Safeword. ft Zhongli + fem!reader
cw/tags: a bit of anxiety/panic attack, bit of dirty talk but it's all praise, bit of nipple play and fingering, safeword use, bondage (tied arms, blindfold) hurt/comfort, aftercare, just reader in general dealing with negative feelings but being comforted PLEASE BE WARNED IF THIS MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. READ THE TAGS.
notes: I literally just woke up and wrote this in a rush in my phone lmao what. Listen my mood jumps between depressed and horny and I've always loved safeword use and aftercare done right, it is very important and intimate. Also who doesn't want Zhongli softly soothing and kissing them? I almost made this gender neutral reader but I ended up being self indulgent so sorry.
Everything felt hot, too hot, but not in a good way. It was... sticky, ah, uncomfortable.
You squirm a little, shifting on your legs until you feel Zhongli's hands slowly caress your skin, making you shiver. His breath fans your neck "Good girl.” He mumbles at your shoulder, and kisses there.
Yes, this was fine. This is what you wanted, to just let go and release that pent up energy.
Right?
"Hmm... you've been so stressed lately, darling, haven't you?" His strong hands start massaging and kneading at your shoulders and you groan, it feels pretty good.
Until one of his palms lowers to your chest and starts playing with one of your nipples and you hiss. It hardens under his attention, sure, but feels... odd, it kind of hurts.
You shift again awkwardly, and the rope holding your wrists together digs into your skin.
You don't know what's wrong but something is. You don't feel the same lightheadedness as usual, in fact you're hyperaware, parted lips panting but the pressure is not on your lower belly, it’s at your chest instead. It feels cold, empty, oppressive.
Your hands clench into fists and you whimper.
Zhongli kisses around your chest down to your navel and that feels good too, tender, loving. His voice soothes you, even though you feel oddly disconnected.
"You look so beautiful my dear, laid out like this."
Did you really? The anxiety starts gnawing at you, body tense. Your mind is far away, going over some dumb mistake you made some days ago, some stupid thing you said last week...
You've been so frustrated lately, feeling sad, and angry, and disappointed and-
Zhongli's thumb circles over your clit and you gasp and keen, hips jerking on reflex.
Oh. That felt good, but-
But then why did you feel so wrong?
"Z-Zhongli." You hiccup. Voice wobbly, you feel your eyes start to water. What is wrong with you? You're suffocating. Choked up. Sweaty and awkward and-
His fingers dip inside you and you clench on them, crying out.
"Fuck... Y/N you're so tight." He rasps.
It's too much, you can't, you can't-
"Hng r-red. Red!"
In an instant you feel the mattress dip and shift with his weight as Zhongli quickly takes off your blindfold, and just like that the damn breaks. You start crying and hyperventilating as he curses and immediately frees your hands.
"Y/N, my love, are you alright? I'm so sorry." He starts, and though his voice is leveled as ever you can feel the slight stutter of panic. "It's alright, everything is okay, I'm sorry."
You shake your head, crying into your hands, you want to tell him it's not him. It's never him. But words fail you, you breath stutters.
You know he won't touch you without explicit permission, so you lean into him, your smaller frame trembling as you press closer to his chest. You need this. You need him.
"May I embrace you darling?" You nod frantically and feel his arms curl around you just so slightly, as to not make you feel trapped. One of his hands sweeps your hair over your shoulder and starts rubbing circles on your back, soft. "Is this alright?" He asks.
You nod and try to find your voice again "S-sorry. Sorry... don't k-know... wh-what's wrong."
Zhongli shushes you gently. "Please my love breathe, focus on calming down, slowly. It's ok. Just breathe. I'm so glad you used your safeword. You did well."
You placed a hand at your chest feeling your fast paced heartbeat and trying to calm down a little, regulating your breathing, leaning onto his comfortable touch and words.
