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#me in the keiji angst

owlyflufff · 7 months

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the shipping spectrum truly is just "the idle fleeting thought that he was a star crossed my mind" "It's not impossible just very hard!" "Bokuto-san" "AGHASHEEEEE" "we are the protagonists of the world"

"smile spikey, you look better when you smile" "he is reason enough for me to fight" "I made a friend, he ain't as dumb as I am" "don't worry, I'm a friend of Nicholas" "after all was said and done, I wanted to share my tomorrows with him"

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gaoau · 5 months

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The Girl Upstairs

Loud noises that came from the ceiling; sometimes every night, sometimes once a month. A quiet girl whose toes were as light as cotton or as heavy as lead. "Maybe it was the wind," she used to say.

pairing — Akaashi Keiji x fem!reader warnings — sensitive topics; mental instability; self harm; blood; suicide; death.

01. Friday 5th — Shattered Glass 02. Monday 8th — Cold Morning Meeting 03. Tuesday 9th — Nocturne Onomatopoeias 04. Tuesday 9th — [Surname] [Name] 05. Sunday 14th — To Avoid Silence 06. Sunday 14th — The Heat of Warmth 07. Wednesday 17th — Asking for a Favor 08. Friday 2nd — Loud as Thunder 09. Friday 2nd — The Dots Connect 10. Saturday 10th — Explanations Overdue 11. Sunday 11th — The Truth Among the Lies 12. Sunday 11th — A Glimpse Into Her Mind 13. Sunday 11th — “Neighbors Should Look Out for Each Other” 14. Thursday 15th — Together 15. Saturday 24th — A Lunch of Sighs 16. Wednesday 5th — Happy Birthday 17. Monday 17th — A Joyful Afternoon Practice 18.Thursday 27th — The Road to Nationals 19. Tuesday 1st — When There’s No Future 20. Friday 11th — The Girl Upstairs 00. Afterword

"Maybe it was the wind," she smiled. And although the wind could whistle, it would never sob.

[ originally written: 11/02/2020 - 21/04/2020 ]

#The Girl Upstairs #Masterlist #Haikyuu #Akaashi Keiji #Akaashi Keiji x Reader #Kuroo Tetsurou x Reader #Bokuto Koutarou x Reader #Konoha Akinori x Reader #Haikyuu x Reader #Angst #shoutout to monster high #its a little ugly but im still proud of it #please let me know if you cried

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torhues · 1 year

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akaashi keiji.

tw . death and grieving

they say, we value something the most when it's gone.

akaashi doesn't know why those words resonate with him.

he doesn't have a lot of offer, not at all. akaashi keiji, in fact, doesn't have anything to give or lose, his hands are empty. he has a mediocre job and a mediocre life, a mediocre apartment with some mediocre flowers in the mediocre vase a friend gave him as a congratulatory gift on graduation day. he has same mediocre thoughts and books, tropes and genres, no new thought in a while; akaashi, actually, has more to accept than to lose.

to think, he has always been on the receiving end of life.

good grades made their way to him almost too easily, his looks served as a way for confessions to find their route to him as well. being an only child gave him the privilege to have everything to himself rather than sharing it with someone. akaashi isn't half mean, or selfish, or careless, or anything that people like him could be. he still keeps the fountain pen bokuto gave him on the last day of highschool even though it's nib had broken. there's a scarf in his cupboard, one made by his late aunt who died of lymphoma, it's torn, yarns peeping out of the knits. it's kept intact in a fancy red box.

akaashi has always received a lot, so much that he hasn't dealt with loss, to such an extent that he has never been on the other end. but his hands feel empty. in the silence suffocating him, sitting on a chair with his head hung low, the floor looks so pretty. there's a faint reflection of him on the tiles, then his eyes land on his hands.

his hands feel empty.

maybe it's the timing that has been making him feel this way. perhaps, it's the location, the empty hospital room and the empty streets, the empty hallway, the empty hours, the lack of something and abundance of everything— it's making him go insane. it's fine, he tells himself, a hospital can make one feel that way.

akaashi looks over at the empty bed, the white sheets and the white walls all around. his gaze shifts to the now shut down heart monitor, the pillow you had rested your head upon until this afternoon, the lilies in the bouquet he got your this morning, they've wilted. he should be packing up your stuff. your clothes, the blanket you've always adored and the books you made him read all these days while you were lying on the now empty hospital bed.

occasionally, he tries to convince himself that this is a dream. that you're here, somewhere, perhaps at work or at the nursery, maybe out for shopping with a friend or at your parent's house because you've been missing them lately. akaashi imagines himself waiting for you at the station or the bus stand or the airport, smiling like a fool because he hasn't seen you in days and finally he can have you close to him, his lips on yours, your hand in his,

but now, his hands feel emptier.

akaashi, once again, looks over at the empty bed. the image of you lying on it slips in his mind— weak and exhausted, too miserable to even lift your hand. the you that has been greeting him with a crooked smile for the last three weeks. the part of you that cries when no one is around a pretends to be fine when he accidently walks in on you. you who had been living off on tubes and blood transfusions, who smells like medicines and antiseptics, who's eyes, even while fighting to their life, didn't run out of love.

akaashi has always been on the receiving end. his chest feels heavy, his vision is blurry, he feels lonely; akaashi doesn't know what he had lost.

he can't put it in words.

they say, we value something the most when it's gone. akaashi doesn't understand why those words keep popping up in his mind as a reminder. he's not like that, he knows how much to mean to him. he adored you— still does— has never taken you, or your love, for granted.

what about the people who know the worth?

he sniffs, because he knew. akaashi knows he loves you more than anything else in this entire world and, tried his best to hold onto you; little by little, thread by thread, holding by the end of the rope even if it means standing at the edge of the knife.

losing something, isn't it so much worse for them?

akaashi believes there's penance in yearning, there's pain in giving too much of your heart. you've always been on the giving end, and it scared him because, what if he's not enough? what if he isn't even giving you even a quarter of what he's receiving, because in the end, nothing in the world could compensate for short fall.

did i not love you enough?

he thinks of the times where instead of all this, he had you. life was exquisitely simple, and you were desperately happy. where instead of heavy silence, the room was filled with your laughter, where his hands weren't empty for yours always found their way to his'. he thinks of the days when he'd spend his evenings with you, strolling in the park or while taking a walk by the beach. right now, he feels alone, as if it's just him and pieces of shared moments with you, lingering in the air.

akaashi hasn't never dealt with loss, but losing you made him lose everything he ever had.

#♡ hues'.#♡ handmade.#akaashi keiji #haikyuu #akaashi x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu akaashi #haikyuu angst #akaashi angst #haikyuu fic #akaashi fic #haikyuu headcanons #akaashi headcanons #haikyuu drabbles #akaashi drabbles #hq angst #IM SORRY FOR ANOTHER ANGST #IN MY DEFENCE I CANNOT COME UP WITH ANYTHING ELSE #also this sounds monotonous me thinks

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bandtrees · 11 months

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my opinion on the manga-to-anime mogami arc adaptation changes depending on who im talking to. when it’s people who lament them getting rid of the more brutal parts i have my whole speech about how mogami shouldn’t be this cartoonishly violent strawman who just wants to play dirty and an important part of his character is that, while he’s wrong, he has genuine points that mob needs to hear that help further his development through the season and that’s better expressed when mogamiland is more down to earth and realistic and not just senselessly brutal and knife twisting

however when it’s people who discredit the arc just because of its darker tone and because bad things happen to mob i just go like “YOU KNOW WHAT? THEY SHOULDV KILLED TWO CATS”

#babbles #mp100 #mp100 meta #ig #mob psycho 100 #mogami arc #keiji mogami #picked this from stuff sammi says cuz we go on this bit a lot lol bless em #also it does bug me when people just treat mogami like he’s pulling shit out of his ass #cuz his presence is more than just’bad guy mob needs to Prove Wrong’#they learn from eachother!!! mogami tells mob advice he needs to hear and mob makes him become a better person next time we see him #obviously not great by any means nor do i even think mogami’s RIGHT but. idk i don’t like ppl just making him #Look At This Wrong Evil Bad Guy Doing Wrong Evil Things n making him like generic angst torture machine #he has a personality and strong morals and that’s a very important thing about him #he’s not just a Bad Guy(tm) you can slot anywhere for Le Angst #sorry i love mogami I have demons.

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your-local-baguette · 10 months

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~Shades of blue~

Silky smooth black hair was blown back by the breeze going through the open window of this litterature class. Spring came around once again, the pink leaves and petals flowing around at the same rhythm of the wind. The scenery was quite admirable, but it wasn't a rare one, in fact, it had barely changed for the past years. Tons of students could be seen walking on the path waving in between the blossom trees. Celebration were heard from the halls, everyone left the school grounds with ecstasy. The black jet haired male was probably one of the only ones left in the building. Most had left, school was over for two months, who in their right mind would stay here ? That would be a certain setter with a delicate and attractive appearance. What was he doing ? He didn't know, but it felt right to stay, he felt like he needed to wait for something or someone. He impatiently tapped his foot, but no one ever came, it had been an hour since the bell announcing the end of class had rung. He slowly closed his eyes, taking in one last breath of fresh air before sighting and turning back to the litterature class he was previously in. It felt like he forgot something, he couldn't pint point what, but it felt wrong to leave. He did anyway, chasing away this thought, occupying his mind with questions like;

How will i spend my summer ?

What can i do to be better at volleyball ?

It didn't last long before his mind was empty of thoughts, no worries, no plans, nothing. Quite relaxing, he looked up at the sky, admiring the shade of blue that stretched there over what seemed to be endless.

A familiar head was waiting for him at the entrance of Fukurodani, she had the usual uniform. White long boots ran up to her knees, a red eyeliner enhanced her bright eyes. Glossy lips but nothing too intense, the setter smiled at the sight of his significant other, he kept on walking toward her.

Her hair was dancing with the breeze of the mid spring, a daisy hairpin resting on the side of her face. A smile graced her lips, her irises pierced through the setter's ocean looking ones.

His cerulean eyes could catch anyone elses, but [eye color ] caught his, both pair were forever locked into eachothers. Fingers gradually interlocked with their twins, holding onto eachothers tightly.

The girls hand made its way to the man's inky hair, his hands wondered on her hips. Lips closing like magnets, they joined in a loving kiss, one that both lovers had awaited since the morning. It lingered on both their mind, lovers staring into eachothers abyss like eyes, forehead pressed against eachother, an intimate moment between the two.

The girl tilted back her head, tugging on the man's hand, guiding him on the way to his home. He followed, steps synchronised, they walked in a peaceful quietness, morning glories waved from left to right on the side of the sidewalk. They all had different colors but the indigo shade had caught the girl eye. She reached out to it, gently picking it up, it's color matched her lovers eyes, she slid it on top of his ear. The flower enhancing his already delicate features, the male's eyes widened in shock, his fingers softly brushed the petals of the morning glory, it's texture reminding of his significant other dulcet voice. He smiled, a genuine one, one you would very rarely see of akaashi face. How long has it veen since he offered anyone this smile, one that warmed up [ your name ] heart.

Why did this moment felt unreal, he absolutely didn't know. The scenery of behind slowly faded to a completely different one. But it wasn't brought to hus attention right away, his attention at the moment was caught up in these eyes that were emptied of emotion at a painfully leisurely pace. But yet, a smile still graced the female's lips, her cheek faded away, until only her hand was reaching for the inky haired man. As hard as he tried to reach out for that hand, his body completely refused to move.

Let me go Keiji...

Tears poured down the setter's procelain skin, he looked at his surroundings. Nothing left of you, just an endless field of different flowers. One that looked oh too familiar to no one but himself, was that what he saw in you ? Endless difference between each shades of blue, it felt, so peaceful, quietness ruled over this placed. Such a tranquil and soothing place, he could hear his own heart beat. He felt at-peace here, in the endless conflict-free field of your faded heart. One he managed to get the key too....

But never would he let go....

#this shit took me three hours and a half #akaashi keiji #akaashi angst #akaashi x reader #haikyu #haikyu x reader #angst #blue #peace #keiji x reader #y/n #fanfiction #fanfic #flowers #haikyuu #oneshot

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lilimonarch · 6 months

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Doctor Hanahaki - The Memories that Never Return [29+30+31]

Doctor Hanahaki Prequel: Whumptober Spinoff!

