#literally im so emotionally exhausted that I think my feelings have shut off

[vaxxy-the-raven]

14 year old me deserved better

we shouldn't have been bullied, our parents shouldn't have emotionally neglected us, we shouldn't have been allowed free reign on the internet

i have irreversible trauma all because my parents didn't understand the difference between giving shelter & food to someone and real parenting

i felt abandoned and unloved and pushed away and hated

i felt utterly worthless to, and unwanted by, the very people who had fought to have me

my parents went through IVF to have me, you know, and yet my whole life I've never really felt loved or wanted by them

i ended up so alone and scared i fell into an older person's trap and was hurt in ways that i didn't understand back then

i felt so broken and discarded, like i truly had nothing left to give to anyone else

it really fucked me up

i understand how this all happened and it sickens me

i hate that some parents hate their children and hurt them internationally, i hate that some parents don't know love and therefore can't give it to their own children in the future

i hate that people refuse to accept that girls can be evil and predatory, i hate that we treat victims as criminals even if they "followed every rule"

its no wonder i gave up on my education in the end

its no wonder i stopped living

im stuck and I feel helpless

i was talking to people, I was getting help, I was making progress (and technically i still am but not in ways that truly help in the long run) but it got too overwhelming and i just fucking shut down again

i feel trapped in a body that doesn't belong to me

it never did and never will

i feel trapped in a cycle of anger and sadness and sickness and exhaustion

5 10 15 20 25 30

i feel so fucking stuck

so fucking done

i woke up at 6am today and i couldn't fall back asleep

i trued writing it off, literally by writing fanfiction, and I've refreshed tumblr and twitter so many times since I woke up that in kind of sick of them

its now 8am and I feel dead

but not energy wise

just emotionally unwound

I'll probably feel better after i have some water and talk to my boyfriend, knowing me

but i wanted to talk about how just fucked everything feels

i feel like a vase someone smashed into smithereens and that was put back together with paper mache and string

her name kills me almost every time I see or hear it now

i think i might hate myself less than her these days, honestly

she stole my innocence and my trust and my childish love

she robbed me of a colour, of a book series, of a movie, of a flower and of so much more

she probably doesn't even remember me anymore, if she's still alive after everything

i don't know what I'd prefer

5 10 15 20 25 30

would i rather she got help and found love and happiness?

would i rather the opposite?

i feel too tired to care

she's not the last, nor am i certain she was truly the first

but she ruined me in ways nobody else could dream to

she left a sickness in my veins that i cant get rid of

its almost become lovely

i would miss it if it were gone

the hate is ugly and hisses, but i take comfort in its heat

maybe i am broken, maybe she broke me, maybe

i woke up today with terrible thoughts of things i dont want to do to myself or to others

thats fucked up

i can't remember if i was always like this or if she did this

maybe its both

5 10 15 20 25 30

all i know is that im tired

i want to stop hurting

i want to stop being scared

i want to stop being angry

i want to stop being sad

i want to stop being so tired

i just want to live and love

i love people, i do

i hate feeling such strong hatred that im not so sure is even really my own

i just want to be happy

i feel sick

#im safe #i just need to vent #already calling my boyfriend #please don't worry #just brain busy must yell #cw whatever the fuck this is #how do i tag this shit #triggering content #is this the ocd or the trauma? is it both? (: #vent #aaaaaaaaaa #cw child neglect #cw intrusive thoughts #cw grooming #i guess??? feels wrong to me but i think?? #im so fucking tired #will probably delete later

[slaygentford]

I listened to every Beatles album in order so you dont have to and kept this record as I did. no one asked me to do this and honestly idk how I arrived at it it just sounded interesting after I exhausted the platters who I didnt think to record like this. also im at the point of school where you dont get homework anymore and I miss it so I made a report.

these are graded on a curve, that is, the ratings of each album are calculated in relation to the other albums. prior to this endeavor I had only heard the big beatles songs like in movies and on Wii rockband.

please please me: 3/5. highlight: twist and shout (sorry). lowlight: baby its you. thready ass vocals. leave it to people with talent with the beatles: 3/5. aesthetically identical to prev. highlight: you really got a hold on me. lowlight: please mr postman. why the fuck would you cover this. youre signing up to fail a hard day's night: 2/5. highlight: things we said today. lowlight: sadly, a hard day's night beatles for sale: im gonna keep it real. this sounds identical to albums 1-3 to me and I feel exactly no emotion about it at all. largely inoffensive. 2/5 help!: 3.3/5. highlight: help! killer bass. lowlight: the riff in I need you fills me with a burning, indescribable rage rubber soul: here we begin to experience the epic highs and lows of The Beatles discography. high highs: Norwegian wood and girl. low lows: literally everything else. 2/5 revolver: 3.5/5. these bitches finally woke up! highlight: I'm only sleeping, for no one, Eleanor Rigby is worth the hype, I want to tell you, tomorrow never knows. lowlight: dr robert -- flop attempt at satire. also whatever that one guy was doing to that poor sitar sgt pepper's: I came to a rude awakening when I realized that the wall would not exist without sgt pepper's. humbling. that being said, 0/5. I hated every single second of this. magical mystery tour: epic high following last album's epic low. 5/5. strawberry fields has a BASS DROP??!?!? no skips. I love this album. its such a time capsule as well of like one of the weirdest years in history. i can listen to this album and experience how my parents felt at 16. the callback to she loves you on the last track. I get it the white album: I dont get it. this album tested me like nothing else. I began to flag. I began to question the honor of my quest. I almost shut it off after nearly every song. but let me say: the highs are sweeping. SWEEPING. happiness is a warm gun. blackbird, Helter Skelter, while my guitar gently weeps, back in the ussr, revolution (which is satire which I just realized)... however, the lows are LOW. glass onion is bad; Julia is actually unlistenable (I broke and skipped it); wild honey pie is like getting a transorbital lobotomy; birthday has undone years of my therapist's work vis a vis suicidal ideation. Im so baffled by this I almost want to exclude it entirely. instead I calculated its good song to bad song ratio which landed the album as a whole at a solid D+ (69%)! but that seems like its ignoring the good songs which for any other band even ONE of those would be the song of their career. emotionally the experience was not unlike a bipolar mixed episode. 1/5 yellow submarine: this one was a movie soundtrack. something it has going for it is that it isn't the white album. 4/5 abbey road: yeah. 10/5. I cant even be flippant about this. you live a whole lifetime listening to this one. fine. let it be: set myself up to FAIL with this one. my dad was about to turn 18 the year this came out, which I only bring up because this is the only one of my dads beatles albums I kept. so of course I listened to the record and cried through let it be like a bitch. I like all the studio talking noise. 5/5 for sentimentality

rating overall: 43.8/65, about 66%. but I dont vibe w that honestly. I had a great time doing this and discovered some great music. I also cant ignore their historical significance and the insight it gave me into my parents' youth, which is probably the most interesting thing about the beatles. I choose to recuse myself from assigning a grade and instead, on a pass/fail scale, pass them.

reflection: they were so prolific in 10 years with wildly varying results, but it makes me feel like we need to all create more haphazardly and throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks instead of being so precious about it. because honestly, a monkey at a typewriter with that kind of output WILL eventually write something good. I also think it's the kill baby Mussolini principle in that even if you killed baby Mussolini there would still be the sociopolitical situation which gave rise to Mussolini. so if The Beatles never formed there would've been other band/s who evolved with the upheaval of the 60s who would now serve as this cultural touchstone. but this is what we got and thats quite interesting I think.

takeaway: I cant listen to another beatles song for at least 2 calendar years

#what an experience. wow. who should I do this with next

[kiss4kazu]

ooh! can i request something spicy?? maybe headcanons of claude, dimitri, and felix’s kinks?

spicy hcs | dimitri, felix, claude

this is combo between just kink hcs and also how first times being freaky w these three go hahhahahahhahah screams. this is not safe for kiddos so proceed with caution folks 

felix <3 

whew, okay. sweats. um 

so the first time u and felix do the do was definitely not planned. things tend to escalate a lot with felix when it comes to intimacy. pecks goodnight lead up to make out sessions and all of a sudden his hand is down your pants and you’re honestly not complaining. 

felix is definitely more of a giver than a receiver, not because he liked giving, but because he liked being in control. he liked seeing you writhe beneath him and all that jazz. 

he’d definitely deny you from reaching your high multiple times, partially to draw out the activity since you tend to come quite quickly beneath his touch but also because hearing you whine his name helplessly was a really big fucking turn on and he always swelled with pride knowing he was the only person who can turn you into a sobbing mess. 

felix has 2 moods. his soft and pliant types of fucking, and his arrogant, i’m big bad felix fraldarius and my cock is 30inches long type of fucking. he knows hes hot, he knows he has a pretty dick, might as well utilize it.

he hates praise when it’s ingenuine, for things intangible that he hadn’t earned himself. when it’s people praising him for his title or the power of a fraldarius battalion. 

but praise when it comes from you? when it’s you letting him know just how amazing he feels inside of you, how with every thrust of his hips your brain short-circuits and your eyes water with unspilled tears? when it’s you not being able to even form coherent words anymore because felix fraldarius is throbbing inside of you... yeah, that kind of praise. it does wonders for him and his dick. 

he’s also into hair-pulling

and overstimulation

hes also rly rly easily jealous like if someone else was making eyes with you or perhaps you were giggling a little too loudly with some handsome noble he’d just yank you away and march u up the stairs to his dormitory before kissing you hard 

he’s the type to make u beg and be rly possessive he’d just fuck you so ruthlessly hair stuck to his skin, panting “you’re mine. mine. say it” and u would just cry bc why tf he so sexy hello-

as mentioned in my kissing post, felix sucks the life out of you when he kisses you so it’s only logical that he fucks the life out of you too.  

im kidding ofc!! not rly

although he’s on the giving end of things, it’s still completely self-indulgent, felix gets off just knowing he’s getting you off because he’s a sexy narcissist like that. 

but on some days, he really really wanted you to know he cared a lot about you. 

felix isn’t the best with words, but he was really good with his tongue, so things usually worked out okay. he’d kiss you, everywhere. every inch of you, leaving hickeys in even the most visible places because who fucking cares. you were his, he needed you to know that. he needed everyone to know that. 

he can be sensitive sometimes too, make love, if you will. 

he has to be rly emotional tho, so it’s probably after something eventful happens in his life. like when the kingdom takes back fhirdiad, or wins the war. or when he’s sleepy and tired and wakes up hard and is just too lazy to put on his big bad scary persona. 

sleepy felix is submissive felix, aka my favorite felix. sleepy horny felix is all whiny and blushy and just wanted to come and he absolutely despised himself for it

you were well aware of how much he hated himself for being soft and needy, but that made teasing him all the more fun.

so yes, some nights felix would fuck you brainless and soak in the sound of your voice crying out his name helplessly. but on other nights, felix would lay down, his hair splayed against the pillow, your fingers twirling his locks and tugging gently as your other hand jerked him off, lips pressed against his as you breathed in his whines and grunts.

hearing him whine was a really rare sight, but it did slip out occasionally, when you squeezed the base of his member unexpectedly or when you took him deep into your throat and swallowed around him. felix really likes fucking your mouth. 

yeah felix is an emotionally constipated sex god 

claude ! 

whew lord. 

ok so claude, my sweet, cheeky, little shit <3 

the first time probs wasnt even intentional with him either he was just teasing you a little too much and things got a bit carried away but it’s a great time nonetheless

doing the do with claude is probably a rollercoaster ride, he would literally never shut up and would just say the most stupid things and you’d hate yourself for still being so desperate for his touch because somehow in between his terrible jokes and merciless teasing he whispered complete filth into your ears.

he’s a master of dirty talk, chuckling against the shell of your ear at the sound of you choking out a sob at his words, tugging at your earlobe just to spur you on even further. 

