#maybe i’ll ramble in a post later

[artheresy]

No but I don’t think anyone understands how deeply I need to witness Blade identity crisis content like, the focus on identity usually with the HCQ and the struggles usually centers around Dan Heng because of course! We get the content in canon touched upon, expanding on it with your own view is so much fun and I want to do it myself at some point.

But the potential of Blade? And exploring his fucked relationship with his identity and with Yingxing? MWAH, delicious, and not done enough compared to something I do see a bit whenever the topic comes up which no hate to anyone for but I have my own opinions on it

Like, shit Blade has HUGE issues with dehumanizing himself as a result of Jingliu’s teaching in which she projected her own self dehumanization onto him and taught him to turn his body into a weapon and remember the feeling of death. He doesn’t view himself as being a person, he is nothing more than a sword for slaying, a weapon whose path is soaked in the blood of both his victims and himself. And UGH listen, I’ve already ranted about this so many times that y’all are probably tired of hearing me talk about it.. it truly is one of my favorite topics, the disconnection between Yingxing and Blade that does exist in canon to certain extent. Though he takes on the weight of his sin as his own and his duty to repay it (and make sure Dan Heng repays it too), the ways in which he doesn’t connect to Yingxing in other matters is used in such a tragic way when you peel back the layers upon layers that can relate to the simplest things. Like fucking hell, not to mention it again but the use of craftsmanship between the two of them is heartbreaking as crafting represents not only what he happened to do as apart of the HCQ and in the end his legacy, but how it is used as a representation of his passion that Blade does not share, how it represents the revenge that dominated his life as Yingxing built on the pain and trauma of losing his entire family and home while still such a young child which Blade probably doesn’t even fully remember anymore let alone connect with. I swear, that hurts, it hurts me every time I think about it.

I also just have a lot of my own headcanons that I firmly don’t think are canon, but are things I instead sprinkle in like finishing salt into my wounds to make myself even more sad. Like thinking about Blade in a way constantly being in mourning, not solely for Baiheng, but genuinely in mourning for Yingxing as well. Although he used to be Yingxing, that man is still dead and gone and never coming back, never in a way that will actually be Yingxing. So I like to imagine he mourns for him as well. Not just his death but mourns the severed connection between them. The passions he cannot submerge himself in, the pure dedication he cannot fathom, the love and happiness he cannot even begin to imagine the feeling of. Or at least not the warmth of them, he only feels the bitter shards of those feelings left within him, making his hatred all the more agonizing and deep set.

Hm… I wonder how we’re going to see Blade progress as the story keeps going on. I do truly hope we get more of an exploration of this. I need to see what happens to him. I need to see how his mindset ends up evolving or instead of evolving, the sheer amount of shit it ends up getting him into. God do I love this man, sorry that my love manifests in needing to see him suffering. It just comes with the territory

#maybe I’ll get more into my confusion about it one day #but not today! im tired and planning to finally finish a bigger post ive been taking ages on hopefully this weekend #hsr #honkai star rail #hsr blade #yingxing #ramble post #might delete later #idk #im tired

[skellytonsandstars]

Thingy I’m working on for my friends birthday :p

#skelly rambles #the photo makes it look bad lmao #I’ll maybe post another picture later tonight once I make more progress

[mochiwei]

I have so much totk art but I’m waiting until later (july???) to post it bc of spoilers!! Ahhh!!

#gnawing #but patience #maybe I’ll post other fan art #like sabriel or something #and keep the totk stuff for later #whit be quiet #rambles

[proj-sh4dow]

( @kittailsenjoyer )

I cannot contain it

I must talk abt these two now that u say this

BREATHES IN-

I think Tails would be suuuper confused and be like: what. If shadow accidentally called him Maria. First confusion, sadness, then anger bcz yk, he doesn’t want to be seen as her when he’s his own person already.

AND YEAH for some time Shadow would only see Maria instead of Tails. And he tries to make Tails into Maria as sort of a replacement instead of accepting Tails as he is. The angst bro, it’s almost endless with these two

BUT, Shadow eventually would accept Tails and not live in this lie fantasy of his where he thinks Tails is Maria.

