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purpletrashcans · 3 days

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I am so fucking annoyed and here is why

I recently made the discovery that i'm probably aromantic and i would like to do what i did when i discoverd that i'm trans which is go and watch/read everything that even has the tiniest bit of trans representation in it, but i can't because there is no aromantic representation

now obviously that's nothing new, i was aware of this problem before and it pissed me right off then as much as it does now

it’s honestly just such bullshit that whenever there is an asexual character in media, basically the first thing they say after coming out as ace is that "they still want to fall in love" like not wanting, not being able to feel romantic love, would make them less human or something like that and of course there are ace people who are not aro, i'm not saying that and i'm not trying to shit on anybodys identity, if you are ace and not aro you are just as valid as anybody else and this lack of aro rep is obviously not your fault, we also need more ace rep while we're on it, that's not the point i'm trying to make, what i mean is that media always tells us that romance makes us human and if you don’t experience that you are either immature, unstable or not human and that's just bullshit

also it is no wonder that when i told my grandma about Loveless by Alice Oseman and how much i love this book, she was worried that i was like Georgia because i never like anyone romantically, she has never heard of aromanticism before, when she thinks of adult people that have never been in a relationship and don't have children she thinks of lonely, sad people and she doesn't want that for me

it is no wonder that when i see my greataunt and -uncle once a year they ask if i have a partner and when i say that no, i don't have a partner, they tell me that i have time and i'll meet someone eventually

and it is no wonder that so, so many people think that they're broken, that they enter relationships and situations that they don't want to be in, that fucking therapist try to cure people, that it took me 21 years, almost losing my friends, actually losing 8 kg in two months do to disordered eating and reading Loveless two times to figure out that i might just be aro, when there is barely any representation whatsoever, when most people haven't even heard of aromanticism

we need more representation and we need it desperately, that way not only will aro people discover their identity sooner and safe themselves a whole lot of trouble, but allo people can also learn how to react to someone being aro and we can all learn that being aro isn't sad or inhumane or weird or lonely

and because i'm a fancy-schmancy college student (who wrote "collage" instead of "college" first because i can not spell)(and have watched too much criminal minds) i would like to end this with a quote by Mariah Wright Edelman (tho the quotes are the worst part of criminal minds, they are so cringe istg):

“You can’t be what you can’t see”

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zairuko · 2 years

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i am once again asking the sex repulsed asexuals and the romance repulsed aromantics to stop accidentally stereotyping your community and making people feel like they don’t belong on the spectrum bc you don’t understand something specifically please and thank you

-an aroace (please don’t follow me for this if you want more aroace shit i am a simp who reblogs nothing but jason todd and art i find cool💀)

#asexual #aroace #asexuality #aromantic #like i’m begging y’all please stop #like those ‘love?? ew??’ love is not just romantic it can be platonic or family love #literally saw a post that was like ‘i don’t understand how people understand x readers??’ n tagged it ace things #babe bro please just bc it’s you as a person does not mean it’s all asexuals #and i understand there are some things that we as a whole don’t experience but all always forget the ‘little’ in the actual definition #i’m tiredddd #also not all aromantics hate love songs!! they chart for a reason they’re good god dammit!!#also that whole obliviousness ab songs that were ab sex like no one knew at the time babe people are still finding out ab cake by the ocean #it’s bc we were young not bc we were ace you can be ace and have the dirtiest mind imaginable

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sunny-rants · 1 year

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Queerness is not just about sex and romance. Since the concept of queer has been around, so have asexual and aromantic people. Lavender marriages, voluntary spinsters, vows of chastity used to cover a disinterest in sex. “Monosexuals”, “anesthesia sexual”, “anaphrodites”, category "X". Queer-platonic relationships, asexuality and aromanticism are an undeniable part of lgbtq+ history. Before there were any terms, any flags or acronyms, choosing to not conform to society’s romantic and sexual guidelines has been the very essence of queerness. The inherent queer experience of feeling alienated because you don’t love the “right” way or feel the right feelings for the right people, of trying to meet the expectations set for you while trying to build a life that doesn’t feel like a lie. These are all part of the aspec experience. We aren’t “invading” a space we don’t belong because it’s a trend, or an internet identity. We’re not “spicy straight”. We’re making ourselves known in a community we have always been a part of.

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genderkoolaid · 2 months

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yeah, but you do mean 'loveless' like 'romanceless' right? Just cause you're not interested in a romantic partnership, and you're never attracted to anyone romantically, that doesn't mean you can't love your family and your friends. Am I understanding wrong? I feel like it's a widely accepted concept that 'love' isn't just romantic, it's about caring about someone, no matter if they're your family or platonic friend or your pet.

