#little jumble

[blueboyluca]

“When I first heard it, from a dog trainer who knew her behavioral science, it was a stunning moment. I remember where I was standing, what block of Brooklyn’s streets. It was like holding a piece of polished obsidian in the hand, feeling its weight and irreducibility. And its fathomless blackness. Punishment is reinforcing to the punisher. Of course. It fit the science, and it also fit the hidden memories stored in a deeply buried, rusty lockbox inside me. The people who walked down the street arbitrarily compressing their dogs’ tracheas, to which the poor beasts could only submit in uncomprehending misery; the parents who slapped their crying toddlers for the crime of being tired or hungry: These were not aberrantly malevolent villains. They were not doing what they did because they thought it was right, or even because it worked very well. They were simply caught in the same feedback loop in which all behavior is made. Their spasms of delivering small torments relieved their frustration and gave the impression of momentum toward a solution. Most potently, it immediately stopped the behavior. No matter that the effect probably won’t last: the reinforcer—the silence or the cessation of the annoyance—was exquisitely timed. Now. Boy does that feel good.”

— Melissa Holbrook Pierson, The Secret History of Kindness (2015)

#dog books #this chapter was very sad reading #when you become aware of punishment #and its use and its prevalence #it's hard not to despair #again this is why positive reinforcement feels like absolution #maybe now my eyes are open I can make up for what I did #what I did because it's what everyone does #because it's more acceptable to punish than to do anything else #I've been having so many thoughts about punishment and society and justice #this book was very validating #another great validating moment in my jumbled thoughts #was listening to the You're Wrong About episode on justice #with Amanda Knox #it helped to ease the despair a little

[saetoru]

Tee…

I’m now on my hands and knees BEGGING for bully Gojo who is (secretly) DISGUSTINGLY IN LOVE over the reader PLEASE ANY CRUMBS I WILL TAKE

(you don’t actually have to write this it was just a nice thought)

idkkkkk if it’s rly bully gojo—but he’s definitely a real cunt for sure.

i just think about an asshole! gojo a lot like he’s ur lab partners or something and he does that stereotypical jerk move where he’s like “seriously ?? her ??” when he’s first paired with you. and he’s just naturally an douche, yk ?? wears sunglasses indoors and makes jokes at the professors expense under his breath that gets him snickers and snorts from his frat guys in his class. has to be asked more than once to “please keep it down in the middle of class” by wtv prof he’s in class with.

and he ofc makes u do all the work bc he can’t be bothered—and on the rare occasion that he is bothered, he just does a poor job that’s the bare minimum and sloppy enough that ur like wtv i’ll just do it myself. and then ofc sometimes u don’t have a choice but to meet up to finish something after class every now and then—he wouldn’t care to, but he actually needs to know the stuff for the final report he has to write individually, so he begrudgingly meets up with you, and sometimes you notice his friends give you an amused look when he walks up with them. they snicker before they leave as he sits with you. sometimes they make a snide comment here and there like “have fun with ur super hot date” that makes him roll his eyes—he doesn’t do much to hide the look of distaste on his face.

but then—and he doesn’t even know when it happens—you start to slowly grow on him. because ur actually pretty snarky urself, sometimes making a dry comment here and there about the professor and his stupid bald headed self. sometimes a girl in the distance laughs too hard a group of guys that u roll ur eyes and mumble how “if i had a voice like that i’d never laugh in public” and it makes him snort a bit without meaning to. sometimes you stare daggers at the person who has their music so loud thru their headphones they can’t help but notice u and turn it down in embarrassment. ur actually not as much of a pushover as he thought—you just genuinely think he’s too incapable to help u out that you’ve just shrugged him off and started doing his part. it’s an easy weekly lab class anyway, you don’t need him—and then he realizes that u rly just don’t care for him. his little snickers at u with his friends and their snide comments roll off ur back bc well…he’s him—an asshole little frat boy and u didn’t expect anything better from him. so it makes him a little intrigued—maybe a little wounded in his pride, deep down, because no one has ever been indifferent to him before. they’re either madly in love, or they hate his guts, or they follow his lead. either works—he still gets the attention he craves.

but u just don’t rly care. and ur actually pretty cool, and kinda sorta funny in a way no one else is. he likes it…and fuck, now he’s starting to like you. he can tell bc when his friends ask how his little date with you went, he starts getting a bit huffy ab it bc they don’t need to talk about you. they don’t even know you…but also….its not a date. and that’s the worst part. sometimes it feels like a date. almost—sometimes you both decide to take a break in between and go get a coffee or a light snack. sometimes he’s even paid (to which you look mildly shocked before politely thanking him) and you both walk back to the library while u make light banter and it’s…well, fun. and nice. and your laugh is pretty. and your smile is kinda cute and he (though he hates to admit it) rly likes it when u laugh because of him.

and then things start to get messy—really, he didn’t mean for it to start this way. he really was meaning to ask you in a genuine manner to see u again once the semester was finished. because he’s actually started pulling his weight—he wants u to see him for someone who’s smart. satoru is actually rly rly smart and no one knows it because he doesn’t rly show it but he is. he wants u to see that side of him—somehow there’s some sick validation he rly needs from you knowing he’s not a dense frat guy who drinks and fucks until 3 am every night. so he starts doing his parts and actually communicates with u about sections. so starts ur texting routine—sometimes a little longer than u rly need to for just doing a lab together. sometimes it’s “did u hear ab that girl in our class getting dumped in front of the kfc ??” and sometimes it’s “god our prof rly needs to get some pussy” and other times it’s “look what the guy who sits behind us just posted on his story” and it leads to a few long convos that admittedly…are rly fun. ur so fun. he likes it. he rly does like u and he thinks maybe….maybe he’s grown on u too and you know what ?? satoru’s always a jerk but ur nice and who’s to say he can’t be nice too ?? just for one person. for u, he can be a nice guy—u carried lab all on ur own long enough that u deserve it anyway.

until he gets swayed in that way only a coward can. in that way you do when ur used to being “the man” around ur friends and ur too pressured to keep up that energy for appearances sake bc u don’t wanna be the laughing stock who softened up for “some nerdy chick who’s a nobody.” so he laughs when they laugh at the fact that ur probably “still a virgin who’s never touched a guy before” and then they’re patting gojo on the back and shoving at his shoulder as they laugh harder and suggest that “y’know what would be so funny man ?? if u took her virginity. you could probably do it.”

