#maybe you are the reason maybe my anger is valid maybe my rage is valid maybe my urge to shake you and ask you while i scream just why is

[elix8r]

it's raining, it's pouring - teaser

FULL FIC HERE

PAIRING: cheetah hybrid!mark x house cat hybrid!y/n

GENRES: hybrid!au, smut, angst, enemies to ?

TEASER WC: 0.54k i'm editing it rn and i'm thinking that the end product will be around 5k?

SUMMARY:  Hating Mark could almost be considered your part-time job ever since Taeyong adopted him. But on one fateful night, a raging storm strikes, and with Taeyong nowhere to be found, you find yourself seeking an unlikely source of comfort - your annoying cheetah roommate. 

It was obvious that you were beyond stressed, and even without smelling you, Mark could feel anxiety radiating off of you. It was indeed storming terribly outside, and now Mark was becoming worried knowing that Taeyong was out there. But seeing your state, he came to the conclusion that it would do no one any good to have the both of you freaking out.

"Hey, I'm sure he's fine. I bet he's just waiting out the storm at his work. Why don't you come in here and wait together for him?" His words did not do much to ease your tension, but you did oblige (if it were other circumstances, you would never agree to enter his room, but desperate times called for desperate measures).

"But why isn't he answering my calls then? He knows that I hate storms, and I can't go through them without him! Mark, what if he's never coming back?" You had plopped yourself on top of his bed, eyes wide and lips quivering.

Mark sighed. "Y/N, now you're being ridiculous. Why would he just abandon us? He's probably not getting a signal or something more reasonable."

His dismissive response lacked empathy for your concerns, and you were now shedding tears. "What do you mean more reasonable? I think my concerns are valid! Maybe he's tired of us fighting all the time! I mean, we haven't been the best for him, and I know he's been having a hard time with us. It’s possible that he had it with us and just abandoned us to run away!"

The concern he previously felt was now gone as your dramatic rant slowly started to irk him more and more. Everyone knew that you were the main instigator of your fights, always being unfriendly towards Mark, so to have you group him with you had him scoffing. "You mean more like you were not being a good hybrid like you should have been. I mean, you're the one always instigating fights. I try my best to deal with you, but you're so bratty. Honestly, I'm surprised Taeyong's been able to deal with you this long."

Throughout the three years of living with Mark, you could only count a handful of times that he responded to you in such a manner. He was usually mild-mannered and overall just nice, so hearing this from him had you shocked. It was such a switch and instantly, you could feel his annoyance towards you in the air. 

"Ma-Mark, what do you mean?" Your cries had yet to stop, and Mark rolled his eyes at you. Were you that dumb that you hadn't caught on to how frustrated Taeyong had recently been with your behavior? Taeyong was usually very tolerant, but even he was having a hard time with you.

"Jesus Y/N, are you seriously that stupid?" Even Mark was shocked at how he was talking to you, but this pent-up anger towards you had been a long time coming. He had been holding it all in, trying to be as good as he could to you despite your actions towards him, but now he was reaching a boiling point. He was beyond annoyed, and maybe this cold hard wake-up call was needed for you to start behaving better.

#nct dream smut #mark lee #mark lee smut #mark lee x reader #mark lee scenarios #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #nct 127 smut #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 scenarios #nct smut #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct x reader #nct mark #fic: it's raining it's pouring #hybrid!au #mark lee angst #mark lee au

[oaxleaf]

Could you possibly talk about Melanie King please she’s so interesting and you’re really good at analysis

of course i can talk about melanie king. i can talk about melanie king all day long

in the past year or so, i've seen a lot of people talk about "female rage" in media. which is neat and all, i love seeing women smash some shit, but the thing is that... i've never been able to resonate my own anger with that of any character i've seen

except melanie

when women are allowed to be angry, they are divided into two camps regarding how the narrative treats them: "psycho bitch" and "girlboss". a hysterical, overreactive, and cruel woman, or a woman scorned out to bring herself justice, maybe with an aesthetic breakdown or two, but ultimately cold-hearted, single-minded, and justified. if their anger is seen as valid, it still needs to adhere to the very specific mold of "smashing the patriarchy" and, regardless of how bloody her rampage is, it's clean and neat with all threads tied up and never straying from the path, never hurting herself any more than she's already hurting, and never hurting anyone except the people who hurt her. it's... emotionless

melanie is not that. i think that when looking at her, you need to keep in mind both that her anger is valid and justified, and that it's hurting both her and the people around her. it's one of the most acurate portrayals i've seen of extreme anger, because for once, there is more than a single-minded want for vengance, more than a smirk when the people who hurt you burn. anger is so often born of pain, and when that pain is, like in melanie's case, born of a system you can't do anything about, you can never really seperate the two emotions. anger doesn't replace pain, and it doesn't make it go away, but if you don't have it then all you have is hurt, which is the state we see her in after the bullet has been removed

and i think it's more than the bullet. i think it's more than the institute. she herself says that she's had to fight her entire life, and yes, she references ghost hunt uk specifically in that sentence, but i don't think you can seperate that from that fact that she grew up female, queer, and lower class, with a mother who must have died when she was quite young and a father who developed dementia early. that's hard, and more than anything, there is nothing you can do about it. and when society has deemed you lesser for something you can do nothing about for no valid reason, you become hurt and you become angry

and then, she learns to live with it. she manages to find something to love, to fight for, and in turn fight for a place in a world that doesn't value her. and then the slaughter and the institute comes along and crushes it all

let me say one thing: melanie could not have been written as a man. she could not have been written as straight or upper class. melanie's anger would never have been as impactful if it came from a man who's never had to experience the struggle and pain of a world that is, very objectively and systemically, against you

#this post got so long and yet i could keep going on #god i love her so much #thank you for the ask!!! #melanie king #tma #the magnus archives

[darklinsblog]

The Other Woman | Sandman Imagine

Summary: Morpheus has an affair while still being married to Calliope

Pairing: Morpheus x Human! Reader

Part II

You didn’t plan on falling in love, you had never liked the idea of love honestly, too scared to trust, to have feelings for someone and still getting heartbroken.

When Morpheus’ came into your life, it had started as something innocent, a friendship even, but soon romance seemed to sneak upon your interactions, with glances, touches, comments.

It felt natural, it was the first time where you just got carried away, let things happen.

There was a kiss, then there were more, there were romantic details, a rose, a dinner, a letter.

As you reached the bedroom, everything happened at full speed almost as if from that point forward there was no return.

Morpheus’ was an attentive lover, from the first time you two crossed the physical line it was as if he had gone under a spell.

Unable to get his hands off you, thinking of you every second.

Thinking back on it, you just couldn’t understand, there truly were no signs of Morpheus’ living another life, with all your heart you believed this man was only devoted to you.

But as you stood in the pouring rain, in front of this house, seeing the image of a woman and Morpheus’ talking softly, as she had a gorgeous ring in her hand, you realized, just how foolish you had been, the married couple shared a short kiss, but to you it felt like forever as your heart shattered into a million pieces.

Then, Morpheus noticed your presence from the window, by the look on your face it wasn’t hard to tell you had seen it all.

Seeing him get out of the house to chase after you made you angry and sad, you started running wanting to escape this, the reality of the situation hitting you like a ton of bricks. Suddenly there was no more air in your lungs, your limbs felt tense and heavy.

“Y/N!” Morpheus’ exclaimed as he caught up with you, yanking your arm to finally face him, you screamed trying to squirm away from his touch.

The same touch you longed for, the touch that had once brought you comfort and safety now felt poisonous under your skin.

“You’re a liar! Don’t fucking touch me!” You urged as you cried, Morpheus felt the knot on his throat, the tears started forming in his eyes.

“Sweetness, please” he begged you, not really knowing what he was supposed to beg you for, for you to let him explain? To forgive him? To not hate his guts?

Maybe all of the above.

“You fucking piece of shit you enamored me and for what, huh? ‘Cause you needed an escape or was it just because you could?!” You interrogated him feeling your insides bubble with anger, the thunders rumpled in the midnight sky, almost in sync with your emotions.

“None of that. It was never my intend to fall in love with you” he try to defend himself while knowing in his heart his actions had no valid reason, there wasn’t a justification to the pain he caused.

“Never your- WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP? YOU HAD EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO TELL ME AND YET YOU CHOSE TO DRAG ME TO WHATEVER THE FUCK WAS WHAT YOU WANTED!” You were screaming so loud you were hurting your vocal chords but there was no pain that could compare to this moment.

“You came at a… complicated time in my life, but everything that we shared was true”

“Complicated? You call a wife… complicated?” You huffed, your tears had mixed with the rain, you could not believe what you were hearing, it seemed to just get worse and worse.

“Y/N you, us… was never only a quest for pleasure, I am bound to a crumbling marriage. You are the one I desire, the one I love” Morpheus’ said, now holding your hands in his, looking at you directly, thinking his words would soften you.

You let go of his hands after he was done talking an slapped him across the face with all your strength, with all your rage that couldn’t be explained with words.

“You’re out of your fucking mind if you think I desire you” you spat in his face, breaking his heart, but you couldn’t hurt him more than he already had done with you.

“I do not wish to lose you” he whispered making you scoff.

“Thing is that you already have. Even if I wanted to believe you, how could I trust a single word that comes from your mouth?” Morpheus’ stayed awfully silent, he looked at you with deep regret, knowing he didn’t have the answers you seek.

You sighed, knowing this was the end. You reached from behind your neck and unclipped the necklace Morpheus’ had given you months ago, ever since he put it on you, you hadn’t taken it off.

Until now.

Your lover looked at you wide eyed, knowing what the gesture meant as you placed the necklace in his palm.

As you looked at him and his saddened expression you wished to say something, but no words came out and honestly at this point, you had said more than enough.

So, you turned on your heels and left, your steps echoed with the pouring rain. Morpheus’ wished to stop you, he truly did. But in the end, he knew you would just be fooling yourselves, he loved you immensely, more than he loved his wife Calliope, or at least how he used to love her once.

Yet, he knew this was a point of no return, you wouldn’t change your mind and not even with all his power would he be able to erase your memories or revert things as how they once were.

So, he simply stood there, watching you fade away and become just another shadow in the darkness.

Still, Dream knew that if he was given the choice, he would do it all over again, in the blink of an eye.

Tag list:

@emiemiemiii @ladyfairenvale @hungrhay @aurorarevenclaw1927 @adishax @meganmayhem89 @mrs-captainsteverogers @hb8301 @sarahbullet235 @bambooing-shenanigans @queenshelby @characterxreaderimagine @emarich7 @carolcrysis @sister-of-stars @coolsnowker @sandman-33 @jesllianaquilesrolon @supermegapauselouca

#the sandman comics #sandman imagine #sandman netflix #dream of the endless #morpheus dream #sandman x reader #dream of the endless x reader #tom sturridge x reader #sandman shitpost #tom sturridge #morpheus sandman #sandman x y/n #morpheus #morpheus imagines #morpheus x reader #morpheus x you #lord morpheus x reader #lord morpheus

[yungisstar1117-writes]

Ateez arguing with you: Hyung Line Ver.

─────────∘◦❀◦∘ ─────────

ɪ’ᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ɪᴛ ᴄʟᴇᴀʀ ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ꜰɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴ. ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀ ʀᴇᴀʟɪꜱᴛɪᴄ/ꜰᴀᴄᴛ-ʙᴀꜱᴇᴅ ʀᴇᴘʀᴇꜱᴇɴᴛᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ᴀᴛᴇᴇᴢ, ɪᴛ ɪꜱ ᴘᴜʀᴇʟʏ ᴀ ꜱᴄᴇɴᴀʀɪᴏ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴍᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ᴇɴᴛᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴘᴜʀᴘᴏꜱᴇꜱ.

✰ ɢ: Angst

✰ ᴡ.ᴄ: 1546

✰ ᴄ.ᴡ: Arguing, Insinuated trauma (physical abuse), Belittling, Lots of crying + swearing, Inferiority complex (?), Toxic relationships, Jealousy, Y/N breaks stuff in a fit of rage, general angry behaviour.

A/N: Be warned, it’s not gonna be pretty.

─────────∘◦❀◦∘ ─────────

💔 S E O N G H W A

“Come on now Y/N, this makes literally zero sense! Stop acting like you’re being persecuted, you’re just wron-”

You interrupted him indignantly, hands on your hips as you spoke.

“What?! You’re the one acting like every single idea I have is fucking stupid! Don’t even bother pretending you put a single ounce of thought into this Hwa!”

