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viviennes-tears · 3 years

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Zombies and Vampires (A continuation of Only Lovers Left Alive) Chapter 10

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Adam's p.o.v

Ugh, my head. It feels almost numb, my body is flowing with intoxicants mixed with my usual drink. I feel completely and utterly drained. Fuck, why did I do this to myself? I really I know why. I did it because of the dark thoughts which crept into my brain, the last time I was awake. Thoughts of the night before and what happened with Andie, with the added replay of Eve's death. I was doing it to punish myself for fucking to the images of Andie, for letting her get under my skin, and for the constant reminder of her being nothing more than a Zombie. Of course the replay of Eve's death is a daily occurrence anyway, so nothing new there and seeing her death over and over only hurts me more. How I survived last night's antics is something I cannot wrap my head around right now. Yet, it was enough for me to forget once I was too far gone, at least for a few hours. Hell if I hadn't survived I wouldn't need to remember any of it anyway.

I removed the pillow from my head and flipped over onto my back. I ran my right hand down my face, dragging the corner of my mouth as far as it could go along with my palm, as I groaned at myself. Zombies had one thing right, drugs can fuck you up. Although, they can do greater damage to someone like me at a far quicker rate than for them. As my fingers left my jaw they slowly went down the side of my neck, passing my collarbone before my hand lay down flat across my chest. And my fingers fanned out on the bare skin that was visible through my dressing gown. I could also feel the cord of my necklace (and the few chest hairs peeking out), a reminder that Eve is still close to my un-beating heart. I don't remember taking my clothes off, but I knew I must have at some point and covered myself with only my dressing gown. Although, there was one thing I was sure of and that was I won't be taking drugs again.

DING DONG!*

I rolled my eyes at the sound of the doorbell with a sigh leaving my lips. I slowly pulled myself up enough from my bed to rest on my elbows. Another ding dong filled my ears. I hate being disturbed at the best of times, right now though in my current state, I wish it was just in my numb-ish head. Yet, another ding dong sounded, only this time it was longer than the previous times. I slowly slid down the bed, the sheets and split out pills dragging along with my movements. The sheet didn't quite fall off the bed, but a couple of the pills did. The doorbell went off again as I fell to the floor onto my knees. I crawled on my hands and knees towards my bedroom door, using its frame to hoist myself up onto my feet. The ding dong turned into a rhythmic chant instead of the annoying droned out sound, as the ding dong is one of those deeper tones than the light high pitched ones. Whoever it was certainly was determined for me to get up.

Eventually I dragged myself away from the door frame I was leaning on, heading towards the living room slowly. I stumbled around over the broken parts of my instruments and managed to get to the widow. I opened the curtain enough to look out with one eye and the buzzing had stopped by now too. The dim light from just inside the first doors and the lamp nearby, gave me just enough light to see out. Then I saw a dark figure moved more directly into the light at the bottom step of my porch, dark brunette hair caught my attention in the dim light, and a curvy body like that could mean only one person. Andie. I didn't need to see her face to confirm her identity. I found myself rushing out as fast as my state would allow me to, so I could reach for the intercom button in the hall, I almost tripped up as I went too. I pushed the button and hoped I was fast enough before she could leave. Luckily the sound of the first set of front doors opening gave me the answer I was hoping for.

I dragged myself back into the living room, however my vision was suddenly compromised and I tripped up, falling to the hardwood flooring face down. I'd blacked out. I don't know how long, but I awoke with Andie helping me.

"Shit! Adam you look terrible." Andie spoke with concern and pulled my floppy self onto the coach. "I get you to always look pale, but this is worse than your normal, Adam. What have you been doing?" She brushes my hair out of my face and checks my eyes in the barely lit room. I do not answer her question, as my eyes can barely focus on her as it is. "Come on, let's get you up again."

One of Andie's hands is under my armpit while the other holds my hand, she hoists me up on my unstable feet. My hand clenches around hers tighter in support as my body betrays me, colliding into her side. Somehow she manages to keep me steady, giving me a chance to adjust before an attempt to make me walk. Bits of my broken instruments snap, crumble and smash under her combat boots and stab my bare feet as we walk.

