#mental health is just as important as physical health

[sonofatoasterwaffle]

Timber Timbre

The firework that sets him off is probably a Roman candle, and way closer than all the other ones have been, by Hen’s estimate. Eddie is on the ground before she can say anything and Hen’s blood runs a little cold at the realization of what’s happening. 

“Eddie,” she says gently. “It’s still fireworks, it’s okay.” 

Eddie is squatting low behind the kitchen island, head down, and he’s visibly shaking. He nods jerkily, but his breathing doesn’t slow at all. Hen’s heart hurts, but she’s careful not to get too close. She’s well versed in many a mental health crisis, but what to do when your friend is having combat flashbacks feels a little out of her depth. She gets low with him, keeps her tone soft and even. “How can I help, Eddie?” 

His eyes are wild when they meet hers, his hands clenching around nothing like he’s physically clinging to the present. “Can you-“ he stutters. “Where is-? I need Buck.” 

Hen is on her feet as quickly as she can without startling him. “I’ll find him, okay? You stay right here.” 

Downstairs, Buck’s holding the heavy bag for Chim, saying something that was probably meant to be encouraging but comes out more antagonistic. Their shift into being brothers has obviously been going well. They both stop in their tracks when they see the look on Hen’s face. 

“Eddie needs you.” It feels important to say it the way he did.

Another firework goes off then and Buck pales. “Oh, shit.” 

Then he’s taking the stairs two at a time with Hen and Chim not far behind. “Kitchen.” She calls after him. 

Eddie is where she left him, but now his hands are pressed against his ears. Buck squats down in front of him slowly, ducking his head so he can catch Eddie’s eye. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, it’s me, I’m here.” He says, like it’s definitely not the first time.

He looks back and Hen and Chimney, whispers, “Can you guys sit with us a second?” 

They nod, taking their places off to the left across from them, backs against the kitchen counter. Close enough if they need help, far enough away to keep their bubble intact. Hen’s grateful for the direction, and when Bobby comes out of his office, she waves him over, finger to her lips. He doesn’t question it, just squats down on Hen’s other side. 

Eddie shudders, breathes hard out of his nose. Says, “Buck.” Real soft. 

Buck nods, scoots closer at the recognition, reaches out to run his fingertips feather-light over Eddie’s forearms. “You’re in LA, Eddie. At the 118.”

Eddie gasps like he’s just reached the surface of water. “Doesn’t- doesn’t feel like it.” 

Buck grimaces. “I know. I know, let’s go through it, okay?” 

Eddie nods, once, lets Buck take his hands and keep going. “I feel,” Buck prompts. 

Eddie closes his eyes. “Panicked.” 

Buck nods, soft look on his face like pride. It makes Hen’s eyes water. Their boy has grown up so much. 

“Because the fireworks made me think about,” 

“The chopper going down. Getting shot at while the fire was burning. Greggs.” Eddie grits out through bared teeth. 

Buck rubs his thumbs over the backs of Eddie’s hands. “But if I look around I can see,” 

Eddie forces his eyes open with what looks like immense effort, trains them on Buck for a solid ten seconds before he looks around the rest of the room. “You. The 118. Bobby. Hen. Chimney.” 

He looks at each of them in turn. Hen nods encouragingly, waves a little, which seems to increase the recognition on his face. 

Buck smiles at him. “Yeah, that’s good, real good.” 

Some of the tension seeps slowly from Eddie’s shoulders, and Buck rewards it with a squeeze of their joined hands. “Tell me what day it is.” 

Another firework goes off in the distance and Hen wants to murder someone. Bobby looks like he’d help her without a second thought. The fucking audacity to set off explosives when you live by a firehouse is astounding. 

Eddie winces but Buck stays firm with him, tapping his fingers rhythmically against Eddie’s knuckles. “What’s the date, Eds?” 

“Fourth of July.” 

