#like think about the whole plot of this godforsaken movie and think about things a straight person would like

[gregrulzok]

What are your top 10 favorite media, like from books, anime/manga, movies, tv series, etc (if you feel like listing multiple) of all time? Feel free if you want to write the reasons or not of why you love them....

Now THIIIIS is way different from asking me my favourite characters.

When it comes to characters, I tend to be heavily analytical and critical. When it comes to media... Well, you'll see. Whatever the case please note that these pieces of media being my favourite doesn't mean I necessarily recommend them. There's things I love with my whole heart that I wouldn't inflict upon my mortal enemy. You've been warned.

I'm also purposefully omitting some of my favourite pieces of media to shine a spotlight on ones I don't really get to talk about, or just want more people to know about (sorry, Berserk)

I'll try and keep these ones spoiler free, since I'm thinking of them more as recommendations! NSFW media will be marked with a *, but I won't go into anything explicit here. Please look up media mindfully and with discression, some of these may be triggering.

Thank you for the ask and I'm sorry for the ridiculous lengths of information you're about to witness !

Dungeon Meshi

Lets start with a safe one. A simple one. An expected one.

Yes, Dungeon Meshi IS that good.

Dungeon Meshi is a beautifully drawn manga that starts out slow, whimsical and almost slice-of-life-y, and then descents into utter madness so slowly and skillfully that by the time you blink you're in another dimension.

The world building in this series is second to none - everything makes sense and nothing is handwaved. The genuine and honest passion in the way the world feels alive is palpable, and despite its realism it never loses its magical feeling.

The characters are charming, lovable, realistic, and complex. Each of them have an inner world to tap into, each of them feels like a real person you could hold a conversation with and would WANT to hold a conversation with. Here I'll also proudly announce that we get zero (0) gratuitous fanservice, zero (0) characters who exist as a punchline, and guaranteed Sexy-Lamp Free !

The plot... Fuck, man. The plot is the most honest and bare faced look at some of the most nuanced subjects in the world (desire, ambition, love, death, survival, trauma, neurodivergence) wrapped up in a way that feels simple, grounded and real.

It also sincerely began to heal my relationship with food. I don't think I've ever seen the subjects of cooking, eating, health, weight and body diversity portrayed so well in such an empathetic, understanding and caring way in any piece of media. Body positivity is not so much a focus, but rather an undercurrent in the whole manga.

Whew ! With one objectively good piece of media out of the way, let's move on to something more unhinged, such as ...

Honestly I can't begin to imagine what kind of person WOULDN'T enjoy Dungeon Meshi. Do yourself a favour and read it.

Cats (1998)

Cats. The Broadway musical cats. One of the longest running musicals in the world, award winning, famously bashed and hated, recently revorked into a horrible film that was even more bashed and hated, the beautiful, glorious wonderful disaster of my heart - Cats.

Specifically, the 1998 film version.

...It's so hard for me to explain this one.

At some point, while watching Cats for the second time (for a reason I cannot explain), some neurons fired the wrong direction in my brain and now I have a pathological obsession, to the point where I can name each and every single Godforsaken cat in this show, including the ones that don't even appear in the credits.

Cats. What am I even supposed to say here, like, genuinely. It's cats.

Well, here's the thing - the choreography and acting direction in this fucking musical is genuinely breathtaking. It takes a few watches for it to fully click, but once it does, I sincerely believe that Cats is one of the most endlessly fascinating pieces of media to analyze. What you have to understand about Cats is that every single character (with very few exceptions) is on screen basically for the entire show. And so while you're watching the dancing in the foreground (which is beautiful on its own), every single cat in the background is just ... There. Moving, interacting, portraying characteristics that are never stated, never so much as focused on - but you can see them. You can see the kittens playing with each-other, you can see the elders gossiping, you can see small bits and gags you won't catch your first time, or second, or fifth. You can see how rowdy Tumblebrutus and Pouncival are, you can see how excitable Electra is, you can see the quiet dignity of Coricopat and Tantomile, the friendship between Jellylorum and Jennyanydots. There's always new little bits of background characterisation you can catch, pretty much regardless of how many times you've seen it.

In that way, Cats is feels the most alive, the most ever changing and evolving. I'm completely enraptured by it and if you do want to watch it, I recommend watching it as many times as you can stomach, because your first time through it'll glide right off you like water off a duck.

Chainsaw Man (Public Safety Arc)*

The first time I finished reading Chainsaw Man, I stared at my phone for a straight minute, then started sobbing. The next morning, I drank alcohol for the first time.

I wish that was a joke.

I'll admit I'm not up to date on the second arc of Chainsaw Man - it honestly got away from me a little and I'm not entirely sure I'll be finishing it.

But that doesn't take away from the fact that the first arc is one of the most tightly written, beautiful, emotional stories I've ever read.

Sure, it's fun and funny. Sure, it's cool in it's action scenes. Sure, the art direction is absolutely breathtaking. Sure, the character design and worldbuilding are interesting and detailed.

But at its heart the core appeal of CSM, to me, is the way it speaks about trauma, abuse, assault, isolation, fear, and desire. Chainsaw Man is painfully down to earth in a gritty, real way, and while it is extremely dark, it's also uplifting and hopefull in a way a lot of dark media isn't.

