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steve0discusses · 5 years

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Yugioh S3 Ep 44-45: Bakura‘s Back for More of This Nonsense

Man, I can’t believe we’re closing in on the 4th season of this show (still in shock I’m still able to make these.) Seems like just yesterday I felt like I had no idea what was happening, and now I’m like “they put in freakin Sans into Smash but not Bakura???” I’ve become one of those people now.

It’s been interesting how, because I have slowed down to watch these, I think I’ve been able to have a much more positive experience with the show. People have been talking about how binging has kind of changed TV from a place where fandoms could chat to a place where...you just watch it all in a weekend and hope no one spoils it and then wait for the next big thing to consume a week later.

But, when you’re watching a 15 year old anime you don’t have to worry about any of that. So it’s like a kind of nostalgic experience of a pre-streaming era despite the fact I’m totally streaming this.

But back to the show, now that the deep and reflective moments for Marik are over, my favorite storyboarder went home and left the rest of this to the night team who are clearly in a real rush to get this all finished. Again, the Yugioh whiplash is going from that high of “damn this is so goo-” then to the reality that the rest of the art direction in this show is “-acceptable. I meant to say acceptable. It’s perfectly acceptable”

Yugi Muto is still strung up by weird shadow magic restraints that must also be around his legs for some reason. I mean...it wouldn’t be so kinky if it wasn't also around his feet. More bits and pieces of Our Boy have been removed over the course of this endless card game, and he’s doing pretty good considering.

Joey has decided he’s had Enough Of These Damn Ghosts.

And so Marik decided that he’s been shamed by Joey Wheeler enough that he will just go away like Joey asks. This may be the only person who was actually bothered enough by Joey Wheeler to walk away in all of Yugioh.

(read more under the cut)

They....

Legit no one told her what had just happened.

They........

Just want to note that while Yugi’s leg burst out a stream of weird purple gas and Yugi screamed in pain, when his crotch disappeared, he did nothing but patiently look over at Pharaoh, who awkwardly winced. I guess the animation team knew better than to animate gas exploding out of that one particular spot, but it is still a rather funny contrast.

Marik has achieved his final form of so many veins, and it is a still frame every time it’s on screen. You cannot animate this. You cannot.

On the other end of the field, Odion has somehow made it down these extremely steep stairs, only to look up and see so many more stairs.

And back on the field is so many cards. So many cards, including the Card Poem. This awful Card Poem I tried so hard to forget.

Bro brings up that maybe this poem sounds way cooler in Japanese but like...I doubt it, right? Like this was a poem that the writers threw together in 5 minutes and were like “we’re never going to actually say the shame poem, right?”

But anyway more cards things happen but why talk about cards when this eventually happens.

I feel like Pharaoh was attempting to use Shadow Magic on Marik like just a few episodes ago so he could have done something now but...maybe he forgot? I dunno. Pharaoh didn’t feel like participating in this particular fight, maybe because his alter ego is holding on to life solely by having extra long emo bangs to count as lifepoints.

and so, Odion gives Marik a pep talk--and I kid you not, this is all Marik needed the entire time.

Yeah.

That was it.

Like maybe Odion had to be awake since Odion has a spell or whatever on Marik but still it’s like...all you had to do was say “This guy is not even a person, Marik--you are the person, just nix him and we’re good”

And so the two alter ego’s fight with eachother in the same body and that must have been a treat for everyone watching.

Man, it’s a good thing Mokuba already has so many PTSD situations under his several belts up to this point, because otherwise I’d be somewhat concerned about this very young kid who is privy to all this type of magical abominations every time his brother just wants to play cards.

and then...Yugi plays a bunch of cards and...um......

......don’t ask me what happened........

After the big group hug, Marik and Marik switch places.

This was because bad Marik was fused with a monster card--which turned bad-Marik into...the definition of a Monster.

So, if you kill the monster card then you can...

...switch places with your alternate half...

...yes...

Basically it’s a more complicated version of what Pharaoh did to Ryou and Bakura in S1, except in S1, Bakura played Ryou as a card and Pharaoh just slammed his hands on the table and was like “Screw it, Bakura! I’m so tired of this! We’re all so individually tired of this! I’m just going to use my Shadow Magic and switch you with Ryou and then we’re all going the HELL BACK TO BED!”

This time it just had to be so much more complicated although we have seen Pharaoh willy nilly switch souls before just two seasons ago.

So, just like Bakura did to his evil side in S1, Marik banishes his evil side to the shadow realm in a card game.

Which worked super good last time, amiright?

I guess we’re all just going to assume that this works now? Even though this absolutely did not work in season 1? Like Bakura went right back to a life of murder immediately?

Then again, Bakura’s an actual dude, and Marik’s alter Ego was a figment of his anger or something?????? Maybe that’s the difference? Maybe that’s why we can be rest assured that this works now?

Maybe they’re just tired of the Marik plot line and are like “listen, he’s kind of hard to draw and we don’t want to do it anymore. He’s dead now.”

For realsies though, from what I’ve been told, Marik never goes cray again and gracefully exits the show. But, if they ever want to continue Yugioh back in this direction, you can just have him snap at any time you feel like, we all know this type of exorcism is wholly reversible.

Anyway, the clouds are lifted and we are reminded that it is still hardly even lunch time.

It is at this point that Marik turns to his Brother and his Sister, who all three have no world skills outside of scamming museums and filtering sewer water, and waxes long about all the great times they’re about to have in the future.

Like what future though? You have to go to 20 years of actual real deal school, Marik, you can only read one Egyptian text. Hell knows how many people you possessed in order to get that motorcycle permit. You for sure aren’t ever allowed to play cards ever again. Like what are you going to do, Marik?

...dude what if he just goes back on the boat and just sails away for the rest of his life with his cultists who are equally unqualified to live in the real modern world. OMG what if that’s the real Marik’s Boat Time all along?

Ah.

I almost forgot about you, Bakura.

Just in time for the British Bake Off to start updating episodes on Netflix, just in time, Bakura.

And following this is actual real thing that happened which, if you told me about, I would have just assumed was a joke or an edit to make it appear like this is happening. But no, it’s strip time.

the hell?

Yo can you believe that like a week ago I was like quoting “One Week” for kicks in these recaps and then this week Marik is, indeed, “in the history of taking off his shirt” ?

Anyway, Marik reminds us that his only purpose in life is to uh...be a book. A book that no one can read because Pharaoh didn’t have the foresight 5000 years ago that no one would be speaking Egyptian anymore and also that his reincarnation would be a 14-16 yo Japanese boy who’s entire brain power is used for selecting cards and selecting matching belts.

I just...Pharaoh’s mind must have been in a real place 5000 years ago and that was before he ever became a ghost.

Also, it is kind of amazing how many times it has come up how illiterate Pharaoh is over the past season and he still hasn’t decided to do anything about it. Like, he’s just kind of hoping that someone else (probably Kaiba) will feed the answer to him like a baby because that’s just how this show has been up to now.

