#maybe this isnt real and in a few years i'll get over it. i hope so. and at the same time i hope not.

[danvillecheese]

the dwampyverse and all its timelines

welcome to the analysis i've been promising for like two years! this will be phineas and ferb centric simply due to the sheer amount of episodes compared to milo murphy's law and hamster and gretel. with the inclusion of hamster and gretel, i will admit this has gotten a little less easy to navigate, but i'm hoping with a bit of analysis and suspension of belief, it'll be okay. ready? lets go!

the best way i can describe this first part is by providing a visual of how i see it. and using a three-circle venn diagram makes perfect sense with all of the overlapping and individual parts.

so - pictured above is said venn diagram. each part is its own timeline. ones where each show is their own timeline, ones where pnf/mml overlap, mml/hng overlap, pnf/hng overlaps and the one right in the centre where they all overlap. this doesnt include timelines where "endings" are separate (read: quantum boogaloo, act your age, doof 101, owca files... any ending that isnt last day of summer. but i'll get to those ones later). make sense?

1. where only phineas and ferb exists.

this works best before 2015. this timeline is the one that has zero murphy crumbs on it. dan and swampy haven’t yet had the idea of doing a show about a kid with awful luck and time travelling shenanigans. this is the most nostalgic timeline, for phineas has reigned over the disney channel cartoons for eight years. the lumberzacks dont exist, hamster and gretel dont save danville each week. pnf is its own show. no other shows have an influence on it.

adding to this - if you ignore any of the alternate timeline episodes and stop at last day of summer, you get my personal favourite way of watching the show. this one is basically just ignoring owca files, doof 101, all of mml and most importantly - act your age. I love the idea of an open book ending for these characters, especially for ones we saw on our tvs for over eight years [when it aired]. the events that take place after last day of summer are simply giving an idea of what COULD happen to our beloved cast, and without them, they really make no impact on the original story. the events before the end of summer are in no way impacted by the other alternate ending episodes.

2. where both phineas and ferb and milo murphy’s law exists

this is the canon, everything-exists-all-at-the-same-time timeline, pre-hamster and gretel. every piece of context works together, and everything is all connected. everything is canon! everyone is friends with each other! the pnf effect works! doof moves in with the murphy's, and this timeline is basically if you watched pnf and mml chronologically, without any of the alt ending episodes (in case you forgot which ones: quantum boogaloo, act your age, doof 101 and the owca files). this is the one i think we're all familiar with - it also includes candace against the universe (mostly uh... broadly speaking, the lumberzacks are the only mml thing in there).

3. where only milo murphy’s law exists

a timeline where pnf and hng are nonexistent. this timeline would probably exclude anything past season one, really. the crossover would not work. maybe even in this timeline the pistachions take over everything and the human characters cease to exist. (eleanor shellstrop this is the bad place!.jpeg) this further pushes the point (that I haven’t made - I’ve been thinking it I just haven’t said it lmao) that you can’t have milo murphys law without phineas and ferb. the crossover plot proves it. both in the real world AND in mml.

4. where just hamster and gretel exists

this one is a little hard to explain, especially since hng has only just finished its first season. there are a few pnf references in this show but it stands on its own feet much more than mml did. i think the likelihood of hng existing in its own timeline works a lot better than mml - but the chance of there being a surprise crossover is moderately high. like i said, it's a little hard to analyse this since its that much more removed from its predecessors.

5. where milo murphy’s law and hamster and gretel exist

this is a very unlikely scenario, but there is a chance a timeline like this exists somewhere. it’s a bit difficult to analyse or even prove since there haven’t been any kind of references or even characters that pop up in hng from mml. I wouldn’t expect the opposite either, considering that mml ended in 2019 and hng didn’t exist until after that, so hng within mml is basically impossible without a third season.

these last two timelines make a lot less sense, especially since hng still has stories to tell and we havent seen mml characters there yet (well... unless you count doof. hes technically a mml character, right? as much as some of us dislike that fact? haha. ahahaha.)

6. where phineas and ferb and hamster and gretel exists

this one works. i think it’s basically how dtva thinks it works (basically completely ignoring mml’s entire existence lmao) but this is basically the canon timeline of hng currently. but we’ll wait and see if there’s a crossover.

7. where all of phineas and ferb, milo murphy’s law and hamster and gretel exist all at once

like I say, a surprise crossover could happen (but based off what happened with the pnf effect I can’t even imagine how messy this would get) so yes, they could exist all at once. and they probably do, just that hng is a lot further removed from its predecessors in terms of references and characters popping up out of nowhere (doof and his inators don’t seem to have much importance yet, but who knows how it’ll end). this timeline, basically, is for those who don’t really mind that everything’s in a collective universe, and it seems like the easiest one to comprehend if you aren’t pedantic about all of this.

but what about the episodes where timelines end?

you’re probably here thinking okay, so what? there’s different timelines. this isn’t news. what about the other individual episodes that are within the umbrella timeline? I like to think of them as individual timelines within the show, along with all the other ones mentioned above.

quantum boogaloo

timelines have been a thing pretty much since season 2 of phineas and ferb, notably in the episode quantum boogaloo where they go forward in time and see a potential future where stacy is the president of uruguay. this is an example of something ‘canonically’ happening after last day of summer, 20 years in the future. this episode has a couple of potential timelines - the one where everything is fine, and the one where doof is emperor and everyone is named joe. the first timeline has candace ending up with jeremy and having three kids, along with ferb at camp david and phineas at an awards ceremony in switzerland. however, this particular timeline doesnt match up equally with act your age, since their ages dont line up. in quantum boogaloo, pnf are aged 30 twenty years later, in aya, pnf are aged 18 ten years later. this means they could either be 8 or 10 in the original summer, depending on the timeline. the second one is pretty much null to me since they time travel back and both of the future timelines cancel out.

doof 101

so. this is an episode i havent seen for a while. however, this is one of the perfect examples since the theme for doof 101 says "and this all takes place in fall so don't let the timeline throw you" like hiiii thank you for acknowledging that this is a separate timeline! there's a short bit in the title that shows doof facing either prison time or teaching at the high school in court, and its something we don't see the events leading up to. sure, he's done crimes against humanity but there weren't ever any consequences during the show. who turned him in? why is he on trial? what happened between him being evil and becoming a high school science teacher? and why does this monobrow edward rooney ass guy have beef with him and charlene out of nowhere? timelines, dude. got me stressed out and its not even my show.

act your age

[through gritted teeth] this episode also shows another potential canonical ending for the cast. phineas ends up with isabella 10 years after last day of summer, showing that this particular timeline has the kids aged around 8 or 9 in the original summer. we all know my thoughts on this particular ending, notably posted here. this timeline is easy to ignore if you dislike it, like the majority of us.

what does line up with the original summer, however, is doof's b-plot in act your age. I'm not a huge hater of his arc in this episode, and honestly, it might be his most in-character timeline ending out of all of them. yes, you heard me, theres something i dont dislike about act your age. like i said in the post linked above, i dont find it hard to believe he would bowl with perry and carl and monogram every week. he would totally have a mid-life crisis that wasn't real, like this guy canonically can't even hate christmas. this is so in character for him! in terms of it being a different timeline though, the only proof i have is that it's one of many different timeline ending episodes.

last day of summer

this episode is kinda like a flagship for the timelines, and as mentioned above, my favourite ending. i don’t think I need to reiterate it, but it really just provides an open ending for the entire cast, and makes room for anything else to happen. I’m curious to see how it pans out in the reboot; if they keep the continuity and acknowledge that ldos happened, or if they just kinda skip over it if it’s true that the new seasons will happen in the summer after the original one. but don’t worry - if the reboot adds any kind of canon divergence (I’m literally counting on it) You Will Certainly Hear From Me About It. lol

the owca files

I'll admit i haven't watched owca files for a number of years but i still remember bits of it. its a very strange timeline to me. i understand that doof is legally an ocelot and can be an agent but it does feel like the beginning of that out-of-characterness he displays in mml. and i guess the owca files is canon there, right? the bit with monogram during the pnf effect?

this also includes the pine tree. it feels like a way of letting us know owca files is in a different timeline. the flynn-fletcher house gets blown up, they get new plates, and we have symbolism of the end of an era with a pine tree in their backyard.

milo murphy's law

this one in particular is mostly just the pnf/mml overlap but ensures that doof ends up as professor time. if you've seen mml i don't think i need to explain it - after last day of summer (and owca files if ur nasty) the events of mml occur chronologically as if its one continuous timeline.

wait! what about the other canon divergent episodes?

ones that aren’t necessarily an ending but are set smack bang in the middle of the show with no explanation? don’t worry. I got you.

phineas and ferb christmas vacation

this episode features doof being evil in the middle of winter. dan povenmire has said he relapsed, but this is a perfect example of different timelines. a lot of the “ending” episodes were written and aired well before last day of summer so the chance of them knowing how the show was going to end was likely very little, if not zero. so, let’s imagine that last day of summer doesn’t happen. none of that arc happens, it’s just doof being passively evil throughout the year and then this christmas event happens. i don’t think he ever stopped being evil in this timeline. the chance of him just getting less… violent with his schemes is probably the best way of thinking about it. hell, he got perry a present. yes, it was a vase, but would the s1 heinz have done that? probably not. he’s definitely less evil as the show progresses, and even an episode like this one that aired in season 2 shows how quickly they turned it around.

on the other hand - the boys make their santa clubhouse invention and candace stresses what to get jeremy as a gift. does she try and bust them? surprisingly, no. her main focus is jeremy, and when it all goes south she’s in on what the boys are doing when santas elves show up. she mentions “what’s different this year than last year?”, insinuating that the boys weren’t inventing anything before the summer that the show is set in, and that this episode is definitely set after that summer. the B plot is definitely more solid proof of the alternate timeline, with heinz “relapsing” although I struggle to believe that with all the canon divergency that happens within the show and in mml/hng the chances of it just being a relapse are very remote.

that’s the spirit!

this one is similar in that it diverges from our last day of summer ending. doof is still evil, and candace - wait, she doesn’t even try and bust them. she’s keen to trick or treat with the gang and then go to jeremy’s party. she doesn’t even try and bust them. (man, it’s almost like it’s another timeline or something.)

back to doof though - he might have relapsed like in the christmas vacation episode, but he’s not necessarily evil here either. sure, he declared war on grass for an unknown reason and turned himself into a were-cow, but it’s not established that he wants to take over the tri state area like usual. if anything, it’s the opposite. he runs from the masses like it’s a witch hunt.

the curse of candace

this episode is all fine until the end where candace turns to dust and phineas says "we're gonna need a dustpan and some glue." there isnt much else to say about this one, but it indicates another timeline where candace is glued back together afterwards. and she’s also a vampire.

happy new year!

this is set after the summer the show is set in, considering that jeremy and coltrane are at the party as candace and stacy's respective dates. doof is still evil as his plot is to become ruler of the tri-state area. candace makes one last attempt at busting her brothers. this is definitely another timeline, and also apparently one where gangnam style exists. pretty easy to understand - doof doesnt have his giving-up-evil arc and continues to be passively evil like always. this could also work chronologically with christmas vacation, where he tries his naughty-inator and then a week later comes up with the resolution-changer-inator. candace's arc is a little different, she could have stayed consistent and tried to bust the boys from summer onwards, only getting to new years and wanting to change her ways with a new years resolution.

