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prince-rowan-of-the-forest · 1 year

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(Vi)vianne Marie Zephyr (1/2)

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Here’s a list of things that Vivianne Marie Zephyr knew.

One, she was twelve years old.

Two, twelve-year-olds should not be trusted to make their own decisions.

Three, twelve-year-olds didn’t know anything about themselves or the world. (at least, according to her extended family they didn't.)

Four, Vivianne is not a girl.

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| Ao3 | Next -> |

Warnings:

Virgil gets deadnamed, mostly by himself but also by people who don't know he's trans.

Pairings: Virgil & Remus

Word Count: 5535

Notes:

This fic is basically exploring Virgil's story more or less up to the point of 'Mine is a World of Rooftops and Love Songs', the first chapter especially focuses on him discovering that he's trans. Because of this there's a lot of deadnaming/using the wrong pronouns for him at the start because he's learning.

This is also written from the perspective of a twelve-year-old learning about the idea of being trans for the first time, so obviously he's not going to get the terms exactly right, etc.

I'd also like to note that I myself am not trans, so I'll apologise now if anything here is inaccurate, feel free to correct me if the need arises.

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Disclaimer over, this fic is a precursor to 'Mine is a World of Rooftops and Love Songs', the fic I wrote for New Years exploring Virgil's backstory. This one will(should) have two parts!

I'm hoping to write a similar 'backstory' fic for every side before moving onto oneshots in the 'present day'

I've decided to name this AU Forests and Rooftops, (at least for now, I might change it if I come up with something better lol)

I'll be tagging fics from this au with 'Rowan's F&R verse' on Tumblr, and they'll all be collected in a series on Ao3 :D

Happy reading!

(and apologies for such a long note

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Here’s a list of things that Vivianne Marie Zephyr knew.

One, she was twelve years old.

Two, twelve year olds should not be trusted to make their own decisions.

Three, twelve year olds didn’t know anything about themselves or the world. (at least, according to her extended family they didn't.)

Four, Vivianne is not a girl.

Now Vivianne knows very well that she has girl parts and long hair and because of that everyone seems to think it’s ok to pester her-

Actually, if she’s not a girl, surely she shouldn’t use girl words to refer to herself, like those pesky ‘she’ pronouns that made her feel all icky and gross whenever anyone talked to her.

Maybe she should try ‘he’ instead. That’s what all the boys used. Now she- no, he - wasn’t sure if he - ok no stop that thought, the ‘he’ actually made her- him? Feel really good, all warm and fuzzy inside.

Ok, well that’s the first step. Vivianne was a ‘he’ not a she.

Obviously this revelation didn’t come immediately or all of a sudden.

She- he - had always hated it when her- his! ( Why was this so hard? It was what he wanted for gods sake!) parents called him a girl, especially hated it when they called him their little princess, or tried to style his hair or make him wear a dress for some fancy occasion. Couldn’t they see that he wasn’t a girl? Weren’t parents supposed to know that kind of stuff?

Oh well. Vivianne thought as he was going into his seventh grade homeroom for the first time after a summer moping by himself in his room doing nothing as usual. Maybe his parents just didn’t realise. Maybe he should tell them, but- uh- later. Once he’d figured out everything himself first.

Because at the moment, though he had concluded that he liked ‘he’ much, much better than ‘she’. Vivianne was still only twelve years old, and he still had a lot to learn.

—-

It took almost a week for Vivianne to get used to referring to himself with the different pronouns in his head but he was pretty sure he’d gotten it down by now. Despite that, though, he still didn’t tell anyone. He was pretty sure the other kids in his class would laugh at him, and he didn’t really have any friends he could talk to about it either. So for now, he decided he’d just do his own research. (Oh, he really really liked he pronouns).

So, that weekend, Vivianne walked to the local library, wearing the biggest and cozyist hoodie he owned (both for comfort and anonymity, even at only twelve years old, Vivianne knew that gossip at their school spread like wildfire and he didn’t want to be called a nerd on top of everything else). At the library he sat himself down at one of the old computers, pulled an empty notebook out of his bag as well as a few pens and started researching.

Now it might be weird that he did his research in the public library instead of within the safe confines of his own home, but he wasn’t quite sure about what adults would think about him not being a girl yet, especially not his parents. His parents were the last people he wanted to know about this right now, not when he wasn’t sure.

His researching took up a lot of the cool Saturday afternoon. He learned about a lot of new terms and ideas, things like ‘trans’ and ‘nonbinary’. He discovered that he wasn’t weird for not feeling like a girl and he definitely wasn’t the only one. He learned that there were also girls who had originally been boys, and people who didn’t feel like either. He discovered that there were people who sat at every point inbetween and even some people who didn’t fit on the spectrum at all.

There were so many more pronouns out there too, more than just ‘he’ and ‘she’. There was ‘they’, for starters, and then whole anthologies of other sets that he’d never even heard of. (He was a little intimidated by how large the list of neo-pronouns he found was, so he just wrote down the term and underlined it a few times in red, hoping it would remind him to come back to it later). He tried out ‘they’ pronouns on himself for now, by whispering them under his breath. They didn’t give him the same fuzzy feeling as ‘he’ did, but it still felt considerably better than the thought of ‘she’ so he would accept it.

The research session had been groundbreaking and he walked home swinging his arms back and forth, happy with the pages he’d filled up with notes.

—

“Vivianne?”

A few weeks later, when someone called him by his name he found himself so overcome with revulsion at the thought of that name belonging to him that he almost didn’t even respond to the teacher who had called on him. Because of the shock, he had muddled up the words he had been trying to say in response to her question and ended up being laughed at by most of the class. He shrank back into his seat, mumbling the last of his answer so quietly that the person sat beside him had to repeat it for the teacher.

So, Vivianne didn’t like that name. Which, now that he thought about it, actually featured in his research a little. He remembered a section about how trans people (which he had concluded was what he probably was) as well as other’s who didn’t identify with their birth gender quite often chose new names.

Now that he considered it, he hadn’t always been as comfortable with the name his parents had given him as he had thought. It was a nice name, objectively, it would have been a lovely name if he had actually been a girl and he was sure he would’ve loved it in that case. But… well he wasn’t a girl, he was aware of that much by now, so obviously ‘Vivianne’ didn’t fit.

For a few days, he tried referring to himself as ‘Viv’ instead. It was just a short version of ‘Vivianne’ and his parents called him that sometimes anyway, a nickname at best and it still felt pretty feminine. After that it was shortened just a little more to ‘Vi’.

