#makes me cry the most. when cristina said 'you were the only person i wanted to tell' omg im literally tearing up writing that line omfg | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

arcturusreads · 3 years

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you are such a good writer. everything you write makes me want a part 2. possibilities has me on the edge of my seat rn. part 2 is needed please

Possibilities Part Two - Merhayes

Thank you so much, lovely! I hope this is the part 2 you needed! You guys can find part one here!

Eventually, Meredith had managed to find the strength to leave the supply closest. Furiously, she had wiped away her tears and tried to steady her breath. After giving herself a few moments and praying that her eyes were red and puffy from the tears, she opened the door and looked around to see there was no one else nearby. She straightened out her scrub top and began walking down the corridor to the elevator.

There was no plan of attack. Meredith had no clue whether she should go and fin Cormac now or give him some time to cool down. He had been so angry with her, a feeling from him that had never once been directed towards her before. But he was angry under the misconception that Meredith didn’t care about him, that she didn’t want to be with him and that couldn’t be further from the truth.

The argument in her head went back and forth, not sure whether to see him now or text him later. It made her feel overwhelmed to the point she could feel the blood pounding in her ears. Everything had been going so well between the two of them. It never felt like an effort to talk to Cormac, to find the open opportunities in her day to spend time with him. It was just easy with him but never boring. No, Cormac Hayes constantly kept her on her toes.

Meredith wasn’t quite sure how, but she had made it up to her ward, autopilot had kicked in to take her to the place in the hospital where she felt in the most control, bar the OR. This ward was her queendom and no one questioned her rule. This was her safe place whilst other areas of her life felt like there were falling apart. Right now, when she felt so out of control with the situation with Cormac, she knew that this place would calm her mind for long enough to get through the rest of her shift.

“Dr Grey!”

Meredith was jolted out of her thoughts and found Miranda standing next to her. She knew that the Chief of Surgery only ever called her Dr Grey in two situations, in front of patients and interns or when she was in trouble. With no patients or interns around, the latter could be the only reason, but Meredith couldn’t find herself caring.

“Yes, Dr Bailey?” Her tone was weary, voice still a little croaky from the crying.

Taking a proper look at Meredith’s face, Bailey could see something wasn’t quite right. Her Chief of General Surgery was normally a battle-axe of a woman. Sure, she had seen Meredith annoyed, angry and frustrated at work but today she looked broken and that just didn’t sit right with her.

“Can we go to your office?”

“Uh, sure?” Meredith wasn’t quite sure why Bailey wanted to see her privately but didn’t even have the energy to question it.

Silently they walked into the room. Meredith shut the door behind them as Miranda took a seat on the teal two-seater.

“Look, if this is about the schedules I’m sorry but we’re down two general surgeons since we haven’t filled in Andrew’s or Jo’s posts so-“

Miranda cut her off, “Meredith, just breathe for a second. I’m not here to have a go at you about the schedules, I don’t care about that right now.” She patted the spot next to the sofa. “I’m more concerned about you. What’s going on, Grey?”

“Nothing’s going on.” Meredith crossed her arms over her chest defensively.

Pursing her lips and arching a brow, Miranda didn’t let up. “Mhm, and the sky is purple. Sit your butt down and talk to me, Grey.”

Begrudgingly, Meredith took a seat next to Miranda. She had that tone of voice that she had used the entire way throughout their intern year. The one that told Meredith that there was no room for arguments. You were going to listen to Miranda Bailey or not live to see the end of the day.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Stubborn babies. Miranda Bailey had raised a bunch of stubborn babies who didn’t know what to do that was good for them.

“I’m not your boss here, Meredith. Just your friend. You and Richard were there for me when I miscarried. Now, I know that something isn’t right with you so we can sit here all day but you’re going to tell me what’s going on with you.”

Sighing, Meredith uncrossed her arms and began to fiddle with the hem of her scrub top. “As my friend, not my boss, right?” She knew that as the Chief, Bailey would have been less than impressed that Cormac and Meredith kept their relationship from HR.

Miranda nodded at her, hoping that Meredith would trust her enough to open up. As long as she hadn’t done anything illegal that would put the hospital and her medical licence at risk, then Miranda could take of the Chief of Surgery hat for a minute to be there for Meredith.

Taking a deep breath, Meredith knew that she needed to get this off of her chest and talk to someone else about it. “It’s me and Cormac,” she muttered quietly.

“You’re gonna have to speak up, Grey.”

“Me and Cormac.”

Miranda nodded in understanding, “You two finally got your act together and started dating yet?”

“Ye- wait, what?” Meredith took a moment to register what Bailey had said.

When she looked up at her, she was wearing a knowing smirk on her face. “We’re surgeons, Meredith. We’re not dumb and we’re definitely not blind. This whole hospital has been holding their breath waiting for the two of you to stop being such chicken and do something about what we all know is between the two of you.”

“I-uh,” Meredith wasn’t quite sure what to reply.

Her sisters and Jo had teased her about Cormac ever since he had started working at Grey-Sloan. She’d always thought it was just because she’d stupidly mentioned that Cristina had sent him as a ‘gift’ but maybe they had seen something there that she had been blind to for a while. Apparently, the whole hospital staff had seen it.

“You aren’t denying it,” Bailey continued as she waited for a response.

Relenting, Meredith decided to come out and tell Miranda everything. Like ripping a plaster off a wound. “We’ve been together for four months.” She didn’t miss Bailey’s eyebrows shooting up but didn’t stop for her to comment. “Or we were together? I don’t know, Bailey. I feel like I’ve messed it up. He’s so angry and I’ve never seen him like that before.”

“Okay, honey, just breathe for a second.” Seeing that Meredith was visibly shaking, Miranda clasped her hands around the general surgeon’s. “I can’t help if you don’t tell me everything but I’m sure that whatever’s gone on to make him that angry can’t be that bad.”

Miranda knew that her Chief of Paediatric Surgery had a bit of a temper at times. His passions for his work and his patients often meant he would end up in arguments. So, surely, whatever had happened between the two of them couldn’t have been that bad.

Taking a few deep breaths with Miranda, Meredith stopped shaking and began to tell Miranda of the argument that had happened only moments beforehand. Miranda listened carefully, not interrupting and making sure that Meredith didn’t get overwhelmed again.

“I’ve ruined everything between us, Bailey. The look on his face when he left…”

If there was one thing that Miranda Bailey was known for, it was tough love. Especially when it came to her intern class and today was no exception to the rule.

“Meredith Grey, you’re telling me that you’re just going to sit here and not fight for that man? I know you better than that, Grey.”

“What if he doesn’t want me to fight?”

“You’re going to let that stop you? Meredith, you might not have told anyone that you’ve been together the past four months, but I can tell you now that I’ve seen you around this hospital recently. I haven’t seen that same spark in your eyes since… since Derek.”

Miranda slowly softened her tone, “Meredith, I know you’re scared of what’s between you and Cormac but when are you going to stop telling yourself that you don’t deserve a second chance at love?”

“I didn’t say that!” Meredith jumped in, defensively.

Miranda rolled her eyes, “You don’t that I haven’t known you for long enough to know what you’re like? To know what you’re thinking? Meredith, you be honest with me here because it’s only the two of us, how do you feel when you’re with Cormac?”

There was a time where Miranda Bailey would have shut down any conversation that came close to knowing about the personal lives of her colleagues. Especially their love lives. But there she had learnt that there was no getting away from it. People like Meredith and Richard were a part of her family now, she found herself caring about them, including the parts of their personal lives she used to dodge like the plague.

“You don’t need to do this, Bailey.” Meredith was hunched over, staring at her trainers and Miranda took that opportunity to quickly shoot a page to Hayes.

“Oh, I know I don’t. I’m busy, I have a hospital to run but I want to. So, how about you stop evading my question and give me an answer.”

Meredith rubbed her “I don’t know. Good, I guess.”

“Good? You guess? That’s the best you’ve got, Grey? For a man that you’ve secretly been dating for the past four months. If you don’t give me a better answer, I’m suspending you.”

“You can’t do that!”

“You kept a relationship with a colleague secret for months and didn’t inform HR. I can and I will.” Miranda knew she wouldn’t, but she also knew that right now, Meredith wouldn’t want to call her bluff.

Meredith pushed herself up off of the sofa and began to pace. “This is ridiculous!”

There was a silence as Miranda didn’t respond and Meredith knew that she wasn’t getting out of this one. Letting out a huff, she turned away from Bailey and rested her hands on her desk.

“It feels like home when I’m with him. I could be having the worst day possible and if here’s there, next to me, I feel like everything is going to be okay. And he believes in me, but he won’t let me settle, he’s always there to keep pushing me to be better, to be more. It’s scary, Bailey because I haven’t felt like this since, Derek. I didn’t think it was possible. I knew I could fall in love again, but I didn’t know I could feel like this again. And now I feel like I’ve just thrown it all away before we could even have a proper chance. I was scared and I didn’t want to push him into something he might have felt uncomfortable with but I’ve just pushed him away altogether now. I don’t know what to do.”

Meredith turned around, hoping that Bailey would give her some answers but instead, standing in front of her was Cormac.

“You couldn’t have just told me all that yourself?” His voice broke slightly, and Meredith could see that he’d been crying as well.

“How…?” She wasn’t quite sure how he’d come to her office and Miranda had disappeared.

“Bailey paged me, told me to come up here.”

“So, you heard everything?”

Cormac nodded, “I don’t understand why you couldn’t tell me all of that, Mer. If you were scared, all you had to do was say. You didn’t even have to say why.”

Silent tears fell down Meredith’s face, “I’m sorry.” It was all she managed to get out.

Cormac stepped towards her and wrapped his arms around her small frame, kissing the top of her head.

“I love you too, you insane woman. You drive me crazy but I promise you, you’ll never push me away.

#grey's anatomy #merhayes #meredith x cormac #meredith grey #cormac hayes #hayes x grey #excuse me whilst i rearrange the alphabet

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dontmindmyshadowhunting · 3 years

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Dru meets Ash (Fan Fic)

This is Chap 6 of “Welcome to Faerieland”, a sequel to my Kitty Fan Fic "To never being parted" although it can be read as a standalone story.

Dru meets Ash (again, although she doesn’t know they have already met) in this Chapter.

AO3 Link here.

*****

Jaime and Dru landed a little away from a clearing where a revel was being held. Jaime hastily slipped the Eternidad back into his pocket. He would give it back to Cristina eventually, but in the meantime, he knew she had no trouble being escorted in and out of the Unseelie Court whenever she wanted to. Perks of being the King’s girlfriend.

Jaime and Dru had both dressed in faerie clothes, in order to blend in. Dru was wearing a long azur blue dress that brought out the color of her eyes. It fell just above her ankles, revealing high-heeled boots (conveniently hiding a few daggers). An upturned collar and long sleeves covered the marks on her neck and arms, though the low-cut neckline would inescapably draw anyone’s attention to her cleavage. Her dark brown hair was efficiently pulled into an elegant bun. Where Jaime and Dru’s skin showed, both had covered their marks with concealer.

As they walked toward the revel, and the music grew louder, Dru turned to Jaime. “I have to go find a friend of Nene’s. She may help us locate Ty and Kit. It’s better if I go alone, she knows the Blackthorns very well but she’s a bit wary around other Shadowhunters. Don’t stay too far, though. And of course, I don’t need to tell you not to drink or eat anything.”

“No, you don’t,” Jaime answered a little harshly. Blackthorns knew a great deal about the Fair Folk, but so did the Rosales, he wanted to remind her.

When they had finally joined the party, Dru waved at a faerie woman with blue hair and purple eyes who was standing next to a tent, in deep conversation with a kelpie, and left Jaime to stand awkwardly at the edge of the forest.

He had not been there five minutes when a fey swooped in to offer some refreshments.

“No, thanks,” he replied immediately, lifting one of his hands reflexively to prevent the fey from coming any closer.

“Are you certain? Mundanes are particularly fond of this one,” he said, pointing to a blue drink, “it makes you look younger. Not that you need it, of course.”

“Huh. Is there a drink that makes you grow like two years older, without altering your appearance?” The faerie stared at him aghast. Jaime couldn’t blame him. “Never mind, very stupid question,” Jaime mumbled.

Dru appeared then, her eyes glowing in excitement. She grabbed his hand and pulled him into the forest.

“So... any information on where we could find your brother and Kit?”

“Have you ever been to a revel before?” She replied, ignoring his question.

“Hum. No, but Cristina told me a bit about them…”

“Come over here,” she said as she drew him further into the forest. She stopped in front of a tree, put both her hands on his chest and pushed him against the trunk. His back hit the wood with a loud thump but it was mostly drowned by the sound of his heart beating in his chest.

Her gaze was intense, dark eyelashes batting seductively over her blue-green eyes. Jaime swallowed.

“Er- Dru, what are you doing? Aren’t we supposed to go hunting for Ty and Kit?”

“Relaaax. What happens in Faerie stays in Faerie, doesn’t it?”

She bit her lower lip and he gasped.

“God, Dru, those lips…” Jaime choked. His thoughts were becoming more and more incoherent.

“Can I… kiss you?” she asked.

“God, yes. Please.” Jaime slumped against the tree trunk, feeling all the tension leave his body at once.

Dru closed her eyes and he did the same. As she pressed her full lips against his, he could feel blood burning through his veins like wildfire. Yes, yes, finally. He could be struck by lightning - he probably would - he didn’t care. He would die a happy man.

She bit his lower lip and he could taste his own blood, but he didn’t mind. Feisty little Dru. He brought his hands on either side of her face to cup her cheeks, but instead of soft skin he felt a very light... stubble. He pulled away immediately and found himself staring into a pair of bright blue eyes, the colour of a summer sky. Kit Herondale was smiling at him, his grin as mischievous as ever but somehow it looked wrong. All wrong.

“What does your heart truly desire, little Shadowhunter?” he said, cocking his head, and it was not his voice, but a woman’s voice.

From one moment to another, Kit’s blond hair and blue eyes were replaced by a faerie woman with gray fine hair drifting around a pale face, her skin smooth and ageless. He was staring at a leanansidhe. He cursed himself. What a fool he had been.

He stepped back, feeling sick, and hit something hard behind him. He was about to turn when he was dealt with a blow on the head. His sight blurred and he barely had the time to blink before he fell into unconsciousness.

****

As she was talking to Nene’s friend, Dru saw Jaime disappear into the forest with a faerie. What the hell was he thinking? They weren’t here to have fun.

She thanked her contact, who unfortunately didn’t have any information, and moved to where Jaime had vanished inside the forest.

The tree trunks were spaced, but their branches leafy and close enough that it was difficult to see beyond a few feet. She cursed Jaime silently as she got deeper inside the woods, the sounds of the revel now receding and being replaced by the sounds of nocturnal animals and insects. She thought about all the horror movies that warned you from doing just that.

If it wasn’t for her years of Shadowhunter training she wouldn’t have heard the soft footfalls behind her. She stepped further into the forest until she was at an advantageous position for a fight and whirled to face her stalker. It was a very tall faerie knight dressed in elegant velvety clothes. Probably gentry and part of the King’s guard. He smiled at her and she kept herself from shivering from the coldness of his grin.

“What are you doing here all alone, little girl?”

He probably thought she was a helpless mundane with the Sight. Admittedly, she didn’t look like the Shadowhunter women type, with her curvy figure.

“Minding my own business. As you should.”

“Do you know there are dangerous creatures lurking in these woods?”

“I definitely do. And let me tell you a secret…” She cupped her hand around her mouth and spoke in a stage whisper. “I am the scariest one of them.”

The faerie knight laughed.

“I am Ruadhan Fairburn. I used to be one of the best knights of King Kieran’s guard, and I have met him personally once. I am also acquainted with Gwyn ap Nudd, of the Wild Hunt. You certainly don’t frighten me.”

Oh, no. He did have a reputation as one of the realm’s best fighters, before King Kieran had suggested he retire, probably due to his attitude.

She mimed checking her watch (although she wasn’t wearing any). “Oooh, so it’s already time for a bit of name-dropping? Sorry, none of these ring a bell.”

No need to tell him she had seen Gwyn cry in front of Love actually a week before, on Friday’s movie night, and that she affectionately called King Kieran Kiki.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. When I am done with you, my name will be printed in your memory.”

“Hmmm. Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll pass.” She started running her hand through her hair casually, intending to pull out her hair stick made with adamas. It was a gift from Jem who had it made by Sister Emilia.

The faerie’s expression turned furious. “I am not really giving you a choice,” he said in a clipped tone.

An audible sigh had them both whip their head toward the general direction of the sound.

A few feet away, up a large tree, a boy - or rather a young man judging by his frame and the length of his long limbs - was lounging on the thickest branch. He was reading, holding his book high, so Dru could not see his face, only white blond hair tucked behind pointy ears. He was dressed in stunning finery, all black, his collar turned up. He was wearing dark silk gloves and his long fingers were splayed across the cover of his book. He was most certainly part of the gentry, or even royal blood, Dru thought.

“You heard the lady,” he said in a bored voice, and Dru could not help but startle at the sound. It was a beautiful, lyrical voice. “She is not interested. Now, move along. Go hump a tree or something.”

“Excuse me?” the faerie knight spluttered, his delicate features set in a mask of shock. “Do you know who I am?”

“I don’t know who you are, but I know what you are, and that’s enough to convince me not to develop our budding relationship any further,” he answered, turning a page.

The knight started to advance on him, but the blond faerie didn’t even lift his nose from his book. With a flick of his hand, he had the faerie knight hauled away like a puppet, as if a giant invisible hand had grabbed him from behind.

“Don’t move any closer. What did I just say about me not wanting to develop our relationship further? Have you never been taught how to take no for an answer?”

The faerie knight was seething but he backed away, walking in reverse, before he whirled and disappeared inside the deep forest.

“Thanks, I guess.” Dru said, relaxing her stance. “Although we could have avoided the drama. I had the situation quite in hand before you intervened. I could have knocked him out before he had the chance to spell out the word asshole.”

The faerie laughed, and it was a beautiful chime sound.

“Ladies shouldn't have to dirty their hands,” he said, as if she had not just uttered the word “asshole”, disqualifying her as such.

“What century do you live in?” she asked, shaking her head. “Anyway, I am a Shadowhunter, dirtying my hands is part of the job description.”

She saw his whole body suddenly tense. Slowly, he brought the book down, just enough to reveal a pair of green eyes under delicate blond eyebrows. As soon as he caught sight of her, his eyes widened in surprise and he let the book fall on the ground, the resulting thump muffled by the grass.

In a single swift and elegant motion, he had jumped from his tree and was standing a few feet away, facing her.

Up close, she could see his eyes were a clear emerald green. It made her think of grass fields glowing under the spring sun. His features were sharp and ethereal, his white blond hair tousled as if they had caught wind. Physically, he was the opposite of Jaime, all pale white and thin silvery curls where Jaime had brown golden skin and dark thick hair. They both had a lean figure and a debonair manner, but where Jaime was almost gangly, the faerie was all graceful moves and regal stance.

He is absolutely gorgeous, Dru admitted reluctantly. And he was watching her as if he knew all the secrets of her heart, as if he had always known her and was merely returning to her after leaving for a short while.

Although she was almost certain she had never met him, something about him struck her as oddly familiar. She was idly wondering whether her mind had conjured up one of the princes of her books. Maybe, he was the product of her own fantasy and he would disappear from one blink to another… But no, she had not been the only one to see him. Get a grip, she told herself.

“It’s you,” he breathed.

Dru tried to regain her composure. She straightened up as she answered. “It’s definitely me.” She had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.

“Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight, For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night,” he whispered in a daze.

By the Angel, his voice. Everything about him ensnared your senses, enticed you to love and worship him. But Dru knew better than to let herself be fooled by men’s - especially faerie men’s - spells and enchantments.

She swallowed and answered in her most detached voice. “Shakespeare. Romeo meets Juliet. Act I Scene 5. Already bringing out the heavy artillery, I see. Do you always quote other people’s work to make yourself interesting? Or do you actually have a personality?”

The strange prince was taken aback for a second. Then, slowly, a grin spread across his face. He was breathtaking when he smiled.

“Oush,” he replied, miming a sword stabbing through his chest. “That went straight through my heart.”

“This line may work its spell on the naive and gullible girls you usually manage to sweep off their feet, but it definitely doesn’t work on me.” Dru sniffed.

The fey cocked his head, as if he was inspecting a strange wild animal.

“You assume that I am trying to seduce you?”

She rolled her eyes and whirled, avoiding to stare at him for too long. He was quite intimidating. And she needed to find Jaime.

“Don’t be a jerk, in addition to being a cliché,” she said without a backward glance, as she walked away. She could hear the sound of his laugh behind her, echoing in the forest like ringing bells.

****

Tagging @gabtapia sorry I’ve been so busy lately but I am definitely back now with more chapters.

#cassandraclare #cassandra clare fan fiction #the wicked powers #the dark artifices #jaime rosales #drusilla blackthorn #ash morgenstern #ash and dru #dru and ash #ash x dru #dru x ash #tda fanfiction #tsc fanfiction #the shadowhunters chronicles icons #the shadowhunter chronicles

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jazy3 · 3 years

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Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 17X13

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Oh my gosh! Wow! There’s so much to say about this episode. I'm so glad that Meredith woke up and appears to be on the mend. As much as I loved the beach, I am ready for Meredith to rejoin society and the land of the living and get back to doing what she does best! I'm glad that Meredith got closure and that we as fans got closure too not just with Derek but with George as well. The beach wedding scene was perfect and the dialogue throughout was great.

I laughed out loud multiple times and Meredith and Derek’s scenes were both funny and bittersweet. I particularly liked Meredith and Derek's lines about how Meredith hates weddings, but Ellis hates the Post It Note story and wishes they had a big wedding. That she would give her that big wedding if she could. I felt like she was also saying she would give Derek that big wedding if she could. I also loved their conversation about Amelia. Derek told her what she needed to hear. Sometimes losing someone close to you at a young age makes you stronger and sometimes it turns you into Amelia.

Amelia has grown so much, but she spent most of her life a mentally unstable drug and alcohol addicted mess spiralling out of control in large part because she witnessed the brutal murder of her father at the age of five. And that’s not to say that Derek wasn’t just as screwed up by what happened to their Dad. He like Amelia became a neurosurgeon always chasing the high. He stayed in a loveless marriage he hated and when Addison cheated on him with Mark he moved to Seattle where he pretended to be single and pursued a relationship with Meredith.

Even after he and Meredith got together, he lied and cheated and repeated that pattern over and over again. First with Nurse Rose and then with Renee his research fellow in D.C. Derek could be selfish, cruel, hypocritical, and jealous. While Amelia’s scars and trauma were more obvious and blatant Derek was just as affected as she was it just showed up differently. Derek makes it clear he does not want that for Zola, Bailey, and Ellis and after talking to him Meredith realizes that she doesn’t either.

I loved seeing Meredith talk about how well Amelia is doing and Derek saying, “I know!” From the moment Derek on the beach I had a feeling they were going to talk about Amelia and the kids and all of that and I’m glad they did. One of my favourite moments of the episode was when Meredith told Derek that Ellis hates the Post It Note story and wishes they had a big wedding and Derek said, "She gets that from my mother!" I loved that they showed Ellis’ drawing on the fridge when Maggie is talking to Winston on the phone.

I love that Meredith and Derek got their beach wedding like Derek talked about in Season 5 when he made Meredith a bed in front of the fireplace. She went from never wanting to get married to marrying Derek on a Post It Note, getting legally married at the court house so that they could adopt Zola, and then marrying him on the beach in her COVID dream and giving Derek and Ellis the big wedding he always wanted and the one Ellis dreams of. So beautiful. I’m glad that they got closure and that Meredith decided to go back and that she knows Derek will be waiting for her when she’s ready, when it’s her time. When she’s old and senile and smelly just like they promised.

But now is not that time. She has kids to raise. Patients to treat. Sisters, friends, and family that need her. And a certain Irish doctor who would very much like to take her for a drink once she’s feeling better. I loved that Meredith realized through talking to Derek that even though her body was tired her soul was still fighting and that she needed to go back to her life. I loved her scene with Zola when she woke up and said, "We love you so much," meaning both her and Derek. That Mommy and Daddy love her so much and that’s why Meredith came back. She gave up on an afterlife with Derek to be with her children, friends, and family in the real world. That was so beautiful.

I loved Maggie's talk with Zola. I love that she took what Catherine gave her about screaming out your feelings and used it to help Zola who has been through so much express her emotions in a healthy way. I really felt Zola's heartbreak and how much she missed her Mom and Dad. I'm glad that Maggie decided to take Zola to visit Meredith. It was risky, but it paid off. The set department did a great job with Zola’s room. When she’s sitting on her bed crying you can see the photo of Meredith and Derek holding her at her first birthday party. You can also see a sock monkey that she had at the dream house.

The slop of the roof indicates that her room is in the attic. At last we saw it Lexie was living in there and Mark was visiting her while they were sneaking around, and it was an unfinished space with wood panelling. It appears that since that time as her family expanded Meredith had the attic finished and turned into a proper bedroom for Zola. We don’t know how big the attic is so it’s possible that there are more rooms up there or that there are more rooms upstairs than what we’ve seen.

I'm glad that Derek was there for Meredith in her time of need and helped her find the will to fight even though she was exhausted. I'm interested to see what's next for Meredith. If we'll see her being discharged in the coming weeks or if they will do a time jump. Will we see her at home with the kids first or back at work? Will her and Hayes finally have that drink? If so, how soon? I want to know more! I’m excited to see Maggie tell her about her engagement to Winston and see her meet Winston properly and get to know him. I’m also excited for what I’m sure will be an emotional scene when she thanks Amelia and Link for taking care of her kids while she’s been sick.