Chainsaw Man makes you feel tiny, helpless in a massive world. Chainsaw Man puts you up against horrors both tangible and fantastical, and then it looks you in the eyes and says "Hey. You aren't weak. You aren't useless. The world is scary, the world is cruel, the world is harsh, but that doesn't mean you can't fight it. That doesn't mean there isn't hope".

I really don't know how else to describe it without going into spoilers. It's genuinely moving.

Arcane

Arcane is a beautiful tragedy that has no right being as impactful as it is for being a goddamn League of Legends adaptation, of all things.

The art direction in Arcane is absolutely insane - Taking a page from Into the SpiderVerse (which is another favourite of mine), it blends 3D animation with a 2D-esque art style and fully 2D effects to bring what I genuinely believe to be one of the best looking shows in the world to life. And that's not all !

Arcane is infinitely nuanced. Between it's multiple plots it introduces many, many characters, all of whom have their own wants, needs, goals, ambitions, fears, flaws and trauma, and it clashes them together beautifully. Nothing in Arcane feels like an afterthought to me, I think the most fantastic thing about it is how expertly it weaves all these different storylines together. Everything ties into something else, everything affects something else, the story changes based on every little movement of our main characters and by the time it unfolds you realize that there's nothing that could really be done to change it because EVERYTHING lead to this.

It's a tragedy in the best way possible.

Attack on Titan

I don't care what anyone says - Attack on Titan is one of the best Anime ever put on screen.

I am a person that grew up in a colonized, war-torn country. Part of our land is still occupied, and our occupants are currently seeking refuge in our city and acting like this is their vacation resort. My people have been marginalized, demonized, dismissed, our culture has been erased and we have been fed more propaganda than I can count.

And I say this because I think being in this situation lends me a pretty good perspective of what AoT is:

Propaganda. The first two seasons of Attack on Titan are literally an extended propaganda film, meant to trick and decieve the viewer into siding with the protagonists, and dismissing their enemies as mere monsters.

If I go any deeper into that statement, there will inevitably be spoilers, so I'll cap it off with this:

There are no easy answers in war. There are no heroes and no villains, there are no good guys and bad guys, and there are no winners. There is only deception, control, and death.

I've never seen a piece of fiction capture the true, real horror of war quite as well as Attack on Titan does.

Death Parade

Everybodyyyyyyy put your hands upppppp

Death Parade is the show I go to rewatch when I have nothing else to rewatch.

It is a soft, yet painful look at human nature. It's an exploration of what makes a person good or bad, and whether such things even exist. It brings into question the very nature of humanity, whether there's such a thing as being good or bad, whether our character is formed by our circumstances or our behaviour, and how those things should be judged. It asks what it means to have emotions, to have feelings, and how your own personal emotions and biased factor into how you assess other people - whether it's more unfair to judge someone objectively without empathy, or subjectively with your own narrow, biased worldview.

All of that wrapped in a beautiful aesthetic, and a somber, subtle love story. Not even necessarily a romantic one - just pure love.

Highly, highly recommend.

Oyasumi Punpun*

Oyasumi Punpun is the most direct, honest, unfiltered, unbiased look at a human being's psyche I've ever seen.

It's also one of the most triggering bits of media on here, so proceed with caution.

Oyasumi Punpun follows the life of a single boy from his childhood, through his adulthood. Every single hardship, every single setback, every victory, every memorable experience, is shown to us through the lense of his own eyes. His childhood innocence, his teenage cynicism, his adolescent hopelessness, his own naivete, his own trauma, his own biased colour the way we view the world around him.

It genuinely makes you feel like you are wearing his skin and living his life through him.

Its disturbing, uncomfortable, dark, scary, and it's funny, hopeful, and just plain bizarre.

Great Pretender

Alright, back to light-hearted things !!!

Great Pretender might be the funniest show I've ever seen, to me, personally. Its bright, saturated, expressive animation compliments the absolute insanity of this show perfectly.

The most basic premise is that Great Pretender is about two con artists desperately trying to out-con each-other, and then it all goes downhill from there. It sets up so much of its payoff in such tiny little ways that by the time I got to the end I'd be beating myself up for missing a completely innocuous detail like a characters fucking watch, because it was actually a hint towards the overall plotline.

Its clever, it's funny, it keeps you on your toes, and it can be genuinely heartfelt and delightfully homoerotic to boot !!

It's absolutely worth the watch. Please give us season two. Please. PLEASE.

Dark Heaven*

Dark Heaven is what I'd recommend to someone if they told me they liked reading BL.

As a gay man in an interracial relationship, I've yet to find a piece of media that is quite so open direct, brutal and honest about the kids of issues that gay people, people of color, and people in interracial relationships can face.

To that end - it's extremely triggering if you're sensitive to those particular topics, as well as some other things. I'd very much recommend looking up a list of triggers first if you want to read it because it does get very, very dark. (And very NSFW). (Right from chapter one)?

But yeah - Dark Heaven is a beautiful, engaging, and at times very fluffy and humorous romance between two men, that is heavily overlaid with real actual issues people face every day (and some people don't face every day, but are nonetheless very real). It's honest, soft, and uplifting where it needs to be, despite not sugarcoating absolutely anything. It also does us the wonderful favour of not fetishizing gay men, not playing into weird creepy stereotypes, and not turning their relationship into something to gawk at.

