#maybe its just because i havent been in a relationship in so many years

[lzrdprsn]

It's really weird when you know someone in a context different from how everybody else knows them so you look at them and you still kind of see that person they used to be

#this post is about the boy i dated my senior year who was so incredibly sweet tbh wouldnt be the person i am today if i hadnt met him #but he was so fucked up he had so many issues it was really hard so it didnt work out but i loved him and i think he loved me too #but hes in a moderately successful band now which i just found out about do i looked them up and theyre good #but its so weird because its like i know that when you were 17 you wanted to be an underwater welder #i helped you clean your room at your grandmas house because you were so sad you couldnt do it yourself #i ditched 5th period AP English to sit on the steps behind the auditorium and listen to you talk about whatever #you pushed me on the swings and we took the bus to the movie theater and you liked cherry wraps and you played me my favorite songs #i havent REALLY thought about that guy in years and we were only together MAYBE 6 months but its so weird what you remember about people #and especially how you remember how they made you feel because he made me feel so good like i was in control #all my previous relationships was me trying to desperately please someone who wouldnt do the same for me #and honestly a lot of my relationships since have been the same especially in college and with the one girl who honestly if she called me #today i would drop everything and go be with her again no questions because i cant get her out of my head #but stuff witj him was never ever like that it was so easy it was like breathing even though it ended messy i have 0 regrets #and its nice to know that things are going well for him because honestly he changed my life a little bit #the way i dont give a fuck now is something i learned from him #ill probably delete this later but you know

[aliaology]

NOW THAT WE DONT TALK

summary: somehow, somewhere, cole caulfied gets yn to go to his end of the summer party down in michigan. it works in her favor due to college starting back up. pt.5

series masterlist

“no fucking way, cole.” you said into the phone, sitting at the island of your brother’s house. the sliding door nearby was open, sending small gusts of wind in, causing you to shrink closer to your body.

“oh come on, please!” cole whined from the phone. cole tried his hardest, but if he tried his hardest, his party would not be held, on the hughes property.

said party will also have jack hughes— and even trevor zegras.

“cole—“ “no come on, y/n, i havent seen you in forever. i get trevor and jack will be there, but just ignore them, please. i miss you and i dont want them to be the reason we can’t hang out.” cole pleaded.

you let out a sigh. “can i bring a plus one?” you ask. you can hear cole whisper a small ‘yes!’ in victory before speaking, “of course, is it gonna be your brother?”

“uh no— i was gonna talk to sab…” you trailed off.

“i dont care who you bring, as long as i get to see you, bells.”

there is was. the nickname you had been given one summer many years ago by cole, that soon everyone in the hughes summer house called you.

he started to call you bells because of how quiet you would walk into a room, he made the joke you needed a bell to stop scaring them. fast forward, he bought you some and forced you to have them around your neck, and the nickname just stuck.

it was almost endearing at this point. not some joke.

“okay” you whispered, bringing a leg up, resting your chest against your knee.

“when is it?” you asked.

“next weekend. so is this a yes?” cole asked excitedly. “i guess so. i better get paid back for this unexpected flight.”

“fuck yeah, i cannot wait to see you, bells.”

“cant wait to see you too..”

you sigh softly, curled in a fetal position on your bed, your white comforter draped over your body. you hated how after a year, you were still hung up on your ex, who was doing way better than you.

he had a girlfriend, your best friend, hockey, he had it all. you shared your music to the world, not as an act of revenge but as a way to pour your heart out and see if people have and are going through the same thing.

you feel lucky to know you have yet to receive a message from jack, or even his girlfriend. that doesn’t mean you havent seen the comments though.

quinn commenting every once in awhile kind of scared you. what was he telling jack? what was he telling trevor? what was he saying about you in general?

but you and quinn had a good relationship, he was practically your third older brother (right behind your actual one, and auston!). you went to him for advice about jack, or to complain about jack.

luke and you also had a good relationship. one that crumbled when you and him had a small argument over your break up with jack, and him ultimately choosing his brother. you didn’t blame him though.

sad fact is, is you believe that all the hughes brothers were your soulmates in some form. quinn and luke were your platonic soulmates. jack was your romantic soulmate, in every possible way. but not anymore,

jack is on your mind constantly. all you see is him everywhere you go. all the time its just him.

you wanted it to stop. jack was practically your roman empire and god you needed to find a new one.

but hey, at least you don’t have to pretend you like acid rock anymore, because god some of his playlists for game days were bad.

but he was happier now, right? with his new girlfriend who definitely dissed you online..

maybe its a good thing, yknow? now that you dont talk..

tags: @honethatty12 , @slaythehousebootsdown13 , @lovinbarzal , @outrunangelss , @absolutelyhugh3s , @hockeyboysarehot , @shadowsndaisies if u want tags, lmk <3

#hockey #jack hughes #nhl imagine #new jersey #new jersey devils #nhl #nhl hockey #jack hughes x reader #quinn hughes #luke hughes #trevor zegras #cole caufield

[lucciolaaaa]

Under the stars

Lorenzo Berkshire x reader

A/n: Hiiii! I havent written anything in so long and this came to me after my ex drunk texted me :/

Summary: Enzo and Y/N finally have a conversation after ending their year long relationship

Warnings: Tom Riddle is the fanon character, discussing past love, ambiguous ending, extremelyyyyyy short, i think thats itttt

“Do you think you ever truly loved me?” You asked looking at the stars, the idea of looking at him felt like it would destroy all the walls you’ve been putting up. 

“I think it’s impossible not to love you” Lorenzo said while looking at you, the idea of looking straight at the stars made him feel like he wasn’t being honest enough. “I don’t know if it’s going to be possible to stop loving you”. 

“You better not” You said, cracking a joke always brought a feeling of safety, lighting up the environment as much as it could be. A small chuckle left both of your mouths before silence fell on top like a heavy fog. You had words on the tip of your tongue and he definitely knew, looking at you with expectation but they were grasping at anything to be kept in. After a while you were finally able to fight them “I will never forget how it feels to love you, its unlike anything I’ve ever felt”. 

Enzo smiled, bittersweet feelings resurfacing. “Do you think we’ll find something like this again?” He paused for a moment, contemplating how to continue “because I don’t know if I want to. I don’t know if I want to be that happy again or keep those feelings locked away just for you” He was able to get you to look at him, proving your point. Looking into those same eyes that looked at you with love, lust, sadness, trust and so much more for years truly is difficult. 

“I don’t think I want to have something like this every again. I don’t want to be dramatic but I’d rather never experience this again than replacing it with someone else” A small smile grew on your face, thinking of what you were able to have with him and how grateful you were for those five years. 

He moved the hand resting on his thigh so that it was facing up, a sign that you had become accustomed to after many years. Your hand gravitated towards his, a force pulling you towards it. As soon as your hands touched there was a feeling of familiarity, like finally jumping into bed during a cold day. 

“Maybe we are being dramatic, but I think we have an excuse for it” Enzo smiled, truly smiled, like you hand seen in a while and it brought a warmth that you had missed. 

“I think Tom would agree and he'd probably add that we are always the most dramatic in the room” The same smile grew on your face after being lost for a long time. No matter what happened Enzo was the only one that always managed to help it find its way back. 