the thought is sickening because…satoru wouldn’t want to fuck you like that. god, you have him caring about when and how he fucks you—in fact, just thinking about you lewdly makes him feel guilty. disrespectful, even. you’re more than a fleshlight for his dick. since when did he become so respectful ?? but he doesn’t know how to say no, especially when everyone starts agreeing one after the other—and oh no, now they’re betting on how quickly he can do it….and oh, now it’s not just fucking. now it’s “how long until you think she’s head over heels for you? man, that would be a sight, huh ??”

and….well, satoru decides it couldn’t hurt, right ?? he does want to be romantically involved so that would include you being head over heels. hopefully. fingers crossed. and he doesn’t rly want to seem lame in front of the guys either, so he gets to keep both sides of the coin, so is it really that bad ?? maybe not the right idea but certainly the right execution. he’ll treat you well—that much he’s confident of. so he forces out a laugh and says “gimme a month or two, you’ll see.”

and a month or two they give him. and a month or two it takes—but not for you to be head over heels. it’s him who’s utterly and completely obsessed and fallen head first and whatever else they say to describe love because wow. this must be what it is. this must be that stupid fairytale shit they always talk about because fuck, no one has ever looked at him like that. like he’s some miracle to this earth and some wonder only you know of—like you hope it stays that way and that he’s yours and yours alone and no one else comes in to take him away. satoru really likes being yours, it kinda feels better than you being his. being yours means you hold him like that at night and wake him up to a kiss between his brows and sometimes, when he gets those migraines he’s prone to getting, you always seem to know. always seem to understand when to close the blinds and keep quiet and wrap him up in the covers as you rub your thumbs over his temples soothingly.

he almost forgets about that silly little bet he made two months ago when he’s around you. actually, he forgets everything when he’s around you. he’s only ever thinking about you, you, you. when he comes back to his frat house, on the other hand, they’re all gathered around waiting for the newest details. how you must’ve been so pathetically star struck by him. how you must be embarrassingly bad at kissing. how you must stutter over every other word around him. how you must be making a complete and utter fool of urself trying to impress him and be someone you’re not bc the real you would never pique his interest.

they’re wrong ofc. if anyone’s star struck, it’s satoru bc how the hell are u so…cool ?? and so funny and witty and carefree ?? and you’re good at kissing—have him chasing your lips with a whine every time. sometimes you even chuckle at him when he does and make him blush a bit. he’s the one who stutters over his words when he sees you in your little date night outfits. sometimes he watches you drink from your straw and his brain short circuits a little until you snap at him and ask him in confusion if he’s alright. but the real kicker ?? it’s that if anyone’s pretending, it’s satoru. you’re always just you—unapologetically so, that it’s endearing and beautiful and so unearthly he wonders how he got so lucky. but him ?? he’s always acting like some guy he’s not. some chivalrous guy who opens doors and pushes out seats and kisses the back of hands and waits at least a few dates before even considering fucking. some nice, sweet, genuine guy who’s deserving.

he’s not that—never was. if you knew the real him, you’d leave in a heartbeat. it’s a scary thought. a raw feeling he doesn’t like. makes him feel all self conscious and insecure and all that weird shit he never thought he’d feel.

he tries. so hard, he tries to make them forget about that silly little bet and just slowly drop it and maybe even forget ur dating so he can just stay living this peaceful little fantasy with you—but that’s stupid. that’s naive. it’s been 4 months and enough is enough—the guys need to see the look on ur face when u realize what a fool ur being and satoru is “being a lazy ass who’s too comfortable not having for work for pussy these days.” so then there’s a video going around. it’s everyone gathered around on the couch drunk and talking about you. and satoru. you both, in fact. how it’s been two months and u seem desperate for his attention with the shrill little voice you use to call him toru, baby! it’s so, so fucking embarrassing, they say. how you think he likes it. (he does. god he does so much, it hurts. he loves it, actually, when you call him that. makes him feel special in a way he never has.) but then, the worst, most disgustingly nauseous part of the whole thing is when satoru laughs along and plays into their awful words. just lets them talk about you like you’re some piece of meat. something for him to chew up and spit out after he has a taste or you. not even worth savoring and enjoying. he laughs along and agrees—you’re nothing special and he can’t wait until he’s free of you.

that part hurts. that part sucks the most—when he acts like he didn’t tremble under your touch every time you kissed him. like he didn’t beg you to stay just five more minutes! before walking out the door to go home. he acts one way in front of you and one way in front of them and what’s worse ?? you don’t know which one is real. couldn’t tell even if your life was on the line to decide. because there’s no way he’s that good at pretending to be desperately in love, no fucking way. but there’s also no way he can be in love if he’s talking about you like that. that’s not what love is—that’s not what love feels like. that’s not what it means to someone.

you don’t know which satoru is the real one, but you know that neither is worth your time. not if he can’t stick to it.

it’s terrible thing—the way you break up. it’s messy and teary and he’s begging, he’s actually begging. he never thought he’d do that. but he doesn’t even hesitate to plead for you to hear him out. baby, please let me explain. wait, please don’t walk away—please just listen! i can explain.

he can’t explain, though when you as him to. stands there with a bitten bottom lip and teary eyes that are pleading you to just stay with him. to overlook this and just … ignore it like it’s nothing. like what he did and said was just nothing and you can shrug it off like you’re nothing too. like your feelings are nothing and so is your worth and that’s why you should just ignore the way he absolutely destroyed your pride and reputation and dignity and worse….every ounce of your love.

such deep, raw, pure love—it’s almost enough to heal every dry crack and crevice of this earth and bring it back to life.

you look at him with teary eyes and something so broken, it makes him feel like dirt beneath your feet.

“it’s embarrassing, satoru,” you hiss that night through tears, “you’re in your twenties getting a degree and you’re still just a high school bully. life’s really gonna kick you in the ass some day.”

life’s already kicking him in the ass as soon as you walk out. the air is colder. the world is dimmer. food doesn’t taste as good and fuck—there is just so much loneliness when you have no one to be yourself with. when there’s no you.

but he supposes you’re right though—he is just a bully. it’s pathetic, really. and maybe it’s for the best. maybe you don’t deserve someone who’s only ever known how to feel good because someone else doesn’t.

