#lmao this is the worst time of my life and its really fucking pathetic

[infranthrax]

helo. im one they call 🍂 and id like to. make a request. i hope ur doing okay (*＞∇＜)ﾉ ur free to write this or not

i would like to request an angst w/ a good ending type of thing if its okay. a platonic f!reader&heartslabyul (seperately. if its limited to one character, you can go with riddle) headcanon that has the following plot;

mc is a pessimistic person, a very tired, overworked one. all they want is a bit of peace and quiet, but they care about the heartslabyul gang very much. they have kind of become a mom/older sister to the group (kinda like trey). anyway, one day the gang realizes that mc seems more irritable than usual which results in them making a snide remark/get in an arguement about the guy's flaws (like how riddle hurt many pre-overblot, how ace runs his mouth at the worst times, how deuce is not the brightest around, cater being addicted to his little social media sites, and trey ignoring the problems regarding riddle because he didnt want conflict, etc etc) that would hurt them.

they kind of ghosting everyone for a couple of days to calm down, and then they awkwardly come back with a box of sweets (that they managed to purchase by scraping by lmao, girlie's poor as hell...) to apologize, and eat them over tea! mc apologizes directly and wants to make up for their words, but they are not the best at speaking their mind.

ive seen countless fics where the main cast gets to be the agressive and sad, sopping wet cats, and reader comforting them. ngl, i wanted to write a piece where MC is the "sad little pathetic shrimp" but i just didnt have the time. anyway, i hope you like this prompt

oh my god I love this prompt! the mc is definitely the therapist of the group and I can imagine this happening… I restricted it down to just riddle given how detailed this prompt was, the rest of the dorm is self explanatory.☺️/pos (and thank you for your kind words! I hope you’re having a good day/night!)

generating new memory… please, one moment… ✨

𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊!

Heartslabyul x f!reader — headcanons!

sypnopsis: mc has had enough of the anal shenanigans after a near traumatic event, and she lashes back out at riddle, who is left bewildered and heated at the event.

light tw // domestic conflict, implied traumatic event

riddle rosehearts

riddle is just anal and sometimes he comes off as bossy and or ungrateful. that’s not really his intention however. that’s just an act of conditioning he’s been through.

so when he sees that you’re overwhelmed, at first he blind sighted to it. riddle isn’t great per se at emotions— let alone the ones of other people.

he gets on you for being late to class one day and it all piles up. You’re in a dorm full of boys— what girl wouldn’t have enough? at the time it was little around the time in which riddle overblotted, and he just went on with daily life like none of that ever happened.

he fucking hurt your ass. quite frankly that was the first (of many) overblots you’ll have to go through, and that’s how you’re gonna handle it? hell no, especially after the fact that you had to play superwoman to get the goons out of a near death situation.

before this, you had gotten into tiffs with the redhead on numerous occasions, trying to ground him down. never really did it work though as he was always stuck in his perfectionist ways. and you hated that about him because his mannerisms reflected into you.

he expected you to be able to carry yourself in a manner that would suit him. he expected you to dress a certain way. he expected you to follow his orders, his rules, his ultimatum. that you couldn’t stand any longer.

when he got on you for being tardy, the melting pot overflowed… and it wasn’t pretty either. let’s say you were in pain, in addition to your mental health plummeting due to not really having anyone to talk to, and then when mother nature calls upon you for your monthly drain you must attend.

you shouldn’t mess with the wrath of a woman on her period. this, riddle learned the hard way… with you.

“riddle… i swear… on god’s green earth, if you don’t shut the hell up… i’m fucking TRYING. I’M TRYING! FUCK YOU, YOU UPTIGHT PIECE OF SHIT, GO ON SOMEWHERE!”

and then the fire brewed. and then it exploded. (quite literally.) it would be hellish screaming match between you two, despite riddle claiming he is above such things. he really isn’t, he’s got a temper that’s about as fagile as glass. (no, it’s not microwave safe.)

after your blow up with riddle, you both proceed to give each other the silent treatment for the better part of a month. during this time you find comfort in your other classmates, spending time with other students outside of heartsllabyul, namely vil and rook, just for a boost of female empowerment.

and while riddle was contemplating all the bullshit that went down between the two of you, he began to feel a little bit of guilt. mattered if fact, both of you did. you shouldn’t have been so aggressive and he shouldn’t have been so… well, himself.

before class one day you enter your lab room to see a small box at your seat with a little note attached to it.

it was from riddle— a little chocolate potion bottle with those biscuits— the exact ones from the disney movie. little did he know, you happened to pop by sam’s shop to get him some mini fruit tarts and snuck into his class early to put them on his desk. you ate his little gift up, in a little bit of worry. would he accept that?

at the end of the day though, you had to return to heartslabyul to see him. and what a surprise, he wanted to talk to you.

call it him playing kiss ass— no, he’s not. he’s sorry. to be true, he should be more careful and more intuitive as a dorm lead to ensure the comfort of his students, and he does understand that sometimes he can come off as overbearing or, dare i say dictatorial. it’s really not meant to cause harm. it has a lot to do with his upbringing.

and you were sorry too. and you both hugged it out. every couple has their tiffs, right? just something he’s gonna have to work on.

#📍|| infra is logging… #twisted wonderland #memory bank #quick access #files application #twst #twst x reader #riddle rosehearts #riddle rosehearts x reader #riddle x reader #heartslabyul #twst angst

[weirdcat1213]

TRIMAX VOL 2 YEEP YEEP YEEP

time for the thoughts :D

chap 1:

-YES HES HERE :D

-ok when you think about thats brutal af, this is the worst nightmare of anyone who takes public transport

-:c hes so soft

-the fucker with the balls scared me >:v get out and leave my son alone

chap 2:

-legato eating lmao :b but creepy at the same time

-"no guys we cant destroy him anymore, just traumatize him" what a metal thing to order knives, you sicko

-OH I LOVE THIS SCENE

-vash is doomed to be driven everywhere hes like me fr

-aw he looks tired :c

-nightow honey.....thank you so much for this dumb joke lmao

-yes vash ofc your bf is hiding something but this is not the time to think about that

-oh wait i remember this chapt-...oh fuck

-*insert 98 vash yelling get me out of here*

-"demon priest" nice nickname for your bf

-OH WAIT DO THEY STRAIGHT UP TOLD HIM "he so your brother wants us to traumatize you, yknow the classic stuff" TO HIS FACE I FORGOT

-also NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

-PLEASE HE JUST WANTS TO GO HOMEEEEEEEEEEE

chap 3:

-oh the title page of this one *chef kiss*

-OH MAN HES READY TO GET INVOLVED DID I MISS THAT THE 1ST TIME???

-ooooh the betrayal

-oh that line that tries to be a panel line is cool as hell

-...ok i yet dont get much from this battle but pretty cool nonetheless

-i got the final part tho

chap 4:

-ok i do respect samurai guy here tho, die with your principles ma man

-ah no its the timeeeee noooooooooooooo

-im gonna need a hug

-:c

-ok i need the hug now

-IM GONNA START CHEWING GLASS

-"im willing to die so you fucking realize you cant go around in life just running away" is raw af, but replying with "im not gonna shoot you cuz i want to fucking show you hope" is even worst

-NIGHTOW IM GOING TO YOUR FUCKING HOUSE AND after respectfully shaking your hand BITE IT

-the man who bears the role of savior with a smile while it hurts vs the man who bears the role of the murderer without an expression while it hurts...IT ALL JUST HURTS

-MY GIRLS ARE HERE

-AH NAHHHHH I FORGOT ABOUT THATTTTTT

chap 5:

-nooooo stoppppppp :c

-something something, parallel with vash in a escape pod something, something tears

-I HATE LIFE ACTUALLY (the hc of wolfwood having regular nightmares is not even a hc, it actually happens)

-"we need 2 rooms" cmon dont be shy :3

-oh wait i love this chapter :3 even if it has the most unhealthy implications ever like vash omfg cant you just take a fucking break :)

-nah hes not ignorant of anything...hes just really stupid with a big ass heart

-ok i feel like im insulting vash too much rn, its the wolfwood pov mb

-hes so dead

-awww :3 im sorry for calling him stupid, he's just really nice in a world where mercy is basically being stupid

-vash is making the smallest and most pathetic noises and the guy is like "oh wow you can help me come up with a plan? thanks :D"

-woop

-i agree with rob but i also agree with his dad. this ties back nicely with the thing about considering killing people just because of family.

-i mean...yeah theres something deeply wrong with vash...those arent news i think

chap 6:

-wolfwood noooooooooooooooooooooo :c

-wolfwood dont *smack in the head* stop those thoughts rn

-i love wolfwood poking on the subject like "well at least i cant do that cuz IM HUMAN.....what about you vash hm?"

-AND WE LOVE A CHARACTER WHO DOESNT HAVE EVERY VALUE SET IN STONE :D vash ily and your search for an answer sm

-ah that looks pretty :D

-when i tell you THAT FUCKING SCENE HASNT LEFT MY MIND SINCE I READ IT THE 1ST FUCKING TIME. I FUCKING FREAKED OUT ABOUT IT CUZ I WAS SO FUCKING RELIEVED AND THATS ON MY TOP MEANEST THINGS NIGHTOW HAS DONE. AND THIS IS VOL 2 OF TRIMAX

-also lets go back to wolfwood "i don't have the right to hold you" vs vash embracing the hugs ONLY TO GET THIS. WHAT ARE YOU TELLING ME NIGHTOW HUUHHHHHHH YOU MF-

(i dont think we'll get this or something similar in stampede but if we do...if we do i will bite people and that's a promise)

chap 7:

-SHUT UPPPP, WOLFWOOD KILL HIM

-YEAH CMON BABY

-im.....im so sad for him

-"the mind of a man is bleeding out".....yeah you can call him that ig

-oh shit thats how this volume ends??? fuck ig????

#trigun #trimax #trigun maximum #trigunbookclub #no one talk to me actually

[writing-shroom]

rant post + help lmao

hi this is kind of a cry for help but also just a rant thing, but if you have like thoughts or anything it's well appreciated or just ignore it im just shouting in to the void

does anyone have like tips or advise on someone who's lost, not in a what will i do with my life kind of sense just creative sense

so my mental health is deteriorating slowly, i think it's obvious this year has not been the best for me from the numerous breaks i keep taking lmao but i dunno it's just bad

ive pin pointed it down to me just losing interest in what i like, its a pattern i go through often i get into a fandom and thing i REALLY enjoy and i stay in for a year and i love it

but then after that year, im

well im like this, just sad not knowing what to do cause i think theres less things in the thing im enjoy does that make sense? even though i know thats not true or even if it is

(more stuff under the cut)

i think im bored or burnt out, but then what do i do in the past when this happens i had another thing to fall back on, do i didnt get left alone with my thoughts

but now, i have nothing to fall back on, i havent gotten anything new and the years up. god its sad that my whole day can be ruined cause i have nothing to think and just imagine scenarios for

it's such a pivotal thing for me and its stupid, but i just need something to daydream or spend my time having fun with yk?

ive tried focusing on my social life instead but then it's just became a coping mechanism to replace this other coping mechanism, it isnt healthy i know but what the fuck do i do

ive tried getting into something new but i cant find anything, i mean theres so much media out there i just cant,, click with it i guess?

another thing, very random but, does anyone else see your past fandom you were previously part of and having fun it and just feel

guilty?

guilty that you left it, or maybe you were working on something for the fandom but then just lost interest mid way so everything time you see the unfinished project the guilt becomes worst

i cant even think about my most recent fixation (genshin in this case) without feeling guilty that i havent checked the tags in a long time, that im missing fics that i probably wouldve really liked

like legitimately its hard for me to open my likes because ill get sad and guilty that my most recent likes are from a fandom i dont even check in on anymore, i dont feel guilty that im "betraying" the fandom

i feel guilty at myself, and angry even. because theres a reason i dont check the tags anymore, theres a reason i dont check in on whats happening anymore

i know for a fact ill get sad that theres nothing that makes me excited anymore, which is ridiculous because im comparing how interesting everything was when i first got into genshin (which was a year ago now) to now. of course things have died down so why am i still sad over it

to the point where i cant even enjoy what i used to enjoy about the fandom because i keep comparing it to how it was before

drama and controversies aside, i dunno man i just

bleh

this is pathetic i need a better grasp on my mental state then this

anyways yeah, this is my contribution for the tumblr gods, do what you wish with this.

#🍄shroomy reblogs #help lol #sad thoughts #burnout

[dr3amofagame]

Dream tried to stop Wil from creating L'Manburg, Phil tried to stop him from blowing it up, BOTH value people over items and builds, Phil has said that they're replaceable but people aren't, Dream traded spirit for his best friends fishes (we kno he's not someone to talk abt feelings:[) BOTH were kind and selfless but used by almost if not everyone, BOTH were ready to be THE VILLAINS if it meant everyone else could live better after. ONE of them always had someone there, ONE didn't. Intentional?

aaaa sorry for the really inconsistent posts ,, im gonna try to post a little more in the next few days. i have a few things written up, so look out for them? maybe? for now, have this *gestures vaguely* thing ,, it’s kinda a mess but *shrug*

phil is such a fun character, anon, especially for all the reasons that you mentioned in the ask!! he’s a really fun character with a lot of complexities that go (sadly) overlooked by a large portion of the fandom, but he’s super cool even tho i havent analyzed him too much. hope you enjoy (and i hope my interpretation of c!phil isnt too ooc lmao) 

tw: mentioned blood, injury, implied torture/abuse, starvation, trauma, mentioned death, prison arc/pandora’s vault

When Techno first brings Dream back from the prison, Phil doesn’t quite know what to think.

“I don’t trust him either,” Techno assures him, but there’s a flickering anger in the backs of his eyes, one that had emerged ever since he came back from the prison with the other man in his arms, and Phil knows his friend well enough to know that the words are empty in the face of the piglin hybrid’s particular brand of to-the-death loyalty. He shakes his head in reply, refusing to voice his thoughts for Techno’s sake, at least, but the look that the other slants at him suggests that he’s caught onto them all the same.

At first, the work is thankfully mindless; even if Phil has reservations on the man that Techno has more or less dumped into his house, he would hardly wish the clear suffering he’s been through on anyone. The first few days pass in a flurry of brewing potions, wrapping and rewrapping dressings, stitching up cuts and setting broken bones straight. The damage is extensive; Phil has to take more than a few breaks to just leave the house and breathe - he’s far from a stranger to blood and carnage, had received the title of ‘Angel of Death’ for a reason, but even he had never been particularly familiar with this form of cruelty. Torture was a level of violence that extended beyond what even he was willing to bestow - his hands may have caused many deaths, and the weight of each one would continue to haunt him for the rest of his life, but even those had the mercy of being a quick end. The wounds and scars that ripple over Dream’s skin, thin and stretched tightly over his bones with little muscle and fat left to cushion them, speak of horrors that were anything but merciful.

“I didn’t know they were capable of all of this,” Techno says, once, as they huddle of Dream, wringing towels in cold water to wipe his feverish skin. Techno’s hand reaches for the ribboning gold-filled scars that remain from the execution - carefully, Phil raises his hand to let his fingertips brush over them as well. “I mean, I knew he was dangerous and all, but-”

“I know, mate,” Phil looks back at Dream’s face, tight even in unconsciousness, at the darkened, hand-shaped bruises that remain around his throat, at the scar that runs over his left eye, clearly meant to mirror the same one that makes its way down the duck hybrid’s own face. “You said that Quackity and Sam were working together?”

“Yeah,” Techno’s expression darkens, eyes focused somewhere on the wall, seemingly very far away. He said that nothing happened to him in the prison, and he seemed relatively unharmed when Phil activated the stasis chamber, but ever since he came back, sometimes he’ll have moments, and Phil can’t help but - wonder. “Quackity does the dirty work, Sam gives him the way in and out, probably also the tools to do it. It’s-” he huffs a short, self-recriminating laugh. “It’s bad, Phil.”

“Mate-”

Techno shoots him a look, and Phil cringes, knowing already that he’d used the wrong tone. Even with the execution, Techno had been adamant to hide all traces of his own terror and fear away from him, masking it all with fury for Phil’s own sake. He knows, just from the way his old friend looks at the ribboning scars that remain sometimes, that he is far from as over the whole ordeal as he acts, but Techno never wants to talk and Phil never knows the right time to ask and they smooth it all behind plans and explosions and hope that the TNT can blow apart the trauma, too. He’s got a sneaking suspicion that the same thing is going to happen, here.

“As soon as we can,” Techno starts again, pointedly shifting his eyes away from Phil’s face, “we’re calling a Syndicate meeting to figure out what we’re going to do about the prison. Like- come on, man, you couldn’t make a more transparent abuse of institutional power if you tried, really-” he looks over, uncharacteristic uncertainty warring over his features. “If you think that’s good, I mean-“

“Of course, mate.” Phil’s voice softens. “Whenever you’re ready.”

‘Whenever he’s ready,’ as it turns out, is easier said than done, becoming even more evident when their charge wakes up from his days long spell of unconsciousness. The worst of his injuries have, under their careful care and the benefit of many potions, healed enough to no longer directly threaten his life, but the vast majority have quite some time to go before being healed completely. Being as the goal was torture and not death, most of his injuries weren’t made to be life-threatening, but rather to cause as much pain as possible - from the grimace that twists Dream’s face when he struggles to force himself awake, they’re doing their jobs.

“Hey, mate, slow down,” Phil murmurs, pressing the man down by his shoulder when Dream weakly tries to push himself up and off the bed, and his struggling only lasts for a few more minutes before he gives up and slumps against his pillow, eyes cracking open and seeming surprisingly lucid.

“Where-“ his voice is wrecked, and Phil reaches for the glass of water at the bedside as Dream coughs. “Where am I?”

“You’re at Techno’s house,” Dream’s eyes widen and then slip closed as he processes the information, a wrinkle forming between his eyebrows as they knit together. “We broke you out, after Techno escaped with a stasis chamber with your book. Do you remember?”

Dream gnaws on his bottom lip. “Um- yeah. I think.” His head turns as his eyes crack open again- “Techno-“

“He’s out, right now. He’ll be back in a bit.”

“Oh.” Dream falls back into the bed, strength seemingly sapped from the short conversation. His breathing stutters, then steadies. “Okay.”

Recovery is slow. Phil doesn’t actually find himself seeing the man very often; now that he doesn’t need around-the-clock care anymore, he’s moved back into his own house, letting Techno do most of the work when it comes to rehabilitating the escaped convict crashing at his house. As he begins to spend more of his time awake and aware, he brings a whole slew of new problems; Phil catches him screaming one day, blurting harsh, angry words as Techno reads, unbothered from the other side of the room, and he stops in his tracks standing awkwardly in the doorway.

“Um-“ he winces when Dream curses, smashes something against the floor, and then curls into himself at the sound. Techno doesn’t even flinch. “Am I interrupting something?”

Dream stomps away, face flushed, arms wrapped around himself. Techno raises an eyebrow.

“You lookin’ for something, Phil?” he asks, and the unpleasant knot in Phil’s chest refuses to unwind.

The episodes, unfortunately, don’t seem to get much better. Though he’s rarely outright violent, Dream looks constantly murderous, usually muttering underneath his breath about something or another while he stalks the grounds of Techno’s house. It’s not too long before Techno sends him out to work around the house instead of just moping within the cottage, which also means that Phil sees him a lot more - tending to a small farm behind the house, feeding the dogs, hacking away at mobs, and usually complaining the entire time. It’s unnerving, even as injured and unarmored as the man is, to see him walking around like this; despite his rather pathetic appearance, swamped in sweaters that dwarf him thoroughly and thin enough to look like the slightest breeze will knock him over, his eyes are flinty and intelligent and bubble with promises of revenge.

“FUCK!” Phil turns to see him slamming a shovel into the snow, stomping away into the woods, and his hands tighten around his cup of tea. Next to him, Techno shrugs.

“Nerd’s got a few issues,” he drawls, and Phil laughs shortly.

“That seems like an understatement.”

“He’ll ease up in time,” Techno sounds surprisingly confident, completely content despite the muffled curses that come from the woods next to them. He’s probably used to it, with Chat and all, but Phil can’t quite seem to find the same calm.

“I just don’t know, mate,” Phil shakes his head. “You sure having him around is the best idea? He doesn’t seem...stable.”

Techno looks up at him over the rim of his cup of coffee. His head tilts, considering, but there’s a small smile on his face that tells Phil that Techno, inexplicably, doesn’t share the same sentiments. There was always a part of him that was, for the lack of a better word, softer than the rest of the server for his self-proclaimed rival, a sort of understanding that Phil could hardly hope (nor would really want to) understand.

“Don’t worry, Phil, if he tries anything I can always just tie him up in the attic or something,” Phil huffs a small laugh, amused, and nods to concede the point. “And- well, call it intuition. You could really try talkin’ to him, you know. He reminds me of you, sometimes.”

The words stick in his head despite his best efforts, rattling in his skull when he tries to sleep, lingering when he catches glimpses of the green-clothed man stalking around their properties. He can’t imagine what would’ve prompted his old friend to make the comparison, can’t think of a single thing (besides their affinity for the color green) that would mark him as similar to the - from what he’s heard - deranged menace with a particular penchant for destruction (not that his rants and fits of anger are doing anything to correct that impression). Even so, Techno had sounded so sure when he’d made the comparison, the words offhand like he’d thought them a million times before, like it was a simple observation that held no more weight than commenting on the color of the sky. Phil watches as Dream lugs a pile of logs behind him, huffing at one of Techno’s dogs that comes to chase and nip at his feet and grumbling loudly before faceplanting into the snow. He just...can’t see it.

Days later, Wilbur comes to visit, a grin on his lips as he dramatically recounts his newest exploit: a nation by Las Nevadas, a supposed safe haven away from the glitter and glory of Quackity’s city; it sounds brilliant, it sounds lovely, and more than anything it sounds stupid, and Phil tells him as such immediately.

“You’re being reckless,” he rants at his son, wings flaring outwards and only barely noticing Dream watching from the corner of his eye, “What are you doing- picking fights with Quackity? Starting another nation- didn’t you see what happened to the first two you made? You’re going to get yourself killed, Wil!”

“Well, I’ve already seen what’s on the other side of death, and it’s really not that bad-“

“You’re my son!” The words are angrier than Phil would’ve liked, and he knows that he looks ridiculous and overbearing, criticizing the actions of his fully grown son, but all he can see is Wilbur’s face, slack with pain and grief, stained with ash and soot as his eyes flutter to half-mast in the midst of the rubble of a country he loved and destroyed and destroyed him in turn. “I can’t lose you again, Wil!”

Wilbur doesn’t quite storm out, but it’s a near thing, leaving with a clipped goodbye and leaving Phil seething on his doorstep. He spends the rest of the night pacing around the house in a sort of mad frenzy, wings stretching and folding over and over. Not for the first time, he longs for the sky, to feel the air through his wings and let the world fall into pinpricks below him; it’s this that leads him to the roof of his house, staring stubbornly at the clouds as the sun sinks down to the horizon.

“Hey.”

Phil startles; there, down below him, is Dream. He rocks back on his heels, seeming awkward, before clambering up the wall (Phil rolls his eyes at the ease with which he scales it, the feeling in his chest almost fond) and settling himself on the shingles at Phil’s side.

