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#medical research jobs near me
ccrpsorg · 1 year
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Medical Research Jobs
Medical research jobs provide individuals with the opportunity to make significant contributions to the advancement of medicine and healthcare. These positions involve conducting clinical trials, laboratory research, and analyzing data in order to develop new treatments for diseases. Working in medical research requires a high level of scientific knowledge, analytical skills, and critical thinking. Professionals in this field often collaborate with other researchers from different disciplines to conduct studies that aim to improve patient care and treatment options. Medical researchers also work closely with doctors, nurses, and other healthcare professionals so they can share their findings and better understand patient needs. With such a wide range of responsibilities, medical researchers play an essential role in driving innovation in the medical industry. The advancement of modern medicine is dependent on the insights that these professionals provide through their investigations. As such, medical research jobs offer ambitious individuals the chance to make a meaningful contribution to humanity’s ever-evolving knowledge of health and well-being.
Clinical Research Associate (CRA): Designs and implements clinical trials according to established protocols. Monitors the progress of trials and reports results to principal investigators. Salary range from $50,000 to $90,000 per year. CRA Certification through CCRPS requires completion of a 8-week course on research principles and methodology plus two years of experience in clinical research related activities such as site monitoring or data management.
Clinical Research Coordinator: This position involves coordinating the clinical aspects of research studies, such as collecting and organizing data, tracking recruitment of study participants, managing patient information, and monitoring research protocols. Salary range: $43,000 to $55,000 per year. Get CRC Certification through CCRPS: Certified Clinical Research Professional (CCRP).
Clinical Trials Manager (CTM): A Clinical Trials Manager is responsible for overseeing the entire clinical trial process from start to finish. They ensure the compliance of all study protocols while managing timelines and budgets. Salary range: $70,000-$90,000 per year; Certification through CCRPS: Certified Clinical Trial Manager (CCTM).
Medical Research Lab Technician: Responsible for performing laboratory tests according to established protocols in order to aid in medical research projects. Salary range: $35,000 to $45,000 per year. Certification through CCRPS: Certified Laboratory Technician (CLT).
Bioinformatics Scientist: Utilizes computer technology and statistical analysis in order to analyze biological data derived from experiments in medical research labs. Salary range: $75,000 to $100,000 per year Certification through CCRPS: Certified Bioinformatics Scientist (CBS).
Medical Writer: Writes and edits materials for clinical trials and other medical research projects, including study protocols and reports for publication or regulatory submission purposes. Salary range: $60,000 to $80,000 per year Certification through CCRPS: Certified Medical Writer (CMW).
Regulatory Affairs Manager: Manages the regulatory affairs process by ensuring that medical products adhere to applicable regulations throughout their development and commercialization phases. Salary range: $95,000 to $125,000 per year Certification through CCRPS for Certified Regulatory Affairs Manager (CARM)
Regulatory Affairs Specialist: Develops regulatory strategies for the submission of clinical trial applications to regulatory agencies, monitors global regulations governing clinical trial design and implementation and tracks changes in legislation affecting the development process of drugs, biologics or medical devices; coordinates communication between sponsors, investigators and regulatory authorities; prepares high-quality documents such as study protocols and amendments for submissions to regulatory bodies; participates in meetings with regulatory agencies worldwide; performs literature searches related to drug development topics; assists with ongoing maintenance of regulatory files as required by regulations. Salary range from $55,000 to $100,000 per year depending on experience level. Pharmacovigilance Certification through CCRPS requires completion of a 8-week course on research principles and methodology plus five years minimum experience in pharmaceutical industry or related fields with emphasis on Regulatory Affairs functions.
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aita for calling out someone for being manipulative towards a trans friend? Names have been changed for privacy reasons and TLDR at the end because this is long.
I (24f) am cis but have had a lot of trans friends (binary, nonbinary, and neopronoun) throughout the years and am very supportive so i take this very seriously. So I met this girl my first year in college (we were 18 at the time) and we became friends. We're polar opposites, she talks a lot and I don't, she parties a lot and I like to do more sophisticated things, she's a typical extrovert basically, and I'm more introverted. Anne (24f) was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I don't know when, she just told me this years ago. I've seen tiktoks about bpd and researched Google about bpd a little so I know all about how they have fave persons and will "mimic" people in the friend group and become clingy, manipulate, etc. I've seen pics of her in high school, noticed that she was a theater kid, she said she was good at acting and even said she thinks her bpd helped with her acting although I'm not sure how, but she said she only joined the theater club because a boy she had a crush on was in theater. That should've been my first red flag but I was naive. She has a degree in something else (not theater) because our second year in college her favorite character in a TV show did a certain job, she got interested in that, and now she also does that as a living. She doesn't talk about her bpd, she's only mentioned it a handful of times. I can count on one hand how many times. And I get it because she said someone once told her people with bpd should be sterilized and not be allowed near children. Which is really messed up and I hate that someone said that.
However on with the situation. One of our friends Mike (25m) is a trans man. We met him four years ago. He's very handsome, broody, introverted, intelligent, great listener, very accepting and understanding, similar to me but opposite to her. Now we didn't know he was trans until two years ago, because I asked him on a date and he turned me down, and when I asked why he told me that he was mostly T4T and only viewed me as a friend. We were like woah you're trans, okay that's cool, etc. He explained that he was lucky enough to get on puberty blockers and transition young etc which is why he passes. I said okay I'm not trans and you're mostly T4T fair enough.
Well last year Anne suddenly tells us that she is trans too. She says she's bigender. She says she is okay with either she her or he him because she feels like a man and a woman at the same time. Some days she's a woman, some days she's a man, and some days she's both, according to her. She says she does not like they them pronouns. Suddenly her and Mike are spending all this extra time together. Last month he confided in me that he thinks he's in love with her, after years of him only seeing her as a friend, and then they started officially dating.
Here's the problem: she has not changed her outward appearance, her name, started any kind of medical stuff, joined any groups, bought a binder etc. We all continue to call her she and her because she fully presents as female and doesn't have a problem with it. Also she's very effeminate in body language, the way she talks, etc. I know technically I could call her a he or a him, too, but she never asks me to or corrects people when they call her she because well technically she is a she too. Mike is the only one who uses he and him pronouns with her as often as she and her, but she has never thanked him. It really feels like she's saying she's trans and then going about her life exactly as a cis woman simply to convince Mike to date her.
First off, Anne and Mike are NOT compatible. She likes to party, smoke weed, talks a lot, I'm not sure how she graduated with such good grades or why she does so well in her job because she is honestly a LOT to handle and I'm saying that as nice as possible. Mike would never touch weed or go to clubs and he says he would be fine staying home while she does those things but how could you trust someone to party while high and not hook up with others? I've seen her make out with five people in one night at a frat party. They also had wildly different childhoods, such as she grew up in a conservative community and doesn't speak to her family, and he grew up in a liberal area and is close with his family. But more importantly she has a history of joining theater because she had a crush on someone in theater (plus she admits she is good at acting, so maybe she is acting now?) and getting a degree and job in a field because a favorite fictional character did that and now this? It feels like she was attracted to him, found out he usually dates other trans people, and found a way to continue being cis but claim to be trans without having to do anything trans related, basically mimicing her favorite person. As soon as they met they hit it off, or should I say she clung to him and pretended to have the same likes and dislikes whenever they were alone I assume.
It sounds terrible I know, which is why I discussed this with a group chat first that neither of them are in, and the group chat not only agreed that she is far too "obnoxious" for him (those were NOT my words!) but that she is faking being trans in an attempt to make him fall in love with her (which seems to be working.) I would NEVER have gone further without making sure with them first. So then a few of the people in my group chat and I held an intervention with Anne alone. The six of us (the others don't live close enough to come) met up with Anne at her place and told her what she was doing was wrong and gross and that she needed to get help for her bpd and to stop catfishing Mike. She didn't take well to what was said, which I anticipated, but she went crazy. She was screaming at us, insulting us, sobbing while yelling etc, literally said if we ever contacted her again she would call the cops, so we left.
I immediately called Mike before she could and asked him to meet me at a restaurant nearby and that it was very important. Since Mike doesn't know anyone in the group chat I went alone and I explained EVERYTHING before she could gaslight and manipulate him even further. He left, did not finish or pay for his food. I messaged him several times, but a few hours later he texted me to never to speak to him again, and then blocked me on everything. I showed up to his house and Anne was there. Mike said if I ever contacted him again he would get a restraining order on me so I left. I've discussed this with the group chat and now suddenly half of them changed their mind and don't want to talk about it anymore. Several of them left the group chat. Not only that but several of my friends who know either Mike or Anne or both have blocked me on everything. When I've tried to contact these friends through other means and explain everything, they either didn't respond or said for me never to contact them again because I was being transphobic. Listen I know under NORMAL circumstances you shouldn't question when someone comes out but this is NOT a normal situation, and now I am concerned Anne is unsafe for Mike but also an unsafe person to know, as she literally is trying to destroy my life because I called her out on some seriously messed up and abusive behavior.
TLDR am I the asshole for trying to protect my trans friend from a potential stalker?
What are these acronyms?
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bonny-kookoo · 7 months
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Jungkook x Reader/ Yoongi x Jimin
𝓢𝔀𝓮𝓮𝓽 𝓣𝓸𝓸𝓽𝓱 [Cream] 1/2
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Jimin and Yoongi share one major problem when it comes to you and Jungkook- they're not hybrids, which means there's things in life they can never fully understand. But that's what you've got each other now for. And he can't wait to get a taste.
Tags/Warnings: Human!Yoongi, Human!Jimin, Rottweiler hybrid!Jungkook, Cat hybrid!Reader, Enemies to friends to lovers, mentions of past trauma, some Yoonmin here and there oops, Main story focus are MC and Kook though, just hybrid things (scenting, grooming, biting, licking, scruffing, and more), hurt & comfort, heat, manhandling, smut, Dom!brat tamer!Kook, sub!brat!reader, Fluff, SFW in this but smut in the next, some Angst, hints at (sexual) abuse, MCs past somewhat revealed, lots of comfort though
Length: ~4.3k words
There is no taglist for this fic.
-> Masterlist
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Jungkook has to laugh a little as he watches you emerge from your room to presumably check out the smell of the soup, all bundled up in a giant burrito of blankets, tail barely poking out from the bottom between your legs.
The dog hybrid had managed to give you some fever medication, a soft laugh having escaped him as he realized that almost all the medication for you is more so branded towards kittens than actual adult feline hybrids- something Jimin explained was the only way you'd take any of it.
You're so terribly spoiled- but Jungkook can't blame him for doing so.
"M'sorry.." You slur, simply leaning your body against his, face buried in his chest as you rub your forehead against his clothes. "you were probably really.. excited.." You mumble, and he chuckles, a hand on your back- or more so all the blankets wrapped around you.
"Don't apologize." he reassures you, stirring the pot with soup on the stove before he turns off the heat. "I'm more worried about you than anything else. And I told you we wouldn't have to do anything anyways, so no issues there at all." He jokes, though you just stay in your position stubbornly.
Jungkook can really just assume what's happening to you- his internet research and general knowledge from his job offering him a few pieces to the puzzle here and there. It's clear that it's some sort of trauma response- but Jimin had told him that there's nothing documented that would explain why you sometimes fall into such a state during your heat, while other times, you'd be fine. Something Jungkook had found could be that your mind simply 'locked' any memory of something happening- making your body remember, but not your mind. It happens in some hybrids who'd suffered traumatic events in their pasts- and from the looks of it all, that might just be what's going on with you.
All Jungkook really wants however, is to make sure you're alright. He doesn't need to know your past- only your future matters, and he wants to paint it in colors nowhere near as sad as you sometimes look.
"Jungkook.?" You ask suddenly, voice muffled into the fabric of his sweater, and he hums, moving his hands to hold your face in his palms so you can look at him- which you don't do, averting your eyes from him. "Will you.. stay with me?" You ask, and before he can answer, you add on; "..even though I'm me?"
For a moment, he can only hear the clock in the kitchen ticking, his entire body frozen in place as he realizes what you're really asking him.
So he was right all along.
You're scared of being left alone, and he knew this already-
but he might've just figured out what happened to you in the past to cause your body to shut down every time you hit your heat.
Abandonment. Someone had just left you during you most vulnerable time.
"I'll stay with you forever if you want me to." He says, teasingly squishing your cheeks a little, making you pout at him with a playful glare. "No matter if you're sick, or if you're annoying, or if you're angry, or sad-" He rants, tail wagging when you start to smile. "-so stop worrying, and let me be your guard dog." He jokes, making you laugh, before you cough a little.
"You're an idiot!" You laugh, before he lifts you up, blankets and all, to sit you down on one of the kitchen chairs-
boldly pecking your cheek.
"Well, I'm your idiot now."
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"I'm going over-" Jimin suddenly says, Yoongi however reaching out to grab his wrist and hold him back.
"Park Jimin, my hybrid is currently busy spoon-feeding soup to your blanket burrito over there, she's fine." He sighs, before nodding over to the window, where Jimin can actually in fact see your legs happily kicking around on the chair, while Jungkook feeds you, most likely because you refuse to untangle yourself from the blanket. "Jimin, I have been wondering something. And I want you to be honest." He says, as the younger human sits back down. "Do you love her? Romantically?" He asks, and it's quiet for a moment, before Jimin shakes his head.
"When I brought her home, she refused to do anything for days." Jimin explains. "No eating, no drinking, no talking- she was like a wild animal rather than a mostly human being." he remembers, looking at the tabletop. "No one knows what actually went down in that home, since she doesn't remember, and the other two hybrids she was living with had been completely shut down last time I saw them." He recalls, and Yoongi listens intently. "As far as I know, she's the only one who ever recovered to a point where she's considered independent again."
"And now you keep seeing her back in that state, and it scares you so much you rather avoid any negative situation so she doesn't fall back." Yoongi finishes.
"At first, I was walking on eggshells around her." Jimin runs a hand over his face. "One step forward, two steps back. It was a constant push and pull." He explains. "One day she'd make amazing progress, and then the next she'd be back at square one just because I accidentally did something that would set her off. It was.. frustrating, as bad as it sounds."
"It's not a bad thing to admit that it was tough." Yoongi reassures. "It doesn't mean you demean her just by saying that she was a challenge. I can't imagine how hard it must've been to work through all of it on your own."
"I knew that at some point, she was using things to her advantage. She was using me-" He sighs, "-and I let her. Because I knew that she didn't do it because she was a bad person."
"She was just in survival mode." The older human agrees, and Jimin nods with glossy eyes, feeling relieved that his partner seems to understand.
"And at some point, it just became.. okay. I felt content being her punching bag if it meant she was getting better. So I let her bite, and scratch, and yell. It was fine." He nods to himself. "And then.. she changed. Became so soft." the younger human almost whispers. "I don't- you might not really believe it, but she can be so sweet. Once you push past all her nasty walls and all that acting tough, she's an angel. She really is."
"I mean, I've seen glimpses of it, here and there. So I believe you." Yoongi chuckles. "And I think I understand your feelings towards her too. You're.. similar to me and Jungkook, I guess." He shrugs. "It's more of a.. caretaker situation. I feel responsible, in a way, since I practically raised him through his teenage years. Every flaw he now has somewhat falls back onto me." He laughs to himself. "I love him. Not intimately, or romantically- just.."
"Just love." Jimin says, nodding. "Nothing else. Just pure affection."
"Exactly." Yoongi nods.
And for a moment, both of them just look at each other-
enjoying the feeling of knowing that finally, someone else seems to understand.
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Due to his job, Jungkook has become pretty good at recognizing behaviors and adjusting his own accordingly. And he realizes quickly that your body and your mind are terribly disconnected in one way or another- making it a bit tough to figure out how to place his steps to make you feel comfortable.
Your mind is clearly content, happy and relaxed around him. You're purring against his chest right now, belly filled with warm soup and fever slowly coming down little by little, giving you finally a chance at proper rest. Your body, however, is still on high alert- ears constantly moving, tail never staying still, muscles tense in case you need to escape from whatever might happen.
He's basically forced to work with two sides of you at the same time- and upsetting one, could send the other into a panic at any time, due to your heat.
But he's got an ace up his sleeve- he's just as much of a hybrid as you are. And he noticed some things that work very well on you already.
You've currently started to roll around next to him on the bed- uncaring if your blankets or pillows fall down. It's clear that you're starting to become comfortable again, to the point of your heat actually making you interested again. And it also brings out your personality once more- as you playfully bite after him whenever he tries to touch you. You clearly initiate every contact first- from bumping your head into his body, to actually laying over him and holding onto his arms. But the moment he moves towards you, you bite, kick, or push at him again- and he knows that it's your instincts kicking in.
Jungkook has had sex before. He's not innocent in the slightest, and yet, he's sure that once you're ready for that with him, you'll be able to give him something he's been missing in every experience he's had before;
something wild, and untamed.
"Stop biting me you gremlin." Jungkook laughs while he watches you dig your teeth into the skin of his forearm that you hold onto- though you're not breaking skin whatsoever. It's just a play-bite, and neither is he mad about it. "You wanna get up and eat something?" He asks, and you finally let go, roll onto your back, and huff.
"No." You whine. "But I'm hungry." You complain further, and he chuckles.
"So what is it then?" He wonders, and your tail smacks loudly onto the bed.
"I wanna eat!" You complain, arms crossed. "But here!" You say, and he shakes his head.
"You're not eating in bed." He denies. "Once your heat breaks through you'll spend enough time here." He tells you, and at that, you begin to squirm a bit uncomfortably. He's noticed it some time ago already, can only really assume the contents of your most recent dream you had while sleeping next to him-
he somehow hopes he was a part of it. Maybe even the main part of it.
He can sense that you're slowly breaking out of your fever, but you're not yet there- there's still a certain sense of distrust you seem to have, and he fully understands and respects that. After all, considering this will be your first heat and first sexual experience, there has to be some sort of anxiety within you. He can only imagine how intimidating everything must be to you.
"How do you feel?" He asks, carefully reaching out to run a hand over your naked shoulder- an action you now let happen, no longer in a playful mood than before. "Hm?" He asks when you just cringe and whine, slowly sitting up.
"Dunno.." You mumble. "Don't wanna.. do stuff yet though. Sorry." You say, when he moves around on the bed, now sitting on his heels in front of you, hands on your cheeks.
"I'm not here just to take advantage of you, or have my fun with your body." He explains to you in a serious manner. "I'm not here just to have sex with you and satisfy myself." He says. "I'm here because I want to take care of you, and because I want to help you."
"Yeah and like, help is gonna-" You start, but he shakes his head.
