that Christians have to the world. In the face of the injustices of the Roman Empire, the wealth inequality, the slavery, the power imbalances, the death rates of the poor, James urges the faithful … not to get angry.

I find that my first instinct is to argue with this a little bit. “Are you sure?” “What about when...?” Yet, even as I argue, I am convicted by this passage.

Society is rife with anger. Anger is pulling us apart at the seams. Some of the anger, I'd argue, is “righteous.” It is a response to injustice that needs to be seen, acknowledged, named, and addressed. We'll talk about that in a moment.

Most of the anger is misplaced. The anger is being used to create groups of “us” that stand against “them,” and those distinctions dismiss that everyone in both groups are beloveds of God. The anger is being used to provoke fear, sell products, pass unjust laws, and elect politicians. The anger is being USED.

And James points out directly that the people who want others to get angry are selling them on the idea that if they get angry enough, they will provoke God to action. James says it won't work though. God will act when God will act, and furthermore, prayer is a better way to go about it. Anger serves the people promoting it, not God.

But what about righteous anger? As I've been saying recently, anger is a “secondary” emotion. That is, it exists like a red flag to mark a place where something that is held precious is being violated. It lets us know when our values are attacked, and underneath that is another emotion. Most often anger is there to act as the bodyguard to sadness or the diversion to fear.

Sadness and fear are sufficient. They can guide us to good action, they can show us the ways of compassion, they can help us grow together. They are wise enough, that once we find them, we can let go of the anger that guided us to them.

Which means that the way to be “slow to anger” is often to identify anger, and then sit with it and find out what is underneath it. It means that we sometimes need to listen – to ourselves and our tender emotions. God is there, with us when we listen, with us when we feel, with us when we discover what is under our anger. This is, even, a form of God's healing, God's salve in our lives.

Of course, “be slow to anger” is the third piece of advice we're given in today's passage. The first two are to be quick to listen and slow to speak. It seems clear that James' advice is aimed at faith COMMUNITIES, because his advice is aimed at deepening and maintaining good relationships among the followers of Jesus.

For the past several years, I have participated in “listening circles.” These intentional spaces have careful guidelines that are aimed at making sure there is holy and sacred space for listening – and speaking. At times there have been 20 or 30 people in these circles, and you might think that there would be a lot more speaking than listening. But, there isn't. Often there are prolonged silences between speakers, and they feel like time to absorb the wisdom one beloved of God has offered. When the obligation to have a response is taken away, along with the tendency toward chit-chat, there is spaciousness for silence and listening.

When I hear James say, “be quick to listen, slow to speak” I think of how healing those circles have been in my life. I love being freed from having to have a response to something someone says, and instead just listen to them and receive their wisdom. And, when I do speak into such a space, I am astounded at the power that comes with being heard with love.

As much as I have loved these experiences though, it isn't clear to me how to live “be quick to listen, slow to speak” ALL the time. Really listening to another of God's beloveds takes energy and attention, and … let's be honest dear ones, those are finite resources!!! We will drain ourselves if we try to listen WELL all the time. (I've tried.)

That said, there is a being who is capable of listening with complete attention, and full energy, with love and compassion, with care and support – all day, every day, to all of us. God, the creator, sustainer, redeemer has gifted us with life, and God is with us breathing new life into us day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, and even second by second. When we seek God in prayer and meditation, we find that God is close at hand, ready and able to offer us healing. When all we have to offer are sighs too deep for words, God knows what we mean. When we are full of words, God listens until we have exhausted them. When we are able to be with the Divine in holy silence, God meets us there. And, of course, when what we offer God is our listening, …

well, that's when things really start to happen ;)

James encourages us to an active faith – not just to worship God once a week, but to live out faith in every day. He reminds us that the very people the world dismisses (the “widows and orphans”) are the ones that followers of Christ take care of. James doesn't hate the world – though he isn't impressed with it either - but he doesn't think being angry with it is going to change it. James encourages the people of faith to act differently. Take care of the struggling and vulnerable, listen deeply, speak with intention, slow down anger and learn its lessons instead of acting it out. Don't replicate the brokenness of the world – change it.

So, dear ones of God, I invite you to God's restoration, God's healing of the world, God's work of the Kindom: be quick to listen; be slow to speak; be slow to anger. With such “simple” acts as these, we can heal the world. May God help us. Amen

Rev. Sara E. Baron

First United Methodist Church of Schenectady

603 State St. Schenectady, NY 12305

Pronouns: she/her/hers

http://fumcschenectady.org/

https://www.facebook.com/FUMCSchenectady

September 5, 2021

#Thinking Church #Progressive Christianity #book of james #doersoftheword #Slow to anger #Slow to speak #Quick to listen #Parker Palmer #Circles of Trust #Kindom building #Seeing clearly #FUMC Schenectady #UMC #schenectady #Sorry about the umc #Rev Sara E Baron #Pandemic Preaching #What is under anger?

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mfkinanaa · 3 years

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SUN IN AQUARIUS.

Aquarius: Fixed Air

Ruler: Saturn

Keywords: Idealism, Community, Liberty, Equality, Science

Functional Expression: Socially aware, humanitarian, egalitarian, civilized, impartial, outgoing, unconventional

Dysfunctional Expression: Cold, critical, aloof, overly rational, erratic, blinded by science and reason.

A Collective Orientation.

With the Sun in the collectively-oriented sign of Aquarius, the emphasis is upon finding individuality within the context of a group or community. Aquarians need to find practical solutions to broad social issues, whilst maintaining a detached or objective position.

As an Air sign, Aquarius is concerned with the exchange of information and ideas, of logic and fact. For those with the Sun in Aquarius communication is key, whether this is informally through maintaining social connections, or more formally through practical routes.

Aquarius has much to do with the social side of life, and Aquarians tend to observe the cultural norms upon which communities are built. Sun in Aquarius people may have excellent networking abilities and a broad range of friends. Maintaining equality in relationships is important for those born under this sign.

As a Fixed sign, Aquarius is concerned with durability. They need to establish firm conceptual underpinnings with which to approach life. Aquarians can tenaciously hold onto ideas of what they perceive as right or wrong, and unless they can be shown a logical alternative to an intended course of action, will be unlikely to change.

They can have a reputation for stubbornness, but it is often the Aquarian ability to maintain a tested theory that is at work here, rather than an obstinate disregard of someone else’s point of view.

Intuitive Insight.

Your sign is gifted with the ability to read the zeitgeist, making lightning fast assessments of current conditions based upon prevailing circumstances. At this level, your intuition is a powerful tool, allowing you to see which next step is the most logical one to take. Maintaining flexibility, whilst trusting your electric-like insight, helps you stay one step ahead of the game, ready to adapt to the future as it unfolds within the now.

Although your intentions may be impersonal, once you have decided on something – be it a protocol or a political stance – you can be extremely rigid in maintaining your position, and unwilling to change. Resistance to change can rob you of one of your greatest assets, which is to be at the forefront of the new.

Your journey involves learning lessons of detachment, objectivity and group involvement.

In some senses, you may try to rise above the drama of the everyday to achieve a more elevated or detached perspective. This helps you recognize the best or fairest outcome for all concerned.

Your innate sense of logic urges you to take an impersonal stance in most situations, in the hope that this will allow you to see things clearly, and without bias. Along the way, you will need to learn to recognize feelings or emotions, and the role that these can play in a balanced approach to life.

If you are on the Aquarian journey, then intellectual flexibility as well as emotional intelligence is required.

This sign rules the collective and in many ways, with the Sun in Aquarius you tend to more comfortable with the impersonal, objective and detached than anything intimate.

Aquarius is perhaps the least emotional sign of the Zodiac, and although many of you are highly emotive of course, you are likely to try and deal with things in a calm, rational and logical manner where possible.

Logically Brilliant.

You recognize that pure logic, when artfully applied, helps an individual to see the outcome that is best for all concerned.

Because you tend to see beyond the personal, you can recognize what is right for the group. Because you can detach from purely personal concerns you understand that what is best for one may not be the best for all.

In such circumstances, you are likely to support ideas and principles that are collective in orientation. As you evolve you learn to focus on what will be of benefit to the greatest number of people involved.

For Sun in Aquarius, social awareness, political insight and group involvement is important as you naturally tend to think in ways that are inclusive, collectively-oriented and concerned with principles such as justice, fairness and equality.

You may be motivated by ideas that have a far-reaching political or scientific reach rather than dwelling on personal concerns or short term gains. You may find yourself mixing with a broad range of people, maintaining relationships with people from all walks of life.

You focus on what is similar rather than different in the people you have around.

Aquarius also rules all aspects of science and technology, so you might find you have special talents in any related fields. Broadcast technologies and telecommunications are governed by this sign, as are politics and humanitarian concerns. Engineering, scientific innovation and human resources also falls within its remit.

Many alternative therapies, metaphysical ideas and occult philosophies that have a scientific as well as intuitive bent are ruled by Aquarius. Often, those with the Sun in Aquarius will be found working in such fields.

Your willingness to go it alone when required, and bring into manifestation the new or untested makes you ideally suited to any profession which involves testing and progressive change.

The View From Outside.

From another point of view, you have a way of finding yourself on the outside.

Despite your collective tendencies, you may be the rebel or the rule breaker within your family or community. In many ways, Aquarians tend to be the ones who do not fit.

With the Sun in Aquarius you need to challenge the status quo, so that nothing goes unquestioned for too long. In this way, you may find that no matter what you do, you cant help being controversial to a degree, pushing buttons or asking awkward questions that expose unexamined presumptions for what they are.

