#maybe one day I’ll do a really in-depth post about their beliefs with the actual passages from the books included

[rustedskyprisms]

I am so, so sorry for ever internalizing, believing, and parroting that “if you talk about having trouble connecting to a lot of other women, you must hate them/want male approval” mentality. But that was when I was a teenager and really heavily influenced by tumblr shit. But I’m saying I’m sorry because that’s such bullshit. You cannot simplify someone’s personal problems and experiences like that. And the idea that this always connects back to men, or wanting their approval, or that you’re just “not supportive of other women” is stupid.

And it’s funny that I held that belief when it’s a sentiment I myself can relate to. And it has nothing to do with “seeing women as a monolith”, “getting along better with men”, or whatever. So that’s what I’m saying.

But also, this shit about “a woman with no female friends is a red flag”-I genuinely think it’s very weird to say things like that if you do not know the person in question. If anyone sees women as a monolith, it’s you. To you, the only reason a woman would ever hang out with men is because she values them more, or wants their approval. Are you projecting? Yeah, there totally are women who are super annoying and hate other women; this post is obviously not about them.

Also, I don’t think you can go on about how rough gender roles are for women, and then fail to understand that, if a woman doesn’t fit those roles, really, any “acceptable” roles or ideals in society, yeah, there’s probably going to be a disconnect there.

I just hate how women get simplified. “All women have experienced this”, “all women can relate to this”. Because yeah, I cannot relate to most of those experiences, but if you say that, then you’re making shit about yourself. But you’re literally making blanket statements. Also, I just love when people imply that all women know what It’s like to have female friends they can rely on. Because….yeah. That is not everyone’s experience.

I’m just going to say it though, I think one of the reasons I got so into online spaces that were dominated by women for a while was because I wanted to fit in. There was like a weird thing there, that connects to me really struggling irl with this-I can’t articulate it right now. Maybe one day I’ll figure it out.

I feel like I’m stirring up a hornet’s nest any time I even discuss this subject. So yeah I usually don’t even say anything. And that actually bothers me because I do think it’s important to talk about this stuff. It’s not always what you think. Like I really do believe that before you jump into getting angry, or taking something like that personally, you should ask the other woman why she’s saying that/feels that way. And if you get some response like “guys are less drama/are funnier/cooler/etc”……okay yeah then that’s the type of person who is a complete idiot. If you get a very in depth, personal explanation, even if you disagree with it, I still think you should hear them out. Especially if you yourself are always going on about how women should support each other.

I don’t know, it’s just bizarre to me how so many adults cannot grasp that this stuff is complicated, and very, very heavily influenced by societal rules/expectations. I’d throw in how attractive you’re considered too, but uh, yeah I’m not touching that with a ten foot pole. This really articulates a lot though, in my experience: “There are feminist circles made up mostly of women who have never had a problem with being accepted by other women, and their ideas about how girls and women treat each other are very influential. The things is that they don’t realize that how other women treat them and how other girls treated them growing up isn’t universal. They’re unaware that they aren’t accepted just because they’re women but because they’re able to check off a number of conditions that signal to other women that they “belong.” One of the more important conditions is being able to do femininity the right way. They’re unaware that there’s a huge difference between women who can do femininity the right way and choose to subvert it for feminist reasons versus women who can’t do it the right way at all, and that difference has a huge impact on how other women treat you. A lot of these women are probably well intentioned, but that doesn’t make it okay that their viewpoints, which erase women who are marginalized in ways they aren’t, have become so mainstream.”

I have experienced this firsthand. These were almost always the exact women in these online spaces. Your experiences are not universal. Stop thinking they are and projecting that on to other people. And that’s one of the biggest reasons I left-it became very clear to me that there is a “right way” to go about or experience things to a lot of these people. I feel very out of place in a lot of feminist spaces, but I feel like you just cannot say shit like that. You must have internalized misogyny if you do, right?

[ootahime]

what is utahime’s role in the future? — a prediction (manga spoilers)

part 1 (unedited)

I WAS ABOUT TO POST IT BUT I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT AND I WAS SO HURT FR!!!!! I HAD REWRITE THIS ENTIRE THING </33

part 2 is here!

in this post, i will be analyzing the information we’ve been given about utahime so far to form a prediction about her future role in the jujutsu kaisen series. if you’re as interested in utahime’s character as i am, please feel free to keep reading :3 (i’ll also be talking about her relationship with gojo a bit too)

soukatsu_ on twt!

kaikaikitan on twt!

utahime iori is a semi-grade 1 sorcerer working as a student supervisor/teacher at kyoto jujutsu high school. she loves drinking beer and going to karaoke. she’s also close friends with shoko and she’s not particularly fond of gojo most of the time. what else do we know about her?

hates sweets (funny she’s the complete opposite of gojo)

she’s great at singing and it’s a huge part of her technique

squabbling with gojo became a reflex :3

everyone absolutely adores utahime

loves watching soccer and baseball

a terrible drunk (worse than naobito zenin)

gojo is her main source of stress

let’s dive into her personality and abilities!

chapter 65

before i get into it, i think it’d be best if i were to explain the timeline because a lot of people seem to be confused about this one particular thing. utahime is born on february 18th, 1987. contrary to popular belief, she is not 3 years older than gojo. it is november 2018 in the story because gojo was sealed on halloween. if gojo was born on december 7th, 1989, that would mean that right now, he is only 28 years old. he has yet to turn 29.

the year is 2007. gojo satoru is a second year at tokyo jujutsu high school. the japanese school year begins in april which suggests that gojo is only 17 at the time (even if it’s not april, it doesn’t look like winter yet so it’s unlikely that he’s already 18). utahime is 20 because it is past february. she is a 2nd grade sorcerer at the age of 20. that’s not bad at all!

chapter 65 introduces young utahime and mei on a mission together within a cursed site. in real time, they’ve been gone for two days which is a cause of concern for gojo, shoko, and geto because the two haven’t contacted anyone since the beginning of their mission.  the two begin to suspect something is wrong because the hallway markers they’ve set in place disappeared, and no matter how far they travel within the halls, the end is nowhere in sight.  mei theorizes that the cursed spirit is overlapping the space as they travel forward.  utahime agrees with this speculation and proposes a plan to escape the cursed spirit’s grasp by moving erratically.  notice how she says that if one of them should escape, they can try to attack from the outside or call for help.  if utahime was not capable of inflicting damage on anything then she would have told mei to escape and attack if she can while she waited to be rescued.  however, she didn’t.  she included herself in the sentence which leads me to believe that she is capable of going on the offense if needed.  

keep in mind that at this point in time, mei is a grade 1 sorcerer.  she is knowledgeable about all things involving jujutsu because she is experienced and skillful.  we can see this aspect of her character illustrated when she theorizes that the cursed spirit is messing with the space they’re in.  she chooses to go with utahime’s plan because she agrees that it’s the best action moving forward.  this verifies that utahime is an intelligent girl that’s able to get along with pretty much anyone.  

her intellect is demonstrated once again in chapter 79.  she was able to deduce the possibility of there being more than one traitor and the fact that one is probably a higher up.  she also narrowed down the mechamaru as the mole of kyoto not because he was acting suspicious but by process of elimination.  she thought thoroughly of his technique and how easy it would be for him to manipulate devices small enough to be undetectable.  

sure you can argue that she should already know all her students’ abilities and whatnot but you have to admit that it’s hard trying to sniff out the traitor when no one is acting suspicious.  in addition to that, how did she know that there was a traitor in the top brass?  i would have never guessed that tbh LOL (maybe bc im an idiot).

okay, now that we have established that she’s intelligent, let’s answer a more important question.  is utahime weak?

chapter 33

if gojo calls utahime weak, does that mean there is some truth to it?  well it is true that she is weaker than him because he’s the strongest and all.  in my opinion, he’s just teasing her.  he probably found that calling her weak is what really riles her up.  maybe i’ll talk about why he loves teasing her so much in a later post.  but anyway, gojo calls everybody and their mom weak.  he even said jogo was weak and we know how powerful that guy is.  gojo’s words alone do not indicate much about utahime’s power.  in fact, i don’t even think he has seen her use her technique yet.  he’s probably only ever heard of how it works.  this is what i think their conversation about her technique was like:

gojo: hm?  ur cursed technique is singing?  can u show me?

utahime: what!  no way!  

gojo: why not?

*one of the classmates tells him that she can only use her CT once in a while because it consumes a lot of energy*

gojo: hahaha!  u have to conserve cursed energy to use ur CT?  why are u so weak, utahime?

utahime: i!  am!  your!  senpai!  respect!  me!

what i’m trying to say is that gojo loves poking fun of people.  we should not believe him when he calls someone weak because compared to him, everyone is weak.  

this is a little off topic but let’s examine him telling her, “and you don’t have the nerves, utahime.”  i think he’s trying to say that there’s no way she’ll ever do something like that because she’s not the type to put her students in danger.  remember the soft expression and relieved smile on her lips when she said that she was glad the students were safe after the kyoto incident?  gojo was directly in front of her so not only did he hear her say that, but he could have seen the look on her face too.  even if he told her that she didn’t have the guts to betray the school to get on her nerves, he knew that utahime simply cared too much about the students so he ruled her out as a suspect right away.  this is why he ultimately decided to confide in her and ask her to help him.  

i’m a person who loves over-analyzing things.  i really enjoy the dynamic between gojo and utahime.  they’ve known each other for more than 11 years and although they always bicker, there is an unspoken feeling of trust between the two.  gojo can do anything and everything by himself because he is truly the strongest person alive, but he still knows when to rely on others.  him deciding to entrust utahime with such a job implies that he believes in utahime’s abilities.

chapter 52

she’s not using any cursed energy here--not to our knowledge at least.  this is just pure skill.  she was able to swiftly evade the swing from haruta.  he was surprised himself considering the fact that he was right behind her.  how do we know her CT isn’t speed?  after haruta swung at her, we can see that some of her hair got cut off.  if she was using her CT then speed should be her specialty.  she should have been able to completely avoid the attack altogether but she didn’t.  of course this isn’t a wow moment because jujutsu sorcerers should know how to dodge attacks, however, i’m just trying to get the point across that she’s not a defenseless person without her technique or others.  let’s not forget that semi-grade 1 isn’t a weak rank either.  you can’t simply be recommended to be a grade 1 sorcerer if you only can support others.  

chapter 48

i want to bring up this panel. it suggests that utahime and takuma are sorcerers who have not experienced black flash and therefore, do not understand the essence of cursed energy as well as those who have like gojo and nanami.  i find it strange how takuma and utahime were used to represent sorcerers who haven’t experienced it yet.  is the purpose to demonstrate that there is a clear difference in skill between adult sorcerers like utahime and takuma compared to gojo and nanami?  i could be nitpicking but the order of todo’s statement doesn’t line up with the sorcerers being shown.  let me explain in depth.  todo starts off by saying, “for those who have experienced black flash as compared to those who have not...” wouldn’t it make more sense to show gojo and nanami on the right side to represent sorcerers who have experienced black flash?  that was mentioned first, after all.  gojo and nanami should appear when todo says “for those who have experience black flash” while utahime and takuma should be shown right after to personify the second part, “as compared to those who have not.”  i’m just making it more complicated than it actually is LOLOL i’m sure it really just means they haven’t experienced black flash yet, which is completely fine.  i also find it fascinating how they used utahime to contrast gojo.  with nanami and takuma it makes sense.  nanami is someone takuma looks up to, he wants to gain nanami’s approval before he deems himself worthy of a promotion. what about utahime and gojo?  what’s the purpose of comparing those two together when it’s obvious that gojo knows more about the essence of cursed energy more than anyone else?  i might be delusional whoops

----

let me know what you guys think?  this is only a part 1 so i haven’t gotten around to answering the question.  i’m pretty much done with the second part, i just need to revise it a little.  i think after i post part 2, i’ll try to interpret all the gojo and utahime moments in the manga >.<

#gojohime #gouta #gojo x utahime

[lochnessies]

ok here’s a dissection of a post an anon sent me the link to and bc i have the worst time management possible and i completely forgot i had it lol so sorry anon here you go ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

I am constantly thinking about how Edelgard just doesn’t seem designed to appeal to cishet men.

i hate to be the one to break this news to you op but just because a character doesn’t show skin like charlotte fire emblem doesn’t mean she isn’t designed to pander to men. she’s very much designed to pander to the (majority straight male) player base with her ‘uwu i only trust you professor omg did u see that rat? pls don’t look at my painting of you uwu’.

then there’s the whole edelgard c support in japanese where byleth makes reference to having come to her room for ‘yobi’ which is

there’s also the scene where byleth can make an unsolicited comment about edelgard’s breast size. which is… uhh… gross.

edelgard also has cipher cards that go from slightly fanserviceie to full on suggestive

and also her breast armor that my sister relentlessly mocked lol

and here’s a chart from the 3h subreddit about gender/sexually in regards to edelgard and edeleth. it’s extremely straight male. op might have just overlooked this since they probably don’t go on reddit and stay on tumblr (which unlike reddit is mostly female and has a high lgbt demographic).

Like the joke is that Bleagles is the Gay House, but everything about her feels deliberately non-hetero.

i don’t like where this is going…

She’s dressed in sharp outfits covering her upper body, with proportions that don’t seem exaggerated.

so women who cover up must be lgbt because straight women are naturally more revealing? oh y i k e s

Her poise and the way she effortlessly flourishes her axe exhibits an air of coolness. While titties out =/= character of no substance, Edelgard being dressed more modestly suggests that she wasn’t designed with male-centred fanservice in mind.

“titties don’t equal no substance but here’s my post on how she has more substance because she doesn’t show titties” ok

And she still looks absolutely stunning in her more modest attire (like seriously, I haven’t felt the need to return to cosplay in years but I want to do her academy look so bad). 

yes she does. amazing design 10/10. i have a feeling this is the only part i’m going to agree with

Edelgard is intense. She does not mince her words and she is constantly evaluating you. Though she tries, she has a difficult time understanding her peers initially. Early on, she talks about how she would sacrifice herself and others in the name of some greater good. She is terrible at communicating with her peers. She has to be seen as infallible. Her heart has been hardened for years and she assumes she has to stay that way. She also assumes everyone mourns the same way she does - which is why she (kind of insensitively) insists you move on when Jeralt dies. Because to her, grief has to be channeled towards action, or else you’ll get lost in it. This attitude is demonstrated time and time again as she presses on. It can make her come off as cold and unfeeling - but look closer, and she’s anything but.

don’t really have anything to say at this part. it is pretty on the nose though i would slightly disagree with that last sentence a bit. i wouldn’t say she’s as i feeling as hubert is but all of her talks of the war boil down to how she feels and never her victims.

Her story is ultimately about her realizing that to achieve her goals, she needs to let people in and allow herself to want things like cakes and tea parties and lazy days in peace. 

????? what ????? her goals include imperialism, ethnic and religious targeting. her story is about having a set of beliefs and mowing down anybody who stands in her way. that has nothing to do with tea, friends, and lazy days. also am i supposed to be sad that she has to get up everyday and work? i do that and i didn’t start a war and only throw a pity party for myself

The game leaves the player guessing as to how involved the Flame Emperor was in each Part I event, makes you feel hurt by her betrayal, and leaves you with a choice: do you follow the orders of the woman who tried to make you a god without your consent, or a young girl with questionable morals about to throw the world into upheaval?

this isn’t an ideal situation but i think i’m going to stick with the woman who tried to make me a god since i’m not selfish and i know it’s not only my desires and life at stake here. plus the green hair slaps ngl

Choosing her of your own volition (not for completionist reasons) requires the basic ability to sympathize with a woman’s pain. It also requires the player to read beyond her unwavering will and dubious methods to get a sense of how deep that pain goes and how the theme of humanity relates to her differently in each route.

i’m not going to touch this since @nilsh13 made a post on it that i’ll link here. i agree with everything he said so to repeat it would be redundant.

The player must be able to see a young woman’s desperate resolve to change the world so it stops exploiting people and ruining lives. They must be able to accept the fact that women can make the same morally wrong and ambivalent decisions that complicated male characters get to make all the time and still be the one to root for.

literally the same reason i love rhea lol her goddess experiments are dubious at best but her reasons are the same you mentioned. i would say that i like this quality in edelgard too if her ending, while bloody, actually ended in a good outcome for fodlan.

