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#look I’m not letting that bad therapy scene go
xxpsychwolfxx · 14 hours ago
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I kept getting emotional flashbacks last night to 2013/2014 aka my time. And it’s just so awful. I can just feel the horribleness of everything that happened and it’s really like I’m there.
And at the same time… there comes weirdly good memories that remind me of when things could also be easier. Like when my girlfriend and I would just stay up and watch anime to 4am in the summer and text each other all night. She kept me safe from all the bad stuff. I can’t do that anymore. Most of the time I have work and school and just… it isn’t the same. But those good memories are tainted by the trauma and something else.
I’ve lost my body even tho I was here first. All the other alters ended up taking over by the time I got to high school, and I lost being host. I suffered and then I was gone. I was actively pushed away. I know I needed a break but… none of the other alters wanted me. I know we didn’t know about DID at the time but I know that they hated this part of us aka me. And while I’m host now… it’s not the same. I don’t look like me. In middle school I was edgy and it was fun, but I never got to reach my full potential because of catholic school. High school me could have gone harder cuz of the change to public school. No matter what I do now, it’ll never be me fully. We present as Jasper- a guy who is plain and unassuming, queer looking at best. No scene hair. No makeup. No edgy clothes with spikes. No boots. And our partner tells us we can still do most of those things- and I try- but holy shit it isn’t me. I feel trapped. I wouldn’t be as upset if I didn’t have a chance of living this way prior but I did. I got to feel what it’s like. I miss it.
God the flashbacks are bad and just stir up so many fucking emotions. I’m dreading the move because I don’t know what it’ll do to me. This room I’m in holds both good and bad memories but they’re mine. I’ve been improving in therapy but I’m still stuck in the past and I’m struggling to move on. It’s hard to let go of the trauma because it’s so essential to who I am even tho it fuckinf sucks and I don’t want it. I’m so contradictory and it’s confusing.
My appearance to me matters. My experience as myself matters. I don’t have my old looks or my old best friends who remember me as me. At least online I can make some connection to myself. But god it tears me apart and I don’t know what to do.
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outrunningthedark · 6 days ago
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I was asked to list the 911 episodes that contain significant moments for Buddie’s relationship so here we go (feat. highlights):
2.01 [Under Pressure]
🌈 “Who the hell is that?”
🌈 “We might end up real close.”
🌈 “You can have my back any day.” //“Yeah. Or, you know, you could...you could have mine.”
2.03 [Help Is Not Coming]
🌈 “Whoa, you got a kid?”
“Christopher. He’s seven.”
“And super adorable. I, uh. I love kids.”
“I love this one. I’m all he’s got.”
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2.04 [Stuck]
Just watch the episode. That’s my advice.
2.06 [Dosed]
🌈 Buck assumes Maddie is referring to Eddie when she says “He is so cute.” “Yeah, he gets that a lot. You should meet his kid, though.”
2.08 [Buck, Actually]
🌈 Thomas + Mitchell’s love story: “You don’t find it, son. You make it.”
2.10 [Merry Ex-Mas]
🌈 “You two have an adorable son.”
2.13 [Fight or Flight]
🌈 Eddie is there for Buck after Maddie has been kidnapped by Doug. “This isn’t your fault.”
2.18 [This Life We Choose]
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3.01 [Kids Today]
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🌈 Christopher gives Buck a card to congratulate him on returning to work: “Buck, you are an awesome firefighter. Love, Christopher.”
🌈 Eddie lets himself into Buck’s apartment and drags Buck out of bed to spend time with Christopher
🌈 Buck and Christopher have a day of fun (before disaster strikes)
🌈 Christopher assures Buck “You’re gonna be okay, kid.”
3.02 [Sink or Swim]
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(Meanwhile, he has no idea that Buck and Christopher are caught up in the tsunami.)
3.03 [The Searchers]
🌈 Buck looks for a missing Christopher (he places Christopher’s glasses around his neck after retrieving them from the water)
🌈 Buck asks Maddie “How do you tell your best friend that you lost his son?”
🌈 Buck collapses in relief after Eddie is reunited with Christopher, who isn’t severely hurt
🎵 you won’t ever be alone, wait for me to come home 🎵 (If I gave you highlights of the ending I’d be quoting the entire dialogue.)
3.05 [Rage]
🌈 “No, because he filed a stupid lawsuit and now I can’t even talk to you because of it. You know how much Christopher misses you? How could you? You’re not around.”
3.06 [Monsters]
🌈 Buck tells Eddie “I just want you to talk to me. Even if it’s just to say that you’re still mad.”
Eddie: “I’m not mad...When you decided to sue the department, to make Cap the bad guy, did you ever stop for a minute to think what that could do to us?”
🌈 “I really am sorry. So, whatever it takes for you to forgive me...”
“I forgive you...Just don’t do it again.” *cue last time they’ve hugged in canon*
3.09 [Fallout]
🌈 “Buck was on the pier when the tsunami hit. He’s kind of obsessed with natural disasters.”
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🌈 The Kitchen Scene™
🌈 Eddie says playing video games with Buck and Christopher is “my kind of therapy”.
3.10 [The Christmas Spirit]
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(Eddie’s expression while watching Buck play with Christopher and Denny.)
🌈 Christopher asks Buck if he can spend Christmas with him since Eddie is working. Buck admits he will also be working. Christopher is unamused. (“Stupid work.”)
🌈 Athena and Buck team up to bring everybody’s family to the firehouse for a Christmas celebration. Buck watches Eddie and Christopher embrace, then later helps Christopher open a gift.
3.11 [Seize the Day]
🌈 “Uh, this is Eddie’s house. I’m not really a guest.”
3.12 [Fools]
🌈 Buck and Eddie construct an adaptive skateboard for Christopher and are both present the first time he tries it out
3.15 [Eddie Begins]
🌈 Buck digs his hands through the dirt and mud after Eddie gets trapped underground. (“Eddie! No! Eddie!”) Bobby has to pull him back.
🌈 Buck believes he is the one who should go down in the well to rescue Eddie. Hen asks, “So we can end up with two cut lines?”
🌈 Eddie recalls bits & pieces of his life as he fights to survive. Buck is part of the montage (along with Christopher and Shannon).
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3.16 [The One That Got Away]
🌈 Eddie tells Buck that the 118 will never stop being a family no matter what the future holds (In hindsight, we now understand why he said that.)
3.18 [What’s Next?]
🌈 Buck is not thrilled with the idea of Christopher attending summer camp: “Woah, woah. Two weeks away from home? Isn’t Chris kind of young for that? I mean, what if something happens? What if he gets homesick?”
🌈 Buck and Eddie come face-to-face with Abby Clark, Buck’s ex-girlfriend, while attempting to rescue victims of a train crash. It is the first time Eddie has seen her in person.
🌈 Buck is willing to risk his life to fulfill a promise he makes to Abby (save her fiancé). Eddie is not happy about this and argues with Buck in front of Bobby.
🌈 Eddie: “His fiancée’s Abby.”
🌈 Eddie joins Buck as he watches Abby leave the scene of the crash with her fiancé.
“You okay?” // “What’s next?”
🌈 Buckley-Diaz cuteness at May’s high school graduation party
4.01 [Alone Together]
🌈 All you need to know is that Eddie, Hen, and Chimney quarantined at Buck’s apartment during the beginning stages of COVID-19.
4.03 [Future Tense]
🌈 Buckley-Diaz game nights are still going strong, making it canon that Buck is the only other adult Christopher has spent time with during the pandemic (He has yet to see Carla, Abuela, or Pepa.)
🌈 Buck and Christopher “prank” Eddie by sending him an expensive coffee maker to poke fun at his fear of technology
4.04 [9-1-1, What’s Your Grievance?]
🌈 Eddie watches Buck take out his anger towards his parents on the punching bag. He tells Buck he doesn’t need to apologize to them for his recent behavior if he didn’t “say anything that wasn’t true”.
🌈 “I just want to hit things.” *Eddie stalls the swaying bag with his hand.* “I’ve been down that road. I don’t recommend it.”
4.05 [Buck Begins]
🌈 “I had to do it.” // “I know you did.”
4.06 [Jinx]
🌈 “Check.” ☑️
🌈 Eddie is “still not sure what inspired the [Buck 3.0] software update.”
4.08 [Breaking Point]
🌈 click here for a detailed analysis of the interaction between Buddie when Eddie comes home after his date by my friend @yramesoruniverse
🌈 click here for an in-depth look at the conversation between Buck and Christopher after Christopher took an Uber to Buck’s apartment without Eddie’s knowledge
4.12 [Treasure Hunt]
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Buck: “...” “How do you feel about 33-and-a-third?”
4.13 [Suspicion]
A must watch.
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4.14 [Survivors]
You can’t watch 4.13 and NOT check out the finale.
“Because, Evan...”
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sophfandoms53 · 12 days ago
I love that you’re planning to discuss topics that society has deemed unacceptable and/or awkward like sexualities because I feel that it brings a new, lifelike, relatable layer to each character! I know not everyone is going to agree with what you’re doing, so I admire your bravery. I’m curious though, since Chase has been stated to be dyslexic, does that mean that any other characters have disorders? I hate using that word but I don’t know how else to phrase it. Sorry if I’m being too awkward!
Aw thank you! And yeah based off the previous ask, there are gonna ppl who disagree with this, unfortunately. But I’m really glad I’m able to give each character different layers and have so many of you support that, it means so much!
I think maybe another word you could’ve been looking for is disabilities? I may have that wrong but this is a really interesting question!
Like you mentioned, Chase deals with dyslexia but he’s also occasionally deals with an abnormal heart condition from time to time, it was really bad when he was a baby but things have gotten better with it as he got older and with treatment, but that doesn’t mean it’s gone. This was something I introduced in my original story and it’ll stay for the rewrite.
Troy struggles with asthma, although his really bad attacks are few and far between, and he keeps an inhaler with him often.
Once Dewey’s home he’ll be struggling with PTSD and nightmares about his experience Mars and this creates a constant fear he’ll always let his family down. While I do plan to have Dewey say some “gotta cope with jokes” moments, there’s only so much a person can go through and joke about without someone raising an eyebrow and wanting to push them to get help, so after the breaking point (a scene I’ve been planning for awhile) that’s when Dewey seeks help with a therapist and then with doctors for his physical injuries. I think Dewey is also ADHD coded, at least he’s presented that way a lot of the time, hence his constant impulsive behaviors and hyperactivity, so that’s something of his that has remained too, in a different way since he’s older.
I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before but Webby has been actively seeing a therapist for a few years and struggles with anxiety but her therapy has helped her in how to deal with it and manage it.
Canonically Huey deals with anger issues and (admittedly this one is more fanon than canon but the coding is there) is heavily implied to be autistic, so his McDuck temper and all his little stimming and comfort actions will be referenced throughout the AU.
Shelly, although much better than her teenage-young adult years, still sometimes struggles with an eating disorder but that only becomes really bad when she’s filled to the brim with stress and anxiety over things and she’ll continually skip meals and not take care of herself. And while not as bad as Huey’s, Shelly’s got her own anger issues too. There is also another aspect about Shelly that I really wanna say but I can’t, because if I do it’ll raise a lot of questions and spoil something I have planned to explore down the line so for now that’ll remain as the good ol’ spoilers file.
Even Emily has somethings she’ll be dealing with it, but again, that’s also a spoiler and we shall talk about that another time.
Oh and Lena also struggles with PTSD and anger about Magica and still lowkey disliking her own magic which becomes worse when she comes back to normal after her corruption and realizes what that magic has done to Aurora. Lena can’t catch a break, forgive me Lena.
Louie also deals with an anxiety disorder and he deals with in a different way than both Huey and Webby do.
Rt the whole duck family has anxiety, it would seem.
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bellasberrycobbler · 20 days ago
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This is my third to last not twilight, hunger games post, bcus i only have two more things to say lmao
THE HUNGER GAMES MOVIES ARE THE MOST FUCKING META THING I HAVE EVER LAID EYES ON AND THE MAKERS HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA THAT THAT IS WHAT THEY’VE CREATED
First of all, by aging all the characters down, it’s not absolutely fucking horrifying anymore. As far as I know (forgive me, I’m bad at math), Amandla Stenberg was 14 when she played Rue, which is a wholeass TWO years older than Rue’s actual 12. You might be wont to say, “two years isn’t that much” but the difference between 12 and 14 is like 6th grade-7th grade to 9th grade-10th grade. It’s middle school vs. high school underclassman.
All the characters being aged up makes it so that when we watch the movie, we are watching grown children/teens kill each other, rather than actual children. That already sanitises the bloodbath and makes the games easier to view as enjoyment.
Second, let’s look at the promotional posters.
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Does this look like, “I am a frightened child who is being forced to fight to the death by an authoritarian government” to you? Or does this look like a poster that the Capitol would shoot to show us the hype of the Hunger Games. Does Katniss look like she does not want to be a part of this, or does she look stoic and confident? Cato is the only one in character, and he is brain-washed by the Capitol and ends up dead because the Capitol convinced the districts this was a way to win honour and victory. Even then, in the movie, they took out the way that Cato dies, which I can’t sleep thinking about.
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Does this poster say, I have PTSD, and I spent the first two movies locked in a loveless relationship feeling trapped by everything, and moving on to being a sad, traumatised, disposable puppet in the last two by another authoritarian government? Or does it look like a Propo shot by 13.
I think you can figure it out for yourself. I don’t need to explain why the movies are clearly the height of Capitol logic, BUT NEVERTHELESS I SHALL. The story of the Hunger Games is not about RESILIENCE AND POWER. It’s about having no other options. It’s about Gale and all these other teen soldiers realising that they have two options: live as slaves or quite probably die creating a better future. People who go out of their way to break the law in order to survive (Gale’s poaching for ex.) aren’t suicidal. They’re willing to lay down their life because this is the ONLY PATH TOWARDS FREEDOM. Johanna is not walking into the Quarter Quell, axing ppl because she is brave or courageous. She has no other options. The movies aren’t here to give us helplessness turning into a revolution. They’re here to sell us the glamour of what fighting for something can mean. They’re profiting off of these children killing each other, by making them look brave and badass. Height of Capitol once again.
Third, we know how many times they revised the movie to get a lower rating, we know how much they removed and hid. There are so many moments in all the movies where they could show us something clearly, the blood, the guts, the loss of life, but instead they show us weird blurred shots that end as soon as they start. They quite literally sanitised the movie to make more money. They hid the true horror, so that we, the audience, could be the largest demographic possible, and also we could sit there and enjoy it as much as possible. This movie is now, not only aged up, badass-ified, but also nearly completely non-violent.
I have pretty severe anxiety, my friends need to vet the movies I watch because I’m so deeply impacted by violent imagery and scenes, and I’m a Korean American actress who has yet to watch Parasite because all my friends have told me that I’d be crying in therapy for the next year. I am the most delicate piece of garbage in the world and can’t stand to watch human suffering. The Hunger Games was not hard to watch. I never had to look away, bcus there was nothing to look away FROM. They took away all the horrifying bits and just showed us the remainder. It’s a gameshow. Isn’t it exciting! Let’s make bows as memorabilia. Let’s sell posters of each of the tributes looking as cool as possible. HEIGHT OF CAPITOL.
And last, the whole Team Peeta Team Gale thing was REALLY played up by the movie makers. That I feel like is more justifiable, because that has less to do with Capitol directly, but it does reek of star-crossed lovers in the Hunger Games. Just go look at promotional posters for Mockingjay. They’re either of Katniss looking cool as hell, or Katniss looking cool as hell in the middle of Gale and Peeta. Another thing that really bothered me is how they overlayed Finnick talking about being a sex slave since he was 14, and they overlayed that with Gale and Peeta about to die. They took a plot point about pedophilia, and made it the soundtrack to a rescue mission. In the books, Finnick is clearly triggered by presenting all this information, and they have to make sure he’s ok multiple times, but in the movie Sam Claflin looks directly in the camera, sexy as hell, level voice, a little bit of vocal fry, “I’m very sexy and I got sexy information.” It was really gross and disturbing. It genuinely made me very upset. I’m so upset about it, and I’m still processing it, so finding the words to describe why it was so profoundly disturbing is hard, but as a person who has been raped, I was really angered by it. It was a narrative tool for a love triangle rather than a character’s story. It was spectacle, rather than a man who’s been deeply traumatised and abused repeatedly. There is something really fucking slimy and disgusting about how they played that.
At every point in the making of the movies, the movie makers saw the most Capitol option they could take and RAN towards it, arms wide open, ready to embrace ANYTHING if it meant they made more money. There is nothing more deeply indicative of Capitol than that. They made a movie series that could be used as a metaphor itself, and BE the allegory, and they had no fucking idea. Or maybe they did, which would be quite a bit worse.
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amandadeibert · 22 days ago
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A Love Letter to Parents At the End of The Most Difficult School Year EVER
WOW, that was really something, huh?
It’s the end of the most difficult year school for all of us: teachers, parents, students… Hell, probably even the neighbors of parents and students. I would say “at least we survived!” but this has been more than a year of illness and mental health crises… not all of us did. Some of you are mourning those loses. I am so sorry.
As my daughter celebrates her final day of Kindergarten, and I celebrate my final day of supervising hours of zooms and packets full of work, of being her mother, teacher, confidant, chef, maid, PE teacher, and playmate… I have a lot of emotions. I’m sure you do too.
It was hard for those of us who, like my family, spent the entire year in virtual school: never meeting teachers or classmates in person. Those of us who spent so much of the year trying not to worry about excessive screen time while going against our intuition to coax children to sit up and pay attention to their computers.
It was difficult for families who did hybrid and had their bits of in-person “normalcy” sporadicly and suddenly turned to quarantines every time there was an exposure so that there could never be a true routine.
It was complicated for parents navigating this with multiple children who all needed different things at the same time. I know in my daughter’s own little kindergarten class we over-heard older siblings’ music lessons, younger siblings’ infant-wails, and parents trying to deal with their work zooms while 6 year olds struggled to concentrate on learning to read.
My heart especially goes out to the parents of children who need extra attention or services, some of whom lost out on months or a year of in-person therapies. This is unfair and horrible. This has been infuriating, unfair, and horrible. You have been dealing with far more worries than you should have had to and I am so sorry.
And then there’s work… whew. As a working mother who went to work in person in full PPE, then worked from home with endless Zoom meetings while my daughter put Elsa stick-on earrings all over my face, and then who lost my job due to pandemic related situations. I know it was difficult to work and teach and parent and be a child’s only friend and entertainment.
For those of you who are essential, for those of you who work in healthcare and mental healthcare… I just, I can’t even begin to tell you how much I admire you and also know my admiration doesn’t do a fucking ounce of good to help alleviate all you’ve had to juggle and endure.
So much has fallen disproportionality on mothers. We can see it in hard data. This will have ramifications for years to come. Just as it will on our kids… in ways we don’t even fully understand yet. Just while trying to write this essay…. my daughter and our kitten have crawled into my lap. They are both here right now.
And yes, I know plenty of amazing Dads who have been struggling right there with us. My dad-friends and I have leaned on each other TREMENDOUSLY this year, so please don’t think I don’t see you out there struggling through this too.
As I look back over this past school year (and the end of the academic year before) I am feeling sad for the milestones my child didn’t get to have. The things we didn’t experience as planned. The fond farewell to her preschool of 3 years we never had. The kindergarten teacher she never met in person. The first year at an elementary school where we haven’t yet been inside the building. I have so much dread for the coming separation anxiety after more than a year of never being apart. Hers and mine. This was not how things were supposed to be. No matter how you’ve experienced the pandemic, because we’re all doing it differently… this was not what we “planned.” It’s also not something anyone else alive has ever had to deal with before.
I want to stress that again:
No parent alive has ever dealt with anything like this. No one alive has experienced anything like this as a child. Bad things? Yes. Worse thing? Yes, even. But not THIS.
So if your parents/elders are giving unhelpful “advice” about how you should/should have handled things please remember THEY HAVE NO IDEA. None. At all.
This is one area where you can laugh and laugh and be like… “YOU HAD OPEN PARKS AND SCHOOLS AND KIDS COULD GO RIDE THEIR BIKES UNRESTRICTED. YOU COULD GO SIT IN CHURCH AND THE KIDS WOULD BE IN SUNDAY SCHOOL. YOU CAN NOPE RIGHT OFF.” Love them. Love their advice, but they don’t actually know what it is like.
I hope they are offering love and support. I don’t have living parents, but my grandmother is the first to say that even as a stay at home mom whose husband was away fighting a war, she can’t imagine being unable to simply take her kids to school or to run errands, or to let them play with other children. Her situation was very difficult and complicated. I don’t have it worse. Not at all. It’s just that this school year has been one hell of a weird one.
There have been bright spots. I loved getting to watch and experience my daughter learning in real time. Seeing the day-to-day progress and truly knowing what is going on in her classes. Again, that isn’t the experience for parents who have children unable to access their child’s IEP help in the way they should.
I love the extra time we’ve gotten together as a family. The movie nights outside and snuggles and lack of rushing around from place to place. I enjoy as an Angeleno not being stuck in traffic for hours. Not everyone has been able to work from home like my wife and I have mostly been able to do for much of this and I am grateful for that too.