Seonghwa scoffed at this, your outburst not earning you any empathy from him.

“Oh please, cut the shit. Every single stupid idea I’ve shut down has been for a perfectly valid reason! Maybe get your head out of your ass and you would see that!”

You tilted your head to the side in disbelief at his words, unable to comprehend how one man could be so difficult. Scoffing and turning your head backwards, you took a deep breath before facing him again. This seemed to do nothing however, your temper easily flared up once again.

“You’re so fucking controlling it’s unbelievable. Maybe if you got your head out of your ass, you’d see what a narcissistic dickhead you are! You fucking micromanage every single thing i do! I can’t even breathe without you having something to say about it!”

Swearing under his breath, Seonghwa grumbled to himself for a second, something that you didn’t let slide. Coming closer, your voice was dripping with sarcasm when he covered his face with his hand.

“What was that honey? Was there something you wanted to say?”

Taking his hand down, Seonghwa’s glare was ice cold, yet the animosity in his tone had lessened.

“This is pointless, we’re arguing like fucking children. Let’s sit down and talk about this.”

Seonghwa’s words only seemed to make matters worse however, your voice raising as you responded.

“Here you go fucking micromanaging again, what a delightful surprise! What the fuck is your problem Seonghwa?! Huh?! Go on, say it!”

Seonghwa’s anger flowed out at your inflammatory words, his finger hurtling out as he pointed in your face.

“You! You and your bullshit is my fucking problem! You are the problem here!”

Time felt as if it had frozen as you stared at him dumbfounded, watching as his expression slowly turned into to one of regret. When you turned away with a sniff and grabbed your bag, Seonghwa finally spurred into action.

“What’re you doing Y/N? C’mon I’m sorry, can we just talk?”

You scoffed at this, turning back to Seonghwa while wiping a tear away.

“You have a problem, I’m solving it. Now you have no problem.”

💔 H O N G J O O N G

“You’re not making any sense Joong! Why is this bitch texting you 24/7?!”

Rubbing his forehead, Hongjoong looked up at you from his chair. You were standing in front of him, both hands firmly placed on the table as Hongjoong’s phone laid in the middle. It was almost as if he was being interrogated, and in his opinion, Hongjoong definitely felt he was on trial for a crime he didn’t commit.

“She’s an old friend from high school, why are you getting so worked up?”

You laughed sarcastically, clapping your hands and turning away for a second before you faced him again.

“Oh I’m so sorry Hongjoong, I’m just being crazy right?! There’s no fucking reason why I should be concerned when this ‘old friend’ is calling my man darling.”

Pushing back his chair Hongjoong stood up, running a hand through his hair as he spoke.

“You’re being fucking delusional Y/N. I’m not your ex, and surprisingly I have morals.”

You raised an eyebrow at this, completely dumbfounded by this man’s audacity. He’s really gonna bring up your fucking cheater ex?

“Oh so that’s how you’re gonna play it? You disgust me Hongjoong.”

Hongjoong chuckled at this, his eyes dark. Knowing his temper was worsening, he made a last-ditch attempt to keep the situation from exploding.

“I’m leaving.”

When he turned away however you grabbed his arm tight, keeping him from going.

“No you’re not! Explain those fucking messages!”

Snatching his arm from your grip, it seemed as if all his inhibitions had been overturned, his anger flaring up as he shouted at you.

“Get out of my fucking face you crazy ass bitch!”

Stepping back with wide eyes you could feel tears welling in them, all the fight knocked out of you and replaced with pure, unfiltered fear. Memories surged forward, memories from the past that you had fought dutifully to repress. If you had been able to see it through the blur of your tears, you would’ve seen Hongjoong’s regretful expression. When he tried to come closer and grab your hand, you quickly stepped back, tried to quell your sobs as tears streamed down your face.

“Y/N I’m so-“

“Out!”

When Hongjoong tried to speak again you screamed at him, now fully blubbering as your hands went to your ears, blocking out anything he could say.

“Get out! Get the fuck out! Now! G-Get out!”

💔 Y U N H O

“I can’t believe you.”

Yunho paused his game, looking up at you in genuine concern when he heard your harsh tone. This soon dissipated however, replaced with understanding regret when he saw you all dressed up. He let the controller fall to the side, standing up from the sofa and walking over to you as you shook with anger.

“Y/N I’m so-”

Yunho’s words were soon cut off by you throwing your keys on the floor, jaw gritted as you spoke with a bite in your tone.

“You forgot. Again.”

Shaking his head, Yunho grabbed your hand in urgency.

“Please baby, I’ll do better! I promise, just please don’t do this.”

You shook him off with a harsh laugh, only deep-rooted anger present in the hollow sound. He’s had so many chances, did he really deserve another one?

“You said that last time, and the time before! You make all these fucking promises Yunho, but when are you gonna actually keep to them?!”

Your finger jutted out, poking him in the chest so harshly that the male moved back slightly. The evident hurt in his expression didn’t make you falter for a second, nor did his flinch when you shouted.

“When are you gonna fucking grow up?!”

A tear rolled down the male’s cheek, one that he quickly wiped away as he stared at you with glossy eyes. Solemnly, he picked up the keys from the floor and went back to the sofa, ignoring his controller as he just sat there facing the tv. It was only at this moment that a hint of regret crossed your mind, but you quickly dismissed it. He needed to wake the fuck up.

“When you’ve figured out what your priorities are, come find me. You better make that decision quickly though Yunho, I won’t wait forever.”

💔 Y E O S A N G

“It’s just- it’s this! Every single time I try and show you any affection you just brush me off! Do you- do you even wanna be my boyfriend?!”

Yeosang rolled his eyes at your words, pulling his headphones back on with a scoff.

“You’re being melodramatic. Just because I don’t want you hanging off of me every single fucking minute doesn’t mean I don’t wanna be with you. Ever consider maybe you’re just too clingy?”

You snatched his headphones off his head, your voice shaking with anger as you clenched your free hand into a fist.

“Why are you so insistent on being so rude and- and degrading?! I’m trying to talk to you about my concerns and you’re just shutting me down!”

Yeosang’s eyes flitted between your face and his headphones in your grip, clearly more concerned about them than whatever you were saying. Your head started to spin with unbridled fury.

“You’re fucking pathetic Yeosang. You want your headphones? Here, fucking take them!”

Before Yeosang could even cry out you raised your hand over your head, soon letting it crash down as you let the headphones fall to the floor. Despite the audible crack and a piece flying off, you proceeded to stamp on them a few times, crushing any salvageable pieces into an oblivion.

Yeosang was now standing, watching in shock as you ground your heel into the remains, chest heaving. Finally glancing at your boyfriend, his expressionless face scared you slightly. He seemed to have frozen in place, unable to do anything except look down.

“You… You broke them.”

When you heard him sniff your eyebrows raised in shock, all your anger flooding out of you when you saw his teary eyes.

“Those were from our first anniversary… and you-… you broke them?”

Your features softened at his words, your eyes also beginning to tear up.

“You remembered?”

Tears began to fall as Yeosang struggled to keep himself from sobbing, tirelessly wiping at his eyes as he tried to speak.

“Of-Of course I did! How could I forget?! They were the best gift I’ve ever had!”

You let a tentative hand rest on Yeosang, sniffling when he looked at you defeatedly.

“Sangie I’m- I’m sorry! I didn’t think-“

“Yeah, clearly you didn’t.”

Carefully removing your hand, Yeosang shook his head, walking to the door. Struggling with his shoes and coat for a few seconds, the male then grabbed his keys from the cabinet before turning back to you.

“I need some space, I’ll t-text you when I get to Wooyoung’s. Please don’t come after me.”

─────────∘◦❀◦∘ ─────────

⇢ ˗ˏˋ taglist ࿐

@lee--felix @cjhonour @hyuckilstan @hwarora @drunkboba @multidreams-and-desires @serialee @fix0nbb @deja-vux @a-soft-hornytiny @taeyongslilkitty @mxrksbxtch @wishuponthestars @agustd-essert @deobitiny @nyghtwolff-1117 @yunhobabygurl @lex-thesimpzzz

#star’s library {📚} #ateez #ateez reacts #ateez reactions #seonghwa #hongjoong #yunho #yeosang #ateez angst #seonghwa angst #hongjoong angst #yunho angst #yeosang angst #park seonghwa #kim hongjoong #jung yunho #jeong yunho #kang yeosang

[jq37]

Quick pre-ep 16 speculation: The Rat Grinders' righteous anger at Aguefort Academy's BS drove them to try and resurrect Ankarna via Lucy, but she bailed last second and they killed her in a magical rage (Mary Anne is responsible for the knocked over trees--she's scary strong). Buddy was chosen because Sol subsumed Ankarna's domains; I've also seen theories that Devil's Honey turned her into Helio? Jace might be on Team Nightmare King and is trying to recorrupt Cass; also, is he a Divine Soul?

(Note: I got a TON of speculation posts after last episode so get ready for a bug ask dump)

Helio becoming Ankarna would be maybe the wildest thing that has ever happened on this show lol. Not my top theory--esp because as far as we know he has a mortal mom--but not entirely out of pocket and I would love to see the fan reaction considering how many people love Ankarna and hate Helio.

(Side Note: I do think a lot of the Helio hate is misplaced barring more information about nefarious or neglectful goings on because we haven't actually seen him do anything bad. Kristen was just disappointed in him. Which, sure that's fine. That's totally valid to feel let down upon meeting your hero. But why were you expecting the god of corn to tell you why suffering exists? That seems way out of the purview of corn. It's not like he's God. He's just a god. He's not even the most important god in his own pantheon! And he has followers that suck of course from the run of the mill zealots like Kristen's parents to straight up terrorist cultists like the Harvestmen but that's not exclusive of Helioism. But this is so off track and for a different post entirely)

I've also been wondering if Jace is Divine Soul since we don't really have a great idea how he's involved here. Him being connected to one of our once-dead gods would be a very interesting way to give him a connection.

And I would also be done with Aguefort BS if I went to that school to give Kipperlilly one right, but that's still not a good enough reason to kill 2 clerics, girl!

Anyway, speculation recorded!

#dimension 20 #asks #anon #fantasy high #I have a lot of thoughts about divinity in spyre and helio specifcially #so I'm very curious to see how things shake out as the season goes on #methinks ppl keep forgetting about as above so below #no one is like 'galacaea is a stuck up elf bitch' even though she partially is #she has no more control over that than helio has about being a frat boy

[dollyyun]

𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍𝒔 | chap 15

SYPNOSIS: wherein Hwang Stella's life is tangled in a predicament involving her clandestine identity as a racer, her seemingly daily life as the official heir to the Hwang Empire, and seven guys with whom she has a complex history with.

PAIRING: enhypen members x fem oc.

GENRE: 18+ (mdni), reverse harem, chaebols, semi-college & racing, eventual adulthood, non-idol au, eventual enha being f1 drivers, multiple pov (this fic is written in first pov).

WARNINGS: angst, heartbreaks, smut.

WORD COUNT: 8k+

TAGLIST: @aishigrey @kgneptun

🍒 MASTERLIST 🍒

When Stella disappeared without leaving any single traces of her behind, we were devastated, heartbroken to the point where we needed to isolate ourselves from the world, and reeled in despair. I didn't take her departure well in the beginning, and as a result, I became wrathful, lashing at anyone, including Charlotte.

I remembered when I raised my voice at her with such rage that it had her breaking into tears and running away from me. That was the first time I ever shouted at her. My parents berated me about how Stella's departure was rendering me demented, and from there, I burst out in sheer anger despite shedding tears.

To this day, I still resent my parents, which was the reason why I decided to travel abroad with Heeseung, who wanted to pursue a career he had always dreamed of. Due to his influence, I finally knew what I truly wanted. Hence, we are on the same team with the same goal.

Team Ferrari has always prevailed over its competitors. I admit that the training was tough, and there were times where my mental health was flailing, but in the end, I triumphed, including winning previous competitions.

As I exit my vehicle, I remove my helmet and immediately look at where Heeseung is. When our eyes meet, a familiar sentiment flickers in his gaze before he gives me a firm nod with a faint smirk. The tension in my muscles relaxes in response, while my heart warms at the recognition that he approves of my performance in the trial.

Over time, I developed a crave for validation, but only with Heeseung. I didn't know why or how it happened, but I just knew that I wanted his approval and validation. Maybe it's because he's like an older brother to me or because we've gone through similar tribulations.

