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#maybe changin too
mumpsetc · 3 months
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New Cute Applejack Icon and Theme Has Been Unlocked
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carcinized · 2 years
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WOOO 🎉 getting my life together hash tag BOSS !
#i SHOWERED and HAD DINNER and PLANNED for my FUTURE#nevermind all the things that r wrong and especially nevermind the living fucking beetle i found in my hair in the shower O-o#its. been a hot second since i showered 💗💗 he was just hanging out. when the episode depressives. ick that was gross#hes gone now im all clean no more bugs on me. i hope#but like woo!!! figured out my priorities for the next few months; like making moneys more important for me rn than school#& bc of my uncommon class schedule i made for myself im gonna have GREAT working hours#& not too many acedemic classes. besides chem & my funky humanities cryptid class i only have 2 academic classes?#<- i leave those 2 classes out bc theyre both things i learn about for FUN already#unless i switch out of choir for spanish which is feeling kinda likely rn for . reasons. love u choir but its gonna be different#might try and find a choir outside my school. why the fuck not. maybe i'll join a barbershop group#bc the choir in my school is. deteriorating like i'll get WAY more from a spanish class than a choir class#& spanishs not hard for me so like . why not man#SORRY THIS IS A LOT OF THOUGHTS. BUT LIKE. idk im just organizing myself. i need an aim thats why i feel like im floating#i just need smth to work on. i dont have people to ground me rn but i can work on getting myself stability for the future#and who knows maybe starting up school (and getting HOME) again will be stabilizing even if its all going to be vastly different#priorities r changin. this is good i'll be happier this way probably#anyways. yeah sorry im jsut.. thinkin. bout life. yeah#tobin talks
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zoppzoop · 2 years
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... rant in tags
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1.6k / 19 / same continuity as TF141's free use medic
...
Soap steps inside the makeshift saferoom with you and slams the door behind him. He looks down at you, his eyes hot and aggressive from combat moments before. You'd heard him loose all kinds of insults and frankly brutal threats on the enemy soldiers after they'd almost managed to get ahold of you. Even now, with both of you relatively safe and the room clear, you know the adrenaline will take time to run its course in his system.
He sees the look you're giving him. "What?" he snaps. "Got a problem? Want me a little less loose with my tongue? Maybe you ought to be, considering all the things I could say right now."
You set your jaw, patience short. "Yeah? Say it."
"Well," he says, "let's say I think it's bloody embarrassing that you've been acting like a moody little twat ever since we left the bird."
You cross your arms. "Yeah? So what?"
"So I think you should stop acting like a goddamn child before you make me put you over my knee."
nsfw ⬇
"You're the one who wanted to come this way. I told you not to."
"And I said that I was coming anyway," he snaps, leaning closer to you so that your faces are only a few inches apart. "I'm startin' to think that might've been a mistake."
You stand your ground against him, hot, self-righteous anger simmering under your skin. "What was your first fucking clue?"
"I think the real question," Johnny says, his temper rising as well, "is why I still waste my time on the likes of you."
"Because all you care about is getting your dick wet," you snap. "And you're too lazy to buy a fucking fleshlight."
His head snaps back a little at your reply. His expression darkens. "And all you care about is making people miserable just because you're so goddamn miserable yourself, huh?"
"Yeah. That must be it." You can't deny the spark this is lighting in your gut, either. It's like you need the catharsis.
His eyes travel slowly over your body before he leans back a little, looking you up and down. His expression is still murky, but there's something like interest there. "So you're just gonna stand there and talk like that? Is that what you want to do?"
"Depends," you snap. "Are you just gonna let me keep baiting you, or are you gonna shut me up?"
His expression seems to grow more intense for a few seconds, and then, without warning, his hand tangles in your hair and his mouth presses against yours. He kisses you roughly, aggressively, groping you roughly under your uniform.
You growl into his mouth, feeling his hands on you. It's rough, but you want it rougher. "Is that all?" you hiss. "Do you even want to fuck?"
"That all you want me for?" he barks. He grabs your wrists and pulls you in close. His eyes flick up and down your body, taking in every curve, before he leans down again and whispers roughly in your ear. "And let's not get it twisted here," he adds, his voice low. "Much as I like it when you act like a little tease, I came here to fuck you. So shut up and let me do it how I want."
Before you can retort, he grabs your waist hard and pushes you against the wall. He slides one hand into your uniform, grinding the heel of his palm against your core. You groan through gritted teeth.
He chuckles. "That's more like it."
With his free hand, he grabs your chin and pulls your head back so he can meet your eyes again. "Tell the truth," he says, breathing hard. "Are you being a brat on purpose so I'll be rougher with ya?"
You feel yourself get wet immediately at that and press your thighs together. "Maybe."
The corner of his mouth twitches. "You really are a fucking troublemaker, aren't you?" He suddenly releases your chin and jerks the neckline of your uniform down, exposing your breasts and nearly tearing the fabric as he kneels down between your legs. Your breath hitches as he starts suckling on your nipple, eliciting a whimper from you.
"Soap, we... we don't have much time."
He hums around your nipple, pulling it gently. "Don't you dare go changin' your tune now, hen," he warns, his voice like gravel. "Not when you were just beggin’ for it so hard." He undoes your pants and slides his hand back in, reaching for your panties and ripping them aside. He slides two fingers inside you, and you gasp. "Not when you're already so fucking wet."
He works you over until you're arching into him, your knee tucked under his arm and the soft flesh of your tits pressed into his teeth.
He smiles wickedly. "Oh, I thought ye were a brat, but now..." He licks along the tendons in your neck, moving up to your mouth. "Now I think you're openin' right up for me." He kisses you deeply, his tongue pushing past your lips. His fingers move faster, his need driving him faster and rougher.
The comm on your neck crackles to life. You bite down on a moan just in time to hear Graves' voice in your ear. The static jolts you back to awareness. You're standing in a dark room, mid-mission, coming apart in Soap's hands.
"This is Shadow 0-1," Graves says. "Encountering trouble reaching rendezvous point." There's a beat of silence as you bite your lip, not trusting yourself to speak. "... Do you copy?"
Soap's fingers slow but don't still inside you. "Copy that, Shadow 0-1. Anyone hurt?"
"Negative," Graves replies. "Just finding an alternative route. Assuming you two are making your way just fine. How's our little medic?"
You see deep irritation flash through Soap's eyes when Graves says that. You're not sure why Graves gets such satisfaction out of flirting with you in front of your team. You just know Soap's nerves are raw and his patience is razor-thin at this point in the mission.
"I'm fine," you say quickly. "We're close to the rendezvous point. How long will you be?"
"Not long at all, sweetheart," Graves replies. You hate that your cheeks heat up immediately.
"We'll be there in ten minutes,” Soap interject, sharp and strained. He glares at you. "And we'll be keepin' our voices low."
Your heart hammers in your chest as you hear Graves chuckle lightly over the comm. “Understood. She's in good hands, right, Soap?”
Soap switches his comm off, muttering something about that bloody fuckin' idiot under his breath. Then he shifts his focus back to you.
"Soap--"
"Felt you clench up just then. Don't act like you didn't."
You ignore that, pushing on his shoulders even though he doesn't budge. "We should keep going. We need to stay focused."
His grip only tightens around you. "Focus, my arse."
He shoves his fingers into you roughly again. You cry out in surprise, your head hitting the wall behind you as your body spasms. He redoubles his speed. Your hands hit the wall, almost climbing it in your haste to regain some semblance of control. Your thighs clench and twitch with the sudden, intense pleasure his rough fingertips send through your every nerve ending.
Soap's voice is hot on your chest. "Still likin' this, hm?" His fingers drag your inner walls tortuously. "Still want to cum?"
Yeah, and you hate how close he has you to cumming already. You've been too fucking pent up. Dealing with Soap's bullshit, even when he's not inside you, just makes it worse.
He starts to slow down and you buck your hips into him impatiently. You reach for his belt, but he pushes your hand away. You curse and slide your hand to your clit instead. "Let me cum on your cock already," you grit out. You're not sure what's making you more desperate to finish--your body's urges or the urgency in the front of your mind to get to the rendezvous point.
"I wouldn't want to do that," Soap murmurs against your shoulder, his breath warm and ragged. "Not until I'm good and ready." A smirk seeps into his voice as he rubs deeper, grinding against your clit as you're trying to work it yourself. The pleasure jolts through you like lightning, and you bite back another cry. "You don't call the shots here, hen. I do." 
"You're not my--" Your protests are cut off by a gasp as he thrusts hard again, driving you closer to the edge. 
"Might have a whole team to patch up once we get there," he murmurs, nipping at your earlobe. "They'll need their medic back in tip-top shape, won't they?" 
He pulls out abruptly, leaving you panting and cursing.
"Soap-- fuck--"
As you struggle to catch your breath, Soap fixes your clothes. There's a dark look in his eyes and a smirk on his face. You know instantly he was waiting until he felt you on the very edge of your orgasm--could feel your walls tightening up on his finger--before pulling out. He wanted to get you that close to the edge and leave you frustrated.
He refastens the last buttons on your shirt and leans in close to your ear again. "Next time, don't engage with that asshole." He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. "But don't worry... I'll take care of you later. Let's move out. Wouldn't want to keep your man Graves waiting."
...
more Soap / more multi-141 and poly 141 / masterlist tag
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He's never gonna leave me no matter how I try to run, so maybe it's time I stopped actin like a stuck up bitch and started bein thankful for what I got
#every day is harder than the one before and he's damn near the only one that can make my head quiet so maybe it's time i stopped strugglin#and just accepted this is where i'm always gonna be no matter what i try to change#don't have the strength to fight it anymore i got nothing to lose anyway#he's already taken any dignity any pride i might've had and i don't think he can make me hate myself any more than i already do#all i wanted was someone that'll never leave never let go of me so what the fuck was i expecting anyway#guess this really is where i belong#at least he can't put me up to the worst shit he used to cause he's got no one else to involve#he's been all nice and caring and gentle for a few days now and i know it's just cause#he wants to make sure he's really got me before he starts pushin again#i know it's not gonna stay that way#i know he doesn't love me and never will but sometimes he makes it real easy to pretend#might even lie if i ask him to#it never lasts for long no matter how good i try to be cause the line he's got me walkin is so impossibly thin#and one of these days i'm gonna read him wrong or just lose my composure and piss him off again but that's a problem for future me#right now i'm gonna take what i can get and let him rope me back in it doesn't make a fucking difference anyway#nothing does cause i can't change the things about myself that need changin#i'm always gonna be crawlin back to him after everythin else falls apart#i'm too fuckin tired of tryin to fight it anymore#spdrvent
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tatsumessy · 1 year
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“Do you think I can be a better wife?” - {Monster Trio + Law}
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Luffy
“Huh???” He cocks his head to the side in confusion wondering where this was coming from. “Why do you ask that?” He asked jumping down from wherever he came from so that he was standing right infront of you. “I don’t know, I feel like I don’t do enough for you.” You admitted placing your finger on your chin trying to come up with ideas to help your husband. He looked at you like this 👁️ 👄 👁️. “You do a lot for me. You make sure I’m fed properly, you give me head pats when I do something good. You do that things with your lips when I ask. YOU EVEN AGREED TO HAVE A BABY WITH ME!” He yelled looking down at the small child standing behind your leg. “Y-Yeah but I wanted a baby too so that doesn’t count. You’re literally you.” You said rubbing the top of your child’s head and watching him run away, “I like what you do Y/n, no need to go changin.” You sighed about to walk away not feeling satisfied it he wrapped his arms around you and peppered your face with kisses.