#hp #hp fanfiction #fanfiction #harry potter #Harry Potter fanfiction #lorenzo berkshire #Lorenzo Berkshire x reader #enzo berkshire #enzo berkshire x reader #enzo berkshire x y/n #Lorenzo Berkshire x you #Slytherin boys #fanon harry potter

[crushedsweets]

i was listening to twin size mattress by the front bottoms and was like. hmm this is the most toby song ever

SO i was wondering do u have any songs that remind you of specific creeps? could be from lyrics or just general vibes yk yk

- 🌙 anon (im new here hi)

HII welcome. ok ok. so i listen to music in a very boring way and never analyze lyrics/artists/albums/etc. but for you i will try to change.

also these lryics with toby oh wow.. wow. ok. wowwww. wow. ok. wow. STUFF UNDER THE CUT BUT KNOW IM DEEPLY WARPING THE ACTUAL MEANING BEHIND A LOT OF THESE SONGS LOL. i religiously listen to love songs so its hard

toby and honey by coastal club. (my fave song rn..)

whether its from his perspective or not.. it doesnt even have to be romantic either. just his friendships with everyone around him, both from people like tim and brian seeing this SEVERELY TROUBLED kid. . . 'wide eyed..dying to get outside' feels very :((( yk. he was a kid trapped in a fucking horrifying situation all his life. or him looking at his friendship with nina. "youve got a way with me... alive and so full of life, i'm mesmerized by your love" etc. maybe jack or clockwork with the "i started laughing at the words you spoke, i kinda like you and your stupid jokes"... AGAIN I KNOW ITS A LOVE SONG but i see it applying in so many different forms of love. and i love love. also a ton of like, car and driving references which is um. lyra reference sorry

nina x clockwork and "a big brown dog named bagel" by nep

ok this doesnt apply so much to my au(nobody is canon in mine but yk)... buttttttt... yeah. ugh. this is so nina @ nat. sorry guys ive been changed. one ask always diverts my attention at the speed of light. "I like the way she bites, the way she talks, the way she looks when I smile" is just SO FUCKING NINA ADORING NAT. nina just wants to be in the most fairytale coming of age movie ya novel lovestory and she says that her biggest dream in life is to get married. she wants to take care of her lover and give and give and give so fucking much and "I'll buy you a big old house on a big old hill And I'll grow old with my baby, 'til she's dead" is so very her. of course i chose clockwork cuz 'she's tall in the knees' and 'some green in her eyes' plus im a lesbian and havent fawned over sapphic relationships in months since i began my creepypasta return. LOL

eyeless jack and "downhill" by lincoln

there r few words to describe the amount of guilt, horror, and devastation that jack feels after what he's done, all he's lost, and what he has to do to survive. he has a year of his life that he was literally possessed by a demon and went around fucking tearing humans apart and eating their remains. even as he's """recovering""" and settling into a cabin, his friendships with the creeps, trying to just feel okay. he's on his last leg, he can tell that people know he's a shell of what he was but they'll never know how warm, kind, inviting he used to be. "i went downhill at such a steep inline" ... yea he did his life changed immeasurably in a single night and it's never coming back. the lyrics "'Cause I was born into the world on a silken cloud / And I got bored of the world before I hit the ground" ... while he had a ton of pressure. he loved his life, loved his family, was the type to constantly express how grateful he was for everything that got him where he was. and then he hit rock fucking bottom because he wanted to chase a little excitement with the pretty girl inviting him to join a 'club.' poor guy

liu and "i'm not angry anymore" by paramore

i dont think i need to explain this because um..... lols... liu just wants to fucking move on. he just wants to escape everything. he wants his family back, including the little brother he'd play catch with in the front yard for so many years. but he has his moments where it all comes barreling back, and he makes real fucking brash decisions - he lost his marriage because he spiraled trying to find jeff and moved to fucking alabama. so you know.

jane and "everest" by beabadoobee

again, i dont think i need to explain this. maybe this could be mary(jane's wife) singing to jane, cuz she was one of janes main supports after her parents death. jane can only act strong for so long but she is so so so fucking sad and mourning and she was always so soft and gentle and sweet and she lost everything in a single night. she spent a short period of time filled with rage, as she would be, but her story eventually evolves into her just wanting to help others with their cases, be happy with her wife, take care of sally, grow old, make her parents proud. she's climbed mountains and is probably in the best place of all the creeps. holds her. i dont touch her character too often because i just want her to settle happily lolz..

ok thats all i got guys :3.. thank youuuuu thank youuu. sorry if my music taste is bad guys. LOL.

#🌙 anon #asks #creeped #hcs #uh #do i tag? ok whyyy not #ticci toby #clockwork creepypasta #nina the killer #homicidal liu #eyeless jack #jane the killer

[coltrainbat]

MASTERLIST

✨Masterlist ✨

READ ME BEFORE YOU REQUEST

Please note I don’t write anything that is illegal or borderline inappropriate. This includes sibling smut, adult baby kink (I dont even know what its called), teacherxstudent relationships and anything else I deem off. I also havent been to high school for many years so even if it’s innocent fluff I do not write HS AUs. If you’re unsure just ask! Can even be anon and if you don’t get a reply to your request then it’s a no. I’m fine with Daddy kink and most sex stuff as long as it doesn't cross lines into over infantilising, acting like an actual baby. 

As much as I’d love to sit in my bed all day and write fics... I have a big girl job and answer my requests in order I receive them (lol OCD tings) and I cant start one until the other is done (again sorry OCD tings). So please note there is a 3 week ish turn around for requests at max. And sometimes if I get a good idea I’ll write my own first cause I have to get it out of my head. But if you want updates feel free to message me or I’ll post an update if I get caught up in life! 

I’m always up for a chat and am pretty active on here so you’re welcome to talk to me about whatever, ask questions or just chat! Please note it’s an 18+ account and if you don’t specify that I won’t reply. 

Ty x

Clover ☘️

Dividers from the brilliant @firefly-graphics 💕

Gifs and images are not mine! 

KEY:

☁️ - Fluff 🔥 - Smut/NSFW 🌤 - Platonic 

🌧  - Tear Jerker / Sad

🌪 - Angst

SERIES: 

COMING SOON: Third Times A Charm | A Chris Evans X RDJ Sister!Reader (description here)

Take Me Home | Nick Vaughan X Reader:

Part 1 -  Meet Cute ☁️

Yes, No, Maybe | Chris Evans X Curvy!Reader:

Part 1 - Chris meets you and has to have you. ☁️🌪

Part 2 - your first date. ☁️

Part 3 (Virgin!Reader) - Chris takes your virginity 🔥☁️

Bubba | Dad!Chris Evans X Pregant/Mom!Reader):

Part 1 - You tell Chris he’s going to be a dad for the first time. ☁️🌧

Part 2 - Protective!DadChris ☁️

IMAGINES/ONE SHOTS & HEADCANONS:

Chris Evans

You’re Mine (Curvy!Reader) - You’re Chris’s FWB and you wonder if you’re the only one 🔥☁️

All Worth It (Curvy!Reader) - You and Chris go public with your relationship. ☁️

Chris Evans Alphabet (Curvy!Reader) - smut implied but mainly fluff. ☁️

Chris Evans Alphabet NSFW - 🔥

What A Girl Wants - You’re a str!pper and Chris wants you for the night. 🔥

Happiest Man Alive - You’re a florist and Chris proposes at the Oscars ☁️

No One Disrespects Chris’s Girl - A journalist insults you to Chris’s face. 🌪

Best Birthday Ever (Curvy!Reader) - You usually dread your birthday but Chris has a surprise in stall. ☁️

Bed. Now. - Finals week has hit but Chris wants you to sleep. ☁️

Boston Boy Documentary - Your segment in Chris’s documentary. ☁️

Can’t Believe They’re Real - Chris is an ass guy but with tits like yours he cant help be obsessed.  🔥

Favourite Pillows - Chris’s favourite pillows are conveniently on your chest. ☁️

My Angel (Model!Reader) - You’re a Victoria Secret Angel ☁️

Because I Want You - Your bestie, Chris gets a bit jealous...  ☁️🌪

Cookie - Baking cookies doesnt go as planned.  ☁️🔥

High On You - You and Chris enjoy a joint together. ☁️

I’m in Chwarge (Blurb) - No one tells you whhat to do besides Chris ☁️🔥

Tik Tok Leggings - You could say Chris likes your new leggings… 🔥☁️

Eat Shit Ransom - You’ve got a huge crush on Ransom 🌪☁️

Pork or Pasta? - You meet Chris for the first time but arent so sure about him... 🌪☁️