This is not unique to LGBT+ people, but this population is likely to understand why Edelgard feels so strongly about why she has to change the system. 

i understand wanting to change a system, i really do. like edelgard, i’m an opinionated bisexual woman (who’s also physically disabled) so yeah i get it. and change can be good but it can also be terrible. even if the church was the boogeyman edelgard treats it as she still replaces it with her own shit regime. so it’s the same circus just with a new conductor.

I don’t think “Edelgard gets undue criticism because she’s a woman” captures the full picture. An important aspect of her treatment by certain parts of the fandom is that she’s a radical woman.

or maybe she does some pretty fucked up shit and it goes unacknowledged in her own route. and yeah she’s radical but in all the worst ways.

Her hatred of the Church and the Crest system resonates way harder with people who have been hurt by institutions that are deeply engrained in our society. 

and what about people who have been hurt by systems where their ‘merit’ didn’t measure up and they were left behind? what about people from nations that experienced imperialism?

Siding with her means siding against the Church - which, while different from real world religious institutions, still invokes language about “sin” and “punishment.

yeah the ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ are used in relation to attempted murders which i think everybody can agree is a bad thing that needs to be condemned.

Choosing Edelgard will likely hit different if homophobic and transphobic Christians used that rhetoric against you.

it has literally nothing to do with ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ in regards to being gay or trans. that’s you projecting. especially since the church has 2 canon gay characters and two coded ones.

like i can understand why having a church condemn you can be uncomfortable but i’m begging you to please look at the context of what’s happening.

I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that the reason F/F Edeleth is the more popular iteration of that ship because most people who would choose to S-support Edelgard are LGBT+ themselves. This is not a revelation. To anyone in the community, it’s fairly obvious. 

i was talking to nilish and he said

so yeah… while there is definitely sapphic femleth shippers out there, there’s still a whole lot of weird fetishizing going on from straight men about edelgard.

Crimson Flower was my first route. I went into the game knowing absolutely nothing. I played it during the last week of 2020 and hoo boy was it cathartic. 

i can tell. this wasn’t supposed to be a dig but it came out that way and i’m not taking it out.

I felt like I was living out a gay revolution power fantasy, where I could truly change systems of oppression while fighting alongside a group of troubled students I’d shaped the lives of.

so a gay revolution power fantasy (cringe) goes hand in hand with imperialism and installing a dictatorship? also the war had nothing to do with sexuality.

Through your unwavering support, Edelgard learns that she needs to be human, that she must listen to her friends, and that she’s allowed to enjoy the world she’s creating.

edelgard gets to learn how to be human all while hunting those who don’t. and she doesn’t listen fo her friends. she doesn’t even trust them. she’s willing to talk to byleth but keep the people who’s been by her side for five years in the dark about everything. and yeah she gets to enjoy her new words since she’s on top. hate to be a commoner under her rule after she burned down my village in her war.

I love this character so much.

clearly. and i honestly don’t care if somebody likes her. i do as well even if my sometimes scathing words can make it seem otherwise.

It has been six months since I first played and I am still analyzing her,

me too. please help me escape i’m losing my mind

because there’s so much depth. Yet so many people fail to see that depth and dismiss her as evil,

i mean, she does some fucked up shit that goes beyond any of the less than desirable actions of the other main characters and does an extremely poor job in trying to make herself seem innocent. i personally don’t think she’s pure evil but i completely understand where the people who say she is are coming from.

because they never had the will to understand complicated women in the first place. 

that’s big talk from somebody who implies that a gay pope is comparable to homophobic and transphobic irl religions and that leads an oppressive regime all because she uses the vague terms of sin and punishments that you have to gay power fantasy your way out of

#i finished this at 1am so sorry if i’m incoherent #mine

[starry-sky-stuff]

Sorting the Grisha Trilogy

For this sorting I’ll be using the superb sorting system created by @sortinghatchats. A brief breakdown, there are Primaries, the why, and Secondaries, the how. For a more in depth explanation check out @sortinghatchats or @wisteria-lodge. Here’s a link to a great and succinct explanation. 

Disclaimer: Spoiler warnings apply both for the Grisha Trilogy, the Six of Crows Duology and the Nikolai Duology. 

This turned into a very long post so I cut for length.

Alina Starkov has a very loud Lion Secondary that she increasingly grows into as the series progresses. Alina has literally no chill ever, about anything. She’s always ready to throw down. In Siege & Storm, she’s quite ready to tear the Crown Prince a new one for his suggestion that they lower the draft age. All the while Nikolai watches in exasperation because they very much need to keep the generals and royals on side. But Alina can never be anything other than what she is. he is genuinely disturbed by Nikolai’s ability to switch personas because it is so antithetical to her entire personality. Alina is the same kind of Lion Secondary that Katniss Everdeen from the Hunger Games is — someone who inspires an army and is ultimately used as a symbol and martyr by others for their own gains.

For her Primary I would also say Lion. Alina has very firm beliefs and they all come from within. She’s also got that lone wolf outlook that Lion Primary’s often struggle with. Repeatedly, she pushes people away and is intent on doing things alone. There’s also elements of the unhealthy Glory Hound Lion Primary, in that, as much as Alina is motivated by doing good, she’s also motivated by gaining power. Greed and power are such integral parts of her storyline. A Snake would claim they were gaining power to protect their loved ones, a Badger just people in general or maybe Ravka as a whole. But Alina gains power so she can defeat the Darkling and save the world. When she kills Mal, as much as it is to save the world, a part of it is also to gain power, for which she pays a price by losing said power. The very core issue in her relationship with Mal is the conflict between a Loyalist and an Idealist. For Mal, his main priority is Alina. For Alina, her priority is defeating the Darkling. 

Loyal and dutiful Mal Oretsev is an incredibly obvious Snake Primary. His entire motivation is centred on Alina. Everything he does is for her. He volunteers to hunt the stag for her, he deserts the army for her, he stays in the capital to protect her even though he hates it. “You’re my flag, you’re my nation” is a very Snake flavoured declaration of love. Mal is not in this fight because he wants to save Ravka or defeat the Darkling. He was completely okay with him and Alina escaping to Novyi Zem at the end of the first book and leaving Ravka to its fate. He commits to the fight when Alina does, and her cause becomes his cause. 

For his secondary, charming, likeable, Mal is a Badger. One of the first things we learn about Mal is that he can fit in anywhere and has no trouble making friends. Although he has a bit of a Lion Secondary Performance, at his core his a team player. He enjoyed the army because it was a community, and he’s at his lowest in the second book because he has no friends and no community. Part of why he’s much healthier in the last book is that he has a community again and a position within that community. In the White Chapel he can train and teach, and once they leave he has his own little team again. He falls into the leader role in the last book, not because he inspires loyalty the way Lion Secondary Alina does, but because he caretakes and looks after people. When they’re underground, and he constantly goes back to check on everybody and talk to them to make sure they keep up, that’s a Badger Secondary looking after his community. It’s probably not at all surprising that Mal has what @the-phoenix-heart has dubbed the love interest sorting. His priority is Alina, and he shows his love by following her and joining her quest, and in the end, sacrificing himself for her. Mal wasn’t going to die to save Ravka. He was sacrificing himself to save Alina. 

Nikolai Lantsov, whose entire motivation in the original trilogy is to gain the throne of Ravka to save Ravka, strikes me as more of a Loyalist than an Idealist. Either he’s a Badger whose community is Ravka, or a Snake who just has a very wide circle. Considering there’s no evidence of him dehumanising people, I would lean towards Snake. We later learn that part of why he wants to fix Ravka is a promise he made to a childhood friend who died in his arms, which strikes me as a very Snake motivation. An Idealist would be more motivated by the cause of helping Ravka, and a Badger would focus on Ravkans being in need of good leadership. I think much of his character arc in Nikolai Duology makes sense through the lens of a Snake Primary moving his priorities, as Ravka as a whole becomes less important and Zoya becomes more important. His primary was very difficult for me to accurately gauge because I think he actively hides it behind his secondary performance. Once we’re in his head, his motivations are very focused on the individuals he cares about. I think he and Zoya also bond over this Snake Primary that was let down by their parents and so transferred their loyalty onto Ravka as a whole. 

Initially, I thought he had a Snake Secondary. After all, Alina’s description of him being similar to a Matryoshka doll, always putting on different personas, is quintessential Snake Secondary. But when you actually look at how Nikolai solves problems, it isn’t with his charm or guile. Yes, he saves Alina by pretending to be Sturmhond, but they get into Ravka because he came up with a flying ship. In the last book, he saves the group because he just happened to have a secret military base he’d developed for a rainy day. In the Nikolai Duology, he literally came up with a plan for someone else to masquerade as him just in case he ever went missing. He solves his problems by pulling out some old tool or plan he’d previously developed on the off chance he’d need it. Total Bird Secondary. Now, Nikolai has a very good Snake Secondary model. It was something he developed in children to deal with his emotionally neglectful parents, by becoming whatever he had to be to get attention. But at his core, he’s an inventor, it’s what he enjoys doing, it’s what he does for fun, and it’s how he solves his problems. 

The Darkling, who views ozatskaya and even other Grisha as beneath him is a Dark Badger Primary. To the Darkling, only the Grisha are human, and even then he still thinks of him and Alina as above other Grisha. When parts of the Second Army turn on him he dehumanises them in turn. There’s an argument for an unhealthy Lion Primary, who believes wholeheartedly that all the terrible things he does are justified and he’s the only one who can save Ravka. But building the Second Army and Little Palace as a place the Grisha could belong seems to me like a Badger Primary looking to build his community. It’s also explains why he can kill all these people and feel no guilt whatsoever because to him they’re not really people. In the Rule of Wolves he even explicitly says that he whilst he values human life in general he does not value human lives specifically. 

The building of the Second Army is proof of his Badger Secondary. A skilled manipulator, he nevertheless uses genuine emotion and pieces of himself in the manipulation that I don’t think a Snake Secondary would find necessary. If you believe he did develop genuine feelings for Alina, then that would probably be a Badger Secondary who fell for his own performance. A Snake Secondary would probably have pretended to want a relationship with Alina without developing any feelings. His primary and secondary work together to explain why he was so affected by the Grisha turning against him. That’s his community, the community he built up from the ground, and when they turn on him he punishes them for their perceived disloyalty. 

Zoya Nazyalensky is a Snake Primary whose circle includes the Second Army and eventually the whole of Ravka. There’s an argument that she’s a Badger Primary who might’ve been a little burned, and she does treat ozatskaya as lesser than Grisha, but I don’t see the evidence of dehumanisation. Her reason for turning against the Darkling is that he killed her aunt, her only family and to her mind the only person who loved her. A Badger Primary might’ve been more motivated by him massacring Novokribirsk as opposed to a particular loss. Also, her feelings of failure are specific to her feeling that she failed her people — failing to stop the Darkling from killing her aunt, failing to protect the Second Army, failing to stop Nina from being captured. Throughout the original trilogy she’s burned. She’s lost her only person and so latches on to what is hers — the Second Army, Ravka, the Little Palace. She protects these things because they’re hers not because of any ideal. In the Nikolai Duology she unburns and opens herself up to admitting more people to her circle (or admitting that they’re actually in her circle and she does care about them). 

Zoya’s secondary was harder for me to pick. She’s definitely an improvisational secondary. We never see her making plans or being worried about being prepared, she just goes into dangerous situations and things work out for her. Snake Secondary in neutral state is possible. For the most part, she’s not particularly chargey for most of the original trilogy and could be a Snake that just doesn’t care. But she treats Nikolai’s Snake Secondary Model with awe and is, I think, too genuinely impressed by it to be a Snake Secondary herself. Lion Secondary makes more sense given that she’s a natural leader who inspires others more than makes herself likeable. The ending of Rule of Wolves also makes me lean towards Lion, since it’s her running headfirst to save Nina without any plan of attack and she doesn’t try to work her away around the situation like a Snake. She just runs straight into danger. 

Genya Safin, who wants nothing more than to belong, is a Badger Primary searching for a community. It’s why she stays loyal to the Darkling even after he destroys Novokribirsk, because he gave her a community and sense of belonging, and she believes these things are reliant on her loyalty and service to him. For her secondary, probably Badger too. Like the Darkling, she falls into the trap of believing her own manipulations and actually becomes friends with Alina. Also, the fact she spent years working on her tailoring skills seems like a Badger to me. 

David Kostyck, the quintessential inventor, has a glaring Bird Secondary. He’s the one who comes up with inventions, like the discs and the portable light, and is more comfortable in his lab than in the field. As for his primary, I think he might also be a Bird. He’s not a loyalist. If he was a Snake Primary then he probably wouldn’t have turned on the Darkling after Novokribirsk because Genya was still with him. He could be a Badger Primary who turned because of the massacre. But I think he’s a Bird Primary. He desires knowledge, not for the sake of power but purely because he wants to understand things. He strikes me as having a very decided morality. Merzost is bad because that’s a core Grisha teaching that he has adopted in his own system. 

Tolya and Tamar are harder to sort because they get less screen time. Tolya’s probably  double Lion, considering his concern with being honourable and his qualms with morally dubious actions. Also, his faith seems to me to be very felt and that is more Lion Primary. Considering his main role is as the muscle, definitely Lion Secondary. Tamar, who is totally okay with the morally dubious actions her brother abhors and, as of the Nikolai Duology, is in charge of spying is probably a Snake Secondary. Her motivations are less clear. Could be that she’s a Snake Primary who based her loyalties first of Alina then on Nikolai. She seems to be more attached to individuals than to any cause or country. 

In summary: 

Alina: Lion Primary/Lion Secondary

Mal: Snake Primary/Badger Secondary, Lion Secondary Performance

Nikolai: Snake Primary/Bird Secondary, Snake Secondary Model

The Darkling: Badger Primary/Badger Secondary, Snake Secondary Model

Zoya: Snake Primary/Lion Secondary

Genya: Badger Primary/Badger Secondary

David: Bird Primary/Bird Secondary

Tolya: Lion Secondary/Lion Secondary

Tamar: Snake Primary/Snake Secondary

#sortinghatchats #sorting hat chats #character sorting #tgt #the grisha trilogy #shadow and bone #siege and storm #ruin and rising #alina starkov #mal oretsev #nikolai lantsov #the darkling #zoya nazyalensky #genya safin #david kostyk #tolya yul bataar #tamar yul bataar

[jiminieloved]

Pt. 1 There are two schools of thought regarding when Jikook started dating. First and primary theory is INU era/2016. Most jikookers believe they became official following JK's coming of age. Second theory is 2017/ GCFt. Some believe that jikook became official in 2017 but could have/probably were engaged in not so platonic relations prior. I write this bc I find myself torn and want to have a discussion about it. There are things that lead me to believe both but both can't be equally true

pt. 2 In 2016 there is definitely a shift in how jikook interact. The sexual tension is palpable and we get many moments that IMO confirm at the very least intimacy: osaka vlive, graduation song JK sings to Jm, stares and etc. However, nothing signals couple more than their post GCFt aura. Even the members began policing their interactions. So, I am more inclined to believe theory 2 BUT I have a problem with thinking Jk and JM would be okay just fooling around with no strings attached..

Pt 3. Neither JM or JK seem like the type who would be okay with that sort of arrangement. I could be wrong, and that could explain some of the insecurity I see from JK prior to 2017. If there is intimacy with no label then one could understandably feel uncertain especially if internally they've defined the relationship. But, I do struggle with accepting the possibility that either would be okay with an undefined relationship but that could just be me projecting. So I am pulled to theory 1.

Pt 4. To sum it up, based on what I see and how I interpret it I am more drawn to theory 2, they started dating on 2017 but were intimate prior. The intimate "prior" part is one of the things that puts me on the fence. Based off Jikook's words and actions it's hard for me to see them engaging in undefined intimacy. However, that post GCFt aura which screams new couple + evidence of sexual intimacy in 2016 really makes me pause. I have more reasons for me being torn but your Thoughts?

I’m kind of hesitant to touch this one but since you took all the effort I will give you my thoughts. I’ll be answering in terms of a relationship shift, because we don’t know if they are in a defined relationship so I can’t speak to that. We do know that their relationship at some point took a turn from bickering and brotherly to tender and caring. And I have made some observations on this relationship shift in the process of making my timeline. Let me speak on some milestones we’ve observed, and how they might fit into the picture of their relationship. 