#bye #this is so obnoxiously long for a silly little jumble of thoughts #maybe i’ll flesh it out and make it an actual fic tho #bully! gojo tag

[whamss]

honestly it’s such a generic trope but i do genuinely love the concept of rose and kanaya flirting a lot with each other prior to dating, but never picking up on each others advances. both as an expansion of their pre-meteor/act 5 dynamic (lots of banter, slight mental warfare, two girls trying to see how long it takes the other to pick up what they’re putting down, flighty broads and their snarky horseshit, yadda yadda) and in the context of their miscommunication on their first date.

rose leaning on kanaya’s shoulder as she reads over a book about quadrants, and rose tells her that’s sooo interesting, she wonders if humans can engage in this stuff, and kanaya shuts her down with a vague Im Sure You Will Find Out Someday. kanaya making rose dozens of outfits, all lovingly designed, adjusting rose’s outfit when she puts it on and telling her that she wishes she could dress her like this all of the time, she’s never had a model quite like her, and rose is just like Well of course, if you ever have anything you’d like me to wear you’re welcome to invite me over. both of them die over these encounters later

something about rose and kanaya being confident enough to flirt w each other but too stupid to fully pick up on the Implications. always trying to tip the scale in their favor to force the others hand, never quite having the strength to outright admit that they like each other (until rose is shitfaced and stumbling). i think it’s a fun means to escalate their early banter as they become more acclimated to each other and develop Feelings.

#talk tag #homestuck #rosemary #rose lalonde #kanaya maryam #sorry i’ve been in such a mood #i need more girlfails rosemary that also acknowledges their strengths #notably both their abilities to Commit To The Bit #smth good about them stumbling their way through vague and elaborate flirtations #thinking oh i think she likes me. surely this will woo her #but also never Quite having it in them to say it outright #second guessing themselves a little #turning having a crush into a bit of a game to a win. both coming out losers. but also winners (they still get a gf in the end) #my brain is a jumbled mess as i fight off The Dry Air Made My Throat Sore And My Sinuses Full disease #but rosemary gets me through it

[whereporygon]

The other day I was talking to @vaultureculture about Kuras' having a bit of owl in his design and that made me look for his 'biblically' accurate form because my memory was fuzzy, but my brain had been cooking for a while already and I needed answers.

After looking at his real form, I have to wonder: are angels in this world really this grotesque, or is it just Kuras?

screenshot by @sweet-milky-tea705

If so, is this disfigurement a punishment given before he, willfully, decided to ostricize himself, or is it the effect of him being away from his 'exalted origins' for so long?

His real body seems to stand between rotting corpse and an alien figure - a carcass well-past rigor mortis of an otherwordly creature, yet somehow this thing feels oddly... alive, almost if it were an empty exoskeleton clinging to life out of sheer will or even spite. Or perhaps it is meant to mirror the very essence of this world of decay in it's full, blunt, raw glory.

Maybe it's the effect of his immeasurable guilt, corroding his very essence. Just what did this angel do, or perhaps did not do, to deserve eternal purgatory? What is necessary for a divine being to decide for themselves that they deserve such fate?

Was it even his idea? What if it's somebody else's will that Kuras is carrying out as his own, ever true and loyal to his role as a messenger to the very end? How much of all of this is something he actually wants and thinks by himself he ought to do in order to purge whatever wrongdoing of his?

A MC with The Unnamed background seems to know Kuras (or at least seems to be in tune with a being like him), and a familiarity between the two is hinted at in the demo. Is Kuras always this open with everybody, or is it just with MC? Why was he so familiar with us, to the point he even laughs and MC reacts to his touch like they remember it? Does he just feel that much at ease around us or do we actually know each other, somehow?

What is going on with Kuras?

Is his body decaying due to heavy shame and guilt, or is it just like that, a horrifyingly indecipherable view to anything mundane?

Or is it standing in between worlds, in the limbo between holy and corrupt, never forgetting the past but also never looking forward to the future, that is pulling him apart?

#touchstarved game #touchstarved kuras #There is a set of crying eyes on his side… #I'm sorry if all of this seems jumbled up #but I just had thoughts I needed to share about Kuras lmao #I am very excited to see what are they going to do with him bc it looks *promising* #and like they are going to rip our heart out with this one #also I sort of hope they don't use the word 'sin' to describe whatever he did #it would be a bit on the nose methinks & would take us out of the experience #nothing big tho just a little peeve if anything

[absurdumsid]

slowly getting sick of the horror.... speaks.. like this.... dialogue im shoving that onto dust now

#fanfic authors ily but i will now put ur hc onto a different character teehee #sid rambles #i just i think a lot ok #as a HUGE believer of the dust is korean hc #it just fits #it just fits.... #<- like he would struggle to remember words so he needs to pause a little #or. if u are not a korean dust hc believer (i WILL convert u somehow) #<- because he generally does not care for anything other than. his ultimate goal of killing the player he doesnt talk much with others #+ so it results in this sort of. derailed (insane/jumbled u can choose) speech because he has to REMEMBER how to speak (he has been alone #+ for so long)

[kheprriverse]

Look familiar? Bounty Hunter and magic user turned Deity, Ko'jin. Later dubbed as the "Fierce Deity."

Other outfits are a wip. I was gonna wait until they were done but couldn't resist sharing what I was working on for a week.

Masterpost | Lineup | Ko-fi - More info under the cut! This one’s gonna be a pretty long one and the last half below will have the text on the image (coz tumblr’s probably gonna eat the quality) plus some notes sprinkled in.

Plus a look at the Moon Serpent, a common form Ko'jin takes. I'd like to think the Moon Serpent is more commonly known by his followers than the man himself. There are others he takes, like the Silver Wolf, but the dragon is the one most associated with him.

He's relatively unknown after the war before Skyloft's ascent, his image having been completely removed from history. The few traces of him by OOT/MM would be oral tradition, specifically through family members as bedtime stories and legends to tell. Stories about a curious serpent and a powerful artifact.

After the events of MM, the Moon Serpent becomes active again and the festivals dedicated to it return.

Text on the image + extra notes:

Ko’jin, Bounty hunter chosen by Goddess Farore.

“Ko’jin” is not his real name. Once a mortal becomes a god, they abandon their original name. He was never given a proper one again aside from nicknames by worshippers and other deities. Ko’jin is a nickname given to him by his future wife when they first met.

He wears facepaint which is mixed with magic to bolster strength and speed. And later he would get tattoos that did the same [seen later].

