Month 10 - Leafbare
Scorch was antsy. The world seemed to be both slipping out of her reach and closing in all around her at the same time.
Ever since Nightfrost’s funeral, Yarrowshade hadn’t so much as tried to speak to her outside of what was necessary for patrols. A guilty voice in the back of her head said, “this is your fault. You drove him away.” She tried to shrug it off. If she had managed to drive him away so easily then she didn’t need him in her life anyway. Still, her heart sank every time his gaze found her and then moved immediately away.
After Russetfrond had returned with the news of the mouse tail, new evidence of Razor’s hunters had come in every day. Paw prints in the snow came up to the border but almost never crossed it. They left bits of prey where it could be found, never more than a mouthful but enough to make the point clear - he was going to starve the Clans out until they either gave in to his demands or became weak enough that he could take what he wanted by force.
She had seen him do it before on a smaller scale. He would forbid cats from sharing food with an individual until they came to him on their bellies begging for forgiveness. It always worked, without fail, and seeing someone suffer like that was a good incentive for other cats to stay on his good side, her included.
It was only a matter of time before he came scratching at their door, so to speak, and it made her want to head for the hills. If she left in the night, how far could she make it before sunrise? No… She would surely freeze, and that, she told herself, was the only reason she didn’t go.
Goldenstar crossed the camp towards her and she almost laughed at herself. What a pathetic liar you are.
“Hey,” Goldenstar said, “You doing alright?” Goldenstar seemed nervous, which she had been ever since Scorch had stormed off and come back to camp late at night. It was like she’d been walking on eggshells, afraid that if she said the wrong thing Scorch would storm off again and never come back. Given her prior train of thought, Scorch supposed it wasn’t an unrealistic assumption, but still, it was a little annoying. She almost preferred Razor’s heavy-pawed attempts to keep eyes on her over whatever this was - at least that she understood and could anticipate.
“I’m fine,” she shrugged. “A bit restless.”
“Do you want to go hunting?” Goldenstar offered, chewing her lip. Scorch managed to keep her expression impassive but the nervousness was starting to irritate her.
“I suppose,” she said, glancing away. Goldenstar shuffled awkwardly. What had happened to her? Scorch had no idea what had transformed the brash and careless cat who had welcomed her into such a simpering kit but she didn’t like it. She really hoped it had nothing to do with her connection to Razor. Surely, Goldenstar wasn’t trying to avoid his wrath by treading carefully with her.
“Um, okay,” Goldenstar said after a beat. “I was thinking we could try the creek, see if there’s anything around.”
Scorch sighed and stretched, arching her tail over her head with a disinterested yawn. “Sure, why not. Maybe we’ll see a single bird.” Goldenstar gave a breathy laugh and Scorch barely stopped herself from frowning. Ugh, why was she being so insufferable?
“Hopefully we’ll catch more than that,” said Goldenstar as they started out of camp.
“We’ll have to see,” shrugged Scorch. “I’d hate to have to fight Fogkit for my evening meal.” Goldenstar laughed again, this time more genuinely, and Scorch allowed herself to smile.
“Yeah,” she said, “we’d all starve! That Fogkit could take the whole Clan on single-pawed.” Scorch huffed a laugh through her nose and tried to pretend that things were normal again.
“We could outwit her, I think,” she said. “Our brains together, she wouldn’t stand a chance.”
“Yeah,” Goldenstar said with that same breathy laugh and Scorch’s smile faded. Dammit. Sighing, she turned her face forward to focus on the cold ground ahead of her. The snow had mostly melted except for where it laid in shadow or had fallen particularly thickly and the world was a stretch of ugly brown grass and frozen mud which did nothing to help her sour mood.
Goldenstar fell quiet, possibly sensing her annoyance, and, for a moment, Scorch wanted to apologize but she killed that thought immediately. Goldenstar was the one being weird, why should she feel bad for being rightfully upset?
For a while they walked in silence until Goldenstar spoke up again. “Uh, hey. I’m sorry.”
“What for?” Scorch glanced at her with an aloof lift of her brows.
“Uh, I don’t know,” Goldenstar laughed nervously. “For being weird? I can’t help but feel like you’re mad at me.”
Scorch briefly considered denying it but decided she didn’t have the energy. “I mean, a bit yeah. You keep acting like you’re afraid you’ll upset me. It’s annoying.” She ignored the fact that she had done the same thing for months. At least she had the good sense to try and hide it.
“Oh,” Goldenstar winced. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“Why?” Scorch asked.
“Huh?”
Scorch shook her head with another sigh. “Why have you been acting so weird? Is it because I’m not talking to Yarrowshade?”
“No,” Goldenstar shook her head, “although you probably should.”
“He seems content to forget about me,” Scorch rolled her eyes.
