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a-froger-epic · 3 years

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The Queen fandom, Freddie Mercury and Characterisation

Or: Why are those anons like this? Why are those writers like this? Why don't we understand each other?

In this essay, I will-

No, I’m serious, I will. And this is an essay. It’s roughly 2500 words.

The friction, concerns and hurt in fandom around Freddie’s characterisation - most recently centred around a fic the author tagged as ‘Bisexual Freddie Mercury’, stating in the notes that they have chosen to write Freddie as bisexual - have given me a lot to think about. And if you have been asking yourself the questions above, this here might be of interest to you.

First off, why do I feel like I need to talk about this?

The answer is not: Because I’m so very influential in fandom.

I think my influence in this fandom has been vastly overstated by some people. If I were so influential, everybody would rush to read anything I rec or write. And trust me, they really don’t. My relevance is confined to a very specific part of the fandom. That part is made up of: Freddie fans, Froger shippers, some Roger fans, a handful of writers who like to support each other and like each other’s work, and people who are really into research.

There are many parts of fandom where my opinions are entirely irrelevant. Looking at the big picture, by which I mean only the Queen RPF fandom, I simply am not that important. Looking at the even bigger picture: the Queen fandom as a whole, the majority of which doesn't read or care about RPF - I am literally nobody.

Furthermore, everything I will be talking about here is in relation to the RPF-centred part of Queen fandom.

So why this public essay?

Because I have been deeply involved for two years in a divide of opinions concerning how Freddie ought to be written and how people think of RPF. I think this is in large part because I - like several other authors currently writing for the fandom - absolutely love research. It's my idea or fun. I love to dig into these real people’s lives. Not everybody does that and not everybody is comfortable with that. It’s a personal choice depending on people's levels of comfort surrounding RPF. But this does put me firmly in the camp of Freddie fans who like to explore who this man really was, and track down every last fact about him.

Freddie Mercury vs. Fictional Freddie

I’ll admit that I am one of those people who have the urge to speak up when they see somebody claim that Freddie was bisexual, and sometimes I will say: “Well, actually, we do know that he didn’t see himself that way, because…” For me, these have often been positive exchanges.

I think there is overwhelming evidence that Freddie Mercury identified as gay from his split with Mary to the end of his life (wonderfully curated here by RushingHeadlong). In the niche of fandom I have frequented over the last two years, as far as Freddie the real man is concerned, I have barely ever seen anybody argue with this.

But fanfiction and talking about real Freddie are not one the same thing, and they shouldn't be, and as far as I am concerned they don't have to be. Some writers like to put every last fact and detail they can find into their fic, in an attempt to approach a characterisation that feels authentic to them (and perhaps others), and other writers are simply content to draw inspiration from the real people, writing versions vaguely based on them.

But writing historically and factually accurate RPF is more respectful.

Is it? I've thought about this for a long time, and I really can't agree that it is. This, to me, seems to presume that we know what kind of fiction these real people would prefer to have been written about them. That, in itself, is impossible to know.

However, if I imagine Freddie reading RPF about himself, I think that he might laugh himself silly at an AU with a character merely inspired by him and may be really quite disturbed by a gritty, realistic take full of intimate details of and speculations about his life and psyche. Such as I also tend to write, just by the by, so this is definitely not a criticism of anybody. Freddie is dead. Of all the people to whom the way he is written in fiction matters, Freddie himself is not one. There is no way to know what Freddie would or wouldn't have wanted, in this regard, and so it isn't relevant.

Personally, I can't get behind the idea that speculating and creatively exploring very intimate details of Freddie's life, things he never even spoke of to anybody, is in any way more respectful than writing versions of him which take a lot of creative liberties. As I've said so many times before, I think either all of RPF is disrespectful or none of it is.

So who cares about Freddie characterisation in fiction anyway?

Clearly, a lot of people do. Freddie Mercury was an incredibly inspiring figure and continues to be that to a multitude of very different people for different reasons. There are older fans who have maybe faced the same kind of discrimination because of their sexuality, who saw Freddie's life and persona distorted and attacked by other fans and the media for decades, who have a lot of hurt and resentment connected to such things as calling Freddie bisexual - because this has been used (and in the wider fandom still is used) to discredit his relationship with Jim, to argue that Mary was the love of his life and none of his same sex relationships mattered, to paint a picture where "the gay lifestyle" was the death of him. And that is homophobic. That is not right. I completely understand that upset.

But.

These are not the only people who care about Freddie and for whom Freddie is a source of inspiration and comfort. What about people who simply connect to his struggles with his sexuality from a different angle? What about, for example, somebody who identifies with the Freddie who seemed to be reluctant to label himself, because that, to them, implies a freedom and sexual fluidity that helps them cope with how they see their own sexuality? Is it relevant why Freddie was cagey about labelling himself? Does it matter that it likely had a lot to do with discrimination? Are his reasons important? To some degree, yes. But are other queer people not allowed to see that which helps them in him? Are they not allowed to take empowerment and inspiration from this? Can you imagine Freddie himself ever resenting somebody who, for whatever reason, admired him and whose life he made that little bit brighter through his mere existence, however they interpreted it? I honestly can't say that I can imagine Freddie himself objecting to that.

This is the thing about fame. Anyone who is famous creates a public persona, and this persona belongs to the fans. By choosing that path, this person gives a lot of themselves to their fans. To interpret, to draw inspiration from, to love the way it makes sense to the individual. Please remember, at this point, that we are talking about how people engage with Freddie as a fictional character creatively. This is not about anybody trying to lay down the law regarding who Freddie really was, unequivocally. This is all about writers using his inspiring persona and the imprint he left on this world to explore themes that resonate with them.

This is what we as writers do. We write about things which resonate with us and often touch us deeply.

But don't they care about the real Freddie?

Yes, actually, I would argue that a lot of people care about "the real Freddie". It seems to me that depicting Freddie as gay or with a strong preference for men is what the vast majority of the RPF-centered fandom on AO3 already does. You will find very, very few stories where Freddie is depicted having a good time with women sexually or romantically. That he was mostly all about men is already the majority opinion in this part of fandom.

But another question is, who was the real Freddie? If the last two years in fandom have taught me anything, it is that even things which seem like fact to one person can seem like speculation to another. I have personally had so many discussions with so many people on different sides of the debate about the exact circumstances of Freddie's life and his inner world, that I must say I don't think there is such a thing as one accurate, "real" portrayal of Freddie. Even those of us who are heavily invested in research sometimes disagree quite significantly about the interpretations of sources. So that narrows "You don't care about the real Freddie" down to "You don't care about Freddie because you don't interpret everything we know about his life the exact same way I do". Sure, by that definition, very few people care about Freddie the same way you do.

The bottom line is, there are so many writers and fans who love him, people who are obsessed with him, people who care about him deeply. They might care about who they believe he really was or who he chose to present himself as to the world, the way he wanted to be seen. But ultimately, in my personal opinion, if somebody is inspired to write Freddie as a fictional character they feel that Freddie means a lot to them. And it is hurtful to accuse them of not caring.

But what some people write hurts/triggers me.

Yes, that can happen. Because the nature of AO3 is that everything is permitted. Personally, I am very much in agreement with that. You will also find me in the camp of people who are against any sort of censorship on AO3, no matter how much some of the content goes against my own morals or how distasteful I find it. Some people disagree with that, which is fine. We must agree to disagree then. Here, I would like to quote QuirkySubject from the post she made regarding this whole situation because I cannot put it better myself: “The principle that all fic is valid (even RPF fic that subverts the lived experience of the person the fic is based on) is like the foundation of [AO3]. The suggestion that certain kinds of characterisations aren't allowed will provoke a knee-jerk reaction by many writers.”

