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#loki laufeyson headcanon
lychee-lee · an hour ago
Loki Laufeyson (Tickle Headcanons)
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Thor would frequently go after him when they were kids.
Claims to hate being ticklish, saying it’s weak.
Actually has a small soft spot for it when it comes to family.
That being said, he will totally try to escape.
Threatens, then bargains, then pleas.
Laughter ranges from quiet giggles to bubbly laughs.
Rougher touches are killer for him.
Raspberries? Double killer.
Heaven help you when he finally gets free.
His worst spots are his neck, ribs, and knees.
He strongly prefers being the ler over being the lee.
Enjoys tormenting his usually stronger brother.
Uses his shapeshifting to trick Thor into vulnerable positions.
His touches can be either gentle or rough.
Conjures up tickle tools on occasion.
Teases and taunts his lee without mercy.
Loves being in a position of power over his lee.
Will stop once his lee has truly had enough.
Expect ruthless teasing after your wrecking as well.
You will need to catch him off guard if you want revenge.
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thepilotanon · 3 hours ago
to sorta go along with the flirting! if his (future) partner flirts with him, do you think he’d get flustered & shy away from it, or just get more confident?
I think it would be a mess.
Loki would go through the Five Stages of Registering Thoughts: Confusion, Revaluation, Questioning, Back to Confusion, then Lightbulb. He might be cheeky for the first five minutes, then will need to hide his face for a minute to get all the blush and gush out of his system before pretending everything is normal - but everyone knows better than that, honestly. Loki likes to think he's sneaky, but it's pretty obvious that he doesn't really expect the person he flirts with to flirt back just like that (he probably doesn't register you having an internal screech-fest in your head, but that's fine).
It honestly would become a sort of test or game between you and him, where he will attempt to throw something at you and, if you were to respond with a cheek of your own or a flirt back, he feels himself catch on fire and almost knock himself over. If he does manage to catch you off guard, it's not really a big feat for him because...he actually really likes it when you get him back or brush him off (he likes a challenge and being made to work for it). He will still smile at you and kiss the top of your head with a gentle "I apologize about that, darling. Carry on what you were doing." which also...still makes you flustered and bury your face in your book or hands.
Sometimes, if you were to approach him first with a flirt, that's when Loki will shrink into his seat and forget how to speak in your language - even though he is blessed with Allspeak and beyond of all language. It's honestly pretty cute, because he will awkwardly laugh and snort - which embarrasses him and then try to take off from your presence and have a moment in his room (think of Thor munching on a bag of chips in the corner while it happens, and Loki doesn't notice until it's too late).
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thepilotanon · 5 hours ago
How would/ how do you think loki would react to someone(plz when writing include his child/baby) touching his neck after y'know, thanos broke it but loki survived obviously (nothing can convice me otherwise, nothing!)
I would even after a long period of time and knowing that he's safe and Thanos is no longer a threat, he still has nightmares of what had happened. Even when he's with you and wakes up remembering that he's no longer in the hands of the Mad Titan, his neck is still a very sensitive area for him to be touched. So long as he's aware of who is reaching out to his neck, and he's okay with it, he doesn't make that much of a big deal or will fuss over it. It takes him a while to actually calm down, but he works himself through it and will communicate when he's overwhelmed.
He tries not to physically push people away, especially with you, Thor or his own child. Most common thing he would do is just freeze on the spot and shake a little bit with unshed tears in his eyes. He tries not to swallow or move suddenly, but one can tell when it's too much for him to handle; it's safe to say that you can easily retract yourself/whoever from touching his neck, take his hand and call for his attention to focus on anything else but that memory. If you're able to get him away to a secluded space, he breaks down and shakes and cries against you and holds on to you for dear life. Loki could probably get himself to calm down after about 15 minutes and is ready to go back out and push through the rest of the day.
Loki would be aware that babies and children easily go for the necks of those they trust, like when they need to hide their faces or cling on for support, so he works really hard to not show that he doesn't like it (because a child isn't going to understand how it's not their fault). When his kid suddenly latches onto the collar of his clothes, hug him with all their might with their arms around his neck, etc, Loki takes deep breaths and chants in his head that he's in a good place now. He'll hang around you or Thor while it goes on, but he usually can work himself to remain calm long enough to pass the child along, if needed.
Should the child be too young to understand but still can register that something is wrong, Loki will do what he can to convey to them that they are not to blame. "It's alright, little darling. Daddy just thought of something sad, that's all. Can you make Daddy smile? Show me your silly face" or "Sweetheart, do not worry. Daddy needs to remember that no one will hurt you or take you away; I'll keep them away, along with Uncle Thor, isn't that right?" Loki just does his best to remember and ensure that his child knows that everything is perfect.
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thepilotanon · 8 hours ago
Hii! I was just thinking... how do you think Loki would be like with an SO whk's very sardonic, and blunt and just overall very, very snarky?
I'm not too sure, but I would think it would depend on how sardonic someone is, just because...there's a right time and a wrong time to be like that, without being critical to anyone's characters, you know? While being blunt and snarky, if it was just looking at thing realistically and just having that sort of sense of humor, I don't think Loki will personally care because he can be the same way.
If you were to have a sardonic behavior constantly towards Loki, though, I think it can cause some issues in a relationship - but that's just my opinion. While I think Loki and someone who can be honest (and limitation on bluntness), just dealing with someone who can match his snark can be seen as a fun challenge (if you both are on agreement about it, not just out of nowhere). Could be a form of flirtation between you two, like it's your love language and some people watching you guys can't ever tell if you're arguing or flirting, and it's hilarious.
It really just depends on how you express being sardonic, blunt, and snarky, and how you also take in sardonic, blunt, and snarkyness as well. It just can either be really, really toxic in a relationship that can hurt the both of you, if you're able to be open and honest in communication. I personally feel like anyone can take a person being that way for so long before it can just make them feel bad, you know?
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thepilotanon · 10 hours ago
Hcs for Loki slow dancing with reader? <3
Excuse me while I -scream-!
You'd probably see Loki slow dance with other people before, like at a party or special event, where he's expected to show others that he can be "nice" and "social" - and he's a really, really good dancer. However, he's very neutral or resting bitch face, not chatting with his partner or really goes far to do another dance or will try to high-tail it out of the dance floor. Whether you're in a relationship with him or not prior to witnessing him dancing, you just assume that he doesn't like being super close and dancing.
You' for a real big surprise when there's a slow song playing in your space, and Loki suddenly glows up and reaches for your hands and says "Let's dance, darling!" with a big smile on his face. You might be surprised about it, but how can you refuse a dance from someone with that kind of happy smile?? Even if you can't dance, it doesn't matter to Loki, and it's just bliss - legit like how you read fairytales as a kid! Loki holds you close to his chest, right where his heart is placed with yours, and the hand on your back gives you affectionate rubs and reassurance that you're doing great. He's grinning so big and even nuzzles your nose with his own or kisses your forehead before doing a twirl. You probably feel like your chest is about to burst and faint in his arms, and he knows it.
You know when you get those days where it's just icky, and someone just randomly flips on the radio or TV to drown out the world? Loki will easily pull you into his arms, steal the remove or dial the channel to some music and buries his face against your shoulder or top of your head and just...rock with you in his arms and gives you gentle kisses and squeezing hugs at random. Maybe when there's a rainstorm?? Oh my God, I'm emotional now.
Dancing with Loki is just great, and he equally thinks it's one of the best things in the whole damn universe, too - so long as it's with you.
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lokiscepter · 10 hours ago
Some Lokius headcanons:
- when they sleep together in bed, mobius has to take the left side and loki the right
- mobius got his hands on a few cooking magazines and somehow learnt to cook and just makes breakfast for loki every morning
- mobius has a whole collection of movies from midgard in his apartment, and he has quite a number under the horror genre. when he and loki watch horror movies together mobius acts tough but deep down is really scared but loki sees through him and cuddles with him
- the second time they kissed loki took a stack of books and placed it before mobius
"whats it for?"
"for you to stand on."
since then loki always teased mobius on their height difference
- mobius has a car and he would always take loki for a drive, but when loki gets bored of mobius' careful driving he would switch places with mobius and earn them three speeding tickets
i was bored might post more later these are pretty fun
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thepilotanon · a day ago
how do you think Loki would flirt with his partner (before they’re together?)
I think Loki would flirt the way he always does. Just using his ol' charming ways and silver-tongue around you, usually to distract you while you're trying to work or when you're reading to get your attention. I think he would show his interest in you that way, just wanting your attention and chatting with you as much as possible. He probably smiles a lot more often while talking and listening to you talk - it makes him feel at peace and happy to just hang around you.