"Where's your room?" Andie asked once we're in the hall.

"There." I point with my free hand and lean into her side again, bracing myself in our paused moment.

Andie waits for me to move first while she continues to hold me up. God, I am thankful that she's here right now, as I feel much worse. When I do move again she helps me glide along. Once we make it her face drops at the sight. You'd think seeing the mess before would have done it, but no. This is what makes her expression change all together.

"God sake, Adam! What-what were you trying to do?" Her voice reached a higher octave than normal and she dumped me down onto my messy bed.

"What does it look like?" I answered sarcastically.

"Fuck, Adam...is this all because you lost your wife?" Andie gripped my shoulders as my head lulled to one side.

I smirked like a smart arse before speaking. "This time it was." I couldn't admit she had some reason behind my state too.

"What do you mean, this time it was?" Andie shook me a little as my head straightened back up.

"This was not the first time, Andie." I admitted. Which is completely true, I've tried to end things long before Eve died. I had my demons even then too.

"How-how many times have you done this to yourself, Adam?" Andie's grip tightens as she stutters on her words.

"I don't remember. It's not something I keep track of." My smirk never left my face this entire time, along with my sarcasm.

"Do you at least remember when you first made an attempt?" Andie asked seriously.

My eyes finally start to focus on my paused moment while trying to think. No, I couldn't remember right now. Yet, I am enjoying the quietness from my mind. The voice is too out of it to make any kind of comment. As my eyes focus more they home in on Andie's eyes, the emerald green and violet specks within the brown calm me somewhat. Although my eyes are focused on her, I can sense the rest of her facial expressions have altered, as my smirk fades. Then my hands reach up to my face, my fingers spread out and my thumbs hook around the sides of my jaw, I'm hiding behind them with my eyes tightly closed.

"Adam?" Andie's voice softened. "Adam, it's okay." She manages to remove my hands from my face and holds them at my sides, my eyes remain closed though.

I hear Andie crouch down before me and her hands never leave mine. My nostrils flare up while they take in her scent. Funny how her scent seems to calm me in this state, whereas it would normally drive me crazy. Lustful crazy.

"Adam, you don't have to answer my questions right now." Andie's softness in her voice makes my eyes flutter open this time. A gentle smile greets me. "All I ask of you is to rest and take it easy."

I continue not to speak, but I nod my head in agreement. She raises back up and removes her hands from mine. I sit there watching her clean up the split pills on my bed. She grabs them and puts them back into their container, which ends up in her jeans back pocket. As a sign to me that she's putting her foot down in case I attempt to take them again. Then her hands grip my forearms as she easies me down onto my bed properly. I shuffle up towards my pillows with her help. Next she gathers the silk sheets from their crumpled state at the end of the bed. She proceeds to untwist them and grabs a corner with each hand on one side, then she hoists them up into the air, the sheets flutter down while being spread out. She lays the sheets down on my body and tucks me in. Despite how drained I feel from the drugs and blood binge, I know I will not sleep. Besides, I only sleep during the day. I just need to detox myself and I shall be back upon my feet.

Andie removes my hair from my face again and places a kiss on my forehead. Her lips felt gentle and soft against my skin and a whimper escaped my own lips. When she pulls away she sees me biting my lip from the realisation of my whimper. I curse myself internally for it. I wasn't expecting her affections to come down to a kiss, but it was a nice feeling all the same. As she begins to walk away I grab her wrist, this causes her to stop but she doesn't look at me.

"Don't leave. Please don't leave me, Antonia." I find myself begging her, using her full name.

She takes in a gentle breath and turns to face me. Her face softens as she lets out her breath from seeing my pleading face. I let her go knowing she's already agreed on her way to stay with me. Then I shuffle over enough for her to sit beside me. She had to take the pills out of her back pocket and put them beside her out of my reach. Once she's seated we fall into silence for a couple of minutes before I speak up.