And now, the one, the only, the piece of media that captured my heart and soul and will never ever let go:

Warrior Cats

Fucking Warrior Cats.

I have read every single book in the series. The series with over 100 books (depending on how you count them). Every official piece of media, I have consumed.

I've been reading this book series since I was 11. I've loved, cherished, lived and breathed it. I keep up with them to this day. I recently completed a chronological re-read. I've made OCs. I've roleplayed it in person and online - in fact I've been a mod in a DeviantArt roleplay group.

I HAVE A GODDAMN EXCELL SPREADSHEET WHERE I ANALYZE THE STATISTICS OF THE WARRIOR CATS NAMING SYSTEM

"Oh wow, sounds like the series is really good" WRONG

Warrior Cats is one of the worst written series I've ever read. It's poorly paced, it's full of plotholes, most characters are pieces of cardboard with a furry coat. It's dumb, nonsensical, inconsistent, and infuriating. It preaches the worst lessons I've ever heard, it's full of nothing but wasted potential, and I could honestly count the number of books I'd consider to be genuinely good on both of my hands.

Out of a 100. I've read a fucking hundred of these. Send help.

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I read them?

Because I'm autistic and my brain is holding me hostage.

Against my better judgement, I have such a deep and genuine love for this series, for the characters, for the content mostly created by the fans, for the world building.

And every single time one of these fucking cats dies, I end up tearing up.

I love Warrior Cats and you can pry it from my cold, dead hands.

...

And that's IT !!!

Thank you again for the ask, and thanks if you read it this far !! You can really tell which ones of these I'm currently hyperfixated on haha.

Again please practice discression in looking these up - I have absolutely no triggers, and so don't think twice about consuming really dark and heavy pieces of media. This is also why I didn't just opt to put in my own trigger warnings - because I don't know everything that could be potentially triggering, and I don't want to give off the impression that you know everything you need to, in case i missed anything.

Be careful and be safe !

#dungeon meshi #cats 1998 #chainsaw man #arcane #attack on titan #death parade #oyasumi punpun #great pretender #dark heaven #warrior cats #warriors

[piqueconcentration]

Sonny Boy Retrospective

Originally written 11/27/21

When I was very young and enjoyed things like the Alice in Wonderland remake, I remember I asked my mom what made something (I’m assuming that I asked about movies but for the purpose of whatever this is I’ll say all media, even though that is absolutely not something a child would say) “good.” I asked her because I had noticed that she usually wasn’t very fond of the movies that I liked, which I said were “good,” and I couldn’t really find much value in the old movies that she would talk about. In response, my mom said that she thought the way to tell was if the movie made you feel something. As I was, I took that definition and stored it in the important section of my brain and I’m sure I parroted it off to people who did and did not ask- this was before I recognized my own opinions.

In any case, the divide between knowing what most consider to be objective quality in any media versus just knowing that it made you feel something has become something of great import in my content-addled brain. I can say that a camera angle or shot is really cool or difficult to pull off while secretly holding the knowledge that I watched a video about something mildly related on youtube, and I had miraculously become a connoisseur of film after falling down an internet rabbit hole of people with all their own opinions, presenting them in a carefully crafted or just very loud manner. I can absolutely tell you a fun fact about a script in some movie that is considered “good” by the masses (that absolutely must be above my age- if the piece is popular among my peers, that is a big no-no) that I can’t tell if I actually enjoy or not because of all of the armchair cinema genius I have consumed over the years of lying on my stomach, arms draped over a pillow with a phone in hand.

This is not to say that I have learned nothing from the videos I have watched, in fact I hold a great respect for their creators in all learning domains- it is much more a Disputation on the Power and Efficacy of a young [My Name]- my younger self (but older than in the first paragraph- you get the idea) was due for a bit of a reconstruction in terms of my ability to form my own thoughts about the media that I present to myself. Even now, though I have more faith in my ability to actually know whatever the fuck I’m talking about, if i tried to fully separate my thoughts from the part of me that yearns for pop-culture centric admiration, I would have trouble finding the line between what I know because I know it myself and what I know because it relates to something that someone else said at me. I have not fully rid myself of the epigonic urge.

Anyway, I just finished watching Sonny Boy. As I’m writing this, I’m worried that I may have written more in the introduction than I will have written in this whole-ass thing because the surge of motivation to write after watching will have faded by the time I get to the godforsaken point; the point being: Sonny Boy is really quite good. I could say that the animation is beautiful and the music is powerful and the story is impactful but there are an extraordinary amount of anime like that that I haven’t bothered to watch, and if my goal is to get people to actually watch Sonny Boy and not just put it on their “plan to watch” list to die of neglect, I want to take a different route.

A haiku~

I don’t understand

What the fuck happened at all

But it made me feel.

I will also say that I actually understood the plot more than the friends who watched some of it with me, so there’s that, as well. Another thing: I’m usually not a fan of shows or movies that are incomprehensible- I tend to think that one of the most important challenges of the creation of these things is relaying information to the audience with as few barriers as possible (which, I’m now realizing, is super ironic, considering I’m an American who regularly watches Japanese television in Japanese with English subtitles, not to mention the state of the translation of the show in question, which I’ll get to later), while it may have been one of my favorite shows at the time, it is difficult for me to look back fondly on the last few episodes of Neon Genesis Evangelion because I don’t really feel smart enough to either form a satisfying interpretation or piece together the jumbled information, gorgeous as it may be.

