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thanatoseyes · 1 year

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No one asked for this.

I keep thinking about my hallucinations. The time I spent in the hospital. They were vivid and visceral. They happened in waves, matching the mood I was in and the delusion my brain entertained at the time.

There are only really about four that I remember correctly. If there are more they are lost to me.

I was sitting alone in a room. I'm honestly not really sure what kind of room it was, but it was in the hospital and it was right next to the nurses' station. I was just staring at the floor. My thoughts flying a mile a minute. I was in danger. I was going to be killed. I was going to die. There were people out to get me. There was something wrong. There was something inside me that needed to get out. I was dying. I was alone. I was everything and nothing at the same time. There was a voice. Two voices. They didn't have their own circadian rhythm. They were just abstract thoughts coalesced at the back of my mind. They told me things. That the hospital wasn't a hospital. That the patients weren't patients. I don't think it helped that the person in the room across from me was strapped to a gurney and screaming about the rapture. So, it wasn't a hospital. It was a chamber for my own destruction. The first voice I'll name FB. He was mischievous and the intent behind him was malicious. He told me lies. Everything he said was a lie. The people in the next room wanted me dead. The nurse that had just entered was chosen. There was a second voice. They were angry, so very angry. A monster really. They made everything worse. I don't know how long I sat there, but I moved to the floor at some point. And these voices FB and the second voice, I'll call them, Nott, these voices taunted me. Made everything I was feeling worse.

The second time, I was in inpatient care. I think it had been at least a week. I couldn't tell time in there. Of course there were screens and clocks in the nurses hub, but whenever I looked at them the screens would flicker or I'd read the date and time and not believe it, so looking at it was useless. I thought I was somewhere else when i was actually there and everyone was someone else. I didn't trust myself and I didn't trust anyone around me. It was like everyone was in a play and they were playing their part. I also don't think it helped that my mother had gifted me two Shakespeare books. (one for tragedies and one for comedies). I'd pick random passages and read them to myself. It was like picking out a needle in a haystack but you knew exactly where the needle was and where it needed to be. They held secret meanings behind the page and the voices liked that. Thrived on my emotions. Inciting turmoil within me. I was so sure that this reality I had found myself had a way out I just hadn't found it yet. But the hallucination. It had to do with everyone playing their part. A certain phrase got stuck in my head. Line of sight. I couldn't figure out what that meant, but it was important. It had something to do with why I was in the hospital. And then it clicked. Someone else outside was trying to kill my roommate in the clinic. She was special and had to be removed. I kept an eye on her and the windows. Made sure she was never in any danger. I think it helped that I never voiced these fears and she was a very kind and open person. She sat down in our doorway. And the voices were quiet. The nurses milled about. The other patients were doing their own thing. And I was shot in her place. There was blood pooling at my stomach. Everything felt cold and wet and I felt my stomach and nothing was there. It freaked me out.

The third time, I had been there about two and a half weeks. Maybe, again time is relative. I wasn't really sleeping and I walked around all day. Everything blended together. I was woken up by a nurse. She insisted I take the pills. She had a heavy accent and her eyes were cold. I'm sure now that she was on the end of her shift and had been putting out fires for most of the night, but I had just woken up and I was afraid. Of what? Well, the new delusion that week was that someone wanted to destroy the building that I was in. I don't know who this mysterious entity was, but they wanted this place gone and me dead. And FB was happy about that and Nott seemed to be indifferent. The nurse shoved a cup of water into my hand and said I needed to take the medicine. I knew at that moment that that wasn't medicine. They were bullets disguised as medicine. Everyone was going to take them and everyone would end up dead. She insisted I take them. So I put them in my mouth but I didn't swallow. I put them under my tongue. She made me open my mouth. She found them. She insisted I take them. And I was so tired. And I just wanted some peace and quiet. So I took the medicine. I felt it slide down my throat thick and impossibly large and cold. I nearly gagged on them but I got them down. I felt sick and nauseous. I lived obviously. And no one died.

The fourth time was near the end of my stay. The voices had all but disappeared. People had shifted around the place. New faces, new nurses. It was a whole new experience which just fucked with my head. I felt like I couldn't really hang on to the delusions. It was all fading. The drugs were probably working. But I still felt off. There wasn't something quite right. The paranoia still sunk in. The ever present otherness of the situation still stuck. Everyone hated me. It was night time. There were people making phone calls, obviously they were discussing events that would happen. Were yet to happen. It was all in the patterns. I was feeling off. Like a part of me wasn't even there. It was somewhere else and it was being tortured and I could feel it everywhere on my person. I was bleeding but I wasn't bleeding. I had to get away but there was nowhere else to go. I sunk to the ground my back against the wall. A nurse came over to check on me. Asked if I was okay, but I couldn't speak. They had cut out my tongue and there was blood everywhere.

Extra content: About a two weeks in I think, I thought I was being tortured and I was horribly disfigured. They had cut off my fingers, in their place was a shadow of a hand mixed with my own flesh. They had cut open my skull, my skin exposed to the elements. It wasn't a fun time.

There's plenty of more memories I could dig up, but here's just a few. I hope this makes someone not feel so alone. It's really the only reason I'm writing this. I just needed to get it out.

Au revoir.

#bipolar disorder #mental illness #mental health issues #psychotic symptoms

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bookishbrigitta · 3 years

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Okay, I know The Lion King is supposed to be inspired by Hamlet, but let’s be honest, it takes out a lot of the interesting, psycho-drama parts of Hamlet.

The mystery over whether or not Hamlet’s uncle actually killed his dad or if Hamlet was already insane? Gone.

The mystery of whether or not Hamlet’s uncle and mom were plotting to kill his dad? Gone.

Hamlet’s cruelty and Gertrude’s horror after he accidentally stabbing Polonius? Gone.

Hamlet’s descent into insanity? Gone.

Tragic ending? Gone.

Possibly homosexual bromance? Gone.

Now, you might say, but it’s for kids. I say, why?! It’s a play about court intrigue, insanity, and familial murder! Why would you even try to adapt that for kids?! Pick a different play (and not Romeo and Juliet, which is mostly about gang violence and horniness). Take the dick jokes out of one of the comedies, like Comedy of Errors or Twelfth Night, and do that instead. Kids would eat up the whole separated twins thing!

Also, they didn’t include the line “How now, a rat?” even though it’s a movie about animals!!! It does not deserve my respect.

#fuck disney #hamlet #the lion king #shakespeare #look i'm in a shakespeare mood this week #english major problems #i'm procrastinating

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runawayolives · 2 years

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Baby daddy II

Part I

Pairing: nate jacobs x female reader (she/her pronouns)

Warnings: The Jacobs family, talk of nudes, reader isn't the best person. Manipulation, from Nate and reader. R is pregnant, teenage pregnancy.

TWO YEARS AGO

"Y/N, right?" She didn't have to look up from her now-closed locker to know who had locked it.

"Yes." She gently moved Nate Jacob's hand from the metal door to open it again, grabbing her binder and biology book.

"You, uh, had interesting things to say during history class." The girl walked away from her locker, going to her next class.

"It makes me angry when people glorify white dudes that didn't do admirable shit." Nate faltered for a second but didn't let it show.

"They founded America. They did do something admirable." Y/N shrugged, not really caring about the boy's opinions.

"Okay."

...

"Do you want a boy or a girl?" She looked up at Nate, tired of the endless conversations about the baby.

"Does it matter?" Nate looked down at her, placing a piece of hair behind her ear.

"I want a girl that looks like you." Y/N looked up from the book she was trying to read.

"Yeah, you said that before."

There was an awkward silence in the room. Nate had known Y/N long enough to know when she didn't want to talk. It never bothered him. Well, that's a lie. He appreciated how she wasn't clingy like other girls he had dated. How she wasn't on him 24/7 in case he was cheating on her. When he started talking to her, he liked it, loved it even. A few months in, he realized how much he despised her nonchalance. It wasn't that she wasn't insecure. It was that she didn't give a fuck. Y/N was going to be neutral, didn't matter if he dated her or left her. Nate was sure that if someday he stopped talking to her, she wouldn't even notice.

So, he did what any other teenage boy would do if he was so into a girl that didn't pay him attention. Ask her friends.

Nate first went to Maddy. He thought it would be easier to approach her, considering that she was a cheerleader and that they had spoken at parties before.

"You want to know what she likes?" Nate had been waiting for Maddy after practice.

"Yes, flowers, chocolate, stuff girls like." Maddy looked at Nate up and down

"I don't think you're her type. Pretty hard to make her like you if you don't even get her attention." Nate followed the shorter girl. Trying not to lose his temper at what she was saying.

"Let's say I'm her type. What do I do?" Maddy turned around, tired of his insistence.

"Look, she's never shown interest for anyone before, so I don't know. She likes daffodils, something to do with a movie about poets or something."

"What about food?" Maddy sighed, turned around, and kept walking.

"She likes m&m's and sushi."

The next week he convinced Y/N to go to his house, have dinner and watch a movie. He had dismissed the flowers, deciding on looking for the movie, so that they could watch it together. Hopefully, it was romantic, so that it could somehow set the mood. The movie ended and Y/N was trying not to cry. Not what Nate had been planning, but he could work with it.

"Do you have a favorite poet?" Her teary eyes met his dry ones. Maybe it's because he was sick in the head, but crying eyes were prettier than dry ones. It showed better eye color, making them more noticeable.