Before becoming a god he was a bounty hunter [and popular at that, often being the favorite of a neighboring town]. He would take commission to hunt down monsters many others refused to go near.

Ko’jin has a strong affinity for magic [he uses it practically every day] and often imbues the edges of his sword with darkness magic. Though, the element given to his sword can still vary depending on what or who he’s fighting.

His undersuit and white tunic are much more protective than the brass chainmail, which instead is used more for artistic liberty than function.

“Early Days Moon Serpent”

Ko’jin’s god form was often a dragon for the ease of guiding lost spirits to the afterlife [he’s a judgement god with a very strong connection to the dead and guiding those spirits became his secondary function].

[During the first war with Demise] Soldiers often saw this form as the “Spirit of Courage” and their protector. They worshipped him and gave him gifts in hopes that he’d watch over him [and guide them to a better afterlife if they were to fall in battle (that secondary function). He basically became a huge symbol for soldiers specifically and I feel like this would feed the “War God” title he was given way later on despite not actually being a War God.]

In many ancient artifacts [ones that could be found at least], the Moon Serpent would be as either a two-headed serpent or two separate beings with their horns crossed. [There’s going to be a lot of “two’s” with him. Two swords, two lives, etc. in depictions of him the two heads/bodies of the serpent would be called “the Body” and “the Spirit”. Later on he’s split into two to be sealed away in a similar theme. “Two lives” refers to the before and after his sealing as he loses his memory of his “past life” and becomes a new person (hence a different appearance). I can see Hylia having foresaw a lot of this tbh.]

#legend of zelda #legend of zelda au #loz #loz au #majora's mask #Fierce Diety #fierce deity/fd/terminus #Ko'jin (Kheprriverse) #Moon Serpent (Kheprriverse) #sorry thus is a rEALLY long post. i have a lot to say about this man #originally i wasnt gonna go into his backstory at all. maybe a little bit about the war? #but ultimately decided that maaaaaaaaybe we can look a little into him for a bit #i have reasons why i didnt go with ‘Kishin’ as a name. sorry manga readers #also a peak @ termina’s language? its still a wip tho #ignore my extremely jumbled thoughts #i’ll reblog with closeups in a minute #Kheprriart

[ryllen]

(what if i put my oc as) agent 4, with new agent 3

#i like to think spritz already feeding little fry sometimes when he found him wandering around town for food; without knowing whose he is #and so when new agent 3 is made official; little fry be like heY! i know this guy! #splatoon #splatoon 3 #agent 3 #agent 4 #spritz #agent 8 #captain 3 #neo agent 3 #new agent 3 #little buddy #small fry #fanart #agent 24 #delusioning agent 4 teaching the ropes to new agent 3 #well spritz was inkopolis boi but then he moves to splatville so it's a bit fitting #splatoon 2 #my headcanon keeps jumbling with each other #i need to replace some with new ones

[intotheelliwoods]

Thought of the day: If either Future or Present Leo had lost a lot of blood and was in dire need of a blood transfusion, the other Leo would be the perfect donator for that since they have the same blood and all

IDK I just dont think I have ever seen this in any fics or anything?? But it has potential so im throwing the thought to the world

#NO THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH NEXT UPDATE #<- before everyone starts SCREAMING AT ME #but actually #if I were to redo/touch up the scenes where future leo first showed up in 2al #PERFECT OPPRITUNITY #theres a lot of things I wish I could add onto or redo about future leos first moments in the present #and a blood transfusion to little leo may so be one of those things I want to add #but ough its so many characters and things to draw.... #something probably better in fic form where its wayyy easier to jumble around with all the characters and actions #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #future leonardo #rise leo #totally not saying this because im at the doctor

[vimbry]

not to sound like an edgy teenager posting a journal entry on deviantart, but the demo of tmbg's "where your eyes don't go" is such an unusually comforting song to me for reasons I can't explain. not even like... you know, in terms of relatability, catharsis, that kind of comfort. I just generally find the synth, cadence of how the nightmareish lyrics are sung, and generally lo-fi crackling quality of this version really nice to listen to.

#how I sleep knowing every jumbled pile of person has a thinking part that wonders what the part that isn't thinking isn't thinking of <3 #now I know people don't often click on music on their dashboards (and this isn't a dig! it's normal. I don't Always do that #it's just I saw a post earlier mentioning how we all post music even tho no matter your number of followers nobody clicks it lol) #but would it tempt anyone on this site just a little if I told you n.eil gaiman apparently said it was his favourite song by them #huh #would it. would this work (squeaking a toy) is it working

[nautical-nasa]

Wait this sounds really interesting!! (Re I mean fuck y’all a picture of Logan and Oscar as children on little plush animal toys is hanging up in the Piastri Fridge) - do you have some background info on them for someone who knows nothing about them before f1? Or know a post that did, pretty please 🥺

Yeah of course!! There’s so much info you can see on them by just browsing the Loscar tag! But I’ll answer as best as I can!

So they’ve been friends since they were young young young. (Posted by Oscar referring to the fact the picture of him and Logan is on the Piastri family fridge)

They used to be teammates when they were in karting.

He also went into F4 with him, and after that they were both rivals in the Formula Renault Eurocup

Then once they went into F3 they were teammates in Prema! (There’s are videos on YouTube of that. The Prema Show, The Food Challenge, the Taboo Challenge. These are all from 2020).

When they were in F3 together they were actually battling for the championships as teammates. Oscar ended up winning after Logan DNFed but they both said it was always a friendly rivalry and stuff like that!

They weren’t in F2 together I believe (??) because Oscar won the 2021 season and then became a reserve driver while Logan had to stay out due to financial reasons. But once they got into F1 they were reunited!

#loscar #I know this isn’t super detailed but I’m also not the best with the history cuz it jumbles in my brain :( #and I’ve only been a fan since 2021 AND I took a gap for the 2023 season till the end. #but I hope this helps just establish a little bit of an introduction! #and if I got anything wrong please someone correct me! #and if anyone knows any good immediate sources it would be awesome if you could link those in the comments :) #f1 #logan sargeant #oscar piastri #formula 1 #anon #answered #they have a lot of history that’s hard to delve into in one sitting and I’m sure there’s a lot I left out #but yeah!! they’re fun to learn about :)

[yaeggravate]

I wanted to collect my thoughts on the newly released book Perinheri, focusing on the usual overlooked suspects such as Kaeya, the Seelie and the connection to Princess Fischl.

