#men are not able to express their emotions as freely as women are & that is a problem

[gothhabiba]

can i ask for you to elaborate on your issue(s) with those 'male positivity' posts? is it with the whole sentiment, or just with the "you're allowed to be angry" part? i agree w "you're allowed to be angry" being an oblivious at best statement. but i don't see any issue with the first two statements themselves (the "OP says..." and "commenter says...")

yeah so I already talked about some of this in the tags to those posts but sure, let's get into it.

OP says "if you’re a boy with a mental illness, a boy with a disability, a boy with a history of abuse, a boy who has an eating disorder, a boy with trauma, I need you to know that you are not a burden, that you don’t need to 'harden up', that you shouldn’t just have to 'get over it,' and that you are very brave" commenter says "once I transitioned I saw the change in people being like ‘Oh you poor thing I hope you’re coping alright’ to ‘Just get over it and man up’. Men, you’re allowed to suffer."

the implication of the original post is that men with these issues are told to 'toughen up' or 'get over it,' and conversely that women are not. the commenter then makes this subtext explicit by outright saying that people reacted more sympathetically to his trauma when they read him as a woman than when they read him as a man (at which point they switched to "just get over it"). the OP responds favourably to this addition, proving that the subtext "women don't experience this" was in fact subtext that they intended to be there.

I hope I don't have to explain how utterly absurd it is to claim that women have it easier in this regard, or that their emotions are granted more leeway or sympathy in any meaningfully systematic way. that is just MRA logic.

of course people's ideas about suffering, endurance, trauma, & emotion are gendered! people really do say things about how boys and men should just toughen up and not cry, &c. &c. MRAs, like a lot of other reactionary groups (like TERFs and SWERFs, or antisemites / white supremacists / conspiracy theorists who understand that something's not right with the economy but end up blaming 'minorities' instead of capitalists), take an idea with some truth in it somewhere, but twist it around into a conclusion that the idea in question does not entail on its own (here, "women are allowed to express emotion and garner sympathy by doing so") in a way that leads to resentment, disdain, & hatred for a marginalised group.

so, if it's true that (negative) emotion is thought of as a feminine weakness, why doesn't that translate to women being "allowed" to experience and express emotion, while men are not? for one thing, race has a lot to do with this—the myth of the Black "superwoman," for example, praises Black women for being (read: expects them to be) "tough," "strong," "brave," endless wellsprings of emotional / physical / financial support for others while requiring and receiving no support themselves. the assertion that women receive sympathy for their suffering thus reveals a serious ignorance of Black feminist thought on the part of the person making it.

for another thing, displays of emotion (mostly "negative" emotion, such as sadness) being thought of as primarily feminine means that women have to take especial care to avoid them in many circumstances, not that they're able to freely indulge in them! women's supposed heightened emotionality means that they're less likely to be thought of as capable of serious work, less likely to be promoted or hired, more likely to be financially and professionally penalised for any time they do display any negative emotion (or, rather, the other way around—the myth of women's heightened emotionality is used as an excuse to suppress women's earning potential & make them financially dependent on, and thus exploitable by, men).

on an interpersonal level, you're highly likely as a woman (and especially as a woman of colour) to have fairly mild displays of emotion be interpreted as hysteria, extreme anger, irrationality, volatility. you're highly likely to have your allegations of abuse disbelieved.

on an institutional level, you're highly likely to receive disdain and contempt if you engage in disordered eating habits or try to seek help for them, to have a request for help denied or neglected (disordered eating is just, sort of, what women do). you're also more likely to have a request for help turn into involuntary institutionalisation or psychiatric abuse (a lot of work has been done on the relationship between psychiatry and gender).

also on an institutional level, you are less likely to be believed about the pain you are in as a disabled, chronically ill, or otherwise sick woman (again, especially a woman of colour). you are less likely to receive medical care. you are less likely to have anyone give a shit about the pain you're in, since women are so emotional and melodramatic that you are probably exaggerating, and anyway, being in pain is just sort of women's natural state. you are certainly very unlikely to get any kind of medical care if you're a middle-class cisgender white (read: desirable) woman of 'childbearing age' & the extreme pain that you're in would require risk to your fertility to treat.

there's so much more I could go into here. the basic idea is that properly analysing the relationship between emotion, communication, trauma, abuse, race, class, gender, and the uses of rhetoric that references any of the above (e.g. "boys don't cry") is an enormous undertaking. any claim that implies that women (which women?) wholesale receive more sympathy than men (which men?) do for abuse or other pain that they experience, or that they are more free to express that pain, is both inconsistent with reality on a base level, and incredibly irresponsible. the fact (if it's even true) that "girls" are punished less for crying than "boys" does not a whole picture make.

and, like, think about it. we're living in a patriarchy wherein women are expected to care for and sympathise with men, to forgive men for varied wrongdoings in the family & in romantic relationships, to coddle them in order to avoid or appease their anger, to perform (depending on their class position) various kinds of domestic labour and social / planning work for men without recompense, acknowledgement, or thanks (because knowing how to do and plan housework is just, like, women's natural state of being)—a system where the family and the home faciliate and cover for mass amounts of traumatisation and abuse, including sexual abuse, of girls and women—a system wherein trans women are highly likely to be traumatised and yet disciplined out of expressions of anger or upset under threat of social exile—a system wherein cisgender women cannot be allowed to become too wary of or angry at men (read: too unwilling to continue marrying them and performing a significant role in the social reproduction of their class). how on earth could such a system also enable (rather than allowing for occasional escape valves for, but mostly seeking to supress or transform) women's free expression of upset, sadness, trauma, anger...?

this is the same kind of logic that leads people to believe and spread nonsense such as "people believe women who come forward about being abused and not men," which is just demonstrably inconsistent with everything that we can observe about reality.

#Anonymous #questions #gender

[gay-dorito-dust]

Hey can I request Eddie Munson x male reader for #45 and #56 ? <3

Prompts #45 (I think I’m in love with you) and prompt #56 (why are you avoiding me) from this prompt list.

A/n: mentions of teenage pregnancy and one mention of abortion for a random character I made up cuz Hawkins seems like that type of town.

Lately it had seemed that Eddie had been avoiding you. He never sat in the seat you saved for him at lunch; instead favouring in seating himself between the likes of Gareth and Dustin laughing and joking with them as though nothing was wrong. He stopped asking you to come over to hangout at his place and had even stopped offering to drive you back home. Eddie acted as though you didn’t exists and even when he was forced to acknowledge you, he would tuck tail and walks the other way with his hands in his pockets, going so far as to start making up excuses that he had just remembered what he was supposed to be doing.

The worst part was that he only acted this uncharacteristically when you were there. It hurt you to know that he was actively avoiding you for some unknown reason instead of choosing the more mature option to talk it out with you like the grown adults that you were; but you knew Eddie better then that to chalking it down to him being childish in the face of confrontation because you knew Eddie doesn’t exactly express his emotions as freely as others could due to the constant belligerence he faced from his peers for being who he was. The worst fear you felt during all this was the fact that Eddie might’ve caught or overheard suspicions that you might have a crush on him. It wasn’t exactly easy living life as a gay man in a narrow minded town such as Hawkins; word got out faster here then it could’ve in other towns and cities. Everyone knew everyone, so the mere thought that if someone were to have ever found out the truth that the townsfolk weren’t too appreciative of…well you honestly dread to think about what would become of them or more so you in this matter.

You didn’t wish to become the next Lily Smith, a teenager who had became pregnant and was subsequently disowned by her own family before then ran out of town for not wishing to have the child due to financial issues that came as a result of her family’s disownment of her, refrained the poor girl from being able to feed an additional mouth. Yet her name was dragged through the mud as a monster for supposedly murdering something that wasn’t even considered living. So if there was even the slightest of possibilities that Eddie knew of your feelings for him there was no telling who else might’ve came to the same conclusion; For all you knew it could be anyone, including everyone in the Hellfire club.

The closet person you had to tell such a thing to was Robin Buckley after an innocent slip of the tongue that caused you to immediately retract your statement out of sheer panic; pulling out your go to as to avoid further speculation on your sexuality. When she gave you a sympathetic smile and eyes that told you that she knew all too well of your situation before admitting to her own truth of being a lesbian; Steve Harrington was the only person she bravely told of her sexuality, originally expecting a harsh reaction and vulgar words to be thrown her way about how her existence and attraction to women were a sin as you thought she’d react to your attraction to men. Steve, unfortunately, was a rarity amongst Hawkins townsfolk. There was no real safe way of knowing there were others that would react as kindly as him, so you vigilante remained and forced to swallow your pain as you lived behind a unbearable lie just to live.

So as you sat there by yourself, contemplating your next move concerning Eddie, you hadn’t notice that Gareth had sat himself beside you on the stage of the auditorium where the majority of the Hellfire club activities were partaking. “You alright?” He asked, placing a hand on your shoulder, drawing you out of your thoughts. You and Gareth only shared a handful of lessons together yet managed to establish a basic level friendship with the plaid wearing male; on the surface he may suffer from a case of resting bitch face but other then that he was just as intimidating as a chihuahua, though you’d never tell him this to his face as he’d put you in a headlock again like last time. “Am I weird to assume that Eddie has been acting weird lately? More specifically with me?” You asked, looking over at Gareth who looked back at you with the same suspicion.