“Exactly. Which means,” 

“Morons.” Eddie answers, rote, like he’s been trained. The way Buck’s handling him right now, Hen supposes he has been. 

“You got it.” He praises, pressing forward until his forehead rests against Eddie’s. “Chris was excited, though, remember?” 

“Poke cake.” Eddie responds and Bobby smiles. 

Midwestern traditions often mystify Hen, but Christopher was so excited to make that weird jello cake with Bobby and Buck that she couldn’t help but decide she loved that one. They spent all evening in Bobby and Athena’s kitchen last night, making gratuitously American dishes that should be objectively gross but that Denny and Chris were wild for. Poke cakes with red and blue jello, things being called “salad” that have never and will never be salad, and burgers that were always a welcome staple in Grant-Nash cookouts. 

Buck is tapping his fingers on Eddie’s knees now, alternating as he prods Eddie to talk him through Christopher’s latest science project. Bilateral brain stimulation, her brain provides. Works for most long-term trauma treatment but can also be helpful during flashbacks. Evan “Internet Research Extraordinaire” Buckley certainly hasn’t been a slouch in this endeavor. 

As he talks through Buck’s prompts, Eddie is slowly relaxing, sitting up on his own a bit more but shifting closer to Buck, tension slowly bleeding out of him as he points out the things he knows, the things he can see, what Bobby made for dinner, what Chimney’s favorite show is right now, what class he helped Hen run flashcards for. It makes Hen’s heart grow too big in her chest. To know that they’re a part of Eddie’s recovery, of him feeling safe. 

“Where are you, Eddie?” Buck asks again after a few minutes of this. They’re side by side now, shoulders brushing as they lean back against the island cabinets. 

Eddie takes a deep breath, sags a little against Buck. “I’m in LA. I’m at the 118 firehouse. You’re all here with me. Everyone’s safe.” 

Hen smiles encouragingly at him, Chim says, “We’re here for you, man.” 

Eddie looks away, mutters, “Esto es tan vergonzoso,” color staining his cheeks. 

“Nuh uh.” Buck answers, firm. “None of that. No tienes nada de que avergonzarte.” 

Hen knows Buck spent a while in Peru. Bartending, she thinks. She’s heard him speak Spanish to people on calls before, but his accent has historically been horrendous. It sounds like being in the Diaz orbit has been helpful for that. Hen doesn’t speak Spanish well, but she’s been in LA long enough to get the gist most of the time. 

“Sorry you guys had to see that.” Eddie apologizes anyway, ignoring Buck.

Bobby shuts that down immediately. “Everybody’s got their demons, Eddie. We’re just happy we can help with yours.” 

He tells Eddie he should take the rest of the night, even as Eddie protests that he’s fine and he doesn’t want to leave them hanging. “It’s just a few hours, Eddie. Take him home, Buck?” 

Buck nods, looking relieved that he didn’t have to ask permission. Eddie still looks a little mortified, but it’s tempered by Bobby’s careful hand on his shoulder. “Get some rest, and I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“When do you think they’ll give in and just get married?” Chim asks after Buck bundles Eddie into his Jeep. 

Bobby snorts. “I’ve had the paperwork ready to go for years.”

Also on AO3

#9-1-1 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #fic #i'm sorry i just can't stop thinking about Eddie relying on Buck to be a safe place for him #combat flashbacks #PTSD #oblivious idiots #i have so little patience for people who set off fireworks in their yards #also I love writing from Hen's perspective #Hen Wilson #Chimney Han #Bobby Nash #this lives in the same universe as Port in a Storm #Eddie and Buck being so close and yet still not ready to admit how they feel for each other my beloved

[twisted-gremlin]

Semicolon tattoo and the first years

If you dont know what a semicolon tattoo means, it's a signafier that that person has gone tough mental health struggles. They may or may not continue to struggle with it in the current day depending on what it is they are working with. It's something to empower that person to say that their story hasn't ended yet, even tough it could have, it hasn't.

