#me to my best friend: So there is this girl in your orbit that's emotional and creative but really bad at dealing with conflicts

[galaxychaos78]

unrequited love w/jean part 1

unrequited love w/jean part 2

unrequited love w/jean feels like triumph for Eren Jeager. He's all too giddy to show off whenever Jean is near; peppering kisses all over your face, pulling you close during hangouts. muttering sickly sweet words into your ears that have you giggling. He absolutely relishes in the way Jean's face falls, the way his hands clench into fists. You eat it all up too which is icing on the cake; becoming absolute putty in your boyfriend's hands and tugging him away to go make out in his dorm like horny teens. everything is so perfect and it seems like the smile never leaves his face. you're happy too and it shows. the way you and Eren are joined at the hip, the tight embraces shared when you meet each other outside of classes. the hushed whispers and giggles of inside jokes and the absolute adoration that adorns your faces. you're eren's everything; his stars, his moon, his sun.

it makes jean's heart ache.

he had you. he had you and was too stupid, too late to realize it. now you were giving someone else your time, your care, your love. he wasn't in your orbit anymore. hell, jean knew he hadn't even crossed your mind since you and eren became public. but he knows, he knows, that could change if he could talk to you. eren notices too, which is why he never leaves your side. because not only was jean trying to get you, suddenly random guys wanted you too. you're blissfully unaware of it all, attention solely focused on eren.

"i just need to talk to her and everything will be fine." jean concluded. connie nodded aimlessly and bit into his sandwich. sasha made a small "mmhm" noise as she bit into her burger. jean eyed his friends carefully. "you guys don't think it'll work?"

"jean," connie said with a huff. "you seriously need to get over (y/n). she's moved on! she's happy, finally happy!"

"yeah but-"

"dude no!" connie shouted, slamming his hands against the table. "i'm not about to let you sit here and ruin the best thing that's happened to (y/n)! you may not like eren, but she does and as her friend, i'm not letting you take that away from her." jean was stunned. connie was usually always taking jean's side. and sasha....he looked at sasha but the usually talkative girl was silent, unable to meet jean's gaze.

"eren makes (y/n) happy," sasha said firmly. "and she's our friend so..." jean saw the determined look in her face and the rage in her eyes. "so we'll do out best to make sure she's happy!"

"so what about me?" jean asked, feeling his body swirl up with anger, betrayal, sadness. "are we not friends?" connie rolled his eyes and got up to throw his garbage away.

"i'm not about to sit here and explain it to you man. let's go sasha." jean watched his two best friends walk away, leaving him alone. he was suddenly reminded of the way mikasa walked away from him. connie and sasha had tried to cheer him up and make him feel better, but he was stubborn. he only wanted you and completely shoved his other friends aside because he thought that you would come back and bring him up again like you always did. he sighed and started to walk back to the dorms. he was halfway there when he noticed eren sitting outside, no doubt waiting for you to get out of class. his mind begged him to not go over, but his emotions got the better of him. he stormed over and loomed like a dark cloud over eren. this was the guy that you loved? that all his friends defended? the guy that was fucking up the dynamic of the friend group?

"do you need something?" eren asked without looking up from his phone. the calmness in eren's voice pissed jean off something fierce.

"you think you're such a good guy huh? stealing my friends and making (y/n) hate me." eren looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. "because of you, everyone thinks I'm the bad guy."

"dude you are and apparently you're severely delusional on top of it." jean scoffed. "but I know the real reason you're pissed," eren stepped up close to the man, cyan eyes boring into jean's brown ones. "you're pissed at me cause now you're no longer the top guy in the friend group. your friends-"

"my best friends."

"your friends are rightfully upset with you. I mean I would be too, you haven't asked about sasha's boyfriend or helped connie raise his grades because you're so focused on getting (y/n) back even though she. doesn't. want. you."

"i love (y/n). more than you ever will." jean said. eren chuckled to keep his emotions in check. he knew he shouldn't engage jean's pathetic attempts to piss him off, but he wasn't about to just take that. he stared jean down, his ego boosted slightly at him being slightly taller than jean.

"no you don't. you just loved the attention she gave you. you loved having someone comfort you and take care of you without having to put in any effort. you were a shitty friend to her and there's no doubt in my mind that you'd make an even shittier boyfriend."

"the fuck would you know about me being a shitty friend?" jean shouted, hands clenched into fist.

"dude everything!" eren shouted, shoving jean away from him. "you want me to remind you about the time you missed (y/n)'s birthday party so you could hook up with some girl you met online? or how about the time (y/n) planned a whole celebration dinner when you got accepted here, only for you to bail cause you had a date? or maybe it was the months and months of you straight up ignoring her for mikasa?" jean's eyes widened, but eren wasn't done. his anger was overflowing inside of him and he was going to let it all out.

"you're actually a moron if you think you "love" her. you had to have known she had a crush on you and instead of actually being a good fucking friend, you just string her along and use her emotions to your advantage. you didn't notice she was gone that entire time and you sure as fuck didn't care." jean's mouth opened to speak, but he closed it. "then, when your friend admits her feelings for you, you YELL at her. you tell her that you'd never feel any sort of romantic feelings for her and then just drop your friendship. and now suddenly, after you get rightfully dumped, you come crawling back spouting some crappy “i love you’s” and then ignore all of your other friends to chase down a person who doesn't want to have anything to do with you. does that seem like something a good friend would do?"

jean's eyes widened in shock. "how...how the hell do you know-"

"she got tired of you pushing her aside and came to me after you blew her off for mikasa for the billionth time. I was the one that told her to tell you how she feels because I saw how bad it was hurting her," this time eren stepped up to jean. sadness and fear swam in his eyes. "I have been the one comforting her and I have been the one to make her feel like she's worthy of love after you broke her heart. And if you think I'm gonna let you waltz in and break her heart again, then you're even more delusional than I thought." eren let his words wash over jean before sitting back down. he felt good, great even. he had finally let out all of his anger towards the man and now here he was. staring at eren with such a pathetic broken face. he loved you? you weren't the one who ended a multiple year long friendship for a relationship that didn't last in the end. you were just supposed to forget how he ignored you for months? How he yelled that he would never see you in a romantic way, and then proceeds to tell you that he's always loved you after his girlfriend broke up with him? Fuck Jean Kirstien.

eren watched as the door to the classroom opened and you walked out, eyes searching for someone and lighting up when you noticed eren. you started to rush over, but jean noticed your pace slow when you noticed him standing there. "hey 'ren...jean." jean's heart skipped a beat as your gaze met his. in the light of the afternoon sun, your eyes shone with a warmth that jean hadn't felt in a long time. were your eyes always this beautiful? "oh eren, Zeke texted me. he wanted to talk to you but you weren't answering your phone."

"why is Zeke texting you? hell how'd he even get your number?" eren grumbled as he fished his phone out of his pocket. you laughed and rested your head on eren's shoulder, giving your boyfriend a kiss on the cheek before plopping down on his lap. jean's eyes glided down the shape of your legs in the skirt you were wearing, jealousy coursing through him as eren's fingers skimmed against the soft skin.

"we've talked. remember you posted that picture of us on our date last week? he reached out and messaged me." jean looekd away as eren pinched your cheek affectionately. your eyes glanced all around as if you were unsure, before finally meeting jean's. he was stunned to say the least. has your skin always looked this soft? was your smile always that heart stopping? had your laugh always sounded that beautiful?

"is there a reason you're talking to eren?" even though the tone of your voice had shifted jean was overcome with how calm it sounded. unaware to jean however, you were fighting to keep your emotions in check. the two of you hadn't spoken, hadn't been this close since the fight. since jean denounced you as a friend. you took the time to strengthen your other friendships, new and old. ymir and historia welcomed you with open arms and friendly smiles. connie and sasha were hesitant on continuing a friendship with jean which you understood. the four of you had always been close and for a wedge that big to divide you all had severely messed up everything. they tried to cheer up jean after his breakup and you wanted to be there for him, truly you did. but everytime you went to unblock his number, his sharp and painful words pierced your thoughts. you couldn't imagine bringing someone like that back into your life. someone that was capable of bringing you to tears with a few harsh words. someone that knew your fears and insecurities and could twist them into insults.

"i...was...i-i just wanted to talk to you.." jean stammered, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. "i...i missed talking to you..." hearing jean stammer used to make your heart flutter. you used to get so giddy at being able to make him flustered, at seeing the way his cheeks would be dusted with the prettiest shade of red. now, it only made you upset.

"you missed me," you deadpanned. you watched jean's eyes widened and he swallowed hard. "yet..you were the one who didn't wanna be friends anymore.."

"(y/n)-"

"i guess i'm just confused," you continued, resting your cheek in your palm. "you ignore me for months, yell at me for finally admitting the feelings i've kept bottled inside for about 2 years, end our friendship and then when you get broken up with, you come crawling back to me for sympathy. not because you actually miss me, no, its cause you knew that i'd make you feel better. that i'd waste no time in bringing you up while hurting myself in the process, am I right?" your gaze never left his and jean squirmed. you wanted jean to know just how much this entire situation had hurt you. eren meanwhile, was filled with pride. he couldn't fight the smirk on his face as he watched jean struggle to think of something to say. he was absolutely over the moon seeing you stand up to jean. maybe this would be the wake up call he needed. shit he wished he had popcorn!

"(Y/N)-"

"am I right Jean?"

"ok maybe but-"

"tell me something," you said, resting your chin in your hands. "if you and mikasa were still together right now, would you be doing this?" you stared at him with rage in your eyes. you knew the answer, you just wanted to hear him say it for yourself. because a part of you, a stupidly naive part of you, wanted to hear him say yes. to hear him beg and plead for your forgiveness and that he would do anything to repair the broken friendship he screwed up. "would you be this desperate to get my friendship back if you were still with her?" you searched jean's face waiting for an answer, for an answer he had but wouldn't say.

eren knew the answer, which made him take both your hands in his and kiss your temple.

you knew the answer, which is why you gripped eren's hands and bit the inside of your cheek to keep from crying.

and jean, as much as he wanted to lie, knew the answer. which is why he didn't stop the salty tears from falling down his cheeks. he didn't apologize as you and eren got up, he didn't try to reach out to you as you walked past. the ache in his heart spread to his body as he walked almost robotically to his dorm.

it was only in the silence of his room and in the darkness of the shadows, that jean let himself sob.

chaos says: this is the end! its honestly really bittersweet to have this story that's gotten so much love and praise end, but if you guys want, I'd be up for making a lil "where are they now?" type of prologue! but seriously thank you guys so much for sticking by this story and I hope it was worth the wait. Stay safe and happy holidays!💖💕

#attack on titan #aot #eren jeager #eren jeager x reader #jean kirstein x reader #jean kirstein #attack on titan x reader #aot x reader

[lowlyroach]

500) Ghost

I wanted to do something for this one

Half of a thousand

And I bet most still have some relation to you

I was going to go through them all

And count

But, instead

I'll write about Today.

Today is robotic again

Callous

I feel I am losing sympathy

Empathy evading me

It's not unfamiliar

I was like this for a long time

I just don't have capacity for care

Outwardly, at least

Is it disassociation?

Am I halfway up in the ceiling

Defense mechanism for pain

Exhaustion hangs like a curtain over my eyes

All I want to do is sleep until I've died

What do I say, except

It's whatever.

It doesn't matter.

You haven't been around for a while

A month since I've seen you

I want to believe it wasn't your desire

Or intention

To just, leave

To ghost me without a word

You said you'd be around

That you chase by not ever truly leaving

Then where did you go?

Remember when you told me

You don't mind fighting for me?

That if I tried to run

You wouldn't let me?

That I can talk to you about anything?

That you'd be right there when I was ready

You listened to me pee, after all

You said you loved me.

I never responded that day.

When I ran, you let me

But I was always watching you

Visiting the mall

And checking in

I was always there to make sure you were

Doing alright

i was just afraid of you leaving again

Are you leaving, again, bug?

A photo of your back

I'm always looking at your back.

I don't have enough photos of you

I'm always watching everyone walk away

When I fight it's not enough

It's too late

Nothing changes

An agoraphobic best friend who

Never came back

And is he dead?

And another who

Left both of us for other friends

And it's tough thinking about always leaving

Always leaving

Do I have abandonment issues?

Where did these come from?

Or is this just something new

Born from this thorny pain

It comes to cruel realizations of

Watching people leave

And when I reach out

They don't come back

I didn't really mind letting anyone else go

Except you.

I'm worried about you

I want to know if you're okay

If something happened

Who can I talk to?

Nobody knows I've still been

Talking to you

if they did you might be ruined, so

What am I meant to do?

A sign that you're alright

Just tell me you don't want to talk to me

Say anything

Say anything

Tell me that you've been hiding

That you're leaving

That I'm just not good for you

That you hate that

I'm just not good for me

Just tell me something

I'm worried

I'm so worried about you

Do I try to reach out to your best friend

To call the restaurant you work at

Did you work there, today?

Or the tattoo shop?

Do I just do nothing

But sit and wait?

Are you still here, somewhere

Hiding?

it's not like you have a blog where you post

All the poetry of what you feel

How inconvenient that is.

I don't know if I can afford to hope

That you aren't just leaving

That I can afford that awful curse of

Hope

That I can raise my standards

That you're not

Gone, without a trace

And I don't want to step on your toes

On your life, again

But you left me without an orbit

Silence, and the star is swallowed

And I beg and I hear nothing

So where did you go, Ghost?

Oh, there's the emotions again

Let me reel those in

Just cry and let it out

Let it out.

Let it out.

A girl slapped me at work today

When I asked her to

It reminded me of you

And the butterflies came alive again

Thinking about your hand on my face

She asked if I liked to be praised

Or degradated more

Which kink do I prefer?

I like them both but

Maybe degradation

I am a bit masochistic, after all

Maybe

I don't need love

Just hit me

I don't need you to love me

Just hit me

Just hit me

Then call me pretty

Don't leave me alone

For so long I've been searching

For something that felt like a home

Without the threat of pencil graphite

Still stuck in my shoulder

It's been 15 years since my brother

Jumped off the stage

Just to slam the pencil into me

And I still see it there as a reminder

Of his cruelty

And a home without

The cops getting called to pull mom

To a prison cell

After drinking and almost

Crushing her child's feet beneath

The kitchen island

And a home where

When I walked down the street and called

My friends

They wouldn't tell me that

'It's not a good time, right now'

When I needed help

The night when I earned this ugly knuckle

On my right hand

And I'm sorry I never responded

And I'm sorry I'm so much

And I'm sorry I'm not enough

And I'm always so sorry

I just really want to talk to you again

One tear is all I have in me, today

And a face contorted with pain

Looks like I'll remain robotic

As long as I don't look at the man in the mirror

Sorry, I'm not eating enough

And the number on the scale keeps dropping

And I had a dream I was so scrawny

But hey, I had a six-pack, still

Today, I was so hungry it hurt

So I ate and now I'm full

But the number will probably still drop tomorrow

The scabs on my hands are almost healed

After I rubbed them raw on that metal fence

I've been picking at them, still

They bleed, a little longer

And you haven't touched the playlist recently

And are you erasing me?

Are you going to tell me to have a happy birthday?

Are you going to say anything?

We were supposed to go see a movie

And I just don't know how to check in on you

I hope you're well

I hope you're doing well

Because I'm trying to come to terms with the fact

That I will be afraid forever

And that I will never have another star in orbit

And I will have to get by on this ugly love

And that life is just

Losing

And that you won't be coming back

You made me feel like the

Best version of me

Isn't that what I was supposed to be?

To look for?

Isn't that why you choose to love someone?

That they bring out the best in you?

That they compliment and complete you?

Two halves torn and I'm back to

My old self, again

I miss you, Bug

I miss you, Love

I miss you, Queen

I miss you, Electricity

I miss you, Starlight

I miss you, Moon

I miss you, One Whose Beauty Transcends The Universe

I miss you, Lovebug

I miss you,

Ghost

Despite all these names

I could never call you, Mine

Come back again, sometime

I hope he brings out the best in you.

I hope you're alright.

I really hope you're doing just fine.

#writing #poetry #poem #spilled ink #poeticstories #twcpoetry #eh bad this is too many different poems in one maybe

[spookykestrel]

i knew you in the summer baking in the June sun and smiling brighter than it ever could. freckles popped up all over your face, faster than the dandelions on the lawn and just as pretty. you would laugh like the babbling brook you share your name with and we'd sneak cold treats from inside and race barefoot in the grass, building a world only children could.

i knew you in the winter bundled in heavy coats thicker than the arctic animals we mimicked in the snow. we lost our color, and although they dimmed, freckles still peppered your face, Illuminating your wild spirit. Hot chocolate and movies filled our time, and we'd tell stories with lore to rival Tolkien. the days were short and cold and harsh but our devotion to each other was stronger than the fiercest winter wind.

i knew you in the night when darkness cloaked our fears and we spoke our minds freely. we'd lie close, hidden under blankets sharing our worries, our passions, our dreams. we'd be the only two people awake in the town. i'd stare close at your face, searching for bright eyes and freckles as you told me things you'd never speak again, and i'd bottle them up in little jars stored away in my heart.

i don't know you now. somehow i lost my grip on your hand and slowly spun from orbit. now when i think of summer the colors are bolder than they ever could have been and your laugh is the sweetest sound i've heard. i still carry your secrets with me, but your freckles have long faded. i wonder if you saw me again, would you still recognize the girl you once knew?

heyyyyy gamers,,,So I wrote this poem thing literally at like 2 in the morning, so don't mind the clunkiness.

My childhood best friend is starting college and it's just constantly been on my mind. I'm pretty good at keeping up with friends (my long distance friendship from 5th grade is still going strong) but I somehow started growing apart from my longtime bestie. It's so weird to realize someone who used to be the highlight of your life is no longer in it. It's so weird to have someone you used to know better than yourself now feel like a stranger in your home. I can remember sitting on her swingset and planning our future weddings and vowing to be the others maid of honor. That's unrealistic for most people, but it's still painful to see a relationship that once meant so much now mean virtually nothing. we used to be so close and I hate watching this friendship fade and feeling like there's nothing I can do to save it.

I've always thought it was weird how most friendships don't end with a definitive breakup like a romance would. There's no "i think we should stop hanging out" or "it's not you it's me," it's just seeing daily texts become weekly and then monthly, and then only talking on birthdays and special occasions. There's no closure there's no ending. One day it's there and then you look and you haven't seen each other in months.

