#literally every time i post about him its because im craving him lmao

[jerseymuppet]

Was tagged by Jask @breastsimeantits (love the bit. Hate that its not the familiar raytoromoans but it is funney) to do a little game lets goooooo

Last song: black sheep - brie larson vocal version.

Last movie: me and @fragile-snail watched John Wick 3 the other night 10/10. We’re watching something else in a little bit.

Currently watching: snapcubes playthrough of sonic frontiers. I’m interested so see where the game goes and penny parker #1 sonic fan, she’s so excited. It’s fun to watch. I’m not currently watching any shows, unless youtube series count? I’m going through red letter media’s best of the worst series (thank you and fuck you snail)

Currently reading: wuthering heights! It’s p good so far! I lost my copy for a bit (forgot it was in my bag) but i have since found it. I also just got a copy of jane eyre from goodwill and I’m excited to start that (I’m so behind on classics)

Currently working on: what a loaded question for me specifically! What am i not working on! Uhhhh, lets seee, I’m working on the gothamverse script (if you know you know and if you don’t know for the love of god please ask me i love talking about it) and my two page spread for the pussycule zine (I JUST figured out what i want to do last night) my dnd character for a new mcr campaign (my first time playing dnd ever!) some prints and stickers and other merch. Some more analysis posts. I got a lot going on. I’m a busy guy. (Also if you saw Jask’s post please for the love of god ask him about damilaurence, I CANNOT be in this alone)

Favorite color: i like willow green enough that i spent $10 on a bottle of nail polish. So I’m gonna say either that or burgundy.

Savory/sweet/spicy: savory!!!!!!! I love savory food so much, I’ve literally been eating nothing but burrito bowls the past two week and I LOVE them. I also enjoy spicy but I definitely prefer it with savory. I’m not as big on sweets as i used to be? I can find too much sweetness to be nauseating, and my tolerance has tanked, i eat a bite or two before i give up. But I definitely still enjoy it on occasion!

Coffee/tea/cocoa: i have severe anxiety and a resting heart rate of 130 bpm, if i drink coffee i will have a panic attack. Does that stop me from drinking iced coffee? No. God bless. I love tea though, that’s my favorite hands down. Me and a london fog lavender latte? Match made in heaven, I drink a cup of that every day. Cocoa is fun too! But I have to be in the mood

Craving: burrito bowls still. I went months without eating them and then when we finally decide to have them my mom got pulled pork with barbecue sauce on it and it ruined everything. I’m getting my fill now.

ANYWAY! Tagging: @judeiscariot @atlanticnotary @pissditching @fragile-snail @one-singular-crumb @infectiouspiss @8daysuntiltheapocalypseiguess @theresacorpseinthisbed @p4nsy and thats it! We all have the same mutuals and i don’t want tag people again lmao EDIT BECAUSE I FORGOT TO TAG JACK AAAA IM SORRY ILY <3 @scootbian

#jude.txt #thank you for the tag Jask ily 😘 #if we are mutuals and i didnt tag you theres no hard feelings theres just so many i stg you all know each other

[axemetaphor]

augh i kept forgetting to post this because i kept wantgin to draw mroe for it but i really suck at emulating Animal Crossing Art Style so im just going to go on a rambling explanation about this under the cut but the basic concept is. they deserve a vacation. and whats more relaxing than animal crossing? probably several things but let me have this ok

id had a bunch of ideas for mroe drawings in this style but Clearly, i am not very good at it, and every time i sat down to Try Again it ended up shitty. this is from literally months ago by now lmao

my Basic Concept was just. take the 3 of them and dump them on an animal crossing island, cause while ive been sick ive been playing a lot of new horizons to try and stay stable, and my brain likes to mush together whatever 2-or-more things im invested in together all the time. here’s some bullet points!

