#me: hey what if i wrote a piece reconciling the parts of me that are constantly fighting about my now gender and my past gender but i | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

writeforfandoms · 3 years

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Merry Go Round of Life 2

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Part two of the Howl’s Moving Castle AU! There will still be a blend of movie and book in this chapter. Still no Din, but we do meet a couple others! (I’m very curious to see your guesses about the as-of-yet unnamed certain scarecrow.)

This will eventually be a Din Djarin x f!reader.

Warnings: Nothing much. A little unspecified swearing.

Chapter two: In which we meet a fire demon

You stood there for a moment, stunned into silence. What had just happened? Curse? What curse?

Shaking your head, you moved from behind the counter to go lock the door, only you couldn’t seem to walk as quickly. Indeed, you were almost… hobbling? Concerned now, you looked down at yourself. Was the ground closer or was it just you?

And then you froze at the sight of your hands. Your hands were thick-knuckled, knobbly, wrinkly, with prominent veins. You blinked down at your own skin, confused for a moment, and then you rushed (as well as you could) towards the floor-length mirror you had set up for customers.

A little old lady stood in the mirror, in your blue dress, with white hair. She looked about ninety - a little hunched, knobbly all over, with wrinkles everywhere. You blinked, and the reflection blinked.

“Is that me?” you murmured out loud, and then jolted. Your voice didn’t sound right - a little more scratchy, something. It sounded off. You touched your fingers to the mirror and stared. The reflection was wearing your dress, so unless the mirror had been enchanted…

But no. She’d specifically said that you were under a curse.

“That’s really me, isn’t it?” you asked yourself. As the realization faded a bit, you felt oddly calm. Almost detached. With a low groan and a series of creaks and cracks, you hobbled over to the door to flip the sign to closed and lock the door.

Well. This was… something.

You creaked and cracked and groaned your way up the stairs to your apartment. There were no wizards or witches in Kalevala, you knew this. So there would be no one to help you here. Which meant there was no point staying, honestly. Wizards were notoriously unreliable, from what you’d heard. You had no guarantee one would come even if you sent a letter begging them.

So, clearly, the best choice was your next one: go find one. Surely if you found a wizard (or witch, you weren’t going to picky) one would help you, right? And of course there was still the mysterious wizard of the moving castle around, not far from Kalevala at all. Surely you could convince him to help.

So you wrote a letter to Omera (in shaky handwriting that you had trouble reconciling as yours). As promised, you couldn’t write anything about the curse, and ended up wasting a few pieces of paper because of that. Finally, you gave up on that and simply wrote that you were taking a few weeks to travel for inspiration.

Inspiration. Sure. Omera was going to read that and get half the town in an uproar. But it was the best you could do on such short notice.

That done, you gathered up some food and your favorite cloak. You locked your apartment, and sealed a spare key in with the letter to Omera, which you left on the shop counter. Omera had a key to the shop - she’d let herself in once someone realized you were gone.

(Someone would realize, right? Right. Of course.)

With a faint wistfulness, you patted the shop door, and set off to find a wizard. Fortunately, though you’d aged quite a bit, you still seemed hale - your legs worked fine (after a few more cracks), and though you were slower than usual, you were able to get around just fine.

The walk out of town to the hills was… something. It was odd. You’d left the town exactly once before, to visit your other sister Cara in the capitol once. But even then, you’d had transportation, and Omera beside you. Leaving on your own with nothing but your pack? It was frightening, and new, but somehow liberating. There was no expectation here. No inherited dress shop to run. No expectant clients to appease. No gossip to listen in on, or ignore.

It was quiet.

Once out of town proper, you started climbing the hills. There were dirt roads up here for the farmers that lived out this way, and for now you just continued along those. You took a couple breaks, sitting on the side of the road to take a drink or eat a nibble, always turning to look back at Kalevala.

“It doesn’t look so far away,” you muttered to yourself. “I could probably throw a stone into the nearest chimney!”

Heaving yourself upright again, you started on again, until you spotted what looked like a stick. A walking stick, maybe. You could use one of those.

Hobbling over, you grabbed the stick and managed to wrestle it free from the hedge along the road. Only it wasn’t a walking stick. It was some kind of scarecrow. You hefted it upright (with perhaps a muttered swear or two) and then squinted up at the scarecrow.

“Why is your head a turnip?” you asked, rhetorically. “Ah, well. Not a walking stick after all. Too bad, my friend. May you find a better field to stand in.”

You continued on your way, grumbling a bit to yourself. It was getting late - the sun had not yet set, but it was low in the sky. Your daylight was limited, and you had no idea where you would bed down for the night.

You stopped for supper on a low rock, sitting and stretching out your legs with a low groan. You could still see the town quite clearly.

“All this walking and I’ve barely left home,” you grumbled. “This wizard had better be able to help me.”

You gnawed on your food, stuck somewhere between melancholy, anger, and resignation. But you were far too stubborn to turn back now. After all, what did you have left to lose? Certainly not your good looks. You chortled at yourself for that.

You had just gotten to your feet again when you spotted a likely-looking stick. Hobbling carefully over to it in the dimming light, you pulled a nice walking stick out of the hedge. It was a bit tall for you, but smooth and sturdy.

“Now this is a fine find!” you muttered. “This will be a great help.”

And with that you marched on. You were panting as you reached the top of the hill and you paused to look around. The land out here really was beautiful - rolling hills dotted with farms. Although you could see something moving towards you. Something big. Something big and grey and oddly bulbous, not very like a castle at all, actually.

The wizard’s castle ground to a stop not far from you. It was odd, round where it shouldn’t be, not as tall as you expected, and an odd color. It was almost metallic, although surely it wasn’t actually made of metal. That would be preposterous.

“Well, I wanted the wizard,” you told your stick. “I suppose I should go knock.” You started towards the castle, searching for a way in. There wasn’t one immediately apparent. It wasn’t until you hobbled around to the back that you found a door, and eagerly started towards it.

The castle started moving.

“Will you slow down?” you gasped at the castle, hobbling as fast as you could. You managed to tap on the door with your stick, stumbling a bit and falling behind momentarily. With one desperate hop, you managed to grab the doorknob. Another hop and a skip got one foot on the doorframe, and you pushed the door open. Two more skipping steps got you in the castle, and the door slammed shut after you.

Your first impression of the inside of the castle was… not favorable. While it wasn’t a total mess, it was cluttered. The large table in the center of the main room had objects strewn across it. More things lay on the floor, largely shoved into corners out of the way. (You didn’t quite dare to look too closely at these items.) A large fireplace dominated one wall, with a cushy armchair in front of it. Troubles momentarily forgotten, you made straight for the chair, sinking into it with a grateful groan. These old bones hurt more than you thought possible, but the warmth of the fire was slowly helping.

“What a curious fire,” you mused to your walking stick. “Why, it’s almost got a face. Curious indeed what these wizards can do.”

“No wizard did this,” the fire snapped back at you.

You blinked. The fire blinked back. There was a riot of bright red flames atop the face, and the face itself was vaguely feminine, all in yellow and orange with a touch of blue at the eyes.

“The fire speaks?” you asked, sitting up straighter.

“Yes, the fire speaks,” the fire spoke. “The fire also has a name. You can call me Peli.” The fire puffed up a bit.

“Peli,” you repeated dutifully. You were still not convinced you were somehow hallucinating this.

“So what brings you out here? Not many are willing to wander out so far away from the town, or so close to Tattooine.” Peli leaned forward a bit.

“I’m seeking a wizard,” you told Peli. You noticed the logs in the grate were almost burned up, and leaned over to heft a new log into the fire.

“Oh that’s nice,” Peli hummed, settling in on the new log. “Why do you need a wizard? Oh, wait.” The fire looked you up and down, very obviously. “Aha! You’re under a curse, too!”

“I am,” you agreed. “What do you mean, too?”

“I am also under a curse,” Peli told you, lowering her voice. “But I can help you, if you help me.”

“You can break my curse?” you asked, caught between eagerness and suspicion.

“‘Course I can!” Peli boasted. “I wasn’t always stuck to this grate, you know. I’m a very powerful fire demon.”

“So I see.” You yawned. You couldn’t help it. You’d been traveling all day, the fire was warm and felt good on your old bones, the chair was comfortable enough.

“Hey. Hey! Will you help me or not?” Peli hissed.

“Alright,” you agreed, half-asleep. “I’ll help you, if you promise you’ll help me.”

You missed whatever Peli’s response was. Your head tipped back against the chair and you were out like a light.

#merry go round of life #the mandalorian x reader #din djarin x reader #din djarin x you #howl's moving castle au

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panharmonium · 3 years

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@bloomiii asked: Hey! Do you think merlin actually hates Mordred?

Heya! I’m assuming this is a follow-up question to the ask that @once-and-future-gay sent me the other day, and I gotta say, I love this question just as much as I did that one, so thank you! :D It’s a great ask - relevant one, definitely, for Season 5.

I have kind of a lot to say about it, so I’m going to put most of this reply under a cut, but the short answer is this:

No, absolutely not. I don’t think Merlin hates Mordred.

I think Merlin hates himself.

I wrote in the previous post on this topic (which I think this ask is a response to) about the actual reasons why Merlin is in conflict with Mordred, none of which are based on personal dislike and all of which come back to Merlin knowing that he has to prevent Mordred from killing Arthur, not out of a selfish personal desire to keep Arthur safe, but because Arthur’s survival is supposed to be the thing that is going to bring peace to the land and liberate the magical world.

But Merlin, as I said in that post, does not want to be in conflict with Mordred. He likes Mordred. He says as much, to Gaius. He cares about Mordred as someone who shares his oppression, as shown in the beginning of the Disir. He agrees to keep Kara a secret from Arthur, at the beginning of 5.11. And Mordred’s philosophy - “the love that binds us is more important than the power we wield” - is literally as close to Merlin’s own as it can be. That is exactly how Merlin, at his core, sees the world.

Everything Merlin does to Mordred, he does for no other reason than that he thinks he has to. (And I discussed in that other piece how Merlin is not foolish or mistaken for thinking so, either - important to keep in mind.) But all of the things he has to do go completely against his nature, and by the time we hit the end of 5.11, I really feel that Merlin has descended into a pit of self-loathing that the show, because its ending is so poorly constructed, never allows him to climb out of.

Every decision Merlin is forced to make about Mordred makes him hate himself a little more. The decision to let Mordred die in 5.05 is visibly traumatizing for him. He takes no pleasure in leaving Mordred behind for Morgana in 5.10. And 5.11 is the ugliest, most soul-killing situation Merlin has been confronted with yet - he is torn between doing what he truly wants to do and what he feels like he has to do, when Kara comes into the picture. He initially tries to hide Kara from Arthur, because there is no part of him that wants a Druid to be captured and harmed, even if she was with Morgana’s forces. Mordred tells Merlin, “she’s one of us,” and Merlin agrees. “Your secret is safe with me,” he says (and those are sacred words for Merlin; they’re exactly what Lancelot says to him in 1.05; this is not something Merlin would ever promise lightly). He doesn’t betray Mordred’s secret, and when Kara is captured (through no fault of Merlin’s own) Merlin is the one who originally urges mercy, telling Arthur, “you’re breaking his heart/you’ll lose his trust” when Arthur claims he has no choice but to pursue execution.

However, after that, when Merlin learns that Mordred plans to escape with Kara, he boomerangs back to “he’s going to run to Morgana and then he’s going to kill Arthur and I am not allowed to let that happen/magical and godly forces have all told me that the entire fate of Albion and the future of magic all depends on me preventing Mordred from killing Arthur.” And so he tells Arthur that Mordred is planning to escape, ultimately leading to Mordred and Kara’s recapture.

But THEN, after THAT, when they’re back in custody - Merlin urges mercy yet again. He tells Arthur to “free them both.” He says, “How will one more death bring about the peace we long for?” Merlin does not want Kara to be killed. He does not want Mordred to suffer. He does not want any of this to have happened; he did not rat Mordred out because he wanted to; he did it because he truly believed (for legitimate reasons) that he had no choice. Like I talked about in that previous post - Merlin, at this point in the show, feels that his life has no purpose beyond the fulfillment of the destiny that has been prophesied. He has come to see himself as a tool, with no intrinsic worth or value beyond what he can do to ensure Arthur’s survival (and thus the establishment of peace for all people). He hates the things he’s supposed to do, but he literally cannot see an escape for himself. This is just what he was “born” to do.

Even as far back as Season 3 we see this helplessness growing in him:

You feel trapped. Like your whole life has been planned out for you, and you've got no control over anything, and sometimes you don't even know if what destiny has decided is really the best thing at all.

Merlin, in 5.11, doesn’t feel like what destiny has decided is the best thing. But he also has reached a point where he feels like he has to do what he was told. He’s seen the future. He’s been told by multiple magical and divine sources that Arthur is the Once and Future King who is going to build the “the world we dream of.” And so he does things that he thinks will enable that future to arrive (like preventing Mordred from running away with Kara), but because these things go so completely against his nature and cause him such pain, he then whips around and says, “Don’t kill her. Let them go.” He can’t help himself from slipping back into the kind of person he truly is on the inside.

He is trapped between his true self and what he feels is an inescapable duty. And every step he takes away from his true nature makes him hate himself more.

Kara’s interview with Arthur, where she refuses to repent her “crimes” in exchange for her life, has one of the most telling, devastating shots in the show, when she says, “It is not a crime to fight for the right to be who you are.” The camera, in that moment, is trained on Merlin’s face, not hers:

That is done on purpose. The cinematography is trying to say something. It wants us to look at Merlin and listen to Kara’s word’s and hear the contradiction. It wants us to recognize that Merlin is dying inside. The absolute MISERY locked down in his expression here! He has been forced to do things that seem to work against the very goal he’s been told he’s trying to achieve (to have the right to be who he is), and it’s been going on for so long that it’s shattered his soul. He listens to Kara being able to say that, proudly, without fear, and he hates himself for not being like her.

But he can’t see any way to escape the things he knows he’s supposed to do. So ultimately, at the very end, he does nothing, and Kara’s execution proceeds.

He despises himself for it, and when Mordred escapes and runs to Morgana, Merlin’s only reaction is a dull, hollow resignation. He doesn’t blame Mordred for whatever’s going to happen next.

He blames himself.

This is, yet again, another reason why the Merlin finale is garbage storytelling.

It makes no narrative sense for the show to give us 5.11, which ends with Merlin in quite possibly the darkest and most miserable, conflicted spot he has ever been in, and to then start the next episode with him having a raucous good time at the tavern. Merlin, after what happens with Kara and Mordred, is not going to be out laughing and cheering, playing dice, and making casual, tongue-in-cheek, meta jokes about his secret like it isn’t the most painful and soul-destroying burden he’s ever had to carry (“Ah, I knew you’d discover my secret in the end. There is just no fooling you, my lord!”). It is inconceivable for him to be out partying, after the previous episode. It’s insulting to me as a viewer, that the writers thought they could show this to me as if it’s an even remotely rational direction for the story to go, as if I’m not going ask “what the HECK is going on???” when I see Merlin gleefully stumbling home like a drunken frat boy, without a care or concern in the world.

There is ZERO tonal consistency between the end of 5.11 and the beginning of 5.12. It’s horrendous writing, and it’s why I continuously say that Merlin BBC does not actually end, it just STOPS - abruptly cut off after 5.11, with a slapdash two-episode finale tacked on, one which does not actually resolve anyone’s arcs, or address any of the central questions of the show, or follow where the narrative was naturally heading prior to that point.

Merlin’s arc with Mordred is what finally takes him to a place where he is irrevocably, inescapably confronted with the conflict that he has been struggling with from day one - how is he supposed to justify the things that Destiny is asking him to do, when what it’s asking him to do seems to be hurting the very people he’s trying to help? How is he supposed to reconcile his responsibility to his people (and HIMSELF) with an externally-imposed responsibility to protect Arthur? He’s been wrestling with this cognitive dissonance for years, and 5.11 is the inevitable crisis point - Kara is dead, Mordred has defected to Morgana, Merlin’s secret is OUT, and Merlin has never hated or doubted himself more. It makes no sense for the beginning of the next episode to show us Merlin living it up at the tavern. Merlin is tortured, at the end of 5.11. He’s dying inside. The next episode was supposed to be a natural progression from that moment, meaning Merlin should have had the chance to finally confront his conflict head-on, rather than having it all completely wiped away by the pile of garbage that was the finale.

The correct fallout from Mordred’s “turn” should have been a reckoning. Merlin never wanted to be in conflict with Mordred in the first place; he hated himself for everything he had to do, and I really think the end of 5.11 took us to a place where Merlin had finally been pushed over the edge; it was the last straw. The only correct progression from that point would have been change, and Merlin was finally desperate enough to do what he needed to do to find himself again and make things right, but we never got to see it, because the people in charge decided to completely abandon every complicated question they’d been pursuing, in favor of “actually Arthur’s the good guy and we’re gonna pretend we didn’t just spend an entire episode reminding people how Camelot is still an unjust place.”

I don’t understand it. The same people created 5.11, too. They wrote Kara’s righteous speech. They framed her execution as an evil, and they framed Mordred’s flight as something Merlin and Arthur brought upon themselves.

And then they did a 180 and dumped every ethical question they ever raised. They never let Merlin find his feet or hold his head up high, and I’m honestly never going to forgive them for that.

#the once and future slowburn #meta #the druid boy #replies #merlin S5

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jpegjade · 4 years

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Missing - Spencer

Requests:

Hey! I just thought of an idea where Spencer and the reader are dating but no one on the team knows, but when the reader goes missing or gets hurt or something they all figure it out??

Hi! I have a request 🥰 Could you write something where the reader gets captured by an unsub and spence/the team save her just in time??