Sonny Boy, like many anime, is about high schoolers. The similarities with the other anime that I have seen mostly end there. One day the school is transported- actually, no. I think, honestly, it’s best if you go in blind. The sheer number of concepts -ideas that I hadn’t thought anyone would have the literary courage to expand upon- that are introduced is immense. Each episode feels like, at their least intense, an invitation to look back at your mind and your comfort zone- a philosophical stroll where you can choose how deeply you want to explore the themes through your own level of engagement. At most intense- a stupefying accusation where, in my case, my sentence was to sit in silence for several minutes after the episode ended, mind completely caught up in that painfully perfect outro song.

In all honesty my personal high school experience, externally, wasn’t that bad- there wasn’t really any social hierarchy at my school, I had a lot of good teachers, I found some really wonderful friends; but if I’d had bullies or social trauma or if most people actively disliked me instead of just thinking I was awkward and leaving me alone- I think Sonny Boy would have made me bawl my eyes out (it did get pretty close regardless). I don’t usually cry that often, but if you do, tread with caution.

It’s difficult for me to judge the show by comparing it to others, though, and I think that has something to do with its structure. Each episode is layed out/edited, it seems, not with narrative cohesion or continuity in mind, but with the flow of the emotions that it attempts to evoke. Scenes happen one after the other, but the first may be in the “present” and the next may be a memory, or a shot from the future. Honestly, using the word “present” doesn’t feel quite right because there often isn’t a continual flow at all- past and future and middle occurring side by side in seemingly random order. But it isn’t random. Somehow, I have no idea how, the editors or storyboard artists or whatever -I don’t know how it was made- put the whole thing together without making it feel jarring or really that disorganized, there’s just a shift from perceiving the show as a sequence of events to a strung-together series of feelings where, at the end of the episode, sometimes it makes sense and sometimes it doesn’t.

It has some problems. Usually I can’t really comment (thankfully- I’m conceited enough with scripts in English) on anime scripts and dialogue because I can’t understand Japanese aside from your usual anime and manga phrases/words that are repeated ad nauseum. In this case, I will only say that the official English translation (for the subtitles- the show probably wasn’t popular enough to warrant a dubbed version) is not good when compared to the ones for most other seasonal anime. You can usually tell what the subtitles mean, but it’s a puzzle for the audience, not the creators- words are jumbled up, there are typos and grammatical errors, many phrases are just off enough to make you think about how they were probably translated by someone who just mostly understood English, and by that point there have been two more lines of dialogue.

Also, sometimes the editing does bug me. Maybe I would benefit from a rewatch, but there were definitely a couple times when I got to the end of an episode and just had even less of an idea of what was going on than what is required to get the desired emotional impact.

Sometimes I will read a review of something, and, as a human, I tend to most heavily remember the negative things that were listed, so I’ll say this: I adore this show. It hit me like an emotional truck. It has one of my favorite soundtracks in any piece of media. It has taught me things (not entirely sure what yet, but I’ll figure that out in time- I know that I learned) about the nature of will and familiarity. One of those shows that I will absolutely recommend, but it affected me so much that I might not want to watch it with you.

I don’t know. Maybe it just hit me harder for whatever reason. I realize that a lot of this analysis has just been me writing about my own experiences, but that’s what this show did to me. I was left with not just emotion, but the desire to look back on my own life. It made me actually create something, which, for me, is the ultimate compliment. If you can get this box of raw spaghetti to willingly get up and write, you have achieved more than the majority of my thirteen years of schooling.

It also has the best soundtrack of any I've ever heard.

In short, Sonny Boy was a very fulfilling drug trip of a show. I feel like I’ve undergone a change and had an intensely meaningful experience, but trying to wrap my head around how I got there is too much for me to handle. What I mean to say is that, though its inscrutability may be a deterrent to some, it happened to give me a clearer view of the show as a whole. I can’t tell you exactly why I love it so much, I can’t tell you why it was created or what definitely happened in the story or even what it’s really about, but for me I know, without a doubt in my mind, that it’s “good.”

#sonny boy #anime #anime review #anime recommendation #writeblr #I wrote this a long time ago when I was in college #pique concentration

[jiminrings]

can we get a fratboy Jimin and good girl oc with pinning from both sides 👀 ahhhh thank u in advance love ur writing!!

cherry king

drabble week: day four

drabble week masterlist

pairing: fratboy!jimin x goody two-shoes!reader

wordcount: 3k

glimpse: "y-you uhm, you-? y'know, you like... doing that? is that why it's your nickname?"

feedback + support mean the world to me!!