No, "loveless" means love-less. Another anon also asked me to explain as well so:

"Lovelessness" in the aro context comes from the essay I Am Not Voldemort by K.A Cook. The essay confronts normative ideas on love, its inherent positivity and what it means to not love. From the introduction, which brings up the question of non-romantic love:

This June, I saw an increasing number of positivity and support posts for the aromantic and a-spec communities discussing the amatonormativity of “everyone falls in love”. I agree: the idea that romantic love is something everyone experiences, and is therefore a marker of human worth, needs deconstruction. Unfortunately, a majority of these posts are replacing the shackles of amatonormativity with restrictive lines like “everyone loves, just not always romantically”, referencing the importance of loving friends, QPPs, family members and pets. Sometimes it moves away from people to encompass love for hobbies, experiences, occupations and ourselves. The what and how tends to vary from post to post, but the idea that we do and must love someone or something, and this love redeems us as human and renders us undeserving of hatred, is being pushed to the point where I don’t feel safe or welcome in my own aromantic community. Even in the posts meant to be challenging the more obvious amatonormativity, it is presumed that aros must, in some way, love. I’ve spent weeks watching my a-spec and aro communities throw neurodiverse and survivor aros under the bus in order to do what the aromantic community oft accuses alloromantic aces of doing: using their ability to love as a defence of their humanity. Because I love, they say, I also don’t deserve to be a target of hatred, aggression and abuse. But what if I don’t love? What if love itself has been the mechanism of the hatred and violence I have endured? Why am I, an aro, neurodiverse survivor of abuse and bullying, still acceptable collateral damage?

The author criticizes the idea of "true love" that is incapable of harm. Ze questions why we construct love in that way, and how it ignores and simplifies the experiences of victims of abuse ("It’s comforting to think that a love that wounds isn’t real love, but it denies the complexity of experience and feeling had by survivors. It denies the complexity of experience and feeling that makes it harder for us to identify abuse and escape its claws. It denies the validity of survivors who look at love and feel an honest doubt about its worth, as a word or a concept, in our own interactions and experiences.") Ze talks about being forced to say "I love you" to transphobic, abusive parents whose feelings of love was the justification for their abuse.

The core of what "loveless" as an concept is about is summed up in this quote:

There is no substantial difference between saying “I’m human because I fall in love”, “I’m human because I love my friends” and “I’m human because I love calligraphy”. All three statements make human worth contingent on certain behaviours, feelings and experiences. Expanding the definition of what kinds of love make us human does nothing but save some aros from abuse and antagonism … while telling survivor and neurodiverse aros, who are more likely to have complex relationships to love as a concept or are unable to perform it in ways recognised by others, that we’re still not worthy.

Lovelessness is against any kind of statement which quantifies humanity (and implicitly, human worth) in the ability to feel or act or experience certain things. Humans are human by virtue of being human, and nothing else. And, it is socially constructed! "Love" has no natural definition! Some people are not comfortable using "love" to describe positive feelings and relationships, and some people do not feel those positive feelings in general. And those people deserve the right to define their own experiences and their own relationship to the social construct of love.

In essence, lovelessness is both a personal as well as (in my opinion) a political identity, born from aro and mad experiences that challenges not just amatonormativity but all ideas that associate personhood and worth with the ability to feel certain things.

& as a note, there is also the term "lovequeer" which describes using the term "love" in ways which contradict mainstream understandings of what it means to love, and which kinds of love are considered worthwhile.

#m.#ask box #loveless aro

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aspensews · 1 month

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I just wanted to talk somewhere about how much the relationships in Trigun and specifically Vashwood mean to me as an aromantic person.

I want to start out by saying that I have seen that for some aromantic people the term « queer platonic relationship » still doesn’t perfectly define what our close relationships are like, and I also feel this way, but I will be using that term in this for now since it’s the closest we have for the moment.

I say this because to me the relationship between Vash, Wolfwood, Meryl and Millie feels like what I would want in a qpr. They all obviously love and care about each other deeply in a way that can be interpreted as more than friends but isn’t exactly romantic either. And I love that Nightow never explicitly confirms any of the possible romantic relationships in the story to be such, because that means it is totally possible that these characters love each other this deeply without any romantic attraction.