Warnings: Aight yall, we’ve got some unsub angst. Light talk about the case and really angsty shit. Kidnapping. If you feel like you’re not able to handle it at any point while you’re reading, stop reading! Mental health first!

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“SON OF A BITCH.” Reid yelled for the third time this morning.

He was panicking and no one on the team could figure out why this was affecting him so badly. They knew you guys were close friends but you were close with everyone on the team. You were the second resident tech genius in the building but you were out in the field, on the trips, as a way to get another handle on things. They thought this would affect Penelope more than it would affect anyone else but Spencer wouldn’t calm down.

It had been 12 hours since you had gone missing. It wasn’t like you to stop answering his calls, ignore his texts, or leave the house. You were happy, overjoyed just to be with him. You wouldn’t take off like this. This wasn’t like you.

“Reid, calm down.” Hotch said for the third time. .

“She isn’t the type to just run off or go anywhere without letting me know. She’s a little paranoid considering the last time she stopped contacting us was because she was kidnapped. And now this.” Reid was pacing and he wouldn’t stop moving.

“We need to look at the victimology. Treat this like we would treat any other case, no matter how closely it hits to home for all of us.” Hotch said, pulling up the file.

There wasn’t much to find. Penelope went through your emails, nothing strange. Just a lot of fanfiction about bands, movie characters, tv shows. You even wrote some occasionally.

Morgan and Reid checked your apartment for any clues. Nothing out of the ordinary, no signs of struggle. There was nothing to suggest that you were anything but normally living there.

JJ and Hotch looked at any recent kidnappings in the area that might have been similar to yours. Of course, they put out an APB with local police but there was nothing to suggest that you were in distress.

Your mom didn’t know where you were and you didn’t have the best relationship with your dad in the past but recently, you were trying to reconcile. That was odd to him but he admitted that he liked it. None of your immediate family could tell Spencer a thing about you and he wondered how in the world they could call themselves your family when they knew almost nothing about you. You had mentioned you weren’t close to anyone anymore but he didn’t think it was this bad…

Sitting in the parked car, Derek looked over at Spencer. “I hate to say it, I really do, but maybe she just took off. Maybe she went on a last minute vacation and-”

“She wouldn’t do that. Not to me.” Spencer said, realizing he was making it really personal. “We’re her family. She wouldn’t just run from us. We have to find her.”

“What’s up baby girl? Tell us something good.” Derek said, answering the phone.

“I would love to go back and forth with you but you’re three blocks away from y/n’s cell phone. It’s moving so wherever it is, that’s where she is. Sending you a location stream now.” Garcia hung up and Derek saw exactly where the phone was.

He drove like hell to get to you. Spencer’s heart raced so fast that he could barely believe it. This came out of nowhere. When Garcia tried to find your phone earlier, it was turned off so there was no signal. Thank god your phone came back on but there was something nagging at him. Why did your phone come back on when whoever took you was so careful to make sure you couldn’t be found. Maybe they wanted you to be found.

The address led to a parking garage. As painful as it was, Morgan had to climb slowly up the garage to see everything. For the most part, it was empty because it was getting late. The sun was setting and in this part of town, everything closed early on Fridays. Each level seemed like it took forever to climb up until they reached the top of the garage, where you were standing near the ledge. THere was someone with you, a hooded figure.

“FBI, step away from the girl.” Morgan said, hopping out of the car with his gun raised. Spencer raised his as well, already expecting this to go south.

You were calm, quiet. You turned around slowly and gave Spencer a knowing smile. Spencer’s heart sank. He knew that smile. You were scared but doing your best not to show it. You wanted to show him that whatever happened, you would be okay with it. Everything was going to be okay.

“How nice of you to show up.” The hooded figure stepped behind you, using you as a shield. You felt something solid press against your back and you froze. Your smile faltered and Spencer saw it. You were terrified and trying hard to not spur the unsub on, not communicate to Spencer.

“Okay, here’s what’s going to happen.” Spencer said, slowly stepping forward, gun trained on the unsub. “What you’re going to do is step away from my girlfriend and come with us where we will take you in and get you the help you need. All you need is a little help.”

The unsub took the gun from being pressed to your back and pointed it at your head, resting on your temple. Your breath hitched in your throat as you tried to focus on Spencer. You had to keep your focus on Spencer or you wouldn’t make it. Tears streamed down your face, steady and unrelenting, but you tried your best to keep your breathing steady.

“You think I forgot. You think you could move on from me. You thought I wasn’t going to track you down and ruin your life, didn’t you, Spencer Reid?” It finally clicked for Spencer and his blood ran cold.

There was a girl he broke up with a few years prior. She was absolutely crazy about him and he was crazy about her until the relationship started going sour. It became something that Spencer didn’t recognize and when she started getting into this really dark stuff, Spencer ended things. Gently, of course, but she was devastated.

“I wanted so damn long for this. I’ve been watching you, watching her. Watching you look at her the way you looked at me. I’ve been planning this for years and you didn’t even notice. You were so consumed with this piece of trash that you didn’t realize what was happening.” The unsub pressed the gun harder to your head, the cold metal on your skin.

“Spence, baby. It’s okay.” You said, smiling a sad smile. You knew what was going to happen to you next and you weren’t scared. You were at peace with everything. The man you adored and loved was there for you the whole time. He never stopped looking. You didn’t have to die alone.

“Baby. You make me sick.” The unsub said, making a gagging sound.

It pissed Spencer off how it sounded like a game to the unsub. Leah. Her name was Leah. And he remembered every moment with her, good and bad. But you know what else he remembered? Maeve. He remembered trying to reason with the unreasonable and Leah was definitely unreasonable. He wasn’t going to make that mistake again.

He tapped the right side of his gun twice. He watched your eyes widen in recognition.

“I love you, baby.” You said, smiling a sad smile. You knew he was going to try to save you but if it didn’t work, then he needed to know how you felt.

“This is going to be fun. Taking her away from you is-” That was the last thing Leah said before a loud pop sounded and her body dropped to the ground. Head shot.

You crumpled to the ground, body wracked in sobs you had been holding in all day. You were inconsolable and terrified, even though the worst was over. Morgan looked at Spencer as he ran over to you, bringing you into his arms.

“I’m right here. I’m right here.” He kept repeating as you continued to sob. Loud and heavy, you were in shock and just kept crying.

Soon enough, an ambulance came. You guessed Morgan called for one. The EMTs put you on a stretcher and gave you a shot of some cocktail to help you get some rest. Spencer rode with you to the hospital, holding your hand the whole time. Even sedated, all you could think about was how good Spencer looked in his bulletproof vest. Damn, the boy filled out.

“You’re mine…” You said before blacking out.

At the hospital, once you were situated in a room, Spencer went out to meet the team in the waiting room. Everyone looked relieved when he told them you were sedated but were going to physically be okay. Spencer left out that you weren’t going to be mentally okay for a while because that part was implied.

“So, Morgan tells me you’ve been keeping a secret from us.” Hotch said, crossing his arms.

“I fell in love with her.” Spencer said, looking down at his converse.

“Well, next time you have important information to disclose, such as a relationship to the victim in one way or another, be upfront about it.” Hotch said.

“Aww,” JJ and Garcia said as soon as Hotch was done.

“I’m looking for Mr. Reid.” A nurse came by the waiting room said. “Your wife is awake.”

“Oh she’s…” The nurse turned around and started walking Spencer to your room. Spencer assumed you told them the two of you were married so he could come back and see you past visiting hours.

“Hey wifey,” Spencer said, giving you a kiss on the forehead.

“Yeah, she was going to kick you out if you weren’t married to me or related. We look nothing alike so I went with the latter. And I really need my husband right now…” You said, a fresh tear rolling down your face.

Spencer wiped it away with his thumb and climbed into bed with you. The only sound coming from the tv. You were about to say something when he started getting sleepy again. Before you or Spencer could talk about everything that happened, you were asleep again. Peacefully asleep and safe in his arms.

______________

Tags:

@winchestertardis

@ancailinaerach

#dr spencer reid #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer x reader #mgg #criminal minds #angst #spencer reid angst

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aimeelouart · 3 years

Note

For the meme questions, could you answer number 8 and 15?

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Oh my GOD it was so hard to choose. That one part at the end of Care and Feeding chapter 6, with Seph grooming Cloud's wings, was definitely in the running. But I think the award goes to one of my old works under the account I panic-orphaned, Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death

Hood swayed a little bit, still not looking away from the Gotham skyline. “Yeah,” he agreed. The lack of anger in his voice was quickly becoming more alarming than relieving. “He’s dead. It’s—it’s enough. It’s finally enough.”

Perhaps, had the inflection in his voice been different, Batman would have been hopeful that Jason was finally turning away from his violent path, was finally willing to come home and begin reconciling with his family.

Instead, Jason’s words sent a sudden, foreboding chill down Batman’s spine. The entire scene took on a different significance to the older man—the painkillers, the lack of armaments, the location, all of it, and Batman was not prepared for the conclusion he came to. He took a deep, steadying breath of the biting winter air before he spoke.

“Hood,” he commanded uneasily, clenching his hands into fists, “move away from the ledge.” It had to be the opiates in his system. He had taken too many and it was impairing his judgment. This couldn’t possibly be intentional.

Jason finally turned to look at him, and Batman’s heart stuttered in his Kevlar-protected chest. The younger man’s eyes were hollow and deadened, his entire posture speaking of an aching, bone-deep emptiness. The jacket, Batman realized numbly, wasn't actually bulkier; it was the thick, messy bandages that crossed Jason's entire torso and neck that gave the appearance of bulkiness. Most were soaked through with blood, and the tops of his pants were stained crimson as well.

“What if I don’t want to?” he whispered.

Sadly I can't copy the whole fic in because that's Excessive, but the dialogue of this piece...MMM. I loved writing it. I love re-reading it. It still makes me tear up. I wrote this when I was still a teenager and yet it remains so punchy. And everyone yelled at me for it, which is always a good sign.

15. If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose?

Hey, Asshole! No contest, it has to be Hey, Asshole! because I want to see an FF7 COMEDY, babey! Would HA actually translate well to a screenplay? No probably not. But man would it be fun to watch someone try.

#ask meme asks #ask #written reply #whew we digging up some OLD fics #thanks for asking!#this was delightful

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mindmeltonabun-blog · 3 years

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Tale of The Nine Tailed: Analysis and Theories

First and foremost, I would like to give my sincerest praise to the cast and crew of Tale of The Nine Tailed ! It is simply a wonderful and very thought provoking show! I strongly recommend it to everyone!

Now, I’m going to forewarn you all that this post will be very LONG, but hey you might learn a thing or two and be able to draw your own theories and/or conclusions after reading this post! I had previously posted some of these connections/theories on my Twitter, but I figure hey why not post them on Tumblr too !

What Is An Imugi/Imoogi? What Is It’s Goal?

In Korean folklore, Imoogis are lesser dragons that look like big snakes or kind of like a basilisk from Harry Potter.

One of an Imugi/Imoogi’s main goal is obtain a “Yeouiju” or a celestial orb which allows it to become full fledged celestial dragons which can rule the skies. In the context of TOTNT, there is such a type of “Yeouiju” in the form of Lee Yeon’s fox bead. Therefore, I believe that the ultimate goal of the Imugi/Imoogi is get Lee Yeon’s fox bead.

Side note, I kind of think that the Imoogi not only wants to rule the skies, but the ground too. I wouldn't be surprised if he sought to do so by raising an army of zombies (maybe thats who Lee Yeon was seen fighting in the intro credits) !

Why be content with just ruling the skies when you can rule the entire world? Additionally, he could have further ambitions to not only rule the world, but to also rule all realms like the heavens and the Underworld.

The Imoogi is very strategic into getting what he wants. By strategic I mean that he likes to use people as leverage or use their own weaknesses against them.

Therefore, I believe what happened originally during Ah Eum’s time is that the Imoogi had possessed her body in order to get Lee Yoon to hand over his fox bead. The Imoogi knew how much Lee Yoon had loved Ah Eum and would be willing to do anything for her.

However like Voldemort, the Imoogi did not anticipate the power of love and sacrifice. Ah Eum had temporarily gained control of her body long enough to do either two things: ask Lee Yeon to kill her or run into Lee Yeon’s sword thereby killing herself. In either cases, she fulfilled her promise to Lee Yoon which was that she would always protect him.

Now jumping back to the present time, we know that original target of the Imoogi’s plan was Ji Ah. Why? Because his lame self wanted to do what he did in the past and use her again to get Lee Yeon to hand over the fox bead. However, this time around, Ji Ah had Lee Yeon’s fox bead inside of her which offered protection from full possession by the Imoogi. So then the Imoogi’s minion (tv station president) took the next best thing which was Ji Ah’s parents to be used as leverage at a later time so that Ji Ah would hand over the fox bead.

However, things have now changed because Ji A gave away the fox bead to the fortune teller to save Lee Yeon. Now I have mixed feelings about this situation. On one side, I find it romantic that she’s willing to give up anything to save Lee Yeon. On the other side of it, I’m like girl why are you so stupid?! Lee Yeon literally gave up his mountain title in order to give Ah Eum/Ji Ah that fox bead. It’s almost like Lee Yeon’s actions were met in vain. Plus, when Ji Ah said she doesn’t believe in destiny or that sort of stuff, it also got me riled up because it was a contradiction to the whole premise of her character in the first place. From the get go, the writer wrote that Ji Ah believes in the supernatural and mystical. So then why wouldn't she believe in fate and destiny?

Anyways back to more analysis. Without the protective effects of the fox bead, Ji Ah can once again be possessed by the Imoogi.

What the fox bead had done for Ji Ah was that it protected Ji Ah from the effects of the Imoogi piece aka horcrux that was inside of her. The notion that the bead had offered protective effects can be seen when Lee Yeon first gave it to her where a protective shield was erected and this was again seen in ep4 when Ji Ah cried. Also, it was confirmed when Sato said how Lee Yeon’s fox bead was meant to protect all beings, but instead Lee Yeon chose to use it to protect only one person.

The Fortune Teller’s Message

Something of particular interest is what the fortune teller told Ji Ah about the bead. He told her that even without the fox bead or moon, her life is still “blessed”. I think what the fortune teller meant by this is that even without the protective effects of the bead, her life is still “blessed” because she will always have Lee Yeon by her side to protect her.

What I think will happen next is that Lee Yeon will go back to the fortune teller to try and get his bead back. Meaning Ji Ah will probably confess to Lee Yeon later on just what exactly she gave up in order to get him back. And again the fortune teller will ask for something precious to Lee Yeon. There are a few things that are precious to Lee Yeon such as Ji Ah, Lee Rang, and Lee Yeon’s immortality. Now we know that Lee Yeon would never give up Ji Ah, so then this would bring about other two things into play: Lee Rang and Lee Yeon’s immortality. I think its more of a poetic justice if Lee Yeon trades Lee Rang in. However, I could also see Lee Yeon trading in his immortality since his dream has always been to become human. Who knows though!

Only One Will Live: Imoogi Vs Ji Ah and Lee Yeon vs Ji Ah

In Harry Potter, there was a prophecy that “for neither can live, while the other survives”. This same message is conveyed when it comes to the Imoogi & Ji Ah and Lee Yeon & Ji Ah.

We saw what had happened the first go around when the Imoogi had possessed Ah Eum. In the end, Ah Eum chose to sacrificed herself so that both the Imoogi and the piece of him inside of her would die. Thereby, she prevented the Imoogi from using her to get Lee Yeon’s fox bead. Now presently, the same situation is basically happening again. However, if Harry Potter managed to kill the piece of Voldemort in him and still survive then Ji Ah can essentially do the same. So, how you might ask? I think the solution greatly lies in getting the fox bead back in her. If Ji Ah can temporarily die in order to get rid of the Imoogi piece inside of her, then she can be revived by the protective qualities of the fox bead.

Even if Ji Ah survives against the Imoogi, it might be at the cost of losing Lee Yeon. The fortune teller even told our couple this, “If you two keep hanging out, one of you will die”. This same message is again heard in ep 7 preview when Taluipa’s husband tells Lee Yeon, “You or the girl. One must die in the end.” So can there be a situation where the Imoogi is dead and both Ji Ah and Lee Yeon are alive? Yes and it comes in the form of the Lee Rang factor.

The Lee Rang Factor

We all know that our little puppy, Lee Rang, may put up the facade that he hates his brother, but in reality, Lee Rang loves his brother a lot.

There was a clue dropped in ep.4 that hints in the end Lee Rang will be the one that saves both Lee Yeon and Ji Ah.

The hint was in Taluipa’s hand, the movie “A Better Tomorrow”. Briefly, the movie is about two brothers, Ho and Kit, who love each other a lot. However over the years, they began to develop great animosity and resentment towards each other mainly due to their differences in beliefs and professions. Ho was a criminal while Kit was an upstanding police officer. Eventually, Ho does see the error of his ways and seeks to atone for them. In the end, the two brother reconcile and Ho decides to join his brother Kit on a path of righteousness. Similar to Ho, I think Lee Rang will do the same. Lee Rang will atone for his mistakes and thus sacrifice himself to save Lee Yeon and Ji Ah.

What is Ji Ah?

Seems like everyone these days has been wondering what exactly Ji Ah is. Most people seem to think that she is part Imoogi. However, there has been a bunch of clues in the episodes that answers this question.

I believe Ah Eum/Ji Ah is Princess Bari, the first shaman goddess from Korean mythology.

Princess Bari was nicknamed the “Abandoned Princess” because she was the last and 7th daughter of a King who had no sons. Due to her gender, she did not receive any attention from her parents and was thus abandoned.