No matter how much you may disagree with a story's plot or characterisation, it is allowed on AO3. "But wait," you might say, "the issue is not with it being on the site but with people like yourself - who should care about "the real Freddie" - supporting it."

This is some of what I have taken away from the upset I have seen. And it’s worth deconstructing.

I've already addressed "the real Freddie". Moving on to...

The author is dead.

This is something others might very well disagree on as well, but to me the story itself matters far more than authorial intent. And what may be one thing according to the author’s personal definition, may be another thing to the reader. Let’s use an example. This is an ask I received yesterday:

This author thinks they were writing Freddie as bisexual. However, going by the plot of their story, I would actually say that it is largely very similar to how I see the progression of Freddie’s young adulthood. To me, personally, Freddie would still be gay throughout the story because he arrives - eventually - at the conclusion that he is. The author and I disagree on terminology only. And I think simply disagreements about terminology, given that some terms are so loaded with history in Freddie’s case, trips a lot of people up.

It seems to me that many people still equate bisexuality with a 50/50 attraction to men and women, when in actual fact many - if not most - bi/pan people would say that it is nowhere near that distribution. Some people are of the opinion that anybody who experiences some attraction to the opposite sex, even if they have a strong same-sex preference, could be technically considered bisexual. (However, sexuality isn’t objective, it’s subjective. At least when it comes to real people. What about fictionalised real people? We will get to that.)

Let's briefly return to real Freddie.

What I'm seeing is that there are several ways of thinking here, with regard to his sexuality.

1. Freddie was gay because that seems to be (from everything we know) the conclusion he arrived at and the way he saw himself, once he had stopped dating women. Therefor, he was always gay, it just took him a while to come to terms with it.

2. Freddie can be referred to as bisexual during the time when he was with women because at that time, he may very well have thought of himself thusly - whether that was wishful thinking and he was aware of it or whether he really thought he might be bisexual is not something we can say definitively. He came out as gay to two friends in 1974 on separate occassions, and he talked to his girlfriends about being bisexual. (Personally, I think here it is interesting to look at who exactly he was saying what to, but let's put my own interpretations aside.)

3. Freddie can be seen as bisexual/pansexual because his life indicates that he was able to be in relationships with both men and women and because there is nothing to disprove he didn't experience any attraction to the women he was with. Had he lived in a different time, he may have defined himself differently.

Now, I'm of the first school of thought here, personally, although I understand the second and also, as a thought experiment, the third.

I think all of these approaches have validity, although the historical context of Freddie's life should be kept in mind and is very relevant whenever we speak about the man himself.

But when we return to writing fictionalised versions of Freddie, any of these approaches should absolutely be permissible. Yes, some of them or aspects of them can cause upset to some people.

And this is why AO3 has a tagging system. This is why authors write very clearly worded author's notes. This is the respect authors extend to their readers. This, in turn, has to be respected. Everybody is ultimately responsible for their own experience on the archive.

Nobody has the right to dictate what is or isn't published under the Queen tag. As far as I am concerned, nobody should have that right. As far as I am concerned, everybody has a responsibility to avoid whatever may upset them. I understand where the upset comes from. I also maintain it is every writer's right to engage with Freddie's character creatively the way they choose to.

None of us can control how other people engage with Freddie or the fandom. None of us can control what other people enjoy or dislike about the fandom.

The best way to engage with the content creating part of fandom, in my opinion, has always been to create what brings you joy, to consume the content that brings you joy and to respectfully step away from everything that doesn't.

#Queen fandom #Freddie Mercury #bi Freddie

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things-we-used-tc-share · 4 years

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I Found

“I’ll use you as a warning sign,

That if you talk enough sense then you’ll lose your mind,

And I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be,

Right in front of me,

Talk some sense to me,”

-Amber Run, I Found

Written for the “Song Prompt” Event on my Discord server.

Warnings: Mentions of ableism (Autism-orientated)

Ship: Remile

Plot: Remy finds life too repetitive, but a thunder storm and a pretty boy might be the change he’s looking for. (Autistic!Emile)

Remy stares up at the sky like it’ll offer something new, something different today. It never does, but one can only dream and hope and pray for something new. His eyes avert and he continues walking o work, his satchel banging against his thigh incessantly; he’s used to this and pays it no mind at all. As he pushes open the café door, the pink-haired barista grins at him “Morning Remy!” Remy smiles, it’s not so bad of a routine.

“Morning Emile,” The two exchange a small smile, and Remy goes into the back to put his bag down, grab his apron and start with his long day.

The day goes by as slow as it always does. The sun sets in the cold winter night, the rain dashes lightly against dark windows and the water on the streets is illuminated by ghostly white streetlights. Remy leans against the counter after serving his last customer and then sighs heavily. Surely, he thinks, there is more to life than this? Because this is simply no fun at all. A stressed hand cards through his mussed curls, there’s a little bit of sugar that lands on his hand from his hair, it’s something he’s done so many times before that it’s stopped being amusing.

“Hey Emile?” He calls over his shoulder “Will you sort out the register, I’m going to start clearing the tables?” The smaller man, whose hair is still the brightest pink he’s ever seen (Remy thinks he probably dyes it regularly, which is possibly terriblefor his hair), nods enthusiastically and moves to clear out the cash register. He always looks too chipper, and that’s all right, one of them has to be for their job.

Remy picks up the cloth and locks the door once he’s checked every one has left, slipping the sign to ‘closed’ before he starts to wipe down the tables. He follows his repetitive movements dazedly; barely present as he does so, he does this almost every day too, wiping down tables and mopping floors and serving cups of coffee. He’s not miserable, simply…tiredof repetition. The sound of thunder outside startles him a little, his eyes going outside to see the rain has truly started to hammer it down. Remy makes a noise of discomfort, or maybe it’s disgust or inconvenience, or maybe all at once, either way he stares as the water bounces off the floor in full force. “Wonderful weather for the ducks don’t you think?” Emile quips with a light chuckle, the cash register shutting.

“I don’t think even the ducks will brave that,” Remy pushes his glasses up his nose, stylish hipster-esque frames that had cost way more than his pay check allows. Emile laughs in response and it’s a nice sound, something different in Remy’s monotonous life. He even dares to smile a little back. “I think I’d rather sleep in here than step a foot out there,” He snorts, pulling his phone out of his back pocket to check the weather report “It should calm down in about half an hour so there’s that,”

“Every time I go near water after I’ve just dyed my hair it runs, and although I’ve not tested it on cold water I really don’t want to look like a murder victim, so I daren’t try it,” Remy wonders why they hadn’t spoken more before, they have most of their shifts together, he thinks Emile might be a student too but it’s a little difficult to remember if he’d ever asked. So he asks.

“Are you a student too?” And Emile smiles wonderfully, excitedly even, the sort of smile people get when they’re offered a question they love answering, or get to talk about something they adore.

“Yep! I’m currently doing my undergraduate in Psychology,” It’s hard to imagine this man as a serious mental health professional. He’s wearing a shirt under his apron that has little Jigglypuff’s pasted over and over again in diagonal patterns, and a charm bracelet that has a little pink pearl. “I really enjoy it, Human minds are…so fascinating and complex yet so easily damaged, I’m currently writing my dissertation on Anxiety disorders and their severities and why there is currently and increase and…sorry I’m rambling,” His cheeks flush as pink as his hair, or at least close to that.

Remy’s heart stammers in his chest. “No it’s fine,” He manages out; throat feeling suddenly tootight as do his lungs, in fact all rational thought seems vaguely distant now. He never wants this man to stop talking, why hadn’t he spoken to him beforeis an even more pressing matter? “Tell me all about it,” And suddenly work is something for someone else and his life belongs to someone else as he leans against the table.