He also would share his snacks and treats, as a way of flirting. Loki is fairly protective of his sweets (honestly, who wouldn't with Thor and his humongous appetite?), so he would take sharing his "prized treasures of sweets" as a very special tactic. With how he doesn't share it with anyone else, how can you not notice him willingly hold out a piece of candy to you and ask if you would like one - or, better yet, he asks you what your favorite treat is and will go out and get it for you (he will pay for it, not steal).
I can see him also taking the time to learn something of Midgard to surprise you with; trying to bake or cook something for you, how you put a DVD in and play a movie and set of the couch all cozy for you two to watch (since you probably tell him how he has to see this particular movie). It's not a date, but there's nothing wrong with the both of you pretending, hint-hint. Loki also definitely doesn't mind in taking pride how he set up the blankets according to coziness and remembering your favorites.
Also, never forget that Loki is a prince and trained warrior from Asgard, so showing off his strength and skill in a spar against others is probably the most obvious way to see Loki flirt. When he manages to pin Thor down, he'll suddenly perk all "Did you see that, dear? Finally got this silly brute to sit and stay!" or he would evade a hit from Natasha and beam at you "I see that my skills have finally improved, don't you think, darling -" before Natasha smacks him for being distracted. No doubt would others see what he's trying to do and groan about how you either need to compliment him to shut up, or change your workout schedules opposite of his.
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agentofbarnes · a day ago
imagine the tension between loki and bucky (maybe even steve) trying to assert their dominance on reader, jeez i bet everyone can feel the dominance in the air when they are all in the same room together
his girl — loki
note || yeah i had to write this immediately bc i can just imagine the dialogue...I had a hard time deciding who she was actually dating, but I went with loki cause I love him so this is fire!mortal!reader
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Midgard was slowly becoming more and more bearable for Loki Odinson. You were a very big part of that, the mortal that warmed his cold heart. You had only been dating for a few months and Loki had gotten into a routine with you. You spent all your time together, you were glued to his side. He had gotten used to you being his little sidekick, hand always entangled together.
Except now, you were distracted by the newest roommate in the compound, Bucky Barnes. He had returned form Wakanda with a fresh haircut and vibranium arm. Loki had not taken a liking to the new dominant presence in your life and apparently you had used to visit Barnes in Wakanda before started retraining his mind.
“Did you really name a goat after Steve?”You laughed when Loki walked into the training room that afternoon, looking for you. He missed your embrace, how you always sat in his lap and cuddled against him.
“I did, and Steve did not appreciate it as much as you did, doll,”Bucky grinned, holding the punching mitts for you to hit.
“Well, I’m a lot cooler than that old man,”You chuckled, punching his fist as hard as you could.
“I’m a lot older than him, sugar,”Bucky winked, and Loki had enough. He seethed with possessive energy, glaring at the super solider with heat.
“I’m afraid she’s already with an older man, soldier,”Loki scrunched his nose, stepping onto the mat,”A thousand years gives a man a lot of experience.”
“So does a war,”Bucky turned to him with a smirk, glancing at you.”You don’t look like you’ve ever seen a war, you got that soft look about you.”
You rolled your eyes, knowing Bucky liked getting on people’s nerves and you hadn’t exactly told him that this was your boyfriend. He knew you were seeing someone.
“Careful with your words, a mortal like you might invoke the wrath of a god—“Loki stoped when he felt your hands squeeze his, warm overtaking his body from your natural heat.
“Bucky, this is my boyfriend,”You introduced with a smile, feeling Loki’s arm snake around you.”Loki Odinson
“Prince Loki Odinson,”Loki corrected smugly, smirking down at you.”I am your prince, am I not?”
You felt a blush creep up over your face, wanting to hide into his shoulder. He was possessive, it was almost embarrassing how much he needed to establish dominance over another man close to you.
“You are,”You whispered, not minding how Loki seemed to dip toward to capture your lips. He moved against you gently, his presence overwhelming you. You just felt surrounded by him, gasping for air as you pulled away. You noticed Bucky had quietly disappeared.”A jealous prince, but still mine.”
“That soldier of yours is stealing you away, had to claim what’s mine,”Loki smirked at you, his cold touch against your burning skin made you feel at ease.”Why do you come warm me up, firecracker?”
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thepilotanon · a day ago
Hi! This is a random question lol, but would Loki ever adopt a human??
Here’s a scenario for it: Say Loki has a close friendship with a teenager just like how Peter Parker and Tony Stark are really close and stuff. If Loki found out that the teen is an orphan, what do you think he would do?
Ohh, that's an interesting idea.
I'm not sure that Loki would want to place himself into a "parental role", but more of an older sibling or mentor role instead, if that makes sense? I think, and this is just me, when it comes to a teenager, majority of the time they have established who they see as a parental figure in their lives, and Loki doesn't really see himself being that for someone who is so close to being an adult. If it was a child (like, under five years old), then I think Loki would be more willing to take a parental role for a human, just because he doesn't want to tarnish past adult figures and influence the teen to see him more than and dictate - and then will be open and honest about the fact that the child is adopted, not hide it.
However, if the teen would want to see Loki as a parental role, then I think Loki would take it into consideration for the teen's wellbeing. I know it's not quite the same as Tony and Peter, but Loki sees "adopting" more than just taking a kid under his wing, you know? It would have to be up to the teen to decide what they want to do, and it would also depend on how the relationship between them would be like prior to.
I don't think Loki is the type to see an orphan and be like "I'm gonna take you, and you, and you, you, and you" regardless of how close they would be, just because I think he has his own issues with being an "orphan" and adoptee himself. He's picky about who he lets in for himself and is always weary of those around him, and just the fact that he knows that other people's experiences are different for everyone.
From my second POV from my friends and people I know who are orphans or in the foster system, their experiences are diverse and their outlook on being "adopted" or "taken in" by someone under a mentorship just varies on the idea of having that sort of closeness like Tony and Peter (and, I'll be honest and say that I don't know MCU!Peter's experience/view prior to being "taken in" by Tony). With Loki, I think he would just keep himself at a respectable distance, unless what the teen needs or wants for him in terms of support, whether it's mentally or emotionally.
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thepilotanon · a day ago
Hi! I was wondering if you have any headcanons for Loki with a shy/inexperienced in love reader??
I do! I think I have some on my blog, under the Loki tag, but you may have to browse a bit to see what else I have.
When it comes to relationships, Loki is a pretty patient guy and would rather keep it at your pace for your comfort and mental safety. He isn't pushy and, if he ever crosses a line and you so much as stiffen, he immediately stops and does what he needs to make sure you're doing alright and let you know that you're safe with him. He doesn't like it when you would try to push yourself "for his sake" (that's from your POV), because there isn't anything you "need" to do or push yourself to do for the relationship. Honestly, just being with you is enough for Loki.
Loki would find your shyness around him and around others endearing, but wouldn't want it to the point that you're uncomfortable or feel like you need to put yourself into situations you originally don't want to be in. If Thor is being too loud and it's making you flinch, Loki doesn't hesitate to smack his brother to tone it down; if Tony Stark where to push waaay past your personal bubble, Loki will physically push him back and plant himself by your side to make sure he doesn't try again. If people were overcrowd you for conversations and asking too many questions, Loki will have no problem taking you away and either letting you be alone or hold you until you feel better.
If you're the type who feels very uncomfortable with PDA, Loki will respect that to the fullest. He will ask for your permission to kiss the top of your head, or to kiss your hands out in public, and will respect when you shake your head or so much as remain silence (he can register one's silence being taken as a "no" or "I don't know", and knows it's not consent). Loki can settle with just holding your hand, or even just staying by your side, if that's what you want.
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thepilotanon · a day ago
How would Loki handle someone who's been in a relationship with him for a long time breaking up with him?
I would think it's similar to when you would reject Loki for a romantic relationship and wanting to remain friends - I don't have the link available for some reason, but I promise it's on my blog somewhere. It's pretty much that Loki will respect your decision of wanting to break up (if you can handle having a conversation with him and be honest and respectful); in addition that he will ask if he has done anything wrong to have you want to end it. Not like "Oh, is it my fault?" type of tone, but like "I understand and will not force you to stay with me, but I would like to know if there is something that I have done that harmed our relationship, so that we may still be amicable in the future. I still care about you, and would at least like to have a mutual companionship together, if you will allow it."
Loki gets that there are various reasons why couples break up: they just don't feel that "spark" anymore and don't wish to drag the other along, they feel as though they're not getting what they hope/expected from the partner, etc, or just...don't want to be in a romantic relationship. Loki isn't going to point fingers and assume you're a terrible person or whatever, but there will still be a time where you both need to heal from the breakup and, probably, need to rebuild a friendship or mutual respect for each other.