-john really loves diving for sea critters and frequently pulls up those bigass lobsters and eels and shit, he’s got an unnatural knack for it. loves to startle the shit out of dave by just whipping an eel out of his pocket. no thats not an innuendo stop that-- -amy loves planting/watering the flowers but shes not like invested in getting All The Different Types (although that Would be neat) she’s just having fun building a large flower patch. it’s slowly overtaking the island. also dave likes to just kinda sit in the flower patch -speaking of dave he kind of doesnt do much, i think he’d like fishing with john and/or amy and maybe hed like digging up fossils but for the most part hes just chillin, as he deserves to be, -amy likes the DIY recipe stuff though and will frequently politely ask dave to go fetch stuff for her. this has led to most of the villagers/islanders/whateverthetermis, the animal citizens, to have their Main exposure to dave be him wandering around with an axe at 3am because amy’s out of hardwood -speaking of the animal citizens, because i just really like them as a concept, i have no solid concept of who-all would be on their island but whoever they are, john is “friends” with All of them (and by that i mean he says theyre all his friends; whether or not they find him obnoxious Varies,) and amy is genuine friends with most of them/has spoken to all of them at least, and dave rarely if ever speaks to them. hes not very social. most of the animals are a little scared of him until they Actually get to talk to him and then they realize hes just an awkward misanthropic bastard -also in case it wasnt clear id think the 3 of them would all be in one little cabin i mean you can upgrade the shit out of those so they could all feasibly have their own spaces. but also i like polyamory and id say they all 3 share a room because fight me they do itd be cute. also of course the decor of their cabin is absolutely bonkers like listen not only does animal crossing have some weird items but nearly any living space john inhabits most likely has some very strange decor in it !  -tbh actually i think john would do Most of the decor stuff cause like based on the way his house is described i think he’d go NUTS for animal crossing’s Theme Decor Shit i dont know i dont actually do a bunch of that but i sure do think he would! amy would help out esp since she likes the DIY stuff, and i think dave is just kind of ..... allowing this nonsense to happen. letting john be free. probably convincing him to not change the theme every day, maybe every week, if only because it’s a bit of a hassle to have everything Constantly Rearranged.  -hang on wait i just thought of the 3 of them wandering along the beach and picking up seashells and now im like emotional over it bro pls. lovely. -also i jsut realized if daves the guy who digs up fossils he definitely talks to blathers a lot and thats an extremely funny thing to contemplate. the dude who seems to not really liek talking to people and the chatterbox owl. fantastic. you know dave is probably too awkward to tell blathers he doesnt want to hear all thsoe archaeopteryx facts! (also tbh maybe dave would actually like learning stuff) -also. john catches bugs just to give them to blathers and watch him freak out just a little about it.  -john always ends up buying fake art from redd but it’s fine because he just puts it somewhere in or near their cabin. amy however has the uncanny good luck to somehow always find the real artworks! dave doesnt talk to redd, he doesnt really care. -this ones definitely projection because my animal crossing island is a mess (And I Like It That Way Thank U Very Much) but john definitely is the guy who will dump extra furniture at random spots on the island. too much shit in storage? don’t need that Harmonious Chair right now? holding it in ur pockets just because u dont know where else to put it? just dump it on the ground! uncannily, john fuckin Always remembers where he’s put that shit when he happens to need it again. however this does mean sometimes the animal citizens will just ... find a mysterious new chair in their front yard.  -i know that terraforming is a new thing in acnh but i havent done it yet because i dont care about the whole 3 stars rating thing like listen im jsut here to run around and fill the museum if i feel like it but mostly pick up pumpkins and hoard bells for no reason and let my island be taken over by wildflowers. if any of the 3 are into that tho its john or amy--john just for the hell of it, amy would actually like try to Make Stuff of it -their front yard (and back yard if their cabin is put somewhere to allow that) is full of unused furniture as well. and also sometimes random dropped fruits or something, if dave is already carrying a ton when he sees something to dig up. -i think im out of shit to say right now but i might reblog to add mroe so. yes. if youve read this far then holy shit youre dedicated or really bored or something but whatever your reason is i hope this was A Fun Read and if it gave you any ideas Please Tell Me my inbox is open im sick and still in quarantine and i crave human interaction from literally anyone who isnt my parents. thank u 

#jdate #john dies at the end #crossover #im not gonna put it in the animal crossing tags but it is mostly animal crossing new horizons stuff #my art #old art at this point though ngfgbn #not sonic #rambles.txt #i seriously went on one in the readmore. i think its pretty great though #p epic that ive found Old Content To Post while im still like. a bit too Fucked Up to make anything new !!

[im-just-trying-to-survive-man]

ok so i feel like telling the world my bias list (kpop) for no reason and i was a little scared to but oh well lol

im gonna do this in parts. this list is my bias’ in boygroups pt.1

soo yeah if you wanna see some beautiful asian men you can keep reading lol

kinda turned out long oop

imma do nct on another post bc thats fucking loonngggg

1. kim hongjoong; stage name: hongjoong (leader of ateez, rapper, lyricist, producer and composer (i forget if those are the same thing) )

king of the lesbians

personally i think hes SOME type of gay but, y’know, you do you baby (’good lil boy’ is the song he wrote on their new album akjsdl)

prince of mullets in kpop (king is minghao from seventeen)

so?? pretty???

he paints his nails for the polished man campaign!!! (this was before the group became ambassadors.) v socially aware as well

his voice is very high for a rapper but i rly love it

wanna hear what he thinks of atinys?? (the fandom) listen to ‘aurora’

korean big minion 

very very good at english, despite what he says

is so caring for his ‘children’ ugh such an amazing leader

also a little brat sometimes but we dont talk about it

a MAN

fuck gender roles

5′7 skirt guy you’ve probably heard of in the kpop tiktok community

the official campaign pic:

2. han jisung; stage name: han (main rapper of stray kids, lead vocalist, producer and composer, lyricist, ult bias uwu)

heres the tea

this man literally saved my life

he has been through so much and i relate to that. seeing that he made it through the worst gave me hope.

his music and lyrics just speak to me (wanna see me cry? send me the song ‘19′, its written by him)

on to the happier things

his s q u i r r e l   c h e e k s

hes honestly so pleasing to look at ugh

vocals????? fricking great???? listen to ‘hellevator’ and ‘district 9′ for his vocals

jEoGiYa NoOnA HoKsI nAmJaChInGu IsSeOyO (’wow’ 3RACHA)

part of 3RACHA, a rap group between him and two other members

his american name is peter and he loves nat geo wild and cheesecakes and honestly if thats not amazing idk what is

lived in malaysia??? for 6 years???? lovin the melanin y’all

THE FUNNIIEST MAN ALIVE Y’ALL WAIT PLEASE WATCH THIS VIDEO IDK WHY BUT ITS SO FUNNY TO ME

3. im changkyun; stage name: I.M. (lead rapper of monsta x, sub-vocalist, maknae (the youngest), producer and composer)

fam im WHIPPED for this man like honestly i dont like subbing or sex in general lol ace things but i’d let him r a i l me

lived in america for 3 years and israel for 4; speaks fluent english and its SEXY

rapping skills??? on point???? both in english and korean ugh

LOOK AT HIM HIS DIMPLES AND HIS FACE AND UGH

is one of those people that does n o t like to be touched but then he’ll kiss your cheek out of nowhere

babie

VERY SOCIALLY AWARE LIKE HE SAID FUCK TOXIC MASCULINITY AND MISOGYNY 

confident in his own skin and super open about it

“For IM, ‘Wearing a harness is just to express our song concept. Showing the audience what we want to show is the most important thing. We’re not ashamed. We’ve done a lot of sexual items, like harnesses and chains. We’re comfortable.’ “ 

