#me: *zones out so hard and can't get myself to do work for hours and forgets so much*

[pantherxrogers]

Missing You - Luca x Reader SMUT (18+ ONLY)

Content warnings: smut filled blurb, mutual masturbation, male POV, explicit language, a little degradation, dirty talk, phone sex, a sliver of angst

Summary: Luca gets a phone call from the Reader (established relationship). She's in Chicago visiting family, while he's back in Copenhagen. She's also very horny. Luckily he is too! 🤭

Author's note: I miss you all so much 🥹 I'm doing well and hope you are too! Here's a tiny blurb for you guys to read if you please. I was super out of my comfort zone on this one because: a. I haven't written anything in forever b. I never write from a male POV. Let me know what y'all think! ❤️

"Hi."

Luca's heart skips a beat when your breathy whisper cuts through the silence. He cradles the phone closer to his face, happy to hear from you at any hour.

"Hi love, you okay?" His head is swimming a little bit, coming out of a deep sleep. He cracks his eyes open, peeking over at the alarm clock on his nightstand. Bright red digits tell him that it's 2 am here.

"Yeah, 'm okay. Just missing you is all."

The sadness in your voice makes his chest ache. You've only been away for a week now, visiting family back in Chicago. Normally, Luca would be with you, but he couldn't take the time off of work.

"Miss you too, love. So much," he answers earnestly, glancing over at the empty side of your bed. A small groan slips from his throat, carrying through the phone's speaker. He hears you shuffle on the other end.

"Wish I was next to you," you whine out, causing Luca to stir in his boxers. He secretly likes when you're feeling bratty. When you're just horny enough to beg him a little bit. He'll always give into you regardless.

He has a picture in his head. You, squirming in the middle of the hotel bed, wearing an oversized t-shirt of his. Rubbing your cute little thighs together, trying to combat the growing wetness that he knows is there. His cock hardens at the thought.

"Wish you were next to me, too, baby. Tell me what you're doing."

"Lucaaaa." Embarrassment evident in your tone.

"Don't you want me to help you cum, baby?" He teases, knowing the answer already.

"Yes, please." Just a faint whisper.

"Then go ahead, angel. Tell me." Putting his phone on speaker, Luca sits up in your shared bed, leaning back against the headboard. He shuffles a little bit, exposing his bare chest to the cool air, letting the sheet fall around his hips.

"I'm-, I'm touching myself." He chuckles at the way you're still whispering through the phone.

Trailing a hand down his chest, he imagines your softer ones instead, making their way towards the growing tent in his boxers.

"Yeah, I thought so, angel," he answers, moving the sheet out of the way to rub a firm hand over his covered bulge.

The friction of his underwear makes him moan out, and he hears you squeak in response. Needing more stimulation, he rolls down the band of his boxers, hissing when the cool air meets his hard cock.

"Fuckkkkk"

"Are- are you touching yourself too?"

"Shit-, yes, baby. Can't help myself," he answers, before spitting into the palm of his hand.

Wrapping a rough hand around his cock, he starts at the base, giving himself a firm squeeze. Precum bubbles from the tip, a small amount leaking onto his hand. The slick from his own spit makes it easy to glide up and down, imagining your tight pussy milking his cock.

"Oh shit," he hears you whimper through the phone. He can tell you're getting close, the knowledge pushing him closer to the edge, too.

"Are you rubbing your little clit for me, baby?" He mocks, picturing your plush body on that hotel bed. He imagines he's there with you, pounding into you, kissing every inch of your body, showering you with affection.

"Yes, fuck-, I am," he hears your muffled voice through the phone.

"Such a dirty girl. Waking me up just to make you come," he groans, "Shoving your hand in your panties the second you get back in your hotel room, hmm?"

"'M sorry," you whimper back, both of you knowing you don't regret it at all.

"It's okay, baby. That's what I'm here for."

Luca's full on jerking himself off now, too turned on to drag this out any further. He imagines your body on top of him, full breasts in his face, pussy gripping him like a vice. He only pauses to spit into his palm again, imagining the way you leak all over him. He teases his tip with his thumb, just like you would do.

"Fuck, 'm close, baby," he groans out, a steady stream of precum oozes from his red tip. His hips buck uncontrollably, head lolling back against the headboard.

He hears your steady stream of moans on the other end, signaling your climax. A string of profanities slips through his lips, unable to hold back anymore. He feels like the orgasm will never end, white spurts shooting from his cock, making a mess of himself.

He slowly lets go off his cock, reaching over to grab some tissues from the nightstand. He chuckles to himself, feeling like a hormonal teenager again.

He hears your answering giggle, imagining the shy smile that he knows is on your face right now. His heart aches again, wishing he could be with you right now.

"Thanks for calling, love," he teases, but you both know how much he means it.

"Anytime," you respond.

"Can't wait for you to come home," he confesses, the reality of the situation weighing on him once again.

"Can't wait to come home to you," your soft voice replies, making him smile to himself.

"Gonna fuck you into the mattress when you get back." Your loud gasp sends him reeling, tears leaking from his eyes out of laughter. The way you giggle back makes his heart melt.

But you both know he means it.

.......................................................................................................................

Taglist (please let me know if you want to be added/removed):

@nolita-fairytale @wakandamama @wakandama2 @blowmymbackout @douceurrrr @mercang @cryobabyy @superhoeva @kdoxkeic @live-love-be-unique @guccitearzz @axololly @little-feathered-shit @wordswithoppar @penny44224 @snomu11 @boo8008 @creativitybeware @shinebright2000 @megsiobhan @mattxxamryli @wordswithoppar @iammyownlover @idkmagicmike

#will poulter #the bear fx #luca x reader #luca the bear #the bear fanfic #chef luca #the bear #will poulter smut #will poulter fanfic #will poulter imagine #will poulter fanfiction

[mj-iza-writer]

"Ok Whumpee, I have the tub fully prepared for you to soak", Caretaker stood in front of the shaking Whumpee.

"Do I have to do this, I'm already clean", Whumpee gave a pitiful look, "Nurse Jen legit just finished helping me shower."

"Yes, I know you've had several showers since we've gotten you from Whumper, and we finally got all of the dirt off, this isnt about being clean though", Caretaker removed their gloves, "none the less I've noticed you've stayed clear of the tub, and looking through Whumper's journals says he's done some bad things to you in a tub."

Whumpee nodded, "I don't want to be in the bathtub, I'm fine with showers."

"Five minutes", Caretaker crossed their arms, "there is lavender and Epsom salt, the bath will probably feel good on your bruised skin, just soak in it for five minutes, then I'll leave you alone for tonight, we can even have a movie night when Nurse Jen leaves."

Whumpee looked at them in shock, "five minutes?"

"Yes, but you have to actually sit in the bath water, you know soak", Caretaker opened the door to the bathroom, "do you want to try this by yourself or should I get Nurse Jen to help you?"

Whumpee frowned, knowing they had just planned on standing in the water and kick around so it sounded like they were in there, "I'll go by myself", they grumbled.

"Ok, I'll be down the hall if you need me", Caretaker smiled, "I will knock on the door when the five minutes are up so you know you can get out, let me know when you're in the water, and I'll start the timer."

"Ok", Whumpee nodded.

The door was closed now. They slowly pulled off their robe, they spotted themselves in the mirror and looked away. They inched closer to the tub, they could smell the lavender, they felt the water. It sent chills up their spine, it was warm, the water was always cold with Whumper.

They stepped in and slowly lowered themselves, they stopped when their waist was in the water, panic set in.

"Caretaker?", they called.

"Yes Whumpee, I'm right here", Caretaker stood on the other side of the door.

"Um, I'm not sure I can do this, I'm waist deep, and on the verge of panic", they whispered.

"Ok, just take a deep breath. Remember when you first got here? You were terrified of the shower, so we started small, and worked to be able to get you cleaned up, and now you shower with no issue, and Nurse Jen just helps with the hard places", Caretaker reminded.

"Yes, but this harder", Whumpee sobbed, "I can't do this", Whumpee jumped out and ran for the door, they pulled it open and fell into Caretaker's arms.

Caretaker sighed, and lowered to the ground with them, wrapping them in hug.

"It's okay, shh, it's okay", Caretaker attempted to comfort the shaking Whumpee.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry please don't be mad at me", Whumpee cried into Caretaker's chest.

"I'm not mad, not at you", Caretaker assured them, "I may have pushed a bit to far, and I'm sorry for doing that to you."