I’m also expecting some very emotional scenes with Richard and Bailey. I’m interested to see how they will address DeLuca’s death. I’d also like to see Jackson’s reaction when he returns from his most recent quest and finds out that Meredith has woken up and is doing better. I’d also like to see someone notify Cristina, Alex, Arizona, Callie, and April that Meredith is doing better. I can’t wait to see Hayes’ reaction to finding out that Meredith is on the mend! My heart!

Now let us turn our attention to the other shenanigans that were going on at Grey Sloan Memorial this week while Meredith was busying getting closure with Derek and waking up. We saw Teddy back at work trying her best to move forward. I was glad to see that she found a therapist that works for her even though it has to be virtual due to the pandemic. I'm glad that Owen was there for her. She really needs a friend right now and as Owen said previously, he's well placed to be that person. I like that he backed her up, but also pointed out that she would be destroyed if something went wrong with Meredith. That lead to her paging Winston to scrub in with her which I think was the right call.

I think Owen did the right thing by rejecting her kiss but choosing to stay with her and let her cry and breakdown. She needs the support right now and while I’m not usually an Owen fan I think he did a good job supporting her this episode. I also really felt for him when he lost a patient he thought they were going to be able to discharge and struggled to tell the family. As he says to Teddy, they did this all the time during the way, but this is different. They are losing patients on a level that they’ve never experienced before, and they can’t even take a moment to catch their breath because they have more patients to treat and pronounce.

My heart breaks for the real life doctors and nurses who are dealing with stuff on a daily basis. It’s so hard. On a lighter note, I really loved Amelia and Link's patient storyline this week. It was funny and interesting, and it was great to see Amelia back in the OR. While it was wrong of Amelia to steal Link’s patient and I think she did overstep I understand why she was so eager to get back into the OR and she was right about what was wrong with the guy.

I understood Link’s anger and frustration, but I also appreciated that he understood Amelia and was there to support her and build her up. I like that he brought in Tom and had him on standby, but also showed complete confidence in Amelia. His line about how Amelia always likes to raise the stakes was hilarious and accurate. Another scene I loved was when Amelia and Link were leaving the hospital and Link thought she was using sexual innuendo and then she clarified that she needed to get home because her boobs felt like they were going to burst, and she needed to either pump or breastfeed. That one cracked me up!

We also saw some amazing acting by Caterina Scorsone when upon arriving home and finding Link’s parents looking after Bailey and Ellis, they rushed to the hospital thinking something was wrong with Meredith. Amelia was riding high from the surgery that day and when she thought Meredith had gotten worse, she panicked only to realize that Meredith’s condition hadn’t changed. Her sobbing and desperation as she said over and over again that she really needed Meredith to live were gut wrenching. Caterina did an amazing job.

I also really liked Bailey and Levi’s patient storyline. The peanut butter brittle woman who took up roller skating was the best! She was funny and helped Bailey see that you need to rest and also follow your joy. The scenes where the woman gave Levi the brittle and then he was smelling it made me laugh! As a result of treating that patient Bailey decided to reverse her earlier decision and let Jo switch specialities. While I’m not on board with that storyline I'm glad that Bailey decided to support Jo in following her joy. Making someone stay in a role they don't like will only make them resent you and make everyone involved unhappy.

That being said, I hate this career switching storyline. It’s so dumb. I've realized with this episode that my opinion on this storyline isn't ever going to change. If they use it as a segue for Jo adopting Luna that could be interesting, but watching Jo leave general surgery behind and re-specialize in OBGYN so she can stand on the sidelines while all the other characters do ground breaking work and cool procedures just seems dumb to me. I am not invested in this storyline at all.

Levi and Jo have great comedic timing which was on full display in this episode. Jackson was MIA this episode because he went roaring off on another one of his quests leaving the person he’s dating in the lurch and telling them about it after the fact. He took a leave of absence from work and then left Maggie a voicemail back in Season 15 telling her he needed some time to think and then went camping in the woods to look at trees which lead to him talking to April and texting a woman he met on this trip behind Maggie’s back. He then left her in the fog on a dark road in an area with bears at the end of Season 15.

Now he’s left Jo to go on an unknown quest that’s 11 hours away. When did Jackson become the guy that just vanishes at random to go do whatever the heck he wants? I was surprised that Nico asked Levi to move in with him at the end of the episode. That was not at all the answer that Levi was expecting so I understand why he ran off and said he promised Jo he'd do a movie night with her. Levi wanted to move in with Nico last season and Nico didn't want that, but instead of just saying that outright he dodged the topic and was a real jerk about it. That resulted in them breaking up and Levi moving in with Jo.

They only got back together because of the pandemic and in the intervening time Levi has grown as a person and no longer wants that kind of a relationship with Nico. When he told him that him leaving his bathroom bag at his place didn't mean he was going to move in with him he was being sincere. He just didn't want to have to keep carting his toothbrush back and forth all the time. In response Nico realized he's always running away from what scares him and pushing people away when they get too close and he wants to fix that, so he asked Levi to move in with him.

Therein lies their problem. They're never on the same page. When Levi wanted to move forward and take that next step Nico didn't want to. Now that Nico wants to move forward and take the next step Levi is no longer interested. What a dilemma. I also noticed that Jo and Levi had very similar outfits at the beginning of this episode. You know you’re becoming good friends with someone when you start unconsciously matching outfits.

Onto the next episode’s promo! We see Jackson driving in the rain, showing up on someone’s doorstep talking to himself about how his appearance might seem impulsive, but he has thought it through. The door opens to reveal April who is holding Harriet in between clips of his and April’s relationship. I have a few theories about this. First off, I think they are faking us out. If there was trouble in paradise and things weren’t going well with April and Matthew, they wouldn’t have had Jackson make a comment in the first half of the season about how Matthew is spending more time with Harriet then he and April are because they are taking more COVID shifts.

April is a deeply religious Christian woman whose faith is really important to her. She was vehemently opposed to getting a divorce even though her relationship with Jackson was clearly over because of her faith. Marriage is not something she takes lightly so I have a hard time seeing her divorce Matthew out of the blue because Jackson shows back up and is in crisis when her and Matthew have been together for the past three seasons and have been married for two.

Also, they are raising two children together and co-parenting one of those kids with Jackson. A lot of court services were shut down in the first few months of the pandemic for safety reasons which made it difficult to get a divorce and this episode takes place in June of 2020. So even if April and Matthew split up they couldn’t legally get a divorce very easily at this time and if April and Jackson got back together they would still have to interact with Matthew on a regular basis because they are co-parenting kids together and there’s no way that April would walk away from Ruby.

The only way I could see April and Jackson getting back together is if Matthew has died or fallen ill somehow. Otherwise I just don’t see it. I think they’re faking us out. I think the clips in the promo are there to entice japril fans and play into that because logistically I don’t see how a storyline in which April and Matthew suddenly divorce and April and Jackson get back together in one episode is possible.

Until next time!

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sissytobitch10seconds · 2 years

Text

You're My Person

Fandom: Grey's Anatomy Summary: Sometimes, your soul is made for one other person and only that person. Warnings: Mentioned/Implied unhealthy relationships Word Count: 1,408 Ship(s): Meredith Grey/Cristina Yang

Archive link!

They could hear the sounds of the waves lapping against the beach from their hotel room as the morning sun slowly started to creep across the floor from the window towards the bed. Meredith snorted as she began to wake up, her eyes pressing together for a moment before they fluttered open. "Morning," she mumbled as she could still feel the weight of her best friend in the bed next to her.

"Morning," Cristina echoed, though it sounded a bit more hollow than it had the morning before.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" the other woman asked as she sat up on the bed. Because this had been meant to be a honeymoon and not a best friend vacation like it had turned out to be, they were sharing a bed while they enjoyed everything that Cristina and her now ex-fiance were supposed to be doing.

"Yeah," she sighed again.

The blond turned to look at the other woman. "Is everything okay? We had a great time last night, and now you sound all sad. I know Derek said that I snored really bad but I didn't think that it was bad enough to make someone completely miserable in the span of four hours."

The raven-haired woman stayed silent for a moment. "I'm free," she murmured, her lips sticking together as she spoke.

"I know, you've been saying that since we came down here," Meredith giggled. She slipped off of the bed and then grabbed her shawl. She tugged it on over her shoulders as she walked over the chilled carpet to the massive glass balcony overlooking quite a bit of the island. "If you really hated being with Burke that much then why did you stay with him until you were left at the altar?"

"I don't know…" Cristina sat up in the bed. Her wild black locks fell over her shoulders and face as she looked after the other woman. "Why did you stay with Derek?"

Meredith shrugged. "I've never really dated before. I was too focused on college for the first four years and then my mother got Alzheimer's. It was a lot easier to just sleep with people then to try and figure out all of my abandonment issues. Derek was the first person I ever wanted to try it with, even if he wasn't willing to work with me on anything."

"He also lied to you," her best friend commented as she slipped from the bed and walked up behind the other doctor.

She leaned backwards so that her back was pressed into Cristina's shoulder and chest. Neither of them had been touchy people when they met, but they had both grown and changed as they suffered and flourished in their separate relationships. The fights that they had gotten in with their then boyfriends had brought them closer together as friends, maybe even too close. Over the course of the vacation they found themselves laughing more, crying less, and touching each other like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Burke also lied to you."

"I know, and I hated him for it. I wanted so badly for things to go back to the way they had been before. For a while everything was amazing. George was out of our apartment and he was nice to me. Things weren't awkward when we were at work even though everyone knew I was an intern dating an attending. We were in love, and there were no fights over moving in together or my apartment or anything. You think you have commitment issues but I have them worse. Finding out that he had lied to me about not having a tremor anymore and then yelling at me because he thought I only wanted to date him for power hurt. I carried his fucking kid."

"Yeah but you were going to get an abortion anyway," Meredith objected.

"I put up with attention from both my mother and his mother. They pressured me into getting a white dress when I wanted something blue, silver, or gold. They made me wear that stupid choker. He made me come up with vows. His mother took my eyebrows. She made me miserable for weeks because I had to plan this huge wedding even though I told him that I wanted something small and intimate," she huffed. "He never listened to me and what I wanted. He always wanted to push me into doing stuff that I was uncomfortable with."

"Sounds like a bad boyfriend. But at least he told you what he wanted. I could never figure out what Derek wanted from me," Meredith sighed. She felt the other woman slip her arms around her waist and she moved to rest her hand on top of them.

Cristina let out a small hum as they watched the sun begin to creep up over the ocean. "You always knew what I really wanted to do. You're my person."

"And you're mine," Meredith beamed. "I know you didn't want the dress but you did look very lovely in it."

"I did want to get married. I'm so mad that he didn't even really say goodbye. He just told me that he didn't want to marry me after making me go through all of that shit," she swore, pressing her forehead into Meredith's neck.

"He's an asshole," the blond agreed.

They were quiet for a moment, Cristina moving so that her chin was resting on her best friend's shoulder while they finished watching the sun rise like they had done every morning since coming down here. "Hey Mer, you and Derek aren't together anymore, right?"

"I don't think so. He wasn't very good at communicating even though I was trying my best," she shrugged. "I'm pretty sure he broke up with me after he said that he couldn't keep breathing for me."

The other woman went quiet again. She opened her mouth to say something a couple of times but then closed it again when she changed her mind. "What would you say if I… if I admitted something really intimate to you?"

"You're not pregnant again, are you?" Meredith asked, something that had become a bit of an inside joke between the two.

"No, you asshole," the doctor pulled off of her friend and punched her shoulder. She opened the big glass doors to their balcony and took a step out onto the cold concrete. The blond followed after her. "I just…" she paused as she sat down on the chair pointed out towards the ocean.

Meredith sat in the one that was pointed towards the other one. "You just what?"

"You're my person," she sighed.

"I know," the blond smiled and tilted her head to the side. "Cristina, what's going on?"

"I think I wanted to be marrying you," she blurted all at once. She turned her head to the side and looked out over the island to avoid making eye contact with the other woman. "I don't want to lose you because your my person and my best friend but I literally cannot imagine my life without you. I could imagine my life without Burke a million times over and I was completely fine, but not without you. I don't want my feelings to ruin our friendship but after being on my honeymoon with you I don't think I can ignore them anymore."

"You're in love with me?" Meredith whispered, her eyes widening a little bit. Both women knew the other's sexuality. That was one of the first things that they had talked about during their late night, drunken cuddle sessions between bouts of boyfriend drama. It had been one of the things that had bothered Cristina about her relationship with Burke so much in the first place. He had seemed so ready to be in a romantic relationship and tell everyone when she was still struggling to get romantically attached as a demiromantic person.

"I think so," she nodded, biting at the corners of her nails like she always did when she was nervous.

The blond slowly stood up from her chair and walked over to the other. She slipped down into Cristina's lap so that her arms were around the other woman's neck and her fingers were brushing through her messy black curls. "I think I love you too," she whispered before they closed the distance and pressed their lips together in a sweet kiss.

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ms-rampage · 3 years

Text

New Dawn: New Horizons Chapter 1 - Prelude

Warnings: Language

Word Count: 3.7k

Summary: It's been almost 20 years since the nuclear explosions that destroyed all of Hope County. A lot has changed, many new faces, old friends and new enemies are all head.

Guest OCs: Cristina Winchester-Smith (FC: Brianna Hildebrand), Bianca Winchester-Smith (FC: Maisie Williams), Daenerys Winchester (FC: Xia Brookside)

Guest Characters: Nick Rye, Carmina Rye, Gabriel [Supernatural], Lucifer [Supernatural], Mickey and Lou [mentioned], God/Chuck [mentioned], Joseph Seed [mentioned], John Seed [mentioned].

Written by @athenalillystar and myself. Supernatural & Far Cry New Dawn crossover. Hope y'all enjoy! 💗💗

Taglist: @wargames94 @rabbitsoldier @mrsladydiana

________

"I was just an infant when all this happened. My name is Cristina Tatiana Winchester-Smith, and life has never been the same, to my parents at least. Half my life I spent living underground in a bunker. All this was just an experience for my siblings and I. My family had to rebuild everything they had established. Saving, helping out those in need, it's our family business.

The next generation of the Winchester family has grown over the last 15+ years. Ever since the bombs dropped, Joseph Seed was right about everything. Everyone in Hope County emerged from their bunkers after 7 long years. The Collapse happened, sending the world into a nuclear holcaust by the Man upstairs, but that still doesn’t mean he, God, didn't play Joseph Seed and his family.

Cristina Winchester-Smith, the eldest daughter to Paige Winchester and Kenneth Smith along with her younger sister Bianca, and their cousin Daenerys, the only daughter to Kate Winchester, and unfortunately the daughter to John Seed, whom she doesn't know anything about because she doesn't know of his existence.

Walking through the ruins of what was once Holland Valley. Everything's destroyed, gone, obsolete.

Paige used to tell them how everything was, how everything was beautiful, the small town of Falls End, the church, the bar, the agriculture. How life was beautiful and simple, before the bombs fell, and now everything is obsolete. Never, not once telling them about the Cult that terrorized the whole town and how the leaders tortured their whole family.

They walk through the tall grass, rummaging through the prepper stashes in the abandoned destroyed houses looking for supplies.

"Did you find anything!?" Bianca calls out, from a nearby house.

"No, nothing!" Daenerys yells back, not far from her.

In another house 20 feet away from them, Cristina is digging, and pushing debris of a collapsed house out of the way. As she's searching for supplies, a gust of wind blows through the house, and a flutter like noise. She doesn't think anything of it. She hears footsteps from behind her, thinking it's her sister or cousin.

"Hey, did you find anything?!?" she asks, not looking back. Digging through the rubble.

After a few moments of no response, she speaks up again, still not looking back.

"Hey, did you find anything?!?!" she asks again. The voice of a man makes her snap her head back.

"Ooh how this world has changed" he whispers. She turns around, and sees a tall blonde man with his back to her, slowly standing up, her hand ready on her pistol.

"Umm who are you?!?" she asks him. 100% suspicious.

He turns to face her. He's very attractive, he looks like he could pass for her dad. He’s so much older than her, and has beautiful piercing blue eyes.

"I go by many names" he tells her, stepping closer to the eldest Winchester.

She narrows her eyes at him and says, "I don't understand. Is that a reference to something?!".

"I'm Lucifer" he says in a calm voice that sends shivers up her spine.

Her eyes widened for a second, taking a few steps back, and let out a soft chuckle.

“Okay!!” she laughs. When he doesn’t respond, and stares at her with a serious, dead look. She internally panics.

"Wha-?!!? No?! You serious??" she whispers, trying to play it off but the fear in her voice betrays her.

"Yes" he responds softly, standing still in front of her, blocking the doorway, the only way out.

"You better be joking” she tells him, after a few moments of no response from him “Are you gonna kill me?!?!".

He steps closer to her, examining her face. He tilts his head to the side while examining her face. She slowly backs up.

"You look familiar" he says softly.

Cristina is a splitting image of her mother Paige. Lucifer thinks that this person is Paige Winchester, but appearing much younger, and with blue streaks in her hair.

He reaches his hand out to touch her face. She backs up against the wall.

She’s able to duck underneath him, avoiding his touch, only for him to appear in front of her again.

She lets out a slight gasp, and drops to the floor. Crawling away from him.

“I’m not gonna kill you” he tells her, with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

She crawls back to where she was before, her back against the wall. He kneels in front of her, his hand reaches out to touch her face. Freaking out, she’s never seen, nor met this man before. His huge hand touches her forehead, and he closes his eyes. After a few seconds his eyes open, and are now glowing red.

She panics, and crawls away from him. Her scream getting caught in her throat, unable to call for the other two.

“Winchester” he mutters,”You’re a Winchester”.

“Yeah” she responds, softly, her voice breaking.

“I’m guessing the other 2 are Winchesters as well?!” he asks.

She nods her head, “Yeah” muttering softly.

“Paige Winchester is your mother I’m guessing” he asks, standing up, and taking a few steps away from her.

“Yeah?. Why?” she asks, beyond confused.

He sighs, and with a hint of annoyance in his voice, “I know your mother, and her sister Kate Winchester. Pretty much your whole damn family”.

He turns back around to face her, and says “Sam and Dean Winchester are, or were Paige and Kate’s 1st cousins. So that makes them your 2nd cousins? I’m guessing?!”.

Dumbfounded, and wondering if this is all some dream or hallucination. He’s telling her about relatives that she has never met before, she’s heard her mother talk about them to Kate and her father Kenneth.

“I still don’t understand” she tells him, shrugging. Confusion written all over her face.

“The famous Winchester clan. My dad, God, he was bored of the human race. That he did all of this” he explains to her enthusiastically, with his arms out. Referring to the collapse, and the world being destroyed.

“My mom said that some man named Joseph Seed said that all this would happen” she tells the Archangel.

“Yes, because he was picked by God, but what he didn’t know was that, God, Chuck was playing him, and would lead to the destruction of humanity. Hence The Collapse" he tells her.

Her eyes widened, everything made sense. Everything that her mom, and aunt have said over the years makes sense.

After emerging from the bunker after 7 years, they were able to rebuild their home. Making sure everything would be protected from the Highwaymen. A group of assholes who force people out of their homes, taking whatever they want from whoever they want.

“I didn’t catch your name” he says, breaking her from her thoughts. Crossing his arms.

“C-Cristina” she hesitates.

He claps his hands, “Well Cristina, you won’t see the last of me. I might pay your folks a visit. Most Angels, and a few Archangels were all cast out of Heaven when my daddy farted on humanity. So I’m gonna go find my bros” he says, “But before I leave. One more thing. You look too much like your mother. It’s weird”. He tells her with a smug, disgusted look on his face, as if she were responsible for how she looks. His last words to her before he disappears, or are they?!.

She looks around looking for him. Cannot believe that she met Lucifer. The Fallen Angel. The Devil, Satan himself!!. Her thoughts are interrupted by her little sister and cousin calling out for her.

“Cristina!!” Daenerys calls out. Startling, and disturbing her thoughts.

She steps out of the house, “Yeah!?!”.

“Did you find anything?!” Bianca asks.

She shakes her head, “No I didn’t find anything”. Trying not to show any fear in her voice or in her eyes.

“Well, I found 5 rolls of duct tape, 3 metal springs and some titanium pipes” Daenerys tells her.

“I found titanium pipes as well, and 3 rolls of copper wire” Bianca tells them.

She nods her head, “Okay, well let’s head back to Prosperity then” she tells them.

They jump into their motorcycles and ride back to Prosperity, their safe haven. Cris riding by herself, Bianca in hers with Daenerys in the side cart.

They didn't find much supplies, but enough to fix a car or part of a motorcycle.

The eldest child, Cristina who is still disturbed, and discombobulated after encountering "Lucifer". She didn't say anything to the other 2 because she didn't want to freak out, or have them worry about it.

She would tell her parents but they might not believe her, telling her that it was some Highwayman trying to scare her, but that didn’t explain him disappearing out of nowhere, and his eyes glowing red. Thinking about everything he said. Him saying that he knew her mother, and aunt.

They make it back to Prosperity, walking through the front gate with their supplies. They hand all their supplies they found to Nick Rye, and they go inside the house.

"Hey, are you guys hungry?" Paige, the mother to Cristina and Bianca asks.

"Yeah, sure" Cristina replies. Trying not to look bothered

She hands them plates with different types of sandwiches and chips. They all sit outside on the steps. Paige notices her eldest daughter looks bothered.

“Cri, you okay?” she asks. Putting on her best concerned mother look.

She lifts her head up, and looks at her mother, “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just a little tired” she replies.

Paige nods, and goes back to making lunch for everyone in the safehouse.

As they’re sitting outside eating, Kate along with Selene walk down the stairs with boxes of medical supplies. Daenerys sees them, and immediately gets up from the steps.

“Hye mom!” she calls out. Kate turns to face her only child.

“Yes Dany!?” she asks.

“Would it be okay if Cristina, Bianca, Jeff, Tom, Carmina and I go to Roughneck’s Crag tonight?” she asks, trying to use her puppy dog eyes that she inherited from her. Kate furrows her eyebrows at her, scrunching her nose. Trying to be a good parent, but also wanting to keep her daughter away from danger, but also wanting her to have fun and be a kid.

“I’m okay with it, but you have to ask your father. He has the final word” she tells her, and walks towards the infirmary.

Daenerys’ adopted Archangel father Gabriel, whom she doesn't know is an Archangel, nor her biological father walks by, going towards the garage. He was one of the several Angels that were all cast out of Heaven when the bombs fell.

“Hey dad!” she calls out.

He stops, faces her and says with a smirk. “Yes Dany boy?”. She rolls her eyes in embarrassment at the nickname he gave her.

“Would it be okay if Bianca, Cristina, Jeff, Tom, Carmina and I go to the Roughneck’s Crag tonight?” she asks, with her blue puppy dog eyes.

He crosses his arms, staring at her, trying to put on his best strict father face. “Did you ask your mother?”.

“Yes” she replies.

“And what did she say?” he asks, looking down at the small pink haired human that is his daughter.

“To ask you. But she said she was okay with it” she replies, using the puppy dog eyes on him “Sooo is it okay!?!”.

He stays silent for a moment, anticipating to answer her question. “It’s okay with me. Just be careful” he tells her.

“Thanks dad” she says, and goes back to her cousins at the steps. He goes to the garage where Nick Rye, and Kenneth Smith are. “What did he say?” Bianca asks her.

“He said it was okay” she answers.

****

Later that night, at the Winchester-Smith compound, Bianca, Cristina, Jeffrey, Thomas and Daenerys leave for the Roughneck’s. Which is a hang out spot for those who survived the Collapse, and need to take a breather.

“Be safe!!” Paige shouts as they drive off the property.

Kenneth taught Cristina how to drive when she turned 15, since there are no cops. Well there are a few cops but they don’t care. No law enforcement officers that survived the bombs cares about their jobs. So she can drive without a license.

All of the adults stay behind. Paige, Kate, Kenny, Gabriel, as well as their old friends Mark, Nate, Martin, Cody, Adrian and their families. Paige and Kate’s mother Mandy, and their godmother Barbara.

They had to rebuild, and expand their house, once they came out from the bunker after 7 long years. Splitting the house into 3 houses once again.

Putting up a 25 foot wall, solid concrete with a 25 foot iron gate. Security cameras pointed at all corners of the property. Always heavily armed.

“I’m not very comfortable about them going out this late” Kenny says to Paige.

She sighs, “I’m not either, but I want them to have fun. They know what to do when they encounter the Highwaymen”.

Kate and Gabriel approach them from behind.

“Daenerys has an ear to detect trouble, they’ll be fine” Kate explains, reassuring them.

“Yeah, I know. I just don’t want them to run into the twins” Kenny tells her.

Kate scoffs, shaking her head “The twins. Mickey and Lou, a couple of little fucks, who need an ass whooping”. Paige chuckles, “Yeah, no shit”.

“They’ll be fine. I know it” Gabriel tells them, sitting on the kitchen counter. They turn to face him, “Are your Archangel senses kicking in?!” Paige jokes.

He nods his head side to side, “Whatever I have left, which isn’t much” he tells them.

“So you’re a human?!” Kenneth asks.

“Partially human” he says, before joking “I hate it. I know I’m fond of humanity, but how do you all live like this?!?”.

They laugh, despite what this celestial has gone through, from being cast out of Heaven, losing his grace but he got to marry his soulmate, even if she doesn’t know it. The soulmate part.