“Hey, mate,” Phil shakes his head. The fondness leaves, and the irritation that had risen at Wilbur’s words, earlier, comes back full-force. “Sorry- Wil came to visit, we talked. I just needed some time to think.”

Dream hums in acknowledgement, and they fall into a comfortable silence, watching as the sun dipping down past the mountains in the distance.

“You know,” Dream starts, sudden, “I told him the same thing.” He looks up at Phil, eyes faraway with old memories. “Wilbur, I mean. When he made L’manburg- I told him he was being reckless.” He shrugs. “I guess he never listened.”

Phil pauses, Techno’s words ringing in his ears. He reminds me of you, sometimes.

Dream looks surprisingly normal up close - face no longer reddened with fever or pale from blood loss, even the scars fail to really take from the boyishness of his face. He bites his lips, eyes falling away at Phil’s scrutiny, golden blond hair flopping over his forehead, newly trimmed to be something a little closer to his old length, at least in the front, the back pulled into a small ponytail. He’s young, and shockingly awkward, teeth worrying his lip, hands fiddling with each other, shifting his weight from one foot to the other several times a minute. He looks like a kid.

“He never does,” Phil lets himself smile, watches as Dream smiles back, almost like they’re sharing a joke. He wonders how well he really knows the man behind the mask. “Want to come in for some tea?”

Dream smiles wider, and something old and worn in Phils chest, knocked loose ever since he felt his son fall limp in his arms with his own sword shoved between his ribs, falls back into place.

“That would be great,” Dream replies, the words almost hopeful, and they go inside.

#tw trauma #tw death #tw blood #tw injury #tw torture #tw abuse #tw starvation #prison arc #pandora's vault #-> my writing #my writing :D #my asks !! #-> my asks

[atomiclightcycle]

C!Wilbur lovepost

Decided to write up some thoughts from discord because C!Wilbur is a really good character in my opinions for a bunch of reasons and i love him very much.

C!Wilbur's mental illness hits so hard personally because of the way I go through it, and the way people react to it. Just the endless thoughts that never ever stop and every doubt you have. It feels like you are losing everything and nothing will ever be okay again, and you want to die so bad because there’s nothing left for you but also you have to grapple with how much you have to hurt everyone because you love them so much and you don't deserve them so you know you’re going to hurt them which just makes you feel shitter.

 The paranoid thoughts that never end and you kinda know it’s not true so you feel like you’re going crazy but it feels so real and its terrifying and its worst when people confirm that because you weren’t wrong and it’s going to happen again and there nothing you can do to stop it but also people on the outside don’t see and don’t believe you so it’s so incredibly isolating. Also the shame in it all like you should be stronger than his you and that you are better than this. Also the way people treat you as well like its different and you can tell like either they don’t get it and they’re really harsh and it gets in your head and reinforces that they hate you or they are nicer which makes you feel even more pathetic and worthless, or they are scared of you not because you would ever hurt them like intentionally but because it’s scary seeing someone you love so sick and nobody wants to be the person to push them over the edge and they don’t know what to say.- this is why it’s so harmful to assume that has an abuser because tommy is scared of him despite him never having abused him. Like at points I was so scared I had abused my little sister and didn't know despite that not making any sense and nobody having said that, turns out she was nervous around me and avoiding me for the reasons above.

 Also, the way you lash out and say things you regret because you’re so fucking scared, and it feels like everyone wants to hurt you. Then if you start getting better it’s like you ruined everything yourself and there's nothing left for you and it’s all your own fault.

 Like c!Wilbur is such a good and accurate portrayal of all this and the way people demonize him for it is kinda shitty (am I not saying that he should be excused for his actions however his illness is not a bad action but a condition he can not help but have), but on a more positive note its such good writing on the part of cc!Wilbur.

I’m also very fond of c!Wilbur’s positive traits that are so often ignored. C!Wilbur cares so much and so deeply about others and it’s so frustrating that people erase that because of manipulation,  even the worst stuff he has done was to help others like the destruction of l'manberg was because he convinced himself that the thing he had put so much effort in could only hurt people anymore because of him, and him manipulating tommy now was because he cares for him and after everyone else has left he feels he need him to stay like he cares so much.

Another thing I find is often ignored is c!Wilbur’s trauma. He was in the control room with his actual son and two other teenagers who were all there in part of him and he also trusted eret so much, borderline romantically- that was where his paranoia started or at least got worse, after the control room he was willing to lose it all and give up. Then presidency wasn't great either because he was suddenly responsible for everyone else and putting so much effort in and crying himself to sleep every night, but it didnt seem like anyone cared or listened to him. So, he hosted an election which was basically asking does anyone like me, and has his son and close friend run against him and lost so that feel like that question was answered with a no, then as he is running for his life he dies in front of everyone while tommy the only person he can trust for sure now is in danger and that’s all before pogtopia.

The day people stop acting like Wilbur never cared about l'manberg is the day I die happy as it so clear he did, his plot line wouldn’t really make sense if he didn’t.

Wilbur soot is the onliest character ever, he has got a cool aesthetic, he’s good representation of mental health and what it’s like to live with that, he’s got a dynamic relationship with morality, he’s not a perfect dad but he’s a good dad, he’s wrong a lot but you can see his perspective, he’s got a cool design, he has an interesting way of having his pov shown, the things he does makes sense, he’s try to get better despite how hard that is, he care about other, good sense in fashion, he’s fun, he’s engaging, and he’s fun to think.

I often feel like c!Wilbur has just been mistaken for jd at times especially now with the putting cigarettes out on tommy angst, like nothing against jd but that's not c!wilbur. L'manberg was not destroyed to send a message it was destroyed because he thought it was hurting people. He doesn't treat tommy like JD treats veronica, besides the obvious, he is not abusive towards tommy and his possessiveness is out of fear instead of a naturally controlling nature.

Another way I dislike the fandoms portrayal is with the red eyes trend as it weirdly ableist and dehumanizing. Also, on a personal note Wilbur’s character has black eyes and i have pretty much black eyes and want to see more characters with them lmao. A cool suggestion I have seen for the red eyes are some red heart glasses which I personally like because I own some and holy shit they are so cool and gender. After everything he deserves this, and we should let him heal in style. Another headcanon I like is when wilbur goes through redemption, tommy gifts him a blue beanie made out of friends wool which I really like as it makes them matching with tommy and the cardigan people uses.  Both of these headcanons come from l’manbur apparently but I heard them from @the-redeemed-anon​   who is a member but i'm not sure if she personally came up with them.

Personally i feel as tommy has been clairifed, i think wilbur should be hippified. So below for i think crimeboys should be fanonized /j

^^^wilbur

^^tommy 

also btw i've decided 💛 is my emoji for crime boys because tommy is golden boy and wilbur is yellow, blue is also very nice because blue= l'manberg and friend but I like yellow

Anyway in conclusion

#dream smp #wilbur soot #c!wilbur #c!wilbur pos #tw mental health venting #tw victim blaming #long post #death mention #discussions of trauma #atomicpost

[charlie-boio]

The Only One For Me: Part Two

Summary: Everyone gets assigned a magical allegiance once they turn 16: Healers, Electrics, Shifters, and Darks, who were more often referred to as Voids. Once you reach 25, you no longer age until you meet soulmate.

After being outcasted by the world so long ago, Stiles Stilinski gave up on ever subjecting his soulmate to being with a Dark and decided that if the world would only ever treat him like it, he’ll be exactly what they wanted him to be: Void

Word Count: 10,098

A/N: My dudes I cannot BELIEVE I thought this ENTIRE story would be a 5k word fic lmao in total its over 16,000 words!! Also I know I said Wednesday but better late than never. Some of you wanted to be tagged which I’m so happy that you enjoyed the first part so much to be tagged in part two. This is the final part so I hope y’all enjoy it as much as I did. I do have new stuff coming soon! Anyways, I’m super proud of this so I hope you enjoy it too!!

**WARNINGS: NFSW! Self-harm, mentions of suicide, angst. On the smut side there’s fingering, oral (female receiving, mentions of male receiving), multiple orgasms (first detailed smut lmao). 

 The house shook after the door slammed shut. You laid there slumped on the ground, with a dumbfounded look on your face.

What the fuck just happened? We’re soulmates, we’re supposed to love each other…right?

You knew the stories of people who had met their soulmate then immediately were separated from them or if they couldn’t satisfy the sexual drive that heightens significantly after meeting. A lull falls over the both of you that could easily be described as a depression fog that clouds you both until you’re reunited once again.

You could already feel it heavy in your chest. Your heart pounded loudly in your eyes while you sunk further into the ground, sobbing loudly. What was wrong with you? Were you truly so unlovable that your soulmate hated you?

Mustering up your strength, you managed to pull yourself up from the floor, feeling embarrassed since your underwear had been torn to shreds by Stiles. You hurried yourself to Allison’s house, crying in her lap about everything that happened as she did her best to reassure you. Nothing worked. You went to bed, feeling worse by the second.

Too top everything off, you had killed someone. Someone you had known, and while he had taken a liking to shitting on Voids once he had gotten older, you couldn’t help but remember the sweet kid from grade school who had sat with you because you were new. And you had killed him, _and then proceeded to have sex?! What the fuck? _Those thoughts sunk you even lower. The tiny rational part of you that knew if you hadn’t of killed Adam, both you and Stiles would be dead, but you weren’t listening. Instead, you listened to the part of you that was convincing you that you were the worst person alive.

No wonder Stiles doesn’t want you. Who would want someone who just kills anyone then fucks someone else? You’re disgusting, pathetic. You don’t even deserve a soulmate.

Scott promised that he’d do everything he could to make Stiles talk to you, but every time he walked the long trail back from the Stilinski home, he never brought Stiles back with him. For five agonizing days, he actively avoided any sort of interaction with you while your thoughts spiraled deeper into self-loathing. He had to know that if you two continued to avoid each other like this what the consequences were; he couldn’t want that for you or him, could he…?

On day six you had decided that enough was enough. You had decided that you would invite him over, make him dinner, and you two would talk. You’d make it clear that you two could take it at whatever pace he felt comfortable with since he took extreme caution in who he’d let in his life. All you wanted was someone to spend the rest of your life with, and if that took some time, you were okay with that.

You gave yourself at least a thousand pep talks in the mirror, put on a cute blue sundress with sandals, and made your way up to his house.

Your heart thumped loudly in your chest, the nagging voice in your head begged you to turn right back around and crawl back under the covers, and your confidence was draining by the second. Nevertheless, you persisted, and before you knew it, you were standing in front of his door. Raising your hand, you attempted to knock on his door. However, something was blocking you from reaching the door. Confused, you tried again to knock, only to have your hand whipped backward, nearing removing your shoulder from its socket. You stood there for a second, dumbfounded, before the door finally swung up, revealing an extremely unhappy Stiles.

“What the fuck do you want?” he said, voice dripping with malice, making your stomach drop to the floor. His gaze pierced right through, jaw ticking in irritation.

Panicking, you said the first thing that came to your head, “Did you put a forcefield around your house to keep me out?” Stiles’ eyes hardened, his scowl deepening. Clearly, not the right thing to say as you mentally cursed yourself.

“You and Scott, who keeps pestering me like a goddamn dog. Now, I ask again, what do you fucking want?” he raised his voice at you, nearly shouting. You began to play with your fingers nervously. A dark voice in your head began to shout louder that you shouldn’t have bothered coming.

“I…I thought we needed to talk about this-“

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

You fumbled for a second, you could feel your breaths become shallower. This wasn’t how this conversation was supposed to go.

“Look, I don’t know why you don’t want to, but this is pretty important. We at least need to-“

“LOOK! There’s nothing to do, there’s nothing to say! I don’t want anything to do with you! You really thing I’m the type of guy to go around having a soulmate? No! I’m a Dark, and I’m Void! I don’t want a fucking soulmate, and I decided that a long time ago, so you need to get used to it. I don’t want to see you, talk to you, in fact, if I could, I would kick you out of my town! So do us all a favor, and get the fuck off of my property!” And with that, he slammed the door, once again leaving you alone.

The voice in your head laughed at you. Pathetic. You really thought that’d work. Are you two actually soulmates? Because if you were, you would’ve known that wouldn’t have worked. Obviously. Over and over those thought plagued you, and the tears flowed down your cheeks faster than you could process. Quickly placing a hand over your mouth, you tried your best to cover your sobs, not wanting to seem like you were begging for his attention. Well, you were, but you had a feeling things would only end up worse if you stayed here crying. He’d likely come out and just keep yelling at you.

Gathering up your shredded dignity, you turned around and began the lonely walk home.

*

Stiles thumped his head against the door, sliding down until he was sat against it. He banged his head three more times, each time harder than the last. Two sides of him were competing, the one wanting nothing more than to spend every ounce of his time with you, showering you with love and affection, showing you just how much he cared, how much he’s always cared. The other part was telling him how you’d want nothing to do with him, that you deserved far better than what he could offer, and he should just let you go and leave you to your life without him in it because that’s what’s best for you. Unfortunately, the latter part of him is winning.

Scott was up at his home every single day, telling him he should at least talk to you, and Stiles wanted nothing more than to do just that. Instead, he told Scott to fuck off every time, and eventually he put up that shield around his house, keeping everyone out. Stiles treated Scott the same way he treated you; he told him he wanted nothing to do with you or Scott, and that everyone should just leave him alone.

He told himself that this is for the best. He learned a long time ago that he couldn’t be loved. Not by anyone. Not even you…

He sat there against the wall, feeling worse by the second.

The next two days dragged from him. A part of him hoped that you would show up again, but you didn’t. He knew he had driven you away for good. He didn’t leave his house or bother to eat, none of it really feeling worth it. Stiles spent most of his time in bed, simultaneously sleeping way too much while having it feel like not enough.

On day three, he felt his forcefield shake, meaning someone had tried to at least knock on the door. He ran from his bedroom, hoping it was you. He couldn’t help but feel disappointed when it was Scott on the other side.

“What do you want,” Stiles muttered, not having any energy.

“Oh? No ‘Fuck you,’ for me today?” Scott’s tone was biting, and his face wasn’t friendly. Stiles looked at him with shock, he hadn’t spoken to him like that before. “Look, Stiles, I’ve tried to be nice about this whole ‘you avoid your fucking soulmate’ bit, but enough is enough. You need to at least talk to her! You’re soulmates for a fucking reason! You consider me your friend, right?”

“Yes, I-“

“Then quit shutting us out, shutting _me _out, and shutting y/n out because let’s not forget the fact that she saved your fucking life. Without her, you’d be dead, you understand? Even if she wasn’t your soulmate, you should at least, the very fucking least thank her!” Scott slammed his hand against the forcefield. “All any of us want is for you to be happy, and to get out of your deep mistrust of people because look around! This entire place is filled with Darks and people who don’t give a shit about your magical allegiance if you’re a good person. We’re not going to cast you away, Stiles, all we want is to help you,” Scott’s tone changed from anger to sympathy as he spoke.

The forcefield Stiles had been maintaining began to fade away, mostly out exhaustion on Stiles’ end to keep it up. Still, he couldn’t help but let his walls start to crack after all these years of keeping them up.

“Scott…I don’t deserve her. I’m not enough,” Stiles whispered, holding back his tears. Old habits die hard.

“You don’t know that,” Scott took a step forward and placed a hand on Stiles’ shoulder. “Just talk to her man.” Scott continued with his speech, but Stiles stopped listening, suddenly feeling and overwhelm urge that something was wrong.

“Scott…where does y/n live?” Stiles said so quietly that Scott almost missed it. Scott noticed instantly his tone wasn’t of resolve to see you, but of panic.

“Um, wha-“

“Where does she live?” Stiles said, louder and more urgently. He grabbed at Scott’s shoulders, panic in his eyes while Scott’s also widened in fear at how Stiles was acting.

“Um, three houses from Allison-“

“Is she there now?!”

“Uh-ye-yeah I think-“ Stiles didn’t bother hearing the rest of what Scott had to say as he shoved him aside and bolted down the path

Please don’t be too late, he thought. Please, don’t be too late!

*

You had decided that day that you’d end your life. You had read countless stories on how soulmates who had been separated or died before they got to know each other. The survivor usually killed themselves after they’ve aged another ten years. Usually, the were miserable the entire time with their powers draining to the point where some couldn’t even access their abilities anymore. You didn’t want to come to that fate. If it was inevitable, you’d get it out of the way, saving yourself from years of grief and giving Stiles the life he wanted.

You sat next to the bathtub, swirling the water around with your hand. Honestly, you weren’t sure why you had it on; you weren’t going to get in. Maybe to make it easier?

You looked at the silver dagger, a gift from one of your old friends who were driven out of your hometown for being a Dark, and decided it was now or never. Picking up the blade, you pressed the tip to the skin on your wrist, tears streaking down your cheeks. You didn’t want to die; you wanted a life with your soulmate, with Stiles. But he didn’t want you…God, you’ve never felt so unlovable in your entire fucking life.

Taking a deep breath, you let the blade slowly cut through your skin, seeing the crimson blood leak out slowly.

Then the door flew open, startling you and causing you to jump. You jerked your head in the direction of the open doorway with Stiles standing there. He was breathing heavily, his forehead covered in sweat. Seeing the knife in your hand, his eyes widened.

For a split second, neither of you moved, unsure what to do.

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” Stiles sprang into action, rushing toward grabbing. Forcefully, he ripped the knife out of your hand and flung it toward the wall where it stuck like a bullseye. Gently but with fever, he grabbed your shoulders and ran you over to the nearby sink, turning on the water and thrusting your wrist into the stream. He used his finger to wipe away at the blood.

“It’s not that bad…it’s not that bad…” he whispered, mostly to reassure himself. After cleaning out the cut as best he could, he ran around your bathroom, frantically opening drawers and cabinets until he found the first aid kit. He pulled out the disinfectant and began to work, cleaning the wound and bandaging it up as best he could. He took in a shaky breath once he realized that you were going to be okay.

Meanwhile, you had merely been staring at him, eyes wide while you watched him work to patch you up. This didn’t make sense. I thought he didn’t care…

You two stayed like that for a few minutes, you staring at him while he stared at your arm, his thumb smoothing over the bandage. Every so often he would dip down and press his lips to your wrist.

After what felt like an eternity, you heard Stiles mumble something, but you couldn’t decipher it.

“Hm?” you hummed softly, trying not to scare him away.

“Why…” he whispered, finally lifting his head to look at you properly, tears welling in his eyes.

You were confused. “What?”

Suddenly, he grabbed your shoulders roughly, forcing you to stand and walk backwards until your back was pressed against a wall. Tears fell openly across his face while he looked at you with a mixture of pain, panic, and…love?

“Why? Why would you do that? Why would you even think to…just please! Don’t do that please just tell me why?” Stiles was pressing you, his voice becoming shakier with each passing word.

“BECAUSE YOU DON’T CARE!” You shouted angrily. Stiles jumped back, his eyes wide with shock and fear. He still held you at an arm’s length away. You took a deep breath before continuing. “Look…if you want to spend the rest of your life alone without…without a soulmate, go right ahead. I won’t stop you. I want you to live the life you want. But I can’t follow that path. I won’t lie, this past week and a half has been absolutely miserable, and I won’t let myself spend the next years just withering away. I won’t, I can’t…I’m sorry” your voice faded away once you were finished speaking.

Stiles dipped his head low, not meeting your eye. His grip on your shoulders tightened while you two stayed there for another few moments of agonizing silence.

“I want everything for you,” Stiles spoke, voice wavering as his tears fell quicker than they were before. “I want you to have the life you deserve. A life that you want for yourself, a life filled with every opportunity that you could ever imagine. But…I’m a Dark…all my opportunities are gone, the world just won’t let me have even a chance. I can’t give that to you, I can’t give you want you deserve.”

“But what about what I want?” Stiles’ eyes snapped up to meet yours with a hopeful look in them. “What I want, more than anything, is you. My soulmate. I want you with me. I’ve been waiting my entire life to meet you and show you just how much I care about you. I don’t need anything else. And I promise you, Stiles, that no matter what hell you went through to get to where you are now, I promise I’m not going to run away. I’ll be right here, by your side. Like how we are meant to be. You’re the only one for me,”

Stiles head fell forward until your foreheads were pressed together. You could hear him take in shaky breaths as he tried to calm himself down.

“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry. I didn’t mean what I said, I just-I don’t-I’ve never had someone like you in my life before. I shouldn’t have ran away that day…I just got so scared that I would fuck things up, then I went ahead and fucked things up. I’m sorry…I’m sorry…”

He moved his head to the crook between your neck and shoulder, wrapping his arms tightly around you. He continued to mumble constant apologizes while you reassured him. You could feel his warm tears soak the front of your shirt as he breaths became less ragged until finally his breathing was slow and deep; your heartbeats in sync with each other. The depression fog you had felt after that day slowly began to lift with a sense of peace washing over the both of you.

Stiles was the first to pull back, taking one step away. You looked at each other, the sexual tension dropping in out of nowhere.

Seriously? You thought. You can’t wait? We’re having a moment! Of course you knew how it was with the first few days interacting with your soulmate. Biology stops for no one.

His hand slid down until you two were holding hands, giving you a small smile in the process. The other hand ran through his hair nervously.

“Um…th-that day, uh, after we-um-after we-“

“Had sex?” you offered. A deep blush settled onto his cheeks, his eyes widened at your bluntness.

“Uh, yeah, well…” Stiles trailed off, gripping your hand tighter.

“You don’t have to be afraid,” you said, gently placing your other hand on top of his. “I’m not gonna bolt out the door at a personal question. We’re soulmates, we should probably know each other pretty well, or at least know what our favorite color is,�� Stiles laughed at your comment, and while it wasn’t a long or loud laugh, you still felt accomplished.

“…yellow,” Stiles said with smile still split across his face. “It’s yellow.”

You smiled back at him, giggling at the irony. “So’s mine,” He grin brightened. “So…what did you want to ask me?”

Stiles pressed his lips into a thin line before clearing his throat, his eyes flicking up to meet yours. The sexual tension laid thick between you two, appear almost out of nowhere. “Were you a virgin before we had sex?” Sex wasn’t something he often talked about, so talking about it so openly, especially with you, still made him a little uncomfortable.

You squeezed his hand, silently congratulating him for that minor win. “I was. I had a boyfriend back in my hometown…Adam…”

Stiles eyes widened, his jaw falling to the floor. “You dated the guy that almost killed me?” He nearly shouted, tone harsh.

You scowled at him. “I killed him, Stiles, to save you. I…I didn’t even think twice…” Your face quickly changed from anger to…sadness? No, that wasn’t right. Stiles had seen that look on his face numerous times. Guilt.

He panicked slightly, unsure of what to do. He’s never really comforted someone before. Looking back now, it seems like everyone else was always taking care of him. With his panic rising, he blurted the first things he could think of.

“Thank you, y/n. Seriously. If you hadn’t of done that, I wouldn’t be standing here right now…with you,” you looked at him with a smile that didn’t reach your eyes. Fuck. He wasn’t good at this. “Um…I think it would also be good to talk to someone about it…”

“Not you?”

