#man I love my bf hands down a good dude took time away from his errands and moving stuff to help calm me down bc of Mental Health and god I

[byuntrash101]

big bad wolf

f!reader x bangchan ft. stray kids smut | mdni 2.6k maybe you bit off more than you could chew when you hyped up your game to the owner of the campus’ infamous big dick owner nsfw tags under the cut

#5: huge dick + size kink (twt p☆rnlink) college!au, toxic ex bf!minho, frat boy!bangchan, alcohol consumption, one night stand, explicit consent asked and given, chan is really a tease, gentle dom!chan, daddy kink (i mean we're talking about chan here) , size kink (reader is smaller than chan), huge monster cock!bangchan, size training, protected sex (good job), oral (f), multiple orgasms, some humor at the end ♡

a/n : i was like this 🥴🥴🥴 writing this because ughhh im in love with this bangchan! wanna see the other entries for the event? check out the link <3

3k celebration | skz masterlist | navigation

“I mean being single is great and all” you said while downing the rest of the ungodly cocktail your best friend mixed for you earlier at the party. Before she left with Jisung. “But like I miss the toxic sex, ya know?” Christopher nodded his head while he took the empty cup from your hand to set it at the table beside the both of you on the couch.

The party was over so to speak. Everyone had left or was just passed out on random surfaces all over the frat. ΝΣΒ (nu sigma beta) was the frat that organized the best parties on campus. Well the second best parties but ΩΔΦ (omega delta phi) had Minho going to their parties and well you were finally over him that wasn't to run into him at a random party to drink and hook up with him again. You were determined to break free of the destructive cycle. That’s how you came to attend the parties here and met Christopher and his frat bros Changbin and Jisung. These three were quite the trio. Well not right now because Jisung was probably fucking your best friend somewhere and Changbin was passed out over the keg. Only Christopher remained somewhat (if not entirely) sober. He didn’t like alcohol that much, he claimed.

“Yeah I get you dude. Toxic sex is the best…” Christopher sighed. “But why though?”

“I don’t know man!” you said with a pout. “Also my ex was like… packing” the alcohol in your system was making it harder to perceive the fine line between sharing past experiences and simply oversharing. But Christopher wasn’t phased by it at all. On the contrary he was… intrigued.

“Really?” He questioned.

“Bro, he was real big. Like real big.” you said, closing your eyes trying to recall the extraordinary appendix Minho was blessed with. “The biggest I’ve ever seen really. I just miss that…” you said, finally opening your eyes again, purposefully avoiding thinking about your ex’s devil dick for too long before you drunkenly run to the other side of campus and to him again. When you open your eyes you see Christopher looking at you with an indecipherable expression.

“Well yeah. I miss someone that’s used to dealing with guys that are on the bigger end of the spectrum” Christopher was speaking very carefully, he was very clearly trying to hint at something but at the same time he didn’t want to come off as pressing or bragging.

You raised an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?” you asked as neutral as you could be, but still picking up on Christopher’s hint.

“Well you know. Girls always say it’s what they want. But like when I pull it out they either just run away or I mean they pull through but I can tell they’re not enjoying it. So I usually cut things short.” 

It’s true you heard one or two rumors about Christopher also being on the bigger end but you never paid attention to them. Now, they were suddenly running back to you.

“I just wanna be with a girl that's kinky and that you know… just enjoys herself with me”

Suddenly you were looking at him differently. You looked at his big biceps resting crossed over his chest and the sleeveless loose fitted white top. He was wearing a cap that covered his soft brown curls but they were still peaking at the back of his head and around his reddened ears. 

All of a sudden you were painfully conscious of Chris’ sheer size. Even though he was simply sitting next to you his large sturdy shoulders occupied the space on the couch. You found your eyes wandering to his lower half where his muscular thighs generously filled the black basketball shorts. And eventually your gaze wandered to his groin where you did notice a particularly remarkable bulge.

“You know, bro?” Chris took off the cap briefly, combing his hair with one large hand before flipping it backwards and patting it back on. He looked a little bit frustrated.

“Yeah I get it.”

Silence settled.

“Looks like we could like… help each other… maybe” you started carefully. That was uncharted territories, you didn’t know how Chris was going to react but you were a little intoxicated and that made you forget about the consequences or more like postpone thinking about them. You’ll do that tomorrow.

A cocky smirk spread on Chris’ face. An expression you had yet to witness. Usually he was all about wholesome smiles and cute laughs. But this one, this expression stirred excitement and thrill within you.

“Wanna see the big bad wolf?” Chan said right before sending you a cheeky wink that left you speechless. Before he started laughing out loud and lightly pushed you on the arm. “Just messing with you” Chris said, returning to the sunny smile.

“Why are you all cocky for anyway?” you outbid. “I’m sure it’s nothing I haven’t seen” you said, shrugging, eyes a little defiant. And Chris’ smirked returned to his handsome face just as quick. He felt a tingle in his lower half. He enjoyed that attitude you had right now. Wouldn’t it be fun to make you swallow those words? Amongst other things…

“Think you can handle it, babygirl?” Chan said, extending his massive arm behind your head on the couch and leaning on to you, making you feel even smaller. You took a whiff of his cologne, the alluring aromas or vanilla, cedar and citrus casting a spell on you.

“Yeah of course I can” you said, steady voice oozing all the confidence in the world. Making Chris chuckle again. 

***

Well maybe you couldn’t…

That is what you thought when Christopher dragged you to his room as the early rays of the dawning sun were licking the blinds. 

“Having second thoughts, babygirl?” Christopher said, smiling down at you while you looked up at him and sat on his bed. The loose fitting top was all he had left on him. Even the cap was now littering the ground, letting the soft brown curls loose. and you silently thanked the heavens for this. Maybe if he would have been completely nude you would have died right there.

He was absolutely breathtaking: large shoulders, thick arms and veiny forearms going down to his big hand holding the absolute monster that usually peacefully rested between his sturdy thighs. But right now it was awakened, and awaiting.

The thing was not only incredibly massive but also unbelievably long. Thick veins ornamented the length of it from the base to the red and dripping tip.

“So am I bigger than your ex?” he asked, cocking his head to the side. 

“Um, yeah a little bit I think” 

Lie. Big fat lie.

Christopher knew that. He knew that very well but he appreciated that you kept up with that act. He found that amusing.

“Perfect! Let’s get started then” 

“What?” you said as he wrapped his warm hands around both your wrists, gently pushing you down on the mattress until you laid there with only your feet hanging off the bed. He put your wrists at each side of your face, laying his weight over you. He was heavy, but it was comforting, reassuring. You felt small but also safe under him. The heat from his body ignited a fire within you.

“Don’t worry babygirl” Chris whispered leaning into your ear. You felt his hot breath fanning your burning cheek. “Daddy will get you nice and ready for him.” You felt yourself flutter at the name. You were definitely responding to it.

Christopher licked big swipe on your ear making your breath itch in your throat and you bit your lip to repress a moan. Fortunately you didn’t have to think about it too much because Chris kissed you instantly, one of his hands leaving your wrist to wrap around your throat, his thumb pulling on your chin to open your mouth. You didn’t fight back, letting him slip his tongue into your mouth. He tasted sweet, like energy drinks and tropical fruit juice. Now you knew for sure he was completely sober. But Chris, on the other hand, wasn't so sure anymore, because he sure felt drunk right now. Drunk in you, in this kiss. He threw himself into you, moaning in your mouth as you arched your back and he rolled his hips into you, pressing his hard cock onto your hip.

Before you could think too much about it Chris stripped you of your clothes, one article after the other until you found yourself completely exposed to him. Chris got up and took a step back to admire your body under the rays of the sun piercing through the blinds. You were gorgeous, stunning and he couldn’t wait to finally be inside you.

He then pulled on your hips to bring you on the edge of the bed where he kneeled on the ground and gently parted your legs. 

“Fuckk” he cursed under his breath when he saw your cute little pussy already glistening with need and lightly twitching. He only wanted one thing: to taste you. So he did.

He first laid a gentle kiss on your clit which made you jolt up and he smirked against you in satisfaction.

“Awww baby. Are you always this sensitive or is it daddy doing that to you?” He licked a large stripe from your entrance to your clit, staying there for a second giving more attention to the sensitive bud. 

“F-fuckkk. No it’s y-you” you breathed in, arching your back and fisting the sheets beneath you. “Daddy is doing this to m-me”

Christopher felt his heavy length jump just as the mention of the word in your mouth, it sounded so fucking good, so fucking sexy. It made him want to please you, be good for you.

He licked and swirled his tongue on your swollen bud earning more moans and pants from you. Until your cunt was throbbing against his lips and your heart was beating in your ears.

“Im… Fuck… gonna c-cum” you said lifting your face to see Christopher looking up at you from between your thighs. 

“Go ahead baby. Cum for daddy”

You came undone at the end of his tongue, your walls fluttering around nothing, thick slick gushing out of you and covering Chris’ face. 

“God fuck.. don’t- s-stop” you begged, tensing up your legs and your orgasm ripped through you. Chris didn't stop there, instead he gradually slowed down to help you down your high at your own rhythm.

“Fuckkk... Please daddy I need you inside me” you said looking at him. And he got back on his feet again. With disconcerting ease he grabbed you at the hips and flipped you on your stomach and lifted you so you were on all fours. 

He reached for his night stand where he took out of one of the drawers a condom and tore the wrapper hastily. 

“Was hoping you’d say that babygirl”

As soon as the condom was on he brought his tip to your soaked and fluttering little hole. You were feeling desperately empty and you wanted nothing more than to be stuffed full of Chris’ big fat cock. You wiggled your hips to urge him to fill you up.

“Are you ready baby?” he asked, making sure one last time you were still on board. 

“Yess daddy.. Yes please. Don't make me beg” You said, despair dripping from your lips. And Christopher resisted the urge to do just that. Maybe another time.

He started to push his huge cock inside you and you braced yourself feeling your walls expand beyond belief to accommodate the thick and hard length. Very slowly Chris continued to progress inside you. You gritted your teeth, fisting the sheet even harder and exhaling a faint complaint.

“It’s okay baby. You can do it. Big breaths, ok?” Chris encouraged you before continuing.

Thanks to Chris’ prepping,  the pain was bearable. Now you didn't even have a single shadow of a doubt left. Chris was indeed bigger than Minho. 

Soon enough he managed to push the whole monstrous thing inside you.

“There you go baby” Chris said gently stroking your back. “That’s my good girl. Say when daddy can move okay, darling?” he laid a soft kiss to the crown of your back, his voice appeared to be somewhat strained. Your tightness was also hard to handle on his part.

“Ok” you huffed quietly.

You took a couple of seconds to get used to him but eventually the pain disappeared. 

“You… can move”

Slowly Chris started to pull out only to push right back in when his tip was just barely hinging in. 

“Oh- fuckfuckfuck” you panted. 

“You’re doing so good, baby. So good for daddy” Chris said, pulling out once again.

He repeated the process until he felt you relax around him and the sharp breaths and sighs turned into moans and whines. 

“Fuckk so… so fucking big” you said arching your back while Chirs’ big hands wrapped around your waist to pull you back on his cock everytime he was pushing in. 

“Fuck your little cunt is so wet and tight for me baby”

“Hmmm daddy” you whined. “Please faster”

“Fuck so fucking naughty” he said as started to fuck you faster, deeper, dragging your precious nectar on his cock and making you moan louder.

“Fuck I won’t last long baby”

“Pleasepleaseplease daddy I'm almost there” 

Chris circled your hip and brought two fingers to rub circles on your clit, you threw your head back, completely letting go of the last bit of sanity you had left. Chris felt you throbbing around his cock.

“Fuck daddy…I'm cumminggg” 

“That's it cum for daddy” Chris said, his voice was strained as he felt you flutter around him, urging him to let got. Spurts of hot cum rushed into the condom as he hips became erratic, as continuously fucked into you until you were both satifed and out of breath. 

You collapsed and he rolled next to you, taking the condom off and tying it before rushing to the bathroom and returning with a warm towel and handing it to you. 

“Fuck that was… amazing” he told you with a bright smile that you knew. 

“So you like being called daddy? Now I understand why you’re into kinky girls.” you said, raising an eyebrow, teasingly.

“Oh– Hm.. well. Yeah… sorry it was like in the heat of the moment” he scratched the side of his face before ruffling his brown curls.

“Oh don't worry about it. I liked it” 

“We should like.. do that again sometimes… I mean if you're down”

It’s funny how he started all cocky and confident and now he was the one stumbling on his words and being flustered. You found that cute.

“Yeah we should”

“CHRIS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING???” You heard Jisung’s loud voice coming from the hall. “WE’RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR PRACTICE” He fumbled with the door handle. “WHY IS YOUR DOOR CLOSED?”

“Get the fuck out Jisung. I’m busy” Chris said and you giggled.

“Bro, I think he’s fucking someone in there” Jisung said, this time to someone else.

“OI, MATE WHO’S IN THERE WITH YOU?? IS IT Y/N??” Felix’ unmistakably low voice asked.

“I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT“ Chris shouted.

“Fuck… I think you made him mad.” Felix said.

“Bro how the fuck is it me? You the one who insisted” You heard the two voices getting further.

“Don’t pay attention to them” Chris said and you both laughed and went back to bed, to get a well deserved couple of hours of sleep before a day full of college classes.

3k celebration | skz masterlist | navigation

a/n: thanks for reading babe if you enjoyed reblig or leave a comment because delulu is the solulu <3

#bangchan smut #bangchan #christopher bang #skz smut #skz #stray kids #stray kids smut #bangchan x reader #bangchan stray kids #bangchan x you #bangchan x y/n #bangchan x female reader #kpop smut #stray kids x reader #stray kids imagines #stray kids hard thoughts #stray kids hard hours #bangchan hard thoughts #bangchan hard hours

[eternallyhyucks]

cant help falling | choi soobin

pairing: secret! bf! soobin x fem! reader

word count: 970

genre/warnings: fluff, one swear word + mentions of food

summary: in which you sneak out to get food with soobin !

—note: inspired by soobin’s parts in the ‘loser = lover’ mv!!

𖤐 ྀ

10:00 .. 10:30 .. 11:00

you told soobin to come get you around 10:45 since you knew your parents would be asleep by then, but it was already 11pm and he was showing no signs of arriving.

until you heard light knock on your window.

you carefully opened your blinds to your smiling boyfriend. you lifted the window a little bit before realizing that there was no way he was going to fit through your window.

“can i just meet you outside ?? you’re definitely not gonna fit through my window unless i take the whole thing out”

“then take the whole thing out ?? it’s that easy y/n🙄”

“soobin, imagine my parents walking into my room just to see my window completely opened up. do you think they’d believe that i just ‘needed some air’”

“probably not but we have to live life on the edge man”

“im literally living life on the edge just by having you here right now, i dont need anymore edge” you sigh and continue “but i still wanna go get some food so im jumping outta here😁”

“did you not just say you cant fit”

“i did,, thats why im going out my front door”

“ARE YOU DUMB ??? YOUR FLOORS ARE HARDWOOD AND THEY’RE MAD CREEKY YOU ARE NOT GETTING CAUGHT TODAY”

“but-”

“open this window all the way right now, or else i will”

“but-”

“do it”

“but-”

“im actually going to smack you right now, just do it y/n”

“fine🙄🙄”

you cautiously unhatched the top part of window and set it under your blanket before climbing out and stepping onto the ladder soobin was previously standing on. you then quickly close the blinds as best as you could and made your way down the ladder.

“dude if we get caught my parents are gonna KILL me”

“dont you think they’d love me though” soobin says as the two of you carefully take the ladder and hide it in the bushes next to your house

“you really think you’d get a chance to properly introduce yourself after getting caught sneaking me out??” you say laughing

“fair point” he says reaching out for you hand

you lace your fingers with his and head to his car, which he cleverly parked well away from your house.

“okay so where to?”

“hmm how about ‘downtowner’? they just opened it last week and ive been wanting to go!”

“im down, yeonjun said the fries are really good”

10 minutes later, the two of you arrived at the diner and made your way in. after ordering your food, you look at soobin for a second, thinking about what had gotten into you when you said yes to dating him. you knew extremely well that your parents didnt want you dating because you had been told off a countless amount of times for even talking about couples in movies, but you really liked soobin and what your parents didnt know couldnt hurt them, right?

as your food arrived, you were quickly snapped out of your thoughts. soobin took notice to this and asked you what was up. “i was thinking about why i said yes to dating you” you say about to take a bite out of your food

“hey now, are you rethinking your choices😐? after i snuck out of my house to get you out of yours😐? and after i agreed to pay for this food we’re about to eat😐?” he says furrowing his brows and squinting at you

“no soobin, im just wondering what got into me. i usually listen to my parents all the time, but i didnt with you?? i never snuck out before i started dating you”

“oh my gosh is my girlfriend in her bad girl era?!” he says laughing

you throw a fry at him, but he catches it and takes a bite. “YO WAIT THESE ARE SO GOOD, YEONJUN DIDNT LIE” you then take a bite out of your own and your eyes immediately widen “OH MY GOD”

the two of you devour your food and soon enough, both of your plates were empty. the waiter came to collect your plates and placed the check on the table as well.

soobin put his hand in his pocket to take his wallet out and paused. he checked his other pockets, but still nothing. “umm haha so update on my life, i dont have my wallet” he whispered to you.

your eyes widen, but you still smile at him to make sure that the waiter didnt suspect anything of the two of you. “haha funny joke soobin,, please tell me you’re joking”

“y/n i really fucking wish i was”

you sigh and look your boyfriend in the eyes “you think we can make a run for it?”

“y/n?!” he whisper yelled “okay nevermind this might be the only choice we have”

“okay well.. on the count of three?” soobin nods and you signal one with your finger. then two. and finally, “THREE!” you yell and sprint out of the diner as soobin quickly ran after you.

the waiter that had served you immediately ran after the two of you, yelling about how you didnt pay and how he was gonna call the cops on you if you didnt come back and pay, but you didnt care. you felt free. soobin caught up and flashed a smile at you, which you returned extra brightly.

soon enough you got to his car. he jumped into the trunk, quickly helping you up. breathing heavily, the two of you laid down, waiting for the waiter to turn back around.

soobin turned towards you and cupped your cheek, smiling. “all this and you still wanna be with me?” you put your hand on top of his and smile back at him. “there’s no one else i’d do this with”

©eternallyhyucks

TAGLIST!

@overthemoonbae , @yejicrossing , @baekswoons , @igsana , @renjunn1es , @junityy , @pr0dbeomgyu , @igyus

—send an ask if you would like to be a part of my taglist!!

#i like the way this turned out :) #txt #choi soobin #lo$er=lo♡er #soobin #choi soobin imagines #soobin scenarios #soobin fluff #txt scenarios #txt imagines #fluff #eternallyhyucks

[jmeelee]

Except at Waffle House

A Sterek AU inspired by that ridiculous Reddit post about the girl who’s BF keeps fighting the cook at Waffle House.

As far as boyfriend’s went, Braeden hit the jackpot when she met Derek Hale. She hadn’t been looking for a partner when she’d stepped into the first class of her Master’s program, but there he’d been, sitting dead-center of the third row in the cavernous lecture hall.  Derek was… different.  Intelligent, well-read, handsome, driven; he’d weathered tragedy and trauma with elegance, emerging on the other side with a soft-spoken grace.  He made Braeden laugh with a wit so dry it kindled a fire in her belly.  To other women, Derek’s obscene good looks—chiseled jawline, soft hair the color of midnight, ass you could bounce quarters off of—might have been his biggest draw, but for Braeden, it was Derek’s hard-won composure.  When she decided to drop out of the Federal Marshall program and pursue her own independent career, Derek never batted an eye.  When she came home from dangerous missions sporting cuts, scrapes and bruises, he didn’t rage over her playing fast and loose with her own welfare.  He simply said, “I’m glad you’re home safe.”  Derek never yelled, never lost his temper, never fought.  He was a dream come true.

Except at Waffle House.

Truth be told, Braeden didn’t love Waffle House, but food was food and a girl’s gotta eat. Derek, however, had some deep-seated appreciation of the greasy chain that stretched back into his childhood, before his parents and older sister died. So while she preferred to eat elsewhere, Braeden found herself at Waffle House a few times a week, feeding Derek’s desire to reconnect with fond adolescent memories.

“Service might be a bit slower today,” said their usual waitress, who’s bright yellow name tag read Erica.  She plopped an iced-tea in front of Braeden, and a steaming cup of black coffee before Derek.  Erica snapped her bubblegum, pulled a tiny notepad from the pocket of her black apron, and snatched a stubby pencil out of her perky blonde ponytail.  “Boyd’s training a new cook.  What’re y’all having?”

Sure enough Boyd, the owner of the franchise, stood at the grill, patiently pointing at burners and griddles while the long-fingered hands of the tall, thin guy next to him flew around like drunk hummingbirds.  Braeden figured the new cook was replacing Scott, who had quit the line to attend Veterinary school.  When you spent several days a week eating there, the Waffle House family became your family.

Braeden was known to make her way through the various menu items.  Some people had their tried and true staples, but she preferred to throw tradition to the wind. One day it was pecan waffles, the next, chili smothered hash browns.  Today, a cheese steak omelet.  Derek however was a creature of habit.  “I’ll have the--”

“Steak and eggs,” Erica interrupted, graphite scratching over the paper.  “Steak medium-rare and egg yolks slightly runny.  Whole wheat toast, well done.”

“You got it,” Derek said agreeably, handing over his flimsy laminated menu.  “Thanks, Erica.”

They filled the void between placing their order and receiving their food with anecdotes from work and a fast and furious game of hangman on the back of their paper placemats.  Waffle House may be lacking in sophistication, but it’s service was always speedy.        

“Here ya go.” Erica plunked plates in front of them and topped off Derek’s coffee.  “Let me know if you need anything else.” But the call bell rang in the kitchen and she bustled away, already half-way down the aisle.