“But, for argument’s sake, where does your own sense of masculinity come from? IM pauses for a long moment. ‘Having a dick,’ he says bluntly, sipping coffee as his bandmates’ jaws drop and shocked laughter ripples around the table.”

that interview is here 

kinky lil bitch

i can go on and on about this man but im just gonna stop there

i lied he has tattoos (one on his wrist [ :): ] and the one on the nape of his neck, it reads “the one who wants to wear the crown must bear the crown”)

i like this picture bc its his hands and theyre pretty and fuck gender roles from a kpop idol

thats enough of him 

4. kim wonpil; stage name: wonpil (pianist, synthesizer, and keyboardist in day6, lyricist, vocalist, also a a dj and mc for a podcast)

Y’ALL LOOK AT HIM UGH

was the maknae but then dowoon came along and now hes not lol

Unbothered™

honestly like hes such a good pianist and is really great on the keys

is really good at making song lyrics out of thin air

like, he can hear the sentence “i really want chicken rn but i can’t have it im on a diet” and he’ll get “i crave your taste, but there is a wall i built myself blocking you from my love” like literally

im pretty sure he wrote the chorus for their song ‘zombie’

honestly bruh his vocals are so good

like pls go listen to ‘emergency’ and ‘congratulations’ (theres an english version for that song alsjdk)

guys hes just a big babie honestly

so pretty to look at omg

HES SO FUNNY AND HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW IT 

“i dont really care what my spouse looks like or what gender they are, as long as we’re happy and they love me” (wish i could find that photoset)

5. kim namjoon: stage name: RM (leader of bts, main rapper, sub-vocalist, lyricist, producer and composer)

literally the reason im into kpop, so thank you namjoon

a 5′11 babie, tbh

i remember finding out he had his own like, mixtape (’mono.’) and iT WAS SO GOOD AND IT STILL IS KAJHDJ

an amazing rapper and leader

can sing and i do not CARE what anyone says

so as you can see by now i kinda of have a type (except wonpil, idk wtf is going on there with me biasing him laksjk #no regrets)

anyway yeah he was the first kpop boy i found, and it was on his birthday

so every year on september 11th 11:50 p.m., i start i planting a tree in my backyard (bc then its on his birthday in america and korea lakajs so quirky i know) also bc its the day i started listening to kpop so its an anniversary for me lol. 

mOoNcHiLd

very very psychological

also very inspiring and loving (to the fans)

doesn’t really show affection, hes better with words than actions, and i really relate to that

dimples aGAIN

and last but not least for this list bc its already so frickin long

6. byun baekhyun; stage name: baekhyun (main dancer of exo, main singer, sub rapper, pianist, actor)

he’s so talented???? and amazing???? and overall just kinda perfect??????

AMAZING FUCKING VOCALS LIKE Y’ALL GO GO GO GO GOGOOG OG LISTEN TO HIS GROUPS SONG ‘ONE (MONSTER AND INFINITY)′ BECAUSE THAT SHIT SLAPS UGH

AND LIKE GROWL??? BRO????? MY VOCAL CORDS SNAPPED

dated another idol in the past but personally i think he’s a little *hand goes limp* if you know what i mean

my sister (4) calls him bacon he said it in an interview one time and it stuck to her

chesticles

MONSTER ERA UGH GOT ME DEAADDDD

is a solo artist too!!!!!!! go listen to his albums!!!! theyre really good!!!!

hes so frickin funny omg like i can laugh at with him all day

understands english but refuses to speak it

honestly kokobop baek was amazing idc what anyone says

is in like 3 different groups damn (like two of them are sub-units of his group and the other one is superm lol)

pls go watch the ‘men on a mission’ episodes with exo bc hes so fucking hilarious i will never get over it

a clown ass bitch that is always ready to square tf up a caring and v nice person that wont fight anyone ever

AN AMAZING ACTOR OMMGGGG BABIE GOT SKILLS

can also tapdance

lots of video games

very very very very very loud when playing video games

another man i endlessly love

well. if you made it this far, congrats!!! and thanks!!! i honestly dont care if no one sees this lol i just kinda wanted to do it, so, yeah lol. theres still more groups (superm, nct (seperate post), seventeen, vixx, pentagon, the rose, annnd oneus)then like idk if i’ll do a soloist one, so yeah. this kinda gives me something to do its one big infodump and im sorry lmao. yeah, love y’all !!!