YOO I NEVER ACTUALLY THOUGHT OF IT THAT WAY !! Yeah it’s like Sonic and Nine kinda !!

#suuper sorry if my thoughts aren’t coherent or if they’re a bit confusing #I am half awake rn trying to write out my thoughts so u guys no not just me could understand em lmao #ramblings #rlly wish I could talk more abt them soo bad !! #but sadly I cannot as I have school tmr and it’s super later rn and I’m supposed to be asleep #maybe I’ll make a separate post just talking abt them bcz GAA THEY !! RRGG #ALSO sorry if I repeat things I already said in here. stupid habit I have #shadow the hedgehog #tails the fox #shadow and tails

[undedkat]

Boys should be allowed to watch and enjoy media for girls. Encouraged even.

#I have an essay on this but like AGHH #like my fiancé doesn’t really watch shows but even for what he does it’s like.. he’s never even heard of these shojo shows that I watch #and then he watches them with me and he loves them almost as much as I do #because they’re good shows #and I think media made about men is considered ‘gender neutral’ but stuff made about girls is ‘girly’ #so girls are expected to watch Naruto but boys aren’t expected to watch Sailor Moon #and that’s so heteronormative and sexist and it just sucks because it prevents men from watching really good shows #my fiancé isn’t a great example because he literally never watches shows but still #maybe I’ll make a longer post later idk #unded rambles #intersectional feminism #feminism #magical girl

[eltheabberation]

takizawa for the character ask

My first impression: “Oh who’s that guy again? Eh I’ll just look him up. Oh hey that one- WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED??” Other than that I basically just didn’t care about him cause I just wanted to get back to Kaneki.

My impression now: I love him so much he’s my little guy he’s so silly I want to run him through a meat grinder he means the world to me he is my world he deserves the world he’s ruined my life and made it better and I love him for it <33

Favourite thing about that character: Assuming I can’t say everything uh I love the irony of his character. Becoming everything you hated. Getting everything you wanted superficially but losing the reasons you wanted it in the first place. All that good stuff.

Least favourite thing: His ending :( “oh he disappeared and was never seen again and fought rogue ghouls as a half-kakuja-“ NO. FUCK NO. AFTER EVERYTHING HES BEEN THROUGH HE IS NOT GETTING THAT SHITTY OF AN ENDING. HE SHOULDNT HAVE TO BE INVOLVED IN THIS BULLSHIT ANYMORE HE SHOULD BE LIVING A NICE PEACEFUL LIFE WITH HIS LOVED ONES.

Favourite line/scene: Uh, god there's a lot to choose from... Honourable mention to his little speech about fear (mainly because it's so funny in context "oh you're scared of me cause I'm different" no I think its because you murdered their coworkers in front of them but go off ig). My favourite probably has to be his internal dialogue during the fight with Amon in the lab raid arc, a ton of great lines in there. But I also love every scene he's in so y'know.

Favourite interaction that character has with another: Probably his fight with Amon during Rushima and then his moment with Akira after. Gives me brainworms.

A character that I wish that character would interact with more: Shikorae! They may have only had one on-screen interaction but they are FRIENDS I swear. Also just the rest of Aogiri in general. I wanna see how this crazed ex-dove fits in with the rest of their organization.

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character: Uh... human Takizawa kinda reminds me of Matsuda from Death Note but that's all I've got.

A headcanon about that character: He adores boy band pop but is incredibly embarrassed about it. His sister likes the same bands as him and he always acts annoyed that he's being "forced" to go to concerts with her but he secretly begs her to buy tickets for him too. He has an ARASHI poster in his bedroom. Hide introduced him to Backstreet Boys and they listened to it together sometimes before, well, y'know.

A song that reminds of that character: I’ve got a few but I’m gonna go with The Mind Electric. Idk I think it fits his mental state pretty well and also a lot of lyrics could tie into parts of his character. Also quick shoutout to the Demo 4 version cause the “see how I laugh at you” part reminds me of that one scene with Ayato.