‘Vi’ stuck for much longer than Viv had. He’d managed to co-erce his parents into calling him Vi as a new nickname and it felt good, much better than Vivianne, or even Viv. He liked the ‘V’ sound. For some reason there still felt like something was missing. Vi wasn’t his . Not in the way he thought a name should be. But it was good, better than Viv and definitely better than Vivianne. He liked it, even if it wasn’t perfect, he could search for something better later and use Vi for now. Until he found his name.

—-

About three quarters of the way through seventh grade, Vi cut his hair.

It had been in the spur of the moment and he regretted it immediately. Regretted it so much it almost brought him out of his current mental breakdown and into another one.

He had an awful day at school. The teachers kept picking on him to answer questions even though he could hardly ever find words to speak normally in school nowadays. At lunch a group of older girls had been picking on him for hiding himself away in the corner and he’d ended up going to the nurse with a scraped up knee where he fell trying to get away. His favourite hoodie had ended up getting covered in dirt and mud where he fallen. And then of course he’d had to go back to class, where everyone had laughed at him for not being able to answer a question he was picked on for because he just couldn’t force himself to speak.

During the walk home he’d worked himself up into a panic, thoughts spinning round and round his head and everything was just so much bigger and brighter than it usually was.

“Hey Vi!” His mother called from somewhere inside the house when he opened the door, “How was school, sweetheart?”

Vi didn’t answer, instead he burst into tears right there on the spot, unable to hold it in anymore. He choked back a sob and ran for the stairs, slamming his door and collapsing on the bed. He couldn’t breath, no matter how tight he curled himself he couldn’t get himself to take even breaths through the sobs.

And then he looked up, and though the tears he saw his reflection in the mirror.

He saw his long black hair, hair that fell in thick waves down his back. Now pooled around his tiny curled up form like a shawl. It made him sick. Every time he looked in a mirror, every time he saw his reflection, every time someone called him a girl .

Before he could think, Vi was standing again on shaky legs. He stood in front of the mirror, looking into his own wide blue eyes, his pale skin, his hair that fell over his shoulders. He looked like a girl. It made him so angry.

In one swoop, he grabbed the scissors from his desk and cut off the chunk that hung over his shoulder.

‘Her hair looks so beautiful!’

‘Such pretty hair for a beautiful little girl’

‘I would kill for hair like hers’

‘I would love to braid her hair…’

With each thought came another chunk, everything people would say to him, every comment about how lovely his hair was and how he should never cut it, until there was hardly anything left to cut. His hair made him a girl, and now it was gone. It felt almost a little like he’d cut away a part of himself. He felt lighter, almost, relieved, maybe.

And then he realised what a mistake he had made.

He stood in his room, finally calmer than before, but his floor was covered in hair, his hand holding the scissors was still shaking and all he could think was that his mum was going to kill him for this.

It looked horrific. He had cut some bits far too short and now they stuck out from his head, his bangs were now the only part of his hair that looked presentable, being the only part he didn’t touch. The rest of his hair made him look a little like he’d been mauled.

Some parts were cut so short he could see his scalp.

Cutting his hair hadn’t made him look like a boy. It had just made him look stupid, he would be a laughing stock.

He didn’t know what to do. So for a long while he just stood there, staring at his own reflection as silent tears dripped down his face. What the hell would happen now? What would his parents say when they found out? He’d get in so much trouble, and then- school was a whole other issue.

If he was already being bullied for barely speaking and altogether being skinny and small for his age, Vi would be bullied tenfold for this, he’d have the whole school after him, if his parents didn’t murder him first.

Speak of the devil, someone knocked on the door.

“Vi… honey? Are you in there?” His mother called through the door, “I heard you crying before, may I come in?”

“N-no-!” Virgil said as loud as he could, it was still barely an inside voice, “Please- don’t.”

“Alright,” She said, “I won’t come in, but… if you’re up for talking you can come to the door?”

Vi sniffed, before taking a deep breath that ended up choked by a sob. In the end he was able to step over the hair and sit down with his back to the bedroom door.

“I- I’m here,” Virgil said, resting his chin on his knees and trying to wipe some of the tears from his face. He could hear shifting on the other side of the door. His mum must be sitting down as well.

“Good,” She said, her voice quiet, “Now, are you ok?”

“No,” Vi said miserably, he wasn’t ok, he really wasn’t. Not right now. He knew by now that keeping his feelings a secret was no way to deal with them, this kind of conversation- with the bedroom door between them- had been happening since Vi had his own room in the house. There was no point keeping his feelings from her anyway, she could always tell, somehow, even if he didn’t tell her.

“Can you tell me what you’re feeling?” She asked, Vi squeezed his knees tighter to his chest.

“Upset, angry,” He mumbled.

“Can you tell me why?”

“School,” Vi answered, “Mostly- teachers keep calling me and- I can’t say the answer even though I know it a-and everyone laughs at me-”

“Oh sweetheart-” His mom paused, “Why are you angry?”

“At- at myself, mostly,” He almost whispered, “I… did something stupid.”

There was a long pause before his mother spoke.

“Can you tell me what you did, sweetheart?”

“I don’t- I don’t wanna,” He mumbled, “You’re- gonna be mad…”

“I won’t,” she said, “I promise you, whatever has happened I won’t be mad at you,”

“You promise?” He asked, he was still certain she’d be angry, one of his hands had come to clutch at the uneven strands of hair that jutted out from his head at odd angles now, she had always loved his hair.

“I promise,” She told him, her voice firm and reassuring. Vi still didn’t believe her, but she would find out at one point or another anyway. So he stood up, took a step back and opened the door.

She gasped when she saw him, hand flying to cover her mouth and eyes wide in shock.

Vi looked away, “I told you you’d be mad,”

“Oh honey I- I’m not mad,” She said, taking a deep breath, “Just- shocked! What happened?”

“I… I just got so angry- with- with myself and with everyone else and- I did it before I even realised what I was doing…” He said after a few deep breaths, looking away as he spoke so she wouldn’t see the tears welling up in his eyes again.

“Oh, darling that’s ok,” She said, crouching down to look up at him, “What were you so angry about?”

“Just- just the way everyone talks- and- how my hair looks so girlish and makes everyone say stupid stuff about how pretty it makes me a- and I don’t like it- so- so I just-” Vi cut off, he hadn’t meant to say that, he was trying to keep all this boy stuff a secret until he was sure about it-

“You don’t like being pretty?” His mother asked, Vi shook his head.