"Thank you for staying." I gave her a weak smile.

"You're welcome." Andie returned my smile and added, "you know I was only going to clean up. It's like a bomb has exploded in there." She pointed her thumb over her shoulder in a gesture to her words. I chuckle lightly and for the first time around her...correction in five years.

"That's one way of putting it." I replied jokingly.

"I know I said you don't have to answer my questions right now, but, did you do all of that before taking all those pills?" Andie's face looked at me not just with concern but...fear?

"No." I answered and shifted a bit again. "It has been in that state since...well 2013. I haven't been tidying up since I came back." I added.

"When you came back? Where did you go?" Andie asked, frowning her brows, almost like she can't believe I've been anywhere else. I don't answer her the right way either, as I contemplate with myself about telling her. And I'm surprised my mind still hasn't anything to say to stop me either.

"Perhaps later?" I decided that is the best answer for now.

"Sure." Uh? She's letting it slide, but I sense she has many questions. Then her eyes shifted down to my chest where my skull necklace was now visible to her again. It must have untucked itself some time ago, but she's only now looking at it. "Your wife..."

"Eve." I remind her.

"Eve...did she ever have to deal with this sort of thing?" She asked softly, while reaching for the skull, like she had last time.

"Deal with what exactly?" I asked, mimicking her soft tone. Actually, I know what she's talking about, but I still wanted to delay my answer.

"Deal with all of this...the drugs I mean." Her eyes looked back into mine and I could see sadness within them. I can tell it's not pity but...understanding? I know I couldn't stand it if she were to pity me.

"Later, not now. I promise, just give me some time to get myself together." I said and placed my hand over hers again like last time. Even though the sadness remains within her gaze, she at least smiles a little warmer.

After ten minutes Andie started to clean up in the living room. She insisted during our little 'banter' as she called it, about 'the bomb explosion' of the mess, which I surrounded myself with. I enjoyed our 'bantering,' as it was fun compared to the actual arguments we've ended up having. My current situation probably added up to my amusement, as I can still feel the intoxicants in my system, which I need to sort out now that I am alone. I did start to detox myself in a form of what Zombies call 'meditation,' only not quite the same. It is the best way I can explain it. Besides, it's better for Andie not to see me while I detox myself.

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I spent the best of an hour detoxing, showering and getting more appropriately dressed. I decided to wear my black button down shirt, and one of my many pairs of skinny black jeans. A little more dressed up than I have been in five years. Before I left my bedroom I picked up the folding wooden photo frame, which was facing down on the bedside table. I stared at it while sitting on the edge of the bed, and there was Eve and my younger self staring right back at me. The only photo I have of us from our third wedding. June 23rd 1868. We got married in what the Zombies call a registrar office. It was fitting for the time and the fanciest wedding out of all three. Eve wanted to get all dressed up and have at least one wedding in the traditional way Zombies would. Call it one of those impulse feelings, or curiosity of what a Zombie like union experience would be like. Of course I was more than happy to get married again. I didn't care where or how we got married, I only wanted her happiness and to be with her. When I was done looking back at my past, I placed the folding wooden photo frame back into its rightful place. Only this time having it standing proudly, as it should be. Then I left my bedroom.

I leaned on the door frame into the living room and watched Andie marvel at the only two records that remained in tacked. One being the original pressing of Iggy Pop's 'The Idiot,' from March 18th, 1977. And a Hank Williams original 'Moanin' the Blues,' from September 8th, 1952. I don't have a clue why they were spared during the chaos, but I found them when I did one time attempt to clean up. The point is that I gave up too easily and placed them on the clutter heap pile on the table, which is next to my broken record player. Andie took a few minutes cleaning up the clutter pile of broken bits before she turned and jumped back, she was startled by presents.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." I said with a slight chuckle.

"It's ok." Andie laughed a little too. "So...you had quite the collection of everything in here." She said, while holding up some pieces of broken records in one hand, and the neck of my 1966 Hagstrom in the other.

