#lockdown feelings

[salamispots]

dream from several days ago

#dream diary #artists on tumblr #flotsam diaries #sequential #...I said I was gonna sleep but that obviously didn't happen HAHA #anyways really happy that I was able to get the colors/vibes I wanted down fjhkgj :'D #a lot of nitpicking and adjusting hahah #also kororon/eve was on blast for the majority of drawing this hghhjf #alright good night/morning/something yall #edit: was thinking more and the feeling I wanted to get across I guess is like when someone voluntarily #reaches out to touch me/casually/platonically and it's like a 'you're touching me of your own free will??? o H' #because when I was growing up had a parent who wasn't physically affectionate/would kinda brush me off #and that uhhhh kinda internalized as I'm gross and therefore shouldn't touch other people #(lmao took covid lockdown and very good friends to basically destroy that feeling yay) #anYWAYS had feelings but didn't quite know how to verbalize it hahah

[doufupuff]

always you.

#read the cn novel in lockdown and was never the same #words cannot describe how i feel about them #hualian #mxtx fanart #hualian fanart #tgcf fanart #tgcf #heaven official's blessing #hua cheng #xie lian #artists on tumblr

[camellia-thea]

i know we talk a lot about the isolation of chronic illness and disability, but i really don't think ablebodied folk get it.

i have made one new friend in person since graduating highschool in 2020. she is my housemate's girlfriend. she stays over frequently, and the only reason we are friends is because she stays over and we have shared university papers. i would not have had the opportunity to befriend her otherwise. that is in the space of three years.

i don't go out much. i cannot guarantee that i will leave my house within any given week. technically i have class i need to go to twice a week for an hour, but those moments aren't time for friends, they're time for classwork and i don't interact with people in a social capacity there.

i simply do not get the opportunity to meet people.

i cannot go out with friends and meet new people that way, because my social circle is already so small, and i don't have the energy to go out half the time anyway. when i do, i suffer for it later.

i don't meet people on campus because i'm immuno-compromised, and ableds seem to have forgotten that we are still in a pandemic.

i don't go to clubs or go out for the sake of going out because i can't. i've grown agoraphobic, because i am so worried that something health related will happen and i'll get stuck somewhere alone. i hate leaving the house because of the guarantee of an anxiety attack which leaves my body more likely to flare. it's a vicious cycle of isolation.

i am not the only one who has experienced this -- i can still leave the house, i can still go and visit friends with assistance. i struggle, but at the end of the day, it's still an option. there are others who are completely isolated.

the worst of it is that people leave. people get tired of the 'i can't come, i'm sorry', of the 'hey, i'm sick, can we postpone?'. even people who you love and hold dearly will stop trying. and it's awful. you have to sit and watch these people who you love walk away because they can't deal with your disability. i don't have words to describe how much that hurts.

it really is impossible for ablebodied people to understand, because for the majority of us, this isn't temporary. this is just how we have to live. and your social circle can only really get smaller.

#feather speaks #actually disabled #actually chronically ill #chronic illness #cripplepunk #physically disabled #cripple punk #i don't really know where i was going with this but the isolation is different from the kind that ablebodied people experience #and i think people got a taste of it with lockdown but it's definitely not the same? #i mean with lockdown it was universal but with us we have to watch other people live their lives and move on #and it's almost like we stay frozen #that's not to say that we don't have fulfilling lives or anything #but i dunno. it feels different #anyway i'm rambling to the void at this point #i just had thoughts and i wanted to put them somewhere

[radicalurbanista]

[Tweets from user rafael diaz @ goodfriendraf, posted 24 Oct. 22:

can’t help but feel more and more convinced that we’re so alienated from one another that we need to take on serious efforts just to rebuild community itself before we’re able to get much out of trying to organize it

still think about the campaign planning meetings and canvasses i put together when i should’ve at least spent months laying the groundwork with potlucks, cookouts, faith gatherings, and book clubs instead]

#been thinking of this too much since reading it #feels like it identified my own shortcomings #and what feels so apparent in every online space #and what we lost in two years of lockdown #tweets

[dykedteach]

literally can’t compute that people are just now learning about The Terror. wym you didn’t spend every waking day of the developing pandemic self-soothing by reading about a grumpy pussycat of a man falling in love with the worlds prettiest rectangle. how did you survive being locked down in your house without kinning edward little for a bit.

#my last day out before lockdown was to rmg and it still feels weirdly bittersweet to remember #TO CLARIFY: the things I was reading was the fanfiction of the tv show mostly djfjdjsfj but the book too

[ere-na]

I was going through the old interviews (I'm bored) and this one made me giggle again (back from May 2023). So on brand :D

Interviewer: The other element of your performance that everyone talks about is your green bolero sleeves. I heard that you've nicknamed them Kaalimato, which is Finnish for "cabbage worm".