My hope is that when this is truly over, when we get back to whatever new life looks like in the next school year, that some of the good will stay. That I will be more involved in our child’s education than maybe I would have been before because I know what it looks like. That we will spend more time as a family together just us. That I won’t say “yes” to things out of obligation that don’t add value to our lives. That we won’t be too busy.That’s probably naive, but we can sure try.
I hope that you have some bright spots to look back on from this past school year. I hope you can share them with your children and they can share theirs with you. Whatever you had to do to get through this, I am so outrageously proud of you. I am proud of me too. And wow, our kids. They’ve been through some shit. I’m super proud of them.
Please, please take some time to celebrate what you have managed to get through. I got cupcakes for the kiddo and some cocktails for grownups. Please do whatever version of that sparks some happiness.
PUNT THAT SCHOOL-ISSUED LAPTOP INTO THE SUN.
I mean, yeah okay, we’ll all responsibly return it fully charged and be so grateful to the school system that we didn’t have to use Mommy’s work laptop for it but you know… metaphorically it’s that scene from Office Space. (Your kids wouldn’t get this joke but this isn’t for them. JUST LIKE THE COCKTAIL/CHOCOLATE/BUBBLEBATH/WHATEVER YOU ARE GONNA DO TO CELEBRATE YOU )
Anyway, you are amazing. Maybe you don’t feel like many people noticed. I see you. I’m toasting you from this weird half-teacher’s lounge we share.
If you’d like to share some of your brightest spots, or most amazing, brilliant parent hacks from all this madness, I would love to read about it in the comments. We’ve got to hold onto the good.
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Yeah now that you bring up Bobby and Buck, I just.... didn’t like that entire scene at the fire station. Bobby was like if you already know what I’m gonna say then why are we even having this discussion? You never change. Or whatever he said. I didn’t like it. I know he was frustrated with Buck but dude in my opinion Buck shouldn’t have even been working because Bobby and everyone like Hen and Chim knew he was messed the hell up from seeing Eddie get shot in front of him. And I know that Buck probably wanted the distraction from thinking about the shooting and feeling guilty or whatever so he went to work, but how did Bobby expect Buck to react on his first shift after witnessing that? Did he think Buck was just gonna be quiet and stand in the background as a man bled out when he could help? He knows how Buck is. He knows Buck’s feelings about himself and how he would do anything for everyone. He knows all of this and he was still like you were reckless I’m mad you are always gonna do whatever you’re gonna do. Like no he isn’t the same Buck as he once was. He acted like that because he felt like garbage and he was in a very low point, thinking his life was worth less than everyone else’s. That’s not when you should be yelling at him about whatever. He should have been asking Buck how he is, checking in on him instead of yelling that Buck never changes. Because Buck HAS changed. He’s matured he was just severely upset and didn’t think about anything, let alone his own safety. Buck definitely could have taken off that first shift back but he didn’t. And Bobby probably knew Buck wouldn’t so why did he even act like that towards Buck. I just didn’t like that. And then someone else was like Buck is gonna Buck. I feel like they don’t understand him sometimes but maybe that’s just me. They know Buck, but idk. Eddie was the one to tell him no Evan (to get his attention and to get him to really understand), you think you’re expendable but you’re not. Even if this wasn’t about the shooting and there was no sniper on the loose, if this was a regular episode and the man was still up there hurt, Buck probably still would have climbed up and done it. He knows it’s dangerous but he’s not thinking about that in the moment a lot of times he just wants to help. And when he can’t help and something happens, he feels bad. And Bobby knows that so why even get annoyed and bitchy with Buck about it. They all know why Buck acts the way he does but sometimes I feel like they don’t, especially Bobby. Does this make sense? The look on Buck’s face during the firehouse scene with Bobby made me so mad because why would Bobby be so upset with Buck when he knows how Buck is. He knows Buck wouldn’t probably take off after all that, he knows Buck just wants to help people. Bobby was just like screw that I know how you are but you’re still the same. When I think that is so insulting to Buck who was not only traumatized and sad in that entire episode and that call, but also because Buck knows he, himself, has matured and changed. He makes an effort with therapy and just on his own. He has always been hard on himself and he was especially hard on himself THAT episode, feeling like it would have been better if he got shot instead of Eddie. Feeling like he wish he could have done more, so he went up and helped the guy on the call. I just didn’t like that entire scene at all
Me neither, that scene was bad and Bobby was way out of line, maybe he should have that conversation with Athena too, because the woman likes to go alone to every emergency and so on, that sounds reckless to me too.
And even if sometimes Buck does do something stupidly dangerous (like climbing that crate), he has shown time and time again that he has good critical thinking and is able to look for solutions very quickly (the bowling scene, the ‘of course you want to do a rope rescue’, etc).
So that was extremely unfair.
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theconstantsidekick · 23 days ago
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Power Broker (5) | b.b
Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Stark!Reader, Past Steve Rogers x Stark!Reader, OC x Stark!Reader (brief)
Genre: Fluff with a touch of angst.
Summary: Bucky breaks out Zemo. Sam suggests they need help handling him, seeing as he can push Bucky’s buttons unlike anyone else. So they go to the only person who can handle both Bucky and Zemo, the only Stark left in the Superhero business… well kind of. Only problem is, she seems reluctant.
Warnings: Swearing, I guess? 
a/n: These are snippets of scenes that introduce y/n into the story as a character without making drastic changes. The plot points remain mostly same as they take place in The Falcon and The Winter Soldier, except that y/n is also a main character with them. The rest of the MCU events stay the same as well. No drastic retcons. The reader is not only a Stark but also enhanced. Thanks for you support. And oh, I guess the tag list is open?
sidenote: y/f/n is your full name. y/n is a shortened version which you prefer to go by.
Power Broker (4) | Power Broker (6) | Series Masterlist
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“You know you were supposed to keep the in-fighting to a minimum, not be the in-fighting,” Sam says as he slides in next to Y/n where she’s leaning at the bar, with a drink in her hand.
“If he’d stop pissing me off, I’d stop threatening him with bodily harm,” She replies. It’s not rocket science.
Sam smiles in response, “Can’t really argue with that.”
They’ve both got their backs to the bar as they look out over the sea of people dancing away like their lives depend on it.
Y/n looks over at him with a smile of her own, “Don’t act like you don’t enjoy it.”
Sam laughs, “Can’t argue with that either.” 
He turns around, ordering a club soda for himself. “Hey look,” he begins. She already knows where this is going but she likes him too much. So she lets him continue, “I’m sorry, I should’ve checked in with you after the funeral, it just—”
“Wasn’t your responsibility,” she finishes.
“To call up your friend after she’s been through some really rough shit?” Sam argues.
The bartender hands him his drink.
“Look man, we all had our own lives to deal with—” she tries but Sam cuts her off.
“But I should have at least called.”
“If we’re really going by that logic, it was my responsibility to look out for Wanda, and look how that turned out,” Y/n says regretfully. She should’ve kept an eye on her, she’s just a kid who’d lost everything and fuck if Y/n can’t relate to that. 
“That’s different,” Sam argues.
“How?” She throws back.
Sam lets out a heavy breath, “Fine, maybe it isn’t… maybe we’re all screwing up, okay?” And that she can agree with. She desperately wishes that there was a handbook she could refer to for dealing with the aftermath of fighting Alien Barney & friends.
He turns back to her, “But I’m trying now… So, how are you?”
“Pretty damn shitty, Sam.” She replies honestly because there isn’t a point in lying right now. She’s already revealed half her hand, but she’s pretty intent on keeping it contained to just that. So she adds with a smirk, “and dying to dance.”
She finishes the rest of her drink in one sip and makes her way through the crowd to the man she’s been ogling since the whole shindig started.
“Hey,” she says, tapping on his shoulder.
He turns around from where he was staring at Sharon’s impressive art collection to look at her. When he sees it’s her, he seems shocked for a second, but recovers quickly. “Hi.”
“I need your help,” she says innocently and his guard is up in an instant.
“What’s wrong?” He asks hurriedly.
“Sam’s trying to have a deep meaningful therapy session where we talk about our feelings. Now, I’ll never be one to object to some cathartic crying and a nice warm hug from a big strong man, but I’d rather not do it in the middle of a club while we’re on a mission, ya dig?”
He looks at her like she asked him if drinking expired milk was a bad idea. He remains speechless for a while and then, “...and I can help with that, how?” He sounds so utterly confused.
She holds up her hand as an invitation, having learnt her lesson from last time about not touching without permission, and asks, “Dance with me?”
Now, if someone were to tell her that they saw the great Bucky Barnes fluster and fumble over like a teenager, she would’ve laughed at their faces. Yet here she is, watching him do just that. 
“I don—I don’t know how to dance,” Bucky says, stumbling over his words. But he’s already taking her hand. “Not to this kinda music, at least.”
She can’t help the smile that lights up on her face as she begins pulling him to the dance floor, “Not much art to it, Sarge. Just move your body to the beat,” she says, leaning close to his ear. “I’ll show you how.” She winks at him.
Did she… just… wink at him? Did she really just wink at him?
She doesn’t have time to chastise herself any more because he’s wearing a soft blush on his cheeks—and god if that isn’t the most sinfully adorable thing she’s seen in a while—and the song is changing, the people are screaming. So she does what she came on here to do; she dances.
She begins to sway with the music, moving her hips from side to side. She hasn’t danced since... Well, a while. She misses it. Bucky however, looks entirely lost. She can’t help but laugh. He just grunts his displeasure at her reaction. She throws her hands up in mock defense before slowly moving to put her hand on his shoulder, while carefully gauging his reaction to her movement. 
If you wanna run away with me, I know a galaxy
And I can take you for a ride
I had a premonition that we fell into a rhythm
Where the music don't stop for life
He doesn’t shy away, but just to be sure she asks, “This okay?” He nods in response, so she puts the other one on his shoulder as well.
She begins moving her shoulders but Bucky remains still.
Glitter in the sky, glitter in my eyes
Shining just the way I like
If you're feeling like you need a little bit of company
You met me at the perfect time
“You gotta work with me here, James,” She urges. “Come on, no one gives two shits about you here.”
“And that’s a good thing because...?” He cocks an eyebrow.
“Because that means you get to do whatever the fuck you want,” She replies with a smile, grabbing a hold of his hand, pushing herself back and spinning back into him.
She crashes right into his chest, stumbling only a bit and suddenly Bucky’s hands are on her waist steadying her. Their faces are barely a few inches apart. Before she can stop herself, her eyes flicker down to glance at his lips. But the moment she catches herself, she look back up at his seriously blue eyes. He seems hesitant but she only smiles in response, hoping to ease whatever apprehensions he might have. And it seems to work.
His grip on her waist tightens just a bit as she wraps her arms around his shoulders. And they begin to move as one. It’s mostly her leading him but he’s following along well enough for someone who hasn’t done this before. He begins to relax into the actions and starts getting comfortable. She can tell ‘cause his shoulders have relaxed significantly.
You want me, I want you, baby
My sugarboo, I'm levitating
The Milky Way, we're renegading
Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah
She molds him, maneuvering him to make them move together. And slowly but surely they almost begin to get lost in it. 
He pushes her away, holding her arm and then pulls her back in. Her back is pressed to his chest, while his arms are circling her waist, hands intertwined with hers. They’re both laughing now. His breath caressing her ear gently, as he does.
I got you, moonlight, you're my starlight
I need you, all night. Come on, dance with me
I’m levitating
You, moonlight, you’re my starlight,
I need you, all night. Come on, dance with me
I’m levitating
And fuck her gently with a chainsaw. She wants to see him laugh so she sways herself to the beat, turning around to face him again but it’s too late. But come on! Tony would be rolling over in his grave if she quit that easily. If she wants to see him laugh, she’ll just have to do it herself. 
So she begins singing along.
And it works like a fucking charm, cause he’s laughing now. Heartily, shamelessly, laughing. It’s the sweetest fucking sight she’s seen. It’s like the sun just popped out in this grungy congested room filled with people she doesn’t know. And even all the neon lights in the world cannot even compare. Fuck, the sun itself might not be this… fucking beautiful.
My love is like a rocket, watch it blast off
And I'm feeling so electric, dance my ass off
And even if I wanted to, I can't stop
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
His laughs die down and she misses it the moment it’s gone, but he’s still wearing a smile. She’ll take it. 
They’re moving still, only barely but mostly he’s just looking at her and for the life of her she cannot bring herself to look away. Because he’s looking at her, and looking at her, and looking at her, and in that moment she forgets that there could ever be a world outside of those torturously cerulean blue eyes.
That is, until some clears their throat next to her and her whole body stuns.
“Fancy seeing you here,” the man says when she looks at him, “darling.”
Motherfucker.
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“Is that your—” Bucky begins.
“Yep,” she answers before he can finish that sentence. And the fucker in front of her just smiles.
“The guy from the apartment this morni—” Bucky tries again.
“Yep.”
“He’s—”
“Yep.”
"Told you, you were going to do some Avengers shit," the man in front of her says with a cocky smile.
She reluctantly pulls herself out of Bucky’s arms grabbing the man’s wrist, pulling him to the side, next to the paintings, “What do you want?”
“Ouch, you’re being awfully mean,” he chides. She lets go of his wrist. “I mean, imagine my surprise when I heard that the Falcon and the Winter Soldier,” he looks over behind her, and it’s only then she realizes that both Sam and Bucky are flanking her, “were seen in a shady little bar in Low Town with a deadly but gorgeous woman.” He clicks his tongue. “You came all the way here and didn’t even think to say ‘hi’? You’ve really hurt my feelings, darling.”
Her shock is fading away now, so she gives him a pointed look. “Hi,” she deadpans. He laughs.
“What the hell is going on?” Sam asks.
“For once, I really don’t know,” she replies and begins looking him over.
“Oh, don’t look at me like that,” The man in front of her, in a striking wine red suit, chides.
“Like what?” She asks.
“Like you’re sizing me up, counting my men,” he says looking over the crowd, “assessing the situation, like I’m a threat…” He looks back at her, “You’re literally counting the exits as I speak,” he says exasperated. “Look at me, Y/n.”
The use of her name makes her turn to him.
“I am not a threat to you. I’m not here to jeopardize whatever you’re doing. I would never do that to you. So can you please, calm down?” His eyes show genuine concern. And she does, at some level, trust him enough so she does, calm down. But then he adds, “Besides, I’m not cruel enough to exact my revenge by blowing your cover.”
“Revenge for what?” She’s confused and kinda pissed off.
“Breaking my heart,” he smiles, that charming fucker.
“How the fuck did I do that?” She asks.
“Ignorance is a coward's way out, darling.”
“You asked if we could go move in together, as a couple!” She shouts.
“And you shut me down without a second thought,” he replies easily.
“That does seem awfully cruel, Y/F/N,” Zemo interrupts. And where the fuck did he come from?
“Not that I’m looking for you approval,” she says to Zemo, “but it was pillowtalk—” 
“Doesn’t make it any less meaningful just because it was post coitus,” Zemo interrupts.
“The coitus was with someone else!” She throws back.
She can hear Sam ooh behind her. 
“Oh come on, it’s not like we’re exclusive,” he pitches with a smile.
But before she can respond to him by kicking him in the balls, “Okay, what the hell is your boytoy doing here?” Sam asks, finally having had enough.
“The boytoy has a name,” Zemo interjects, extending his hand, “Malcolm Brekker... Your reputation precedes you.”
“Why does Zemo know your boytoy?” Sam sounds like he’s about to have an aneurysm. She can relate.
“Likewise, Baron Zemo,” Malcolm says as he shakes Zemo’s hand.
“And why does you boytoy know Zemo?” Sam shouts.
“I’m quite a huge fan of your work,” Malcolm continues, with a smile.
She’s going to murder a man in the middle of a party, with nothing but her bare hands. That’s what’s about to happen, a gore-tastic assassination. But his annoyingly charming smile makes her realize he’s just fucking with her.
All three of them fix him with a pointed look. 
“Objectively speaking,” he throws his hands up in mock defense, while feigning unconvincing innocence.
“You done now?” She asks, frustrated.
“Depends, are you annoyed?” He asks.
“Very.”
“How much? Rate it, on the scale of 1 to 10.”
“A solid 7.”
“7? I was going for a 9.”
“Blame him,” she says, pointing at Zemo, “He raised the bar too damn high.”
“Am I interrupting something?” Sharon’s voice cuts in from behind her. All four of them turn to look at her.
“Yes. Please continue,” Y/n urges.
“Umm, okay. I got something,” she states.
“Great,” Bucky cheers. And she’s not sure, but he sounds… pissed. “Let’s go,” He usher Sam and her. 
“See you around, darling” Malcolm says smugly.
“You better hope not, boytoy,” Bucky throws back.
With one last look at Malcolm’s coy laugh, she turns around and begins following Sharon.
“So, Brekker?” She asks as all five of them begin making their way up the stairs.
“I’m not really in the mood for judgement,” Y/n says, annoyed. She isn’t drunk enough for this interaction.
“Oh, no no. I am not judging you. If anything I’m jealous!” She says laughing. “Wait, should I be jealous?” She raises her eyebrows in interest.
Now that throws Y/n for a spin, “Not that he’s forbidden fruit or anything… but ooh yes. Well worth your jealousy.” She smiles.
“Nice,” Sharon remarks with her own smile.
“Can we get back to the mission, please?” Bucky speaks up. And yep, definitely pissed. Oops.
“Oh yeah, I found him.” Sharon states simply.
“Let’s go,” Sam says.
Read part 6 here. Find series masterlist here.
tag list: @thisisparadisemylove @justab-eautifulmess @intothesoul @buckyisperfect @aryksworld @ceo-of-daichi @ireadthensuetheauthors @fckdeusername​ @hotleaf-juice @itspetitfantomestuff ​
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Text
You weren’t supposed to
This is a part of a series of scenes I’ve thought up while trying to fall asleep and if someone wants, I can write the rest of them. I already have one up. 
I’ve used a name and a quirk and I think at some point I will make these into an actual fanfiction out of these. 
I absolutely adore Denki, Sero and Uraraka, but I had to have someone say something so I had to use them so I chose at random.
TRIGGER WRNING! Depression, Attempted suicide, Angst, Heavy themes,
Ketsueki sat in his English class that was taught by present Mic, and he was trying his hardest to focus on the lesson since it seemed important. Mic was talking about the importance of therapy in the present day, especially among the heroes since they face the most loss and guilt. “There are a lot of heroes who face depression, and they end up committing suicide, so therapy is often offered to heroes for free for this reason.” Mic said with a serious tone and Denki scoffed and said “That’s just pathetic. If you’re that sensitive then you don’t even deserve to be a hero.” “Someone who is selfish enough to decide that their own feelings go above saving others deserves to feel like that.” Uraraka butted in and Denki nodded his head in agreement and no one else, but Bakugo noticed how Ketsueki was clutching his desk and his knuckles were white. Shinsou wasn’t in class since he was feeling sick, and he had elected to stay in his dorm.
“Yeah, they should just go through with their thoughts.” Sero said and Mic began to say “Hey now-” at the same time as Bakugo yelled out “Shut up you shitty extras!” Ketsueki stood up from his chair and slammed his hands down on the desk and speaks in a low, angry tone “Oh, So I don’t deserve to be a hero then? Do you think I’m fucking pathetic, huh? I deserve to want to die? You want to see what the world does to people? You think it’s all so perfect, but let me show you what the world has made me do!” Ketsueki then angrily rips up the sleeves of his dress shirt and jacket to show off his scars. Most of them were white and well healed, but there were thick red lines among them and there was barely any untouched space at all below his elbows. “That’s not what we-” Denki began to say, but Ketsueki shoved past him and stomped out of the class and said, “And I even considered you my friends.”
Bakugo got up to follow, but Mic said “Bakugo sit down and let the adults handle this.” Bakugo stopped for a moment and then walked out of the class but when he walked into the hallway Ketsueki was nowhere to be found. Bakugo ran towards the rooftop and made a call. Unbeknownst to Katsuki, Ketsueki knew not to go to the roof anymore. 
The class looked at each other and then ran out as Mic called Aizawa in a hurry. 
Ketsueki flew higher as the words of his friends rang in his head and memories began to flood his head. He began to panic as he realised what he had done. The whole class knew now. Ketsueki flew higher until he heard his phone ring, and he heard Katsuki yelling somewhere below him. Ketsueki took out his phone and he answered it as he brought the phone to his ear. “Get down from there you shitty brat!” Katsuki’s voice rang through clearly and Ketsueki couldn’t help the tears that began to roll down his cheeks. His classmates were right, he needs to fix the situation. “Bakugo Katsuki, I love you. Just remember none of this is your fault, and you could have done nothing better. I won’t let you stop me. Tell Shinsou the same thing. Don’t feel guilty because I was weak. They were right you know. I’m selfish, and I really shouldn’t become a hero. I love you. It’s going to be okay.” Ketsueki’s voice cracked multiple times and before Bakugo could try to argue with him, he hung up and turned to look down. He saw his whole class beside for Shinsou and Aizawa there. He really wished they’d turn around, so they wouldn’t be traumatized.
Time seemed to slow for everyone as Ketsueki let his wings retreat into his back and he began to fall. Bakugo watched with horror as Ketsueki began to fall, and he was frozen in place. The class watching from the ground began to tear up, and it took everyone else except Mic time to realise that he wasn’t going to catch himself.