TL;DR: Kaeya is (probably?) not cursed because he's half-Seelie

I strongly recommend reading the book first, which you can buy in Fontaine's book shop. Link to the official website here.

Perinheri is "based on a legendary story known throughout Khaenri'ah, but there are none left who can verify this." Ok, first of all, Kaeya and Zhongli are right there, you even put their names in the book!! Second of all, Khaenri'ah is only ever referred to as the "Kingdom" throughout the rest of the story. 🤨 Most likely because it went by a different name back then.

I think most people are aware this book is probably connected to Arlecchino because of her constellation Ignis Purgatorius which is Latin for Cleansing Fire. In the book, the titular Perinheri is made to crawl through a dark corridor filled with ash. He is pulled out of the other side, "reborn".

This fits with depictions of Purgatory:

The faithful dead go through the furnace and once purified ascend towards Heaven. Some of the faithful are plucked by angels, the result of intercessory prayers.

That being said, I don't really want to dig into the Arlecchino connection too much, since we'll find out what her deal is in a few weeks anyway, and with story spoilers running rampant, it won't be much fun anymore.😮‍💨

FALLEN SEELIE

But isn't it fascinating how one of the characters' name is Angelica who guided Perinheri out of a subterranean realm?

Kaeya has connections to the Seelie who are equated to angels in the game. Brief summary here, but the meat of it is that Kaeya most likely has Seelie roots and Nabu Malikata's last name can mean "angels" plural in Arabic. This wordplay tells us Angelica is without a doubt a Seelie, or at the very least someone belonging to the angel category. (The Jinn, for example, are descendants of the Seelie.)

What's funny is that Kaeya owns a book called The Adventures of Angelos, that he deliberately showed to the Traveler. Dude has been dropping hints since the very beginning! It's almost as if he's important to the plot or something.

Perinheri reveals the curse laid on Khaenri'ah is not unique to them and affects those who have forsaken or betrayed their god. There are a few other instances in Teyvat's history that have people turning into beasts, but no further information was given which made it hard to tell how it was connected to the curse of the Cataclysm.

Ukko, the last survivor of the fall of Sal Vindagnyr, was turned into a Frostarm Lawachurl. His final recorded words were of him asking for the destruction of the world as a last middle finger to the gods.

Didn't work.

Shiruyeh, Liloupar's grandson, fell into the abyss thanks to the behated lamp's machinations, and brought back a plague to Gurabad, which turned his people into wild creatures without faces.

Something interesting is that one of the six sins of the Akademiya is to revere gods without acts of devotion. Perhaps the other sins are connected to the conditions of the curse as well:

Cyno's Character Story 5 To prevent researchers from being devastated by their own knowledge, the sages laid out six cardinal sins. They held that all the crimes in this world derive from these six sins. The first is to interfere with human evolution; The second is to tamper with life and death; The third is to delve beyond the universe; The fourth is to investigate the origin of words; The fifth is to revere gods without acts of devotion; The sixth is to attempt the forbidden and fear none.

According to Angelica, the "pure-blooded" (for lack of better word) aristocracy of the Kingdom persists because any offspring they have with those who forsook their god will be affected by the curse as soon as they venture outside.

The witch, Angelica, explained thus: "Hleobrant is the descendant of those who forsook their god and came to the Kingdom. This is why the Kingdom's obstinately pure-blooded aristocracy persists. This is the price of betraying your own god."

The implication here is that the Kingdom seems to be protecting its people within its borders. Those who have come from another world like Perinheri are also curse free.

Angelica herself is not affected by any curse. It's hard to say if she was telling the truth here but she claims to have come from a nation that was defeated by Zhongli. Keep in mind, it's possible that she was only saying this to cast herself in a more favorable light by disguising herself as a fellow god-hater.

Whatever the case, since Angelica is most likely a Seelie, who were cast down by the heavens for reasons unknown, we have to analyze her words a bit more carefully.

The Seelie were also cursed after all.

Arama: Seelies are just empty husks that race left behind. This is because they were born with a curse: If they fall in love with Nara, they shall lose their intelligence and strength, and their bodies will regress.

Explains why Angelica led Hleobrant on and to his demise. Not unlike a certain other Seelikata we know.

Angelica: As for you, Perinheri, you are one who drifted there. Thus, you bear no such curse. You may not have the nobility to shoulder a world, but you too have your own destiny. And as for me? I betrayed no one, not for a moment, until my god died, so I too bear this curse not. But you now see who I truly am, yes?

"Until my god died." If Angelica is a Seelie, then who would her god be? Istaroth? A moon sister? Both? Something to think about…

As for why Angelica did all of that...No idea. Maybe she was just being a little silly. Haha, get it? Because Seelie means silly. But guiding people with a promise of a reward only to lead them into a trap sounds eerily similar to what Kaeya did in his story quest... and in the manga.

It's because he's silly 😂!

ANGELS GEORG

How exactly Kaeya is connected to Seelie is unknown but the character of Kaeya is partly based on Hagen/Högni who is himself half-human/half-dwarf or half-elf. If Kaeya is also half-human then mayhaps the other half could be Seelie.

If Kaeya is half-Seelie, it would explain why he isn't cursed: Angelica. Angelica never betrayed her god. If Kaeya's "pure-blood" father, had a child with a Seelie who never betrayed their god, then maybe the curse wouldn't transfer to Kaeya. This is just one suggestion because we have no idea why the curse gives immortality to pure-blood Khaenri'ahns and if it can be passed on or not.

(As an aside, Kaeya's father is most likely cursed. Kaeya said his hand writing was atrocious, which implies his hands were losing dexterity like Chlothar's.)

I'm aware of the technicalities and the plotholes here such as "uhhh aren't Seelie all empty husks" and "don't they regress if they fall in love"?? Well, we know at least there were survivors out there, meaning there might be loopholes. Columbina, Nabu Malikata, and maybe even Nicole are all characters who weren't husked to floating eye state.

And of course there is Angelica, whose name I joked about being Kaeya's mom's name long before this stupid book came out. 😮‍💨 RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS, ARE WE, HOYOVERSE EMPLOYEE READING MY BLOG

(It could also be that Kaeya's mom was a descendant (Jinni) or scion of the Seelie instead, which I have talked more about here.)

