#like. it's been a decade I literally don't care

[lesfir]

From "Triumph of Evil" analysis, I would like to pay attention to the final part.

BG3 Epilogue. Original God Gale. Lord Astarion.

Astarion: You can't be serious. You miss being weak? Falling ill? Ageing? devnote. NodeContext: Slight stress on 'aging' Astarion: We can be honest with each other, Gale - one immortal being to another: this is great. devnote. NodeContext: "this is great" as if confiding a secret.

"That's great" - developer: "as if confiding a secret". If AA here is unhappy inside and not honest with himself, then the developer about the "Confiding a secret" can't lie. It can be twisted that it's just for acting, whispered, for voice expression. I dont think so. Honest with each other -> that's great -> developer: as if confiding a secret.

A Secret is a truthful thing inside a person, if it is confiding all the more.

The ghost of grief, guilt and lost happiness in AAstarion's eyes in animation at 00.1 seconds and kinda stuff breaks down, of course, not just on this kind of note. But it became a special moment for me.

About the notes and context of the author Astarion, Stephen Rooney says this: When we're writing the lines there was little contexts and kind of places you could enter context so I could say just a little bit of anger on this line, little bit sadness, this is what you’re thinking about. It’s kind of like passing notes in class. (Interview: Stephen Rooney | Idle Insights | Idle Champions | D&D. 24:44 The question starts at 23:06) Next. Entering Good Ending territory. Disclaimer: I am very not close to the idea of this path, so it's partly a criticism, I guess. If power, hedonism and decadence that feel great to be with - look like chains when it's all gone. When there's no way to get the throne, you tell yourself you'd cut yourself on it and bring bad things - that's my personal interpretation. The kind of "chains" Astarion would have gotten 200 years ago, perfect Kusarigama for anyone who wants to make him a slave. It's a sad fact that adds a complex moral. This path that has been stained with blood and evil, not everyone is willing to go, it's not always necessary, it's fine without it too and be happy - but if you reach it, as it turns out, someone don't cut yourself, and feel great.

Like a quite corrupt person, a narcissist. who is Astarion

I kind of don't call myself the "make him worse" team, he's already awful enough from the start, I don't even have to try, I just agree. Maybe what makes him worse now is the final belief in an evil worldview, he was already expressing agreement at evil answers so... point in an evil fairy tale well sort of.

This dark line of development can be seen from a whole analysis. This volcano of dark desires Astarion was always on the horizon.

Don't care about others, the world, or the consequences. Do whatever you want without holding back with full protection and autonomy, even if horrible things or good things, whatever pleases you - your personality and your choice. Literally evil success. When I talk about "evil" in regards to Astarion, I always mean an attractive and complex evil that is very important to him as a character, as a whole. And since Astarion's evil flourishes in the Evil Ending, all the more so in this one. Here about it.

#astarion #ascended astarion #lord astarion #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #astarion bg3 #bg3 astarion #bg3 evil run #Bg3 Evil Path

[star-born-mars]

Standing on a Ledge, Standing on a Precipice

Instead of Dick, you find Jason on the ledge. It starts to uncover something you would rather it didn't.

TW: suicidal thoughts and actions (I mean the entire scene is literally him ready to pitch himself off the edge), discussions of suicidal thoughts and actions, probably some unhealthy codependency, and probably some unhealthy coping mechanisms

Please let me know if you want me to add more.

A/N: I couldn't get that scene out of my head, of Jason standing there. This is probably so bad, I'm sorry. I'll probably write a sequel to this, ngl.

"Jason," you asked, crossing your arms on the ledge he was standing on, "how long have we been friends?"

"A long fuckin' time," he told you, sniffling.

"We were- what, 10- when we met?" you inquired, looking over the city as it bustled by, ignorant to the boy ready to pitch himself off the roof at any moment.

"Yeah."

"Almost a decade then. Think about that, Jay. We've known each other nearly half of our lives. In another decade, it'll be two thirds."

"Doll, I probably won't make it another decade," Jason replied, looking down at the people who were strolling by down below.

"Why are you up here, Jay?"

"C'mon, you know me, doll. I'm poison, whatever I touch I destroy."

"That's not true, Jay. You wanna know how I know?"

Jason was clearly just humoring you when he asked, "How?"

"Because who is the one person that you touch the most? The person who's had the most contact with you in your life?"

"You," he reluctantly admitted.

"And who's still alive and kicking despite the universe's best efforts otherwise?"

"You."

"Jason, look at me," you implored, turning towards him. "Please?"