Ketsueki felt relief flood his system as he felt the wind rush past him and tears continued to fall from his eyes. He laughed like a maniac. He couldn’t believe that it would all be over soon, and he would be free for the first time ever.
Tokoyami was the first person to make a move as he used dark Shadow to fly towards Ketsueki, but Six tentacles erupted from his back and smacked the two away. The next to move was Todoroki, who tried to use his ice to catch him, but Ketsueki used his tentacles to break all of it. Ketsueki began to get even closer to the ground and suddenly his tentacles retreated into his back and something wraps around his ankle, and suddenly he’s being pulled down.
“NO!” Ketsueki yelled as he looked down to see Shinsou had his capture weapon wrapped around his leg. Shinsou caught Ketsueki in his arms and Ketsueki stood before him and he began to hit Shinsou in the chest as he sobbed and said “No, Shinsou. You weren’t supposed to do that. Aizawa wasn’t supposed to be here. You weren’t supposed to save me!” He began to sob into Shinsou’s shoulder and Shinsou wrapped his arm around his waist and the other held his head and he comfortingly said “Hey, it’s okay. We’re gonna be okay.” “It’s not okay.” Ketsueki said quietly. 
The class watched worriedly as they had never seen the boy be so vulnerable. He had never acted anything else than confident and happy. They would never have guessed that he was feeling so horrible, and they couldn’t do anything. When they tried to walk closer, Shinsou glared at them all, and they stopped walking and Bakugo ran towards the two at the centre of all the attention. 
Bakugo glared at his classmates as he came to a stop next to Shinsou and Ketsueki. He wrapped his arms around Ketsueki, and he softly said “You scared the shit out of me you shitty brat. Don’t do that again.” Ketsueki turned to hug Bakugo and he continued sobbing. “Please, make it go away. It hurts so bad. I can’t do this. I was supposed to be dead. Make it go away, please.” Ketsueki pleaded to the two and Shinsou said “Ketsueki, it’ll be okay.” “No it’s not!” Ketsueki yelled then suddenly stopped all movement and Shinsou said “Now, Fall asleep.” Ketsueki followed his orders and slumped against Katsuki, who picked him up in his arms. The two sadly looked at the sleeping boy as Aizawa approached them calmly. 
“Take him to his room for now and make sure he isn’t alone when he wakes up. We’ll arrange a meeting, and we’ll arrange a meeting with a counsellor.” Aizawa said and then turned away from the three and towards his class and said “Now, back to class. We’ll discuss this later. Until then, not a word of it. Some of you need to learn that heroes are under a lot of pressure every day. Even before they are heroes.” Aizawa then walked away and Mic ushered everyone back to class while Bakugo carried Ketsueki into his dorm and Shinsou followed.
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sugarandspace · 28 days ago
Text
Tomorrow Will Be a New Day
Summary: “The guilt that you carry,” Buck says. “It doesn’t help. I speak from experience when I say that it only isolates you. Sometimes it’s difficult to accept that there are things you can’t control. Accidents happen. All you can do is do your best, and when it’s a person you love, you never have to second guess if you did enough. There is no point for what-ifs, because I know that you love your sister and I know that you did all you could.”
Alternative take on 4x01 and 4x02 where Athena helps Sylvia Mays, the agoraphobic woman who struggles to leave her house when she's supposed to evacuate. In this version it’s Buck there with her instead of Athena.
Warnings: depression, mentions of passive death wish, agoraphobia, injuries, off-screen car accident (but the fic has a hopeful ending)
A/N:This fic is for my good friend @spark-draws! Our chaotic watch parties are one of the highlights of my week so I wanted to write you a fic that is inspired by one of the first episodes we watched “together” and the conversation that followed. Happy birthday Spark, I hope you have a day as amazing as you are! 💙
Another important note: We both loved the scene in the show, Athena is wonderful and we wouldn’t have wanted it to go any different in canon. This is simply just an AU I wrote for fun, because Buck giving that motivational speech felt fitting as well and I wanted to explore that! This fic does borrow some lines from the show, but it doesn’t follow the exact dialogue or actions.
AO3
“Okay listen up,” Bobby starts as their truck comes to a stop in one of the neighborhoods in the Hollywood area. “LAPD is understaffed and needs our help evacuating the residents in the area. Knock on the doors and make sure that all residents still in their homes leave immediately. We’ll keep in contact through the radio to keep track of how we’re doing. Remember to be as quick as possible, there is a high risk of a landslide in this area and we have no way to know when it might hit.”
Both Buck and Eddie confirm that they understand the orders and get out of the truck. Hen and Chim took the ambulance and are helping people in the area that was affected by the dam breaking so it’s just the three of them right now.  
“I’ll go that way,” Eddie says and points in one direction. Buck nods and looks the other way.
“I’ll go there,” Buck says and then adds. “Be safe. And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
Instead of a proper reply, all Buck gets is a laugh as Eddie starts walking away from him. It brings a smile to Buck’s lips as he starts walking towards the first house on his street.
It’s monotonous work. Most of the houses are already empty, no one coming to the door when Buck rings the doorbell. In the rest of the houses people are just about to leave. When Buck reaches the last house on the street and rings the doorbell only to have no one open the door, he assumes the residents have already left. That is until he sees a curtain move in one of the windows as he’s turning away.
Buck turns back to the door then and rings the doorbell again, adding in a shout of “LAFD. You need to evacuate the house immediately!”
The door opens, and the same woman who Buck saw on the window stands before Buck. The door is only open a fraction, preventing Buck from seeing inside.
“Thank you,” the woman says. “I was just about to leave.”
She goes to push the door closed but Buck stops her.
“I don’t see a car in the driveway,” Buck says. “Do you have a way of getting out of here?”
“Oh,” the lady seems surprised but recovers fast. “I’m getting a ride from my neighbor.”
That sets off more alarm bells in Buck’s head. 
“Ma’am,” he starts. “All your neighbors have already left.”
The woman in front of him clearly struggles with coming up with a response to that, so Buck speaks again.
“Can I come inside?” He asks, because a million different scenarios are going through his head, one of them being that maybe there’s another person in the house, holding the woman hostage and not letting her leave. “Just while you get your things. We can leave together.”
It’s obvious that the woman doesn’t particularly want to let Buck inside, but she steps aside nevertheless and smiles politely, “Of course.”
Buck goes inside and to his slight surprise, everything looks very normal. 
“I’m Evan Buckley,” he says, deciding that it’s probably fair to introduce himself now that he’s invited himself to her home. “But everyone calls me Buck.”
“I’m Sylvia Mays,” the woman replies.
“Do you work from home Sylvia?” Buck asks as he notices a desk in the room. The computer is open and there are some papers on the desk.
“Doesn’t everyone these days?” She asks, going for lighthearted but she still seems nervous. “I’m a consultant in the medical field.”
Buck nods.
“I think it would be best for you to take what you need so we could start going,” Buck says. “We really don’t know how long it’s going to be safe in here.”
“You can go ahead,” she says and smiles politely. “I’m going to leave when I’m ready.”
She seems nervous and hesitant and Buck really doesn’t believe her words, and he says as much.
“I’m sorry,” he starts. “But I really don’t think you will.”
It’s like the woman’s mask cracks as she lets out a long breath and speaks.
“I can’t leave. If I do I have a panic attack and I can go to cardiac arrest,” she speaks in a rush.
“Because of what’s happening outside or have you been feeling like that for a longer time?” Buck asks, trying to understand.
“Seven years,” she says.
“You weren't going to leave,” Buck says, more of a statement than a question.
“You don’t know what it’s like,” she says, and she’s right. Buck doesn’t know what it’s like to stay inside your home for that long, but he does know that sometimes it’s hard to leave the house. How sometimes the outside world can feel like a lot. And he tells her that.
“I was injured a little over a year ago,” he starts. “I didn’t want to leave my apartment. I wanted everyone to leave me alone. And at first they did. I needed physical therapy and it took me about six months to be able to walk without pain or crutches. I didn’t want to leave my apartment because it reminded me of everything I couldn’t do - I didn’t see a point in leaving. But I have a friend who didn’t let me stay like that for too long. I’m really grateful for him and how he pushed me to leave my apartment.”
“I don’t have anyone,” she says with a surety that startles Buck. “And not everything heals in six months.”
“It was difficult,” Buck admits. “The hardest part was to take the first step. I kept telling myself that tomorrow I’ll do it. Tomorrow I’ll ask if one of my friends would like to meet somewhere for coffee. Then the tomorrow would come and I would find a reason not to do it. It got to the point where I knew I was lying to myself, but I still kept counting on that tomorrow to be a better day. I needed a push from a friend to actually take that step.”
“I’m lying too,” she admits. “Shoes, makeup, outfit. It's a game I play with myself. That I go outside but I never do.”
“Maybe today you could,” Buck says kindly. “Take that first step. Don’t think about anything that will follow that. Just come outside with me. The landslide might be here any minute and the area where your house is is very dangerous. ”
“Maybe I should stay,” Sylvia says.
Buck is about to reply, with what he’s not sure, but they are interrupted by Buck’s radio.
“Diaz, Buckley, what’s your status?”
Buck hears Eddie respond, “Checked all the houses. Heading back to the truck right now.”
“Come with me,” Buck says and nods towards the still open front door. “You don’t need to go alone.”
She nods hesitantly and Buck radios to Bobby.
“About to leave the last house. I have a civilian with me who doesn’t have transport so I’m bringing her with me.”
“Copy that,”  Bobby replies. “The truck will be ready to leave when you arrive.”
“We better get going,” Buck says and steps outside, expecting Sylvia to follow. She takes a few steps towards the door but stops right in front of it, hesitating.
“Come on,” Buck says kindly and reaches his hand towards her. “You can do it.”
“I don’t think I can,” she says and takes a step backward, getting ready to slam the door to Buck's face but he’s quicker and is able to put his foot into the house, stopping her from closing the door.
Unfortunately, that’s the moment the ground shakes under them and they both fall into the house.
-.-.-
It takes a moment for Buck to get his bearings when he wakes up. The moment he does he starts searching for Sylvia. The house is a mess, the furniture all over the place now that the house has tipped. After a moment of searching he finds Sylvia, and she looks okay.
“Are you alright?” Buck asks to be sure.
“No,” she replies, but there’s humor in her voice and Buck takes that as a sign that she’s not really injured.
“Me neither,” Buck replies honestly. “We need to find our way out of here.”
Immediately he starts looking for possible ways out. He knows that the ground might shift more any minute and that they have no idea how stable the house is. 
“This is why I don’t leave the house. Bad things happen,” Sylvia says, and Buck can’t tell if she’s joking or not.
“Pretty sure this happened in the house,” Buck replies and smiles at her, to which he gets a smile in reply. Then he tries to use his radio. “This is Buckley. We were still in the house when the landslide came. We’re okay but finding it difficult to get out of here. The building seems very unstable.”
He waits for a moment but no reply comes through. Buck hopes that it is because the radio isn’t working, not because Bobby and Eddie are unable to answer.
“Okay,” Buck says, trying his best to focus on the problem at hand. The faster they get out of there the faster he’ll find out about the rest of his team. He can hear a helicopter in the distance, probably circling the area to find survivors. “We need to climb to the window to alert the choppers.”
They look at the window on the far wall. The climb there won’t be easy since the house has tipped and there’s a lot of broken furniture on their way, along with pieces of the house’s structure. It looks dangerous and Buck can’t wait to be out of there.
Sylvia nods and they start climbing towards the window.
They make good progress at first. Buck waits for her and helps her at parts that are more challenging, and he’s starting to feel hopeful about getting out of there before it’s completely dark outside. He can tell that the sun will be setting soon and after that the chances that the rescue helicopter will find them get significantly lower.
It’s like the universe caught his moment of optimistic thinking because that’s when the building starts to shake and they both lose their footing.
-.-.-
Buck must have passed out for a moment because he wakes up from the floor. He gets up and looks around in the golden light of the setting sun, but can’t see Sylvia.
“Sylvia!” He yells. “Sylvia, can you hear me?”
He gets no reply but when he looks around more, he spots her further down with her eyes closed. She’s pinned under a large piece of concrete.
“Hold on, I’m coming down there!”
Buck slides down to where she is, and his yelling must have woken her up because she starts opening her eyes.
“Hey,” Buck says as she groans in pain. “Where does it hurt? Can you move?”
“Barely,” she replies. “This thing is crushing me. It’s really heavy. My chest hurts. Do you think something is broken?”
“It’s hard to tell without seeing, but there is a chance you have some broken or at least bruised ribs,” Buck says. He’s no paramedic but it doesn’t take one to figure out that the heavy piece of concrete on top of her might have cracked some ribs. “How’s your breathing?”
“I’m getting oxygen if that’s what you’re asking,” she replies, her voice weak and a little breathless.
“Good,” Buck says. “That’s good. Focus on that. Let’s get this off you.”
Buck grabs the piece of concrete and tries to lift it with all his strength it but it barely moves. Buck sees Sylvia grimace in pain at the smallest shift of the concrete.
“We are going to get you out of here,” Buck tells her. He looks around trying to find anything that could help them. ”I need something to use as leverage.”
“It’s too heavy and you’re wasting your time,” Sylvia argues. “The longer we stay there’s a chance neither of us is getting out of here.”
“I’m not leaving you here,” Buck responds immediately. “We are both getting out of here.”
“I deserve this,” Sylvia says, and she sounds sure of her words. Buck is about to argue but then she continues.
“I deserve it because I never should have survived in the first place. It was a car accident, I was driving. My sister was in the passenger seat. Another car came out of nowhere and I survived and my sister didn’t,” she takes a breath and Buck’s heart breaks a little at hearing all that pain in her voice, pain that has nothing to do with being pinned. “Afterwards everyone said that I should get back out there and move on with my life but without my sister in the world, I wanted to be in it less. Eventually, I just stopped going outside at all.”
“You gave up on yourself,” Buck says, understanding where she’s coming from. “On life.”
“Wouldn’t you?” She asks before she answers her own question. “Of course you wouldn’t. You're not a weak person.”
“I’m not as strong as you think I am,” Buck admits. He can see how lowly she thinks of herself and how she seems to think that Buck has it all together. He’s not comfortable with going into details with this stranger but he’s ready to share something if it means that she’ll see that it’s worth it to fight. He might not know how badly she’s hurting, but he has a sister as well, and he tells her as much.
“I’m sorry that happened to you. I can’t even imagine how you must feel. I have a sister as well, her name is Maddie. She’s my big sister and I wouldn’t be the person I am without her. She practically raised me. She’s always there for me when I need her, even when she doesn't really understand or when I don’t think I’m really deserving of her sympathy. I pushed everyone away when I was injured. They gave me time and while a part of me appreciated being left alone, a part of me wanted to scream at them to see through it. I pushed them away because I wanted to think that I was strong, but in reality, being alone just made me weak.”
“I used to have this really good friend,'' she says. “We used to go for a walk in the park in the neighborhood every Sunday. She was there for me when the accident happened, but as time went on I kept pushing and pushing and eventually she just never came over again. The messages ended. I was so blinded by my guilt that I lost her too.”
“The guilt that you carry,” Buck says. “It doesn’t help. I speak from experience when I say that it only isolates you. Sometimes it’s difficult to accept that there are things you can’t control. Accidents happen. All you can do is do your best, and when it’s a person you love, you never have to second guess if you did enough. There is no point for what-ifs because I know that you love your sister and I know that you did all you could.”
“I couldn’t save her,” she says.
“But you can still save yourself,” Buck says as he spots a metal beam that he’s able to lift and place under the piece of concrete. “There is help out there. People to talk to. People who can help you process through the grief and the guilt, be that person a professional or a friend.”
“It hurts,” she says, and Buck knows she’s not talking about physical pain. 
“But you can do it,” he says. Then, before she has time to argue, “When I lift, you push.”
She nods and when they are both ready, Buck starts to count.
“One, two, three... Push!”
It’s hard work and it takes them a moment but eventually, they are able to lift the concrete enough and she’s able to slide from under it. 
“Thank you for not leaving me,” she says sincerely as they are both catching their breath.
“Don’t thank me yet,” Buck says with a smile. “We still gotta climb out of here.”
“Well,” Sylvia says, looking up at the window, “We better get moving then.”
-.-.-
The climb down from the window to the ground is thankfully relatively easy. The downside is that it has gotten dark, and as Buck tests his radio, he finds it still quiet. It makes their situation difficult, but it also calms his mind a little, because he knows that the problem is in his radio. He should be able to hear someone on at least one of the channels, even if Bobby and Eddie were unable to reply.
Which they aren't, Buck keeps telling himself.
Buck is wearing his helmet and he switches on the light on the side of it. He knows it will do very little in notifying the helicopter above them of their location, the light of it too weak to be spotted from the darkness. He knows screaming will be useless since the sound of the helicopter will drown it completely.
“Any ideas of how to get their attention?” Buck asks Sylvia, hoping that she has come up with something that he hasn’t.
She looks around and seems to spot something a little away from them. Buck follows her as she stops by a car.
“I have an idea,” she says and bumps the car with her hip. Immediately the alarm in the car starts beeping, the car’s lights flickering brightly.
“How did you know to do that?” Buck asks, impressed but also a little confused.
“The owner of the car lives a few houses away from me,” she explains. “I hear the car alarm near daily. I know how easy it is to trigger.”
They look up at the sky as they hear the chopper turn in their direction. Buck lifts his hand to shield his eyes from the light and he can spot Bobby in it. It makes him breathe a little easier.
“We did it, Sylvia,” he says and smiles at her. “Good work.”
She smiles back at him and they start walking towards where the helicopter landed.
“Eddie?” Buck asks immediately as they climb into the helicopter.
“Is safe,” Bobby replies. “The part of the neighborhood where you were was the only one affected by that landslide. We were able to drive away and start the rescue operation to find you two.”
“Figures,” Buck says and rolls his eyes at his bad luck. Then he explains to Bobby. “My radio is broken, I wasn’t able to contact you.” 
Bobby gives him a nod.
He looks to his side where Sylvia is sitting next to him, looking nervous. Buck doesn’t know if it is because of what happened, because it’s her first time in a helicopter, or because it’s the first time in seven years that she’s out of her house. It’s quite possible that it’s a little bit of everything.
“Hey,” Buck says, making sure she’s looking at him when he speaks next. “You’re going to be fine.”
She smiles then, a small one but a smile nevertheless. Buck watches her close her eyes as the wind blows her hair around, and he thinks she’ll be okay. He knows it’s going to be a long road that’s not always going to be easy, but from experience, he can tell that sometimes taking the first step is the hardest part and that even though it takes strength, all that’s left to do after that is to keep going.
“I bet the first time you left the house wasn’t as dramatic,” she says. Buck likes this version of her, can see that she has a good sense of humor. He grins wide when he replies.
“Actually,” he says. “I went to the pier and it got hit by a tsunami.”
Her eyes widen in shock but then she laughs, a bright and loud sound in the helicopter.
“You’re kidding,” she says, shaking her head. 
“I’m not,” Buck says between his own laughter.
“Sadly I can confirm that he’s telling the truth,” Bobby says. He’s not laughing but there’s a smile on his face.
The rest of the flight is quiet, but it’s a comfortable silence and Buck doesn’t try to fill it with conversation. It’s been an eventful day and it’s going to take Sylvia a while to process, but Buck hopes that after today all that potential of the hopeful tomorrow will be a little easier for her to reach.
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praphit · a month ago
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“The Woman in the Window” ~ by Cocky Ass Joe
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Amy Adams is one of my fave actors! From the trailer for this flick (based off a novel) we see that they're taking a bite out of the classic apple that is "Rear Window". 
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Man, he looks perverted, doesn’t he?? Ha! He’s like “Awwyeah.” And she’s like “Is that mofo staring at me?! Is he zooming in?!”
(There was another one too, right?? - with Superman in it??)
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Superman don’t need no zoom lens :)
Instead of a middle aged white man peeking through the window at you, it's Amy Adams!
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Imagine that - You're home. It's late, you're tired, and you happen to look out of your window to see Amy Adams staring back at you from the home across the street. Creepy, right?? Even though it's the Double A Train (her name on the streets) looking at you, it's creepy. I can't decide whether it's scarier for her to be stoically looking back at you or with a smile.  
Amy has got some issues: agoraphobia, marriage problems, and she's a drunken pill-popper.
I kinda felt like a drunken pill-popper in the beginning of this movie, cuz it's a lil hard to follow at the beginning. The pace is weird.
Joe Wright is the director of this movie. 
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He has done "Pride & Prejudice" (boring white people romance), "Hanna" (white girl killing people), "Peter Pan" (lil white boy prancing around in his pajamas), and "Darkest Hour" (old white people in World War 2). Those were all relatively successful projects, but he's all over the place. I can respect a diverse portfolio, but... can we master one first?? Kinda cocky, right?? He's resume is also blindingly white :) I'm joking... kinda. Let me stop. I don't know... at least there are some black people in this movie. And for all I know, Joe has been wanting to do a live action "Bebe's Kids" and Hollywood simply won't let him. 
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I'll leave Joe alone.
But, I don't know what he's going for in this movie. You'd think that with the template of "Rear Window" I would, but I don't.
There's a whole lot going on, but it isn't well put together. It starts off with an asshole therapist, but why is he an asshole? What's his game? Who knows?? We're thrust into the madness of Amy. We'll understand eventually, but "eventually" takes too long.