#kpop #lovely talks #info dump #rant #long post #LMFAO THERES MY DAY FOR Y'ALL

[sinfulcries2]

milkshake boy ; cai xukun

hello everyone! its my first REAL post sooo ive been watching idol producer lately and i fell inlove with cai xukun omg he is more beautiful than me anyways i hope you enjoy!

after a long day at school, you decide to get a milkshake and meet your future boyfriend

GENRE: fluff

WARNINGS: uhmm... sudden heart attack ^__^;

okay lets us prepare our hearts for this xukun imagines hdjwxbcje.

you were just a normal college student who took the course of performing arts and yOU WERE REALLY GOOD AT IT.

some companies scouted you but you rejected them all because you knew that you wouldnt have time for training because of school

if that aint me lmAO

anYWAYS

so one day your dance teacher taught a few moves that were new to you and your classmates so you had difficulties learning them.

whats worse is that your teacher assigned all of you and your classmates to create a dance with those moves in it.

and you were like ‘bITCH WTF ARE YOU SERIOUS MS.ZHOU??’

and it was like she read your mind and said “oH YES”

so you were determined to make the most creative and unique dance

class originally ended at 3:30 p.m but you stayed at the practice room dancing until 8:55 p.m

hOW HARDWORKING I CAN NEVER RELATE-

so you danced, and danced until you got the move right 

but like you kept messing up at one particular part.

at the middle of dancing, ms.zhou did a check on why the hell there was music coming from the practice room sO LATE AT NIGHT

to her surprise she saw you there working yourself out to the bone.

so she ran up to you and stopped you from dancing further.

“you need some rest y/n!!”

“no need-”

“yOU NEED REsT gO bAcK hOMe aNd sLeEp”

“yES MAAM’

so while you were walking home

and by walking i mean literally dragging yourself along the street with your school bag by your shoulder

you saw a milkshake shop not so far from where you were

and since you didnt have any water in your jug left, you decided why not buy some water from there.

so you walked and walked until you reached the shop

you entered the shop to get greeted by this hELLA ATTRACTIVE BOY

and you were like ‘omg i smell like sweat what do i do omg can i just shoot me he looks like full course meal iN a good way-’

and he shot you a bright smile

you swore your heart was beating 173600237 times per second

aND HE WAS THERE SMILING LIKE HE WAS ENJOYING YOUR PAIN

so you walked up to the counter

and he gave you a warm greeting

“hI WELCOME TO CHINLI’S”

im joking

“Hi welcome to idol projuicer, my name is xukun! what can i get for you?”

and you being distracted by his ethereal beauty you blurted out

“o-one strawberry milkshake”

because that was your favorite flavor

but you remembered that you had to buy water

tOO LATE THE RECIPT IS BEING PRINTED OUT 

so you pay for your drink and find a seat in the shop

after you find a seat you take a seat and scroll on your phone for a bit

sUDDENLY YOU HEAR A VOICE BEHIND YOU

“miss here is your strawberry milkshake”

and turns out its xukun dude who is also your waiter!

he flashes you a smile and puts the shake on your table

but you noticed he put chocolate ice cream on top with chocolate syrup!

so basically its now strawberry and chocolate

wHICH IS LIKE YOUR SECOND FAVORITE SHAKE FLAVOR

im sorry if it isnt omg 

so you unintentionally smiled and drank your shake happily.

xukun caught you smiling and he smiled too

he also swore his heart started beating 30572921637 times per second

see how theres more numbers

anyways the next day after school, you decided to go to that milkshake shop again

because of xukun and his shakes

mainly because of xukun

but anyways everytime you visited he would put some more add-ons on every shake you order.

the two of you got closer in just the span of a week

how?

one day you were craving his amazing milkshakes so you went there

and then while you were drinking, xukun walked up to you and built up a conversation

and the two of you cLICKED

why did he strike a convo?

he likes you mwahahaha

anyways aside from that in the span of two weeks

he gave you the nickname ‘beautiful loyal customer’

the owner of the shop, Mr.Zhang started to treat you as if you were his own daughter lol

the other staff, ziyi, justin, chengcheng, treated you as if you were their sister.

and best of all, xukun!gave!you!his!number!

and you became a squeeling dolphin when you got home

to the point your mom thought you were secretly a dolphin hybrid

one day while you and xukun were having a dinner date at the shop,

you remembered the dance you had to do

and the fact it was two days away made you scared af

so you excused yourself

sO LIKE YOU KNOW THAT DRAMATIC KDRAMA HAND GRAB?

THAT HAPPENED

he asked why you were leaving so early because it was unusual of you

so you told him “dance.learn.2 days”

he seemed to understand and he smiled at you

“i will help you”

and it was unusual because he didnt tell you he was also a dancer??

but you agreed anyways

so when the two of you reached the studio,

you played the music and started to dance to the song

xukun had heart eyes while watching you but also seemed to learn the moves quickly just by looking at it

so he noticed the moves you were messing up at and he taught you a few techniques and shit that would make you remember it and do it properly.

so after a while of teaching, he asked you to dance again but this time to apply the stuff he taught you

so you danced with the stuff he taught you

and when the song ended you heard xukun clap like a proud mom seal hybrid

and you also couldnt believe it because when you looked at your phone the song was done playing!

cONGRATS

so you ran up to xukun and hugged him tightly

and xukun was sHOOK  and you realized what you did and you pulled away awkwardly the two of yoiu being tomatoes.

but he broke the awkwardness and pulled out a mango milkshake out from his bag.

