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#like we tend to ramble but we also tend to be aware of that and to believe that you have a right to make your conversational needs known
onlyhere-onlynow · 21 days
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So we need to ponder on pointers. I think I get intellectually but not like know know it. Some pointers are hard to understand so idk. But when I see a pointer I go like “Hmmmm shit so nothings real 🤔🤔🤔” or sm like that. I try to go within but then I get back to the starting point.
So let me see if I get it, the human I think myself to be and all its memories aren’t real it is just “that” or an experience. The past and memories are just thoughts just as the future and thoughts are all the same illusion, so is “ “ (or wtv that is called) the present moment? I try to not be that engaged in the characters life but I tend to get lost and overthink, i know thats the character but I don’t know what to do. So even if Im spiraling and confused Im still “that”? Like I’m “that” every single moment, but I don’t want to experience this character anymore, I just want to be completely disengaged from it. I can’t be indifferent to it because someway or another I end up reacting to the character and its thoughts. I’m confused. I feel stuck inside this body.
Also I don’t really don’t understand the concept of imagination being as real as the “real life”. When I think of imagination (or what I call imagination) is a like thoughts and little images playing inside my head. Like I daydream and that’s seemingly happening inside the characters head. But if imagination is just as real as the real life, then if I imagine an apple (seemingly inside my head) is real? I really don’t know what to do w this information.
Do you recommend doing meditations? If you do, Can you recommend me some? Because I really need to get my mind to shut tf up. The voices are getting louder.
Sorry 4 all this rambling. I really like your blog and its spiderman theme !! (I 🩷 spiderman too). Don’t listen to the haters, spiderman is very cool. I want to start reading the comics. Do you have any recommendations?
Hello! :) (long posts are not my thing because imo words can turn redundant, but I want to make an exception to go through every part).
“I think I get it intellectually, but not like know know it.”
Pointers can use a lot of words and say a lot of things, but what are they when you don’t notice what they’re actually pointing at? I could try to explain how a color is, but you won’t really KNOW how it is unless you see it yourself (this is just an analogy as an example!).
“Some pointers are hard to understand…”
Hard for who? Who is this person that has to understand? Is there even a person at all? Isn’t “this is hard” a thought? Aren’t thoughts illusionary? The point here is to notice what all these pointers are pointing to (that’s why’s the name), and after that drop them. Notice your own nature, that’s what all these words are telling you to “do.”
“I try to go within, but then I get back to the starting point.”
Who’s the one that tries? If you’re awareness, aren’t you just aware of “trying”? Is there even a “starting point” in this when there’s no process at all? This is simple, nothing to force and nobody here trying too hard! You just “have” to directly experience your own nature (it’s what you’re “always” doing), notice it! It’s right here, right now.
“The past and memories are just thoughts just as the future and thoughts are all the same illusion, so is " " (or wtv that is called) the present moment?”
It’s simpler than that. Is there a person here that has a past, that has memories? Is there even a future when there’s no time? This seeming everything is all just " " in seeming different appearances, but all is an illusion, it’s not what it seems like. Experience is only in this present moment, what you’re aware of. Aren’t you aware of this words? Experiencing them? “This moment” is all there is.
“I try to not be that engaged in the characters life but I tend to get lost and overthink, i know thats the character but I don't know what to do.”
Who’s the one that overthinks? Who’s the one that “gets lost”? Is there a person here? When it’s all an illusion? Aren’t you just aware of this seeming feeling of “getting lost” and these thoughts? If so, what is beyond that? What is witnessing all of this? You say you don’t know what to do, but if everything is an illusion is there someone here that “does” or something happening at all?
“So even if Im spiraling and confused Im still "that"? Like I'm "that" every single moment,…”
Everything is an illusion. Doesn’t matter what it seems to be happening, it’s not real and you remain unaffected by it. Nothing is happening, actually! You are ALWAYS “ ”, no exceptions.
“I don't want to experience this character anymore, I just want to be completely disengaged from it.”
If everything is an illusion, this “character” isn’t part of it? You take this person and it’s seeming circumstances to be real, but isn’t everything an illusion? Your true nature, the real you, doesn’t matter what it seems to happen, remains unaffected. It may SEEM real, but nothing is happening at all.
“I can't be indifferent to it because someway or another I end up reacting to the character and its thoughts. I'm confused. I feel stuck inside this body.”
Who thinks they “can’t” be indifferent? Who’s the one that “reacts”? Who’s confused? Who feels stuck inside this body? To who all these thoughts belong to? Nobody. You are AWARE of all these thoughts, but still nothing is happening! You’re not this person, there’s no person to begin with.
“I don't really understand the concept of imagination being as real as the "real life". When I think of imagination (or what | call imagination) is a like thoughts and little images playing inside my head. Like I daydream and that's seemingly happening inside the characters head.”
Who is the one that has to understand? And understand what, when this is about noticing and it’s nothing new for you (not this person you think you are, but the REAL you)? How is this “inside your head” when there’s no head, therefore no person? You just label one more real than the other, but what is real?
Imagination = “Real life” = Daydreaming = Dreaming = Illusion = “ “.
They’re just concepts. You just experience as none is more real than the other. All illusionary, all “ ”. If you remove those labels, what is there left?
“But if imagination is just as real as the real life, then if l imagine an apple (seemingly inside my head) is real? I really don't know what to do w this information.”
What is there that is present in both ‘imagination’ and ‘real life’, or in whatever that seemingly happens? What is there beyond all these labels? Just how it was said, you take one to be more “real” than the other when it’s all equally illusionary, all “ ”. “ ” experiencing “ ”. If nothing is happening, who’s the one that “does” anything at all? The point is not to collect more and more information, more and more words, but to actually notice what they’re pointing at. You don’t have to do anything at all, you’re not even the one that “does” anything!
“Do you recommend doing meditations? If you do, Can you recommend me some? Because I really need to get my mind to shut tf up. The voices are getting louder.”
What mind? Meditation for who? Silence what mind? Who’s need? Meditation is fun and you’re free to do them (or whatever you want), but you keep looking for this need to run away from something nonexistent, when this is all you in seeming different appearances. No steps needed to notice it, just question it all.
>> I want you to notice something. See how all these questions and, when you ponder on them, you end up with “ ”? How they all point towards this nothingness that can seemingly “appear” as everything, but at the end is nothing at all? This is you! This inexplicable something that’s beyond all, but nothing new because it’s always been present, what you’ve always been experiencing. Notice “yourself” yourself!
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unfinishedbow · 2 months
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Okay so this is my rambling as far as we are aware someone or as I say catnap is obviously keeping dogday alive for a reason and some people might think like "oh he's torturing dog day or making an example of him" for the example part it it doesn't seem right cuz as far as we're aware noone knows dogday is alive everyone thinks that catnap is the last of the smiling critters and for the part that's like he's torturing him or something it just doesn't seem like something that catnap would really do he tends to just kill them and eat the 
so my assumption is like others again I've seen people talk about this before catnap probably has got an attachment to dogday as we see in the smiling critters cartoon he and dog day were best friends or possibly more but you know that's at theory for another day and catnap probably gets really lonely and he wants dogday to join the cult that he's in with a prototype but the prototype probably doesn't want dogday alive so catnap is keeping him alive in secret cuz again assumption everyone thinks all smiling critters are dead which probably includes the prototype so catnap is probably keeping dogday alive in secret to have actually someone to talk to or someone to relate to or just a friend.
And probably dogday is playing along but also you know has a burning hatred for catnap for killing everyone cuz as we see him talking he says "that thing.... catnap" so he probably does not like cat nap all that much which I wouldn't like him too I'd he killed everyone close to me
Also it's not confirmed that dogday died as far as we are aware he probably has still some consciousness or he might still be alive if smaller critters have done that before like when they were crawling inside him cuz  like in the cut scene he seems to know what is happening
But anywho that's my ramblings let me know what you think and hey that's just a theory A GAME THEORY
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recreationalfanfics · 11 months
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Words Hurt (Angst Drabble)
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It's quite a well known fact that Loki tends to lash out. He doesn't think about the consequences of his actions all that much, just that he has emotions and he needs to express them in someway. He needs to shout, yell, destroy, and tear down others just so he can get a unsatisfying but fulfilling feeling of not being as miserable as he was previously. You knew this, you were just as knowledgeable as the other gods about Loki and his unpredictable mood swings, and you were fully aware of them when entering a relationship with him.
There was a difference, however, in accepting someone with all their flaws and letting them lash out at you when you have done no wrong.
You sense he is upset. As a fellow god, you are as well but for different reasons. You were upset because the God slain by humanity was a good friend, Loki was upset because the humans were catching up to the Gods.
"I don't understand it! They're inferior beings! HOW COULD THEY HAVE CAUGHT UP!?" Loki snarled. You stay silent, knowing he isn't actually asking a question to you, and let him ramble. "We all WANT to win but us gods should be crushing them! and thanks to that pathetic god from your pantheon, they've caught up!"
...You break your tone when you hear that.
"What exactly do you mean, Loki?" You ask, your tone a bit defensive. Loki just let out a cold laugh and looked at you, "I mean, don't act like you didn't know. They aren't exactly the strongest god and putting them up there in general was a mistake. Now thanks to them, they're catching up."
His face contorts in anger, you aren't disturbed by it, but you are disturbed by his words.
"My ally fought hard and they fought well. I should also remind you that Poseidon is no longer with us because of them and he was one of the strongest of us all," You then walk over to your lover, eyes narrowed and your eyes looking at him in defiance, "so remember that when you speak ill of them."
The green haired god blinked in surprise but sighed in what sounded like defeat before caressing your cheek, his thumb now pinching it. Not in a way that hurt but it wasn't very pleasant.
"My poor dumb lover," His tone was woeful as he let go, you bring your hand to your cheek and rub it as you glared at him, "you bring up such irrelevant facts. Your fellow god died because they were too weak, even by our standards. That is the truth, plain and simple."
He smiles at you, such an infuriating smile. You know that you spent eons, lifetimes, admiring it. Now you simply wonder if it always made his face look punchable. The anger in your chest bubbled, the both of you know it, and he's just waiting for you to let him have it.
That's right, get upset. Get mad. At him or humanity? He doesn't care.
All he cares about is that he's seething with rage and he needs someone to join him. A selfish desire, yes, but he didn't particularly care. He wasn't even mad at you, he realizes this, but it's not fair that the humans were getting to him. He needed someone to feel as frustrated and enraged as he did.
So won't you join him, darling? Won't you keep his misery company with yours?
"Goodbye, Loki." You finally speak, your tone mature and even, yet also laced with venom.
He blinks and watches as you turn around, walking out of the room.
You know what he's trying to do. You know he isn't upset with you or your friend, your heart breaks as you realize your pantheon will be silent and solemn due to the missing spot in it, but you weren't his emotional punching bag. You weren't something that he can lash out on but it seems he needed to be reminded of that.
You don't let him see the tears falling down your eyes because then he'd get the reaction he wanted from you. He knew that they were there, however, and it was strange.
He wanted to make you upset, so he did not feel alone, and he had done that. Yet the boiling anger was no longer there the moment you turned away, just a cold feeling that left him emptied and hollowed.
...Perhaps...perhaps he had pushed it too far with his antics.
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goddess-aelin · 3 months
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Feels Like Home
For @backtobl4ck for the Rowaelin Yulemas celebration/ Secret Santa. For the second year in a row, I once again had the pleasure to write something for Maria! I was so excited when I found out I had you because we both loveeeee fluff and friends to lovers. So I hope you love this little gift and have a very happy Yulemas :) @rowaelinscourt
Masterlist
Word Count: 4k
Warnings: none!
Her hands were everywhere. Her lips touched his softly as she breathily moaned at his ministrations between her thighs. Silky blonde locks brushed his face as he made his way down the side of her neck. He never tasted anything so sweet, so right. “Rowan. Rowan. Rowan.” Her voice got louder and louder as he laid her back on the cushions of his couch, muscles straining to reign in all the things he wanted to do to her. He had to do this right. Move slowly. This thing between them was as precious as the sun’s warmth. “Rowan. Ro.” Her voice changed cadence, suddenly closer and louder. “Ro!” 
A stinging sensation against his cheek woke him. Like lighting, he shot up, catching the arm of the person who slapped him. Once he registered where he was and what was happening, the first thing he noticed were the depthless blue and gold eyes of his best friend. His best friend. Aelin. Who he was in the middle of having a sex dream about.
Rowan could feel his face flush as he became more aware of his surroundings. He silently thanked the Gods that he chose to cover himself with a blanket for this particular nap. Otherwise, it would’ve been painfully obvious just exactly what he had been dreaming about. 
“Must’ve been some dream, huh? Since you didn’t wake up the first twenty times I called your name.” Aelin raised an eyebrow. “Sorry for the slap, though. I just didn’t know how else to wake you up.” Aelin gave him a devious smile. 
Rowan rubbed at the still stinging area on his left cheek. The good thing was that the slap hid any blush that might’ve remained on his face. “Sure you are, Fireheart.” She pouted slightly, giving him her best “but I’m innocent” look. “Wait, how did you even get in here?”
“You gave me a key, remember?”
“Yeah, for emergencies. Not to barge into my house at…” He checked his phone. “4:35pm on a Thursday afternoon.”
“This is an emergency, Ro.” 
He raised an eyebrow and silently commanded, explain.
“Well ok…you see, I have this cousin. His name is Galan. Well he’s sort of my cousin but he’s also not. Not in the sense that Aedion is my cousin. But he’s still sort of close family, ya know? And I got the invite a few weeks back and I hoped that I could find a date but I haven’t yet and I just really think that maybe it would be a fun time and there’s going to be good food-”
“Hold on. What the fuck are you talking about?” Rowan couldn’t keep the humor and huff of laughter out of his voice. Aelin tended to ramble when she was nervous. So obviously this was something she was nervous about. He gently took her hand. “Start again and take a deep breath this time.”