She let out a dry chuckle but replied. "I don't really have a favorite poet. I have a hard time understanding classical poetry. I guess I like Shakespeare's, but I think it's because of the depths of the characters."

"I had never watched this movie. It was nice." She looked down to her close enough hands. Y/N placed hers on top of his.

"I'll educate you in film, don't worry."

They then turned this into a routine. Once a month, sometimes even twice, they watched a movie Y/N considered a must-watch. By their third hang-out, Nate asked for some book recommendations. He had noticed that that was also one of her main interests. Her eyes lit up after his question. They shone more than when she was crying, and he realized that he craved for that shine. She promised to make him a specific list of books she thought he would like.

He wasn't used to taking relationships this slow. Nate assumed this is what meant finding the right girl. Just like football, results didn't come in a second, and if they did, they probably weren't good ones.

He once asked Y/N about her life plans, and her eyes lit up again. She explained both of them, the five years one and the ten years one. He wasn't a fan of her looking for independence like that. She had a foolproof plan, and it didn't include him. Nate could and would change that slowly but surely. He would let her go to college to get her master's. Doctorate if she felt like it, but she was staying home. Maybe it was because he was possessive. Every time he thought about it, his stomach would jump.

Just picturing her, his smart as hell wife, being home, reading books, and watching movies to her heart's content. She would make breakfast for the both of them, kiss Nate goodbye, and just be home, doing whatever she wanted. She didn't have to worry about the activism she was always talking about. She wouldn't have to be a human rights lawyer. Y/N would live a relaxed and calm life, not having to worry about anything.

Nate could picture her being a mom every single night in his bed. She babysat for some of her mother's friends, who had little kids, and she was so nurturing. One of the little boys had invited her to his birthday party, and Y/N had asked Nate to join her. She had gotten the dates mixed up and had to cancel their date. The way she didn't care about getting her dress dirty with grass stains, how she listened to the little boy speak to her about dinosaurs, it just made everything fall into place for Nate.

She was smart, pretty, and mother material. They would live a comfortable life after he inherited the company, and they would be the picture-perfect family.

After his daydream, Nate pulled Y/N closer to him. "I know this wasn't your plan. I'm sorry I was a complete asshole the other day. Can you forgive me?" She closed the book and left it on the coffee table. The girl cuddled closer to him, pulling her knees closer to her chest so that her whole body was on the couch.

"Why have you told our families that we're getting married?" The boy pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. He had missed this, even if they hadn't been broken up for so long. But those three months of her pulling away were awful. He knew Maddy and Kat had put those terrible ideas about him in her pretty mind. During this last year, Nate had made sure to slowly distance her from her friends, but it hadn't been easy. Even if he never understood how Y/N was their friend, they had a very close bond. They hung out every Friday and Saturday night. Some Sundays they went to the mall together to go shopping. Nate started interfering in the Sunday plans. He would take Y/N to the mall, specifically her favorite store. He would follow her around the bookstore, holding all of the books she wanted to buy, and he always paid. They would sometimes get books together, the same one, and read them during the month. Y/N would finish them in a week, but she knew Nate didn't have that much free time. Whenever they hung out to watch a movie, they would talk about their latest read. On the Saturdays they spent at the bookstore, Y/N would usually be worn down, and cancel the Sunday plan, sometimes even the Saturday one.

"I thought it was the easiest way to do this. Princess, I'm scared too. I have no idea what to do about anything, but we can do it together. And think about it; if you ever became a lawyer as you wanted, they could use the fact that you got pregnant in high school against you. If we get married before the baby is born, we could fix it up a bit." Y/N gently kissed his neck, the closes part of his body she could reach without moving from their position.

"I'm sorry I called your family a bunch of psychos."

"We both know they are." They both laughed softly, liking the now calm atmosphere. "Do you want to stay the night?"

"Okay."

...

The alarm clock read 3:26 am, and Y/N knew Nate was impossible to wake up in the middle of the night. She managed to move away from the human furnace he had become. She gently rolled out of the bed landing on the carpet. She stood up and walked towards the other side of the bed, where Nate had his nightstand.

Y/N picked up his phone, which lit up the moment she lifted it. The device was locked, showing a picture of them at the carnival last year. She was standing on her tippy toes, holding a stuffed Triceratops Nate had won for her. She was kissing Nate's cheek. While he held cotton candy with his free hand.

His mom had taken that photo of them, right in front of the Jacobs' chili stand.

Y/N swiped up, and the phone displayed the numbers to write in the passcode. She trusted Nate hadn't changed it and typed in her birthday.

The phone unlocked, and she was quick to get into Nate's photos app. She easily found the pictures, that were in a folder named Y/N. There were other pictures in the folder, not just the nudes. Some were sweet, from dates they had gone on. Her favorite was one they had taken right before going to one of the fancy dinners Cal would invite them to. Nate was wearing a basic suit, with a tie that matched the dress (Imagine whatever dress you like, this one is just for reference) she was wearing. Nate had gifted it to her a week prior, and she felt worth a million dollars.

Nate shifted on the bed, making her remember that she wasn't looking at his gallery to go down memory lane.

Y/N deleted all of her nudes, also the ones of them together, and left the phone how she found it. She went back to her side of the bed and got closer to Nate, in case he noticed that she was too far away and woke up.

For now, her plan was going okay, it was the next steps that were going to be more complicated.

A/N: I hope you liked part two, and be ready for part three. I have a long weekend from friday to monday, so maybe I'll be able to write two more parts for baby daddy. I have other requests I want to complete, some of them are for nate Jacobs, so if I don't write naything for baaby daddy, I'll have something else.

Thank you for more that 1000 notes on part one, has meant a lot, and if you want, send me ideas on what to write for future parts of baby daddy. It can be a flashback, a flash foward, a little detail you want inlcuded, whatever you want.

Thank you so much for liking part one, and I hope part two didn't dissapoint.

#nate jacobs #euphoria #imagine #hbo #nate jacobs x reader #oneshot #x reader #jacob elordi #baby daddy #x y/n

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shysneeze · 3 years

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i solemnly swear i am up to no good (george weasley x reader)

request: what if one night the golden trio is look at the marauders map that the twins gave Harry and they see the reader and George sneaking around hogwarts and they ask George about it the next day? ~ anon

warnings: yo i don’t even think i swear in this one it’s a miracle, can’t think of anything else but Fred’s dramatics

authors note: this is the best porcastination I have ever tasted (fuck chemistry uno?) anyway, I hope this is what you were looking for anon and thank you for the request <3

...

It's a carefully constructed routine, one that George has perfected by now. He's worked out that Lee is always the last to fall asleep, and so the coast is always clear when he begins to snore, that he's safe to slip from his covers and creep down the stairs, by which point the common room is always empty and he's free to leave completely undetected.

He knows the corridors to avoid, the ones with the gossiping portraits and regular prefect patrols. He knows that McGonagall keeps her classroom lit through the night to discourage snooping students and that the ghost will turn a blind eye at most things, unless they're in a particularly bad mood.

He's thought it through perfectly, even if he does say so himself. In fact, he's not had an incident since the first night they met up, when Peeves decided to draw the attention of every sleeping painting in the vicinity, who awoke rather grouchy, and ready to take their complaints straight to Dumbledore until George convinced them he wouldn't let it happen to again.

Now, though, he's sure he's considered everything and he's rather smug with himself when he arrives at the kitchens. (Y/N) smiles at him when he arrives, already perched on one of the counter tops beside two mugs of hot chocolate.

"Still beat ya, Georgie." She grins.

"Right you." He teases. "You have no idea the expedition it is to get here without getting caught."

"Excuses, excus-"

He's kissing her before she can finish, her laughter vibrating against his lips until she recovers from the abruptness of it and is gathering a handful of his jumper and pulling him closer as she does every time.

They've thought of everything to keep it their own, their sacred routine and their special secret. They've eliminated every possible hiccup that could occur, they're sure of it. Everything always goes as plan and their relationship is kept protected in it's own little bubble, the way they like it.

"You're not still obsessing over that map."

The boys by the fireplace jumps at the sound of Hermione's voice, staring wide-eyed as she stands on the bottom of the girl's dorm's staircase with a disappointed frown. Harry clutches the map against his chest, as if it will anyway hide it from her.

"'Mione." Ron exhales. "You gave me a bloody heart attack!"

"What are you doing up?" Harry asks.

"I left my textbook down here." She informs. "You?"

"We're uh, checking to see if Flitwick is still in the hospital wing with the flu." Harry admits shamefully. "So we don't need to the do the homework..."

"Of course you are."

She comes forward with a sigh, dropping into the seat beside them. She can't help but be slightly curious on the matter, even with her already completed homework upstairs. The map is characteristically empty for the time of night, most people's names stationary in their dorms except from the occasional pacing teacher, still up marking, or the prefects on their rounds.

It's what makes the set of footsteps tiptoeing down an empty corridor so noticeable, George Weasley's name so stark on the otherwise empty stretch of enchanted parchment. Hermione frowns at it curiously and points.

"What is George doing?"

"Who knows." Ron shrugs. "Probably just setting up some sort of prank."

Hermione gives him an unconvinced look and drags her finger up to the Gryffindor tower, halting at the boys dorms, where Fred's name lies still where he is sleeping. Ron takes a minute to catch onto the implication.