Eventually, her parents’ lives became endangered and in order to save them she had to travel to the Underworld to get the elixir of life. Such a tedious journey showed her deep commitment to the virtue of “filial piety” or one’s love and respect for one’s parents. She became a role model for many women during this time because she was willing to sacrifice herself for the very parents who had abandoned her.

As a reward for her strong adherence to filial piety, the Gods made her the first shaman goddess who’s job was to help and guide spirits.

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spockandawe · 3 years

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So! I got that question last night about whether my xiyao fic took place before or after Jin Guangyao killed Nie Mingjue and his father, and like I said, part of my immediate reaction was ‘I don’t know, does it even matter?’ but I wanted to shake that idea a little and see what else shook out, because I wrote that fic from Lan Xichen’s point of view on purpose, and there are all kinds of things he’s not aware of. I’m long-winded, have a cut.

From a practical pov perspective, it genuinely does not matter whether or not Jin Guangyao has done those particular murders yet, because Lan Xichen isn’t going to find out about it until after Wei Wuxian’s resurrection. With me writing from his point of view, he’s going to be a bit sadder after Nie Mingjue dies, but that’s not necessarily something that will noticeably impact this relationship, other than maybe cherishing his surviving sworn brother a little bit more. And maybe he’ll be a little more at ease after Jin Guangshan dies and someone he, trusts on a personal level is leading the Jin Sect, but that’s just an extra degree of complication to whether or not they could do a relationship period, and there was already plenty of complication to go around.

And on the level of a wider perspective, like..... does it matter if Jin Guangyao has done these two extra murders? Both of them went through the sunshot campaign and are very acquainted with all kinds of ugliness and death by now. Jin Guangyao was a double agent under Wen Ruohan, and in just the little piece of that we’re shown, we see him very casually killing some Nie Sect people to maintain his cover (or in case he needs to side with the winning team, whatever). And after the war is over and his father gives him his very conditional recognition, he gets pressed into service as his father’s torturer. He’s already up to his elbows in blood, and Lan Xichen knows that, and still canonically cares deeply for him and trusts him anyways, whether that care is platonic or not.

Also, as a side note, I have seen people who do give attention to those atrocities instead of just picking out two deaths from a whole cheese platter of them, and I find it really interesting how much less grace is given to Jin Guangyao than is given to characters like Wei Wuxian. Some of that is down to natural sympathy with a likeable pov character, but like... Lan Wangji witnessed the end of Wei Wuxian’s brutal torture campaign with Wen Chao, for example, but people don’t expect them to sit down and have a conversation about it, never mind have a moralizing conversation about how ‘wei ying, you know that was very naughty of you, and you’d better realize it was wrong and bad and never do it again.’ All of the characters except the youngest generation have lived through a lot of awful things, and that’s... numbing. I would be shocked to see any of them sit down and discuss it openly, never mind expect it from them before they’re permitted to be loved.

Now, back to JIn Guangyao’s murders. Would Lan Xichen knowing about those two particular extra deaths matter? Yeah, definitely. Lan Xichen also cared very deeply for Nie Mingjue, and having your father raped to death is all kinds of fucked up, plus there are the cultural taboos about killing your dad, etc. But I would also argue that in the story, Jin Guangyao tries shields Lan Xichen from the ugliest parts of himself. It gets a little complicated to provide textual explanations for this, because they both spend most of their time off screen, and I’m not going to get pulled into an long side tangent, but bear with me.

But just from a character perspective, it only makes sense. At a bare minimum, it’s protecting himself. He’s terrified of everyone and everything, he says. Nobody is more aware than he is of how precarious his social position is, and his father did nothing to help him with that. Lan Xichen likes him and trusts him, even though he knows some of the terrible things he’s done. So why wouldn’t Jin Guangyao shield him from the things that might turn Lan Xichen against him? And if self-preservation also aligns with not hurting Lan Xichen as well... Why wouldn’t he avoid hurting Lan Xichen? We see him handling him gently at other times, even after he was in a position where he could have used force. I do wish very much that we could have gotten in his head in canon, but reading into the motivations behind his actions is half the fun, so what do I know, haha.

I’m not going to convince anyone who’s like ‘bluh bluh jin guangyao never cared for a single person in the world beside himself’, but I honestly think that makes the character profoundly boring and also doesn’t make much sense. Even if he only ever cared for one (1) person beside himself (still think that’s a boring read, but hey), then that person would have been Lan Xichen. It isn’t a one-way street, where Jin Guangyao just takes and takes. He helped Lan Xichen rebuild he cloud recesses. Even if that got him a closer ally and stronger political alliance, it wasn’t a necessary gesture to make. Nobody would have criticized him for just standing by and not spending piles of money on the rebuilding. He didn’t help Lanling Jin the same way, after all. I’m getting lost down this rabbit hole, but my point is that while it’s not that hard to read mercenary motivations into any one single thing he does, there is a pattern of behavior in his treatment of Lan Xichen particularly, and that pattern makes the most sense if care and compassion are involved. Jin Guangyao’s motivations when it comes to Lan Xichen make the most sense when they’re at the intersection of self-preservation and affection, and other reads on him just are not nearly as compelling to me.

Anyways! Back on topic. If there’s a xiyao relationship while JIn Guangyao is Jin Guangyao, even if he hasn’t killed Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangshan yet, he’s... probably at least thinking about it. He’s maybe working on it a lil bit in the background. And one, he’s already an experienced torturer tho, and two, Lan Xichen already cares about him even though he’s a torturer. I think it’s actually much more interesting to try to determine where the story falls in terms of where Jin Guangyao stands in regards to Xue Yang. Is he actively collaborating with him yet? Is he actively providing him with materials? Even if Lan Xichen would have a hard time forgiving Jin Guangyao for what he did to Nie Mingjue, I also think he’s capable of understanding why Jin Guangyao was so terrified when it came to Nie Mingjue. Even if he didn’t agree with him in the end, I think he would be able to listen and understand. He would just go into a horrible conflicted deadlock of grief and emotions and withdraw to seclusion for the foreseeable future. I think it would be much, much more damaging to Lan Xichen to know that Jin Guangyao was feeding a supply of innocent people to Xue Yang for experimenting.

In the end, it’s rarely an interesting question to me of how many bad things a given character has done at any given point in a shippy story like the one where I got this question, because like... This fictional mass murderer from ancient fantasy china is still capable of love, so. Now, am I talking about JIn Guangyao? Or am I talking about Xue Yang? Wei Wuxian? Jiang Cheng tortured and killed a bunch of demonic cultivators, but like.... still want him to reconcile with his brother tho. What kind of boring reading would I be doing if nobody involved was allowed to make a bad decision ever? A chronic series of bad decisions? Xuexiao is so compelling to me because of the sheer amount of terrible decisions Xue Yang has made before he starts wanting to be loved. Wei Wuxian comes back from the dead exhausted and wrung out and dragged down by the weight of his first life. He’s confronted by people who are like ‘it’s your fault I lost my leg!’ or whatever, and Lan Wangji doesn’t pull away to be like ‘wow, that man is right, that is really terrible of you, let’s have a conversation until you tearfully self-flagellate enough to earn my love again.’

So the question about my fic doesn’t really have an answer. Has Jin Guangyao killed Nie Mingjue or his father yet? Idk! Haha, probably! Or he’s at least working on it, he’s a busy little bee. And none of that has any bearing at all on his ability to love Lan Xichen (except now that i think about it, their deaths would probably make it easier for him to have that conversation, because there are fewer external threats to his safety, and he has more space to consider voluntarily allowing more vulnerability into his life). Would knowledge of those deaths impact Lan Xichen’s ability to love him? They would make it a lot more hecking complicated, that’s for sure, but that is also the canonical seasoning of this relationship, platonic or romantic. And, incidentally, it’s the exact spice I crave. I would have no interest in this relationship if they were two perfect angels, I am here because Lan Xichen is an absolute doll, and Jin Guangyao both cherishes him above everything else and has deliberately done terrible things that wounded him deeply. That’s the appeal.

#the untamed #xiyao #mdzs #jin guangyao #jin guangyao x lan xichen #lan xichen x jjin guangyao #lan xichen #rape mention/#torture/

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soundsof71 · 4 years

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Jangly Women: A Spotify Playlist Based On A Tumblr Tag

So anyway, your pal and mine @niterunner tagged me to name 10 songs by 10 different bands, and rather than agonize over this for somewhere between 2 and 7 years (the average length of time it takes me to respond to these tag games), and when I finally answer reply with 56 songs instead of 10, I’m going the opposite way.

Instead of 10, I’m doing FIVE songs that I’ve recently pulled up for no particular reason, other than it’s summer as I write this, and summer means harmonies and HOOKS. I like my summer harmonies and hooks mid-tempo, with jangly guitars, thanks, so here ya go.

Why five? Because that’s how many videos tumblr will let me embed in one post. I’m including YouTube clips because I’m afraid that not enough of y’all know these songs. You really need to hear ‘em, and I don’t want your lack of access to Spotify to stand in the way.

Also, for once, I didn’t need to go into the depths of my archives to scrape up every detail. I happened to remember the stories for these off the top of my head, and in keeping with the summery, jangly, theme of these tracks, have kept ‘em short. For once.

And as I’ve mentioned before, regardless of what I blog, I mostly listen to contemporary women. I’ve been adding the tag “new classics” to some of these artists and songs as I’m not able to keep them off my blog any longer. LOL

It’s not that I don’t listen to dudes at all, but in general, my advice is to pay less attention to men and more attention to women.

(Says the man with his latest 1000 word essay. LOL Sorry. Listen to these songs, though, and let’s call it square.)

Any one of these songs might change your life. They’ve each changed mine.

Hole, Boys On The Radio (1998) I’m sure that you’re a lovely person, and I know that the universe is better for having you in it, but let’s be honest: none of us will ever do enough good in our lives to be worthy of Hole’s first three albums. I’m grateful to accept them for the gifts that they are, and to dedicate my life to trying to live up to the grace, wisdom, and hooks they contain.

There are days when I’d pick a couple of other tracks from album #3, Celebrity Skin, to name as my favorite, but “Boys On The Radio” is the one that inspired me to make this playlist. Jangle out the wazoo, and harmonies to the skies.

In your endless summer night I’ll be on the other side When the water is too deep I will ease your suffering

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Linda Ronstadt, I Can’t Let Go (1980) The version of this song by The Hollies that I first heard in 1966 knocked me flat on my ass, but Linda’s version landed on me like an atom bomb. The third single from her 1980 smash album Mad Love, it peaked at #3 on the Billboard singles chart.

The album as a whole set some mad records at the time: the highest-ever chart debut for an album by a woman at #5, and her seventh million-seller in a row, the first woman to do that too. (Heck, she was the first woman to have THREE in a row. She’d go on to make it 9 in a row, and 11 out of 12.) Mad Love also deserves its own essay, which will follow. Someday. LOL

It’s crazy to me that in her autobiography she pretty much brushes aside the entire decade of the 70s by saying that all she remembers is that she didn’t think her voice was good enough. INSANE, I tell you, but there’s no question that she took a HUGE step up here in 1980. This and the previous single from Mad Love, “Hurt So Bad”, rank in my mind as some of the strongest vocals that any human has ever laid to wax.

Plenty of other killers on the album too. It’s my favorite of hers by a mile – but the jangle keeps pulling me back here.

Heck, with the multitracking on “I Can’t Let Go” alone, she’s got a solid half dozen of the best vocal performances of all time!

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September Gurls, The Bangles (1986) The Bangles are a band with four lead vocalists, and this one is bassist Michael Steele’s high point. She’s the one who’d been pestering the rest of the group to record this Big Star cover, but have mercy, when they decided she was right, did they ever step up. The Big Star version is okaaaay, but this one is definitive. Susanna Hoff’s Rickenbacker here is one of my favorite guitar parts of all time, and Michael’s vocal is perfection.

I’ve been working on a whole essay about this one song, its making, and various versions of it over the years, so I’ll stop here for now….but this is AMAZING.

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Alien With A Sleep Mask On, Ratboys (2020) I’ve been a fan of Julia Steiner and Ratboys for years, going back to their origins as a duo with Dave Sagan. Rolling up as a four-piece in 2020, their album Printer’s Devil is a major leap up. Wall to wall hooks and harmonies, this album is a winner from start to finish that’s going to end up on any sane list of the year’s best. This is the song I keep coming back to, though, no doubt about it.

Like a lot of gorgeous, jangly songs, including the ones on this list, there’s an underlying sadness here. Julia herself is the alien, having a hard time reconciling herself to the choices she’s making….again.

Hooks to burn here, y’all.

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Bleached, Somebody Dial 911 (2019) Bleached were definitely my favorite discovery of 2019, but they’ve been around a lot longer than that: their first singles were in 2011, and their first album in 2013. I’m still making my way back through their discography, which is taking longer than it might because I just can’t stop listening to this 2019′s Don’t You Think You’ve Had Enough?.

The strummy hooks on "Somebody Dial 911″ remind me of The Cure’s “Friday I’m In Love” (which I get the feeling is intentional – see what you think). Like that one, the jangle, hooks, and harmonies mask an emotional intensity and a bit of danger that’s easy to miss if you’re just listening to the hooks and adding your voice to the irresistible chorus.

This was the first album that sisters Jennifer and Jesse Clavin wrote and recorded while both were sober, and the clarity they’ve gained binds boldness to vulnerability. When Jen sings “I’ve got to get out of here,” you’ll feel it to the depths of your soul.

It’s already one of my favorite songs of all time by anyone, which is why I mostly listen to new music. Who knows which new all-time favorites are out there waiting for me?

Somebody dial 911 Before I fall in love I always fall in love, oh no

The perfect jangly summer bop for people trying to keep their shit together for just one more day, playing for keeps in four four time.

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Hey you, reading this! Consider yourself tagged! And look for me on Spotify, @metropolitim. Let me know you’re there, and I’ll follow you too!

And hey, no worries if you’re following me just for pretty pictures of rock stars! Blacklist the “essay” tag, and you’re home free!

#classic rock #women in rock #tagged #me #personal #essay #hole #courtney love #celebrity skin #linda ronstadt #mad love #the bangles #michael steele #september gurls #new classics

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stina-is-a-punk-rocker · 3 years

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‘always and forever, lara jean’: a bungled mess of my thoughts while watching the movie

Alright, cards on the table: I never finished reading the book. I got bored a couple of pages in, so I just read up the summary on Wikipedia and called it a day.

Not gonna lie, I expected better from the movies. I loved the first movie; it was cute, it was fun, it hit all the right places. The second movie was… eh. Jordan Fisher is cute, so that’s a plus.

And then we got the third movie; the final in the To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before trilogy.

And it was somehow even worse.

Maybe I’m exaggerating. Despite its shortcomings in the plot and character development-related departments (the fact that Lara Jean wrote addresses for letters she never meant to send is something that will bother me on my deathbed), the movies have their merits. They’re cutesy and charming and enjoyable, overall; movie-LJ is sweet and unashamedly a girly-girl, which is a refreshing change from the #NotLikeOtherGirls, pick-me girls and bruh girls we had in loads of other YA movies growing up. Peter’s pretty cute, too; he’s not a possessive freak like so many other love interests (The Kissing Booth, After, Anna and the French Kiss), and his and Lara Jean’s dynamic is cute, too. Not to mention- we finally have an Asian lead whose Asian-ness isn’t the whole focus of the story!

Again, maybe I’m being extra with all this. The series is, at its core, solely for entertainment purposes. Not every piece of media has to have an underlying message and you shouldn’t need to read between every goddamn line to find something worthy of enjoying. They’re certainly helpful for whiling away a couple of hours; perfect for bingeing with a pint of ice cream in hand, and all of this is in good fun.

Also, it goes without saying, but: spoilers ahead.

The film beings with Lara Jean scribbling a postcard to Peter while she’s in Korea with her family. The inclusion of that little snapshot of Asian culture made me so happy- seriously, fuck everyone who says diversity in media doesn’t matter. I’m not even Korean, and I was overjoyed at seeing a couple of scenes just from the same continent I’m on. The K-pop music in the background was a fun touch, too (although all Korean music isn’t K-pop, but that’s a rant for another day).

(Also: Blackpink has so many more suitable songs than Pretty Savage that go with the theme of the movies. Kill This Love in the second movie while Lara Jean is getting ready to go to her boyfriend’s match is bad enough- they’re supposed to be in love in that scene, goddammit.)

One thing that bothered me throughout the movies is how obviously non-Korean Lara Jean and Margot look. It’s like whoever chose the cast went for any random Asian- Lana’s Vietnamese and Janel Parrish is half-Chinese, and it’s so obvious. You seriously couldn’t find two Korean-Americans who even vaguely resembled each other so they could pass for sisters? The actresses do a stunning job and I don’t want to shit on them, but I just wish they didn’t go with the ‘all Asians look the same, what’s the difference?’ mindset.

Also, a nitpicky thing I’ve noticed in movies with characters who read a lot: no one holds their books up while they’re reading. Your arms start to cramp, which is why you keep your book in your lap while you’re reading, or you rest on your belly and hold the book in front of you. My spine and shoulders didn’t suffer years of torture as a chronic reader for you to include characters who hold their books up while reading.

A major gripe I have with Always and Forever, Lara Jean is how the characters are almost jarringly out of character- not from the books, but from the two previous movies, too. Lara Jean didn’t have much of a character to begin with, so I can’t say much about her (she dissed Oasis at one point; it’s okay for me to be mean to her), but the rest of them are either caricatures of themselves or just totally different people.

Movie Peter >>> Book Peter. He’s almost too perfect (except for the fact that he unironically loves The Fast and the Furious, which… ew), almost too much of the ideal boyfriend. Not that my perpetually single arse would know. How do boyfriends even work? I wouldn’t know the first thing to do with one; how often should you feed it? Do you need to take it on walks?