No idea what this is, just a ramble of my normal emotions and expereinces lots of people go through, don't mind me

#kestrel calls #text post #poetry #words #will I delete this later ?! #maybe :)

[silviatheorbit]

Loossemble Album Review

And it's finally out! The album as a whole is a 9/10.

Track 1: Intro: Searching for their Friends 7/10

The beginning was so dramatic and I loved it! It incorporated a lot of elements of the "loona sound" and sounded distinctly familiar. They really did a good job of making it sound familiar while also being fresh.

Track 2 (title track): Sensitive 8/10

The chorus has been stuck on my head for days now lol. The whole song is really catchy and the girls absolutely slayed the high notes. I'm so glad that the members of loona with the usually most minor lines got to show more of what they could do! I will say, that the 2nd verse isn't my favorite, it doesn't have any natural rhythm and I think it's that trend these days in K-pop of "talk-rapping". Besides that, I loved every other part of the song. It definitely deserved being the title track.

Track 3: Real World 7/10

The beginning definitely threw me off because the vibes changed so fast. But I definitely liked this song, I do think it could have been better if the chorus was just as explosive as the rest of the song. The chorus is currently my least favorite part. Also, it sounds like a Red Velvet song for some reason? I can't point out why. Anyway, it was a solid track but could have been better.

Track 4: Colouring 9/10

This song definitely gives loona vibes, and I love it. It sounds like it could be on the XX album along with Colors. It's a chill song with a good melody and overall a really good track. Nothing much more to say, there's nothing about this song I would change.

Track 5: Newtopia 10/10

You don't understand how much I love this song. It really embodies its title, sounding fresh and new without being in-your-face bright like Real World (the only way I can explain it lol). It just gives me a boost of serotonin every time I hear it. If happiness and contentness could be personified into a song, it would be this one. The instrumental in the bridge is just *chef's kiss*! It's super catchy too, and honestly could have been the title track if Sensitive wasn't so good.

Track 6: Strawberry Soda 1,000,0000/10

This is the best song of the album for me. It's super catchy, has a relaxing vibe, a beautiful instrumental, and amazing lyrics (courtesy of Yves!). It really reminds me of Love Me Like by Odd Eye Circle (it's almost like they were from the same group....ok I'll shut up now). Love Me Like was also my favorite track from OEC's album, so I think I just like songs like Strawberry Soda. I'd also like to call attention to the lyrics of the chorus which are really sweet:

That moment we'll dive into the bright red sky The magic starts, as for mood, feel so high It spreads sweeter, sometimes sour Don't know what it is, but Like strawberry soda It's time to dream, alright?

Track 7: Day By Day 10/10

I was taken off guard because strawberry soda came before this and the vibes are totally different. But this song is so good. I tend to find emotional songs boring, but not this one. Adding the rock elements made it so interesting, also knowing Hyunjin wrote the song's lyrics. It just adds that extra layer. This was a really good song to end the album with. Also, may I mention Hyeju's high note???? Those "who's gonna sing" people are going to have a fit after listening to that. I even heard some "orbits" joke about Loossemble asking Chuu for help recording songs. Honestly, those people are so annoying. Anyway, this song definitely passed with flying colors on making me cry. Even more when I watched them perform it on their tour.

Just remember that Hyunjin wrote these lyrics:

Believe, I believe forever We will be one

And on that note, have a great day! Stan Loossemble!

#loona #loossemble #hyeju #gowon #yeojin #kim hyunjin #hyunjin #odd eye circle #sensitive #music #kpop #song review #album review

[jordyn-degas]

What if?

characters: Sasuke Uchiha x fem!reader;

additional: Naruto Uzumaki x fem! reader; Sakura Haruno; Orochimaru, Sai, Yamato, Boruto Uzumaki and Himawari Uzumaki have a brief appereance; mention of Kakashi Hatake;

warnings: afab!reader - fem!reader; characters age range vary from children to adults; fluff; angst; emotions all over; mentions of: nudity, subtly implied intercourse, blood and death.

notes: SFW; i'm extremely in my feels today- this song ALWAYS breaks me no matter what - i actually cried throughout writing this, don't ask me why - especially the end - my emotions are all over the place 😊

word count: 4.074 - i'm sorry - my feels got me carried away

taglist: @haikyutiehoe - thank you for being my first ask and requesting to be tagged in this 😭 - hope you like it 🤐

Mood 🎧 LUKAS GRAHAM - 7 years

"It was a big big world, but we thought we were bigger Pushing each other to the limits, we were learning quicker" - "Something about the glory, just always seemed to bore me 'Cause only those I really love will ever really know me"

There was not a single second of his mere, bitter life in which he did not love you.

Not even when you were children and the spark in your eyes lit up when Naruto was making one of his stupid jokes, intoxicating laugh boosting his ego. Or when you two sparred with chopsticks over the bowls of ramen over at Ichiraku's. Sasuke believed to be completely incapable of maintaining a conversation with you for more than a minute. You were pulled into Naruto's boisterous orbit while he stood behind watching and waiting. He could only hope that one day your eyes will lit up for him the way they did for the Nine-Tailed Fox boy. Watching from the rooftops how you would playfully wrap your arm around Shikamaru's, your childhood best friend, placing a quick peck on his cheek that had the boy flustered beyond reality.

That is how he found himself plagued by a simple question: What if?

⋯ ⋯

Not even when the Kusanagi was aimed at your throat, trying to cut the only bond strong enough to pull him back, Sasuke did not stop loving you. It was absolutely abysmal how small droplets of blood trickled down your neck, not a single tear staining your beautiful, smooth skin, vividly remembering those piercing eyes flash with determination.

When he left to find Orochimaru was the day when he also found out that your heart ached for him. Not for Naruto. Not for Shikamaru. Not for other stupid boys he deemed unworthy of your attention. It has always been him. Arms wrapped around him, your head resting into the crook of his neck, pleading. YOU pleaded for HIM to stay.

That is the first time Sasuke believed he had failed you. He was never going to be able to fulfill your wishes, to offer you the life you truly deserved.

The question still stood: What if?

You loved him with such fervor it was astonishing. If he could ever touch your love, the skin would scorch as if trying to get closer to the sun. “Come home.” your sweet, pleading voice tickled his dark heart, the faint broken tonality causing ripples in his soul. “Come back to me.” Those were the words that had his soul snap violently, tiny cracks breaking the hardened surface. You were the only person capable of reaching him so painfully deep. Naruto could not raise his gaze from the ground because he knew, he knew Sasuke will never be able to come home until the dust settles. Sakura finally realizing, right there and then, that he will never be hers because you were his lifeline. Even Sai that had the emotional range of one of Orochimaru’s snakes could feel the agony. Yamato stood behind you, ready to protect your life no matter how much it hurt. “I can’t.” Sasuke replied coldly, harshly, full of hate, playing the well rehearsed act of not caring. “Not until it’s done.” His heart was booming into the ears, waves of pain washing over him as the famous Uchiha dark gaze traced your powerful form. God, you were a gorgeous girl! The way you held yourself, the slightly raised chin in defiance, the ability to look more like an Uchiha than he did. “Take me with you.” your beautiful voice cracked. “I can’t do this without you.” The next thing Sasuke witnessed, in all its glory, was your palm wrapping around the sharp blade of the Kusanagi, instantly rupturing your skin, blood flowing along its sharpness. Shock flashing on everyone’s faces as you stood there, imposing, intimidating, tightening your grip on the blade. “Kill me.” you spoke, oh, so softly it had his soul hum at the sound. “If that is what is keeping you back, I will accept it wholeheartedly. If that helps you to come back home, I will happily oblige.” Sasuke wanted nothing more than to drop the sword and pull your body into his arms, to hold you tight and bind yourselves to a promise. He wanted to play with your hair, twirl the strands in between his fingers, to pinch your full cheeks and annoy the life out of you before letting out the laugh that joins in his dreams. Sasuke realized that he had never had the chance to kiss you, leaving when too young only to find each other again now. The way you stood before him now, the way your power was making itself known had him weak in the knees, wanting to capture your puffy lips into a deep kiss and never let go. “Not now.” Orochimaru spoke dryly, appearing out of thin air and pushing away the blade from your throat as your hand finally released it. Sasuke knew Orochimaru was not incompetent as he knew quite well that his beloved vessel would never be capable of killing the truest love he had ever felt since the grim end of his family.

Slowly vanishing into an illusion of fire, the last image Sasuke had of you was knees hitting the ground roughly as the tears finally escaped those eyes that never left his mind.

That day he broke and failed you for the second time. He once again knew that he was never going to be able to fulfill your wishes, to offer you the life you truly deserved.

Yet again, the question that started all creeped in: What if?

⋯ ⋯

The first time Sasuke dared to kiss you was during the war and its heat of battle, an entire world too preoccupied to care of two teenagers silently accepting each other. Despite the skills he had developed along the years, Sasuke's all too perfect Sharingan proved to be a worthy opponent for Uchiha Madara and his acolyte, Obito Uchiha, yet it was not enough to protect him completely. "Y/N!" Naruto's scream ruptured from his lungs. Sasuke's head snapped violently towards the direction from which the voice came only to be met by your wide smile, lips shut and a rather disturbing peace engulfing the gaze set on him. Arms raised to the sides, knees slightly bent and trembling as blood was trickling slowly from the corners of your mouth. Dread. Complete and utter dread washed over Sasuke, life draining from his pale cheeks as you let out a chuckle. "I remember asking you to kill me a while ago." you said swallowing thick gulps of blood. "I'm glad you didn't. Who would've protected you now?" When the knees caved under you, his arms caught your body in an instant, Sasuke's eyes glancing at your back to see it riddled with multiple small, black rods, too many to count, embedded deeply into the flesh as some were halfway in, drenched in a Chakra that started to dissipate as they hit their target. You could have avoided this. You were not a simple Kunoichi that lacked the skills or the talent to dance between the deadly weapons. There was a choice to make to either let him be hit or protect him. You once again discarded your life for his, a memory of scrambled words pleading for him to kill you reemerging. "Why do you always have to be so annoying?" Sasuke hissed cupping your cheeks, thumbs wiping off the blood from the corners of your mouth.

"Is there any other way?" you asked, eyes half-lidded, pushing painfully a small smile. With complete disregard to bodies dropping dead around you, to the screams of Shinobi fighting, to Kurama's roar as Naruto protected you both, to Sakura finally reaching you, placing her arms on top of your back to heal you after removing each rod, Sasuke finally brought himself to do what he has always wished to. His lips captured your bloody ones, squeezing softly the flesh of your cheeks as you hummed. He was never the guy to show any kind of affection or emotion, to display it so publicly without shame, to let himself go in such dire situation. However, the fear of not knowing if tomorrow you will still be here crippled the most closed off boy this world has ever seen. God, he loved you so much it hurt. Searing pain twisting his heart in motions he never thought existed. "Sasuke .." Sakura whispered and he pulled back, jaw clenched with rage. "Leave Y/N to me, please."

"You owe me, Uchiha." your hoarse voice barely able to keep up its usual volume. "I saved your life. One day you'll have to save mine."

"Don't die." Sasuke said removing his hands from your face as Sakura's arm wrapped around your torso to hold you steady in the process. "Then I can pay my debt and save your annoying ass." As soon as the last two words rolled off his lips, Sasuke bent slightly, bringing his index and middle finger in front of your forehead before tapping them playfully against it just as his brothers used to. The last soft laugh you gave was met with immediate fainting, body resting into Sakura's arm as she healed you with the other. Your best friend's sadness was crippling because of the deep injuries you were possessing and he decided to throw himself into the battle, to have his mind not focusing on the thought of you dying.

When war broke, he swore to protect you even in exchange of his exhausting life. That day he failed you for the third time.

If you were ever going to wake up, to smile again, he would still plague himself with the question of What if?

⋯ ⋯

Tracing the few scars that could not be fully healed, Sasuke remembering each and every rod that caused them, even after three years since the war has ended. The warmth of your skin wrapped around the coldness of his fingers, a deep sigh leaving you at the touch. Both of your naked bodies were tangled into the sheets, limbs wrapped around each other as only slow, calm breathing could be heard.

⋯ ⋯

After the war, after choosing to not have his arm restored to always be reminded of his sins, a way of penance he deemed to be this particular choice, Sasuke left the Hidden Leaf to see how the Shinobi world will recover with his own eyes, to travel and reflect over the mistakes he made, to protect the village in his own way. He left without saying a word to you, silence filling the room as you both had nothing left to say. You hated it, you hated him for abandoning a promising life, you got tired of constantly begging for the love he had but never accepting it fully, so you stayed silent. Back turned, the door opened, Sasuke's steps leaving the wooden floor of your house for the last time. After a year and a half since his departure, he crossed paths with his best friend, leaves shuffling under their feet as they stood into the woods on a hidden path. Naruto was on his way back to the village as Sasuke used it for a detour towards another travel. That is how he found out you were finally happy. Naruto explained how, after he left, Kakashi as the Hokage accepted your choice of forsaking the life of one of the greatest Kunoichi and turned to be a simple teacher at the Academy. Mornings with the children, lunch at Ichiraku's with Naruto, dinner with Sakura and Ino, evenings playing Shogi with Shikamaru. You laughed again, eyes no longer red from crying constantly, dark circles under them long gone from the sleepless nights, finally accepting the help of your friends. Sasuke absorbed each and every word, tucking them into the deep corners of his heart as it brought him joy. He could never offer the life you truly deserved but everyone around you could. It didn’t fall on deaf ears how Naruto spoke of you, gaze not averting his, glossy eyes and blushed smile. Sasuke realized that his best friend was the real reason of you standing up and walking again on your own. He wanted to tremble with anger, to let himself be consumed by rage and scream in pain at Naruto. However, Sasuke could not. The man standing in front of him was capable of offering you exactly what he couldn't and it settled calmly into his troubled soul. If there was someone in this world he trusted more than anyone, it was Naruto. He was the only one he would entrust your heart to. "Does she feel the same?" Sasuke asked leaning against a tree.

"I don't know." Naruto replied doing the exact same, both face to face covered by the shadows of the trees.

"She should." Sasuke said studying his surprised expression.

"Sasuke, that girl loved you since I can remember." Naruto followed a bit taken back by his friend's words.

"That does not mean Y/N cannot love another." Sasuke replied with a small smile. "I have entrusted her to you the moment I left the village and you did not disappoint." Naruto's eyebrows shot up in surprise as he could not imagine for the life of him, no matter his feelings for you, to take away his best friend's only true love. He was probably the only person that knew Sasuke will never return fully to the village as there was simply too much torment in his heart. "I am entrusting you with Y/N's heart." Sasuke said pushing himself off the tree. "Do not fail me, Naruto."

⋯ ⋯

Another year and a half passed since that conversation and it marked the present situation in which you and Sasuke found each other for the past two days. Nothing but naked bodies, consuming each other to the point of exhaustion, soft touches following, sweet nothings being whispered under the safety of this roof. After three years in which you had learned and managed to build a life without the love of your life, to finally grasp the true meaning of happiness and be capable of feeling love again, you left the village. A month of searching, mind focused only on a simple goal, you finally found Sasuke tucked away into a small room in one of the hot springs at the border between the Country of Fire and Country of Rain. You knocked on the door, took a deep breath and listened to his bare feet slapping against the wooden floor. Sasuke's eyebrows shot up in surprise seeing you standing in front of him, civilian clothes without even the smallest smile. Your eyes were stormy, something brewing into them. Without any warning, your body wrapped around his as lips latched onto each other, hunger and fervor overcoming you both instantly. Sasuke did nothing else but to kick the door shut before taking you all in, drinking in your presence, senses sinking into the scent that always graced his dreams.

Two days later when there was all said and done, he could not bring himself to let you go. You felt so good against him, the comfort of your voice and smile gave Sasuke a taste of how it could've been: the way your lips were capable of breathing life into him, the way your skin against his unraveled every secret he has ever had, the way your eyes captured his heart ever single time he looked at you. "I know what you are about to say." you said quietly, fingers tracing circles on his abdomen. "And it is alright."

"You fell in love with him." Sasuke said placing a small kiss on your forehead. Both of you knew that this had to happen at some point, to wrap the entire story in a beautiful bow of closure. You had to have him, to feel everything he has denied you of all these years. Sasuke had to have you, to feel everything he has denied himself of all these years. You both knew that no matter how much you ended up loving Naruto, the man capable of breathing life back into you, the love that brewed for Sasuke will never go away. Both bound at a soul level, something no one would ever be able to replicate, steal or create.

Pushing yourself up, palms resting on his chest, noses brushing slightly, a small smile captured your lips, one Sasuke has not witnessed before. It was new, refreshing, full of hope and it warmed up his heart. "I'm marrying him." you said not losing the smile, the one that brought a newfound peace in your eyes.

"Good." Sasuke replied reciprocating the smile, able to recognize that you have both finally reached the end of the road. "You deserve the life Naruto has to offer, you deserve the happiness, you deserve a family and you deserve him." He watched how your gaze searched for any bit of dishonesty on his face but Sasuke knew you would not find any. Pain? Probably more than he would care to admit. Regret? Surely. The mistakes he made were many and this was the biggest one: the incapability of healing himself and becoming the man you deserved. With all of that, he was truly happy that the woman he loved beyond any reason one could ever comprehend was finally happy.

Leaning in, Sasuke captured your lips into a soft, calming kiss that reassured you, that erased your worries, that healed that part of you which knew you will never have a life, a family with him. And it was finally and undeniably alright. "One last time?" you asked as a spark of sadness briefly flashed into your eyes.

"One last time." Sasuke replied with a soft smile. As he pulled you into another passionate kiss, body settling under him, fingers intertwined above your head, both knowing that this was going to be the last act of your love. "I love you." you whispered against his lips.

"I love you too." he whispered back completely lost into you. Two hearts started racing in perfect sync and rhythm as never before for one last time. Two souls speaking the same language for one last time and asking each other: What if?

⋯ ⋯

Leaves turned brown, trees shedding their clothes, snowflakes followed coating the world in a white cloak before the sun could emerge, reviving the earth from its Winter slumber, flowers springing, spreading their perfume, waking up senses and bringing smiles on children's faces. That is how the years have passed, life settling in comfortably with you grading the papers of your beloved students and your husband peeking relentlessly from behind as he frowned constantly. "I bet you don't understand half of it." you chuckled knowing how much Naruto used to love school.

"I'll forgive you for this." Naruto laughed before placing one of his loving kisses on top of your head. "I understand everything, surprisingly."

"Then why are you hovering?" you frowned turning to face him with a pout.

"Because it's almost time." Naruto sighed pinching the bridge of his nose. "You do this every single year. How can you still forget?"