“No- it’s- it’s not about being pretty,” He sniffed, wiping away more tears, “It’s- it’s um, it’s that pretty is a girl thing…”

His voice was barely audible now, but she heard him and smiled fondly.

“So you don’t like girl things?” She asked. Vi nodded, hand fisting in the hem of his sweater, “Any reason why?”

“They- they make me feel uncomfortable, all icky and gross, like I’m sick,” He mumbled, oh well, he was deep enough into it now, “Cuz I’m not a girl,”

“I see,” She nodded, “If you’re not a girl, then what are you?”

“A boy,” He said, before pausing, “I think- I um- I didn’t want to tell you until I was sure… but…”

“I understand,” She nodded, before tapping his head lightly, “Now, we can fix this.”

“We can?” He asked, “Wait- you’re- you’re ok? With me not being a girl?”

“Of course we can,” She nodded, “We might need to wait for it to grow out a little bit, but we can take you to a hairdresser who can cut it however you’d like, ok? And- of course I’m ok with it! What sort of mother would I be if I stopped caring for you because you’re not a girl?”

Vi sighed in relief, slumping forwards and hugging her around the middle, she returned the gesture, squeezing him tight.

“Now, lets clean up this mess together and you can tell me all about not being a girl, okay?”

—-

The next day, Vi wore a beanie to school to cover up the absolute mess that was his hair.

He’d left his bangs out, and actually he quite liked how it ended up looking. He didn’t look as much like a girl with the beanie, and that felt… really nice.

It was weird, not having all of his hair anymore. It was weirdly relieving, even if he was absolutely terrified all day that someone would ask him a question or a teacher would ask him to remove the beanie. Or worse, that someone would take it off by force.

Which, of course, because Vi can never have a nice day, is what happened at lunch.

He was cornered by the bullies again. They were taunting him about his new lack of hair and had backed him against the wall. One of them had reached forward and snatched the beanie whilst he wasn’t looking at her and all four of the girls had gone silent before bursting out into peals of laughter. Vi had ran, trying to hold back tears until he’d gotten somewhere away from people. He’d ended up hiding himself away behind the bushes surrounding the old bike shed- it was usually quiet at this end of the school and he hoped no-one had followed him as he sank to the ground and tried to fight back tears.

“Hey!” Someone called, followed by the sound of said person forcing their way through the bushes despite there being a path just on the other side. Vi’s head snapped up to look at them and they grinned when he met their eyes, “Hey! I got your beanie back!”

Vi blinked slowly, he’d never seen this kid before, so they must not be in the same classes even though they looked the same age. He had a white streak in the front of his dark brown hair, which was cool. Bright green eyes and a curly mustache that looked to be drawn onto his face with marker. He was holding Vi’s beanie, just like he’d said, and was still grinning ear to ear.

“Oh right, you don’t talk much, do you?” He said, “I heard rumours, but anyway, here,”

He came over and held out the beanie. Vi hesitated, before reaching out to take it. The stranger grinned, before turning and slumping down next to him with a thud, making Vi jump.

“So! What’s the story with the hair?” He asked, leaning forward, “Oh, wait, what’s your name? I’m Remus!”

Vi made a quiet noise, trying to collect his thoughts. Should he tell Remus his name? He should tell him his real name, right? But then Remus would call him that- but then what if he changed Vi and then- well, Remus probably wouldn’t stick around long enough for that anyway, so… maybe it didn’t matter what he said, or, didn’t say because no matter how hard he tried, the words ‘I’m Vi’ wouldn’t make their way out of his mouth. He huffed, before reaching for his bag and grabbing a notepad and opening it to the front page. He turned it to face Remus and tapped the inside front cover, on which he’d written ‘Vi’s Research Notebook’.

“He speaks! Speaks through the book, at least!” Remus cheered and Virgil was immediately stunned by the use of ‘he’ because to everyone else he was a girl, being called ‘he’ by someone else felt almost like a metaphorical punch to the gut, but… in a good way? “Um- why’re you looking at me like that?”

Vi shrugged uselessly, though he couldn’t seem to get that astounded expression off of his face.

“Was it cuz I called you ‘he’? Cuz that’s just what I thought you were- I couldn’t really tell by looking at you-”

Virgil cut him off by shaking his head, frantically tapping the book where, underneath his name he had written down ‘He/him’. Well, at least this book was coming in useful now.

“Oh great! Me too!” Remus grinned, “Wait then why were you looking at me weird?”

Vi paused, taking a deep breath before flicking to the back of the book and grabbing a pen, writing quickly: ‘Most people think I’m a girl, that’s why I cut my hair.’

“Oooooh!” Remus nodded after leaning forward to read the words, and Vi was once again stunned, because… that was ok? “Well you did a real shoddy job but I respect the effort! So, Vi, what’s school really like? I’m new see and I’ve just gotten out of doing tours and stuff with my stupid brother cuz for some reason they thought it’d be best to leave me with someone I knew even though my brother’s a donkey.”

Vi couldn’t help but let out a soundless laugh, something he tried not to do in school- mainly because people would prod at him for it. He hated questions from them most of all. He grabbed his pen again and wrote down ‘Why’d you join late?’ on the line below the previous statement. This was actually a pretty good way to communicate with someone who was actually willing to wait a second for his answers. Maybe he should talk to his parents about it.

“Oh ‘cuz a few years ago I skipped a grade but like all this year I’ve been in hospital so they put me back where I was supposed to be cuz I missed most of this year.”

He hummed, nodding along while he fidgeted with some grass, before flicking through the book and opening it to a double page on which he had written down things he’d noticed about the teachers- which would let you off with homework, who was best to go to with problems, who was worst. Once Vi was pretty sure Remus had read enough of the page to get the gist, he flicked back to the back and wrote ‘I can show you all the good hiding spots are too.’

“Perfect!” Remus grinned, bouncing a little, “I think we’re gonna get along great, new friend!”

—-

It turned out that Vi only shared one of his classes with Remus, which was annoying because he might have been able to get through all of the bullying about his hair if he had a friend with him (he’d never really had one of those before, wasn’t that exciting?). But for now he was stuck being passed notes with horribly ugly drawings of him, or whispered name calling and even more notes that called him mean names.

At least even after learning Vi’s real name Remus kept calling him Vi, and kept using ‘he’ too, even though people called him weird for it. It made Vi very happy, which was all that seemed to matter where Remus was concerned.