Her husband is played by the new Captain America.
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Her tenant is played by a wannabe Captain America. 
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What's up with the cast of "Falcon and The Winter Soldier" being in here? Explain that one, Joe!
Maybe the Double A Train has got some sort of Capt fetish. I was expecting Chris Evans to be one of her neighbors.
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But, you didn't go that route did you, Joe??!
Amy's character keeps passing out, and when she wakes up there's always some new random stranger greeting her - which would have been cool, if done right... JOE. Instead I just felt lost. Who are these people? Does Amy not have a lock for her front door? Why is she talking with them like they've been friends forever and not kungfuing them out of her home?!
Again, maybe I'm being too hard on Joe Wright. Perhaps it's just a bad script. But, that would mean that heavy-hitters like Amy Adams, Gary Oldman, and Julianne Moore all swung and missed when they read it.
Nah, I'm going to blame cocky ass Joe! Let's add "fumbling a remake to a classic" to his resume. As well as wasting the performance of MVP actors The Double A Train and Gary OG Oldman, and the new guy on the block... good ol what's-his-face 
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who plays a troubled kid in here. He was excellent! But, I don't even know his name nor do I care to learn it, thanks to this sorry remake.... dammit, Joe!
Look, if you get the gist of "Rear Window", then you get the plot of this movie:
Are you crazy? or do you just look crazy? Can't really trust yourself when you're in an isolated scenario... or can you??
Plus, with this one we've got more gaslighting going on, the fears that some women hold when it comes to dealing with unstable men, crappy therapy, drugs/alcohol addiction, mental health - whew! and an action scene! Amy taking and giving blows, baby!
All of this is actually good! If done well, these elements would have been great!
Amy's performance gets better and better as the film goes on. There's a scene where she's in a room by herself, just flexing her skills.
Gary too! - There's a slap that he delivers to what's-his-face (who plays his son in this). I don't know how he practiced for this - whether he was going from highschool to highschool slapping teenagers or whether they just did 50+ takes of it, but that's a TOP 10 Movie Slap right there. He meant that shit!
Everything I just spoke of should have led to an outstanding flick, but...
Joe in all of his cocky glory had to move too quickly through scenes. He had to skip over the audience learning to feel the progression of dynamics between the characters. He, apparently, had an aversion to soaking up the talent that he had on set!
Despite all that, I have to consider those elements I mentioned that I loved, so I can't fail this movie, BUT I also can't recommend it. Unless you watch it and fast forward to the slap heard round the neighborhood.
Grade: D
I always say, with songs, that if you're going to cover one, it should respect the original, but find a way to be different. If you can't do that, don't do it.
Perhaps they could had totally mimicked the 1954 version of "Rear Window" frame for frame, word for word. Use this cast to match up with theirs. Have Amy Adams dress as Jimmy Stewart. Talk the same way he used to, and even get herself a wheelchair. Double A Train can pull off anything. Then, at the end, her and Gary could change it up and have a slap battle in the rain or something.- loser gets deemed as crazy.
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sadspencer · a month ago
i don't want to be pain in the ass but why in season 15 they put a storyline of leaving the unit for five diferent characters? Like???? I get it it was the end of series, but they could be more creative with that. ( i know the latest seasons were bad, but it looks like the writers weren't even trying).
I don't want to bring Rossi in here (for obvious reasons) but I need to say that with his characters the leaving story line was good. He was to old to be in the FBI anyway.
But then is Prentiss who could became a FBI director and she blow up her chance by bad desicion. But wasn't Prentiss always saying that she don't like politics and she prefers to be in the field actually saving people? So like she wouldn't want to become one not when she still was good to work in the field. I get that they wanted to make her first female director, but still... It doesn't sound like the same character who thought politics break families and bring misery for people.
I am not big fan of JJ in that seasons and I hate that after she went back in season 7 she was very ambitious and had superiority complecs. So of corse she would take the job to be some kind of a unit chief in New Orlean. She was giving me vibes she wants to show everyone how capable of everything she is. And I hate how there was this narrative that they are family and don't leave others behind, but in the first possible moment she wants to leave the team for a job with more recognision. Poor Will, he once again needs to move out away from his life...
And there's Penelope. While she didn't like all terible things that were happening and looking at crime scene photos, but she loved her job and working with them all. I think for her would be best if she take sabbatical to help non profit organisation not completely leave the team. Not couting Reid she was the one most affected by everyone leaving or almost dying... She wouldn't left them, not it that moment.(If I remember corectly it was kinda out of the blue).
And I think that with Reid the leaving the team storyline would work. Yeah he gained family when he joined the team all those years ago so that was the reason he didn't want to let go, he would be alone if not the team. But like he got only misery for working in the FBI, Hankel, getting shot, prison, Cat etc. And in season 13 he found something that he's passoniate about and that doesn't cost him his mental health. So him leaving would be cool. To finally try to find happiness. But in the finale they made it like stay in BAU or die... So once again misery.
Anyway, I think it's kinda lame they went with the same storyline (diferent reasons but still) for five characters that were the longest in the show... Sorry for dropping once again something so long in the ask. Feel free to not respond. :) I am glad I got it off my chest and sorry for bad english.
Love u <33
oh yeah i totally agree, i kind of really disliked the ending
honestly rossi should've left so long ago. he was literally sixty-seven years old in the last season, there's no way he should've been allowed to stay for that long ((even though i think he ended up staying?? like he changed his mind at the last minute if i remember right, which was so stupid))
i can't lie - i didn't like prentiss as unit chief very much. it might just be because i prefer hotch but either way, i think she was better as a regular agent. i feel like it would've been fun if prentiss stayed at interpol and just helped them every now and then, you know?? then we could've had penelope being excited about england more
i'm honestly not sure how to feel about jj leaving. i think i just kind of disliked everything after she become a profiler instead of the media liason, she just didn't seem right
yeah from what i remember, penelope leaving really was out of the blue. i think it makes sense that she'd want to get away from the horrors of the job and i'm glad she chose something that would make her happy at least but yeah, it kinda was just random
honestly when reid was at therapy talking about how his whole life revolves around his job, i thought that was setting it up for him leaving the team for a permanent teaching position or something. i just want him to be happy:(
i actually really enjoy the long asks, thank you for sending them:) also your english is really good, don't worry about it!! <3<3
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multismileee · a month ago
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911 4X13 COMMENTARY (LITERALLY WHILE IM WATCHING IT) - this is going to be pretty long
The first call about the Bridezilla was so funny, the way that Buck just give out random information about makeup while everyone else is just staring at him like of course he knew that, the way Chim was ready to walk forward when they were doing the SPARTCUS moment, Hen holding him back, and Eddie’s “Good luck with the wedding” with a small thumbs up LMAOO 
Omg no, I hope that Hen’s mom is okay.
I’m glad they brought back Vanessa Marano, I love her.
David, Michael, May, and Harry playing charades... don’t touch me, they are so cute.
Uh oh, Bobby acting weird. I think he relapsed and started drinking again which would explain the need for the shower. 
Hahaha Hen’s mom not being a fan of any of the exotic food is so funny
OH NO, SHE COLLAPSED!!! Please, she better be okay.
I know this is not important but the way Hen matched her mask to her outfit... Icon 😍
SOMEONE HOLD ME BACK, THIS DOCTOR ABOUT TO GET THIS HANDS RATED E FOR EVERYONE.
The blatant racism is disgusting, I’m so glad that 911 is talking about this and how the doctor is clearly dismissive because she is a black woman and omg the comment on her weight ugh disgusting.
Eddieana gross, sorry I will never like them together.
Christopher is so adorable (also he looks so much older omg) and Eddie wanting the sofa to be perfect for the mystery guest, awww.
CARLAAAAAA YES I MISSED HER!!
Aww no Carla’s dad :(
“it’s easy being with her” yes because that’s what it should be like when you’re dating someone (I am totally being sarcastic if you cannot tell)
Carla is such a queen, “Make sure you’re following your heart, and not Christopher” AHHHHH, please manifesting an Eddieana breakup scene.
Aww the two cakes for the two birthdays they missed with Carla, I’m so soft!!
Omg the way he glances at Ana and Christopher like he’s thinking about Carla’s words :0
Oh no, Maddie is definitely not okay. She seems tired and just very withdrawn :(
That call was intense, I feel like there’s more to Charlie and the women that meets the eye.
I knew it, his shirt smelled like bourbon. Unless this is a whole misunderstanding, but it seems unlikely.
I knew something was off with Bobby during the pileup in episode 11 and that it was going to come up again.
Charlie and Christopher talking is so cute aw.
Suspicious, I have a bad feeling about his “mom”.
YES I LOVE HEN AND CHIM MOMENTS, their friendship is so cute.
Omg small backstory moment about Chim and his mom?? we love to see it.
Hen and her med school buddies trying to figure out what’s wrong with Hen’s mom is a scene I didn’t know I needed but I’m so glad we got it.
Omg not her collapsing again, and it being really bad. Let’s hope she didn’t rupture it because I cannot deal with Hen’s mom dying.
Jee-Yun is adorable, but I hate hearing her cry
Omg nooo Maddie probably thinks she’s a bad mom because she feels like she can’t help Jee-Yun stop crying and she already had doubts that she was going to be a bad mom because of her parents :( Buckley parents, if you see this, I despise you,
Hen going off on the doctor, period as she should.
“we” THE AUDACITY. How dare he try to take any credit for something he missed because he didn’t want to listen to the patient and that a group of med students caught in 5 minutes.
Chris wanting to give things away to help Charlie aww stop they are so cute.
Look I was never the biggest fan of Ana, she’s nice but seemed kind of bland as a character but she’s really pulling through this episode.
Yesss Ana, thank you for realizing something is up with this woman.
Poor Athena, she’s trying to be supportive but Bobby is being distant anyways :(
YAY HER MOM IS OKAY, LET’S GOOOO!
“I won’t be here forever” If this is foreshadowing Hen’s mom’s death, I am going to cry.
Omg no, She’s poisoning him with EYE DROPS!!! What in the world is wrong with her. I knew there was a reason they focused on the cabinet but I couldn’t figure it out.
I’m sorry but Charlie calling because his “mom” is choking due to the eyedrops is instant karma.
Uh oh, Athena following Bobby.. this never ends well. Um who is she????
Thank goodness they found out that Charlie was being poisoned.
Omg nooo Maddie, you’re an amazing mom. She needs to go to therapy :(((
THE DRUNK DRIVER?? Oh that makes so much sense, Bobby can feel for her.
Communication problems between Athena and Bobby, omg I hate it.
“Who said this marriage is working” I knew it was coming and it still hurt.
MY HEART DROPPED WHEN EDDIE GOT SHOT. I KNEW IT WAS COMING BUT OH MY GOD.
Ngl I kinda thought that the “mom” was the shooter but I was wrong.
Can I just say that the way Buck froze is such a clear contrast to the last time (in Eddie Begins) when Eddie was buried, that time he was screaming and clawing the ground hoping to do something. In this episode, he froze and it was like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.
If Buddie not canon then why have the 45 second shot of Buck and Eddie staring at each other, why have the camera focus on Buck’s reaction, why have Eddie reach out to Buck before he passes out?? Maybe i’m just a clown but it’s all adding up for Buddie canon.
Overall, I am an entire mess after this episode. I haven’t even watched the promo yet but I am terrified for the finale. Everyone is such a mess omg.  Also, I am currently in English class, watching and commenting on the episode instead of paying attention lmao.
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himecherii · a month ago
I know that our guides know what they’re doing and what’s the best for us, but like I always found so cruel that they might trick people to believe in such things just for them to keep moving to their paths. Like, imagine a mom saying to their kid “if you clean the whole house you’ll get a candy” and the child does everything and at the end the mom says “lol actually you won’t have your candy because I never bought one in the first place” lskslsldkkekdoe I’m not comparing being x idol’s soulmate as a reward, but the whole concept of doing things having a thing in mind, only doing it because you believe at the end you will have what you think it’s yours to actually not have it is so frustrating. I know that people would say that probably you’ll get something better at the end, but in MY casa I would hate it, idc if it’s better, if it’s worse or whatever I want what I was expecting the whole time (I think this is something I kinda need to work on btw)
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Mm, from what I know guides only ‘’trick’’ us when they’re literally no other choice left. Imagine many timelines, where they tried over and over and over again to get you out of that state, but you still don’t do anything.
It’s something I experienced when I was small, but imagine it from your mom’s perspective. Let’s say she wants you to be more independant but doesn’t know how to do it, so she lets you make chores. Because you need it for adulthood. But now imagine you won’t do it, no matter what your mom says or tries. So her only ‘’trick’’ is it to say that she’ll reward you if you do it. (Of course, this is still the wrong way because this builds trust issues in a child, but lets say the mom doesn’t know she does something wrong). Like, imagine you ONLY love that one candy, and nothing else, but your mom is not able to give you the candy because let’s say..  that stores stopped selling them, when your mom tried to buy it later. 
Viewing things from another perspective might help.. in a lot of situations.
That’s the thing to life. There are certain things we can make true, but it will never be ‘’how we imagined.’’ That makes me remember my childhood when I’d be obsessed with ‘’predicting the future’’, I’d think about how next day would go and it would be different. I remember being very upset about it because I found it so cool to be able to predict the future and wanted, too.
And that’s how all people react when things don’t come our way. When we don’t get a certain job or when people leave us. Society builds us the certain why and teaches us subconsciously to become ‘’perfect’’. In result, we think that if we are ‘’perfect’’ then our life has, too. And if it isn’t we feel uneasy.
As someone perfectionistic, it was very difficult working through the state I am in now.. Like, I am not as obsessed with trying to live days a certain way and I am just living in the ‘’now’’. I used to think I’d be ‘’unsuccessful’’ if i don’t do those 100 tasks in 3 hours. I was the one making myself feel bad. And I had no therapy to get help from..
What helped a lot was looking through things a different perspective! I think it was a video about romantizing life and enjoying the small things where it said ‘’Your life is a movie. But you don’t work on the story of the film, but you work on the aftereffects (sounds, effects, filters, music). Not the story changes how it ends up, but how it looks like.’’ 
Meaning, if you take a scene of a child going into the forest and you can edit it however you see it best. You can make the scene bright with sunlight sparkles and the forest so green with birds singing! Or you make it nighttime with scary horror music. 
You are in charge of the sound effects, Heart. We didn’t get any orders into how it will look like, we were only in charge of story in filming, so feel free to edit it however you want. 
So, it’s okay to feel upset about it. It’s okay to feel irritated whenever things don’t go your way. But you can’t really force it. You never can, and I think you know that. It doesn’t matter how things will turn out in the future if you focus on your own self. If you have a dream, don’t just think about how you achieved it. Think of what you need to do to achieve it. And make it your ‘’now’’. Eventually, when you focus on yourself and the now, the future outcome won’t matter anymore. But you will get happy surprises when you don’t expect it! Life is unpredictable. And it’s a good thing. I hope you will be able to grow soon. Life is tough, so I wish you best of luck, but it’s the power of all of us to be able to see life from a different perspective. <3
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imaginarystateofdenial · a month ago
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//runs around my house FREAKIN HYPED after watchin all of the last season of Vaniacastle WOOOOOOO readmoregospoilersduh
IT WAS SO GOOD-- I honestly didn’t expect this show to end oN SUCH A HIGH POSITIVE NOTE, EVEN WITH MOST OF THE VILLAINS/ANTAGONISTS LIKE DAMN--
ISAAC... KING, KING OF THE UNIVERSE N MI HEART-- U CARRIED THIS SHOW ON UR B A C K, U DID THIS FOR US, FOR MEEEE-- Seriously, after episode six that CLEARLY showed the end of his storyline I was like ??? do i even want to continue?? but I did and it was oKAY, BUT ISAAC SAID IMMA HAVE THE MOST PERFECT ARC AND HE DID, K I N G, KING, KIIIIIIIIIIIIING LEARNING TO LOVE LIFEEEE AND WANTING TO REBUILDDDDDDD. The show rly could’ve ended on that note for me, nothing else MATTERED. But I continued anyway so,
Welp, the whole Lenore and Hector “romance” thing was... Left field tbh, l i k e-- It was so goddamn unhealthy until the very end but it got portrayed like it was good?? No?? Hector u dummy, shE MADE U A SLAVE and it gets glossed over like “haha u were enjoyin sexy times tho sooooo” like what???  
Lenore deciding to go “fuck this shit I’m out tho” is HILARIOUS cause it’s basically what she was putting Hector thru and she’s just “hm. no.” because, y’know, she must have realized that she was a fucking idiot to think Hector was a fucking idiot. Hector used her underestimating him to his advantage, all basically out in the open because it was her one fucking job to WATCH HIM. But nope. Gave him free range and everything and she had to sit there and WATCH her mistakes lead to her sister’s downfall, which she never admits her part in making that so. She thought she was the master manipulator but nope-- All she did was make Hector care about what happened to HER. No one else. Because he saw a puppy in her too, whether or not that’s true.. Eh, he saw what he saw.
So Hector flipped the tables on her and makes her his pet, but not rly, out of genuine deranged care for her. And she couldn’t take it, haaaah. It kinda plays a lot into the whole power vs strength in that Hector still fought throughout his time under their thumb. He didn’t cave in. He played the part of a “puppy”, even if he believed he had nothing else to live for but correcting what he saw as mistakes. 
Episode six is just a masterpiece tbh, I will rewatch that eventually because it rly wrapped up both their arcs nicely, even if we had to see Hector still trying to risk it all for the wooman who kEPT HIM AS A PET, like-- Isaac WAS a literal slave himself too, what even is that mess. 
Carmilla’s arc was... Something, the rise and fall, yadda yadda, biting off more than she can chew, but choosing to die by her own hand was cool, didn’t see that coming, wasn’t going to give Isaac the satisfaction of offing her himself. She was interesting until she wasn’t because she let the same sort of madness that took hold of Dracula take hold of her where there’s nothing enough until there’s nothing and.. Welp, there’s nothing. Her just wanting to take and take and take.. It rly helped solidify for Lenore in the end about why she needed to go. 
I did love that the lesbian ladies saw the castle on fire like “should we....?” “fuck this, we’re gonna go live out our domestic AU” “yea u rite” and just. Disappeared because rly what else should they have done because the show rly explored the hell that it is to be able to live forever and the things they have to achieve to not just maintain, but “thrive”-- at the cost of doing NOTHING but ‘maintaining’ that thriving-- Rly makes me think a lot about my own story nonsense. But them realizing what Carmilla and Lenore didn’t-- That they don’t HAVE to keep going on and on. It’s okay to just... Live. And that’s what they’re gonna do while Carmilla and Lenore glare at each other in hell. 
The Saint Germain stuff... Eh. Like-- All in all, just.. Moved the plot along in the end. The woman who was just an object turning her back on him was hilarious too. He rly said “imma hAVE SEX AGAINNNN” and she’s just “??? boi who the fuck is u //disappears” It’s almost like she knew he was coming for the first time and made sure to bounce as quick as possible cause the fake alchemist is like “ooooh she JUST left, sorry bout that dude”-- It honestly sounds like nothing rly made her special to him besides her look, attitude, and the fact that she apparently was willing to sex him at least once (1). Fool rly thought she was gonna do that again??? Dummy. 
I don’t rly get why Trevor had to be alone for the fight that death spirit, I rly thought Sypha and Alucard were gonna pop up like “u rly thought we were gonna let u do this alone???” and then the three of them finish it off together, but nah, gotta give Saint Germain his final hurrah by managing to save Trevor at the last second. 
Zamfir deserved better but eh, should I rly ever expect visibly black gals to be treated nice....... At least she went out saving people with her last shred of sanity. Greta was cool too, she was ambiguous enough to surviveeee. 
Uuuhhhh-- Good points, Isaac, Isaac carried this show on his BACK and gave it enough juice to coast on by for the last few episodes. No random sex scenes either, that was good. Alucard got his happy/decent ending too with people back in his life that aren’t trying to kill him, very good. Trevor and Sypha as well, all of them back together, very nice. 
All the bad... Eeeeh, it all adds up into petty gripes. The biggest one was the Lenore and Hector thing but she chose to leave the premises for good so that’s something. I don’t have much to complain about, rly. 
Honestly, after Isaac’s story came to such a satisfying conclusion, didn’t care about much else. They even brought Dracula and Lisa back and I blinked then went wellokaythen like... Well, okay then, because, that wasn’t rly necessary, nor does Dracula rly deserve it but.. At least they’re planning to just go fuck off to some cloudy english countryside to chill out because in the end, that’s all they ever wanted, just to be together. It definitely doesn’t justify all the chaos Dracula caused to get to this point but hey! His wife doesn’t care about the destruction he caused in her name, so, whyshouldI. 
Still! I had fun! The animation was amazing! Such cool fight scenes! The music and vocal directionnn! I loved how in the tunnels, they rly sounded like they were in tunnels, even ambience, the dripping water, the scurrying rats! Very nice to watch it while listening with headphones.