Emile beams as though he doesn’t get told that often, this is heart breaking in its own right. “Well, I was diagnosed with Autism when I was super young and then as I got older I was diagnosed with Anxiety, which most stemmed from developmental issues influenced by how other people treated my Autism,” Remy nods “And it’s always super effected me, you know? People always either treated me like glass or ignored my existence or just were plain awful to me over it, and no matter how hard I tried sometime sit felt like they were speaking a different language to me, so I grew up isolated,” Remy’s eyes softened, but not out of pity, he thinks his only other emotion would be anger because why would people treat other people like that? He can’t understand it. “When I first started learning psychology it was because I wanted to help myself but now I just don’t want other people to feel like me, like I did for so long,”

“That’s admirable,” Remy says softly “I’m sorry people treated you like that, that’s…shit that sucks man,” Emile laughs a little, glad he’s not getting a pity speech “I could totally kick their asses for you,” He folds the cloth neatly in his hand, Emile’s eyes follow the movement briefly.

“I’d rather you didn’t,” He smiles though “What made you chose that colour?” He gestures to Remy’s nails, the paint is a little chipped but it’s clearly black and sparkly. “You wear a lot of black, sometimes people in psychology say people who don’t wear colour often see themselves as lacking it, but I just think people think black is a nice colour, and it is,”

“Just suits my aesthetic,” Remy shrugs “Although you might be onto something,” He leans up off the counter to put the cloth away. There’s some moments of silence and Remy can feel Emile’s eyes watching him carefully, like a birdwatcher sat so still so they can study a rare species of some sorts. “I feel like you have a question you want to ask?” The dark-eyed man speaks quietly, but his voice comes out at a much higher pitch to that which he had planned to speak. His cheeks flush a little, and he looks up at Emile, who looks like a deer caught in the headlights. “Go on,”

“Are you gay?” Emile blurts out and then clasps his hand over his mouth “Oh gosh that was totally meant to stay in my head, that is not how I planned to ask you out at all,” He rubs his hand against his forehead in a little stress, Remy smiles in amusement as he begins to ramble “I was going to play it cool and just you know, drop a casual hint and then see if you take it, or ask you if you want coffee or something or,” Remy places his hand lightly on Emile’s wrist, Emile trails off and blinks.

“I’m gay, and yes,”

“Yes?”

“I’ll get coffee with you,” His eyes go to the outside, where the rain is still hammering “in fact, there’s no time like the present,” He taps the coffee machine, which is still not turned off, then takes a cup for himself, and one for Emile off of the side “May I take your order?” `Emile smiles at him, biting his lip shyly.

“Are you on the menu?” He flirts lightly, Remy’s heart stutters a little and his cheeks feel so warm and honestly, he cannotstop smiling. This was the something different he’d been praying for, it’s a little funny how change can come from something right in front of you, that had been in front of you for months. Almost a year, in fact.

“Maybe later,” Remy winks, fighting down a part of his that is so flustered and blushing and squealing like a teenager. It feels strange, to have known Emile for so long and not even realised or noticed that he was interested in him. Remy hadn’t quite noticed Emile at all, now he thinks that was a dumb thing to do because he sounds like a dream and looks so pretty and he’s really, really nice. Nice men aren’t something so common in Remy’s life at all.

“In the meantime I suppose I’ll have a caramel latte, with cream,” Remy sets about preparing the order “I feel like you might have questions and that’s okay you know, you’re allowed to ask me about my Autism,” Emile continues, leaning against the counter “You have my explicit permission to do so,”

Remy thinks about this for a moment, he knows very little about Autism, but it also doesn’t feel far to treat Emile like a research book “What do you need me to avoid?” He finally settles on, placing the warm cup next to Emile, as the barista hops up on the counter.

“Oh,” he sounds surprised “Well I don’t like sudden loud noises, I’m learning to cope with sensory overload because of…well because of my job,” That hardly sounds fair, Remy narrates internalising, that Emile has to force himself to cope with these things and can’t have his own way to do so. “But in general I pretty much always have headphones,” He shrugs a little “Sometimes I don’t like being touched but I can tell you when that is, if you really want to…you know, hang out more?”

“Okay,” Remy nods “Is there anything you need me to know?” Emile makes a small noise of disbelief.

“You’re strange,” He comments “Most people don’t ask questions like this,”

“What sort of questions do people usually ask?” He honestly isn’t sure of the answer.

“Usually much more invasive ones,” Emile admits with an uncomfortable and…sadlook “Or they treat me like a child,” Remy feels like he’s missing out on a lot of information on how autistic people are treated in the world. He’d always assumed things to be more progressive, but if the look on this man’s face is anything to go off, it most certainly hadn’t. “Sometimes they ask things like ‘is it okay for you to be outside alone?’ or ‘If you’re autistic how come you work?’ or ‘How come you don’t look or sound autistic?’ my favourite so far is ‘Do autistic people have sex, isn’t that kind of…weird?’” he kicks his leg a little, letting the heels tap back against the wood a few times.

Remy blinks a few times “I’m sorry Emile, I don’t really know what to say but…I’m so sorry people treat you like that, that’s a fucking nightmare, you have way more patience than I do,” Emile smiles, looking up at Remy with a small smile.

“I have to be patient, or else people use it against me because of my Autism, or people use it against other people with Autism, we’re not allowed to be angry or have meltdowns or we’re branded as dangerous,” He sips his cup of coffee “Ever noticed how a lot of school shooters are ‘hypothesised to be Autistic?’” Remy’s blood runs cold in his veins. “You look horrified,”

“I don’t really keep up with the news, or really anything except walking to work, doing work, eating and going to bed, always figured the world would sort itself out or it’d die in the process,” Maybe this is also the change he’s looking for “I should do some more research,” he thinks aloud, staring at the surface of his coffee cup, in the process he completely misses the way Emile’s face lights up. “Would you like to keep talking about this, or something else?”

“Well I would, but not right now, I’m too tired to be this sad,” Emile looks up at Remy with a small and less melancholy smile. He feels happy despite the conversation, to finally have met someone who cares enough to listen and ask. “Let’s talk about something else,”

And they do talk. They talk way past the time that the rain slows, they talk way past the calming of the thunderstorm which had been why they talked in the first place. They talk until Emile is leaning tiredly against Remy, and Remy is feeling his heartbeat thunder in his chest louder than any storm, and more forceful at that.

Remy calls Emile a cab, worried that he’s practically falling asleep standing. He gives him his number though, although he’ll see him tomorrow evening for the two hour shift they have like clockwork every Thursday. They’re both working much more than they legally should. Emile kisses his cheek and says he’ll see Remy tomorrow.

Remy says he can’t wait.

For the first time in a long time he feels like he has a sense of purpose, a sense of will and of need. Life doesn’t feel like a dull rhythm as he walks home with a smile on his face and a little skip in his step. Yes,he decides, it is strange what just looking a little closer can do to your life.

Like my work? Consider buying me a virtual coffee!