“You know you love it!!” Kate teases, wrapping her arms around his neck. Placing his hands on her waist, pulling her closer to him.

“If I have to deal with you, I’ll take it” he responds, kissing her. He gets off from the counter, and heads outside.

“Where you going?!” she asks him. He turns to her, “I’m gonna try, and contact my old man for the 5,678th time”.

“Is Heaven radio even working?!” Paige asks, “Is anyone up there taking the calls?”

He shrugs “It does work, nothing but static. They still should get my calls. Even if the line is busy”. He goes outside, standing far away from the house, so he can get his message through the line.

He looks up at the sky, and prays “Hey dad, it's me, Gabriel. Answer me, or you won’t get rid of me until you answer all of my questions. You’ve been holding off for 17 years and you will reply back”.

A moment a silence, then a gust of cold wind blows past him. Looking up at the night Montana sky with green, pink Northern lights illuminate all day and night.

“Well, well, well” a familiar male voice says. He turns around, and sees his older brother.

“Lucifer?!” he exclaims, surprised to see his fallen brother.

“Gabriel?!” he mocks him, “You’re one of the Archangels that fell?!”.

He shrugs, “Yep. The old man won’t respond to my calls”.He takes a few steps closer to his older brother, “He owns me, and every other angel an explanation”.

Lucifer steps closer to his little brother, he sighs, then his eyes wander up, and sees Kate at a window inside the house.

“Are-are you living with the Losechesters?!?” he asks. Look of disgust on his face.

He looks back at the house, then back at Lucifer, “Yeah, after I fell and landed on Earth. With the very little powers I had, I teleported to them” pointing back towards the Winchesters who don’t see them.

“So they took you in?!?” Lucifer asks, confused.

Gabriel sighs, “Yeah, and I uhh. I eventually had a relationship with Kate”.

Shaking his head in confusion, nothing knowing what to say, “You had a relationship with Kate Losechester?!” he asks.

“Well, I'm still in a relationship with her” he says. Still beyond confused that his brother is in a relationship with a weak inferior human, “I’m practically a step father” he adds.

His eyes widened, “You? A father?. How the Hell did that happen?!” he asks, holding back laughter.

He sighs once again, “Well around the time daddy dropped a deuce on humanity. Kate was pregnant, and when I teleported to their bunker, she was 7,8 maybe 9 weeks, Paige was also pregnant, she had triplets. Kate had a daughter, and that's how I became a step father. Being underground for 7 years because of radiation. I would’ve nailed Kate, and impregnated her myself but you know the whole Nephilim thing, and she’ll die giving birth to it”.

Lucifer trying to take in everything Gabriel said, and trying to process it all at once.

“So. So you’re human?!?” he asks.

“Partially human. I still have my powers, they're just very limited. I have no access to Heaven, Hell, Purgatory. I can still teleport, but I’m not as strong as I was before I fell”. He sighs loudly, crossing his arms, looking up at the night sky. He looks back at his brother, and asks “So why are you here?!”.

Lucifer shrugs, and says “Looking for my brothers, and I found one so far”.

“Hey Gabe!” Kate calls him from inside the house.

“Come on Gabe, I can take you away from here. Away from them” he says, trying to convince his brother to go with him to looking for the other Angels.

He shakes his head, “I’m sorry Lucifer. I live here now, I’m glad you want me to help, but I can’t leave them. I can’t do this to her”.

He rolls his eyes, sighing in annoyance. “Come on Gabe, this is the same Kate Winchester that killed Lilith, and freed me from my cage, which I am thankful for. The same Kate Winchester that watched her own sister get turned into a vampire, and didn’t do shit. The same Kate Winchester that lost her soul, and was a demon. The same Kate Winchester that-”.

“Stop!!. Just stop!” Gabriel cuts him off. “I’m not staying just because of Kate. Yeah I married her-”

Lucifer cuts him off by groaning in disgust, “You married a human?!?. Even worse you married a Winchester!!”.

He ignores his interruption, and continues, “I married her, but I’m not staying just because of her, I’m staying because of Daenerys. Her daughter. My daughter!”. Lucifer crosses his arms, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

“She is not your daughter!. She’s John Seed’s daughter. She’s not a damn Nephilim, nor does she have any angelic grace".

He glares at him, “John Seed is dead. I was there throughout Kate’s pregnancy. Since the beginning before Daenerys was even a damn embryo. It’s dad’s fault, he’s responsible, he kept me away from her because of his stupid little game”.

He raises his hands in defeat, “Okay. That's fine. If you wanna live amongst the humans, that's fine with me. But I’m not done with you little brother.”

Gabriel rolls his eyes, turns around, and walks back towards the house.

“Maybe. I’ll pay little Dany a visit” Lucifer speaks out, making Gabriel stop in his tracks.

He turns to face his brother, “If you touch her, or go anywhere near her. I will kill you” he threatens him.

Lucifer smirks at him, “How?. You ain’t gotten any powers”. He goes to grab him but he disappears before he could get to him.

“Gabriel!!” Kate calls out for him again.

***

Bianca, Cristina, Daenerys, Thomas, Jeffrey and Carmina Rye are hanging out at what was once Steele Farm. Laughing, having a fun time, enjoying the Montana night. The radiation caused the sky to have their own Northern Lights. This was always a great hang out for them because you can see pretty everything from this view.

Especially from the second floor of the hut. They spent 7 years living underground in their bunkers, and when it was time to come back out.

Their families rebuilt everything, upgrading everything, their security, their weapons.

The Winchester kids come from a long line of hunters, their parents, their grandparents, their great grandparents, and so on were all hunters, but they don’t know this information because their parents didn’t want them to know of the evil that is out there in the world.

Cristina was always told that “God doesn’t care about anyone. That’s why everything was destroyed. He wanted all of us dead, to wipe us all out of existence because of one man. His name was Joseph Seed”.

She always thought that was a metaphor, or something like that. Yeah everything was destroyed by the bombs, and everything looks depressing. Mainly for their parents because everything was once beautiful, and normal. Life was enjoyed. They lived through it.

To them, to the kids, this was beautiful, and it was just the beginning for them.

Cristina keeps thinking about what “Lucifer” said to her. She feels like she should tell someone maybe not her siblings, or Daenerys or Carmina. Maybe she can tell her parents, her aunt, or her grandmother about that. Maybe this Joseph Seed man, maybe he’s still alive.

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thechangeling · 4 years

Text

Be wise enough to wonder. Be brave and let it go.

Mark had no idea what time it was when he was woken up by the sound of his daughter crying. He heard an exhausted groan beside him as Cristina moved to pull herself up. Mark put a hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"No it's alright," he whispered, his voice hoarse from sleep. "I'll go."

Two months ago Cristina had given birth to their first daughter. Her name was Gianna She was the biological product of Kieran and Cristina with her pointy ears and blue hair that changed with her moods, and Tina's chestnut coloured eyes and copper skin. But the trio fully considered her to be theirs. Blood was unimportant.

Mark was half asleep as he stumbled his way down to the room they had set up Gianna's crib in. He missed Kieran and he knew Cristina did as well. Kier was currently stuck in Faerie with his royal responsibilities. Cristina and Mark were visiting the LA institute to help with a recent uptake in demon activity around the area. It was amazing to see his siblings again (minus Ty, he was in Devon visiting Kit since the two of them were now dating long distance.) However he knew it was strange for Gigi to be sleeping in an unfamiliar environment.

Hence lots of crying.

Mark heard his daughter's crying getting softer as he came to the doorway. He could also hear another voice, cooing to her, calming her down. As he got closer he could see it was Helen. Mark smiled at the sight of his big sister gently rocking his daughter in her arms.

"Thank you" he whispered, trying not to startle her or wake Gianna. Helen was wearing her sleep clothes, with her hair tied back. There were also very prominent dark circles under her eyes.

"You should get some rest" Mark said as forcefully as he could without raising his voice. "Seriously you look exhausted Len, hand her over and he back to bed." Helen just gave him a stern look. The one that she used to use when he was trying to sneak extra cookies as a kid, or the first time she caught him trying to come home past curfew after being out at a downworlder party that he was way too young for.

The funny thing was that even though Helen had started calling Eleanor "mom" around the age of 8, Mark had never been able to do it. It had absolutely nothing to do with an attachment to his birth mother. He barely remembered her. Maybe it was because he had always had someone looking out for him since day one, and that person wasn't Nerissa or Eleanor.

And it certainly wasn't his father.

I think you're punishing yourself, is what Helen had told him one night. You're punishing yourself for being different, so you won't let yourself get attached.

Helen placed Gigi back in her crib and put her hands on Mark's shoulders. "Sweetheart you are more exhausted then I am" she reprimanded him gently. "You and Cristina both need help and I'm more than happy to do it." Mark put his hand over hers, gripping onto Helen to avoid passing out.

"She has Kieran too remember?" He insisted firmly. "Just because he isn't here right now doesn't mean that he's not her dad too." Helen's eyes widened.

"Oh no! No that wasn't what I was saying at all." She said frantically. Her voice was starting to slur a little like she was drunk. She really needed to go to sleep. "I was just trying to be useful you know? Like I always used to when we were younger."

Mark knew what she was referring to. When the twins were born, in order to help out Eleanor and their dad, Mark and Helen starting taking care of them so their parents could get more sleep. Julian was still very young, only two, so it was up to them as the older siblings to step up.

Livvy was a relatively easy baby. She cried when she was hungry or needed changing, and then she was fine. She was pretty good at sleeping through most of the night as well. Ty on the other hand was not. When he was drinking formula from the bottle he would only ever take a little and then refuse to eat any more. This lead to him always being hungry half an hour later and as a result, not sleeping for very long.

The family would take shifts when looking after the twins to avoid being too exhausted. But there were some nights where Ty would just refuse to sleep and nobody knew why. Eleanor wanted to go to the silent brothers, but thankfully Helen had talked her out of it.

He's just different, she had said. It's fine, we will figure it out.

At a certain point Andrew had just refused to try, and Helen and Mark had to step in. Unfortunately these were bad habits of Ty's that seemed to have carried over into adulthood. But at least now he could get up and feed himself at 2 in the morning.

Mark shook himself out of his stupor. "No it's ok. I'm sorry. I just worry about you Len" he murmured. Helen shot him a tired smile. "And I you, brother" she replied, slipping into a very fae way of speaking. Mark turned to look at his little girl, who was still sleeping. Thank the angel.

Thank the gods, his brain supplied.

It was interesting thinking about the way she would grow up. It would be so different from Mark and Helen. Gianna had access to Unseelie culture through Kieran, as well as the privilege of being raised by a full blooded faerie. She was already being read fae stories (accurate ones) and sung fae lullabies. She would be taught fae languages by Kieran and Cristina mostly, because as Kieran loved to point out, he was terrible with languages. She would also be taught Spanish and English when she was older.

She would be raised as a shadowhunter and as a faerie in a better, more understanding world that he was trying to help build. Mark couldn't help but be a little envious of her.

He turned back to Helen who hadn't left, but had sat down on the floor, bracing her back against the wall. He sat down beside her.

"Hey" he whispered roughly. "Do you ever feel like we were robbed?"

Helen looked up at him slightly dazed. Her Blackthorn blue-green eyes were starting to glaze over. "Huh?" She muttered sleepily. Helen rubbed her eyes and cleared her throat, trying again. "What do you mean exactly?"

Mark sighed as he slowly felt all of the thoughts and feelings he usually tried to keep buried. He really didn't want to deal with them. Because if he delt with them then he would have to acknowledge what happened, and acknowledging it made it real.

Something that Magnus always said was that you had to go through the pain and not around it, because going through it was the only way to get over it.

Mark took a deep breath and looked Helen in the eye. "I mean think about it. From the moment we arrived at this institute, our father always talked about how evil and wicked and manipulative our mother was. And yes, I would argue from the sound of things he was probably right, but I was four years old and she was the only faerie I had ever known. So it seemed as if everyone around was establishing a baseline of, Faeries. Wicked. Manipulative. Cannot be trusted.

Helen shook her head "but that's not-" Mark interrupted her. "I'm sorry but I'm not done." Helen sighed and looked to be fighting the urge to roll her eyes, but she didn't protest. "Ok fine. Go."

Mark continued. "And the thing is we were bombarded with that information all our lives. From our instructors, from our father, from our peers. So eventually I think you and I started to believe it Len! I think we started to think of ourselves as evil, and in order to not be evil we had to distance ourselves from being fae as much as possible." Mark's voice was beginning to shake.

Helen shook her head. "No I don't think it was that so much as we were trying to prove that we were real shadowhunters. Me personally, I didnt want to be considered a downworlder because I'm not, I'm a shadowhunter. " Helen explained, but her voice sounded unsure. "I didnt want to be treated differently."

Mark chuckled humorously. "But don't you see? We are different! That is precisely my point, and everyone made us feel ashamed of that. Remember how you used to braid your hair like a faerie until girls started making fun of you and trying to pull it out? And then you started wearing your hair to cover your ears. Did you honestly expect me to believe that you preferred the style, sister?" Mark was trying to keep his voice lowered but it was becoming increasingly difficult.

Helen was silent. There was a pause where neither sibling spoke and then Helen's defeated voice. "I don't want to talk about this Mark." He felt a pang of guilt.

"I know. Forgive me please, it was not my intention to upset you." He spoke elegantly. Helen laughed softly. "You know it's weird how much it comforts me, hearing you talk like that" she said.

Mark smiled sadly at her. "But that's exactly my point Helen. I mean think about it? How much did we give up or refuse to pursue just because we were scared? You know I've been reading far stories to Gianna and some of them are actually really incredible. There are stories about brave female warriors who go on adventures to save beautiful princesses and stories of people who couldn't decide which one if their suitors they liked best, so they just chose them all. They are stories about people like us, written for people like us." Mark could feel himself beginning to cry .

Helen reached over silently and placed her hand on his to comfort him. She looked like she was holding back tears as well.

"Imagine" Mark whispered brokenly, tears running down his cheeks. "Imagine what it would have been like if we read stories like those when we were younger.

Helen closed her eyes, trying to block out tears. "We were trying to keep ourselves safe" she whispered. "It was self preservation."

"It was assimilation" Mark said firmly. "And that really wasn't fair." Helen let out a harsh breath.

"And it didn't even do any good," Mark continued. "They still kicked us out."

Helen laughed in spite of the situation. Then let they weight of the conversation wash over them both, soaking them in despair and self pity.

Helen finally broke the silence.

"You know, she began, Magnus Bane loves to share stories about past shadowhunters in a more accurate way because the Clave's records are usually very white and straight washed, and when Aline and I mentioned potentially adopting a child from abroad, he told us a story about this one shadowhunter Ariadne Bridgestock. Apparently she was a lesbian and in a relationship with Anna Lightwood but she was also originally from India. Her parents adopted her and brought her back to England."

Mark shrugged "So? There's nothing inherently wrong with that." Helen gave him another look.

"Well yeah, but the problem was they didn't let her retain anything from her culture and they didn't give her the opportunity to branch out and learn more. They stripped her of all of that and basically taught her to behave like the typical white British girl." Helen readjusted her position, straightening out her back. "He wanted to make sure that if we ended up with a child who had a different cultural background, we would understand the importance of nurturing that connection" she explained.

Mark nodded "Well yes, but Aline would never do anything like that given how important her culture is to her." Helen was silent for a moment.

"Yeah I know. It's just that I'm not exactly the poster girl for self love and acceptance now am I? She said I'm a self pitying tone.

Mark shook his head. "It's not really the same thing though Len" he reasoned.

"No I know that, but it's similar" she mumbled, tiredness seeping into her tone. "Anyways, that's why I'm so happy Gigi has you and Kieran." Helen finally stood up "Especially you. When she feels like her mom is too much of a shadowhunter to get it, and her dad is too much of a faerie to get it, she has her papa to understand her." Helen said wistfully with a smile.

She extended her hand to Mark and pulled him to his feet. They both stared at Gianna who was moving around slightly in her sleep. "Yeah she will be fine" Helen mused softly. "She's got Cristina to teach her spanish and Kieran to teach her faerie. You can tell her stories about the wild hunt and Cristina can tell her stories about living in Mexico." Helen paused, her expression looking a little sad. "Her life is going to be so different from ours."

Mark felt another pang in his chest as well as the boiling of anger beneath his skin.

"How do we get past this?" He whispered. "How do we deal with this Helen? This anger?"

Helen was silent for a moment. Mark turned to face her and noticed she was shaking slightly. Helen gulped and looked up at him.

"We can't feel sorry for ourselves. That gets us nowhere. We need to confront it and then we need to find away to move past it," she said determinedly. "We need to be brave enough to let it go. We can't change the past but what we can do is try and change the way we approach this now. I know it's hard but we can do it." Helen smiled at him "As long as we have each others backs we can get through this."

Mark nodded. "I know. You're right. I want to keep moving forward. I want to learn more, discover more. I want to figure out who I really am." Mark spoke steadily. "The things that happened when we were younger were horrible," he felt his voice breaking again. "It's painful, but we can't just stay on our knees. We have to move on or it'll consume us."

Mark took Helen into his arms and hugged her tightly. She sniffled lightly, wrapping her arms around him. Mark let out a sigh.

"It's ok," he whispered. "I've got you, you're not alone."

You are not the only.

Be wise enough to wonder, be brave and let it go.

Nothing is everlasting.

Have mercy on my soul.

#tda #the dark artifices #tsc #helen blackthorn #mark blackthorn #kierarktina children #kierarktina #kaitlin'swriting

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tsc-living · 4 years

Text

Kit, Ty, Livvy and Church

Based entirely on this beautiful piece of art by @nairafeather which you can find here!!!

5,022 words/9 A4 typed pages

Ty had been avoiding Kit for a few days now, ever since the blonde boy had come to the Los Angeles Institute to help the Blackthorn family with their newest under-the-radar investigation; as under the radar it could be with Ty himself a graduated Centurion, and the Consul’s husband lending a helping hand when the High Warlock of Brooklyn and family friend was requested. Even Mark Blackthorn and Cristina Mendoza Rosales, important members of the Alliance, were at the LA Institute to help. Still, it wasn’t entirely sanctioned by the laws. Lex malla, lex nulla Ty thought to himself as he carried a large tome down a sparsely decorated hallway towards a bedroom that had been converted into a study for him before his arrival.

“What are you thinking about?” Livvy asked, floating along beside him as she often did. Ty had long since grown used to the fact that she didn’t leave foot prints as she travelled with him, but it was a new feeling to be relieved about it; he worried seeing how small her footprints would be compared to his would make him sad for he was a man and she still resembled a teenager.

“The family motto, and how apt it always is when the Blackthorns, Carstairs and Herondales are under this roof,” he replied, gesturing around him at the empty hallway to encompass all the occupants of the Institute.

“A bad law is no law,” Livvy mused, a shadow of her vibrant, young smile from her life flickering at the corner of her lips.

“Yes, so they say,” he agreed, pushing open the door to his study, forcing against the resistance of the thick, plush carpet. The room wasn’t very big, but it was comfortable and with the amount of time he had spent in there avoiding Kit, it had become as familiar as his bedroom. There was a Holmes detective cap resting on the mantle of the fireplace in a near mockery of his earlier teen years. Above it, on the light blue wall, was a pin up board that Ty had turned into a detective board; a map, some pages pulled out of books and other clues connected by red wool. Ty had memorised all the contents, all of the clues and the connections. He wasn’t sure it was helping him yet, but he would leave it up until the case was solved.

“What are you going to be doing?” Livvy asked, drifting through the fern coloured couch towards the window that faced the ocean and framed the sun when it began to set.

“I am going to peruse this book in the hopes that I find something of use, and then after the usual dinner hours when Kit will be anywhere except the kitchen, I will go find something to eat,” Ty explained, putting the book on the low coffee table as he passed it on his way to the bookshelf beside the window. The bookshelf sat on top of a sideboard that rested under the window, but he hadn’t yet filled the cupboards with anything. He wasn’t going to be in LA long enough to have any cumbersome personal belongings that he would need to store. The only personal things in the room were the hat, and the branch in a beaker he was trying to preserve with a potion Magnus Bane had made for him. The branch was a small cutting from the tree that grew inside the library at the Scholomance, a room that he had spent more time in than his bedroom for the past 3 or so years.

“Why are you avoiding him?” Livvy asked, still looking outside the window with more longing than he had seen on her face since they had left the Institute. “You told me that the two of you spoke when you portalled in.”

“We did speak, we said hello and then we got invaded by Dru, and Mina started crying. I was promptly guided here by Julian,” Ty said, running his index finger along the spines of some of the books he had collected from the Institute’s library.

“That isn’t ‘talking’ Tiberius,” Livvy said firmly, finally turning to face Ty. He turned to face his twin as well, but he kept his gaze on the books, more interested in them than he was the conversation.

“That is talking, we said ‘hello’,” he told her. He saw her shake her head out of the corner of his eye, her gossamer hair floating around her.

“Shouldn’t you talk about how you feel? About everything you have felt since you met, since he left?” She pressed. Ty looked at her then, his cheeks pink and his stomach starting to ache like it always did when he thought about Kit leaving.

“I don’t want to talk to him, I have nothing to say,” Ty told her. “I don’t even know who he is anymore. I knew Kit when we could look eye to eye, when his hair was so blonde it was nearly white and his skin suntanned. Now his hair is more yellow, his skin pale from England… he doesn’t even sound the same.” Livvy laughed, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Just because you grew taller than he did and that England has less sun than here, doesn’t mean it isn’t still the Kit you knew,” she said. “You are just being difficult.”

“I am difficult Livvy,” Ty said, but he didn’t really care if she paid attention. He slid a bookmark off the sideboard, the red tassel swinging as he walked around her to the sofa, settling against the high back and thick, deep cushions. He rearranged the little throw pillows until he was comfortable enough to pull the book onto his lap and read.

“Do you want to watch the sun set with me?” Livvy asked. Ty was relieved she had dropped her line of questioning about Kit, and he glanced over his shoulder to see that she was looking at the yellow lemon colour of the sky, streaked with blue and orange as the sun drifted closer to the water.

“No, I want to read this book,” he said, turning back around. He got halfway through a paragraph on winged creatures when he heard a soft thud down the hall, followed by padding footsteps. There were no bedrooms in use on this floor; the Blackthorn family had their own wing of the Institute in the opposite direction, and the Carstairs family with Kit were on the floor below this one. Nobody should be up this way, unless they were exploring, or worse… looking for him. The footsteps were not Julian’s and they didn’t sound urgent, which meant Ty didn’t want to be found.

“Where are we going Church?” He heard a muffled, deep, and dreadfully familiar voice on the other side of the door and Ty dropped his head against the back of the sofa with a sigh. There was a scratching noise against the door, a pause, and then a tentative knock. “Hello?” Ty looked over at Livvy, but she was determinedly looking out the window with a real smile on her face. Ty balled his hands into fists for a moment and then slid the book to the coffee table again, the bookmark secured in place.

“Come in Church,” Ty said, pulling the door open only wide enough for the cat to slink in. The mangy, ridiculously old, somewhat magical cat slunk in and began sniffing around like he had most evenings when he joined Ty in the study. However, the cat had never brought with him a guest.

“Oh, Ty!” Kit said sounding genuinely surpised, but Ty was already beginning to close the door on him. Kit put his hand out, arresting the process and Ty contemplated pushing harder. “Wait, don’t shut me out. Please?” Kit asked and Ty released the door, looking down at his bare feet and the hem of his black trousers, plunging his hands into the pocket of his dark grey hoodie.

“What do you want?” Ty asked, the witchlight slowly lightening in the hallway as the sun set further.

“I…” Kit’s feet were bare too and he shuffled against the carpet for a moment, not saying anything. “I just want to talk to you?” He said, but it sounded to Ty like it was more of a question than it was a statement.

“What do you want to talk about?” Ty asked, but he was met with more silence and feet shuffling. “Do you have anything to say at all?” Ty asked the quiet, finally looking up. Kit was dressed in black pyjama pants and a light grey V necked sweater, his collar bones standing out prominently and one of his shoulders was more exposed as the blonde boy tugged on his sleeve. He was still slim and angular, but he had broadened out and grown into the sharp Herondale features they were so known for having.

“Can I come in?” He asked. Ty stood in the doorway for another long moment, considering his options. Technically, yes, he could walk into the room, but did Ty want him to?

“Yes,” he decided, stepping to the side. Kit walked in, pushing the sleeves of his shirt up over his elbows.

“What is this room?” Kit asked as Ty closed the door behind them. “Hey Livvy,” he added, nodding at her.

“Hello Christopher,” she said with a warm smile before turning back towards the now mostly yellow sky.

“This is my study, Emma and Julian set it up for me before I arrived,” Ty explained, hovering on the opposite side of the coffee table, unsure what to do next as Kit sprawled himself out on the couch.

“Is this where you have been disappearing to while you avoid me?” He asked, eyebrows lifting in near perfect arches over his pale blue eyes. Not everything had changed then, his eyes were still the exact same, perhaps even more handsome than he had remembered.

“If you knew I was avoiding you, why did you come and find me?” Ty asked with genuine curiosity, walking around the coffee table to the couch. Kit had mussed all the pillows up and was taking up more space than any one man needed. “Can you please move?”

“Church found me, and I followed him to you,” Kit said, sitting up a little bit, his legs still stretched out. Ty sat down in the corner, tucking his feet onto the soft material, trying in vain not to be leaning his back against Kit’s arm, but this was proving difficult with the other boy sitting in the middle of the two-seater. Kit dropped one foot to the floor and pulled the other closer to his leg, his knee bent at an acute angle and near enough dangling in the air, swaying softly. Ty wondered if he was nervous, with his arm crossed over his stomach and wedged under a pillow that rested between their hips, but Ty couldn’t really tell.