For once, she listened to him. After inhaling and exhaling deeply, she tried again. “My cousin, Galan. He’s getting married and I have a plus one. I can’t go alone because my mother will have a fit and that will make her and my aunts scheme like hell to set me up with one of the groomsmen. But I 100% do not want that. I know Galan’s friends and they’re all dumbasses. I love my cousin, but his groomsmen all make really stupid, idiotic decisions. So no, thank you. So I guess my question is, will you go with me? As my plus one?” 
Rowan took a moment to process the information. What are the odds that he would have a sex dream about his best friend right before she asked him to be her plus one to a wedding? He was treading dangerous territory and he wasn’t sure what to make of it.
He must’ve taken too long to answer because Aelin hastily said, “As friends, of course. And you’d get free food, booze, and a night of dancing. You get to dress up, which I know you hate but it’ll be fun! Plus, you’ll get to have the most beautiful, amazing, graceful date on your arm.” 
That shocked him out of his stupor. Rowan let out a cackle. “Modest, aren’t you?” 
“Modesty is my middle name.” 
Rowan hummed in mock agreement. “Yeah, I’ll go with you. It’ll be fun. A night away, drinking, eating great food, and getting to watch the bridal party get increasingly drunk as the night goes on? I’m in.” 
Aelin beamed but quickly bit her lip. He knew her too well to know that it wasn’t just a nervous tick. There was something else. Rowan narrowed his eyes.
“It’s also like five hours away in Varese so we need to rent a hotel for the night.” She looked apprehensive, as if this new information was going to make him change his mind and say no. 
“O..kay? We’ve been on vacations together before, Fireheart. What’s different this time?” 
She blew out a breath. “I don’t know. I just know you don’t like being the center of attention and I know that my mom and my aunts are going to be all over you like vultures. So I just want to make sure you know what you’re getting into before saying yes.”
Rowan shrugged. “How bad can it be?”
- - - - -
Bad. The answer to his question from a few weeks ago was just that: it could be bad.  The date of the wedding crept up steadily, he and Aelin hammering out the details of their stay in Varese. Aelin, of course, insisted on coordinating colors for their outfits, which is how he found himself standing at the base of the stairs in the grand ballroom attached to their hotel in a black tux and emerald green bowtie, talking with Aedion while waiting for the two ladies to make their grand entrance. Aelin insisted on the emerald green to match his eyes. He really didn’t care either way, he just hoped he was able to reign in his budding feelings when he saw Aelin in what just so happened to be his favorite color. And that if he somehow did accidentally let some of his feelings show, that it wouldn’t make it awkward for when they got back to their hotel room.
Oh right, that. The other predicament he was in. 
Once he and Aelin arrived at the hotel that morning, they were surprised to find that not only did their room only have one bed, it also had one of the most romantic views of Varese, overlooking the river that flowed through the center of the city and its beautiful architecture. Aelin was quick to insist that she had nothing to do with this and that she ordered a double room. At the time, the wedding was only a few hours away and Aelin shoved him out of their room towards Aedion and Lysandra’s across the hall, stating that she needed to get ready and she couldn’t have his broody self in the room while she was doing so. So he and Lysandra had switched places, Aelin assuring him that they’d remedy the bed situation later. 
He and Aedion took a whopping total of ten minutes to get ready in comparison to Aelin and Lysandra’s two hours. Rowan’s foot started tapping of its own accord as the time ticked closer to the ceremony. If Aelin didn’t hurry her ass up- albeit her very, very nice ass- they were going to be late. 
He was cut off from his thoughts by the two sets of clacking heels on the marbled floor coming from the top of the stairs. It took one look at the thigh slit of Aelin’s dress for his mouth to dry up. Another glance at the way it hugged her hips for his body to go wholly still. And one final glance to her beautiful, glowing face for him to black out completely. 
He must’ve actually blacked out since, in what felt like a single moment, Aelin was standing right in front of him. Her emerald green dress matched his bowtie perfectly, of course, the gold accent of her minimal jewelry complimenting her eyes. She didn’t need baubles and gems to make her sparkle. She, just as she was now, was an ethereal being, glowing from an internal, unseen star. 
Rowan tried so hard; so, so, incredibly hard to will his mind to say something, anything. And yet, words escaped him. How could he ever put into words how beautiful she was, how much she meant to him? As saliva started making its way into the dry desert that was his mouth, all he could manage was a “Holy shit.”
Aelin’s laugh was like twinkling bells in his ear. “Back at ya, Buzzard. You look…very handsome.”
Was it just his imagination or did she sound…breathless? He couldn’t help but become aware of every place her eyes drifted to, like they were emitting invisible fire and burning him everywhere. His hand subconsciously came up to rub at the back of his hair, trying to smooth out anything that was out of place. “You’re being sarcastic, aren’t you?” He managed a small smirk. Or, he hoped he did.
Aelin’s eyes continued their unhurried perusal, mouth parting slightly and hand coming up to grab his own to stop him from messing up his hair even more. “No,” she breathed, “For once in my life, I’m not. I Promise.” Rowan could see her swallow hard.
Rowan had to take a deep gulp of air, otherwise he was sure he was going to pass out. Somewhere, deep inside of him, some air of confidence kicked in and gracefully allowed him to offer his arm for Aelin to take. Gently, she placed her hand in the crook of his elbow, both of them silently making their way to the doors where the ceremony would be held. As they neared the room, Rowan purposefully slowed them down, falling behind Aedion and Lysandra. “Fireheart,” he whispered. “You look…you look stunning. It’s what I wanted to say earlier but I couldn’t find the words.”
Rowan could have sworn a blush overtook her face. But she beamed up at him, giving him a sweet, shy smile. 
“Thank you.” He could feel more than see her sharp intake of breath. A breath to recenter and refocus. “Well, shall we, Buzzard?” Rowan nodded and steered them once again to the doors.  
An hour later, the ceremony was over and Rowan’s stomach was rumbling. Loudly. Seated next to Aelin, he knew she could hear it and she continued to sneak glances and little smirks at him. The hunger he could deal with. The sly glances from Aelin? Not so much. She had been driving him insane since she floated down those stairs and it was slowly but surely causing him to lose his cool. That would be if he ever had it in the first place.
And as the night went on, the torture only continued. Throughout dinner, her arm would brush his as she turned to talk to Lysandra next to her, her leg would tap against his own when she told a joke, and she would find any excuse to touch him as often as she could. In normal circumstances, he wouldn’t mind. But they were here as friends. And these touches were making him want much, much more than that. 
The only time he felt like he could breathe was when Aelin got up to dance with Lysandra to an upbeat pop song, leaving Rowan and Aedion sitting alone at their table to chat. Rowan had a few drinks already but he was nowhere near drunk. A nice buzz was flowing through him but he was still very much so in control of his actions.
At least, that’s what he thought until Aedion cleared his throat. Rowan broke his stare from Aelin’s sensuous dancing. Did she even know what she looked like to him? How much she was torturing him just by being herself? He wasn’t sure if she was aware. But Aedion sure as hell was. 
The blonde man gave him a knowing look and raised an eyebrow. Rowan just rolled his eyes and allowed his gaze to maneuver back to Aelin. He caught the moment when she threw her head back and laughed, the sound making his bones feel like they were both on fire and also a pile of mush. It was a feeling that he was unaccustomed to, having only felt anything of the sort with his high school girlfriend. But if that feeling was a good one, this one made him feel like he was flying. Made him feel a need so deep that he wasn’t sure he would ever recover. He needed every inch of her. Not only her body, but her soul, her smiles, her laughter, her tears. He wanted everything.
“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath. 
Beside him, Aedion chuckled. “You’re only now just realizing it?”
Rowan could do nothing but stare at the table, knowing that if he looked at Aedion, his secretly harbored feelings would be completely out in the open for the other man to see. And if he looked up at Aelin, the same outcome. So yeah, he was fucked. 
“I know you’re having a complete crisis over being in love with her but I’m glad you finally figured it out. Took you long enough.” 
That made Rowan look toward the man sitting next to him, brows furrowed. 
“Yeah, we’ve all known this for ages. I feel like it was obvious to anyone with eyes, to be completely honest. Some of us even have a bet on how long it’ll take for you two to finally admit that you’re in love with each other.” 
  Rowan made to open his mouth with a denial but Aedion held up a hand. “Nope, dude. Save the bullshit. I know just by looking at you that you’re so far gone for her, it’s unreal. And I know that Aelin has never been as happy as when she’s with you. She never laughed this freely until she met you.” Aedion let out a small huff of breath. “You have my blessing.” 
Rowan just repeated his earlier statement. “Fuck.” 
Their conversation was interrupted by a breathless Aelin sitting in the seat to Aedion’s right, where she promptly picked up the half-full glass of wine and chugged it. 
“So what are you boys gossiping about over here that has poor Whitethorn all red in the face?”
Internally, Rowan was panicking. Aedion opened his mouth to say something that Rowan was sure to be snarky but before he could, Rowan blurted out, “birds!” 
The corners of Aelin’s mouth quirked up slightly. “Birds…?” Rowan could tell that she didn’t fully believe him but luckily, Aelin was already half drunk. He hoped she would just let it go. 
The first mistake Rowan made was making eye contact with her. She always had an uncanny ability to read him like an open book, despite most people not understanding him. As she narrowed her eyes, the part of their souls that has always been intertwined translated for him, as if to say, I don’t believe you and think you’re full of shit, Buzzard.
So Rowan sent his own thoughts back, I don’t know what you’re talking about, Fireheart. 
The second mistake was continuing to hold her gaze. Not because he gave anything away to her but rather because it prompted the man sitting in between them to throw his hands in the air and exclaim, “Oh no. Oh helllll no. This isn’t happening right in front of me.” Aedion quickly shoved his chair away from the table and got up to leave. Before walking away completely, he turned around and pointed right at the two of them. “I’m tired of this bullshit. You guys need to get it together and just fucking make out already. Gods.” And with his piece said, Aedion stalked away, directly to the bar where he knocked back a shot immediately. 
Rowan turned back to Aelin, whose eyes were wide and brows furrowed. 
“Umm, what just happened?”
The only thing Rowan could do was shrug. He sure as hell wasn’t going to lie to her but he wasn’t sure that he could outright confess his feelings, either. He was saved from deciding by the transition to a slower song, one he knew Aelin liked. As he looked back over at her, her eyes had drifted closed and her shoulders were swaying slightly, moving along to the lilting melody of the song. 
Rowan shoved his chair away from the table, extending his hand toward her. Blue eyes met his own and held his gaze with an intensity that could’ve set him on fire. “Dance with me, Fireheart.”
Aelin managed a small smile and took his hand, following him to the dance floor where Lysandra and Aedion and her parents were already coupled up and swaying back and forth. He gently guided her hand to rest at his shoulder, laying his own on her waist, and cradling her other to his chest. 
Looking down at her, he felt like he could do this forever. Her bright teal eyes were hazed with alcohol and something else, as if she felt content, safe. Slowly, she tilted her head so it rested on his chest. Of their own accord, Rowan’s lips gently placed a kiss to her hair, inhaling her sweet lemon verbena and lavender scent. Aelin always smelled so good. So…comforting. Like home.
Through the haze of their otherworldly bubble, Aelin murmured something. 
“Hmm?” he asked.
Pulling her head back, she answered him, “I said ‘are you going to tell me what that was back there at the table? With Aedion?”
He tensed, Aelin tensing along with him. “It was nothing, Aelin.”
She raised an eyebrow in protest. He knew she was disappointed. She could tell he was lying through his teeth. “It obviously wasn’t nothing. Just tell me. Did my mom say something? She and my aunts have been watching us all night like hawks.”
“Really, Fireheart...I…It’s nothing. Everything’s good.” He gave her a tight smile, hoping she would let it go and they could go back into their bubble. But, of course, this was Aelin. She tensed even further, pulling her hand off of his shoulder and making to pull away from him completely. But before she could walk away from him, he grabbed her hand and as gently as he could, pulled her back toward him. She was caught off guard, Rowan could easily tell that much. 
He slowly began to sway them back and forth again. Not caring about the eyes on them, he murmured “I’m not good at this.”
Aelin’s brows furrowed together. “At what?”
Rowan’s shoulders shrugged up and down of their own accord. “This. Talking about…about my feelings.”
Aelin’s head tilted in that way of hers that told him she was thinking. “And what about your feelings are you having a hard time with?”
“I’m not having a hard time with my feelings, I just…I can’t–” Rowan sighed. “For fuck’s sake.” It was at that moment, when Aelin was looking up at him with her eyes that could see everything, her beautiful mind that could work out any problem, that he grabbed her face. “Aelin–I love you. I’m in love with you.” Rowan felt as if his heart was going to beat out of his chest, his breathing so ragged as he waited in anticipation for what she would say back. But the answer didn’t come after a few seconds. And then it didn’t come after a few more. Aelin just stood there, wide-eyed and mouth opening and closing as if she couldn’t find the words, either. And bit-by-bit, Rowan was beginning to give up hope. 
   Slowly, he loosened his grip on her face, meaning to step back and give her space. But before he could pull away completely, Aelin threw her arms around his neck, dragging his head down forcefully and attaching her lips to his own. If he was being honest, it was probably the least romantic kiss he’d ever experienced but it didn’t matter one bit because it was Aelin. 
The kiss was over before it started and Aelin pulled back slightly. Just enough to murmur, “I love you, too, Buzzard.” 
He couldn’t help the smile that overtook his face. Properly this time, he held her face between his hands and brought her mouth back to his. This kiss was entirely different from the first. Gone was the urgency and desperation and in its place was genuine love and devotion. Would he ever get enough of this? He could’ve died in her kiss a happy man right at that moment. But he hoped that he would get many more chances to experience Aelin in all her glory.