(In the notes I’ve written towards the end of the film, I’ve complained about Peter being immature and making Lara Jean feel bad about following her dream to go to NYU. He confuses me.)

Not to mention how distractingly adorable Noah Centineo is from some angles and under certain lighting conditions (other times, he reminds me of the human version of Shrek and that bothered me). King of weird Tweets and Instagram captions though he may be, he’s got a really nice smile, and his gravelly voice is both parts sexy and disturbing.

But I digress.

I’ll never forgive the directors for what they did to Kitty and Chris- two of my favorite characters, from both the books and the movies. Kitty’s annoying to the point of being borderline unlikeable- gone is the occasionally snarky comic relief we all came to love; in her place is an annoying brat whose every line comes out forced. Also, making soap is fun; fuck you, Kitty.

Chris is essentially Dixie D’Amelio’s character from that TikToker Grey’s Anatomy ripoff; the main character in One Direction fanfiction from 2012 who doesn’t want to go to the concert but her best friend gets a ticket for her so she can’t bail but Harry Styles sees her in the crowd and falls in love at first sight and 50k of mutual pining and misunderstandings late, they get together. She’s cynical and snarky and hates capitalism and consumerism and prom (because of course she does), but secretly, she’s into it (because of course she is). My guess is that she’s there to appease all the arseholes (including myself) who accused the characters of being too one-dimensional, but it seems too out of place in a movie that doesn’t have much plot to begin with.

I really, really hate how Lucas was done dirty- throughout every single movie. Of course, it’s Lara Jean’s story so not every side character has to be fully fleshed out- but you’d think three. entire. movies. would be enough to give Lucas a bigger role than the GBF and the token black guy for the diversity brownie points. Every single time Lucas shows up, it’s to push Lara Jean and Peter’s story forward. I would’ve liked to see a romance for him pushed forward instead one for Chris- especially because he says, at one point in a previous movie, that it’s hard to find other gay boys, so it would’ve been sweet to see him find love- and Chris’s character arc could’ve been focused on reconciling with Genevieve. Instead, we see the OG Reggie from Riverdale be the one to show Chris the bright side of monogamy, and Lucas gets a date to prom as an afterthought (another darkskin black dude, so no one thinks the film is racist).

Genevieve’s character in this movie gives me whiplash. Look, I’m all for girls supporting girls- healthy female relationships are something way too many YA movies lack- but she goes from bitch queen extraordinaire to friendly the moment the next scene calls for it. Her character isn’t consistent. A redemption arc should be executed cleanly and believably; you can’t have a character be a total prick one moment and then suddenly be, “Hey, if you get into NYU, let me know,” the next.

And Genevieve’s still an arsehole to Chris; at one point, in NYC, while they’re at the NYU campus grounds (I knew that Lara Jean was going to go to NYU the moment she saw all the banners; I fucking called it), Genevieve tells Chris, “University is for people who actually have a future,” and I recoiled. I’m not the nicest of people and yet that was going too far. Chris doesn’t hesitate to shoot back a, “You peaked in high school,”, but still. Y i k e s. You can’t convince me someone’s turned over a new leaf when they say something like that.

Lara Jean’s dad (forgot his name; gonna call him Dr. Covey) is as unremarkable as ever, and his new wife (forgot her name, too… Trisha? Trina? Eh, something like that) is… unsettling. I mean, I get that they’re all loved up and twitterpatted, but there’s something about all the smiling they’ve got going on that chills me to the bone.

Also, Trisha/Trina kinda looks like TikTok’s ThatVeganTeacher and it bothers me.

Another huge problem with this movie even being made is that the series never had enough plot to continue onto a trilogy. Lara Jean’s letters are what the plots of the first and second movies revolve around; the third only mentions them in passing. The final love letter from Peter was a cute callback, but there’s a massive continuity issue with the first two movies and this last one- both character and plot-wise.

Maybe I’m not articulating this clearly enough, so I’ll use an example: take Harry Potter, for example. Harry’s main goal throughout the series is defeating Voldemort. And it takes all seven books for him to get there, to finally achieve this.

Lara Jean’s goal in the first movie changes midway; from keeping up the façade with Peter so she can avoid the crap with the rest of the letters getting out, to making her fake relationship real. It forms a bridge with the second movie; the letter that went out to John Ambrose, and her dithering between Peter and perfection (I’m not sorry). But what does the third movie have to do with any of this?

There were way too many music montages. You couldn’t go five minutes without a random pop song playing in the background, and it was annoying as hell. Don’t Look Back in Anger was w a s t e d on this stupid film. The artsy scenery shots were even worse- no, I don’t give a fuck about the New York skyline or a bird’s eye view of whatever vehicle Lara Jean is in. A few shots of Seoul would’ve sufficed; the rest was overkill. This movie is way too damn long already (almost 2 entire hours!!!); cut out a couple of those. No one cares.

I thought they’d pull the whole Aladdin trope with character-A-keeps-trying-to-tell-character-B-the-truth-about-a-lie-B-believes-in-about-A-but-B-keeps-interrupting, but Lara Jean (typing her name out is annoying, why couldn’t she have a single name, like both of her sisters?) comes clean earlier than I expected. Peter’s reaction about LJ not getting into Stanford is… uncharacteristically mature? No “Why did you lie to me?”, no accusations, not an ounce of betrayal. Which I did not expect from a guy who’s a little bitch for the greater part of book one (I really don’t like Book Peter, in case you couldn’t tell). I know fuck-all about book three’s Peter, so I can’t tell if he really did adopt this mature, well-adjusted persona, or the movie did it to make Peter seem like less of a dick (like they did it with the sextape-that-wasn’t-a-sextape in the first installment).

On a sidenote, how do these main characters in YA books get into really good colleges with zero to no visible effort? These arseholes fuck around for the entirety of the story and have way too much going on to actually do schoolwork, but they waltz into Ivy Leagues at the end. And apparently, I’m not the only one bothered by this.

There’s something to be said about how the movies don’t really sexualize minors (characters who are minors, to be fair. None of the MCs look anything like teenagers), though. It’s almost weird to see them not getting drunk and partying and having sex all the time. Maybe that’s why Lara Jean trying to get her hand on Peter’s dick felt so stilted and awkward (I cringed so hard when she kept trying to touch him and he kept pushing her hand away, holy shit).

And the kissing. It’s to be expected from a romance film, but there was so. Much. Kissing.

The amount of product placements (… actually, I could count only two: Apple and a pair of Beats headphones Lara Jean puts on at one point, but the movie shoved so many iPhones in my face that I’m obligated to exaggerate) would’ve made anti-capitalist Chris mad.

I’m guessing this all takes place in a parallel universe, sans the coronavirus. Still, being in quarantine this past year and being socially awkward for every other one, it was agonizing seeing everyone so close together in NYC. When Peter kissed the ball (lol) (I have the sense of humor of a straight boy in middle school, don’t judge me) when him and Lara Jean go bowling, I had a visceral reaction. And what are the odds of Peter meeting his estranged dad at the very same bowling alley?

Speaking of Peter’s daddy issues (I’ve written “Hardin but diluted” in my notes; I watched this movie at, like, 1 AM; I’m not entirely sure what was going through my head at that point)- I hated how they guilt-tripped Peter into giving his father another chance. In the wise words of Hannah Montana, everybody makes mistakes- but leaving your wife and two kids for another woman is pretty far from a little oopsie on Mr. Kavinsky’s part. I don’t blame Peter for hating him, and I’m not in a place to judge whether Mr. Kavinsky (does he get a first name?) should be forgiven or not, but I feel like they let him off too easy and made Peter seem like a misunderstood teenager with anger issues for not accepting Mr. Kavinsky’s (crappy) apology at once.

And it adds nothing to the story at all; Mr. Kavinsky peaces out after having one (01) coffee with his firstborn, and he’s never seen again. If you’re going to introduce a subplot, make it tie into the main storyline- the very least you could do is make it an important enough part of the story to have more than 10 minutes of the run time. It makes no sense as to why they’d bring up Peter’s dad in this last film, when he’s already gone through two perfectly fine. I guess it was a ‘tying everything up’ part… even though no one cared.

Lara Jean’s handwriting is surprisingly ugly for someone who’s written that many love letters. And her styling took a definite nosedive; her outfits in the first movie were so effing cute, but now they’re just… meh.

There are so many conversations and lines that the writers must’ve thought sounded good enough for someone to type out the quote in curly font and slap it on a screenshot from the movie to post on Instagram, but when it comes to the actual delivery, they just sounded… weird.

Peter says one time near the beginning of the film, “You know what I’m looking forward to the most in college? Never having to say goodnight,” because he expects him and Lara Jean to get into the same college.

But I guess the word they should’ve used was ‘good-bye’, because this just makes him sound stupid.

At one point, Lara Jean asks Kitty how much Kitty’s gonna miss her when she goes off to college, and Kitty says, “A four.” Later on, she confesses, “I’m gonna miss you a twelve, Lara Jean,” and all I could think was, “But we’re endgame, Archie!”

(In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t let people know I’ve watched Riverdale; it lessons my credibility.)

Still, there remains some good to be found: all the baked goods looked very delicious and made me crave chocolate chip cookies. Peter wearing the socks Lara Jean gifted him at the beginning of the movie was a cute gesture, and Lara Jean giving Peter her teal hatbox? The one she kept her love letters in? Was so? Cute? Help?

And hey, it’s a cliché that’s been done to death, but I’m always a sucker for that part in movies where the girl walks down the stairs in a pretty dress with her hand on the banister and the boy turns around and his mouth falls open and all he can say is, “Wow,”- and this film did not disappoint! Not to mention how cute both Lara Jean’s and Chris’s prom dresses were.

Dr. Covey and Trisha/Trina’s wedding was cute, too- I struggled to decide whether Kitty wearing a necklace that says ‘feminist’ and a tux is a bit too on-the-nose, but I’ve decided that it’s nothing to get my knickers all in a twist about (for clarification: it’s not the necklace or the crossdressing that made me debate this; I just wish they didn’t make a big deal out of it- I wish they didn’t have Kitty and Lara Jean get into an argument about her not wearing a dress, if that makes sense?).

And the final letter- the one from Peter to Lara Jean- I ate that shit up; it was so, so, so cute.

In conclusion (why is it so easy for me to crank out 3k about my thoughts on a Netflix movie and yet when it comes to English Lit. at school, I’d stare at a blank sheet of foolscap for ages?), did I enjoy the movie? Not really. There were parts of it that I liked, but it was overall too boring and I kept wishing I’d watched the new SKZ Code episode instead every few minutes.

But that doesn’t mean that it was bad. I kinda feel a little sad, actually, now that Lara Jean and Peter’s story has come to a close; To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, the first movie, is one of my favorites, and bitch though I might about them, the kinda grew on me… like an innocent plant, at first, but then like a fungus. Not a parasitic fungus, just not mutualistic, either… kind of like a commensal.

Maybe I should stop with the biology similes.

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rivalsforlife · 4 years

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AAA thank you for the commentary and also for the links for the art + the piece with kay giving miles a hug, i hadn't seem them!! miles really really needed that hug :C since you said you like doing commentary, i'm so sorry, but can i ask for phoenix and miles talking in the hospital in chapter 7? reading the commentary about The Scene made me rush to read it again right after haha take your time though, i get these are long to do and all!! thank you again!

Anonymous said:

Wait hold on I would purchase this DVD Director’s Cut Commentary on your fics in heartbeat! I only just realized that you were doing them. Sorry to be another catch up game request and sorry that it’s a somewhat long passage, but could you comment on the scene where Phoenix and Miles reconcile in Miles’ hospital room in chapter 8?

Got two asks for this one so I guess I have to do it haha! (And I’m assuming the first anon meant chapter 8 instead of chapter 7 haha.)

and also @\ second anon request I am so glad to hear that there’s a market for my 150 hour long DVD that’s me reading my fics and then rambling about them repetitively the whole time, maybe I can drop out of school after all! (jokesjokes)

Anyways!! the scene!! under the cut!!

I totally lied I have a few things to talk about first... this is probably one of the scenes I fiddled around the most with at the last minutes before publishing, because like I said in my commentary of The Scene at the end of chapter 5, it got a much bigger reaction than I was anticipating and then I was side-eyeing the rest of this fic to make sure it worked out haha. Particularly this scene, since it’s sort of the resolution to the end of chapter 5, so I wanted it to work out alright without it seeming like it just... wrote off everything that happened with chapter 5.

Okay I’ll start now I promise.

Phoenix’s heart pounded in his chest to a degree he thought might have something to do with a health condition. Maybe it was in the pamphlets. Kay reached around him, knocked on the door, and gave him a wink before darting away. How disrespectful.

meddlesome thief daughter is determined to help get her totally-not-a-dad a boyfriend. Also Phoenix is way more intimidated by the thought of an Honest Emotional Conversation than he is at running into a burning building which I think is in character, honestly.

“Come in,” said Edgeworth’s muffled voice, so Phoenix gave himself one moment to take a deep breath and then entered the room.

Edgeworth sat in the bed by the window, looking at his burnt and bent out-of-shape Steel Samurai figurine perched on the windowsill. At least it had been recovered; Edgeworth was fond of that one. Edgeworth himself was definitely worse for wear, with his hands bandaged and gripping tightly to his inner arms, and his skin a sickly pale colour where it wasn’t bruised, but he was awake and alive and the sight was nearly breathtaking.

hhghgh okay confession time! Up until I was about halfway through the fic the big moments in chapter 7 went down a little differently - originally this was going to involve, like, Miles getting kidnapped by the mafia group he was taking down and then Phoenix would go in and break him out of there, but then I ended up taking it out because I wasn’t really Vibing with it and it just seemed too dramatic and implausible... but honestly what I went with was probably equally dramatic and implausible, so no points there for me.

I mean I kinda regret burning down the prosecutor’s office. If I had more time to prepare/edit or I guess if I could do one thing in this fic differently, I’d probably rewrite part of this resolution so it was more emotionally oriented because I suck at action. plus like the health-related consequences of this whole misadventure kind of got glossed over, in true ace attorney fashion, but regardless.

This was absolutely caused by me not being totally sure what hurt/comfort meant (which chapters 7 and 8 were based on as a theme) and figuring to go with the safer option of more physical hurt/comfort than more emotional hurt/comfort; although some of that got in there at the end.

And one of my edits was definitely recovering the Steel Samurai figurine because that was the most critical thing in Miles’ office imo. Or at least from Miles’ perspective.

Edgeworth looked over as Phoenix entered, and his entire body sagged in relief. “Phoenix,” he breathed.

“Hey.” Awkwardly sticking his hands in his pockets, Phoenix walked over and sat on the chair beside his bed. He couldn’t help but think about the last time he and Edgeworth had been in a hospital room together, their positions reversed. “How’re you feeling?”

“I’ve been better,” said Edgeworth, and his voice was still rough. “I—I don’t… you’re alive.”

“‘Course I am.”

“Gumshoe and Kay told me everything, you know.” A menacing look flashed through his eyes. “What you did.”

Phoenix braced himself.

Gumshoe and Kay probably were there right when Miles woke up, a little before Phoenix did, I suppose -- or at least around when he was being rescued, maybe? I didn’t think this timeline through super well since Miles was in worse condition... ignore that! Anyways they definitely told Miles that Phoenix was alive, but considering Miles presumably witnessed him fall through a burning building, he can’t fully believe it until he sees Phoenix upright and walking around like nothing’s wrong.

“How could you be so reckless?” he hissed, and even though some of the danger was lessened when his voice was so shaky, Phoenix still recoiled. “You could have died, easily! You defied direct police orders and — and all — all logic and reason and for what?”

“To save you. Of course.”

“I would have been fine!”

Risking his life for someone is just your average Tuesday for Phoenix. But it shook up Miles a lot, and all of his anger is completely coming from a place of concern, but Miles being Miles doesn’t really know how to express emotions outside of angry glaring and in this case angry yelling.

“Would you?” Phoenix challenged, and Edgeworth’s glare redoubled. “Look, Edgeworth, I wasn’t going to die, not while I still had something to live for —”

“How is that going to stop you?” Edgeworth demanded. “People can have the world to live for and they still die! By your logic, I-I wasn’t enough for m-my —” He turned away and broke off into a coughing fit.

The realization struck Phoenix like a physical blow. “No, I didn’t mean to suggest —”

The “I wasn’t going to die, not while I had something to live for” is a reference to Phoenix’s line at the end of AA4; “People don't die that easily, really. ... As long as they've got something worth living for.” Which is a nice sentiment, really, and might work for Mr. Indestructible over here, but is not how things actually work, which Miles points out.

What he was going to say (if it’s not obvious) is “By your logic, I wasn’t enough for my father,” because you know Gregory would have done anything to stay with his son, but a bullet to the heart is a bullet to the heart. There’s not much “having something to live for” can do about that.

“Something to live for isn’t going to save you!” continued Edgeworth, once he recovered. “Why can’t you realize that? It’s not going to stop a bullet, it’s not going to save you from a fall, you — how much longer are you going to keep relying on your luck like this?! Do you — do you even realize how much danger you keep putting yourself in?”

His choice of examples here are what I want to talk about - “not going to stop a bullet” refers to both Gregory’s murder and also the last time he saw Phoenix’s life in danger, during SOJ when the guards burst in and are pretty much pointing guns at their heads -- I’d be surprised if Miles wasn’t terrified watching that, even if he wouldn’t admit it after everything calmed down. “not going to save you from a fall” refers both to this most recent falling through a burning building but ALSO Phoenix falling through the burning bridge in Bridge to the Turnabout, another instance where Phoenix almost died and Miles was involved.