"You never fail to amaze me, Jake." Heeseung grins, his hand meets mine before he pulls me in to bump his shoulder against mine in a familiar gesture that we always do whenever we win something. "That drift, though. You ought to teach me that move."

I roll my eyes at him, knowing that he is either jesting or simply being humble, as he always is. "Don't make me laugh. You know that you're an exceptional driver as well. Heck, you might be even better than me!"

"Nah." Heeseung chuckles breathily, running his fingers through his hair. "I still need to sharpen my skills. Even Matteo rebuked me for fucking up a little on yesterday's trial."

I press my lips thinly at the mention of our team principal. I know he means well, but the man is a fucking perfectionist, and even the slightest mistake greatly displeases him. "It doesn't matter what he said. I know for a fact that you aced your trial, and you even gained applause and praise from the other teams."

A sigh leaves his lips as he leans away from the wall. "Yeah, well, I still have to prove to Matteo that I'm able to meet his standards, still."

Frustration bubbles within me as I sigh as well. "Heeseung─"

"Heeseung."

Both of us go flinching at the sound of her voice, which is tainted with professionalism. I turn to look at her, whose eyes are on Heeseung. She appears to be holding a clipboard and a pen. Her face is void of emotion. "The team managers requested to have a brief meeting with you. There's an important matter we need to discuss."

I can see the way her eyes look at me fleetingly, almost wavering, before she masks the peculiar sentiment in her gaze when she looks back at Heeseung. She's hard to read now. I ignore the ache in my heart as I look at Heeseung, noticing his soft gaze on her face despite how formal and stoic she is.

"Sure," He says softly. "Lead the way."

Stella nods her head in return and gestures for him to follow her, but not before her eyes fleetingly glance at me once more. This time, I am able to decipher the sentiment in her gaze, and it reflects the same as mine. Longing.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Instead of heading back to my shared apartment with Heeseung, where we temporarily reside, I decided to linger around the main entrance of the headquarters. Dusk has long since painted the sky, denoting that office hours are close to ending with the employees exiting the building.

Speaking of Heeseung, he had left earlier after the meeting ended. But before he left, he did inform me that Stella might be ending slightly late. I don't know why he informed me, but it was as if he knew that I actually wanted to meet her.

My bottom lip is tucked between my teeth, and I can feel lines creasing on my forehead. The look in her eyes earlier—I can't seem to erase it. The chances of her ignoring me and admonishing me are high, but I have to try to crack down on the walls that she built to protect her heart. I have to try and get her to love me back before the Grand Prix season is over, or else I'll regret never trying.

I lean my back against my car, which I have pulled up at the pick-up point, with my arms crossed over my chest and my eyes set straight on the main entrance. Technically, this is just a temporary car to accommodate my accessibility around NYC. Ferrari 296 GTB, one of my dream cars.

Not too long later, I spot Stella making her way out of the main entrance, seeming to be occupied as she is on a phone call. She doesn't seem to notice me yet as she descends the stairs. My heartbeat quickens the longer my eyes linger on her face.

Stella's beauty was what mesmerised me at first sight, but as we grew closer, her disposition made me fall for her hard. She had shown me sides of her that no one could possibly comprehend since she used to be known as someone who was heartless and callous.

I lean away from my car and take a few steps towards her, just as she ends the call. "Stella."

Stella lifts her head instantly. Her eyes meet mine while her lips go slightly parted, appearing to be genuinely shocked to see me in the flesh. "Jaeyun." The way she utters my name takes me by surprise, because there are no traces of detachment like I expected.

My lips form a small smile. "Do you need a ride?" I politely ask.

Though she doesn't seem to have her guard up, hesitation resides in her gaze. She bites her bottom lip while my eyes fall to her movement. "Thank you for the offer, but I think I'll take the subway."

"I insist." Luckily for her, I'm stubborn as a mule. "Besides, I've been meaning to ask you out for dinner." I tell her, rubbing my nape sheepishly. I don't miss the way her eyes soften.

"Okay." Stella acquiesces, offering me a small smile that has a huge impact on my beating heart.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

We didn't talk much during dinner, which we had at a Japanese restaurant. But the silence was not as awkward as I thought it would be. Maybe because I was too nervous to strike up a conversation with her. How could I not be nervous? She's Hwang Stella. My first love and the only woman I intend to marry.

"Thanks for the dinner. I really appreciate it." Stella breaks the protracted silence as soon as I pull up in the parking lot of her apartment building. My eyes shift to her, watching as she unbuckles her seatbelt. All the while, my heart is screaming at me to do something to make her stay a little longer.

"You're welcome." My smile feels tight on my lips. Our eyes meet, and this time, I can decipher the emotion in her eyes. Disappointment. As if she wants me to say something other than that, or maybe I'm just deluding myself.

"See you around, then." She mumbles before looking away from me and proceeding to exit my car. I watch her as she walks away, but her steps seem deliberately slow.

I swear, I can feel blood on my bottom lip with how hard I'm biting it. I mutter a cuss and quickly unbuckle my seatbelt before exiting my car in haste. I jog after her. "Stella! Wait!"

Stella halts her step just as I stop a few feet from her. She slowly turns around, her eyes searching for mine. This time, I can read her as clearly as the day.

"Are you still mad at me? Or are we fine now?" I start off, my breaths come out harsh. "I'm confused. Last week, you declared that you no longer wanted to be in our lives. You even said that─"

"I know what I said, Jaeyun." She cuts me off, her tone sounds firm yet has a tinge of softness. Even by the way she looks at me, it reminds me of the Stella I once knew. Conflict flickers in her gaze, as does irresolution and guilt. "And I never said that I hated you."

"But you said you don't love us anymore."

There it is, the walls she built have come to crumble into pieces. Shaky breaths leave her pink lips while her eyes appear glistening under the lights. "Don't we all say things we don't mean them if it means to protect them?" She chuckles sadly.

I take a step forward, feeling confused. Just two more steps, and I'll have her in my arms. "Protect? Why would you ever want to protect us?"

She looks away from my gaze briefly. "I can't tell you."

"Then tell me this." One step closer to her. "Do you still love me?"

She deflates as though someone hit her. Without thinking twice, I grab her hand, holding it tenderly. "Please, love." I plead. "Tell me the truth."

Stella finally looks at me, but this time, tears brim in her eyes. "Truth is, I tried hating you even before the incident happened four years ago when I found out you were involved in your parents' schemes."

"I know, and I'm terribly sorry for that." I tell her softly, the guilt I bear gnaws at me in my tummy. "I was a fool. I shouldn't have done what I did."

"But even then, I couldn't." Her voice cracks in between. "You were my first love and my first in everything. No matter how much I tried to erase my memories with you and even hate you, my love for you will always prevail."

"I'm so sorry, love."

"I know." She sniffles. "Just know that I've forgiven all of you. What's done is done, and what's in the past stays in the past."

I pull her towards me, startling her. My hand ascends to cradle the cusp of her jaw, tilting her head to meet my eyes. "Can you tell me one more thing?"

"What is it?" She asks in a whisper.

My heart beats with a familiar cadence. "That you love me." I murmur. "Please. I need to hear them."

A teardrop slides down her cheek as she looks at me as though I'm her whole world. "I love you." She reaffirms, but her voice breaks again. She puts her hand on top of mine, adjusting it so my palm is now cupping her cheek. She leans into my touch, making my heart swell with adoration.

"Say it again, love." I whisper, my lips unfurling a soft smile as I lean closer to her face, our noses nuzzling against each other.

A chuckle leaves her lips amidst the tears she shed. "I love you." Her hands curl into fists as they rest on my chest. "I still love you, Sim Jaeyun. Always have."

That is all I need to hear before sealing her in a long-awaited kiss. My lips on hers fit like a complete puzzle, just as she feels right in my arms. 

"I'm telling you, Oppa, Stella might need some time." Aera has been trying to dissuade me from making an obvious move. I can imagine the frown on my sister's face just by the tone of her voice. "If you still love her, you'll have to give her some space. Rushing things will only aggravate the situation, especially after you told me what happened last week."

I drape my arm over my forehead as I lay on the couch. A sigh leaves my lips as I press speaker mode instead. "But I have to try something. I don't want her to stray from me any longer. This distance is killing me."

"You're being dramatic." Aera deadpans. "If you can survive four years without seeing her, then I'm sure you can handle this distance for a little longer."

A muscle ticks in my jaw. "I didn't ask for that to happen, Aera." My tongue tastes bitter, as I recall. "You have no idea what I've been through. Four long years, and you didn't even tell me that you've been by her side throughout those years."

Truth be told, Aera and I have never cut contact. Sure, I was saddened by her decision to move abroad, but I knew that she needed to start afresh somewhere. Thankfully, she kept her promise to keep in touch with me, calling me or texting me despite our time differences.

Then, after I touched down in New York, Aera wanted to meet me, as she had something important to tell me. I dismissed how she sounded nervous and guilty over the phone. So we met, and from there, she revealed the truth.

I can't precisely recall how I took the shocking revelation, but I can certainly remember how betrayed I felt. I didn't even lash out at Aera, and instead, I walked out of the cafe in silence. I didn't answer Aera's messages or calls for a few days, needing some time to collect my thoughts and not wanting to make any rash decisions, because as much as I was furious at Aera, I didn't want to lose her again either.

Then we met again at her apartment. She apologised profusely, but I insisted that I didn't blame her and understood why she hid the truth from me. She knew that if she told me that she had been by Stella's side all this time, I would fly to New York without a second thought. Aera was a loyal friend to a fault, her devotion to Stella made me respect her even more.

Aera heaves a soft sigh. "I'm sorry, Oppa." My heart warms at the fact that she decided to call me 'Oppa' a year ago. "But I'm right, aren't I? What if Stella hates you more if you choose to force a connection with her again?"

I rub my tired face. "You're right. I just─" I pause, biting my bottom lip harshly as I falter. "I just miss her a lot. I really love her, Aera."

"I know." I can sense her smiling. "You know what? Just do what you think is best and right. Follow your heart. I'd love to chat with you a little longer, but my break's over. I need to head back to the office."

After I bid her goodbye, she hung up the phone, leaving me with my jumbled thoughts. I hear Jake's footsteps coming from the hallway, prompting me to sit up and stare at him with a puzzled face.

"Since when did you come back?" I ask, bewildered. Since we're the only ones living in the same temporary apartment, Jake often walks around without a top. He drapes his towel over his shoulder after using it to dry his damp hair.

"Since last night." Jake looks oddly content. "I reached about one-ish?" He tells me as he makes his way to the kitchen, but halts his steps before he turns around to look at me again. This time, there is a roguish smile formulating on his lips. "By the way, since you miss Stella so much, you should visit her."

My frown deepens, still confused. "What? Why would you suggest something like that?"

"Why else?" He shrugs his shoulders, and a smirk touches his lips. "Besides, where do you think I was last night?"

Suddenly, it clicks. "You were at Stella's place?" I can't help but be envious, despite the confusion. "Why and how?"

Jake scratches his head. "Well─"

"Never mind." I don't know how, but my body moves faster than I can comprehend as I grab my car keys on the coffee table and my bomber jacket, which is draped over the couch's armrest, and walk towards the main door quickly. "Text me her address!" I tell him without looking back.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

I'm running, even as I'm nearing her apartment door, as if there is a time limit for seeing her, as if she would disappear again before I could even see her. I press on the doorbell thrice. I don't give a fuck if I'm being impatient, or rather, desperate. I've been apart from her long enough.

The door slowly opens, revealing the only woman who can make my heart race. Her raven hair is pulled back into a low bun, with a few strands of hair decorating her face frame. Obviously, she does not expect anyone to visit her, judging by the way she is dressed. An oversized white shirt that reaches her thigh area, almost obscuring her black shorts.

Even so, she still manages to look beautiful, rendering me breathless by her beauty.

"Heeseung." Her mouth parts opened in shock before recovering. Her lips press thinly as realisation flickers in her gaze. "Jaeyun must've told you where I lived."

"He did." I swallow harshly, hating how she sounds disappointed. "Can I come in?"

Without much thought, Stella opens the door wide for me to enter. I take brief glances at the interior of her apartment before turning around to face her, who makes her way to the kitchen. "Do you want anything to drink?" She asks, opening her fridge.

I enter the kitchen as well, stopping just a few metres from her. "No," I answer as she closes the fridge. "What I want is you."

Stella stares at me with something I can't decipher, but oddly, there are no traces of hostility on her countenance, unlike last week. She bites her bottom lip, sighing as she looks away from me. "To tell you the truth, I'm not ready to see you."