"Then why is Fred not there either?"

"Maybe he's gone rogue?" Harry suggests.

"I doubt that."

They return to George as his inky footsteps lead further through the castle, looping through hidden corridors and secret passage ways methodically before arriving at the kitchen, where upon realisation, Hermione lets out a chuckle.

"Oh."

"What?" Ron frowns.

"Look who already in the kitchens." She explains.

"(Y/N) (Y/L/N)." Ron exhales. "What's he meeting up with her for?"

"Think about it, Ronald." Hermione smiles knowingly.

Ron's brows scrunch in confusion, looking expectantly to Harry, who seems to have already clued himself in and is grinning knowingly. Then his eyes begin to widen with realisation and Hermione nods.

"He can't be- with (Y/N)?" Ron gasps. "No..."

"Seems that way." Harry gives an amused smile.

"That smug git." Ron breathes. "I knew he was hiding something!"

Hermione lets out a soft laugh, soon followed by Harry. Thoughts of Flitwick's whereabouts long forgotten at this new information and it's implications. In the kitchens the pair's names have stilled together, oblivious to the secrets they've spilled.

George sips slowly at his coffee, willing it to make up for his late night with a burst of energy. Even through his tiredness, he's grinning to himself at the memories of the night before. His eyes search for (Y/N)'s across the room, finding them quickly, well practiced in the art of doing so. She’s nursing a cup of coffee in a similar way, and gives a knowing smile before dropping her gaze with a slight shake of her head.

Across the table, Ron watches the exchange with insider knowledge and scowls at his elder brother, a mixture of perplexed and impressed. Harry nudges him warningly, but wears a knowing sort of smirk that George catches from the corner of his eyes and causes him to grow slightly uneasy from.

"What?" He asks.

"Nothing." Harry assures, coughing out a laugh. "Nothing, George."

"Alright..."

He attempts to return to his breakfast when he hears Ron snigger, rounding back on them with a frown. Hermione lifts her glass to her lips to hide her smile, only adding to George confusion. Fred's picked up on it too now, watching their little brother and his friends curiously.

"What are you lot so smug about?" Fred asks.

"That's what I'd like to know." George agrees with a frown.

George watches as Ron's eyes drift across the room towards same place as his had a moment ago, to (Y/N). George's jaw slackens ever so slightly, alerting Fred to this new development, also glancing over at the girl. (Y/N) isn't blind to this new attention, lifting her eyes to meet theirs and frowning in concern.

"Shut up." George tells Ron sternly. "Don't say anything."

"What?" Fred frowns. "What are you on about, George?"

George fixes Ron with a glare whilst also trying to figure out how he's come to know this information. He's so sure he'd considered everything, yet his brother is grinning at him like he's just won the lottery for best blackmail material possible.

Then, from the corner of Harry's robes, he recognises the aged parchment that he and Fred gave the boy themselves. He finds himself gulping and his cheeks growing warmer by the second as Harry chuckles at him.

"What the hell is going on?" Fred ask sharply, growing agitated at being left out of the loop. "What has (Y/L/N) got to do with it?"

Ron last two seconds before he's blurting it out despite George's pleading look.

"George met up with (Y/N) in the kitchen's last night."

"Merlin..." George groans.

"What!?" Fred bursts loudly. "You what?"

George groans and drops his head into his hands as Fred stares wide-eyed and betrayed. George should have considered the map, the most damning piece of evidence there could be, that no perfect timing and strategic route planning could save them from.

"You absolute git!" Fred exclaims, punching his twins arms. "You've got yourself a girlfriend and didn't tell me!"

"Ah!" George exclaims, sitting up to rub his arm soothingly. "No need for violence!"

"Uh, yeah there is!" Fred argues. "How long has this been going on?"

"I don't know- a few weeks?" George offers.

"A few week-" Fred gasps. "And Ron knew before me?"

"I didn't exactly plan that." George defends. "Harry's got the bloody map."

"Wow." Fred folds his arms. "You think you know someone."

"Oh come off it, Fred." George groans. "I would've told you eventually."

"Eventually." Fred scoffs. "I'm your brother- your twin! I should have been told the minute it started!"

George runs his finger through his hair with a sigh and gives Fred a sheepish look, although it does nothing to appease his twin's sour look. He's nice enough to feel somewhat guilty for it, even with his brother's dramatics.

"Are you ashamed of your family George?"

That's when George clocks that he's just being a dramatic git. He rolls his eyes at his brother as he starts up with a rant on loyalty and brotherhood, hand on his heart like he's quoting Shakespeare.

"You'll get over it soon enough." George decides flippantly. "We just liked sneaking around."

"That's possibly the most goddamn boring excuse you could come up with." Fred announces disappointedly. "You just ruined my whole thing- I was hoping for something like she thought you were me the whole time and this was actually a case of identity theft."

"Sorry to disappoint." George smirks with a shrug. "But she thinks I'm the better looking twin."

"She's clearly blind."

"Listen, I'm sorry I didn't tell you all." George sighs. "It started as an accident and then we just kind of got used to it."

"Wow, romantic." Fred jokes.

"Shut up." George scoffs. "It's not everyone's idea of a nice date but it's ours and we like it."

Fred smiles quite genuinely at this, the defensiveness in his brother's tone.

"You really like her." He observes. "Huh?"

George's eyes drift unsubtly towards the girl in question, where his smile widens at seeing her with that smile he's so used to feeling on his lips when they kiss. He chuckles to himself before turning back to his brother.

"Yeah, yeah I do."

"Then I'm happy for you." Fred decides, clapping his brother's shoulder. "But ever keep anything like this from me again and your twin status is revoked."

"Noted." George grins. "Oh, and Ron?"

Ron gulps at the change in his brother's tone.

"Yeah?"

"I'd be checking your shoes for spiders for a while mate."

#george weasley #george weasley x reader #george x reader #george weasley imagine #Fred and George imagine #george imagine #weasley twins #weasley twins imagine #fred weasley #harry potter #harry potter fanfics #fred and george

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lightening816 · 2 years

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Baby Blackgaard

Chapter 2

"Edwin, I'm so glad you gave Mr. Shakespeare a few days off. After all, everyone needs a vacation sometimes.”

“Oooohhh, Mumzy, I’m a fair man. Far be it from me to overwork the fellow!”

Ronald Edwin Blackgaard felt on top of the world. The tall, angular man with black and white hair walked up the steps of his nephew’s front porch with a shorter woman with a wrinkled face and hair more white than black. With his mother to his right and his nephew and nieces inside the house, the middle aged actor had been in a good mood all day. He kept a watchful eye of the English countryside around him, straightened his silk tie and opened the front door for his elderly mother.

The house was small, modest and reminded Edwin of a woodland cottage. It held a finely decorated guest room with red walls, a full sized bed, and a small desk and vanity. Some might’ve viewed it as simple, but Yvette, its current resident, thought it suited her perfectly. Lara and Regis Blackgaard II (or ‘Reggie’ as he preferred) slept in a blue painted room with a couple of dressers, a closet, and a crème colored bed spread from Lara’s mother. Next to it was Nina’s bassinet, even though soon, she would be old enough to sleep by herself in a pink bedroom between her parents’ room and the laundry room. Completing the house was the washroom across the hall that everyone used. Meanwhile, Reggie was currently bent over in this laundry room, as he took clean clothes out of the dryer and placed wet clothes in their place.

Edwin put his head through the front door. He immediately searched for the reason why he was there in the first place: a tiny three week old girl in pink laying in her rocker was awake and shaking her little ringing kitty toy. Upon seeing her, he entered with a grand, clear voice.

“Hark, we have returned with provisions!”

He and mother Yvette were greeted by a young, brunette woman in a stained, oversized sweater and messy bun. “Oh good, j-just put the groceries in the counter. I’m still sanitizing these bottles,” she replied breathing in relief. Lara Blackgaard nee’ Le Roque rubbed her temples with one hand and put her baby’s clean bottles and nipples in a white basket with the other. “A-Actually, Uncle Edwin, please help Mother put them away.” Edwin had just placed the heavy bags on the counter as she stated her request. “Perhaps, I should’ve asked Shakespeare to come after all. He has such a talent for heavy lifting,” he mourned. Yvette giggled. “Oh come now, Eddie, darling, this kind of work is good for the muscles.”

“The muscles?” Edwin asked.

“The muscles?” Lara repeated.

“The muscles,” she confirmed. “Lara, has Nina had a bottle recently?” “Thirty minutes ago; the child eats like its her job.” “Lara, dear, it is her job,” Yvette said with a smile. “Oh…yeah…” “Any fussing?” “Well, she was most displeased during Skin-to-Skin, but a little shushing and rocking helped.” “Rocking typically does. Edwin simply loved being rocked when he was little.” “Mother…” Edwin groaned with a blush. To take his mind off the conversation, he looked over at his youngest niece. Once he’d finished the task he’d been given, he just had to slip away and over to her to pick her up. “Now, my little Titania,” he started. Though he didn’t always work well with children as an actor, Edwin took very well to Nina. “Did you have sweet dreams?” he asked as Nina mumbled. “Well of course you did! Now how does Mercutio’s monologue from Act 1 Scene 4 go again? Oh yes!” “Oh boy, here we go again,” Lara thought to herself.