And the events of SOJ where Phoenix walks in and risks his life for a kid, while something that Miles understands he would do since that’s the kind of guy Phoenix is, still were reckless and if Phoenix didn’t have protagonist immunity who knows if he would have made it through Khura’in, which is the most recent traumatic event prior to this fic.

Phoenix held up his hands. “Edgeworth, it’s okay.”

“No! No it’s not! Y-You… Do you have a death wish? Why would you ever…” He trailed off, digging his fingers into his arms and looking away.

Miles is just kind of... panicking a lot as the full weight of the situation they were just in catches up with him and just how close he was to losing Phoenix. He was going to say something like “Why would you ever do that for me?” but that’s edging a little too close to the whole issue of the rejected confession; he’s not someone particularly special to Phoenix, at least not in the way Miles would like, and they parted on awkward terms, so why would Phoenix still go out of his way to save him like this?

“It’s fine,” Phoenix tried to soothe. “We’re alive. If I hadn’t gone in there, who knows if they would have gotten to you in time, or if you hadn’t gotten that mask on when you did… Look, I don’t want to just sit back and watch you die —”

“I don’t want you dead, either! You imbecile! You…” He took in a sharp, shaky inhale. “You could have died, and it would have been my fault, do you think I want that? Do you think I could live with myself if that had happened? And not just now, you keep throwing yourself into reckless situation after reckless situation and one day you’ll pay the price for it a-and god, Wright, no one would ever want that, do you even consider the effect that would have o-on Trucy, on everyone, on…”

He turned his head to the side to hide it better behind his bandaged hand, but Phoenix could still see the tears dripping down his face. Phoenix hadn’t seen him cry since — since they were kids, probably. His eyes had been a little watery after the DL-6 incident was resolved, but Phoenix hadn’t actually seen anything. Even when he came to the Agency after prosecuting cases where the public details alone made Phoenix’s stomach turn, and he’d whisper about the horrors with his face in his hands long after they were sure Trucy was asleep, he hadn’t cried.

“Miles,” Phoenix whispered, horrified, reaching out for his shaking shoulder.

Edgeworth flinched away, curling in on himself. “Please don’t touch me.”

Miles... pretty much has a full-on breakdown here because he’s been through a LOT in the past few days. He finally worked up the courage to confess to Phoenix and was rejected, and then probably spent a lot of time worrying about how this could change their friendship, and if Phoenix would be less comfortable around him from now on; plus in general the hurt of being rejected plus the humiliation of having read the situation so wrong (so he thinks). Then the office was attacked which was horribly traumatic on his own, and dredged up some DL-6 trauma for him too with the building shaking like it did. Then Phoenix comes running in to rescue him, which Miles doesn’t understand, because they had parted on awkward terms and he doesn’t think Phoenix would want to go rescuing him after that; at the same time this is the sort of thing Phoenix would do because he’s so dedicated to the people he cares about and Miles loves that about him; and then he thought for a while there that Phoenix had fallen and died trying to save Miles, making it indirectly Miles’ fault that he died, and now he’s lost the man he loves and he’s lost Trucy’s father and someone who was such a loyal friend to so many people -- but he’s okay! and acting like nothing happened! plus it’s the first time Miles has seen him since his attempted confession and it’s still a little raw for him.

so he’s a complete wreck emotionally... which is why he’s crying. I don’t see Miles as the type of person to cry a lot and ESPECIALLY not in front of other people. That’s probably very embarrassing for him, too, not to mention he’s crying in front of Phoenix, who’s trying to comfort him, which just makes everything worse.

Also Phoenix calling Miles by his first name and kind of reaching out to hold him reaaaally does not help.

“Alright.” Phoenix reluctantly lowered his arm. “I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I’m sorry for worrying you,” Phoenix corrected, and Edgeworth peeked out from between his arms with reddened eyes to glare at him. “I know that sounds like a half-assed apology. But I’m not going to apologize for saving your life. I’m never going to stand by and let you or anyone else die if I can stop it.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Yeah. Probably.”

Another instance of Miles not knowing how to process feelings and being kind of angry-cat-like about it.

“Your life has more value than you know,” Edgeworth mumbled. “I wish you’d stop treating it so cheaply.”

“I’m not more important than anyone else.”

“You are to me.” Edgeworth sighed. “Forget I said anything. I know it isn’t going to stop you from doing the exact same idiotic thing in the future.”

HERE is a subtle callback to, once again, their conversation during the dinner in chapter 4 (which I’m referencing a lot back then since I guess it’s the scene where everyone’s repressing their emotions):

Phoenix immediately shook his head. “Hey, no, you were off doing research, planning to change the judicial system. I’m not more important than that.”

“You…” Edgeworth looked away and grabbed his arm. “... That doesn’t change the fact that I could have done more.”

He was going to say “You are to me”, like he did in this scene, but changed it at the last moment because it was too sappy and a little too close to his true feelings.

Miles now, going through an emotional breakdown, has less control over what he’s saying so it just sort of slips out -- but he regrets saying it since, well, Phoenix doesn’t feel the same way about him, he wouldn’t want to hear that, it’s not going to change anything.

“I don’t think it’s idiotic for me to try and save someone I care about from death,” Phoenix argued, punctuating his sentence with a cough.

“You shouldn’t do that for me.”

“Of course I would risk my life for you. You’re… you…” The words got stuck somewhere before his tongue.

Edgeworth’s eyes squeezed shut as if in pain, and he turned his back to Phoenix. “Please just… give me space, Wright.”

What Phoenix is trying to do is express how important Miles is to him in a romantic sort of way, but he still hasn’t fully acknowledged everything yet to do so, there’s a whole psyche-lock left, so he can’t quite get it out.

Miles perceives this as Phoenix trying to comfort him and say that he is important -- and he does know that he is important in some way to Phoenix -- but trying to do it in a way that can’t be mistaken as romantically-intended, once again reminding Miles of “hey remember when you tried to confess to him and it backfired so horribly”, so he wants space. Both for now because he’s dealing with a lot of other trauma, but also to take some time and get over Phoenix so he isn’t reminded of this and they can go back to being friends like before.

“No,” said Phoenix, and when Edgeworth tensed, “I-I mean, yes, I’ll go in a minute. I just… I wanted to talk to you about, uh, before all this. I-I know it’s terrible timing.”

Edgeworth was silent. Phoenix feared he was being ignored. “It is indeed terrible timing,” he said, eventually, his voice nearly unrecognizable. “I thought I said I didn’t want to talk about this again.”

Miles is anticipating the “You’re a great guy and a great friend, I just don’t feel the same way, but I’m sure you’ll make someone happy someday” conversation, which, while not a bad thing in most situations, is really not what Miles wants to deal with right now! Avoiding it was partially the reason he left so quickly at the end of chapter 5, and now he’s cornered in his hospital bed and does not want to have this conversation... ever, really, but especially not right now.

Basically Phoenix’s timing sucks, don’t have an emotionally charged conversation about why you rejected your crush after a traumatic incident irl, this is fiction though and I’m doing it for the drama.

“You don’t have to say anything. You don’t ever have to talk about this with me again if you don’t want to.” Phoenix ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I just want to apologize, a-and if I don’t do it now, I’m not sure I’ll have the courage to do it again.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Wright,” said Edgeworth, to the wall.

one of the first drafts of Phoenix’s part had “You don’t ever have to talk to me again if you don’t want to” which was imo too far; Miles wouldn’t completely abandon Phoenix over this, and also, if Miles wanted to cut off all contact with Phoenix he’d probably just do it. Phoenix is just promising he won’t bring up the conversation again.

Miles thinks he’s about to apologize for not returning Miles’ feelings, which of course isn’t something Phoenix would have to apologize for.

“Yeah, I do.” Phoenix took a deep breath and summoned more courage than he ever had before. “I… I lied to you. When you asked me how I felt.”

Edgeworth turned his head back to him. Phoenix willed himself to not look away, or crack some cheap joke. Just kidding, Edgeworth! I enjoy toying with your emotions! That wouldn’t go over well.

Miles would be well within his rights to cut off all contact with Phoenix if Phoenix DID say “Oh by the way I do love you! haha just kidding! why are you crying.”

And these two being so dedicated to The Truth is why Phoenix focuses the apology more around “I’m sorry that I lied to you” -- also why he was so bothered by the comment Miles made about his honesty throughout chapter 6 and 7.

Edgeworth’s face crossed at least three equally incomprehensible emotions before he asked, “Why?”

The incomprehensible emotions are probably some variation on “am I dead???”

“I…” Phoenix sighed, and admitted, “I don’t know.”

“It would make more sense if it were the other way around,” said Edgeworth, and his expression closed off. “I’m — I’m not misunderstanding, am I?”

Instead of asking if he was misunderstanding, the first draft of this had Miles ask if Phoenix was trying to spare his feelings... but I think Miles would know Phoenix well enough to know that Phoenix would never do that.

Phoenix still hasn’t worked through his Issues and hasn’t outright said that he does love Miles, just that he lied about how he felt - sneaky way to get past the psyche-locks.

“No, you’re not,” Phoenix insisted, leaning forward. “I didn’t mean what I said back the other day, when I said I didn’t feel the same. I-I just panicked, I think. I knew, already, how you felt, but I never thought you’d say it. I never knew exactly how to read you, then suddenly you’re baring your heart to me, and it was too much.” He realized how close he was to Miles, and started getting out of his chair. “I-It’s a stupid reason. I’m sorry. I-I’ll just go, you don’t have to deal with me right now —”

“Wait.” Edgeworth grabbed his wrist before he could go too far. “Please.”

His grip was gentle but still firm. Phoenix sat back down with superhuman effort.

Phoenix finally realizes that dumping heavy emotions on Miles right now might not be the best idea! But Miles starts processing what’s actually going on and demands answers Right Now. And he initiates physical contact again. I usually try to have it go about when writing these things that if someone refuses physical contact (like Miles does before) they’re the one to initiate it again, just so that no boundaries are broken here.

Edgeworth was silent for a long time. “Always turning things around on me, aren’t you,” he said eventually, in a hoarse whisper.

This line was a fairly last-minute addition! Just imagine it being said in kind of a... exasperated-fond tone of a man who is very much in love but also very tired. “I understand you always want to turn things around on me but did you really have to do it this way, Phoenix,”

Phoenix ducked his head. “I never meant to hurt you. I — I care about you a lot, Miles, and I’m sorry if I screwed things up because I got scared. I want the same thing you do, I just don’t know if I can anymore, it’s been so long and…” He let out some self-deprecating laughter. “Isn’t that stupid? I’m such a coward. I know you, I know you wouldn’t hurt me, not on purpose. But I just can’t…”

So Phoenix hasn’t been in a serious relationship since the Dahlia-Iris debacle in college, which by this point, is fifteen years. And that was traumatizing enough he’s not sure he knows how to navigate a romantic relationship anymore or be vulnerable in that sort of way again.

That “not on purpose” caveat is there because Miles has hurt Phoenix pretty badly before -- not intending to, of course, because I don’t think he thought anyone would really care after the “Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth chooses death” note, but he still did anyways.

And since I usually like to plan out what characters are saying when I have them trail off like that... Phoenix’s intention was to say something along the lines of how he can’t get over what happened or whatever this emotional block is that won’t let him express his romantic feelings freely, but can’t find the words for it.

“Don’t you dare put yourself down in front of me.” Edgeworth reached out, slowly, to guide Phoenix’s head upward to meet his eyes. “I… I always thought you were the more… emotional, of the two of us. I’d assumed you weren’t saying anything, before, to give me time to process how I felt. I thought you were just waiting for me to speak up.”

Miles kind of degrades Phoenix often in court but, at least after Turnabout Goodbyes, I was always under the impression it’s just courtroom banter/not letting Phoenix think he’d go easy on him. Judging by the big emotional speeches about Phoenix’s brilliance he tends to give afterwards, there’s no way he actually thinks Phoenix is stupid.

And the rest of that is pretty much giving the reader who has not read these extensive DVD commentaries more insight into Miles’ perspective throughout the fic!

“Guess we got it the other way around,” said Phoenix with a faint laugh. “I-I mean, I used to be that kind of person. Everyone always knew how I felt all the time. It didn’t really… well, you can’t survive long like that.” He placed his free hand over his heart. “I-I’ve got locks, you know that? Black ones. I don’t know for sure why, but I can guess.”

Edgeworth scowled. “Dahlia?”

“Not just her,” said Phoenix. “She — and Iris — they’re not the only ones, you know, who — who I thought betrayed me.”

Edgeworth released Phoenix’s wrist. “Me,” he realized. “You thought I’d betray your trust again.”

Pretty much summary of Phoenix talking about how he used to be the “Feenie” in Turnabout Memories and then the events of the games slamdunked him into the emotional repression zone. ... to put it simply.

And Miles’ hurt at Phoenix pointing out that Miles had betrayed him in the past (referring to the Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth chooses death thing, primarily, because Phoenix describes it as a betrayal himself in the games) is less hurt that Phoenix doesn’t trust him and more guilt/anger at himself for having hurt Phoenix in the past to the point it could be comparable with what Dahlia and Iris did.

(Phoenix interprets it as the former, though, in the next paragraph.)

“I know you wouldn’t,” Phoenix clarified, because the brief flicker of hurt across Edgeworth’s face was unbearable. “I trust you to be a good person, and I trust you as my friend, but I… Miles, you left before, and it hurt. A-And let’s be honest, you’ve always been the smarter of the two of us, you’re better looking, you — you’re always fighting for justice, now, for truth, you’re honestly incredible. Why wouldn’t you want to leave me?”

“I trust you to be a good person, and I trust you as my friend, but I don’t trust you not to leave again” is the full version of that sentence, but Phoenix stopped himself because it seemed too cruel to say out loud.

And Phoenix using the word “incredible” here is also a very tiny subtle callback to Miles calling Phoenix incredible back during the original confession in chapter 5!

... I realized looking back on it that in my editing of that confession I accidentally cut out the part where Miles calls Phoenix intelligent during that conversation, shit, and then Phoenix claims that Miles called him intelligent when arguing back, which doesn’t make any sense anymore. Originally when Miles says “surely you figured it out already?” it was a little later and he said something like “surely you figured it out already, with your brilliant mind” but that was overkill so I cut it out but forgot to cut out the intelligence comment! fun how you realize these things so long after publishing! anyways. once more, please ignore that.

THE POINT IS that the things they find attractive about each other tend to be similar because they have very similar values and goals; their fight for truth and justice being a core one.

“I don’t know where you’ve gotten these impressions of me, but you’re wrong,” said Edgeworth, his gaze locking onto Phoenix like he was chasing down a contradiction. “You can be very stupid, when you’re risking your life running into a collapsing building, for instance — but you’re one of the smartest men I know, smarter in ways I’ll never be. I wouldn’t be anywhere on my path to truth if you weren’t there to guide me. And…” A faint sheen of pink covered his face. “I find you extremely handsome. I’m not sure if you know this.”

Phoenix was sure he was turning red. “I don’t know why you would.”

“Any thought suggesting that you’re not good enough for me is wrong,” Edgeworth asserted. “I think it’s the other way around. You’re — you’re brave, you’re good, you’re always so strong despite everything… I admire that about you.”

look I love morosexual miles jokes as much as anyone else, but Phoenix is actually wickedly smart, albeit in an unconventional sort of way -- he’s a very flexible thinker and that can lead him to reach conclusions that Miles didn’t even consider. I found that interesting with investigations that sometimes Miles got so caught up in his logic and assumptions that he’d get stuck, and it was only emulating Phoenix’s thinking that got him out of it.

(Which is why I usually get a little irritated at some characterizations of Phoenix where he’s just completely oblivious in contrast to extremely intelligent Miles... anyways.)

And if my twitter feed is any indication, lots of people find Phoenix Wright attractive... so Miles isn’t alone there.

“But that’s just it, I’m not,” Phoenix argued. “I-I can’t be that. I’m always pretending to be strong, always smiling, for you, for Maya and Pearls, for Trucy… I think I forgot to be anything else. I didn’t want you to need me and then realize I wasn’t up to the task, and leave. Because…” He let out a bit of faint laughter, but there was no joy in it. “That’s always what happens. People need me, then they don’t, and they leave for better things. I wouldn’t ever want to stop them, but the more attached I get, the more it hurts when they leave me behind.”

oof this paragraph was a chore and a half to write because I had to kind of cut to the core of Phoenix’s characterization bits that cause the conflict of this fic, mainly the abandonment areas -- which was why I needed pretty much everyone Phoenix cares about to not be around as much as he’d like, which feels like he’s being left behind, as everyone fulfills their destiny and is happy and he’s just... the same.

which is like a total mood for me approaching the end of my years in university and having no idea what I’m doing with my life while most of my friends are gonna do great things -- but I also think it’s a fairly universal human experience. no one really knows what they’re doing.

But especially for Phoenix because his career was defined by saving a specific person -- in this case Miles, who’s past needing saving and is going on to save other people. Then there was taking care of Maya and Pearls, but Maya is a proper adult now and Pearl is also an adult and they’re living their own independent lives in Kurain Village without needing him. Then Trucy kept him together throughout disbarment but even she’s grown up and leaving to live her own life now. And like I said in the other asks Phoenix tends to fall apart without someone to take care of, and now suddenly he has no one to look after and is questioning his purpose if he’s not taking care of or trying to save someone.

And since so much of his personality is defined by that he kind of gets tired and gets in the mindset of “if they’re just going to leave anyway, why even bother getting attached?” which could have gotten really unhealthy if he’d allowed it to fester for much longer; luckily it got caught and dealt with fairly early with the help of off-screen therapy after this.

