#making my blog more diary-like

[sucrose-soymilk]

hadn’t really regressed in a While and i didn’t realize how much i missed/dareisay needed it until i had the free time and ability to do so over the last few days and i have to say. i’m feeling a bit better

#imagine that! the coping mechanism… helps!!! wow #Seven’s Small Thoughts #not tagging this as anything else bc this blog is really just a not-so-secret public diary #and im not really trying to gain any sort of following or participate in the community very much #i just wanna talk to the void abt regression every once in a blue moon y’know #i also feel like i don’t really belong in the community much/am not a Good Example of sfw agere since i’m very n/ s/ f/ w everywhere else #which is a double standard that i don’t hold others to but i feel like others will hold it against me??? and i’m just shy anyways #and not looking to interact. just wanna keep all this stuff tucked away in a side-blog #i also feel like a lot of the community likes to blog while actively regressed and i don’t wanna step in there as someone who isn’t #nothing wrong with it! at all! i just don’t have the capacity to since i go nonverbal when i regress. no thoughts head blissfully empty #anyways this wasn’t supposed to be a vent post let’s change the topic! #anywhooo what else did i come on here to say. oh yeah #i lowkey forgot how much regressing has helped me in the past until i was able to really indulge myself in it again recently #it’s so nice to just be small and hand someone else the reins and forget abt everything other than doing something you enjoy #maybe one day i’ll be at a point in my life where i can fully regress more freely and more often but for now i’ll take what i can get #i’m also excited because i’ve been thinking abt ordering a paci from this one specific seller #and yesterday saw that they’re dropping a new batch of fall/halloween themed ones today!!! #so now i’ve gotta make myself stay awake until 6pm so i can jump on it when they’re available #which is a small struggle considering my nocturnal sleep schedule but i will do it nonetheless #that crescent moon patterned one Will Be Mine #trying to decide between buttercup yellow and schoolbus yellow for the clip #i think i’m more drawn to the vibrancy of the schoolbus yellow honestly #eeeeeee i’m excited i’ve been wanting to treat myself to ordering from this shop for a g e s and im finally gonna do it

[fakemagicjaye]

chapter 39 is~ going to be late~ wow who would have guessed~

#FORTUNATELY i'm on page 23 #UNFORTUNATELY there are 35 pages #it was going to be 33 then i had to add one and now i'm adding another one #because i am OUT OF CONTROL ;___;;;;; #lvl40/41 was supposed to be one chapter... then i split it in two and lvl41 is STILL 29 pages #anyway after that i will STOP #making them so long :v #i SWEAR #also the titles for 40/41 are good. another two-part title. #when i post them if you remember i said that you'll be like #wow your taste in chapter title names sucks #at this point you already know that tho :v #aaaaa the tags on my blog (the formating on desktop) is so ugly #especially when there's so muuuchhh #AND YET EVERY TIME I'M LIKE #DEAR DIARY MY GERANIUMS ARE WILTING AND I THOUGHT THEY NEEDED MORE WATER BUT THEY HAD TOO MUCH AND NOW I'M LIKE FUCK HOW DO I SAVE THEM #AND I LOOKED IT UP ONLINE AND WAS LIKE COOL I JUST NEED FUNGICIDE AND TO DO PLANT SURGERY #but the lady at the fungicide store was like #calm down #so the surgery will wait :v #if someone online says to do some crazy shit always consult the lady at the plant store first #general life advice #remember when this post was about my webcomic

[lesbianwithchainsaws]

Maybe I should make a website or blog to talk about horror movies. Not like on tumblr but just one in general. I probably wouldn't be very good with movie reviews, but I do like talking about horror movies and maybe something like that could be something to try?

#idk if anyone here would actually be interested im just using tumblr like a personal diary again and posting my thoughts #I'd have to look for some place to make a blog or website but i know theres stuff out there #it could be an idea #and it'd give me a way to be even more insane about horror movies #i think a youtube channel could also be cool to try but i genuinely am just not a fan of editing videos so writing stuff could be better?