Your preference is for fairness, justice and equality at every level, and you question anything or anyone that might prevent this ideal from being realised. You understand that every individual has the right to be themselves. You may find it is easier to uphold this principle for others than for yourself.

There are those with the Sun in Aquarius who experience themselves as an outsider, or separate from the group. Your sense of individuality may be so strong that you do not feel that you relate to others, and operate as a kind of “lone wolf”. But this will keep you isolated and lonely, as well as out of touch with your emotional life. While it is important to uphold your individuality, you must also discover the right group of like-minded others to which you can belong.

This may mean breaking through emotional barriers to discover ways to connect. You are likely to make a great networker or team-builder when you focus on what people have in common rather than what keeps them apart. This same logic can be applied to your personal life. Finding like-minded groups of individuals who can appreciate your unique vision is important, and will help you to belong.

Sun in Aquarius: Your Solar Journey.

Born with the Sun in Aquarius, you are gifted with the logical ability to see things as they really are, and work toward solutions that bring benefit to all. You can rise above emotional entanglements to view life from a detached and impersonal perspective. This gives you access to information that helps bring about progress and change. Your journey involves learning to recognize and value your unique contribution. As you become increasingly adept at this, you bring innovation – even brilliance – to anything you become involved with.

This journey is ultimately one of emotional intelligence. As you become skilled at fusing reason and emotion, you become highly intuitive. You are able to find the solution to practical as well as emotional problems by recognizing the lightning flash of intuition, and employing this insight in logical ways. You teach others the value of equality and change when you make decisions based on what is best for the group. You demonstrate the capacity for unique solutions when you exercise your ability to think outside the box. In this way, you bring much needed freedom to your own and others lives. By giving yourself and others permission to be, you embody authenticity whilst maintaining the individual freedom which is the hallmark of your sign.

#astroworld #astrology #astrotips #aries sign #taurus #gemini #cancer sign #leo #virgo zodiac #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces

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beneaththesoftcloud · 3 years

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I haven’t been on here much recently but I have a story I wanna share because maybe it would be helpful to someone? I don’t really know how to summarize; it’s mainly just my thoughts on an interaction I had and mental health.

I recently went with my mom to visit my grandma out of town and everything was going really well until there was a sudden conflict between me and my mom that sent me for 0 to 60 in less than a second and I snapped. Both of them converged on me and I was so upset and I knew that they were going to be mad at me and scold me and that they wouldn’t stop to listen to anything I had to say because that’s just what I’m used to. I’ve lived with my mom and her boyfriend since the end of 2019 for financial reasons and he doesn’t want me there so pretty much everything I do annoys him and causes conflict in the household. I have several sources of stress but that’s been hard to deal with because I can’t really do anything right in that situation. There’s no way to win (by “win,” I mean “find harmony”) if the only acceptable solution for the other party is “get out of my life asap.” But with the job market being what it is, covid, and the crazy housing prices in my city rising even higher, I live there because I have no other option. I know a lot of people are in the same boat as I am and I cope with my issues the best that I can but obviously the stress is always there and it fuels a lot of anxiety. Sometimes it comes to a head like it did when I was visiting my grandma, especially because my mom has this habit of poking people’s sore spots and then brushing off their reactions and it dirves me crazy.

But instead of coming at me from a disciplinary point of view like I was expecting (despite my age, despite the fact that I was able to live independently for several years before the shit hit the fan, this is the angle my family comes at me with because they see me as a child if I live under their roof), my grandma took an uncharacteristic step back. “This isn’t you, you aren’t an angry person like this, your bucket must be really full for you to be acting this way,” she said and she wrapped her arms around me and it made me realize how very long I’d gone without a hug or similar affection. Moreso, for her to stop and consider the reason why I might be acting so upset after such a short exchange rather than writing me off as a bad kid or trying to punish the reaction was mindblowing to me.

If I get upset, I usually handle it by mentally making a tally of all the tough shit I’m facing right now and I realize, oh, of course I’m stressed, there’s so much on my plate. I take the time to articulate it to myself, even if it’s something small: “No, it’s not the end of the world that mom’s boyfriend tracked grease all over the floor you just mopped. Yes, it feels disrespectful (and sexist) that he always makes messes that you are somehow expected to clean up. These particular footprints will only take a minute or two to clean up, but it makes me feel like he doesn’t value my time or effort. It feels frustrating to feel this lack of respect now when I’m the same person they used to look up to when I taught at a university. I don’t think my job or the dollar amount I bring home should determine the respect I recieve from my family but it seems to impact them a lot; than angers and stresses me.” I can handle emotions and keep them from negativiely impacting others without having to repress things or use the bad coping mechanisms from my childhood by thinking things out this way. But you can’t just think your way out of every problem. If you have a conflict with another person, you have to communicate with them or else there’s no way to fix it. This brings me back around to the main issue: he doesn’t want harmony, he wants to force me out. My mom feels he has more right to be in the house than I do, so she is also a communiticave dead end in this arena more often than not. Her response is to get upset at me for “not getting along.”

Hence, my proverbial bucket is full. It only takes a few drops and then I’m overflowing with all of the pain, indignance, rage, helplessness, etc. and the knowledge that I’m better than this situation I’m stuck in. I see the progress I’ve made toward my goals and I hold onto that to keep me sane. I think, yes, this is a terrible situation and I can’t manicure my emotions and behavior to perfection because that’s impossible, but I want to be the person I want me to be and I’ll try and handle each given situation as that person I want to be. I’m not used to recieving any sympathy for my situation. When my grandma started dishing sympathy out despite my flawed behavior, I didn’t really know what to do. I sort of deflated and tears were falling before I really registered what was going on.

“Here,” she said and she stood right by my side and took my hand, “When you stand like this and you hold someone’s hand, it feels like you’re facing the problem together. If you stand like this,” she moved in front of me and crossed her arms, “this is confrontational. Even sitting across from one another it’s too easy to pit each other against yourselves. But when you’re side by side,” she moved again to my side and took my hand, “you can work things out like this.” She started interviewing me more or less and she didn’t critique anything I felt. She validated my personal struggle, the struggle of my generation, the effort I expend, the disposition I maintain. She didn’t crtique my mom to do any of this and my mom didn’t really jump in for good or bad, she just sort of sat and watched it unfold. There wasn’t really any news; she knew what my problems were and knew it gave me a lot of stress. But she didn’t leave the room, sje sat and listened. And since that trip, she’s tried to initiate a positive interaction with me almost every day over the past week.

And I guess a few things have been hanging around with me. My brother once said to me that you have different people in your life for different reasons when my mom asked him if it was an issue for him that his (kind, sweet) girlfriend has no sense of humor. He said he has me for that, he has friends for that, too, she doesn’t have to be everything for him to love her. Between that interaction and last weekend and just various other things, I just feel that I’ve been given this push along the last few years to allow more people into my life so that I can have different people for different reasons. I’ve always been so isolated and felt I have to do everything on my own. I do think it’s important to have a sense of responsibility for myself, but I think a lot of people feel very pressured to put on thier best face for everyone and only confide in maybe one or two people. If they share things with anyone else, it’s under the pretense of superficial conversation or the guise of a trendy topic. I know I personally tend to avoid sharing vulnerability too openly, too much openess makes it impossible to function day to day. But I also have been very closed off to the point that it doesn’t occur to me to confide even to relatively close family members.

I think there’s so much talk about how self-reliance is the only important thing for happiness in our society that we don’t even realize how prevelant the message is (you don’t need a significant other to be happy, you just need self love! It doesn’t matter if you come from an abusive family, all you need to do to recover is believe in your own strength). And I think there’s comfort in that message when it’s directly opposed from a “family is everything/ blood is most important/ you’re nothing without your roots” type of a message because so many people do have such difficult family situations and it’s important to know your worth outside of that context. But I think, at least for me, I do need affection from people to feel better. Just little bits in different ways from different people, but it can’t all come from myself and have the same healing effect. The same goes for validation, attention, understanding, play, exchange of ideas, etc. And it’s important to have more than one person because otherwise it becomes easy to fall into the trap of expecting too much from one person or causing someone to feel pressured to always ease your mind, and that’s no good.

I’m not really sure where I’m going with all of this but I guess I just feel better. My situation hasn’t changed, it still needs to change before I can really get to a truly healthy and relaxed state, but I feel massively better and I feel like I know how to continue on that path. Forming new relationships is so different in your late twenties than in your late teens and it feels like a weird landscape to navigate, but it’s like a wall that was seperating me from it all has come down. And I feel free instead of naked without that wall.

#i realize this is essitially a kpop blog hello #it's my preferred form of escapism because frankly #you can't be upset 24/7 you have to have something that makes you smile #i just feel like i'm finding balance in my life #like i think you always need something away from your circumstances to focus on #just because it gives you a break #but i feel like i've been having a lot of revelations that have been coming together #just about the most basic human interaction type stuff #but i'm going from knowing these basic things #to actually understanding them and how they fit into my life #and it feels like things are coming together #anyways what my grandma said is right #if you sit side by side with someone and hold their hand it's easier to reconcile #if there's any desire for harmony #that desire rises to the absolute surface and everything else is below #i

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amysubmits · 3 years

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I have loved listening to the podcast and reading the blogs. Your story remind me much of myself. I thought it was all about spanking, but have found that I believe it is about the dominance. I am nervous to talk to significant other about this. We have been together for 7 yrs and live together. I am on the fence about bringing it up, I guess I want to know how to know for sure, some tips on bringing it up to him and how can I tell if he is naturally a dom? He is already pretty dominant in bed.

Thank you! Glad you like them. :)

It’s quite a tricky question because there are many types of dominants and many types of D/s. I can tell you some of the things that existed in CD before we intentionally chose D/s, that I now see as his natural dominance...