However, if you were to be the type who would constantly point out to Loki or others "Well, Loki didn't do this while we were together" or "Why couldn't he have done that for me when we were dating?" Loki is going to easily drop you like a soaking piece of shit and refuse any further communication or acknowledgement of your existence. The least he can ask for is remaining respectful (and he would show it, if you ended on good terms), and doesn't tolerate anyone, regardless he has a history with or not, bringing up unnecessary drama. To him, life is too short (no matter how long you live) to deal with toxic exes like that.
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megthemewlingquim · a day ago
foreigner’s god.
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“Ain’t it a gentle sound, the rolling in the graves? Ain’t it like thunder under earth, the sound it makes? Ain’t it exciting you, the rumble where you lay? Ain’t you my baby, ain’t you my baby?”
- “NFWMB”, Hozier
Introducing foreigner’s god, a series with a beginning but no clear end. A series heavily inspired by the music and lyrics by Hozier, as well as “American Gods” by Neil Gaiman. This is an AU, one relating to Greek mythology.
Pairing: Hades! Loki x Persephone! Reader
The chapters for this series will all go here.
Because I do not write at my best when weekly updates are set, this will not be updated weekly. It will be updated when I can update it to the best of my ability. In addition, I admittedly have no idea where it will go. Rather than being a full, complete story, I would rather this be a collection of little stories that can relate to each other in smaller ways. Maybe I’ll even allow you guys to request plots for chapters, who knows? Time will tell.
I hope you enjoy!
one - someone new   coming soon
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1-800-barnes · a day ago
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pairing: detective!bucky x detective!reader
summary: When you and bucky go undercover to catch an identity thief, the investigation brings both of you closer.
word count: 1.7k
A/N: This is my first fic ever, please be nice<3 English is not my first language so if you see any mistakes please contact me!
Warnings: fluff, like one curse word, slight mention of a gun, B99 AU.
After Captain Fury assigned you and Bucky to go after an identity thief, Bucky seemed to be reluctant of being your partner, and that left you confused the whole morning. So when lunchtime came, you decided to ask him about it, “Buck, did I do something to you?” you asked him while entering the break room.
“What? No” he answered quickly, but it didn’t convince you “Then why are you trying to keep me off this case?” you whisper-yelled.
“All right” he started “Remember when you told me that you didn’t want to date cops? That bummed me out because I was thinking about asking you out,” he told you “Oh, okay” you hesitantly said, his words definitely caught you off guard, when you first started on the precinct you developed a crush on the blue-eyed man but couldn’t bring yourself to admit it, and now he tells you that he was thinking about asking you out?
“I know that’s not what you want and it just took me a while but I totally get it” you were confused about everything that’s going on “Bucky, I don’t know what to say…” before you could finish he interrupted you “Let’s just not make it weird, this is a case, we’ll work at it together because we’re professionals” before you could say something he rushed out of the room.
After not seeing Bucky for the whole day, you, him, Steve, and Natasha were in a van observing the guy you’re looking for “Why is he getting out here? I thought your C.I. said the drop was happening in a park.” you told Bucky. “Rumlow has the laptop with him. We should just arrest him right here.” you suggested “No, the buyer's the bigger collar. We've got to follow him in and wait for the handoff, let’s go inside,” he said in a demanding tone. “Wait, we look like cops. We're never gonna blend in dressed like this” you put your hair down and adjusted your shirt “How’s this?” you asked Bucky. Natasha turned to look at you “You look fine. Here, wear this” she hands you a jacket.
You and Bucky got out of the van and went into the restaurant, as soon as you got in you were standing next to Rumlow “Hi. Table for two, please.” bucky says. “I'm so sorry. There's nothing available. We're booked up.” the hostess said looking not interested at all, then you had an idea and decided to barge in “Oh, no, that's horrible.” you start “Tonight's a really important night for us. Johnny and I just got engaged, and this is where our first date was.” It took a couple of seconds but Bucky caught up with you “Oh, yeah, it would mean so much to Dora and me. I would have made a reservation, but I didn't know if she was gonna say yes” after he finished you kissed him on the cheek.
The hostess finally looked at you two “You are just so sweet together. You know, I'm sure I can find room for two young lovers.” she said. “Yeah, we are lovers... together... in beds” Bucky stated awkwardly and you just glanced at him giving a ‘don’t fuck up’ look.
When both of you got to the table, you break the silence “ Sorry about springing the engagement and romantic stuff on you.” you gave him an apologetic smile “No, no, no. That was great. I mean, it's what got us in here. Cheek kiss was a bit much. Very wet.” you looked at each other and laugh. You looked to your side and there was Rumlow and maybe his girlfriend? You didn’t know exactly, the only thing you thought about was how you and Bucky were screwed, they put you right beside the guy you were keeping an eye on. His girlfriend turned to you both and started talking.
The night couldn’t have been going worse, Rumlow’s girlfriend, whose name was Lucy, didn’t stop talking to you and Bucky the whole night. Although Rumlow seemed a bit skeptical he talked too.
After some time Rumlow and Lucy leave the table, but he sends the girl to get the car and he went to the kitchen, you turned to Bucky “He took the laptop case with him, he’s gonna make the drop, let's go.” Both of you went to the kitchen door but then, Rumlow saw you. “Damn, he saw us,” Your partner said worried but then he pulled you into a kiss. You couldn’t even process what’s happening, did he really just kiss you? Brock passes you two and Bucky pulled away “Good, good, we kept our cover intact, nice work,” he said rather quickly “Quick professional thinking out there. Very quick. Very professional.” you couldn’t get the kiss out of your head “Detective,” he said reaching his hand “Detective” you shook his hands “Let’s get back on the case” he instantly pulled you to get to the car.
You were back in the van with Natasha and Steve, following Rumlow. “How was the restaurant?” Steve asked quietly “Such a normal time” you squealed “Why are you being weird?” he said curiously. “We kissed” Bucky calmly said. “What?” Steve and Nat screamed together “To keep our cover from being blown, okay? We didn’t have a choice!” you exclaimed. Steve was going to say something until Natasha started uttered “He’s pulling over. It’s going down”.
You saw Rumlow leave the package by a tree “Guys, it’s not a handoff, he’s leaving it there” Bucky told Steve “You and Nat follow Rumlow, we’re going to stay with the package and get the buyer” the blonde agreed and right after, you and bucky left the car.
While waiting near the package, he was feeling perplexed due to the event that happened in the restaurant but it didn’t matter what he thought about, it was always you in the end. “Hey” he turned to you “We’re cool right?” he was worried about your answer, he couldn’t handle you being mad at him “Yes” you started “We’re fine, totally fine” but you weren’t, the kiss kept replaying in your head. “You know what? I’m actually really hungry, never got to eat at that fancy restaurant”. Now that he mentioned it, you actually were hungry as well “You know what I’m getting on my way home?” you asked him rhetorically. “Yeah, you’re gonna go to that cafe near your house, and get a cinnamon roll and a cup of hot chocolate,” he said casually “That's exactly what I’m gonna get,” you told him, you were going to tell ask him how he knew that but you felt another presence there “Bucky” you whispered, “He’s looking at us”. You could see the confusion on his face. “What?” the guy seemed suspicious so you had to be quick. “Well, this is happening,” you said more to yourself than him “Huh?” he hummed. Before he could say something else you grabbed his face and pulled him into a kiss, it was like you were made for each other, it felt so passionate and real, but you couldn’t forget that it was all an undercover act.
As you saw the guy start to move away with the case, you push Bucky away “NYPD! Freeze” you yelled “We are police colleagues” you said pointing your gun at him. “You’re under arrest. This is a work event” he quickly said. You both handcuffed the guy and brought him back to the precinct.
You were alone in the break room, the events of the evening running through your mind until Bucky comes in “Hey, could you sign this arrest report for Rumlow and the buyer?” he asked calmly. “Sure” you answered. How could he be so calm, did everything that you went through today not affect him the same way as it affected you? Maybe he just forgot about the idea of asking you out and didn’t want anything related to you in that way. “Man, I forgot how long your signature takes” he joked. “This whole night was really weird wasn’t it?” you question him “Yes, it totally was. I just want everything to go back to how it was”. You didn’t know why but his words hurt a little, wasn’t he willing to try to go out with you? “You're right y’know?” he continues “We shouldn’t date cops, ‘cause we make a great team, we work great together, doll” Doll? During all your years working side by side, he has never called you that, but maybe it was just a slip-up. “I don’t want anything to change.” you said “Me, neither”. Well, at least now you knew that he didn’t want anything more. “Okay, then that’s that detective Barnes” you whispered. “See you around the precinct” was the last thing he said before leaving the room.