"Yeah, well...I told you it's important. Important to know your instruments, and now I'm telling you it's important to know your music. Having a wide knowledge of different genres and musicians can help you explore new ways to write your own music." I replied, taking the neck of the Hagstrom from her and ran my fingers on the fretboard. Then messed with the remaining broken strings still somewhat attached by the last of the tuning pegs. "When you begin to see the possibilities of music, you desire to do something really good for people, to help humanity free itself from its hangups...I want to speak to their souls."

"Wow, that was beautiful, Adam." Andie seemed to really take in every word well.

"John Coltrane, an American Jazz saxophonist and composer. He knew what he was talking about." I say as I hand Andie back my broken Hagstrom back. I hate having to give things up, but I understand things which cannot be fixed should be thrown away.

"I agree...You promised to tell me what happened." Andie said slowly, and put my Hagstrom into a pile of broken instruments, which she'd made close by.

"I did?" I asked in a serious tone and narrowed my eyes at her, she simply nodded. I nodded and rolled my eyes. "You best sit down." I say, trying to delay a little longer, but she sits down on my coach anyway without a second thought. I sat on the arm of the coach keeping my distance from her.

'Be careful about what you say.' The voice is back, which caused me to groan internally.

"Adam?" Andie squeezed my knee to get my attention, but her hand stayed on my knee even when I lifted my gaze to her. Only after our little moment of eye contact did she remove her hand.

"Ava..." I hated myself for starting off with the brat, but it was the best place to start in a way. "Ava, my wife's sister, showed up one night, uninvited I might add and she slithered her way back into our lives again. She stayed with us for a few days, annoying the hell out of me as always, including getting her own way too much. Which led us to join Ian at the bar watching White Hills perform. It also annoyed me the fact Eve was letting her get away with being the fucking brat that she is, until the night she trashed my house. It wasn't the first time she's crossed a line. Luckily, I haven't seen her face since I chucked her out that night. I assume she went back to L.A. Also I was revealed she didn't turn up for Eve's funeral. As there's no way I could have dealt with her and kept myself calm too, because I know I would have shouted her ears off." It was basically the outline of what happened. But, I had to leave out the worst aspects of that night.

'Good explanation, the less details she knows about the better.' The voice added.

"Ah, so Ava likes to cause mischief?" Andie said.

"She's been a thorn in the arse more than once, yes." I agreed.

"What made her decide to do all this? There must have been a strong motive." She replied while she motioned to the mess around us.

"No more questions about Ava. I'd rather not keep talking about her." I said firmly.

'Yeah, get out while you still can.' The voice added in agreement.

"Fine with me....but can I say something? It's not to do with what's happened." Andie seemed off when she spoke.

"Yeah." I said slightly confused.

"You're going to probably think I'm crazy...last night when Steven was driving me home I started to have this moment. My head was hurting and I could see these images of you in my mind." I sat there frozen, wide eyed staring at her. "Adam?" She had to physically snap out of it by shaking me a little.

"Sorry, I guess I'm still out of it." I lied, because I was fine now. More or less. "Out of curiosity, what exactly did you see me doing?"

"Well I didn't really see you, it was more like I was watching what you did last night, as if I saw things through your eyes. I saw everything from when you entered the bar to me walking away. Including that woman hitting on you. I told you it will sound crazy." Andie chuckled awkwardly.

"I wouldn't say crazy, more like..."

"God, don't say something of the supernatural or some shit." Andie sounded quite dismissive about that possibility.

"Haha, she wouldn't believe what you really are with that attitude." The voice mocked Andie.

"Antonia...humph...I don't know what to say to you. Only the fact I don't know, sorry. I wish I had some explanation for you. Really. If it does happen again, tell me. Maybe we can come up with a reason." I hated lying right now. I knew exactly how and why she was experiencing this. I just never knew I had done this to her.

"I-it wasn't the first time." She admitted sheepishly.

"No? When else?" I frowned.

"The morning you dropped off after the party." Andie shrugged.