“don’t tell me you’re clocking out already?” you’d just glare at him in frustration despite your flushed cheeks and he’d kiss you on the tip of your nose and laugh in amusement at your misery 

he’ll literally do everything but fuck you, covering every inch of your skin in love bites, especially your chest. he’d literally eat you out or suck you off until you were dizzy but if you want him inside of you, he’d definitely make you beg. 

if you ever tried to get smart with him… um, he’d uh .. p-punish you 

not like in a pain kink type of way he’d just pull out right before you could nut and would laugh maniacally in your face afterwards because that’s what you get for being a smart ass ! denying u from coming is basically how he punishes u so its a pretty long night but claude’s really really good with his tongue so you’re guaranteed to come like 3 times at minimum anyways

he’d devour you, all smirks and with eyes filled with mirth and he wouldn’t give in until you were absolutely wrecked under him. 

he’s very um… dominant, i would say

but not an aggressive dom, definitely a playful dom who enjoys edging and teasing a bit too much 

he’s also pretty experimental, i can see claude as a bit of an exhibitionist also, he’d probably fuck you in the cathedral just for shits and giggles 

but he is human and despite how much of  a little shit claude is he’s just as wrecked as you he’s just much better at hiding it 

he’d probs quit the teasing once he himself can’t handle it anymore

and wow uh thats when claude gets all sensual 

when claude’s kind of in overdrive and completely uncoordinated just messily thrusting over and over again to finally get you both to that place thats when he becomes all romantic and lovey 

would compliment you to no amounts end, call you all sorts of pet names like honey, sweetheart, baby, etc. 

his messy curls would stick to his skin, his forehead pressed firmly against yours, verdant eyes blown wide maintaining eye contact with you just for that extra level of intimacy because watching you when you’re like this really drives him over the edge. 

he’d pant against your lips, kiss you roughly and somehow find it in himself to even let out an amused laugh because he’s having sex and that’s kind of funny for some reason

claude’s pull-out game probably a1 but idk he’s possessive in less conventional ways so i feel like he’d  get off to the thought of releasing inside you and watching him drip down your thighs bc yea

claude is also the king of aftercare let it be known

he’d have so much energy after sex for some reason like he’d just hop right up clean your bodies, fetch you tea if you wanted some and curl up with you resting on his chest, running his fingers over the skin of your arms tenderly and smiling softly to himself when exhaustion takes over you and you slip into a warm slumber against his chest. 

i love him bye

dima 

ok so dimi is a busy busy boy and even when he does have free time he’s never entirely there his mind is always kind of somewhere else u know 

he’s always struggled w getting a proper night's rest and always overworks himself into hysteria

so, as his lovely s/o, you presume a nice session to destress will help loosen those knots in his muscles and all that chaos whirring around in his mind

you were thinking a nice trip to the sauna or something

but dimi had other ideas 

 he’d just look at you and his gaze would darken all of a sudden and with just a glance at him you already feel the wind being knocked out of you 

it would be rly sudden, like dimitri’s just rly needy all of a sudden and he’s taking whatever you’ll give rly he has so much pent up stress and needs some form of release and he’s so so emotional and touchy and won’t stop kissing you with so much fervor and desperation

dimi is 1000% a lovemaker im sorry u cannot convince me otherwise. unless he is feral. if he is feral then understandable have a good day. 

he’s all about pampering and kissing every inch of you and asks every five minutes is this okay? are you comfortable? does that hurt? are you sure? because he’s terrible with fragile things and if he ever hurt you he’d never forgive himself poor baby

part of you just wants to grab his face and say !!! im fine !!! you big idiot !! but you just pull him to your chest and nuzzle your face into his neck and breathe him in deeply, kissing his jaw gently before reassuring him i’m fine dimi, stop worrying 

he’d calm down instantly and focus back on the task at hand, pleasuring the love of his life hehe

BODY WORSHIPPING non stop praises just kissing everywhere his lips come across you’d love it but hate it at the same time bc part of you just wants him in u already and the other half of u is just so so enamoured by him and feels so warm and loved and appreciated

he’s more of a giver than a receiver as well though for opposite reasons compared to felix, he worries about your comfort so much to the extent where it distracts him from his own pleasure, and it isn’t until he’s inside of you that he remembers and is like oh wow fuck and yea things dont usually last very long for him since he always neglects his own pleasure in favor of yours. he gets so focused on making u feel good because he loves you so much and he needs you to know that so yeah he doesn’t remember to even touch himself lmao 

you’d probably come like twice before dimi even whips his schlong out 

at the peak of his pleasure tho dimi gets kinda rough ngl. he’s a person whos very emotionally driven so when everything gets to be a bit too much he’s just slamming into you with so much force your skin stings, grip so tight on your hips there’s sure to be bruises in the morning but despite how rough he is his eyes are nothing but gentle and so so loving 

probably says something like oh seiros when he’s about to come LMAOOO 

dimi is also a king with aftercare but he’d probably knock out like a log afterwards and it’d be like the best sleep he’d get tbh all warm and satiated and just content

dimi sex god 

#fe3h #claude x reader #fe3h fics #fe3h requests #fe3h imagines #claude von riegan #claude imagines #claude scenarios #fe3h scenarios #fire emblem three houses #dimitri x reader #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #dimitri imagines #dimitri scenarios #felix fraldarius x reader #felix fraldarius #felix fraldarius scenarios

[volleyball-dontknowher]

Hey it's 🐣 anon from the matchup. I've been feeling down recently cause things aren't home are not going daijobou (lame attempt on joking im so sorry). Can i request HC for Ushijima, Oikawa, Noya and Kuroo with an s/o who suddenly becomes really silent and distant when usually their loud and affectionate? And if they try to be affection to their s/o they just push the boys away. If this is making you uncomfortable you can ignore this. Thank you in advance never the less 💞

Hello little chick!! I am so sorry this took so long, I meant for it to be an emergency request but I wanted to take a little bit of time to do it and think about the appropriate reactions to things like this because they can be signs of mental health problems and I wanted it to be addressed in a way where the boys all care and want the best. If you ever ever ever ever want to talk about anything my messages are open! I am great for talking about serious things and also nothing at all so if you need a person to talk or distract you I am only a few buttons away lovey!! Please do not be afraid!

Shut out 

Words: 1.9k 

Characters: Ushijima, Oikawa, Nishinoya, Kuroo

Summary: You go from loud and bubbly to quiet and distant around your boyfriend 

Ushijima 

Ushi knows you like the back of his hand, he knows exactly how you sound when you are happy, when you are sad when you secretly want french fries but keeps telling him I don’t know when he asks where you want to eat, he knows everything about you so when you started slowly answering his questions in different ways he knew that something was up, he could tell that you were stressed and unhappy and he didn’t know what to do 

He gets really nervous around sensitive subjects like that because he doesn’t want to make you upset but he needs to do something so he does a lot of research to try and know how to help you best, he figures out that you just need some extra love and attention so one day he skips volleyball and just pulls you onto the couch for extra love and cuddles with no explanation as to why, you try and pull away from him and he just tells you no and when you try and argue with him he gives you a very specific raised eyebrow look that says it all, he knows that you need this affection and deep down you know it too so you cuddle with him and you can feel your heartbeat slow down and yourself relax in his arms 

The next couple of days he packs you lunches and walks you to and from school and to each of your classes, squeezing your hand a little bit harder every time

His extra affection helps perk you up some but not enough so after a few days Ushijima sits you down and makes you talk through everything if you want him to talk back he will, or if you just want someone to listen he is happy to hear it all and just let you talk at him

You end up getting emotional and starting to cry and he just holds you to his chest and tells you that he loves you and that it’s okay to feel this way and that it is normal and he just wants you to remember and know that you are loved 

He is really sweet the next day and brings you a little goody bag and lets you wear one of his sweatshirts, he knows how emotionally exhausting it can be to have to talk about things like that but he also knows that you need to talk to someone and if you shut him out then it’s only going to make problems worse and so him making you talk to him was super helpful and lifted a big weight off of your shoulders

Ushijima will never give up on you and he knows that bad times happen and he is going to be there to get through it with you 

Oikawa 

Oikawa Tooru is the king of anxiety, he doesn't like to tell people but he really does worry a lot behind closed doors so when you slowly start getting quiet on him he knows what is happening and at first worries that you are shutting him out because of something he did but then you still walk near him but you don’t touch him, he was confused and sad and angry and he wanted his s/o back like no one’s business, you were his love and he hated seeing you like this 

Oikawa stayed near you for several days silently wondering why you wouldn’t hug him and if he messed up or if you didn’t like him anymore and if you were going to break up with him, he felt like he was walking on eggshells at all times because he had no idea what was happening and he wanted you to be as happy and chipper as you were a few days ago 

You still walked to and from school with him, you just didn’t have any energy to talk to him and you didn’t seem to acknowledge his cheery good mornings or really even him at all

Oikawa worried and stressed about it so much that even when he wasn’t with you he was thinking and worrying about you and wondering how he could help or if he  could help

One day walking home from school he decided he was done waiting for you to come around and stopped  you outside of the school and made you tell him what was wrong, he ended up getting emotional and breaking into tears because he loved you and he didn’t want to stop loving you but this was really emotional and he wants to see you happy more than anything else and he told you that if you had to leave him to be happy than so be it because he can’t be selfish and take you like that 

You stood there in complete shock as Oikawa poured his heart out to you and you had no idea, you had been so caught up in your own head and in your life things that you hadn’t thought about how this was hurting him or how he was thinking that it was over between the two of you, that was the last thing you wanted and you had to figure out how to vocalize it to him, you had been going through a rough time and looking back at it you realized that you had shut him out and now your relationship was on the line 

You had no idea what to do so you just ran into him and wrapped your arms around his waist as you began to cry, you had been bottling up emotions for so long and hadn’t been able to get out of your own head and knowing that you hurt Tooru in the process hurt you, even more, he stood there in shock for a few moments before wrapping his arms around your shoulders and pulling you close to him as he began to tear up 

After a few minutes of crying together, Oikawa took you back to your apartment and asked you sweetly if he could come in and when you nodded he pulled you inside and sat you on the couch with a glass of hot tea, some cookies, and a blanket as he tucked you onto the couch before planting a kiss on your forehead before going to sit on the couch across from you and turning on a show 

You aren’t expected to say or do anything because he knows in times like these you just need love and compassion because he gets this way after losing big games and with some time you will perk back up to your regular self and things will be okay, but until then he is going to take care of you and make sure you feel his love at all times 

Nishinoya 

Noya notices instantly that something is different with you and he wants to know what it is right way like he went in for his morning hug and you didn’t let him even though those always make you 

smile, yeah you are not getting away with that one 

He asks you several times throughout the day if you were okay and you were just quiet and didn’t really answer his question and he couldn’t help but worry about you and wonder what was happening, the day came and went and he was thinking about you all throughout the practice of ways he can try and make you talk to him so he came up with the perfect idea nd decided he was going o prank call your phone over and over with a crappy pizza delivery punch line with *67 so you couldn’t block him but he could call over and over again through practice making you annoyed, but it was always with a purpose, you loved crappy prank clals and he was going ot annoy you to death and then show up at your door with pizza and get you to tell him about the annoying prank caller and then talk to him, well the whole plan was foiled when the third time he called he forgot to hit *67 and ended up ringing with his name and you stopped him half way through his speal about it asking why he was doing this 

Noya was dead silent for the first time in his life, he just then finally cracked and told you that he wanted to make you smile and was literally on his way with pizza nad you seemed sad today and very quiet and distant but he wanted you to be sure that he loves you and that you would get your smile back 

Kuroo 

Kuroo wastes no time pulling you into an empty classroom and asking you what was wrong when you pulled away from him trying to hold your hand this morning, it was something that you two did every morning for at least a few minutes before he kissed the back of your hand, called you a princess and walked you to class

He pulled you into the room and immediately asked you what was happening and what was wrong and did not take anything as an answer, he knew you better than this and anything that was bothering you was now bothering him and he was not going to stand for you not talking through your feelings because that’s bad for you and he really does care for you 

He understands if you don’t want to talk before class but he is going to stick by your side and make sure that no one says anything to you that could upset or hurt your feelings because he doesn’t know what’s going on so for the day you have Kuroo the bodyguard (not that he isn’t usually but today he is extra cautious) and he takes extra care to carry your bag for you to try and relieve any of the stressors from your life today 

After school, he takes you to a little coffee shop and makes you sit and talk to him and you don’t want to he starts spouting lots of knowledge from science on how it is bad for you and that he wants to at least know that you are okay and if there is anything that he can help you with like he says it all in a way where you know you are welcome to talk and say anything but he is not going to force it, only encourage it 

If you finally do start talking and get emotional he takes you out of the little cafe quickly and brings you somewhere to help you relax and calm down as he reassures you that you are loved and that this is only temporary and no matter how bad it sucks there is light at the end of the tunnel and you are not alone, he is right there willing to put up just as much of a fight as you are 

He is going to take extra care of you the next few days as you start opening up to him more and being less quiet, he lets you take your time with things and is really understanding about it all and wants you to be okay, so when you pull him into a hug unexpectedly one day he just kisses the top of your head and rubs your back

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu Karasuno #ushijima #ushijima imagine #ushijima fluff #hq ushijima #ushijima wakatoshi #ushijima x reader #ushijima x y/n #ushijima wakatoshi fluff #ushijima wakatoshi x reader #oikawa x you #oikawa x y/n #oikawa fluff #oikawa torū #oikawa #oikawa tōru #oikawa toru x reader #oikawa tooru #oikawa imagine #oikawa headcanons #oikawa tooru headcanons #oikawa tooru imagine #yuu nishinoya #nishinoya yuu #nishinoya x reader #nishinoya fluff #yū nishinoya

[littlebigafterdark]

patton's asthma attack and finally agreeing to try therapy

content warnings: hurt/comfort, detailed description of asthma attack, very brief mention of past eating disorder, crying (i always hav that tho)

i copy pasted this from mine and livs discord convo so thats why it might be formatted weird and i swear a lot also if you see "hhh yeah" then thats liv commenting hshshsh

patton has had a cough the past few days because BASICALY since priscilla (remys cat) visited hes been more breathless with his asthma but he didnt tell anyone bc he doesnt want to worry them or make it so vee never get to see priscilla again if she cant visit anymore

so his asthma is acting up but he ignores it - and hes had asthma cough for a couple days (which is a sign of an incoming asthma attack) but again hes ignoring it, hes so used to brushing off symptoms he doesnt click what it means and he diesn ttake his inhaler when he needs it