An unpopular opinion about that character: Don't have one really

Favourite picture:

This one <3 He’s just being silly here which I love. Look at this overdramatic loser <33 (This image makes me have. thoughts. but I'll talk about them some other time)

#there are so many things I want to ramble about when it comes to this fucker but #not right now #maybe later I’ll make separate posts to ramble

[tacit-semantics]

Dropping the worst essay the worlds ever seen on my classmates today THIS is why we do it folks this is what it’s all for

#I am SO ineffective at this point sdkdkdk left at 8 yesterday got back at 2130 slept for 5 non consecutive hours worked at 8 again #like my ass is NOT constructing coherent narratives. actually I had a dream a couple nights ago that was pretty solidly cohesive all things #considered so I suppose it would be more accurate to say that my ass is NOT consciously constructing cohesive narratives #so it goes and such is life. working on a lace thing when I can maybe I’ll post pictures later. maybe #tacit rambles

[askamnesiamoonjumper]

me after editing the aau prologue for the bajillionth time

#First chapter I changed the opening bc I always thought it felt off/abrupt and wanted to have it be prince pov from the start #I wanna get in his head more ok sue me #Beyond that tho it was just some wording edits #Specifically with the internal dialogue moments I helped them flow more/feel more like thoughts #Also mj gets a bit more of their usual edge/pessimism bc the prologue they always felt a bit too “ówò sad poor smol bean” or whatever #That’s it tho chapter 4 I didn’t change bc it’s peak #Did add some teases to later things tho like snatch senses mjs soul at the end of his chap but doesn’t realize it #Or like I added the Not Now running thing in the earlier chapters bc it was more of a chapter 4 thing so I wanted 2 set it up more so boom #I think that’s all the notable edits ig like I said just description additions the only actual new thing is the opener for chap 1 👍 #Also also I got to include a hc that I have that I neglected to do before but I hc a!prince used plural internal dialogue #Because lol we love dramatic irony in this house #Grace post #this reminds me tho one of these days I should look through heart strings chapter one to look for editing things #Bc I think I did that recently but I don’t remember it much tho #Mostly just when the Hat stuff starts that was the parts I never directly rewrote I just edited them so they feel out of place in my brain #Also I’d wanna edit her dialogue bc it *was* in character (after rereading her diary’s to confirm) but I wanna have her be a bit more snark #Hat is Hard bc i Need the balance of cute little kid and also smug little shit (affectionate) like she is a pain to write man cries #This is just me rambling lol ignore it I just wanted to spam aau thoughts #In other news I made shapes redesigns but I’m on the fence on posting them bc idk if I wanna spoil or not hhhhhhhhh #Nowadays I’m more chill w spoiling things than I used to be #But there are a handful of things I’ve kept shut about (ex being princes name or mjs species stuff etc) #So I’m not sure if this thing with shapes i should keep secret or just post bc I used to spoil it but idk now #Shrugs #maybe I’ll do a poll later I dunno #Ok yapping over byeeeeee

[tvrningout-a]

good morning 💜

#say it back 💜 asdfg #i’m kinda here kinda cleaning my room #feel free to poke at me on here or discord — i just might be slow to respond! #i’m still so sleepy but i’m gonna power through it so i can get my space in order uvu #i also might do some housekeeping on the blog — a lil follower clean up and editing stats/bio’s #i think i might start including ships (romantic and otherwise!) on my muses’ stat pages #rather than making a connection page bc my brain can’t think of a way to organize it without it #being a lot to look at?? #so maybe i’ll do a post about that later too #the dash is pretty slow rn #anyway! y’all pls have a lovely monday 💜 #get ready to ramble | ooc

[signanothername]

Guess who’s got a new VB au artwork ready in the drafts

#i wanna post it now but kinda posted a lot of artworks already today wheeze #so idk maybe I’ll post it a bit later #or tomorrow even? #idk dhhxhxhxhdg #and cause I’m not sure when my followers are most active assume imma post it on a bad time where u guys are asleep or smth hxbxbxb #anothers ramble