Another alternative is that he's something akin to Perinheri: a child who drifted from some destroyed world. This doesn't seem likely though. Kaeya has the patented star shaped pupils that are more prominent in official art than in the game.

I will say however, that Kaeya's pupils are very different from other Khaenri'ahns such as Dain, Halfdan and Clothar. His pupils are similar to Pierro's which are also "solid". Maybe Pierro is in a similar situation as Kaeya.

Kaeya is in part based on the changeling prince from Midsummer Night's Dream. Changeling in this context means a human child raised by fairies... The title of the Harbingers' trailer, Winter Night's Lazzo, is probably a nod to this play…

In Scottish folklore, the Seelie have a darker counterpart: the Unseelie. Unseelie haven't been mentioned in the game yet, but it's likely they do exist. Perhaps they're the fallen angels, abyssal creatures or even the pure-blood Khaenri'ahns. It's hard to say without more information.

The Seelie Court is ruled by Titania, the Fairy Queen from Midsummer Night's Dream. While the Unseelie Court is their cold, somber counterpart, described as a winter's night...

Fischl's princess outfit is called Immernachtstraum which is also a nod to Midsummer Night's Dream. It's like Fischl and Kaeya belong to the Seelie, also known as the Summer Court, while the Tsaritsa belongs to the Unseelie, the Winter Court.

Getting off track here, but whatever's going on with Kaeya is connected to Princess Fischl and it's difficult to talk about either of them without acknowledging their strange bond.

Lastly,

Kaeya's Character Story 4 Sinister thoughts flashed through Kaeya's mind, and he simply smirked: "This world is truly… fascinating."

Why say world, why!? He just had to throw that in to confuse us even more!

Recently I found out that Kaeya took the traveler to the nameless island on his birthday. No one would go to such lengths if the place wasn't important to them. This island has a ravaged moon-or sundial belonging to the God of Time. The platform on the island can also be found in two places in Dragonspine; the Mural Room and the Secret Room. What the purpose of these things are is unclear, (my guess is elevators), but the Mural Room just so happens to have a painting of a giant angel on it.

The fact that the island is shrouded in mist, hidden from the map, implies someone very powerful brought Kaeya and his father to Mondstadt. If Kaeya's mom was a Seelie then perhaps she was the one who brought them above ground. I can also see a scenario in which a fellow brethren of hers might have helped out.

Such as, I don't know, someone with connections to the Seelie and Dawn Winery. Like Nicole or Columbina, who just so happens to be part of the Fatui… Someone must have given Crepus that delusion after all. 🤷🏽‍♀️

(Venti was taking a power nap at the time, so it can't be him.)

IMMERNACHTREICH

A while back I proposed Fischl might have been a ruler of Khaenri'ah. And now Perinheri has dropped more crumbs unto our laps.

Princess Fischl is the ruler of the Immernachtreich, which is appointed as the future realm of Fischl. This is an important distinction because it means this Realm wasn't always hers. The Immernachtreich is described as an otherworldly place where everything will eventually flow into.

Mitternachts Waltz Everything in this world must pass through the doorway of their destruction unto the future kingdom of the Prinzessin. In the silence of her pitch-dark Nachtgarten would they find a place to slumber.

Flowers for Princess Fischl: Phantasmagoria Every good, bright and noble thing must eventually fall to inexorable entropic destruction, and the final destination of the universe is the realm-in-waiting of the Prinzessin, Immernachtreich.

More About Fischl: To condemn the guilty, to sanctify the just, and to draw all castaway dreams into the embrace of the infinite Immernachtreich.

Something about that sounds familiar!

Perinheri Vol 1 Due to the Kingdom's unique position, things from outside this world were always leaking into it. The Kingdom's weapons would wipe out the calamities slipping in, but what of all the other objects? Such as, say, a child who may have come from some destroyed world?

A child from a destroyed world leaking into an underground Kingdom and the Immernachtreich, another subterranean realm, the doorway of their destruction.

Both realms are welcoming to castaways.

The annoying thing is that it's unclear if Khaenri'ah is the same as the Immernachtreich since Fischl describes her Kingdom as a "small and forbidden paradise". Perhaps Fischl created a subset within the underground realm that kept people safe. At least for a while.

She did after all create a Sommernachtgarten, or Summer Night Garden, that is referenced in the domain Midsummer Courtyard. See, I didn't just mention the Seelie Summer Courts for no reason; Fischl might've been the princess of the Seelie/Angels. But there's little else to corroborate that other than the wings on her back and the Seelie like emblem on her waist...

Anyway, Fischl can see the threads of fate and has seen the causality of worlds too numerous to count. As we all know, she created another universe and founded paradise. This other universe might be a new branch that split off from the parent timeline.

In other words a parallel universe.

These branches are referenced in the description for Mitternachts Waltz, so I'm not just pulling this out of my ass.

Even the branch of the tree of time upon which the great and glorious Reman Republic nested would be cut off in the end, such that the nation founded by the other twin child of the wolves might rule.

Perhaps this is also what Perinheri's world was. Maybe the various destroyed worlds were branches that got cut off...

Another interesting similarity is that Fischl ran into a bunch of fate-resisting royals who devolved into beasts after denying her status....

Flowers for Princess Fischl (I): End Time Zersetzung When the lone pilgrimaging princess reached the kingdom of eternal twilight, the fate-resisting royals chose to deny everything in their desperation. They refused to recognize Fischl's noble stature and mission as the princess of the Immernachtreich; denied their 13,000-year lineage as a branch of the royal family; and forsook their own nobility and restraints as humans… devolving into clumsy and vicious beasts.

Huh, it's just like Angelica said 🤷🏽‍♀️. Kingdom of Eternal Twilight might be the "Kingdom" from Perinheri and the fate-resisting royals is code for those who forsook their gods. However, Fischl wasn't without sympathy and took it on herself to protect the Immernachtreich.

Narrator: The Prinzessin harbored much sympathy for all living things, and wished to never see them in pain. She harnessed the power of darkness and dreams to weave the night, and gave it the task to safeguard all living things. The people celebrated and worshiped the Prinzessin's authority, and followed her call to migrate to the sacred land that would eventually be known as the Immernachtreich. We established a nation on the Holy Land, revered the Prinzessin as The Absolute One, and introduced poetry, theater, and adventure to the Kingdom, laying the groundwork for the Immernachtreich.