“Maybe,” Goldenstar said, “But I think he’s just being an idiot.”
“Him?” Scorch feigned disbelief. “No…”
Goldenstar laughed and said, “I know, I know, but it's true. He tends to deal with his problems by pretending they don’t exist.”
“I see,” Scorch hummed. “I didn’t realize I had become one of his problems.”
Goldenstar blushed and hurriedly tried to say, “Oh, I didn’t mean-”
Scorch cut her off. “I know what you meant. It was a joke.”
“Oh.” Goldenstar blushed harder. “Sorry.” Scorch sighed under her breath and flicked an ear to dismiss the topic. She couldn’t find the energy to come up with a verbal response. Goldenstar continued, “But also, I told him to give you some space and I think he’s taking it the wrong way.”
“Why did you say that?” Scorch tilted her head, intrigued.
“He explained that you were upset that he chose Nightfrost over you and I told him to just give you some time.”
“He said that?” Scorch frowned skeptically.
“Well… Not exactly.” Goldenstar winced. “He said you were ignoring him and he didn’t know why but when he described when it started I kind of put the pieces together.” That revelation made Scorch’s chest tighten. She hadn’t realized Goldenstar could read her so accurately. It made sense but it still made her uncomfortable in her own skin, like someone had suddenly torn away the cardboard box she was hiding behind, leaving her exposed on the cold, empty street.
“Mm,” was all she said.
“He cares a lot about you,” Goldenstar tried gently. “He didn’t realize he was being asked to choose, you know.”
Scorch’s ear twitched. “The choices we make unconsciously are often the most revealing.”
“And sometimes they aren’t actual choices,” Goldenstar said. “Not everything is all or nothing. Yarrowshade loved Nightfrost and he loves you. Those things can both be true at once.”
Scorch found anger building in her jaw. “I don’t recall asking for a lecture, Goldie.”
“Sorry,” Goldenstar sighed. “I just hate to see you two fighting.”
“So don’t watch,” Scorch said.
“It’s not that simple,” Goldenstar said with characteristic stubbornness. “What am I supposed to do when you decide that I have to choose between you and Yarrowshade? Or you and Russetfrond? Am I supposed to abandon my friends to make you happy?”
“Maybe,” Scorch shrugged, feeling contrary. She knew that was unreasonable but so what? Maybe she wanted to hear someone would choose her over another every time! Was that so selfish?
Definitionally, said the voice in her head.
Fine, she thought back, maybe I’m selfish, then.
“You don’t really think that,” Goldenstar said and Scorch felt like she was hoping saying it would make it true.
“So what if I do?” she said, quickening her stride. “Does that make me a monster?”
“No,” Goldenstar said, keeping pace, “I just feel like you would be upset if I asked you to do the same.”
“Then you don’t really know me,” Scorch said. “If you asked me to choose between two people I would choose myself every time.”
“Scorch…” Goldenstar murmured.
“I always have,” she pressed on. “Just ask your precious ‘Aldertail’. I am nothing if not consistent.”
She didn’t know why she was saying this. Her throat was starting to tighten in anticipatory grief, almost like her body was trying to stop her voice from reaching Goldenstar’s ears. Still she continued for some reason. Maybe, she thought, this would be the last straw and Goldenstar would finally show Scorch exactly who she would choose. At least then she would know the truth, be able to be confident that she wasn’t being lied to.
“People can change,” Goldenstar said, leaning closer. “I’ve always believed that.”
Scorch laughed in her face. “You have no idea how little you know, Goldie. Cats don’t change.”
“They can,” Goldenstar pressed, her eyes painfully compassionate. “If given a reason to, they can decide to be different. To be better.”
“Well, we’ll have to agree to disagree,” Scorch said tersely. “Look, there’s the creek.” Goldenstar turned to spot the little trickle of water running between a few small trees and sighed in defeat. Scorch grinned triumphantly but the victory was hollow. She couldn’t help but wish Goldenstar was right. Sadly, she knew the truth. She could not change just like Ghost could not change, just like Razor could not change. They were creatures of habit, all of them.
We deserve each other, she thought bitterly.
Without another word, the two of them split off to go hunting along the creek bed. It was unpleasant work, especially in places where the mud was less frozen than expected and squelched in between her freezing toes.
Goldenstar managed to catch a vole and Scorch felt sick when she turned around to grin proudly at her before she remembered their argument and the smile fell off her face. It’s alright! she wanted to say, Forgive me for what I said! Please love me again! Some prideful stubbornness kept her lips sealed.
She wandered southward along the creek, her mouth open to the scents of water plants and little beasts. Yarrowshade and Barleypaw had been here recently, Sagetooth and Pantherhaze sometime before then. She turned away from the creek, towards the EarthClan border, hoping to find a space free from reminders of her Clanmates.