Later, doing some paperwork, you went to the files room to get a file for your new case, everything was quiet there until you heard the door open. “Hey,” the person said, you could recognize that voice everywhere, it belonged to the person whose piercing blue eyes couldn’t leave your head “How are you holding up?” He asked. “I’m fine, just tired, today was a long day” you turned around, and there he was, standing right in front of you “what about you?” you returned the question. “Same” he starts “but I feel like something’s missing”. You looked into his eyes, not understanding what he meant, he stared right back at you, but then his eyes went to your mouth and next thing you knew, you were kissing again but know it didn’t involve an undercover it was just you and bucky, no one else. His hands were now warm, holding onto your waist, while yours were on the back of his neck, the kiss was everything you could’ve asked for, you felt like you were on a movie until you heard something.
“Hey, Bucky” It was Steve shouting from the other side of the door “I need your help here, pal”.
You both pulled away from each other, panting heavily, cheeks flushed and a smile on both faces.
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clandestineloki · a day ago
Hi! Could you please do Loki headcanons with a reader who’s shy and inexperienced in relationships?
loving should be hard, he tells himself
but how can it be, when there's so much to adore about you?
the way you've got everybody's back without question
your genuine laugh at something he thinks was only a sliver of humorous
your smile that lights up everything.
to him you’ve replaced sunshine and starlight
and, of course, he’ll show it to u with no hesitation
“shawarma. that’s how it’s pronounced, isn’t it?”
“no! that’s the taco thing tony eats all the time. repeat after me.” it’s adorable how you puff your chest out and slowly say the word-
“marmalade,” loki grins.
“oh god, no!” you giggle, hiding your face in your hands. “sha- la- may.” you emphasize each syllable.
“timonthy charmander.”
“that’s the pokemon!” you laugh, shaking your head. he smirks, tilting your chin up with a single finger.
“your laugh is the heavenliest sound in the nine realms.”
your cheeks burn up as you try to turn away, but he doesn’t let you. he leans in slowly, smirking as your breath quickens as his lips near yours...
“timothee chalamet.”
he watches in amusement as you’re whipped out of his trance.
“you... said it right,” you shyly smile.
“yes, i did, darling.” the grin on his face widens as he pulls you onto his lap, making you squeak out a jumble of words in embarrassment.
“can i have my reward, now?”
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thepilotanon · 2 days ago
do you/how do you think loki would actually say “i love you” to his partner? or would he wait for them to say it first?
I'd say both! Excuse me while I bring on the feels.
I think, once Loki realizes that he loves you with everything he is and everything he has to his name, he wants to tell you immediately. He honestly wants to kick himself for suddenly having a deep desire to write poetry and sonnets; he wants to shower you with gifts and kiss you wherever he's able and constantly chant "I love you, I love you, I love you so dearly" and hold you tight. I would assume it's safe to say that it's already known that you love Loki as much, but don't wish to overwhelm him by saying it (just because of how he is with words and his past about opening up willingly, you know?). It wouldn't even matter where it takes place - whether at home, out in public at a party or just grocery shopping, or even during battle - he's just going to hold your face out of nowhere, look into your eyes and just say it like he means it.
If you were to be the first to say it, I would think it would have to be just the two of you around. You're at home on the couch with him, or cuddling in bed, you're with him while he's recovering from wounds or such and you stick to his bedside until he wakes or is a grumpy, bedridden god who wants out and away from doctors and nurses. There really isn't anything super special going on, but you just watch him and suddenly say "I love you" and Loki...kinda freezes and looks you way with a questioning gaze. You say it with a smile "I love you a lot" and he takes a minute to process as you reach over and take his hands or face. Once more, you just say "I love you so, so much, Loki" and he tears up a bit and reaches for you with shaking hands and mumbles "I love you, too."
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thepilotanon · 2 days ago
What's Loki like sleeping wise? Is he a heavy or light sleeper? Would he notice right away if his s/o left during the night? Does he get nightmares very often? And how would be feel if his s/o ever woke him up because they were "in the mood" if you catch my drift?
These are just my thoughts about it. I hope you enjoy these!
A lot of people in his life assume Loki sleeps on his back, completely still and like a mummy and sleeping princess. However, you and Thor would know better and that Loki actually cuddles whatever he can, snore gently or will have his mouth open when he's Dead Tired, and will wake up when his "cuddle buddy" attempts to make an escape before he is ready. I think he deep sleeps when he knows he's safe, but really needs that extra "cushion" (he would've been the same as a child, too).
I think Loki has nightmares on and off, but he has them in a way that doesn't physically show it while he's unconscious. Usually he will wake up with a start or suddenly stiff, but rarely would shout or thrash around while he's dreaming or reliving negative memories in his sleep. The most he would do to bring attention would jerk hard enough to shake the bed (which, depending on how you sleep, could or could not wake you up). Sometimes he will have sudden adrenaline and will quietly get up and walk around your home and shake or clench his hands repeatedly before going back to bed and holding you close.
I can say now and forever that Loki will never be opposed to being woken up when his partner is in a mood. If anything, he really adores it when he's woken with kisses or rubbing against him and whispering his name in a sing-song voice. He will give a slow smile before opening his eyes and pushing his nose against your cheek and ask what you would like him to do. Very rarely would Loki be the one to wake you up because he's in the mood (he understands mortals need more sleep than he does, and he also loves being close when you sleep), and is a very patient man to wait until you wake up and ask if you would mind him taking control while you wake the rest of your body.
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dabis-bunny · 2 days ago
A Life Of Luxury ☁️
Warnings ~ none that I am aware of, do let me know if you think any parts in this story require a warning
// If you were lucky you could occasionally escape away from your busy work hours as a maid in the beautiful palace of Asgard and meet Loki in a more hidden away area of the building - all this sneaking around is inconvenient however and Loki wants to take things a step further //
⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙ ⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙
“Hush little dove, wouldn’t want to alert the others of the mischief you’re getting yourself into?” Loki chuckled, lifting your chin to meet his gaze before settling his lips against your own. A subtle way to keep you quiet and happy, your lips locking together in a warm and passionate embrace, the man knew exactly what made your head spin, his silver tongue had you wrapped right around his finger. “How about you finish off your jobs for today then head back to my chambers for a bath? I’d love to spoil you with the fine smells of lavender candles and another chapter of our novel, doesn’t that sound like a dream hmm?” A soft nod from you answered his question.
He removed his hand from your waist and instead took your hands in his, his thumb gently rubbing over your soft knuckles. “I worry they work you too hard angel, a simple announcement would lead you straight into a life of luxury you know” he held a cheeky smile on his face.
“I know Loki but… I’m just worried- I’m not fit for royalty, I’d just disappoint-“ In a quick motion he silenced your worried words, pulling you back into a sweet kiss.
“How many more times do I have to explain this to you?” His hands moved to hold your face. “I wouldn’t have accepted anyone not worthy of my presence and you know that- but you must understand sweetheart that I know that you’re destined to be mine, and you belong in the luxury, much more so than that mortal Thor brought home” he scoffed at the last statement, eyes scanning the other side of the room for a moment before returning his gaze back on you.
“Jane is lovely, you can just be a little bit of a snob at times” you giggled in a hushed tone, teasing the prince. His eyebrow quirked at your challenging statement, blue eyes taking in your beautiful face.
The harsh metal clanking of armour was heard down the hall. The guards were probably doing their usual sweep of the palace, still, it wasn’t your plan to be caught with the royal during work hours. “I have to go but that bath sounds wonderful, my feet are so sore” you whined a little, pulling Loki into a quick departure hug before pressing your lips to his cheek.
“Dont work too hard” his voice was a little more stern and authoritative, but still held a caring tone. “I’ll take care of you little dove, don’t you worry” he smiled, stealing a last kiss to your lips, clearly not pleased enough with just a cheek kiss. After a moment you pulled away and gathered your dress to head out of the room.
Maybe a life of luxury after today might be well deserved. All it takes is a small announcement after all. Plus, how hard could royalty possibly be?
⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙ ⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙
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darkacademicfrom2021 · 2 days ago
I'd never hurt you.
Summary: nightmares haunt even those who are still awake. They haunt especially those who are still awake.
Pairing: Loki x reader, ex!Bucky x reader (GN!reader)
Word count: 7.7 K
Warnings: major character death, trauma and PTSD, graphic descriptions of violence, angst, nightmares, blood, subtle mentions of sex, graphic descriptions of injuries and pain, domestic violence, toxic relationship.
N/A: Idk man I just woke up really violent today. Sorry if I break your heart a little. By the way, reader’s bisexual.
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Gif not mine.
It took you really long to get used to sleeping with someone, in the most literal sense of the word. Sex? Sure, no trouble, as long as you went away before falling asleep. You sneaked out of bed as soon as you realized the other person was drifting off. It was no trouble, for they would usually not realize you’d be off to sleep in your own bed, and they knew you worked early, so it wasn’t an odd reaction to “leave early in the mornings”. Your sneaking never caused trouble, until you actually started dating someone.
