#maybe i should call my mom

[t3ooc]

“I’d bite myself and take my feelings out with my teeth.”

#lacho #i loveeee drawing parallells between my fav characters #i should get an olympic gold medal in gymnastics for the mental hoops i go through #vincent gilligan: heres a character whos gonna do some betrayal #me: OH MY GOD JSUT LIKE MY FAVOURITE MOM FROM ANCIENT GREEK MYTHOLOGY #dreams of ignacio varga #LISTEN LISTEN they both have snakes #idc that snakes r universal betrayal symbols its real bc i said so #lalo (agamenmon) returns from mexico (troy) n gets stabbed in the back by nacho (clytmnestra) #also i think maybe if lalo hadnt carried the salamanca family name nacho wouldve liked him #a bit over the top but u know....... i fink he did like him he just loves his family more #the feeling was mutual lalo didnt trust nacho until further in n then it was 2 late #love story for the ages #insane ramblings: over #better call saul #nacho varga #lalo salamanca #ignacio varga #eduardo salamanca #how do i tag idc #t3art

[bbnibini]

I wonder if it's a design choice or the devs themselves can't make up their mind, but why did Solomon's eye colour "change" in NB? The chibi sprites in the OG show his eyes are shades of grey to brown/almost gold-bronze.

The NB chibi sprite shows his eyes to be dark blue and brownish-gold.

Don't even get me started with the cards and merch that can't make up his effing eye colour

To my Solobesties (I'm calling Solomon stans this now. I think we formed a strange kinship after lesson 17 even if we never interact lmao), especially artist solobesties, hats off to you and your service to the community.

My personal HC is kinda a spoiler for uhhhh something I'm writing, but here it is:

"It's just…your eyes are like you: I can't figure them out." "MC, I-" "No! No! Solomon, I'm sorry! No…it's not like that, I promise! Look at me, won't you? Please look at me." So he did. His eyes trembled as he met with yours. How could he have hidden this part of himself for this long? How could you not notice? How could you forget? How could Father be so cruel to him and you for simply existing? You traced the corner of his lips with your thumb as you held him by the cheek. He was leaning onto your right hand, unable to maintain his gaze. He was surprisingly bashful. Adorably shy without his facades. But he looked like he would crumble even with a gentle word so you did not say anything. He looked at you expectantly, then looked away as your gaze burned onto him for too long and muttered, "You can't figure me out?"in almost a whisper, after a long-drawn out silence, weighing in his words, watching your expressions and body language. Afraid, so deathly afraid. You smiled. "It's like I'm looking at a mirror. Sometimes it's silver, sometimes it's midnight. When you look at the world around you and then look back at me, I feel like you've captured the sky and the oceans in your eyes. It's beautiful." His face was red all over, even to the tips of his ears. It was such a shame. You haven't even said everything you wanted to say to him yet. That he was the moon and the stars to your daytime; gold and silver gazes, looking after you from afar in the many branches of realities he couldn't be as honest with you as he was now. Ah. What will you do without him now? How can you give this up after remembering everything? You knew it was selfish, but you love him. Both of him. Every part of him just as much as he loved you and every part of you that existed. But now, you had to say goodbye. Again. How truly unfair.

#is this supposed to be a plot twist in NB? Like there are 2 Solomons maybe even 3. Solomon is the new Saber from FGO with his iterations lol #is Nightbringer like...a Solomon from a darker timeline? /hj has it been the Solomon we're living with for the entire time? #does that mean the Solomon we called early in the prologue is the actual OG Solomon and he's trapped somewhere dimension hopping? #idk anymore this man lives rent free in my head #obey me #obey me solomon #sorry for the spoiler jumpscare to those who know *waggles eyebrows* it won't be out in like an ice age later. I have so many passages #of my solomon brainrot. im quitting soon so i'm just posting it here willy nilly i apologise or should I say you're welcome? /s sdljflfhfgh #TAG EDIT BUT IF MY FIRST TAG IS THE CASE THIS IS JUST A NEW FLAVOUR OF ME AND LOVING SABER BUT THIS TIME IT'S A DIFFERENT TRAGIC KING #THIS IS COMEDY sjkfsdkgdsfjsdf MOM I HAVE A TYPE but anyw can Solmare make a separate game for him too lmao /jk unless