Uuhhh yeahhh, my hype has cooled now and I’m just gonna keep taking in the philosophical points made here and how to apply it to my own characters that I do nothing with! But it’s fun to have a media consider what exactly is immortality, power and strength, the horrors of waaaar-- All to have that still have a happy ending, even for a few of the bad guys. Isaac, one again, legendary KING, I would watch this show through only his parts because it is a full adventure through him alone with him discovering his agency and finding the will to live for HIMSELF and no one else. Him hanging up the mirror like “BOI BYE” at the thought of trying to bring Dracula back??? Something that he would’ve given up EVERYTHING for just a few months ago???? Idc about most of the characters bUT ISAAC. And those two wonderful lesbian vampire ladies rly struck a chord with me this season. Sypha and Trevor are cool but they’re just.. Standard to me, like, they COOL, they the heroes, and, clearly were gonna find their happy ending regardless, so it was nice to see that for characters like Isaac, Alucard, and to a very lesser extent, Hector who needs some serious therapy. 
So yeah, fun series finale season, wrapped up pretty well with a nice bow. A fun universe setting for those fanfic writers out there with leaving things that can be explored for the interest of it. How is Isaac as a king? Is anyone else trying to still raise Dracula? What will it be like when Alucard does eventually meet his parents again? Does anyone help out those people who were still trapped in the goddamn catacombs? 
//nods at all the nonsense I’ve written and rolls to find myself breakfast
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thecousinsdangereux · a month ago
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the land of race car ya yas
A short little ficlet for @corvophobia who has drawn a bunch of art for the bees racer au of my dreams. This is ALL based on her drawings, so make sure you check out her stuff. Happy birthday, Amber! You are one of my two favorite British children. <3
(Please note that I know nothing about street racing. I've only watched the Fast and the Furious movies. Forgive me....)
--
“How’d you do that?”
Blake’s used to the question or some version of it, and maybe that’s why she takes in the words before she notices the tone, imagines a scowl (a lowered brow, hands curled into fists, the flash of teeth as the scowl turns into a snarl) with the same instinct that has her shoulders tensing. It’s only mid-turn that she realizes the question is laced with wonder rather than anger, but even this awareness doesn’t prepare her for the sight that meets her. It’s a woman, her smile wide and unrestrained by pesky things like self-consciousness or insecurity, and her eyes are nearly glowing in the low light, purple and bright and full of open admiration. Her black leather jacket, classic in cut, has the sleeves rolled up mid-forearm, revealing a prosthetic of black and yellow, and her grey jeans are tight, showing off a body that Blake has to work to avoid following the curves of. Her hair is long, blonde, curling around her shoulders and down her back, artful in its disorder, down to the single, stubborn cowlick at the top of her head.
In short, she’s beautiful, and Blake stares for longer than she should, feeling heat in her veins.
“Do what?”
She manages a response, but it’s absent minded. She’s just noticed the light dusting of pink on the woman’s cheeks, coloring the spaces in between her freckles, and it has her re-evaluating, pulling her thoughts to the effort she’s put into her own outfit that evening: a cropped and sleeveless hoodie with blocked colors of white and purple, tight leather shorts, and clunky boots that hit just under the knee. Blake looks good and this woman knows it, which makes them even on this particular front, and that's a settling sort of feeling.
“Win,” the woman says simply, her smile growing. “And don’t just say NOS.”
“NOS,” Blake drawls, just because she can, and she’s rewarded by the woman’s laugh, rewarded even more when she steps closer.
“No, but what’s your delivery method? Direct port, obviously, but you had to have used a custom kit, right? I’ve been telling you, Yang, I need to recalibrate yours. Can I look at your car? Would you mind if I just took a tiny peak just to see what you’ve done with your injection site? We really need to upgrade, Yang. A nozzle with less back pressure will give you a better squeeze. I’ve been telling you!”
She hadn’t noticed the other woman, but blinks at her now, a red blur waving her arms about, hoping from one foot to the other, firing out words faster than Blake — an aficionado of all things fast — can keep up with. The woman (Yang?) seems to find the act familiar and reacts with affection tinged with a false exasperation (put upon for Blake’s benefit or maybe as a means of gentle chiding), sighing and placing a hand on the smaller girl’s shoulder.
“And I’ve been telling you, you can’t just ask people to look at their shit!” She turns to Blake now, and this time her eye roll is definitely for Blake. “Sorry about that, I swear we’re not trying to steal any of your trade secrets. Ruby just… really likes cars.”
“It’s so pretty too,” Ruby coos, batting away Yang’s hand and taking a step towards the vehicle Blake had used to push past Yang at the last moment, a fact neither of these women seem to hold against her. “The purple stripes. But I bet the engine is prettier.”
It’s unprecedented, really. Blake’s been on the scene for a while — longer than she would admit to anyone here — first as a tagalong and now as a driver, but she’s never had an encounter quite like this. The unexpectedness of it all has her feeling off-balance, has her reacting without any of her customary cool anger as Ruby stares at her hood (as though if she focuses hard enough, she’ll be able to see through the metal to the parts underneath). Maybe that’s why Blake responds in a way that’s decidedly unwise, without any further thought at all.
“You can take a look. I don’t mind.”
“Really?” Ruby squeals, but doesn’t wait for Blake to confirm, darting around her and flipping open the hood in the span of three seconds.
“Really?” Yang asks, and the word sounds wildly different coming from her, sliding out from behind her crooked lips like thanks or maybe a challenge (or maybe both). “Not worried about my mechanic figuring you out before the next race?”
Blake should be, of course. But.
“Can’t say I am.”
“Maybe not the smartest move.” Yang crosses her arms; the chrome of her right glints under one of the flickering street lights. For the first time, she looks away from Blake’s gaze, eyes darting over to check on Ruby (who’s leaning so far into the front of Blake’s car that her feet nearly lift off the ground) and then to another group of drivers, a good distance behind them, but clearly watching in curiosity. It’s never wise to gather after a race, but everyone always does when it goes well, and for the first time, Blake’s glad for it. “She’s pretty vicious about giving me an edge. I wish I could say it was familial loyalty, but really, she just wants to make the fastest car in the city.” Yang pauses, tilting her head in thought. “Or country. Or world. Not sure when she’ll be satisfied, to be honest.”
“Sisters?” Blake asks. She can’t really see the resemblance, but then again, she hasn’t spent as much time looking at the younger of the pair, even though she should probably be less focused on the elder (the one not pouring over her engine. Sun and Ilia were going to kill her).
“Yeah.” Yang probably doesn’t realize how much her smile grows in the confirmation, saturated with pride and love. “Scary brilliant too. Give her five minutes with a car and she’ll take it apart, put it back together, and it’ll run better than it ever has. But all that means she always thinks it’s the car that puts a driver ahead.”
Blake arches a brow. “And you think she’s… wrong?”
“Well, yeah.” Yang’s closer than Blake remembers her being, maybe because her legs are long, her strides somehow longer, and it only takes a step before she’s close enough for Blake to feel the heat radiating off her body. “I know it’s only the driver that puts a driver ahead. That’s why I’m here talking to you instead of looking at your car.” Her lips twitch and she amends her statement quickly. “Part of the reason, at least.”
The other part of her reasoning is made pretty obvious when Yang’s eyes trace up Blake’s form once more. It should probably bother Blake, but it doesn’t, maybe because she’s done the same to Yang during this conversation (more than once). Still, there are things better avoided, and Blake knows this better than anyone. She does her best to get back on track.
“It wasn’t me,” she says (almost blurts), and then feels her neck warm when Yang looks at her quizzically. “Before, you asked how I won. But it wasn’t me, not really. You could have had it if you hadn’t fired your nitrous early. You were impatient.”
It’s too blunt, Blake knows this as soon as the words leave her lips. She’s backtracked too much, retreated into aloofness as she was wont to do, but Yang only laughs, and the sound cracks through Blake’s go-to defense, a corner of her lips curling before she can stop it.
“You’re right. I used to be way worse, back when I started out, but I’m a lot better now. Usually.”
“So what happened today?” It’s the question Yang wants her to ask, of this Blake is sure, but it hardly feels like a chore.
“Ah, bad luck, I guess. I took one look at the driver next to me and all that impatience came rushing back. All I wanted to do was finish the race and meet her properly.” She winks. Combined with the cheesy line, it shouldn’t work as well as it does (but it does). “I’m Yang.”
“Blake.”
They don’t shake hands, and Blake’s glad for it. There’s something buzzing between them, a tingling sensation at the tips of her fingers, the build up right before a lightning strike, and Blake’s not entirely sure what the contact — however brief and friendly — might do to her.
“Next time, maybe I’ll be a little more prepared.” Yang’s eyes roam across her face, settling once more on gold. “But probably not.”
“Immersion therapy,” Blake quips. “Give it time.”
Yang whistles sharply, and it takes Blake a moment to realize that she’s called her sister back over. (Blake had forgotten about her entirely, though the grease on her hands and face leads her to believe that Ruby had done a thorough dive under her hood, the sort Blake ought to be worried about.)
“Time is exactly what I plan on giving it. A lot of time, if you’ll let me.” Yang nudges her sister back in the direction they’d come from. Ruby waves, offers a wide grin of thanks, but Blake’s stuck on purple.
“Well. Let’s see how you do in the next race,” she murmurs.
“Looking forward to it.”
And Blake, who started racing to get away, who started racing to run, who started racing so she never had to stay in one place for long, finds that she is too.
“What the hell is your problem?”
Blake’s used to this question too, or some form of it, and this time, the tone is exactly what she expects. The small, white-haired woman in a vest and tie, however, is not.
“Listen, I’m sorry I hurt your boyfriend’s feelings by being a better driver than him, but you’re only embarrassing yourself now.” Blake takes another look at the woman’s attire; her sleeves are rolled up to her elbows and — despite the country club hairstyle and the heels — the hint of a tattoo on her pale skin, just under the fabric makes up Blake’s mind for her. “Or… Girlfriend?”
“Not quite,” says a familiar voice.
Today, Yang has decided to show off her abs (and she most certainly does have abs) with a cropped jacket of black and gold checks, and Blake can’t quite bring herself to look beyond that for too long, though she catches the black driving gloves, the oversized and gold sunglasses, the oversized cargo pants. In the seconds it takes for Blake to wind her brain back up, Yang grins, cocksure, and continues.
“Though you were right about the gay thing. I mean, look at her.”
“Look at you,” the other woman sniffs, actually physically turning up her nose. “Could you be any gayer?”
“Yeah, I could be wearing a vest and tie,” Yang fires back, but it’s clear the banter is familiar, it’s obvious these two know each other well enough for their back and forth to not contain any real barbs.
“I wouldn’t mind that,” Blake drawls, before she’s able to stop herself, and Yang turns back to her with an arched brow. “Good to see you again, Yang.”
“Oh, is it? Could have fooled me!” The other woman’s ire has been refocused, and it’s seemingly stronger than before, the pitch of her words higher, more dire. “Given you nearly killed her just now.”
“Weiss,” Yang sighs, but Blake winces, feeling the sting of the words despite Yang’s quick glance of reassurance sent her way.
“I didn’t realize you’d pull off when I drifted. I thought you’d… lean in.”
It’s not an excuse. They’d been neck and neck towards the end of the race (again), and when she’d nudged the side of Yang’s car — far gentler than she would against anyone else — she’d assumed the woman would give as good as she got, like most every other racer she’d gone against. But Yang hadn’t taken any chances, and it’d cost her the race.
“We don’t do that here,” the woman — Weiss — says, lips pursed to the point of contortion, but Yang only laughs.
“We do that here all the time. I did way worse to Mercury last week.”
“Yes, but Mercury is a creep.” Weiss pauses, considering. “We only do that to creeps here.”
Blake’s hands lift, a show of peace. “Hey, no one handed me the Beacon Street Racing Etiquette Guide when I joined up the other week. Maybe you could loan me your copy.”
This doesn’t exactly smooth things over with the woman, especially not when Yang snickers, but Weiss can clearly see the writing on the wall, and tosses her hair over her shoulder with a huff.
“Whatever. I’m telling Ruby about this,” she warns Yang (or maybe Blake, or maybe both of them), before stalking away, her last words called over her shoulder. “She’s not going to be happy.”
There’s no concern on Yang’s face as she watches her go, if anything she looks amused. “Sorry about that. She’s… protective.”
“I can see that. I guess that’s what happens when you’ve been friends with someone for a while.” It’s a guess (and a probe), but Yang doesn’t correct any of her phrasing, so it must be close enough to the truth.
“Yeah, but I didn’t mean protective of me.” Yang’s grin shows a flash of white teeth. “Weiss bet on me tonight. You lost her money. And that’s the real sin.”
Blake’s surprised at how easily her laugh comes (more surprised how easily the fondness slips through the cracks in her chest). “Oh, I see. So I can kick your ass up and down the streets as long as I convince her to bet on me in the future? Good to know.”
“I’m not sure that’s the message I want you to be taking from this,” Yang drawls, but still smiles, flicking her glasses up to her forehead. “Besides, like she said, Ruby’s the one to look out for. She seemed all sweet and innocent yesterday, but gods help the person she turns her disapproving stare on. I’ve seen people break into tears on the spot.”
From what Blake had seen yesterday, Ruby isn’t the sort that loses her chipper bounce very easily, so despite Yang’s teasing tone, she files the information away as useful. If she were being a little more self-searching, she might question the action, given her tendency to not stick around in any one place for long. (Surely Beacon isn’t any different. Surely she couldn’t know now if it were.)
“Lucky she missed the race today, then.” Her lips curve, a sharp corner that would require a drift. “What, she couldn’t bear to see you lose again?”
“Oh, ha ha. No, she had class. And she knows there’s no skipping for racing; that’s the only hard and fast rule for our household.” It’s not what she expects, the straight answer backed with genuinity, but it strikes Blake as endearing, somehow, especially when Yang continues. “I started racing here so we could pay for those classes, so I think it’s only fair.”
“That’s — ” Kind. Authentic. Surprising. Blake’s not sure which word to use so she disgards them all. “I wouldn’t have pegged you as the type who was racing for the money. Not that… there’s anything wrong with that. Especially in your case.”
Yang laughs. “Hey, don’t mistake me. I started racing here for the money, but it’s not why I race in general.”
“So why do you?” Blake asks, even though she suspects she knows the answer. (It’s not wise to take your eyes off the road, but she’s done it in both of her races with Yang, eyes darting to the side to find the woman speeding alongside her: eyes wild, grin wide, the fervor of the moment all over her face. There’s freedom there, more than there is anywhere else, and Blake thinks she sees that in Yang as much as she does in herself.)
“Same as you, I think,” Yang murmurs, closer now, sliding in when Blake’s distracted once again.
“I’m not sure you know me well enough to say that.”
A bluff, of course, but it gets the intended result.
“Not yet.” From this close, Yang looks taller, and Blake has to tilt her chin to look into her eyes. “But I’m still looking to fix that.”
Blake wets her lips. It’s too much, and she’s not sure she can tack on ‘too soon’ to quantify the thought, make it less tame. If she had to guess, Yang will always be too much, like sunlight after coming out of a room. Blake’s not sure she’ll ever adjust to the rays, or if she wants to.
“Let’s see how you do in the next race,” she says again, and Yang laughs again, totally unabashed.
“Okay, I’m sensing a trend here. What, you’re not going to let me take you out unless I win a race again you?”
“If I say ‘yes’, what are you going to do?”
It’s not cockiness that overtakes Yang’s face then, not exactly. It’s confidence or want or determination or maybe just the flush that comes from the thrill of a challenge. Blake’s setting herself up for something here, she knows, failure or disappointment or something like it, but right then, she doesn’t care. There’s a freedom in this sort of race too, and that she’s come to love.
“Oh, that’s easy, Blake.” Yang leans in a little more, and Blake knows it’s audible, the way her breath is cut short. “I’m going to win.”
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wisenerdcreator · a month ago
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6 Months {Izuku Midoriya x Reader}
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(Pro-hero!Izuku Midoriya x Former Pro-hero!Reader)
[PART ONE] [PART TWO]
L E A V E.
Summary: You were done. Done with everything. So what do you do? You move on. What's new? What's old? And who makes an even bigger space in your heart?
A/n: So this isn't based on another song, well technically it's still based on Sorry, but it's more like a part two to sorry than it being it's own separate part, you feel me? I know it took longer than expected, but there were so many paths I wanted to take and I didnt feel like rushing it. I really wanted to focus on flashbacks for this final part, your decision to leave the pro-hero scene, when Izuku and Melissa started to see each other... etc... I always made a gateway... in case I wanted to continue you and someone else's romance if I ever felt like it... So enjoy!
Support me on Kofi! Commissions are open!
Word Count: 8.0k
Warnings: Implied NFSW, but no deed is actually done, light drinking, (all in good fun)
___
Falling into your mother’s arms, you spilled everything from last night and this morning. On how you eavesdropped on his conversation, the confrontations from both this morning and at the brunch. Your father wasn’t home, left earlier this morning for his job. Both you and your brother moved out not too long after high school, him going on to college to become an engineer, and you moving into an apartment with Mina and Jirou while you worked for the same hero agency. Your mother was your closest confidant, she was the only one who could come to mind to tell her about what happened. She just held you, rocking you as you cried, cried about your broken marriage, and seeing the girl your husband abandoned you for. You cried about how both she, your dad, and your brother were right. How you should have never listened to him about giving up everything you worked so hard for. She held you in her loving arms, whispering sweet things in your ear.
“I should have listened to you,” you sobbed, holding one of the throw pillows close to you as you sat up on your couch, leaving her hold on you.
Your dress was bunched up to your knees so you pulled the wrinkled material out from under you as you shifted around on your mother’s leather couch. She pulled you into one last hug, the warm embrace making silent tears fall down your face. Your mom pushed the braids falling out of your now-loose bun from your tear-stricken face. Continuing to caress your face slowly, her slightly rough hands provided a familiar comfort from your childhood.
“This is not your fault, you can not blame yourself for his infidelity, nor can you blame yourself for sticking by your husband’s side and decisions. You did what you thought was right and absolutely no one can give you shit for believing in your marriage.” Her soft voice provides extra comfort to you.
“WHAT?!?”
You were in your family home, six years ago. You still had a couple of bandages around your face and arms. Recently, you just completed physical therapy, nearly regaining full control over your limbs. The fight you had was brutal, nearly leveled the entire city. However, you came out successful from it, even if it put you out of commission for over a year. However, since you’ve woken up, you and Izuku have been having intense conversations about the two of you and your futures together, which led you to the decision you’ve made today.
“YOU’RE RETIRING?!?!” Your brother yelled, standing up swiftly out of his chair.
You took a deep breath, keeping your head down as you nodded your head. It was just you, your parents, and your brother here, Izuku currently being in the top 25 heroes, had a lot of work to do so he could join you as you broke the news to them.
“Izuku and I have been talking and seeing how fast he’s going in the Hero Charts. This incident caused us to do some major thinking. The two of us worrying about each other on the job isn’t healthy. Having two heroes in a relationship, especially two who are going as high in the ranks as us as quickly as we are. Considering how there are a lot more people expecting Izuku to go higher since he’s All Might’s prodigy. So, I’ll be retiring and helping Izuku with his career from the sidelines.”
You let out another deep breath as you finished your monologue, your fingers twitching in your lap. You knew this was a decision your family wasn’t going to agree with, after all, it’s not like you don’t have your legacy to meet up with. Your mother, before Miruko, was the highest-ranked female pro hero in all of Japan. You had her legacy to go after since your brother decided to go into the family business with pro-hero gear.
“You can’t be serious!! After everything, you’ve worked for?!?! You’re just gonna give it up BECAUSE IZUKU SAID SO?!”
Your brother was the most pissed, after all, it was always both you and his plan that the two of you would live up to our parent’s legacy. He would become the best support gear inventor and you would become the best pro hero. So saying this puts a damper on the dreams you both had.
“You had one bad fight with a villain, but the doctors said you’re going to be cleared right?” You nodded your head at his question, “so why? Why would you need to retire after that one fight?!”
“Izuku proposed.”
Gasps of shock flew from heri mouths, you smiled sadly as you pulled your hand from under the other, revealing the small, silver ring with the pure cut diamond sitting perfectly in the middle of it.
“He’s the love of my life, and he’s the man who I want to spend the rest of my life with… to have kids with. We both understand how difficult this job is, and we both know how much I wanted to become a pro hero, but since he’s my endgame… something had to give. And so I did.”
Next was your father, having raised you since you were 3 years old. He saw how much you looked up to your mother, and to your grandmother as well. You come from a line from female pro heroes, and it was always your dream to continue that. He’s always supported you throughout the years, remembering all the times the two of you would work in his workshop on new hero gear, both with your brother and without as well.
“Y/n, don’t you think you’re rushing into this decision? This is everything you’ve been working for, and you’re gonna throw it away?”
“I know your concerns but this is for the best for me and him. I know being a pro hero was what I wanted, but…” you trailed off, looking away from your trembling hands.
Your mother, who was sitting beside you, could only stare at your trembling hands. Almost reminds her of the time she told her mother who she was marrying. How nervous she was, not because she was putting her career on the back burner, but because of what happened the last time she decided to pursue a romantic relationship with someone. She got you out of it, but it was still a painful journey. She took a deep breath, before shifting herself to where you were. She placed her hand on top of your own, making you look down at them before slowly turning your head to look at her.
“Are you happy?”
The question caught everyone off guard, their heads turning towards your mother. You slowly nodded your head, smiling at all the memories you’ve made with Izuku. When you first met as a transfer student, your first date and everything else.
“Yeah Mom, I’m happy.”