Three forkfuls of cheesy goodness passed her lips before Braeden realized Derek was poking at yellow lumps on his platter with a stiff triangle of toast, watching the yolks crumble like a house of sand.  She finished chewing, swallowed.  “Derek?  Is something wrong?”

“It’s my eggs,” he lamented.  “They’re super hard.  Not runny at all.”

Had she known the repercussions of her next words, Braeden might have given them more thought.  But unbeknownst to her, she was about to score red on the Waffle House Index of how prepared she was to weather the coming shit storm.   

“Just call Erica back,” Braeden suggested, waving her fork in the air.  “The kitchen can whip up another batch. No big deal.”  

Famous last words.  

Erica flounced over, ponytail swinging behind her.  “Sorry about that, honey,” she chirped.  “The new cook is still finding his groove.  I’ll be right back with the correct order.”

Derek thanked her again but watched with hazel eagle eyes as she brought the plate back to the open kitchen, speaking to the mole-speckled guy at the grill whose bed head hair was barely contained under his dorky paper hat.  Derek squirmed in his seat.

Braeden’s eyebrows furrowed.  “That’s a really complex call-in system these employees need to learn.  And all that crazy code with the jelly and mayo packets?  They’re bound to make mistakes sometimes.”

Derek grunted, watching Erica return with a heaping plate of eggs.  This time they were scrambled.  “These are scrambled,” he said stupidly, blinking at the fluffy little clouds.

Looking down, Erica seemed to see them for the first time.  She rolled her eyes and groaned.  “Ugh.  Stiles.”

“Yeah, it’s a style of eggs, just not the one I ordered.”

“No,” Erica shook her head.  “S-T-I-L-E-S.  Stiles is our new cook.  I promise I’ll be back with the correct eggs in a few.”

But ten minutes later a plate of thinly sliced hard-boiled eggs laid out in a flower pattern was placed in front of Derek.  Braeden couldn’t help it, she threw back her head and laughed.  “At this point, I think the cook’s fucking with you,” she told him.

But Derek wasn’t in on the joke.  He pushed the plate away and threw money down on the table.  “Hopefully both his cooking and his comedy routine improves,” Derek grumbled, pulling on his leather jacket.

Maybe now they could finally eat at some different restaurants.

----------

Three days later, they were back at Waffle House.

“There are over 1,500 other Waffle Houses in America,” Braeden said for the millionth time, waving her map app in Derek’s face.  “Look, there’s one twelve miles away.”

“It’s the principle of the thing,” Derek scowled, sending his second plate of eggs back to the kitchen.  First, they were poached, then they were part of a bacon egg and cheese sandwich.

The third time a single slice of toast sat on a wide white plate, a perfect circle cut from the center.  Inside the circle was an egg.  Cooked over-hard.  

Braeden took a fortifying breath of humid maple-scented air.

“Okay I’ve had enough,” Derek yelled, standing up from the booth.  “You,” he pointed at Stiles the cook, who stared back with a wide insolent mouth and tricky amber eyes.  “Take this garbage back and cook my eggs the right way.” 

Stiles slowly pulled a dirty apron over his neck, dislodging his ridiculous hat, and sauntered around the counter on long legs to stand in front of Derek, crowding into his personal space.  Toe to toe, there was barely any difference in height between the two men, though their body types varied greatly.  Derek was built like a brick shithouse, Stiles like a twink.  

“Is there a problem, dude?” Stiles asked coolly, with the poker face of an Easter Island head. The only crack in his stone facade was the tiny quirk at the edge of his pert lips.    

“Yeah,” Derek growled, pushing a finger into Stiles’ thin chest, “my problem is you and your shitty egg cooking skills.”

“Shitty?” The quirk blossomed into a fully grown smirk.  “I’ve made you several plates of superb eggs, dude.  It’s not my fault you won’t even try them.”

“Quit calling me dude.”

“Sure thing, buddy.” Stiles winked and stared Derek down like a cowboy in a duel with nothing left to live for.  Where had Boyd found this sadist cook?

“My name is Derek. Not buddy. Not dude.  Derek.” The words leaked out between Derek’s clenched teeth. Braeden could slice American cheese off his jaw right now.

Stiles smiled like he’d won the lottery, angling his body slightly away from Derek, but never breaking eye contact.  “Hey Waffle House, Derek here thinks my eggs suck.  Do all of you fine, upstanding people think my eggs are good?”  Stiles got several thumbs-up, two enthusiastic whistles, and one wrinkled middle finger from a white-haired man hunched over at the service counter.  Stiles gave the guy a thumbs up. “Thanks for your honesty mister.  It’s much appreciated.”

“What the hell was that?  What are you trying to do?” Derek was snarling, and the look between both men was lethal. Eyes sparked.  Lips wetted.  Fingers twitched. Braeden held her breath, sure fists would start flying at any second.  Derek made muted sounds of rage worthy of an aspiring ventriloquist. They were too close, puffed out chests a hair's-breadth apart. 

Stiles shrugged.  “My Waffle House, my rules.  Rule number one, pull that stick out of your ass, Derek.”

Derek took Stiles by the surprisingly broad shoulders and backed him into the coat rack.  “Next time I’m here, you’re gonna make me my food the way I order it.”

As quick as it started, the altercation was over.  Derek backed out of the overcoats, and Stiles came stumbling after like two teenagers emerging from a closet after seven minutes in heaven.  Derek made a beeline for the exit.

“Oh yeah?” Stiles yelled at Derek’s retreating back.  “I'll show you sunny side up!”

The whole thing was made even more ridiculous by the merrily tinkling overhead bell as Derek slammed outside.

_______

“Feeling up for trying Schwarma tonight?” Braeden asked when they pulled into the lot and parked next to Stiles’ run down blue Jeep.

“Not a chance,” Derek replied, practically backflipping out of the Camaro.

----------

“Derek, NO!” she said.

DEREK, YES he heard, and Derek, her Derek, the pinnacle of poise, yeeted himself over the counter, grabbing the yellow crossover uniform tie around Stiles’ neck.

----------

“At least Stiles didn’t spike Derek’s drink with meth,” Erica shrugged.  Today the two men were rolling around on the greasy tile floor.  

“Are you being ironic?” Braeden asked, taken aback by the seriousness of Erica’s tone.

“Waffle House is an irony-free zone,” Boyd informed her with a straight face. “I’m just thankful there’s no AR-15s or nudity today.”

“Yet,” Erica leered.

What the hell happened at Waffle House?!

----------

“I’ll have an Angus patty melt, and a slice of Aunt Maggie’s Triple Chocolate pie, please,” Braeden ordered as chaos descended around her.  “It’s like when I have food in front of me, everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.”

“That’s the magic of Waffle House,” Erica said sagely.

“It’s something,” Braeden replied. 

----------

She was scattered, smothered, covered in food debris, collateral damage from Stiles and Derek’s ongoing war.

“Don’t worry, Hunny,” a friendly woman in the adjacent booth told her.  “Throw a tide pod in with that shirt and the stains will come right out!  Just don’t eat it like those crazy kids are doing these days.”

“Who in their right mind would eat a tide pod?” Braeden asked.

  The answer was a serious side-eye.  “Who in their right mind would keep returning to a restaurant to tussle with the cook?”

Touche.

----------

Waffle House had a special Valentine’s Day candlelight dinner, which Braeden could have happily gone her whole life not knowing about or participating in.  

Erica sat them right next to the fancy new digital touchscreen jukebox.  Stiles came out, fed the machine twenty dollars, and set it to play “I Touch Myself” by Divinyls two-hundred and forty times on repeat.

Braeden wasn’t sure if Derek touched himself that night, but any guy who took her on a Valentine date to Waffle House and proceeded to fist-fight the cook certainly wasn’t going to be touching her.

__________

Braeden parked down the road and walked to Waffle House, unsurprised to find Derek’s car in the parking lot.  She’d quit going with him two weeks ago. To so many hungry, lost, and seriously hammered people, Waffle House’s warm yellow glow was a beacon of salvation.  For Braeden, who watched from the peaceful vantage point of the parking lot as her boyfriend grappled the skinny cook into a headlock and proceeded to give him a vicious noogie, it would forever be a reminder that Derek was the perfect guy for her, except when it came to Stiles.  Once upon a time, Braeden appreciated the fact that women everywhere were always looking at her man. He turned heads, but none of them ever seemed to turn his.  Except at Waffle House, and it wasn’t a woman.

Derek walked out of the restaurant twenty minutes later to find her sitting on the hood of his black Camaro.  “You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?” he asked, monotone. She wondered at Drek’s equanimity, which has always seemed so inviting to her before.  Maybe Braeden just didn’t inspire passion in Derek, the way Stiles obviously did.  

She nodded.

“Is there anything I can say to change your mind?”

She shook her head.  “Not unless you can tell me what this is really about. Not unless you can tell me who you are.  Because this person isn’t the Derek I thought I knew.”

Lately, she’d been thinking a lot about a proverb her mother used to recite when she was younger.  Briseann an dúchais trí shúile an chait. The true nature of someone’s character is revealed through their eyes.  Derek’s head swiveled between Braeden and the view through the glass window, where Erica was helping Stiles off the floor, and Boyd was mopping up spilled chocolate milk, and several patrons were still surreptitiously filming the whole ordeal on their cellphones. Derek’s eyes followed Stiles like a wolf stalking prey.  “Shit, I—”

“Derek,” she said, sliding down the hood and coming to stand before him, “you were an amazing boyfriend and a great guy.”  Braeden sighed. “Except at Waffle House.” 

Derek shoved his fists into the front pockets of his too-tight jeans, scuffed the toe of his sneaker against the brick facade of the restaurant.  “Yeah,” he relented.  “I’m really sorry.”

“Me too, Derek.”  She gently patted his stubbled cheek.  “Good luck with-” she gestured toward the golden fluorescent lights, the black and yellow signage, at Stiles standing stock still and Bambi-eyed behind the counter, holding a chunk of frozen bacon to the top of his head- “whatever the hell this is.  I’ll see you around.”

She waved good-bye to Stiles through the window, who raised a hesitant hand back to her, and walked out of the parking lot.

Roughly a year and a half later, Braeden thumbed through a used newspaper while she waited at her local coffee shop for the barista to call her name.  She flipped from business to sports, passing the society section on her way, when a pithy headline caught her attention.  

Waffle Brawls lead to Wedding Bells.

Huh.  So that’s what all the fighting was really about.

Underneath the catchy title was a byline: “Groom learned sixteen new ways to cook eggs during fearsome flirtation.”

“Caramel Macchiato for Braeden!” 

Braeden tossed the paper onto the tabletop, leaving it open to Stiles and Derek’s wedding announcement, and left the coffee shop with a laugh on her lips.  

You couldn’t make this shit up.  Except at Waffle House.

__________

As per usual tumblr won’t let me link to anything so the Reddit post that inspired this story so you can find that in the notes!  Thanks for reading hope it made you laugh.

#sterek #eternalsterek #haleinski #sterek fic #please don't take this seriously it is crack #outsider pov #braeden pov #but trust me Sterek always get a happy ending

[sometimes-i-write-4-you]

I was wondering if you could do a John B one where he is jealous of the reader and her boyfriend and wishes he would leave the friend zone. Then one night or day something happens that causes John B to comfort the reader and she sees that John B was there all along.

only one for me - John B x redaer

triggers: cheating bf (not our John B of course)

--

(y\n) and John B were always friends. They knew each other for such a long time, (y\n) saw him as a brother. John B, however, saw her in a different light. They were 14 when he realized that.

"I can't wait to see (y\n) today, I miss her" said the young boy with the brown hair. "do you like.. like-like her?" his blond best friend asked. "I don't think so, I just wanna hug her already, haven't seen her in a while" John B replied, and the third boy laughed. "dude, to me it sounds like you like-like her" JJ said, and Pope nodded. "I can't believe I'm saying that, but JJ is right" he said. "no guys, it's normal. I want to hug my friend, cause I miss her" John B insisted.

She finally arrived at John B's to hang out. John hugged her, like kids do, but then he realized he doesn’t want to ever let go.

She wasn't really a part of the group, but she hung out with them a lot, especially during Kie's Kook year, then it was her turn to branch out. He couldn't use the "no pogue on pogue macking" as an excuse really, but he did. He used every single one until it was too late, and she met Gabriel.

Gabriel was a Kook, but she met him at a beach party and they didn't know about the social status difference until later, when they exchanged numbers and his phone was the newest iPhone and her's a Xiaomi. Neither of them cared, at least not enough to ignore the connection, and they started dating soon after. Their friends did care, but love is stronger than anything, right? Wrong.

She was hanging out with Gabriel's friends – drinking, talking smoking and whatever. "so, Gabriel, how's Rosemary liking (y\n)? like, is she not worried (y\n\n) is a just a gold digger? Because I know (y\n\n)'s great, however…" Alice said, sipping on her cocktail. She was laying on the hammock in Gabriel's back yard next to the pool. "she hasn't met her yet" Gabriel replied, flipping the burgers for the BBQ. "oh" Alice said, smiling her devilish smile. "I'm going to, right? Tonight" (y\n) said, "we said I'm staying for dinner". "sure babe" Gabriel said, kissing his girlfriend of 3 months.

"you two are so cute, like Romeo and Juliet or Tony and Maria" Alice said, hiding her hatred towards the couple in her sweet tone. She liked Gabriel, obviously, but that was exactly the problem. "you know that it's basically the same, right? Arthur Laurents based 'west side story' off of Shakespeare's original story" (y\n) corrected Alice. "how do you know it wasn't Shakespeare who copied from Arthur?" Alice said, trying to prove her smarts but failing miserably. "because west side story's first production was after Shakespeare died" Gabriel replied, laughing, "Alice, you truly shock me with your brain". "whatever, nerds" Alice sighed, sipping on her drink once again.

"let's play 7 minutes in heaven" offered one of the guys. If (y\n)'s memory was correct, he was Don. Or was it Daniel? Or was Don the other Blond guy, and this was Ernie?

"Don, we're not 14, we don't need a game to kiss someone" said the other Blond guy, Ernie. (y\n) smiled at her small victory of remembering the names of her new circle. "I'm down" Alice smiled, "I'll make the notes" she added as she got up, and Ernie changed his mind. "yeah, ii guess it can be really fun" he said, scratching the back f his head. Alice rolled her eyes at the love-struck boy and took a notebook and a pen out of her bag to make the notes.

-2 hours later-

John B stood in his kitchen, staring at the nearly expired rice and tying to remember how to make it. With his dad away, he should probably learn how to make food, right?

A knock on the door made him smile. Hopefully it will be one of his friend who can make food, or even better – one if his friends with food. He opened the door almost too fast, the smile on his face turning to a look of worry at the sight of crying (y\n).

Before he got to ask what's going on, the red-eyed girl wrapped her hands around him and pushed her head against his shirts. He felt her tears being soaked in his shirt, and rested his hand on her back, shushing her softly. "hey" he said, hand reaching for her cheeks to both wipe away the tears and make her look at him. "hey" he repeated to remind her to turn her eyes to him. she finally looks at him.

"what happened, (y\n\n)?" he asked, "tell me what happened" he added. They stood at the door, quietly, still sort-of-hugging. She broke the hug to walk into the house and sat down on the couch. "Gabriel" she said, "he— we were at a house party, and then— we—well, one of the guys offered to play 7 minutes in heaven and I got Don and he tried to kiss me but I was like… no, cause you know, I'm dating his friend, but when he got Alice… when Gabriel and Alice went into the closet, they—" (y\n) said. John B sat down by her side, pulling her into him. she leaned her head on his shoulder. "I can't believe he kissed another girl when he has you" John B said, even though he could defiantly believe it. He never liked Gabriel, and now he had a good reason. Stealing the girl that was never really his is not a good enough reason.

"if you were my girl, I'd never do that" he said quietly, tempted to tell her she should be. "yeah, you're a great guy" she said, "I don't deserve to be your friend". "of course you do, you deserve everything" John said, "you're a great person, and you shouldn't let stupid Gilbert make you think differently". "his name is Gabriel" (y\n) corrected, "like the angel. His parents gave him the wrong name, he's no angel" she sighed. "but you are, so don't let him make you cry" John insisted, stroking her side to comfort her. She slowly calmed down, but he had to ask something. "so you two are done?" he asked. she nodded, "yeah, I dumped his ass right in front of his friends. Most of them laughed, but Alice seemed satisfied" (y\n) said. Her phone ringed.

Don (?): hey, now that you are single, wanna reclaim you're 7 minitues in heaven? 😉

John laughed at the text; both did. "this is ridicules" he said, "I mean, wow". "yeah" (y\n) said, "wanna help me reply?" she asked, biting her lip. The perfect payback. "uh, yeah?" John said, half-asking. She opened the camera and made him turn to her. Face to face. They were close, and John B found it hard to resist temptation, but turns put he doesn't need you. (y\n)'s lips locked with his for a split second, and she sent the picture to Don.

"what the fuck?" John said, a little pissed. His dream came true, but this is not how he imagined their first kiss to be. He had this whole thing planned out where he'll tell her to close her eyes because he has a surprise and then he'll kiss her. "I'm not a toy for Kooks to pass around, I'm done with those fart boys-" "you mean frat boys?" "-no, fart boys, because they stink" she said, making John B to laugh even though he wanted to be mad at her.

"just.. look, (y\n), you can't go around kissing people as pay back on your ex, I have feelings. Give me a heads up next time" he sighed. "don't be a baby, it's not like I was leading you on for a moment there, right?" she said, wiping away her tears. John looked at her, and she realized something. well, two things to be exact.

One – his eyes had a pain she recognized from the mirror she looked at on the way here to see how ugly crying made her. The pain of understanding the person you love doesn’t love you as much. Second thing was is beautiful, kind and he's always there for her. It was always him.

"I was, wasn't i? shit man" she laughed sadly, "good job, me". "it's okay, I guess. My bad for never telling you" he said. "no, I fooled myself, not you" she says. He looked at her confused. "let me make it up to you" (y\n) smiled, ignoring John's confusion. Her hand reached for his cheek to pull him as close as possible, and her lips crashed against his. He kissed back without questioning it, until he started to overthink.

"wait, are you just looking for something because of Gabriel, or is this for real?" he asked, pulling away. "for real, John B, as real as it gets. I'm kind of stupid for never seeing that you were the only one for me" (y\n) said, slightly offended. Her serious tone convinced John B, and led to understand she likes him back. Finally. He smiled and pulled her back into the kiss.  

#john b #john b x reader #john b imagine #John Booker Routledge #john b imagines #Outer Banks #outer banks netflix #outer banks x reader #outer banks imagines #obx #obx netflix

[sparkles-and-trash]

Craig and Those Guys, Headcanons Masterpost  ~

Craig Tucker 

Looks:

tall and gangly 

has really pretty, thick black hair, but is always wearing his chullo so he always has hat hair lol 

light blue/grey-ish eyes 

long face, defined jaw 

really smooth skin, which is odd since he has no routine what so ever 

casual style, lot’s of hoodies and those Adidas pants with the white stripe at the side? 

Personality:

he has a resting bitch face, but like, as a personality? 

like, when he’s not thinking about anything special or talking about something he cares about, he’ll just sorta tune out and look pissed and/or bored 

but he isn’t grumpy or careless 

just a little aloof lol 

cares a lot about his boyfriend, friends, family and pet(s) 

doesn’t always feel confident when showing it tho 

dorky, he loves space and his niche shows and likes tidying haha 

has the dorkiest laugh and is super embarrassed about it hehe 

Friendships:

isn’t that good with people tbh 

but he really values his friends, and enjoys spending time with them

will fight for his friends, hands down 

is weary around new people, like the the two boy gangs started to hang out a little more, he was the one who took the longest to open up and be chill with it 

likes seeing his friends having fun and being passionate, so he always tries to keep up with their interests etc

which sometimes surprises people 

but like I said, he is really a nice guy, he just has a rising bitch personality 

Family:

has a healthy and good family dynamic 

is kinda awkward with showing them affection tho 

his dad and him have a “slap each other on the back and huff” type of relationship 

but deep down they both know there’s a lot of love and acceptance there<3 

Laura is a cool mom, fight me 

not like, too cool, she has rules and is an authoritarian person 

but she is also funny and sees through her kids’ bullshit 

Tricia is really similar to Craig in a lot of ways

they stay out of each other’s way mostly, but sometimes hang out casually 

doesn’t really fight that much? 

Ships and relationships:

y’all know it, it’s always creek time around here

I usually see Craig as demiromatic gay 

he and Tweek totally have that best friends and lovers type of relationship 

like, not too lovey dovey, but sure as hell passionate at times 

Craig genuinely have so much fun with his bf man, he just wants to hang out with him all the time 

isn’t too creative when it comes to dates and stuff, but he really tries 

often gets help from Token and the others when it comes to it 

actually doesn’t mind PDA, at least chill PDA like handholding and kisses etc 

Token Black 

Looks:

pretty tall and broad, but not like, super fit, he’s just naturally like that 

around the start of high school he started growing his hair out a little, he keeps it in a short and manageable length 

he has very remarkable eyes, dark brown at the edges and they get almost golden by his pupils 

handsome, simply put haha

I would describe his style as preppy/casual? 

like, he dresses nicely, and likes looking sharp, but he isn’t a snob about it! 

I feel like he would look amazing in purple and wear it often! 

Personality:

always writing in a little notebook

loud, contagious laughter

big conscience, always tries to do the right thing

while his friends and classmates loves the perks of his wealth, Token himself feels bad about it a lot

he has a tendency to get a little down about the state of world and it’s unfairness 

he works with a lot of charities and is a volunteer and both the pet shelter, the homeless shelter and the children ward of the hospital, and he really, genuinely loves doing it 

Friendships:

very protective of his friends

because he volunteers a lot, he started running into Stan and Kenny at both the pet shelter and homeless shelter a lot, as Stan is a huge animal rights lover and Kenny genuinely likes helping both people and animals 

the three of them start becoming better friends because of this, eventually brining the two groups closer together 

he is one of the few people Craig will actually go to for relationship advice etc

which is kinda funny because Token is a casual dater all through High School

nothing wrong with that! and like, he still has great advice and is very good with people in general 

very good at making people feel included 

the mom friend 100%

comforts Clyde, keeps Jimmy’s antics under control, keeps Tweek from killing Cartman and helps Craig actually communicate dhslkfhb

Family:

has a good relationships with his parents! 

but feels like he has to live up to a certain level of expectations at times 

his dad is a bit old-fashioned in some senses, but he means well

and both his mom and dad loves him a lot and is super proud of what a wonderful person he is (so am I ilu Token you’re doing amazing sweetie)

Ships and relationships:

first of all, I think Token is bi! 