Whumptober day 29: "What happened to me?" Whumptober day 30: Lyric prompt. Whumptober day 31: Emptiness, setbacks, "take it easy," and lyric prompt.

It happens, It's okay to say 'I'm not okay,' even if you thought you were getting better

"Akaashi! I'm here! Hey! What's..." Bokuto pauses as he enters Akaashi's hospital room, seeing the hospital bed empty and Akaashi holding onto the IV pole for dear life, shaking in the body that was half the size it was a few months ago, standing near the side of the bed. It didn't make sense, the oxygen tubes were going to be holding him back anyways, getting up was-

Bokuto realized the words before they came out of his mouth. Getting up was pointless, but admitting that meant admitting Akaashi was never going to recover. "Woah, Akaashi? Come on, back to bed." Bokuto rushes over to Akaashi, removing his grip on the pole and carrying him back to bed like carrying a small child. It pained him deep in his chest, how Akaashi weighed like a small child, how easy he was to carry now. "Why'd you get up, 'Kaashi? You know you can't-"

"I thought I was getting better..." Akaashi mumbled, laying in the bed as petals fell from his mouth, closing his eyes. "I..." he paused before staring Bokuto down. "I got an email yesterday."

Bokuto shook his head. "Akaashi, why are you checking your email? Take it easy, you should be resting-"

"My scholarship was revoked," he whispered, and with those words, the room ended in silence. Akaashi couldn't help the coughs filled with bloody cherry blossoms, he couldn't help that he was sick, and he couldn't help the fact that stray tears poured down his face. "I'm not okay anymore... and they know that too."

"That's bullshit," Bokuto got up, pacing back and forth. "They can't just take it like that, you had no control over it! That's your school, Akaashi. That's yours, you worked your butt off for that and so just because you need some time off, they get rid of you?" He was outraged, internally and externally. He swore, the next time he saw the admissions officer, he was going to punch him in the-

"Some time?" Akaashi chuckled, the laughs turning into a coughing fit which calmed Bokuto down completely. Akaashi was sad... depressed. Bokuto hated that. Akaashi deserved happiness, and here they were, his life falling apart out of his control. "It's been months, Kou. They said I could reapply if I got better but-"

"If?"

"If."

What happened to the great Akaashi Keiji? Star volleyball setter for Fukurodani Academy, stellar in academic, an amazing second-year, smart and attractive, now a frail, shivering, ill, child. He's a child, they are children. Children don't deserve this!

"It's not fair."

They both said the words at the same time.

"And you are just going to let it happen anyways?" Bokuto sat on the edge of Akaashi's bed, holding his hands. "Hey, screw the scholarship. I saw you pull so many all-nighters so you could keep it. When I'm a rich volleyball player, I'll pay for your schools, easy."

Akaashi smiled. Bokuto loved that smile.

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rewh0re · 1 year

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SLEEPING ON THE COUCH AFTER AN ARGUMENT

Ft.: Kuroo Tetsurou, Akaashi Keiji

Angst but with fluff at the end. Just my boys kuroo and Akaashi and sleeping on the couch after an argument. Reblogs + interactions are highly appreciated!!

༊ KUROO

Kuroo cannot sleep. It's nearly 3 in the morning and he's twisting and turning on the bed for about an hour now, unable to fall asleep. The other side of his bed seems unnaturally cold and empty due to your lack of presence. You both had gotten into an argument about 2 hours prior. You had tried to convey your thoughts across to him about how worried you were that he was overworking himself and in his state of tiredness he was definitely not in the mood for your nagging. He took out his annoyance on you which resulted in some back and forth yelling before you decided to give him some space and sleep on the couch. But it had been hours and however much he denied it, Kuroo could not sleep without you. So, deciding to swallow his stupid pride he went out to the living room just to find your shivering self on the couch. You had a thin blanket on and it was a cold night.

"I know you're not sleeping," he whispered as he knelt by the couch to look at you.

What he saw broke him, there were dried tears on your face. He always fell apart when he saw you cry.

"Look I'm really sorry for what I said. Half of those things, I didn't mean them and neither should I have uttered them in the first place. It has happened now and as much as I wish I could change it, I can't. So, I'm asking you to forgive me y/n. I'm really really sorry. I love you so much ," he stroked your cheek and you could not pretend anymore. You slowly opened your eyes to look at him.

"You do?" You asked silently.

"More than you could ever know, love. You're the best thing that's happened to me. You're not nagging when you worry about me. I'm sorry for saying that. I was annoyed and irritated and tired and I took it out on you like a fool. I've said hurtful things and I feel terrible for it. Forgive me please," he looked at you with so much love and adoration as he asked for forgiveness that you broke again. You sniffled a little before cracking a small smile.

"I've said some hurtful things as well. Things I shouldn't have said. I'm sorry," you whispered to him.

"It's okay. Come back to bed now love. Tomorrow, I'm taking the day off and we'll do whatever you want to do. Sounds good?" He smiled at you, stretching his hand towards you for you to take it.

"Sounds perfect," you smiled as you took his hand in yours.

༊ AKAASHI

Arguments with Akaashi were rare. Most of the time, you both would talk things out and solve the problem rationally rather than lashing out. You both tried to be logical and tried to communicate no matter how tired or angry you both were. But sometimes however, that was just not the case. Sometimes, things got out of hand, anger overpowered your more rational sides and things got ugly. Tonight just happened to be one of those nights. Honestly, you don't even know how the argument started. You just knew that both of you were exhausted from work and on top of that things had been rough in your personal life lately. These reasons probably got to you and an argument took place. You both had verbally hurt each other to the extent that Akaashi decided to sleep on the couch, unable to fight anymore. He left you in the bedroom alone and fuming. But the moment he picked up a blanket and went to the couch, regret immediately filled you up. You ran after him to the living room where he laid on the couch. God, he didn't even have a pillow under his head, his neck would hurt like crazy in the morning.

"Keiji," you called out his name and as you expected, there was no answer from him.

"Keiji I'm sorry," you sat at the end of the couch where his feet were propped up on the hand rest.

"I let my anger and frustration take over me and said some pretty shitty things. I'm sorry I really did not mean them. I would never," at that, he looked up at you to see your eyes getting teary as a frown took over your face.

"Don't cry y/n," he sat up and brought himself closer to you.

"I don't know what took over me. I'm so sorry. I always try to be calmer and more thoughtful while speaking but today I don't know. Work has been stressful and I probably took that out on you. Something I shouldn't have done and something I highly regret," you took his hand as you looked at him.

"I said some pretty awful stuff to you too, you know. You're not entirely at fault here. I'm sorry. Next time, I'll try to be more thoughtful and I'll definitely not yell at you again," he gave you a small smile as he opened his arms for you to hug him. You gladly did.

"Me too. Come to bed now. You didn't even bring a pillow with you. Do you want your neck to hurt?" He laughed a little at that.

"Always thinking about me aren't you," he hugged you tighter.

"Mhm. Keiji?" You started as you broke the hug to look at him. "We're okay right?"

"We will be, love."

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powchakko · 7 months

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𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐝𝐚𝐲..?

synopsis. greeting them after a tiring day at practice + stuff i’d like to do with them

word count. 1k

characters. tsukishima kei, akaashi keiji, oikawa tooru

warnings. reader is called princess (in oikawa's part), lil suggestive?? + mentions of a wound (in tsukishima’s part), reverse comfort, lil angst if u squint, CLICHE STUFF

notes. asdfghjkfghj first time posting my works here! hope y'all enjoy reading it heheh-

𖤐 tsukishima k.

“tadaima,” you heard a soft voice accompanied by the click of the door closing.

“kei!” you exclaimed, lips instantly tugged into a smile as you run towards your boyfriend. you crashed into him, almost knocking him backwards. “okaeri,” you said while inhaling his familiar scent and wrapping your arms around his lean frame.

tsukishima only hummed in response, though he was quick to return the embrace and press a kiss to the crown of your head.

“how was practice today?” you asked as you pulled away from the hug. but your smile vanished and transformed into a somewhat panicked expression when you saw a huge bruise on your lover’s cheek. “oh my gosh, kei. what happened?!”

“a certain someone accidentally hit the ball towards my face,” he replied, wincing in pain as you gently laid your hand on top of the bruise, your thumb stroking the red and blue-ish skin.

“hinata?”

“who else,” the blonde averted his gaze and sighed. “don’t worry, i already compressed it with an icepack.”

you suddenly grinned. “doesn’t look worse than that hickey you gave me–”

“urusai.” tsukishima glared at you, his face flushed red. “don’t you dare mention that.”

“i’m joking, i’m joking,” you laughed. your hand was still resting on his cheek, which, to him, somehow did a better job of making the pain hurt less than the icepack. he gingerly took your hand and guided it towards his lips before pressing a soft kiss onto your palm.

“can we eat dinner now?” he mumbled against your skin, causing you to squirm at the ticklish feeling.

“of course we can,” smiling even wider than before, you pulled your arm away and slipped it around his as both of you walked to the kitchen.

𖤐 akaashi k.

you were a little surprised when you came out of the bathroom and found your boyfriend slumped across the sofa. you were happy, of course, and couldn’t wait to eat dinner and spend some time with him. but the tired expression on his face forced yourself to postpone all the hugs and kisses you were ready to shower him with.

“keiji?” you tried, your voice soft and careful.

akaashi slowly opened his eyes, emerald hues boring into your own (e/c) eyes. he slightly pulled his lips to the sides. “hey, sweetheart.”

“rough day at practice?” you asked again, this time making your way to the sofa.

“hm,” the boy mumbled. you were now sitting cross-legged beside him. slowly, you placed your hands on either side of his face, guiding him to lie down on your lap. akaashi instantly melted into your touch, and you could almost see his fatigue evaporating into nothingness as he finally settled comfortably on your legs.

“tell me everything,” you said gently. your fingers were already getting to work, untangling and smoothing out akaashi’s raven locks. he let out a sigh of contentment and closed his eyes a second time.

silence hung in the air – though it felt peaceful and comforting to both of you rather than awkward. you were still busy playing with your boyfriend’s hair. knowing he wasn’t much of a talker, you didn’t press for answers. besides, wasn’t simply being there for him enough?

“i’ll tell you about it tomorrow,” he whispered. “‘m too tired right now,”

you hummed in response. “do you want to eat dinner, then? after that–”

“can we stay like this for a little longer?”

you looked down at his face, a little surprised when you found akaashi already staring lazily back at you. you smiled before cupping his cheeks and placing a quick kiss to his nose. “actually, i think i’d like that, too.”

𖤐 oikawa t.

you yelped as you felt two cold arms encircling your waist, pulling you into a tight hug. you quickly turned off the stove and pulled the earplugs from your ears before turning around, only to see your boyfriend’s face nestling comfortably on your shoulder.

“tooru?!” you exclaimed. “oh my god, i’m so sorry. why didn’t you tell me you’re home?”

he grinned, giving you a quick peck on the cheek. “i’m here now, aren’t i?”

despite his playful tone, you could see the fatigue overshadowing his features. how it made his smile look a little less genuine, how it gave him subtle frown wrinkles across his forehead, how it caused his voice to sound groggy. “tooru?” you called to him softly. “did anything happen at practice?”

that earned a small chuckle from him. “you know me so well, princess,”

“tooru…”

“tell me about your day instead,” he interjected. “mine’s too shitty to talk about.”

this didn’t seem like the oikawa tooru you knew. he’d usually protest and complain nonstop about how terrible practice was, how frustrating his underclassmen were, or literally any other bad thing about his day. something really bad must’ve happened that it caused him to be this quiet.

“was it that bad?” you asked again, this time turning around and cupping his cheeks in your hands. they’re so cold, you thought silently.

“not as bad as how i must’ve smell like right now,” the brunette grinned again. “i’ll go take a shower, m’kay?”

“tooru, look at me.” you demanded, tightening your hold on the sides of his face, which made him tense a little. “i need to know if something happened. please tell me what’s wrong.”

oikawa stared at you and sighed, his smile faltering. “everything,” he whispered before roughly dumping his forehead on your shoulder. “i dunno… it all just feels so tiring…”

you noticed how his fingers were rubbing the letters of ‘i love you’ on your back. you carefully lifted your arms and hugged him back, your fingers tracing the shape of a heart right below his shoulder. a silent ‘i love you, too’.