"You're not playin' fair, doll. You know I can't say no to that face," he complained, turning to look at you.

"All's fair in love and war," you reminded him. "C'mon Jay, you're my best friend. Don't you think if you were the problem that something would've happened to me already?"

Jason couldn't argue with that and you knew it.

He knew it too, based on the way he was scowling now instead of crying.

"Jay, they have no fucking clue who you are," you said, reaching up to take his hand in yours. "And as cliche as it sounds, they don't know you like I do. I know you didn't do any of the shit that they're accusing you of."

"How'd you know?"

"For one thing, it's not really your style," you said with a smirk, watching as Jason gave you an unimpressed look. "But mostly, I just know you. It just... it doesn't fit."

You shrugged, daring to tug lightly on Jason's hand, urging him back towards safety.

"Jason, you know you don't have to stay here, right?" you asked, threading your fingers through his, sliding your palms together. "Clearly they don't really care whether you stay or go, except maybe Gar and Conner. You can go wherever you want."

Jason didn't say anything for a moment, and he waited long enough that you thought perhaps he wasn't going to say anything at all in response to what you'd told him, but then he asked, "If I wanted to go somewhere they didn't know who we were, would you go with me?"

"What?"

"If I wanted to get out of Gotham, leave the Titans, find some random town on a map and disappear, would you come with me?"

"You'd never leave Gotham like that, but if you wanted to run away, we could. I mean, we've done it before right? We both have all the necessary documentation to go to college, we both graduated high school, we can work pretty much any minimum experience job we want. Is that what you want to do? Disappear for a few years? Maybe a lifetime?"

Jason actually thought about it for a moment. You could tell because of the way his brows furrowed, the way he his mouth turned down into something more absentminded than a scowl.

"No. You're right, I could never leave Gotham like that. But it's a nice thought," Jason admitted softly, hopping down from the ledge to wrap his arms around you, disentangling your hands so he could rub a line up and down your spine. You slid your hands into his hair in response, grinning when he melted against you, like he was trying to burrow into you. "You'd really run away with me?"

"I've done it before," you reminded him. "I mean, I think we're codependent enough that even if you ran away without me, I'd still find you. But I can see us in our own place, away from Bruce and the Manor. You going to class to get an education degree or something. Volunteering at the theatre on your time off. Drama coach maybe."

"You've thought about it?" Jason asked quietly, hands stilling.

There was something in his tone that had you tensing. It wasn't something you heard often, given Jason's usual allergy to feelings and discussing them, even with you sometimes, but this sounded similar. It was a tone he adopted when he had been told something he didn't quite know what to do with, something he didn't quite know how to feel about.

"I mean, you haven't? We're practically ancient, Jason," you tried, attempting humor as an out.

Jason didn't take it.

"You've seriously thought about us like that?" he asked, pulling away just enough to see your face.

Something akin to terror crawled up your throat at his phrasing. Something rose like a tidal wave, threatening to drag you under.

You had to get the situation back under control. You had to do something to divert his attention.

Despite what Jason seemed to think, it was rather easy to love him. Yes, he was brash, impulsive, rather allergic to authority in most forms, and he was as stubborn as a mule, but his heart was in the right place most of the time. He was just another kid who'd been fucked over the people in his life, the system, and just the universe in general.

Having known him since you were kids was a huge advantage when it came to getting past Jason's defenses, but that didn't mean that you incapable of stepping on a land mine.

Jason let you do a lot of things others could only dream about. Touching him as freely as you could was a gift, being able to tease and poke fun was delightful and carefully regulated to when there was no one else around.

But admitting that you had feelings for him that weren't entirely platonic was the equivalent of throwing your relationship with him over the ledge he'd just been standing on.

It had been pretty easy, the last few years, to hide it. At first, there had been a phase where, no matter what was going on, even the thought of Jason had you grinning. Then there had been the warm cheeks and the upset stomach. Those things had settled into a low contentment.

It didn't matter that there was no way in hell he returned your feelings. It didn't matter that there was no way in hell you were going to get half of the things that you wanted. It was okay. Because having him as a friend was a thousand times better than losing him.

Giving him the support that he needed and getting his friendship in return was more than enough.

Besides, he had made his type very clear, and it wasn't you.

You chuckled awkwardly as Jason continued to stare at you. "I mean, Jay, c'mon, do you really think you and Bruce could live in the same house- even one as big as the Manor- forever? I mean, I know we wouldn't live together forever either though. You're gonna get a partner at some point and I'll either move out or you will."

You tried to back up, to put some space between you, like that would lessen the intensity of the stare he was giving you, but Jason clung tighter.