I just got one myself and I tought of how the guys would react to a tattoo, I may do a general tattoo one, idk yet- lol

For these I'm going to have the tattoo placed somewhere clear and easy to see

Ace: he kinda tought your tattoo was neat, didn't get why it had to be a (in his opinion) useless and overly complicated punctuation. But when you told him the story behind why you got one, he realized in that moment little habits that you have, like apologizing for breathing wrong, or claming up when being scolded, or your protective ness of those you consider friends, or your holding people at arms length. So, whenever he sees you improving from what he has seen, he gives you a high five, or steals something from Trey for ya. As a reward for being awsome.

Deuce: if it's just a small one, he would barely notice it. If it's a little bigger than he will kind of respect you and think that you are also a bit of a punk. Of course, he badly wants some tattos of his own, but is discouraged to get one because he wants to be a cop. But still, he'll ask questions about the tattoo, how dos it feel, how was healing, what's the meaning behind it? After hearing your story he goes to you, and hugs you, thanking you for sharejng your story and that if you need anything, he'll help you, like a good honor student and friend! He would still do that for the smaller one,.but Ace would be there too

Jack: I think he would be apathetic to tattos, never really wanting one, but not judging those who get one either. He may complement it of it's plant or sports themed even. One day, out of curiosity he may ask what was the reason you got it, knowing that some are very personal, while others are random. When you tell him, he will thank you for telling him, and that if you need someone to help you out ever he will be there (he is a loyal pup afterall-)

Epel: another tattoo dork, but he probably wont get one. But he absolutely respects those who have one for any reason. He would ask about your tattoo happily, knowing this could be a chance to get to know you better instead of people allways letting their shit out onto ya. After telling him your story, he is probably gonna get pissed at someone (or multiple someone's idk) in the story. But, you let him know that you're doing better now, time has passed and you carried trough it, succeeding and makeing it further than you tought

Ortho: this kid searched up the symbol, put together the meaning behind it quickly, so he just kinda, hugged you. Saying you're amazing, and that he is glad you're here. He dosent know much about the why, and he dosent want to force it, so he'll just be there if you ever need him

Sebek: I think at first, he is pissed. He doswnt understand why any being would permanently taint their body for asthetics. So, you explain as madly, or as calmly as you can the story of it. It shuts him up a bit, and he even apologizes. I think he takes health seriously since his father is a dentist, so mental qnd physical health is important to him.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst hcs #twst mc #duce spade #ace trappola #jack howl #twst epel #ortho twisted wonderland #twst sebek

[tralalalalally]

Some sketches of headcanons for Maedhros' body-type, tattoos, and scars.

I will give a warning for talk on poor mental and physical health before my notes:

. His body-type in particular is something he specifically works for - before Thangorodrim I think he had the more stereotypical elf-prince body (his mother-name is "well-formed", yes?) - something classically desireable. After his capture, the mix of starvation and hard physical labour made him unhealthily lean. After being rescued he was able to build up body fat again, but instead of regaining his old body he works for this new one. Something undeniably strong, untouchable, a warriors body further exaggerated. Not only does he want to distance himself from the perfection of the old him, he wants to make sure noone looking at him could see him as weak. I doubt he'd remember at least the first few months after his rescue well, but from what he does, he feels ashamed. Hiding, cowing away in fear like a child, striking out at those trying to help, revealing far too much of his trauma from the enemy. Emotion becomes a weakness to him, and he learns to control that, but then as he heals further he seeks control over his body too. I think he might eventually see himself - both body and soul - like a project similar to the construction and ruling of Himring. Especially I imagine a disconnect from his body - it is something to be built up, made strong and impenetrable, anything to not be harmed and tormented again.