for your ice only

evil doof is back again in the fourteen days of winter vacation that fall between christmas and new years'. for him, this could be an evil scheme that takes place at some point in between christmas vacation and new years, or it could be its own timeline altogether. candace also attempts to bust the boys again, as per usual.

what's interesting about this one though, is the fact they refer back to football x7 when talking about hockey z9. and you're probably thinking 'obviously? whats ur point' and yes. obviously they bring up the original episode when referencing the sport with the same name format. but this also implies its in the same timeline as the football x7 game, meaning there's at least two timelines that divert off my fair goalie - one that doesn't include hockey z9 and one that does (this episode). and this one (i'm circling back) includes evil doof. bam!

escape from phineas tower

what! this is a normal episode, right? if that was your reaction upon reading that subtitle, you'd be thinking the same as me, until you remember the ending where the tower extends its forcefield around the entire milky way galaxy. but here's where things get really interesting. what film, may i ask, has a plot where the ensemble cast has to fly to another planet to rescue two other ensemble cast members? thats right, candace against universe! this means that catu is set in a timeline that doesn't include the escape from phineas tower episode, since they're able to exit the milky way galaxy and enter the vroblok cluster. this would be impossible if it were in the same timeline as this episode, since they would have stopped at the dome and wouldn't have been able to get to feebla-oot.

she’s the mayor

honourable mention to this episode since it features time travel and timeline fuckery and I never see anybody talk about it!

"Back at the golf course, Roger is astounded at how fast the game is going as Dr. Doofenshmirtz points out that the slight chance that the Accelerate-inator could destroy the very fabric of space-time and possibly the entire universe is a small price to pay to get done with the game. Perry then breaks the Accelerate-inator using a golf club, causing time to flow backwards at the exact moment when Linda and Candace are about to bust Phineas and Ferb, also undoing all of the day's events back to the announcement in City Hall and causing an alien from another universe to appear.

At City Hall, Mayor Doofenshmirtz prepares to announce the winner of the Mayor-For-A-Day Essay Contest. The alien destroys the Accelerate-inator, causing the time-line to be altered once again as the new honorary mayor is announced: the old coot and telling everyone that any gold that they find is now his, causing Candace to lament, "I was robbed."" (from the pnf wiki)

what would’ve happened if doof's machine wasn’t destroyed and set the timeline back into place? the fabric of time and space would have been destroyed, and there is a very high chance there would have been a last-day-of-summer-esque situation where everything within the void would cease to exist. right from the start of the episode, it begins with a clock chiming, so from the beginning we are made aware that time will somehow have significance, which it does. after the timeline resets, we hear the clock chime again, which lets the viewer know we're now in a different timeline. there don't seem to be any repercussions of this timeline fuckery later in the show since it doesn't get mentioned again.

night of the living pharmacists

second honourable mention goes to this ending that @momphineasandferbmadeablog reminded me of (tysm bestie) where it "ends" with stacy turning off her tv as if the entire episode was a horror film the whole time. however, even before verifying, i had a feeling it was debunked and its just the ending of the grievance film. and i was right.

"Dan Povenmire made it clear that the entire episode was canon instead of a film Stacy was watching, and that the "The End" card on Stacy's TV was merely the "The End" title card of the Grievance movie she was watching." (from the pnf wiki)

there isnt a citation for it and none of his tweets showed up while i was looking for actual proof but i definitely remember him saying it somewhere, but please, absolutely feel free to think of it as a separate timeline! without dan saying it's a canon episode, there isn't actually any proof within the episode that it isn't its own timeline.

across the second dimension/tales from the resistance: back to the second dimension

and for our third and final honourable mention, this one is basically the existence of the second dimension. I haven't added it as its own since the concept is pretty obvious - its another dimension where a different timeline occurs. i mean, idk if i need to fully explain it, if youve seen the film and the s4 episode you know what happens. it's explicitly stated to be another dimension, however the specific mention of timelines is nonexistent. semantics, yes, but i do really feel like atsd is separate from all of it.

it's certainly a timeline that could happen - doof could lose his choo-choo and eventually take over the tri-state area and the events of the film would occur, but the fact that the main characters cross over and meet each other puts it into a different category for me. but by all means, feel free to think of it as yet another timeline!

I want to specifically mention: this list of episodes is not at all an exhaustive number of timelines. the way I see it, this is just the ones that are “labelled” (for lack of a better word) as their own timelines. there can be as many or as few timelines within the dwampyverse as you like. this analysis is not a rulebook, but rather answering the conundrum with one solution out of an infinite number of possibilities.

the dwampyverse and its "current year syndrome"

i think we can all agree that phineas and ferb is a relatively timeless show, in that you could watch it at any point in the past fifteen years and it wouldn't feel particularly out of place. that being said, the technology used in the show makes it feel aged or weirdly out of time. most notably, the switch between candace having a flip phone in the first three seasons and a touch-screen phone in everything post-season four. this is clearly influenced by the smartphone boom that occurred in the 2010s when iphones became mainstream, and thus impacted everyday life, including in tv and film.

so, when the animators jumped on this trend, phineas and ferb became a lot less timeless. candace owning something like a flip phone, something that didn't even exist for a long period of time in real life, felt less like something that was trying to keep up with the times than when she suddenly appeared on screen with a smartphone. not to mention the alexa joke in candace against the universe. now that was a jumpscare.

if you did want to carbon date the summer that the show is set in, like this post did for example, and if you're like me, you might headcanon phineas and ferb's summer taking place somewhere between 2009 and 2012. the other times where they've crossed over is set whenever it makes sense. the pnf effect? i think its pretty much canon that it takes place in 2017, what with all the pop culture references like pokemon go, dabbing, and uptown funk. definitely things you can date back to that mid 2010s era.

milo murphy's law also makes sure it stays current too, like specifically mentioning the year 2016 when the lumberzacks formed, milo's bag of toothbrushes labeled 2012-2014, and king pistachion doing a selfie with everyone which is like the most 2016 thing ever. (you guys remember the oscars selfie?) there's certainly some purpose behind dating some of the events within the show, since its entire B-plot is about time travel, but it doesn't feel like its really trying to be a current show. at least, not until they have references and allusions to pop culture things like ducky mo-go.

hamster and gretel has what is unfortunately the worst display of the three - there's a lot of social media references in the show. not necessarily memes, but just a lot of display of the characters using social media. the first one that comes to mind is the destructress, where her typical Thing is her doing a livestream or some kind of story update announcement with her phone, clearly showing that this is a 2020s cartoon, and it feels the need to be very current. hell, eight year old gretel has an iphone in this show, but i won't go down the track of why that fact alone is so weird to me since it'll derail this entire analysis.

granted there are a LOT of inconsistencies throughout these three shows but the current year syndrome, although sometimes unavoidable, proves the fact there are multiple timelines - and they can be traced back to candace's flip phone.

so, what do we do with this?

I personally love cherry-picking the parts of canon that exist, purely from a selfish point of view but also because this universe allows for it. there are a lot of different endings or alternate paths these characters can go down, and as exemplified by act your age, we can either ignore them or embrace them. sure, it’s unlikely but there are some people who like the aya ending and say it’s their own canon, and others who like the ending where doof becomes professor time. or there's others, like me, who absolutely adore last day of summer as their timeline end. the openness of it in such a positive light makes it feel like it’s not even the ending for these characters.

it also begs the question - does everything go back to the status quo at the end of every phineas and ferb episode? well... it can't, really. most character arcs within the show are tied to events that happen, like monty and vanessa getting together, or buford joining the backyard gang, or even doof's slow arc to being a good, if not morally grey character.

no, it’s not a big deal that there’s a lot of different timelines in the sense you have to constantly think about it as you watch it. but it does present us with the classic conundrum: which one is actually canon? and to this, i say, pick your own ending. if you like cherry picking as much as I do, indulge yourself. skip episodes you don't like. ignore parts of canon that don't actually have that much impact on the timeline. hey, its not like the show doesn't allow for it!

#phineas and ferb #milo murphy's law #hamster and gretel #dwampyverse analysis #you thought i was in my insane era before? think again

[imweirdblog]

I have no idea what I am doing or how got where I am

Since the last time i posted it has been a few years i think.

I have gotten over all the lost friendships and the social life i had back then. I have lost pretty much all the friends i had except a few of them but i rarely get to speak with any.

People i meet now just seem selfish and the relationships feel extremely transactional in nature.

Am i projecting? am i the only one who feels this way?

I did finish my bachelors and somehow have found myself in the middle of my masters degree in business. Where does my life go from here?

I think partly the reason for the transactional nature of the people i find here is due to the fact that the scoring in this institute is relative meaning it doesnt matter if u scored a 1 out of 10. if everyone else scores a 0 u get an A+ anyway. Although it was the same before but i never felt like this. I am alone once again and faced with not scoring well. i got a 6.3 in my first term, people say its not the end of the world and i will find work if i have the skills for it but my parents always tell me to focus on gpa. I think reality in somewhere in the middle.

Speaking of my parents i somehow feel indebted to them. I dont think it was ever in my or my father's plan for him to be helping me for so long financially. I know how he feels i think as my father it is his duty to help me but he is disappointed in where i have ended up.

Also i really miss the devil lettuce, i have been off it for maybe half a year now but it is clear to me i'm not addicted i just crave it for some reason.

There are a few things i still enjoy which is video games and food. Seems very based tbh.

I do have hope i will reunite with my one friend KK one day. He has not replied to any of my messages in months. He disappeared, i know i had been withdrawn but i can't remember if i pushed him away but why hasnt he replied? I messaged one of his other numbers and it was his sister's who replied and gave me his current number which he uses, confirming the fact that he is alive and well and getting my messages.

I have a finance exam tomorrow so i'll get back to studying for now. not sure how often i will post its interesting to see these messages build up over the years. maybe when i die i will give these in my will to my progeny. if i ever make it that far haha

which also brings me to the fact that love can't be real i think i'm coming to this conclusion with how i see the world right now in its transactional state but tell me i'm wrong. people want things. its always an exchange. maybe the only real love to exist for me will be for my parents and my children, and of course i won't forget my sister.

hi future me reading this i hope it turns out well for you and tumblr isnt dead by then and tumblr if you do shut down please let us have an archive of all the posts we've made i can't let all this writing go to dust.

[holycrimin]

It hurts to love.

Karl heisenberg x male!reader

Tags: Hanahaki and angst

SFW

(Note: In this au, none of the main events happen with ethan, as he is not in this story. Also SPOILER WARNING.)

(Warning: probably shitty plot, but i'm trying my best ok)

[Your pov]

It all started a year or two ago, when mother miranda had found me lurking around the village. As i was not a local, she deemed me suspicous. However, before she had the chance to kill me, She had a spark in her eye. As if she had an idea. And before i knew it she was using me as some sort of vessel for her daughter, Eva. Although i am a male, she had seen something special in me apparently. I had also found out that her daughter had passed away and she was determined to bring her back.