In this case he has a one-ness moment with the tablet and gets the sense of “It’s fine, we’ll figure this out later” which um...

I’m really happy that in this scene, Pharaoh is still tripping balls but everyone else is so used to him doing stuff like this, they just completely ignore it.

So glad I had 2 seasons to build up this back tatt in order to figure out that Marik’s back didn’t help Pharaoh at all. The tablet yes, the back tattoo--no, completely unnecessary. Congrats, Pharaoh’s mole people servants, you screwed up and did this weird ass ceremony on 12 yo’s for 5000 years trapped underground for NO REASON.

Anyways, preteens rejoice, Marik without a shirt is randomly 10 lbs more buffed now, which I’m pretty sure was never a thing when he was wearing that itty bitty pink hoodie. Like maybe the animators are just used to really buffed anime and this is them toning it the hell down, but uh...no actual 16 year olds will ever look like this, sorry to break it to you, preteens.

Man, the horny line running through this show lol.

Letsee, Yugi now has the puzzle, Ishizu’s necklace, the Ring, the Rod, the...

...where’s the freakin eyeball?

Did...where is it? Where is the nastiest of the golden objects?

Did Bakura never bring the eye with him to this trip? Like...is it just hanging out in his desk at home near his secret stash he super hopes that his Mom doesn’t find?

Guys, where’s the eyeball?

Anyway, now that Mokuba has decided Seto can feel joy and smile again, he gives Seto the A-OK to blow the hell out of this moneypit island that has already been violently blown up just a few years previously.

Like this begs the question, why even build this tower if you wanted to blow it up? But then again, that is the equivalent to a small child that builds block towers just to knocks them over, right? Like that part of Seto just never grew up?

So........

My bro, while looking this over, gave me the best spicy bro headcanon I’ve ever heard, and it’s absolutely too ridiculous for this blog that is mostly about what actually happens in the course of this show, but I’mma gonna share it with you anyway. I’m pretty sure this isn’t a common headcanon, but if my bro got it from some random fic he read off Ao3, I don’t know any better. So bro kinda squints at Roland, Seto Kaiba’s most incompetent bodyguard (if “bodyguard” is even an accurate description for the weird fake not-a-job that this guy has to do) and is like “do you feel like Roland has Noah’s hair color?”

and I was like “Bro, if you are suggesting that Roland is the illegitimate son of Gozobura because his hair is the same shade as the darker parts of Noah’s hair, that is one wild headcanon and I love it”

So--using Bro’s logic, lets say Gozaboro had a really stupid illegitimate son he had to hide from his wife. So he just...gives him a fake job. Considers “maybe I can use this son on A.I. Noah?” but Roland ends up being too much of a dumbass to intimidate Noah, so instead, he keeps Roland around on low-tier jobs so he gets keep an eye on him, torture him, etc.

And as the company falls out around him, Roland gets slowly promoted, as Seto and Mokuba fire basically everyone who worked with Pegasus and the Big 5. And Roland, who is just so bad at everything, forgot to attend the Pegasus coup (and would have no idea what is ever happening), so when the Kaibas returned from Pegasus’ island they still have Roland...sitting there at that long table covered in 4 identical idiot salads and orange juice he laid out for them in his patchy green moustache and his huge Gozaburo shoulders, they’re like “well.....I guess we have to take care of him now.”

And that’s the story my brother has in his head now every time Roland is on screen. It’s not canon at all that Roland is the secret 4th Kaiba brother but damn. What if he’s just the 4th Kaiba brother but has no idea, and Mokuba and Seto do, and that’s why they drag him all over the world with them? Hilarious.

I mean...Seto and Mokuba fire everyone. But they don’t fire Roland, their biggest dumbass. What a headcanon. (and if this joke ends up being real I’ll be very happy)

ALSO, new thing, the necklaces around their necks with the cute picture of eachother that they had up till now to remind eachother of their forever brotherly love--also keys used to blow up things very violently.

I should have expected this.

Anyway, lets check up on Mai---oohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Y’all this was WEIRD.

WHAT. THE. HELL.

So after that extremely insensitive joke that made us doubt if bringing back Mai was a good thing, lets have a reminder that we brought back someone else even worse, who, like a parasite, was devouring everything that they love.

(Bakura’s font color has been changed to blue stripes because before he was just too similar to Joey’s yellow and my white. Eventually I will find the right system for coloring everyone’s font legibly, although I know that the patterns are sometimes harder to read for people that aren’t colorblind.)

Ah, local nasty boy is back. I’d love if they had shown more of the food he ate, but they wisely decided to crop that huge spread out of frame. Bakura eating all of the donuts is canon though. Somehow every donut aboard this blimp fit inside of that small boy’s endless stomach.

PS Kaiba Corp makes their own milk. At some point, Seto Kaiba was just leaning back into his work chair, Mokuba on the couch watching TV, Roland completely unable to reload the Keurig, and Seto was like “But what if...I made CHEESE.” (BECAUSE YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THESE KIDS LOVE CHEESE) and Mokuba was like “OMG you could sell the company back to them at 2 times the price for each share” and he was like “I KNOW.”

and so he marched down to the nearest cheese fields to buy some cows, only to find out that the agriculture market is so strained you can’t sell the shares at a times-two profit now and he‘s like “Ah dammit! I have to do real business! This freakin blows!”

Makes you think.

Anyway, then Ryou throws some shade at us about “PS, I was in Hell! I love you, too!”

Anyway, so it’s about time we ended this season, so how about it? How about we take off, watch it all blow up as a symbolic representation of all the hopes and dreams Kaiba had at the beginning of this tourney, and end this crazy ass season?

Oh wait, that relies on Roland being able to do even one thing competently.

So, that’s where we leave off.

Really truly, honestly, we need to get everyone on this show matching cuff radios because the number of times they’ve needed to call Kaiba is insurmountable. Could have solved so many problems. Really surprised that Roland can’t like...call the Kaibas right now, but now that I think about it, we clarified several episodes ago that Mokuba forcibly kicked Roland off of the radio because he was unable to work it properly.

Good job Roland, the best Kaiba son.

Anyway if you just got here this is a link to read just the Yugioh recaps in chrono order

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sharpieismywarpaint · 5 years

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RULEZ! answer 21 questions, then tag 21 ppl!