“next!”

great!! the line’s moving :D

that’s only like the 87th time jimin has heard the word next and it makes him wonder how much more would it take him to bring him to the front

(it’s actually only been 14 times and jimin might just be a self-admitted impatient bitch!!!)

he understands that yes, it’s ten in the evening!!! and reasonably-large stores/pharmacies like these can have less staff at the time compared to ten in the morning

sure, checkout machines and cashier lanes could be broken down!! or they could just not be open at all

jimin gets that alright, maybe the self-checkout machines are close at this time of the night because it is ten in the evening

what’s not clicking in his mind, however is that at the exact time that he comes here

as in the EXACT time that he’s here (!!!) — there happens to be dozens of people in a store at ten in the evening, and there happens to be a grand total of one (1) cashier lane

atleast random store music would be entertaining :((( all he hears are the beeps of a scanner and the chatter of groups of people who came here

jimin was eavesdropping on some guys in front of him and he wAS invested but lmao turns they were just discussing the plot of die hard or any testosterone-jacked movie like it

he’s also tried looking at the smaller middle-aged woman’s phone in front of him who’s scrolling through her facebook feed, but quickly decides against continuing it

because what if u could see his face and when she turns it off, she’d see a college guy deeply-invested in the baloney article she was reading about how subway sandwiches are the work of the devil

so uh yeah he’s just looking everywhere besides the front, back, and the sides of him and in all angles basically

he’s,,,,, aimlessly scrolling through his instagram feed he’s already scrolled through tHREE times and his explore’s page a little too dry

it’s a good thing that jimin’s entirely sure he’s the nosiest person out of this line and no one else is trying to figure him out

might be wrong though

“cherry king?”

hold the fuck on

jimin’s eyes widen, head snapping up and clueless to the fact that he doesn’t look discreet at all, and his head-cocking’s the most movement he’s done the whole time in this store

WHO’S SAYING HIS NICKNAME?????

it can’t be a coincidence either because as far as he’s concerned, there isn’t anything named cherry king that’s being sold here

there is literally NO other plausible scenario happening here besides the fact that someone who knows him is in the store!!!!

his gaze falls to the person behind him, brows knitted in confusion until it clicks

oh

that was you?

“jimin? huh, it really is you. i thought i was losing my mind for a second.”

“y/n?”

okay maybe hE’S the one who’s losing his mind here

he knows you!! you’re the smart girl in his year who’s known for being pristine and stuff!! you’re like the good-est girl he’s ever known and heard of

.... quick question lads is that weird to know someone by

“you could’ve just called me by my name, y’know,” jimin chuckles heartily, still a little dumbfounded to see you here but he’s grateful for the interaction nonetheless

you look casual today?? like you still look like yourself but everyone else would think it’s an out-of-body experience to see you out of your pretty dresses and monochromatic get-ups

it’s you..,.. in a hoodie three sizes larger than your size with your pristine shoes traded in for socked-feet wearing slides

jimin thinks that you look like grace under pressure

“i wasn’t sure,” you smile right back and it’s the first time he realizes that there’s glasses atop your nosebridge, softening your image more from the usual composed look you carried

“how were you sure enough to say my nickname out-loud though?”

jimin questions you, bringing light to how he’s wearing a plain white shirt and is looking as relaxed as ever with how he’s dressed — his hair long enough to be put into a messy sprout of a bun

you clear your throat, the amusement bubbling in your scratchy throat

“you have yourself as your lockscreen, jimin.”

oh my gOD

he winces when you say it, eyes screwing shut in embarrassment that he whines in pain with how direct you put it

“n-no way — fuck you respectfully, y/n. i-i’m not- i’m changing it right now!!”

does he look the vainest person alive rn

the way he has a mini freakout entertains you to your core, giggles unable to be suppressed as he finds the latest-taken picture he has of dogs that he comes across with

that’s 10/10 an experience he doesn’t want to repeat again

“it’s okay. i won’t tell anyone.”

he hears you reassure and he believes you, a flustered blush on his cheek still as he coughs to make up for a diversion topic he couldn’t think of

frankly, you’re getting bored too and jimin’s the only form of entertainment you have because using your phone atm would be too disorienting

“what are you doing here, by the way?”

your head tilts in query and he’s relieved that you address something else, not being relieved seconds later when he realizes his answer

“just a little supply run for our frat. we weren’t supposed to run out of things for three more days, so this is just a lil emergency haul for awhile.”

you nod in understanding, glancing down at his basket and uh

uhm 1/4 of the space is literally occupied by boxes of condoms

....

......

jimin’s confused to why you turn silent, thinking that he must’ve gotten boring to continue talking to until he follows your gaze to his basket

NO WAY?!]>|>]%%[%]%]

“i-it’s not l-like that!!!” he crouches and immediately gets the food and the bottles of shampoo and conditioner to bury the condoms in the bottom of the pile, attractively getting more attention from you who’s ready to let it go

“i-it’s not — it’s ours — n-no!! t-they just gave me a list and i just put it because it’s on the list b-but like it wasn’t my-...”

how many more times will the universe fuck jimin up in front of the person he has a lil happy crush on

you only smile meekly, tilting your head and he thinks this is the part where you tell him how much of a douche he is

"y-you uhm, you-? y'know, you like... doing that? is that why it's your nickname?"

