#marshmallowskieswriting

[marshmallowskies]

brain fog

It wraps around me, engulfing me in its sticky web. It poisons every corner of my mind, dimming my vision and blurring my gaze. Time feels like a thick jelly, congealed with its own mystery. It moves agonizingly slow. The clock trudges through its own pool of quicksand. Sometimes it moves too fast, leaving me behind in its trail. My mind is weighed with lead and I’m frozen as the hours pass, leaving me in the past.

I have no thoughts, nothing strong enough to break this barrier. All I hear is the white noise of my own existence. I have no emotions, the poison drowsing me. I’m unable to be myself. Because I don’t even know who myself is. 

Nothing seems real. I’m stuck in my own illusion, surrounded by my own simulation. Voices buzz around me but the words don’t catch. My hands move without my will and my body acts as if it’s not my own. While my mind is stuck in my own personal hell. The poison runs through my veins, comatosing my spirit and capturing my consciousness into its thick gel. I can’t get myself to move, can’t get myself to find a purpose.

Nothing can cure it and nothing can keep it at bay. The day just seems cursed. It has me in its clutches before I realise what’s happening. I sit in silence for hours, oblivious to the world around me. Music floods my ears but it feels like a distant memory, like it’s not meant for me to hear. 

I spend these hours in solitude, crawling into myself and desperately trying to pry ‘me’ back. I’m an empty shell, a host for the evil. My eyes are drained. My voice is dull, hypnotized by the siren. 

And when it’s all over, it feels like it never began. Sunshine floods through me and the clouds part. The dream is over, my mind shaken from its coma. But I have no memory. There’s a blank space in my calendar. I don’t know what I’ve done or who I am and I’ve wasted precious hours of my youth held hostage by this jelly weighing me down. And it’s stupid and it sucks.

I live in fear, my defenses prepared for when it attacks. But I never know. And it must be laughing at me and my futile attempts to banish it forever. 

A square or two of chocolate does wonders, though.

#writing #writingprompts #mentalhealth #anxiety #brainfog #mentalhealthawareness #marshmallow #marshmallowskies #marshmallowskieswriting #mentalillness #recovery #itgetsbetter #itwillbeokay

[marshmallowskies]

prompt: this city

That’s the thing about this city. 

It chews you up in a cloud of fruity cocktails and fairy lights, strung against the golden skyline. It pulls you in with its corner bookstores and cafes that serve your cupcake with love and dash your coffee with that cinnamon dust you like. It draws you in with promises. The dream job, the modern fantasy, the world at your fingertips.

But then it spits you back out.

Wrapped up in the dream of it all, reality shatters your rose-colored glasses. Cocktails mixed with champagne and cherry make your head spin and the fairy lights on the main street are lopsided. Suddenly the streets are sweaty and claustrophobic. The night is too loud and you crave to smell the sweetness of flowers. Buildings block your view. The local café is filled with newbies desperate to instagram the hanging plants and marble tables. And the cupcakes are too sweet and oh my god, you don’t even like coffee!

You fall out of love with the city just as suddenly as you fell into it. It isn’t a messy break-up; no arguments, no cheating and you haven’t fallen for another. It just doesn’t glimmer like it used to. The honeymoon period is over. The giggly romance and stolen kisses too overplayed. It’s too loud, too busy and it just doesn’t excite you like it used to.

But like all stretched-out relationships, there are good times. Even those way past their expiration dates can still find the magic. The city lights against the cruel darkness brings wonder to your eyes. A warm and buttery sugar pretzel melts in your mouth. Walking into the first record store that you visited is enough to rekindle the spark.

No matter how much doubt you have, there is one thing you know to be true. You could never leave. The sights and smells are in your bones, in your mind and in the blood that is circulated with every pump of your heart. There will always be that restaurant that gives you the right amount of parmesan and the cute barista with the twinkle in his eye. The busyness of the street envelopes you in comfort. Fairy lights can always be strung again.

And that’s the thing about this city. It never loses its spark.