“You didn’t have to follow him,” Ty pointed out, gripping the arm of the sofa. Church hopped up behind him on the back of the sofa, a short purr in his throat and his tongue stuck out. He dragged his fluffy grey tail across Ty’s face and Ty spat it out of his mouth, wiping his face against the neck of his hoodie to get the feeling of the tail off his skin. The cat made another bruup noise in his throat and Ty lifted his head up, eyeing the boy beside him out of the corner of his eye. He could see that Kit was doing the same. He heard Church’s claws dig into the sofa as he stretched. Ty couldn’t uncoil the tension from his body. He wanted to tell Kit to leave, but he didn’t want Kit to leave. He wanted to talk to Kit, but he didn’t know what to say. He wanted Kit to talk, but he didn’t know what he wanted Kit to say, which meant he had no way to prepare for a conversation. He wanted to twist away, but he also liked the warmth radiating off Kit. He wanted to stand up and pace the tension out of his body, but he also wanted to take hold of Kit’s hand. He didn’t know what to do, and he really didn’t like not knowing.

“Should we… I don’t know, like start over or something?” Kit asked quietly, looking away. Ty frowned at him, burying his hand in the pouch pocket of his hoodie.

“What? Like you come in the door again?” Ty asked, “Because I didn’t want you to come in the first time.” Ty hadn’t expected a smile, but the other boy did so anyway, and it was so familiar that Ty felt an ache in his stomach. Another thing that had not changed, the way Ty’s heart raced for a few moments when Kit smiled like that, like he had been surprised by something Ty had said.

“No, I meant like begin again. Forget that we knew each other when we were fifteen, introduce ourselves like we have never met before.”

“Why?” Ty asked, his forehead furrowed.

“So that we can begin again, so there is no history to trip over and no stories that can cause pain. We forget, and we try again,” Kit said, putting both feet on the ground and turning to face Ty who nearly fell sideways when his support moved. He immediately missed the warmth. Ty turned too, facing the other boy, crossing his legs on the sofa. He pulled a pillow out from under his legs and held it on his lap, fiddling with the gold tassels. Did Kit really want to forget their friendship and start all over again?

Ty remembered the first time he met Kit, when he had held a knife to his throat and threatened his life. Kit had been small then, young and scrawny- they both had been. His blonde hair had been dirty, and the bones of his shoulders were so thin Ty had felt them digging into his arm where he held Kit barred. He had been weak, Ty could have broken him and they both knew it, but even then, Kit’s eyes had blazed fiercely, defiantly.

He remembered the intense fascination he had felt when Kit came to the Institute, the want to be close to the new person so strong that Ty had slept on the floor outside his room. The fear that he would leave in the night and Ty would never see him again keeping him awake sometimes.

The time that they sat on a bed laughing with each other, moments before Magnus walked in to tell them something, but Ty couldn’t remember what it was Magnus had said. In that moment, what had been important was that he had made Kit laugh, even if it had been an accident.

There was the time he’d had a panic attack on the roof of that very Institute and Kit had held onto him, grounded him, his sporadic heartbeat slowing down to match the slow, steady beat of Kit.

He remembered standing in the ocean, the water inky with night, the stars and moon picking the silvery bits out of his hair as if they belonged there. It wasn’t the first time that Kit’s eyes had drawn Ty close, but it was the first time Ty let them as he put his arms around Kit’s neck and shivered when their bodies aligned. Kit had held him that night too, his arms around his waist. He had felt stronger then, than the first time they had met, and his heart had beaten more erratically against Ty than it had on the roof.

“No,” Ty whispered and Kit’s face, which had been lit with some kind of hope or happiness, burnt out in disappointment or sadness.

“I understand if you don’t want to know me anymore,” he said quietly, his voice cracking strangely like before someone cries.

“No, I meant,” Ty began, a little louder than a whisper, and he reached out to grab Kit’s wrist before he could stand and flee. “I meant no, I don’t want to forget.” He felt Kit relax into the cushions again, clearly not about to run away, but Ty didn’t let go as the same fascination and longing to be close to him lit in his chest like it had when Kit had come to the Institute in the first place.

“Oh,” Kit breathed as a red blush seeped along his neck and threatened to colour his cheeks. “So, you do want to still know me then?”

“Yes, I do.” Ty still didn’t let go of Kit’s wrist, but he stared at where their skin met. Even after his years in wintery England, Kit was still a shade or two darker than himself. He glanced up at Kit, looking at his shoulders and not his eyes, and he realised with a start that the other boy was holding his breath. “Breathe Kit, you will make yourself dizzy,” he said. Kit let the air out in a whoosh and sucked in a lungful before he spoke.

“I’m already dizzy,” he said, a wide, carefree grin on his face that looked strange after the crushing sadness that had been there a moment before. Ty frowned again, pulling his hand away and reaching for the stele that rested in a mug of pens and two small daggers on the coffee table.

“Are you sick or hurt?” He asked. Kit laughed and reached out for Ty, pulling his sleeve until his empty hand was resting on Kit’s knee.

“I’m not sick no, I’m happy,” he said and Ty looked at him, surveying him, and Kit really did look happy, although his face was pink as if feverish.

“Dizziness is not a sign of happiness,” Ty pointed out. Kit shook his head and very slowly interlaced their fingers where Ty’s hand rested on his leg. Ty let him, the warmth of Kit’s hand already warming the cool tips of his fingers.

“No, but it is a sign of unbelievable amounts of relief and being overwhelmed,” he replied. Ty supposed this was true, he had felt dizzying relief himself in battles, when realising his family was safe after a moment of peril.

“Do you have a plan?” Ty asked and Kit raised his eyebrows a second time, which Ty knew was a request for more information in place of asking a question. “If we aren’t going to start again, and we aren’t going to forget being fifteen… what are we going to do?” Kit was silent for a moment as he considered the question, a small smile dancing along his lips. Ty remembered that look, it was the one that meant he had a million responses to a question and he was trying to think of the one that would either get him into the most trouble, or get him out of it.

“Well, do you want to talk?” He asked. Ty shook his head, he still didn’t really know what he could talk about, he didn’t want to ask why Kit had left in the first place and he didn’t want to know what he had been doing in the meantime. And he really didn’t want to talk about the Scholomance right then, and all he had been talking about since his arrival was the investigation, but he didn’t want to talk about that right then either. “Do you want to sit here in silence and hold my hand?” Kit asked, his voice light. Ty was watching his lips as he spoke. He did want to sit there, and he did want to hold Kit’s hand.

“Can I touch you?” He asked, Julian’s lessons from his childhood reminding him that not everyone likes to be touched or crowded. Kit’s eyes went really wide and he looked as if he was holding his breath again, but he nodded. Ty reached out his empty hand as Kit turned to sit cross legged facing him, mirror images of each other. He closed his eyes, which did make Ty feel less tense and nervous, and let his curiosity grow. Ty touched his bare forearm first, the pulse at his wrist jumping against his fingers. He trailed his fingers against the soft skin of his inner forearm until he met the polyester material of his sweater, the wrinkles and ridges from where it bunched above his elbow smoothing down under his touch. Ty wanted to feel Kit, he wanted to know which parts of him were the softest to touch, which parts made him smile. Mostly he just wanted to understand Kit, he wanted to know him, and feel that he really was there, after years of his absence.

His fingers dipped at the curve of his collarbones, and he felt goose bumps rise along the skin of Kit’s neck as his fingers traced up the side. Kit shivered, but he smiled.

“It’s okay,” he whispered when Ty took his hand away. He put it back, this time feeling his pulse point in his neck and then up to his jaw, his cheek, curls of his blonde hair wrapping around Ty’s fingers. He traced his nose, felt the tickle of his blonde eyelashes, the shape of his lips and the lobe of his ear before sliding up into his hair. Kit’s breathing had long begun to come out in softer, but louder little gasps and Livvy blinked out of the room with a roll of her eyes and a grin on her face.

“You’re real,” Ty confirmed, keeping his hand curled into the back of his hair, their faces closer than they had been since that night in the water. Kit opened his eyes, blue meeting grey, and Ty felt the intensity of his gaze and he looked away. He looked down. Kit’s lips were parted and Ty realised that the sun had completely set and the room was being lit only by a single witchlight on the desk, and the moon.

“I’m real,” Kit agreed, sitting completely still. He swallowed, loudly and visibly, his lips closing for a moment before parting again.

Ty had thought about kissing Kit before. When they had been in the water, when they had been laughing on the bed, when they were walking shoulder to shoulder on a mission, the night before he had tried to raise Livvy from the dead… and many, many times when he had been alone at the Scholomance and ached for the boy he had grown so used to.

“Do we need to talk?” Ty asked. Kit licked his lips and shook his head very slowly.

“Not right now.” He sounded breathless, like he had been running for a very long time and had only just stopped.

“Good,” Ty decided and closed the gap between their lips. Kit gasped, his hand tightening around Ty’s nearly painfully and for a long, drawn out moment, Kit didn’t kiss him back. And then the moment passed and Kit shook his hand free, putting his hand against the side of Ty’s neck, his thumb against his cheek, and he kissed him. Ty’s face went bright red with heat and his newly freed hand followed Kit’s to his own cheek, their lips moving gently together, carefully. There was an ache in Ty’s lower stomach, warm and languorous as it spread through his body. He had never kissed anyone before, had never wanted to kiss anyone expect Kit, he didn’t really know what he was doing, he just knew that he liked it. Kit untucked his feet from under his knees and lay back, pulling Ty with him by the front of his hoodie, their legs entwined with cushions along the length of the sofa. Kit smiled into the kiss and used one of his hands to fish for a pillow and put it under his head, and Ty used the pause to catch his breath and touch his kiss swollen lips. Kit pushed a lock of black hair off his forehead, but his gaze was snagged by something over Ty’s shoulder.

“You bloody cat,” Kit said, fishing for another pillow and throwing it at the back of the chair beneath him, but Church didn’t move, just flicked his tail lazily.

“He brought you to me,” Ty said, shifting to align their bodies more comfortably. Kit’s hand rested lightly on the small of his back.

“Because you’ve been avoiding me for nearly a week,” Kit pointed out, touching his nose to Ty’s. Ty closed his eyes and rubbed his face against the warm, soft skin of the side of his neck.

“I didn’t know what to say to you,” he said against him. Kit’s other arm came around him and held him tightly, enough to feel secure but not enough to hurt or restrict.

“Apparently we don’t need to say anything,” he whispered, his chest vibrating under Ty as he spoke.

“I wish you hadn’t left,” Ty said. Kit hugged him a little bit tighter for a moment, before relaxing his grip again and speaking.

“I wish I hadn’t either, but I also know that I had to. Tessa, Jem, and little Mina… they’re my family Ty and with them I got to have a home, and I got to train like a Shadowhunter, and I got to be loved by parents.” Kit knew that what he said was true, but he couldn’t stop the pain in his chest from flowering at the memory. “I may have been running away from this,” Kit whispered and then Ty felt him kiss the top of his head, “Of how I felt for you and the fear that you didn’t feel the same way back… but what I found was a family of my own.”

“You didn’t say goodbye,” Ty pointed out, feeling wounded still. Kit’s chest deflated with a long sigh.

“I know, and I should have, and if I hadn’t been running away from how I felt about you, I would have said goodbye,” he said. Ty knew it didn’t really change what had happened, nothing would, but it did make him feel a little better to know that Kit had at least thought about it. “I loved you, even then, and I was so terrified of it,” he said. “And I was so hurt that you didn’t love me back.” His voice had dropped to a whisper. Ty put his palms into the cushion on either side of Kit and pushed up to look down at him, feeling annoyed.

“I did love you though,” Ty said, pointing out a fact he thought had been obvious. “You should have talked to me,” he added. Kit had the audacity to laugh.

“I think we were busy thinking about a lot of other things,” he said, “like Livvy and the war at Brocelind and… everything.” He was looking up at Ty from under his eyelashes, keeping a layer between direct eye contact, but still looking at each other.

“I know,” Ty agreed. “I also know that I was not easy to talk to at the time, Livvy has explained what it must have been like to know me while I was grieving.” Kit put his hand on Ty’s cheek too lightly so Ty pressed against his palm.

“You were in a lot of pain, and I was so self-absorbed….” Kit sighed and then smiled, “I guess we found a moment to talk,” he added. Ty nodded, an anxiety bubble he hadn’t realised was there leaving his chest and giving him room to breathe. He inhaled deeply and then lowered himself down again, supporting himself just enough to kiss the other boy without squishing their mouths. Kit gasped as he had the first time, almost as if surprised he was getting kissed again. Kit wrapped his legs around Ty, the pressure new and strange, but not unwelcome and Kit smiled into the kiss. Ty bit his lip gently, feeling as if he was punishing him for taking the kiss away, but the bite just made another, newer noise escape Kit’s mouth. Ty laughed and smoothed his blonde hair off his forehead.

“I have always thought you were beautiful, but you did grow into your features,” Ty told him. Kit smiled and shook his head, some of the blonde locks falling forward again.

“Thanks Ty,” he said and leant up to kiss him quickly. “Can I as you something?” He murmured, resting his head back again.

“Of course,” Ty said, waiting patiently.

“What happens now?” He asked. Ty sat up, properly this time, and Kit tucked his feet back under him again, sitting up as well.

“What do you mean?” Ty asked.

“What happens now? Do we just… be together like Emma and Julian or like Jace and Clary?” He asked. “Or do we just sneak around and turn this room into a make-out den?”

“I don’t want my study to be turned into a secret rendezvous,” Ty said. “Although I don’t mind if you come and distract me sometimes.”

“I can do that,” Kit said with a grin.

“I assumed as much,” Ty said seriously. “But I don’t think we need to be together like my brother and Emma, or Jace and Clary.” Kit tilted his head, waiting for more, or perhaps just thinking, but Ty had more to say. “We don’t need to be together like them, because we will be together like us.”

“I like that answer,” Kit agreed, reaching for Ty’s hand. Ty let him take it, but there was a long, pointed grumble in his stomach, reminding him that it was past dinner time. Kit laughed and stood more gracefully that Ty had ever seen him move, pulling Ty up with him. “Let’s go get something to eat,” he said. Ty nodded, following Kit to the door, but Church was the first one out of the room and scampering down the hallway with his tail in a question mark as he went. He had clearly done his job for the evening.

#kitty #kitty blackdale #twp #tda #kit herondale #ty blackthorn #livvy blackthorn #ghost!livvy #fanfiction

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kit-herondale-carstairs · 4 years

Text

You and Me, The Moon and the Tides

Kit drummed the fingers of his free hand against the counter he was sitting on while he held a cookie in the other. It was his third of the morning but the only ones who had to know were him and his stomach. Besides, no one made cookies as well as Julian and Kit was determined to eat as many as possible before Ty came back from whatever he was doing in his old room.

It was still strange sometimes, even after several years, to be back in the Los Angeles Institute. Like he was fifteen again, trying not to mourn his father’s death and getting swept up in the maelstrom that was Ty Blackthorn. Kit finished off his cookie and grabbed another, forcing old memories away with a large bite. He was twenty-two years old, not a teenager anymore, and he definitely didn’t want to spend one of the few days off he had with Ty reminiscing on their awkward, necromantic teen days.

“Julian’s going to be upset you ate all his cookies.” A voice, soft and familiar, spoke out and Kit looked up from where he had been staring at a small crack in a tile to see Ty standing in the doorway, his lynx Irene obediently sitting by his right foot. Kit didn’t know why - probably because his mind was still partially stuck in his old memories - but he couldn’t help but be struck quite suddenly with how beautiful the other man was. He was still slighter than most Nephilim - although he had lost some of the delicacy he had at fifteen - but Kit knew, rather intimately, the strength held in his lithe body. He still had a delicate face framed with the Blackthorn dark hair, but his jaw and cheekbones had become more pronounced as he’d lost the softness of children and his gray eyes were as sharp as ever.

When Kit had first seen him after coming back to America when they were eighteen, he had thought Ty had looked the way avenging Angels should look - austere but beautiful, alluring but dangerous. Beautiful in the way a well-wrought blade was as it glinted in starlight.

Of course, Ty’s appearance had been sharpened with righteous indignation and his clothing had been covered with the still-smoking ichor of the demon he’d dispatched just before he’d caught sight of Kit, and it had mellowed out in the months and years since, as he and Kit worked together to overcome their less-than-stellar past and had begun dating. Now, the Ty standing before Kit was softer. Still devastatingly beautiful, of course, but soft in the way he held his body, all confidence and comfort, in the rumpled nature of the worn gray sweater that Kit was eighty percent sure he’d stolen from the bottom of his own dresser in their bedroom back home. Soft in the tussled mess of his hair that, in a rare fit of spontaneity he hadn’t bothered to comb that morning because “you and the wind are just going to mess it anyway, soft in the way his eyes, brimming as always with sharp intelligence, seemed to always soften when Kit was in sight.

“They were for the twins, you know.” Ty continued, apparently oblivious to Kit’s distracted thoughts, as he strode into the room, Irene slinking behind him lithely. The twins were Helen and Aline’s boys, two fair-head, baby-faced five-year-olds. They were sweet but mischievous little fae boys and Kit knew he was in for finding some unpleasant things on his person throughout his stay now.

But no matter. The cookies were worth it. “I didn’t eat all of them. They don’t need much.” He responded, sliding off the counter and turning to brush the evidence of his misdeeds from its surface and to place the lid back on the glass container. “You ready, then?” He added, turning back to look at Ty. The other man had yet to explain why he had insisted they take a portal from their flat in London back to spend the day in Los Angeles. Especially on a day when apparently everyone was busy with something or another - no one had bothered to explain what they were doing or why the Institute stood empty, a very rare event indeed for the bustling Blackthorn family.

“Yes.” Ty responded, apparently refusing to offer Kit anymore information, before bending down and catching hold of Irene’s harness and clipping her leash onto her. Ty hated leashing her but LA had rules and Kit for one didn’t want to have another run in with a mundane police officer about animal safety laws.

Kit refused to be bothered by Ty’s lack of forthcoming. He was like that, sometimes, when he was coming up with new ideas and they weren’t formed enough to share them yet. There were times when Ty would spend days like that, hyper-focused on thoughts only he was privy to, until they finally came together and Kit would be the first to hear all about his discovery about how a mundane serial killer was actually a very clever demon they needed to kill before their dinner reservation about his plan on how he was going to convince their mundane neighbor, a kindly but nosy older woman, to stop snooping around their trash without traumatizing her.

Kit knew that, given a bit of time, Ty would share all his thoughts and plans with him, and he hardly ever worried anymore that if he was not involved every step of the way, Ty was going to go off and do something dangerous on his own. They were partners and Ty would always wind up sharing his plans before jumping in on the risky parts. They weren’t fun to do alone, anyway, as Ty had often impatiently told him when they had first begun working together again and Kit had often let his old insecurities make him mistrustful of Ty’s quiet periods.

Kit didn’t think their sudden visit to Los Angeles or the three days’ of quiet hyper-fixation from Ty had anything to do with an unsolved mystery or pesky acquaintances, but he knew better than to worry too much about it. He was certain Ty was preparing to share it with him, although why they had to visit the beach or stop by the Institute to pick something up first, Kit had no idea. Ty had never made a habit of making a spectacle out of his discoveries before.

They fell into a companionable silence as Ty lightly tugged on Irene’s leash, deemed it acceptable, and made his way to the back door of the entrance, Kit following half a step behind.

The walk to the beach was as short as Kit remembered, although they hadn’t been back to it since Julian and Emma’s wedding two years before. Establishing themselves at the London Institute - which included repeatedly side-stepping old Bridget’s continued attempts to have a Herondale back as the Head, much to Jem and Tessa’s inconsiderate amusement - working with Kieran, Cristina, and Mark to rebuild Faerieland after the Final War, and working with Alec and the rest of the surviving Nephilim and Downworlders to reconfigure the old laws into something distinctly modern had kept them from making frequent visits to their old haunts.

Time apart, of course, did not make the feel of warm breezes on his face or the salty smell of the sea waves all around him any less familiar and Kit couldn’t help but breathe in deeply, basking in the sun-kissed warmth of his old hometown. He and Ty both missed it, even though it had been years since either had actually lived in the city. It was good to be back, even if Kit still had no idea why they were there.

Ty was no more forthcoming by the shore than he was back at the Institute, and their silence continued even as he led them down the beach, Irene making little disapproving mewls as she trotted across the sand. She hated the feel of sand on her paws, Kit knew, and he wasn’t quite sure why Ty hadn’t left her at home or in the Institute.

Questions about Irene’s quickly fled his mind, however, when several tall rocks came into view and it became quite clear where Ty had led them. It was where they - Kit, Ty, and Livvy - had gone to look at the tide pools, the very first time they’d gone to the beach together. It was also where, after the war was over, they had said their final goodbyes to Livvy. She had decided to move on, once Ty - in her words - no longer needed her, and before the emptiness she had seen in Dimmat Tam had any chance to claim her. She had floated above these very rocks, smiling faintly down at them before turning to go across the sea, disappearing in the waves. Kit had stood wordlessly as Ty watched the waves for an hour afterwards and he had held him tight in the shadow of the rocks, when the silence crested and Ty had begun crying.

They, for very obvious reasons, had not been back.

“Ty…” Kit trailed off questioningly, casting an alarmed look at his boyfriend. But if Ty was being overcome with an onslaught of bittersweet memories, he was hiding it well. The only indicator that Ty was thinking about it at all was the way his jaw seemed to clench briefly.

“Come up with me.” Ty told him, after a moment, stooping briefly to command Irene to stay before dropping her leash into the sand. Then he took to the rock, climbing onto the top with all the ease and grace of someone born to battle. Kit, inwardly wondering what the hell was going on, quickly followed. “The pools are still here,” Ty said as Kit crested the top. There was a pleased tone to his voice. “I was worried they wouldn’t be, since it’s been so hot.”

“We came to Los Angeles because you wanted to visit the tide pools?” Kit asked, careful to make sure his voice didn’t betray all the confusion he felt. Ty didn’t seem to be reminiscing on Livvy too much and he hadn’t broken down again since the day of her departure, although Kit knew all too well that he still felt the dull-ache of her loss.

“It’s the first place we went to on the beach.” Ty said matter-of-factly, carefully turning from the pools to look at Kit. Kit’s breath caught despite himself. Ty was smiling at him softly, his whole body illuminate by the sun so that he seemed to nearly glow in the morning light. “And it’s the last place we saw Livvy. It’s an important place for us, don’t you think?” He continued, still smiling that soft, breathtaking smile. Even though he was still confused, Kit could feel his heartbeat pick up, as though it had figured something out before his mind did. It wasn’t necessarily an unpleasant feeling.

“Yeah. It really is.” Kit answered after a moment. Ty’s smile grew as his eyes - nearly silver in the light - caught Kit’s gaze and held onto it and Kit felt his whole body grow warm in a way that had nothing to do with the sun. Ty didn’t often make eye contact, even after all these years, and Kit’s heart hadn’t ceased to pick up whenever he did. Privately, Kit hoped it never did.

“It’s a bittersweet place,” Ty continued, voice still matter-of-fact. “But it’s where I feel closest to Livvy, and I wanted her to be here for this, even if it’s just in my mind.” Kit was still unsure what “this” was but he was starting to get an idea. They had spoken about it, of course, at great length because Ty didn’t want to do anything without a clear plan, but he hadn’t thought it would be anytime soon. He hadn’t thought Ty would beat him to it.

“Ty…” he said again, his voice suddenly breathless, eyes wide. Ty just shook his head.

“Let me speak, please. You’ve always been the one good at putting your thoughts into words, I’d like to be the one to do that for a change.” Kit nearly laughed - trust Ty to be so official in a moment like this. But then Ty swooped down, his knee hitting the ground with a soft thud, and Kit quite suddenly couldn’t find the breath to even gasp. In complete, shocked silence, Kit let Ty take his hand into his own, staring down rapturously at his boyfriend’s face.

“You once told me, in a ring of fire, that you loved me.” Ty began, his pale fingers softly tracing the mark on Kit’s wrist that he’d made years ago. Kit really didn’t think he needed a reminder of that particular memory at this moment but Ty continued on before he could say anything, no doubt sensing Kit’s inherent sarcasm defense rearing up. “I didn’t know, then, what those words meant. I knew, logically, what others meant when they said them to me, but I really didn’t get it. Actions always made more sense to me - Julian giving me toys to fidget with so Diana didn’t get mad at me in lessons, Livvy learning how to use a computer with me so we could solve mysteries together, Dru inviting me to one of her movies even though she knew I was just going to talk about all the inaccuracies.

Actions were how I knew my family loved me. So when you said them, I didn’t understand. And then you left, and I really didn’t understand. We weren’t talking anymore, and that was one of the worst moments of my life. I had Livvy back, but I lost you. Then you sent me your mother’s necklace. We weren’t talking, weren’t friends, but you’d heard that Livvy and I were struggling and you sent me that necklace. And I understood then, I think, what you’d meant. But I thought it was too late - you were gone and you didn’t answer the letter I sent.

And then, before I knew it, years had gone by without you. And it was strange, how long it took for me to get used to you not being by me, even though we hadn’t known each other long. And then you came back, and it was like - like the sun coming out after a cloudy day. I had been living fine in shadows but suddenly it was warm and bright again. I thought it would take us awhile to get back to what we had, I was angry - you were wary. But being around you was like reciting the alphabet, it came easy and natural. And when you kissed me that first time in Faerie, when we thought we were going to die, I finally, really understood. And when I told you I loved you on the last battlefield, I meant it. I’ll always mean it.