WAAAHH oh fuck oh my god oh god wait fuck i just realised

the moment patton gets his asthma attack its saturday afternoon, roman is little and playing with logan and vee isnt quite little yet but fae's on faer way there, fae is very giggly and playful and patton says "okay babygirl, lets go get you changed!"

and when he gets up from the couch he takes a moment to cough and just stand still a sec bc he got suddenly dizzy but he pushed through it to not worry vee, and he actually usually lifts her onto his hip straight away, but this time he very subtly is like "okay hold daddys hand while we walk to the stairs"

so they get to the stairs and patton of course lifts vee up, and theyre only a few steps up when pattons breathing gets really heavy. it makes vee frown and look at him and say "daddy am i heavy?"

and patton smiles and shakes his head, because hes too breathless to speak. but he pushes through and hurries up as fast as possible

once theyre at the top of the stairs, patton is wheezing. his chest is rattling and whistling and he suddenly loses his smile and quickly hurries away from the stairs to place vee gently on the hallway floor, and as soon as vee is safe patton wobbily sinks to his knees and leans his head against the wall. his eyes shut tight trying so so hard to breath but its realy whistly now

and vee of course panics. "dady? papa are you okay??" and whimpers when patton doesnt react and clutches at his chest

and it throws her out of her semi regression. she jumps up and hurries downstairs, a little wobbily but ultimately fine. and she speints to where logan and riman are and yells "daddys h havin a panic attack!" and instantly starts crying

logan and roman were in the middle of a game and smiling and laughing but as SOON as they hear that they jump into action. logan runs out of the room to go to patton and roman grows up and runs to vee and lifts her up to shush her cries and calm her down - they dont even share a single look before they do this, they both just instinctively know what to do

and logan of course finds patton and realises its an asthma attack not a panic attack - he goes into his emergency like emotionless mode where he just gets the job done. he asks clearly where patton keeps his inhaler and patton just shakes his head. so logan alarmed asks "you dont have a reliever inhaler??" and patton winces and shakes his head again.

logan sprints to his room into his bedside drawer to find tthe inhaler he keeps for emergencies double checking it hasnt expired

he sits with his legs around patton, patton leaned back agains his torso, and puffs pattons inhaler for him and times the attack and the puffs (knowing that if it isnt better after ten puffs and fifteen minutes they have to call an ambulance) and using his own deep breaths against pats back to help him recalibrate his breathing

luckily it only lasts 8 and a half minutes and 8 puffs - but logan is so so shaken about the fact that that was very close to requiring medical assistance, he had his ohone out ready to dial 911

once pattons attack is over he's finally breathing, short and deep at first gasping in the oxygen, but within a few more minutes of sitting against logan it slows down and is much calmer. hes very shaky because the reliever inhaler does that to you, and weak from the tax on his body, so logan helps him up into their nearest bedroom (pattons)

at first he calls roman to swap places with him and watch over patton hust so logan can change vee into a diaper since she regressed from fear as soon as roman picked her up and obv he cant change her diaper

so roman sits with patton while logan does that and roman is actually really quiet and awkward and nervous, just looking wide eyed at patton and hugging himself.

and patton feels bad abt that and whispers "its okay little prince, daddys not hurt. im sorry for scaring you, honey" and roman just chews his lip and nods and looks down and they dont talk again until logan is back and roman goes out to take care of vee and logan comes in to lie with patton and rub his chest soothingly

logan is distressed and frustrated and shaken at that point but he knows not to have their conversation until the next day bc patton will be emotionally and physically exhausted

but the next day they have a serious talk - logans pretty ANGRY that patton was so ignorant of his wellbeing that he didnt refill his inhaler, patton brushes it off but logan says its a good thing he secretly kept one for patton (bc he almost suspected this might happen)

it rly hits patton when logan tells him if he had needed anymore puffs than he took they wouldve had to phone an ambulance - like patton not wanting to worry his family by admitting his asthma was acting up backfired way more and has made them worry even more because he had a full attack that could have gone so much worse

the whole conversation is VERY stern and serious even at the start when patton smiles and chuckles and jokes and brushes it off logan just gets frustrated and upset. logan is SO angry literally he is glaring at patton when patton brushes it off and makes jokes abt it and he snaps.

logan actually very seriously tells patton this is self harm and patton goes WHAT nonono no its not i dont know why youre getting so worked up

and logan fucking SNAPS like "Youre not giving your body what it needs to survive because you dont think your worth that!! you're neglecting your basic needs to the point of needing urgent medical care, doesnt that sound familiar??? doesnt that sound like something we've both been through before???" clearly referencing his eating disorder

and pattons eyes go wide and he profusely apologises hes like im so sorry oh my gosh logan honey im sorry did i trigger you im sorry and logans just like STOP APOLOGISING this isnt about me its about you!

and he sso angry bc he thought they trusted each other but the fact that patton didnt tell him when he literally couldnt breathe is so scary to logan

but that is basically an argument bc logan was so fucking worried and devastated that patton has ignored his health to such an extent and vee gets nervous bc both her and roman can hear them yelling and she thinks the cgs will breakup bc they "had a fight"

but once theyre finished talking and vee shakily asks if theyre not gonna be a family anymore they'll of course comfort faer and talk abt it, its not a fight its a disagreement and mummys and daddys have those sometimes. theyre still a family and they still love each other very very much. they all soend their family day together as usual, though patton isnt as able to get up and play with roman understandably

also the fact this all comes around the same week patton and logan tell vee that janus wants to babysit, thats why patton has been absent from the blog recently i guess bc hes been keeping busy trying to work through his feelings of janus wanting to come in

hhh yeah... the way it lines up to patton's other insecurities abt janus coming into the family and it all just piles on too much all at once

so on monday morning logan goes with patton to get more inhalers and they actually stay out for while like they go to a forest or smth just to be alone and help patton recenter a little - he's always loved being in nature, it really brings him a lot of peace, being in nature is really the best way to keep patton grounded from his dissociation, thats why hes always gardening

and logan doesnt want to be angry at him and he knows patton needs support and comfort atm even is patton doesnt think he does so they have a calm day just being together and logan trying to remind patton that hes there for him

HHH stop bc they YEAH bc they kinda had a fight even though it did get 'resolved' but they needed to take time to reconnect their energies and like show each other (and specifically logan show patton) that their love is still secure and their friendship is still strong - just the quiet care of logan taking patton somewhere they can just be alone without responsibilities

secretly patton was rlly upset that logan got angry with him but he didnt show it but logan KNOWS him and he knows he needs to fix it with queality time (pats love lang) because pattons been alone a lot recently, its just been that he keeps busy and accidentaly distanced himself bc the others would all be busy and hanging out in some way and he fet a bit abandoned but yeah logan is dedicating the whole day to him

and patton does end up talking abt his inner turmoil a little but not until theyre like in the middle of the forest and hes a lot calmer and theres no one around, he just feels so much calmer and safer in nature to open up like that.

and this is when patton tells logan about his worries about janus becoming closer to vee, and how its lovely for them but what if it hurts vee, what if they dont get along, what if they DO get along and vee wants to move back with janus. Logan doesnt say anything to the worries, he knows patton just needs to blurt them out while he can, while it mixes with the sounds of nature.

then patton mentions quietly that dr picani phoned him a couple weeks ago and told him that he would like to offer patton a trial session of therapy - not with vee, just patton. logan very calmly asks if that sounds like sometnging that might be helpful for patton and patton just giggles nervously "um i dont know. Vee has therapy"

logan frowns. "yes she does. but that doesnt mean you cant have it too, if you would like it"

patton goes quiet and looks anxious, scratching at the moss on the log theyve sat down on. so logan takes his hand and looks very earnestly at him and says gently "i would like you to at least accept the trial session. It is your decision but... i think it might be worth a try"

patton nods a little, just looking at their intertwined fingers. and after a long silence where they can just hear the birds tweeting and the wind rustling the leaves and small animals scurrying along the grass, patton finally looks up at logan and breathes "i'll go to therapy"

and when patton says that out loud suddenly his eyes well up and he sees logan smile at him - a little sad and a lot proud - and feels his hand squeeze and the tears just dont stop coming and he hides his eyes but laughs nervously like haha dont know why im crying this is so silly! but logan doesnt say anything to it, he just pulls patton into his side and rests his head on pattons head...

and patton keeps trying to laugh and joke but its so choked and sad and nervous and wet and logan wraps his other arm around patton too and just grntly whispers "pumpkin, its okay if youre not happy right now."

and patton just starts sobbing into logans shoulder and logan holds him so tight as they sit on the log

patton cant cope with silence when its about him yknow, he couldnt handle logan not laughing or tutting at his jokes so he just kept joking until logan insisted its ok to be sad

so once they get home logan sits with pstton while he phones dr picani and books his first solo therapy session for friday morning

#papa patton #asthma attack tw #do not reblog #little big after dark concepts

[babyloniastreasure]

right so i just got done crying on and off for the first three hours of my day and i think i deserve a bit of unloading into the internet about it

dont mind me i just,,,dont have a support system anymore lol and i need some kind of fuckin release. feel free to ignore

so the last week in particular has been extremely rough and today I almost asked to go to the hospital in the hopes of like, idk. getting some sort of help. I have never been this depressed or hopeless before in my life and I’ve never had so much nothing as I do now. I lost all of my friends and my only support. I don’t have anything to look forward to. I look at my projects and my art and I can’t stand them because everything has memories attached to people who hate me and want nothing to do with me. People who have ignored me for five fucking weeks after telling me “We want to fix this.”

i’m hardly sleeping. im constantly exhausted. im physically nauseous because i cant eat from the stress and anxiety, granted i remember to eat at all or have the energy to get up to get anything in the first place. emotionally im an absolute wreck. I can’t focus. nothing is enjoyable. there’s nothing TO enjoy, because everything i had before was everything they took away. I’ve been left in the dust after they told me they still cared. so clearly that was a lie. if they cared they wouldnt have left at the drop of a hat like that

Even my family has noticed that i’m not okay and they’re starting to ask questions. i feel bad every time i brush them off but I cant let them know how bad things really are. i cant tell them that every hour i have to fight the urge to hurt myself again. that every time i have a second of free thought i think, hey, wouldn’t it be so satisfying to make yourself bleed again? and yes! it would be satisfying! but that’s not a pit i want to fall into again. it had me for years and it took even more years to break. and even though I have the awareness to not go through with it and can recognize it’s not actually going to help in the long run, it’s so exhausting when that’s my first go-to solution. And like yeah I usually have those thoughts anyway but I’ve had such a great system of friends and people I love who love me also that it was easier to get past. There were people there for me  who cared and because I knew they cared I could get through the rough patches. But now I don’t have those people. I don’t have any support. There’s nobody who cares about me. So then my loneliness gets to me and i get even more depressed and anxious and I keep spiraling, and those thoughts get worse and harder to fight off. it was those thoughts of intense “lets hurt ourselves really badly :D” that made me want to go to the hospital. I literally had the thought of “If I go to the hospital and they say I’m not severe enough to be admitted, I’ll just grab a pen and stab my leg to prove to them I need help.” Which is neither good nor healthy, but it would be so easy

instead i ended up crying for three hours and started thinking the circumstances that lead me here

and like. i will admit, and i have admitted dozens of times, hundreds of times to myself, that I made a mistake. I know that. I told them that. That was the first fucking thing I said. all i can think about is that singular, one, individual, tiny little blunder. and how despite me acknowledging it and coming clean with it and trying to talk about it, it was blown up and out of proportion and thrown in my face. they took my misstep and every single one of them twisted it and manipulated it into something far from the truth, something that painted me as a terrible person, as a secret asshole, as a huge toxic influence, as a deceitful and unappreciative person. They all threw out everything about our friendship in favor of ignoring what I’d said and assuming something far from the truth, the truth I laid out for them no less.

and then when i asked if i could clarify and communicate, they told me no. then blamed me for not communicating!!

thats all i ever tried to do! was communicate

From day one the group said hey if there’s a problem, be open with it and we’ll talk about it. we communicate to solve problems because we’re all friends and cherish each other.

what a load of shit.

i tried to communicate. I laid out my problem and then everybody else got involved, said I wasn’t allowed to talk about that with them, then they called me back like some kind of court and judge and jury and told me because I didn’t communicate, I was being kicked out. That’s not fair. I wasn’t treated fairly. I wasn’t even allowed to clarify whatever the hell they thought. They straight up told me no, you can’t talk about this with us. That’s not communication. That’s hypocritically shutting me down.

“Communicate with us Jask!”