[flareboi]

what if purple never calls him dad

#what if the word ‘dad’ is something purple doesn’t like. #what if it carries a bad connotation for them and a bitter reminder for mango. #family doesnt always have to look like one thing yknow? i dont think those two would have a traditional dynamic in that way #maybe purple does consider him their parent. they just dont call him ‘dad’ unless its in third person #and theyre fine with that and so is he #king is his father figure yes but he’s also a mom. a big brother. a sister. their dynamic just isnt captured in purple calling him ‘dad’ #maybe his name is the best way they can say it. the best way they can appreciate him #because for purple a father is someone who hurts you. someone who leaves you #i think ‘purple calls him dad on accident’ is a cute idea #but honestly it would make more sense if they called him mom on accident instead. or if it happened when they were afraid. not comfortable #(this is presuming orchid is his mother and navy his father based on the pronouns used in the react vids iirc) #because why would purple refer to someone he sees as a parent with the title of the one that presumably did not raise them? #and on mangos end #i think u can kinda tell who in this fandom has never lost a loved one in how they characterize him #guys. grief doesnt leave. it never leaves. #you just learn to live with it!!! #mango is not okay just because he has a new kid to take care of. i would know this my bio mom passed and i have a stepmother!!! #she does not fill that void and i do not expect her to because it cannot be filled. but she brings a lot new to ease the pain and is a #wonderful part of my life #the same thing here #mango will never ever just .. go back to how he was #he will never be the same since gold died. and thats okay #purple will not change that. they will merely add something new #their dynamic can be beautiful and nontraditional and a showing of how grief can change you #it doesnt have to be ‘replacement dad and replacement son’ #its so much more #oke. tag rant over #fett rambles #ava #uhh should i tag the chars

[ifthestarsarewilling]

i need to be adopted by doctor carmilla like. right now

#shes my mother and i love her #i collect parent figures like i collect terry pratchett books #i think this is the brain fuckery again actually #should maybe probably go to a doctor about that but ehhhh #dae:) #the mechanisms #the mechs #dr carmilla #doctor carmilla #why am i like this (incapable of calling her carmilla) #its either 'mom' or 'the doc'/'doc c' #it's the brain fuckery i think

[cuteniarose]

Personally I find it really funny that based on what the twins said in the Book 2 finale re: having to tell their mom about what happened to Unalaq, it's literally canon that Unalaq's wife a) exists, b) is alive, and c) is just chilling in the Northern Water Tribe

She took one look at all the spirit fuckery her husband was getting up to and went "Well that's none of my business" and honestly I respect that

#oh and when I say spirit fuckery I mean it in both the literal and metaphorical sense. blame kat's latest raava and vaatu fic #yeah I'm just gonna start posting random LoK opinions on here now. this blog's been dead long enough #not really an incorrect quotes girly anymore sorry #not even a girl anymore. but you know #most of my red lotus and oc posting will remain on my personal blog though bc no one wants to see that #anyway. yes. Unalaq's wife. when I say the avatar franchise has a mom problem this is exactly what I mean #80% of characters don't have a mom. the moms that are alive either have little to no screen time or mentions #or they're basically Schroedinger's mom in the sense that they exist but not really #the exceptions being like. pema and suyin. and maybe senna though she also has very little screentime #my point is. the twins are younger than korra. I know avatarverse has a precedent for putting kids on the throne. looking at you zuko #but really we should have gotten unalaq's wife as chief of the nwt #introduced her in book 3 during the lead up to p'li's prison break #but that's just my objectively correct opinion #northern water tribe chief raspberry when #(according to avatar wiki her name is malina so I've been calling her raspberry in my head ever since I found out #malina means raspberry in russian that's why. probably in a bunch of other slavic languages too idk I'm not an expert #and she shares a name with katara and sokka's weird white stepmom from the comics which no sane person considers canon. so that's fun) #the legend of korra #unalaq

[oodlesofoddnoodles]

i redid my lockscreen and now its good omens/space themed and i am very happy about it (i cant use discord anymore so get ready for more random posts abt my special interest)

#good omens #lockscreens #special interest #autism #gomens #outer space #space #SPACE!!!! #sorry i rlly like space #and good omens #maybe its the autism #no cuz i actually just got a book about 2 gays trapped in space #its called the darkness outside us if anybody was wonderinng #i havent started it yet but i heard it was good #also im so upset my mom blocked discord off my phone #ppl should b my friends on here

[aamezish]

everyone prioritizes their family and that means even extended chacha ke chacha fufa ke tau etc and i can't even prioritize my sagi one i hate myself