YAY BEST DAY EVAR WUT ANSWERING USELASS KWESTIUNS IS MY FAVORITE HOBBY XOXOXO 4 TAGGING ME @xxadam-antidotexx

nickname: “ummm... Y r u eating all teh eggo wafflez at teh afterskewl committee PLZLEAVETHX X0″ i lubs this 1 cuz its what errybody is always saying 2 me. If u donut want 2 call me my official name (Mike Krotch B-]) then U can also call meh shaggy 2 dope

zodiac: capricorn.. according 2 all youze tumblr astrology posts im supposed 2 B the serious 1?? BOO bitch moan whine wut.

height: 5'3 but i stand next 2 short pepuls all the time so that i l00k taller i’m sumthing of a genious B]

last movie i saw: beverly hills chihuahuas It’s on FXX rn & the mexican chihuahua just said oh my tacos to the beverly chihuahua omg. I kno its just cuz they legits couldnt figure out how else to make it obvious itza poc-puppy but i am seriousleh considurring incorperating OH MY TACOS! into meh everyday vocab. GET CABLE BEYOTCHEZ!

last thing i googled: spitfire 99a 52mm. (Thos R my skateboard wheel measurements cuz i broke mah old 1s. o well at least it sounds badass on teh internets, gaiz?)

favourite musician: mindless self indulgence. JIMMY PEE MAN IZ dOpE.

song stuck in my head: rich girl gwen stafanafani cuz its in the beverly hills chihuahua soundtrack & iZ playing rn. also coco jambo becuz some1 had that as her autoplay on her blog..

other blogz: i have my main & my art blog i-dee-kay if i alreddy linked teh art blog on here or sumthing butt its @tonyhawkofficial

followerz: 727 oh gawd i barely evan look at my follower count cuz numburrs stress me out but dat iz a LOT i mean i culd organize a rave or sumthing IRL <3

following: 179 & even then most of it iz inactive blogs Ono

amount of sleep: ~7h butt dubble that on the weekends. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

lucky number: 13 perHAPS. it iz just 2 spookay.

dream job: ceo of a powerful companey and i ware cat eye glasses all the time and throw money at people who want it while driving around in mah honda civic and I also have a feather boa but when midnite strikes my secret identitty is a really good glostick raver and i come to yur party and rave teh nite away with ppl on ecstacy or sumthing & then I go olone into teh desert and turn into mathematical equations. Plz & thankyouse.

what im wearing: shirt I got when I went 2 florida a century ago i wuz like 9 years it has a gator on it & these orange parachute pants they look EXACTLY like the 1s christina wears in the genie in a bottle video let me show yu gaiz these bootaykicking pants later 2day okai!

favourite food: OMG TUMBLR RESET TEH NUMBERS!! F U TUMBLR!!!! O ya and while I’m at it WHY DIDN’T I GET TEH MEMO DAT I WUZ TAGGED IN SUMTHING UNTIL I CHACKED MEH ACTIVITY GRAPH MEHSELVES, HMMMMMM?? Listen Tumblrs U R really addiction central sumtimes but U SUCKS! n. e. way have yu gaiz ever had a white castle slider... I luuubs the jalepeno ones. O yesh. Also reeses (which iz also meh favorite malcolm in the middle character which i watched the entirety of dis week 4 sum gawrshdang reason, YAY!)

language: english (JK, ive actaully been faking it this whole tiems :D), korean, rellay crappy fijian evan though I spent meh whole childhood thare WUT? a little french hon hon hon & spanish

can i play an instrument: i can plink a mean piano... but mostleh the guitar. Trying 2 learn sum lemon demon songs on there cuz knowledge is power!? I can serenade U with a sublime song or sum nirvana songs if U liek.

favourite song: the chaccaron maccaron song XDDD. Um forreal I dont wanna say sum msi song becuz i am feeling UNPREDICTABUL 2nite how about ravers fantasy by tune up its like teh classic? Or maybe teh entirety of the first happy 2B hardcore CD idk i alwaez just listen to teh whole album in 1 go & pretend its just 1 song anywai. Happy 2b hardcore roolz guys liek anabolic frolics entire discography i mean relly hamana hamana.

random fact: in 2012 I met 1 of teh kids who yelled aye aye captain in teh spongebob theme song OMG cray-zee i wuz liek OH U KID, TIGER!! but his dad worked on spengebeb so yea he relly did do it frickin ruled

describe yourself using aesthetic things!: a-aesthetic thing... dafuq is an aestheitc thing? Kittehs. Boobies. Winamp mp3s. Randumz pandumbs. Kandi. Glostix. KANDI KANDI KANDEEEHH. Wheeee. IDK WHAT 2 DU HERE I AM SHAMEFACED D:

i tag: @tyleroakley @trishapaytas @bob (not a real gai I just luvs teh name bob. Beb.) @amelia-lb <--- porn bot that just followed meh that i have 2 applaud for persistence & ANYBODEH READING THIS RN OKIE i freaking lubs haveing an xCuse 2 do these things.

SORRZ IF I RUINED UR DASH 4EVER! KLOVECHUBAI KISSIES & GLOMPZ ^^^ <---(kawaii triclops)

#textpoop #HNNNNRRRGG. dats teh sound of me taking a textpoop #haha ew X3

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leightaylorwrites · 6 years

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Leigh Dissects YA Fiction: They All Fall Down (Chapters 9 - 12)

Chapter Nine

Levi certainly wasn’t grieving Olivia’s death…

Of course not. Why would he be grieving his ex-girlfriend? That would imply that he cares about anyone other than you and with this being a YA book, it’s unlikely that a romantic lead would be so complex.

[...] his open varsity jacket making his shoulders look even broader.

A specific sport isn’t named. Does the author think all varsity athletes get the same jacket? There are emblems, symbols, and other things that are specific to certain sports. This is what happens when you base your YA book on your own nerdy high school experiences and don’t do basic research: you get things wrong.

“Why is everyone so certain Levi Sterling is going to jail?” I demand.

You can’t demand a question that has to be answered by multiple people when you’re only with one person. Also, didn’t you, like recently, say he might’ve been a murderer or rapist?

I nod sympathetically, supposing that’s a legit enough connection for a guy like Josh to shed a few tears.

Because for a masculine boy to cry, it has to be legitimized.

Was he kidding? Girls like Olivia and the rest of them on that list didn’t hang out with nerds like me. But guys don’t always know that.

Okay, even if we’re going with the ridiculous idea that people don’t have friends in different circles, the same would be true for boys. Geeky boys and jocks wouldn’t hang out. Why wouldn’t he know this?

“I missed you last night,” he says right into my ear, with a secret, sexy voice that should have every cell in my body jumping up and down.

You’ve spoken for a total of three minutes.

“I had…” Movie night with mom. “Something else to do.”

Why can’t she just tell him the truth? I get it’s geeky but it’s not like you were committing a crime.

A flicker of distaste crosses his expression as he conciders what could possibly have been more important than his game, and his gaze shifts in the direction where Levi had been. “Out with your parolee?”

Dora doesn’t tell him the truth about her whereabouts as a way for the author to throw in cheap tension. If she had a legit reason or given an explanation (like how I said spending time with her mom is ~geeky~), then it would’ve worked. Without that, this is just lazy writing.

“Good thing, ‘cause they're saying he was there and was having a deep and heated conversation with Olivia before she died.”

Did this book have an editor?

“Good thing you weren’t with him.”