#writing #writingprompt #writingprompts #marshmallow #marshmallowskies #marshmallowskieswriting #city #night #life #fairylights #mellow

[marshmallowskies]

an ode to you

same old view

same old you 

same old things that are entirely new

but i just don’t know you

things that i’ve forgotten

things that i’ve never seen

things that spark a memory

things i’m supposed to remember

but i never do��

another thing i just noticed

another thing i forgot

something i thought was right

but it was not

i breathe it in and feel so sure

that it’s a part of me i’ll always know

but the second i close my eyes it’s gone

a memory and nothing more

and sometimes i wish it wasn’t true

that there wasn’t an ocean between me and you

but other times i’m glad its right

so i don’t have the mess of you to fight.

#writing #writingprompt #writingprompts #marshmallow #marshmallowskies #marshmallowskieswriting #love #memory #mentalhealth #notthesame

[marshmallowskies]

what brings me joy

sunshine and chocolate milkshakes, 

hot tea and a good book.

the pouring rain and soft blankets, 

a deep sleep filled with good dreams.

soft fur and fuzzy ears,

purring that echoes for miles.

wagging of tails and excited yelps,

small sneezes and soft squeaks.

explosion of chocolate on my tongue,

stringiness of cheese on pizza.

sponginess of cake and sweet icing,

richness of pasta. 

turning of pages and scent of spines,

stretching of limbs and tree pose.

a good idea and the right words,

adrenaline and ball through a net.

falling of rain and a kaleidoscope of leaves,

a short and satisfying breeze.

hot chocolate piled with marshmallows,

toasty blankets piled high,

warm sweaters and foggy glasses.

salty water and warm sand,

cheering and cruising on a wave.

landscape photographs and poses,

juicy fruit and sunglasses.

birthday candles and warm hugs, 

italian restaurants and icecream.

watermelon and smoothies, 

christmas trees and fairy lights.

horror movies and goosebumps,

movies that light me up inside.

contemporary novels and blushes,

catching fire and finnick odair.

first step off the plane with eyes searching,

first glimpse and first hugs.

hot sun and dirt roads,

hot apple pie and flapjacks.

sunset and twilight skies,

soft music and yearning.

dusk adventures and dream holidays,

daydreaming at nightfall.

inside jokes and sleepovers,

saved seat and same team.

text messages and eventful games,

friendship and heartfelt belonging.

warm cuddles and fluffy coziness,

good music and scream singing.

night roads and pop songs,

soft morning light and weekend wake-ups.

z nation and twinkling lights,

comforting old episodes.

face masks and glittery bath bombs,

shower gel that smells like heaven.

warm heat pack and cat snuggles,

relief after facing the uncomfortable.

imagination and hopefulness,

growth and recovery.

loud laughter and bright smiles,

the fortune that life brings me.

#writing #writingprompt #writingprompts #happiness #gratitude #bodypositivity #life #thethingsilove #marshmallow #marshmallowskies #marshmallowskieswriting #recovery #anxiety #therapy #everythingwillbeokay #thehungergames #food

[marshmallowskies]

Day 1 - About Feelings

I decided to do a 30 day poetry challenge with some prompts and they will probably suck but oh well!

a tsunami of sorrow

a hurricane of rage

an earthquake of panic

a heatwave of content

this is how much i love you.

anger burns a red inferno within my chest

misery flows in salty blue down my cheeks

a golden beam of joy glows on my face

fear crumbles a black hole within my soul

this is where i hear you.

mixing and matching

strong and weak

the fairly obvious and the hide and seeker

the distinct and the unexplainable

ones that swirl into a clump within my brain

this is how much i feel you.

#feelings #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #love #poetry #poetrychallenge #poetryprompt #marshmallowskieswriting

[marshmallowskies]

What if I never can again?

What if this is my last chance, the only time I get?

To ever feel their embraces, to hear their voices and see the smiles accompanying their words. What if it’s the last time I feel their kiss?

What if the next time I see their faces are in a casket?

You don’t want me and you never did. Lies blacken your tongue and the praise tumbles out, sickly-sweet. You sugarcoat and dip me in honey but I see the decay underneath. It rots you from the inside out. Yet you still paint your shell, hoping it won’t show through.