He always stood up to handle things when times were tough. A medical crisis, our house flooding, our roommate giving us 2 weeks notice that he won’t be resigning the lease with us, a problem with a neighbor, vehicle trouble. Whatever crap got thrown our way, he was always going to step up and take care of things. He’d get my opinion if I had one to give, or let me help if I wanted to. But when something went wrong he was always going to make sure things were taken care of for both of us. So I guess...he valued responsibility, and was happy to take on responsibility for both of us without seeing that as burdensome or like I wasn’t doing my fair share. He wanted to take care of us in those ways. He’s a problem solver who likes being trusted to take care of things.

He always did his best to be aware of my needs and to meet them. He’s kind of a natural caregiver in that way, he wants me to be okay and he notices when I am not. He is just naturally emotionally aware. I grew up around some men who would pretend to not recognize their wife’s distress until they were metaphorically hit over the head with it because they wanted to not get involved unless they were forced to, basically. CD not like that at all, he wants to be emotionally supportive of me, and he wants to maintain a high level of emotional intimacy with me, he wants to really deeply understand me and so on. He doesn’t run from emotional labor.

He never was bothered by my passiveness, softness, shyness, anxiousness, etc. This is personality-specific, not sub-specific. But a lot of people in my life have thought I should be more adventurous, or bolder, or more assertive. CD never saw me NOT being those things as a weakness.

Obviously, this is very specific to our situation in terms of our genders and our sides of the slash and the style of D/s that we are interested in, but we had talked openly about how we liked “old fashioned relationships’ well before we knew what D/s was. I now recognize that the reason we liked some ‘traditional’ things was that they aligned with our interest in D/s in certain ways.

In just an overarching, vague way, he always kinda wore the pants. Not in a super obvious way like...he wasn’t giving me demands or restrictions, he wouldn’t have done those things before D/s because he didn’t have the right to at the time. But I always wanted to please him and I always wanted to let him have his way when I could. And he was more likely to throw out an idea or suggestion first than I was. So more often than not, he’d suggest something and i’d say sure, and so he led in that natural way prior to D/s.

So these are a few of what stands out to me in hindsight as ‘signs’. But because every dominant is different and every relationship is different, these may be totally different from what you may see in your partner and he could still be a dom. Or someone could have all of these traits and not be a dom in the same way that CD is, at least.

I tend to see being naturally dominant and being ‘a dom’ as things that can be slightly different. Some people can be leaders and caregivers within their relationship but have no interest in intentional D/s in terms of making rules or rituals or protocols or assigning specific roles or doing kink. I’ve talked to people who had partners who had what I saw as clear signs of dominance, but were strongly opposed to trying intentional D/s. Or some are open to some areas of intentional D/s like assigning roles/responsibilities or doing rituals or protocols, but are really put-off by the idea of holding their partner accountable. So in my view anyway, it’s not always as black and white as ‘are they dominant or not?” or ‘are they a dom or not?” it can also be about if they are interested in taking on the roles/responsibilities that align well with your type of submission or the style of D/s that you are drawn to. I think that can really only be discovered through talking about it, and then through trying things out, if he’s open to it, of course. Because some things sound better in theory than they do in practice, and some things don’t sound that exciting in concept but they’ll feel great to you in practice. So sometimes I think you just have to learn what works for you through trial and error.

I don’t remember how it was first brought up, for us. At least not in terms of wording or lead-in or anything like that. I think ultimately how you bring it up won’t matter, it’s more about just finding the moment of courage to initiate that conversation. People often seem to assume that they’ll basically ask for D/s and then get told yes or no. So just in case you’re thinking along those lines, I want to say that in my experience, and I think most people's experience, it’s not a single conversation that ends with an answer. It usually takes several conversations to really even pinpoint what your idea of D/s is (because there are lots of misconceptions and stereotypes out there about it), what things you both may be interested in, the basic details of how it might work, finding answers/solutions to concerns (And there likely will be some concerns) and so on. It’s a complex thing that will require lots of communication. So if you bring it up and the conversation ends without a clear answer? I wouldn’t take that as a bad thing. Honestly, if it ended with “Yippee, lets start D/s tomorrow!” that would be a little concerning to me as it would probably be rushing in and not hammering things out enough.

Anyway I hope something in here was helpful. I guess I just want to restate...there are so many styles of dominance that it’s tough to tell you what signs to look for. I think traits like valuing responsibility, being a caregiver, being trustworthy, honest, consistent, enjoying control (but using it in ethical ways), being a natural leader, etc can all be aspects of dominance but you can also have them and not want D/s. Or you can have those traits and be into one type of D/s while the other partner may be interested in a significantly different type of D/s. Or they may think it sounds interesting, but not really get a ‘buzz’ from it once they try it so they may not really be invested in it longterm. Or they may only be curious at first, but one they try it be blown away at how good it feels to them and how much they want it too. There are just so many variables that I think the only way to find out is to talk and give it a try and see how it feels, see what middle ground you guys can come up with that works for you both.

If you want to follow-up later please do. I love hearing how things go. Good luck! :)

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phantom-le6 · 3 years

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Episode Reviews - Star Trek: The Next Generation Season 4 (3 of 6)

Having taken longer than planned on the earlier reviews for season 4 of Stark Trek: The Next Generation, I am now going to make more effort to stick to my weekly schedule and get the reviews done more frequently, beginning with those I am posting now.

Episode 11: Data’s Day

Plot (as given by me):

Data, in corresponding with Bruce Maddox, outlines a typical day aboard the Enterprise, making particular emphasis on the aspect of friendship.

At the start of the day, Data is relieved early from his command of the night shift so he has more time to participate in the wedding rehearsal for Chief Miles O’Brien’s wedding to Keiko Ishikara, a civilian botanist assigned to the Enterprise. Data is acting as ‘father of the bride’, but when he visits Keiko, he learns she is calling off the wedding as she believes it will make her happy, and asks Data to relay the news to Miles. Data presumes this will make the chief happy if it is what Keiko wants, but Miles is inevitably upset. Later, Data talks to Lt. Commander George La Forge, who explains Keiko just has pre-wedding anxiety and the real wedding will still take place as usual.

As a Vulcan ambassador arrives on board with a secretive mission that takes the Enterprise into the Neutral Zone, Data proceeds on Geordi’s advice to act as if the wedding will still take place; he discusses the concept of wedding gifts and customs with Worf and enlists Dr Crusher’s assistance in learning to dance. At Chief O’Brien’s request, Data then attempts to convince Keiko to go through with the wedding, but she reacts angrily to his efforts, prompting him to seek advice from Counsellor Troi. She advises Data that Miles and Keiko need to be left alone to resolve the matter themselves. When their conversation brings up the idea that growing old together is a key component of marriage, Data reveals that despite his lack of emotion, he has never ruled out the idea that one day he might marry someone. However, given Data’s inability to age, he would never be able to ‘grow old’ with a spouse.

Data is then summoned by Ambassador T’Pel, who enquires about the Enterprise’s defence systems, but she drops the query when Data mentions he has the same safeguards as the ship’s computers and would be required to notify the Captain. The ambassador claims she was only testing his safeguards, so Data accepts this on the premise that Vulcans do not lie, though on some level he remains suspicious.

Later, Data is taught to dance by Dr Crusher; this initially does not go quite to plan as the doctor teaches Data tap-dancing before he explains that his intent was to learn dances appropriate for the wedding. She then begins to teach Data a slow dance, but this is complicated by Data needing to see Dr Crusher’s feet to emulate her steps, and the lesson is interrupted by a crew member going into labour, requiring Data to finish his lesson with a holographic partner. Data eventually returns to the bridge just before the Enterprise reaches its rendezvous with a Romulan warbird, and the ambassador prepares to beam over to discuss a treaty that would formalise relations between Vulcan and Romulus. However, an accident occurs mid-transport and the ambassador is seemingly killed.

After Captain Picard explains the situation to the Romulans, he orders Data to head up the investigation into the accident. Applying the Holmesian method of deductive reasoning, Data discovers that the Romulans actually beamed the ambassador over to their ship while leaving artificial organic matter in her place; in effect, faking her death to conceal an abduction. Picard orders the Enterprise to intercept the Romulan warbird to try and rescue the ambassador, but when they arrive, they learn the ambassador was actually a Romulan spy in disguise, now returned to her own people. As more warbirds arrive, Picard reluctantly orders the Enterprise to withdraw back to Federation space.

With the crisis over, Data seeks out Keiko to apologise for his interference, only to learn the wedding will take place shortly and he needs to get dressed for it. Keiko and Miles are wed in Ten-Forward with Captain Picard officiating a ceremony based on the Japanese culture. Later, Data seeks out Dr Crusher to thank her for his dance lessons, but instead finds the captain looking in on the baby Dr Crusher delivered while the ship was confronting the Romulans. Finally, Data begins command of the next night watch.

Review:

This episode is the start of the one successful long-term romance in Trek history; from the marriage of Miles and Keiko we get a relationship that runs strong not only for all its remaining appearances in TNG, but also throughout the length of Deep Space Nine when O’Brien was made part of that spin-off’s regular cast. It’s great to see it begin the way it does, because the kind of less-than-perfect romance we see is not only more realistic than if we were seeing two people not fighting or arguing at all, it’s also vital to make a lot of later stories for these characters work. DS9, as I noted when I review that series years ago on Facebook, often did episodes that were known as ‘make O’Brien suffer’ episodes. For that to work, O’Brien had to be every inch an everyman with everyday issues, so his marriage had to be equally down-to-Earth. Otherwise, where’s the shock value in whatever’s traumatising him next?