#and its not that they're bad or anything #but im such a people pleaser i feel validation from strangers is more important than family #its because maybe ive watched them too closely and nothing about them fascinates me anymore i know the pattern #and my fun is meeting new people cracking the code #but still #i hate that people will cut your calls leave your message unread kyunki aaj poora din bua mausi aaye the #wish i was that focused on my relatives #ill literally text call anyone even in a middle of a fucking apocalypse #idk yall should tell me if im doing something wrong do yall keep your phones away and forget to text your friends #but i can't focus one thing for too long i cannot physically see messages decking up and not reply #i hate this #do people simply not check. there phone as often or am i an addict #or have i still not learnt to be in the moment #and tomorrow night i leave for home and my friends have planned a meet up #now frn 1 comes to home for one month in her holidays so giving one day or even two days to friends doesn't matter #frn 2 lives in hometown so there's no problem but mind you if she comes she has to leave in 2 minutes because her mom calls every five #minutes just to get her back to home for nothing #frn 3 comes home same as me aka 4-5 days so giving 1 day to friends is parents saying tumhe hamse matlab nahi hai tyohaar mei bhi har baar #milne jaana hota hai #etc #but im home past 4 days ivd literally done nothing papa bhai se utni hi baat hui jitni phone par ho jaati hai #haan for mummy i spent time with her #but most of the time i was on tumblr or scrolling insta to kya hi matlab hua mere ghar aane ka #that means unhe bas meri physical presence chahiye #na ghar par bua aayi na mama na koi #lekin ab kal mujhe jaana hai to kal mama aa jaayenge #why are things this way

[pankomako]

i'd say "oh his channel is as old as my brother is" but that's just always gonna be true. but it IS now older than i was when i first started watching

#failboat #yknow i may not draw him the most realistically but i REALLY feel like i capture his energy so well. idk #like the expressions are just real. barely an exaggeration at all #anyway. personally? i wouldnt say he's fat. like yeah he may have a gut but so do i and ive NEVER been called fat so like #either way i like him with a gut. IN CASE YOU COULDNT TELL. just more to hug yk? makes him even more of a soft n friendly guy #yknow- yknow maybe he should ask MY MOM if he's so concerned. i mean she told me back in like 2020 he looked fat LOL #i still cant believe she said that about him. among other things #like 'is he married yet? he's getting old-' i- why do you care?? do you want ME to marry him?? because frankly- *gets hit by an 18-wheeler

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before #is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things #the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the #weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad #not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a #prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country #my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for #treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad #as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain #shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing #to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird #when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk #i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach #out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like??? #this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home #somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms. #but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long #term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting #whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot #i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors #i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival #unrelated

[hestiasroom]

does anyone else's mom think they are "mean" for having boundaries? or is that just my mom?

#me: maybe there is a reason none of his 4 daughters speak to our cousin anymore. should we really invite him over to christmas? #my mom: i'm not ignoring red flags. i just don't feel the need to be so mean and not invite him over anyway! #me: okay. #she is so completely attracted to weak and failed men #the more they use her the more she wants to be around them #it's like... have you not noticed that this man only calls when he needs money or rides or a free caretaker??? #she will literally ALWAYS find the money to take care of men like this but will happily screw me and my credit score over if she doesn't #feel like paying a bill that month #literally my score is a 542 right now and i have mommy dearest to thank for that along with my own stupidity in trusting her not to be #an idiot when it comes to money but she will never change on that front #lol but she found a way to give thousands to my dad this year #it's honestly like she HATES any woman who is competent and not serving men #it's like she thinks it's her duty to harm herself financially to care for men

[sga-owns-my-soul]

i keep telling myself i don't care that my family isn't talking to me anymore bc i don't like my family

but it's christmas and my mom hasn't even texted me

and now i'm crying on a bus about it

#there's only been a few times i couldn't go home for christmas since i moved away #and every year my mom called me #and she hasn't yet #and maybe it's just because this is the first year they're doing stuff christmas day instead of christmas eve #but #idk i keep telling myself this is good #i've been wanting to go no contact with my family for years #and the only reason i didn't was bc of my cousin #who's been my best friend my entire life #and then she ended our friendship #and no one in my family has talked to me since #and i SHOULD be glad #bc this is what i wanted!!! #it just #it fucking sucks that i'm once again the problem #because i'm always the problem. everything is always my fault #im just so sick of this #why does my family hate me so much #what did i do wrong #i've tried harder than any of them #and im still not ever good enough #god this fucking sucks #my partner isn't even home #so im gonna cry alone tonight #merry christmas to me i guess #fuck #ignore this #personal rambles #my family sucks #not stargate

[wereh0gz]

Is my discomfort with my boobs gender dysphoria, body dysmorphia, or just a general discomfort with the sensations of having a human body that comes with possible neurodivergency