“will a movie marathon cheer you up?” you asked after a few while. “i can make you some ice cream sandwiches, too, if you want.”

“with milk bread?” he muttered into your neck.

“with milk bread.”

you felt his lips form a smile against your skin, and despite how you couldn’t see it, it felt more genuine this time.

#akaashi's is the shortest one despite him being my fav character T^T #imo oikawa's is the best in this one lol #ASDFGHJJDFGHJK RLLY HOPING THIS FIRST POST WILL DO WELL #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x y/n #tsukishima kei #tsukishima x reader #haikyuu tsukishima #akaashi keiji #akaashi x reader #haikyuu akaashi #oikawa tooru #oikawa x reader #haikyuu oikawa #★ ── asha.writes

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minustwofingers · 1 year

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exoplanet part 5

pairing: ellie williams x fem!reader

masterlist! read all the other parts here!

summary: you’ve won the life lottery as one of the few people on earth with parents who gained admittance to the most prestigous safezone in the world after the outbreak. but after a lab accident sends you out to jackson, wyoming, real life hits you fast. it’s a good thing that a hot lesbian finds u. (lol). mean ellie at first, slowburn, enemies to friends to lovers, fem reader asf

warnings: violence, Angst with a capital A, ellie being an asshole, nsfw content (minors dni), mentions of vomiting, language, that’s all i can think of now

a/n: ...hey...how yall doing...sorry for edging u all nonstop. that was kind of silly of me. in my defense a) this was a super tough chapter for me to write bc i am very concerned abt how this is going to come off after the lead up and b) i kind of forgot i was a person for the past month bc ive been legit just studying every waking minute and doing nothing else. but anyway here it is! i am so so thankful for everyone’s patience and i’m sorry it took me so long to get this out!

word count: 11k

tags~ @intrnetdoll @dazedshoon @lovecaraya @pctcr @sariyaflowr @loser-keiji @prettyplant0 @666findgod @sawaagyapong @rystarkov @buzzybuzzsposts @addisonnie @galacticstxrdust @parkersmyth @pinkazelma @ariianelle @lu002 @blairfox04 @sparkleswonderland @elliesflower @muthafuckingstargirl

exoplanet inspired playlist!

note - this chapter is not very heavily edited despite (and perhaps because of) its size. i am so sorry if there are really obvious and lazy errors—i will come back and do an overall edit once the series is completed!

enjoy <3

When you were 16, you had your first taste of infinity, wrapped up in the elegant bow of calculus.

You see, all calculus is is the study of change. That’s what your professors drilled into you over and over again. All these fancy symbols and derivatives and integrals—they meant something. All these strange curly brackets and greek letters had a home in tangible reality.

Everything except for the infinity symbol.

You struggled for months on the concepts of limits, on the idea of harnessing infinity. If something was truly infinite, how could you possibly decide where it would end up? How did anyone perform any calculations with the overhanging threat of “goes on forever”?

Everything that has ever existed is finite. It always has been finite, always will be. Even the Sun that warms your skin and grows your crops will eventually explode. Even energy, with its nifty rule of conservation, will stand no chance against a black hole.

There are no natural instances of infinity.

So why were you—of all people—the one who turned your nose up at the consideration that so much of mathematics was based off this shoddy theory of the never-ending—so fucking stupid as to believe that what you had going on wasn’t bound to the same laws of nature?

“Shit,” you said, staring down at the paper. “Shit. Oh my god.”

When you finally tore your eyes from the paper and looked back up at her, she wouldn’t look back.

“It had to be someday now, right? They weren’t going to just leave you out here.”

You swallowed. It did nothing for the gargantuan sized lump in your throat that was currently threatening to escape as a sob. “I—I didn’t think I—”

“No use dwelling on it, huh?” She finally met your eyes, sending you a tight smile. “I assumed it’d be any day now.”

Something twisted inside of you. “What? You were expecting this?”

She shrugged, then reached out to nudge your shoulder. “Come back to bed?”

“I—” The lump that was in your throat rolled higher to the point where it was beginning to choke you out. “Why—”

Ellie paused, lingering by the door and saying nothing.

“You’re coming with me,” you announced once you’d gathered your words. “I’m not going to take no for an answer.”

“Let’s not do this out here,” Ellie said. She appeared so passive and undisturbed that it made you want to scream. “It’s so early. We’ll talk about it when we’ve slept more, okay?”

You stood, your feet glued to the rickety floorboards of Joel’s porch as you calculated. As if you could just go to sleep after all of this.

“You can just stand out here too if you’d like,” Ellie finally said. “But I’d like to take advantage of what time we have left. Is that okay?”

What time we have left. Like a future where she was still in your life was such high fantasy that she wouldn’t even entertain it.

“Right,” you said. Your voice nearly broke. “Let’s—let’s do that.”

You did not sleep. Instead, you watched the sunlight slowly fill the room, catching on the objects and trinkets that littered her desk and walls that you’d never gotten to see outside of the dark of the night. Instead, you thought about how jealous you were of the posters on her walls and the figurines on her dresser, granted the blessing of actual permanence in Ellie’s world—a gift that had always been denied to you.

You harbored a suspicion that Ellie was also awake. You could feel her blink against your neck.

The day began with the subtlety of an anvil falling from the sky. The moment the clock struck 8, there was yelling and audible bustling in the streets as Jackson discovered the notices that had been dropped from the sky hours before.

There was a soft knock at the door.

“Ellie? You up?”

She sat up, sending you an apologetic look as she ran a hand through her hair to smooth it. “Yeah.”

Before you could process what was happening, the door creaked open to reveal a fully dressed Joel, holding one of the envelopes in his hand.

Upon seeing you in her bed, he blinked once, hard. A shock of fear ran through you before you remembered you weren’t at home.

“I’m sorry,” he said, taking a step back. “I didn’t realize you were in here, Y/N. I would’ve come back later.”

“It’s fine, Joel,” said Ellie, her face a crimson red.

He coughed awkwardly. “Well, anyway. Y/N, I’ve got some good news for you. Looks like they’ve located you.”

“I, uh, heard,” you said. “Thanks for letting me know.”

“I’ve been looking over the coordinates,” he said, holding up the paper and squinting in the morning light. “It looks like this just a week or so up north. Short jaunt. Not too dangerous, from what Tommy says. One of us can take ya. We’ve got plenty of time from now until the pickup date to prepare.”

“Thank you.” Your voice wavered, and your eyes searched for Ellie’s. She was staring down at her sheets.

Joel bid his goodbyes and told Ellie he’d need her in the afternoon, then shut the door softly behind him.

You turned to her. “Can we talk about—”

“No.”

“Please.” Your fingers curled around her wrist as you angled your face into her line of sight. “Can we at least talk about it?”

Her teeth pulled at her bottom lip. “Talk about what? I have a home here, Y/N. I can’t leave. I have Joel, and Dina, and Tommy, and…” She swallowed, pulling away from your grip. “I’m not like you. I can’t live in a place like Terranova. I wouldn’t fit in.”

“I’ll take anyone you want with us,” you promised her, moving to cup her face in your hands. Her eyes were resigned as they met yours. “And you don’t have to be anything you don’t want to be. I’ll do all the talking.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Trying this hard,” Ellie elaborated. “You’ve only known me for—what—3 months? And you’re going about this like it’s normal to expect me to uproot myself from where I live? This may just be an inconsequential random snippet of your life to you, but Jackson is my home. Leaving it isn’t so easy for me.”

“I never said leaving is easy.” You were dangerously close to breaking down. “I don’t want to leave you. Don’t you understand?”

“You’re going to be fine without me.” Ellie’s voice was sour.

“But the thing is that I won’t be,” you retorted, ignoring how your voice cracked. “You asked me last night how long it would take me to forget you. The answer is that I won’t. I’m never going to forget you, and I’ve never met anyone who makes me feel quite like you do. Maybe you don’t feel the same way. That’s fine. But can you fault me for at least trying to save the one thing in my life that I want? The one thing in my life I chose for myself?”

When she didn’t respond, you continued.

“I am so, so tired of letting life happen to me,” you said, your throat dry. “I have lived 20 years of my life making myself convenient. I did everything right. I went to the right schools. I got the right grades. I hung out with the right people. But nothing has ever made me feel more alive than you. So I would like to at least attempt to keep you.”

There. You’d said it. Out of anything else to say, you slowly retracted your hands, letting your fingers slip through that fabric of her shirt that you’d been gripping.

“I am not a thing.” The words fell heavily out of her mouth. She wouldn’t look at you. “Don’t you see how selfish you’re being? This is where I belong. You can’t just expect people to follow you around because you want them to.”

“That’s not—” Your voice broke. The hurt in your chest was so acute that you’d take being shot with an arrow over it any day. You sucked in another breath and tried again.”That’s—not what I want you to do. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that you saw me that way.”

You were so stupid. So, so stupid. She let you sleep in her bed once, and that was enough to convince you that she would drop her entire life here to come stay with you. Of course she didn’t see you like that.

But you were upset, so you decided to add the nail in your coffin.

“Would it be so bad if I stayed?”

Ellie let out a long sigh, rubbing the bridge of her nose between her fingers. It occurred to you that maybe you were annoying her. Maybe she wanted you to leave.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she said flatly. “You’re going back.”

“What if I didn’t?”

“You promised.”

“I don’t want to go.”

Ellie blinked hard, then set her jaw before meeting your eyes with startling intensity. “Listen,” she said, her voice harsh, “You do know that you’re just a guest, right?”

“What?”

“You’re a guest,” she repeated, her tone clipped. She continued to stare into you. “You do realize that you’re living in a house that isn’t yours, right? You’re eating food that’s paid for by work shifts that you’re barely equipped to do?”

You furiously swept away the tears brimming on the edge of your eye socket as the gravity of her words finally sunk in.

A guest.

That’s all you’d been.

“This has been a very enlightening conversation.” You pushed off from her bed, throwing the blankets off and straightening out your clothes while you avoided looking at her. If you did, you’d see that look of conviction in her eyes—the one that told you that she meant every word she said.

You stopped at the door, flexing your fingers on the knob as you turned back in her general direction, staring at the floorboards near her feet.

“Thank you for being honest.” Your voice cracked over the final syllables, crunching in your throat and sounding profoundly pathetic.

You were gone before she could say anything else.

Ellie didn’t knock on your door after that. In fact, you hardly ever saw her apart from the occasional blur in the kitchen, her hair thrown haphazardly into a half-bun and her backpack slung over one shoulder as she prepared to leave for whatever work she had to do.

The few times you ever were next to her were when Dina invited you along to get-togethers with her and her friends. Ellie was late once and the only empty seat was next to you. She lingered by the doorway, her few seconds of pause making your chest tighten.

“Sit down, Ellie,” Dina said, snorting and rolling her eyes.

She sat down with so much space between you two left that it was all you could do to not stare at the expanse of vacant fabric. It was funny how something so simple could be so glaringly offensive.

From the corner of your eye, you watched her fingers flex and toy with themselves in a way you’d come to recognize as one of her nervous habits. You yearned to reach out and fold your hands over hers like you would have done just a week or so ago, but you forced that feeling down with all the self-control you could muster.

After everyone else had left, Dina stopped you.

“Did something happen between you and Ellie?” Dina asked, her eyebrows furrowed. “I noticed that you guys don’t hang out together anymore.”

Your mouth opened. There was so much that you wanted to tell her, so much that you’d held back. When you saw the kindness deep in her liquid brown eyes, you couldn’t help yourself. You burst into tears.

“Oh, Y/N.” Her voice was soft as she led you back to the couch, draping an arm around you and letting you get snot all over her shoulder. “What happened?”

And so you told her, albeit with the occasional hiccuped or sniffled interruption as you tried to gather yourself up. Dina’s hand ran up and down your arm in a motion so comforting that if you thought too hard about it you were going to just start crying harder.

“Ellie’s an asshole sometimes,” she said finally. “I think—I think this is a shitty situation for everyone.”

“It doesn’t seem particularly shitty for her,” you said, sniffling loudly. “She doesn’t even seem to care.”

Dina sent you a look. “This is what Ellie does when she cares. She’s just really fucking weird like that. It’s, like,—do you have stray animals in Terranova?”

You shook your head miserably. “No.”