Of course, the main focus of the episode is Data, and how he deals with the issue of friendship and understanding human behaviour. In his reasoning and actions, the idea of Data as a metaphor for the autistic mind-set comes across brilliantly. I can easily someone on the autistic spectrum like myself making similar social errors to Data in trying to navigate the sudden flare-up in the Miles-Keiko relationship. I say similar because autistic people are not emotionless as Data is, and for those of us “high functioning” (or masking to the nth degree as I think of it) and experienced enough to understand something of tact and diplomacy, we would probably avoid making at least some of these errors.

I’m also very touched by Data revealing his aspiration to one day marry despite his lack of apparent emotion; for autistic people, any form of relationship that goes beyond friendship and into the romantic can be anything from difficult to impossible. The social skills required and time commitments necessary are almost the inter-personal communication equivalent of tackling the tallest mountains in the world, and anyone on the spectrum who gets anywhere in this line has my undying respect and admiration. To see an autistic analogue like Data suggest a desire to one day get as far as marriage, and be treated with acceptance in that regard, is yet another example of Trek at its best.

My only niggle with this episode is that at one point when noting various events occurring aboard the Enterprise, Data mentions the ‘Hindu festival of lights’. Given that humans are supposed to now be an entirely secularist society in the world of Trek, why is any religious occasion of significance on real-life Earth being mentioned as if it’s still an on-going concept? Last I checked, the children on board the Enterprise aren’t going round the crew-quarters trick-or-treating, having Easter egg hunts on the holodecks or hoping for Santa to come down the Jefferies tubes once a year. That being the case, Diwali shouldn’t be getting a mention in that sort of context either. As such, the episode just misses out on top marks and ends up raking in 9 out of 10.

Episode 12: The Wounded

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

While patrolling near Cardassian space, the Enterprise is suddenly attacked by a Cardassian vessel. Captain Picard is able to convince its commander, Gul Macet, to stand down, and learns that Macet's attack was in retaliation for a Federation ship attacking a Cardassian science station two days prior. Picard confirms this with Starfleet; he is told that the starship Phoenix, commanded by Captain Benjamin Maxwell, was responsible and ordered to locate the vessel. Picard invites Gul Macet and two of his officers to come aboard as observers to maintain the fragile peace between the Federation and Cardassia. As the Enterprise looks for signs of the Phoenix, Picard is informed that transporter chief Miles O'Brien was a former crewmember under Maxwell on the Rutledge during the Cardassian war, and invites him to join a briefing with Gul Macet. There, O'Brien reveals he still harbors some resentment for the Cardassians, revealing that Maxwell's family was killed by Cardassians. Gul Macet infers that Maxwell must be out for revenge, but O'Brien denies this.

The Enterprise locates the Phoenix on an intercept course for a Cardassian freighter, but they will not be able to reach it in time. Picard lets Gul Macet relay the position of the Phoenix to a closer Cardassian cruiser, but Maxwell outmaneuvers and destroys both the warship and the freighter, killing over 650 Cardassians across the two vessels.

Shortly thereafter, the Enterprise rendezvouses with the Phoenix, and Maxwell transports aboard, greeting O'Brien as an old friend. Alone, Maxwell asserts to Picard that the Cardassians are re-arming themselves; the science station was a cover for a military base, and the freighters are carrying weapons. Picard admonishes Maxwell for his behaviour unbecoming a Starfleet captain, and gains his assurance that he will pilot the Phoenix directly back to Federation space. However, en route, the Phoenix breaks course towards another freighter. Maxwell is poised to destroy the freighter, demanding that the Federation officers be allowed aboard to see proof of the Cardassians' deception. The Enterprise crew notes that the freighter is equipped with a field that blocks their scans. Picard prepares to fire on the Phoenix to maintain the peace, but O'Brien requests permission to beam over to the Phoenix, using a transporter trick to sneak past its shield, and talk to Maxwell. Aboard the Phoenix, O'Brien and Maxwell reminisce about their time aboard the Rutledge and sing a song from their past. O'Brien is able to convince Maxwell to stand down. Maxwell transfers his command to his first officer and the Phoenix starts its return to Federation space, while Maxwell returns to the Enterprise with O'Brien, confined to quarters pending return to Starfleet.

As the Cardassian observers are returned to their ship, Picard cautions them that while Maxwell's actions may have been improper, his suspicions are not without merit; the so-called "science station" is located in a strategic military position with little scientific value, and the shields on the freighters were specifically designed to block Federation scanning. He cautions Gul Macet that the Federation will be watching the Cardassians very closely in the future.

Review:

For the second time in as many episodes, we get more development of future DS9 fodder. In this case, however, it’s not just about developing Miles O’Brien and his new wife Keiko, though this is a significant part of the episode in terms of Miles. This time, we get the first appearance of the Cardassians, which substantially improves in time for their inclusion in Deep Space Nine, and Marc Alaimo makes a guest appearance as Gul Macet, setting up for his later long-time role in DS9 as the Cardassian arch-villain Gul Dukat. Throw in Bob Gunton of Shawshank Redemption fame and this episode really has some great guest actors in alongside the regular cast.

However, aside from great performances, great guest-cast stars and a lot of fodder being developed for the eventual Deep Space Nine spin-off series, this episode also takes an interesting look at how people react when a war ends and they have to act peacefully with people who they’ve had to view as the enemy for a long time. It’s another of those brilliant moves Trek started to make around this time as Roddenberry became less involved in producing the show due to his failing health. There’s only so far humanity will ever improve, and I think if we’re still having to get into wars in the future, albeit with alien species, we’re going to have the same kind of issues that come up here.

Between the various guest characters, the subject matter gets some interesting exploration; Captain Maxwell is someone so traumatised by the war that he can’t just leave it behind, Gul Macet plays someone feigning a desire to remain at peace while secretly preparing for the next scrap, and then you’ve got O’Brien, who still hates the enemy but for a totally different reason to what you’d expect. While most shows might have put O’Brien’s hatred down to something the Cardassians did, this show did something truly inspired and made O’Brien hate them for what they forced him to do. Nowhere else have I come across someone saying they only hate an enemy because that enemy forced them into committing acts of violence alien to their personal identity. In fact, I think this might even be Trek’s first stab at doing a ‘make O’Brien suffer’ episode even before creating DS9. After all, what could be greater suffering to a gentle man like O’Brien than to be faced by those who forced him to act against that gentle nature?

Honestly, I can’t find a single flaw in this episode, and so for the first time in a while I offer up top marks; 10 out of 10.

Episode 13: Devil’s Due

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

The Enterprise receives a distress call from Dr. Howard Clarke, the leader of a Federation scientific delegation on Ventax II, where the population is in a state of panic, because they are convinced that their world will soon end. After the Enterprise arrives, they rescue Dr. Clarke who brings them up to date. A thousand years ago, according to Ventaxian history, the population entered a Faustian deal with Ardra, their mythology's devil. In exchange for ending wars and restoring the ecological balance, and improving their heavily polluted planet, the population would become the personal slaves of Ardra a thousand years later. As the millennium is about to come to a close, the planet has recently begun experiencing mild earthquakes, as well as seeing images of Ardra. These were said to be signs of her arrival.

As Captain Picard and Lt. Commander Data discuss the matter with the Ventaxian leader, a woman appears in the chamber, announcing herself as Ardra. She demonstrates her identity by starting an earthquake at will, and transforming into the Klingon devil-equivalent Fek'lhr of Gre'Thor. Ardra states that she has come to claim the planet. Picard is instantly suspicious and orders Data to examine the contract that supposedly was signed by Ardra and the leaders of the planet a thousand years earlier. Picard returns to the Enterprise afterwards, and Ardra appears on the bridge, sitting in the Captain's chair. Lt. Worf fails to remove her. Data returns just then and confirms the language of the contract as well as Ardra's claim to the planet and anything in its orbit, including the Enterprise.

Later, in a meeting with the senior staff, Picard expresses his belief that she is a confidence trickster and points out that all of her alleged powers can be recreated with theatrically delivered technology. After the meeting, Picard goes to bed for the evening. As Picard sleeps, Ardra appears and tries to seduce him, but he rejects her. She transports him to the planet dressed in his pyjamas. Data comes to collect Picard by shuttle after Worf is unable to transport him back the normal way. When Picard and Data attempt to return to the Enterprise, the ship disappears. In light of this, they return to the planet.

Citing old legal precedent, Picard calls for a Ventaxian arbitration hearing, to which Ardra agrees, provided Data acts as the arbitrator, as he will act with impartiality. Picard explains to the leader of the planet that the people had actually improved their planet by themselves, through their own gradual hard work, ingenuity, and dedication. However, continued demonstrations of powers further the claim that Ardra is indeed whom she says she is. During the course of the hearing, Chief Engineer La Forge and Clarke discover that Ardra has a cloaked ship nearby, that she is indeed using technology to simulate magic, and that she is a known criminal. Picard sends an away team, led by Commander Riker, to take control of Ardra's ship, giving Picard control of her powers. He demonstrates the technology-based fraud and she is taken into custody by local authorities.

Review:

This is an episode I find fun because among its various plot elements is a bit of a dig at buying too readily into certain aspects of organised religion. Here, we see someone is basically a criminal try to exploit and enslave the population of an entire planet by twisting its beliefs to her own ends. This is not unlike many real-life followers of many, many religions that will twist those religions to excuse and fuel bigoted and divisive viewpoints, often leading many to assume they are a true reflection of that faith when they are not. Frankly, I think many people ‘of faith’ could learn a valuable lesson about taking care to really learn their religion to avoid just this sort of deception by watching this episode.