“yOU DID IT BEAUTIFUL LOYalL Y/N!!”

and the two of you would end up being a giggling mess

fastforward to the day of your presentation....

you got the second highest grade

zhengting being the first

but you were happy with your grade

soo when you went out of your school you saw xukun there waiting for you.

and you were like wtf why is he here

but he smiles only

“y/NNN i wANNA TAKE YOU TO THE MILKSHAKE SHOP AGAIN TO CELEBRATE!!”

and you giggled at his cuteness

so while the two of you were walking there and the two of you talking about life

he would lace his hand with yours

and you would be a CHERRY BOMB

and he would be there smiling widely while admiring your beautiful, flustered face

so once the two of you arrive at the shop

you would see that it was closed, but there were flower petals everywhere you would be so dumbfounded when you hear the song with the lyrics only being ‘balance’

and you hear someone with the voice of Mr.Zhang mutter a loud “cRAP WRONG SONG”

and after that a ballad love song would play

xukun would whisper a short ‘aish, mr.zhang’ but you would only giggle 

sooooo xukun would face you again and grab the both of your hands gently

he would be so nervous and shy omg pls save him

and he would blurt out

“uHMM Y/N IVE LIKED YOU FOR A LONG TIME NOW PLS DONT REJECT ME OMG IF YOU DONT LIKE ME BACK AT LEAST KISS ME OR SOMETHING IDK”

and you would only giggle and peck him on the lips

“ i like you too, my milkshake boy” you say and hug him tightly

he would grab your waist and kiss you LONGER

the two of you smiling into the kiss

when the two of you pulled away

xukun would give you a strawberry chocolate milkshake like when you first met each other

you would smile remembering the both of your first encounters and chuckle slightly.

xukun’s heart would go dugeun dugeun dugeun seeing your smile

and he would ask.......

“would you be my girlfriend?”

“yes of course”

“oUR MILKSHAKE BOY HAS FOUND HIS MILKSHAKE GIRL”

thats probably ziyi

everyone would cheer

and suddenly justin comes out of nowhere and plays careless whisper

while the two of you hold hands enjoying each others pressence

OMG IM DONE THIS TOOK ME 4 HOURS TO MAKE OML ANYWAYS HOPED YOU ENJOYED LOVELIES!

#cai xukun #idol producer #scenario #idol producer scenarios #cai xukun imagines #cai xukun scenarios

[chrliekclly]

do you think charlei and dee had sex because they mistook their genuine platonic bonding as attraction? (serious question, steming from thatlesbian dee post). I never thought of it that way, and I'm interested to hear that side !

YES that’s actully smthn i lose my sht abt !! iv blown up ppls mssgs with this kinda talk like, im a mess. ok lemme type right nd lemme type A Lot Again Anyways cz thos 2 giv me Way too many feelings (im spposd to b working on a final rn christ…)

okay…i scrolled back up after finishing nd turns out i went…literally insane…aka Much too far…so i need to under-the-cut it. mobile…viewers…i’m rly so sorry. swipe hard to leap ahead…hell im sorry fr computer viewers too. my theme is rough.

to start, my HCs surrounding chardee are rooted in charlie being on the ace spectrum and dee being gay (or like @ least bi, but imo all the men stuff is straight up compulsory heterosexuality).

i will always cling tight to the deleted scene wherein charlie says he thinks sex is gross and will genuinely get sick when he thinks about it unless he thinks about it with one specific woman. i know he shows sexual interest a decent amount of times throughout the show and has canonically had sex (on camera too, yeesh) but i see each time as very out of the blue moments (coming onto dee @ multiple points while worked up, agreeing to bang tatiana cuz she says to, that kinda thing) or relating to his long standing and delusional obsession with the waitress. in that vein, he’s also canonically enjoyed sex, and I don’t try and blind-eye any of it, because ace doesn’t always mean sex can’t be enjoyed in the moment. charlie definitely has a libido, and bodies be bodies. hell, sex-repulsed can sometimes even flip 180 in the right conditions. shit is one fun spectrum i’ll tell you that…but either way, to start with him, i think him going forward with banging dee was very much a misjudgment of what feelings are and being extremely caught up in a moment where he felt real, genuine, closeness with someone else who he was having a damn good time making terrible poetry with.

as for dee, i, first of all, just agree with everything in that post. in the context of chardee, as much as i will lose my mind in tags about how hard i ride or die the ship, it’s mostly my obsession with their dynamic. i don’t think chardee is meant to be endgame. i absolutely 100% believe that dee, too, is misinterpreting her feelings. i think part of it is her consistent comp het, and the other is she’s never been close with someone the way she has been with charlie, and she doesn’t know what she’s meant to do with it. i think she was similarly caught up in a moment in which she showed her own vulnerability, opening herself up to someone who could easily just ridicule her as she’s used to (”right now? i’m scared”), and she receives support from him instead (”you’re not gunna bomb, you’re gunna do great”). we’ve seen how much dee craves validation, thats her entire thing. i’m not shocked she dropped her pants in this moment lmao. she probably felt her damn heart flutter cuz she got told by someone who she at least somewhat trusts that she really is good, even if she doesn’t think so. the only rational explanation for the feeling associated with that person is that he’s The One right? pretty big leap

just…basically i dont think either of them know what a relationship is.

charlie’s lived nearly his entire life deluding himself into thinking that, 1. he and the waitress have a relationship that is anything other than creepy, and 2. that the warped-ass mess of an image he’s created in his brain for what he and the waitress are to each other is what love is. he thinks he’s making progress in getting close to her when the only thing she’s Ever done pre-s12 is ask him to leave her the fuck alone. he’s never even attempted to look past the waitress before, and the only time he shows interest in other people it’s purely his libido talking. he doesn’t pursue romance, and the one time we’ve seen him do so he was using her to get to, who else?, the damn waitress. 