He wasn't letting you go, then.

"No, I don't think that's what you meant," he said, resolving settling into his voice as he somehow managed to pull you closer. "That's not what it sounded like."

"What did it sound like?" slipped out without your permission, and you had the sudden, intense urge to throw yourself off the ledge, just to save yourself the embarrassment.

This also didn't seem like the kind of conversation that you should have been having with the friend who had been contemplating pitching themselves off the roof of a building just a few minutes ago.

"Doll," Jason started, but you panicked.

"Look, Jay, a lot of people think shit like that about their friends. Well, normal people anyway. It doesn't have to be a weird thing. Please don't make it a weird thing."

You watched as his face went through about fifty different emotions before he hesitantly nodded.

"Good, then we should probably head back inside. Tell me tomorrow what the plan is," you said, pushing yourself out of his arms and backing towards the exit.

You paused by the door, just to make sure that he was following you in. You were desperate, not stupid.

Hopefully, this would be one of the things that Jason let go. One could hope anyway.

#jason todd #jason todd x reader #reader #jason my beloved #jason todd angst #jason todd fluff #dc titans jason todd #dc titans jason todd fluff #dc titans jason todd angst #i want to put my hands in his hair #i want to love this man #jason todd is baby and you can't convince me otherwise

[stillcominback]

𝚆𝙴𝙻𝙻, 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚅𝙴𝚁𝙳𝙸𝙲𝚃'𝚂 𝙸𝙽: as a lot of you may know by know [ if you've caught any of my previous posts about it ], i'm moving with my parents back to california from texas -- where i've been for about 30 years -- because overall? it'll be good for me. i'm sick of texas for the most part, i literally can't afford to live on my own [ and honestly? i like being near my parents and would just have more security and better quality of life in CA ], and i just think sometimes a change is good!

i've been waiting to see if my job will let me keep my job [ and continue to pay me dirt, even! ] ... all i was asking is that i can live in california and work remote. well, the owner has decided he will not allow me to do that. is there a good reason? in my opinion: no. he's framing it [ in his conservative white man rich business owner brain ] that I'M the one making the choice to move because i could apparently just as easily stay in texas and get my own place etc etc etc. so it's on me! unfortunately, it's just not that simple, but i guess from a guy who runs a family business and has multiple homes, it's just hard to really grasp that concept.

i'm literally so furious and so heartbroken at the same time. i know it's not the best company, and yeah i guess, we can say this is for the best in the end? but that doesn't make it hurt less. i've been there for almost 11 fucking years. my ENTIRE career out of college. through ups and downs, i was always working my ass off and being a great employee ... shining reviews and reputation with literally everyone. it just hurts that that ultimately means nothing when i'm finally asking for something in return. i take the poverty wages, take the working in the office when i hate it for the most part, i've taken having to hear misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, every-phobic thing over the years ... then i ask for ONE thing in 11 years [ that's literally not even a big ask ] and it's a ✨no✨.

i feel so lost. like i don't even know how to be without this job, and as much as people tell me YOU'RE SO TALENTED! YOU'RE SO GREAT! YOU'LL FIND SOMETHING SOOOO MUCH BETTER! i wanna believe it, but my brain just ... doesn't. maybe it's imposter syndrome or just how fucking down on myself i feel right now. i still appreciate it because i literally don't know what i would do without my friends and family's support right now like ... even if i can't see it for myself, it means the literal world to me.

plus sides [ i guess ]: i should be able to keep my laptop [ but i'll lose adobe cc so ... i may need some recs or help on how to at least get photoshop cause idk how i'll carry on without it lmao ]; my manager who is a literal saint and one of the best people i know [ she actually pissed the owner off going to the mat for me lmao "he doesn't like to be questioned" ... insert the biggest eye-roll of my life ] ... but she said she would help me with literally everything from linkedin to my resume to a portfolio, and i know that'll be like everything to me while i just .... try to navigate all of this ON TOP OF trying to move.