However, the episode is really meant to be more about how technology can appear to be magic if it is sufficiently advanced, and to be fair it’s a fun exploration of that idea. However, the same thing was done the season before with ‘Who Watches The Watchers’, and it’s also been used with greater theatricality by the Marvel Cinematic Universe to explain the likes of Thor and Doctor Strange in an otherwise science-based superhero action universe. By and large, the idea of ‘believer beware’ seems to hold the greater weight than the intended focus, and it’s got some decent comic relief-type moments in places.

However, I disagree with the assessment some others have made that the episode is somehow ‘Picard trying to act like Kirk’. Kirk, being the degenerate woman-of-the-week phaser-happy space cowboy that he was, would more likely have given into Ardra and then stunned her with a phaser when proving her deception. Picard acts like Picard from his resistance to Ardra right up to the court-room scene. There’s nothing all that Kirkian about this episode, even though it originated as an unproduced story from that era, and to believe otherwise is to be as gullible as the Ventaxians. Overall, I give this episode about 8 out of 10.

Episode 14: Clues

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

The Enterprise investigates a T Tauri class star system with a single Class M planet that was picked up on a long-range sensor scan near the Ngame Nebula. As they approach the planet, the ship encounters a wormhole and everyone except Lt. Commander Data briefly loses consciousness. When the crew regains consciousness, some of the ship's sensors suggest it has been nearly a day since the wormhole encounter, but Data states they were only out for moments and the ship's instruments were affected by the wormhole. Following Data's suggestion, Captain Picard decides to send a probe into the system to avoid further harm to the ship. The probe reports only the presence of a frozen gas giant instead of the Class M planet from before; again, Data attributes this to the effects of the wormhole.

As the ship moves away from the system, the crew begin to find evidence that does not support Data's claims that they were unconscious for only 30 seconds. For example, Dr Crusher has found moss samples that show a full day of growth, and has found that Worf, complaining of a sore wrist, actually had his wrist broken and reset by a medical professional. Picard begins to suspect Data's claims, and believes the rest of the crew is suffering from missing time syndrome. Picard confronts Data on the issue, but Data cannot provide a rational answer. Further studies of the crew by Dr Crusher show that Data's explanations are impossible; they have lost a day from the wormhole encounter, and there is evidence that Data tampered with the probe's readings to mask the Class M planet. Picard recognizes that Data's actions may be for the protection of the Enterprise, but orders the ship to return to the system.

When they near the Class M planet, ounsellor Troi is taken over by a mysterious energy pulse from the system, and starts to speak to the crew with a different voice. The entity that has taken over Troi informs Data that the plan has failed, and that their people will prepare to destroy the Enterprise. Picard learns from Data and the entity that they are in the space of the Paxans, a highly advanced but very xenophobic race who have kept themselves hidden by firing a stun beam at any ship that nears their system and then moving it away; crews of such ships normally associate it with the effects of a wormhole. However, in the case of the Enterprise, the stun beam did not affect Data; Data had revived the crew as the Paxans were attempting to move the ship, and forcing a physical encounter that led to Worf's wrist being broken. Picard was able to offer the Paxans a deal as to attempt to conceal their previous meeting, using memory-wiping technology from the Paxans to forget their encounters with them, and ordered Data to behave as he did to protect the ship.

Picard is able to convince the Paxan in control of Troi that the previous plan failed because they left too many clues on the Enterprise that piqued human curiosity to solve the mystery and that if the Enterprise vanishes, it will cause others to come investigate. The crew of the Enterprise, with the help of the Paxans, work together to completely eradicate any possible clues; once completed, the crew is stunned again, and the ship moves away from Paxan space. When the crew revives this time, they accept Data's explanations without question and continue on their mission.

Review:

In addition to this episode having a lot of similarity to ‘Thanks for the Memory’, an episode from the second series of British sit-com Red Dwarf, it’s also notable for bringing us a little more Picard-as-Dixon-Hill. However, in this case only in the opening teaser segment is Picard doing this as a fantasy on the holodeck. The rest of the episode has Picard, and indeed most of the crew, playing detective in the ‘real world’, making the episode a kind of exploration of the human fascination with mysteries and puzzle-solving. It’s not a bad episode, by any means, but it’s fairly shallow in its issue exploration, and the whole alien possession thing near the end is kind of a needless bit of weirdness. This was a bottle episode, granted, but would one guest actor in a bit of prosthetics really have killed the budget compared with the visual effect they used? Overall, I’d give this 7 out of 10.

Episode 15: First Contact

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

The humanoid race of Malcor III is preparing to develop warp drive technology. Captain Picard and Counsellor Troi suddenly visit Science Minister Mirasta Yale, lead researcher on their warp experiments. They calm her and explain that they come in peace. It is normal Federation policy to make first contact with a world when it reaches this level of technology. However, they have had to move ahead of schedule because Commander Riker, disguised as a Malcorian, has gone missing. After touring the Enterprise, Mirasta agrees to help and arranges a private meeting with Chancellor Durken. After the meeting, Picard returns with Durken to the Enterprise and explains the benefits of a relationship with the Federation. Durken expresses some concerns, most notably with the Federation's unwillingness to share their technology, as well as how their arrival will change his society. Picard assures him that how contact proceeds will be up to him, and if asked to leave, the Federation will do so.

Meanwhile, Riker has been detained by security forces in a hospital, where he is barely conscious following an accident. Differences in Riker's physiology make the hospital administrator believe that he is an extra-terrestrial. Riker is aided in his escape by a nurse who expresses her wish to "make love with an alien". Riker accepts her offer, but the escape attempt fails: he is spotted, and the guards catch and beat him, worsening his condition. Riker's presence at the hospital is reported to Security Minister Krola, who accuses Durken of hiding the truth about the "alien" presence. The Chancellor expresses his concerns to Picard about the Federation's covert intrusions, but accepts Picard's explanation of why the Federation does this. Krola, fearing a hostile invasion by the Federation, endangers Riker's health by reviving him prematurely so he may be interrogated. He tries to frame Riker as a murderer by shooting himself with Riker's phaser. Meanwhile, Durken is made aware that Riker is in danger of dying and tells Picard where he is. The Enterprise crew bring both Riker and Krola back to the ship. They are able to save Riker's life, and discover that his phaser was only set to stun, so Krola was in no real danger.

After Krola is returned to the planet, Durken regretfully tells Picard that he feels Malcor is not ready for first contact. He fears his people are not mature enough to handle the startling announcement that they are not alone in the universe. He requests that the Enterprise leave the planet, in hopes that they may be able to return at a later time. He agrees to delay Malcor's development of warp drive technology until its people are ready. With Mirasta's project postponed, she asks Picard if she can join his crew, and Picard agrees.

Review:

Apparently, this episode was only possible by breaking one of the ‘rules’ of Star Trek established by Roddenberry, namely that episodes always take place primarily from the point-of-view of the main cast. This time, however, the episode takes the point-of-view of the alien race who is being approached by the Federation as they reach the point of warp travel. It’s a great episode, and not only because of the superb guest actors (including George Coe, who had a notable guest presence in The West Wing as Senator Howard Stackhouse, and Bebe Neuwirth who played Lilith in Cheers and Fraiser). It’s also great because it’s the first look at not only how first contact missions actually happen, but the point-of-view of the aliens is probably not too dissimilar to how humanity would act right now if we were ever in that situation.

The episode runs the gamut of possible reactions; the positive reaction of the forward-thinking scientist, the negative and regressive attitude of the xenophobic and paranoid security minister, the even-handed and considered approach of the head of state, and everything from general panic to alien kink among the general population. Right down to the whole thing ending up being dismissed as a conspiracy theory while social reforms are brought in to try and enlighten the population, it all says ‘yes, this is just how humanity would react in that same situation’.

For me, all that spoils this episode is that bit where the alien nurse seduces Riker and he agrees. I mean come on Will; I know you’re the one member of the TNG crew who is frequently obligated to act like Kirk and have a woman-of-the-week moment every chance you get, but frankly I think it would have been more appropriate to go for a low phaser stun burst on her and the guard, then hop in the guard’s uniform and slip out. Overall score here is about 8 out of 10.

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brooklynislandgirl · 3 years

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@mynameisanakin {before}

If only she were privy to the thoughts that follow his answer he would see in her eyes a spark of radiance that comes from pleasure, proud of the intuitive leaps that his mind makes, and exactly the last word, because Life is one of the pattern magicks. But she can’t and so the light that seeps into her face is one part sun making its way through the kitchen window, and two her own meandering fancy about why he would choose the word. For a moment her gaze dips down to the cat, who seems quite content to avail himself of Anakin’s lap. She hasn’t quite gotten to be so close a friend with Bug, not yet at any rate, and a large part of her misses Houdini, whom she has on good authority is living his best, fat and pampered life with Uncle Lewis. There were new sets of photos in her email just yesterday.

Her gaze flickers back up, wanting to catch whatever else he might have to say, and every line of her is written with fondness.

Mornings like these, when the clinic is closed and they can technically sit for breakfast for hours with the sun shining down on them and without a care in the world ~which is deceptively untrue, she and Anakin have the capacity to care so very much that it can be stifling~ are a specific kind of balm. Soothing frayed nerves, serving to reconnect, and of course, the worship of cats. Who are most certainly not his. The slow curl of the tip of Bug’s tail in tune with the deep and gentle ruffle of Anakin’s fingers. Therapeutic, too, for both of them.

“Of course,” she reassures him when she can feel the self-deprecation start to creep its way into his tone. He hides it well behind that little smile but Beth is far too familiar with it to completely ignore, much as he might want her to.

