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#me: theyre actually aromantic and this is about friendship now thank you
Text
On the topic of love
(And how romance is not the be all and end all)
Warnings: None
Ship: Analogical
Plot: Virgil loves Logan and Logan loves Virgil, but romance has never quite fascinated them both. (QPR!Analogical) (Asexual!Virgil) (Aromantic!Logan) (Mentioned hyper-romantic and polyamorous!Roman)
Written for: @creativity-killed-thekitten and @softestvirgil (Yeah I saw u in the comments of that post)
It starts with a question, the first of many “Logan? Are you...gay?” Now it’s not as if anyone had assumed he was straight in the first place in all honesty, if you were part of this group it was assumed by them and everyone else that you were in fact, gay. It had only just dawned on Roman that whilst the other members of the group quite often discussed their sexuality, Logan had never done so. Roman also never knows when a question shouldn’t be just asked outright as he receives a swift elbow in the ribs from Virgil. 
“Not particularly,” The elder remains unfazed by the question however as he takes a sip of his coffee and leans back on the chair “I don’t actually experience romantic attraction at all, I believe the term is Aromantic,” Roman let’s out a ‘huh’ noise and looks down at his own drink before he decides that he had no idea that such a thing existed. 
“Cool,” he finally says with a shrug, his attention taken elsewhere. 
Virgil however, is digesting the information slowly. Unlike Roman, who loved everyone he came across romantically, possibly the perk of being A) hyper-romantic and B) Polyamorous, Virgil didn’t often find romance something that interested him. He knew he wasn’t Aromantic, he still occasionally had romantic feelings, but for him, platonic love was first and foremost.  
The youngest mulls this over in his mind for days after the situation before he simply bites the bullet and goes to Logan himself to talk more. Honestly, now that he’d thought of it he’d never actually seen Logan romantically invested in anyone; in high school whilst Roman and Patton had been endlessly gushing about boys, Logan had found books to be far more interesting. 
He’d known the other man for almost his entire life and he wasn't sure why he hadn’t put two and two together in the first place. “Hey L?” The elder hums in response from where he’s currently making two cups of coffee “Do you know what a queerplatonic relationship is?” Logan pauses for a moment with the spoon coming to halt in his hand as he searches his mind for an answer. Finally, he continues stirring and nods. 
“Yes, Virgil, I do,” He places the spoon in the sink and carries the two cups over too the breakfast bar, taking a seat opposite the other as he hands his coffee over “Is that what you came here to discuss?” Virgil nods “Well, I feel a queerplatonic relationship is possibly the only relationship other than generalized friendship that I could actually take part in,” He takes a sip of his coffee and makes a noise of discomfort as it burns his tongue. “When I first discovered Aromanticism as a term that I identified with, it frequented many of my searches,” Virgil, always the worrier, worried that Logan had gone through all that searching and looking for answers by himself. He wondered how Logan had felt then, had he been scared? Lost? Had he thought there was something wrong with him? The questions go through his mind before he finally settles on ‘Why didn’t he ask us for help?’ 
He supposes it’s because Logan is Logan. He’s never once asked them for help and he doubts he ever will. And all those questions may be questions Virgil wants to ask but he knows they’re not ones Logan’s going to want to answer. So he doesn’t ask. Maybe one day Logan will simply bring up the topic himself.
“Would you be interested in a QPR?” Virgil asks tentatively, his eyes focused on the coffee as it moves around in the white porcelain cup. Never before has he been interested in ceramics, but today was not too late to suddenly care about the texture of cups. 
“Correct me if I’m wrong Virgil, but it does seem like there’s a part of that sentence that’s gone unspoken,” Virgil finally dares himself to meet Logan’s gaze, but finds only a small smile on his lips “If you’re asking if I’m interested in a Queerplatonic relationship with you Virgil, the answer is yes,” Virgil feels the nervous feelings drift away just a little, like a rock easing up off his chest. Logan offers one of his rare genuine smiles and Virgil can’t really resist but smile back. 
They establish their boundaries as they go, Virgil had already made it known before he’d even hit the end of high school that he was Asexual and that sex was a big no for him; Logan, despite not being Asexual did not find sex to be a particularly interesting thing. Their relationship was not mutually exclusive, so should Virgil fall in love with someone romantically, Logan was all but happy for him to do so and vice verse if Logan wanted to seek experiences that Virgil could not provide outside of their relationship, Virgil was more than happy to let him (Even encourage him to do so). 