“Okay I will send communication”

“Op! You’re not allowed :) We agreed you can’t talk to us :) You’re being kicked out :) Oh But Don’t Feel Unwelcome We Want To Fix This.” Then they all fuckin. moved into a space without me in it. That’s not welcoming. That’s exclusionary. That’s not communicating either. I’ve been handed a double standard that I can’t do anything about because I’m not allowed to even say hello to these people

How does anyone expect things to get better if I’m not being given the chance I was promised? its been. five. weeks. I’m ? so fucking tired and sad and alone, waiting every fucking day in the hopes that someone is going to actually talk to me again. then I finally pass out in near tears at 3am because another day has passed with none of them caring enough to even ask if im okay

and like. i desperately want to talk to them. i dont know what id say but. i dont know. i dont know. im not allowed to, for one. they made that crystal fucking clear. but again what would i even say?

do i say im sorry? i apologized dozens of times and it never made a difference, they ignored my apologies from the start and im certain they ignored the ones at the end too. and im terrified of saying sorry to the only person who really matters in this situation because im certain she’s going to cut me off if i even breathe in her direction

do I say that i miss them? what’s that going to do? it feels manipulative to say that. like hey pity me into talking to me again? i cant do that. im sure none of them miss me anyway so why would i put myself on the spot like that

do i admit im afraid to talk to them? again that also feels, bad, because the last time i admitted a feeling it drove them all away in an instant. and like also that feels like im backing them into a corner where they have to respond. and i dont want to force that. so it feels like talking is making the same mistake that made them kick me out. and like. what if...talking really does make it worse? what if talking is what ruins it even though talking is what they told me they want?

again there’s the double standard. be honest and communicate, but if you’re honest and communicate you’re rejected outright and made into the bad guy.

at this point its been so long

and i’ve deteriorated so much

i dont know if like. i just. i dont know...if more deterioration, if more waiting, and more dashed hope is worth it ?

i dont even know if they still want to repair things. what if they dont? what if they never did? what if they lied? what if they sit in their little group and talk poorly about me? what if they made bets about how long it’ll take me to leave or unfriend them like my isolation was some sort of game? what if they think i hate them? what if they really DO hate me? what if they moved on and want to forget about me? what if they regret knowing me at all? what if they wish they never knew me? what if they’re happy without me? what if 

oh boy i started crying again

what if this entire month of waiting and crying and wishing and grieving and hoping and loneliness was a waste of time? what if this was all for nothing? what if i never get to talk to them again? i. man. i just. i really really really miss everyone. i miss them so much. i miss them so fucking much. i dont know what to do. I m. fuck. im miserable. i wish i hadn’t said anything i wish i had kept my mouth shut i wish i never tried i wish i never did any of that i wish i had my friends i wish i could go back i wish i could talk to them

if i didnt say anything at least i’d be happy and id have everything and i would have my best friends in the whole world and id, fuck man thats really it, id be happy. im  so fucking awul

im so. i. i cant see the scvreen i need to go wash up and stop

#hello void its me ya boi #back again with a new hit single #It's Not A Relapse If You Recovered Six Years Ago #by fall out boy #tw/cw for people who are curious about this ramble #tw self harm #cw self harm #tw intrusive thoughts #cw intrusive thoughts #but also general self loathing and crippling loneliness

[honeymoonjin]

pre-elimination thoughts

hello here is a compiled list of all the asks i woke up to this morning relating to the elimination ksdjfks please enjoy 

If u see it from the pov of yn like actually that the person yn said “lets vote kook off after he shared his feelings and got provoked abt it” thats gonna hurt koo so much and he probably will completely shut himself off/ maybe even ask to leave the house if sora allows that?😳 and for yall b’s to vote him off!!! I’ll never forgive yall if sora announces that he got voted off fr fr!!!

Listen I’m not trying to be hateful but what did tae give us this week in comparison to JK??? Did he give us a whole scene? did he take the time to set up the gym into an exam room? Give us a sexy doctor moment?? No. He gave us some relatively mild puppy play which is fine!! But i mean compared to everyone else’s scene?? JK needs his moment, needs US on his side! Tae will still have jimin if he gets eliminated but koo needs a moment to shine! #byetae #savejk

I just remembered the elimination is based on sex...i voted the wrong person😞

why are people kicking off hoseok what did my man do

I’m gonna day this once. Vote koo out and I’m coming for kneecaps. There is so much potential there with the Maknae line. Listen hear me out the candidate that would hurt the least is hobi I know he was gonna get booted last week but like he’s the one that is the least emotionally attached to yn ya feel?! And also I feel like this opens up opportunities for him to dick down other members…. not naming names but *cough* jimin *cough* anyways that’s my tea if Jungkook is booted this week Readers …. I’m cracking my knuckles and we’re fucking throwing hands accept there won’t be a Seokjin and Yoongi to hold me back when I push y’all on a coffee table 😤😤🥱🥱👊🏾👊🏾

jimin may of instigated the fight, but jungkook threw the first punch and to me that’s a lot worse

the way it just took me five minutes to vote 💀 and 4 minutes and 55 seconds of those 5, i was just staring at my wall contemplating

Let's try and think with the few braincells we have left fam. Hoseok scenes are the most fun to read bc he is extremely confident and also one of the most experienced in the house. DON'T VOTE HIM OUT. A lot of the others could have a great storyline just hanging out in the house and creating sexual tension and drama. HOSEOK SHINES WHEN HE'S PERFORMING AND BEING A HARD ASS CONFINDENT SEXY DOM. PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU DON'T VOTE HIM OUT JUST YET.

i swear to fucking god i y'all vote hoseok out i'm rioting

People out here fighting for who should get eliminated but I'm here cant even figure out who to vote for cause I love all of them so much,,,, BUT IF ANYONE EVEN COMES NEAR MY BABY JIMIN AND YOONGI AND KOO IM KILLING ON SIGHT -jimin slap me anon

Ngl y’all wish I could vote y/n out 😂😂😂 girl gets into a relationship on a porn show... with 2 guys she doesn’t really seem to even like that much in a romantic way. Idk I’m fine with vmin but I don’t like the poly :/ not because it’s poly just because it doesn’t make sense + it’s complicating a lot of shit. I love the story though so I’m gonna keep reading it I just don’t agree with the relationship. I don’t think she should have a relationship with any of them until the show is over

Aaah this chapter was so good but also a mess 😭 I literally don’t know who to choose, I would actually be the worst in such a situation because I hate making decisions like that! I‘m seeing all those aggressive asks you’re getting and I‘m just sitting in the corner over here instead trying to deal with emotions 🥺 I just hope they’re all going to be alright in the end!!

I sent u two asks already queen and it def shows what good of a job you've done but this time let me be selfish for a second Because these anons are pissing me OFF! I can't believe so many people are in favour of voting Taekook out bro I'm really gonna pull a Kook and fight yall in the living room like UR really gonna break their hearts like that? JKS gonna blame himself for opening up and Tae will be devastated that he cant touch MC since touch is one of his love languages! Yall make Me SIQUE!

im voting tae out bc imo his scene was v plain. I get that pet play is out there n kinky but it was boring. While the hopekook scene with y/n was explosive it felt like tae having jimin there for his scene was a cop out. n then they did their dumb poly thing which should honestly be against the rules. WHAT SNAKES! also ngl but i feel like jimins been such a b to hopekook all the time FOR WHAT! im voting out tae for this week n jimin after. VMIN CAN GO FUCK EACH OTHER IN THE BUNKS FOR ALL OF TIME

Please please please don’t throw JK under the bus, if he gets eliminated his mental state is going to crumble even more than it already did, poor baby boy doesn’t deserve to get eliminated specially if we vote solely on the sex, because this man really went all out with his prompt, he was so diligent with staying in character and all, AND come on y’all did you not read the part in which he was being taken out crying while saying how sorry he was for the mess? We can’t break his heart even more

#kickjk2020 vminy/n for the win ‼️😼

Okay I’m sorry for yelling in my last ask BUT I’d be lying if I said I couldn’t relate to the way jk reacted bc I’d definitely feel the same as him that, doesn’t make the actions he took right but I mean have y’all really never felt that upset and alone before? You’re up against a wall with no where to go dude. Ofc you’re gonna lash out. His prompt was AMAZING he put in so much effort and it was SPICEY. And he felt so apologetic after the fight. He needs more time please:(((( #SaveJungkook

Ok but what i think some of us don’t get is that the elimination vote is from Y/N’s perspective, right? So how in the world will that go down? After all this, her voting Jk off. So, what i’m saying is #saveSora and #savejk

that chapter was so emotionally exhausting 😓 you’re such a great writer but it breaks my heart nonetheless. I guess that’s all I have to say about the chapter. but as far as voting, my choices are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. cause one I want to vote out based off of sex, and the other strictly based on emotion. uugh I can’t decide (even though I know you want it based on sex). my final statement I’ll campaign for is PLEASE don’t vote out jin or joon 🥺 #savejin&joon

I see ask about voting my man Jimin or sweet baby boy jk and even sweet taetae out while I'm here wondering if we can veto yn out 😔 i get her pov but damn im really pissed that she just gets "plant mode on" in situations like this

I’m so sorry for my baby but Tae is the one who has to go, c’mon everyone he is the safest option! He will still have Jimin and he can still have fun with the rest of the gentlemen, and you can’t tell me that he wouldn’t enjoy just watching and/ or punishing y/n when she decides that she can’t keep her hands to herself, HE WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO ENJOY BEING ON THE SHOW WITHOUT THE SEX WITH Y/N BECAUSE WE’VE SEEN HIM ENJOY SEXY TIMES WITH THE OTHER GENTLEMEN! HE CAN STILL BE HAPPY IF HE GOES

If koo gets voted off I'm actually going to c r y just-

if y’all vote my baby koo out i will personally hunt you down and crack your spine like a fucking glowstick xx

PEOPLE DONT VOTE KOOK OFF. HE LET OFF SOME STEAM NOW ALL WE NEED IS FOR HIM TO APOLOGIZE AND MAKE THINGS RIGHT 😭

PLEASE DONT HURT KOO IM LEAVE THE BABY ALONE OKAY???:(((((((

#SAVEYOONGI WE GOT THE TINIEST CRUMB OF HIS FEELINGS ON THE COUCH WITH Y/N THE NIGHT OF THE THREESOME AND I WANT THOSE FEELINGS TO FLOURISH 👁️👁️

i’m sorry but if we’re voting by who did they prompt the worst you have got to choose seokjin. i feel so bad for him because the thing ab his feelings just came out but the most interesting scene he’s had up until now was the threesome with yoongi. if i could, everyone would keep participating but in this moment, seokjins the obvious choice to me

luckily it wasn’t as many as i thought but still fsdjfkjks phew yall are passionate ;;-;

[cactusmadre]

Nexplanon, The birth control from hell.

I'm so serious, please make sure that you review both positive and negative effects. I only read the positive effects when I got it inserted in Jan. 7th 2017. I was scared that Trump was going to destroy plan parenthood so I went for the implant because I would much rather be baby free during his ruling than go to the clinic one day for the pill and find the clinic shut down because of him. 🙄

Insertion was pain free & I was so happy when I got it.

It took only a few mins and I walked out to go get some breakfast. I was told it should get rid of my heavy and painful periods and that it wasn't going to have a lot of symptoms.

THE HELL BEGINS!!!!!

A month later I noticed I gained 2 pounds

My flawless skin is no longer flawless like baby girl is looking rough I go from exhibit 1 to exhibit 2 over night basically.

To this

My depression sky rockets, my mood swings are bad and I can't help it. It makes me feel so bad because I can't control it

I go to the gym 5 days out of the week, eat fast food 1 to 2 times a week. I meal prep for school and eat a lot of healthy foods. I only drink water and hot teas with occasional 4 shot lattes with NO ADDED SUGAR. JUST ALMOND MILK. I was 129lbs when I got it inserted (I'm about to cry typing this) I AM CURRENTLY 179LBS!

No matter how hard I try I can not lose the weight. It's like I keep gaining. My husband and friends are shook because they know I don't over eat or drink my sugars etc. Im always going to the gym after school even though I get out at 9pm and have to be up at 5AM, 7 days a week.

MY SEX LIFE IS DEAD. I dead ass could not figure out what was going on with me. My sex drive was low....like I couldn't even think about sex without cringing or kiss my husband without feeling weird. I thought it was me and I was so confused even questioning if maybe I didnt find my husband no longer attractive..HONEY. I find out it's not just me and that it is a symptom A LOT OF PEOPLE EXPERIENCE WHEN ON IT.

Also I have experienced major stomach issues like...puking and a LOT OF RUNNY POOPS! I've never been this sick. I'm LITERALLY ALWAYS SICK. AND I KNOW MY CO WORKERS ARE TIRED OF ME CALLING OUT. BUT HONEEEEYYYY I BE SHOOTING OUT BOTH ENDS IM ALWAGS DYING I DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO NOT BE SICK.

I get so irritated fast. Like I get super petty with small things like my husband didnt buy me a baked potato like I asked him to. He was supposed to bring it to me for lunch and instead wanted to take me out for lunch....I was so irritated my mood swings were everywhere. Like anything triggers mood swings fast.