"Why? Do you really hate me that much, sweetheart?" I ask as my heart aches. I ignore the way my voice cracks just slightly. "I know that I shouldn't have done what I did four years ago, and for that, I'm truly sorry. But my feelings for you have always been genuine."

What she does next catches me off guard. She steps closer to me and cradles the cusps of my jaw, her eyes seem apologetic while a saddened smile touches her lips. "I know, Hee." My heart skips a beat. "I've already forgiven you. It's just that,"

Upon her abrupt silence, I hold her wrist and search for her eyes. "Just what, sweetheart?"

"I'm sorry." She breaks down, tears streaming down her cheeks. She hangs her head low. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Shhh, what's wrong? Why are you apologising?" I ask softly, unconsciously backing her up, and without thinking, I hoist her up as she sits on the countertop. Seeing her still weeping profusely with her face burying into her palms, I frown and grab her hands, gently yet firmly pulling away, allowing me to have a look at her beautiful face. "Hey, talk to me, sweetheart."

"I need to tell you something." She says, hiccuping in between. Amidst the guilt, I can see fear in her glistening eyes. "The reason why I disappeared without telling any of you or giving closure is because I was afraid. But above all, I wanted to protect all of you."

"Protect us from what?"

Her lips quiver, and the look on her face is something I've seen before. "From Hwang Minhyuk."

That fucker's name makes my jaw clench while anger simmers within me. I've always wanted to get a good piece of him, or even better, to render him immobilised.

"But he's in prison." I assure her. "He can't do shit, especially when you're out of his reach now. He can't hurt you anymore."

"That's what you don't get." Stella looks at me exasperatedly. "I'm not worried about myself. I'm worried about the seven of you. Before I left for New York, we met for the last time, and he threatened to kill you guys because he knew that wherever I went, you guys would too." Tears return to her eyes. "Because he knew how much I loved you."

"He's not entirely wrong."

"Which was why I did what I did. He was capable of anything, Hee." She whispers brokenly, looking utterly devastated. "I didn't want to risk any chances, and so I left. If leaving meant I'd be protecting you from him, then so be it." A sharp sob leaves her lips. "I'd rather die than allow anything to happen to you guys for the second time."

"Oh, sweetheart." I sigh, pulling her into my embrace as she leans in. The whiff of her familiar scent makes my heart ache, as I've missed it so much. I bury my nose in her hair for a while before kissing her crown. "You didn't have to, because we're capable of protecting ourselves."

"But Hwang Minhyuk is different." She counters weakly, resting her head in the nook of my neck. I place my hand at the side of her bare thigh, rubbing it up and down in an attempt to soothe her. "He's a monster."

I hum in agreement. "That he is. But you could've told us about it," I murmur. "We're not defenceless."

"I'm sorry, but at the same time, I'm not." She pulls away from my neck and looks at me in the eyes. "I'd do anything to protect all of you, even if it meant I would never see you again." Her eyes flicker on my lips briefly. "Because I love you."

My heart swells with a familiar sentiment. "You love me." I say, as though I'm reaffirming her love declaration to myself.

She smiles, her tears are drying on her cheeks. "I do." She grabs my hand and places it on her cheek. She flutters her eyes closed as she leans into my touch. "I really love you, Lee Heeseung."

I blink my eyes, which I haven't realised are watery. Four long years of despair, confusion, anger, and longing are suddenly worth it.

"I really love you too, Hwang Stella." I whisper affectionately to her, leaning down before connecting our lips and kissing her slowly as I wish to relish this moment a little longer.

It's hard to describe my relationship with my older brother. We used to be close until he went off to college. There were also times where I felt envious of him for the fact that he had meticulously planned for his future and remained resilient, which is why he is now a high-paying doctor. Although my parents love all of their children the same, I know that my older brother is their favourite. Despite my envy, I respect and look up to him.

But sometimes he does do unexpected shit discreetly, not telling any of us until the time's right, in his case at least. And so, my jaw goes unhinging while I feel lines creasing on my forehead upon the shocking revelation.

"What do you mean you have a fiancée and you're getting married?" I am finally able to find my voice after a long period of silence, as I tried processing his words into my mind, which already bears jumbled thoughts.

My brother, Park Haneul, is seated across from me with a stupid grin on his face. Presently, we are at a restaurant, and being the youngest sibling, I have the privilege of not needing to pay for the bills, especially when he's the one who wanted to meet me.

Haneul has been living in New York ever since he graduated from college and pursued his endeavours here. Since he was often busy with his own lives, we rarely called or texted unless it was important. So when I finally met him after so long, it was awkward for me, but Haneul didn't seem to think so, as he treated me like he used to when we were young. Eventually, I warmed up to him.

"It means I'm getting married." Haneul chuckles, finding amusement in my reaction. "Why? Are you not happy that your older brother finally wants to settle down?"

"It's not that." I recover, my hand brushing through my hair. This is all happening too fast and sudden, and I don't know what to feel. A sigh leaves my lips. "I'm really happy that you found someone you want to be with for a lifetime, but since when?" I ask with a frown. "Does the rest of our family know about this?"

"Oh, yeah. They knew about it months ago when I flew over to Seoul with my bride-to-be to meet them." Haneul says. "I was surprised when Mom and Dad told me that they lived abroad in the UK for months, then they told me about you." He smiles, and the familiarity of pride in his gaze warms my heart. "You wanted to pursue a career in racing, so imagine my surprise that you've become an esteemed F1 driver."

A smile threatens to form on my lips, but I clear my throat. "I have had to go through such tribulations to get to where I am."

"And I'm proud of you, really." Sincerity gleams in Haneul's eyes. "My little bro, now all grown up." He wipes away a nonexistent tear from his eye.

I roll my eyes at his theatrical action, but chuckles leave my lips. "So, when's the wedding?"

"Next week, Saturday." He informs. "Initially, she wanted to join so she could properly introduce herself to you, but her manager rescheduled an important event for today."

I nod my head in understanding. "Can I bring my best friends along? You remember them, right?" I ask. Haneul met them when he surprised me with his unexpected visit during my second year of university.

Recognition flickers in his gaze. "Ah, they're F1 drivers as well, right?" He smiles. "I'm a big fan of theirs."

I raise my eyebrow. "Oh? And what about me?"

"I'll think about it."

I shoot him a playful scowl, knowing that he is merely jesting. "Ass."

"Anyway, enough of me." Haneul leans his body forward, interest sparks in his eyes. "When are you going to settle down?"

My lips press thinly, not liking where this is going. "I don't plan on settling down. Besides," A muscle pulses in my jaw as I look away from him. "Love is a waste of time."

"You're wrong." His eyes soften, as though he knows that he has touched on a bitter topic. "Love can be amazing, and love is much more than just an intense feeling of attraction."

"For you, maybe." My face is void of emotion. "Good for you, though. But for me? I'd rather stay away from love. Plus, Mom and Dad won't have to worry about not having grandchildren since they have you to give them."

Haneul scans my face, reading me like an open book, but thankfully, he decides to drop it and moves on to another topic. All the while, my mind is distraught by the one person that I once saw a future with.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Earlier, I sent a text in our new-form group chat, requesting for them to gather in my temporary apartment, which is in the same building as Ni-Ki, Jay, Sunoo, and Jungwon. When I found out about where they reside, with the exception of Ni-Ki, I was shocked because I hadn't expected it. As for Jungwon, he reached out to me first just a few days ago. I couldn't say that we hit off well, considering that we were kind of arguing, but eventually, I forgave him.

"So, what did you want to tell us?" Sunoo asks as soon as we settle in the living room, scattered around. Their expectant eyes are on my pacing figure, waiting for me to crack the news.

"You guys remember Haneul? My older brother, who is living here?" I start off. "He's getting married, and he was more than welcome to invite you guys."

"A wedding? Sweet!" Ni-Ki seems enthusiastic, throwing gum in the air before catching it in his mouth. His disposition draws our attention as we collectively look at him with eyebrows raised, to which he mirrors. "What? I've always wanted to attend a wedding. The last time I went to one was years ago. You know, free food and all."

"Make sense of why you're weirdly happy about it." Jake nods his head before looking back at me. "When's the wedding?"

"Next week, Saturday." I say. "So we have time to buy tuxedos or whatever is presentable for a wedding." The guys break into chatter amongst each other, asking for accompanies to buy their suits and all.

"Actually, there's another thing that I need to tell you guys." Heeseung speaks up, leading to the chatter diminishing. As I observe him, he looks slightly troubled. "It's about Stella."

I expect the rest to flinch visibly as I do, but they seem relaxed, which greatly confused me because why aren't they affected by the mention of her name? Just hearing her name is enough to make my heart ache.

Heeseung licks his bottom lip, looking away from us briefly. "She and I made up yesterday."

There is a silence while I process his words in my mind. I don't even know what to feel.

"We made up too." Jake informs, and like bullets, the rest reveal the same news, leaving me the only one left out yet again.

"But I thought she hated us." My cold voice is resonating while I attempt to hide the fact that I'm hurt. "You guys were obviously there at the communal party, and you heard her."

Jay steps forward, seeming to be attempting to soothe my anger. "Sunghoon─"

"She's right." A cold laugh escapes my lips. "We're better off without her. Even if you guys have already made up with her, who is to say that she won't abandon us for another time?"

"Just listen to what Heeseung still has to say, Hoon." Jake says sternly, but his eyes soften as he looks at me.

I bite my lips harshly and look away, but I remain standing as I reluctantly wait for Heeseung to speak. And so he does, not missing out on any details, while the rest of us listen attentively with visible shock, anger, and devastation on our faces, including mine. I don't know what to think or what to feel as I reel in my troubled thoughts in silence.

"If she could've told us, then she wouldn't have to bear the burden to herself." Sunoo murmurs sadly. Before anyone can say anything, the doorbell chimes throughout my apartment, bringing a confused frown to my face.

"Sorry, guys. I didn't expect any guests for tonight except you bunch." I attempt to make my way to the main door, but am stopped by Jake, who gives me a small smile.

"Actually, we did." Jake says before walking towards the main door and opening it, revealing the only woman who lives in my head rent-free 24/7. Her eyes have yet to meet mine as she greets the rest with a small smile that is enough to stab me in the heart.

"We'll give you two some privacy." Jay pats my shoulder while I remain unmoving. I watch as they leave, not before giving her hugs, cheeks, and forehead kisses. When they finally disappear from my sight, she slowly lifts her head and meets my eyes.

"Can I come in?" She asks rather meekly, but I am too dumbstruck to respond, prompting her to enter before closing the door. She doesn't take steps towards me, still examining me.

"You." I finally managed to find my voice. Recalling what happened at the communal party, my eyes hardened. "What are you doing here?"

Guilt and regret reside in her gaze as she ambles towards me, and with each step, my heart is telling me to get to her quickly and hold her. "You already know why."

"No, I don't." My voice is sharp, enough to make her flinch. "Get out. I need some time to collect my thoughts after what Heeseung told us."

A shaky breath leaves her lips. "Sunghoon─"

The anger, despair, heartbreak, and other emotions this woman does to me eventually implode. "Fuck, Stella! Why do you always have to be so difficult?!" I clench my jaw while my eyes are glaring into her watery eyes. "One moment, you acted like I was your enemy once again, and the next, you're telling me that the reason you did what you did was for our protection?!"

I see her faltering, and my heart wants to comfort her and apologise for my outburst, but my mind is in chaos, fucking me up. "You might've thought that what you did was honourable, but it doesn't change the fact that you still broke my heart!"

I feel dampness on my cheeks, but I dismiss it. "You know what's worst? I even thought of having a future with you before you decided to abandon me." I find myself taking a step forward, towering over her figure. "What you did and said was cruel."

Tears stream down her cheeks while her lips quiver. "I'm sorry."

"You broke my heart, and you were the reason why I didn't want to look for a lover in anybody else." The volume of my voice lowers as I stand in front of her, close enough to catch a whiff of her familiar perfume. "You crushed me, Stella."

"I'm so, so sorry." She covers her mouth with her hand, looking down. "I was selfish."

"Yeah, you were." My breath feels heavier while the air around me shifts. I can't resist myself from tucking her hair behind her ear, and when I do, she lifts her head to meet my eyes again.

"I made the decision that I thought was best for all of us." Her voice shakes, and the sadness in her eyes is as clear as the sky. "But I needed to do it because I didn't want to lose any of you." A soft sob escapes her lips. "Because I loved you."