They both liked the quiet, it was their most common factor. Virgil would curl up beside Logan and the other would play with his hair and read to him in an otherwise silent room. Sometimes they would just lie together for a bit, Virgil would play on his phone and Logan would read or watch TV. It’s a comfortable existence when you have a friend who is there for you all the time, Virgil’s Anxiety would sometimes make its waves and Logan would know how to calm him down immediately. Something a little different from normal friendship. 
There was more continuity for a start, they’d see each other almost every day and Virgil would all but fling himself onto Logan’s couch whilst the other listened to him talk about just how long his day has been. They talked more, cuddled a lot, and sometimes they’d just exist in the same space in content. Logan especially became more open with the things he’d previously not been comfortable to talk about with anyone. Virgil eventually got answers to his unasked questions. 
“When I first thought about being Aromantic, I didn’t know what it was,” Logan starts, his eyes drifting from spot to spot on the wall and never at Virgil; he was anxious and this was a trait the violet-haired man could spot a mile away, his head rests on Logan’s shoulder to offer some quiet comfort. “You understand that I have always felt like I don’t fit in with other’s, even with the friendships I achieved throughout my life I’ve always felt like I was different for a multitude of reason’s,” Virgil nods, he had after all known Logan since they were very young, he hadn’t been blind to the comments others made about the elder boy. “I felt out of place my entire life and this was simply another reason why so it didn’t cause me much distress but I would be lying to say it caused me none at all,” Virgil gives the other man's arm a squeeze to show he is still listening.
“I know you, and I know you’re likely to be feeling like I should have told you or Roman or even Patton and you would’ve helped,” Virgil nods to show that Logan is correct “But if I’m being honest I felt like this was too small of a problem to consult you on, around the same time you were opening up to being Asexual, Roman had three different relationships that he was trying to balance and Patton was having a sexuality crisis that would have been too much stress, I didn’t want to interfere with your journeys in an attempt to figure out my own,”
Virgil softens a little, realizing the gap was there for him to talk as he gives Logan’s arm another firm squeeze. “I think you’re too kind Logan, sometimes,” It makes the man in question snort a little considering his entire life he’d been told the exact opposite “We can’t change the past, but in the future I want you to know no matter how big or small the problem is, or how distant or close we are, I will always be happy to help you,” The elder gives a small smile and kisses the top of Virgil’s head gently. 
“Thank you, Virgil,” He hadn’t quite known he’d needed to hear those exact words, but he quietly thanks his own ego for putting itself in check long enough for him to talk about it. 
Not long after, they curled up together on Logan’s bed. Logan, with one arm around Virgil’s shoulder, catching strands of his hair and twirling it between his fingers, hums whilst his eyes peer through his glasses to read the words on the open pages of the book in his free hand. A cup of coffee is going cold on the windowsill as Virgil slowly forgets it’s even there, his focus on the phone in his hand. He likes the comfort, he decides, the closeness, it could be intense sometimes but at the same time, the platonic intimacy was something he never really wants to give up. He smiles slightly and closes his eyes, allowing the darkness (Lit only by Logan’s calm blue reading lamp) to take over his tiredness, lulling him slowly to sleep. 
((asdfghjkl I hope this was okay? I’ve only ever been in one (1) QPR before so I hope I did okay with the representation! I know lots of QPR’s can be very different))
Taglist:
@analogical-mess //  @unikornavenger // @mycatshuman // @creativity-killed-thekitten//@theresneverenoughfandoms //@charmingprincey//@aclickonapostwillchangeyourlife//@heck-im-lost//@k9cat//@stilljittery//@romansleftshoulderpad//@sanderssideslibrary //@max-is-tired//@therealmoshar//@punsterterry//@trashypansexual//@miserykillme//@demigodnamedathena//@sevencrashing // @misunderstood-shadow // @aphriteblack // @jemthebookworm // 
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hey baby won't you look my way (i can be your new addiction)
Chapter 7: gays you ever just ahsnfdjsl?? part 1
Chapter Summary: Holiday parties are planned, Cheryl and Toni are Kevin's sapphic moms, an intervention is held, Alice and Hermione are adorable and everyone loves them, Kangs has some news, and Sweet Pea runs away from his problems.