"Help is gonna be what it's gonna be. Even if you don't want any help in that department at all, I'll still stay if you want me to." He shrugs.
"I want that." You say, grabbing and holding onto his sweater, pulling it towards you. "You gotta stay. Or I'll get sad." You tell him, flopping down into your side on the bed, and he grins, leaning down towards you.
"And we don't want you being sad, right?" He hums lowly, making you nod softly, almost shy.
"If I get sad I won't let you see me naked." You boldly tell him, and he laughs, resting his face in the crook of your neck.
"Oh no, I better keep you happy then!" He dramatically exclaims, laying down next to you. "What does a poor dog gotta do to make the princess smile?" He wonders dramatically, and you grin playfully, rolling onto your back.
"He'd carry her to the kitchen and feed her." You sing, tail curling impishly around. "And then he'd probably have to cuddle her, and make sure she's never lonely." You explain.
He nods. "I think I can do that." He suddenly says, before he gets up to throw you over his shoulder.
"Hey!" You complain, and he laughs, testing the waters by playfully hitting your butt once as he walks out the door towards the kitchen.
"You wanted to be carried." He shrugs, laughing when he notices you suddenly becoming shy. "You never said how."
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"I lied." You suddenly say as Jungkook is back in bed with you, having you laid over his lap while he pets your ears. "I had sex before. Well-... kinda." You mumble, and his touch never stops.
"You wanna talk about it?" He asks casually, careful not to make you nervous. "It's fine if you don't want to."
"No, It's just-" you huff, visibly riled up by the topic. "I don't remember it well. Like, it's like a dream that you know you had but you forgot most of the details. I know I was bad, and I know it wasn't good. I remember that I was alone after, and that I was in the bathroom- I know that I slept in the bathtub, back at my old home, but I don't remember why. I just.. woke up there." You shrug, and Jungkook nods.
So it really is how he thought. Your mind has locked certain memories away to protect you- however, the trauma responses are still there, instincts unable to forget that easily.
"I guess that's why my heat is sometimes like that. I don't know.." you mumble. "..I don't know how to deal with this stuff. I'm not sure what you do and what you don't do during your heat.." you look someplace distant. "I'm broken. And I don't know how to fix me." You sigh.
"You're not broken at all." Jungkook shakes his head. "You're you. And I like you."
"You say that to get into my pants." You roll your eyes, and he laughs.
"I'm saying that because it's true. I don't want anything from you that you're not willing to give me." He shrugs.
"Then what if I don't want to have sex with you?" You ask, rolling onto your back to look at him. "What if I don't want you to touch me? Or if I'm mean? Or-"
"That won't change the fact that I like you." He says, shutting you up. You're so used to people only doing things so they can get something out of it for themselves, that Jungkook's words have become alien to you. He's just like Jimin, back then.
Intimidating, because his friendliness is just way too suspicious. But for now, you just go to sleep- taking a nap close to him, to maybe relax and sort out yourself and your situation for once.
Maybe.
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You're suddenly huffy yet again, hiding away from Jungkook underneath the blankets, and no amount of treats or praise seems to be able able to get you out from underneath them. He tries it all for a good while- offering your favorite foods, promising cuddles, even getting Jimin for you- but you refuse to come out and face him any longer.
He's not sure what happened after your little talk, but he's determined to find out.
"You can leave now!" You hiss underneath the heavy blanket, and he sighs, sitting cross-legged on the bed instead, not moving an inch. You're stubborn- but he's got the better patience of you both, so he decides to just wait it out for now, instead of getting you out underneath. He'd risk setting you off again- and he's not sure if he could handle the guilt of being the one to cause you distress. "Go away!" You yell again, but to no avail. He's not moving.
"Not until you tell me why." He responds to you calmly, and suddenly, your face pokes out the blanket, eyes red from crying, face clearly angry.
"I'm not in heat anymore, you can go now..!" You huff, and he tilts his head a bit confused, unsure what you're talking about.
"What do you mean?" He asks, and you just hide underneath the blanket again.
"I don't know, I'm just not anymore, so you can fuck off!" You growl, pulling the edges of the blanket close.
Jungkook thinks for a good moment. Maybe you're confused? You clearly still smell like you're in heat- more than ever, in fact, but your mind is pretty obviously not anymore, which doesn't make sense. And even if you weren't anymore, why do you suddenly seem to hate his presence?
"Do you think I only wanted you.. because you're in heat?" Jungkook wonders, tests the waters, and your silence tells him everything. He sighs loudly, and pulls on the blanket, easily overpowering you and taking away your hiding spot. And just as you try and get away, he pins you down instead by your wrists, leaning over you to look at you closely. "I want you when you're not in heat too. I want you whenever you want me." He tells you, and you look at him with wide open eyes.
"Why?" You ask.
"I don't think any explanation would really convince you." Jungkook says, looking at you. "Because you don't seem to understand that.. love and affection, that doesn't need anything else. Actual love isn't a giving and taking. It's not a transaction. You don't decide to love someone." He shrugs, before his hold on your hands loosens, arms rather wrapping around you to pick you up and hold your body against his, hugging you with his face in your shoulder. "Let me love you." He hums against your skin, and you don't know what to do for a good while.
He's right.
Love always comes with some responsibility for you- or at least it did, in the past. If someone loves you, you're obligated to return it in some way- you have to pay it back, somehow, no matter if it's not what you want, or if you don't love that person at all. Love always has some sort of hidden meaning. There's always a compensation wanted.
But Jungkook is like Jimin. He doesn't want anything from you- so what are you supposed to give?
Because compared to everyone who 'loved' you in the past, you actually want to pay him back. You want to return it. You want to be loved. But he doesn't want anything from you in return. What do you do now?
"What do you want from me?" You almost whisper, unsure. "I want to.. I don't know what to give you." You whimper, body shaking a little.
"I don't need anything from you." He chuckles, holding you a bit closer.
"You have to want something!" You call out in frustration. "I don't know what to give you in return- I wanna-.. I need to give you something, anything.." You stutter, and he realizes what you need.
"How about your love then?" He wonders, leaning back a little to look at you. "Please love me." He asks, a smile on his lips and tail happily wagging.
And for once in your life, never has a request been so easy to fulfill.
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'I'm not in heat anymore', is what you've said. In reality, you very much still are- and Jungkook realizes as you lift your behind up next to him with red cheeks, face hidden in the pillows in embarrassment, that you finally broke through. So if anything, you've never been so deeply in heat than right now.
You trust him enough to let yourself go, and leave your body in his care- instincts taking over as you whine in complaint next to him on the bed.
Before you went to sleep a few hours prior, he'd had a very in-depth talk about what's allowed to happen in this situation. How far he's allowed to go, what you think you'll enjoy and what you absolutely do not want, no matter how much your fogged up brain will ask for it. So he's empowered by a certain sense of confidence in his actions- and he's also more than excited to help you.
After all, you're his partner from now on. You're his princess- and he can't wait to mark you up as such, too.
He turns onto his side to watch you, as you slowly move around to roll on the bed and get your scent everywhere- dark spot on your underwear giving him an idea of the predicament you're in, inside of your legs already glistening with your slick, probably having started during your nap earlier. He can also see the underside of the base of your tail wet from having been pulled between your thighs in a pitiful attempt to somehow provide any sort of relief- which didn't work. And even your hand, which travels shamelessly underneath the fabric of your underwear, doesn't seem to help you at all.
The moment your eyes lock, he waits. He knows what you want, but he refuses to act on anything that's not your clear words. You're in heat, after all- not mute.
"Jungkook..!" You whine, rolling around once more before you kick after his legs- though he catches your ankle, holds it with a stern but playful look. You whine again, no words coming from you, as you try and pull your leg away.
"Words." He simply states, letting go of you before he moves one arm to rest behind his head, lazily watching you. "I can't read your mind." He shrugs.
"You can!" You hiss, sitting up. "You know!" You argue, and he's got the audacity to laugh at you. "Do something!"
"How about you beg a little and I think about it?" He teases, and he can see in seconds how your cheeks turn red.
"You're evil!" You hiss.
"And you're being a brat right now." He shrugs, looking at you, now sat up to glare at him. "Just a pretty little 'please' and I'll do whatever you'd like me to." He almost sings, very much aware that he's riling you up right now. He's studied you enough to know how far he can go. He'd never intentionally make you feel bad- especially not in a situation like this. But he also wants to have a little fun with you- you're just too easy to tease.
And so fun, too.
"Please~ do something then!" You huff, flopping onto your back, making him laugh- before he moves his arms, opening them, inviting you silently. He's not even gonna move for you- you have to come to him instead.
And so you do just that-
Giving yourself to him in a final display of trust.
And he's gonna make sure you'll know it's not being misplaced with him.
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gamchawizzy · 1 month
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❗️Mutual Aid Needed🦐
Hello hello, I am Woz, I am a trans guy from the global south, and outside of my day job in corporate, I am an artist. I am the breadwinner of my family, and I also get my younger sibling through school.
For a little more than half a decade I have been suffering with bad mental health and suicidal thoughts, on top of trying to keep my family afloat with what I can earn.
I work two jobs to earn money, on top of tabling at conventions to be able to earn extra on the side. I am the one who pays all the house bills, some groceries, often having to send money to my sibling for school and sometimes tuition. Due to the constant pressure from overworking and the abusive social environment I have been exposed to for the longest time, I am now experiencing bodily pains, shortness of breath, headaches, worsening eyesight, and worsened depression as I clock in 10-15 hours almost daily (including weekends and holidays) trying to make ends meet.
I’m humbly asking for your help so I can get proper healthcare, which has been out of my reach for the longest time due to poverty. I was hoping to be able to afford help a few years ago, as soon as I got a job, but ever since the pandemic, the local price hikes just kept going, and going, until the matter was off the table entirely. The biggest reason why I am trying to get this moving now and as urgently as possible is so I can still receive treatment while I am still mentally and physically able to take charge of my own health. 
While I’m still more or less able to function well enough to work, I recently escaped an abusive situation, which was one of the biggest causes of my misery. The fallout from this event brought on a severe impact on my mental health and I was subject to a cult-like shunning by my old community. This has caused me to develop suicidal thoughts again, which eventually led to several self-delete attempts, the latest of which almost succeeded had I not been caught at literally the last second.
At the moment I am stable again and in the hands of trusted loved ones, but I still do not have access to professional help and I don’t know how long this stability will last and the next thing might cause me to spiral again.
We already did some research on getting local help and have a plan in motion, all we need now is the funds to carry it out. The bulk of it will be for the initial consultations and possibly medication, and we’re hoping to have enough to get the ball rolling for a couple months’ worth of treatment as I get myself back on track.
The initial process will be the most expensive as I am suspecting to have an undiagnosed condition that I would like to have checked, as well as possible medication. I do not have a disability ID yet (but I plan on getting one once I get a dx on paper), so we may have to pay full price for initial treatments.
Currently, my primary goal for this would be to achieve psychiatric help, diagnosis, medication, and therapy.
If I’m able to save up for a few months of maintenance and still have extra left over, my secondary goal would be to finally get my knees checked, as I have chronic pain and the occasional kneecap dislocation in them. This has been left unchecked for more than 15 years due to both poverty as well as being outright denied healthcare by the adults around me due to them downplaying the problem. I am nearing my 30s soon. While I’m still able to walk and engage in physical activities without the use of mobility aids, I fear that the complications from this condition if left untreated will only take a turn for the worse as I age.
Direct ways to support me:
Paypal:
Ko-Fi:
I have prints! You can pick up some of my art here:
We do not have a set price goal in mind as it will be a months-long process of beginning treatment and maintaining it, but rest assured all funds received will be set aside for the purpose of my healthcare and well-being only.
I still cannot escape many factors of my life that continue to hurt me, but I am hoping that continuous treatment, therapy, and support will help keep me going so I can keep my family fed without me having to worry about my own health.
Any donation, big or small, helps me so much! Even just a dollar/peso helps, shares and reblogs too! PH Moots, feel free to ask for my GCash in private!
Thank you all for reading! I’m always grateful 😭🙏❤
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oasiswithmyg · 1 month
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Aranahe
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So’lek x Sarentu!Reader
Summary for this part: Etuwa, the tsahik of the Aranahe clan has invited you to her Hometree. You are determined to convince her father, the olo’eyktan, Ka’nat, to join the Resistance to fight against the RDA. But it seems to be a tough hill to climb. No worries, it seems you have gained a teacher for hunting.
Word count: 5K
A/N: I'm really sorry it took so long to post this part, I was sick for a week and half where I couldn't even get out of bed and go to work. Then when I finally got back to working, I got a big project to handle. I thought of posting this over the weekend. But I'll need to rest for a bit as my doctor told me, so I'll try my best to work on the next part as well!
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Although you were excited that Etuwa asked you to come by her Hometree, you felt the need to recharge yourself and head out with proper equipment and restock on your supplies. You decide the best thing to do is to head back to the base for now and possibly leave in a day or two for the Aranahe clan.
You also want to check up on the rest of the team and see how they're doing and reassure Priya, who has been contacting you through your radio, that you are indeed fine, albeit with a few bruises here and there, nothing much to worry about compared to the Resistance members that were hurt during the attack at the research field lab.
You can finally see the familiar sight of the base in the distance as you travel back, a sigh of relief escaping you, although the base is a bit cramped for Na’vis, it has become a safe haven to you throughout these times. However, you do not want to think about the other reason or Na’vi in this case of why you find the base calming. You sigh again, these thoughts about So’lek consuming you out of nowhere. You wonder if these thoughts about him are because he is a new member to your band of Na’vi, those who you have known your whole life or is this feeling and thoughts something more that you cannot describe.
You’re brought out of your thoughts when you hear the airlock door open with a hiss and head inside the base after waiting for the second door to open as well. Your head turns to look around for the bubbly human you have come to adore. You notice that a certain Na’vi is missing. So’lek must be finishing up some loose ends and is probably the reason why he’s not back yet.
You finally hear her voice near the comms as she seems to be explaining something excitedly to Anqa again, who looks to be back from her mission out in the field labs. Her hands move animatedly as she explains and she must see you in the corner of her eyes because the next thing you hear from her is, “Y/N!”.
You grin as you head over to Priya, smiling at Anqa as well, who smiles back at you and claims she has some work and heads out. You turn to look at Priya who seems to have a suspicious wide grin, as if she’s being mischievous and hiding something. You look at her curiously before deciding to ignore it for now. “Hi Priya, I got rid of the bad guys just like I said I would”. You state proudly.
“Thank you so much Y/N! Honestly I was worried that we wouldn’t get there in time but you really did save them, Alma and So’lek told me you fought really hard and amazingly!” priya tells you as you bend down to speak to her at equal eye level. You smile, feeling happy that Alma and especially So’lek were praising you for the job you did. However, before you could get any word in, Priya gasps, “Wait! I wanted to ask, are you hurt anywhere ? Do you need me anything to help you ? I see you have bruises, Oh god I’m gonna tell the medic team, you should really rest up !”
You stare at her in surprise, not sure what to say about all that but you know that you have to stop her from worrying again. You place a hand on her shoulder smiling gently, explaining to her in a calm manner, “I’m alright Priya, I promise. I made sure to take a Dapophet plant after the fight and don’t worry I will rest up.” You giggle at the relief in her face and continue, your heart warm from a human caring about you. You were always treated like freaks at TAP, “Thank you for worrying about me Priya, you are a really good friend”.
Priya grins at that, however it seems to be that mischievous grin again and lets out a secret that was supposed to be kept a secret, but Priya decided that playing matchmaker might be fun, “So’lek sounded really worried about you know? He radioed me and basically asked me to check up on you which I was already gonna do because we’re friends and that’s what friends do, but that’s like the first time he’s asked something like that, like ever! I also tried to ask him what’s going on-”. You don’t seem to hear the last of her sentence because you feel like your heart wants to jump out of your chest with how much it’s beating, your cheeks heat up again for honestly the nth time, So’lek being the main cause of all this.
To hear that he was worried for you and asked about you to Priya, who says that this kind of thing is a first for him? Your thoughts about him were already jumbled and yet here he does again with him not even being present! So’lek’s words were repeating in your head and even Priya can notice for the first time that you’re not listening to her and she just giggles feeling like she completed an important mission. If she thinks this is going the way it’s going, then she hopes that she can be the first one to say to So’lek something like I told you so.
“I think I will rest Priya, I will head out to the Aranhe clan in a day or two. Irayo (Thanks) for checking on me”, You say to her before you head out of the base, Priya waves a bye at you in response with a knowing smile and goes back to her work. You decide to head to the campfire under one of the base tunnels, where you figure that it would be a good place to rest up and you were also hoping to avoid So’lek as well, just so that you can clear your head for a bit.
As you rush out of the base to head to the campfire underneath it, your mind is swirling with thoughts on what Priya said again, sighing, you decide to remove your gear and eat a Rich Meat Roast. After all the fighting you definitely feel famished and exhausted. Maybe tomorrow you can talk with Nor again and see how he feels. You also feel like you need to talk to Teylan, you haven’t spoken to him much once you reached the base, maybe you can ask him some questions on tech the humans use, he usually gets so excited about them even though you much prefer the NA’vi way. Though some of the human contraptions do have their benefits
Although Teylan is not your brother by blood, you worry so much over him, not only with his fascination with human tech but also over the radio that Mercer gave to him. It seems that no matter what, Mercer would have some control over that boy, your little brother. You wish you could purge his mind about any fears of Pandora, of being a Na’vi. Maybe one day you and So’lek can talk with him
There you go again thinking about him, you sigh and just lay down, forcing your mind to just empty and sleep. You try to remember your sister humming the song of your people and it seems sleep comes to you at that moment, with one thought left before you do.
‘You would have loved Pandora Aha’ri’
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It’s been two days, you have finally rested and restocked all the materials you would need on your journey to the Aranahe clan. You feel nervous, you are so used to the Humans and So’lek at the resistance, that meeting Na’vi out in Pandora was something else. But it also lit a fire of excitement and determination in you, you hope to get them on your side in fighting the RDA for Pandora.
You gave farewell to your friends at the base and set out. It took you awhile to get there on foot, but you managed to get there without encountering much predators. As you were passing by you noticed, 3 Na’vi crouched and talking to each other, they looked at you in shock and started whispering furiously
“Is that…That looks like a Sarentu?”
“A Sarentu? The lost clan?”
“Look at the mark!”
“It must be something else. The Sarentu are long gone.”
“Ka’nat will want to know about this’
“Let them pass. Hometree’s scouts will see them soon enough.”