I like Tyde, but my OTP for him is Tokenny! 

I just really like the dynamic potential and think they would make each other the best versions of themselves? 

Token is great at being suave and charming in general and on first dates that’s casual, but if he already has a crush and/or feelings he is a mess

but like, a cute mess 

anyways, here’s a tiny Tokenny fluff one-shot I wrote a while back lol 

Tweek Tweak

Looks:

big, soft & fluffy hair

big, nervous looking eyes

either electric green or lively brown 

soft sweaters and big flannels 

sweater sleeves always covering his hands

pale, perfect skin 

soft freckles on his nose, shoulders and hands

crooked smile 

slight gap between his front teeth 

a little shorter Craig, slightly more defined much wise naturally 

Personality:

very confused

doesn’t know what day is it

has gotten a lot better at dealing with his anxiety, but still twitches a bit because of the meth coffee his parents had him drink as a kid

juMpY

very funny when he chills enough to be funny haha

has a kind heart, esp when it comes to people and animals in difficult situations 

he has so much compassion in his heart, man 

but also has a short fuse 

is pretty scary when he gets pissed 

will get into a physical fight

esp if anyone insults his friends 

which is why Cartman is terrified of him 

Friendships:

his friends makes him feel very lucky and grateful and he tries to make up for it a lot 

often bakes as a stress relief, which makes Clyde love him even more lol

is pretty good friends with Kenny 

he likes to just hang around people sometimes, doing nothing together, and Kenny enjoys that too, so they often do that 

Tweek loves these dudes a lot, but there’s always so much going on yanno 

good friends with Wendy! 

they share a lot of the same values 

he has a secret talent when it coms to drawing, only Clyde knows (by accident) 

always tries to include those who is a bit on the outside

Family:

complicated 

his parents have always taken a lot of advantage of him, let’s be real 

I often headcanon them selling out to Harbucks at some point, but they keep running the store 

but they have to hire more people and is under more surveillance now, so that saves Tweek a little

he still works there tho

so does Kenny 

honestly, Tweek avoids his parents as much as he can, there is a lot of resentment there 

he loves Craig’s family tho, and they love him back <3 

Ships and relationships:

yeah, Creek it is 

I also like Twenny tho, but creek is my OTP! 

I usually write Tweek as gay, but I’m open to other interpretations 

but he likes boys in any scenario to me 

often has his hands in Craig’s jacket pockets, or hands onto his arm, just likes being physically near him

Craig likes it too, so 

Tweek still struggles with sleeping, but always sleeps amazingly with Craig around :softeyes: 

blushes so hard when Craig manages to catch him off guard with compliments and soft stuff 

is pretty good at being romantic, and does really sweet stuff for birthdays and anniversaries and stuff! 

Jimmy Valmer

Looks:

thick mop of brown hair that’s purposely messy 

would never admit it but he spends time every morning making it that way 

light brown eyes that turns golden in the sun 

had braces for years, so now his teeth are very straight and white and perfect 

a few cute freckles on his face

actually pretty tall, but because of his crutches he slouches a bit so it doesn’t always show 

Personality:

has the best one-liners

living legend for having the record for both the best grades and highest number of detentions at once

can’t shut up in class

sarcastic lil’ shit

sometimes speaks before he thinks but never means harm 

good at seeing when he’s out of line and has no problem apologizing! 

on the fist day on freshman year the current quarterback (a huge senior) was being horrible to Butters so Jimmy simply smashed the guys toes with his crutch 

Friendships:

often takes on a comic relief role in groups 

him and Clyde have big “brooo” energy 

he is the best wingman 

very supportive of his friends, no matter their interest, he always tries to lear about it so he can be there for them and cheer them on! 

Jimmy and Stan bond over their interest in writing in an English class Freshman year 

whenever Stan has a bad day or week, Jimmy or Kyle is always the first two people to notice and do something because of that 

Family:

has a pretty superficial relationship with his parents 

nothing really bad in that sense, but it ain’t that deep 

doesn’t share too much of his private life with them, but if they ask he won’t lie either

because of his good grades and general intelligence they tend to be gullible with him, so he gets away with a lot  of shit 

Ships and relationships:

I usually think of him as pan! 

I see him dating around quite a bit in high school and college! 

hooks up quite a bit, but isn’t a fuckboy, he’s very upfront about what he wants and what he doesn’t

never wants anyone to get hurt

but doesn’t have the best attention span when it comes to dating lol 

falls hard when he does tho!! 

Clyde Donovan 

Looks:

looks like a chocolate Labrador that got turned into a human shdghsdg

soft, dark brown hair 

big, puppy like brown eyes 

medium tall? 

kinda soft, like, has soft features, chubby cheeks etc but isn’t fat 

isn’t ripped either, normal to slightly pudgy I would say! 

wears a lot of old, comfy jeans and hoodies, often red ones 

likes silly graphic t-shirts! 

Personality:

the guys who cries at parties

a real good guy, there’s no denying that

he and Token both cried while watching The Kissing Booth on Netflix, promising each other to always support who the other dates. They swore to never talk about it again

loves his friends SO MUCH

generally loves being around people, he is very extroverted! 

notices stuff others may overlook

both with people and scenery and stuff idk 

compassionate to a fault 

Friendships:

when Tweek and Craig started dating, Tweek was a bit nervous about being with the group and feeling like he took up too much space?

and Clyde noticed right away and made sure to really get to know him well and they became great friends, to Craig’s somewhat surprise

Clyde can be a little intense and Craig figured Tweek might find him too much, but it ended up being the opposite, they really enjoy each other’s friendship and their differences works well together

thinks of all of these dudes as his best friends! 

his first real crush was Bebe who turned out to be gay

they’re real good friends now but deep down he’s still a little heartbroken

but he values their friendship so much so he’s working through it!  

Family:

ohhh :((( 

sad hours offh 

is still very emotionally raw from his mothers’ death

blames himself very much 

his dad is really trying to bond with him tho 

and be a good dad

like I said on the main 5 post I like the AU/headcanon that Clyde’s dad and Cartman’s mom gets married 

in that scenario I think Clyde would be very resentful at first, feeling like his mom got replaced 

but Liane is kind and warm to him and he warms up to her eventually 

calls Cartman his brother 

actually really comes to care for him tho (it’s mutual but Cartman will never admit it) 

Ships and relationships:

bi disaster 

bad luck with love 

he falls fast and hard 

gets sooo happy when things work out! 

but sooo heartbroken when they end 

he has no problem getting the dates! 

but he gets nervous and a little too intense too fast 

loses his confidence fast, but his friends are always there to pick him up <3 

#South Park #south park headcanons #sp headcanons #sp creek #creek south park #Craig tucker #token black #tweek tweak #jimmy valmer #Clyde donovan #sp clyde #sp jimmy #sp tweek #sp craig #sp token #sp ships #South Park masterpost #South Park writing #south park headcanon #txt #Craig x tweek #tweek x craig #tokenny #sp tokenny

[chicago-reeed]

Detroit Evolution

So

These are some notes that I took while I watched DE for the first time. It’s a lot. Like, six pages, a lot. I decided I should probably spare everyone’s dashboards and put it under a cut.

Warning: overuse of the fuck word because I am a dramatic little shit who gets overwhelmed easily

- Alright here we go. I don’t know if I’m mentally prepared to go through this hhhhh

- THE CINEMATOGRAPHY I NUT

- fuck he smellin the flowers good

- “hey tin can :P” “good morning gavin :P”

- I’m actually fucking crying IVE HAD TO PAUSE SO MANY TIMES JUST TO BREATHE AND IM ONLY AT 1:25

- FUCK ITS 1:27 AND HES FIXING HIS COLLAR HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WATCH THIS WHEN MY VISION IS BLURRY WITH TEARS

- “I don’t need to breathe” BAZINGA

- *slaps my face repeatedly* keep it together bitch

- “I like the way you look<3” aaaaaaaaannd here I go again

- HAHAHA HE WAS DAYDREAMING SAME NINES SAME

- oh god oh god witty banter WITTY BANTER I CANT FUNCTION

- C H R I S  IM SCREAMING

- detective motha fuckin chris I don’t need to see any more I got what I came for

- Honestly all they need to do to calm down the protestors is get nines out there so he can say “please stop you’re being very mean >:/“ and they would probably just go home ngl

- “I’ve never been intimidated by people who hate androids” OH MY GOD NINES WITH THE BAZINGA’S TODAY WHAT A LEGEND

- can I just say the white jacket is such a power move I can’t believe nines invented fashion

- Gavin bein soft and reaching back for Nines in the crowd🥺homygod

- Gavin “no one calls him plastic but ME” Reed

- The only time I will support police brutality™️

- Gavin is so OP we stan

- Nines “you raise a fist, then I get PISSED😡” RK900

- “y’all have a nice day” Protect Detective Chris Miller at all costs

- Nines sees Gavin’s scars as charming PUT ME TO DEATH

- ADA OH LORD SHES STUNNING IM SOBBING

- Okay I need to pause and breathe again the cinematography got me chokin

- Uh ooohhh someone is jeeaaalouus😛

- Nines really said “no worry fam I’ll airdrop the case files to u”

- Ada: *exists*

- me: I hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me

- HA GAV DEFINITELY JEALOUS RIP

- And nines back at it again with the sass I AM LIVING

- Chris and Gavin’s reactions to Nines imitating Ada is the best thing I’ve seen all year

- “I can do your voice too” HIS FACE IMDBDHDJKDJD CRYIGGGSBSN

- oh ;-; shit Michael really finna make me cri

- God damn the intro credits are so beautiful

- TINAAAAAAA BABYYYYY

- Real coffee hours with the sharktreuse mug🦈

- “our boy” SHIT IM CRYING AGAIN

- Tina knows Gavin was absolutely feral before Nines appeared at the DPD

- Half An Asshole squad please stand up we ride at dawn

- Gavin with the knockoff timbs WE STAN😎

- maybe “thank god, I hate you, you love me, move your feet, oop” will be our always

- I’m living for the whole “criminal minds” vibe goin on here

- Bruh Gavin got the hook-ups fr fr

- ❤️WITTY BANTER WITTY BANTER WITTY BANTER W❤️

- The level of reed900 is staggering

- I’ve had to pause and breathe so many times it’s pathetic I’m not even 15 mins in

- GAVIN SAID mwah<3🖕IM FUCKING DIED

- 850% godt damn Nines got that IOS 50 update

- NINES PUT CHRIS’ PROMOTION PARTY IN THE CALENDAR WHAT A GOOD DAD

- maybe “our calendar” will be our always

- Chris “wingman of the year” Miller

- Who’s that Pokémon??? It’s JEALOUS GAV

- The way Nines said “I don’t feel anything for her.” I see you bud

- insecure Gavin needing reassurance™️

- Im fucking dying I fucking died bro BRO WE ALL KNOW WHO YOURE TALKING ABOUT, NINES, WE ALL KNOW

- Asexual Nines FTW👊😤👏👏👏❤️He gives zero fucks of ANY kind

- AN ANGEL HAS APPEARED WITH A GLOWY BLUE SCARF

- BREAKING NEWS: affection-starved Gavin™️ is literally begging for love

- GAVIN REED STOP BEING MEAN TO GAVIN REED OR ELSE

- “But there’s much more to admire about you than to detest, I think.”<333

- JJ not being suspicious at all nope no way Jose

- Lazzo has said two words and I love him already

- I don’t think I’ve seen this episode of COPS before🤔🤔🤔

- We all know Nines secretly wants to wear those fun glasses

- “Officer I swear I’ve never seen that arm in my life, it’s my friend’s he just asked me to hold it for him, Android arm what android arm heh”

- “Like robot arms, not gun arms.” You’re doing great sweetie🥰

- HAND TOUCH HAND TOUCH HAND TOUCH H

- Chris “the interrogator” Miller😎

- THE CINEMATOGRAPHY

- soft n sleepy gav™️ is soft n sleepy

- FUCKING SLEEVELESS SWEATSHIRT IVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT GAV IN A SLEEVELESS SWEATSHIRT FOR SO LONG AND NOW IT’S REAL IM

- You can wear my😋😘sweeaatshiiiirt😝😁🤗 (I’m sorry I had to)

- inconspicuous loving glances™️

- #GiveAndroidsFuckinHealthcare2K20

- AAAHHHHHHHH I CANTT BREAF

- HEAD>ON>SHOULDER

- INCONSPICUOUS LOVING GLANCES™️

- Gavin has not slept in 80 years

- He really said “I’m fine” BITCH

- Bed time for brats™️ no later than 8:30pm

- hell yeah sleepover time

- “stop lookin at my insides n shit” I want that on a t shirt

- ANDROID DREAMS

- Nines is so soft I might die

- But he’s somehow equally suave as fuck how is this fair

- Oh my god dream!gavin is like Nines’ conscious this is so presh

- “What do you think Gavin was gonna say?” nsndJSKDOFIWKDBDNDNSJDBBDJDJDJDNDJXJNDIFUIFIEKWN HES STILL THINKING ABOUT THEIR CONVO

- dream!gavin you sly dog

- “To have this. Out there.” DONT FUCK WITH MY HEART LIKE THAT THIS INNER-MONOLOGUE FLUFF IS SO SWEET

- Nines being insecure™️

- Listen to dream!gavin, Nines, he has big brain

- The fact that Nines subconsciously KNOWS that irl!Gav “just wants someone that doesn’t hate him” but he’s STILL like alas, I can never be what gavin needs :’(

- nu babie don’t be sad🥺

- oh my god they’re both train wrecks protect them at all cost

- c r i p e s❤️the reed900 hurt/comfort we all needed

- FUCK

- Concerned boyfriends™️

- Maybe “I’m fine” will be our always

- GAV🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💔💔💔💔💔💔

- Insecure boyfriends™️

- Nines “I’m not going to get any closer to Gavin because I can’t help him but also I want to cuddle with him because he had a nightmare” RK900

- did someone say  c a t

- dumb babie gav jus spoon the dumb android so you both feel better

- Me: *rubs evil hands together* aha here comes the angst

- cue tragic backstory

- oh

- tragic backstory indeed

- YES DAD!FOWLER WE LOVE

- Gavin is so desperate for anyone to care about him I’m crying tears

- SHIT IT’S CUDDLE TIME™️ NOW IM REALLY FUCKING CRYING

- Alexa this is so god damn sad play despacito

- YES

- HAND>HOLDING

- HEAD>ON>SHOULDER

- NINES’ SKIN RETRACTING WHERE THEIR HANDS ARE TOUCHING THIS IS LIKE EVERY REED900 STAN’S DREAM COME TRUE

- Oh shit it’s about to get domestic I don’t think I’m mentally prepared

- YOU CAN WEAR MY😝💪SWEEAATSHIIIIIIRT🤪🔥🔥🔥 (I’m never letting the sleeveless sweatshirt thing go)

- Uh oh NO FUCK I’ve read enough fan fiction to know that this is where Gavin’s fucking trust issues kick in and he decides pushing nines away is safer than getting closer to him SHIT

- AND NINES GETS CONFUSED AND HURT

- AND THEN GAVIN GETS HURT

- I feel angst in this Chili’s tonight

- “I need you to leave” aaaaaaahhhhhhhh here come a whole different kind of tears

- frick dude that ouches

- Insert sad babie noises

- Oml the tension☠️poor Chris and Ada are like😑😑

- Chris could solve this case all by himself change my mind

- Gavin and Nines = (ò///-///ó)

- Chris = :D~oblivious~

- HELL YEAH PARTY TIME

- BEST WIVES TINA AND VALERIE AHHHH

- reed900 who??? I don’t know her. I only know ❤️valerina❤️

- I can’t believe Gavin and Nines invented angst

- I went and got blue gatorade just so I could pretend I was drinking thirium like Nines

- #DetectiveChen2K20

- real sad gavin hours

- Ruh roh Gavin bouta die from the ‘rona virus because rat man smokes hella

- CINEMATOGRAPHY CHEEEEECK HOLY SHIT

- my entire aesthetic in a single shot jfc

- Aaaaahhhh Nines trying to be a supportive bf just makes me ;-; [takes damage]

- HES ACCEPTED GAVIN AS MORE THAN A PARTNER🥺that, my friends, is what we call character development

- We stan the otp aggressively talking about their feelings

- “I’m not going anywhere.” FUCK™️

- SMOKE>FACE

- Aaaaand they’re back at square one. It’s cool it’s fine it’s all good we can work with this.

- Gavin: I don’t need you ò-ó

- Gavin: *immediately after Nines leaves* fuck ó-ò

- “It’s fine”™️

- I love Ada so much hhhhhh she said 🤨

- “Basic Instinct” TINA WITH THE HEAT OMG

- *nervous laugh* haha Ada sis maybe chill a little bit ha ha

- oh no I have a not good feeling

- ADA CHILL ADA CHILL

- WHY IS HE FOLLOWING HER INTO AN ALLEY AFTER THAT SKETCHY TALK

- AAA FUCK FUCK FUCJDJEMNSNDJDNXU FUCK I FUCKING KNEW IT FUCK SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK

- 😖x1000000

- Oh my god this is so fucking sad Alexa play The Sound of Silence

- Nines got fucked up and Gavin is CONCERNED

- aayyyyy bro Nines full on nakey

- Tina and Gavin sad bro huggin👊😔

- ADA HOW DARE YOU. HOW VERY DARE YOU.

- Uh oh Nines is fckn PISSED

- he MAD mad

- Tina speakin straight facts I love her

- WOOP GAVIN FINALLY ADMITTING HE NEEDS NINES

- f u c k  right in the heart

- I don’t want to attempt writing any notes at this moment because my thoughts are completely incoherent I am a MESS

- “I need you to come back, Nines.” DONT PLAY W ME LIKE THAT

- HAND HOLDING FTW

- Did Gavin really almost bring Nines back through the power of love I am SHAKING

- Dream!Gavin speaking truth as ALWAYS

- These damn flashbacks making me feel some type of way

- OH SHIT HE AWAKE

- that actually low key jump scared me

- God damn these sets are so fucking pro, I’m so happy

- REUNION

- Tina really say “Chris ;) ;) lets go get some ;) coffee ;) ;) ;) ;)”

- CHRIS’ REALIZATION FACE FUCKING LAID ME OUT I HAD TO PAUSE I WAS LAUGJINB SO HARD

- You Undead Asshole™️

- Gavin: ( ⚆ _ ⚆ ) fuck he actually heard me talk about my feelings n shit

- Nines: You literally told me you fucking needed me like five minutes ago

- Gavin: huh weird that doesn’t sound like me I actually hate you

- ooOOHHH  S H I T

- REALLY IS THIS REALLY HAPPENIGN

- woah shit sorry I blacked out for a second what happened

- MY POOR LITTLE FUCKING REED900 HEART IS EXPLODING AND IMPLODING AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME

- CAAAAAAAAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIIIGGHTT

- holy shit I actually gave myself a bloody fucking nose because I smacked my face too hard in excitement

- ❤️💘���💞💕💘💓💚💛💘💞💓💛💛💞💘❤️💚💘💜💕💖❤️❤️💕💓����💘💖💚💝❤️

- FUCK

- “What dipshit programmed you to do that?” 🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️FUCK

- My aunt came in and told me she heard me shouting then asked why I was crying

- HAHA FUCKING CHRIS IS MEEEE

- shit I need to like..,,,,physically recover from that

- whew okay break time is over let’s fucking go

- Nines in the cheeky turtleneck I SEE U

- #DETECTIVECHEN2K20

- Gavin: I’m ready to take this hoe DOWN

- Initiate protocol: SAVE ADA FROM HERSELF

- I could listen to Tina talk to dispatch for hours🥰❤️❤️❤️

- WHITE TRENCH COAT WHITE TRENCH COAT WHITE TRENCH COAT WHITE T

- Gavin being hella concerned boyfriend™️

- FIGHT SCENE™️

- omfg that crowbar really went *CLANG* when it hit Ada’s steel fkn abs what a legend💪😎

- Hell yeah epic Nines gif moment

- no Ada don’t choke Gavin it only makes him stronger

- CHRIS THE MOTHER FUCKIN GOAT😎👏👏👏he really said “fuck ur monologue I’m here to get shit done”

- ADA QUEEN YOURE OKAY SWEETIE

- That character development godt damn

- I might be reaching but Gavin is now wearing a white/off-white shirt/gray that kINDA RESEMBLES DREAM!GAVIN’S SHIRT. Coincidence? I THINK NOT. THATS SYMBOLISM IF I EVER DID SEE IT.

- “buyer’s remorse, huh?”

- “I can’t be everything you need.”

- That awkward moment when you realize the person you were hiding your feelings from has also been hiding their feelings from you.

- “a year of that fuckin’...Ken Doll face smirkin’ at me every day” BE CUTER GAVIN, I DARE YOU.

- naked hand = love

- CHEEKY BASTARDS

- FUCK FUCK FUCK ME

- THAT WAS SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL

- So my review of this film could be summed up by saying that I basically cried for an hour and fifteen minutes.