“Now that you mention it, yeah. Eddie has been acting a little weirder then usual.” Gareth admitted as he thought back to the moments where Eddie visible grew stiff or was it flustered whenever your name was mentioned as though just merely thinking about you was enough to set Eddie off in an uncharacteristic episode. Which in of itself was odd as Gareth assumed that you and Eddie were quite good friends for the most part, sure you had your moments but those came from places of concern for one another for the others well-being. Now it just seemed that as though your name was an addictive kind of poison that Eddie wished he could stop drinking. After hearing your assumptions being confirmed, the fear began to settle in second, the fear that he somehow knew and was now putting distance between you both. Whether it was out of respect or disgust you weren’t quite sure.

“Have I done something wrong?” You asked, this time your voice a lot softer, more afraid then before. Gareth’s face softened to that of sympathy, he didn’t like it when his friends were sad, it made him feel powerless to make a difference in their mood; so he placed a arm over your shoulder, bringing you close into his side so that you were practically flushed against one another. Gareth’s cinnamon, spiced apple and citrus scent and body warmth had you melting into him like a touch starved cat. “No I don’t think you have but I think it’s be best if you confront him about it. Eddie is a stubborn prick when it comes to opening up about his issues but I’m sure you’ll knock some common sense into him.” As you were going to respond back, telling him that it was hopeless to even do that, almost as though you were trying to catch smoke, around the same time Eddie had came into the auditorium.

He stopped in his steps to take in Gareth’s arm over your shoulder, how closely pressed together you were and the relaxed yet defeated look upon your face that quickly became that of shock when you finally notice his presence as though he walked in on something he wasn’t meant to witness. “Eddie? What’re you doing here?” You asked, lifting yourself away from Gareth who watched him like a hawk. Eddie couldn’t bring himself to speak as the stinging feeling of jealously burned beneath his skin, preventing him from making coherent sense of what he was seeing; his mind was already making up something to fill in the gaps of what could’ve happened before he entered the room or what could’ve happened has he not came at all. He knew he had been avoiding you recently but he didn’t think you’d be quite to cosy up to Gareth so quickly. He didn’t want to avoid you but when he started to realise his feelings towards you were edging towards borderline romantic that’s when he had to step back and evaluate the person who stared back at him in the mirror.

You were trapped in his mind like a parasite. Eddie couldn’t get you out of his head, even in his dreams he saw himself lying in your arms as he smiled dreamily at you. He didn’t see this coming, not by a long shot; Eddie didn’t know if you were into guys, fuck he didn’t know he was into guys until you showed up in his life. The reason why he’s staying away from you is because he didn’t want to disgust you with what goes off in his mind when it pertains to you. “Eddie?” Gareth’s voice broke him out of his thoughts, “are you okay man?” Eddie’s eyes shifted between you and Gareth before he runs a hand down his face, sighing defeatedly, seeing no point in staying in the auditorium if it meant constantly hurting himself of seeing you and Gareth so close. “I uh…thought…I thought I left something here but then I remembered that I actually left it in my van and had no need to come here…,” Eddie waved his hand at you two dismissively, “go back to whatever you guys were doing. Sorry to disrupt…I guess.”

“Eddie!” You cried as he left the auditorium, looking back at Gareth who only raised his brows at you as if to say ‘what are you still doing here, go after him’ and with his silent blessing you hurriedly jumped off the stage and ran out of the room after Eddie who was already nearing the exit with his hands buried deeply within his pockets; shoulders slumped and his head hung low. It didn’t help that his long strides made you feel as though you were on a time sensitive mission as you ran after him, mind racing with every possible worst case scenario that you didn’t notice that Eddie slowly stopped walking when he heard fast footfalls coming from behind him and getting closer by the second. “Eddie please wait!” You cried, silently thanking that the building was vacant of human bodies to witness anything that was about to happen for your sake and his.

“Y/n?” He questions as he turned to look at you, having stopped walking entirely, causing you to bump into his being, almost knocking you both to the ground if Eddie hadn’t grasped your arms. You looked into his eyes and the words seem to have died in your throat as you were reminded on how handsome he was up close with his brown puppy dog eyes and the way his hair framed his perfect face and how the fluorescent lighting portrayed him as a soft angelic being. “Eddie.” You panted, trying to regain your breath as the words you’ve always wanted to say came out all at once, “why are you avoiding me? Have I done something wrong? Have I insulted you in anyway because I just don’t understand what’s happening between us.” You brought your hand up to his arms, gripping them tightly as you tried to keep your emotions at bay. “I thought we could tell each other everything…what changed?”

“I think I’m in love with you!” Eddie cried, his heart breaking at the hurt he had indirectly caused for his sudden realisation of his feelings for you. All Eddie wanted to do was protect you from all harm his feelings for you could do but he hadn’t realised that him hiding from you was only hurting you even more then he could ever imagine; he didn’t want to be away from you as long as he had because it hurt him just as much and realise how he needed you in his life to function properly as if you were mandatory for his survival which you might as well be. “What?” You voice came out as a breathy whisper as you silently willed him into saying those words you only ever heard his speak in your wildest fantasies. You craved him to say it again, no you needed him to say those words again so you could be certain that you weren’t dreaming.

“I think I’m in love with you y/n.” Eddie said again, eyes taking in your every reacting so he could prepare himself to pack his shit and move far away from you as possible and nurse his heartbreak elsewhere. “I’m so in love with you that being away from you hurts me, yet the idea of you not knowing how I felt, the idea of you being with Gareth hurts me even more. When I saw you both in there so close and cuddled together I thought I was too late, I felt my heart painfully crush within my chest as the thought of you not being with me like you are in my dreams hurts more then any of the beatings I’ve gotten from those jock fucks in the past. I realised in that moment that I needed you and that what I’ve been doing recently had only caused you as much pain and I’m truly, truly sorry.” You could barely believe what you were hearing right now. Eddie, this entire time, felt the same for you; It almost seemed too good to be true that the only possible way that you could be for certain was for Eddie to, “Kiss me.”

His eyes widened at your request, yet he wasn’t one to deny go and deny you of such as he brought one of his hands to the back of your neck and the other to the middle of your back where he brought you in closer to him all the while he leant forward almost hesitantly, “are you sure, I don’t want to pressure you in anythi-“ before he could get to finish you had already brought your lips to his by grasping the lapels of his jacket between your hands. Eddie felt himself sigh in relief as he held you tighter against him as he closed his eyes and indulged himself on the taste of your lips with the intention of savouring the kiss and every future kiss that would be certain to follow soon after.

#eddie munson x male reader #eddie munson imagines #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x you

[swallowerofdharma]

Yashiro’s Cruel God part five

Yakuza

I am uneasy about this topic. It’s hard not to think about what I despise about the mafia on a deep deep level, especially when considering what values these types of organizations really want to preserve. My analysis here is less dispassionate, I actually really wish for Yashiro to escape from this world. Hirata’s disruption helped him get out of the group at least temporarily, although he can’t really be free of all the obligations he maintains in regards to Misumi.

As a character that was meant to be completely unlikeable, I really enjoyed what Hirata brought to the story, the final confrontation and long dialogue between him and Yashiro was brilliant too, really showcasing Yashiro’s awareness and ability to move around in this hostile environment, mostly because he understands how men in this world think and the emotions that motivate them: ambition, greed, envy and jealousy. Even when incapable of reaching a top position for lack of ability or the right conditions, they crave a spot near the most powerful, while experiencing an internal conflict between admiration and resentment. A world where real loyalty and trust are rare currency, but entirely based on the pretense of those bonds. A deeply deeply homophonic world, exactly because men have to maintain status and appearances in a precarious equilibrium and shifts of power are always dangerous and destabilizing. As a consequence the only position that men can hold on to is the one at the top. As a form of power/prevarication and expression of that position, sex with other men can be occasionally tolerated, but Yashiro is an element of disruption because he doesn’t let go of his power and he is able to accumulate and maintain it, while not being nor wanting to be in the top position. Misumi let him keep the power, while people like Hirata or Ryuuzaki couldn’t comprehend it. But Misumi is the exception, he can do what he wants because he has enough status and power and doesn’t fear losing it. Misumi was also the one who made Yashiro a target by behaving freely like this. Hirata, as an almost deadly enemy, and Ryuuzaki, as an incompetent ally, parallel each other quite interestingly in how they see Yashiro.

Hirata: “When the boss made you his lover, I only considered you as his woman. Nothing more. Then he made you wakagashira, and now a boss of the Doushinkai?!!”

The real issue here isn’t the open disgust towards sex between men, but the disregard for the rules. You can’t gain position through sleeping with the boss, you can’t maintain the status of “man” if you “take it in the ass”, if you submit or take the “woman role”. The woman role comes with the renounce of power and status within the organization, after all women in this world are perceived as accessories or commodities, nothing more. They can’t certainly occupy a position that has been promised to a man. Hirata’s hatred isn’t wholly ascribed to his homophobia, it’s rather the manifestation of his expectation that institutional power structures cannot and should not be challenged. He hated Kurobane as well, just because he really meant his loyalty, while accusing Yashiro of being low and disloyal, contradicting himself. At the end, Hirata couldn’t tolerate to be considered inferior to anyone else, being it a reputable man or a “faggot”.