—-

It was only a few days later, after he’d spent lunch behind the bike shed with Remus (it turned out to become a good meeting spot) that his teacher had arrived late to class.

Usually a teacher being late would mean extra time to chat with your classmates. Usually the three kids who already had phones would be gathered around while they played some stupid video of kittens chasing lights, or something else that they considered funny enough to save to their phones.

Not today though, because a teacher being late to Vi’s class meant that the kids in the class who liked to pick on him could gang up on him like they did during lunch.

Someone spooked him from behind his desk, making him flinch and cover his head.

“Not even gonna stand up for yourself? Scrawny little freak?” Someone called from over his head, Virgil only squeaked pathetically and curled up further in his chair as someone pushed him roughly, almost enough to move the chair itself, “Look at her! She’s so pathetic!”

“What’s wrong? Cant hide behind your hair anymore?” Someone else mocked, “Oh yeah, cuz you hacked it all off, what’d you use again, a hedgecutter?”

“She does look a little like a dead bush,” A boy commented, “She looks a little like the thing my dad ran over in the road this morning!”

The people around him broke out into noises that were a mix of disgust and laughter, Vi just curled further into his seat, gripping his own arms in a death grip as the other students continued to poke and prod at him.

“Hey!” Someone yelled over the noise of the students, Vi shuddered, even without looking he could feel the magic from whoever this kid was, and Vi doubted he was even doing anything right now, “What’re you all doing? Get away from her!”

Most of the students paused then, turning to face the voice, some of them whispered.

“It’s him!” They said, “The kid who lives in the forests with the faeries !”

“Really? I thought that was just a rumour!” They said.

“I’ve seen him going with my own eyes!” They said, “It’s true! He goes in and comes out, every time, completely fine and safe!”

“Is he cursed? Does he have magic? Is he a faerie himself?”

“No need for all the whispers,” The someone they were all talking about called over the frenzied whispers, silencing them immediately, “Why don’t we all calm down and go to our seats, ok?”

“Or what?” Someone with more bravery than common sense yelled from the crowd, “You’re gonna get your pixie friends to come and giggle at us?”

“You’d probably be smarter not to insult the fae,” The person said, “They don’t like being mocked, and they have ways of finding out…”

Most of the class had scrambled back to their seats by now. Now that the crowds were gone, Vi felt that it was safe enough to look up and when he did he saw that the only students who were still standing were Kailee, one of the girls who liked to bully him, and a boy. The boy must be the one speaking, because who else could it be. He was short, but nowhere near Vi’s level. His eyes were blue, but not in the same ghostly-pale sometimes creepy way Virgil’s were, they reminded him more of a sunny day, kind and warm, though Virgil felt the tingle of something supernatural when he looked into them too long. Instead he looked at the other boy’s hair, dirty blond and falling in waves down to his chin. Most notable, though, was the brightly coloured flower crown he wore atop his head. Intricately weaved better than anything Virgil had ever seen with what looked like real flowers, pink and baby blue and a soft yellow.

What really surprised him was the magic, though, the feeling of magic rolling off of him. Vi knew he had some kind of… sense, for magic, but it had never felt half as strong as this before… whoever this kid was…

He and Kailee stared at each other for a minute before she gave up, rolling her eyes and stomping back over to her seat. When their eyes met, the other boy smiled and gave him a thumbs up before walking away and sitting down at the edge of the room just before the teacher had come in.

…No matter who he was, Vi thought he couldn’t be anything but trustworthy.

—-

Vi never talked to the faerie boy, to be fair on him, he never talked to anyone. He also didn’t like referring to him as ‘the faerie boy’ because even though the kid was easily beautiful enough to be, he wasn’t actually fae, he just lived with them, but he didn’t have a better name to call him and Vi was far too anxious to ask. He really wanted to thank the boy for standing up for him, both the first time and the few times it happened afterwards too. Vi was so grateful to him, and probably owed him a whole lot- which might be bad, actually, if this kid really did live with the fae- but because of his intervention people had started to leave him alone.

There was always the occasional thing, someone would trip him or push him or throw little taunts or quips, but the majority of people had decided to leave him alone for the most part. It seemed that knowing Virgil was protected by the boy who befriended the faerie courts was enough deterrent for the most part.

Vi still couldn’t speak and school still wasn’t great. He and Remus still spent lunches behind the bike shed because even though Vi wasn’t followed by bullies everywhere he went now, people still stared and whispered and it made him uncomfortable. Teachers still found amusement in picking on him during class and watching him struggle to answer, in classes he didn’t share with the faerie boy people still laughed at him for it.

But it was… better. Vi decided it was much better than it had been.

—-

The rest of seventh grade passed in a blur for Vi.

Somehow, he had managed to remain friends with Remus. The rumours that had been spread hadn’t scared him off and somehow neither had Vi’s inability to speak nor his limited fashion sense (Remus had tried to persuade him to wear something other than hoodies and baggy trousers a few times to no avail over the time they spent together).

They had quickly started hanging out outside of school too, since it turned out that both of them had a lot of free time on their hands. His parents had been ecstatic to find out that he now had a friend and Remus said that his own parents were glad to have some peace and quiet for once. They’d started slowly, just with Remus coming over for an evening after school one day or another, but that had very quickly become them spending every weekend they could together. If the weather was good they’d go out, to the park mostly where they’d get ice-cream or a chocolate bar and then sit and just exist together for hours. If the weather wasn’t so good they’d spend time in Virgil’s house, or at the library- though Remus didn’t like the library that much- or the coffee shop near the school.

Vi really thought this whole thing was brilliant. He had someone he could connect with, who wanted to spend time with him. Someone who was loud and boisterous and downright intolerable at times to make up for Vi’s quiet and anxious dimeaner. They balanced each other out perfectly. Vi’s mother said it was fate, Vi didn’t believe in such things, but… he couldn’t deny that having Remus as a friend was… pretty cool.

And even more importantly, now he had someone to study for his finals with.

Since 6th grade was ending and exams were almost on top of them, Vi, of course, was already getting incredibly stressed over them. He’d found- after finally getting Remus to sit down to study after half an hour of insistence- that ssitting in his bedroom and listening to Remus ramble about whatever units they had been learning was far better in comparison than making notes on a textbook for the hundredth time. Listening to Remus made it interesting, like he was using the biology they’d been learning to tell a story without leaving any of the gross bits out. Vi had found himself laughing so hard he wheezed by the end of it and came out confident that he wouldn’t forget the bio content any time soon.