Notes: theMANtle: reggie
ao3
Friday, 3:17 PM
gays united
hbicheryl: its winter break!! finally a respite from the chaos!!
jugheadalones: im so excited!
hbicheryl: hold up, hobo is excited about something??
hisshissmotherfucker: ^^ jones are you sick
jugheadalones: okay, first of all fuck you
jugheadalones: second of all im excited to return to the near-comatose state i maintain every time we have a long period of time off from school
nopeaz: that makes more sense
veroffica: as enjoyable as that likely is to you, holden caulfield, it won't be happening this break. i'm hosting a christmas eve party at the pembrooke starting at 8:00 pm and you are all invited.
veroffica: and you'd better all show up, or else i'll sic my new bodyguard on you.
goingtoheller: i assume you mean betty.
wannabett: guilty :/
spillthefogarTEA: ill be there. and NOT because of your threats
spillthefogarTEA: even though betty is kind of intimidating
goingtoheller: i'll come as well.
nopeaz: cher and ill come too
hisshissmotherfucker: i love parties im there
jugheadalones: i dont suppose i really have a choice do i?
wannabett: not really. sorry jug
jugheadalones: fine.
hbicheryl: speaking of holiday parties
hbicheryl: new years eve party, thistlehouse, time tbd, if you arent there youre dead to me
veroffica: b and i will be there.
spillthefogarTEA: me too
goingtoheller: i'll be there.
hisshissmotherfucker: i hear cheryls parties are infamously dramatic
hisshissmotherfucker: so im definitely coming
hisshissmotherfucker: as long as i dont end up doing seven minutes in heaven with archie like veronica
veroffica: will nobody ever let me forget that??
hisshissmotherfucker: nope
jugheadalones: why do all these party invites come with threats of retribution if you dont attend?
hbicheryl: bc if there wasnt then youd never come
jugheadalones: ill come. begrudgingly.
nopeaz: and ofc ill be there obviously
jugheadalones: wait am i missing something? why is that obvious?
hbicheryl: oh right we didnt tell you lol
hbicheryl: tt moved in with me
goingtoheller: WHAT??
goingtoheller: my sapphic moms moved in together aND I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA??
hisshissmotherfucker: why is keller suddenly chonis kid when did this happen??
hbicheryl: please kevin is basically toni and i's love child
hbicheryl: he has my sass (well not as good as mine but hes trying), my gayness, and my strange desire for dumbass serpents
nopeaz: and my propensity for saying 'this is riveting i cant breathe'
goingtoheller: aw, thanks, moms! mostly! :)
nopeaz: no problem son
hbicheryl: yes we are very proud of you kev (mostly)
jugheadalones: huh i never actually thought about it but that... works?
wannabett: okay cheryl and toni are like the least qualified people here to be anyones lesbian moms?? theyre literally gang members??
hbicheryl: stfu nightmare smurfette do not EVER criticize my parenting skills
hbicheryl: toni and i have slaved for weeks, even MONTHS to make sure that kevin turns into a proper young gay man
hbicheryl: and you have the AUDACITY to suggest that just because my gf and i are deeply flawed people we would corrupt poor kevin??
wannabett: uh... no?
hbicheryl: thats what i thought
nopeaz: wow angry cheryl is scary but hot
spillthefogarTEA: topaz, you are so whipped
spillthefogarTEA: and REALLY fucking gay
nopeaz: yeah ik
jugheadalones: moving on
jugheadalones: speaking of people taking a big step and deciding to live with each other... betty and veronica, we need to talk.
veroffica: um... what?
veroffica: is this some sort of intervention?
hisshissmotherfucker: yes
spillthefogarTEA: moving in together might be considered friendly if, say, betty didnt already have a house that she lives in
nopeaz: but this decision is beyond simple friendship
hbicheryl: and its certainly anything but heterosexual
wannabett: why are you guys finishing each others sentences?? did you plan this??
hisshissmotherfucker: no shit sherlock
veroffica: how do you guys even have this information??
goingtoheller: we have our ways.
wannabett: archie somehow saw our texts through my window
wannabett: jughead told me last night, sorry i didnt tell you v, i didnt know that this was going to happen
nopeaz: dammit jones why do you have to ruin all our fun!!
jugheadalones: i didnt realize that this was a rule?
jugheadalones: so anyway
jugheadalones: b&v, now that you have been confronted with cold hard proof of your undying love for each other, what do you have to say for yourselves?
wannabett: guys im straight!!
goingtoheller: ooh, betty's pulling the straight card.
hbicheryl: i called it! tt, sp, fangs, and jughead, you all owe me $10
hbicheryl: cousin betty is nothing if not predictable in the face of her sexuality being questioned
veroffica: hey, you made bets on this?? not cool!