ALSO: i think i can work until i leave, if that's what i want to do ... i'm still trying to figure all of this out because honestly? even though it's not much? i need the money. but then i'm also like i don't wanna do the owner any favors by having me work while they maybe start putting out feelers to replace me, yknow? BUT THEN AGAIN, i'm hurting my boss more than him [ and that's the twisted, frustrated thing about all of this ... it hurts us way more than it does anything to him but he still gets to make the choice for us ]. SO! i dunno! i may just use all my PTO and see how far that gets me lmao but i feel like at the end of the day, i have to look out for myself and maybe just trying to pull in as many paychecks as i can [ since we also don't have a hard 'we're moving!' date at the moment ] is the best idea ... even if the idea of going into the office and acting normal like literally makes me so ... 😤 but i dunno! my brain is a mess! afjhksdfda

SO YEAH. i just wanted to update you guys because i do consider you friends. whether we talk a little or a lot, i appreciate all of you so much and just wanted to keep folks in the loop with where my life and my head's at right now. not the best but ... just trying to keep it moving. honestly nooooo clue when writing is gonna happen here again??? i do miss / enjoy the distraction of plotting and talking about all this stuff so don't be shy, i just don't know when i'll have the time or capacity to just write here [ maybe once we move and stuff settles a little bit? ] -- but yeah, in the meantime, please come chat with me, let's plot dynamics and all that shit because it still makes me so happy and lets me take my mind on a little vacation lmao love you all, truly! ❤️

#** reblogging on some of my blogs to pass it around but! applies across the board: you can find most of my blogs in my pinned post here! ** #been on and off crying since like 4PM yesterday so it's been a ride lemme tell ya! #nothing like feeling like you wasted over a decade of your life at a job that never really cared about you #like MY boss does but stupidly she doesn't get to make all the decisions for HER own team #even though the owner is barely present and doesn't really know anything about us or the day to day so ... very cool of him #to make big decisions that can hurt a lot of people (and don't affect him one bit either way) #he just really doesn't seem to give a shit at all that it makes our lives so much harder for NO reason #it's just that he literally doesn't “like” remote working and doesn't want to set some kind of company-wide precedent #even tho i'm like moving isn't THAT easy lmao people aren't all just gonna mass exodus out my guy #(also we have a C-level employee who lives / works from new york but ... apparently that's SUUUUPER different because she lived there when #she was hired ........ *stares into camera*) #anyway!!! i'm just really frustrated and hurt and fucking terrified #and i appreciate literally anyone who bothered to read all this! lmao #i'll be around on mobile as per usual ❤️❤️❤️ #00. // OUT OF AMMO ( OOC POST. )

[awkward-teabag]

Can't even mention that a store near me is clearly using abusing the TFW program because they refuse to pay little more than minimum wage in a high cost of living area (also you won't get benefits and you'll only be part-time) because the fascists and right-wingers will jump in to say it's about immigration and white replacement.

No, it's because rich white people want to hoard even more money and found an intentional loophole to both make more money (via paying employees less) and also have more power over employees, employees who may or may not know Canadian employment laws (or safety laws) and even if they do, don't have the ability or support to try to hold the company accountable.

You can absolutely criticize the federal government for keeping the loophole open but it predates Trudeau by decades and it was Harper who both expanded the program and added a way for companies to fast-track TFWs. It was also under Harper that companies started firing Canadians (or not hiring them) and then requesting permission to mass-hire TFWs instead.

But the way the right wing talks, you would think Trudeau started this whole thing and the poor multi-million and multi-billion dollar companies are being taken advantage of. Also that housing prices, lack of new developments, and zoning issues started with Trudeau and are the fault of mass-immigration he has a boner for instead of being an issue for decades and experts warning this would happen if governments didn't act ASAP.

Instead the neolibs and cons kept cutting back and kicking that can down the road, a can that started being kicked by Mulroney and the Conservative Party.

#as a 90s kid i grew up with warnings about healthcare and housing and how we needed mass immigration or a massive baby boom #because of the utter lack of federal support and an aging workforce #the systems were already being strained to their limits and there literally weren't enough millennials to replace retiring workers #*or* bring in enough taxes to fund said systems when the system needed it the most #not even increase funding just keeping the same funding that was already not enough #also the right conveniently ignores (or doesn't know about) the extremely predatory recruitment industry #that targets people overseas while lying and charging large amounts of money to bring tfws to canada #you could even blame chretien for expanding it to include 'low-skilled' workers which is what companies are abusing it for #hell even trudeau sr for creating it in the first place even though it was originally made for high-skilled or niche jobs #but no the blame is always trudeau jr with a ton of racism and brownnosing capitalists #because all these problems sprang up suddenly under him #and in no way did harper start/expand/not end/be complicit in any of this /s #though i guess for some of the fascists it seems that way 'cause they weren't personally affected by it until now #and companies have stopped trying to pretend they aren't grabbing as much money as possible because fuck anyone else #even though it's been like that for decades and capitalism itself encourages companies to skim money off the top #while not having the checks and balances to limit just how much #for that you need governments to regulate things and that doesn't work when you have leaders who are anti-regulation #and who believe in trickle down economics #just... the whole thing is not happening in a bubble and involves multiple people and both the neolibs and cons #because it's been building for decades #but you can't bloody say that because the moment you mention housing/jobs/healthcare and/or tfws #you get inundated by fascists who think you're one of them and hit you with some of the most unhinged shit #or who don't even care about you and just want someone to rant at about how it's the evil left's fault for everything #hell you can't even say you don't like trudeau because same thing: fascists think you're one of them or someone to bring into the cult