[crimsonkenjii-writes]

I made a new profile pic (bc I draw selfship art to cope lmao) but I still like the one I have now!! Nnnooooo I can’t chooose

#tumblr make it possible to do two pfp at once!! #i will post it later maybe #if I decide to chnage profile pic #if not #I’ll still post the art though lol #BC ITS CUTE #crimsonkenjii rambles

[ahalliance]

fawk the whole scene with qbagz and qaypierre breaking into qantoine’s secret room is such a good showcase of their individual characterisations im gonna explode

#i’ll make a proper post about this later maybe but yeah . good scene #obviously it doesn’t offer a super in depth autopsy or anything but u get a very good idea of Who they are and it’s great #jay rambles

[ezraphobicsoup]

what the fuck i just got a name in my head or an actor guy and he’s actually a real actor guy???? but i don’t think ice ever seen him before?????? dean williamson is going to steal my teeth

#he was on coronation street maybe i have heard of him but ive never watched coronation street #i mean this is better than minorly spiralling i’ll take random actor #ezra’s real life rambles #silly hours posting #i will go to sleep sooner rather than later i promise i just need a moment first if i go to bed now it’ll suck

[aviel-the-trans-bucket]

Welcome back my madlads, today is our last foyer down emo nostalgia lane as my next post will likely be on Gerard’s solo album hesitant alien and his singles. Today we’ll be doing an mcr medley, any song I missed because it wasn’t on one of the main albums and also covers they’ve done. I’m excited to see what all is left so let’s get this started.

So this is kinda an eclectic mix of songs ranging from every snowflake is different to desolation row. I’m excited to listen to what’s left which does include fake your death and foundations of decay. I am hopeful maybe we’ll see a new album on the horizon but if not it was nice to feel a part of this sphere during this comeback. We’ll go by date and start with the songs that aren’t dated as they remain unreleased.

Note I’ll likely be very unfamiliar with most of these covers, the exception being all I want for Christmas because Mariah Carey is an scp and she lives in all our brains.

The Drugs: ok starting off, this one kinda rocks man. Good opening guitar. Ok is pretty good, but I’m pretty neutral on it. I might just be a lil over saturated on mcr after all this tbh, it may take a lot more to wow me now.

Sister To Sleep: ok this one is real difficult cause of my audio processing issues, I literally have no idea what’s being said, audio too crunchy. It’s probably a bop tho. Maybe I should have listened to a video of them playing it live instead.

Still Alive: ok so I literally could not find any reference of this on YouTube, oh well maybe one day some of these will get studio releases.

Jack The Ripper: ok cover time, let’s see what this one has to offer. Pretty groovy, not bad so far. Oh ok I think this one is gonna fuck. Once again my autism ears not liking crunchy audio. Again not bad I’m neutral on it, maybe if I was capable of hearing properly I’d like it more. It can’t be helped.

All I want For Christmas Is You: Ah yes, the cursed texts. I’m excited to hear their take on it, but I feel like every time I listen to it normally I take psychic damage. His voice is magic, gritty in the best ways. Slam me with the fucking guitar in the face man cmon do it. Yea this one is bop. I like it it, it’s nice. It’s not blasting my tits off but that’s fine.

Astro Zombies: ok next song, maybe this one will obliterate my shit. Ok got guitar. Oh this one kinda rocks. Got a good groove to it. Not bad, again we’re in like nice/good tier.

Under Pressure: so this song has a reputation, and yet I still haven’t even listened to the original. So of course time to listen to a cover. Oooooo I like this, oh fuck yea. This is what I’ve been waiting for! It’s not melting my face but it’s super fucking good tho!

Desert Song: ok acoustic time, this one is about to knock me on my ass into my feelings ain’t it? Oh this is beautiful. Also I’m getting some serious foundations vibes, “did you come to stare or wash away the blood” and “let it flood, let it flood, let it wash away” feel like parallels. Ok it’s somber and beautiful but it isn’t putting me in my feelings thank fuck. But this and foundations really do feel like sister songs. I really enjoy this, oddly relaxing in a way.