Zoro
“DO YOU HAVE TO ASK ME THAT NOW?!” He yelled clashing swords with another swordsman, you looked at him with an empathetic smile and nodded your head. “Yes, this is the only time your focus is only on me.” You said not caring that he rolled his eyes quickly getting rid of the guy so that he could have a moment to look at you. “Why do you think you’re not a good wife?” He asked holding his swords to the side being careful to not hurt you. “You know, a marriage is basically like a partnership. You do so much for me especially when it comes to protection but I can’t help in any of those ways.” He sighed quickly taking out a pirate that was behind you then putting his swords away and rested his hands against you cheeks. “You protect me in many ways. Like when I’m napping, you always sit there with me and cover my face from the sun no matter how long I’m out for. And when I’m working out in the nest you sit by my side reading to make sure that I don’t hurt myself. Recently when I wasn’t feeling unwell because of a small cold you took care of me yourself. You protect me everyday with the small things so let me protect you with the big and scary things.” He said pressing a kiss on your forehead, “your my big and scary things.” You innocently said looked up at him and the blush on this man’s cheeks were deeppppp.
Sanji
“What makes you think that my love?” He asked setting the plate of snacks down infront of you then casually took the seat next to you after making sure the stove and stuff was off. “I know how much you want kids and I’m sorry my fertility is bad, maybe I pissed off the fertility god or something but I feel like all I do in this marriage is take take take.” He smiled looking at your flustered face then grabbed the hand that held your wedding band, he brought it up to his lips gently kissing it then holding it up to his chest. “You think that makes you any less of a woman? No. If you want kids there are always other options and baby it’s not like you’re infertile, your eggs are just weaker than most but that doesn’t mean you can’t carry a baby. I can’t believe you let this weigh down on you like this Y/n.” He sighed moving pieces of your hair behind your ear, “I just want to make you happy Sanji.” You said and blood started leaking from his nose, you quickly grabbed a napkin that you always keep nearby for moments like these. “You always make me happy just being here.” He admits cleaning his face up then pressing a soothing kiss on your forehead.
Law
“I don’t have time for your jokes today Y/n.” He said not even looking up from his desk, you sighed rubbing your arm in nervousness ready to leave him be. He happened to glance up noticing something was wrong and stopped you before you had the change to leave the room. He had you sit on his lap while his hand idly rubbed along your backside. “What’s wrong?” He asked and you let out a small sigh while fiddling with the tip of his hat, he could tell you were dodging him and he didn’t like it. “Y/n-ya I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.” You covered your face in embarrassment not wanting to look at him while you spoke, “I just feel like a horrible wife is all.” “Why?” The amount of confusion he felt was evident. “Because, I just do! Being a warlords wife is a big deal.” You said panicking a bit saying the statement that out loud, maybe you thought your husband was changing and you were scared. “Nothing has to change, I’m still the same person, I’m your husband Trafalgar Law and you’re my wife Y/n Law. Warlord is just a title, I’m the same man you married four years ago.” You nodded your head blushing at his words and smiled as he pulled you in for a kiss.
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sky-kiss · 4 months
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I came across the Warped Headband of Intellect which gvies the wearer 17 int and cannot stop thinking about 8 int Tav putting it on and shocking poor Raphael out of his socks with their sudden smarts. 😅 And maybe their sudden lack of them once he removes the headband. 😂
A/N: I run screaming into the night because of how schmoopy this is.
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Raphael x 8 INT Tav: Don't Go Changin'
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He pauses to regard the Little Mouse with curiosity and caution. 
She's looking at him. Not in the vacant, slightly dreamy-eyed way he's grown to expect, but with genuine understanding. Tav cocks her head to the side, eyes narrowing, lips pressing to a thin line. An uncustomarily severe look, and not one Raphael can say he likes. 
"You keep coming back," she says, unprompted, and the tone is different too. Raphael searches her face and aura for anything unusual, but there's nothing. Only a new tiara, one dull stone set in its center; it's a tacky piece, certainly not one he'd have gifted. Tav steps towards him, hesitating, before reaching out to touch his wrist. "Tell me why?" 
"You're asking questions? Are you well, my dear?" 
Her lips quirk up; the softness, at least, is correct. Tav chuckles, shrugging. "I've been running our encounters over and over in my head, trying to come up with a reason. Protecting your assets, maybe," and some alarm trills in his head because the turn of phrase is wrong. "Curiosity, perhaps. But I've signed your contract. I've made good on my word at every step. Do you distrust me?"
"Fae," the word still chokes him. "Do not trust easily. And I have lived a long and twisted life. You have the right of it. I am nothing if not protective of my interests." 
"But that isn't right." Her brow furrows, features twisting prettily. The infernal blood in his veins delights in her frustration; the mortal is…compelled to touch her. Raphael's fingers curl around her forearm. "You only rarely visited before. This," Tav gestures to him, "is a recent development. Since our…" she clears her throat, "Liaison in the Devil's Den. I have a theory, of course, but I prefer to hear your take." 
Raphael frowns, "What's happened? Where is this cunning stemming from? You've theories? You're studying me? Has the worm finally squirmed too deeply into your skull?"
"We both know the tadpole has nothing to do with this, Raphael. Now, I'm asking you for honesty. After everything, you cannot claim that is too much." 
He can and will! The devil crosses his arms over his chest, searching her face again. His gaze keeps straying to that damnable headpiece, horrific and garishly out of place on her lovely face. "I am magnanimous, but even my graces have their limits. I do not indulge my clientele's idle accusations." 
"If we examine your behavior…" 
"Hang my behavior! What has come over you?" 
One of her companions, the tiresome little spawn, sidles up to her. Astarion taps the garish piece. "Do excuse the interruption. And far be it from me to stick my nose in a devil's dispute, but…" He hooks his finger under the headband, lifting it free from her hair. 
And his Mouse's demeanor shifts all at once: all notes of pretension and accusation falling away in the face of better instincts. 
"The headband, you see." Astarion taps it. "Quite impressive what it can do from one's intellect. You know, I would have imagined you preferred a…touch of the cerebral in your partners. It seems I was wrong." 
"For her sake, I will allow that breach in etiquette, little vampling. Begone now." Raphael holds himself to the full of his height, imperious, kingly. The spawn holds his hands up for peace before slinking back into the night, leaving them alone. 
"You've come to visit me again, my prince!" Tav clutches his hand, all instinct, light, and love on her face. There is not an ounce of self-preservation in her marrow as she winds her arms around him, hungry for contact. "You must be so busy, and still, you take the time!" 
Raphael frowns, smoothing a hand over her hair. It feels…wrong, somehow. "Your earlier accusations…" 
She shakes her head, "Don't matter. I don't care why you visit. It doesn't matter. I like it. I like you." 
Submerging him in a pool of holy water would have been less jarring. The cambion blinks, staring down at Tav. 
And this once, a touch of honesty. Raphael clears his throat, an air of offended dignity and dismissal hanging around him. "My dear, for tonight, let us say the feeling is mutual." 
"Just tonight?" 
"Don't get greedy." 
She hums, delighted, pressing her face against his chest. 
And gods, it's all such a mess. 
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mysteryshoptls · 8 months
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SSR Floyd Leech - Beach Wear Voice Lines
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When Summoned: When it comes to the open seas, count me in~! Me and Stitch're gonna totally tear up the place! (Stitch: Hup, hyah!)
Summon Line: I don't get how we just opened up a book and popped out on a deserted island. On top of that, there's this super weird creature here, too... This is awesome!
Groooovy!!: Stitch, whaddya wanna do next? There's no way I can get bored if I'm hangin' with you. (Stitch: Ahaha, ehehe!)
Home: Let's go, Stitch! (Stitch: Ye!)
Swap Looks: Haaaah~ It's hooot.
Home Idle 1: The Beach Dash is one of 'em exercises here on land, huh. Sounds like it takes a ton of moxie, so I think I'll get Crab-chan to do it.
Home Idle 2: I went diving for some fish. Now all that's left to do is get Goldfish-chan angry and fired up so we can use his magic to grill it to perfection~
Home Idle 3: Devilfish-chan's hyped up way more than normal. Can't tell who's supposed to be the upperclassman here at all.
Home Idle - Login: Oh, I'm obviously gonna have a blast on a deserted island I've never seen before! Stitch, if ya find somethin' good, let me know. (Stitch: Yeaaah!)
Home Idle - Groovy: I feel like I've seen that Gantu guy somewhere before… Ah, yeah, he looks like a shark that I ran into on a sunken ships once.
Home Tap 1: I wonder what space is like. There's a ton of scary things out there, so maybe exploring space next would be cool after I'm done bein' on land.
Home Tap 2: This place is waaay different from what I'm used to back home, from the color of the sky to the creatures that're livin' here. Even if ya say it's all one ocean, every little thing's completely alien.
Home Tap 3: I guess sandals ain't actually half bad. I can probably coordinate my look by changin' up what anklets I wear and nail polish I use, too.
Home Tap 4: I never really got why people wore clothes when swimming, but I actually really like this flashy getup!
Home Tap 5: What're you goin' on about now? If you keep on bein' all noisy like that, Stitch might have somethin' to say about it.
Home Tap - Groovy: Good thing we all landed on this deserted island. If we were all thrown into the stormy seas, there's nothing you guys woulda been able to do, right?