Every exam came and went with just as much stress as usual. Vi was sure he’d had more panic attacks than last year- not that he was keeping count. Even with the increased amount of panic, though, he found himself going into every exam calm- or as calm as he could, given the circumstances- after Remus found him and talked him down from his worries every time.

Having a friend made the problem so much easier for him to deal with and Vi couldn’t be more grateful for it. Remus managed to drag Vi out of his little ball of stress after every exam he had and take him to get ice-cream (something else he’d definitely had more of than last year) all whilst saying with no hint of a doubt that Vi aced them.

As summer began and Vi prepared to have Remus breaking down his door every morning for the next eight weeks, got ready to be busy over the summer for the first time in his life, he couldn’t think of anything better that he could be doing.

Finally, his life was just a little bit better.

And all it took was the knowledge that he was not a girl.

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#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #Rowans R&F verse #NewYears Verse #gpnna put the old and new tag on there in case anyone is confused #sanders sides virgil #ts virgil #virgil sanders #remus sanders #ts remus

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polaroidcats · 10 months

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CURRENT THINGS TAG

Thank you so much for tagging me @everythingbutcoldfire!! 💜

current time: 05:34am RIP ME

current activity: lounging on my bed and scrolling through tumblr whilst having all my windows open so some cold-ish (23 degrees) air can come through my windows.

currently thinking about: how i wish i could sleep some more before going to work but the heat keeps me awake

current favorite song: ohhhh why is this so hard?? maybe Born to Be Alive by Bea and her Business, at least that's the song currently stuck in my head so that's what I'll go with

currently reading:

I always read way too many books at once but that also stems from the fact that I'm in a few bookclubs so:

• Radical Intimacy by Sophie K. Rosa (on chapter 3 rn and I LOVE IT SO MUCH so far!!)

• The Utopians: Six Attempts to Build the Perfect Society by Anna Neima (we love a good Utopia!!)

• Trans Care by Hil Malatino

• The Utopia of Rules by David Graeber

okay I think that's it. My goodreads "currently reading" hasn't been under 20 books in years but some of those are more dormant than others 😅

oh and also if we're talking fanfic, the last fic I read was chapter 2 of Marauder FM, which is also the reason why I'm extra tired today but so worth it!!

currently watching: i'm not really that into any TV series atm, my current go-to background series are Grace & Frankie (all time fav!) and I recently started Jane the Virgin.

current favorite character: Ahh gonna steal your answer and also say Sirius Black ❤️ I'm always conflicted because I also wanna say Remus Lupin but we'll stick with Sirius for today.

current wips: my master thesis lol rip

Okay I'm once again too socially anxious to tag people but if anyone wants to do this tag I'd be genuinely curious to see your answers so please feel free to say I tagged you!! 😊

#tag fun #tag game #thank you for tagging me!! <3 #everythingbutcoldfire #about me #current things

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themadpantransnerd · 2 years

Text

Y'all...what should I write?-

I Write:

Harry Potter

Fantastic Beasts

Undertale AUs

Sally Face

Stranger Things

Camp Cretaceous

The Amazing World Of Gumball

Steven Universe

Paranormal Park

Adventure Time

Locke & Key

Sweet Home

What I'll Write For:

Male Reader (tbh we do need the gays)

Female Reader (ONLY FOR LES or sometjing that ain't those like "omg Im such a baddie" or "uwu" or "softie" or...well, you know. I orefer something more original tbh. I will write straight cuples aswell, though)

Non-Binary/Gender-Neutral Reader (I SUPPORT MY THEY/THEM BABIES)

Trans (MTF or FTM. I myself am trans FTM so, yeah :) although, sorry if the MTF isn't good ;-;)

Requests (IDK WHAT TO WRITE ANYMORE, I NEED TO WRITE-)

Romantic (ofc duh)

Platonic (Whether it's bffs, siblings, parent and child, whatever bro.)

Reader with glasses. I have glasses my irl amd I've just mever seen anyone write abt it-

What I Won't Write:

NO RAPE. GOD, NO.

No child x adult. The childs ones will always be platonic, unless the child is aged up.

No "UwU" or "Baddie" or "Softie" or yk. God, it's just disgusting to think of me writting that.

NO. ANIMAL. ABUSE. Im a animal lover and I myself would fucking cry just writting an animal being abused.

Mental Illnesses. Actually, I don't really know if I can write abt mental illnesses, so if requested, uuuhh...please explain to me.

(More rules will be added when/if necessary)

--------------------------------------

NOW IT'S TIME FOR SHIPS

(Being specific, Im not gonna write ships, just include them. I mean- maybe I will? I just never wrote it before lol-)

1: Hary Potter Ships

Luna Lovegood x Neville Longbottom (cannon, and well deserved.)

Hermione Granger x Ronald Weasley (GOD YES-)

Hagrid Rebeus x Madame Olympe Maxime (Hagrid needs some love, guys, come on-)

Ginny Weasley x Harry Potter (I mean...okay, I guess. I don't really ship it bc like Harry didn't even like Ginny [I haven't read the books bc I cant afford it-] but then he suddenly he be MAKING OUT WITH GINNY IN HER PARENT'S KITCHEN. Tbh, never really understood that ship.)

Draco Malfoy x Hary Potter (YES- IT JUST MAKES SENSE TO ME IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE)

Remus Lupin x Sirius Black (Full support)

Seamus Finnigan x Dean Thomas (Don't it have that connection, though? No? Just me? Okay then-)

2: Fantastic Beasts

Porpentina (Tina) Goldstien × Newton Scamander (y'all know this ship is cannon)

Queenie Goldstien x Jacob Kowalski (IMAGINE THEM BEING PARENTS, THOUGH-)

3: Undertale

Alphys x Undyene (obviously-)

Sans x Toriel (hear me out...punny power couple)

Grown!Papyrus x Mettaton (he still be innocent, though, while Mettaton be like the complete oppisite-)

4: Undertale AUs

Fell/Red x Classic (idk why, they just seem to...fit.)