Vashwood specifically is so incredibly important to me in this way. I was discovering I was aromantic at the exact same time as I was reading Trigun Maximum, and Vash and Wolfwood’s relationship honestly helped me realize I was aro because I realized it was possible to love in the same way as these two do without it being romantic. Nightow wrote them in such a way that the reader can choose to interpret whether they are platonic or romantic but that either way they love each other deeply, to the point that I have seen many describe them as soulmates. I personally describe their relationship as something deeper than friends but not necessarily romantic.

Reading about their relationship reminded me of exactly how I experience love for the people in my life and helped me a lot in not feeling sad when I finally realized I don’t experience romantic attraction. Because I already experience a lot of love that falls into this category and I don’t need romance to be happy.

On the more headcanon side, since the relationship is open to interpretation, I have kind of taken to imagining Vashwood/just the whole team as my ideal qpr where they are all platonic but sometimes have sex about it. I don’t often feel like the shipping communities in fandom are friendly enough for me to talk about a headcanon like this, but with Trigun I have found so many of the shippers to be so friendly and accepting of specifically the multishipping and the trans headcanons for the characters that I hope that maybe my qpr headcanon would be accepted as well.

So if you’ve made it to the end of this post, thanks for reading and if you’re queer haven’t watched and read Trigun I highly suggest it. It has such amazing writing, themes and a canon trans woman! (Elendira ❤️)

#this has just been on my mind for a while #trigun stampede #trigun #trigun maximum #vash the stampede #vashwood #alloaro #aromantic but not asexual #aromantic #polygun #nicholas d wolfwood #meryl stryfe #millie thompson #aspec

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thrashkink-coven · 1 month

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I think this is something a lot of Luciferians lowkey struggle with and isn’t talked about enough.

So we all know Lucifer is sexy, right? Like he’s gorgeous and exudes pure sensual energy.

This is just a friendly reminder that you’re not doing anything wrong if you feel a slight attraction towards him when he’s around. Having borderline erotic or sexual thoughts about Lucifer isn’t offensive to him, he understands where it comes from and he gets it. He knows your intentions, even if you can’t control those thoughts or feelings. He isn’t going to get mad at you for succumbing to that energy, you are human after all. Sexually charged dreams involving him are very common after becoming initiated or patroned. I literally just had one last night lol.

I know that can be a bit scary to new devotees, minors, or people with any kind of sexual trauma. Just remember that it’s totally normal. You’re not gross and you’re not doing anything wrong. He’s definitely not going to get mad at you for it. Lucifer is a God of sex, free love and eroticism. He is a sexy mf. He’s a great aid to anyone dealing with any conflicts around their sexuality or gender, and he understands the conflicts that may come with having sexual urges while being asexual or aromantic. Arousal doesn’t automatically = a real desire to have a sexual or romantic relationship or experience, and Lucifer knows this well.

If you’ve found yourself lusting after him in any way, please just don’t harbour any guilt or shame towards yourself for it. He understands.

Sexualizing deities in a disrespectful or fetishizing way is definitely not okay, but you don’t have to beat yourself up if that isn’t your intention. We’re weird creatures, sometimes we feel things beyond our control and that’s okay.

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voidpunk-aro · 1 year

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it sucks that aromanticism is still so invisible to the larger population because learning about the aromantic spectrum could benefit so many people!! like whenever i watch reality tv shows about love or dating, i’m struck by the number of people who feel guilty or like something’s broken inside them because they tend to fall out of love once they get into a relationship or form an emotional bond with someone, and like!! that’s not a moral failing or a sign that something’s wrong with you!! it’s just the way attraction works for some people. there are folks who feel like they’re selfish because they're never as in love with their partners as their partners are with them, and i just wanna hug them and tell them it’s okay.

during the aro “discourse” one of the most common arguments i saw was about “fuck boys” calling themselves aro to “sneak” their way into the queer community, but i feel like you can only come to that conclusion if you don’t see men as real people, because watching men struggle with the feeling that they aren’t enough because of their lack of romantic attraction?? it sucks. especially when everyone’s constantly telling them it means they’re irredeemable, toxic misogynists for something they can’t control. it makes me so upset because like, if someone’s been hurt by “fuck boys” then they should be in favor of opening these kinds of conversations!! because we’re never going to arrive at a place where people can be upfront about their intentions if we don’t have the vocabulary to talk about our unique experiences with attraction

i just feel like the aromantic community has so much to offer, and i wish i had found it sooner because i spent so much time thinking there was something wrong with me before discovering it. seeing how many other people could benefit from learning about the aro spectrum (even if the identities themselves aren’t for them) makes me wanna broadcast the complexities of attraction from the rooftops of the world

#aromanticism #aromantic #aro #aromantic spectrum #aro spec

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laughterliberator · 3 months

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Tickle Thoughts Day #1

Had this series going on my last blog, so I figured I’d start it here. This could be a controversial topic, but here goes.