“Of course you don’t. Well,” she continued, “They’re normally very complicated little things. They want love but don’t know how to ask for it. And when they get it, sometimes they don’t know what to do with it.”

“Ellie doesn’t love me. She’s made it very clear what she thinks about me.”

“If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t be going around sulking all day,” Dina pointed out, reaching around to tug a lock of your hair in emphasis. “Don’t let this hurt you. She just doesn’t know how to handle this.”

“I don’t know what to do,” you said. You pulled your knees up to your chest. “She avoids me as much as she can. And even if I managed to catch her, I don’t know if I could handle what she’d say to me.”

Dina sighed, leaning into you. “I’ll talk to Joel. He’s the only one I know who can talk some sense into her.”

Jackson was steadily warming. You’d never seen so much sun before in your life—not even in the peak of the Terranovan summers. It was a cruel contrast to the numbness that was steadily spreading within you, the numbness that grew whenever you saw Ellie and it hit you that you were nearing your last few interactions with her.

That night, Joel had officially told you that you were leaving in a week to make the date that the Terranovan contacts had set. You’d decided to go on a walk after, unable to stay still in your room while you heard the familiar creaks and bumps from Ellie’s room.

As you walked onto the porch, you heard Joel’s southern drawl say something hushed to Ellie. You paused at the front door, wondering if you’d be able to catch it, but Joel remained silent. There was a tension that hung in the air, as if they were waiting for the door to fully shut behind you. You took the hint and let it fall closed.

The gravel crunched under your feet as you walked, feeling the early summer breeze waft across your skin. It was just warm enough to be comfortable. When you were back home in just a few weeks, you were going to have to get used to the constant rain and chill that battered Terranova until July.

You were going to have to get used to a lot of things, actually. But it was probably best not to think about that now.

There was nothing left of the sun beyond the slimmest line of cerulean resting on the peaks of the mountains in the distance by the time you reached where you were headed. It was an empty meadow, originally intended for extra horse paddocks that no one had ever gotten around to building. You’d discovered it one night in April when you and Ellie had been walking back from Dina’s, admiring the night sky and talking about nothing to each other.

It was the only place within the walls where the grass was clean and dry enough to lie back and stare up at the night sky. So, here you were, sprawled out in the greenery and watching the universe unfold and brighten above you.

You’d spent so many years of your life staring at textbook photos and fantasizing about what it must’ve been like to gaze up at the stars without the haze of light pollution. Terranova was so compact that you’d be lucky to look up and see any stars, even in the height of winter.

There was an observatory that was set up near the outer border, but even that wasn’t far away enough to escape the city lights. No one (well, now it was almost no one) had the clearance to leave the walls. Astronomers who had come before the time of the outbreak now had to settle for their tiny sliver of the sky, instead passing on their stories of beautiful starry nights in Africa and other foreign lands that you’d never get to see.

Here, though, you were able to see beyond what you could ever imagine. Alongside the dazzling brightness of every star within sight were the colorful wisps of the Milky Way, threading in and around the billions of twinkling suns. It was an explosion of light that brimmed with possibility. Maybe there was a world out there just like this one. There had to be—with trillions or gazillions of solar systems just like our own, you were probably looking in the general direction of a planet just as populated and industrialized as yours.

It hit you then like a ton of bricks—you would never see this again.

Something rustled behind you, but you stayed put, letting your weight sink into the ground and feeling the coolness of the Earth against you.

The rustling continued, passing your ear.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a pair of familiar ragged black converses by your feet.

Ellie laid down close enough that you could feel the waves of heat coming off of her bare arm, but not so near as to touch you.

There was so much that you wanted to say, but nothing came out. All you could do was stare up at the sky, wondering if she was doing the same or looking at you.

There was a nudge at the edge of your hand, tentative at first before Ellie fully slid hers under yours, entwining your fingers and tightly squeezing. It felt suspiciously like an apology.

You sent a pulse back. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as her thumb began to gently trace the skin on the back of your hand, back and forth.

The clammy coolness of Ellie’s hand faded into warmth as you two sat there without a word, letting the heavy silence speak for itself. The line on the horizon faded to black, leaving nothing but the moonlight to wash over you.

There were so many things you wanted to say to her. You wanted to apologize, to tell her you never meant to impose. You wanted her to know that you didn’t expect her to give up her whole life for you. But the weight of the quiet hanging between you two felt far too massive to shake off.

An arc of white streaked across the sky, its tail long and dazzling before it vanished.

“Shooting star!” you exclaimed, jutting your free hand up to the heavens and temporarily forgetting your speechlessness. You’d never seen one before, despite your many years of studying the meteor showers and examining the geological composition of meteorites.

“Do you not have those back home?”

“No,” you said. Now you felt a little embarrassed about how the first thing that you said to her was about the star, not about any of the other pressing issues. “Too much light pollution.”

“That sucks,” mused Ellie, her voice oddly casual. “That’ll be an adjustment for me.”

You froze. “What?”

“I said,” repeated Ellie, “That’ll be an adjustment for me. When I come with you.”

The jolt of shock that shot through you stole your breath, leaving you to just stare at her while her words sunk in.

Her gaze shifted from the sky to you. The ghost of a familiar smirk pulled at the corners of her lips, but something was missing.

“You’re joking.”

She shrugged. “Only if you want me to be.”

“I can’t ask that of you.”

“You don’t need to ask me. I’ve decided.”

“You’re sure?”

There was a sheen in her eyes that you hadn’t seen before. “Positive.”

“Oh my god!” You threw yourself at her, laughter spilling from you as you buried your face in her neck.

Ellie didn’t say anything. She just threaded her fingers through your hair, an arm coming to rest around your waist.

“I’m sorry for everything I said to you,” she said, her breath tickling your ear.

“That’s okay.” You sat up, leaning over her as your fingertips traced the curve of her jaw. Being allowed to touch her again after wanting it so badly for weeks felt unreal. “I just missed you.”

She smiled up at you, but her eyes were sad. “I’ve missed you, too.”

It made sense that she wasn’t completely elated, you reasoned as you reveled in the feel of your skin dragging across hers. She was going to have to say goodbye to so much—even the stars.

“I told you that Joel can come along,” you reminded. “And Tommy. And Maria. Whoever you’d like.”

“I think they’re set on staying here,” Ellie said, sighing.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she said.

You dipped your head down, pressing your lips to hers. It was a light brush, but it was enough to send your head spinning after not touching her for so long.

“It’s worth it,” she added.

Your heart swelled, and you were overwhelmed with the desire to freeze the moment as it was and live in it forever. Everything was perfect—the gentle weight of the summer breeze, the light chattering of the crickets and croaks of the frogs in the nearby creek, the way her lips felt against yours, the sky that stretched out infinitely above you. Everything, especially Ellie.

After the night in the meadow, things shifted. Ellie was no longer just publicly interacting with you when forced and keeping all intimacy confined to the hours after 10, but instead finding every excuse to kiss you and touch you, regardless of the context.

It felt almost sinful how abundant Ellie’s affection was now after it had been withheld for so long. The intimidating and distant side of hers crumpled before your eyes, leaving in its wake the remains of a girl who was scared and desperate for affection.

You slept in her room now. That had been a development that you hadn’t expected, but after you two had walked in from the meadow, her hand wrapped around your wrist as you made to go to your room. You hadn’t been back to your bed since.

Ellie was an extraordinarily clingy sleeper, even when the heat outside was mounting. You’d wake up in the middle of the night feeling her cold hands stuck under your shirt, her hair occasionally in your mouth when she burrowed her face into your neck.

When she woke up with a jolt, mumbling something about a nightmare and clammy with a sheen of sweat, she’d let you play with her hair and tell her stories of your life before Jackson.

She would eventually drift, her breath hot against your skin as you sat and watched the stress lines disappear from her face.

On nights that were especially bad, she’d babble to you about her experiences with Joel. That’s when you learned about David—about what really happened the day that she saw a stalker the first time. You’d been stunned into silence, blinking at her as you tried to process what she’d just told you.

Fourteen. She’d been a child when that’d happened.

The more you learned about Ellie’s life, the more you wanted to wrap her up in bubble wrap and never let her go outside again. What you’d once seen as bravery and an inherent toughness revealed itself to be the result of a gruesome and abhorrent process, of a collection of events that could have easily stripped away her humanity.

But she had saved you. And not only that, she was coming with you. She was giving up everything for you.

Something nagged at you as the day for your departure grew nearer, something that told you that she would get cold feet when it came down to packing up and actually leaving Jackson. But she’d promised you. She’d sworn that she’d come with you.

So there was nothing to worry about.

A spring shower accompanied you in your walk down to Dina’s house, appropriately dampening your hair so that it was about the same wetness as your eyes that brimmed with tears.

You were leaving in two days. This was going to be your goodbye to her.

In some ways, you couldn’t help but feel guilty the way you’d spent significantly less time with her ever since you’d made up with Ellie. At the time, it had just happened. The elation of being in Ellie’s good graces had clouded over the thought of seeing anyone else, Dina or otherwise. Now the fact that you would never see her again was slowly sinking in, coupled with the dread of leaving everything you’d known for the past season.

You mulled over your thoughts as you knocked on her door, wiping your eyes so as to not embarrass yourself. If Dina saw that you were crying, then she’d say something really sweet and comforting, and then you’d be reduced into a sniffling mess within minutes.

You had to pretend that you were fine for at least the first few minutes. You could give yourself that.

Nothing but silence greeted you on the other side of the door. You frowned. Dina was off in the morning; you’d been sure to check. Was she mad at you?

The following knocks at her door continued to go unanswered, and worry started to rise in your throat. Maybe she was mad at you. It had been pretty shitty, disappearing off to hang out with your sort-of-girlfriend when Dina was the one you’d be ultimately leaving.

“Dina?” you called out as a last ditch attempt. “You there?”

There was a shuffling sound from inside the house—quiet, but there. “Y/N? Is that you?”

“Yeah! It’s me!” You couldn’t quite read her tone yet, but she didn’t sound like the care-free, happy Dina that you’d come to be familiar with. Something was wrong.

“Just come in!”

She’d never not been there to answer the door. Dread began to build within you.

The door groaned as you turned the doorknob and pushed it in, revealing Dina’s dimly lit sitting room. The overhead light was off, the curtains were drawn tight, and just one flickering candle in the middle put off any light.

And there was Dina, crouched on the couch, knees up to her chest and tucked under her chin.

“Are you okay?!” You shut the door behind you and rushed to her side, the old couch wobbling as the cushion adjusted to your weight.

“You weren’t supposed to see me like this,” said Dina, wiping the tear streaks away from her cheek with her palm. “I’m sorry. I was planning on doing a fun going-away thing for you and Ellie. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

“What happened?” you asked, bringing up a hand to rest on her shoulder.

Dina stayed quiet, instead burying her face into her knees and letting out a rattling sigh.

“Is it because Ellie’s leaving?”

She laughed then, a short, disbelieving chuckle. “No,” she said, sniffling. “It’s not Ellie.”

“Then what is it?”

“I’m—oh, God, I can’t say it.”

“You can tell me anything, you know,” you said gently, your hand moving to rub circles into her shoulder. “I’m not going to judge you. Or tell anyone else, either. Not even Ellie.”

“I’m…” She took in one breath, then shut her eyes. “I’m pregnant.”

Your heart skipped. In all of your worries about the apocalypse, you’d forgotten that comparatively trivial issues like teen pregnancy existed.

“Pregnant?” you repeated.

“Yes.” Dina furiously swiped at her face. “Pregnant. Fucking—fucking pregnant, and I’m not even with Jesse anymore. It’s bullshit, all of it. I didn’t think I—I was so careful—”

“And you’re totally sure?” you asked, trying to school your features into something that didn’t resemble absolute horror and failing abysmally. “Like, is it possible that you’re just late or something?”

She shook her head, hiccuping once. “No. I’ve missed two now. I thought the first one was just because I was stressed. Then the second happened, and I took a pregnancy test that I’d snagged, mostly for jokes, from one of the pharmacies I passed during a patrol.”

“And it came back positive?”

“Yes.”

“Maybe you don’t need to worry about it yet.” Despite the content of your words, hysteria was rising in your voice. “Maybe it’s expired. They do that, don’t they? That thing has to be—what—almost 30 years old? Maybe it’s faulty.”