Cheers and clapping broke them out of their reverie, startling them both back into reality. Rowan assumed it was cheering for Galan and his wife but as Rowan’s gaze roamed over the crowd, they all seemed to be watching…him. Aelin’s mother was at the head of her sisters, all five of the Ashryver sisters looking toward him and Aelin. All with smirks on their face. He could’ve sworn he heard a few swoony sighs as he and Aelin made their way back to their seats, faces aflame. 
Once seated, Aelin leaned in close, putting her hand dangerously high on his thigh. “Well, I’d say it’s not such a bad thing that our room only has one bed, wouldn’t you Buzzard?” 
Rowan narrowed his eyes. “Did you plan this, Fireheart?” 
Aelin shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not. Who could ever know.” Rowan pinched her side, making her giggle. “I will say, though, that my wheels might have started turning the moment I walked in on you having a nice little smutty dream about me.”
Rowan gaped. “Wh-what?!”
Aelin shot him an answering smirk. “Oh yeah, did you think I didn’t know? You were literally moaning my name in your sleep. How else was I supposed to take that? Unless there’s another Aelin in your life, which, if that’s the case, excuse me, I’ll let you two be alone.” She feigned getting up from the table but he pulled her right back down, bringing her face close to his. 
“And so what if I was, Fireheart?” He murmured in her ear. He both saw and felt the shiver that made its way down her body. 
“Then, Buzzard, I’d say its a very good thing that our room has a king bed.” While his blood heated at her promise, he couldn’t help but think that this was the start of something amazing. Something that felt like home.
Tagging:
@cretaceous-therapod @morganofthewildfire @tomtenadia @live-the-fangirl-life @charlizeed @violet-mermaid7 @euphoric-melancholyy @kritical24 @rubyriveraqueen @dealfea @wellofnothing @ayaashryver @moonknight-spector @leiawritesstories @whoever-you-choose-to-love @holdthefrickup @heirofflowers @thecrispypotatochip @shanias-world @rowanaelinn @bruiseonthefaceofhumanity @hanging-from-a-cliff @fantacysoup @swankii-art-teacher @thegreyj @fromthelibraryofemilyj @westofmoon @lovely-dove-zee @books4eva04 @cookiemonsterwholovesbooks @backtobl4ck @dreamer-133 @elentiyawhitethorn @writtenonreceipts @shyvioletcat @aelinchocolatelover @captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship @athena127 @tothestarsandwhateverend @highqueenofelfhame
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aita for telling on a classmate??
(tw for homophobia and antisemitism)
🪻
(emoji so i can recognise it)
this is like really long, im sorry, i tend to ramble.
also my native language isnt english so i translated a few words i didnt really know with google translate which may be unreliable (talking specifically abt supervising teacher here, but i explained what it means just in case)
also i use all pronouns, listed my gender here as 'idk', so putting this here to clear it up
ok so this might sound really dumb but listen, in my (15idk) class there is this one guy, lets call him wit (15m) and ever since we started high school he's been really troublesome for other people. for further context hes very strongly catholic and frequently talks about his political opinions.
many students of our scholl agree that this would not be much of a problem if he kept at least some respect for others while doing it. wit is infamous in our school for making extremely homophobic and antisemetic comments, ranging from usage of derogatory language and insulting a guy in our class because he's partially ethnically jewish, to stating that homosexuality and transgenderism is mental illness, to saying gays should get shot, making up crazy statistics about pedophilia in the lgbtq+ community and taking a photo of himself doing the nazi salute while holding the flag of the third reich (we live in a country very heavily affected by the holocaust to this day. jesus christ dude). (note that our school has a quite large number of queer people so making these comments in such a public space is already a bit iffy imo.) he also states his opinions as fact, and when somebody tries to debate him on these things (he claims he's up for it) he keeps interrupting them, and in some cases calls them an idiot.
wit actually was in another class before, he switched to ours because his classmates and supervising teacher (translation might be wrong, went off google translate - i mean the teacher held responsible for what the kids in their class do) couldn't stand him (there are rumors that he tried to sue her actually?). our supervising teacher (29m) is well aware of this.
today, he was grading us on our behavior (idk if american schools do this?? it has to end up on our report cards at the end of the year here, we're graded once per semester) and the topic of wit's behavior came up. the day before this, he had gotten into an argument with this one girl, let's call her gabby (15f), because she had 'taken his seat' in our physics class (we don't have assigned seats, and the teacher invited a few kids from another class to write some missed assignments, so there were more students than chairs). wit started off calm, when gabby told him she was there first, he got mad and started shouting at her, and when she didn't want to give up her seat for him (she was calm about this!), he started to attempt to physically get her off the seat by pulling or pushing her off. as far as i know, three people in our class recorded this exchange.
wit got graded 5/6 for his behavior (very good) after our teacher vowed to lower it because of the amount of complaints he was getting about his behavior. this was before our teacher found out about yesterday's situation. today we had two classes with him and he was going to dedicate both to talking about our behavior grades, so we told him about how wit acted yesterday. our teacher was reasonably a little pissed at wit for getting physical, as well as shouting at a classmate. wit tried to defens himself saying he was calmly telling 'this unruly, undeserving of such respect girl' to piss off, but as i said, several people in our class had video evidence of what he did.
the conversation quickly shifted from just the fight in physics to wit's respect for others (or, more appropriately, the lackthereof). this is when his rampant homophobia was brought up. several people in our class voiced their concerns about how most of us feel really uncomfortable when this dude's out there wishing death on all queers. our teacher was really mad at him for continuing making his homophobia this public when he was already repeatedly told that he makes people uncomfortable with it. we also brought up him calling people who dare not have the same beliefs as him idiots and left-wingers (as an?? insult??).
wit's behavior grade was changed to 4/6 (good)
after class, our class president (15f) and i went up to our teacher to show him screenshots of wit being transphobic, not to humiliate him further, but to provide proof of the claims about him still openly hating the lgbtq.
wit seemed to notice this because a few hours after school he texted me to talk about this situation. it started with him being frustrated about getting a 4, then saying he believes he should get at LEAST a 5 (note: he cited 'i respect others' as a reason, lol) and then it very quickly spiraled into him shit-talking gabby and our class president (he called gabby 'wild' and our prez toxic). i told him that he should be happy hes only being graded based on two months (our teacher said he's only taking the time wit was in our class into account, imo this isnt fair at all but ok), when his behavior was somehow better here than previously and that the girls deserved their grades (gabby got a 5, prez got a 6, both are very helpful and in my experience very kind people) and that the reason his grade was lowered was because of the lack of respect for others he was demonstrating right in that moment. he then said i was fake and called me a kabel (polish slang for snitch basically)
i talked to my parents about today, and they said wit is a bad person, but is in the right in my conversation with him. i disagree tbh but im also not entirely convinced im right either because i might have taken it a bit far, but idk, aita??
also im so so so sorry this ended up being ao long, i didn't realize how chaotic this story is until i wrote it all down lol
What are these acronyms?
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magnusbae · 9 months
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tfw u have a Complicated™️ Relationship With An Otherworldly Creature
First of all, I would like to point out that I DID NOT REALIZE WE HAD THAT DISCUSSION ON APRIL FOOL'S DAY.
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All I remember is being delirious from lack of sleep and you indulging me by listening to my ravings about a Venom AU for dreamling aND THEN MAKING AN ACTUAL MEME FOR IT!!!
While I don't remember much of what we said that morning, and this meme being perfect for Canon AU also, I will focus my efforts on elaborating on this Venom AU no one had asked for but everybody will be getting!
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"It's not human, but it's given me things no girlfriend ever could."
Hob Gadling is by no means a man who lacks options. He had fucked, and he had fucked a lot. He dated, he had even married once. He did all there is to be done, from casual to serious and yet... nothing comes close to this, to this bond he shares, to this otherworldly creature living within him, sustaining him, enveloping him, devouring him.
"Beloved," Hob says, feeling the instantaneous warming of his chest. Dream, (That is his name.) (Oh, what a lovely name it is.) often responds in such a manner to terms of endearment. He enjoys them more than he would ever care to admit. All the more incentive for Hob to use them as frequently as humanly possible. Which is to say, a lot.
The low frequency rumbling inside of his chest cavity lets him know that Dream is very much aware and chooses to remain silent on the matter. He is so sweet, actually the sweetest creature in the entirety of existence. It's hard to remember a time when he had thought otherwise, a time in which he was actually terrified of the creature that had decided to use his body as a free-ride.
Yes? Dream finally speaks, tired of waiting for Hob to verbalize his thoughts. His voice is a deep thunder inside of Hob's mind, closer to a loud thought than an actual audible sound. An intrusive thought he would never wish to get rid of. Hob. Strict, impatient, amused. He feels like Dream cannot decide if he's more irritated or amused by Hob's wandering thoughts. Speak.
Hob huffs out a laughter, shaking his head and opening his fist in an invitation. The empty spaces between his fingers are soon filled with claw-like ink black fingers. Dream's hand, firm and strong.
"I was just thinking," Hob closes his hand, squeezing Dream's hand in his, feeling the tightening of Dream's hand in turn. "how it's our anniversary tonight" he closes his eyes, thinking of a year ago, miserable and lost and terrified, with nothing in this world left, running into an alien that by all means was supposed to devour him long ago.
Expect for the miraculous part of them being so perfectly matched that Dream decided to preserve him instead. Tend his body, strengthen it, keep it safe. The only price being that he also gets to live in it. See humanity, learn of it, understand it. It's what he told him, however Hob suspects, knows really, that it was something far more personal.
Dream had filled spaces Hob didn't even know he had. Voids so small you don't know them but you ache them. And if Hob does even a fraction of what Dream does to him— well then, there's the reason.
Yes. Dream rambles, pleased. Anniversary, like marriage. the last word is purred so quietly it's almost like it's Hob's own thought.
"Hold your horses," Hob laughs again, cheeks warming up, he's smiling wide enough to ache "I expect to get properly proposed to, who do you think I am? I ain't cheap, you know" he feels a hand brushing his hip bone, an intimate, possessive gesture that sets a shiver down his groin.
Yes, of course. Dream's finger trace's down the 'V' lines, claw gentle but ever present. Not cheap. Proposal. Indeed. Dream is amused again, the cheeky creature is making fun of him, and that, is damn hot.
Whatever response Hob was about to give is swallowed down with a yelp when Dream takes him into his hand. Hob breathes out, mind blanking as the decidedly inhuman hand starts working on him.
Conversations about propriety can wait. After all, this is so much more interesting. Whatever else you can say about dating a formless alien who resides inside of your body, there's undeniable benefits to them literally sharing your own pleasure. Makes for a very good partner indeed.
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Written in one go without editing because if I allow myself even a single more hour of thinking how it needs to be PERFECT I will die LMAO.
Brief explanation of Venom for those who didn't watch it! >> under the cut.
Generally speaking, I would imagine that Dream's initial reason was to study, understand, experience a different existence than his own. He had no regard for human life (still doesn't, not in the way a human would) he was perfectly fine with riding human bodies and living their lives until they expired.
Expect Dream had found Hob, a perfect match, a human body that accepted every single cell of him with open arms, way before Hob even realized he loved Dream, his body had already accepted him.
This can have over-complicated plot, and it could be a simply fun-little au. It can have a "fish-bowl" rescue of reported Hob breaking into the Lab where Dream was being experimented on, and it could be Hob's homeless era when on top of everything else going wrong with his life, he also gotten jumped by an alien symbiote in an alley.
It can be anything you wish to imagine, but bottom line is— imagine the intimacy, the bond, the tenderness of sharing a body with a creature that envelopes you whole, who loves you whole, who cares and wants you whole. Body and Soul and Mind, literally, figuratively, everything.
A bond so close you feel like a single being, bond so close you feel you would die if separated. Hob didn't even know he needed it. Hob thought his life was complete, even if shitty at times, he didn't feel any lackings, and yet..... when Dream came into his life, he realized it was an empty shell compared to what it is.
And Dream, who had never felt a connection, only felt rejection after rejection, and then in the case of the lab-trab, the experiments and cruelty. Being loved and accepted and wanted so fully he betrays his entire species to be with Hob.
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Essentially, Venom is one specimen of a symbiotic life form that finds a host and bonds with it. It's not easy to find a proper host, if the host is not right, the symbiote would slowly devour the body and eventually kill the human. In the comics canon, a human named Eddie and Venom form a bond, eventually fall in love, and share a very intimate relationship. It's a VERY half-assed explanation, but basically, the symbiote literally lives inside of the human host, and it makes for some......fun dynamics. considering it's a literal alien.
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Pining!! Sailom in episodes 1 and 2
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Although I admit I did not initially believe Sailom had been pining for Kang since the umbrella, I am OBSESSED with the reveal that he HAS BEEN. It completely changes the way I now view the first half of the show. Here are my rambles on parts 1 & 2 to start, with probably more parts to come later (update: next part here.
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I feel like even before the Auto bullying reveal you can sense how exasperated Sailom felt. First and foremost at himself — like ‘why am I still so attracted to this asshole’. And of course also at Kang - who Sailom knows can be better than this entitled dick he keeps seeing.
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Then, after the bullying reveal you have to wonder about moments like these. Sailom is so furious at the teacher and at Kang for hurting Auto, but you know there’s some part of him that shivers at the touch of Kang’s hand and hates himself for it.
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This scene is so newly fascinating. He’s smart enough that he’s using his own attraction against Kang. He’s turning his years of want into a weapon!!
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And he looks so proud of himself for it. I think a tiny part of him initially thrilled at being the sole focus of Kang’s attention — of having Kang’s hands on his collar and Kang’s face so close to his.
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Likewise, how does this feel for him? He’s loved this boy since he was what — 13? — and now he has Kang’s arm around him and it’s all wrong but he still probably has to fight against the frisson of electricity he feels at Kang’s warmth all along his side.