My head always hurts

My body always hurts it's like I'm an old dinosaur. Everything feels broken. I've had ovarian pain and belly button pain. Got sent home from school went to urgent care and sent STRAIGHT TO THE ER. THEY DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME. LOL THANKS NEXPLANON AND THANKS GOVERNMENT I HAVE NO HEALTH INSURANCE AND GET SENT A HUGE BILL WITH NO SOULTION TO MY PROBLEM OR DIAGNOSIS. IM IN DEBT NOW. And I'm not the only one covered in ER Bill's because of unbarely death like pain. I could barely move.

I'm always so tired....like I can sleep whenever I never want to go out cause I'm mentally, physically and emotionally tired. I'll make plans then never show up cause I rather be asleep. I can go to sleep for 10 hours and still wake up exhausted.

My arm has had mild pain in it since I got it inserted. I cant do arms at the gym because my. Left arm feels weak and I'm A COSMETOLOGY STUDENT....THE IMPLANT CAUSES MUSCLE SPASMS WHEN IM CUTTING HAIR. OR WHEN IM MAKING LATTES AT WORK. It has gotten so much worse.

Last week, my implant started twerking? Under my skin and my classmates could see it twerking hard. Then came the sharp pain.....SHARP MURDER LIKE PAIN. AND I SAT IN MY CAR AND CRIED AFTER I LEFT WORK. I called the clinic it was closed for MLK day. I called Novant and they told me they were gonna look it. Then I called a few hours later after getting off work and another lady picked up who was super rude and was like cant do it. I just cried all afternoon.

I started getting NAUSEOUS last night and my arm was just numb with pain and when I moved it in my sleep it went straight to a stabbing pain. I got up for work and in insertion spot is swollen and slight bruising and I can barely move my arm. So I had to tell work peace out today and I'm on my way to the health clinic to get it out asap. I'm done and so over nexplanon.

#nexplanon #do not armour up #2 years of hell #birth control #negative effects of birth control #contraception #iud #hormonal iud #arm insertion #hormonal effect #stop nexplanon #bye nexplanon #birth control from hell

[sawyersick]

1 through 69 because you gotta twin with me

OMG ASDFGHJKL

aight here goes bitchez

1. are you religious?

nahh but my parents sent me to church camp when I was in elementary school??? For the cheap childcare I guess???

2. what animal do you think you’re most like?

I haven’t thought about this much but I think a field mouse!!

3. how do you take your coffee?

never……………………… I hate coffee

4. how old were you when you had your first kiss?

my mom’s bosses son forced himself on me when we were 6 lol so I don’t count that……….. so 15 i guess (according to my friend, if there’s no hormones it doesn’t count lol)

5. museum date or aquarium date?

AQUARIUM AQUARIUM AQUARIUM

6. do you have any tattoos or piercings? do you want more?

Just my ears are pierced and I have a whale (badly) tattooed on my hip I’ll post pix if you want but its pretty uggo

I want another whale on the other side so I’ll be symmetrical and a triangle hand tat….. maybe an eyeball tat (a tattoo of an eyeball…. not one on my eye lol)? I’m not really interested in anymore piercings tho

7. favorite fruits?

strawberries!!!

8. favorite vegetables?

when I was 12 I ate so many carrots my skin turned orange and my mom thought I had jaundice

also I heckin love mushrooms

9. i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)

I’ll only date you if you treat me with respect :(

10. do you cry a lot?

yeah lol at least twice a month minimum

11. who are your closest friends?

I don’t really have any? I’ve felt distant from my irl friends lately so idk probably just demo

12. have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?

I did the walk out for gun violence

13. do you play any video games?

helllllls yeah but I usually only play 3/ds

14. did you ever have an emo or scene phase?

yes and I think I’m still in it rip

15. what color is most of your wardrobe?

I think I wear a lot of blue! and black and white too i guess…… I’m trying to add more reds tho

16. what do you like to do for fun?

I bake and sew and draw! and listen to music

17. what is your biggest fear?

body horror tw for this one rip

being abandoned, being forced to do horrifically gross/unclean stuff, getting my eyes gouged out, getting the bones in my hands broken, getting acid poured on my face, the people around me dying, being forced to eat live slugs, getting my skin peeled off with a knife

18. name a subject you know a lot about.

whales/the ocean in general and baking!! and the band Liily

19. favorite fictional characters?

hm idk? Link and Zelda from LoZ, Clover and Snake and Aoi from 999, rhyme from TWEWY, Maka and Soul from Soul Eater, Storm from the Xmen, Ariel from the Little Mermaid, Chun Li, the Kagamines, Rilakkuma

idk I just thought about characters I have merch for

20. do you read a lot? what are your favorite books?

I used to??? Haven’t had the time for it in a while though and I’ve been reading a lot of how-to books as of late….. I really liked the Legend trilogy though

21. how would you describe your style?

art style and fashion style would both be classified as “cute but tries to be edgy” I think

22. did you have a favorite stuffed animal when you were little? do you still own it?

Yes!! a pastel elephant with a rattle in it named Elephant (very creative I know) He’s in my stuff somewhere now and this question reminded me to go find him again

23. what’s something most people love that you hate?

hmmm…. sports? mustard? airpods???? idk

24. do you think you’re a good singer?

actually yes? I wanna be in a band but I’m lowkey afraid of singing in front of people I know but have no problem doing it in front of an audience of strangers hmu if you’re in the SF bay area I’ve written 6 punk songs

25. who do you live with?

my parents and cat

26. favorite desserts?

ice cream, anything with chocolate or whipped cream, creme brulee, lemon tarts

I’m not too picky though lol

27. what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

realizing that I can actually do mostly whatever I want and most things have fewer consequences than I think

also cutting people out of my life that emotionally exhaust me

28. favorite makeup brands?

uhhhh whatever’s cheap and doesn’t make my eyes burn ig urban decay is good when I can afford it

29. favorite clothing stores/brands?

Goodwill??? I used to shop at f21 but I try not to anymore

30. what was your first job?

working at a lake teaching windsurfing and sailing and I still work there

31. do you take a lot of naps?

n o  I absolutely  h a t e  taking naps and try to avoid them

32. what is your favorite part about your body?

hmm I have pretty good hair i think and sometimes my eyes? I have huge (genetic) eyebags tho which gets me down

33. are you more dominant or more submissive?

In day to day life I guess I’m more dominant??? like I make decisions when nobody else wants to :0 also idk intimately since iM aN aDuLt vIrGiN and pretty sex repulsed but probably sub 

34. are you more outgoing or more shy?

outgoing but sometimes it makes me annoying

35. how tall are you?

short…………………………. 4′8/143 cm

36. what is your body type?

uhh hourglass????? maybe pear I got them Thunder Thighs according to the guy who got kicked out of drama club for peeping in the girls changing room

37. favorite flower?

calendula, sunflowers, lavender and dianthus!!

38. favorite planet?

Neptune??????????????????

39. what do you want to dress up as for halloween this year?

I wanna be the bride of frankentstein but in a shiro lolita coordinate to make her look ~fancy~ or the Nancy part of Sid and Nancy if I’m in a relationship by that time

40. do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

Ideally the same age and I’m wary of dating anyone more than 2 years younger or older than me but I’m more willing to date older than younger

41. describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.

yall know who it is already but

in a band, dark hair, kinda tall, very fashionable, coincidentally happens to be the same racial mix as me, good at art, very humble, really sweet, lives in SoCal, has a hand tattoo of milk and “aye yah” on his arm, paints his nails orange, wears a lot of rings, gets freckles in the summer, prefers vanilla over chocolate, ties his shoes the cool way

42. who is your biggest inspiration?

idk at the moment? I like to draw from many inspirations

43. do you have any kinks?

???????????????????????????????????

44. do you own any pets?

one (1) very loving cat

45. which celebrity do people say you look the most like?

……………………….. myself

I literally had to google mixed race celebrities and STILL none look like me lol

46. do you like sports?

not really except I weirdly like baseball

47. have you ever seen a broadway musical?

Yes!! I won tickets to On Your Feet and Charlie and The Chocolate Factory

I also won Hamilton tickets but saw it in SF yall should download the app

48. what is your favorite kind of food?

noodles!!

49. would you rather be a fairy or a mermaid?

MERMAID actually I have a mermaid tail too so

50. what is your instagram?

@wishwhale :)

51. glossy lips or matte lips?

glossy by default because I have chronically dry skin/lips so matte lips are sooooooooooooooo uncomfy but it looks good on other people lol

52. do you like cherry, grape, blue raspberry, watermelon, or green apple jolly ranchers the best?

grape because im weird

53. what are your best personality traits?

I’d like to think that I’m kind and sometimes funny

54. what is your ethnicity?

asian/white

55. what different hair colors have you had?

brown and brown with pink that was supposed to be purple

56. favorite disney princess?

Ariel! bc mermaid

57. favorite album of 2017?

Humanz by Gorillaz  or Deep Dream by Daddy Issues I guess

I was weirdly obsessed with Feel Your Feelings Fool when it came out but I’m not really into it anymore though

58. have you ever had braces?

nah

59. favorite holiday?

Halloween! Because dressing up is fun

60. post a selfie.

how do I make this smaller anyways I don’t normally wear this much makeup but I’m going to a small show tonight

61. are you a good swimmer?

Yes!! I swim once a week at my local pool

62. do you wear jewelry?

I used to wear a lot………. like multiple necklaces and bracelets and rings daily but now I wear my ring every day and a necklace/earrings if I remember

63. can you play any instruments?

I’m learning guitar!!

64. do you have any siblings?

short answer is no but you can dm me for the long answer

65. are your grandparents still alive? how old are they?

just my maternal grandmother and she is almost 90! My paternal grandmother lived to 102 so I’m hoping for those good genes though (I think she would have lived longer because my family suspects elder abuse by my weird aunt)

66. who knows the most about you?

hmm probably Demo or Emily

67. are you a more quiet person or do you talk a lot?

I! Never! Shut! Up!

68. what advice would you give to your 13 year old self?

shut the fuck up you stupid bitch you arent cool

69. how many pillows do you sleep on?

two

#ask #ask meme #my face #shut up sawyer #long post #loooooooooooooooong post

[just-an-anxious-mess]

Rejection

Part 2 Part 3

Trigger Warnings: mentions of violence and blood

"I love you."

Those three words were all he wanted to hear from the trait in front of him.

They were the three words he was dying to say back.

He'd dreamed of having them said to him but this wasn't the way he wanted it.

The tone of voice was mocking, cruel, and there was a sneer on the traits face.

"I love you. Is that what you want to hear from me Logan?"

Logan swallowed, trying to ignore the way his body was shaking, the way his eyes burned with tears he refused to let fall.

"I...." Logan started but was cut off by the trait in front of him.

"I thought you were supposed to be the logical one? The one who thought reasonably and rationally?"

Logan opened his mouth to try and speak but was once again cut off.

"You're delusional if you think I could ever love you. You're a boring, emotionally stunted, nerd. We have nothing in common except being part of Thomas. The closest emotion I feel for you is irritation. That's all you are to me Logan. An annoyance. Go back to your room and cry into a puzzle or something. That's if you're emotional enough to manage actual tears."

Logan was frozen for a second, his usually fast brain now struggling to comprehend what had just been said to him.

When it eventually caught up Logan couldn't stop the tears that ran down his face and for a few seconds he stared at the trait before him, who looked mildly surprised at the genuine tears sliding down his cheeks.

Then he turned and bolted.

He barely paid attention to where he was running, his sight blurry with tears.

He collided with someone and crashed to the floor, barely registering their voice as they asked if he was OK.

"Logan? Are you crying? What's wrong?" they asked and Logan scrambled to his feet and dashed away again, ignoring the shouts for him to come back.

He burst through a random door and noticed how much darker everything was but didn't care he kept running, blinded by tears and trying to find some way to get rid of the ache in his chest.

He found himself at a dead end and leant against the wall, sliding down it as his hands came up to cover his face while he cried.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" a voice said from the shadows but Logan didn't even react, he was too lost in his own pain.

The figure stepped forward and placed a hand on Logans shoulder but once again received no reaction.

The traits mismatched eyes narrowed in confusion and he asked "What are you doing here?"

Logan raised his head, his eyes locking onto Deceit for a few seconds before he muttered "escaping." and put his head back in his hands, sobbing silently.

Deceit was caught off guard by the tears and was about to speak when a familiar voice called out Logans name.

Logan didn't appear to hear so Deceit walked towards the familiar voice.

"It's been a while, what brings you back to this, and I quote, 'Dark cesspit full of sadistic fucks'?"

"Shut up Deceit! I'm looking for Logan." Growled Virgil with a glare at the snake faced trait.

"Aw Virgey, I didn't know you cared so much for the nerd." Deceit taunted with a smirk.

"Just move out of the way or I swear I will physically hurt you." Virgil threatened and Deceit sighed.

"Fiiiiine, he's over here but he's not much for conversation. He's 'escaping' or something. That's the only thing he's said to me so far which is odd considering he usually never shuts up about some random fact he's found out."

Virgil shook his head in annoyance at Deceit before quickly locating Logan and kneeling next to him in concern.

"Logan? It's me, Virgil, you bumped into me and then ran off and I couldn't help but notice you were crying. What happened?"