Horror x Farm Sans (DOMESTICATED COTTAGE COUPLE- Y E S)

Nightmare x Killer (Put Crescent in that shit and they suddenly hate eachother, lol-)

Geno x Reaper (Hear me out...Geno be the only one that can touch Reaper- [bc if ppl touch Reaper they die, but Geno can't-] SO FRICKIN' ADORABLE)

Edgy x Stretch (SAME WITH FELL/RED X CLASSIC)

Ink x Error (Just a ship I support)

Dream x Cross ( f i t )

Dream x Ink (somebody explained to me how the ship makes sense and I love it-)

5: Sally Face

Larry x Sal (PERFECT SENSE-)

Ashley x Sal (I only ship it bc I support)

6: Stranger Things

William Byers x Micheal Wheeler (don't even have to explain-)

Jane Hopper × Maxine (Max) Mayfield (*cough* bisexuals *cough*)

Micheal Wheeler x Jane Hopper (I still ship it only bc of seasons 1 & 2, tbh-)

Lucas Sincliar x Maxine (Max) Mayfield (TWO BISEXUALS)

Joyce Byers x Jim Hopper (DO I EVEN NEED TO EXPLAIN???)

7: Camp Cretaceous

Ben Pincus x Darius Bowman (GAYS ALWAYS SLAY)

Kenji Kon x Brooklyn (forgot Brooklyn's last name bro Y E S)

Sammy Gutierrez x Yasmina Fadoula (LESBIAN CAMPING COUPLE)

8: TAWOG

Obvious cannon ships.

9: Steven Universe

Samr with TAWOG

10: Paranormal Park

SAME SHIT

11: Adventure Time

Same. Fucking. Shit.

12: Locke & Key

Same shit-

13: Sweet Home

Yk the drill-

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enbysiriusblack · 2 years

Text

I'll never smile again, until I smile at you

Remus played the song, instantly reminded of his mother. He was absolutely nothing without her. She was his happiness, his shred of optimism and joy. She kept him busy and away from the self depreciating thoughts and actions that his mind gave him. She was the only light left in his moonlit life; and now even she was gone. Remus was meant to be helping out with the fields while he was here; but now Hope had gone, Remus couldn't find it in himself to go out there again.

I'll never laugh again. What good would it do

He didn't think he had smiled for years. The laat time must have been when he last met up with Peter in '81. Just the two of them meeting at a random muggle pub, when James and Lily were in hiding and Sirius had just moved out. Peter was always there; willing to listen and drink with him, to make him laugh and joke in dark times. Him and Peter knew each other so well, almost brothers in the way Sirius and James were. Peter was goodness, trust, and laughter.

For tears would fill my eyes

Lily would absolutely despise this song. It was slow, like you would slow dance to it at a wedding or something. Lily and James never did that; they chose to have their first dance to some stupid abba song because that's the kind of people they were. Lily was his first friend, but they only ever had ten years together. One decade. But she was his world. And yet, he was still here without her.

My heart would realize that our romance is through

James always wanted to die before the rest of them. He didn't manage it with Regulus, Marlene, and Dorcas. And he kind of lost a part of himself because of it; like he couldn't really fully live without the fact they were gone while he was still there. Remus understood that too well know. Because James was the best of them, the kindest person he knew. And he would have changed the world if he had more time. Instead, it was Remus left. Who did nothing more than drugs, and sex with strangers, and crying to terrible songs in his parents house.

I'll never love again

He slowly reclined from his sitting position on the floor, lying down on the cold wooden panels. Dorcas had gone on a rampage at the loss of Marlene; Remus sometimes thought he should probably be doing something like that. Against Sirius, or Dumbledore, or the death eaters still out there. But he didn't have the will for it. And Dorcas was always so much braver than him, even if she wasn't sorted that way at 11 years old. He admired Dorcas, in the way Peter did with Sirius as a kid. They were who he wanted to be, dreamt about being; but were too much of a lost cause, a waste of life, to be them. Dorcas was brave, and Remus wished he was too.

I'm so in love with you

Marlene was his first love; in a weird way. It wasn't particularly romantic at all; but with two 12 year olds suppressing their feelings towards their best friends, they felt entirely in love for a moment. And it sort of stayed like that, in a platonic way, ever since. Marlene never really knew she'd die, unlike the others. She was the sort of person that you'd think would survive anything, that would live forever if it was possible. And then, she didn't. It was very sudden, like a split second and she was no longer alive. He wasn't even around at the time, and never made it to her funeral if she had one. Remus didn't even know if she had one, maybe he hadn't even asked. He really was a terrible person.

I'll never thrill again to somebody new

Regulus was the first of the group to die. Remus always felt protective over him ever since he first talked to the boy. He saw himself in Regulus at first; a young trans boy, introverted with an uncaring outward manner, and very much clueless of the world. Regulus wasn't like Marlene, he definitely knew he would die. Regulus liked talking about that sort of thing; so did Remus, before he was really met with the full impact of death. But Regulus was sweet; not in the way people expected, but in the little things he would do for the people he loved. And even he did like to think and talk about it, he didn't deserve to die.

Within my heart I know I will never start to smile again until I smile at you

Remus closed his eyes to imagine himself with them all again. But they would show up univited. This song didn't remind him of Sirius, it couldn't. The song was nice and loving and full of longing for people you cared about. And Sirius wasn't that. They were the opposite.

Within my heart I know I will never start to smile again until I smile at you

He could fool himself as much as he wanted. But Remus knew deep down that he was still a little bit in love with Sirius. And maybe that just didn't go away even if they were a terrible person. Because memories of happiness still existed. And maybe it was alright to miss those; not the person, but the feelings and memories that went with it.

#I'll never smile again by frank sinatra #remus lupin listens to frank sinatra #have as much safe sex with strangers as you want !! i only wrote like its wrong cause its remus' thoughts and he hates everything he does #i went to a kiesza concert last night and one of the songs she performed nearly made me cry so ill find it and write something on it that #(i dont really listen to kiesza. we jusg sort of stumbled upon the concert and it was free. so thats why idk what the song was)#marauders era #marauders #remus lupin #wolfstar #marauders angst #remus lupin angst #wolfstar angst

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friendofhayley · 3 years

Text

Monthly shout-out to every fanfic creator for all fandoms! Thank you for posting your talent for free and making our fandoms a more creative place. <3 This fic rec includes 12 fics from One Direction, Harry Potter, and Teen Wolf fandoms.

Larry (One Direction)

1. Praise the Mutilated World by @eeveelou, @creamcoffeelou | dystopian AU - A/B/O - on par with Hunger Games for dystopian world/plot - maybe its the feminism but I saw some parallels between governing of vagina-welders and omegas - 106k

It was August when everything changed.

By October, the leaves changed, and so did Louis’ heart.

