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#like why grandma
suiheisen · 3 months
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j… jesus oppa ;____;
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welegi · 1 year
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spacedace · 6 months
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Found this old snippet and don't really remember of the context for it outside of being a joking exploration of how weird the Fenton/Phantom family tree would seem to outsiders (not even getting into how relationships might be classified differently between the human side & the ghost side)
Anyway gonna drop it here as a prompt lol
Mind the quick reference to dismemberment, there's no gore or detailed description and no one is actually hurt, it's more there for comedic effect, but still wanted to give the heads up on it 👍
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Nomad motioned to the towering, vaguely vampire-looking buff dude with literal flaming hair what the fuck, “Dan, this is everyone. Everyone this is Dan. He’s my…” Nomad trailed off and blinked, a look of confused befuddlement on her face as she let the sentence hang for too long.
“Huh…” She said considering, looking up at vampire-dude, Dan apparently, with a confused furrow on her brow. “You know this is the first time I’ve ever had to try and explain our relationship to each other and I’m drawing a blank and what exactly to call you. Uncle? Dad? Brother? Like, I think you could technically be considered all three.”
What the fuck did that mean??? Kon snapped his attention over to meet Tim’s masked gaze, the look of wild confusion Kon was sure was on his own face mirrored there. Around the meeting room confused and worried looks were being shared by the rest of the League. Which like, yeah, what in the Habsburgs was happening here for all of those terms to be applicable?
“Well, you’re Danny’s Mirror, so if you consider him your dad then it stands to reason I’m also your father.” Dan said, hand coming up to his - literally flaming, how did that work? - goatee thoughtfully.
“Yeah but like, I call Danny dad just to piss Vlad off.” Nomad countered, toying with her severed arm with her still attached hand. Kon didn’t think he’d ever get over how casual she was about being literally disarmed and just…not caring. “And I definitely don’t see you as a dad. Uncle?”
The giant of a ghost shook his head with a frown, “Implies that Danny and I are brothers, which could work but gives our relationship kind of a weird vibe. I feel more like his father than anything.”
“Gramps, then?”
“No.”
Nomad laughed, “Fair, wouldn’t want to take the title of Grampa away from CW. Besides we’re both half Vlad, so I think brother works best here.” She frowned, looking thoughtful, “Maybe half brother?”
Dan considered, “Half-brother could work. Though it gives Vlad more credit than he deserves.”
“Oh come on, can you imagine the look on his face if we went in together on suing him for child support?” Nomad asked, fanged grin wicked. Dan’s face lit up at the idea, and Kon felt like they were rapidly heading towards the two ghosts running off to go and go torment whoever this Vlad guy was rather then them help deal with the current demonic problem at hand.
“Can you please explain what any of that means?” Kon asked, more a squeak than anything else. He was starting to get a headache.
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keitorinrose · 29 days
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My day be so fine and then boom i think about branch's past
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fandomsandfeminism · 5 days
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😮‍💨 Went out to socialize with some coworkers yesterday. I mention that I'm bi, and then just a minute later that I have a husband.
Coworker (who is a lesbian, for the record, so what follows isnt straight ignorance) that I really do not know: oh, wait, you're married?
Me: ha, yes.
Them: And you're bi?
Me: ...yes?
Them: wow, so like, an open relationship?
Me: ....?????? No?
Them: really?.....so, you're married. In a monogamous relationship? And...you're still bi?
Me: ...................yes? I...still think women are attractive? Like my husband still thinks women are attractive? Getting married didn't change that.
Them: oh, wow, how interesting.
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siriuslydumb · 2 months
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jon just gives the energy of someone who can cook amazingly but because he doesn’t eat everyone thinks he can’t cook, and so when they’re in the safe house he cooks for martin and he’s just blown away
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imjustmarcy · 4 months
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Thought back to how everyone went off with the parallels between Lucy and Katniss bowing and. Guys. GUYS. Yes there's some of Lucy in Katniss (more so with her singing) but no, Peeta is the one who reminds Snow of Lucy.