dee’s lived her entire life having to prove herself to every single person she interacts with, and its familiar to her to getting ahead by using men, usually as sexual objects. i’m hesitant to bring this up on a post wherein i speak on dee’s sexuality because i don’t want to link this trait to it in any way as if its related, but to be fair, dee is as much a serial rapist as dennis is in that regard. the gang are shitty people, we know that. she will get men drunk to have sex with them, or pressure them into it, or trick them into it. she’s not having sex with these men for pleasure, she’s literally doing it for power. it’s absolutely fucked up, but so is she.

when she Is romantically involved, she’s shown to leap headfirst into those relationships and blow them out of proportion on 0 grounds for it. she buys a promise ring for a guy who didn’t think they were dating, it’s implied she’s going to actually go ahead with the brad fisher marriage thing after the episode ends, she gloats about how important she is to a stripper who was literally shame-crying during sex (also? she says “we BOTH wept,” and she can say that’s because it was that good, but i really doubt it). i mean the woman GAGS when talking to men she’s “nervous” around, something she takes as meaning she’s attracted to them? lmao uh???

at this point i’ve probably repeated myself over and over, my brain is on backwards and my train of thought went off the rails years ago. but i’m still gunna retype an old set of tags i found:

i hc that neither of them end up together but they do go through a relationship-ish phase, but dee’s gay and charlie’s okay with that (and always ace in my mind) because they finally move on from their own irrational drives to adhere to what they think is expected of them. i dont think either of them have any idea what a relationship is meant to be and they pathetically grasp at each other because they’re kind-ish to one another and that feels safe for once. chardee may be my main ship but i purposefully backtrack on myself because i know they’re two people who barely know love and have found each other, both as underdogs in their environments, and feel an electrifying Something that they Cant Name wen theyre together, and that something just so happens to be friendship and they don’t realize it cuz they’re doofuses who’ve led really unfortunate lives where friendship and hatred are always intermingling.

i’ve never brought it up here, but i often imagine a timeline of their relationship, because i enjoy the idea of them figuring themselves out through each other, just because they are genuinely amazing (platonically) together, and they get into some of my favorite shit. the thought of late night talks and confessions about their worries and confusion about their feelings while lying in bed, just close because they feel comfortable that way, realizing they can keep loving each other and not force it to mean something it doesn’t, the relief that comes with that, a final kiss that really doesn’t mean anything but thank you, not losing what they had but rather gaining a whole new kind of intimacy, and still getting into absolutely ridiculous situations. maybe dee realizes shes, ironically, found herself with a crush on the waitress and it cracks charlie up. he doesnt mind. he’s finally learned that if he Is going to be with someone it should definitely be with someone who makes him feel at Least half as comfortable as the way being around dee does, and knowing he doesn’t have to make himself look for that, but when he knows he will know. plus, he cant imagine dee pulling that one off. but maybe one day she does. dees gentler around the edges, and she gets butterflies when talking to women, but she never gags. charlie’s a terrible wingman but he keeps convincing dee to let him try. she brings a girl home for the first time and charlie all but backflips in an empty pool that day. they’re still shithats but they’re learning to let that go. people can get better. AA would probably help.

iv gone too far goodbye

#chardee #charlie kelly #dee reynolds #maybe this is sort of #meta #ramblings #headcanon #rape ment #im so sorry this was not wat u askd for flnsjkfgh #anon #ask

[neurodivergentchaosking]

Story Time: husband edition

thanks to me reading from blood and ash, i am missing my husband like crazy. I am going to see him in about 18 hours- but thats not gonna help.. let me back up and explain our weird relationship.

2018: left the Navy (medical discharge with so much godsdamnned PTSD) and got a short-lived job at Walmart, thats where we met. what can i say? we found love in a hopeless place.

I knew i was going to marry him the moment i met him. I just fucking new it.Which was annoying cus he had a gf (also short-lived)

I may have hunted him down and did a few tactics to get his attention/ what i wanted- things i have fully confessed to him lmao-. i wanted to be with him.

he broke up with his GF when i was at pride. topless in Seattle <3 (omg post-op i can wall around topless like fucking everywhere). and we com hung out the next day...had very active sex... and then we just never were apart.

We couldn't bare to be away from each other or do anything. being in each others arms felt like home. sounds like a fucking fairytale right? too bad that shit aint sustainable. we eventually moved in and like...absorbed each other...we just smoked weed and ordered doordash. we also have a lot of unresolved trauma that we may have taken out on each other- oh the fun unintentional toxic traits you learn as a survival mechanism of severe psychological abuse-we tore each other apart emotionally

the things is, when i love someone...i love them with all of me.i will do basically anything that i think they need to be happy...i would literally murder for my people i don't give a fuck...but like also... i hate just as fiercely...and because i have trauma brain i cant always access the love and only can find the things i hate about them so i think hate them even though i dont.- *sigh* oh trauma brain, i hate you.

he is also a typical cis male when it comes to sex. clitorus, whats that? -which is insane because it is literally fucking pierced- he was also ROUGH and not in a good way. he was lucky he had such a huge cock and i have an active imagination....and a vibrator

anyways after a month after getting married (courthouse wedding woohoo)...i decided i wanted a divorce. we stayed seperated but in the same apartment- cuz im poor-

in walks Mary, my Ex (not ex at the time) with undiagnosed NPD just begging for a food source.Lets my cat out (that went missing for 8 months) and BLAMED IT ON MY HUSBAND. and my stupid ass believed her.

i barely spoke to my husband after that for months.

i did have an epiphany during a roadtrip through my childhood (Cali)...I wasn't ready to give up on my husband. so i forgave him for everything.

we still have so many fucking issues, and we both decided to be friends for now till we can grow the fuck up and get our heads outta our trauma

but its so HARD. literally!. he comes over every week, we smoke weed, laugh talk cuddle, ug i get reminding of how much i love the way he thinks. hes so fucking clever. he always pulls me tight against him like we can just never be close enough (i feel the same). I love the way he smells! i love that he is the most kind man that has nothing bad to say about people and yet can still admire my utterly savage nature and feel so accepted. 