I can hear it in your voice. I see it in the coldness of your eyes. I feel it in the strokes of my leg that pulls a shiver up my spine, a swirling in my stomach. Fire burns through me when you speak. I have to restrain myself from releasing its flame. I can’t wait for when I can watch them lick your flesh, see your edges burn.

But the river of my love flows and the leashes on my heart tug me in another way. I couldn’t stand to hear the bullets from your mouth, though they’d fire from another’s gun anyway.

Yet I still want you because I want to be loved and wanted. I yearn to feel like I matter to you and that I’m good in your eyes. So I’ll go along with it, I’ll pretend. Put on a mask and a show, just like you do.

I wish I were oblivious again. So I could accept your touch and let your speech run over me without analysing a second meaning. I wish I could hear words as they’re meant to be. 

But you’ve spoilt it for me.

#writing #marshmallowskieswriting #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #toxicrelationships #sadness #lol

[marshmallowskies]

It lay tossed in the middle of the sidewalk.

Soaked and covered in dirt.

Its body sagged with the weight of the elements. Its smile drooped, as if it knew what happened to it. What happened to her. A faded red peg faithfully clung to one of its ears. It had cracked in the middle but still held on. 

Its head tilted to one side, the age worn onto it. A line of stiches on its dirt-streaked stomach told its story. But its presence told another one, and it was the final piece to the puzzle. The one to a wasgij, because everything had seemed clear but was proving to add up to a different picture.

He almost didn’t want to pick it up.

He paused, crouched on the ground in a stance that would enlighten any yoga instructor. His hand froze before it could land on it. His face contorted with an expression that he often didn’t show. His brows and eyes fell with loss and his mouth drooped in the same fashion as the rabbit’s. He seemed to be trapped in a bubble of grief, time stopping for this moment.

It was only when a bird flew ahead, blocking the light with its wing and casting a shadow on the pavement, that he was brought back. It seemed to startle him, the way that the cars were honking and people were walking past. He heard their conspiratorial whispers as though they were shouts. 

It was then that he regained control over himself. He continued his reach, though it was hesitant. He gazed at the object in his hand, gingerly turning it over. He flinched when water poured through the cracks of his fingers. The bunny seemed deflated, only more so with relief.

He turned it over again, tracing the flannel fabric gently. His hands seemed too big, too rough and too dirty for the job. It felt melancholy under his fingertips. He felt the velvet interior of an ear, which flopped against his knuckles. He could feel the history. It spoke to him, sharing memories and feelings that he could only imagine. But it would not confess. It didn’t want to think about it; didn’t want to feel it all over again.

And he understood.

He stood up, only then realising the fiery ache in his calves. He held it in front of him and this seemed to make it real. And then, as if they hadn’t watched him delicately fondle it with that look on his face, he held it up so they could get a better look.

‘Here it is folks,’ he said, his voice more gruff that usual.

He played it like the last few moments hadn’t happened. He wasn’t a guy like that. He wasn’t about to get attached to a toy. And he wasn’t gonna let them know that, either.

‘Here’s the evidence to lock her up for good.’

#marshmallowskieswriting #writing #writingprompt #writingpromptphoto #crime #thriller #crimeshortstory

[marshmallowskies]

farm mornings

world is frozen in time

as the birds fly by with flapping wings

and the loving breeze tickles the grass

as the cows stroll against the cloudy horizon

and the mountains flow for miles; tall and proud

my pages turn with a gentle shuffle

words of farmhouses and worlds beyond

my focus is half-hearted, ears on the sounds

the tweeting of birds that fill the air

and the distant echo of cars

in another reality than here

my tea steams beside me

a concoction of soy and sugar

its milky warmth soothing me all over

and the sun shines softly

a premature glow of hope

the morning passes slowly

time trickling with a fatigued hand

the afternoon not yet broken

and the crisp morning air surrounds me

with a nostalgic and homely embrace

the world is frozen in time

as the morning dew evaporates with afternoon sun

and the clouds part

but the pages keep turning

with their woodly scent filling the air

as the world keeps flying by.