It failed.

The experiment... failed.

I was no longer deemed useful.

She had proposed me two options. become a servant or assistant to one of the lords, or die. A slow, and painful death.

Of course I chose to be an assistant.

She was kind enough to let me choose who to work for, thankfully.

Lady dimitrescu was very much intimidating. And from what I've heard, if you mess up even just a little while working for her, you will be sent to the dungeons. Never to be seen again. And she isnt really fond of men, so I wont be choosing her.

Next up was Donna Beneviento. She was nice, although her doll 'Angie' is a little... how do I say this... creepy. It doesnt help that i have a huge fear of mannequins and dolls, so I dont think i'll be choosing her anytime soon.

And then theres Salvatore Moreau, dont get me wrong he's a great guy but.. he might accidentally drown me. I might be overreacting, but the guy smells. Although, I feel bad that he's treated so poorly by the other Lords, but i think it's for the best if i stay away from him.

And.. i guess my only option left is Lord Heisenberg. I just hope that he wont be that much of a hassle, even if he IS kind of an asshole...

A day before i start working at the factory, Mother Miranda forced us to spend the day together. To 'get to know eachother' I assume.

Lord Heisenberg looked pissed off, he wasn't really fond of me. He was more pissed off at Mother miranda though. Most likely because he was forced to spend time with me. I quickly learned what he called the 'basics of him'. Basically, common facts. Such as, the fact that he can bend metal and his deep hatred for Mother Miranda. that was basically all that he told me.

The following day was my first day at the factory. As we were walking along the factory, he stopped in his tracks. "Listen pup, there's rules." He practically growled. "First of all, Don't touch my shit. Second of all, don't go around the factory without me knowing. And third of all, Don't try to get to know me, we're keeping a proffessional relationship, got it?" He said.

"Uh.. y-yes Lord Heisenberg." I very nervously stammered, lightly blushing at the nickname he gave me.

"Good, now let's get to work."

Present day

That was around a year or two ago, and while i have gotten closer to the other lords, i never managed to get to get close to Lord Heisenberg. And..

I'm an idiot who fell for him... And... I know he'll never feel the same way. I've tried getting his attention, impressing him, but... nothing's working. Every time i try to get close to him, wether it's emotionally or physically. I get pushed away, literally and figuratively.

It's my fault really. I fell inlove with a man who was emotionally closed off. His charisma, his voice, everything about him just makes me fall more and more inlove with him.

I know i wont have a chance, hell, i dont even know if he's into guys... Guess i really am an idiot, huh?

Later that day, Lord Heisenberg asked me to help him with something. I agreed of course, and during that time I tried to know him more. "Jesus christ, are you trying to get me to open up or something? Cause' that's not gonna happen, so give it up." He spat out, "a-ah... sorry Lord Heisenberg.." I stammered out.

A few minutes of silence pass. Suddenly, he grabbed my hands. "I- ugh.. Just- you're doing it wrong. Here, let me help." He said, while holding my hands 'teaching me how to do it right'.

Of course my face started heating up, the feeling of his slightly roughed up hands on mine... it feels nice. Although this is probably the only time i'll ever get close to him.

"Hey pet, you ok? Geez, you're practically as red as a tomato." He said, while still holding my hands. "Uh.. y-yeah..! Uhm... i.. i'm good.." i stuttered, feeling his breath on top of my head. He was bigger and taller than me after all.

"Well, whatever you say, pup." He shrugged as he continued his work. I got a little flustered on the nickname, i never got used to that..

After, he went and ordered me to get supplies fron the duke.

As i was walking along the pathway to the duke, a few lycans were following me. They didnt seem to be attacking, so i just left them alone. However when i reached the duke, the lycans were gone. How strange.

"Well well well, if it isn't Heisenbergs pet! What brings you here, young man?" He says, with a shit eating grin. "Ah.. well, i'm just here for some supplies is al-" i was then cut off with a series of coughs, "Oh my, are you alright?" said the duke, genuinely concerned. "O-oh i'm fine i ju-" i was then cut off by another series of coughs, but just when i stopped, a small white flower petal came out of my mouth.

"Oh dear, i hope this isn't what i think it is... Are you sure you are alright?" Asked the duke. "I.. i dont know," i pause and look at the small flower petal in my hand. "do you know what's happening..?" I questioned him, very much confused. "It may be something called the 'Hanahaki disease'. It was said to just be an urban legend. Where, if you were suffering from unrequited love, you would begin to cough up flower petals." He explained. "I didnt think it was real.." he muttered to himself.

"..." i was silent as i stared in shock and horror, I'm.. coughing up flowers..? Like actual, real flowers...?

From.. unrequited love.... i should've known, i... i should've known that he would never feel the same way.

How could i be so stupid, to think he would fall for a mere mortal like me. Or atleast.. i think i'm mortal. "Well," the duke spoke up, "luckily there are two ways you can get rid of the sickness." My eyes lit up, "the person you like, either loves you back," he continued "or, you can get surgery. Not only will it remove the flowers, it also removes all of your feelings for this particullar person permanently."

"Th-that's great! I can finally get this 'hanahaki' disease while also getting rid of my feelings for him-!"

"Him?" The duke asked as he cut me off, "do you mean Lord Heisenberg?"

"Uh-" as i think about him, i start coughing again. This time, blood was spilling over. And so were many petals. "Oh dear.. so just the mere thought of him triggers it..?" He said, concerned. "Uh... i'll just... take the supplies. Thank you though, duke."

"No problem, stay safe. But remember, the longer you wait around with the flowers still inside you, the worse your state will become." He informs me,

"I'll try to get the surgery as fast as possible duke." I said, waving him goodbye.

As soon as i walked out, those same lycans followed me all the way back to the factory. Strange isn't it? Anyway, when you finally arrived at the factory, supplies in hand, I hear Lord Heisenberg open up the door.

"Here, let me help you with those." He says as he starts taking some of the bags.

"...Why are you being so nice all of a su-sudden?" I stammer as i try to hold in a cough. "Would you rather not have me nice, pup?" he growled. As i opened my mouth to speak, i was interrupted but a fit of coughs. Blood spilt out as did the petals. Heisenberg didn't seem to notice as he was already far ahead.

I try to cover it up as much as i can as i try to catch up with him. "Jeez.. Finally, you caught up-" he cut himself off. "Why is there blood on your face?" He said, slightly concerned. I froze. "Uh.." that was all i could say. "Whatever.." he said as he wiped the blood away from my face. A faint blush spread accross my cheeks.

I excused myself to the bathroom as i felt another fit of coughs. More blood splattered out as well as more petals. God it hurts. I heard a knock on the door. "Hey pet, you've been there a while, you sure you're alright?" He said

"Uh- yeah, i-i'm fine..!" I said, trying to hold in my coughs. "Well just make it quick, we have work to do." "Yes sir..!" I reply back quickly, not wanting to upset him. I quickly cleaned myself up and walked out of the bathroom. "Took you long enough." He sighed, annoyed. He went ahead and grabbed his hammer, dragging it along the metal floors. It was loud enough for him to not hear you cough up more petals.

~later that week~

My condition kept getting worse and worse, to the point i was barely able to breath. I've consulted the duke, however nothing seemed to work. No matter how much medicine, herbs or other medicinal items i jammed into my body, it just won't go away.

I was asked to come over Lady Dimitrescus castle, i'm not exactly sure why. Maybe she heard of this 'hanahaki' disease?

As i make my way to the castle, lycans started to follow me. Even more than before, why was this happening?

I finally arrive at the castle, the lycans seem to be watching me very carefully. I hear the doors open, and out came a tall lady. "Ah, Y/N! I'm glad you came! Come in." She said, holding the door open for me.

I walked in and was immediately tackled with a hug. "Uncle Y/N! You came!" Exclamed Daniela, one of Lady Dimitrescus daughters. "Oh, uh... hello Daniela." I say, hugging back. I never imagined them to warm up to me. "Now now Daniela, me and your Uncle Y/N have something to discuss."

"Aww man... well, i'll see you around Uncle Y/N!" She waved goodbye to me. "I'll see you around, Daniela." I say as i wave back. As soon as her footsteps were no longer in range, i spoke up. "So.. what did you want to talk about..?" I carefully asked the tall woman, not wanting to be sliced to bits. "Well, as i said before, the duke has informed me of something related to your wellbeing."

"So... you've heard about this.. 'hanahaki' disease, i assume...?" I say as i tense up even more. "The duke told me about it, and when i asked why he was informing me about this, he simply stated it had something to do with you. So tell me, do you have it?" She asked me with a concerned expression.

"W-well.. I-.." i say, sighing. "Yes, as far as i know." I reply, not wanting to lie to her. "As much as i dislike that wretched man, Heisenberg, i must ask, is he the object of your affection?" I froze. "Well... uh-" i cut myself off as i break into a fit of coughs growing more and more violent than the last. "Oh dear- MAIDS!" She called out, panicking, as blood and petals fall out of my mouth. She patted my back as i continue to cough. "So... it is Heisenberg.. I am terribly sorry Y/N i did not know this would happen.." she said, apologetically.

"I-it's alright-" i break into another fit of coughs. But instead of petals, this time, there were fully grown flowers. "i.. i can't b-breath.." i say almost blacking out. The last thing i see and hear are the maids, Lady Dimitrescu shouting to get the duke, and the door opening to reveal... Lord Heisenberg..? "Goddammit, out of my way-!" Was the last thing i heard before blacking out.

•

•

°

.

.....

I woke up to the duke. I sat upright, "what... happ-" i was then cut off by the duke. "You're awake! Honestly, i.. didnt know if you would wake up.." he said sadly. "Thankfully, i was able to patch you up just fine. And after days and hours of research, i finally found an alternative to your hanahaki!" The duke said, switching from a sad, to a cheerful mood.

My eyes light up, "W-wait, really!?" I said as a smile creeps up on my face. The duke gives me a small bottle, "Here, take this. Free of charge!" He said as he smiles brightly. "Now, you should drink it as soon as possible. Lord Heisenberg is waiting for you outside."

"I will, thank you duke!" I said as i waved him goodbye. As I walked to the gates, I take the small bottle and drink it. Within seconds, the flowers were gone. I could finally breath again!

Walking out with a small smile, I saw Lord Heisenberg. "Oh, hey-!.. uh.. i mean, hey. You're awake, lets... get back to the factory..." he stammered out.

..

Was it just me, or were there tears on his face..?

The walk to the factory was silent, but as we walk up to the factory gates, he stops dead in his tracks. "Before we go in, I just uh.. wanted to let you know that the duke let me know about how you really felt about me." He said. "And.. after a long time of thinking about it.." he cuts himself off as his cheeks turn red,

"...I like you too." He confesses.

But,

I don't feel any different.

I don't have butterflies in my stomach.

I don't even feel my face heating up.

It was like...

I was never inlove with him in the first place.