They're the ones with the endless charm who convinced the Capitol to like them, the sweetheart that won over everyone with words and smiles and knew how to play the games before they went into the arena. They knew how to perform and did it flawlessly, and knew the games started as soon as they were picked as tributes.
Katniss is Sejanus. The one from the districts that infiltrated the Capitol somehow, who always wants to do the right thing even if it comes with major repercussions. They're reckless, and they care way too much about their own people to the point it gets used against them.
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megamindsupremacy · 1 year
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Okay this one might be niche but. Y’all know how sometimes your friend will have a family member they only refer to by their title? Like, “Pop” or “Auntie” No Name? And if you spend a lot of time with this friend then you end up also calling this family member Nona or whatever even though you’re not related?
I headcanon that Clark exclusively refers to his parents as Ma and Pa and literally never tells anyone their names. And Ma and Pa only ever introduce themselves as Ma and Pa. Then by the time someone thinks to ask what Clark’s Ma and Pa’s names are it’s been like half a year and it’s WAY too late to ask for something like that. Like they respond to “Mrs./Mr. Kent”, sure, but also they have the entire league calling them Ma and Pa and they LOVE it. They’ve adopted the entire league via Clark and are delighted by this. It never registers for Clark that all of his coworkers call his parents Ma and Pa too because to him that’s just their names like of course that’s what people call them. Meanwhile every single leaguer with dead parents (most if not all) has a mini breakdown when they realize they’re calling these random midwesterners Ma and Pa. They’re not mad about it! Just confused as to how this happened without anyone noticing
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ryllen · 7 months
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pitter patter
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remembering one time when i was little, i ask whether the harvest moon protagonist is okay running around in the rain like that
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astrolionking · 5 months
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Shoutout to Grandma Rosiepuff for gambling while her eldest grandson’s mental health was slowly declining bc he suddenly had to raise four little brothers on his own and that affected his brothers’ mental health.
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jtl-fics · 10 months
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Fluent Freshman - Part 14
PREVIOUS
When Andrew came out of his bedroom to grab a second Allen wrench (he’s working on the frame of the dresser while Neil builds the drawers) he finds quite a few things to irritate him.
1st was the sound of his brother and his cousin arguing loudly. Andrew had been pretty clear that they needed to be quiet that morning but following Andrew’s clearly given guidelines was NEVER either of their strong suits.
2nd was the fact that there was a smell in the air that Andrew was unsure of. It wasn’t a bad smell. It didn’t smell like Nicky had left some component of the breakfast FF had bought to burn. Andrew sniffed the air again and…..lavender? It wasn’t really a smell that existed in the house of three college student boys.
3rd and most irritating was the fact that FF was not where Andrew had left him four hours ago on the couch. Again, Andrew had been pretty clear to both Nicky and Aaron that FF was to be left ALONE. FF hadn’t been able to go to sleep until Andrew had promised that nothing would happen to him while he slept.
He moves towards the kitchen table where Nicky and Aaron are eating some of the sour patch kids that FF had brought back as they argued, “He can’t be serious that Kate and I gross him out more than Andrew and Neil! I’ve seen how fast he walks away when they start getting gross.” He hears Aaron say.
“Aaron I have watched Smithy climb out a second story window because you and Katelyn started making out and he’d have to walk closer to you to go out the door.” Nicky returns. “I think you made him mad when you implied he was grossed out by Andrew and Neil. This is why I get spoon privileges and maybe, if Smithy is feeling forgiving, you can swipe your finger around the bowl.” he points at Aaron.
Andrew hangs back just out of sight.
He knows that FF does not like to be subjected to seeing PDA. A part of him feels…better at the confirmation that it really isn’t because him and Neil are both men. FF has seen them hold hands, kiss chastely, and lean on one another and been unbothered by that it was only when it started getting a little heated that  they’d realize that FF had left. FF never makes a scene about it, never scoffs in disgust or squeals in delight he just seems to see where it’s going and will leave if he doesn’t want to see it.