“I know that I’m pregnant,” Dina said firmly. “I don’t know how else to put it. I just know I do. Something’s not right. I’m tired all of the time. I don’t get periods, but I’m spotting. I’m just not myself anymore. I’ve never felt like this.”

You swallowed. Pregnancy was something that you had always mentally earmarked as a problem for your older self. The thought of growing a human being inside of you and then pushing it out chilled you to the bone, and that was even with the knowledge that if you ever fell pregnant you’d be giving birth with an epidural and the help of trained medical professionals.

Out here, though? There was none of that.

“I know this is stupid,” Dina began, her voice raspy, “But I’m so, so scared. I’ve fought hordes of infected and killed people, but the thought of having to go through this is too much. I don’t think I can do it.”

“Has anyone here given birth before?” you asked, thinking for a moment before adding to your question. “...Successfully?”

“Maria. Once. And a few unsuccessful attempts. One of my old patrol buddies Wryn…she wasn’t so lucky.”

“Oh,” you said, hoping the horror on your face was sufficiently hidden. “Um—do you know how your mother was when she had you? That’s a good indicator, right?”

Dina sent you a watery smile. “Uh, that’s the thing. She didn’t make it.”

Your heart thudded harder in your chest as her smile melted away and she choked out another sob, dropping her head onto her knees. She looked so impossibly small and frail. It was difficult to reconcile the image with the Dina you were most familiar with, the one that was larger than life and wasn’t afraid of anything.

“What if you came with me?” you heard your voice say.

Her eyes snapped up to yours. “What?”

“Come with me,” you said, doctoring your words to sound more commanding. “I’ll take you with me and Ellie. We’re leaving in just a few days. You’ll be safe. Your baby will be safe. You’ll survive. You’ll have the best doctors alive in the world—I’ll make sure of it.”

“I can’t ask that of you,” she said. Her arm came up to swipe under her nose, and you could see the dark marks from the previous snot on the faded maroon fabric. “That’s—no. I can’t.”

“I’m telling you that I’ll take you. I don’t need you to ask me. I want you to live, Dina. I want you to have a good life. I’ve told you how it is there, right? How nice everything is? How everything’s at your fingertips? That can be yours.”

“How do you even know they’ll let you bring guests?”

“Because they know my family,” you said. “If I say that I’m not coming home without you and Ellie, then they’ll take you.”

“Oh, so you’re some big shot?”

“Sort of.”

“Right.” Dina laughed dryly, throwing her hands up. “Why the fuck not. I’m going to Terranova.”

“Do you believe in aliens?”

Ellie’s voice cut through the crickets and frog song in the night air. You two were lying down in the meadow, soaking in the last few hours you had left.

“Of course,” you said, turning to face her.

“What do you mean, of course?” she said, a mocking lilt in her voice as she mimicked you.

“I mean that of course there’s aliens out there,” you elaborated. “How could there not be?”

“Why, have you met one?”

You laughed, rolling your eyes. “Obviously not. It’s just—I dunno, it’s an academically accepted hypothesis that there likely is. The universe is so big.”

Ellie was quiet for a few beats before she spoke up again. “It is?”

“Yeah.”

“None of my books ever said anything about that.”

“They wouldn’t have,” you said, a weight settling into your chest. “That was decided after the outbreak occurred.”

When she stayed silent, you elaborated.

“You know that book that I brought? The one about exoplanets?”

“Of course.”

“We think that most stars out there have exoplanets,” you explained, reaching your hand up into the sky, letting your fingers trace over the familiar constellations. “We’re not sure how likely it is to find one with Earth-like conditions, but there’s so many stars with so many possible solar systems that there has to be something out there.”

“That’s so fucking cool.” The rare display of Ellie’s enthusiasm made you crack a grin.

“Right? And when you come back with me, you can study with me. I can get you enrolled in the university. We can go out to the observatory and you can use a real telescope to look at the stars.”

“Yeah,” said Ellie, though she sounded a little more distant now.

You knew you were getting carried away, letting all the fantasies that had been rattling around in your brain come flying off your tongue, but you couldn’t help yourself.

Ellie was coming with you.

You still weren’t sure if you’d ever get used to it. You didn’t understand how she was so okay with it—how she didn’t even need you to ask her to come after she’d said no the first time. The fact that she was so willing to give up everything for you was so heartwarming that it moved you to tears.

No matter how you tried to look at it, you couldn’t quite come to terms with what had driven her to come with you and leave everything behind, even Joel. How Joel was even letting her go was yet another mystery, but as long as you had her, then what did that matter?

That night, after you two had finished stargazing in the meadow, Ellie had held you tighter than ever in her bed, pressing her to you like she thought you were going to run away.

“Is everything alright?” you asked, voice muffled from where your face was pressed into her shoulder.

“I’m just cold,” Ellie complained. She reached down to pull the comforter up to cover you both in emphasis, letting her hands slide under your shirt and rest between your shoulder blades.

“Are you nervous about leaving?”

“A little. You?”

“No,” you said honestly, lifting your head from her chest to meet her gaze with soft eyes. “Not since you agreed to come.”

Her lips pulled into a tight smile before she leaned forward, dropping a kiss onto the tip of your nose.

In your dream, you and Ellie were in your dorm. You explained the meaning of your posters and let her borrow your books.

In your dream, you rambled on about the Hubble space telescope and the life cycle of stars. You pointed to your posters, letting the pads of your fingers catch on on the rough edges of the canvas. When you turned back, Ellie was gone. You’d been rambling to yourself, you realized. Ellie wasn’t there. She’d never been there. All the books you remembered pulling off your shelf to place in her waiting hands were still there, a thin layer of dust on their spines from the neglect your absence had caused.

You awoke in a cold sweat to find that the bed was empty. There was no warmth on the other side that would suggest that Ellie had been there at all.

Sunlight spilled into the room at an angle that suggested it was barely dawn, dust particles dancing in its beam. The light stopped before it reached your backpack, stuffed full with the things you were taking home.

Home. You were going home.

Instead of the relief you were expecting, you felt nothing but acute dread. Maybe you were just tired, you reasoned. It was normal to feel sad that you weren’t going to be seeing the same people that had welcomed you in with open arms for months on end. It was normal for a budding astrophysicist to miss the night sky and the clean air.

The sun had slowly crept up to swallow more of Ellie’s room while you had thought. Though you and Ellie hadn’t specified an exact hour for leaving, it was getting pretty late in the morning. It was time to go.

After you’d dressed and slung your backpack over your shoulder, you took one last look over your shoulder into Ellie’s room. You’d made the bed, of course, but you could still see the divets at the end of the bed where you two had sat on her comforter the night prior.

Ellie had surprisingly left many things, apparently internalizing your stories about Terranova and its abundance of…everything. It was strange, though. All of the classic Ellie items that you’d come to associate with her—the joke book, the broken Walkman, the comic books—were left just as they always were, stacked on her dresser like she was planning on cracking open one of her comic books later.

A sound in the kitchen shook you out of it, reminding you that you were probably holding everyone up.

Joel was in the kitchen with Ellie, handing her a bundle of what you could only assume to be ammo as she rummaged through her backpack.

“Morning, Y/N,” he said casually. “Feeling ready?”

It was strange to see how nonchalant he was acting at the prospect of sending off his adopted daughter forever.

“Yeah,” you said, smiling at him. “Sure you don’t want to come? You’re going to run out of my coffee soon.”

He laughed. “I like it here in Jackson just fine. But thanks, kiddo.”

The dread in your chest grew. Why wasn’t he more upset? Had you overestimated the closeness of their relationship? Was Joel just exceptionally talented at hiding his emotions and being stoic?

That wasn’t true. You knew that that wasn’t true, given that you’d seen him mope around for an entire day before Ellie indulged you and explained that it was the anniversary of his daughter’s—his biological daughter—death. He clearly knew what it was like to experience loss. So why was he so ready to give up Ellie?

Was she even going to come?

That was ridiculous, you thought, scolding yourself. Of course she was going to come. She was packing her bag right in front of you.

As if you’d willed it into existence, Ellie turned around and smiled. “Hey. Sorry for not waking you up. You were out cold.”

“It’s okay,” you said, your cheeks growing steadily pinker. You’d need to remind Ellie that she couldn’t say things like that once she met your family. The implications that you two shared a bed without it being explicitly necessary would be…troubling, to say the least.

Thankfully, Joel didn’t seem to pay it any mind, instead fussing with the straps of her bag.

“You sure these things are comfortable?” he said, turning to Ellie. “It looks like the fasteners are loose.”

“I’ve never noticed,” said Ellie flatly.

You lingered in the space between the counter and the door, awkwardly silent as you tried to figure out what to do. Ellie and Joel were acting really weird, and you couldn’t figure out why. Maybe this was how people in the apocalypse did it—they just avoided saying goodbyes.

Why wouldn’t Joel want to come?

“I’ll go check on Dina,” you said, your cheeks still hot as you stepped back through the door.

Joel and Ellie’s heads lifted.

“Bring her over,” said Joel in response. “We’ll be ready by the time you get back.”

Jackson was bustling as you made your way down the street. You waved to the few schoolchildren you’d been introduced to by Dina and accepted a hug from Bonnie, who was profoundly sad to see you go.

“I’ll miss you,” she said, sniffing as she wiped her nose with the back of her hand without shame. “It really fucking sucks that you have to go home, you know? It was fun patrolling with you.”

“I’ll miss you, too,” you said, resting a hand on her shoulder. “Have you said goodbye to Ellie and Dina yet?”

“No,” Bonnie said, her voice wavering. A sheepish look spread on her features. “I’m always bad at saying goodbyes.”

“That’s okay. We’re not leaving until Ellie’s all packed, so you have a bit if you’d like to stop by before.”

“I’ll try,” said Bonnie, touching your elbow and stopping away. “But if I don’t see you again, be safe, alright?”

Dina was sitting on the steps of her front steps, her dark hair spilling over her shoulder as she contorted over to tighten her laces.

“Hey you,” you said. It was the first time you’d spoken to someone without feeling profoundly guilty for leaving. Ellie was being ripped from her family. The friends you’d made here were being left behind. Joel was losing a daughter. But Dina? Dina was being promised a life of safety.

You could be happy without feeling bad about it with Dina.

“Hey yourself,” she echoed, tilting her head up to grin at you. “Feeling ready?”

“Barely,” you admitted, joining her on the middle step. “I’m scared shitless. Just going on patrol is scary enough. What if we get jumped?”

“We probably will.”

“Dina!”

She shrugged, giving you a devilish look. “I’m just being honest. But you’ve got me and you’ve got Ellie. Together we’re very scary.”

“Terrifying,” you said gravely, nodding.

“You’ve gotten such an attitude,” said Dina. “Ellie’s rubbing off on you.”

“I wasn’t kidding!” you said, slapping her shoulder.

She grinned back at you, and you felt a rush of gratitude so strong that it nearly moved you to tears.

“I’m ready to go,” she said, sitting up and reaching for her pack behind her. “You?”

“I’m ready too,” you said. “Joel told me to come get you and bring you over. I think they’re almost all prepped too.”

“Exciting,” said Dina, wiggling her fingers at you. “Baby’s first adventure.”

You rolled your eyes. “Baby’s last adventure. Hopefully we’ll never need to go traipsing about the woods again.”

“Are there even any woods where we’re heading?”

The gravel crunched under your feet as you and Dina retraced your path back to Joel’s. “Nowhere near where we’ll be. It’s woodsy near the borders, but no one ever goes there.”

“It’s going to be weird to live in a city.”

“You’ll get used to it. It’s nice, really. Anything you’ll ever need is within a block of you,” you told her. “Every fruit and vegetable you can imagine is a short walk away. The first thing I’m doing once I’m back is buying an orange. I miss those.”

“An orange?” Dina’s face was shocked. “Oranges? How do you even grow that stuff?”

You shrugged. “I’m not really sure. I know it can’t be grown in Terranova. It’s way too cold to be doing that. I think they must be imported from somewhere.”

“How could that be?” Dina asked.

“I have no idea.”

Joel and Ellie were on the porch by the time you two reached their home, with Joel resting a hand on her shoulder as he said something into her ear, too low for you to hear.

Ellie nodded, the bun that gathered the top of her hair bobbing. Then she turned to you.