[silverduckie]

....okay so I dmed someone to remove a gif of mine because they reposted it from a watermarked set that explictly said in the body of the post that those gifs are not allowed to be resposted, right? (and the watermark was still in the gif even 😂) And like they did it, and in the time it took me to type a thank you message, they just deleted their account????

#like dude i was just gonna let it slide after you removed my gif like... yeah I did warn them if they didn't remove it I was gonna like #make a public post about the theft but like... you removed it - all I care about. Other gif makers will defend their own gifs like #i'll be honest when I went into the actor's tag for self-care because this week is rough and saw that I was pissed so I was mean for me lik #wasn't my harshest moment in the dms with this stuff but definitely wasn't my normal super friendly hey i assume you didn't #see the disclaimer but- message style either - i was very firm #listen there's only so many times you can be nice and someone tells you to kill yourself before you're no longer nice in the initial messag #i've been giffing over a decade i'm tired and that scene alone took 30+ minutes to color because it came out of netflix's asshole i stg <3 #like i offered to reupload the scene for them too if they wanted to just gif it themselves okay but god #wish fanfic writers understood the whole if you wouldn't want someone to steal your entire fic don't steal gifs #like literally i can only speak for myself but I work with fanfic writers who dm me BEFORE they steal the gif like... just shoot me a #message - I'm usually pretty nice unless you literally stole my shit after I asked you not to

[fearandhatred]

guys hear me out i feel like some things are said or done either because of ignorance or bigotry, and i do think they are two different things and that to some extent ignorance can be excusable. but being unwilling to learn from your ignorance is in itself bigotry. in my opinion

#fearandhatred #like there's a fine line between the two #just realised this is also relevant to a Certain Person... #but really i started thinking about this because of my friend who blew up on me (see leanne's travel blog tag) #because she's always been a little..... strange #and held strange views i think because of her upbringing #she literally has said she does not care about social issues at all and that she doesn't find speaking about them conducive to her #ok anyway i've known her for almost a decade now and for the longest time i have been attributing her views to ignorance #because i do think it's true to an extent #and she is a good person in other ways #but idk how many more excuses i got left in me bro #because some of the things she's said on this trip have genuinely shocked me and my other friends #and i know nothing we say will change her mindset because she just don't gaf #so anyway yeah #maybe i should just start acknowledging that she may be a bigot or something! #honestly i forgave her for that incident at that moment but my bsf was and is still SO insanely pissed on my behalf at what she said to me #that idk i may just. stop interacting with her #we will see we will see

[tvrningout-a]

btw! the only vampires who are still concerned with the concept of saving yourself for marriage are the younger ones who have parents who would disapprove asdf most vamps who've been around for ages are just " look i've been married five times, i really don't care at this point as long as we care about each other. and what shirley does is no concern of mine "

#i just think they'd be much more accepting of intimacy outside of marriage uvu #and physical relationships in general bc it's like!! literally we're too old to care if you're sleeping with one person or three #just don't ruin my vibe this decade's been pretty cool so far #asdfg i feel like i'm joking a lot rn but i'm serious-- #headcanons | dórverold #btw i have to copy and paste that tag every time bc tumblr won't save it and it's driving me batty!!

[banditosong]

Tonight by Tyler Joseph is what I'm feeling rn

#one of my two IRL friends #ive been good friends with this person for over a decade mind you #just admitted that he betrayed my trust in a very major way #i was working so hard to preserve this friendship #but it's felt very one- sided for a long time #and now i know he doesn't plan on doing anything to fix this #i really thought he cared about me but no he was just using me #i don't know what to do now #i don't make friends easily im literally the personification of anxiety #i feel like im losing everyone #sorry for the long rant if you've read this far #random rambles