Nurse Jen came in and saw naked Whumpee hugging Caretaker, she rushed and got a blanket to cover Whumpee.

"I pushed Whumpee a little too far past their comfort zone", Caretaker stated to Nurse Jen, "they panicked, and this happened."

Nurse Jen nodded, "I told you that", she stated as she helped Whumpee up.

"I know, I know", Caretaker got up, "I was being hard headed, I'm sorry."

Nurse Jen helped Whumpee get into their pajamas while Caretaker cleaned the tub.

"I will be leaving for the day in an hour", Nurse Jen lovingly booped Whumpee's nose, "I'll will be back tomorrow morning, though."

Whumpee nodded, "thankyou for helping me and Caretaker today, I'm sorry if I'm a pain."

"We go through this every night. You are not a pain, I am happy to be here and to be able to help you", Nurse Jen smiled, "you didn't ask for these struggles, and what was done to you was horrible, I am happy to be here."

"Thankyou so much", Whumpee cried.

Nurse Jen hugged them, "you got it baby."

Caretaker watched this exchange from the living room. He held back tears, thankful for Nurse Jen.

After she left, Caretaker put together some snacks and got a movie ready.

That night Caretaker tucked Whumpee into bed while they talked about the movie, they handed over their comfort item, a tattered blanket.

"Goodnight Whumpee", they made their way to the door.

"Goodnight sir, thankyou for taking care of me."

"You're welcome."

#whump community #whump stuff #whump writing #whump ideas #whumpee #whump scenario #whumper #whump #caretaking

[snoodls]

2023 art retrospective! ✨

I can't believe I'm writing one of these again already; where did this year go??

Looking back on this past year, wow! I can see and feel my confidence with my art growing tremendously. Finally it feels like I'm comfortable with tools and the process. I'm not totally lost when I open a canvas; there's a sense of reassurance that I can do it, and if I can't, I will figure it out along the way. 

Overall, finding time, space, and energy for art proves to be both exceedingly difficult and yet the only thing that I want to do when I get home. I know logically this is mostly because of my job--new office, new boss, new responsibilities, new position--and a few huge life transitions, but when you're someone who makes things who is not making things, it can be rough seas in the brain soup.

I think a major theme for this year was getting back into creative habits. It's an annual tradition at this point to nosedive into an artist's block death spiral. February into March into April...were all lean months for my creativity. Intense job/interpersonal stuff plus news of two of my big art inspirations both suddenly dying...the world hit me hard in these months.

I owe a lot to Lynda Barry's Making Comics for giving me my spark back and for helping to heal a part of me that I didn't realize was so broken and bruised. I remember when I picked the book up around my birthday; the cashier said the book made her cry and I didn't understand. I asked why, and she said "It's just healing." I was skeptical, but now I get it. I've been observing more, giving more credence to my creativity, and being less afraid of making a "bad" drawing.

Now I've been focusing on creating portfolio pieces that I'm proud of and happy to display in my space, as well as finally getting around to my hoard of accumulated characters. I've been picking away at my personal site and uploading much more to toyhouse to keep track of them all.

The last month or so has been completely consumed by making gifts, meeting deadlines, finishing owed art, continuing special projects 👀...so I haven't had much of a presence here. I've been doing lots of traditional art--getting back into acrylic painting and hopefully back into oils soon. I started pine needle basket weaving and have made 2.25 baskets so far! it's a long, tedious, menial process, but it's so satisfying to have something physical (and functional) that you've worked on for hours. I've also been living in my sketchbook the past week--practicing with pens, markers, and practicing itself. I've been conditioned to have the sketchbook be a precious space, and I am trying my best to break out of that. If you want to see some of my traditional sketches and offline stuff, I made a little collage for this year's picks too. ↬ sketchbook 2023

I think for next year I'd like to continue finding better balances--in how I spend my time, how I can spend my time...and to continue pushing myself out of my comfort zone with experiments and messiness. I want to continue being creative in so many more mediums--more film photography and video, hopefully!

In my sketchbook I wrote this meandering paragraph that I want to share: this is a living document--of breath, of movement, not of polished stasis. I reject capitalistic notions of being "industrious" "beautiful" "marketable" "pristine" and on public display at all times. I am not a product to be consumed; neither is my work. I embrace the messy, the incomplete, and the ugly. I refuse to tailor myself to an unseen audience. We thirst for the drafts, the brushstrokes, the incomplete works of the famous. Is this because, in our minds, this makes them more human? Less untouchably great? Or do we see ourselves in the struggles and not in the finished pieces? How charitable is that reading? What I would give to see my inspirations' marker streaks, their 12yo sparkledogs. Framing these byproducts--there's that word again--as art reframes them, reframes myself. To be human is to mark-make, to scribble in the dirt. I hear they reconstruct civilizations from stuff like that.

All my best to you & yours, and happy new year!

art featured: garden ghost | Vagabonds - Aqua Fria River | 6040 elk? | i'll still be around | blue sky | umm hihihi omg hi ...? | porcelain | nothing to remember | Lacquer | river bed-time

#art summary #2023 #year in review #art improvement #artists on tumblr

[maddiebiscuits]

i don't know how to phrase this any other way so i hope you don't find this rude or anything: you are (imo) a very skilled, very prolific art toaster. it's great quality artwork obviously, but your turnaround is wicked crazy fast to me. what does burnout look like for you? how do you manage to toast so many arts? what dark magics must you employ??

The hard truth is I worked in journalism for two years between 2010-2012 and customer service/hospitality starting at 16 years old in 2007 all throughout my life until 2022 and I don't want to go back to any of it now that I'm almost 33 - that's the main motivator to keep my freelance gig career doing art commissions going as long as possible. Fear and loathing of going back to that work environment keeps me focused.

In action...I'm not quite sure if I ever experience 'burn out'? I do experience art 'block' in that I can't think of anything to draw on my own or feel really unsatisfied with my work...so I just goof off with my canvas or do studies, but this doesn't interfere with doing commissions where I am told what to draw.

I just enjoy the physical act of drawing. Sometimes when I'm bored and restless and going for a walk doesn't help, I just draw more. When I was a kid I would just come home from school and draw crap between playing Gameboy/N64/Gamecube or browsing Elfwood/Newgrounds/DeviantART/Gaia Online, so it's literally just a habit now. If I don't draw for a long time I feel anxious and unwell. Somehow I just programmed my brain to think that art = leisure fun time, even if it's for work. I also tend to get into a "zone" sometimes and just put on video essays or music and a few hours later I'll have worked through some commission stuff.

I have three 'task lists' for my workflow:

A public trello board organized by work order types (N/SFW link)

A personal trello board organized by type/date in chronological order

A coloured tagging and folder system in my emails where I can just see the actual dates/timestamps of my last correspondence with a client so I know exactly who in my taskboard needs to be prioritized for their next WIP update

I hold myself to a standard of sending a client a WIP in stages:

rough draft (1-14 business days)

revisions (1-5 business days)

line art (1-14 business days)

revisions (1-5 business days)

final render (1-14 business days)

tweaks (1-2 business days)

So ideally, the client gets a finished commission in 3-6 weeks, so about 1-2 months. For larger projects I send more WIPs and the process is obviously longer. For simpler stuff like chibis, it's rarely a full six weeks. Over holidays I add an extra two weeks to my noted turn-around to account for IRL time off. On all my terms of service I have a maximum four months turn-around, essentially doubling the time I know my work flow is just in case there's some sort of medical or equipment emergency in my life that I need to account for that gives me a buffer (I also notify all clients)

Monday to Friday I wake up usually...late morning/early afternoon? I do anywhere from four to eight hours of artwork, broken up by walks, stretching, eating, cleaning, cooking, hanging out with my partner, etc. I look at my personal trello taskboard and emails to see what must be done and what can wait. I try to get at least 1-2 things done in a day though, be that sketches/line art/renders/revisions.

Right now I am looking at my email and task board, and the client with the highest wait time chronologically is someone who is waiting for their final render (sketch and line art already revised and done for them). Last email correspondence with them on the email says 9 days ago (so 7 business days, I'm supposed to take Sat-Sun off). Their order was paid in full and confirmed by me on November 9 and it is currently December 13, so I'm at about the 5 week mark (not accounting for delays in clients getting back to me of course) and I am very much On Course for my work load, no one has been without contact from me for 14 days or more so I'm pretty ahead of my game right now! I could take tomorrow off if I wanted, or only do 3-4 hours of work if I feel like it.