In March of 2015, Jungkook made a song recommendation which caused some heads to turn, especially from LGBT fans. Over the past few days he had recommended some extremely depressing songs, but this song was both depressing, and about an unrequited love for another man. It’s called “Memo” by Years & Years. 

To me, this marks that something in Jungkook was shifting, in his mentality, in his personal attitudes, and in his newfound love for LGBT+ artists and music (which would become more and more apparent in the future). It doesn’t necessarily mean that something happened between him and Jimin but I think it’s an important milestone, especially for our perception of who he was as a person. He didn’t let us in on too much in those days. 

As per Jimin’s mentality, I actually think that it’s hard to see as much as a shift because he’d been pretty loud about admiring Jungkook since the beginning. However, I think a good example of timing for the other members catching on to the depth of his admiration is in this MV reaction video.

Jimin keeps mentioning how good Jungkook looks, and eventually Hobi, apparently fed up, just says “think about that by yourself”. It is just an interesting thing to say. Not as huge of a moment but just a little detail that has always stood out to me.

Around this time, Jikook started showing up at the airports in matching, but generic looking outfits. It could be nothing, but it was interesting to me that around the same time of these ‘milestone’ shifts in mentality, they also started wearing matching outfits. 

The next big milestone for me, which I’ve already made a post about, happened in August of 2015. I remember the timing because it’s marked by Jimin fainting on stage at a fansign, though this probably (maybe) has nothing to do with the actual shift itself. Though... maybe it does, because the very next concert, 2 days later, Jungkook flirted with Jimin on stage, and Jimin couldn’t hold back his smile in response. 

Then, just a few days later, Jungkook gave another song recommendation, and Jimin tweeted a reference to the lyrics of the song with a blush emoji and a music note emoji in response??????????

The lyrics Jimin referenced? 

"I will pick off the stars and into your two hands, I will give them fully to you”

Receipts 

After this, a string of very interesting concert moments happened between the pair. I can’t help but to think something drastic changed. 

That being said, I do think there were more things that had to happen between the pair to arrive at the state they’re at now. 

That being said, just a month or so later Jungkook discovered and tweeted about Troye Sivan, and from there it was all downhill. lol

I can’t speak yet for what the following turning points were, but I think this is the most important turning point that happened in their relationship, maybe prior to 2017 and GCF Tokyo, because it was the gateway for all of the intimate behavior to start occurring in front of the camera. 

I think that behind the scenes things really changed in 2015, and it was a process of them coming to terms with whatever they are, and then becoming more and more comfortable showing that truth to the camera and the public. This was a several year long journey, and they are still on it even now. Things have surely changed behind the scenes between August 2015 and 2020, but I stand by my belief that whatever happened in 2015 allowed those other changes to slowly occur. 

I know this doesn’t directly answer your question, but I can’t tell you “Jikook started dating HERE because we don’t even know if they are dating. 

I am guessing you are hesitant about the possibility of an undefined relationship between the duo, maybe because of a cultural taboo or just a personal moral belief, but you have to understand that we really can’t just assume that they’re dating and state that as fact, and there’s also a lot more variables in their lives than there are in an every day relationship. I’m not saying they’re not dating, but it also wouldn’t shock me if they were undefined, or still are now. 

I absolutely can see them engaging in ‘undefined intimacy’ if I’m being honest with you. Jimin is a hopeless romantic, sure, but they were also mid-20s boys, and let’s be real, Jimin had been yearning for a loooong time. 

And I’ll tell you from personal experience as a gay person, undefined experimentation is pretty much a GIVEN for us when we’re figuring out our sexualities. Straight people don’t have to really think twice about ‘is what i’m feeling real? is it just a mistake? is it a phase? am i just fooling myself? will it stop being real when it becomes sexual?’ and 100 other questions. If you really do think they are dating, I can pretty much guarantee you they would’ve experimented with each other prior to putting any sort of label on it. With a few exceptions I’m sure, this is just simply how a lot of LGBT+ people figure themselves out, and I urge you to not view that as a negative thing. 

Anyway I’m not sure I said everything I want to but I’m running out of steam, lol. Hope this somewhat helped :)

#jikook discourse #anon #ask

[thedenimdentist]

Bleach Soaking my Warehouse 1001XX

Introduction

The proper way to wash selvedge denim (if you even believe in washing your denim at all) has always been a highly debated topic within the denim community. Since I first started wearing selvedge denim a few years ago, my beliefs, methods, and goals in washing my jeans has gone through a lot of the typical phases most “denimheads” experience. I initially never wanted to wash my jeans, hoping to get the most high contrast fades as possible. I never got into some of the more obscure denim practices, such as ocean washing or putting my jeans in the freezer to get rid of stench or “kill bacteria” or whatever, but I have played around a little with starching to try and achieve some of those SE Asian super crispy fades. 

Since then, my approach to washing my denim (as well as my taste in denim fades in general) has shifted dramatically. While I still can appreciate those super sharp, high contrast fades, I no longer really find them as desirable or visually appealing from a fashion perspective. They can be quite impressive when laid out flat on the floor or hanging, but when worn on body or worked into a full outfit, it just looks kind of bizarre and overly dramatic. That’s just my opinion, at least. There’s no “wrong” way to wash or fade your denim, so if that’s your cup of tea, more power to you.

As of late, I’ve definitely been more drawn to more classic fits and more vintage fades. Conveniently, this preference has also made wearing jeans much more comfortable and my washing practices much more hygienic! If you’ve been following along on my Warehouse 1001XX journey, you’ll know that this pair has been pretty much my daily driver for the past 8 months, and I’ve been washing them pretty much once a month (every 30 wears).

This time, at the 8 month mark (240 wear days), I decided to try something new (maybe even blasphemous within the denim community): I chose to bleach my denim. Not gonna lie, I was pretty hesitant and nervous, because I didn’t want to ruin a great pair of jeans I’ve invested 8 months on and am already pretty happy with how they've aged so far. However, I got over the initial fear and took the leap of faith, and am actually quite happy with the results.

Methods

I’m sure adding bleach to soaking/washing selvedge denim is not a ground-breaking, “never done before” technique to fading jeans. However, there is surprisingly very little information available online on how to actually go about doing it. Thus, I decided to give it a shot, and record exactly how I did it, as well as document my results for anyone else who may be interested in doing it themselves.

Step 1: To start, I just used the standard bleach I already had laying around for laundry: in this case, Clorox.

I’ve seen some videos on YouTube where they dump between half and the entire bottle of bleach into the bath tub to lighten a single pair of jeans. However, their goal was to take a standard darker to medium washed pair of jeans they found at the thrift store and lighten the hell out of em. I, on the other hand, chose to stay pretty conservative and only added about 50 mL of bleach to the bath. (I realize that 50 mL for an entire bath of water is fairly diluted, but as this is the first time I’ve done anything like this, I felt it better to err on the side of under-bleaching than over-bleaching.)

Step 2: I filled up my bathtub to about a finger length’s depth. (Clearly this is not a hard science, and everyone’s bath tubs are different. Nevertheless, I felt it necessary to give an approximate volume of water, as it affects the concentration of bleach added to the bath.)

Step 3: I then added the 50 mL of bleach to the bath and stirred the bathwater in attempt to evenly distribute the bleach. (I would've used a stick or something to stir the water, but I didn’t have one at the time. Instead, I just put on gloves and mixed it with my hands. (To be honest, I’m not really sure how necessary it is to wear gloves when touching bleach. I’m sure it’s not great for your skin, but the amount of time you're actually in contact with bleach is pretty minimal, especially it’s as dilute as 50 mL/an entire bathtub. But whatever. The teenage girl on YouTube told me it was CRUCIAL I wear gloves, so I did.)

Step 4: I completely submerged my jeans into the bathwater for 30 minutes, flipping them at the 15 minute mark. 

Things to note:

I left my jeans right-side-out for the entire 30-minute duration of the soak. My theory was, why bother flipping them inside out. What am I trying to do, hide the indigo-dyed warp from the bleach? Nah.

Do your best to lay the denim out as flat as possible. Not sure how critical this is, but people say you risk uneven bleaching if the denim isn’t super flat, and I’m not about to test their theory and end up with some ugly wrinkles or streaks on my jeans.

One extra step that I added was using a hard-bristle brush to scrub down the areas I wouldn’t mind some extra indigo loss (see photo below). I did this around the whiskers at the start of the first 15 minutes on the front, then on the butt pockets and honeycombs after flipping them over. 

Step 4: After the 30-minute bleach bath soak, I drained the bleach water from the bath, and filled it back up with plain water. I did my best to agitate and rinse out as much of the bleach water from my jeans as I could, and then flipped them inside out.

Step 5: I rolled up my jeans, wrapped them in a white rag towel, and ran them over to my washing machine. I then proceeded to machine wash my (inside-out) jeans on cold for 25 minutes, with the spin cycle turned off. (Note: turning “Spin” off does not mean the drum does not roll and tumble during the washing process. To my understanding, it just means it doesn’t spin quickly at the end to try and expel water out of your clothes (in this case, your jeans) before you pull them out to dry.)

Step 6: I hung my jeans to dry overnight. I sometimes hang them outside for better air flow, but I was lazy this time and hung them inside from a doorframe while blasting them with a fan. (I will note that, because the spin cycle was turned off, the jeans do come out of the machine dripping wet. I laid a towel down to absorb the bluish water drops and protect the hardwood floor.)

Results

I will preface this by saying that the results from this bleach soak are not all that significant. I would have loved to tell you that I’ve discovered the holy grail technique of achieving epic vintage fades, but I’d be lying. That being said, I’m in no way disappointed with the results! The bleach did bring up some of the high points in the fades just a bit, and definitely gave the color of the denim as a whole a bit more pop.

First off, here are a few side-by-side comparisons from before and after the bleach soak + machine wash. It’s a bit difficult to really tell what the fades really look like in the before shots (left), as they’re disguised by the shadows of the creases left from wear. The after photos (right) were taken immediately after hang drying flat, leaving just the fades clear and visible, unadulterated by shadows and creases.

Below are the standard views that I’ve been taking for all my post-wash updates. I just posted the side-by-side comparisons above because I thought it'd probably be helpful to see how drastic (or subtle) differences were in my fades immediately before and after the bleach soak.

Even with my Fuji X-T30, it’s difficult to really capture how the fades really look IRL. Thus, here’s a couple photos I snapped with my old iPhone 8 that I feel accurately depict how they looked after bleaching.

Man, so good.

On-Body

Lastly, here’s how they’re looking on body. Sadly, as always, I feel like my on-body photos never do my fades justice. There’s so much depth of color and texture to this banner denim, I just can’t seem to capture it from further away. Maybe I’m doing something wrong, but that’s why I always take so many detailed close-up shots—to best capture what I’m seeing in real life.

Conclusions

While very subtle, I am extremely happy with the results of this first bleach soak. The highlights in the whiskers, knees, train tracks, and butt pockets/seat pop just a bit more, and now I can even make out some visible honeycombs (which have always been lagging). In addition, I feel like it did remove just the right amount of indigo from the entire jean as a whole, bringing up some of the areas of deep indigo and revealing more electric blues. This Warehouse banner denim already had so much depth of color and texture, and I feel the bleach soak only brought out that character even more.

Is doing a bleach soak going to give you instant epic vintage fades? No. But are my jeans ruined forever? Not at all. Maybe bleach soaking isn’t for everyone. If you’re one of those people who are going for super high contrast, chunky, Southeast Asian fades, then no, bleach soaking might not be your thing. However, if soft vintage fades are more your speed, maybe adding some bleach to the mix isn't such a bad idea. 

All in all, I just wanted to document this experiment to prove that adding bleach to a raw denim soak isn’t as scary as people make it out to be. For those of you who may have thought about bleaching your denim in the past but were unsure of how much to do so or were afraid of ruining your expensive jeans, hopefully this will give you the confidence to give it a try, knowing the type of results you might get based on how my pair turned out. Just use your brain and think about what you’re doing and why, and you’ll be just fine. Like so many other strange techniques used to fade denim (most of which I find dumb or so obscure and not grounded in science, or even common sense), bleach is merely another tool you can use to fade your denim.

I’ll probably continue to bleach soak my denim occasionally moving forward. Heck, I may even try doubling or tripling the concentration of bleach to 100-150 mL next time, just to see what’ll happen. Cuz at the end of the day, they’re just jeans, so why not have some fun with it?

[nomazee]

scatterbrain

bokuto koutarou x reader

word count: 2200+

content: fluff, friends-to-lovers, pining bokuto, ooc bokuto.

(i’m in such a bokuto mood rn so i wrote this!! i did NOT expect this to get this long but oops!!

bokuto is probably,,,VERY ooc in this but this is really just self-indulgent fluff!! hope you enjoy! <3)

(also!!! quick reminder!! my requests are open!! my request rules can be found linked in my navigation which is my pinned post!! feel free to request <3)

☾.:°∗★.:☆:.★∗°:.☽

contrary to popular belief, bokuto thinks. he thinks a lot. granted, a lot of his thoughts are devoid of any deep meaning, like the possibility of taming a wild owl and keeping it as a pet, or the question of whether he should get two or three meat buns after practice. 

bokuto thinks a lot. he knows this. his mind gets very cluttered sometimes with various random topics. that’s why when his mind started becoming a cohesive conversation of one solid topic, something was wrong. very wrong. 

he started thinking about you. a lot. 

when he first realized it, he figured he should look into it--find out what caused him to have his mind flooded with thoughts of you, your smile, your eyes, your hair, your hands, your voice and nose and lips--

then he realized that he already knew very well why he thought of you so often. 

almost comically, he smiled to himself and thought, “well, i guess that’s that!” and resolved to never approach the subject again. confident as he could be on the court, bokuto was sure that if he ever tried to take action about his feelings, the result was sure to be disastrous. it was best to stay away from any fantasies of his. 

that was hard to do, though, when you seemed to occupy both his thoughts and his day-to-day life. 

you were in the same class--that was just his luck--and while you weren’t an official manager you had a tendency to stop by practice and watch the boys play while chatting with yukie and kaori until it was time to go home. 

(he also often walked you to the train stop. fate really made the stars align when he didn't want them to align.)

though, he had to owe it to fate for allowing your seats to be on separate sides of class. at the very least, he had that relief from the constant pressure he applied on himself absentmindedly whenever he was in your presence. 

during lunch, bokuto sped out of the classroom door and in a direction away from the cafeteria. you seemed to notice this quite quickly and darted to chase after him. 

bokuto felt a warm, firm hand on his shoulder and the distant scent of peppermint. he cursed himself for not walking fast enough and wondered if he could jump up with enough fervor to break through the ceiling. 

“hey,” you were smiling at him as you sidled up next to him. he was thankful he had your real expression right in front of him--the gentle image in his mind was fading by the minute and he appreciated the refresher. “where’re you going? i thought we were still eating lunch together?” 

right. lunch. eating. food. the empty feeling in bokuto’s stomach reminded him of the fact he’d skipped breakfast after thinking so hard about his feelings and what to do with them that too much time slipped away to let him eat something properly. 

“oh, yeah!” he forced a smile--”forced” wasn’t really the right term though, because with you everything flowed so naturally and so easily that he never had to force himself to do something. 

“i was actually planning on practicing a bit instead of going to the cafeteria.” your expression fell the slightest bit and he scolded himself internally for being the cause of even the mildest discomfort of yours. “i’m really sorry for not telling you! really sorry! i should’ve texted you or something. i’m sorry! but i’ll make it up to you if--” 

“bo!” your lightened expression was back and he, cheesily, melted at the sight. “it’s fine! i’m not angry at you. well, at least not for that. i’m just worried that you’re not eating lunch.” 

uh oh. his stomach didn’t feel that great. it felt like there were a bunch of wild, frantic insects in there that pushed and pulled at the tissue in an attempt to get out. he thought he needed to vomit. 

it was nice that you were worrying about him. you did that a lot. the reminder only made him feel lightheaded and briefly convinced that maybe it wasn’t a crush and actually just a really bad, persistent stomach flu that only flared up in the presence of the girl of his dreams. 

he spoke through a smile that he hadn’t even noticed appeared on his face so brightly. “it’s really sweet that you’re worried.” his words were hazy and lovestruck. midway through the interaction he stopped putting so much effort in hiding his adoration for you. he figured maybe you’d appreciate it one way or another, even if it was just to make fun of him in your head. “but i’m fine! no worries! i’ll make sure to eat when i get home, promise.” 

you gave him a nod, “promise,” and a quick wave and then you were off to the cafeteria. to eat lunch. would you be alone? when you both ate lunch together you didn’t really hang out with anyone else--as much as bokuto’s teammates offered to let you sit at their table, you were both perfectly content with just sitting in the presence of each other, alone. 

dreamily, his grin persisted on his face and his eyes grew glittery and unfocused before his lips dropped at another realization. 

you’d be alone. would you feel lonely? would you be mad at him for making you feel that way? 

he made it to the gym already by the time he realized that. maybe this time alone would let him settle his fluttering heart and compose himself so he could be conditioned to tolerate your presence more often without drifting away into a bunch of domestic daydreams. 

a sick feeling in his stomach persisted all through his spiking practice. it was less pleasant than before. his body temperature grew both from unease and the physical exertion caused by extra practice. 

maybe he really was sick. in one way or another. 