"Did you?" I cradle the side of her face, boring my eyes into hers. "Did you love me, Hwang Stella? Your ex-nemesis?"

"I did, and I still do." Her voice drops to a whisper, and her eyes flicker to my lips. "Even after all this time, my love for you never fades."

"Prove to me." I say firmly, inching my face closer to hers. "You gotta prove to me that you still love me, Princess."

Stella's eyes flutter close as she presses her lips against mine, and that is all it takes for my heart to pound hard against my chest while my pulses drum loudly in my ears.

She pulls away just slightly before whispering, "I'm so sorry."

"Prove it then." My hands reach for her under-thighs, pulling her close to my body before I hoist her up with her legs locking around my waist. Amidst the sadness, there is a palpable tension that both of us can feel as our breaths become laboured.

The heart wants what it wants, and anyone would be an idiot to ignore it, and I'm one of those idiots. I neglected what my heart truly desires for too long. I've allowed my paranoia to get the best of me, resulting in me abandoning the loves of my life. My home.

Am I still afraid of the possibility that Hwang Minhyuk will end up finding us and hurting them? Yes. But I can't be apart from them any longer. Maybe I'm being selfish once more, but this time, it is a need. Like how I need air. Like how Sunghoon is kissing me as though he needs air as well.

With our clothes discarded and tossed elsewhere, he hovers on top of me, kissing me and having me moan airily into his mouth as his tongue invades the cavern of my mouth, exploring every inch.

"I'm still mad at you." He speaks harshly into my parted mouth as soon as he pulls away. Fervent lust clouds my mind like a haze, and my heart beats faster upon his fingers trailing down between the crevice of my breasts and down to my stomach until they finally reach my womanhood that is in need of him.

"Sunghoon!" I gasp, my body going into a complete shock, when he plunges his fingers into my cunt without any foreplay or warning, moving in and out at a rough pace. My hand latches on his moving wrist, but he doesn't relent.

"You're so fucking wet." He says gruffly, leaning down to nip at the skin on my breast before slotting his mouth over one nipple, adding pleasure to my body. He suckles it and bites it, though not enough to hurt me.

My hips move along his rapid movement, and a moan escapes from my lips when he draws circles on my aching clit. "H-Hoon!" I throw my head back on the pillow, my eyes closing shut at the ecstasy while my fingers are tangled in his hair. I feel him trailing his kisses upward until he stops at my neck.

"Yeah? You're close, princess?" He asks, smirking against my neck, his fingers are unrelenting while the sloshing sound echoes in the room.

"So close!" I attempt to rut against his fingers, but as soon as my climax reaches its peak, he removes his fingers from my hole. Tears prickle in my eyes, staring at him as he has a cruel grin on his face. "Why did you do that for?"

"A punishment." In a blink of an eye, he turns me over, my stomach lying flat on the mattress. I gasp at how he's manhandling me, pulling my legs towards him and spreading them. I don't even have the time to react or to adjust when he abruptly thrusts his cock into my hole. He grabs a fist of my hair before pulling it back, forcing me to arch my back.

A series of moans fly from my lips while tears stream down my cheeks. He is ruthlessly fucking me, as though he is fucking his pent-up emotions into me. I hear him breathing harshly amidst the grunts beside my ear.

"How are you so tight?" He asks with a grunt. "Don't tell me that you've never looked for anyone to fill this sweet hole of yours, even after you left me."

My body is shoved upward at the impact when he delivers a deliberate yet hard thrust. "I didn't." I whimper, loving the pain he is giving me.

He scoffs beside me, mocking me. "Really?"

"Yes." My hands claw on the bedsheets, and a high-pitched moan leaves my lips as soon as his tip hits the spot.

"Good." He presses a wet, open-mouthed kiss on my cheek before cooing. "Because you belong to me. Your body belongs to me." He thrusts, hitting the spot that has me curling my toes. "This sweet cunt belongs to me."

"Yes." I nod my head, lost in the ecstasy. I roll my eyes back as soon as I feel the climax approaching, but he abruptly pulls out, making me cry out. "No!"

"No?" He turns me around, my back on the mattress. A smirk touches his lips as he looks down at me, who is in a crying mess. "You'll take only what I give you." I flinch and moan out when the tip of his cock hits my clit, tapping it repeatedly and teasing me.

"Please." I whimper, moving my hips in an attempt to entice him into shoving his cock into my already gaping cunt with the pre-essence leaking.

"Please, what, my slutty princess?" He leans down with a simper smile, his hand brushing the hair from my face before he kisses me sweetly.

"Please fuck me." I whisper against his lips, but he teases me, sliding his cock in between my wet folds tantalisingly slowly. "Please, please, please."

"Yeah? You want to get fucked hard?" He speaks harshly into my parted lips before spitting in my mouth, one of his kinks. I swallow down with a moan.

"Yes." Just as I answer, he shoves his cock back into my awaited hole. This time, he sets the pace slow, taking his time to savour how tight my walls are engulfing him, but hard enough that it hurts so good.

"I'm never going to let you leave again." He grunts, now thrusting with a ferocious vigour that has me rolling my eyes to the back while my back curves into a deep arch. His lips are on my neck as I feel him breathing harshly. "I'm going to fill you up good."

I moan in response, my hands in his hair as I tug at the roots. "Sunghoon!" I scream as soon as I feel the familiar climax, and he doesn't relent, thrusting still until I finally come, my body convulsing.

But he doesn't stop, overstimulating me. "Sunghoon!" I whimper, feeling sensitive. My eyes roll to the back once more when his hand curls around my neck, tightening it firmly as he continues to drill into me with deliberate, precise thrust that has me seeing stars.

"I told you, princess." Thrust! "I'm gonna fill you up so good." Thrust! "So you won't be able to run away from me again."

And so, the room continues to be tainted with our sinful acts, round after round.

PREV CHAP | NEXT CHAP

#enhypen #enhypen fanfic #enhypen poly #enhypen reverse harem

[muzzleroars]

Ight I hope you don't mind me putting this here but-

BAM!

This is my oc for your fallen gabe Au if that's alright!

His names Enoch (no relation to the book of Enoch) he's a throne angel so about one rank or two above Gabriel. Hence why his face is a bit more humanoid

Also side note he is a fallen angel of wrath but I haven't finished the drawing for that yesterday and this one's been done for awhile and I reaaallly wanted to show him off so I'll be talking more about him pre fall.

Basically after God's disappearance he was one of the founding members of the council (though not for long).

During the Sisyphus insurrection he lead the charge against Sisyphus unfortunately permanently loosing the use of his wings, rumor states that his wings were torn off by Sisyphus himself but the validity of this statement is iffy. Though it was confirmed they where torn off in the battle

Part of the reason he didn't get his wings back is because he's from one of the oldest generations of angels makeing his wings extra fragile (plus eh, more of a head cannon to me that angel wing are so fragile it's hard to heal them from terrible injuries like that)

Both before and after the Sisyphus insurrection though he was an avid believer in the "ferryman have paid for there sins" and to let them into heaven (part of the reason he's now fallen). He's also had a tendency to yell when he got angry (and he got angry a lot).

But the thing he's most famous for is haveing either A. Brought the idea of tearing the light from angels as a punishment to the council or B. Taught the council how to tear the light from an angel without God's assistance (like god had to approve of an angels light being torn from them before hand). But I'll let you decide whatever.

And he was all for this "tear the light" out of the heretics bodie's". At first the council didn't agree but once they realized how useful it was to keep people in check they also went full force on it.

Part of me is thinking he either went a bit Robespierre and went crazy with tearing the light from people he thought was heretics or he thought the council was going crazy with tearing the light from people (probably the ladder)

Eventually though the council got tired of Enoch yelling about how the ferryman should be forgiven. And whatever stance he had on the councils use of tearing the light out of people. and in turn used the very punishment he brought to the council against him, tearing the light from his body. Over the years heaven forgot about him and the council said he retired.

He became a fallen angel of wrath and there's a lot of ideas I have there but this is already a wall of text so I apologize. In short as a fallen angel of wrath he went a bit crazy from the constantly drowning.

Final notes,

He probably knew our favorite archangels, maybe interacted with Gabriel a couple of times from being on the council, and Raph from haveing lost his wings in the insurrection (the one patient he couldn't heal other then Micheal)but I don't think he was to to close to either of them. Part of me wants to think of Enoch as a kind of mentor to Uriel but that's up to you. I just think it would be neat since Enoch Pre fall and after the insurrection was a pretty decent guy typically spending most of his time trying to find ways to make heaven better overall, once haveing been this source of enlightenment turned into this monster of rage and anger.

It would probably hurt Uriel to see what Enoch becomes but not destroy him completely. But that's more for when I get fallen Enoch art finished.

Ight, thank you for dealing with my ramblings and this monster of an ask I just really wanted to show my boy off.

OOOOH i really like the idea that he introduced light being torn from angels and so, whether he knew it or not, he ushered in the age of the council's tyranny once they realized how useful this could be. tbh it's interesting to consider a council corruption arc, although i do think they were at least already halfway there just from assuming god's throne (they 100% encouraged michael to leave and i think that was the tipping point into "anything goes" for them to maintain power) also attached to the idea of a primordial angel, sort of one of lucifer's time, who were made before much of creation and act as advisers to all the younger sets (CUTE to have him know and work with uriel) makes it all the more intriguing in a character sense when the wiseman falls as an angel of wrath...falling deeper and deeper into that pit of concern over heresy, what he brought into heaven, and the denial of the repentant. poor guy ;o;

#also made me think of like. the full fallen au #since uriel becomes an angel of heresy....HM HM.... #oh and!! i go with the idea that all the archangels are cherubim since they're placed so much higher than the virtues! #with archangel existing purely as a title #which is. really not here nor there since he would still be subject to enoch as a member of the council and due to his age imo #plus any of the thirds of the hierarchies are pretty loose in power structures due to their grouping and close ranking besides #apologizing once more for my au being!!! a mess!!! #cake answers #long post

[raspberrylix]

Analysis on why Seirin vs. Yōsen match is the best one in the whole series

Quick note, analysis is a strong word, this is more of an opinion essay, so think what you want. And if you don’t agree with me, you’re wrong /j /lh

I’ve noticed some opinions about this topic and wanted to chime in myself. The length of this post might have gone out of hands, but if you have nothing better to do, it would be nice if anyone could read it and maybe join into the discussion.

It is not a flawless match, there are flaws and some that I would not dare to call flaws. But the reason why I loved this match so much is the characters and their conflicts, there were many of them. Unlike with other teams, Seirin only played with Yōsen once and during the first anime watch, it was clear that in the hierarchy of GoM members, Murasakibara together with the whole of Yōsen is at the very end. So, in the single game Fujimaki decided to shove 4 conflicts – Kagami vs Himuro, Murasakibara vs Kiyoshi, Kagami vs Murasakibara and Kuroko vs Murasakibara, and then the introduction of Haizaki happened and got pushed to the front before the proper conclusion to Kagami vs Himuro one. While I really liked how each of them played out, I agree with some criticism and hate how rushed everything felt. To some extent it feels like “75.5 最高のプレゼントです” (saikō no puresento desu; It’s the best present), Kuroko’s birthday OVA, talked more about the relationships between these characters than the end of the arc which maybe could be seen as time simply passing but it makes me feel a little unsatisfied. But the, realistically, having more matches would have been difficult too.

But I don’t agree with the idea that this match was bad because it wasn’t as visually out there as other ones. In my opinion it’s something that made it the game much more enjoyable. It helped seeing the characters personalities and their current struggles, it felt more real.

In the second part I will be taking about the characters themselves and earlier mentioned conflicts, mainly focusing on the first two.

Kagami vs Himuro

I really enjoyed it. The jealousy, the feeling of being left in the dust by your own mentee, the ongoing resentment of someone you saw as you own little brother. It was great. Himuro is such an interesting and lovable character, so his anger towards both Kagami and Alex is so valid and portrayed quite well, I would say.

At the same time Kagami as well – losing your older brother figure, thinking like it was your own fault, having a fight and then dipping to another side of the world before even resolving it. Having those feelings and then having to start a life in Japan alone and at the same time struggling to find friends before joining Seirin for the same reason on why he lost that connection with Himuro – for being better at basketball.

And once they meet in the match, it’s so much more personal, to both of them. We were shown Kagami struggling, his emotions getting in the way, but I believe Himuro, underneath all the rage, was maybe also feeling something similar. The game ended, Haizaki kicks Himuro, Kise and Aomine save the day, such a good moment.