- Holy damn

#fun game: watch the film and try to guess what each of these crazy ramblings is referring to #im still reeling from all of that #I think I need to watch it again #yes that sounds like a plan #this is kind of like a review #if it were written by an emotional crackhead who got zero sleep last night #also #happy easter babes #if u celebrate it of course #what did we do to deserve this film #jfc there are still tears in my eyes #I need to watch it again asap #Detroit evolution #octopunk media #reed900

[trensu]

Episode 43: The One where WWX is Soft for Children and Bunnies

we're still in the forbidden chamber

wwx has his detective cap on and is being clever

the lan bros are listening attentively as they should be

wwx: jgy is a sneaky conniving bastard blah blah he vandalizes evil music books blah blah

lots of boring plot talk basically

i'm sitting here like, *sigh* so pretty wwx so pretty

which is what i imagine lwj does all the time...

lol wwx goes to lxc and is like, no offense bro but jgy was a skilled spy during the war who was able to infiltrate and memorize wen ruohan's stuff in their secret chamber. invading this one would've been a piece of cake for him

and lxc is like well damn, guess i better test out all this evil music and see if it actually works

lxc: i'll just test the evil magic music on myself. yep. that way no one gets hurt and that couldn't possibly backfire on me at all

lwj: bro

lxc: bro. i gotta do this bro to clear my bae’s i mean friend's name

LOL lxc is like you all see jgy this way but i see him in a totally different way

YEAH WE KNOW, THAT'S THE PROBLEM

LOLOLOL OMG

lxc turns to gaze off into the middle distance and is like, the jgy in my heart is kind and benevolent blah blah

and behind him wwx crosses his arms and all but rolls his eyes LIKE DUDE YOU'RE COMING TO THE WRONG PERSON FOR SYMPATHY. I'M THE ONE THAT GOT KILLED FOR THINGS YOUR BF DID

oh this moment's interesting

lxc is like, can't you allow me to be cautious about making this decision? 

and lwj takes a step towards him, ready to speak but wwx grabs his upper arm and stops him with a shake of his head

the look lwj gives him just before that was like why are you stopping me?

but wwx knows this isn't something you can push

lwj trusts wwx's judgment and holds back whatever he was going to say

i'm curious as to what he WAS going to tell his brother tho

now lwj is leaving to talk to their uncle and lxc is like, sure i'll take your soulmate back to your room for you

WE'RE GONNA GET SOME BABY!LWJ FLASHBACKS SOON OMG

IT'S GONNA HURT

wwx: since lan zhan isn't here, i wanna ask you about something

lxc: tell me

wwx: what are the whipping scars on lan zhan?

lxc: you don't know?

AND THEIR SONG STARTS PLAYING

wwx: i asked him but he didn't wanna say, so i'm asking you

lxc: yeah, if he doesn't think it's necessary he'll probably never talk about it so i'll tell you instead of respecting my little brother's decisions about his personal life

AND OKAY I'M GLAD HE DID BC IT GIVES US WANGXIAN MOMENTS BUT STILL!! 

lxc: do you remember that one time when wn shot and killed your sister's husband?

on the one hand, HOW COULD HE FORGET but on the other hand, he forgets quite a lot of things actually...

lxc: after wq and the others turned themselves in...*cue flashback*

we're at the burial mounds, lwj is standing by himself before wwx's cave facing down a whole freaking squadron of cultivators

su she: *runs his mouth as if we actually care what he has to say*

lwj: *completely unfazed and expressionless* you are not qualified to speak to me

HELL FUCKING YEAH

WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW EPIC THIS MOMENT IS

LOOK AT LWJ OWN THAT ICE PRINCE PERSONA TO STRIKE DOWN AN IMPUDENT ANT OF A PERSON

su she goes to draw his sword AS IF HE HAS ANY REAL CHANCE OF DEFEATING HANGUANG JUN IN A SWORD FIGHT

but jgy shows up with even MORE cultivators and then does that thing where he compliments the person inconveniencing him and takes control of the situation

jgy: oh hanguang jun is so honorable let's not search wwx's secret cave lab right now

BUT THE GREAT THING IS THAT LWJ DOESN'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE HIS PRESENCE

HE DOESN'T LOOK AT HIM OR SU SHE AT ALL

bc lwj is forever Better Than You.

fuck jgy

jgy: even if wwx is alive, the burial mounds is surrounded so there's no way he could come here without us noticing

he says this to lwj all mildly BUT YOU KNOW IT'S A THREAT

He bows (lwj STILL doesn't acknowledge him and it's GREAT) and walks away

then pauses (bc Drama) and is like oh, almost forgot, your uncle is waiting for you at the cloud recesses. And then he just leaves with all his cultivators

this is when lwj finally looks at jgy (or his back, at least since jgy is leaving)

We cut to the next scene that has lwj slamming the point of bichen in the the stone ground, arm bleeding

HE IS VISIBLY SWEATING AND TREMBLING

lxc: lwj made a mess and fought against everyone there

AND WE SEE LWJ FALL TO HIS KNEE, ONE ARM USING BICHEN AS SUPPORT WHILE THE OTHER RESTS ON THE GROUND

but the fall was gradual and jerky, like he was fighting it the whole way down. 

As if the only reason he fell is bc he's used up every ounce his strength and energy he had in his body

lxc: uncle burst into anger and took him back home, punishing him with 300 lashes and repenting in the cold pond cave for 3 years

we cut to the cloud recesses, camera shot from above making lwj, who is kneeling before his uncle and surrounded by disciples, look small AS ~THEIR SONG~ STARTS PLAYING ON THE CELLO 

his uncle orders them to start beating lwj

AND LWJ TAKES IT LIKE A CHAMP

he barely moves with each strike and MAN THAT DISCIPLE IS NOT HOLDING BACK

oooh, we see him do that fist clench thing which looks even more painful without bichen to grip tbh

dude lwj is clenching his jaw so hard. 

like, he refuses to cry out in pain and it's gotta hurt bc he's bleeding already

lqr: what is rule 52 of the lan clan?

lwj: do not befriend evil

NO HESITATION. SAID IN A STRONG FIRM VOICE

AS IF HE WASN'T CURRENTLY GETTING BEATEN WITH A NIGHTMARE STICK

and lqr is all you have forgotten the fundamental laws of our clan, how can you have the nerve to face your ancestors like this!!

BUT LWJ IS NOT HAVING THAT

HE'LL TAKE THE BEATING BUT HE'S GOING TO MAKE HIS POINT

lwj: i dare ask you, grandmaster, who is right? who is wrong? what is black? what is white?

Bc our boy has learned! He’s learned NUANCE and CRITICAL THINKING and the existence of GRAY AREAS

BC WTF IS THE POINT OF ALL OF THESE STUPID RULES IF THEY DON'T PROTECT THE INNOCENT AND DEFENSELESS?

Bc his soulmate was right all along and he didn’t stand by him when he needed him most and now his soulmate is gone. His soulmate is gone. He’s GONE.

I'M GONNA MAKE MYSELF CRY

lqr: perfect! that's my good student

he does not say this happily. he is in fact SHOUTING this VERY ANGRILY

and here i wanna say, hey lqr, what's that rule about excessive noise...?

cue lwj's fist clench again, which sounds just as painful as the beating tbh

lqr: wangji, you have disappointed me

NOT AS MUCH AS YOU AND YOUR DAMN RULE-BOOK HAVE DISAPPOINTED HIM, YOU JERK

and here we see an ACTUAL VISIBLE SCOWL on our beautiful hanguang jun's face as he continues to be beaten

HOW ANGRY AND TORN UP MUST HE BE TO ACTUALLY SCOWL LIKE THAT??

cut to lwj kneeling at the ice table thing in the cold pond cave, robed in white and face blank but somehow still projecting an aura of cold fury

probably bc the rulebook open in front of him says "eradicate evil, establish laws, and goodness will be everlasting" and he knows that’s bullshit now

but actually this scene is visually very beautiful. 

It’s all in misty shades of pale cold blue and white and everything’s spaced out in a way to emphasize how very very alone lwj is

cut back to the present with wwx and lxc

wwx grips his flute with both hands and looks down like he can't believe what he's hearing

lxc: when lwj was imprisoned i tried to persuade him...but he told me he considered you his confidant soulmate and believed in your integrity

wwx: why would he bother…?

his brow is furrowed and his voice is soft like he truly doesn't seem to understand why lwj would bother to do all that

and on the one hand i wanna scream IT'S BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU, YOU MORON

but on the other hand, everybody else in wwx's life, everyone else he loved, turned on him or died 

and he probably truly believes he deserved all that, and that he is undeserving of lwj's unwavering faith

and then i cry

lxc: do you know what this place is?

shot of the entrance to the silence room aka the jingshi aka lwj's room

wwx: i don't

lxc: it's where our mother lived

wwx is hanging off his every word

lxc: you might find it strange that the wife of the clan leader didn't live with her husband in the frigid chamber

with a name like that i wouldn't want to live there either...

lxc: you might know that our father used to isolate himself for years, not caring about anything...

Not even his sons, apparently!

wwx: i do

and he explains that his father isolated himself bc of his mother or whatever

lxc: this place was more of a prison than a home

It was his mother’s prison. When did he figure that out? Was it when HE WAS STILL A KID??

DID HE FEEL GUILTY FOR SPENDING TIME WITH HIS  MOTHER KNOWING SHE WAS LOCKED UP AGAINST HER WILL??

THE LAN FAM IS SO FUCKED UP OMG

now he's telling us the whole tragic love story

it was love at first sight, he says and wwx is like ah yes, a typical romance

and lxc is like, uh no, she didn't love him back and she murdered his teacher, idk why tho

lxc: but i guess it's all about right and wrong, love and hate

Which is a major theme of the whole show, tbh

OH DAMN

now he's telling wwx about how his dad took his mom to cloud recesses and married her against the clan's approval and that he told them that this was the person he would love for a lifetime, that “whoever tried to drive her out would have to go through him first"

DOES ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR TO YOU, WWX?

RINGING ANY (WEDDING) BELLS?

DOES THIS REMIND YOU OF ANYTHING AT ALL, WWX?

"after the wedding my father built this house, and locked my mother up"

lxc says this all so calmly and gently, as if he were reading from a story book rather than reciting his immediate family's history

Which is probably a coping mechanism, tbh

this fam is so fucked up, have i mentioned?

lxc: do you understand why my father did all this?

wwx: *nod*

lxc: and do you think he did the right thing?

wwx: i don't know

well, i mean, he married her and locked her up against her will

granted she did murder someone but i get the feeling she probably had good reason to

and now he's telling wwx that they basically had no parents bc they were given off to others to raise them until they were old enough to attend their uncle's lessons

FLASHBACK TO BABY!LWJ READING TO HIS MAMA FROM A LAN CLAN BOOK

HE'S SO CUTE AND TINY AND HIS MAMA IS SO SOFT AND PRETTY. 

SHE LOOKS AT HIM WITH SUCH LOVE, AND RUNS HER HAND THROUGH HIS HAIR SO GENTLY

lxc makes a point here to say that their mother never complained about her imprisonment or how painful it must've been to be trapped like that

BC THEIR MAMA LOVED THEM

lxc: lwj never said anything, but i knew he looked forward to the day we visited mother every month

HOW AWFUL IS THAT, TO BE RESTRICTED TO ONE DAY A MONTH TO SPEND WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVE???

Lxc: he did (look forward to seeing mom). and so did i.

cut to baby lwj kneeling in the snow, all little and by himself IN FRONT OF THE JINGSHI, AKA HIS MOM’S PRISON AKA PROBABLY HIS FAVORITE PLACE IN ALL THE CLOUD RECESSES

lxc: one day, uncle told us that we didn't need to go there anymore. mother had gone.

I'M GONNA CRY

HE'S SO LITTLE AND SAD AND HE'S KNEELING SO STILL WITH HIS TINY HANDS IN HIS LAP

like even lqr is moved bc he goes and puts a hand on his shoulder

lxc: we were too young to understand what that meant.

lxc: no matter how others consoled us or how uncle scolded him, lwj still came here every month. he would sit on that porch and wait for someone to open the door.

I'M SOBBING

LWJ HAS SPENT HIS WHOLE LIFE WAITING FOR THE PEOPLE HE LOVES

He’s kept himself still and stalwart ever since he was a kid so that if his loved one chose to come back, he’d still be there for them 

I'M HURTING SO MUCH

HE JUST WANTED THEM TO COME BACK AND THINK HE WAS WORTH STAYING FOR. 

GOD I HATE CRYING. I'M A SNOTTY MESS RN

Lxc: when we got older we realized that she would never come back. that no one would ever open the door for him. but he still came.

FUCK

GOD DAMN IT

STOP HURTING ME SO MUCH, WHAT THE HELL

lxc: lwj has always been stubborn since he was very young

lxc: back then, he watched you learn crafty tricks. he didn't say anything, but i knew...that the pain and confusion in his heart was the same as what he felt for our mother

MY GOD, JUST BEAT ME WITH THOSE NIGHTMARE STICKS INSTEAD. THAT WOULD HURT LESS THAN THIS.

wwx's eyes are all red-rimmed and his brow is all pinches and HE JUST SWALLOWED BACK THE LUMP IN HIS THROAT

THE SAME ONE I HAVE RIGHT NOW AS I CRY AND CRY AND CRY

and lxc is like, well, that's enough intense conversation for now, imma do a flute solo

~flute sounds~

and now he's like i tried to persuade lwj before but now that i'm in his shoes it turns out making a decision isn't actually easy to do?? who'd have thought?

oh here comes lwj, all straight-backed and regal as always but no jewelry in his hair! no topknot! he looks so different this way

AND HE HAS TWO JARS OF EMPEROR'S SMILE WITH HIM

AND ~THEIR SONG~ IS PLAYING AGAIN

oh, the way he holds it out to wwx, like an offering at an altar...

cut to inside the jingshi, we get to see him uncap one of the jars and pour a drink out for his soulmate. 

like, the camera is specifically focused on his hands

which, hey, i’ve seen the tags ppl, i know some of you are Into That so take the time to enjoy this

then we get a shot of all of him and he looks so so soft and exposed and vulnerable  here?? with his hair down in his own room, pouring a drink for his wei ying

it's beautiful

wwx walks in and watches as lwj starts to pour himself a cup of tea

THIS IS A LOT. 

~Their Song~ playing sweetly, no other sounds except the quiet clinks of the cups and teapot. And all of lwj’s actions are just...light

wwx: lan zhan…

GOD I JUST WANT TO SCREENCAP THIS WHOLE SCENE

the shot of lwj here, while he’s focused on pouring his tea. 

the way his head is angled and the wisps of his hair frame his face. 

he takes up a good portion of the screen without seeming domineering or forceful, just...peacefully existing in the space

and then we cut back to wwx's face, his mouth open as he takes a breath 

He wants to say something, anything, but you can see on his face that he can't make the words come

Like he doesn’t want to disturb the moment with whatever he was going to say, bc it’s a fragile moment

and then this brief literally-2-seconds shot of lwj to the right, sitting at the table 

the table is set up so beautifully with the jars of emperor's smile and their cups. and he's looking up and the lighting AND AHHHHHH

IT'S JUST A VERY BEAUTIFUL TWO SECONDS AND I'VE STARED AT IT FOR MUCH TOO LONG ALREADY

lwj: what?

and wwx can't even really return his gaze. he looks just as vulnerable here but, unlike lwj, he also looks awkward, like he’s nervous in his vulnerability same ,wwx, same

wwx tries to say thank you but it comes out stuttered and soft while lwj watches him patiently

wwx mumbles to himself "it's awkward to say it out loud" and his eyes flicker back and forth for a second as his mouth pinches, agitated 

BC IT IS MEGA AWKWARD

FEELINGS ARE AWKWARD

AND AS LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS WWX CAN BE, IT'S NEVER ABOUT HIS FEELINGS.

wwx: *clears throat* i mean...the burden on your brother's shoulders is tremendous

smooth transition, wwx, very smooth

but at least it allowed him the chance to sit at the table with lwj

wwx: after all, jgy is his sworn brother. if i were him...

he trails off awkwardly and it feels even MORE awkward bc the background music just ends suddenly and it's silent for us, the audience

lwj doesn't say anything and instead gently moves the cup of wine towards wwx.

once that's done he says "if there's evidence, my brother won't tolerate it."

but he doesn't look at wwx and his face is somber

wwx: that's true. he's got his principles

finally lwj looks at him

lwj: you didn't tell him.

wwx: tell him what?

lwj: about the flute on qiongqi way

wwx: you know about that?

lwj: i asked wen ning. he said he heard a second flute

wwx: i thought i was hearing things until nightless city *insert flashback here*

cut to next scene. wwx is standing just outside the jingshi doors with a jar in his hand as it snows

lwj steps up next to him and ~THEIR SONG~ STARTS PLAYING

they're still talking about the flute and how wwx is confident now that there was a second one used to frame him basically. he's quietly angry here.

lwj immediately says it was jgy but wwx responds with "maybe, maybe not"

lwj looks at him, "you don't want to know the answer?"

bc lwj does. he wants to know who framed his soulmate, causing the suffering that lead to his death

wwx: at first i really wanted to but now i just want to say, 'whatever. screw it!'

he says with a laugh and then takes a swig from his wine jar

wwx put down that wine jar, you've obviously had too much already.

wwx: lan zhan, i actually think whether i know the answer or not won't be of much importance for me. after all, in ppl's minds, the yiling patriarch did bad things. even if i expressed my grievances, people still won't trust me

and he smiles

MY POOR SUNSHINE BOY

He says, "Sometimes the world only needs an excuse or target that everyone can hate"

PAINFULLY TRUE

and then he says something along the lines that it doesn't matter, if he wasn't made the target, someone else would have been

BASICALLY HE'S JUST VERY DISILLUSIONED HERE 

THE WORLD SHOULD FEEL ASHAMED FOR DISAPPOINTING HIM

now we hear the sound of a guqin playing ~Their Song~

lwj at his guqin playing their song to soothe his soulmate

wwx: *voiceover* i was lonely back then. the few who believed in me were dead, wen ning, jyl. Luckily…

and here we get the crescendo of the opening theme as we cut to lwj. 

the voiceover changes from wwx to lwj

lwj: in this world, there is still someone who trust you

I'M HAVING A LOT OF FEELINGS RIGHT NOW

voiceover switches back to wwx and we get a shot of wwx watching lwj play

wwx: lan zhan, i toast to you. i'm glad to have one true friend

SO MANY FEELINGS

and then i get distracted as wwx does that thing where he pours wine into his mouth and spills half of it down his VERY INDECENTLY EXPOSED THROAT

shot of lwj thinking: for nothing else but a clean conscience

shot of wwx thinking: no matter how they slander me, i know i have a clean conscience

EVEN THEIR THOUGHTS ARE IN SYNC OMG

AND ~THEIR SONG~ IS STILL PLAYING BUT NOW IT'S THE GUQIN AND THE FLUTE COMING TOGETHER

wwx gazes tenderly at lwj and whispers: lan zhan. i'm sorry...and thank you

AND WE GET THE ACTORS’ VOCALS ADDED IN TO ~THEIR SONG~ AS LWJ LOOKS UP AND SEES WWX WATCHING HIM

AND I'M HAVING SO MANY FEELINGS

I WOULD LIKE TO GET DISTRACTED BY WWX'S INDECENTLY EXPOSED THROAT AGIAN PLZ

cut to the next day with lxc meditating and our boys hiding behind a privacy screen

lwj is in perfect posture, eyes closed and meditating calmly while wwx keeps listing to the side and jolting awake bc meditating IS FOR NERDS

lol except this time he lists to the opposite side and falls into lwj's shoulder with a cute little gasp

lwj gives him a look and wwx quickly arranges himself into a sloppy lotus pose

jgy walks in and our boys are immediately on alert peeking through the privacy screen 

(which actually isn't all that private. you can see through half of it??)

now we get a moment for lxc and jgy in which jgy returns the jade token and it’s, like, a Thing

BUT WE DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM

LET'S SEE OUR BOYS' REACTION TO WHAT JGY HAS TO SAY

wwx is watching lwj as jgy says something about how they don't have info on lwj and wwx yet and lwj closes his eyes against the news

i think he's upset he's placed his brother in this position...

now we're informed that there are active puppets in the burial mounds

lxc is like, well it can't be wwx bc he was stabbed

and jgy is like he's been stabbed before and controlled puppets alright then!

meanwhile wwx behind the screen scoffs and thinks "they think too highly of me"

also, like, jgy was trying to get lxc to give them up by saying how lwj would be safe bc of his great reputation

Honestly, it really just goes to show that these people don't actually care about your actions. they've made their assumptions and they'll stick to them no matter what and IT'S SUPER FRUSTRATING

plot talk plot talk sworn trio moment plot talk

now lxc is off to carp tower while our boys prepare for a field trip to the burial mounds

LIL APPLE AND THE BUNNIES!!

our boys are by a stream and there's bunnies all over the place and wwx is telling lil apple they're leaving

~THEIR SONG~ STARTS UP AGAIN

AHHHHHHHHH, LOOOK!!! THERE’S TEENY TINY SMILE ON LWJ'S FACE AS HE PUTS DOWN BICHEN TO PICK UP ONE OF THE BUNNIES

EVERYTHING IS ADORABLE

WWX GETS THAT LITTLE MISCHIEVOUS SMILE ON HIS FACE AS HE GOES TO POKE THE BUNNY

AND HE MAKES SILLY NOISES AT IT AND IS ALL INSULTED THAT THE BUNNY DOESN'T REACT

SO CUTE!!

wwx: see? they only like you *pout* they're only loyal to their owner

so lwj wordlessly hands over the bunny BC IF HIS SOULMATE WANTS BUNNIES, HIS SOULMATE IS GETTING BUNNIES

the bunny wriggles and wwx is like "don't try to run. you can never run away from me. stay here bunny!"

IT'S SO CUTE I'M GONNA DIE

HE'S JUST PETTING THE BUNNY ALL OVER AND USING A PLAYFUL VOICE WHILE TALKING TO IT AND EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL

Don’t be jealous of a bunny don’t be jealous of a bunny don’t be jealous of a bunny

wwx looks over to lwj: lan zhan, it's so strange. i know we're going on a dangerous mission but i don't feel scared at all

then he goes back to the bunny and wiggles it around SO CUTELY: do you think it's strange too? what do you think?