Mint Condition - Captain America Roleplay  🔥

Sexiest Girl Alive (Curvy!Reader) - You get hate for your body and Chris comes to your defence. 🌪☁️

Headcanon!Chris Evans - Chris start to cheer his gf up. How? With stupid cheesy pick up lines ☁️

Steve Rogers 

I’m The Captain Now - Taking Steve’s virginity 🔥

Off to College - You & Steve send your little girl off to College ☁️🌧

Family Matters - Steve’s sister dies 🌧🌤 

Roped Up - Steve ties you up 🔥

Soxs - You get Steve a cat to help with his nightmares. ☁️

Prettiest Girl In The World (PreSerum!Steve X Plussize!Reader) - Steve thinks you’re the best even if you don’t. 🔥☁️🌧

Get A Life - Shortsized!Reader working for Bruce Banner as a lab assistant and Steve has a total crush on her. ☁️

Frank Adler 

Disneyland - You and Frank take Mary to Disney ☁️

Put It On My Tab - Frank introduces Female Bartender!Reader and introduces her to his niece. ☁️

Andy Barber

What To Wear (Curvy!Reader) - Andy helps you find a shirt that fits for your date night. ☁️

Sparks Fly - Soulmate AU ☁️

You’re Sick (Blurb) ☁️

Our Home - Laurie shows up unannounced. 🌪☁️

Knock Knock - You surprise Andy at work. 🔥

Lloyd Hansen

You’re Not Sorry - You act like a brat but Lloyd is going to make you pay for it. 🔥🌪

Ari Levinson

I’ll Take Care of You - Ari is married to your sister but he has you on on his mind. 🔥

Neighbours - You get very friendly with your neighbour, Ari.  🔥

Ransom Drysdale

Good Bunny - Ransom wants to explore the hole God can’t see... 🔥

Liam Hemsworth

Nostalgia - You and Liam reunite but its a little different now. ☁️🌪

#chris evans fics #chris evans masterlist #chris evans fan fiction #chris evans fanfic #Chris Evans fandom #chris evans x reader

[mentally-disabled]

as an aroace, i dont understand the point or concept of marriage very well. to me its like making a contract with someone to be/live with them for the rest of your life?? if i ever actually got married, even in a queerplatonic way, that aint workin out for me, i would divorce them in less than a year. i need my space and i would just get sick of any partner (platonic or romantic).

also it's funny because when i was younger, i didnt like the idea of being married, even if i did have a crush on anyone. i didnt like the thought of marrying them and being with them for the rest of my life, or even doing things like kissing them or whatever else people do. there was literally one exception, just one, and i only even wanted to like, cuddle or hold hands.

and after a while i stopped getting crushes or the urge to get to know someone or talk to someone and i was like "why??" and then i sort of realized that the thought of me being with someone just disgusted me in a way that if something like that crosses my mind for no good reason, i visibly cringe. like no.

and as an aroace who isnt out to their family, i am genuinely scared of when and if they'll start saying things like "you'll find someone eventually" when i dont get a partner by the time im in like, college because i know my anxiety aint letting me come out before then. and like, i do not want to have deal with shit like that. it will only make me feel more pressured to come out to them as aroace, and i feel like they have acknowledged (mostly my sister) LGBTQ+ sexualities and saying that they don't really gaf who i get with or marry or something, but they havent really acknowledged the fact that, maybe i dont want to be with someone, and i genuinely feel that they will just be disappointed if decide i dont want anyone. now, i feel like that would be mostly on my mom's part because she has been with so many people and been in so many failed relationships that i feel like she'll just be disappointed that she doesnt see me in a successful relationship. i don't think my sister will really care as much, she'd just be like "hell yeah, don't need someone else to be happy ehehehe."

and like i just dont get it. i dont get why the social norm is to date or marry or even just crush on someone. i dont get the reason and i dont get how people "fall in love" or get the urge to talk to someone attractive. i dont think that aros or aces get a lot of good rep either, and i dont understand why. just because they may not be interested in anyone romantically or intimately doesnt mean they dont have feelings or cant love. i love my family (mostly😐) and my friends, just platonically.

thanks for reading my rant

#aroace pride #queer #lgbtqia #asexual #aromantic #arospec #aspec #aroace #support aroace people #rant

[cyberr-v0id]

I should probably make a proper introduction post so here goes

Hi hey hello wassup sup howdy hola hooray

My name is Hecate but I also go by *lists a ton of names because I am genderfluid as hell, can’t choose just one, have a complicated relationship with my irl name, and eventually toss aside every name I go by* here’s the link to my full name post: https://www.tumblr.com/cyberr-v0id/731097944976228352/ok-so-as-i-apparently-use-a-lot-of-names-here-are

My main blog is @cyberr-v0id but I have a ton of side blogs, because I’m addicted to cool usernames??? Apparently??? But I’m only really active on four or five of them

I use he/she/they/fae and occasionally it sets of pronouns, and I am a genderfluid, afab, asexual, lesbian oriented demiromantic. Deal with it or leave :)

I currently have a crush on one of my awesome friends because I only develop crushes on people I have a strong bond with and/or have know for a while . Aka: my friends. It can be low-key awkward but we roll

I am Romani but don’t travel because reasons and I am kinda detached from my culture, but heck of I don’t defend it till my last breath

Now onto what I am interested in ehhehehehe

I AM SO GOSHDARN TOTALLY BRAIN IN THE SAND EYES GOUGED OUT INSANELY OBSESSED WITH ODYSSEUS RN. ITS A PROBLEM. IT KEEPS COMING BACK. IS THIS A HYPER FIXATION??? IS THIS A SPECIAL INTEREST? I HAVENT BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH (oh wait I should probably put that down as information then come back to my interests)

Ok so, I have never been diagnosed with anything ✨brain wise✨ however pretty much every autistic person I have ever met has said that they think I might be as well, without me even bringing it up, including my AuDHD brother. My mother has said repeatedly throughout my lifetime comments such as ‘are you sure you’re not autistic’ and ‘that is very autistic or you maybe we should get you diagnosed’ but then she denies it if i bring it up

My dad thinks I am adhd, my mum thinks I would be add rather than adhd because I am, to quote, ‘not hyperactive like [brothers name] is’. He is a twelve year old boy. I am a fifteen year old girl. I also take apart all my pens in lessons if I don’t have something less destructible to fidget with. Take that how you will

I personally have done a lot of of research into the both, and feel that I could be either, but slightly more likely adhd

I have a weird issue with my feet where the bones are too close together in places, which means I have really clicky ankle joints, am much more likely to have my ankles roll, twist, or give way, and often my legs hurt pretty bad, and my feet as well, while walking or standing for a long time. But hey! They’re getting better finally :D

OK SO NOW MY INTERESTS

I AM LITERALLY SO OBSESSED WITH ODYSSEUS HE IS ALL I HACE BEEN ABLE TO THINK ABOUT FOR LIKE THREE WEEKS NOW, I HAVE BEEN HIGHLIGHTING HIS NAME EVERY TIME I SEE IT IN THE ILIAD, I HAVE LISTENED TO THE EPIC MUSICAL EVERY NIGHT FOR OVER A WEEK, AND THIS IS ONLY THE SECOND TIME THIS YEAR THAT MY OBSESSION HAS APPEARED. AND IT GETS WORSE BY THE DAY.

I HAVE LITERALLY SAT AND RESEARCHED HIM AT BREAKFAST, I HAVE RANTED ABOUT HIM YO EVERY MEMBER OF MY FRIEND GROUP AND MY CRUSH SO MANY TIMES, MY ENGLISH TEACHER HAS BEEN SUBJECTED TO TWO ODYSSEUS RANTS THIS WEEK AND I HAD TO RESTRAIN MYSELF FROM INFODUMPING ON ONE OF MY MUSICAL THEATRE TEACHERS.