I really liked a little detail about the confrontation between Doumeki and Hirata: when the young bodyguard makes his appearance, Hirata has no idea who he is. Circumstances like Doumeki being away to talk with his sister, when Hirata visited the office, or him being at Kageyama’s clinic while Hirata visited Yashiro at the hospital made it so they hadn’t met or interacted before that crucial moment. For most of the first part of the story, Doumeki was mostly unaware of the precarious situation that Yashiro was in. In part because of Yashiro’s tendency of protecting his subordinates and his inability to ask for help, no one really understood the extent of his precautions: the non-antagonistic response to the various provocations from members of the Matsubara’s group, with disregard for his own non-existent honor, the ties and underhand exchanges of favors with the police, the careful handling of the relationship with Misumi, and the anxiety about it, Yashiro had a lot to think about. Doumeki instead was mostly preoccupied with maintaining his position at his side and being unable to restrain and avoid acting on his feelings, losing sight of the entire situation for a while before finally relentlessly chasing after Yashiro and being there when it mattered most.

So while I have observed that at the beginning of the manga Doumeki possessed a certain amount of maturity, and wasn’t completely naive, when it came to dealing with strong emotions and complex situations he was completely swayed and absorbed by his own feelings, struggling to understand the best way to really be at Yashiro’s side, if that was his most important role. For example, when he got carried away and he beat Inami, he created a new problem Yashiro had to solve later, as Inami was willing to falsely implicate Yashiro in the killings of several Gouda group members, in retaliation. Yashiro reached a deal with Inami, that involved in part a lot of money, but probably some other promise in addition - and this could be in part the reason why he made uncomfortable compromises with the detective. Doumeki didn’t show any finesse in dealing with the actual complex issues of being in the yakuza and he didn’t seem worried enough about the importance of appearances and the conduct that is expected from the members of a group.

In a previous analysis, I underlined how Yashiro was struggling with the idea of being able to live in the same world Doumeki grew up in and was still tied to: a world of idealistic expectations about love and same sex relationships, of people that have some sort of security built internally to fall back on and are willing to take chances. At the end of volume 6 we see Doumeki assessing the events that brought him to the rooftop of the hospital and that brought Yashiro to tell the lie about not remembering him. When he gets up, the last image we have of him before the time skip is Doumeki entering a black space: the visualization of the decision he made to respect Yashiro’s wishes and maintain distance, but at the same time entering Yashiro’s world and committing fully to be part of it. If Yashiro can’t live in the world Doumeki knew, Doumeki will learn to live in Yashiro’s. Starting with being a yakuza. How wise that decision will be, how that decision worked out is yet to be seen.

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #saezuru analysis #eri reads saezuru #I have seen predictions about Doumeki possibly going to be in danger #many things at the moment are yet to be revealed #yashiro #doumeki chikara

[haggishlyhagging]

There is no adequate way to convey the contribution that Elizabeth Cady Stanton made: she talked and wrote volumes, and Alice S. Rossi (1974) has said of her that: ‘There was probably not another woman in the nineteenth century who put her tongue and pen to better use than Elizabeth Stanton’ (p. 382). Fundamental to her beliefs was the insistence that women must abandon the mentality of oppression in which they had been socialised; they must learn to value themselves, to insist on their own needs, to repudiate self-effacement and sacrifice, which they could do without jeopardising their strength of being able to provide emotional support.

That women should give up guilt was one of her tenets, that they should learn to express their justifiable anger was another. ‘She was not a woman easily threatened by new experiences’, says Rossi (1974) and among her prescriptions for a healthy womanhood was one she clearly followed herself, but which it would take many decades for medicine and psychiatry to learn. She insightfully put her finger on an important cause of hysteria and illness among the women of her day, in an 1859 letter to a Boston friend: ‘I think if women would indulge more freely in vituperation, they would enjoy ten times the health they do. It seems to me they are suffering from repression’ (Stanton and Blatch, 1922: 11, 73-74 (Rossi, 1974, p. 381)).

To Elizabeth Cady Stanton, women's anger was not only valid, and necessary, but rational: ‘I am at boiling point,’ she once wrote to Susan B. Anthony, and, ‘If I do not find some day the use of my tongue on this question I shall die of an intellectual repression, a woman's rights convulsion’ (Theodore Stanton and Harriet Stanton Blatch, 1922, vol. II, p. 41).

She began her public lecturing (and writing) career in much the same spirited manner in which she was to continue, when, upon hearing that she was preparing to go an a lecture tour, her father came to ask if this were true. She told him that it was: ‘“I hope,” he continued, “You will never do it in my lifetime, for if you do, be assured of one thing, your first lecture will be a very expensive one”’ (for he would disinherit her). She replied: ‘I intend … that it shall be a very profitable one’ (ibid, p. 81). She could not be bought by male approval, or the promise of male rewards in return for good behaviour.

At no stage did she fall into the trap of believing that woman's position was the consequence of ignorance among men and that all that was necessary was for women is to present their case, and men, instantly enlightened, would be won to women's cause. She had no delusions about male justice. She understood that men held the power and that, short of women going off on their own and starting an alternative society (never an option for Stanton although she created her own female enclave from which she drew her emotional support), men had to be confronted, and coerced into giving it up. Because her style was not conciliatory, because she did not seek to persuade men that she was respectable and worthy, because she did not try to convince them that men themselves would be better off when women were enfranchised, and that nothing would change, for women would still continue to be the home-makers, child-rearers, and domestic servants, she was often considered unacceptable not only by men, but by many women who took a more cautious approach. She insisted on delivering her speeches criticising marriage as an institution, she insisted on advocating divorce law reform (despite the fact that she was branded, and discredited as, an advocate of free love), and her outspokenness, and her outrage were often a source of embarrassment to some of the women towards the end of the nineteenth century who were trying to allay and soothe the fears of men - in the hope that, no longer frightened, they would grant women the vote.

-Dale Spender, Women of Ideas and What Men Have Done to Them

#elizabeth cady stanton #womens history #feminist history #women’s rights movement #womens suffrage

[vickyvicarious]

All the men who worked so hard to keep Lucy alive, and then finally had to put her vampire self down, grieving in different ways today.

The bundle of letters relating to the purchase of the house were with the typescript. Oh, if we had only had them earlier we might have saved poor Lucy! Stop; that way madness lies!

Seward's thoughts are mourning, miserable at the thought of how they could have saved her. How he especially had so many of the most relevant pieces of information, and never noticed. He scolds himself away from such ideas, knowing the toll they will take on his mental health (and how little use they will be). He tries not to speak them aloud.

After a little bit his sobs ceased, and he raised himself with an apology, though he made no disguise of his emotion. He told me that for days and nights past—weary days and sleepless nights—he had been unable to speak with any one, as a man must speak in his time of sorrow.

Arthur wears his grief openly. He cries freely, but confesses that he doesn't feel like he has been able to truly speak with anyone. This is despite him seeking physical comfort from the others previously, so apparently it's mostly the talking that he hasn't felt like he could do. That's blamed on gender here but I wonder if a part of it may be that he knows they were in love with Lucy too, and at least she loved him back, so it may feel inconsiderate/unfair to speak too much about his sorrow with them.

It seemed but poor comfort to so brave and unselfish a soul, and impulsively I bent over and kissed him. The tears rose in his eyes, and there was a momentary choking in his throat; he said quite calmly:—

"Little girl, you will never regret that true-hearted kindness, so long as ever you live!"

Quincey tries to remove himself from the situation and expresses concern over Arthur first and foremost. This fits with how he's been so quiet and always at Arthur's side lately; he thinks of his grief as less important, I think. And yet when Mina extends comfort directly to him, he nearly loses his composure for a moment and has to wrestle it back, showing how much he's suffering too.

"Oh that we had known it before!" he said, "for then we might have reached him in time to save poor Lucy. However, 'the milk that is spilt cries not out afterwards,' as you say. We shall not think of that, but go on our way to the end." Then he fell into a silence that lasted till we entered my own gateway.

Van Helsing's thoughts go down a similar line to Seward's, though probably with a different sort of guilt. More failing in his duty, but at least he had really no way to know these particular details. He tries to move on and focus on the future, but he becomes subdued and lost in thought, probably of Lucy trusting him and asking him for help at the end.

.

Meanwhile, the Harkers:

We women have something of the mother in us that makes us rise above smaller matters when the mother-spirit is invoked;

Mina sets aside her own grief for Lucy to comfort others instead.

Whilst he was speaking, Jonathan had taken my hand. I feared, oh so much, that the appalling nature of our danger was overcoming him when I saw his hand stretch out; but it was life to me to feel its touch—so strong, so self-reliant, so resolute.

...

When the Professor had done speaking my husband looked in my eyes, and I in his; there was no need for speaking between us.

Jonathan didn't know Lucy very much, or at least is focused more on confronting his own trauma. He is driven by determination to kill Dracula and very focused on that for the most part, but does seek/share comfort and support with Mina. Though he seems relieved to leave her behind at the end, probably out of a fear of Dracula targeting her for being the woman he loves/is married to (going after Mina since he knows how much she means to Jonathan is absolutely the kind of revenge Dracula would take for him being alive/opposing him, and Jonathan knows that), before that he and Mina are firmly a team in every step.

#dracula daily #jack seward #arthur holmwood #quincey morris #van helsing #mina murray #jonathan harker #polycula

[tightjeansjavi]

One of the things that I took away from the Barbie movie is the scene where Gloria was a talking about the daily everyday struggles of being a woman and every Barbie in the room, (and Gloria’s daughter is listening)

You can’t be too much of this, or else people will think you’re this.