It didn’t begin as a normal relationship. You caught feelings way later than you’d like to admit, and it was mostly physical. He was reserved about it too, but it was undeniable. You both trusted each other too much, and had an attraction everyone else could sense by just observing how you looked at the other. And, you wouldn’t admit it quite yet, but you loved him. It had been a while since you last loved someone, and you didn’t want to go through that again. As far as you knew, dating troubled men always resulted in, well… trouble. Heartbreak and trouble.
And boy, was he trouble. Of course, that wouldn’t stop you from loving him. In fact, if anyone asked you’d deny it, but you liked it.
He knew you didn’t sleep in his bed. He was a light sleeper, and never fell asleep before you, so he always noticed. Still, he never asked for the reason for your sneaking, nor ever reproached it to you, even though you knew he didn’t like that. His grip on your waist would tighten once you started pulling away from his body, and a groan would hint at his ask, please don’t leave, stay, I want you here, I want you. He had to get satisfied with the kiss you’d leave on his temple, and the warmness and traces of your scent that remained on your side of his bed.
But after many, many months of this avoidance, you fell asleep by accident.
It was not what you intended, but it happened. You were reading in bed. Under the blankets, his body irradiated warmth. The chimney had a cracking fire that lightened up the room just enough for your eyes to close comfortably. Your head on his chest, the vibrations of his low voice against your ear, the narration of a story you were no longer listening to, only his voice, only him. Your eyelids felt heavier and heavier. He had to use his magic to turn the pages, for his other hand was caressing gently the nape of your neck, playing with the hair between his fingers. The halos of magic made no sound, yet you could feel them. Magic was cold. Like a dense breeze. Like dry ice. And it contrasted so well with his immanent body warmth.
Loki didn’t fall asleep right away. He wanted to see you, admire you. It was a privilege, to his eyes, to finally get to see you this way. With a calmness he’s never seen in you, a forced trust, a vulnerability he’d make sure to protect at all costs. He observed your chest rise slightly with each acompassed breath, and your eyelids flutter from time to time. After about an hour, he was still hooked on the best show he’d ever seen so far, but this time the plot changed.
Your eyebrows furrowed and your lips parted to let out a whine. He paid close attention. You were having a nightmare. He knew all too well how those could make you feel, and he knew you were struggling with PTSD, though he never dared asking about it. Takes one to know one. He thought about waking you up, but you seemed so tired, so restless… maybe… maybe he could help you with his magic. Change the dream and let you sleep soundly. You’d be upset he had entered your head, he considered. But you were in pain, and he could help you. So, taking a deep breath, he caressed your eyelids with the tips of his fingers and soon the cold breeze of his magic immersed him in your own head.
The suffocated gasps and screams were the first thing he noticed. He could feel with his other senses, but the eyesight always took longer. The smell wasn’t unfamiliar, it was your room, with your perfume, your ambient aromatizer, remains of a dinner. It clearly happened at night.
Besides your suffering, he could hear the bed moving in a struggle. As if a fight were happening on top of it. Bedsheets that moved violently between your legs, the head of the bed marking the wall, and… a metallic sound. That one he couldn't quite figure out yet.
“JAMES!!”, you finally screamed, and was then when his eyesight cleared enough to see the scenario. James Barnes had his grip on a very red and teary you. His vibranium fingers surrounded your neck and untightened as soon as his eyes opened in shock. It took him about five seconds to realize what he’s done, and panic instantly washed over his features. Raw and pure fear of himself. He immediately pushed a button and let the vibranium arm fall off him, leaving it under the bed. He didn’t get close to you, in fact, he got further away. You were trembling. Loki was unsure on how to intervene.
“Oh my God, Y/N, I…”, started James, with a crack in his voice. He found himself lost in words. You, on the other hand, didn’t.
“Get out”, you groaned with a hoarse voice.
“Wait, Y/N, let’s...”.
“Get. Out”.
You didn’t need to say more, for he was already getting his prosthesis and pants, and walking out the door. He lingered on the doorframe, observing the damage he’s done. Your neck was already bruised, and it couldn’t be from that same moment. Bruises took longer to form, and Loki realized this was not the first time it happened. It seemed like it was the last.
“Please, let’s talk. I beg you to let us talk”, he said, still from the doorframe. He stepped closer as he saw your features soften with a tint of sadness. Loki came to realize you cared for him too much. Enough for you to not walk away after many bruises. He wanted to change the dream, but it now seemed like the worst had already happened. And he could not deny he was curious (though knowing how wrong it was to peep in someone’s dreams), so he kept watching from a distance, waiting for the right moment to step in and change your nightmare for some flower field.
You sighed and gestured for him to sit on the feet of the bed. He waited for you to speak. You took your time to gather the right words.
“I love you, Buck”, you started, and something punctured Loki’s heart. He knew you’ve had a lover before him, and he knew you were close. But hearing you claim your love to another man, when you have not yet told him that to himself, hurted his ego to say the least. “I love you, but…”.
You stopped on your words. You couldn’t articulate after “but”, though it was enough for James to understand. He nodded, tears threatening to fall, and repeated.
“I’m sorry”.
“You’re not the… you’re not the one who should be apologizing, doll”. Loki’s heart hurt again, and he didn’t know if it was because of the petname, or for seeing you submerged in such a hurtful relationship. He bruised you, he choked you, and you told him you loved him and apologized. Loki wanted to come out of the dream to personally kill James Barnes. “I don’t want to hurt you. But I hurt you. You have the right to want me out of your life. If you want me to, I’m gone. I’m gone and far away, and you never hear from me again, alright? But if you give me a chance, one last chance, I promise to stay and solve this. I’ll do all the work, and get it so well done I’ll never even have the chance to touch you a hair in the wrong way again, darling. I swear…”.
“Bucky, I beg you to stop”, you cut him. “Don’t do that, don’t ask me for another chance, because I’ll feel guilty for kicking you out. But, Buck, I gave you a chance. I gave you many chances. You’ve said you’d do the work so many times, that at some point I believed you”.
“I… I did the work, just not… right. You can’t leave me. I beg you to not leave me”.
“I don’t care. I don’t care if you did the job or how you did it. You’re going to choke me in your sleep again and again, and someday you won't wake up in time, and you’re going to…”, you took a deep breath, tears running down your face profusely. “You’re gonna kill me, Bucky”.
He was now the one to cry. He hugged you and you flinched, but reluctantly accepted it anyway. He hugged you tightly, grasping to you, not wanting to let you go. You seemed more and more distressed as he didn’t let go, and Loki was already walking into the scene to change the dream, but he couldn’t, for the dream changed by itself drastically. So quickly, he fell down and landed on his chest.
Looking around, he realized he was in the compound of the Avengers. Again, the same suffocated screams. This time, kickings in a wall, too. He looked around desperately, trying to find you to wake you up, or change the dream to his liking, instead of more of your horrible nightmares. It took him what felt like an hour, though they were a few seconds, to finally find you against a wall, kicking and punching ineffectively at the supersoldier who, in his own sleep, grabbed you by the neck so strongly he lifted you a meter up from the floor. You were nothing compared to him. He was too strong, too tall, too… trained in violence. You wouldn’t hurt a fly, and had the complexity of such.
Your mouth and nose were covered by his other hand, trying to take away the air you could be inhaling. He was deep in his own dream -in his own murderous dream-, and you could not make any noise to awake him, this time.
Loki’s heart hurt so badly, it burned. This was a memory. He knew the difference, for he had them all the time. Flashbacks, reenactments of the same torture chamber your head creates for you, and only you, to feed your flesh to the monsters of trauma.
He couldn’t see you getting barely killed once again, so this time he didn’t delay it. He ran towards you and kicked Barnes so strongly, it might have even hurted the real him. You fell to the ground, unconscious. He didn’t want to know how you got out of that alive in real life, but could only assume it had to do with someone else walking in to help.
Loki touched the broken glasses beneath his feet and shaped them to look like a tree. Suddenly, the whole place illuminated with sunlight, and everything else, including James, disappeared. You were conscious, laying on the grass under a big tree. Loki was still standing there, and realized you noticed him.
“Hi”, you welcomed him. He had to stay, now that you were aware of him. “Would you stay with me?”.
“Of course”, he said. He caressed your hair and kissed your cheeks for a long time. So long, he had to remind himself to get out of the dream before you’d wake up. He created a new innocuous distraction and took off to real life after a while.
He admired you once again, sleeping on his arms. You looked calm, now. It was all fine.
You woke up in his arms. The sunrays shone through the window and laid on your face, warming you softly in the cold of the morning. He was still sleeping, eyebags already marked on his face. He looked tired. You wondered if he had just fallen asleep.
