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#lotr incorrect quotes
hetaczechia · 5 minutes ago
Merry: I can't believe you ate it.
Pippin: It said free samples!
Merry: It was lipstick!
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hetaczechia · 8 minutes ago
Frodo: Sam and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at me--
Aragorn [sighing]: What did Sam do?
Frodo: He chased them down to the next red light, then reached into his window and...
Sam: Who wants a steering wheel?
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hetaczechia · 16 minutes ago
Éomer: please don’t
Merry: it’ll impress her
Éomer: no it won’t
Merry: [wheels over to Éowyn on his chair pretending to paddle canoe]
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hetaczechia · 20 minutes ago
Pippin, running into the room: it's missing!
Diamond: what's missing?!
Pippin: the little thing!
Diamond, turning to face him whilst hugging Faramir: what?
Pippin: oh, there it is.
Diamond: you meant Faramir?!
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hetaczechia · 23 minutes ago
Sam: Is there a word that’s a mix between angry and sad?
Merry: Malcontented, disgruntled, miserable, desolate…
Pippin: Smad.
Frodo: There are two types of people.
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hetaczechia · 27 minutes ago
Lindir: Ahhhh... I haven't felt this relaxed since-
Dwarves, running by completely naked: GOOD MORNING WORLD!!!
Lindir: aaaand it's over.
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hetaczechia · 33 minutes ago
Aragorn: you three, explain right now!
Frodo: it was Pippin.
Sam: it was Pippin.
Merry: it was Pippin.
Pippin: ...fuck.
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hetaczechia · 38 minutes ago
Éowyn: Our can opener is broken.
Merry: So it’s a can’t opener?
Éowyn: I can’t believe I married you.
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incorrect-lotr-trash · 2 hours ago
Bilbo, walking in the room: Hey Frodo, whats the routine for today? Frodo: well usually I wake up and I suffer Bilbo: Bilbo: Do you, uh, want to talk about it? Frodo: nope Bilbo: oh valar, Thorin, he’s turning into you
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elvish-sky · 9 hours ago
Aragorn: You lost a lot of blood and passed out. Do you remember anything?
Merry: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.
Legolas: That wasn’t an ambulance. I drove you.
Merry: But I heard a siren.
Aragorn: That was Boromir.
Boromir: I was WORRIED.
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entishramblings · 9 hours ago
Merry: where are you going?
Pippin: to get mushrooms or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there.
Merry: well why not both at the same time?
Pippin: now that is why we are friends!
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entishramblings · 10 hours ago
Legolas: Hey Aragorn!
Aragorn: Yes?
Legolas: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?
Aragorn: ...
Aragorn: Where’s Gimli?!
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[at the Preventers agency potluck]
Duo: Mini cupcakes?!
Duo: As in the mini version of regular cupcakes? 
Duo: Which is already a mini version of cake?
Wufei, to Sally: I told you not to get store bought, he’s going to be on about this all night.
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Gimli: If you think about it, "It's Raining Men" and "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" could be about the same event but from different perspectives.
Aragorn: Gimli, I'm begging you to stop--
Legolas: Let him finish.
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meteors-lotr · 17 hours ago
Bard: Why are there small hand prints on the walls?
Thranduil, whispering to Tilda: Why are there small hand prints on the walls?
Tilda: Because I have small hands!
Thranduil: Because she has small hands.
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Barliman Butterbur: Okay, guys, who wanted the macaroni and bees?
The Hobbits: ...
Sam: mean cheese?
Barliman Butterbur, struggling to keep the bowl covered: That does make more sense, actually.
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incorrect-lotr-trash · 18 hours ago
Boromir: We should appreciate the small things in life. Boromir: *picks up Merry* Boromir: You are appreciated. Merry: Put me down or I will kill you
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growingingreenwood · 22 hours ago
Thranduil: Sometimes when I'm trying to discipline Legolas, I can hear my Adar's voice so clearly within my mind that it's almost like he's with me again, even though I know it cannot be true.
Celeborn: Laughing at you?
Thranduil, nodding: Hysterically
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