Edgeworth was silent for a moment, as if weighing his words. “You don’t have to be strong for me anymore,” he said. “I needed you when I was younger, but… I don’t need you now. That’s not why I’m still here.”

Phoenix’s breath caught somewhere deep in his chest.

“I just… want you, Phoenix Wright, because I’ve known you for so long, and I’ve loved every part of you I’ve seen.” The lines around his eyes and mouth softened. “I won’t run from the rest. And I don’t want to leave your side, not for long, not for good, whether that’s as a friend or as something else. I am willing to try if you are.”

I really like these lines!! ... though I think I fiddled with the last paragraph a little too much and now it’s a bit too long and it throws off the rhythm a bit but oh well. is rhythm even the right word to use here? idk.

But basically it’s about their relationship being much healthier now that Miles isn’t dependent on Phoenix for the sake of his own mental health -- he likes the person Phoenix is, even outside of all that Phoenix did for him, and even if Phoenix hadn’t done anything for him, he’d still love Phoenix. (... He’d probably be dead, too, and everything Phoenix did definitely helped his feelings develop, but regardless.)

And it’s also kind of what Phoenix needs to hear right now, because hey, Phoenix, people don’t stick around because you help them out; they stick around because they like you! And this applies to pretty much everyone Phoenix cares about (which Trucy says in her letter) but Miles is speaking on his feelings specifically since this is the Romance moment.

And the last line kind of enforces a “even if this relationship doesn’t work out, I still don’t want to leave your side, even if we’re only friends,” plus Miles comes down a bit from his dramatic all-or-nothing “I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU” speech and to a more reasonable “I’m willing to put effort and time into making this relationship romantic if you are as well”.

so maybe the rejection did him some good after all.

“Miles,” Phoenix whispered.

“If you want me…” He took a deep breath and rested one hand, palm up, beside Phoenix. “If you want me, I am here. And even if you don’t, I’m not going anywhere. It’s as I said before. I’m done running away.”

We don’t get into Miles’ head so I don’t get to explore his thoughts as much as I do Phoenix’s (which is why so much of these DVD commentaries are just What Is Going On With Miles Edgeworth since (I hope!) I conveyed Phoenix’s thoughts sufficiently in the actual fic. But this conversation is probably taking a lot out of him emotionally, too. He has no idea what he’s doing. I tried to convey that a bit with his actions with him thinking things over carefully and taking deep breaths to kind of brace himself into making a move.

And his words are once again affirming the “even if you don’t want to be romantically involved with me, I’ll still be by your side as a friend”, because their relationship is so important to both of them, they wouldn’t want anything coming in between that.

Phoenix extended his hand, brushing his fingertips against Miles’ palm. The sensation was the only thing that made him sure this wasn’t a dream.

“I’ve been chasing after you my whole life,” said Phoenix, scarcely able to breathe. “I don’t know what to do if I’ve caught up.”

shameless title reference. I struggled so much with this title I was lying in bed the last day of June like “screw it, the catch-up game??? Sounds catchy enough???” and threw it on there. This is my approach to most of my titles. Either I have a title in my head from the outset (Deep Dark Secrets, Fifty Flights of Stairs) or I make it up at the last possible minute.

“Well, you have.” Miles’ hand shifted, but it was only to thread their fingers together, tight and reassuring. “I don’t know either. We’ll figure it out together, as we do with everything else.”

Phoenix lifted his head to meet those familiar grey eyes, mirroring the fear and anticipation and the giddy, almost child-like excitement in his own, and he smiled. “Yeah. I think I can try that.”

neither of them know what they’re doing but together they can accomplish anything!! is the vibe I wanted to go with. Honestly the way that they can work together to do anything they put their minds to and create miracles in court is one of the things I love so much about this ship. They complement each other so well and have so much faith and trust in each other that they make the perfect duo. Like two halves of the same whole. about the closest thing you can get to actual soulmates.

Anyways that’s the scene! Hope both you anons enjoyed it haha. This is one of the big emotional conflict resolution scenes (the other being Trucy’s letter later) so it’s got lots of stuff to talk about, so thank you!!

#dvd commentary meme #the catch-up game #asks

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bizarrebaby · 4 years

Text

Luck | Benny/Courier[Reader]

Summary: A bit of Benny’s perspective, and what I imagine would’ve gone down with him and my courier

word count: 1330

Benny was a betting man. He couldn’t help it. Even when there wasn’t a wager at all, he liked to take on little bets with himself. Whether or not a nice dame would turn around and glance at him, if Swank would notice his laces were untied before he tripped on a loose tile, if today was gonna be the day he died.

He did not bet on you clawing your way through the dirt of your shallow grave and into New Vegas. He thought your death was a sure thing, and he’s convinced that for anyone else it would’ve been. He knew now that he would never know what you were like before the acquisition of the starburst scar above your brow, but that was ok. Either way, you were a feral yet sophisticated vessel of retribution, chaos, and justice here and now. When you showed up in the stunning one strapped dress, hair still dusty, lipstick scary in its slight unevenness, Benny was convinced that his luck had finally turned and turned for good. Once your luck goes so rotten that you can’t even kill someone with a point blank bullet to the head with your most reliable gun, you just can’t make it any further.

When he invited you up, that was his fucked up way of accepting death as it stood before him. Were you a catch? Sure. But you also had the means, motive, and guts to kill him at any time. There was no mistaking that look in your eyes. If you had wanted him dead, then he’d die, and he knew it. He didn’t see the point in delaying the fate you’d decided for him, might as well go out in a good mood.

Benny smelled like the weird cactus flower shit all the chairmen wore, some cologne equivalent of moonshine out in the wasteland. You smelled like dust and sunshine. Benny had held the platinum chip in his hands— the most advanced piece of pre-war technology ever conceived, something capable of things anyone for the last hundred years couldn’t even imagine.

And yet, as you nestled your hand into his on the elevator ride to his suite, as his grip rested on your hips when you straddled him, as his arms tiredly wrapped around you and pulled you in a close as he could, Benny felt more powerful than he ever had holding that damned chip. You were the real thing.

A smart man with any sense of self preservation would probably have killed you before you either killed him, conquered the world, or both. Benny never claimed to be a smart man, but to be fair he did try once. And a man who does the same thing again while expecting a different outcome is an insane one.

He ran with that chip because he knew if he gave it up, he would’ve always wondered if he coulda pulled off the whole thing himself. Again, not a smart man, but he had his principles. Despite the absolutely mind-bending hey-hey and your apparent mercy for him, he still believed that his luck had turned for good.

He still believed that when he ran off into the desert to get out of your way after you absolutely slaughtered the legion. He really meant what he wrote about having that date. He really wouldn’t have missed it for anything New Vegas could throw his way.There wasn’t much that meant anything to Benny besides power and persona his entire life. Being raised tribal sentenced him to that way of thinking. And yet, over the course of all those lonely nights in the sticks, nothing seemed to matter like seeing your pretty, uneven face again. He recounted all the different stories he’d heard about you from underlings and passer-by alike, all your feats of trickery and strength, and all the company you kept. A follower scientist, a brotherhood scribe, an NCR sniper, a caravan owner, a ghoul, the king’s mutt, an eyebot, even a fucking supermutant. Before Benny met you again, he’d assumed you to be some master of manipulation, but if just talking to you didn’t change his mind, sharing a bed with you certainly did.

You would think that knowing you’d fallen under the same spell as so many other people would make you feel insignificant and lost to statistical misfortune. On the contrary, getting to know you, even if just for one night, felt like an extraordinary stroke of luck.

And Benny loved feeling lucky.

—————

The desert wasn’t kind to anyone, and perhaps death would’ve been kinder, but Benny wasn’t the type to just lay down and die when he could keep on clawing his way forward. Your arrival was unexpected, but at the same time, it felt like destiny as you sat by the dying fire and cracked a Sunset Sarsaparilla. Death hadn’t arrived. No, you were something more than death. Something much stronger.

The way you puckered your lips and sipped wasn’t ladylike, much like the rest of you. Frizzy hair and leather armor, rusty goggles caked in sand and grit.

“Hey there, pussycat. Long time no see, huh? Shoulda known you’d come lookin’ for another taste of the Ben-man. I’ve got a face broads can’t seem to stop chasing, feels like.” Pretty much any time Benny talked it sounded like some bird squawking, puffing up his feathers to intrigue people. Maybe the fact that you found that charming was the real stroke of luck for him.

“What’re you running for, Benny?” You said it plainly, like there couldn’t be a more obvious question.

“Figured I’d overstayed my welcome. Caesar’s place didn’t seem like the coolest hangout, either. Thought I was only spared the same fate as those legion chumps because I was good in the sack, ya dig?” He tries not to sound nervous but it’s hard when he’s confronted with the same pretty face from his dreams, but he can only see his reflection in your goggles and not your eyes. He sees a downright pitiable guy.

“Any idea why I came out here looking for you when I could be all cozy in the penthouse of the Lucky 38, looking over my strip?” You cooed like it was childish teasing. Like you didn’t hold his dreams in the palm of your hand as if they didn’t matter. You snapped up your goggles and he was comforted for a brief moment by your playful and compassionate stare. It was hard to reconcile the rumors about the terror of the Mojave with the image before him.

“Couldn’t leave it at a one night stand?”

“That was part of it.”

If there had been anything in Benny’s mouth besides his tongue, he would have choked on it. You lie down, chin propped up on your elbows to see eye level with him, as he was resting on his arm on a crude sleeping mat.

“Come back with me. Run the Strip. I can’t ever seem to stay in one place, and I wouldn’t know what to do with New Vegas even if I wanted it. I want you to have it, no strings attached.” You paused for a beat.

“Of course, if you fuck it all up I might have to step in again. But if you’re a benef-benevelf—fuck, if you’re a good king, and you’re still up for that date you talked about… I’d be interested.” It occurred to Benny in that moment that he really did shoot you in the head. It wasn’t exactly like he didn’t know that, he did, but he doubted that little stutter was natural. You were reaching for something you knew that suddenly was missing. And yet, here you were in front of him, giving him his hopes and dreams on a silver platter and telling him you were into him to boot.

If that wasn’t luck, he didn’t know what was.

“Wouldn’t miss it for all the caps in Vegas, pussycat.”

#fallout #fallout nv #fallout new vegas #benny #benny gecko #writing #drabble #benny x courier #benny x reader

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philologer-mosaic · 3 years

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Hey! Fellow writer here! I was curious as to how you learn to write characters and /keep/ them in character without it being overly stereotypical or stiff? I've read your work and I'd love to learn from you ;^;

Hi! Glad to meet you, and wow, I am so flattered to be asked this. Happy to help out a fellow writer, and I’m always down for rambling about writing-related stuff! I’m not sure how helpful some of this will turn out to be, but here goes.

I’m not sure if you’re asking about characterisation in general including crafting OCs or specifically about writing canon characters, and a lot of this advice will be relevant to both, but I will say this straight off: I’ve seen a fair amount of quibbling about how fanfiction won’t teach you how to worldbuild and maybe that’s true, but there is nothing like writing fanfiction for teaching yourself how to craft character voices. Especially when your source material is a movie/ TV show/ whatever definition RWBY falls under. So: rewatch! Pay attention to all the little details. What turns of phrase do they use? How do they stand, how do they move? What’s their usual emotional range? Pick a line they speak, think about what descriptors you’d use to get across their tone of voice or their emotional state if you were writing the scene in a fic. When you’re writing new dialogue for them, try to hear it in the actor’s voice (if that’s a way your imagination works; some people don’t have great auditory imaginations. Mine can be kind of hit and miss!).

Rest of this advice is going under a cut, because this got looong!

With canon characters: start from what you know, then extrapolate. Especially with characters we don’t see all that much of, boil them down to a handful of personality traits/ ways-they-present-themself first, then consider what might underly them. And in reverse: take the things we know about their status and backstory, consider what that implies about them as a person.

So, Clover: I think I boiled him down to ‘confident, friendly, professional’, and what’s underlying ‘confidence’ is really obviously his semblance: he’s never had to hesitate about anything, he always knows he can rely on himself. So in his internal monologue, he’s not going to second-guess his decisions. He calls Qrow out on deflecting compliments, so he’s good at reading people and also wants to help them; I assume that applies more broadly than just to Qrow. He’s leader of Ironwood’s flagship team of Specialists, and semblance or not I made the assumption he didn’t get there without working for it [that is an assumption, though! People less inclined to think well of Clover will make a different assumption, in-universe as well as out, and how he responds to that is also something to consider], so he’s got to be smart, dedicated, a good tactician, a good leader. And building from that: he’s smart and perceptive but we know he’s also loyal to the bitter end (very bitter); what sort of personality can we project that reconciles those two, what sort of person would respond like that? What I went with is that he trusts the system because he understands enough pieces of how/why it works that he trusts the bits he doesn’t understand are also created with the best interests of the people at heart. (Even when that’s really not true.) So then that’s a consistent philosophy-like thing that underlies a lot of how I write him: he understands the reasons for a lot of why things are how they are and then assumes the best of all the rest.

– This looks like a lot, now I’ve written it out. I thought all this out while working on the early chapters but I never put it some of it into words really. In coming up with the plot or story idea you’ll have made plenty of these assumptions and extrapolations already. Take a second look at them; take them further, find places to link them together or pit them against each other.

And remember, these are your interpretations. There’s not a right or wrong way to flesh these out. Work with semi-canon stuff like the mangas or discard it as you wish; follow fanon or argue with it or throw it out entirely. I interpreted Yang as ‘normal outgoing teenage girl in a non-homophobic world’ and wrote her as having dated people from Signal before she got to Beacon; the other day I came across a tumblr post interpreting her as “a rural lesbian”, by which standard she definitely didn’t have any romantic experience before canon; they’re both entirely plausible takes! Where we don’t know stuff for sure, slot in whatever your story needs, or whatever you think seems interesting. I settled on Clover’s backstory for Soldier, Spy mostly by going ‘ok, what’s an interesting way to contrast him with Qrow?’ And in some of my other fic ideas, he’s different.

Limited third person perspective (or first person, if you can pull if off) is the best for dropping in characterisation smoothly. Though I’m probably biased because I love it so much. Omniscient third person POV is when the narration’s impartial and uninvolved, and skips between person A’s thoughts and person B’s thoughts and pure description of what’s happening, objectively speaking; limited third person is – when the camera’s always over one person’s shoulder in a given scene. It’s less close in than first person, but we get the POV character’s thoughts and no others, we only see/notice what they notice and pay attention to, descriptions are coloured by the way the POV character thinks about the world. I don’t want to be setting you homework, but, a neat writing exercise, if you want it: pick an object, place or person, and consider how two different characters would see it differently. Write those two descriptions. For fun, pick something that at least one of the characters is going to really look down on or dislike parts of! (Qrow’s snark is so much fun.)

This is cynical, but: people lie to themselves a lot. When you put yourself into a character’s head, they’re going to be telling themself a narrative in which what they’re doing is the best thing to do and makes them a good person. (With a few exceptions, the big ones being depression- and anxiety-brain, which instead do their best to convince you you’re the worst.) Get your characters to justify themselves to you.

Goals, motivations, priorities. It feels like a massive oversight to write about how to characters and leave that one out, but honestly I can’t think of anything I can say here that hasn’t been covered better by tons of other writing advice. [Incidentally: https://www.writersdigest.com/ . Subscribe to their email newsletter, it’s free, they will try to get you to buy their how-to courses but there’s no need to, the website has all kinds of articles about the craft and details of writing and the newsletter will send you all the new ones plus curated picks of what’s already there. And also: https://springhole.net/writing/index.html . There’s some stuff specific to fanfic in there, and also general writing advice.] Just: keep it in mind.

Related to that, but a separate thing and one that I haven’t seen other writing advice talk about so much: how does the character try to achieve their goals? What are their skills and resources? And more than that, what’s their preferred approach? In the simplest terms. It’s a matter of mindset, and what options they see as available to them. So the things I would keep in mind for this are: Who’s got social skills/ is good at thinking in social terms, and who isn’t/doesn’t? (Not just interpersonally speaking. James “not really concerned about my reputation” Ironwood is a good example of a character who always thinks in terms of hard power over soft power; even when public opinion is an important strategic consideration he only thinks about it in the broadest and most simplified strokes.) Who would rather work within the system, and who prefers to do an end-run around it? (That doesn’t have to correlate with who’s actually got power, though obviously there are trends. I’m writing Clover as tending to take charge even when he officially shouldn’t because he’s more concerned with solving the problem than with rank, and that’s a case of circumventing the system, it’s one of the things he’s got in common with Qrow.) Who’s more analytical about their approach and what they’re trying to do (which means their failure mode is overthinking and decision paralysis) and who reacts with their gut instinct (which means their failure mode is getting in over their head)?

… I could talk about this one at length. There’s a whole framework I use to categorise characters in this way (I came across it in, of all things, the flavourtext of a supplement to an RPG no one’s ever heard of and it just stuck with me, and I’ve made it my own in the years since) and I could go into all sorts of detail about how it works/ what it means. But I think this is enough to be getting on with, on that topic. If you want to know more, send me another ask? But no one else talks about this thing in writing advice, it might be completely orthogonal to the writing process of anyone but me.