AND HE'S GOT THE BIGGEST SMILE

lwj: it's getting late. let's go

wwx: okay *pets bunny* little bunny, we're leaving~

THIS SHOW SHOULD ONLY EVER BE ABOUT BUNNIES, I'VE DECIDED

BUNNIES DON'T HURT ME 

now we cut to them at the entrance of the cloud recesses

lil apple is being stubborn and the bunnies are on the steps

wwx: they hate to see you go.

and wwx looks at lwj all playfully

wwx: i never thought that hanguang jun would be so popular among the little animals

and then he finishes with AN ADORABLE LITTLE POUT: bc i'm not

lwj: why not?

wwx: all little animals regardless of their habitat run when they see me. isn't that right lil apple? *proceeds to bully the donkey*

lwj: *walks off bc he does not condone animal abuse or smth*

wwx: wait for me hanguang jun!!

NOW WE'RE ON A DIRT PATH

LWJ IS HOLDING THE LIL APPLE'S LEAD WHILE WWX RIDES LIL APPLE

HE’S PLAYING HIS FLUTE AND THEN STARTS PLAYING ~THEIR SONG~!!!!

AND LWJ LOOKS TOWARDS HIM HIS EYES ALL TENDER AND FULL OF LOVE

WWX IS SMILING WHILE HE PLAYS

EVERYTHING IS STILL WONDERFUL

LWJ HAS ONE OF HIS ALMOST-SMILES ON HIS FACE

wwx: lan zhan, i wanna know, back in the murder turtle cave, what was the name of the song you sang to me?

lwj: why do you ask?

wwx: just tell me the name. i think i've figured out how you recognized me

wwx: tell me what song it is. who's the composer?

lwj: me

wwx: so you composed it?!

lwj: hm

wwx: what's the name then?

THIS IS SUCH A CAREFREE PLEASANT CONVERSATION AND I LOVE IT

lwj: what do you think?

wwx: you're asking my opinion?

he gets this huge smile on his face and giggles

wwx: i think i'll call it...

lwj: i'm thirsty, let's look for water

IT'S RUDE TO INTERRUPT LWJ

they find a random house and wwx proceeds to steal a melon

but they're interrupted so they hide like the CRIMINALS THEY ARE lol

and we see mr & mrs mianmian with little mianmian!!

mr mianmian is all if you run off again the yiling patriarch will eat you!

little mianmian is like I'M NOT SCARED, mama says the yiling patriarch doesn’t bully good people

and that's how mianmian and her husband and daughter get guaranteed invites to their future wedding

we cut to wwx and lwj 

wwx is nodding enthusiastically like THAT'S RIGHT, I DON'T HURT INNOCENT PEOPLE, IT'S ABOUT TIME THAT'S ACKNOWLEDGED

ohhhhh really liking how mianmian draws her sword and demands the criminals to show themselves

Lol, she's like WHO'S THERE? and wwx literally answers, UM, NO ONE??

lwj purses his lips like, really?? and comes out of hiding

Mianmian is shocked to find hanguang jun hiding on her property obvs, but is also excited to recognize wwx

wwx: *internally* why does this lady know me?? did she have a problem with me or did i provoke her??

then wwx recognizes her!! he's very excited about it!

and we end the episode on a high note there!!

We get to see the only functional, happy (and alive) marriage in the entire cultivation world!!

And yeah, we got our hearts torn out by kid!lwj but we were rewarded with soft domesticity AND bunnies right after!!!

Overall good quality wangxiantics

Return to Masterpost

#WangXiantics #wangxian #the untamed #cql

[hermannsthumb]

As per our twitter convo: Newt asking Hermann to help him take nudes for his current bf and “forgetting” to mention they’ve broken up...

THIS ONE IS FUN sorry they dont get laid until off screen at the end 😔 hard m, but still, 18+/not sfw

-----------------------------------

“So, uh,” Newton says, “this really isn’t what it looks like.”

Newton’s protests would be far more convincing if he took his hand out of his trousers first. As it is, Hermann can’t help but assume that the opposite--that it is, in fact, exactly what it looks like--is true. It’s to the credit of the sheer number of times Hermann’s walked in on Newton engaging in questionable acts that he doesn’t turn heel and march right back out of the lab but, instead, settles in wearily at his desk.

“What is it this time, then?” he says.

Newton tugs his hand from beneath his waistband, cell phone (curiously enough) in tow. “I’m taking a picture of my junk,” he says.

“Are you,” Hermann says.

“No, really,” Newton says. “I am!” Then he grins. “I’m seeing someone.”

This, at least, is not news to Hermann. Around two months ago, Newton began cutting out of work early three nights out of the week and coming back each following morning suspiciously ill-rested and in wrinkled clothing. When pressed, he admitted to Hermann--eventually--that he had begun dating again. (“Nothing serious,” he said. “A few guys. It’s just--I need an outlet, y’know? A sex kind of outlet?” “Yes, Newton, I understand,” Hermann snapped. He hadn’t said what he really wanted to say, which was I could be that for you. An admission like that was far too desperate. As it was, he merely proceeded to spend the next few weeks simmering with jealousy and fervently hoping Newton’s mystery man of the night would walk off a cliff.)

“Another one?” Hermann says.

Newton had begun dating again, but that did not necessarily mean the dates were going well. He cycled through them faster than he did pairs of socks. (The last one had kicked him out before they even surpassed “second base,” Newton admitted to Hermann sadly, because Newton couldn’t stop giggling over a joke he’d heard earlier in the day.) “Yes, another one,” Newton says. “He’s really cool, Hermann. Super dreamy. Brown eyes--a smile that--”

“Very fascinating, Newton, I’m sure,” Hermann interrupts, unable to help himself from bristling. He is not going to sit idly by and listen to Newton describe--well--effectively his romantic rival. “Unfortunately, I have a great deal of work to do today and I can’t stop to talk.” He grabs a random stack of documents and begins to scrawl across them blindly.

Newton is silent for an unsettling amount of time. Hermann looks up to find he’s jammed his mobile down his trousers once more.

“Newton,” he says.

“I just can’t get a good angle,” Newton huffs, marching over to Hermann’s side. “It’s all turning out blurry. Look!”

He thrusts his mobile up in front of Hermann’s face before Hermann can even contemplate averting his eyes, treating Hermann to an--indeed--very blurry photograph of what appears to be his genitalia. In all the times Hermann fantasized about being face-to-face with that particular part of Newton’s anatomy, he can’t say this is how he expected it to happen; yet, at the same time, he’s not surprised. It was bound to either be something like this or a lab shower incident.

Hermann pushes the phone aside with the tip of his index finger. “I see,” he says.

It’s is shoved back under his nose. “Do you think this is sexy?” Newton says.

Hermann says nothing, though the answer would’ve been yes. Newton could show him a photograph of his left pinky and Hermann’s lonely, sex-starved, Newton-infatuated brain could twist it into something dazzlingly erotic. He thinks if he were on the receiving end of the picture on Newton’s phone his brain might fizzle into nothing and melt out from his ears. He thinks he’s close to it now.

Newton shakes his phone. “Help me, dude!”

“I don’t bloody know,” Hermann finally snaps, once he remembers how to speak. “I don’t know why you want my help, or how I’m meant to be helping in the first place--do you want me to take the damned photographs for you?”

This, as it turns out, is precisely the wrong thing to say.

Exactly one hour later, Hermann finds himself in Newton’s bunk, holding Newton’s beat-up iPhone, as Newton attempts to wriggle out of his impossibly tight skinny jeans. His button-down has already met a similar fate, and it lays--crumpled--in the corner by his boots and socks. “You ought to know,” Hermann says, “that wasn’t an offer.”

(You’re my best friend, Newton said. I trust you more than anyone, Newton said. It’s what lab partners are for, Newton said. I really want to get laid, Newton said. Can you help me take my shirt off? Newton said.)

“It’ll be real fast,” Newton says. “And so much easier with an audience. You can tell me what works and what doesn’t, get better angles... Boxers on or off?”

Oh, bugger, Hermann thinks miserably. “Er. Whatever you prefer.”

“Off,” Newton says.

His boxers have small frogs on them, and they end up in the pile with his jeans and button-down after a few more minutes of strategic hopping. Then Newton spreads his arms wide and beams proudly. “Alright, cool! Picture time!”

“You can’t really expect to seduce anyone like that,” Hermann says to the wall to Newton’s left.

Newton’s arms fall to his side. From the corner of his eye, Hermann sees him pout. “I can’t?”

“No,” Hermann says, and--with a sigh--caves in and looks fully at Newton. His tattoos go all the way down. Not that that helps Hermann in any way. “The lighting is terrible. You have rubbish everywhere. And--you ought to be lying down, not standing like that. And--here--”

Hermann thrusts Newton’s phone back at him and proceeds to clatter around his bunk, making it as presentable as any living space of Newton Geiszler could possibly be without severe intervention. Newton’s dirty laundry is shoved out of sight under his bed with the aid of Hermann’s cane; the overhead fluorescent light switched off and replaced with the warm glow of Newton’s bedside lamp; the crumpled paper and crushed energy drink cans littering Newton’s desk tipped into the trashcan; Newton himself pushed back on his bed, soft thighs splayed open, mouth parted in mild surprise, gaze wide and eager behind his crooked glasses and focused in on Hermann. “Am I good now?” he says.

Oh, someone help Hermann. “Yes,” he croaks. “Ah--back against your pillows. And--your hands--ah, however you’d like them.”

Hermann’s mouth is dry as cotton and his hands are shaking as badly as anything as he takes a series of pictures of Newton, each one--somehow--more tantalizing than the last: Newton winking, Newton with his hands on his thighs, Newton on his stomach with his arse in the air, Newton with his hand around--

Hermann drops the phone, and it clatters to the ground. Newton sits up quickly. “Sorry,” he says, noticeably pink in the face. “Too much?”

“No,” Hermann stammers. “It’s whatever you--your date--would like. I merely--wasn’t expecting it. No, don’t get up!” He bends over and snatches up the phone before Newton can get to his feet. He doesn’t want to chance getting too close to a naked Newton (unsure of what he’d do, frankly), or chance Newton getting too close to him and discovering that Hermann’s trousers are doing a rather poor job of disguising his interest in the proceedings. Hermann might be able to explain it away by blaming simple gut instincts to seeing a nude, moderately attractive man sprawled about in front of him (as Newton, after all, is sporting an obvious arousal himself, likewise something to be blamed on being on display), but he’d rather not.

Newton shrugs and begins to rummage around in a drawer next to his bed. “Okay,” he says, “pink or sparkly, you pick.”

“Pink?” Hermann says, furrowing his brow. Is it lingerie? Some fancy underwear? Newton’s never struck him as the sort to tress himself up in bows.

It turns out it’s neither. “Good choice,” Newton says, and presents a garish, rather intimidating hot pink dildo to Hermann. “It’s easier to suck on.”

“Oh,” Hermann squeaks.

Newton insists on introducing props into their photo shoot (he calls it) after that, and it’s not until Hermann takes a third shot of a lab coat-clad Newton sucking away at an esoterically shaped sex toy that Newton finally stops and declares it a night. And just in time at that. If Hermann doesn’t readjust his trousers soon, he may lose circulation to the lower half of his body.

Newton presses Hermann’s hand with far more sincerity than circumstances call for when he stands to retrieve his mobile phone. “You’ve been a huge help,” he tells Hermann, grinning and beaming up at him. At least he’s left the lab coat on: Hermann might’ve keeled over entirely if a fully nude Newton got this close to him. As it is he merely wobbles, something which he hides easily by shifting more of his weight to his cane. “Seriously,” Newton continues, “these are exactly what I wanted. He’s gonna love them.” 

“Very good,” Hermann says. He nods stiffly. “I hope they work.”

“I have a good feeling they will,” Newton says.

Hermann has a very satisfying wank-off session in his bunk afterwards. As he lays there, sweat cooling on his skin, breathing slowly calming down, and the image of a labcoat-clad Newton cupping himself burned permanently into his retinas, he’s surprised to hear his mobile go off on his bedside table. Approximately two people ever attempt to contact him through it--his sister, and Newton--and he can’t imagine why either of them would need him right now.

It’s Newton, as it turns out. More specifically--it’s Newton’s nudes. He’s attached a small winking emoticon at the end of the series of pictures. Then (as Hermann stares at his phone, and the night’s handiwork, in disbelief), a moment later, my bunk?

Oh, how mortifying--Newton must’ve meant to send them to his mystery date. At least it was Hermann he sent them to and not someone else. Newton, it’s me, Hermann replies. Hermann.

i know ;) Newton replies.

Oh.

Hermann does up his trousers and stumbles out the doorway.

#newmann #maria's fanfiction tag #not sfw /////// #Anonymous

[sondpyo]

𝙮𝙤𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙖𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙗𝙤𝙮𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙

a/n: y’all this is literally my first writing :// sorry ig it’s shitty oop whatever I will do a x1 boyfriend line just bcs i really want a bf rn and x1 are my emotional support kpop boys 🥺 iF you have requests then please just request !!!!! 🤭 whatevs have fun reading this and stream flash 😎

warnings: ,,,,cursing

yohan

yes

he looks really intimidating ngl and his taekwondo shit doesn’t make it better

but like,,, he’s a baby ????

he also likes to be babied u cant tell me shit like hug him, kiss him, pinch his cheeKS MAKE HIM FEEL LOVED

but before

let’s go back to where it all started : )

you and yohan actually met in a coffee shop u were working at

so one day this like tall dude came in and ordered an americano with some typa cake idk honestly

and hes like sitting down

and thats when he saw YOU

he immediately went 👀

you were casually picking up some cups and plates customers have left on the tables

and like u just felt someone was looking at you you just did

so you turned around

sUPRISE

yohan was still like 👀

so you were like ???why that mf staring at me???

his brain took about 10 seconds to process that u were staring back so it went ABORT MISSION !

he turned around quickly

you furrowed ur brows and just shrugged it off like u see weird people walking in here daily

but he was kinda cute tho,,, and u don’t see cute weirdos walk in here daily

when u went back to the counter ur co worker was like bring that shit to that guy

and u were looking at THAT guy

sUPRISE 2.0 it was yohan

so you went there and gave him his things

thats when

„ so do you come here often. ????"

„sir I work here"

„oh"

so you were just like "do you need anything else?"

and he got really shy after saying that so he just answered with a no, thank u and turned around in embarrassment

and a little smile creeped up ur lips

because he was CUTE cute

but you were kinda shy too so whAT SHOULD YOU DO

so you just left

yea

he visited the shop more often

thats when you found out he actually goes to the same college as you

so u were both talking and he finally asked for ur number

this leads to date nr. 1

absolute chaos

he wanted to actually take you out in a fancy restaurant but they somehow didn’t have his name on the guest list

so y’all went outside and it actually started raining

so yall ran to his car

and just when yohan thought he literally fucked up everything

you started smiling

and he was like huh ???

so you were like

"well ur plan didn’t go that well I guess"

he scoffed and put both of his hands onto the steering wheel

he was really confused at first but then thought that you were making fun of him which u kinda were but he doesn’t have to know 🤡

but then you suddenly said "how about we buy a family pizza and go watch a movie or something“ and nudged his shoulder with your ellbow

you know he wanted the date to be perfect and that he was probably sad it didn’t go well

and that kinda touched you because he was really trying hard

after that date you unfortunately went on another and on another and on another one

and you were slowly falling for him and his charms

not only was he opening up to you a lot

showing his funny and entertaining side

he also started realizing that he didn’t have to hide his true self from you

like he wanted to tell you a dad joke? he justfucking went for it

since then he decided

that ur his wifey 😎

so y’all have been dating for 2 years now

and in those 2 years you learned a lot about yohan

boi is shy but loves skinship

cuddling in each and every second? yes

u want a kiss? lmAo here you have 100

like he just loves showering you with love

and showering with you (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

( i sincerely apologize )

ne wa ys

he really likes holding your hand

and he has that habit of playing with ur fingers when he’s nervous

at first you weren’t like used to so much skinship

but over the years it just kinda grew on you and you were just like meh

and he loves teasing you about your height and everything

he just has to put things onto the highest shelf just so he can watch you struggle

he also loves saying things to you infront of his friend just to make you blush and watch you hide in embarrassment

well,,,, his friends

your biggest enemy is hyeongjun

one of yohan‘s best friends

it’s just an ongoing fight between you two about his attention

„listen her u poodle ass looking rat, yohan is MY boyfriend"

„who are you calling poodle ass rat you look like a recycled tana mongeau"

and ur both like 😡😡😡

so yohan is usually like don’t fight,,,,enough yohan for everyone 😎

and you‘re literally like you can keep him hyeongjun

((you and hyeongjun are actually really good friends don’t worry))

soooo

yohan also loves to give neck kisses

if your neck is in sight

hes like mwah 👄

and you act like you don’t like thEm

but we all know you do

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

the only thing is that whenever your hanging out with his friend group and he does that

everyone goes like we haAVE MINORS IN HERE

because strangely one of his friends is a 14 year old tall ass bitch that’s still going through puberty ((dohyon why u so tALL))

but friendship has no age I guess ???

he always goes to his hyungs for advice tho because what kinda advice will he get from some kids going through puberty

eunsang in the back: 😤

and seungwoo always helps him with his situations

while seungyoun just says stuff like smaSh Her !

yes seungyoun sweetie ur doing amazing

you both fighted once

where u realized that he actually looks really intimidating like you were genuinely scared of him for a second

and you‘re both kinda hot headed

so it turned out with him taking his jacket and leaving your apartment

yes,,,, a mess

you dIDNT talk to each other for two days until you phone dinged

and you were like !!!

but

hyeongjun🤥: why y’all ain’t talking

and you told him and he’s like you should just go to him like this bitch is dumb we been knew and for the first time ever you bonded with hyeongjun

so you pressed the button of his doorbell

and yohan opened the door looking all sad

he expected his food to be here

but then he saw you and he just hugged you like honestly ???? he missed you :(

so fighting with him usually lays down after 1-3 days

depends

okay but

yohan is a really good listener

like hes a jokster and everything

but when you‘re sad or upset and need to talk to someone he’s always there for you

it doesn’t matter if it‘s about a test you failed or even about the girl in your class that always gives you deadly looks

like when ur sad he usually just caresses your head/hair

and he tries make you laugh again

because he hates seeing you like that,,,you‘re his baby >:( he doesn’t want you to be sad

he eventually also buys food because he just knows that food calms you down the most

so when ur happier shoving down food ur throat than u were in his arms hes like :[ (y’all know that face)

whatevs

you and yohan have a healthy relationship

and you appreciate it a lot

because he isn’t only your boyfriend but also your best friends

so that mEanS pyjAMA PARTIES HELL YE

usually you both just chill on the coach with your pjs on and you put a face mask onto his face

„this thing burns"

„don’t be a pussy"

„you‘re literally putting acid on my face and you‘re telling me I shouldn’t be a pussy“

u usually watch Netflix after

well only you

becAUSE your beloved boyfriend is always trying to get your attention with either whining or kissing you

and sometimes he just succeeds

like the few pecks turn into making oUt

and the making oUt leads to

we all know what

the netflix movie is forgotten by now sorry sweetie

since sometimes both of you are too lazy to go to ur bed bcs ur busy duH? u fall asleep on the couch so often you both wake up in the next morning by either you or yohan falling off it eventually

i don’t make the rules, gravity does

we should come to an end

yohan is a really protective boyfriend

and he would use his taekwondo skills on anyone and everyone that comes near you

well

only when he senses danger and shit bcs he can’t just double turn fly kick hangyul away just bcs he wanted to greet you with a hug

but yes: very protective

loves you

he really does

he doesn’t care about any girl walking past him except junho but that’s another story // like his eyes are always on you and you only + junho 👀

people envy your relationship a lot

mostly girls watching him taking care of you so well

becAUSE he does care about you a lot

so be dAmn grateful

becAUSE yohan is a once in a lifetime man

and he eventually even hopes to marry you one day

so 🥺🥺🥺🥺

#x1 #x1 imagines #x1 scenarios #x1 au #x1 yohan #x1 imagine #x1 seungyoun #x1 seungwoo #x1 eunsang #x1 fluff #x1 hyeongjun

[corie-the-writer]

Fists Talk

Billy Hope had been training in the gym non stop for the past week, since he had an upcoming fight. He couldn't believe that he had finally talked Y/N into coming along with him, something he had been practically begging her for their entire relationship. 

Punching at the bag, Billy glanced towards Y/N who was in her work-out gear, with her hands taped up, hitting a punching bag across the gym, and a proud smirk was on Billy's face. He had told her that she needed to learn to defend herself, and her response was, "Why do I need to defend myself when I have you?" causing Billy to laugh to himself. 

The boxer looked back to his girlfriend of nearly two years, and noticed that another boxer was near Y/N, causing Billy to furrow his eyebrows to see if he could tell what the man was saying to her. Billy noticed how the man was standing, and then noticed the man showing Y/N how to punch the punching bag, incorrectly, causing Billy to roll his eyes. 

Just as Billy was finishing up his time at the punching bag, he decided to head over to his girlfriend, unwrapping his hands as he approached. 

"Hey baby..." Billy spoke and leaned down to kiss Y/N, clearly marking his territory, causing Y/N to grin a little, and then Billy turned to the man, "Billy Hope." Billy introduced himself, and the man gave a nod, "I saw you were teaching my girl how to punch.." Billy commented, "If you're gonna teach her, at least make sure it's right." 

"Billy..." Y/N scolded lightly, smacking at Billy's stomach.

"What? It's true. He had the form all wrong." Billy began to explain and Y/N cut him off. 

"It was nice to meet you." Y/N stated, and began to pull Billy away from the man, and even though Billy allowed you to pull away, Billy kept looking over his shoulder at the man. Billy stopped you from walking into the women's locker room, and cupped the curve of your neck and leaned down to kiss you, taking your breath away. 

"I'll see you in a few." Billy smiled causing you to let out a small laugh and disappeared into the locker rooms. 