He’s said good thing twice in the past quarter page. Either the author discovered a new phrase while writing this chapter, or someone stans NCT.

“Listen, I know it’s not going to be really fun under the circumstances and all, but a bunch of kids are getting together at my house tonight. Will you come?”

Y’all really about to have a party when someone just died. I get the popular kids are supposed to somewhat suck but there’s sucking then there’s being horrible people.

“We’re changing clothes, you freakazoid!”

Outdated reference is outdated. Most of this author’s demographic does not know that song. Has she ever spoken with an actual teenager? In this century?

“His parents passed away many years ago.”

Please be related to the cult I’m probably totally wrong about.

“I never got into the house but I’ve heard it’s amazing, with an indoor swimming pool and a ten-car garage adjacent to some of the prettiest parts of Nacht Woods.”

Good Lord. First, it annoys me when characters who are loaded go to public school with a bunch of people who are nowhere near as rich. School zoning doesn’t work like that, with only one megarich kid and everyone else being middle class. Second, why are we getting this awkward splooge from Generic BFF’s mom instead of having this description when Dora gets to the party later????? Why is this writing so bad? Where is the editor?

“The grandfather, who’s retired, of course, made a killing on Wall Street, as I understand it.”

What is this SENTENCE?! I suck at grammar and sentence structure and all those technical things but damn, I know I could do a better job at this editor who works for an actual publishing house.

“Really hit it huge in the go-go eighties.”

“Where’d they go-go?” Kayla asks, making everyone laugh.

Not me.

“It’s the idiots who can’t handle the peer pressure. But, okay, you girls use common sense.”

Fucking hell. If they’re pressured into drinking then they’re not idiots. That’s why it’s called PRESSURE. And why are we acting like people with common sense don’t drink? They’re not mutually exclusive.

“(...) I’d love to just sit around that table for house with a family that is so whole and happy. But I only have myself to blame for that.”

Shut your melodramatic ass up.

Chapter Ten

God save me.

(..) what feels like a half-mile-long driveway (...) At least fifty cars are in the drive and along the street.

Driveway. It’s called a driveway. You just used it in the last sentence.

She’s cute - and has to be freezing - but, really, nothing extraordinary to look at.

What a fucking bitch. Honestly, Dora, please die.

“We’re going into the woods.”

Yes, now it’s the point in the book where a Native American burial ground is invaded by drunk suburban white teens who literally have no respect for the land. This includes our protagonist. And if you’re thinking she’s going to mention how wrong and disrespectful this is, bring your expectations of this author down. No, further. FURTHER. Yes, that low.

“We’re at Meesha mound.” She leans closer and lowers her voice. “Indian burial ground, you know. Cool, huh?”

“Very.”

To be fair, Dora says her “very” is sarcasm but like?? Nothing is done or said about how horrible it is that they’re doing this. Or even the improper and offensive usage of “Indian.”

She misses my sarcasm and takes me down a dark path.

Obviously bad metaphor is obviously bad.

“I like Sisters of the List,” Kylie Leff says, leaning into Amanda. “We’ve been blood sisters since kindergarten.”

Can I return this book and get cult lesbians instead? Side note, if you want to watch something about a cult lesbian, AHS: Cult was AMAZING and its best season since Coven.

She holds up a single knuckle and Amanda meets it with one of her own in the most feminine and lackluster knuckle tap in history.

We get it. Fem = bad, hot fem = bad, weak fem = bad.

Why was Dora expecting some epic knuckle punch when Kylie only used one knuckle? Does she think she has super-strength?

It’s Candace Yardley, number ten, who up to this point has been virtually silent. Once again, I take a second to admire her dark good looks; she is runway perfect.

Why is this book so racist?!! Having the Asian character be silent until Dora is ready to comment on her ~dark good looks~?? And she has to be at the bottom of the list? What IS THIS?!

She smiles at her best friend.

How many times must we be reminded that Kylie and Amanda are gal pals, heteros, and that this book has no room for lesbians? Petition to save Kylie and Amanda from this hetero dumpster fire.

I take the vodka bottle and let a few drops touch my lips, the flavor like bitter grape cough medicine.

One, you can’t taste much with your lips. Two, that’s not what vodka tastes like.

“You bitches cray.” She sings the last word on a laugh. “But I need to get fried.”

Let’s play “spot the Token black character.” I think the usage of the word cray is a testament to how old this book is. Back when white authors thought it was fun to use cringe aave. You gon finna catch me is SHAKING.

“Thank god that chapter is over” - me after every chapter.

Chapter Eleven

“YOLO, baby girl. Which translates into ‘have some fun.’

Petition to have white authors never write black characters again.

I can smell beer, and the sound of rap is barely drowned out by loud boys and girls laughing. Really? On the night after the girl they all planned to vote for class president next year has died? They either don’t care or… they don’t understand death.

You fucking asshole, Dora. Some people have different coping methods. And, how would you know they don’t care or understand death? Do you think you’re the only person in your whole school who has lost someone?

They don’t know how permanent death is. But I do.

Earlier, we learned that Generic Good Boy is a fucking orphan. He lost BOTH parents. You lost ONE brother. Shut up.

“Like I said… YOLO.”

Stop. I’m begging.

“You know what I remember about you in middle school?” (...) “You were hydrogen in our Dress Like an Element Day in science.”

Listen, I like the fact that Dora and GGB have natural chemistry as characters whereas Dora and GBB are forced like hell. But could the author not think of a more interesting element? Why would GGB remember this in particular? Even if he thought Dora was cute, it would make sense for the element to be something less common and therefore more easy for the reader to see why it was so memorable.

“You’re the Latin expert.”

She’s a junior in high school.

“(...) he lives to meet pretty girls.” The way he says it makes me feel like I really am one of those pretty girls.

Because he just told you his grandfather likes pretty girls? An old man? That makes you feel pretty? Really? That?

“Wait--I want to kill her, er, say hi.”

Ignoring this horrible attempt at humor, Dora is upset with her friend for drinking at a party. I’ll point you to Dora’s weird grape cough medicine vodka from her cult meeting in the woods.

“I play on two travel teams--hey, Ryan--and lots of these kids are from all over this side of the state.”

They came all the way out here for one party? Are there no parties in their own neighborhoods?

“Kenzie.” The older man nods in approval. “Of course.” Flashing an easy, wide smile, he looks down--way down--at me. Instantly, I can see where Josh gets his gifts--his height, the build, the sort of raw masculinity mixed with charm that rolls off him. That’s hereditary, I suppose.

I just threw up.

This man is at least sixty, given that his grandson is a high school junior. And Dora just spent a paragraph lowkey lusting after him. I haven’t witnessed something so grossly uncomfortable since Throne of Trash the series we don’t acknowledge.

“You were absolutely correct, Josh. She is a refreshing change.”

Get it? Because she’s not like those other girls.