Song 2: this seems like another with crunchy audio, let’s hope I can understand what’s being said. Oh hello, guitar fucks. Oh damn, sassy. This one does fuck. Oooooooh fuck yea the guitar FUCKS!!

Untitled/ Someone Out There Loves You: oooo haunting opening melody, very pretty. And the guitar fucks! Ok this one rocks, like pretty fucking good.

The Black Parade Is Dead: ok short and sweet, the killing of the black parade, a nice interlude. Welcome back from the dead you beautiful bastards.

Desolation Row: Not sure what to expect but I’m kinda excited. Now this fucks! This rocks, I like this :). Maybe I should go back through and do all the mcr music videos, because for all these posts I’ve just been doing the audio.

Common People: ooo synthy. Ok this one is ok not bad. Again pretty neutral on it, but not bad. God damn the guitar is going nuts tho.

Every Snowflake Is Different (Just Like You): ah yes, the yo gabba gabba song. Let’s hear it, see how this goes. Yo why’s the audio so crispy. Ok new video. That’s better. This is cute, charming. It’s a good time, very cute.

Hell Hath No Fury: very short but kinda a banger, shame it’s was unfinished but what exsists is pretty nice.

Fake Your Death: damn we’re almost done, this is the last song I haven’t heard yet, before I get m6 face ripped off by foundations. Oh this is nice. Oh damn I like this beat. Man this is a fucking bop. Good song, I like.

Foundations Of Decay: here’s the last one until they drop new music boys, she’s been living in my liked videos almost since it dropped and boy does it blow our tits clean off. Comfortingly nostalgic but at the same time some entirely new and I’m so here for this glorious rebirth. Starts slow and staticky and lovely, then it drops and punches you in the face and I fucking LOVE It!!! And as the vermin crawl 😌. Shit moves through you man, I adore this song. GET! UP! COWARD!

Quite the journey, and I’m really hoping it isn’t over just yet! There were many songs, some ok and some that make me feel like I’m getting hit in the gut. This has been a wonderful journey from birth, to Black Death, to our own little Renaissance. I look forward to where we’ll go from here but for now, I must say goodbye. From here on I’ll be listening to the solo music of each of the members, my next post should be hesitant alien. It’s been real my madlads and my top 5 of this medley of songs are…

1: Foundations Of Decay (obviously)

2: Fake Your Death

3: Desolation Row

4: Desert Song

5: Under pressure

Man…it’s finally over. Well I guess I’ll see you madlads back with hesitant alien. Maybe I’ll see you back with a new mcr album if we’re lucky. It’s been a joy going down this walk down emo memory lane with you all, lots of love ❤️

#aviel rambles #aviels emo nostalgia music hour #mcr #my chem romance #my chemical romance #i’m catching up on old mcr stuff in the off chance they drop a new album post return #this sure was something #I’m honestly kinda sad it’s over #but it was a joy to do #and maybe later down the line I’ll rewatch all the old music videos since I only did audio for the song posts

[digyoman]

thinking about earlier this year and even last year when i was so deeply hyperfixated on lloyd & he was all i could think about and yet i barely shared any of my thoughts on here. i kind of want to kick myself about it now actually because i know i had so many things to say and so much i wanted to do but i never made it happen. why was i a coward.

#raaghhh i’m just so disappointed in myself :( #it would’ve been so cool to have those posts to look back on now!!! #technically i still can because it’s all rotting in my notes app. but that’s not as fun. #and it’s not even really about that it’s more like. knowing there’s so much that i’ve missed out on #i never shared any of my writing here (despite saying that i would like. 5 million times!) because i was so so scared of it being perceived #so i never got to experience what it’s like to get feedback!! #and then there’s the lloyd roleplay blog that i’ve wanted to make since very early 2021…. #i got so close to doing it last year and i put literal hours of effort into the blog but then i just. decided not to use it. #and i think that makes me the most sick because like. how many interactions do you think i missed out on?? #maybe it wouldn’t have gone anywhere. maybe it would’ve sucked and died immediately but i’d never know unless i tried!!! #and now i’ll never know. #‘just do it now’ well you see. I Am Still Scared :) #idk i just find it so difficult to put myself out there #even in a fandom that has a grand total of five people 💀 #but i am thinking about it!!! and that should count for something #anyway wow i can ramble! #if you read all this…. hi :) #i’ll probably delete this later but it was good to get it off my chest!