You made Zhongli worry, you panicked out of nowhere and still don't know why, you feel dumb, needy, annoying. "S-sorry I'm-" You sob. "Don't know what's wrong...” You repeat unable to find words to express that creeping cold numb feeling that took hold you. “Please d-don't be upset." You add quietly.
You hear him sigh, his hand never stopping tracing soft shapes on your skin. "May I kiss you?" He asked instead and you gave a weak nod. Zhongli planted a soft kiss on your hair, on your forehead. "My dear, I would never be upset. I love you. I'd never wish to make you uncomfortable, I'm sorry I didn't notice in time." Zhongli sighs again, heavy. "But right now, I need you to calm down, you don't have to explain or apologize at all, what matters is that you're safe, and I'm here for you for anything you need."
Your eyes flutter close and minutes pass by while he holds you, whispering sweet nothings, your breathing calming down to a steady rhythm. You place a small fleeting kiss against his shoulder and he replied by nuzzling at the top of your head. After a while, you shift and look up at him, red puffy eyes staring at his beautiful cor lapis ones.
"Better?" He asks, swiping his thumb over your cheek tenderly. You nod. "Would you like to eat something? Or I can prepare a bath for you?"
Oh he's so doting, your heart flutters. "Zhongli I'm- I'm sorry I didn't want to make you worry." You can see he's holding back from objecting again but lets you continue. "It's just... I've been so stressed lately and I thought, if we... played... I could let out all that. I-It did feel good! But then it was just... too much. I don't know." You avert your gaze. “It wasn’t you I promise, I just got overwhelmed and everything felt… wrong.”
Zhongli caresses your cheek with his knuckles softly "As I said, you have nothing to apologize for dear, and I'm glad you spoke up. I'd be happy to offer you whatever support you want and take care of you. You're beautiful, hardworking, strong, kind, and I love you."
You feel your cheeks heat slightly and let out a small smile. You're truly literally blessed to have him. "C-Can I... take you up on that bath offer?"
He chuckles, and it's so refreshing. "Of course." He kisses you again and you nuzzle into his touch this time.
"I love you too, Zhongli. Thank you."
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the first language
Touch comes before sight, before speech. It is the first language and the last, and it always tells the truth. ~ Margaret Atwood
"Simon! Simon!" Finn shouted excitedly as he and Jake burst into Simon's house. Well it had technically been Marcy's first but though it's only been a few months since Simon became human again, it felt like it had always been their place. "Wait until you hear about this crazy wild monster we foug-"
"Stop," Simon commanded, peeking around from around the kitchen wall to give them a light glare, his lips pressed together in a line. He and Jake froze midstep. Finn was a bold teenage adventurer who took orders from no monster, king or extraterrestrial entity. Until Simon, only PB could boss them around and even that wasn't a sure thing. The older human flicked his eyes over them with an unimpressed stare that made Finn want to shrink into himself. Even without powers or magic, Simon was way more intimidating than Ice King.
"You boys are filthy and I just cleaned up the place." Simon sighed and rubbed at his eyes underneath his glasses. "There's a hose outside, wash off the worst of the dirt and other various stains. I'll leave towels on the porch and for god's sake take off your shoes before you come in."
"Yeah okay, sorry Simon," Finn said, trudging outside and turning on the hose to spray down his arms and legs. Now that he looked, they were pretty gnarly covered in mud and monster guts.
"Simon's kinda like a mom, dontcha think?" Jake added as Finn sprayed him down with the hose. He laughed as Jake guzzled some of the water and spat it back at him.
"I mean I guess," Finn shrugged, pointing the hose up so they both were getting rained on. "It's kinda nice you know, to be fussed over. It's different."
"I fuss over you," Jake frowned.
"I know man and I appreciate it," Finn said, showing his appreciation by spraying Jake in the face. "I can't explain it but it's different with Simon, kind of like how you and Lady have your own thing going on that's special but separate from what you and I have."
"Yeah okay," Jake responded. "Is that why you insist on stopping by to see him anytime we're in the area?" Finn didn't answer, instead impressing Jake but wiggling the hose to make it look like a snake. They continued to laugh and splash each other with the water until Simon stepped outside and hung some towels on the porch.