So! Related to the topic of characters’ skillsets, a really great tip I can’t remember where I picked up: how do you write someone who’s smarter/wittier/better at tactics than you? Spend minutes or hours turning something over in your head that the character is going to come up with in seconds. The great advantage of writing: it’s so much easier to be eloquent when you’ve got time to think. [If you had asked me this question in person you would have got ‘i don’t know?’ and then half an hour later I would have thought of half of this stuff and kicked myself. A week and change later, you’re getting the other half too :p ]

And lastly: you said you were worried about your writing getting “overly stereotypical”. And my immediate response to that was stereotypes bad, yes, but archetypes great. The difference being: stereotypes are lazy and offensive writing that let ‘membership of a social category’ stand in for ‘actual characterisation’ and if you’re asking for advice on characterisation you’re obviously too thoughtful to commit them; archetypes are pre-made sketched-out personalities that you can take as your own and flesh out into your own thing. Tropes are tools. No one ever said ‘They were roommates? Ugh, how unoriginal’. By the same token, ‘lone wolf who pretends he’s fine and doesn’t dare trust anyone no matter how much he secretly wants to’ is a fantastic trope that exists for good reason, the CRWBY used it for good reason, and when we found out Qrow’s semblance I went yes please I will have some of all that angst and then laughed at myself because when it comes to fictional characters I have A Type. I’m pretty sure I’ve never written the exact scenario ‘pushes themself way too hard and passes out, wakes up in unexpected safety and immediately condemns themself for not sticking it out longer’ before the opening of Soldier, Spy, but I know I’ve come up with plenty of things that were like it, and if they’d made it to a state of publication you’d be able to see that.

It’s like artists using references. Just because they looked up how to draw that hand and that pose doesn’t mean the final product’s not their own. There’s no reason not to start with your ideas of the character (no matter how ‘stereotypical’ they feel) or a collection of traits you’ve grabbed from other characters that seem like they’d fit – or, for OCs, an MBTI type or a roleplaying class/background combo or one of these or some other personality type you feel like you can find your way around the basics of – and just take it from there. When you start writing/outlining/daydreaming-about-ideas you’ll run into scenarios/setups you can’t copy across from but you can see what responses might come up, and that’s how the template becomes your own unique iteration of it.

… Because really all writing advice does come down to: just write. In your head or on the page, try things out, see what works, see how it goes. I’ve been doing this a long time; most of it never made it to words on a page, let alone to the internet at large. Read across genres, read things people write about themselves and how they live and think and feel, and just – go for it.

I hope this helps! Once again, I was really glad to be asked; feel free to ask me to elaborate on any of this, or about anything else you want advice about. I wish you all the best in your future writing!

#writing #my thoughts #posting into a void

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aurodontdoit · 3 years

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A not so anonymous asker has sent me a concerning ask.

Hi everybody,

How are you guys? I hope you're doing well and you're having a wonderful time! Me? Well, I'm not doing so great at the moment and here's why:

There is an anonymous asker who just told me that someone I knew on here killed themselves and tried to pit it on one of my closest friends.

Now the person I knew was someone that I cut ties with because they were incredibly draining to talk to. I'm already kind of a stressed out person and I try not to bring it up to anybody on here and I know that I have friends on here that I can talk to however I feel like if I can face it on my own first hand then I won't talk to anybody about it and usually I can handle a lot of what's thrown at me. Tonight was a little bit different because the message was a bit alarming and took me to by surprise.

After some careful processing and analyzing the nature of the message I began to piece together who might be responsible.

So when I say "not so anonymous" in my title, this is what I mean let's dive in, shall we.

So I am a little bit of a sleuth okay? I'm a small Time blog I don't really have a lot of followers and I typically try to keep my blog relatively clean, like, tagging things appropriately, and messaging friends when I can also posting updates when I can (please don't look at my pile of unfinished written works! XD)

So in short I tried to stay away from stirring a lot of controversy on my blog I do enough of that in real life by just existing. (Hey! If your existence, actions, or words wouldn't get you burned at the stake back in puritan times, are you really living?)

This evening when I received the message I feel like I really needed to address this:

I know who sent me the following message.

TW MENTIONS OF SUICIDE AND BULLYING.

I know exactly who this person is, and if they are reading this right now I would like to direct this message to them because I have them blocked on here but they are somehow able to message me anonymously. to give you guys some background this person was responsible for hassling me and a couple other friends on here she was very codependent and would not leave us alone. I did not get to know her personally aside from a few things, but she would bully people into shipping her pairing which was considered incestuous. When we would tell her no she didn't like that and she would send her friends to bully me and a couple other people I will not be mentioning their names out of respect for them and their own lives.

This person would constantly use their mental illness as an excuse to continuously be toxic. she gave me bad vibes right from the moment that I started talking to her and the reason I started talking to her is because we both like the same anime and were part of the same forum chat, she and I would role play together and one day she posted that she was going to slit her wrists I got very scared and I went to talk to her to try and calm her down.

I wish that I used the setting on Tumblr that allows a staff member or somebody to speak to her because I don't know why I felt compelled to message her in that moment. I remember chatting with her and trying to talk her down and she would continuously talk about how her chemical imbalance in her brain is causing her to have all of these issues and it's somehow not her faults and she has no control. She would say things about my best friend that would piss me off and she would say things about me that would piss me off. She would stick her nose in me and my best friends business and then go as far as berating me for an argument that had nothing to do with her.

She was a toxic fan as well she loved a certain character to an unhealthy level that she would get so angry when any criticism was given to her about said character. Granted I did not give her any sort of criticism regarding how she wrote that character how she played that character, but I would hear it from other former friends of hers.

After me and my best friend got into a big argument she basically made matters worse by inserting herself into it when it had nothing to do with her. She outright insulted me in defensive my best friend, and then proceeded to try and beg me to unblock her so we could talk things out.

She tried to guilt Trip my best friend into staying friends with her when all she did was provide her with nothing but stress and drama my best friend got to a point where she almost killed herself and was so depressed

2020 was a crazy year and my best friend and I ended the year by reconciling, and now she and I are stronger than ever.

She went so far as to get her mother involved in the drama as well. I don't think it was her mother I don't think it responsible adults would partake in such Petty bull crap when they have more pressing matters to deal with.

So to kind of get back at me for blocking her and not wanting to talk to her because of all the shit she pulled, I feel like she decided to start sending anonymous messages that are highly concerning.

To whom this concerns, I have a special little message for you:

I hope you get help. This shit is not okay. I know you're hurting I know you're going through a tough time and the world seems like it's against you but it's not I hope you get the help you need. Love yourself...

This is what I am conditioned to tell you in spirit of being a kind person, however here's what I want to personally tell you.

Don't ever message me again. If you are proud of bullying someone into suicide/joking about it, then you are a disgusting sack of human garbage unfit to be called a human. Are you so sick that you are okay with having that blood on your hands? You disgust me! And keep my best friend's name out of your fucking mouth.

And to the rest of you who took the time to read this far I wish you all pleasant times.

Much love for you all.

#autumnrosewrites #tw bullying #tw suicide #anon hate #fuck those people

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btsrmono · 4 years

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Trial & Error | chapter 5

Main Pairing: (jimin): student/idol x (main): foreign student

Side Pairs: main x taehyung,, main x (nct) jaehyun

PART 4

The next day at school, you found Taehyung during lunch period. For some reason, he's not usually there but that day, he was. You went up and sat next to him. "Taehyung~~" you called. He looked up and smiled at you.

"Y/n! Come sit."

You placed your food tray on the table and sat next to him. "What are you doing here? Don't you have some extra work to make up?" you wondered.

He smiled brightly, shaking his head, no. "Finished! But I do have to stay after school."

"Ah yeah? What for?" you asked, taking a bite out of your bread.

"Extra curriculum. But it'll be fast, I have to head to the agency after."

Just as he said this, Jinsoul found her way to your table. "Hey, you guys," she said, casually sitting down with you two as if it were nothing. As if it hadn't been two weeks since you've last spoken. This was awkward. She looked at you nonchalantly as she unwrapped her sandwich. "Y/n," she greeted.

You cleared your throat. "H-hi..."

"Hey," Taehyung said to her. "Did you take the history exam yet? I think I'm gonna need some help studying." He shoved some food in his mouth, awaiting her response.

"Again?" she exasperated. He sulked, sucking in his top lip, then clasping his hands together in a pleading form. This made her sigh with defeat. "Fiiinee. But you're gonna have to help me with auditions and buy my lunch tomorrow. Deal?"

"Ugh, deal, I guess."

"You guys study together?" you wondered, kind of bothered by this. Everyone can stay her friend but me, you thought.

She shrugged. "Sometimes. Wanna join us? You and Jimin's class are gonna have to take it too next week."

You began to answer, "I, uhm...."

"Oh, speak of the devil," Taehyung stated. You all turned your heads to see Jimin coming your way. Wasn't aware we were all reconciling today.

"Yah, Kim Taehyung!" Jimin yelled. "You are so in trouble. Might wanna go straight to work after school." He sat down next to him, no lunch tray in his hands but instead, his cellphone.

Meanwhile, Taehyung looked confused. "Trouble?..."

Jimin looked stressed, taking a deep a breath and letting it back out loudly. "Look man, I'm telling you to just go talk to them, clear the air, maybe, I don't know but they want to speak to you."

"About what though?" Jinsoul asked, also looking confused.

"You two were together last night, right?" He pointed between you and Taehyung, causing you two to look at each other.

"I mean, yeah..." you responded. "What's that got to do with anything?"

Jimin shook his head back and forth. "Well, fans saw you guys and took pictures. Now they think you guys are going out."

You both were taken aback by this statement, not seeing it coming. You mean, it was a date but a friendly date. A friendship date. Nothing for people to really talk about, at least you didn't think so. However, you definitely did sometimes forget that Taehyung was an idol and didn't think much of it whenever you were in public.

Judging by the looks of your faces, Jimin noticed this made you both worried. "Yeah, it's not good," he spoke.

Jinsoul looked like she was in awe, staring with huge eyes. "A dating scandal already?" she said. "That is so not good, you guys just debuted."

"We're not dating," you quickly added.

Taehyung exhaled, standing up. "I-I gotta go." He looked flustered.

"What, right now?" Jimin asked.

"Yes, right now, this isn't just something I can sweep under the rug. I'll talk to you guys later." And with that, he sped off, leaving you with just Jinsoul and Jimin. After watching him leave, they both turned their heads to silently look at you.

"What?" you said. "You guys are looking like I just killed someone."