For a moment, you thought she might tell you that she was staying. But then she bounded down the stairs to you, a smile on her lips as her backpack thudded once against her back.

“You ready?” she asked.

“Yeah,” you said, swallowing hard.

“You’ll be fine,” Ellie said, giving your shoulder an affectionate shove. “Have you said your goodbyes already? We should really head out.”

You had said almost all of your goodbyes—but there was still one left.

“Joel,” you said, a lump forming in your throat as you ascended the steps toward him and threw your arms around his shoulders.

He was stiff, awkwardly patting your back, but when you pulled away you could see that he was smiling.

“You’ve been so kind to me,” you began. “I can’t even begin to thank you enough. I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too, kiddo,” he said, affectionately tousling your hair. “Don’t die out there, okay? And think of me whenever you’re buying coffee.”

“I will,” you promised, no longer caring about the mistiness in your eyes. “I’ll look after Ellie, too.”

Something flitted past his face before he schooled it into a mask of indifference. “Right. You three better be off, alright? Don’t want it getting dark before you’ve got a good head start.”

And that was the last thing Joel said to you before sending you all off. He had the good graces to linger on the porch, though, waving at you as you made your way alongside Ellie and Dina past the gates.

Traveling was more boring than you expected. Each morning was the same—wake up, eat whatever rations Ellie had packed in her bag, and boil enough water from the stream to fill all of your water bottles.

The actual going wasn’t much more exciting. Where you were headed was so desolate that there were hardly any infected, Ellie explained to you. Any of the few infected that had the misfortune of stumbling across you were made quick work of by Ellie and her knives.

Ellie was always tetchy about letting you take over watch as she and Dina slept. She’d sidle up to you in your sleeping bag and rest her head on your shoulder, but you could tell that she was fighting to stay awake in case there was any trouble.

When she did sleep, it was fitful. She’d murmur and thrash around, making you bite your lip more than once to keep yourself from yelping and startling her and Dina awake when she’d accidentally kick you.

And when she was awake, she wasn’t much more affectionate. Maybe it was because Dina was there and she was embarrassed to be touchy, you rationalized, but it still stung when she’d only briefly peck your lips or brush her mouth across your forehead when you were nearby, like she was just doing it mechanically.

On the sixth day—one day before you were due to be at the pickup point—things finally ramped up.

You awoke to find the sleeping bag cold, accompanied only by the soft sounds of Dina’s rhythmic breathing. The forest floor was cold against your hand—it had been unconsciously flung out onto the bed of pine next to you in your sleep. Dew had collected on it, making your hand damp as you pulled it in to inspect it.

The sun was barely beginning to peek over the horizon, sending a few golden rays through the trees and illuminating just the tops of the trees above you.

Ellie was nowhere to be seen.

“Ellie!” you hissed, sitting up and looking around frantically. To your horror, you discovered that her pack was missing, along with her shoes and the jacket she’d hung over the tree branches next to the clearing you were sleeping in.

It was like she’d never been there.

“Ellie!” you said again, louder this time.

Nothing. Just a few nervous titters from the birds in the underbrush, startled into taking flight to higher ground. Stupid, stupid you. If anything was out here, you’d just revealed where you were. Hopefully you were still far enough out from any civilization that there were no infected to hear. If you weren’t…

You gulped, reaching into your pack a few feet away to pull out the small gun Joel had given you. Dina was still out cold, snoring quietly to your side. She’d been getting weaker as her pregnancy progressed, given that she was almost a trimester along already. Between the two of you, you were stronger, which was not a very comforting thought to have. If she was a little more nourished, things might’ve been different. But given how severe Dina’s morning sickness had gotten, it was lucky for her to keep anything down.

It was all you. You had to be the protector, for the very first time. Without Ellie, there was no one else to save you.

A twig snapped somewhere behind you, and you whirled around. The cool metal of the gun bit into your hand as you held it up, dragging its tip across the span of the forest that you could see. There was nothing there—not yet.

Maybe it had been a squirrel.

Then you heard them—light footfalls. Human footsteps, clearly from someone who was trying to avoid branches and evade detection.

You willed your hands not to shake as you held your gun up again, feeling the adrenaline pulse through you with every heartbeat. The thick spring underbrush that had made you feel safe and concealed as you traveled through the forest was now something you resented, obscuring whatever was in the woods while letting it see perfectly well into your clearing.

A rustling came from your right, and you swung around to see a slightly bedraggled Ellie, holding the carcass of two rabbits.

“Fucking Christ!” she gasped upon seeing your gun. “Put that down! It’s just me!”

There was a twig sticking out from her hair.

“Sorry!” You let your gun fall, feeling suddenly very embarrassed. “I just—I woke up, and you were gone. I thought something had happened.”

“Sorry,” said Ellie, slinging the rabbits over her shoulder as she approached you. “We were running out of food. I set these snare traps last night and thought I’d check them while you two were still asleep. There’s nothing out here. I wouldn’t have left you if I thought otherwise.”

“You could’ve told me,” you said accusingly.

“I forgot to,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

Then she knelt down and kissed you, her chapped lips rough against yours.

A retching sound startled both of you apart.

“Sorry,” said Dina, wiping her eyes after she’d dry heaved on the dirt next to her sleeping bag. “That wasn’t because of you guys. I love gay people.”

“Good morning,” you said, blushing. “Sorry for waking you up.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she responded. She was looking terribly frail. “Did I miss anything?”

“You missed Y/N trying to kill me,” offered Ellie.

“She’s lying,” you told her. “Don’t listen.”

The rest of the morning went on without a hitch, with Ellie cleaning the rabbits and setting them over a small fire. It was strange that she’d gone through the trouble of getting two whole rabbits—you three were about to be picked up and Dina wasn’t eating anyway—but you supposed she just set as many snare traps as she could and didn’t want to leave any evidence of them being there.

Then, once you three had finally reached the coordinates and set up camp just as the sun was beginning to kiss the forest ridge, Ellie disappeared in the woods again, leaving you both at the edge of a large, flower-filled meadow.

“Why does she always do that?” you asked Dina, rolling out your sleeping bags and brushing off dirt.

Dina was sat on her roll, looking weaker than ever. You were more thankful than ever that the journey had almost come to an end. Though you were hoping that she was just having a difficult first trimester, you couldn’t help but wonder if it was something more serious.

“It’s Ellie.” Dina’s voice was tired, ragged. “She always does shit like this.”

“Hm,” you said, finishing with your sleeping bag and looking back at her. “Do you need help? Do you think you’re up to eating something?”

“No, and no,” she said, hanging her head between her knees miserably. “Even the thought of eating makes me want to puke.”

“Noted,” you said. “You should really try for some water, though.”

Dina let you help her take small sips from the bottle in your pack before shoo-ing you away. “I’ll be fine,” she said. “No need to fret over me like this.”

“Just think of the care you’re going to get tomorrow,” you told her, reaching up to brush a piece of her hair behind her ear. “They’ll probably hook you up to an IV. You’ll feel better than ever.”

Dina sent you a weak smile, but before she could answer, a shot rang off in the distance and cut her off.

“Shit,” you said, reaching for your pack.

Another shot. Then another, closer this time.

It was unmistakably from the direction that Ellie had gone.

Both you and Dina kept your guns trained firmly on the patch of the woods that Ellie had disappeared into, hearing nothing but the sound of your breathing. Even the birds had gone quiet, scared into silence from the loud noise.

One more shot rang out before the sound was replaced by crashing in an underbrush.

Ellie appeared in the meadow, gun drawn and chest rising and falling rapidly.

“Ellie!” You momentarily forgot your fear of being jumped by something in the woods and rushed towards her.

She was covered in blood and reeked of that sickeningly sweet stench that could only come from someone infected with Cordyceps. It took you a few agonizing seconds to realize that the blood wasn’t hers—just splatters from whoever was on the other end of her gun.

“What happened?” you asked, eyes wide.

Ellie holstered her gun. Then she swallowed. “I was setting another snare and got jumped. Apparently there were a few by the creek—probably carried in from a town by the current. It’s fine. I took care of them.”

“You don’t look fine,” said Dina from behind you. “You look like shit.”

“I could say the same for you.”

That shut Dina up.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Your fingers danced across the planes of her face, checking to see if there were any wounds. You didn’t understand why she’d set a snare when you were all getting picked up in less than 24 hours and already had enough food, but you decided to save that line of questioning for another time.

“I’m fine,” she promised. “They didn’t get me.”

Satisfied, you returned to your makeshift camp and helped Dina build a small fire to warm up the last of your rations. Ellie sat beside you on the sleeping bag, suspiciously quiet. Once all three of you had finished eating and the sun finally disappeared, Dina passed out cold, leaving you and Ellie.

“You really scared me today,” you said, your voice soft in an attempt to not stir Dina.

“I can handle myself.” Ellie reached up and affectionately tapped the top of your nose. “Don’t worry about me.”

You stared into her eyes, feeling a swell of affection so potent that you probably would’ve been forced to take a seat if you weren’t already. She still hadn’t cleaned off the speckles of blood on her face—probably because she hadn’t noticed. There were no mirrors in the woods.

“You have something” was all you said before you reached up to her face, pulling the sleeve of your shirt under your fingers so you could thumb away the droplets on her cheek. She graciously allowed it, not even flinching when you pressed too hard on her nose.

“Sorry,” you whispered guiltily.

You were sure she was going to make some sort of snarky comment in response, but to your surprise, she didn’t. She leaned forward and kissed you deeply instead, threading her fingers into the hair at the nape of your neck and tilting your head.

It was a real kiss. She hadn’t really kissed you since you left Jackson.

Even after she pulled away, her touch lingered, her hands resting on your neck and in your hair. There was still a little blood on her, but the fire was quickly dying and without it one ill slip of the hand might result in poking her eye out, so you refrained and just joined her in the sleeping bag.

Ellie didn’t say anything for a while, instead just wrapping her arms around you and resting her head on your shoulder. Her breathing was slow and even, and for a while you thought she’d actually fallen asleep.

Then she spoke. “I’m really glad I met you.”

“I’m really glad I met you, too,” you said, the smile that spread across your lips entirely uncontrollable. You couldn’t remember the last time Ellie had so willingly offered such affectionate words unprompted.

You slept easily that night, listening to the sounds of Ellie breathing and tangling your fingers into her hair.

The next morning arrived quickly, and before you knew it, the sun was high in the sky and your trio was poised at the edge of the meadow, waiting anxiously.

For a moment, you genuinely wondered if Joel had been wrong—if the coordinates had been copied down incorrectly—if they had given up on retrieving you after all. As you and Dina and Ellie stood, there was nothing but the heavy blanket of silence weighing over your shoulders.

Not even the birds were singing.

That should’ve tipped you off, you realized. Not a second later after this revelation did the rattling chop chop chop of a helicopter’s wings begin to sound from the distance.

Dina gasped, her finger lifting as she pointed to the horizon. “Is that them?”

Crows leapt from the peaks of the forest, taking to the sky in troves as a black helicopter appeared over the treeline, small at first but growing quickly.

“Better hope they land quickly,” said Ellie gruffly. “Every infected in earshot is going to come sprinting once it lands.”

That thought hadn’t occurred to you, and you gulped at the prospect of having to outrun a horde just in the nick of time to leap onto the helicopter

But as the helicopter drew closer and began to descend, sending a strong gust of wind that gathered your hair and whipped it away from your face, fear wasn’t the only emotion flooding through you. It was accompanied by relief.

You’d made it. You’d traveled nearly a week in the wilderness to get here, and all of you came out in one piece, even with Dina’s rapidly declining state.

And all of you were coming to Terranova.

Maybe once it finally sunk in for Ellie that you were both safe, she’d finally go back to being more vulnerable with you.

The helicopter touched down roughly, nearly pitching to the side as it rocked on the uneven footing before it managed to steadily distribute its weight on its landing skids. After spending months away from home, the roar of the motor and the distinct smell of gasoline in the air felt foreign.

The door in its body opened up, halving the painted copy of the blue and white Terranovan flag as two men dressed in what you could only describe as military uniforms and carrying guns leapt out.

Guns? Why did they have guns?

“Y/N?” one of them yelled, holding the hand that wasn’t gripping his rifle to shield his eyes from the sun. “Y/N Y/L/N? Is that you?”