However the more work you finish and post, the more you show prospective clients your ability to finish orders and show your audience more art for engagement, so ideally I always like posting stuff when I can, it just creates a cycle of positive production and income.

[bubblegum-blackwood]

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

Ah good question. I feel like that's a complicated one that's not so straightforward to answer.

TL;DR - idk I like it :] and I like people

I've been writing fiction since I was nine years old. My teacher had us do some creative writing in class, and I fell head over fucking heels for the concept! It's crazy to see how much I've grown since then 😂 but I kid you not, I've known I wanted to write for a living since I was nine years old. I did it once and was like yeah . . . I like this. Funnily enough, I started out writing fanfiction, although at the time I hadn't heard of that word or that concept. My sibling and I had a game we called "Kid Wars" - essentially, we RPed being Star Wars OCs. My character was a female clone of Jango Fett (how did I come up with that as a small child and then The Bad Batch happened????????? will never get over that) who secretly joined the Jedi Order and fell in love with Obi-Wan 😂😂😂 ah, children. This origin story is never not funny to me. Anyway, over the years since then, it's slowly evolved into something nearly indistinguishable from Star Wars (I've mostly just kept something that vaguely looks like the Force and some OC names and arcs, but the worldbuilding is entirely original, and I had so much fun with it!)

But I digress.

It's ironic to me because even though my writing days largely started with terrible self-insert fanfiction I since then only wrote original works and even railed almost as vehemently against fanfiction as Anne Rice herself! 😂 But I spent some time on Tumblr and I caved and read Burden of my Days by @hekateinhell and have never been the same since. And now I have 36 fics and counting!

What originally drew me to writing as a kid is just the whole idea of making shit up. I've been making up silly lil stories in my head to keep my insomniac ass busy at night since I was in kindergarten, and when I realised I could write them down? When I realised I could get paid money for that shit??? Hell yeah! I can make a career out of doing something I genuinely love doing, and I'm so grateful that it's even an option for me because I have no clue what I would have told people I wanted to be when I grew up otherwise. As I've gotten older, I've understood more about what exactly I enjoy about writing (which allows me to take inspiration from the books and shows I like without copy-pasting every minute detail that I don't actually need) - it's people. I like people, I like knowing what makes them tick, I like watching them fuck up and I like watching them interact with others. It's part of what draws me to psychology and sociology, too. I just genuinely enjoy stories. I could eat a well-done character arc for breakfast, honestly. And that's what gets me about the writing. My books don't need big grand plots, the conflicts largely are not centered around big bads with large armies, it's all about people and the relationships they have with others within the narrative. (Don't get me wrong, though, I have fantastical elements - vampires and ghosts, especially, are quite abundant in my stories).

Plus, there's something about the actual process of writing that just gets me in a good mood. Sometimes the executive dysfunction or general life fatigue makes it hard for me to get myself to pick up the pencil, but when I feel motivated, DAMN, the juices be flowing! Sometimes I get in the zone and I just know what happens next and the words just come to me and it feels good, honestly good. I can agonize over it for hours sometimes, but crafting artful sentences to paint a picture with words is such a powerful feeling. I just can't imagine how my life would have turned out had I not discovered how fun it is to write.

And with fanfiction? To me, it's all about connection. To look deeper at the text, to identify what you like about events or characters or pairings and make it your own, to really know the book you love so much. But not only that, then also you get to connect with other fans! You get to get excited together, be proud together, maybe even make friends through it! You get to talk to people!!! And I think the value of that can never be understated enough.

Anyway. I've rambled plently now 😂 thanks for the ask!

#i probably talked for way too long but it's whatevs #ask game

[jovanaa86]

The Pain of Durability

My whole life was based on knowledge. On being the smart ones in what has remained of the world.

Our society, the society of the city of Chicago had been divided in factions. Amity, Abnegation, Candor, Dauntless and my faction, Erudite.

I got all of them as a result on my Aptitude Test. A Divergent. A rarity, but they still exist.

And I was one of them.

However, no one can know that, not even my family. That's how I decided that I'm not gonna stay in Erudite.

I'd rather leave everything behind than lie to their face, every single day for the rest of my life.

When the Choosing Ceremony came the choice was easy, Dauntless. The rush of adrenaline that came with it was what drew me to it the most, even though I wasn't particularly brave. Or that's what I thought.

A week has passed. And now I was finally realizing what a mistake I have made.

The courage isn't a problem anymore, I'm brave enough to do a lot of things. It's the strength and the endurance that's a problem, but only at the moment. I can't let myself become Factionless. Hence why I'm awake so early today.

If I want to be above the red line, the only way my name can get there is if I work harder and train harder.

The training room was empty when I entered it. It seemed so hollow, unlike the rest of the day when it's filled with members of Dauntless faction and its recruits.

I've been training for an hour. Running, doing some durability exercises and hitting a punching bag. But I zoned out while doing it.

And before I noticed, my knuckles were bloody. I forgot to put wraps and gloves on. So when I looked at my knuckles, the skin there was torn and covered in blood. Yet, I continued punching.

My determination and ambition were driving me towards my goal and maybe slightly insane.

The pain hasn't faded away, it has just become more prominent in my train of thoughts. From which I was pulled by a voice behind me.

"Training hard?" Four asked.

"Well it's either that or I can join the Factionless," I turned around to face him. "Eat or be eaten kind of a situation."

I notice his smile growing smaller once he sees my hands. But I just wave it off.

"It's nothing." I say, putting on a fake smile.

"Lucy," My name comes from his lips like a whisper.

"Maybe you should take some rest, stop training for a bit."

"No way, I'm fine," I say and return to my new work out routine. "See, no need for me to stop."

But at the next punch I wince. The amount of pain being unbearable and making me sick to my stomach. Or maybe the nausea is there cause I didn't have anything to eat.

And now both Four and the lack of food were on my way to success.

Four looks at me, a look of concern all over his face.

"You're still feeling fine? Or are you ready to drop all of this bullshit and let me help?"

"Help how?" I asked, confused.

"For starters, no more training this really in the morning. So, breakfast first," He started speaking, but not without me interrupting him.

"Look, whatever you think, don't. Because I'm fine. And I don't need breakfast to be able to kick someone's ass and get my name above the red line."

"You know I'm right. It's all over your face that you're nauseous. So quit this whole charade and let's get you something to eat." He says sternly.

Even though it's not supposed to be that way, I find this side of him weirdly attractive and appealing to me. But I push those feelings away.

"Okay," I say. "I just need to clean and bandage my knuckles first."

"Fine, I'll help you. And don't even think about arguing with me about it." He says, and it's like he read my mind.

He leads me to what I assume is his room. I sit on the edge of the bed while he gathers everything that he needs.

"This is gonna hurt a little." He warns before cleaning my knuckles.

I have never thought I was gonna see Four be this caring, but here I am.

"Thank you." I whisper.

"It's nothing, you don't have to mention it." He answers.

"Yeah, well, it's really hard for me to ask for help. So if, by any chance, I look ungrateful, I'm not. That's all." I blurt out.

Four just gives me a nod, not saying anything.

After he finishes bandaging my injured hands, he tells me to stay there and get some rest.

Two weeks have passed, I'm standing in the room filled with other Dauntless recruits.

The day has come.

They're announcing who made it into the faction. And my name is there, above the red line.

An ear to ear grin spreads across my face and I just look at Four. Who's already looking at me. And I know that he's proud of me.

All of the pain paid off. Now I know for sure that this is my new home. And I also got a really good friend along the way.

It's the butterflies in my stomach that are a problem. And they haven't once left during this two weeks.

I guess they're even more durable than me.

#four divergent #tobias eaton #dauntless #erudite #factions #oc #divergent #whump prompt #ai less whumptober #bloody knuckles

[spaceoperetta]

today I learned a new phrase!

tw suicide, long post where I talk about how awful I've been feeling

'passively suicidal.'

of all things, I saw it on a twitter post about kendall roy

and, uh, that's what I'm going through right now I'm having a bad time.

I'll be fine I'm not going to do anything but I have cried every day for the last two weeks. don't give yourself constant jaw pain by letting a new-to-me dentist file down the side of your tooth. (I needed a filling replaced early bc of pain but it was nothing compared to this, I'm so stupid and instantly knew something was wrong after, I legit got home and wanted to hurt myself, but when I called the dentist back they wanted to file more shit down to fix it and, no.)