Duo: [FLOYD]: Let's see which of us is stronger, Goldfish-chan~ [RIDDLE]: I have no intention of playing along with you, Floyd.
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Requested by @thelonepearl.
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osaevsky · 3 months
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CONGRATS ON 100 NIKO!!!!! maybe some nsfw + atsushi + prompt 18? <3 enjoy the rest of your break friend
niko's 100 followers event.
'cause when i'm around you, i tend not to changin' my mind ⚝ included: atsushi nakajima.⠀;    ♡
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🥮⠀⠀·⠀⠀⚝⠀⠀⠀;  word count: 1.1k + warnings: gn reader, nsfw, friends with benefits / unestablieshed relationship, kinda dom atsu, degradation (slut, whore, cockslut), petnames (lovely, baby, precious), spooning, finger sucking, slight choking, cumming inside, edging. lmk if i forgot anything.
🥮⠀⠀·⠀⠀⚝⠀⠀⠀;  author's note: thank you reid !! <3 i can't really say i didn't write this with my cunt so i pretty much got carried away in some parts oops. i hope you enjoy it anyway lol.
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Being friends with benefits with Atsushi was not a premeditated thought, but rather something spontaneous that left his mouth mid-fuck. And as you thought he got too carried away with his feelings, he asked you once more during the aftermath of it all. 
Agreeing was something just as spontaneous. Why would you say no to this, or Atsushi himself? There was not an actual reason to avoid it. He got you to show him the ropes after trial and error and you took care of your needs with someone as pretty as him, a fair exchange in the end. 
Oh but how he loved to show you how much enthusiasm he had. How he wanted to learn your body, and how desired he felt when you reciprocated the same feelings as him, especially when he left his needy hands to take a grasp over your shirt, tracing over the expanse of your chest, or hooking one of his fingers into your belt and pulling you closer. 
Atsushi was a charmer, even with his awkward manners and that occasional attitude he was able to put out when he wanted to take the reins.
He had you enamored by everything he did from just a few months of spending intimate moments together, but it was because of him, as you were very much aware that if it had been anyone else, it would not have been the same, not even close. 
After spending another night at your apartment, waking up to him disheveled, his back facing you as the rest of him laid under the sheets of your bed. It wasn’t long before he was the one turning over, his eyes partially closed as his arm wrapped around your waist so casually, like he had memorized the movement by now -you were sure he did-, and pulling you closer to his chest. 
Atsushi’s breathing was now right on your neck, soft and composed, as his nose nuzzled into your skin while he held you as if you were ready to break. A different touch to when he got to spend those mornings next to you, even if nothing had happened the night before, Atsushi was so careful with everything: where he put his hands, how hard he pulled you, how overall rough he was. It made your heart melt and he knew it. 
As you tried to close your eyes once more, he began to peck down your nape, his hand moving upwards to pull your shirt just slightly and expose your shoulder. You could swear you heard him chuckle under his breath, already seeing how receptive your body was to his touches: goosebumps appearing over your skin with just a few kisses, and your head tilting to leave more space for him to bite afterwards.
‘’Feels that good already? They’re just a few kisses, I didn’t remember you being this sensitive’’ He asked, not stopping his little chatter before he finished off with a small love bite, close to one of your shoulder blades. A pained whine escaped your lips, catching him off guard for once, wondering what he did wrong. 
‘’Why did you stop?’’ Oh, so that's what it was. 
He didn’t do anything wrong, of course not; you were just needy for more, just like he had been for weeks to no end when this agreement started. He began to wonder if he could love you more than he already did when he saw you like this, asking for more in between whines and pushing your hips back to meet his.
‘’You’re gonna start acting like a greedy slut now? That’s what’s about, huh.’’ Although he degraded you, who was he to not comply, pushing his hips a bit more into yours, making you feel the outline of his dick under his pants. His cock was beginning to harden and throb against your body, looking for more friction, for it to be inside of you already.
The hand that played with your shirt earlier grabbed your chin for a split second, meeting your eye as he forced you to turn your head back at him. You could tell he was asking if he could move forward, and you nodded. 
You could already tell how eager he was about it, too: how fast he pushed your pants down slightly and his, how his fingers brushed over the swell of your ass and got to grip your hips right after, steadying you while your leg moved upwards, waiting for him to slide in. Atsushi’s free hand traveled over your stomach, caressing your chest in the process as it reached your mouth, his thumb softly pressing on your bottom lip. 
‘’Open up, lovely.’’ Atsushi did not waste any time in getting his finger right inside for you to suck on it as a way to shush your little cries when he decided to slide inside, pressing down on your tongue a little harder when he saw you already clamping down on his dick. ‘’Relax, baby, take it easy, you always do so well for me- yeah, just like that, so proud of you.’’ 
The throbbing of his cock as he settled inside of you was beginning to grow painful, but he was doing his best to remain patient for you, waiting for your body to adjust. He slowly removed his thumb away from your mouth, bringing his fingers down to your throat and wrapping them there. 
‘’Please, please, move, need to feel you more, please, Atsu-’’ He tightened the grip around your throat as you spoke, slowly making your voice sound weaker, while his was surely trying to mock you. 
‘’You sure act like a whore. All that blabber just from my dick? Tsk, I thought you knew better. Begging already like a desperate cockslut. You sure missed my touch that much, did you?’’ 
But Atsushi would indulge you, even if you thought he wouldn’t, making you think like you needed to beg some more.
There was not an actual need, as he began to thrust his hips into yours with sharp movements, not waiting anymore as he had enough himself. The squeezing around your throat went lighter as he lost his grip, slowly losing himself inside your walls as Atsushi felt his own climax approaching. 
Just a tad quicker than yours would, as he was purposely looking for his own peak, selfishly fucking himself into you without regard, cumming deep, deep inside like he liked to. 
At the sight of your confused -and pained- expression, various ‘’wait, wait, atsu- i didn’t- atsushi, please-’’ coming out slurred, wondering why he did not let you cum, watching how he pulled out, leaving your hole to spasm around nothing, his lips pecked your cheek from the side, slowly but carefully moving to settle between your thighs as he accommodated you on your back. 
‘’Looks like you’re about to cry, precious. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it, I just wanna make sure you cum on my tongue instead, alright?’’ 
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devildomwriter · 5 months
Text
Dance Invitations Vol 2
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Asmodeus: “Ooh! Hey, I just thought of something! There’s going to be a dance as part of the school festival celebrations, right?”
Satan: “Assuming nothing has changed this year, yes.”
Asmodeus: “So, who do you think MC is going to dance with?”
Belphegor
“…Um, listen. There’s going to be a dance as part of the school festival, and… I was wondering if maybe you’d go with me…?”
— 27-15
Satan
“There’s going to be a dance on the evening of the school festival. And I was wondering if you’d be interested in going with me?”
— 27-16
Asmodeus
“MC, did you know that there will be a dance on the day of the school festival? So, how about we go together? You’d like that, right? I mean, with me as your partner, you’re guaranteed to be the center of attention! The whole school will be talking about you, you know?”
— 27-19
Beelzebub
“When I’m with you, MC, I’m a little less aware of how hungry I am. …At least, that’s how it seems to me. …Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask you something. There’s going to be a dance on the evening of the school festival. And I was wondering if you’d go as my partner?”
— 28-1
Leviathan
“…Um, hey. MC… Uh, about the, um…dance party. You know, on the night of the school festival… Would you be interested in maybe going with me…?”
— 28-5
Mammom
“Anyway, changin’ the subject… MC, I know there’s somethin’ you wanna say to me. Go on! …You don’t know what I’m talkin’ about? Really?! Really really?! You seriously don’t know?! Come on, I’m talkin’ about the thing! The thing happenin’ after the school festival!”
— 28-8/28-11
Lucifer
“And so I ask you, as the one I love…would you dance with me tonight? I can’t hope to marry you and live out our days together. It would be a selfish dereliction off duty, and I can’t abandon my people like that. So I ask you, could I have this one night…one night to remember forever?”
– 28-15
Solomon
“Wait…you mean to say you don’t have a date to the dance? Well, I was planning on going alone, too. Why don’t we lonely singles go together?”
- 28-19
Next
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green-alien-turdz · 3 months
Note
i want you to go over each and every small character detail you add and explain i love your mind and your art dude no homo
Okay, here we go
STAN: Peace sign pin on his hat n sometimes wears preachy shirts about environmentalism bcuz he's an ecofag. He has faint old scars on his arms n thighs cuz he used to cut. He's often covered in bruises bcuz the CD shows are tightly packed n he will inevitably get hit at least once.
KENNY: Covered in shit load of scars bcuz dead as hell. He's missin a visible top tooth bcuz it got cracked as shit n asked the gang to pull it out for him, which they very poorly did. While he doesn't care about havin nice clothes, he likes comedy shirts bcuz he'll lose his mind if he can't make someone at least chuckle.
CARTMAN: Stretch marks bcuz he a big bitch. His hair is the exact same bcuz he got so used to it as a kid n now has anxiety about changin it (he will never admit this). He also likes wearin funny shirts bcuz Kenny got him goin on that. Bro also wears tight or more showin clothin when he feels cuz he couldn't give less of a shit about how other view his body.
KYLE: Mouth scars from Human Centipad (he just kinda ignores the scars now. He couldn't come to terms with them, so he just numbed himself to them), sh scars bcuz that bitch ain't well. Jewfro in full bloom as he just doesn't care n he REALLY needs to take better care of it bcuz it's so matted. CD shirt 95% of the time bcuz it's like his #1 comfort item.
MARJORINE (or Butters if we're goin by show name): She keeps her hair at that very specific length bcuz it's long enough to where she feels more feminine, but short enough to where her parents don't suspect anything (but gettin allowed to grow it that long took a lot of convincing). He eye left eye is scarred n not able to move much due to the throwin star incident (she is blind in that eye). She does have old sh scars from middle school when she had to come to terms with bein trans n she was extremely confused n conflicted about all of it. She likes wearin skirts bcuz it makes her feel more feminine, but has to get dressed once out in public, so it's somethin she can quickly get on and off if need be.
IKE: Long hair/mullet adjacent bcuz he is just likin the look right now n after Sheila made him keep his hair short for majority of his childhood, he's just kinda feelin out different things. I gave him freckles bcuz in Cartman Get's an Anal Probe, Kyle calls him a 'freckly kid'. Bro got them glasses bcuz he grew up on the computer. His front tooth is cracked n brown bcuz he n Kyle were wrestlin n Ike hit a table. And while it's not completely uncommon for people to start growin facial hair in middle school, Ike started to bcuz Canadians hit puberty earlier.