You hurry along, not sure what to feel from the encounter. It seems the shock of meeting a Sarentu might be the highlight of many of the Na’vi people. You can only hope that it is with Joy that your clan has been back to the people. You finally reach what seems like  the entrance to the Aranhe Hometree, there are three important looking Na’vi who look to be in a deep discussion. As you approach them closer, someone shouts from above.
“You! Stranger!” A Na’vi male comes flying down from an Ikra and lands while holding a bow aimed at you, he’s agitated as he continues talking, “I’ve not seen your kind before. What clan are you?”. One of the other female Na’vi who was having a discussion also aimed a bow at you, seeming to reply to the cautious Na’vi, “They look odd”. 
Well that’s just rude.
You decide to calm them by raising your hands in a surrender manner and explain the situation as the other two who were in the back walked closer to you, “Etuwa invited me here…to see her father.” The very important and regal Na’vi comes even closer to you, his features seeming similar to Etuwa. “What’s that on your face?” one of the Na’vi aiming an arrow at your face asked you. The Na'vi, who you think might be Etuwa’s father, makes the Na’vis point their bow at you to lower their guard with a shout, “It’s the mark of a Sarentu!”
He comes even closer, slowly circling your body, his gaze looking up and down at your form with slight disdain, “and yet, the Sarentu we once knew did not defy Eywa with scraps from the Sky people”. 
Ok you get his hate but this is just plain rude, It was honestly most of what you had during your time a tap and it helped you in battles. “It’s all I know.”. You wish that it was different, that you grew up with more of the Sarentu Na’vi in you, “They stole us when we were children.”
The Na’vi seem to agree with your statement with his own, “They have stolen many things. You were gone a long time. And you are young. Has your spirit been molded by the Sky people? Or do you remember the ways of your clan?” You are thankful that Nor isn’t there to hear this, because it made even you, feel doubtful of your connection to your people. Why did it hurt so much to hear such questions you did not know?
The other older female Na’vi, who has a yellow chest guard around her shoulders, looks like she’s had enough with the conversation, making hand motions of lowering and making a dismissing face to the guarded Na’vi, “Shoo, put that away”
She comes closer to you holding you by the shoulders, curiously gazing deep into your eyes, “Hmm. Sharp eyes. A Sarentu’s gaze. But yours is heavy” Her voice is gentle as she notices. She must see the pain in your eyes from the years stolen. She points to the Hometree as she holds you gently, “I am Nefika, let Hometree be a refuge from your burdens. We will put some color in your cheeks. Or clothes, at the very least.” she jokes in her last statement, making you feel lighter, you definitely like her a lot already. You can see through the corner of your eye that Ka’nat who you have determined, is still circling you. 
Nefika continues as she holds your hands gently, “You will pick up the threads of your people here. Oh,How I miss their stories.” As if struck by some nostalgia, she places her hand on Ka’nat, looking at him, remembering her past with the Sarentu, She looks back at you, “They loved our Silk Harvest. The sweet smell of dye, ma’ yawntu! (loved one)”
She goes quiet for a moment, thinking something over before deciding on it, she addresses the other Na’vi, “Ka’nat, let me take the Sarentu. The poor child knows nothing of our ways”.
Ka’nat looks you over again, as if deciding whether or not you are a threat to the Aranahe clan. He makes up his mind, “Go. we will speak more when you are settled.” 
Nefika, The kind older Na’vi who was speaking gently to you, beckons you over to the Hometree with a smile, while the Na’vi that were cautious, lower their guards with a smile and let you in.
“I really must speak more with Etuwa’s father. About the Resistance.”  you rush to get the words out, already feeling restless, like you should be doing something more about the situation at hand.
“Later, ma’yawntu. He is our olo’eyktan, our clan’s leader. Let us clean up a bit first. You would frighten the hide off an Angtsik looking like that.” She speaks and laughs in a jovial manner.  You like her nature a lot, her words making your body relax as you both walk through the Hometree. She continues, “Besides, I would not mention those Sky people if I were you. They are nothing but trouble, and Ka’nat does not like trouble.” You finally reach the main gathering area of the Hometree, making you look at it in awe, curiously looking over the intricate weaving done in the interior and the Na’vi gathered in the area.
You focus back to the conversation with Nefika as she addresses you while guiding  you through, “Let me show you off a bit instead, hmm? Will you allow me that? It has been an age since we had a Sarentu around here. Your people certainly made life more interesting”. Her voice then lowers in wonder as she recalls an old tale, “One time, they told us a tale about the rare mating rituals of the giant Zakru. Apparently, it can take days!” her tone joking as she laughs which makes you laugh as well, the tales of your people are not only informative but hilarious as well.
As she leads you through the area many Na’vi stand up in wonder looking at you, You smile shyly and nod at them in acknowledgement, not used to the wonder and awe in anyone’s gazes. You also look over at the beautiful colors that fill their home, maybe one day you can fill your own home with it too. Maybe with Na’vi at the Resistance base. You stopped and shocked your head, ridding of the thoughts making sure they do not fill your brain, before continuing on with Nefika.
“There will be more time to listen to their tales later. Our great tree has many stories, lived many lives, hosted your ancestors as our guests before you. And there was not one Sarentu who could not resist how our dyes dance.” she laughs, beckoning you over to a younger female Na’vi, “Come, see my weavers.”
There she introduces you to Koranu, who showcases you the latest silk, though Nefika informs you that it was not strongest as it once was due to the Kinglor’s flowers being closed, but that it was still stronger than Zakeru wool even with the Zeswa clan loving to brag. It seems Koranu will be the Na’vi you go to for any weavings that need to be done. 
Koranu felt relieved to have something to do other than the thing she was working on, it seemed that it was causing her a bit of stress. She was nice, you felt that she would provide the things you needed.
Nefika is delighted by the talks of the beauty of weaving, her tone appreciative, calling it a work of art. She leads you to a place that looks like the cooking area, she calls out to her friend Relun excitedly. They both seem to have a friendly banter with each other, with Nefika having her heart set on the ways of the silk and dye, while Relun says that the heart of Aranahe is taste. You giggle at their back and forth of teasing. You let Relun know that you’ll visit more to try his cooking, Relun seems happy about that.
Nefika takes you to meet one more Na’vi, who looks stern but her gaze kind, just hardened from the war perhaps, Kitangi. Nefika, talks about the grace that the Sarentu had possessed as they definitely knew how to dress. She wanted you to wear the weavings of the Aranahe, as they are strengthened with Sturmbeasts hide, that even if you are caught, she said jokingly that you would be hard to swallow.
Kitangi looks at you as if you were a baby that did not know anything, asking if you could even track and whatnot, not liking the answer you had given, asking if your ‘okay’ was enough for you. Nefika looks at Kitangi, bringing up a Na’vi’s name you do not know. “Eetu is on a hunt. I’m sure he will make a fine guide”.
Kitangi laughs at that, looking at you as if giving you a challenge, It makes you wanna prove yourself, “Indeed, if you can find him. There is a hunting camp near the water. Eetu will be there. But do not upset his hunt! He will not thank you for that”.
Nefika looks at you, her gaze gentle and teasing, shooing you on, “Go on, ma’yawntu. A respectful hunt will show Ka’nat you remember the ways of The People.”  You nod at her and head back to the gathering area of the Hometree to get your thoughts in order. There was so much you learned by just meeting so many Na’vi, you can only hope to learn much more.  Maybe this Eetu could be a great friend and teacher.
You decide to radio So’lek about the situation, feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything, knowing that his voice could soothe you, “So’lek, I made it to the Aranahe. You…weren’t wrong about them. But one of them took me in. Nefika. She thinks I can impress Ka’nat if I show him I can hunt properly”.
So’lek felt a bit annoyed that they were making you go on a hunt as the first thing, was it not enough that even though the Sarentu clan had been gone for so long, the fact that you have persevered through difficulties, especially being taken as a child by the RDA, to them ? He wished he was there to guide you. You could tell he was annoyed by the tone of his voice, “They sent you on a hunt? I should have shown you how myself”
“It’s okay. Nefika said one of their hunters might show me how. Eetu”. You replied quickly, not wanting him to feel bad. Although you would have loved to learn from So’lek itself, maybe making some friends might help you along the way on your journey.
Eetu. Eetu? The fearless, reckless and cocky hunter, Eetu, will be the one to teach you? So’lek was already annoyed, now hearing this tidbit of information just made him more frustrated. He really should have been the one to teach you how to hunt. A storm raged in his heart, a feeling he was not so quite used to ever. He felt jealous. Usually he would be able to calm down and think with a clear head, but it seems jealousy fueled his next words, “Hmm. Be careful Sarentu. You do not need to prove yourself to them. You are Sarentu, and Ka’nat should honor that. I have seen you as well Sarentu, you are nothing like those demons, you have a bleeding heart that cares and you are strong-willed. You do not need Eetu to teach you this. Do not ever think less of yourself. Come back to the HQ any time you like, all right? You are not alone. And there is much to do here”.
You think your heart might have stopped and suddenly start back out of nowhere hearing So’lek’s words. “Is this what he thought of me?”, you think to yourself, your body heating up at his tone, it sounded deep and tense. You don’t want to get ahead of yourself, but So’lek sounded jealous. He was jealous of this Eetu teaching you. You liked it.
“Irayo (Thanks) So’lek…I…I will remember that. I will come back to the HQ soon after the hunt, see you there”, you could not contain the shakiness in your voice, you wish you could see his face right now, what did he look like when he heard someone else teaching you. You cut the radio off and decide to find a corner within the Aranahe Hometree, where there were not too many Na’vi to cool down. Your body is too heated from the conversation. You sigh and wonder if this is a sign of some sort from Eywa. You pray to Eywa that maybe you could get through this and figure out what is going on inside your heart.
So’lek on the other end, felt heated for two reasons, his tail for the first time after so long started twitching fast, feeling agitated by what he heard. He had been out of the base, just scouting nearby the area.
One, how could Eetu be the one to teach you? He should have just told you to come back to the base and that he would have taught you himself, after all he has seen you fight. He has seen you.
Two, you voice at the end. It sounded shaky, but it felt like it was filled with something. Longing. He leans forward and rests his head against the tree and lets out a shuddering breath. Eywa was testing him. How could the great mother not, when the only thing he could ever think nowadays was of you, your curious mind and your loveable heart.
The only thing he can do for now, while waiting for you to come back to the base, is go over plans with Alma and finish off some of the RDA. He will decide what to do with you later.
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You decide to leave around time the sun starts to set, wanting to grab some of the flora that are pristine during the night to collect as your resources. You have decided to block your mind of So’lek for now. Otherwise, he would be the only occupant of your mind and you had to focus for now.
As you travel through the woods, it seems many of the Aranahe are spread out, living in groups. You reach the hunting camp at last, looking around you can hear an Ikran roar, your feet decide to head towards the sound, using your Na’vi senses, you can sense an Ikran and her rider, with a successful hunt, nearby . You wonder if the rider could be Eetu. You wander over to them, your eyes gazing at the Ikran up close. Even though you saw Etuwa’s, you did not get enough time to study her Ikran during the fight with the RDA.
The Na’vi, who could be Eetu, twitches his ears as he hears you come closer and stands up to greet you. You could not see it, but Eetu definitely felt shocked to see a Sarentu, having heard his family talk about the clan and their distinctive mark. He decides to hear you out. Not expecting the next words to come out of your mouth.
“Your Ikran is beautiful”, You are in awe of the rider’s ikran, she truly was beautiful. Eetu felt happy and proud hearing such words, as his Ikan is a part of him, just as he is a part of her, he decides he can boast a bit, “My Zomey. For her, no wind is too strong, no challenge too great. We hunt with heart, in harmony”. He smirks as he bows a bit, as his voice turns flirty and cocky as he continues, “Are you here to admire us? I would not fault you for that”.
You blush at that, more so surprised at his boldness than feeling shy. Not so used to anyone being this forward with you, you just laugh nervously and decide to let the Na’vi know that you are searching for someone, “No, I…I-I’m looking for Eetu.”
Eetu’s eyes brighten even more if possible as he grins, “My name has reached other clans! Even lost ones” his gaze on you mark as he utters the last line. Eetu’s voice turns teasing, chuckling as he rolls his eyes and asks, “Let me guess, Nefika sent you to me? She wants me to teach. Boring, I say! To be safe at Hometree telling the little ones of hunts, of adventure?” his voice turns slightly serious as he continues, “They would not understand. What does danger mean to those who have only known safety? Zomey and I tear through the skies  together, our hearts pounding. Our senses on fire. That rush makes us strong. Fearless! The best hunters”.
You are moved by Eetu’s words, to have such a bond with someone must be the greatest thing on Pandora. You could only imagine what it must feel like. Though he sounds reckless, you could tell his heart was in the right place. He would definitely make a great friend. “Nefika did say you were hunting sturmbeast. Can I join?” You ask him, hoping he would say yes.
Eetu hums, “Is that what you are after? Are you a good hunter?”, his eyes roam over you, judging whether you are a good hunter or not. His own senses tell him what he needs to know. You had the strength and heart, just not the technique.
You falter, hearing Eetu ask. Feeling a bit ashamed at never learning how, you then remember something, “Do not ever think less of yourself”. So’lek’s words give you the strength you need. You straighten up and reply, “I was never taught how, but I’m willing to learn no matter what”.
Eetu looks at you in disbelief, what do you mean you were never taught how? “Never taught how? What have your people been doing all these years? Did you find a land without hunting? A place where creatures lay down to die willingly?”, his words may seem rude, but you could tell he was just teasing you, you roll your eyes and smile, you could already tell he will be a fun and troublesome friend. His demeanor turns serious and gentle as he points to what seems like some sort of practice area, “See there? Young hunters practice on targets first. Practice. Or it will be the sturmbeast hunting you!”
Eetu gives you a bow, however this bow seems different compared to the bow that So’lek had given you. He tells you that it is a Heavy bow, meant to aim for far targets and their weak spots. You position yourself as you lift the bow and aim at the target, your body tense as you focus only on the target. Eetu sees you tensing and comes close, using his hands to place your hands where they need to be, he was quite close while doing so. Once he finds your stance satisfactory, he steps back. You let the arrow fly, your aim hitting true.
Eetu hums and jokingly says, “You can hit a static target at least. Come”, He takes you back to where you were before. “Not bad. At least your thanks will have meaning” he praises you, sensing the potential within you.
You are confused. What did he mean by that? You gaze at him in question, “My thanks?”.
Eetu chuckles thinking you are joking, but then he sees that you really are confused, his voice cannot hide the disbelief as he questions you, “Are you serious? What have your people been doing? What kind of life have you lived?”
“A terrible one”, you reply in your thoughts, while you reply something else to him, “It’s…a long story”.
“If I wanted to hear a long story I would be at home”. Eetu looks at you, making sure that you listen to his advice carefully, “Each time you hunt, you must take a life. And so you must thank your sister or brother for their gifts as they return to the Great Mother.” He decides to demonstrate how to do it, his body bending down at his hunt, moving a hand over it, while saying the words, “I See you. Your spirit goes to Eywa and your body stays to become part of the people. Thank you for these gifts”
Eetu gets up and looks at you, his gaze and words trying to convey how important this was, “This way, you let her ascend to the ancestors. Remember that. And do not waste the gifts you receive”.
You try to imprint the words bestowed by Eetu in your mind. If you want to be a true Na’vi, this is the way. But you were confused what gifts meant. “The gifts. Right.” You try to say it convincingly. Eetu just shakes his head at you exasperatedly, “The hide, the meat. Ah! Nefika will show you. Go on. You do not need me to hold your hand.” Eetu shoos you away.
You grin and decide to head out, feeling like heading back to the base first to meet a certain Na’vi then testing out your skills to hunt. “Thanks Eetu, you are a good teacher I suppose, but time will tell” you joke a bit with him. Eetu laughs, “and you might make a good friend and student,  Eylanay (acquaintance)”
You nod at him as you turn to leave, your pace turning quick at the thought of heading back to the base. It wasn’t because of him, you were probably just tired. Well whatever it was you could deal with it when the time comes.
You hope to make lots of friends as time goes on.
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∘ tsahik - Matriarch/Interpreter of Eywa.
∘ olo’eyktan - Clan leader.
∘ Eywa - Great mother, world spirit, Gaia.
∘ Ma - Generally means to refer to someone or address them.
∘ Yawntu - Loved one
∘ Eylanay - acquaintance
Thank you for reading! Let me know if you liked it! If you want to be tagged for the series, please give a comment or send me an ask !
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Taglist : @daydreamer246
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albertasunrise · 1 year
Text
Blind Truths - Part 1
Masterlist
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Summary: Up until now, you and Javi had a purely professional relationship. You work together and that is that. But, when Javi has an accident in the field, you’re forced to spend more time with him and truths are revealed.
Warnings: Like AO3, I chose to give none. This fic is not suitable for under 18’s... This will be in 2 parts.
Relationships: Javier Peña x Reader
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Up until that afternoon, your relationship with Javier Peña had been purely professional. You were a researcher of sorts for his department. The leads came in and it was your job to check their validity. You didn't see or speak to him outside of the office and you preferred it that way. After all, on your first day, you were warned about the Bogota Bachelor.
"You're pretty... He'll eat you right up." Said one of the CIA guys one morning as you poured your morning coffee.
You'd blushed at his comment. You had not been called pretty by anyone other than your parents and your high school bestie. So to be told by a complete stranger that you'd be desirable to the most desired man in the office gave you a real ego boost.
Only, he never made a move.
You were a little disappointed initially. You'd developed somewhat of a crush on the man but after two years of purely professional words shared, you managed to shake those feelings. He was nice enough to you. Would give you a sweet smile and bring you a coffee every now and then but that was as far as things ever went.
Fast forward to the present day and all that was about to change.
...
Steve panted as he stopped momentarily to catch his breath. He couldn't stop long, the guy was getting away so as he sprang back into action, he looked to his left and saw Javier sprinting along the adjoining rooftop. This had become a theme for them. Chasing Sicarios across rooftops. This time though, they'd both made the sensible decision to wear a vest. One too many times in recent months, they had almost taken a bullet.
They were closing in now and the guy knew it. The house ahead was a dead end. The only way out was down.
Steve leapt to the roof after the guy, his eye catching Javier doing the same and then he was stuck. Guns pointing at him from his front and rear.
"Manos arriba hijo de puta." (Hands up son of a bitch.) Javier growled but the man didn't move.
His shoulders sunk and rose with each heavy breath he took and for one painfully slow moment, everything was silent. Then in the blink of an eye, he pointed his weapon and fired. Time slowed as Steve watched Javier get knocked from his feet and fall from view. Steve's momentary lapse of attention was all the man needed to leap from view, down a fire escape and to safety.
