Lost Without You by cloudyjenn
Rating: Teen
Word count: 16k
The last time Dean saw Castiel, he promised Dean he would hold off the attack of archangels. That was four years ago. Now, just when Dean thinks he's been given a second chance, a demon and Castiel's memory loss threaten to keep them apart for good.
An oldie but goldie. Set (and written) after the end of season 4, a man with no memory shows up at the doorstep of a church. With no idea about who he is or how he got there, the man adopts the name Lawrence - the only word he can recall - and starts a new life in that small town in Nebraska. Four years later, Dean and Sam show up in that same town, drawn by a series of murders. And so, Cas and Dean meet again.
This fic is *chef's kiss*. It may seem short, but let me tell you, it's so well-plotted and written that it will surely fill up your destiel-starved tank. It holds a special place in my heart for featuring early-seasons Dean and Cas and their exploding chemistry. Every scene these two are together just vibrates with pining and longing. Even though Castiel has lost his memory, his feelings for Dean are as strong as ever, and Dean's reaction to finding his angel again after years of believing him gone and grieving is just heart-breaking. But their troubles don't end with their reunion. They still need to find out what caused Castiel's amnesia and cure it. And there's still the matter of those murders.
It's been 2 years since you died. I can't believe you've been gone that long. It feels like I just saw you, and yet it seems like it's been an eternity since we last spoke. We texted every day and called each other often, so when you left, I felt it hard. For months afterward, I constantly checked my phone, looking for a text from you. It was out of habit. When my phone would ring or ding, I had to remind myself it wasn't you. When I would daydream about trips I was planning to take, I remembered there weren't going to be any trips to visit you. I miss you so much it hurts, but I'm glad you could finally find peace.
lost without you from trail to oregon is the most heart wrenching song ever written. i don’t even know which lyric to insert in here to back up my point it’s the whole thing that cracks you into pieces. she starts out with your typical surface level complaints about the cart and the journey and she seems almost nonchalant about her situation but as the song goes on you can see it’s all a facade and she’s trying to hide how badly the separation from her family is tearing her apart. at her roots she reverts back to leaning on her family, she’s just a kid after all. she’s using what little autonomy and control she has to collect these memories in honour of her family. you hear all her recount all the spots she dreamed of visiting and all the excitement she held previously is gone as they don’t mean anything to her all alone. it was her family that tied her whole world together and now they’re gone and she’s clinging at scraps of hope that they can hear her, begging the trail to lead her back home, dreaming up a scenario where she takes control of her own destiny and gets to go home. she’s desperate, she is so so broken at this point and by the end of the song that careful cover of being okay has slipped and you can see her teeming with awful acceptance that her old life truly will never be hers again. a quiet forlorn acknowledgement that her family, the only world she has ever known, are essentially lost forever. who is she without them? that’s all she has left. she knows that hope she holds is only hope and yet she can’t let it go because she’s got nothing to live for without it. she’s just a girl who misses her parents and her brother and doesn’t know what to do in this world alone. and all in a musical about the oregon trail. i am going to be sick it’s the saddest song in the entire starkid catalogue and i will always break down in tears whenever it comes on.