#ramblings #it's probably all three tbh #it's not severe. like i can live with this. it's fine #but also i generally wish i had a flatter chest #every time i imagine myself in my head i see myself with a flatter chest #but like do i wanna go through the trouble of getting rid of them entirely #or should i just try getting a binder or something #or should i just. leave things as they are #idfk #i don't think top surgery would be an option bc money and. i'm scared of surgery honestly #and the recovery looks painful as shit #and like what if i regret it? what if i was wrong and that wasn't the best option for me? #i think i should just try to get a binder or something. just see how that works for me #and contemplate surgery when i'm older and can support myself and am more sure of whether that's right for me or not #also i'm. hesitant to call it anything bc again it's not really that severe #it's like. a thought that occassionally crosses my mind. at least once a day.. and doesn't leave for a while.... #hm yeah no maybe it's not as mild as i thought it was actually. wonderful realization to come to in the middle of writing a post #anyways. idk if anyone has any binder recs or anything i'll take 'em #also maybe tips on how to approach my mom abt this?? idk if feels like something i should talk abt with her but idk how to even bring it up

[arabian-batboy]

College having some necessary subjects only dropping in either Fall or Spring semesters is complete bullshit, because I just failed a subject in Fall 2022 that will prevent me from registering a subject for Spring 2023 (which would have been my finally semester in college) meaning that if my professor didn’t feel sorry for me while reading the Email I sent him explaining my situation, then I would be forced to retake his course and register the other course in Spring 2024 so my graduation would be halted for an entire extra year and I wouldn’t have anything to do in Fall 2023.

#I really feel like throwing up #especially since I'm on a sponsorship and I'm required to to finish in spring 2023 #I only need 8 grade to pass which is a lot #but you never know #maybe I should have my mom calling him? It might be embarrassing but I don't have any other options #I sent him the Email yesterday and he haven't responded yet

[girlscience]

well. I added my recent work stuff to my resume today, but then got stressed and didn't even manage to edit it. the day isn't over so maybe I'll get more done, but aaaghaghghaghag

#I thought I just needed to add my new experince and call it good #except it is definitely made for applying to a job not a school #and i dont know how to change it or what all i need to change to make it better #like i feel like i should remove things but then it just seems really empty?? #and i am also trying to plan a trip with my mom to go look at one of the schools tomorrow #because i completely forgot that was a thing i should maybe do? #i just started applying places without even thinking about the schools themselves #outside of if they were good/had the programs i want #i didn't look at price or the campus or how big they are or what cities they are in #and the one im looking at with my mom has two campuses and i have to pick which one i want to go to #and trying to figure out which one would be better is very confusing #wish they would just be like you will have access to these facilities at this campus and these facilities at this one #but they dont have that #and then also i need to figure out TA/GA positions and applications #and i am so stressed about that and keep putting it off #but like. i have basically given myself two weeks to get everything done and haven't done any of it yet #and i am going to cry and puke #do i actually think i can do this if the application is making me feel like this? #but i cant back out now because i have told too many people and asked for refernce letters #and also i do want to do it #but then i am also supposed to look for even more schools and have to do all this for them too #*sobbibng*

[palettesofrenaissance]

That post that goes "self aware enough to feel yourself starting to downward spiral and self destruct, but too mentally ill and fucked up to stop it

If I'm not making sense for X amount of hours or even days from this point on, this is why

In a way Tumblr is a digital diary for everyone -- literally everyone who uses this site has posted their thoughts at least once. So if you get sick of me, please be comforted to know that youre not actually me and therefore I confidently feel a thousand times worse than you do

#vent post #I should have known that something was creeping up on me subconsciously when I went to one sister's 13th bday dinner and mom asked if I was #making myself throw up again because of my weight worries... in front my 16yo sister 💀💀 #I don't post my thoughts on this site a lot and of those I do click ''post'' on are about 5% of all my thoughts ever #there's so much shit I'm stressed over and I've used this site as a distraction... #there's being a Black female facing constant stereotypes in this struggling job economy just trying to get a better job #there's being the eldest daughter and growing up poor and still having parents and relatives who struggle financially #it's my car. it's inflation. it's being surrounded by unhappy people even strangers. it's my roommate drama. it's calling the police. it's #it's needing healthcare because my doctor told me I'm pre- conditions and diseases and shouldn't self medicate anymore but that's expensive #it's seeing homeless people on the street and stressing to not being one of them while remembering when y'all were homeless as a kid #and it's watching the news. needing to support my siblings in college. wanting a load. wanting to move and get a better job but that's mone #it's desperately wanting more storms to happen locally so I can do that temp job that paid a livable wage but was killing me #it's more things going on too and on top of that I lie to my therapist and I don't think my dosage of prozac is working anymore #or maybe and I hope this is just temporary

[fatimaah]

☆.𓋼𓍊 𓆏 𓍊𓋼𓍊.☆

new pencilcase is literally the best thing that can happen to a person ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ

#i feel reborn #what should I call my tomato #my sis told me to call him помидорка #<3 #also should I maybe start journaling??? #i mean like on real paper not in my Tumblr but then again don't want my mom to see it #not like I have something too personal tho #crochetblr #days