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Sailom has TOLD us that he still felt love in this moment, warring with the hate. Did this feel like his most secret, long hidden fantasies turned to nightmares?
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His EYES. You can see him thinking ‘how did you become this person’ and ‘why can’t you be the boy I love again’ (and now we knowwww why — help I’m crying)
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And once again he weaponizes those feelings. You have to think he’d been feeling so useless and frustrated that he couldn’t move on, even as Kang did so many awful things, it had to be both vindicating and heartbreaking to feel pushed to kiss Kang. To sacrifice the sweet, soft first kiss he’d been holding out for.
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By episode two, he’s comfortable in the strategy of flipping his attraction right back at Kang.
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But you can sense his weariness. He wants to be left alone to try to kill the last vestiges of the crush he’s held for so long and instead Kang keeps escalating — he’s always nearby, always touching Sailom. No matter how much Sailom tries to fight it, he keeps feeling this traitorous flutter of awareness at Kang’s attention.
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I think he can’t stop mourning something he feels like he lost before he ever got to have. Sailom prides himself on his brain, and you have to think he doesn’t understand how he got it so wrong with Kang.
But what absolutely kills me is that in the end he wasn’t wrong. After all that internal struggle — after watching Kang do some truly horrible things and never entirely managing to give up on him — one night Sailom found himself in the midst of the most terrifying ordeal of his entire life. He found himself trapped by two scary drunk men threatening to permanently disfigure him.
And Kang saved him. The boy Sailom had loved for so long somehow appeared to scare those men away, like a fairy tale knight come to life. The boy who he’d never quite been able to stop believing in held him in his arms while he cried, then gingerly tended to his wounds.
Kang proved to Sailom that he’d been right to have faith in him. He showed Sailom he deserved his love. And both their lives irrevocably changed forever.
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alpaca-clouds · 7 months
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The forgotten parts of the ancient world
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Time for my weekly history ramble and today I am gonna talk about how our understanding of history is not only eurocentric but also otherwise quite skewed. Because we even ignore half of Europe.
When we talk about the ancient world, we will usually talk about it in terms of the "advanced civilizations", aka those civilizations that build a lot of stuff and who we know more about because of it. Which means usually... we are going to talk about Rome, Greece and maybe we are going to talk about Egypt. But that is going to be the end of it.
With that we obviously ignore all of Europe outside of it.
Admittedly. There were times when Rome basically was "most of Europe", because Rome was quite colonialist, but... we tend to just ignore the other cultures that existed in Europe at the time.
Sure, if you have grown up in Europe, you will know about the Germans and the Celts and you might be vaguely aware that the Slavs also were already around and doing their thing. But chances are, that you do know exactly jack shit about what those cultures were doing or, for that matter, which cultures were included under those rather wide names.
The celts are a really good example of this. Because the nominative "celts" actually involves a plurality of different cultures, that were related, yes, but still their own. The name "celts" was in the end an exonym given to them by first the Greeks and then the Romans, who were then just lumping those foreign cultures into one.
A big problem, of course is, that the celts, Germans and Slavs did not in fact write much of anything down. So we basically do not have anything in terms of primary sources on them, outside of the Romans and Greeks interacting with them and writing about it, before the cultures slowly died off (or rather were forcably converted to Christianity in many cases).
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But then there are also the other cultures - even "advanced cultures" we kinda do not speak about and will not learn about. Especially if you grow up in a majority white country. Things like ancient Persia and ancient Mesopotamia are only ever mentioned in passing. Minoan Greece is something you usually not learn about until you actually start to properly learn history. Ancient cultures in Asia and Africa? Ha, good luck. America and Australia? Yeah, most certainly not happening.
And while the latter two have the "excuse" of there really being near to nothing in terms of written history we have from there, the same obviously cannot be said for the Ancient civilizations of Asia, who did in fact write a lot down.
Usually the excuse for the ancient civilizations of Asia and Africa (minus Egypt) being excluded is, that "Well, you live in an European country. So it does not have to interest you." As if in the ancient world there was no trade and no exchange of ideas happening. Part of which is actually documented.
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Heck, even if we talk Ancient Greece/Rome/Egypt, we will often find, that those kinda each get lumped in, as if they were just one solid culture that suddenly appeared out of nowhere and then suddenly disappeared into nowhere. Like a blip, that lasted for a couple thousand years. With just one culture that never changed and was just solidly one thing.
But I have talked about this before: No, those cultures were not "one thing". They developed over time. If you were to look in close it would actually be super hard to say when each of those cultures began and ended. It kinda fizzled in and fizzled out. There were not just people going there and being like: "Alright, time to build some pyramids now!" Or: "Yoooo, let's build like some great temples to some gods on some mountain."
And those cultures changed over the time they existed. A 900 BC Greek would have not quite recognized the world a 500 BC Greek would have lived in.
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Why do I take that much of an issue with that?
Simply put: Because this lack of widely shared information will be used again and again by white supremacists to push their agenda. And that is true for so many aspects of this.
You probably might have seen some people meming about the "classisist" twitter or youtube pages, that simp over ancient Roman and Greek architecture. You also might be aware of the white supremacist proudly declaring themselves to be "anglo saxon" or "germanic". You will also know about how they will talk about "the actually advanced cultures" and only focus on the white cultures of course. And you will very certainly know about the entire "ancient aliens" conspiracy, that very much is based on the idea that only the Greeks and Romans could've been truly advanced, while all other cultures had to have had the help of aliens to archive their amazing feats.
And all of that is all linked to this: The lack of general awareness of the ancient world and how it looked - what the cultures looked like, how they changed and how they interacted.
Heck, those white supremacist asshole, who spout that shit often do not know anything about those cultures either. They just think it sounds could and that it makes them feel superior to other people.
But it is all... just a lack of information.
Yes, in some cases that information has been lost to time completely. But in quite a few cases it is just the lack of general awareness on the topic. Nothing else.
So we need to do better in teaching this stuff. Because it is important.
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Communication with the Gods
This is related to this post that I reblogged a few nights ago, which talked about how vocal folks on the internet can be about talking to the Gods, and also how this can sometimes be a little misleading. After reblogging it, I started to think about my own interactions and relationship with the Gods, and how they too don't often fit the internet's view of Godly interactions, and figured that I would share a bit about my own practice to show that face-to-face talking with Gods isn't necessarily the only way one can commune with Them.
To start off, I'll say that when I was first dipping my toes into Hellenic Polytheism, I was with groups that were very vocal about the Gods always talking to them. It was the kind of thing where they would be talking about having full-fledged conversations, or tea parties with the Gods, which caused me to put a lot of pressure on myself to experience the same. It definitely took a while after all that to have a relatively normal relationship with my Gods. As of right now, the vast majority of the time that I pray to the Gods, I feel and hear nothing. Maybe I'll have a sense of inner peace, but I think that comes from within more than anything else. Something about the rhythms in the way the prayers are spoken is soothing to me.
Hermes tends to take a very subtle approach in His interactions with me. Sometimes I know He's there only because I hit more green lights than I was expecting, or a car ride went smoother than the traffic would allow. Sometimes I find coins laying on the ground, heads-up, after a particularly successful trip, or after a desperate prayer to Him; or I find items that have been lost for a while, sitting in a very conspicuous place. Hermes isn't subtle, but He also isn't very obvious. It's almost as if He moves when my back is turned, and when I turn around again, there's a very faint sense that maybe someone was there.
Dionysos, meanwhile, has been a bit more There for me. Sometimes, there's a heavier presence to Him being around, almost as if a person is standing in the space with me. Other times, I won't feel a presence, but rather an intense emotion, that I usually can't quite place. For me, it feels like something akin to the type of madness shown in the Bacchae, although I'm fully aware of my state, if that makes sense. Rarely, I've felt His hands around mine when I pray, although it's more of a pressure than the physical feeling of hands (it's all about vibes!).
The few times I've had an experience that was a deeper communication, they were relatively abstract. One time, it came as a sudden rush of realization on a cruise ship that the Gods love us (that will be another post, lol). A few times, it's been strangely intense dreams, in which I wake up from them and have a strong feeling that it meant something, one of which led me to create this blog. And the One Singular time I have ever heard a God (Dionysos) speak directly to me, it was only one sentence, while I was trying to take a nap, and I was able to feel His presence for a while afterwards.
Anyways, this has come as a bit of a ramble, but I think the overall point that my ADHD-addled mind is trying to make is that the Gods communicate in many different ways, and not all of them are direct God-to-human talking. It's more like subtle communications that say "I'm here, I've never left you." There's something to be said, and I think this idea stretches across multiple religions, about just being still and quiet with your Gods, and the Gods being there in that silence. If we really think about it, animals have only been able to hear for about 275 million years. That's almost no time compared to the age of Earth (4 billion years), and the universe (13 billion years), and the Gods were around even before that. They lived for so long in the silence, and They are there with you in the silence as well. <3
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aortaobservatory · 4 months
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would lovelovelove to hear ur take on the rage aspect in general.
You've actually asked me about my favorite aspect and I will GLADLY take this opportunity to ramble about it (and, I suppose, touch a bit on its inverse as well). I actually wish I was this aspect instead sometimes; I present as very punk in my offline life and every Ragebound I've met has always been the most delightful company I've ever kept. (I suppose that might also be a very Heartbound thing to wish for, to be of another aspect...)
Of the twelve aspects, I will argue that Rage and Hope are the most commonly and grossly misunderstood. When they are flattened into one dimensional concepts, they are flattened into words that are not even in the realm of correct. Because of what we see in canon, Rage and Hope tend to get flattened into the "angry aspect" and the "positive aspect". These are incorrect understandings. Hope is about ideology and the systems built by them (such as government, or organized religion). Rage is about activism and digging out the truth. It is a very active aspect.
From The Extended Zodiac, I pulled these keywords from the Rage Aspect description. These would be the "canon" traits; they are what I adhere to when analyzing, but it should also be understood that this concept encompasses much more to do with than these keywords. Its "vibe", if you will, is much more than what is written.
TEZ Rage Keywords: Chaos, contempt, truth-seekers, doubters, stubborn, volatile, unpredictable, original, revolutionary, fearless, (cruel, uncompromising, vicious)
The words I chose to represent Rage in my analyses of the classpects are "Skepticism, Truth-seeking, Rebellion, Stubbornness". Like the other aspects, Rage is not an inherently good or bad aspect; it is neutral in its purest form.
Rage is what brings change. It is rebellion against unfair government systems, it is breaking free of internal biases, it is going out and finding the truth outside of the propaganda you have been fed. Rage aligns with punk very well, and I would be willing to argue that many of those in the punk subculture are Ragebound or know several Ragebound, and this is because to be punk is to rebel against wider societal views. You'll find many queer people in the punk subculture, for example, even if they are not Ragebound, because of how wider society views queer people.
Not all punks are Ragebound, and not all Rage is punk (though, much of it is). Rage is also activism. It is organized rallies and protests. It is essays that carefully deconstruct internal biases and point out what is and isn't propaganda. It is not believing what you are told about something because you'd rather get first hand experience or research it yourself than hear it from the mouth of anyone else.
I cannot speak of Gamzee and Kurloz as they are presented in canon, because... their characters were either written very messily or just not written at all. They are both destroyer classes, which tends to skew the understanding of an aspect as well. However, I would think that Gamzee and Kurloz's arcs, if written out with intentions of having them be properly developed as characters, would include becoming aware that their beliefs were built on faulty premises, turning against their cult beliefs, and tearing it down; using Rage to destroy what had (passively or actively) destroyed them.
(I would like to joke that Gamzee and Kurloz had to be written poorly. If they were ever written as a fully realized Bard of Rage or Prince of Rage, Homestuck would have been over the moment they accepted their true aspect and began using it to destroy the Condesce and Lord English. Those two classpects are particularly powerful.)
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cabinofimagines · 1 year
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Could you write a dating headcanon for Anubis in Kane Chronicles?
So this is probably not what you wanted. I could explain why I did these headcanons like this (and it is not that I don't like the character, if anything I do! (If I headcanon his manic pixie dream boy image that we get from Sadie's POV away)). I will leave a short rant at the bottom of the fic, for those interested :)
WC: 650 Warnings: mentions of death and dying
-Asnyox
Dating Anubis Headcanons
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-What you and Anubis have is not really a “relationship” by mortal standards. Anubis is not allowed to be romantically involved with humans, unless he takes a host. Hence, why this relationship is rather tragic. 
-He doesn’t understand human traditions, and hardly gets past “normal” behavior. He thinks it is cute how you solve things, and how you behave. He finds you intriguing, therefore he seeks you out every now and then.
-You will have to explain holidays to him, and parties. You will need to tell him why he cannot suddenly show up at your house at night, when your parents are in the room next door. He tends to tilt his head when he is confused by your rambles, but there is always an affectionate smile on his face. 
-Be prepared for him to be gone for weeks on end. He gets in trouble if he grows too attached to you, and tries to avoid raising suspicions from the other gods. He does not want to be banned from seeing you, but the real question is on how long he can keep this up. They are bound to notice the small changes in his behavior (he seems happier lately, less moody). 
-He doesn’t realize how much he cares about you, until he sees that you are in danger. This need to protect you surges over him, and he basically growls as he saves you, quickly removing you from the situation. After he quickly scans you for injuries, he excuses himself and immediately goes away. He does not come back for a month, because he is trying to settle his feelings. But this just makes him grow fonder of the idea of being close to you, and he gives up denying himself time with you. 
-This is when he becomes really aware of the dangers that seeking you out pose. Not only can he be banned from seeing you, but it can also put some kind of target on your back. He wouldn’t know who would dare to challenging him but there might be a stupid magician out there who could try to use you as blackmail.  -If this results in you actively seeking him out, he will only turn more and more sour towards you. You are a fool for even talking to him. He tells you to stop, to live your mortal life without worrying about him. He is a god and he can take care of himself. If you are too stubborn, you can be sure you won’t see him again for the rest of your mortal life. 