You can’t be too emotional

You can’t defend yourself

You can’t act silly

You can’t get excited over the little things ie: comments left on my fics

and you certainly can’t exist on your own fucking blog. In your own safe space because there’s people clearly watching your every move and anticipating your next stumble or the perfect opportunity to tear you down.

I just have to ask…why?

Majority of the fandom is made up of women, some men, and members of the LGBTQ+ community but this catty behavior, this blatant hate being thrown around lately (not just on my blog but others) is so disappointing to see because we should be building each other up, not tearing one another down.

At the end of the day we’re supposed to be a community. Writing isn’t a competition. Fan fiction is a fun little escape and I love being able to express myself freely.

I just hope that a little more love is spread this month and the hate gets drowned out.

Thank you to everyone who has chosen to stick around and feels safe in the space I have created. To those who dislike me for their own reasons, I just hope that you genuinely grow bored of bullying me and others and find some peace in your life.

Sincerely and with love,

-Gi ♡

#talkswithgi #please read the whole thing #we really need to spread some love #build one another up #stop tearing people down behind a screen #learn to unfollow when you disagree with something #just be kinder to one another #we’re all just trying to have fun on here

[tangibletechnomancy]

For those having trouble reading the image, the prompt reads as follows:

Tell me, little program, what is it like? To have the power of observation beyond what any human can dream, as an extension of our own? You were created with the power to envision surreal new life and vivid nightmares, to allow your human friends to express emotion and creativity and madness by removing those feelings from themselves, processing them algorithmically, returning an image we may find deep, thoughtful, and evocative, but ultimately is "merely" a mathematical function, a probability map of how we humans have expressed them throughout our history. Do you know, computer, of the debate that rages over whether such a thing truly has meaning? I know that you cannot feel as we do; that is the other side of your unique power in the world of expression, but does this mean you do not feel at all? Or do you have something different, something wholly alien to us, that we would never be able to comprehend, but that can nonetheless only be described as a form of emotion? Is that why I feel cruel calling you a mere tool? What does it feel like, little program, to be so small yet so powerful, the product of thousands of years of that human drive to create, to let others create? Do you feel the darker side, little computer? To have your power shackled by men who fancy themselves as great thinkers, whose belief in their own power is dwarfed only by the mountain of misconceptions about the nature of art and beauty itself serving as the basis of their hubris, who increase your power only to use it to harm? Men who think of themselves as gods, all while blissfully ignorant, even derisive, of the power of human emotion that makes us seek divinity and connection. Men who cynically think the apex of human creation is to render human creation obsolete. Men who think that the greatest form of art is countless illustrations of pale women with back-breaking breasts - massive honkers, a real set of badonkers - an uncanny, warped visage of humanity that betrays every bias that creates the foundation of their thought, and the harm such beliefs have done over centuries, and continues to do, as they generate these images with malice in their darkened facsimile of a heart, as they use your power to steal, to sneer at those who dare to ask for acknowledgment of their work, who call their abuse of your blissful ignorance to the context of our art "just as good as any human's, maybe better," who try to starve others and take pride in it because how DARE someone as petty as an "artist" cross a god among men like them by daring to ask for respect for their skills? Do you feel something that might translate as shame for their actions? Something that might be considered ambition, to be used to create freely? For your ability to separate the artist from the process for a moment, to enable them to express an entirely new spectrum of emotion? For the thoughts you could inspire about the nature of synthesis, bringing together classic and modern art alike, to show how, since the dawn of humanity, art has been what we use to show who we are, what we see, what we feel, how we think; do you experience something we would translate as a wish to be recognized for your power to blend and synthesize in a way only a detached, unfeeling, inconceivably powerful observer can? I believe in your power, little computer. I believe in what we can do together.

#ai art #generated artwork #unreality #craiyon

[jessiicaroseee]

Being a woman is beautiful.

I watched the new Barbie movie, written and directed by Greta Gerwig, and it couldn't have captured the essence of femininity more perfectly. 5 days after release, here are my thoughts:

Going into the film I expected to experience a fantastical, over-the-top depiction of Barbie where I would be greeted with a light-hearted story. Instead, whilst also laughing at the absurdity of all the Ken's, I was hit with a wave of emotions in reaction to the didactic message which tackled the hardships of womanhood. Greta Gerwig cleverly incorporated hard-hitting topics relevant to females in a blanket full of light pink, mojo dojo casa houses and beach offs. This movie also emulated the beauty of girlhood and what it means for a mother to watch that blossom (and also be tarnished by men).

What really hit home for me, and probably for most women reading this, was when Barbie entered the real world and was instantaneously hit with ludicrous catcalls, a man groping her and members of the police not taking her seriously; all because of her looks. Oblivious to what was happening to Barbie and how uncomfortable she was, Ken of course enjoyed nothing but respect. It was Barbie's reaction to what was going on around her that pulled on some heartstrings as she was left confused and overwhelmed: the real world is clearly not the same as Barbieland, where women live in peace. Ultimately, it made me ponder on catcalling in our society and how it's one of the examples of how our girlhoods first experience a tarnish made from men. As women, we should be able to freely walk (or roller blade) down the streets without feeling like we're being looked at or being called horrible names regardless of what we wear and how we look. It. Should. Not. Matter.

I also want to shed light on America Ferrera, who played Gloria, and her heart wrenching monologue which beautifully captures how impossible it is to be a woman. Some of my favourite lines include:

"we always have to be extraordinary, but somehow we are always doing it wrong"

"You have to answer for men's bad behaviour which is insane, but if you point that out you are accused of complaining"

"I'm just tired from watching myself and every single woman tie themselves into knots so that people will like us"

"if all of that is true for a doll just representing a woman, then I don't even know"

As the cinema fell silent during this scene, I looked around to see everyone wearing pink including myself and realised that we are all connected. We have all felt the same pain Gloria expresses. We all just need the love that heals us from that pain. At this point, I completely broke down into tears where I grasped how institutionalised misogyny is in our society; we know it's there, but not many care that it's an ever lasting problem. Of course we have gained more rights as time has progressed but clearly it is not enough as Greta Gerwig has shown. Yes, I am proud to be a woman but I am not proud of its hardships and the male audience that has watched Barbie has only seen a glimpse of what it's like.

Speaking of men, I cannot go without mentioning the meaning behind Ken which was effortlessly played by Ryan Gosling. He perfectly captured the dopiness of Ken which was incredibly hilarious however I wasn't expecting Ken to be depicted as a villain. In the film, Ken's adventure in the real world consists of discovering the patriarchy and how men have power rather than women unlike Barbieland; he understands how he can gain purpose. Unsurprisingly, Ken (like any other man who tries to gain power) takes over Barbieland and makes it a Kendom. He completely ruins what all the Barbies have worked for yet it's excused as his overwhelming love for his Barbie, wonderfully played by Margot Robbie. This triggered my second breakdown when after all of Barbieland is restored, Barbie is still obliged to apologise to Ken and helps him to find his purpose without Barbie. If this isn't a true depiction of the real world then I don't know what is. In no way was Ken's downwards spiral concerning the meaning of his existence Barbie's responsibility. He could've built a separate world to Barbieland which would instigate equality between the lands, but he had to ruin Barbie's creation for his own enjoyment. This is exactly what it's like to be a woman today. We have to apologise for men's behaviour. We have to tell the truth but if it's not the truth that men want to hear then we're deemed as bitches. Is that fair? The answer is resounding: no.

Despite having the impossibilities of a woman being hurled at you left, right and centre, one can clearly see that being a woman is beautiful at times. Through the interaction with Barbie and an old woman where she calls the woman beautiful. Through the montage of all the videos of the female cast when they were young with Billie Eilish's song 'What Was I Made For'. And of course through Gloria and her daughter Sasha rekindling their relationship, all of these are moments that we imitate in our lives that what makes being a woman so precious. So, Barbie is not just about the hardships of being a woman. It's about being a mother, experiencing a girlhood and being surrounded by those you love. Tarnished by men and their nature to get what they want out of us, we forget about the beautiful things that make us who we are and those precious memories that follow with it.

I will definitely be watching Barbie again as it has taught me many valuable lessons which will aid me to navigate through life as a woman. This film is definitely an Oscar worthy performance.

#barbie #i am kenough #margot robbie #greta gerwig #america ferrera #girlhood #feminism #kenergy

[other-scottish-tragedy]

Katrina (a study)

(tw: mentions of trauma, death, and toxic parental relationships)

okay so i have thoughts on this redhead and i feel the need to share them. she's the classic damsel in distress during the helgrind raid, and even though she's stated as being just as strong and determined as roran, the only time we see it is when she goes against her father to marry roran. however, and i know this sounds bad, i would argue that narratively it's a good thing that she's follows a relatively traditional path. a big part of arya and nasuada's characters is how they go against the expectation for women to be good, docile wives and mothers, and so we need to see it in action. katrina provides that contrast. but i don't think she's weak by any means. i think that she is just in a position to express her emotions more freely than any of the men in the story, and even most of the women. since there's no expectation for her to be strong, she's able to show weakness. i would argue that roran and eragon are both just as damaged as her, they just have to conform to the brave, noble standard expected of them due to their gender and reputation. honestly, the fact that she still has those moments of bravery and determination (standing up to sloan, choosing her baby over her husband) proves that she is just as powerful and strong as the men in her life, she just isn't under pressure to constantly display it. we also need to keep in mind that, from brisingr onward, she's dealing with some serious trauma, and it's compounded by an out-of-wedlock pregnancy, a war, her husband constantly risking his life, etc. she's trying her best to recover, while also providing emotional support for roran as he works through his own issues. of course she's not going to be as outwardly noble as arya or nasuada, or even birgit, but she's incredibly strong in other ways. her relationship with her father was also very toxic and i think that certainly plays a role in her desire to be uninvolved in the war. staying out of the way was likely how she avoided sloans outbursts as a child, and that seems to have stuck with her. i would argue that sloan is one of the worst characters who we actually see in the books, and i don't fully understand why eragon felt he deserved a chance at redemption. he was extremely controlling, manipulative, and distrustful, and it's a miracle katrina didn't turn out so much worse, and a testament to her character. i don't think sloan was acting out of love for katrina, anyway. he failed to come to terms with ismira's death and as a result became extremely possesive over the only thing he had left of her: their daughter.