"When you're done playing, I have hot chocolate waiting for you. Then you can tell me all about your latest adventure," Simon smiled before stepping back inside. Finn whooped and rushed over to turn off the hose. Hopefully Marcy wouldn't be back before all the water on her porch and front lawn dried.
They toweled off and Finn did remember to take off his shoes before entering the house. The place looked different from when it was just Marcy living there. The small loveseat had been exchanged for a bigger couch along with some mismatched armchairs. A keyboard was propped in the corner next to Marcy's bass. The house was cleaner, more organized with Simon around. It really felt like a home.
Simon was at the stove, stirring something in a pot as they took their seats at the kitchen table. Their assigned mugs were set out for them and snacks were on a large plate in the middle. He and Jake dug in. Simon came up behind them and poured the hot chocolate into their mugs from the pot and sat down, pouring his own cup.
"Finn, your hat still has blood on it," Simon noted, taking a sip. "How do you usually clean it?"
"Oh uh you know, I usually just rinse it off and if it gets too grody or it comes to life, I go skin another bear," Finn said awkwardly. Simon nodded as if he expected such an answer and excused himself to go get something.
"Ohhhh Finn's in trouble with Mommmm," Jake sang under his breath and Finn kicked him under the table. Simon returned with a box of something before it could escalate into a full out foot war.
"Animal skin usually requires special care, it's doubtful those products exist anymore so we can also use shampoo to get some of those stains out. May I?" Simon asked, holding his hand out.
"Oh yeah, thanks, Simon," Finn said pulling off his hat which caused his long hair to flop against his shirt with a wet plop. Jake snickered, it was probably getting time to cut it again. Like his hat, it was getting dirty and tangled, easier to just shave it all off. Simon turned on the sink and began gently washing the hat.
"I've talked a bit to your mother and some of the other Islanders and the history of humanity and the animals hats post-apocalypse really is interesting," Simon lectured. "The hats originally were intended to keep people warm in the elements but evolved to protect humans from vampiric attack, covering their vulnerable neck area. Even when vampires went extinct, humans continued to wear the skins as a form of cultural identity."
"Mom uh Jake and I's Mom said I was wearing a hat like that when they found me. It used to be the only clue I had about where I came from so I kept making similar hats in case someone was looking for me." Finn took a long sip from his cocoa to avoid the look Jake was giving him. He wasn't usually one for sentiment but hanging out with Simon usually made those deep inside feelings spill out.
"Okay, we'll just let that soak and- Finn," Simon said before turning around and sighing. "Finn, your hair is a mess. I keep telling you it's not healthy to jam your hair in that hat 24/7. Your scalp needs to breathe, especially with all the running around you do. Here," he grabbed the towel from earlier and wrapped it around Finn's shoulders. "Let me wash it for you and try to work out the worst of mess."
"Oh uh you don't have to it's fine, I'll take care of it when I'm home," Finn stumbled, embarrassed. Ice King had been a mess but Simon always looked so put together. It made Finn a bit self conscious but then again, until recently, he didn't have any other humans to compare himself to. Simon gently guided Finn back to the chair, tilting his head back.
"I want to," Simon smiled from his upside gaze. "I used to do this all the time for Marcy. Besides, we humans have to take care of each other after all." Simon poured some shampoo in his hands and went to work on Finn's hair. The feel of fingers scrubbing at his roots, running through the length of his hair and massaging those sensitive, untouched areas of his head made him go boneless. Finn groaned, worried that his bones had become soup and he'd slide right out of the chair and into a puddle on the floor. He can't remember ever feeling so relaxed in his life.
"Oh my glob Finn, are you alright? What did you do to him?" Jake demanded but Finn barely noticed. He felt like he was in the 47th Dead World or something where everything was good and nothing hurt.
"Head massages are relaxing to humans," Simon paused in his scrubbing and Finn moaned in disappointment. "Has he never had one of these before?"