One final stray thought:

That giant crying left eye on the cover may or may not be the same as Fischl's left Auge der Verurteilung, which caused her great agony due to its ability to pierce through the heart of all truths.

It could also be Fischl's enemy, the World Beast, a night-patrolling beast named "World", who casts a greedy eye on all dreams...

Perinheri The crimson moon, hanging high in the pitch-dark night sky, suddenly turned around, revealing itself to be a titanic, horrified eye.

About Us: Shooting Down the World Beast You seem to be troubled...? Oh traveler, you need not be perplexed. With my left eye, this "Auge der Verurteilung" that penetrates the threads of karma, I keep watch over your fate; with Oz's crow-eyes that have witnessed the nirvana of a thousand worlds, he observes your way forward. If the ferocious night-patrolling beast named "World" casts a greedy eye on your dream, then I will shoot it down with my Magic Arrow of Holy Retribution!

#genshin impact #kaeya alberich #princess fischl #this is a little jumbled but whatever i'm tired #.txt #lore bytes

[aprilblossomgirl]

Look. Uncle has a guest here. 

#step by step #step by step ep 4 #jengpat #jeng kittiphong #pat phakphum #man trisanu #ben bunyapol #*gifs #i have a lot jumbled in my head about this show #but nothing could come coherently comprehensively #so in the mean while #i knew what you did there mr. jeng #as if pat could say no to a sweet little girl that is your niece #please don't do it again.

[odd-critter]

boy why are you so hard to draw

#still figuring him out a little #psycho math #crashbox #professor rocket #he seems like a nice guy tbh #these are just. doodles i think im just drawing all of the characters #i want to draw the shake chef and jonnie jumble later

[trainingdummyrabbit]

Woe. Extended Cocoa Monologue Be Upon Ye.

So. Her name is Cocoa. Theoretically. She's been around for a pretty long time, if not the longest when going by current employee terms. She's the one who works with Nothing There because shes the only one who. Can. A bit odd, she's almost entirely mute aside from a handful of phrases and words, and occasionally mimicking things said to her recently. She's considered to be a bit airheaded, not really paying attention to her surroundings and more often than not just kind of... cycling around the facility when not on the job.

She does a lot of things that would Seem normal on first glance, but are just.. kinda strange, when you actually pay attention to her. Like background actors pretending to be passerby, but when they get a lil silly with it and start like. Putting whipped cream on a carrot and eating it raw. Y'know. Girl Things. Most folks don't give her much mind aside from common pleasantries-- mostly because she just doesn't answer anything else. She just kinda stares blankly, no thoughts head empty, as if she doesn't understand. She's just silly that way though, so nobody minds.

When shes given a task, though, she's just. Entirely Different. Shes very methodical, cutting straight to the point-- oftentimes literally. It's where her experience with the whole Being A Lobcorp Employee really makes itself obvious. She can take a Lot of shit and just... Wont Die. She just gets back up! Easypeasy. It's almost mechanical-- and she barely seems affected at all by any of the Horrors(tm) that come with the whole... y'know. When it comes down to it, shes a little scary.

Nobody really Knows this necessarily, but before she was an agent, she was actually a clerk ! :] She just kind of... did her job. Was polite and enthusiastic, all that good stuff, model employee or whatever. but then, evidently, there was a pretty bad abno breach at some point, and she completely managed to hold her own, going so far as to be Almost Helpful! Astounding ! So they moved her around to being a fully functional agent! Something that has absolutely no consequences whatsoever !

. So, the horrors, right? Stepping out of exposition speak, Cocoa is an exploration on the split between human, monster, and object-- and what it means to define yourself within those terms. (It's honestly a common theme between the group as a whole, but they all tackle it differently.) Cocoa-- previously known as Holly-- was pretty much always a Highly Volatile person. Not that she ever showed it. A lot of her hinges on her desperate desire to be seen as Worthwhile, to be worthy of being kept around. Truthfully? She was always terrified of death.

She knew how the world worked. Either you made yourself useful and did what you were supposed to, or you were thrown out to the cruel whims of what the world does to people like her. She was, functionally, a Nobody. And she knew this. So she did her best to fit into the vision of somebody Useful. Polite, easy to herd around, noncombative-- all that stuff. It was grating, sure, but anything to keep her out of the bad books of people who could so easily crumble her already fragile life without a second thought. It was just what she needed to do.

So um. Unfortunately, pinning your entire identity on the whims of a conglomerated image of "other people" was never really sustainable. Not even remotely. Especially not for somewhere like the city. These sorts of things contradicted themselves, looped around, formed uncrossable chasms of expectation that she could never live up to even if she tried. And god, did she try. Constantly putting up a front was exhausting, but rewriting yourself completely every time you moved somewhere new? god can you even imagine.

She was just about Always tiptoeing a thin line between roles, teetering delicately between the gazes of those above her. Any action or expression or emotion contradicting from that image had to be immediately smothered, every step out of line earned a warning shot from herself that nobody else could really see. So like, no pressure!

So, going into Lobcorp, she was a model employee, secretly harboring the unstable energy of a dying star. Easypeasy. The abno escape was, as the kids say, "the last fucking straw in her miserable life," and she kind of just. blacked out, woke up, and it was over. She helped about as much as a clerk Could, but the fact that she was alive was an anomaly. Again, she is very very good at just... Staying Alive, when she shouldn't. So that was a pretty good vouch for her skill, even if she didnt present that at first. She, obviously, was pretty nervous about the whole thing, but if this is what she was being told to do, then so be it! Easypeasy! No big deal ! I'm sure Lobotomy Corporation is just an office comedy! She is very normal.

So, again, the thing about Holly is just that she. Doesn't Die. But the people around her sure do!! What happens around here is a bit of a blur, both to me and to her, but the long and short of it is pretty much this. Through the course of her acting as a full-title Agent, it did, shockingly in fact, Make A Lot Of Her Issues Worse ! Now not only did her Own life rest in her hands, but also a bunch of other people's! Crazy how that works.

She seems perfectly fine, mostly just because her immediate instinct in stress is to just. shut off. Panic, fear, anger-- none of that has any place in the role of a Useful Employee. She can't have doubts, cant have regrets, she just has to Move. So she just lets her body do what needs to be done, and tunes back in when everything is over again. It's not Easy getting to know people in a situation like that, but somehow she Did actually manage to make a friend! Though, I suppose, not that difficult, because "being friendly" is a very good Employee Trait to have, so obviously she has it. But, well, it Was nice! Was. Lobotomy Corporation Is A Tragedy ! Whoops.