You sighed, staring at the roof. The hard images were still resonating in your head, echoing loudly on your ears. You felt too exhausted to even cry, too tired to even think any further on it. You were in Loki’s arms, and you were safe. It was all that mattered, for now.
You got up and walked to the kitchen of the compound, looking for two cups of coffee and cutting some fresh fruit on a plate. Loki stayed in his room, and woke up to an empty bed. He looked around, hoping you’d be somewhere in the place, but saw no sign of you and assumed you'd gone away when he fell asleep. He feared you’ve had another nightmare and didn’t feel safe enough sleeping with him. He then sat on the thought that he now knew exactly why you left every night. You weren’t avoidant. You were in pain. In a huge, huge amount of pain, probably every single night, and you were consumed by the fear that your partner would hurt you again in his sleep.
Loki sat on the bed and stared at the wall, still thinking about it. He realized you weren’t safe with him. He’s had nightmares that felt so real, so intense, that once he awoke he realized he had been doing the actions in real life. More often than not, he fell asleep in his Asgardian form, and woke up to blue skin and bright red eyes. You were not safe with him, unless he tried his best to control it. Even then… he wasn’t so sure.
You entered the room with two coffee cups in a pile and a plate of cut fruit, and Loki smiled widely. You weren’t gone. You’ve made breakfast. You were wearing one of his shirts, which looked huge on you, and your constant eyebags were nowhere to be found. You’ve rested well, or at least better than the usual. You left breakfast on his bedside table and sat on his lap. He surrounded your whole body with his arms and sank his nose in your neck, leaving kisses everywhere.
“Thank you for staying”, he said, and you kissed his forehead. He was terrified to have a nightmare some other night and scare you, or worse, hurt you. But he saw that, by your side, he slept soundly. Your embrace underneath the blankets made him drift off so deeply and happily, he wouldn’t even get the chance to move, much less have a nightmare.
“I dreamt with you”, you commented. He knew, for he was part of the dream. He smiled softly.
“Yeah, we were cuddling under a tree”.
“Sounds like a very nice dream”.
“It was. You know, I was so afraid”, you said, and started lazily braiding his hair with one hand, like a habit that was making its way through your fingertips, “I’ve had bad experiences sleeping with someone. It wasn’t anything too terrible”, you lied, giving it no importance. He furrowed his brows, still with his head on your shoulder, “but I didn’t want to be through that again. So it took me a while to feel safe with you. Now I see I didn’t have to feel otherwise”.
“I understand, love. You mustn't explain yourself if you don’t want to”.
“I know, but since I’ve never slept with you before, I just wanted to explain to you that it’s not like I don’t love you, because I totally do. It’s just that…”, you started saying, and stopped on your words. After a few seconds of silence, Loki raised his head to look at your face closely, with a wide smile. You blushed and chuckled awkwardly, and he chuckled too, holding your chin to not let you hide.
“I love you, too”.
“Sorry, I didn’t wanna tell you like this, by accident”.
“Don’t apologize, love. I’m happy you told me”.
“I love you”, you repeated, burying your face on his chest. He surrounded you tightly with his whole body, and you kept repeating “I love you, I love you, I love you”.
You were cutting vegetables when he noticed you were only half there. He was reading the paper out loud, sitting on the counter, and you nodded and hummed, though you weren’t actually listening. You stopped even looking at where you were cutting, staring with a lost look at the tiles of the kitchen. He put the paper down and observed you, worried.
“Are you alright, darling?”.
You didn’t answer, and kept cutting. You weren’t listening, and the knife was approaching your finger carelessly. He got down the counter and walked to you, to beware you. You were completely zoned out. He placed a hand on your shoulder as softly as he could, and the fright made you jump, cutting your hand. Loki, wide eyed, placed the knife on the table and put your hand quickly under cold running water.
“I’m so, so sorry, love. That was exactly what I was trying to avoid”, he muttered. You were still quiet, and it didn’t seem like the cut hurt you, if he were to judge by your expressions. You didn’t even look at it. You looked at him with the saddest look on your face he’s ever seen in you, and that alone was what worried him the most. He took your hand off the water to use Seiðr to cure you, but you pulled your hand away.
“I’m good, don’t worry”.
He furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head. Your wound was deep, it must have hurt, Loki thought. It did. It was stinging, painful, and blood was dripping off like a waterfall. Hands knew how to bleed. Even though it hurted, even though it burned, you were still half somewhere else. You couldn’t get to react, somehow immobilized with thoughts. It became all so much, it ended up becoming nothing. Numbness. Emptiness.
Loki put a hand on your back very slowly, so you wouldn’t get startled again, and this time you didn’t flinch. You faked a smile and let him walk you to the bathroom. You sat on the bathtub’s wall and he tried once again to clean your wound, but you were reluctant to let him.
“Please, love. It’s gonna get infected”.
You lowered your head and gave him your wounded hand, still dripping crimson. Just like Hansel and Gretel, someone could see your path from the kitchen to the bathroom from the traces of blood drops. Loki wasn’t sure of how much humans could bleed before getting light headed, and tried his best to stop the bleeding.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to hurt you”, he apologized once again. You shook your head, getting a bit back to reality. Your eyes began to get back that light they usually had.
“You’d never hurt me”, you assured him. “It wasn’t you, it was me. I got startled, that’s it. You’d never hurt me, I know it”, you repeated under your breath.
“You were dissociating”, he whispered, scared to touch the subject. It was unusual he would actually confront you about it, but as time passed he realized you might have needed someone to talk to, not someone who just lets things pass and let avoidance set in stronger.
“No, I wasn’t”, you lied, once again. You hated talking about it. Not with him, not with anyone.
When the worst thing happened and you made sure to never get anywhere near James again -in those times where it became the hardest; he wouldn’t want to let you go, and became violent in his consciousness-, everyone was around you to make sure you’d get help. You only wanted them to go away and leave you alone. To let you sink in your own depression; in your own guilt.
You kept repeating to yourself that it was your fault. That James Buchanan Barnes was suffering from severe trauma, and you not only demanded him to change it right away, but also left him alone once he didn’t manage to do it. And everyone around you told you you did the right thing, you had to leave, otherwise you’d be dead. But the gut-wrenching feeling of impotence, of knowing you’ve left him on his own when he needed your help, kept haunting you even at that moment.
So, no. You couldn’t speak about what you felt, because you thought it was too unfair, too egoistic, too victimized. And everyone would tell you you weren’t, and that you were, in fact, a victim. Deep down, you knew. You were aware. One sees those things from the outside and thinks “this will never happen to me, I know better”. And you do know better, but these things are always tricky.
There’s always a reason for you to stay, until the dark swallows you whole and all you see is him. Him and his love. Him and his violence. Him and his daydreams. Him and his nightmares. Him as a victim, and him as a victimizer. Him as the living representation of both fright and frightening.
“I know you don’t like talking about it”, he started, voice as serious as it could get, wrapping your hand with a gauze. You rolled your eyes and scoffed. You didn’t mean for it to come out that harsh, but it didn’t seem to have annoyed him. “I know all too well the signs. I want only to help you, love. I’m worried”.
“Signs of what, Loki? I told you I’m fine”, you spat.
“No, we’re not the same, Loki. Don’t compare my experiences with yours. You went through real shit. I didn’t go through what you did, nor anywhere near”.
“Y/N, I know what you’ve…”.
“Thanks for helping me with the hand. Now, please, leave me alone”.
He lowered his head and nodded, walking out of the room. It was not the time. Not yet.
“They seems so well”, commented Banner over the microscope. “I was wrong about that guy. As far as we know, at least”.
“You mean chokey-chokey? Or Mr. Tried-To-Take-Over-Earth?”, said Tony Stark, gulping down a cup of cold coffee.
“That’s uncalled for. You care for them, you might as well care for their partners”.
“Well, pardon me for not trusting their gut on this. Do I need to remind you who…?”.
“No, you don’t. I was there, I remember”, cut Banner. “I just mean, Loki might actually be good for them. They’ve been dating for a while now. They seem happy together”.
“I wouldn’t trust that one either”, said Natasha, walking in with the empty wrapper of a sandwich from the compound’s hospital’s cafeteria. “I thought Barnes was perfect from them too, and look how they ended”.
“Can we please stop talking about this? It’s been a while and Y/N hates us still bringing it up”, followed Steve, walking in behind Natasha.
“Oh, come on”.
“Alright, alright”.
“You’ve been at the hospital?”, asked Tony, pointing at Natasha’s wrapper. “What happened?”.
“Minor inconvenience”, she diminished. Everyone went quiet, since the only times she didn’t actually elaborate meant something bad happened. “It really is a minor inconvenience. They’s fine”.