wannabett: ^^^^
wannabett: and i am NOT predictable!!
hbicheryl: i predicted she was going to say that
hbicheryl: thats another $10 guys
hisshissmotherfucker: for once i trusted in someones willingness to admit when they were wrong and now because of that cheryl is robbing us blind! smh never again
spillthefogarTEA: veronica? you never answered the question
veroffica: uh...
veroffica: i mean, um...
veroffica: we've never even kissed! i'm pretty sure we aren't dating!
nopeaz: to be fair though i wouldnt be surprised if you two were dating without knowing it
veroffica: guys, now really isn't a good time.
jugheadalones: mmmhmm
wannabett: no seriously v and i are getting ready for the christmas eve party
wannabett: its in three days remember
hbicheryl: ugh fine i suppose thats a reasonable explanation
veroffica: and since i know that you won't let this go, at the party you can ask us whatever you want about this.
goingtoheller: wait... for real?
wannabett: uh yeah really v??
veroffica: within reason, of course.
spillthefogarTEA: wow this is more than i expected to come from this
veroffica: one condition, though. you can't pester b and i about it before the party.
veroffica: deal?
hisshissmotherfucker: deal
wannabett: now that thats settled v and i are going to get to work
veroffica: we'll probably be off the grid until maybe a few hours before the party.
[wannabett is offline]
[veroffica is offline]
hbicheryl: toni and i are already headed over to pops, anyone want to join us?
jugheadalones: wont we just be three-wheeling?
hbicheryl: not if we are in a large group
hisshissmotherfucker: ill come if you come jones
jugheadalones: sure.
hisshissmotherfucker: ill be there in five
[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]
jugheadalones: kevin, fangs?
spillthefogarTEA: im good
goingtoheller: ^^
nopeaz: okay otw
[nopeaz is offline]
[hbicheryl is offline]
jugheadalones: leaving now
[jugheadalones is offline]
6:35 PM
nopeaz: GUYS YOULL NEVER BELIEVE WHO JUST WALKED IN
spillthefogarTEA: who is it??
spillthefogarTEA: tell me you know im not good with suspense!!
jugheadalones: its alice cooper and hermione lodge!
hisshissmotherfucker: it seems as though archies intel was correct again
hisshissmotherfucker: damn that omniscient fucking northsider
hbicheryl: now i really wish that betty and veronica werent offline so they could hear about this
goingtoheller: why? do you hate them?
hbicheryl: hate is a strong word
hbicheryl: id say that i just occasionally want them to suffer
goingtoheller: that isn't much better...
hbicheryl: i guess ill just have to wait until the party to tell them
nopeaz: okay so they just got a booth and its basically diagonal from ours
jugheadalones: but theyre so enamoured with each other i dont think they even noticed that were here
hbicheryl: wow i dont think ive ever seen aunt alice this happy before
spillthefogarTEA: ugh this sounds so adorable i wish i was there
hisshissmotherfucker: dont worry well narrate their every movement so well itll be like you are
nopeaz: oh shit they keep reaching for each other like every five seconds
spillthefogarTEA: im WEAK
jugheadalones: its so hard to believe that they ever hated each other with the way theyre acting now
jugheadalones: homophobia can really fuck shit up huh
goingtoheller: this is the couple i never knew i needed, but now that i have seen that it's possible, i'm in love.
hisshissmotherfucker: im in shock i cant believe that the same alice cooper that grounded her daughter from any and all contact with the outside world is now just essentially the personification of heart eyes
hbicheryl: this town is so small were all basically inbred
hbicheryl: next thing you know fp and fred are going to be fucking too
jugheadalones: okay i did NOT need that image
nopeaz: AHHHH THEY WENT IN FOR A KISS MAYDAY MAYDAY THIS IS NOT A DRILL
spillthefogarTEA: AHHHHH
goingtoheller: AHHHHHHH
nopeaz: AHHHHHHH
jugheadalones: even i, being asexual and aromantic, have to admit that im loving living vicariously through these two
hisshissmotherfucker: k so they stopped
hisshissmotherfucker: wait no theyre kissing again!
hisshissmotherfucker: and again!
hisshissmotherfucker: and again!
hisshissmotherfucker: okay now theyre just making out
nopeaz: get it girl(s)
hbicheryl: its getting pretty heated
hbicheryl: it feels like the windows are going to start fogging up
jugheadalones: oh damn they stopped
jugheadalones: ms cooper is waving pop over now
goingtoheller: is it creepy that we're so invested in their date?