. The most important scars for my headcanon (other than his missing hand of course) are the brand on his shoulder and the whip marks on his back. The brand effects him the most, and is something he covers as much as possible. None would know about it other than Findekano, Makalaure, and a few healers. Unfortunately due to it being raised, it cannot be tattooed over (nor do I think he'd be able to sit through any tattoos). I am thinking of designing some type of clothing that would essentially be part of his underwear, something that would keep it covered as often as possible - goes over the shoulder, wrapping around his body to beneath the right arm pit?

For the whip scars - when first brought to Thangorodrim he would sometimes be put to work with the other thralls. This was meant to be demoralising, the thralls seeing their prince/king reduced to this, and to show Maedhros how much had been taken from him. Of course the scars healed poorly and were often infected (I think with the brand, it may have been purposefully aggravated to make the scarring worse), though due to his positioning he got enough medical care to keep him alive. Now that he is free they still give him trouble - mobility issues from ones that cut into muscle, and the scarring itself makes the flesh stiff and less flexible. There is also a lack of feeling for most of the area.

. Tattoos - I honestly don't have any real sure designs or positioning fro them. My main thought was the vision of a tattoo of the 8 pointed star, broken up and faded due to scarring caused at Thangorodrim. You can still tell what the tattoo is of, but it has undeniably been damaged. I think I'd like to design for him a large back tattoo - star of Feanor in the middle, with other references surrounding it. Then, of course, the whip scars on top.

(Ah, and for body hair: I imagine elves can grow it, just usually not as thick. I think I remember reading that some can grow beards in old age? (As with Cirdan), so why not the same for body hair lol. I mean, humans also only get most after puberty)

#my art #silm art #silm fanart #maedhros #tolkien #feanorions #i have a feeling tumblr wont like this one haha

[super-duper-mart]

just a reminder that ur loved<3

#if you dont think anyone loves u i do:) #super duper mart speaks #mental health is just as important as physical health #mental health awareness #actually mentally ill

[positivitywithinme]

#mental heath matters #mental health is just as important as physical health #mental heath #positive mental attitude #positivity #self improvement #motivation #life quote #daily reminder #quoteoftheday #positive mindset #inspiration #you are amazing #you matter #you are loved #you are beautiful #you are not alone

[lithiumrev]

on top of being consistently suicidal, i learned the mortality rates of people with IIH. it has fucked me up, especially because it feels like everything was preventable. i found out i more than likely have multiple sclerosis, and i just…. i cant believe it. life was decent, but now im just spiraling.

#tw: suicide #tw: suicidal #multiple sclerosis #spoonie #iih #im not having a good time #mental health is just as important as physical health #and vice versa #but goddammit

[ivoreene]

“Because I want to leave him in the care of an adult who understands other people’s pain. Someone like you.”

“…You came here just to say such sugary-sweet words?”

“You know that I have a sweet-tooth, don’t you?”

“I’m not good with sweets, though.”

----------------

happy nanago day!! it still 7/5 where i live so it counts :] go read the jjk light novel (where the quotes come from) ! its very cute !

my fav translation here -> right here! (i used quotes from this translation, please go check it out it has footnotes and everything! :] )

#the light novel is just the nanagoers bible tbh #its so cute i cannot recommend it enough. theres also a cute tokyo trio + gojo chapter #read it a while ago but ive been going thru it again tee hee #going on a mini hiatus after this! have fun w season 2 jjk lovers and/or haters. ill be back in like ten-ish days #(unless im lying --could be a few days off bc teen nanami is so cute) #mental and physical health is important ive learned !!! JFDKDFSHHJ #nanami kento #nanami #kento nanami #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk fanart #jjk light novel #nanago #gonana #my art

[uncanny-tranny]

Allow yourself the space to grieve while also recognizing that you made the best decision for yourself. Both are true at once, and you don't need to ignore one emotion in favour of another. Allow yourself the space, freedom, and opportunity to feel your full range of emotions on an entirely neutral basis.