Ive never felt more seen and more loved- in my life- and its really fucking stupid (ug im bawling RN fml) that i dont get to be with him. that i hafta wait. thats dumb as shit.

theres always so much sexual tension between us, and the way he looks at me makes my heart fucking melt. like last week i was showing him new music and i was singing along and it was MUCH higher than im used to (i may have perfect pitch, but my range fucking sucks) he was just staring at me like i was this precious little angel in front of him (all of these things im incredibly NOT).

Honestly im just waiting for him to go to therapy. thats all its gonna take for me to start things up again....theres obviously a lot more to the story (include my uterus randomly yeeting our unborn child) but ugg u got the story you needed to understand why this stupid vampire porn book im reading is making me crave my stupid soulmate, and im just a bit miffed about it so yall hafta suffer this long ass story thats anti-climactic af. mwahahahaha

#BPD #romance #husband #married #trauma #childhood trauma #from blood and ash #bookworm

[insatiablestitches]

BIG ASS MENTAL BREAKDOWN RANT DO NOT READ ITS SUPER TRIGGERIG BUT IM SELF DESTRUCTIVE AND POSTING IT ANYWAYS BECAUSE I CRAVE ATTENTIONM

My rapist is getting arrested within the next couple days. I’m scared of going to court since I’m quite sure it’s going to go there and fuck idk. I sleep in past my counselling sessions because I can’t fall asleep at night and when I’m finally able to sleep I don’t want to wake up for as long as possible. I can’t get over the fact that I am a burden, financially and mentally, to my entire family. My entire existence consists of me sleeping, eating, pissing, shitting, crying, flashbacks, panic attacks, dissociation, self harming and mental breakdowns. I’m physically incapable of doing anything else but until this shit goes to court I’m just going to try as hard as I can to survive. I haven’t even been able to see any psychiatrists or psychologists to get even a fucking diagnosis because I’m just such a fucking burden and they can smell it from a mile away. I’ve tried contacting ducking DOZENS of people but none are interested. Not even the people who are paid to help me want to get anywhere near me. I genuinely want to do a suicide attempt just so people understand how much being raped has ruined me, maybe then I’ll get help. I just don’t want to bring any attention to it or do it before we go to court and he gets his charges just in case it means I’ll be stopped from doing it in the future. I’m still under 18 so at least the public mental health care is still alright for me, I have no ducking clue what I’m going to do in a years time becausethen I’ll be locked up with literal criminals because of the actions of what one person did to me one night. I’ve been told for 10 months things will get better. Sure I’m not as depressed cause I’m on anti depressants but now I can actually feel all of the pain constantly overwhelming me and the only thing that stops it is the physical pain caused by me literally cutting my own goddamn skin open, how fucked is that and how fucked am I? There’s something strangely grounding and satisfying about running my fingertips over the fresh scabs that form after i cut. I’m worried I’ll scar myself permanently too if I do it too often or too deep. I don’t want other people judging and assuming my story, when telling it puts me in danger for manipulation and more pain. Even though they will help me keep away from those who think down on people who have and do self harm I don’t want to have a reminder of this pain every time I look down at my arms or see my shoulders in the mirror. Fuck I also miss how it feels to have a strong romantic bond with a partner. I got a boyfriend a couple months ago and he was fucking perfect, but my issues triggered his depression so he left me. You’re always #1, I understand that, but everyday I miss the safety and feeling that everything’s going to be okay that I felt when we texted, he spoke to me and when I was in his arms. I fucking hate myself, there’s nothing wrong with my body physically I literally couldn’t give a shit about that, but just the fact that it was _this_ body that was raped absolutely disgusts me. I shouldn’t expect anyone to love me while I feel this way about myself, using people as emotional crutches is toxic and unhelpful but in the moment it makes me feel almost okay and compared to the rest of my existence fucj that’s so incredible. The only times I’ve been happy this year was when I was high. Fuck it feels so good to just not have everything swirling around in my head constantly and to be able to just chill out and laugh, without immediately remembering how pathetic I really am. The other upside is that my senses heighten and sex is fucking brilliant, plus I normally have no bad reactions after it and I can just vibe without the risk of a flashback at any point. The fact that I’m actually happy when I smoke is the reason why I don’t smoke ever. It’s too painful after to have such a recent memory of it, which makes me want to smoke more until it would trap me in a viscous loop which I cannot afford. I’ve actually never paid for weed cause I normally smoke when I sleep with guys and obviously the man has to pay for the dinner on the first ;)

Idk if this is glitched or what but I’m going to continue here. I’m just fucked. Everyone at my school hates me or thinks I’m annoying at the very least. In the past couple months only a handful of people have been bothered to ask me how I am going, to which I respond honestly with “I’m going through A LOT right now” and they always say they’re there to talk, but the moment I tell anyone what I’ve gone through and how horribly I’m dealing with it they get scared off so I just prefer to stay vague and mysterious. I can’t wait to graduate. I was meant to this year but honestly I doubt I’ll even graduate next year, that’s if I make it. Does tumblr have a content detection bot? Like will it read this and be like well shit this girl needs help and call a fucking ambulance or something to my house? Dear tumblr bot I’m okay for now but if you’re able to make mental health professionals actually give a shit about me PLEASE TELL ME.