spillthefogarTEA: probably not
hisshissmotherfucker: nah
jugheadalones: lets go with no
nopeaz: nope
hbicheryl: its only creepy if we get turned on
goingtoheller: moving on... what's happening now??
nopeaz: they got the check and now theyre paying
nopeaz: they can barely keep their hands off of each other
nopeaz: now theyre leaving
nopeaz: should i follow them to keep narrating?
goingtoheller: won't they notice??
jugheadalones: no theyve only got eyes for each other
jugheadalones: follow them SUBTLY while we hold down the table
nopeaz: roger that
hbicheryl: youre such a nerd
nopeaz: you love it
hbicheryl: duh
hbicheryl: now follow them!!
nopeaz: already doing it
nopeaz: so they made it to their car
nopeaz: okay wow wasnt expecting that but im not complaining
spillthefogarTEA: whats happening???
nopeaz: alice just shoved hermione up against the car door and now theyre hardcore making out
nopeaz: damn i wonder if theyre even going to get home or if theyre just going to do it in the parking lot
hisshissmotherfucker: i cant believe alice cooper and mayor lodge BOTH have better sex lives than i do wtf
goingtoheller: who knew that hermione lodge was such a bottom??
hbicheryl: well you know what they say about people in positions of power
hbicheryl: top in the streets bottom in the sheets
jugheadalones: wait cheryl that could apply to you as well
spillthefogarTEA: ooh is the class president getting the strap from the vice president
nopeaz: fuck off fangs
nopeaz: okay so they finally managed to regain some semblance of control
nopeaz: aaaaand theyre driving away
nopeaz: shows over folks
hbicheryl: lets clear out men
nopeaz: meet me by the bike cher
hbicheryl: be there in a sec babe xx
jugheadalones: wait are you telling me that cheryl blossom rode a motorcycle??
hisshissmotherfucker: yeah red i thought you said they were death traps
hbicheryl: well yeah but that was before i got on it
hbicheryl: its like a giant vibrator
hbicheryl: and riding it with toni is basically just the most acceptable type of public sex
goingtoheller: gross.
hisshissmotherfucker: never thought id agree with keller but yeah tmi
nopeaz: whatever
nopeaz: bye fuckers see you all at veronicas party
[nopeaz is offline]
[hbicheryl is offline]
jugheadalones: im headed out too
[jugheadalones is offline]
hisshissmotherfucker: me too
[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]
Monday, 6:43 PM
wannabett: b&v are back bitches!!
veroffica: and, looking through the chat from the past few days... i'm glad i was gone.
wannabett: although now i know what 'hot date' my mom was talking about :/
wannabett: even though i never wanted to know
wannabett: some things are best kept secret especially when your mom goes out on a date with your best friends mom!!
hbicheryl: youre welcome :)
veroffica: cheryl, at this very moment, i simultaneously respect, despise, and fear you.
hbicheryl: aw thanks thats what im always going for!
veroffica: anyway, the party will be starting in an hour or so, but some of my relatives will be over in the meantime. if you've got anything to say that doesn't involve the date my mom and betty's mom have, feel free. if you don't, go to hell.
hisshissmotherfucker: hey im in the neighborhood and i dont have anything else to do would you mind if i came over now
veroffica: sure thing!
hisshissmotherfucker: are you sure your relatives will be fine with me being there?
veroffica: yeah. i mean, betty's here too anyway!
hisshissmotherfucker: k
6:48 PM
goingtoheller + veroffica
goingtoheller: hey, would you happen to have some time you could set away during the party? fangs and i have an announcement we'd like to make.
veroffica: sure thing, kev. how does around 10 sound?
goingtoheller: perfect. thanks, v!
veroffica: no problem.