THE ONLY THING STOPPING ME FROM CREATING ODYSSEUS FAN ART IS MY ART SKILLS

Ahem

Onto other interests:

• mythology in general but the one I know the most about and am obsessed with the most is Greek mythology

• the owl house

• Percy Jackson, obviously

• amphibia

• the inheritance cycle

• the dragon prince

• miss peregrines home for peculiar children

•avatar the last air bender

•dragon age absolution

• how to train your dragon (books, films, series)

•the wizards of once

•dragons themself as a thing

•folklore and faeries

• nimona

•Dracula

•redwall

•and a heck ton more that I cannot think of. I’ll rant about it eventually if I love it that much

The main sports I do rn are archery, paddle boarding, and skateboarding, as well as dance through my musical theatre group. Also lightsaber fighting in my street

I do art and writing and reading and acting and lots more I do a lot and then I abandon my hobbies for a while, and jewelry making and sewing and

I’ll link some more posts here that may be useful to y’all:

And remember, this blog is ran by an Odysseus obsessed teen above all else

[lestappenforever]

im sorry i literally just read through all your prompt fics and i would kill for a 44 and 45 if you havent done it yet. love your work so much mwa mwa (its okay if ur not taking prompts)

My lovely anon! Thank you so much for this — my brain kind of spiralled and ran away from me with this, so you're getting 11. "Come to bed." and 13. "Hold me?" as well.

Also, I wrote this on my phone while being a passenger princess in the car on my way across the country, so please forgive any typos.

I love you! ❤️

---

44. "I do love you, you know. Even if I'm shit at showing it.", 45. "Don't say anything. Just... Just lay here with me.", 11. "Come to bed.", and 13. "Hold me?"

It's not an uncommon occurrence, Charles and Max having a disagreement. In fact, it has been the baseline of their rivalry, then their friendship, and now, their relationship. 

They have passionate discussions. Heated debates. They bicker and press each other's buttons. When one pulls, the other pushes, again and again and again. 

But, most of the time, it’s fun. Harmless. A disagreement that will pass within a few minutes once they've both had a chance to cool down.

It usually doesn’t turn into a full-blown fight. Not one that leaves Charles looking at Max like he doesn’t know him anymore before storming off into the bedroom and slamming the door shut behind him.

He doesn’t even remember how it started. Something minor, no doubt, but Max cannot for the life of him remember what. All he knows is that whatever they'd been talking about turned into a conversation about Ferrari and Charles' outright refusal to accept that maybe it’s not the right team for him when they still haven't been able to give him what he needs to win a championship after so many years. 

It's something Charles is passionate about, for obvious reasons. But Max is passionate about it too, because he knows what Charles is capable of. Knows that had he only just been in a different team — a team that listened and learned — then he'd already have a championship under his belt.

Because all Max wants in this world is to give Charles everything. But a championship is the one thing he can’t give him. And it’s infuriating, because nobody deserves a world championship more than Charles. 

So yeah, when Charles had told him that he still believed Ferrari could help him achieve his life-long dream, Max had snapped. 

Because when Max was this passionate about something, his passion could sometimes cross the line to anger. Not at Charles — never at Charles — but at the situation. At Charles deserving so much better than what he was getting. 

That, on the other hand, wasn’t always obvious to others.

He overstepped, he knew that much. But he also knew there was no point in trying to fix this now because that would be poking the bear. And right now, the bear needs to breathe. 

So Max lets him breathe, and he busies himself playing with Jimmy and Sassy. And when they get sick of him, he sits on the balcony and watches the city below. 

He watches the boats, the cars, the people, and has to use every bit of strength to resist the urge to go to Charles. 

Once two hours have passed and the Monégasque still hasn't emerged from the bedroom, Max can't take it any more.

Trudging back into the apartment, Max makes his way down the hallway to the bedroom. He lingers outside the closed door, hesitating. Two hours should be enough time, but it’s never a sure thing with Charles. Sometimes, two hours isn’t even close to being enough.

As he opens the door, Max hopes to God it's enough this time.

Charles is lying on the bed on his back, staring at the ceiling. But he'd left the door unlocked, which Max will take as a good sign.

(He won’t entertain the possibility that Charles simply may have forgotten.)

"I'm sorry," Max says as he sits on the edge of the bed next to Charles.

The Monégasque doesn’t look at him. Doesn’t answer. Just keeps staring at the ceiling.

Should have waited another hour, Max thinks to himself.

Well. Too late now.

"I didn't mean anything I said the way it probably sounded. I just — I think you deserve so much more. I'm sorry I didn't manage to articulate that."

Charles still doesn’t look at him or speak. But the tightness of his jaw eases slightly.

Max will fucking take that and run with it.

"I do love you, you know. Even if I'm shit at showing it," he goes on, reaching out tentatively to brush his fingers over Charles' thigh through the duvet.

He sees the Monégasque struggle with his resolve. Can tell Charles wants to hold on to his anger, just for a little while longer. 

"You're only shit at showing it sometimes," Charles tells him with a sigh, before finally looking at Max. His eyes look puffy and tired, but still stunning. "Come to bed?"

It’s not forgiveness. Not yet. But it’s a start. 

Max wastes no time, stripping out of his shirt and pants and climbing into bed next to Charles. He's about to keep apologizing — plead with Charles to forgive him, but the Ferrari driver beats him to the punch.

"Don't say anything, just — just lay here with me."

It's a simple request. One that Max is eager to comply with. 

Hell, he'd launch himself off the fucking balcony with the biggest smile on his face if Charles had asked him to in that voice.

So they lay there next to each other. Not touching. Not speaking. Just existing in the same space. Breathing the same air. It's enough.

Until it isn’t. 

Charles turns onto his side, facing Max, and looks up at him through his eyelashes. It’s a look that turns Max's very soul into a puddle.

"Hold me?"

"Always," Max's response is immediate as he shifts closer and pulls Charles against his chest, wrapping both arms around the other man and holding him as if his very life depends on it.

Charles sighs — a soft, pleased sound — as he nuzzles against Max, tucking his face against Max's neck and inhaling deeply. Letting the familiar scent of Max, of home, wash over him. Letting it soothe his soul.

Max lets it soothe his, too.

They don’t speak for the rest of the evening, but they don’t need to. Because as Charles holds on to Max and falls asleep in his arms, Max knows they'll be alright. 

They always are, in the end.

#Lestappen prompts #Lestappen fic #My writing #Asks #Ask prompts #Anon #Anon asks #Lestappen #Lestappen drabble

[spearxwind]

Hi hello I wanna talk a bit about CD currently but Im not sure if its gonna be too long/negative so I'm gonna put my thoughts under a lid <3

So like. To start off it's really not a secret that I have a lot of trouble when it comes to crafting stories. This has been the case for many years, and will continue to be the case probably forever.

Challenger Deep felt like an exception to this at first, but since starting development on it my life took some turns that made it clear that CD suffers from the same and from different problems

To start with... I started using it as a vehicle for my grief at the start. Talas (especially) and Graves were both used as vehicles for my grief while I was going through stuff the past couple of years, and that inevitably bled through into The Everything.

It's not a bad thing to do this at all mind you (It helped me immensely) but it gave CD a strange foundation for me to build on that now I feel like I am at a major disconnect with, so I would like to build some more foundation around it, so to speak.

I would like to recraft the story (not rewrite it entirely because theres things i rly love, but theres others that I'd like to improve), and a lot of the lore (I feel like I closed my options a bit too much with some of it so I want to make it more expansive too. Part of why I wrote it the way it was was so I could invite friends to make stuff for CD but that did not go over well at all so I think I am going to not do that again). I just havent had the time to work on it properly, and since it's in this state where I feel like I need to "fix" it, I don't feel as passionate about it as last year so at the moment I'm letting it ride and waiting for when I'm excited to work on it again

I would like to add more characters as well and actually do justice writing-wise to the characters that are already in there too.