#mental health #mental health support #this was inspired by the grief i've felt in cutting off multiple family members. i deserved to cut them out of my life. #but i also deserve to grieve as much and as long as i need to. and i think it's important to allow others that too #but this goes for any situation in which you did the best you could do but you still need to grieve #grieving isn't just about physical loss. it's ABSOLUTELY part of grief but i don't believe it is the ONLY thing you can grieve #<maybe i should make a post about this #maybe i have talked about it before but then i forgor. who knows but i think this topic is important (that being grief)

[starstruck-flames]

Hey everyone.

This is your friendly reminder that no matter what-

Size you are

Gender you are

Colour you are

Hair length you are

Height you are

Mentally stable you are

Anything fucking else you could possibly find negative about yourself

That no matter what I can assure you that your fave loves you.

The way you smile at them.

The way you laugh with them.

The way you love them.

You are okay, you are accepted and you are loved.

And hell. If you still don’t believe me?

I love you! No matter what.

A song, for you!! Yes, you!!

A lot of us used to be messed up kids. It’s up to us to be not so messed up adults, and accepting ourselves and others is the first step.

Take your meds, drink your water and get a snack. You deserve some care, no matter what.

#body positive #mental health #mental health is important!! just as important as physical #and my fucking god if it takes the fact you’ll get to live to dream another dream about them then live on brother #x reader #mha x y/n #mha x reader #Black Butler x reader #welcome home x reader #bleach x reader #Naruto x reader #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs x you #bungo stray dogs x reader #squish rants #Spotify

[bitchapalooza]

I loooooove England and miscommunication so muuuuuuuuuuuch they pair SO FUCKING WELL TOGETHER ENGLAND X MISCOMMUNICATION OTP FR FR uuuuh well anyway most of his bad relationships with his kids is built on bad communication and often times infantilization(still seeing them as his babies rather than politically strong and smart capable individuals). His trust issues are to blame for the most part but also he’s just reaaaaaally shit at communication in general and often resorts to lying and manipulation to protect himself. He self sabotages in as many ways as he possibly can— “they’re going to leave me anyway, might as well kickstart the abandonment myself”.

#I would say he’s seeking therapy nowadays but I’d be lying because I think he’s still grasping the idea of what mental health if tbh #obviously he knows what it is but the idea that it’s just as important as physical health is still foreign to him #England doesn’t take care of himself very well both mentally and physically #I want this bitch to cry *gives him trauma that he refuses to get help for* #hetalia #hetalia headcanons #hws england

[just-a-bird-in-a-sweater]

There's nothing wrong with giving up actually

Like if you're not enjoying something, or it's not worth the effort to you

You can just stop.

#like especially if it's bad for your mental/physical health #but also just in general like whatever! #idk why people push the idea of ''never giving up'' like it's so important and good #literally like. sometimes it's just not worth it.

[ghostcasket]

living on your own is hard, you know? especially in the beginning, especially when you’re a student, especially when you have mental health issues, especially when you also have chronic physical health issues. it’s hard and if you’re like me living in a studio, like, actually by yourself, nobody around to hold you accountable—or to gently remind you, hey, you haven’t eaten in a while.

and while for most of us, moving out is an overwhelming gust of relief, i think it’s just as important to acknowledge that sometimes, it’s hard.

if you have barely managed adhd like me, and sometimes the bare minimum of self care seems unattainable—well, you’re on your own. it’s easy to let yourself slip into unhealthy patterns and neglect yourself.

but then, here are some ways my cat pulled me out before i could slip too far.

there are 2 constants i can always count on, day in day out, no matter how chaotic or disorganised i am, how out of routine; his feeding times. morning and evening, he has to have food. this little creature is everything to me. it’s my job to keep him safe and happy and healthy.

and then, as i pour kibble into his little bowl, i might remember i also haven’t eaten in a—wow, it’s seven p.m. already—so while i’m up, i might as well throw some leftovers in the microwave or grab a slice or 2 of dry bread. i’m in the kitchen anyway. giacomo absolutely scarfs down his dinner and i watch him.