"JAVI." Steve yelled upon realising their quarry had disappeared. He sprinted to the edge Peña had fallen from and saw the agent laying unconscious on a balcony below.
Steve didn't even think about leaping down onto the table that sat near Javier's prone form, the distance a lot less dangerous than what Javi had fallen. He then jumped down and fell to Javier's side. Worried hands fumbled about as he attempted to decern what his partner's injuries were.
"Javi... Javi, can you hear me?"
The agent didn't stir and Steve started to panic. He was careful not to move his partner too much. He was no medical expert but he knew that it was bad to move someone who'd fallen from a great height and looking up at the roof, Javier had fallen at least 7 feet straight onto his back. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a small pool of blood starting to develop under his partner's head. Steve knew that wasn't good.
...
You were watching the clock, eagerly waiting for twelve to come around so that you could take lunch. It had been a slow morning. Two sets of agents had been out in the field this morning and you were their port of call for any emergencies. It was only a small aspect of your job but it was the one you hated the most. Not because it was boring but because you dreaded someone calling in to tell you an agent was down but you knew that these things happened. These were dangerous times in a dangerous country.
"This is agent Murphy." His southern drawl came through the speaker, crackly but still clear and your stomach dropped as you picked up the headphones to answer.
"I hear you, Agent Murphy." You said, your name flowing down the waves as you fought to keep your voice steady.
"Agent down." Steve stated and you felt sick "Agent Peña has taken a gunshot to his vest." He continued and you breathed a sigh of relief "Fallen from a roof onto a hotel balcony. Sustained a serious head injury. I need medical assistance." He finished before rattling off the address.
The breath you'd managed to capture was ripped away from you again as you noted down everything that Steve told you. You were immediately on the phone after, calling for a medical evac and praying they got to them both quickly.
"Medical help is en route to you Agent." You stated, amazed that you had managed not to lose it completely.
Your relief came into the room a few minutes later and you were quick to dash to the bathroom and throw up the contents of your stomach. Perhaps you weren't cut out for this.
...
Steve balled his shirt up and pressed it hard onto the wound to the back of his partner's head. His hands were shaking so much. He couldn't believe that they were in this situation yet he also wasn't all that surprised. Since Escobar had escaped, the two of them had become desperate. Connie had left and Steve had grown more reckless so Javier had taken it upon himself to make sure the man was taking some sort of care of himself. Steve knew it was his time to return the favour. He needed to make sure that Javier made it out alive.
"You're gonna be okay brother." He muttered to his unconscious partner "You're gonna be fine." He promised and he hoped he was right.
He hated making promises he couldn't keep.
...
You'd been worried when your boss had called you into her office. You had wracked your brains for what you might have done wrong. You prided yourself in your work. You put your heart and soul into it, knowing you were helping to make a difference in Colombia. You wondered if it was because of the other day. When Simons had come to relieve you and you hadn't briefed him before leaving. He hadn't said anything to you but you didn't know him well enough to know whether he would have.
You knocked on the door and waited for a tick before being called in. You then stepped into Messina's office gingerly, taking the seat she motioned to and wringing your hands in your lap.
"So you're probably wondering why I called you in here." She started and you gave her a nervous nod "Well, I understand that you were a nurse for a few years before leaving to join the DEA as a Research Specialist."
"Yes, Ma'am." You replied "Turns out I didn't have the stomach for it." You joked and she gave you a small chuckle "What does that have to do with why you wanted to speak to me?" You asked and she gave you a small sigh as she sat back in her chair.
"We, as you know, Agent Peña was injured in action a few days ago." She started and you nodded "He sustained a nasty head injury that has left him temporarily blind."
"Blind?" You blanced and Messina nodded grimly.
"The doctors have assured us that his sight will return as the swelling goes down however he needs someone that we can trust to live with him for a few weeks whilst he recovers."
"Why me?" You asked, your stomach twisting a little as you awaited her response.
"Honestly?" She asked and you nodded "Between you and me, I need someone that he hasn't screwed and left high and dry." She chuckled and you swallowed thickly "I know you have a good working relationship with Peña and Murphy and we need someone that we can trust."
"Right." You replied, nodding grimly.
"You can say no." She stated, taking you by surprise "This isn't an order. Agent Murphy has offered to help him but we need him here and not babysitting Javier Peña."
"It's fine Boss." You replied, holding your hand up to stop her "I will be happy to help him." She gave you a nod and you took a shaky breath "What about my work?"
"Simons can pick up your workload for the time being." She replied plainly "Lord knows it's about time he pulled his weight around here." You snorted at that before looking at your boss in horror at your sudden outburst. Her response was a rambunctious laugh that brought a smile to your face.
"Did they say how long it would take for his sight to return?" You asked and Messina shrugged.
"The doctors said it's hard to say. Could return tomorrow, and could return next week. He's got a pretty nasty concussion. Suffering with dizziness, broke his arm and dislocated his shoulder also." She stated and you sucked in a breath "He was lucky really. Could have been a lot worse."
You nodded grimly and she gave you a reassuring smile.
"So he's going to need assistance with cooking meals, his medications, etc?" You asked and Messina nodded.
"I'm hoping we won't be without you for too long but I really appreciate your support."
You gave her a nod before getting to your feet. You weren't sure how this was going to go but you knew that you wanted to help. It was your tip that had sent Javier and Steve out into the field that day. You felt responsible for what had happened.
...
"I don't need a babysitter." Javier growled as he crossed his arms like a petulant child, only to wince at the pain that movement brought.
"Why isn't your arm strapped up as it should be?" Admonished Steve and Javier rolled his eyes.
"He's right Javier." You interjected "You should have it strapped to help it heal. Won't be much use to the DEA if you have a gammy arm."
"I'll be no use to them if I can't see" Javier grumbled and your brows drew together as you sat down beside him.
"Javier, your sight loss is temporary." You said softly and the man scoffed "You just need to have a little faith."
"Easy for you to say." He grumbled and you threw your hands up.
"Whatever, act like a child." You growled, taking both Javier and Steve by surprise "I am here to help you get better. You will let me strap your arm up. You will take your medication and you will do as you're told because I am here at the request of Messina and I will not let you make me look incapable."
"Yes ma'am." Replied the agents in unison and you smiled to yourself as you gave yourself a small nod.
You proceeded to strap Javier's arm up, give him his pills and cook him dinner. The agent grumbled here and there but otherwise, he remained quiet for the rest of the evening. He was silently grateful you were there. When he'd been released from the hospital, he'd worried about how he was going to get around. Waking up blind had been the most terrifying thing he'd ever experienced. The hardest part of this was when it came to getting ready for bed. You sat him on the edge of his bed before grabbing him a fresh t-shirt and some sweats for him to sleep in. You blushed when you pulled down the ones he'd been wearing, averting your eyes and desperately searching for a distraction from the fact he wasn't wearing underwear. The situation was no less embarrassing for Javier. Usually, he was confident around women but with you, he was shy and unsure.
He'd had a crush on you from day one. Something Steve had teased him about almost daily. For that reason, he had chosen to keep things professional between the two of you. He didn't want to taint you with his reputation. You were too good for that. So to now be stuck relying on you for everything had those feelings rushing back tenfold.
He allowed you to manoeuvre him how you needed. You slipped his legs into his sweats before lifting them up and letting him pull them over his hips. You helped him out of his sling, into the fresh t-shirt and back into his sling again. Giving his arm a gentle squeeze when you were done to let him know he could lay down.
"Thank you." He said softly as you made your way out of his room, stopping you in your tracks "I know I was acting like a jerk earlier but I really do appreciate your help."
"It's fine Javier." You replied, giving him a weak smile "Sleep." You finished before making your way out of his room.
...
You and Javier slipped into a routine with ease. His sight had yet to return but his other symptoms had eased off. He wasn't suffering from as many dizzy spells and the headaches had receded to dull intermittent pangs every now and then.
Despite the routine, Javier had grown more irritable the longer he was blind. You could understand why. He was completely reliant on you and that must have been hard for him. Javier Peńa hadn't needed to rely on anyone for years. Now all of a sudden he was rendered useless and vulnerable and he hated it.
"You didn't have to bring dinner, Steve." You said as you helped the blond dish up.
"Nonsense." Steve said as he waved you off "You've been babysitting Peña all day, least I can do. Heck, you deserve a night off."
"I may be blind but I'm not deaf," Javier grumbled as he felt his way to the kitchen table.
"Javier, I told you to wait and I'd come and get you." You scolded and he growled.
"You're not my fucking girlfriend." He snapped and you winced at his statement.
No, you weren't. You weren't pretty enough to earn that title.
"Don't be an asshole Javi." Steve warned, "She's just trying to help you."
"Yeah well, I don't need her fucking help." He snapped and that was it.
"Fine, you don't need my help... Serve yourself." You scoffed, grabbing your plate of food and heading for the table.
Javier was rendered speechless. Truth was, he did need your help. He needed it more than he cared to admit but he was tired of being unable to do things for himself. He blindly felt his way to where Steve was standing and cursed when he stuck his hand in his food. Steve smirked but otherwise remained silent as he watched his partner feel around for the cloth hanging by the sink. When he found it, he wiped his hands and then carefully felt for the edge of the plate. Grabbing it and lifting it carefully he blindly headed in the direction he believed his table was.
"Gonna eat that in the lobby Javi or?..." Steve trailed off and Javier stopped, hanging his head before turning back and giving both you and Steve a pleading look. You didn't budge but Steve did. He guided his partner to the table and helped him put his food down before grabbing his own and sitting beside him.
"Sorry," Javier grumbled before digging into the food that Steve had brought and you shared a look with Murphy before digging into your own meal.
The next few evenings followed a similar pattern. Javier was grumpy, you and Steve told him off and then he ate his dinner in silence as he sulked. You couldn't help but feel sorry for the man though. He was trapped inside his own head, unable to do anything but listen to you and Steve drone on about work or how he was getting on. You'd heard him sobbing one night when you had gotten up to use the bathroom. You could see that the longer he went without regaining his vision, the more he lost faith that he'd ever get it back.
The days merged into a week. You drove Javier to his check-up and sat patiently for him in the waiting room. You hoped for his sake that the doctor gave him some good news because he was growing more and more irritable as the days went by. He thanked you for your help but he was still short and snappy with you and Steve. Your patience was starting to wear thin and you weren't sure how much longer you could take it.
Your attention was grabbed by a nurse helping him walk back to you. You grabbed his arm and thanked her before steering him from the building and back towards the truck. He was silent the whole way back. You decided not to push a conversation and when you made it home, you helped him to the couch and proceeded to make him a coffee, knowing he'd want one.
Steve arriving later that afternoon would finally give you the answers you wanted.
"How'd the appointment go?" He asked as he opened a beer and handed it to his partner.
"Doc said the swellings going down and that my sight should return soon." Javier replied and both you and Steve shared a look before he asked what you were both wondering.
"So why are you so fucking miserable?" He asked and Javier growled.
"I'm not." He grumbled and you rolled your eyes.
"You've not said a word to me since we got back." You argued and Peña groaned.
"Don't have to talk to you." He snapped and that was the final straw.
"I'm done with this." You snarled before making your way to his spare room and grabbing your suitcase.
"Hey." Called out Steve as he sprinted after you "What are you doing?"
"I don't have to put up with this." You grumbled "I offered to help because I felt guilty for what happened to him. It was my tip that got him into this mess but I don't deserve to be treated like shit for it."
"This ain't your fault sweetheart." Steve stated as he grabbed your hand "I know he's being a miserable bastard but he needs you."
"He doesn't need me." You scoffed "Said so himself."
"You know he didn't mean that." Steve urged but you scoffed.
"Sure he did."
In the other room, Javier could hear your conversation and his guilt started to swallow him up. He knew that he had been a bit of an asshole lately but he hadn't realised that he'd been hurting you. He pushed himself to his feet. He had to talk to you and tell you he was sorry but as he straightened up, he suddenly felt off. This wasn't one of those dizzy spells he'd been suffering from or even head rush. No, this was something completely different.
"Please, don't do this." Steve pleaded "I can talk to him, get him to-"
Steve was stopped in his tracks by a thump and you rolled your eyes at him.
"Peña's obviously trying to prove he doesn't need me." You uttered as you shoved a few more items unceremoniously into your bag.
Steve let out a sigh before he jogged into the lounge, ready to berate Javier for getting himself into trouble again but what greeted him made his blood go cold. Javier was on the floor, eyes rolled back into his skull as his body writhed on the floor. Blood trickled from his mouth and from his temple and Steve screamed your name before dropping to his partner's side.
You were out in a flash and you choked on a breath when you were greeted by Javier seizing on the living room floor. You were at his side in a heartbeat, supporting his head as the seizure started to subside.
"Steve, call an ambulance and grab me a cloth." You ordered as you stroked Javier's hair.
The agent did what you asked, tossing you a cloth from the kitchen as he spoke to the operator on the phone. Javier was completely out of it. His already unseeing eyes darted around the room and you pulled him into your arms and held him as you pressed the cloth to his head wound, hoping it brought him some semblance of comfort.
"You're okay Javi." You said softly "You're going to be just fine." You repeated as you kissed the crown of his head and rocked him gently.
The ambulance arrived a short while later. You went with Javier and Steve followed in his truck and then you both waited together for news on his condition. Your stomach twisting into knots. You knew as you waited, that you couldn't leave him. Not now.
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This morning I picked up my paper copy of the New York Times and I was greeted by an extremely graphic article about rape as warfare in Israel/Palestine on the front page. I put the paper down, but it got me thinking about the value of reading about violence. When is reading these testimonies bearing witness to history, and when is it masochism? How do you discern between productive discomfort and unnecessary anguish?
I don't expect you to have the answer to these because they are such immense questions and also things vary from person to person, but I am interested to hear your thoughts on the issue as a historian who is outspoken about the effects of secondhand trauma through genocide research. My degree isn't in history, but I'm an aspiring museum professional (if the job market isn't too cruel, lol. I'm open to other careers but I'm passionate about weaving archival materials into public storytelling so *gestures vaguely*). I also have a really thin skin. I tend to avoid graphic depictions/descriptions of violence, but sometimes I wonder what I'm missing by avoiding that.
Anyway! Feel free to answer this privately, publicly, or not at all if you're swamped with other things. Thank you for running such an informative and interesting blog!
Hi! Sorry this was buried in my inbox.
It's a good question, and I'm not sure how to answer it in regard to contemporary, ongoing events, vs. history. I do think that the 24/7 news cycle has exposed us all to an amount of suffering and stressful information that we're not like...designed to be able to handle.
So I'm going to answer you like a museum professional, and use that shared language. Back in 2009/10 I was a Collections Management Intern at the 9/11 Memorial and Museum. This was before it opened to the public. While I was mostly cataloging, the staff was great about letting us listen on on ongoing higher level conversations.
I'm putting the rest of this under a cut, for reason which will be clear when you read what's under said cut.
Now, two of the (imo) most traumatic aspects of the history of that day, is 1) the photographs and footage of people who jumped from above the impact zones; and 2) the audio from phone calls and voicemails made from inside the planes, inside the towers, etc.
The museum handled those by making them optional. You want to listen to the last thing a woman in an office above the impact zone will say to her child? Ok. You have to make the choice to pick up audio mechanism, and press play. You want to watch footage of people jumping to their deaths to avoid burning to death? You have to make the specific choice to walk into a cordoned off vestibule, and view that material.
If you choose not to listen, or watch, you're not ignoring those histories or refusing to bear witness. You're fully cognizant of the fact that they happened, and you're simply choosing not to expose yourself to traumatic content. Bearing witness doesn't mean traumatizing yourself for the sake of bearing witness, you know?
I think it's enough to know that certain horrific things happened. Going that next step, looking at them, that's not necessary, and can't be rushed. When I was in undergrad I chose to focus on Ancient Near Eastern History as opposed to WW2 and the Holocaust because I know I wasn't ready to look too closely. I wasn't even really ready in grad school. It's really in the last 5/6 years that I've been able to do it. And I still don't think I'll ever be able to engage with detailed material about medical experimentation. But I know it happened. I know it was horrifying, and that's enough.
So, back to news media. I didn't see/read that article, but what I can say is that I appreciate when newspapers decline to put certain kinds of images on the front pages, and give the reader the option to look or not to look. I also appreciate when you're reading articles online, and you have to click multiple times to explicitly consent to view disturbing images.
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djarrex · 10 months
Text
heartbeat
Captain Rex x f!reader
masterlist | read on ao3
Rex hears his baby's heartbeat for the first time.
pregnant!reader. dad Rex. this is so soft, y'all. there's also brief mentions of Rex feeling guilty, but overall, this is just a fluffy, self-indulgent fic. about 1.2k words.
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When you come out from your room after changing into something more loose-fitting and comfortable, you see the new at-home fetal doppler device laying on the kitchen table just outside the box it came in, and Rex is sitting there with his face buried in the little instructions foldable that came with it. Ever the researcher, Rex more than likely has read every word since opening it, whereas you would have just skimmed to what looked most important. Or, rather, you would've looked at the pictures, using the visuals as the sole model. A hand on your belly, you let out a light laugh, making Rex look up from what appeared to be pretty intense reading.
“Tricky piece of hardware?” you tease.
“I like to be thorough,” he points out matter-of-factly. “Wanna make sure I do this right to get the best results.”
You plop onto the couch, the creak of the springs doing the tortuous job of reminding you of your changing body. “What’d you find out?”
Rex follows you over. “Well, we want to make sure we're not confusing your heartbeat with the baby's. There are a few other things we may hear too, like the movement of your placenta or arteries.” He pauses, placing a pillow at the very end of the couch and motioning for you to lay on your back. “You still have a full bladder, right?”
You scoff. “Yes. Remember you scolded me a couple hours ago into drinking all of that water at lunch, and then told me afterwards to not use the bathroom?”
“It was for a reason, love,” he reminds you with a teasing smile, lifting your shirt up to the slope of your belly. “A full bladder helps push your uterus out of the pelvic cavity, that way the fetal heartbeat is more easily detected.”
“Wow. You really did do your research. I like it when you talk medical to me.”
Rex chuckles at that and squirts a copious amount of lotion on your belly, rubbing it in gentle circles. “I’ve already verified the device is functional and sterilized the probe face.”
You bite your lip to hold back a laugh. “You used it to check your own heartbeat first, didn’t you?”
“Maybe,” he replies cheekily, deliberately avoiding your eyes with the response. “You ready, love?”
“Let’s hear what this little bean's got.”