---

you showed up to the gym fifteen minutes into bokuto’s practice. the boys were still slowly getting ready, so you took the time to approach bokuto and hand him a small and weighty paper bag. 

“meat buns,” you told him, extending the package in his directions. “it’s not good to skip meals just to practice. you still have to eat!” despite the scolding tone, your face remained playful and taut in a smile. bokuto wondered if your cheeks every became sore from grinning all the time. as much as he didn’t want you in pain, he was willing to give you all the face massages you wanted as long as it kept you smiling at him so often. did face massages exist? were they a thing? he’d study the art of massage for you and develop a technique, whatever was necessary. 

“y… yeah…!” he responded dumbly. his was certain his face was unhealthily red as his body instinctively moved to wrap you in his arms. 

hugs were typical between you two. it wouldn’t be weird, right? oh well. too late to think about it, since you were already embraced in the warmth of his arms. 

“are you alright?” your voice came out muffled and gentle from the depths of his embrace and his heart fluttered at the way your voice rumbled through his chest. “you feel kinda warm.” 

he was warm? he thought you were way warmer than him. though maybe he meant that in a less physical sense. he couldn’t tell the difference anymore--not with you. 

“yeah, just kind of tired.” before he could ridicule himself at the fact that tired had no correlation to having a full-body flush, he continued to reassure you, “but i’m fine! i’ll make sure to take care of myself.” 

he felt your smile appear against the fabric of his shirt and wondered if it was weird that he was willing to die in that position. 

after a moment of relaxing in each other’s grasps (and ignoring the distant gossip of his teammates), bokuto pulled back with a grin, a nod, and the longing to press a kiss against your forehead. 

practice was good. it felt easier than it had been last week, though he probably owed that to the visit you paid him in the afternoon. he came to the conclusion that running from you just to “figure out his feelings” was stupid. he knew what he felt. he didn’t have a single clue what to do about it specifically, but thought that was fine. it felt good to be around you--he’d be stupid to let opportunities to spend time with you pass him by. 

---

apparently you sat with akaashi the day before, when bokuto was away from the cafeteria during lunch. he figured that out when he went to sit at your usual table only to find you accompanied by his setter. 

“bo! hey!” you greeted, pausing the ongoing conversation with akaashi. “i forgot to tell you, but akaashi’s sitting with us today. he sat with me yesterday so i just figured the three of us could start eating lunch together.” 

bokuto didn’t really think much of it. if anything, he was thankful that akaashi had kept you company and alleviated the ace of some of his lingering guilt from the day before. 

he had no qualms with having the duo become a trio for the period, and found himself enjoying the conversation floating between all of you. 

well. sort of. he didn’t really get to talk much with how exuberant you seemed to be with akaashi. it was nice to see you so happy and active with his friend, and the sight of your smile was enough to distract him from the unpleasant simmering of his stomach acid. 

for the most part. he had to excuse himself to the bathroom in the middle of class to splash cold water on his face and try to subdue the uncomfortable heat that was certainly not reminiscent of his previous warming adoration for you. 

despite how many times he urged you to go home early, you assured bokuto that you were fine with staying for his practice the whole time, ending your defense with a, “i really wanted to walk with you today!” and a smile that made him fall into your unintentional trap. 

true to your word, you walked to the train station with bokuto, boarding the same train. conversation was light and typical, but his leg kept bouncing and heart urged for him to say something before everything imploded under the pressure of his emotions. 

“are you dating akaashi?” great going, bokuto thought, the most discreet, subtle thing i could’ve possibly asked.

you blinked, and turned your gaze from your phone screen to him. you huffed out a lighthearted laugh and nudged your elbow into his ribs playfully. “of course not. we only really started talking yesterday. i wouldn’t date someone i barely know.” 

bokuto’s mind went on overdrive, the news coming as a deep relief for him and making him ignore the blaring reminders of potential consequences that flashed bright and red in his head. his mouth spilled words before he could logically think of what to say and figured letting his heart guide, as always, wouldn’t be a terrible choice. 

“so you’d date someone you do know? a lot? like a friend?” 

once again, his words weren’t discreet in the slightest, but he had tunnel vision pointed in your direction, covering you in a sheer golden light like you were the only thing that mattered in that moment--because you were. no need for detailed thought processes or pros and cons lists that he’d briefly considered making (“that’s what professionals do, right?”). 

your smile persisted, and he took that as a good enough sign to continue with his mindless stammering. 

though your voice interrupted his next outward train of thought, and he listened with the focus of a child watching a television screen. 

“what about this saturday? at noon? at that sweet little cafe near my house?” 

bokuto blinked. processed your words with an intensity unmatched, even compared to those times he had to write those stupid DBQs and analyze sources that were way too complicated for him to handle very well. 

you words were much easier for him to understand than college-level essays. much lighter, much sweeter, like agave syrup and orange zest. 

“yeah. this saturday. that’s… great.” 

bokuto wondered if it was possible to develop sudden onset asthma as you slid closer to his form, side pressed up against his in a way that felt much more meaningful than any casual touches from before. he lost his breath--felt like he dropped it--as you gave him a smile and let your hand casually fall against his. 

(he walked you all the way home, which he didn’t usually do, but today wasn’t really usual. you asked if you could kiss him, and in a fit of overwhelming emotions he blurted out “i thought i was supposed to do that?!” only for his words to be muffled by your lips on his. bokuto’s mind went silent for the first time in a long time, only filled with a gentle buzz and glimmering stars that made him feel warm and dizzy.)

#haikyuu #hq #haikyuu fanfiction #hq fanfiction #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #bokuto koutarou #koutarou bokuto #bokuto #koutarou #bokuto koutarou x reader #koutarou bokuto x reader #bokuto x reader #koutarou x reader #bokuto kotaro x reader #kotaro bokuto x reader #kotaro x reader #bokuto kotaro #kotaro bokuto #kotaro

[cptsdstudyblr]

Cults & Religious Abuse PART 2: So you’re in a cult?

If you don’t want to see this series, you can block #cptsdstudyblrreligion

tw// cults, religion, religious abuse, religious trauma, mentions of other types of abuse

PART 1: Q & A

In this post I will be speaking somewhat specifically about my experiences that led to religious trauma, so please be cautious when reading this post. The tips and resources are at the bottom and are bullet points, so feel free to skip to there if you aren’t comfy with the post itself.

Maybe you were raised in a religion, maybe you or your family joined a religion later in your life, or maybe you’ve gotten involved in a cult in some other way. But one day you wake up and you realize that you need to get out. But how? In this I’ll be sharing the basics of my experiences in a cult-like fundamentalist religion, how I got out, and some resources I think are helpful for people in similar situations.

Before I get into the details, I want to make one thing clear: I am not a woman. I am non-binary. However, I was raised a woman and that was a huge part of the way these experiences affected me, so I will be including that perspective in this post.

I also want to make it clear that I am not against religion in general or against people practicing religion. This post is not intended to attack religion as a concept, but to shed light on specific extremely harmful religious practices.

My family’s relationship with religion is on the complicated side, but I’ll briefly explain it for context. Both of my parents were raised fairly generically Catholic. My grandparents on my dad’s side are now loosely Catholic, but don’t explicitly practice religion. My grandmother on my mom’s side has since converted to protestant Christianity at my mom’s suggestion. My dad has been either apathetic or even hostile towards religion for as long as I can remember and rarely attended church with me and my mom, but my mom has always been religious. These are the primary influences in my life, as I’m not close enough to any other family members for their religious beliefs to have had significant impact on me. 

My mom is where it gets complicated. Although she was raised Catholic, she explored protestant Christianity starting a few years before my birth and quickly converted. For most of my actual childhood my mom was a pretty average protestant Christian. We moved a lot, so we attended churches in a variety of denominations, including several more charismatic and prosperity-gospel based megachurches, but when I was around 9 years old, my mom fell down a rabbit hole of Messianic Christianity through one of these churches, which I believe is where it all started to fall apart. Just to clarify, although this group of beliefs is technically referred to as Messianic Judaism, I refer to my experience with it as Messianic Christianity as I am in no way Jewish (and thus feel uncomfortable calling my religious experiences Judaism) and the messianic movement is harmful to actual Jewish people.

This move into Messianic Christianity pushed my mom to start rereading and reinterpreting the Bible and she consequently decided that she was not enamored with the teachings of the church we attended at the time. I strongly believe that her understanding of that study was also heavily influenced by the domestic violence and instability going on in our home at the time, as she was unable to connect to the overwhelmingly positive messages that our church preached. So, she moved us to another church. This was a church we had attended some in the past while trying to find a home church after a move, but hadn’t really stuck with, so it wasn’t an entirely new church. Because of this, I generally say that I attended this church from the age of 9 although we did not attend this church consistently until I was around 11. This church was a nondenominational Bible church closely associated with Grace Community Church in Sun Valley, CA, which is pastored by John MacArthur. I’d encourage you to take a look at the basic teachings of John MacArthur and of this church in some depth as they are already quite problematic. The linked article is really just one example of the kind of teachings that are prevalent here, and I’d encourage you to follow this rabbit hole as far as it takes you because it’s fascinating. 

The church that we moved to was extremely fundamentalist. Unfortunately, I’m not comfortable linking the actual church for fear of doxxing myself, but the teachings of this church are pretty much exactly in line with those Grace Community Church and the other organizations I will mention soon. This church also unofficially followed the teachings of the Institute for Basic Life Principles (IBLP). When I say unofficially, I mean that my church was not publically associated with IBLP, but they were definitely associated with IBLP in reality. And again, I’d really encourage you to browse through their website to get a feel for their teachings. However, as a basic summary, if you’re familiar with the Duggar family from the TLC reality show 19 Kids and Counting, they are members of IBLP and everything they teach was taught fairly similarly at my church. I won’t go into the details of what the teachings were, but they were about as fundamentalist Christian as you could come up with. Sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, abuse, etc. but turned up to 11/10. And it was a very closed circle. So how did I get out and end up where I am now - a bi-romantic asexual non-binary university student studying STEM at an incredibly liberal university?

It wasn’t easy. But I did get somewhat lucky. Unlike 90% of the kids at my church, I was not homeschooled after 8th grade. Instead, I went to a private Christian school - this was definitely still harmful and contributed to my trauma but it did give me opportunities to be exposed to people and ideas outside my fundamentalist Christian bubble. It also encouraged me to attend university, as it was expected of all graduates from that school. My dad wasn’t religious, and he and my mom divorced right before I graduated from high school. Additionally, my mom did encourage me to continue my education despite the teachings at our church. I’m not sure why she encouraged this, but she did. So I got lucky that things in my life pointed me in a direction of further education. And I got further lucky that the main school in my state is the school it is. It’s a school that is incredibly left-leaning and secular, and ultimately it pushed me extremely far outside my comfort zone.

I am extremely grateful for the opportunities that made it easier for me to get out of this situation, but I did still have to work for it. Here are my suggestions for surviving a cult-like environment and for eventually getting out:

Do everything you can to expose yourself to other ideas and beliefs. I assume that if you recognize you’re in this type of situation and want to escape, you already know that you disagree with the beliefs that are being forced on you at some level. But it’s important to further educate yourself where possible and figure out your beliefs. Figuring out what you believe and being committed to it is key in being able to stick to leaving your environment. If you know you disagree, but you can’t articulate why you disagree or what you believe and you aren’t committed to your beliefs, you will be very easy to convince that you are wrong and you will be very easy to manipulate. 

If you’re on tumblr reading this, you probably have access to the internet, so use that to your advantage. Research things, read articles, and involve yourself in discussions. If you struggle with internet access, you can read books, magazines, and newspapers at your local library and potentially even join clubs through your library or school. Not everything you learn has to be political or about religion. Reading and learning will broaden your horizons, give you concrete interests outside religion, encourage you to learn about things that make you uncomfortable, etc. 

If you are involved in a religion that has a text, read it critically and read nonreligious analyses of it. You don’t necessarily have to agree with these analyses, but thinking critically about the text you’ve been raised to take as complete fact will help you realize what you actually believe.

Find others who agree with you. In high school, I had a couple of friends at church who were “rebels” too, and we’re still friends to this day. We moved on together, and it really helped me be able to get out because I wasn’t doing it alone.

If you have to physically leave to get away, make sure you have enough money and have a backup plan. If you leave and are forced to come back for any reason, leaving again will be infinitely harder. If you leave, make sure it can be for good. It doesn’t necessarily have to be permanent, but if you come back it has to be on your own terms and not out of necessity.

Don’t get yourself kicked out and be safe no matter what.

Some resources I think are helpful:

Find an LGBT Center (US only) - LGBT centers are incredibly helpful for issues that go beyond being LGBT+, and if you’re eligible to use them they can be a great resource

The Trevor Project - LGBT+ resources and crisis lines

Tumblr post describing what to do if you’re homeless - It’s from Tumblr, so take it with a grain of salt, but it seems like pretty solid advice.

How to leave a cult - Very basic guide, but has some good advice.

Quiz to help you figure out your political beliefs (US based, but has some other countries as well) - I’d suggest taking this a few times as you develop your beliefs, and I’d also suggest clicking “more questions” as many times as possible in every category to ensure that you cover a broad range of topics.

How Ideology Colors Morality - about how morality frames US politics

Ethics - a good place to start when looking at different ways of analyzing ethics. My high school ethics class is a huge component in why I questioned my own beliefs. Ethics is an eye-opening topic.

List of all the religions - exploring different religions and belief systems helped open my mind to new ideas and ways of thinking about the world

If you want me to help you research something or find resources for a specific situation, feel free to message me or send me an ask and I’m happy to help (you can also ask me other questions, my asks and DMs are always open!)

And as always, if I made a mistake or linked a bad resource, please feel free to let me know so that I can correct the issue ASAP. I always try to do my research thoroughly, but things can slip by since I am but a human. Thank you!

#cptsdstudyblrreligion #cptsd #ptsd #trauma #religious trauma #religious abuse #religion #christianity #fundamentalism #ex fundamentalist #cult #ex cult #fundie #ex fundie #ex christian #christian

[lamortexiii]

Cryptic Mystic: In the End

To bounce off of the previous blog posting, I thought it would be fun to just hop right on into the topic of what happens after we die. After all, we just finished talking about souls and a bit of astral projection last time. From transcending to another place/dimension to reincarnation, there truly is a lot to cover when you start diving into the many beliefs and ideas that surround death and mortality/immortality. But what differentiates the scientific facts from myths and stories of olden days? For those who believe in one defined means to an end for us all, how do you know for a fact that what you believe is true? Have you ever questioned what is life after death? Hell, is there a life after death? Or maybe… it’s something else… something so obscure that our tiny human brains are nowhere near possessing the capabilities to understand it. In the end, readers can decide for themselves what is more likely to be true, or maybe… the answer to this cryptic question has been right in front of us all along? Maybe it is a combination of what we know but do not yet understand. Let’s talk shop, shall we?

Death. Happy for some, a time of joy and celebration for others, but likely a time of sadness and grief for most. Some welcome death with open arms, while yet others fear their mortality. The numerous speculations on what happens after we die is overwhelming. There are far too many ideas and beliefs that people hold in this regard. I’ll briefly cover a few of the more popular beliefs as to not make this blog super lengthy - because, ya know, your attention span and whatnot. 

Scientifically, there are two types of death: clinical death and brain death. Clinical death is characterized by major organ failure (e.g. heart, liver, kidneys, etc.) until the body is completely rendered of functioning and the individual is officially pronounced dead. In brain death, solely the brain stops functioning, but the other organs within the body continue to work within their normal capacities. Creepy fun fact for you: the heart can beat for up to 30 minutes on its own after all brain cells have died. Once the heart stops it’s adios amigo. The remaining major organs that were barely hanging on have now lost blood flow, and life has ended. More creepy death fun facts: the gastrointestinal tract can live on its own for up to 3 days, and the complete decomposition of a body takes roughly 30 years! Crazy science stuff. 