-He might sometimes get jealous of your mortal life, when you talk excitedly about it. It’s not like he cannot take a mortal host, but he knows it will not be the same. Will he be with you, or his host? Will he be able to reach a balance with the host, or will it only bring problems? There are many doubts, and Anubis does not enjoy those, for uncertainties only brings more complications. He doesn’t want to complicate your life any further.  
-Anubis holds hope though- that one day, maybe after you die but hopefully sooner, he can become your significant other. It’s a guilty pleasure of his, to think about having you around all the time, to hold you close and to traverse your world. He is not heartless, he simply fears for the worst and does not understand that he might have eternity to figure things out, while your mortal years are going by fast.
-And if you were to hold onto him, or the concept of him even when he refuses to see you, if you keep asking for his attention, begging for him to love you, his guilt will force him to erase himself from your life. He will look at you from far away, protecting you silently if he needs to, but he never meant for you to get attached to him, not like this. He is a god, and he cannot physically be with you, but once upon a dream you can converse with him. Lay yourself bare, as he gets crushed by his mistakes.
Explanation, in short: it is canon that Anubis, the god, is not able to have a romantic relationship with a mortal. And given that this was not labeled Poly! Walt & Anubis (Because i think that is the best description i can give ig) I figured you meant just the god, which means it is a doomed relationship. Anubis, for one, believes in human agency and wouldn't just force a vessel because he likes a human. Anyways, that was a little rant.
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scaryman-fancam · 3 months
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Revenant rambles - potential fic worldbuilding? - canon typical violence
- Sometimes I wonder about fans of the Apex Legends in universe. Obviously there would be fangirls, fan blogs, etc etc, I wonder how Revenant specifically would feel about them? He does tend to be a bit vain and egotistical, but simultaneously has a strong distaste for others. I can easily imagine him hating the attention, believing it to be stupid and annoying, but also, maybe he’d like it? Knowing he has adoring fans supporting him and fawning over him would definitely be a power trip, but I’m just not sure if he’s all that egocentric.
- I know this has been said before but I’d love to expand on Revenant’s voice lines sometime, especially the ones where he says things like, “Smell that? First blood,” or “that’s the sweet aroma of fear,” or even the one where he straight up just sniffs? I’d love if the game itself would expand on that but for now I plan to implement it in future fics. Like, if he can smell fear and blood, who’s to say he can’t smell other things? Like stress, anger, sadness, etc.? It’d be a great tool for him, being able to tell what they’re feeling without being able to see their face or read their expressions. Pretending to be stoic wouldn’t work against him. He’d probably get really cocky about it, too, being able to read someone so easily.
- I thinks it’s really interesting how human Revenant still is. In his introduction trailer, one of the first things we see is him attempting to shave. He didn’t quite realize he wasn’t human anymore yet, but in terms of Revenant lore, realizing he isn’t human is a fairly recent revelation. Loba is 36, and her parents were attacked when she was 9, and if that really was the instant he realizes he’s not human, he’s only been aware of his circumstances for a little over 20 years. There’s so much about this that’s so interesting to me. It gives us really interesting insight on what his mind must have been like. For example, did his programming prevent him from questioning the passage of time, or maybe it prevented him from questioning how he had lived for so long? He complains about dying over and over again, what did he assume was happening before realizing he wasn’t human anymore? Did he believe it to be a bad dream, or maybe he just ‘got lucky’ and wasn’t beyond saving? I wonder what he was capable of as Kaleb Cross, did he question his abilities he has as a simulacrum, or was he programmed to believe he always had these powers?
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redstringraven · 8 months
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an excruciatingly long ramble about the ‘03 turtles and the enneagram 🐢🧡 pt5 (end)
[ intro + disclaimers post ] [ pt 2 - raph ] [ pt 3 - leo ] [ pt 4 - don ]
mikey, 7 with a 6 wing
intro
we've reached the final entry, lads, but we've still got a lot to talk about. there's also, of course, the chance i might have future things to observe and build on and, if i do, they will be posted and linked as addendums. for now, however? let's blow this popsicle stand.
you might remember way back in the intro post that i said i was excited to talk about mikey because he’s a complicated combination of a lot of moving parts and almost stupidly self-aware. i had a reason i wanted to start this project off with raph and, similarly, i have a reason i wanted to end it with mikey. there’s a chance that some of you might have noticed or caught on, and i’ll give you a moment to think about it.
done? okay cool.
mikey’s 7 is linked to each of his brothers. all three of them have a 7 somewhere in their enneagram web:
raph has a 7 wing. leo’s security number is 7. don’s stress number is 7.
mikey and raph share a lot in common, which is why they both get along so well and also butt heads frequently. i think a detail that may contribute to the latter is that their 7 link is in a wing on raph's end. mikey can see and understand where the 7-wing is influencing and coloring raph's core number, but he himself doesn't share an 8 as a wing. so, when it comes to getting what makes raph tick as an 8, mikey may fall a little short. but if mikey allows himself to chill out enough to access his 5, he might even be able to help raph understand his own temper and process his thoughts objectively.
as for the other two, mikey knows how to coax out leo’s playful side and get him to be kinder with himself and relax, shut his inner critic the hell up. mikey can empathize with don when he’s struggling in silence, bring him out of isolation and back to the present. stress and security numbers are stronger ties than a wing (they will always be attached to that core type, whereas the wing may differ), so mikey can see his strengths reflected in leo when leo's healthy and empathize with don's weaknesses when he's going through a dark spot. mikey would also have a taste of what it's like to live with an inner critic (leo's 1), and be capable of stepping back, slowing down, and being more open to clarity, innovation and insight (don's 5).
bare basics of the 7
7s are one of three assertive types (the others being 3s and 8s), and they’re members of the head triad (made of 5s, 6s, and 7s).
to reiterate: members of the head triad are concerned with anxiety; they carry a great deal of fear and are driven by it. they feel they experience a lack of support and guidance, and because of this they often engage in behaviors they believe will enhance their safety and security. they take in and relate to the world through the mind, and they tend to think and plan carefully before they act.
i’ll also mention again what i said about assertive types in raph’s post: assertives can be described as moving 'against people’. they respond to stress or difficulty by building up, reinforcing, or inflating their ego; they will expand rather than back down or seek protection. assertive types will often have issues processing their feelings.
unlike the previous posts, i think we need to pause here in the basics section for a second. because this is where mikey is different than his brothers.
if you look back to mikey's brothers, each of them have their core number in one triad but their wing in another: raph is in the gut triad, but has a head wing; leo is in the gut triad but has a heart wing; don is in the head triad, but has a heart wing. mikey, however, is fully in the head triad. but wait!: there’s more.
his brother’s core numbers and wings are all the same ‘type’: raph being an 8w7 means he’s fully an assertive type; don being a 5w4 makes him fully a withdrawn type; leo being a 1w2 makes him fully a compliant type. mikey, however, is a 7w6, which makes his core type assertive, but his wing compliant. so while his core number might cause him to inflate his ego, expand rather than back down, his wing’s influence could soften that or even nullify it. remember that compliant types like to be in service of the people around them and move toward others, and they have internalized principles and other dictates they've learned from childhood.
something else i’ve noticed while working on this project is that every triad has one type that seems like they don’t belong in their triad by surface-level observation. 9s are in the anger and gut triad, yet they’re peacemakers, think before they act, and are 'fine' with discomfort so long as everyone around them is happy. 3s don’t appear to be engaged with their feelings despite being in the heart and feeling triad, and they often struggle to connect with those emotions as well as their own identity. 7s are in the thinking and head triad, seeming to be carefree, joyful, and spontaneous in a triad so concerned with fear and anxiety. but where 5s externalize that fear and 6s internalize it... 7s forget it. or, they sure do try to.
a 7’s basic fear is being deprived or trapped in pain
their basic desire is to be happy, satisfied, and to find fulfillment
they believe they’ll be okay so long as they get what they need
childhood take-aways
y’all know the drill. let’s visit that quote from master splinter one final time.
“your path in life will not be an easy one. the outside world will not be a friendly place for you. you four are different in ways the surface dwellers would never understand. to survive, you must master these skills i teach you: the powers of stealth and secrecy. you must become kage, shadow warriors, and you must never be discovered by the outside world.”
it’s not uncommon for a 7’s childhood to be colored by an unconscious feeling of disconnection from their protective and/or nurturing figures, and in response to this 7s choose to nurture themselves. there’s a wide variety of reasons for this perception: another sibling came along and required attention, or there was illness in the family, or the family is living paycheck to paycheck and the protective figures are stressed. but, one way or another, the young 7 unconsciously decides they’re not going to sit around feeling sorry for themselves; if no one will take care of them, they’ll take care of them. this is NOT to say that 7s weren’t close to their protective/nurturing figures, just that on some emotional level they unconsciously decided they had to take care of their own needs.
young 7s will quickly seek out what psychologists call ‘transitional objects’: toys, games, and sometimes playmates. so long as they can find and move toward interesting ideas, experiences, and people, they can repress their underlying feelings of frustration, fear and hurt. where 5s reduce their need to depend on anyone and 6s try to anticipate every possible disaster, 7s create a pain-free world in their mind where they can hang out and think happy thoughts.
like i said back in leo’s post their lives had to’ve been some level of chaos since the word go. master splinter had a LOT to manage and balance and pay attention to, whether it was his own grief/newfound intelligence and change, finding them all a safe environment, or the four boys themselves. we have young leo earnestly doing his best to meet and surpass expectations--going to splinter for advice and approval and more lessons. we have young raph questioning splinter’s authority and glimpses of his temper starting to surface more often. and we have young don choosing to tinker instead of play with his brothers or fully engage in training, and maybe needing a bit more attention during said training because this isn’t the area he’s chosen for his expertise. that’s a lot of attention spread real, real thin. this poor rat is doing his best, man.
while i wouldn’t say this strained or damaged mikey’s relationship with splinter, it wouldn’t surprise me if mikey unconsciously realized he’d need to find the nurturing he wanted elsewhere. much like leo’s 1 would have recognized his protective figure’s responsibilities and expectations, and received them in earnest, mikey’s 7 pulled him toward distractions to better tolerate his own anxiety: toys, trinkets, music, games, comic books, artistic expression. in mikey’s story during tales of leo (s1ep19) we see him wander-dancing around the lair with his headphones on, (allegedly) looking for his gameguy. he pauses to talk to leo, but leo is concentrating and won't engage with him. this leads to mikey deciding to break young leo’s concentration because he, quote: “hates to be ignored”.
mikey as a 7
7s are sometimes nicknamed: ‘the enthusiast’, ‘the generalist’, ‘the multi-tasker’, ‘the wunderkind’, ‘the dilettante’, ‘the connoisseur’, or ‘the energizer’.
7s are masters when it comes to the art of reframing; they can take a bad situation and turn it into a positive light in a blink. it’s a defense mechanism that’s instantaneous, unconscious, and impressive. in his official profile, mikey states that “the other guys seem so down sometimes, they need me around just to lighten things up! life’s a beach!”. heck, there’s a ton of this, here. that happiness is a way of life, life is what you make it, and that "knowing how to take care of yourself in times of trouble is neat... it's like being in a movie”.
if you continue to doubt mikey's place in the thinking/head triad, then you've yet to watch a 7 start to rationalize. should you call them out for acting selfishly or attempt to caution them on making a dumb decision, they’ll defend to the death the reasonableness of their position or provide a million good reasons for doing whatever it is they want to do.
a small example can be found in trouble with triceratons (s2ep2) while the turtles are trying to retrieve honeycutt from the triceratons, resulting in don piloting an alien vehicle while mikey rides sidecar. mikey begins pressing all the buttons--just all of them--and don says “leave the shiny buttons alone, mikey!”. to which mikey responds “but it might be something really good!” (and then he is promptly jettisoned from the car. rest in pieces, king).
a better example could be found in a wing and a prayer (s4ep7). while don, leo and raph are training, mikey's standing by reading a newspaper. leo breaks away from the others to cut through the newspaper in order to get mikey's attention, and he tells mikey. they’re supposed to be training. mikey's quick to say that he is training! he’s doing mental exercises… reading! leo presses “didn’t you learn anything from your battle nexus rematch?”. and mikey has an answer for this, too, in the form of a quote from master splinter about worry, fear and anger... and pin that up on the board--pin it--because we're gonna circle back to that.
much like 8s, 7s don’t like being told what to do. but where an 8 might outright pick a fight with an authority figure, opponent, or leader, a 7 will attempt to manipulate them with charm and charisma. while it wasn't OUR mikey who sweet-talked his way out of sliver's containment in reality check (s3ep19), it was still a version of mikey who pulled it off, and it was our mikey's plan.
7s are crafty lil stinkers. much in the same way they can quickly think to rationalize their wants and behaviors, they will be quick to notice and remember how those around them respond to things, what buttons to press they might need to press to garner the results they want. a prime example of this is his match against raph in the battle nexus.
raph goes into this match confident and eager. he thinks that he’s going to give mikey a life time's worth of get-backs, but… never considers that no one in this tournament knows how to work him like mikey does. ... ... *leans in and lifts microphone closer to my mouth* and we're gonna circle back to that, too.