"I... I'm sorry, Lord Heisenberg... but.. I dont feel the same way anymore. I think... it was that small bottle the duke gave me, but.. I am sorry, i don't feel the same way." "W-wait.. you're.. you're joking, right...?" I watch as his expression goes from flustered to heartbreak. "..." i grow silent.

"Let's... let's get inside... we'll catch a cold if we don't." I say, opening the doors to the factory, not wanting the situation to get more awkward. "...Y... yeah... just, gimme a minute.." he says as his voice was slightly shaking. "Alright.. just... please be quick, you'll get a cold." I said, walking in and closing the door on him.

[Heisenbergs pov]

"I... I'm sorry, Lord Heisenberg... but.. I dont feel the same way anymore. I think... it was that small bottle the duke gave me, but.. I am sorry, i don't feel the same way."

"W-wait.. you're.. you're joking, right...?" I say with my voice slightly shaking. Dammit.. god... fucking...

DAMMIT...!

Just when i thought i finally found the love of my life, he's stripped away from me.

"..." he was silent.

I could feel the heartbreak slowly filling me up.

"Let's... let's get inside... we'll catch a cold if we don't."

"...Y... yeah... just, gimme a minute.." i stammer while i try not to break down infront of him.

"Alright.. just... please be quick, you'll get a cold." He says, as he walks in and shuts the door. Heh.. it's cute how he still worries about me when..

Nevermind.

I need some time to thi-

My thoughts were interrupted when i started to violently cough. What i didn't expect though...

Was a flower petal.

"..."

"Heh..."

"So this is what he felt." I said, as i look at the bloody flower petal in my hand.

#karl heisenberg x you #heisenberg x male reader #heisenberg x reader #angst #hanahaki #hanahaki disease #assistant

[dellinah]

LONG ASS RANT ABOUT THYLACINES

I'm still not coping well so i made some shitty memes about my constant hyperfixation

Well I have been fascinated with these animals since I was a literal 8 year old bc of a book my mom gave me about animals (they're all drawn as opposed to pictures too it's pretty cool i used to trace over them all the time)

They're cool marsupials that went extint in 1936

I am a dumbass with one braincell so for some reason it didn't sink in that when the text said 'disappeared 70 years ago' it meant DISAPEARED FOR REAL. I also was too dumb to realize it was under the 'extinct' chapter

Anyway. These animals are fascinating to me and I have been obsessed with everything related to them ever since. I love how close they look to dogs and wolves despite not being related bc evolution works that well, i love their cute little faces, I love how they managed to survive way longer than they were meant to (more on that bellow), how they move, their lower ankles that look like someone fucked up a dog drawing, everything about it

And I absolutely HATE what they have become a symbol of

I would like to think human activity alone isnt enough to actually drive animals to extinction. That, while it helps, it merely speeds up the pace of an inevitable fate. But that's not true. There have been countless animals that died out bc of humans, and that would have been just fine without us around - be it by hunting, destroying habitats, introducing new species or bringing disease

Thylacines were hunted with no mercy bc they were thought to kill farm animals. People offered money for each one that was shot. Animals that humans introduced to their habitat infected them with disease and made food less avaiable. And just a few decades later, they were gone, forever

And if that wasn't bad enough, the last one we have record of died bc of NEGLET. In a zoo, he was left out in the cold night and didn't make it. They probably threw the body away with no care, thinking they could just get another one to use as exibition, and then realized too late it was the last

ON TOP OF THAT, rules to protect them were set in place about 50 days before the last one died. 50 DAYS!! Talk about too little too late. Maybe if they had done it earlier, things would have been different, but no. They didn't care until they realized hey we havent seen one in forever, fuck

ON TOP OF ON TOP OF THAT, the picture that was used to get farmers to kill them of a thylacine with a chicken in its mouth was most likely faked using a mounted one. It was fucking propaganda?? To??? Kill animals?? Man, what the FUCK. Maybe kill the ones around your property (still wrong but fine) but why lie to people to make them go out of their way to kill animals in the wild??

Everything about thylacines' extintion just highlights the worst parts of the human nature. How careless we are to everything but ourselves. How if it doesn't make us money, we don't care. How we care too little too late. How we can destroy something so easily. And how we don't care about lying about something to get what we want, no matter how bad the consequences might be to someone else

I honestly think the fascination people have with finding these animals in recent years is due to guilt, at least some of it. Yes it's a cool animal, but most important of all it makes us feel bad. So finding a new one maybe would make it ok. We can still save it. We're not that bad.

But that ever happening is unlikely

Thylacines lived short lives (up to 6 years in the wild, 9 in zoos) so to have them survive would require large populations constantly breeding. So to think we wouldnt have found a bone, a dead body, or run over one in over 70 years (also everyone has a phone now, why cant there ever be GOOD pictures taken of these sightings?) just seems like the kind of thing that can't happen

Not only that, but before human intervention they already suffered from low genetic diversity due to its population getting smaller over centuries due to disease and few individuals. It's sad to think that they were always doomed to fail, but it's likely the path they were going towards

So it just makes it way less likely that they would have survived in the wild. They were already failing to reproduce and survive with the individuals they had - imagine after we kill 99% of them. Even if some did make it past the year we recorded, it probs died out shortly after

BUT they could still be alive today, or at least gotten a few more decades. Some people think they did. And maybe we could have helped them if they made it to today with the technology we have

But we'll never know

There's a bunch of footage (with some newly discovered one) of the last one, and while that is cool, it just makes me sad :( to see it pacing around its small cage, with nothing to do, no other one to keep it company (they were often depicted in pairs, idk if they were social animals but it seems like it), not knowing it would never again have another one like it. There's also footage of someone rattling its cage?? Probs to get it worked up to make it walk around or react or something. DONT DO THAT

It's just a sad footage overall, and becomes painful to watch once you know everything else. A sad pacing stressed animal, that would die alone in the cold and go down in history as the last one ever. All while being oblivious to everything we have done to its kind, bc it was just a scared animal

Some people think they survived into the 90's, a lot of people claim to have seen one since 1936 (with no proof) and february 2021 one expert said they had proof they saw one and that it was a baby. It has been debunked by another expert, i have yet to see the pics, but until we have DEFINITE proof, i'll keep on believing they're gone

But it's nice to hope every once in a while. Every sighting makes me a bit happy. This is a big world, with so much of it unexplored, and animals though extinct have showed up again or even been cloned recently. So who knows!

It has been pretty shitty to live through a major historical event that is bad. For a moment I hoped I'd witness one that was actually a positive one

And honestly, if they are still out there, maybe a small population that learned to hide very well, I hope they keep hidden. I'd love to see them, but maybe they're better on their own

We've seen what happens when they're not

#Thylacine #Tasmanian wolf #Tasmanian tiger #Animal #Extinction #Hunting #Personal #Vent #Long post #I miss animals I've never even seen #sorry for going off but the recent news pissed me off #again #who knows #but hope is scarce rn #just let me live through ONE nice thing

[xsugarysweetsx]

Connor stared at the flames. Feeling a part of himself leaving his body. He felt numb. He felt nothing but a dull ache as he saw people mourning their loved ones.

Gods dammit. So many kids lost their lives that day.

He looked at the son of Poseidon, who had given up on trying to stay strong and broke down in tears. The daughter of Athena holding him while shedding her own tears.

He turned his head to the young blonde son of Apollo. Who was hanging onto his siblings, all of them crying and muttering things like "why her" and "no no no this isnt real"

His gaze raised to the son of Hades, who was responsible to send all of the dead demigods to the afterlife. He was staring at the flames, but it didnt take a genius to know what he was staring at. After all, she was like a mother to him.

Finally, Conner's sights landed on his older brother, who was holding his significant other in his arms. Katie was a broken mess in Travis' arms.

Connor thought he would feel a surge of anger and resentment at his brother. Knowing that he would be able to go to sleep tonight knowing he would see the love of his life tomorrow. But instead, he felt relieved that his brother could be happy. That he didnt have to go through what he did.

Connor suddenly started having a shortness of breath. The crowd suffocating him. He ran in a frenzy to anyplace other than there, anyplace where he didn't have to see her face, anyplace he didnt have to remember her smile—

He stopped in front of the big house, trembling. The numbness started to fade, and pain. Oh gods the pain, just hit him like a typhoon.

Never again would she smile at him, her slightly crooked teeth and dimples showing. Never again would he be able to stare at her beautiful dark skin and her changing eyes. Never again would he be able to laugh when she cursed at her hair for being so damn stubborn. Never—

No.

He has to stop. He can't think about any of that anymore. If he does. He'll break completely.

So, Connor walked instead to the Hermes cabin, and layed in her bed, pretending she was still there.

<><><><><><><><><><><>

3 days.

It had been 3 days since she had left him.

Or more specifically, 71 hours and 44 minutes.

Connor fiddled with his ring. The same ring that she had exchanged with him. They always knew the possibility of one of them passing before they could get married, so they exchanged promise rings. The ring always made Connor feel proud. That the woman he loved so much loved him as well.

But now. Now. He just feels pain. Pain that you left him in this cruel world. That he was expected to live on and to be strong. He doesnt want to be strong. He wants to be in her arms godsdammit.

He reached into his pocked and pulled out a piece of paper that had been haunting him since he found it.

"Read it after the battle, will you? That means you have to survive to read it you hear?"

He cursed himself for not catching that you never said you would survive to see his reaction.

Taking a shaky breath, he opened the folded paper. He smiled gently at her messy all caps handwriting.

Connor,

If youre reading this—

Actually, fuck that, what is this? An angsty fanfic? Anyways, I already got off track I swear to Hades—

A h e m. So, I guess I'll start with why I'm writing you this.

So its because of my dream. I lied to you. And I'm sorry. But I knew who killed me, I knew where it was, I figured out when it was. All a few years ago actually. It was Luke, in Olympus, during the Battle of Manhattan. And Im so sorry. But I had to die, basically to guilt the fucker into fighting Kronos. But enough about that. Gods theres so many things I wanted to tell you. But I'll keep it short. I love you Connor Stoll. You are my best friend. I cant imagine a world without you. And I know you feel the same. But, you'll have to learn to live without me. And Im so sorry, I wish I could give you everything you ever wanted. But, I cant. And— gods Im crying now— I hate myself for that. I will watch over you though Connor. You wont be alone. Oh, and find happiness. You deserve it. But I want to ask one selfish request. Look after the kids. Especially Will and Nico. Percy and Annie will have eachother for emotional support, but Will and Nico dont. Gods, I hope they all make it out alive. I know its a fools wish but one can wish. And one last thing. (I feel like ive said that alot) Don't stop being you, okay?

Love and best wishes,

Phoebe

Connor smiled, knowing that her "kids" all made it out alive and safe. But also, because he feels like he has some closure. That her death wasn't in vain.

He stared at her name. Burning into his mind so he would never forget. As if he could forget, the woman he loved so dearly.

His voice cracked as he spoke for the first time since the battle.

"I love you too, Phoebe Jacobs"

<><><><><><><><><>

So um, this is Connor's perspective of Phoebes death... I hope you like it, and if you wouldn't mind maybe some constructive criticism? I wanna learn and improve mh writing if its not too much to ask

~Blurb~

Blurb......THIS WAS AWASOME!!!!

