Within drow society, men can hold some positions of respect, but their society is deeply misandristic. It's not a true matriarchy but the inverse of a patriarchal society with the addition of evil alignments.
Minthara briefly talks about how romance is something women experience with other women, and men are there to reproduce with. Considering that the majority follow Lolth, most drow are more focused on hedonistic lifestyles and worldy goods rather than concepts like romance, etc. Men can have a cushy life, and some do hold positions of power, but they are the exception, not the rule.
There are also some stories about how male drow are picked by the women according to who is the most virile looking etc and if a man approached a woman first they’re risking death, but I'm not sure how canon that would be for BG3 specifically.
Anyway, considering that my male drow would have grown up in a society where he may have never experienced romance or consent without coercion (overt or not), to then live on the surface it must have been wild. FR is generally pretty accepting of everyone. Most people can do most jobs, etc (although there is a lack of disability rep and body diversity) and even though he would be aware of what happens outside of the Underdark it would be something else entirely to see and experience it in person.
He also would have been brought up in a culture built on power struggles, competition, ruthlessness, deeply invested in hierarchies, and fully involved with slavery. Which is made clear when you speak to the deep gnomes, etc.
When my drow supports Astarion in refusing to bite Araj, I feel like that would be a big deal for him personally. It's not like he would have to obey female drow all the time, but I think he would be expected to bend for her or reject her more gently than he did. In a similar way to how I, and many afab folks feel the need to soften our words when dealing with men we don't know (and sometimes those we do). Her talking about Astarion as if he belongs to my drow, and the options to disrespect him or straight up claim him as theirs, feel accurate to how drow view other races. So, for my drow, I think he would have felt uncomfortable but proud of himself for shutting her nonsense down. It's one thing to assert himself with women from other races, but it would feel different with a drow woman. How often would the opportunity come up once on the surface?
I know she refers to Astarion as your charge regardless of race but it hits different as a drow.
I also made his guardian look like his mum to mess him up some more for this reason.
So, my male drow Lito has spent some time in this new world and meets this pale elf and together they can maybe figure out how to make their own choices and explore the concept of romance and love together.
My drow is not a good person, but he would like to try. As long as it's not boring. Since leaving home, he's pretty set on disrespecting authority figures. There’s no thrill like it.
It's not just soulmates it's a soulfamily (plus some normal humans who deserve to be included)
they love each other SO MUCH they are literally one they come from totally different worlds they each bring and lend their own strength to the others they are each other's emotional support they know everything the others are feeling because they feel it too they thought they were alone but now they have each other <333
They’re soulmates, who can physically and mentally feel everything they can. They’re a whole other species of human. They can s communicate with each other anywhere in the world and share their memories languages knowledge and skills. They’re built in family!!! They are everything to each other!
Jin, Malos, Mikhail, Akhos, Patroka (& Nia):
Even if a lot of them are underwhelming as characters, their dynamic elevates all of them, and being a villain found family also makes them much more unique imo.