Käärijä: Yeah, Kaalimato. It's a sex metaphor! We have [an adult] store called Kaalimato in Finland. They have some crazy things there.

Interviewer: Tell me more?

Käärijä: I don't want to tell more!

https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-65473482

#Jere pls if you start the topic finish the topic #ahh feels like ages ago #10 years ago #lockdown was 2 years ago but esc23 was 6 years ago #what is time #käärijä

[simmyfrobby]

Nolpat poem?

Amy Hempel, Bianca Stone, Charif Shanahan, Ollie Schminkey, Marina Tsvetaeva

#in full tknp lockdown atm so u asked for one poem and now get 5 #marina tsvetaeva also has that poem that goes Either love is ... / - a shrine? / - or else a scar. #either way im doing Bad. feeling Bad. #nolan patrick #travis konecny #misc #hockey poems #philadelphia flyers #tknp

[rickybaby]

danielricciardo: sunny conditions and xgames auditions

#currently pms-ing and these pictures are making me feel a wide range of feelings … #my body is telling me I need to have this man’s babies 🫠 #turned his nephew into a josh fan so that it wouldn’t look too suspicious when he’s constantly talking about him 👀 #but also did he renovate the farmhouse because it looks much nicer than what it was from the lockdown videos (and he has a much nicer sofa) #daniel ricciardo #winter break 24

[blazeball]

just like sitting here half angry and half devastated as it once again sinks in that i'll never be able to go back to when blaseball was happening and fun and beautiful

#i get this feeling like. once a week at least #its just so sad it always makes me so sad #i am happy it happened and wouldn't trade it for the world... but i am so sad #the thing is. the thing is. i could tell that blaseball was kinda. going downhill. like it wasn't what it once was #tgb was right when they said it was a game born from the pandemic and lockdown #and it was hard for it to like. live. in a world where that wasn't tge reality for a lot of people anymore #sighs so so sadly. i just miss her always #quincy.txt

[ousamakun]

jenny 🏍️

#enstars #ensemble stars #leo tsukinaga #madara mikejima #madaleo #I FEEL BAD TAGGING MAMA HES BARELY THERE. but this is mdlo #im stil on 24/7 nonstop knight killers lockdown but the song caem up on my spotify shuffle and i was like well.. ok... #anon i hope ur still out there. this one is for u mwa #my art

[utilitycaster]

Sort of a distant tangent off my post about Ashton, but I'm growing more and more suspicious of the fandom claim that there's no time for small RP moments in Campaign 3. I do think that it's been challenging to get deeper party bonding or serious conversations that aren't about the big philosophical questions they're facing, since those do take much more time; but then I think about Calamity, or Candela Obscura. I can genuinely give you at least a couple paragraphs about pretty much every relationship in the two Circles, or in the Ring of Brass. I can also point to no shortage of small moments between characters in the Mighty Nein Aeor or Vox Machina Vecna endgame episodes, which were all extremely plot-heavy and fast-paced, and D20 consistently nails character relationships in a fraction of the time.

I think it really does come down to, as Brennan Lee Mulligan always says, the character creation phase. Laying down a solid groundwork in which everyone has a detailed, rich backstory and sense of personality and relationship history (in the case of characters who knew each other prior to the start of the series) is absolutely crucial, and even in the case of characters who don't know each other before going in, a good amount of time spent in character creation ensures that it's easier for them to develop those interpersonal relationships on the fly. I know in actual play there's some degree of finding the character as you play, but there are games for which there is a very short runway, and I don't think it ever hurts to do more extensive character prep than the bare minimum. And if there are gaps, I think it also helps to go back and fill those in mid-way, away from the table - Travis clarifying Chetney's backstory being a great example that allowed the history of Chetney and Deanna to feel realized and full, despite only a few episodes.

I'll also be blunt: most of the time when people complain that there aren't moments because the plot keeps moving...they're mad about shipping. Which has always rung hollow to me. It was a common complaint in C2, that no time was taken for character relationships, despite them taking an entire half of an episode for the Beauyasha date and despite no shortage of moments for all three of the other couples (and plenty of platonic moments between friends). The issue was never a lack of time; it was that the characters they wanted to talk to each other didn't actually have the relationship in canon that the fans had dreamed up, and so, when the chips were down, they went to other people.

It takes two seconds to say something like "I hold their hand", even in the middle of plot-heavy adventuring. If someone doesn't say it, it's rarely the GM rushing them; it's the player either choosing not to do so, or not remembering to do so, and either of those is quite revealing regarding how the player feels about that relationship and where it stands in their priorities.