“You’ve taught me everything, Josh says, a respectful note in his voice. “Including how to pick quality girls.”

Women aren’t avocados.

He pats my hand and shifts in his seat. “Let’s change the subject. I understand you’re on that list that does nothing but objectify lovely teenage girls.”

You can’t call out the list for objectifying them when 1) you’ve done that since you met Dora, 2) you act like a fucking pedophile while you’re touching her, and 3) you follow up the fact that the list is objectifying the girls by calling the girls “lovely.”

“But his legacy lives on, right back in Nacht Woods.” He angles his head toward the back of the house. “He’s buried there, too.”

So not only has this author disrespected Native Americans with using their burial ground for horror aesthetic reasons, but she’s also allowed a white character to be buried there.

“Not him, per se,(...) but the things that mattered to him. I made a place to honor him.”

I know we need exposition but it makes no sense here. They’ve spent half a page talking about this dead dude, rather than the scholarship Dora wants.

“How do I apply?”

“No application necessary, dear. You just have to finish the ropes course Jarvis built in Nacht Woods (...) You look fairly athletic.”

Oh my god. How many ways can this author metaphorically shit on this burial ground?

“Quit hittin’ on my chick, Rex.”

Dora’s next thought is her freaking out about Josh calling her his girl, which okay, I get. But… shouldn’t she be a tad bit concerned about this creepy pedo man who just offered her a scholarship as long as she completes The Hunger Games?

“She’s a total brainiac (...) I think that’s hot.”

“Quite,” his grandfather agrees.

I’M NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP

Chapter Twelve

I haven’t had anything to drink since my one sip of grape vodka, but Molly’s borderline tipsy(.)

We’ve got clarification that her vodka was grape flavored (ew) but what the hell is “borderline tipsy”??? Either she’s tipsy or she’s sober. Tipsy is the full in between of sober and drunk.

“But the weirdest thing of all was the texts disappeared about ten minutes after I got it. I can’t find it in my deleted texts, nothing.”

SHE TRIED TO SEARCH DELETED TEXTS AND WAS SURPRISED WHEN SHE COULDN’T FIND ANYTHING ASHJLDFASHLJL

(...) ready for dark looks from my list sisters(...)

We’re really using this name?

But I won’t tell these girls that. They’re wack.

I love 2001 slang.

Also, you guys don’t know how hard it is for me to not make a Malibu’s Most Wanted reference right now.

Having to post all my notes/opinions means I’m having to read over some of the book again and if you can believe it, these are considered the good chapters compared to what comes later.

Using my irritation as free entertainment? Enjoy my writing as free entertainment, too. I’ve got a freebie book called Epic here.

#leigh reads it #leigh dissects ya #tafd review #long post #tafd

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slowlyandrogynousmiracle · 7 years

Text

Long Ass Rant About Black Sails/LJS/Flint/Madi and Why Treasure Island is the God in which The BS Producers are Honoring....

Look, seriously, I can be an ass when people make me but I’m going to say my last piece ( probably not lol) on current events happening in Black Sails. This show was never about ships though as with all shows one starts shipping. The Silver/Flint fandom has had dominance for two years and midway through in pops Madi...John Silver’s actual love interest from the books and people are either ok and rolling with this or ignorant, bitter, and using the most transparents excuses available to devalue her meaning not only to the story but the Flint. She’s the one “ getting in the way” making Silver “ do things he wouldn’t” when that is so far removed from the truth I realize that a great deal of these people have championed and rallied behind this ship so long that they literally have had two years of warping the story in their head without much direct competition from the idea. I get that. I actually do. I recently had my heart shattered by Bamon but like Silver/Flint I clearly saw what the show kept saying but I chose to ignore it because I had hope they would put these two together but they didn’t.

I’m not in anybody’s tag screaming bloody murder. Actually this is the first time I have even brought up my disappointment because in the end I am an adult and despite me being salty af about it I also know that the show didn’t really deceive me when I step back and actually look at it. They kept hammering nauseatingly that Delena was endgame and that Bonnie and Damon were best friends. I wanted something else. The writers however were ALWAYS (grrr) telling a different story and I am mature enough to accept this despite all the million reasons I can list that make my ship more valid. It doesn’t matter. TVD doesn’t owe me anything. Black Sails does not owe the Silver/Flint fandom anything.

This show was constructed around the mysteries in Treasure Island. It does bother me that a great deal of people don’t even comprehend the character LJS. You don’t have to read the book to know that he is the most infamous pirate for a great deal of reasons. One being his ruthlessness but that is attributed to his cunning and charm. Tes, LJS is the most charming person one can meet. He’s also smart. When we are introduced the the pirate world, the “ Golden Age” has diminished because no one is rallied behind a common cause or desire. Pirates are slothy creatures that are major alcoholics and spendthrift theifs with no rules or honor code. LJS has made something of himself or I should say, John Silver has and it is mentioned for all of five seconds bu Hands that LJS cares about two things in the world; his fortune and his wife. He is a pirate but he leads no pirate resistance.

I am not sure what TS meant when he said LJS turns into a miserable person. I have no why he interprets the character as such but as the guy playing Flint and what he stood for I could see him having a biased opinion of the character. LA has never stated his character as miserable and again the source material is that. *SPOILER ALERT* but LJS gets his part of the treasure, Flint’s portion to be exact. Maybe TS meant LJS becomes more cold and heartless and cynical. I don’t see that as a bad thing considering he’s been a pawn between two men for a great deal of time. The point is, the mysteries this show is addressing as the prequel is Flint’s story, the reason Flint feared LJS, the story of Silver’s African wife , the story of the treasure, and the story of how did Billy Bones piss off LJS to the point of stroke.

That’s the story they are telling and yes while there are historical changes the the events that happen to these characters are going to have to coincide with the source material. In the words of James S.A. Corey who is currently doing the show Expanse of whom they wrote but also adapted the TV series format and made changes stated, “ you want to make changes that tell the story better but you don’t want to mess with it too much, Especially a successful story less you take away from the story the fans are fond of. If it’s not broken leave it alone” Point being that while Shotz and company have changed death scenes and added characters to this world it will all tie back to T.I. ultimate canon. Flint will die. He will die alone. You can imagine a Thomas Hamilton reunion all you want (hell they may do fanservice and make it seem Flint goes away to find him) but he doesn’t die happy.

Flint’s character is the most fascinating of the show there can be no doubt of that but lets not rewrite history just because you like a character or you just happen to empathize with them in all things. You have to accept that whole you make overlook his flaws I personally and others cannot and don’t think Flint deserves a happy ending. He has put people through SHIT. Billy’s mad descent came because of Flint attempting to kill him that led to his TORTURE. He didn’t come back whole from that. I still blame Billy for Billy’s actions but his hatrad is well deserved. He killed Gates when it became clear Flint would bring them into harm. His BEST FRIEND. He killed him when it came between his goal and him. You can romanticize all thee wants about how this is all for Thomas and what happened but Gates was also Billy’s mentor. What makes Flint’s pain more important than anyone else’s? He terrorized his crew and pushed even when he was all fucked in the head. He was a tyrant! He is a murderer. He’s also selfish and completely manipulative. I joke about the Koolaid but like LJS in the books, Flint has a certain charm that is sincere but also very motivated towards his own ends.