“Y/n I-“ love you. He’d almost said it but caught himself. He did, he had loved his soulmate from the second he found out he had one, but he had just gotten you after nearly losing you. He didn’t want to scare you away. “-care about you. So much. But…we’ve just met. Right now, we don’t know too much about each other, and believe me, I plan to spend every single moment I can getting to know you, but I am in no position to give you advice about this because I don’t know how to help you,” he squeezed your hand gently, moving the other to cup your face, his thumb wiping away the stray tear. “Awhile ago, Scott had dragged me out to see a therapist that’s around here. I only went twice, but honestly I wish I had kept going. She was really helpful, and she said things that I just wasn’t ready to hear, so I got angry and left. But she’s part of the reason I was able to venture out of the house once in a fucking blue moon…or go to dinner with Scott and his friends-“

“You know, they’re your friends too,” you whispered.

Stiles nodded, more to reiterate that point to himself. “I think you should see her. She’d be able to help you know a lot more than I could. But I’ll tell you this: Y/n, it wasn’t out of malice what you did. I promise. If you hadn’t of killed him…I would’ve died. And I think he would’ve killed you after finishing with me. No, scratch that. I don’t think. I know. Come here,” he pulled you forward until your cheek was pressed against his shoulder, his arms around you again, only this time it was him comforting you.

“You underestimate yourself, Stiles. I feel a little better thanks to you,” Stiles hummed, the vibrations hitting your cheek. “Would…would you come with me? It’s not too late to go back…”

He hesitated for a moment, then answered, “Yeah, I’ll go with you. I owe her an apologize. I owe a lot of people an apology…” you shushed him quietly, not letting him sink into his usual self-loathing. This time, you pulled back, smiling up at him. He returned the smile, making you realize just how little you’ve seen him smile, but loving it all the same.

Of course, the sexual tension from earlier had decided to hit you both like a goddamn truck. You’ve got to be fucking me, you thought. Despite what you knew, you tried to suppress your desires, not wanting to mess up this moment with him.

Unfortunately, Stiles had already felt it, and you saw his nervous ticks return. An awkward silence joined the room besides the heavy sexual tensions, clearly a perfect combination. This continued for a few painstakingly long minutes, neither of you sure of what to do.

Stiles cleared his throat, “Um…how-how come you never…did anything with him?” he asked tensely, trying not to break the delicate peace you two had achieved.

“Well…he wasn’t my soulmate,” you said slowly. “Once I had found out about them, I had felt guilty for taking that step with someone else. Even if I was drunk.” You shrugged. “But if you had sex with others, I’m not gonna freak out or anything, that’s just how I felt. I couldn’t do it even if I wanted to.”

Stiles looked down at his feet. He had felt the same way before, but once the world abandoned him, he thought he’d never meet his soulmate. He silently cursed himself, regretting every other sexual encounter that he had. “I’m guessing that wasn’t how you imagined your first time would be,” he said sadly.

You shook your head. “No, it wasn’t, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t like it,” A smile flickered across his face. His hands slid down your body before they were settling on your hips, pulling you close to him. Your eyes looked into his honey ones. He bit his lip, his stare full of lust, want, yet it was also pleading with you.

“Can-can I try again?” he whispered, nearly inaudible. But you heard him, and all you could manage to do was nod, unable to find the words.

Tentatively, he moved his hands until they were gently cupping your face before he pressed his lips to yours. It was different from before. It was soft, almost like he was afraid to break you. Your hands moved to wrap around his neck, bringing both of you closer together than before. You felt your hearts beat together, signifying how this was all meant to be.

Slowly, the kiss became more heated, his tongue darting out to meet yours. His hands roamed freely around your body, ghosting over your breasts to settle back on your hips, giving them a squeeze.

“Jump,” he breathed out between kisses. You happily complied, wrapping your legs around his torso once again, only instead of him pressing you up against the wall, he walked out of the bathroom and into your bedroom, placing you down gently onto the mattress as he hovered over you, smiling down at you before kissing you once again. He slid his hand up and down your thigh before lifting it up and slotting it against hip, rocking his hardened cock into your core while you rolled your hips up to meet his needy thrusts. Everything happening was slowly, but deliberately.

Leaning back, Stiles skimmed his hands down the hem of your shirt, tugging for a second before lifting it above your head and tossing it over his shoulder, not caring where it landed. Since you had forgone a bra, your chest was completely bare to him. He bit his lip, looking up at you, his once honey brown eyes were now almost jet black, blown wide with lust. He moved his hands to cup your breasts, squeezing them roughly, his lips brushing at your neck.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he muttered into your neck, causing you to moan out and arched your back toward him. “’M gonna take care of you, ‘M gonna take such good care of you baby I promise. I’ll fuck you so good…so good,” He continued to palm your tits before dipping down and sealing his lips around your nipple, swirling his tongue around the hardened peak. Frantically, you grabbed the back of his head, threading your fingers through his dark hair before grasping them roughly.

“Fuck, Stiles…” you moaned, closing your eyes tightly at the sensations he was giving you, his tongue moving expertly across your chest, leaving angry red marks in his wake. You relished in the feeling, never wanted it to end.

Reluctantly, he removed his mouth from your breast with a pop, reaching behind him to remove his shirt and toss it. He shifted down further, feather touching your body until he reached the waistband of your shorts. Looping his fingers, he dragged them down your legs slowly. Too slowly. After they were thrown off you, Stiles massaged his fingertips into your thighs, spreading your legs wider to expose your covered core to him. Leaning forward, he kissed the inside of your thighs, trailing around your panties and nibbling on your hipbones. His fingers slid up and down your covered core, feeling your wetness through the soaked panties.

“Stiles…please, please…” you begged. He looked back up at you, his movements stilling. He had a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“As you wish, anything for you my dove, anything,”

Not taking as much care as before, he threw your panties off you, groaning at the sight of your glistening folds. Adjusting himself so he was on his stomach, he circled his hands around your thighs, placing one final kiss on each one before he dived right in, licking a long stripe from your entrance to your clit. You cried out instantly at the contact, your hips leaving the bed to roll into his face. That barely lasted a second while his arm snaked around and pressed your hips back down.

He began to suck on your clit harshly, flicking various patterns across the bud. His other hand moved to probed at your entrance, circling one finger around before he was sinking it in knuckle deep. He swirled his finger around slowly, thrusting a couple times before adding a second finger into your warm wet core. He glanced up to look at you, only to find your head thrown back in ecstasy, soft moans exhaling through your lips.

He tipped your head forward. “Open your eyes dove, I wanna see you fall apart please,” Stiles’ voice was low and sultry.

You pried your eyes open, but they so heavy, every limb in your body felt boneless. “Stiles…I-I don’t know how long-“

“Keep them open as long as you can baby, I know you can do it,” Stiles’ mouth was back on your clit, slick sounds filled the room as he pumped his fingers at a speed that was nearly incomprehensible, but his eyes were on yours, pupils dilating even more at the state you were in.  Your moans grew louder, his name spilling from your lips over and over again. The coil in your stomach tightened further while you clenched desperately around his fingers, drawing him in further and further.

“Stiles, I-I’m close!” you panted out.

“S’okay, baby, let go I’ve got you, I’ve got you baby,” And with a particular thrust of his fingers and another harsh suck on your clit, you came undone. Closing your eyes tightly and throwing your head back, you orgasm crushed over you, shaking your entire body as you grabbed the sheets of the bed. His tongue continued to work against you, lapping up all your juices from you. You jerked and spasmed in his grip, toes curling at the over-stimulation until he pulled away, smiling cockily at you and wiping his chin with the back of his hand.

Stiles hovered over you once again, bracing himself on one forearm while the gripped your right hip. He peppered kisses on your forehead, cheeks, and across your face. Meanwhile, you were sucking in deep breaths trying to calm your racing heart. He smiled down at you, kissing the tip of your nose and giving you time to recover from your intense orgasm.

“You okay? Was that alright, not too rough?” he whispered, his tone sweet and laced with adoration. You nodded, still breathless.

“It was perfect,” you whimpered.

He smiled against your skin, moving his kisses from your face to your jaw, trailing down to your neck. “Good,” he said. “I wanted it to be perfect. I want _everything _to be perfect for you. I want absolutely everything for you, my dove,” he continued to kiss your neck softly, not pressing any further to let you recover. “Do you want to take a break? We do have to keep going,” your heart melting at his words, a smile tugging at your lips.

“It’s okay, I want to keep going,” you said confidently.

“Good,” he smiled genuinely at you, placing a chaste but sweet kiss to your lips. You sighed into the kiss, disappointed when it ended all too soon.

Stiles moved to stand, undoing the belt on his jeans quickly. Popping the button, he dragged his jeans down with his boxer. Your eyes widened, staring directly at his cock. It was large, bigger than what you remembered, although your last experience had been a lust-filled blur you can’t really remember it. Honestly, it felt rude to stare, but you couldn’t help it. The head was leaking with precum, and instinctively you bit your lip.

After a moment, you flicked your eyes up to see Stiles’ gaze already on yours, a cocky smirk stamped on his face. “Whatcha doing?” he said teasingly. You blushed, now doing everything in your power to avoid looking at his dick.

“Um…is-is it gonna fit?” Stiles laughed loudly at that.

“Baby, it fit before!”

“Well, I wasn’t really pay attention before!” Now you were laughing, breaking the awkward tension that had started to form. You sat forward, reaching your hand out to stroke him before he stopped you.

“Tonight, my dove, is all about you,” he said, pushing you gently back to lie among the covers again.

He crawled up toward to, spreading your legs wide and slotting his hips against yours, running his cock up and down your folds, which were still completely soaked from your previous orgasm. Stiles tipped your head forward again, the playful look from before was gone and replaced with a serious one. His eyes, however, expressed such love for one, that maybe one day he hoped to be able to find the courage to explain how intense his feelings are. Instead, he pressed a quick kiss to your lips.

“Are you sure?” he checked one last time. You smiled at him, nodding your head.

Placing another kiss, he lined himself up at your entrance and slowly began to push himself in. You gasped, still not used to having someone inside you. He took his time, moving his cock in inch by inch until he was seated in you completely, his hips pressed up against your own. He bit his lip, trying not to cum just by being inside your warm, wet, and tight pussy.

Your hands grabbed at his shoulders. “Move, Stiles, please! Please!” you begged.

“I’ve got you, dove,” Slowly, he moved his hips back, pulling out nearly all the way before sliding back. He started slow, but each thrust into you was precise, hitting all the right places inside you. The pleasure was building in your stomach as he got deeper and deeper inside you. He was taking his time fucking you, not wanting to rush anything.

Your legs wrapped around him, locking together at your ankles so he was able to sink even deeper into you. His hot breath was against your neck, moaning out your name.

“Oh fuck, you’re so tight baby,” he said, thrusting in between each punctuation. “You feel so good, so fucking good, oh my god. Fuck! You’re so warm, s’good. You were made for me, dove, made for me in every possible way,” With each thrust, he picked up his speed while your fingernails dug crescent shaped moons into his skin, your mind becoming foggy with only his name running through your mind. You felt every throb of him each time he pounded into you while his whispered filthy things in your ear, spurring you on even further as you got closer and closer to the edge for the second time.

“Want more baby? Need more from me?” you let out a moan, unable to find words. He chuckled at your fucked-out state. Stilling for just a moment (you let out an uncomfortable whine), he shifted your leg to settle over his shoulder. He picked a grueling pace, thrusting into you again. By now, your moans were loud, you were pratically screaming out his name as he fucked you into oblivion. Somehow, Stiles kept up this punishing pace, chasing his own climax.

Eventually, his thrusts grew sloppy and needy, his orgasm nearing closer and closer.

“Stiles-“ was all of a warning you could muster that you were close too. He looked at you and pressed two of his fingers against your lips, slipping through into your mouth. You sucked on them languidly, Stiles’ eyes slipping shut as he groaned.

Pulling them out with a pop, he slid his hand back down, pressing hard against against your overly abused clit. One quick circle around the bud was all it took for you to come crashing over the edge, cumming harshly as your orgasm took over your entire body, flooding all of your senses like fire rushing up through your veins. Every single part of you shook, waves of pleasure flooding over you while Stiles fucked you through your orgasm until he came himself with a shout of your name on his lips, his cum coating your walls. That was the last thing you remembered before blacking out completely.

When you came too, you had another pair of panties on along with his shirt, and you were tucking under the covers. You pried your eyes open, only to find that Stiles was nowhere to be found. You panicked, thought that he had left you again. You stood, maneuvering on shaky legs toward the bedroom door. Leaning against the wall, you opened the door as best you could.

“Stiles,” you called. No response. Dread pooled in your stomach as your anxiety heightened even further. Did he leave again? “STILES?” you shouted.

“Baby?” he said, sounding far away. You let out a breath, relieved. You heard him climb the stairs, taking two at a time. Stiles peered around the corner, shirtless with only his boxer briefs on and a glass of water in his hand. He rushed up to you, placing a quick peck on your forehead before running into the bedroom to place the glass of water on the nightstand. Walking back to you, he scooped you up and carried you bridal style back onto the bed. “What’s wrong? Why did you get up?” he asked, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“I-I got worried…it seems a little silly now,” you said, not meeting his eyes.

Stiles chuckled, then nodded over to the floor, “My pants and shoes are still here dove, I highly doubt I’ll be going anywhere without those,” he said, his tone playful. You looked to the floor, a giggle on your lips as you laughed at your obliviousness. “And besides,” he said, leaning and pressing a sweet kiss to your lips, “I’m not going anywhere.” Stiles shuffled you around until you were laying a cheek on his chest, his heartbeat thumping steadily against your ear while your legs tangled together.

“Thank you,” you whispered.

“Go to sleep, my dove.”

*

You two spent the next week in bed, pretty much just fucking the entire time. Sometimes it was slow and loving, him thrusting into you slow and deep, dragging out your experience together. Other times it was rough, him tugging on your hand as he pounded into you with godlike speed. You’d ride on his cock, tits bouncing for him while he left fingerprint bruises into your skin, he’d have you on your knees choking on his cock, or he’d pound you from behind, pulling your back against his chest while he muttered what a good girl you were for taking him so well.

In between the sex, you two would talk about everything and nothing all at once. You found that he still had a little trouble opening up to you, which you knew would take some time. However, you would be here with open arms whenever he felt ready. Nevertheless, you still saw parts of him that you never expected: he was shy, sweet, but at the same time he was really funny. Even a little charismatic at times. You could also see just how much he cared about other people. It was buried, yes, but there.

In return, he learned so much about you. You told plenty of childhood stories, from when you broke your leg by falling down two steps of stairs (“Hey! I was frail five-year-old!”) to the time on Halloween when you dressed as a werewolf and instead of saying “trick or treat!” at the door, you howled.

Things weren’t always so easy, once your little sexapade ended. A lifetime trauma of neglect wasn’t going to disappear overnight, and neither was the looming guilt that you killed someone. Early on, it had been frustrating when Stiles got into his moods or had a bad day. He’d reverted into his cold exterior shell that wouldn’t open for anyone, not even you. All you wanted to do was help and he wouldn’t let you. Some of the bad days, he wouldn’t let you out of his sight. Other times, he’d get angry at your mere presence. He’d shut you out and you’d angry, only for him to come around and apologize. You had decided that this wasn’t exactly healthy and came up with a solution that seemed to work for him. He’d tell you if he was having a bad day, and you’d ask if he want to talk about, wanted you to distract him from it by talking, wanted you to just hold him, or wanted to be left alone. You thanked your therapist for the idea, and it worked wonders.

Even for you, when you had your first bad day, Stiles was in a particularly good mood, and you didn’t want to spoil it for him with your own troubles. But he was smart and caught on pretty quick that something was wrong. You had immediately started sobbing, thinking you had ruined everything when he used your own tricks against you.

The only caveat was when you both had a bad day, but overtime, your guys’ bad days became less and less frequent. You had made it a point for Stiles to go outside at least once a day, either with you or Scott, and to join all of your friends for dinner whenever they got together. Of course, he’d been reluctant to go, but eventually he did more than just sit there with a brooding look on his face. He made small comments every now and then, even allowing himself to chuckle at a joke or two. It was small progress, but progress, nonetheless.

It had been three years since you and Stiles had found each other, and for the first time in a long time you were nervous, pacing back and forth around the living room of Stiles’ home. You had asked Scott for help in distracting Stiles while you got everything ready. Slowly, your negative thoughts overcame you. Maybe this was a bad idea… you thought. Maybe it’s not too late to fix it! Unfortunately, just as your resolve to do this had dwindle, you heard the doorknob turn. You gasped, turning to see Stiles walk through the door, a small smile on his lips as his eyes met yours.

“Hey Stiles,” you said, forcing a smile as best you could.

“Hey, my dove,” he responded, taking quick steps over to turn. Placing his large hands on your waist, he pulled you closer, leaning down to kiss you, which you happily returned, thinking that you had fooled him. Obviously, you had been wrong.

“Bad day?” he muttered into your lips. “What do you need from me baby?”

“Um, uh, not a bad day,” you stuttered.

“Nervous? You haven’t been nervous in awhile baby,” he squeezed at your waist reassuringly.

“Well, um, I-“

“Flustered now too? Are you sure everything’s okay?” Stiles peered down at you, worry swimming in his eyes.

You couldn’t handle that look in his eyes much longer, “I sold my house!” you blurted out.

Stiles’ eyebrows shot up to his hairline as his jaw fell open. He took a few steps back, scratching as the back of his neck nervously. “Um…come again?” he asked.

You sighed, willing yourself to focus your gaze on him. “I, uh, sold my house. There was this really nice family that was moving in, and their budget was super limited and I felt really, really bad honestly it was just so spur of the moment and-“

“Y/n, where are you going to live?” he asked, running a hand through his hair.

“Um, I was kinda hoping I could move in with you?” you said slowly. Stiles mouth formed an ‘o’ shape as he finally understood. “Look, I’m already here nearly every single night with you, and we’re actually running out of homes here because it’s no longer just single people coming it’s whole families! And I really don’t need the space especially since all my time is with you, which I absolutely love by the way, and they were pretty desperate to find a home so next thing I knew I was offering up my house, and your really should’ve seen their faces, and-“ he cut you off, grabbing your face roughly and pressing his lips against yours, slipping his tongue inside with ease.

Pulling away, he smiled at you. “I would love for you to move in with me,” Stiles said with a goofy grin on his face.

You squealed, jumping into his arms while he spun you around, both of your laughter filling the air.

“So, should we go and get your stuff?” Stiles asked after setting you down.

A blush crept onto your cheeks as you smiled nervously. “About that,” you drawled out. “I, uh, may or may not of had Scott distract you so I could move in all of my things,”

Stiles furrowed his eyebrows, jerking his head to look around the room. “Um? It literally looks the same baby,”

“Well, there wasn’t much to move, considering I had practically all of my belongings here for almost half a year now,” you said, with a sudden realization. “But there was something I had to move over, wait here!” you ran over, placing a quick peck on his cheek before into your now shared bedroom, opening a box and filing through all the different pieces to find the letters that you had written to your soulmate before you knew it was Stiles. Gathering up the small bundle, you excitedly rushed out to a waiting Stiles. “Um, when I first heard I had a soulmate, at six, I had wanted to write you a whole bunch of letters, but my parents restricted me to one a year, so,” you chuckled nervously seeing Stiles’ eyes widened, a small smile tugging at his lips.

“Wait here,” he said quickly before running out of the room. You sat down on the couch, a little confused. When he returned, your jaw dropped to the floor with the enormous pile of letters, nearly overflowing and falling out of his arms because there were so many. “Um, my parents didn’t restrict me, but looking at it now, maybe they should have,”

“Holy fuck Stiles!” you laughed. “How many are there?”

“I think I lost count after around sixty-four...?”

“SIXTY-FOUR?” By now, you couldn’t stop laughing at the absurdity of it, but at the same time your heart melting at the fact that he cared so much for you then, even if you didn’t know him.

Stiles smiled fondly at you. “You should read some of them, I probably should’ve kept them in order…”

You chuckled, plucking a random one from the pile and tearing it open. This one was from when he was nine, telling you about some of the new friends he made in fourth grade, how he loves science and hates English, and how he finally has all of his grown-up teeth in. He also complimented you, saying that no matter what you looked like, you were already the prettiest girl in the world. You smiled at how adorable he was, only for it to turn into a sad one as you wondered what happened.

The next letter was a cringey one from when he was 13 and writing some God-awful poetry (“Hey, Romeo and Juliet really hit it home for me!” he had told you.) You cringed the whole time reading it but smiled at his efforts.

The last letter you grabbed was from when he was 15. His birthday was a few months away, and Stiles was spending his time wondering what his magical allegiance would be. He seen some of his older friends with powers, and they looked cool as fuck! He also mentioned how he now despises science thanks to a teacher named Mr. Harris, and his girlfriend had recently broken up with him. He said how sorry he was for dating her, thinking maybe she was you, but now he knew it wasn’t, and he was going to try his best to be patient waiting for, but he was just so excited to meet you so he could spend the rest of his loving you. He signed it “Love, Stiles” that’s how he signed every letter.

“You had a girlfriend?” you asked, a hint of teasing in your voice.

“Yeah, uh, she broke up with me when she tried to kiss me, but I couldn’t kiss her back.”

“Why not?”

“Because she wasn’t my soulmate; she wasn’t YOU. I wanted my first kiss to be with them, and she had gotten really angry and broke up with me on the spot,” his smile faltered as he talked. “I really wish I had kept that mindset…” he trailed off, not meeting your eye.

“You know, I’m not angry at you for that,” you said sympathetically.

“I-I know, I know!” he said quickly. “It’s just, I wish it could’ve been as special as yours was,” Stiles reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out another letter. “This is the final one I wrote to you. I had just turned sixteen,” he whispered.

His hand was shaky slightly as he held it out for you. You knew that he was opening up to you like never before.

Slowly, you opened the letter. It was shorter than the other ones you read.

Dear Soulmate,

I’m fucked. Forever fucked. Oh God why did this have to happen to me? What the fuck did I do wrong?

I thought I could be different, but I was wrong. Even my parents are still afraid of me, afraid of what I can supposedly do. I won’t use my powers. I won’t, even if it does slowly kill me.

They all hate me now will you hate me too?

Please don’t hate me

I love you.

Tears welled in your eyes. You looked up at Stiles, only to see him avoiding your gaze, much more interested in the floor.

“Stiles,” you said quietly. He looked up at you, his shoulders slumped low. “You don’t have to say anything.”

“I want to,” he said, his eyes fixed onto you. “I want to…”

He shuffled for a second, scratching at his face and running a hand through his hair. He leaned heavily against the wall, his head low again. “It was instant,” he started. “The change. One minute I had loads of friends, and the next they all despised me, throwing insult after insult. Some just pretended I didn’t exist. Quite honestly, I don’t know which hurt more, but either way, they all abandoned me when I needed them the most,” Stiles took in another shaky breath before continuing. “Everything changed. I got detention once for breaking a pencil and going up to sharpen it. I became what everyone thought I would be not because its who I am, but because they made me feel I had no other choice. I started getting death threats everyday that they just became normal. I tried reporting them, but everyone just assumed I was lying because I’m a Void right? It’s in my goddamn nature!” His voice had risen considerably, feeling something shift inside of him now that he was letting this part of his past go.

“My parents were the only ones that still loved me, and they burned down my fucking house because of it. They killed the only people who were willing to give me a chance, who were willing to love me despite everything that had happened to me, and I just got so angry that day. So fucking angry. I decided to throw everyone out of this town. I didn’t want to kill them, I just wanted to be left alone. I didn’t mean to start this whole safe haven bit, but once people heard, Darks just came here so they could finally live under the sun, because they knew exactly what I had been through.