Taglist:

@analogical-mess // @unikornavenger // @mycatshuman // @creativity-killed-thekitten// @theresneverenoughfandoms // @charmingprincey // @heck-im-lost// @k9cat // @stilljittery // @romansleftshoulderpad // @sanderssideslibrary // @max-is-tired // @trashypansexual // @demigodnamedathena // @sevencrashing // @jemthebookworm // @sandersandthesides // @penguinkool // @georganabanana // @ao-koshka // @dangerous-doodle // @hell-or-high-waters // @no-sleep-gang-posts // @marshmallow-the-panda // @flix-net // @omni-hamiltrash // @an-absolute-failure // @mason-does-a-thing // @iceoblivious // @fandermom //

–

#Remile #ts sides #ts shorts #emile picani #Remy Sanders

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alexsfictionaddiction · 4 years

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Alex Recommends: May and June Books

I must apologise for the late arrival of this post. It should have been up days ago but I’ve been struggling to read much for the last month or so. My head has been very foggy and dark with all of the confusion, anxiety and hate that has been filling my news feeds and I’ve been filled with a desire to combat it. Before this month, I’d have run in the opposite direction from any kind of confrontation but recent events have given me the kick up the butt to actively do better. I’ve been calling out bigotry when I come across it and I’ve noticed that some people, notably my older relatives, haven’t necessarily reacted favorably to the changed, more outspoken Alex. It has been pretty daunting and I’ve worked myself up into fits of rage and tears several times over the last couple of months.

A lot of things have changed for me since my last Alex Recommends post. I’m currently temporarily living in Staffordshire with my boyfriend because my depression got too bad for me to stay at home for much longer. I missed him unbelievably much and I knew that spending some prolonged time with him would help -and it has. Both him and I have spent 12 weeks religiously following all of the rules, so we’re both extremely low-risk for catching and spreading COVID-19 and being together was something that we simply really needed to do. Please don’t hate me for it! In other news, I have also started writing again, which feels amazing. I’m now a few thousand words into a queer Rapunzel retelling that I have lots of ideas for. Maybe I’ll even post an extract or two, when I feel it’s ready to show you.

In the centre of the renewed energy of Black Lives Matter and the undeniable exposure of the horrors that is police brutality, the book blogging and BookTube worlds vowed to uplift Black voices. I wrote a very long, in-depth blog post full of Black-written books and Black book influencers. Please check it out to diversify your TBR and educate yourself on Black issues, which is what every white person should be doing now and always.

June was Pride Month and I tried my best to compile a series of recommendation posts in honour of it. These included gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, non-binary, ace, pansexual and intersex lists. I’ve had some great feedback on this, so I hope you find some fantastic new reads. It felt especially poignant to put them together the same year that one of my childhood heroes came out as an ignorant trans-exclusive feminist. As a lifelong Harry Potter superfan and someone who has repeatedly publicly supported Rowling in the past, I feel the need to clarify where I now stand. I do not support or agree with a single thing that she has said in recent times with regard to transgender people. I’ve never felt my own status as a cisgender female threatened by trans people wanting more rights or believed that children or women were at risk due to their existence.

I read her words more than once and struggled to find any semblance of the woman who wrote the books that have most defined my life. I’m hesitant to say that we can always successfully separate the art from the artist but I will say that it makes sense to me that the Rowling of 2020 is not the same Rowling that wrote Harry Potter. She was a destitute single mother when Philosopher’s Stone was published in 1997 and of course, she is now a million worlds away from that lifestyle. It breaks my heart but it makes sense to me that she has changed beyond belief because her life has changed beyond belief. I’m not and never would make any excuses for her recent behaviour and I have stopped supporting her personally but I will not be getting rid of my Harry Potter books and I will undoubtedly re-read them several more times. However, I am now hugely reluctant to buy any more merchandise or special editions of the books, which saddens me but at the moment, it feels right. There is no coming back for her from this and I will make a conscious effort to keep Harry Potter and Rowling away from my future content. It can be really tough to admit that the people you once really admired aren’t great humans but it’s something that we all have to acknowledge in this case, in order to move forward with our own quests to become our best selves.

It didn’t feel right to post my May recommendations last month as I didn’t feel comfortable promoting my own content in the midst of boosting Black voices. So today I’m bringing you a bumper edition of Alex Recommends. Here are 10 books that I’ve enjoyed since the start of May that I’d love to share with you. Enjoy! -Love, Alex x

FICTION: Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

Set in the affluent neighbourhood of Shaker Heights, Ohio in the 1990s, two families are brought together and pulled apart by the most intense, devastating circumstances. Dealing with issues of race, class, coming-of-age, motherhood and the dangers of perfection, Little Fires Everywhere is highly addictive and effecting. With characters who are so heartbreakingly real and a story that weaves its way to your very core, I couldn’t put it down and I’m still thinking about it over a month after finishing it.

FICTION: Get A Life, Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert

When coding nerd Chloe Brown almost dies, she makes a list of goals and vows to finally Get A Life. So she enlists tattooed redhead handyman and biker Red to teach her how. Cute, funny and ultimately life-affirming, this enemies-to-lovers rom-com was exactly the brand of light relief that I needed this month. The follow-up Take A Hint, Dani Brown focuses on a fake-dating situation with Chloe’s over-achieving academic sister and I can’t wait to get my hands on that.

FICTION: The Rearranged Life of Oona Lockhart by Margarita Montimore

Just before her 19th birthday at midnight on New Year’s Eve 1983, Oona Lockhart finds herself inexplicably in 2015 inside her 51-year-old body. She soon learns that every year on New Year’s Day, she will now find herself inside a random year of her life and she has no control over it. Seeing her through relationships, friendships and extreme wealth, this strange novel has echoes of Back To The Future and 13 Going On 30 with a final revelation that I certainly never saw coming.

NON-FICTION: The Five by Hallie Rubenhold

Atmospheric and engaging, The Five details the previously untold stories of Polly, Annie, Elisabeth, Kate and Mary-Jane -the women who lost their lives at the hands of Jack the Ripper. Full of fascinating research and heartbreaking accounts of what these women’s lives may have been like, Rubenhold paints a dark immersive portrait of Victorian London and gives voice to these tragic silenced lives. Although we can’t know for certain if these accounts are entirely accurate, they feel very plausible and in some ways, The Five exposes how little time has moved on, when it comes to the public portrayal of single, troubled women.

NON-FICTION: Unicorn by Amrou Al-Kadhi

From a childhood crush on Macaulay Culkin to how a teenage obsession with marine biology helped them realise their non-binary identity, Unicorn tells the story of how the obsessive perfectionist son of a strict Muslim Iraqi family became the gorgeous drag queen Glamrou. Packed full of humour, honesty and heart, this book will give you the strength and inspiration to harness what you were born with and be who you were always meant to be.

MIDDLE-GRADE: The Super Miraculous Journey of Freddie Yates by Jenny Pearson

When fact-obsessed Freddie’s grandmother dies, he discovers that the father he has never met may actually be alive and living in Wales. So he has no choice but to grab his best friends Ben and Charlie, leave his home in Andover and go to find his dad! I laughed so many times during this madcap adventure and I know the slapstick crazy humour will hit the middle-grade target audience just right. It’s also a wonderful depiction of small town Britain with a focus on the true meaning of family.

MIDDLE-GRADE: A Kind Of Spark by Elle McNicoll

When Addie learns about her hometown’s history of witch trials, she campaigns tirelessly to get a memorial for the women who lost their lives through it. This wonderfully beautiful novel gives a unique insight into the mind of an 11-year-old autistic girl with a huge heart. Busting myths about neurodiversity while tackling typical pre-teen drama, you’ll laugh, you’ll cry but most of all, you’ll close the book with a huge smile on your face.

HISTORICAL FICTION: Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell

In 16th century Warwickshire, Agnes is a woman with a unique gift whose relationship with a young Latin tutor produces three children and a legacy that lasts for centuries. This enchanting, all-consuming account of the tragic story of Shakespeare’s lost son, the effects that rippled through the family and the play that was born from their pain will send a bullet straight through your heart. Wonderfully researched and beautifully written, Hamnet is worth all of the hype.