he’s a kitten, still. he wants to play all of the time and when he doesn’t he’s sleeping but oh my god he loves my feet. he’s bitey. i absolutely cannot get too lost in my own head when he wants to play. i have to be careful to emerge with all of my fingers still attached to my hand. fucking ow, dude, what’s wrong with you.

his litterbox needs to be maintained regularly, too. i can’t let it get disgusting because a clean littlerbox makes for a happy cat, so i have my little poop baggies that i deposit by the door and then when i go to school i can take them down to the trash, but if i’m going to the trash anyway i might as well grab my own human trash too and throw that out as well, and then that’s one more task crossed off the list.

speaking of litter—that shit runs out fast. i don’t know how big you guys’ bags of cat litter are, but i can get around 3 uses out of a 10L bag, and then i have to go to the store to buy more. and, you know, i’m at the store anyway, so i may as well grab some essentials that i know i’ve run out of—pasta, tomatoes, cream cheese, bread—and then i have enough to eat for the next few days again. and i’m outside, too, at least while i walk to the store, which is a 2 minute walk and that’s doable even on a bad day, and 2 minutes outside is better than no minutes outside.

my little man needs to be safe and happy and healthy. i have to be at least some degree of functional to be able to provide that for him. and as thanks, he bites my toes and jumps at me in the face and shoves his cold little wet nose in my ears like they hide forbidden kitty treats and whines until i cuddle him and climbs in my lap and naps there, purring so loud i can feel it reverberate in my whole body.

and it’s just, he needs me, you know? so i have to be at least a little bit okay. and because he doesn’t allow me to actually deeply spiral into the throes of depression et al, it’s easier to pull myself out again.

i wasn’t sure for a while if he’d be allowed to move in with me, and then when i got the green light i found out that his adoption fee would be a lot higher than expected and i couldn’t afford it, but one clandestine extraction mission later (shoutout to Quinn, you’re a real one) (nobody cancel me, i did not actually steal him from a shelter) and he was napping on my lap like he’d never known any different.

so i just can’t help but feel like this was kind of meant to be, you know?

and i’m really grateful. like, really, really grateful.

so even on days where i can’t do anything—when it feels genuinely impossible—you can count on me to drag my ass to his food bowl when he screams at me that it’s dinner time. and maybe i’ll grab a slice of bread on the way.

(the toe biter in question, giacomo poopy)

(feel free to add your own toe biters to this post. this is a Creature Appreciation Post)

#jes.txt #mental health #depression #adhd #autism #anxiety #i had a Bad Afternoon (found out my meds and caffeine don’t mix well. coming down from what physically felt like a severe 4 hour panic attac #and came home to Him. yknow. #he’s just really important to me #i felt like he should be appreciated by all of tumblr #i’ll give him a tag. sure #giacomo.image

[mirananananan]

little life update/rant below :)

i feel like i've been so inactive lately which makes me big sad, but when i say i have not had the time, i'm being so serious. yesterday i literally woke up, went into work an hour early, stayed after for almost 2 hours, went home, made dinner, and immediately sat down to work on a grad school assignment and then had to work for another hour before i went to bed. then i woke up this morning and did it all again. it just feels like that's how my days look more and more recently, and it's been really hard tbh. it's demoralizing and just sad to work all day and still wake up the next day wishing i had done more, still with a mile long to do list, and knowing that it's just going to keep being this way for at least the next couple weeks.

anyways all of this is to say that i'm just both really grateful for and sorry to all my mutuals who have continued to tag me in things and stuff in the past couple weeks :) it may sound weird or dumb, but if i'm being honest i have SERIOUS fandom fomo right now, and, even though i haven't really had time recently, it's been nice to not feel like lost in the shuffle or forgotten (i told u it was going to sound weird).

being on tumblr/in fandom has truly been the most incredible escape and been such a stress relief and source of happiness for me. i'm still very much here, just lurking and liking more because i'm conserving brain bandwidth as much as possible during the week!!!!