[cicadaland]

I made a spacehey page and I'm going to set it up :) it's spacehey.com/houg

#I should also do some homework but like i want to do This as well #I think it would be fun... #and I would like to make like longform blog posts on there #although that would mean blogging in THREE places my diary my tumblr and my spacehey #Maybe I could get my irl friends to do it but I am not sure if theyd be interested in this sort of thing.. #there's not really any algorithm or content its just for hanging out really #which they also might like WHO KNOWS #but if my irls are on there then id make more posts relevant to them i think... #and in the future when they write my exhaustive biography theyll just have to do some dot connecting to get the full picture of my life #bloggy

[mitamicah]

Returning the ask: 9, 20 and 76 :)

Hehehe nice :3

Thank you for the questions :D The answers will be under the line because I am babbling x'D

9. Tattoos I want:

Oh boy I have way too many ideas :'D Like you I am not great with needles but having learned that some piercing placements and tattoo needles in general are not bothering me that much comparred to hospital needles on top of me loving the result enough to endure the uncomfortability of the needles for a tme I have found myself addicted x'D (that said my longest tattoo session so far has been 2 hours so I might change tune the day I try a full day session x'D)

Here's a list of ideas I have rn that may or may not come true (the ones with the asterix are the ones I have the most faith in will happen while the ones with the " at the end are ones where I need help from somebody else to get the idea across):

'Are You' written on my arm in Bojan's handwriting "

Lyrics from Cha Cha Cha under my chest (with some sort of visual on the chest itself - rn thinking of a fox in the bolero) post top surgery *"

SOMETHING from a talented artist in Finland * (this may seem vague and it is - the deal is that I have a date where I want to get a tattoo yet challenged myself to chose a flash or available design from an artist so to not overthink the design as I sometimes tend to do)

A fox with flowers on my right shoulder (a flash from an artist I like)

An eevee next to Flapjack on my left arm

A bulbasaur with spiked collar and/or bowlcut hair

Spirit with or without Little Creek from Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmarron somewhere on my left arm

A converse shoe with the words 'I lost my dam shoe' around it on my shin

Misteltoe branches around my rune tattoo on my left arm

The tree birds concept (x) over my right collarbone or on my right thigh

A candle under my left knee

My singer alias logo somewhere on my arm or leg

I've kept the explainations at the miminum here yet if you are curious about any of the ideas feel free to ask :3

20. Height:

I'm pretty happy with being able to say that I am around the height of the average Danish guy :3 (177-8 cm/5,10'') Tbh that is one thng I've always been very grateful for even before learning that I was trans :'D

76. Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn't?

Probably singing in front of people: When I was younger I was told by my mother and sister especially that my singing voice was shit and I believed them, and yet now I run to karaoke events lke a moth to a flame, sing tenor in a choir and make my own songs from time to tme. I love being proven wrong sometimes x'D

Another one is wearing a crop top or just in general having an exposed midsection out in public. This is another thing that in part has been influenced by my mother since she was very keen on putting me and her in a box together as 'people who were too big to be wearing crop tops'. (the other reason I never thought I'd do it is my own insecurities with my body that is influenced by gender dysphoria). This one I have to thank Käärijä and the kääryleet for debunking for me: Who cares if I am not 'the right size' for a crop top!?

I think that was it for now :3 thank you for the question yet again :D

#the more I rant about the tattoos I want the more I am tempted to make it a series on my secondary (diary) blog x'D #just me going into details with all my ideas :'D #so to also see which ones stand the test of time :3 #another detail not mentioned here about my tattoo ideas is that I sort of want to make my right into a 'small pals' arm #meaning that it will be an arm full of little tattoos of cute characters and animals #it is where I have my first tattoo being flapjack from the owl house #so I feel like it would be cute just filling out my arm (half or full sleeve) with similar little guys :D #hence why I was thinking about putting Eevee Bulbasaur and Spirit there #and maybe if I find tattoo artist with adorable lttle original creatures they could go on that arm as well #can you imagine me wth a sleeve full cute little guys :'D? #it would be so nice :'D #so yeah lots of ideas so little tme x'D #replies

[netscapenavigaytor]

i probably about to go thruogh my likes again i think.updates on my life:

i have a job (i have had it for like a month or two now i forgot to mention it OOPS) its just dollar general cashier though.

i learned how to solder and fixed my broken xbox (i jumped a power trace it was scary). i feel like i will need more practice if i want to do anything more complex and risky but im happy i succeeded at what i set out to do

still in the ouroboros death spiral of jet set radio headcanon bullshit

im listening to linkin park hybrid theory right now cuz i dont listen to it as often as i oughta. crawling didnt deserve to become a "loledgy" meme song

ive been low energy for too much discord talking because of busy with stuff but hopefully it will normalize again because im no longer thinking about soldering LOL

#error 0 #i like to just say things hi everypony #<- My sibling points out every time i say everypony. but its only making me do it more #this is just how it is. #also i kind of want to be slightly more diary on thsi blog tbh bc its just nice to have a log of these things #and for some reason its more fun for me to say this stuff publicly than write it to myself #memories of spore rp community creations of peoples' fursonas giving brief life updates... #makes me want to make like. Images of my sonas to just append to these posts much like a spore spaceship life update #but maybe that would annoy people LOL #well to be fair if you go to this blog you have to deal with getting so much of Me. that's your mistake #but yknow

[sotogalmo]

5:11

Another snippet of my Vanessa fic.