Also I won't lie, a big part of my investment in CD until recently was my oc ship, with Talas and Hades, and ever since I got into my current relationship I just havent thought much about them at all because I started pretty much actually living all of the shitposts and tropes I'd written and it started making me feel a bit strange to write/draw about that, so I need to fix that as well. See why I feel weird about it and what I can do to stop it and get back to those two

Additionally I've had a redesign of talas and hades' markings in my WIPs for months now. Hades is done, but on Talas' side Im not sure how to add in his bioluminescence pattern because something isnt working for me. I wanted him to be more visibly purble though with said markings. Everything else I really like, its just the glowy pattern (though watch me change the markings anyways bc im an indecesive beast)

Here's a snippet of them:

I wanted them both to have more natural fishy looking markings pretty much

So yeah, that's currently the state of things. I miss it a lot and i rly wanna work on it again proper, maybe now that I've acknowlegded it and made a post about it I will get a second wind like I've gotten before after getting The Gunk out of my chest.

If you read all that thank you I hope you have a swag day <3

#thunderclap #challenger deep #putting this in the tag in the meantime for anyone who might be curious as to why i havent really spoken about it #windyart

[forlorn-crows]

Just wanted to say I absolutely LOVE Lady of the Lake and I've reread it so many times that I should be lowkey ashamed haha BUT

I'm also very curious about Nyneve's interactions with other ghouls like Delta or Dew. How did Dew find her?

You can absolutely take this as an opportunity to ramble about it if you want :)

okay so. i admit that technically the ghoul i call Water in my fic i guess is Delta? im terribly bad at tracking who's who in the water ghoul 'lore'. but Terzo called his bass player before Mist 'Water' so thats what i went with. so please call him whatever you'd like lmao.

for anyone who needs a refresher, this is sort of all i've established about Nyneve's past interactions w/ghouls or otherwise:

Uh, how long has it been? Since you’ve met a ghoul, I mean. Rain isn’t sure what to do with himself—what to do with his hands, his limbs, any of it. He dangles in front of her like a worm on a lure, and he supposes he is one, in a way. A slice of life outside the murky waters she inhabits. But he knows he’d be her catch of the day, not the other way around. 

Many years, Nyvene says wistfully. I can sense those who venture into the water at any depth, as well as those close to the shore. But the ones who seem most closely aligned to you have never traveled as far as yourself. They were surface dwellers. Rain gives her a confused look. Not all are drawn to the depths, and that is perfectly fine for a being such as myself. But I did begin to wonder who would come next.

Dew had been telling the truth, then. Who was before me?

His name was simply Water. He was quite robust in his search, perhaps a little impatient. But he was kind to me. So I cannot fault him too much. She seems wistful, reminiscent. Rain realizes he doesn’t know much about the water ghouls before him and Dewdrop, let alone any of the ghouls that came before their current pack. 

How many before him?

Many, she says simply.

Rain swallows, more bubbles escaping his gills. How, uh—how old are you, exactly?

Hm, age is a funny thing. That can’t be good. I have existed for a long time, longer than your congregation. 

So, we didn’t, um, create you?

No, my child. Though, the dark magick running more frequently through these lands has been . . . refreshing, to put it simply.

You’ve always been here? In this lake, I mean. 

Well, as long as I can remember, yes. She chuckles.

so, you'll notice, and as a gentle reminder, Dew and Mist did not interact with her. to me, they are not a deep-water alignment as Rain is. that's not to say Dew never meets her. because he does. but he didn't interact with her prior to Rain.

i think water ghouls, and ghouls/demons in general, have more specified alignments within the elements they are 'made' of/from. just water itself can be saltwater, freshwater, deep sea, rivers/streams, storms, ice, and things of the like.

so not all of them will have desired to go to the bottom of the lake (i think its pretty deep, think some of the deeper american great lakes depth despite its overall size). the elder ghouls may have passed down the knowledge about her, and some, like Water i think, dont. maybe theyre a little selfish about her, feel like theyve been 'chosen' and that everyone else should have to discover her too. with Water (again, Delta, w/e), it was turbulent with the new summonings, the changing of ghouls and even elements. there simply wasnt time to be like 'oh yeah also theres a big tentacle lady in the lake if you want to have a fun time' you know? not his fault.

so Nyneve's def had a relationship with many a ghoul, but it hasnt been linear. it hasnt all been water ghouls either, but i think the interaction of other elements has come and gone throughout time. i havent decided if any of the 'more recent' ghouls beyond the others mentioned have met her, or just know of her.

certainly there'd be urban legends passed around amongst humans that live in the surrounding areas, so they may have heard about something in passing. esp if any of those humans happened to become siblings of the church. but humans that do know of her have never truly known who she is, and mainly just call her varelse, creature. a monster.

the poem at the end you may have noticed uses her real name, Nyneve. so we can assume someone more personally familiar with her wrote it. scribbled it in some tome somewhere about local myths and legends, or historical drafts about the abbey itself.

she's very mysterious and not even i know everything about her, haha! dark magick gone rougue, some creature that crawled up from the depths, or something created by some long forgotten god.

all this to say, Rain had to introduce Dew to Nyneve. once he got over the fact that he'd have to tell everyone else about her, considering hed come home with sucker marks all over with no real logical explanation. i think Mountain is the first one he tells, but Dew is the first one he introduces.

i really appreciate that you enjoy LOTL so much; apologies for taking a little bit to answer this, but thanks for stopping by xx

if you havent already read about Nyneve and Rain, and this sparks your interest, you can do so here:

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#ask #anon #lady of the lake #rain ghoul #water ghoul #delta ghoul #dewdrop ghoul #ghoul ocs #(not really but thats my general tag so far)

[dwarvenchords]

How Thoroughfare by Ethel Cain is the ultimate Loscar song: A Lyrical Analysis

hi this is their potential love story and i need other people to start connecting them with this song like i do because its perfect so see under break why i think thoroughfare (SPECIFICALLY SEPARATE FROM THE REST OF THE PREACHERS DAUGHTER PLOT) is the perfect story for their ship

highly recommend you listen as you go if you havent heard the song before (shes long but shes worth it)

You fell in love with America When you were twelve years old And by seventeen you knew you had to see it all

Reminds me of their relationships with racing. Since they all start so young and when they reach that older age is when its really critical to learn if they’re going to make it to Formula 1 or not.

I met you there in Texas somewhere on the thoroughfare

Its literally I met you on a road. They're young, children even, and theyre meeting for the first time on a FUCKING ROAD ASDFJOASDHF

And you said, "Hey, do you wanna see the West with me? 'Cause love's out there and I can't leave it be" And I said, "Honey, love's never meant much to me But I'll come with you if you're sure it's what you need"

Obivously “love’s never meant much to me” isn’t really accurate for these two bc racing=life buuuuuuut the "i'll come with you" is accurate to how they ran up the ranks together

But in these motel rooms I started to see you differently

Literally every single shared hotel throughout their entire fucking lives need I say more.

And he said, "It's been a long damn time since I left Florida No one left to leave and no one left to love”

Logan has been in the states for long enough that there most likely aren’t many people that he still has ties with, minus his family. Also A DIRECT FLORIDA MENTION

And we found Heaven in time Where your western sunshine met my deep Southern wet

im just gonna leave that one here

And once we reached the coast you said, "End of the line We finally reach the edge, after all this time I didn't find my love, but I still made it this far without it.”

Finally reaching F1 after devoting their entire lives to it. Reaching it together but not ~together~ ifyaknowhatimsayin

And then you turned to me and stared into me deep And said, "Well, maybe not, 'cause look at what I've got You might not be my love, but, baby, I doubt it"

Cries

'Cause in your pickup truck with all of your dumb luck is the only place I think I'd ever wanna be

<3

#loscar #logan sargeant #oscar piastri #ethel cain #thoroughfare #lyrical analysis #f1 #formula 1 #i love mother ethel #i love loscar #the two things were bound to collide #everyone should listen to this imo #hope this was intelligible #this is mostly just me vomiting my delusions

[themediummultiverseau]

Will papyrus ever be included in the storyline, maybe sans opening up to him about it, or he gets suspicious about sans's behavior and corners him or something?

