I finally accepted the fact that I'm not someone special. I'm not too smart, too pretty, too funny. I'm not the best at anything. I don't have anything to bring to the table.
And I hope one day I'll stop despising myself for it.
Who knows...
Maybe I'm the best at being average?
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“Don’t make me wait. My fingers are ready to do the walking!!”
::Epictusz Salvatore::
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Train train that pass me by
Quick thought that comes and byes
-another chug coal, fog air
Running fast my rail.
Yet you- hitherto lost with
My imagined ingenuity.
There was heat, there was beat
Enormous amount of dopamine
Like a gasoline in this machine
You can't break, still flooding
===_===_===_===_===_===
Well, Ainee please stop running around my head!
We are done, so done. Sa Friday please mawawala na ang lahat.
Hindi kita gusto at malamang nabaliw lang ako, at hindi ito totoo.
Hindi na natin kailangan ipagpilitan ang sarili natin sa taong ayaw at hindi tayo titingnan ng ganun. Move on ka na lang self...
Better fish, better self. 😢
Illusyon. Lamang. Ito.
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Escape from sleep paralysis
Shadow demons et all
Maybe I'll stay awake a while
instead of dreaming at all
Terror has its hold on me
my body can't tell what's real
My love is sleeping peacefully
unaware of my ordeal
My eyes grow heavy once again
sleep feels an awful chore
Do I chance a fitful slumber
with the shadow at the door?
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you were not mine
but sometimes
i imagined
you wished you were
sometimes I would,
stupidly think that
I´m all yours
but you don´t really want to be mine
but now you´re here
and I´m still unsure
If you want me for me
or only because I´m already yours
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A Step In Place
Nothing changes, yet nothing is the same
Is it the eyes, or the heart to blame?
Gears turning, clocks ticking in sync
Sweats and tears spilled, getting nothing
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Silogisme
Jika kukatakan kepadamu cinta
Maka apakah aku kurang ajar?
Aku tahu jawabanmu
p = aku pencinta kata(-kata)
q = kata favoritku adalah kau
Kautahu maksudku
0='tidak'
1='ya'
value='?'
17/9/23, 02.20
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I love water it is my favorite beverage; an ode:
room temp, cold, frozen, so yummy.
How i owe my happiness
of never having a uti to you,
i chug you with joy every few hours
to quench my severe dehydration
How I miss your tender taste
When i wake up in a sweat
Dry mouthed, saliva down my cheek
The love i feel when salvation comes and the hatred i feel when my cup empties
Thank you sink, thank you hose, thank you infrastructure
I wish upon all who read, a good healthy chug of yummy delicious water
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You keep telling them to shut up.
"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"
But the voices never stop. They keep getting louder and louder.
"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"
And you cover your ears.
But it doesn't help. Nothing ever helps.
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Deceive my own self
with lies wrapped
in clarity’s truth.
In the latter days grown,
once I reaped, altering what was once me, dicing into my youth.
Found myself wishing.
Angry, hateful, and frightened I fell deep into a slumber.
Emptied of tears like stars into dust with exhaustion from weeping.
A dagger imbedded,
plunged and buried,
Buried to its hilt.
Carcasses waining
as the peeling of skin;
and from within,
it’s decay,
a small comfort
of soothing tenderness
A softened way of wilt.
My truth adorning
the skies,
as a painting
of a masterwork’s folly.
Drips in the oozing disguise,
of blood sent in a spattering volley.
Indeed, t’was I who deceived,
as a rose beckons treachery
of thorn.
Found myself once again wanting;
Begging, not asking;
Dear god, my lord…
please purge me from within;
oh why, was ever I born?
::Epictusz Salvatore::
ad01.30.2023.22.06odrising
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Words whispered
in bedsheets
made me believe
we were in love
-h.h.
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Anna Akhmatova, The Complete Poems of Anna Akhmatova: Seventh Book; from ‘Midnight Verses: The Call’, tr. Judith Hemschemeyer
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I made some coffee today.
And refrained from putting much milk in it
So that it resembled the colour of your eyes.
It tastes bitter, but I'm used to it now.
I can't look into them anymore.
I just can't bring myself to do it.
Because i fear if i do,
I'd again drown into them,
This time breathlessly, deeper.
And this time nobody'd be able to save me.
No, i don't want that.
I thought love stays. That it stays no matter what.
I was wrong. It didn't.
Maybe it wasn't even love to begin with.
Maybe i was fooled by those eyes,
By your kindness, by your love.
Maybe i was too blinded
By the hunger for affection.
Maybe i was in love with only your love.
Maybe it was never YOU.
My heart is all blue now.
Blue's your favourite colour right?
You've always loved painting
me with its darkest shades.
You might remember it's mine too.
And always will be.
My heart misses beating to the rhythm of your heart.
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