"I don't." you jumped pushing your finger into his chest, voice laced with a threatening tone that was more bark than bite. "This time the papers took longer than expected."

"Come on, love." Naruto smiled stealing a kiss from you. "This is YOUR day, the one you can never miss." Pulling back from his embrace, your eyes bore into the bright blue ones that always brought nothing but pure love and happiness to you as he managed to make you the happiest woman in the world. "Naruto?" you asked swallowing hard.

"Hm?" he nudged your nose with his softly.

"Thank you." you replied capturing his lips into a deep kiss.

"Anything for you." he said smiling into the kiss. "I might've healed your heart but your soul will always need the extra help." Naruto wrapped his arms around you, your head landing on his chest and you felt thankful, grateful. This man, this absolutely gorgeous and loving man was your man, yours only, your husband that saved your heart, breathed life back into you and gave you the most beautiful family anyone could ask for.

But .. he was right. Your soul will never be whole, that small, yet deep crack remaining as some kind of a battle scar because it was exactly it: the result of a battle between your heart and soul.

⋯ ⋯

Every year, on this particular date, it was the exact same without a single change. You would walk on the old training ground where Kakashi was always so determined to knock some sense into all of you, laying the multicolored blanket Sakura bought, knowing how much you loved reading in nature, under one of the trees, the shadow of its leaves protecting your skin from the sun before lazily opening the book you were reading in that particular week. It was such a bitter-sweet moment knowing what it actually meant.

In the same tree under which you spent your day, Sasuke would sit patiently on one of the branches above you, hidden by the crown of leaves for the children to not see. "Boruto!" your snappy voice, which had Sasuke always laughing quietly, resounded into the open space of the training ground. "Can you please stop trying to tie Himawari to that log? There will be plenty of time for that. Ask your father."

"But mom!" Boruto would whine.

"No buts." you instructed. "Play nicely." Boruto huffed and puffed before picking up Himawari to soothe away the sadness of him trying to tie her to the log by placing small kisses on her plump cheeks.

A melancholic smile curved Sasuke's lips, remembering quite well what it was like to be instructed by you, always having a certain way of keeping everyone on their toes. He took in the happiness radiating from you when watching your children, how your nose crinkled when Boruto was being annoying, how you hummed with care and love every single time Himawari kissed your cheeks, how you bit on your lower lip when the plot of the book became too intense.

God, he loved you.

Sasuke was happy. You became exactly the woman he always thought you will be, built the life you deserved, had the family you always wished for. Even if it had absolutely nothing to do with him, simply knowing you were happy and loved was more than enough.

Years ago, he entrusted Naruto with your heart and he still considered it to be the best decision he has ever made. Even without the closeness of your body to his, even without the passionate kisses full of love, even without you smiling because of him, YOU were undeniably happy.

Sasuke owed you from when you saved his life in the war - he had to save your own when the time comes. Now, the debt was paid as he proudly accepted that he saved your life.

Shuffling slightly, your back hit the tree and Sasuke's gaze diverted from the children only to meet the warmth of your eyes. Head tilted backwards, wide smile spreading all over your face and a faint blush pinching your cheeks. Then and there he saw it, the only thing Sasuke did not lost when he chose to let you go: all the love you had for him.

God, you loved him.

The way every single year, on this particular date, you would sit under this tree and he would be there, watching from above. It was precisely the day in which you two shook hands, the only person Sasuke did this with much to the surprise of other students. It was the day your fate was sealed and every year you would meet up here on the training ground. There are no words, no touches, but simply the presence of each other, closing the deep crack in your souls for one more year.

His lips curved into a warm smile, leg bent upwards to place his elbow on it for his cheek to rest into the palm as he kept the gaze on you while the other leg casually dangled off the branch. It was still there, in his eyes, never diminishing as years passed by and you felt completely at peace: all the love he had for you.

Naruto might be the love your life.

But Sasuke? Sasuke Uchiha was your soulmate in life and beyond.

Hearts intertwined, souls bound together, eyes telling your story, a single, innocent question lingered in the air:

What if?

#thoughts a la jordyn #writing attempts #anime for life #anime love #naruto #anime x reader #anime #anime gif #sasuke x reader #sasuke uchiha #sasuke #naruto uzumaki #naruto x reader #naruto x you #sasuke uchiha x you #sasuke uchiha x y/n #uchiha clan #sasuke x y/n #sasuke x you #emotions translated into fics #anime writing blog #SFW #naruto fanfiction #team 7 #sakura haruno #anime fyp #foryou

[sj-ficrecs]

1,000+ followers fic rec!

Recently noticed at some point a little while ago I passed 1,000 followers on this page! In honor of that here’s another fic rec of some good ones I’ve been reading lately. As usual, no specific order. 

PREVIOUS FIC RECS HERE!

(Hopefully this shows up in tags bc my last one didn’t & tumblr wouldn’t fix it) 

Thanks to @whimsicalrogers for this divider I’m using below :)

Bucky x reader:

3B by @softlybarnes Bucky x reader

“Bucky is used to being alone, so is the girl living in apartment 3B. He keeps to his routine, to crossing off amends. But mutual loneliness forges an unlikely friendship. Alone and reclusive, sweet and incredibly strange, with deep secrets and regrets, 3B has more to reveal than meets the eye.”

(un)cool by @belowva rockstar!Bucky x reader

“in the summer of 1973, after covering the howling commandos’ concert for a night, you - a young and inexperienced music journalist - accidentally end up following the up and coming band from new york city across the country. between shows, parties, backstage nonsense, interviews and failed attempts at writing a cover story for rolling stone magazine, you end up developing a love/hate relationship with their brooding, but devilishly handsome, guitarist james “call me bucky” barnes. (based on “almost famous”)”

Your Song by @summergrls​  Rockstar!Bucky x reader

“it’s not summer without you. or, that’s what your favorite rockstar always says. it’s all happening.”

Last Love by @wicked-mind Modern!Bucky x reader

“Based on the quote “He may be your first love but I intend to be your last” by Klaus Mikaelson.”

Remember Me by @wicked-mind​ Modern!Bucky x reader

“Y/N and Bucky were the unlikely match when it came to love, but they were inseparable since they met. After a fight, Y/N left to be a trauma surgeon in the military and returns without her memories. How will Bucky remind Y/N how she is the fire in his bones?”

Cake by @tellmealovestory (Part of the Something More universe) Modern!Bucky x reader

“The wedding plans continue as you and Bucky try to decide on a cake flavor.”

My Eyes by @invisibleanonymousmonsters Bucky x reader, past Steve x reader

“Steve is a good man, America’s golden boy, a hero. He’s Captain America for christ’s sake! So it’s normal to want what he has… right? Bucky knows he doesn’t deserve her. He doesn’t even deserve the second chance at life he’s been given. But Bucky can never let him know. Steve can never find out that his friend is in love with his best girl.”

The Mess by @sanguineterrain​ Bucky x Avenger!reader

“A wild night in Vegas changes everything between you and Bucky. Suddenly, all eyes are on you and you’re left wondering just how much can change between you and a man whose guts you hate (and who also hates yours).”

The Devil Has Lilith by @write-orflight Bucky x reader, soulmate AU

“They say your soulmate is supposed to be the one person you love unconditionally. So why did they make yours so insufferable?”

College!Bucky series / Couldn’t Be Me by @drunken-imagines College!Bucky x reader

Bucky is a known fuck boy trying to win over reader

Best of Friends by @anna-phora Modern!Bucky x reader

“When your best friend steals marries Bucky’s best friend, the two of you are left with only one solution: to become best friends yourselves.”

Back to You by @celestialbarnes Modern!ex-Bucky x reader

“desperate to find a place to stay after your boyfriend cheated on you, you end up crashing at bucky’s apartment, the problem is he’s the ex that you never really got over and he’s got a new girl who doesn’t like you very much.”

It’s Been a Long, Long Time by @luminnara Alpha!Bucky x Omega!Reader

“When HYDRA had their prized asset, the Winter Soldier, they did something no one ever thought was possible: they gave super soldier serum to an omega. With the sole purpose of tending to him during his ruts, she spends decades living in HYDRA facilities, denied her humanity and her life. Now, years later, Bucky Barnes has his mind and his own life back…and the last thing he ever expects is to see a familiar omega again. Bucky/OC, a little angsty but mostly smutty/fluffy/romantic!“

Friends Don’t by @watchtowerindistress Bucky x reader

“Reader is in a friends-with-benefits relationship with Bucky Barnes. Rule #1: no feelings - so don’t get attached (written by Bucky). Rule #2: don’t ever stay over (written by (Y/N)). After a fateful mission, one of them is going to break all the rules.”

Just a Touch by @buckychrist Bucky x reader

“Your powers? Controlling any feeling a human can have, from emotions to pain, with a simple brush of your fingertips. Your mission? The traumatized soldier with sad stricken eyes and scream filled nightmares.”

Under Pastel Skies by @redgillan Modern!Bucky x Artist!reader

“Bucky doesn’t need anyone, especially not a sugar baby. He isn’t that desperate… but she smiles so sweetly and she’s endearingly awkward, and he’s so lonely. She’s an artist, a painter, the type of person who always puts others before herself. Throwing caution to the wind Bucky offers her a place to live, a place where she can finally paint whatever her heart desires. He doesn’t need much in return; a friend, a muse.”

A Long Ways Away by @ai-unknown Bucky x reader

“Connection, reconnection, and a small miscommunication. Bucky will travel however far, if it means making you smile.”

No Rest for the Wicked by @abovethesmokestacks Trucker!Bucky x reader

Based upon this ask: “i have the absolute weirdest urge today to get railed by trucker!bucky in a motel in like southern florida🤨 and it’s late too, maybe 3-4 am. the place is kinda seedy & it’s rlly humid and hot outside & the ac barely works so we’d both be sweating a lot but it makes it hotter”

Meanwhile in Louisiana by @multifandomwriter Bucky x reader

“You are Sam’s best friend and you meet Bucky when Sam organizes a party down at the docks.”

A Tender Heart by @river-soul Alpha!Bucky x Omega!reader

“You’ve been sweet on Bucky since you started working at the compound six months ago. Normally quiet and mild mannered, an unexpected fight with a coworker brings Bucky into your orbit.”

Steve x reader:

Jane Doe by @justkending Modern!Steve x reader

“They weren’t next door neighbors, but they did live in the same apartment complex. However, they were on completely different sides of the complex. Steve always sees her across the way doing her daily routines and way about life on her balcony from his own. Something about her has him checking in on her from across the way when he can… She’s intriguing and has a way about her life that he finds calming and captivating. He wants to know more about who she is, but there’s no non-creepy way of approaching a neighbor that doesn’t know you exist. Is there?”

#bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #modern!bucky #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #steve x reader #steve x you #steve rogers x y/n #bucky x female reader #college!bucky #rockstar!bucky #alpha!bucky #omega reader #abo #reading #fic recs #fanfic recs #fanfic recommendation #modern!steve #soulmate au

[netherworldpost]

After a lot of physical and emotional pain I've come to the conclusion that I have, in your words, "veered off the chart entirely". There really isn't a space for me, and unfortunately I've never felt any joy from discovering this, either. If anything, it makes me feel more isolated. As much as I want to take fierce angry pride in being a monster, it's difficult and lonely, and I'm tired of fighting. I guess I'm looking for some words of encouragement, if you have any. Thanks.

With the disclaimer of "I'm not a therapist and ergo a good next step would be to talk to one," it sounds like you are describing non-binary or perhaps agender. And/or if you are talking about sexuality, somewhere on the ace scale.

A few things that spark: First of all, you're not a monster. It feels more like you are someone with a need for answers and without the resources to find them.

This is a frustrating place to be. I hope I can help point you in some directions.

Without above said therapy training + sessions + etc., I can't say what you're feeling (and I would not presume to speak for you). I am comfortable saying that all human emotion and experiences exist with overlaps (some large, some tiny and some near, some far) with how other folk have lived their lives.

Most modern societies, and many modern families, and some modern friend groups, present a pretty strict set of designated options. You are BOY or GIRL. You are STRAIGHT or GAY. And some really specific clear directives: Have sex, don't have sex (etc.)

If you fit into one of these categories without friction, there is a significant chance you don't think outside the possibilities. Sometimes this causes negativity when encountering someone from outside said experience -- and in my personal experience, it creates as much (or more) casual dismissal.

I specify "casual dismissal" because, without malice, a lot of folks will encounter what you are trying to figure out and not appreciate the weight of difficulty and emotion behind it.

Because they do not deal with it, it is hard for them to understand the scope of it.

Their ability to learn the size of this difficulty greatly influences how they react to you, whom is experiencing friction, over time. Which influences how your desire (vs. various levels of need) to continue to experience life with them.

Let's move on to you.

What do you want? Literally, what are you looking to know about yourself? How do you, personally, learn and experiment and grow?

Do you want a community to chat about with the things you are going through?

Do you want a flag or a marker that you can pinpoint and say "I am not alone here" but with less community reach? Just a validation?

Do you want this to become a large, resource-intensive journey?

Do you want someone to browse journaled feelings and say "ah ha I think you should explore xyz identities?"

How are you comfortable learning and exploring? Alone, in books, in video, in chats with folk going through something similar? With experts who can help pinpoint, with folk currently processing so you can bounce ideas?

These are not mutually exclusive nor is this an exhaustive list, but I hope it gets you started.

There is nothing in the universe that is so outside human understanding that it cannot be researched.

We have orbital observation towers who are looking into the depths of space and literally seeing back in time as folk with massive brain power figuring out how all of this began.

We have therapists and authors and sexuality researchers and gender researchers and writers and artists and ceramicists and fanfic writers and bloggers and knitters and tailors who are sitting in offices and homes and coffee shops and bedrooms and libraries doing the same thing but inward. For themselves and publishing their work for others.

The bad news is you are not falling along popularly defined lines.

The good news is you are neither alone nor unknowable to the extent you wish to be known.

The best news is the price for the ticket for this knowledge is simply to exist, so your purchase price has already been paid, it's time to get your money's worth.

The bonus news is there isn't a time frame. You don't need to figure out who you are by 25, or 35, or 95. The journey of life is a process of continual discovery and evolution and growth. See above "best news" for criteria of worthiness.

This part is going to get a little off-kilter but bear with me.

In every experiment and research project, be it personal or academic etc., we are trying to separate out the known, which is a narrow set of specifics, and the unknown, which is an infinite number of specifics. The unknown is not a permanent state. It is the beginning state.

We have to loop into what areas of comfort you are looking for.

Incomplete criteria:

Are you looking to become more comfortable with your physical appearance? Start building mood boards, clip images that spark joy. Outfits, makeup, accessories, individual pieces of clothing. How they fit, their color, style, shape, material. Skirt, pants, leggings, shirt, dress, suit. Formal, informal, casual. Bright. Dark. Simple. Elaborate. (etc).

Are you looking for a partner(s)? Bit trickier because we're now involving other people, but realistically this is just another dataset to consider. If you want your relationship to be sexual, address that. If not, address that. Friendly or romantic, both, inbetween. Loud or soft, both. Etc.

It sounds like you're seeking a named identity. For example, "non-binary somewhat femme presenting bisexual with pronouns they/theme, smallest possible priority to pronoun, introvert with occasional extrovert tendencies..." etc.

As I say above it sounds like you are looking to know your place in the sea of human experience and a name to attach to it.

If you catalog your experiences, you'll be be able to better direct, shape, consume, and create the media that represents what you're looking for, and the communities you wish to join or build.

There is nothing in the universe that is so outside human understanding that it cannot be researched.

The pain and confusion arise because you were presented a limited menu of options and none address what you want and need. The driving nature of inclusivity is to reduce this pain and confusion in an increasingly larger population by growing the menu.

Ergo: your discoveries, public or private, increase the scope of knowledge of human experience and reshape the world into a better, more inclusive place, by influencing your actions to yourself and others, with an emphasis on every time someone sees you and themselves feels seen.

Which as you might have guessed is why I personally ramble about all of these things, and for proof of advantage, is what brought you here, now, and going forward to anyone else who reads it.

I wish you the best of luck!

May you find answers, comfort, and joy.

[hmspogue]

Outer Banks season 2 Official Trailer shot-by-shot rundown

A comprehensive post where I scream about analyze the entire trailer frame by frame for clues, theories, and plot. Just my own opinions and general tin foil-hatting

These are screenshots from Netflix’s trailer for Outer Banks season 2. I do not claim or own any of these.

note: this post is tagged as a long post if you wish to avoid having to scroll until your thumbs break.

“My old man used to tell me, ‘it’s best to never say you’ve hit rock bottom’.”

(Putting all of these shots together since they’re scenes we already know but-) Holy shit, okay let’s just....start off like this I guess, damn.

“'Trust me’, he said...”

Kiara looking back and forth between the boys like this really just feeds the headcanon I have that her form of grief this season is going to be her trying to hold it together for their sakes (and eventually just snapping).

JJ just looks fucking furious someone give these kids a hug? I already know this scene is going to ruin me.

“You can always go...”

JJ back working at the hotel. He looks literally so angry again in this scene I could see him self destructing at work and losing his job? (Please do not be isolating yourself you beautiful son of a bitch even though I know you’re going to).

Pope in the Twinkie (costuming wise they all are in warmer looking clothes for some of the shots, so just confirming it’s a little bit into the school year when this all takes place).

“Lower”

Big John was real big into pep talks, I see. (seriously can you imagine Big John having this conversation with like 8 year old John B after he fucking dropped his ice cream cone or some shit I shouldn’t be laughing).

I’m just-

These poor kids, I wanna know how the police all the way down in the Bahama’s knew about them?

Their calves....

“RUN!”

Are going to be so fucking jacked by the end of this season I stg.

Fuck you.

“The gold from the Royal Merchant....it’s here.”

For a while, I had thought that maybe they didn’t even make it to the Bahama’s at the front of the season and ended there (because everyone had been filming in there). But I guess they’re going to be making two trips.

If I were a bird from this POV I’d shit right on that house no questions asked.

oooooh ho hokay. Just so we’re clear. Ward Cameron not only get away with murder and about two dozen other felonies, but-

“Half a billion.”

HE STILL FINDS THE GOLD IN THE CRAIN HOUSE AND GETS TO KEEP IT?

Not the polo with the snap back, I just know this man has a playlist called Sad Boi Hours that is just Juice WRLD’s top 5 songs on Spotify and he tells his friends they wouldn’t know the underground artists he listens to.

Sh, you have lost screaming privileges. Go inside and take a nap maybe.

“John B, we are fugitives in a foreign country.”