2. i'll be someone who won't be forgotten by @socialiststyles | oof oof oof this hit close to home (for Sagittariuses) - love confessions - friends to strangers to lovers - angst with a happy ending - 27k

"I’m just—" (Harry hiccups) "there’s a lot here."

And – yeah. There are oceans between them and mountain ranges surrounding them and Louis can feel tectonic plates shifting beneath his unsteady feet, pulling them further and further apart by the heartbeat. There are countries of distance, but there are pages and maps and textbooks of shared histories, moments documented and carefully filed away and Louis can’t remember thinking complete thoughts before he thought of Harry.

3. Send Me Your Pillow (The One That You Dream On) by @lesbianiconharrystyles | this was so soft and lovely - gAyBO - omega/omega - fluff and anxiety - 1k

Harry is embarrassed to realize he's nesting but can't stop stealing Louis' things for his nest.

4. falling, catching by tsuneni | light academia - first time - strangers to lovers - creatives in love - 23k

Harry’s jotting down some more notes when he feels a thud on his right shoulder. He doesn’t flinch, thank God, because when he turns his head to the right his suspicions are confirmed. The boy has fallen asleep on Harry’s shoulder.

When Harry lets out the breath he had been holding, the sleeping boy pushes his nose further into the burgundy fabric of Harry’s sweater, and wraps his arm around Harry’s waist.

This boy is going to be the death of him.

Wolfstar (Harry Potter)

5. I Tried Writing Your Name In The Rain, But It Never Came, So I Used The Sun Instead by @lenscribbles | I loved that Remus was a POC and his Syrian mother is amazing - friends to lovers - mutual pining - and nothing bad happens to them ever in the future :) - 12k

Don’t get Remus wrong. He loves his friends, he does! Loves them to the moon and back in fact. They’re his people, his favorite part of everyday, his found family. He’d do anything for them. But the thing is that doesn’t take away from the very simple fact that his friends are fucking ridiculous. Remus knows this, has known it for five years now. But it doesn’t stop him from startling awake on the morning of his sixteenth birthday surprised by the sound of fireworks exploding in their dormitory and a raucous chorus of “Happy birthday Moony!” being shouted into his ear with jaunty gusto.

“You are wicked, wicked wizards,” Remus moans from where he refuses to get up on his bed, covering his face with his hands, a good call on his end considering that the very next moment he feels a cascade of confetti pouring all over him. “The worst of the worst! You deserve to rot in Azkaban!”

“Oh how you flatter us Moonykins,” Sirius croons, pulling him up while James and Peter begin a frankly awful rendition of For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow.

6. Our Destiny in the Stars by orphan_account | non-magical AU - body insecurity issues - trans Sirius - amputee Remus - 11k

Having no luck in the dating field, and insecure about his body, Remus checks out a dating website which offers the users the opportunity to get to know a person before seeing what they look like. It's during this time he meets Sirius, an enthusiastic teacher--and they immediately click. When they agree to meet, Remus sees a photo of Sirius and immediately panics. He's too good looking to ever be interested in someone like Remus. What the tawny-haired man doesn't know, is Sirius has already checked him out online and has fallen head over heels for the adorable editor.

Drarry (Harry Potter)

7. Old Magic (series) by @mystickitten42 | Drarry runs away together pree-HBP - very realistic getting-together - Narcissa is the GOAT - poor Sirius stuck in the middle - 2+ parts

Harry is undeniably numb. Still reeling from the sudden death of his godfather, he’s back at the Dursleys and everything seems hopeless. One day bleeds into the next. But, as they say, nature abhors a vacuum…

Draco is unimpressed. The Dark Lord and his infernal giant snake have taken over Malfoy Manor and he’s confined to his rooms. He feels like a prisoner and it’s just not right. He’s a Malfoy. Itching for confrontation he decides to go visit Harry Potter.

Things don’t go according to plan.

8. The Importance of Being Draco Malfoy (series) by @upon-poppyhills | this is just great, I love that without memories Draco is without prejudice - Harry goes from suspicious to denial to crushing - brief but wonderful Draco/Justin Finch-Fletchley - I can't wait for everyone to find out about Draco's head - 3+ parts

The answer to the age-old question, "What if instead of a scratch on the arm, Buckbeak had stomped on Draco's head instead and caused tragic memory loss?"

It was a truth universally acknowledged that the path to reforming a Slytherin prince never did run smooth.

9. Dear Cousin, Love Regulus by @xx-thedarklord-xx, @llap115 | I confused this with another fic so I never read it until now and it's THE BEST - Drarry talk like dark academia boys sometimes - I'm so glad Draco had Regulus T.T - when he meets the Regulus portrait!! *screams* - 86k

As the sole Malfoy heir, Draco understood that his path was set long before his birth; who to be, how to act and what his choices should be. What he had not counted on was the power of outside influences. Letters from his deceased cousin caused him to realize that he did have choices, starting with the choice to be someone else, to be who he wanted to be. The road to self-discovery was difficult and navigating that path in the shadow of Harry Potter was its own challenge but maybe, just maybe, his friends would help him along the way. And he would owe it all to Regulus Black.

10. bury the dead where they're found by @rocketdocket | THIS FIC is the ultimate found family fic - sometimes people prefer the closet and that's awesome! - PTSD and suicidal thoughts - queer people are just better than the straights, sorry not sorry - 52k

The war is over. Or at least, that's how it feels for everyone else. But not for Harry. He can't escape the memories and the nightmares of the war, or his guilt about those who died for him. While all he wants is to be alone, finding a family in the most unlikely of places may be just what he needs.

Sterek (Teen Wolf)

11. A Californian Werewolf in New York by @dancinbutterfly, knight_changes | I love that Oz from Buffy is just there - friends to lovers - bottom Derek - misunderstandings - 16k

When Derek finally realizes that there's nothing left for him in Beacon Hills, he goes back to New York, gets a life, falls in love and finds his home.

12. (they say) this should feel something like fire by dallisons | mental and physical trauma - Boyd & Stiles friendship - dream!Erica - rebuilding - 11k

"Turn it off." The pack looked up, stunned into silence by the first words they'd heard from him in weeks.

Stiles stood, trembling - his knees weak. He tried to run and collapsed, his bad leg failing him once again. Derek caught him. "Turn it off," he said, his voice unmistakably a growl.

The water continued leaking from the loose faucet, and all Stiles heard was Erica's blood against the concrete. Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop. Drip.