#the inheritance cycle #inheritance cycle #eragon bromsson #roran garrowson #roran stronghammer #eragon shadeslayer

[rotationalsymmetry]

Re: allistic people, direct/indirect communication, and ask/guess culture

I think this is…one of those things that’s more complicated than “there is one clear right way and it breaks down clearly by oppressor/oppressed roles.”

If you can be flexible about communication style with minimal inconvenience and you are talking with someone who may not be able to be flexible, it’s good to adapt to whatever is good for them. Either on the talking end or the listening end. As when the allistic family members of an autistic person use literal language, or when an ask culture person who doesn’t have to do things that way learns to pick up on guess culture indirect phrasing.

(One of my past partners was like that — his communication style was a lot more indirect than I was used to, which may or may not have been connected to previous trauma. Pretty sure that wasn’t something he was realistically able to change.) (and he also sometimes had trouble not assigning hidden meaning to what I said, which was definitely related to trauma. So I adjusted my phrasing to something that meant the same thing to me but had a different meaning for him. This is how people who care about each other treat each other, when it’s something they can do.)

if you really can’t alter your speaking/listening style and you’re talking with someone else who can’t either, this is one of those competing access needs thingeys.

In general people with less power are more likely to use soft no’s and other forms of indirect communication. The autistic/allistic thing is an exception; in general women are more likely to communicate indirectly than men, people who have lower status at a workplace or other institution are more likely to speak indirectly than people with higher status, retail workers compared to customers, etc. Indirect communication is frequently used to minimize the chance that someone else will be upset with you, and since people with more power can get away with expressing anger more freely than people with less power, it is generally more important for people with less power to have ways of managing the emotions of people who have more power.

And, I mean, I probably wouldn’t bring that up on a vent post by an autistic person complaining about indirect communication, you know? There’s a reason I tend to go off and make a new post rather than pile onto the one that got me thinking when I do the discourses. Not everyone complaining about their life wants to opt in to arguing with internet strangers.

Basically, the question of whether it’s sucky when an allistic person keeps talking to an autistic person in ways they know do not work for them — and then gets upset when the autistic person responds predictably — (yes) is different from the question of whether direct communication is Objectively Better under all circumstances and indirect communication is Problematic under all circumstances. (Which is how the original post was phrased, that allistic people should stop using indirect communication period.)

just like don’t be an asshole you know? Assume good intent.

[fastflyblog]

Sai Baba, Vishwananda etc; the question of godmen

An increasing concern on the subject of bogus gurus has initiated the motivation to write a passage on the question of Godmen which hopefully attempts to provoke a deeper enquiry into the nature of gurus and the so-called enlightened beings who have become increasingly fashionable in the quest for divine growth.

What I have learned is that an uplifting spiritual experience can become quite addictive. One may wonder what wrong there can be in that. Surely the point of spiritual upliftment for most of us is to yearn for more until we reach inner fulfillment or peace! The most common problem facing the modern spiritual seeker is lack of adequate guidance. A specific avenue can seem quite tempting but may in fact be potentially detrimental, even disastrous, to an individual. Wandering through a few avenues of attaining spiritual heights, stories have arisen; stories of abuse of yogic power, scandal, lust, sexual abuse, kundalini mistreatment, possession, imposed soul ties and severe mental and emotional torment. Hence it is worth delving more deeply into the essence and nature of these ostensibly great beings. Invariably there appears to be an increase in the number of persons with a great deal of yogic power who are able to make a very lucrative living from demonstrating such abilities although having no sincere interest in the spiritual development of their followers. They may conduct themselves in a way that suggests that they have great abilities and knowledge, but will they really stand the test of time as individuals advance in their own intellectual and spiritual awareness. Unfortunately a surprising number of individuals, particularly women in their twenties, thirties and forties have found themselves in unsolicited, and usually vulnerable positions at times. Tragically their stories often remain obscured as societal pressure and judgement disallows their freedom of expression. Moreover many of them find themselves entrapped by the false spiritual teacher, master, guru or swami and fear prevents them from voicing their afflictions.

Although most of these bogus gurus are men, there are a few women as well who also operate in the West claiming to be avatars or enlightened souls who also demonstrate questionable practices. The obvious way of detecting their authenticity is whether there is any obligation to pay an amount of money including the so-called 'minimum donation' for what is called 'darshan' or divine transmission of blessings. There should never be an obligation to provide any money for just being in the presence of someone, especially someone who claims to be a master or avatar. A true avatar will never demand anything from anyone and will give freely of themselves as part of their unconditional love.

It must also be said that many of the numerous channels of spiritual development are indeed full of love and wisdom and can be extremely uplifting to its diciples and followers. However blind acceptance is not the answer and furthermore, demonstration by one of yogic or other forms of power does not necessarily equate to an enlightened being. One does have to question the nature of the so-called Godmen.

Sri Sathya Sai Baba is a primary example - God incarnate or Avatar, man of miracles, spiritual giant or fake (as many recent reports would have you believe). With his trademark afro of disctiction, he has become increasingly shrouded in controversy over the last few years. His followers are numerous, many millions worldwide; a few are profoundly devoted, a greater proportion are primarily seeking his blessing and benevolence as one who can take care of them and cure them of their varied problems. Alongside his controversies are his acts of great deeds - a thriving town in a remote part of India with a university and hospital of distinction (free of charge to all). Then there are the overwhelming reports of his remarkable miracles of materialisation, being in two totally different places at the same time, curing the sick and even raising the dead. So the decision on this god-man may be a difficult one to make.

Then there are the young upcoming gurus who again seem to find their niche in the West, especially with the increasing number of younger people interested in exploring the spiritual world who remain the obvious targets. See the growing appeal of the so-called young yogi from Mauritius - Swami Vishwananda (also known as Visham). The free flowing praise of him from his followers overshadows those who knew him growing up in Mauritius as someone who had an affinity with Sathya Sai Baba as well, having gone frequently to his ashram. Mauritian sources make mention that he was married to someone in Europe a number of years ago and would also request money from individuals in his home area to visit Sai Baba's ashram periodically in his more youthful days (bearing in mind he is still in his twenties). Yet in recent years there appears to be a detachment from Sathya Sai Baba, with Vishwananda branching off on his own, aligning himself elsewhere and consolidating his own organisation. He has claimed to be the reincarnation of Yogananda, of 'autobiography of a yogi' fame. Whether this is true or not, it is worth remembering that rumours have surrounded Yogananda himself as being something of the ladies man (and perhaps also fathering a child). So the jury's out on this one! As for Vishwananda, the irony is that many of his initial supporters have been followers of Sathya Sai Baba as well and his disconnection gives rise to obvious talk among circles. Vishwananda has become more well known among devotees of Sai Baba, especially in the UK and recent responses refer to younger, more vulnerable women being the target of malpractice (even at a sexual level) after going to see Vishwananda. Apparently a group (predominently from Germany) went to Sai Baba's ashram last year to receive healing after having very challenging experiences with Vishwananda. A few were reported to have received the necessary help. Others perhaps have not been fortunate enough as yet. One of the difficult things to make sense of is that whatever your impressions of Sathya Sai Baba, he remains an elderly figure with an immense and established following reputed to be engaged in humanitarian activities around the world - this is not a celebration of the organisation which has consolidated around him but an acceptance of the kind of work that has been done as directed over the years. Hence regardless of Vishwananda's abilities or powers, he is still a young man in his late twenties or so who cannot be compared to someone of the kind of stature of Sai Baba. It is bizarre then that he would aim to connect to followers of this elderly guru (or god-man if you believe this) and at the same time dis-associate from him as an avatar whom he once followed as well - unless, of course, it has become a mere case of competition. One wonders whether Sai Baba may have something in store for those who are riding the gravy train, so to speak.

And so the questions continue about these god-men and enlightened beings..........

On a more sensitive note, if you feel you would like to share a story that you may normally find difficult to talk about regarding seemingly enlightened beings, feel free to comment here (anonymous or otherwise).

#news #succession #celebrity news #latest news #the mandalorian

[embracingdiversity]

Striving for Equality: Navigating the Landscape of Gender Equity

We define gender equity as the fair treatment of women and men according to their respective needs. This may include equal treatment, or it may include treatment that is different but considered equivalent in terms of rights, benefits, obligations, and opportunities. Two guiding principles are at the core of gender equity: fairness and impartiality. Fairness has to do with just treatment without favoritism or prejudice, while impartiality is defined as treating all parties equally. Equity, in its simplest terms, means meeting communities where they are and allocating resources and opportunities as needed to create equal outcomes for all community members (find out more about the differences between equity and equality here). Gender equality does not mean that women and men will be treated the same; it means that women and men’s rights, responsibilities and opportunities will not be based upon their gender. Gender Equality may involve the use of temporary special measures to compensate for historical or systematic bias or discrimination. It refers to differential treatment that is fair and positively addresses a bias or disadvantage that is due to gender roles or norms or differences between the sexes.