It’s nice.
“Well he’s probably mad at you for waking him up. Andrew said to leave him alone.” Aaron returns.
“He needs breakfast! He also has to take his ulcer meds at the same time so he had to wake up and eat something. He can go back to sleep after!” Nicky defends.
Andrew scowls. Ok. Nicky could live if that was the reason he woke FF up. Still, why the hell is FF in the kitchen and more importantly what bowl and spoon are Aaron and Nicky arguing over?
Andrew tunes his family’s argument out and heads to the kitchen to find FF putting a baking dish into their oven while incense burned on the counter (Andrew now realizes that was the thin box that had been in with the rest of the candy)
He sees the bowl and spoon that Nicky had mentioned and more importantly he can see the chocolate brownie batter on them. Andrew walks over to the bowl and picks it up. He wipes his finger along the inside and…
He closes his eyes for a moment to savor the flavor of the batter. He leans against the counter and his hand brushes against….a five hour energy bottle. Andrew knows he had thrown out the two he had found in FF’s bags before (Ulcer + exhaustion + FF = bad he didn’t need to be a math major like Neil to understand that math.)
Andrew shoves the bottle in his sweatshirt pocket as FF turns around and stares at him passively. FF’s eyebrow’s raise slightly but there’s no other reaction. Andrew considers that, perhaps, FF had wanted to lick the bowl.
He offers the spoon instead knowing it is the better prize but FF is the one who bought the ingredients and mixed together this amazing batter, so he gets first dibs.
“That wouldn’t be good for my stomach.” He declines and Andrew wonders if FF had taken his meds yet or, in his tired state, he’s forgotten to.
“When did you wake up?” Andrew asks.
“Hour ago.”
He should go back to sleep after he takes his meds but also knows that FF probably won’t go to sleep until the brownies are done.
“I’ll make the pie tomorrow.” FF says and Andrew blinks out of his thoughts.
Andrew decides to go get FF’s meds for him. He’ll make it clear to FF later that the guy doesn’t HAVE to keep making amazing desserts as a thanks for being invited to Columbia. If FF just so happens to WANT to keep making amazing desserts then Andrew isn’t going to be the person that stops him.
He shoves the spoon in his mouth and heads out to go find Smith’s bag and his meds.
Aaron and Nicky see him and both let out outraged noises as their quarry had been stolen.
Andrew ignores them and gets to the bag by the couch.
Who the fuck just has 14 bottles of five hour energy sitting in their bag??
***
When Andrew handed FF his ulcer meds he could admit to feeling grateful even if Andrew had obviously gone through his bag to grab it. He swallows it dry because Andrew is standing by the sink and he knows that until Andrew eats a brownie he is not in a position to ask for favors big or small.
(He learned his lesson from that one time with Captain Neil. If he wants to do anything related to Russian he has to be in the safety of his lofted bed under the cover of night and the cover of his…covers while he reads via flashlight. He will not be caught so flat footed again! These are all necessary precautions!)
Andrew seems to very much want for FF to be in prime condition for the hunt. Part of him wonders if he’ll be released amongst other game animals and FF had never felt more jealous of the turkey who got pardoned by the president the day before. Why does that stupid bird get all the luck? Where’s his presidential pardon?
That grateful feeling evaporates into a dust cloud as Andrew lifts a plastic bag, “Stop drinking these.” Andrew hisses, “They’re going to make your ulcer worse.” He points at FF.
“I need them.” He says.
“For what?”
“Five hours of energy at a time.”
“Pull out the brownies and go back to sleep Smith.”
“They still have 10 minutes.”
“Then I’ll pull them out in 10 minutes.”
“There’s a final step that I have to do once they’re fresh out of the oven.”
“What is it.”
“Smith Family Baking secret. I don’t make the rules.” FF gestures towards where the incense continues to burn, “Great Gran’s recipe and methods cannot be shared with non-blood relatives. My mom wasn’t even let in on the secret.”
Thank god
Andrew glowers at him.