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

ATTENTION: BRAINDEAD POST INCOMING

i'm gonna marry him i swear to god. I promise. no kidding

#his 80s cary elwes-esque slay w the moustache WHYYYYYYYYYY i am in agony. #i think there was just something about 2021. prophetic dreams were abound and we all fell in love w someone who greatly impacted us forever #i still believe there's smth special about him and i can't let him go 😐 the nature of the dream and everything and the fact that i knew IT #i sowwy for being insane but i do believe he's my special little guy. him havin a gf literally changes nothing. whoops! 🤷‍♀️ #god i have a problem i think i need to be on anti-psychotics but idc. i'm just remembering how i was sayin i was happy abt him reading my #comment and saying good night to me and i called him 'my beloved streamer' and people were callin me parasocial for that and yet #a bitch who's been his fan for over half a decade who ends up dating him ISN'T parasocial? the hypocrisy of everyone being kind to her #while getting angry at other for being attracted to him and genuinely caring for him just like i'n sure she did. i hate alllllllll of you #i never felt like life made sense more than when i was obsessed w him... sigh #ironically i think want someone to tell me that i'm being crazy just so i can tell them to fuck off. it's not like i don't know or that i #enjoy being like this but i feel like a have no other choice? it's odd but it feels like my purpose. this is my rock to roll up the hill #my track record for this sorta thing isn't good but i'm trying to be better. just once i wanna be loved by someone i love heh... 😔 #he feels like the final one fr. the last in a line of total failures #god it's a miracle anyone puts up w me ngl LOL there's smth deeply wrong w me i don't think is fixable #not to quote astrology like it's gospel but the stars decided i was supposed to fall for someone in the public eye so. it only makes sense #that this keeps happening to me i guess. i'm just fuckin retarded no need to be concerned #anyways SCHIZOPOSTING OVER! back to whatever the fuck else i can use as a diversion so no one reads this (even tho no one gaf)

[badnewbie]

i just can't stay silent on this any longer....rob mcelhenny has 1000% seen and potentially enjoyed love actually

#sunny podcast #is this as obvious to everyone else as it is to me? it couldn't be more obvious to me #'it sounds like the type of movie that has hugh grant in it. is hugh grant in it?' just casually guessing the PROTAGONIST #'actually i just looked up the cast and it's loaded! there's so many stars in this! should we watc- *gets interrupted*' #i refuse to believe people don't know the central gimmick of love actually before googling it #literally one of the most popular movies of its decade. ive seen it like five times despite never actually putting it on. #being alive in the 2000s means love actually has been in your background noise #anyway I also don't like. care about love actually but why lie about it #I mean I know why. this post is actually about how im obsessed with rob always sunny's naked insecurity #iasip

[mg549]

yayyyyy my monofin ships to me tomorrow im so excited

#note: i have had it for quite literally a decade now but couldn't fit it in my bags when i moved via airplane #i miss swimming with it so much but it's been years since ive used it bc of Thysphoria #but now the urge to swim outweighs the amt i care abt what strangers think of me #my only concern is the rec center telling me i can't use it hbhbh😔 #they don't even allow floaties there so god knows how they'll react to Mercreature Contraption #its a finis wave so it's like legit sports equip but how ppl react to it really varies on a case by case basis so well see #my posts

[cruelsister-moved2]

ugh i kind of want to do my diss about music + trance states possibly gender mediation through trance states or something like that but ritual and trance have been a hot topic in ethnomusicology for ages so I doubt itd be very original whereas ik the stuff ive been getting into about englishness, the past, race, and cultural hybridity is more hot off the press or whatever plus ive done it before so i have a lot of groundwork already. and then I feel like what I would love to do abt neurodivergence would actually feel like the thing thats most important and revelatory but I genuinely dont know how I would actually go about it like i think id have to do fieldwork or something like I feel really out of my comfort zone when im not basically just synthesising theory from two previously unconnected fields I know that is basically what my brain is just good at 😭😭😭 basically torn between what I should do what I can do and what I want to do eeeek

#I think when term starts I can just like bring my three ideas to my supervisor and see what they say #Im literally just so scared of making a fool of myself that I want to come with like everything already laid out or something like #I have a year to do it I don't think I have to have started before term begins 😭😭😭 #and wrt the second one like that is important too it's just that firstly it's a very small field and secondly ik there are other ppl kind #of having the conversation as well now like since lockdowm #when I started they were still v much in nationalism and I was like I think race and the empire is like an underexplored component in this #but I think 2 years on there are definitely like wheels turning more now #and also outside of trad like it's been explored for years most of what I did was just like taking decades old work and inserting it here #its just that this is honestly a very very white field (which is exactly like. my point) so nothing really made it in #and like idk its weird as a white person to try n make my career out of that I don't want to do that Im also just like in 3 years of this I #have not had one non white lecturer or classmate #so it does feel like it kind of. is my job to make the ppl around me think abt like. why that is #ik if I go into arts education racial equality will always be a big part of my priorities but like. my goal would really be helping someone #to become A Voice on the issue rather than trying to be that myself which I think is an important distinction #sorry this is so long and. no one cares this is just my thinking to myself place and also I need to remember what my prev thoughts where #I mean if anyone is like oh that one sounds dumb or whatever then i welcome that ayeueisidhdj but im just like u don't like. have to read #this I know its sooo rambly