“Now the whole world has changed. Some safe havens didn’t even need to fight! Their governor or whoever the fuck just said ‘Hey this place is open for Darks! Don’t like it? Fuck off, then,’ and people just accepted it. They’re all over the entire world now! All because I just wanted the people who used to love me to go away, I didn’t intend any of this…and sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if you had known me back then…would you still love me?”

“Stiles, of course I would still love you!” you exclaimed, the tears streaking down your face. “You’re parents loved you-“

“They had to. I was their only son…”

“And I was my parents’ only daughter, and they didn’t think twice before throwing me out into the streets,” you said, eyebrows furrowing. “They throw me out without even a second glance. That’s how a lot of Darks ended up in the dark corners of the world; their parents threw them out. But not yours, Stiles, because they truly loved you,” you stood, walking slowly over to stand in front of Stiles. His cheeks were shiny with tears, but his eyebrows weren’t furrowed, and the tension in his face was gone. You reached up to cup his face in your hands. “I know you didn’t intend it, but you changed the world for the better. And…I’ve learned that the people who truly love you won’t care about something you have no control over. They love you for you, just like I love you, Stiles”

His arms snaked around your waist, settling on your lower back while he pressed his forehead to yours. “I love you. So much. I’ve loved you since the second I’ve heard about even having a soulmate. I loved you that first day I saw you eating ice cream with our friends. I’ve loved you my whole life…you’re part of the reason I didn’t succumb to my isolation. I thought about getting rid of those letters, but every time I tried, I couldn’t do you because I love you, and deep down, I knew that you loved me too.”

“I do love you, Stiles,”

“I know, if there’s one thing I’m absolutely sure about, its that you love me, and I love you,”

*

“Congratulations on the engagement!” Stiles said, patting his friend on the back.

“Thanks man,” Scott said, smiling his big goofy grin. “I’m so excited to finally marry her, when are you gonna pop the question for y/n?”

Stiles smiled with a twinkle in his eye. “Oh, I have a plan,” he said rather nonchalantly.

“Will I be informed of this plan?”

“No,”

“Bro! Come on, I’m your best friend,” Scott made it a point to bring that up nearly everyday since Stiles told him that.

“I know, BUT you’ll tell Allison, who will then tell y/n, making it not be a surprise anymore, and I want it to be a surprise,”

“Fair enough,”

They continued on for a moment in silence. Not the awkward silence from years before when Scott had to drag him out of the house, but a comfortable one. One between good friends.

“Hey,” Scott said, stopping in his tracks for a moment. Stiles looked at him concerned. “I just wanted to say how proud of you I am. You’ve really come a long way,”

“So has the world. How many safe havens did you say there are now?”

“I think it’s around 250?”

Stiles whistled lowly at that. “Oh, um, thank you,” he said, with more awkwardness then he had intended.

“Of course,” Scott said sincerely, saving the moment.

“Um, actually, if you don’t mind, I could use a favor,”

“Anything,”

*

It was a lazy day for you. Stiles had woken you after a night of mind-blowing sex to tell you that he was leaving for a bit to hang with Scott. You didn’t mind. After all, you were pretty sore. You could use the extra rest.

Unfortunately, you had slept another five hours, sleeping through Stiles entire visit with Scott. You would’ve kept sleeping too, had Stiles not woken you up.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” he said sweetly, gently shaking your shoulder.

“Mmm,” you whined. “More sleep,”

“Baby, its almost one in the afternoon!” he laughed incredulously at you.

You sighed, peaking one eye open to look at him. “So?”

“So,” he drawled. “I have a surprise for.”

You shot up at his words. “For me? It’s not my birthday or our anniversary…”

“Come on now, I can’t surprise my lovely girlfriend just this once?” he said, tone a little smug but you didn’t mind.

“What is it?”

He smiled, holding out an envelope for you, and for the first time in a long time, he wasn’t nervous about it. Giving him a playful but confused look, you took the envelope and peered inside.

“Plane tickets?” you looked up at him, a smile spreading slowly. “Where are we going?”

“Everywhere. Anywhere. I’ve always wanted to travel the world, and when I found out I was a Void, I didn’t think it was possible, but with the way the world is now, I don’t see why not. I picked out our first destination, but after that, its up to you,” Stiles took your hand in his, squeezing gently. “I was also thinking that, even though I never meant to, I started this massive shift in the world. I want to do more good, and I to abolish the safe havens so that we don’t need sacred places to live. We could live wherever we want to live because we’re no different. I’m hoping with you by my side, you could help me with that.” He smiled at you hopefully, and it took you no time to think of your answer.

“Yes, yes of course!” you exclaimed, pulling him down to kiss him passionately.

“Alright, we’re leaving today. Quick! Get dressed! Start packing we’ve got a lot to do baby!” He kissed quickly again before running off, babbling on for what you and him needed to do.

In no time at all, you two found yourselves at the front gate, a bag in one hand while the other held tightly onto him.

He smiled brightly, a light in his eyes twinkling. “We could change the world, my dove,”

“Together?”

Stiles smiled down at you. “Always.”

And with that, the front gates opened for you. Hand in hand, you two walked out, ready to change the world.

Tags:

@beaubinxie​ @writingsbychlo​ @weirdowithnobeardo​ @0castergirl0​

#stiles stilinski imagine #stiles #stiles stilinski #void stiles #void stiles smut #teen wolf #void #void x reader #void stiles x reader #stiles x reader #stiles stilinski x reader #nogistune #void stiles x reader smut

[cinnaminsvga]

Hug-o-gram Preview | Yoongi

→ summary:

“This is probably the dumbest idea you’ve ever had,” Yoongi hisses, but it’s kind of hard for Seokjin to take him seriously when he’s wearing a cardboard sign around his neck that says ‘Huggie Wuggie Machine!’ in bubble font. 

“Like, even worse than when we DIY’d your car into a convertible by sawing the top off?” Seokjin asks, genuinely curious. 

“Worse,” Yoongi admits, trying his best to stay out of your line of sight. His cheeks redden, matching the gaudy pink kitten ears he was forced into wearing.

{or alternatively: Seokjin is a terrible wingman. He also runs a profitable business by sending “hugs” to people’s crushes for a fee. Mix them together and you have a recipe for Min Yoongi’s worst nightmare.}

→ genre: college!au, hugging booth!au, fluff, humor → warnings: yoongi is so smitten that he’s a walking disaster, so much shy!yoongi to the point where you’ll want to *o*e him, seokjin just tryna get his homie some y/n love coochie bro ;o; → words: anticipated 10-12K  → a/n: who the fuck am i... why am i writing so much??? let’s all thank miss kwaranteen for that, my friends. but what’s with the fluff, you ask? thank miss @jincherie​ for that because her weak heart can’t handle angst so i have to use my limited fluff muscles to write this for her... anyway idk when this is coming out but its probs soon,, enjoy this lil snippet i guess LMAO 

“Yoongi, it’s time for me to head to work. You want to come with me today?” Seokjin asks, though he knows what answer he’s going to get. You see, Seokjin’s new booming business is another one of his fantastic ideas, but it is a little... inventive. Sure, Yoongi had scoffed when he had originally suggested the idea, but Seokjin knew that it was going to be a money-maker. Sure, it had taken a few years for the business to really take off, but once it finally did…

Enter Kim Seokjin’s Hug-o-gram Service! Students from his university are able to send anonymous payments directly to him, with little notes attached for their crushes. Each love letter delivery comes with a hug from Seokjin himself, delivered straight to the person without them ever knowing who the hug came from. It was ingenious! It was lucrative! But most of all…

It allowed Seokjin to cause drama and have an excuse for it! Nothing could have been more perfect for a man like him.

“No thanks,” Yoongi snorts, rolling over to face him. He watches from the floor as Seokjin changes into a butter-less shirt, which also happens to have his own face printed on the front and back. His trusty cardboard sign that reads “I’m Gonna Glomp Ya!” also joins his attire for the afternoon, a long piece of string tied to its edges so that he can wear it around his neck. Throwing on a pair of white sneakers with the tags still attached, Seokjin is ready to tackle today’s list of would-be hug-ees.

“How do I look?” Seokjin asks, combing his hair with his fingers. It leaves an oily sheen, which he somehow makes it work.

“Ugly,” Yoongi says, like a liar.

“It’s okay, I understand. I can speak tsundere, so you don’t need to explain,” Seokjin snickers, nearly getting hit with a TV remote by Yoongi. He opens his phone again, swiping to his e-mail to see his list of hug deliveries for the day.

Seokjin gets around 10 requests a day, with around half of them coming from regular clients. He’s especially fond of this boy who has been sending hugs to his TA named Namjoon for almost a month now. He has no idea why this kid has so much disposable income, though seeing the blush on Namjoon’s face everyday makes Seokjin think that he would spend every last penny for him too. Namjoon had begged Seokjin for his secret admirer’s identity, but snitchin’ isn’t a part of his service, unfortunately.

As much as Seokjin wants to know who is crushing on who, his little business wouldn’t work as well as it did if anonymity wasn’t included in his package deal. It allows people to thirst in public without facing the repercussions, like getting a knee to the groin or a slap to the face. Not that Seokjin has ever been at the receiving end of that; everyone loves him! Like, have you seen him? He must have saved a civilization in the past with how devastatingly beautiful his forehead is.

“Why am I suddenly filled with the relentless urge to deck you right now?” Yoongi says, getting up to change into clean clothes as well. His black t-shirt unfortunately does not have Seokjin’s face on it, but that can quickly be amended if the elder of the two decides to follow his every intrusive whim.

Seokjin laughs, completely unaware of the murderous capabilities of his friend. Due to his smaller body size, his percentage of evil is unusually concentrated. “Maybe it’s because you know that I’m into pain pla–” but Seokjin’s retort suddenly grinds to a halt. He chokes mid-sentence, coughing wildly as he pounds his chest with a balled-up fist. When Yoongi looks up at him, he finds his hyung staring slack-jawed at his phone, seemingly flabbergasted by what he finds on his screen.

“What’s the matter? Accidentally sent a dick pic to your prof again?” Yoongi snorts.

“That was one time! And no, it’s…” Seokjin trails off, uncharacteristically hesitant. He shifts his gaze from his phone to Yoongi, a drop of sweat quickly forming on the back of his neck. Yoongi raises a brow, silently urging him to continue.

Instead of replying, Seokjin hands him his phone. Yoongi finds a copy of one of Seokjin’s newest hug requests, only having just received it five minutes ago. As he scrolls down, he finds that this secret admirer is a new client, but that isn’t what made Seokjin stop in his tracks. Instead, it’s the recipient of the hug that catches his attention–

“Y/N has a secret admirer?” Yoongi says, voice cracking at the end. He clears his throat, trying his best to school his face into something less… jealous. He swivels away from Seokjin, forcing himself to breathe slowly through his nose. He convinces himself that he is the very epitome of calmness.

“You okay there, Yoongi? You look like you’re about to vomit,” Seokjin says, immediately breaking his inner peace. Yoongi groans loudly, shucking the phone over his shoulder, uncaring of where it lands. Seokjin, with his superhuman and God-given reflexes… doesn’t catch it. But he did dive to the floor like a seasoned Olympian, and his ass cushioned his phone so he supposes that’s a win.

Back to the matter at hand––

“I am fine,” Yoongi says, as he continues to not be fine.

From the floor, Seokjin shoots him a disbelieving look. He lies down more comfortably, propping his head on his elbow. Screw his hug-o-gram appointments for now; nothing brings him more joy than seeing Yoongi absolutely losing it. “Really? So you wouldn’t mind if I marched up to Y/N right now and give her the warmest, coziest, most tender hug of her fucking life?”

“Y… Yes,” Yoongi squeaks, neck glowing a furious red. He has his fists clenched (adorably) by his sides, head bowed as he faces the wall of their apartment. Seokjin’s brain makes the unhelpful comparison of Yoongi with that cat meme who says “no talk me angy” in Impact font.

Seokjin grins, his wickedness from within coiling and yearning to burst from his seams. This is it! Maybe if he pushes a little more, then maybe Yoongi will stop pining like a pathetic loser! Also, it didn’t hurt that he got to push Yoongi’s buttons while he’s at it, but hey! Not all heroes go to heaven or whatever.

He grabs his phone from his ass, scrolling back to the e-mail. “So… You wouldn’t mind if I walk up to Y/N right now and tell her ‘Hey! I’ve had an embarrassingly long crush on you and when I heard about this hugging service… I couldn’t miss the chance to shoot my shot! If you’re single and ready to #mingle, then please meet me at the Corner Cafe at 2 PM tomorrow.’” Seokjin sing-songs, snickering loudly when he sees the absolute pain etched onto Yoongi’s face.

There is a pause, and Seokjin waits as Yoongi uses his tiny kitty brain to think of what to do. He can only imagine what’s going inside his head, but he has a guess. Yoongi could either: 1) finally admit his feelings for you and come clean before Seokjin has to deliver your hug, or 2) do something stupid and counterproductive.

It comes as no surprise when Yoongi goes with option number––

#btsghostie #my wips #bts scenarios #bts fanfiction #bts imagines #bts reader insert #yoongi scenarios #yoongi fanfiction #yoongi imagines #IM SO SICK @ MYSELF THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUCKING SOFT #ITS LIKE I HAVE SPLIT PERSONALITY DISORDER #FLUFF THIS! SMUT THAT! WHERE IS MY ANGST #[dialtone noises] the number u have dialed is no longer in service... zee machine broke

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #420

lol blaze it (i’m funny i swear)

In your opinion, which fast food place has the best fries? Without a doubt, Bojangle's. Good. Shit. Are there hurricanes where you live? Yeah, they're common here. What do you hate the most about yourself? I'd really rather not get into this right about now. What song are you listening to right now? "Beast of Gévaudan" by Powerwolf. What was your first concert? Alice Cooper. Also my only concert. What’s your favorite Johnny Depp movie? Alice In Wonderland. Who did you last say “I love you” to? My sister. Do you like pumpkin pie? Anything pumpkin-flavored is a hell no from me. Do you know anyone named Austin? Knew, rather. Do you know anyone who is having a baby? My friend recently announced she and her husband are having their second child in December. What was the last thing you cried about? Just PTSD. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? I like both, but I prefer chocolate. Do you think you are an argumentative person? Definitely not. How many deep dark secrets do you have? Two or so, idk. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Some wings at Buffalo Wild Wings with one of the hottest sauces. Wanted to die. ... Yet I continued to get that one whenever I went for years lmao. Who last called you sexy? I don't know. Would you class yourself as a good role model? In some ways, but in a lot of other ways, no. Are you scared of the dark? No. Do you have a motto? No. Who did you last see on webcam? The doctor that overlooks my TMS progress. Do you need a haircut? I need a trim for sure. How would you react if your mother told you that she was pregnant again? Well, considering 1.) she's way past menopause and especially 2.) she's had a complete hysterectomy, y'know... that's kind of impossible. She also hasn't been with a guy in many years, so she would have to be joking. You log into Facebook and see the red ‘1’ notification next to the message icon. Who do you want it to be? -___- Would you rather exercise alone or with other people? ALONE. You will NOT see me exercise in front of other people. What is the most difficult or involved video game you’ve ever played? The most involved is DEFINITELY World of Warcraft, and I guess you could consider it the hardest too, given some of the much more difficult things I've done in it. It itself isn't a hard game whatsoever, but you can pursue some really hard achievements. Ever watch the show Supernatural? If you have, then what’s your favorite episode? I used to love it, but just stopped watching eventually. My fave episode... Man, it's been too long to remember many. Probably one of the funnier ones. I remember I specifically liked the bit where they were in your everyday comedy show, as well as the one where I THINK Dean kept trying to prevent Sam from dying. I just remember the "Eye of the Tiger" bit that is pure gold. Ever heard of flavored honey? If so, what’s you’re favorite flavor? Oh, no, but that sounds good. Do you remember what your favorite show was when you were little? Yeah, Pokemon. Do you put anything besides cheese on grilled cheese sandwiches? Besides butter, which I think is pretty standard, no. When it comes to books, what do you think is the “perfect” amount of pages? Uh, I dunno. It depends on the book. I don't really care about page numbers. Would you ever be interested in going scuba diving? Yeah. Out of all of your friends/relatives, who would you say has the best vocabulary? Girt, probably. Are any of your fingers or toes deformed? What about the nails? I don't think so? When is the last time you cried? I was sobbing earlier today, fun stuff. Would you ever date somebody that has been divorced more than once? Most likely not. ESPECIALLY at my age. What are some stereotypically nerdy things that you like? Oh god. WoW, M:tG, big glasses, anime (does that count? idk really), video games... a lot of stuff, really. Have you ever attended a wedding that ended where the bride and groom didn’t actually get married? What happened? Y I K E S, no. That would be SO uncomf. What scares you the most about becoming a mother (hypothetically, if you don’t want to have children)? Actually raising it properly, physically and emotionally. Would you ever want a job in fashion? What would you enjoy about that type of job? No. Would you ever be a surrogate mother? No. What do you think would be the best and worst parts about being a twin? It'd be cool to have someone you feel an almost supernatural connection towards, but I'd also feel like I wasn't as "original" as I would be if I was born alone. Do you feel that your childhood was more rough compared to others around you? I mean it wasn't awful at all, but sure, in some ways compared to at least someone. How would you react if you found out today that you were actually adopted? Well today I'm a wreck, so don't tell me. I want to know that I wasn't lied to for 25 years. Have either of your parents ever cheated on one another before, that you know of? How would you react if you found out today that one of them cheated? I'm not entirely clear on this, but I'm 90% sure Dad cheated on Mom with his now-wife. Dad also accused Mom of cheating, but I HIGHLY doubt that's true. Do you like cleaning and organizing? Not really. How would you react if you found out you were infertile? If you don’t plan on having kids to begin with, what is a long-term goal you’d be crushed to find out was impossible to achieve? Fuck having kids. I'd be a terrible mother. So to answer the other question, I'll be pretty, pretty sad if I can't get permission to spread Teddy's ashes at Yellowstone. Would you take your dream job if it were out of the country? Well, obviously not considering my dream job is a meerkat biologist, and I'm not moving to Africa. Have you ever been robbed? No. Is anyone close to you an alcoholic? Not anymore. Dad was, but he's recovered. Have you ever dumped anyone? Yes. What kind of tea do you drink? I hate tea. Do you know anyone in a gang? No, and I hope I never do. What’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you? Risk his fucking sanity and health to try to hold my fucked up self up. What is your orientation? Gay? Straight? Metrosexual? Anything other? Bisexual. I've kinda been questioning pansexual of the late, though. I don't know. Have you ever done anything really dangerous or illegal with friends? Not to my memory. Name three feelings you’re feeling right now: Regret. Hopelessness. Loneliness. And the reasons for these feelings? Take a wild fuckin' guess. How do you feel about your life right now? It's an actual dumpster fire. Is it easy for you to like yourself? Why or why not? Fuck no. Because there's just not very much TO like about me. Even on my good days, I see flaw after flaw in myself. What subjects come naturally to you? English, some aspects of science. What subjects do not? Math, economics, politics, history... Do you read more fiction or more non-fiction books? Definitely fiction. When I read a book, I want an escape from the real world. How has today been for you? BOY HOWDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What did you do? Went to TMS therapy. Sat on the Internet. Cried. :^) Are there any candles lit in the room you’re in? No. Are there any lava lamps near you? No. I want one, though. Do you like cats or dogs better? Cats. Are any of your friends a pothead? Yes. What’s a goal you’re trying to accomplish soon? Start losing weight again. That'd be pretty goddamn grand. Are you a high maintenance person? Definitely not. The last time you yelled as loud as you could, what was the reason? I was having a nightmare. Have you ever been heartbroken? For sure. Who did that to you? First Dad, then Jason. Did you go through an ugly stage as a kid? Boy, did I. The last type of sandwich you made or ate: A pb&j. The last time you spent most of the day in bed: Literally every day. I do just about everything in bed. Pathetic, I know. The last friend or acquaintance you made: Ummmm idk. The last thing you took pictures of: A hydrangea bush. The last time you were scared: Now. The future is terrifying, my friend. The last thing you looked up online: The definition of a word to ensure I was using it correctly. The last thing you disagreed with: So I've been watching John Wolfe's old stream of him playing Alice: Madness Returns, and he went on a total soapbox about smoking being okay essentially because we're all gonna die eventually from something, and I really disagreed with it. Does your house have a separate laundry room? No, just like a closet. Do your parents still help you financially? I'm still entirely dependent on them. Does your car have a backup camera? No. Have either of your parents ever been in trouble with the law? Not to my knowledge. Have you ever had a pet that lived to be really old for its breed/species? REALLY old, no. Teddy was definitely up there, but beagles have lived longer. What was the last strong scent you smelled? Lysol. Have you ever told someone to their face that they were ugly? Christ, no. Is your bed against more than one of your walls? No. Have you ever been attracted to someone’s parent? Don't think so? Have you ever pole danced before? No. Have you ever broken into someone’s house? No. Have you ever seen a live bat? Yes. What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before? I dunno. Have you ever taken a woodshop class? No. How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one? Funny you ask, because as of today I decided to take a break from it for awhile. I've found it's nothing more than a breeding ground for envy and making me feel like a horribly incompetent adult. Has a teacher ever made you hate yourself/your work? I had one photography teacher in college that I was NOT a fan of. He was super, super hard on everyone, like to an unnecessary degree. We were students, not pros. Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? No. Are your parents supportive of you? Somehow.

#survey #surveys #random questions

[laufire]

Supernatural s1

my dash: decries Supernatural every five posts.

me: time to watch it seriously for the first time in my life.

-First thing first: it’s an amazingly well-crafted season of tv. I’m a character-focused watcher, not a plot-focused one; I never connected emotionally to the Winchesters (still haven’t and likely never will, as interesting I might find them as character constructs), so I feared I’d be bored and would want to skip scenes. Nuh huh. I was many things, but none of them were bored xDD. Each episode was a lesson in good pacing and the entire season another in proper build-up. There are one or two or a few dozen tv-writers I would like to show it to, ngl.

-Another thing it excelled at was in its portrayal in abusive family dynamics. The way Dean went mellow and so unlike himself when John gave an order (and what a SHOCK it is in the later episodes when he finally stands up to him!!). How Sam said HE would apologize to his father when they saw each other again, or how he made apologies for his father because “it could have been worse” (at least John didn’t beat them up, like it happened to that poor kid!). John showing Sam more “““respect””” (as far as he’s able at least) simply because Sam already proved he’s capable of leaving him; the way John controls the information he gives them and when and how and how much and how small they feel when they reunite with him. Dean knowing his father had been possessed by a demon because it wasn’t reprimanding him and belittling him. Dean’s psychic shapeshifter (?) expressing his resentment towards Sam for getting to escape. Dean’s quickness to resort to violence when Sam says something that makes him angry, or how he tries to severe ties between Sam and his college friends, or how he guilt trips him when Sam says he plans on returning to his studies, or how he minimizes Sam’s experiences with John or how Sam criticizes Dean’s compliance... (I don’t think Dean’s being consciously manipulative. I think it’s intuitive. Which is far, far scarier. He’s the Elena Gilbert of Supernatural and a walking red flag for controlling behavior). How it’s paired with ~honeymoon periods. The way they use the families around them to highlight their issues. It’s... chilling and terrifying and I can’t look away. I won’t get into the shit John pulls in 2x01 because that’s for the s2 POV, but oh my god I’m so happy he’s dead.