:O

“t-that?” jimin clarified albeit confused, thinking back to his nickname as he tries to rapidly connect the dots to not look like a fool

cherry king? that?? what do you-

WAIT WHAT

“nO!! o-of course not!!”

he almost shrieks and his voice sounds ultimately defensive, shaking his head no

why does he look so frantic

“hey, hey, i believe you! — calm down, jimin. you don’t have to explain anything to me.”

whew

fuck

but he argues that it iS the truth though!!!

but why won’t you just ask him why he’s called cherry king though >:(

you’re already content with the silence after the conversation but he isn’t, still wanting more

is it so bad that he wants redemption D:

“how about you? what are you doing here?”

you don’t answer instantly and it’s because you’re nudging jimin to continually walk, the cashier looking much more visible now as he’s nearer in line

he takes a look at the handful of things that’s in your basket —

electrolytes, hot pockets, soup, cup noodles and fever patches...?

“oh. i think i’m running a fever.”

what???

what are you doing here aLONE if you think you’re running a fever???

he’s not gonna lie about the fact that you don’t look too good

what if you pass out and no one’s there for you and all the graveyard shift employees do is put a wet floor sign around your figure???

“y/n?? what are you doing here alone then?? are you oUT of your mind??”

the panic in jimin’s voice is clear as day and you’re a little startled, instead responding to tapping him on the shoulder to point that he’s already the one on the cashier

what he does is grab your basket before he is, putting it in front of the conveyor belt because he couldn’t even wait for it to roll out

“i said i think i’m running a fever.”

jimin stops from simultaneously rummaging for his rewards card and putting his items on the counter to unceremoniously drop the box of condoms down jUST to put his hand on your forehead

“you are.”

you surely don’t think low of jimin but you can’t help be surprised either at his concern for you when this is the only time you’ve had a conversation with him!!!

“you drove here?” he asks in seriousness, sending you a look while waiting for the total amount

“walked. the airconditioning makes me even more sick,” you answer with no fuss because even thinking about car fresheners while you’re sporting a fever makes you want to gag. “let me-...”

jimin already pays for both your items in cash, getting them bagged separately as he’s not gonna take no for an answer for what he’s gonna propose next

“then i’ll keep the windows down. i’ll drive you back to your dorm.”

he grabs both your bags in one hand and uses the other to beckon you over, holding you still because it’s dark out and a fever vision wouldn’t exactly help

it’s only when he straps you in and (true to his word) puts the windows down and starts his car that you start asking

“why are you doing this for me?”

why IS he doing this for you??

jimin thinks about his answer in a second

“would you do the same for me?”

well

if you were in front of him at a godforsaken line, had yourself as your lockscreen, realize that jimin’s behind you with a fever and is by himself in a store at 10 in the evening

“of course i would.”

jimin smiles, steering away from his parking spot

“then i would too.”

( ♡ )

maybe you’re thinking of jimin

no wait you’re dEFINITELY thinking of jimin

you’re much better now and your fever’s already subsided enough for you to go back to class!!!

the whole interaction with him was three days ago and maybe your head is just full of him at this point

“are you sure you’re okay to handle this by yourself??”

jimin worries when he drops your bag to your hands, briefly coming inside your dorm to set it down

“mhmm. i’ll just sleep it out.”

“i think if you’re missing a couple of steps.”

you snort as his paranoid features, waving him off. “i’ll eat. then go to the bathroom. and then sleep.”

okay good enough

“what if this just-“ jimin trails off, his expansive mind suddenly running as he points to your chest, “stops????”

cute

“i have a smart watch.”

“would you put me as one of the emergency contacts? please?”

he’s making you take down his number without malice because jeez he’s gENUINELY worried!!!!

it may not always be great sharing a house with his frat brothers, but he knows that if he has a fever, atleast half of them would dote over him and you have atleast one who would go into hysterics!!! it’e a full package!!

“i’ll be okay, jimin. i’ll call you when i need someone to hand me my puke bucket.”

“please do. i’m not even kidding. get better now because i miss your dresses.”

o_O

uhm

“n-no i meant your usual style!! wait, not that there’s anything wrong w-with your style right now. i-i was-...”

“yeah. i miss them too. now go home, jimin.”

“you sure?”

u never really had the impulse to invite a guy to go inside your place but maybe now you do

“mhmm. drive safe.”

okay

:-)

“good night, y/n. call me whenever.”

classes were a bit rough today because you’re still easing yourself on getting back to the groove of things, but it was tolerable!!!

you’re getting your key out of your backpack when a lock clicks open a couple doors away from you, the hinge noisily squeaking

it’s jimin who leaves it, with seri who’s the actual occupant of the dorm leaning on the doorframe

“y/n—!”

he squeaks the moment his eyes land on you

your hand automatically waves, the same meek smile for him to see

“jimin.”

( ♡ )

the last interaction you had with him is still on jimin’s mind, a whole week later

it’s been bothering him recently that you know what it looks like the last time around!!!! but he could swear up and down that it wasn’t

he just feels this great urge to explain even if you haven’t asked

“oh. so we have to move out for the time-being?”

jimin clarifies with namjoon, the head of the frat, and he’s met with a solemn nod

it makes sense!!!

the house got checked today and there were mULTIPLE fire hazards!!! and it needs to be fumigated anyway under new campus protocol so it indeed makes sense

practically everyone's going home because it’s a long weekend anyway because of a holiday

and he’s not sure if he wants to take the same route.

