#marethari was a horrible keeper and mother figure

[ladyblueryu]

So since December 26th, I have been playing this little series called “Dragon Age.” And I just want to say...

Holy

Shit.

Warning, spoilers if you haven’t played and may want to someday (even though the games are three years old by now)

Understand that we are poor folk who only were able to afford a PS3 thanks to a pawn shop selling the console bundle with two games at $50. Unfortunately I didn’t know that Awakening was just an expansion pack (got it with the bundle) and we picked out DAII at a retro game store that’s local called Ralph’s Records. I’m not one for playing out of order, but here we are. I decided to start it up. Here’s how it went:

Female Rogue. Sarcastic Asshole. On the mages’ side. SCREAMED AS I KILLED DRAGONS BECAUSE NOOOOOO. Wanted to keep on the Qunari good side, but it was obvious the lash was inevitable. Wooed Fenris to a Home Run. KilLED THE DALISH BECAUSE I GAVE THAT DAMN ARTIFACT TO MERRIL. SLAUGHTERED ALL THE DALEISH AS I SCREAMED “I DIDN’T WANT THIS!! I DIDN’T WANT THIS AT ALL!!” Say no to Varric about finding whatever was possessing his brother BECAUSE GOD DAMMIT I WASN’T GONNA LET WHAT HAPPENED WITH MERRIL HAPPEN TO VARRIC.. Gathered some stuff for Anders because why not though it sounded horribly suspicious. UNKNOWINGLY HELPED ANDERS IMPLODE THE GOD DAMN FUCKING CHANTRY. KILLED ALL THE MAGES IN KIRKWALL WHEN I WAS AGAINST THE ANNULMENT. LOST FENRIS’S LOVE BECAUSE HE WAS AGAINST THE MAGES. KILLED THE DAMN KNIGHT COMMANDER.

Let me be clear... I wanted to be friends with everyone and holy HELL did it go wrong.

So I started Origins. I’ve been playing it for days on end for more than 12 hours a day. I have had dream after dream of this damn game is how much I’ve been playing it. I had made Alistar king in DAII so I decided that I’d follow through with that in Origins. Here’s how it went:

Female Daleish rogue. FinD OUT MERRIL AND MARETHARI ARE MY PEOPLE. MOURN THE LOSS OF MY PEOPLE AS I SCREECH THAT THEY ARE MY KEEPERS, MOTHER FUCKER I KILLED MY OWN BRETHREN. Take Morrigan with me. Still siding with mages because fuck the Templars. Tell Dagna that I will get her in the Chantry because why the fuck not. Tell Zerlinda that I’ll talk to her father. That fails. Holy fuck she’s gon starve on her own. Well... fuck. Find Ruck and tell his mom about it. Decide to go to Redcliffe. Find Jowlan and Isolde, decide to go to the circle tower to gather a couple people rather than killing her outright. Go to Circle tower. Side with mages and help them out. KilL ALL OF THEM AT THE END BECAUSE I COULDN’T FUCKING FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE THE DAMN LITANY. SCREAM WHEN I EARN THE TROPHY “ANNULMENT INVOKER”. Go back to Redcliffe with Wynne. Find out I HAVE TO KILL ISOLDE ANYWAYS, BUT MY MAGE MAY HAVE TO SUFFER IT, TOO. But she didn’t so I was happy about that. GET YELLED AT BY ALISTAR AT CAMP BECAUSE WE KILLED ISOLDE AND NEARLY LEGIT FUCKING CRY BECAUSE HE’S MY FAVORITE. THIS ALSO MEANT THAT IT WOULD BE HARDER FOR DAGNA TO GET IN GOD DAMMIT I’M HORRIBLE AT HELPING PEOPLE. Have fun wooing Zevran (I have a thing for the elves apparently). KILL FUCKING ZEVRAN IN DENERIM. SCREECH ABOUT MY BELOVED BECAUSE HE FUCKING TURNED ON ME THAT LYING BASTARD. Didn’t kill the High Dragon but hey. BETRAYED BY THAT LYING BITCH ANORA. FUCK THAT BITCH ANORA AND MADE ALISTAR KING. GET YELLED AT AGAIN BY ALISTAR BECAUSE HE DON’T WANNA BE KING. Killed Loghain because fuck that bastard. Let Morrigan have her demon baby with Alistar because I ain’t losing him even though I kinda... wanted to... be his... ahem. Ended the Archdemon after six tries.

And now... I’m starting Awakening.

Imported my character. SCREECH WHEN I FIND ANDERS AND WANT TO REFUSE HIM IN MY PARTY THAT CHANTRY IMPLODING BASTARD.

My gaming life so far.