Rex clicks the receiver on, a device that’s small enough to fit in his hand. A display lights up with a little beep, a flatline and a zero sitting stagnant. A cylindrical probe is held in Rex's other hand, and as he rests the face of it against your lotioned belly, you suck in a breath of air. Your own heartbeat thumps in your ears as you watch the focus creasing in Rex's handsome features. He’s moving the probe so slowly, so particularly, that you know he’s searching for something specific that he had to have read in his research. His hand turns the probe so that the face changes angles, starting low near your pubic bone up towards your navel then back down again.
This is a moment the two of you have waited for, for a while.
The beginning of this journey was rough, the first several weeks being nothing but bedridden illness and nausea that lasted longer than just the mornings. You stayed at home, too drained and lacking any energy to do necessary things, like go shopping or cook. A lot of days included you ordering food to be delivered, and groceries as well. It was hard to not have Rex there by your side, to help with things that would normally be a breeze for you – and you know he feels guilty for that, even though both of you are more than understanding that it isn't his fault. Still, in the odd hours of the night when he actually was able to contact you to check in only added to his needless guilt, upset with himself that he was never there laying beside you to rub your back or retrieve whatever it was that you required.
You’re a little more than a few months into this pregnancy and you’re not under any impression that Rex’s schedule will miraculously change to you and your unborn child’s benefit, but moments like this one now make it all worth it.
The quick thrumming of the baby’s heartbeat comes out muffled through the handheld over the whooshing waves in the background, the beats monitored on the display. The sound fills you with warmth and you laugh in astonishment, a choked sound as tears fill your eyes. Your hand clasps over your mouth and you look to Rex, who looks completely entranced and in awe – but there’s something else in those warm eyes of his.
The hand covering your mouth instead finds his wrist, fingers gently enclosing around it. His eyes are positively glowing as he watches himself slowly and carefully run the probe face in steady circles around a specific part of your protruding belly. Rex remains extremely silent, lips twitching in the most miniscule of movements as he concentrates.
An overwhelming sense of pride floods into Rex. He can’t believe he created this. Life – natural life. A clone soldier, a man bred for nothing more than to be fodder in battle, created life from love. It’s just beneath this device, growing in the womb of the one he loves. For the very first time he can hear it, the beating heart of it a flicker of sound that he’ll surely remember forever. The shame and guilt that he constantly feels for rarely being present to support you flees him in this moment, replaced with the overriding feelings of promise and joy.
You already know the answer to your impending question, but you want to hear Rex's voice, to prompt him after being silent since switching on the doppler.
“This is our baby’s heartbeat, what we’re hearing?”
Rex clears his throat, using the back of the hand that’s holding the receiver to wipe at the unshed tears in his eyes. “Yes. Yes, it is.” Eyes shimmering, he looks up at you, offering up the devices. "You wanna try?"
You nod, taking both devices from his hands and quickly placing the probe back where Rex just had it. It takes you a few tries to find it, but then the rapid little heartbeat is coming back to life once again.
"It's perfect," you say softly with admiration. "A perfect little heartbeat."
Rex's head lowers then, his forehead meeting your belly. He inhales and exhales shakily.
"Are you okay, Rex?"
When he looks up at you, a tear is streaming down his cheek. "More than okay. I'm so happy."
You laugh through a sudden sob just as Rex goes to kneel closer to you. He kisses you gently, a smile forming on his lips against yours. He folds his hands over your own and the two of you stay like that, foreheads pressed together and hands holding the doppler as one, the sound of your baby's heartbeat filling the room. It's just the three of you here and now, everything on the outside forgotten in this moment.
-
@pinkiemme @twistedstitcher27 @wild-karrde @rain-on-kamino @ner-runi @literallydontlook @rexxdjarin @rowansparrow @burningfieldof-clover @commander-sunshine
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apushforfolly · 1 year
Text
The Voice of the World
Part 4 (Here's Part 3)
Photo submitted by @cutestabber
Alex begins mopping the floor of their apartment after cleaning up the dishes left by his roommate, Darren. Alex just assumed that Darren already left for his morning workout since there was the used blender jar left in the sink. They've been living together ever since college as roommates and when they graduated, Darren asked Alex if they could share Alex's apartment since he's unemployed and still figuring out what to do. Alex works as a medical engineer as part of the Research and Development department of their multi-billion medical device company. Having a job like this is a dream come true for Alex and it pays generously as well. He was able to afford to buy an apartment near his company and pay for his Doctorate. When Darren reached out to him, he immediately agreed and was happy to share his apartment with his college roommate again.
Alex had always treated Darren special since he was the only straight friend that he had in college. Most of his straight male classmates avoided him like a plague, thinking that his homosexuality will be rubbed off them if they hang out with him, but Darren was different. Darren always asks Alex for help whenever he's struggling with his studies. Alex never understood why Darren took Business Administration as his major if he was bad at math but was happy to help either way. Alex knew from the very beginning that he loves Darren but he didn't want to ruin their friendship by confessing his feelings since Darren is busy fucking around with every girl at the university. He learned to keep his feelings down and treats Darren like a brother that he never had. So when Darren called him that night, saying that he was looking for a place to crash in since he got fired from his modeling gig, Alex was only ecstatic to welcome him.
Alex doesn't mind paying the bills since he understands that Darren isn't able to support himself and Alex's job pays more than he needs anyways. He even pays for Darren's gym membership which Alex sees as a good investment in Darren's career as a model. He even introduces Darren to his friends who work in the industry to allow his friend to be known. Though when Alex refers Darren to modeling gigs, Darren would decline to say that he's not comfortable when a gay guy takes his pics. Darren would follow up by saying that only Alex is the gay guy that he knows that he doesn't feel uncomfortable with. Alex appreciated it and continued to provide for Darren's needs for almost a year now. As Alex continues to mop the floor from Darren's shoe stains, Darren opens the door.
"Hey man! Isn't today supposed to be your rest day?" Darren asks as he looks at Alex's sweaty face.
"Yeah, it is. I just figured that I can clean up the place, you know?" Alex says in a cheerful tone.
"Do you have plans for tonight? You know, young adults like us should go out there and mingle with others. Maybe tonight will be your lucky night." Darren teases Alex for being a 27-year-old virgin.
"I don't know. I don't think someone would be interested in me. I think I'll just tinker with my latest project in my room tonight." Alex frowns as he continues to mop.
"C'mon man. You never go out or meet new friends. I would hang out with you if I can but you know I don't swing that way, right? Besides, you should hang out with people whose interests are the same as you." Darren says as he walks past Alex and sits on the swivel swivel chair.
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"Yeah, you're right. I'll go later. Are you going to be okay here for the night? Do you want me to prepare dinner before I leave?" Alex asks.
"Don't worry about me. I'm a big boy. I can handle myself. You should finish mopping the floor and prepare your look for the night." Darren says as he starts Alex's Xbox.
Alex finishes up his chores and goes to his room to check on his device before going out. He's currently developing a subdermal chip that when implanted on the person's nape, can monitor the person's hormone levels and help stabilize their hormones by sending signals to the organ responsible for that specific hormone production. His design amazed everyone in his department and was granted permission to work in his apartment using the company's resources. Alex believes that his device will help everyone suffering from hormonal imbalance and enable them to enjoy their lives unaffected by this condition. Alex loads up his program and starts uploading them to his prototype before hitting the showers.
When the clock strikes 6 pm, Alex decides to take his leave and try to socialize with people in a bar nearby. He goes out of his room and knocks on Darren's door 3 times before opening it. He sees a shirtless Darren flexing in front of his laptop, seemingly talking to someone on the other line. Darren looks up at him surprised.
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"Hey man! You're leaving?" Darren asks as he looks at Alex with his hand still behind his back.
"Yeah, I'll be going now. Lock the door before you sleep. I have my keys with me." Alex says as he closes the door and proceeds to go to the bar.
Alex orders a gin and tonic as he sits at the bar and listens to the music. He never understands how other people can do this kind of thing for the sake of having fun. He never enjoyed drinking as he gets somber when drunk. Back in college, he sometimes finds himself sitting on the floor as he talks about his perspective on nihilism as his drunk audience develops their existential crisis. After that party, everyone agrees that Alex shouldn't be invited to any party since he's a bummer. In time, everyone just ignored him and excluded him whenever there was an event. Alex is a cheerful and loving person normally but for some reason, he becomes this dark, almost suicidal person who takes the fun out of everything he sees.
After spending some time drinking alone in the bar, Alex decides to leave early and just work on his project just as he originally planned to. Once he arrived at his apartment, he was surprised that Darren is nowhere to be found. He knocked on his door but Darren didn't respond so Alex assumed that his roommate might be asleep. He locks himself in his room and puts on a headset to play his playlist while testing out his prototype. Alex starts running simulations to see how his device would respond to certain hormone fluctuations. Time passes by as Alex zones in on his project when a loud thud calls his attention. He removes his headset and hears something rummaging in his living room. Darren is already asleep and he's not the type to make a ruckus like that even if he's messy. Alex assumes that they're being robbed and proceeds to fetch a tranq gun he's been hiding in his closet. He slowly opens his door and sees a woman standing on his sofa. He decides to apprehend the intruder but is interrupted when he hears Darren's voice.
"Damn, I never knew you're fine as hell. Your Tinder profile picture is really an understatement." Alex hears Darren's deep baritone voice speaking seductively.
"Hmm, I don't want to oversell myself unlike you, 9-inchmonstrosity." The woman replies.
"Ow baby, stating a fact is not overselling." Darren flirts back.
"I guess I would like to find out if that's true." The woman replies as she comes down from the sofa and kneels.
"You're not kidding when you say that this is a monstrosity." The woman exclaims.
"Take only what you can take, babe. I'll be gentle with you." Darren responds.
"Won't your boyfriend catch us?" The woman asks.
"First, just my roommate, not a fag. Second, he's out for the night hunting dicks. Guy's been a virgin all his life and is looking for some action." Darren says.
"Oh? Doesn't living here for free entitles him to a free blowjob every now and then?" The woman jokes.
"Gross. I would never let that faggot near my dick. I won't mind him looking but the moment he comes near my dick, I would beat the shit out of him." Darren explains.
"Wouldn't that be a problem given your current living arrangement?" The woman asks.
"I got him on the hooks. He'll believe everything that I say in a heartbeat. Dude's been whipped with me ever since college." Darren explains.
"Hot." The woman says as he leans down and kisses Darren.
"I just stay here since everything's free but once I secured a stable modeling job, I'm out of here. Just being near that faggot makes me sick but I can't decline the freebies." Darren continues as they start making out.
Alex grips his mouth as he covers it with his hand to avoid making a noise. Tears start flowing down his eyes as Darren's words obliterate his heart like a railgun. Even as he tried repressing his feelings all these years, hearing those words coming out of Darren's mouth pains Alex like he never felt before. He slowly closes his door and walks back to his seat, trying to continue his work but unable to stop his tears from falling. He carefully puts his tranq gun down on his desk while his hand shakes violently. Alex couldn't believe that Darren said those words about him. He treated him like a brother and even repressed his feelings because he respects Darren's sexuality and doesn't want to end their friendship. He closes his eyes and proceeds to cry silently, careful not to make a noise. He felt so stupid and naive for thinking that Darren was actually his friend all this time.
Alex starts recalling every memory they had together and finally sees it without the rose-colored lens. He remembers how Darren confessed to him that he still wants to be friends with Alex but he doesn't want to hang out in public since his friends won't like the idea of Darren hanging out with someone like Alex. He remembers how those favors with his assignments are just an excuse for Darren to have him do Darren's homework while he parties every night. Alex remembers how Darren coincidentally bumps into him in a coffee shop near his office to catch up and starts narrating about how hard it was to be in the modeling industry. Alex now sees the reality that Darren has been treating him like shit ever since they met but he didn't notice it because he's in love with him. Alex grips his chest and cries even more as the truth finally reveals itself to him. That Darren is nothing more than a scumbag that has taken advantage of him from the moment that they met.
Alex looks at his tranq gun and thinks about opening his door and shooting Darren and his slut. His gun has enough bullets to render the two of them unconscious for how long Alex needs them to be. He stands up and holds his gun as he contemplates his next step when he hears Darren's door opening followed by footsteps walking inside the room. Alex presses his ears on the wall and hears both Darren and his slut moaning from pleasure. Alex tries his best but is unable to stop his tears from streaming down once again. He slowly walks to his bed and hugs his body pillow, crying from the frustration of hearing Darren having the night of his life through the walls. Alex wants to rage and shout but he knows that doing so will result in nothing. He needs to accept the fact that people like Darren will continue to trample on his feelings just because he's an easy target. A sad gay guy who can't even confess his true feelings to anyone and avoid confrontation to preserve whatever relationship he has left.
---------------------------------------------------
"Why does it hurt you so much?"
"I don't know. I never felt like this before. I thought he was my friend."
"So what are you going to do now?"
"I don't know. I want him to feel my pain but I don't know how. Even if I hurt Darren, I could never be friends with him again. Knowing that he only uses me for his convenience, I would want him to know how it felt to be exploited and to be used."
"That's easy. Are you sure that's what you want?"
"Not just that. I want everyone who takes advantage of people's feelings for them to know what it feels like. I want them to know that there's a consequence for their actions."
"Hmm, that can be tricky. You see, granting that kind of wish can lead to me turning you into an omnipresent and omnipotent being, which the universe will not tolerate. However, if you'll be the one judging the situation and reprimanding those you deem guilty, that would be fine. I just need to give you the tool to do so."
"I'm working on a hormone-detecting chip. Will that help?"
"Hmm, I can give you the schematics to improve your device to fulfill your desired outcome. You can just manufacture additional receivers if you need more. I also need to modify your mental faculties to be able to handle controlling millions of human minds. That way, you can choose the subject of your judgment and control them however you want."
"That would be wonderful. Thanks for the idea. Though this is just a dream, I'm happy to know that there is a higher power watching over us."
"Dreams are the only place where I can interact with humans. If I appear in front of you in the waking world, your mind won't be able to comprehend my form. Except for you now since I enhanced your mental capability. I hope we can meet each other sometime."
"You mean you're not part of my dream? Are you for real?" Are you really going to grant my wish?"
"Oh mortal, reality is just a construct that I can bend at will. Your lifetime is just a speck compared to my existence. I just find it entertaining to establish a connection with some of you if I get bored. For some lucky few, like you, I made their dreams come true."
"Are you a god?"
"I am far from what you call a god. I am beyond that. But for now, you need to wake up. Learning more about me will cause some irreparable damage to your consciousness. All of your questions will be answered when you wake up. For now, have everything that your heart desires. Show me the strength of your soul and make me believe that not all mortals are worthless."
---------------------------------------------------
The light shines through my window as I slowly open my eyes. I can still feel the crusted tears on my face as I stretch my arms and yawn. As soon as I rub my eyes, memories of my dream start flowing into my mind like a detailed PowerPoint presentation. It shows me the schematics for the tool that he mentioned to me as well as the controller for it. I immediately hop out of my bed and start working on the device. My stomach rumbles and my headaches but I resolve to myself that I will not stop until I'm done. Hours have passed and I continue doing what I need to do. I was able to complete the controller and around 10 receivers before deciding to take a break. I look outside my window and it seems that the day has passed by without me noticing. I picked up the auto-injectible device and placed the exit point to my right temple. I click the injector and the controller immediately invades my brain and connects with my mind.
Inside my eyes, an AR interface displays any nearby receivers available within a hundred-mile radius. It will connect my consciousness to a chosen receiver and seamlessly integrate my thoughts into the subject. He or she will think like it was his or her thoughts without any knowledge of external forces directing their actions or thinking. This will be my judgment for those who toy with human emotion and take advantage of human vulnerability. I tap on my right temple and the receivers immediately start hovering above my desk. I'm amazed by the feeling of making an object move with my mind but I know for a fact that it can do more than that. I press my ear on the wall between mine and Darren's room. It seems like he's not there.
I stand up and walk outside my room as my stomach starts rumbling from hunger. I walk toward the kitchen and start searching for something to eat. The sink is full of dishes and the counter is full of stains. I order the receivers to go back to my pocket as I decide to clean up the mess. After I'm done, I grab a bowl of cereal and go to the living room to wait for Darren. Surprisingly, he's sitting down on the balcony as he smokes his vape and listens to his phone with his earphones. It seems like he noticed me when I turned the TV on and immediately removed his earphone.
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"Hey man! How was yesterday? I never heard you come in. Did you got lucky?" Darren asks as he smirks at me.
"Actually, I came home earlier than you. I heard everything, Darren." I said to him with a stoic face.
"Oh, yeah, I invited this girl over since I can't leave the house." He says as he tries to look away from me.
"Yeah, I bet you two had fun talking shit about me, huh? I guess my freebies are just too tempting for you to force yourself not to puke every time you're with me." I said as I take a spoonful of cereal without taking my eyes off him.
"Look, Alex. That's not what I meant. It's just difficult for me to accept the fact that I still can't support myself at my age. You're my friend, you being a fairy doesn't change that." Darren replies.
"Oh, I see. I should feel sorry for you now, isn't it? I should feel sorry for the asshole who thinks he got me whipped ever since college, right? I should believe everything that you say because you got me hooked, right?" I said with a sarcastic tone.
Darren is stumped by what I said that he tries to speak for a couple of times but is unable to respond.
"Oh what now, too sickened by my homosexuality that you can't speak? You know what, since you mentioned moving out, why not do it now? Pack your things and go. If you're not gone in the morning, suffer the consequences." Alex says as he still wants to give Darren a chance to own his mistakes and part with him now.
"I don't have time for this. Talk to me when you're not acting crazy." Darren scoffs as he walks into his room avoiding my eyes.
"You know, Darren, I really thought that you were a good man. Until now, I actually hoped that you'll be able to get your act together and land a respectful acting career. Now I realized that you'll never get your shit together because you never planned to do so. You're like a parasite that will always rely on others to survive. I just hope that whomever you'll attach yourself next time will be able to tolerate you long enough." I said as he stopped in his tracks, clearly pissed by what I'd said.
"Fuck you, Alex. If it wasn't for me, your guts would have painted the school grounds when we were sophomores. You never know how much the others teased me just because I was hanging out with a faggot like you. I'm the only one keeping your bullies from beating you up. You should be grateful that I stuck with you." Darren shouts as he pushes me from my seat.
"Of course, you will stop them, I'm the one who does your homework and projects! I even learned about international trade laws just to write your thesis! You have no idea how much I did for you just so you can graduate." I shout back.
"I never asked for your help, Faggot! You're the one who wants to do all those things because you think you have a shot with me." Darren laughs.
"OMG, how conceited you are! You never stopped bitching about how busy you are and have no time for your homework. You would even knock on my door at 2 a.m. because the deadline is due. You're a fucking baby inside of a man's body." I say.