It is such a good moment, that I’m conflicted if it was satisfying enough or such quick introduction of Haizaki ruined it. Because I would have loved to see more of their brotherly relationship AFTER the big resolution, but maybe quite randomly introduced side character’s exploration was not as important.

Murasakibara vs Kiyoshi

I believe it’s clear that I love Murasakibara. But I also adore Kiyoshi, so seeing them put against each other made it oh so entertaining.

The annoying part is that their conflict and just those two, the energy between them is so important to me that i probably won’t be able to write any coherent thoughts, but let me try.

Often Murasakibara’s conflict is he loves basketball, he loves it more than anyone else, but because of his build and other physical abilities, he is not getting challenged for that. He became bored. Kiyoshi was one if not the first one who did, even back in middle school. Which even then infuriated Murasakibara as he did not see Kiyoshi as a worthy opponent, the same way with Kuroko and Kagami as well. But even after crushing Kiyoshi in middle school, that guy did not back down. Oh, he did not back down and then they met in high school level game.

Another thing I love about Kiyoshi is that he might appear like a golden retriever kind of character, but he’s very smart. He’s a sharp–tongued mastermind, like look at him and Hyūga. He knows how to infuriate Mursakibara, which, together with Kiyoshi’s play, made Mursakibara enraged, which lead into Kiyoshi having to be called out until near the very end of the match.

But even more importantly, Himuro’s speech about talent, jealousy and hard work during the time out that made Mursakibara become interested in the game again, to literally put his hair up. Yōsen pulled up and then Kiyoshi came back for the last minute. He’s stubborn, which annoys already fired up Mursakibara.

And then Mursakibara got into the zone...

... And then game ended.

And then we did not get to see him play up until Last Game (have not yet read extra game, I am so sorry) and even then, once he realizes he could do more than he thought and that basketball is not actually boring, he’s crushed. Literally.

That’s just something I find so infuriating about how Murasakibara’s character is written and also treated by Fujimaki, so after writing this, and putting thoughts into words, I now get why some may not like this match.

The ending is underwhelming. Yes, we get to see Mursakibara being crushed and saying that he’ll quit but also him really not wanting to quit and being deeply hurt by the loss and then what?

That’s it.

During the birthday OVA he’s still irritated by Kiyoshi's presence and then Last Game happens.

I’d say near all of GoM arcs feel some or less satisfyingly complete, other than his and Midorima’s (on who I could go on another rant but for that some research need to be done)

To conclude this off the rails mess, the conflicts between characters had so much potential, Murasakibara is such an underdeveloped character that has been watered down for no reason. At least I can’t seem to find one. I also been hearing that last game ruined Okamura’s character but it’s hard to speak without reading the manga.

If only we got more of Yōsen.

That’s my only regret and the only reason why I could not like this match – only because it brings the issue to the light. But despite all of this, I still love it, it is still my favourite game in the whole series and each time i love it even more.

#黒子のバスケ #kurokos basketball #kuroko no basket #kuroko no basuke #murasakibara atsushi #kiyoshi teppei #kagami taiga #himuro tatsuya #knb #seirin #vs #yōsen

[hellsfirekeepsyouwarm]

Don't Come To Me Pt. 3

Helloooo! Here i am with the next part. It's a little slower one, but i think it turned out good. I'm happy you guys wanted more, and i'm really into writing for him rn. I can't stop with the love triangle stuff, so bare with me. (i am in my Triple Frontier days guys, so i'm positive i'll have some content with the boys. :))

Billy Russo x F!Reader

Warnings: Billy being kinda selfish, Billy being kinda possessive but in a sexy way.

Summary: Billy decides what if wants, and he wants two things. You, and a victory over his best friend.

Taglist: @icarus-isflying @intothesoul

PART 2 PART 4

"You should have left her out of this, Frank." There is a heavy feeling on Billy's chest, his whole body shaking in anger. His choice of words are way more gentle than the ones in his head raging. "Why the fuck did you involved her?" He speaks again when the only thing on the other side is Frank's breathing.

"She's not involved in anything, Billy." Frank's answer just fuels Billy's fury, the grasp on his cool dissolving by the second. Billy grabs the edge of the couch, collecting himself, remembering you are sound asleep, drunk on a whole bottle of whiskey, only a couple feet away. He cannot lose control right now.

"Don't act like death doesn't follow you like a shadow everywhere you go." It's a painful blow, he knows that, but the fact Frank took a chance on her life, her safety by contacting her, is sending him over the edge. He knows how to get under Frank's skin, and he'll do it if he has to.

"You can drag me into your bullshit, but not her, you hear me? Not her Frank." But Billy needs to be on Frank's good side, he can't give him a reason to even look at him the wrong way. He needs to be careful, in order to keep every last of his secrets under wraps. Because he has innumerable of them.

"Don't act like you are a saint, brother. She's just as much in danger with you, you know that." Well shit he's right. Ish.

Billy's idea of a comeback is made out of various selected curse words that he needs to swallow quickly, before they roll out on his tongue. Damn it's hard, fucking hard when it's about her, her safety, mind body and soul, and his reputation and future is on the line. Frank is a threat he considered a buried skeleton, a ghost that lingered above his head while he tried to shut his tired eyes to rest.

"She's okay, Frank. She's safe, with me." He softens his voice, forcing the distracting details out of his brain. For now at least.

"I know." The admission is a slap on the face and a long desired validation. Coming from a man he looked up the most, and despised the most. Maybe this is how love works for Billy. Hate and love forging together until he cannot determine which is which.

Frank thinks he is doing a good job. He managed to keep you away from his work, from the deepest pits of military and government shit she only saw in movies. From Maria and the kids, having her back while she grieved, grieved the life's lost and grieved a best friend who wasn't the same man anymore. He made sure she was as far as she can be from Frank's mass killing spree, and the painful spotlight that came with it. The only thing he could never protect her from is himself. That's the fucking thing he just can't deal with. Can't accept it, but it surely would be easier. To just embrace it, and maybe that would lead him closer to her, let her love him like she wants to.

Frank said it. Loud and clear, and it made his heart break by the pride and pain he felt. Everything she needed protection from is caused and originated from him. Billy is the reason for most of it. His ego grew twice as much, but the hatred for himself swallowed like quicksand.

He takes a breath, not too loud for Frank to hear, he spells out a meeting spot for to meet, and ends the call. There is no need for doubt, Frank will be there. He needs to figure out how to make Frank disappear. For good this time.

He stands there for a long minute, calming his body, his nerves. His mind is telling him to flee, get it out of his system. The pent up anger and frustration he could never channel properly. That's why he chose this life, being a marine held him accountable, at least towards himself. The life taught him discipline he lacked, but it was only good for a while. When he was home, away from the killing and blood, and constant fight or flight mode, he lost the order, the routine that kept him in check.

You told him countless times when you first saw him in action, you saw a different person. You told him you could never thought he can have this type of regulation. That it was unlike him, and that would be true. His nature was wild and unhinged, no rules just his own when it came to living.

Surviving? That was a whole different level. He thrived because his brain clicked, shifted, his instinct kicking in like an ecstasy in his blood. It's way better than ecstasy.

It's cruising in his veins right now, standing in your living room, literally glowing from the adrenaline rush the brief exchange of words gave him with Castle. It's a weird but pleasant mixture how the high of danger, and the fear of what can happen is clashing together.

This feeling makes him want to go and have his way with Madani, because he knows she'll let him in, he knows they trick he can use on her. It's easy and taunting still, and he likes the edge. And he likes that it's nothing more. He could fuck this out of his mind.

He shakes his head in order to push out the idea. His hair falling around his face. He won't go to Madani.

He walks soundlessly to your door, letting the small light in with a bright straight line to your sleeping form. You are snoring softly, hair sticking to your forehead, sweating out all that extra alcohol your system can't swallow up.

The need of slipping out your flat is turning into a slipping into your bed need. Just curl up next to you, listening to the noises you make, the mumbles from your dreams, sheets twirling between your thighs as you straddle the cover he put on you. It's the perfect view, rare, unforgettable. He saw you in bikini, swimsuits even in your underwear, in more revealing clothes, sexier pieces, but the way your ass arched perfectly, your shirt rolled up enough to reveal the glowing skin on your back, little stretch marks covering your side as tiger stripes.

He steadies himself, shoulder leaning to the door frame as heat creeps up on his neck. Shit, this is getting ridiculous. He can have any woman, it's not arrogant to think, it's true. And he still blushes when it comes to you, when he had countless sex with gorgeous women, saw way more of a body, felt more than now. He just watching your bare legs hugging tightly onto the fabric, and he feels lost, out of breath. It's better if he stays, right? Making sure you are okay in the morning. Right?

But you only want it, because you have competition. The voice is so loud in the back of his head, he can't ignore it. He never had competition other than Frank, and he outed himself when he married Maria, and had his fairy-tale life with the big house and the perfect kids. Any other men was just a pathetic try, he usually wondered how could you not see the impotence in each of them. They were easy to get rid of. It took only a big wide toothy grin, a lazy hand around your shoulder, a snarky but honey coated comment, and they were out of the picture. Now that was in his nature. He was so good at intimidating with his charming acts that he never even needed to try, it just came as breath in the lungs. And the price was you. standing there lonely, not sure why no man can handle you. And he would be there to breath life into your smile, making it reach you eyes again. A win.

Shit.

He can't blindside the guilt, his own personal gain clothed in sheep skin. Because he likes the idea of winning you. Winning you from Frank Castle himself, dragging your attention from him, enveloping you in genuine but manipulated sweet words and praises. He likes it, he takes two at once. You, and his delicious victory.

A smile is spreading on his handsome features, watching you turn around with a huff, shielding your eyes still asleep, but aware of the bugging streak of light. His heart swells with care and love, and the guilt eating little chunks out of his soul.

He wants you, but he wants to win. That he cannot deny.

The bed is calling to him. Empty space made for him. Sheets and pillows untouched, smelling like your shampoo, the remains of your perfume and the unmistakable scent of your skin.

It would be wrong on so many levels to just slide under the sheets, and meet you halfway on the mattress, pulling you in his arms, pressing a soft peck of kiss on the crown of your head.

He always craved domesticity when he was with you. The simple things felt magical. Pushing the cart lazily in a heavily air conditioned grocery shop, having your arm brush against his in need of heat, while it's flaming hot outside. Stopping at the coffee shop near your apartment building, getting a chocolate bar you said you wouldn't get, ordering him to stop you if you take a sharp turn to the sweets isle. Pulling you towards the inside of the sidewalk, cars rushing past you with high speed making him nervous, talking about his work casually, you eyes curious, drinking every word, and remembering what he have told you days later.

In these moments he felt lovesick. Forgetting his ways, the all time bachelor. But the nights came crushing down on him as he stepped into the empty rooms of his apartment, cold and lifeless. Too much space left to fill in, space he's not enough to cover. And he wanders if it's possible, to have you in the kitchen when he gets home, a glass of wine dancing in your hands as you stir whatever you are making on the stove. To have you ask about his day while he untangles himself from the works clothes, snaking his arms around your torso, planting a kiss on your temple, inhaling the aromas of the food you are contracted on. You would giggle, saying his beard is tickling your neck, so he would do it again just to hear that sweet laugh.

Fuck, he's spiraling.

He goes around checking the door and windows, glancing at your phone in your purse, just a peace of mind that it's right where you left it, the last call deleted from existence. He turns off the lights, getting rid of his boots, sliding his t-shirt over his head, fidgeting with his belt that hold the dark jeans on his hips.

The cold sheets are a welcomed sensation against his flushed skin, the smell hitting his nose, just like he imagined. He carefully gets comfortable, fairly close to you, but not touching your resting body. He wants to, hell, he wants nothing more than scoop you up, caging you in the prison of his arms.

He sighs, letting his body ease into the bed, heaviness scratching his mind, sleep tugging his limbs. He would stare at the ceiling at home, alone. He would do that at least for 1-2 hours before his brain would stop working overtime.

He's satisfied. This is enough. For now.

He's just stopped moving, taking the position best for a good night sleep, but you stir as soon as he's settled. His eyes dart over you, you turn around, facing him, your hand colliding with his chest, you hum in response. He can't really see your face, but he can see your hand grabbing his abdomen, fingers digging into his skin to support your turn, pulling your body closer to his, nuzzling yourself closer.

He gently pulls you to his chest, knowing very well his arm will go numb in then minutes, but he has no care in this word. You settle almost on him, leg swung over his hips, legs tangled together, hot skin burning on hot skin.