How did you know I like Greek mytholog-

Anyway, GIRL THIS WAS SO GOOD!!!❤️❤️

#blurb anon #anime #anime x reader #fanfiction #bsd fandom #bsd fanfic #bts #kpop #haikyuu x reader #kpop fluff #btsxreader

[hearteyes-for-killmonger]

3. RECKONING

"Where is N'Jobu," Abebe asks the other panthers at the great tree as I approach from behind, the pads of my paws treading on soft dirt and grass.

"I am right here. I went to run, was running, and I dropped my journal."

"You dropped it? Where did you drop it? Go get it," D'Kaba points with his glistening nose.

"I believe it fell into the human world."

"N'Jobu," Abebe chides with a click of his tongue, "You will be reprimanded by Bast if you do not locate that journal, go get it. Now! Before she finds out. We will pray in your favor."

Just like that it is time to travel to the human world for a bit of overdue excitement.

"Of course--And I will find it and bring it back here where it belongs."

--------------------------------------------------

🎶 Ones that hate us, handcuff us and mace us/Call us dumb niggas 'cause our culture is contagious/Third generation, South Central gang bangers/That lived long enough to see it changing/Think it's time we make arrangements/Finally wiggle out they mazes, find me out in different places/'I’m the spook by the door,' this the infiltration, double back, dressed in blue laces 🎶

Erik found the large crowd of people easily in Fruitvale, parking his car and walking to join them. Speaking with a few of the people in the crowd he gathered that they planned to be out there all night. He also gleaned that several of the officers had been acting threateningly. He decided to watch for himself waiting for a reason to be malicious and finally he got one as he saw an officer manhandle a little girl who he decided was too close. He looked at the name on the officer's badge and watched two women grab the child to carry her away to safety before he headed back to his car. He needed to know the officer's first name and now that he had the last name and a face to attach to it, that information would be simple to find. He searched the internet hoping it could be a simple discovery. Amazingly, he could not easily find this guy's information. It didn't seem that he had any social media or articles with his name. No worries, Erik had another idea.

Back at the house, he fished the journal from his vest and opened it on his office desk, rebooting his computer to hack into Mika's computer yet again. It didn't take long to find exactly what he was searching for.

Ray Thomas

He wrote it clearly. Searching up the stream on his phone of the protest, he waited. For the next minute he watched and finally the camera angle shifted, backing up before focusing on the officer who was clutching his chest, doubling over with a fearful expression. Erik took in each of his dying moments, wide-eyed and in awe. It was real. The journal was somehow real! Amazed, he turned off the protest stream and the computer to sit in the darkness.

"Oh shit. Does this really make me a murderer," he mouthed staring at the journal incredulously. For a while his mind went blank, panic setting in. This was bad. It was wrong to murder no matter the reason. Or was it? He was pretty sure that it was better to rescue the innocent than to spare the guilty. That's all he'd done truly. That wasn't a bad thing, it was a good thing. In situations where people were helplessly abused by those with power who knew they'd get away with it, the victims probably prayed as hard as they could for divine intervention. Well here he was giving them an answer.

Not only was he willing to help level the playing field, he was obligated as someone who could relate to the pain and was suddenly able to bring reckoning! What a rush. The guilt ebbed, replaced with a slowly-growing glee.

"I have to do this. I'd be letting the world down if I didn't. And if I don't do it--who will?"

Staring at the short column of names on the page in the journal, he felt a sense of pride begin to swell within him. "I can't believe I just took them niggas out. Three in one night," he gushed impressed with himself. In one night, he'd done more for the world than in thirty-two years of living. He knew now what he had to do. This was his purpose. This was why he was born.

"I see you're enjoying my journal," N'Jobu spoke watching Erik's quiet back and forth banter between he, him, and himself. N'Jobu had witnessed it all, Erik's penning of the names all the way to Erik's moment of epiphany.

Hearing the voice, Erik paused as his torso went straight as a board. Spinning in his chair, he came eye to eye with a large set that glowed a white-like yellow. Erik's eyes widened significantly but he did not recoil. In fact, he quickly composed himself.

"You don't seem too afraid of a talking panther in your home office, Erik Stevens. Why is that exactly?"

"If you planned to attack me, you would have. I won't even ask how ya ass can talk, I'm dealing with enough weird shit. This journal," he says grabbing it from the table. "You asking for it back?"

"Oh, I will have it back, Erik." He brussled at the sound of his own name. "See. I know when you die. I know how. I know where. I know your name and I can see exactly how long you have left to live down to the very second. Care to know how long you have left?"

"How long?"

"I won't tell you. But--since you've dirtied my journal with your impure human hands, by rule, my journal is now yours. Write in it--or don't, but you cannot destroy it. The journal is yours until you relinquish ownership or die. I should mention that as long as you retain ownership I will follow you as an elder of the past until one of the two results occur."

"So you're like a death god. Is that it?"

"I am N'Jobu. I am as I said, an elder of the past."

"But--you're not taking it back," Erik confirmed with a sneaky smirk holding the notebook. "Aight 'cause I just came up with a plan for how I'm a use it. That's why you chose me, isnt it? You knew I'd know what to do?"

"Chose you," N'Jobu laughed, "Chose you? Is that what you thought?" He laughed again. "You think because of your money or your intellect that you are perhaps--special? Don't make me laugh anymore than I am. Erik Stevens, you are common. You discovering my journal was mere happenstance. A fluke. I wrote with my claw in the language I believed to be the widest spoken and then I dropped it in an area where I knew many humans would gather. That is all."

"You admit you dropped it on purpose. Seems like a pretty important book for you to just be dropping."

"Boredom is a hell of a motivation," N'Jobu deadpanned. Erik's eyes narrowed and N'Jobu looked away to lick his paw.

"Fine. Maybe you were the closest Wakandan living away from Wakandan soil. Maybe that had something to do with the selection process, however, you are still nothing in the grand scheme of things. You are a blip in the scale of time. You have no real importance."

"Maybe--Still! I found the shit! Me! And I believe there's a reason a nigga like me would be trusted with something this powerful. I must be the only one who can set things into order, the way they should be! I'm the only one who can handle this mission and execute it efficiently. I'm the only one who can fuck some shit up!" Breathing heavily with bared teeth, his resolve burned through him like fire, lighting his eyes from within. Any human in that room would assume him deranged, but he was wielding impossible power. "With this journal, I'll force change. I'll reset the world! Yeah--I'll burn it all! The whole damn world if I have to."

Turning back to his desk, he used his phone to search up a list of local criminals in custody and incarcerated for graphically cruel and violent crimes. They deserved the worst deaths imaginable and he was the dealer. Picking up his pen, he got busy.

Vincent Adams. John Hess. Adam Steeve. George Zimmer. Hop Denton. Louis Stimper. Jake Torres. Skip Kazynski. Robert Folk.

He filled the page with names from top to bottom, three columns while N'Jobu looked on in intrigue, his tail swaying side to side.

"By the way, Mr. King of the World. If you killed off every murderer, wouldn't that leave you as the sole murderer? Would you then kill yourself?"

"The fuck? Nah playa. I'm the King. I plan to be here to maintain order."

"Very interesting train of thought you have. By the way, you should know that use of the journal means you forfeit your entry to the ancestral plane. I hope that does not hinder you," N'Jobu spoke, a devious smile in his voice.

"You tell me that now," Erik snapped facing the sitting panther with intense venom in his eyes. He'd have thought more carefully had he known. That information could've weighed heavily in his decision to use the book, but now it was too late.

N'Jobu's eyes shined with humor in response. "Whoops."

Tag list: @muse-of-mbaku  @goddessofthundathighs  @panthergoddessbast  @thadelightfulone  @misspooh  @marvelmaree  @youreadthatright  @forbeautyandlife  @theunsweetenedtruth  @bidibidibombaclaat  @myboyfriendgiriboy  @dameshaemonique  @blackpantherimagines    @vikkidc  @hidden-treasures21  @mysidefanting  @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat  @syndrlla97  @winteroflife  @thotyana-in-this-hoe    @texasbama  @gingerylimonte  @princessstevens    @magic-madness-heavensin  @wawakanda-btch  @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade  @wakanda-inspired  @blackgirloneshots  @thegucciwaffle  @thiccdaddy-mbaku    @purplehairgawdess  @indigoxsummers  @cccccx1    @dynastylnoire  @iamrheaspeaks  @blowmymbackout   @they-call-me-le  @theblulife  @raysunshine78  @sheisexcellent @fd-writes @soufcakmistress @ju5tp34chy

#original #erik killmonger #killmonger #death note #black panther #tchalla #njobu

[indigopurple]

Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

#ugly cries #ugh #i need to stop #i need to stop talking #pls #just read my rants ok #i guess #MY BACK HHHUUUUURRRRTTSSSSSS #UUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH #SOBS #straggler.txt #headcanon #hc #one piece #one piece ace #one piece spoilers #monkey d. luffy #luffy one piece #im garbage #hha h a #review #episode review #episode 503 #ackackack #i need to pee #i need to stop torturing luffy with my crazy ideas #hhhhhh #love u guys #bye ig

[youngmistressofchopchop]

I did it. Now I dont write, I draw so this is not gonna be so good. Its been through many revisions and I realized I spelt "Yuseke" as "Yueske the entire time so forgive me ill fix that next chapter. My Kuwabara x oc story:

It was finally cold again. Miyoko was overjoyed, she had never liked summer. Sure there was no school and she had more time with friends, but she couldn't stand the heat. She detested those sweaty nights, or how the bugs always bothered her, actually she didnt care for any part of summer.

Miyoko had dropped so many hints over the years and yet somehow, Kuwabara still had no clue. His air-headed-ness was cute, but it made things difficult for the shy girl Miyoko was. She just couldn't work up the nerve to say something, and when she did, something would always interrupt her. However, today she planned to change that! Miyoko got dressed up as cozy as she could, ready for what her and her friends had planned and with a gleam of excitement in her eyes, she headed out the door. 

 That was apart from going to see her crush, Kazuma Kuwabara's baseball games, he would play every summer. When they were younger, he played in an official team wearing his "Mötor Head" jersey and smoking every opposing team he played against. Miyoko never missed a single game! Every home run, every strike, and every fight that broke out because of a bad call, she was there. When they got older, she would be there to watch him play against his friends, still wearing that jersey. She was always supportive of him, she was madly in love with him, and had been for awhile.

"Urameshi!! Where do you think you're going?? I was talking to you!" Kuwabara's feet hit the sidewalk with force as he sprinted after Yueske, who had walked only a few feet, forcing Kuwabara to stop abruptly frantically trying to steady himself without falling. After regaining balance, Kuwabara grabed a fists full of his friend's jacket to pull him close aggressively. 

"D-Dont tell anyone! Or I'll break your mouth, so you cant tell anyone nothin' ever again!!" Kuwabara's face was as red as the setting sun. Unfazed, Yuseke stared at Kuwabara blankly for a short second before sighing and shrugging the big flustered fool off of him. 