#i've felt this for a while but like. fundamentally? C3 is just...uniquely not set up for terribly satisfying shipping #even the ships I do like and that get small moments are relatively background #like 80% of quote unquote ship content is like. fanon goggles overlaying either parallel play or standard battle mechanics #which is fine! I think it's a different vibe and approach than the past 2 campaigns #i think especially in character creation; self-insert or easy for new players (c1) #followed by Morally Gray Campaign; Prove We Can Replicate This Success; Serious Characters (C2); followed by Let's Get Silly With It (C3) #which is less conducive to that profound connection of c1 or c2. which is not a bad thing! #but god. if you complain about the D&D show having too much d&d plot and not enough romance...yeah pal it's d&d not a dating sim #like I enjoy when there is romance in my fantasy but it's not a requirement. there is a genre full of romance. it is called romance. #i'm also thinking about this bc I need to watch wot s2 but i've been told that the fandom has gotten weird #like wow so moiraine/siuan is not the A plot? in a high fantasy Good vs. Evil series? WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT. #getting back to this...i'm also thinking about my own life and like. i moved to where i live not long pre-lockdown #and so i'm finding myself a resident of this area for 4+ years but with weaker connections than i'd have otherwise. and that's fine! #but psychologically i feel so weird about just starting to find my place bc it's been so long even though there's a good reason #and i wonder if the cast/Hells feels the same way ie why are we only just bonding now 70 eps in and so they're hesitant #that I Waited Too Long And Now It's Awkward feeling; that I Should Be Past This By Now fallacy #which. again. i think things early on could have been done differently but that time is past you need to live in the present now. #cr tag

[taylortruther]

literally nothing will ever beat that rush of hearting the first notes of the 1 or watching the cardigan mv debut

#no wonder this music feels so nostalgic rn #this is lockdown time

[abushelandablog]

The narrative do be narrating

#lestappen is magic confirmed #literally written in the stars i feel SICK SICK I TELL YOU #sorry for anyone who followed me for any other reasons we are on 24/7 maxcharles lockdown #f1 #max verstappen #charles leclerc #max x charles #lestappen #astrology #otp: just an incident

[no-where-new-hero]

Purplish-grey eyes, with violet shadows under them that always seemed darker and more alluring after Emily had sat up to some unholy and un-Elizabethan hour completing a story or working out the skeleton of a plot

Emily’s most annoying feature imo. I chronically have violet eye bags but they sure as hell don’t make my eyes more alluring!! Except maybe to a raccoon!!

#maud i love you and the beauty you bestow upon your characters #however! makes one feel very plain sometimes! #finished a long day of online classes and looked at myself in the mirror and spooked #emily’s quest #lm montgomery #lmm lockdown #some are born to endless night

[palms-upturned]

Like three of my coworkers in the past month have tested positive for covid, every day I see new ppl on my dash mentioning that they’ve caught covid, every day I see and hear from ppl who have come down w something that looks like covid but the test came back negative but also they can only afford to test once bc tests aren’t free anymore and the more accurate tests are also more expensive so there’s no way to know if it was a false negative, and yet nobody masks anymore. hell world hell world

#meg talks #like i feel like im losing my mind. i will admit that ive probably gotten too bold abt going out in public #but at least i never go out without wearing a clean n95 #and then i immediately look around and see no one else is wearing one and im like well fuck me i guess. #i refuse to get on an airplane or have anyone come visit me via plane bc fucking every time someone ik gets on a plane #they come back with covid #and i just keep thinking back to the start of the pandemic and the efforts to flatten the curve #and how if we’d just fucking. done it. if the lockdown wasn’t lifted so fast. we could have killed covid #instead we’re going on four years of this. and ppl just act like life is normal again #well it’s not normal for me. catching covid could ruin my body and cost me my job and then what #but nobody cares bc most precautions protect other ppl around us more than they protect ourselves #and nobody gives a shit abt the disabled #nor do they want to think abt the fact that they are one covid infection away from being disabled themselves

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

she has six stories left to change my mind but so far i gotta say reading kelly link’s get in trouble right after sofia samatar’s tender is…….. not doing link any favors

#i guess it’s sort of a relief to read some short stories and not like #feel my body physically seize up with emotion like someone is carving open my chest cavity each time #and also to not constantly be like ‘wow this person is so smart it makes me want to swear off language forever’ #but it would nice to be moved or impressed to some degree at any point #well. six more shots at it! #i guess in between i read zadie smith’s short lockdown book…. also not helping here #media 2k24