The world may not always work in ways that make sense to me. Sometimes it’s too loud. Sometimes words have no meaning and sometimes people say things I’m somehow supposed to get but it’s just’s nonsense. But you, you’ve always made sense to me. I don’t believe in soulmates and destiny, and all those weird true love things that show up in those cheesy movies you like, but I believe in you and I believe in us. Because we make sense. It’s like -” here Ty stopped, just for a moment. He seemed to be struggling for the right analogy, which was frankly shocking because he had been doing admirably well so far, for someone who claimed not be good with words.

“It’s like you’re the moon and I’m the tides. Without you, I feel strangely weightless sometimes, like I’m moving without purpose. But you draw me towards you, you bring rhythm to my life that keeps me grounded. You draw me back when I’m going too far - when I’m running three days without sleep, you get me into bed even if you have to lay on me like a weighted blanket until I fall asleep.” Kit had only had to do that once, and it had been after a record-breaking two weeks of no sleep except exhausted cat naps right after the war had ended, but Kit wasn’t about to correct him right then. He was finding it hard enough to even hear Ty over the sound of his thudding heart and it was getting hard to look at the other man through a sudden clouding of his eyes that he would later fully admit was the beginnings of tears.

“And you draw me forward when I need to go - you make it easy to bear when the world gets too loud and even though I can be difficult, you never leave me behind. You are endlessly patient, you are kind and generous, and you are just so good that sometimes it’s overwhelming. But I don’t ever want to draw away from you, I want to be by your side through everything that comes our way. I love you, Kit Herondale. I love you, I love you, I love you and I want to keep loving you.” Through blurry eyes, Kit watched as Ty, with one hand still holding tight to Kit’s, put his other hand to his mouth and whistle lowly over the stone. Within moments, Irene had leaped lightly onto the stone and Kit noticed, rather stupidly, for the first time that there was something gleaming dangling around the clasp of Irene’s leash. It was a ring, of course. Kit’s tears continued to flow more freely as Ty reached over and carefully unclasped her leash, catching the ring one-handed because Kit was now holding his other hand far too tightly to pull away.

Ty turned back to Kit then and held out the ring. “If you’d let me.” His voice was a whisper, then but Kit heard it easily enough even above the roar of the waves behind them. He was attuned to Ty so completely that he would have heard the whisper anywhere, over anything.

“Are you fucking kidding?” Kit practically yelled and Ty nearly flinched in surprise. “You’re bad with words? I’m actually crying right now, you - you jerk! What the fuck!” Kit’s rather harsh words - and really, could anyone blame him? he hadn’t expected this when Ty had woken him up that morning- were completely undermined by him dropping down to his knees and swooping Ty into a tight embrace. He couldn’t think of how to put his swirling thoughts into words so he settled for what Ty understood best - he pressed his lips firmly against his and kissed him soundly.

He still couldn’t think of how to say what Ty made him feel - loved and cherished and happy, always so very happy, were some of them but they weren’t enough to explain how he felt, weren’t powerful enough to encompass even half of his emotions. But he could say one word and, at that particular moment, it was the perfect word to say.

“Yes,” he murmured against his fiancee’s lips. “Yes, yes, yes.”

This is also posted on AO3 under GinnyRose.

#kitty #kit herondale #kit rook #ty blackthorn #this was meant to be way shorter #but I have zero impulse control #twp #the wicked powers #gotsm #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles #mortal instruments #the dark artifices #fanfic

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liviethewriter · 4 years

Text

Nightmares || Ezio x Reader

Fandom: Assassin’s Creed Type: Oneshot Requester: None Warnings: Fluff, Italian Swearing, Minor Violence, SPOILERS for Assassin’s Creed 2 Note: You gotta admit, the expressions in a lot of Assassin’s Creed games are just simply great. For example, Ezio’s expression in AC2 when his mother said, “Still recovering from last night?” And almost instantly, he feints surprise, like, “Uh, no idea what you’re talking about…” I’m laughing just thinking about it! Also, I wish to apologize for any incorrect translations. My first language is English, and I can speak some basic Japanese. Google Translate was bullied here. Anywho, the Assassin’s Creed franchise is not mine, and rights to it go to Ubisoft. You are your own person. The only thing that is mine is the fan fiction itself. Enjoy! -Livie

All was quiet in the halls of the Villa Auditore. Moonlight spilled through the windows of the villa, illuminating the rooms it could get into. The inhabitants were sound asleep, save for one soul. A woman by the name of Y/N.

Y/N was a traveling bookbinder, a book doctor of sorts. Most men did this job, but she was one of the few women who mended old books and bound new manuscripts together. Women were especially good at this, mainly because of their ability to skillfully use a needle with thread. Y/N loved books and her services were fairly priced. On top of that, she was pretty friendly to many clientele.

Y/N was a close friend to Giovanni Auditore, a banker of Firenze. He had many documents and files, and she traveled through Firenze frequently. Whenever she was in town, he’d have her weave some of the books together and always paid her full price for her services. He even let her stay with his family for a few days if she were weary of travel.

Thus, Y/N became a close friend to the Auditore family. Maria, the mother, was approving of her choice of profession, as most women around this time period flocked to a brothel or began displaying their cleavage in hopes of hooking a husband on the streets. Fredrico seemed to like her, as a friend of course. He was already promised to another woman, and she was not too keen on making enemies. Petruccio avoided Y/N, though she never understood whether it was because he was shy or if he was disliking of her. Y/N and Claudia got along fairly well, and the bookbinder often gave her advice about Duccio. She was especially upset when she found out that he was being unfaithful.

It was the middle son, Ezio, that vexed Y/N the most. She never got too close to him, knowing he was with another woman by the name of Cristina Vespucci. But Ezio was always quick to throw Y/N that adorable, cocky grin of his. She could never tell if he was trying to flirt with her, or if he was trying to make her lighten up. He loved spending time with her. Whenever Ezio wasn’t running errands for his family or doing chores (or other unmentionable things), he was spending time with Y/N, grinning and joking around with her.

But then the Auditore family ran into trouble. Y/N didn’t even know about it until she was passing through Firenze on a supply run, and she heard a passerby say, “I can’t believe it. Who’d have thought the Auditore family…? Mio Dio (My God).”

Y/N felt her stomach hollow, and she grabbed the man by the shoulder and said, “Wait, what happened?”

“You didn’t hear?” The man looked surprised. “Giovanni, Fredrico, and Petruccio Auditore da Firenze were hung yesterday for treason and conspiracy to murder.”

Y/N let him go as he shrugged and walked away. Stumbling to an alleyway, she threw up, shaking. Giovanni and two of his sons were dead? Mio Dio, indeed. Feeling unsteady on her legs, she wiped at her mouth. Then what did that mean for Maria, Claudia, and Ezio? Were they all alright? Were they running? Did they escape? So little time, so many questions.

And so began her search for the remanents of the Auditore family.

Y/N didn’t find them until several months later at Villa Auditore, in Monteriggioni. She had stopped there for a few supplies. She was looking around some of the stalls for flasks and food when suddenly she was grabbed from behind and dragged into a nearby alleyway.

Y/N struggled, about to bite the hand over her mouth. But she was suddenly turned around and met with a pair of familiar brown eyes, glittering happily in the dimness of the alleyway. The fire in her eyes quickly dissipated, recognizing the face in front of her. He had aged a bit since she had last met him, dark brown stubble lining his jaw and amplifying his handsome appearance. Y/N was definitely attracted to Ezio.

The Auditore Assassin grinned at her. “Y/N! Mio Dio, look at you!”

She grinned right back at him, hugging him around the neck. “Ezio!”

Ezio laughed a little and hugged her right back, his strong embrace nearly crushing her. A surprised squeak from Y/N was all it took for him to let her go and hold her at arm’s length. “Where have you been?” Y/N asked excitedly.

“Here. There. Everywhere,” Ezio shrugged, chuckling softly as he cocked a brow at her.

Y/N shook her head, smiling a little. “That’s so like you, to be vague,” she commented, to which Ezio proceeded to pretend to be surprised.

“Bellissima (Gorgeous), what ever do you mean?” Ezio asked, a hand lying across his heart.

Y/N laughed and he grinned, chuckling along with you. Putting an arm around her, he said, “Venire (Come), Mother and Claudia will want to see you.”

Excited at the prospect to see the Auditore family she had been searching for so long, Y/N happily went with him. As the two of them exited the alleyway, Y/N noticed the white armored outfit he was wearing. It wasn’t exactly what she’d expect Ezio to wear. No one seemed to be bothered by its peculiar style. In fact, they seemed to welcome Ezio, greeting him happily.

A group of girls giggled and flaunted themselves invitingly as the two passed by and a dark feeling curdled in the pit of her stomach. With a stab of shock, Y/N realized the feeling was jealousy. Why was she jealous of a few brothel-born women who wore clothing that left little to the imagination?

It definitely had something to do with the fact that she had Ezio by her side. Or maybe it had something to do with the fact that he interested her. In more ways than one.

Curious, Y/N then decided to ask it. “So… how’re you and Cristina?”

Ezio knew she had to have some reason for asking about his former girlfriend. With his free hand, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, we’re no longer a couple, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Y/N widened her eyes, flabbergasted. “Wha-! What happened?”

Ezio looked at her, seeming a little upset. “Well, after my father and brothers… you know, I took my mother and sister here. We were about to leave for a ship to Spain, but my Uncle Mario convinced me to stay here. Since Cristina did not know if I would return or not, her father betrothed her to another man. I did nothing as I knew her father did not like me. And I did not want Cristina to be called an unfaithful puttana (whore). So…”

Y/N frowned sympathetically. “Oh… I’m sorry, Ezio.”

“No, non scusarti. (No, don’t apologize.) After all, I think Cristina will be happier with him.” Ezio looked forward, sighing a little as the tips of his hair brushed his cheekbones.

Y/N always thought he had handsome features, but with the dark brown facial hair coming in, she thought he looked absolutely gorgeous.

“Mio dolce (My sweet), you’re staring,” Ezio teased, a playful little smirking gracing his features as he looked at her from the corner of his eye.

A light pink dusted YN’s face as she sharply looked forward, tense. Ezio laughed heartily, his brown eyes glittering in amusement. Y/N shook her head, huffing.

Only then did she notice that they were going to the large villa ahead. Y/N went bug-eyed. “No way,” she mumbled in amazement.

Ezio chuckled as the two reached the top of the stairs leading to the front yard. He guided her inside, grinning. “Y/N, welcome to Villa Auditore!”

Y/N was stunned by the beauty of the recently restored Villa. It was exquisite outside. But inside was absolutely beautiful. “Stunning, sì (yes)?” Ezio asked, standing by the door as she looked around in wonder.

Y/N looked at Ezio, smiling. She was at a loss for words, so she merely nodded.

“I can think of a few other things that are twice as stunning. One of which is smiling right at me,” Ezio chuckled at his obvious flirt.