Ways to fix it run anywhere from 'get the filling adjusted by a different, trusted professional' (done, but they can't build up what was ground down) to 'try a mouth guard' (better but doesn't fix the issue) and I guess I'll need a crown or to cope with unending pain in my jaw for the rest of my life. except they make crowns off your current tooth and it's not right! and I got a filling since then elsewhere! something I am utter shit at because I caused it by saying yes it's not like I was hit by a car

hurts to talk, no singing from me, and I still can't do all that much shit with my wrists and therefore hands because, still recovering from wrist surgery. and my neck's been hurting for two months.

going to see a new therapist next week, at least. unfortunately due to my first hand POV of my siblings extensive health issues I always think my health issues will never go away/get worse. because that's been my past two years and also my past six months

anyway turns out 'passively suicidal' is the correct phrase for what I went through in college due to my whole breakdown and it's back except I'm not in school and it's in my body and even though I know it doesn't matter, they're issues I caused myself, one way or another. (and that's what's driving me crazy with self-loathing amidst the pain)

working on fixing things but I have no energy and mostly just sit around like a lump and crying a lot. I need a routine but that's hard when all I want to do is sleep or do nothing, barely keeping on with 'massage healing surgery site 3x a day' my first one was at 2pm today.

so, uh, I'm feeling up there with said college breakdown for worse consistent feeling in life. I'm not going to do anything I just feel sad and upset and awful most of the time either that or nothing and I have successfully zoned out for a few hours watching streams or internet videos. I have trouble imagining any future for myself, career-wise, personal life-wise, anything. I've never been good at that, and granted, I've spent more of my adult life being depressed than being productive.

anyway, hopefully like the mountain goats say, there will come a day when I will feel better, but when that day's coming, who can say?

I got some prozac from my pcp but haven't started it yet due to imagined, easily resolved barriers

I just feel like if I don't fix things it'll be like this forever and this will never go away. because it's fucking jaw pain and I have to fix the bite issue. my orthodontist said my bite's always been shit and my dentist said my bite is 'perfect' and uh I believe one of the more than the other.

I've just had a lot of health issues this year and half of them were caused by saying 'yes' to something I shouldn't have and now I'm in pain and the other half were 'so you played too many videogames two years ago to distract from the desire to self harm and now you just think about how that harmed you even more than that moment of slapping yourself would have'

yes I know it's all stupid

#tw suicide mention #comedic ish opening to something that isn't comedic at all #my house is a mess I have shit everywhere bc I just put everything on the tables

[xerserise]

1. I have something going on with dopamine (many of my issues are correlated with dopamine stuff) which makes it hard to be happy.

2. The dopamine stuff and possibly other neurology of mine (combined with the world I was raised in) mean I have significant executive function issues—making it hard to start things, keep doing things, finish things, plan things, and even to want things.

I'm trying to find more joy in life, because it sucks being miserable all the time. But finding things that give me joy is hard work. Getting myself to start the thing that might be fun is work. Pretty soon, doing the novel and interesting thing that made me happy becomes work, because it's not new and doesn't keep my interest and doesn't hold as many secrets to uncover—it's just another thing I did/learned/tried, and forcing myself to maintain it becomes a hated chore.

The more interests I've gone through, the more overlap there is with other potential interests. I've already done something like that, so why do it again? (But also sometimes: I've already done something like that, so I have some skills that can transfer over.)

Do I constantly chase a new interest? Do I try to reignite passion for an interest I'm losing passion for? Do I pick up an old interest again, in the hopes that a spark flares up? Do I expose myself to new things outside my comfort zone (Hah! No.)?

The problem is, interest can't be forced, only attention. So most of the time, if I'm not trying to make myself wash dishes or brush my teeth or call the doctor or something, I'm disinterestedly whiling away the time with something relatively mindless and mildly entertaining (often while trying to get myself to stop doing the mindless thing and get myself to do the important thing). Which is no way to discover new interests or take care of the home or get a to-do list done. It is soothing, though. Sometimes. Occasionally.

On the other hand, getting joy out of doing things kicks my brain into high gear (heavily focused on the fun thing) without giving me choice of where my focus goes, often leaving necessary things undone (leading to future misery).

Forcing myself to care for myself and do necessary household stuff uses so much of my energy and my limited capacity to choose where focus goes. After that, my brain needs a break. But the first break of the day is often the end of the 'working day'. Regardless of when the break occurs. The next day, I once again have to push myself to get fed and washed and take care of stuff around the house, collapsing before it's all done. And again. And again. And...

My attempts to connect with others (because doing fun things with people is fun, and I want to have more fun) online leads to idly scrolling my feeds, which have been curated to show me things I think are important. So an idle decision to check my notifications will result in idly scrolling for hours through post after post about how people are being harmed by the systems of society, and by genocide and by individual acts of bigotry. And in person, you can't block people or choose to skip over their rants or check someone's profile before making a choice about whether to engage in conversation.

Anyway, the moral of this story is: [possum_screaming.png]

#dopamine #depression #autistic #adhd #lonely

[timeoverload]

I have come to the conclusion that anything negative I say on here can and has been used against me somehow in real life. I feel like I can't express my frustration without it causing problems. I know I sound like a broken record and I should stop complaining about the same shit all the time. I know I should just be quiet instead of being annoying.

I also am not trying to be impatient but it's hard sometimes. Maybe if I knew what has been going on with you this whole time, it would be easier for me to understand. You are going to have a lot of explaining to do when the time comes because you haven't told me much. I am mentally preparing myself for that because I know I'm going to learn a lot of things at once. I am not trying to make you feel bad. Communication helps a lot. Sometimes I wish you would write me long messages about your day because I would love to hear about it. I want to get to know you as well as you know me.

I don't want people thinking that I'm ungrateful because I'm not at all but I can't expect others to know exactly what is going on in my head. I spend a lot of my day thinking that things could always be worse and I am better off than a lot of people in the world right now. I was finishing up my work earlier and I was literally thinking about how lucky I am to live in a place that isn't a war zone. I'm always thinking about that stuff and how much others are suffering even though I don't talk about it that much. A lot of my problems are trivial in comparison. I know I still take a lot for granted but I try not to. I wish the world was a better place for everyone.

I don't want to talk about my day because I don't want to say anything bad. I generally don't have many positive things to say about work. One of the eye patients did say thank you to me today as they were getting wheeled out of the operating room. I don't usually hear that from patients directly so that made me feel good. Sometimes I don't think about the impact that I have on other people's lives so it's good to be reminded. I did get off an hour early too so I guess that was nice. I probably won't get to the rest of the week though.

I still haven't heard back about next week so I don't really know what I'm going to do. I am also afraid to go back to the shop because I don't want to get emotional like I did last time. I will try to avoid acting that way as long as I am able to go.

I am planning on going to bed early. I am so bored with everything that I would rather just sleep.

Hope everyone has a great day tomorrow. 💖💖💖

#personal

[yooniesim]

Because I trust you to give it to me straight- what is your opinion on time zone reblogging? It is driving me NUTS. I see the same posts on my dash over and over with the tzr or whatever tag and I can't tell what the heck timezone they're doing it for because it's so random. Also...no one likes your content so much they need to see it half a dozen times a day so someone in another time zone might see it. And THEN if I want to scroll someone's blog, I see the same posts over and over because their mobile dash is their same posts reblogged continuously. I just don't understand the phenomenon. To me it's narcissistic, like you're so desperate for notes and validation youre forcing everyone to see your posts again and again. Yes I could block the tag but it doesn't just make the posts disappear, it hides them with a viewing disclaimer which is also annoying. I personally wish it wasn't such a trend in this community. I unfollow people over it at this point.

Oh I get you nonny. I actually do it myself but usually it's either once per day or once the next day after I post the original post. I do think it helps ppl see your post, especially if you post it at a bad time initially (like during school/work hours or on a holiday for example, when a lot of ppl aren't really on tumblr). I don't actually do it for an actual timezone I just do it randomly whenever I remember lol. But generally around 12 hours or so since it was first posted? Oh and if it's a cc post sometimes tzr helps cc finds blogs see it cos sometimes the tagging doesn't work i find. That's the most practical reason I've found for it. But I generally think one time a day is plenty enough to get the post out there for your mutuals that haven't seen it yet.