So, previously, I was talking about how I was confused how they would still be trying to find him is everyone thought he was dead, but here the wanted poster clearly says “presumed lost at sea”. I think that will be interesting to see how the Pogues all interpret that. 

Especially because they already had a memorial for John B and everything, I wonder if there will be any part of the Pogues holding out hope that they both could still be out there OUCH.

I’m going to circle back to this, but it looks like John B and Sarah are going to get separated for a little while in this man hunt, I could see my idiot himbo son trying to sacrifice himself so Sarah can get away but in reality just....stranding her.

“Promise me you won’t do anything stupid?”

Oh, sweetie....

“Well, Sarah Cameron, I do stupid things all the time without realizing it.”

The volume of his self awareness is astronomical. sir, that is your whole character summed up in your own words.

GOD, IT’S ME AGAIN. PLEASE LET THEM LEAN INTO COMPLETE HIMBO JOHN B THIS SEASON I’LL DO ANYTHING-

nyyooooOOOOOOOOOOOOM-

“Hold on!”

The complete abject terror I would feel having John Booker Routledge driving get-away and then saying the words “Hold on” while reaching fro the gear shift? The english language fails me. 

Sarah, bestie, I’m so sorry.

I just wanna know-

what the plan or objective was in this situation. What was the reason for being this dramatic.

Rest in piss, bozo <3

“Ward’s still out there...”

Okay, same conversation they were having as before. I wonder what makes them decide they need to get back to the OBX for this tho.

“I can clear my name. This can all be over in one shot.”

It looks like Topper watching this but way more concerningly, correct me if I’m wrong but this 100% looks like....John B gets caught. And the DEATH PENALTY?! He did have a mug shot for the fliers in s1 and the one above but he was never brought in? Plus he just looks super dirty and dishevled in this one so I-

Jail break anyone?

I also still want to know if they’re going to go with a Topper redemption arc this season. like, does he know more than he should just from being around Rafe and his big fat mouth? Is he going to help out the Pogues even if it’s just for Sarah?

This shot just suddenly made me really sad. The thought of this all started because Big John left one last thing for his son to find, his literal life’s work. And when it all started, it was just a fun adventure John B and his best friends were going on together and having fun with. Then it all got dragged to absolute shit and turned into what it did, including the remaining 3 Pogues thinking that this treasure hunt took their two best friends away from them. And it’s nothing like Big John intended it to be.

Why my eyes wet?

Now we’re edging into what I was talking about earlier with John B and Sarah getting separated.

“If you think there is anything I wouldn’t do...”

Once again, John B is no where to be found. Also, just in case y’all didn’t already know or forgot Ward is an actual psychopath.

I believe this one of the new character, played by Jontavious Johnson (Stubbs). Based on the voice over it lowkey sounds like they’re implying Ward maybe hired Stubbs and Cleo to find and bring Sarah back. My theory would be I bet they do go to retrieve her, but she somehow convinces them that it would be more beneficial for them in the end to be on the Pogue’s side instead.

Miss Girl you gotta be keeping your head on a SWIVEL. Especially when you’re a FUGITIVE of the LAW-

“...you haven’t been paying attention.”

My guy, who are you clarifying this for?

It’s what you deserve for monologuing.

in all seriousness, the idea of them coming to face to face with Ward in Nassau after thinking they finally escaped him is genuinely terrifying.

“SARAH!”

It kind of looks like they’re either hiding their faces or covering their noses? I don’t know maybe it was from some tactic to get away from Ward.

What did I literally jsut say about yelling privileges, you unhinged mother fucker?

“I’m calling the shots now. I’m driving.”

The following progression of scenes made me actually snort-

“I can’t drive stick.”

PLEASE THE FINGER GUNS LAUNCHED ME INTO ORBIT I LOVE THEM, YOUR HONOR.

Alright, so now it looks like we’re in Charleston. This is the same scene with Heyward’s truck that got leaked from BTS (read: JJ and Kie shoulder touch).

One of the main things that stuck out to me in the following scenes which, you will see, is it lowkey looks like Pope is kind of heading up this part of the operation, or even going in alone? The following clips are just very Pope focused. 

I don’t know what it means, it’s just an observation.

“John B was not the only one that Ward double-crossed.”

LIMBRY-

Bro, we have been hearing about this woman for literal months and I just have....so many questions? 

Who the hell is she? How is she connected to Ward? Why is she in South Carolina instead of the OBX? How do the Pogues even learn about her and how to track her down? How is she meant to “help” them? GAH I JUST WANNA KNOOOW. I already know I don’t trust her though and no I will not be offering up supporting evidence.

Sir, that is my son please unhand him.

“I think you know what I want.”

.......no? But feel....free to explain yourself?

The print on the paper is the same one that’s on the ceiling tiles in the following scene. Obviously, with a key on it that most likely goes to the place a few shots from now.

Hell yeah, son, let’s get SLEUTHING.

“The treasure belongs to the Pogues.”

DAMN STRAIGHT.

Bestie’s I’m not going to lie, I stared at this frame for a solid 10 minuets and I have no idea what it says on there I’m sorry. Someone in the comments is welcome to enlighten us.

“We gotta find it first.”

I can’t tell if that’s just dirt or if he hurt his head? But he look GOOD right now for one thing. For another, same outfit as the one in the Twinkie from the beginning of the trailer.

Look at her. LooK AT HER! LOOK! AT! HER! I MISSED HER SO MUCH even in that damn smiley face top that continues to haunt my waking hours she is in it so much and it stresses me out for literally no good reason I’m sorry-

I could literally cry right now and I think that speaks volumes to how little we actually see him genuinely happy. Have I mentioned how much I love that red hat?

Also, probably not that important, but this is not from the same scene as the shots of Pope and Kiara were. This is from the next one-

“Woogity-woogity?”

“Give me some woogity, baby!”

Yeah, this pushed me over the fucking edge, the way that they’re actually happy and laughing? The fact that they kept woogity-woogity and made it A Thing? Yes.

I am, however, going to be intentionally ignoring what appears to be the very intentional stagingof having such an obvious space between where Kiara and Pope are sitting adn where JJ sits, even including the level they’re sitting on because I don’t have the emotional capacity to face those implications right now. Thank you for your time.

Yes yeeeeEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

GIVE ME ALL OF THE SCENES OF THEM ACTUALLY GETTING TO BE TEENAGERS AND JUST BREATHE AND LAUGH AND HAVE A GOOD TIME AND NOT BE RUNNING FOR THEIR FUCKING LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!

before Rafe comes in and literally starts shooting because they can’t breathe for more than 7 seconds but we’ll....get to that.

They refer to Sarah as a Pogue this season or I burn Netflix to the ground. Your move, Jonas.

50 bucks says John B is driving the Twinkie again for the first time since being back.

I deadass think the Pogues JUST got Sarah and John B back and they’re just having the time of their life. Kie was in her smiley face outfit when Pope was in this one a few clips ago, and I still hold to the belief that that one still they released of JJ and Kie hopping over a fence is the Pogue reunion so-

Ward? I have no idea what he’s looking at behind the wall paper and I’ll be so honest I don’t care my eyes are only seeing Pogue content right now.

“This is a map of the whole island.”

This fit, when will John B learn how to operate buttons, stay tuned for season 5. Also my previous theory of this being their reunion outfits and stuff because Pope is in the back in the same jacket as before.

The plot thickens and so has JJ’s hair, Rudy drop the shampoo brand.

Please, dear God, tell me they’re back in the sex church. For @jiaaraa sake.

Kiara, your Madison is showing.

Okay, I really did try but all I can make out is Something to the tomb begin something something.

You’re welcome.

I am no expert but I do not believe boats operate on land.

John B looks like he is in the same outfit here that is in his mug shot we saw on the TV screen so I have a sneaking suspicion this is where he gets caught. 

“John B is back-”

Once again with the damn sexual tension that’s always between Barry and Rafe in every scene they do are we about to kiss right now?

“-it’s him or me.”

First of all, no.

Second of all, I’m just....so very confused about this time line this season. It kind of looks like Ward and Rafe follow and find Sarah and John B in Nassau (unless those scenes by the truck were actually back in the OBX). So did they....go to Nassau, then just come right back when they did? I’m just confused.

Put that thing back where it came from or so help me.

Literally when will you stop at this point I am begging you. 

This looks like the same scene the Pogues were, ya know, literally just having a good time at so fuck me, I guess.

Yeah, no, it’s going to be a no from me, I’m just going to pretend like I’m not seeing this and moving on.

I have simply no idea what is going on here or who that is on the bike but maybe JJ? Maybe Luke even? I think that’s JJ’s bike. 

The sewer scene. The SEWER SCENE-

For months sicne that tiktok leaked this damn scene has been genuinely all I could think about. So (obviously) it seems like they’re sending Kie down into the sewer to go do seomthing and things go horribly, horribly wrong. 

If you haven’t seen the tiktok, essentially all it was was JJ and Pope screaming and trying to lift up the man hole cover while Kie is begging for them to hurry from inside. I’m cheating a little bit as this isn’t a shot from the trailer but this picture was posted and it’s from the same scene.

I’ll just....leave this here. Back to the trailer shots.

Nice. Also, same shirt as mugshot.

Hey, um, what? 

Kiara’s car, she’s driving, I can’t tell who’s in the back seat or the front.

Holy God what is going on and how can I as an audience member put a stop to it?

So, same scene as we will see and was in the teaser but, for some reason, they’re all jumping off of a giant ass boat into the little life raft where it looks like JJ gets hurt later but don’t you worry we’re getting to that.

JJ AND KIARA WITH THE POGUE HANDSHAKE JJ AND KIARA WITH THE POGUE HANDSHAKE THEY BOTH LOOK SO DAMN GOOD AND THEIR LITTLE SMILES SPARE ME-

Cleo 🥵

I’m so excited to see her arc and what it brings this season you guys have no idea.

Please for the love of God be about to get Ward Cameron’s ass like he deserves literally punt him into jail right from Tanny Hill.

Sarah at My Druther’s with what looks like a bloody bandage on her side? Same outfit she’s wearing when they’re running from the police on the beach and she has the bandage there too so. Interesting. 

Topper hugging who I’m pretty sure is Sarah, being a general douche because he’s clearly looking at John B like 😏 

Clips like these serve to remind me just how many of my worldly posessions I would gladly give up to be able to punch Topper Thorton in the throat one time. 

I think this is Cleo jumping off the boat with Pope after John B and Sarah. 

Absolutely busting a lung at Pope’s form in this one.

John B and Sarah waiting in the life raft, still Cleo and Pope coming after them. The obvious next question is where are JJ and Kiara. The scene I’m sure you all have been waiting for is coming up and clearly takes place in the life raft as well.

So, I really think JJ and Kie get left for last, something horrible happens as they’re trying to jump (my head instantly goes to JJ maybe like pushing Kie out of the way and getting hit on the head instead or even just some accident). 

And, oh my GOD a scene of him falling off the boat after it happens and Kiara diving in after him immediately, having to desperatly try to stop him from sinkingand get to the life raft holy shit-

Girl CATCH HIM?????

Because why wouldn’t this be Rafe’s fault. Part of me wonders if this isn’t related to JJ being hurt.

I am going to try and unpack this as calmly as possible because behind my computer screen I am vibrating at a frequency that could shatter glass but respectfully.

WHAT IN THE FUCK IS TIAUEWFHLAILA

Okay, so scene wise, JJ’s hit his head somehow (probably while he was jumping with Kiara) it looks like and now they’re back on the raft. 

In my opinion, this is either:

A) JJ is in really, really bad condition after getting hurt in the jump and they’re not sure he’s going to make it. So this is a “Please stay with me, stay awake, please don’t die” hug OR

B) They very narrowly just avoided a deadly situation (my first thought is JJ hits his head while jumping, passes out in the water, maybe almost drowns but Kie and the others get him onto the life raft in time) and this is more of a “Oh my God, you’re okay, you’re safe now, we’re okay” hug. 

I honestly lean more to the second one based on the little bit of Sarah’s face we saw in the background. To me, it almost looked like she was smiling thru tears, which, fits way more with the second option than the first. 

Anyways. Moving on before I burst a lung again.

(also, before anyone comes at me, no, I’m not happy JJ is hurt, obviously.  

(Once again, arrest outfits). You can still see the bandage but it looks like Sarah’s limping now too so...good Lord give the girl a break maybe?

Everything in this trailer just went to shit so fast I think I have whip lash, can we go back to the Pogues hanging out and being happy now pkease I liked those scenes.

“I get it. You guys are scared.”

“No.”

She’s cute but, uh, hello sewer scene outfits. Seems like them planning to do whatever the hell they were going to do in the sewers but the boys are starting to get cold feet as maybe they should but hind sight is 20/20 I suppose.

“It’s kind of cute.”

“I’m not scared.”

“You should’ve just led with that.”

I will never be able to express how much I adore Pogue banter and general dumbassery and I have a feeling this season will not be lacking in either department

I high key don’t think these two are actually going to be there for this scene to go down but I’ll let it slide this time because-

They do be kinda cute.

It both feels like I’ve been waiting for this damn show for 3 years and also like I just watched season 1 last month explain that to me. 

Either way holy shit. I missed this dumb show and these dumb kids so much it physcially hurts and WE GET THEM BACK IN T-MINUS 16 DAYS.

Also. Where The Hell Is Wheezie Cameron And When Will She Have The Rights She Deserves.

#THIS LEGIT TOOK ME ALL DAY #AND I HAD A BLAST #im simply not ready #jiara nation how we feeling #UGH i missed them so much dude #outer banks season 2 #obx #long post #shot by shot rundown #jiara #the pogues #obx2 #john b routledge #pope heyward #sarah cameron #kiara carrera #jj maybank #jarah b #john b x sarah #jj maybank x kiara carrera #cleo #rafe cameron #topper thornton

[in-tua-deep]

Are you into my hero academia? What about an AU or crossover with tua?

UHHHH I am technically, like, peripherally? I watched some seasons of the show like two or three years ago and since then have simply absorbed all content through osmosis, reading fanfiction that has canon events, and my sister telling me about the arcs of her fav characters lmao

so a crossover hmmm

First of all you'd have to like, establish whether bnha is an alternate universe or just The Future If No Apocalypse with quirks being traced back to the descendants of the kids born without mothers

So let's say it's that - the glowing baby was the "first quirk" but the truth is people had powers before that. But - well, the Umbrella Academy was obviously a marketing gimmick to those in the future! There were even comics based on them

In the future, you might find some of those comics in museum exhibits dedicated to depictions of powers in the pre-quirk era, but they're just fun depictions and much less popular than, oh, DC or MCU comics which are also in the exhibits!

End of s2 doesn't happen I guess in this au?? No sparrow academy at least lmao. So, the Umbrella Academy stop the apocalypse (again) and the Commission threat is? Neutralized? Whatever. They decide to jump back to the future

Five warns them that time travel is a crapshoot, that he has no fucking idea when they'll land beyond some nebulous "future" because Five can at least control the direction if not exactly how long

Also, Five is like. Super tired. Incredibly tired. Homeboy still has a healing gut wound, time traveled twice, has been jumping all over the place, gotten even more injured, experienced paradox psychosis, and managed to undo time all in the space of like, two weeks. There actually more than that but we don't have time to get into how fucking tired Five is from his ~Month of Hell

Like genuinely this is like putting someone almost delirious from lack of sleep in the driver's seat of a car and expecting to get to your destination in one piece

But hey, the siblings are like "do it uwu" and Five has sacrificed everything for them already so why not get behind the wheel again

So Five jumps them, and of course something goes wrong because Five has pushed his powers like a great big rubber band and honestly it was only a matter of time before he lost his grip and it snapped back to hit him

So here be the umbrella academy: spilled out into the future like a cup of bad coffee.

Five probably isn't in too good of shape tbh, like they're hundreds of years in the future (but hey at least confirmation of no apocalypse am I right) in a world full of superpowers and Five is like. bleeding from his ears and nose probably idk

Let's handwave a little bit - Reginald made them all polyglots so the squad all speak varying levels of Japanese. Allison is the best at it, Five is second best but tends to use more archaic words bc he had missions in Japan back when he was with the commission, and Klaus is third best.

(Ben is the worst bc he decided when he was 16-and-dead that he didn't have to do anything regarding lessons and maintenance and hasn't given a shit since - but also he's dead so)

So you have a bunch of weird adults with a bleeding child in like, an alley who have appeared from nowhere

so of course heroes get involved

Anyway, the squad get taken in and Five is conscious but like, barely? And he's not going to let himself get separated from his siblings again fuck-you-officer and there is a lot of confusion

anyway detective tsukauchi ends up getting involved and ends up having to hear this batshit story and be like "...truth." which sends all kinds of people scrambling because fucking time travel? Like yeah, it's been theorized to be a possible quirk but there's no recorded cases of any sort of time travel that is for more than 24 hours let alone hundreds of years

"I'm an adult." Five says sourly, "I just happened to be returned to my 13 year old body when I time traveled one time."

"True." Tsukauchi says, feeling his soul leave his body, but like. absently. the way he does when he's called in at 2am after getting off of work at midnight.

"I'm 58." Five says.

"Lie." Tsukauchi says, because this is a headcanon hill I will die on.

"I'm probably 58, but it was hard to keep track. I'm at least 50." Five corrects.

"True." Tsukauchi sighs like these six (seven? they keep referring to another sibling and Klaus said 'ghost' like that was fine and it registered as true and Tsukauchi is not nearly paid enough for this) are not giving him a migraine by just existing

on the bright side there's like, probably protocols in place for individuals who are Legally Chronologically Adults but thanks to quirks are Not Physically Or Not Mentally Adults with tests to determine if the individual needs a guardian or not

though i'm gonna be honest idk if Five would pass the test bc he literally cannot take care of himself at all, has never paid taxes or understands how to exist legally, and also his emotional maturity is stunted as all hell. also like. we don't actually know how much being in his thirteen-year-old body affects his mental state but yeAH Five is vibing

anyway Tsukauchi probably phones a friend on this bullshit because Time Travel Child alone is probably enough for the Hero Commission to be like "find a way to control and use it or nuke it from orbit" and that's not even touching whatever the fuck Klaus is doing (shit gets real once 'dead men tell no tales' stops being true) let ALONE Allison's whole deal

on the bright side like, at least Vanya isn't getting side-eyed that much bc Big Destructive Quirks aren't exactly unknown? if vanya wanted to i guess quirk suppressors exist for that until extensive training on how to control a super powerful quirk happens

Tsukauchi in the group chat: Aizawa please I am literally begging you to take this bullshit on

Aizawa: in this economy? with my class?