[zanathan-aisling]

god the arc in space was good

#haven't seen it in over a decade #but like. conceptually #the way it differentiates itself from its successor(?) alien by the wirrn being played more as #literal BROOD parasitoids #with the remains of humanity being stuck in stasis functioning like a hive of sorts #brood pararistoid used colloqially #i'm referring to the common wasp thing of laying eggs in the grubs of another species rather than the adult. not kleptoparasitism or #that shit cuckoo wasps get up to #<- has been reading wikipedia #god i love wasps and bees and sometimes ants so much but i. don't really have a 'well' to infodump from as deep as some do #its like. the 'arc' as it exists in the serial is basically a vault filled with hermetically frozen humans who fled the irradiation of the #planet to hibernate in space. leaving them like functionally ungarded but still-cared-for-(by-life-support-and-shit) wasp/bee larvae #(ungaurded because why the fuck would technologically advanced but not really aliens-trained humanity predict 'space wasps') #its a fuckin buffet of new hosts lmfao #'i dont care if i do' ass shit #i'm sure i'm getting minor details wrong maybe most of the humans are already dead or some bs idk its been like 15 years #also then again maybe theres a lotta frozen people in Alien too? idk i still haven't fucking seen it bc i never just watch movies i mostly #associate that movie with people hiding from the thing or getting ambushed though (or being gruff military dudes and just shooting them wit #guns. thanks randy and also the second flick allegedly.)

[getvalentined]

An open letter to @staff

I already submitted this to Support under "Feedback," but I'm sharing it here too as I don't expect it to get a response, and I feel like putting in out in public may be more effective than sending it off into the void.

The recent post on the Staff blog about changing tumblr to an algorithmic feed features a large amount of misinformation that I feel staff needs to address, openly and honestly, with information on where this data was sourced at the very least.

Claim 1: Algorithms help small creators.

This is false, as algorithms are designed to push content that gets engagement in order to get it more engagement, thereby assuring that the popular remain popular and the small remain small except in instances of extreme luck.

This can already be seen on the tumblr radar, which is a combination of staff picks (usually the same half-dozen fandoms or niche special interests like Lego photography) which already have a ton of engagement, or posts that are getting enough engagement to hit the radar organically. Tumblr has an algorithm that runs like every other socmed algorithm on the planet, and it will decimate the reach of small creators just like every other platform before it.

Claim 2: Only a small portion of users utilize the chronological feed.

You can find a poll by user @darkwood-sleddog here that at the time of writing this, sits at over 40 THOUSAND responses showing that over 96 percent of them use the chronological feed*. Claiming otherwise isn't just a misstatement, it's a lie. You are lying to your core userbase and expecting them to accept it as fact. It's not just unethical, it's insulting to people who have been supporting your platform for over a decade.

Claim 3: Tumblr is not easy to use.

This is also 100% false and you ABSOLUTELY know it. Tumblr is EXTREMELY easy to use, the issue is that the documentation, the explanations of features, and often even the stability of the service is subpar. All of this would be very easy for staff to fix, if they would invest in the creation of walkthroughs and clear explanations of how various site features work, as well as finally fixing the search function. Your inability to explain how your service works should not result in completely ignoring the needs and wants of your core long-term userbase. The fact that you're more willing to invest in the very systems that have made every other form of social media so horrifically toxic than in trying to make it easier for people to use the service AS IT WORKS NOW and fixing the parts that don't work as well speaks volumes toward what tumblr staff actually cares about.

You will not get a paycheck if your platform becomes defunct, and the thing that makes it special right now is that it is the ONLY large-scale socmed platform on THE ENTIRE INTERNET with a true chronological feed and no aggressive algorithmic content serving. The recent post from staff indicates that you are going to kill that, and are insisting that it's what we want. It is not. I'd hazard to guess that most of the dev team knows it isn't what we want, but I assume the money people don't care. The user base isn't relevant, just how much money they can bring in.

The CEO stated he wanted this to remain as sort of the last bastion of the Old Internet, and yet here we are, watching you declare you intend to burn it to the ground.