Does he care about Silver...sure...in the same way he cared for Gates. And we all saw what happened to Gates. I think Flint feels he owes Silver because he DID help him come out of the fog after Miranda but again, can we not actually remember the show;s motivations. Silver jumped in because the crew was screwed and everyone was desperate and Billy begged Silver to be the “Gates” for the crews sake. Silver I correctly recall balked, didn’t want to do it, was afraid of Flint and overall though the was nuts. Facts people. Facts. There was no pining looks of longing. Flint saw Silver as a shit who he needed and Silver saw Flint as the Captain who was straight up cray and concocted a plan with Villy to shove him out.

Then Maroon Island happened and Silver met Madi. Only when Silver speaks with Madi regarding his concerns and she offers herself as a tether does Silver make an actual attempt at friendship with Flint without so much trepidition. Facts. They are literally lining it up for school children to follow. I mean they legit made a scene just to show Silver WATCHING MADI as if he just found God. We call these turning points.

Since then this show has shown that Silver has been able to find a real connection with Flint ( in friendship. I can’t be bothered to hide the fact that that’s all it’s ever been.) due his very real connection with Madi. Both Billy and Flint both wrote off his relationship with Madi. Flint by never really believing Silver told her about the treasure and Billy by throwing her name in his face as if it was a non factor. Now I think Flint IS trying to be better but that’s his tragedy. He is too consumed by the darkness. He can longer shake it off even if he wanted to. Which is why Silver cannot confide in him about his grief because in some ways he doesn’t feel Flint comprehends that what he lost of so much bigger than what he suspects due mostly to his soon to be revealed backstory. But Flint also knows Silver is more than he allows him to be. And the minute he is off his leash it will NOT be to Flint’s benefit so that shades his concern.

I just am tired of people acting like this is brand new. That Silver is the “bad guy” now when Silver has made one of the most unselfish remarkable turnarounds in the show. Here was a man living on his luck and smarts who cared about nothing and no one who got involved with a pirate crew just for the stake in a claim of a massive treasure that Flint was hiding btw. Since then he has found some place with the pirate brethren, has conquered his fear and can stand next to a man like Flint while holding his own, and has opened himself up to the only love he’s probably had and been returned in his life. He is NOW WILLING to give up the one thing that got him involved in this in the first place for the chance to have a life with this woman. That doesn’t sound like the bad guy because his desire no longer matches up with Flint. He didn’t BETRAY Flint (look up the definition please before you start posting it la di da). If anything he’s taking a play straight from the master’s playbook. And Silver is right! Flint was all willing to give that gold up for a completely completely dismantled Nassau but not for the part of the slave alliance that leads the slave alliance. Julius sure as hell ain’t playing ball. Madi is important to the cause in her own right. She’s also been going to BAT for Flint so the hate coming her way is equally ridiculous.

The influx of recruits has completely reorganized what Flint wants now. He knows he can win which means he isn’t willing to let the treasure go because now he can use that to fund something bigger. He has already moved on from Nassau now that it is within his reach. He’s done the one thing Julius was afraid of. The minute his troops move off to Boston the British swoop right back in and put them back in chains. Or are the slaves journey completely meaningless? If so, then you know what you are.

Lastly, and oh my favorite of course is Madi will side with Flint and leave John in the dust because this isn’t what she wants.

Like, I’m not even trying to be funny but as much as Madi has been supporting Flint it’s VERY recent and if you think she’s going to shun Silver ( and her mother since I’m pretty sure she helped dig up that treasure. She probably agreed to let Flint have his plan and if he doesn’t work, all bets off and save her daughter) for fighting for her life. And that’s not say she wont have any words but if you think she’s going to betray Silver when she could have literally betrayed him and Flint and got what SHE wanted for HER people then it doesn’t take a genius to figure out she’s probably going to see her way to why Silver made the choices he do. I mean this is the same woman who has belaboring that Flint cant be trusted, Like Silver said, Flint didn’t force the choice between Billy and Flint because Flint was smart enough not to give Silver any reason to doubt him. Now he has, and the word is “Boston”

Stop ignoring James McGraw’s cray. God you gotta love him because he don’t STOP but this man has intentions we...just...he need to retire but he clearly ain’t tired of the fight. That’s bullshit. He even stated out of his own MOUTH that it will get interesting when the moment comes when they aren’t of like mind. This man stay ready for the backstab because he know how to wield that knife better than any. What’s worst is people are rooting for him. Like Flint is the worst thing for what Flint wants. You doesn’t take small steps, he takes this unheard of leaps with sheer force of will and while in part that’s admirable it’s mostly reckless and suicidal for anyone following him. Ya’ll know this. Stop playing. Stop bullshitting. You can love him without defending him always.

And to say Silver’s change is sudden and how can he go from trusting him to not....lets go back in time....to a day ago if that when Flint said “ trust me.” Grab my hand and lets count it up. WR went and got the Spanish due to him accepting Eleanor’s dumbass deal because he completely underestimated Woodes bloodlust, Eleanor died, Madi “died” Silver was forced to hand over his friend to the slaves because of Billy’s dumbass but to repair the alliance for Flint’s war, and he had to fight for his damn life completely outnumbered while he mostly sat and walked around the countryside miraculously unscathed. Now, just take your feelings out of the equation for a minute and honestly say, would you once again trust him? Last time was an epic fail! So now, Silver has every right to side eye the fuck out of Flint for even asking because everytime Flint says so, everything goes to shit. He’s be an idiot to continue to follow him down a path only he can see.

Back to Madi, the Underhill estate was the first encounter she had with the real world and it affected her severely so it pushed her to Flint who is the older wiser man of the world. He starts shoring up his new alliance. Silver is dead and he kept it moving. So Madi keeps referring to this one event that changed her mind about Flint. I don’t think Silver wants to kill Flint. If he couldn’t kill Billy, he’s not immediately thinking kill Flint. Outwit him and making the final call, yes. But not kill him.( Hands sure as hell does but he wants to kill everybody and Flint is in his spot) but he def isn’t following him anymore. As with all people, eventually you have your own ideas of what your life will be. Madi wants to lead her people but she is curious as John says and she is not meant to be hidden away. That was the biggest nod to the fact that Madi will indeed get her canon fate with Silver. So no worries there for me. She is going to come out of this more aware of what she wants. They paralled their story for a reason. Two crowns rising at the same time and neither not really made for the world in which they are the rulers of. Madi has conflicting desires and because of who she is she will maintain both.