#to get more personal in the tags i started going to therapy #i've never had good experiences in the past #but it's going really well so far #and i'm proud of myself for making the time even when i've been so busy #i've also stayed consistent w my gym schedule which is so important for my mental and physical health #so like. i am doing things other than working #but i just don't have as much time to do little fun things rn #also in case anyone cared the reason i'm so busy at work is because on top of just having a busy job generally #i'm also a glutton for pain and i run our student government #and homecoming is next week #and it's just..........so much stuff to do #so many emails to send so much to coordinate so many people to please #but it's almost over! #just have to make it through a 60 hour work week next week and i'll be fine #ALSO i keep forgetting it's my birthday next week #will lowkey be the worst birthday of my life but oh well 26 is a lame birthday anyway #personal

[corpsepng]

I think I get so resentful because all I do is take care of other people even though I’ve never been able to properly take care of myself

#rant: I love my mom but there’s always always always something #I’m going to take care of her. i want to deep down. but just when I think I can relax and make time for me and what I need #for my mental physical and emotional health. things I’ve been holding off on because I’m less important #she injures herself and needs my constant attention #for once I wish I could get help but I’m so good at functioning at 0% that I come last always fucking last #I have to fix them and care for them and provide because no one else can or will #I’m just tired #all the fucking time

[lithiumrev]

im not having a good time right now, so if im offline for a day or two im just taking a break.

#uhhhh idk #mental health is just as important as physical health #and vice versa #got fandom? #tw: chronic illness #tw: childhood trauma #bleach #pixar onward #chronic illness #chronic migraine #witchblr #im not having a good time #not today jesus

[pepprs]

genuinely so angry and scared im shaking. how many other times this week this month this year have i been exposed without knowing it. do people even tell each other anymore. it’s just so grim. it’s so fucking grim

#purrs #delete later #covid19 #i am fighting for my fucking life every day to stay safe and to keep the people around me some of whom are disabled / chronically ill / #immunocompromised / medically vulnerable safe. i am fucking fighting for my life. it’s already hard that i am usually one of two people in #any given room still wearing a mask let alone an n95 mask. hard and bad enough that we get looks for wearing masks and people think im crazy #for my life still being on hold and for my family still basically never going anywhere. ITS FUCKING WORSE that we are still very much in the #throes of all of it and we are in constant physical and quite frankly EXISTENTIAL danger not only of getting sick / becoming (more) #disabled / literally fucking dying but also returning to the absolute hell of lockdown which while important was psychologically damaging in #ways that are difficult to even articulate. like not only have we as a society decided to not give a shit about unpacking all of that and #healing from the trauma and assuming everyone went through the same thing when we very much did not and to just send everybody back to #school and work because 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑capitalism🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 but we have ALSO decided to pretend like the freakish unceasing danger just doesn’t exist #anymore and to get rid of every tool we had available to keep us safe or at minimum make people have to pay exorbitant amounts of money to #access them because 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑capitalism🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 !!!!!!! im TIRED. im so fucking tired of it. i am so fucking exhausted and angry and scared. and i #HAVE the luxury and privilege of being able to afford n95 masks and covid tests and to be able to work a job that i can do remotely if i #need to and to not be disabled or immunocompromised. what makes me fucking furious is we decided to throw all the people who don’t have #that access or privilege under the fucking bus and forget about them lol. but what do you expect from a country rotten to its core the way #it is lol. im fucking despondent. why are we living in an incinerator. #* the lockdown(s) werent just important they were necessary. and arguably we should have another one even though if we do i genuinely fear #for my mental health both during and afterwards and quite frankly before. im tired. i am grateful for the life i live which has resulted in #part from the different things that have happened because of the pandemic but i also so desperately wish this never happened and every day I #think about what life would be like if it hadn’t happened. the grief of it all is unspeakably big.