(TW: discussion of the fetish/kinky side of tickling. Not NSFW, but wanted to warn any hard SFW readers just in case)

So…. I have a tickle fetish. Does that mean I have to engage in hookup culture?

I’ve discovered a different side of the tickle community in the last few weeks. I’ve always been on the kink-heavy half, the side where people are very obvious about their sexual enjoyment of our little hobby. And yes, I’m one of them: I do get turned on by tickling. Always have, always will.

Since I got started in the community, I’ve been led to believe that’s all the tickling community could be: a horny group of “friends” that also frequently try to satisfy one another sexually. Being raised the way I was, I had to suppress a lot of discomfort about this lifestyle. I did it well, too: I found enjoyment, satisfaction, and even a certain level of community. I even saw a few strong romantic relationships in my friend group.

But I never found true, unconditional relationships. Everyone was trying to get a piece of me, or me a piece of them, and it led to fights, high emotions, and hurt feelings often. I frequently left servers, sites, and people when I got burnt out from the pressure. That’s where the end of 2023 found me.

Fastforward to 2024

I rejoin Tumblr after a hiatus, and accidentally stumble upon the other side: people who love tickling as innocent, unburdened fun. Not describing it as a “fetish,” but still using the same terminologies of Lee, Ler, etc. Less-to-no bondage, sensory play or stimulation (though that varies from person to person).

Suddenly I’m having genuine conversations that aren’t motivated to move right into tickling, though it’s certainly involved. Suddenly I feel slightly less used, slightly less like a commodity. Suddenly, I understand the idea of having truly trusting interpersonal relationships that weren’t trying to constantly get in my tickle pants.

The problem? The fetish-ness of tickling is still ingrained in my identity. It’s not wrong to exclude, but the complete extrication of that aspect of my tickle talk gave me culture shock. I’m riding a fence here: loving the genuineness that comes from pursuing the innocence of tickling, but not wanting to deny that with a committed partner, I hope to engage in this as a fetish.

So, which side is right? Who’s in the wrong?

Neither. Not really. The problem isn’t whether you view tickling as a turn-on or spotless fun, the real issue (in my opinion) is hookup culture. It saps the genuineness from people, it adds manipulation and end goals, and it reduces your tickle status to “tickle skill,” “experience,” and “session #”.

(Side note: from here on out, I’m done asking people “How many sessions have you had?” For me, there are too many similarities between that and “body count.”)

The tickling community isn’t entirely broken; only some parts. Hookups aren’t the issue, hookup culture is. The idea that you need “experience” rather than connection, “clout” instead of character, and “play partners” with no commitment. It’s seeped into our tickle community, and it’s time we root it out.

In conclusion: I know there are other people on this fence with me. Let’s build some houses up here.

(DISCLAIMER: It’s not my intention to disparage any polyamorous dynamics, aromantic individuals, people who don’t enjoy sex, or anyone who seeks out romantic connection by means of tickle sessions. This criticism is merely of the non-committal expectations imbued into our tickle culture today. Let’s please have understanding and reasonable discussions in the comments.)

#tickle thoughts #tword community #tickle ideas #tickle session

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writing-for-life · 18 days

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Hi love, how are you?

Would you like to talk a little about what Morpheus finds attractive, sexy in a woman?

opinions, theories, anything aaaaaa

Hi friend, always so lovely to see you in my inbox! And everyone else: Send me asks, too, I love them!

Oh, an ask about Dream’s sexual/romantic proclivities and his “type”—the excitement!

You could of course read my fic, then you’ll know what he wants/needs 😜

In all honesty though: I’m not in his head, so who can tell? I guess we can only go by certain hints we get in the comics and draw our own conclusions. So here come a few thoughts:

I think he has a thing for dreamers? Sounds obvious I guess, but many of the women we know he got involved with were women with strong connections to the Dreaming (Killalla, Nada, Calliope, even Thessaly), for a multitude of reasons. And having that connection is, by extension, a connection to him. If we’re getting conceptual about it: They are actually, in a way, pursuing him first (and in the case of Nada and even Killalla and Thessaly, we are basically told so in a way). Which then leads to his courting them, because they are interested in him. And I think that’s something very integral to his being: He is extremely, devastatingly lonely. He craves not being lonely. So the very fact that someone would even contemplate being interested in him, giving him their time of day (or night), would probably already mean a lot to him.