However I also don't really get the point of doing it 5-6 times a day, or setting it up for like, every four hours to be reblogged. It spams the dash and ppl's blogs the way you described. And I have unfollowed ppl too that do it like constantly. Idk if I'd go so far as to call it narcissistic but I do find it funny when it's like a non cc post with like 300+ notes and like four to six hours later the person tzr it, especially if they do it over and over? I don't blame them for it but I kinda encourage ppl not to get into that mindset bc it doesn't seem very fun ya know? It seems stressful in a way. I don't find that kind of behavior narcissistic no, more like it's showing the person's stress or worry that they won't get "enough" notes. Which i don't see as a negative towards them as a person as much as kinda the toxic environment we're all in that makes you feel unworthy or a flop if you don't get notes. It's hard but I think excessive timezone reblogging just winds up doing the opposite for you though as people will wind up getting annoyed and unfollowing. So for general simblr advice I'd say, 1 tzr a day is plenty enough, if that lol. Anything past that is just gonna see diminishing returns and annoyed followers. Do you agree nonny or do you think tzr should be gone entirely? 🤔

#asks #anonymous #ceci speaks #negative #i guess #nonny complaints #lol #new tag maybe

[angelo-the-doctor-of-feelings]

Hiii Angel ^_^🌟🧡

It's moonie >.<🌙🤍

first of all hope you're doing well and you're happy:>

Ummm... How should I force and convince myself that I shouldn't get distracted by every living and non-living thing ????? """))))

It's like I'm super focused on something out of the blue and I'm working on that thing for over 7 hours and then boom 💥 my super focused is gone. And I'm betrayed by my own stupid brain AND you wanna know the funny part? Is there a funny part?...NO absolutely not. It's more like... Painful.

Any.way

Then I can't focus on a single thing and there are so many voices that they are talking to me but they are Actually talking with themselves but I'm commenting on their random rambling... And I'm stuck but at the same time I'm wandering through the subjects they are talking about while I'm also reading an article... And then I realise I am even mumbling the sentences but I'm not the one understanding it.... It's a bit .... Complicated?... And also I can't find the first subject that distracted me from the actual subject...and sometimes the actual subject is totally vanished and disappeared from my mind but I do remember the common points that connected those topics in my mind .... Ummm.... And also.... I'm like.... listening to a person talking to me and when I break the eye contact with them or I take my eyes off from what they are doing and what they are trying to explain to me .... Basically They lost me at the first couple of sentences.... yeah I'm zoned out. AGAIN*

And when I'm back to the real world I feel like that unfortunate and miserable kid who turned his head away from the board for one hundredth of a second in math class.... Confused/Trying to find an explanation for everything that happened in those five seconds(it was clearly more than 5s....) that i was zoned out/ and disappointed of myself because it happend AGAIN and And I can't do anything to help myself........

The worst thing is I was always like this.even when I was a kid (-_-;) And the times when I get stressed more than normal, all this gets worse and it's unbearable....I didn't know exactly what ADHD was until eight months ago, and now I understand that all the problems I have and they really bother me sometimes... are not normal things and don't happen to all people... And I thought that all people would have these confusions... Um..... do you have any advice Angel ")??.... It would be profoundly life changing for me and I would be deeply grateful 🥲🤍🧡🌙🌟🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

Hiiiiiiiiiii, Moonie! 🌙

First: THAT IS A VERY LONG INBOX MESSAGE, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TAKING THE TIME TO WRITE ALL THAT. 🧡

Second: Sounds EXTREMELY EXHAUSTING but also VERY FAMILIAR to me.

💯 ADHD.

How can I answer all of that in a way that is NOT confusing??

I simply have to try.

First a summary of what you expressed & what I gathered from it:

You get distracted easily & you seem to have trouble focusing if you need to

You are able to hyperfocus on things you enjoy for a long period of time but you also loose the ability to do so (afterwards?)

You have a very busy mind, a constant chatter in your brain that is very distracting & hinders you from doing anything

You zone out in conversations (because of boredom, your constant stream of multiple thought-trains, distracting things in your surroundings?)

You happen to feel a lot of guilt around your expressed problems & I can read that you are sad (struggling with your mental health perhaps?)

As an ADHDler I can tell you: You are no burden. You are not stupid. You are not worthless. You are not bad. You are not lazy.

I know it seems that way sometimes & people are not very... understanding when it comes to ADHD. They always say we're lazy or not trying hard enough . Which is not true & I do not want you to believe that.

I am absolutely sure you're trying your best, Moonie.

*gets my googles out*

As Dr. Feelings I can give you the following advice:

If you have access to a medical professional, consider getting medication - it can truly help with focus, but it is not a must & don't feel forced. Some people are happy with medication, some are not. There are always some side effects. But that is also a topic for your health professional.

Work with your strengths. You have a lot of strengths as an ADHDler. Search of them & try to use them to your benefit. You know yourself best. For example, I have found my ways of staying on track with chores. It's not always working which is fine. It's normal to struggle.

Fidgets. They are life-saving for me.

Research. Connect with other ADHDlers, get to know what Neurodiversity is about. (You reached out to me, so yay, congrats!)

*takes googles off*

You are right. Most people do not suffer to the extend we do. They might say 'oh, I experience * ADHD symptom* too', but the intensity & frequency is completely different. They do NOT know what it's like.

I don't want you to feel 'abnormal'. You are normal. You are okay. You are neurodivergent. You are amazing & you have your own kind of normal which is definitely normal among neurodivergent people.

Imagine your mind as a computer.

Neurotypical people run with Windows while we run with IOS. Which is cool when we have our own tech (our own strategies) in our own IT-zone (in a neurodivergent friendly setting), but when we are forced to run our IOS computer (aka brain) in a setting made for Windows...

It is NOT really manageable without problems, is it?

You can try to emulate (mask your struggles, try to blend in) but at what cost (mental health struggles etcetera)?

Just some little food for thought!

🧡☀️🧡☀️🧡☀️

Also: No neurotype is better than the other! This is also true for the given example with IOS & Windows. I chose these programs because they're easy to understand.

#mikeys magic family #dr feelings is at your service #mikeys world of feelings #turtle net #rottmnt #adhd coded #mikey has adhd #mikey tmnt #rottmnt mikey roleplay #rottmnt mikey has adhd #adhd #rise mikey adhd #neurodivergent #comfort character #comfort

[thornofshadows]

I Made A Friend Today

For @patchwork-parsley

Freshman orientation is just a universal right of passage for new students. Upperclassmen wearing name tags get to skip a class or two to show a new student around. Legosi student stood there, zoning out a bit when they sound of a woman impatiently clearing her throat brought him back to reality.

“Oh uh, hi." Legosi waved, nervously.

“Hey.” Y/N waved back. A counselor introduced the pair so Legosi could show them around. “I hate this…being in a new place…” they thought. “But….he seems nice at least.” The tigress counselor started speaking again, “Show them around Legosi, the common area, basement and biology rooms, cafeteria, and dorms then back to the auditorium. Ok?” The two students nodded.

Legosi nods, "Alright. This is the cafeteria," he looks around, showing them where everything is, "...And this is the common area," he gestures to a group of tables, "And these are the dorms which are over here," he leads them to the doors of the dorms. “It's actually pretty nice here...” they think.

"The dorms are split into two sections. The first floor belongs to the carnivore students and the second floor belongs to the herbivore students. You can tell the difference when you're in either section." Legosi explains, "The only time the two sections meet is here in the cafeteria."

Legosi looks back to the person he is showing around.

“So, uh, where are you from?" He says.

“Kobe.” Y/N smiled.

“Hmm. You just moved?”

“Yeah, new town new me!” Y/N sighed. “So what do you do for fun around here, Legosi?” They looked up at him. He thought for a moment.

"I guess I don't really do much. I've just been keeping to myself. I do like reading." Legosi responds, "That's pretty much it." He sighed.

“You need to get out more! Now that I go here we can hang out when you’re not busy!…if you want that is.” Y/N scratched their neck nervously. Friend-making is hard when you’re both awkward.

Legosi thinks for a minute and his eyes light up, "Wait, you mean like, as friends? We could hang out?" He looks happy.

“Yes! I got to say, being in a new place surrounded by new people is hard. But…you seem easy to talk to.” Y/N blushed hoping they weren’t being too pushy.

“I guess having a friend wouldn't be too bad.”Legosi nods, "Well, I would like that." He starts to blush. "Uhm, I've got to show you the basement for biology hour and the auditorium now." Legosi says, trying to act normal.

“What’s in the basement?” Y/N asks, curiously.

"Oh, it's not super interesting. There's just a bunch of exercise equipment, a weightroom, and an art room. And we have special rooms where each species get to exercise their basic instincts with other members of their species.” Legosi explained. Y/ N seemed to consider.

“Art you an artist, Legosi?”