HISTORICAL FICTION: The Mercies by Kiran Millwood Hargrave

When a vicious storm kills most of the men of Vardø, Norway, it’s up to the women to keep things going but a man with a murderous past is about to come down with an iron fist. At the heart of this dark tale of witch trials, grief and feminism, two women find something they’ve each been searching for within each other. Gorgeously written with a fantastically slow-burning queer romance, Kiran Millwood Hargrave’s first adult novel is an addictive, atmospheric read with a poignant, tearjerker of an ending.

SCI-FI: Q by Christina Dalcher

When one of Elena’s daughters manages to drop below the country’s desired Q number, she is sent away to one of the new state schools and Elena is about to find out something she’d really rather not know about the new system. Packed full of real social commentary and critique of life as we know it while painting a picture of how things could be even worse (yes, really!), this pulse-racing, horrifying sci-fi dystopian gripped me from the first page and refused to let me go.

#book recommendations #recommended #recommendations #may #june #books #bookworm

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serendipityswift · 5 years

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first impressions of lover

ok i’m going to write down my first impressions to each of the songs; mostly for my own good and to get some of these feelings out

i forgot that you existed: bop! girl is over everything that’s happened to her. it truly feels like her moving on from reputation. she’s still singing about what she sang about in rep, but it just feels lighter? she’s no longer hurting, she truly can’t give a shit about people who fucked her over anymore.

fav lyric: in my feelings more than drake, so yeah

cruel summer: single material if i’ve ever heard one! i swear to god if this is another getaway car situation omg... i fucking love this song so fucking much. like, it doesn’t sound sad, but once you hear the lyrics, damn it hurts. she still thinks she’s bad news, like her loving someone will only hurt that person... yeah, ouch. i think sometimes we forget how hard it must’ve been for her to get together with joe, to allow herself to open up again, but this song really shows it. definitely teared up knowing, even just half, of the situation she was in.

fav lyric: i don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you / devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes

lover: one of my immediate favs on the album. for obvious reasons. my first impression was literally just sobbing lmfao, and being happier for her than i’ve ever really been for myself.

fav lyric: with every guitar string scar on my hand i take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover

the man: this was one of the song i was most excited for! and she absolutely did not disappoint. like, honestly, looking at her career and the way the media and people perceive her... just imagine if she was a man. look at how fucking successful she is, and the hate she gets, just imagine if she was a man? and it’s things every woman fears, it’s thoughts we all have. the lyrics are so smart and powerful and so, incredibly, true - even if society refuses to admit it. it’s like blank space, but even more mature and just so, insanely smart. also, her use of ‘bitch’ in this song? absolute genius.

fav lyric: i’m so sick of running as fast as i can, wondering if i’d get there quicker if i was a man / if i was flashing out my dollars, i’d be a bitch not a baller

the archer: immediately one of my favourite songs she’s ever put out, and still one of my favourites on this album. i’ve never related to a song so much before tbh, like, it may not seem like her saddest song ever, but when it describes everything you’ve been feeling for the last 4 years... it hurts more than any breakup song. the buildup and structure of this song is incredible, and i can’t stress how important it is to me enough. i want to cry every single time i listen to this song sigh, but i’m so grateful to finally have it into words.

fav lyric: who could ever leave me darling, but who could stay? / all my heroes die all alone, help me hold onto you / they see right through me, can you see right through me? / all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put me together again / all of my enemies started out friends / cruelty wins in the movies, i’ve got a hundred thrown out speeches i almost said to you

i think he knows: what a fucking bop omg. the sexual innuendos? yes. combined with the innocence? incredible. a little tongue and cheek, makes me smile and bop along to it. the lust and attraction and just all the cute feelings towards someone that we all know.

fav lyric: lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh, we can follow the sparks, i’ll drive

miss americana and the heartbreak prince: ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SONGS ON THE ALBUM, ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SONGS OF ALL TIME. i sobbed my eyes out listening to it, sobbing listening to it again. it describes the fear we all felt in 2016, even someone living hours and hours and hours away in nz. the fear we felt for the world and those around us, the anger and fear we still feel every single day. it’s the pain we don’t know how to vocalise, scared we’ll say something wrong and literally get hurt. she’s so brave, this song is so brave. this song is metaphorically, lyrically and sonically incredible. it’s just insane.

fav lyric: the whole school is rolling fake dice, you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes / i’m feeling helpless, the damsels are depressed. boys will be boys then, where are the wise men?

paper rings: what. a. fucking. bop. i can’t stop smiling and singing along even though idk the lyrics yet. also, all the references to old songs? and lowkey get fearless vibes but idk if i’m just too tired from it being almost 1am. i adore every single thing about this song. it’s realising you feel more for someone than you thought you did, then realising they’re the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. it’s literally everything. also, the stalking on the internet line? as relatable as any deepcut lyric she’s ever written.

fav lyric: i like shiny things, but i’ll marry you with paper rings / i’m with you even if it makes me blue

cornelia street: i already knew this was coming, but this is 500% one of my favourite fucking songs of all time. sobbed my eyes out. still crying listening to this again for the second time. the references to other songs, the story of us? god. it describes everything you fucking feel when you just feel so damn much for a person. loving someone so much that a city becomes them, the city that she first arrived in single and represented her freedom. it now is him. when you love someone so fucking much that you know if, just if, they leave you; you’ll be broken forever. and it isn’t like every other time, it’s harder and they hold more of you than you ever thought someone could. it’s running because you’re so scared they’ll leave and you’ll lose everything, then coming back because you trust them enough to think that they’ll stay. but you’re still so fucking scared because they truly have all of you.

fav lyric: i hope i never lose you, hope it never ends, i’d never work cornelia street again / sacred new beginnings that became my religion, listen

death by a thousand cuts: i was mesmerised by this song. it’s a ‘happy’ sounding sad song. which i love. the juxtaposition of it all. also the entire second verse is literally one of my favourite things i’ve ever heard so tbh that entire verse is my favourite lyric. also, i kind of want someone to sing this as a sad ballad and see what it’s like ahahha

fav lyric: my heart, my hips, my body, my love, trying to find a part of me that you didn't touch / our country, guess it was a lawless land / why are my fears at the touch of your hands? / paper cut stains from my paper-thin plans / my time, my wine, my spirit, my trust, trying to find a part of me you didn't take up / gave you so much, but it wasn't enough / i'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts

london boy: ALL THE LONDON AND ENGLISH REFERENCES I CAN’T. as someone that lives in nz, the language she uses is so fucking funny and cute i can’t. also i keep thinking how ed taught her some of these things ahahha. and the nod to p!atd with “don’t threaten me with a good time” is so amazing. her reference to rugby? i’m taking all this luck by taylor and sending it to the all blacks thanks

fav lyric: doesn't have to be louis v up on bond street just wanna be with you

soon you’ll get better: i already knew what this song was going to be about, but that didn’t stop my heart from literally shattering into a million pieces. andrea is so important to each of us, i cherish the day i met her and held her hand like no other, just imagine what she means to taylor. she was there when taylor had no one, when she felt so alone. andrea is so special, and it is just so fucking unfair that she needs to go through this. i hope, pray, anything that andrea can get better soon, make a full recovery. and i hope her entire family is okay. they’re all so loved, so incredibly loved. but, cancer, i just wish i knew how to beat it and can take all this pain away. i can’t even listen to it a second time right now because i’m too much of a wreck. that’s how much it hurts. i love taylor for sharing this with us. i love that taylor loves us enough to share this with us.

fav lyric: but who am i supposed to talk to? what am i supposed to do if there is no you? / i’ll paint the kitchen neon, i’ll brighten up the sky, i know i’ll never get it, there’s not a day i don’t try

false god: this is one of my favourite songs. it’s so perfectly simple. it’s exactly what this album needs. the religious references throughout this album is incredible, and the idea that their love itself is a greater force is so beautiful and incredible. it’s knowing that even though their love isn’t perfect, it’s what they choose.