Now let’s take a look at some common beliefs and speculations of what happens when/after we die. Again, I want to remind you, readers, that in my eyes there is no right or wrong answer here. I am a firm believer in everyone having their own beliefs and respect all of them regardless of how obscure some naysayers may think that they are. I enjoy hearing stories from followers that help to further broaden my thought processes. If you ever have an interesting story or want to chime in with your thoughts please feel free to leave a comment here or shoot on over to Instagram and we can rap about it. 

The belief that we transcend to another realm/dimension has been around for thousands of years and has been studied for decades. There is a lot to uncover here between recent scientific discoveries and human belief. Many people believe that many other dimensions exist, however, scientific exploration hasn’t fully found the golden answer to if and what these other dimensions may contain if they do indeed exist. We know that Earth has at least three dimensions: space—length, width, and depth—and one dimension of time. Modern physics posits that there is at least a fourth dimension of space, but that we can’t experience it. Maybe we can? Maybe we do but just haven’t put a label on it? Maybe the odd phenomena that happen across the world that people describe as being ghosts, aliens, and other paranormal activities are actually from the next dimension or another. There has been speculation that extraterrestrials come from another dimension through a portal that is already here on Earth rather than from the sky (outer space). 

Give me an R! Give me an E! Hell, this word is too long and I’m not going to put you through reading a silly cheer for 5 minutes. Reincarnation - yet another commonly held belief of what happens when we die. For those of you who may have never heard of reincarnation, here is the quick and dirty version of the definition. Reincarnation posits that when we die our spirit/soul/whatever you want to call it, moves on to a new host. This host could be a human baby that is born the very second that you die OR you could possibly find yourself reincarnated as an animal, tree, flower, or any other living thing that you can find on Earth. Interesting concept indeed.

My favorite belief, that we go to Heaven or somewhere similar, is one that is believed by millions of people across the world. Wouldn’t it be nice to die and go to another world/place where nothing can do you harm, and just live out the rest of your existence in peace? Well, if you can believe it then it may just happen that way - or maybe not. I am fairly certain I have mentioned this in previous blogs, but religion can be thought of as a coping mechanism for that which we do not know or understand; the human way of putting a label on something to make ourselves feel better or like we are a part of something divine and much greater than us. Which, in all actuality, we very well may be a part of something divine and much greater than us, however, it is my personal opinion that we honestly have no fucking clue about the extent to which that is. 

Now, this next one I threw in here because I personally found it to be interesting. In 2017 I was having a conversation with a friend about mystical things such as portals, extraterrestrials, etc. My friend informed me of a research video on YouTube about a company called CERN. He described this Swiss company as having built a circular-shaped machine that when you throw something into its core it disappears. However, other items have come through this machine and into the room from… wherever the other side is? Basically, these people have created a portal and no one knows about it. You’re welcome for the information. Within this research video, the guy who was describing all of this stuff went on to talk about how China had gifted the statue that sits in front of the CERN building. This particular statue is reported to represent the end of time and hell on Earth. There is a whole mythical background story about this statue - you need to check it out. The irony between the statue and this machine they made is uncanny. It made my jaw drop. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I haven’t been able to find the YouTube video again, so I am not sure if it got taken down because the guy exposed something that was supposed to be secret, or maybe I just suck at YouTube searches. Either way, I encourage you to do some digging on this one, because this type of information could potentially support the whole soul/spirit transcending into another realm/dimension belief. I am not a physicist, so I could be explaining this all wrong. You’ll just have to check out their website for yourself and see what it’s all about. → home.cern

There is also the belief that when we die nothing happens. We are dead and it is the end of who we once were. This belief is often held by Atheists and some Satanists if we’re using labels. However, many people believe this who aren’t subscribed to a religion or don’t want to necessarily put a label on who they are/what they believe. This is the grim reality of our existence. Maybe it all means… nothing… Now isn’t that depressing. 

Then there are near-death experiences, which brings a whole different perspective into the mix. People all over the world have encountered near-death experiences. Many report shockingly similar experiences and stories. Some say they see a white light and follow it to a place of peace. I have heard people say that while they were legally deceased they found themself in a field of flowers or floating within the cosmos. A common theme found within these individuals is that once they have had their near-death experience, they aren’t afraid of death anymore - they welcome it with open arms. One woman on a documentary that I watched even went as far as to say that she didn’t want to come back from where she was and was disappointed when she was revived. These experiences could possibly support the theory of transcending to other dimensions or that there is a “heaven.” I can’t explain it, but I still find the information interesting to ponder upon. 

Our mortality is evident, but what really happens when we die? These are just a short collection of ideas and beliefs that have been around for ages, however, there are many more to consider I’m sure. What do you think? Or should I say: what do you want to believe? Ultimately it’s your choice. Whatever brings you peace, serves you well, and is the right answer for you is what I advise you to turn to. This flesh and blood will decay for each of us one day - it’s inevitable. It is for this very reason why I say live life to the fullest. Regret nothing. Do what best serves you. Do what makes you happy. Take chances. Above all else - be the best version of yourself that makes you happy.

Cryptic Mystic Blog by PsychVVitch

www.LaMorteXiii.com

#crypticmystic #lamortexiii #psychvvitch #lhp #thecraftyvvitch #black flame #luciferian #knowledge #asabovesobelow #pagan #wicca #occultfashion #occultblog #freedom #satanism #highermagick #the more you know #third dimension #witchcraft #livedeliciously

[pinehurst]

My Take on the First 3 Episodes

Let’s talk about Fugou Keiji for a second because I’ve been dying to talk about it. 

After waiting practically 5 months, the long-awaited third episode finally aired. I remember back when Fugou Keiji was first announced the hype over Daisuke took over the internet. Good looking? Check. Rich? Check. Parted black hair? Check. Nonchalant? Sign me up. I also gave into the hype; heck, who wouldn’t? He’s practically the whole package; my dream man so to speak. The Jumin Han of another dimension.

Disclaimer: This discusses the only 3 episodes out at the moment and as new episodes come out I’ll most likely just create new posts so everything here isn’t really definite so to speak? My theories and beliefs are just based on the first 3 episodes so they may not be the most accurate thing out there.

Disclaimer #2: This is me just rambling on so things may not be in the best order so please bear with me (it’s mainly just my thoughts on how our 2 main characters have developed so far and any theories that I have)

Once the first episode aired, I was absolutely hooked on both the synopsis and the characters. Two detectives working together despite having completely different beliefs? Imagine the drama that would unfold! 

Haru Kato, our main detective, would put his life on the line in the name of justice, taking extreme measures to uphold his humanistic values. The first episode heavily emphasized this idea. He insisted he take part in the entire bomber mission even though he wasn’t apart of the First Division. Ranks mean nothing in the face of human lives. Once he and Daisuke, the richer half of the duo, closed in on the van bearing the bomb, without any hesitation he jumped onto the van only to warn the driver inside, who happened to be a thief. This seemingly innocent civilian’s life was in danger: they had no right to die from a terrorist attack. He knew well of the dangers as there was only a minute left until the bomb detonated, yet his morals took over. If nobody is going to save her, he must do it. Would he have still done this if he knew that the driver was a thief? We can’t be so sure yet.

Even in episode two Haru’s traditional values prevail as he continued to pursue Isezaki, the smuggler in question, despite being exhausted and practically lifeless. The first two episodes really painted Haru as this character who is willing to go to the extreme and literally kill himself for the sake of others. His work method basically revolves around these old-school techniques.

Kanbe Daisuke lies on the opposite side of the spectrum though. He is far more materialistic and uses his wealth to buy his way through every situation. In need of a car? Just buy it from the prince of the Abura Emirates. A tower is affiliated with a smuggler? Just buy the tower and do whatever you must. He marches to the beat of his own drum, refusing to cooperate with Haru and even ignores his complaints. Haru is very clearly repulsed by Daisuke’s ways as he views it as though he’s cheating at life. Using money instead of working hard? Pathetic. Daisuke, on the other hand, just doesn’t seem to understand Haru’s views. Why go through all that trouble when you could easily solve it through a few million bucks? He doesn’t necessarily value human lives in the same way that Haru does either. As seen in the first episode, he almost ran over a mother and her son if Haru hadn’t intervened. But Daisuke’s character is far more complex in my opinion.

This is where my theories come into play. I suspect that something happened in Daisuke’s past that caused him to lose trust in others or even respect for other humans if we could go to that extreme. The series began with Daisuke playing the piano while saying:

“I had a father, and I had a mother. I believe I had a happy childhood. However, ever since a certain day, everything had changed.” 

This led me to believe that maybe possibly his parents died from a tragic murder or anything that would cause him to lose sympathy or care for others. Or any type of sad backstory for that matter. Maybe this is why someone of his rank and wealth even decided to join the police/detective force in the first place rather than selfishly indulge in his wealth.

Anywho, the first episode really helped build my theory. This is especially notable at the end as Daisuke is driving the prince’s car up the bascule bridge to push the cleaning van with the bomb. He smirks that devilish smile that we all swooned over the first time we saw it as the van crept closer to the edge of the bridge. Once Haru jumps out of the car to save the “civilian” inside, Daisuke’s facial expression changes to a much more soft, almost confused expression. A few minutes later when Haru is hanging off of the bridge, Daisuke watches Haru helplessly hang. He’s the one who decided to help the civilian, now he’s suffering the consequences. Why help him? 

Episodes 1 and 2 really helped to establish the contrasting personalities and mindsets between Haru and Daisuke, which I really enjoyed. The fact that our two main characters are as different as night and day made the show much more comedic, which I absolutely enjoyed! The subtlety in the expressions too: stunning. *chef’s kiss*

The third episode elaborated on their personalities and really added a sort of “depth” to them. Oh boy was this episode chaotic and full of new information. This is the episode where we see their first step towards true partnership, Haru’s backstory, and even met grammy Kanbe. Let’s dive into it.

The episode started off with Daisuke, Haru, and Suzue visiting the Kikuko, or Daisuke’s grandmother. As of right now, it’s still unclear whether Suzue is Daisuke’s fiancé or sister, but either way she was in no way the focus of the episode. Daisuke seems much more submissive towards his grandmother, a side of him we’ve yet to see. This is even prominent in the opening song as Daisuke is seen smirking alongside the other members of the Modern Crime Prevention Task Force (MCPTF) yet he has a much more neutral face around his grandmother. Is it out of respect? Quite possibly. He is much more composed (even though he always has been) and compliant, furthering my case. Back to my theory, maybe his grandma raised him after his parents died and that’s where his respect grew from. The possibility is always there.

It’s also noticeable that Daisuke seems much more irritated towards Haru as in practically any screenshot from these first few scenes you could feel the pique radiate from him. Daisuke even gave Haru the stink eye a few times before Haru ratted him out to his grandmother (harsh). Whatever happened in Hong Kong must’ve been brutal, but it really helped throw a curveball in their relationship. 

After that bop of an opening, it’s revealed that Haru is sitting next to a student facing lots of difficulties early on ranging from his sister’s bad health to failing his college entrance exam. Haru very clearly sympathizes with this kid as he also failed his first college entrance exam, and heck who wouldn’t feel bad for a kid going through this much stress? Imagine the absolute grief Haru felt when he found out that it’s that same kid who held a woman at gunpoint later on. When calling Kamei later on, Haru shouted:

“No! Don’t tell him. Absolutely not.” 

Considering his relationship with his fellow peers, we can safely assume that he’s referring to Daisuke. At this point, we know that Haru doesn’t trust Daisuke at all. Like not even a sliver. That rich boy help him? No sir. No thank you. 

This scene also unveiled the tension between Haru and the First Division. Haru and Hoshino are clearly not on good terms as they speak formally to one another, almost as though they weren’t partners a few years back. A flashback plays soon after and its revealed that all went downhill when Haru misfired and ended up wounding one burglar and killing one innocent civilian (who held a gun at Haru most likely out of fear; I mean, who wouldn’t be scared in such a situation). This ultimately led to his demotion to the Third Division. Lots of drama. Lots of tears. This backstory revealed exactly why Haru is unable to shoot anymore: his past trauma is to blame. 

Haru still clearly cares for Hoshino though. When he and Daisuke listened in to the First Division’s call line, Haru practically prayed that the perp wouldn’t get shot, for both the sake of morals and for his friend. His “friend” is mentally incapable of shooting anyone and the perp just “isn’t a bad guy.” Haru is revealed to be an even greater advocate of morality and humanism than we previously thought. Even though this college student was hosting a stand-off, Haru refused to believe that he was any less human and hoped to find a way to prevent him from approaching death’s doorstep. So, to answer the question from earlier: yes, Haru would still save the thief if he was aware of it. He values human lives to the point that the First Division had the audacity to say that he “has no right to be a police officer.” 

Daisuke listened closely to Haru’s wishes and worked to make them come true. He worked to find a way to bring the perp down without any bloodshed and practically did anything to conform to Haru’s wishes, ranging from allowing him to use HEUSC to setting off smoke rockets to prevent the perp from getting shot by the police. When the First Division chief insists that Haru shoot the perp, Haru is clearly hesitant. What if things go wrong again? No, why should he shoot him when he wants him to live? Should he just throw away his morals in the midst of panic? Haru is shown to try to reason with the perp and just couldn’t bring himself to shoot him. Maybe there will be some development in the future? Who knows. 

Daisuke later on bribes the perp by stressing he’ll pay for his sister’s surgery in order to resolve the actual reason he decided to host the stand-off in the first place. Daisuke obviously did it for the mission and maybe he didn’t feel remorse whatsoever (heck who can tell what Daisuke is thinking) but I have a feeling that as the series progresses Daisuke will start to do these acts of kindness not only for the case but also out of authenticity. The perp seems intimidated (possibly by Daisuke’s lifeless expressions) and gives in and the day is saved! The third episode formally wraps up with another unforgettable bop. 

The takeaway from the entire episode is that Daisuke started cooperating with Haru and even allowed him to use HEUSC. Was this because he had a change in mindset? Or was he just following his grandmother’s wishes? Personally, I believe it’s both but leaning towards the latter. Daisuke, as mentioned before, has a different kind of respect for his grandmother and would submit to her wishes. Since she said “don’t trouble your coworkers,” he decided to work with Haru rather than just alongside him. She also insisted that Haru help coach Daisuke, so once again, he’s following her orders. However, I do believe that Daisuke is rather curious about Haru’s lifestyle. They are quite different as a matter of fact. He wanted to understand how Haru could easily put his life on the line for other people and maybe even wanted to change himself. That’s unlikely considering it’s only the third episode, but that possibility is still there. 

But I strongly believe that Daisuke had a change in mindset, even if it may be small. He jeopardized his life and walked towards the perpetrator only because he trusted Haru’s words: “He isn’t the type of guy to kill.” Maybe Daisuke did this only to follow his grandmother’s wishes. Maybe he did this out of sheer trust. Maybe he did this to try to better his relationship with Haru (the chances are, yet again, a bit low). Nonetheless, he still put his life at risk and this was one small step in their partnership (and one giant leap for fangirl-kind). That’s not to say that their relationship isn’t still iffy. Whenever Haru starts to speak in the car, Daisuke just puts the pedal to the metal and drives off into the distance.

Personally, I enjoyed this shift in character in Daisuke in the third episode. I've seen many comments regarding how it's sudden that his character changed, but I felt as though it made sense (as explained above). I see where they're coming from as we were robbed from the Hong Kong trip, and it’s evident that something happened in Hong Kong that caused a shift in their characters; however, I felt as though the third episode put emphasis on the fact that Daisuke is changing whether it be by his free will or his grandmother’s, or both. 

In conclusion: I cry over pretty boys so much to the point that I wrote an entire review on them.

EDIT: So it’s been confirmed that we’re going to learn about what happened in Hong Kong in a drama CD. All I can say is yes

#i have nobody to talk to fkbu about #my solution: write an essay #harusupremacy #i actually enjoyed writing this lol #fkbu #fugou keiji #the millionaire detective #balance unlimited #fugou keiji: balance:unlimited

[reignsan]

The Prelatis show Richard the events of Zero via their illusions, hoping to demoralize him by showing him the ways it broke Artoria, since he’s the world’s biggest King Arthur fanboy.