"Oh, um, a little bit, yeah..." Legosi answers, looking a little embarrassed. "I can't say I'm very good though. Maybe if you wanted we could go down to the art room and you could see some of my sketches."

“I’d love that!” Y/N beamed.

"Great." Legosi smiles, "Let's go." They head downstairs to the art room.

"So, this is the art room," Legosi says, pointing to a table and chairs, as well as a shelf of art utensils, "And this is my favorite part." He leads them over to a wall with a bunch of art pieces on it. "These are all my drawings." He points out some of his favorite drawings that he worked on. He notices Y/N looking at him a lot. Enthusiasm is infectious.

“This is amazing! It’s like you can take a picture in your head and draw it better. I really like that!” Y/N observed all of them closely. Seeing something they enjoyed put them more at ease. “Besides art, are you in any other clubs?” They asked.

"Oh, thank you. I've been working on improving my art, I always loved drawing." Legosi's eyes light up when Y/N compliments him. "I'm also in the drama club." He answers with a smile.

He looks at Y/N, who has a warm smile. “Tell me about drama club! I was a theatre kid in elementary school.”

"Oh, uh, well it's a lot of fun. We act out a lot of different plays and also make up our own." Legosi smiles, he thinks about some of his favorite memories in the drama club. He also notices that Y/N has taken a big interest in him, which he likes. "Actually there's going to be a play soon. I was talking to Louis about it earlier, he's also in drama."

"...Oh, sorry, I just realize I'm probably talking your ear off, I do that a lot..." He laughs nervously. *I think I'm probably making an idiot of myself.*

“No! It’s okay, I think this is the best conversation I’ve had since moving here. I haven’t been very social. I’m kind of quiet otherwise…” they looked to the floor shyly. He hummed. “Yeah…I get that. This is actually a lot more than I usually talk to people... I don't really know what to talk about with people." Legosi laughs self-consciously. "It's probably more the fact that you actually seem interested in talking to me that's making me talk more. I usually don't like talking that much." He smiles, "I guess you actually seem like a cool person."

"Uhm. Yeah, you seem pretty cool too," Legosi nods, "Well, now we just have to get back to the auditorium." Legosi starts to leave. "Hey, I should give you my phone number." He looks to Y/N, "That way we can maybe hang out after school or something."

“I’d like that very much, Legosi!” Y/N gave him their phone. It was awesome being able to make a friend on the first day.

“Yes! My first friend!” Y/N takes down his information and sends them a message with a joke. "Awesome. I have your number now, I guess I'll text you." Legosi considers something for a minute. "Do you want to check out the last part of the school? The gardening club is pretty nice."

“Yeah! Let’s go!”

[storm-breaker7]

// Missing something \\

Pairing: Cliffjumper x Reader

Summery: Your mourning the death of Cliffjumper and the newly found kids aren't making things easier. And just to note, don't go out on angry drives, you get kidnapped.

Warnings: Angst & Blood (tell me if I missed something)

// ∆ \\

I walked up to Cliffjumper with a chipper smile. "How's everything goin'?" I had asked.

"Well if you were to ask Ratchet I'm sure he would say somethin' different." Cliff replied with, I practically knew what Ratchet was about to say. I can't forget this day.. now I nearly know it off by heart.

"Cliffjumper- Do I have to say this for the third time today. Painting my tools bright. neon. pink. Is definitely your fault." Ratchet grumbled from his place by the monitors.

I sighed happily, If only I knew... That it was my last happy day of my life. I zoned back into the real harsh world with tears streaming down my face. I sobbed quietly in some part of the base I don't know.

"I should have spent my last moments with him better-" I choked out between sobs, "Or at least told him how I- felt... But no-" I broke out in tears again knowing that because I was too chicken I'll never be able to tell him now.

I heard some talking, some voices I hadn't recognised. I pulled myself together trying to look like I hadn't just balled my eyes out for the last hour, before trying to find my way back to the main part of the base.

"Who owns the sweet ride here?" I heard a young naive girls voice call, what the hell have the bots done now...

I stomped out of the hall, a storm cloud practically sitting above me. Now I had a bit of a resemblance to Ratchets mood. "Don't touch it, sparkles." I sneered at the child, I pulled the door open of my '69 Impala got in and slammed the door closed.

Poor Baby, I don't like slamming her doors 'cause she's fragile but at the moment I don't think I was in the mood for a lecture. Just as I was about to turn the key and stay her I heard, "What crawled up her tailpipe and died.."

I slammed my hand on the steering wheel and got back out of the car, leaving the driver's door open and storming over to the kid. "Let me make this crystal clear, kid" I growled gabbing my finger in her chest, "I am not in the m-"

"Y/n, I don't believe it is wise to take your anger out on children" Prime intervened,

"Fine!" I glared at the kid again before walking back over to my car, "I'm going, for a long drive. Don't be surprised if I don't come back."

And with that the Impala roared alive, I yanked the poor girl into a U-turn and left with the almighty howl of baby's engine slowly dying out as I got further and further from the base.

/∆\ Pov change rq /∆\

"What'd I do?" Miko, the girl that had only meant her words as a joke looked around, completely baffled.

"She's in denial..." Arcee said slowly, knowing very well what you went through, but you had a larger scar from this that was still healing. Because unlike you, Arcee was more used to death of friends, much to her distaste.

"Of what..?" The short brown haired boy asked, Raf looked around for answers. Ratchet grimaced and looked away trying to put his mind back to work. Arcee slumped down, bowing her head with sorrow written all over her features. Bulkhead closed his eyes and mumbled something, Prime only looked down at the floor with great sorrow. Bee wurred sadly and Raf noodles solemnly.

"What did someone die?" Miko interjected, Everyone squeezed their optics shut, trying to imagine she didn't just say that. If Y/n hadn't left miko would be dead already.

"Yea, actually..." Arcee mumbled softly, the air around them all was so tense and thick it made all the bots feel as if they were suffocating.

"oh.." Miko dragged her words out looking to where your Impala had only left a minute ago, "I really realise why she almost exploded now..."

...

"Your not making this better." Arcee pointed out after the silence had dragged out long enough.

/∆\ Back to youuuu /∆\

I lightly but angrily tapped the steering wheel focusing too hard on the deserted road in front of baby.

I couldn't drive to my house... well, because I didn't have one, I live in base. Thats the courtesy of the decepticons. I smiled sadly, it's when I met Cliffjumper too. Happy times.

Way better than now, If those children would have came maybe a month earlier I would have welcomed them with open arms but now im just a lifeless husk of my old self... what a great person I turned out to be.

I pushed harder on the accelerator, but backed off when I saw a car on the horizon. I thought nothing of it and continued to focus some random flashy red sports car didn't bother me.

Wait- A flashy red sports car! Knockout! I thought to myself. I yanked back on the hand brake and yanked the steering wheel left, doing a hard U-turn. Baby roared when I slammed the hand brake back down and I put the pedal to the metal.

I leaned down and tried to grab my phone that went flying into the passenger side footwell. I felt it and pulled myself back up, my eyes hadn't moved from the road as I continued to multi-task. I flipped open my phone and quickly speed dialed the base.

"What did you do now Y/n?" Ratchet asked over the phone, he sounded conflicted like he was working on something and his mind wasn't actually paying any attention to this.

"Well I don't know, Tryna go for a nice drive and blow off some steam, but that was until a flashy red sports car decided to tail me!" I grumbled at the phone, I looked quickly into the rear-view mirror and noticed K.O was closer than I would have liked.

"so a ground bridge?" Ratchet asked,

"No I want a cup of tea to share with Knockout. What do you think!!" I yelled over the phone, trying to convey my message as lightly as I could, and this is putting it lightly... yea the perks of having a short temper and road rage... whoohoo.

"My audio receptors.." Ratchet mumbled,

"I don't have time for your old gears to catch up ratchet! I need a damn ground bridge! I'm going to become Decepticon chow if you can't get your head outta whatever you doing." I desperately told the phone as I continued to flick my eyes up to the rear-view mirror and the road in front of me.

I glanced down at baby's ol' gadge, We still could go a tad faster... I just need to get him off my tail... I growled curse words then proceeded to push my foot further, much to Baby's disagreement as the car spluttered for a second before catching up. Slowly I gave myself a small gap of opportunity, "Ratchet dont open a ground bridge yet, Listen very carefully." I started, He hummed sharply showing that he was listening.

"I want you to open the ground bridge and the end of this road I'm going down on my mark, and close it just before I make it in, so K.O cant follow... for safety measures..?" I explained.