Logan sniffed and managed to whisper out "He... He doesn't love me back. He called me d...delusional."

Virgils jaw dropped. "What? Tell me everything that happened!"

Logans head being in his hands meant his voice was slightly muffled but as he explained everything Virgil and Deceit could still understand everything he was saying.

When Logan had finished talking Virgil looked about ready to murder someone while Deceits smirk had been replaced with a pitying expression.

"Dee, stay with Logan. I need to pay a certain someone a little visit." Virgil muttered, getting to his feet.

"Go give him hell Virge." Deceit said, sitting next to Logan.

Virgil stormed back into the main mindspace, his face one of pure rage.

He looked for the others and realised they were both with Thomas in the real world.

He wasted no time in popping up, not caring what Thomas thought as he stomped over to the trait responsible for hurting Logan and thundered "How absolutely fucking dare you!"

Before anyone in the room could react Virgils hand shot out and a loud smack sounded around the silent room.

"Virgil, what?"

"Shut the fuck up! Do you have any idea what you've fucking done?" Virgil shouted.

"Um... Virgil?" Thomas asked, his eyes wide in shock and confusion.

Virgil turned to Thomas, his eyes blazing with fury. "This piece of literal shit has absolutely destroyed Logan."

"I..."

"What did you do?" Thomas asked sending the trait a rare glare.

"Logan is currently sobbing his broken heart out to Deceit of all people because this... This.... This heartless bastard.... Not only rejected him but he ripped him apart viciously with his words. Logan is not emotionally stunted! Or boring for that matter!" Virgil struggled to come up with an insult that was extreme enough.

"Roman! Is that true?" gasped Patton in horror.

Roman gulped and avoided everyone's eyes.

There was a flash of movement and suddenly Roman let out a cry of pain, clutching his nose which was now bleeding all over his normally pristine white outfit.

Patton was shaking feeling back into his hand from where he'd punched Roman. "I normally don't condone violence but you.... I'm absolutely disgusted with you." he said in a low angry tone.

"Thomas, what we were discussing can wait, me and Virgil need to go check on Logan." Patton said, turning to the host.

"yeah... Go." Thomas managed to say and the two of them immediately went back to the mindspace.

They ran through the door that separated the main mindspace and the 'darker' mindspace and came to a stop when they found Logan slumped against an uncomfortable looking Deceit.

"He cried himself into exhaustion and fell asleep on me." Deceit explained in a quiet voice.

Patton sighed sadly and knelt down next to Deceit. "I'll take over, you can go now if you want."

Deceit stood up when Logans weight was lifted from him and looked over at Virgil. "Did you give that creative fuck hell?"

Virgil smirked "Patton busted his nose."

Deceit snorted "A broken nose in exchange for a broken heart? Sounds almost fair."

Deceit glanced back over at Logan and his gaze softened slightly. "He's completely broken, I don't know if he's ever going to go back to what he was like before."

"Unfortunately I think you're right, Logan took a while to get used to the idea he could actually express his feelings and now, thanks to fuck boi extraordinaire, he's just going to revert back to keeping his emotions locked away." Virgil muttered, sending a glance at where Logan was laying in Pattons lap.

"Although I don't agree with your use of language I do agree that Roman has quite spectacularly ruined things." Patton commented.

There was silence as the three of them  exchanged worried looks. None of them knew how this was going to be resolved, or if it even could be and the thought that Logan may never recover was terrifying.

Tags:@amethystdarkwolf @mcfreakin-childproof-caps @patchworkofstars @kitkat-doodles @unikornavenger @dolphin-squirrel @sympathetic-deceit-trash @starryfirefliesbloggo @cakercanart @neonb-fly @kaymischief25 @punsterterry @aprilthevene @theoddkidnextdoor @fuckingemoace @i-sold-my-soul-to-thefandom @im-so-infinitesimal @sea-blue-child @thecatchat @iris-sanders-athena @saphael-malec102 @smedenn @corkeecoderyt @sopi-montezzz @illogicaldeath @deadpanstar

#just an anxious mess's fics #logan sanders #logan angst #sympathetic deceit #virgil sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #logince #logince angst #tw violence #tw blood

[celestialsoft]

⤻   *       GREETINGS AND HELLO !!!! :   IT IS I   ,   ADMIN EDIE !    HERE ONCE AGAIN HERE TO POST AN INTRO  :~))))  

this time i’m here to introduce you to my tenderhearted wee bab of an angel who clears my skin and grows by crops tBH, FRANK KANGDAE LONGBOTTOM, my lionhearted boi who deserves e v e r y t h i n g ( literally ; empty out your pockets and give EVERYTHING u have to frankleface longbooty—— he . deserves . it . all . !!!!! ) if you’d like to plot, please like this post or hmu in my im’s & without further ado —— here’s frank ! pls love him

⤻   *       APPLICATION   —— !

* ╰    ( KIM YOUNGKYUN )┋have you met ( FRANKLIN KANGDAE LONGBOTTOM ) ? ( he ) reminds me of ( deep loneliness and deep kindness grown in equal parts —— and he speaks, so overcome with love, that i forget we are at war. he grew up hanging lanterns on hilltops to make sure the moon could see at night ; and practiced catching droplets of rain with his lips —— because even the clouds deserved a little romance. ' i infinitesimal being, drunk with the great starry void ' —— tenderhearted boy , luminescent boy : boy frightened , boy destroyed. unravelled by kindness ; compassion consumed —— on the precipice of supernova , he burns brightest in the darkest hour. he looks to me as if he were a man forged entirely of tenderness and the sun ; yet he is the sweet nocturne that plays despite how the beginning of the end has begun ). a ( twenty-one ) year old ( tenth ) year ( gryffindor ), the ( paladin ) is known to be ( + tenderhearted & + clement ), yet ( — oversolicitous & — pensive ). that explains why they’re majoring in ( healing ). rumour has it, ( frank ) is siding with ( the order ) in the solemn war that blazes beyond the castle walls. ( edie, 22, aedt, she/her )

⤻   *       ABOUT FRANK  ——   !!

ahhhhh, frank longbottom —— where do i even start ????? if there’s just one thing that you should absolutely know about frank longbottom, it is that he is a gosh darn heckin’ angel. his heart is ??? so ??? genuinely pure ??? just thinking about it makes me want to tear up tbh

frank is the kind of boy who will charge straight into the carnage and chaos of the whomping willow to save a cat. he’s the kind of boy who hangs out by the edge of the black lake, worried that the giant squid is feeling lonely. he’s the kind of boy who sees the potential for good in everyone & everything, and is genuinely confused and appalled by acts of unkindness and malice when they occur. he chooses the path of benevolence, always, and he wants to keep everyone he loves safe so he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders and feels like it is up to him, & him alone, to SAVE THE WORLD and make it a better place. i repeat for you my fronds : frank longbottom gosh darn heckin’ angel. but my god, is he a broken one.

⤻   *       BACKGROUND   ——   !!

frank was born into a sacred 28 pureblood family who cared very little for blood purity, but a whole lot for social justice & fighting for what is right. thomas and augusta longbottom first met at the ministry of magic, where their ‘ left-wing ’ progressive ideas about wizard / muggle / magical creature relations brought them together. their love brought frank longbottom into the world ; a child who was, from an early age, exposed to concepts of in/equality, systematic oppression, privilege, biased public policy, and injustice through his parents.

under the steady & tireless virtuous guidance of his mother and father, frank longbottom bloomed from infancy into childhood with a strong sense of egalitarianism & selflessness that most children only learned well into adolescence, and he had an awareness of the injustices of the world that many people did not gain even well into adulthood. yet despite his parent’s rather strict & heavy hand in discipline, there was always a remarkable air of benevolence and incorruptibility about frank that refused to be befouled.

nevertheless, frank was a terribly lonely child. he was homeschooled by a thoroughly screened, left-wing half-blood governess, and she was just about his only connection to the outside world. it goes without saying that sacred 28 pureblood socialising events & parties were off-limits and out of the question for frank, and since the longbottoms lived in suburban muggle england, frank was always too scared to socialise with many of the children in his neighbourhood, fearful that he would accidentally expose his magical lineage & incur terrible consequences for his folly. shut away in a house of absolute virtue and morality, frank longbottom was a victim of utter loneliness & never got to experience the world his parents adamantly taught and trained him to save … until his letter from hogwarts arrived, that is.

⤻   *       HOGWARTS   ——   !!

frank was a heckin’ confusing four-way house hat stall during his sorting. the hat sensed the resolute loyalty and benevolence of hufflepuff in him, the love and respect for knowledge and learning of ravenclaw in him & the tenacity and ambition to achieve his goals of slytherin in him, but ultimately, the sorting hat settled on “ GRYFFINDOR ! ”, declaring its choice with a booming roar. above all, the sorting hat sensed frank to be brave —— willing ( & desperate, even ) to fight for what is right. it’s a shame that frank, to this day, doesn’t seem to see this bravery in himself. but by the warm beacon of the gryffindor common room fireplace, under the twinkling candlelights of the great hall, and at the top of the astronomy tower ( the stars and galaxies at the reach of his very own fingertips ), frank, at hogwarts has grown to be exactly the kind of person his parents have always wanted him to be : stalwartly true ; combatting hate with kindness, and enveloping cruelty with warmth. he loves deeply and vastly, and he honestly radiates this other-worldy quality of brightness ??? he’s the light in the dark, and oh how he shines. 

however —— the fact that he’s already grown into someone that his parents are proud of doesn’t stop frank from still wanting to be better, and wanting to save the world. what frank doesn’t realise is that he can hardly save the world if he can’t first save himself. he’s constantly emotionally and physically exhausted ; spending every moment of his time helping those around him and making sure to change to the world one kind act at a time. slowly but surely, frank’s bleeding heart and compulsion for kindness is coming to the point of being harmful to his own health and wellbeing. 

so yeah … … . though frank is falling apart, he never lets this show & he really tries to never make this anyone else’s problem. through the haze of responsibility and moral duty that has always clouded frank’s life, there’s still a profound tenderness and warmth about him ; and among all his advocations and efforts towards justice & peacetime, it’s difficult to discern just how deeply scared, lost, and confused the boy is in a world that refuses to cease changing right before his very eyes ; an inevitable war upon the horizon. 

⤻   *       LITTLE HEADCANONS   ——   !!

frank has always been V MAGICALLY GIFTED. he showed his first signs of magic when he was just one and a half, when he had a terrible nightmare & woke up screaming in the middle of the night. instead of waiting for his parents to come and calm him down though, frank simply closed his eyes & focused on his breathing. when his parents stumbled into the room ; sleep hazy in their eyes, they could hardly believe what they saw : the entire room, covered in flowers and lush foliage —— something that frank had somehow conjured up to keep himself calm ( b/c untamed childhood magic be CRAZY ). frank is now able to command wandless magic, which is a GODSEND tbh b/c he’s such a sleep-deprived mess & he loses his wand c o n s t a n t l y istG

being a sacred 28 pureblood with quite advanced magical abilities, frank has always been in high demand for pureblood partnership through an arranged marriage. his parents, have always hastily shot down offers ( bc they aren’t all up in that pureblooded nonsense ! ), but that hasn’t stopped pureblooded parents from reaching out anyway :/ yIKEs :/// 

frank is part of the slug club ,,,,,,,,,,,,, and like ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, every single other club / extracurricular. baby longbottom is an OVERACHIEVER EXTRAORDINAIRE —— YA BOI DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO CHILL. it’s not that frank is driven by any sort of particular ambition and self-interest, though ?? rather, frank’s heavy involvement in every aspect of school life stems from the aforementioned incredible pressure of his parent’s expectations ; frank applying himself to every possible aspect of school life and extracurriculars in the hopes that he will make them proud

frank has so little chill that he’s actually started sleepwalking … yikes ????? it probably doesn’t help that frank is involved in almost every sport club tbH, & he is also gryffindor quidditch team’s seeker. the thing is that he could never give any sport up. sport is so cathartic for frankie my boi, because it helps him forget his worries & his responsibilities. while he’s playing sport he is just a body —— he is pulsing blood, deep breaths & he is free.

⤻   *       OTHER FUN FACTS / GENERAL SUMMARY DOT POINTS ABOUT FRANKLEFACE LONGBOOTY   ——   !!

THE MOST CLEAN CUT KID OF THE YEAR AWARD GOES TO : frank longbottom, OFC. innuendo is lost on the kid ( he is v v v lost every time someone uses the word ‘ wand ’ as double entendre ), and has only consumed alcohol once in his life —— and even then, it was by accident ( it was in a spiked cherry berry trifle at an end of year christmas party back in first year ). 