7:22 PM
gays united
hisshissmotherfucker: rn betty looks like she cant decide whether to be a guard dog or an excited puppy lmao
jugheadalones: context?
hisshissmotherfucker: veronicas greeting her relatives and bettys following her so closely shes practically stepping on her heels
goingtoheller: well, v is definitely holding betty's leash.
nopeaz: yeah veronicas got her by the collar
spillthefogarTEA: if betty doesnt watch her step then shes really going to be in the doghouse
wannabett: stop with the dog puns!! i am not a dog!!
hbicheryl: okay but you have to admit those were pretty good
wannabett: i will admit no such thing! now if youll excuse me im going to go back to talking to ronnies relatives with her
[wannabett is offline]
hisshissmotherfucker: i guess ill keep you all informed on their gay shenanigans
nopeaz: who even says shenanigans anymore??
hisshissmotherfucker: uh i do fight me
nopeaz: square up bitch
hbicheryl: if i had a dollar for every time tt and sp said that they were going to fight i would have enough money to rebuild thornhill
goingtoheller: cheryl, you're the one who burned it down in the first place.
hbicheryl: yes and??
goingtoheller: ...nevermind.
hisshissmotherfucker: im snoRTING
jugheadalones: what happened?
hisshissmotherfucker: so veronica was talking to one of her relatives right
hisshissmotherfucker: and the relative asks her if she has a boyfriend
hisshissmotherfucker: veronica laughs a little and says no so her relative looks at betty whos still trailing behind her like a shadow
hisshissmotherfucker: and knowingly says "oh i see, a girlfriend"
spillthefogarTEA: ajklfshagak i cant even
hisshissmotherfucker: both of them are sputtering uncontrollably unable to formulate a response im dying
hbicheryl: ahahah it was only a matter of time before something like this happened but im really glad it did
nopeaz: i mean relatives are supposed to know you better than anyone else right?
jugheadalones: oh b&v you oblivious wlw
goingtoheller: we're never letting them let this down, are we?
spillthefogarTEA: not a chance
hisshissmotherfucker: IT GOT BETTER
hisshissmotherfucker: veronica finally managed to speak and she (unconvincingly) insisted that she and betty were just friends etc etc and her relative just raised her eyebrows and went "mmhm"
nopeaz: drag themmmmm
hbicheryl: omg we stan
hisshissmotherfucker: im trying to stifle my laughter bc betty and veronica look like they want to murder me
hisshissmotherfucker: but you know what screw it its worth it
hisshissmotherfucker: oh shit bettys coming over here and she looks pissed
hisshissmotherfucker: hello punks, this is betty. i hope youve had your fun listening to sweet pea narrate everything but now im taking his phone and wont be giving it back until the party starts
[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]
jugheadalones: awww
goingtoheller: at least the party starts soon anyway. then, i'm sure we'll get even more beronica fodder.
jugheadalones: true
hbicheryl: see you then losers
spillthefogarTEA: back at ya cheryl
7:48 PM
nopeaz: cher and i are on our way
goingtoheller: fangs and i are leaving now.
jugheadalones: and im at your door at this very moment
jugheadalones: let me in
jugheadalones: okay great im in
hisshissmotherfucker: and i just got my phone back
hisshissmotherfucker: i will not stand for this tyranny! this is a republic not a monarchy!
wannabett: keep it up and im taking your phone back
hisshissmotherfucker: the oppression continues...
wannabett: sweet pea...
hisshissmotherfucker: fine
[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]
veroffica: now, let's get this party started!
10:03 PM
spillthefogarTEA: hey guys i know this is fun and exciting and all but would you mind congregating out in the living room? ive got some news
hisshissmotherfucker: anything for my best bro
jugheadalones: sure thing
10:07 PM
hisshissmotherfucker + theMANtle
hisshissmotherfucker: hey mantle are you free rn
theMANtle: yeah, you want me to come over to your trailer?
hisshissmotherfucker: yep im on my way there too
hisshissmotherfucker: see you in ten?
theMANtle: none of your friends will be there, right?
hisshissmotherfucker: nah theyre all still at veronicas party they wont even notice that im gone
theMANtle: not that im complaining, but why arent you?
hisshissmotherfucker: i needed a break
theMANtle: so you were hoping that i could help you blow off some steam? ;)
hisshissmotherfucker: that was the general idea
theMANtle: youre in luck, then. i currently have a lot of free time and what many call an impressive amount of stamina.
hisshissmotherfucker: perfect
[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]
10:15 PM
gays united
spillthefogarTEA: hey has anyone seen sweet pea? i could have sworn that i saw him before kevin and i made our announcement but now i cant find him anywhere
nopeaz: hes probably just in the bathroom or brooding in the corner somewhere
hbicheryl: dont worry about him just celebrate! youve officially got a new boyfriend!
spillthefogarTEA: "dont worry about him" have you MET me??
goingtoheller: babe, he probably just got bored and bailed.
goingtoheller: i know that he's your best friend, but he isn't who you're dating--i am. can't you forget about sweet pea for a little while and just relax?
spillthefogarTEA: i guess so
goingtoheller: great!
spillthefogarTEA: ill just text sp real quick and attempt to verify that hes still alive first
goingtoheller: whatever you need to do, fangs. i'll see you afterward.