7s are (for better or worse for those around them) exceptionally bright and quick learners. their minds move fast from one idea to the next, making them fantastic brainstormers and great at synthesizing information; they tend to have excellent mind-body coordination and dexterity. all this can cause them to develop an inflated sense of their own 'giftedness' and cause them to come off as or actually be: arrogant.
i think it’s safe to say that mikey is the most ‘’’naturally gifted’’’ out of the four when it comes to ninjitsu. master splinter draws attention to this in touch and go (s3ep8) when he says mikey has an affinity for the martial arts. but one of the best ‘show-don’t-tell’ examples, in my opinion, can be found in what a croc (s2ep12) where mikey’s the one who holds his ground the longest against stockman’s turtle-bot. and afterward, when they swap weapons, he’s the only one of the four who uses an improvised weapon (two pipes).
it cannot be stated enough times that 7s don’t want to experience unpleasant emotions. sure, no one enjoys feeling frightened, bored, disappointed, sad, frustrated or angry, but emotions like this are downright intolerable for 7s. they want to avoid pain, and they believe they can think their way out of it. things like worry or stress are easier for them to deal with because they can mentally work with them and rationalize a way out, but things like sadness, grief or disappointment are harder. those emotions actually have to be felt to be dealt with. whenever 7s sense they’re getting too close to a painful topic, they might crack a joke or tell a funny story--they're the types who will sneak a wince-worthy pun into a eulogy--anything goofy or distracting to redirect the topic and skirt around those negative emotions. this avoidance can cause them to appear callous or lacking in empathy. mikey? cracking jokes when he “shouldn’t”? maybe coming off as insensitive to the situation around him? more likely than you think.
7s with a 6 wing are sometimes nicknamed ‘the entertainer’. they’re fast-talking, witty, and they're excited by new ideas and highly engaging people with a lot of energy and high spirits. they’re productive, but they can easily lose focus and become scattered. these 7s are sensitive and a bit more anxious than 7w8s, but they’re experts in using charm to disarm. they’re dutiful and loyal to their family and friends, and they’re often funny, entertaining, and highly accepting of others. in healthier states, they’re curious and creative with an excellent sense of humor and a more positive outlook on life than a 7w8. they’re quick-thinking, have cooperative spirits, and organizational abilities that enable them to accomplish a great deal with little effort.
stress & security numbers
mikey’s stress number is a 1, so in times of high stress and downed spirits he’ll begin exhibiting the negative traits associated to 1s. stressed 7s become pessimistic, argumentative, and judgmental. more and more, they’ll begin blaming others around them for their problems, and their thinking will become more black-and-white. they’ll begin to feel the need to restrain themselves but then become frustrated with the structures and limits, and their usual vivaciousness may give way to a grim seriousness.
what enthusiasm they had for their own ideas and opinions will quickly shift into a tendency to critique the views of others; they might become short, impersonal, and impatient--with both themselves and others--attempting to 'teach' those around them why their ideas and opinions are better or correct. and under high stress, their underlying resentment will begin to show. they might begin scolding, nitpicking, and cutting down those around them with withering, sarcastic comments, and they'll adopt a 'hit-and-run' approach to conflict.
the examples of mikey’s 1 could include:
in tales of leo (s1ep19) after mikey finishes telling his story and raph says “if you ask me, leo’s not coming back because he’s afraid”, mikey--quite literally--180s on him and retorts “no one asked you!”
in return to the underground (s2ep13) mikey says don's plan to get the crystal moon back up came from "whackos-r-us", and toward the end when they’re all webbed up and surrounded by monsters, he mocks don and “his big ideas” and does a nasally impression of him
his behavior in most (if not all) of same as it never was (s3ep21); the way he snaps at don right out the gate is radiating with a 1’s anger and, more notably, resentment
in grudge match (s4ep6), he makes a very pointed dig at raph when challenged about his status as the battle nexus champion; i’ll touch on this a bit more later
mikey’s security number is a 5, so when mentally and spiritually healthy he’ll begin to show the positive traits associated with 5s. these 7s grow more comfortable with silence and solitude and are willing to be more serious; they begin to think about the meaning and purpose of their lives. an 'average' health 7 might be creative, but a secure 7 no longer wants to just consume, they want to contribute. 7s on the positive side of a 5 can finally experience satisfaction in the truest sense of the word.
they learn to slow down and quiet the activity in their minds so impressions affect them more deeply, and they become able to stay with their observations and experiences long enough to realize all the amazing things about themselves and the world around them. they can recognize which experiences have real value to them. rather than worry about making the wrong choices or missing out on the best--most exciting--course of action, 7s will simply know what to do. it doesn’t cause 7s to lose their spontaneity or enthusiasm, they just become more free to savor the moment. as 7s learn to quiet their minds and tolerate anxiety that arises, they can access the clarity, innovation, insight, and knowing qualities of a healthy 5.
examples of mikey’s 5 surfacing could include
in the unconvincing turtle titan (s1ep12) after watching the silver sentry interview at the end, while his brothers are asking questions, you can see him just kind of quietly basking in the moment instead of hyping himself or the moment up
in contrast to dipping into his 1 throughout return to the underground, while they’re on their way back home mikey pauses to take a moment to let don know “he may be a pain in the shell, but i’m proud that you’re my bro”. (this back and forth reaction to don's decisions/plans could also be his assertive type expanding in defense early on only for his compliant type to fall back to childhood lessons in doing the right thing, recognizing and appreciating that they've done that here)
in christmas aliens (s3ep1) it’s his idea to go to the children’s home, granting others an exciting and warm holiday experience rather than being concerned with his own. contributing, not consuming.
in grudge match (s4ep6) he takes the time to seek leo out at the end of the episode and thank him
there is an aspect of his 5 surfacing in what he says about leo in samurai tourist (s4ep13) but i hesitate to say that his 5 is fully in the driver’s seat; i’ll get to it when we get there
cardinal sins - 7 and gluttony
once again, as with raph and with don, mikey’s cardinal sin is more than its surface-level explanation. yeah, he eats a lot and enjoys food, but… who doesn’t? i, also, would like pie.
7s embody sunshine and joy and a boundless love for life, always curious, always excited about the next thing to come. but if you scratch those surface appearances off, you’ll find an almost desperate need to avoid pain. the cardinal sin of gluttony isn’t so much about mikey’s passion for pizza as much as it is a need to devour positive experiences, stimulating ideas and fine material things in order to avoid suffering, hurtful memories, or feelings of deprivation. 7s cope by gorging themselves. they jam their calendars with activities and adventures to look forward to, absorb interesting ideas and stories, collect material possession--all in an attempt to fill up an inner emptiness with items and experiences. we all have our ways of defending against pain, and for 7s it’s keeping things lively and positive. they must have more, so they never run out.
one of my books state that 7s are often caught in a cycle of anticipation known as 'the chocolate syndrome'. one of the most exciting things about a box of chocolates is the anticipation of the first bite (you never know what you're gonna get inside, after all). it's often less the experience itself that excites 7s, it's the anticipation OF that experience. a small example of this could be found in the lesson (s3ep13) when young mikey is teaching casey about the importance of having a battle-cry. he hypes up how having a good battle-cry will get foes to flee like cowards, and before casey even has a chance to respond, mikey exclaims "oooOOH, i really wanna see that!! come on, let's try it!". the payoff of this is, obviously, not great. but it didn't lessen the thrill of getting there.
unfortunately, due to their cardinal sin, 7s have a tendency to be the most vulnerable to some form of addiction, both due to their love for anticipation and need of escaping negative feelings. i see a lot of people going to raph when it comes to this topic (especially in terms of substance abuse), i guess because he’s the “problem child”? and his 7 wing might open a vulnerability to that but for the most part… eh. mn.
i bring this subject up in regards to mikey, however, because we actually have a brief example of it in-series.
in the big brawl - part three (s2ep25), raph and mikey pass gennosuke while wandering the battle nexus market. gen is a gambler (it thus needs be remarked that gambling can be as much an addiction as a substance), and he asks them if they want to place a bet on him winning the tournament. raph immediately turns him down and tells him to “find some other sucker” while walking away… but mikey hangs back and asks what the odds on himself are. once he gets those odds he says “i gotta get in on that action!” and asks raph to help him out. raph proceeds to grab mikey by the arm, tell gen to fuck off a second time, and physically removes mikey from the interaction. you might remember me saying back in raph’s post that raph, being an 8, might be the most ‘world-wise’ out of the four. he sees this for what it is, what it could be, and he’s gently peeling mikey away from it.
and as before, let’s look at the other sins in the circle. mikey’s 6 wing, 1 stress and 5 security would give him: fear*, anger, and greed respectively.
*i mentioned in raph's post that seven of the enneagram’s cardinal sins are in line with the traditional ‘deadly sins’; 3s and 6s are the exceptions, with 3’s cardinal sin being deceit and 6’s being fear.
same as it never was with a touch of darkness within
before we dive in, let’s pause to examine 7s at their healthiest and unhealthiest. at their healthiest, 7s can be described as: joyful and satisfied, anticipating and enthusiastic, realistic and productive. at their unhealthiest, 7s can be described as: insatiable and escaping, manic (depressive) and reckless, overwhelmed and paralyzed.
mikey is kind of unique throughout the series in that we don’t really get a lot of heavy episodes with him that would latch onto his more stressed state of mind and drag it out. at least, not in the way that we do with his brothers. sainw, unsurprisingly, is when we get to see a version of mikey in his worst state, and i think there’s a lot of interesting things to examine here with his enneagram type in mind, one of which will carry into the next section.
right off the bat, something to notice about sainw!mikey: he is the ONLY person who doesn’t greet our don warmly. april hugs don. raph also hugs him (that 2 shooting to the surface for a split second). leo’s smiling widely, and he sounds relieved. but mikey? it’s "where the shell have you been?? how could you just abandon us like that?!". it's instantaneous, and he doesn't hesitate to take it a step further, because the first thing he decides to do after is take don to master splinter. that's exactly how he words it, too: "i'm taking you to master splinter". ...--like, i need you to realize how cold of a move this is in hindsight. because script-wise, it's obviously there to do an emotional reveal not just to don but also the audience. but in character context?
this master splinter died after don disappeared. which could mean that his death is information sainw!don doesn't have. but whether it’s our don or sainw!don it doesn’t matter, because mikey presents this information to don much like you drop a bucket of ice water on someone. he takes him to splinter’s grave. it’s not gentle, it's not kind, it’s harsh. as though to say: you left, the team didn’t work, and look what happened. i want you to look at it.
as i said in the stress section--as well as back in don’s post--mikey is leaning hard into his 1. the gang's all here: we got cutting remarks, we got 1’s cardinal sin in anger (resentment), we got blame, we got grim seriousness. i think we can go a bit deeper into the fact that don ‘abandoned’ them, too. for that, we need to look to the darkness within (s3ep14).
jenn (@/plantdonut) brought this to my attention a while ago; i don’t remember the context of the conversation, and i’ve searched our discord chats to no avail--i can only assume she mentioned it during a call. but her point stuck with me, and it will be heavily pulled from in the next paragraph.
mikey’s nightmare in the darkness within features leo joining the lovecraftian entity and attacking him. looking at the themes of each of their nightmares: don’s centers on loss and helplessness, leo’s was about failure, and raph’s was giving into his worst self. mikey’s seems to be about betrayal. it’s an interesting one, because i don’t think the boys have really experienced real betrayal up to this point. their companions have always been their companions, and the people who have 'turned on them' to some degree never fully gained their trust in the first place. but what’s one of the things mikey seeks out when he needs distractions? comic books. superhero comic books. a genre where betrayal is almost laughably frequent and expected to the point of parody. the concept of being betrayed by someone you trust or love is no doubt hovering around in mikey’s subconscious. he already thinks of himself and his brothers as superheroes--he IS a superhero. so, here in this nightmare, he’s experiencing his first "real" betrayal.
and it's not lost on me that... out of the four of them who almost joined the foot? leo. leo’s the one mikey’s having the nightmare about.
take this knowledge and move back to sainw. don disappearing on his family, in a time when mikey needs him most? …that’s a betrayal. sainw!mikey’s world is not only crumbling around him, but if we were to assume that his deepest fear is the same as our mikey’s, then his worst fear has also come true: someone close to him who he loves has betrayed him. don left. the team didn't work anymore. splinter died. raph and leo separated, they "aren't with anyone" anymore.
i think the only smile we get out of sainw!mikey is after don pleads to leo and raph to help him, and leo and raph shake hands. just this... brief blink-and-you-miss-it smile. it's so fleeting.
sainw is probably the most blatant example of mikey’s 1 being active, but there is one specific example we get with our mikey.
mikey beat raph that one time aaaaand uuuh--
originally this was going to be a part of the season four discussion, but it became its own thing. i don’t think i’ve ever seen anyone really take note of this, let alone acknowledge it, either. but me sitting here and putting everything through an enneagram filter while rewatching episodes made a light go off.
for starters, i need to reiterate what i said back in raph's post in the season four section: i don't agree with master splinter when he says that all of the boys except leo have healed from their wounds after defeating the shredder. i know what was more a script-thing to emphasize the journey leo's going on, but i really need to restate that i think all of the boys are on the unhealthy end of their enneagram spectrums. their stress numbers are present and active, and this is going to be one time, i think, we see our mikey lean into his. with intent.
grudge match (s4ep6) feels like the episode where the change in leo’s demeanor is beginning to have an actual effect on the family unit. the first three episodes of the season were more an adjustment and ‘’’healing’���’ period in their post-shredder lives, the fourth was leo and casey, and the fifth episode we can see leo's change isn't going away but the 'ripple effect' hasn't quite kicked in yet. it's grudge match when raph begins confronting leo on his shift in attitude and don remarks on the increased intensity of the training.
between the end of the battle nexus arc (s2ep23-26) and grudge match, mikey will sometimes boast about being the battle nexus champion (as is his god given right), and i think it's fair based on dialogue and his family's reactions that he does it off-screen, too. but.
the only time (i'm pretty frickin sure) he brings up that he beat raph is at the very, very end of the last battle nexus episode (s2ep26) and right here in grudge match. it’s no secret that mikey enjoys playfully antagonizing his brothers from time to time, and that he has a tendency to target raph with shenanigans and teasing. but the exchange in grudge match, both due to context and the energy feels… different.
at the end of the big brawl - part four, raph says mikey won on a technicality. to which mikey responds "um. TECHNICALLY, i kicked your sorry butt in one of the bouts. remember?". the energy and body language behind it is much more passive, playful and, overall, good-natured. raph doesn’t respond to it well and tackles mikey to the ground (this would be the first time leo and don are learning this specific information as well), but i think it’s safe to say the remark from mikey was meant to be more competitive ribbing than it was anything else. in grudge match, though?
before this exchange even happens, raph’s temper is already set off--he’s not starting from a more neutral, calm state like he did at the end of the big brawl. leo's insistence on more intense training has him heightened, angry, and wound up. mikey uses his win as a reason to blow off training, and this just fans the flame. raph challenges mikey's status as the battle nexus champion and states he won on sheer, dumb luck. and when mikey says “well, if i remember correctly, i beat YOU fair and square”, he doesn’t just physically lean in once, he leans in twice and that second lean is to emphasize the 'you'. we don’t get to see how raph responds because master splinter interjects, but given that immediately following mikey’s remark don visibly winces, states “ooh i don’t wanna see this”, and removes himself from the space? i think it's fair to say the result would have been... explosive.