I wasn’t all that sure of how self-aware the creators were about this trend (especially because of how centralized and validated Dean’s POV is in his conflicts with Sam IMO. OTOH... characters like Dean and actors like Ackles are the type to take over a show by charisma alone tbf. The way he swoops in in the pilot and starts disrupting everything, including Sam’s relationship, reminding me of both Angel in BTVS and Chuck in Gossip Girl, Doylist-wise. This comparison is going to make sense to like three people I talk with regularly xDD). At least on early seasons, since certain spoilers about the later ones make me think it grew over time. I’m still unsure but I think they are a little self-aware because of this quote:

Eric Kripke said of Buffy: “I loved ‘Hush’ and ‘Once More, With Feeling,’ but overall, Buffy really taught me about effectively using metaphor in genre. For Buffy, it was ‘high school is hell (literally),’ and Joss Whedon did such a masterful job of grounding his horror and fantasy concepts in this notion, and ultimately telling allegories about high school, which turned what could’ve been B-Movie material into an all-time classic. I used that same philosophy on my run of Supernatural, with the mantra ‘family is hell (literally),’ and always grounded my horror episodes around the notion of families, to the show’s benefit. So thanks, Joss Whedon. I owe you a beer. (Credit: The WB)

everyone wants to be Buffy lol.

-My absolute favourite thing was how competent the Winchesters are (I’m even reluctantly including John here. That bastard). They’re sneaky with local authorities, crafty about fake IDs, credit scams, research abilities, DIY supernatural detectors xDD... I loved the lack of an audience proxy, the fact that the story throws you into the deep end with people that already know their shit. And that the other side is competent too, like when Meg & YED’s plan to trap John relied on the Winchester being competent; on Sam immediately going into the defensive because, what are the chances of finding that cute weird girl a second time, miles away?; on John suspecting it was a trap and only revealing himself after Meg appears to be dead... Another scene that I loved in that sense, from 2x01 (I watched until 2x03, I wanted to see Sterling K. Brown’s first appearance lol) was how upon discovering Reapers are shapeshifters, Dean immediately knew that cute ghost he’d befriended was the one after him. I get the feeling this aspect will get lost in future season and it’s a pity, tbh.

-Related to that, some of my favourite moments: Sam straight up bribing a guy to get into the morgue when Dean’s arguments are failing (with Dean’s money!); Dean’s plan of “well, if this guy is haunting the house and there’s no other way to kill him, we burn the house. No house no haunting”; Dean telling that kid to fake appendicitis to get his parents out of the house; John blessing the tank of water knowing he’s walking into a trap with demons... I dig this stuff.

-I get whiplash sometimes, with the show making a point of (very briefly) telling you racism, homophobia or pro-life attitudes are Bad(TM) and the brothers are Against them (the Racist Truck episode, the one where a woman used a Reaper to exchange “virtuous” lives for those of sinners...), when the rest of the show is err... what it is lol. Dean is toxic masculinity’s poster boy (I was so disgusted by how he acted with Jess omfg), in s2 we don’t get the monsters’ perspective on hunters until we’ve conveniently met our first black one (I love the episode AND the character but it’s fucking true)...

-I need to make a note of paying attention to the writers credits/Bts stuff because I find this show’s progression fascinating on a metatextual level. The only problem is that audience reaction seems to have played a big role (which is a problem on one or two different levels imo xD), and tracking that down is sliiiiightly more difficult lol. Oh well (I don’t even think I want to see too much of this fandom, even to satisfy my curiosity. Some of the glimpses I’ve caught of it are disturbing to the extreme).

-The detail about dead people’s blood being toxic to vampires is SO COOL OMG. I’m tempted to steal it xD

Some random stuff:

-The monsters of the week were some legit creepy stuff.

-I love that Meg has her own hellhounds. Is that still a thing when she returns?

-Dean: you and dad are reckless and I’m going to have to be the one that buries you. / Me, with the power of foresight: 👀

-Also Dean: sometimes it scares me how good I am at killing. / Me: it scares the shit out of me how good you are at killing, too, fam.

-I get the impression Sam loses his demonic-in-origin powers later on, right? What a waste, I love those.

-I’m pretty sure at one point it’s implied John used Dean to honeytrap monsters (when he sends him as a trap for the lady vampire that stole the Colt) and I really don’t know what to do with this information.

-Cassie was GORGEOUS and even make Dean likeable for me while they lasted xDD. But given this show’s track record I’m considering the lack of more appearances a blessing.

-So many guest stars. Everyone’s been on SPN. Especially if they were on the Buffyverse first (I totally get the impulse of casting Buffy actor after Buffy actor lmfao).

-Funny how Luther Hargreeves is exactly who a lot of fans think Dean was (Dean is far, far colder imo), and yet one is constantly called pathetic and evil and the other woobified. Very Funny Indeed *coughs* (funnier still that the character I often see Dean compared to is Wynonna Earp when the parallels are kids-pool deep at best and offensive at worst. Dean is not a Wynonna. Again, Dean is an Elena Gilbert xDD).

-The two paranormal investigators were dumb as rocks, but their motto was “What Would Buffy Do” so I like them (if they ever change that to What Would the Winchesters Do or something like that I’m going to be furious lmao).

-When I want to ~chill I dress about exactly like Dean (minus the flannel I’ve seen in later seasons, you can’t pay me to wear flannel). Like, I think I have a couple of shirts that look exactly like ones of his. I don’t know how I feel about this xDD

-IDK how I’ll feel about Bobby later on (I get the impression every long-term character on this show has their hateful phases xD), but in his introduction he said the last time he saw John he threatened to shoot him (“he causes that reaction in people”), so he’s so far the most relatable character around lol.

#talking to the void #my thoughts #spn thoughts #the writing tm #sam winchester #dean winchester #john winchester #and others #abuse mention cw #here be negativity warning lol #spn s1 #the winchesters get to have a tag I GUESS

[yaboyspodcastpalace]

For the character asks: Jon, Peter Lukas, Annabelle Cane? (giving multiple suggestions so you can pick one in case you get the same character twice in different asks)

very kind of you to assume i get many asks :') THANKS ill do all of them u_u

[Send me a character and i'll tell you...]

(under the cut bc i love talking and this got long lmao)

Jon

First impression

he's a uptight prick with obvious favoritism for sasha and tim and i love him so! much!!!!!!

Impression now

my poor little mew mew hm................I've got a complicated relationship w/ jon bc i love him a lot, but i loved s1 him the most, and literally everything else just makes me really, brutally, sad ;_; The way he tries so desperately to cling to his humanity and how other characters just call him by the title imposed to him makes me wanna cry

...also he just cares so much ;_; i cry

Favorite moment

probably his interactions with georgie at the beginning of season 3!!! From s5 id say when he killed not!sasha, it felt vindictive ù_ú

Idea for a story

Dhfhdh im p basic when it comes to him ngl, either jon/tim/sasha friends to lovers or jon and desolation!tim or *something*!sasha trying to stay as human as possible, together 😔 (or just any of them living and coping together in s4 n s5)

Unpopular opinion

Im just not a fan of monster jon, at all! He's not the type of character that i enjoy seeing having a corruption arc unfortunately!! It just hurts!!! (and this Is from someone that Loves corruption arcs!!!)

Also i really hate moth jon imagery??? For not particular reason, moths are pretty, but i still hate it u_u AND THE ASSOCIATION OF GREEN W/ JON (or the beholding in general!) I CANNOT STAND IT!! i know its bc of the tma logo but guess what! Its wrong! Purple jon rights!!!

ALSO ALSO the so called pining he had for martin just.... didnt felt like that at all! i have Many feelings abt this!

Favorite relationship

either georgie in s3, or sasha!!! i love how he always praises sasha in her research in s1 and even thought he's at his driest & sharp Trying-To-Project-Professionalism-And-Skepticism she still rolls into his office, interrupts him mid statement to banter w/ him abt pronunciation n stuff and its just Normal, like that speaks volumes of how comfortable they felt around each other! they were friends gdi! the moment he realizes she died and then everytime the not!them mocks him w/ her death makes me wanna break smth q_q

im not even gonna mention tim bc even though i love their relationship It 👏 makes me👏 very 👏 sad 👏

non shippy and also staying strictly canon, i love his relationship with melanie!

Favorite headcanon

sometimes i think abt that one hc that hes really good with arcade games bc he lived near the coast and i smile bc thats cute :) also hes a trans man 💙💗🤍💗💙

Peter

First impression

Mystery evil captain man!!! Fog?? I LOVE him :)

Impression now

I STILL LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! Hes an asshole and has a lovely voice and smile and hes not, hes not Dumb but also he's far from the whooooa evil lonely influence he think he is (played like a cheap fiddle). He also makes me sad in ways i cannot and wont describe, and its a shame that he died cuz he was the best part of season 4 😔 rip you beautiful bastard man i still miss you </3

Favorite moment

"It has blood on it" "thats Leitner's too :D". Also when martin was angry abt idk, breekon? Jon going into the coffin? Cant remember, but peter was like I said id protect the institute, that guys not my problem ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Idea for a story

dfgdfg i have..... a petermart story that dealt with the different flavor of loneliness they both had, half smut half genuine meta of both of them and theorization on the branching of an Entity & how their powers manifested in other people...

basically, peter thinks hes hot shit when it comes to loneliness but gets overwhelmed when martin accidentally projects his feelings abt *fic's plot stuff* on him, its fun stuff!

Unpopular opinion

people either paint him like an absolute devil or an incompetent idiot and hes neither of them! hes an asshole who loves being an asshole but far from the worst monster in the show and he tried to do a clever scheme TWICE on his life and 1. while it was established that any of the rituals wouldnt work singularly the Silence was still a pretty clever attempt if it weren't for gertrude! and 2. well... he tried to manipulate someone petty and formerly supposed to be a web avatar, again not his fault, cant call him stupid for trying dfgdfg

i Do think hes kinda pathetic in some sense considering his backstory, but more out of personal pity than anything else

Favorite relationship

Canonically speaking him and martin! The pull and push of them was The best thing about season 4! Peter being a quite dangerous avatar and martin, beautiful and scared and kinda feisty, confronting him every chance he gets, peter doing his best to manipulate him and martin letting him believe hes succeeding (even thought, he is, partly). They're fascinating characters to have side by side

Favorite headcanon

Partly canonically speaking him and mikaele salesa :) they do bets together! They're lonely sea men! What else could you possibly want?

Also non shippy i like thinking abt peter's and simon's relationship but thats entirely non canon ♡

Diversity wins! The heir of the lonely is a gay man!

Also I think as every rich household(?) the lukases had many paintings and peter as a kid saw the ones w/ sailing ships and imagined sailing far far away from his family. That and seaman aesthetic fucks, which is why he always has the same vibe going on as an adult. He does Not know half of the things he'd need to know to have a ship though but hey he's rich and thats all he needs

Annabelle

First impression

thats a horrible psychological experiment they're making there D:

Impression now

THATS STILL A HORRIBLE EXPERIMENT AND ANNABELLE DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER............. idk! she makes me sad in the same way jon (and to a degree, peter) does! to be a living puppet for the thing that traumatized you as a kid and that later kinda killed you / is the only thing keeping you alive, to be devoted to it scrambling to believe in a higher reason for all of it to happen bc to believe otherwise is............. anyway. i love her, and i feel so so sorry for her

Favorite moment

her "maybe ive never been to the beach" at the end of ehr statement (that i fully believe its bullshit but, yknow, i love that she adds that), most of her convos with martin, her "i told you this might happen" "you did, you did" with mikaele

Idea for a story

i think a lot about her having conversations w/ either mikaele (platonically) or sasha (shippy) and their different points of views and treat with her making her doubt the web a bit

Unpopular opinion

listen, listen, i know it sounds like im woobifying her i Know it but reading the scraps of her story how can i Not feel sorry for her? when the story framed her very similar to jon? the supernatural childhood encounter that gave them arachnophobia and the subsequential joining with an Entity against her will? the fact that both the story and the fans treat her like a spider woman always sat very very bad to me, and the fact that the story itself always framed her like a villain (considering All The Other Characters that get the benefit of the doubt) was extremely disappointing

Favorite relationship

her and mikaele!!!!!!! wish we could have seen more scenes of just the two of them!!!!!! *singing* he is her daaaaaad, hes her dad! boogie boogie boogie! (ok no but like... their offscreen friendship is my favorite thing of season 5 ;_;)

Favorite headcanon

Sigh i dont know...i still think she's scared of spiders which make her current existence harder but thats a sadcanon :/ umm...... i love the idea of mikaele and her cooking together from time to time! Mikaele showing her some plates he used to eat as a kid as he talks stories about his life :) and she listens and sometimes tells a story of her own! its been so long since he had a quasy normal conversation! its weird yet nice!

#i say the same phrase many times but basically best parts of s4 are hands down peter. lonely!mart. peter and martin. melanie's arc. thats it #best parts of s5 are jon killing the not!them. annabelle. mikaele. annabelle & mikaele. annabelle and martin. thats it #dhfjfj sorry half of these are a bummer but you asked me... characters i have a complicated relationship with... i love the three of them s #statement ends #THANKS i love... talking

[morgana-ren]

Hell and You XI

Summary:  After being abducted but somehow escaping a horrible fate, your life has been turned sideways. It's been months now and you're still trying to recover and cope with the traumatic events that occurred in that dark basement. Your friend and roommate, determined to get you back into the groove of things, convinces you to come out for a night on the town despite your better judgement. What's the worst that could happen? After all, it's been months, and Strade is long since through with you, right?

Rating: HA HA HA holy shit look if anything bothers you, just don’t. Stay far the fuck away. R+. 

AO3 Mirror if you prefer to read it there

You heard it right, folks. Chapter 11 is finally up and ready for business on a newly re-edited version of Hell and You, my dumpsterfire of a magnum opus. Gods I need to reevaluate my fucking priorities lmao

“Wake up, little one!”

An involuntary grunt pushed itself out of my throat, voicing my reluctance to oblige the command. It took me a full moment to drag my heavy eyelids open, only to be greeted with Strade’s predatory grin beaming down at me. The foggy veil of sleep lifted from my brain and reality hit me like a fucking truck. I realized exactly where I was and what was happening. My groan turned into a long, drawn out whine and I did my best to turn from him, only to quickly be reminded of the shackles around my wrists with a sear of pain as they grated my skin. The renewed need to get away from him was tearing me apart, inside and out.

“Come now, liebling! You’ve been asleep for hours now. It’s far past the afternoon!” He placed a large hand on my ribs and shook, digging his fingers in a little too deeply to be comfortable.

I hissed, shaking him off. I tried to remember even falling asleep, feeling violated by his presence, both conscious and not. “What time is it?”

“Almost three now.”

I almost jerked up, held back only by the stinging pain in my wrists again and a warning flare from my sore shoulders. “What day is it? How long was I out?”

A condescending smirk slowly made its way across his face. “It’s still Sunday, häschen. Why? Expecting something?”

A slow, deep crevice carved down into my stomach. Acid crawled up my throat, and I resisted the urge to hurl.

“What do you want, Strade?” I closed my eyes, if only so I didn’t have to look at him. I wanted to tear those golden eyes out with my bare fucking hands.

“It’s been a while since you’ve eaten.” He pulled something from his pocket and thrust it into my face. I forced myself to look at it, only to be greeted with a broken, crumpled energy bar held between his meaty fingers. “You should eat. Keep your energy up.” He twisted it around, shaking it slightly as if to entice me.

Between the smell of stale grain, the raisins that were dangerously close to fermenting, and his horrid, wolfish smile, something inside me broke.

Despite the obvious danger I was in, I almost choked on my own spit laughing. It bubbled up from deep in my chest, breaking through a barricade of self-preservation and sanity. The overwhelming need to be petty overrode my better judgement. “Is that the only thing you ever eat?”

He stared at me blankly, a sliver of curiosity breaking through his stoic façade. My anger boiled over, and I cackled even louder, tears brimming in the corners of my eyes.

“Holy shit. I knew you were pathetic, but this really takes the cake.” The words came out like vomit. I knew this would be a big mistake, but I couldn’t stop myself. I needed to spew some of his own bile back at him. I closed my eyes again to keep the tears from falling.

“You technically have an entire house, including a fully stocked kitchen, and you still choose to live off those cheap fucking energy bars.” I began digging my nails into my palm to ease the mania, trying to bring myself back down to reality, but it just kept coming. “You have no idea how to even take care of yourself, do you? Too busy taking people apart and reenacting your bullshit slasher fantasy to learn how to take care of yourself even on a base level?”

I opened my eyes briefly, enough to see him scowl, face darkening as he narrowed his eyes on me.

I stopped laughing.

“Such a sweet girl,” He bared his canines at me as one of his hands shot down, grabbing my jaw and yanking it towards him, pulling my face far enough to tug on my restraints and forcing a small cry from me. “Offering to make me food. Is that what I heard?”

“Mhmm!” I nodded fervently. “Okay, okay, let go!” His fingertips were digging into my already sore jaw, pushing my cheeks and lips into a pucker.

“What was that?” He leaned in, cocking his head, clenching his hand even more. “One more time?”

“Please!” It wasn’t so much a sentence as it was a mushy worded plea. “Strade, please stop!”

He pulled his hand away but kept his face close. I could already feel his handprints bruising into my flesh. He stroked my hairline as I moved my jaw back and forth, trying to ease the ache. “Kind of you to offer.” Reaching behind him, he pulled his knife. “Now be a good little pet and don’t move.”

One of his hands slipped the blade just under my chin, and the other went to unlock my handcuffs. I thought about rushing him as I felt one of my hands fall free, at least until his knife dug into my chin hard enough that I felt a small drop of blood dribble down my throat. He looked down at me almost knowingly as he immediately grabbed my other free hand and slapped the constraint back on, only in front this time.

Motherfucker.

He pulled himself up from the bed, yanking me up by the chain of my binds as well. I opened my mouth in a wordless cry, letting him drag me upwards by my raw wrists from the mattress. One of them began bleeding anew, letting small crimson drops fall onto the carpet as he led me out the door and down the hallway, jerking me along by the small amount of slack he allowed. This carpet is so beyond ruined.

When we reached the kitchen, I was breathing deeply and clenching my fingers. My wrists were raw and bleeding, my arms aching and shoulders barely able to move. Either oblivious or uncaring to my pain, he shoved me towards a counter, letting me catch myself against the harsh granite with my forearms.

I rubbed at my joints, trying to scrape off some of the dried blood as he lumbered over by the fridge, stopping halfway as he spied my knife block. He looked at it for a few seconds before he picked up in his hands, turning and smirking at me as he placed it on top of the fridge and pushed it back where I couldn’t reach, doing the same with our silverware drawer and anything he deemed a threat to his personhood.

“Oh, fuck you, you fucking prick.” I spat, coaxing a small giggle from him.

“If you want me to reach anything for you, you just have to ask me nicely.” He reached over and ruffled my hair.

“Strade, will you please hand me that big ass knife?”

He pursed his lips and gave me an annoyed look. “Cute.”

“Okay, genius, you go ahead and tell me how I’m going to cook anything without any silverware.”

He looked to the side for a few seconds as he pondered it, chewing on his lip. He looked around again briefly before turning and stalking back over to the fridge. He yanked it open, pulling out a carton of eggs and throwing them on the counter. He then proceeded open and slam a few drawers before pulling out a spatula and holding it towards me.

“Eggs sound nice, don’t they? And I don’t think you could do much damage with this.”

I yanked it from his hand, lip twitching. “You want to test that theory?”

“Oh, süße. Don’t bring a spatula to a knife fight.” He grinned, palming his blade.

“One of these times, I’m going to get that thing away from you, and I’m going to dig it into your fucking eye socket.”

He gave me a coy look, running his tongue over his teeth and biting his lip subtly. “I was planning on just eating a little food but talking like that makes me think you have something else in mind.” He went to reach for me again, and I jerked out of his range, holding my hands up defensively.

“I’ll make the damn food, just don’t touch me.”

He kept the predatory smile on his face, leering nearby. “Playing hard to get, hmm?” He pulled his knife out, tapping it playfully on his lower lip. “That’s fine, for now. But you might want to hurry. I am hungry, but I’m also feeling a little... under stimulated.”

I backed away from him, showing him that fear I’d tried so hard to keep down. I had to draw this out as long as I could. I just had to hold him off until someone came home. I knew what under stimulated meant for Strade, and I knew what that meant for me.

Pain. Lots of it.

Something about the way my hands were shaking or maybe my terrified expression must have excited him. His face blossomed into a deep shade of red, and he ran his tongue along his teeth. “Keep looking at me like that and I might not be able to resist.”

I swallowed down hard, turning from him as quickly as I could. Shakily, I looked around in the upper cabinets for a bowl I could crack the eggs in, which was much harder than I’d like to admit in handcuffs. The rest of my efforts went to pretending I couldn’t feel his horrid stare on my backside. “Is scrambled okay?”

He made a small humming noise which I took as acceptance. He had taken to leaning against the opposite cabinet nonchalantly, using his knife to clean out underneath his fingernails. I started cracking the eggs in the bowl, trying to focus on the cooking instead of him.

I wasn’t sure how many he’d want, so I just used as many as we had left. I used the spatula as best as I could to beat the eggs into a yellow slurry before reaching down and pulling a small pan out from underneath the oven and putting it on the stove. Something so simple seemed so terrifying with the knowledge that Strade was so close.

It did occur to me that I might be able to use the pan to fend him off, but frankly between the stunted movement of my arms and his overbearing form, I decided against it. He’d probably just take the pan and knock me clean over the head with it. If I was going to play the attack card, I needed the advantage.

I noticed he was being uncharacteristically quiet, which was exceptionally unnerving. I didn’t know where his mind was wandering, but whatever it was, I had to put a stop to it. If I could steer his mind somewhere that didn’t involve more of my blood, I had to do it.

“The um...” I paused briefly, not entirely sure what I wanted to say. As I poured the eggs into the pan, I noticed out of the corner of my eye, he was staring pretty intently at me, waiting for me to speak.  “The cut on your chest is pretty nasty. You should probably clean it.”

I turned over my shoulder and looked at him. He had a surprised look on his face, eyebrows raised and slow blinking. He stared at me for a few moments before looking down, prodding at the shreds of his black undershirt and across the deep, marred flesh that crossed his chest courtesy of me. He rubbed his fingertips together, trying to dust off some of the dried blood that wiped on his fingers. It looked like he had managed to patch up his arm but didn’t have time to get to his chest before I woke up.

“I suppose you’re right, Schatz.”

I was moving the egg batter around in the pan but stiffened when I noticed Strade approach the sink beside me. He chucked his knife aside, turning the faucet on and digging his fingers underneath his tank top. He yanked it over his head, chucking the discarded clothing in the sink under the running water.

He was completely shirtless now, and I tried to recall if I’d ever seen him quite this naked before. It was odd to say the least since we had technically slept together (if you could call it that) but there was something too familiar, too personal about seeing him do something like this. I don’t think I’d ever seen so much of his skin, let alone his bare chest. Then again, we didn’t have the most normal relationship.