He looked fairly amused as the heat rushed to Y/N’s face and she looked away.

~~~

And now here she was. It must’ve been close to midnight. Y/N was shaking, terrified. She had just woken from a gruesome nightmare that’d both horrified her and made her cry softly.

It’d been Ezio on the gallows, not his father and brothers. She’d woken up as his screams for her to run were cut short as the trapdoor let out and the rope was drawn taut.

Comfort. Y/N wanted comfort. She knew where Ezio’s room was thanks to Claudia giving her a tour of the entire Villa earlier that evening. Claudia had been excited to see her, but Maria was a little… out of it. Y/N had expected her to be in shock like she was.

Shaking a little, Y/N wrapped her blanket around herself, nibbling on her lower lip as she got out of bed. She was quiet as she quietly walked down the corridors to Ezio’s room. Y/N raised her hand to knock on the door, but she hesitated, unsure if he’d even be in a good mood.

But Y/N still wanted to be near someone. To have human contact. And she only felt close enough to Ezio to allow herself close like that. Mustering up her courage, she knocked on the door softly, before wiping her red eyes and suppressing a sniffle.

The thought of the rope creaking as Ezio’s limp body swung from it nearly shook Y/N to tears again, but Ezio opened the door before she could break down crying again. He was only dressed in his dark trousers and a thin, white nightshirt. He instantly took note of her tear-stained face and reddened irritated eyes, and he realized what had happened without her needing to say anything.

“Oh, amore (love), come here,” he said softly, drawing her into his embrace and cradling her head to his chest.

Ezio pulled Y/N into the room and closed the door, having a feeling that she didn’t want to be seen in such a state. She was trembling as she held onto Ezio as if he were life itself. The Assassin held her close, kissing the top of her head and whispering sweet nothings to her soothingly.

When he heard a sniffle, he looked down to see Y/N silently crying. She was scared. And knowing this broke the Italian man’s heart a little. He had liked Y/N for quite a long time. But she was always rejecting any flirts from him, knowing he was with Cristina. But with his former girlfriend going to another man, he had no hesitation with being there for Y/N.

Gathering her up in his arms, Ezio carried her over to the bed and let the frightened woman sit in his lap as he held her close and comforted her. Ezio knew that talking about your nightmares often helped, but he wasn’t sure that talking about a nightmare that scared Y/N this badly would help anyone but the demons haunting her.

Ezio gently rocked her, still softly whispering in Italian. He would’ve told anyone else to just grow up. But Y/N wasn’t just anyone to him.

It wasn’t that much longer until Ezio noticed that Y/N’s soft crying had faded to hiccups. He looked down at her, very gently moving some of her hair out of her face. Her eyes were red and irritated even more than before, and her cheeks were wet with salty tears. Her face was flushed red and her lips were moistened.

Sitting her up a little more, Ezio cupped her cheeks in his hands and drew his thumbs across the still-damp skin. “Guardami, bella… (Look at me, beautiful…)” Ezio said softly, noticing that her eyes were looking down as she attempted to collect her thoughts.

Y/N’s chest lurched a little as she hiccupped again, but she complied and brought her eyes up to meet Ezio’s dark chocolate irises. Ezio’s gaze softened before he closed his eyes and pressed a gentle, chaste kiss to her salty lips, still wet with tears.

Y/N froze, her eyes widening at the feeling of Ezio’s plush, slightly chapped lips. It was a feeling foreign to her. But it still made her momentarily forget about her fears. Ezio opened his eyes as the kiss ended, and said, “Are you alright now, Y/N?”

The bookbinder nodded, her eyes a little wide at this point. Ezio nodded as well. “Bene, bene… (Good, good…)” Ezio murmured as he held her close again.

Y/N didn’t protest as he laid down on the bed, pulling her with him. She snuggled up to him, feeling the warmth seeping through the thin white shirt he was wearing. Ezio smiled fondly at her, affection in his eyes as he pulled his red covers over himself and Y/N. “Ti amo (I love you), Y/N,” Ezio whispered softly.

He was responded to by Y/N, who said quietly, “Ti amo anch'io (I love you too), Ezio.”

As they returned to the depths of the dream world, Ezio hoped Y/N’s nightmares would not return. He buried his face in her orange scented hair, closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep.

#ezio #ezio auditore #ezio assassins creed #assassin's creed #assasin's creed 2 #assassin's creed brotherhood #ezio x reader #ezio reader insert

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beclynn-herondale · 4 years

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Clace Week day 5 - wedding

( the characters and world belong to miss Cassie Clare) ( the pictures are from pinterest and the two people in the middle are Alex Pettyfer and Luca Hollestelle)

"The day is here"

Clary was nervous not about the fact she was going to be married to Jace today but the fact that everyone would be watching her and she knew she was going to cry and she hates crying in front of anyone but Jace really, But she decided she doesn't care because she knew when she looked in his eyes that it would all go away and she would the happiest she can be. Isabelle did her makeup and hair and helped her pick out a dress, she appreciated it plus her and izzy got to spend some time together, Emma was helping as well, Izzy is her maid of honor and Emma one of her bridesmaids Clary didn't know many girls but Emma suggested to Havw Cristina and Dru also be Bridesmaids which Clary didn't mine they are all wonderful people. And they looked beautiful. She was almost ready, Luke was walking her down to Jace.

Jace was ready and a little nervous not normal for him, Although this doesn't happen every day, everyone would see him and Clary get married, and he knew he would be emotional, but it is going to be one of the best moments of his life, and he couldn't wait to be bond and never apart again. Alec is his best man and Simon and Magnus and Julian cause Emma insisted although Jace didn't think Julian really wanted to do it but he did. And now they were just waiting for Clary.

Luke took Clary's arm and they started walking down the aisle, she and Jace decided to honor mundane tradition as well. As she was she saw Jace look at her walking to him and saw all the emotions he was feeling, the happiness, the unbelieving look of I can't believe you choose me, the tears that were bound to come soon, and she knew because she felt the same. As she stepped up and Jace took her hand, he whispered in her ear I can't believe the most beautiful woman said yes to me, she blushed big, and had to admit he was extremely handsome and hot in his cold suit that brightened his hair and eyes and showed how gold they both are and his such a beautiful gold was perfect for today, she couldn't ask for anyone better.

Jace looked at Clary and couldn't believe that she said Yes to him, well I mean I guess he said yes to but still the fact that she asked and told him no one else I will want no one else made him feel happier then he ever thought he'd be, that someone wanted him and him only. And he was looking at her now her big green eyes shining like the most beautiful star he has ever seen, I can't believe my soon to be husband is so hot Clary whispered to him and he'd be lying if that didn't make him feel happy, well I am good looking he whispered back and she giggled and he thought everyone in the audience was probably wondering what they were talking about but it's none of their business, and as the person who was marrying them said the words and they said their vows and the woman said I now pronounce you Mr. And Mrs. Herondale.

And they kissed with tears because they did it they really did it and they couldn't be happier especially with the fact that baby heron number 1 and 2 were on the way not that many knew that except their close family and friends that were like family.

( hopefully you enjoyed I am sorry it's not that great, I wish it was better, I may edit later though and add on idk)

[ tags @sarcasticmalecfan @tsc-clave @thomaslightwoodx @rednailpolishqueen @theheavenlybooks @daisyherxndale @sorta-a-perfectionist @annlightwood ]

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lia-jones · 4 years

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Growing Stronger - Chapter Twenty-Five - Lost In Translation

It had been Victor’s idea to go olive picking. Not that he was necessarily outright about it, but since Andrea had told him about it, he started mentioning it here and there, showing his interest. Andrea soon started making arrangements for their week in Portugal, although he could tell she was apprehensive about it. That was exactly the problem Victor had to address. He wanted Andrea to feel comfortable in having him in her life.

Victor also knew how important family was to Andrea, so it was important that he get along with them. Being welcoming as they were, that wasn’t a hard task at all. In the days they were at her parents’ house, he kept being invited by each one of the family members to engage in some kind of activity, for the purpose of bonding.

Joshua was the first, inviting him to the rehearsal of the orchestra that he played for and, a few days later, a soccer match with some of his friends. It had been an incredibly long time since Victor played soccer, always busy with work and his other duties, but he had to acknowledge that he enjoyed his time with Andrea’s brother. Joshua was a free spirit, much like his father, but had a competitive spirit that came out in the game. It was their mutual determination that made them connect and work together, leading them to victory. By the time they got home, they were bantering like they had been lifelong friends. The shared camaraderie made Andrea smile, and Victor knew he was on the right path.

It wasn’t difficult to find common ground with Andrea’s father, since enology was a shared passion. Jeremy would come home with a new bottle of wine from work and share it with Victor, or they would step down to his remarkable private cellar to enjoy one of his bottles. Although Victor had regarded Andrea’s father as a bit of a goof before, so particularly keen on saying inappropriate things at the wrong time or being completely oblivious to social cues, he soon learned that that man was incredibly cultured and well-traveled, and was a truly amazing encyclopedia of knowledge about the world. Conversations with him were stimulating and riveting, and Victor was pleasantly surprised to find that he learned things he knew nothing about before their conversation.

Mariana was the heart of the house, the voice of reason, and, being a therapist, human relations and emotions were her forte. Victor knew how closed off he could be, but Andrea’s mother read him like a book, always knowing when he wasn’t feeling comfortable and taking action accordingly to put him at ease. It was very easy to trace some of Andrea’s traits back to her mother, especially her strength and determination, her keen intuition, and insightfulness. Mariana would often invite Victor to help cook a meal, knowing it was probably the one place in the entire house he felt most comfortable in. And to Victor’s great astonishment, he found himself completely relaxed, sharing his view of the world and many aspects of his personal life while he happily chopped ingredients or stirred pots. Of all the members of the family, Mariana was the one he felt the most comfortable with, because she reminded him so much of Andrea.

There was a family member that Victor hadn’t made any intentions to bond with, but such had proven to be inevitable: Andrea’s baby niece, Ana. Victor was never really good with kids, and never felt any kind of attraction towards them or the idea of having a few of his own, until he started to date Andrea. One day Cristina showed up with the little girl, asking Victor and Andrea to babysit while she dealt with some urgent professional affairs, and he couldn’t help but feel captivated by those big green eyes and easy yet innocent smile. Soon, it had captured his interest to understand how the little child perceived the world, and how could he affect it. He took pleasure in playing with her, watching her learn and enthusiastically respond to new stimuli: his tie, his car keys, his very large hands holding her tiny ones. Soon enough, Ana became one of Victor’s favorite people, and the baby girl seemed to return the affection. Much like her aunt, he couldn’t be around her without a smile on his face and a warm feeling in his heart.

Now that he was in an even more foreign territory--Andrea’s grandmother’s farm--Victor realized he was starting to see these people as his familiar world. And invariably, these people were consistently by his side, helping him navigate the novelty of a strange culture and language. Victor, always so guarded and self-dependent, could now fully understand the feeling of having a family he could rely on, even if it wasn’t his own. That made him appreciate Andrea’s family even more, and deepen the already profound love he felt for his girlfriend. She opened his world to new and amazing experiences, and he couldn’t feel more grateful for having her in his life.

“Are you comfortable in your bed?” He heard Joshua speak above him. “We can trade if you feel better on the top bunk.”

“I’m comfortable here, you don’t need to worry.” Victor closed his eyes, preparing himself to meet Morpheus. He was exhausted.

“I’m sorry for the sleeping arrangements.” Joshua apologized with a tinge of bitterness in his voice. “My grandma can be so uptight sometimes.”

“It’s alright, reminds me of my college days.” Victor could feel the tension leave each and single one of his sore muscles. If only Joshua would stop talking and let him sleep.

“I mean, I’m married, for crying out loud. Why do I have to sleep away from my wife? What does she think, that Ana was brought by the stork?”

It was evident that Victor wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon. The polite thing to do was to engage in conversation. Maybe Joshua would tire faster and finally shut up.

“No funny business.” Victor playfully warned. “Boys on one side, girls on the other.”

“No… She told you that? Way to welcome people.”

“She said something, but I couldn’t understand what. However, her impromptu sign language was quite explanatory.” Victor chuckled.

“Don’t tell me she made the gesture with her fingers making a circle, and her other finger…” Joshua laughed. “Priceless. I wish I was there to see it.”

“She did. And it wasn’t priceless, it was mortifying.” Victor complained in a flat tone.

“Yeah, she has this… aura around her. She can make an adult feel like a teenager again.” Joshua paused, and when he spoke again, his tone was much more serious. “I know she looks like a tough nut to crack, but she’s actually very sweet. Kind of like you.”

Victor wondered for a moment why people insisted on comparing him to a grumpy old lady. It wasn’t very flattering.

“I’m sure we’ll reach common ground soon. Good night, Joshua.” Victor put an end to the conversation, looking forward to a deep restorative sleep.

“Sleep well, Victor.”

It didn’t take five minutes for Victor to hear Joshua’s deep breaths, indicating he was asleep. However, Victor was not. The conversation has stirred old memories in his mind, making his brain particularly active. Should’ve just told Joshua to shut up and be done with it.

He tossed and turned in his bed, thinking about something he hadn’t considered in a very long time: his college days. Victor’s father was a devout follower and believer of discipline and rigor, so it wasn’t a surprise that when Victor revealed that he had been accepted in Harvard to take the Finance degree, he was told he wouldn’t be staying in the University’s dorm. “You are there so you can get an education, not experiment on illicit drugs and poor judgment”, his father said. Instead, Victor would sleep in the Military Academy dorm as a guest, where he would have the strictness and standards that make a boy a man.

At the tender age of eighteen, Victor found himself in quite the predicament. He was frowned upon at Harvard because he came from a wealthy family, and people assumed his father had bought his admission, which wasn’t the case. Victor had to work very hard to be where he was, since his father believed he shouldn’t rely on the family name, making a name for himself instead. He was also frowned upon at the Military Academy dorm by his roommates, who also had a prejudice against his family of origin. They believed that he was an entitled snotty kid, the kind he knew very well from boarding school, always relying on their parents to get them out of trouble, and slacking off on their commitments, because, truth be told, they didn’t need to honor them anyway.

However, Victor was determined and eager to prove all those fools wrong. At first, he kept to himself, suffering all the insults in silence, knowing that sooner or later, he would make them swallow their own words. He got up at 5 am every morning for the Academy’s mandatory hour of exercise, shower, and help his fellow dormmates prepare breakfast. After breakfast, he would make his own bed impeccably and tidy his room for the usual rounds. At 8 am, he was already in college, taking his courses and spending whatever time he had free at the library, studying, or working on assignments. Then he would return to the dorm, have dinner and help clean the kitchen and canteen, then have a quick shower and put on his pajamas and spend time alone in his room, reading a book or listening to some music as he worked on his laptop.

Victor didn’t have any friends, so he spent most of his time alone, focused on his real goal there: his education. He didn’t want to just graduate, he wanted to do it with high praise, his way to impress his father, in a secret hope of conquering his affection. Sometimes some girls would approach him, and while he let himself entertain with one of them for a while, the romance was short-lived, since Victor didn’t have any interest or time to invest much in it.

By the time the school year was nearly finished, he had conquered the respect of his peers, by showing them he was more than a rich kid with a pretty face. He was finally able to make a few friends, one of them being Ted Kasey, the extrovert red-haired guy that everybody seemed to love. However, Victor still kept to himself, opting to continue spending most of his time on his own. The experience had taught him that relationships were fleeting and volatile, but results were concrete and everlasting. This would be the policy he would adopt for himself for the rest of his life, his determination focused more on results than feelings or relationships.

That is, until he met Andrea. It wasn’t exactly that he was less driven or less focused after meeting her, but that Victor found the value of meaningful relationships. And in retrospect, he reckoned the time he spent in college would be a lot less hard if he had had a true friend to confide with, a pillar he could lean on in time of need. Andrea was that and a lot more: she was his lover, his best friend, his confidant. He finally felt he had someone on his team, rooting for him, making him reach newer heights, and helping him in the case that he tumbled down. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for her.

Which brought to his mind the matter of her grandmother. Like his mates back in college, he felt that she looked at him and saw nothing but a snob man in a suit. But like before, he would change her mind. He took every hard task she gave him that day and was respectful of her values to show her that he was worthy of Andrea’s love. He would show her he had a spine, honor and high values, and he was more than capable to nurture and provide for her granddaughter.

The feeling of confidence filled Victor’s heart with joy and pride, and he was finally able to find a comfortable position on that bed that barely gave him room to move. Victor imagined the warmth of his loved one in his arms, closed his eyes, and with a soft sigh, fell asleep.

A moment later, he heard Joshua’s voice again.

“Hey, Vic, wake up.” Joshua shook Victor’s shoulder.

Victor was not a violent man, but he could smack Joshua for having the audacity of waking him up by shaking him and calling him Vic. Opening one eye, he noticed the sunlight coming through the bedroom window. It was already morning. Early morning, but still, time to be in bed. Victor groaned, turning away from Joshua and the light. He could use a few more hours of sleep.

“Andrea needs us to go pick up the bread from the bakery.” Joshua shook Victor again. “She needs it for breakfast.”

The mention of Andrea’s name made Victor forget about her brother’s lack of manners and turn again to face him, opening both eyes.

“Alright.” He sleepily tried to rub the exhaustion out of his eyes. “Give me fifteen minutes to shave and get dressed.”

“This is the country, man.” Joshua chuckled. “You don’t need to shave. Be ready in five, I’ll be waiting for you outside. We need to hurry.”

Maybe Joshua didn’t mind walking around looking like a bum, but it wasn’t Victor’s case. He rubbed his face, trying to assess how long his stubble was. It seemed manageable, so he decided to get dressed and ready and shave when he returned. He found Joshua waiting by the car.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get decent coffee when we get there.” Joshua rolled out his window, letting the cool breeze in. “We both look like we need it.”

While they waited for the baker and his employees to prepare the many bags of bread they would be taking, Victor and Joshua enjoyed their coffee at a table outside in silence, appreciating the cool Autumn breeze.

“So.” Joshua started, his voice solemn. “My mom told me about the chat you had with her and my dad this week.”

Victor froze.

“You disapprove?” He watched Joshua’s reaction carefully.

“No, man, I’m happy.” Joshua smiled. “She deserves it, you know, after all she’s been through. And it’s pretty clear you care for her. You’re putting up with my grandmother. That’s quite the feat.”

Victor suppressed a smile, taking a sip of his coffee.

“She calls you Stretchy, you know?” Joshua laughed.

“Your grandmother?” Victor chuckled. “I was wondering what Esticadinho meant. It’s not as bad as I thought I would be.”

“You know, I didn’t like you very much at first.” Joshua narrowed his eyes at him.

“People usually don’t.” Victor lowered his eyes, remembering how Andrea seemed to loathe him during her first months in LFG.

“But you’re a good guy.” Victor looked up, noticing Joshua extending his hand for him to shake. “I’m glad you’re in my sister’s life.”

“I’m glad she’s in my life too.” Victor shook the twin’s hand with a broad smile. “I intend on making her the happiest woman in this world, if she’ll have me.”

Victor barely had the time to talk to Andrea, who was busy cooking and serving breakfast to all the people working at the mill. After the meal, her grandmother took him by his arm, leading him to the mill. As always, Victor followed with a smile. He was curious to know what task she had for him now.

“Isto é uma peneira.” Victor looked at what Bia was pointing, it looked like some kind of sifter. Perhaps the one Andrea was talking about the previous day. “Tu mexes as azeitonas com a rama, e a rama cai.”

Victor only understood azeitonas , which meant olives. The old lady understood his confusion.

She took a bag half-filled with the olives they had harvested the day before, dumping it on the contraption. She turned to him, raising her voice. Maybe he thought that if she yelled at him, he would understand her better. Most days Victor would find that painfully annoying, but in this case it made him laugh.

“Azeitona.” She picked an olive. “Rama. Ou folhas.” She picked some leaves. “Mexes assim.” She rolled the olives in the sifter, and he watched the leaves fall to the ground.

“Com força, não.” Victor knew força meant strength, and não meant no. He had to be gentle. He nodded to show he understood, rolling up his sleeves to start working.

“Tu não vais ser como o outro cabrão, pois não?” The grandmother asked him with emotion in her eyes. “Trata bem da minha menina.”

Victor had no clue what the old lady was talking about, but he recognized the word menina , which meant girl, so she was most likely talking about Andrea. This was a serious conversation, and he didn’t want to miss one single word of it, or give way to misunderstandings.

He had refused to use the app on his phone, considering it would act as a crutch and stall his learning. But at that moment, it would be useful. He took the phone out of his pocket and opened the app.

“Falas aqui.” His Portuguese was intolerably basic, but he hoped she understood that he wanted her to talk to the phone, so the app would translate it. She took his phone out of his hand with a suspicious look.

“Trata bem a minha menina. Ela já passou por muito. Ela não merece sofrer.” She said as she pressed the button he indicated her. He read the translation: Treat my girl well. She's been through a lot. She doesn't deserve to suffer.

“Eu amo-a.” Victor tried to pronounce the words right, speaking slowly. “Muito. Mais do que vida minha.” He hoped that what he said was that he loved Andrea more than his own life. He seemed to have gotten it right, because the lady smiled at him, for the first time.

“És um bom menino, Esticadinho.” She stroke his cheek in a motherly way, and he understood she was praising him, although calling him a good boy wasn’t exactly the praise he was looking for.

“Obrigado.” He smiled.

“Agora vê se te portas bem com ela e se o manténs guardadinho nas calças, sim?” She smacked him in the gut, just above the belt, hard enough for him to slightly double over. Calças meant pants. She was telling him to keep it in his pants. Victor didn’t need to be proficient in English to know that. Without any other word, Andrea’s grandmother left him to work.

Victor was finishing sorting his second bag when Andrea’s father came to him.

“Go help Andrea in the kitchen. We got this.” Jeremy took the bag Victor was pouring in the sifter from his hands.

“Dona Bia asked, I don’t mind.” He explained, thinking they were trying to give him some relief from all the chores.

“Andrea needs you, actually. Ana is not feeling well, Cristina had to take her to the village doctor. She’s one person short and, according to her, she needs someone capable .” Victor wondered if Jeremy had been tossed out of the kitchen, judging by how he said it.

The kitchen counter was filled with vegetables, with barely any wiggle room. Mariana was cutting vegetables, while Andrea was at the stove, busy with pots and pans.

“Do you want me to do that?” Victor approached Mariana. “I can do it a lot faster.”

“By all means! Go ahead!” Mariana handed him the knife, sounding relieved. “I’m going to tell Josh to start the fire at the mill, so we can cook the food.”

“We are cooking this in the mill?” Victor raised an eyebrow, while he quickly chopped the cabbage as he saw Mariana do. “What are we cooking anyway?”

“ Cozido á Portuguesa. A kind of Portuguese stew with pork and vegetables. Josh has to start a fire to begin extracting the oil from the olives, and we are using that heat to cook the ingredients in clay pots. It gives them an extra flavor. Didn’t my grandmother give you a tour of the mill? I thought that’s why she was taking you with her.” Andrea asked while she removed cooked meat from steel pots to clay ones.

“No, she wanted me to sift the olives.” Victor was done with the cabbages and moved on to peeling carrots.

“I’m sorry if she’s being too hard on you.” Andrea gave him a worried look.

“You don’t need to worry about that. I’m enjoying myself.” Victor offered her a smile, and as he predicted, the sparkle in her eyes returned. “I think she likes me better now.”

“Well, she never hated you.” Andrea came closer to him, taking the knife out of his hands and placing it on the board. “It’s the whole Daniel experience, you know. It takes them longer to trust. It was only a matter of time until they saw the real wonderful you.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

“I can’t even recall the last time I kissed you.” Victor held her in his arms, enjoying the warmth of her body close to his. “I have barely seen you these days.”

“No time like the present.” Andrea smiled, and Victor glanced at the door. “Nobody will come, trust me.”

Well, Victor wasn’t known for wasting time. His lips touched Andrea’s softly, and soon he realized how much he had really missed her. And she was just as hungry as he was, judging by the way she fiercely deepened the kiss, one hand grabbing the back of his neck, the other roaming his pectorals, one of the things she knew positively drove him insane.

Victor’s rational side knew that he should make it stop, they should keep cooking, time was of the essence, someone could come in at any moment. But Victor had a beast inside him that was begging to be fed, and was ignoring any plea his logic was making. Before he could be any wiser, he had already sat her on the counter, and was rubbing himself between her legs, lost in her scent, her breasts, her curls. He would have had her right there and then, surrounded by cabbages and carrots and potatoes, if not for the sound of a door opening and closing, making them jump out of each other’s arms.

“Look who’s feeling so much better!” They heard Cristina as she entered the kitchen, a smiling Ana in her arms. “Oh. Did I interrupt something?”

“My beautiful baby!” Andrea ran to Ana, taking her in her arms. “Are you feeling better, honey?”

Victor stayed behind the counter, busying himself with the vegetables, hoping his erection would go away fast.

Cristina took Ana inside for a nap, and in the meantime, Mariana returned to help. Soon all four were busy with their tasks, and Victor was assigned to dessert duty.

“Do you want me to make something in particular?” He asked, while in the pantry, figuring out what ingredients he would need. “Is fermento baking soda?”

“Do whatever you like. As long as we get to eat it, we don’t mind.” Andrea’s mother chimed in. “And yes, it’s baking soda.”

Soon enough, Mariana was ringing the bell, calling the rest of the people for the meal. Victor went to the wood oven in the mill to take out the dessert he had made.

Andrea was absolutely right. The wood oven gave the food a wonderful taste, and it made the whole difference. His dessert would be delectable too, if it absorbed some of the aroma.

After the cozido, Mariana went to get the plated puddings from the kitchen. Everybody started eating, Dona Bia making a pleased remark.

“É bom!” She hummed, and Victor understood she liked it. “Quem fez?”

“O Victor.” Andrea answered with a smug smile. Bia’s eyes opened wide.

“Muito bom!” She smiled, giving him a thumbs-up, seemingly impressed. “Tens jeito, rapaz!”

“She says you’re a good cook.” Joshua, who was sitting next to Victor, translated it.

“Quem quer bica?” Dona Bia asked, and everybody showed their hands.

“What did she ask?” Victor asked Joshua, not understanding her question.

“It’s slang for coffee.” Joshua explained. “But since you are a man, you don’t say bica , you say bico . Tell my grandmother Quero um bico, por favor.”

Victor turned to the old lady, happy for being able to say a whole sentence in Portuguese.

“Quero um bico, por favor.” He did his best to pronounce it correctly.

Suddenly, there was a deadly silence at the table, every single person staring at Victor with eyes wide. Victor felt his face burn with embarrassment. Did he say something wrong? What did he say? Andrea’s grandmother gave a hearty laugh.

“Ó filho, já estou muito velha para essas coisas.” Everybody started cackling, and Victor was more confused and embarrassed by the second. “Dou-te uma bica, pode ser? Um bico não.”

“What are you laughing about?” Victor snapped at Andrea, the heat spreading from his face to his blood, making it boil. “What did I say? What did she say to me?”

“You asked her for a blowjob.” Andrea doubled over laughing and could barely breathe, let alone talk. “She told you she was too old for that stuff, but she would get you a coffee instead.”

There was this expression that Andrea used to express her mortification, she would say she would like to dig a hole and stay there. Victor used to tease her about it, he found the expression very amusing, to dig a hole and hide. Until this precise moment. Victor was in dire need of a hole. Victor also wanted to burn a hole into Joshua’s head.

“Mark my words.” Victor warned, which made Joshua laugh even harder. “You will pay for this.”

“As long as it’s not in bicos!” Joshua stifled a laugh and slapped Victor in the back. “Come on, it’s just some brotherly hazing.”

“Right.” He looked from Andrea's brother to the coffee now in front of him, wondering if he even wanted to drink it in the first place. Now every time he had coffee he would remember this very embarrassing moment.

As Victor took a moment to breathe and calm himself down, he was struck by some amazing realizations. The first was, despite being incredibly embarrassing, Joshua’s hazing meant acceptance. It was the kind of thing Andrea and her brother would do, playing pranks at each other. That could only mean that he was truly being accepted into the family, like one of them, not the foreign CEO everyone should be careful with and tiptoe around.

Second, he had completely forgotten about LFG during those days. He used to define himself by his achievements, taking an immeasurable pride in his work, always putting it first. For the first time in a long time, Victor allowed himself to let go of the cover of financial mogul and relentless conqueror, and be just himself. He no longer felt the need to prove anything to anyone, he no longer felt the need to measure his success. He could be just Victor.

Third, he used to hate the unexpected. Victor enjoyed adventure from time to time, but always in a controlled manner, every step of the way completely transparent and expectable. He had been called a control freak innumerous times due to his need to plan and prepare for any setbacks. And yet he had come to a foreign country, knowing close to nothing about its language, sleeping in the house of a stranger, doing things he had never done in his life, and he couldn’t be happier about it. He felt comfortable, at home, relaxed. That’s when it dawned on him. He felt safe because home had been with him all along. Andrea was his home. His solace. As long as she was close to him, laughing and shining that bright light of hers, he was home.

Victor watched her as she bantered with her family, glowing as usual, the world around her always better than what it was before. He took out the spreadsheet he had done a few weeks ago from his mental drawer and inserted his new conclusions. And what was a certainty at first, now felt like a calling: they belonged together, and only a lifetime with her would be acceptable. She was the most precious thing in his life, and he would do whatever it would take to make her happy and safe.

#Growing Pains - Series #growingstronger #mlqc fanfic #victor x oc #victor mlqc #mlqc li zeyan #mister love queens choice #love and producer

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emms-jules · 4 years

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Catch Fire

Hello guys! It's my first time writing for TSC universe, and I made this to cope with finishing TDA since I still can't get over it and want to explore it more. Most of the plot was still applied, but some are removed for the story. Anyways, I hope you all like it! Any suggestion is a great help! :)

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24269344

If Emma was asked that question five years ago, she would have easily said numerous reasons.

"I want to be with Julian. I want to officially be his. I want to spend my travel year with him. I want to answer his calls. I want to reply to his messages. I want to say I’m sorry. I want to take care of the kids with him. I want us to damn our lives as long as we got to live it."