8s are competitive. and when it comes to their competitive nature, it’s important to remember they hate losing more than they love winning. winning is good because it cements their capability, but losing is awful because it risks affirming their basic fear. 8s believe they'll be okay so long as they are strong and in control of their situation. i think raph’s feelings toward his loss go beyond just the fact that he lost to mikey. it’s less that he lost to mikey… and more how he lost to mikey. because mikey beat him not by out-fighting him, but by drawing out raph's temper and letting it get the better of him, wear him out, and ultimately be his own undoing. in a way, raph didn't lose to mikey, he lost to himself. and he did that publicly. this wasn't in the privacy of his own home during a training session, or a one-off with some purple dragons in a dark alley-way. this was public. with thousands of eyes watching. when he realizes he lost in that episode, raph says the line "i'll never be able to live with myself!" and while it's most likely dramatics, i feel like there's just the smallest sliver of truth to it. the fact it was mikey, at the end of the day, doesn't really matter. he lost agency to his temper again.
i’m bringing all of this up to say that: given the atmosphere of ‘the room’, raph’s already heightened state… this was a very bad time to dig the knife in, and mikey did it anyway. much like sainw!mikey chose to break the news of splinter's death to don in a harsh way, mikey’s choosing to defend his status in a harsh way. this could easily be an example of that 'hit-and-run' tactic i mentioned in the stress section; mikey's hitting raph with something he knows will further set him off, possibly as a way to redirect his family's frustration with him onto someone else. but, master splinter sees through it. he interjects and keeps attention focused on mikey before raph has the chance to explode.
now. i think it’s more than fair to say that mikey would know raph hates losing and that his temper is a strategic weakness, considering their fight in the battle nexus showcased he knew exactly how to work raph into being his own worst opponent, defeating him without even touching him. but remember at the beginning of the post where i said there's a bit of a disconnect between them, as their only link in the 7 is through a wing rather than a core number?
mikey may know that this is a dig at raph, but it is possible he doesn't know how deep it runs or that raph losing his temper isn't JUST a strategic weakness, it's directly tied to an 8's fear of being controlled/losing control. mikey may not know it was a bit more targeted than he intended it to be, but he doesn't pause or slow down to consider this. the 5's not here right now, the 1 is.
the first half of season four, for the last time
i’m certain there’s already been some observation about mikey and leo’s relationship throughout the first half of season four, and how--out of the brothers--mikey is the most attentive toward leo’s shift in attitude. it’s also interesting to see mikey’s assertive core and compliant wing sort of swing back and forth. i’m both going to talk about mikey’s interactions with leo, here, but toward the end, also his interactions with raph.
as discussed in raph’s post, in cousin sid (s4ep1) raph at first responds positively to leo’s shift in attitude and goes as far as to make a joke he probably shouldn’t have (ye ol' 7 wing). leo turns on him, but mikey gets between them and shuts the interaction down before it can become anything bigger. and, be it for leo’s benefit or his own, he takes charge of getting raph somewhere he won’t be a danger to himself.
in the people’s choice (s4ep2), mikey’s the one who pauses when he notices leo’s not following them to the mill and asks if he’s coming or not. it's a small moment, but he wanted leo to be included in their fun adventure.
as i said in leo’s post, we get a great exchange between leo and mikey in grudge match. to reiterate the exchange:
leo: …no. like pushing yourself beyond your limits. to a place where there are no limits. to be so focused, so ready that nothing and no one will ever catch you off guard again! mikey: um. …we still talking about me, here?
7s will do almost anything to avoid engaging in painful emotions, so when mikey picks up on the fact that leo’s projecting he points it out indirectly. leo doesn’t engage with this observation… so, mikey defaults to making a joke that he could still forfeit. but, as with this episode feeling like the first time leo's shift is shown to have a ripple effect on the family, i think this is the episode where mikey starts to engage with this shift. both in regards to leo and to his brothers.
in wing and a prayer, as i said earlier, leo tries to tell mikey that they need to train so that they’re ready for anything. mikey retorts by quoting master splinter... kind of:
“worry leads to fear. fear leads to anger. anger leads to worry. …--no, hold on. fear leads to anger. anger leads to hate. hates leads tooooo… a dark and moody leo”.
that pesky 7 of his is once again preventing him from communicating directly, but i do think mikey is trying to communicate here. and not JUST to leo. don and raph are also present, and raph even steps into frame as mikey finishes talking. they are, unfortunately, interrupted. and i hope all those pigeons are okay.
in dragons rising (s4ep10) while leo’s training at the beginning of the episode, he has a brief interaction with mikey (and klunk). mikey tries to ask him “how's it going?” but leo doesn’t respond and carries on. mikey then turns to klunk and states that “leo’s mister personality these days” and that “he’s getting tired of it, himself”. this could be his core's assertive type at play. it's expanding a bit, pushing what leo's going through away for mikey's own protection. but toward the end of the episode, after leo chews them all out and storms off, we see raph, casey and mikey in the back of the battleshell. raph verbally expresses agreement with leo, and mikey… kind of nods. i think he not only listened to leo, but also took raph’s acknowledgement/agreement into consideration. i think raph and mikey value each other's opinions a lot more than they let on. we have direct evidence of mikey looking up to raph (he asks himself "what would raph do?" in christmas aliens), and i'll get to raph in a second. back to mikey's handling of leo.
in all hallows thieves (s4ep12), mikey makes a leo-o-lantern. he could be trying to make leo laugh or smile or just… tap into the nostalgia that comes with halloween for them, but he doesn’t get much of a response.
when we finally reach samurai tourist (s4ep13), we have a small collection of things that have happened: mikey has acknowledged leo was projecting onto him in grudge match, mikey has potentially tried to communicate leo’s position and mental state to the other three in wing and a prayer, and mikey has now heard leo express his frustration that they keep losing and that he feels like the rest of them are treating it like it’s all a game. meanwhile, raph is still keeping leo at an arm’s length and is fighting with him and don still seems to be choosing not to engage with leo if he can avoid it.
at the start of the episode, raph and casey discuss leo's behavior. raph's irritated, and casey's treating the whole thing quite flippantly. likely getting antsy about the direction the conversation's heading, mikey makes an attempt to derail it: he jokes that he COULD be training, but it's free comic book day. ...it doesn't work, though. and the conversation continues. as the camera jumps around, mikey starts to look a little irritated, and this time he speaks up for real:
i think all of you should just lay off the poor guy. i mean, it can’t be fun. always being the responsible one? and we’re the ones who really benefit! raph’s free not to think because leo does all the thinking for him. don’s free to dream. and i’m free to take it easy! all because leonardo is busy being responsible enough for all of us!
i hesitate to say that mikey's 5 is doing the driving because he’s not slowing down to engage with his OWN negative and painful emotions. this is much more his 1 at play, taking the moment to 'teach' the others (and even if it is being triggered from an unhealthy state, he's right). it could also be a bit of that 6 wing, that compliant type, trying to be more directly 'in service' to leo rather than tap-dancing around the problem in wing and a prayer.
he acknowledges that the position leo’s in “is not fun”, which is a simple but important line coming from him because 7s will FLOCK toward anything 'fun' in order to avoid pain. this is a way of saying he knows leo’s in a lot of pain, and he then points out how each of them are benefiting from leo’s responsibility (including himself is some of his 5 engaging, as he’s at least embracing some of this guilt rather than denying it by virtue of expressing it).
unfortunately, we don't get to see the other two engage with this because leo pierces raph’s punching bag with his sword and raph starts to have an outburst. but this moment is also kinda interesting.
mikey shouts “easy, raph!” and helps casey hold him back, but don... doesn't do anything. i know he wasn’t standing close to raph, but we've seen him cross spaces in order to help hold raph back in the past. him choosing to remain where he is (and it's not that he's not animated, he puts his bo staff back in his belt) could be that continued choice to remain distanced and disengaged from this entire ~thing~. i think it’s also worth noting that raph’s 5 is active and, in piercing the sandbag, leo just broke one of raph’s resources. might help explain his aggressive reaction.
moving forward from samurai tourist, i mentioned back in raph’s post that there's a shift after mikey shuts their conversation down with how raph responds to leo’s behavior. i think, given that he values mikey's perspective and opinion, he took what mikey said to heart even if it is kind of too-little-too-late.
mikey calls leo’s outburst in the ancient one (s4ep14) before it happens, stating that he thinks “the cork’s about to pop on that unopened bottle”. this is followed by raph calling leo 'a hot-head' and stating that he hates it when leo reminds him of himself (a much gentler observation and description than saying "leo's gone mental"). …and right after this, we get a parallel to meet casey jones (s1ep4), with leo striking master splinter in place of raph attacking mikey. ( idk where else to put this, but while mikey, raph and don are outside splinter’s room listening to splinter and leo talk, and they turn to look at each other uncertainly? mikey looks to raph.)
after the efforts in samurai tourist, it’s kind of sad to see how mikey refers to leo in scion of the shredder (s4ep15). it would seem that compliant type has stepped back, and the assertive type is at the front of things again. where raph refers to leo as “a bum” (again, much gentler terms than we were getting before), mikey’s the one who asks if leo’s going to come back “normal… or, like… MORE normal. because before he left, he was acting kinda… y’know” and he draws a coo-coo next to his temple. raph promptly smacks him for this. leo attacking master splinter may have not only driven up mikey’s 1 (scathing remarks and judgemental views are active) but also woke up that fear of betrayal.
i dunno. it’s just interesting to see that AFTER mikey brought attention to where leo’s head is at, raph started to back off. and after leo took a step too close to something mikey’s afraid of, mikey’s quick to retreat back into old habits and--for the first time since this arc started--starting to throw insults in leo’s direction (and insults in the same line raph was taking from, no less). that compliant type might have been willing to step forward before and do a service to leo by bringing awareness to his condition… but now the assertive core has moved back into place, expanding to keep danger and pain away.
conclusion
as mentioned in part 1, the two books i referenced and heavily pulled from in the more enneagram-focused sections of this project (the parts where the enneagram itself is explained rather than how it applies to the turtles) were:
the wisdom of the enneagram by don richard riso & russ hudson
the road back to you by ian morgan cron & suzanne stabile
bro i straight up do not know how to top this off. i can’t believe i’m finally done with this after over a year and a half of working on it. <xD absolutely wild. and i just wanna thank anyone who took the time to read all of this, who left me something nice to say, and/or who shared it around. i really, really appreciate it. it’s obviously been a lot of work.
as i’ve said throughout the other posts, should i return with more things to say i’ll make addendums and link them along as i go. but for now: it’s been fun! time to return to art and fic writing. but later. because i'm braindead as all hell right now.
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desceros · 2 months
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this got longer than i meant it to, so tldr is these young men need to increase their experience bars to catch up to vi, nobody's maxed ??? i guess?? i rambled. uh. ANYHOW; gentle reminder that the boys were not in fact raised like typical humans, they have a very tight-knit social circle that very rarely grows or changes and their outside social interactions tend to be limited to yokai and other mutants just as bizarre as they are. Vi was raised presumably pretty standardly as a human in human society, regardless of the perceived pro-mutant thing given her some flavor. Her expectations are already set, she learned all this socializing biz growing up around other people learning probably around the same time, assuming she had like-aged peers as a kid- doubt that's been considered but if she's written to be neurotypical-coded then that's probably a fair take on her formative years. The boys did not get this social interaction with humans in public spaces and navigating relationships; even homeschooled children get outside to play with the neighborhood kids. They didn't even have yokai until they were 15. April was it until then. She's not exactly typical herself, either, so that's not much opportunity to learn how to treat people properly. all this to say, Leo and Donnie are both making the sort of mistakes you tend to make as kids, when it's less consequential because there's no predetermined expectation. I saw in another ask, Des, you said the bar couldn't be lower and I feel like that was true from the get-go with these boys; Vi's not just the best friend or love interest, she's also probably one of the, if not their very first human friend since adulthood (and no I do not count the Jones pair; one's feral ninja crazy and the other is apocalypse boy wonder, neither raise that bar, i will die on this hill). The boys are both learning character-building life lessons here. I for one am gonna be rooting for Leo to bounce back just as much as Donnie because these are not bad people, just inexperienced dum dums and I for one enjoy watching character growth in progress.
i'm really in a glass house about the Wow This Got Long tirade so you'll have no slings nor arrows from me, lmao
so, in symphony, i've tried to show that there's kind of a. hm. sliding scale of socialization that's happened with the boys. allow me to ramble on in detail since i know it's one of those things i've been perhaps a bit too sneaky about:
on one end of the spectrum, you have mikey. he's the one that goes out to the grocery store while dragging donnie along when he can, he makes friends that come to the party, etc. he's basically integrated at this point, as much as one can be as a ninja turtle that grew up in the sewer.
next you have leo, who i suspect talks to people and interacts with them as the face man, but he's still very sheltered. his sheltering, however, is by choice. hes not very interested in getting to know them. he's very closed off and protective of the hamato secrets, so he doesn't let people in. not unless they're useful.
next comes raph. i think early on, after krang, he probably tried to integrate. but he's, yknow, a huge-ass alligator snapping turtle mutant. he looks scary, and he's aware of how it comes across. he has a lot of encounters where people assume the worst of him. there's one line in chapter 14 that illustrates his stance on the situation, and how he's basically given up hope on the idea of integration:
“Honestly? I dunno. For years, we always lived in the shadows, never lettin’ humans see us ‘cause we didn’t know how they’d react. And now that we know, I wonder sometimes if we shouldn’t just stay down here.”
and finally, at the far end, we have donnie. if it weren't for his touch-aversion, i think he actually would have been next after mikey to integrate. we see him in the show going to april's school in the daytime in just his hoodie, talking to humans easily, and he's comfortable wearing pretty shitty disguises to go topside. but in symphony, because of his trauma (some of which we haven't explored yet i am so, so sorry to tell you), he self isolates so he doesn't have to Deal With People. crowds in particular are a No No, and the boy lives in new york. crowds are kinda hard to avoid. and you are correct! this has been detrimental to his socialization. he doesn't know how to communicate his needs to people. he never had to learn how.
but that's what's so... delicious about writing this fic for me. donnie having to grapple with the fact that he has to meet viola-chan in the middle, and viola-chan grappling with having to meet him in the middle. he needs direct, specific language. she needs authentic, affirming language. they're not mutually exclusive. but they are something that needs to be practiced, and hhhhhh. it's just so much fun to iron out!