#hljournal #drarry #wolfstar #sterek #monthly fic rec #multifandom fic rec #july fic rec #fic rec #larry stylinson #larrie hijinks

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fakeloveaskblog · 2 years

Note

Alright. So. Now, we don't have time to unpack all of that, but… Remy, don't freak out please, only you can hear me. Are you alone? Don't worry, I'll wait until you are. I'll just tell you meanwhile that you are wanted and loved and your friends wouldn't abandon you for who you are or purposefully pressure you into anything even if you started dating them.

Are you alone now? Alright Remy. First off: it's not wrong for you to want to get on hormones. Remus does too. In fact he likely will, some day. And it has been stablished that the act of saying stuff like that on the part of Remus's ex was an awful and manipulative and shitty thing to do, okay? Okay.

*deep breath* Second off, being ace (or asexual to use the technical term) is not just not wanting to have sex or having a low libido or anything like that, that's just a common misconception. Being ace is simply not feeling that kind of attraction towards other people, which sounds a lot like what you just described to us, so it sounds to me like there is a considerable possibility that you might be ace too.

Think of it this way: Simply wanting that kind of release in general can be blamed on libido. On the other hand, wanting to have sex with a specific person not because they are a specific person and you want to please them but (or maybe also, in the case of gray and demisexuals) because you are attracted to them, is sexual attraction. By the looks of your explanation, it seems to me like you are experiencing the first but not the second one, thereby comes in the possibility that you might be ace.

Did you get that somewhat clumsy explanation, or should I rephrase it? I feel like I didn't explain myself as well as I could. Kindly, the local demon.

Remy did get ready to freak out when the heard your voice, hushed into their ear like a whisper, but quickly calmed down when Virgil didn't react. He was sitting at the edge of the bed with a cigarette between his fingers. His hair was ruffled and his boxers hastily put on.

Virgil stretched a little before getting up. He leant down to kiss Remy while shoving the cigarette into the metal end of the bed to put it out.

"gonna take a shower. Yell if you're uhm dying or something. Kay?"

"Okay"

He kissed them again before leaving.

Remy didn't even think of speaking before they could clearly hear the water going. They grabbed the bottle of vodka off of the nightstand and propped themself up just enough so they could drink it while listening. They also moved the blanket farther up their chest.

They glanced away "It....It feels selfish of me to want to get on hormones...it feels like different from Remus y'know..Like...Uhm how do I say this....he like needs it more and uhm...he and his ex only dated for like 3 years anyway. But like me and Viv have been together for ages so like uhm like if uhm like he has some or I mean- with big changes like that what he thinks about it is also kinda important y'know since uhm we've- it will uhm affect both of us kinda. ANd Remus wants to get on T right? and he's gay so like everything works out. He gets T and all the same people are still gonna wanna date him, if not like more. Only reason his ex didn't want that is uhhh 'cause he was straight right? And he like started dating Rem before he realized he was trans so it just got all fucked up there. But me...I...it's gonna...if I get on hormones....Will Janus even want me anymore?"

Remy leaned their head in their hands and grimaced.

"This is so fucking stupid. Why do I always gotta make what other people think 'bout me the most important thing. It's like oh do I want love? Or less dysphoria? The dysphoria makes me wanna rip off my skin and never eat and hide myself from everyone forever and yet whatever Viv says always seems more important. I'm so stupid and like weak. I'm just- All I do is listen to others. Punching bag, like I told you. Ugh I'm so stupid"

They took a long sip from the bottle before sighing.

"....I wish I had more trans people to talk to- Or like sorry i know Jannie is trans. I just mean y'know trans people who wanna go on hormones. It would be real nice if there was some like trans person in a long term relationship with like someone cis nearby who could answer if how Viv and Rem's ex reacted is normal or not...if only..."

Remy took another long sip from the bottle after that. They reached out to take a cigarette from the package Virgil had left on the bed. They put the cig between their parsed lips and grabbed the lighter as you continued the message.

'there is a considerable possibility that you might be ace too'

The lighter fell down agains the covers of the bed as Remy froze. Their eyes were stuck in a wide stare as they tried to swallow what you had just said.

You went on explaining it further but Remy was stuck just trying to comprehend. It didn't feel like they could even move at first. The sound of the water running in the other room almost got overwhelming, Like white noise crashing in.

"....Are....Are you telling me there was an explanation thIS WHOLE TIME!?"

They slammed their hands over their mouth. Their breathe quickened just a bit as they listened for any sounds indicating Virgil had heard. Nothing happened. Until.

"OOOH they're gonna clean up your look with every lies in the book-"

Virgil was singing in the shower again. It was such a sudden mood shift it made Remy laugh. They moved their hands away and turned back to you.

"Okay girl I'm not saying I'm believing you 'cause like what is the likelihood that there's a name for everything wrong with me??? Like first the constant pain I was in was actually 'fibromyalgia' and then it turned out I wasn't a bitch fantasizing about cheating, I was just 'poly'. Like there can't be a name for everything right???"

Their hands writhed in their lap. They ached to hold onto something. To stabilize themself.

"Everyone has always assumed I'm some kind of super sexual whore....I've gotten so used to it...it feels so weird if I'm..." They looked away. Their voice got even quieter "That's what everyone said at school y'know. As soon as I started wearing mini skirts and crop tops rumors started about how I'd been with Every guy who wanted me. I remember...when Virgil met me....he had been forced to become my study buddy 'cause I was failing like everything...he thought that too...he didn't say it...But I could tell with the way he looked at me. Sometimes someone- mostly Viv- when he jokes, I know he doesn't mean it like that I think, but sometime it still sounds like people are assuming i'm like super sexual just 'cause I'm femme..I guess I've kinda internalized it...I guess....Like I said my brain always gotta take whatever the hell anyone else says as the most important...Always"

They shook their head around to clear their thoughts. It only made their neck hurt worse. The pain meds would probably stop affecting them by tomorrow. They lit their cigarette and took a long drag.

"...asexual..."

They tried out the word. It felt weird to say. It didn't fit between their teeth.

"Y'know I had thought maybe it was just 'cause of the fibro so I just didn't enjoy sex that much and that's why I was like all wrong but...asexual...that..." They took a shaky breathe "Okay so I'm not gonna say I'm NOT asexual at least. That's- That's a start right?"

The moment after, when they thought you had left, they took out their phone and started searching up asexual art, facts about it, the flag. They had always had an affinity for purple.

#ask #thanks for the ask <3 #the local demon #remy sanders

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