He will win. He will have you, and he will win.

#billy russo imagine #billy russo x reader #billy russo fluff #billy russo

[leportraitducadavre]

Hello, are you having a great day? Are you enjoying holiday - if you celebrate them, that is. I have this question regarding Itachi: Do you think his character would've worked if he stayed as his Part 1 self?

Would it worked if it was framed how badly Konoha brainwashed him and he had sort of epiphany how rotten the system is and he became a criminal to fight it? Would it work in a way that's why Kisame and Itachi got along so well was because they had similar goal in mind? -Even though I have still troubles figuring out Sasuke in this, maybe it would stay the same or not-

Instead of him being a double agent and being still loyal to Konoha?

(Or is his character so ruined that it couldn't be fixed?)

(PS: Sorry if it is a bit wonky, English is not my first language.)

The problem isn’t Itachi following orders and killing his clan, the problem is the narrative justifying it. The problem is Itachi’s actions against Sasuke are narratively framed as love-driven. The problem is the constant justification of him being “brainwashed” by one single individual while we saw him constantly doing things that dispute this very notion and the basis of the Council’s arguments against the Uchiha. 

I don’t think it’s bad for Itachi to be loyal to Konoha as the very core of the story focuses on the corrupt shinobi system that sustains itself by producing wars in order to gain economic and military power while crushing smaller villages and/or clans. Itachi’s character is nothing but the reflection of a much bigger issue where he’s a complying tool that sees no wrong with the structure in place.

It’s a decent conflict and plot device to introduce in order to polish Sasuke’s character and his anti-system stance, but it gets absolutely destroyed beyond recognition by the need of redeeming a character whose structural core isn’t meant to be redeemed.

The story is pro-system as it’s pro-Naruto. Naruto’s main goal is to be recognized by everyone and, in order to be, he aspires to become Hokage. 

If such desire of him gets even a little bit threatened, then that’s a threat the plot will work around to destroy. Sasuke’s stance inside the plot is a threat -a very much real threat- to Naruto’s core goal as becoming Hokage of a country whose system is built on the oppression, murder, and destruction of others (villages or people alike) destroys Naruto stance inside his own story: He can’t be seen as “the good guy” if what he upholds is paradoxical to his heroic status. He turned, much like Itachi, an oppressed who became an oppressor, the justification for that 180° turn lays in the idea that rage, as a negative emotion, shouldn’t be pursued; yet rage, more so in the face of systematic oppression and genocide, is not only a very plausible emotion but also a very valid one to have. 

Naruto consciously represses his “negative” emotions (they’re emotions, the “negative” or “positive” connotation is given by the cultural perception of those feelings) as he considers them “destructive” of himself and his goals, stripping his feelings of substance when what he feels due to the discrimination he suffered it’s actually a very human and reasonable thing to have. In his particular case, “forgive and move on” isn’t the strongest thing to do, as anger forces the individual to deconstruct the reasoning behind such emotion, while forgiveness means no introspection.

Forgiveness isn’t something to give, it’s something to earn, and not a single Will of Fire supporter (who were the very same who discriminated against Naruto and everyone else), made something to win -Naruto was left alone in his turmoil, and in order not to be alone he granted them the mercy they never even asked for. If he allowed himself to truly experience his emotions, he’d have to chase the core of his ire, which will make him realize that the very issue laid on Hashirama deciding to use vessels to contain the Tailed Beasts, which made the Jinchuurikis central to the power-balance between the villages and that, in turn, made his father decide Naruto’s fate as both an orphan and a Jinchuuriki.

Because he considers forgiveness as this “incredibly powerful concept that only truly strong people give”, he thinks that “not forgiving” and instead seeking justice (by pursuing rage) is intrinsically negative, therefore, whoever searches for it is plunged into darkness and -as a person that “experienced” such feelings and “came out victorious”, it’s his job to show them the way.

I don’t think that Itachi, however, is as deep as Naruto in this regard -he naturalized the oppression his kin suffered at the hands of Konoha and decided it was the natural occurrence of things, him being “not-oppressed” meant that he was doing things as they were supposed to, unlike everyone else. He wasn’t able to see that he was the exception to the rule because he allowed Konoha to strip him from the identity no one else wanted to resign. His emotions weren’t in conflict because there weren’t conflictive emotions inside him in the first place.

He never truly considered himself Uchiha in the strict term of the word (he spoke badly of the clan in front of other members), as he was “Itachi Uchiha of the Leaf” (the order he implanted on Shisui's Kotoamatsukami was "protect Konoha", not be loyal to it -Itachi claiming to be "of the Leaf" was his own conviction).

This nationalistic mindset, vastly sustained in the "greater good" rhetoric, also tries to diminish the relevance of ethnicity identification inside the Narutoverse.

Let me explain it further: Being part of a clan isn't -or shouldn't be by Konoha's standards- as important as being a Konoha citizen. People inside the village should consider themselves Konoha citizens first and part of a clan second, so if the greater good (meaning, Konoha's survival or superiority) entails clans' oppression or the tolerance of slavery practices (Hyuuga), not only these practices are narratively perceived as necessary but also are to be accepted by those affected by them because they have to see the bigger picture.

This rhetoric isn't as challenging for those in power: some fans claim that all shinobi are forced to forfeit/diminish their identity as clan members to be Konoha's shinobi first, yet it translates differently in practice. It's easier for those benefited by the system to consider themselves part of their nation before their clan because their ethnicity isn't perceived nor treated differently.

I'm incredibly sorry for introducing notions you didn't ask for, as your question was far simpler and was more inclined towards the inspections of possibilities. But at his core, Itachi knew what he was doing, Itachi knew the flaws of the system and the reasoning behind his family's attempted coup -as he also was told to kill also the innocents, no person with at least one neuron working wouldn't have realized why that was asked of him.

Kisame and Itachi didn't have that good of a relationship either, they got somewhat along, but Kisame was keeping tabs on Itachi as Kisame was loyal to Obito's plan -the only thing they had in common is that they killed their own comrades by the village's request, yet, Itachi was still loyal to Konoha while Kisame became rogue. Kisame wanted to live in a different place, and he trusted no one but Obito, which is why he saw Tsukuyomi as possible (it depended on no people's desires but Obito's).

Hope this answer satisfies you.

#anti itachi uchiha #anti itachi uchiha fandom #anti itachi #sasuke #sasuke uchiha #pro sasuke uchiha #pro sasuke #anti konoha #anti shinobi system #naruto #anti hinata #anti ucm #anti coh #obito uchiha #naruto meta #naruto analysis #kisame #kisame hoshigaki

[bonerot19]

What are your feelings about Lost Days? Specifically the ending?

Personally I think “I don’t care about the world” doesn’t seem at all accurate to Jason’s actions. Like def unreliable narrator vibes otherwise why is he continually making his life harder.

Also the pit rage thing, people say it’s not canon but def hinted at in LD. I dislike when it’s used to brush aside Jason’s very valid anger but otherwise no strong feelings on it, what about you?

lastly, any takes about Talia and Jason’s relationship? Not the.. ending.. bits.. but other than that? I just don’t think there’s good evidence (doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be interesting to explore in fanfics ofc) that their relationship is white or black. I think Talia’s an immensely complicated person who has to continually make impossible choices in very brutal manners because of the circumstances of who she is and who she loves. As a result, there’s no such thing as ‘good mom’ or ‘bad mom’ Talia. But yeah.

I'll preface this by saying I haven't read lost days in a long while (and actually completely forgot that I had read it one point until I was reading a fic and was like......OH! FAMILIAR!) it's on my reread list, so I remember the broad strokes but not specifics (memory of a goldfish) so I can't comment on the first question rn but I'll keep it in mind on my reread after finals!

as for the pit rage - I have a lot of thoughts:

I think it can be an interesting plot device to diverge from canon - like I think it's interesting when someone has the pit amplify emotions (and therefore make it "pit rage" for Jason because he is angry). I think, in that situation, it can be a cool representation of real life intrusive thoughts and rage.

I have rage issues and trouble controlling my emotions and, sometimes, when I'm really angry, I understand the phrase "seeing red" to a lowkey scary degree. and I like it when fictional universes have magical things that represent real life things. I don't think it takes away from the real life thing, I think it acts as a analogy, making it easier to understand.

does Jason need a magical rage problem to represent his very real rage and anger issues? no. is it maybe helpful/easier to express how angry he is when you can say he's seeing green? yeah.

I like it a lot less when it's used to negate his emotions entirely or explain away his actions. (there's a lot of bad canon writing that has Jason do OOC things, so I'm chill with explaining that stuff away or ignoring it entirely) but when it comes to his return to Gotham and UTRH, I think his autonomy should remain intact. he wasn't lashing out because he was "insane" he was lashing out (and constructing a criminal empire as a teenager lmao) because he was hurt and angry and, maybe, he wanted to watch the world burn, a little bit. he wanted other people to feel the pain he was feeling bc it was unbearable. that's what teenagers are like. (if comics would stop drawing him to look 47, maybe that would come across better)

anyway - like all fanon interpretations and expansions, there are things I like and things I don't and I think it all comes down to interpretation. and I wouldn't ever condemn someone or their writing for interpreting something in a way I disagree with (hell, the more I get back into this fandom and the more comics I read/reread, the more I disagree with some of the Red Hood stuff I have written. that's fine. we're all learning and growing here)

TALIA

she's so precious to me and honestly a big reason I want to reread Lost Days. the poor woman has undergone so much character assassination in canon.

I completely agree that there is no "black and white" interpretation of her. she is complex (even when canon doesn't want her to be). she is a product of her environment, she is rebelling against her upbringing. she loves Damian, she does bad things to him sometimes. she is constantly stuck between a rock and a hard place.

with Jason, I do understand why people say her relationship with him is purely transactional (she does what she does for him for Bruce not Jason) and they're probably right. BUT I really like the interpretation of Talia that cares about him. I like the idea that she did try to restore his mind and train him in order to return him to Bruce, but that she grew attached and came to care about him (maybe/probably not as a mother, but as a mentor and perhaps cool, if emotionally distant, aunt)

I do enjoy fics where people write Talia as caring about Jason like a son, that's fun for me. give him a mom. (I do prefer giving him Selina or Natalia but like, any mom that isn't Sheila will do atp)

(and yeah idk, do what you want, but Talia and Jason fucking didn't happen in My Brain. I read that and went oh, no. lol. and never looked back)

#i'm getting a little too into Discourse these days #its making me question my interpretations and understanding and making me self conscious which IS NOT THE VIBE #so I lowkey need to back up a bit and just vibe again #people who don't read the comics and just go off fandom works are living a more peaceful life and I wish that was me #anyway #thanks for coming to my tedtalk #why use four words when forty will suffice #I-just-want-to-see #jason todd #talia al ghul

[206ofgoodomensdestoryedme]

GO SPOILERS: a little bit on the coffee theory

so, thanks for the six likes on my last good omens post.. i was happy. THANK YOU GUYS!! but anyway, lets get a little bit into the coffee theory because i really wanted to touch on this theory and my opinions. if you don't know what the coffee theory is, which i would be kind of surprised, it is a theory that metatron tampered with the coffee to guarantee that aziraphale would choose the position of being archangel. i am kind of towards this being untrue, but there are many reasons why this would be true. (i dont want to make this too long but the coffee theory is.. huge..) something that i found out myself is that aziraphale's happiness was over-blown. yes, he has a chance to be archangel, and wants to change things are. i understand that, but i would stay with crowley if i was in his place. i feel like aziraphale's happiness was a bit too much, maybe it was because the coffee was tampered? or because he gets to change things in heaven and gets to be with crowley at the same time (if crowley accepted.) i was just a tad bit shocked when he accepted the job. he loves life on earth, he loves crowley, he loves his bookshop, he loves humans.. so what is it? is it just because he REALLY wants to actually change things, or is it the coffee? it seems as metatron played with or manipulated aziraphale when he explains his love on earth and then metatron uses that to say that working with crowley would be irregular.. the metatron kinds of also uses that to explain that he could either be with crowley or get full status. and aziraphale being aziraphale, has no choice but to accept the job. so.. maybe the coffee theory IS real? maybe its not?? but, before i end this, this is why the coffee theory could be fake. 1. Neil Gaiman probably needed SOMETHING to make that kiss happen, make sure the plot of season three would be interesting, to make sure that the fans are engaged, to make sure the episode ended on a cliff hanger to get us all hooked. as a writer myself, you have to leave chapters on cliff hangers to get readers/fans hooked and attached to the story. he needed something to get us all upset, hooked, and begging for the cliff hanger to be completed. the thing about why it could be fake doesn't have so many reasons.. the only one i could fine was one, which doesn't support my reasoning whatsoever. but that is a very valid reason. welp, i might write more about the coffee theory after a really big deep dive and music, and watching youtube, and hearing from a bunch of other fans.. i need YOUR guys opinions on this, and help me out.. i need some more reasoning to understand. (this theory got me REALLY hooked it's insane really..) + a note to aziraphale: your an awesome character.. but.. you made me mad two times, with raging anger.. not really but still.