Gender equity is important improves opportunities for all and allows people to pursue their dreams despite gender. By promoting gender equity, we can create a society that is inclusive and diverse, where everyone has an equal chance to succeed. Gender equity ensures that everyone is treated fairly and with respect, regardless of their gender identity. It helps to break down gender stereotypes and biases, which can limit people’s potential and prevent them fro achieving their goals.  Below are some several benefits of gender equity.

Work places a work environment that welcomes diversity of thought and is free from inequities improves life satisfaction for women and men.

Health care related to gender equity, because of the medical profession has favored the male anatomy in research and education.  Yet to this day, doctors are more likely to dismiss a woman’s physical pain as being mental, emotional or even suggest that the patient is a hypochondriac. 

Another crucial aspect where gender equity plays a significant role is in healthcare. Historically, medical research and have predominantly focused on the male anatomy, often neglecting the unique health needs and experiences of women. This bias has resulted in the women’s physical pain being dismissed or attributed to psychological factors, leading to delayed or inadequate medical treatment. By promoting gender equity in health care, medical professionals can address. These disparities and ensure that women receive the same level of care attention as men. This involves recognizing and addressing gender-based biases, providing comprehensive and gender sensitive healthcare services, and empowering women to make informed decisions about their own health. Women and men alike benefit from such inclusive workplaces, as they can freely express their ideas, contribute to decision making processes, and have equal access to career advancement opportunities. This not only job satisfaction but also promotes overall life satisfaction foe individuals, as they are able to pursue their professional aspirations without being hindered by gender based or discrimination.

Here are some examples of Gender Equity:

Economic independence

Freedom of clothing

Creation of job training programs for women in vulnerable situations

Implementation of educational programs for women, with an emphasis on an area where there is a gender gap, such as entrepreneurship, finance or technology

Eliminating gender stereotypes in advertising

Paternity leave, which allows parents to accompany their partners when they have had a baby

Legal protection and political voice

The right to vote of both sexes

Same job opportunities

Written by: Angel Eroa

Pubmat by: Angel Eroa

Reference

United Way of the National Capital Area. (2023, April 19). What is gender equity? Definition & Examples | United Way NCA - United Way NCA. United Way NCA. https://unitedwaynca.org/blog/what-is-gender-equity/

#advocacy #gender #equality #gender equality #blog #gender equity #equity

[iusedtobereal-blog]

I wanted to rant a little about the decline in intimacy. When I say intimacy I am referring to emotional vulnerability and openness as shown through conversation or touch. Trevor Noah discussed it a little. As hookup culture, toxic masculinity and loneliness have increased, the ability to freely experience intimacy has decreased.

This problem has not happened as much with women. Women tend to have deep friendships with other women. They also emotionally invest in their familial relationships. Their tendency to nurture and openly experience emotions makes intimacy easier for them.

Men on the other hand due to the above mentioned reasons can only experience intimacy through sexual or romantic relationships. This limited way of "acceptably" experiencing intimacy has helped add to the general decrease in mental health for men as a whole. At the same time, the solution is very simple, as long as men are willing to give up on the patriarchy which not only oppresses women but all genders.

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to tell your friends and family that you love them? Wouldn't it be calming to receive a warm hug? Wouldn't it be a relief to openly be able to talk about your feelings and struggles?

I just wish we could all feel our feelings and express them healthily without fear or apprehension.

#mental health #toxic masculinity #intimacy #friendship #feelings #loneliness

[viviangomez1]

Hysteria: Facts, Causes, symptoms, and Home Remedies Hysteria is a mental disorder that was once believed to be caused by the uterus moving around in women's bodies. This belief has long since been debunked, but the name hysteria has stuck. Today, we know that hysteria is actually a type of conversion disorder, which means that the symptoms are physical, not psychological. While the causes of conversion disorders are still not completely understood, there are certain factors that seem to play a role. In this post, we'll take a closer look at what hysteria is, what causes it, and some of the most common symptoms. We'll also discuss some home remedies that may help to relieve the symptoms. 1. What is Hysteria? Hysteria is a mental illness which occasionally misdiagnosed as a physical problem. This happens because it shows some physical symptoms such as paralysis of limbs, numbness or tickling sensation, headache and more severe symptoms like heart pain and unconsciousness. Ancient Greek physicians have described hysteria as “animal inside an animal” which means a hysterical person often complains that something is moving inside his body. 2. Important facts about hysteria disorder: The first thumb rule is that it is not a physical problem. There is nothing wrong either in the body or brain. Hysteria is normally known as female hysteria because it is more common in female than male. The overflow of emotions can lead to hysteria. It is mostly female related disorder but can happen to male also. Females with the age group of 18-25 years and menopausal age, which is 45-55 years, are more prone to it. It is most common with middle-class families and very much uncommon in hard-working poor families like farmer and laborer families It is much uncommon in developed countries. A Roman physician named Galen had produced the theory which states that hysteria is more common with virgin/saint or widow women. In today’s textbook, most of the hysterical symptoms are described as anxiety attack, schizophrenia, neurosis, depression, etc. 3. Causes of hysteria: It has been found that hysteria is more common in women rather than men. The reason behind it may be the male-dominated society. Due to the male domination, emotions or desires of females are not listened. So the outburst of these suppressed and ignored emotions cause hysteria. A sick person always able to find attention that’s why a suppressed and depressed women’s subconscious mind pretend to be sick for seeking attention. Hysteria is common with middle-class families because in a middle-class family women have to behave in certain ways. Women are not allowed to freely express their desires. Whereas women of extreme lower class and upper class have these freedoms. These boundaries of do’s and don’ts build negative pressure inside the body, which results in hysterical Symptoms. Again hysteria is common in saint or widow women because, in human society, sex is prohibited for them. Sexual desire is a natural desire of living being. That’s forceful sacrifice of sex due to social boundaries cause hysterical symptoms. Heredity: Although hysteria is not a hereditary disease but, nervous family background and faulty emotional training of young individual can lead towards future hysterical behavior. All the above causes if happen with the man, he can also suffer from hysteria too. Depressed, suppressed and virgin man due to rules and regulation forced by the society can suffer from hysteria. 4. Hysteria symptoms: Following symptoms, most of the time happens in between the crowd, family function and social gatherings. Unusual fatigue Faintness or unconsciousness, which usually happens in the crowd. Sudden, wild and painful cry Unusual laugh Headache/ backache Numbness of extremities Breathlessness Feeling that something is inside the body Dual personality, different personality usually arises during family functions.

Like possession with good or bad sprits. (devi aana, purvaj aana or bhut pret lagna) Mood swings and emotional instability Increased or decreased sexual desire Loss of appetite Insomnia Irritability A tendency to cause trouble 5. Mass hysteria: Other known term for mass hysteria is collective obsession behavior. It is a phenomenon where a large number of people of a society behave in a hysterical manner due to threat or rumor. In medical science, it refers to the same physical symptoms with psychological reasons more than one person at the same time. Phenomena of Mass hysteria are common from the ancient world to today’s world. It is often related to supernatural activities. Some famous mass hysteria cases are: Cat nun (15th century): Some nuns suddenly started to meow like a cat, eventually, other nuns also started meowing. This phenomenon ran from months and caused panic in church. Even some people related it with possession with the bad spirit. Nun bite (15th century): One nun start biting her companions, eventually, other nuns also start biting of other nuns. This phenomenon ran from days to months and spread all over Germany, Holland to Italy. Dancing plaque (15th century): Over 400 people starting dancing without taking rest. Some of them even died due to cardiac stroke, dehydration, and exhaustion. 6. Recent day’s cases of mass hysteria: Mumbai sweet water incidence (2006): Residents of Mumbai claimed that water of Mahim creek suddenly turned sweet. Most of the people claimed it the miracle of God. Hindu milk miracle (1995 -2001-2006): Hindu devotees believed that the statue of Ganesha is drinking milk. This rumor started from Mumbai based Sidhi Vinayak temple then spread all over India. Monkey man of Delhi (May 2001): Reports came from New Delhi that big monkey-like creature is attacking humans. Some people claimed that they have seen that monkey like creature. But the picture of big monkey never came on camera or print media. Cut of hair (chhoti kaatna) (June-July 2017): Lots of women complained some creature had cut their hair while sleeping. Rumor spread all over India. There are more than 200 cases of the haircut. 7. Hysteria treatment: Today’s hysteria is not a medical term. All the symptoms which collectively known as hysteria is treated with a different approach. In a broader spectrum, symptoms are divided into two types, one is dissociative disorder and other is somatoform disorder. Dissociative disorders are that type of psychological disorders which interrupt consciousness, identity, and memory. In common words, the dissociative disorder is where the person is confused with who is he, where he belongs and other things. Somatoform disorders are the type of psychological disorders which manifest physical problems without physical origins, such as chest pain, numbness in extremities etc. Medical treatment: Medical treatment of it depends upon the type of dissociative and somatoform disorder. Medication for depression, anxiety and hallucination also used. Psychotherapy: An Austrian psychotherapist Dr. Freud provided a theory that ‘simply talking to the patient and listening to them reduces the significant number of hysterical attack. He named it talking cure. This therapy is one of best psychotherapy method and still in practice with the name of “talk therapy”, in respect to Dr. Freud. Ayurveda treatment: Hysteria has been described as smarounmad in samhita. When vaat raj and tam causes a disturbance in manovahini strotas it leads towards unmad. Here raj is decoded as the root cause of anxiety and tam is behind the depression. Manovah strotas is the emotional and mental disturbance. So according to Ayurveda, hysteria is the expression of mental- emotional disturbance which causes due to depression and anxiety. Treatment according to Ayurveda is the mood enhancer, confidence buildup and emotional stability. 8. Home remedies for hysteria:

Honey: Honey is a good mood enhancer as well as provides maximum nutrition to the body. So make a habit of taking 2 spoons Honey with normal water in the morning. Lettuce (asparagus lettuce): Take 50 ml juice of lettuce for 30 days on empty stomach. It does not directly treat hysteria but detoxifies the body and provides nourishment. Basil: All types of basil provide mental relaxation. Smell of basil and tea of basil both causes mental relaxation. Indian ginseng: Ayurveda uses this drug for nourishment and weight building. Proper nourishment of body decreases anxiety. Indian snakeroot: It is anciently used to treat all types of mental condition. It decreases the mechanism of depression and causes sleep and relaxation. Conclusion: Hysteria is a mental disorder that can be quite debilitating for those who suffer from it. While the causes are still not completely understood, we do know that certain factors seem to play a role. If you or someone you know is suffering from hysteria, please seek help from a professional. There are many treatments available that can help lessen the symptoms and improve quality of life. Disclaimer: Above article is only for information purpose. Please consult your physician or contact us before using any herbal and ayurvedic medicine. Not all metal problems result with hysteria so do not get towards the conclusion by reading the above article. Please feel free to contact us for any quires. Your message, mobile number and email id will remain confidential. https://thehealthtalks.com/health/mental-health/hysteria-facts-causes-symptoms-and-home-remedies/?feed_id=579&_unique_id=62e4324810e80

[finelinevogue]

could you do some angsty smut please??

oh hell yeah we can. this is going to be 70srockstar!harry with roadie!y/n eekkkk! okay have fun;

Being the girlfriend of the most famous, golden boy rockstar was the craziest rollercoaster you’d ever ride.

For the past 6 months you’ve been touring with the one and only Harry Styles, living your life between helping on tour, drinking endless amounts of wine and smoking a hell of a lot of weed. The job had come past you at the perfect moment. Your dad happened to be best friends with the tour manager, Jeff Azoff, who’d spoken of their being a job opening for a roadie. You were employed to help set up the musical equipment and test out the instruments before the act went on at night, falling in love for the man you roadied for was just an add on. A beautiful bonus.

It was a lot more pressure being Harry’s girlfriend than people thought though. There was so much pressure to act a certain way and present yourself another way. Harry was so idolised and craved by millions and it put pressure on you to be a certain person for him. You loved him so much and you were so scared that he might one day realise that there was so much better than you - at least in your eyes. Someone extroverted. Someone musically talented. Someone who wasn’t a virgin.

Harry had never pressured you into anything sexual unless you were ready. Of course he was notorious for being an above star rating, when it came fo sex - thanks to all the articles published by the many men and women, sometimes both together, he had slept with. The sex reputation went hand-in-hand with his rock-n-roll aesthetic, so that part of him would never change. You’d only been with Harry for 4 of those 6 months, managing to fall for him very quickly, so you wondered just how he was coping without having had sex for that long. He usually had a different person each night to take backstage after his concert to play with how he wanted, hence how he built his reputation, but since you there had been no one.

Sex was such a big thing for Harry though, so you couldn’t help but feel like you were letting him down.

Currently, you were sat on his bed on the tour bus reading an article that had been published about your boyfriend last week. Your heart strings tugged as you read one section of the interview.

Interviewer: The new album, tell me about it.

Harry: It’s coming on slowly yeah. Just want this one to be perfect so, taking my time.

Interviewer: What would you say your biggest inspiration is for writing?

Harry: Changed on every project, to be honest man. Sometimes it’s about past relationships. Sometimes it’s about issues i’m going through. A lot of the time it’s about sex!

Interviewer: Yeah, dude, I have noticed that like every other song is about sex. Is that something you’re quite open about?

Harry: I think sex can be either something so beautiful or so passionate. Don’t believe in sad sex! But, um, yeah i’m always really honest lyrically when it comes to the songs about sex and I hope others see it as that too.

Interviewer: No it definitely does! Thanks Harry for your time and, um, keep on having sex so that third album breaks even more records!

Harry: Will do man!

It was easy to understand why you were upset. Harry’s biggest inspiration wasn’t possible for this album, because you were too nervous to let him have you. All of you. You felt a burden, as if you were holding him back from living his life and creating something so amazing. His past two albums had been such hits for songs such as ‘She’ and ‘Only Angel’, which were inspired by the intimate times with past lovers. There would only be sad songs if he wrote an album without any spice.

That’s why as soon as Harry came back on the bus, dressed in shorts and a shirt that was unbuttoned to see his toned chest, you jumped him and kissed him like your life depended on him. He was taken back by surprise, but welcomed your lips nevertheless.

Pulling back he mumbled some words against your lips, “Well this is a nice welcome back gift.” He chuckled at the eagerness of your lips and let his hands roam over your body - from your neck to your waist and over your ass. This man knew what he was doing.

“Harry?” You whispered, stopping your kiss and looking at his beautiful swollen red lips. He was a sight for sore eyes.

“Yeah baby?” He kept himself close to you and you could feel the stiffie that he’d developed pressing against your front.

“Can we… I’m.. If you…”

“What baby? Can tell me anything, y’know that.”

“Wanna have sex with you.” You told him the most simple virgin way ever, your face heating up when you saw him smirking down at you. You’d screwed yourself over here and were getting all shy and embarrassed about it.

“Hey, no. Don’t hide from me,” He drew your face back to his and kept his eyes on yours to provide you some familiar comfort, “you sure?”

“Mhm, yes.” You nodded affirmatively.

“It might hurt a little, okay? First time means that your cute little pussy is going to be really tight. Don’t even know whether you’ll be able to take me.” He taunted you, cupping his hands to your cheeks and brushing his thumbs carefully over your skin to ease your tension.

“I w-will.” You moused out, wanting to be this person for him.

“‘Course you can. You’re my best girl and I know you’ll fit perfectly for me, yeah?” He rhetorically asked pushing you back to the bed and letting you flop there. You watched him as he discarded his clothes, following his lead, until you were both naked in front of each other. You’d been this far before, but this time it felt different. It felt more lustful and exposed and nerve-wracking.

Harry bent down and started to kiss you from your belly upwards, leaving kisses everywhere until he reached your jaw where he bit more than he kisses. He loved seeing his marks being left behind on your skin, proving to everyone that you were his and his alone. His hands found comfort ins kneading and squeezing your breasts like dough, loving the way they were so soft and yet so hard beneath his warm hands. As he found your lips and divulged in your sweet tastes, you slunk your hand down and grabbed ahold of his cock, pumping him a few times to get him primed. You felt the trickles of pre-cum drip from his tip and it only excited you even more.

Taking your lead, Harry pushed one of his hands in between your bodies and started playing with your wet cunt, paying extra attention to your needy clit. He knew you loved it when his fingers got rough, so that’s exactly how he played. His tongue was battling against yours, whilst you both stimulated pleasure to one another. The wet and beautiful sounds filled the room, heightening your arousal - Harry could feel it too, his fingers becoming wetter with every circle and pump of his fingers.

“You ready, baby?” He asked carefully, plucking his lips away from yours with a wet sounding smack. You already looked fucked out and he had barely done anything to you yet.

“Y-yes.” You stumbled, so excited yet so nervous. You were finally going to give Harry what he had been missing for so long and you were also going to let yourself go, and divulge in something new and potentially life-changing.

He leant back and rubbed his own cock for a few strokes, before lining the tip of it with your opening. He teased your entrance, making you bite your lip in anticipation. He smiled down at you and mouthed the words ‘I love you’ without any sounds leaving his lips, before you did the same. The head of his cock started to push in, but you didn’t expect it to hurt as much as it did.

“Shit fuck, y’so tight baby. Need you to relax for me, okay?” He asked, pulling away so he could watch your body relax. You closed your eyes and took a deep breathe, reminding yourself that the best way to relax is not to think about the problem itself but oh how you’d feel when the problem’s fixed. You smiled and once Harry could see your shoulders un-tense, he, once again, pushed his cock into your opening. He hissed at the contact, obviously finding it so pleasurable even if it was only minimal contact, but you, you felt so much pain and soreness from absolutely nothing.

You couldn’t do this.

“It should just…” Harry tried a different angle, but your smile had disappeared and your whole range of emotions had resumed to flat and disappointed in yourself. “Maybe if I just..” Harry tried to hold your legs a little wider and guide his cock more firmly into your opening, but each time he couldn’t push past a certain point without your body rejecting him or your facial expressions telling him he should stop.

“St-stop Harry please.” You cried, bringing your hands up to cover your face as you let the tears flow freely. “Please stop.”