As Billy was getting dressed, he couldn't believe how in love he was with Y/N. Even though Y/N was considered out of his league, he couldn't have been happier. She was everything he had ever wanted. She was loyal, caring, compassionate, funny, she was his ride or die. It didn't matter what he had been through growing up or where he came from, Y/N never once judged him. Walking out of the locker room with his gym bag over his shoulder, Billy began to look for the love of his life, and noticed the familiar hair color near the drink area and spotted the man talking to her, causing him to roll his eyes as he approached his girlfriend. 

Y/N silently groaned as the man approached her again as she was waiting on Billy, and couldn't find it in her heart to be down right rude, considering he went to the same gym as Billy, and didn't want it to be awkward for anyone. 

"You ready to go?" Billy approached causing Y/N to sigh in relief as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, completely ignoring the man in front of her. 

"Marcus, it was nice chatting with you, but if you'll excuse us..." Y/N began to comment and Billy pulled her away before she could finish, causing Y/N to let out a small laugh at her boyfriend's actions, "I was trying to be nice Billy." 

[X]

Later in the week, Billy and Y/N found themselves in a local club with their entire circle of friends. Even though it wasn't their scene, they had promised their friends that they would make an appearance for a birthday party. Billy's eyes stayed glued to Y/N as she moved on the dance floor with her best friend Y/BF/N, making sure that she was being left alone by any other males. It was something that Y/N was use to, since Billy had been extremely protective of her from the moment they had met. 

"Hey, that Marcus dude just showed up." Billy turned his attention to his friend sitting next to him, and Billy sat up a little straighter in his seat. 

Marcus had been coming on to Y/N all week at the gym, not getting the hint that she was off the market, but it seemed to not phase Marcus at all. Billy had noticed that Marcus had tried to corner his girlfriend a few times, but he had always walked in before something happened. It didn't sit well with the boxer, how close the man was trying to get to Y/N, but Billy had promised that he wouldn't do something until a line was crossed, so he didn't jeopardize his upcoming fight. 

"Keep your eyes on him. He goes anywhere near her, tell me." Billy instructed, knowing that his group of friends protected Y/N just as much as he did, and thought of her as a sister. 

"You got it boss." [X]

Y/N had been dancing with her best friend and noticed that she began to smile, causing her to raise an eyebrow, "Your man is coming." Y/BF/N commented, causing Y/N to turn around to see Billy approaching. 

Without hesitation, Y/N wrapped her arms around Billy's neck, as his arms wrapped around her waist, and began to slowly dance, not caring that there were no slow songs playing. Billy brushed his hand down Y/N's hair and leaned down to kiss her. 

"I love you." 

"I love you too handsome." 

Billy pulled Y/N closer to her, allowing her to rest her head against his chest as they continued to dance slowly around everyone who was grinding to the hiphop music blaring over the speakers. 

As Billy was holding Y/N close to him, he noticed a set of eyes on them from across the room causing him to look around to see Marcus staring directly at them while drinking a glass of whiskey.

[X]

"Baby, come on..." Y/N giggled as she tugged on Billy's hand from where he was sitting, trying to convince him to sneak off to the bathroom with her for a quickie, causing him to laugh and finish off his beer. 

"We're going to head home." Billy announced, knowing that Y/N had a few too many drinks, stood up, and then looked to his boys, to see a couple of them saying they will follow them out, "Babe, put your jacket on." Billy held open Y/N's favorite jacket and watched as she slipped her arms into the sleeves. 

Y/N grabbed ahold of his shirt and pulled him closer to her, "You're so hot." 

Billy chuckled, "And you're so drunk."

Y/N playfully scoffed as Billy and the boys grabbed their jackets, and once everyone was ready, Billy wrapped an arm around Y/N's shoulder and they headed towards the exit. 

Once the cool air hit their faces, Billy smiled as Y/N moved a little closer to Billy's side, causing him to tighten his arm just a little more. 

"Yo, Hope!" Billy heard an unfamiliar voice over his boys talking and laughing about the night, causing him to look around. Billy noticed a figure with a few others standing around a vehicle a few feet ahead of them, and Billy moved Y/N to his other side, between him and one of his friends, "Damn Y/N...you're looking good." 

Marcus. 

Billy dropped his arm from Y/N's shoulders, moving his hand to hold hers. Billy was on high alert, knowing that Marcus had been drinking a lot of whiskey this evening, since he had been keeping an eye on the man.

"Just ignore him." Billy commented lowly to Y/N but to himself as well. 

"Hey Billy..." Marcus approached them, with a beer bottle in hand, and Billy pushed Y/N behind him, their group of friends pushing her further back, knowing that Marcus had some sort of thing for the happily taken woman, "Aw what's wrong? Afraid she'll see what a real man looks like?" Marcus questioned cockily. 

"Oh trust me, he's man enough." Y/N pushed her way through the group of friends shielding her and stood by Billy's side, "Why don't you take some lessons on how to be a man, and how to box." Y/N added causing everyone to let out a laugh causing Billy to glance down to her and smirk. 

Billy turned to Marcus when he took a step closer, and watched as he finished off his beer and tossed the bottle to the side causing the bottle to break on the pavement. 

"What's a woman like you doing with someone like him?" Marcus questioned to Y/N causing Billy to take a step forward, and felt Y/N's hand on his forearm. Y/N moved forward with Billy following, and their group of friends moving a step closer, causing Marcus to let out a laugh, "I don't think we have all night for me to listen the reasons, but a few clear points that should be known...One, he respects women, including me. Two, he's phenomenal in bed and in the ring." Y/N smirked, "Three, he knows how to throw a solid punch." Y/N added knowing that it was a dig for how he tried to teach her how to punch the punching bag at the gym, "He also knows how to take a hint when someone is interested in him." Another jab, Y/N turned to look to Billy, "You ready to go home champ?" Billy gave a nod, getting ready to wrap an arm around Y/N's shoulder but saw Marcus' hand reach for her, and he quickly pushed his arm away. 

"Don't." Billy warned the man, getting in his face, "Take her to the car." Billy stated to any one of his friends behind him, and heard Y/N protest. 

"What's wrong champ?" Marcus smirked, "I'm sure I can show her a real good time." Marcus added, using his free hand to grab ahold of his jean covered crotch, and without a second thought, Billy lifted his right arm, and connected his fist to Marcus' jaw. 

In a matter of seconds, all hell broke loose, Billy was landing punches to Marcus, who was barely blocking them. His friends tried to step in but Billy's friends stepped up, causing them to back down. 

Y/N knew that Billy had a temper, and knew that he needed to get this out since he had been holding it in for the last week while Marcus had been trying like hell to get her attention at the gym, despite her relationship with Billy. 

Once Marcus was on the ground, Y/N moved forward and put a hand on his shoulder, "Enough Billy." Y/N spoke calmly, now completely sober, and watched as Billy landed one final punch before removing himself and standing up. 

Billy straightened out his jacket, and moved towards Y/N and saw her give a nod, "Take me home and show me what a real man is." Y/N grinned from ear to ear causing Billy to let out a laugh as he threw his arm around her shoulders.

#billy hope x reader #jake gyllenhaal #anon request

[toxicxxmyth]

Dating Christopher Vélez headcanon

Authors Note: Don’t know if I rlly have to mention this but I called Chris a fuckboy in this like 20+ times so don’t be offended m8 and just like Richards, this is all over the place

Richard‘s headcanon

Christopher has mentioned many many MANY times that he is not looking for a relationship

My man is getting that good good PussAy ;))))))

And he ain’t looking for no commitment :(:

We stan a fuck boy ;)

So it probably took him like three encounters to notice you

The first time was at a house party and y’all talked for like five seconds and then went your separate ways

You remember him

He didn’t even remember your hair color lol

The second time was also at a party

You were looking for your car keys but you spotted the cute guy you talked to for like a second

So you asked if he’d seen your keys like a fkn dumbass

And he was like “nah m8 😔”

And you were like “aight 🤘😔”

And he thought you were hot so that’s a start

Then the third time was also another party

And then y’all saw each other again and made a convo this time

He for sure remember you this time cause he wasn’t as tipsy as before

Lol

So that’s how y’all met

But just like Richard

It took this boy a long time to actually get his shit together and be like

“I actually like this girl”

Ya feel?

But you already liked him

But you understood his position

You were actually grateful that he didn’t just agree to go out with you if he wasn’t certain about you

It saved you the heart break

But after many MANY months

He gave in, and he was grateful for your patience

Anywhore

Now to the headcanon of dating the Ecuadorian fuck boy who we love

There is never a day where you’re bored

He’s always got something planned for the day

Lazy days are superior tho

His laugh could cure your acne, sadness’s and anxiety

Thank God he laughs every damn day

HE WILL FOR SURE TEACH YOU HOW TO SKATEBOARD

And if you already know how to skateboard then y’all will ride together like actual goals

He goes all out when it comes to dates

Will take you to the most expensive restaurants in the area

For sure will buy you a fancy ass dress

I highly believe that out of all the members he’s the one who’ll spoil you the most

Like fuck

It’s a lot

When he’s away on tour he’ll have a bIG ASS bouquet of flowers sent to you or chocolate

Will surprise you jewelry, food, clothes aNYTHING

you’ll have to remind him that he doesn’t have to do any of that but he insists on doing them bc he loves spoiling you sm

Yet when you return the favor by buying him something small he’s all like

“:0 thIS IS TOO MUCH, AMOR”

and you’re like “???? Khe ???”

For sure will teach you Spanish if you don’t already

Staring by cuss words ofc :’)

Whenever y’all go to the club he always comes up to you like you’re a stranger or smth

“I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?” ;)

“ChRisssss”

He’d try this the whole night making random guys come to your “rescue”

Chris is laughing his ass off while you calmly tell them that it’s just your bf

He doesn’t seem to be the jealous type

He’s v confident that u love him and only him

Which is true

It takes a lot in him to get jealous

But when he does

OOFFF

You better be scared

He never takes it out on you, just the guy who seemed to cross a boundary that Chris drew in his imagination

You’re the one who gets jealous easily for sure

SO MANY PRETTY FEMALES THROWING THEMSELVES ON HIM MAKES YOU SEE RED

But he always shows you that you’re the only one he wants if you know what I mean ;)

Honestly, y’all don’t even cook, just order a shit ton of food while watching movies or the both of you just work on your individual projects

If you ever get stressed over work or a project from uni hes always there

Softly rubbing your shoulder as he presses kisses soft kisses along the shell of your ear sending shiver down your spine as you relaax

It might lead to ;) or it could end in you cuddling until you get your mojo back

The sEX is bOmB bTw ;))))))))

Like, this dude is so into overstimulation and subspace that he’ll have you c*mmimg multiple times a night :):

Ooff

Edging is suCH a big turn on for this boy

Y’all fuck like rabbits no doubt

Public sEx is definitely HIS thing

Expect a quickie after each show in his dressing room when you visit him on tour ;)

Anything you do is such a turn on for him

You literally make him feel like a hormonal teenager again

I’m 92% sure this boy will cry one tour bc he misses you sm

Which leads you to surprising him on the other side of the world

Which he is super grateful for :’)

And then y’all have some bomb sex cause y’all a bunch of sex addicts m8

Whenever he feels down he just rests his head on your boobs and wrap his long arms around your body

You let him rant as much as he wants

And somehow you know whether or not he wants advice or just someone to listen

vice versa

Now imma be 100% honest

Don’t @ me

I feel like it’ll take such a long time for Chris’s mother to actually like you

He’s such a mommas boy that just seeing him with another woman might make her skeptical

Ooff I’m crossing dangerous grounds here

He’s siblings and grandmother automatically loved you, but his mother was distant

Christopher has to have a heartfelt conversation with her about it beCAUSE HE LOVES YOU SM AND HE NEEDS THE WOMAN OF HIS LIFE TO ACCEPT THAT

This lowkey makes you feel like an intruder

You feel as if you’re ruining their relationship

But you’ll also have a heartfelt convo with her and at the end of the day y’all would get along once she sees how much you love and care for her son

It probably took a year for y’all to move in together

But when you do, y’all have even more fun and adventures than before

Y’all goals asf

Most of his ig stories are about you

Videos, promoting your posts etc the whole package deal

Subtle matching tattoos

You say “I love you” first and he’s all blushy and giggle which makes you all bullishly and giggly as well :’)

And y’all just make love as he repeats the words and over and over :’)

He always has his hands around your shoulder

Pulling you closer at the most random times

HUGS EVERYWHERE MAN

Omfg this man smells like christmas heaven

Just like his mom, your family wasn’t certain about him first

And by your family i mean your dad(or male figure if you’re dadless :’)

Making him sad

But you’ll do your best to convince you dad that he is a good guy wHICH HE IS!!!!

After a while, he gave Chris a shot

And that’s all you ask for Tbfh

Will subtly mention you in interviews which would cause the guys to give each other knowing stares

Just Like Richard, you receive hate after hate

BUT YALL FICKING TOO HARD TO NOTICE!!

It sometimes gets to you but Chris is always there to comfort you

Making you go all uwu

He goes full mom mode whenever you get sick

Will google your symptoms

Lowkey has a mental breakdown when google tells him that you only have two weeks to live lol

He later calls his mom and she tells him what he should do

Will try to help you with your work but he just gives you a look and gives tf up

Soft hours late at night

You guys talk about your future and marriage and kids and it just lives you all soft and warm inside

Little did you know that he feels the exact same

You’d be in his arms slightly leaning against the headboard as your dress hands play with each other fingers talking about nothing and everything

Sings to you whenever you have trouble sleeping

THE GUYS LOVE YOU

Did I mention that? Lol

Just like any new friendship

Y’all were awkward at first but after a few minutes of getting to know each other they all loved you

Especially Erick, that boy is your child and you will protect him from any danger in the world lmao

That’s it my ppl :’)

Deuces once again :’)🤙🏼

#cnco headcanon #cnco imagine #cnco fanfic #cnco x reader #cnco one shot #cnco imagines #christopher velez #christopher velez imagine #christopher velez headcanon

[shhh-no-ones-home]

things that make you... miw x reader

+++++++++

Request from @ryansitkowskiswifey

"May I have a request for the reader just broke up with their gf/bf and MIW are there to support the reader and try to get their mind off of it like the sweethearts that they are?"

Reader got broke up with not the other way around but it's still cute I promise lol, also the game of things is fantastic and everyone should check it out.

thanks again for requesting!

Song: play with me by extreme

tag list: @thisplace-ishaunted @alilpunkrock @theoneandonlykymberlee

+++++++++

I sat on the couch in the studio and huffed. I just didn't feel like me anymore. I had been moping around for two weeks trying to make myself feel better but everything made me think of them. I had been dumped over something stupid and they wouldn't even let me try to win them back. I just wanted to hug my baby again. I looked up at Ryan as he walked in the room.

"Why am I here again?"

I said and he paused, trying to think.

"We wanted you to come hang out."

I slouched forward.

"So we aren't writing today?"

He shook his head.

"Of course not. You feel like shit, why would we do that?"

I shrugged, watching Vinny and Ricky and Justin all walk in the room.

"Chris not coming?"

I asked but no one answered as Chris came in with a stack of board and card games. I raised a brow.

"Okay?"

He plopped them on the floor in front of me and sat down behind them.

"Pick one."

He said and I looked around at everyone else, them moving around and getting comfortable on the floor too.

"You did not call me here to play games."

Chris nodded.

"Oh yes we did."

"We're gonna make you feel better."

Vinny smiled widely at me. I sighed.

"Okay, then what do you all wanna play?"

I scooted off the edge of the couch and sat on the floor like the rest of them. Chris looked around at everyone.

"Anyone got any preferences?"

Justin leaned back to look at the stack.

"How about things?"

I sent him a confused look.

"What the hell is things?"

Chris pulled it out from the bottom of the stack, handing each person a different box.

"It's like cards against humanity but you write your answers."

He opened the box and handed out pencils to each of us as well as the little serrated papers with the things logo on them. Ryan cleared his throat.

"Okay, so you pick a card, you read it, and then you have to write down what you think goes with the card. Then we all fold them up and give them to the card czar, that person reads them out loud and we all agree on which one we like best but they have the ultimate decision, given that they can write an answer too. Once we figure out the winner the card czar has to try and figure out who wrote what and hand the papers back"

I nodded.

"Okay, that doesn't sound too hard."

Ricky started shuffling the cards.

"I'll go first and then we can move in a circle."

He set the stack in the middle of all of us and pulled the first card.

"Things you wouldn't want your grandma to find."

I laughed a little. This was gonna be wild. I wrote my answer and folded it up, placing it in front of Ricky. Everyone else was kind of thinking and writing still. When everyone had theirs turned in he shuffled them around and started reading them. He laughed at the first one.

"My weed stash."

He shook his head.

"Okay vin."

Vinny just shrugged.

"How do you know it's me?"

Rick sent him a look and I laughed.

"Who else would it be?"

"Okay, just keep reading."

We all turned our attention back to Ricky as he unfolded another.

"My altar."

He looked around at all of us.

"Okay, I see you y/n. Supe conservative grandma wouldn't like having a witch in the family."

I shrugged.

"Guess that was kinda easy huh?"

He laughed a little.

"But that's okay, it works for you."

He picked up another one.

"Okay who did this one?"

He had a look like 'really?' on his features.

"My porn stash?"

We all laughed.

"Guess you'll just have to guess."

Vinny said snarkily. Rick rolled his eyes and kept going.

"Yeah this one's better. I wouldn't want my grandma to find my sex toy collection."

He rolled his eyes and picked up another paper as we all tried not to laugh at his reaction.

"Okay. This one says my journal."

We all ooo-ed at that one, looking over at Ryan.

"What?"

He said defensively. Ricky shook his head and picked up the last one.

"And we wouldn't want grandma to find out browser history."

I shook my head.

"Okay Rick, who's is who's?"

He laid them out in front of him sliding the altar one to me and the weed one to Vinny.

"Oh wait, Which is the winner?"

Chris piped up and Ricky stroked his chin. He hummed.

"I think the browser history one."

We all laughed and Justin snatched the paper off the ground as well as the things card.

"Thanks, I appreciate that."

Then Ricky and Chris both looked at each other.

"You son of a bitch."

Chris smirked at him, looking down as he slid Ryan the journal one.

"Give me my paper Rick."

He rolled his eyes before sliding the porn stash one to Chris. All of us looked around at each other. Ricky really just outed himself didn't he? This game really was wild.

"Alright, next!"

He said, flipping the next card over for Justin to read.

"Ooo this one's good! Things that make you dance."

He set the card on the floor and we all started writing. I laughed at a memory I had of a friend and immediately wrote it down. I folded it and placed it in the pile, then he did what Ricky had done and shuffled them up. He picked up the first one and laughed.

"Funky fresh rhymes?"

We all smiled as he shook his head and put it on the ground. I was proud now, that was mine and everyone liked it. It was sort of gratifying being anonymous and knowing everyone liked it.

"Yikes. This one says hot girls."

We all looked at Vinny.

"What? It wasn't me!"

Justin nodded once.

"Sure."

He unfolded another.

"Music."

He looked up unamused.

"Well that's lame."

He picked up another.

"Okay now we're talking. This one says my baby."

We all looked at Ricky and awed.

"How cute rick."

He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Can't a man be in love?"

I placed my hand on his shoulder.

"Of course you can Rick, it's sweet, really."

He sent me a knowing look as Justin opened another.

"Chris I swear to fuck if this is yours."

He sent him a glare.

"It says dead girls."

We all laughed.

"That is so goth."

Ryan piped up and Chris just shrugged.

"Guess it just be like that sometimes."

°°°°°°°°°

I laughed at Ryan as he took a drink of his beer. We had been playing games for hours and at some point Justin had left to get alcohol and pizza.

"No really, I'm always the best banker."

I shook my head.

"Yeah but who the hell has the time for that?"

Ricky patted my shoulder.

"I agree, Monopoly is like the worst game to play if you don't have time to actually play it."

I nodded in agreement.

"You can be the best banker in the world, That doesn't make me wanna play Monopoly with you."

Ryan just shook his head.

"Fine but we could at least play something else."

I looked at my phone's clock, it was already eleven.

"Dude we've been playing games all day."

He shrugged.

"So?"

Chris turned around in his spot, biting into a slice of the now cold pizza.

"I think it's about time we all turn in."

Ryan and Vinny both pouted and turned to Justin who was sitting comfortably on the couch holding a beer.

"Don't look at me, even if we do turn in someone's gotta take me back to my hotel. Ryan too."

I sighed and held my hand in the air.

"Guess that means I'm the DD."

Ricky laughed.

"You take Ryan, I'll take vin, and Chris can take Justin."

I raised a brow.

"Hey! Why aren't you all at the same hotel anyways?"

They all looked around at each other and shrugged.

"No idea."

Justin said as he took a swig of his beer. I rolled my eyes.

"Okay fine, but I guess we should get going. We actually do have to work tomorrow."

They all groaned.

"Yeah we know."

Chris said, wiping his hands on his sweats. I patted Ryan on the back.

"Let's go."

I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder.

"Thank you guys for this, I really had a good time."

Ricky smiled at me and offered a hug.

"Don't mention it, what kind of friends would we be if we didn't take care of each other?"

I pulled away from him.

"You are absolutely right."

Then vin gave me a hug, holding on a little too long before swaying backwards.

"Sorry, shouldn't have had that extra shot."

I laughed at him.

"Yeah maybe not but that's okay."

I patted his cheek.

"We still wuv you anyways."

I said in the best baby voice and he sent me a sleepy smile.

"Thanks."

I looked back at Ryan.

"You ready?"

He nodded.

"Yeah, we can go."

I followed him to the door and waved at everyone.

"See y'all tomorrow."

"See ya."

Chris said, waving back. I followed Ryan out to my car and smiled to myself. This was the first time I'd had fun in over a week and it felt really good. I now knew it wouldn't be bad forever and that was okay.