RatGod: lol we'll take them ;3c

Aizawa: no

Anyway they probably end up having to live at UA while Five insists on trying to get them home still and everyone else is like "oh hey we used to be child soldiers as well! (:" and Aizawa is like "i hate everything about this and everything about all of you but also like nedzu is making me interact with you so :/"

nedzu is out here vibing like "lol i just don't want the hero commission to get their little paws on these time traveling fuckers, i think you should make then teaching assistants or something"

honestly the siblings are probably like. figuring out how to function in the bnha universe and getting like, legally registered and stuff while Five ferally refuses bc that's like saying he's giving up on getting them home and he can do this

Recovery girl tries to heal him a little when he arrives and he passes out for two weeks like, immediately bc homeboy is running on fumes and spite at this point

also i think on principle it would be REALLY FUNNY if the squad got to tag along with the class bc like. Five is thirteen and the class are all 15. this does not sound like a large age gap. anyone who has interacted with teenagers know that the class would squint at Five and be like "who is this sassy lost middle schooler."

I feel like when I was a sophomore we were still like "freshman... babie" even though we were literally only one year older.

i think the difference between the umbrella academy and school kids would be pretty funny like. objectively the bnha kids are lowkey child soldiers?? like they're 15 and fighting villains but like, there's all this red tape and laws and stuff but,,, deku still be breaking his limbs in a child fighting ring against equally superpowered children for like. entertainment and sponsorships sooo

but also like Five would be like "oh cool when is the experimentation class"

"the what"

"you know, when your powers are pushed real hard by putting you in different terrible situations while your dad and sibling stand by with clipboards writing down the exact voltage it takes before you can't use your powers anymore when being electrocuted"

"hound dog's office is right there. therapy is available to you at any time. i need you to know this."

all might calls Luther "my boy" like one (1) time and Luther just breaks down crying probably because he is starved for positive attention

klaus and midnight get along like a literal house on fire, aizawa tried his best to keep them apart for as long as possible but god damn

(klaus: your name is shimura nana??

all might: immediately dies choking on blood)

i feel it absolutely necessary to point out that aizawa, present mic, and midnight are all like, 30? and the umbrella academy are all between 29-early 30s? they are PEERS but like. the umbrella academy are more chaotic due to childhood trauma

the umbrella academy probably get offered to like. also train to be heroes. i mean,, there HAS to be some sort of track for people who change careers right?? you don't have to cement your future as a hero when you're 15 i'm sure there must be something and the squad already have experience if they want to go be legal heroes

diego probably does at least?? diego just vibes honestly. diego gets momo to make knives during a team exercise and they just go feral on everyone else and it ends with diego highfiving momo and someone getting way to close to being stabbed for comfort

Five might just be. legally enrolled as an Actual Student? But also i think it's funny to picture the entire squad just. all in the back of the classroom with luther trying to fit into a high school desk as they take notes on the laws of The Future surrounding heroics

every word out of the umbrella academy's mouths just make everyone more concerned on principal but like, five and klaus are probably the worst offenders. Klaus just says whatever comes to mind with no filter and Five doesn't get what people would consider to be abnormal anymore like

Five: yeah our dad bought us when we were babies and experimented on us throughout our childhood in order to make an elite team of child soldiers superheroes, it happens

Todoroki: ...have you heard of quirk marriages?

izuku probably has an aneurism bc he's is the only person who might recognize them from the comics because you know ya boy extensively researched the idea of heroics in pre-quirk eras (batman was an inspiration alright???) and might dredge up a memory of a less popular comic series

Five: I can time travel but it is very hard, which is why we are hundreds of years in the future. And why I look like a child.

Kaminari: so are you a kid or not?

Five, serenely: whatever is most convenient for me at any given moment

Mina: hell yeah game the system

they have a brief lesson on astronomy and Luther raises his hand like "ooh! i was isolated on the moon for four years and did SO MUCH research" and then just gets up and starts infodumping like way too much information on the moon

Izuku sitting there like "damn if quirks hadn't popped up we could have achieved so much in terms of space travel. please tell me more giant man who lived in pre-quirk era."

Vanya finds out about the quirkless and is like "oh mood that genuinely sounds like my childhood, being ordinary in a house full of extraordinary people, and then i found out that i did have powers but only much later in life after i had already been emotionally scarred by the experience"

deku: vanya we have so much in common

iida and uraraka: concerned noises

aizawa: hound dog. therapy with hound dog for all of you.

there's probably some conflict with like, the hero commission wanting to get their hands on the time travelers?? but probably especially five and klaus as a) time travel and b) ghosts (the hc def has bodies they would like to stay buried)

five has a pavlovian reaction to anything with 'commission' in the name and hates them on site, probably plays into his age in order to become a ward of UA or something to protect him from the commission a little bit.

(this makes nedzu Five's legal guardian. aizawa has his resignation papers all prepped in a drawer marked 'in case of emergency' but let's be real, if nedzu wants to take over the world aizawa should probably be on the rat-bear's side of things :/)

five: ah, i do recall the inhumane experimentation that we were subjected to

nedzu, who was experimented on: haha same hat! want me to dig up the location of reginald hargreeves's remains so you can spit on them?

klaus: nah no worries we dumped them out in the courtyard unceremoniously like, a while back. how long ago varies for each of us because of time travel!

luther: you said hound dog's office was down the hall and to the right?

on the bright side, Luther probably feels like. way less self conscious about his body, partially bc of his fighting and all that in the 60s but also bc !! now he genuinely doesn't feel like a freak. no one even gives him a second glance. one of the teachers looks like a slab of cement with a face. gang orca looks Like That. there is literally a student with an entire bird head and goth aesthetic. Luther does not stick out at all

allison and shinso bond over having "villainous" voice-based quirks

allison and shinso having worn muzzles at some point in their youth as punishment 🤝

aizawa probably helps train vanya as well with the whole, being able to erase a world ending quirk safely thing he's got going on which makes for a very nice safety net

i don't think vanya would want to be a hero at the end of things though. maybe the assistant teacher in the music class or something?? all vanya wants is to be able to not end the world

i feel like as time goes by, five brings up trying to get home less and less. part of that is because like,,, genuinely what do they have to go back to?? Allison has Claire, but like. I'm 100% sure the first thing she did in the future was try track down Claire's records and found out Claire was like. fine. became an adult, had a family, probably became the ancestor of the first "quirked" kids who officially popped up after light baby. had a good life, died at an old age etc. etc.

they start settling into the bnha world with like, "we can always hop aboard the five express into where the fuck ever" as a plan Z if things go completely pear shaped (again)

i'mma be real, five himself doesn't give a fuck as long as there is a) no apocalypse and b) his family is alive. Like that's it. His bar is so incredibly low and yet his life keeps fucking trying to limbo under it

i just think it would be funny to have like, Five trying to get along with his "peers" and make friends while the siblings do the same but like, in the staff room

also think it would be funny for five to just walk into the staff room and get coffee occasionally.

a teacher: why is a student in here -

Five, sipping coffee: i'm an adult

nedzu like "what kind of guardian would i be if i didn't teach my new son all the tunnels around ua so he can pop out wherever"

five like "hey new dad can i put stashes of supplies all around ua of weapons, money, food, and other assorted things that might be useful if one needed to fight or make a run for it" and nedzu is like "haha just put your list of what supplies you want in your go bags on my desk and i'll critique it later!"

anyway a bnha/tua crossover would be incredibly chaotic but probably very funny

#long post #far tua long #tua bnha crossover #what kind of disaster is this #there are so many characters in bnha to even consider #there is no more apocalypse so five either chills the fuck out or his paranoia ramps up to an eleven #or both! #five teleporting into nedzu's office like: hey i wrote a 52 page potential contingency plan for if x happens #and nedzu is like 'wonderful!' and gives it back to five the next day with corrections and critiques in red ink #klaus ben and ghost!nana get along like a house on fire even if she keeps telling klaus that he's too skinny #ben: klaus is an absolute fucking idiot with zero braincells #nana nodding sagely while looking at all might: ah yes i know the exact type #diego and snipe become absolute bros like ride or die because why not #luther gets positive reinforcement and goes to therapy #also thirteen listens patiently to luther infodumping about space because i think that would be nice #five is either like 'i'm only thirteen uwu' or 'i'm fifty eight' and there is nothing in between - only what is most convenient #i feel like kaminari and mina vibe with five's brand of chaos #iida doesn't know whether to murder five for being a gremlin and disobeying so many rules or to be respectful bc five is technically old #aizawa is SO TIRED y'all #aizawa thinks vanya is going to be the good hargreeves but PSYCHE all the hargreeves are equally chaotic in different ways #five calls nedzu 'dad' for the sole reason that it makes every teacher and/or hero in earshot cringe in automatic fear #klaus also calls nedzu dad because he just thinks it's funny #five and nedzu have similar coping mechanisms so they vibe but nedzu also vibes with klaus's sense of chaotic humor #five gets talked into healthier coping mechanisms by way of 'keeping his cover' or 'preventing the hc from getting their hands on you' #aka five is not allowed to drink alcohol #five HAS gone to midnight and been like 'hey teach knock me the fuck out my brain is working overdrive and i need to not be awake anymore'

[gagmebucky]

hi it’s been awhiiiiiile since i was able to write and this is unedited 😓 dont be too harsh 😅

anonymous said: I just read ''am i right where you want me?'' And it was wonderful, I can't describe the emotions I felt. I was wondering if it is in your plans to do a second part? And if not, can I leave you little questions like WHAT IF one day y/n brings a boy to a party in Bucky's house?

He cranes his neck down, and his mouth grazes the shell of your ear. “What was that comparison between me and that overgrown fratboy again?” he goads while your hips roll up and down across his thigh, a damp trail in your wake. “‘Cause I’m barely touching you, and you can’t manage a coherent sentence.” He chuckles lightly. “Makin’ a mess all over my jeans.”

in which you bring a boy to a party, and your best friend’s father definitely doesn’t care—except that he does. (includes bucky’s pov, enemies to lovers thinly veiled jealousy, dirty talk, mild choking, mild exhibitionism and voyeurism, thigh riding.)

do not repost.

—

He’s an idiot. On-brand for what one would expect your type to be.

A stereotypical meathead with arms bigger than what is undoubtedly a pea-sized brain. Dirty blond and blue-eyed, center of the room as he brags about his ability to chug! chug! chug!; does he have to be such a clichè?

This isn’t the first time you’ve invited other people around. Girls, guys, identities as both and neither, apparently, you’re quite charming. As far as his daughter goes, she enjoys the company you reel in and bodes well for the parties she likes to host. These initially small gatherings progress into a full blown festival as a result.

The difference, opposed to the previous times, is how close you’ve been with him all night. The other invitees eventually parted from you—or vice versa—getting into the music, games and drinking atmosphere. But for some reason, he’s buzzing around you like a fly, and rather than swat him away, it looks like you’re truly enjoying his company. Or maybe it’s you that’s orbiting around him.

James should get it but there’s a part of him, way in the recesses of his mind, that just fucking doesn’t. He stands by the fact that you’re obnoxious—sometimes subtly, sometimes loudly—so it should make sense you’re attracted to someone who’s also obnoxious.

He doesn’t care. Not really. Sure, his eyes have been on you this whole time and he’s wracking his brain to figure out what rapport you two can possibly have that’s up to par for a mouthy little thing like you. But it’s for that irritant at the base of his skull that needs to understand it. That’s all. No deeper feelings involved.

Who wears a swiss watch and a baseball cap to a party, anyway? A guy named Thor, it turns out. To his credit, his obnoxiousness isn’t malicious or intentional but more so a product of his personality and otherwise harmless.

The thing is, you can do better. Seriously. It’d be truly insecure of him to deny your beauty and the allure your apparent charm has so he knows that you do have your pick of the crop. That bite you have demands higher standards, you thrive when you have someone to debate.

Thor is not that someone. It's an insult to even consider.

And he won’t. In fact, this entire hang-up is stupid, and he can’t believe he’s wasted all this time harping on it. He doesn’t care, anyway. It’s simply curiosity, asinine curiosity he’s done giving his attention to. Curiosity did kill the cat, and by cat, he means brain cells.

Although he doesn’t care for parties—his daughter loves them so he doesn’t mind having a few for her sake—there’s far better things he can be doing. His mood won’t be sullied by you. If anything, he should be thanking fratboy for keeping you occupied and not readily gnawing on his nerves.

On that thought, his gaze flickers around the room. There’s a vibrant beat thumping through the spaciously conjoined living room-kitchen-patio area, playing from a list of your orchestrating, and the drink dispenser is still half-full of a juice and liquor mixture. It’s populated but balanced with friends and friends of friends.

Yeah, there’s plenty of things to do, he confirms with the sultry looks he receives during his survey. You’re not the only one with a personal pick of the crop. It’s about time he takes advantage of that, prove that you aren’t all that, but as he accidentally makes eye contact on a forward step.

Mid-speech, gathered by a game of beer pong, whatever you’re saying and gesticulating about trails off. A trick of light and distant—or a trick of his mind—your reflective hues suddenly have a twinkle. But it isn’t directed at the conversation at hand.

Your best friend and your date are immersed in the topic: laughs and smiles all around. You are not. You’re half-listening, perfunctory nods and appropriately cued laughs. Instead, your attention keeps drawing back to him, back-and-forth even as he resists the urge to glance back.

He doesn’t care. Not at all. That’s why he’s ignoring the entire right side of the room; he doesn’t have any interest in what’s going on around you. The last thing he needs is you coming over and being, well, you. That possibility is the reason why his heart hurdles—because he’s agitated to have you waltzing over, and not because you’ll be snubbing fratboy for him.

Which, of course, you’re doing. A stolen glance proves his gut clenching instincts. Body language foreshadows your goodbye, a wave and smile of finality, before you’re a side-step and forward trek to his vicinity.

His pride stays strong with his interest elsewhere as you make your way through the room. Though, his ears aren’t tuned out because he can hear people saying hello, progressively getting louder with the closer you get.

Eventually, you’re less than a foot away, and he’s not one to turn the other cheek. Being the “bigger man” is a glorified admission of losing.

“Mr. Barnes,” is what you greet him with somewhat pleasantly, and it’s surprising. The only explanation is that lover-boy has put you in a good mood. That should be a plus since he won’t have to deal with your smartassery but he finds himself dissatisfied by the sentiment.

But he doesn’t bother with a response, and there’s a sardonic twist of your lips at the silence, sparking like lightning beneath his skin because he knows your assholeish nature can’t be tamed (much less by some frat boy).

“How’s that lemon you’ve been sucking on for the past two hours and a half?” you pose the quip casually, a mild angle of your eyebrow. “I’d think by now all the sourness would be gone.” You click your tongue matter-of-factly, on a roll that can’t be interrupted as you continue, “Evidently not ‘cause you still got that dumbass look on your face.”

He snorts, a bit astounded by the audacity. “You have some nerve talking about dumb, considering frat boy over there.” His head juts to the side in gesture to your so-called date who’s trying to catch goldfish being tossed into his mouth. “Bet you had an amazing conversation talking in one-to-three syllables.” He leans forward, getting a sweet waft of your scent, and utters with as much snark as possible, “You know, ‘cause anymore would be too complex.”

Your mouth opens but instead of speaking, your brows furrow and you cock your head. “Are you kidding me?” Your thumb jabs to a six-foot blond cheering and high-fiving because he’s caught ten in a row. “He has a masters in applied physics and electrical engineering.” You look delighted when his jaw clenches, and your arms fold. “He’s far from dumb, Mr. Barnes.”

James bristles and pretends like his ego isn’t threatened. “Whatever,” he says and it’s not his best comeback. He clears his throat and tosses you a half-hearted scowl. “Then he’s out of your league.”

You tilt your head. “Are - are you jealous?”

“J - jealous?” he splutters in a cross of horror and denial, absolutely loathing the twist inside his ribcage. He shakes his head vehemently as he shuffles on his feet. “Not in your fucking wildest dreams. I don’t give a fuck about you and some moron who probably bought his degrees.” It’s far more aggressive than intended, a full-on snap unlike the usual back-and-forth you two have. “It’s just another reason why I question why in the hell my daughter would willingly hangout with you.”

The harshness should invoke fire in your eyes but there’s a flawless smile gracing your lips, perfectly formed with the deviousness glittering in your gaze. “I’m glad you’re not jealous,” you tell him, lifting your chin as you edge forward. “Because in addition to being smart, he’s really good with his hands. If y’know, what I mean. . .”

Something violent strikes him. For reasons unknown, the picture of you and him—breathy, needy because of that guy’s fingers wedged between your thighs—claws underneath his skin in a way more impactful than anything before. “You’re fucking shameless,” he says in vague state of shock but you’re undeterred, if anything spurred on.

You laugh. “You should know that by now.” You dramatize a look around before getting in close, your profile on the other side of his when you stage-whisper, “I’m not even wearing panties right now. I’m just waiting for the moment he gets me alone and fingerfucks me ‘til I cry.” You straighten and smile brightly. “So it’s really good you don’t care.”

There’s a twinkle on your eye when you realize he’s rendered speechless. Your tongue swipes across your bottom lip, teeth sinking in when the corners threaten to turn up, self-satisfied by every vulgar word you uttered but not enough because you keep going:

“Besides, talent like Thor’s is far out of your league. You might want to stop being such a hater, by the way. Ask him for some tips instead.” It’s innocent and so fucking patronizing he has to grit his teeth. “Maybe then, you won’t be such a sad-sack in the corner, old man.”

Adrenaline is scathing as it pumps through his veins, a nasty green feeling creeping up behind him and recoiling in his gut. “You—”

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna ‘go to the bathroom’ but not really.” You touch his arm when you wink. “I hope he gets the hint, though. He’s smart in his field but. . . a little absent-minded generally.” You’re looking over him in the midst of a rousing beer pong game. “The duality of man, I suppose.” You shrug and cast your best friend’s father one last glance before departing. “Have fun playing by yourself, Mr. Barnes.”

You’re out of the room and down the hallway, heading to that bathroom on the second floor where the music will be faint and the occupants will be only you—pantyless.

You’re baiting him.

Unlike your date, he’s not fucking clueless. He’s genuinely insulted that you think he wouldn’t know what you’re doing. Or, is your ego that untethered to reality that you know he knows and will fall under your spell nonetheless? Which is more offensive, he isn’t sure.

If you think he’s going to follow you up like a lovesick puppy and accost you, thereby confirming your incorrect ‘jealousy” theory, you’re wrong. Like much in your life, you are not right. If you think that Mr. Far-From-Dumb can offer you something he can, then you can discover that disappointment yourself.