“They? Is Y/N hurt?”.
“You know, we were just talking about them”, added Banner.
“No, no. Loki took them to the psych ward for precautions. They’s not doing any better, you know”, she muttered, but the whole team heard. “Tony, did you know Y/N isn’t doing anything about their PTSD? I thought you were in charge of that”.
“They doesn’t need it, come on”, he brushed it off, and soon got all of the team’s angriest looks on his head. “What? I’ve had it and I’ve survived”.
“You survived because you got help”.
“Because I forced you to”, clarified Pepper. “I’m not about forcing them too. Done with that job”.
“Well, Loki is getting on their nerves to manage to get them help. He insists on how important it is, seems to know about it”, finished Natasha, and Thor scoffed. “What?”.
“So is my brother now becoming aware of the consequences of untreated trauma?”.
“What do you mean?”.
“Nothing”, he murmured with his jaw clenched and brows furrowed.
Thor had to put up with Loki’s nightmares for months, when Loki was -sort of- arrested in the Avengers compound, and they had to both sleep in the same room. He remembered vividly how his brother, who he’s always seen in his Asgardian form, woke him up to bright red eyes and the so-feared patterned skin he’s always been taught to murder and disrespect without hesitation. The first night, he held Mjölnir to his chest until his brother woke up, and just then, he realized it was him. To avoid the frostbite, he had to tie him up hands and feet to the bed, and just after it all happened he realized it might have made it much worse for him. It was cruel, but he had to keep himself safe, too. Though, after one very bad night, his brother had touched his throat in his sleep and nothing happened to the skin whatsoever. Only then he realized the so famous frostbite didn’t work if he didn’t intend it to.
“Is Y/N getting help, now?”.
“Yes”, nodded Natasha, very unsure.
He came home after the battle. The last mission went bad, terrible. He was injured, and pissed off, and very, very tired. Came home only wanting two things; a good bath and your lips over his wounds, as you always did. He hated that it had become almost like a routine; mission would go badly, he’d get home exhausted and most of the time, hurt too. The only good thing were your soft lips, leaving a trail of kisses all over his bare chest. But today, as he walked through the door, he knew it was going to be a difficult night anyway.
He knew how he felt before one of those nights. He’d feel weak, his feet heavy, his chest even heavier, his head would hurt and everything around him would be so… loud. So, incredibly loud, he’d go to bed immediately. And then, at night, he’d have nightmares.
But, this time, he ignored it. He ignored it because your lips, as the routine promised, washed away all worries. And because your shampooed fingertips caressed his scalp, wiping away dry blood and dust, leaving only the perfume of your hair products. And because he hasn’t had a nightmare by your side ever since you slept together, and that would sum up almost a year. Your breathing patterns in your sleep always lulled him to join you in sweet and peaceful dreams. No violence, no war, no deceiving, no death, no Frost Giants, no trauma, from any of the sides.
That was until that night.
He was too deep in. Too fallen asleep to even realize he was having a nightmare. Too immersed in it to get out.
He wanted to be holding you, your head on his chest. You weren’t there. Instead, the crushing weight of Mjölnir sank him underwater. He was still able to breathe, but he knew his magic wouldn’t last long. How could he get out? It was Odin himself wielding the Hammer, and his ears hurt from the screamings.
Who was screaming? His brother? No, Thor was laughing. It was his mother who ripped her throat apart in pain. A blink, and by his side a Jötun appeared by his side, holding his impaled mother by the neck. Laughing, too.
“Don’t fight it”, said Laufey. “This is what you are. This is what you’ve done. This is your doing”.
Loki, despite all words of Laufey, fought his best to get rid of Mjölnir over his chest. It didn’t weigh much, yet somehow he wasn’t able to hold it, to push it away. He grabbed it, and this time he turned on his Jötun form, knowing a Giant would be stronger. But it didn’t work. The screamings of his mother still echoed on his eardrums, but she was silent, quiet, still. Probably cold, but not as cold as he was. Loki groaned, and, already in his blue skin, tried to lift the Hammer off his chest.
“Loki!”, you screamed somewhere. Were you underwater with him? How were you breathing? He held Mjölnir stronger and stronger, this time ready to take you off the water, wherever you were. Your screamings were now whimpers. You were crying, crying so, so loud Loki’s chest weighed heavier and heavier, and this time it wasn’t Mjölnir. “Loki, I beg you to wake up”.
What?, he thought. And for a moment, his heart stopped. The water dried, Mjölnir disappeared, and everything came back to reality behind the black curtain of his eyelids hiding the truth. He could already feel his fingers holding something strongly, menacingly.
As he opened his eyes, yours were fixed on him, puffy red, dripping tears and staining your whole burning face. His fingers grasped your shoulders against his chest so toughly, you’d be bruised. He let go immediately, but it was too late. You were already on your feet.
“Love”, he called in a whisper. He knew what would follow. He couldn’t believe he actually let that happen. It was predictable. And he would punish himself all of his life for ignoring it.
“No”, you muttered, still crying. You wiped away your tears and new ones resurfaced. You, in between stutters, left it very clear as you made your way out of bed and to your clothes. “I’ve done this before. I’m sorry, I can’t do it again. I can’t go through this again. I love you, I really do. But not enough to risk it again. I can’t go through this again, Loki”.
“I know”, he said in a raspier voice, trying to hide his own throat knot. “I’m not stopping you”.
You stayed in silence for some time. Minutes passed, and you were both in silence, looking at each other. He noticed the bruises already formed on your arms and shoulders, and he choked out a sob.
“I’m so, so sorry. I should’ve known better”.
“I don’t want to fear you”, you whispered. His heart squeezed, flexible, before tearing apart. A few words that would hold so much weight, and you knitted them perfectly. He knew exactly what you meant. You continued, though it wasn’t necessary. You could leave right then without another word and he’d let you, he’d understand. “I once told you you’d never hurt me. I don’t want to be wrong”.
“You can’t risk it”.
“Goodbye, Loki. Take care, alright?”.
“I’m sorry”.
“I know”.
And without further ado, you left.
Years passed by. Loki has moved on, not hearing a word from you other than the occasional update from Heimdall. You have moved on too, in fact, you got married and had two gorgeous kids with your partner. You’ve made sure you were safe, and your kids would be safe too. You built a whole new life, a home, a place where -even when everything on the outside would be falling apart- it would all be just fine.
Loki stayed in Midgard for a few months, but after some time he went back to Asgard, coming back intermittently to visit his brother and enjoy Midgardian’s habits that had stuck with him when living with you. Even though he frequented Earth for decades, you never crossed. Never talked, and as far as you knew, never used Thor to talk about each other.
He’s seen your kids once, by accident. A beautiful little girl, fierce as you, running around the park with her big brother, who pretended to try and catch her but was clearly giving her advantage to win. He smiled at the sight. He had hoped you two would be the ones to raise those kids together. But thinking about it further, it was better like this. At the moment he realized those kids were yours, he didn’t look around for you. He hid under his veil of magic, transfigurating his face and clothes to look nothing like him, and looked around with curiosity, to see who was the person you’ve decided to marry after so many years.
He saw nobody, only you, reading on the park bench while waiting for them to get tired enough to get back home. The sun was setting and it seemed you'd been there for many hours, yet you were pleased with the calmness -something he wouldn’t use to describe you when he first met you; you ran around from work to work, mission to mission, danger after danger, without rest. Thinking back, it was probably a trauma response, a coping mechanism you no longer needed to return to-. You’ve healed, that much he knew.
You talked nonchalantly on the phone for a while, and smiled warmly, fidgeting with a bracelet. After some time, you called the siblings and they ran up to you asking for some cereals. He heard your voice, and it made him feel so far away from you, yet so close. Your voice was near a whisper, a melody, and he wanted to dance to it.
“Let’s go home and eat them there. It’s getting late, I don’t want you to catch a cold”, you said. He summerged himself in your voice, and decided it was no good for him. Then, he realized he might not come back to Midgard, ever again.
He did come back though, about only fifty years later. He had gotten a call from Heimdall, and stepping through the bifrost he already felt it coming. He knew he’d have to go, and Heimdall hadn’t said a word yet. He stood there, waiting for him to speak. Heimdall waited too, but for something else. Maybe he was looking for the right words, but he couldn’t pick them up properly. After a sigh, he resigned himself to just saying it as he thought best.
“I had hoped to warn you, to give you a chance to say goodbye. It happened suddenly”.
“What do you mean, exactly?”, Loki knew, yet needed the words. Needed to hear it loud and clear. You were dead, and he didn’t age a day. His hair was as black as it was sixty years ago, when he first met you, and his silk skin with no other wrinkles than his furrowed forehead made him mistaken for a seventeen year old Midgardian.