It was strange. His stomach was dusted with tufts of hair, particularly on his upper chest and then kicking back up again near his happy trail where it thickened again. Considering his heritage, that didn’t surprise me, but what did strike me is how tan he was. I guess I hadn’t really noticed it before, with the torture and all. While he was definitely a bigger guy, he was also fairly built, large muscles tucked away under the layer of chub on his tummy and arms. All things considered, he would have been a very handsome man, were it not for his dirty little secret.

His golden eyes peered intently downward, lip gently clenched between his teeth in concentration as he palmed water in his hands and washed over the crossed, jagged slices on his chest. They looked painful, but it didn’t seem to faze him. He ripped a few paper towels, dabbing the wounds gently and wiping away at the excess blood.

“Your attention is flattering, Hase.” His gaze slowly turned up to mine and a deceptively soft smile curled across his face.

“I wasn’t staring, I just-“ What was I doing, exactly? “That looks bad. I was going to offer you a bandage or something. You might want to wrap it.”

His grin turned patronizing, lowering his eyelids and tilting his head. “We can pretend that’s what you were doing if you want.”

I scowled, turning back to the eggs that were beginning to cook. “I take it that’s a no then.”

“Don’t worry, little one. Of all the nasty little injuries I’ve seen in my days, this one barely holds a candle.” He scoffed, waving his hand around before picking his knife back up off the sink. “You are quite good with this knife though. Knew just how to make it hurt.”

“Good.” I huffed out under my breath.  

“See?” Strade chucked the bloody paper towels on the counter and stepped toward me, playing with a lock of my hair in his fingers. “There you go again. You know what that kind of talk does to me.”

I rolled my eyes, making a noise of disgust as I turned my attentions back toward the food. I pretended not to notice that Strade pulled away from me, opting to stand menacingly in my peripheral watching me for a few moments before moving back behind me where I could no longer see him.

That made me anxious. Very, very anxious.

It wasn’t until he pressed himself against me that I began to panic. I could feel him leaning down, his breath on the back of my neck. I almost jumped when I felt his hands on the low of my hips, the metal handle of his knife pressed against my hip bone.

Fuck me.

“You know, you’re precious like this.” His free hand crawled up my stomach, making its way to my ear where he pushed the stray strands of hair back behind it. I had to swallow down the bile when I felt his upper body fall against my back, his mouth right in my ear. “Cooking me breakfast. Worrying about me. My little domestic hausfrau.” He let his arm wander down and rest on my shoulder, curling around my neck slightly. “A man could get used to that.”

“Could a man get used to having his head smashed repeatedly with the heaviest object his ‘frau’ can find? Because that’s what you’re going to get.” I hissed through my teeth, scraping the forming egg clumps from the bottom of the pan.

Another dark laugh bubbled up from deep in his chest. His grip on my neck tightened uncomfortably, and he allowed his full body weight to push into me, trapping me between him and the hot stove. The thing that made me almost swallow my tongue, however, was the unmistakable hardness I felt from his pelvic region pushing against my lower back.

“I can think of several better uses for your mouth rather than sassing me.” The hand with the knife slowly crawled upward, trailing the edge up my stomach and neck, pushing only hard enough to sting slightly. When he reached my face, he turned the blade, pressing the flat bit against my cheek.

“Strade-“ I started, the gravity of the situation setting in. Very hot stove in front. Very dangerous stab-happy man in back. This had to be the world’s worst threesome.

“Let’s play a little game, Hase.” He pulled the knife from my face, opting to grab my hand that was holding the pan straight instead, clenching his fist against my knuckles. “Put your hand on the stove.”

“What? No!” I almost tried to buck him off, but he dug the blade into my joints, letting a small stream of blood drip down onto the ceramic. I whined in pain, looking over at him pleadingly.

His maniacal smile was back, and he bumped my backside with his hips, sending my upper body lurching forward as my legs collided with the oven. “I wasn’t asking.”

“Strade, please, I need that hand to cook your food with! I can’t cook for you if my hand is burnt to shit!”

He gave me a faux look of disappointment, wrapping his fingers harshly around my hand before slamming it down in the middle of the stove; thankfully away from a heating plate. “I thought we were becoming so close. You know I like to give you a choice in these things. You might not even get hurt at all.”

The literal pain in my neck from his romantic idea of fellatio said otherwise.

Whatever it was he wanted, I knew it was pointless to fight. He was getting excited, breathing heavy and beginning to sweat heavily from his chest and neck. I could feel his front beginning to stick to my back from his overexcitement. I just needed to get it over with quickly. I could take it. Just handle him until they got home.

“O-okay. I’ll play.”

“Nettes Mädchen.” His grip loosened on my neck, clawing down and making a point to grab and knead my breast before moving down and playing with the band of my shorts. “I want you to beg.”

I was taken back a little bit. Begging, in the grand scheme of things, was easy. If he wanted me to beg, sure.

“Strade, please.”

He laughed, nipping at my neck. The hand on my lower body started teasing down the elastic, slipping down to my private areas. I squirmed, feeling his hands dip low, violating me.

“Eager, hmm?” One of his feet harshly kicked my legs further apart, rubbing his groin on the back of my shorts. Two of his fingers found their way between my folds, stroking gently. “Good.”

I sucked in a breath. His calloused fingers, as much as I hated it, felt good. At least until I felt a sharp pain in my hand and yelped, seeing him dig the knife far enough into my hand to make it bleed. A small bit of blood coated his blade before he pulled away, reaching down to the front of the stove and switching on one of the burners. The one directly adjacent to my hand.

He began rubbing me gently in small, controlled circles. I maneuvered the spatula around, if only to maintain a small amount of control as he manhandled me. I closed my eyes as he loosened his grip, holding back a sigh of relief.

His bloody knife tangled slightly in my hair as he brought his hand up and stroked my head. An uncharacteristically gentle act. “I want you to scream.”

As quickly as his gentleness came, it left. He yanked my hair, forcing my head back, letting the tip of the blade run along my scalp. “I like when you scream for me. Scream for my hands, or the knife, or even the burn. But you will scream. And you can even choose!” He sounded giddy for a moment until his voice darkened. “Or I will.”

I didn’t need to see his face to know the look on it. The same one he gave me when he pulled out the knife the first time. The same one he got in the alley way. Pink and flushed and needy. Enthusiastic. Excited in anticipation of what was to come. Or who.

“You’ll come undone by your hands,” he picked my hand up and held it by the burner, reveling in my uncomfortable worming for a moment before returning it back to its original position. “Or mine.” His fingertips stopped rubbing me, finding its place at my opening.

“Understand?” He leaned his head down by mine, pulling on the strands of my hair tangled in his fingers.

I swallowed, trying to think about the situation. There wasn’t an answer but yes. Strade did not take ‘no’ for answer. Even if I entertained the notion, he’d either cut me or burn me anyway. There was a part of me that felt him beneath my bottoms too, understanding that just letting go and giving over to him might be the best option.

For my pride? No. For my well-being and continued breathing? Absolutely.

I nodded, swallowing down hard and trying to finish the food in front of me. I can do this. I’ve survived Strade before. I can do this.

“Let’s play then.” He whispered in my ear, slowly pushing a thick finger inside me. I couldn’t help but gasp as he worked his way in, keeping his thumb padding against my sensitive nerves. I hadn’t been with anyone, not since the last time with him, and it’s like I had somehow been expecting him. My fear only served to heighten the sensations he gifted me.

I could feel the heat of the stove against my free hand, understanding the consequences if I disappointed him, but his actions were already making my knees weak. I couldn’t help but grind into his hand, trying to push him deeper, work him further against me.

I felt him smile into my hair, adding in a second finger. A moan left my lips as he nudged it inside as well, curling his fingers slightly as my body yielded to him. I tried to mix the eggs again, seeing the slight burned brown beginning to appear on the bottom, but I couldn’t focus as his fingers began thrusting harder, his thumb actively circling my clit.

I let my head fall against his shoulder, breathing heavy as his finger fucked into me. At least until I felt my alternate hand maneuvered close enough to the burning stove to panic me. The heat wasn’t quite so intense as to hurt, just enough to for me to feel waves rolling off the burning metal and onto my hand. Squealing, I tried to rip my hand away, only for Strade to hold it down in a cruel grip, never stopping his ministrations.

“You like it, don’t you?” He giggled, curling his fingers further and dragging them against my walls, coaxing a loud noise from me. I was acutely aware of the danger I was in, but it didn’t stop me from thrusting my lower body against him, trying to give him deeper access. I exhaled, letting my head drop and allowing him to do to me what he wanted. He obliged me, pressing his thumb deeper and oscillating his fingers, rubbing his growing erection against the thin layer of fabric that was my shorts.

I bit my lip, refusing to answer him. If I had to cum for him, fine, I guess, but there was no way in hell I was going to admit that I actually enjoyed it. He continued regardless, pushing his fingers deeper inside me until I could feel the dripping wetness leaking between my thighs and onto his palm.

“See? You don’t have to say anything. You tell me everything I need to know.” He licked across the clotted wound on my neck, delighting in the response he had elicited from me.

“I-it’s a fucking-“ I breathed out, trying to keep my voice even. “Uncontrolled r-response. It doesn’t mean I want this.”

Wow. Even I didn’t believe me. I might as well have said ‘Fuck me Strade, fuck me now.’

“Whatever you have to tell yourself. You can’t lie to me. I know you.” He removed his other hand from my wrist, releasing me from the precarious situation my hand was in near the burner, opting to reach back up to my breast instead. He yanked my top down, rolling and harshly tugging my nipple between his fingers. Liquid fire shot straight between my legs, and a loud mewl escaped my throat as I bucked into him.

He chuckled, groping and kneading as he continued pumping his hand. I could smell the eggs burning, and I knew somewhere in my mind that I needed to stir it, but I couldn’t bring myself to move, too busy laxing into him and losing myself in his touch.

“Move your hand closer.” He muttered, trying to give the strain in his pants some relief against my thigh.

“Mmm?” I stuttered out, eyes closed and mouth slightly agape. Fuck it felt good it felt really really good and-

“Näher!” He seethed, bumping my arm with his body until I lurched into the stove again. My hand. He wanted me to move my hand.

Shakily, I moved my hand even closer to the rim. The heat was intense now and leaving it here for too long would dry my skin into complete rawness, slowly weakening and cracking the skin. A slow burn. Seems fitting. It was beginning to hurt, but the sensation wasn’t nearly as overwhelming as his fingers invading me.

“You’re getting close.” He huffed, practically dry humping me into the stove.

“I can see that.” I mumbled, glancing down at my hand through heavily eyelids.

“Not what I meant.” He began maneuvering quicker, and I threw my head back on his shoulder, whimpering pathetically. It took every ounce of self-control I had not to plead for him, urge him to go harder, faster, cry his name and cling on to him.

“J-Jesus fuck-“

My cursing only spurred him forward, thrusting me very rapidly into oncoming orgasm. I could hear my breaths getting more and more high pitched, abandoning the eggs and clenching both my hands on the warm porcelain as I threw myself forward. I was on the peak, about to go off the edge, just a little more, fuck just a little more fuck fuck fuck!

That’s when I heard it. The sound of the front door opening.

#Strade #Strade BTD #strade x reader #boyfriend to death #btd #hhhman tumblr fucks all the italics and shit #so you'll have to go to ao3 if you technically want the full experience #I edited this i swear

[isuzukuretsuki]

me before playing blue lions: haha I’m not like ~other girls~ I don’t like Dimitri and I think he’s boring and basic.

me after playing blue lions: I will die for Dimitri.

I finally finished Azure Moon!! Can’t believe it took me 4 damn months to finish this route. Just like with Crimson Flower, I decided to do a very long write up of my thoughts of this route after letting my thoughts marinate for a bit. There will be spoilers for both Azure Moon and Crimson Flower. Also disclaimer: these are just my personal opinions.

Tldr: this route was so fucking good!!!! I jumped ship from being team Edie/BE to team Dimitri/BL faster than Sylvain jumps girlfriends because I enjoyed this route more than Crimson Flower in almost every way possible. The Blue Lions are my KIDS and I will die for each and every one of them. Blue Lions may not be my first route/house, but this is where my heart rightfully lies. 

I guess the first thing I should get out of the way are the negatives. While this isn’t really a complaint about AM specifically and more so the narrative over the entire game... the conflict between Edelgard and Dimitri seems really stupid and contrived. In other games, war happens because the villain is evil. In this game, war happens because the villain is fucking stupid. Basically, I still ain’t convinced that Edelgard’s war was ever necessary LMAO. She straight up nuked the church’s authority and relevancy out of orbit the chapter before the time skip, so she technically already accomplished her goal; why she still feels the need to go on a savage conquest alludes me. 

Speaking of nuking the church’s relevancy out of orbit, that’s exactly what happened to Rhea LOL. Despite all the church goons clamoring every .5 seconds about how they gotta save Rhea, we literally never see her again at all after the time skip, even at the end of the game. It makes no sense why Edelgard would keep Rhea imprisoned and not kill her, especially when Rhea seemingly served no greater purpose to Edelgard and became completely irrelevant in the war phase.

Edie says some mumbo jumbo of “I weighed the victims of this war against the victims of the world and I deem that there will be less victims of war” like bitch, how??? How do you tangibly quantify “victims of this world”. If she means “people who had a shitty life because of shitty society”, then those people are always going to exist because every society has its flaws. Even if you change society, you aren’t decreasing that number because you’re only solving problems by creating new ones (Edelgard’s specialty). Also the mental gymnastics you have to do to be tortured by an evil organization only to team up with said evil organization to take down another organization that, unless I missed something, isn’t even directly responsible for the death of all your siblings??? In both CF and AM, Edelgard comes off as incredibly thoughtless and illogical in her actions and I can’t help but feel that if she had been just a little bit more diplomatic, then maybe, just maybe, she could have found a better solution without starting a bloody war.

This brings me to the god forsaken chat between Edelgard and Dimitri. Dimitri demanding to know why Edelgard started the war only for her to go “it was the only way” has about the same narrative weight as “Riku why did you become one with the darkness?!” “Because I’m the worst”. Instead of bitching about whose ~ideals~ are better, how about y’all sit down and actually discuss what each person wants to accomplish and maybe figure out a way to accomplish these goals without murdering each other over it? Not that I think Edelgard would accept anything BUT murder, but jesus, this is why you don’t leave diplomatic matters to actual children.

Speaking of why you don’t leave diplomatic matters to children, god that Gronder battle. I get that it’s supposed to be an epic showdown between the three houses that mirrored the mock battle pre time skip but... the Kingdom had literally NO reason to fight the Alliance!!! The reasons they provided to justify why the Kingdom and Alliance couldn’t team up at Gronder was so fucking dumb, especially when two chapters down the line, Claude is knocking at our door begging for help. I will say tho, I never knew how much I appreciated himbo in distress Claude until now lmao.

Rodrigue's death was also really poorly done imo. As much as I liked having Dimitri’s father figure be the one to snap him out of his insanity, (I love found father/son relationships...) how on earth are you guys so fucking incompetent that you let this tiny little girl kill Rodrigue??? It doesn’t help that the exact same thing happened with Jeralt and Monica. This... just ain’t it, chief. 

I think the biggest bone I have to pick at AM specifically is... so what the fuck is the truth behind the Tragedy of Duscur LMAO??? They literally blue balled me by dropping the bomb of “Dimitri’s step mom may have conspired in it” ONLY TO NOT DO ANYTHING WITH IT. I assume that the full truth behind the Duscur tragedy will probably be revealed in VW (I hope) because it involves the slithers but it’s highkey ridiculous that the BL goons... never actually find out what really happened, and why. And I get that the story is about them moving on from their trauma and the past, but they should have at least figured out the actual truth behind it so they can get the closure they deserve???

Despite the gripes I have with some of the writing, unless VW or SS is mind blowingly amazing, this route will easily stand as the best route for me, because.... it is kind of is mind blowingly amazing. I wholeheartedly love character driven stories, and this route absolutely delivers in that respect-- the character writing is amazing and is essentially the heart of this story. To think Dimitri and the Blue Lions were the lord/house I was least interested in at first. Even after hearing people talk about what the BL goons and Dimitri’s character arc was roughly about, I was still blown away by just how damn fucking good it was, and this route exceeded my expectations in every way possible. 

When playing CF, I struggled to connect with a lot of the beagles; I didn’t have that problem at all with the BL goons and the route does a phenomenal job at making me actually give a shit about these characters and their problems. Childhood friend squad (+Marianne and Ashe) are easily my favourite characters in this game by a landslide, and the dynamic between not only the childhood friend squad, but all the BL goons, was just so, so amazing. Watching these characters that are seemingly joined by a single tragedy, rise above all their suffering as they grow, heal, and overcome hardship together is just so... MY KIDS... MY HEART..... I really got the sense of not only their shared pain, but also shared intimacy, care, and friendship. Their support conversations with each other had everything; from goofy and fun, to soothing and nurturing, to painful and harrowing. 

The connections that the BL goons have to the pre time skip missions gave part 1 story so much more meaning, and it only gets better after the time skip. I really appreciate that the BL bean boys actually feel relevant to the main story, and that their input and opinions actually mattered. The cast’s struggle to come to a consensus on the best course of action during the war phase made them feel like actual people with opinions, unlike in CF, where everyone was just a mindless passenger to Edie’s not so merry joyride. This also made Dimitri’s arc way more impactful because the narrative actually holds him accountable for the consequences that his behavior/poor decisions had on others. What I also really liked about the war phase is that you could just feel how war torn the kingdom was and how much everything went to shit after the time skip. I felt really strongly to the characters’ sense of hopelessness at fighting a losing battle as they struggled to keep their home land in tact while everything just kept spiraling out of control and deteriorating further. 

So to see the BL goon beans slowly, one battle at a time, turn the tide of the war and push back against the corner they were backed in, was SO fulfilling and rewarding. The battle of Fhirdiad is probably my favourite battle in the entire game because it felt like all the suffering and toiling that the BL goons went through was finally worth it, and just watching the kingdom slowly heal after being liberated was just such a good feeling. This kind of payoff is something I think CF sorely lacked, since tbh, I struggled to celebrate Edie’s victories with her. Though I do appreciate how Edie’s a much more threatening antagonistic force than either Dimitri or Rhea were in CF too bad Edelgard’s boss battle was pathetically easy and Dimitri shredded through her armor like swiss cheese... at least Rhea put up a slightly challenging fight.

I could gush about the characters all day, but Dimitri? He makes this game, 100%. This truly felt like his story and he was the star of this route. On a superficial level, I’m a basic bitch as well as a slut for angsty boys who have trouble talking about their trauma because I want them to rail me. I fucking loved his feral personality it was just so fun to watch and interact with LMAO 10/10 would let him use me until the flesh falls from my bones. His dialogue in this state is just so demeaning, belittling and raw that it somehow comes a full circle and becomes charming I promise I’m not a sick masochist.

I’m also a degenerate and dimileth is my otp. The way the relationship between Dimitri and Byleth develops over the game truly felt like a bond forged over time. The way Dimitri admits that he couldn’t trust Byleth at first because he was put off by the way they could “kill without batting an eye”, to being so elated when he sees them smile for the first time that he’s completely mesmerized when they starts expressing emotion... oof, talk about otp material. I think what really sold me is the way he’s their anchor after Jeralt’s death; their emotional support both in a traditional sense, but also in a darker sense when he declares he will kill anyone so they desire it because their enemies are his enemies. Character A declaring they’d die for character B? Soft shit. Character A declaring they’d kill for character B? A+ romance right there, boys. 

On a non superficial level, Dimitri’s character arc of his fall from grace and subsequent redemption was absolutely phenomenal. Just seeing how far he sinks, how far he goes, only to see how far he climbs his way back up after hitting rock bottom, was such a roller coaster and I loved every minute of it. I also probably like revenge stories more than I care to admit. Dimitri has everything; blood lust, cruelty, obsession, but also empathy and compassion so extreme that it’s his very own innate kindness that drives him into insanity, which is what makes him such a compelling character in my eyes. The extremity of his psychosis was absolutely heart breaking, but despite everything, him making the conscious decision to change for the better and rise up to fulfill his role as king was just astounding to watch. 

I will say though... maybe I have a screwed up moral compass but tbh Dimitri brutally killing imperial soldires didn’t really upset me because... this is war??? That he didn’t even start?? Everyone is killing everyone??? Even if he never went feral, he’d still be killing because his bloody kingdom is being invaded?????? But I digress.

While I think just how damn avoidable everything was kind of detracts from the tragedy of his relationship with Edelgard, I still really loved how steadfast and unconditional his love for her was (after he stops going feral), and you can tell just how much she meant to him every time he spoke of her. I also love how the dagger kind of becomes a symbolic motif throughout the story, and Edie throwing the dagger at him in the final cutscene as a sign of her wholehearted rejection of him was just fucking depressing, but also very fitting of her character. 

I adore the whole overarching narrative and themes surrounding grief and death, befitting of a war game. How, as tempting as it is to constantly keep the memory of the dead alive, there comes a point where you have to move on and not let your life be ruled by those no longer around. The way that the characters react to the death of loved ones and grieve so differently was a huge highlight of the BL squad’s characterizations, which just makes them feel more alive and human. Honestly, no words can really describe just how incredible of an experience Azure Moon was.

Anyway my order from favourite to least favourite BL goon bean boys are: Dimitri > Ashe >/= Sylvain >/= Felix > Ingrid > Mercedes > Annette > Dedue. (I love Ashe/Sylvain/Felix almost equally LOL)

tldr my experience with Azure Moon:

tfw my second best girl is childhood friends with all the best boys in the entIRE GAME and she settles for a guy with a dead wife, daughter, and most likely triple her age :|.

I’ll be finally playing Golden Deer next, which I’m gonna do on NG+ Maddening so.... hope that goes well!!

#fire emblem three houses #ellie plays fe3h terribly

[captainillogical]

Devil’s Ballroom Ch.7

A year after the events from the earth’s final attack, Little Homeworld is finally complete, and there’s a new jazz bar where gems and humans mingle and drink. - As you’re typing back a reply, someone pulls the stool out next to you and takes a seat. You see a sliver of pink out of the corner of your eye as you try not to actually Look. Oh god. It’s her. God can’t help us now.

Spinel/Reader

collab with my lovely wife @firstofficertightpants​

ya’ll im sorry lmao

You spend the rest of your evening doing exactly none of the errands that you needed to deal with today. Instead, you're laying on your couch and texting your friends.

         Y/N: I'm so tornnnn.

     Y/N: Do I say something about the cheek smooch?

     Y/N: Should I leave it be?

     Y/N: Because she's texting like nothing happened.

     Y/N: What if I'm reading too much into it??

     Y/N: What if that's just how she shows friendship affection???

     Y/N: I might make it so fucking awkward if I assume something!

     Y/N: This entire ordeal is mortifying!!!

     Y/N: I want nothing more than to dig a big hole and lie in it forever.

     Y/N: I might be low-key having a panic attack about this rn but what's new.

     Harper: Y/N. chill. you're way overreacting to this.

     Harper: even if it meant nothing, she still likes you as a friend right?

     Harper: i think it would take a lot for her to like.. not wanna stay friends lol.

     Alex: im just saying you could probably kiss her and she'd be ok with it

     Alex: cheek kisses are pretty forward

     Harper: don't listen to him. all of his relationships ended in failure.

     Alex: wow

     Alex: im seriously hurt

     Harper: am I wrong?

     Alex: no..