“Hey, don’t go too far!” Goldenstar called but she didn’t listen. She wanted to be alone. Maybe Goldenstar would take her own advice and give her some space. The sound of pawsteps behind her implied the opposite. She quickened her pace.
As she walked, a new smell reached her jaws. It was familiar and meaty, the kind of meat that humans liked, with vegetables and sauce and a funny aftertaste. The familiarity drew her in like a warm blanket. In all of the frustrating novelty of her situation, some cheap familiarity seemed just the thing to ease her mind. Ahead of her, on a little blue dish in the back of a silver trap, she located the source of the smell. She padded up to it, pacing around the trap, sniffing at the food from the other side of the bars. The smell was so pungent it made her mouth water.
“Scorch!” Goldenstar cried, bounding up beside her. “What are you doing?!”
“Hunting,” Scorch purred smugly, eyes locked on her target. Tentatively, she poked at the back of the trap. Every so often, she had been able to pry the back off just enough to scatter the food on the dish and get a bite.
“That’s not hunting, it's one of those things that took Toadpaw!” Goldenstar hissed quietly, glancing around like a human would swoop down on them any second. The back of the trap was solid and, not wanting to get her leg stuck, Scorch began stalking towards the entrance of the trap.
“It’s got food in it, doesn’t it?” Scorch asked. “Trust me, I’ve dealt with these before, I know what I’m doing.” She poked her head inside and sniffed around. Sometimes, there was a trail of food leading you deeper but it seemed like the folk had been sparing with their lure.
“W- Don’t go inside it!” Goldenstar squeaked in distress.
“You’re adorable,” Scorch laughed, causing Goldenstar to blush deeply. “Look, as long as I don’t touch the ground in the back, I’ll be fine. Watch and learn.” Carefully, she crept into the trap, sniffing cautiously at each step before she took it.
“Scorch, please come out,” Goldenstar begged, hovering nearby.
“No, I don’t think I will,” hummed Scorch. She craned her neck forward to try and reach the dish. Sometimes the food was close enough you could snag the whole dish without getting caught but it seemed like the folk who set this trap had thought of that too. She frowned.
“It’s not worth it,” Goldenstar fretted. “We’ll catch more prey, we don’t need the two-leg food.”
“Can you please be quiet and let me think?” Scorch snapped, turning her head to glare at Goldenstar. Instantly, she knew she had made a mistake. The foot she had been carefully lifting had come down on the paper covering. She had been closer than she’d realized. The trap had been triggered.
The cage rattled as it closed and both she and Goldenstar leapt in fright at the sound. Somewhere off to the side, Scorch heard the sound of humans chattering. She grit her teeth and sighed through her nose. Stupid. Careless. Why had she done that? Something about Goldenstar managed to slip right past her logical brain and it had finally come back to bite her.
“Oh, no,” Goldenstar mumbled, staring with the most miserable expression. “No, no, no, this is my fault! Scorch, I’m so sorry, I- I didn’t mean to-” She pressed her paws up against the cage, searching its bars for a weakness to exploit or a way to get her free.
“Shut up, you moron,” Scorch sighed, pursing her lips against a bitter-sweet smile. Goldenstar looked up at her, tears beading along the bridge of her nose.
“Scorch, I-” she swallowed. Her mouth formed the shapes of several words before it settled on, “I’ll get you out of here. I promise, okay? I’ll find a way. I’m not going to leave you.” Scorch’s gut twisted when she realized she believed that Goldenstar meant it. She struggled to keep her own eyes from welling with tears.
“I know,” she lied with complete confidence. Her mind raced as a plan began to form. “You should go back to camp. Find someone else, someone strong. We might be able to pry it open if we have enough cat power.”
“Okay,” Goldenstar sniffed, smiling through her tears. “I will. I’ll be right back, just sit tight, okay?”
“Okay,” Scorch said. “I’ll be right here.” Goldenstar nodded and raced away, paws pounding over the dead grass as she disappeared up the hill. Once she had vanished from sight, Scorch let out a sigh and hunkered down to wait. The humans would be upon her soon. They were never far from the traps, especially in the winter. She could already hear them approaching from the trees that marked the border with EarthClan. At least, she thought, Goldenstar was long gone. She knew she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself if her mistake got the Clan's leader taken as well. Unlike Scorch, Goldenstar had cats who needed her.
Two humans arrived, crooning to her gently and talking softly between themselves. Scorch looked up at them and tried to smile in the most inviting way she could.
“Please,” she begged, the image of a polite and gentle cat, “have mercy.”
One of the humans produced a blanket and threw it over her cage, plunging the world into darkness. She sighed and braced herself for whatever was to come. It was nice while it lasted, she thought.
UPDATES:
- While hunting with Goldenstar, Scorchplume is caught in a two-leg trap and taken away.
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