Maybe he did the right thing, to not be by your side for the rest of your life. The years for him happened like no more than a few breaths. He used them to learn a new kind of magic, and earn a few prizes in Asgardian competitions. He got a royal portrait done after making amends with his parents, and wrote half a book -a fictional fantasy about a world all too similar to Midgard, and villains all too similar to the Avengers-. Midgardian’s books weren’t bad, he realized, they just had enough time in their lives for some rough drafts, and then, they couldn’t continue them. Maybe it was just Loki’s thoroughness in everything he did that made him take that long. He had the time, anyway.
“The funeral is tomorrow at noon”, said Heimdall, and Loki nodded. “It’s a formality to wear all black, but I’m sure you’ll have no trouble finding clothes”, he said, pointing at his black leather armor. “No gold, though. All black”.
“I can arrange a suit, can’t go in there with leather and metal anyways”, he muttered, thinking whether he had saved that suit Stark had made him wear on a formal party, back when he was alive and thriving. Oh Norns, he thought, they might be all dead now. Whether by age or hero’s troubles. He then realized he might not see any familiar faces, other than the two very grown siblings you’ve raised with dedication and care. “Who’s gonna be there?”.
“Family and friends, only. It’s small, they asked for it to make it warm and cheery, like a party, instead of… sad”, explained Heimdall. “I’m sure if you explain briefly who you were to them, you’ll be welcome. Thor might be there as a friend, too. He was close to the kids. Now they’re adults, of course, but as kind as Y/N was, if not more”.
“Is the partner gonna be there or has they passed away too?”.
“Yes, it’s gonna be at their original home. One of the children flew across the country to get there. The wife’s around eighty years old, curly black hair worn in a tail, and tomorrow will be wearing a long skirt with patterned flowers, in case you want to address her. Again, all clothes on black, of course”.
“Alright, I’ll make sure to not… actually, I don’t know how much she knows”.
“She knows”.
“Oh. Alright”.
He didn’t tell Frigga he was going, and much less Odin, though they both knew. At dinner, he barely touched the plate, and Thor put a hand on his shoulder, reassuringly. Mortals die, he thought, though I cannot fathom this particular one being away forever. It’s fine. They’s on the open fields of Valhalla, I’m certain. Frigga knew his burdened look had to do with that brief adventure he had on Midgard, a few years ago, and she didn’t ask about it any further. It was the soft spot on Loki’s heart, a treasured secret to his family that would die with him; not because of embarrassment, but because it was too sacred to discuss it. Too precious.
He stood on the doorway. A wooden porch with peeled white paint and marks of arrows that landed on the wrong place sheltered him from the snow. Pacing back and forth, he knocked, trying to hide his anxiety. The little girl -he recognized- who was now a tall and beautiful woman with a big pregnant belly, opened the door for him. She tilted her head, asking who he was as she let him in and offered to take his coat. He was surprised the doors were actually open for anyone. As far as she knew, he was a stranger in an old suit and with a bouquet of flowers that were definitely not from her planet.
“I’m Laufeyson, you might not have heard of me”, he introduced himself with a smile. “Though I have seen you once, when you were very little”.
“Were you a friend from childhood? I don’t remember you”, she said, thinking she was his age. He chuckled softly, and gave her the bouquet.
“I’m very sorry for your loss, lady…”, and he stopped at his words. Oh, how could he have not asked Heimdall for the names? What an idiot, he reprimanded himself.
“Call me Lillian”, she smiled, “and thank you. I assume it’s your loss too, so I’m equally sorry. May I offer you something to drink? My family’s in the kitchen, in case you want to say hello”. She was kind, Loki thought. Unconcerned, obliging, attentive to others, even at one of her parent’s funeral. Though, Heimdall was right. The atmosphere seemed more like a party, a calm celebration of someone passing to another life, or a better place. Scanning through the faces of the crowd, people seemed nostalgic, not a trace of anger or bitterness was shown through them. Sadness in its best, in a reminiscent form.
“This is James”, she introduced a man not much older than her, with blonde hair tied in a knot and a fitted suit that seemed new for the occasion, all spotted with flour. Loki realized the kids, much like him, were adopted. In different terms, of course.
The wife was drinking a cup of tea, sitting over the counter. She didn’t seem her age, barely any wrinkles -some around her eyes, and some on the corners of her mouth-, a few ashed locks of hair that contrasted elegantly with her brown complexion, and the bright spark of her eyes made her juvenile, even near adolescent.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, James”, said Loki, extending his hand. James shook it with a strong grip, admiring him, as if he were seeing a celebrity.
“You must be Loki”, he said, and Loki raised his eyebrows in shock. Lillian gasped, realizing who he was. You must have never mentioned him as Laufeyson, now that he thought about it. “We’ve heard stories about you, it’s good to finally meet you in person. Thank you for coming, I’m sure Y/N appreciates it, wherever they is now”. Loki smiled widely, and found himself lost on words. His silvertongue meant nothing now, that he was surrounded by the warmest family he had ever met. His conjectures were right. He did well in leaving. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have built this family.
“Thor had told us about you many times”, said the wife, getting on her feet and taking his hand. “Though Y/N… not so much. A difficult folk to talk about the past, wasn’t they?”, she laughed. Loki chuckled. You didn’t change that much, then.
“Back then, it was impossible for me to know anything before we met”, he added. “I’m very glad to meet you all. I hope it’s not an inconvenience, or uncomfortable in any kind”.
“You’re very welcome here. You can stop by any other day, too”, said Lillian, and proceeded to introduce him to a few more people. Her husband, some friends from work, James’ “friend” -who she said was probably his partner, but he didn’t say it yet. Loki laughed-, and people who didn’t need much more introduction, as they yelled his name across the room.
“Oh my God, Loki!”, the unmistakable voice of the Scarlet Witch shone to his ears. His smile grew wide, and took her in his arms, spinning her in a hug.
“I thought you would be dead by now!”, he said, and she punched his shoulder playfully.
“Of course not! How come you didn’t visit Earth, your damn Highness?”.
“It wasn’t the royal duty the impediment, Wanda. I’m really sorry, I have no excuse”, he said. Lillian and James watched the interaction amused. “I see the magic trio is now reunited, is it not, Dr. Strange?”.
“Mr. Loki”, he nodded with a grin. “Long time no see”.
“I thought you were all dead, to be honest. Who else I know is here?”.
“You thought Y/N from us all would be the last one to go?”, called agent Romanoff with a glass of wine. She looked the most aged of them all, although keeping her usual beautiness and elegance untouched. Her figure persevered as athletic as decades ago. “Tony’s little girl is coming. Morgan, she’s in college now. A STEM girl nearly graduated, the proudness of the aunts and uncles”.
After a little bit of chattery, Loki decided to look around the house by himself. Pictures of important moments showed how quickly you and your family grew and aged. There were many, and the Avengers were involved in them too. Thor held the head of baby Lillian, with James trying to lift the hammer in the background. You and your wife kissing under a tree, legs intertwined. You receiving a prize for your exceptional job, and the prize itself by the picture. Drawings of the siblings, more pictures about them as kids, more pictures of the wedding, and travels, and a very long lived life. Much fuller than he imagined a short mortal life could ever be. Even dead, you lit up the house and life in all of them. You were as alive as the dead could be. Loki remembered a sonnet you once read him.
“(...) and nothing ‘gainst Time’s scythe can make defence,
save breed, to brave him when he takes thee”.
He found, a little hidden and a little apart from all the others, a picture of you two. He remembered that day very well. A stormy morning where you’ve decided you wanted to show him your favourite cafe, near the public library he liked so much. You spent all morning there, and then spent the day cuddling among the dusted books. You took a picture of you two with a polaroid, because he loved that camera. He loved to see how it printed an image so quickly and so precisely, so you took many and gave them to him. You clearly kept at least one for yourself. He smiled with tears finally forming in the corner of his eyes, grabbing the picture.
He promised he wouldn’t cry. To whom, he didn’t know. He thought he was alright with this, it was natural, after all. Mortals die, and you lived until the very last moment you could. A peaceful death, they said. You shut your eyes at night and didn’t open them in the morning. But the moments you lived with him stayed in the past, stayed with him, stayed in that old polaroid picture.
He stayed the whole ceremony, and smiled, comforted others, made friends, chatted, even danced. Every once in a while, he kept repeating, like a song with no melody, the verses of that sonnet you once read him.
“(...) Borne on the bier with white and bristly beard,
Then of thy beauty do I question make,
That thou among the wastes of time must go,
Since sweets and beauties do themselves forsake
And die as fast as they see others grow;
and nothing ‘gainst Time’s scythe can make defence,
save breed, to brave him when he takes thee”.
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