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#lotr shitposts
entishramblings · 6 days ago
Merry: where are you going?
Pippin: to get mushrooms or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there.
Merry: well why not both at the same time?
Pippin: now that is why we are friends!
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entishramblings · 6 days ago
Legolas: Hey Aragorn!
Aragorn: Yes?
Legolas: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?
Aragorn: ...
Aragorn: Where’s Gimli?!
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entishramblings · 7 days ago
Pippin: hmm this chicken is good!
Pippin: so is the broth!
Pippin: what do you know about necromancy?
Gandalf, spitting his soup: WHAT?!
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entishramblings · 7 days ago
Gimli: Have you ever heard of the word ‘sorry’?
Legolas: No, is that another word you made up?
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entishramblings · 9 days ago
Legolas: what did you do? I said distract them, not knock them out!!
Gimli: there’s just no pleasing you sometimes.
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entishramblings · 10 days ago
Pippin: sometimes two heads are better than one!
Gandalf: yes, but not when one of them is yours.
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entishramblings · 14 days ago
Legolas, struggling to keep upright in 1 inch heels: Yeah, I-I don’t really think heels are for me...
Thranduil, walking flawlessly in sparkly red 6 inch heels: you’re WEAK!
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entishramblings · 14 days ago
Frodo: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.
Samwise: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.
Frodo: Absolutely not.
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entishramblings · 14 days ago
Aragorn: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.
Legolas: Killed without hesitation.
Aragorn: No.
Aragorn: *pauses*
Aragorn: Is—is Mirkwood really that bad now?
Legolas: Yes.
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entishramblings · 20 days ago
Pippin: I know I don’t act my age!
Pippin: I’ve never been this age before!
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entishramblings · 21 days ago
one thing I love from the lotr movies is at the council boromir is like, “who tf is this mf who thinks he knows shit??? no one has ever even seen him before???” And then fucking Legolas gets his pine-tree ass up and it’s like “ARAGORN SON OF ARATHORN!!!” And Aragorn face is just....”godfuckingdamnitlegolas!! There’s a reason I go by strider!!! I. Don’t. Want. People. To. Know. Who. I. Am.” And Legolas is like oopsie daisy! too late now!! cats out of the bag!!
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entishramblings · 21 days ago
Gandalf: pass the salt please
Pippin: *hands him an apple*
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entishramblings · 21 days ago
LOTR/TH Characters as things my Art Professor has said
Pippin: I’m gonna burry my art in a lead coffin 40 feet under the earth for the aliens.
Legolas, looking at Aragorn who is just coming back from falling off the edge of a cliff: I love this sorta...uh...tortured look you got going on there
Thranduil: Have you ever shopped for furniture? Oh it’s terrific! LIES! No one has any fucking taste in this country!!
Gandalf, loosing count of the dwarves: Fuck it. That’s what it’s gonna be.
Thorin: If you can’t get inspired, get fucking mad!
Merry: I’ve pulled stuff out of the trash.
Aragorn, looking at Legolas: It’s like a beautiful person—they might be pretty, but they can’t string together two sentences.
Èomer: That’s some fucking bullshit art right there!!
Kili: If your like me, when you leave college, you’re gonna be kinda fucked.
Bufor, talking to Bilbo: You can do whatever you want. Fuck it. Go to a salad bar and take one piece of lettuce.
Gollum: Don’t scream at us and try and punch us in the head all the time!
Boromir, looking at Sam as they pack for the mission: If you’re a control freak, bring ya meds with you because you might freak out.
Thorin, looking at Kili: You think people get better but then you see this...what the hell happened?!
Bombur: This is life: one humiliation after the other.
Elrond: You all are so young. You have no culture. You have nothing. You are little children.
Gimli, looking at Legolas who is shaking out the stones in his boot: oh...the delicacy of those toes
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entishramblings · 27 days ago
Legolas: Ugh! I can’t think straight!
Aragorn: That’s because you aren’t straight, Legolas.
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entishramblings · 28 days ago
The fellowship as book dedication pages that no one asked for
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