fav lyric: and i can't talk to you when you're like this, staring out the window like i’m not your favorite town. i'm new york city. i'd still do it for you, babe / and you can't talk to me when I'm like this, daring you to leave me just so i can try and scare you. you’re the west village. you still do it for me, babe

you need to calm down: this beat cannot get unstuck from my head once it’s in there. and the music video is one of my favourites of all time, the amount of gay power? legendary. it’s not just about the lgbtq+ community though, it’s about everyone and acceptance and not caring about the shitty views around us, because they’re wrong and they don’t matter. it’s so wonderfully patronising to the ignorant people in the world and i love it.

fav lyric: you would rather be in the dark ages making that sign, must’ve taken all night

afterglow: i love this song, and i love how this is at the latter part of the album. it’s fighting knowing they’re the one for you, after knowing they’re your lover and paper rings. it’s taking responsibility for when you fuck up because you can’t stop your mind from spiralling. you can hear the anxiety in the lyrics and the pain knowing you’re hurting someone you love, but you can also hear the surety in the song that they’ll be okay, and that’s so fucking beautiful.

fav lyric: why’d i have to break what i love so much?

ME!: taylor + panic i’m- they’re two of my favourite artists. this song by itself isn’t my favourite, but in the album, it suddenly all makes sense. this song is actually so catchy and uplifting and makes me smile. and it’s so weird listening to it without the “hey kids! spelling is fun!” ahhaha

fav lyric: babydoll when it comes to a lover, i promise that you’ll never find another like me

it’s nice to have a friend: this is so fucking cute i can’t even. i live for the simplicity of this. it’s just everything to me. the instrumental in the middle, the church bell sounds in the back, everything has changed mv vibes. mary’s song vibes. it’s so incredibly unique and special i love it.

fav lyric: light pink sky up on the roof, sun sinks down, no curfew. 20 questions, we tell the truth

daylight: i’m so fucking proud of her. another song i sobbed my way through. she managed to write 3 years of experiences into less than 5 minutes. the references to red? she knew exactly how that will cut us, and how she once had this idealised, dramatic version of love. when she finally found the real deal, she realised it’s just golden. it’s light and different to anything she could’ve ever even imagined. it reminds me that there’s light at the end of the tunnel, even if i can’t always believe it. even though the darkness felt like 20 years for her, now she only sees daylight. not because things are perfect, but things are better. i can’t imagine a more perfect way for the album to end.

fav lyric: i’ll tell you the truth but never goodbye / you are what you love / i once believed love would be burning red but it’s golden

i can’t say whether lover is my favourite album yet, but it’s a special album that’s for sure. every song belongs there, and it tells a story unlike any she’s told before. there’s every spectrum of love on here, and everything just feels so real and personal; because she’s finally found the love she’s been writing about her whole life.

#this is super long so more under the cut #this took me over 2 hours to write oops #taylor swift #lover #lover lyrics

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unsettlingshortstories · 4 years

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The Box-Social

James Reaney (1996)

"Do you know where I put my gold paint, Auntie?"

She painted some. Swans under bridges with water lilies. Old ladies at windows reading lugubrious Bibles. Tonight she was decorating a shoe-box for the box-social they were having at the school the next night. No one expected her to come. She had been quite ill for the last three weeks and hadn't appeared at the last Institute meeting; now, however, she felt well enough. She was a bit pale and looked much thinner, but she simply had to go. All that evening she sat in the kitchen cutting up old scraps of wallpaper and pasting them on the shoe-box, in various patterns with flour paste. Her box of lunch would be the prettiest there and the men would bid so high for it ... All she needed now was some gold paint, but of course Aunt had gone to bed hours ago. If Sylvia had any profession at all, it was doing pretty little things like this. Little useless things, for her real vocation had apparently been to stay home and help her aunt with the housework. What she needed now was something to line the box with. It would look so much more beautiful with the sandwiches and the little bottle of olives set against some deep rich colour. Shoe-boxes were so wonderfully white.

The rain was falling in soft applause outside.

Her fingers were white from the paste she had been using. The candle in her hand sprouted a yellow willow leaf. She was in the outhouse searching in the tiny attic for a roll of gorgeous parlour wallpaper she remembered her aunt having left there. Her father always forgot to put down the lids; the two holes stared at her like a man with a large eye and a small one. Finding what she wanted, she stepped out and stood still for a moment. The rain slopped the candle out. There was the wind in the elderberry bushes; the little things were breathing as hard as if they were swimming across the North Sea, and another sound—that of Saint James' bells all the way from town. Some notes were lost but she gathered it must be twelve. No clock should have any less to say than twelve, unless it were one at such an hour, so silent and so black. Twelve black strokes: twelve black hair-ribbons.

She walked along the fence beneath the fir trees a bit. The nightshade berries grew here with their wicked fruit. The very next field was lined with furrows as if it had been a large frown or a copy-book. It was not her father's field. Someone else had plowed it. Furrow after furrow after furrow his house lay away where he now lay sleeping and she hated him. Then, her own house—a faint pale light from the two kitchen windows. There the decorated shoe-box lay almost ready for the box-social. Every room of the house, both in their ancient, and modern styles met in parliament on its flat thin sides. Already the event, the box-social gleamed in the distance like a lantern at the end of a dark stable.

There were half a dozen cars parked at the school. Cars have such beautiful behinds with ruby-red roses that wink at you. Sylvia walked across the fields; neither her aunt nor her father wished to go. She held the precious box in her arms. It was wrapped in brown paper to protect it from the rain.

Why you're better. Yes. I am.

There were thirty people there; no one was as pale as she was. She looked like the queen on a playing card -- in her rich red dress holding the gay box in her lap. All the children's desks were cowering in one corner, for there was to be dancing. Already somebody was sprinkling boracic acid on the floor. Not that it really makes the floor slippery, but everyone is so sure that it does and it feels that much more exciting.

The fiddler played six tunes (he only knew five). Mrs. Twite wasn't dancing at all, not even with her husband, because they used the school as a Sunday school on Sundays and it would be like dancing in a church. Then, out stole a little green table, and then another green table and another and another; everyone was playing euchre until they should dance again.

I pass, paleface; joker.

They wouldn't be dancing now until after the lunch. Mr. Deloney (one of the three farmers in the neighbourhood who owned a silo) was arranging the boxes on the teacher's desk. Sylvia was very careful with her hands lest she eat them. And the teacher had pinned up the Winter ornamental border above the west blackboard with all the gay coaches galloping from the north of the room to the south .....

This lovely box wrapped in green. What young gentleman wants to eat with a pretty young lady who has wrapt her box in green?

All the men crowded up.

Hers was almost the last and he was bidding for it. Five dollars; it had looked so nice. He came straight to her.

"I knew it was yours—recognized the wallpaper. Very pretty. You aren't mad at me anymore?"

He sat down quite comfortably and began untying the black ribbons. The school clock that they had both looked at together to see if it were recess time ticked loudly above them. He lifted the lid and sat staring at what lay inside. His great hands unusually white on the top of the green baize cardtable.

And between them, the little shoe-box glistening with scarlet wallpaper and gilt like a fairy coffin. Inside it, there was the crabbed corpse of a still-born child wreathed in bloody newspaper.

"I hated you so much," she said softly.

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jacnaylor · 7 years

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Holby city and casualty & biphobia

Holby city and casualty have recently been trying to step up when it comes to diversity, especially when it comes to sexuality, and in most cases this has been done well. The Dom and Isaac storyline in particular was written well. They have a history of trying to tackle sensitive topics with a lot of grace, and are well above average on the diversity scale compared to similar shows.