#wattpad #x reader #miw #one shots #imagines #unedited #request #170

[waitineedaname]

Lightning Round, Take Two

kudos to @notedchampagne for inspiring this!!

also on ao3

-

“This is a terrible idea.”

“It’ll be fine.”

“She’s going to hate me.”

“She’ll love you.”

“Love me? Love me?!” Karkat all but shrieked. “I don’t know if you’ve realized this, Dave, but I don’t exactly make the best impressions! In fact, one might even say I make the worst impressions! We’ll be lucky if she doesn’t end this visit early because she can’t stand being around me because I have the personality of a deep seated pimple!”

“Damn. The kind it hurts to pop?”

“Yes! The kind of pimple that never forms a head and settles on your upper lip so it hurts every time you move your mouth! That’s what my personality is like: persistent, painful, and pus-filled!”

“The three P’s.” Dave mused, and Karkat shot him a scowl. “C’mon man, don’t sell yourself short. You’re like a blackhead at the worst.”

“Don’t pander to me, Strider.” Karkat grumbled and crossed his arms, but he didn’t complain when Dave slung his arm over his shoulders. “I still think this would go much better without me.”

“Nah, dude, trust me, this is the best option. I mean, best case scenario, if I did this by myself, she’d be like ‘omg do u have a bf’ and I’d be like ‘yeah’ because that’s part of what I’m tryna do here, tell folks about us, but then she’d want pictures even though she’s definitely met you, and then I’d have to show her all those cute pictures I took of you when you weren’t looking, and I know you don’t want that.”

“You what?”

“You didn’t hear that.”

Karkat rolled his eyes and leaned a little closer into Dave’s side, eyes tracing the little carapacian homes they were walking by. Dusk was falling, much to his relief; they both had to make compromises when they realized their species operated at different times of day, but he still avoided leaving the hive when the sun was glaring and ready to burn him to a crisp. Dave probably could’ve flown them all the way to Roxy and Calliope’s house, but Karkat hated making him carry him that far (Dave always insisted he wasn’t that heavy, but the strain in his voice never escaped Karkat’s notice), so they were walking the last few blocks. Karkat had a sneaking suspicion Dave was fine with walking because he was trying to delay the inevitable. He was nervous, if the way his fingers were tapping on Karkat’s upper arm or the way he kept clenching and unclenching his jaw said anything. Karkat sighed and unfolded his arms to wrap one around Dave’s waist.

“You don’t have anything to worry about, you know.” He said, surprising Dave into looking down at him.

“What? Who said I’m worried? You’re the one who’s been bitching the whole evening.”

“Because I want to make a good impression on your weird paradox ancestor, shit for brains. I’m saying you don’t need to be worried about coming out to her.” He met Dave’s eyes through his shades, something he’d gotten good at over the sweeps. “Of all fucking people, she’ll be the most fine with it. That’s why you’re telling her first, right?”

“Yeah, I know, it’s just-” Dave sighed and looked away. He was better than he used to be, but holding eye contact was still hard for him, “It’s a big deal, you know? I mean, Rose probably figured it out from living in a confined space with us, and Dirk kinda got it out of context clues, but this is a first using the big B-word.”

“She’ll be fine. And if she isn’t, I’ll tear her apart and at least give her a reason to hate your boyfriend besides my shit-awful personality.”

“Aw, babe, I dunno whether to be flattered you’d attack my mom like a feral raccoon or bummed that you’re trashin’ yourself.”

“How about we compromise, and I’ll stop shit-talking myself if you stop stressing yourself out about this.”

“...Deal.”

“Good. Because I think that’s her house.”

“Oh shit.”

The two of them stopped just outside the elaborate building the carapacians had offered Roxy and Calliope back when they’d first arrived in the middle of Earth C society, both of them brimming with anxiety despite their reassurances. Karkat almost thought Dave was going to say this was too much for him and turn around and fly home, but he unwrapped himself from Karkat’s arm and instead held his hand to walk up to the front door and knock.

“Just a sec!” Roxy’s voice rang out from somewhere inside, and a few seconds later, the door opened to reveal her smiling face. “Davey!” She squealed and launched herself at him, hugging him tightly. Dave, to his credit, adapted quickly and let go of Karkat’s hand to hug her back.

“Sup, Rox.”

Roxy pulled away from Dave to turn towards Karkat, who instinctively took a half step back. She noticed and laughed. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna hug you if you don’t wanna. Is a fistbump cool?”

“I don’t know if I would call anything a certain red asshole harangued me with in the early years of our friendship ‘cool’, but it is acceptable.” That made Roxy laugh, and he gave her a light fistbump.

“Karkat, bro, I can’t believe you’re just calling me uncool in front of my mom. What the fuck. What is this betrayal.” Dave shook his head, but he already seemed more relaxed.

“Dave, I dunno how to break this to you, but you’re related to me ‘n Dirk.” Roxy tried to adopt a sympathetic expression despite her grin. “You’ve got dork running through your veins.”

“Goddamn. You’re tellin’ me I’ve got a genetic predisposition for this shit?”

“Yup. It’s chronic. Doctors everywhere’re rushing to write studies on our family to try and isolate the ‘cool-but-really-not-cool’ gene.”

“Let’s hope it’s not replicable in a lab or anything. I’m pretty sure Earth C can only handle four of us.”

“Ohmigod, can you imagine them trying to test it out. Little lab rats wearing shades and writing wizard fic. Holy shit.” Roxy gasped at her own idea, an unbelievably pleased look on her face.

“Oh my dick. Fuck ectobiology, this is the science I want to invest in.”

“Absolutely not.” Karkat interjected. “There’s already enough of you jackasses, I think I’d have an aneurysm if any more blond lunatics were running around.”

“Lol,” Karkat couldn’t believe Roxy just said that out loud, “You’re probably right. Are we gonna keep fucking around about cool mice on the doorstep, or do you guys wanna come in?”

She stepped aside to lead them inside and showed them to the living room. “Callie’s out picking up dinner. I would’ve made something since I invited you guys over for dinner, but living in the water apocalypse did not leave me with many cooking skills.”

“Hey, no shade here.” Dave shrugged, plopping down on the couch with Karkat at his side. “I don’t think I’d be able to work an oven if I tried. We’re a strictly take-out household. Hivehold? I dunno, but we’ve barely touched the kitchen in the week we’ve been here.”

“Excuse you, I made those Hot Pockets yesterday.” Karkat countered sharply.

“Yeah, and they were like 30% cooked, dude. You put them in the microwave for thirty seconds and then panicked.”

“Fuck you, I don’t see you doing much better! In fact, I distinctly remember you eating those frozen pizza pockets like a ravenous barkbeast! It was like you’d been locked in a cave with nothing to eat for half a sweep and my delicious plate of folded sauce treats were the only thing saving you from a miserable, malnourished death!”

“I mean, a Hot Pocket’s a Hot Pocket. I’m not gonna turn one of those fuckers down, who do you think I am.”

“I think you’re a wiggler with no sense of taste.”

“You eat bugs.”

“And you put ranch on your pizza! Bricks and glass houses, Dave!”

“Dude, do trolls even have that expression? Aren’t y’all light sensitive? Why would you have glass houses?”

“Newsflash, dipshit, I’ve lived in close proximity for the majority of the past two sweeps with an overflowing fountain of pop culture references and idioms and an uppity seer that likes to make things as convoluted and difficult to understand as possible. I picked up a few human phrases! Uh, no offense, Roxy.” Karkat added at the mention of Rose.

“None taken! I’m pretty sure she gets that from Dirk anyway.” Roxy waved him off. “Take it back to the ranch on pizza thing tho, do you really do that? Is this some earth delicacy I missed out on?”

“Oh fuck yeah, it rules. You gotta try it some time.” Dave nodded, excited to get someone else to try his food crimes.

“Imma have to take a pass on that.” Roxy said, crinkling her nose.

“Finally, someone with taste!” Karkat exclaimed, and Dave gently hit his shoulder.

“I am slowly workin’ through traditional earth food tho! Or at least as traditional as you can get here. That’s where we’re getting dinner from! There’s this human/troll fusion place that Callie and I like. I dunno how authentic it is, but it tastes good at least!”

“I mean, nothing on Earth C is super authentic, it’s all like human diet slightly to the left, but it’s edible.”

“Better than the garbage we alchemized on the meteor, at least.” Karkat agreed.

“God, the fucking buffalo wings debacle.” Dave and Karkat shuddered in unison. Roxy looked amused.

“You guys spent a lot of time together on the meteor, right? And now you’re living together?” Roxy asked, and they both nodded. She had a look in her eyes that was far too reminiscent of the look Rose got when she was gearing up to psychoanalyze someone, and Karkat was hit with a stroke of panic. “Sooo, I should prob’ly do a lightning round with you too, right? Since you’re important to Dave?”

The pair shared a look and Dave shrugged, appearing nonchalant despite the way he was anxiously picking at a loose string on his jeans. “Uh, I guess?” Karkat said, bracing himself.

“I’ll start easy, I promise!” Roxy drummed her fingers on her lips as if thinking. “Hm… you’ve got ‘cat’ in your name, do you like cats?”

Karkat made a face, thrown off by the question. “I guess? I never had one, but Nepeta was pretty fucking into them, and they seemed… fine. I can respect a meowbeast that just lazes around if it’ll leave me the fuck alone, but Nepeta’s lusus could’ve probably torn me to shreds, so…” He shrugged.

“Was Nepeta a friend from the game?” Roxy backpedaled the moment she saw Karkat’s face fall. “Oh shit, tender subject, sorry.” She worried her lip, looking for another question, then perked up. “Oh! What’s your sign? I know it’s Cancer from earth astrology and stuff, but what’s that mean for trolls?”

Karkat looked down at his chest and grimaced. “Fuck if I know, I don’t actually have a sign. I spent most of my life thinking this stupid thing meant precisely fuck all. I guess it’s a symbol of my ancestor? But I never really learned much about him since the empress always tried to erase his rebellion, and I thought that ancestor shit was highblood bullshit anyway. I guess now I know it’s not, but ugh, I could’ve happily gone my whole wretched life without meeting that douchebag.”

“We met his ancestor in the dream bubbles.” Dave explained. “Or I guess descendent? Since y’all are technically the post-scratch group? I never really understood that part.”

“Doesn’t fucking matter, he was a pretentious asswipe with his head so far up his nook it’s a wonder he was even audible, but oh god, was he audible alright.”

“Lmao, I kinda wanna meet this guy.” Roxy grinned.

“No you don’t.” Dave and Karkat said in unison, which made her laugh.

“I’ll take your word for it.” The mischievous look was back in her eyes. “Next question! Have you ever had your quadrants filled?”

Karkat almost choked. “What the fuck kind of question is that? That’s none of your fucking business!” He blustered. “My quadrants are private, and it’s my decision if I want to bring them up! Are all humans this fucking nosy or is it just the Lalondes?!”

“It’s just the Lalondes.” Dave said flatly.

“I just thought it’d be fair since I asked Dave that in our lightning round!” Roxy put her hands up in apology, but didn’t look particularly apologetic. “I was curious!”

Karkat was about to continue his rant about people feeling entitled to knowledge about virtual strangers’ quadrants, but the way Dave sat up and cleared his throat gave him pause.

“Actually, Rox,” Dave started, fidgeting a bit, “I never answered that question back on the lilypad.”

“Yeah, but that’s okay!” Roxy brushed him off. “I’m not gonna push you to answer something you’re not comfy with.”

“That’s the thing. I wanna answer you now, if that’s cool.”

“Oh!” Roxy’s eyes widened. “Of course that’s cool! That’s cooler than cool.”

Dave lifted an eyebrow, a smile pulling at his lips despite himself. “What’s cooler than being cool?”

“Ice cold!” Roxy shouted at the top of her lungs, and the two of them chanted “alright” about a dozen times while Karkat watched them in bewilderment. Humans, he thought. He’d never understand them.

“Okay, but for real tho,” Roxy said once they’d both gotten a handle on their giggles, “You wanted to say something?”

“Yeah.” Dave almost immediately looked anxious again, running his hands over his jeans. “So. You asked if I’d ever kissed anyone or-” He cleared his throat and the rest came out in a mumbled cough, “-been in love.”

Karkat held his breath, eyes flicking between Dave and a very focused Roxy.

“The, um. The answer to both of those questions is… yes? And I know you’re wonderin’ who, that’s like the next logical question, like if you ask someone if they’re hungry and they say yes, your next question is probably gonna be ‘what do you wanna eat’, unless you’re a total dick and just wanted to, I dunno, be aware of someone else’s hunger for your own sick pleasures and leave ‘em waiting like you’re some kinda sick torturer tryin’ to extract information out of a prisoner, like ‘hey are you hungry?’ ‘Yeah, I am, actually. I’ve been hanging from my ankles for a week now and I’d kill for some motherfucking KFC right now.’ ‘Interesting. Go fuck yourself.’ That’s not a very good interrogator, actually, he didn’t even try to get any information out of the guy except for the knowledge that he’s really craving some chicken, which is virtually useless, unless the interrogator is working for KFC’s competitor, like Popeyes out here tryna get the deets on their rival brands. Hey, do you think they’ve got a Popeyes anywhere on Earth C? Maybe we should start one, make a shit ton of money. Really boost the economy.”

“Dave.” Karkat cut him off before he could get too far from the topic, giving him a pointed look. “Were you actually going to say something important or were you going to just talk out of your deflated ass forever?”

“Hey man, you know you love my ass.”

“The point, Dave-!”

“Right right right.” Dave shook his head and took a deep breath before looking at Roxy again, who looked like she was might be putting things together already. “It’s Karkat. The answer to ‘who’, I mean. We’ve, uh. We’ve been dating since the meteor.”

Roxy’s whole face lit up. “Aw, congrats you guys! That’s really sweet!”

“Yeah.” Dave looked over at Karkat and gave him a tiny smile before looking a little apprehensive again. “I’d, uh, appreciate if you didn’t tell anyone though? I mean, the rest of the meteor crew probably knows because we spent… a lot of time together.”

“Most of that was platonic, though. A good two-thirds of it, at least.” Karkat countered.

“True, but they don’t know that. Far as they know, one day we were just two bros hanging out and watching movies and shit, then the next day, Vriska walks in to catch one of those bros taking a snooze on his other bro’s lap and falling off the couch the moment she announces her presence.”

“I’ll give you three fucking guesses which dumbass that was.” Karkat directed that at Roxy, and she snorted.

“Rude.” Dave nudged him. “But yeah, they’ve probably figured it out, but we haven’t officially told anyone. I haven’t even told anyone I’m, you know. Bisexual.”

“Wait, so I’m the first person you’ve told?” Roxy looked a little stunned.

“I- Yeah? I just thought you’d probably be a safe person to go to, especially since we don’t have any weird baggage like I might have with John and Jade, you’re just my alt-mom, which I guess does make things a little weird-”

“It’s a little weird, but it does mean you get a certified mom hug!” She interrupted, standing up.

“A mom hug? Dunno if I know what those are like.” Dave said, smiling a little.

“They’re like this, you big goober.” Roxy pulled him into a tight hug, pulling him down a little so he could put his head on her shoulder. “I’m proud of you, Davey. That’s a big deal, comin’ out and shit. I’m glad you felt like you could tell me.”

“...Thanks mom.” Dave’s voice was a watery mumble against her shoulder, but he seemed to have collected himself by the time they pulled away. Roxy immediately turned her sights on Karkat.

“Your turn! You’re family now, you can’t escape hugs anymore.”

“Ugh, you humans are so fucking tactile.” Karkat grumbled but resigned himself to Roxy’s affectionate squeeze.

“Hey man, don’t act like you’re not cuddly as hell. I have to pry you off of me with a crowbar to go take a piss sometimes. You should see this dude when he gets sleepy, Rox, it’s so fucking cute. Did you know trolls purr? It’s some kinda flushed noise or something and it’s the fucking best.” Dave seemed to already be relaxing now that the thing he’d been dreading was over with.

“That’s private!” Karkat hissed, embarrassed. Dave just grinned at him and sat a little closer when they took a seat again. “Do you want me airing out how you melt like a touch starved candybar left in the sunlight when I suggest you should be the little spoon? Or how you turn into a warbling puddle of Dave when I do this?” He reached over and out his hand on Dave’s knee, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles. Casual affection, Dave’s weakness.

“Aw,” Roxy cooed. Dave looked thoroughly embarrassed and made a strangled noise in his throat. Karkat gave him a smug look.

“Shut up.” He grumbled weakly and scooted a little closer so he could press against Karkat’s side and hold his hand.

“So you guys are matesprits?” Roxy asked, and Karkat’s anxiety immediately returned. Dave wasn’t the only one who had coming out to do. Dave squeezed his hand and let Karkat start since this was his thing to discuss.

“Mostly?” He offered weakly, then tried to sound more certain. “We’re kind of pale too.”

“Plus I piss you off in a pitch way sometimes.” Dave added helpfully.

“And the way you kept me from tearing Vriska apart on the meteor was sort of ashen.” Karkat admitted.

“I mean, there wasn’t really much of a chance of you tearing her apart to begin with. Spidertroll could’ve probably kicked any of our asses in her sleep, she’s fuckin’ crazy.”

“My point still stands!”

“So…” Roxy interrupted, guiding them back on topic, “You’re in all quadrants? I didn’t know trolls did that!”

Karkat winced. “They don’t. Usually. It’s extremely frowned upon.”

“Karkat’s had trouble keeping shit in one quadrant.” Dave explained for him. “He’s got a big ol’ heart full of love.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re the only person in Paradox Space to come to that conclusion about what my useless fucking pump biscuit is full of, but thanks for the thought.” Karkat rolled his eyes, defaulting to annoyance to avoid the insecurities that always gnawed at him when he thought about his relationship with quadrants. “‘Full of love’ is usually not the first thing people describe me as. More like ‘full of a burning anger’ or ‘a perpetual stream of irritable piss’ or, hell, ‘just undiluted dumbass juice!’ As far as most people are concerned, I’m Karkat ‘useless shitfit’ Vantas, and they’re not fucking wrong!”

“Okay, sure, you might be the grumpiest person in all - what, is this five universes now? I can’t keep track, but that doesn’t mean you’re not secretly a big softy.” Dave rubbed his thumb over Karkat’s knuckles. “I know that best out of probably anyone.”

“If it helps, I don’t think of you as those things!” Roxy added. Karkat gave her a disbelieving look.

“Full offense, we’ve never really ‘hung out.’”

“I mean, no, but I’ve seen you interacting with Dave and John and Kanaya and stuff, and you’ve always seemed to be a caring friend underneath all the yelling.” Roxy shrugged. “It’s nice knowing Dave’s in good hands since I’ve only been part of his family for a couple weeks. Means I don’t have to give you a shovel talk prob’ly!”

“The shovel talk? What the fuck? What does that even mean?” Karkat looked at Dave for an explanation, but he only winced.

“You know, when parents meet their kid’s partner and are like ‘you better not hurt my baby, or I’ll kill you.’ That kind of thing. I’m guessing trolls didn’t do that on Alternia?” Roxy tilted her head, seeming genuinely curious. Karkat’s face contorted as he wrapped his head around that concept.

“Okay, first of all, no we didn’t because we didn’t even have parents and our lusii wouldn’t give two shits about our quadrantmates. Second of all, you better not even think about giving me your ridiculous human ‘shovel talk’! I’ve known Dave far longer than you have, so it really should be me going ‘don’t fucking hurt him,’ but I know I don’t need to because Dave can fucking handle himself! He doesn’t need your bullshit defenses! If I ever hurt him, I trust him to be able to tell me to fuck off out of his life - not that he’d ever need to because I’d rather establish a culling system in the Troll Kingdom and offer myself up as their first sacrifice than hurt Dave!” He took a deep inhale to continue his tirade, but Dave cut him off with a pat to the cheek.

“Yo, dude, shoosh, it’s okay. It’s really not that big of a deal.” It was only after Dave cut off his train of thought that Karkat realized how worked up he was getting, and he shrank back down against Dave’s shoulder, embarrassed. “I’m pretty sure Roxy was kidding, anyway.”

“Yeah, for sure!” Roxy nodded quickly. “I didn’t mean to imply you were gonna hurt Dave or that he couldn’t take care of himself or anything. That’s hella not my place, and you guys seem very good for each other.”

“Oh. Well. Good.” He sent her a warning glare just to make sure he’d gotten the point across, then forced himself to let some tension out of his shoulders.

“It is really nice knowin’ my family’s in good hands though.” Roxy smiled. “Hell, it’s nice knowin’ I have a family! Oh my god, Dave, do you realize none of us Strilondes are straight? I mean, Rose ‘n Dirk are both gay as hell, and then you and I are bi!”

“Yeah- Wait, what?” Dave jolted a little in surprise. “Rox, you’re bi too? Since when?”

“Uh, since always?” Roxy laughed a bit. “I thought that’s why you came to me, because you knew!”

“No! Holy shit, I gotta process this for a second.”

“LMAO.” Roxy said, pronouncing every letter. “Yeah, dude! I mean, can you blame me? Like, dudes are hot as fuck, that’s like self explanatory. I mean, have you seen the Englberts? Eglishes? Whatever their family name is, John and Jake are both total babes, but then there are girls too! I mean, Janey, what a gal, right? And Callie too!”

“Right?” Dave enthused, clearly excited someone understood where he was coming from. “Girls are so fucking good, hot damn, but then? Dudes? Holy shit?”

“Yeah!” Roxy was just about throwing herself out of her chair with her excitement. “I can barely leave the house, it’s just smoochable babes everywhere I turn.”

“I’d say it’s a goddamn plight, but I got the most smoochable right here.” Dave emphasized his point with a kiss to one of Karkat’s horns, making him squawk. Dave laughed a little and turned back to Roxy. “Yo, but rewind back to Callie. Soooo, are y’all two, y’know…”

Roxy looked remarkably like Dave when embarrassed. “Uh…” The sound of the front door opening and Calliope’s greeting voice cut her off. “I’ll get back to you on that!” Dave waggled his eyebrows at her but didn’t push it.