“hi.”

jimin squeaks the moment you open your door, surprise evident on your face but not shock to the point you’d close the door on him

“jimin?”

okay maybe he’s gonna go straight to explaining

“frat house needed to be closed because of some complications, and it wouldn’t be open to us for another three days. most of the guys are coming home,” jimin clears his throat, his head down while he shyly scratches the back of his ear, “i have one, but i’m not sure if i wanna.”

oh

it’s that problem

it takes one, two seconds before it all registers in your head, nodding surely

“you can take my bed. i’ll take the couch, it’s a pull-out anyways.”

you open the door for him widely and the only thing you ask if he’s had dinner and if he’d like some

god you’re really throwing him in a loop here

it’s after a batch of your cooking that jimin’s only ache is why you were the way that you were, half-dazed the whole time he’s met you properly

“why do you never ask me?”

“hmm?” you hum as you dry the dishes that you’ve used, wanting to get it done as soon as possible so your full attention would be on him

no, actually. jimin WANTS you to pry!!

he wants you to worm your way into his privacy and into the confines of his mind

but it seems like you’ve already did without even asking.

“ask me why i’m called the cherry king.”

you tilt your head in confusion, that time playing in your head of why jimin looked confused when you didn’t continue to ask further

maybe you’ll indulge him

“why are you called the cherry king?”

jimin smiles, leaning to your couch with his arms relaxed

“we did secret santa for christmas at our frat house. taehyung thought it would be nice if he pranked me by gifting me a jar full of cherries, but i thought that was his actual gift, and i liked it to the point that i finished it in one sitting.”

tHAT’S ACTUALLY PRETTY ENDEARING

cute, even

“ask me why i came out of seri’s apartment last week.”

oh that’s.,.,. that’s a bit higher in level compared to nicknames

“why did you come out of seri’s apartment last week?”

“because seri’s the ex-girlfriend of hoseok, my frat brother, and he wanted me to return all her stuff because he doesn’t want to be reminded of his cheating ex.”

well that was definitely weighted

jimin plays with the hem of his shirt, the words tumbling out of his mouth

“ask me why i love you.”

why do you wHAT

your mouth drops open, the new position you took on the other end of the couch taking an impact on him

“w-why do you love me?”

jimin’s a lot of things but he’s not drunk tonight

he doesn’t know why he’s letting his feelings slip either, but it’s the bottomless need that he feels when he’s around you

“i feel wanted. i feel needed.”

he smiles cheerfully even if he feels shy dropping this on you all of a sudden

“not sure if you want me nor need me, but i feel welcome with you if that makes sense.”

:)

“you just make me feel loved, i guess.”

jimin looks at you for the first time since he’s opened his mouth, an equally fond look on your face

you said no words but what jimin receives is a gentle tug, your hand on the side of his face until he’s leaning on your shoulder

“i wanna know what's up there.”

he points a finger to your temple, an amused lilt to his tone, “surprise me.”

it’s an unfolding of things that was weeks in the making but months in developing, the distant glances leading you to recognize jimin in the shop in the first place

“i feel the exact same with you,” you answer honestly and it makes his laugh from his chest, his cheeks warm and his heart content

and you just wanna suspend yourselves in this moment forever

“oh! and if i were to lose my virginity to anyone at the moment, it'd be you!!”

...

....

jimin swats at your shoulder to which you only giggle at, a toothy smile on display as this is the warmest he’s ever felt

“i wasn’t kidding!!!”

you yawn when you defend yourself, predicting that you’d fall asleep sooner or later on the couch, but for the time-being, you just stroke jimin’s hair to soothe the both of you

jimin is now the furthest thing from sleepy

"what? you told me to surprise you!!"

#drabble week #jimin imagine #jimin imagines #jimin oneshot #jimin oneshots #jimin drabble #jimin drabbles #jimin au #jimin x reader #jimin x y/n #jimin fanfic #park jimin imagine #park jimin oneshot #park jimin x reader #bts jimin oneshot #jimin writing #jimin angst #jimin angst imagine #jimin fluff #jimin fluff imagine

[life-rewritten]

THE GIANTS OF THAI BL 2020 AKA SHOWS STEALING MY HEART IN NOVEMBER

UPDATE AND UPCOMING ANALYSIS NOVEMBER 2020

It's the moment I've been waiting for since the excruciating silence of Thai BLS during the lockdown. It's November, the month of thanksgivings, the month of pre-Christmas jitters, nanowrimo and the month that has finally made me realise we are so close to ending this godforsaken year. Still, most of all, November means that we are getting buttloads of shows that are about to take my breath away. This year has been such an exciting year for BLS because of the increasingly amount of companies and directors willing to produce and release different types of BLS. In this list, we have awaited sequels, delicious plotlines and shocking comebacks. But most of all we have lots and lots of romance and men. Which of these have you been waiting for? Let me know. Let's squeal about it. November is going to be so great!

Ratings: From 1 to 5 (1 being least excited to watch, 5 being most,) how excited am I to delve into these shows?