"Uh-huh, do you think I didn't notice how you stared at my body? Bro, you're fucking drooling! My friends always joked about how you will crawl on top of me in my sleep because you're a fucking virgin pervert. You know what, fuck this. I would gladly move out of this apartment rather than stay here and be gawked at every fucking day." Darren says as he slams the door to his room.
I sigh as I felt a little relieved that I don't have to use my device on Darren. I just hope that I'll never see him again after this. I don't know if I can stop myself from exacting my vengeance on him if that happened. I went back to my room and decided to wait until tomorrow if Darren will move out. I tap my right temple and instruct the receivers to go back to my desk. I closed my eyes and immediately fell asleep.
A loud thumping sound woke me up and I felt my room being shaken by the loud music. I rush out of my room only to find Darren with his slut, dancing in the living room in their underwear, reeking of alcohol and weeds. I ran to the speakers and pulled the plug which definitely caught their attention.
"What the fuck? That song was awesome!" The slut shouts.
I roll my eyes and ignore her before looking at Darren who's walking up to me with a drunken look.
"You what? I've decided that I'll be staying here, for good. I don't care if you own this house and I don't care if you want me out. From now on, you have to make me." Darren said to me as he pushes me aside and plugs the speaker back on.
Both of them continue dancing, ignoring me like I wasn't in the room. By now, my fuse finally snaps as I angrily tap my right temple. Immediately, the receivers flew out of my room and gather above my head. I instruct one of them to fly to the slut and inject itself into the back of her neck. The slut reacts by screaming in pain and rubbing her nape. Within just a second, her interface appears in front of me. I take over her mind and make her pee and shit herself before gathering her clothes and bolting out of the apartment. Darren just stands there, confused and surprised at what he just witnessed. I stand up and unplug the speaker once again, which makes Darren look at me with anger and proceed to choke me with his right hand.
"You think you can stand up to me? Me?! I'll show you your place, faggot." Darren shouts at me as I tap my right temple again and instruct one of the receivers to plug itself in his exposed nape.
Darren shouts from the pain as he lets go of his grip on my neck and kneels in front of me. I immediately take control of his interface and make him look directly into my eyes while he remains kneeling.
"I gave you a chance to go away but you're just too stupid and conceited that you didn't think I have the means to put you down. For the record, it's your choice to continue living here, not mine. I hope you will enjoy the consequences of your choice." I said to him as I rub my neck.
"What the hell? What have you done to me?" Darren asks.
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"I control you now, Darren. From every nerve running inside your body to every organ that keeps you alive." I said to him as I kneel down to meet his eyes on the same level.
"Fuck you! I will get out of this. And once I do, I'll make sure you'll never walk again." Darren threatens as he tries his best to move his body but is unable to do so.
"Let's see how that will go. Now, I want you to experience what it feels like to be used. How it feels to be so vulnerable and helpless in the face of your tormentor. How it feels to be taken advantage of for your weakness and be exploited by your close friend. For me to do that, I need to create some modifications here." I say as I tap his forehead.
"I want to watch as your body acts in service of me while your mind is trapped inside it. I'll make you wish that you should have moved out when I told you to." I continue as I watch the horror on Darren's face, realizing that he can't stop whatever is about to happen.
I tap his interface and start working on the modifications. I watch his eyes as it slowly loses their focus and becomes two lifeless orbs. My eyes started tearing up as I knew that deep in my heart, I wished that we could resolve our differences. That he will apologize to me and ask if we could start over. That someday, he will fall in love with me the same way that I fell for him. But those are just hopeful thinking. Reality is much more cruel and unbearable when you think like that. With this tool in my hand, I will try to make this reality a little better and more understandable.
---------------------------------------------------
I hold Darren's hand as we walk to the elevator and hit the button to the 21st floor. As soon as the door closes, Darren reaches for my face and plants a gentle kiss on my lips.
"Thanks for showing up at my show, Babe. I know you're busy and I appreciate you taking the time to support me." Darren says as he looks into my eyes with adoration.
"Of course, Babe. You know that I'll always be here for you." I reply he kisses my lips once more before the elevator door opens.
We walk back to our apartment and I watch his bubble butt bounce as he walks. He opens the door and pulls me to his chest for a kiss. As soon as I close the door, Darren's face becomes blank and he starts stripping out of his clothes. He looks at me as he waits for my instructions before he can move on his own.
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"Hmmm, you did a great job at the fashion show today, Darren. I guess I could give you 1 minute to surface." I said as I tapped his interface, letting the real Darren take control.
He immediately looks at me with a horrified face as he stumbles back on the floor and starts crying like a child.
"Please, Alex, please! I beg you! Let me go!! I don't want to be a faggot!" Darren shouts as I smirk.
"Oh? But you said that you like how my dick stretched out your hole yesterday? I thought you might want to be fucked again since you're so horny on our drive back." I tease him.
"You made me do it! You made me act like a faggot! I don't want it! I fucking hate you!" Darren shouts as he continues to cry.
"You fucking hate me? Good, I want you to. I want to see how you suffer inside your mind as your body enjoys every single thing that I do. I can make you believe that you're gay your whole life but where's the justice in that? I want you to be disgusted by how you enjoy doing the things you despise. My my, how time does fly. I guess it's time for you to be a dog now." I say as Darren's face becomes filled with disgust and repulsion.
"Please, not the dog! Not the do-!" He shouts as I immediately activate his dog mode.
His body flops on the floor face down, like a puppet cut off from its strings. He then starts shaking his ass as his arms and legs start twitching before he stands on all fours and looks up at me with his tongue out. Darren starts panting like a dog while a bright smile is plastered on his face. I snapped my finger and told him to sit which he immediately obeyed. I rub his hair as I praise him for being a good boy.
"Come here, Darren. Sit on my lap." I said as I sat on the couch with Darren jumping on my lap and curling his huge frame to rest his head on my legs.
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I open the TV and watch the news while I stroke Darren's hair. His phone rings so I reach into his pants and fetch his phone from his pocket. I looked at the number and saw that it was not registered. I asked Darren if he recognized the number but he just barked at me. I laugh as I sometimes forget that his brain automatically turns into a dog once dog mode is activated.
"Hello?" I ask as I rub Darren's abs which causes him to jerk his leg and have an erection.
"Darren?" The man on the other asks.
"No, this is his boyfriend. Who are you?" I ask.
"Wait, Darren's gay now?"
"Who's this?" I annoyingly ask.
"I'm Joey, his brother. Can I speak with my little bro?" The man demands.
I pass the phone to Darren, who's still in his dog mode, and let him talk to his brother. I laugh as he barks in response to his brother's voice, making his brother a little confused. I tapped on Darren's interface and took control of his mind as I put the phone on speaker.
"Bro, are you fucking serious? I need to talk to you." Joey says.
"Just messing you, man. What's up?" I reply using Darren.
"I'm not joking, dipshit! I need to tell you something important. You barking like a fucking dog doesn't help." Joey explains.
"My bad. So what's up?"
"Well, I think since you have a boyfriend now, I can finally say it. Remember, Dave, my best friend in college? He's getting married in Singapore and he wants me to be his best man. I accepted his invitation and I thought that it might also be the perfect time for me to propose to Robert. I need you to come with me to Singapore and help me with my proposal." Joey says.
"Anything for my big bro. When do you want to do it?"
"A week before the wedding. I really appreciate it, Darren. After I came out, you just stopped talking to me so I never expected that you'll agree. Thank you so much, lil bro." Joey says as his voice cracks a little.
"No worries. I'll be there. I'll buy my own ticket as well. Do you mind if I bring, Alex? He's my boyfriend and I want you to meet him."
"Of course! I'll be happy to meet him. Take care, Darren. I love you, brother."
"Love you too, brother." I said as the call ended.
Darren goes back into his dog mode as I think about Joey's call. Maybe he's the reason why Darren hates gay people so much. I guess I'll be fixing their relationship as brothers. And I'll be going to Singapore. Fun.
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secret-engima · 1 year
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Shinobi Economics 2: Warring States Boogaloo
RIGHT IT’S TIME FOR NINJA ECONOMICS 2: WARRING STATES BOOGALOO.
Link to my previous 3k tumblr rant on canon era shinobi economics here , and a casual reminder that I do not study or research economics a whole bunch outside of a casual interest for fantasy worldbuilding. Most of this is just- trying to logic out some semblance of sense inside the Naruto setting.
But to summarize the stuff I think is relevant to jumping into this one, in the previous ramble I established that:
1. Peacetime is actually Really Profitable for shinobi villages of the Nidaime to Boruto eras, because that’s when the lower classes (Merchant and Worker) can afford to pay shinobi for jobs that are ultimately the most money for the least amount of risk.
2. Shinobi villages set the prices of missions, not the clients (as seen in the premise of the Wave arc, where the bridge builder lied about the risk so that he only had to pay for a C rank instead of a B or A rank mission), and that whatever prices they have set for missions, it allows even a single parent shinobi with an active child to live comfortably in a city. Not wealthy necessarily, but clearly able to feed, clothe, shelter, and spend time with their child on top of work and training.
3. In all of canon, all the movies, even in Boruto (up to the point I’ve watched so far anyway), there is not a single shinobi that suggests going back to the warring state era. Not even the missing-nin. Not even Madara, who was more than happy to plot the downfall of every shinobi village and the world at large, tried to get them to go back to warring states (admittedly he was more interested in brainwashing everyone with an overgrown weed, but hey).
In that previous rant, I also made an offhand mention that Hashirama and Madara ending the war between their clans and making peace was them essentially inventing a ninja union, and I kind of want to come back to that in this rant by talking about what the Warring State Era ninja economy was probably like, considering what little we know in canon (ie the anime flashbacks which YES COUNT AS CANON since it makes exactly as much nonsense as the rest of Kishi’s worldbuilding), 
Okay so. What do we know about the Warring State Era?
1. We know it was a very bloody time of frequent clan on clan fighting.
2. Medical chakra techniques/medicine in general were not as advanced (because Tsunade is infamous for her contributions to the world of medicine and she doesn’t exist yet) so fatalities or crippling injuries were definitely more common, and most shinobi wore samurai style armor which tells me:
2a. The armor was likely a response to how much easier it was back then for a shinobi to be crippled or killed through blood loss and infection (especially infection).
2b. It could also be a hold over from the Samurai era, since we honestly never get a straight answer from Kishi on where the heck Samurai fit into his swiss cheese timeline. There is, according to the Naruto wiki, a mention of them having split off from shinobi back when chakra use was still called ninshu but that makes … about as much sense as most of Kishi’s timeline and therefore is suspect at best and garbage at worst.
3. Child soldiers were even more of a thing than they are in the village era. For comparison, Kakashi was considered a prodigy for graduating and becoming a genin at 5, and Itachi was exposed to death at age 4, but that flashback is structured (in the anime at least) in a manner that implies that this was not the norm (thanks Fugaku) and that Itachi should not have been anywhere near the battlefield since he hadn’t even enrolled in Academy yet (canonically enrolled at age 6 and was allowed to take the graduation test a few months later). However in the Warring States Era flashback, Hashirama’s and Tobirama’s brother Kawarama died at age 7, and their father makes comments that imply Kawarama was considered at least enough of an adult to be a shinobi, which means he *probably* didn’t die on his first mission? Their other brother Itama, who we do not have an official age for but is clearly younger than Hashirama and Tobirama (who are drawn to at least appear 12 or younger) also dies young, probably around the same age as Kawarama did. We also see Izuna, during the river confrontation between Madara’s and Hashirama’s families, wielding a sword that is clearly *sized* for a child. Unlike Tobirama in that same scene who’s out here with an adult katana held on his back like a buster sword, Izuna is using a sword that looks like it was forged with a child his age in mind. Which … yeah. Not good. Hashirama and Madara also directly reference a desire for ending the deaths of children on the battlefield when they are discussing their dream of a village. So clearly children becoming shinobi at 6-7 and up was Not Uncommon.
4. Going off the continued existence of a Daimyo and his court in canon era, there were a lot of feudal lords in this era, hiring shinobi to do their dirty work. Not just Daimyo against Daimyo like we see in the village era Shinobi Wars, but likely neighboring lords hiring one shinobi clan or another to heckle, sabotage, and assassinate each other. Especially considering the Naruto world Warring States is clearly supposed to be reminiscent of the Sengoku period of Japan.
So, with those things in mind. How did shinobi economics in this era work and why was Konoha so revolutionary in more than just “hey the Senju and Uchiha aren’t killing each other!” way?
Well first thing is that the shinobi clans would have been at the whims of the various lords and the Daimyo rather than able to establish their own prices for missions, and the vast majority of the clan on clan conflicts would have either started or been fueled by the nobles of the era out of convenience. There are over 16 clans listed on the wiki as being “Konoha” clans, while we can discount a few of them (namely the Lee clan because that’s just Rock Lee, the Uzumaki who were from their own hidden village, and the Hoki family who I think immigrated in from Suna? If I’m reading the wiki right?), and those are just the clans that actually survived to the canon village era. That is a lot of competition for shinobi work in an era where most of those jobs would have come from the rich lords, the Daimyo himself, or a few very wealthy merchants would have been able to afford to both hire a shinobi clan and would have felt it worth the risk of gambling that their competitors wouldn’t also hire a shinobi clan to retaliate. The working class would not have been able to afford a shinobi’s services, and they also definitely wouldn’t want to risk going near a shinobi, because this era was when the clans would’ve had their bloodiest, most inhuman rumors and reputations as remorseless killers.
The staple/most common jobs for shinobi clans of that era would likely have been the violent ones that in the modern era get regulated to ANBU, because again, the Worker class can’t hire for D-ranks and the Merchant class probably either also couldn’t or wouldn’t want to unless desperate or trying to threaten their competition with the reputation of shinobi. These “common” jobs would have been assassinations of adults or children, kidnappings, sabotages, blackmail gathering, spying, and open battlefield conflicts (every Senju-Uchiha conflict we see in the flashback arc, not counting Itama’s death or the river confrontation, is on an open battlefield with both parties in varying levels of armor actually). And of course the other side of those common jobs would be missions from rival lords who are hiring a clan to prevent all the previously listed missions. Which is probably where a good chunk of clan animosities started, opposing contracts that got out of hand and started an all out blood feud. 
If a wealthy merchant hired a clan to guard their product/caravan, it was probably because some competitor or a lord who took offense to them for some reason had already hired another shinobi clan to sabotage said caravan and product. If a lord hired a shinobi to kill a rival or his family, that rival had either already hired shinobi bodyguards or was going to in response to this. Which, on top of fueling a lot of clan on clan grudges from being repeatedly on opposite sides of a job, means that shinobi clans couldn’t really demand a specific mission prices. A little bit of haggling over the price, yes, especially in the case of the more powerful/sought after clans, but if a shinobi clan tried to push for “too much”, the prospective client could simply leave and hire another clan. Likely a rival clan that had a blood feud with the first clan just to spite them. Any failed missions or missions that were refused because of the pay or risk involved would also definitely lead to the client spreading word against that clan to any allies, which would lead to less missions and valuable income down the line.
The clans with the most ability to haggle, at least in Land of Fire, would *probably* have been the Four Noble Clans Kishi mentions; The Uchiha, The Aburame, the Akimichi, and the Hyuuga. We never have it explained why they are noble clans or why there is only four, but basic logic says that they were clans who actually held positions in the Daimyo’s court, and having that position would have helped them set at least *some* level of wage standard for shinobi work they took on so long as they were careful not to annoy the Daimyo in the process. But even then, there was only so much they could demand before there was a risk of the client leaving and taking any future business from them and their social circle with them.
The Uchiha-Senju conflict was said to last for generations. According to Kishi it lasted since Indra-Ashura thanks to Black Zetsu specifically, but that is stupid on multiple levels that I won’t fully cover here. It’s much more likely that the descendants of Indra and Ashura clashed a few times and mostly tried to avoid each other until the Warring States Era actually started, by which point those descendants were the Senju and Uchiha (and Uzumaki but they’re canonically a neutral party in that whole deal iirc). The blood feud *probably* started when a noble lord spotted the natural avoidance/borderline animosity of the Uchiha and Senju and hired the Senju to sabotage either an Uchiha job or even to attack the Uchiha themselves if the Uchiha held a position in the Daimyo’s court at that point. And because Uchiha do not react calmly to basically anything, the response was very bloody and over the top, to which the Senju also reacted poorly and… *gestures at the blood feud*. After that, warring lords would have started to intentionally hire the Uchiha and the Senju to pit them against each other because neither clan would haggle too much over the price of a job for fear of it being thrown to their enemy instead, and with both clans so eager to get revenge on the other as the years went on, they were guaranteed to give their all on the battlefield regardless of the mission pay. Which is a technique that would have been used against most of the clans to keep them from getting too powerful or too uppity about the pay for their jobs, but especially the dangerous ones with kekkei genkai.
With the inability to really dictate the prices of their shinobi work, the civilians of shinobi clans likely would have sought to provide some other form of goods and services to help bolster the clan (the civilians not busy trying to keep the clan fed anyway). This has been explored by other fanfic writers in this fandom (shout-out to Umei_no_Mai’s series “the Compass Points North” for being really great at this), but of course depending on the size of the clan and their access to resources that don’t immediately go to either Feeding the Clan or Providing For Shinobi Work, how much money this actually brought in for each clan is entirely variable.
So there’s the Warring States Era cycle of shinobi work. Lord A hires Clan 1 to Do Thing, Lord B hires Clan 1’s most hated rival if possible to Stop Thing, both lords sit back and watch the two clans fight it out for far less than their work is actually worth. Wash, rinse, occasionally repeat with clans that are not hated rivals but are still going to fight it out viciously because if they don’t do a good enough job then they will lose any further work from that client and the client’s associates.
And then the Uchiha-Senju Alliance happened, and did not disintegrate within weeks or months as outsiders would have anticipated.
And this one thing. This one alliance. Completely destroyed the “comfortable” cycle the lords, Daimyo, and wealthy merchants had for their shinobi dealings up to that point. Because now, not only are the two most powerful clans in Land of Fire no longer available to hire against each other, but they also have two clans’ worth of civilian trade and shinobi revenue to keep them from starving the first time they said “no” to a client, and any client they do say yes to has the pick of Senju shinobi, Uchiha shinobi, or a mixed team of the clans’ respective powerhouses.
What do you think the response was the first time a client approached literally any of the other clans and tried to hire them to go up against both Hashirama and Madara, or, just as scarily, Senju Tobirama with a grumpy Uchiha or three following on his heels.