"Mom and Dad used to pet us and I do it to Finn sometimes when he's upset," Jake defended.
"He's not a dog," Simon said, some unnameable emotion in his voice. "I'm sorry, I suppose I'm taking for granted what it was like to live in a society designed by and for humans. Finn, I'm going to rinse out your hair and start working on these knots. You really should work on maintaining your hair if you're going to keep it long. It's such a lovely color and texture."
"Hmm don't really know what to do with it, no one really had hair like mine," Finn mumbled as Simon rinsed the shampoo out.
"I suppose so and Marcy's is much thicker and textured requiring different styling," Simon mused out loud as he massaged some thick goop and gently, so gently, began working out the knots. Finn could die here happily. Jake hummed and stretched himself so he could see what Simon was doing.
"What's that stuff?"
"Conditioner or my best homemade equivalent with honey, olive oil and milk. It softens and moisturizes the hair and scalp. It will help prevent the hair from tangling so easily and overall keep it healthier, especially if he's going to continue to wear his signature hat," Simon explained. They chatted easily about human grooming methods while Finn's eyelids fluttered in relaxation, drifting in and out of the conversation as the comb made long, easy swipes through his hair before rinsing it out again. He loved his Mom and Dad, knew they did his best with him but he knows he missed out on something being raised by dogs. If he could recapture even a little bit of that missing piece with Simon...
"Finn? You still with us? Ground Control to Major Tom?" Simon teased, gently tapping at Finn's forehead. Finn blinked up at him. "What do you want me to do with it? I can braid it, put it in a ponytail, leave it flat." Finn wasn't ready to stop being touched.
"Braid please," he said quietly, sighing in contentment as Simon began combing and separating the strands.
"I'll write some notes on how to best care for it. Maybe next time you talk to your mother, you can get some ideas on what they've have been doing since I was last around." He paused in his braiding. "There's so much to being human, Finn, both past and present. Maybe it's selfish of me but I want you to proud of who you are. You may not be the last human anymore but that just means you're not alone. And we're done, not bad considering it's been about a millennia since I did my last braid."
With great reluctance, Finn raised himself up from the back of the chair. His braided hair was still wet but it felt cleaner and lighter than it had in a long time. Moreover, tension Finn didn't even realize had been in his neck, head and shoulders was gone. Jake suddenly popped into his vision.
"Bro, you look so pretty also like you just had the best rest of your life," he smiled awkwardly. "So is this like human equivalent of getting scratched in that itchy spot behind your ears? I guess that didn't really do anything for you, huh?" Finn smiled and reached up to scratch Jake's ears, smiling wider when Jake's tongue lolled out in satisfaction when Finn got to the right spot.
"So I'm still waiting to hear about this monster you two got so dirty defeating," Simon added, cleaning up his supplies. Finn and Jake regaled Simon with the story of the evil monster they'd fought which had been terrorizing the Goblin Kingdom. Finn had felt tired initially but was reinvigorated, animatedly reenacting the epic battle. They finished their cocoa as Simon discussed his own research into the history of Ooo. They decided to head out soon after as BMO was probably getting lonely back at the house. Simon handed Finn his now cleaned hat and a container of the hair products he'd used.
"The animal skin needs to dry fully before you put it back on but it should be good by tomorrow. You should wash your hair when it's dirty or at minimum every few days. Shampoo first, rinse then a small amount of conditioner before rinsing that out too. And do try to keep your head uncovered every now and again," Simon said, before patting Finn's shoulder. "You can call or stop by anytime if you have questions about anything."
Finn had searched his whole life for answers, for comfort, for someone like him. His dad had been a massive wad and his mom was nice but disconnected. But the former sad wizard he used to beat up had shown him the best way to wash his hair. Life was funny like that. He couldn't wait to see what it was going to throw at him next.
"You're gonna regret saying that because I have about a bajillion questions."
"I'll do my best to answer them, after all, we've got all the time in the world."
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