I think we can also see a pattern for women who are fairly strong-willed and speak their mind. Whether he always likes that is a different question, but Titania, Alianora, Nada, Calliope, Thessaly are all prone to talk back and not take shit.

I’ll leave the whole Desire-involvement out of the equation because that skews things. He tries to avoid D/desire because of the sibling-conflict yet definitely feels it. So I neither subscribe to the theory that he’s asexual nor aromantic (some corners of the fandom think he is, fair enough). Especially not aromantic. That’s a contradiction in terms. He’s Dream. Dreaming is idealised and unreal. In love, that’s the very definition of romance—having pink goggles on and aspiring to something that’s not grounded in reality (one of the reasons his relationships ultimately all fail).

So I think he’s prone to romantic gestures (we know that from especially Calliope) and would probably also appreciate them from his lover? That also means: If you want to keep it going, there’d probably always need to be something that keeps him interested. Questioning even (but not in the way like with Thessaly, because she completely removed herself). By definition of his being the unreal, reality setting in is the very thing that makes it all come crashing down. Push/pull, back and forth is probably something he secretly likes? It wouldn’t surprise me if he enjoys a certain amount of drama—again, not the type that makes it all come crashing down, but just enough to keep him on his toes and wondering. Just enough to keep the illusion of impermanence and striving for the impossible going, but not so much that it really turns into an issue. And that’s exactly the problem, because that sounds like a fairly tricky line to walk if you ask me. And exhausting 🤣

Now to the more speculative side:

I think he desperately needs someone who removes the proverbial stick from his arse. He needs to learn to laugh again (if he ever did so in the first place). With others and at himself. I spent a lot of time in my fic to build on that. Ultimately, I think he needs to feel safe enough to let his guard down completely with someone, and I honestly don’t think he ever experienced that with any of his lovers. And for that, he needs to be able to trust. Could be via shared experience of sorts, but I think most of all, he needs someone who truly listens and doesn’t try to change him. Because he is D/dream. Being perpetually strange and prone to be misunderstood is the essence of his being, and he needs someone who is comfortable enough with that fact. So weirdly enough, I think he would change if people stopped trying to make him change, if that makes any sense? He needs acceptance, not blunt or subtle force. I guess you can give dreams the space to change and grow, or you can try to control them—and the latter just doesn’t work. We also see that with him—his rigid sense of control is ultimately his downfall, not what truly helps him. And I think that extends to everything he is, including his relationships.

As for what he likes in terms of bedroom shenanigans (and the purely speculative, but obviously what Tumblr seems to be most interested in 🤣): In my mind, he’s the ultimate switch, if you will. He’ll get a kick out of everything that turns you on, because he is D/dream, and I think it is his very essence to also be that for sex dreams (we don’t need to talk about Calliope’s inappropriate speech at the Wake in this context 🙈).

BUT, and I think that’s an important one: Maybe, just maybe, he needs something that is just for him? Giving in to his own desires (there’s that messed up sibling relationship again). Giving himself permission to do that by being given permission. Be very afraid of my sequel… 🤣 No, that sounds all wrong because my sequel is really not about that alone and will be reliably sad and heavy in parts, like the first one, but I wouldn’t be a romance writer if I didn’t explore relationship dynamics through sex. Because sex is never just about sex 😉

@morpheusbaby3 ask answered

#the sandman #sandman #dream of the endless #morpheus #sandman meta #sandman character analysis #sandman analysis #asks always open #asks answered

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aromantic-nerd · 2 years

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I’m gonna make something REAL CLEAR.

As an aro, I often preach that we need to be working together, (as the aspec community and as a society in general,) to dismantle the norms that say every person wants/needs a partner, that everyone needs to get married, and that those things are requirements for happiness. I don’t think that’s too much to ask, especially because these norms harm many different groups of people, not only aspecs.

What I’m really tired of, is allos automatically assuming that because I preach these things, that I hate marriage, romance and love, that I have a vendetta towards people who engage in those things, and that I want to make alloromantic people feel guilty for being alloromantic.

It’s another classic case of “it’s not about you, it’s about the systemic norms we all live with and experience in day-to-day life.”

I hold no hate or dislike towards anyone who is in a romantic relationship, married, or engaging in other romantic activities with a partner or partners. Really. I have two parents and many family members and friends that are happily married and in love.