Its soon to be Silver versus Flint and I already know the malarky about the be spewed so I wanted to get this long ass rant out so I don’t have to come back to the feeling. Flint has been dodging his comeuppance for a good long while now. Silver has done NOTHING wrong even when it has been clear his “friends” have been using them for their cause that he isn’t even invested in but out of love for them he tried to play the mediator. Now both men have made it clear the ONE THING he cherishes above all else is not as important as their own ends which is fine but I don’t know how anyone can blame him for choosing after thinking he lost her, this woman he loved more than anything. He could not even breathe thinking she died for nothing. The only reason he still stood next to Flint is because SHE could not have been wrong and died following this man.He was NOT OK without her. The Silver/Flint bond was destroyed the minute she was “gone” His tether means more to him than anything because it’s something he’s never had and spewing hate his way for this is just butthurt because you didn’t get your beloved ship. Fuck the ship. It’s about the characters and if you actually cared about anyone besides Flint you’d want him to have what you so badly want Flint to have. The hypocrisy is beyond ridiculous. Love Flint all you want but stop victimizing him.And stop trying to twist everything to produce your happy ending. Hell I may not get everything I want as well. But I am following the story as it is presented and what I know of the book and overall what TV shows do.

They don’t write based on peoples shifting ideas of whats happening in the show, They wrote this with an idea of connecting it to the book with the hope of in a few years actually doing a T.I. I see no reason to have a fake Madi death, only to reveal she’s alive just for her to say screw you Silver I got my own peeps and move on. Wishful thinking for some but for the still sane you get the gist.

“In the many sequels to Treasure Island Silver tends to be a more gentle rogue who always seems to do good in the end. We know in the end of Treasure Island, he manages to slip away with part of the treasure.”

“Long John Silver is unlike all the other pirates in this novel in two ways: he owns property and he has a wife. (Three if you count the fact that he's smart, and most of the others are total idiots.) Long John Silver is the legitimate owner of a pub in the coastal town of Bristol, and he's married to an African woman. (Stevenson calls this woman a derogatory term for a black woman; we won't reproduce it here because we find it offensive.) Neither of these facts takes up a huge amount of space in the novel, but they indicate something special about Long John Silver: he blurs boundaries.

Where the other pirates of the novel drink their fortunes away and go back to begging or crime all too quickly, Long John Silver is planning for the future. He's settling down and trying to become an actual gentleman, not just a gentleman of fortune. Even Israel Hands comments:

He's no common man, Barbecue, [...] He had good schooling in his young days, and can speak like a book when so minded. (10.14)”

“ For readers of Robert Louis Stevenson's day, Long John Silver's mixed-race marriage would have been a part of that mystery. He is married to an African woman at a time when mixed-race marriages were not common or even considered acceptable. So he lives both inside and outside the law. He owns property (inside the law), but is still a pirate (definitely outside the law). And he is married (inside the law), but to a woman of a different race (socially unacceptable in the 19th century). He breaks rules and challenges the simplistic binaries of good guy/bad guy in multiple ways, which makes him all the more alluring.”

This is LJS that many of us knew before this show started. The man who was both the light and dark. Who was Flint without falling prey to Flint’s demons. He has his tether. Madi remains.

http://www.shmoop.com/treasure-island-book/long-john-silver.html

http://pirates.hegewisch.net/whosilver.html

#silver x madi #long john silver #Black Sails

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uterusclub · 5 years

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As any Native Chicagoean can attest, the winter never fails to destroy our souls – at least temporarily so. But as that weary tail-end concludes, one gradually regains hope, energy, and enthusiasm. These are the trappings of no more woe.

Our first expedition involved a visit to the Otherworld Theatre Company to see a choose-your-own adventure style production of ‘Quest for Thrones.’ We were beckoned to make several decisions for the Game of Thrones characters which mostly involved death or killing and to no surprise of mine, our crowd was an outwardly, murdery bunch. So we got along just great. The only downside to the show was the mold-induced smell of the lobby area where I quite literally gawked around the room to see if anyone else was just as disturbed as I. They did not appear as such which daunts me even more. Following the very short but delightful show, we made our way home but the night just didn’t feel complete. So we made a stop-off. Well, 2, actually. Sharon had demanded a hot dog the entire day so we stopped at my beloved Susie’s and then headed a few blocks down to my treasured karaoke joint, Sidekicks! It had been quite some time since my last sing so it was well-overdue. Upon arrival, we noted several people already singing which took me by surprise. While Sharon hit the bano, I was met by my long-time waitress friend who’s name I can’t completely remember – Christine – Christina? Christy? Something like that. I’m horrible. In any case, she offered me a mis-remembered test-tube shot (Sex on the Beach) to which I declined (my favorite is the Buttery Nipple) and ordered us a few drinks. I immediately trolled through the song book to figure out my agenda which, let’s be honest, is usually the same couple songs. Due to low attendance, I was announced very quickly. The night continued much the same aside from several interruptions from ‘the mutants at table 9’ who attempted to Facebook us (we DID give them Uterus Club as our contact but perhaps they considered this a joke as nothing ever came of it). We had met our end all be all of interactions with these folks when one of them dedicated a song to me. It was at this point, we slipped out, past the bouncer and I quite literally ran to my car even though Sharon had my keys and fumbled around for horror-movie record time. Surely, we would have been killed. Regardless, wonderful, hilarious night.

Onward. Sharon has been madly obsessed with a man by the name of Max Frost whom she played a few songs of a little while back. She missed a previous concert of his as my schedule wouldn’t allow it but recently discovered he was once again, back in Chicago! Naturally, she grabbed tickets and demanded (or rather, asked super nicely) we go. The last time we had been to Subterranean in Wicker Park was for Allison Weiss which was a blast! I recalled our hanging out on the upstairs area and peering down at the entire performance. Max Frost was equally rewarding in this sense. Unfortunately, getting awesome seats around the threshold of the upstairs area meant getting there early and listening to the opener – a girl we had already pre-researched and were not impressed with. Ironically, she ended up sounding way better live. Further irony kicked in when we discovered there was an ADDITIONAL opener who no one knew! THIS guy? Oh man. This was your stereotypical, dirty hipster trying-to-be-real with the ‘people’ who attempted to be deep and introspective while sitting on stage without shoes on. Absolutely horrendous! It should come as no surprise that we were a tad bit ecstatic when Max Frost FINALLY showed up on stage. Yes, we were ecstatic for approximately five songs and then all fizzled out into exhaustion. Capping the night and our very classy ride home via the most wonderful CTA, we listened to a homeless man reflect on his rejection of a plus-sized lady whom he compared to several, large animals. Always an adventure.