She starts to top off his cup from the French press between them when he throws his word into the ring. He’s having a hard time getting it out despite being so very careful and almost anyone’s instinct would be to rush in. To correct, to enunciate. She doesn’t. Mostly because that’s something else she is entirely too familiar with. Everyone ~save Anakin~ at least once or twice tends to correct her speech or her grammar. Rushes her along when she’s frustrated and doing her best to speak Haole. Failing miserably because her tongue doesn’t want to shape the words that way or because she’s misheard or misunderstood what had been said to her, like the nearly millions of songs that she doesn’t get quite right but likes to sing along with. So she isn’t going to do that to him, poke at his best efforts with shame, because her own thoughts are too valuable real-estate to bother with his. And truth be told? She likes the way he says it. There’s something pure to the way his mouth moves, in the slight pauses that can almost be overlooked if you aren’t paying the strictest intention, the tonal musicality to it. Truth be told, she could probably sit there and listen to Anakin reading the ingredients of a tube of tooth-paste and be content.

She doesn’t say that though. Things like that tend to embarrass people, especially when reading aloud is not their strong suit and she never wants Anakin to feel self-conscious around her if she can avoid it.

She does wonder though what brings it on, and from what corner of his thoughts does he drags it out from because it can be taken so many ways. From trashy vampire novels that all seem to like to be set in the City, and particularly the Quarter, to rather pointed mention of her Tradition and it’s association with blood as inexorable perhaps as the idea of nature and wildlife, to...some darker and likely more devastating morass of psychological woe. Anakin isn’t as bright a soul as he could be, but Beth isn’t necessarily fearful of those slivers of shadow that run right through him. Nor does she think it’s inherently evil. As long as he can maintain balance, with or without help, then she has no reason to fear.

His eyes close. And in that moment, she lets naked affection reside in her own. The patient and gentle curiosity, the sweetness of her appreciation for everything he is, although maybe Bug won’t be so indulgent if his fingers tighten any more.

“Oh, good word,” she murmurs. Doesn’t applaud his efforts and bring more attention to them, but that was nearly perfect, as far as she can tell, and she nods, following up with, “Okay, Okay, Okay.”

A breath, a stillness, and then she’s trailing her gaze out the window and into the back lawn, past the lanai.

“Nourish.”

Exsanguinate of course means to drain blood from an animal or a person, or even an organ. It puts her in mind firstly of sacrifice for the good of the community. The way kings were bound to their lands in the Mythic age, so that the life of one was reflected in the other. And sometimes the need to give everything ~including hearts-blood~ to make sure that it remained so. It put Beth in mind of justice, when someone’s deeds were so heinous that the only value left them was to give forth. It also puts Beth in mind of passion. The sharing of one’s most vital fluid, their living self, in a ritual of bonding...and biting. Or in easily healed slits through skin. Or...

Her face flushes without realisation, and her breath catches on the cusp of her lips.

There’s so many reasons for the act, a hundred different emotions that might be attached to it, but they all boil down to the most basic of human needs. To provide. Feed. To encourage growth and good health or condition. And what is that, if not love made manifest?

There’s something unreadable in her expression when she offers him the next word. “Nirvana.”

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angstmonsterwrites · 3 years

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This week delivered a pretty harsh emotional gut-punch. I had to end the only non-family friendship I had where the person in question lived within a 100mi radius.

She and I had been growing apart for a bit as it was--the way I saw it was that we simply had become two different people than when we first met online back in 2014. We'd exchanged emails for the longest time, and met once at a convention. She was someone who'd been easy to relate to and understand at first because of a traumatic upbringing, but the substance of her messages never changed or varied throughout the years--it was always, always about who had wronged her this time and why it was evidence of how terrible people are, but how she was "hardworking" and "different". We scarcely talked about anything else. Victim mentality. The one time we met only solidified that this was who she was. Imagine someone side-eying perfect strangers in a crowd of cosplayers and constantly grumbling about how they were too scantily clad and making remarks about how sure she was her favorite character would disapprove. (Yes, there was a concerning disconnect from reality there that often made me wonder if there was something schizoid-flavored going on.) Suggesting that she could do anything differently or an alternative point of view was usually met with a lot of reaching and bending over backwards for reasons why nothing was ever her fault or how it was someone else who had to change.

In short, it wasn't commiserating. It was years of me reading long screeds, and going, "Yeah. Uh huh. That sucks." Most of the time, if I brought up any complaint of my own, it was met not with compassion, but with either dismissal so that we could focus on her again, or more ranting about how it was all just more evidence of how right she was. Even just attempts at sharing new interests resulted in a sort of pushback where she'd barely stop short of telling me I was wrong or somehow treacherous for doing so. Trying to share good news always prompted her to double down on refocusing on how awful everything was for her.

As we got into the vile meat of 2020, my energy to respond to long-form emails was pretty well shot, and my responses had slowed down substantially. She started to badger me with the question, "What am I to you?" I explained that I felt our attitudes and values had seriously diverged over the years, and that my stress level was simply too high, but that if she still wanted to keep in touch, it was a better idea to message me here on tumblr or just text my phone. I have no issue having quick back-and-forths, and little to no restrictions on when it's okay to message me. As a general rule, I answer as soon as I see it. This seemed like it would solve the problem with the lapses at least, and communicating in a way that offered instant responses should have provided reassurance that I wasn't just ignoring her. Yes, we had our differences, but for the most part, I was unresponsive to the emails because I was having a hard time with my own mental health.

Should have. She agreed to respect the boundary I'd set, but then unfollowed me here and sent a long paper letter instead--the furthest thing from what I'd requested. She then would only message in months-apart check-ins to see if I'd read the letter yet, growing increasingly aggravated when I had not. At one point, she explained that it was meant to reveal to me how much she'd accomplished, and how I was wrong about her, and also contained a poem she wanted me to read aloud to my household. The hysteric "What am I to you?" questions continued.

After deliberating, I explained why the letter and her related actions had upset me. She said that she'd unfollowed (without even trying to message at first) me because she suspected I wanted nothing to do with her. She then also insisted that she'd sent the letter before unfollowing, complained about how badly she missed the email routine, and went on a tirade about how unfair it was she was the only one reaching out, and how she'd done so much more for me, and so forth. It essentially devolved into overt gaslighting.

It was then that I calmly told her that I felt it was probably best for us to leave one another in peace. Those were my exact words. If we couldn't even agree on how to talk without an explosion of manufactured drama--if she couldn't be bothered to respect one simple ask without making herself out to be a victim of unfair treatment--then there was nothing left to say. She responded saying that she was even more afraid I wanted nothing to do with her--at this point, it had become true--and again demanding to know what she'd ever really been to me.

I had had enough. I blocked her.

Two days later, I got one last email from her, and a phone call with no message. (Or I certainly hope it's the last. Good grief.) In it, she reiterated her belief that she'd been the one pouring all the effort into our relationship, how this confirmed I was 'just like everyone else', and that she wasn't going to let herself be hurt by me anymore.

And...I've been feeling like complete garbage ever since. Not so much because I felt it was time to end that friendship--the descent into blatant gaslighting was all I needed to push the proverbial EJECT button--but I’m left questioning why I tend to attract that sort of person more than any other--selfish, histrionic, delusional. Making and maintaining friendships is difficult for me, so the question of how I might have done anything differently has to be asked. The simple answer, I believe, is that I should have just been open about my disagreements and our incompatibility much sooner. But even with more emotionally mature individuals, I do have an unfortunate track record of lapsing into silence unless spoken to when I'm overly stressed, and I know that can send the wrong message. I don't want to be that person who does nothing but use the other as a doormat for continual complaining and nothing but. I don't want to burden anyone the way this person burdened me.

That's the emotional backlash I always face when a friendship fails because of toxic behavior: Is it possible that this same toxicity lives in me too, and I'm just too myopic or self-righteous to see it? Is it possible that this is why being any kind of a social person is so challenging to me? I don't think so, but what if I'm wrong? What if I'm reading my own tone wrong? What if I'm measuring the content of my conversations with others in a way that minimizes exactly how much self-centered bitching I do? Do I come off as someone with a victim complex?

I find myself coming back to the damaging, impossibly mixed messaging around socializing I was raised with. If I share what's good or fun, that could be selfish because what if the other person is having a hard time? What if I'm just rubbing something in their face they can't have? If I what I share is sad and difficult, I may be overburdening them or dragging them down when they'd otherwise be doing just fine. Sometimes just talking at all feels invasive--that is, attempting to get to know or draw closer to another person makes me feel like I'm stealing something that doesn't belong to me. I was always told that it's rude to pry, and that if others really want to talk to me specifically, they will without prompt.

In sum, these 'rules' allow for zero proactive communication, suggesting that any such effort is doomed to be bothersome and thoughtless at best. Of course, I don't buy into them anymore, but that doesn't mean that they aren't engraved into my psyche in such a way that violating them still comes with a serious wallop of guilt.

And as folks with a history of emotional abuse go, there do tend to be extremes of embracing victimhood as an identity, low-key messiah complexes, and what have you. I absolutely am guilty of nursing one of those soft-core messiah complexes, I think. Unfortunately, this means that when someone comes along with no end of narcissistic self pity--that is, not just someone truly down on their luck-- it's an easy trap for me to fall into. I always see it as my role to fix things for people or to try save them from their troubles, or to be the one who listens and gives. I want to be useful and relied upon and a source of comfort, understanding, and peace, but then I want to act all surprised when I get used and stepped on time and again when I fail to be 100% honest about any frustrations or misgivings I might have. By the time I decide to set any real boundaries, it’s far too late to maneuver out from under unreasonable expectations without snuffing out the relationship altogether.

When someone with a baby savior complex clashes with another person who possesses a loud-and-proud victim mentality, I suppose it's bound to be a slow-moving train wreck.