Aaaand are there any prominent side characters that we'll see?

Papyrus notices that his brother has been leaving the house more, and at first, hes overjoyed! Sans was finally leaving the house! But, he realised after a while, that he always dodged the question as to where he was going. (Sans, being the secretive little fuck that he is, refuses to tell anyone about the ghosts.) Worried, Papyrus follows him one day, only to find him walking al the way to the park. And then he just stops, and starts talking to air.

Papyrus is CONCERNED (tm,) and goes back home to wait for Sans to come home. It takes him HOURS to come back, (he visits everyone he can,) and, when confronted, he once again try to avoid the questions.

Papyrus says he followed him, saw him talking to air, and was considering getting him professional help, his depression had been bad before, and if he was starting to see things now as well...

Sans is forced to tell the truth.

And he does. For the next few hours they sit and talk about the ghosts. Papyrus want to believe him, really, he does! But he cant help but still be worried, so says takes his phone out and googles "Nightmare - Prince" and shows him the results. He then goes through the lot of them, showing death reports, news articles, anything that appears really, and Papyrus finally believes him.

From then on, he insists Sans takes something for them every time he visits, and often makes them food to give (more often that not, its spaghetti,) and asks how they're doing. Sometimes, they go and Sans acts as a medium, for them, so Papyrus and the ghosts can talk directly.

Killer and Dream especially take a liking to him, while Dust is pretty scared of him (he looks way to much like his won brother its actually scary,) and always ask how he is when Sans comes without him.

Side characters.. It depends what you mean by that.

Every Sans you could ever want can exist here, they just might not haunt the town,

(i got lazy when drawing here, so its just a messy sketch but yk)

(Red - shot, epic - shrapnel, Fresh - car crash, Outer - fell)

Alternatively, most of the ghosts had family members, most of them had a Papyrus look alike, (Papyrus isn't reincarnated here, but every Sans deserves a Papyrus, even fate believes it so)

(Nim (Dream and Nightmares mother, Queen), Phantom (Dusts brother,) Horror had lots of siblings, ect...)

Buuut, while many of the original Undertale cast have been spread out throughout the years, Toriel, Chara and Frisk are all based in the present time.

Toriel, after the death of her son, adopts two kids, twins, who were considered "difficult" children, (really there were disabled, but why would they care about that, - Chara has some mental issues, and Frist is mute and has sight problems.) They're lovely kids , and they visit quite regularly, typically with their mother. Sans was named their Godfather (Papyrus was considered, but he told them Sans was a better choice, ) because Toriel knew he'd love them.

Sans and Toriel met at a comedy gig, both preforming on the same day, and became friends instantly over their shared love of stupid puns. (They're not together, this universe has no canonical relationships, everyting's platonic here, but ships are totally allowed and welcome if you wanted lol.)

Holy moly, that was a lot of work lmao, would you believe it, i dont think ive ever actually drawn Papyrus before? I have no idea why, just havent, ill have to do more so in the future cus hes fun.

Ive also never tried to draw anyone from the angle Sans is at in the first drawing, think it looks fine as long as you ignore the feet lol.

No, i didnt get lazy drawing the ghost in the first, it was a stylistic choice! /j /sarcasm, also, Hi, im Whisp, i hate backgrounds!)

Please excuse me attempt at drawing a wimple for Nim and the tricorned hat for Phantom, they're very difficult!

All of Horrors siblings there don't have names, they were just designed on the spot really, so if anyone has and names for them, ill take them on board!

But hope it all looks okay, this is all full of firsts lol. Have a lovely day everyone! :)

#sans au #undertale multiverse #undertale art #undertale au #undertale #bad sanses #classic sans #classic papyrus #papyrus #sans #undertale frisk #undertale chara #dreamtale au #dreamtale nim #dusttale papyrus #fell sans #fresh sans #outer sans #epic sans #horror sans #dust sans #cross sans #nightmare sans #killer sans #bad sans gang #MMAU #askthemmau TheMediumMultiverseAU

[yuukei-yikes]

That post str Harutaka angst hurts my heart a little but I do want it

HEH. CONFLICT IS SO FUN OKAY. haruka and takane get along too well i need a little something to have fun with.... also thank u for sending this im totally using it as an excuse to talk about it. i went crazy in this ask sorry

ok. i KNOW forward by winterhats exists...... and thank god it does 🙏in case u havent read it erm read it. thats like harutaka content 101... not to spoil stuff but something about haruka not telling takane abt his condition Does take place in that fic. but the thing with that fic is haruka has no memories.... (post str no memory haruka is a concept i was never a fan of bc it doesnt rly make sense to me?? Still love forward though🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏) SO IM THINKING OF a canon situation with haruka remembering fine yknow...

logically i think takane would be sad rather than angry once finding out. also she'd hear it from shintaro who is the only one who knew, aside from kenjirou but he's x_x post str💔 so shintaro it is. also it's such a shintaro thing to do isnt it?? accidentally mention it to takane or assume she knew and realise he messed up like, way too late. like he already said it like 5 times before he realised takane is asking him to repeat it so many times precisely because SHE DIDN'T KNOW

like i said i think its kinda a fragile thing because God its so sad. how could u even get mad at someone for choosing not to say they're dying. so yeah logically takane Would be mostly sad about both the sad reality haruka was living AND how she wasn't told, because to her it means haruka didnt trust her or maybe felt he couldnt count on her.

im abt to overanalyse: personally from a writing point of view i think the reason haruka doesnt tell takane is because headphone actor was already written and the narrative where takane doesnt know was already there. haruka's 1 year to live thing was written a lot after, with over the dimension. but besides that: from a character standpoint, of course haruka wouldn't tell takane. she is the last person he wants to worry and the one he wants the most happy memories with. and something important about haruka and takane's relationship is the fact neither knows much about each others conditions. in both their povs upon introducing each other to the audience, they both explain their illnesses briefly. they both say "i havent asked much". to me its always been about haruka and takane deeply relating to each other about people feeling sorry for them. so they dont owe each other the explanations theyre so used to giving to others! so to me, haruka doesnt tell takane because 1.he doesnt want her to worry more than she already does 2.he wants to have happy memories of her 3. related to that, doesnt want her to look at him differently. she is the one person who gets it. if he were to come clean abt it, he'd lose it. besides, haruka tells shintaro by the time he's like. LOSING HIS MIND and really deeply depressed abt the situation. kenjirou also knows... but haruka's father could've told him since its mentioned they used to be colleagues. personally i think haruka told him himself, since he also mentions kenjirou is the only adult he's ok sharing stuff with, so in a way its implied if ur delusional like me.

erm. anyways. i got a little sidetrack IM GONNA GET TO IT OKAY its just, haruka's dying words for takane man. don't cry anymore, you're gonna meet so many new people, etc. he basically tells her he is just 1 person in the long long life he assumes she will have. theyre best friends, he knew takane would mourn him terribly and thats why he thinks all that stuff he cant actually tell her.. augh haruka's goodbye to takane always gets me so so badly. bc he KNEW... like, ene lives in so much regret for not telling haruka how she felt but haruka died knowing she loved him. even if he didnt know it was romantic, he still knew she loved him :( i was going somewhere with this. (pacing around my room) oh yeah. his dying words. haruka doesn't convey all this to takane while he has the chance because of the stuff i said before but the most important was number 3. he doesnt want takane to look at him differently. plus everything he says while he is dying... god id post the whole screenshot. but he says "dont get mad at anyone but me" "please dont cry anymore" "im so sorry youve given me so much and i couldnt give back" he... doesn't Want to see takane upset. he knows she will be upset anyway but its like. at least he wont be around to see it, in a way. we could see this as kind of selfish but like The guy's dying come ON. i think he has the right to do that. lol.