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

do you have more nikolina fake engagement AU? plz

Sure!

AU several years down the line where the stag was never tracked down (no Mal 💖) and so the Darkling never showed his hand. Established secret Darklina relationship. Meanwhile there’s an arranged Nikolina betrothal that everyone’s having complicated feelings about lol

Part one | Part two | Part three | AO3 link

***

Alina wakes alone the next morning. The twinge of disappointment is truly silly: he always leaves her. It would be stupid not to. The last thing either of them needed was a maid to walk in on the two of them.

She lingers in bed now, remembering the winter fete. That very first night when he’d come to her. He’d spent so much time simply undressing her carefully unwrapping her like a gift. Taking account of every inch of her skin, touching and tasting until she’d been nearly delirious. And then he’d pushed her to the bed and finished what he’d started in that dark side room at the fete.

He’d avoided her for days after. It had hurt tremendously at the time. But she knows his way now, how he’d inevitably feel the need to get even for the simple crime of making him want.

Alina dresses swiftly and makes certain that there aren’t any lingering signs of the Darkling’s presence in her room and then she heads down for breakfast.

She’s surprised to run into Genya in the hall. Genya gives her a little box for her name day. A pretty blue.

Alina opens it then and there, too curious to wait.

“It’s from the Fabrikators workshop,” she says. “Try it at the summoners pavilion, avoid anything flammable.”

It’s a silver ring. Genya explains that if she twists it a certain way while summoning its pale clear gem will hone her light into something that burns. It isn’t quite the Cut, but it’s close. It’s a curiously dangerous gift but it could be useful.

Alina’s training with Baghra has mostly stalled, a touchy subject. Everyone had thought she would be that much more powerful. So unfortunately she does need every trick she can get her hands on.

She thanks her awkwardly. And wishes she knew how to say more but Genya nods and walks past. murmuring something about having to get back to the Tsaritsa.

Alina doesn’t remember how exactly they drifted apart, just that they started speaking to each other less and less. Sometimes they run into each other in the Grand Palace, or in the worse occasions when they’re both trapped in the Tsaritsa’s parlor at length, but they only exchange tight-lipped smiles. Maybe a polite greeting.

She goes down to the domed hall and pours herself tea. Zoya finds her immediately. Despite their earlier— and current— animosity, Zoya has made it a point to befriend her. Or well pantomime friendship. It only took several months of making her life hell before she seemed to consider that Alina might become too important to be enemies with. Or perhaps the Darkling simply gave her an ultimatum, she isn’t sure. Either way they usually both plaster smiles on their faces when they meet and pretend to enjoy each other’s company through meals, through a slew of barbed comments back and forth. She’s gotten better at the verbal sparring recently, not much better in the combat ring though. Zoya still bests her there.

Nikolai intercepts them on the way out though, all smiles and shameless flattery. He kisses her hand, and twirls her around as if he hasn’t seen her for a week. He apologizes for stealing Alina away but unfortunately he simply can’t bear to part with her for too long.

“You’re laying it on a bit thick aren’t you?” she says once they are out of earshot.

“Oh and here I thought that was charm.”

And she cannot help a laugh.

He leads her out to the lake. It’s still fairly quiet at this time of the morning. She’s noticed that he can never be still for very long. When he wants to talk he would much rather do it as they walk.

She doesn’t mind either, she’s content to follow along. And so she also lets him lead on the idle chatter of “How are you?” and “My head frankly still hurts very badly from one too many glasses of brandy but nothing fresh air won’t solve’ until he finally asks, “Fine perhaps I’m a little impatient, but I’m very curious if you've come to a decision?”