KAREN: She has a birth mark on the left side of her face (did this in placement for the weird maybe dirt stain she has in the show). Her hair is long n all over the place bcuz she doesn't really brush her hair (you can blame Kenny for the influence) n she cuts it herself but is not too great at layering. Growin up impoverished n around the ideologies that Stan n CD always talks about made her rather angry in the sphere of politics n human rights, so she is very vocal about her opinions of the shit she sees (which is why she always writes shit on her clothes). She can also sometimes be seen wearin a rasta coloured beanie, which was Kevin's before he died.
CRAIG: Usually wearin his work hoodie (Fagoccini's Pizzaria) bcuz mf doesn't care to put in effort outside of that seein as he works so much. Bro wears a similar hat to the one he did as a kid bcuz it brought him a lot of comfort, n now that his hairline is recedin n he's baldin a lil bit at 18, he wears it bcuz he's a lil insecure. He doesn't give a shit that his teeth a crooked n gapped cuz it doesn't effect shit, but he does have a bit of an underbite that pisses him off bcuz he swears up n down that's what makes his voice sound so nasally.
TWEEK: Hair all fuckin wild bcuz he cuts it himself, n loses patience quickly n starts choppin. He also has white streaks in his hair which started appearing after his parents got arrested n durin his very long detox (from the stress of the info and on his body cuz of the dependency). He's got scratches all over his face n body from stress scratchin, meltdowns, n a few mishaps here n there. Bro also got sh scars bcuz bro got a lotta shit that went down n his brain chemistry is FUCKED.
WENDY: She cuts her hair short bcuz she wants to have a more androgynous appearance, but is still very confident with bein feminine n shit like that. When she started to become more human rights n social justice oriented, she started to get into boxing (as well as wrestling in school). She thought it would be a good to know how to fight if it came down to it. Plus she could already kick ass before, n she just thought it would be best to hone that ability.
BEBE: Started changin quite a bit after she had a whole moment of thinkin that she would turn out exactly like her mom (she has nothin wrong with her, just doesn't want that life). While she's still into things like cheer, she also started lookin into things that weren't what she was used to. She ended up findin Pink Flamingos, n became obsessed with Divine ever since. She dyes her cuz she feels better with it. n while she still does her makeup conventionally, she likes doin a more dark colour palet.
CLYDE: He's just Clyde. Dude's appearance didn't change that much bcuz he didn't change much. Some mfs just kinda be like that.
TOLKEIN: His mom suggested he try different hairstyles to be more connected with his culture bcuz he was havin a moment where he felt a lil blah bein the only Black dude his age in the area. He doesn't do upkeep as much as he should though, so things are a lil messy, but he doesn't see a problem as workin on the farm makes everythin messy so much faster anyway.
JIMMY: Bro just dresses casually. He doesn't really care about clothes or shit bcuz he can get people's attention with his comedy. Ladies man as fuck
HENRIETTA: Always has the best outfits bcuz she got into sewin so that she could start makin shit that she specifically wanted. She has a few tattoos- some are stick n pokes she did with her friends, others her mom signed off on when she was still under 18. She tries to ward people off with her makeup, which works rather well in South Park. She has both old sh scars from her emo moment (where she was just doin it cuz that's what she was told emo's did), n ones from later on where she was just feelin super empty n couldn't find a way to romanticize it like done previously.
FIRKLE: He's still in middle school so he doesn't go AS out there with his fashion bcuz he doesn't have the in-school support of his friends anymore. But still does dramatic makeup which he gets in trouble for all the time.
MICHAEL: Simple clothes that he's comfortable in, but not so simple that he feels like he's conforming. Pierced his ears up n down bcuz he was told he couldn't. Pierced his own eyebrow 3 different times bcuz it keeps growin out. Knee brace due to arthritis, unfortunately. A shit load of sh scars bcuz he always tries to act so stoic n unbothered around everyone else, that it led to him breaking down all the time in private bcuz he wasn't allowin himself to feel things.
/\ They have a matchin stick n poke 'nevermore' tattoo bcuz they thought it'd be pretty dope n they wanted to connect themselves with eachother via blood usin the same needle (don't do that, it's not great to get other people's blood in ya) \/
PETE: Dude's mom is extremely supportive of him bein goth, so much so that she was the one dyin his hair as a kid bcuz he asked. He has a very specific style that he likes n sometimes he goes through his grandpa's old shit to find stuff to wear (usually altering it to be more dark in appearance).
(There are others I have designs for, but bcuz I haven't posted them much, imma just stop here.)
Enjoy this fuckin novel, bro. Thank you. And I'm sorry, but I'm a full homo kind of guy
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eoieopda · 9 months
Note
helloooo! i saw you were taking requests, esp for skz, and i could not resist asking for changbin x reader, please! dealer's choice for genre & whatnot, but maybe with a lil' pining in there somewhere? 🥺💕
order up!! 🥰
the one with changbin and the houseguest
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pairing: seo changbin x gn!reader type: drabble (fluff) au: roommates to ?, mutual pining rating: pg13 wc: 1.5k (oops) summary: there’s a new tenant in your two-bedroom apartment, and it is not on the lease. it is, however, on your ceiling. a/n: just a couple of cowards moonlighting as idiots in love! 💘 ft. a pov switch, a spider, and one of my favorite tropes. 🔞 MINORS WHO INTERACT WITH ME AND/OR MY CONTENT WILL BE BLOCKED, WHETHER OR NOT THE CONTENT IS NSFW. I’M AN ADULT WRITING EXCLUSIVELY FOR OTHER ADULTS.
Changbin can’t say he’s used to being ripped awake by the sound of shrieking, but living with you has resulted in him being surprised more often than not, so he tries his best to expect the unexpected.
For what it’s worth, he also tries his best to kick his feet free of his blankets. He fails — flails, more like it — and winds up crashing to the ground with enough force to make his nightstand shake. The army of cups he keeps forgetting to bring to the kitchen wobbles ominously but stays standing.
Even though his body is nowhere near awake enough to handle this level of activity, he peels himself off the ground with shocking speed. Nothing that comes next is graceful. Bleary-eyed, he stumbles towards the door and reaches a fumbling hand out for the knob.
As he jerks it open, he calls out your name. You must not hear it over the thwack of the door hitting the wall, or the cha-ching of your security deposit being forfeited, because he certainly doesn’t hear a response.
“Fuck,” Changbin hisses to no one in particular, picking up the pace.
It dawns on him after nearly kicking your door down that he probably should’ve knocked first, but he’s less worried about finding you indecent than — well, deceased. Thankfully, you’re standing in the corner of your room, fully clothed and fully alive. You’re cowering, though, which he’s not at all a fan of.
Voice still heavy with exhaustion, he asks as urgently as possible, “What’s wrong? What happened?”
All you do is point.
Straight up to the ceiling above your bed, where it’s way too dark for Changbin to spot the problem. He frowns, wondering if he’s blind, pranked, or both.
“Spider,” you finally peep.
And oh god, your voice is a fatal combination of soft and scared. He barely survives his heart squeezing in his chest at the sound. Then, you have the nerve to look at him with your giant eyes shining like that. 
You repeat yourself even more quietly, now even more embarrassed by his silence. “There’s a spider — above my bed.”
Oh.
Oh, no.
Changin would love to be brave for you, but he’s drawn a firm line here, and he’ll be goddamned if he lets eight disgusting legs cross it.
He skirts around the perimeter of your room on tiptoe with his palms pressed flat to the wall, giving the spider a wide berth. He knows exactly how ridiculous he’s being, but doesn’t care. His focus is dedicated solely to grabbing your hand — not thinking about how small it is in his — and pulling you out the door behind him.
When you’re both clear, Changbin all but slams the door shut behind him. His back immediately presses against it, forming a barricade that’s far from necessary. Panicked eyes flick over to find you standing there, now looking more amused than afraid.
You purse your lips together to keep from smiling. You don’t laugh at him, though, and you don’t let go of his hand, either. He’s grateful on both counts.
“What now?” You whisper, gazing pointedly at the room you’re definitely not sleeping in tonight. “If I won’t catch it, and you won’t catch it — what the hell do we do about it?”
“That is her room now.”
He’s dead serious, and yet you giggle so hard that you snort. Your free hand slaps over your mouth to muffle the sound, but it’s too late. He’s already a goner, too endeared to survive.
When you manage to stop laughing, you start pouting. “Do you think it’s laying eggs in my bed?”
“Oh, absolutely.” Changbin responds, earnest. 
The second he says it, he clocks the way your anxious eyes go wide again. 
Nope, hate that. 
Quick to fix it, he fashions a band-aid out of a joke and a wink. “And now our rent is going to skyrocket because there’s gonna be a thousand new tenants on the lease.”
As soon as Changbin rescued you from your bedroom, you knew exactly what would happen next:
You’d move to take up refuge on the couch; and he’d refuse to let you. He’d offer his bed; you’d insist that he didn’t need to lose additional sleep because of you. The entire time, there would be a little voice inside your head praying for an alternative outcome. Some secret third option where you’d wind up together somehow. 
The result you expected — pulling an all-nighter to watch movies in the living room because you’re both too stubborn to cave — wasn’t the one you got.
Instead, you got Changbin glancing you up and down as he assessed you. A shrug when he shared his findings, sans context: “Eh. You’ll fit.”
Before you could demand that he elaborate on that finding, he was circling around behind you. 
Thankfully — for once — he didn’t hoist you off the ground like he usually does. Apparently, he’d learned his lesson after the last time. All it takes to knock sense into someone is an accidental elbow to the skull, it seems.
Unexpectedly, you felt the weight of his tired frame leaning into your back; two palms flattening gently against your shoulder blades. Just like that, he guided you forward towards his bedroom door, as if he was pushing a sled at the gym and not an entire human being. 
Carefully, though. 
Always carefully.
Now, you find yourself on the left side of a bed you’d only ever wondered about sleeping in. Sweatshirt hood pulled up over your hair, blankets pulled up to your chin, shivering. Happy, nonetheless.
Changbin’s eyes are closed — a fact you learned by staring at him in a distinctly normal and platonic way — and his breathing is slow. Even. But then he speaks out of nowhere and shatters the illusion that he’s been asleep since he laid back down.
“D’you want me to close the window?”