#writing #writingprompt #writingprompts #marshmallow #marshmallowskies #marshmallowskieswriting #farm #dream #mornings #slowmornings #positivity

[marshmallowskies]

shades of tiffany

i wrote this in a hot tub staring at the greatest view in the world

whenever i feel, that my fears or insecurities are too great

i always come back to the mountains.

tall and gracious and filled with wisdom

gained from their many years watching the horizon

thousands of years they have formed and observed

standing humbly while we build around them.

they bring deep joy and gratitude

as the blue crystal river flows softly 

from their place at 500 feet.

they inspire me and humble me

i feel blessed to be in their path, to witness their beauty

they bring me confidence and warmth,

i feel that i can do anything.

as these mountains have poised for decades

through the rain and the sleet and the shine

yet here they stand, taller than ever

time barely shadowing their features

i hope that when i die i can return to them

to accompany them and absorb their grace

to be wholly embraced by their beauty.

but i hope that when i live i can become them

to learn from them in lessons of solitude

immerse myself in the pure white sand

and let the soothing shades of tiffany wash over me

cleansing me into purity.

whenever i feel inadequate

i always think back to the mountains

tall and proud against the world

and i know that i can do it.

#writing #writingprompt #writingprompts #writingpiece #marshmallow #marshmallowskies #marshmallowskieswriting #queenstown #mountain #view #inspirational #poem #lifepoem #advice #selfcare #resilience #yes i have been here and it is gorgeous #yes i wrote this in a hottub

[marshmallowskies]

The fresh air is sharp and smells like the canvas of a tent. Dewdrops glisten on the grass. It creates a softness that I envelope myself into gratefully. A cold breeze bites at my bare shoulders as I take in the rolling hills and bright meadows. It chills my face and brightens my soul. The harsh cold stings my eyes in a nostalgic way, clearing my vision in all ways but physically. Lush pastures and bearing fig trees sway delicately on the horizon.

My woolly cardigan is pulled tighter across my frozen body. It embraces me in its motherly warmth. Warm liquid seeps through my bones; a mixture of sugar and honey. It coats me in a cosy glow as I turn the pages softly.

Gentle rain patters against the conservatory window. It sends delightful shivers down my spine. Sipping my beverage, I allow the comfort to swallow me whole. Leaves of many greens surround me in a way that reminds me that life is significant. Stalks entwine with the atmosphere and twist to metaphorical heights unreachable. A scent surrounds me in a curious haze. It’s the smell of something nostalgic that I can’t place but can never forget.

Wood crackles and sparks fly as the flames rise. They lick the bricks in the fireplace, wandering dangerously by the hearth. As I watch the embers and the white ash fall, the room fills with a gentle glow. It’s an angry orange but the calmness of the room softens its glare. The logs are stacked in a traditional yet unintentionally aesthetic manner, much like the rest of the place. I soak it in with silent appreciation.

Twilight comes fast. The sky casts its purple glow through the glass and moonlight pours onto the carpet. The birds call out somberly, a contrast to their morning chirps. 

And as I close my eyes to the rich dark sky, with the stars gleaming brightly, I make a wish. A wish on the sparkly dots that resemble the ones I’ve lost, the ones I’ve come so far to please.

I wish to never leave.

#writing #marshmallow #marshmallowskies #marshmallowskieswriting #farm #calm #slowmornings #cosy #cozy

[marshmallowskies]

Pressure builds on my chest and I can’t escape. The weight grows heavier, plunging down and burying itself into my heart. The back of my neck tingles with anticipation. My body bristles in preparation. My stomach lurches. My palms sweat, waiting. 

But I don’t know what for.

Impending doom sets on me and the horror soundtrack plays. It squeals and screeches in my ear. But there’s no enemy in sight. All I see is the darkness of my room; feel the softness of my blanket. My chest fizzles with fearful fireworks. And my stomach continues to churn expectantly. 