“O, then, I see Queen Mab hath been with you. She is the fairies’ midwife, and she comes in shape no bigger than an agate-stone. On the fore-finger of an alderman drawn with a team of little atomies, athwart men’s noses as they lie asleep,” Edwin recited dramatically. Nina’s eyes were drawn to his vandyke beard, as he acted away.

“Her wagon-spokes made of long spinners’ legs, the cover of the wings of grasshoppers, the traces of the smallest spider’s web, thecollars of the moonshine’s watery beam-OW!” For the second time that day, the infant grabbed his vandyke beard and gave it a mild tug. Nina smiled from ear to ear and kicked her feet at her funny Uncle Eddie. “Oh, sweetie, don’t pull on him like that,” Yvette gently told her as she took her from Edwin. Nina remained restless until Yvette placed her in a big round pillow on the largest sofa in the living room and sat alongside her as she attempted to mumble some more.

“Is everything alright out there,” Reggie called from the laundry room. “We’re fine, love. Uncle Edwin was just quoting Romeo and Juliet,” Lara replied. “Another day in Paradise,” he said with a laugh. Reggie Blackgaard looked similar to his father and uncle. He was tall, lean, and even shared their forehead’s shape. His eyes, though dark like Regis and Edwin’s, were soft and lively like the latter’s. Like his mother however, his nose was small and his face was ovular, features his father noticed right away once he came along. He carried the basket over to the living room, and settled it right in front of the larger sofa. “Hello, pretty girl, you’re very alert today,” he said in a soft voice. As he sat down in front of the largest sofa, he peeked his head over her pillow and greeted the little baby as she looked at him. Without a care in the world, Nina practiced more of the funny sounds she’d been making with her mouth. Reggie gently wiped her drool from her lips, as his eyes gently traveled over to her musical toy. Her plush kitten rang as he looked at it and thought of his father. “He too got a cat from Grandmum, didn’t he?” he thought.

“Grandmum?” He asked aloud. “Yes, Reggie?” “When did my father say he’d be in again?” Edwin stopped rubbing his chin where Nina had tugged on him and looked away. “Later today, dear. Why?” Yvette asked. Lara stared at Edwin, the concern on his face appearing evident. “Umm, Uncle, did you say your flight was leaving tonight or this afternoon?” she asked. Edwin smiled at her. “Oh, tonight, but there are many things I need to get in town before I go. I shudder to think of what I might do if I don’t have…uh-water on the plane. Yes!” he insisted. “But, Eddie, love, don’t planes come with water prepared?” Yvette asked as Lara sat down to help Reggie fold laundry. “Y-Yes but there are other things of course.”

“Other things?” Reggie asked.

“Other things?” Lara asked.

“Other things,” Edwin confirmed

Yvette frowned. “Can’t you be here when Regis gets here? Just for a little while?” “Mumzy, you know how I feel about Regis,” Edwin pleaded. “I know, but I asked both of you to set things aside for the baby’s sake; at least for today.” “And yours, dear?“ Edwin asked bluntly. “Well…yes,” Yvette admitted. “Mother, Regis is positively fiendish. I’ve seen the way he conducts business and speaks to his employees. He’s not the man you think he is!” the actor complained. “Uncle Edwin is right, Grandmum,” Lara said. “And I don’t want his bad ideas to get into the baby’s head.” Yvette looked down and balled her hands into fists. “He’s not…always like that. He can be a good man,” she reasoned. “Even so, Grandmum, we can’t tolerate bad behavior, especially not around Nina,” Reggie said, as he looked over at her. He couldn’t help but smile at her.

No one heard the sounds of Italian loafers walking up the steps to the house and the tapping of a walking cane…

Yvette hummed. “My oldest is a…highly opinionated man, but…grandparents are an important part of a child’s life. I’m sure Regis will welcome her warmly…We could certainly give him a chance to hold her, and love her, can’t we?…Maybe…today won’t be so bad.”

No one heard the front door open either…

“Then, we must be VERY vigilant!” Edwin declared with bravado.

“Vigilant?” Reggie asked.

“Vigilant?” Yvette asked.

“Vigilant??” Lara returned.

“Right! I know Regis,” Edwin continued. “He’d would much sooner sell her to Archie Haggler’s Carnival if the right price could be arranged!” Lara’s anxiety rose as she took the baby into her arms. “Oh, Uncle, don’t say things like that,” she pleaded.

“I mean really, Edwin. Give me some credit.”

Everyone whipped around and there standing in the front doorway was Dr. Regis Blackgaard himself. The middle aged gentleman stood there in his long coat, three-piece suit, and a cat-sized carrying case in one hand. In the other hand was his long, black walking cane, complete with a gold knob on top. The warmth of Reggie Blackgaard’s English cottage was lost amid the worry in Lara, and the sense of dread in Edwin. The former stiffened herself, to rid herself of any slouching. Edwin could practically feel his mood change from cozy and content to apprehensive and paranoid. “Far be it from me to be so barbaric towards my family,” he said with a grin.

Yvette was the first to step forward.

“Regis,” she said, embracing him. Dr. Blackgaard, though usually resistant to intimate touch, tolerated her kissing him and holding his face in her hands. “Are you alright? You’re not tired, are you?” Regis kept a civil tone. “Mother, please, I’m fine. I’m always fine when I see you,” he said. Edwin resisted the urge to roll his eyes, and perhaps hide while he still could. “I see your hip is functioning well,” the doctor said, curving an eyebrow. “Yes, dear, it is,” Yvette replied, albeit rather awkwardly. “Um…Edwin-Edwin! Come here!”

Edwin nibbled his lip, as Lara and Reggie coupled together. “Lara, give me Nina. We can finish the basket later,” the young man whispered. “Good idea,” she replied. “Oh, Edwin, don’t be so shy. Come and say ‘hello’,” Regis requested in an oily tone. He quickly caught Lara as she slipped behind Yvette and Edwin. Once Lara hurried into her bedroom and put the basket on the bed, she took a breath. Just being in the same room as her father-in-law was enough to shake her, she realized…

“Ah, both of my boys under one roof,” Yvette mused as she looked at Edwin and Regis with love. “My heart is happy…Oh, I MUST get a photo!” “M-Mother, I-“ Edwin stammered. “Here! Let me help you,” he said, as he quickly stepped away from his brother. Regis could sense how determined he was to leave his side. He couldn’t help but feel amused. “A scenery-chewing ham and a coward,” he thought. No matter, he figured. His brother’s temporary leave gave him a chance to look ahead of him.

The first thing he saw was her.

“So,” he began, as he started a little trek over to her and her father. “Where is this granddaughter, I’ve heard so much about?” he asked, as if he couldn’t already see her. Every few seconds, Edwin took a quick glance at the three Blackgaards, just in case. Lara also kept a close eye as she made her way back to the living room. “Um, sir, th-this is-“

“Our daughter, Nina Marie,” Reggie finished for her as she trembled. “Say ‘hello’ to your grandfather, Nina. Isn’t she beautiful, Father?” He asked nervously.

Grandfather and granddaughter studied each other for what felt like an eternity. Regis seemed to analyze her, as if trying to find some kind of flaw. And then they were there again…those feelings he had; the fondness he felt when he first saw her picture. Nina recognized his vandyke beard and held out her arms. She beamed from ear to ear as she waited for him to pick her up. Edwin and Yvette were just returning as he placed his cane and mewling carrying case at the side and took her in his arms.

Edwin’s heart rate increased. His eyes hurried to the front door and returned to the unlikely pair. Back and forth, back and forth, they traveled as he watched Nina wriggle around in his arms. Without warning, Yvette held up her camera. “Oh this is just perfect! Smile!!” she replied and she clicked the camera. Regis blinked at the flash. “Mother, good grief!” He barked at her. His sudden, sharp tone startled Nina, who noticed Edwin standing to the side.

“Eh??” she squeaked. She looked to her right at Edwin, and then to the left at Regis; then back and forth again. The poor baby moaned in confusion. “Oh, poor thing, she must think she’s seeing two Edwins!” Yvette said. Regis wrinkled his nose. “Two Edwins, what a thought,” he laughed. Edwin glared at him.

“Regis, be nice to your brother,” Yvette replied, as she looked back at Nina. “Grandfather sure is funny, isn’t he, baby?” she asked cheerfully. Regis curved an eyebrow at her. “And you’re just the smartest little girl!” she continued. Nina didn’t fuss for long however. There was still the matter of Regis’s own vandyke beard. The baby reached for it, only for the doctor to take her hand before contact. Yvette noticed that he didn’t even have to look to catch it. Nevertheless, she tried to maneuver her hand out of his, but couldn’t.

“Rethink that move, Little One,” he finally said in a firm voice. Nina stopped and blinked. Uncle Eddie was loud, dramatic, and amusing to her. This one was serious and maybe a little scary. Reggie and Lara’s muscles tightened as they stared deep into each other. Edwin covered his mouth with his hand in fear. The silence was terrible until the small girl broke it herself

“Ppbt,” she mustered. Regis pulled his head back a little as she stuck her little tongue out for all to see. Edwin looked away and stifled his giggles. Lara and Reggie huddled together, expecting the worst, while Regis shot a deadly look at his brother. The actor’s face fell.

“Precious little thing, isn’t she?” Regis managed to say with a strained smile and a displeasure in his eyes.