He sounds so tired, all groggy and gravelly in a way that makes your stupid heart flutter. Before now, you thought it was his morning voice that was designed to ruin you. His middle-of-the-night voice is especially dangerous, unfortunately for you.
You shake your head, which he can’t see with his eyes still shut.
Duh.
“No,” you reaffirm in a whisper, like disturbing his sleep isn’t a ship that’s long since sailed. 
You don’t say the quiet part out loud: you’ve burdened him with enough of your problems tonight, and you’d rather die than have him make another concession on your behalf.
Changbin likes sleeping in a cold room — you know this — and you will suck it up, even if it kills you.
He cracks one eye open. The second he sees the way you’re bundled up, he chuckles and you swoon a little more. “Why don’t I believe you?”
Probably because I’m lying.
You don’t say anything, you just burrow further into your cocoon to hide your shame.
“Come here, then.”
At this, you balk. “Pardon?”
“You heard me,” he insists. To emphasize his point, he grabs the comforter and pulls it up and away from his chest. “I’m not gonna sleep for shit if you’re over there shaking. You’re not gonna sleep if you keep pretending you’re not cold —”
Honestly, you have no idea why you fight him on this, but you roll your eyes in spite of yourself.
“— So, come here.”
“Fine,” you groan, like this isn’t exactly what you wanted. 
Like he’s the unreasonable one, and not the unfailingly thoughtful person your subconscious keeps shoving into your dreams, unsolicited.
You wiggle over to him like a lovesick little caterpillar, try to keep that certifiably dopey smile off your face when his arms wrap around you and pull you close. Hesitantly, you let your head fall in the crook of his neck. A beat can’t pass before his chin comes down to rest softly on the top of your head.
You peep, “Is this okay?”
He nods, careful not to crush you with that unreal jaw of his. “Perfect,” he mumbles, already half-asleep again.
Another moment crawls by in silence. 
You can’t help yourself.
Why can’t you ever help yourself?
“Changbin?”
You cringe a little, recognizing that you’re an unrepentant pain in the ass. He grunts quietly, which you take as permission to continue. 
“Do you really think it’s laying eggs in my bed?
He sounds stern — he’s trying to be — but the slight twitch of his lips is a dead giveaway. As tired as he is, he’s still smiling. “Go to sleep.”
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ssstraykiss · 7 months
Text
stray kids as taylor swift's songs🫧 (angst ver.)
skz masterlist | main masterlist
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───※ ·❆· ※───
✰Bang Chan : August
"but I can see us lost in the memory, august slipped away in a moment of time, 'cause it was never mine and I can see us twisted in bedsheets, august sipped away like a bottle of wine,'cause you were never mine." "back when we were still changin' for the better, wanting was enough for me it was enough. To live for the hope of it all, cancel plans in case you call, meet me behind the mall, so much for summer love and saying us 'cause you weren't mine to lose"
✰ Lee Know : Champagne Problems
"your midas touch on the chevy door, november flush and the flannel cure, "this dorm was once a madhouse" i made a joke, "well, it's made for me". How evergreen our group of friends, don't think we'll say that word again and soon they'll have the nerve to deck the hall that we once walked through. One for the money, two for the show, i never was ready so i watched you go" "and hold your hand while dancing, never leave you standing, crestfallen on the landing with champagne problems. Your mom's ring in your pocket, her picture in your wallet, you won't remember all my champagne problems"
✰ Changbin : Right where you left me
"you left me no choice but to stay here forever" "did you hear about the girl who got frozen? Time went on for everyone else, she won't know it. She's still 23 inside her fantasy, how it was supposed to be. Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion? Breakups happen everyday, you don't have to lose it, she's still 23 in her fantasy and you're sitting in front of me" " 'Cause I'm right where. I cause no harm, mind my own business, if our love died young, I can't bear witness and it's been so long but if you ever thing you got it wrong, I'm right where you left me"
✰ Hyunjin : Hoax
"stood on the cliffside screaming, "give me a reason", your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in. Don't want no other shade of blue, but you no other sadness in the world would do" "You know I left a part of me back in New York You knew the hero died, so what's the movie for? You knew it still hurts underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart, you knew the password, so I let you in the door, you knew you won, so what's the point of keeping score? You knew it still hurts underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart but what you did was just as dark, darling, this was just as hard as when they pulled me apart"
✰ Han : Cardigan
"and when i felt like an old cardigan, under someone's bed, you put me on and said i was favourite" "to kiss in cars in downtown bars was all it needed, you drew stars around my scars but now I'm bleeding, 'Cause I knew you steppin' on the last train marked me like a bloodstain, I, I knew you tried to change the ending, peter losing wendy, I, I knew you leaving like a father, running like water" "but i knew you'd linger like a tattooed kiss, i knew you'd haunt all my what if's" "Cause I knew everything when i was young, i knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired and you'd be standing in my front porch light and I knew you'd come back to me"
✰ Felix : Back to December
"realized i loved you in fall and then the cold came, the dark days. When fear crept in my mind you gave me all your love, and all i gave you was goodbye" "So this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying sorry for that night and I go back to december all the time" "i miss your tan skin, you sweet smile, so good to me, so right and how you held be that september night, first time you ever saw me cry" "maybe this is wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming. But if we loved again, I'd love you right, I'd go back in time and change it but i can't, so if the chain is on your door I understand."
✰ Seungmin : All too well
"we were always skipping town, and i was thinking on the drive down "any time now, he's gonna say it's love", you never called what it was, 'til we were dead and gone and buried. Check the pulse and come back swearin' it's all the same, after three months in the grave and then wondered where it went to as I reached for you but all I felt was shame and you held my lifeless frame" "and maybe we got lost in translation and maybe i asked for too much, and maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up, running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well" "and you call me up again just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the nane if being honest, I'm a crumbled up piece of paper lyin' here, 'cause i remember it all"
✰ I.N : My tears ricochet
"even on my worst day, did i deserve it babe, all the hell you gave me? 'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you 'til my dying day" "and if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed" "you know, I didn't want to haunt you but what a ghostly scene, you wear the same jewels i gave you as you bury me" "and you can aim for my heart, go for my blood, but yu would still miss me in your bones, and i talk to you when I'm screaming at the sky, and when you can't sleep at night you hear my stolen lullabies" "and you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain crossing out the good years and you're cursing my name, wish I stayed, look at my tears ricochet"
───※ ·❆· ※───
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criminalmindswhore · 7 months
Text
Praying
This is definitely going to give off 2014 Wattpad vibes but sue me I guess.
Basically, Emily finds out you can sing during a random karaoke night with the team.
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After the case you just had, hearing Morgan say, "Drinks when we land?" was music to your ears. You needed a whiskey as soon as possible to wash down the bad taste in your mouth. This case was full of bad fathers who spent years ignoring their mistakes. It made you sick and felt too close to home. Your own dad treated you awful your entire life just to act like nothing ever happened when you were an adult.
As soon as the plane landed you were en route to the bar, Rossi and Hotch being the designated drivers. In your work clothes still, you all filled into a booth at the bar closest to the BAU. Your blazer is long discarded into your go bag, sleeves rolled up on your button-up. Emily could sense your anger from a mile away, holding your hand under the table to let you know she knew. Emily knew about your relationship with your parents and from the second the case was presented it would mess with your head.
Penelope slid into the booth beside you as she met you guys there, "Guys, it's karaoke night!" She beamed with excitement as she filled out the slip to get in line. "Hey, Pen hand me one." You smiled at the blonde as her mouth hung open, "Y/n! You've never sung in front of us before!" She handed you a slip and a pink pen from her purse. Emily looked at you confused. You jotted your name down and song choice, "I can take both of ours up there Penny."
As Penny finished absolutely rocking a Brittany song, you heard your name be called to sing. A knot formed in your stomach knowing the reaction that was to come from your performance but, singing always helped you cope so it was worth it, you hoped. Praying by Kesha started playing and the entire team immediately turned towards you. Penny smiling so big at you, phone out to record, Morgan staring at you with concern, and Emily. Your sweet Emily had moved to sit directly in front of the stage. She smiled at you sweetly as you started.
Well, you almost had me fooled Told me that I was nothing without you Oh, but after everything you've done I can thank you for how strong I have become
Tears welled in your eyes as your anger brew. Everyone in the bar was gone in your mind and, all that you saw was your dad. Screaming at you the day of your graduation, "You are never going to amount to anything."
'Cause you brought the flames and you put me through hell I had to learn how to fight for myself And we both know all the truth I could tell I'll just say this is "I wish you farewell"
JJ's mouth was wide open in awe. She knew you had theatre background but your voice was unexpected. Garcia reached over and grabbed Morgans's hand knowing the words were hitting him too.
I hope you're somewhere prayin', prayin' I hope your soul is changin', changin' I hope you find your peace Falling on your knees, prayin'
At this point hot, angry tears were rolling down your cheeks, Emily's too. Emily with childhood trauma of her own, knew that yours was totally different and could not imagine treating a kid that way.
I'm proud of who I am No more monsters, I can breathe again And you said that I was done Well, you were wrong and now the best is yet to come 'Cause I can make it on my own, oh And I don't need you, I found a strength I've never known I'll bring thunder, I'll bring rain, oh When I'm finished, they won't even know your name
Your anger was peaking as you hit the note at the end of the bridge, not caring about the accuracy of the notes. It was never to sound good, or have a healthy belt but to get some sort of release. The voice of your dad ringing in your ears, "Again Y/N, hit the note. Now." The karaoke version skips part of the song sending you into overdrive to prep for the whistle note.
Ah sometimes, I pray for you at night, oh Someday, maybe you'll see the light Whoa oh, some say, in life, you're gonna get what you give
You felt your hands shaking with anger as you grabbed the mic, pulling it off the stand and taking in a deep breath. You wanted to hit this note so loud he could hear it back home. Remembering how he never saw any of your shows, it took you over the edge.
But some things only God can forgive
You hit the note perfectly, holding it as long as your lungs would allow you. A deep burning in your chest cut you off and you finally opened your eyes, making eye contact with Spencer from across the bar. His eyes were full of tears. The show of emotion from the regularly held-together genius made you cry harder,
Yeah! (I hope you're somewhere prayin', prayin') I hope your soul is changin', changin' I hope you find your peace Falling on your knees, prayin'
The last line came out as a whisper and you put the mic back in the stand. Stepping off the stage, Emily wrapped her arms around you. She pulled your face into her chest to shield you from the crowd as you cried. People cheered, clapped, and some even awed. You let it all out on her chest, your shaky arms barely holding her back. Emily rubbed your head and whispered sweet nothings into your ear, "Let it all our sweet girl." After you finished crying, she wiped the tears off your face, blowing slightly to help your face dry. "You ready to go sit down and drink your whiskey?" You nodded and smiled at her, grateful for the woman you got.