The answer was no. The answer was heck no. The answer was we would literally rather starve rather than choose that flavor of suicide. 
Because while other clans have clashed with the Senju and Uchiha before during this era thanks to it being logistically impossible for someone to hire a Senju to fight an Uchiha and visa versa every time, those clashes would still have been comparatively rare but memorable. Similar to the nobles funding these blood feuds, the other shinobi clans of Land of Fire would have grown accustomed to “your chances of dying via Tree Man or Angry Fire Cat Man are statistically low” and being able to kinda sit back and watch the Senju and Uchiha tear each other apart from a safe distance, with only minimal risk of running into far less skilled Uchiha or Senju on a job rather than the guy who gets named the “god of shinobi” and his frenemy rival. They’ve seen the damage either clan can do, and now you want them to go against both? Without the guarantee of Madara and Hashirama (and Tobirama and Izuna pre the latter’s death) being too busy trying to kill each other to bother with you and your squishy clanmates? Hahahaha no.
And now here’s where the Shinobi Villages are a Union thing really starts to kick in. Because the Senju-Uchiha alliance grinding the Warring States cycle to a halt would have been temporary if it had just been between them, if Hashirama’s and Madara’s dream had gone no further than peace between their respective clans. If it had remained just the Senju-Uchiha alliance, even with fear of Hashirama and Madara, the other clans would have eventually been prodded into fighting them, likely even being hired by enough lords who were all unhappy with this shakeup to the routine to temporarily band together in fighting the Senju and Uchiha and overwhelm them (or at least badly cripple the manpower of the Senju-Uchiha).
But Hashirama’s and Madara’s dream wasn’t just about their clans. And suddenly here’s Hashirama “my smile is photosynthesizable” Senju and Madara “consider my wrath as your alternative” Uchiha approaching the other clans and offering to let them join this alliance. To not have the risk of fighting either of these terrifying men or their clans, but rather to pool their resources together to make missions safer. To be able to turn down missions without starving thanks to the combined revenue of multiple clans and their civilian specialties (and the backing of the Uzumaki, who are generally accepted by fanon to have allied with the Senju by this point via Mito’s marriage), and to have other clans be extremely wary of taking any job against their combined might, which will make the jobs they do take a whole lot safer.
Not every clan jumps on board right away of course, canonically the first ones to join the alliance were the Sarutobi and the Shimura (fanon assumes that these two had connections to the Senju and Uchiha clans before this but I … couldn’t find mention of that in the wiki?), which means suddenly any job this alliance takes means that a rival will be up against a roulette wheel of anywhere from “maybe four Senju like normal” to “combined wrath of a Senju-Uchiha-Sarutobi-Shimura team that are working out their collective new-alliance stress on your hide”. The other clans would have chosen to jump aboard the alliance very quickly once it became clear that this wasn’t going away or splintering. Which means more and more clans are saying “no” to jobs that they feel aren’t worth the prices being offered, and less and less clans are willing to go against the alliance for fear of being stomped on. Suddenly the clans who are in the alliance can not only say no but can say “I want to be paid this much for this job” and the lords who once had the option to just take their business to another clan are stuck. They had to either pay up or not have the job done at all.
Tobirama comes in, probably somewhere very early on in the village founding with the start of what will eventually be the universal shinobi mission ranking system, and with that comes the ability for shinobi to have a set minimum wage for each level of risk. There’s an Academy for their children to learn skills from multiple clans and sources now rather than being forced to take to the field just to help pay for food/armor/resources for the clan.
In the real world, this kind of change takes … way longer on average. But in the Naruto world the options from the get-go were “be under Hashirama’s and Madara’s protection” or “be a potential enemy against them and their clans on a mission”, and none of the shinobi clans who survived to that point did so by being stupid. After they saw the Sarutobi and Shimura join without negative consequences (or subjugation as vassals), the clans of Land of Fire would have started joining the alliance faster than the nobles who used their blood feuds as a handy leash could keep up with or compensate for. Canon says something along the lines of the village negotiating with the Daimyo for permission to be there but realistically by the time the Daimyo realized this was not just a passing treaty, that the Ninja Union was not going away, it was already far too late to stop it. Trying to starve the alliance into compliance by cutting off their trades would have only meant that every shinobi clan now on board with Konoha’s existence (read; the majority of them) would overthrow the Daimyo and install a more cooperative leader in his place. Heck, for all we know that’s what happened, it’s not like Kishi bothers to keep a coherent history or timeline. But considering the Daimyo does have a say in who the Hokage of the village is and they are enough at the Daimyo’s beck and call to fight in the future Shinobi Wars, it is more likely that the budding Konoha did successfully negotiate with the Daimyo for a “our loyalty and your nominal supervision over our village in exchange for extra land and free reign over our internal structure” kind of deal.
The clans being united was also an advantage for the Daimyo, once he got over the “can no longer charge whatever he wants for assassinations”. Because with all the Land of Fire clans unified, suddenly any upstart lords looking to depose him or wars he might get up to with other Daimyo look a lot more winnable. The other major Elemental nations, seeing this and realizing it’s not going away, probably scrambled to get their own clans to unify, which is one reason why Kiri is … such a disaster in canon. Rather than being a willing endeavor by the various clans to unite for their own benefit, the Daimyo of Water basically threw all his feral clans off their respective islands and territories and said “you all live here now and you all do what I tell you or else the Land of Fire will wipe us out”. Which, as you can see, went swimmingly for them (sarcasm). That or the other shinobi clans in the various nations did actually unionize of their own will once they saw it worked for Konoha, but Kiri never got the memo of “actually make peace with your rivals” and instead just clustered together in a feral knot of “we hate each other but we hate outsiders MORE so we’re going to pretend we actually function as a society”. Which lasted… Not long.
And there you go, another shinobi economics ramble. I feel like this one is even less structured than the last one but hey at least it’s like. 100 whole words shorter.
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queenofyumcha · 2 months
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Omega Emhyr! Impera/Emhyr!
CW// Omegaverse
Your latest instalment of Siumai’s word salad is brought to you by Siumai can’t sleep so she’ll type instead!
“Your majesty, we cannot stress enough that the root of your health problems is, unfortunately, the lack of… How should I best put this-“
“I am a busy man. If you could spare me the suspense.”
“Well, the lack of, ahem, intimacy, with alphas, your majesty.”
The room is silent in anticipation.
“I instructed you to bring me a cure that could fit neatly in a vial.”
Emhyr smiles at the physician. Impressively, he is able to convey a feeling of looming over the man from his seated position. The feeling is aided perhaps, by that fact that it is not a kind smile.
“If, the thousands in consultation and research fees, to say nothing of the hours of my time you have wasted, have cumulated in only the advice to bed an alpha, then you may find yourself relieved both of your job title and your head.”
The master physician’s hands flutter around him like a nervous bird preparing to take flight.
“Well- Well, it needn’t be sexual intimacy you majesty, I suppose that at this point, ah, in your circumstances your majesty, that non-sexual intimacy may very well be better than nothing- though of course!”
The nervous little man laughs, damningly high pitched and bordering on hysterical.
“That is not to say you are undesirable! Why, I’m, I’m sure a number of your men would not object to being instructed in that manner! Not, not that it would take an order for them to do so, your…”
The physician winces and looks near tears, leaning into a bow so low the tassels of his robe brush the floor.
“Your majesty.”
“And that would do, would it? Physical proximity to an alpha? You’d be prepared to stake your livelihood and your life on that?”
The physician looks up from his bow long enough to give Emhyr a look of desperate consternation. The fact that the man is actively disapproving of an option that could save his own skin surely means he is a credit to the medical profession.
“It would be the bare minimum! After the decades of little to no contact, to expect to see significant results-“
A single arched eyebrow is enough to silence the man.
It seems it will do.
-/-
“And at any point over the last four months, did you feel the urge to advise me that sustained. Physical. Proximity. To the same alpha. Would in fact eventually induce a heat? Or, pray tell, did you consider that information unimportant?”
The physician swallows nervously.
“In my defence, your majesty, I did have other pressing matters on my mind at the time.”
“I suppose I can grant you that. What now?”
“Your majesty…? I’m not sure I follow.”
“What. Happens. Now.”
“I… would suggest perhaps instructing a new alpha to take his place or perhaps an additional man to help, well, bolster the forces shall we say. Your choice of alpha whilst no doubt experienced, is certainly growing long in the tooth.”
Emhyr and his alpha bristle with annoyance and offence, Emhyr bracing a hand on his alpha’s arm to prevent the man taking a threatening step towards the physician.
Emhyr bristles at the suggestion that he would simply swap out a favoured alpha for any substandard alternative, however youthful.
His alpha, at the idea that he is any way less able to perform.
-/-
In private, his alpha is less confident.
“Perhaps he was right. I am not a young man anymore and have not been one for decades. I would… not be entirely happy, but I would not object if you wanted someone to assist-“
“If I’d wanted a young alpha, I’d have dragged one into my bed long ago. And yet I have not. Take from that what you will.”
Though clearly pleased that Emhyr’s turned down an alternative and therefore any younger competition, his Impera still takes a mischievous tone.
“…that you’re concerned you wouldn’t be able to keep up?”
“Mind your traitorous tongue of yours.”
Fond bemusement colours Emhyr’s tone as his impera wraps a possessive arm around Emhyr’s waist. He murmurs Emhyr’s title like a pet name.
“Yes, your majesty.”
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deltav25 · 6 months
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MASTERPOST
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squish • /skwɪʃ/
verb
To grab, hold, or capture people (especially middle aged men), keep them in captivity, and enact other suffering they may or may not deserve in high security facility, in a non-sexual way.
This blog is run by me (ΔV25/Sigmeister) and my boyfriend (Omu). You can also find me on Twitter and Bluesky, linked below.
https://twitter.com/DeltaV25
https://bsky.app/profile/deltav25.bsky.social
Interaction is mandatory welcome. Feel free to ask me anything you curious about SI or request lore drop. From statistics my art progress is correlate to interaction I receive. Suggestions and ideas are encourage, but not requests or commissions. This is a SFW whump only content, there will be NO gore or sexual content in here.
This masterpost will be updated as-needed
[NOTE: I am currently posting back-log from Delta's Twitter. Should be an image every day until we're brought up to present - Omu]
INFO UNDER THE READ-MORE
Introduction to Squish Industries
Squish Industries is a worldbuilding project and lore content about middle age man working in science or tech industry being made suffer because their job by getting interrogation and detention in military/medical/prison setting.
The word Squish come from random thought when watching squish that cat video. Since the propose of SI is to holding its detainee safely and securely like holding cat for the vet.
Most of SI content is in drawing format or graphic design and logo because I hate writing detailed wall of text and graphic design is my true passion.
The World
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The world is set around the year 21XX. World war 3 happened and take China and Russia with it. World superpower is now shifted to USA, EU and SEA.
Humanity expanded its frontier to Moon, Mars, asteroid belt and the Galilean moon. With biggest settlement at Pavonis Mons lava tube cluster on Mars. Highly developed into near self sustaining settlement with one of the best technology school off planet Earth.
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The moon is act as deep space gateway while Ceres turn into space industrial complex. Many goods, material and supply flow through well managed flight plan just like plane in our time. There are space pirate and outlaw station but not a major problem for most space transportation.
Spacecraft are powered by both conventional chemical engine, electric ion engine and the new fusion engine. Settlement start expanding into town both on planet and inside dwarf planet in the asteroid belt but no terraforming yet.
The company
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Lindström Space & Defense is the biggest space and defense company in Finland with headquarters in Riihimäki. Run by a CEO of the same name, Lindström specializes in deep space research and exploration, asteroid mining, and planetary defense. Lindström has deep ties with the Finnish government, and is one of few trillion-dollar corporations to consistently pay the maximum tax.
Subsidiary company under Lindström
Squish Industries is the secret subsidiary of the Lindström. SI handles private military contractors (PMCs) and facility security for Lindström and for the fictional Finnish government. There are rumors of its existance, but nothing is confirmed.
Lindström Defense Security Service is a small private military contractors and defense consulting company. Publicly known for deploying as security service at Lindström facility and given nickname Barn cat unit. It have unofficial internal rank known as Jólakötturinn for their elite operator.
Heyden Biotek ApS is a one man shell company of Heyden, CEO childhood friend who is underground medical practitioner. The company develop from being shell company to smaller biotech research to supply treatment for people with rare disease that big pharma refuse to made from profit reason.
Testshot Space Lab is a space launch startup by Ryan Hershal for researching using superconductive railgun to launch small rocket contain cubesat or other small rigid object into space for cheaper and faster small launch business
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Falchion Technologies is American corporate culture dialed up to 11 and Lindström’s direct rival company. Elliot Reeve, Falchion’s CEO, focuses primarily on developing new technologies such as space transportation and brain machine interface, including dipping into weapon development for the American military. Ms. Reeve is often facing tax evasion accusations. Falchion headquarters is located in silicon valley and Texas, with company town scattered around the state.
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The Auction House is a black-market human resources organization for selling skilled workers and patent holders who haven’t made fame for themselves yet. Corporate entities buy and sell their workers here, but many also choose to sell themselves to escape from their country or debt. Operating on a fleet of cargo ship around the world.
The people
Lindström Space & Defense
Handler
Affiliate
Subject
Falchion Technologies
Handler
Affiliate
Subject
Independent
Handler
Affiliate
Subject
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copperbadge · 2 years
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I’ve been doing more research on ADHD after the diagnosis, specifically watching some channels that you guys and others have recommended, and it’s actually a fascinating process coming at the diagnosis from the far side of forty instead of the near side of twenty. 
I have a ton of coping mechanisms, which I developed because “Well, I’ve got to deal with life somehow”. In the evaluation I had with the psychiatrist, I was basically diagnosed on them. Some of the more simple ones really seemed to fascinate him, like taking the doors off my kitchen cupboards and hanging my keys on the knob of my self-locking door.  
Many of the videos are about helping younger people develop these coping mechanisms -- not relevant to me, generally, although some of the tips are still useful, like the idea that whatever you’re doing to cope, it’s meant to lower the demand on executive function. I’m fortunate in that my diagnosis is inattentive, I don’t have the hyperactive angle, and thus don’t have a ton of need for fidget toys or sensory stimulation in the way the videos talk about. The fidget spinner I have is cool because it’s Captain America, but it doesn’t like...help, per se, and after about two minutes I get frustrated with the fact that there’s no result, it doesn’t produce anything. I do best in meetings and classes when I have something to occupy me, but it can’t be tactile, it has to at least partially engage my brain, and knowing that I need a brain-fidget rather than a hand-fidget will be helpful in coming up with appropriate (and socially acceptable) workarounds. 
Not sure what to do with all the discussion of emotional regulation; I feel like I’ve got that bit figured out but also like maybe my solutions aren’t the healthiest, so we’ll see. 
I think perhaps the most useful thing is the idea of identifying a need or issue and then finding a workaround for it as a conscious process, which is usually something I do instinctively. This one video was about going to Target specifically to shop for products for kids that could still help adults with ADHD, and while most of it was fidget toys, I liked the idea of browsing with the focus in mind of finding tools for workarounds. Which led to the idea of, well, what am I working around? and the concept of consciously identifying ADHD-specific issues. So that’s something to think on for a while -- aside from the Adderall, what are solutions to specific ADHD-driven issues I have? 
I suspect because I am older and well-trained in problem solving I may not get as much assistance from videos or books about living with ADHD as a younger person might, as I might have as a younger person. I think I may look for something more along the lines of a layperson’s medical text; I’d like to know what we know about how ADHD affects function, because that will be more helpful to me in identifying ways my experience of reality is not neurotypical, and then I can come up with my own workarounds. Because it is a trifle frustrating to look for more information and get a lot of stuff -- useful stuff, just not useful to me -- about fidget toys or bullet journaling. :D 
Plus...the biggest hurdle I’ve had is an inability to start and carry-through tasks, and the Adderall does a great job with that, so a huge looming issue is resolved, or at least on its way to resolution. Other than that I don’t really see many problems that are going unaddressed, but that’s where a more thorough knowledge of the actual biology might help me shift perspective.
Anyway. Get in losers, we’re going to Target even if we don’t need fidget toys, because Target is fun to shop at.  
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winterslibrary · 6 days
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"...oh, doctor Lucianna! I have to admit, for as long as I've been working here and trust me, I've spent majority of my life here, I never saw anyone else as talented and dedicated as Lucien. Despite their own issues with health, they continue helping other patients and fighting tirelessly for those letting out their last breaths... I still fail to understand why do you think they are related to those disappearances. Our Lucien is a good soul, they wouldn't hurt a fly. Wasn't that man a criminal either way? I get that it's your responsibility take care of this, but isn't it better that that man is gone?"
━ ISABEL, head surgeon, about LUCIANNA
NAME: LUCIANNA, also known as LUCIEN or LUCIE. RARITY: 5 STAR COMBAT TYPE: QUANTUM PATH: ABUNDANCE USUALLY RESIDES IN: PENACONY
IMPORTANT: lucianna is non-binary and uses they/them! i personally call them by lucie but lucien and lucianna are also a-okay. they usually introduce themselves as lucien though. also both fem and masc terms are okay !! everything's written in more general language than trying to pull out my writing braincells cuz i have none for now </3 but... for sure i will write write something with them at one point.
GENERAL NOTES: Although Lucie usually resides in Penacony, the hospital they work at is on completely different planet. They tend to travel a lot because of that, one day chilling among luxuries of the Penacony's Golden Hour, the next day rushing to a hospital for a sudden emergency! It can be tiring sometimes, truly. But Penacony gives them enough time to rest before another week spent working on sick or dying patients. There's something else they do between their job, though...
(tws for: human experimentation, medical malpractice, cults and (mass) murder in lucie's backstory. feel free to skip that part !!)
BACKSTORY: There's thing thing, you see. Lucie from always was a rather sick child, struggling with their health and at one point things got so bad, that Lucie truly believed the end was near. With no money to afford proper medicine, only thing left was pray for a miracle, and yet what Lucie got was a curse under the guise of one.
Because they were young and desperate to live, when a mysterious doctor offered them medicine that could save them they instantly agreed, unaware how big the pay would be for their life.
That doctor turned out to be a part of a group of abundance followers, that in the name of Yaoshi would perform... rather questionable medical experiments, be it on medicine, be it on other human livings and Lucie, not wanting to lose their only source of medicine, forced themselves to join the group and assist them in whatever experiments they were doing, even if it included hurting other people.
Luckily, with time Lucie managed to learn how to brew their own medicine– alongside with more general knowledge regarding medicine, which allowed them to run away from that terrible group of people, self-called followers of Yaoshi yet filthy liars in reality. But not without a revenge, no.