Instead he proceeds to go on a huge joyful fanboy rant about how much he loves her and thanks the Prelatis for what they showed him.

Long post warning. Translated by You on Beast’s Lair:

AYAKA was horrified. Saber who usually had a lot of say hadn't spoken a word since the king in blue appear. There were no words of praise or gasps of surprise, it was almost as if she couldn't feel Saber's presence even if he was just across from her. The figure of the king who did not obtain anything, the king who was treated as a magus' hunting dog, who euthanized the weak of the edge of death, and at the very end betrayed when she was about to fulfill her wish. What was going through Saber's mind when he saw that? AYAKA had to speak, but she couldn't think of anything to say to him. However, beside AYAKA, the silent Saber raised his voice. "Francesca Prelati" Hearing that voice AYAKA reflectively turned. Saber's face was completely blank but she felt as though some glistened in his eye. Maybe it was her imagination or maybe they tears of despair from from the shock. But, it was the reverse. Upright, Saber gave this illusionary world a bow of the highest grade. "The person who edited this illusion should know the weight of king bowing to another." "Saber?" In front of the bewildered AYAKA, Saber spoke the words that echoed from his soul. "However, from the bottom of my heart, I would like to express my gratitude for teaching me this new heroic tale of the great Knight King!" Growing aware of the emotions that were bubbling up from his words, not just AYAKA, but also the Prelatis started showing signs of confusion. He was overwhelmingly... delighted. 　 If those were tears that glistened in his eyes, it seems they were from gratitude and delight. "Saber... what?" "AYAKA.... look at the Knight King... Don't you see a hero?" "Eh?" "As for me, Ayaka. I already know the legend of the Round Table, how the king is betrayed, how unreasonable things happened, how at the last moment she was worn-out and lost everything. But, I admire even those parts." As AYAKA tilts her head, Richard begins to speak slowly as if a boy talking about his favorite baseball team. "And its not like the other two kings denied the Knight King's answer in the banquet." "Eh? But, with that much shouting..." "Think carefully. It was just because Alexander the Great was angry. He never denied the Knight King's royal path. There was a lot of talk about her being a figurehead idol, but he never denied the idol herself. It's simple, he was saying "I'll acknowledge your achievements but I don't like it."" Far from distracted, Richard spoke much more calmly than ever and AYAKA said surprised. "Is that... so?" "This is second-hand from my mother but, "The king does not walk the royal path; the people who walk that path are known as the nation." Depending on the era and the geography, the nation and vassals' moods, morality and everything else easily shifts. That's why there's no right answer to that conversation, and above all, the three who participated are the ones who should understand that the most. We are trying to infer their reasoning, not determine how right they are." While grandly standing, Richard offered a joke to AYAKA. "Well, there was one thing our Knight King lacked compared to the others. Her voice was too small! I would approve and deny any king's intentions! After all, it's natural for who was born in a different land, in a different time to have their own royal intentions! But the guy who said "I was the one who was right!" at the end was strong. He reminded me of that Crusader, Phillip. Seeing this, the Prelati's voices became dyed in bewilderment. "Okay, I'm going there. Shouldn't you be more serious about insulting the other two kings or be in despair at Arto-chan to the point that your extra skin falls off?" "By the way, aren't you surprised King Arthur is a girl?" Erasing all emotion from their voice, they spoke with confidence. "Of course.. You already know." "The magecraft entangled with the true King Arthur... no, Artoria Pendragon's legend. You somehow reached it, didn't you? Looking away from the doubting Prelatis, Richard stretched his entire body. "I see. So that was really your goal. Do you want to know how far I've stepped into the history of the Knight King? I'm afraid to say I haven't been to the tower where Merlin's imprisoned." Then, his expression left his face and looked up at the sky in deep, deep thought. "Ahh... but that was really wonderful... Alexander the Great, Goldie, and my ancestral king... Everyone was a "King" beyond imagination." "Saber?" AYAKA spoke because she was worried. Saber was not shocked, but instead stopped moving and started monologuing. Saber slowly turned back down to her and said, "AYAKA" "W-What?" "AYAKA's determination... I'll accept it." "Eh?" In front of the blankly staring AYAKA, Saber spread his arms out wide, making no effort to hide his damaged armor. "One more time... I want our meeting to have had meaning." With a theatrical bow, Richard takes AYAKA's hand in one flowing movement. "I ask you..." The king and the girl standing in a solemn castle in the middle of a forest blended into the landscape with beautiful harmony. Just like a verse in a heroic tale told in many legends. "Are you my Master?"

[...]

Running to meet the materialized "death" that was filling the city, Saber's heart soared. -As legend, King Arthur was his ally. If he relaxed his trembling heart a little, he may shed tears of joy. Her actions deserved praise. Whether it was the thread from those she trusted or her own thread, she had re-spun it herself over and over, making sure the fluttering flag of our country would never break. The body moved unconsciously, clearing away two, three giant skulls. -Of course, if I had taken a different path, I might not choose to redo everything. His movements sped up as he cut down each skull. By the time he killed more than ten, he had already reached his maximum speed when he was fighting the golden Heroic Spirit. -But so what? Such a thing is trivial. That's just a difference in values. As Saber struggled forth, one by one the knights and archers that made up his retinue smashed into the surrounding giant skulls. "Without talk of morality, I'll praise your conviction!" He realized he was shouting. Unable to contain the overflowing thoughts, he shouted in delight as he ran up the hotel at high speed. "That's why I admire you! No matter how angry the Conqueror King! No matter how mocking the ancient Hero King!" Richard actually understood the source of the Conqueror King's anger. He was fond of Alexander but could not deny King Arthur's will. After all, the royal path the Lionhearted King walks is completely different from those three. That's why he celebrates. It is belief in the ideal the Knight King embraced that forms his chivalry. "I will affirm my chivalry, spun from my ideals, until it results in the fruits of my subjects returning to nothing. That is my tyranny; the poof of my kingship!" Richard asserts that he believes the Knight King's "sacrificing oneself for her ideals" is "tyranny" and proclaims it commendable. Hearing that voice, the police look on in wonderment. AYAKA lets out a big sigh, "how just like him," and smiles. "...But o' Great King Arthur. You've been worrying too much about one thing." Saber's face was slightly clouded as he stated his concern, and as if offering counsel to someone not present, recited his thoughts. "O'Ancestral king to mine chivalry! You have not noticed! The country the Round Table constructed, the Round Table destroyed, does not need to be remade!" "For King Arthur has guided us to Avalon!"

[...]

Having run up to the rooftop of the next tallest building behind the Crystal Hill, Saber gave himself a second to catch his breath. "My great ancestral king! I'll prove to you!" In front of him was a remarkably giant, jet black skull. It was made from fusing many of the giant skulls together. From its back bloomed an uncountable number of bones so it resembled Avalokiteśvara. In front of the grotesque monster, Saber had no fear and continued to carve praise for King Arthur onto the world. "The royal path you walked was never wrong!" Saber kicked off from the rooftop and soared high into the sky. "The pride and the royal path the Round Table left us is what created us. Their tragedy and ruin shaped our souls! The glory of humanity, chivalry, is eternal. It shall never fall. Let me sing that to the Round Table and yourself!" As he passed through the encroaching jet black flame, Saber fired a slash of light with all the power he possessed. "We who admire you have lain eyes upon it! O'Ancestral King Arthur please keep watch!" While singing the wish he carried at the top of his lungs. "I may have already lost my qualification but..." After a momentary self-depreciating smile came a shout studded in the radiance of a wish entrusted to someone he had not yet seen nor heard. "One day, someone who isn't me will finally reach utopia (you)! Ahh, yes! The history of planet you spun will surely deliver the place your body lays a peaceful breeze! And until the sound of that blessing plays -!" "With the Holy Grail's power - I shall sing humanity's victory song so that it even reaches the depths of utopia (Avalon).

#fate strange fake #richard the lionheart #richard iii #saber #artoria pendragon #ayaka sajyou #fate zero #iskandar #gilgamesh #francesca prelati #francois prelati #fate strange fake spoilers #fsf spoilers #king arthur

[writing-radionoises]

forgive?

ship: none, platonic father-son bonding with akutagawa and dazai

genre: hurt/comfort

prompt: akutagawa and dazai cope together

notes: more ada akutagawa.

mega tw for csa, child abuse, and suicide. they’re not spoken about in depth but this drabble is centered around dazai talking about his relationship with mori.

It’s been a few months since Akutagawa joined the agency.

Something that has never been quite discussed was this relationship with Osamu Dazai, it’s something Akutagawa never felt like he had to explain.

His and Dazai’s relationship was personal.

… But, mostly, that’s just a cover up reason.

His and Dazai’s relationship is difficult, complicated beyond belief.

It’s only gotten worse since Akutagawa did join the agency.

It’s like some underground reason between him, Dazai, and Fukuzawa, the secret that it was Dazai who hurt Akutagawa, who threw him on the ground, broke his ribs, broke his arm, pointed a gun at him, tried to kill him at least twenty different times and, and, and-

A lot of different things. Dazai did a lot of different things to Akutagawa.

Even after his apprenticeship with Dazai ended and Dazai left the mafia, he still used Akutagawa. He hung his approval over Akutagawa’s head for years, like dangling a carrot over a horse’s head so it’ll walk. And no matter what Akutagawa did, Dazai would never approve of him. He’d just laugh and walk away, call Akutagawa names, make fun of him.

And Akutagawa would never forgive Dazai. Even now.

Dazai knows that. He doesn’t seem upset, and Ryunosuke knows well now that it’s because Dazai knows he fucked up.

It’s been awhile since Dazai formally apologized, though, and Akutagawa refused to forgive him with a half-assed apology. Instead, they’ve both decided to draw a line between past Dazai and current Dazai.

It was past Dazai who hurt him and used him, current Dazai would never.

Akutagawa is pretty sure Dazai would take a bullet before doing that now…

It’s not a perfect relationship, they still have fights and bumps in the road, but mostly it’s developed into a father-son relationship.

It’s thanks for Dazai that Akutagawa even figured out his feelings for Atsushi.

And it’s thanks to him Akutagawa and Atsushi even became friends…

So, maybe it’s natural that Akutagawa feels the need to check in on Dazai while he sits in the corner of the training grounds, facing the wall.

They both have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, after all. Ryunosuke has had flashbacks, they’re never good, and it always hurts.

Akutagawa approaches him carefully, getting on his knees beside Dazai, though keeping a distance.

“Dazai-san, you’re not looking too good. Are you okay?” He asks.

Dazai lifts his head from his knees, looking over to Akutagawa, followed by a pained smile and laugh.

“Akutagawa, what’re you doing here?”

“Checking in on you, what does it look like?”

Dazai turns his head away, the pained smile still plastered to his face.

“Actually, I’m doing awful. Thanks for asking.”

Akutagawa glanced off to the side, trying to figure out what to say next.

His social skills are failing him.

“Do… You wanna talk about it?” He asks.

Dazai pauses for a moment, thinking.

“I’ve… Never done that before, but, I guess, if I were to talk about it with anyone, it should probably be with you…”

“Is it mafia related?”

Dazai nodded, dropping his knees from his chest and instead sitting criss-cross applesauce. His hair is messy, the ends of his hair was wet from crying, eyes red from the same thing. His shaking has subsided, though, which is a good thing.

“Do you know anything about what happened to me in the mafia?”

Akutagawa nodded a no.

“Good…” Dazai mumbled, “It wasn’t fun. It was awful. I don’t know how to talk about it…”

Akutagawa sighed, brushing a piece of his hair behind his ear, “Then let’s start with this. Why did you join the mafia?”

“... I was basically kidnapped into it. I never really knew my parents, I was passed around from a lot of different people since I was young. I assume my parents were apart of the mafia as well, as I was passed around between mafia members mostly. I was an unofficial member of the mafia most of my life, I received training and all that other bullshit from the age of nine,” Dazai began to explain, “I developed suicidal tendencies from there, the training conditioned me to be ready to die at any moment, to give my life to somebody else. It backfired on them, because I found myself wanting to kill myself to avoid the violence and bloodshed of the world around the age of ten.”

Akutagawa nodded understandingly, the background wasn’t surprising. He’d seen this happen to other children, it’s not uncommon for children to be born into the mafia, either.

“Then… How did you formally join the mafia?”

Dazai smiled a bit, looking off to the side, “I kept trying to kill myself, they were unable to put me in a psychward because of the information I held. So I met Dr. Ogai Mori, an underground doctor at the time. It was a mistake, he was a homicidal maniac, a manipulative piece of shit… He used my suicidal tendencies as a way to climb up to the top. He took me, age fourteen, with him to meet the former boss, and I watched him slaughter him. He used me as insurance, to get him to be the new mafia boss. In hindsight, it was good he did decide to kill the former mafia boss, but… Mori is no better.”

Akutagawa’s eyes widened, nodding along with Dazai story. He could tell this was likely the first time he had never said something like this to another person, he kept fidgeting with the buttons on his coat.

“... Mori is a pedophile. I’m sure you’re aware of that, right?”

“Yes, I’m well aware,” Akutagawa, “That why I used to tell Gin to stay away from him.”

Dazai chuckled a bit, “Clever, but you probably didn’t need to do that. I was fourteen at the time, correct? Well, when his plan fell through as I never ended up successful in killing myself, he ended up resorting to other methods… He groomed and manipulated me, abused me. Don’t imagine it, I don’t want you in the same state I’m in, but physically he did just about everything I did to you, but much worse. A doctor knows exactly where to hurt you without it being fatal, it’ll be the most painful experience of your life, but you won’t die…”

Akutagawa frowned. He took Dazai’s advice, not imagining it, and trying to avoid the thought of Mori standing above Dazai, who is in a pool of blood.

“... I hesitate to talk about this. I’ve talked about the physical side of things with people like Odasaku and Fukuzawa, Fukuzawa knows most of the crimes Mori has committed… But I never did get the chance to tell Odasaku about the sexual parts of the abuse,” Dazai explained, his voice getting quieter.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Akutagawa answered, “But sometimes it’s good to get things out, especially if you’ve never talked about it. I can promise you I’ll never tell anyone.”

Dazai ruffles his hair casually, “I know, Akutagawa. You’re a good kid, you’d probably take this secret to your grave.”

“If you asked, I happily would.”

Dazai takes a breath, running his hand through his hair as he continues to speak, “... I’m not gonna speak about it in detail, but he assaulted me on many different occasions, usually after he had beaten me up so I couldn’t fight back. I don’t usually get upset by it anymore, I’ve blocked out most of the memories, but sometimes I still remember.”

“Is that what you remembered today?”

“... More or less. I have constant reminders pasted all over me, whether or not it triggers me depends on the day,” Dazai replied, slipping off his tan jacket and beginning to roll up his sleeve.

Dazai began to unwrap the bandage on his right arm, the white fabric falling away to reveal dozens of pale white scars. Some were messy vertical incisions, if Akutagawa had to guess, they were self inflicted, versus the neat and clean horizontal ones more towards Dazai’s upper arm and shoulder.

… What I went through is nothing compared to what happened to Dazai. I don’t really have an excuse to be so upset over what he did to me, Akutagawa thought. It was a bad thought, he knew better. Atsushi told him better, his therapist told him better. There was no need to compare trauma with Dazai, but sometimes, he just couldn’t help it.

So caught up in thought, Akutagawa barely noticed Dazai beginning to shake again as his eyes ran over each scar, muttering something.

Muttering the situation each scar came from.

Akutagawa, desperate to bring his former mentor back into stability, took the bandage Dazai dropped and began to wrap it around his arm again.

“You don’t need to remember that anymore,” Akutagawa replied, reapplying his calm facade as he continued his work, “It’s in the past. It was awful, it hurt a lot, but you’ll never have to face it again.”

Dazai visibly relaxed as Akutagawa finished applying the bandage, rolling down his sleeve as Dazai then pulls Akutagawa into a hug, Akutagawa’s head against his former mentor’s chest. Ryunosuke relaxes against the other, Dazai brushing through his hair with his fingers, likely as a distraction.

“Akutagawa.”

“Yes?”

Dazai smiles a bit, “Past you would’ve just ignored me, brushed off me sitting in the corner as just me being silly, but instead you approached me and made sure I was okay.”

“Yes, and?” Akutagawa questioned, raising a brow.