There was something in the tone of his voice that tugged at the strings of your memory. He almost sounded like—

“Simon?” you called out, a grin splitting your face. “Is that you?”

Simon had been a classmate of yours in high school, a distant family friend. You hadn’t seen him since you moved onto university, though.

“Who are your friends?” he yelled back, though the blade was slowing down as the motor cut out and another soldier appeared behind him.

“Dina and Ellie,” you said. “They—they saved me. They’re going to stay with my family until we figure things out.”

It was difficult to see well with the blindingly bright sun, but you could just feel his disbelieving stare. One of his colleagues leaned over to him and whispered something in his ear, and he nodded, holstering his gun and reaching for something else on his belt.

“What are you doing?” you asked, nervousness building. You’d never really let yourself consider the possibility that they wouldn’t let Dina and Ellie in with you. With your parents being who they were to the founder, it was difficult to imagine them saying no to anything you asked, especially when Simon knew your family personally.

“Mandatory testing,” said Simon, waving a black contraption with a flashing screen that you’d never seen before. “If they pass, they can come.”

You audibly sighed in relief, letting out a laugh that sounded more like a choked sob. In that moment, you could’ve hugged Simon.

They were coming.

You turned to Ellie, ready to celebrate the good news with her. She was already looking back, but she wasn’t smiling.

“Y/N,” she said, her voice unlike anything you’d ever heard from her mouth before. It was resigned, solemn. “I need to tell you something.”

There was a beep to your left, and you saw that the screen on the black stick had turned green upon touching Dina’s skin.

“Can it wait?” you asked, looking eagerly towards the testing tool. If Ellie’s prediction of all the infected in the area being drawn to the commotion was correct, you wanted out of there as soon as possible. “We’ll have plenty of time to talk on the ride there.”

“No,” she said shortly. “We need to talk now.”

Without paying any attention to the words exchanged, Simon stepped towards you and pressed the machine into the flesh of your forearm. It was cool and slightly damp. Within seconds, there was a flash of green as the display came alive.

“What can you possibly have to say to me now?” you asked, keeping your voice light despite the return of that nagging dread that something was terribly wrong.

Ellie opened her mouth, then shut it, casting her green eyes up to the sky and blinking rapidly. It could have just been the trick of the light, or maybe it was just sweat, but you could have sworn the droplet that Ellie swiped away quickly under her eye was a tear.

Simon moved onto Ellie, and after what looked like some deliberation on her part, she obediently let him lift her hand and press the tester into her skin.

“Spit it out. You’re making me nervous,” you said, your voice wavering as it weakly attempted to sound light-hearted, because she really was stressing you out.

Ellie met your eyes, her lips slightly parted as her eyebrows drew together. There was that look again—the one that you could never decipher. The one that almost looked like an apology.

The screen glowed red.

For a moment everything froze. Then someone who sounded like you screamed.

“She’s staying,” said Simon, stepping away from Ellie quickly. “Let’s load up.”

“No!” you cried, grabbing onto Ellie’s arm and holding tight. “She’s not infected. Something’s wrong with your scanner.”

“Nothing’s wrong with it,” said Simon. “She’s sick. We need to go before she turns.”

“She’s not!” you argued back, putting yourself in between Simon and Ellie. “I’ve been with her for the past week. If she’d been bit, I’d know it.”

A hand rested on your shoulder. “Y/N, you have to let me go. I’m sorry.”

You whipped around to stare at her, tears spilling from your eyes. Ellie was looking back at you, her face broken.

“I’m sorry,” she said again, softer this time. “I’m really sorry.”

“When?” you managed to choke out. “How?”

She just smiled sadly at you, her eyes flicking over your shoulder to look at the Terranovan authorities behind you before resting on you again. “You’ll be okay. Go on, alright?”

“You can’t be infected,” you tried again, but even as the words came out of your mouth you weren’t sure if they were true. You’d cleaned off Ellie after she’d told you about the run in she’d had the evening before, but you’d never asked to check her. It was totally possible that she’d been bit and you’d never known. “Not after—not after everything you’ve been through. You can’t.”

Then she stepped forward, drawing you into her arms and curling them around your sides. You buried your face into her neck, not caring about how hard you were crying now. She let you hang onto her, let your fingers twist in the fabric of her windbreaker.

“I lo—”

“Don’t,” she said hoarsely, finally dropping her arms and stepping away from you. “Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

Simon wrapped a commanding hand around the flesh of your arm, tugging you away.

“I’m never going to forget you,” you rushed out, twisting in his grip as you tried to meet her eyes. “I won’t. I promise.”

In response, Ellie raised a hand, waving to you as Simon dragged you up into the helicopter. There was no surprise on her face—just a sense of resignation that made you realize that she’d already prepared for this. Probably last night, when you were trying to sleep.

That’s what she’d wanted to tell you. She’d wanted to say goodbye.

Simon shut the door, yelling something to the man sitting in front of you in the cockpit. Dina wrapped her arm around you, pulling you into her side, whispering something that was probably meant to be comforting in your ear. But you couldn’t hear anything, couldn’t focus on anything but the Ellie-shaped shadow slowly fading into the backdrop as you took to the sky.

Before you knew it, that was gone too.

final a/n: after this we are out of the woods! i am so sorry again for making u all wait so long for something with this kind of cliffhanger. i sincerely wish that i had more time to work on this fic. i really want to get it finished before my semester ends in may tho so i can just work on original work after so i’ll try and churn out the next 2 parts + the epilogue!! thank you for reading as always!

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams imagine #ellie williams x oc #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams x you #ellie williams angst

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kairismess · 4 months

Text

.•*★︎彡 multiple characters . . .

his girl. (part 1) - daichi sawamura + kotaro bokuto

his girl. (part 2) - asahi azumane + shinsuke kita

his girl. (part 3) - hajime iwaizumi + wakatoshi ushijima

haikyuu pair headcanons - kuroo + kenma

first kisses with the haikyuu characters.

i love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard? - haikyuu angst headcanons.

haikyuu teams with a foreign manager

their ideal dates. (part 1) -kei tsukishima + osamu miya + kenma kozume

their ideal dates. (part 2) - kotaro bokuto + tetsurou kuroo + tooru oikawa

pocky challenge with him. (part 1) - tobio kageyama + kei tsukishima + yuu nishinoya

pocky challenge with him. (part 2) - tetsurou kuroo + satori tendou + keiji akaashi

pocky challenge with him. (part 3) - osamu miya + atsumu miya + kotaro bokuto

pocky challenge with him. (part 4) - kenma kozume + tadashi yamaguchi + koushi sugawara

the lipstick trend challenge with him. - kei tsukishima + tobio kageyama + kotaro bokuto

his streamer girlfriend. (part 1) - tetsurou kuroo + koushi sugawara + hajime iwaizumi + osamu miya

when he loves me... - koushi sugawara + shoyo hinata + tadashi yamaguchi + lev haiba

he might've... messed up. - atsumu miya + tooru oikawa + rintaro suna

haikyuu boys when you do their hair. - tetsurou kuroo + kenma kozume + tooru oikawa + tadashi yamaguchi

the haikyuu boys at a beach resort with you. - atsumu miya + kiyoomi sakusa + yuu nishinoya + asahi azumane

how the haikyuu boys react to your forehead kisses. - shoyo hinata + tobio kageyama + tadashi yamaguchi

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dabiekql · 1 year

Text

HQ Akaashi - Y/N Getting in Accident (Angst to Fluff)

-----

Imagine Y/n getting into an accident that she had to be hospitalized, but it just happened to be when Akaashi was out of town due to work. Y/n debates whether or not she should contact and inform Akaashi about her situation, but she decided to go against it since she didn't want to bother him. Also, it wasn't like she was dying, she should be released soon. She thought it wasn't much of a big deal.

However, her being silent doesn't mean that Akaashi won't be informed of her situation. She forgot about that part that she was shock when her door opened with a loud bang, revealing Akaashi who was out of breath.

"Keiji...?" Y/n called out his name in shock. "What are you doing here? How about work? How did you know I was here?"

When Akaashi looked up, Y/n bit her lips and looked away from him. She saw how he was at the verge of breaking down. She didn't mean to cause him any worries. She felt fine, so she didn't contact him, but apparently that wasn't what Akaashi wanted.

"Why...?" Akaashi mumbled as he approached her. When y/n looked at him hesitantly, he kneeled beside her bed and held her hands tightly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Y/n opened her mouth to speak, but she couldn't really form any words as she didn't know what to say exactly. Should she be honest? Or should she apologize first?

At her hesitation, Akaashi's grip tightened. "Am I that unreliable? Am I nothing to you?"

"No, of course not!" Y/n said in a hurry. "I... I just... I'm sorry..."

At her apology, Akaashi let out a shaky breath before speaking. "Please... Do you know how I felt when I heard from someone else that you were in an accident? The fact that I wasn't there for you as soon as you woke up, it just broke my heart..."

"I'm sorry, Keiji..." Y/n said in a low voice. "I just didn't want to bother you since you were out of town and I felt fine, so I thought it wasn't significant."

"Everything about you is significant... So please, don't keep these things from me. Tell me..." Akaashi said with pleading voice. "I want to be there for you. To be able to support you, to be someone you can rely on. I want to be your pillar."

Y/n felt her eyes turning teary at his words as she nodded. At her actions, Akaashi sighed in relief before hugging her tightly.

It was like everything went back to normal after this incident, but this somewhat have traumatized Akaashi that he developed the habit to video call rather than messaging her since she can just lie through text. But he will still message her even more frequently to check up on her and tries not to go out of town, making sure he was beside her. At the same time, he will take care of her even more than he used to, keeping a hawk eye on her.

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mchlgayser · 1 year

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✮ us against the problem ft akaashi keiji

synopsis: Being in a three-year-old relationship with your boyfriend is never a hard task considering how collected, composed, and matured he can be.

─── ୨୧ warning: slight angst, and miscommunication

─── ୨୧ notes: I got my heart broken once again, by a different guy 💔 this pain is unbearable and to stabilize my mental, I'm doing a drabble of the loml akaashi. Question: where to find an Akaashi Keiji? Comment your ideas! ... And feedback, thank you, and happy reading xoxo.

It was supposed to be a date, a date both you and Akaashi planned. A date to reconnect you both after weeks away from each other. It wasn't a problem for Akaashi since he's rarely going out for work but works at home instead but it was the otherwise for you, you are a flight attendant, always traveling and not home but today you supposed to be back after almost two weeks staying in London, England but a scene broke off that you had delayed your way home two days after. To make matter worse, you accidentally lost your phone at the airport during your work hours.

You've had to try calling him a few times but he wasn't picking up. After the problem was solved you didn't waste a single minute but to get home fast. You need to see your boyfriend. He might be getting worried about your whereabouts and well-being. The next wink, you entered the apartment, you could almost sense the clouded-over surroundings, the curtains is not pushed or tucked away like usual. It was dimmed. You put aside the luggage and stroll to your bedroom. The bathroom is running, so you assumed that he was bathing. You sit on the bed hitting yourself with a strong minty cologne of his. That sweet, peppermint smell hints at a tinge of his lavender-flavored shampoo.

As soon as the faucet closed, you stood up straight like you are in the military. The bathroom door slid open and his sight came into view. His half-bare and damp sight with a clean towel top his disheveled hair. He stops on his tracks, eyes moving from your feet to your face. You croak a nervous smile his way but he stood there, not saying anything.

You try to put on your acts, trying not to be so obvious by the fact that you are overwhelmed by his presence after nearly a month of not seeing each other.

'I missed you.' You said, eyes moving around the room watching him rummage through the closet to put on his shirt and short pant 'Yeah, me too.' He throws aside the towel on the bed and moves outside leaving you in utter disbelief. You try to maintain your cool despite the anger and heat building up in you. You stare at the spot he was at earlier, and pick up the towel he tossed away to go and shower, yourself.

You've had to compose your emotion, after bathing you strut your way to his on the couch 'Why are you like this? Are you fine?' You put the back of your palm to his forehead and he lets you be before he momentarily yanks his face 'I was worried, sick. I wonder where could've you been? Why haven't you answered my calls, and why you ditched me on that date? I was... Worried.' You try to reason with yourself but he cuts you off 'Do you know I was worried! And...! That date, was supposed to be our date, the one you promise to be at to spend our time together. You know, these days, it's fewer attempts from you to reconnect us again...' A hitch breath stuck on your throat, it's tight and suffocating. One more word coming from him, you are sure you'll break down in guilt.