     Harper: my point exactly.

     Harper: i’m not saying you have nothing to lose or anything.

     Harper: because i myself had to tread very carefully with leah..

     Harper: but i think you should just see where it goes and not like

     Harper: put too much emphasis on this incase it was nothing.

     Y/N: Yeah see now you have me worried it WAS nothing!!

     Alex: oh my goooooooddddddddddddddd

     Alex: the both of you approach women so.. pathetically

     Alex: take a risk

     Alex: live a little

     Alex: what is seriously the worst that could happen

     Alex: she kills you??

     Alex: lmao

     Alex: its funny cuz of.. you know

     Harper: i can’t wait to be home and smothering him with a pillow instead of affection.

     Y/N: You and me both.

     Y/N: Try being the only one available to play games with him.

     Alex: both of you fucking love me okay

     Alex: alsooooooo i get to be home the day after tomorrow

     Alex: the alex is back, babieeeeee

     Y/N: Harper please come home I’m BEGGING you.

     Harper: sorry you gotta deal with him alone for another month lmao.

     Y/N: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

     Alex: can i get a fucking crumb of love here please

         You swipe over to the couple of messages Spinel has left you in the past couple of minutes while you were talking to your friends.

         Spinel: It’s another stupid ball, I just found out.

     Spinel: I told her that I’m sitting this one out this time.

     Spinel: She has so many others that would absolutely love to help her, and yet, still absolutely insists that I must be there.

     Spinel: I don’t want to go back to homeworld right now, and not for this.

     Y/N: And you put your foot down? Hell yeah, dude.

     Y/N: Planning a ball for a bunch of gems sounds like a chore anyway.

     Spinel: oh, it is, believe me.

     Spinel: And they need everything to be PERFECT.

     Spinel: Which isn’t realistic anymore now that they don’t expect any of the gems to stay in line with their gem class nowadays.

     Spinel: The last ball they threw almost 4 months ago was utterly chaotic.

     Y/N: For thousands of years y'all as a race never pushed to deviate from the norm, and now that you guys are allowed to? I’d go batshit with it too.

     Y/N: Being stifled in everyday life, and finally you’re free?

     Y/N: Fuck, I’d go around fusing with anyone!

     Spinel: That is precisely what too many of them did.

     Y/N: Lmao. I wish I could’ve seen that.

         You tab back over to your group chat for a moment to see what they’re talking about.

         Harper: see? they’re everywhere.

     Harper: i wasn’t expecting the campsite to have so many.

     Alex: you could have built an army and instead you took pictures

     Alex: do you know how easy it is to lure chipmunks?

     Alex: oh that lil guy on the bottom right is so fucking chunky i love him

     Harper: that’s the one that got the closest when i fed them. :3

     Alex: oh i fuckin BET

     Alex: you dont get that chubby in the wild without takin a few risks

     Alex: if u know what i mean ;)

     Harper: i hate whatever you just implied.

     Y/N: It’s not a conversation with Alex unless you roll your eyes at least 3 times.

     Alex: hey i thought it was 4 times

     Alex: dont insult me

     Alex: anyway, y/n

     Alex: are you workin the day i come back

     Y/N: Yeah I’m actually scheduled a double.

     Alex: scheduled

     Y/N: Yes.

     Alex: a double

     Y/N: Yes.

     Alex: he can’t SCHEDULE you a DOUBLE

     Y/N: He can if he asks me ahead of time as a favor.

     Alex: that fuckin bastard

     Alex: always ruining my plans

     Harper: you’re still mad at him for firing you last summer, huh.

     Alex: OF COURSE I AM

     Y/N: Bro you stole like $300 of cotton candy sugar that summer.

     Y/N: It’s only fair.

     Y/N: Besides, I’m only doing this because he said he’d give me a long weekend for it.

     Alex: kay well

     Alex: i guess i’ll just go bug you at work and wait for you to get off that day :'(

     Y/N: Get me written up again, I swear to god.

         Your phone chimes several times, and you swipe down to see messages from both Spinel and Steven. You check Spinel's first.

         Spinel: Do me a favor and ignore any messages Steven has sent you.

     Y/N: What are you, my boss?

     Spinel: I MEAN IT

         You quickly switch over to Steven's texts.

         Steven: I was going to ask you if your date with Spinel went okay, but I'm assuming it went fine considering she hasn't really stopped talking about you.

         Ohhhh my god, this is wild. You reply to him.

         Y/N: It wasn't a date as far as I know.

     Y/N: I had fun.

     Y/N: She's telling me to not read your messages, lmao.

     Y/N: Also what do you mean she hasn't stopped talking about me??

     Steven: She’s been lying on my floor for the last hour basically gushing about you.

     Steven: But you didn’t hear that from me!

     Steven: :D

     Y/N: Haha thanks, kid.

         You switch back over to text Spinel, and get up off the couch to make yourself some tea. Pulling out your kettle, you turn the stove on and grab some raspberry flavored abomination tea bag that your dad loves more than any of the other good tea flavors.

         Y/N: Sooooo.

     Spinel: You talked to him, didn’t you.

     Y/N: Hahaha noooo. :)

     Spinel: The fuck did he say?

     Y/N: Absolutely nothing.

     Spinel: Seriously? I was sure he’d reveal something embarrassing.

     Y/N: Nope! You should probably get off his floor eventually, though.

         Your kettle goes off and you grab a clean mug, and pour the boiling water into it along with the tea packet. You look down at your phone, and grin.

         Spinel: goddammit.

         You let the bag steep for a little bit, and add in a small amount of sugar. Walking up to your bedroom you take a snap of Jellybean half lounging, half falling off the stairs and send it to Spinel. She replies with a couple heart emojis, and you wonder if Steven was the one to show her the proper use of them. You set your cup of tea down on your desk, and turn your computer on. It’s evening now, and it’s much too late to do anything left with the rest of your day productivity-wise, so you settle in on playing more minecraft. Your thoughts wander quite a bit, and you find yourself stuck on thinking about Spinel. Naturally. You wonder about a lot of things she’s learned while staying on earth, from things like - does she pay rent? Does she have a job? Does she know what taxes are? Does she know what a relationship with a human looks like? She said she watched a movie, but didn’t exactly elaborate. You don’t know what human-norms she’s been exposed to. You can’t even concentrate enough to mine any of this redstone for Alex, and you nearly die in-game when the thought of ‘does she know what sex is?’ pops into your mind. You grab your phone and shoot Spinel another message.

         Y/N: Quick question.

     Y/N: If you don’t mind me asking.

         It takes her a few minutes to reply.

         Spinel: Sure?

     Y/N: Do you know how humans are made?

     Spinel: w

     Spinel: Yes?

     Spinel: Steven told me about it a few weeks ago actually.

     Spinel: Why are you asking?

     Y/N: No reason! Just curious is all.

     Spinel: Hm.

         Yeah you’re not too confident that she actually knows, and you’re too chickenshit to elaborate right now. You’ll enlighten her later. You spend the rest of the night browsing memes on your phone, and texting your friends and Spinel on occasion. Before you know it, your eyes drift close with your phone in hand.

     You wake up when your alarm goes off for your morning shift, and curse at yourself for not charging it last night. It’s at a solid 32%, which isn’t really enough to go about your day, but you’ll have to make do. You get ready for a hopefully not shitty day, lock up the house, and head in to work.

     It’s a complete shitshow when you come in, and you turn your phone off to save battery and concentrate on dealing with more than an average amount of tourists. You find Mr. Smiley sleeping in the breakroom/office/supply closet, and have half a mind to lock him in there from the outside for the rest of your shift. It’s pretty busy, and messy, and it isn’t until you’re there for several exhausting hours that you finally have enough time for a break. You turn your phone on, and instantly you’re flooded with messages from several different people. Ugh.

           A couple from your dad - just checking in, really. Group chat too as usual, but none of it seems overly important. One from Spinel, and several from Steven. You open up Spinel’s message first.

         Spinel: Do you think we could talk about a couple of things later?

         Vague, and a little concerning. You text back an apology for getting back to her so late, and open the messages from Steven.

         Steven: Hey are you busy?

     Steven: I’m dealing with a bit of a situation right now, and could use your help.

     Steven: Spinel locked herself in my bathroom, and she won’t come out.

     Steven: She refuses to answer to anyone, and several of us have tried.

     Steven: I’m just really worried about her, and you guys seemed to bond, so I was hoping..

     Steven: That maybe you could come over?

     Steven: Thanks regardless.

         You check the timestamp, and that was over an hour ago. Jesus christ.

         Y/N: Steven I’m so sorry, my phone was off and I’m at work, give me a few and I’ll be right over, okay?

     Y/N: I’ll be quick.

         He replies almost immediately with a “please” and you pocket your phone. You try not to worry too hard about Spinel as you rush over to grab your things, and knock on Mr. Smiley’s office/broom closet door. He opens it groggily, clearly just waking up.

     “Yeah?” he slowly blinks at you.

     “I gotta leave early. Emergency.” You stare at him, trying to not be pissed at his lack of work ethic.

     “Are you for real? You’ve got another 3 hours left.” He says and crosses his arms, and you glare at him.

     “I’ve been working my ass off while you’ve been sleeping this whole time, AND I’m covering your ass tomorrow so you can go meet your old friend! So the LEAST you can do is let me go early when I have an emergency!!!” You almost yell out at him, and he holds his hands up in defense.

     “Okay, okay! Fine. Only because you’re a good worker.” He says, and has the gall to look at least a little ashamed of himself.

     “Damn right I am.” You spin around and head out of the building, practically running.

     You almost trip and bite it several times on the way over to Steven’s place, but you’re more worried about Spinel. You’ve only been to his place twice, but once you’re there you run up the stairs and open the door without knocking. You’re greeted by the only two people in the living room, Pearl, and Steven.

         “Oh, she’s here!” Pearl says and nudges Steven, who looks up from typing on his phone.

     “Y/N! Thank god you’re here.” He says with furrowed eyebrows.

     “What happened?” You say and shut the door, and cross the room over to him.

     “I’m not sure! We were just working on something together for Amethyst, and she got a call from Blue and Yellow. She’s been ignoring them lately, and they’ve been bothering me in turn because of that, so I asked her to take the call just see what they want.” He runs his hand through his brown curls, and just for a moment, you see that 12 year old him in again. The obvious stress masks just how young he really is, and you feel bad that he can’t live life like a normal kid. “She went outside to take the call, and was out there for quite a while. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but I did hear some yelling. And just when I was going over to make sure they were alright, she comes back in tears, eyes spiraling like months ago, and nearly knocks Pearl over rushing into the bathroom.”

     “And nothing since?” You inquire, fidgeting with your hands.

     “No,” He says, frustratedly. “I’ve been trying to reach the diamonds to see what this is all about, but I’ve only been getting the pearls. I don��t know what to do. She hasn’t been like this in months. What were they talking about to make her this upset?”

     “Maybe I can find out. You said she’s in your bathroom?” You raise an eyebrow at him.

     “Yeah, the one right over here.” He says and points to it.

     “Is it locked?” You ask.

     “No,” Pearl glances towards the bathroom door and crosses her arms. “The lock has been broken on it for a while, since Peridot joined us actually. Both Garnet and I tried opening it, but I think once Spinel hears someone trying to come in she blocks the door.”

     Hm.

     “I’m gonna try something, but you guys are gonna wanna stay away.” You say to the two of them. “I don’t want to overwhelm her with more than one person.”

     “Let us know if we can do anything?” Steven makes to pass by you and gives your arm a light squeeze. “And thanks for coming to help.”

     “Anytime, dude.” You give him a half smile, and walk over to his bathroom. You turn to take a look back at the other two, and they’re already in the kitchen discussing something in soft tones. You move to knock at the door, make two light taps against the frame, and wait for an answer.

     A couple seconds pass, and nothing. Not even any movement. Nervously, you knock again, a little louder this time, and wait for a good ten seconds.

     Still nothing.

     You take a deep breath, reach out to grab the door handle, and very slowly and quietly open the bathroom door. You see nothing but absolute darkness, and step in. You feel around the wall to your right and flip a switch just as you close the door behind you with an audible click. The room instantly floods with the dark red light of the heat lamp, and before you can even think about finding another light source, you find yourself slammed up against the wall and let out a surprised yelp. You open your eyes to see Spinel’s face inches from yours, pupils wild, her hands splayed against your shoulders.

     “U-um,” Your voice cracks a little. “Hey.”

     You watch her eyes take a second to find yours, and almost instantly, she lets you go, arms trembling.

     “W.. what are YOU DOING HERE!?” She cries, large tears pouring down her face, eyebrows raised in confusion, mouth trembling. Her hair is in loose pigtails, strands untamed around her face, cheeks stained with tear tracks. She looks like a mess, and your heart breaks, just a little. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt y-”

     “I’m fine.” You cut her off. “I should have said who it was outside the door, I’m sorry. And um.. Steven texted me while I was at work, and told me what was going on so I rushed over..” You trail off as you watch Spinel’s entire body shake, and she covers her face with both of her hands.

     “I can’t believe I just did that.” You hear her wavering voice, muffled behind her fists, and she lets out a choked sob. “Maybe they were right. M-maybe I’m not meant to-” She quickly moves her hands down to look at the floor with wide, vulnerable eyes, and struggles to form the rest of her words. You hear her breathing pick up pace, and you’re starting to realize she’s hyperventilating.

     “Spinel, look at me.” Her eyes shoot up to yours, lips trembling. “I need you to breathe.” You do what your friends have always done with you, and gently grab both of her hands and hold them with yours, thumbs stroking her palms in slow circles. She freezes up instantly, and you’re about to panic, because while a familiar touch helps ground you, you register that maybe it’ll make it worse for her. But before you can pull your hands away, her hands relax ever so slightly, and she lets out a shaky breath. “Good. Just like that.” You motion for her to follow your breathing inverals, and she copies you, hands still shaking in yours.

     It’s been a while since you’ve had to deal with something like this, but you’re thankful for having similar life experiences. After a solid minute or two of this her breathing is back to a normal pace, but she’s still crying, and now not meeting your eyes. Almost like she’s avoiding them.

     “Look, I.. I don’t know what happened with you and the diamonds, but you can talk to me about it if you’d like. No pressure, though.” You give her hands a small squeeze, and she whimpers, looking up to meet your gaze. Tears are still actively streaming down her face, and you have no idea how to make any of this better. It physically hurts you to see her like this.

     “C-can I not talk about it? I don’t think I’m ready..” She pulls a hand from yours, and wipes at her face. She just kind of smeared half of her face with wetness, and she looks miserable.

     “You don’t have to talk about anything, Spinel.” You look at her, making sure she sees it in your eyes. You slowly let go of her other hand, and hold your arms out in a silent question instead. Her mouth opens slightly, the red glow of the light around her making her look extremely vulnerable and soft, and she looks at your open arms with a blank face for a moment before understanding. Almost instantaneously, she throws herself against you and wraps her arms around your shoulders, shoving her face into the cradle of your neck. You envelop your arms around her tightly, giving her sides a squeeze, and you feel her start to shake again.

     She lets out an unsteady sigh, and hiccups out another small sob. You pull her to lean fully against you as you stand there, bracing your back against the bathroom door. She lets you maneuver her, and you rest the side of your face against her temple while she cries. You resign yourself to letting her cry on you until she’s done, if she needs to.

       You feel her sniffle against your neck, and try not to mind that she’s getting your shirt soaked. You give her back a few gentle rubs, feeling her body quiver against yours as she’s trying to control her choked breathing. You’re not really counting the minutes, as right now you’re currently having way too many rampant thoughts about what the fuck the diamonds could’ve said to her. You’re mad as hell, honestly, and if you could say shit to them, you would in a heartbeat. You don’t want to make anything worse for her though, as much as you want to steal her phone and video call them to curse them out. It takes a few more minutes, but eventually her crying dies down, and you feel her breathing even out. Slowly, she dislodges her arms from twisting around you two, and you feel a sigh, her breath hot against your neck. You do your best to school your facial expression as you’re realize just how close you are to her, and she pulls her face from its resting position to look at you. She looks awful.

       “U-um,” She lifts up her hand to attempt to wipe her face, failing to rub half the tears away. “I don’t really want to go out there yet..”

       “You don’t have to.” You say, quietly. “I can leave if you’d like some quiet to yourself.” Her face looks panicked for a second, and she grabs your wrist.

       “Please don’t leave me.” She says, voice wavering again. You try not to let your heart shatter at her tone.

     “I won’t if you want me here.” You say, and sigh softly. “Here, hold on a second.”

     She lets your wrist go as you move slightly over to the sink, turn the hot water on, and grab a clean hand towel from the counter. You soak it in water, and squeeze out all the excess. Towel in hand, you turn back to her, and she’s looking at you cautiously. You lift the towel slightly, motioning to her face.

     “May I?” You ask, and she nods slightly.

     Tenderly, you brush a couple strands of hair away from her face, grasp her chin with your left hand and pull her forward, gently pressing the towel to her cheek. She closes her eyes, and her shoulders sag a little as she lets you dab at her face, cleaning her of any tear stain marks. She sighs into your touch, and it strikes you that it would be so easy to just.. lean in and kiss her.

       Your brain almost short circuits and you snap your thoughts back to reality. There’s a time and place for everything. This is not the time, nor the place.

       Once you’re satisfied that she looks a lot better than before, you pull your hands away to toss the rag in the sink, and Spinel, for a brief moment, looks disappointed that you had stopped. Which.. kind of gives you an idea.

       “Can I try something? Harper used to do this thing with me when I.. had similar breakdowns.” You ask her. She raises her eyebrow in response, clearly exhausted from crying so much. “Here.” You say, and take her hand and lead her over to the rim of the bathtub. You sit down on the edge, and motion for her to sit in front of you on the floor. She takes a seat in front of you, still confused, but obeys nonetheless. “Can I touch you?” You ask her, watching her face to make sure she’s alright.

       She looks up at you, the red light in the room flooding the entirety of her face, making her hair darker, and the whites of her eyes a bit more dramatic.

     “Yeah.” She says in reply, voice tired.

     You reach out to her hair, and stop for a moment.

     “Can I have you face the other direction, actually? Come over here.” You move to open your knees, making enough room for Spinel to turn around and lean against the bathtub. She’s close to you again.

     “What are you..” She trails off as you start to take the hair ties out of her pigtails, one after the other. It takes a second, as it’s a bit tangled, but you manage to get both out, and let her hair fall down. You comb out her hair with your fingers, gently, and she sighs audibly while leaning into your touch. You run your short nails along her scalp, scratching and massaging as you smooth out her hair, attempting to pull all the tangles out.

     “Touch used to calm me down, and Harper was really good at it, honestly.” You say while pulling out a particularly difficult tangle without hurting her. Her hair is long like this, and you like it. You wish you could grow your hair this long, but it’s kind of a pain to deal with, and the longest you’ve ever had yours wasn’t even to your mid back, you think to yourself. “Sometimes she’d give me shoulder and neck massages, but I preferred that she’d just play with my hair. There’s just something different about another person touching your hair.”

     “I kind of get what you mean.” She says, tiredly.

     “Can I braid your hair?” You lean closer to look at her face.

     “Do what you want.” She says, looking fairly relaxed.

     “Cool. Anyway, while Harper was good at that, Alex, on the other hand, was just terrible at any kind of physical comfort. He’s genuine, and he tries, but he’s an idiot. He’s a lot better at distractions, for the most part.” You run your fingers through her hair one more time, before starting to separate her hair into three parts for a french braid. “He’s funny, and comes from a large family, so he always has stories and jokes. Whenever I’d have a panic attack, those two were always so good about being there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without them.”

     You notice that Spinel‘s shoulders have lost most of the tension in them, and you’re secretly relieved. You keep talking to fill the quietness around you two, because you’ve always hated the quiet during moments like these. Your friends aren’t here, so it’s up to you to make up for it.

     “It was kind of hard, at first though,” You say, and start looping the chunks of hair around your fingers, starting at the top of her head. “Because for a while there, back when I was 16 and dealing with the worst of my abandonment issues, I clung onto Harper like a baby koala. I had this super weird crush on her even though we had been friends since we were practically babies. I think I idolized her because she was just.. good to me.” You accidentally tug a little too hard on a strand of hair, wince and utter an apology while massaging the spot on her scalp. “I’m glad that didn’t ruin our friendship, but for a while there I really pushed my feelings onto her, which was kinda fucked up on my part.”

     “Hm..” Spinel mumbles. “I kind of had a thing for Pink, I think. Which ended up screwing with me even more after what she did.” You stare at the back of her head and pause your hands for a second. Huh. Yeah, you had a hunch.

     “If she were still alive, I’d punch her in the face for you, I hope you know.” You state, in full seriousness. This gets the first chuckle that you’ve heard from her today, and you’re secretly overjoyed.

     “I’d pay to watch that.” She says, and you laugh out loud. You see her smile, just barely.

     “So,” You continue, with both your hands and conversation. “A week or so after my 17th birthday, right after Harper talked to me about this guy at school that she liked, I confess to her. And not like a, ‘oh hey, you’re my best friend and I really like you’ kind of way, either. It was more like a, ‘have a mental breakdown over your best friend liking someone else and make them feel like shit about it on your walk home from school’ kind of confession.” Your hands reach the nape of her neck now, braid mostly done on her head, but you’ve got around another 20 inches of length before being finished.

     “Harper avoided me for nearly a week after that. I was absolutely pathetic, and inconsolable. Alex was fed up with my shit after a few days, and nearly slapped me over it. He would’ve been in the right, doing so, honestly. I was a selfish asshole who only thought about her own feelings, and not about her best friends.” Your eyes drift to Spinel’s face, and her eyes are closed, eyebrows unfurrowed.

     “Anyway,” You’re nearly done with the entire braid now. “She did end up forgiving me. Thankfully. I don’t know what I’d do if it were my fault that I’d split up our friend group.” You pick up the discarded hair tie from earlier, and tie it around the end of the braid.

     “I’m all done, by the way.” You say to her. She opens her eyes tentatively, and she looks sleepy. You stand up, and stretch your back. She also gets up on wobbly legs, and turns to look at you.

     “Um.” She’s avoiding your eyes. “Thank you. For this.” She’s twisting her hands together, nervously. You lean your face closer to get at eye-level with her.

     “Anytime.. and for the record, you look really cute in a braid.” You say and smile, giving her a cheeky wink. You watch her entire face from the neck up turn bright red, and think that you could probably do this forever, and never get tired. She gives you a noncommittal grunt, halfheartedly smacks your arm and you grin at her.

     You hear a quiet knock at the door, and look over to Spinel. She shrugs, so I guess it’s okay now.

     “You can come in!” You say to the door. It opens slowly, and you see Steven peek his head in.

     “Um.. are we okay?” He asks, clearly very worried about her.

     “I’ll be okay.” She says, and you think that maybe she should lay down and sleep. You verbalize this immediately.

     “Spinel. I think you should go take a nap.” You look at her, and she blinks at you. “I’m serious.”

     “She’s kind of right.” Steven says in agreement with you. Spinel gives the both of you a shrug, and even that seems like it’s taking a lot out of her.

     “Okay.” She says, and turns to walk out of the bathroom. Steven opens the door wider, and you can see Pearl in the kitchen leaning against the counter, trying to not seem like she’s intently watching all of you.

     Spinel makes her way over to the couch and takes a seat, sitting up rigidly. You walk over to her to make sure she’s okay before you leave for home.