You took a deep breath, leaning forward as you shook the memory out of your head.
Meanwhile, your mom tried to lighten the mood, “Well, let’s hope your father doesn’t get to him… you know he doesn’t play about you… or your brother either.”
“He won’t be able to land a hit on him unless Izuku lets him.”
“Well, he better let him then!”
You laughed out loud at that, throwing your head back against the back of the couch. You could feel your mom get off the couch, leaning up as she headed to the dining table. Looking through the papers stacked on the wooden table, she pulled out a business card before walking back to where you were still seated on the couch. Your mom sat back down in her original seat, before handing you the same card of laminated cardboard paper.
Renai Miya, divorce attorney at law.
“Renai is a good friend of mine, she gave me that in case anyone I knew was getting advice soon. I’m sure she didn’t expect my daughter but I’m sure she’ll be able to help you out.”
You looked over at your mother, who just gave you another knowing smile. She just rubbed at your shoulders in comfort as you pulled out your phone.
---
Izuku was sitting at his office, ignoring the texts from both Shoto and Katsuki. After the argument and confrontation from this morning, he decided to stay in the office today and complete some overdue paperwork. Typing away on his computer, his mind began to shift from the email he was sent to the hero commission to the argument that happened between him, Kacchan, and Shoto.
“I’m sorry, YOUR WIFE JUST TRIED TO KILL YOU! We don’t know what would have happened if we hadn't come when we did!” Katsuki yelled, throwing his jacket off of his body.
“Izuku, this is a serious matter. We need to know what happened,” Shoto explained next, kneeling in front of Izuku’s crouching figure.
Izuku just shook his head, diving his head into the insides of his elbows. Shoto and Katsuki looked at each other, the concern shining in their eyes. They looked back at their trembling friend, who was now starting to rock back and forth while whispering “I fucked up.” over and over again.
“Izuku,” Katsuki started tentatively, “what did you do?”
Izuku stopped trembling and his rocking ceased as he raised his head slowly, locking eyes with his childhood friend. Katsuki’s leg began moving up and down in anticipation, waiting for him to say something.
“I don’t want to report this, trust me. So just pretend you never saw that.” That was all he said before standing up, pushing past them.
Izuku shook his head, focusing back on his emails. He sent the long paragraph he was typing, after making sure there were grammatical or spelling errors. He then leaned back against his office chair, throwing his head back. A gross, yet very familiar feeling was arising from his stomach, it was slimy, it was painful, it was guilt. He felt guilty, remembering how his wife looked at him at breakfast and right before she left. How the look in her eyes felt more painful than other villains could ever inflict on him.
Closing his eyes, his mind slowly drifted to a memory, a memory from three months ago.
It was dark, and Izuku was tired, so very tired from the shift he worked. However, he needed to do this. He needed to end whatever the hell he and Melissa had. The way they were conversing over private messages was getting too much. In a week would be his wedding Anniversary, and how his wife, Y/n, surprised him, reminded him about what he and Melissa had.
And how wrong it was.
He wore a black, sleeveless turtleneck, paired with a dark coat along with dark jeans. He had fake glasses on his face and his curly was positioned to cover his face so people wouldn’t recognize him. He kept his head forward as he approached the apartment complex Melissa mentioned she was moving into. After living on I-island for all of her life, she wanted a change of pace, especially since what happened with her father way back when. So she got a job as a top hero support inventor at the company where Izuku got his extra gear from. Since it’s also where Hatsume worked as well. He opened the door and walked into the lobby. He looked around the expensive-looking area, seeing the receptionist, and only one other person sitting on the complementary couch talking on the phone. He walked to the receptionist, who greeted him with a smile.
“Are you here to see someone?”
He nodded and gave his fake name, the one he told Melissa he’d be using, along with the apartment number that she gave him. The receptionist simply smiled before typing in her computer, before reaching over to the phone and pressing a couple of the buttons. Izuku could hear someone pick up, a muffled voice through the phone.
“Yes, Ms. Shield, A Iseada L/n is here to see you.”
Izuku took a deep breath, hearing the fake name he gave along with his wife’s maiden name. The receptionist gave off acknowledging hums to the person on the phone, who Izuku knew was Melissa. He rocked himself against his heels, feeling his fingers twitch around in his pockets.
“Alright, I’ll send him right up!” She ended the call, placing the phone back in its holder.
She then smiled at Izuku before pointing at the elevators behind him, “you can use an elevator. Ms. Shield lives on the fifth floor.”
Izuku nodded and thanked her before turning around to the elevators. He picked on towards the left and stepped inside of it, waiting for it to close before choosing the button that said “five.” The doors closed as generic elevator music played throughout the rising mechanical box. Izuku sighed, pulling off the fake glasses, before pushing his curls out of his face.
Third floor…
Fourth floor…
The elevator dinged as the door opened, revealing the fifth floor. Izuku stepped out of the elevator, using the signs on the walls to find his way to Melissa’s apartment. Walking past all the other doors, of the patrons of the apartment, who were currently sleeping to the world. Unaware that their number one hero was sneaking past them, claiming to be ending an illicit relationship.” Seeing the apartment number up ahead, Izuu could feel his heart beat faster. Taking another deep breath, he stopped right in front of the pitch-black door. Swallowing his spit, he closed his eyes before knocking on the door a couple of times. Almost immediately after he knocked, the door opened, causing Izuku’s eyes to shoot open, jumping back a little as Melissa stepped into the doorframe. Izuku was about to speak when his eyes drifted down to what she was wearing. It was a simple white t-shirt, ending right at her upper thigh. Izuku licked his dry lips, before looking back up at Melissa’s face who was giving him a knowing smile, that looked smug as well.
“Izuku,” her usually peachy tone came out a little subtle, silky and sultry, “I’m so happy to see you after so long. Come in.”
Izuku simply nodded as Messlia stepped to the side, allowing him to enter her expensive apartment, which could be classified as a penthouse. Izuku looked around, his eyes landing on all the decorations around her living room. He walked toward her wall, where she hung pictures. There were pictures of Melissa with her dad, her mom, All Might, and a couple of her friends from I-island. He continued looking around, before his eyes landing on a picture of the two of them, back when he was a first-year.
“You were so short back then,” Izuku heard Melissa say, as she came to stand next to him.
Izuku just nodded, continuing to look at the frames. He was enveloped in the nostalgia he was facing when he didn’t even notice Melissa coming up behind him. He only noticed her when he felt a hand coming up around his waist. He froze, his heart pounding away in his ears. She then stood right behind him, before pressing up against his back next, her hands now circling his waist.
“Melissa…” he started, feeling her fingers mess with his zipper and belt under his overcoat jacket.
God, was she wearing anything under that shirt? He could feel her breasts, her hardened nipples pressing against his back. He took another deep breath, licking his lips before moving his hands to where her own was and prying them off his belt, just as she was beginning to unbuckle it.
“Melissa, we can’t do this. I’m married. Happily married at that. I can’t keep doing this to her.”
Melissa only hummed, moving her body from behind his own, stepping in front of him. She was wet, her long wavy dripping down her face and body. The water from her wet hair dripped onto her shirt, her white, very thin shirt. Izuku’s breath hitched as he slowly glanced down her body, her nipples visibly being shown through the fabric.
“Yet, you can’t keep your eyes off me Izuku.” Hands grabbed at his jacket, pulling him closer to her.
Izuku gasped as Melissa brought her hand, cupping his face before bringing it down. Izuku gasped once again as he felt lips upon his own, feeling her other hand reach inside his jacket to pull him closer by the waist. Izuku was about to push her away, he needed to push her away. God, he was married for fucks sake, to someone who loved him dearly. But her lips, they felt so good to him. Glossed from the shower she took, they tasted of mint and strawberries. Izuku, taking a deep breath, went to push off his jacket, never letting go of the kiss. Mellissa, smirking into the kiss, helped him out of the jacket before squealing as Izuku scooped her up before slamming her on the wall.
“This is a one-time thing,” he mumbled against her lips, using his hips to hold her up against the wall as he took off his shirt next.
“Yeah…” Mellissa said with a skeptical tone, feeling his hands go under her wet shirt next.
“A one-time thing…”
Izuku groaned, throwing the papers in his hands across his desk. Taking a deep breath, he pushed himself out of his desk. He stood up from out of his chair, walking over to the wall which was replaced with windows, looking down upon the city of Mustafa. He could hear the faint sounds of cars driving and honking, he could see the civilians, everyone he protects. Looking across the street, he could see a cafe. It was one that he frequents since it’s so close. The door opened, and it revealed a couple. A laughing couple. The man was holding a medium-sized bag, with the logo of the cafe plastered across the bag. He was wearing a dark brown suede jacket that was buttoned shut. The woman was wearing a matching jacket, wearing as a dress, her curly hair pulled up in a bun. She held their coffees as they walked along the sidewalk. Izuku smiled sadly, before looking over to the couch in his office.
Laughter rang out inside the office, the sun had already gone down a long time ago and the night shift heroes were all out patrolling, leaving Izuku, a couple of sidekicks, and a couple of more janitors. It was your anniversary, but unfortunately, a string of villain attacks happened today. This pulled Deku out of his day off and kept him away. So, you decided to surprise me with dinner at his office. You cooked shrimp alfredo, packing it in pretty containers, before stopping by a couple of stores, buying a fancy cake that said “Happy Anniversary.” The last thing you bought was some expensive alcohol, a bottle of wine and champagne just in case. She then dressed up, a dark green silk dress paired with a matching coat and heeled shoes. She brought a few decorations before carrying all of that, using your clouds. Izuku smiled once he walked into the office with everything, abandoning his work and helped you set up the table.
The two of you enjoyed dinner together, talking about your day, specifically on how Izuku was swamped with back-to-back villain attacks. To the point where he was the same police officer twice in two different scenes. After dinner, the two of you move to the couch, still holding your wine glasses now filled with champagne.
“I have a gift for you,” Izuku mentioned, pushing himself up off the couch before going behind his desk, going through the drawers.
You giggled, shifting around the couch to get a little more comfortable, your jacket long discarded. Izuku hissed out a “here it is!”, before pulling out a neatly wrapped box, closing the drawer with his foot. You took another sip of your bubbly alcohol as Izuku skipped over to you with the box in hand.
“Here you go, darling!”
You smiled, placing your glass on the small lamp table to the right of you before sitting up and taking the box from your husband. He smiled at you as he sat beside you, seeing you begging to open up the carefully placed wrapping paper. Once all the wrapping paper was removed from the box, you gasped, seeing the logo on the box. BVLGARI. A smile slowly appeared on your face as you untied the golden silk ribbon. Slowly lifting the top of the box, you pulled out of the pure white tissue paper. This revealed one of the most beautiful necklaces and earrings you’ve ever seen. It was an emerald necklace, it had two emeralds, and also was decorated with mini diamonds along the border, and considering the brand, you knew it was real. The earrings were dangly and matched the way the smaller emerald looked on the necklace.
“Izuku… it’s beautiful…”
He smiled, taking the box out of your hands before taking the necklace out of the box. He whispered at you to turn around. Following his instructions, you swept your goddess braids to the side as he placed the necklace around your neck, the cool feeling of the metal tingly against your warm skin. Izuku then connected the chain, letting the necklace fall against your nape before leaning over your shoulder and placing a light kiss on top of her almost-bare shoulder. You shuddered, leaning into his touch as his hands moved from your shoulders, trailing down your body to rest them on your hips. You let out a moan, feeling him give your neck a nip, reaching up to grab him by his messy curls. You smirked, before sighing into the neck kisses he was leaving on your neck.
“You smell,” he inhaled slowly, “really fucking good.”
Giggling at his words, you placed your own hands on top of his own before turning around. You lifted yourself off the chair. Izuku lifted an eyebrow as you placed your hands behind your back.
“I have a gift for you too, it’s not a material gift but…” you trialed off as you reached up the straps of your dress, before beginning to slowly pull them down, revealing the thin straps of your expensive lingerie.
Izuku’s eyes sparkled as your dress trailed down your body, revealing the expensive material cut and crafted to fit your body perfectly. The way the emerald green clashed perfectly with your deeper skin. Your manicured hands trailed down your body as your dress pooled at your feet, leaving you in nothing but the sinful lingerie and the heels to match. Izuku licked his bottom lip as you slowly walked over to him, dragging your heels with each step. Lifting yourself, you slowly placed yourself on his lap, feeling Izuku’s hands immediately attach themselves to your hips. He gave you a sly smile, looking up at you.
“And you look so amazing,” he gave your body another glance, making you smirk and lean back, using your arms and hands to steady you.
You smiled, wrapping your arms around his neck before diving into a kiss. His lips tasted of mint and strawberries, it was a new taste but one you didn’t mind. Deepening the kiss, you gasped as you felt Izuku’s hard on all the way through his pants.
“I love you so much, Izuku Midoriya.”
A moment of silence went by.
“I love you too, Y/n Midoriya.”
Izuku took a deep breath and was about to open the next one when his phone, his personal one, started ringing. He reached in the drawer and pulled it out and looked at the screen. Sweetheart was calling, a picture of you and Izuku at your wedding anniversary plastered across the screen. Izuku was less blacked up back then, and you still had a crutch from your physical therapy from your incident. But god did you both look so beautiful and happy. Izuku was wearing his suit from the wedding but without the jacket and a couple of buttons unfastened. You, however, changed out of your wedding dress into a white velvet dress that was strapless and came with these long gloves in the similar fabric that you only wore for official pictures. Izuku was carrying you bridal style along with the rest of you and his family and his closest friends.
Izuku simply smiled sadly, before answering the call.
“Y/n?”
He heard nothing at first, nothing but the phone static so he called out your name again. This time he heard someone take a deep, trembling breath as if they had been crying for a long time.
“Izuku.” Your voice was scratchy, and hoars too. Izuku could feel his heartbreak and drop to his ass all at the same time. He did that.
God he was supposed to be a hero, save people and never let them down.
Now he may have just ruined his marriage.
“Y/n.” He said again, “how- how are you?”
“I’ve called a divorce lawyer.”
Oh. Straight to the bullet.
“We can’t- we can’t talk about this?”
“What’s there to talk about? You did this to me. You did this to us. Now face the fucking consequences of your actions.” Your voice was scratchy, the rasp appearing with each word you say.
“I know what I did.”
“And yet, you still did it.”
Izuku took a deep breath, leaning back into his chair. He looked up at the ceiling of his office, looking at the dazzling, overhanging chandelier in the middle of it.
“So there’s nothing I can say or do to convince you to stay?”
“You can have the house, as long as you pay me alimony for the next two-three years, for a reasonable price of course.”
You completely ignored his question, going straight into what was going to happen next. Izuku took another deep breath, this time leaning against his hand as he placed his elbow, pointed up, against his desk.
“So this is it?”
“This is it, Izuku. I told myself I would never lessen myself for a man, and I already broke that when I quit my job. I’m not gonna keep doing that to myself.”
“I-I love you.”
You gave off an airy chuckle as if you couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. And with that you ended the call, those being one of the last words you’ll be saying to him until the meetings between the two of you and your divorce lawyers.
---
“Y/n?” A muffled voice called out, pulling you out of your sleep along with knocks on your door
You pushed yourself off the bed, throwing the hotel blankets off your body. It was late at night, you went back home after your impromptu visit with your mother. You packed up what you could in one go before stuffing it in your car. You couldn’t see Izuku after that, so you tried your best to remove any trace of yourself from that house. You were just about to fall asleep, the tv playing a random 90s show for background noise. Digging through one of your suitcases, you found a robe to wrap around your body before moving towards the door.
You summoned lightning in one hand as you checked who was at the door. Seeing red-and-white hair, along with a bright blue eye and a dull grey eye, you took a deep sigh of relief before slowly opening the door. Standing there, wearing a raincoat and holding a closed umbrella was Shoto Todoroki. His hair that grew since high school was pulled back in a ponytail as he looked down upon with concerned eyes.
“Y/n…”
You took a deep breath, closing your eyes as he said your name. You then opened them back up before giving him a sad smile.
“Shoto… can I help you?” You leaned against the doorway, placing a hand in your waist.
“I heard from Izuku, the two of you are getting a divorce?”
You leaned into the hallway, looking to see if anyone saw him before pulling him into your hotel room. You closed the door and locked it behind you immediately before turning on the light. Shoto looked around the luxury rented room, seeing all of your suitcases and other items stacked up against a wall. Feeling your hands tremble, you sat on your bed, folding your hands underneath themselves.
“How did-“ your voice came out raspy and dry, so you cleared your throat before speaking again.
“How did you find me? I didn’t tell anyone where I was.”
Shoto simply smiled, “being the #3 hero has its perks. I figured you didn’t want a lot of people crowding around you so I said I’d talk to you.”
Hearing that, you lifted your head swiftly, “people already know about the divorce?”
Shot shrugged off his raincoat, revealing the long sleeve black turtleneck he was wearing. He placed his umbrella in a random corner before going to sit beside you on the bed.
“After what happened this morning, Izuku only told us that you’re leaving him… and wouldn’t tell us why. We called everyone, Uraraka, Iida, Kirishima, we even called his mom and All Might… all he said was that his marriage was over. No reason as to why…”
You let out a slight chuckle, your shoulders jumping slightly at the irony of the situation.
“So the only person you could come to was me, right?”
Shoto simply nodded his head, shifting his body closer to you.
“Y/n… I know you… you aren’t this rash person. You wouldn’t come to this decision on a whim. I thought you and Izuku were okay?”
Taking a deep breath, you spoke, “I thought we were okay too… Shoto I… he…”
Your body shuddered and shook as sobs flew out of your mouth. As tears fell, you covered your face and turned away from Shoto, hunching over yourself. That’s when you feel hands, one warm and the other cold, pull at you, grabbing at your waist before pulling you into a warm body. Shoto’s comforting hands and his placing you on the fireside of his body allowed him to let it all out once again. He didn’t say a word, only letting out soft shushes in your ear as you continued to cry.
You could hear nothing else other than the air conditioning and your cries echo throughout your room. It felt like an eternity before you slowly started to quiet down. Taking a deep breath, you slowly pushed yourself out of Shoto’s hold before getting up to get a water bottle. Shoto, his eyes still shining with concern, said nothing as you twisted the cap open and drank half the bottle.
As the pudding of your head slowly went away, you placed the bottle on the desk before sitting back on the bed.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to cry my eyes out all over you,” you apologized, grabbing one of the pillows to hold closer to your body.
Shoto shook his head, waving off your concerns, “it’s okay, it’s black anyways.”
You just nodded your head and looked away.
“Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong? Why are you and Izuku getting a divorce?”
You took a deep breath, your mind racing with everything you’ve been through… the day you met Izuku, the day you asked him out for the first time, the day he asked to be your girlfriend, the day he proposed… the day you two got married… everything.
“Izuku… he cheated on me…”
It was silent after that, the buzz of the air conditioning and the beeps of the cars below the two of you filling the tense air.
“He… he what?”
You bit your bottom lip as you spoke again, “he cheated on me, with Mellissa, you remember her right? Melissa Shield? All Might’s “niece”?”
Shoto nodded his head, shifting his body to face forward as he leaned forward, using his hands to steady himself. He lifted his head to the ceiling as he fully processed your words.
“Oh… oh wow… I never thought that he would do that.”
You scoffed, flopping back into the bed, “well me neither, and yet… here we are.”
You started to laugh, laugh at this situation, laugh at here you are now. God, everything was so fucked, wasn’t it? Feeling the bed shift, you could feel Shoto lay down on the bed beside you. He wrapped his arms around you before pulling you into him once again, this time leaving you on his right side so you could cool down. The feeling left sighing, leaning into his touch even more.
“Izuku is an absolute idiot, and I’m glad that you’re leaving him at the first sight of disrespect.”
Coming from Todoroki and his background, those meant a lot to you. You smiled before lifting your head to look at him.
“Thanks, Shoto, that means a lot.”
He smiled, before slowly removing his hands from your waist.
“I should let you sleep, I just wanted to come to check up on you.” He bent over to grab at his umbrella before turning around to grab his raincoat.
Sniffling, you nodded your head, wiping away your tears before getting up to see him off, “thanks for coming to check up on me… even though the way you found me was a little creepy.”
—-
You officially divorced three months after that day, Izuku tried to hold out as long as he could but soon enough even the number one hero couldn't hold out that long. The number of times you had to tell him you weren't going to come back to him was astounding, his stubbornness knew no bounds. You allowed Izuku to keep the house and he was to pay you a hefty amount of alimony along with the money he was to pay you for spousal distress.
When news came out that the number one hero and his wife would be divorcing, the media went into a frenzy. Even bigger than the one about your wedding. You had to rely on your family to help you out until the news and paparazzi left you alone. It was even worse on Deku, being the top hero and not even able to save his marriage? Talk about a blow to his reputation, it almost cost him the #1 spot. If it wasn't for the Incident at the Kasona Mall, where a villain decided to blow up a mall, where he saved over 50 people in one swoop, Bakugo would have finally been able to claim that #1 spot.
Speaking of pro-heroes.
H/n is back on the scene! Officially signing with The Todoroki Agency!!
You were a pro-hero again, stepping back into the spotlight after over six years. After not much deliberation, and encouragement from friends alike, you decided to come out of retirement once more. You had to retake the licensing process and test of course, but you passed with ease. Being a hero was almost like riding a bike, it was ingrained within you. After The Hero Commission reinstated you, you got so many offers. From Fatgum to LeMillion, and Gang Orca. However, you already promised a certain person that you would join up with him.