To this day people wonder who– or what killed that group one by one, everyone dropping dead like some flies... Lucie wouldn't know. They are happy to be the only survivor and to be finally free.
After that, Lucie started expanding their medical knowledge– turns out that when you don't have to literally torture people with poisons and dangerous surgeries, medicine is quite interesting! And that was how Lucie ended up working in a hospital, slowly climbing their way up, soon becoming one of the best doctors out there. They genuinely care about their patients, always willing to stay up nights and weeks to ensure that someone survives.
That doesn't mean Lucie completely let their past away, no. They spent years in that... weird group, among these people using an aeon to commit atrocities on often innocent people. And Lucie, as much as they wouldn't want to admit to that, a big chunk of their knowledge learned from all these experiments and dangerous researches they were forced to either witness or lead. It was unethical and terrible, but...
That dangerous side of medicine, it was an interesting one– and if researched in proper surroundings, the results could benefit everyone! From finding out new poison antidotes, to learning about toxins, how human's body functions and so, so many others...
Please, if you ever hear screaming coming from the lower levels of the hospital, don't mind it. You didn't hear it and doctor Lucianna is busy, so it's best you wait here and don't go bothering them. You wanted to talk about that criminal who just... suddenly disappeared, right? A nice chat won't hurt anyone.
MISCELLANEOUS:
━ Lucie is a cane user. They use a cane majority of the time, even in Penacony, but they don't need it always. Some days are better, some days are worse. Nonetheless, they keep it around all the time because their cane, in reality, is also a concealed blade. Great to defense!
━ Despite what one might think, they genuinely are a nice, sweet person, always willing to help, sometimes they even appear quite naive and stupid but don't believe it, Lucie is far away from being a little, naive sweetheart. Although, that attitude stays even when they are experimenting on someone... it's unsettling, sometimes.
━Their work schedule is chiller than a normal doctor's though. They are allowed to have more free time and they don't have to be at the hospital all the time. It's because their health is already quite poor and they tend to overwork themselves, so they more time to rest, to be able to perform their duties.
━ Close with Aventurine, their relationship is... interesting to say the least. For sure Lucie is his little lucky charm (meaning, more of a bodyguard and someone to bother while gambling all his money away) but they also are his sound of reason, always complaining at him to stop gambling so much, you're going to do something stupid and finally lose a game and, please, stop spending so much on me, I have no ways of paying you back anymore...
━ They enjoy researching on medicine, toxins, antidotes and poisons a lot. Genuinely they do. It's an interesting topic and they are quite good at that! Lucie did, in fact, made their own medicine after all...
━ Their post attack animation is literally them spinning their cane on the back of their hand. It's a little extra. A little fancy.
A/N NOTES: ueue. it is a little rough YES but im currently going through a writer block so dont mind the roughness HAHAHA im gonna... add more stuff one day. lucie's still kind of a wip so that too. anywyahashagsh introductions done!! voicelines next. also, have a lucie picrew as i struggle with their outfit and full design </3 have a great day everyone my back HURTS also i decided to not describe their personality just yet... because i dont like doing that. yeah im really gonna give u guys more lucie lore WHEN IM DONE WORKING ON THEM ok bye fr
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atonalginger · 4 months
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Thinking Back and Looking Forward
Wordcount: 2,874 Sam Coe x oc (a starfarer but not a Dusty) Warnings: drug use mention (from Sam's past).
Sam sighed as he exited the GalBank. Of course Jacob saw this coming; that old bastard wouldn’t let Sam get anywhere without a fight. It meant grabbing Cora, which made Sam madder. He didn’t want to use his girl as bait but how else would be be able to keep Jacob distracted enough to search the house. At least it would be easier with Cora, unlike the shenanigans he used to get into with Jamie and Julien.
He slowly walked to the gazebo in Coe Plaza, giving the old statue a glare from under his brim. It’s where he told Cora to meet him when they were both finished. The gazebo was empty; unusual but understandable given the heist. Give it an hour and people would be back. He sat on his favorite bench, leaving room for near the corner for a person who no longer joined him. A sigh escaped his lips as he leaned back into the railing, he missed her dearly.
It was a stupid fight. Over trivial stuff upon reflection. But to twenty year old Sam, still riding an Aurora high from his last trip to Neon and half drunk, it was important. So much yelling. And the escalation when she demanded he leave until he sobered up. Twenty year old Sam was a damn fool. That was his heart and he threw it away, shouting needless insults to get the upper hand on a pointless mess he created.
Thoughts drifted to good times. The pair sitting on the bench, his arm around her hugging her close while Julien sat across from them, usually telling them about something he saw on his last patrol. The twins had moved the Akila City at eighteen to get away from their family homestead and their controlling parents. The trio were thick as thieves with their common bond of shit parents. Julien joined the Freestar Militia to build up credits and protect the FC systems. He was a top notch combat medic considered a prize by whichever captain got the Fox on their ship. Jamie landed a job working in the Rock up at the bar helping serve drinks and clean.
She never cared that he was a Coe, which he liked. More like she was wary of him in the beginning for being a Coe or so Fox had told him once. Everyone built the Solomon Coe up to be some mythic legend and she was worried he’d be some self important ass. But he wasn’t, he was just a guy suffocating under the weight of his family name. His mind continued to wander to the quiet moments they shared. When they’d sneak off to his dinky ship and fly into orbit for a few hours of privacy. The way her curves fit perfectly in his arms. She was such a welcome distraction from his boring job hauling cargo. And Jacob hated her. Damn that old man, he even ruined daydreaming.
“Dad! Dad!” Cora was barreling toward him with an arm full of new books and a smile to light up the plaza. He came back to reality and looked over as she skid to a stop on the uneven cobblestone, “I need to get on the ship, it’s important! I met the Professor Melody from that book series Barrett got me started on a few years back. You know the one that combined various survey research with old earth historical data?”
“I think I know the series,” Sam lied. She had so many book strewn across the ship he was sure one day one would knock him out during a jump, “Why does this mean you need back on the ship?”
“I told her I’d read her series, which she was surprised because its college level reading, and that I was a big fan of her work and she offered to sign any copies I had with me but all my books are on the ship! I can drop off my new books and grab the best two from her series and run back here. She agreed to meet here at the gazebo!”
He let out a quiet chuckle and slipped her the landing bay keycard, “lock the hatch behind you both in and out, understand?”
“Yes dad, safety first.”
“I’m serious,” he gently held her hand with the keycard between them, “Akila City is safer than more Freestar ports but it’s still rough.”
“I know.”
He let go and smiled at her, “when you get back we can talk about what’s next on the days agenda.”
“Are we going to see Gramps?” Cora’s eyes got big and a new smile bloomed.
“Looks like it.” He tried not to look disappointed. Part of him did love that she and his Dad got along but he didn’t trust the bastard to not manipulate her.
Cora bounced and then took off for the spaceport. He turned and watched her, the City guard hollering at her to be careful and watch where she went. Her father’s daughter indeed.
Sam pulled his notes slate out of his holster pocket and scrolled through the list of books and authors Cora talked about the most. Didn’t take long to find this Professor Melody. Notes included:
-FC native. Born in Akila City, raised deep in Ashta country on a livestock homestead. Gained a love for Earth history due to a gift of ancient books from her aunt. -Holds degrees from FC and UC universities. Gained UC citizenship through her work on her first published work on ancient animal husbandry practices and how to integrate them into modern practices. -a Ph.D in anthropology with a focus on ancient Earth histories. -Cora really likes this book on ancient music. I think she’s told me three times now about how people used to play wooden instruments that worked because they took dried cane and painstaking shaped it into something called a reed and this all sounds like a lot of work for something a computer could do. Suppose they didn’t have computers back then. -Cora wants to go to New Homestead because of something she read in that new book. Thanks Doc Melody, someday soon we’ll go freeze our cheeks off
He sighed at the last note. Forgotten in the sea of things to do and errand to run. He’d have to make time, see if she still wanted to go. He felt a presence near the archway of the gazebo. A familiar presence. He stowed the slate and slowly looked up to see Jamie standing surprised in the archway. Her hair was clipped short and her makeup was subdued but it was her. He’d never forget that face. He stood and took a step before he froze. Why would he have any right to approach her after everything he did and said.
“Sam,” she said softly, almost a question. She blinked away tears and a warm smile formed.
“Jamie,” he choked up for a moment, “I—I’m so sorry. For everything. You deserv—“
“I’m surprised you remembered,” she took a few steps forward, “I remember you being pretty out of it that night.”
“That's…an understatement I think. Also took a few years to piece together a clear memory.”
“You’re doing better?” She asked. She was standing toe to toe with him now, looking up with wet hazel eyes.
“Much better. Had a few more lows to hit before reaching bottom but I’ve been able to clean up my act. Even ran with the Rangers for a time before finally getting to do what I wanted.”
“You’re exploring?” She sounded so happy and it made a tear break from his eyes.
“Yup. Me and my little girl, Cora, explore the Starfield for Constellation.”
Her jaw dropped a moment and then a giggle, “Cora? The bright eyed girl with the bouncy brown hair?”
“That’s her,” he nodded, “must of heard her near Sinclairs? She’s running to grab some books for this professor she’s a fan of. She tears through books like nothing else but that series…I swear she rereads them every few months.”
“Oh?” Jamie looked amused, “she sounds likes like a sweet little bookworm.”
“Oh she is,” he chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck, “don’t know where she gets it from, neither her mom or me are big readers.”
“Is her mom around?” Jamie looked around, stepping back once.
“No, she’s not. She's married to the Rangers.”
They stood there listening to the usual commotion of Akila City. Laughter at the Hitching Post and guards complaining about the recent rains and puddles. Arguing over who had to clean tables in the Chunks.
“I missed you,” she said, shattering the silence, “I always regretted leaving Akila City the way I did. I knew you weren’t yourself and once you came down we could talk but I was so in my feelings I just ran. It wasn’t fair to you or Fox.”
“After the things I said? The way I acted. I knew you didn’t approve of all the—“
“That weasel of a boss Jacob set you up with was the one that introduced you to that crap. Kept Neon on your route. Sure, you did chose to take it but I know you felt pressured.”
“Maybe I was but that doesn’t excuse what I did. What I said.”
She stepped forward again and placed a hand on his chest, above the turquoise tooth hanging around his neck, “I forgave you a long time ago. It wasn’t instant but the more I replayed those memories the more I knew we could have worked through it and I gave up on you. I’m sorry.”
Sam’s cheeks were now stained with tears. She was sorry? For protecting herself? He placed his hand over hers, “You have nothing to apologize for. Your forgiveness means a lot, even if I don’t think I’ve earned it.”
She leaned in and hugged him, her arms wrapping around him under his leather jacket. He held her close, burying his nose into the nook of her neck. His hat fell to the ground as they squeezed each other tight. They were so lost in the embrace they didn’t hear the pounding footfalls hopping to a stop in the archway.
“Uh, dad?” Cora said. Sam stood tall, both their grips loosening, and saw Cora squatting down to pick up his hat.
“Thanks, gumdrop.” Sam said sheepishly.
Cora stood there, her books in a bag slung over her shoulder and his hat in her hands, with a growing look of shock.
“Everything okay? Cora?” Sam wasn’t sure what to make of this, she wasn’t usually like this. Sure, she saw him hugging Jamie but he’s hugged people before and she’s never gotten weird before. Was it the intensity of the hug? The seeming randomness?
“Professor Melody?” Cora finally managed to say before looking up at Sam with a furrowed glare, “Why didn’t you tell me you knew Dr. Melody?”
“I—“ he looked to Jamie, who had taken a few steps back and out of Cora’s line of fire and was now wearing an ornery grin. “Doctor Melody? I know you and Julien talked about changing your names but…”
“During my graduate studies my mentor introduced me to her daughter who was a talented cyber runner. Her daughter specialized in helping people escape bad families or abusive relationships by permanently altering their Colonies records. I was originally going to take on my mentor’s family name because they’d all but adopted me and it was her husband who came up with Melody. He worried my family might figure out my new name by looking into public uni records but Melody was original and unique. And everyone agreed it suited me. Jamie Melody does exactly roll off the tongue but people don’t usually address me like that anyway so it doesn’t matter.”
Sam smiled, “Clever. And it does suit you. Always had a song on your lips.”
“So you two do know each other!” Cora jabbed a finger at her dad.
“It’s been a while since I’ve seen her, Cora,” Sam reached out and teasingly grabbed her finger. She scrunched her nose and held out his hat, which he promptly took and placed back on his head, “and as you just heard, I was not aware of the name change.”
“Alright, I suppose I can let it go,” Cora dramatically said before reaching into her bag, “So I brought my two favorite.”
“I can’t wait to see which ones you picked.” Jamie held out a hand to accept the books.
“It was hard to choose,” Cora handed them over along with a black fine point marker from Sam’s workstation.
“I’m proud of you for narrowing it down. Part of me wondered if you’d try hauling the whole set back,” Sam teased his little girl. As he spoke he watched Jamie look over the books awe.
“This is a first edition,” Jamie looked shocked as she studied one of the pair, “my publisher said they pulled them after we discovered a printing error.”
“Oh that was a gift from Gramps. He gave me that one and the corrected second edition along with a few comics and a book of Akila history. I love going through both editions looking for the differences. All I’ve found are a few diagrams printed sideways and like two missing pages of pictures.”
“Yeah the errors were minor but embarrassing for the publisher,” Jamie laughed. “Let me sit down and I can inscribe these.”
“Always knew you were destined for greatness,” Sam said as she sat down, “Always assumed I was holding you back.”
“You weren’t,” she said softly as she looked up at him, “if anything you helped me fly the coop. I don’t know if I’d ever left this rock without your help. Only wish I’d timed it better.”
He fought back more tears as he felt Cora studying his face. Jamie went to work writing messages in each book. She wrote with a very slow, deliberate hand, which amused him because he knew just how messy her handwriting could get.
“So what’s the plan?” Cora asked.
“The Plan? Sam asked.
“You said we needed to talk about plans for today with visiting Gramps. I figured it had to do with our Constellation business and we both know Gramps isn’t going to like that.”
“Yup,” Sam nodded. It was scary how smart she was.
“What sort of Constellation business would need you talking to…him?” Jamie hesitated, omitting what Sam knew was a more colorful reference to Jacob, “My understanding is Constellation studies star systems, running detailed surveys of planet and moon surfaces and finding scientifically significant discoveries.”
“We are. We’re looking into the story of the Empty Nest.” Cora smiled, “Dad said what we needed was in the bank vault but since we need to see Gramps that means it wasn’t anymore.”
“Is that so?” Jamie seemed to perk up. She leaned in towards both of them and handed back the books, “would this happened to have anything to do with gravitational anomalies?”
“How do you…” Sam started to say.
“Never mind that for now, may I come with for this visit with Ol’ Jacob?” She stood up and smoothed her pants, “in case tag team sweet grandchild frustrating son can’t crack the code?”
“You know gramps too?” Cora asked.
“I do,” Jamie smiled, “we aren’t on great terms but we have an understanding. Plus he owes me a favor. If he won’t listen to you two I can call it in.”
“Jacob Coe owes you a favor?” Sam was in disbelief.
“I found some antiques with Solomon Coe’s name engraved at a consignment shop a few years back. Seller could tell I was a knowledgeable buyer and confessed they figured the pieces were forgeries but even still they were worth a pretty credstick for their condition alone. I knew Jacob had legit equipment with engravings and that the museum was his pet project at the time so I reached out. Asked him to verify the validity of the engraving and if they were real I’d give them to him in exchange for a favor down the line. They were all real, worth FAR more than I paid, and he took the deal.”
“You did that for him?” Sam asked.
“I did it for the museum,” she motioned down the road, “and I did it because having someone like your dad on the hook for a favor is useful in my line of work. Sometimes you can’t grease the squeaky wheels alone.”
“Smart,” Cora nodded sagely, “Dad we should bring the Professor along.”
“Does he know you’re the author of these books?” Sam asked.
“He does,” Jamie nodded, “He’s known about my name change for a while. Once tipped me off to some family chatter one of his connections intercepted. Apparently he had people keeping ears to the ground for any search my parents attempted on me. He didn’t want them to find me anymore than I did.”
“What?” Sam felt a rush of shock and anger. Jacob never told him any of this.
“We can talk about all that later,” Jamie reached out and patted his chest, “for now let’s focus on finding an empty nest.”
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naturalrights-retard · 6 months
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Cody Hudson was interning in a medical office near his home in Florida, taking a gap year before beginning college in Arizona, when the COVID-19 pandemic lockdowns went into effect and ended his internship.
Like many American families, Cody and his family took the recommended precautions around COVID-19. But when the vaccines became available, his parents were skeptical, Cody told The Defender in an interview.
As he began planning for college and started a short-term job at a coffee shop where everyone was vaccinated, Cody started researching the vaccine online and talking to people around him. He concluded the vaccine made sense based on the available information.
His mother, Heather Hudson, told The Defender she didn’t want Cody to get vaccinated, but she had trouble finding convincing scientific information to convince him of the dangers.
“We would go on my computer and try to research and even myocarditis information wasn’t coming up,” Heather said. “The warnings that should have been there were censored from us.”
Cody’s employer didn’t require him to get the vaccine, he said, but he was “heavily encouraged” to get it, and concerned about keeping his job.
He also was concerned about being able to stay in school. “There was virtually no getting into college without having a vaccine, and having the paperwork to go with it,” he said. “It was a stressful situation.”
Two months after second Pfizer shot, ‘he was coughing up blood’
In July 2021, Cody got two doses of the Pfizer vaccine. He had flu-like symptoms following the first dose. About a week or two after the second shot, he began to get a rash on his arms.
“At first,” Cody said, “I thought it was eczema, which I’d had in the past. It kept coming and going. I thought it was probably from being exposed to more chemicals from hand sanitizers, so my instinct was to just try to take care of my skin the way I had been instructed to in the past.”
He used hypoallergenic soaps and got some sample creams from his dermatologist.
Soon Cody began having aches and pains in his body, including severe knee pain. He chalked it up to the fact that his family was packing up to move to Arizona and he was lifting heavy boxes and being exposed to a lot of dust. He also ran five miles a day which he thought could be contributing to his discomfort.
In September 2021, his situation began to deteriorate rapidly, according to Heather.
“As a mom, I know he was kind of hiding it from me, but he was clearly having aches and pains, and his knee was hurting worse,” she said. ”The skin condition was, to me, looking like something severe. And so I was encouraging him to go to the hospital, but he was afraid to go.”
Cody said he didn’t think anything really wrong “until I coughed up blood.”
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