…

In time, Sasha had been allowed out of her carrying case to stretch her legs. One of the first things she did was leap up onto the largest sofa and look over at the little, pink creature laying in her pillow. The baby smiled as her whiskers tickled her cheek as she sniffed her. Sasha’s ears twitched at the smell of lavender-laced baby soap, rather than the cologne she had associated with her owner. Lara sat on the opposite end, looking cautiously at the kitten. “Don’t swipe…no, no, don’t swipe at her,” she’d say as Sasha attempted to shoot her paw out at Nina. The infant didn’t seem to mind, as the cat looked like her ringing plush.

Edwin stayed clear of the creature, as he and Reggie sat at the table together, in their respective bundles of nerves. Reggie’s leg bounced up and down, as his cup of tea sat in his hands. He’d barely sipped an ounce of it. “I wonder what’s going on in there. They’ve been talking for ten minutes,” he mused. “No doubt, he’s probably lecturing her about something. He’s always been too hard on Mumzy,” Edwin replied. “Not so loud, Edwin! He’ll hear you,” Lara warned softly. “Oh, I know it,” the young man said.

The closed door of the guest room stood still as two voices muffled along the walls. On the other side stood Regis, towering over his wrinkled mother, while she kept herself poised with low, humble shoulders. “I understand, son, but I’m trying as hard as I can. At least I’ve got some of it paid off,” she said. “Oh I know, Mumzy, I know. But I also know how forgetful you can be, and I’d hate for it to slip your mind,” Regis replied in a overly pleasant tone. “Besides, my associates and myself have great plans for the future, and I can’t keep putting money down for your health problems, my dear.” “It is a symptom of aging, Regis. Problems like these can come up, you know,” she tried to reason. “I am sorry about your problems, Mother, but they are. Your. Problems.” His tone was hardening, and Yvette lowered her head a little further. “But-“ "Mother-" Regis interrupted, as he curved an eyebrow at her. "When Edwin and I were boys, was it not you who taught us to honor our commitments? Was it not you who taught us responsibility? If I were you, I'd work as quickly as I could to pay back my benefactor. I've given you ample time to earn the funds and pay me back. Do we understand each other?" He practically hovered over the old woman, who stood there clutching her long skirts. The smile he gave her seemed pleasant enough, but the shadow he appeared to cast over her filled her with a familiar sense of distress. The distress that she felt as he threw temper tantrums as a small boy, talked her into rash decisions, and offered her far too good propositions that always came with a catch, sprang abundantly in her. Nevertheless, she took a breath. "Of course, Regis; I will work harder and more quickly..." Regis swept her hair from her face. "Thank you, Mother. I'm glad we understand each other..."

“Yes…” Yvette looked away for a moment. “Regis…might I…ask you a question?“

“What is it?” he asked, almost annoyed. Yvette swallowed a lump in her throat.

“…Edwin’s not going to be able to come with us to church in the morning. Would you…I mean, if you’re not too busy-“ She froze, suddenly feeling tongue-tied. “Th-The one we’re going to is warm and healthy. And-And you, me, and Edwin haven’t been together as a family since you two left for college. And Lara and Reggie have already scheduled Nina’s Baby Dedication. There are few memories more precious than getting to go to church with your grandparents. Please, son, go with little Nina. It’ll be a treasured memory in our family. Please…,” Yvette almost begged. Regis turned away and rubbed his temple. Then a thought occurred to him. “I suppose it was Lara’s idea? To schedule a…how did you put it?”

“A Baby Dedication; it’s when parents promise to raise their children in The Ways of The Lord. I dedicated you and Edwin and Nora when her time came…of course you were all too little to remember.”

Regis was silent for a moment.

“Ah, yes…Well, Mother, I’m afraid I won’t go. I’m on a tightly booked schedule. And you spend so much time there already. I certainly hope you’re not letting it take up too much of it…There are other responsibilities, you know. I believe we spoke of one of them just now…” he said very matter-of-factly.

“But, son, church doesn’t take up too much time. And I know you…very firmly left the faith a long time ago, but…for old time’s sake, I wish you’d come with me and the family,” she replied earnestly.

“‘Left’? Is that how you remember it?” Blackgaard asked her plainly. “I don’t think I was ever truly in it to begin with…I’ve had no interest in it, not for a long time.“ His tone lowered and darkened. “And quite frankly, I don’t appreciate my family’s attempts to fill my granddaughter’s head with the same clutter you filled me and my brother with. I can’t blame Edwin for expressing doubt himself once we left Secondary School. I would prefer you not ask me again. Understand?”

Yvette’s face fell as she observed her son’s lecture, unable to recall the last time she’d seen any true warmth in his voice. “…I will not force you to go, Regis. You and Edwin are grown men…but…if you change your-“ Regis curved an eyebrow at her.

She said nothing more.

…

Yvette had long been allowed to sit down in a chair in the kitchen, and think, once it was Reggie and Lara’s turn to be talked to by Regis.

“And that’s all that happened…” Yvette whispered to Edwin. “I see,” he replied in a forlorn tone. The actor looked at his Mother with great pity. Though he didn’t really know what to believe as far as faith and church were concerned, he certainly had no issue with those who participated in such things. It’s a shame, he thought, that he couldn’t say the same for Regis…

“Edwin, didn’t you want to leave to take care of a few things?” Yvette whispered, sounding a little down. Edwin debated it in his mind. “…No. My flight doesn’t depart for several hours.” He felt a sickly feeling in his stomach as he heard brief snippets of Lara and Reggie trying to speak to the doctor. “I…” he started again, silently cursing himself for even thinking about leaving his family alone with him. He shook his head subtly. “No,” he thought. To leave now would be unforgivable, to him anyway.

Lara and Reggie stood still in the living room, while Regis paced about. Sasha followed him around while occasionally tapping at his shoes.

“I mean really, Lara,” Regis began. Lara fixed her posture. “Yes, sir?” she asked, unable to recall any time she’d called him anything else. “I really wish you’d told me before scheduling this…’Baby Dedication’, yes?”

“Yes, sir,” she repeated.

“Yes…children have too much order in their lives already. In four years, my little Nina will be in school. And no doubt she’ll have plenty to do at…home already,” he continued, as he looked over at a drying laundry line outside. “Must you give her even more work to do with all this ‘church’ business? All it’ll do is keep her from more important things; Her studies, her future, things of that nature.”

Reggie’s eyebrows furrowed. “Father, I’m sorry you disagree, but as her parents, we will raise her, as we see fit. And she’ll still have time for all sorts of other things!”

“You’re starting to sound like Mother,” Dr. Blackgaard said to his son. He stood there in thoughtful silence. “…The old ways of thinking that they teach are a hindrance in our modern world. They speak of loving your enemies and putting others before themselves. Today’s world doesn’t work that way. If you want anything here, you can’t afford to waste time thinking so often of those who don’t understand you…and that’s on a good day. I’ve encountered enough enemies to know what they could and couldn’t do on a bad one. Nina-all of you in fact-would be much more free operating by your own rules, your own boundaries. I have done as much, and I’m on the brink of a grand breakthrough, that’ll likely change the world,” he rose his hand in the air in insistence on his point. “But if you insist on committing to this set of morals, don’t be surprised when it leaves you with nothing but disappointment.”

Reggie was silent. So was Lara. The latter looked at the former, and swallowed a lump in her throat. “Sir,” she managed to say with a sliver of courage. “I know we don’t see eye-to-eye on certain things, but…we’re doing what we believe is right. And-And we have hope in The Lord, and He loves us and…”-Dr. Blackgaard’s agitated face spoke volumes-“…you too, sir.” The silence was deafening. Dr. Blackgaard looked away.

“My dear, if you knew half of the things I’ve done, you’d know that isn’t true. Besides…” The man suddenly smiled, but just barely. “At this point in my life, I’ve never felt freer.” Lara shrank as her anxiety rose. His piercing eyes filled her with terror, and once again, without thinking, she spoke. “I understand…” Reggie stepped up from behind and took her shoulders into his hands, trying hard not to scowl at Dr. Blackgaard. His father stepped away.

The moment was broken from Nina’s pitiful cries coming from the kitchen. “Lara, my dear, why don’t you go see what Nina needs? I’d like a moment alone with Regis.” As soon as Lara left the kitchen, Dr. Blackgaard put a hand in Reggie’s shoulder. “Your wife is certainly amusing. She’s usually so fragile in my presence. It’s just a shame she’s roped you into her way of thinking.”

Reggie’s lip curled in frustration. “I saw it…that smile, and that tone? Was that really necessary?” He asked in disdain. Dr. Blackgaard hummed. “Can’t you see she’s afraid of you? Look, you don’t have to agree with us, but your intimidating her is not going to bode well with me. And I’d prefer it if you stopped it,” Reggie insisted.

“You can’t blame me, Regis,” Dr. Blackgaard replied. “I only want what’s best for the family.” Reggie glowered at him. “…Sometimes, I wonder. Aunt Nora didn’t seem to think so...” In a momentary fit of anger, the doctor took his shoulder. “You listen well, boy. I don’t want to hear any more disrespect coming out of you, do you hear? I’ve never tolerated it, and that won’t change anytime soon. And if I were you, I’d advise your wife to mind her words. I will not be spoken to like some wandering soul, looking for meaning. I found that on my own, and I don’t need help from her.”

“Even so, she’s the mother of your grandchild-“

“Don’t argue, Regis. I taught you better than that. And as for the child, I hope you don’t start adopting such an unruly tone with me in front of her. Is that clear?”