“You sure you want me Shoto?” You were sitting in his penthouse, visiting him after he got hurt in the Incident at Kasona mall.
The two of you had gotten closer ever since that day he found you in your hotel room. He helped you get back on your feet, helped you pick out a new house to live in, (since you left the house to Izuku), and helped you study to retake the test. He nodded, shifting his position on his couch. The movement however, caused him to wince as he had to move his arm, which slung into a cast. You immediately got up and helped him move into a more comfortable position without straining himself. He thanked you for the help as you sat back down, grabbing your glass of wine.
“Yeah, you were an amazing hero when you were active years ago. I know this is a decision I’ll lose no sleep over.”
You chuckled, sipping on the wine he put out for the two of you. He smiled softly at you, his intense stare causing your body to heat up slightly, or that could be from the alcohol, you honestly didn't know. You licked your lips, shifting your legs to help lessen that heated throb between your thighs.
“Alright, I guess I’m joining your agency.”
You grew out of your old outfit, so with the help of Hatsume and other designers, you got a whole new outfit. Instead of the original leotard/bodysuit you had when you were younger, along with the thigh boots, it all connected into all one large jumpsuit. It was black with purple accents adorning all across the outfit along with a brand new cape. You turned around, summoning clouds to lift you as you twirled around. Hatsume, the designer who made your new hero costume, Hokkaido, and Mina, who you also told about the true reason you and Izuku got divorced, all smiled as you felt out your new outfit.
“Well?” Mina asked, smiling as you landed on your feet.
You turned around, trailing your hands down your body, feeling the aft fabric and metal accents clash together on your body before smiling at yourself in the mirror.
“I love it.”
Your office was on the same floor as Shoto’s, him constantly relying on your knowledge and wisdom on other matters. The two of you were the leaders in the recent missions the two of you had taken together. This whole process was a lot like riding a bike, coming back easily. You had missed this, you had missed this so much, and you could tell the world and missed you too.
The media accepted your return with open arms, jumping right back to the top 20s. You were a very powerful hero after all.
After three months of coming back, making it six months since your divorce, your parents decided to throw a party for you. To celebrate you coming back, and ranking high on the Billboard Chart in so little time. You tried to get yourself out of it but they took no excuses. So you decided to make the most of it, you felt like a whole new woman. Placing your braids in a bun, you wore a strapless black velvet dress with matching long-sleeved gloves. You slipped on some ankle-strap, black stilettos, and pearl jewelry set to complete the look. The party was small but it was filled with life, all of your old classmates and even your old co-workers from your old agency even came. Mina, Jirou, Tsu, and even Yaomomo, as busy as she is, came. Kirishima even got Bakugou to come. Everyone was so excited to see you come out of retirement and take to the streets again. Some did try to pry into your broken relationship with Izuku, but you just ignored them and told them to enjoy themselves at the party.
“Y/n.”
You turned around to see Shoto standing there with two champagne flutes in his hands. You smiled and walked up to him, hands extended out for a hug. He wrapped his arms around the best he could with the two drinks in his hands. You giggled at his struggle as he tried to step back without spilling the drinks.
“I see your hands are full, Boss.” You winked as you took one of the flutes of champagne out of his hands.
He just chuckled as you guys cheered, clinking your glasses together before taking a sip. As the sweet liquid hit your tongue, your eyes trailed down his body at the suit he was wearing. All black suit with the jacket, with a white dress shirt, red tie and tailored to perfection. You licked your lips as he breathed in, seeing his chest press up against the white fabric. Clearing your throat, you pulled your eyes away from his chest as you looked up at him finishing his drink. You smiled at him and he returned it as he placed the glasses on an empty table.
“You seem so much happier.” You heard Shoto comment behind you.
You turned to face him and couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow.
“What do you mean?”
Shoto walked up to you, the proximity between you two making your heart pound this a little faster. He leaned down, using his right hand to make you look in his eyes.
“When you first announced your retirement, and when I saw you after that… I do not doubt that you were happy but…” he trailed, his grip on your chin tightening slightly.
“But… but what?” You let out a whisper, feeling his thumb softly move against your skin.
“There was still this sadness in your eyes, that I could never pinpoint but now… I can’t see it at all.” He let go of you after that, taking a couple of steps back.
You took another deep breath, pressing a hand against your chest to feel your beating heart.
Smiling at Shoto, “thank you, that means a lot.”
The two of you continued to drink together, whether it be champagne or something stronger. The more the drinks came around you two, the two of you drank, and the more you two drank, the more handsy the two of you got. Shoto’s arms never left your waist and would find themselves trailing lower and lower down your body. You would find ways and excuses to slowly caress his face or his chest. The two of you would just get closer and closer. Luckily, most everyone around was drunk so even if they did notice, it was unlikely that they would notice. Soon enough, people began to leave, wishing you the best of luck and congratulations.
Then it was just the two of you. Shoto, despite being as drunk as you are, helped carry you to your bed upstairs. As he laid you in the bed, you reached out to him, pulling him down onto you and your bed. You giggled as he flopped on his back, allowing you to quickly straddle him.
“Y/n,” he giggled, he was more emotional, happy drunk, “Y/n why are you doing?”
You smiled, licking and biting at your lips as your hands trailed down his body. Feeling at his chest, before trailing down his abs, your hands and fingers going ever ripple and ridge on his body before landing right in the top of his pelvic area, feeling his hard-on poke out through his slacks. You hissed slowly as you began to rock into him, your dress riding up with every movement you made. Your movements caused him to whisper curses under his breath, his hips buck as he grabbed onto your waist tightly. You gripped at his shoulders as he guided you up and down his waist, his touch leaving your skin electrified, the opposite temperatures causing trembles throughout your body. You then leaned down to plant light kisses against his neck
“You’re so fucking handsome,” you whispered against his skin, your fingers fumbling with the buttons on his dress shirt.
He just smirked before flipping you on your back, using his knee to spread your legs.
——
It was a week after the party and you had just gotten back from your shift of patrol. It was early in the morning, say almost 4 am, and you were ready to go home and get some sleep. Saying goodbye to your sidekick, you walked towards your office to get some final papers before going home. As you opened the door, you could feel dull light entering your vision. So you turned and followed where it was coming from only to find yourself right outside of Shoto’s door. That’s where you could hear the argument.
“Izuku I—”
“NO— I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU, YOU’RE SLEEPING WITH MY EX-WIFE!”
“I think you’re the last person to be concerned about what she does now!”
“You’re one of my closest friends, I’ve known you the longest! And you just stab me in the back like this!?”
“I think that you should leave Izuku before I make you. What Y/n and I have, it’s none of your business.”
You could hear a slam, and hear something break before hearing heavy stomps echo throughout the room. You hoped it didn’t come to them full-on fighting, you knew Shoto could handle himself against, however, when Izuku was mad, Lord did he get mad. You hope you won't have to face him again, after all this time.
“I don’t want to hear a word you have to say!! I should have known, you’ve ALWAYS been chasing after her! Since our time at U.A!
You tilted your head at that, confused at what he meant. Shoto has been chasing after you since high school? You thought that Shoto always had a thing for Yaomomo, despite her and Jirou getting engaged recently. It was because of that, you believed Shoto had shifted his focus onto you…
“So what? I thought I left her in good hands, out of all my friends, you were the ONLY one that I thought could give her a good life. I thought you could love her and only be with her! Now I see that I couldn’t even trust you with that! So you don’t get to decide how she spends her time and who she spends it with! Not after what you did to her!”
It went quiet after that, but you could still see the heavy breathing out of both of them. You bit your lip, heart pounding as you grasped at the wall, staring to hear to see if they speak under their breath.
“What… what are you talking about?”
“She told me… she told me what you did... How you cheated on her with Melissa. Don’t give me that look, I’m not gonna tell anyone. She asked me not to, it’ll do no one any good if it got all. They’ll just hound her for months for this.”
You could feel your body begin to rock back and forth, you could feel the tension rising all the way from the place where you would stand.
“So I say again, you have no right to have any say about what she does in her own time. Even when she was married to you, she was never yours! She’s her own woman, and after being suffocated by you, she deserves to do whatever she wants. I’ll be here, no matter what, and I’ll stick by her because that’s what people who truly love someone do!”
You couldn’t help but smile at his words, you could feel tears swell in your waterline. Taking a deep breath, you stood up slowly, brushing off any dirt or dust collected on your lap before walking towards the door. You gave a knock on the door, before slowly turning the doorknob to reveal a trashed office. Plants turning upside down, smaller tables flipped around, and books spread all across the floor. Your eyes then landed on the two of them, standing behind the bigger office desk. Izuku was holding Shoto by his shirt, and the two of them had intense looks on their faces. You took another deep breath, seeing the way Izuku looks after so long. He grew out his beard, despite him hating it so much. His already scruffy, curly hair grew even more unruly. His eyes turned towards you, the shock after seeing you so long causing him to lose his grip on Shoto.
“Y/n…”
You closed your eyes and rolled your neck before closing the door behind you.
“Shoto is correct, what I do with my time is absolutely none of your business Izuku. We’re done, we’ve been done for six months. If I’m going, to be honest, we’ve been done for a year… since you had an affair with Melissa for six months as well,” you stated, slowly walking up towards the two of them.
“So what I do with him, what I do with anyone… is no longer your business. Now get out!”
Izuku stood there, shocked at your words, slowly turning his body to face you.
“Y/n I…” You made a motion with your hands, quieting him.
“Izuku Midoriya, get out now!”
He jumped back, before turning back to Shoto, giving him one last glare before walking past you towards the door. You kept your back towards him, and the door as well, as he opened it before walking out, shutting it behind him. With that, you then turned to the last man standing in the room. You gave him a soft smile, slowly shaking your head as you amble across to him. You placed your hands on his biceps as he wrapped his arms around your waist. He smiled down at you, before leaning in for a soft kiss. You chuckled and smiled into the kiss, tightening your grip on his arms. You could feel the grip you had on you tighten with every second of the kiss. Once you let go, you slowly reached up to caress the side of his face with the scar with your hand.
“You look stressed… is it because of your day? Or because of the walking trash that just walked out?”
He chuckled softly at your words, shaking his head. You smiled as you walked towards his desk, moving some of the papers off before sitting on top of his desk. Shoto gave you an up and down glance, before walking towards you and standing in between your legs.
“So… why was Izuku here?” You asked him, rubbing at his shoulders and arms.
Shoto took a deep breath before leaning forward and laying his head on top of your shoulders.
“He came up here, accusing me of different things. I never found out he found out that the two of us were seeing each other… I was more focused on other things…”
Izuku was always so stubborn, that could be a good or bad thing depending on who side you were on. You sighed, nodding your head as you wrapped your arms around him.
“Let’s go to your place? I’m really tired and I honestly just want to get as much sleep as I can.”
You could feel Shoto smile into your shoulder, before nodding. You were about to push him off of you, so you could both get what you need and walk out together, a sudden force whooshed you off your feet, arms grabbing at you and carrying you in a bridal position.
“Shoto!” You squealed, holding on to his shoulders.
He just softly chuckled once more, as he carried you out of the office, nothing but smiles on the two of you’s faces.
___
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photmath · a month ago
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The Happy Year [Prologue]
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Prologue: You Got Me
Summary: They are at a small get-together and Sebastian contemplates on needed to tell his big secret. Flashback from when they first met.
Warnings: Mentions of COVID. Brief thought of childhood neglect (squint and you’ll notice). Slight angst. Fluff.
Word Count: 1.7k
A/N: I absolutely hate writing in a Y/N POV, so I have adapted this story to where I will not mention “Y/N” at all. It is still a female reader POV, but it is written in third person omniscient. Flashback will be identified by italics. Current setting is late February 2021, flashbacks are March 2020, unless stated otherwise. COVID is essentially over in this, everything is back to normal. Chapters will be longer but I wanted to keep it short since this is technically the prologue.
This work is to not be published or stolen in any way. This was written using my imagination and has no correlation to real life Sebastian Stan. If this story is similar to another work, then it is entirely by coincidence.
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February 25, 2021
“So when are you going to tell her,” Chris walks up to Sebastian, his lips on the brim of a glass. “She looks happy.”
The two of them glanced at her, who was talking up a storm with Lizzie, Scarlett, and Anthony. She started laughing loudly and it made her tilt head back, Sebastian’s heart squeezed making him let out a small cough. He turned away from her. He was not ready to ruin the night, not yet. 
“I don’t know,” Sebastian mumbles. Chris gives him a disappointed look but feels for his friend. 
“You only have three weeks left,” Chris gives his shoulder a tight squeeze before he joins the group. Anthony puts his hand on Chris’ shoulders and mentions something to him, Sebastian does not hear it from where he is standing. 
Sebastian stares at them from across the pool. Anthony threw a small get together to celebrate the release of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier that would happen in three weeks. Being able to get the group back together was something rare because of all of their vastly different schedules and new projects they were all working on. They had planned on celebrating the release of WandaVision, but Paul and Lizzie decided to cancel because COVID was still a huge issue. 
Sebastian and her met at the start of the pandemic. She was already following the state-mandated order of being indoors while Sebastian was just arriving home from Prague shooting some scenes of the show. She did not know much about the Marvel Cinematic Universe since her hands were currently tied in her last year of graduate school, but she always heard her younger siblings referencing Marvel. Of course she knew who Iron Man and Captain America were, but was not a die hard fan who could recite quotes flawlessly. She watched a couple of the movies and was even Black Widow for Halloween once, but that was not enough to recognize Sebastian from across the balcony. Besides, she was already well off into her late teens and early twenties when the MCU blew up, so it was past her interests to like superheroes--even if they were Chris Evans.
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March 13, 2020
“Oh, hello,” he calls. She noticed him when she stepped outside but did not want to intrude on his readings. He seemed to be deep in thought; his eyebrows furrowing intensively as his eyes roamed the pages. She noticed the navy blue wooden pencil in his hand, scribbling some words on the margins of the book. 
“Hi,” she smiles. She waters some of her porch plants and then turns her attention back to him, who is in a full grin. His hair is cut short and his book long abandoned. His pencil was wedged between the pages and the closed book rested against his thigh.
“I’m Sebastian.”
She told him her first name only.
He repeats it, “That’s beautiful.” He raises his eyebrows and silently repeats her name again.
She scrunches her nose, “I had a professor named Sebastian, can’t say I was very fond of that guy. He made us call him ‘Sebastian’ instead of ‘Professor Granbury.’ He was a creep.”
Sebastian's smile softens, “I can promise you I’m not a creep.” 
“Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were,” she shrugs, making her way back inside.
“What?” He asks, slightly offended. He liked how she was chatty and had not seemed to recognize who he was. He had not had a conversation with someone not recognizing him in such a long time that it made him yearn for more conversation. “Hey!”
“Relax, I’m grabbing a jacket!” She yells from inside of her apartment. They did not live in the same apartment complex and instead lived on the corners of two buildings next to each other. Their balconies were identical and he could sense that the inside of her place may be the same as his by the glimpse of what he was able to see. He could see the edge of a portrait on a white wall inside her place, and a vine of some plant running across. 
She returns and shuts her sliding glass door, “You say you aren’t a creep, but then you’re looking inside of my apartment.”
He let his head fall and let out a chuckle, “You got me.”
She pulls on a purple hoodie and the white block letters of  “NYU” appear. His breath hitches—she was in college. He wasn’t sure if it was her alma mater and she was just representing it, or if she was attending classes right now. But he also wondered how she could afford an apartment this nice if she was in school. 
“Did you go to NYU?”
“I’m in grad school,” she says once her head peeks out from the hoodie. It’s a size too big for her and the hem rests against her thighs. He averts his gaze onto the book she’s holding: A Little Life. He had read that book before; it was an emotional read. The book made him look at life differently, and his heart hurt for all the pain the main character suffered through. He decided that he would comment about it later on.
He looks at her, “Really? Is it your master’s or--”
“Doctor of Physical Therapy,” she brings her porch chair closer to the edge where he’s standing. She sits down in it and props her feet against the railing of the balcony. He drags his chair closer and leans in to hear her. 
“Wow, I haven’t heard someone being in that field in a while,” Sebastian blows a raspberry. “What year are you in?”
“My last semester,” she shrugs.
“Ahh,” he leans back into the chair now, letting his legs stretch forward. She brought out a blanket for herself and draped it over her thighs. Spring hadn’t started yet and the wind was still bellowing from the previous storm. “So how is that going now that this is all happening?”
She sighs. She was thriving her last year of college. All her classes and the clinic where she spent most of her time at, perfect. School was something she excelled at. It was an escape from her childhood from helping with her younger siblings. The first to attend college on a full ride, all because of her family. 
She realizes she had not answered Sebastian quickly enough, so she quickly comes up with something, “A lot of Zoom calls.”
He nods his head slowly, “Probably not how you imagined your last year right?”
She shakes her head, averting her gaze. Her thinking about school suddenly made her miss her siblings and her home back in Texas. Maybe she could go back one day after this quarantine-stuff blows away.
Deciding to change the topic before it became more sappy, she perks up, “I didn’t think anyone lived next door.”
He gives her a shy smile, “Yeah...well--you know, I was in Prague.”
“Prague?”
“In Europe,” he nods.
“I thought all international flights were down,” she sips her coffee, “how did you get here?”
He shrugs, “I have connections.”
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Now, staring at her from afar, Sebastian knew he was drawing this out. Any further would be pure torture and inhumane. She adored his friends and they adored her. When he introduced her to them, they immediately connected, and Lizzie often stole her away from him on weekends. 
God was she beautiful, he thought. She was perfect. She is perfect. He finally introduced her to his mother just two months ago and she loved her. His mom was so happy to see him be with someone he was infatuated with. 
Sebastian’s breath stuttered as she caught him staring like she could read his mind. He prayed she could not for the sake of both of them. She made her way towards him and he quickly dries his sweaty palms against his jeans. She gives him a huge smile that still makes his knees buckle. He grabs onto her waist to steady himself and she reaches up to give him a kiss on his lips.
“Why aren’t you over there with us,” she asks when their lips part. He lets his hands slide down her waist to slip into her palms, pulling her closer so that he can get one more kiss.
“I was making my way over,” he mumbles. 
“Come on,” she says and pulls hand to where the rest of them are. They all sit down on Anthony’s porch chairs. Sebastian sits down and pulls her onto his lap. His hands hold her thighs tight because he does not want to let the night go just yet. He smells her lavender shampoo and the faint smell of coffee that is still in the traces of her hair since morning. He’s going to miss her.
Chris starts telling a story that happened on set from the first Captain America movie and she turns to him.
“I finally booked the cabin for next week,” she whispers and gives him a small smile. “We’re going to have so much fun getting away for a week, Seb.”
“Really?” He raises his eyebrows in surprise. They had been talking about this getaway for months now and she noticed how they were both free next week, so she booked it. But, her giddy plans put his need to break her heart in a bit of a frenzy.
The cabin trip, how could he forget about that? He can’t break up with her right now because she had been looking forward to this trip for a long time. 
Or he could rip off the bandaid now and let her have a getaway alone. She would not have to see him after their break up and by the time she returned, he would be gone on pre-release interviews. This plan his mind made up in a matter of seconds did not sound all that bad. 
But god that smile.
“Yes, we leave in two days,” she cheeses. “There’s a hot tub so pack some trunks...unless you’re trying to, you know...”
He gives her a smirk and steals a kiss again, “Definitely.”
Sebastian was screwed and he knew it. Instead of keeping the conversation going, the two of them turn back to the group and listen to Chris and Scarlett argue about something irrelevant. 
Masterlist / Chapter 1
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chaotictommy · a month ago
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OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IT HAS FINALLY HAPPENED... I WAS NOMINATED BY @transjohnnylawrence .......... Omg 😱 😭🤧😂
okay, so I’ve prepared a speech... or — well...
I’d like to thank my mom, my — what am I saying?
Thank you @transjohnnylawrence Ferris you rock man 💖🌻💖
Okay, let’s do this....
It’s the year 2021 and you’re obsessed with The Karate Kid. How are you feeling?:
Hell yeah! I love TKK, I’m feeling great about it, and I mean, I’ve met a lot of great people in the fandom and great friends <3 Cobra Kai is awesome too!