She's so Evillious Chronicles coded

A fic for @send-me-a-puffalope

(I've been adding things, and all. Will be getting more snippets when I have more written!)

#time diary(?) #audrey/kellie's time diary #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fnaf movie #vanessa afton #vanessa shelly #garrett schmidt #fnaf fic #fnaf movie fic #in every fnaf movie fic i just have to have garrett there. lil guy is the start and he should be more focused on #(me and the other top garrett blogs agree with this) #thats why i have like. my Yard Fire AU starting with Mike and the whole “son of white” thing. Garrett has a big part there #oh. also in other lives too. He has a big influence on the Aftons. Casside first. William etc etc. those are the main ones #outside of mike. William is first actually. Garrett went over to his place and just. yk. “decided to be a bitch” (Will's words) #and (i think) judge him for what he has done. Garret's goal is to make all evil leave earth. and he's going to start #with the greedy guy. Gluttony is just over-indulgents(?) #mainly seen with food and drinks. and i do like that. but the Sins are more complex or actually more easy then #So. Garrett just over-indulge in getting rid of evil that he eats for comfort yk? jehshfjshdhshhs #sorry. Yard Fire AU is in my head that i gotta talk about it tbh

[junkie-virus]

anyways. i have been feeling vaguely unsatisfied with media. mainly queer media . i dont know it all feels the same. of course maybe i could widen my horizons though i dont know where to start but im kind of tired of the halfway-redonating. i can never really fully resonate with any queer media because it only wver focuses on one identity in a way i can’t relate to because mines are heavily influenced by one another . only ever gay/bi. only ever trans. only ever white. only ever allo. etc etc

#ro rambles #i dont know this makes sense but this is my diary im writing in bloodsoaked with my sparkly pink pen and a fuzzy end with a cat bell and ri #bons #also u can literally never ever escape top/bottom bullshit in fandom. its a neverending powerplay #i do enjoy contrast ships but its always one enjoying one being coy or shy or reluctant or whatever. #idk im not even one of those niche high class media people or whatever i just want more trope subversion #or allowing characters to be versatile & dynamic (ha half joke) #not just one note always #idk im alays looking for ways to subvert things and that does lead to me being like “is this even in character anymore? like the obvious ch #oice is obvi because their personality would influence them into making that choice. but u can make it in character hilst making them choos #something that seems unexoected for them. yk. #im rmbling. #because its my blog and i can. #(aggressive) #i encourage recs but if its geaveyard boys or whatever its called dont do it i already bought and tried reading & dod not like it. #dropped it but so desperate maybe ill try it again #i just have a grudge bc its one of tge only rep i have covering like. an okay amount of bases & that i was hoping to relate to #BECAUSE EVERYONE SUGGESTS IT WHEN YOU ASK FOR BOOKS WITH THAT CERTAIN REP #& it dissapointed me #ah well #im talking. im talking . #trying to make my own gay people. settling on that. though character deesign hard…. #my thoughts are nowhere near fone but this is liter so stream of consciousness that theres no point #no sense #im just yappin #am a professional #could fo this forever

[wheelie-butch]

I'm so tired but I am fighting still..... I have emailed an acquaintance who actually works at the students union to ask for her help in sorting out disabled access except I've had to ask for an in person meeting so I can kind of tactfully explain that I'm going to her rather than the actual disability officer because the disability officer is a huge bitch who bullied/harassed me and several other physically disabled people out of the disability society because she only cares about other ND people and i now get panic attacks when interacting with her and the students union ignored our complaints.... so I need this random other woman to help me instead. AND I DONT GET PAID FOR ANY OF THIS. for my disabled siblings i will fight on for minutely more access.