Alina suppresses a smile. She likes him. She isn’t sure if that’s a good thing or if it simply makes it harder to make a clear headed decision. But she does like him.

She had wanted to accept. She had been going to accept before she saw the Darkling. And even he had told her to accept, explicitly, even if it was for his own purposes. So truly, what is stopping her now? Sentiment? The worry that she’ll be tangled up in whatever he’s scheming?

She makes a show of sizing Nikolai up. “I’m still considering,” she says.

“Oh? What are you considering, particularly? I like to think that I have many virtues.”

“That you seem to be impulsive, irreverent, and fickle.”

He puts a hand to his heart. “I’m wounded.”

Alina snorts. “You like to be liked, Nikolai Lantsov. And I wonder if you’re only so interested all of a sudden because it irks you that someone might be so indifferent to marrying you. Are you just going to change your mind after you’ve had the attention for a few months? ‘Oh actually we should have a falling out after all, what do you say, lovely?’”

“Well now I think I am actually wounded. I do not sound like that.”

She shrugs. “I’ll work on my impression. But you did ask me what I was considering.”

“So what I’m hearing is that you require proof of my undying devotion.”

She raises an eyebrow. “If you’re already offering undying devotion I would simply call you a liar. But more or less. I want to know that you’re serious.”

“How can I achieve that?”

She’s silent a moment, thinking.“For a start, what do you do when you pretend you’re studying at Ketterdam?”

He gives her a sidelong look. “Is this going straight to the Darkling?”

“I can keep a secret.”

“Frankly, I’m not particularly convinced but why not?” He grins. “I’m only in Os Alta for three more days. Wait until then and I can simply show you.”

“I don’t think you can just carry me off.”

He shrugs. It’s a careless gesture. “It won’t have to be long. I’ll make sure you’re back safe.”

“You’re not taking me all the way to Kerch are you?” she asks dubiously.

“You’ll simply have to see! Consider it an experiment of trust.”

Alina rolls her eyes. “Fine. I can wait three days.”

“Excellent.”

***

She drags her feet on it. But on the evening of the third day, when she can wait no longer, she finds the Darkling in his study, and she carefully informs him of their outing, omitting the part about Nikolai promising to reveal whatever he’s been up to. She had said she would keep that secret.

She stands while he contemplates, feeling somewhat like a child waiting to be reprimanded.

“That’s fine,” he finally tells her so flatly that she cannot read anything but displeasure into it.

“I don’t have to go,” she says quickly.

He drums his fingers over the desk. “No, this is good, I think.”

“Okay...” She swallows.

He rises from his chair, circling around to where she stands. He takes her chin in hand, his gaze intent on hers. “What are you doing exactly, Alina?”

Her mouth goes dry. “What?”

“You’ve been running around the palace like lovestruck children.”

She frowns. “I don’t understand if you want me to go through with this or not. You told me to accept, which I haven’t yet—”

His lip twitches. “Is he aware you haven’t accepted? He doesn’t seem to be.”

“Yes he is,” she grouses. “I’ve made it very clear. But that’s beside the point, I’m keeping him close, like you wanted. And maybe eventually I’ll accept.”

“What are you waiting for?”

She purses her lips, unsure of the answer herself. “I just want to be certain.”

“Don’t take too long. You don’t want to alienate him either.”

She shrugs. “I think he might like a chase, to be honest.”

“I see.”

He kisses her then, hard, still gripping her chin. Her lips part in surprise and he takes the advantage. Overwhelming her as always. Her knees feel weak when he lets go. When he dismisses her just as quickly.

As she walks out in a daze she realizes she should’ve refused that kiss. That she really cannot and should not carry on like this if her enhancement might be real. Guilt twists in her stomach.

She wishes she still talked to Genya.

#grishaverse #shadow and bone #darklina #nikolina #idk what I’m doing guys lol #maybe I’ll edit it later #i ramble sometimes #a string of words #*writer's cap* #all the bendy punctuations #a mysterious stranger has appeared #fake engagement au #long post