“You’ve come a long way,” Dazai replied, “And I’m proud of you.”

Akutagawa pauses, feeling tears begin to well up in his eyes as he brushed it off and buried his face in Dazai’s chest again.

He’ll never forgive Dazai for what he did.

And he’ll never forgive Mori, either.

… But Akutagawa can’t lie. He’s pretty happy all of those awful, awful things led to this moment.

#tw csa #tw child abuse #tw suicide #bsd #bungou stray dogs #akutagawa ryunosuke #ryunosuke akutagawa #osamu dazai #dazai osamu #bsd akutagawa #bsd dazai #writing #writer #writers #fanfiction

[darkestwolfx]

Lost Kingdom - Re-Review #34

“Lesson over.”

And once again, Kayo is seemingly perfect... @tsarinatorment​ and @psychoseal​ is it time for some more rants? I think so. I’m sure Tin-Tin would have been quite capable at holding her own in TOS, and I also think Gordon would be a little better at physical combat. But hey, this is only like forty seconds of the episode, so I will move on.

“I wonder if Kayo’s finally met her match.”

“Guess not.”

Just to say, I was so voting for MAX - seriously, I have faith in this robot. Does no one remember him in ‘Legacy’? I’d have MAX for a guard dog any day.

“I’m detecting structures down there. They seem to be man made.”

“Want me to get Virgil?”

Why, Alan? So he can go in and do some heavy lifting? In fairness, there had to be some kind of reference to him because um... where is he? Anyone want to hazard a guess? 

“The World Council Emergency conference just ended, and the archaeologists agree, it is the lost city of Atlantis.”

“Imagine that. A city reappearing after thousand and thousands of years.”

“If it’s been buried under water for that long... there won’t be much left that’s worth seeing.”

Oh my gosh, I love the story of Atlantis! Literally, other than animal conservation, Ancient/Classical History was one of my favourite topics.

Anyone else love this film? Apparently it’s one of the most loved Disney films, but also most forgotten. Bit of trivia for you as well - it was the only Disney film to have ten proposed DVD covers, all of which were released as promotional posters, but of course only one made it onto the DVD. However, the German and Chinese distributors for the DVD chose to use different posters for the DVD cover (both of which only saw distribution in these countries) whilst the rest of the world copied the British/American choice. Personally, I preferred every other poster to the one they used the DVD, but hey, they didn’t give me a vote.

And, okay, yes, I won’t admit to knowing everything, but I do know a lot about what other people might class as pointless.

Anyhow, back to Thunderbirds;

“I’ve got a feed coming in. You need to see this.”

“This is Francios Lemaire, bringing you lucky viewers, yet another chance to watch me make history! And here we are, on the bridge-”

“Control room.”

“Control room- of my luxury sub, the Jules Verne, from where I’ll be bringing you footage, of the very first human - that’s me - to explore the legendary, lost city of Atlantis!”

Oh look, here we go!

As soon as that music started I just who it was going to be. 

Madeline is perfectly describing my feelings on Francois for this episode in this picture. I think - by the look of the faces we got from Tracy Island - that she describes what the Tracy boys feel as well.

“I order you to leave the area.”

Yeah, Lady Penelope, you tell him.

“Alright, alright, I was only trying to bring a bit of culture to the masses.”

Probably not the right way to do it.

“Your submarine’s in a live sea quake zone, Mr Lemaire, I strongly advise you to leave as fast as you can.”

“What is this? The International Rescue Babysitting Service!”

Um... considering your past record... yes?

Anyone remember the birthday party in the Mariana trench?

“I’m well aware of my location, thank you.”

Um, was he drinking whilst driving? Yeah, that’s a great thing to teach the masses.

“Francois, that’s re... uh.”

“Oh dear. Silly goose. Why didn’t you tell me I was in the wrong gear?”

Probably why you got the wrong gear, mate... Time to call the International Rescue Babysitting Service, d’you think, Lemaire?

So, anyhow, thanks to Lemaire’s stupidity - we have a rescue! And it’s one for Gordon - the water kind of gave that away - and oh look, Virgil (wordlessly) runs across the scene and gets ready to go. Really, where was he?

Still, I think I would have lost my patience with Lemaire by now - and damn ethics, I might have been tempted to ignore him.

“Hello, how much longer do I have to wait?”

“It’s only been half an hour.”

“I’m bored.”

“Patching you through to Thunderbird Two for an update.”

Ha-ha, way to pass Lemaire away from you John!

“We’re coming too!”

I can hardly believe it! It’s Brains, willingly going on a rescue, in person!

“I’ll tell you what’s crazy, Brains. Us chasing Lemaire through an active sea quake zone!”

Why is that man such an idiot? He really didn’t even need IR. Next time definitely just leave him, I vote.

“It’s breathable air.”

“It better be, look!”

And Lemaire’s idiotic streak increases...

So, here we are - apparently. There are many proposed locations for Atlantis (the first map below is Europe, the second is a wider view of the world), with many still in dispute. For a long time, it was believed that Atlantis being near Santorini made sense. In fairness, when I stayed in Crete, I had a lovely tour with some locals who tried to show me all the reasons why Atlantis had been near them. Actually, their argument (especially in their native language without the typical English mis-translations) is quite convincing. Crete does have massively similar architecture to that suggested in the Ancient Greek depictions of Altantis. It was argued that these could have been built at a much later stage, but the stone dates back far enough to suggest not. Whether or not Atlantis did sit near Crete, it is fair to say (especially as both were inhabited by the Greeks) that maybe the Atlantians did have a part of their Empire there.

Later, theories rose that Atlantis had previously filled a gap in the Straits of Gibraltar, and Island separating Spain and Africa, and potentially offering connections between continents. This was initially met with much annoyance by Greeks, who believed that Atlantis (an ancient Greek Empire) couldn’t have sat so far away from their own homelands. But, at the time, it was really only Greek and Italy who had big plays across Europe, and the Atlantians were rumoured to have waged war or conquered a considerable amount of the country in Greek’s name. The Straits also make a lot of sense scientifically and geographically. Although the Greeks believed (at the time and still now) Poseidon to be responsible for the sinking of Atlantis, we know that it had to have been a combination of earthquakes and/or tsunami’s which brought down this great empire, and the Straits of Gibraltar sit directly on a tectonic fault line which has led to a subduction zone (so sea quakes would be of great possibility - so I’m assuming TAG have gone with Gibraltar as a setting here) which has now been active (that we know of) from the 1700s - seems likely to be it was active before too.

You can read more about that here if it is of interest to you: https://www.livescience.com/19656-gibraltar-subduction-zone.html

Of course, many take the belief that Atlantis was a fictional story of Plato’s, whilst other’s take the belief that it was the end of the ‘last great ice age’ which caused the disappearance of Atlantis (due to flooding, sounding familiar?), but Plato’s descriptions, whether believed or not does suggest that Atlantis built connections between Africa and Europe (later working into the Pangea theories) and that the sea delves further than we know;

“In the Atlantic there was an island, larger than Libya and Asia put together, and was the way to other islands, and from these you might pass to the whole of the opposite continent which surrounded the true ocean; for this sea which is within the Straits of Heracles is only a harbour, and the surrounding land may be most truly called a boundless continent. Now in this island of Atlantis there was a great and wonderful empire which had rule over the whole island and several others, and over parts of the continent. She was pre-eminent in courage and military skill, and was the leader of the Hellenes. And when the rest fell off from her, being compelled to stand alone, after having undergone the very extremity of danger, she defeated and triumphed over the invaders, and preserved from slavery those who were not yet subjugated, and generously liberated all the rest of us who dwell within the pillars. But afterwards there occurred violent earthquakes and floods; and in a single day and night of misfortune all your warlike men in a body sank into the earth, and the island of Atlantis in like manner disappeared in the depths of the sea. For which reason the sea in those parts is impassable and impenetrable; and this was caused by the subsidence of the island. ”

Plato’s final passage on Atlantis, as it sits translated from direct Greek (thus ignore any tense errors - they are intended).

Plato’s impenetrable and impassable ocean theory would fit with the territory of high seismic activity too - which does suggest Gibraltar as a decent proposal, especially as Plato seems to know the Straits by another name, but the same land mass.

Okay, I’ve now ranted on about Ancient history enough, I think (although it is another reason why I love this episode), and I honestly do still have such a soft spot for the history of Atlantis. Maybe one day I’ll change careers and become a historian, but for now I’m happy with my mission of trying to limit extinction and global disasters. If anyone wants any more knowledge on Atlantis, just ask and I’ll put it in a separate post - this one is going to be too long otherwise, and is meant to be about something else.

You can definitely see where they took their inspiration from. I seriously adored all the behind the scenes footage for this episode. Go and look at it for yourself, the detail they put into it all makes it worth it.

“Look at those shapes. This was definitely built by Mer-people! Start rolling. I’ll do a piece to camera.”

“You grabbed me, we ran. I don’t have the camera with me. And we shouldn’t be in here!”

“Mr Lemaire, you’re putting yourself and your wife in danger!”

Yeah, I don’t think he really cares Gordon, she’s just his glamorous assistant and biographer after all - wife is actually quite far down the list.

“Would you order MAX to assist Mr Lemaire from the area?”

“That won’t be necessary!”

Scared of a robot, are we now, Lemaire?

See, just saying MAX could have totally taken Kayo. In my opinion.

“We’re trapped and Thunderbird Four is on the other side. Is it still in one piece?”

“I’m picking up full readings.”

Hell, it better be! You only just rebuilt it in the last episode! Goodness, imagine that all over again.

“Hello Gordon.”

“Lady Penelope!”

“Aren’t you lucky that I was around to come and dig you out of trouble.”

“I’m even happy to be rescued by a Lady in a pink submarine if it gets me away from Lemaire.”

So don’t go knocking it Gordon! She could easily turn around, you know. And just say you’re happy to see her, Gordon! Goodness these two could have been together long ago if they weren’t both so stubborn (and Gordon a little silly).

“He is one royal pain in the-”

Language! You’re talking to a Lady (and an audience group consisting of children), Gordon! I think we can all agree with the proposed end of that sentence though. Lemaire is.

“Do not fire a missile at my submarine!”

Yeah... point proven, again, I think.

“Final proof that Mer-people exist!”

Did anyone mention yet that meeting a mermaid is Gordon’s dream? Just because, he doesn’t seem too excited about that prospect here. Brains on the other hand, he can die a happy man now.

“We’re going to rebuild it in the assembly hanger, full scale!”

Nice reference to the selfie-stick in this episode, which was at the time, brand new, of course. I am still bitter that said word has made it into the Oxford Dictionary - seriously, they dropped the level of the game by letting that in.

“Parker loves playing pinball, don’t you Parker?”

“Not when hI’m the ball, M’Lady.”

We’re really learning a lot about Parker’s free time lately - pinball and complaining about the weather... hmm, interesting.

It was a nice way to end - showing everyone going out to the pool - good to see them making use of that thing!

#Thunderbirds are go #Lost Kingdom #Re-Review series #Darkestwolfx #John Tracy #Gordon Tracy #Lady Penelope #Parker #Brains #MAX #Francois Lemaire #Atlantis #CITV #ITV #TAG #scott tracy #virgil tracy #Alan Tracy #Kayo #Thunderbird Four #Thunderbird Five #Behind the scenes #lost city #atlantis the lost empire #straits of gibraltar

[amelia-pinches]

a very long rant about Patricia Williamson

I also have something written about the overall thematic themes for each season and their significance that I was gonna post first, but I can’t finish it because my mind keeps going back to this.

Before I begin with all the negatives I have to say about what the writers did to her, I would like to state that she is my favorite character. Patricia was the first character that I truly resonated with as a kid, and I still do to this day. However, I can’t ignore how her character development was cut for plots sake, and how so much of her personal story is so incomplete. I feel like the writers used her as a leg to lean on whenever they needed drama, or a simple fix. Granted, she has more backstory than other characters like Fabian or Amber. Nonetheless, for Patricia, something about her personal story feels off to me. Maybe it's because I see myself so much in her that I have a personal bias for her closure, but I like to think I am so invested because I feel as if she had so much unused potential. 

Starting off with S3, we see a new Patricia compared to the previous seasons. Her hair has changed, and her style seemingly has matured  HOA has used a style change to symbolize a personality shift. In S2, Alfie acknowledged his style change representing a personality change, as he stated it was a new year for a new Alfie. Granted, he said he changed his style for Amber, but I think he changed it to feel better about himself. Getting Amber gave him the confidence he didn’t necessarily have before, and in S2 we see him standing up for himself more often than he did in S1, and he was more assertive in S2 compared to S1. In season 3, Joy said the reason for her style change was for the same reason: to find a new Joy. In fact, Joy’s style change was an important part of her arc in S3. She was letting go of her old self, and really letting go of the past she desperately tried to recreate in S2. She updated her style -”its Joy, but a new Joy”- and her style was a reflection of her personality shift; Joy, but matured. 

Yet, with Patricia, we didn’t see that change that should have happened. If anything, her personality regressed to S1. I personally don’t think that Patricia at the end of S2 would have treated KT with such cruelty that she did; I definitely think that she would have not liked her and her jealousy could have caused some rude comments. It is S1 Patricia that would have had no issue treating KT how she did, but S2 Patricia would have held back. S1 Patricia was angry, and in S2, we see her less angry and more reserved. I like to think that after the events of S1 and throughout S2, she rethought her beliefs and morals. In S3, we should have seen her act on these new found morals, but instead she resorted back to that anger from S1. I remember watching S3 and waiting for that moment where everything clicks, yet that never happened.  We never got an explanation to her any of her behavior in S3. We know she is extremely jealous, but why? Jealousy has its roots with deep seated issues. I don’t believe her jealousy is caused by not trusting Eddie, but rather something internal. I’m pretty sure that its been accepted due to her feeling inadequate in her family life which transfers to every other part in her life. Only problem is we never get any actual confirmation to this. We don’t get much confirmation about her character in the show actually. We know what we can assume, but it's still up for debate. Patricia’s character fluctuates so greatly that it's so hard to pinpoint who she is, or what she wants. 

Throughout the show, Patricia is disconnected from everyone else around her. Even when she does connect, it's not really a full connection. The only time where I think where she had a true vulnerable connection with someone is Alfie in S1. Other than that, all of the other instants where she is supposedly connecting with someone, she is still holding back. There is always a wall between her and everyone else. While Eddie does break a majority of those walls, he still hasn’t broken all of them. They never have a point where they talk about all of their problems and resolve them. I would like to note that I am a huge Peddie fan, and it is my OTP, however it does a lot of issues that I can’t ignore. Communication is Peddie’s weakest area, but there was no shown effort in resolving it. They don’t sit down and try to listen to each other or just say what's wrong, despite how hard it is. They have a couple of cute one-liners, but that still doesn’t fix the root of the problem. Then with Joy, their relationship starts to slowly drift apart in S2. Joy is trying to overcompensate for the previous year, and Patricia doesn’t know how to comfort her in a way that was needed. Consequently, red flags were ignored, and their friendship began to dissolve. Thus in S3, it is so obvious that they are no longer best friends, and they are just friends. Nevertheless, I have the feeling that even before the start of the show, Patricia didn’t 100% connect with Joy. Yes, they had great chemistry (and probably were gay for each other on some level), but Patricia held back. After all, Joy didn’t know Eddie was Patricia’s first kiss, which tells me that Patricia never talked about personal things like relationships. Joy knows Patricia very well, but that wall is still there. 

We also never really get to see Patricia shine, per se. Yes, she had some important moments, but those were all in support of the plot. Even with Eddie, her part felt more like aid to his character development than hers. I really wish we got to see a moment where she was the main focus, even if it was a small moment. The show has all this buildup for her own moment, and it never happens. With the moments that are supposed to be “hers”, they fall flat or are so lackluster that they are barely anything.  All of her moments are for support of other characters. She mainly stays in the back, hidden unless she is needed. I think the best example of this is her relationship with Piper. It was resolved so quickly without going into detail about anything. (I’ll go into how the Piper-Patricia story-line was so undeserving and unimpressive later.) I feel like the drama with Piper was merely there so it could transition to Eddie’s secret being exposed. Basically, the parts where it should be about her and her character are misused in order to fulfill a plot line, rather than to fulfill herself.