#mez speaks #hi i guess this blog is my diary today hiiiii #ableism #i think this surgery has already improved my pain and fatigue so like. it sucks still but the easiest life gets for me the more important #it is that i keep trying and making these little gains. even if i wish they were big ones

[merevide]

#i gotta invest in a diary. badly. #thing is i never used to talk this much either i reblogged and i went. idk what happened to that can we bring that back @merevide #the og post said 13 likes btw and 13 likes on a fucking text post is basically striking gold on here my god #thank u isa for going through my blog sometimes and liking my dumb post u enable me to make more. half joke sometimes i post knowing #i’m gonna get zero likes but then sometimes i get like 2 likes and it’s like omg life has purpose and color and stuff like that #but i post bc it feels right in my soul. mostly. listen i don’t think. about anything at all #but all love if u see my dumb unthoughtout posts and like. makes me happy why am i sappy I SHOULD SLEEP #this strayed from the og point afshdjdj #my text

[toastsnaffler]

enter the gungeon is so fun i cant believe its taken me this long to check it out

#maan i missed playing dungeon crawlers #ive only gotten down to the 4th level so no spoilers.. verdict so far is that its relatively simple but well made. feels pretty tidy #i thought i wouldnt like the art style but actually its warmed on me i think its kinda cute now. ive def played uglier rogues #also JUICY stack of achievements to work thru thats what we like to see baby!! i only have 4/54 so far the grind is ON #i like when theyre not just 'reach lvl 1. reach lvl 2. reach lvl 3' like its fun to have achievements be an extra little challenge #bc reaching the levels is already rewarding enough in its own right and youd do that as part of the process of playing anyway... #if that makes sense. like i prefer when its smth u have to go a bit out of your way to get. as long as its not heavily tied to probability #ending achievements are cool tho bc those r satisfying + its nice to have them on steam so ppl know youve completed a game #ANYWAY. also i should have more reliable internet connection now so i can stop clawing at the walls and blog more instead :3 #ok back to my gaming byeee #.diaries

[americanrecord]

there is an anon ask that i cannot fetch from my feed on my computer........losing patience

#i can only see it on my phone #and i cant effectively and efficiently procrastinate from work if i have to switch devices #will probably make a new blog tonight or something #i don't like the vagueness of my tagging system anyway #and like 3 of my beta readers have disappeared!! so i might need to ask for one more </3 #✯ — diary entries.

[abyssalpriest]

I think whatever I end up doing the lesson is at its core "you need to stop seeing all attempts at saying you experience something as you taking up too much space and being dangerous, and you also need to understand everyone always makes mistakes sometimes (nothing anyone thinks is fully right) and you're not lesser and amateur at channelling because you aren't fully right, and also some third thing he says there is but idk what it is"

#Bc I don't want to be an authority anyway I just want to have fun embodying my role as a channeller of his like.... #And IDK I think at some point I need to understand that cycles of abuse happen when people think they're owed something and that others #deserve to go through what they went through. But I.... Am so against continuing the cult cycle that I sit here making light of #my life's work and not respecting is at all on the off chance it might negatively impact anyone in any way bc negative impact on my mind is #just immediately equalled to Cult Activity in my head. But like. Bruh. I don't even like interacting w people that much and I have the #Schizotypal Thing of not having an impulse to make new friends let alone a fuckin cult #Anyway. I need to stop catastrophising ''it would be nice to make this whole channelling Leviathan into an official thing #and test the limits of channelling and divination and whatnot'' into ''oh my god that's making myself an authority like he said not to do #and also that's just borderline making a cult that's continuing cycles of abuse'' bruh. Me occasionally doing a reading about his opinions #on something for someone else while making sure that someone understands my disclaimers that it's being translated through me/etc #Or something like that. Is not..... Declaring myself an authority on anything nor roping them in to rely on me ESPECIALLY when I always #explain how you SHOULDN'T rely on me as fact bc it's never fact like that's.... #Anyway. I should've expected this now that I think about it bc he often works with spiritual consultants for human groups and shit like #And he is endlessly humbling lbfr he always tells people who are worth working with when they're being dumb/etc and I want to be #Worth working with. Anyway. God hello I Need More by Misanthrop. ''I need more I need nothing I need more I need nothing'' yeah exactly #That's already a leviathan song this context is absolutely a mood. There is a MIDDLE GROUND. #Anyway again this is years away but #I'm way too socially anxious to do anything close to the thing like this blog just Existing is already testing all my social buttons but hey #ramblings // #Diary //