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feedthefandomfest · 2 months
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Hi, I absolutely love this project and all the ideas but may I suggest an addition? I've seen a lot of posts trying to help people to comment, with the dos and don'ts, different ways to comment etc. but I have never seen a post on how to reply to comments as an author. Yet I've seen a lot of authors express that they don't actually really know how to reply or feel insecure about it.
So if we want to foster a fandom space that's more about community and less about content creators and consumers, maybe some resources about replying to comments might also help?
Ooh, yes. There are a few scenarios that come to mind where I commonly struggle in replying to comments:
just as a story that stirred up a tornado of amazing emotions makes a comment difficult to compose, a COMMENT that stirred up a tornado of amazing emotions makes a reply equally difficult!! how to express the jumbled joy and gratitude and excitement and and and
i find myself tone matching the comment? or trying to? only if the comment has a tone or style that i feel awkward utilizing, i'm afraid that awkwardness is coming across, and not in a charming way (ditto for feeling self-conscious if my reply is longer that the original comment. which... makes no sense?? it's like i'm afraid of coming across as desperate or something and i'm trying to play it chill 😂 THIS MIGHT JUST BE ME. I TEND TO OVERTHINK THINGS)
it's a WIP and i feel guilty for not updating in awhile, so my avoidant personality quirks hamstring my ability to reply... it's like i feel undeserving of the kindness? or like i use the comment to bargain with myself--go make progress on the WIP and then you can mention that in your reply!!--and then i fail to make progress and the bargain falls apart 😅
as a writer, i feel bad if my replies to different comments sound too similar. as though similarity = insincerity. OR like when you're drafting and you're like OH NO can't use that particular word/phrase because i just used it in a recent paragraph and surely others will notice the awk repetition and deem me clunky 🙃
very rarely, there are comments that make me feel shitty, often through some thoughtless phrasing (I truly don't think any of them intended to hurt my feelings), and so I'm left in the strange position of wanting to defend myself/my fic while wanting to avoid confrontation because i hate confrontation while wanting the commenter to be aware of how they might word things more sensitively in future while fearing i might alienate a reader when i need readers to LIVE 😭
Looking back on this list, it's very possible these are all manifestations of my very particular quirks and idiosyncrasies and whatnot, but it's also possible others are struggling in similar ways so I'm gonna post it anyway.
Any other aspects of replying to comments that writers struggle with? Any tips or tricks for how to reply to comments in a way that fosters community?
I'll start working on my own list of how I navigate the issues described above. Because I DO reply to comments and think it's so important for nurturing fandom life and inviting goodness into your own life.
Not to be too sappy but one of my best friends started out as a rambling raving commenter. One of those every chapter rambling raving commenters (the GOOD STUFF 🤌🏻), and I replied in kind, and then he found me on tumblr, and fast forward just shy of a year and he's one of my top precious people.
Posting fic, reading someone's fic, commenting, replying to comments -- all of these are weirdly intimate acts, in a way. Hence the awkwardness? Depending on the fic, it's like "hello, this is the product of my brain and my fingers touching the keys, and i may or may not have poured my heart and soul into it." and commenters who may or may not detect such things sometimes have the wherewithal to reply, "it was beautiful. wonderful. i loved it." and then what do you say? "thank you" doesn't feel adequate at all. AT ALL.
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julietasgf · 2 months
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first of all I love long answers, so no apologies in fact I'll apologize because I plan to ramble on.
I also love the movie but I have so many problems with how little we were given of the Plinth family, that they didn't fully exploit Marcus and Sejanus relationship and the sandwich scene (no ironically I have so much to say about that I may do another post explaining in depth why I hate how they executed that scene) so I feel you buddy
Yes I also think it was a bit of an unnecessary change in that regard, I'm not complaining at all about a scene of Coriolanus crying while looking at a picture of him and Sejanus together, it's cute to see him that pathetic crying and my heart was broken bc we could see again that Coriolanus means the world to Sejanus and yet that happen, but still I think it's more interesting, dramatic and hilarious to witness Coriolanus frustration at seeing that there's a picture of Marcus, of all the people.
Is someone else and NOT HIM, THE ONE THAT INSPIRE SEJANUS. Like as a snowjanus fan Im more into that shit of Coryo in denial screaming and thwroing bc ITS NOT HIM. But thats probably only me /j
You summarized very well many of the aspects in Marcus and Sejanus relationship that drive me crazy. I also belive they had such an unique relationship in the saga, Im so angry bc the movie dont fucking explore them in depth.
AND I AGREED WITH EVERY WORD YOU SAID ABOUT SEJANUS, THAT MOMENT OF KIDNESS IN THE END IT DEFINED HIS CORE, YEARS LATER HE MADE THE CONSCIOUS DECISION TO BE GUIDED BY THE ONE MOMENT WHEN A STRANGER OFFERED HIM HELP AND COMFORT OUT OF COMMUNITY AND EMPATHY.
Yeah it's obvious that much of his character is ultimately shaped by his mother, but he makes a very conscious decision to live by that interaction, to decide that if no one else is willing to make that selfless gesture, he'll be the one to take care of it. Even if the world tells him he's crazy and wrong for going in that direction.
About Marcus I agree that he probably thought that and it makes me so sad because I can't help but wonder what it was like for him, again I know in the book they mention they were more classmates than friends but I don't know, childhood in itself seems to me a stage where you tend to connect deeply with others as you are not yet fully aware of the barriers, and while I can see some classmates already having reservations towards Sejanus because of what Strabo had done and what their parents told lf Plinth family, it seems to me it shows that Marcus was not one of those kids.
So I like to think he thought in his own way about Sejanus. About how nice he was despite the nasty reputation that was forming of his family until finally Sejanus moves in and people tell Marcus that the Plinth's are traitors and other terrible things.
How to reconcile that image with that of the scared little boy he helped and thanked him deeply for it? I think it takes years (and the games ultimately help deepen the rift because Sejanus is safe and they in the district aren't) for him to come to that conclusion.
Then Marcus is reaping and it must have been painful and horrible to see Sejanus standing behind a fence, in an expensive and extravagant uniform, trying to offer him a very hearty sandwich. We know it is a gesture of help and comes from a place of compassion but god I can also see how it is at the same time a kind of cruel mockery.
Because Marcus is going to die and he doesn't need a sandwich, or an apology, he needs to be taken out of there, he needs to do not be killed and forced to kill others. So it makes sense his resentfulness will grow, also the image of Sejanus in his memory as his classmate who did wear a nice suit more expensive than others yes but still was from district 2, still live and suffer the war with them, was destroyed, now he can only think of this Sejanus totally capitol from his eyes, a fucking traitor in a red like blood uniform.
Marcus must have been totally hopeless... We know the people in the capitol saw him as a possible winner but I don't think this was his vision. Like the rest he was a scared kid, probably resigned to his death.
He could not give in to ask for Sejanus' help, to take his hand because what would that mean? That he too would become a traitor, that he was not loyal enough to his family and community? He did not want to die with that weight on his conscience and also facing Sejanus sounds anything but helpful.
He doesn't even know from the sandwich act if Sejanus is the same. He already looks different. What if he turned into one of those whimsical, conceited children? Will he be able to stand talking to him? And what could Plinth do for him? Give him a better weapon? Give him a fucking cake?
There was no point in saying anything. Nor to do it.
I believe the bombing and when he sees a way out is the only time Marcus regains hope and we know what happens to him because of that...
I love recommending caifanes songs that reminds me of Sejanus too much what can I say... And I love even more that you listen to them and see the vision. Im out of caifanes songs for now but if you can handle the trigger warning of spain spanish I can give you:
From the treasure planet the spanish dubb version of Im still here / Estoy aquí by Alex ubago. Its so Sejanus CODED. I choose the spanish version bc its a more youthful voice than the original.
I always apologize for answering too long answers, I genuinely fear being annoying for it 😭
yessss!!! in the movie, I have the feeling that excluding so much of the plinths didn't really show the impact of how fucked up it was what coriolanus did by the end. he stole a boy's whole life. he knew his parents, he knew his mother, and still, he got him killed and stole his life anyway. it's so disturbing when you stop to think about it, but since we don't really see much from the plinths in the movie, I feel like it weights much less than it should (ALSO, YES, THE SANDWICH SCENE WAS A CRIME, it was really poorly executed and another point where it seems to make coryo better imo)
it's so funny to me that scene in the book bc coriolanus says with all his chest that it shows "where sejanus' loyalty laid with". bro really came to the conclusion JUST NOW that maybe, and just maybe, he isn't the center of the world and neither is the capitol 😭 while reading I though of him turning to the camera like a the office episode plssssss (and I absolutely AGREE HELPP, coriolanus screaming crying throwing up because sejanus has a pic of MARCUS, of ALL PEOPLE)
the movie had so much potential to explore their relationship in a more visual way. I absolutely understand why storytelling-wise they would rather to explore of sejanus and coriolanus' relationship.... but marcus and sejanus are so important and interesting and UGHHHHH (and plus, they remind me so much of katniss and peeta, I've seen some parallels that DRIVE ME INSANE and I would actually kill for a 4 hour cut with scenes of them together)
AND YESSSS!!! everything regarding the districts in tbosas, everytime we see something about their lifestyle, is about community. marcus and sejanus were not even friends in his words, they were classmates, and marcus went and helped a child that was probably left out and despised by most of his classmates, and he didn't want anything in return (another thing that drives me insane is how coriolanus is quite the reverse of this; he helped sejanus out of interest, pure interest, and how this is pure capitol, while marcus is pure district).
at that point of the rebellion, the plinths were probably so despised at D2, because the way sejanus cherishes that memory is just so important to me. it's the kind of thing you'd probably forget, but he remembered marcus' name, he kept his pic and everything, and he probably talked about it at home enough for his father to know about marcus and. yk. do what he did at the games to "teach sejanus a lesson". marcus' kindness was THAT remarkable. another thing that I think abt 24/7: what was marcus thinking all this time? we never even see him talking. what were his thoughts? I would actually pay suzanne collins just to KNOW.
during the zoo scene, I felt physical pain because I could only think about how OFFENDED marcus probably felt. because, in his place, I at least would feel extremely offended. because let me get this straight: after your father betrays our district, you leave for this fancy town, with fancy clothing, and now I'm about to die, and then you come here offering me a sandwich? (also, this sets another interesting thing about marcus, he's so proud, and I'm just mentioning it bc it seems like a common trait between people from D2 in the future) and plus, he probably saw coriolanus going to talk to lucy gray for the first time at the train. okay that coriolanus' intentions weren't pure, but how marcus felt that sejanus actually KNEW HIM and didn't go to see him, but this boy who never met this girl actually went to the train station? and then his first interaction with sejanus is him offering him food as if he's an animal?
one thing I read once, and I really can't recall from where, was an interpretation that marcus never even spoke to sejanus (not even to curse him or tell him to fuck off) because it was much better to die with the little boy he knew still on his mind, kind and gentle, than to talk to the boy he doesn't know and discover how he actually changed into something marcus despised.
I also do think marcus was resigned to his death. the way he doesn't even try says a lot, even though everyone agreed that he was the tribute with the most chances. D2 is big, it's not like D12, which is smaller. what would it mean for marcus to return after accepting help from a plinth? what would it mean for him to return after 23 another children getting killed just so he could get out alive?
also, in some form, I think marcus and sejanus' dynamic as tribute and mentor as some sort of anti-lucy gray and coriolanus. they're the reverse of each other.
it's so tragic, really, that he had hope for the first time just to end tragically like that. now, I'm going to punch a wall and cry for at least two days in a corner, because marcus is genuinely one of the most interesting tributes and he didn't even got to fight in the games to be this interesting.
(suzanne collins really went HARD on creating characters this time, not that in thg she didn't, but how is almost every character in tbosas is special and iconic to me?)
and I love getting recommended songs!!! ☝️ NOT THE SPAIN SPANISH TRIGGER WARNING (spain spanish and portugal portuguese are really cousins, it seems) ☠️ first, omg, I was just today thinking abt the characters as disney songs, I'm kinda screaming that you sent me this!!! specially bc as a kid my hobby was listening to different versions of the same disney song, and I RECOGNIZED IT, but I never actually stopped to pay attention to the lyrics and YOU'RE SO RIGHT, I get amazed bc every single song you recommend I stop and stare at the wall thinking of how, actually, it makes total sense 😭
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