Garcia was fast to stand up and engulf you in a hug, her phone still recording on the table, "Pen! You filmed me?" She smiled and wiped a tear away, "Well I tried but I got too emotional." Derek had a smug look on his face. You slid back into the booth now sandwiched between him and Emily. You took a swig from your glass letting the burning cold liquid soothe your now, sore throat. "What Morgan?" He chuckled and held his beer up to you, "I knew you had a secret talent Y/N, you were too boring." You scoffed at him as everyone laughed. Emily grabbed your hand and kissed the back of it, "Seriously honey, you have a wonderful voice." You smiled at her, nothing but love in your gaze.
Hotch finally spoke up, "We love you YN, you know that right?" He had a slight smile toying on his lips. You looked at him, "I do. You and Rossi have become the parts of a father I never got and I cannot thank you for it enough." He finally smiled fully and Rossi patted your back. Penelope finally broke the serious undertones of the conversation, "So Y/N I want to hear all about your past roles, right now." Side conversations started as you told Pen about every role, every show, and every mishap of rehearsals. Emily just stared at you, so glad you finally were sharing this side of you, even if it wasn't intentional.
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garden-of-joy · 8 months
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Mistake| Kyle "Gaz" Garrick x reader
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Summary: Gaz felt from the begging something about the mission was awry. But he didn't expect this...
I totally forgot about Gazfest! I hope I'm not too late @glitterypirateduck
Warnings: Angst, death
Gaz could feel it even before you left the base. Something about the mission was off. It rubbed him the wrong way when Laswell had her hands tied and forced out of the briefing room for "undisclosed reasons". The person that was in her stead seemed shifty and untrustworthy. His eyes were constantly jumping between the 141, never focusing on anyone in particular. The informat never regarded anyone by name. It was always "Captain" this, "Lieutenant" that, "Sergeant" third. Kyle never trusted that CIA informat.
What takes him out of his train of thoughts is you nudging him on the knee. "Kyle? Are you with us?" You whisper to him, making sure to not disrupt the meeting.
"Yeah love. But that skeezy guy doesn't look... Right. Something's off." He whispers back, leaning closer to you with his body.
"Relax, it's not like it's our first time without Laswell babysitting us." You reassure him, trying to be rational. Yeah sure, the replacement CIA guy doesn't look like the most trustworthy person out there, but to trust someone from the CIA fully is straight up stupid. Even with someone as close as Laswell, you still have to take everything with a grain of salt.
"I know, I just don't know if everything is right. Something is wrong." He keeps insisting, bouncing his leg nervously.
You put a hand on his thigh and press it down. "Relax, you're just being paranoid. Come on, we've gotta focus up on the brief." You move your hand up from his thigh and hold his hand, resting it between the two of you.
"You're probably right. Sorry love." Kyle shakes his head, feeling his bones pop a little and focuses on the briefing.
And even then, everything about the informat was wrong. From the way he didn't seem to look at anyone for too long, to how he never stopped changin his posture, but always had an anxious and hostile body language... What really sent him was when Price began strategizing how **his** team should go in, the CIA agent shot down his offer and gave a completely ridiculous idea. That they should all split up. And enter from four different sides, while Ghost keeps overwatch. The mission is a simple warehouse sweep, just go through it quickly, find what you need and get the hell out of dodge. It sounds painfully compromising, to send them alone like that so nobody has their six, having to comb through a warehouse with lots of potential flank routes and ambush spots.
And now here he is, two weeks later, pinned by what he assumes is dozens of russian mercenaries, taking turns to fire at his position. Some have already tried to flank him, but he picked them off, so now they just wait for him to come out, firing at him mostly to make a point. Kyle knows he can't stay here forever, or he'll eventually be caught off guard. He looks around himself, trying to find the nearest exist, his heart beating all the way up in his ears as bullets fly by, too close to his head for it to be safe. Comms are jammed, so he can't even call anyone to come help him, even though his squadmates have definitely heard the gunfire.
The exit to the north of him will take him to a more close quarters part of the warehouse. Maybe he can lose them there? Try and get any news from the team, maybe even find his comrades? At any rate, he'll have to get the hell out of dodge first, and then think about comms and whatnot.
He waits for the enemies to stop firing, just for a second, immediately springing off towards the exit, adrenaline coursing through his veins, his breathing heavy as he barrels towards the door. A bullet grazes his cheek, missing him by barely an inch, but he slams his entire bodyweight on the door, swinging it wide open. He doesn't stop sprinting, feeling the air going through his hair a mile an hour as he rounds corner after corner, in a frenzied sprint to get away. He stops after a minute, panting heavily, but catching his breath, securing his rifle.
"No doubt they'll go after me. I need to be ready. I need to-" is all he can manage to think, before he hears rushed footsteps coming in his direction. Footsteps, laboured by battle gear.
Gaz readies his rifle, setting it to full auto. His mind is going a mile an hour, Kyle can feel his hands itching to exact his flight or flight instinct, as his vision blurs around him. He doesn't quite realise what he's doing, adrenaline pumping through his veins with such intensity it can almost make them burst. He only comes to when a body hits the ground with a muted thump, all the rifles and punctured body armour clanking loudly to accompany the thump.
Gaz takes a cautious step to his fresh kill, to confirm it, but he freezes when he hears you. Or rather, the pained, blood-soaked croak you barely manage to let out. It pierces his ears like a thousand gunshots never could. Kyle lunges over to you and collapses to his knees, hoping that he misheard, but no. It is YOU. Your face, your attire, everything. Just like he remembers it. Except that now, every detail is getting bathed in blood, faster than anyone can help.
"Y/N, I... I..." He tries to find the words but he can't speak. His stomach is turning, making him squeamish. He can feel something rising up his asophagous, forming a lump in his throat as all he can do is gasp.
"I-I can fix this! I-I just need to call a medic." Gaz talks to you, clasping his palms around your wounds, desperately trying to stop the crimson fluid from seeping out of you, taking your life with it.
It's when he looks over at your face, a faint smile curled on your lips, that he feels it all. Death is staring back at him, its cold, boney hands dragging you away from where you need to be. In Gaz's arms, carrying you out of the goddamn warehouse. He stares back at your empty eyes, somehow so full of tenderness, transfixed on a place far beyond Kyle's reach.
His rationale is screaming for him to go, to at the very least save himself, but how can he? You're dead. Gone. Perished. And why? Because of him. It's his fault.
**I should have noticed your attire, your signature weapons, your fucking face!** His mind curses up a storm, drilling into him the severity of the situation. His gloves feel disgustingly warm, caked in something that isn't his, coated by something he wrongfully took. It's HIS rifle that shot HIS bullets that made it to YOUR stomach.
He takes your lifeless corpse in his trembling hands, his usual relaxed yet no-no sense attitude gone. Tears stream down his face as he presses you close, the salty drops finding their way into his mouth, painfully contorted as he tries not to cry. Gaz's ears begin to ring, but all sounds feel so distant now, as if coming from another planet. Everything feels distant and foreign to him, everything, except you. Kyle knows full well there's no going back. No amount of blood transfusions, stitches, resuscitation attempts, NOTHING, will ever help you. Because. Of. Him.
"Please Y/N forgive me, please..." He barely whimpers between stifled sobs, burying his head into the crook of your neck, your scent just like he remembers it. He wants to lose himself in you. He can't imagine a life without his one true love, especially knowing that you died by his own hands. All those dreadful, sorrowed sounds leave him, filling the room with unparalleled anguish, reverberating between the walls and drilling back into his head. It's too thick for him to move, too thick for him to hear the rapidly approaching footsteps and loud voices. It's too thick for him to see the bright red laser from a rifle, trained onto his head.
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brighttears · 9 months
Text
"Harshness and Tenderness Stand Side by Side"
Joel Miller x reader
Platonic!Ellie Miller x reader
No physical description, no use of y/n
Summary: The three of you clash when stopping to rest after a challenging day. You’re the voice of reason and comfort both of them when it catches up to them later. 
Word count: 4.8k
Warnings: Angst! Kind of hurt/comfort, arguing, you’re kind of a moderator? Everyone cries! Mentions of violence, very brief mention of suicide and god, pet name (angel) 
A/n: I found time to write! I think maybe reader talks too much in this idk. If I missed any warnings please lmk!!
“Stay in here.” Joel orders Ellie harshly before closing the door most of the way behind him, leaving her in the deserted home’s living room before turning to you, standing in the middle of the bedroom. He glowers. 
“That was some bullshit, back there.” He keeps his voice low but hides none of the venom. “Ellie fucked that up.”
“We got caught by surprise. It happens. Don’t blame her for it.”
“I’m blamin’ her for it, I’m blamin’ her for reactin’ too fuckin’ slow. She coulda got you killed.”
“I was fine. I handled it.”
“Yeah, thank god you got enough sense to raise a fuckin’ gun when there’s five fuckin’ Infected runnin’ at ya.” He snaps.
“Joel, stop. I’m not gonna take your shit for this. And I’m not gonna let you talk about her like this.”
“I’m not talkin’ shit, I’m talkin’ to you about what happened.”
“I know what happened.” You raise your voice briefly before regaining control, “We got caught with our pants down, and she didn’t do you what you thought she should have, which y—”
“What I thought she should do?” Joel screws his face up, “Warnin’ us isn’t what I think she shoulda done, it’s what you fuckin’ do. We can’t protect her if she keeps doin’ stupid shit like that.”
“Hey.” You snap, a glare pinning up your face. You understand where he’s coming from, but anger is intoxicating his point. Ellie made a simple mistake that, admittedly, did put you in danger, but it was nothing major and nothing you couldn’t handle. A revealing fact here is that before Joel grabbed his gun to shoot, he had grabbed Ellie to pull her out of the way from the Infected that were barreling down the hall towards you. You took all but one out, the last one shot down by Joel when it was only a few feet away from being on top of you. Yes, a terrifying ordeal, but not more than anything you’ve seen before. You had barely thought about Ellie’s failure to react, but apparently, it was tearing Joel up. In his mind, he probably watched you die, and he wanted something to blame, and after himself, it had landed on Ellie. “Get a fucking hold of yourself.” You continue, “None of that was her fault. You can’t blame her for it. Joel, she’s just a kid.”