But this was a different time now. She may still want the same things, but the person she wants to be with might not want it anymore.

Prologue

2012

Emma was walking in the desert beside the Institute under the blaze of the sun. She sees herself in a white flowy dress, as it brushes her legs in each step. She also realized that she was walking barefoot. What am I doing here? She thought. Where is everyone? Julian?

Suddenly, a small light much brighter than the sun appeared, and began getting larger. Emma found herself squinting and raising her hands above her eyes. Just as the light covered the sun, it disappeared.

“Emma Carstairs.” A voice said, sending a shiver up her spine. It sounded terrifying and melodic at the same time. She slowly removed her hands from her face and opened her eyes, which widened upon realizing who, or what, bestowed upon her.

As a Shadowhunter, she has already seen numerous depictions of such creatures. After all, one of them created her race. They were found in every part of the Institute, the Silent City, and even in Idris, their country. However, there has been no reporting of appearances from them for a long time, except from Clary and Simon.

“Angel Raziel?” She asked in astonishment. The angel fit Clary’s description. The angel took the form of a man, but it bears beautiful wings and radiates the bright light that shone earlier. The angel looks like a statue made of gold. It looks beautiful, but his presence made Emma’s heart pound.

The angel shook his head. “I am Gabriel. The angel who explained to Daniel his visions.”

“The messenger.” Emma replied, remembering her studies. Gabriel did not respond, however, which made Emma uncertain if she was heard.

“I have a message from my brother, Raziel. Julian Blackthorn and yourself have survived the curse of the parabatai. You have also won the battle against your fellow Nephilim. You have been given a second chance at life. But make no mistake, for the next time you and your parabatai do this, it will lead to your death, or both of yours.”

Emma gasped.

“One cannot cheat death, but you did, among others. The angel bears no ill will for the two of you. However, what is set in stone cannot be changed. May you make the right decisions.”

“But how do we-” But the angel already left, leaving Emma alone in the desert. She feels a sudden burn on her left arm. She flips her arm over and sees her parabatai rune burning, and fade from existence.

“Emma? Emma, wake up.”

She opens her eyes, and slowly bring herself to focus. She realizes she’s at the Basilias in Idris, inside a room with a single bed. Sitting on the chair next to her bed is Jem Carstairs, her only relative left.

Jem has a relieved smile on his face. He puts a hand gently on Emma’s hair, soothing the girl. “Thank the angel you’re awake.”

Upon hearing the word, she remembers her dream and feels herself about to cry. She looks at Jem and asks, “Julian?”

“He’s in the room next to yours, and has been awake for a day now. You, on the other hand, has been asleep for three days now. He’s been waiting for you to wake up. I shall go to him now.” Jem was about to stand, but Emma grabs his arm. “Don’t.”

Jem, though puzzled, sits down. “Do you now want to see him?”

I do, God I do, she thought. However, the dream was crushing her more.

“Can you please get Cristina for me? And don’t tell anyone else that I am awake.” She replies instead. Jem still looks confused, but stands and leaves the room, closing the door gently behind him.

Emma lifts her arm up to see their shared rune, and like in the dream, her arm is bare. She gasped. The rune is gone. For so long, we’ve been waiting for this.

Emma wills herself not to cry. She thinks of everyone she loves. She thinks of Tavvy, who gave her the name “Memma” when he can’t speak her name yet. She thinks of Dru, who will soon need someone to talk to about teenage girl problems and help when she goes on dates. She thinks of Ty, who just recently lost his twin, and needs someone to understand. She thinks of Mark, who is still trying to gain himself everything he had lost. She thinks of Helen and Aline, Clary and Jace, Magnus and Alec, Isabelle and Simon. She even thinks of Kit.

She thinks of Julian, his room just beside hers. She imagines herself calling out to him, and he comes, both of them relieved that the curse is gone. They can finally be with each other truthfully. She had died, but she is now alive, and she can finally live.

Then the angel’s words come rushing back into her mind. But make no mistake, for the next time you and your parabatai do this, it will lead to your death, or both of yours.

She remembers Clary, both of them at the roof of the Los Angeles Institute, telling her of Jace’s proposal. Of how she refused, because of her constant dream of dying. Clary did want to marry Jace, but imagining herself suddenly dying was unfair to him. Fortunately, her vision was not about her, but another Clary of another dimension. Emma feels tears running down her cheeks. If only she and Julian were as blessed as Clary and Jace. For so long, we’ve been waiting for this. And it still isn’t given to us.

She hears the door creak, and Cristina walks in. Her lips were about to form a smile, but stopped short when she realized that Emma was crying. She quickly scrambles to her friend and wipes her tears. “La hermana! Why are you crying of sadness?!”

“Help me, Tina. Please. Help me.”

#tsc #tsc fic #tda #tda fic #jemma blackstairs #emma carstairs #julian blackthorn #shadowhunter chronicles #shadowhunters #the shadowhunter chronicles #the dark artifices #lady midnight #lord of shadows #queen of air and darkness

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iamtrebleclefstories · 3 years

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maybe it’s wrong to say I love you - part two

Part Two: Home

people I’ve loved, I’ve had no regrets... some I remember, some I forget...

So... this monstrosity of a fic was supposed to be a miniseries, but it’s obviously evolved into this giant. Hope you enjoy it and let me know what think and what you hope to see next!

If you haven’t read Part One, you can find it here!

p.s - You might wanna get the tissues out for this one

TW: Mentions of suicide, self-harm, and abuse

Part Two: Home

-Wish I were with you, but I couldn't stay-

-Every direction leads me away-

Leaving Seattle was probably one of the most difficult decisions Jo had ever made. And that was coming from someone who’d lived through some really crappy things in her twenty-eight years of life. When she turned her resignation into Webber, he did everything in his power to get her to stick around. He pointed out that it was kind of ridiculous to just up and leave one of the best residency programs in the country because of a guy. Normally, she’d agree. She’s worked way too damn hard in her life for it to come to this. But Alex wasn’t just a guy. He was her person. He was her family. And sometimes you needed to sacrifice things in order to keep your family safe and happy.

When Webber realized that Jo was not going to change her mind about moving, he offered to put her in contact with an old colleague who was the chief of surgery at a hospital on the east coast. That’s how she ended up on a six and a half hour flight from Seattle to Florida. She started working at the Jacksonville branch of Mayo Clinic about a week later.

It was different. Very different from Seattle. It was hot and humid all the time. Sure the beaches were nice, but Jo didn’t think she’d ever lived somewhere so unbearably hot in her entire life. Something that was nice though was the rain. Because even though Florida was nicknamed the Sunshine State, she felt like it was constantly raining. It reminded her of Seattle. It reminded her of home.

Months passed and Jo felt like she was finally starting to heal, albeit very slowly. But she was healing nonetheless. She could go an entire day without even thinking about Alex Karev and how he was probably living it up with his wife. Sure, those days also just so happened to be days where Jo literally did not have the time to think of him, but she was grateful for the slight reprieve that work had given her over the constant influx of painful memories.

By the time the end of her third year of residency was coming to a close, she thought she’d finally done it. She made it an entire week without crying over Alex and everything that they had lost. She was proud of herself. So proud, that she thought maybe she could try to move on and start dating again.

She was on her first date post-Alex when she saw the news on the bar television. Mass shooting at Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital in Seattle, Washington. Multiple lives lost, many injured, including some of the doctors and staff.

Jo felt absolutely sick to her stomach. She excused herself from her date and rushed back over to her apartment and searched for the little black book where she’d written down the phone numbers of all her friends before throwing out her old phone and getting a new number. She found it and shakily dialed the first number she saw—Meredith’s—and prayed that someone on the other line would answer.

“Hello?” A tired voice croaked.

“Mer?”

“Jo? Is that you?”

Jo let out a sigh of relief, “Oh my God. I saw the news. Are you okay? Is everyone okay?” There was a sob on the other end of the line, making Jo’s heart beat wildly against her chest. “Meredith, what happened?”

“It was horrible,” Meredith cried, her sniffles being heard from Jo’s end of the call. Jo waited patiently for Meredith to calm herself enough to inform her of what happened. “Today was the worst day of my life.”

“Did anyone we know—“

“Yes,” Meredith stated quietly. “Derek was shot in the heart and almost died. Cristina saved him, though. The doctors are optimistic. Owen got shot in the arm. I lost my baby—“

“You were pregnant?” Jo’s eyes began to water.

“Yeah,” Meredith whimpered. “I had a miscarriage today.”

“Mer, I’m so sorry,” Jo felt a couple tears escape her eyes. “What about everyone else?”

“Bailey watched someone die in her arms,” Meredith shared. “His name was Charles. He was a resident. He was new, but not so bad. This other girl named Reed died. So did a couple nurses and security guards. No kids, though. Lexie is okay. Mark is okay. Arizona and Callie are okay.”

“Mer, you haven’t said anything about Alex. Why aren’t you saying anything about Alex?” Jo’s heart hammered inside her rib cage. There was silence coming from Meredith’s side of the call. “Meredith. Please. Tell me he isn’t dead.”

“He isn’t dead,” Meredith stated. “But I’m not completely sure he’s going to live.”

Jo heard the sob before she registered it was hers, “What happened?”

“He was shot in the chest,” Meredith’s voice quivered a bit. “Lexie and Mark found him, but by the time they found him he’d already lost so much blood. They put in a chest tube and tried to do as much as they could in the conference room on the fourth floor. But he hasn’t woken up yet. Someone needs to make some decisions regarding his care. The bullet ripped through his lung. They need to figure out whether they’re gonna take him back into surgery or just hope he makes it through the night.”

“Oh God,” Jo felt the tears stream down her face. She took a couple deep breaths. “Okay. Okay. What’s Izzie going to have them do?”

“Jo, Izzie isn’t the one who’s going to make those decisions,” Meredith said cautiously.

“What do you mean? She’s his wife isn’t she? What is she going to have them do?”

“You don’t know?” Meredith asked.

“Don’t know what?” Jo shook her head. She couldn’t figure out why Meredith sounded so weird.

“Um, nothing… it’s just… we were looking at Alex’s medical forms and you’re Alex’s power of attorney.”

“What?” Jo’s eyes widened. “Why me? Why not Izzie?”

“I guess he trusted that you’d make the right decisions,” Meredith paused. “You don’t have to come. I know it might be too hard for you.”

“No. No, I’ll come,” Jo decided and began to quickly pack an overnight bag. “I’m coming right now.”

Less than ten hours later, Jo was standing outside of Alex’s hospital room standing next to Meredith and Cristina as she spoke to the doctors about Alex’s health. After deciding the best course of treatment, Jo turned to look at her friends, “Where is Izzie?”

The two women exchanged a look. Cristina let out a sigh, “She’s visiting her mom. I don’t know if she knows.”

“Oh,” Jo nodded. “Maybe it’s better if she doesn’t see him like this.”

“Jo, you know that Izzie and Alex got—“Meredith started, quickly being interrupted by Jo.

“No, you know what? I don’t need to know,” Jo shook her head. “The one thing that coming here has taught me is that I’m still in love with him and that means I can’t be here. I can’t hear about his relationship with Izzie. Not today at least. Maybe in a few years when I’m over him and I don’t cry at the thought of him being with someone else, but not today.”

“But Jo, they’re—“ Cristina tried to get a word in.

“No. It’s okay,” Jo stuck her hand out, signaling Cristina to stop talking. “I did what I had to do and I’m going back. Don’t tell him that I was here or that you have my phone number. Please. I love you guys, but I need to leave.”

Her friends nodded and wrapped her in an uncharacteristic hug. Mer whispered in her ear, “Be safe. We’ll keep in touch.”

“Goodbye.”

————

-Just looking for shelter from the cold and the pain-

-Someone to cover, safe from the rain-

Jo kept in contact with Meredith. The months following the shooting were difficult ones and Jo would often hear her phone ringing as Meredith called or texted her various updates regarding everyone’s lives. Everyone except Alex’s life. Jo was clear that she didn’t want to know what was going on in his life and perfect marriage with Izzie other than the fact that he was doing okay and thinking about specializing in peds apparently.

She was about four or five months into her fourth year of residency when Jo was given an invitation to attend a medical conference in Orlando. Jo called Meredith immediately after and suggested she take a few days off to come attend the conference with her.

“Jo I’d love to. Let me talk to the chief and see if I can get a few days off to visit you,” Meredith replied.

About a week and a half later, Jo was picking Meredith up at the Orlando International Airport, “Mer!”

“Jo!” The women embraced and Jo helped Meredith stuff her bags into the trunk of the car as they drove over to the hotel where the conference was being held.

“How are you? How is everyone?” Jo asked.

“We’re getting there. Things still aren’t as good as they could be,” Meredith shrugged. “Cristina got married.”

“She what?” Jo’s eyes widened. “To Hunt?”

“Yup,” Meredith nodded. “She isn’t doing surgery right now either. I tried to convince her to come with me, but she wouldn’t listen.”

Jo sighed, “I wish I could see her and literally slap some sense into her.”

“You might be the only person who’d be successful at getting her to feel something,” Meredith chuckled. “It’s not the same without you there, Jo. Everything is so… boring and dull.”

“Boring and dull might just be the last thing you call Seattle Grace,” Jo wrinkled her face in amusement. “Especially since Mark Sloan got Callie pregnant. Poor Lexie.”

“I know,” Meredith shook her head. She stood quiet for a moment before speaking. “Don’t you ever miss it? Home?”

“Every day,” Jo answered. “Sure, I have some acquaintances, but it isn’t the same.”

“So why don’t you come back?”

“You know why,” Jo gave Meredith a pointed look.

“But the reasons--”

“Mer, stop. I told you I don’t want to know about him and Izzie,” Jo shook her head.

“If you’d just let me talk you’d find out that things aren’t as perfect as you think they are,” Meredith crossed her arms.

“It doesn’t matter,” Jo took a deep breath. “No one, in the history of my life has ever loved me and hurt me more than Alex. And if I want to keep loving him and not hating him for making me love him, then I can't know about his personal life. I can’t.”

“Okay. We won’t talk about Alex anymore,” Meredith sighed. What she’d been trying to tell Jo was that Alex and Izzie had gotten divorced over a year ago and in an effort to cover the pain of losing the two women he loved, he’d reverted back to his days as a diseased man-whore. But Jo wasn’t having it.

The first two days of the conference were fun and informative. Jo and Meredith used the time they weren’t in sessions to get some much needed rest. The third day of the conference Jo and Meredith were getting ready to walk in when Jo saw him. She knew immediately who it was as soon as she saw the back of his head. She’d never forget that man as long as she lived.

Meredith must’ve realized how Jo went pale and started to tremble because she placed her hand lightly on Jo’s arm in concern, “Jo. Are you feeling okay? What’s wrong?”

“I⎯I have to get out of here,” Jo grasped Meredith’s arm tightly. “Mer, I need you to get me out of here right now.”

“Okay,” Meredith pulled Jo out of the hotel conference room and into the lobby where Jo finally let out a cry, startling Meredith. “Jo, what’s going on? I need you to talk to me.”

Jo had begun hyperventilating at some point and was struggling to catch her breath as she saw his name on the speaker schedule for the day on the poster outside of conference room doors. She didn’t know how she hadn’t noticed it before. She didn’t know how she could’ve missed it. Why was he here? Had he found her? Did he know she was in Florida?

“Jo!”

“Huh?” Jo turned to Meredith with scared eyes.

“Jo, you look like you’ve seen a ghost. You begged me to get you out of that room. What happened?”

“I⎯I’m married.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m married to a man who almost beat me to death. I ran away from him eight years ago and never divorced him because I was afraid he’d come find me and kill me,” Jo shared, body shaking in fear.

“Does Alex know?” Meredith asked, brows furrowed.

“He’s the only person I’ve ever told,” Jo nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks. “He knows everything. About Paul, the abortion, how I ran away and changed my name. Jo Wilson isn't even my real name.”

Meredith wrapped Jo in a tight hug, “You’re okay. I’m here and I’m not leaving you alone. Not for one second.”

They found out that Paul lived in Florida, Orlando, specifically and had been working at Orlando Medical Group for the past five years. He was a speaker at the conference and would be giving a presentation on minimally invasive surgery techniques. They’d been in their hotel room for a few minutes when Jo finally spoke again.

“Meredith, what if he sees me? What if he comes to hurt me?” Fear etched on Jo’s face. “He’s here. He’s here and I don’t even have Al—I don’t have anyone.”

“Do you want me to call him?”

“No.”

“Jo, let me call him. Please,” Meredith squeezed one of Jo’s hands. “He’s going to want to be here with you. He misses you. He still loves you.”

“Meredith, stop,” Jo looked up at the ceiling. “If Alex were here he’d just do something stupid and get himself killed or wind up in jail or the hospital and I refuse to put him through that.”

“Okay,” Meredith sighed. “But you are not alone. You have me and we’re going to find a great lawyer who’s going to get you a restraining order and a divorce, because no one should be tied to a man like that. And I will stay here as long as I need to, to make that happen.”

——————

-The echoes and silence, patience and grace-

-All of these moments I'll never replace-

Realistically, Meredith couldn’t stay with Jo the entire time it would take her to process her divorce. The next few months after submitting the request for the dissolution of marriage were full of Jo looking over her shoulder practically every minute of every day.

It was on a Tuesday in February when it happened. She’s just got out of a surgery with Dr. Baker, their chief of surgery when she heard the most chilling sound.

“Hi Brooke. Or should I say Jo? It is Jo now, isn’t it?”

Jo turned around slowly to face him, eyes flitting over to Dr. Baker who seemed to be watching with concern, “Paul. What are you doing here?”

“Oh, you know, just checking up on my wife,” Paul sneered. “A wife I had not seen in eight years, so imagine my surprise when my lawyer presented me with divorce papers that my wife had filed not long before and that a court date has been set a month from today.”

“You shouldn’t be here,” Jo glared at him. “I have a restraining order. It’s all supposed to go through the courts. We aren’t supposed to have any contact with each other.”

“I know,” Paul flashed her a disarming smile. “I just couldn’t resist coming to pay you a visit. Especially when I found out that you were living in the same state.”

“You need to leave before I call security,” Jo stood her ground. “You are not supposed to be anywhere near me, so you need to leave and go home.”

“No… you know, I don’t think I will,” Paul answered, his menacing grin sending her heart beating wildly. “I think I’ll stick around and—“

“Is there a problem here?” Dr. Baker stood behind Paul, arms crossed as he took in the man’s tall frame.

“No sir there’s no—“

“Yes,” Jo looked at Dr. Baker and nodded. “Yes there is a problem. This man is my husband whom I am in the process of divorcing. I have a restraining order on him and he is not allowed to be within a thousand feet of me.”

“Sir, I am going to need you to leave the premises immediately,” Dr. Baker pointed towards the exit. “Remove yourself or you shall be removed. And if I hear or see that you are anywhere on or near hospital grounds, I will not hesitate to call security.”

“Fine. I’ll leave,” Paul sent Jo an angry scowl. “But just so you know, you better watch your back. I have no plans on making this easy for you. I’ll see you in court.”

Jo watched as Paul walked out of the hospital and waited until he was out of sight before crumbling onto the floor. Dr. Baker kneeled down beside her and put a comforting hand on her shoulder, “Is there anyone you like me to call for you? I know you used to work with Dr. Webber in Seattle. Would you like me to call him?”

“No,” Jo shook her head. “No it’s okay. I’ll be okay. I can take care of myself.”

“Wilson,” Dr. Baker’s stern voice warned. “You should not be doing this alone. And you definitely should not be staying in your apartment alone. If you aren’t going to call anyone to come be with you, then you should let us help you. Why don’t you stay with my wife and I for a few days until we know he’s gone?”

“I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“You won’t be,” Dr. Baker shook his head. The older gentleman was not taking no for an answer. “Stay with Lisa and I. Just for a few days. Until Friday.”

Jo sighed, “Okay, fine. Thank you.”

“Of course,” Dr. Baker squeezed her shoulder lightly. “I’ll have my assistant give you my address so you can head over there as soon as your shift is over today.”

Jo thanked him again and watched as her chief walked away, leaving her in the hallway alone. Jo searched around for the nearest on-call room and reached into her pocket for her phone, dialing a number as soon as she walked inside.

“Hello?”

“Mer?”

“Jo? Hi. What’s going on?” Meredith answered, the sound of the hospital buzzing in the background.

“He came, Meredith. My husband? He came and found me. He was here. He came to the hospital,” Jo felt her body shake as she recounted the day’s events.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” Meredith asked frantically.

“No he didn’t hurt me. But he threatened me. I think,” Jo shrugged.

“What do you mean you think he threatened you? Jo, he’s not even supposed to be within a thousand feet of you. We made sure of that.”

“He told me to watch my back. He said he wasn’t going to make this easy for me,” Jo sniffled and wiped a couple straying tears.

“Jo, I think it’s time to tell Alex.”

“No. No, Mer we can’t tell him. He doesn't deserve to get caught up in my mess. It’s my mess. I’ll deal with it.”

“Don’t be stupid. Don’t play the martyr.”

“This isn’t about me playing a martyr Mer,” Jo huffed.

“Then what is it? Because I’m not understanding.”

“He didn’t choose me!” Jo exclaimed. “That day he told me that he was going to marry Izzie, I told him that I’d do it. I’d divorce Paul. If he wanted to be committed, if he wanted to be married, that I’d get a divorce. Even though I was terrified of this exact thing happening, I was willing to do it for him. I was willing to put it all on the line to just be with him and he still chose her. He chose Izzie. And I can’t get over that Mer. I can’t get over the fact that the one person that I love more than anything in this world, saw that I was willing to give it all up for him, and still didn’t choose me.”

“Derek chose Addison, and now look. Addison is in LA and Derek and I are married.”

“That’s not the same and you know it,” Jo sighed, a few tears escaping her eyes. “Derek was married before you two met and fell in love. Addison cheated on him with his best friend. He chose her out of commitment and loyalty to his marriage. Alex didn’t do that. Alex chose Izzie because he wanted to, knowing that he had the option of marrying me. After promising me over and over again for the better part of a year that he’d wait for me and telling me that he loved me and only wanted to be with me. It’s different.”

“Is it though?” Meredith asked. “Because at the end of the day, both of them chose women they didn’t truly love. And both of them suffered because of it.” There was silence on the other line for a moment before Meredith spoke up again, “Look, at the end of the day it’s your decision. But I think you should know that he still talks about you. At the most random moments, too. They’ll serve hotdogs in the cafeteria and he’ll comment how you hated the hotdogs they’d serve. Or we’ll be passing by a patient and their family and he’ll mention how you used to have the same scarf as the woman in the group. Or when he’s talking to a kid and they tell him that their favorite color is blue, he’ll say ‘that’s my best friend’s favorite color too.’ Not a day goes by where he doesn’t think of you, Jo. Just think about it.”

“We’ll see,” Jo let out a breath. “I need to get back to work. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Alright. Please be safe, Jo. Goodbye.”

After hanging up the phone, Jo buried herself in her work until it was time to leave. She drove over to Chief Baker’s house and was welcomed in with open arms and a hot meal on the stove. The few days she stood there were nice. Dr. and Mrs. Baker had been married for thirty-seven years and had two children and five grandchildren. Mrs. Baker—who insisted on being called Lisa—was actually a nurse practitioner that had tons of experience working with ICU and CCU patients.

For the first time in a long time, Jo felt like she had people. The Baker residence was warm and welcoming and nothing like the many homes she grew up in as a child. The Bakers cared. Maybe that’s why she found herself opening up to them about her past and why she was hiding from Paul in the first place. Along with their help and some digging done by their daughter who was a private detective, Jo was able to find enough information on Paul to give her lawyer to put together a strong case that would ensure that Jo was granted all of the conditions of the divorce she sought after, mainly that Paul would not be able come near her and hurt her after the trial was over.

On the day of the trial, Jo was absolutely terrified. She was about to confront her abuser in court and did not know how to handle the nerves coursing through her. She wanted to vomit. She wanted to cry and run away and never look back. She wanted to change her name again so that Paul would never be able to find her.

But that was the easy way out. She’s done enough running in her life to know that fleeing never truly solved anything either. It only made things painful. Still, Jo couldn’t shake the nerves she was feeling coursing through her. For the first time since this process began, she cursed her stubbornness for making her feel like she had to go through this alone.

Out of the corner of her eye, Jo spotted something that caught her attention. It was an old pay phone, much like ones that she hadn’t seen in nearly a decade. Jo walked up to it and searched around her purse for some coins to get the phone to start. As soon as it did, she found herself punching in the phone number she knew so well and waited as it dialed.

“Hello?”

Jo let out the tiniest sob, “Alex.”

“Jo? Jo! Oh my God, is that you? Are you okay? Are you crying? What’s wrong?”

Jo’s sobs grew louder and stronger as she heard his worried voice on the other line.

“Jo, what’s wrong? Are you hurt? Where are you? Do you need me to come get you?”

Jo placed a hand over her mouth and attempted to quiet her cries, “No, I’m okay. I just… I really needed to hear your voice... I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” Alex breathed out. Even though she couldn’t see him, Jo could picture Alex’s face scrunched in sadness and worry. “Please come home.”

“I can’t,” Jo shook her head. “I, um, I’m doing something today. Something that I probably should’ve done a long time ago. I almost chickened out, too. But, I know I need to be brave. And I need to be strong. Anyway, I just wanted to hear your voice one last time before I go through it. You make me brave.”

“Go through with what? Jo, don’t do anything stupid. Please. I know I hurt you and I probably don’t deserve your forgiveness, but please, I need you safe. Wherever you are. So, if you’re gonna⎯”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you wanted me to be,” Jo felt a few tears run down her face. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you needed back then.”

“All I needed was you. That’s still all I need.”

“I wish that were true,” Jo whispered and wiped her face. “You probably won’t hear from me after this. I wish things were different, but they’re not.” She paused. “I love you. Goodbye.”

Jo hung up the phone quickly and took a deep breath, running her sweaty palms along the skirt of her dress in hopes of calming some of her nerves. She knew now what she had to do. She had to step into that courthouse and break things off with Paul once and for all.

Back in Seattle, Alex was pacing frantically in the resident’s lounge, trying to call her back only to find out that the number she’d called from was a payphone.

“Dammit!” Alex yelled and punched a wall. It had been almost two years since he’d spoken to Jo. Two years of wondering and worrying if he’d ever see her again, only to hear her voice on the other line of a pay phone for about thirty seconds. Alex sunk down onto the floor in the corner of the lounge and ran his hands over his face, trying to conceal the tears that were slowly falling down his cheeks. “Dammit. Dammit.”

“Alex?”

The voice startled him, causing him to look up at the source. Cristina was hovering over him with a concerned expression on her face. “What the hell is going on?”

Alex shook his head and wiped angrily at the tears, “Jo called me.”

“Jo? Jo called you?” Cristina raised her eyebrows. “Is she okay?”

“She was crying,” Alex trembled slightly at the thought of the conversation he’d just had. “She said that she was doing something today, but she wasn’t sure if she should go through with it and she wanted to hear my voice one last time before she made her decision. She told me she loved me and that I probably won’t hear from her again, then she hung up. I tried to call her back but she called me from a freaking pay phone, Yang. Who the hell uses a pay phone these days?”

Cristina stood silent and sat down beside Alex, waiting for him to say what he needed to say. After a minute, he spoke again, “I just keep getting these horrifying scenarios in my head. She said she wanted to hear my voice one last time… and all I can think is, what if she’s going to hurt herself? What if she's going to hurt herself right now and I’m not there to stop her? She’s done it before. She told me she almost ended it all, once when she was back in college. When she was with… but she chickened out and didn’t do it. I swear to God, Cristina, if she dies… I don’t know what I’d do.”

“She’s not going to die,” Cristina shook her head. “She can’t die. I’ve lost too many friends. She isn’t allowed to die.”

“This is all my fault.”

“No it’s not,” Cristina squeezed his knee. “You aren’t responsible for the decisions other people make.”

“This time it is though,” Alex bit his lip as he looked out into the empty lounge. “I’m such an idiot. I love her. I still love her… I always screw myself out of everything good.”

“You’ll find each other one day. You’ll see her again and be together and be happy. I have to believe that,” Cristina sighed. “Now get up off the floor and wipe your face. You’ll scare the kids.”

————

-Pray for tomorrow, but for today-

-All I want-

-Is to be home-

After Jo’s divorce was finalized and the legal protections were put in place, she considered returning to Seattle. For the first time in almost a decade, she was finally free to do as she pleased. To live her life without the fear that Paul still had the upper hand. Because he didn’t have the power anymore. She’d made sure of that. In her quest to gain her divorce, Jo found out about other women who’d been abused by him in the years since she’d left New Jersey. All of their testimonies led to victory in the civil case against Paul and the beginnings of a criminal trial thanks to the charges being pressed by Paul’s current girlfriend, Jenny. The criminal trial was the main reason Jo decided to stay in Florida. She wanted to be there to testify and see the look on Paul’s face when he finally got what he deserved.

Still, sometimes Jo would look out the window of the hospital she worked at, see the rain, the cars, the bustling, and remember the friends she’d left behind. The family she’d grown to love and care for. But the longer she remembered that, the sadder she got. It hurt too bad to think of all the what ifs. It hurt to picture her people moving on without her.

So, Jo did what she did best. She worked. She worked hard to make sure that she was focused and the best in her class. Jo got the best surgeries, she had every attending surgeon’s attention, she was a rock-star and was even in the process of raising up her own set of baby interns.

Being away was hard, though. Jo found herself walking up to the nursery and NICU to look at the babies like she and her friends had done so many times their intern year. There was something precious about that period in life. Something so fresh and hopeful and exciting. Maybe that’s why she gravitated towards maternal-fetal and pediatric surgery. It helped that the hospital she was working at was nationally ranked in obstetrics and gynecology. She found herself spending more time on the L&D and peds floors of the hospital, assisting complicated and rare surgeries. By the time she was in her fifth year of residency, she’d decided that maternal-fetal surgery was the way to go. She found so much joy in safeguarding the future of the tiny little lives that would soon be brought into the world.

Her purpose in life wasn’t the only thing that she found on the L&D and peds floors of the hospital. It was also where she met Jason. Jason Myers was an OB resident she found herself spending an increasing amount of time with. He was hot and charming and funny and he was the first guy Jo truly dated after leaving Seattle. It was casual and fun, something that Jo hadn’t experienced in a long time.

They’d been together for about four months when Jo noticed a couple red flags. It started when she began traveling for her fellowship interviews in the last few months of her residency. Jason began to get demanding and possessive. He grabbed her roughly on a couple occasions and had stumbled into their apartment completely wasted and smelling of another woman’s perfume.

“I think I’m going to have to break up with my boyfriend,” Jo sighed as spoke into the phone to Meredith.

“You’re finally going to break up with that asshole? Thank God,” Meredith replied. “Jo, you could do so much better.”