I was told once I told my family and reached out things would get better and I’d get help. I spent 7 months in fear, stupidly may I add. I had a fucking monumental breakdown the night my bf broke up with me, which made me write a text to my mum about it. It’s been 3 months since then, and I don’t have the anxiety of my family not knowing anymore and some other shit, but things aren’t as great as people made it out to be. At least when my family didn’t know I was worried about the same few things, the police not being able to move forward with their investigation, me not getting sufficient help and support and some other shit I can’t remember at 6am. I always had a hope that kept me going which was that once my family knew I could actually get help. It’s fair to say that hasn’t happened, and things have gotten worse. 3 months ago I wouldn’t think of self harming, now I do it once every couple days, i would never have considered trying to kill myself even “for attention”, but now it’s something I always have in the back of my mind for if my rapist doesn’t get a decent sentence. Fuck now I’m upset about this. I just don’t want him to hurt anyone else. Nobody deserves to experience what I have to go through daily, possibly for the rest of my fucking life. I just am constantly so worried about this, what if there are others? And my inaction until July caused someone else to experience something similar to me. I don’t know if I could handle that news. Fuck there are birds chirping outside I’ve been up for so long, now I might not ever be able to get to sleep now.

It’s strange how I enjoy the warmth that happens on my skin after I cut it while it’s freshly healing. Idk, it’s like irritation but there was no bacteria trying to get in so it won’t hurt for long. I’m too much of a pussy to cut deep because I want to be in non psych ward bliss for just a little bit. Hey wait I’m gonna go send a text to a friend to maybe hang out and do some naughty stuff to try and make me feel better lol.

I apologise to anyone who actually read this, but thanks for listening I guess this helped me through a breakdown. I might not post it actually, wait fuck it I’m gonna lmao. Alright nightttt

#vent #rant #triggering

[maternalcube]

i reblogged a post earlier abt touchy klance but its smth ive been thinking abt so much lately and im probably coming at it from a different angle than the op so. heres a goddamn essay, formatted entirely on mobile bc i hate myself.

first, keith:

hes a straightforward kinda guy, and he trusts his senses above all else. if he can see it, hear it, smell it, feel it, its real. hes hands on–metaphorically, but maybe also literally?

i think hes the sort to just… touch things sometimes. feeling is believing.

think of that scene at the party on arus where keith pokes lance and he falls over. or the Bonding Moment™ where he just goes and like, grabs lances hand.

also like every interaction with shiro. they touch each other so much and it comes from both sides.

he canonically doesnt like touching strangers, but friends? a-okay.

also touch starvation is a thing that he probably has.

now, lance:

i think him being physically affectionate is a common headcanon but?? i cant think of that many examples actually

mostly that scene where theyve got those space capri suns and hes leaning against hunk?

lance likes to sprawl, and Friends Are Furniture

BUT what i can think of are times when lance is totally chill with being touched. because hunk is pretty grabby/has no sense of boundaries and he doesnt seem to mind. i mean theyre both comfy with each other but mostly hunk initiates

big family –> no personal space, i guess

the sort of pre-conclusion to all this, is that keith touches deliberately, while lance is more passive about it–keith uses his hands, lance uses people as backrests/armrests/headrests

(also, kind of a lengthy sidenote, but for klance to be,, plausible,, lance needs some character development:

right now, to lance, keith is a rival, not a friend

if lance gains real confidence in himself (and not his false bravado, genuine confidence) he can stop like… projecting his insecurities onto keith

also the rest of the team but keith in particular, hence the rivalry. keith is kinda where lance wants to be right now

once he can think of them as equals–by gaining confidence in himself but also by recognizing that keith is only (mostly) human–they can leave the rivalzone and enter….. the Friendzone™

this is pretty much all on lance, though keiths actions could certainly help or hinder the process–but keith never instigates fights between them, only defends himself, and he doesnt always do that (im paraphrasing someone elses post here hfhhf)

uhh yeah the point is they gotta be friends first, i dont subscribe to that… i-hate-him-so-much-because-i-secretly-have-a-crush business soz)

so ANYWAY, actual conclusions:

the usual instigator of any physical contact?? is gonna be keith

like i said, hes straightforward. if he wants to hold lances hand hes just gonna… grab lances hand

hes probably also subconsciously craving physical contact because, again, touch starvation

lance mostly rolls with it but his idea of initiating touch is gonna be leaning against keiths shoulder or like, sprawling across his lap

hugging might be 50/50 though. its the middle ground lmao. i bet they hug differently though.

theyll work up to it slowly. starting with bumping shoulders and grabbing arms and working up to hugs and the aforementioned sprawling and platonic handholding

until it stops being platonic and then theyre just like… in constant contact all the time. such cuddles. wow.

thats a lame note to end on but ive spent all day on this damn essay and im done. read my fanfic b y e

#boy i had... a lot more thoughts on this than i... thought #i really hate my brain sometimes why is THIS the thing i had to hyperfocus on #when theres so much shit i gotta do #klance #voltron thoughts #me beating my brain with a rolled up newspaper: THIS ISNT WHAT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DO TODAy #pointless post #alright well. this is sort of the stuff i had in the back of my mind writing youd fly with me #sooooo yep. bye. #long post