Did you grow up with TKK or are you new to the series?:
Lol, I guess I grew up with it? I saw TKK when I was six or seven years old and it’s a good memory because my dad was there from one of his excruciatingly long deployments and he had found it on television and he scooped me up and set me in his lap and we watched it together. Of course he fell asleep halfway through and the only reason he woke up was because I tried to do the flying kick that Bobby does to take out Danny’s knee, and I fell over and ended up busting my knee a little on the side of the coffee table, my dad woke up and ended up telling me off for hurting myself, but we sat down and watched the last minute, after he’d put a bandaid on my knee. My dad ended up getting it at the library a while later on VHS so I could see the beginning and ending because I had missed both, it’s kind of one of the best memories I have of my dad. After that, a lot of stuff happened in my life and I kinda forgot about it till I saw a trailer for Cobra Kai, and after that I rented the film from my local library, and watched it about five times... then on a different site I met @transjohnnylawrence and he asked me to a TKK watch party, which honestly was the best. ✨ I’ve met a lot of great people in this fandom and I am so happy that I found it again, because I’ve made some friends... <3 but I said that already :) ✨
We gotta do the basics. Favourite character:
TOMMY!!! lol... I don’t actually know... I love them all, but Bobby, Jimmy, Dutch, or Tommy for TKK, definitely Jessica is a top fave and I don’t mind Ali... my favorite character in Cobra Kai has to be either Robby or Amanda... or Moon or Demetri... but I really relate to Robby
Wax On, Wax Off or Sweep the Leg?:
I prefer neither. I guess I tend to go for the whole Mr. Miyagi speech about balance. That or ‘Get him a body bag, yeahhh,’ — Actually, I once changed the line just a little to use. I once flunked down into a chair at a cafeteria table, set my head down on the table, and stated ‘get me a body bag,’ and my friend looked at me and said ‘exams are going that bad huh?’ and I just nodded and proceeded to fall asleep on the table because I hadn’t had any sleep... also, I said ‘Get him a body bag’ once when my sister jokingly told me to sike our dad out when we were playing pool in teams... and I took it literally and my dad just looked very surprised and started laughing.... but yeah... what was the question? if i had to choose, it would be Sweep the Leg ... Or Wax on, Wax off, depending on my mood Which of Daniel’s dumb little outfits is your favourite?:
The silly little flannel with the camo pants... since I have worn something very similar and been teased for it... 😅😂 there’s so many that I liked though... I really dislike that he wears only suits now and they’re the stuffy kind...
Favourite ship:
Johnny/Jimmy, Dimmy (Dutch/Jimmy), I blame two fanfic writers for this one, but — Johnny/Bobby/Dutch... Also, Dutch/Tommy, Dutch/Jimmy/Tommy, Kumiko/Jessica/Ali, Bonny, Lucille/Miyagi and Johnny/Bobby/Tommy/Jimmy/Dutch, And Tommy/Ali... for CK, I’m big into Sam/Demetri, Robby/Moon, and Hawk and Demetri but as Binary Brothers ............. there’s too many
Underrated character:
JeSsIcA — yeah, definitely Jessica! And Tommy! And Jimmy! Dutch! And totally Bobby... but Jessica is definitely number One ☝️ in my underrated characters list...
Underrated ship (don’t say therapy, lol):
i like Jimmy/Dutch or Tommy/Ali but Kumiko/Jessica/Ali are top on my list... that and Bobby/Freddy (They’d look pretty cute together, I dunno 🤷🏼‍♀️) that and Thera— Tommy/Johnny ... for CK it’s definitely Sam/Aisha or Amanda/Johnny lol... joking with that one... Robby/Moon
Character from the films you most want to return, who’s not Terry Silver:
screw Terry Silver! NO SERIOUSLY SCREW HIM AND KREESE... I want to see Jessica and Dutch!!! and more of the Og Cobras 🐍 😩♥️ Maybe even Julie... but definitely Jessica and Dutch (Lol I feel strongly about this)
Scene that lives in your head rent-free:
the goodbye scene with Tommy in Take a Right... it just sticks with me even though it’s a sad scene... but just hearing them talk by the campfire and seeing Tommy giving Johnny advice and helping him... and also, just... yeah, that just 🥺... got stuck in my head... that or the scene with Robby where he finds his childhood artwork at his dad’s apartment, I get emotionally drawn in thinking about my own childhood, for TKK it was the scene where Bobby is disqualified and throws his belt down in front of Kreese and walks out... and seeing Johnny’s face in the background as Bobby took Daniel out, it just is another sad scene. Or the Halloween fight where Bobby tells Johnny to leave Daniel alone... also, the beach scene with Johnny and Bobby being real pals on their bikes, and Dutch’s yellow helmet rolling across the ground... the soccer tryouts... I love soccer. The learning how to take a fall part because I’ve had that happen (but the kid wasn’t on a motorbike, just a regular bike, and it wasn’t a steep hill, but I had another kid knock me off my bike like that :/ )
Will Anthony LaRusso ever be relevant?:
oh man, you know it, that kid is gonna be like the master of Karate or something... that kid’s got mad skills... ha! I dunno 🤷🏼‍♀️ he’s there as a foil or something... anyways, he absolutely annoys the heck out of me because he reminds me of a kid I babysat once... but yeah, they’ll probably make him more relevant...
You live in The Valley and are forced into the karate gang war. Which dojo do you join?:
Oh dang, yeah... ummmm, well... I think Bobby, Jimmy, and Tommy would be my friends... but I think I’d choose Miyagi Do in TKK and help Daniel, while also trying to talk some sense into my friends... in CK, I think I’d pick Miyagi Fang, but before that, I probably would have chosen Cobra Kai when Johnny was Sensei and probably would have jumped ship when Kreese came in. Or, option 3. Fake my death, change my name, and run... (bonus... if Johnny told me to flip the script, I’d give myself a badass name like Hornet, because you don’t really feel the sting till a few minutes later... but it’s bad... or I’d just join Miyagi Do)
It’s the crossover event of the century! Which TV show are you combining with Cobra Kai for an hour-long Saturday night special?:
Pfffffft, OTHERWORLD so that it would be like Jimmy got sucked into an alternate dimension and he’s lost with his family... no I’m not currently thinking of writing a Fanfiction about this... or am I? Hmmmmm...
💫 I Nominate @dxrkvibes23
@kingkarate @cobrasandalleycats @strikelikeacobrakai @legolugosi @transdaniellarusso @dream-beyond-the-fantasy @cobrakaikaratedad @johnnywhorance @johnnyavanti (Sorry if you didn’t want to be tagged or have already done this...) 💫
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lonestarbabe · a month ago
Question do you think that firehouse scene was just shitty writing? Because I just don’t understand it. It just doesn’t look good and I felt so uncomfortable every time TK shoved Carlos, knowing that Carlos would never shove TK back. He would never. And he just took it and then held TK like he’s done that before. It’s just.... I don’t understand. And I have a question- this could be an answer as simple as ‘the writing just sucks idk why they made TK do that’ - but is TK still in therapy? I don’t know and let me just preface by saying that this isn’t meant to hate on TK but I’m genuinely curious because there seems to be some sort of..... Idk how to word this? His reaction by shoving Carlos seemed like there’s some other emotions he had buried inside of him not relating to that but maybe just anxiety emotions or complex emotions about his relationship with Owen? Like yeah they have a weird distant relationship and TK always feels like he has to be the mature one to grow and make efforts because he knows Owen never will. That kind of thing? Am I reaching or does this make sense? Like his complex relationship with Owen reached a climax with Owen being arrested that flipped an emotional switch inside of TK. I’m not excusing his behavior but it’s just a thought. Because I know TK was mad and frustrated at Carlos about his dad being arrested but I just feel like there was more underneath the surface. And that apology scene or whatever if you can even call it that was not sufficient for the intensity of the firehouse scene. I expected TK to explain why he reacted like that- like the real reason, not ‘oh I was just upset my dad’s arrested’ because yeah that’s a given but I thought there was more brewing underneath the surface in terms of his emotions. I hope this doesn’t come across as mean or trying to belittle his emotions. Because I care about TK as a character and the firehouse scene had me so confused. It’s not meant to excuse his behavior either I don’t like how that scene was written and played out but I’m just wondering why TK could have reacted in the firehouse scene like that
I do think that it is shitty writing. I don’t think it was really in character, and I think it was a major disservice to Carlos number one, Tarlos’ relationship, and TK as a character. I think that kind of behavior is unforgiveable in real life, and in a show, it’s still pretty unforgivable to me, but while I don’t support it, I can move on from it because I can pretend it didn’t happen kslfjl. And yeah, I def think that TK had complex emotions going on at that moment but there are a million ways to show those emotions, and quite frankly, such a response was a sloppy way of showing his feelings beyond it just being wrong. I get what you’re saying, though, and I like the idea that TK’s issues with Owen could have blurred into his response, but what if they’d actually used that idea to build up the scene.
Like I would have LOVED if they would have shown TK defending Owen, claiming that he would never do that while highlighting that despite his outward insistence that TK has doubts of his own. They could have shown the cracks in Owen and TK’s relationship and spent that time showing how at the end of the day, TK doesn’t fully trust Owen. He probably doesn’t think he’s an arsonist, but at the same time, TK has learned that Owen is unreliable. As much as he wants to believe in Owen and be a good, dutiful son (because being loyal to his dad is likely a way he tries to ensure that Owen stays in his life... he probably overcompensates because he’s afraid of abandonment... like oh my there could be so much about TK’s fear of abandonment that they could have hinted at), he may struggle to fully have faith in his dad because he’s been proven wrong so many times. This is all after Owen showed up two hours late to an important dinner, and TK basically let him get away with it maybe because he’s so desperate to have his dad in his life to whatever degree Owen is there (it’s better to have a little of him than none at all) 
So, TK could have in that moment been worried, thinking, “What if Owen did it?” That little seed of doubt is normal, but he could feel guilty for even doubting Owen, especially with the way that Owen messes with TK’s head (like saying that he didn’t abandon TK and whatnot). Plus, Owen getting arrested would also provoke the abandonment issues because the fear of Owen going to jail would feel psychologically like Owen leaving. Additionally, there’s the idea that Owen is TK’s hero, so what does that mean about TK as a person when Owen does hurtful and harmful things. TK’s not thinking rationally, but he’s thinking as a hurt child who wants his emotional needs to be met. 
Thus, TK’s worse fears are coming true in those moments, and it makes sense that he would push Carlos away but not physically. He would push Carlos away emotionally. He might shut down and not want to talk about it or get mad and vent his frustrations. They could have shown him thinking about using substances or doing other things that to feel something and that are generally self-destructive. TK judges himself based on his father’s actions, so if his dad is then the bad guy, TK could associate those things with himself and feel like a bad guy too, and when he feels unworthy, he tends to emotionally push people away so that they don’t abandon him first. So there are many psychological levels that are at play here that they could have explored.
 I’m getting off track, but my point is that I think you’re spot on with your impression that there was much more below the surface because I think there is so much that could feed into it. The thing with the physical attacks against Carlos, though, is that it doesn’t show those deeper things. We can imply that they’re there and the dialogue also feeds into that, but the writers didn’t really show those things. They missed a great chance.
And yeah, they didn’t even have TK give an apology and talk through his mentality. Like if you’re going to have a character do something so harmful and toxic, at least talk it out and make it a moment of growth and understanding. They should have set a boundary that violence is not an acceptable response to emotions.
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bisexualoftheblade · a month ago
how many wips do you have? like what are they all, and not the number of wips in a fandom? what are all the names?
okay. fuck you. fuck you so much. fuck you.
i’m putting this under a read more cut no one else deserves to see this shit. a lot of these are requests, and for those i will just write out the request itself
Shadowhunters:
domestic polycule fluff with tem, jessa, and will because im not a coward
Supernatural
- hehe hoho i request destiel hehehe
- request 61/? cai cai cai cai i need you to rewrite the destiel scene but yk. GOOD. not like i'm in the know about the spn fandom or anything, it's been years for me. but DO IT
Bright Sessions
- caleb/adam grisha AU
- mark bryant vs. united states aka sue the AM
- caleb/adam college fluff
Umbrella Acaademy
- request 31/? i want a ben and klaus drabble please spare me some brotherly bickering
- AND SO BEGINS NIGHT 4 with request 13/? oooh oooh can i get a raymond and allison playlist??? i think their vibes together would SLAP
- hi there night 2 is technically morning 3 but who's counting not me anyway request 5/? can i get a ben moodboard? gotta rep my tua bb
Percy Jackson
- request 9/? can i get a percabeth moodboard or quote edit?? like god they're the og couple goals take me back to high school cai
- For the 100 follower things :D Jercy getting caught in the rain
- request 29/? a drabble about literally anything to do with pjo. i’ll be happy with anyone and anything i’m love these children
- *somersaults in like I’m a real fancy acrobat* hello ello ello may I request some camp half blood chaos possible involving *does a flip* ✨side characters✨ <3
Penumbra Podcast 
- request 52/? drabble about the penumbra podcast. this is for ren bc ren likes it and i don't actually know anything about it. juno? i think? that's the one ren likes. write it for ren
- Tpp ghost hunting / buzzfeed unsolved au
- sad juno smut
- final resting place fic go brrrr
Marvel
- request 6/? i'm going to my roots y'all can i get a spider-man playlist? if not a playlist then i'd honestly be happy with literally anything involving spider-man
- request 15/? i'm going crazy this is recorded evidence of me actually losing it ANYWAY can i get a quote edit for something from iron man? literally anything that man says is gold so cai's choice :D he deserved better in endgame i'm still bitter
- request 42/? do another spidey thing that differs from the other spidey thing
- request 73/? you have Opinions. rant about infinity way and/or endgame. go.
- request 74/? quote edit for deadpool!!
- spideytorch relationship character study
- peter parker as a tired grad student monitoring the young avengers (send help)
Six of Crows
- okay listen i wasn't going to request anything bc i worry about you but also? if you want to/have the time hit me with a playlist for our girl nina zenik
- request 43/? fuckin give me the ending anya should have had. she is alive and with her new son and having a great time
- request 45/? inej moodboard?
- request 47/? will you make literally any meme of your choosing for six of crows?
- request 48/? write a drabble for kaz, my favorite bastard
- okay so i don't actually like nina or mattias that much but i still wanna hear about your thoughts (and also see if you'll change my mind)
- kaz brekker turning 18 fic. birthday party, everyone singing, whole shebang. i need it stat
- religious trauma fic aka i started shipping kaz/alina/inej and i can’t stop
- kaz trauma soup (he has D.I.D. and you can’t prove me wrong)
- my two redacted fics for @grishaversebigbang​
- wesper fake dating
- six of crows bright sessions crossover: everyone gets therapy
TMA
- uhh... s1 gang having a nice time? melanie getting to have some Pride™️? some "fun" horror thing?
- request 7/? spare steph and jason bonding? please sir? spare some for a humble child such as myself?
- okay so this was meant for night 3 but i had midterm shit SO this is honorary night 3 let's DO THIS request 8/? i want a moodboard of extremely out of context magnus archives shit like i mean confuse the FUCK out of me i don't go here i know Nothing about it
- request 11/? OKAY so i need tim stoker meeting tim drake now i need my timmy to meet your tim plus i want to see character differences no i'm not trying to create a tim stoker in my head so i can read a's fic while NOT thinking of tim drake whaaaaaat you're crazy
- request 18(i think)/? i need a quote edit of every time within the first like. 15 eps of tam where jon is like “sounds fake but go off” thank u bb
- request 40/? i challenge you to write a tma drabble based only on the episodes i've heard. i'm currently halfway through episode 23
- Jon being lovingly bullied into taking a break. I'm aware this has been written a million times but it is one of my favorite things.
- spiral!sasha AU
- extinction martin go brrrrr
- high school era timsasha. they've both been friends for years, and everyone always asks when they will be a couple. they decide to fake date, to prove everyone wrong and show what a bad couple they would be. turns out that's a bit trickier than they thought
- after sasha comes back, tim is broken. he can't let go, scared that if he looks away for even a minute he'll lose her again. sasha suggests shibari as a way for him to give up control
- sasha pov mag 19 au, sacrificing herself to save the others, knows that if she gives herself up to the not!them it will let the others live
- this is the "tim finds a polaroid of sasha" trope
- early archives days,, long nights in research,,, clothes sharing,, somft. late nights and falling asleep at their desks warm and safe in the other's presence
- two parts: timsasha as kids, each picking a constellation that is "theirs". just soft kid antics. tim at sasha's grave glancing up to see their constellations
- continuing your job’s a joke (you’re broke)
DC Comics
- TIMSTEPH HADESTOWN AU,,,
- my redacted fic for @batfam-big-bang​
- request for you to get a decent amount of sleep? serious answer, dickkori, SAL's Venus
- request 4/? timsteph morning after 👀 mayhaps?
- a concept: nonbinary stephanie brown
- teehee hi mom, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but can i request damian angst for your accomplishments 100 followers?
- hi you can ignore my first request if you want, or you can ignore this one. but bls possibly write some bikini ra’s? -the bikini bitch
- request 27/? jay is asking through me for a jondami playlist but tbh i also want it so win win yk?
- "I don't know how to help you but I can help you find someone who does" with bruce and jason? im just craving bruce being a good day to jason for once
- “I am putting you in time out because you need to understand the consequences of your actions.” with steph and jason as dumbass disaster bi best friends pretty please?
- request 32/? timsteph patrol date!!!
- request 33/? timsteph *gala* date? mayhaps??
- request 37/? tim drake drabble but make it Edgy cai
- request 39/? drabble of a prank war between tim and damian
- joyfire cuddly fluff please? or like just any outlaw fluff if joyfire isnt your thing (feel free to add every member of the outlaws, dont feel like u gotta stick with jason, kori, roy i love them all)
- barbara and robin! jason fluff? bonding over books or something?
- request 62/? i need a drabble about the chaotic trio jason, tim, and steph i'm love them ty
- request 63/? batfam x mcu crossover. batfam meets ironfam. give me ALL the cliches. ALL OF THEM
- request 64/? young justice x young avengers - jay cuz idk SHIT about the young avengers
- request 66/? jondami moodboard pls and ty
- request 67/? timsteph moodboard!!!!!!
- request 69/? HEHEHE kinky 😏 i would v much like a timsteph drabble of the almost first time. does that make sense? like i don't want you to go all the way NSFW cuz i know that's against the rules and i'm a rule follower. but like they *almost* go all the way. this could be fade to black or some shit i don't care just make it a lil steamy and have Fun
- i request damian angst! all of it
- hmm... maybe i request? jondami?
- mayhaps,,,,some batfam,,,,,committing crimes? ily be gay do crime <3 - lu
- How about a ficlet with Steph and Cass?
Found Family Bingo Prompts
- no powers au
- tunnel
- first day
- join the club
- hurt/comfort
- experiment
- playing favorites
- hold on
- possession
- 10 o’clock
- singing
- road
- snitch
- curfew
- timer
- fantasy au
- zombie au
- dreams
- campfire
- are you okay
- movie night
- games
- scared
Miscellaneous
- a request: Write A Drabble, Coward
- is it too late to request a moodboard for me?
- request 20/? i’m going off book because i’m in a Chaotic Mood™️ can you just absolutely vibe check me like go off cai demolish me
- request 21/? i formally request that you pick a favorite cai. i don’t care what that favorite pertains to, just pick a favorite something
- request 23/? roast me
- request 24/? can i have a buzzfeed unsolved spoopy playlist but spoiler alert it’s not spoopy bc shane doesn’t believe does this make sense it has been a Day™️
- request 25/50 i want a jake and amy fic make it Soft cai i’m love them b99 is so good
- request 28/? i know nothing about the lord of the rings so make something that will confuse the shit out of me
- request 34/? malvie and jaylos moodboards 😈
- request 35/? a moodboard for the bbb mods!! perceive all of us!!!
- request 36/? moodboard for the tua mods too???? mayhaps??
- request 41/? doctor WHO? idk but i want a drabble of him and the one character i know from doctor who which is rose
- request 46/? make an alignment meme with our group, have fun!!!
- request 49/? i want you to kin assign me a character from every fandom you can/want to. go feral
- request 50!!!!/? this is a special request. the most special request. can you make a bastards tbh playlist? i want our vibes encapsulated. i want us in music form. i want to hear those songs and be like "that's me and cai" and smile.
- requests 51/? i know jack shit about good omens. explain it to me in the most confusing way possible. make me know less by the end than i know now
- request 53/? can you write a mel aesthetic? i'm Curious
- request 54/? give me a list of book recs cai i want some good book recs pls
- request 56/? edit a picture of US together too
- request 58/? oooh can i have a disney edit? like. hm. i just really love disney and i want anything to do with disney. like a quote or an aesthetic or an aesthetic edit i just want disney.
- request 59/? i would v much like a recipe for carbonara. i've never had it but it sounds fucking delicious
- request 60/? ooh hey can i get a makeup tutorial? i know you like makeup, i'm shit at doing makeup. teach me
- request 65/? i need the most emo playlist you can make that vibes with dear evan hansen thank you
- request 68/? i want a superwholock moodboard. this can be serious, with the actual fandoms in mind, or literally what the era felt like. the insanity. the horror.
- request 70/? ooh ooh ooh do you have a good bread recipe?? i wanna get that bread
- request 71/? i want a playlist with the vibes of summoning a demon. please don't ask questions. i don't have answers. and if i do, no i don't.
- For the requests, how about writing something based on a friend?
- request 75/? MMMM i want literally anything to do with natasha, pierre, and the great comet of 1812
- request 76/? i want some healthy recipes. help a girl out
- a feral bbb quote or two?
- you perceive my plant but now I dare thee to perceive mine own visage
- okay this is a two for one request. 1. you did the bee movie script so now we need a shrek two script edit 2. sleep please
- Pansexual mb for my lil queer soul?
- my (probably) final request is just for you to ramble about something, i don't really care what
- HI ILY CONGRATS AS WELL CAUSE IM LATE BUT CONGRATS. could i request a pirates of the caribbean (or just pirates) or whatever you what to do, free range.
- mood board for the beluga whales who got brought to the animal sanctuary in Iceland please?
- 100 follower request: Moodboard for my stuffed cow Oaky?
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