Speaking of, although his feet are glued to the floor (he isn’t even tempted), he doesn’t resist taking a peek over. To see him still standing there, he isn’t sure if he’s astounded, or unsurprised. But he is, looking unconcerned about your disappearance and more engaged in the game than ever.

James has to be honest, he feels a mild sense of anger. He can’t understand how Thor could be focused on anything other than you, especially because you’d been so gracious to provide your attention to him. He knows he’s older but even he’d pick up on those signals all night.

Time seems faster. Seconds past, and Thor isn’t making any moves to leave. It’s driving him a tad insane. You’re upstairs, hot, wanting and fucking ready for the taking, yet this guy is raving about making an impossible shot.

His muscles twitch, and he has to grit his teeth and mentally recite, I’m not going, I’m not going, I am not—

His hand catches your wrist, fingers encircling the circumference snugly, and yanks: haphazard, with enough force to falter your balance. A backward stumble, and your back collides with the hallway way, expelling a gust of air past your lips in the process.

A brief expression of offense crosses your features, brows pinching and mouth opening to spout curses, but then your eyes recognize his. Instead, arrogance forms a curve of your lips. Undoubtedly, something infuriating is about to fall from your wicked tongue.

But he’s quick. On you like a flurry, his body corners yours and his knee fits perfectly between your thighs, against that unwrapped gift there for the taking. Whatever quip you intended to make drops because of the blunt pressure now pinning you in place; instead, there’s your shocked gasp, and he revels in the sound.

If there had been doubt you were bluffing before, it’s vanished because you’re radiating wet heat through his jeans. He’s never known something could feel so obscene; desire lurches through his veins and rattles between his ribcage so harshly it’s enraging.

“Oh, f - fuck,” you moan breathlessly. There’s a flutter of your lashes fully registering him before you, your tongue across your bottom lip and your teeth following; an erotic sight that pumps blood directly to his dick. Your hips are trying to writhe for stimulation, and a soft arch in your spine tosses your head back. “Mr. Barnes—James—”

One of his hands wraps around your bared throat and grounds you back to him face-to-face because he needs to watch the pleasure daze your features and see your lips babble his name. At the same time, he presses into you further, pushing up on his forefoot where he wrings a beautiful depraved sound out of you.

It shouldn’t please him, especially to the bone-deep sense degree he felt it at, but it does. You’re a puddle against him, your eyes a darkened focus, undeniable who’s got you like this; your face looks so pretty framed by his fist, an inciting gleam in your gaze at his snug but comfortable grip.

Your fingers curl around his wrist gently, nails sinking crescents into the skin for purchase; he’s the only stability you can depend on right now. His height outmatches your own and his strength is likewise, the position of his knee at the junction of your legs leverages you upward, your hips in-line with the slant of his thighs. There’s faint tremors in your muscles, he feels, growing wobbly the more he works a rhythm against you.

“Mr. Barnes. . .” you whimper, gasping thereafter because he grinds his upper leg back and forth, abrasive strokes of jean against your soft sex. Your eyes widen a bit, bucking as much as you can into the sensations. “Oh, fuck me—f - fuck me. James. I - I—please.”

Another bat of your lashes, your lids shutter but his grip tightens in warning. With a wonderfully pathetic u - uh!, you come back to him, gaze bright and wanton. The beginnings of a smirk pulls at his lips, the cocky one between you two, dragging his dilated pupils over your needy, bliss-painted expression.

There’s a certain look in your stare that tilts his head. His ministrations slow, and he releases the bulk of his grasp. “Sorry,” he says with faux-politeness, if anything, prideful to render you all speechless and whimpering. “Is there something you wanted to say other than moaning my name?”

A flawless smile, your incisors gleaming a blinding white, you breathe, sotto voce all you can manage, “I knew you liked me. You’re fucking smitten, aren’t ‘cha, James?”

A couple words, and you’ve checked him. It’s impressive, there’s no denying; the effortlessness in your effect on him is something to behold. But it only fuels his need to assert he’s got as much power over you as you do over him. So rather than rebuttal, he spares a mocking show of teeth.

Then, promptly, in quite literal terms, he takes matters into his own hands. Matters being you, both palms grapple your hips, strength coiled his big arms that have him in complete control, and glides your slick little heat along the thick muscles of his thigh.

Like a rabbit, you squeal, high pitched at the harsh stimulation suddenly rutting over your poor pussy. The speakers are booming below, and it’s thankful otherwise the guests would be privy to the cute depravity. You jerk and jolt but he handles you like a fine ride; the amount of essence you’ve soaked through his pants, it’s practically a slip ‘n slide.

“O - oh, shit,” you gasp-moan-whimper, clawing at his chest, all but trembling in his arms. “Fucking hell. You’re gonna make me cum, aren’t you?” Your head falls forward, lulling over to his shoulder, and he can feel your heavy breathing through his shirt. All you can do is cling to him and reap the rewards of the ride. “James, fuck, you are.”

He cranes his neck down, and his mouth grazes the shell of your ear. “What was that comparison between me and that overgrown fratboy again?” he goads while your hips roll up and down across his thigh, a damp trail in your wake. “‘Cause I’m barely touching you, and you can’t manage a coherent sentence.” He chuckles lightly. “Makin’ a mess all over my jeans.”

“S - shut up!” Your shirt-clenched fists slap his chest weakly, then your face jerks back, realization on display. “Oh, shit. He might still come up here.”

Is it wrong that the thought thrills him?

“Yeah, and?” he rhetorics, well-aware of the bathroom diagonal from your joint position. “Did you really think I’d make this a private affair? You talked so tough downstairs, and now look at you.” His tongue darts across his bottom lip, feeling the ravenousness clenching in his gut. “What are you gonna say if he comes up here? Sees your pretty ‘ole dress around your hips while you desperately try to fuck my thigh? Hearing you blabber my name over and over again?”

”Mr—James—you’re such a—” A moan tears out of your throat, the jeaned fabric wreaking havoc on your throbbing button. “Fuck.”

He laughs. “You can’t string together a sentence so how ‘bout you just whimper, and I’ll explain that you can’t help yourself around me and when it comes down to it, it’s me that you’re gonna beg to make you cum,” he promises sagely.

Tendrils of your hair give them an excuse to trace his fingers down the perimeter of your face before tucking it behind your ear tenderly. There might be some concern over getting caught but it’s easily outweighed by the euphoria adorning your expression. This is what you wanted: him on you, and your so-called date was nothing more than your attempt to get it.

You put on a show because you wanted him. What an ego booster.

“He might have talented hands or what-the-fuck-ever but bunny, all I have to do is get you on my thigh, and look, your eyes are all pretty and glossy.” He rests his forehead on yours, counting the different reflects of need within your captivating hues. “Maybe I’ll give him a demonstration. A lesson? You’ll be the star of the show, of course, because I know you love the attention.”

“I hate you,” you gasp but he knows every word only turns you on. “I fucking hate you but please—please!”

It’s in rare form you’re pleading, and his skin feels like it’s glowing. “Is this your thing now? ‘I’m not wearing any panties, Mr. Barnes, so please come fuck me now.’” he continues to taunt and feels the quiver wrack you, snapping your hips to his barrage. At this point, you’re like jelly, pliant yet responsive to him. “Do you even own a pair, or are you giving me an all access pass?”

Something between a whimper and whine vibrates out of your throat, and your breathing is labored. “I’m gonna cum,” you whisper, and each muscle in your body starts to tighten. You blink up at him, a picture of desperation, phrasing intoned like an ask for permission though it’s a statement: “I’m gonna cum.”

The corner of his mouth quirks. “No,” he dissents, cooing in his correction of, “you’re gonna beg.” To show how serious he is, his hands relax and leave your hips bucking pathetically to mimic the pace he set.

Your eyes are moons of disbelief and need, offhandedly shaking your head d “That’s - that’s not funny,” you whine. “You can’t do that. I - I won’t.” Which is such a funny reaction because what did you think you were doing before.

He nods, nose-to-nose. “Yes. You will,” he says before drawing his hand up your side to grip your throat, dexterous fingers returning home on either side, a few millimeters shy of meeting at your nape. His thumb presses into your pulse where it’s hammering hotly.

“I—I’m not gonna - gonna beg! Would you just. . .?!!” is your frustrated but pleading reply, a puppy dog equivalent fluttering into his eyes. “You’re such a dick. You’re such a dick!”

He tsks in disapproval. “You don’t have any manners. It’s about time someone taught you some. Now beg me to make you cum like a good, proper girl.”

“Manners? Okay. You jerk off to me, don’t you?” you accuse, a grin creeping across your face because his own expression is shocked, caught-with-his-hand-in-the-cookie-jar like, and therefore affirming.

You nod, gloating. “Yeah. It’s my face that’s getting you off. When you’re two seconds away from blowing your lid, the thought of me is what sends you right over the edge. Is that mannerly, you think?” Your grin is full grown. “You’re perverse, Mr. Barnes. Don’t pretend other—oh, fucking—!”

Your relief-filled cry cuts you off because his hand has wedged between your mound and his thigh, and two digits curl up into your unprepared channel; a wet, warm vice that twitches wildly simultaneously at the intrusion and the now triggered release.

“Shut up,” he just about snarls as you clamp down around his fingers for dear life and your eyes slip behind your head.

You’re right on every single declaration. You’re always on his mind, and it’s not agitation that quickens his pulse, or anger that rushes through his veins but an embarrassing infatuation and desire. And tonight, when his fist is wrapped around his cock, it’s every sound, scent and feeling of this moment that’ll milk the cum right out of him.

[am i right where you want me? / send feedback here / my masterlist here.]

#James Barnes x reader #marvel smut #Bucky Barnes imagines #Bucky Barnes x reader smut #marvel fanfiction #my writing #enemies to lovers smut #hehehe.... hello #this is... not good okay there’s repetitive phrases/words and the flow is nonexistent and the paragraphs are too long 😓 #but I really really really needed to finish a piece 🥺 I fucking cut myself off from tumblr bc I was like #you get no interaction until you fucking finish 😠 and I finished :D!!! hi 😏

[yeojaa]

GIRL we need a devil in a new suit drabble where jungkook gets jealous pls bless us😭😭❤️

[ read devil in a new suit ]

pairing.  jjk x f!reader.  rating.  explicit.  tags.  kook being hilarious and naive, reader being a little frustrated but head over heels, smut in the form of:  titty sucking (kook is a big boob guy in this), cunnilingus, kook wanting to love you forever.  wc.  2.1k.  author note.  i am... so in love with this couple so what was meant to be a “kook gets jealous and breaks reader’s back” turned into... this.

Jeon Jungkook doesn’t get jealous.  Not because he doesn’t care, or he’s unaffected, or any other negative connotation under the sun.  He doesn’t because he’s him, too soft and sweet and silly to believe the worst in people.  (This, coming from the man who’d steered clear of dating apps and blind dates because he was worried he’d be hurt.)

Once, you’d been waiting for him to pick you - he’d been running late, dinner with his parents and younger sister - and he’d found you chatting politely to an old fling of yours.  Well, maybe not so old.  A recent fling, a friend of sorts.  Someone who’d swanned into your life during your college years and had remained there ever since, popping his head in from time to time. 

You’d always been on good terms, caught up for lunch every six months or so when he’d return home from his overseas job.  In the past, you’d found familiarity in the shape of his hands, the neon outline of his almond eyes and pouting lips.  He was good in bed, as charming between the sheets as he was on the street.

But your heart belonged to Jungkook now - had, before you’d even realised it - and Taewoo was just another guy.  Another face in a crowd.

Still, you’d thought your beloved boyfriend would have some sort of reaction.  Maybe a quirk of his perfectly groomed brows, a certain tightness belying his displeasure in the softly peaked bow of his mouth.  You’d spied neither after extracting yourself from the hug and waving goodbye.  Jungkook had been sunshine and sweetness, opening your door for you and stamping a kiss to your cheek.  

That night, he’d loved you how he always had, with you crying his name and making a mess of his sheets.

Another time, you’d been at a work function.  One of those ridiculous galas you loved, full of women in their highest heels and men in their swankiest watches.  (You’d worn Aquazzura that night, Jungkook with an Audemars Piguet loose around his wrist.)  

He’d stuck close to your side, far more interested in the way your dress hugged your figure, cut intimidatingly high over your thigh and revealed the swell of your ass at juuuust the right angle.  Yejin had been the only one to tear him away, insisting on shots that you knew she couldn’t handle.  Anything went if free booze was involved.

Thirty minutes later - give or take, since you hadn’t had a watch of your own on - your boyfriend had returned, flushed and adorable.  There’d been a garden of colour creeping over the expanse of his chest, peeking around the collar of his shirt and disappearing into his neatly tousled strands.  He’d giggled his way back to you, somehow completely oblivious to the man that’d found you at your table and settled himself into the spot labelled Jeon Jungkook.

The imposter had been affronted, gaze narrowed at the younger man who was a little too loose, a little too smiley.  Wholly out of place at an event like this, where people spent too much time up their own asses, noses held aloft and business cards exchanged.  

(One of the reasons you loved Jungkook so much.  He was a breath of fresh air in a world you thrived in - found humour in, at the very least - carrying you high above the clouds with the sound of his laughter.)

“Hi, baby.”  Your darling boy smothered you in kisses, traced them up and over the exposed expanse of your shoulder, nosing against your skin, utterly unbothered by the man shooting him daggers, wishing him ill from the spot he’d wrongly claimed.  

Of course, he’d thought Jungkook was making a point - claiming what was his - but that was so far from the truth you’d almost laughed when he’d spoken, voice carrying above the slightly laboured breaths of your lover.  “I guess that’s my cue to leave, huh?”

You’d smiled, nodded with a hand threaded into cornsilk curling over Jungkook’s nape.  “Looks like it.”

(Then your idiot love - your big-hearted moron, your doe-eyed baby - had come up for air, cheek resting in the palm of his hand.  “Where’s your friend?”  He’d asked, eyes so wide you couldn’t doubt the sincerity of his question.)

Such was the kind of person Jungkook was, with an unwavering belief in the goodness of others, a silver thread outlining everyone’s silhouette.  You sometimes wondered what it would take to drive him to any sort of displeasure, any sort of emotion beyond quiet melancholy (seldom seen but heavily felt, when the rare occasions rose) or easygoing amicability (his default setting).  Not that you’d ever push to see that, of course.

You were happy.  Hopelessly in love.  You wouldn’t have traded him for the world - couldn’t even fathom doing anything to hurt him.  

And yet, you discover albeit by accident - it’s really not that hard.  All it takes is a pretty girl.

“This looks incredible,”  she says, standing close, long dark hair falling in a fluid curtain down the line of her back.  It’s the loveliest shade, cool-toned beneath the boutique lights, and reflects colour like a waterfall.  You’d complimented her on it when you’d stepped into the fitting area, a handful of hangers set across the rolling rack.

Fingers smooth over embroidery, revelling in the feeling of it over your skin.  It’s a beautiful thing, black tulle that hangs to your fingertips.  Not Jungkook’s preferred style - he much prefers harnesses and so many straps it might as well be a cat’s cradle - but you think he loves it nonetheless. 

(You’d confirm, but he’s been stoically silent, seated in the plush chair tucked beside the privacy partition, normally soft gaze hard and trained on his phone.  He doesn’t seem very much in the mood to talk, hardly reacting with each outfit change.  A nod here, a smile there.  Not even the most scandalous of the options - a black corset decorated in Leavers lace - had elicited his usual enthusiasm.)  

“You think so?”  You’re not insecure about your body - know what it looks best in, which assets to play up.  Still, it’s nice to hear from someone other than your doting boyfriend, the people caught in your orbit.  

The sales associate nods, beams at you in the multiple mirrors.  A hand of her own drifts over the thin strap of the slip - an innocent gesture that dislodges wayward strands of hair from beneath.  “Of course— and I’m not just saying that because I’m trying to sell it.” 

You nod, satisfied.  Even if Jungkook doesn’t seem ecstatic, your own joy makes up for it, buyer’s delight spilling over.  “I’ll take the satin robe, the blush silk set, and this in the violet.”  

“Great choices,”  she hums, pulling back the curtain to the adjoining change room to allow you privacy.  Silence follows as you slip the delicate number off, returning it to its hanger.  You don’t expect when the brunette continues speaking - presumably to your surprisingly surly boyfriend.  “Don’t you agree?” 

“Yep.”  He’s never been a man of few words, usually so full of excitement that he rambles when he doesn’t mean to.  

It’s a dead giveaway - a confirmation that something’s wrong.

Unfortunately for you, you don’t have time to broach the subject, your purchases already paid for and a firm hand on the small of your back the moment you’ve stepped out of the dressing stall.  “Jungkookie?”  You mean it quietly, just for the two of you, but falter when he slots his fingers between yours and all but tugs you out of the boutique.  You hardly even have a chance to toss the helpful girl an apologetic smile, imposing glass swinging shut behind you.

“Men—men are fine.  I don’t have to worry about them.”  There’s a confidence you’re so proud to see, turning his words as solid as the weight that rests against your hip, sears burning heat into your bared skin.  “No other man is going to love you better than me.  But women?”  A shudder runs the length of his imposing frame, tugs his shoulders up to his ears and tingles the small of his back.  “Women are scary.”  (It’s a sentiment he’s echoed in the past.  In particular, months ago when you’d insisted he dive into the dating scene.)

Hands thread through his too-soft strands, twirl the ends around your fingers as he speaks, nearly muffled into the crook of your shoulder.  He’s being so tender, giving you all the love he has to offer as he writes his insecurities into your skin, offers them with the wet of his tongue.

“A woman might sweep you off your feet and steal you away.”

You laugh then - sound snapping past your teeth before you can tuck it away.  It filters loudly into the baies scented candle you’d lit when you’d gotten into his apartment.  

Jungkook whines in response - a terribly endearing sound that makes you roll your eyes but only with affection (always with that) - and buries his face into your tits, sucking your nipple into his mouth with complete disregard for the tulle that acts as a barrier.  Saliva stains the material, makes it stick to your hardened bud as he laves over it with his tongue - bites surprisingly gently - and tugs it just hard enough to have you keening.

“S-s’not funny,”  he huffs, palming your other breast in his broad tattooed palm.  When he continues, he bites into you like he’s got a personal vendetta against whatever lies beneath your flesh.  “She was flirting with you.”  

It’s less of a sigh of annoyance - more sensual, drowning in need.  “She was not.”