Oh God
“It’ll be just 20 more minutes.”
Andrew’s eyes narrow at him.
“They’ll be worth it.” He pleads.
Andrew rolls his eyes.
“Go to sleep when they’re done. Take Nicky’s room.” Andrew commands.
“Take Nicky’s what?” Nicky leans into the kitchen.
“Smith is going to go back to sleep on your bed.”
“Yeah you look like shit Smithy. Don’t worry, unlike Neil and Andrew’s bed mine is all safe.”
Nicky zips out of the kitchen with Andrew hot on his heels. Nicky really is a good friend.
He performs the sacred rites necessary upon the brownies when they come out of the oven and takes a small corner piece to taste test and -
He closes his eyes and clasps his hands together in prayer.
‘Thank you Great Gran.’ He prays earnestly.
‘Remember to wash behind your ears’ he thinks he hears a whisper of grandmotherly advice in return.
That was probably normal.
He extinguishes the incense.
He cuts up the brownies, finds a decently sized plate, and sets the brownies out on the counter before he starts to work on doing the dishes. Yeah Yeah he could have been cleaning while he waited for the brownies to cook! That’s what you always do right? Clean as you go?
Well have you ever been baking brownies that might be the difference between life and death? No? Well then FF is just going to have to stop you right there because he had the oven light on and his eyes GLUED to these fudgey squares.
Who knows what the cousins’ oven would do? He doesn’t know this oven. He and this oven are taking their first whirl together and it could decide to turn on him at any time. They don’t have the brotherhood that he and the oven at his Gran’s house have built over the years! This oven could be one of those ones that maintain their temperature by turning on the broiler! He felt like he could never again recklessly trust an oven after he tried to make crescent rolls in the Viking Oven at his step father’s house and had gotten them back blackened by the broiler.
That oven had been the SINGLE thing he had been excited about during the kitchen remodel which means naturally it was the thing that had betrayed him.
He lets himself think of all the ways he hates the Viking brand as he finishes the dishes and puts everything back to where they belong.
He walks out of the kitchen with the platter of brownies and sets them down on the table where Aaron and Nicky are sat. “Oh my god they smell amazing.” Nicky says and immediately his hand is shooting towards the plate and picking up a corner piece.
FF valiantly resists the urge to slap his and Aaron’s hands away. He needs these to compel Andrew into letting him live.
“Oh wow, those do smell good.” He hears Captain Neil’s voice and when FF turns around Captain Neil and Andrew are both there. It is only in that moment that he realizes that he should have bought some vanilla ice cream to go with these.
Andrew’s love of ice cream was not unknown, probably even infamous. He was the man who, during the summer training, had been so possessive over the soft serve machine in the cafeteria that anyone who wanted any had to ask Captain Neil to get them a bowl or risk being threatened.
He starts towards the door. At this point Target probably isn’t even that bad, probably just some irate people who didn’t come with the rush and are mad they missed out, maybe some officers talking to witnesses on who threw cast the first Wii remote, and workers who will hate him marginally less (unless he gets the same check out person and they remember him (unlikely))
His progress is arrested by a hand grabbing his hoodie.
“Where are you going?”
“I forgot Ice Cream.” And he could get a five hour energy to slam on the way back home.
He then finds himself being pulled down an unfamiliar hallway.
Ah, the anticipation had been killing him more than the fear of his demise. His brownies had not contained the requisite amount of grandmotherly love to save him he had been relying on extract (Great Gran’s spirit guiding his hands) instead of organic (he does not have grandchildren or children for that matter)
Maybe ice cream would have been the deciding factor? He’ll never know.
He closes his eyes and lets himself be dragged. He’s too tired to fight.
A door opens, and he finds himself sat on a bed.
Weird.
“You are falling asleep standing up. Go back to sleep. I’ll leave you at Eden’s if you fall asleep in the booth.” Andrew threatens.
What.
FF knows about Eden’s.
He has heard about it from Nicky trying to get him to agree to go but he’s pretty sure it’d be like introducing an Amazon rainforest frog to the Sahara desert in terms of survivability for him.