10:19 PM
spillthefogarTEA + hisshissmotherfucker
spillthefogarTEA: hey sweets, i just wanted to make sure you didnt do anything stupid
spillthefogarTEA: i know that you arent kevins biggest fan, but youre my best friend and i dont want to lose you over him
spillthefogarTEA: i wish you were here to celebrate with me but i get it if you cant
spillthefogarTEA: please, just text me back whenever you see this to let me know that youre okay.
[spillthefogarTEA is offline]
10:41 PM
hisshissmotherfucker: thanks for being so understanding fangs but ngl i dont know if i can handle you dating keller
hisshissmotherfucker: i mean like you said
hisshissmotherfucker: we're best friends
hisshissmotherfucker: so i shouldnt have a problem with you going out with whoever you want
hisshissmotherfucker: but something about him just rubs me the wrong way
hisshissmotherfucker: sorry if that wasnt what you wanted to hear
[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]
Notes: Sorry, this was supposed to just be a long holiday chapter, but I had so many ideas I had to split it into two. Bear with me, please! Also, happy new year, gays! As 20gayteen comes to a close, I hope you find even more peace, prosperity, and (of course) bisexuality in 20biteen!!
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rainbowdoom32 · 5 years
Text
So I'm going to start identifying myself as aspec. Previously I identified as a bisexual aromantic but upon furthur consideration I might be asexual.
I'm posting about this b/c 1) it puts it out there and makes the lable feel more real and tangible
2) I know some of y'all IRL or on a personal enough basis that I feel you should know
3) A queers need more visibilty in gen
4) cause I want to talk abouy it
So Idk how to do a read more and am on mobile so if you dont want to hear about what being aspec means to me start scrolling now
So. In the aspec community (do we have a better word?) theres an overwhelming discourse about sexual and romantic repulsion. For those of you who dont know thats when the idea of sex , sexual content, sex itself, the idea of romance, romantic gestures, and/or romantic content acts as a squick for you it creates some spectrum of a revulsion in you to be confronted with one or more of these things. Its an overwhelming discourse for many reasons but the one I want to talk about is that it makes it obvious that your ace or aro if your repulsed by sex or romance. The process for discovering your aspec identity is easier in a way, specifically in a way it isnt for me.
See I dont experience sexual or romantic repulsion. I like romance stories and porn. I actively seek these things out. I'm not put off by discussions of others romantic or sexual lives (specific aspects may repulse me but in general I'm interested in these especially when coming from people I care about). So naturally as a teenager I never considered myself as aspec. i considered myself bisexual almost immediatly (there was a thing where I thought I was tricking myself into thinking I liked women to be included in the queer community. More on that later) it took two very short very middle school esque (one took place my sophmore year) relationships and an accidental internet encounter with the concept of aromantisim for me to realise that the reason this wasnt working for me was because I didnt really want it.
The more I thought of myself as aro the more things made sense. At the slumber parties as a kid I never had a crush to confess. Those two failed relationshios? Guy friends I'd gotten real close to and thought my new stronger friendship feelings must be what romantic attraction feels like. Also the real sticker, I dont get jealousy in romance at all. Like that one goes over my head. I dont understand why cheating is the worst thing someone can do in a relationship to the point that people who've been sucked into a cycle of abuse and have become convinced everything is their fault will snap when they discover they were cheated on. That is absolutly mind boggling for me.
The point of that is I never got that ew ick romance feeling. As a reult the road to discovering I was aromantic was long and and full of doubt. Doubt that went along the lines of "Maybe I just havent found the right person". Which also happens to be the exact thing my mum says to me everytime I try to explain that Im aromantic to her. Bisexuality she understands and accepts. This she doesnt. So even though I know intellectually theres no right person for me that niggling doubt remains andit haunts me.