Tears began to form in your eyes, you tilt your head back to dry the tear off and wipe the access 'I... I'm sorry... Something happened that day, when I was supposed to get back and my phone... I lost it, I try calling you a few times using co-worker's phone but you didn't pick up... I'm sorry... I'm sorry Keiji, I'm sorry that it seems like I haven't done enough these past weeks, I'm so, so sorry... I will do better-' He immediately brings an arm around you, his palm on your torso to pull you closer. The tears you fight back so greatly earlier fell like endless rain. You clutch on his shirt as you sobs from guilt and fatigue.

Once you calmed down, Akaashi push you away just a few inches to get a closer look at your face, your eyes swollen and tear-stained, your nose red and almost runny. You sniffle and groan at the same time, your nose clogged from crying and you try to unblock it with a harsh stroke of your nose. He took your balling fists, gripping them and bringing them closer to his cheek, his thumbs caressing the back of your palms and occasionally left kisses on your hand.

'My fault. I didn't hear your side of the story at first but can't help by feeling upset. That was so unlike me. I guarantee you, it'll never happen again. Sorry, Y/n.' You jump on him, hands on his neck burying your face in between his shoulder and collarbone.

'We are both at fault but partially mine if you think about it, and it's okay to show your unusual self to me. I fell in love with you who are you, not only the perfect, mature, and composed Keiji.' He fondled your back leaving featherlight kisses on your neck and down your shoulder.

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sleepyxxhead · 10 months

Note

Could u do Haikyuu setters getting mad at their s/o because they missed their game because they were busy? Thank u 💕

A/n: I’m so bad at writing angst but why is this such a good ideafjdkla;jfdskl TY FOR THE REQ!! I’ll do a pt. 2 with more setters/characters if you guys req.! Please req. more characters for me to do <3

Genres: angst | comfort

Characters: Kageyama Tobio | Kenma Kozume | Akaashi Keiji | Oikawa Toru

Kageyama Tobio - Please don’t leave me!

wc: 321

You were sitting at your desk, getting some work done as you heard the door close. “Tobio?” You call out.

No response.

You found him sitting on your shared bed looking angry. “How’d you do, darling?” you ask tenderly.

“We won,” he mumbled with a scowl on his face.

“You don’t look like you’re too happy about it. What happened?” you sat down next to him on the bed.

He looked at you with a hurt expression on his face. “Why didn’t you come..?”

Your eyes immediately widened in shock. Guilt poured over you. “Tobio-”

“That was a really important game to me,” he whispered, voice trembling.

“I’m so sorry, I was busy with work-”

“You’re always busy with work!” he shouted out, tears welling up in his eyes. “You’re never there!”

“Tobio…” you whisper, tears of guilt and shame streaming down your cheeks.

Kageyama stood up, and walked out of the room. “Tobio..? Where are you going?”

“Tobio?” You ran after him, desperation rising in your chest. How could lose this? How would you live without him?

“TOBIO!” You cried out, bowing down on your knees.

Hearing the absolute anguish and distress in your voice, Kageyama turned around.

“Please don’t break up with me! I’m so so sorry! I’ll never miss a game of yours again! I love you with my whole heart so please don’t leave me!” You sobbed with misery, feeling the end drawing close.

Kageyama took a step towards you and kneeled down. The sound of misery and desperation in your voice hurt his heart too much to leave you. He tapped you on the head with his finger.

Looking up, you saw a broken version of Kageyama. His expression was calm, but his eyes full of hurt, his face wet from tears.

He stared into your eyes for just a second and pulled you into the tightest hug you had ever received.

“I love you too.”

Kenma Kozume - I forgive you

wc: 251

Kenma: we won. omw to your house

Y/n: congrats! ily <3

Read at 8:23 p.m.

Kenma unlocked your front door with the spare key you gave him. After greeting your mom, he headed to your room.

“Kenma! Congrats!” you wrapped him up in a bear hug. “Kenma?” You tilted your head to the side, confused as to why Kenma looked so disappointed.

“What’s wrong, Ken?” you asked him.

“Nothing,” he whispered, looking at his feet.

“Kenma. Was it me?”

He turned his head towards you slowly, meeting your eyes. “I guess I’m just… mad at you.”

Your eyes widened. “I’m so sorry, what did I do?”

“It’s more like what you didn’t do…” he trailed off. “I wish you would’ve come to my game.”

He looked away from you, tears in his eyes. It wasn’t apparent, but Kenma actually cared about volleyball. He cared about a lot of things other than video games. He searched through the crowd to find you, hoping that you could find time to come, but he realized that you weren’t going to show up.

“Kenma…” you watched as he wept silently. “I’m so so sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“No. It’s not!” you yelled, fighting back tears. “I wasn’t there for you when it really mattered!” You wrapped him up into a hug, holding on tight. You couldn’t lose him. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me; I’ll come to all of your games from now on!”

“Y/n…” Kenma mumbled through tears. “I forgive you.”

Akaashi Keiji - Paradise

wc: 435

“Akaashi?” You looked up from your laptop, hearing the door open. You’re eyebrows creased when you saw the angry expression on his face. “Is everything alright, darling? I thought you won.”

“We did win,” Akaashi mumbled bitterly. “You would’ve known that if you came, though.”

He tore off his coat and shook off his shoes before heading to your shared room. “Akaashi?” You followed him to your room, seeing him pacing back and forth.

“I’m sorry I was busy-”

“You’re always busy! You’re never there! You’ve come to one of my games in the two years that we’ve dated each other! This is something I care about! HOW COULD YOU NOT CARE!?” He shouted at you as tears fell down his face.

You stood in the doorway in shock, tears welling up in your eyes. You couldn’t bare to see the one you loved so much with so much pain and hurt in his eyes, but yet again, you were the one who had caused it.

You stood in silence as you watched him storm off and down the stairs. Suddenly, a thought appeared in your mind. I’m about to lose him.

Instantaneously, your feet started moving. Tears rolled down your cheeks as you yelled after Akaashi. “Please don’t leave! Let me fix this! Akaashi I love you!”

The front door slammed shut. It’s over. You’re paradise is leaving you.

You crumpled up into a ball, sobbing, mumbling to yourself, “Please don’t leave. I love you. I love you. I love you…”

Akaashi went on a walk. He needed to clear his mind. He was so angry at you, but the way you looked so broken when he left made him feel so guilty. Suddenly, a thought appeared in his head.

That’s it. She’s going to leave you.

His eyes widened at the sudden thought. Almost as fast as the thought came to him, he turned around and started sprinted towards home.

He opened the door, breathing heavily, to find you curled up into a ball on the ground, sleeping. He noticed that your eyes were puffy and your face was wet. Seeing you like that made him feel absolutely terrible.

He dried your face with his thumbs and scooped you up into his arms. He carried you to your bedroom and tucked you in. After he took a shower, he laid in bed next to you.

“I’m sorry Y/n. I didn’t mean to hurt you so badly. Please forgive me…” he said, voice shaking.

Your sleeping body wrapped your arms around Akaashi and pulled him closer. “I’m sorry,” you whispered into his chest.

Oikawa Toru - Addicted

wc: 223

“Y/n, how could you miss that game! How could you miss so many games! You’re always too busy! Why can’t you just show up for once!” Oikawa shouted at you.

“I-I’m sorry Toru.” Your voice shook as you saw tears racing down his face.

He looked at you, the agony in his eyes stinging you.

“I’m sorry! You’re right! I’m never there when I should be! But please…” you trailed off, hot tears staining your face. “Don’t leave me. Please forgive me! I’ll show up to every ga-”

“I forgive you…” He looked to the side. “How could I not… When I love you so much? I love you so much it hurts. I get butterflies every time I see you! My stomach does flips when I hear your name! Y/n, your love is like a drug and I’m addicted. I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU!”

You stood in front of him, eyes wide with shock.

“I’ll always forgive you Y/n. No matter what you do, I’ll always love you too much. No matter how painful, I’ll forgive you! No matter how-”

You wrapped your arms around Oikawa’s torso, holding him so tight you thought you might break his ribs.

“I forgive you, Y/n,” he whispered, holding you close. “I love you too much not to.”

A/n: OMG WHY IS ANGST SO HARD TO WRITE? My heart hurts. I hope yours does too. That’s how I’ll know I did my job 🫡. Have a nice day cutie <33

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sweetheartsaku · 1 month

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—akaashi keiji ; sharing my heart is tearing it apart

a/n ; [fem!reader] THIS IS ACTUALLY MY ENGLISH ESSAY I RE-WROTE TO FIT WITH AKAASHI. 😭 this is angst no comfort by the way :3

chrysanthemum !

the oceans whisper sounded like an owl’s coo, a melody that no one else could treasure except y/n. never eerie, but a comfortingly cold embrace. the breeze was chilly, looking up to the hole of light in the sky. it felt like a fever dream, but only to y/n. a passing midnight breeze sends a feverish chill down her spine, all the way down to the edge of her worn out white sneakers digging into the crisp sand. the ocean sways and dances gently, as the waves glisten in the moonlight.

hands in the pocket of her white windbreaker, staring down as her shoes make prints in the sand. alternative rock blasts through her ears, which bass makes a faint noise outside of her earphones mushing with the wave’s tranquil calls.

“y/n?”

“what are you doing here?” the same voice gently asks.

swiftly, y/n looks back, eyes widening. in the midst of the dark, her eyes interlock with the owner of the familiar voice.

“keiji? i-… i’m… just… having some time to myself.” she mutters.

“another fight?” he knew her mind lingered on the thought that she was the reason her parents mercilessly fought every day. keiji knew, by the way her eyebrows stitch together a little tighter and her voice a little deeper. every day he wishes it was him who had to endure what she goes through.

“i…” her voice breaks.

keiji takes a step closer, a hand away. he extends his hand, slim and tan.

y/n crashes her body onto his. keiji has no hesitation into accepting her call for help in her grasp and the tight clench she had on the back of his now tear-soaked jacket. y/n's vision is hazy, helpless head in a daze.

“i wish i was buried six feet underground, but oh my i also wish i was buried in your arms.” she thought. she holds a grudge against herself like she does a hand.

“why would you even glance at a wretch like me?” she muttered.

he purses his lips. “i comfort because you cannot save people. you can only love them.”

y/n ponders if she is really worth of this love. was she born without love or just unlovable?

the night is over-time, and the sunrise is late, orange beams bleeding into the border of the horizon and its misty clouds. the sky appeared as a child had grazed the sky with warm and cold tones of chalk.

y/n breaks the hug, hands still on his waist, wind breaking the silence and its tension. her eyes now outlined a blush rose colour, so beautiful yet holding so much pain by a thread.

“let’s take down the world together.” words sweet as a treat, dripping of honey, the uttered words glued into y/n’s mind.

they walk pinkies intertwined; souls taped together by band-aids.

the bustling of early school arrives, the noise of chirping seagulls fills arabella’s ears.

keiji looks up to the skies, “it’s nice having our school near the beach. it puts you at ease quickly.”

y/n and keiji bid their farewells to separate paths for their first period. keiji eyes stick to y/n's hesitant pinkie still woven onto his.

y/n watches keiji as he walks off, but something catches her eyes making her glimpse back to his direction.

keiji, hands holding onto another girls.

they shared a smile, then a toothy giggle.

keiji lifts their laced hands to his lips, pressing their hands onto the same lips that once reclaimed that they would take down the world together.

his smile like cold ice-tea, sparkly eyes of a dull gunmetal blue and heart as full and warm as a bonfire.

y/n’s chest tightened; throat clenched by a merciless thorned hand. her heart felt heavy, as it was pulled by the heartstrings, blood dripping from it. the blood builds up into a lump in her throat, making her trance a muddy and smeared blur.

it felt like heart was cracking. snapping, even.

too immune to cry, all the blades that dug deep into her back felt like feathers. no more shine in her eyes, but now rotten. the heart she wore on her sleeve, stepped on and bruised.

chrysanthemums, which can mean "i love you" in some cultures, but "you're a wonderful friend" in others.

all she wanted was to be loved so desperately that her fingers shook with it,

“i am not beautiful.”

“but i could be.”