You can do so much better than this.

Response to the Update

Under the cut for readability, because everything said above still applies.

I already said this in a reblog on the post itself, but I'm adding it to this one for easy access: people read it that way because that's what you said.

Staff considers the main feed as it exists to be "outdated," to the point that you literally used that word to describe it, and the main goals expressed in this announcement is to figure out what makes "high-quality content" and serve that to users moving forward.

People read it that way because that is what you said.

*The final results of the poll, after 24 hours:

136,635 votes breaks down thusly:

An algorithm based feed where I get "the best of tumblr." @ 1.3% (roughly 1,776 votes)

Chronological feed that only features blogs I follow. @ 95.2% (roughly 130,077 votes)

This doesn't affect me personally. @ 3.5% (roughly 4,782 votes)

#tumblr dot com #tumblr staff

[colorisbyshe]

I just came across a tweet saying that Aaron Bushnell--the man who burned himself to death while yelling Free Palestine until he couldn't anymore--will be "in the history books" and that phrase has been coming up a lot. And it chafes me every time I read it, every time I hear it.

Cause, a. no, a lot of this won't be in the American history books. American atrocities, especially those overseas but even those against American people (especially American people of color), don't go in the literal history books. Or the figurative ones. Most American atrocities are wiped from the collective memory... sometimes as soon as they happen. They go unreported (like the first person to self immolate to protest this genocide), they go erased, they go whitewashed, they go falsely recontextualized, and they get twisted into pro-America sentiment--we were right for those atrocities, we were wrong for them but we learned, we didn't learn from it but we felt bad about it and should be comforted for that soreness.

And b. is harder to verbalize but I'm gonna try. It feels... performative in the literal sense. Like we only value what is happening today out of deference for how people in the future will perceive it. We aren't doing anything to change anything NOW, to care about other people NOW, but so that one day... we'll be remembered a caring. Like this man killed himself as gesture, as a move for his legacy.

And I see this phrase--"this will be remembered in the history books"--whipped out in extremely horrific contexts. A child's dead body hanging off a wall, "oh, this will be in the history books." What does that even mean? Was her death worth the historical context? Was it necessary to embellish the horror of it all?

Would the people reading these hypothetical history books not get the wrongness of the genocide without the death of a little girl that you're using as... window dressing?

It just seems so weirdly self satisfied. Like you're eager to note you just witnessed a real moment that people will remember decades from now. When... a lot of people won't which is what is so tragic. A lot of people don't even know it's happening right now.

Because, again, it's not being reported. And when it is being reported it's not being reported honestly.

I'm not saying this well but it just feels like such a gross reaction to things we're seeing in real time.

Why does it have to matter later to matter now? Why is the hypothetical reaction of a history book reader the thing you think about?

A lot of people won't live to read those "history books" because people, right now, aren't doing anything to help them.

#idk it feels like people want to pat themselves on the back #for witnessing an 'important' moment

[spaghettioverdose]

If you are usamerican and someone gets frustrated that usamericans have no clue about most of the major atrocities their country committed, and you feel attacked, you can at any point just google it and shut up.

Yeah ok, someone brought to your attention that you should've known this shit and you didn't. You're probably a bit upset, a bit ashamed, a bit guilty, you probably feel a bit attacked. That's fine. You can just think "Oh I probably should've made an effort to know about things like this if I am to consider myself progressive or leftist. I could simply google it or I could ask OP to give some recommended reading on the subject. I am going to educate myself and move on." or you can at least simply recognise that at the end of the day you don't really care and move on. You do not have to go "you don't understand how bad the us education system is, they don't teach you how to wipe your ass in school!! also I'm literally neurodivergent which means I am incapable of taking my eyes off of fandom for the 5 whole minutes it would take for me to at least read one article about this."

Why do you feel the need to endlessly be the victim? Why do you have to act like a clown? If you didn't know, you can just recognise that you probably should've known, take the L, educate yourself and move on.

Do you think there's many countries that mention their atrocities in their history lessons? Do you think many countries talk about US history and atrocities other than the ones that experience said atrocities? And yet people still fucking know.

This information hasn't even been suppressed in decades but it apparently doesn't need to be since most of the US population isn't bothered enough to look it up, and when someone is frustrated with you about that fact, you'd rather double down and throw a tantrum than educate yourselves.

You cannot tell me you want anything progressive or left or even socialist and yet you vocally refuse to do the barest fucking minimum of effort to know anything about the fucking country you live in or the role it has geopolitically.