Now im going to devolve a bit here and I know what this sounds like but im seriously not trying to be offensive just explain something
See I read a fanfic recently. I dont remeber how I found it but it was a Stony fic and the story and the set up were very romantic cliche. Basically Steve was Tony's booty call it evolves to friends with benefits Steve falls in love. Textbook stuff. But see theres a wrench because the author identifies as aromantic is with the definition we have aromantic. They write their identity onto Tony. Thats something we do in fanfic and in writing. But the problem I ran into is this: the author identifies as aromantic because they experience romantic repulsion(yes they told me this) so in the fic Tony is in love with Steve but experiences romantic repulsion. The idea of romance of romantic commitment makes him anxious and sick. This is how the author feels FWB allows them to experience intimacy without triggering their repulsion. Identifying as atomantic makes them feel not broken. This so good right? This is why we have labels
Except. When I read this part of the story it hurt me. Directly. See Tong Stark has Daddy Issues. Ehen the author wrote about Tony's romantic repulsion narritevly they tied it into Tony's not nice childhood. I dont know specifically why it wasnt part of thwir explanation when I told them their story hurt me. I didnt ask. But this narritive decision made what was essentially was an author expressing their experience as an aromantic in a story feel like a personal attack against my aromantic identity.
See when I read that what I read was "Tony Stark cant commit to an actual relationship with Steve Rogers because Howard Starks Grade A parenting fucked up his ability to recieve expressions of love and his ability to commit. Tony Stark is in romantic love with Steve Rogers but his childhood trauma prevents him from expresing it in the traditional manner this is what being aromantic is"
That hurt. Because it hit that little doubt in my head about not having met the "right person" and mixed it up with some childhood trauma made you a broken person. It also hit me while I felt safe. Romance stories are my escapism. Their like an extra element of fantasy in a story for me. I specifically seek out romantic stories as a comforting mechanism. Fanfics in particular because of their inclusivity. I was in my safe space, and I was whammed in a sore spot.
The problem is though the author has a right to that story and that label and to express themselves. We usually draw the line at self expression where it hurts other people but thats not what happened here. What happened here was definitial confusion. The author and I were using "aromantic" to describe two different but similar romantic orientations. In doing so we hurt each other ironically in the same way. We both said to each other "Your identity is wrong and toxic you hurt people and yourself by expressing it the way you do". (I left a comment saying how her story affected me)
When I say I'm aromantic I mean I experience no romantic feelings. None nada zilch. The idea that I might one day experience a type of romantic feeling is an aggression against me. The same way the idea that gay people can choose to be straight is an aggression against being gay.
But I can't invalidate someone else to protect myself. What do I do? I dont want to hurt myself and I dont want to hurt other people? Idk
And now to why I no longer identify as bisexual.
I'm a virgin. Because most peoples first time is with someone their in a romantic relationship with. And we'll I dont do that. Im also a socially anxious person. I have no idea how to instogate a sexual encounter and honeslty I wouldnt feel comftorable dping it with someone I couldnt trust or alternatively someone I'm friends with and would have to continue being juat friends with in post we had sex awkwardness. So ive never had an opportunity to have sex.
But I also havent sought them out. And I dont feel particularly driven to. These are reasons to think your asexual but I'm sure it's also the experience of many introverted and secually awkawrd people. And it's not like I couldnt have sex at some future point. Even now if an opportunity arose I might say yes, of only to confirm my asexuality.
The thing that has made me actually consider if I'm ace tho is a weird quirk of mine. I cant get off to prom videos. I use lit erotica. Why? Cause the idea that those are real live people puts me off. Porn stars and amateur porn makers know people get off watching their videos. Theyre okay with that. But I'm not. At all. Thats a big ol nope for me.
See I'm a ciswoman. Which means I have a clitoris. An organ whose only purpose is to provide pleasure. As everyone knows reciving pleasure via the clit requires no participation by a second person. The fact that my clitiros functions as intended and that I use it isnt sexual attraction.
Thats a new idea for me. But it's true isnt it? Sexual attraction is about other people. And sure I can appreciate other people's hotness. But just because I think a horse is pretty doesnt mean I want to fuck it. Remeber that thing about thinking I was faking bisexuality?? I was right. I wasnt sexually attracted to women. But what I hadnt bothered to consider because of heteronormativity was that I wasnt sexually attracted to men either.
Other fun fact in case you might be an ace person who's read this far (why? Also hi Katie and possibly Sadie but definelty Nishat. No im not implying any of you are ace) I dont have sex dreams. But I do have dreams in which I masturbate. So stick that jn your pipe and smoke it.
Anyways these are all experinces that I have that I feel neccessry to share to make it so the repulsion story isnt the only one out there. And also to start a discourse about how experiencing and not experiencing repulsion affect aspec experience. Thanks for reading!
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