He doesn’t miss a beat, shooting back fiercely, “You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t look at her an’ see anything else?” Joel huffs, a fearful breath, thinking back on the scene. You catch a sadness in his eyes before he sharpens, “Well she needs to grow the fuck up. World ain’t got room for kid shit. She needs to learn how to fuckin’ handle it. Cause it ain’t changin’ for her.”
“That’s not what I’m saying. Just give her a break.” You try, then realizing that your choice of words isn’t going to work out. 
“Give her a break? Are you listenin’ to me? There are no breaks. It’s only gonna get fucking’ worse.” He snarls, then breaths in through his nose and turns his back to you. 
Right as he whirls back around, shoving his finger out towards you, Ellie speaks from behind the cracked door, “Are we staying or are we going? Cause it’s getting dark.”
Looking in her direction, Joel’s body relaxes, but not from a sudden peace falling over him. He puts his hands on his hips and looks down, shifting a knee out. Then he looks up at you and says monotonously, “Stayin. We’ll start back out in the mornin’. Stay with her in here. I’ll take first watch on the couch, wake you up in a few hours.” 
Ellie pulls the door open but stays where she is in the entrance, an intense frown hardened on her face. “You could have at least closed the fucking door if didn’t want me to hear that.”
Realization cuts open Joel’s face but he doesn’t say a word. You can see his breathing stop, but then he switches back, “Nothin’ you shouldn’t be hearin’ anyway.” He moves towards her to leave, but her feet stay planted. 
“You think I don’t already know all of that?” Her eyes narrow, “I’m not fucking stupid.” She glares at you now, “And I never asked for any breaks. The only thing I’ve asked for is a fucking gun.” Her eyes shoot daggers back at Joel, “And you were the one that didn’t want to give me one.”
“That’s cause you don’t know how to use one. You think FEDRA can teach you how to do anythin’ right? They’re not out here, they’ve kept you sheltered in their—”
“Sheltered?” Ellie cuts in, “I was not fucking sheltered. Just because I wasn’t out here doesn’t mean I’ve lived some nice, happy life.”
Joel stabs back, “Comparatively, yeah, it does.” 
“No, it doesn’t. Some FEDRA guard wasn’t tucking me in at night. You think they took care of us there? All they did was make sure we didn’t fucking starve and try to turn us into soldiers to fight their fucking war. That’s all I was ever taught. You think just because I was locked in some diet prison I haven’t seen shit? I watched my best friend die.” She spits. “I was born into a shit world and I’m gonna die in a shit world. Just like she did.” Ellie blinks and grinds her jaw. 
Joel stands frozen for a silent moment. Then he speaks, “Good, so you know what to expect.” And almost shoves his shoulder into her as he slips out. 
Ellie stares at the wall across from her, hand still on the doorknob.
“Ellie,” you say quietly, moving towards her, but stop in your tracks when she meets your eyes with an icy glare. 
“You don’t have to baby me.”
“I wasn’t trying to—”
“You’re not my fucking mom, you know.”
It hits you like a bat to your chest, knocking hot tears up to your eyes, but you swallow them down. 
“I know that.”
“Do you though?” She says as she walks quickly to the bed, swinging the door closed behind her, and sits down, gaze locked on the floor with her arms crossed over her stomach. 
“Ellie—” 
“Can you just leave me alone for a minute?” She keeps her voice as even as she can, but her eyes glisten with tears. 
“No, I—” 
“I’ll be fine for one minute, ok? Just, give me one fucking minute by myself.”
You sigh through your nose, considering. Your instinct wants to keep you here, keep your eyes on her, but you want to grant her some space, too. She really hasn’t gotten a minute alone in you don’t even know how long, probably ever since you met her. 
“Ok.” You answer finally, and walk to the door, closing it softly behind you. 
Joel sits with his head in his hands on the couch, rifle resting on the coffee table before him. 
“Joel—”
“Don’t start.” He says without looking at you. 
Tired of being shut down and still burned by Ellie’s words, you do anyway. 
“Look. She’s right. She was born in a shit world, and she’s experienced that in her own right.”
“She hasn’t experienced shit.”
“Yes, she has!” You exclaim, but try to keep your voice down for her sake. “Just because it’s not what you have, doesn’t mean it can just be dismissed. She deserves some respect. She’s been out here with us this whole time. We’ve all gone through all of this together, not just you.”
Joel shoots up and glares at you, “I’ve been out here longer than both of you combined. We might have been together”—the word is audibly poisoned with disgust—“for a few weeks, but we are not the same. You have no idea what I’ve seen, what I’ve done.”
“Yes, I do.”
“No the fuck you don’t.” Joel’s eyes narrow, “You should be fuckin’ afraid a me.” He growls, expression grim, but in his eyes you can see his affliction. Though his broad shoulder can tense and he can lean in with those teeth, looking like he’s about to jump on you, those animalistic traits ingrained in his skin only go that far. “I’m a fuckin’ monster.” Joel says. ‘Monster’ is a word, despite the world, you’ve never heard him use. It comes out like a snarl, he’s only trying to convince you of it. Joel is playing up his guise, though you’re not sure if it comes from within him, by his own making, or something that was forced on him. It’s like a tattoo, his front. But did he hold the needle, or was he gripping the dirt while the world forced the ink into his skin? Either way, you know it’s not him. All you can see is the man underneath, gripping tight the hide of a wolf to hide the vulnerability of his bare skin underneath. 
Yes, he is capable of monstrous sins—they’re embedded in his skin and his mind, but in more tender moments, when he’s shed his skin, if those moments have been impulsive or not, he’s told you that he’s only done what he’s had to do. Joel is a survivor. It’s almost all he does. Yes, it’s like a tattoo, ones that he looks down at every day, ones he sees scrawled all over his face whenever he catches his reflections. 
But you’ve seen him, whether he’s shown you on purpose or not.
Monster—out of everything you’ve ever encountered, that’s the word he uses to describe himself? 
All of it makes you want to cry. 
“I don’t buy it.” You state. 
Joel huffs a breath, then takes a step back, retreating. Confusion lines his still harshly pinched brows. 
“You don’t buy it?”
“No, I don’t.” You approach a step, attempting gentleness, “Joel, I know the things you’ve done—”
“Do you, though? You think you know me? You think in a year you know everythin’ about me? About who I am? Fuck you, you don’t buy it.” Joel narrows his eyes again and holds up two almost pinched fingers, “You’ve seen a sliver of what I’ve done.” Then he takes a quick step forward, holding his hands out, splayed before you palms down. “Look at my hands. These are the hands of a fuckin’ murderer. Look at my fuckin’ knuckles. Scars over fuckin’ scars. I've broken this hand more than once from beatin’ people. I’m fuckin’ deaf cause a how many people I’ve shot. Maybe I wasn't born one. Maybe. But I sure as hell am one now.”
Staring at his hands, you will the tears back, then meet his eyes again and raise your voice, “You are not the only one who’s gone through shit, who's done shit. I have my own scars. If you’re a monster, I’m one, too. And you know what,” you throw your hands up, “fuck it, fine. Who the fuck isn’t then? Didn’t Tommy used to ride with you? What, he sat behind while you did everything? No, I don’t think so. He must be a monster too then, huh?”
“Don’t you go twistin’ my words—”
“I’m not twisting shit. I’m just using your fucked up logic. I’m trying to show you that you’re wrong. Now, answer me. Am I a monster?” You lean in and harden your eyes. “Am I?”
The look Joel gives you shows you that you’ve intimidated him just as much as you aimed for. “No.” He answers quietly, colored with a tinge of shame, but he keeps fury painted over his face. “You’re right, you’re not like me.” Before he can launch into another speech about how horrible he’s convinced he is, you interrupt him, absolutely fed up with it, “Shut the fuck up Joel. Stop saying that. Stop separating yourself from everyone, you don’t have to do that. Stop punishing yourself. You've done what you've had to do. Just like the rest of us. You know that, I know that. You’re a protector. And I’ve seen monster’s eyes—you don’t have them.” You take another step towards him, “You don’t scare me. You’re not a monster, you’re a man, who’s desperate, who’s hurting, who regrets it all, who hates himself for what he’s had to do. And I’m sorry, Joel, I’m so sorry.”
At your last words, his face suddenly changes. Perplexion swings over his brow, a last ditch throw of intimidation, but then it relaxes. His shoulders slouch, his frame almost hanging. When the facade breaks, he just looks fucking exhausted. Then something new from him, an expression you haven’t seen. 
Joel cracks, and starts to cry. He shields his eyes with his hand but his shoulders shake and you hear the cries escape from rickety jaws. 
“Joel,” you rush to him, instantly wrapping your arms around his shoulders. He nearly collapses into your hold, heavy in his fall from the wolf’s hide. You hook your hands under his arms and he lets you guide him to the couch. He flumps down on it, and though he still has his hand over his eyes, his other arm goes around your shoulder. You pull yourself close, moving your head under his arm to rest your cheek against his shoulder. You don’t know what to say—‘It’s alright,’ ‘It’s okay’, isn’t true. None of this is that. This is tragedy.
He whimpers in his shakes, sobs escaping in quick breathes. For a while, all you do is hold each other. Then, he finally takes his hand away from his face and embraces you, tears seeping through your shirt to wet your neck and shoulder where he buries his head. He clutches at you, constricting your chest, but you don’t move. 
“I’m so tired.” Joel says quietly in between the sobs he still attempts to restrain. You try to cry as quietly as you can. 
“I know you are.”
“It hurts.” He whimpers. Then, “I miss her.” With that erupts one solid sob before he hitches them back down into his throat. 
You want to say you know, but you can’t understand his pain, only your own. You think of Sarah, Tess, and the hundreds more you never knew, that he inevitably loved, and lost. 
“I’m so sorry.” You say again, unable to find anything else to describe how you feel. 
Joel’s weeping shakes his breaths until they eventually subside into shudders, then into deep ones. His emancipated weight hung around you almost makes you think he’s asleep, but then he shifts to sit again, shoulders slouched with his hands supporting him on the couch. He sniffles and wipes his hands over his eyes and cheeks. 
