#maybe it’s bc i feel like these people owe me closure and reassurance now that i never got before

[gazelonger]

people you care about leaving via ghosting you is truly awful bc you try and try to get them to come back--what made them want to leave in the first place? everything seemed okay in the relationship, and if they were moving on or if something was wrong, surely they would tell you and try to answer your questions before they go. but they don't. and you beg & apologize & debase yourself because you don't know what else to do to get their attention & you just want to understand. but all the while they never bother explaining to you why they're leaving & they just Do Not come back, especially never how they used to be. & how are you not supposed to blame yourself for that? how are you not supposed to believe that they just don't care about you anymore, or maybe even hate you now? yes, things in life happen, yes we go through hard times. but don't we owe it to people we've established trust/love with to explain, to reassure? we do, we do. we owe explanations to people that we've established trust with! it's hard to talk about vulnerable things, yes, but the damage is so less profound for everyone involved if there is a conversation first. leaving without explanation/conversation shows me that you don't respect me or care about me, and all i can think is that i must have done something wrong or that you never really cared for me at all. i don't like to think that i've been choosing the wrong people to surround myself with because i think highly of the people i love, so the only common factor is myself. there is no closure and there is no reconciliation. moving forward, too, it becomes harder to envision that anyone, anyone, is going to stay, even the people you feel closest to. and it really, really sucks. i don't know how to fix this within me. i don't think this break will ever be repaired.

#vent

[bitchc0ck]

how do you keep the past from popping up like a ghost? how do you, once again, mourn the past you’ve moved on from?

#things 2 talk abt in therapy #maybe it’s bc i feel like these people owe me closure and reassurance now that i never got before #even tho they owe me nothing. but i’m selfish. maybe that’s why i hold on to everything.