“I know. You were right,” Jo rolled her eyes as she pictured Meredith’s smug face. Before she’d even started dating Jason, Meredith told her that it was a bad idea, despite having never met him. “It was just so easy in the beginning. Sure it’s been fun, but I knew it would never be more than just this. But for the past month, he’s just been so mean and nasty. A complete douchebag. I don’t have time for this. I’m leaving for Michigan in a few weeks, for crying out loud.”

“You know, Dr. Herman still hasn’t filled her Maternal-Fetal Surgery Fellowship position yet. You should reach out to her and see if she’ll take you into consideration,” Meredith suggested.

“Mer, the Maternal-Fetal Pediatric Surgery Fellowship at UMich is a fantastic program,” Jo said as she continued to walk down the halls of the hospital. “Besides, I don’t think I’d be able to face Alex after all these years.”

“Jo, you wouldn’t have to,” Meredith paused. “Alex got into Hopkins’ Pediatric Surgery program.”

“He what?”

“Yup,” Jo could almost hear the smile in Meredith’s tone as she filled her in. “He’s going to Baltimore to be a peds fellow.”

“That’s amazing,” Jo breathed out. Truly, she was so proud of how far he’d come in his career. “I knew from the moment you talked about the Africa project that brought you Zola that he’d be going into peds. But Hopkins? God, I wish I could tell him how proud I am.”

“I’d say you could always call him, but that suggestion would fall of deaf ears,” Meredith chuckled lightly. “Anyway, he’s leaving so there's nothing stopping you from coming to Seattle. Come home, Jo. I’m sure UMich is great, but Herman is the best of the best. Plus, we’re here. Me, Cristina, Lexie, Bailey, your new niece. We’re all here in Seattle. Come be with us.”

“You know what, I think I will apply,” Jo said after a moment. “I’m tired of running.

“I’ll email you Herman’s contact information,” Meredith exclaimed excitedly. “Good luck with your break up.”

“Haha, thanks.”

—————

-People I've loved, I have no regrets- -Some I remember, some I forget- -Some of them living, some of them dead-

The plane crash was the true turning point for Jo. That call wrecked her in ways she didn’t know she could be wrecked. She wanted to go over there as soon as possible, but Jo still had two weeks left of her residency to complete before she made her final decision about which fellowship position she would choose. However, as soon as she was relieved from her duties at Mayo in Jacksonville, she found herself engaged in a very nasty break up with Jason and lugged all of her belongings across the country. Four days and some three thousand miles later, Jo found herself on the doorstep of the frat house face to face with a tired looking Meredith. Jo immediately wrapped her arms around her friend as she cried for the sister she’d lost. Jo rubbed comforting circles on Meredith’s back before she looked up and locked eyes with Alex. He froze and if it weren’t for the small child he was holding in his arms, Jo was sure he might’ve passed out with the way his eyes widened in disbelief.

Jo ushered Meredith back into the house and motioned Alex to the door, where he went to grab her bags and pull them inside. Meredith grasped at Jo’s arms as they sat side by side on the couch, “Lexie is dead. Mark is dying. Arizona is dying. Cristina won’t speak. Derek’s arm is ruined. And I… I don’t know what to do.”

“It’s okay, Mer. I’m here. I’m here,” Jo smoothed down Meredith’s hair soothingly as she attempted to keep her own tears at bay. “You don’t have to worry about that right now. You don’t have to be in control. You don’t have to care of everyone. Just rest. You need to rest.”

A couple hours later, Jo was sitting on the couch with Meredith’s head on her lap, finally sound asleep. Jo had been staring out the window, lost in thought when she heard a couple footsteps come down the stairs. She looked up and saw Alex staring at her with a strange expression on his face.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” Jo breathed out in response.

“I just put Zola to sleep,” Alex pointed up to the second floor. He stared at her in silence for a minute more before speaking. “You’re here.”

“Yeah,” Jo gave him an almost imperceptible nod. “I’m here… what are you doing here? I thought you were going to Hopkins.”

“I told them I needed to hold off for a month because of Robbins. How do you know…?”

Jo motioned to the friend that was currently asleep on her lap, “We’ve kept in touch.”

“You what? You guys talk to each other?” Alex asked, his brow furrowing.

“Yeah. About once a week,” Jo whispered nonchalantly.

“You two talk to each other. Once a week?” Alex scoffed. “And you didn’t think to, I don't know… maybe call me? Meredith didn’t think to tell me that she was in contact with you?”

“I asked her not to say anything,” Jo eye’s moved away from his face to look at Meredith’s sleeping form.

“I was worried about you. I thought you were dead,” Alex glared at her.

“Wait, what?” Jo’s face wrinkled in confusion. “Why would you think that?”

“Because of that phone call a year and a half ago!” Alex whisper-yelled. “You called me from a freaking payphone, sobbing and said that you needed to hear my voice one last time before you went through with ‘it.’ I had no idea what the ‘it’ was. You have to know what that must’ve sounded like from my end. I’ve been playing that conversation over and over again in my head for the better part of a year and a half, wondering if you killed yourself.”

“No, Alex I would never… I mean, I know I tried it once, but I value my life now. I would never do something to intentionally harm myself.”

“Then what the hell were you doing calling me and scaring me half to death like that?” Alex crossed his arms and looked at her seriously.

“I…” Jo took a deep breath. “I got divorced from Paul that day.”

“You’re free?” Alex’s face softened slightly.

“I’m free,” Jo confirmed, eyes watering. “I got legal protections that day as well and I made the decision to testify in Paul’s criminal trial that would determine whether he was guilty of the charges his then-girlfriend, Jenny accused him of. I wasn’t the only girl he abused, but I got to make sure that he never gets the chance to do it again. He’s currently serving five years in prison for domestic violence, abuse, and a couple of other charges.” Jo paused. “I called you because I almost didn’t walk into that courtroom. I couldn’t bear the thought of being in the same room as him, even with everyone else around. But you always did have a way of making me feel like I could do anything.”

The pair got quiet. They stood in the tense silence before Alex asked the question he’d been wondering since she walked in through those doors, “How long are you here for?”

“I’m here to stay,” Jo shared. “I’m Dr. Herman’s newest maternal-fetal surgical fellow. I came as soon as I could when I heard about the crash.”

“Maternal-fetal? What happened to ortho?”

“What happened to plastics?” Jo's mouth twitched up into a small smile. “So, peds, huh?”

“Turns out I’m great with those little suckers,” Alex chuckled lightly.

“Me too,” Jo smiled shyly. “I’m especially good when they’re in-utero though.”

“Guess I’m the out guy,” Alex shrugged, a comfortable smile on his face.

“Yeah,” Jo bit her lip lightly. “Where’s Izzie?”

“You don’t know?”

“Don’t know what?” Jo tilted her head in question. “Oh God, don’t tell me she died or that her cancer is back.”

“No,” Alex breathed out a laugh. “Well, honestly, I don’t know. We got divorced. I haven’t spoken to her since then.”

“You what?” Jo’s jaw dropped. “What⎯when did this happen?”

“About four months after you left.”

“I need to go,” Jo gently moved Meredith’s head from her lap and slipped on her shoes, making her way towards the door.

“Where are you going? You just got here?” Alex moved close. “You can’t leave, not with Mer like this.”

“Relax, I’ll be back before she wakes up. I just… I need to get out of here. I need to get away from you,” Jo walked out the door into the warm June night.

She considered finding a hotel or going to the bar, but Jo was too exhausted from her four day trek to Seattle to go anywhere. She unlocked her car and jumped into the back seat, situating the seats so she could sleep there for the night and avoid the many, many problems until morning.

In the days and weeks following, Jo became an invaluable asset to Meredith as she navigated the many hardships that came with the plane crash. She moved into her tiny apartment and Jo began her fellowship and started working at Seattle Grace Mercy West once again, to everyone’s pleasure. For the first time in forever, Jo was surrounded by people that she knew and loved, but she still couldn’t shake the feeling that she was utterly alone. Maybe it had to do with the fact that ever since that night she arrived, she hadn’t talked to Alex. Apparently he must’ve noticed, because one day he got fed up.

“Jo, come on. Please talk to me,” Alex grabbed her arm and pulled her into an empty on call room. “You’ve been back for over a month. You’ve talked to our friends. You’ve been getting to know Avery. You got friendly with Kepner before she got fired. You helped Cristina pack her things to go to Minnesota. You can’t ignore me forever. You’re a fetal surgeon. We’ve already had five cases together this month alone. Are you just trying to hold out until I leave for Hopkins? Well guess what, I’m leaving tonight so time’s up. You need to talk to me.”

It was true. In the month since their conversation at the frat house, Jo and Alex had an unusually high number of cases together that required that they spend quite a lot of time together. However, aside from the hours in the OR that she was required to spend with him, Jo found herself purposely avoiding him. The past few days had been especially difficult for her as she found out some unexpected information and was doing her best to avoid him so as not to fall apart in his arms.

“Shut up, Alex. Shut up before I punch you in the face, because I swear to God I am so angry with you right now,” Jo was seething, doing everything in her power to keep from screaming at him.

“What the hell did I do? I haven’t had a chance to get on your nerves,” Alex scrunched his face in confusion.

“You haven’t had a chance?” Jo threw her arms up in the air. “You divorced Izzie?”

“First of all, she divorced me,” Alex held up a finger. “Secondly, why the hell do you care?”

“What do you mean why the hell do I care? How dare you screw this up? I left and practically handed you to her. But you went and divorced her? And now you’re some man whore who doesn’t care where he sticks it?” Jo threw her hands up angrily. “How the hell could you let Izzie go? Why didn’t you chase her and beg her to stay? Why didn’t you swear you’d do better? Why didn’t you fight for her?”

“Because she wasn’t the one I wanted to fight for!” Alex shouted. The room went silent. So quiet that you could probably hear a pin drop. The pair stared at each other tensely, no one daring to move. Alex finally huffed a breath. “I could’ve fought for her. I could’ve made it work. But I didn’t want to.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Yeah I know.”

“No, I’m serious Alex. Do you know how ridiculous you sound right now?” Jo clenched her jaw. “Why did you even marry her?”

“I—I don’t know,” Alex shrugged.

“I don’t know? I don’t know? That’s probably the most moronic thing that I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth. And that’s saying something because you’ve said some pretty stupid things,” Jo turned to face the wall and leaned her head against it. “I told you not to do it. I told you not to marry her. I told you that I was willing to put my own safety at risk to be with you and you chose her. You still chose poor, sick Izzie. You chose her and broke every single one of the promises you made me. Then you got divorced? And you didn’t even bother trying to fight? What the hell was it all for?”

“Don’t act like you’re innocent in all this,” Alex scoffed. “You were the one who left me. With a fucking letter, of all things! You didn’t even have the decency to say it to my face.”

“Because you wrecked me!” Jo yelled. “I gave you everything I had to give. I let you into my life, my bed, my heart. And somewhere along the line you decided that I wasn’t good enough or worth the wait. And stop talking like we were together. We weren’t together when I left! We were never together because you squashed that possibility before we even got the chance!”

“It doesn’t matter because you were my best friend! You were my best friend and you left and didn’t say goodbye. You didn’t leave a phone number, an email, and address. Nothing. You just disappeared. And when you did, it felt like I was a kid all over again. With no one who loved him or cared around,” Alex retorted.

“That’s a load of bullshit,” Jo spat. “You had a wife. You had friends. You had your home. Me leaving didn't completely upend and disrupt your life! I lost my home. I lost my best friend. I lost the only family I had ever known all so that you could have a chance at making your marriage work. Because I knew that if I was around, you’d only feel guilty. So I took myself out of the equation. I did it for you! I loved you enough to lose you, to let you go. Do you have any idea the amount of pain I’ve been in the past three years? Wishing I was here in Seattle, but constantly reminding myself that I left so that you could have a happy life with Izzie and so that I could heal. So imagine what a punch in the gut it feels like to find out that you haven’t even been with Izzie. You’ve been sleeping around with anyone and everyone easy enough to let you get into their pants, while I was in pain, all alone in Florida with nothing and no one but my chief of surgery and my douchebag ex-boyfriend.”

“Well things weren’t exactly sunshine and rainbows here either! But you wouldn’t know because you weren’t here! You’re so wrapped up in how much it all cost you and how much you sacrificed, but I never asked you to do any of it! You decided what was best for the both of us. You decided to leave, when all I wanted was to have you around. Because I have never loved anyone in my life more than I loved you. And that probably sounds pretty screwed up because I married Izzie, but it’s true. Do you know what a slap in the face it was when you left? Do you know that I cried in shower every once in a while because I missed you? And it wasn’t even the sex. It was the friendship. I missed your voice and your laugh and your advice. I missed you. But you decided to pretend like we didn’t matter and didn’t bother to leave me a way to contact you. So, let me make this easier. We don’t matter to each other! Not anymore because I’m done!” Alex bellowed. He took a steadying breath and laughed bitterly. “You know what, it doesn’t matter anyway. I’m leaving tonight anyway and you’ll never have to see my face again. Have a nice life.”

Jo waited until Alex finally turned around and walked out of the on-call room before she crumbled onto the floor in tears. She pressed a hand to her chest and tried her will herself to calm down, but it was too much. None of it was supposed to be happening this way. She wasn’t supposed to come back to Seattle only to find out that Lexie died, Cristina left, and that Mark Sloan was getting unplugged tonight. She wasn’t supposed to see Alex at all. She wasn’t supposed to find out that he was divorced. She wasn’t supposed to watch him leave her. She wasn’t supposed to be making one of the hardest decisions in her life like this. Maybe that’s why she took out her phone and looked for Jason’s phone number and hit the dial button.

After he left the on-call room, Alex was a whirlwind, trying his best to make it to the airport with no more interruptions. What he didn’t bank on was running into Meredith.

“Hey! So that’s it? I’m not even as good as one of your intern girls, huh? You’re not gonna say goodbye to me?” Meredith stood in front of him.

“Mer, what are you doing here?”

“Don’t change the subject,” Meredith narrowed her eyes.

“Don’t make this a thing,” Alex rolled his eyes.

“Don’t make this a thing? Mark is dying right now, and that’s it. You’re just gonna leave too?” Meredith shook her head in disbelief.

“I’m just—I’m gonna be on the other side of the country. We’ll talk—“

“That’s what Cristina said. It’s not the same thing,” Meredith frowned. “Nothing is the same. Everything is different. Everyone is leaving and everyone is dying.”

“Don’t make this my problem,” Alex scowled. “I’m finally getting the hell out of here. I can’t keep standing around being the guy that should’ve been on the plane that crashed. I shouldn’t be here, Mer. I should be dead. Or I should’ve left months ago.”

“Alex!” Meredith grabbed on to his jacket as he tried to walk away.

“Get off,” he pushed her hand away. “Look, I’m not going to stay in Seattle just because you don’t want to be alone.”

“This isn’t about me not wanting to be alone. Because I won’t be alone. Jo’s here now, remember that? Remember the girl you’ve been in love with since our intern year? The one you’ve been pining over ever since she left three years ago? Well, you’re finally in the same city again. Are you really going to let that go?” Meredith stared at Alex intensely.

“Jo doesn’t want me here. I just cause her pain,” Alex replied simply. “It’s time for me to go. I need to get out of Seattle Grace Mercy Death. I need to build a home and Hopkins won’t wait forever. I have a plane to catch, so, bye.”

With that, Meredith scoffed and turned on her heels, walking away.

Alex watched as his friend walked away in anger and frustration. Shaking his head, Alex turned around and started towards his terminal. He was about to board the plane when he realized that he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t leave and upend his life without knowing that it was the right thing to do.

That’s how he found himself sitting at the bar beside Meredith at the terminal lounge.

“What are you doing here?” Meredith asked.

“Hey! Who is that?” Cristina’s voice sounded from Meredith’s iPad. “Point me.”

“I’m sorry about before,” Alex cast Meredith a sideways glance.

“You should be,” Meredith raised an eyebrow and sighed. “I’m sorry, too.”

“I thought he said he was leaving⎯I thought you said you were leaving,” Cristina commented.

“The guy replacing Robbins is gonna mess the place up,” Alex moved his face into the view of the screen. “Besides, I don’t even like Boston.”

“So what are you saying?” Meredith scrunched her face.

“I couldn’t get on my plane, okay? I couldn’t go,” Alex admitted.

“You’re saying you ditched the flight because you chickened out?”

“What a loser,” Meredith’s mouth twitched and she pulled Alex in for a hug.

“You’re staying for Wilson right?” Cristina looked at him expectantly through the video chat.

“I don’t know… maybe?” Alex shrugged. “All I know is that the thought of leaving without trying to at least fix my friendship with her makes me feel sick. I don’t even know why I care, though. She obviously doesn’t. She left me once, who’s to say she won’t do it again?”

“Wow, you are an even bigger idiot than I thought you were,” Cristina shook her head. “Of course she cares. Who do you think made your medical decisions or paid your bills after you got shot?”

“Wait, what?”

“Jo called me after the shooting. When we realized that she was your proxy, she took a plane to Seattle, decided on the best course of treatment, cried, held your hand for a little, and left all before you even had a chance to wake up,” Meredith shared.

“She did?” Alex struggled to comprehend how he’d never known about her trip all those years ago to take care of him.

“Yeah, she did,” Cristina nodded.

“So, did you just ditch tonight’s flight and you’re planning on taking another one another day or are you going to stay for good?” Meredith waited for him to reply.

“I don’t know yet,” he shook his head. “I don’t know what I should do.”

“I think you know what you need to do,” Meredith eyed him carefully. “Alex, you found your family in Seattle and now you have a second chance to fix things with Jo and you’re really going to leave?”

“You know, I’ve been trying to leave Seattle because for the longest it just didn’t feel like home,” Alex took a swig of the beer that the bartender had placed in front of him. “I felt like I didn’t belong. I wanted to go and find a place that felt like home, but I guess I’m realizing that home was never a place. It’s Jo. It was always Jo and now she’s here and I’m not about to be the idiot that runs away from home again.”

“So, you’re really going to try? You’re not gonna screw up and break her heart again? Because you know that Jo could do so much better than you?” Cristina asked pointedly. “I’m asking because I’m protective of my hairball and I won’t hesitate to come beat your ass if you do. Fear of flying be damned.”

Alex let out a soft laugh before growing serious again, “She deserves better. She deserves someone better than me. But I don’t want her with anyone else. So, I guess I’m just gonna have to be better. I have to become the man she deserves, because she’s everything. She’s home.”

-All I want-

-Is to be home-

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jazy3 · 4 years

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Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 16X21

I loved this episode! It finally happened! Hayes asked Meredith out and she said YES!!! I’m so happy right now! We're going to see them go on a date and have drinks next season! It’s all I could have hoped for and more! I can’t wait! This episode was a finale that wasn’t supposed to be a finale. With that in mind I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it was great! I loved this episode! Mainly because it delivered on the one thing I’d been hoping for since the mid season premiere! It didn’t have the usual shock factor that comes at the end of a planned Grey’s finale, but it was exciting and we got movement on pretty much all of the major storylines up to this point. It’s not where the cast and crew were planning to leave things for this season, but with the sudden onset of the COVID-19 virus and the mandatory shutdowns worldwide they were forced to halt production when filming for this episode had wrapped.

So with that in mind this episode leaves things in a pretty good place with some great set up for next season. Originally the shutdowns and the quarantine was supposed to be temporary and so I had hoped that they would be able to come back and film the remaining four episodes for this season as from what I’ve read the scripts have already been written and the plan was already in place. Unfortunately, since none of us know when the quarantine will end they have decided to roll those episodes into next season and rejig what would have been episode 16X22 to make it more exciting so that it can be the season opener for Season 17.

While I’m sad we won’t see the remaining four episodes as planned this hopefully means that there won’t be any filler episodes next seasons as they’ll rejig and add the four from this season and then write 21 new ones. So let’s talk about that scene with Meredith and Hayes! It was so so great! After hearing the news that she and the other doctors had finally found a diagnosis for Richard’s condition Hayes sought Meredith out as she was leaving for the night. He congratulated her on a great catch and asked her if she’d like to grab a drink with him and celebrate. She said yes, but said she was to exhausted to go out right now and asked her if he’d ask her again some other time. He said of course and told her he’d see her later and she said goodbye for the night.

There were so many things I loved about that scene! It was perfect! I loved that Hayes respected Meredith’s boundaries. He didn't push or try to change her mind. He understood what she was saying and accepted it. With any other love interest they’ve put her with that would have been a whole thing. They would have tried to change her mind or argued with her or tried to convince her and that’s not okay. But Hayes doesn’t do that. Why? Because he’s a mature adult who’s got his stuff together who understands the concept of consent and that yes, but not right now does not mean convince me.

I love that he's so understanding! He gets it! She's tired. She wants to go home and sleep, but she also wants to go out with him when she's feeling better and he wants that too! I can't wait to see them go out! I'm so happy. He's so smitten! Just the way he looks at her! And the way she looks at him! She's so into him! My heart! I love that they established that Hayes doesn’t like setups and he doesn’t even know that he’s in one right now! Jo’s sure not going to tell him. Where would be the fun in that? And he’s right that people are talking about his personal life when he’s not around. Specifically, the fact that Cristina sent him across the Atlantic and set him up with Meredith and everyone’s into it. I love it so much!

Also how deceiving was that episode description? “Hayes asks Meredith a surprising question.” It’s only surprising if you’ve never seen the show before or aren’t caught up on this season! Hayes has been into Meredith since he got to Seattle and Meredith has been into Hayes since they worked that Vaping case together. It’s very obvious in the googly heart eyes they keep making at each other all the time. I love that Hayes asking Meredith out was done in a subtle way with not a lot of fanfare. I really loved that. Because the episode description made it seem like it was going to be this big dramatic thing and I love that it wasn’t. Because real life is not like that. Real life is about the small moments. The intimate moments. The moments that matter. That come naturally when you build up a rapport with someone over time. And that’s what Meredith and Hayes have built.

I was also worried, especially after the Conference episode, that Hayes was still processing his grief in such a way that he wouldn’t feel comfortable asking Meredith out or that everything that’s been happening with DeLuca and now Richard would make him hesitant to ask her out or take the next step. Instead, we saw the opposite. Jo made comments about how him and Meredith would be good together and implied that other people thought so too. He heard about the nonsense that DeLuca had pulled yet again and he heard about what was going on with Richard and his eventual diagnosis. Instead of preventing him from asking her out it actually propelled him. He heard about what had happened with Richard, sought her out, offered his sympathies, congratulated her on a great catch. He then used that as a spring board to ask her out and in response she reciprocated his feelings and said yes! It was subtle, simple, and sweet. As it so often is in real life when you meet the right person.

I’m a big Taylor Swift fan and the slow burn they’ve created for Meredith and Hayes and the way he asked her out really reminded me of Taylor’s music and album journeys from reputation to Lover. The reputation album is about the death of Taylor’s reputation and her response to it. But as she has spoken about in interviews it’s also about a beautiful love story. It’s about how in some of her darkest times she found and formed the most beautiful and amazing relationship with her partner Joe. There’s this undercurrent running through the album about that relationship as it begins. Then in Lover it blossoms fully and we get to hear all about it and how great finding that kind of whole hearted love really is.

To me there is such a great parallel between that musical journey and the relationship we see forming between Meredith and Hayes. It’s this beautiful undercurrent that’s forming amidst the constant chaos that is Meredith’s life and that’s a wonderful thing. It’s this steady current in the background that once given the chance to fully bloom will blossom into this beautiful thing. I’m excited that we’ll get to see that next season. Hayes was back in a big way this episode and I loved it! I love him as a character. I really hope they make him a series regular next season because he is great and he needs more screen time. The female patient Daya who couldn’t express emotion or smile because of her condition and needed facial surgery was hilarious!

I'm really glad that they figured out what was wrong with Richard and he's on the mend! I'm glad Richard kicked Catherine out. She deserved that and in fairness to him he doesn't remember her being there. It looks like he doesn't remember anything prior to the Conference so I get why he's mad. He was also real petty about it and I loved that. Although I was surprised that Meredith wasn't in his room with Maggie and Jackson and Catherine at the end.

She’s his family too and up until he married Catherine she was he’s next of kin, his emergency contact, and had medical power of attorney. Catherine’s left him and was MIA prior to him getting sick, Richard didn’t even know that Maggie existed until a few years ago, and Jackson had barely spoken to the man until Maggie pointed out that Richard thought he was taking Catherine’s side in the divorce. Side note: I’m glad that Maggie and Winston are still texting! Steamily I might add! He should definitely move to Seattle next season!

DeLuca annoyed the crap out of me this episode not because he was wrong, but because of the way he chose to express his opinions as usual. He was right but instead of explaining that calmly to others he screamed at Richard's family and threw a bunch of sharp surgical instruments onto the OR floor while Richard was on the table. I really hope they write him off next season because he annoys the crap out of me, he still hasn’t picked a speciality yet, and I feel they’ve gone as far as they can with his character and then some.

As for that end scene with Meredith and DeLuca here’s how I saw it. I didn't see it as her going home with him. I saw it as she was on her way home when she found him crying on the floor and either drove him home or admitted him for treatment. They established that Carina's back in Seattle so I think she either she drove him home and then called Carina to come take care of her brother or got him admitted and then called her to follow up and then went home and got some well deserved sleep.

I'm glad that he's finally acknowledged that he's got a problem and needs help. That's the first time since he started behaving erratically that we've seen that so that's good. I hope Carina can get him some help and get him admitted somewhere or that Meredith already has. More and more I see the interactions between Meredith and DeLuca as motherly. She’s clearly concerned about him and feels guilty because he went to jail for her and is now failing apart. I hope they write him off next season, but if they don’t I hope he gets the treatment he needs and they both move on or they remain in each other’s lives on a friendly co-worker basis as that’s the only time they ever really work on screen in my opinion. They don’t have chemistry romantically or as friends. I loved that moment in the OR where Bokhee prayed over Richard! Bokhee for the win!

Teddy was a hot mess as usual! I knew the truth was going to come out eventually, but I did not expect that god damn! I'm not an Owen fan, but that scene in the supply closet was still a gut punch. Oof! I loved Tom's speech to Teddy and how he called her out on the fact that she was running into marrying Owen rather than confront her own confused feelings. Teddy really needs to figure out what she wants and pick a lane! I hated the fact that she had sex with Tom in his office and then when he said let's run away together she told him this was goodbye and she was marrying Owen. Who does that? No matter what side you are on here Teddy’s behaviour is just not okay! Oy vey!

I’m glad that Owen stood her up and cancelled the wedding. It’s bad enough that she’s engaged to Owen and carrying on an affair with Tom, but the fact that she had sex with Tom in his office on the day of her wedding and then had the audacity to tell him that was goodbye and she was marrying Owen when she is clearly conflicted is an awful thing to do to everyone. She’s literally hurting all parties involved and that’s just awful. Also how is she planning on explaining this to her kids when they’re older?

Amelia and Link we're super cute this episode! I'm glad that their baby is okay and healthy and that Amelia is okay after what happened with her first pregnancy. She’s been through enough and it looks like she’s finally getting something good in her life with a beautiful new baby and a healthy pregnancy and delivery and a wonderful supportive partner. The throwback to Bailey being there for Amelia like George was there for her was so beautiful! Kudos to Bailey for showing all that strength after she suffered a miscarriage recently!

I'm glad we got to see Bailey spend time with Richard as I felt that was missing last episode. Carina was great in this episode! She has so much potential as a character and I wish they would use her more. She’s such a badass and her facial expressions are always on point. Although I only watch Station 19 sporadically these days I love her relationship with Maya. I’m not an Andrew DeLuca fan at all and I would love if they would start focusing on her more and move her brother back into the background or off the show entirely.

Jo was hilarious! I’m glad she’s getting her spunk back. She reminds me in a lot of ways of Amelia from her early Private Practice days. I loved her comments to Jackson in the OR! Real talk though, what do you think Jackson’s dating profile pic would be? Jet or Yacht? Comment below! Also I love that Jo is so team MerWidow! She totally ships them together! And she's helping to make it happen! Go Jo!

I love how she almost spilled the beans to Hayes about Cristina setting him and Meredith up but then stopped when she realized he didn't know and didn't like set ups. I'm glad she did. Because if she'd said something further then Hayes might not have asked Meredith out. I feel like by the time the truth comes out Meredith and Hayes will already have been dating for a while so he'll be annoyed, but it won't change the way he feels about Meredith. Although let’s be honest nothing could he’s so smitten and he should be! Meredith is amazing and she deserves an amazing man like Hayes.

I saw someone on Twitter comment that it looks like the storyline with Meredith and Hayes beginning to date and the truth coming out about how Cristina set them up was supposed to play out in the next few episodes and I think that’s true. I’m sorry we won’t get to see it this season because of the shutdown but I’m really excited to see this play out next season. Something that did surprise me is that the character interactions in this episode imply that Jo didn’t tell Meredith about what DeLuca did to her and tried to do to her at the bar in the episode ‘Life on Mars’ and still hasn’t told her. I’m surprised by that because Meredith and Jo are friends, what DeLuca did was disgusting and unforgivable, and Jo clearly hasn’t forgotten. In fact in this very episode she made it super clear to Hayes that she detests DeLuca and hates the idea of him and Meredith together and so do others.

This once again brings to light the big problem with DeLuca in that the only reason Meredith went out with him, continued to date him, and continues to interact with him out of concern is because her friends and family aren't being completely honest with her about his behaviour and how he acts when she’s not around. Because let’s face it. If Meredith knew what DeLuca was really like when she wasn’t there she wouldn’t give that asshole the time of day. I can’t emphasize this enough. Your friends and family should be able to be honest with you about the person you’re dating and anyone that’s in your life. They should feel comfortable being honest with you and telling you how they feel. They shouldn’t have to hid the worst parts of them in order to protect you or so that you can be happy. I also don’t get how anyone can ship Meredith and DeLuca together or want him to continue to be a part of her life when he treats the people she loves so horribly and they openly detest him so much.

I’m sorry we have to wait so long to find out what happens next to our heroes. But I am very much looking forward to next season and watching Meredith and Hayes develop further!

Until next time!

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