He nips at the delicate flesh again, spreads crimson marks all across the sensitive skin until it’s a mosaic beneath the fabric, his finest work painted by his second favourite brush.  “That’s what you think but she was.”  The hand previously kneading your skin drops, flat of his palm sliding easily over your bare pussy.  

There’s zero hesitation when he slots his fingers on either side of your clit, catches the delicate pearl against the webbing of his hand and applies pressure that has you bucking beneath him.  It’s not nearly as aggressive as he normally is but it’s just as good, paired with the sinful motions of his tongue and teeth. 

“She wants to be the one doing this,”  he continues, saliva pooling across your chest, slipping into the valley of your breasts only to be licked up by the flat of his tongue.  He continues even once you’re clean, skin sticky and a little gross but so erotic it makes you quiver.  Then he descends, pushes the hem of your new slip higher, and licks another stripe from the joint of your thigh up to your belly button.  Repeats it again, moving lower with each pass until he’s sucking your clit into his mouth.  “She wants to be the one tasting this pretty, pretty pussy.”

You reach for his hand - the one somewhere near your ribs, side of his wrist soothing against the ladder of bones - and tangle your fingers together as he drives you mad, tip of his tongue switching between sweet kitten licks and tantalising figure eights.

“Baby,”  you coax, reprimand almost.  Jungkook’s never this lenient, never this sweet on you (not inside the bedroom, at least).  It brings you to a different high, his love folded into lovely origami cranes you tuck into your pockets and the spot you’ve carved out for him within your chest.

“Sing for me, sweetheart.”

He doesn’t mean literally - refers instead to the sound of your voice when it leaps three octaves, bounces between sultry and singed, burnt at the edges by the fire he brings to life. 

“Tell me you’ll never leave me.”  Despite how the words muffle, come broken between the glide of his tongue within your fluttering walls, you can hear the sincerity in them.  The earnestness that begs you to promise him this simple thing.  “Not for her.  Not for anyone.”  

“I won’t leave you,”  you answer, threading the vow between your fingers as if they’re the thread binding your love story together.  “Not for her - not for anyone.”

#anon.eml #bts drabble #bts imagine #bts au #bts fluff #bts smut bts jungkook #jungkook #jeon jeongguk #jeon jungkook #jungkook au #jungkook drabble #jungkook imagine #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #incoming.eml #work.zip #drabble.zip #devil.doc #jungkook.doc

[unholyobsessions]

the good side

Pairing: former Luke x fem!Reader, Julie x Luke

Description: In the end, you ended up hurt and Luke ended up happy

A/N: this is kinda all over the place but i actually really like it

Warnings: heartbreak, alluded depression

Word Count: 2.0k

Prompt for jatp song fic february: week 1 Romance. A failed relationship based on The Good Side by Troye Sivan. @jatpsongficfeb @dream-a-little-bigger-x @bright-molina​ 

Masterlist

Happiness

That’s the one word you would have used three months ago to describe your relationship with Luke. When seeing his smile made yours grow wider, and looking into his eyes made you fall more in love.

Complicated

The word you would have used two months ago, when the fights were a little more common than you liked to admit and both of you were hurt by words you couldn’t take back. 

Crumbling

Is what it was a month ago, when you would roll over in the morning to find Luke already gone and the silence in the apartment rang louder than the screaming matches that followed. 

Over 

Is the word you use now, as Luke packs what is left of his clothes and slams the door behind him, leaving you to fall to your knees and cry at the loss of his arms around you. The weight of the promise rings in your hand is too much and you throw them at the door. 

Heartbreak isn’t an emotion you’re unfamiliar with, you’ve had your fair share of failed relationships. But you never expected to feel this with Luke. 

Luke who told you he was going to marry you one day. Who would hold you close and whisper lyrics of love songs he had written for you, proclamations of adoration that he promised to sing to the world one day.  

You stay in the empty hallway, loud sobs racking your body until the sun starts to rise over the horizon, showering the room with a golden glow from the window. 

Your throat is burning and you can barely feel your legs, but you force yourself to get up. You head to the shower, letting the burning water pelt against your skin until it turns cold. 

Your friend comes over later that day but you can’t bring yourself to explain. She holds you close against her chest, promising that everything will get better, but you’re not sure if you believe her. There’s too many memories, too much love still in your heart that you don’t want to let go off. Letting go means accepting it’s over and deep down, you don’t want it to be. 

You stay in bed for a week, not having the strength nor the motivation to get up. Other friends come over, forcing you to eat and you do so robotically. Life doesn’t feel real. You feel as if this is all some terrible dream and when you wake up, you’ll be in Luke’s arms again. 

. . .

Luke is on Cloud 9. His fingers sting from the long hours of playing his guitar and his throat feels sore from months of singing lyrics into a microphone, only to hear people sing them back to him. 

The last not of the last song echoes in his ear and he turns around, grinning at Alex who is holding the cymbal with the tips of his fingers. Julie holds the note longer than any of them, her voice blending with the screams of the fans. Reggie is bouncing, still full of adrenaline and Luke admires him, because he is exhausted and can barely stand on his feet. 

“Thank you L.A. for making our last show one of the best, we’re Julie and the Phantoms-“ 

“Tell your friends,” the three guys join Julie for the last statement. With a final bow, they all exit the stage and in a flurry of excitement, Luke jumps on Alex’s back. This has declared the end of their first world tour and although Luke loved it, he is sure he could sleep for the next twenty years. 

He met them, the band, shortly after breaking up with you, at an open mic night. Right as his set ended, he was ambushed by his now bandmates, Alex, Reggie, and Julie, all of whom started rambling and shooting him rapid-fire questions until his head spun. He clearly remembers putting his hands up and yelling “Shut up!” Causing all three mouths to snap closed. He proceeded, “What exactly are you asking me?”

It was Julie who spoke, “We want you to join our band.” 

Everything seemed fast paced from then, it started with him meeting with them, trying out writing songs together and things just clicked. Every thought was finished by Julie, every melody completed by Reggie, every idea supported by Alex. 

And, caught in the moment, he didn’t find the time to be heartbroken, to miss you. He got over you before he even realized it and suddenly, he was falling in love again. 

Luke naturally gravitates toward Julie, orbiting around her like the earth does the sun. He can’t help it, and he’s not sure he understands it. He just finds himself longing for those small, unintentional touches, the intense eye contact during a song, the proximity of sharing a mic with her. 

Then it happens. Julie is playing a melody on the piano, and Luke is sitting next to her, eyes closed and envisioning the lyrics forming before him. Julie shifts and now her thigh is pressed against Luke’s. His eyes snap open and he turns to her, finding her already looking at him. His eyes shift down and he registers a small nod of her head, and before he can think himself out of it, he surges forward, capturing her lips in a kiss that takes both their breath away. 

They smile lovingly at each other when they pull away and then they continue writing the song. 

. . . 

You haven’t heard from Luke. Not since the door closed. You haven’t heard his voice for over a year but you recognize it as soon as you hear it on the radio. 

Step into my world

Bittersweet love story 'bout a girl

You hadn’t been paying attention to the station, or what the radio host was saying. But you know, you are so sure that it is Luke singing the song. Your heart clenches as you listen to the lyrics, ones you had never heard in your life, which means that he had written this after the breakup. Your chest aches with hope, could this be about you? Is there still some part of him that wants you back? Still loves you as much as you love him? 

It takes only a few seconds for your hope to be crushed, because a new voice starts singing, a woman’s voice. 

Here in front of me

Shining so much brighter

Than I have ever seen

And it’s stupid, because you can’t see them, the song isn’t even live. It’s a recorded studio version, most likely recorded separately, but somehow you can still feel it. 

Love. Pure unadulterated love, that this girl feels for Luke, your Luke. And that Luke feels for her. 

It crushes you. Tears starts streaming down you face and a heart-wrenching sob cuts through your throat. You pull over, ignoring the honking of the car behind you as you merge into the next lane. Straight from a movie, it starts to rain, and you change the station, not bearing to listen to the love of your life fall in love with someone else. 

The tears don’t stop coming and you turn the volume up, not wanting to hear the sound of your own anguish. You stay there for an hour, until you’ve run out of tears, and your throat feels raw. 

You somehow make your way home and as soon as your head hit the pillow, you cry yourself to sleep.

. . .

Luke saw you once, two years after you parted ways. You didn’t see him, too busy staring down at the street as your friends dragged you to a store. It was clear to anyone, but especially to him, that you were miserable. And Luke didn’t want to believe that it was because of him, despite what people say his ego isn’t that big. So he followed you, calling out to Julie, Alex, and Reggie where he was going. 

He stayed hidden, not wanting you to notice him. He was about to give up after fifteen minutes of finding out nothing, when one of his songs started booming from the store speakers. 

Luke sees you freeze and then sees your friends immediately lead you out of the store. He hides behind a rack of clothes when you walk past him and he spots a trail of tears falling down your cheeks. 

He doesn’t want to believe it, he thought you would be okay. He never expected you to not get over him. He wanted you to move on, find happiness. Just like he did. 

He doesn’t know how long he stands there, and is shocked when he feels a hand on his arm. Whirling around, he comes face to face with Julie, who has a worried look on her face. 

“Luke? You okay?” Alex and Reggie are a few steps behind her, both equally confused. 

“Yeah Jules,” he presses a kiss to her temple for good measure and she smiles up at him. “I’m just thinking about a new song.” 

. . .

It takes Luke a few minutes to register that the fans are still screaming. 

“One more! One more! One more!” Echoes through out the arena. They all look at each other, wondering if they should go out there again, and play one more song. Eventually, the love for their fans beats their tiredness and they bound back up the steps and to the stage, their instruments still there. 

“Alright L.A. we’ll give you guys one more song.” Alex says into his mic, twirling a drumstick around his fingers. Luke pulls the strap of his guitar over his body along with Reggie and Julie goes to sit on her keyboard. 

Luke leans forward on his mic, and he realizes that they didn’t discuss what song they were going to play. He turn his head and it seems that his bandmates are all thinking the same thing because they start sending each other looks. Luke is about to give his own input, but for some reason, decides to turn his head. 

What he sees knocks the breath out of him. You’re standing there, in a worn out pair of black jeans and a random t-shirt. He feels himself lean forward again, starting to speak without even consulting his band. “This next song is one that we’ve been working on,” he pauses to look at Julie. They all know what song he’s talking about, because it’s the only song he’s been able to finish in the last few months, as if the universe won’t let him write another song until he achieves closure. His girlfriend nods at him and starts playing the melody. With a small, shy smile, he looks directly at you, willing you to understand. “Hope you like it.” 

I got the good side of things

Your friend dragged you to the concert. Not telling you whose it was until you were already inside the arena. You wanted to run away and there were tears already welling up in your eyes. She pulled you to your seats and promptly scolded you, telling you that this was your chance. Your chance at closure, to finally write the ending to the Luke chapter of your life. “You won’t get over him unless you confront him,” she said. And knowing that you would never talk to him, going to his concert seemed like the best way. 

You hate to admit that she’s right. At first, you had to bite down tears and force yourself to stay, but then you find yourself getting lost in the music. You enjoy yourself and as the concert came to a close, you felt that maybe, it is possible to move on. 

But then they came back out. And every word, every lyric, every note change struck deeper and deeper within you, and as you meet Luke’s eyes, which are looking only at you, you know who the song is meant for. 

And baby, I apologize

But you can’t do it. You can’t forgive him, not yet. Maybe not ever. You can try to forget about him but the scars he left behind will always be there, as a reminder of what you lost. And as the last note comes to a close, Luke’s voice drowned out by screams, you shake your head. 

Luke’s shoulders fall but he nods, he understands. You walk away and he lets you, because what he wrote, what he just sang, still holds true. 

#jatpsongficfeb #julie and the phantoms fanfiction #julie and the phantoms fanfic #julie and the phantoms #Julie and Luke #julie molina #jatp #jatp fanfic #jatp fanfiction #luke patterson #luke x reader #luke x oc #luke patterson imagine #luke patterson x reader #luke patterson fic #luke patterson fanfiction #juke #julie and the himbos #julie and the fat ones

[jinxfirebolt18902]

What are we, then? - JJ Imagine

A/N: I fell hard into a new obsession: JJ Maybanks yes it is. So, I badly wanted to write something but had literally no ideas so I took this prompt list and made a friend choose 2 random numbers. They picked: 9. “we’re not just friends and you know it”

27. “what do you mean maybe? that was a yes or no question”

So yeah. Enjoy some angst.

Words: 2.249

Pairing: JJ x female!reader

—Don’t you fucking dare walk away from me! —JJ shouted after her.

—Watch me, asshole. —she stopped her steps and half turned her body just to give him the middle finger. Her facial expression showed the rage she felt.

Angry outbursts were pretty common between them. They’d known each other since kindergarten, a couple of years before John B came to the picture. So, their relationship was stronger, deeper. They knew each other to the bones. The gang was used to their loud yet harmless fights. JJ was short-tempered, and so was she. At the end, the fact that they shouted their opinions at each other at the moment they felt it was healthier considering they always reconciled half an hour later. 

But this time something was different. An event that had happened between them a few days earlier had changed it everything, and nothing would ever be the same. Such event was unknown by the others, and maybe that’s why they were all so confused.

The thing is, for the first time, neither of them were spitting their feelings out. And oh boy it did cause a lot of misunderstandings.

She and JJ decided to shelter from Agatha at John B’s place. It was no news JJ tried to avoid his house as much as possible. She always convinced her parents of letting her go with them as JJ was considered another son and spent a lot of time at hers, and they also wanted their daughter to be a good friend to John B after his dad went missing. Once her throat burned due to her shouting at John B to get his ass out of the ocean in the middle of a hurricane she gave up and waited for them to come back. Luckily JJ found a little sense within his logic and convinced John B of getting out of the water as the storm was way too heavy.

At the Chateau, they cooked some noodles and ate between anecdotes and candles due to the lack of power. Around 3 in the morning Agatha was still blowing, a few cans of beer empty were around the coffee table, she and JJ were sprawled on the sofa bed and John B asleep in his bedroom. The pair was listening to I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing from her phone as they heard the wind and thunder outside. They’d smoked a blunt and were then absorbed in the flame of the candle in front of them.

Her pupils were dilated and she couldn’t feel his eyes on her. Or at least that’s what he thought.

—Staring is rude dude… —She voiced out loud, but softly, in a sleepy state.

He let out a short laugh and then directed his sight to the candle. —You’re so mean to me.

Now it was her turn to laugh. —Yeah, so?

He gently pushed her arm and then let his head fall on her shoulder, his blonde locks tickling her skin. She rested her head on his and closed her eyes but a moment later he looked up and set his eyes on her face, more serious this time. Her eyes locked with his.

—What? —she said in a whisper.

But he was at a loss of words, which didn’t happen often. They just got in a trance where a lot of emotions were in each pair of eyes with a classic love song in the back. At a certain moment his gaze moved down to her lips and his breath stuck in his throat. JJ was never a shy one when it came to girls. His ego, not confidence, always led situations smoothly. But for the first time in his life, he had no clue what he was doing. It’s not like they hadn’t shared alone moments like this before, they always had. The amount of trust between them had no comparison. They were totally sincere with each other, since they’d met there was not a thing they didn’t know about each other. 

JJ leaned in and stopped closing the distance just when there were 2 millimeters left to create contact. His blue orbits checked for permission with hers first. She didn’t move at all. He took that as a green light and collided his mouth with hers.

The kiss was soft, and meaningful. Yes, they had a couple of beers running through their veins, and yes also a little of weed into their systems yet they felt like time stopped. It was like the Universe was created for this and only this moment. They felt everything around them vanished. It felt right, just like when you fit the last piece of the puzzle.

The sound of a lightning striking near their location pulled them apart. They shared one more look though this one was loaded with a bit of embarrassment. The moment got kinda awkward and they dealt with it by pretending what happened did not actually happen. She turned around and he cuddled her like they always did.

The next morning John B woke up first, walking from his bedroom to the porch, catching the pair of friends peacefully sleeping in each other’s arms. He ruffled JJ’s hair asking him if he’d been outside yet only earning a groan as a response. Hours later she woke up and went home without talking to her best friend about the intimate moment they’d shared. 

A few days later they threw the kegger, there happened strike one. JJ eventually disappeared with a smokin’ hot tourist, which did not go unnoticed by her. She’d seen JJ go from a clumsy kiddo to the sex symbol boy, she’d been there through the beginning to the end of his puberty, she knew better than even bother by his multiple random hookups. Still, after the intense look he had given her before kissing her had left her somewhat overwhelmed. And the fact that they had shared such a passionate moment together days ago made her actually uncomfortable at witnessing JJ get it with some other girl. This was brand new for her, literally she had never been jealous of the blonde. Oh and, one more time, feelings were bottled up.

Strike two took place at The Wreck when the group was in for a fast food meal. They’d gone inside towards their usual table while Kie went to the kitchen. The boys were just sitting when she was approached by Tom, a pogue, with a “Hey, how have you been?” to which she replied with a genuine smile. The boy had had a crush on her since middle school. He was kinda cute, light brown hair, green eyes, a couple of freckles under his eyes and on his nose. And he was nice, a good guy really. Her mom always wanted them to date but she didn’t find the chemistry reciprocated. And JJ had secretly been relieved by that. Not because he wanted her romantically or anything like that but because he dreaded the time she’d got a boyfriend and stopped hanging out with him. Tom asked her to go surfing with him the next day and she agreed, partly because she hadn’t surfed in weeks, and partly because she had bottled her jealousy at the kegger and kind of wanted to hit it back to JJ, as she was completely aware of how JJ felt towards Tom. Through the corner of her eye she caught JJ’s irritable gesture when she accepted the invitation.

A week after the secret kiss, the gang was at John B’s hanging out. By now, the tension between the two was clear to everyone, and their friends knew an explosion was coming soon. They weren’t teasing the hell out of each other as they usually did. They weren’t sitting next to each other in the boat as they usually did. And they also were hitting each other every chance they got, like when she had smacked his head from behind in the afternoon that same day when they were at the beach and the blonde was flirting with a girl, ruining their moment. Or when she was going to the fridge to seek for a beer can and he was coming out of it and shove his elbow into her arm, earning a gasp and a scowl.

—Yo! What is your problem dude? —her voice denoted she was at the edge which only pleased the blonde even more making him smile.

Kie and John B shared a look as Pope sighed resignedly foreseeing what was coming.

—Maybe the fact that you ruined my moment today.

She scoffed and walked past him rolling her eyes. —Yeah, sure. Cause you have so much trouble slutting around with everything that walks.