"Alright. On your mark." Ratchet said, I heard some shuffling on his end but pushed it off to the not important at the moment box in my mind.

I squinted my eyes at the horizon, seeing my target. I glanced back up at the rear-view mirror once more. I had made a gap that was about a yard, that will do fine. When I glanced back at the road in front of me then to the left, my eyes widened. Well fuck.

A blue hummer-like car was off the road to my left then slammed into Baby, flipping the car. I was yanked around I heard some frantic voices but couldn't make them out with all the slamming I heard.

I don't think Baby is looking to good...

I unclipped my seat belt but when I hit the floor I noticed to large red pedes next to another blue pair. This is going from bad to worse. "Oi, shut up." I whisper yelled at my phone grabbing it quickly and pushed it in my back jean pockets. They must have listen because I couldn't hear their frantic calls now.

I was reaching for a peace of glass from the now shattered windscreen all over the roof... or rather floor... and only just grabbed it before a clawed hand grabbed my leg, I hissed in pain but quickly slipped it into a small coin pocket in the jeans.

I was lifted into the air and was dangling upside down. K.O shook his hand a bit and it made my vision go weird and my gut wants to come up and out of my mouth, not a nice feeling. "Why does Starscream even want this revolting flesh bag anyway?"

"Don't know, we best get out of here before the Autobots turn up" I groaned when knockout threw me in the air and grabbed me again in his palm. I looked back at baby....

"It'll Buff out..." I mumbled to myself, Next thing I know I see the light of a ground bridge right behind Baby, couldn't they have gotten closer, I thought to myself as I started to see black dots and my head hurled with every move Knockout made to get into their own ground bridge.

I was thrown into K.Os passenger seat just as I went to call for them. So much so a drive, I don't think me or baby is ganna make it outta this one..

Then Bam nose to the dash and out I go, something must have hit K.O because I went hurling forward and knocked myself out. Smart.

// ∆ \\

Maybe an hour later or a day, how could I know, I cracked my eyes open only to see the ground far far below in a dark creepy room. I squeezed my eyes closed trying to get my fear to calm down.

I cracked my eyes open again but I didn't look down in fear that if I do, I might fall. I glanced around, swallowing hard. I'm definitely not cut out for this sh-. My thoughts started but a loud hiss came from the door shut it up and focused on what was going to come through.

"Starscream and his need to get those Autobots is stupid, Why get a human? And why does he think he can do a better job at killing Optimus when he barely can do anything without running like a cowar-" I heard K.O say to himself as he walked in but as he noticed I was awake he cut himself off and smirked, "Good to know my patient has come out of their beauty sleep."

I groaned and dared to look down again, but instead of focusing on the ground I looked at the patch of blood on my shirt. I was stinging but I'm sure when I'm out of shock I'll feel how bad it is...

"You don't talk much do you..? Somethin' got your tongue?" K.O teased. I smelt the air and all I could really smell was the sweet smell of energon and blood, as well as sweat and a freshly buffed paint, Definitely Knockout... seen as how shiny his finish is.

"Sorry, can you repeat that? I don't speak Bitch" I hissed at the pain of talking. If looks could kill, I'm sure K.O would be 6ft under already.

"Well you sure do have some guts to talk to me like that!" K.O growled and pointed his finger at me before whipping around and rummaging through some tools.

"And who are you? The Decepticons Mascot?" I growled through my teeth, my adrenaline was slowly fading and the pain of something grabbed in my side was slowing filling it's place.

"I'll show you how this mascot cuts a human in half. Oh wait! You won't be able to see it because I'll use you as the test subject!" Knockout stomped over but stopped about halfway when a 'Con minion stormed in.

"Commander Knockout, The Autobots have stormed the Nemesis! Lord Starscream has commanded you to get over to the west wing to deal with the Autobots with most of our troops." It told K.O ominously before scurrying off, the door closing with a light slam.

"I deal with you later. I have some Autobots to dance with, per Starscreams orders" Knockout pointed at me, "Don't go anywhere"

"Oh of course, I'll just escape and break my legs from the fall! Where can I go?" I yelled at him sourly as he left but coughed up blood. I looked down once more at my wound to see something shiny. When my eyes focused I realised it had been glass, a big chunk straight in my side.

I let out a pained groan again and closed my eyes. When I opened them I wasn't in the room anymore, no I was in an endless white room. "Y/n!" I heard an all too familiar voice from behind me, My side wasn't bleeding but I didn't care if It still had a bullet in it, I whipped around and ran for Cliffjumper.

He scooped me up and held me close to his chassis, I leaned into his neck cables and balled my eyes out. "I missed you so- so much!" I choked out in between my happy crying.

"Hey, kiddo... So did I.." A happy smile speed across his features,

"Look, the last time I hesitated when I wanted to say this I never got to. So I'm saying it now..." I quickly told him then took a deep breath. He hummed his azure optics carefully studying my shaking frame.

"I love you and I really wish that I would have been able to tell you that before you passed but- but I didn't and now yo-you'll never know a- and I can't go back now-" I started to speed talk and get agitated the more I spoke but when his servo lightly touched my shoulder, my words were caught in my throat.

"Slow down, flash, You love me?" He asked, his voice sounding as smooth as the day I lost him. But I just nodded, too scared to reply. Even if this was a figment of my imagination... I still will make it feel like it's real, to calm my haywire mind.

"Don't worry, princess, I'm watching over ya' so don't cry and say hi to Arcee for me" He kissed my head lightly and then put me down on the ground with the same grace. He did the gun fingers, or digits in his case, and then faded into nothing. I sighed, looking down. I closed my eyes and ran my hands down my face before opening them again.

I was back in the dark gloomy room, which reminded me of my mind. But instead of the blaster shots being far and almost faint they were now ringing in my ears. I howled out in pain, from the large migraine and the sharp glass stull in my side.

Only moments later, after more pained groans and depressing thoughts, the door burst open. Arcee and bumblebee came running through and quickly helped you out of your restraints.

I collapsed into Bee's servos and yelled out in pain, the glass moved around and only made it feel more pleasant... That was sarcastic just for those who didn't pick up on it.

I zoned in and out of consciousness, only remembering snippits. Bee running, Optimus and Arcee with Bee, the ground bridge, Ratchet and June prodding me then a blinding light in my eyes then nothing.

I groaned lightly as I came to my scenes, my ears ringing, eyes trying to adjust, my fingers feeling the cotton blanket that had been draped over me earlier. I leaned up a tad and opened my eyes.

Home at last.... I thought, a smile on my face as I laid back down, falling back into unconscious. Happy that I was back home and could rest easy.

#tfp #transformers #transformers prime #optimus prime #x reader #Arcce #Bumblebee #Team prime #cliffjumper x reader #autobots #storm7breaker posts

[tadpolesonalgae]

this chapter was so good! i feel like we got to see a little of everyone's thoughts here which im glad because her view of everything really is so limited. there's so much to say omg i hope i don't rant for too long

first the azriel pov was good to see how things are going from his side but it does kinda suck that he still mostly cares just because of his job. i hope we actually get some feelings from him soon, even if platonic because things aren't looking good for reader

maybe i've been too hard on the ic lol but i stand by that they should try harder. i get elain telling nesta she needs time but this has been going on for years and no matter how much reader likes reading and staying up in her room it's not healthy. i get it worked for elain but it's clearly getting worse for reader so i hope after this shopping trip they start pulling her out of her comfort zone more and more, like it doesn't have to be dinners with everyone but at least once or twice a week making sure someone takes her out of the house even to like a bakery or something for at least an hour isn't that hard to do and it helps a lot. i know i get stuck on this issue a lot but i think ive said before that im kind of similar to reader in a way, ive always had a tendency to isolate myself and i cant really do large groups of people but my family has always pulled me out of it and dragged me to do something and i was usually mad the entire time and sometimes half in a panic but it works. giving her time and space is good but after months and especially years that space is just making her more and more isolated and makes it harder to help. and i think the biggest thing is that its been years since she's been fae but it makes sense that they had their hands full with the war and then nesta was on a way more self destructive path and then nyx so i get it but i wish they helped more. and i get elain not wanting to make her more uncomfortable but she's not really helping to be honest, just because she likes being in her room it doesn't make it good at all and nesta is right. it's been too long for them to still be letting her hide from everything, it's clear she isn't okay.