But wait. There’s more. ‘March madness’ couldn’t possibly be complete without a little festive shout-out to the Irish. And we went all out people. Having said that, I believe I’m some ridiculously low percentage Irish but I’ve also BEEN to Ireland so I think I get a free pass on that one. In any case, Sharon suggested we hit up the downtown dying of the river in the morning since neither of us had actually seen it live. Sure, the videos are fun but it couldn’t possibly be the same. So bright and early, we headed downtown to park and walk over to one of them many bridges to catch a peek. I had no goddamn idea shit was going to be that cray! Seriously, it was college town USA and like, early. The only good part of the situation is that everyone was very merry but not obnoxiously so (yet). The bad part of the situation is that the color saturation hadn’t exactly made itself evident enough from our viewpoint and therefore, we saw a little bit of green far off in the distance. Major fail. Our follow-up idea was to hit up Public House for their themed

cake shakes, however, we later realized it was already privatized for some wrist-band drinking event all morning and not open to the public! So we hit up the ‘poor man’s’ Public House ie. JoJo’s Milk Bar. The place was small and unimpressive to say the least. Sharon ordered us a ‘shake’ which was sad. We took a few obligatory sips before headed out. Next stop? Milwaukee! That’s right!

There’s absolutely no musical I love more than Phantom of the Opera. I legit have this shit memorized. On our way up to Milwaukee, I googled us a place to stop and eat nearby before the show. The Internet gods brought us to Ale Aslyum Riverhouse. It’s difficult to explain the complete awe of driving from a crazed downtown Chicago to a completely abandoned downtown Milwaukee. Streets were desolute! We had apparently come to the right place. Upon grabbing a quick lunch and Sharon randomly bumping into an ex-client of hers, we made our way to the Marcus Performing Arts Center. As usual, I had completely forgot what sort of seats I had purchased us but apparently I did well since we ended up in the back row on the end of the aisle. The performance was most enjoyable – although some of the singing was a bit inconsistent and I think we both spent a questionable amount of time wondering what the race of the Phantom was. We stayed long enough to hear by favorite trio part before seamlessly ducking out and venturing over to one last stop before home: Mars Cheese Castle. To say this place is anything other than completely overwhelming would be a lie. We came away with a few bags of curds and not much more due to ambivalence. Next time I’ll do some research.

St. Patrick’s Day! The OFFICIAL! Our festivities for the day mainly included eating and drinking. Oh yes, we also threw in a little Boondock Saints as well and some Pandora Irish playlist to accompany our cooking. Menu included Guinesse drumsticks, spinach puff-pastry shamrocks, mashed cauliflower and corned-beef eggrolls. Don’t forget, topping off our day-drinking of Magners Hard Cider which was doused with a few drops of green food coloring! We completed the meal with alcohol cupcakes purchased the night before at the previously mentioned Mars Cheese Castle. And that’s a wrap!

So guess what? We loved Milwaukee SO much that we decided to visit it AGAIN! But THIS time, we really meant business. First stop? Plato’s Closet. It’s tradition after all. Next stop? A little Milwaukee Burger Company. Ginormous, Deep-fried cheese curd cubes, anyone? Stomach – my apologies but worth it. Where to now? Our most beloved Lost Valley Cider Co. where we met an Irish wolf dog who was HUGE and wonderful! We also got our hands on a peanut butter and jelly cider as well as a Hibiscus cider we enjoyed so much we ordered some to go!

Catching a nice buzz now, we made our way to Swing Park where a bunch of hoodlums roamed and I tried to do fancy moves for photographic integrity. Sharon captured what appears to be a child abduction in progress which is absolutely priceless. Our journey now took us to the Villa Terrace Decorative Arts Museum which, not gonna lie, I didn’t know anything about and frankly, still don’t. But it was pretty and had a cheap Groupon and had a fantastic view! Finalizing our self-guided tour here, we finally headed to our haunted (that’s right), Bed and Breakst: Brumder Mansion.

We were met by innkeeper, Tom who was an absolute joy! Unfortunately, he didn’t give us much intel to go on as far as ghosts were concerned – only to say there were 13 and none sounded menacing (how very disappointing). He also mentioned there being some children that tend to fidget with items left out if you ask them to which Sharon left out a ridiculous amount of things. I’ll save you the suspense – nothing was moved. In any case, we hung out for a little while before heading out for our dinner reservation at the Pasta Tree. This has always been a favorite of mine, however, both service and food was mediocre at best for some reason. We followed up dinner with drinks at a nearby Irish bar by the name of Paddy’s Pub which ended up being one of my favorite parts of our trip! Decor was beautiful and sweet and the employees were homey and gracious.

The pinnacle of this trip was our finalized stop-off at the Oriental Theater to see a viewing of the Room with actor/director/writer, Tommy Wiseau present! The line for this event was literally down the street and around the corner! It took me a second to realize that Tommy was signing autographs and taking pictures BEFORE the actual showing so we jumped ship from our spots in line to meet the man himself who was kind and sweet (and apparently dug my tattoos). After re-joining our original line, we eventually made our way back into the theater and headed up to the balcony for anti-social viewing. Oh! And I mustn’t forget the spoons. While we had been in line outside, someone was passing out handfuls of plastic spoons which we didn’t take out of confusion – only to research and later discover it was a ‘thing’ that went along with the movie. Our bad. Next time! Show was scheduled to start at 9:30pm. Show started at, I’m going to say 10:45pm after all the delay and opening shenanigans. We were tired as all hell. And made it just about 15 minutes into the movie before calling it a night. Unfortunately, leaving out of the theater, Sharon predicted Tommy might be hanging out in the lobby and of course, lo and behold, there he blew! Goddamnit! So we attempted to casually saunter out only to be met with a very saddened, ‘Where you going? Home?” It actually broke my heart. Poor Tommy. Heading back to the B&B, we both eventually passed out and roused for our adorable breakfast. Parting fairly quickly after our meal, we had a final, triumphant stop off at the Potawatomi Hotel and Casino and endeavored in a little morning Bingo. Again, I’ll save you the suspense – we didn’t win. And I’m sure I demanded vengeance per usual.

Wrapping up the wonderful month of March was our visit to the United Center to see Mumford and Sons! I had purchased tickets for Sharon for her birthday back in February. She had been talking about wanting to see them for as long as I can remember. It was only after I had purchased said tickets that she vocalized her hatred of their latest album. Fortunately, they didn’t play much of it. As a precursor to the show, we stopped

off at Viaggio for some Italian dinner. Twas splendid! We then took a buzzed walk over to the show and awed over the comfort and view of our seats! No one in front of us and at the end of the aisle! Cat Power was the opener who I am familiar with but don’t know much about. I described her as ‘more depressing than Aimee Mann’ which Sharon could barely wrap her head around. Crowd became super anxious as a result but as soon as

Mumford showed up, the energy was electric! I’ve never been the hugest fan of theirs but I will say they put on a damn, fine show! Again, left after a handful of songs but know, I would have stayed til the end. And as we left, drenched in the cold rain whoring our make-up, I knew that this and everything else had all been worth the wait.

Oh Hi, March As any Native Chicagoean can attest, the winter never fails to destroy our souls - at least temporarily so.

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