"Ah." I said, sounding perhaps like I really knew something. "So...after both experiences how did you feel? Again out of curiosity." I needed to know how much pain I caused her.

"This first time it wasn't so bad. It was more like flashing images and less painful. Last night it hurt like a bitch. I wasn't myself after that whole deal. I-I was scared....god is that a Supro?" Andie got distracted when she spotted my only guitar left. It was sitting on a stand behind me in the corner, only a part of him could be seen from the white cloth I'd put over him. She rushed over and removed the white cloth off of him and carefully picked him up. I watched her inspect him with delicate care and her eyes sparkled. I was going to ask her more about what happened, but she clearly wanted to move on. So I let her.

"William Lawes." I said after a while.

"What?" Andie held him close to her body as if she was going to play, when she turned her attention back to me.

"His name is William Lawes after an old 17th century English guy, who wrote some great funeral music, and was casually shot dead by a Parliamentarian." I said as I approached her.

"Wow, you really are into a range of musicians and you clearly know your History too." She smiled and handed William to me.

"It's..."

"Important" Andie finished for me.

"This was actually one of the last guitars Ian had found for me to buy and add to my collection. A white 1959 Supro single-cutaway body, with a one piece hardwood neck. Complete with a Rosewood fretboard, two pickups and Plexiglass pickguard. All original and in brilliant condition." I said as I showed her each section I mentioned.

"You and Ian seemed close." Andie seemed to pick up on an emotion I hadn't noticed I was even showing. An emotion triggered from talking highly of Ian and my awh over such a beautiful instrument.

"You could say he was the only friend I had left." I turned away from her and began messing around with William, even though he wasn't hooked up to my sound system. Not that I could anyway as it was destroyed like everything else. Which left me with the question, why did I ask her to come over and play?

"Well...erm...cleaning up here is going to take longer than one night. I could always come back another time, maybe a few times to get things into a more habitable space." Andie said softly and gathered her jacket up in her arms.

"You're leaving?" I asked giving her puppy dog eyes.

"Maybe it'll be for the best. I mean you're in a venerable place and I'm not helping by being nosy, as usual. Before I go though, is there anything else I need to confiscate from you?" She asked and narrowed her eyes on me.

"There's some other stuff in a brown paper bag in the kitchen, and maybe something under the red cushion." I said and pointed at the cushion.

Andie checked under the red throw cushion and found a container without a label on it, which was what most of the brown paper bag contained. Then she followed my lead into the kitchen and dodged the chess pieces sprawled on the floor, so she could get to the chess table. Well what she doesn't know is I was the one who caused the mess in here. Ava may have been responsible for the living room, but everywhere else was my doing. I walked her to the door, before she left she turned to me again.

"Adam, if you need me, you know where to find me." Andie said and kissed my cheek.

I tried my best not to let her affections affect me too much, or at least make it seem that way. I failed, obviously. I let out another whimper, which caused her to chuckle. If I had a pulse or was warm bloodied I know I would have been blushing. As Andie reached for the door handle I suddenly stopped her. My hand on hers and our eyes meet.

I cleared my throat then said, "allow me." Andie nodded and I let her remove her hand from the door handle. I then followed her through the first doors once I opened them, before following her out of the second.

"Goodnight, Adam." Andie smiled and I nodded once, before she turned around to start walking away.

I could have offered her a lift, but deep down I knew she would have declined away. A way of letting me continue to go through the recovery process.

After Andie was out of my sight I went back inside and sat down on the coach with my head between my hands. I'd caused Antonia pain, worse than I have when I've been aware of what I've said. I mentally caused her pain and lied about it.

"SHIT!" I screamed after bringing my head up from my hands.

Things are getting worse. The odds are building against me...she never mentioned about seeing me pleasuring myself in the bathroom last night. But it doesn't mean she hasn't either. I hope she didn't see that...I don't understand it myself, so to have her see me like that isn't how I wanted things to go. Or any of it for that matter. I don't know what I'm saying anymore...I need time to think.

Adam Masterlist

Source: @viviennes-tears

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