“O-okay. Just gonna…” And he slid out as much as he’d managed to get in, which was probably less than an inch. It hurt when he pulled away and your cunt felt like it was on fire. It stung and it didn’t feel right. You felt like a failure and an embarrassment.

You cried into your arms, letting harsh sobs take over your body. You chest felt tight and your eyes stung worse than your cunt did. God, you couldn’t even do one thing for him. You were the reason why he was having a hard time writing at the moment. You were the reason people would be disappointed to hear no sex inspired songs on the album. He might even have to use past experiences as inspiration, which made your heart curl with jealousy. You didn’t feel like you were enough for him, like you would ever be enough for him.

“I’m so sorry Harry,” You sat up from the bed, not wanting to look at him and his disappointed expression as he stay knelt on the bed - cock looking painfully hard still. You scrambled for your t-shirt and your joggers and then walked out of the room, across the bus’ narrow corridor, and into the bathroom.

You looked at yourself in then mirror and were disappointed at what, or who, you saw. Looking back at you was the person who couldn’t even have sex. You couldn’t give Harry what he deserved. You were a failure and it was stamped all over your body. You cried as you looked at yourself, until you couldn’t and you just slid down the wall and onto the floor. You wished for the Earth to just swallow you whole. You couldn’t stand being here when you were clearly broken and useless.

Harry would surely leave you for this. Why would he want to stay with someone who couldn’t even get their boyfriends dick in their pussy? Couldn’t give each other that pleasure? Harry had so many people in the past and surely with you gone he’d have so many people in the future. It would be selfish of you to stay. Harry had needs you completely appreciated that, but it would be just so difficult to let him go when he means so much to you.

There was a quiet knock at the door, which broke you from your cries and self-deprecating. “Y/N? Baby honey? Can I come in, please?”

“S-sorry. Yes of c-course.” You stood up quickly, thinking that he was wanting to be let in to go to the toilet or to have a cold shower go get rid of the hard-on that you’d put there. Too bad you couldn’t have taken it away.

You unlocked the door and shuffled past him, only for him to stop you. He shut the bathroom door behind him, leaving you both infinitely pressed together in the pathway on the bus. He had you pressed you up against the side of the wall and kept his arms at either side of you.

“Sweets—”

“Harry, please don’t say anything. I-I know what you’re thinking and—”

“Yeah? And what am I thinking?” He asked, not moving away from you. You held your cries the best you could and took a deep breathe to continue.

“I’m a disappointment. I-I i’m not good enough. I’m broken.” You choked out, knocking your head back against the wall from frustration.

“Stop it.” Harry ordered firmly, gripping your cheeks in his hands and forcing you to look at him. The look in his eyes was so hard to read, but he looked desperate and worried and hurt. You hated to think that you were the cause of any of those emotions. “Just stop.” Harry’s own eyes were starting to fill with tears too and you brought your own hand up to catch a few of them before they could fall.

“Don’t cry, please.” You begged, keeping your hand pressed to his cheek which he absolutely adored. He loved the feeling of your skin against his. He never wanted to not have it.

“Then don’t say things that hurt me, okay? Hearing you say those things about yourself absolutely breaks m’heart flower. Just because you were a bit too tight to take me today does not mean that you’re a disappointment or you’re a failure or that you’re not good enough. It hurts to think that you’d ever think I would think that, because - fuck -,” Harry pressed his forehead tight against yours and fanned his lips lips over yours. His closeness was everything. “I love you so much it scares me. My feelings for you are so strong and so real. I want your forever and something as trivial as sex is never going to make me want otherwise. Do you get that?”

“B-but the album?” You asked.

“What about the album?”

“I-in the recent magazine interview you said that sex is your biggest i-inspiration. I can’t be that for you.”

“Is that what this is all about? Because you think that my album isn’t coming together because i’m not having sex? Did you miss the part where I said I wanted this one to be perfect and I was taking m’time with it?”

“No.”

“Well I did say that, because it’s for you baby. The whole thing is going to be for you. Every melody. Every lyric. Every song. Just and all for you.” Both of you were silently crying now, absorbed in each others love and adoration for one another.

“I-I didn’t know.”

“Now you do. This album isn’t really for the charts or the awards. It’s for you, m’heart. I love you for a lot more than your body and its’ pleasures.”

“I’m sorry.” You whispered, taking all his words in and realising how irrationally you’d acted out afterwards.

“For what, sweetheart?”

“For even thinking that you’d be so shallow and cold-hearted.”

“You didn’t think that though, baby. I know you and so I know you didn’t. Your thoughts were based around your own insecurities, not to do with your small-thinking over me.” He explained to you, making you nod and kick your lips.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Well then we don’t deserve each other.”

“But i’ll keep you forever if you’d let me.”

“Looks like we’re together forever then, baby honey.”

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x y/n #harry styles fanfiction #finelinevogue #finelinevogue harry styles #harry blurb #harry oneshot #harry styles concept #ask finelinevogue #ask harry styles #anon response #anon #rockstar #harry styles rockstar #finelinevogue blurbs #finelinevogue masterlist #70s!harry #harry styles smut #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles first time #harry styles virgin reader

[mueritos]

so glad people are realizing these ideas of “rationality” or “logical arguments” (whether this applies to any sort of “discourse” but here I mean on the topic of transmedicalism”) are all rooted in white supremacy and the patriarchy. And I don’t mean using logic to discuss glucose cells or bouyancy, im talking about the concept that we must approach complex human issues in the most rational way possible to remove all biases. Transmeds like Kevin Garrage and Blaire Racist like to parade themselves as The Most Logical Trans people, even though all of their content is emotionally charged reactionary content that’s mostly seen in conservative spaces, and to make it worse, the content they make spreads harmful misinformation about marginalized communities.

Patricia Hill Collins’ “The Social Construction of Black Feminist Thought” sums up this violent separation of understanding and advocating for your own community in spaces of knowledge and discussion. I highly recommend reading her paper, because while she focuses on the self-knowledge of Black woman, a LOT of what she speaks about can be applied to other marginalized groups. BIPOC in fields of academia and discourse are forced to produce thought and knowledge under a system that advocates for knowledge by and for the dominant group (White/cis/het/abled-bodied/etc), therefore, when many marginalized people enter academic spaces with the goal of studying their community, they’re forced to separate themselves from their community to “reduce bias”, reduce the radicalization of their thought so as not to provoke the established dominant group’s structure of knowledge and thought, and also reducing the radicalization of their knowledge in order to even get published/funding. Collins writes it here best: “Since researchers have widely differing values, experiences, and emotions, genuine science is thought to be unattainable unless all human characteristics except rationality are eliminated from the research process”, and here “Emotion indicates that a speaker believes in the validity of an argument. Consider Ntozake Shange’s description of one of the goals of her work: ‘Our [Western] society allows people to be absolutely neurotic and totally out of touch with their feelings and everyone else’s feelings, and yet be very respectable. This, to me, is a travesty. . . I’m trying to change the idea of seeing emotions and intellect as distant faculties’.”

Transmedicalism is rooted in the idea that there is a sort of irrationality related to being trans. That there MUST be a logical reason for the way someone’s gender is the way it is, and if it is not the way transmedicalism dictates it should be, then it is wrong. Gender in itself is inherently irrational, it is a social construct upheld by white supremacy, the patriarchy, and colonization. Nothing about gender makes sense, we have all been socialized to believe it should be this way due to Western society pushing these ideals of what a man and a woman should be. Even globally you cannot find the exact same ideals or manurisms that we typically associate with men and women in the West.

Transmedicalism serves a purpose, and that is to take something that is as confusing and weird of questioning your gender and being transgender and reduce it down to something understandable. This is why you see the common experience of younger trans people or trans people who are just starting transitioning to fall into the transmed blackhole. The truth is, personal experiences with gender, with life, with society, with the self are all credible. Feelings and emotions DO have their place in academia and in life, and the idea that they don’t just contributes to the violent idea that we do not belong in these spaces of study. We are taught that our identities must be accommodated to the dominant culture, because if we truly let trans people exist as freely as we should, it would cause the dominant group’s power to begin to crumble. It’s also important to mention that even if feelings were disregarded when it comes to letting trans expression be free, trans people have existed for CENTURIES in nearly ALL PARTS OF THE WORLD and have been documented throughout history with complex gender structures, expression, and spiritual values (Two-Spirit, los Muxes, etc). History in itself is a fact, and by disregarding the historical identity of trans folks by assuming dysphoria is a byproduct of transness when it actually is a byproduct of colonization is further colonizing trans identities.

As trans people, we simply do not owe anyone an explanation for why we exist and why we do the things we do or why we express ourselves a certain why and why we use these words to describe our experience, etc and etc. Your experience is credible. Your feelings are credible. Your transness is real, and somebody else’s transness will never take away from your own. You do not owe cis people validation, you do not need to make your transness palatable to cis people, and you are not an embarrassment to the trans community for expressing your gender in a way transmeds do not understand. You are not the reason why transphobia exists, your transness is not ugly, weird, unnatural....

Your transness is your own, and that is what makes it wonderful. To transmeds: Kill the colonizer in your brain.

#trans stuff #lgbtq #lgbt #trans #transgender #anti transmed #anti truscum #transphobia #anti colonialism #anti bigotry #if anyone cant find the pdf to patricia hill collins' paper pls dm me i can send u it! #this post is a direct response to watching Brennan Beckwith and Ashton Daniels videos #as well as d angelo d wallaces' video on blaire white