#good-omens #good omens 2 spoilers #good omens 2 #coffee theory #good omens theories #good omen s2 #ineffable husbands

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

Random updates into the void

At my therapy session this week we were talking about the job and aspects I didn’t like, one of them being the social aspect of now working daily with coworkers and how it takes me quite a long time to warm up and trust people and how “masking” is really draining. They asked if I needed recovery time after being social and I said yes, I cannot socialize with friends or anything after work because I’m just so emotionally drained from simple interactions.

The conversation then went into how I mask and I discussed how at my last job I really started to realize how people tend to treat me a little more harsh than others (at the schools) and I started to realize that the other case workers or parents I crossed paths with, the ones that were bubbly and smiley and conversational got better/quicker help/service.

At that point last year, I talked to my very outgoing friend for advice. I did change a lot with how I interact with others thus making things much more draining and hard. Things like over exaggerating my facial expressions, adding more inflections in my voice, asking how people are even tho I don’t care unless we know each other on that level

Then my therapist started asking more neurodivergent questions. I stopped seeking any treatment about this because I’m told I’m too high functioning in life to have any neurodivergence. Like my psychologist who was refusing to give me adhd meds bc “people with adhd can’t get all A’s in grad school”

Anyway, my therapist thinks I may be autistic and had me do some screenings for it of which all were “high chance of autism diagnosis”

They asked if i wanted to pursue a formal diagnosis or treatment and I said maybe, if it could benefit me. Because I have a tendency to hyperfixate on diagnoses I think I have and I don’t want this to be a hyperfixation again.

They said it would likely explain a lot of the reasons I came to therapy. Questions about my identity, rage outbursts, meltdowns, and social challenges.

I think I will pursue the diagnosis in hopes that I can get some accommodations at work. Mainly for them to okay me wearing noise blocking headphones because it’s one of the only things that can pull me out of a meltdown or prevent things from escalating.

We are not allowed to wear them at work, but was told I can play music quietly at my desk. Unfortunately, when I’m stressed out and starting to get overwhelmed, it’s the immersive experience of the music in noise blocking headphones that help soothe me. It’s also very specific music, but that’s neither here nor there.

Was thinking about this because I’m very overstimulated currently from a few different things and I took my lunch early and I’m sitting here with my headphones and like, instant relief.

Feeling kinda validated because it’s something I’ve suspected for a long time and my symptoms, especially the anger/meltdowns that can really interfere with my daily functioning. I’ve been through so much therapy and my anger is the one thing that I can’t seem to fix. It comes on fast and strong and I couldn’t tell you what triggers it. But maybe there’s another angle it can be tackled from a Neurodivergent lens?

[incarnateirony]

Being a straight trans man is:

Only being able to go to your gamerdude bros to talk about dude shit and trans shit

but also

Being the only motherfucker able to speak to men in a way to make them shut the fuck up about their takes on birth control and completely reappraise them.

Like yes. That big long list of cultural misandry is garbage. I deal with that garbage. I've been rage blogging about that garbage for the last 2 days. It is, in fact, garbage, and your feelings are valid for it being garbage.

It also has nothing fucking whatsoever to do with controlling what anybody else does with their uteruses. That's just taking out your anger on the nearest target, dude.

Just cuz bullshit happens to us doesn't mean we should try to enact bullshit on others. That big long list of misandry you gave me, about criminal convictions or domestic violence or whatever the fuck IS a problem and I am NOT telling you that it is NOT and that shit makes me punch walls too, but that has FUCKING. NOTHING. To do with the actual discussion. You will never die if you jizz. You will never be stranded with no work options or ability to pay for your shit if you jizz. Your right to jizz ends there.

You have your own traumas (in this friend) about abortion but your life and my life are not everyone's life, and our traumas and reasons to want to control something does not mean we actually should. That's just trauma response.

I told him outright. Look I get it, men think they're cornered socially and feel basically like all they're good for is making a bloodline and they risk losing that, but projecting that cultural need to force it onto women, or even act like it's How It Must Be, is misdirected anger. End of. I know it sucks on a primitive monkey brain level to hear "my lady not want to have my baby" when you think you're cornered everywhere else but maybe just talk to your fucking partners about WHY they want to make that choice WITHOUT going in intending to argue it away as first priority? Nah?

Dude that big list of misandry gripes you entered is real but if abortion was illegal tomorrow all that shit would still be there. You didn't fix any of that shit. You just controlled women more.

"...oh."

#lgbtq #trans

[filthforfriends]

I created my tumblr as a platform to dump my writing and fan edits, but also as a place where I didn’t have to filter myself. My mental health is so fragile that when something happens to me everyone wants to go straight to fixing it and skip the “wow that sucks” stage. However I’ve learned that feeling my anger is important because for so long my mother filled up all that space emotionally. Here I I can rant and rage and not worry about concealing anything. People whose names I don’t know not only validated my experiences, but often share them or at least understand them in a way that comes with tremendous empathy. But for the first time I’ve paused and I’ve concealed and I’ve questioned whether or not I should post this.

My life is no longer garden variety sucky things took a really disturbing turn just after Christmas. But there are still a variety of reasons I want to post this, mainly I don’t know how to feel or react. Maybe someone else has endured something this violating and humiliating but shoved it way down and felt alone. God knows I share those actions.

If you click beyond this point you’re agreeing that you’re at least in your 20s, mentally stable, and understand that what follows is megafucked

My mom is a published author. I was discouraged from reading her work because it was as very “adult” but at age 15 I snuck a peak on a story that I realized it was not so loosely based on my brother. I know she wrote about her life experiences through the lens of her narcissism and called it fiction, but I thought that the much of her stories was still made up.

So I’m visiting family over the holidays and my cousin whom I haven’t talked to since 2015 could tell that a book my mom published in 2019 was very clearly about me and non-fiction. He said that he tried to read the book but “there was just something about it he didn’t like.” It gave me a strange feeling so I read the short story.

It was absolutely not fictionalized at all. The character had a different name but the story contained my exact medical information, exact dates reactions happened. Extremely specific descriptions of my medical issues, many of which were mental.

There’s no question I should have been taken to a child psychologist. By the age of four I’d developed panic disorder, OCD, attachment disorder, and suicidal tendencies. I was not a happy child I was in constant fear and my mom used every detail of this because my story was compelling. I really can’t stress enough that she changed nothing but my name.

She documented exactly what I said during panic attacks that ruined my life. She documented what I said after attempting to drown myself. When they brought me to a therapist she documented how I behaved in the sessions, what I said, what the therapist said. My mother takes a journal with her everywhere and journals in the morning and evening.

She took all these direct quotes and described my every trauma response and brush with death in the first five years of my life. Confidential, highly specific, private information and she got it published and distributed nationally. I helped her do press on that book because I didn’t know. Now all these people know the most intimate details of my excruciating childhood.

I can only assume she did the same with her last book which several of my high school teachers read because they were her graduate students. She wrote the recommendation letters that helped them get that teaching position. My mother is a respected tenured professor at the university in our city. I cannot exaggerate how trapped I feel right now.

Eden, that sucks but it isn’t disturbing. This is me giving you another chance to scroll.

I found out from reading this non fiction “fiction” about my childhood that I was molested. By my mother. She wrote about molesting me. I had no memory of this particular incidence but I do remember another one like it that I ignored by convincing myself it was an accident. So I know that just like everything else in that story, the molestation did happen. I’ve showed it to a social worker and my therapist who both agree what the scene described.

Absolutely horrifying right? Yeah, especially because it’s on the third page. Especially because she gave this book to every member of my large extended family for Christmas. I can’t believe she allowed me to devote hours to publicity for this book. I got her in a Buzzfeed article. I must look like a imbecile to anyone that attends readings and signing who have read the book themselves.

My working theory is that my mother was just doing to me what was done to her by multiple men in her childhood. I don’t think she was attracted to me as a child. Because of her narcissism she didn’t consider how I might be affected from these experiments. Of course she hasn’t acknowledged what happened on any level. The scene is phrased as if I wanted what was happening to be which of course I didn’t because I was four.

I think poorly concealing it in a story was some sort of absolution. If people read it and didn’t call her out that would mean she did nothing wrong. Every mental health physician has suspected molestation even after I insisted it didn’t happen. They only asked about the men in my life, but never my mother.

I don’t know how to feel or act or change as a person or think about it or treat it. Has this dictated everything about my relationship with sex? Has it dictated nothing about my relationship with sex? How do I move forward?

#tw: sa #tw: mental health #tw: child abuse #tw: sui mention

[sunlightandsuffering]

Do you have any snippets written of the reverse bite me au that you could share with us? If you dont thats fine!!

I find it so hot how erens dream girl isnt even any regular omega, she HAS to be omega MIKASA 🥵 love the dom/sub dynamic!! and its so cute how eren doesnt even want an alpha mate but will try JUST FOR MIKA UGH BEST BOY

Anon ily so much for this ask lol, this ask is the sole reason I opened the reverse bit me doc again 😂 and now I've been working on it a bit so thanks!!! It's angstier than I thought it was lol!! So here have them arguing about it lol!! the dom sub dynamics are gonna be strong as soon as Eren figures it out lmaoooo

His eyes are intent on hers, and normally she’d never argue, never make a peep but she can’t resist throwing it out there, “But what about an Omega?”  His eyebrows rise into his hairline, his reply quick, brusque “Not interested, not for me.”  Mikasa huffs in irritation, “You can’t just exclude an entire class of werewolves Eren, you don’t know, maybe you’d like an Omega.”  Eren scoffs, his eyes fiery as he replies, set in his view, “I can say quite confidently, I won’t.” Her anger builds, this pit of rage blooming in her chest, all spewing out at once, “Why not? Everyone wants an Omega, what makes you think you’re above it?”  He gets a little defensive, “Nothing, I just, I think I want an Alpha.”  “Well, that’s not good enough,” she snaps, “Omegas are coveted for a reason.”  Finally, Eren gets annoyed with her arguing, “Well do you want an Omega? What the fuck makes them so great Mika?”  Mikasa retorts right back, “I wouldn’t look down my nose at one!” 

That’s when Armin finally jumps in, breaking it up, “Just relax you two. Every werewolf class is good okay? Happy?” 

“Whatever,” Eren sneers, turning away and Armin shakes his head at them before standing up and dusting himself off.  “I’m gonna go see what’s going on with everyone night swimming, make sure no one’s drowned yet, but you two stop arguing okay? Please don’t kill each other in my absence.” 

Eren waves him off and Mikasa gives him a tight smile as her friend leaves, heading off towards the dark waters where she can hear some distant splashing and every so often Sasha’s shriek of laughter. 

She knows she should let it go but she really can’t, turning in her red camp chair to look at Eren, scooting a little closer in the sand so their arms are almost touching.  She gets one more parting shot, “You know Omegas have their merits Eren.”  “Like what?” He asks in disbelief, a wry smile on his face as she continues the argument, but she can’t help it, she craves the validation. 

She looks up, so close in the light of the fire, bathing his skin golden as it crackles in front of them.  She releases a breath as she considers herself, the merits of an Omega, the call on alpha instincts, everything she’d want if she was normal, everything Eren should want. Mikasa leans in closer, so they’re almost cuddled together, the only thing separating them the arms of their pathetic little camp chairs, bracing herself on his well-muscled shoulder.  Her lips find his ear as she whispers to him, her voice seductive, “Submissive, breedable, loyal, doesn’t that interest you Eren? Total devotion.”

His breath stutters as the whispers it like a secret, “They’re so needy, I’ve heard Omega heats can last weeks, their only desire to fuck their mate.”

He’s barely breathing, hanging onto her every word, breath stalled in his chest as her lips brush against his ear, she wants so badly just to give a little nibble, or the slightest kiss.  “As an alpha doesn’t that call to you, if your mate needed you so much, she’d cry with it, beg, on her knees just to have you.” 

#reverse bite me au