I want to address the whole Patricia-Piper thing. I don’t know what to call it to be honest.. Aside from the fact how their relationship dynamic would have been great for Patricia’s character, their relationship dynamic should have been in the show simply because it would have been something people could have looked up or related to. I don’t have siblings, so sibling relationships confuse me to death. Still, they intrigue me tremendously. Youtuber, Ladyknightthebrave, talked about Hollywood's depiction of siblings in her video essay about Fleabag (I strongly recommend watching this if you have seen Fleabag because honestly it's so great). In it she describes how Hollywood loves brother-brother or brother-sister relationships, but sister-sister relationships are rarely shown in a light that is meaningful. I can’t help but agree with her, even though I don’t have siblings of my own. There are plenty of examples of brother-brother or brother-sister relationships in the media that are done so well and are so familiar to people, despite having a brother or not. I personally feel like that sister-sister relationships are done in a manner that's so simplified. With that said, Poppy-Jerome’s relationship goes into great detail; we can really see the dynamic and issues of their relationship. We see how they need each other as brother and sister and how they support each other. Yet, Patricia and Piper’s relationship was so downplayed. Their “big moment” where they try to connect with one another and try to understand each other was  “‘I’m jealous of you because ___.’ ‘Well I’m jealous of you because___.’”, and that's it. It was abrupt and crude. There was no depth to their conversation, and if given the necessary depth, I truly think almost everyone could have related to their relationship. I just feel the audience, as well as Patricia, deserved that connection. Like, Patricia didn’t evolve from this. She remained the same as before. It didn’t affect her facade at all. After it was over, it was like it barely happened.

In the entirety of the show, we see Patricia through her facade. Sometimes, we can see cracks in it, but in the end, we never see her drop her act completely. When she seemingly does, it is practically nulled later on. Patricia’s words go against all of her actions constantly. Despite the fact that she has all the ideals of rebellion, unless you count Joy’s search as an act of rebellion, we never see her actually rebel for her own purpose. When she rebels or speaks out, it's for sibuna’s agenda, not her own. She told Piper to “dare to fail” even though we have never seen her do this. In fact, we have never seen her succeed either. We see what she wants us to see. HOA really should have had at least one point where her facade breaks, and the audience gets see what she is really thinking and what she really wants. It is not like they couldn’t fit it in because I could think of plenty of times where that moment would have fit in perfectly or even better than what was given.

I really don’t think the HOA writers and producers put much thought into the overall effect and really used her a way to make the plot continue in an easy way. I do understand why they did it - to a certain extent. The show is made for kids, and kids usually don’t really care about character development or arc. However, I think Patricia’s character could have been such a significant character for kids. Like I said, I relate to Patricia a lot, and I think others do as well. I also think if she had some sort of defining character arc, her character could have spoken to many people, young and old. There’s something so relatable about her, even with the lack of a defining arc. I feel like her character had so much potential, and HOA really missed a chance at creating a character so iconic. But in the end, there was no fluent character development. This leads her to feel like a more relatable side character at times viruses a main character.

#patricia williamson #rant #hoa #house of anubis #i don't know if this makes much sense #but i had to express it

[bifurious-rex]

bc you’ve talked about this a little before... how do you work thru feeling ugly & disgusting for poverty-related things? like i’m under 30 but ppl tell me i look older. i have chronic pain and frankly appalling genetics so retail has been so so hard on my body. i have adult acne that i don’t have the money to treat. i feel so ugly and in turn worthless bc i can’t afford to look “pretty.” i try to tell myself that my value isn’t in my looks but the world sure says it is.

hi!! sorry i sat on this ask for a little bit i wanted to think on it and give you a response that felt worthwhile bc this stuff is really important and close to my heart. if you want/feel comfortable, i’d be happy to talk about this more in-depth privately in DMs and stuff! i relate a lot to what you said and i hold strongly to the belief that the best thing in healing from this stuff is what we can offer each other. (not to sound like a new age therapist lol)

(also i do want to preface with the face that i am able-bodied so chronic pain is not something i can personally attest to living with, tho much of my family has chronic pain and other health issues and their experiences have definitely influenced the way i look at things.)

full response under the read more because wow i typed for FOREVER.

honestly? it’s overwhelming, though it definitely is better some days than others. i think being online and surrounded by media is such a loaded thing because it can be super comforting when you feel alone, especially if you’re able to curate a space of stuff and people that reflects the things you value and need to see in your life, but those same spaces still carry the same biases and burdens that the real world does. 

for me, it’s been a matter of trying to be aware of how i’m feeling and why i may be feeling it. sometimes the self-hatred/self-disgust does get really intense, especially when you’ve been conditioned over your entire life to think that the things that you are (and may always be) are ‘disgusting’. i’m a very socially-minded person, and despite having my own complicated relationships with my family, i do find it helpful to think about the standards i’m putting on myself when compared to the people i love who come from similar lives. when classist stuff is really digging into my brain and i can’t shake it off, i think about the people i love who look the way i feel afraid to look, and what they deserve. i can’t always get it in my head that i deserve the same things i want for my loved ones, but at the very least it helps me reinforce that, no, i DON’T believe this thing society has schooled in me because believing that thing hurts people i care about. 

i know that body positivity on tumblr and elsewhere online, for me, comes off very superficially and then i’ll feel guilty for not feeling comforted by it? but i try to remind myself that the things i’m trying to deconstruct aren’t just like “oh this is ugly,” it’s more like “our society has brainwashed us into believing that poverty is a moral failure and thereby any physical traits that imply our social status as lesser is humiliating and should be avoided at all costs,” so of course i won’t feel better just because an upperclass person on the internet tells me they think wrinkles and yellow fingernails are cute. there is a value in our society trying to rethink how it views beauty, but that’s a very big ask to put on yourself, especially when you’re marginalized and hurting emotionally. i try to remind myself that i don’t have to think i am beautiful to have worth. that’s a cliche thing to say rip. but uh, i try to reframe the things i think of as flaws not as beautiful but more of a mark of survival? 

again, this gets a lot easier for me when i think about my loved ones. 

my dad had a stroke about a week before he turned 47. he’s one of my favorite people in the world, i love him so much. even though the stroke didn’t really cause any visible stuff for him to be self-conscious about, it did still royally fuck him up mentally. he has permanent vision loss and got his driver’s licence taken away for months despite the doctor’s recommendation that he was fine to drive. the doctor told him it was likely because he was overworking and he wasn’t treating his anxiety and depression, and he’s still paying the medical bills off three years later. he couldn’t work, couldn’t drive, and was forced to sit at home and reevaluate the way he was taking care of himself and what he valued about himself. i think a lot about the life that he’s lived and the things that he’s survived. i don’t know that he sees it the way i do, but when i think about how easily my dad could have died, i feel genuinely grateful for the fact that partial vision loss is all that happened. obviously it doesn’t make the actual loss any easier, but it is a reminder that he’s survived. 

this world is not kind to poor people. a lot of it doesn’t give a fuck if we live, much less if we live happily or healthily. i try to remind myself that the scars we wear (even the ones that don’t look like scars, ones that look like skin disorders, crooked or missing teeth, stretch marks and fat rolls, hair that’s months due for a cut and clothes that you tried to patch because you really can not afford to get a new pair, whatever it is) might never be beautiful but it is a reminder that we got through it. and, if this helps you, when i see other people on the street who look like me or my family, i feel a little less alone. the people who the flaws we’re so afraid of actually stick out to, they usually notice them because it’s something familiar to them? and maybe it’s not beautiful, but they see that and know it for what it is. whether they see it as beautiful or not/good or bad, it’s a fact of life, and sometimes feeling normal in our imperfections is almost as good as feeling beautiful in our imperfections. 

this is a really long answer (i’ll probs edit a read more in here once i post it) and i’m not sure that this is even helpful so much as kind of my own vent about it??? but i hope you know, anon, that you really aren’t alone in what you were saying. i don’t know that i’ve figured out how to live with it, i know it’s likely only going to get more complicated as i get older and the health issues my genes got cookin starts popping up, but i’m working on it. i do know that i always feel better when i think about people like me, so i hope that brings you some comfort? take care of yourself okay? survival is beautiful, even if it feels like the stress marks it leaves aren’t. 

#anon #ask #classism #hick manifesto #disability #ig?? not so much for me but when talkin bout my dad and stuff #anyways ima little brain dead now ima go eat smthg and get ready for work as usual take care of yourselves!!! #Anonymous

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Alex Recommends: May and June Books

I must apologise for the late arrival of this post. It should have been up days ago but I’ve been struggling to read much for the last month or so. My head has been very foggy and dark with all of the confusion, anxiety and hate that has been filling my news feeds and I’ve been filled with a desire to combat it. Before this month, I’d have run in the opposite direction from any kind of confrontation but recent events have given me the kick up the butt to actively do better. I’ve been calling out bigotry when I come across it and I’ve noticed that some people, notably my older relatives, haven’t necessarily reacted favorably to the changed, more outspoken Alex. It has been pretty daunting and I’ve worked myself up into fits of rage and tears several times over the last couple of months.

A lot of things have changed for me since my last Alex Recommends post. I’m currently temporarily living in Staffordshire with my boyfriend because my depression got too bad for me to stay at home for much longer. I missed him unbelievably much and I knew that spending some prolonged time with him would help -and it has. Both him and I have spent 12 weeks religiously following all of the rules, so we’re both extremely low-risk for catching and spreading COVID-19 and being together was something that we simply really needed to do. Please don’t hate me for it! In other news, I have also started writing again, which feels amazing. I’m now a few thousand words into a queer Rapunzel retelling that I have lots of ideas for. Maybe I’ll even post an extract or two, when I feel it’s ready to show you.

In the centre of the renewed energy of Black Lives Matter and the undeniable exposure of the horrors that is police brutality, the book blogging and BookTube worlds vowed to uplift Black voices. I wrote a very long, in-depth blog post full of Black-written books and Black book influencers. Please check it out to diversify your TBR and educate yourself on Black issues, which is what every white person should be doing now and always.

June was Pride Month and I tried my best to compile a series of recommendation posts in honour of it. These included gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, non-binary, ace, pansexual and intersex lists. I’ve had some great feedback on this, so I hope you find some fantastic new reads. It felt especially poignant to put them together the same year that one of my childhood heroes came out as an ignorant trans-exclusive feminist. As a lifelong Harry Potter superfan and someone who has repeatedly publicly supported Rowling in the past, I feel the need to clarify where I now stand. I do not support or agree with a single thing that she has said in recent times with regard to transgender people. I’ve never felt my own status as a cisgender female threatened by trans people wanting more rights or believed that children or women were at risk due to their existence. 

I read her words more than once and struggled to find any semblance of the woman who wrote the books that have most defined my life. I’m hesitant to say that we can always successfully separate the art from the artist but I will say that it makes sense to me that the Rowling of 2020 is not the same Rowling that wrote Harry Potter. She was a destitute single mother when Philosopher’s Stone was published in 1997 and of course, she is now a million worlds away from that lifestyle. It breaks my heart but it makes sense to me that she has changed beyond belief because her life has changed beyond belief. I’m not and never would make any excuses for her recent behaviour and I have stopped supporting her personally but I will not be getting rid of my Harry Potter books and I will undoubtedly re-read them several more times. However, I am now hugely reluctant to buy any more merchandise or special editions of the books, which saddens me but at the moment, it feels right. There is no coming back for her from this and I will make a conscious effort to keep Harry Potter and Rowling away from my future content. It can be really tough to admit that the people you once really admired aren’t great humans but it’s something that we all have to acknowledge in this case, in order to move forward with our own quests to become our best selves.

It didn’t feel right to post my May recommendations last month as I didn’t feel comfortable promoting my own content in the midst of boosting Black voices. So today I’m bringing you a bumper edition of Alex Recommends. Here are 10 books that I’ve enjoyed since the start of May that I’d love to share with you. Enjoy! -Love, Alex x

FICTION: Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

Set in the affluent neighbourhood of Shaker Heights, Ohio in the 1990s, two families are brought together and pulled apart by the most intense, devastating circumstances. Dealing with issues of race, class, coming-of-age, motherhood and the dangers of perfection, Little Fires Everywhere is highly addictive and effecting. With characters who are so heartbreakingly real and a story that weaves its way to your very core, I couldn’t put it down and I’m still thinking about it over a month after finishing it. 

FICTION: Get A Life, Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert

When coding nerd Chloe Brown almost dies, she makes a list of goals and vows to finally Get A Life. So she enlists tattooed redhead handyman and biker Red to teach her how. Cute, funny and ultimately life-affirming, this enemies-to-lovers rom-com was exactly the brand of light relief that I needed this month. The follow-up Take A Hint, Dani Brown focuses on a fake-dating situation with Chloe’s over-achieving academic sister and I can’t wait to get my hands on that.

FICTION: The Rearranged Life of Oona Lockhart by Margarita Montimore

Just before her 19th birthday at midnight on New Year’s Eve 1983, Oona Lockhart finds herself inexplicably in 2015 inside her 51-year-old body. She soon learns that every year on New Year’s Day, she will now find herself inside a random year of her life and she has no control over it. Seeing her through relationships, friendships and extreme wealth, this strange novel has echoes of Back To The Future and 13 Going On 30 with a final revelation that I certainly never saw coming.

NON-FICTION: The Five by Hallie Rubenhold

Atmospheric and engaging, The Five details the previously untold stories of Polly, Annie, Elisabeth, Kate and Mary-Jane -the women who lost their lives at the hands of Jack the Ripper. Full of fascinating research and heartbreaking accounts of what these women’s lives may have been like, Rubenhold paints a dark immersive portrait of Victorian London and gives voice to these tragic silenced lives. Although we can’t know for certain if these accounts are entirely accurate, they feel very plausible and in some ways, The Five exposes how little time has moved on, when it comes to the public portrayal of single, troubled women.

NON-FICTION: Unicorn by Amrou Al-Kadhi

From a childhood crush on Macaulay Culkin to how a teenage obsession with marine biology helped them realise their non-binary identity, Unicorn tells the story of how the obsessive perfectionist son of a strict Muslim Iraqi family became the gorgeous drag queen Glamrou. Packed full of humour, honesty and heart, this book will give you the strength and inspiration to harness what you were born with and be who you were always meant to be.

MIDDLE-GRADE: The Super Miraculous Journey of Freddie Yates by Jenny Pearson

When fact-obsessed Freddie’s grandmother dies, he discovers that the father he has never met may actually be alive and living in Wales. So he has no choice but to grab his best friends Ben and Charlie, leave his home in Andover and go to find his dad! I laughed so many times during this madcap adventure and I know the slapstick crazy humour will hit the middle-grade target audience just right. It’s also a wonderful depiction of small town Britain with a focus on the true meaning of family.

MIDDLE-GRADE: A Kind Of Spark by Elle McNicoll

When Addie learns about her hometown’s history of witch trials, she campaigns tirelessly to get a memorial for the women who lost their lives through it. This wonderfully beautiful novel gives a unique insight into the mind of an 11-year-old autistic girl with a huge heart. Busting myths about neurodiversity while tackling typical pre-teen drama, you’ll laugh, you’ll cry but most of all, you’ll close the book with a huge smile on your face. 

HISTORICAL FICTION: Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell

In 16th century Warwickshire, Agnes is a woman with a unique gift whose relationship with a young Latin tutor produces three children and a legacy that lasts for centuries. This enchanting, all-consuming account of the tragic story of Shakespeare’s lost son, the effects that rippled through the family and the play that was born from their pain will send a bullet straight through your heart. Wonderfully researched and beautifully written, Hamnet is worth all of the hype.

HISTORICAL FICTION: The Mercies by Kiran Millwood Hargrave

When a vicious storm kills most of the men of Vardø, Norway, it’s up to the women to keep things going but a man with a murderous past is about to come down with an iron fist. At the heart of this dark tale of witch trials, grief and feminism, two women find something they’ve each been searching for within each other. Gorgeously written with a fantastically slow-burning queer romance, Kiran Millwood Hargrave’s first adult novel is an addictive, atmospheric read with a poignant, tearjerker of an ending.

SCI-FI: Q by Christina Dalcher

When one of Elena’s daughters manages to drop below the country’s desired Q number, she is sent away to one of the new state schools and Elena is about to find out something she’d really rather not know about the new system. Packed full of real social commentary and critique of life as we know it while painting a picture of how things could be even worse (yes, really!), this pulse-racing, horrifying sci-fi dystopian gripped me from the first page and refused to let me go. 

#book recommendations #recommended #recommendations #may #june #books #bookworm