But, there is a clear pattern of biphobia across both sister shows that I want to draw attention to. Not because I don’t appreciate the efforts from the shows, but because I have a feeling the writers and some audience members might not even understand how harmful some of the biphobia on the show could be. So this is just to show you where some areas can be improved.

Let’s start with casualty, as there’s less to talk about in that show compared to holby city.

1. Jez

I really like Jez as a character, but right from the get go he has been the stereotypical oversexualized bisexual. Yes, people can enjoy having a lot of sex, but when it’s done in reference to a bisexual character it just seems iffy to me. It’s like he’s having more sex because he’s with both men and women on different days of the week. Then, when we finally see him starting a relationship with Louise (we’ll get to her in a minute, wow) he breaks it off - for reasons other than his sexuality, admittedly - and is very soon in a relationship with his current boyfriend. To me this seems like he’s being pushed around partners quicker than any other character because there’s “more choice”. You don’t really see this with anyone else. Casualty love pairing people up but they usually drag out one couple and one love interest for months, but bisexual characters move from partner to partner. Sidenote: as a bisexual person, the more choice thing is a myth. You might be in a club with 200 people and not fancy any of them, no matter their gender.

And, of course he’s attracted to multiple genders and can end up with anyone. But the fact they pair him with men more frequently seems slightly dismissive to me. The writers have not stated a preference, and there may well be a preference, but they are not using the opportunity to address biphobia toward bisexual people who end up with someone of another gender to their own. Obviously let’s add yes give me all those same sex couples, i love it, but they aren’t exploring this enough at all. I want more same sex couples on mainstream tv but I just wish they would take the chance to explore different aspects of the bisexual dating experience.

I’ve been thinking about this post for months and before that they had never referenced Jez as bi. Now in the last week they have, and that’s amazing and I’m really happy about it. But it took the writers A YEAR. I KNOW THIS, BECAUSE I WAS WAITING. When Jez first talked about his sexuality it was ‘fluid’ or ‘unlabeled’ or some other such nonsense that basically meant they didn’t have to say the b word. They have since rectified this as stated, but when even contemplating writing a bi character, do some fucking research beforehand guys, it isn’t hard. And yes I know some people don’t like labels, but when it’s done in tv it seems like a lazy excuse and we all know it.

2. Louise

When Louise started her brief romance with Jez she was hesitant because of his sexuality. Jez said that it's ok and that it doesn’t affect their relationship, but no one really said that her opinion was uninformed, let alone wrong. It was basically something she wasn’t comfortable with and no one called her out on it and it’s never been mentioned again.

This scene was sort of infamous for me because this is the scene where Louise said “It’s your choice.”

Choice? Choice? C H O I C E???/

And the worst thing is Jez didn’t even call her out on it. He just let her call his sexuality a life choice and then got into a relationship with this woman who didn’t respect this part of him. Are you kidding me? I might be forgiving of ignorance when we learn from it, but mate. No way would this happen. And, not to mention that Louise is a trained health professional and should know about different sexualities by now.

3. Toby

For those who are slightly newer to casualty, Toby was a very sweet natured f1 a couple of years ago. Very timid for a long time.

So, after a traumatic experience, he had an ill advised relationship with the pregnant daughter of a senior staff member (all above board, it just probably wasn’t the best idea given their issues at the time). After some mistakes, he sought out the help of a counsellor, Ben, who he ended up dating. So, we have a canon bisexual character.

Then, when the affair was exposed - It shouldn’t have been happening anyway because I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t date your therapist, so that seems predatory in itself - Toby was ashamed of his sexuality and accused Ben of taking advantage of him. Ok, so they end up together when Toby decided to leave the hospital but….man.

The whole ‘ashamed of his sexuality, accuses colleague of taking advantage’ was something the show did again with gay character Seb in recent months. This isn’t solely biphobia in that sense, but general shitty writing for lgbtq characters. It’s a storyline that paints them as malicious, ashamed, sneaky. This happened in Holby with Dom and Malik as well, and it’s just a horrible storyline that seems to only happen with lgbtq characters and I do not know why at all.

4. Alicia

In recent times Alicia found out her father was cheating on her mother with another man. She had a massive problem with this, mostly because of the cheating, but she couldn’t seem to accept her dad’s sexuality. Yes, cheating is always wrong. I can’t remember exactly how her father identifies but if he is bisexual then....well, he didn’t just marry her mum out of convinience, he loved her. And he could have cheated on her with anyone. And to me it seemed Alicia was more angry that it was a man than anything else (please correct me if her father does identify as gay, though the point still stands about Alicia’s reluctance)

It just seemed like it was thrown in there to make it “worse” or something and Alicia was sort of awful about it all really and used it as an excuse to ruin her own life (though my issues with that character are for another time)

So now, the holby city section

1. Serena (/Bernie)

Ok, so. Before the avid fanbase for this ship, like, comes at me, let me just disclaim: yes, anyone can identify however they want! But! When it speaks to a pattern of biphobia! I have an issue with it!

So, we had the really wonderfully acted love story between two older women on Holby, Bernie and Serena. Bernie has had a relationship with a woman after the breakdown of her marriage but Serena never has. They had a really lovely story that I enjoyed.

But the word bisexual was rarely, if ever, used. When Serena was first coming to terms with her kiss with Bernie, she tried out calling herself a lesbian. Even though she had many relationships with men and one even after she first kissed Bernie. So, because she did have a romantic connection with Robbie after Bernie, I think it’s pretty clear she’s bisexual, and this would have been a lovely discussion if they didn’t just start calling her a lesbian straight away (same with Bernie, even though she was also married to a man. I’m more familiar with Serena’s story so it might well be that Bernie was always a lesbian but I’m pretty sure she reads as bi too but maybe that’s my opinion.)

There’s also that fucking awful scene in which her and Raf test out whether they want to kiss each other. She does not want to kiss Raf, and so they declare she must be a lesbian.

WHAT?

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize not wanting to kiss your mate, a skinny scottish man who cries too much, was how we measure our sexualties now. Just because I don’t want to kiss every man I know doesn’t make me a lesbian. You can be a bisexual woman and not want to kiss some guy you know at work, guys. In case you didn’t know.

I’m just like...just say bisexual. It isn’t hard.

2. Lee

Ok, so, Dom, whom I love dearly, started a relationship with a man named Lee. Lee stole all of his stuff. Lee was not a nice man. Lee also had a pregnant girlfriend. Lee is bisexual.

Lee comes back after having been in prison and proceeds to physically attack people on the ward.

It’s like they equated the lies and the cheating with his sexuality. Instead of showing us a positive relationship between a gay person and a bisexual person (which is another issue within the community itself that they could have done something positive with but nope) they showed us a gay man being lied to, cheated on and attacked by a bisexual man who seemed to have mental health issues. Also his sexuality seemed to be directly related to his mental health issues, like he was being self destructive and cheating because of his repressed sexuality. Then he attacks Dom’s new partner and says Dom still loves him and all of that, so his mental health is always tied up with his feelings for Dom which I don’t this is helpful in anyway.

Like, do I even need to explain how harmful that is? I don’t think so.

3. Fleur Fanshawe

Biphobia from gay characters on holby is not something new. Instead of being progressive in their writing, the holby writers just choose to give into stereotypes again and again. Fleur Fanshawe was an older gay woman = great. What wasn’t great was how she treated her ex girlfriend, Sophia.