So obviously, having a small bit of solace taken away from you is, to put it lightly, Not A Great Experience. But well, it wasn't exactly just that necessarily. To her, that person was everything that any model person Should be. Effortlessly. Intrinsically. They simply Were, and through the plain act of Being A Person, Unapologetically, was... well, it was refreshing! Silently, it was everything Holly Wished that she could be, but just couldn't gain the courage to reach. It wasn't even any huge event that killed them, it was just... some stupid mistake. The core of it simply came down to... well, if they couldn't do it, how could she? Her, hoping to be better than someone like that? Was that even possible? And this is about where things start . going sideways.

So. Her whole deal with Nothing There. It wasn't anything big. Not really, in the grand scheme of things. In all honesty, it was more of a Resignation. At this point, she'd already been kind of spacey and distant-- even for her own standards-- so of course, nobody would really notice much of anything. (Again, another good trait of a Useful Employee.) Working with NT for the first time was. odd. Nobody really knew what to make of it at the time, but Holly hadn't died Yet, so she was as good a choice as any. And seeing the damn thing, well. yeah, it was disgusting, but it wasn't what affected her the most. Rather, it was when it tried to start Speaking.

Calling it Horror isn't exactly correct, but it wasn't exactly... incorrect, either. All she could really do was watch it try to form words over and over, messy and stilted, inherently flawed. A crude imitation of something she should understand. Disgusting, sure, but not for the right reasons. Because all she could really see was a microcosm of herself. A horrible little excuse for a creature trying to pretend to be human, pulling itself together by the seams and stumbling over and over, painfully close yet uncomfortably alien to those it was trying to imitate. And she could only watch, as emotions she'd done her best to suppress slowly clawed their way back up.

It was then she had a choice. To confront what exactly it was that she'd been desperately locking away, that raging sensation of emotion, of desire, of anything-- or to resign herself into disappearing completely, letting herself drop all of the baggage of that flawed facade of "humanity" and allowing it to be replaced with... for lack of a better term, a Variable. an Anything Else. But... she was never very good at confronting herself, was she? So she sat down, and began correcting the entity's speech, forming both It and Her back into the shape that they "should" be. And at the same time, letting go of a "self" that could no longer exist anymore.

The thing about her, simply, is that-- again-- she doesn't die. Not the way that people do, not the way that people Should. But then again, "Holly" hasn't existed for a long time, by the start of everything. Anyone who Knew who she was never really had the chance to, with the way she was-- not that any of them were alive to be able to tell. She never answers anyone asking what her name is. or what her job is, or... well, much of anything. So people just call her Cocoa, because that's the only thing she seems to like :) And well, people say it confidently enough that others just Believe them, and Cocoa doesn't care enough to correct them, so like. whatever. Cocoa is here to do her job. Nothing more, nothing less. And nobody is going to stop her, because she's damn good at it. Nobody knows there was even a problem to begin with. Silently, wordlessly, the "person" she used to be simply... disappeared. And nobody was there to hear it. Which makes things... difficult.

Because she doesn't remember any of that. None of her peers do, either. She feels "fine," simply enacting whatever it is she needs to do. And because of that, people simply just Believe Her. It was as if "she" had never really existed at all. And at the end of it all... she was entirely indifferent. There was work to do, you know? No use worrying over some kid who couldn't handle the pressure. Happens all the time, right? And so the world moves on, without a second thought.

Not a second thought at all.

#pikocs #projmoon #long post #LONG fucking post i mean it #reading this back is so funny. 'stepping out of exposition speak--' No The Fuck You Aren't #anyway this is my little beast she can be trusted adn she is so so normal. perceive her at yuor soonest convenience <33 #i also. want to put down that ive been writing this group Before i read wonderlab which makes several things. VERY funny. #like. this isnt even the funniest bit. but um; thats an aside; #anyway this is like; an entire offshoot branch of Lcorp for context; and a lot of logistics im working out still #and a lot of logistics im just 'ehhh whatever' about so ^w^ #but theyre just a horrible little jumble of 'oh god oh fuck oh shit' and th worlds most Unfortunate timing #and the worlds most Characters of ever who simultaneously make each other better and Significantly Worse <333 #ill uh. ill get to everyone eventually. probably. wapow ✌

[abirddogmoment]

would you do bird hunting with Aurora given the opportunity? (I dont follow anyone who does hunting with their dogs and it would be interesting to see!)

I'm back and forth on it honestly. Ideally yeah, I'd love to give her the opportunity to hunt and be fulfilled that way. But there are a couple of things I'm struggling with:

I don't have access to training birds myself, nor the knowledge (or desire) to go at training her seriously alone.

Most gundog trainers (incl. my local brittany person who's been helping me out) expect you to go all in, birds should be your priority over all else (including general good dog manners).

Currently, pointing dog training in North America tends towards "make dogs bird obsessed -> introduce gunfire -> reign in the dogs so they're steady". The problems with this (for me) is that I don't want a bird obsessed dog at all and I don't want to use the pressure expected/required for "reigning it back in".

I had a really demoralizing experience trying to learn more about shotgun sizing and I'm not keen to try again.

So in conclusion, maybe but probably not to a serious extent.

#waverlyofthewinds hunts with her brittany! #i have much bigger priorities for aurora #including solid little adventure dog and capacity to be offleash (with similar caveats to mav) #plus i dont like being harsh in training #and a lot of bird dog training is heavy handed #*and yes you can absolutely train bird dog stuff in a kind way #but do i care enough to put that management and effort in? ehh #i do have an air rifle and i had all my hunting permits last season for birds #so i may try again this year for grouse depending how shes doing #the last few weeks have been a jumble of trying to figure out my priorities for rory and how i want to get there #after my bird dog training session last weekend i think i might be done #im not enjoying the direction it's trending #i can always revisit once she has better impulse control and foundations #bird dog training

[ofmiceandpeace]

Please accept this idealized portrait of Finny in the winter, not remotely connected to the book with the exception of the crutch.....

#a separate peace #asp #fanart #phineas #finny #little meaning: bg meant to be obviously like wintery snow but also jumbled #but the outline of him is like him protecting himself in his own world of separate peace #😮‍💨 #a separate peace fanart #asp fanart