     “You know you can text me, right? And if you need me, I’ll be available. I’ll leave my volume turned on.” She gives you a nod. “Oh, and.. take this,” You say, and pull off the pullover hoodie you’re wearing right now, and hand it over to her. “Alex used to let me wear his oversized sweaters, and they used to help me sleep, so..”

     She tentatively reaches out, and takes it from your hands.

     “Thanks.” She says, and gives you a small smile. With her hair pulled back like this she almost looks human, for a fleeting moment. You sometimes forget she’s a gem. You return the smile back at her, and turn around to leave.

     After grabbing your bag that you set down earlier from beside the couch, you head over to the front door and open it. Shouldering the bag, you start to shut the door and see Steven behind you. He closes the door behind him, his face searching yours for something you don’t quite know.

     “I don’t know what you did, but thank you.” He says, completely genuine.

     “You don’t have to thank me. I’d do it for you, too, you know.” You say to him, and he smiles.

     “That’s why I like you, Y/N. You’re sweet.”

     “Yeahhhh, don’t tell anyone, though. You’ll ruin my reputation.” You smirk, giving him the side-eye. He laughs and pats your back.

     “Ohhhhhh no! Whatever will you do!?” He rolls his eyes in jest. “Get home safe, okay?”

     “No promises.” You reply, and jump down his steps, two at a time.  

     It doesn’t take you long to get home, and you’re pretty tired yourself. You make yourself busy by preparing dinner, cleaning the kitchen a little, and calling your dad for another check-in. Before you know it, it’s nearly 11, and you need to sleep for your double shift tomorrow that you almost forgot about. You’re laying in bed browsing social media before drifting off, and you receive a text from Spinel. You swipe down and open the message.

         Spinel: Thanks again for today.

     Spinel: I baked some new cookies with Steven, and would like to give you some tomorrow if that’s okay?

         You smile to yourself. Ughhhhhhhh, you’re catching the feelings disease, and you swat the air around you like it somehow physically manifested around you.

         Y/N: I work literally all day, but feel free to stop by and give them to me.

     Y/N: Then I get to see a pretty familiar face to break up all the lame tourists.

     Y/N: Cuz that sounds super nice. ;)

     Spinel: I’ll see you tomorrow, then.

         She didn’t react to your obvious teasing, but you won’t let that discourage you. You fall asleep thinking of the many different ways you can poke fun at her, and this time, you charge your phone.

     You wake up the next morning feeling well-rested for once, and get ready for work. Alex has sent you a couple texts about when his flight will arrive, and when he’ll roughly come to meet you. Sometime around 4pm, apparently. You shoot Spinel a good morning text, and she replies almost instantly with the same, which makes you smile.

     You head to work, texting your group chat about what happened yesterday with Spinel, and give them basically all the details. Alex makes fun of you for a bit, so you curse him out and pocket your phone as you clock in. Today’s going to suck, but you’ve got a few things to look forward to.

     You make it a couple hours into your shift before you finally get a break, and Spinel texts you that she’ll drop by sometime in the afternoon once she’s done helping Bismuth with something. God you hope it’s not when Alex gets here, because you are so not fucking ready for that interaction. You eat your lunch and pray to any god out there that you could have one more day of peace.

     You’re outside the main building repairing a couple parts on the carousel, ignoring the bulk of the tourists to focus on work. You don’t realize that quite a while has passed by, because someone walks up to you as you’ve got your head in a small door, and kicks you slightly on your ass. You jolt and bump your head against the opening, and you hear Alex burst out into laughter as you groan in pain.

     God fucking dammit, this guy. You pull your head out to glare at him, screwdriver pointing at him threateningly.

     “Do you want this up your ass? Because I can do that.” You say to him, and he laughs even harder. You roll your eyes at him.

     “Don’t promise me with a good time, Y/N.” He says, and you stand up to smack him.

     “I don’t think the pointy end would be a good time, idiot.” You deadpan stare at him. He grins.

     “You don’t know what I’m into.” He shrugs, and flips his hair dramatically. You hate that he’s stupid and charming, and you love him so much.

     “I know I haven’t seen you in 2 months, but like, I feel like you’ve grown taller?” You stare at him, a little mournfully. You’re the shortest one out of your friends, and you’re of average height. He also seems.. handsomer. You think he definitely got a lot more tan. He’s definitely grown into his looks, his dark curly hair and recently shaved face making him look older than you’re used to.

     “I don’t think I did, but I think you’ve grown shorter.” He laughs obnoxiously, and you smack his arm again, which makes him laugh harder.

     “You’re so mean to me, like all the time. Why do I love you?” You cross your arms and pout, because you know it gets a rise out of him.

     “Youuuuuuu knowww, because I’m just so loveable and gorgeous and the smartest one in the group??” He flutters his eyelashes at you like he thinks he’s cute.

     “Wow, you are none of these things.” You reply, smirking at him. He puts his hand over his heart in mock offense.

     “Y/N, I’m offended. I’ve been here for like, five minutes, and I’ve received absolutely no affection from you. If I don’t get love, I will wilt and die. Do you want to be responsible for my death?” He opens his arms wide, and you roll your eyes dramatically, and stand there.

     “We’re not doing this in public.” You say, standing your ground.

     “Ohhh, YES we are, Y/N.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “Prepare yourself for the onslaught.”

     You take a couple steps back, prepared to run. He grabs your arms, wraps his around your torso, and picks you up, swinging you around.

     “Nooooooooooooooooo!!” You cry. “Put me down you oaf!”

     “No! I want love!” He all but shouts, and spins you around. He grabs your cheek with one hand and starts giving you big ‘ol smooches all over your face, and you’re giggling and trying to push him away, when you hear something drop and spill on the pavement a good twenty feet from you. You look up.

     It’s Spinel.

       Her face is twisted with heartbreak, and before you can even speak up, she bolts.

       You look down, and see the cookies she made you scattered on the ground.

#spinel x reader #spinel #su #steven universe #spinel self insert #fic #my fic #devils ballroom #look. im not sorry yall. i promise next chapter youll get what u want LMFAO

[tfw-no-tennis]

hunter x hunter thotz so far

soooo ruth and i started watching hunter x hunter woohoo finally! we’re like 10 or so eps in so i decided to collect some thots below on what i think so far (i havent rlly been spoiled so im interested to look back on this once ive watched more)

first off i love gon sm, hes immediately so endearing...hes just a baby!!!! just a little baby boy!!!! hes just so cute and good, im so not ready for him to get put thru the wringer later on as ive vaguely heard happens

the first few episodes were really fast paced which i enjoyed and thought was for the best. the characters came thru really strongly and i feel like we heard juuuust enough about the setting, premise, and what a hunter is 

i wasnt expecting leorio and kurapika to show up in the FIRST EP lmao that surprised me. i love so much how the three of them like IMMEDIATELY became a family unit in like 3 eps lmaoooo it was like ok here are 2 parents and their son bam. also leorio and kurapika having a showdown on the boat (which didnt end up happening) was a wild ride 

i have like zero fucking idea what a hunter is and the more they attempt to explain the more confused i get. its honestly kind of hilarious how little sense it makes. to be clear this doesnt detract from my enjoyment of the show at all (if anything it adds to it)

oh my god fuckgin hisoka is the worst he hasnt done much but i hate him so much already. good villain writing/design so far, hes so hateable

ruth every time hisoka shows up: WE HATE UR PUSSY BIIIITCH 

the character design in this show is....a lot lmao. ruth and i decided its a cross between soul eater, jojo, and one piece in terms of aesthetic. the designs are certainly unique and so many of them are just so ugly hvbjafdbdskgs it reminds me of that post thats like ‘masterpost of jojo characters who look busted as shit’ lmao

i already love this show a lot tbh like the way its structured so far has been kinda atypical for a shounen, at least in terms of fights - we really havent seen a lot of fighting yet. also nen hasnt shown up yet and its reminding me of stands not becoming a thing in jojo until p3 lmao 

anyways in litrally ep1 i already loved the 3 main characters we saw...leorio is a wild dude, i love him sm, especially as a fellow medical binch who wants MONEY. like, thats literally me. and kurapika is also wild, like damn they rlly just dropped their backstory in ep 1 huh. like we rlly are jumping right into this 

also when leorio said he was a teenager i was like WHAT???? just like evryone else which YEA omfg. i cant believe hes that young lmao. kurapika too

so leorio is one of those 19 yr olds who looks 40 and kurapika is the type of teen who looks like a 12 yr old

and KILLUA i love him sm also....hes an adorable assassin catboy and hes perfect. i love how quickly he and gon hit it off (tiny bfs.....) and how hes just like, this extra as hell 12 yr old with a SKATEBOARD and ASSASSIN SKILLS and then he sees gon and is like guess im gonna fall in love 

i gotta talk abt gon again i just love him. hes so polite and cute and kind and good, i just love him...wht a good protag. his motivation is just wild too, hes like well my dad abandoned me to go off and be a hunter (which he isnt even mad abt, what a nice lad) so im gonna do that to see what the deal is

i love how gon (just like the audience) doesnt really know what a hunter does/is and just goes into the exam totally blind lmao. also the fact that his skills seem to include jumping good, being speedy, having the energy typical of a 12 yr old, being a weather sniffer, being nice, and having good instincts/constitution as a result of having eaten random grass and forest shit growing up...amazing. 

is this gonna turn out to be one of those things where its like, wow theyve been using nen this whole time without realizing! tht would honestly explain a lot lmao 

i really enjoy how like....semi-normal the power levels are rn? while also being all over the place and wack as fucks obvs (like hisoka dissolving that guys arms in his first appearance was A Lot, as well as all the card stuff hes done..). like the part wher that blue guys (evil franky one piece) punches the ground and it leaves a crater and everyones like !!!! wow wtf thats unnatural! that literally threw me off bc that kinda thing is so normal in anime lmaoooo. but i like that thats the starting point bc it leaves a lot of room for power escalation w/out it getting too out of hand 

specifially our protags are starting out pretty low on the Shounen Badass scale - especially gon (and leorio, tho i kinda predict he wont be as fight-y? what with him being premed)

i find it kinda hilarious how killua hasnt done too much (aside from murdering those 2 randos in like half a second) despite being so clearly skilled...like when they have to do the 5v5 fight thing in the tower, i wouldve thought hed be the first up cause hes so badass but nope

actually thats what i find interesting - i was expecting all 5 (or maybe 4, we’re in the middle of leorio’s ‘fight’) of the fights to be physical smackdowns but so far nope, theyve been very cerebral. that bodes well, w/how smart the fights have been, bc i doubt the fights will get stale tht way 

tho they might be kinda frustrating sometimes - there are times when u DO just wanna see a good ole fashioned shounen beatdown yknow. but we do get enough of that now (and im sure we’ll get plenty more) to satisfy (like kurapika decking fake-franky) 

oh also the opening. its so charming and cute and i love the song...its also so hilariously basic and classic - like one of those typical 2000s anime openings where theres stock run cycles of all the main characters and theres a little animation of all the characters fighting together (and that fight doesnt actually happen, its just for the op) 

also love that leorios the only one who doesnt fight in the OP, instead getting saved from death by gon lmao. im curious if he’ll end up fighting at all (i assume a little?) and if he’ll use nen (probably healing type nen?) 

also i already wanna fistfight ging for abandoning his perfect angel son. also leorio is literally gons dad already, they even look alike wow 

that guy hanzo has done basically 0 things so far but i rlly like him already, im curious if thatll change. also sorry for calling u ‘hanzo overwatch!?!?!?!’ upon first viewing my guy 

tonpa is str8 up so annoying pls leave u pathetic loser 

tho it cracked me up when he and Evil Mr Clean were facing off and starting getting all detailed/shaded and i was like o shit is he actually badass. are we abt to see like a nen battle or st. but no....lmaooo

i found it interesting that leorio didnt really admit to wanting to be a dr at first...hes such a good dude, he kinda just let kurapika think that his motives were superficial and greedy when in actuality theyre selfless

also wanting to be rich can be a rlly interesting character motivation and i love when its done right

oh my god i cant believe it took me this long to mention the hilariously edge ED....like holy shit, its so 2000s, the song sounds like its been re-recorded like 40000 times bc of how bad the audio quality is, or something, idk how to describe music but its hilariously specific in tone and its rlly funny to see shots of the main characters smiling while this screamo whatever plays in the bg....wow. 

also s/o to killua for being king of edgy with that ‘tear of blood’ shot

i rlly like how much of the plot, especially the early hunter exam stuff, is moved along simply by gon being a good kind polite boy. 

love the fact that he and leorio and kurapika (and later killua) all team up without even saying anything...i love that, most shounen would have them be like ‘che, i cant team up with anyone, i have to prove myself ALONE or my victory wont be EARNED’ or w/e idk. who knows that might happen later but rn i love how they all effortlessly work together (and how they all contribute - without each other they would have all failed at different points) 

oh man also killuas first appearence was so funny when he drank a bunch of tonpas poisoned drinks and was like [smirks] tch, loser, im immune to poison. get dunked on. [skateboard away] i love him so fuckgin much 

omfg that part where killua looks all shoujo/kawaii and is talking abt how hes gonna kill his family or w/e and gon is just like ^_^? i love they

HOOOOLY FUCK I ALMOST FORGOT, BUT 65% OF THE REASON I MADE THIS POST WAS TO MENTION HISOKAS THEME LMAOOOOO his music being like fuckgin, spanish guitar/traditional mexican type music is sooooo goddamn funny to me for some reason, like the first time it played i was like ok whats going ON with this spanish guitar lmao but then i figured out that its his theme and god thats so funny 

hisoka is also so fuckign jojo like he could so easily be in jojo. he and dio would be the fakest best friends ever and would constantly try to kill each other on the lowdown and shittalk each other constantly in private but be super sweet to each others faces. also they would hatefuck. no im not taking criticism bye 

i rlly love everyones backstories also, and i find it interesting that weve gotten to hear/see at least some of all 4 of the MCs backstories. theyre all compelling and interesting and i cant wait to dive in further 

also calling it now but kurapika is totally gonna get way too absorbed in revenge and get fucked up/disregard their own life (maybe in the style of robin in one piece?) we’ll see but i feel like it aint gonna end well. i could be wrong, i really havent been spoiled at all, thats just my guess 

hbahjfbshjf the ep that was called ‘hisoka x is x sneaky’ was SO funny that reads like a dora the explorer ep title 

also i had no idea the ep titles were formatted like that w/the x’s and thats rlly funny 

ok but the part where leorio - who seems to be pretty bad at fighting - tries to fight hisoka - whose literal first appearence involved him effortlessly dissolving a dudes arms - is so fucking funny. leorio rlly b a premed w/no brain cells....same bro. 

also i loved the Cutthroat Kitchen portion of the hunter exam and how not a single contestant was any good at it lmaoooo. do they not have the cooking channel in hxh-verse earth 

ok i love how the main characters are all intuitive in different ways depending on their own skills, like how killua can immediately guess that kurapika has never killed anyone before after they didnt kill evil-franky

kurapika joined killua in the Edgy Corner during that part also. like, they both have legit reasons to be edgy, but the shots of kurapika sitting in the darker tunnel part was kinda funny

also killua, a literal 12 yr old, calling out kurapika for being a murder virgin was pretty hilarious 

ok also i didnt know that madhouse animated hxh which is rlly funny but w/e i love the animation especially the occasional chibi parts and the facial expressions (like killuas ‘i love murder’ catboy expressions) 

oh also when killua murdered those 2 guys and his hand was all vein-y and his nails were pointy, his hands looked like hisokas do...i wonder if thats a legit connection or it hisoka just b getting his nails did 

kurapika talking abt how even seeing a regular spider makes them rlly angry was both very sad and kinda funny. kura u have so many issues god bless 

kurapikas smackdown on evil blue franky was fuckin dope tho. and the red eyes reveal was SPOICY 

rlly love how the individual fights highlights the characters strengths/morals/motivations/whatever....the writing is already really strong tbh 

ugh ok ive ranted enough this is a Lot lmao its so disorganized but w/e 

basically i love this series so far and im rlly curious whatll happen next. also everything seems pretty chill and upbeat so far (relatively) and i know this shit gets dark and im NOT FUCKING READY. 

til next timeeee

#i think readmores are broken? sometimes? anyways i hope thats not the case and if so then im sorry everyone #im gonna schedule this for like 3 am this is just for me to ramble lmao #anyways i need a tag #uhhh #lj watches hxh #hxh #bam there we go

[malafight]

Long-Ass Life Update (I’m not dead!)

Finally a life update now that I’m back home. It’s been a painful and tiring couple of weeks :’) And actually some of the days/times might be off because I was like super fucking out of it for most of that time period.

Anyhow, I went to the ER on Friday the 1st after 3 days of severe stomach pain, and the local hospital is like notoriously shitty but I was in horrible pain ok

They actually took me seriously for once, took me back immediately, ekg, ultrasound, blood and piss tests, and told me from the start not to eat or drink anything.

They told me they found gallstones and one or more might be stuck in the bile duct, but they made it sound like it wasnt inflamed and there werent many, so I wasnt super worried? They sent me for an MRI and then told me that they didnt have the capability to get out any stones, so they sent my ass an hour away via ambulance to a much better hospital so they could do the probe thing they needed to. It took until Saturday night to get a room there, though, and they didnt know when I’d get there and since they figured theyd want to do the probe ASAP, I was kept completely without eating or drinking for all of Friday night and Saturday, after not eating more than a few bites of muffin on Friday and next to nothing Thursday either because Everything Hurt.

Also, Fentanyl is fucking magic. Thats the only thing that even vaguely touched the pain.

So anyhow, I get to the other hospital at fuck o’clock at night and God Damn Staved because, like I said, bitches gave me No Fucking Food for an entire day (I’m not kidding that hospital is horrible and has a horrible reputation for ending up with killing people or making situations worse but the next nearest hospitals are an hour away in different directions and I don’t often have anyone willing to drive me that far and I often don’t feel up to driving myself that far if I’m already at “need to go to the ER, fuck the money I don’t have” point, and Saer has only just gotten into the USA and the last time they came with me to the ER they ended up with a virus for like three weeks and I wasn’t gonna do that to them again!!) and finally when I got to that hospital they were like “yeah we won’t be able to do the probe until Monday so eat something and then tomorrow you’re on a liquid diet and then nothing by mouth after midnight” so they scrounged me up some chicken broth and orange juice at like ten o’clock at night and gave me Those Good Good Meds and I slept in a decent hospital bed instead of on a fucking ER bed like Friday night (since they were transferring me at the local hospital they didn’t admit me and I slept in the ER. yeah. i hurt too badly to sleep on my side even with pain meds, and I slept on an ER bed. I had to sleep all day Saturday on and off just to get vaguely rested, but honestly? this whole ordeal has been an adventure in sleep deprivation despite heavy sedatives)

Monday rolls around and they take me for the ERCP (iirc thats what it was) where they put a thing down my throat and cut the bile duct wider so the stone could pass, get that bitch cleared up, all is well. I was heavily sedated and remember none of it, just waking up with different pain in my stomach and the world’s worst sore throat.

I was on a liquid diet from that and until the extraction on Wednesday. I have drank my weight in broth and orange juice.

Wednesday they take me in to remove my gallbladder. It was supposed to be a simple laparoscopic procedure, nip it out, pull it, I go home in a couple days with a couple small cuts on my belly. My dad (and several other people) reassured me that it was routine and quick, and is an easy procedure that should take 2 hours at most. I told him, “Listen, with me, literally nothing is ever easy and you know that”

Fast forward to me waking up and my first thought is “is that a catheter? guess it didnt go so easy after all.” I’m pretty sure the first words I said as I woke up were “told you it wouldnt be easy” lmao

Remember how hospital #1 told me that my gallbladder wasn’t inflamed and there were only a couple gallstones?

It was chock goddamn full of gallstones and so inflamed that when they tried to get it out laparoscopically, it tore. He spent an hour trying to get it out that way safely before realizing that his only recourse is to cut me open and get it out that way. The procedure took closer to 5 hours.

I have at least 20 staples in my belly now and I hope I get a cool fuckin scar but shit hurts still. I was in the hospital slowly ramping up to eating solid food again until Friday when I was allowed to go home to Saer. I can’t lift anything more than 20 pounds for another like month, and my range of motion is a fraction of what it was before. I’m so easily exhausted now and i can barely do anything and it’s really fucking pathetic??? and every time I bring that up Saer is like “they TOOK your ORGAN” so

(its really sad that i’m so conditioned that If I’m Not Doing Everything I Can All The Time Then I’m Not Trying Hard Enough that even after having full surgery to remove an organ I’m like NO I CAN DO THE THING and then end up hurting myself s-sobs)

(we watched the episode of b99 today where gina comes back after getting hit by a bus and when she tried to dance while still in the halo saer pointed at her and was like “it u” and i was like “exCUSE” but like, tru)

anyhow, im home, and i have my wife with me, and saer is such a blessing right now because i cannot do SHIT and they need to help me off the couch sometimes if my dumb ass gets in a position with no leverage, and also ive already fallen off the couch like twice because i was like NO I GOT IT and saer was across the room like BEB NO U DONT and yeah im stubborn and stupid ok saer is saving me from myself for the most part

also also the app i drive for is shutting down in my city at the start of december hhhhh so now i also have to fuckin... find a job like this and uGH do not WANT ffff

but yeah thats something even my parents have okayed me holding off on until I’m better so if even my fuckin parents are like “pls chill???” yall know im fucked up

however i’m mostly weaned off opiod pain meds now and am only using them at night when it’s worse and hard to sleep, tylenol tends to take care of it well enough now. my range of motion is improving, too, but i am just still so easily tired that its frustrating. we went grocery shopping yesterday and even in the little motor scooter i was completely worn out by the end of it.

but im alive! all is well! i will continue improving! sorry for being so quiet during this but like I said, i’ve been some level of sedated for most of this event. not fully sedated except for the two procedures, but fentanyl and dilautin (ok i have no idea what it actually is and google isnt helping but i had a button for it) and then morphine and hydrocodone on top of not getting restful sleep At All due to pain, discomfort, and people coming in every hour for vitals checks... I was fuckin Gone i got fuckall done rip

however once my pain-induced blood pressure spike was lowered (i saw them take it at the ER and it was fuckin RED) everyone was like “...you have really good blood pressure??” like i’m pretty sure i have low blood pressure naturally and my size/genetics gives me high blood pressure and they kinda cancel each other out, but yeah. pretty cool.

my family kept swinging between “IF YOURE IN THAT MUCH PAIN FOR 24 HOURS YOU GO TO THE ER. YOU DO NOT WAIT THREE DAYS.” and “...jesus christ you have a high pain tolerance”

//throws the horns thats what chronic pain does to ya baybee

my mom especially was impressed because she was just like “you’re so calm talking to them about how much it hurts how are you doing that” and im just like “its literally wasted energy to freak out and i hurt too badly to move so im just gonna sit here and tell them im a ten and hope they take pity on me because i have no other options”

anyhow fun new experience and im pretty sure ive broken my brother’s hospitalization record and also pretty sure i’ve got enough medical debt on me now that i can literally file for bankruptcy so

also i can feel a void near my ribs and it is so bizarre yall fuckin organs need to close the gap asap bc this shit weird as hell

#life update #drugs tw #body horror tw #surgery