That being said, I don’t want to engage in romance and I am not alloromantic, so these norms impact me in a profound way that’s sometimes hard to describe. I want to dismantle the norms because it will make my life and many other’s lives a lot easier. This does not mean, however, that I support the absolute collapse of the components of these norms.

If some people’s thoughts didn’t always jump straight to “this person’s views and opinions are attacking me and my lifestyle,” when engaging in conversations about amatonormativity and the norms that come with it, then they would recognize that most aromantic people actually support romance-favourability.

Know the difference between dismantling the systemic romantic norms and abolishing the entire system of romantic components and ideas which encompass said norms.

The former is an effective way to make many groups of people feel more comfortable and less alienated, and the latter is just as ineffective and discriminatory as pushing for romantic norms to be continued they are now. As aros, most of us just want to feel like we belong in a society that constantly reminds us that we don’t. It is not our goal to make allos feel guilty, or to radically change society’s ideals to fit an inherently romance-negative narrative.

We just want to dismantle amatonormativity in society, by changing the mindset and narrative to a way of thinking that does not discriminate between alloromantic and aromantic people. That’s all.

#aromantic #aromantic problems #aromantic culture #aromantic community #aromantic issues #fuck amatonormativity #dismantle amatonormativity #amatonormativity #alloromantics can be so defensive #i didn’t want to format this into an Instagram post to here we are #aro thoughts #aromantic thoughts #know the difference #cause it exists :)#allos pls stop making assumptions #Elle’s screaming rants #reblog reblog reblog

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aromantic-diaries · 2 months

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So how do you like… know?

Bc like is there a difference between romance and friendship really? Either I like being around someone or I don’t? So how do you tell if you experience the thing or not?

I honestly don't know if there is a genuine difference between romance and friendship but the most obvious sign of me being aromantic was that when I was actually in a romantic relationship it was pretty uncomfortable for me and felt like I had to convince myself that I had those feelings for my partner when I really didn't. This is probably not the best way to figure it out but certainly an efficient one, I don't know if it's worth getting into a relationship just to test yourself but if you wander into it and realise you don't like it once you're there it might just work.

For the sake of sparing the other person's feelings I don't recommend following my "method", I did it unintentionally while thinking I actually liked that person romantically even though I was uncomfortable the moment we made it official and I still feel like kind of an idiot for staying as long as I did and faking my feelings. However if you feel confused about whether or not you like someone romantically but you feel like you have to nope out as soon as they make a move then that might be your sign that it's platonic. Also I'm pretty sure alloromantics know when they're in love. As far as I know. Probably. Most likely. Yeah they probably know from what I can tell, apparently they can distinguish it pretty well

Hope this helps!

#anon #mail time

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mandrathekandra · 1 year

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I'm not saying you're wrong, but could you give me an explanation of why you think Kaladin is aro?

Hi! Of course I will be happy to answer. I’m very tired so you are getting a long run on sentence unfortunately lol

In summary he spends words of radiance generally being part of a love triangle he is only barely aware of, realizes he confused his platonic affection for shallan for romance (which can be common in the aro community, how do you really define romantic attraction? Especially when you don’t experience it yourself?), idk how common it is for allos to confuse romantic attraction with being reminded of your kid brother and wanting to be friends like seriously, he repeatedly forgets that the bridgemembers might get married or have relationships, he seems to think about romance very little compared to other characters, he was notably proud of remembering that uh drehy? was gay and that the other one was dating the bartender woman? Which highlighted how little he thought about it, the few times he mentions it it’s almost like he views romance as a nebulous inevitability rather than a desire, many other fantasy books have a tendency to shoehorn in romance even when it’s immensely impractical so I just appreciated that not being his focus, and I like the idea of having a major POV epic fantasy character be aromantic which we don’t see a lot. I want aromantic rep and he’s a genuinely cool character I like and it would be nice to have a popular aro character.

AND! He was also entirely oblivious to the rhythm of war phenomenon where light eyed women were going to his clinic just to flirt which is a huge aro mood, I cannot and will not register if someone is into me I do not think about it at all.

To me as an aro person I think he feels aro and I simply decided it’s more fun for me that way!