Reggie was silent.

“Is…that clear?” The doctor said.

“…it’s clear.”

“Good…Now, have you been investigating the organizations I sent you?”

“…Yes…each of them have their own agendas and locations. The one in Geneva-the Red Scorpion-seems to be the most promising.”

“Ah, yes, I’ve heard of them.”

“Their ambitions are global. If you insist on rubbing elbows with any of these groups, they would be likely be the most beneficial to you…Their leader, Mustafa Asghar, is-I’m told-cold and calculating; reaching him won’t be easy.”

Dr. Blackgaard smiled. “You worry too much, son.….I expect a full report on Red Scorpion on Monday, first thing. Fax it to our location in Chicago, and I’ll handle the rest.”

“Yes, Father…”

“Oh and Regis?”

“Yes?“

The doctor smirked at the young man, who felt a chill run down his spine. “You’ve had such a moral turn-around in recent years…you won’t let this deter you from our…special project, will you?”

“…No, sir. It won’t.”

“Excellent.”

Nina sneezed from the living room. “Well, I’m not going to keep the poor girl waiting any longer. I simply must go check on my little treasure. Ta!” Dr. Blackgaard left the room with a stride that infuriated his own son…

…

Nina reminded Dr. Blackgaard of Sasha. As the kitten stepped carefully onto his lap, the baby rested on the side of his chest. His low tones and warm touch, plus the mild sucking of her pacifier lulled her to sleep. She couldn’t even begin to comprehend her grandfather’s lectures. All she cared about was how comfortable she was in Grandpa’s arms. Sasha tried to reach for her feet, which were so small, they barely fit into her onesie’s footies. As Sasha often did with his anger, Dr. Blackgaard found himself feeling calm as he held the helpless little infant. He checked his watch and scooped Sasha into his hand, as he stood up.

“I’m afraid I must be off. I’m expecting another report from an old friend of mine in America. Someone take her,” he finally said. In a state of relief, Edwin quickly fetched her from him, partially afraid he’d change his mind and steal her away. “And speaking of reports, I expect to see yours on Monday morning. Understand?” Regis asked his son.

“Yes,” Reggie replied rather curtly. Edwin observed his brother cautiously as he called for Sasha. The kitten was eased into her carrying case, which Dr. Blackgaard zipped up carefully before picking it up. “And another thing, all of you think about what I said, especially you two,” he said, shooting a glance at Lara and Reggie. Lara rubbed her neck nervously.

“Mother,” he said as Yvette kissed him one more time. “Edwin,” he said as the actor kept a sharp eye on him. Regis looked down at the baby. He held her little chin in his hand and studied her one last time.

“Good show.”

Then he left.

As he walked along the drive way to his shining car, Edwin warily stepped towards the windows at the front of the cottage. He stared until Regis had driven away and was out of sight.

“He’s gone!”

“Oh thank God!” Reggie cried as he and Lara plopped onto the sofa. Yvette said nothing. She only stood there and sighed. “Oh Lord,” she thought. “Rescue my son, and forgive him…and me too.”

…

Note: Nina’s a simple baby with simple pleasures. If she sees a Blackgaard Beard, she tugs it! Also, pardon me while I input a headcanon of mine, in which Edwin is agnostic at this point in the Blackgaard Chronicles. He’s not sure about God or His existence at the moment. But he’s cool with those who do believe in Him.

#Adventures in Odyssey #AiO #fanfiction #Dr. Regis Blackgaard #Yvette Blackgaard #Edwin Blackgaard #Queen Mab #Queen Mabb #Red Scorpion #Reggie Blackgaard #Lara Blackgaard #Nina Marie Blackgaard #Nora Blackgaard

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writingsfromstarfleet · 3 years

Text

Michael Burnham - Little Science Geek

♫ - Hall of Mirrors - Siouxsie and the Banshees

SPOILERS: Slightly, for the end of S2 and the beginning of S3 ♡

For a lovely Anon, enjoy! Thank you all for reading!

Jumping in time was by far an experience. Jumping to the future was a decision you had made without hesitation, and following Michael into the future was always going to be your choice.

Michael and you had been dating for just under a year, and in that time you had seen her grow into so much more than the quiet and reserved person who had first boarded Discovery all that time ago. Since then, she had become a skilled officer, more so than she already was, and yet had managed to keep relations and friendships in tact. She was a gem, and you found yourself coming to love her rather quickly.

Nearly a year down the line and that had not faltered. She was your rock, as were you hers. No matter the situation, one was always there for the other and the mutual adoration you shared was tooth-rottingly sweet. Comments from your friends on how cute you were together were common, and though Michael often tried to keep up appearances on shift, she couldn't help but steal glances at you every now and then and show little signs of affection here and there.

What Michael loved most about you, amongst a growing list of things that expanded every day, was your enthusiasm for science. Michael was a Xenobiologist, that was her main focus, but you didn't care what sector of science it was; your interest lay everywhere. Every week, it seemed, you had something new to show her, often finding Michael on her lunch break or in her quarters to wave a PADD in front of her and waffle at her for a good ten minutes. Not that she minded, nor did she ever stop you; to Michael, it was one of the things that made you so wonderful.

Following her into the future was an easy decision, and once there, it took some time for the crew to adjust and to reconcile what they'd left behind. Some longer than others, and most in their own ways. It was an emotional time, both good and bad, but the Discovery was a family and you got through it together. The future was uncertain, though with Michael's reassurance, you knew you'd all be alright eventually.

You were sat in your quarters, reading up on all the discoveries and advancements in science you had missed from the past eight or so centuries, practically jumping in your place with excitement. So much had happened in the time you'd missed, your brain could hardly take it all in. Your door chimed, and without looking up, you shouted for whoever it was to come in, far too engrossed in the data to stop.

"Y/N," started a voice you knew all too well, and it sounded rather down. Your head shot up, PADD discarded at your side. "Got a minute?"

It was Michael, and she looked like she had been crying, though you didn't know why. You sat up on the bed and opened your arms to her. She crawled beside you and rested her head on your chest as you wrapped one arm around her waist and one holding the side of her face. Placing a kiss on her head, you spoke softly.

"What's the matter?"

"Did I do right, Y/N?" she asked, voice meek as she pressed her face into your chest. Tightening your hold of her, you ran your hand up and down her back for comfort.

"By the crew? Absolutely. I've never seen a speech like the one you gave us, Michael. Everyone here followed you willingly, and those who chose not to left us. Each decision made that day was valid, and everybody here has every faith in you. What you said must have resonated with the crew, because we're all here."

"But some people left families behind, some left-"

"What people left," you cut her off, knowing she was winding herself into a sadder mood the more she spoke. "They left willingly. Nobody present today is here as a hostage. They're here because they wanted to be. Paul, Tilly, Keyla, everybody believes in you, they chose to follow you, Michael. I chose to follow you. You made no decision for anyone, you merely provided an option. Stop beating yourself up over nothing."

She sniffled and looked up at you, eyes shining but no tears falling anymore.

"You've always got the right thing to say, haven't you?" Michael smiled a little, and you took her chin in your free hand.]

"I'm a modern day Shakespeare, what can I say." You placed a kiss on her lips as she laughed.

"Now," you started. "You must be here because you want to hear my opinions on these discoveries I missed, right?" you asked, sounding like an old time news reporter. Michael sat herself up and looked at you adoringly, cuddling into your shoulder so she could see the PADD you had picked up again.

"Of course I do," she managed another laugh and a smile. "Go for it."

And on command, you started at the very first discovery you had all missed, adding your own opinions in here and there. As you babbled on, Michael stole glances at you every now and then, some you caught and some you didn't, yet each one was filled with love. You were her rock, her nerd, waffling on with exaggeration to make her feel better, and she didn't know what she had done to deserve you.

"You're such a nerd, Y/N."

"I'll take that as a compliment, Miss Burnham." Michael laughed airily and leaned up to kiss your jaw. You continued and she listened, occasionally throwing in her own comment or asking questions on things she didn't quite get. The atmosphere was relaxed, calm, and Michael felt her mood and her anxieties drifting away.

"So basically," you finished up your ramble. "Things have been found, ships zoom faster and the pew-pew machines have been upgraded."

You looked down to see Michael laughing at your synopsis, a genuine hearty laugh escaping her lips. You joined in, simply staring at her; she was always beautiful, but when something elicited a proper laugh from her, she looked stunning. Once she had stopped laughing, you looked Michael in the eye.

"Thank you," she started. "For everything. Not just for cheering me up now, but being there when I need you the most."

"Michael, I love you. I'll always be here for you. I have no choice but to love someone who sits through half an hour of me discussing phaser mechanic upgrades, right?"

"You really are my little science geek, I love you, Y/N."

Another laugh between you was shared, a much calmer one, and in that moment work didn't matter. What mattered was that Michael was alright, and she knew she would be, as long as you were by her side.

#star trek #star trek imagine #star trek x reader #star trek discovery #star trek disco #discovery #dis #disco #michael burnham #michael burnham imagine #michael burnham x reader #imagine #x reader

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paris-in-flames · 3 years

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Read through some of your old asks and I'm so embarrassed for myself 😔 Also remember your Hamlet and Romeo are eboys theory? Ahead of your time. I can appreciate it now! Anyway how are you sib?

Oof, that's a mood tbf. Past selves are just like that. They knew so much less stuff and saw the world so much more different! That's weird!