So my memory isn’t a plus because I hated the storyline but what I remember is that, after they broke up, Sophia went back to her boyfriend. Fleur was very angry about this, about her “going back to men”. It was all just written very weirdly and just wasn’t good representation for bi/gay relationships. The behaviour, again, was never called out, and because their exit dates are the same I assume they got together again, even though Fleur always seemed to look down on Sophia’s bisexuality.

This is just another example of bisexual characters experiencing shame reinforced by their partners and others around them. It’s just tiring to me. It’s exhausting that the bi characters are always having to explain themselves or feel guilty.

4. Try be bi

That’s what I’m calling this section. This is the section where we talk about the odd, random, bisexual kisses that don’t seem to have a bearing on the plot.

Zosia, who is bipolar, is usually a character written very sensitively. She kissed Sophia whilst experiencing a bad mental health episode. I cannot speak to whether this behaviour is accurate and I won’t pretend to be an expert on bipolar disorder. However I think this kiss was thrown in there just to be shocking and to be a symptom of mental illness. Zosia is never confirmed bisexual and has never done anything like that afterwards, so I think it was a cheap shock ploy and it did a disservice not just to bisexuality but to mental illness as well. This was represented as a symptom of her mania but I think there were probably better ways of doing that.

Then quite a few years ago we have Donna, a nurse, having a one night stand with lesbian friend Micki. She was drunk at the time I think, and she never had any other relationships with women. Again, cheap shocks. Bisexuality is not something you just try out for the night. This is like those girls who kiss each other at parties without understanding that it’s for someone else's benefit and that they, as heterosexuals, are privileged above lgbtq people doing the same thing. Just a weird, unnecessary interlude in general.

5. Lofty

Now last night nurse Lofty was confirmed as having feelings for a man and a woman. He said “He loved them both.” Not in a poly way, since he left the woman because of his feelings for her brother. Now I along with many others welcomed this development! I want more lgbtq rep!

What I didn’t like is everyone suddenly calling him gay because he kissed a man, when he literally said in the same episode that he did love the woman he was with at the time. The media was also to blame since they basically described it as a gay bombshell. It was, in my opinion, a bisexual bombshell.

And, ok again this is my view this isn’t fact or how you have to see it, but for me this came out of nowhere, since his sexuality wasn’t ever brought up before. It almost seems as if, possibly, they are introducing it as a way to let Dom be with someone? And ok this is not confirmed but the two lgbtq characters on the same ward usually get together.

Look I like Lofty and this could be great. However, it might have been nice to introduce a new bisexual character without shoving it onto a preexisting character for the sake of convenience.

6. Jas and Morven

Now, given what I just said about Lofty and the writers randomly pushing bisexuality onto existing characters just because, you might think - Hold on a sec...but hear me out.

I love these two, my beautiful daughters. I adore them and their friendship.

But the friendship took a turn when, after weeks of Morven connecting online with a man called Nathan, she found out Nathan was actually her best friend Jasmine, cat fishing her because of her own loneliness.

Before this, Morven had said she’d really connected to “Nathan” and that she had very strong romantic feelings for him.

But they disappear as soon as she finds out it was Jasmine. It’s like, the words, the talking, the feelings were all genuine. And yes, Nathan was a fiction, but I think they could have Roxanne’d this and had her realise her feelings for this person were real, and that in actual fact that person was Jasmine. But no. They just had them fall out instead of falling in love. No bisexual roommates for me.

Oh and whilst we’re here, let’s talk about how apparently you can only have one lgbtq couple a ward (Berena as opposed to both Berena and Jasmine/Morven) Raf and Fletch, also best friends who lived together and helped raise Fletch’s children together. Jokingly described their relationship as a ‘sexless platonic marriage’. Couldn’t make it a relationship? For whatever reason. I guess what I’m trying to say is that the writers consistently deny friends to lovers relationships that have basis and positivity in favour of dramatic coming out stories, shock kisses and various other biphobic shitty things.

7. Dan Hamilton

In the words of my good friend, this was a real shit show.

Briefly romantically involved with the likes of Chrissie, Dan was originally portrayed back in 2011 as a ladies man. He shared a kiss with canon gay character Malik. This attracted criticism because apparently this was a ‘repetition of gay storylines seen on other dramas’. And ok this was a few years ago but...really

The storyline starts with him having tension with Malik - especially after he finds out Malik is gay. When Malik threatens to report Dan for something he did on the ward, they fight and then share a kiss. After this Dan rushes to his then girlfriend Chrissie and confesses his love for her. He proceeds to just try and avoid Malik and forget about the kiss. This is what they said about the storyline at the time (they being producers)

"It really isn't a 'coming out' storyline. The focus really is on Dan's character. Dan is Mr Conventional – he wants Chrissie, he wants the wife, the house, the career and 2.4 children. It won't be about him coming out and coming to terms with his sexuality. If anything, the kiss with Malick has made him even more determined to try to have a conventional life – because that's what he wants the most."

I mean, yes I like the fact not every story is a coming out story but...it seems weird for them to put it that way, especially since it was a coming out storyline if we’re being honest. Because they never discuss the bisexuality in the same way they discuss being gay on the show. Seems suspicious that they try not to delve into bisexuality. Instead of really showing how he felt for Chrissie and Malik the story was more about him being ashamed. Because that’s all the writers seem to know how to write. And I understand that it’s important to show these kind of struggles but...we never see Dom or Fleur or Malik being ‘ashamed’, only ever the men and women discovering their bisexuality. Malik tries to blackmail Dan, saying he would reveal their kiss to Chrissie. It’s almost implied - intentionally or not - that the sexuality is the issue above the cheating.

Astill also said he hoped Dan would “transform into a bisexual predator - no man or woman is safe from him.” I think the actor means he wanted Dan to be openly bisexual and as we know he’s a player, that that would still remain a part of his character. But the phrase bisexual predator is just fucking awful and harmful. When he left the show he did praise the fact Dan was the happiest we’d seen him after coming to terms with his sexuality (and I think leaving with another man?) and like, yes that’s good, but it was such an overdone story and it had its flaws for definite, not the least of which was once again painting bisexuals as confused, repressed or sexual predators or cheaters. And it seems again, a cliche, to make one of the most sexual characters bisexual, because it seems to go hand in hand on this show.

Very quick end point to explain something I said earlier: I want more same sex couples on my screen, but by showing a bisexual person in a relationship with someone of the same gender you could: explain some of the problems within the community as regards to biphobia - but that isn’t happening. By showing a bisexual person with someone of another gender you could delve into the myth of bisexual privelage - but that isn’t happening either. Instead what we have is bisexual characters very often only dating the opposite gender after their bisexuality is revealed. We see this with Dan, with Jez to an extent (he seems to have more positive relationships with men) Toby and most likely with Lofty. Again, not saying this is wrong or that these characters can’t have a preference. But the preference is never stated, it’s just implied. What this suggests to me is that the writers are having these characters ‘choose’. Which is another myth that needs to be dismantled. Bisexual people do not stop being bisexual because they are with someone of a certain gender, but for the purposes of writing these shows that’s what it feels like. Bisexuality is revealed as a shock, through a bombshell featuring a same sex relationship, and then forgotten. It feels as if these writers are using bisexuality as a stepping stone for the characters actually being gay. Now people might not agree with this and everyone’s experiences are different, but to me as a bisexual viewer that is how it feels.

I guess what I’m saying is they’ve had enough bisexual characters by now that they should be writing them as well as they do other lgbtq characters. For shows that usually handle things very well and sensitively they are still failing in this department. I love these shows but it’s 2017 guys it isn’t hard to talk to bisexual people, or you're bisexual viewers, fix your mistakes, talk to your target audience and the audience you’re trying to represent and see where you can do better. Why the fuck are we still having this conversation.

#holby city #casualty #casualty bbc #jez andrews #biphobia #mine

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