Jimin raised his eyebrows, looking down at the table top. You sighed, "I'm gonna go, too." You stood up, threw your lunch in the trash and headed towards the same direction as Taehyung did to see if you could try to find him to talk but to no avail.

~~~

All day long, students kept asking you if you were dating Taehyung. The news seemed to spread quickly and suddenly, everyone wanted to be your friend. By time last class came around, you made sure not to make eye contact with anybody. You were trying your best to avoid a thousand questions being thrown at you at once.

As you were taking notes and trying your best to listen to the teacher, you felt something hit your head. It bounced off your forehead, onto your desk. A balled up piece of paper. You looked up to see the source of this, only to find Jimin's head turned around, looking back at you. You were ready to pass it back to the person behind you like you would usually do for him until he mouthed that it was for you.

You began to unravel the paper and read what he wrote: "Meet me at the green pole after class". You looked back up to him but he had already turned back around in his seat. You then rolled your eyes, realizing it was a demand and not a question. What could he possibly want? You balled the paper back up and stuffed it in your backpack.

After the final bell rang, you ran out to use the bathroom before deciding to not leave Jimin hanging at the pole. As you walked up to him from behind, you tapped his shoulder, making him turn around. The green pole was in a secluded area just outside the premises of your school. You had no idea why he would want to speak to you there.

"You wanted to talk?"

"Yeah," he said.

"Why here?"

He chuckled. "I don't want anyone to see us speaking after all the rumors and all."

"Oh..."

He was staring at you for God knows why. You just wanted him to cut to the chase, it was too cold outside to be doing this. "Jimin--"

"Are you two dating?" he cuts you off, looking more serious this time.

You had no idea where this came from, especially since you made it very clear that you weren’t at lunch. "You can't be serious," you replied.

He stuffed his hands in his front pockets. "I am, y/n. He’s my best friend, I need to know."

You crossed your arms, ready to walk away from this foolish conversation. “How does that make this any of your business, Jimin--what’s it to you?”

“It’s my buisness because he’s been showing up to practice later than usual and seems distracted these days. Now with this news, the only thing I could think that would make sense would be that he’s seeing you... I’m just trying to understand him before I talk to him.”

You couldn't believe he was actually accusing you of being the reason for why Taehyung’s head wasn’t in the game.

“Wow, Jimin,” you huffed. “You don’t even trust your own so-called best friend so now you’re asking somebody that you barely even talk to anymore.”

He quickly put his hand up, trying to protest this. “Now wait a minute, y/n--”

“You’re so worried about Tae, you haven’t even noticed how you’ve changed.”

Jimin slowly started to look upset, which you couldn’t understand why because all you spoke was the truth. He tilted his head, slightly squinting his eyes. “If anything, I feel like you changed? You got quieter and quieter and would bail on us to study.”

“Bail”. He really used that word. You started to get even more angry. You never bailed, you would just often skip out on the parties that they would attend. You loved to party, you did. But this was your senior year and just because you were spending it in a different country with popular friends didn’t mean you could slack off.

"I didn't do anything wrong,” you spoke. “You guys are the ones who stopped talking to me."

He started to take a step forward. "Y/n--"

"No," you said, backing up. "Please don’t. It’s not fair of you to point fingers at me because I want to study. See, what you fail to realize is that I actually have to go to college. I know you and everyone else don’t exactly plan on doing that but for me, getting into a university is my only goal right now, not the music charts." You had no idea why you started to get so mad but you guessed it was just pent up anger.

"You're right," he admitted, looking apologetic. "And I'm sorry, I just have so much on my plate, I wasn't really thinking or trying to see your side."

"Jimin, save your breath, I don't need your apology or excuses. Taehyung is the only one out of you all that actually seems to give a damn.".

He looked at you intensely, scanning your eyes as it looked like he just thought of something.

"And don't give me that stupid look--"

"You like him, don't you?" he questioned.

You slightly flinched, not understanding why he would ask you that all of a sudden. Maybe you slightly did, maybe you didn’t, you weren’t sure. However, he did not need to know that. "I don't," you responded. "And if I did, I surely wouldn’t let you know. Are we done here?"

At this point, he looked defeated. "I have to go to the agency to practice so yeah, I guess we are but y/n... I still really want to be friends but if you don't want to, okay. Just know that I am genuinely sorry and that I do respect you."

You saw a faint frown on his face as he turned away and started to walk, making you feel a little bad. He did apologize and he was fun to be around at some point. Maybe you shouldn’t have been so hard on him...

You hesitated before sighing and calling out his name. "Ugh. Jimin.. Jimin, wait." You found yourself jogging up to him as he turned around at the sound of his name. "When's the next time you're free?"

A smile formed on his face. "I, uhm... I think Sunday afternoon will be okay."

You shook your head. "Sounds like a plan."

A/N: Some tension huh? Well at least it was resolved quickly. Or was it? Lmao stay tuned to find out!!

PART 6

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thelightofthingshopedfor · 3 years

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Dear Yuletide writer,

I’m 100indecisions on AO3. just based on numbers of requests/offers in the signup summary, it seems fairly likely that you matched with me on Avengers Academy, but it’s also slightly possible it was Silent Hill 3 or The Bifrost Incident. numbers also indicate nobody else requested or offered my other two fandoms, but I’m including them here anyway in case you or anyone else wants to take a stab at them. (there’s also this post if you want a little more info about why these fandoms are cool and where to find them.)

regardless! the important thing as always is that you have fun writing the fic, and for the most part everything that follows is just a suggestion. whatever you come up with, I’m sure I’ll love it.

I feel like…most of the fandoms I requested aren’t too likely to lead to fics with my major DNWs, probably. I wouldn’t want to see dubcon or significant manipulation in a relationship that’s supposed to be positive and healthy, for instance. I’m not opposed to explicit sex scenes of any kind, although I often end up skimming them because I’m the type of ace person who is just Not Interested in most of the physical aspects, so…you’re welcome to write sex scenes if it’s relevant but you absolutely don’t have to feel like you need to.

in general, my biggest DNW is unhappy endings. I’m thrilled to see my favorite characters go through all kinds of hell to get there, so for most of these I would be very happy to get something tagged Crueltide, but I also like things to be okay or at least hopeful by the end. if canon is the unhappy part in one way or another, I’m always happy to read fix-it fics. Between post-canon fix-its that could reasonably happen in the future and canon-divergence AUs where things are okay now because of some mid-canon change, I have a slight preference for the former, but both are good.

as for stuff I like, well, the other thing implied by my main DNW is that I do often enjoy fairly dark fics, as long as they end okay. I also like Loki a lot, as you can probably guess from my requests. if you ended up matching me on Avengers Academy Loki or Bifrost Incident Loki, and/or you want to take a stab at one of the other Loki-centric requests, the Loki fics I’ve actually written are pretty representative of stuff I like in my Loki fics, which basically boils down to “sympathetic interpretations always, with loads of angst and/or whump on the way to a reasonably happy ending”. I tend to take a somewhat lighter tone in general with my Avengers Academy fics (I’ve written several of those and only one of them doesn’t involve Loki at all, so…yeah I have a one-track mind where Loki is concerned), although I did also write a pretty damn whumpy fic for AvAc Loki. I’m very invested in the relationship between Thor and Loki as brothers, although Thorki is usually a personal squick. for things that aren’t necessarily Loki-related, I like found families and deep friendships, sibling bonds, stories about characters reclaiming their own agency from some outside force and/or figuring out how to take control of their own narratives, and probably plenty of other things that aren’t coming to mind at the moment. I’m equally good with plotty fics and little slice-of-life or introspective pieces. I will always always always be happy to see queer characters, especially asexual ones.

more detail about my specific requests, basically just expanded versions of what I wrote in my sign-up:

Silent Hill 3 (Heather Mason). I love this game and that’s mostly because of Heather–she’s resourceful, brave, and incredibly tough, and the game is essentially all about her reclaiming her agency (in a very literal, physical way) from people who used her for their own ends. Anything that gets into Heather’s head would be great, whether it’s a missing scene of some kind during the game or something afterward that explores what she does next, how she recovers from a frankly massive amount of trauma, and how she reconciles the various layers of her identity. The ways in which Heather, Cheryl the child, and Alessa both are and are not the same person are endlessly fascinating to me, and it seems like she probably has a lot of weird memories bouncing around in her head at this point--and possibly some extra trauma from Alessa’s memories of things Heather never physically experienced, as if she doesn’t have enough to deal with already. I would also really love to see something involving Angela and/or Maria from Silent Hill 2; I’m not sure how the timelines would line up (although realistically, considering the setting, that part would be trivial to handwave) but the way Heather basically said “fuck you, you don’t own me” to the cult makes me want to see other female characters find their own agency as well, and it would be really awesome if Heather found a way to help them do that, either by helping them directly or just by influencing the way the town operates. in general, I love these games for their atmosphere and symbolism, so anything you can do along those lines would be great.

Avengers Academy (Loki, Thor). I still miss this game. I especially miss Loki, who was a snarky little bastard but really not a bad dude. Mostly I’d be thrilled to see anything that focuses on him (or her, I super loved Loki’s canonical genderfluidity) developing actual friendships at the academy, with any characters who might be relevant (Steve, Natasha, America Chavez, Nebula, Union Jack, Angela, Jane Thor, really anybody). Working things out with Thor and/or the rest of his family is always good too; Loki’s Frost Giant storyline didn’t involve Thor at all, for instance, probably because it was written long before Thor was added to the game, so I’d be interested to see how things went when he found out his brother was a Frost Giant. I’m also always happy to see crossovers of some kind with other Marvel universes, especially considering AvAc was an interesting patchwork of film and comics canon; meta stuff where characters are aware of their multiverse counterparts is always fun (again, my own AvAc fics are pretty representative of what I like…and if you wanted to build off anything in those, I’d be thrilled). and hey, if you want to pick up or expand on any of the plot threads the game never really got around to, like more about the Academy’s supposed mole, the actual nature and origin of the timefog, or other worldbuilding-related stuff, that would be awesome. random slice-of-life stuff is also fun; so is expanding on any of the event plotlines or digging into in-world reasons for various gameplay decisions (way back during the Civil War event, for instance, Loki was one of the characters who could do stuff to earn points for Team Cap even though this didn’t come up in dialogue--it was almost certainly because they needed another non-event character to round out the rosters, but it would also make a fun premise for a fic). I’d also be happy to see something post-canon, showing what characters are up to now or doing some kind of reunion. I’m realizing somewhat belatedly that last year I only requested Loki because that’s the character I wanted most, and this year I requested both Loki and Thor even though my actual wishes haven’t changed, which...I’m not sure if that’s a potential matching problem or not. But just to be clear, the only character I require is Loki, and everything else is basically a suggestion. If there’s a character I haven’t listed but Loki had an interesting interaction with them, or they never spoke but you think they’d play off each other in fun ways, go for it.

The Bifrost Incident - The Mechanisms (Loki, Thor, Sigyn). I...need a fix-it. Like, for these characters specifically, but also for the universe in general, because the premise of this album is absolutely fascinating but I can't deal with tragedy, so--I need somebody to fix it. Somehow. I mean, I would also be very interested in pretty much anything about Loki and Sigyn, backstory or otherwise (especially if there’s Loki whump due to cosmic horror in general or Odin being a dick specifically, because...I am who I am), or Loki’s relationship with Thor, or...yeah, pretty much anything Loki-centric? But also I am a baby who cannot deal with tragedy so I gotta have like...at least a hint that things are going to end up differently than in canon. Or if you really don’t want to do that, speculate on this universe’s version of Valhalla or something, I don’t know. And yes, even though this isn’t a Marvel universe, I would also be very happy with some type of crossover/fusion with the MCU or another Marvel universe.

Loki: Where Mischief Lies - Mackenzi Lee (Loki). I had a lot of issues with this book and I’m not sure how much of that is just me not appreciating what the author was doing with an unreliable narrator (in part because I’m already pretty attached to certain interpretations of Loki) and how much is the author not quite doing it right, but I’d love to see something that would…make it make sense internally in terms of Loki’s motivations and actions. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a fix-it, although I’d love one of those too, with Loki reuniting with Theo and/or actually reconciling with his family. A giant crossover that includes this Loki with other major versions of Loki could be fun too. I’ve been planning for a while to write up some kind of actual review to articulate what about this book didn’t work for me, and I’ll update this post with a link when I do that, although…again, I know nobody else offered or requested this one. (if you think it sounds fun or you just want to read this book in general, my library actually has the ebook on Hoopla, so it’s worth checking to see if your library does too.)

What If... Thor Was Raised by the Frost Giants? (Loki, Thor). This is such a great little AU and I need MORE. Slice-of-life stuff with Thor and Loki growing up (and Laufey being an abusive bastard to Loki)? Fix-it where Freyja survives or somehow gets brought back? Post-canon fic picking up immediately after the end of the comic? Far-future speculation about what the present-day Marvel universe might look like with this change in its history? Literally anything post-canon about Thor and Loki tentatively reconciling? YES PLEASE. As always, biggest DNW is unhappy endings.

#yuletide 2020 #yuletide #avengers academy #silent hill 3 #the bifrost incident #loki: where mischief lies #marvel comics #look at me doing my Yuletide letter in a reasonable timeframe for once #mostly because...the majority of this was copied from last year's but whatever #marvel what if

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klynn-stormz · 4 years

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Legally Swan Chapter 7

Hey all! It's been way to long since I posted, medical and family issues got in the way for a bit.

So it's a few days till my birthday and I promised my self that for my birthday I would write another chapter of this, and when I started writing I actually wrote three more chapters! So now I might actually post a few weeks in a row! I hope you all enjoy the chapter!, let me know what you think :)

AO3: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7

Chapter 7

The next few months seemed to fly by, Emma was studying every moment of every day, Henry was right by her side, though she had him watching soap operas rather than studying law. She knew that she could prove Neal, and everyone that doubted her, wrong; It would take a lot of work and focus, but she could do it. Killian was a lifesaver, they met at least three times a week to study, and somehow that turned into Saturday movie nights and Sunday morning breakfasts as well. Honestly, next to Mary Margaret, whom she saw for regular manicure sessions and weekly lunches, he was her best friend. They had a lot in common from tragic backstories they had yet to share, to same music and movie tastes. She was sure she couldn’t have made it through all of this without him, it would be weird not seeing him when she went home for winter break.

Her favorite day so far had been when she was in Professor Humbert’s class discussing procedures for preparing a case.

“A claim has been filed and you are preparing your case. What is the first thing you need in order to continue the process?” Professor Humbert looked around the class, eyes landing on Emma. “Miss Swan, care to answer?”

Emma’s heart pounded, she could feel her hand begin to sweat and a bead of panic grew in her belly. She knew the answer, the question was whether she could say it without her voice shaking.

“You need evidence.” She answered as confidently as she could muster, there was a tinge of a question in her tone, but she thought she did better than she had thought she would.

The Professor nodded and then encouraged her. “Meaning?”

Oh shoot, she didn’t answer it fully. What was she supposed to say? It was something about support right? Or was it a whole other thing. She got the first part right, she could do this. She just needed to breath through the panic and answer. Oh hell, what if she got it wrong. Everyone here already thought she was a joke, they didn’t need to have confirmation. That’s why she hadn’t been speaking up much. Okay she really needed to talk now. It was talking to long for her to answer. She opened her mouth.

“Meaning you need a reasonable belief that the evidence would support your claim?” This time she couldn’t keep the questioning tone from making a full appearance. Her anxiety was at a full time high. Henry, who came to class with her and sat in her bag at her feet, leaned against her legs for support. There was a pause as the class and the Professor took in her answer. Then he smiled and nodded.

“Well done Miss Swan! Now class…” He continued talking but she had tuned it out. She did it! She had answered the question right, she had gotten both parts right. The rest of class seemed to rush by, she was out of class and in the next one quickly, still reeling from the fact that she had done it. After classes for the day she dropped Henry off at her apartment and texted Killian to meet her at the Rabbit Hole, she got there a little early and was practically bouncing in her seat.

“Swan!” Killian called as he entered the bar. He made his way over to her with a smile. “Your text sounded quite excited, love.”

“You could not tell that from the text.” Emma scoffed.

“Maybe not,” He admitted, his smile not dimming in the slightest. “but I could see you grinning from the entrance Swan, so I think I’ll stick with you inviting me here for good news.”

Emma grinned. “I was called on in class and gave the right answer.”

“Fantastic!” Killian cheered. He sat down, ordered, and insisted she tell him the whole story. Asking for arbitrary details and teasing her the whole way. “I believe we’ll need to toast your victory!”

---

They talked and drank for the next couple hours, keeping the talk away from school after Emma had finished her story, wanting a bit of a break from Law. Emma felt a pleasant buzz after a few drinks, deciding that switching to water might be best. Killian had the same thought, ordering a couple glasses for both of them.

“Time to switch to something much less inhibiting.” He announced, a tipsy leaning toward drunk grin on his face. “Now I believe this is the part of the night for tragic backstories love.”

Emma felt a knot in her gut begin to form, she didn’t know if she was ready for this, but at the same time she felt she could trust him. Maybe she would let him go first and keep her side as vague as possible.

“Alright Captain!” She found out that he had had that nickname in high school being the Captain of the school’s soccer (It’s football Swan!) team. “You first then!”

He smiled softly and sat back, he was probably going to regret this in the morning, but what was a few secrets given to Emma? Maybe he would just stay away from talking about how much he liked her, how he was fairly sure that he could easily fall in love with her, if he was half way there already. How strong he thought she was, and how much she had grown since coming here. If he was being honest with himself, he definitely couldn’t mention how he had never thought he would get over his first love, be able to move on, until he met her. No, best to stay away from all of that, he couldn’t bear to scare her off.

“My life most certainly isn’t that interesting Swan. But I’ll give you the run down anyway.” He threw back the rest of his water as if it were the rum he were so found of, wishing briefly for the burn of alcohol to help. He spoke of the small town in Ireland he was born in, of his older brother Liam and his mum. He told her about his mum’s illness and how she passed away just after he had turned 8. His no-good bastard of a father, leaving Liam and him in the middle of the night, just a few months after, never coming back.

Emma could here in his voice how much he loved Liam as he talked about how his 17-year-old brother took care of him, raised him, fought for custody of him and moved them to America as soon as he was 18 and had full custody of Killian. He talked of his brother joining the American Navy, of moving often but never worrying about that, as he had his brother with him. He spoke of his desire to join the Navy, enlisting on his 18th birthday, wanting to make his brother proud. He grew somber when he talked about Milah, an older woman he had begun a relationship with when he was 20. He talked of her with love and a longing in his eyes that gave Emma an unwanted twinge of jealousy. He spoke of how he had found out Milah was married, but separated from her husband, a prominent lawyer a few states up, telling of how lonely she was. Their relationship had grown and Killian admitted just how in love he was with her, then it all fell apart. There was a training accident, a bomb that should have been disabled, Killian was too close, Liam was closer. 4 men lost their lives, Liam included, and Killian lost his hand, most of the movement in his arm, and the last of his family. The pain in his voice was nearly unbearable for Emma to hear, but she listened, she sat and listened to all of the pain. To Milah rejecting him in favor of exploring the world as soon as her divorce was finalized, to him finding comfort only in his drink.

Then she could hear hope, the hope as one of his friends dragged him out of the bottle and cleaned him up. They helped him find a purpose again. One of the friends being Professor Graham Humbert, who helped him find his passion in Law. Now at nearly 30 years old he was in his last year of his graduate program with offers from a few different firms and finally in a good place. Finally he could see the light at the end of the tunnel, he had said as he had stared intently into her eyes.They sat in silence for a moment, Emma had never heard someone with as sad of a backstory as his, and yet he seemed so happy and optimistic all the time, it was hard to reconcile the two pieces of him she had now seen.

“Well you certainly underplayed the interest in your life Killian,” She said a last, figuring teasing him would help the melancholy she saw in his eyes.

“Well, maybe it’s because I’ve lived it, but it’s not the worst life there is Swan.” He responded, smiling slightly. “I believe you now owe me a story.”

She began her story, she had meant to pass over the details she preferred not to talk about, being left on the side of the road, while not her fault, was still something that shamed her. Her adoptive family giving her back when she was 3 because they got a real child was also painful. But she began to open up to him, she told him everything, talking about Ingrid changing her life, and even Neal’s assholishness. Then she told him her biggest secret, how much she loved law school and felt like she fit here, that maybe, as scared as she was to admit it, she could see a future here. When she had said that last line she had stared at him hard in turn. They laughed and talked for what seemed like hours, about nothing and everything at the same time. Bonding in a way she had never done with anyone before. When the bar had last call, they made their way into the chill of and autumn night. Killian walked her to her dorm opening the door with a flourish.

“Your home milady, safe and sound as promised.” His exaggerated bow making her roll her eyes and laugh.

“Thank you, Captain.” She grinned as she preforming a small curtsy.

Maybe it was the way her hair was shining like the sun as she laughed, or her eyes sparkling like emeralds when she rolled her eyes, but it made Killian want in a way he hadn’t in a long time. So, he took a chance.

“Ah, but is that all your safe return home is worth to you Swan?” He raised his eyebrow and tapped his lips softly. Her eyes narrowed a slight smile graced her face.

“Please,” Emma scoffed. “you couldn’t handle it.”

He moved closer to her, they were inches apart and he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. “Maybe you’re the one who couldn’t handle it.”

She lost her breath for a moment, staring into his ocean eyes, then moving to his lips. She moved quickly, grabbing his jacket and yanking him into herself. Their lips met in a clash of want and need. She let herself go for a moment, throwing everything into the moment with him. It was everything she had hoped it would be, and more. Then reality set in, she couldn’t do this now! She couldn’t get involved in something when she was still finding herself, not when she had come so far. She tore her lips away from his, letting her forehead rest on his for mere seconds, listening to their mingled pants.

“That was…” Killian began, his voice now rough with want.

“A one-time thing.” Emma claimed, stepping back and facing the door. “We never mention this again. We can’t.”

As she moved inside her dorm, she heard his soft reply. “As you wish.” And felt her heart beat quicken more, but she kept going.

---

Emma was terrified it would be awkward, that Killian would avoid her or they wouldn’t be the same as they were before. To her everlasting relief, when she saw him two days later, it was almost like it had never happened. Almost. She felt more aware of him now, noticing the way he moved to be closer to her, the way he leaned forward when he talked. She noticed the blue in his eyes brighten when he was happy, they darkened when he was talking about something he was passionate about. He scratched behind his ear when he was nervous, and she found it utterly adorable. Occasionally he would run his had through his dark hair, messing it up and making it fall over his forehead, this happened when he was tired or frustrated. She noticed to much, she knew it, but the kiss had changed everything, and she couldn’t help but file every little quirk away in her mind, and she hated how much she loved all of them. NO, not loved, she couldn’t love. Like. Like was better, she would go with that.

Time moved on, she completed her first semester and went home to spend time with Ingrid for winter. Grateful to be back in the warmth, she spent most of the time outside by the pool updating Ingrid on everything, Henry curled in a ball next to her, also enjoying the sun. Christmas had just passed two days before, she had two weeks before the next semester started up, and she was outside relaxing with Ingrid. The sky was a brilliant blue, reminding her of a certain blue-eyed law student back east. She wasn’t sure what he was doing for winter break, they hadn’t texted since the end of the semester, that was mostly her fault as she had told him how busy she would be (an obvious lie he had let pass). Realizing how much she missed him had been unsettling to say the least, and now, with her thoughts filled with him, she couldn’t resist.

E: Hey, hope your winter break is going good.

K: Swan! I was hoping you would call, I guess text in this case, at some point over the break!

E: Yeah, I was just thinking about school starting soon and wanted to see how you were.

K: No need to be modest Swan, it’s okay to admit that you were thinking about me ;)

E: …Did you really just wink at me through text?

K: Indeed! I can’t very well do it in person right now can I? My break has been going good, I was at a good friends home for Christmas, now it’s just catching up on studies for my final semester. How about yours love, is California treating you and Henry well?

E: I guess winking through text might be better, seeing as you can’t do it in real life any way.

K: Swan! I am hurt!

E: Uh-huh, I totally believe you… My break has been good, mostly just relaxing with my mom, it’s nice to be somewhere warm for Christmas.

They texted through the rest of the day, just talking, and it was nice. Every time he texted it brought a smile to her face, she really enjoyed having him to talk to. He asked about her day, he asked about Henry. And the dog in question had taken a liking to Killian as well, a good sign.

“So, who’s the boy?” Ingrid asked out of the blue, sipping her tea and keeping her eyes on her book.

“There’s no boy!” Emma said, thinking to herself that Killian wasn’t just a boy, he was most definitely a man… Nope couldn’t go down that road. Ingrid simply raised her eye brows and waited. Henry let out a bark at Emma, she looked at him and was sure if he had eyebrows they would be raised as well. Emma was never good at keeping secrets from her mother, so the whole story spilled out rather quickly. Ingrid listened then gave her advice.

“Darling, the man sounds smitten, what are you waiting for?” Causing Emma to sigh.

“I just don’t want to rush into anything mom, look at what happened with Neal! I don’t want that to happen again.”

“Neal was a completely different story, he was immature, didn’t listen to you, only talked about himself and was definitely not the one for you. This Killian sounds like he cares about you, listens to you, and helps you. You have to take a chance on love sweetheart.” Henry barked in agreement.

#cs fic #captain swan #captain swan fanfic #Legally Swan #cs ff

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