Also, ofc i remember, that's like. One my most favourite things ever <3 /lh. Next to Shakespear and Edgar Ellan Poe starting an emo band- stroke of genius on part of past Styxx and [redacted].

I'm still a little stressed and tired, but we do finish school in a little over a week from now, so i'm really just looking forward to that! How have you been, sib?

#i say '[redacted]' because it's an irl friend but i think you and the other worms spoke to her like. once a while back because i was like #'hey u want to say something to the worm family?' and she said yes #anyways. i think i still have 'romeo was the original e-boy' written in a chemistry notebook somewhere around here lmao #answered #crash-cat #friemds tag

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iamnathanscott · 4 years

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I really paid attention today to the lyrics of Two Ghosts and omg THE LYRICS 😭 MY EMOTIONS I can't believe I haven't sat down and listened to HS1 w/ the lyrics in one go. I wasn't ready! Also, I ate pizza recently and yeaah. I won't be able to eat a whole one skjfjahskd I'm too weak for breadsticks. I can't resist them 😫 anywho! how are you? what was your favorite part in Walls? 💕 - 🐈🎈anon

heeeeey, you’re back!!! 💕 god such a mood! “Tastes so sweet, looks so real. Sounds like something that I used to feel” Shakespeare is shaking my dude!!! HS1 was a wild ride 😭 omg jajsjsjskahskshd yeah that’s fair, I just can’t stop eating it when I start 😭! I’m fine, darling! Preparing myself to go back to uni in a week 🥴 And how are you?? God. The whole thing was my favorite part???? But For every question why, you were my because has my heart!! It’s too loud and too beautiful!! What was you favorite part?? And have you seen the mv???

#answered #🐈🎈

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undadasea · 5 years

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Hello! I came a little late into the YOI fandom but i want to write stuff for it, the stories are so good! The thing is, i've never written for fun before, so i dont know how to like,, do it? (Also i'm kinda shy, and English is not my first language) Do u have any writing tips or any advice you could give me? I love your work!

hi!! first welcome to the fandom! it’s a little quiet right now, yea, but as soon as there’s any news again? i can’t wait to see the fandom rocking again. and second i’m so happy you like my work enough to ask me for advice??? TTwTT i’ll try my best to help!

-okay so aaaaaaaa first just remember that, regardless of what some people may say, there is no right or wrong way to write a character. when you write, you want to write what is genuine to you, what you think the characters would do or say. you think victor secretly swears a lot? cool! you think yurio is trans? dope! you think yuuri and phichit were lovers? awesome! there is so much liberty you can take when writing fanfiction while still staying true to the characters themselves.

for me, i like writing yurio so he is actually a sweetheart, and he just acts mean. is this 100% canon? who knows! who cares! because it’s my personal interpretation of him, it’s how i see his character.

so if it’s something you see the character doing, then have them do it!

-think your story idea is cliche or overused? do it anyway!

listen, take it from someone who has probably read most of the mafia au victuuri fanfiction on ao3. readers don’t care if it’s been done before. sometimes, they look for a story because it’s been done before, and they enjoyed reading it so they want to again! your style is different from other authors, so naturally your story isn’t going to be the exact same.

at this point in history, there are a LOT of stories that have already been done and if you freak out constantly about having a 100% perfectly unique, never been done story, then you are going to scrap so many amazing ideas! your story will ALWAYS be unique because only you can write the story that’s in your head.

please please please never stop writing a story because you don’t think it’s unique enough.

-also, you don’t have to post everything you write. if you just want to mess around and write a few silly things just to get a feel for it, that’s totally ok! i have a lot of stuff that i’ve written and never published for various reasons. sometimes i was just messing around with ideas, or maybe i didn’t like how it was. i have so much really old hetalia fanfiction i wrote when i was younger that i would probably die if it ever got published.

and that’s fine! when i first started writing, i didn’t have the option to publish it, but i still wrote, and i shared it with my sisters.

just try out new techniques, mess around with the way you can word things, play around with how you think a character would respond to something (it’s also a good way to get a feel for the characters) you can just play around and keep those little stories to yourself.

-sometimes you see people who publish a lot of stuff in a short amount of time. good for them! but if you don’t write that fast, don’t worry about it. you don’t have to post something every day in order to gain loyal readers and followers. trust me, those who enjoy your stories will wait forever for you to update, and they will be there when you do post again, with the same amount of excitement.

hell, i’ve waited 2-3 YEARS for an update from someone, and i’m STILL waiting, and i’m STILL checking to see if it’s happened yet. when it finally does? you bet i’m going to read that update with love and tell the author how much i’ve missed the story.

and if you DO write fast, and post lots, guess what? people are going to be so excited every time you post. i promise you that you will get followers who will read everything you write.

-as for actually doing the writing? it can be hard to tell you exactly how to start, because i can’t even remember how i did myself. it just sort of.. happened.

if you want to get into writing the characters out, then i’d recommend just writing small lines first, just to get your head working to learn how to write stories for fun.

“Victor whistled while he walked.” “Yurio sighed as he pet his cat.”

just write small things first, little actions. slowly that can make it’s way into a story.

“Victor whistled as he walked down the street, glancing from house to house. He wondered how everyone was doing. Since his skating accident, he hadn’t seen anyone in ages. Did they miss him?”

“Yurio sighed as he pet his cat, lowering his phone from where he had been scrolling instagram. Yakov had sent him home for ‘bad behavior’ and he was so bored.”

-and if you can’t think of anything to write about, writing prompts are the BEST THING EVER. just search them up on google, pinterest, instagram, or i like to search here on tumblr. sentence prompts, idea prompts, character prompts. the people who write them out are amazing and there are so many great ideas of things to write. actually a lot of i write comes from writing prompts. just take an idea and think “in this scenario, who would be who? what would they do to solve the issue? and how did they even end up in this situation??”

-another good place to get ideas is music, or at least in my case. i love listening to music when i write, too, because it can set the right mood. feel like writing something fun? boppy pop songs. angsty? emo songs. a little crazy? lord knows there are some weird songs out there.

and then there are songs that have stories and you just want twist it just so, and write the characters there. the first song that comes to mind for me is “Whiskey Lullaby” which is a very sad song, with a very sad story. but hell if i haven’t considered writing a story based on it.

-then of course, there’s writing a story based on another one. whether it be based on a shakespeare play, that movie you saw last week, your favorite show, a book you read as a kid, etc. that’s ok too! even writing a story based on a different fanfic. tho of course, you always want to cite your inspiration in this case. i’ve read stories that were based off of others, that they asked if they could write a story in the same world, even. and those stories stood on their own, and i loved them all.

(me, remembering that my biggest story was inspired by someone else-)

-finally, i tell you that numbers are just numbers.

this is something that a lot of people are still trying to learn (me included, sometimes) but numbers are fake.

no matter what number you are looking at, i promise you it’s not worth it to stress out over it.

number of kudos? number a views? number of comments? number of words? number of chapters?

none of it matters. because numbers aren’t a reason to write. write for YOU, and share the gift you have created with others.

ok i can’t really think of much else to tell you and this already got,,, a LOT longer than i meant it to so i’m gonna stop here ;;; what and when and if you write will be up to you.

if there’s anything specific you want to ask me about, either you want me to elaborate on something here, or you want to know about something not mentioned, i will absolutely try my best to help you. if you want another 1,000+ word essay on writing, let me know bc i just looked at the word count for this and almost fainted- this goes for everyone, by the way!

also, i will absolutely read your first story whenever you decide to publish it!! (if you do, ofc) just let me know and i will be your first reader-

#askers #anon #oml i seriously wrote more than 1000 words i'm just-#writing advice #i tried but let me know if it was helpful ok?

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ask-shakespearehigh · 5 years

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Q&A post with the Mods!!!!

This is going to be a long one oh boy

How strict is the delineation of creative control vis-a-vis characters/plays between the mods? (@pedanticlecturer)

We generally have the plays split up along lines of “what we know”— we have a list at the very beginning of the blog. Sometimes we’ll draw the others’ characters (mostly me drawing some of Star’s…) but even then the final say on characterization is up to the “main” mod for that play — mod aster

what aster said -- mod star

What is your favorite play? What is your favorite character in terms of how they were written in the source material? (@pedanticlecturer)

I think my favorite play overall is Macbeth, just because I like the vibes (and the fact that I too could kill Macbeth), the fact that you don’t say it’s name in theatres, and the fact that it’s a play I did a full read through and analysis of in class. Favorite character? Puck from Midsummer. — mod aster

uhhhh,, hmm. ive always had a soft spot for midsummer since i saw it with aster esp bc of how fun the costumes were. of the comedies it has the largest potential to be the most visually pleasing bc of the concept of fairies,,,and im gay and dramatic so i love that. id die if i got to costume design for midsummer,,,or be in it,,,yeah. fav character. hmm. probably mercutio?? i recently saw a version of romeo and juliet where mercutio was played by a woman and oh my god it was amazing!!! not to mention mercutio’s portrayal in baz luhrmann's INCREDIBLE version of r n j!!! (I based my mercutio design on him) he just spends the entire time making dick jokes. love that. -- mod star

How do you answer asks so fast? I mean it's great but I'm impressed 😂 (Anon)