Maybe I'm not like her, but I can't escape the fact that in many ways, I really did bring this upon myself...Again.

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TL;DR: I asked for some minor changes in how I communicate with a friend because my stress level was so high that the idea of jumping off a local overpass wasn’t not bouncing around in my head. Her response? Act like a jilted lover, thinking only- “But what about me?” And I realized it’s been that way with her for a long time.

#musings #personal musings #A tale of social ineptitude and regret.#Or...why I attract emotional leeches.#I do have two long distance friends who aren't Like That.#It's just a pity that a decent friendship seems to require >500mi.#This one will probably be eating at me for a while.#I had a similar in-person situation that really blew up on me in my early 20's. I actually lived with those ones.#I should have learned something from that. But it seems I failed.

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obeymematches · 4 years

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Hello, I’d like a matchup please~ I’m very curious who I’d fit with! Here’s who I am and what I’d offer, flaws (I’m pretty bad about being objective about that though, haha) and all: Personality: INTP. Quiet, relaxed, positive and self-assured normally. I’m not very insecure and almost never stressed, my friendangry. When bad things happen it won’t effect me much. I’m not very emotional and find it easy to be the optimist, or put things into perspective and move on. I’m introverted and private.

I just really like having myself, to myself? I almost never offer information about myself. I feel the need to socialise rarely, and I need a lot of alone time to recharge - I’d be horrible with someone needy, I’d feel so guilty. I show affection more through acts of service and gifts rather than quality time. I make an effort to be honest and sincere about those boundaries, what I want, and how I feel because that’s how I want people to be with me :) Strong believer of “treat others how you’d like to be treated.” Trust and honestly are dearly important to me, more than anything else. Promises are a grave thing >:( I’m uncomfortable with attention and responsibility and don’t like being the leader, I’d much rather be a follower. I’m more loyal than moral, I’d follow my friends through hell even if they lead the charge. It might be a conflict aversion thing too?. I don’t think I have problems voicing my disagreements with them though. I’d just rather go with the flow. I’m a “nothing matters :D” nihilist and don’t take a lot of things seriously, I joke a lot and my sense of humour is absurdist and honestly, pretty stupid. I’m caught up in my head a lot. Very fanciful! I’m a perpetual daydreamer, and I have the worst memory out of everyone I know. Lack of stress bites me in the butt often, I don’t feel a sense of urgency to get my work done and as a result I’m a very lazy procrastinator. I have a hard time settling on an opinion, I’ll play devil’s advocate to myself and always feel the need to for more info before I commit (but I’m too lazy to research so I don’t have many opinions ugh), but I honestly do enjoy talking in circles about topics more than getting an answer. I’m a perpetual fence-sitter. Interests: Recently I’ve been into alternative/street fashion and clothes shopping :D I have the tendency to obsess over things (mostly books) for one or two weeks and then move on. but I’ve maintained a steady obsession with fantasy, writing and world-building! Thinking about systems like societies, species biology, classification, and magic systems is the fun of it. I also like to do art, but really only because it helps to solidify characters and worlds in my head :D A trend I’ve noticed in myself is an interest in internet subcultures. I scour YouTube for the 1 hour documentary-esque videos compiling info about old bygone fandoms and internet groups. I also love classification systems. I adore the mess that is biological taxonomy and personality classification, it’s so fascinating! What I’m looking for: Someone who’s comfortable being their own person and gets that I need to be alone for a couple of days sometimes, and isn’t bothered by that. I’d like them to be upfront about feelings, no guessing games. And who’s also not very serious, or is at least won’t mind that I’m not going to be :D I do think I need someone more practical than I am just to balance me out, haha. Oh gosh, that was long, but describing yourself is surprisingly hard! Have a wonderful day! :D

Hello !

Thank you for sending in a request, i hope you didn’t have to wait for too long!

Okay so I think by far the perfect match for you is Simeon!

Your quiet nature doesn’t bother him at all, Simeon can start a conversation with pretty much anyone.

Your positive attitude is something that catches the eyes of many, and you’d be a good balance to many of the characters. The way I see him, I think Simeon is more of a realist as he is definitely very observant and just like Satan, Simeon can read situations and people well. (probably thats why he is an author) However, that doesn’t mean your positivity is a turn-off for him. It just gives some balance.

Just like you, he is also introverted, which means he also likes his space and alone time. So thats something the two of you can respect. He is not clingy at all, so you don’t have to worry about recharging often.

I think a helping hand here and there, and a gift whenever you two meet or go on a date is a way to steal his heart! I think he would really be fascinated by human culture, you know? like it’s so nice of you that you think of him so much that you always get/make him something. As I said before, he is a spectacular judge of character, meaning he understand that you show affection differently than him. We don’t really know much about his love languages unfortunately, as he is still non-dateable (as far as i know but don’t cite me on this one i’m not keeping up with the fandom and i’m only at chapter 23 fghjk).

But ou mention that you also communicate clearly and sincerely, similar to him, so I don’t think there should be many conflicts at all in this relationship.

However, a relationship should not be based on communication skills alone now, should it? so here is more of what it’d be like:

You also value trust and honesty, and as an angel he can get behind that really well. It’s much better if the values and expectations of both people are met.

So you rather being a follower narrows down the circle quite a bit. But! Simeon is known to be a responsible character, I mean we can see how he guides both Luke and the brothers in some situations. He also has his way of indirectly helping character development of characters, so don’t worry about your flaws - he is not going to judge, in fact, he will figure out the best way for your own character development!

By that I mean he isn’t judging you even in your not-so-serious moments, though he takes notes and as I said will indirectly guide you on your path so you don’t make a decision that would cost a lot.

Similar with your tendencies of being a lazy procastinator. This just also gives a balance to the relationship.

I think he is not as much into shopping as some of the demons, but that doesn’t mean you can’t talk to him abou tit! He would be interested in his partners hobbies, be that whatever. He might not indulge all the time but a healthy relationship can take that.

I think your liking of reading is again, a very nice balance for his fancy of writing. If he trust you enough, you’ll be able to read one of his next bestseller series before anyone else!!! imagine how jealous you’d make Satan and Levi! time to flex on those demon bros

Theres no one better to talk about your interests than him, trust me!! just think about it!!

He is the more practical one int he relationship, and that is not a bad thing. I think you two started off as friends for quite a while, until you managed to open up a bit to him about your interests and hobbies. Then he just couldn’t help falling in love with someone with a heart like yours.

#obey me #obey me!#swd obey me #obey me swd #obey me matchup #obey me simeon #om! simeon

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tlbodine · 4 years

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A Brief Guide to Enjoying Problematic Creators

There was once a prevailing wisdom, “You should never meet your heroes.”

When you consume a piece or media or know only about a person’s achievements -- not who they are as a person -- you develop a set of private expectations about that person. Sometimes, with art and literature especially, the connection you feel to a creator can feel quite intimate. Sometimes you read a book or listen to a song and think, This person GETS me. But you have to be careful, because the person you are forming this intimate relationship is not the real artist; it is a construct of your own mind and needs. It’s impossible for any living human to meet the expectations of someone’s private imaginings.

An unfortunate price of the social media era is that now it’s practically impossible to avoid “meeting” your heroes, or at least learning a whole lot about them.

Creators are expected to have platforms. Maintaining a social media presence and directly interacting with fans -- and broadcasting thoughts and messages blindly across the internet -- is pretty much a requirement. And even if a particular creator isn’t on social media, it’s pretty hard now to live without knowing the nitty gritty details of their life and past transgressions: such knowledge is just one Twitter thread away.

So how do you deal with this? How do you reconcile your expectations with reality? What moral responsibility do you have to drop your support when someone is “canceled”?

Let’s see if we can tease it out a bit under the cut!

This is a very long post, so let me sum up the tl;dr right now:

You are free to make your own decisions about the media you consume, and liking (or disliking) a piece of media should not be the deciding factor of your character or value as a person.

You should consult your own values and do your best to live in accordance with them without casting critical judgment on others who are doing the same in a way that’s different from you.

The goal of cancelling/boycotting should be to exert pressure on systemic forces of privilege and inequality, not to bully people into agreeing with your personal values.

First: A Person is Not Their Work

Writing problematic fiction does not make one problematic. The opinions of a character are not necessarily those of a creator. By the same token, a creator may hold odious opinions, but those opinions may in no way be reflected in the art. You can like a person’s work even if you don’t like that person, and vice versa. You can even like a person’s work because you like a person. But the two are separate. That’s important for later, so commit it to memory.

Second: Guilt by Association is a Logical Fallacy

Just because a person enjoys something made by a problematic creator does not make that person automatically problematic, especially if the things the person enjoys are not reflective of the creator’s odious opinions. There is a difference, for example, between enjoying Ayn Rand (an author whose books are written to illustrate political views) and, idk, Nathan Pyle (a cartoonist who is pro-life but whose cartoons are totally unrelated). Me liking Nathan Pyle does not make me pro-life; me liking Ayn Rand might make me a believer in her cause. But then again, it might not, maybe I like her prose or something (spoiler alert I don’t actually like Ayn Rand). It is a fallacy to assume that someone shares the beliefs of a creator simply because they consume that creator’s work.

Third: "Canceling” Makes Sense As a Challenge to Systemic Abuses

The point (it’s been lost in the shuffle, perhaps) of “cancel culture” is supposed to be to put social pressure on people who are otherwise shielded from the consequences of their behavior. Sometimes famous people, or people who are talented or very popular artists, are favored by the law and social systems around them. If a popular artist commits a crime and receives a slap on the wrist when anyone else committing that same crime would receive jail time, then that person is benefiting from privilege -- and that’s what “canceling” them is meant to counteract. It’s supposed to be about holding people accountable who are otherwise not subject to fair accountability. If we expect a just society, this should be a means to an end (ie, changing the way privilege affects punishment) and not the end goal itself.