"Listen man, I wont say anything. But this is getting really annoying. Ive told you before that you should just go through with it. Whats your problem with admitting to her anyways?" Yuseke looked to the helpless man and immediately regretted asking. Kuwabara looked off dramatically twords the orange and red sky. His shoulders slouched, slumping over, and fiddling with his hands. 

"I....Shes really pretty, ya know? And...Im well...ya know?" His voice trailed off, as if wanting reassurance he was being foolish. When there was no reply, Kuwabara peeked up with a quivering bottom lip. 

Yueske stood with his hands in his pocket saying nothing, only wearing a furrowed brow and tight lips. Suddenly, he burst into laughter. Causing Kuwabara to stand up straight and look at him even more embarrassed, and ready to punch him.

"I never thought I'd hear the great Kuwabara, warrior of love, admit to being ugly!!" Mocked Yueske. He bent over shaking his head and slapping his leg, resting his other elbow on his knee and laughing loudly. He straightened and wiped a fake tear from his eye. Kuwabara gasped in shock. 

"What?? Ugly??" Again Kuwabara grabbed at his friend, this time missing and falling. He quickly got up and held up a threatening fists. 

"Im not ugly!! Im just not a romantic type!!" He rubbed his fists on his chest. 

"I am a warrior of love, so I know how to treat a lady and how to talks to girls, I just....." He paused, his mouth moving like hes trying to remember how talking works. "She's different!!" He finaly blurted out. "She reads them girly romance books that Kurama likes!!" With a frustrated grunt, Kuwabara rubbed his neck nervously and spoke in a much more serious tone.

"Ive known her a real long time, and I cant tell her yet cuz I'm kinda worried she only thinks of me like how Shizuru thinks of me." Yueske picked up on the seriousness of the situation and scoffed trying to lighten things up again. 

"Well you are ugly, but I think she likes you anyway. Besides man, why asks me? You think I read them werid books?" Yueske pat Kuwabara awkwardly on the shoulder. 

"No way. I asked cuz you have a girlfriend!!" Kuwabara turned to look at Yueske who was moving his arm away. 

"So? Doesnt mean I know what im doing, just asks Keiko." The boys laugh, seeming to have calmed down a great deal. Before much more could be said, four familiar and approaching voices could be heard chatting playfully. 

"Oh dear, you didnt actually take me seriously did you, Miyoko?" Botan said in a teasing tone. 

"I did!! I'm gullible, you cant just tell me anything about spirit world.I will believe it!! Everytime!" The two girls laughed. 

"I've noticed," Interjected Kurama. "You have managed to retained alot of attributes from your childhood haven't you? I find that interesting." Kurama continud, wrapping an arm around Botan. 

"Alot of people say that...is that a bad thing? I'm not immature am I?" Miyoko felt nervous now. Maybe that was the why Kuwabara never seemed to return her feelings, perhaps she wasn't mature enough for a relationship.

Keiko quickly spouted, "No no! I don't think he meant it like that, I think it's cute!" Keiko put a reassuring arm around Miyoko and smiled a friendly smile. 

"Ofcourse! Its an admirable trait." Kurama said as Botan giggled. 

Botan wagged her finger and pointed it at Miyoko with a knowing smile "Im on to you! You shouldn't feel so insecure!" Botan pulled her arm back and used it to hug Kurama's arm. "Don't be so hard on yourself, I know you're simply nervous, so you're being extra critical of yourself, but you'll do fine!" Botan hummed encouragingly. "And, we all look fantastic!" Botan added as they all rounded the corner.

Keiko stopped dead in her tracks, and started tapping her foot. "Well, most of us are...Yueske! I thought I told you to dress up!!" Keiko pouted, walking over to her boyfriend's side. 

Yueske was the most casually dressed out of all of them. Just wearing his usual faded blue jeans, black converse shoes, plain yellow shirt and favorite green and yellow windbreaker jacket. He looked even more underdressed standing next to Keiko. She was wearing a lovely pale pink turtleneck, a plum purple suspender skirt reaching to her knees, long white socks, and loafers to match her skirt. Despite their contrasting attire, they somehow matched perfectly. 

Yueske wrapped his arm around Keiko's shoulder and smirked."Kuwabara isnt dressed up." He looked over to Kuwabara and nodded his way while jutting his thumb twords his friend. 

"What!! I am too!! This is the nicest thing I got!! Other than like...a tux or something!!" Kuwabara wore a blue Letterman jacket, a red sweater with dark blue jeans, and brown dress boots laced in black, he was indeed dressed up quite nicely. Miyoko blushed at the sight of his clothing, he cleaned up nicely as always. She couldn't help but smile at him, it was always a slight surprise to see him out of his school uniform. Kuwabara had a simular reaction to Miyoko's choice of clothing. She dawned a wine red A-line dress, knitted black leggins, and shin high beige lace up boots. She wasn't one to dress up like this, but she wanted to tonight, it was a special night after all. 

Trying to redirect the situation and prevent Yueske and Kuwabara from fighting, Botan chimed in. "Well, I never have to worry about Kurama when it comesto presentation! Unless ofcourse, he's overdressed and making me look a fool!" Kurama and Botan giggled to eachother looking the most put together, like they were the parents of the group. Tonight, everyone was going their part to help Miyoko's odds, evident by Botan, who was wearing something much different from her usual choice of clothing.

She modelled a white turtle neck dress, form fitting reaching just above her knees with a small slit on the right side, with sleeves that reached slightly past her palms, she wore her wedding ring, hoop earings, beige velvet tights, and blue slip on flats to top off the look. To match her, Kurama dressed just as nice. Wearing a white button up tucked neatly into his dark brown pants, red suspenders with red suede shoes laced in black, and a matching wool trench coat to top complete it all. Now everyone felt underdressed. 

"So what are we doing anyway?" Yueske asked scratching his cheek. Keiko shook her head "Are you serious? You've been waiting around this long, and you dont even know why??" Yueske simpled shrugged "I guess?" 

Botan sighed looking tired, Yueske was a handful for everyone. "Dont you remember, Yueske? I told you this morning! We're all having dinner!" 

Botan motioned to the brick building everyone was standing next to. "You've been standing right next to the restaurant! Where I told you we would be meeting up, seriously! You didn't connect the dots?" Botan tilted her head with a hopeless look. Yueske gritted his teeth and roughly pulled Keiko by her hip to his, talking through his teeth. "Whatever!!" He sighed and let go of Keiko fixed his hair flustered, he brought his fists down onto his palm talking loudly. "So now that we're all here, can we go?? Im starving and you guys took all damn evening to get here!"

Keiko lightly kicked his shoe pouting up at him. "Hush!! Its not our fault you dont listen, besides you didnt even try to dress nice! So I dont feel sorry for you." Yuseke quickly stepped aside and raised his voice a bit "Hey! Didnt ya hear me?? I didn't know what was going on!!" Keiko roughly poked her boyfriend's chest, "Again, not our problem! Listen and you wouldn't have to worry!!" 

Kurama was the first to put a stop to the bickering. He took a wide step twords the brick building and grabbed the glass doors handle, he opened the door and motioned for everyone fallow him inside.

So theres that. I'll write more soon. I hope its as fun to read as it was fun to write.

[shawnpetermuffins]

I Miss You

A/n: I hope this is good because I put this off for so long wanting to do it justice. And this is based very loosely off I Miss you.

Summary: you two broke up recently, and it's not sitting well with Shawn, even though he's the reason you broke up.

Requested by @it-isnt-in-myy-blood: Hi, I recently listened to the song 'I Miss you' (Clean Bandit, Julia Michaels). Maybe you could write a fic based on the song, angsty but with a fluff ending? Thank you... ❤️

***

Kinda_yourname

2,158 likes

Kinda_yourname Cabo sunsets >>>> anything else

•

It may have only been a week, but I'm missing it here! 😭

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I shut my phone off and toss it to the end of the bed. I should have been with her on that trip, but tour got in the way. I got in the way. It's crazy to think that if you asked me three weeks ago, I would have said that my girlfriend and I could overcome any obstacle thrown at us. But ask me again a week later, and I would tell you I was wrong. That being away from her for months at a time was too much for me and I broke it off because I thought it would be what was best for both of us in the end.

Now ask me if I still believe that.

I don't.

I haven't told anyone about us yet. I mean, everyone probably suspects because there haven't been Amy preshow FaceTime calls for good luck, and I'm not texting like a madman during dinner or when we're on our way to the venues. And I know she hasn't said anything to anyone either. How? Because for one, she hasn't blocked me on any social media - I know, I've checked at least ten times just within the last two hours. And two, she hasn't deleted the three pictures of us that she has on her Instagram. They're still there for everyone to see, me included.

Now my fingers are hovering over the keyboard and I'm staring at her name on my phone which is still My Love 😍, and I'll probably never change it. Because she is my love, and to strip her of that title because I'm an idiot just isn't fair.

Hey... I miss you

I type and backspace and type and backspace at least ten times. Because I want to text her. I want so badly to text her, but what if she doesn't want to hear from me? I wouldn't blame her if she didn't want to. I was the worst. Breaking up with her over the phone, no less because I was hurting being away from her. Never once did it occur to me that, yeah, she was hurting too. Or maybe she's with someone else. Maybe she's found somebody new. I want her happy, sure. But I selfishly still want to be the one that makes her happy.

Y/n I miss you.

I delete it one last time and open my photo gallery. I have an album saved for photos of us. Photos that I never got to post because she wanted to keep us as private as possible without being a secret. Which is why both of us only have 3 photos of each other on our Instagram. One for our six months, a year, and a year and a half. Two more months and we would have had a fourth picture.

I'm swiping through the photos landing on one I took of her when we were flying back to Canada after our first trip together. We're on a private jet because this was before we went public with our relationship. Andrew made sure that we weren't seen together in the airport or anything. She's sitting in the seat across the aisle from me, legs up to her chest, earphones in, head resting on her knees as she smiles brightly at me. There's another one of us curled up together on this tiny chair in a green room in the UK that Andrew sent me. She's literally curled into a ball on my lap, sleeping peacefully and my legs are spread in front of me, arms wrapped tightly around her body, head resting against the back of the seat.

The next one Brian took. We were at my place for a very impromptu new years party. It was just gonna be me and y/n, but she insisted we invite the guys over. And we did. It was one of the best nights of my life. We're watching the ball drop, with her in my lap, arm around my shoulder. I have one arm behind her back, the other on her thigh. I think Brian knew something was going to happen because at ten seconds to midnight he pulled his phone out and captured out first new years kiss. She's holding my face and I'm practically leaning her back against the couch. It looks like I'm seconds away from crawling on top of her, and it be honest, I probably was. She's just too perfect for me to resist.

Then there's one that Josiah took of us just a few months ago at the studio house. I had y/n on the kitchen counter, she was in these jean shorts that I loved her in and a button up that she'd stolen from my suitcase. Not that I was complaining. It looked far better on her than it did on me. I stood between her legs, my hands on her sides, slipping under the shirt a little bit, leaning her hips exposed. Not that either of u cared with her fingers threaded in my hair as casually as they were. My face is blocked by her figure, but there isn't a doubt in my mind that I was smiling entirely too wide standing between her legs.