You quickly wipe away your own tears, sniffle, swallow, and then start, “Listen,” he turns his head to you with heartbreaking eyes, big and deep and dark, his brow furrowed. It’s amazing, the contrast he claims in his expressions. He can turn his face into one of a wolf, but when he relaxes and lets it slip away, he looks like one of those dogs you used to see in ASPCA ads. You feel the corner of your lip tug with a laugh but reign it in. Taking a deep breath instead, you run your hand over his cheek, pulling him to face you more, and brush your thumb over a damp spot on his cheek. 
Joel’s soul is tender and scared and strong and brimming with rich love. What holds it in is scarred and sooty and rough, but it’s not ugly. Joel is a rose, thorns hooked into your skin when you hold him. 
You speak softly. “You’re not a monster. And you’re not a tool, either. You’re a tragedy, because I know how much you love. This world isn’t built for you. And you can’t build yourself around it. It won’t work, it’s not you. It’s all just…” you look up, sighing and shaking your head, “misfortune.” When you look back at him, you meet desperate eyes and have to take another deep breath. Defenseless in his eyes, you simply speak your mind, the the words falling out of you, “Sometimes it just feels like some fucked up story. I don’t know what the moral is yet. Maybe just that… you know, you have to keep loving. It’s not like we really have a choice. I mean, that’s apparent enough. I know you would choose not to if you could, but then… what’s the point? You can’t kill yourself. God wouldn’t let you even when you tried. And I think I know why. I think it’s because you’re supposed to keep loving. I think that’s your role. I think it’s my role. Maybe it's hers, too.” You cock your head to the door Ellie’s hopefully but probably not sleeping behind.
“I’m not good at lovin’.” Joel shakes his head, still cupped by your hand. 
“No, you’re too good at loving.”
“Well you’re right, I wish I did’n’.”
“Well, you have people that love you. And they need you to. Tommy needs you to. I need you to. She needs you to. Even if she never tells you that, she does.”
“You think…” Joel whispers, “she loves me?”
“I know she does.” You whisper back, stroking your thumb over his cheek. 
He looks down and sighs through his nose. His lips start to move, but he falters. Without him needed to, you know what he wants to say: I love her, too. 
Tucking the hair from the side of his face behind his ear, you sigh, feeling indebted just to knowing him. 
“I’ll take first watch.” You tell him, looking over his face. “You should go stay with her.”
Meeting your eyes again, he says quietly, “I wanna stay with you.” His claim is flattering, but you know he’s just too scared to look at her now. Guilt, fear, haunting grief. 
“Alright, well, I’ll come with you then. It’d be better if we’re all together.”
“Ok.” His voice is soft and tired and as are his eyes, resting on your lips before coming back to your eyes. 
You get up first and he grunts to his feet. They scuff on the floor and then he pauses, blinking sleepiness. You offer your hand out, and without looking at you, he takes it weakly. You give it a quick squeeze before turning the knob and taking him into the bedroom. 
Joel kept the wolf’s hide tight around him for a long time, you never would have known how soft he really is, you could have never imagined him looking like he does in this moment now. It shocked you the first time you saw it, back in the QZ when you both had a very close call outside the walls. You knew you were in love with him already but at that moment, watching his eyes soften, you felt yourself fall farther, and that night as you laid together, his own heart laying bare next to yours, you knew you were his, and he was yours. Something like holding your hand like this, letting himself follow your lead, is some proof of it. 
When you enter the bedroom, Ellie, lying with her legs curled with her back facing you, shifts to look at you. You smile softly, and then her eyes shift to Joel behind you. You let go of his hand and stop to turn to him. Joel keeps his eyes on the ground, swallows, and then says wetly, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok.” Ellie replies quietly, and then shifts her body to lie facing you, legs still curled. 
You look back at Joel, “C’mere.” And go to sit with your back against the bed. 
Joel’s eyes flip briefly to Ellie before he gives in on the floor next to you. You fold your legs and then pat your thigh for him to lay his head on. He indulges, settling in, folding his hands between bent knees with his shoulder meeting the curve of your leg. 
“Thank you.” He murmurs. Within minutes, he’s asleep, lips parted with soft and even breaths, head heavy on your thigh. 
The hours before your shift’s up are silent and still, save for Joel’s sleeping breathes, blowing quietly through his parted lips. 
At some point, his hand had shifted to over your knee. You squeeze it gently to wake him up just before you can feel yourself start to nod off. Joel’s eyes shoot open when you do, and he awkwardly raises himself to a half sitting, half lying position, rapidly blinking himself back to consciousness. 
“Your turn.” You whisper, combing your fingers through his hair, sticking up from how it pressed on your leg. 
He clears his throat, “Alright.” Then laboriously raises himself to his feet with a pained groan. Standing, he combs his own hand through his hair, still blinking himself awake. “Shit, I left my gun out there.”
“Don’t worry, all quiet.”
“Well you shoulda gone an’ got it.”
“I still have mine right here,” you pat your hip, “besides, I didn’t wanna wake you up. If there was any noise at all, I would have.”
He hikes up his jeans, “Well… just wake me up next time.”
“But you look so pretty when you’re sleeping. I wouldn’t have woken you up at all but I’m starting to feel my eyes close.”
He almost succeeds at hiding a smile. “You need your sleep, too, angel.” He sniffs and looks back towards the door. “Alright… I gotta take a piss. Grab my gun, an’ I’ll be right back.” He turns his head back to trail his eyes over Ellie. After a moment, Joel sniffs again and then starts for the door. 
Once he’s out of sight, you sigh, rubbing your hands over your face, and turn to look at the young girl curled up on the bed. You notice, though, that she’s only pretending to sleep. 
When she slowly blinks her eyes open, you catch her and ask, “How long have you been awake?” 
Eyes still mostly squinted, she answers softly, “Not long.”
“Did he wake you up?” You whisper. 
“Yeah, don’t tell him though.”
“I won’t.” You smile at her again. 
You just look at each other for a while, you simply appreciating this moment with little Ellie safe and sound. 
“Do you wanna… sleep in the bed? Instead of the floor?” She sleepily asks eventually. 
Your first thought is no, that’s all for you, but there are words between the lines that you catch onto. 
“Sure.” You shift to your feet, and Ellie turns her back to you. 
She’s really not all that hard to read. This is a request and an apology, and you oblige and don’t need to forgive as you crawl onto the bed next to her. 
“Don’t you wanna get under the blankets?” You whisper. She looks back up at you, pauses, and then nods. Ellie’s shyness comes out in moments like these, when she’s too sleepy for sarcasm or lies. 
She half sits, shifting up for you to slip the covers from under her and lift them up and then slide in next to her, pulling them over the two of you. 
Then you’re simply laying together, eyes wandering over each other’s features. 
“I’m sorry. For earlier.” Ellie breaks the silence. 
“Already forgiven.”
“I didn’t mean it.”
Whatever this specifically relates to is unimportant, so you stay silent, but you move your hand over hers resting on the bed between you. 
“It’s alright, Ellie.”
When her eyes start to glisten, you’re caught off guard, and your heart crashes to the ground. She pulls her hand out from under yours to rub at her eyes. She keeps rubbing as she sniffles, and a whimper slips out as she says again, “I’m sorry.”
Automatically, your hand goes to stoke over her hair. The words slip out, “No, baby, it’s ok,” and you’re instantly worried that you’ve crossed a line, but she doesn’t flinch, just keeps her hands over her eyes. So, as she shakes a sob that escapes through clenched teeth, you continue petting her hair. “I’m not mad at you. It’s ok.”
Her breathing is shaky and cut by hiccups but she tries her best to recover quickly. When she takes her hand away from her face, she still tries to hide her eyes by flicking her eyes down and back to yours before finally allowing herself to meet your gaze. You smooth your hand over her hair a few more times before laying your hand down on the bed. Then, she surprises you again by taking it in hers, not breaking your gaze. 
“Don’t worry about it, Ellie.” You whisper. “You were dealt a shitty hand. I don’t expect you to be calm and collected about it all the time.” She sniffles and blinks. “And I’m sorry if you felt like I was trying to say you can’t handle yourself. I know you can. I just wish you didn’t have to… be treated like an adult. It’s unfair. You deserve to be able to act like a kid. You can, you know, you have, and it’s not a bad thing. You’re fourteen. Fourteen sucks without having to deal with a fucking apocalypse.” This gets a small giggle out of her, and she sniffles again. 
“What was fourteen like before?” She asks. 
You sigh, looking at the wall while you think of a general answer. “Hormones, confusion, middle school, where you have to deal with other kids hormones and confusion… arguing with your parents, kind of realizing they’re also just… people. It’s stressful.” You look back at her, “Not like this, though. This is a different kind of stress. This isn’t something any kid should ever experience. I mean, adults too, no one should have to deal with any of this. But kids especially. You… you’re strong. You’re tough. You’re very… durable.” You both giggle lightly. “But you shouldn’t have to be as tough as you are. I think you’re kickass.” Again, you both smile a half giggle. “I have a lot of respect for you, Ellie. I want you to know that. I’m very proud of you.” 
Ellie’s brow pulls in but then releases, and she breathes in deeply. She bites her lip. 
Just then, you hear the door open and Joel step into the room. She closes her eyes but keeps hold of your hand. Joel’s steps pause and he sighs. Then you feel the bed shift under his weight as he sits down behind you. 
“She asleep?” He whispers. 
“Yeah.” You lie, keeping her eye on her, knowing that it will give him the chance to do whatever he wouldn’t do if he knew she would know. 
Proving you right, you watch as his hand comes over to stroke Ellie’s hair. Then, the bed shifts again and Joel replaces his hand with a soft kiss over her hair. When he moves back up, you feel his hand over your shoulder, and then his lips on your temple. 
Joel doesn’t talk much, he’s always been someone that speaks through his actions. The words that betray his lips come through through his arm thrown over your chest in the presence of danger, his keen finger on a trigger, and through gentle touch like this. 
You lay in bed with two unfortunate souls, both too soft for their own good in a world that demands too little of it. But through the sorrow comes some kind of unfathomable gratitude for their presence, their unbelievable strength, but also the disloyalty of the human spirit to the deadening of the heart. The world today is dissonance, a cataclysm of the heart. 
Grief sings its tune in a cacophony of Joel and Ellie but you listen with open ears and an open heart. The refrain is the question of how anything could make any of this worth it, and the bridge is moments like these. Spoken, unspoken, thought, felt, Joel, Ellie, and you, a song of love and loss, a melodic fight between the head and heart and soul recorded in time. You provide the chorus that they dare not sing, but the needle over the track falls under Joel’s fingers in Ellie’s hair, his lips on your skin, and the melody lulls you to sleep.
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