as much as i loved the chapter it was so frustrating to read. reader really doesn't think she deserves anything good and it sucks. like not even clothes? i know mor saw how bad it was so i hope this makes the ic move more because this isn't a good way to live at all and there are so many red flags with reader at this point. she clearly isolates herself, she thinks she doesn't deserve anything good, she keeps comparing herself to everyone physically, she has no self esteem at all. the moments where she was examining the dress she liked and from the description it was a wool full length dress and she still found a way to think it was revealing? i never had much hope for her style but she really dresses like a nun and it also shows that she isn't comfortable with herself at all. also when she thought she was being selfish for buying clothes? im sorry to elain but reader doesn't need more space, she needs everyone to have a really serious conversation with her and tell her that she doesn't need to do anything to deserve a normal life and normal things, honestly i think it should be nesta or all the sisters because this is has bad as nesta was before acosf, she just hides instead of lashing out. and then she needs someone to start pushing her a bit, she'll have to be uncomfortable before she gets better but she can't keep going like this, she's basically punishing herself for breathing. eris would be good for the pushing her a bit part but i hope someone actually talks to her first.

the part when the ic finds out either about her powers or eris is going to be really messy but i hope it comes soon and honestly i kinda hope she says some of what she's feeling, even if it's in the middle of a breakdown because something needs to happen and she's not going to be able to do it without everyone's help. she has such a long way to go and she only seems like she's getting worse so i hope we get to see her starting to heal soon - 🧶

‘there's so much to say omg i hope i don't rant for too long’

I love whenever you send these in! It’s so fun to see you dissect the chapter and so heartwarming too 🥹🫂🫂

‘even if platonic because things aren't looking good for reader’

I hate to say it, but things are probably going to get worse before they get better 🫣 (maybe 👀)

I will admit, it would be nice to write them having a normal exchange for once? Maybe when reader’s come back from an outing and she’s too frazzled from so much interaction for her nerves to set in 🤭

‘ i get it worked for elain but it's clearly getting worse for reader’

I mean I suppose from their perspective reader and Elain are kind of similar in that they’re both pretty quiet and reserved so it would make sense that perhaps reader would have the same coping mechanisms as her? But yeah, now that it’s been two years and there’d kind of time to relax (👀) and things haven’t changed, Nesta at least is beginning to notice some stuff :/

‘but at least once or twice a week making sure someone takes her out of the house’

Also she does go out with Bas every now and then so they would have taken that into consideration, but at the same time I’ve head-cannoned it that they don’t know the nature of her and Bas’ relationship? Az at least thinks it’s still purely platonic (on reader’s side) so that might be fun for when the penny finally drops 🫣🤭

‘ and i was usually mad the entire time and sometimes half in a panic but it works.’

Gosh I know what you mean 🫠

In the moment it’s stressful and you don’t want to be there, but years later the memories are actually kind of fondly viewed? I think that will probably be the case with reader once she begins to get used to the company?

‘from the description it was a wool full length dress and she still found a way to think it was revealing?’

Yup! (Can you imagine how comfy that would be? 🫠) She certainly has some problems with seeing how she looks, and I like to think a lot of that comes from spending so long being forced to let go of her beauty when she was younger? Like she remembers how wonderful and full of colour her childhood was and has kind of glorified and exaggerated that in her mind? Memory has shifted it to be much more rich and beautiful than it probably was, so in the back of her mind she’s comparing how things used to be with her years in poverty, and stuck thinking instead of how lucky things have turned out and accepting them, thinking how she just doesn’t deserve them anymore :/

‘she needs everyone to have a really serious conversation with her’

There certainly will be a serious conversation at some point 👀🤭

‘eris would be good for the pushing her a bit part but i hope someone actually talks to her first.’

So this part I’m a little scared to write because once it’s out then everything else will have to happen 😭

The moment Elain talks with her and Eris starts to help (in his own skewered way, of course) then the story is going to have to move forward and I’m genuinely so scared to mess it up

‘the part when the ic finds out either about her powers or eris is going to be really messy’

Yeah… 😬😬😬

‘and honestly i kinda hope she says some of what she's feeling,’

It’s definitely going to be cathartic when she manages to do something for herself, let’s just hope the ic will be able to prioritise that over the mess with Eris 👀

Thank you so much for sending this in!! It’s always so wonderful to read through your thoughts and reply to them—it honestly makes me smile so wide to see these whenever you send them in 🧡💛🫂

#🧶 anon <3 #🧶 #cbmthy

[colloquialbitchisms]

SONGS FROM MY OC'S PLAYLIST THAT VIBE A LITTLE TOO HARD — PART 1

SATURDAY NIGHT'S ALRIGHT ( FOR FIGHTING ) – FALL OUT BOY COVER

“don't give us none of your aggravation.” “saturday night's alright for fighting.” “i may use a little muscle to get what i need.” “i'm a juvenile product of the working class.” “whose best friend floats at the bottom of a glass.”

YOU'RE GONNA GO FAR, KID — THE OFFSPRING

“show me how to lie.” “you're getting better all the time.” “he never had a chance.” “no one even knew it it was really only you.” “with a thousand lies and a good disguise.” “there's something in your way and now someone is gonna pay.” “you're gonna go far, kid.” “trust deceived.”

YOU MAY BE RIGHT — BILLY JOEL

“i've been stranded in the combat zone.” “i made it home alive, so you said that only proves that i'm insane.” “you may be right.” “i may be crazy.” “don't try to save me.” “you might enjoy some madness for a while.” “it's too late to fight.” “it's too late to change me.”

SMOOTH CRIMINAL — ALIEN ANT FARM COVER

“he left bloodstains on the carpet.” “[ name ], are you okay?” “you were struck down.” “it was your doom.”

BAD COMPANY — BAD COMPANY

“behind a gun i'll make my final stand.” “that's why they call me bad company.” “i can't deny.” “tell me that you're not a thief.” “oh, but i am.” “it's the way i play; dirty for dirty.” “somebody double crossed me.” “killed in cold blood.”

RENEGADE — STYX

“i'm in fear for my life.” “i'm so far from my home.” “you're so scared & all alone.” “i don't have very long.” “this'll be the end today.” “they finally found me.” “the renegade who had it made.” “i don't wanna go.” “no, no, no, i can't go.”

HOLD THE LINE — TOTO

“it's not in the way that you hold me.” “it's not in the way you say that you care.” “love isn't always on time.” “it's not in the way your love set me free.”

THIS IS GOSPEL — PANIC! AT THE DISCO

“these words are knives that often leave scars.” “the fear of falling apart.” “don't try to sleep through the end of the world.” “i won't give up without a fight.” “if you love me let me go.”

FAR TOO YOUNG TO DIE — PANIC! AT THE DISCO

“i've never so adored you.” “don't let me do this to myself.” “well, i never really thought that you'd come tonight.” “the crown weighs heavy on either side.” “give me one last kiss.” “we're far too young to die.”

CONTROL — HALSEY

“the house was awake, the shadows and monsters.” “the hallways, they echoed and groaned.” “i sat alone in bet till the morning.” “i tried to hold these secrets inside me.” “my mind's like a deadly disease.” “i'm colder than this home.” “i'm meaner than my demons.” “i can't help this awful energy.” “god damn right, you should be scared of me.” “i paced around for hours on empty.” “i jumped at the slightest of sounds.” “i couldn't stand the person inside me.” “i'm well acquainted with villains that live in my head.” “who is in control?”

#( it's all fun & games until someone loses an eye – memes ) #rp meme #rp memes #roleplay meme #roleplay memes

[sugaredviolence]

Somethings probably wrong with me. I 

I havent been to school in over a week. This year has just started but I'm already missing more days than I've been. 

                                                        why    WHY?!    why  WHY  wwhyWHWYHYW I don't understand why I can't go. I wake up and the dread of it and the anxiety of going just crawls up around me holding me down as it slowly burns me from the inside out.

I've never cared for my grades, if anything I wanted to care. I've always wished that I could study hard and work to be the top of my class, but the drive just doesnt exsist in me, its only imaginary. I never can force myself to do things that are difficult because they seem impossible, just earlier today I was struggling to even move, but I've declared that I must do one things everyday thats out of my comfort zone, so I did. It took me 2 hours and three trips into the kitchen to finally put away all the dishes.... honestly embarassing to admit.

The day has yet to finish but i can only imagine it will get worse, I'll try to get some of my school work done but no promises. It's only two assignments so it shouldnt be that hard right-?

#sorry for being depressing #fml #i hate it here #i hate everything #fix me #anxitey #anxi4ty #i want to disappear #i want to cvt #i want to diiiiie #i want to cry #i wanna kms #im so tired #vent post #tw vent #vent blog