LATELY, THOUGH, frank has taken up smoking. he does it in secret ; one cigarette every night in the astronomy tower, or by the black lake. if anyone ever found out about this frank would be MORTIFIED & would legitimately probably DIE of shame, so ………….. *coughs* someone pls walk in on him smoking one day. 

it’s so strange, because frank is incredibly in touch with the real travesties and injustices of the world, but in many ways he’s completely naive and lacking in real life experience. he is such an experientially sheltered kiddo, someone pls take him out and get him RAGING DRUNK bc he needs to chill out tbH

#mumfriend

takes literally 15 minutes out of each of his days to have a few conversations with a few of hogwarts’ cats ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, what a loser ??

gets excited when people ask him for help with their homework ( hELP ME ???? )

excels at all his subjects, but has a particular soft-spot for astronomy, herbology and care of magical creatures :’)

LOVES KNITTING —— stress knits a lot . he’d like to just knit the entire world up into a snug lil blanket and keep it safe and warm 

wants to single handedly save the world

did i mention ????? babe is a gosh dark heckin’ angel

in the mirror of erised, frank would see all his friends and family happy and smiling —— but he wouldn’t even be in the frame. mY HEART BREAKS OVER THIS HEADCANON TBH

frank has a cat named alexis de tocqueville 

i’ve run out of things to dot point & this is probably WAY TOO LONG ALREADY ANYWAY ??? so i’ll stop :o :o :o but please come and interact with my son ?!!!!!!??!? i love yall peace out

#solemnly:intros #hello greetings good morning how are u ? #my name is edie and i would die for frank longbottom ty the end goodbye #queued.

[okaystraykids-blog]

don’t go; it’s a mighty long fall

4 out of ??

Genre: fluff/angst/school ..

Seems like it’s going to turn out to be a hyunjin ff but we’ll see

WARNING: some mature themes

| the start of part 4 |

"I said I'm fine, Alice."

Hyunjin didn't speak for the rest of art, he didn't speak again until the end of graphic arts. "Sorry." I heard him softly mumble "Pardon?" "I'm sorry for being harsh, you're right. It is hard on us. But we're doing something we love and live for. That makes the pain worth it." I shook my head, "no I'm sorry for intruding." We tension in the air surrounding us died down a little and we sat in a comfortable silence for the rest of class. "Do you want to sit with us at lunch?" He asked. "Uh, actually I have to talk to you guys anyways." I said with a soft tone. He frowned, his eyes searching my face. At the bell we headed towards the cafeteria and joined the guys at their table. They all grinned and waved when they saw me and Hyunjin but Changbin's smile lessened a bit when he saw Hyunjin's down expression. "Hi, I have to talk to you guys." I mumbled sitting at the end of the table. "Look you guys are nice and all, but Lio has never even spared me a glance until you came and hung around me. I don't want to get targeted like this and I think that us going our separate ways is honestly the best option." They all shook their heads and I sighed. Chan spoke up, "But Alice I don't think that's the right move." I stood up, awkwardly patting the tabletop, "I've been fine on my own for seventeen years. I'll be fine for one more." I turned on my heel, turning my back on the very only people who truly cared for me.

I went back to my old lunch spot and this carried on for a few days until Thursday rolled around. 

I was walking into the school when Lio walked up to me. "Hey loser." He jeered, and I felt a cold liquid splashing over my chest. I gasped and looked down, there was chocolate milk all over my white shirt. I backed up, don't cry, don't cry, don't. I unknowingly continued backing up and suddenly my feet had nothing under them. I had backed up off the steps. For a second, Lio stood there with the empty milk container in his hand and he jerked his hand out to grab me but I continued to fall. I squeezed my eyes shut to brace for the impact but it didn't come. Changbin stood behind me, his arms hooked under my arm pits, stopping the fall. I choked out a teary "thank you." Hyunjin glanced at my shirt and then at the empty cup in Lio's hand and he balled up his fist. "You fucking idiot." He growled at Lio who backed up. "I'm sorry. I didn't push her okay!" "No but you threw a damn drink on her. Get out of here before I kick your ass you fucker." Hyunjin stared at me and suddenly took off his shirt, I gasped, covering my eyes but when I heard him laugh I opened them and realized he had another one on underneath. I glanced at the shirt, "Uhh I cant wear this." I said holding it out to him. "What why?" "B-because! It's Veteménts. It's too expensive." "Oh, it's fine I have like 20 of them." My jaw dropped and he slipped the shirt on over my arms. "Red looks good on you." He stated and I unwillingly felt my face flush. I felt heavy knowing I was wearing something so expensive. "I'm sorry I'm such a bitch." I blurted and the guys looked at me in shock. "But you're not?" Jisung stated and I laughed. "No really, we came on really strong it's our fault. You just seemed approachable." Changbin agreed quickly with Jisung and reluctantly I followed them into school.

During art I turned to Hyunjin, "How are you guys so damn rich?" He looked taken aback, "well we work our ass off in music and covers. We've grown pretty big..." I nodded slowly, damn. Exhausting yourselves emotionally and physically but getting rich hm. "You dance?" He asked. "Hell no. I've always wanted to but no I can't." "If you want um, I could teach teach you maybe. Or you could come to our practices once in a while. I think it'd be fun." "I mean, maybe. But Hyunjin I literally can't dance for the life of me... It'll be so embarrassing." Hyunjin giggled, he giggled and shrugged. "It's worth a shot!" My phone buzzed and I glanced down, a text. I was honestly starting to feel bad not telling Changbin that it was me texting him but I didn't know how to break it to him.

[Changbin] hey uwu

[Me] hello hello whats good g

[Changbin] are u ok??

[Me] yes?? what why

[Changbin] you just seem like ur in a g mood

[Me] lol i am!! do u want to meet up at lunch

[Changbin] sure! im at the lunch table off to the left, wave at me when u see me

I closed my phone and Hyunjin looked over at me, "Who was that?" I smirked and began explaining the Changbin situation. He was losing himself in hysterical laughter and I rolled my eyes, "stop" I groaned. "Do you like him?" He asked out of nowhere and I widened my eyes, shocked. "W-what?" "Do you like Changbin." "He's, he's nice." "But I mean in a romantic way." "Fuck off." I laughed punching his shoulder lightly. Hyunjin grinned and said sorry awkwardly. "Well, let's go introduce you for the second time to Changbin." When we entered the cafeteria, Changbin saw me with Hyunjin and smiled, I slowly put my hand up and gave him a little wave. His jaw dropped and I couldn't help but giggle at the way it made his triangular chin even sharper. He waved us over frantically and I bubbly made my way to him, dragging Hyunjin. "Y-you!" Changbin sputtered at Hyunjin. "Did- did you know about this?" Hyunjin raised his hands defensively, "no! No I only found out this morning back off dude." Changbin shook his head in disbelief. "Damn, it really do be like that." I was chuckling to myself when Changbin turned to me, a joking glare on his face. "You traitored me." "That's not a word genius, and I didn't betray you." He sighed, dramatically holding his head in his hands. "Well shit it's funny how we became friends anyways." I nodded... Yeah, it's funny.

| the end of part four |

#stray kids fanfic #3racha fanfic #3racha #stray kids #woojin #chan #minho #jisung #changbin #felix #seungmin #jeongin #i.n #hyunjin fanfic #changbin fanfic #fanfic #au #stray kids au #stay dont stray #9 or none

[sapphic-bifrost]

back for a moment bc i tried to make adhd brain focus a little too long after a very emotionally exhausting day so im in a bad mood now and need to type things out into a post so i can speed run processing and shutting it out before i have to interact with humans again okAY here we go

1) still mad that i lost all my high school work and notes bc i kept putting off transferring ownership bc of storage issues and then it got deactivated. i literally have a panic attack if i think about it too long

2) im getting a new phone and i have literally thousands of photos taking up my storage. and its weird to think that i will 1) no longer have the phone i did while my ex and i were dating, the one we played music on, the one i held when i was texting her or calling her, etc. And 2) i backed up my phone so im going to delete all my photos and i wont have the photos of us easily accessible anymore? and its weird bc i feel like ive been holding out for something even after all this time but literally in the last few days i think ive started to deeply accept the fact that, not only will we probably never date again (even in the future? which for some reason early on i kept thinking could be an option, but i very quickly realized its not. its now or never and once ive moved on i dont think i can come back. strange that i considered that though?), but it seems like we wont even be friends. or like on speaking terms. and its weird?? bc she was everything to me for so long and then somehow love turned from something warm and safe to something that made me feel nauseous and so so lonely?

and ive always been the kind of person to hold on for too long, to not know the difference between patience and naivety. i always have that little bit of hope inside that things will work out, no matter the situation. but that little bit of blind optimism is all but snuffed out, and its time to properly let go. and its hard but im trying and i think im getting there, if im not there already.

#this served its purpose and i was able to interact and pretend to be in a decent mood #however i also had to save to drafts and come back bc i was walked in on mid-sentence #pls enjoy what is hopefully remnants of a fading emotion

[fuck-customers]

Enraged Autism Grandma Is Pissed Autistic Adult Is Unable To Exhaust Themself Emotionally And Be Peppy Puppet

So this incident (and another one, for another submission) has been on my mind for a while... And I think I might want to vent about it now.

Background: If you've seen any of my submissions before, I try to mention that I work at the Blue Home Improvement Store, or Blow(e)'s as some people call it.

I am on the autism spectrum. I also try to mention this so people give me less shit for my odd reactions to situations. It has happened before, so you've been warned I guess. 

Unfortunately I also have some other mental health issues that come into play sometimes while I'm at work. I struggle with psychotic symptoms related to trauma on occasion and I try to suppress them at work but if i trigger myself on accident or something triggers me I will sometimes shut my emotions completely off and/or dissociate. During these times I feel like "a different person." I have names for all my "personas" but that's neither here nor there. (It's mostly for ease of telling my partner what's going on/what kind of reaction I'm having) The main point is that this was a maladaptive coping mechanism from previous neglect in a relationship and I basically broke up my conscious to deal with emotions and stressful situations better, to feel like i was being taken care of by someone. I've been trying my hardest to cope with situations better and piece my identity back together with a lot of success, I'm a lot happier now in my current relationship and I have better things to cope with. It still happens fairly infrequently however.

So one day, I have one of these episodes. This is the biggest one I've had at work. I'm working outside in my favorite section and one of these personas was active for me. The thing about this persona is that I turn into someone with a very flattened affect, that is curious but quiet and doesn't respond well to humor or other certain things. The main purpose here was to shut off my emotions so I didn't cry and freak out and just overall be bummed out instead. 

So in comes this customer, an old dude and his wife. I get along well with a lot of people outside, inside too but again outside garden is my favorite place to be, and usually when I'm out there I'm super peppy and smiley and customer service-y. The problem here was the timing. I was still in a weird mood from the thing that triggered me, and I wasn't peppy like I usually was, of course, because doing that would have literally drained me so fast that I wouldn't have been able to function for the rest of my shift. I was trying to conserve energy long enough so I could calm down and keep going.

But these people... Ok so I'm not smiling, I'm handling their purchase very matter-of-factly, but I'm not being rude! I'm asking all my questions, I'm chatting idly with them, doing everything I'm supposed to, the only thing was that I wasn't super peppy.

So this old dude tells me to smile. I pause, face blank, trying to process, not understanding why it's necessary. His wife joins in. And I can't smile, but I can't think well enough to tell them that I'm unable to do that or else I'll exhaust myself. And then the wife has the gall to get upset over this.

She said she was just trying to cheer me up. She starts asking invasive questions like if I'm having a bad day. I can't respond, can't think fast enough. The only thing I'm able to blurt out is "I have autism" and she's like "what?" so I repeated, "I'm on the autism spectrum."

AND THIS LADY.

THIS FUCKING LADY.

"You don't seem autistic, my nephew/grandson/whoever is autistic and you're nothing like him" im thinking to myself Uhh Duhh?

So as I'm trying to process what she's telling me I look at her, a bit confused. A problem I've had most of my life is that people tend to read my facial expressions and tone as being aggressive, angry, disrespectful, etc. despite me trying to be neutral, inoffensive, you get the idea. And I get that my thinking face involves me scrunching my face muscles up so that I look mad or like I'm giving her the stink eye. But I wasn't!

And she just loses it. I finish up with her purchase and stuff and as I'm trying to explain myself to her, that "normally i'm much more pleasant" and such she doesn't want to hear it. I've offended her by existing as an autistic person that isn't a carbon copy of her nephew or grandson, who is having trouble emoting and processing what she's saying.

She storms out when she's done, muttering, enraged, and I heard her say through the fence/gate as they loaded up their car, "talk about a PISS POOR ATTITUDE. that's a good way to get yourself FIRED"

So of course they come up to complain later, and a few days later my support manager comes up to me and asks me to make a statement on this. She said, and i quote "If this is true I'm going to be very upset" and i'm ???? 

You should know me, woman! You've seen how I work before, you know I'm a hard worker and everyone sings their praises up and down about me, but thanks for the doubt and making me feel like you think I can somehow be a Bad Person despite all your evident knowledge on my character...

I have no idea what these people told her, but I sat down and wrote out a long explanation of what had happened, from my perspective, and acknowledged that if she wanted to punish me that was fine and i wouldn't object. 

Nothing occurred after that. I'm thankful for that, but I'm still kind of upset that she spoke to me like that and seemed to take the customer's side. I was very anxious at work for a time after that, because I thought they were all mad at me or I would get punished/fired because of it. She's moved stores since then, but still. I liked her too - I try to be on good terms with most of my coworkers.