“We’re going to Eden’s tonight?” He manages to ask.
Andrew raises an eyebrow at him but answers, “Yes.”
“I’m not really interested in clubs. I don’t drink out in public or dance.”
“Neither does Neil. I just drink. We can stay in the booth.”
“I don’t want to interrupt your time with Captain Neil.”
“It’s fine, neither of us hate spending time with you.”
“I don’t have clothes for a place like that.”
“Nicky grabbed some for you. You’re coming tonight. Go to sleep.”
With that Andrew pulls Nicky’s curtains close, shuts off the light, and closes the door.
FF, always very much like a bird when placed into a suddenly dark environment, starts to feel some of the  exceptional sleepiness that he’d been pushing off through sheer manic desperation to earn another day of life.
He lays down in Nicky’s bed and is tired enough that he can ignore the sheer amount of body glitter on the sheets (does Nicky excrete it like sweat??) and starts to let himself drift off to sleep.
Eden’s might be something completely out of his wheelhouse but-
A conversation with Nicky from when he’d been trying to get FF to go comes into his mind and he sits straight up in bed as Nicky’s words roll around in his head like stale hotdogs at a gas station.
“Eden’s is cool, even though there’s some sick shit in the basement.”
Eden’s is a Secondary Location with a BASEMENT.
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MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU
NEXT
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The requests to be added to the tag list got spread out across a few different mediums on this one so if I missed you then just ask in the replies!
As stated before if you’re up here and I spelled it right but you  didn’t  get a notification there might be something switched around in  your settings that won’t let me tag you properly?
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edorazzi · 8 days
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Happy birthday to my gorgeous, amazing @officialladynoirette!!!!
After my amazing Thunderbirds bday gift from last year, I counter with a shameless thirst trap of her favourite iR bird. Just showing off his tattoo, of course! 👀
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rongzhi · 2 years
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A Sichuan opera 变脸 (Bianlian; "face changing") performance at a restaurant.
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autisticaradiamegido · 9 months
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day 177
i used to collect music boxes
i should get back into that
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findafight · 2 years
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Star Trek is never mentioned in Stranger things so headcanon that Steve grew up watching it (he has a youngish great-aunt who took care of him when he was baby Steve), utterly convinced Kirk and Spock are married, also convinced it's old lady tv. She took him to Star Trek: The Motion Picture and like. Fifty percent of the audience was older ladies. She had zines and later gave them to him.
Dustin finds out Steve is what one could consider a Trekkie when Steve offers to take them to see Star Trek IV The Voyage Home in theatres, and he flips because, Steve, you like something nerdy!!
And Steve's like 'no?? I like an old lady tv show? Kirk takes his top off like every episode and it was on during the day for housewives. My auntie was really into it and I watched with her and she gave me her little star trek fanclub newsletters. Basically everyone working on those were women. Idk man, maybe you like something mundane.
He attempts to recruit help but everyone agrees it's very nerdy to have fanzines from the sixties and seventies of star trek and Steve is like whatever I like the romance!! To which everyone is also confused because romance is never really a big part of it?? Kirk is a ladies man, sure, but it's not super romantic? And now it's Steve's turn to be confused because 'Kirk and Spock are Vulcan married!! They got married when Spock had Pon Farr! They do the weird Vulcan hand kissing thing!! Obviously they are soulmates and obviously I would scour the galaxy for you, Robin, but I also very much do not want to make out with you which is what Kirk and Spock do when they touch hands!'
Everyone is like what the fuck are you talking about? Because Steve is a Spirk truther lmao.
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mrghostrat · 22 days
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I FUCKING LOVE BNF AU RAHHHHHHHH
do you have a friend help you with the discord messages? or do you have two seperate accounts you made just for the fic?
i wrote them all myself! and then used a workskin to make it appear like discord in ao3 :) this way you can disable the workskin, use reader mode, or download an epub etc and it'll still appear as plain text like the rest of the fic.
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