The video that follows knocks the breath out of me. She giggling like crazy, but the camera isn't on her, it's on me. On my back, more specifically. She laughs even more when I wince at the feel of her fingers on my red, raw skin that is now home of her fingernail scratches.

"Baby? What happened to your back?" She asked, amused.

"Don't know," I said, turning to face her, my cheeks still holding a slight blush. "But I think the real question is, what happened to your neck, missy?" I pluck the phone from her hands and turn the camera to her where she's trying to cover her face. I manage, however, to take her hands in my free one and the camera focuses on the flourishing bruises that litter her beautiful neck, my favorite place to rest my head.

I close my eyes, the memory of that night filling my mind. Watching her come down from her high, my face still buried between her legs. The weight and cold touch of her hands as she pulled me up to her, into her, because she needed me closer. I can hear myself murmuring the words 'I love you' all over her skin, still remember the way her back arched when I hit the right spot again and again and her finger ran down my back over and over, once more and she probably would have drawn blood. And I may not be home, but I can smell her on the sheets, that constant aroma of warm vanilla penetrating my nostrils. God, do I miss her.

I'm only making it worse for myself by doing this, I know that. But I should feel bad. I lost the greatest thing in my life and I didn't need to. So I got back to our messages, but instead of going to type a new one, I scroll through, reading through our old texts. There's countless paragraphs of us professing our love for each other. Lots of random pictures sent, most from my side. There's conversations about getting a home together, and a dog. And her telling me how much she loves my family and me telling her how much they love her, how much they ask about her. It's all hitting me too hard right now.

And it doesn't help that im literally sobbing at 2 in the morning, in Paris. The city of love. The place she told me was her favorite trip to ever take with me. Where we stood atop the eiffle tower and I gave her a promise ring, a ring that said I would love her and keep her forever. A promise ring that was now probably in the ocean in Cabo because I tore us apart so easily.

I sit up suddenly, struggling to catch my breath. It takes a few minutes, but I'm able to pull myself out of this empty bed that would only be comfortable with y/n laying next to me. I'm scrambling through the room, picking up the pair of jeans I threw off my body earlier and slipping back into them. I find a torn work out shirt in the bottom of my back and push my head and arms through before throwing my youth hoodie over my already overheated upper body. My passport is sitting in my guitar case, and I grab both things without a second thought. My suitcase trailing behind me.

It's difficult booking a flight and carrying a suitcase and guitar all at once, but I get along just well enough and adjust myself in the lobby while I wait for a taxi. I don't text Andrew until I've made it to the airport and am in my seat on the plane, ready for take off.

Emergency... had to fly home. Promise to make it back in time for the Paris show.

And I turn my phone off before he can text or call me back. Because there isn't a damn thing that he could say that would keep me there in a city that's meant for lovers, when my lover is across the world instead of laying in my arms the way she should be.

I know I shouldn't be doing this. I know there is someone out there who is better for her. Someone who isn't constantly on the move. Someone who can come home to her every night and help her make dinner. Someone who can cuddle her until she falls asleep when she's having a particularly bad day. I know there's someone who can do those things.

But I also know that he won't love her the way I do. He won't know all the little things that I do. Like how she only uses a blue toothbrush. Always has. And he won't notice the tiny scar that she has on her right middle finger from when we tried to make dinner together one night and she cut herself. He probably won't know that she wakes up at 3:34 every single night, because she hasn't been able to sleep fully and soundly through the night since she was four years old. And he'll mess up the way she likes her tea, using tea bags instead of leaves. (She like the herbal taste that you get when you use the leaves. And she likes when you do two scoops of them, and two scoops of sugar, but just cane sugar, the rock sugar makes it too earthy. And of course, she drinks it on ice because she hates burning her tongue with hot drinks.)

I'm thinking way too much as I get off the plane, reluctantly turning my phone back on only to see texts from just about everyone I know. They're all asking where I am, but I ignore them, because what I'm about to do is far more important than anything they threaten me with. I have to make things right.

Standing in front of this door that I've stood in front of hundreds of times should make me feel at ease. Remembering all the times I had her pressed against the other side of the door because I just couldn't wait to have her all to myself. But if anything, it's making me more nervous. So nervous that my hands are shaking, palms sweating, my breathing is jagged and I know if I don't knock right now I might never get the chance again and I can't lose her for real this time. So without giving myself the chance to rethink, I knock on the door three times and I wait, handing in the pocket of my hoodie.

I wait a solid thirty seconds, which feel like an eternity, before the door finally opens and I see my beautiful girl. Her face is bare, hair only halfway straightened, and she's in those shorts I love and my old Led Zepplin t-shirt.

"Shawn," my name still sounds like heaven spilling from her lips. "What are you doing here?" She crosses and then uncrosses her arms, shifting her weight from one leg to the other before standing completely straight.

I didn't even realize I was crying until I sniffled and heard my voice crack with just three words, "I miss you."

"Shawn," she shook her head.

"I tried not to," I insisted, still standing like a fool on her door step. "I swear I did. But I couldn't stop. I looked through all our pictures and texts, and I couldn't stop myself from missing you. And I know I have no right to because I broke things off. But I was in Paris and I was miserable because Paris was your favorite place, and that was where I promised to love you forever, and I'm still keeping that promise. I was an idiot," I continue to ramble. "If there's a better word for that, then I'm that too, because I thought it would be easier if I broke things off. This tour was going to be so long and to go that long without each other, I was scared that it wouldn't be enough for you. But it's not what I wanted, y/n. It's not, and I just-"

"Shawn, stop."

I shut my mouth instantly, ready for her to tell me to leave. But what she does instead throws me completely off guard. She pulls me into the apartment and wraps her arms around my neck, burying her head deep in my chest.

"I miss you, too." She mumbles and I exhale slowly, only to inhale that scent that I love so much. The scent that is naturally her. She starts to pull away, and even though I don't want her to, I let her but she only leans back enough to take my face in her hands and before I even have time to blink, her soft lips are on mine and I'm whole again.

She's mine again and I'm never letting her go.

***

Tags: @curlyshawny @shawns-badreputation @anamariel2301 @bbellbagel

This took me longer to write than it should have, but I kinda really like it. I hope you enjoyed and I'll see you Wednesday for more content! 💙

Like, reblog, and leave feedback!!

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes one shot #shawn peter raul #shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes smut #smfsource

[auohno]

“Within the lovely 21 years I have been alive my mom had me for most of it, she ran away from where I was from because from what she told me 'she didn't want something bad to happen,' not to long after my brother died in a fire. Since then I have gone almost a year ( added up) without power with her, moved every few months and at a constant point homeless and had nothing to eat due to her drug habits. In that large amount of time I was treated more like a prize possession than an actual child, and I ended up being constsntly guilt-tripped and left little to no motivation to live. Often when I lived with her she would take my whole chrck to fuel her habits and I often had to walk over 5 miles back and forth to work because she wasn't bothered to get up to take me. It continued until shr decided to kick me out because she choose drugs over me. Afraid I'll catch thr charge because she was letting a drug deal go on in a house we squatted in(which she ans my stepdad said they had been trying to pay it off, it was a lie.) Where I recrntly moved is a lot better but, I have been scrutinized for habits that I had gotten over the almost 19 years I lived eith her. My real dad often says he has a year to fix me, which isnt enough time to try and help all this damage. It's now been longer than that and he is getting aggitated with me for not knowing certain things or understanding tones. Right now I have been on the verge of panic attack after panic attack, afraid to say something because the last time I said I thought I was depressed, I got called bipolar. I don't know what to do anymore.”

I have known Angel almost 8 years and we have a long distance relationship. I live in Ontario, she lives in Alabama. On November 18th, 2019 Angel nearly commit suicide due to the troubles she’s going through. I can’t financially support her as I recently lost my job, and she cannot get a job as she has to clean the entire house spotless, babysit her father and mother in law’s children, and cook dinner. Angel has maybe 2-3 hours tops to herself, and its not enough time for her to properly vent or somehow express her feelings. After that she goes to bed, only to begin this process all over again. These people make horrible comments about her family back in Florida and they constantly pick at her for things she cannot control. I’ve made this go fund me in hopes that she can get the therapy she needs.

UPDATE: November 25th, 2019

Angel wants to commit suicide again, and I can’t talk her out of it. She needs help NOW. I can’t lose Angel, and the only hope she has is to get the therapy she needs. Please I’m begging anyone to help!