—Uhhh, excuse me. Do you have a problem with it? 

Their friends sighed and walked out to the porch in order to give them space and to be honest, they were not in the mood to witness another of their fights so they rather stargaze outside while the two sorted it out.

—Oh no, be my guest bro. I’m just sayin’ why do you call me out on “ruining your moment” when you can have “your moments” whenever you want.

He smiled sarcastically and looked down at the floor before lifting up his gaze to her. —You’ve been a pain in the ass the whole week, you are the one with a problem obviously.

—I am not. I’ve been the pain in the ass? Are you sure? Cause someone else comes to my mind. —she rolled her eyes and exhaled loudly as she let herself fall on the couch and took a sip of her drink.

—You’re unbelievable.—Did you mean it?

He looked at her in confusion. —What?

—You know what. Did you mean it?

He shrugged his shoulders and looked down to hide the light blush of his cheeks. —Maybe.

Strike three, you’re out.

—Maybe? What do you mean maybe? That was a yes or no question.

—I-I don’t know —his hand went to grab his hair. —Maybe.

—Forget it. —she stood up and he freaked out.

—What? Are you in your period or something?

That’s when she stormed off the Chateau fuming.

The sound of the slammed door got the other three’s attention, turning their heads to look at the person walking away.

—Don’t you fucking dare walk away from me! —JJ shouted after her.

—Watch me, asshole. —she stopped her steps and half turned her body just to give him the middle finger. Her facial expression showed the rage she felt.

After a few minutes John B, Pope and Kiara all got up and went inside to find JJ standing in the middle of the room with a hand grabbing his hair and with the other holding a beer, looking down at an invisible point on the floor.

—What did you do? —Kie asked him with furrowed eyebrows.

JJ grimaced and sighed. —I might have said the period line… —Kie let her head fall backwards and took a deep breath. —Of course you did…

—That’s just a dick move. Anyway, what is going on between you two? You’ve been annoying all week. —John B voiced.

But he only closed his eyes and breathed out heavily.

Hours later the surfer skated all the way to her house. He threw some rocks at her window to wake her but after a few minutes nothing happened, then he noticed a shadow on the roof, next to one of the windows of the big house. He climbed up and jumped from the tree to the roof, a few feet away from her. She was hugging her knees and staring right ahead with her chin resting on her arms. There were no signs of remaining anger, just plain tiredness, and a touch of sadness. He caught that in her eyes, he knew her so well, and it made his heart sunk to know he had caused it. He cleared his throat and dried his palms on his shorts. He felt nervous and it caused his hands to sweat.

—I’m sorry.

She blinked slowly but kept her gaze set ahead. He felt ashamed by his behaviour.

—We’re not just friends and you know it. —now he did get her attention.

She just smiled and rolled her eyes changing her pose, resting her palms on the roof and leaning her core weight on them.

—What are we exactly, then..? —she was teasing him and he smiled sweetly. He nudged her and they both laughed. A second later he looked down and bit his lip deep in thought. She turned her head to look at him.

—You’re everything to me. —he said quietly, still not daring to lift his sight. —I never want to lose you. —he said with an expression of pain on his beautiful face. She furrowed her brows and hugged him. —You never will, idiot. Have I ever given up on you? —she whispered near his cheek due to the hug. His eyes filled with forbidden tears. He nodded no with his head as he didn't trust his voice. Her smile grew wider and she kissed his cheek softly. —See? I’m always there with you. Every day, every week, every year. You’re not getting rid of me that easily. —he half laughed half sobbed and immediately cleaned the tears forcefully with the back of his hand. She held him tighter and he put his head on her.

—So, I guess the answer is yes, I meant it. 

#jj x reader #jj mayback x reader #jj obx #jj imagine #jj maybank imagine

[shimmersing]

Constellation

Part One | Part Two | Interlude | Part Three

Rating: General Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: F/M, Gen Relationships: Female Jedi Consular | Barsen'thor/Male Republic Trooper, Jedi Consular | Barsen'thor/Republic Trooper Characters: Female Jedi Consular | Barsen'thor, Jedi Consular | Barsen'thor, Qyzen Fess, Yuon Par, Parkanas Tark-Lord Vivicar Additional Tags: Angst, Tython, Emotional, Mentioned Mutual Pining, Fluffy, Sad, Melancholy

Returning to Tython after shielding the last master suffering from Vivicar's Force plague, Aitahea is faced with more struggle in her efforts to heal the Order and keep the Force in balance. Tired, injured, and longing for someone she can't have, perhaps ever, the lines of her responsibility as a Jedi and her own convictions begin to blur. As Aitahea nears the end of her quest to save Yuon Par and the other Jedi Masters, she’s confronted with painful revelations and answers that only give rise to more questions. Shouldering the lives and minds of Jedi across the galaxy – alone – may prove to be more than Aitahea can bear. AN: Welcome back! This story follows shortly after the events in Best Intentions and closes out Chapter One of the Consular storyline for Aitahea (and Erithon, peripherally). The one-shot, first-person piece Impending occurs in the interim between Parts 2 and 3. Thank you and enjoy! *Now with paragraphs in proper order!*

Part One

Aitahea trembled next to Satele Shan on the bridge of the transport, fingers pressed to her lips while starlines streaked past.

“What troubles you, little one?”

The girl dropped her hands to her sides without looking at Master Satele, keeping her gaze focused on the soothing radiance of hyperspace. “Nothing, Master. How long until we reach Alderaan?”

“Soon now, Aitahea.” Satele dropped to one knee and placed a hand on the child’s shoulder. “You’ll be safe there. Your training will continue. We need you to be strong for the Order. For our future.”

She drew in a deep breath. “I know, Master Satele. I am strong.” But beneath her robes, her stomach flipped and flopped.

Aitahea trembled next to pilot Prelsiava Tern on the bridge of the Luminous, fingers pressed to her lips while they slipped from the grasp of Alderaan’s gravity.

“What’s got your head turned around, Jedi?”

The Jedi dropped her hands to her sides without looking at her friend, watching as the once-familiar constellations blurred out of sight. “Nothing, Sia. How long until we’re underway?”

As usual, her pilot’s concern was genuine, attending in a gently cavalier way that often left Aitahea feeling uplifted. “As soon as we clear the gravity well; just a few more minutes.”

Qyzen had no such compunction, his words blunt as a training saber. “Soldier remains forefront in your thoughts, but past also. Put these away so we may focus on Yuon. Both mate and memories will wait until dark thing is vanquished.”

“I have every int-” Aitahea choked at the sudden comprehension of Qyzen’s words, face flushing a bright rose. Sia craned her head around the pilot’s seat to grin at Aitahea with unabashed glee. Aitahea shrugged at the Mirialan woman and turned to Qyzen. “Excuse me… mate?”

“Herald’s Republic lieutenant, met on Taris. Thought perhaps you’d accepted as mate on Alderaan,” Qyzen mused. Sia whistled low and turned back to the pilot’s console, doing an impromptu and quite thorough safety check of the seat’s crash webbing.

The Jedi took a deep, calming breath, the carefully measured motion keeping her from bursting into terribly unsuitable laughter.

If Qyzen noticed her discomfiture, he gave no sign. “Human emotions strange; sad one moment, amused next.”

Aitahea primly lifted her chin, focusing seriously on her friend. “Forgive me; I apologize for the, ah, unexpected level of emotion. But no, Erithon-” She paused to frown and clear her throat. “The lieutenant and I don’t have… we aren’t what you’re presuming.”

Qyzen squinted in what she had learned to recognize as wry skepticism, usually reserved for someone they were facing in conflict.

Aitahea swallowed, nodded. “We have work to do.”

Sia waved over a shoulder. “Hey, call from Tython on the holo.”

Grateful for the diversion, Aitahea swiftly moved to escape the bridge. “Thank you, Sia. I’ll take it in the common room, please.”

After a few moments, Master Syo flickered into view, looking pleased when Aitahea entered the shared space.

“Master Sidonie just checked in. She seems well but very frustrated with herself.” Aitahea briefly wondered if her own demeanor was similar, though for distinctly different reasons. “She reports that you were able to prevent war from breaking out on Alderaan, however. You’ve once again done exceptional work in a tense situation, Aitahea.”

Despite the obvious praise, Aitahea winced. She had been painfully unsettled by Master Sidonie’s baseless accusations, despite their depraved falsity. They’d sounded conspicuously familiar, another voice confirming all the cynical criticisms Aitahea most dreaded. Unspeakable consequences lurked behind every failure, and Aitahea was certain she would fracture under the burden of responsibility, despite everyone’s blithe confidence. All so certain of her, save Aitahea herself.

And she would never breathe a syllable of it to the people depending on her. She couldn’t. Instead, she slid into a default stillness and bowed her head. “I relied on the teachings of the Jedi,” she insisted, voice trembling through the half-truth.

Master Syo beamed. “A mark of a true Jedi – being able to trust in the Force in all circumstances.”

Aitahea shuddered and hoped the motion wouldn’t be seen in the grainy holo.

Oblivious to her struggle, Master Syo continued. “Tell me, did you learn anything about the plaguemaster, Lord Vivicar?”

“I’m sorry. No new intel came from Master Sidonie.”

“She was the last of the lost Masters, and yet Vivicar still eludes us,” he mused, then waved a hand and refocused on Aitahea. “Return to us here on Tython immediately, and we will discuss what you have learned. Lord Vivicar cannot remain hidden forever.”

Aitahea’s heart leapt. She’d longed for the comfort of Tython for months; now, the call seemed almost too good to be true. Unable to trust her voice, she bowed, lifting her eyes again in time to see Master Syo’s benevolent smile. “Come home, Jedi.”

When her boots touched Tython’s sacred ground – even the metallic plates of the Temple’s shuttle pad – Aitahea felt suffused with new hope. The home of the Jedi never failed to welcome her, making her role in the galaxy apparent and her relationship to the Force simple and effortless. Even breathing felt easier.

Master Syo Bakarn, Master Jaric Kaedan, and Grand Master Satele Shan were waiting when Aitahea arrived at the Council chamber with Qyzen. The rest of the crew had opted to stay in orbit while the Jedi and Trandoshan shuttled to the surface.

“Welcome home,” said Master Syo, leaning forward to offer the greeting. Aitahea bowed low to her mentor, wondering silently if Yuon would be join the meeting as well.

Master Jaric was quicker to the point. “I wish we could greet you with better news.”

Master Satele nodded her own welcome. “Despite using every resource available to us, we’re no closer to finding Lord Vivicar.”

Aitahea, buoyant on the glory of Tython, took a bold step forward and offered her final, horrible theory. “Actually, I believe we are. A common thread binds all the plague victims: the loss of Parkanas Tark at Malachor Three. Vivicar’s influence forced the infected Masters to relive their failures on Malachor.”

The Council’s Force signatures and facial expressions were meticulously shielded with more years of experience than Aitahea could rightly grasp, but even so, emotion in the room spiked, rattling her earnest calm. She continued, her voice hushed. “This is revenge, personal revenge. Only one man would have that much anger and pain. The man who was left behind.”

She hesitated; her next words could unravel everything else she’d accomplished, but unless she spoke the truth, the plague would never end. “I believe Lord Vivicar is Parkanas Tark.”

Master Jaric shook his head in disbelief. “Jedi.” He pinned Aitahea with a steely gaze, and she was certain that her suggestion had indeed gone too far. “Parkanas Tark is dead.” Aitahea took a breath -

“Far from it, Jaric.” Yuon strode into the council chamber, feisty as ever. On the edge of panic, Aitahea broke into an enormous smile that her Master returned with a gracious nod. Even Qyzen, silent until now, uttered a brief growl of approval and welcome.

“Yuon?” Satele demanded, half-rising to address the other Master, exasperation coloring her words. “I told those Padawans to keep an eye on you. You must rest!”

“No. My pupil -” Yuon paused at Aitahea’s side, placing a hand on her last Padawan’s shoulder, “My fellow Jedi deserves to hear the truth about Malachor.”

Aitahea winced, noting the dark shadows under Yuon’s eyes; only one of the victims could explain the twisted path that lay both behind and before them. They all needed the truth. “Don’t speak more than you must.”

Yuon gave Aitahea a wan smile, then continued, turning to address the Council. “Malachor Three isn’t just strong in the dark side; the planet is the resting place of Terrak Morrhage. Our work on Malachor woke Morrhage’s spirit. One by one, we fell under his power. The things we did… still haunt me.”

Yuon shuddered; Aitahea reached for her in concern. Realization clicked into place, and she paused before laying a comforting hand on Yuon’s shoulder. “Somehow, you broke free of Morrhage’s power.”

The Master composed herself and nodded to her Padawan. “Yes. Together, we managed to break his control, but at a terrible cost.” Yuon’s voice grew soft, then broke over the last few syllables. She kept her gaze to the side, as if afraid to look into Aitahea’s eyes. “Parkanas was the youngest and weakest. We had to abandon him to Malachor’s darkness. His sacrifice allowed the rest of us to escape. But it seems he survived and took Morrhage’s dark path.”

“You couldn’t have predicted this,” Aitahea insisted in a pained whisper.

With fierce determination, Yuon shook her head. “I must make amends.” She seemed more vulnerable than ever, perhaps even more so than in the worst throes of her affliction. “I have a plan to help you find Vivicar.”

The Council looked worriedly at each other, and even Aitahea shook her head, uncertain how to respond. “How?”

“If the plague created a link between my mind and his, your shielding ability may allow me to use that link to find him.”

Master Syo stood, his disapproval and worry dimming the Force in the room. “No. You’re already weak from the plague, Yuon. This could kill you.”

But Yuon’s eyes, finally meeting Aitahea’s, were pleading. Aitahea wondered, had her Master’s suffering truly begun with the plague, or had it been long before that? She wasn’t certain she was ready for dealing with either answer, but her path, her role, was to serve. Releasing her Master, her teacher, her friend from this plague surely was of equal importance with stopping Morrhage.

If the work served both purposes, it would be worth it, more than worth it. “Vivicar won’t get the chance,” she said to both Yuon and the stunned Council. “I will stand between him and my Master.”

Yuon’s gratitude was palpable. She turned to the Council, earnest and energized. “It’s our best chance to find Vivicar.”

Qyzen spoke up. “Yuon is fearless and wise – a true hunter, like Herald.”

Aitahea wasn’t certain she agreed, but the Trandoshan’s support could only bolster their position.

Syo eased back into his seat. “Very well,” he said, sighing. “But we will monitor the ritual, and your former Padawan must stay at your side.”

“Of course, Master,” Aitahea said, and offered Yuon an encouraging smile.

“Thank you, Syo,” Yuon said, punctuating with a bow to the entire Council before turning back to Aitahea. “I will go to the meditation chamber to prepare. Please meet me there when you are ready.”

“I’ll be fine, Qyzen; it’s just a short way from the Temple. There’s no safer place in the galaxy.”

“Even from own thoughts, Herald?”

“Let her go, just as you always did for me,” said Yuon, smiling impishly at Aitahea as she approached. “This Jedi knows her own mind.”

“Master, I know you have much to prepare. I don’t intend to go far to meditate, just a little away from the temple, so I might not be disturbed.” Aitahea couldn’t quite raise her eyes to meet Yuon’s, glancing instead toward the tree-lined paths of the outer grounds. Since Aitahea had first arrived on Tython, the issues of refugees, Flesh Raiders, and rogue Force users had been mostly resolved. The forests surrounding the temple were secure, if not precisely safe. Aitahea had played no small part in several of those events and recalled them as experiences of tremendous growth as a Padawan. Yuon seemed to agree.

“Off with you now! I’ve enough for this old friend to help me with; you must make your own preparations,” she stated, ushering Qyzen ahead in a way only Yuon Par was capable of, while waving Aitahea away from the temple grounds. “Go!”

Yuon seemed uncharacteristically upbeat, perhaps even giddy. It’s just that we’re so close to the end of this journey. I’d feel the same, if I weren’t so… her thoughts trailed off as Qyzen and Yuon turned back toward the temple, good-naturedly chiding each other on the perception of stuffy behavior.

Aitahea chanced a smile and wave in reply, inhaling sharply to keep tears from spilling from her stinging eyes. She turned to one of the well-worn paths, tread smooth by the growing residents of the Jedi Temple, their minders and masters, and visitors such as herself.

No, this is home, she thought urgently. Master Syo welcomed me home. I am home. She raised her hood and quickened her pace, rushing by several curious initiates.

Aitahea dashed across the bridge and toward the stream just beyond the grounds. There was a spur of rock suspended over one of the smaller falls. She hadn’t been there in years, her training with Yuon so often off-world or in remote areas. There were usually a few uxibeast grazing in the shade, unbothered so long as they could eat in peace.

She was obligated to ford the shallows to the opposite bank of the stream in order to reach the outcropping. Aitahea considered a simple leap over the stream; a nudge of the Force would keep her robes and boots dry.

Instead, she left her boots with her outer robe folded carefully beside them and now stood at the water’s edge considering the communicator in her hand. She shouldn’t be needed for the brief hour she had to prepare for Yuon’s desperate ritual; who in the galaxy would need to contact her who wasn’t planetside? Was there anyone she needed to talk to privately? Tember? Her parents?

Aitahea fiercely dismissed the memory of Erithon’s smiling face that clamored for her attention, fingers trembling as she thumbed through her contacts to his entry. The hard lump lodged in her throat was the only thing that kept her from pressing the call button.

Cold water splashed over her toes; the nearest uxibeast lowed. Shaking her head, Aitahea unceremoniously shoved the commlink into one of her boots and waded into the water, gasping at the freezing temperature.  She splashed across, only slightly questioning her sanity, and padded gingerly up the rock spur on icy toes.

The perch afforded a stunning view of the Temple and grounds, but distance allowed a certain privacy. Aitahea sat at the edge of the outcropping, watching the practiced motions of lightsaber training, but the clashing sounds of those sparring were lost beneath the roar of water. Some in groups, others in isolation, all went about their various practices: meditating, channeling, seeking to understand more of the Force in myriad ways.

Everything will be fine, Aitahea assured herself, bringing her knees up to her chest and closing her eyes. We’re so close to finishing this. Maybe even saving Parkanas Tark if he can just be released from Morrhage’s dark control. Victory is close. Just a little longer.

Aitahea dropped her head into her arms and sobbed, the cries lost in the rush of the waterfall below.

Constellation: Part One | Part Two | Interlude | Part Three

#swtor fanfiction #swtor fanfic #jedi consular #star wars the old republic #fanfiction #fanfic #a03 #oc: aitahea daviin #yuon par #jedi council #angsty