Fourth: Beliefs Are Not Actions

This is a bit of a philosophical rabbit hole to fall down, and it gets real slippery around the intersection of thought/speech/online communication, especially when it’s so easy to tweet every thought that pops into your head. But here’s the thing: People don’t control their thoughts and emotions. They can (and should) control their actions. But a bad take or a stupid opinion is not the same thing as a bad action or a pattern of behavior. People are allowed to be wrong, they are allowed to have uninformed opinions, and they are allowed to change. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them or like them or even support them -- but it does help to maintain a sense of scale.

Fifth: You Do Not Need to Have an Opinion on Every Piece of News

Although it may seem that “everyone” is talking about something, and urging you to pick a side, you do not in fact need to take a side in every argument. Yes, when you see injustice and it is within your power to stand up for the victim, that is a good thing to do. But there is a difference between stepping between a bully and a victim, and in standing on the sidelines dissecting the character of the people involved. You are not obligated to have a dog in every fight, and you are not a bad person for simply not having the energy to care about every single argument that comes your way. If you don’t want to get involved, or you don’t know enough to have much of an opinion, you can choose to walk away from the debate rather than join a side. I promise.

Sixth: Collateral Damage Exists

Issues are never black-and-white, and “cancelling” or boycotting one person can damage someone else. You have to decide where your values lie. For example: A popular restaurant chain may spend its money promoting political agendas you disagree with, but the local franchise owner is a very good person who gives money to the community. Or, one actor in a particular show has engaged in illegal behavior, but his co-stars include disenfranchised groups like POC or LGBTQ community members who would be hurt by the show being canceled. It should, generally, be the goal to punish only those who are doing wrong, while hurting as few others in the process. It’s not possible to be perfect in this, and you need to consult with your own values and do the best you can to act in good faith. But just bear in mind that someone else’s reasons for supporting/not supporting a particular person may be very different than your own, and those reasons may be valid.

#discourse #analysis #cancel culture #psa #long post #I had a lot to say ok #i'm sorry

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disasterhumans · 5 years

Text

This post originally started out as a reply, of sorts, to tags made by @theregoesmylurkerstatus on this post

#its very interesting to me honestly #he's still so closed off after all this time #its almost like one if the Nein betrayed him he wouldn't be that hurt? #no 'why's or 'how could you's #just immediate survival kicking in #hardening himself towards it #i think the only betrayal that would cut through that and into shock would be jester

But, as is often the case with things like this, I got carried away, and it just seemed to make more sense to make this a standalone post.

Fjord is, in some ways, a contradiction in terms. While all of the Nein love and value each other to varying degrees, I think it’s fair to say that Fjord is the person who values loyalty and community as ideals the most. He has a history of systemic abuse and bullying, but also a history of working as a part of a crew. I think Fjord had a lot of complicated—and perhaps contradictory—feelings about his life as a sailor, but by and large he seems to remember it more fondly than, say, Beau does her time at the Cobalt Soul. All of the Mighty Nein have had pasts marked by loneliness, but Fjord is the only person who found a community (of sorts) in the aftermath of that loneliness that wasn’t the Mighty Nein. So he knows what it is and he holds it dear.

We don’t know what Fjord was like as a sailor. From what Fjord’s said of that portion of his life, it seems like he didn’t have any particularly close bonds aside from Vandran. But that doesn’t really mean he wasn’t slightly more open then than he is with the Mighty Nein now. It feels like we might still be missing some specifics about his relationship with Sabien—maybe in spite of their early childhood antagonistic relationship, Fjord actually tried to open up and become friends with Sabien. Maybe he truly grew to trust him. Maybe he truly cared for him. And then Sabien went and destroyed the stability that Fjord had come to rely on (that stability seems to be the thing Fjord liked most about being a sailor), and also literally killed him.

And then Fjord washes up on shore with a falchion, new powers, and weird dreams.

And the next person he meets is Jester. Who is the only person of the entire group who is—and who has always been—an entirely open book. It’s been heavily implied that Jester and Fjord both know most—if not all of—each other’s backstories. And I think half the reason Fjord was able to open up to Jester (aside from her being generally pleasant and supportive), is because she probably opened up to him first. And because she so clearly has nothing to hide except her sadness. Fjord’s not good at reading people, so someone who is so open and genuine feels safe. And there’s also the fact that she’s the first person he met after his entire life changed. As Liam’s talked about re: Caleb sharing his background: it’s likely that at least part of the reason that Fjord shared his past with Jester is because he needed the catharsis.

There’s also Beau, who tends to answer people’s questions about her fairly straightforwardly, especially one-on-one (it’s just people often don’t ask her...) She’s not an “open book” in the same way Jester is. And she definitely has a certain amount of skill in deception. But she’s frank and honest in a way that I think Fjord probably found refreshing. Not “safe” in the same way he found Jester safe, but comfortable enough that he still feels like he can share the person he is now with her. Outside of Jester, Beau is the person who will consistently check on Fjord, and Beau is the person Fjord will consistently go to. I think there might be some contexts where a Beau betrayal may not “shock” Fjord in the same way a Jester betrayal would, but in a situation like the one down in the tomb, I think he would have been.

But every single other member of the Nein is closed off and twitchy and secretive. And Fjord isn’t the best at reading people—and I think he knows he’s not the best at it. He can tell when people are generally shifty and hiding something, but he can’t pick apart whether what they’re hiding are their motivations, or something else. Fjord has the same problem reading other people that certain parts of the fandom have reading Fjord—he keeps a lot close to the chest, and hides seemingly meaningless (to an outside observer) details, but is ultimately doing so out of shame and self-loathing. Given that uncertainty in being able to read others effectively, and also given that Fjord’s been burned by the betrayal of an ally before, it makes sense that he is generally reticent to grow close to people. Tens of episodes and several in-game months in and Fjord still doubts Caleb’s dedication to the group (granted, so does Caleb). It’s telling that the thing that’s gotten him closest to opening up to someone other than Jester, is Caleb offering to open up about himself in turn.

But, Fjord is a person who wants to be a part of a community. He wants the group to work (he’s like Molly in that respect). It’s what he and Caleb initially bonded over (and have circled back around to bonding over)—it’s also what he and Caleb had their biggest falling out over. It’s just that, for Fjord, The Group as an entity is sometimes more important than the group as a collection of individuals. He cares about all of them, he really truly does. But it’s a care that he’s carefully crafted a firewall for. If something goes wrong he can slam that wall up and safely keep separated his feelings for The Group, and his feelings for a member of The Group. I agree, that if any M9 member aside from Jester (and possibly Beau) did something to betray the group, that Fjord would have a similar response. He’s scared of being vulnerable in the same way he was after Sabien—or even after learning about Vandran.

But I think that connection is something Fjord wants. Fjord and Caduceus are similar in that they both seem to care for The Group as an entity, but also seem to be more emotionally detached. But where Caduceus’ detachment (as other meta-writers with a better grasp on Cad than I do have pointed out) comes from the fact that he already has a family, Fjord’s detachment is primarily a coping mechanism. A survival instinct. And it’s one that I don’t think he particularly wants most of the time. He doesn’t want to share his past, because he wants the Fjord he is right now to be the version of himself that the Nein love, and respect. I don’t know if Fjord fully realized how much other party members feel like they don’t really know him until Caleb brought it up (this in contrast to both Beau and Yasha, whom Caleb has few factual life details about, but with whom he’s had genuine and open conversations, and formed specific rapports).

All of this to say that I think it’s both true that Fjord is constantly prepared for people to betray and/or abandon him (see: his doubt the other’s would save them from the Iron Shepherds’; his doubt Caleb would want him as part of the team if he didn’t have powers), and also that Fjord would likely take that betrayal more personally than a lot of other members, regardless of who was doing the betraying. He might not be as emotionally devastated as Jester was/would be. He might not even be as angry as Beau would be (though if the succubus fight was an indication, Beau might just be sadly resigned if it was Caleb doing the betraying). But I do think he is internalizing Yasha’s apparent betrayal in a way the rest of them are not. Fjord immediately and specifically turns his castigation inwards for not being able to see and know that this betrayal was coming. He should know better by now after all, shouldn’t he? At a certain point, in Fjord’s view, if you keep getting betrayed it’s your own fault for being too stupid to see it coming (”fool me twice, shame on me”). And the more it happens, the more Fjord keeps wanting to throw up walls to protect himself from the hurt and self-hatred he feels, while at the same time one of the things he still wants most is to be accepted as part of a group. It’s a vicious cycle that keeps Fjord maintaining an arms’ length distance from the party, even while he is one of the first to take on responsibility for keeping the group as a whole safe, and “righting the ship.” It’s a constant push-pull of—I want to be accepted and cared for, but I can’t risk the danger of getting too close. Which makes Fjord’s reaction to leaving Yasha behind one of the most tragic, in my view. He’s lost a friend, but he’s also lost just that much more hope, or faith in the idea that one day someone might love and accept him without eventually turning on him

(Also as far as “whys” and “how could yous” go—I personally missed it during the stream, but I’ve seen at least a couple people point out that Fjord did ask Yasha “Why” when she attacked him. But by the time the group was talking about it as a whole, he had definitively settled on “she betrayed us, how could I have missed this. His emotional breakdown over her betrayal was small, and silent.)

#critical role #c2e69 #cr meta #fjord #sometimes this is a fjord meta blog #also this is so not what you asked for when you added those tags but boy did i get carried away with thoughts and feels

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