#gofundme

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: alright? Carly: yea Ali: you want any water, pain killers? Carly: k to both Ali: can have my headphones too if you can deal with my music taste Carly: you could sing to me tho Ali: i've got the pipes, yeah but not sure anyone else wants me belting over the racket Carly: idc about them Ali: yeah Ali: one of us gotta get home with a spotless record, tho Carly: You can't get in trouble for being loud Carly: Leesha knows that Ali: she just leads a charmed life 🍀 Carly: or 🔮 Ali: Didn't need no crystal ball to see through your plans, soz babe Carly: who does Ali: got further than you had any right Ali: poor woodfield on bog watch 'til dubo now Carly: ha Carly: gave her something to do Carly: but nobodys trying it again like Ali: reckon you're right Ali: no one got that kinda deathwish Carly: trying to kill me w a stare tho Carly: she loves it Ali: hmm Ali: less sure on that Carly: i am Carly: try it tho bitch Carly: feel 🕱 Ali: got until we get back Ali: that's when the real shit begins Ali: what're you gonna do carls Carly: idk idc Carly: theyre gonna do what they want Carly: & not like my ma & da will throw a fit Ali: sure? Ali: shame Ali: hoping your Da would move Drew on Carly: im not 12 now babe Carly: & he isn't a beautiful romany lad Carly: my ma will like the look of him i kno Ali: you're 14 Ali: still got a few more years of compulsorary giving a shit about you left Carly: yea Carly: but its no big Ali: you could get expelled Carly: nah Carly: didnt go anything cuz leesha had to speak up about it Ali: you blame her Carly: nah but its facts Carly: nothing happened Ali: I don't think that's how they see it Carly: k but Carly: idc Carly: forget it Ali: k but HOW Carly: what? Carly: dont worry about it babe k Carly: im not trying to Ali: I know you're trying to avoid a freakout but Ali: fucking hell Ali: why Carly: why what? Carly: whats your problem? Ali: only the same as yours Ali: not enjoying the chaos around us or the chaos waiting at home Carly: nah Carly: but worry about your sister Carly: this is nothing Ali: no it isn't Carly: just chatter Carly: weve heard it all before Ali: you're a we now yeah Carly: ha Carly: everyone on this coach has heard it & said it is what i mean Carly: dont be jealous babe Ali: Why would I be jealous? Carly: im only playing Carly: i kno youre not Ali: Whatever Carly: dont be mad at me Carly: be fun Ali: not feeling it Carly: baby come on Carly: why tho Ali: you actually need to ask? Carly: yea Carly: i havent done anything wrong Ali: it ain't about right or wrong Ali: it's still a mess and i'm over it Ali: that's all Carly: k Carly: but ive been a mess since we met & you cba about that before Ali: i didn't say you Ali: the situation Carly: theres no situation Carly: only sex that didnt even happen Ali: forget about it Carly: nah Carly: say what you wanna say Ali: okay, the fact he's fucking ruined this entire trip Ali: Ro had to go home Ali: and Laoise is taking the opportunity to cyberbully her about it as if she's not already fucked up enough from it Ali: and he's not even a little bit sorry that he just wasted the last 3 months of her life with his bullshit Carly: None of that's my bad Carly: be mad at him not me Ali: I am Ali: but I'm mad at you for not giving enough of a shit to not get dragged down in his crap either Carly: hes not dragging me anywhere but the bathroom Ali: bullshit Carly: nah Carly: youre making it something else Carly: its not Ali: the whole bus is slagging on you Ali: half of them wanna fight you Ali: and that's cos of this Ali: its not debateable its facts Carly: and what Carly: when dont they Ali: there was no need Carly: yea there was Ali: no worthwhile one then whatever Carly: worthwhile to me Ali: i really hope so Carly: wouldve been like Ali: i don't need to hear Carly: k Carly: be like that Ali: yeah i will Carly: why do you wanna fight w me? Ali: i don't Ali: you got your priorities i got mine Carly: but youre a priority you kno Ali: its alright Ali: let's leave this drama behind Carly: how tho Carly: youre still gonna be mad Ali: yeah but that is what it is Ali: nothing's going to change Ali: we'll both deal Carly: but Ali: idk Ali: idk what we do, if you think of something lemme know Carly: im sorry Ali: me too Carly: tell me what to do Carly: i wanna make you feel better Ali: I dunno, Carls Ali: its all already done Ali: not just you, all of us Carly: lets do something else Carly: go somewhere else Carly: whatever you want Ali: Oh, that reminds me Ali: Tommy's back, he asked if you wanna go out Carly: is it k w you if i come? Ali: yeah Carly: nah its weird Ali: no it isn't Ali: i don't wanna not see you Ali: fuck that Ali: its just this trip and him Carly: i only did it cuz he said hed hook me up when we got back Carly: i dont want him Ali: its alright Ali: you don't have to explain to me Carly: its not Carly: alright isnt how we feel you kno Ali: as far as this trip goes Ali: i'll take it, babe Carly: i shouldnt have come on it Ali: nah, don't say that Ali: apart from this shit Ali: it was good, right? Carly: but this shit happened cuz im not good Carly: my heads wrecked Ali: no Ali: it didn't Ali: yeah, you went there too but so did Laoise and it coulda been any girl Carly: she didnt fuck him for a hit tho Carly: why i gotta do that Ali: that hit of revenge Ali: worse reason, to be honest Carly: yea Carly: she is the worst we kno Ali: you're not bad Carly: im not an angel like you babe Ali: yeah you is Ali: can't fool me Carly: you cant stop being nice to me Ali: and what bitch Carly: youre meant to be mad Ali: i'm sick of it Ali: its not getting us anywhere so Carly: where you wanna get to baby Ali: better Carly: we'll start tonight Carly: out w your brother Ali: yeah Ali: fucking ray of ☀ that he is Carly: ha Carly: maybe ill find a nice girl at the club tho Carly: then youll be happy Ali: i don't wanna be that bitch about it Ali: just drew, babe, c'mon 😝 Ali: please tell me i ain't that bitch Carly: ha Carly: hes no worse than ronan tho Carly: to your sister k but not to me Ali: yeah and thinking 'bout how hard Ronan sucks made you cry the other day so Ali: 👀 Carly: dont Carly: he took your vs its so sad Carly: i wouldnt let goldie take mine nah Ali: I dunno what the fuck I was thinking Carly: youre too good Carly: you think everyone is Carly: 👼 Ali: nah Ali: I mean, he ain't the 😈 but he was bad enough for my purposes Ali: my stupid ass 🙄 Carly: nah you're too smart Carly: you knew what you were doing like Carly: been there had that fight w my ma Ali: the flashbacks not needed Ali: still got that 📢 in my ear Ali: though, probably gonna lay off a bit now Drew's showed Caleb up for the good boy he is Ali: awks Carly: its my turn Carly: thanks for turning up ma & da turn into his drama Carly: then turn away cuz nothing to see Ali: yours back home rn? Carly: nah but im sure theyll get the summons if the teachers kick off loud enough Ali: shit Ali: they gonna kill ya? Carly: theyll only be mad if their hol gets cut short but like they can go again when the teachers have had a word Carly: dont need a babysitter Ali: yeah, soz we can't come back we got free drinks here 'til next week so Carly: you kno Carly: gotta draw straws for which one shows up & who gets to keep the party going Ali: 1000 on ur dad showing up then Carly: yea Carly: plot twist my nan rocks up like it hasnt been years Carly: carly who bitch Ali: bitch same Ali: missing nan gang Ali: conspiracy, like Carly: i kno where she is but she not trying to kno us Carly: family fights like Carly: boring Ali: gurl, so much in common Ali: let tommo regale you with the fuckery Ali: other peeps drama always be more fun Ali: WELL Carly: hes such a gossipy bitch Carly: ill tell him about all this so he can have fun w Ali: beat u to the reveal honey but Ali: always more scandal I probably saved him from Carly: you been chatting about me Carly: aw Ali: yeah Ali: keep my slagging on the downlow Ali: wise up lads Carly: its k cuz youre creative Carly: its all slut, slag and whore w them Ali: truly Ali: switch it up Carly: drew did skank and he was wasted so its not hard Ali: 🤢 Ali: anything drew is capable of is basal Carly: wtf does that mean tho Carly: he calls me a bitch a lot like boy thats mine and my girl's thing k bye Ali: he talks a lotta shit for such a lil bitch boy himself Ali: yeah, back off Ali: ur not part of the gang Carly: he wants to be on you so bad that id feel bad but cant cuz yea hes a prick Ali: i can't Ali: why bitch Ali: like, i'm nice the rest of the time but like, no nicer to him than any other acquaintance Ali: and rn its clear i lowkey hate Carly: cos youre you Carly: who wouldnt want that Ali: 😽 Ali: always out here hyping me up boo Carly: yea i love you Ali: i love you too bitch Carly: serious tho Carly: im sorry Carly: i hate it when youre mad at me Ali: i swear i was never mad at you Ali: who could be mad at that lil face Ali: right teachers? 🤞 Carly: ha Carly: well they saw me making a seduction face like Carly: my bad Ali: don't act like you didn't love that too lads Carly: you kno Carly: youve seen it its good Ali: willing to write that review Carly: aww Carly: so sweet Carly: id give you top marks too baby Ali: you better 😒 Ali: don't be lying to me or yourself baby 😏 Carly: ha Carly: nah youre the best Carly: no lie Ali: 😳 Carly: so cute Ali: just trying make me have a huge head to drag my cute down Carly: nah you earned those props from me Carly: put a lot of work in Ali: no slacker 💪 Carly: facts Carly: lot of fun Ali: funsized Ali: that's my secret Carly: aw Carly: but were the same size tho Ali: exactly Ali: team pocket rocket Ali: get out giant boys Carly: your boy gotta stay cuz hes not i see you bitch Ali: 😎 Ali: you said yourself, i'm too smart Carly: 🖕 Ali: how tall is my brother Ali: forgot Ali: kick him out of his own partay how rude Carly: shit Carly: sorry boy Ali: can walk on his knees if he wanna hang Carly: or hands Carly: wtf would that make a difference nah Ali: nah babe Ali: that perfect form Ali: twat 😒😂 Carly: im too sober to have thoughts Carly: no scholarship to a fancy school for me Ali: don't be fooled, he only there 'cos he can twerk good 💅 Ali: #bitchmetoothefuck Carly: fuck why you worried about me getting expelled from here if thats what it takes to go there Carly: i got this Ali: you just gon leave me like that Ali: 😞 ok Carly: nah Carly: come w me baby Ali: running away to london Ali: heard worse plans Carly: you kno Carly: be fun Carly: we always have a good time running off together Ali: no lie Ali: maybe we can crash when he goes back early to get settled 'cos he's dramatic like that Ali: lots of fit boys, can't all be gay Carly: are they allowed to fuck Carly: or is it like footballers and shit Ali: Ooh Ali: we'll have to ask Ali: good pickup line, babe Carly: i'll ask your brother if hes getting any Ali: he'll die of embarrassment 💀 Carly: aw Carly: is he a virgin serious Ali: I think so Ali: he won't say obvs, withholding that ☕ so shady Carly: i'll ask Carly: find him a cutie to do the honors Ali: 🙈 Ali: he was feeling sorry for you but he gon' wanna square up now too Carly: yea? Carly: i need the practice if i gotta fight leesha again Ali: 😒 she better stay tf away if she knows what's good Ali: still, he used to being target practice Ali: he quick tho Carly: teach me those ballerina girl moves Carly: never went as a kid Ali: aww baby Ali: i did for the hottest of secs but Carly: bet your ma has pics im hitting her up Ali: yeah, she loves pissing herself @ me, the cow Ali: you can join now, or yoga with me, your fave 😉 Carly: nah Carly: got enough teachers on my case Carly: & bitchy girls Ali: 😱 Ali: i ain't that bad, rude Carly: never you my baby Carly: youre the only one who isnt Ali: bus full of bitches Ali: sounds like a song marlene would write Carly: pitch it to her Carly: or find her in the club Ali: maybe Ali: idk if she's got a girl rn Ali: we shall see Carly: me & her Carly: weird Carly: i'll ask her if shes feeling it Ali: oh lord Ali: can't play with her like a boy tho Ali: wifey'd up before you know it Carly: nah she scares me Carly: im a good wife tho Ali: you is Ali: but you wanna be? Carly: what? Ali: you don't wanna be no wifey Carly: not hers Ali: as long as not his either then we good Carly: ha Ali: 👀 Carly: what you saying w those beautiful eyes boo Ali: i see u and ur lack of a response is what i'm sayin Ali: honeyyyy Carly: dont Carly: i said about him before thats it Ali: i'm just playing Carly: dont Carly: he thinks it too Carly: such a prick Ali: i'm soz baby Ali: he thinks everyone loves him as much as he does Carly: yea Carly: i need to find a new dealer Ali: honey, in this town? done is done Ali: find one tonight Carly: so smart

[voidbeantm]

.

#every time i think okay this time is for real. i'll tell someone. just mention it. it'll be fine. #and then i think about the amount of work waiting for me the moment it happens and how many people im gonna have to figure out how to tell #and i just. i can't do it. i back down again. there's just so much work. so much thinking. #i convince myself that its fine. that i can deal with the yearning for maybe the rest of my life maybe a few years who knows if it's a phase #but man. does the yearning get a a little worse and a little louder every time it pops back up #maybe this isnt real and in a few years i'll get over it. i hope so. and at the same time i hope not. #i know i know‚ time spent finding and loving yourself is never time wasted. but still. #personal #personal for blacklist