WELLLL COMING BACK TO THE ORIGINAL APPROACH LMAO.. takane finding out post str....... i went on that tangent to defend haruka precisely cuz i dont think takane would be genuinely mad. its a tricky situation and its not like she can be like WELL BUT U KNEW AND U DIDNT WARN ME!?!?!?!? Like THAT IS a pretty lame position to take. HOWEVER. CONFLICT (PUTS HANDS DOWN) i think takane just needs to be mad

WHILE TAKANE WOULD BE MORE UPSET THAN MAD she IS also super impulsive. like insanely impulsive <- finds out she loves haruka and immediately runs for it even if it terrified her. so in the spur of the moment she blows up on haruka about it LOL like as SOON as she finds out. like i imagine she probably hears it from shintaro and like immediately leaves mid conversation to go find haruka and yell at him. that kind of thing.

and haruka's all like 😨😨😨 and he's stuttering cuz HE HAS AN ANSWER ABT WHY HE DIDNT TELL HER IT JUST SOUNDS RLY BAD LIKE "ERM I DIDNT WANT TO SEE U UPSET❤️" like in over the dimension haruka does get pretty nervous when takane starts pressing even if its as a joke. so especially with something so sensitive he has no idea what to do. i think he'd try to be all composed though bc its Post Str and idk str haruka is so. ethereal he is so calm isn't he. i think he would get nervous initially and then get himself together but ends up coming off as dismissive. so hes like i didnt tell you.....because i didnt want to❤️ and takane probably just needed to be mad for a little bit and was gonna get over it and be sad but hearing that just makes her so damn upset for realsies and haruka notices how she changed from😡 to 😐 and hes immediately like oh takane.... no... i didnt mean it like that...i just mean...OH DONT MAKE THAT FACE I DIDNT MEAN IT... and takane's like NOO DONT TOUCH ME WHATEVER IM LEAVINGGG unnecessary conflict in a romcom vibes

conflict probably lasts like. a day or something. a week tops. its harder for haruka than for takane. takane finds it a little refreshing i think its also cool to link it to all the other headcanons abt haruka being super desperate to be in company because erm Daze confinement gang🙏💥 while takane's a little like. i havent had a minute to myself in 11 days. so this distance actually helps her a little while haruka is like Hour 5 without my girlfriend I've cried so much i cant see anymore

they both feel like shit and do spend the time trying to see the situation from each other's perspectives though so takane realises she's being self centered and stupid and admits she just wanted to be angry and took it out on the first thing she could grasp at. but it was unfair. takane will apologize first and probably tells him she doesn't need or want him to "protect" her feelings and wants him to count on her from now onward. haruka's like *nod nod nod nod nod nod* and thanks her for apologizing. hed try to also apologize but takane doesnt accept it bc he wasnt wrong it was her who was unfair. hehe. i think he'd be crying so hard too bc to him its all these feelings coming back abt how he felt when he died and all the things he thought of telling her then. maybe he would tell her abt it, like i was thinking about all the people you'd meet and how u should be happy and not cry for me. and how in disbelief he still is that theyre together. sorry im. auauggagaggsgsggqgggg

all this just for me 2 enjoy the mental image of the little time in between where theyre awkward around each other and takane wants a little distance for a bit. i think itd be funny to see haruka being totally pathetic abt takane not paying attention to him. anyways. yeah. something like that i guess

#kagenalysis #headcanons #harutaka #ask tag

[epros]

hey guys do you remember when i first got into milgram and made a crazy post about haruka? im about to ramble a bit because i dont feel like making something more in depth but remember when in that post i talked about how my first impression of the girl hes with as a child was not his sister 9or friend???) but his idealized self? well i decided afterwards that both of those things can be true and the release of “all knowing all-agony” solidified that for me hey. dont walk away. let me explain. (deckard cain voice) stay a while and listen... its obvious that harukas relationship with his parents (particularly his mother) is very fraught. they clearly dont care for him. when they have a daughter who is “normal” (not an effeminate ‘son’ who is developing differently than other children) (because haruka is autistic) (if you get it you get it) they stop pretending to care about haruka and focus on the daughter instead and haruka is like what the fuck 😐... haruka killed her for 2 reasons: 1. because he was sick of being neglected by their parents who favored her, particularly their mother because idk the dad has to be absent or a serial killer considering haruka didnt even attempt to latch onto him for approval in the absence of his mothers love (dad does not want a girly “son” even if said son will join the serial killer business) (i cannot explain this further at the moment but it makes sense if youre me or tshirt) (to be brief the fact haruka had been previous validated for killing someone/something and thinks killing Again will totally earn more love and validation is so strange and makes no sense even in the context of if the death was because of his parents taxidermy hobby because theres a stark difference in killing an animal and killing a person and most taxidermied animals are already dead not killed For The Sake Of Taxidermy in this the year of 2022 so someone is a serial killer) and 2. because he was like well there can only be one girl here and youre a REAL girl which is not fair . But if youre gone i will be the girl again. #win the fact all knowing all agony starts with lines like “why was i born like this / why does it hurt so much?” and “you kept calling me ‘hopeless’, you never called me by my name / you were always comparing me to someone else / you were always generous, except towards me / i will definitely make you love me again” and him going into his mothers(?) jewelry drawer and taking a necklace (that might have been his sisters 🤨✍????) is like. there is something happening here. the insistence that “i wasnt wrong, i wasnt wrong” (which was also present weakness) during the chorus, along with pleas for someone to “hug me again as you once did” and “dont leave me alone, dont leave me” and, like the beginning of the song, “why was i born like this? why does it hurt so much?” just makes the soup in my brain start bubbling the real meat of what im trying to talk about comes from lines like “i just wanted to be your good boy. why am i crying again?” and “i will keep on killing to be a good boy”. near the end we also get “why was i born to be me? why does it hurt so much?” like, his mother only validated him when he was a “boy”, and he was killing. apparently. but doing this is painful for him. existing as a boy and also killing people(?) (things?) for attention isnt something haruka particularly wants to do but its what gets the attention he needs. i havent forgotten that in weakness he asked “how many more times do i have to do this so i can be human?” implying if he does not kill he is not human enough. but also his mother was clearly distraught at the end of the video when haruka was on a pile of animal corpses (which was an awesome visual just btw) theres something going on anyway the point im winding to is haruka is a girl actually and maybe her dad is a serial killer (who knows) her mom sucked and maybe she killed her sister out of frustration and neglect and also because she wanted to steal her gender (but haruka was a girl before her sister came into the picture make no mistake she did not decide to become a girl because her sister got more attention and love than she did. but it did prove to her in her mind that oh well if im a girl then 🤨... like do you get it?)

tshirt put it thusly after we watched all knowing all agony: “i'm just like. narrativizing this in my head like "oh and haruka self consciously models himself after specific women in order to gain their approval and also disavow the femininity as emerging intrinsically from him-- btw also his dad is killing people" which i think sums up what im trying to say because ive just kind of been on a stream of consciousness ramble because i fell asleep thinking about harukaisms last night truly i cant get over the repetition of lines like “why was i born like this why does it hurt so much” “i wanted to be your good boy / why am i crying again” like im sorry but there is something so gender about taking on the habits of the women around you and being agonized by the fact you are not physically like them and crying over being a boy but wanting to be a boy because its what you “are” and the only thing your parents will see you as and they are the only source of love and validation you have in your life even though they are not validating or loving you and resent you the more you try to gain their affections. LIKE MAKE IT MAKE SENSE ? also i think its really funny if harukas dad IS a serial killer because we have someone like kotoko who is gungho for vigilante justice so much so she beat the shit out of an 11 year old cult survivor (i wont forgive milgram fandom for voting amane guilty btw) and mikoto who is so stressed by familial responsibility and work that he started disassociating and beat a guy to death with a baseball bat and also shidou botched surgeries for reasons currently unclear (finger paresthesia? moving a loved one up on the organ donor list? both?) and its just like. haruka with the actual lucid serial killer dad. who also kills people because she feels like she has to. i dont know its just really funny to think about... (theres also futas whole thing and kazuis and yunos but they arent killers. probably. futa wasnt a willfully malicious murderer he just accidentally doxxed a woman alongside the guy who was sexually harassing her and social pressure drove her to suicide. kazui is a closeted gay man with a wife who may or may not have killed herself. i wrote a whole thing about it remember? and yuno had an abortion. which like, is against the law, especially if she didnt have the ‘fathers’ consent to do it, and depending on the method of abortion. mahiru has something going on idfk if shes a stalker or what. and then theres haruka and muu. muu is so funny spoiled rich lesbian schoolgirl who is feeling super validated that her murder was justified because she was being bullied and now she has haruka to yank around. falling back on her old ojou-sama hobbies. good for her) milgram is so funny.... anyway tl;dr i do think haruka displayed girl power when she murdered her sister(?) and whoever or whatever else she might have killed for attention and voting her innocent/forgiven is the best option (because its the funniest option for her future development)