Thoughts bounce around my head and the knot in my stomach tightens as I spiral. Further and further like Alice down the rabbit hole. But I can’t stop. And I don’t know why. My legs shake like jelly and I can’t breathe no matter how hard I try. I need to get out, I need to get away from here, I need to get out of my own skin.

Waves of panic rush through me. They drag me under the currents. I flail and try to swim my legs aren’t working. It feels like I’m wading through quicksand, pulled down and down by tiny atoms. Nothing is safe and nothing can help me as I spiral deeper into the darkness.

Nothing can touch me and my skin burns to the touch. The friction of the air against me is painful. Time slows yet speeds and my mind races but my body bounces and I have to get out. My stomach churns and it feels dangerous. It feels cold. It feels like the end of the world.

The panic has become a tsunami roughly sweeping against the shore and destroying everything in its path on the way through. The logic, the compassion and the life. The doom sits on me. My chest overflows and I have to get up and move. 

Then it retracts. Like the ocean floor has pulled a plug. It leaves me cold and empty without the blanket of its destruction. The sirens silence and my body drops with exhaustion. I feel released. Yet I’m still a prisoner, held captive by my own thoughts.

Nothing is safe. 

And maybe it won’t be again.

#anxiety #marshmallowskieswriting #anxietysucks #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #recovery #panic #panicattack #therapy #writing #prompt

[marshmallowskies]

I wore a bikini to the beach today. For the first time since I was nine. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is to me.

The countless hours of pinching and checking in the mirror were forgotten as I saw the naturality of my own body. When I was surrounded by laughter. As the sun warmed my skin, all that I could feel was the negative thoughts blowing away with the wind. Days of obsessing and minutes that were lost felt like a distant memory. 

I was at home with myself.

Grains of sand stuck to me like glue and the salty water embraced me like an old friend. I grinned when it froze me with its touch. Laughter rang in my ears from the others. And the bouncing of my body as it jiggled happily made all of this worth it. 

And then I saw a photo.

My smile faded and the thoughts came crashing back. Analysing every part of me and calculating the portions filled my mind. How could I ever be happy looking like that? How could I smile when all I had was fat?

Then I see the swimwear flung on the floor and pride flushes warmly in my chest. Because I did that. And it felt good. And in that moment, calories and fat were forgotten. I felt free and a kind of happiness that I have never felt before.

Because it isn’t about me. It’s not about the way I jiggle and how my thighs touch and how that girl was skinnier than me. It’s about the way I smiled, the way I danced and the way I laughed with my friends.

So I will wear it again and I’ll wear it with a smile. Because all bodies are good bodies, including mine.

#marshmallowskieswriting #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #recovery #edrecovery #bodydysmorphia #happiness #love #allbodiesaregoodbodies

[marshmallowskies]

The clock tells me to sleep, but my mind and body are wide awake. Eyes hungrily absorbing the words while my fingers flip the pages. Scenes play out in my head. They act out a chapter of my imagination, a segment of my dreams.

The room grows dark and my muscles heavy. My eyes close. But the pull of sleep is weak and my mind wanders. The sense appears. The sense to become one with the night. To feel the wetness of the grass and gaze upon the starry twilight. It goes off like an alarm and I can’t silence it.

Tiptoeing out of bed, I pull the blind and look out into the night. Stars pepper the sky. It’s a blanket of deep blue like the ocean. I crack open the window and stick my head out, feeling the night air wrap around me like a nostalgic hug. It smells like school camp. It smells like early morning runs. It smells like laughter and sleepovers at the beach.

I creep out into the night, feeling the dewy grass beneath my feet. Crickets chirp and trees dance in the breeze to their song. It sends loving chills throughout my body. And I feel the love seep through me. 

I could sit here forever. And I would. The sun is heavenly and days are bliss, but the night is my favourite. Dusk settles and the world sleeps. But my soul aches for more, to go, to be. And one day I want to silence the yearn.

But for now, I’ll settle for my voyages in the dark.

#writing #writingprompt #writingprompts #marshmallowskies #marshmallowskieswriting #night #adventure #wanderlust #wander #travel