I guess the main takeaway here is that old people are the worst customers. Man, fuck customers, and fuck management.

#submissions #fuck customers #cashier problems #happy ending #fuck managers #submission

[gotbts7fics]

Positive | Two |

| One | March 2017 | Three |

Bree had returned to Canada a week and a half after she arrived. You had been so busy with her that you hardly thought of your current predicament. It wasn’t until she had boarded her plane that you realized just how royally screwed you were. You had to hide a pregnancy, pretend everything was okay, take care of an extremely active seven year old and figure out how to end your relationship. You were exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. You had forgotten just how tiring pregnancy was in the first few months. It wasn’t helping that your boyfriend was currently in the midst of a comeback and you were running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off to support him and his members. You were doing everything you thought you needed to do for them, tonight that included feeding them.

“Y/N!” You turned towards the sound of your name. You had walked to Jaebum’s agency to drop off food for the seven men who were currently preparing tirelessly. So you had bundled yourself up on the chilly Saturday evening and ventured out to fulfill your mission. They had been locked away in the dance studio for god knows how long now and you figured they could use food.

“OMG you brought chicken!” Jackson yelled as he engulfed you in his arms.

“Figured you needed some substance to keep you guys going.” You smiled weakly. Either they were too tired to care, or you were just getting so good at hiding your emotions that no one batted an eye at you and your less than enthused self.

Jackson was yanked off of you, only for you to be trapped in somebody elses arms. You looked up to see the man you would give the world to looking down at you.

“I’ve missed your face. I’m sorry that I am so busy” JB apologized to you, while kissing your forehead.

“Honestly, I get it” You smiled.

“You’re just perfect y/n.” He said, reaching for your hand, as he grabbed the chicken and went to set it on the floor with his members. You watched as every one of the members went right for the food, not even bothering to wait. You were content in this moment, as you watched them eat. You were going to miss this family that had surrounded by you for three years.

“Hey, where’s Jaidyn? We haven’t seen her in a few days” Bambam said with a pout, mouth full of chicken.

“Ahhhh, she’s gone to Soo Hyuk’s house for a sleep over.” You said, grabbing a piece, but only slightly nibbling it. You were to terrified to eat and possibly vomit all over everyone, thus your secret revealed.

“She spends way to much time with that boy. I don’t like it” Jaebum said, looking at you. Laughing, you placed a hand on his thigh.

“It’s true, it seems like he’s always with her, and you let them have sleepovers! I don’t think she should be around boys so much” Jackson piped up.

“I mean, she’s also always around you guys too. He’s at least her age” You chuckled.

“We’re different. We love and protect her.” Bambam insisted, acting offended.

“No, you teach her how to dab and be rebellious, you and Yugyeom are literally the worst.” Everyone but the two youngest laughed, as they desperately tried to defend their honour. God you were going to miss this.  

Marched passed by in a blur for you. School had started a new term, so you were busy with lesson plans and classes. Jaidyn was always doing something with someone. GOT7 was so busy with their new album that you hardly saw JB. In some twisted way, it put you at ease. You missed him unconditionally but you knew this was better. Their popularity had sky rocketed and they were so busy that both of you knew seeing each other just wasn’t an option right now. He never let you forget about him though. He was always messaging you to tell you he loved you, would send post cards from where ever he was visiting, and just make sure you knew that he was devoted. It was breaking your heart. You thought about how terrible you were being, stringing him along, letting him believe that you weren’t about to smash his heart into a thousand pieces. You were everything you despised in people who dragged out break ups. You hadn’t told anyone about the baby other than Bree, you hadn’t even told your parents, or close friends back home. You knew you had to get your shit together, you were approaching twelve weeks now and had to get home to Canada sooner, rather than later. You were hoping you wouldn’t show till closer to the half way mark, just like your first pregnancy, just to buy you a little bit more time.  You knew that you were being very selfish for holding on a little bit to tightly to your life in Seoul. It wasn’t until the end of March that you finally decided you needed to get things in order. You started with letting your school know you would be leaving at the end of May. This gave them enough time to find a replacement for you, also it allowed you enough time to get things in prepared to travel home. You could fly home the first week of June. You just needed to end things with Jaebum by the end of April, and then stay hidden from them which you felt would be rather easy, as they had a pretty intense schedule with pretty much the whole month of May being in Japan. You knew this was the cowards way on how to handle things, but you justified it because the love you had for Jaebum was blindly distracting you. You weren’t going to ruin him, or GOT7s career. You would rather break the hearts of yourself, him and your child then to risk wrecking everything you worked so hard for.

It was six am on a Wednesday when your phone rang, displaying an Ontario number you hadn’t spoke to in a very long time. You sighed, knowing that the person on the other end already knew your dirty little secret. You had been deliberately avoiding him, fearing he would jump on a plane and come to Korea to get you himself.

“Hello……”You answered hesitantly.

“Are you fucking crazy?” A very angry male voice yelled into the receiver.

“Oh hey Owen, nice to hear from you. I missed you. How is life?” You deliberately ignored his outburst and tried to be pleasant.

“Listen here my love, I know. I finally convinced Bree to spill the beans on why you were ignoring everyone here, and why she ran to Korean. Pregnant y/n? Really? And you’re going to run away. What is so wrong with this dude that after three fucking years you can’t tell him he knocked you up?” You noted how angry your best friend was. Owen had gone through so much with you when you found out you were pregnant with his former friend. He was the one who brought you to the doctors and was there for you when times were hard. He was not only a friend, but the older brother you never had. He loved you fiercely and protected you. If it wasn’t for the fact he never wanted a passport to leave the country, you were sure he would have showed up and kicked JB’s ass for getting you pregnant and not stepping up, regardless on you not telling him. He didn’t have respect for men who abandoned their children.

“I’m not telling him. It’s not that simple. Please understand.” You sighed dejectedly. This was not an argument you wanted to have right now.

“When do you fly in?” He demanded.

“June fifth at five in the afternoon” You replied, biting your lip.

“I’ll be there, I’ve missed you and Jai. Skype doesn’t do justice and you haven’t come home to visit in a long time.” He said, he could be mad, but it never took away from how much he cared.

“I’ve missed you too.”

“Good. Look I have to go, but you need to tell him. It’s not fair to him, and this isn’t over between us. I have so much more to say to your sorry ass.” You knew Owen was speaking from personal experience, he hadn’t found out about his son until he was eight months old. It had killed him to know he missed out on so much of his life.

“I know, it’s just not that easy.” You said

“It is. I’ll talk to you soon. Love you”

“Love you too” You said hanging up the phone, turning to your messages where you let out a little steam towards your best female friend.

[6:17am] You: Bitch, you told him

[6:18am] Boo: Yeah suck it. You couldn’t hide from him forever. AND HE WAS THREATENING!

[6:18am] You: You’re a fucking cop Bree, don’t give me that shit. Arrest him.

[6:19am] Boo: Sure, for what, caring about his dumb ass best friend?

[6:20am] You: Fuck. You. Bitch.

[6:21am] Boo: I love you too. Honestly, I know you feel better.

[6:22am] You: Not the point, goodnight.

[6:22am] Boo: Hahahaha, have a great day ;)

You shut the screen of your phone off and threw it to the end of your bed. It was time for you to get up, get the kid ready for school and move forward with your day.

As March continued on, you were thankful for the busy schedules of both you and Jaebum. It made it easier to deny your current situation. Pretending that everything was a hundred percent normal. That you weren’t indeed hiding the fact that you were growing a little human in your belly. It was on a weekend that you travelled to your boyfriends parents house for a family dinner, one unsurprisingly, he couldn’t join last minute. That never bothered you though, the Im’s had opened their arms, hearts and home to you the minute Jaebum brought you home the first time. You were shocked to learn his mother was completely open to you, and your child, no questions ask. Over three years you had spent birthdays, Christmas, holidays and random family dinners together. More often than not without Jaebum. His parent’s had enjoyed having a grandchild around to play with. Tonight, Mr. Im had decided to take Jaidyn out to play before dinner, insisting it was so you could relax. Mrs. Im was busy cooking dinner, while you sat at the kitchen determined to help with the cooking.

“You’re very tired lately. Jaebum called and told us, you should rest tonight. Don’t worry about anything” She said in the motherly tone, making you miss from own mom even more. Three years had helped your korean enough that you know longer needed JB to translate for you. It was amazing really, you and Jaidyn were close to fluent that, when spoken too, even locals were shocked. It made you feel proud.

“I’m okay, things have just been busy. I don’t think I am resting properly anymore.” You said looking up towards her, a shy smile on your face.

“Here, have some of this kimchi fried rice. You look too skinny, eat, eat. Have you not been feeling well lately either?” She asked, you paled at the question, desperately trying to hide any telltale signs of your secret, vomiting all the food had resulted in a little bit of weight loss, but not enough that you thought it was noticeable. You took a big bite of the food she placed in front of you. It was delicious, savoury, and god you were going to miss her cooking. You practically inhaled the food, only to realize that was a big mistake. Apparently, your nausea wasn’t completely gone. It took everything in that moment of panic to will the gods to allow you to not throw up the food you ate. Praying silently, as tears escaped the corner of your eyes, that this would go away quickly as to not divulge your tiny secret.

“Hmmmmmmm” Mrs. Im said as she observed you quietly from the corner of her eye. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, more than okay. It’s delicious. Thank you” You smiled the best you could. Mother’s always know, you thought.

“I hope we can see you more often, you know how much Appa misses Jaidyn. If anything ever were to happen, where you and JB no longer see each other, you will always have a place in our home” She stated with such sincerity that you looked at her. She removed herself from the cooking and brought her arms around you.

“You’re my daughter now. No matter what. That child is a blessing and we will never turn our backs on you” She hugged you tightly, almost as if she was scared you would slip away.

“I love you too, Omma.” You whispered into her shoulder. “I love him too, always remember that. I will always love him no matter what” another tear fell down your cheek. Mrs. Im and you stayed like that for a few more minutes, until the sound of laughter was entering the house. The two trouble makers had returned, starving, after their adventure.

That night you laid in bed, beside your child, staring up at the ceiling. You never wanted to leave this house full of love. You rolled over and looked out the window, recalling the moment in the kitchen. Mothers always know, you thought again, and you were positive, that the woman you called Omma, knew.

#positive update #got7 x reader #jb x reader #pregnancy au #jb #jaebum

[teddy-feathers]

Its four 30. I'm exhausted. Hot face. Cold body. Want to sleep and or cry. I'm not heavily symptomatic. I could literally be psyching myself into thinking I'm sick because.I'm emotionally out of wack. Maybe I'm emotionally fucked because being sick even minimally is too draining. I dont want to sleep. I just want to do fun things or talk to my friends or just sit here and exist without hating myself for it. Its a good thing I'm going to work tommorrow because I wont sit here and wallow. But i dont want to go. I cant handle anything right now. A stray thought makes me want to breakdown. I feel like I can feel the future creeping up on me. And im going to loose everyone and everything and become worse and worse but never wuite worse enough for it to be excusable. understandable. To need real help. To need real time. I just need to work harder. To stop doing this to myself. I'm never going to be okay but thats my own fault. If i wasnt such a fuck up. Im scared. Im so scared. And upset and tired and im tired of always wanting to sleep but only getting enough rest to exist stably for four maybe six hours max before im beyond not okay. I cant even distract peoperly anymore with reading or games or writing or books because there is just so much guilt associated with everything. Time goes so fast but i exist so slow i could be mealting in gross meaty chunks in realtime while the world fastfowards around me. I am so tired and if i stay home tommorrow itll just be more of the same. So i cant sleep now i have to be up at 8 and the earliest im allowed to go to bed is 8 and ill be there till four and it will be stressful amd aweful and ill make an ass out of myself amd then i have to be there at 6 tuesday and i want to dress up because itll make me happy but also stupid and uncomfortable and anxious and

Then another 6 am and then im off but my friend wants to hang out only i literally cant bring myself to go 730 to 11 when i have to be up at 5 but hes moving next month and i hardly ever hang out with him because i get too stressed so guilt and fear and exhaustion and then another 6 am and im always home in the after noons amd evem like now when im being left alone i can feel it eating away at me i dont want to be here i dont i just want to be alone but when im alone im worse and i just im

Im whinning for attention i must be because im not crying not freaking out not shaking not just thoughts and heat amd tired and over thinking and my feelings are there but behind a wall so im fine despite seepage but i dont think i am but its just all attetion seeking blowing it out of preoprtion it has to be but i cant stop hating myself and i wont shut up in my head and i dont know what to do so ill give up and play the game amd laugh and then just stop because i cant do this amd the cycle will repeat and i just wish i could breathe and i can but it doesn't feel like it and im tired of feeling like i cant breathe when i can and am i am so tired so tired of me why do i exist i dont even like me and most of the time i dont want anyone else to either who the hell allowed this not me not me i would have told them no only im a people pleaser so id just go along with whatever they wanted and thats how i ended up in this mess 100% i bet you i just cant do this anymore stop