Dinner was an enjoyable affair, despite Karkat’s near constant crippling fear of being miserable in every social engagement. The food was good and pretty close to tasting like home, and the conversation was fluid - mostly because Roxy and Dave chattered the entire time like hyperactive squirrels. Karkat tried to be annoyed with their ridiculous stream of consciousness discussions, but he couldn’t help but feel warm watching Dave talk so comfortably with his ecto-mom. And he certainly wasn’t the only person happy with the situation; every time he and Dave started bantering back and forth, he could see Roxy’s delight out of the corner of his eye, and the absolutely lovestruck look on her face whenever Calliope spoke didn’t escape him either.

Eventually, though, they had to head home - though Dave and Karkat had both shifted their sleep schedules to be active in the afternoon and most of the night, the majority of their human friends were still diurnal and needed to go to bed eventually - so after a few more hugs from Roxy, they were sent on their way.

Dave landed them down the street from their hive, and Karkat didn’t complain about having to walk that last distance. The Troll Kingdom was just now starting to wake up, stores and restaurants lighting up, trolls in suits rushing to their early jobs, and young trolls getting ushered off to school. It was so different from Alternia, but Karkat thought he could probably get used to the differences if it meant he didn’t have to worry about getting culled at a single glance at his blood color. Maybe it was too early to tell, but if he let himself feel just the slightest bit optimistic for his future, he had a feeling he could be really happy here. He could live a peaceful, successful life on Earth C, and if the cheerful way Dave was swinging their clasped hands meant anything, he wasn’t the only one feeling hopeful.

“So,” He prompted, leaning into Dave’s shoulder, “I guess that could have been more horrible.”

“Yep.” Dave said, popping the ‘p’. “We’ll have to scrap those emergency plans. Cancel our name changes and facial reconstructions and flights to the other side of Earth C, no need to run away immediately.”

“I don’t know, we might have to keep that shit pencilled in. We still need to tell John.” Karkat reminded him, and Dave groaned.

“Oh fuck. Yeah, never mind, you sure we can’t just fuck off into another universe? Universe D here we come. The D stands for Davekat ‘cause it’ll just be us, babe. It also stands for Dick because, come on, it’s us, of course it does. Also Dinosaurs just ‘cause. Do you think dinosaurs are a universal constant? Like, did dinosaurs exist for you guys? Or- oh shit, do you think they evolved differently? Are trolls just super evolved dinosaurs?”

“Dave,” Karkat gave him a look, “I think I would know if I was a dinosaur.”

“I dunno, dude, maybe we’re all dinosaurs-”

“Okay, I know when to cut that shit off.” Karkat rolled his eyes and let go of his hand to unlock their door. “Seriously, I think… that went okay. Less than horrid.”

“Less than horrid, huh? That’s a big compliment coming from you, are you feeling okay? Are you gettin’ some kinda fluffy feelings from hanging out with Roxy too long, ‘cause like, I get it.”

“Shut up. All I’m saying is this might not have been as much of an ordeal as we thought, this ‘coming out to everyone we know’ thing.”

“Maybe. You might be right.” Dave admitted, following him inside. “But that involved way too many emotions, and I think all my brain’s been used up for the rest of the day for anything that involves more thought than playing Xbox for seven hours straight. You down?”

“Fuck yes.”

#homestuck #davekat #dave strider #karkat vantas #roxy lalonde #calliope's there for like a second #okay to reblog #my writing #this was fun to write! #i. really like writing karkat he's very fun. #also she/her pronouns are used for roxy bc this is pre-them figuring out their gender #this is epilogue non-compliant household but i do want to keep roxy's journey to figuring out they're nonbinary

[ghostie-stories]

My Treat | Scarecrow X OC

YOOOO we’re back with another OC fic requested by @harukary5titan​ !!! I’m So happy to be writing these for you!! Hope you like it!!

Overview: Carina is admitted to Arkham, where she meets an old friend, Jonathan Crane. He’s not who she remembers him as, being in the same time zone where Jonathan, Jerome, and Jervis are working together. Jonathan has become the scarecrow, and still remembers Carina, along with the feelings he has for her. BUT as you’ve seen in the first OC fic, Carina attracts men, and that includes Jerome. Let’s just say Jonny’s not happy. 

Warnings: Swearing, blood

Pairing: Scarecrow x OC

(this gif is so cute omg he’s like (⊙▿⊙))

     Night fell over Arkham asylum, and Carina spent her first day in her cell, reading and trying to find a way out. She was convicted on the account of theft and murder, killing a shop owner and staff after locking her in their store, trying to keep her from escaping before police arrived. She was unsure how she was caught by the shop owner, but they made the mistake of not letting her leave. She was like a caged animal, attacking anyone who came near her, slitting throats and stabbing them like they were fresh meat. When the police found her, she was slumped against the front door, exhausted but uninjured. The scene around her was nothing less than something straight from a horror film. Blood and gore coated the walls and linoleum floor beneath her, reflecting the flickering lights and police figures within it. The smell of blood was strong in the air. 

     Carina had been on the run from the police for about a year, her father being a suspect for helping crime lords, she defended him and helped him escape, earning her place on the wanted list. It was only a matter of time before she was caught, and a simple mistake cost her her freedom indefinitely. The city of Gotham didn’t even grant her an option to go to prison, they saw her potential to be dangerous and sent her to Arkham, without a chance to injure another person.

     So here she was, already bored out of her mind, without her weapons or alias, she was just inmate E-246. Not Carina, or Taygra, or even Ms. Casoli, Just another number among various other numbers. She was forced to listen to the screams and cries and moans of her fellow inmates. Before long, Carina had fallen asleep, already used to the haunting sounds of the building around her, not ready to start a new day of many in this hellhole. 

     Sunlight streamed through the barred windows of her cell, the only upside of being here was her view. Her room was on the top floor, overlooking the beautiful forest around the building. Stretching, Carina stands and finds her way up to the window, the warm sunlight casting over the trees as a couple of birds flew overhead. Clouds were rolling in from the direction of down town, covering the area in an odd greenish gray hue. A harsh knock comes from the metal cell door, snapping her out of her daydream. 

     “Inmate E-246, Time for breakfast. Turn towards the wall, put your hands behind your back, and spread your legs.” The voice calls from past the door. Carina does as he says. leaning her head against the wall with a frown. The sound of the door unlocking and opening fills the room, and the man walks up behind her, putting her in cuffs and patting her down. If he tries anything I’m breaking his nose. Carina thinks, but the man grabs the chains of her cuffs and drags her off. Glancing at the man behind her, he’s strong, like muscles on muscles strong. Damn, no way I can break away from this dude. She sighs as the man unlocks her chains before being shoved into a room full of inmates. The man behind her swiftly locks the door behind her, and Carina finds her way into the line of inmates waiting on food.

     The inmates around her are too jumpy and excitable, putting her on edge, ready to pounce at the slightest touch. Behave, Carina. The nicer you act, the sooner you get out of here. She thinks before grabbing a plate of disgusting looking food. She turns, looking for the most empty table, and spots on on the far end of the cafeteria. From what she could see, there was only two men sitting there, a pale ginger, and a man in what looked like a paper top hat. As she approached she saw the man with the top hat was wearing a muzzle, and was unable to speak. He was nodding excitedly and was somehow communicating to the ginger boy in front of him. Carina took a seat at the end of the table, ignoring the two as they stared.

     “Hey. Hey! Sweetheart!” The ginger calls to her and Carina looks. “Come over here!” Carina hesitates before sliding down the bench and stops next to the man in the hat. “Hiya gorgeous, I’m Jerome.” He says with a smile. “And this is Jervis.” He waves towards the man in the hat and she turns to him with a smile. The man waves excitedly and his eyes squint a bit, showing he was smiling under the muzzle. 

“Carina.” She says, smiling at the two. Jerome rests his head on his hand, looking at her dreamily before opening his mouth to speak. 

     “Say,” Jerome says and she reverts her attention back to him. “You wanna get out of here.” His voice lowers to a whisper, and the man next to you lets out a small grunt. He’s nodding excitedly like before. Carina is about to speak before the cafeteria door opens and a grunt is heard as a man is thrown in. Carina turns and notices the man is wearing a scarecrow mask, and its like she was sent into a flashback. She was back in high school, protecting a young boy, Jonathan Crane, from bullies wearing scarecrow masks. No way... it can’t be...

     “Touch me like that again, and I’ll show you what true fear is.” The man says to the guard, standing and glaring at him through the dark mask. His posture was strong and tall, nothing like the Jonathan she knew. 

     “Yeah, Yeah, Crane. You know, the more you say that, the less I believe you.”  The guard says, locking the door. So it is Jonathan. Carina imagines, still in complete shock. She watched him turn to the line, looking at the food before scoffing and turning towards her table. His view of her was blocked by inmates. He found his way to the table, not fully noticing her until he was standing at the opposite side of the table. She was ignoring the calls of Jerome, trying to get her attention. Carina and Jonathan lock eyes for the first time in years, all of the past love for her flooding back into Jonathan’s mind.

     “Jonathan?” Carina asked, still dumbfounded, not believing the man before her was the shy and anxious boy she once knew. He nods, unable to speak, and all of Carina’s doubts were confirmed. He was indeed her good friend, missing for so long, now someone completely different. Carina could not deny, she liked the change.

     “Carina... It’s been quite a while.” He says, sitting down across from her, not looking at the other two next to her. The both of them were confused, looking from Carina to Jonathan, Jonathan to Carina.

     “So uhhh, you know her Jonny?” Jerome asks, and Jonathan nods. “Damn... good on you man. She’s hot.” He’s says and he looks at Carina, winking at her. Jonathan whips his head around to look at him, glaring. He could tell Jerome was trying to get to you before he could, and he didn’t like the competition. “So, Carina, What do you say? Wanna escape with us, we can grab a bite when we get out.” Carina looks at Jerome with a kind smile, unaware he was asking her out. Jonathan was fuming now, in disbelief Jerome was doing this with him sitting right there, obviously in love with her. Without thinking and without fear, Jonathan leaned across the table, connecting his lips with hers, confessing his love through his actions rather than his words. Carina sat there, eyes wide and blushing. The burlap on the mask scratching at her face. Before she could even close her eye, Jonathan pulled away. 

     “Or... You could have dinner with me. My treat.” Jonathan says, looking at her lovingly through his mask. Carina was still blushing as she nods, Jerome groaning beside her.

     “Unfaiiiiiirrrrr. I can’t do that from over here.” Jerome says and slumps in his chair. A muffled laugh comes from beside her and she smiles as the guards enter to drag you back to your cells. Before the guard grabs her, Jonathan leans over the table.

     “Tonight, we get out of here.” He says to her, whispering in her ear. Just as she’s dragged off, she turns her head, kissing him on the cheek. She turns voluntarily walking herself out before shouting over her shoulder.

     “Zach’s Diner, 8:00! Don’t be late!” 

THIS WAS CUTE OMG. The two are FINALLY together! Now you know how they came to be BF and GF!!!! I love these two babes! Also @harukary5titan you know I had to add my boy Jervis just for fun lol. I love him sm 

#jerome #Jerome valeska #Jerome x reader #Jerome imagine #Scarecrow #scarecrow x reader #OC #jonathan crane x reader #Jonathan Crane #gotham #gotham preferences #gotham reactions #gotham fox #gotham x reader #batman

[legojacques]

Kent starts taking a photography class at a community college and ends up meeting a really cute guy there. The cute guy doesn’t know that Kent is a famous hockey player, and over time, starts to think that Kent is part of the mob...

(This was an idea on the Parse Discord that got really long. I want to come back to clean it up and redo it as an actual fic (or ficlet) at some point, but for now, enjoy the ideas that came out of the chat.) (@overheardattheaces)

Under a cut because it’s hella long

Lego: "I started taking a photography class at the community college so I could take really nice pictures of Kit." "Okay...." "But then I met this guy there and he doesn't know who I am and now I'm in too deep." "Why?" "He knows I like hockey. He wants to take me on a date... to a hockey game." "Oh shit." "He know nothing about hockey." "That's really cute." "I know." "You're really screwed, Parse." "I know that too."

Linnea: kent's saved by the fact it's the unlv team and he doesn't have a game that night. they sit towards the back and kent keeps his hat pulled down low

abigail: but what if this guy tries to take kent to an aces game

Tony: i have no idea whats happening but i want the shenanigans that come from "i cant go" "oh, why?" "uh. i have. a thing that night"

Lego: Kent: i work a lot Cute Guy: that's a lot of really weird hours and travelling. (OH SHIT HE'S A HIT MAN)

Tony: knlkdfsnkgjsI WANT THOSE MISUNDERSTANDINGS MORE Cute guy: Oh don't worry I understand. (FUCK I DIDNT THINK HITMEN WERE THIS CUTE)

Lego: Cute guy: I'M LITERALLY DATING AN ASSASSIN BUT I DON'T CARE BECAUSE THE DICK IS TOO GOOD

Linnea: kent's in vegas. he has lots of money. this kid seriously thinks he's stumbled into dating someone in a mafia ring. 

Lego: Cute guy: wow how'd you afford this house? kent: oh you know, investments and stuff cute guy: DEFINITELY MOB MONEY

Linnea: cute guy: bites fist investments???????????????????

taggianto: Look it's Vegas. Either he's with the mob or he's a hooker. 

Linnea: his friends are like: you're the one who got yourself into this. if you end up buried in the mojave that's your fault.

abigail: im living for this 

taggianto: Maybe he's a hooker FOR the mafia

Lego: oh shit. he's the femme fatale. seduce em and then kill em

Linnea: femme fatale kent omg this kid has a new story for his friends every week

Tony: i mean depending on what Kent's into if the cute guy finds something in Kent's closet--

Linnea: and they've seen, like, his fancy car and his shiny watch and the way he always wears sunglasses and hats low so he won't be recognized and he's clearly built..... friend1: you can NEVER break up with him. friend2: and pray he never wants to break up with you. friend3: it was nice knowing ya....

Tony: hfdlfgg why do none of them READ A PAPER 

Linnea: they're college kids?

allison (believesinponds): Vegas isn’t a hockey town. Lol

Lego: friend: if they find a body in the dump we'll know it was you

Tony: im crying

Linnea: cute guy: we went to this really vip club over the weekend and they just....waved him right in???? 

Lego: kent's got access to all sorts of exclusive and hot clubs in town

Linnea: friend: oh shit, he must be connected to the family that runs it 

Lego: friend: i heard that some mobsters do all their torturing in the back because the loud music covers up their screams friend: he took you there as a warning

Linnea: kent: so i was watching the news and they said these meteors are supposed to hit next week and be super visible if you can get away from city lights. wanna hit the desert? cute guy: that's it. he's done with me and i'm going to become scorpion food and my mom won't even get to bury me

Lego: lol. imagine the car ride out there. kent: (i'm being so romantic)

Tony: its so t e n s e on one side

Tony: but only ONE SIDE

Lego: cute guy: IM GOING TO DIE 

Linnea: kent just wants a romantic date with the perseids 

Tony: Kent keeps looking over and smiling

Linnea: they get to the spot and kent reaches behind the seats. cute guy flinches cuz this is it. he's gonna die. but it's a blanket kent: let's get out. get a better view. cute guy: he doesn't want blood in the car. of course.

Lego: cute guy: the blanket is for bundling up my body because it's easier to clean up

Linnea: cute guy: i've seen this csi before

Lego: cute guy: there's no signal on my cell phone

Tony: when you're already at stage 5 of grief, acceptance

Linnea: cute guy: if i at least get one more good lay, it'll be worth it, right?

Lego: cute guy: best dick ive ever had. at least i'll die happy cute guy: maybe cute guy: i hope he chooses something quick and painless

Tony: i mean sometimes, the only way to go, is during Relations™ 

Lego: so cute guy survives a tense night in the desert. he feels like he passed some kind of test but he's not sure

Linnea: but how does he learn the truth?

Lego: hmmmm....he doesn't.lol, just kidding

Linnea: and how hard does kent laugh when he finds out what cute guy thought? also looool when cg sees scraps

Lego: looooool. one day cute guy bumps into kent and scraps at a restaurant cute guy: okay we at least have it narrowed down to russian mafia

Linnea: scraps is canadian lol

taggianto: Mafia scraaaaaaps 

Linnea: lol it's post-game so they're in suits

Lego: Another time cute guy sees Kent with a bunch his teammates. They look like his bodyguards

Tony: I mean is Kent the smallest guy on the Aces You see all these guys in suits that are 6’0-6’5 surrounding this 5’10” dude and literally all you can do is be like what the fuck Anyone with any context is like “oh there’s the Aces” but if you know zero about hockey you’re just like “the mob is here”

Lego: Cute guy: on one hand, that's terrifying because they can break every bone in my body but on the other hand.... Kent looks so good

Linnea: friend: like, at least they won't break every bone in your body without his permission?

Lego: Cute guy: part of me is ready to be mob wife Cute guy: the other part of me is screaming run

Linnea: friend: ignore it. you can't run faster than the mob.

Lego: Cute guy: mob wives always look good though. Like I'm going to need to step up my fashion game. I always wear sweatpants.

Tony: I love that his concern now is his fashion game

Lego: He's seen Kent in his expensive suits. And even Kent's sweatpants are expensive.

gizelle from hell: Kent wears vetements nah jk he probably just has a lot of adidas and rebook gear

nerdflighter: somebody needs to continue this is absolute gold no wait I'll tell you how this guy finds out. this guy's name is,,,,,David. it's David. David eventually realises that Kent loves him for real and is not going to kill him in desert or something like that. and he loves Kent back so when David proposes, his proposal goes something like: "Kent Parson, I've loved you for almost 4 years now. you have an amazing dick, and you're the most handsome, generous, gentle, person I've ever met. even if you're in the mafia, I'd still like to marry you. would you make me the happ–” "you think I'm in the MOB?" [record scratch sound]

abigail: IT GOES ON UNTIL HE PROPOSES I'M DYING 

nerdflighter: ME TOO. they have a long sit down conversation about how DAVID THOUGHT KENT WAS IN THE MAFIA. FOR 4 YEARS. WHILE DATING HIM

abigail: oh also, when this guy and his friend's see kent after a rough game, with a swollen eye and cut lip, they are downright terrified, more so than they were before

nerdflighter: David's friend Eliza, drinking Starbucks: could've been worse. for a while there he thought you were a femme fatale

restfulinsomniac: They run into Tater at a bar and David is like “oh my god there’s a scary Russian guy glaring at us this is how it ends I’m just gonna get killed in the crossfire” 

nerdflighter: Kent, staring at Eliza: have I seen you before? Eliza is an intern in the PR department and the biggest troll ever

Lego: kent: hey so some the guys wanted to meet you . [nervous laughter] cute guy: oh my god they go to a low key restaurant where everyone is shifty and watching what they say because they've been warned by kent to not reveal his identity cute guy: definitely mafia

abigail: omg what if a fan approaches them when they're out like that

Lego: kent: [panics] [whispers to a teammate] can you take care of it? teammate: distracts the fan but what cute guy sees is the teammate leading the fan out of view somewhere to be "taken care of" at some point, cute guy overhears a conversation between kent and one of his friends kent: i need to tell him the truth. i feel bad lying to him. cute guy: [reveals himself] cute guy: it's okay, kent, i already know kent: omg you do????? how did you figure it out? cute guy: it was so obvious. the money. the hours. the bruising on your knuckles cute guy: i love you anyways kent: aw that's a relief kent now thinks cute guy knows he's a hockey player. cute guy continues on thinking kent is a mobster

nerdflighter: LMAOO. this is exactly why David was still under the impression that Kent is mobster by the time he proposes (does Kent think David has trust issues/an abusive ex bf because of the way he behaves around Kent's teammates?)

Lego: i mean.... if i had to meet a team of huge, hulking, famous hockey players, i'd act shifty af too. also, that's a lot of people to meet in one sitting

Lego: cute guy: so that scraps guy is hit man, right? kent: (aw he's so cute when tries to talk hockey. i think he means defenseman) kent: yes dear

Linnea: kent: he's an enforcer, yeah, but a total sweetheart behind the mask. 

Lego: kent: yeah he's a bit of a goon and he hits hard but he's always there when you need him

nerdflighter: scraps, a gentle boi, trying to make nice with David: so, I heard you're in college? David, screaming internally, heard from whom? your "friends"?: yeah, I study microbiology

Linnea: scraps: is that, like? the csi stuff? with blood? david: screaming internally, i promise i will not end up on the opposite side of the law from you no, it's bacteria, viruses, prions, cells. biology on a microscopic level. scraps: are you gonna be a doctor, then? if you do, i'm sure we can find you an opening. david: aaaaaaaaand now i'm going to be a mob wife and a mob doctor x.x

Lego: kent comes home one night with blood all over his clothes (from a bloody nose) cute guy: it's okay. i've been preparing myself for something like this. i know how to remove blood from clothes kent: oh wow that's handy

Linnea: cute guy: or is it better to burn them?

Tony: kent: Do not burn this its Versace i know exactly nothing about fashion ignore me

Lego: cute guy: i also know how clean car interiors too kent: i would never get blood in my car

Lego: cute guy to his friends: it's like he's a really hot james bond villian. he's even got the cat and everything

Lego: cute guy: did you ever have a different vision for yourself? like did you ever imagine you'd ever wind up as a, you know, for a living? kent: i mean, not really. it's what i've dreamed about my whole life cute guy: (WHO DREAMS ABOUT BEING IN THE MAFIA AS A KID???)

abigail: OMG. ON A SADDER NOTE. but what if kent tries to talk about jack to cute guy and he brings up the OD and cute guy is just like "yep his mafia friends couldn't handle this life" or "what if it was planned,,, is someone coming after kenny in that same way"

Lego: kent mentions "bad bob" a couple of times and cute guy thinks that he must be the godfather, mob boss guy. it's a very intimidating name

#kent parson #headcanon #lego writing #mine #and several other wonderful people #parsepositive