I think I specifically head canon him as aromantic grey ace

Sorry if this is a mess to read/breaches any tumblr ask etiquette idk I’m very tired and haven’t gotten real social on here so I’m just rambling at ya :) cheers

#stormgate1?#ask #kaladin stormblessed #stormlight archive #cosmere #brandon sanderson

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mirokata · 2 months

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I love the proud aromantic spirit going around this aromantic spectrum awareness week, but we don’t need love to loose for our happiness yknow

just like how aroallos don’t need love to win for us for their happiness (even if they might complain about it eg. “why don’t you have a partner yet”)

we don’t gotta keep saying “love loses” as if every single aromantic person out there doesn’t love love. some don’t, that’s true and valid. let me remind you of the main definition of the word: “a person who experiences little to no romantic attraction”

“little to no romantic attraction.”

it isn’t even about love in the first place, it’s about romantic attraction. there are many other forms of love out there whether we experience it or not, and some can be beautiful. so in my humble opinion, we don’t need to say “love loses” to feel confident and happy with my aromantic identity.

#and what about the aros who really are experiencing romantic love for the first time? now it’s uncomfy scrolling through feeds of romance #but also aromantic feeds because all it will say is love loses #as a joke it’s fineee but some seem to ingrain it in their souls #ngl I joke about it too anyway HAHA #OH AND AS SOMEONE SAID: IT’S THE AROMANTIC *SPECTRUM* for a reason ay (thank you)#I’d rather talk about us aromantics winning than emphasising on others’ love losing #aromantic positivity #aromantic community #aromantic awareness week #aromantic experiences #aromantic #aro #arospec #aspec #queer #mirokata posts

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seeingteacupsindragons · 6 months

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This may sound really dumb of me, but can you explain asexuality/aromance (?) to me?

I know it exists and I believe it’s totally valid, but a part of me always feels like I can’t really be inclusive or use inclusive language when I don’t understand it, because I’m afraid that not understanding it might lead to miscommunication and me accidentally offending someone

And the last time I asked someone in person they got mad at me „because I should know, I’m part of the queer community“ but all I ever heard is that it’s a spectrum? Which I don’t really understand

The way you communicate makes you seem like such a nice person, so I thought this would be a good place to ask 🫣😅

I think this is the first time I've been told I see like a nice person, but this is a lovely way to round out ace week when I haven't managed much, so let's do this.

Anyway, the jerk who said you should just. Know things. Is rude. You have to learn things at some point. It is true that some things you can find ways of learning yourself, or that you should have perquisites or are expected to know things before x, y, or z, but that's also just not helpful, so.

So let's start with definitions: Aromanticism and Asexuality don't mean the same thing, but they're related concepts.

Asexuality: The trait of experiencing sexual attraction never, rarely, or only under certain circumstances.

Aromanticism: The trait of experiencing romantic attraction never, rarely, or only under certain circumstances.

Those last two are how it's a "spectrum": there's more than one possibly manifestation or asexuality or aromanticism, and those spectrum identities are often called "gray aromantic" "gray romantic" "gray sexual" gray asexual", etc.

However, those identities generally have more in common with people who never experience sexual attraction that people who don't fit into this spectrum, so they're included. If someone only experiences sexual attraction when certain criteria are met, that means the rest of the time they don't, and they may have only recently or rarely even experienced attraction and started to understand that experience. Etc.

The next part of where people tend to get tripped up is that they thing of attraction as "wanting" something, but that's really not what it is. It's more of a compass that indicates what direction where you want to go is.

We're going to reuse the very common donut metaphor here. I'm not a big fan of it, but it's helpful for this.

People think of wanting a donut as "Oh, I want this donut, let's go get one," because that's how most people end up with a donut (or a relationship). But there are also people who are offered a donut, aren't real sure they want one, and they look at it and go, "Actually, yeah, that donut looks good." And that would be specific circumstances met! A-spectrum!

Or, they're offered a trip for donuts and go, "Actually, yeah, I could really go for a Boston Creme." That's someone who maybe doesn't usually think about donuts, but now that they're considering donuts, they're experiencing a desire for a specific donut. A-spectrum!

Or, they're just like, "You know, a donut sounds good right now," but has no specific opinion on creme filled or jelly filled or glazed or iced or whatever the hell. They're just like, "Donut. Please a donut." That's someone who who wants a relationship, but doesn't feel attraction. But that doesn't make their desire for a donut, or their happiness having the darn donut, any less real. A-spectrum!

So, it's perfectly possible to want sex or romance and not be attracted to someone. The wanting is not the same as the specifics, and attraction is in the specifics.

However. It's also true the wanting and the specifics do go hand-in-hand, and for many a-spec people, they have no desire for sex or romance (or little). And the way society is currently structured is very hostile and dismissive of that. Hell, when I got this ask I was at a family event, and we were talking about my new apartment and the red color my living room is, and my grandmother made a comment about me maybe meeting a fireman.