Personally, it’s a mix of: notifications on, quick drawing speed, and using the blog to avoid my class work — mod aster

aster is fast and (as you can see from all of my answers) im lazey -- mod star

Are there any elements/characters of the plays you're covering that you would have liked to work into this blog's plot, but couldn't due to the constraints of the setting or the synthetic nature of the blog? (@pedanticlecturer)

I wanted to make everyone gay but unfortunately due to plot constraints we have to have some hets but that wont stop me from making it lgbt as possible. -- mod star

I did want to make The Tempest more of a central play, but it just didn’t translate well. Similarly, other supernatural elements like the witches in Macbeth. This isn’t so much a constraint mentioned, but my own time/energy means that I want to show the Macbeth backstory, in a specific format, but I can’t right now— mod aster

Is there a hierarchy of import when it comes to each play's individualized impact on shakespeare high's general arc? If so, what plays are crucial to the foundation of the story? Which ones did you do mostly for shits and giggles? (@pedanticlecturer)

This is phrased like an ACT question and i might not answer it right so sorry in advance but: mod aster and i only selected a few plays for each of us to do given we dont know all of shakespeare’s works, but we tend to put more emphasis on the the more well known. But it also comes down to 1. How much we have plotted out for each play and 2. What the followers ask about most. Our two most popular are hamlet and macbeth bc people are familiar w those but around march caesar always becomes relevant again. I didnt even have designs for some of the characters until someone asked about them. -- mod star

I would say the same as star— it generally comes down to what people ask about. I will say that the overall plot is sort of separated into “has happened” and “is happening”. Like, the human potion of Midsummer, Julius Caesar, and Macbeth are all in the “aftermath” portion, while Twelfth Night, Hamlet, and Romeo and Juliet, among others, are happening. We’re trying to incorporate as much as we can, and I don’t think any of them were really put in without some thought.— mod aster

What personal significance does shakespeare hold in ur guys' lives? (@pedanticlecturer)

I go to a theater school rn and so ive dealt w shakespeare (although not all of them) it also helps that i was in loves labours lost last year as moth and that i read hamlet and r n j. Theres also a theater in my state that always does One Big Shakespeare per season and they always do them super well!!! My love for shakespeare probably started w seeing midsummer at that theater w mod aster!!! So. Theater kid rights!! -- mod star

To be honest, I got back into Shakespeare Because of the blog. I’ve been friends with some people that got really Pretentious about Shakespeare, and it kinda put me off of it. I did have a book of abridged plays (the plays’ plots written out in prose, basically) that I read as a kid, which is what got me into not only the plots of a lot of the plays, but also the idea of having them illustrated. And, same as star, the theater in state does the One Big Shakespeare— and they tend to do some really cool things with the costumes, setting them in diff time periods. I haven’t been able to see any lately since I’ve moved, but they still slap. — mod aster

🥰😘💙🥰🥰💜💟🥰I 😍💗💚😍😍LOVE🖤🖤 YALL ♥️♥️🧡💛💚💝❣️💕💘💖💗💓💞💝❤️💛💜 okay now i have a question i swear— how long have the two of you been doing art??? and what were your first shakespeare plays??? (@hellaghosts)

Uhh i started drawing when i was like idk 12 and i have the giant boxes of sketchbooks to prove it!!! I moved to digital art at abt 14-15 but mostly stayed traditional until this yr when i got a Neat New Tablet so some of my sketchbooks are sitting abandoned rip. My first shakespeare was either romeo and juliet or midsummer nights dream and i love both of them v much!!! I have a very old piece of art that i did for r n j for my freshman class assignment on it and it hasnt aged well alsdjfjafd circa 2016 i think??? -- mod star

Oh man. I started drawing when I was about 10, but it was Bad. I don’t think I got much into drawing again until I was about 14? Sometime around the end of middle school/beginning of high school. I would say I started getting into drawing as more than doodling/coloring edits sometime around 2015-16? I would draw on my iPad with my finger, then I got a tablet for my computer, and now I pretty much stick to my iPad with an Apple Pencil. My first Shakespeare play was….. uh…… probably Midsummer???? I have No idea. We would go to plays when I was little, so I honestly don’t remember if I saw others before. It may have been Romeo and Juliet— I had that book where it was the original and the “modernized” with the little dog that explained things— which, if you know it makes sense, but if you don’t is probably a bonkers answer. — mod aster

Do you think this blog has like? An overarching thesis (be it b/c intentionally or simply b/c ur own take on the world has bled thru to the point where u believe it’s central to the piece at this point)? (@pedanticlecturer)

Not gonna lie, I had to read that like three times AND dm you to figure out what you were asking from us and all I have is “be gay, respect women, write your own happy endings”. — mod aster

This blog started with an ides of march shitpost and you think we have enough brain energy to write a whole thesis? I projected feelings of found family onto my half of the blog but idk if that counts. Be gay do crime 420 69 -- mod star

What’s the nature/rough dynamic of ur relationship? How do y’all know each other? (@pedanticlecturer)

Met mod aster when i was like 4 and even tho we didnt live close we became like, best friends although the Best part didnt start until we were like 13-ish and eventually we talked like non stop (about anime and homestuck. Yknow. 13 year old kid things) and we didnt see each other a lot bc of Distance and now its even worse bc aster is in colleg.,e but we consider each other siblings regardless of family bc we’re adopted into our own respective families so that bled over into our friendship and it would feel weird calling him anything other than my brother now. We’ve seen each other at our best and worst and if you really want a good insight on what we’re like as siblings watch griffin and justin mcelroy’s overview video of catlateral damage wherein i am griffin and he is the long suffering justin. -- mod star

Star is basically my long distance sibling and functionally the only cousin I recognize bc like their parents are basically an aunt and uncle and like our dads look enough alike that we’ve both accidentally gotten the wrong dad for a hug or similar so like. Anyways yeah Star is the Griffin to my Justin, complete with our absent middle brother who we love dearly— mod aster

Dubiously relevant q but what kind of music do y’all listen to when u do art (if that is indeed a habit either of u partake in) (@pedanticlecturer)

It can depend on the piece? I was working on some (unrelated) oc prints that were song-focused, and for those I just listened to said song on loop. Sometimes I have playlists. Sometimes I’ll just be in a Mood and throw a song on loop. But a lot of time for the blog, I’ll listen to The Adventure Zone for the billionth time, because I have Too Much Attention. I’ve also, on request from Star, linked the most recent “loop song”.— mod aster

I tend to obsess over the same like 3 songs every few weeks so those get listened to on repeat but it also depends on the tone of what im drawing or who im drawing i might genre switch bc of that. If im drawing ophelia i stick to lana del rey and if im drawing hamlet its the neighborhood, horatio is sufjan stevens etc. i have categorized,. Most of the characters i draw into different songs/genres/energies of music but not like i ever follow that. Sometimes i just pull up a really long nonsense video and forget to draw. Essentially: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ -- mod star

How’d y’all come up with ur pseudonyms? (@pedanticlecturer)

I love space so much and my main blog is starryeydsailor space gay rights!! Im also tiny and full of energy and bright so basically i;m star -- mod star

Uhhhh i was like “hey i want to do uhhhhhh flower?” And then I google searched flower names until I found one I liked —- mod aster

How did you end up deciding the rough timeline of events in canon? (@pedanticlecturer)

It’s mostly determined by like. How we choose per story? If that makes sense. Like, we just take story by story, and decide “is it happening, has it happened, and when?” And then we fit them together in relation to each other just by dint of. All existing at once. Like, I knew I wanted Macbeth to be in aftermath, because like, even though there’s no murder, the way I’ve translated it to the AU is still kinda heavy, and it’s something that I don’t know that I could do properly if it were happening right now. Also, it’s more interesting IMO to have them at different times. Tl;dr we wing it per story and slot them together— mod aster (mod star agrees I just can word better, in theory)

If you could tell the story of shakespeare high in a different format than an ask blog, would you? Obviously y'all are making very good use of the format, but would you want to write this as a animated series or like? a comic book? or is the form inseparable from the story? (@pedanticlecturer)

I kinda wanted to do a webcomic or maybe to plot develop through like, animatics but the element of surprise comes from the asks we get and really makes us think so the blog is a good start. We didnt think we’d get this far -- mod star

Pretty much what Star said— there are certain elements where it’d be neat to do as a comic or as an animatic. Like, the fantasy dream is like, an anthology webcomic of each story, where you can like, see other characters in the background and stuff. But to be honest, we develop a lot by what we’re asked— there was a post about developing worldbuilding by being asked questions and then pretending you’ve thought about the answer, and it’s not far off. Personally, it’s hard to just lay out a story, because I have a whole WORLD and what’s relevant? What are people interested in? It’s by getting questions that I can then focus in on an area to develop. And yeah, we Super didn’t think we’d get this far lmao — mod aster

Any headcanons about your characters that you don't think will ever come up on the blog through asks or plot posts? (@pedanticlecturer)

I could make a whole separate post for this!!!!! Mostly its voice headcanons (and by mostly i mean like 1 or 2) or relationship hcs!!!! -- mod star

Honestly same. I don’t think I have voice headcanons for mine, though I bet I could find some. I’ve got a bunch of miscellaneous headcanons that just kinda float around, but like they’re scattered, too numerous for this post, and also not always things I’m sure are canon yet.— mod aster

#mod post #mod aster #mod star #q and a #birthday #we cant seem to read more AND tag so like brb gonna go kill god

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