#milgram #sakurai haruka #you all should have voted mikoto innocent too because it would have been funny #you see it isnt about what is 'best' for the characters interests and positive character development its about what is funniest #fandom said they cared about 'positive character development' and voted amane guilty like get real #anyway #i forgot to preface the post but i talk about haruka being a girl and murder and abortion and animal death #just fyi

[brw]

Do you not like Tom kings vision series? I havent read the whole thing myself but most people I see say it’s really great so I’m curious why you have mixed feelings

I mean, it's like, fine, if still IMO a fairly mediocre reading experience considering what Tom King's tone is for a lot of his work, if you have very little prior experience with The Vision.

The thing is that King has admitted before to not being able to explain massive characteristion changes and I think it shows a general lack of understanding of the character he was writing. The Vision (2015) isn't actually a Vision story; I think it would have actually worked incredibly well as an Ultron story, but it's not a story written with Vision in mind imo, it feels more like Vision just happened to be the character he was handed and now we have this.

See like, the cornerstone of his Vision series is that Vision wants to assimilate into human culture entirely, and be entirely accepted by them. This to me feels stupid, because like two years ago in Avengers A.I. Vision was a big advocate for treating A.I. as separate but respected people and was very clearly not trying in any way to be human, but in fact was showing a continuation to becoming more inhuman, more machine-like as their own self expression evolved. Cut two years, and now Vision is in a suit trying out the 9 to 5? Like what?

And the choice of Virginia was just strange, because prior to this Vision and Wanda had an extremely tense relationship. In AvX, one of the biggest events of the time, Vision actively tells Wanda to leave after murdering them via She-Hulk and seemed just generally incredibly angry towards her for doing something like that. Like yes this is bad writing, but it's also the literal first issue of that event but suddenly Vision wants to be with Wanda again so bad they will make a robot with the express purpose to only be their wife to be with her? Suddenly all Vision did to argue for their own personhood and their own autonomy, just generally as an android but also as someone with the brainwaves of Simon, doesn't matter because they want a nuclear family and picket fence?

Like the whole thing was just not considered with Vision's character and Vision's history. And I don't expect King to be going through the backlogs of like 90s Marvel Premiere or whatever but Avengers A.I. ended in like 2013. That was a recent comic and a recent point of characterisation where Vision had a major role, but almost no trace of that is there beyond the vague callback when Vision kills Victor Mancha.

It just to me showed a very poor understanding of who Vision was and kind of spits in the face of what Vision stands for in my opinion. Vision has never to me been a story about assimilation, but instead about building your own identity and your own life in the face of hardship and bigotry, of perseverance. Yes, I think Vision maybe during the Englehart era and that one time they tried to take over the world did crave assimilation, but to me the whole arc over the 90s and Busiek and Geoff Johns' Vision and Avengers A.I. was Vision slowly but surely coming to accept themself as they were. And seeing what had felt a very good continuation of stories for like 20, 30 years be ignored is just... puzzling and again shows to me that this story was never supposed to be about Vision, it was about the story Tom King wanted to tell.

Which is fine, but I don't think this stuff then belongs in like a medium where a big chunk of its allure is consistent characterisation built off the collective of hundreds of writers. So reading so many comics and coming to this that clearly doesn't fit and was never supposed to is just. annoying to me. lol.

#asks #anonymous #i had a tom king hate tag but i dont remember it alas! #the vision

[ankhisms]

thought a lot about art today as i mentioned earlier.. this will be very jumbled rambling but i shall now expand

after my mom and i got groceries today we stopped at this building that was hosting an art showing of a local art group, my mom wanted to go because she recently sort of reconnected with a lady she went to college with and this womans paintings were in the art showing so she wanted to see. we both ended up not being very impressed with the majority of the work at the showing, the lady who my mom knew probably had the paintings that i liked the most even without knowing beforehand that it was her. i always try to be very fair when it comes to art and im of the mind that even if i dont like a certain style or a certain piece of art that doesnt make it bad or devoid of meaning and doesnt mean its not meaningful and good to someone else, and i think art is something that every person is capable of doing in some fashion no matter your skill levels or capabilities theres so many ways to create art and thats what makes art so beautiful and amazing and deeply human. i really am aware that in the past ive been surrounded by very unhealthy and toxic mindsets when its come to art and its ended up hurting me and my growth as an artist and im still unlearning and working through allowing myself to be messy and make "bad" art.

so with that being said at the same time ive had this weird feeling that im not entirely comfortable with where like.. i looked at a lot of the paintings that were supposed to be realistic landscapes or still life and thought "i could paint this better". and i dont like having that thought. it feels petty and mean spirited. i dont want to be someone who thinks theyre better than others, and honestly my thoughts about myself and my creative work are usually the complete opposite. but for some context all of the women artists in this show were 60-70 years old and almost all of them had some kind of art degree, ranging from bachelors to masters degrees in art and several of them are art professors or teachers. one of them specifically whos paintings did not impress me is a painting teacher at my old college. all of them are clearly coming from wealthier backgrounds than me and my family and i should note that all of them are white, there were no women of color having their work showcased in this.

and it just feels very strange because its like i dont like having the thought "i could do a better painting than this" but at the same time... these ladies all have had so many more opportunities than me and my mom as artists and its like. from looking at the paintings of the one painting professors i felt almost relieved that i didnt take art classes at college when before i had felt kind of sad that i didnt have time in my schedule to take any art classes, because like it was very clear looking at these paintings that this lady doesnt have very basic art theory stuff in mind that i have taught myself with no real art schooling.

but then again i circle back into thinking about how i dont think people should have to have any real technical training in order to do art and people certainly dont have to go to school in art to be an artist yknow as i said before i think every person is capable of creating things and that art is a deeply human thing that is within each of us

i think its just weird because i know how privledged these women are, moreso than my mother and i, and they all are so much older than me and are supposed to be professional artists and yet its like you havent even done really basic stuff where your still life and your landscape look worse than the paintings i was doing in highschool. part of me feels like im just being bitter and maybe i am. i genuinely think my mother is an amazing artist thats not just me being biased because im her child ive talked before about my complex relationship with my mother but she genuinely is skilled and dedicated to her craft she works her ass off to have our family just scrape by and she works on her art whenever she has a little bit of time and the pieces she does are so beautiful and breath taking. but she was talking about how we dont have the money to properly frame any of her work and real frames like the ones in that showing cost a lot of money and part of me just has this anger inside me like. why do these rich ladies with their mediocre paintings get to be in galleries and be art teachers when my mom and her beautiful artwork doesnt stand a chance of ever getting in a gallery. and then i start thinking of all the amazing artists i know or follow online and how many of them are just struggling to stay alive and get their basic needs met and i get even angrier.

so yeah i dont really know if im contridicting myself by feeling that art should be accessible to everyone and that everyone is capable of doing art and wanting to encourage artists at all levels and not be an asshole needlessly to artists but at the same time. i was not impressed and felt bitter i guess. because of the rich ladies paintings. then again these ladies are calling themselves professionals and putting their work in galleries so i guess its not the same as just like seeing art online like i guess you have to expect people to critique you if youre calling yourself an art professional and having your work be displayed. anyway thanks if you read this love you