Now, my parents and my siblings and I all sort of recoiled, because we know better. I don't want a fireman. I don't want an anybody. But that doesn't mean my relationships are less meaningful than sexual or romantic ones. I feel love and care for people in my life intensely, and they're precious people to me. I don't like the way society pushes those important parts of my life aside, and I don't like them being talked about in a way that sounds like they matter less, or they're less valuable, or they should be de-prioritized in favor of sex or romance.

And, sometimes, i just want to go through life for a while not thinking about either of those things, because they're not part of my own personal life at all, but my life is still full and rich and interesting.

Now, this was a quick 101/102 level introduction to the topics. There's much more to discuss around libido and romantic libido and zucchinis and qprs and different forms of attraction and squishes and on and on and on.

But I don't think that's what you want right now when you're first stepping into understanding the topics.

So I hope this helped you understand the ace and aro spectrums better.

Cheers!

#aromantic #asexual #actually asexual #asexy #asexuality #aromanticism #ace #aro #actually aromantic #aro tag #ace tag #queer #Ace Week 2023 #Ace Week

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st-ivangeline · 8 months

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as someone who was partnering for most of my life until recently it really sucks that there’s no representation for partnering aros , and i think a major part of that is because alloros push so heavily “it doesn’t have to be romantic love” and “aros can date too/we can ship aros too” as a way to try and make us seem more human to them that we as a community have pushed partnering aromantic experiences away as an attempt to combat those statements

from the time i was little i wanted deeply to get married/have a life long partner i spent most of my adolescent and teenage years desperately searching for someone to like and be with, my last relationship was only 2 years ago (i’m 24)

and honestly one of the main reasons i’m nonpartnering rn is because i’ve been doing some serious healing and growth that i don’t think i can do in a partnership, i think could see myself one day being interested in partnership again

i still think of what theme my wedding would be often even when i’m not trying

we cant let the fear of alloros dehumanizing us keep us from acknowledging partnering aros

at the end of the day the baseline definition of aromantic is experiencing little to no romantic attraction not whether or not you want to date

#aromantic #alloaro #aro #just aro #arospec #non sam aro #lovequeer aro #non partnering #partnering aro #partnering #qpr #queerplatonic

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multiplicity-positivity · 7 months

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Here’s some positivity for loveless aro systems and headmates!

There are many aromantic folks out there who not only don’t experience romantic attraction, but also any form of love. For systems who are loveless aros, they may find themselves lonely, excluded, or isolated from their communities as a result of how they identify. However, loveless aros deserve to be uplifted, respected, and treated with kindness in our communities! So here’s to all the loveless aro systems and headmates out there!

If you, your headmate, or your whole system doesn’t experience or understand love of any sort, we want to remind you that you are still worthy of decency and kindness just the way you are!

Have you struggled with making friends because you simply can’t grow to love them? Do you have difficulties seeing eye to eye with your family because you can’t seem to love them the way they love you? Do you have trouble fitting into a society that centers and glorifies romance over many other things, and takes for granted that all people experience love?

If so, we are so sorry you’ve had to deal with this. Rest assured you don’t need to love your friends or family to cherish and appreciate them. You don’t need to love the people in your life in order to treat them with respect and kindness, and ask that they do the same in return! Love is not a prerequisite to being treated like a being worthy of care and compassion.

You don’t even need to love your headmates in order to grow stronger together, uplift each other, and learn to work together as a team! It’s okay if you don’t feel love towards the other members of your system. What matters more than our feelings are our actions, and this is even and especially true for you and your headmates! You absolutely can take care of each other and wish the best for each other, even if no one in your system ever feels love in any form or fashion!

We hope that as life goes on, you can learn to accept yourself as you are and stand proud in your identity as a loveless aro. We hope that you can find yourself surrounded with people who care about you, who don’t expect love in return for kindness. You will always belong in the plural community as long as you want to be here! We value your perspective, and want to celebrate and uplift you however we can.

As always, thank you so much for reading! Take care of yourselves, and have a great day!

(Image ID:) A pale orange userbox with a cluster of multicolored flowers for the userbox image. The border and text are both dark orange, and the text reads “all plurals can interact with this post!” (End ID.)

#multiplicity #pluralgang #plurality #actuallyplural #system positivity #plural positivity #plural pride #system pride #aromanticism #loveless aro #aromantic

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