Shows already airing

1.I TOLD SUNSET ABOUT YOU/ INTERPRET, MY LOVE, WITH YOUR HEART

Genre/Themes: Romance, Melodrama, Coming of Age, Angst, Drama, Childhood friendship

Country: Thailand

Verdict: So finally I rise from the memories of poorly produced bls, and pains of bad acting, and toxic writings, and traumas of stiff actors and homophobic agendas to finally say that without a doubt. Nadao has produced another masterpiece after my other favourite (Non) BL; Greater Man academy. Nadao stuns me, and for a very long time, I couldn't understand that this was how everyone was feeling, one because I wasn't fully educated or in the know about the company, I only saw tv shows in Thailand that were produced by GMMTV and to be honest I didn't think there was anything else above that standard in shows apart from Lakorns and Movies. (I know Sacrebleu) Getting to know and watch Nadao shows has been an experience, and for BL, I am hooked and ready for what else they have to offer. The only qualms that prevent me from gushing about the show are how international fans are treated. It took me a very long time to forgive ITSAY for its subbing platform (and price range), and that's why I refused to watch it with positive feelings. After episode 2 though, I'd be a fool to hold on to resentment when there is no doubt that this BL (despite not knowing if it's a sad ending. I'd hate if it is but it wouldn't change anything) is the best BL of this year. With ridiculous, incredible production, outstanding breathtaking cinematography, beautiful and talented actors and writing so good it blows me away. Episode 2 left my heart in pieces, but in a good way, I haven't recovered from the angst.

Ratings: 4.5/5 Would have been a 5/5 if the pricing made sense but also I'm terrified about a sad ending which I won't be too happy about.

2. FRIEND FOREVER/ OUR LOVE IS SICK

Genre/Themes: Romance, Music, Coming of Age, Angst, Drama, Childhood friendship, Rich vs poor,  Bullying 

Country: Thailand

Verdict: It's a pity this show is not available for international fans. Because I think people would actually love this show the way I do. It's so precious, reminds me so much of my first ever BL Lovesick (made by the same production team so makes sense) but better. What can I say about this show, really adorable cast, actually so good on the screen, great chemistry, and good storylines that keep me hooked. I am so in love with surprisingly one of my favourite couples this year Tin and Sea. I have such a great time watching this show, and I enjoy also analysing and just piecing together some of the mysteries in the show. It's been so good so far, and I can't wait for more. The first episodes are a little slow-paced, but it gets better as you keep watching it. I'd advise you to watch the director's cut because that has all of the storylines in the episode instead of the tv version which is more censored and has a lot of deleted scenes that mess with the flow of the storyline. Still, one of my favourite Thai shows right now. 

Ratings: 4/5  I think 4/5 is a fair score just because of some confusion when trying to watch it internationally and getting the right version and I do think the story feels like a whiplash between the different styles of writing of the main two couples. Go watch this though if you haven't, dm me and I'll show you how. 

NON-THAI

3. GAYA SA PELIKULA

Genre/Themes: Romance, Drama, Comedy, Angst, LGBTQ+ Education, Contract relationship, Haters to lovers

Country: Philippines 

Verdict: Normally with verdicts, I have so much to say about a show, also when I analyse I can write essays and essays of information. When it comes to this show, I'm speechless. I'm in awe; I'm crying just even trying to explain how great this show is. How great Fridays are because of this show. How upsetting and damaged I am when the end of the episode occurs, I literally mourn waiting for the next episode the next week because it's too long. This show pulls you in, and it never lets you go. I'm mindblown by the writing of this show, mindblown by the acting, by the production, music, but most of all I have become a mess because of this meta in this show. I have cried so much because of how much I care about this show, the characters are all fleshed out, are so powerfully written, and emotionally tugs at your heartstrings whilst still educating and representing LGBTQ community fantastically. I don't know what we did to deserve a show like this. Maybe its because after years of waiting for something to finally show up and just be unproblematic and be so great with no questions, no confusions, no struggle, this show is just that. And I will be forever thankful to the whole team that brought this to us

Ratings: 5/5 I would give this more than 5 if I could. That's how much this show means to me. 

4. CHERRY MAGIC 

Genre/Themes: Romance, Comedy, Supernatural, Office drama, Slice of Life

Country: Japan

Verdict: Kurosawa and Adachi. That's it. That's the reason for the 5/5 stars when it comes to watching this show. First of all, I like Japanese romantic comedy shows, and anime, and manga. So seeing cherry magic come to life as this amazing form of that makes me so happy. Typically with Japanese BL, everything feels so serious sometimes, and then sometimes it feels too crazy and over the top. But Cherry Magic just feels like a warm hug when you watch it; you can't help your self but to smile and giggle at Adachi's adventures realising that he can read minds because he's a virgin at 30 years old. To add to that, he is given Kurosowa this incredible, amazing, wonderful non-toxic man who absolutely adores him and unconditionally is there for him. I just like what? Where do I get my own Kurosawa? Like it just feels so unfair haha. But really cherry magic is full of great acting, fantastic plot and unique as well. Every character is also written well, and all have interesting dynamics. We also have another side couple who is so funny and ridiculous but also just cute and heartwarming. I have a great time watching this show and the fact that it's ending on Christmas day? Already tells you what this show is, a gift and its a great one. 

Ratings: 5/5 I want my own Kurosawa. That's it. That's all I want Universe.

Shows Upcoming

5. THARNTYPE 7 YEARS OF LOVE

Genre/Themes: Romance, Drama, Comedy,  Mature, LGBTQ+ Representation, Internalised homophobia, Sequel

Country: Thailand

Verdict: This is a complicated show to gush about. First of all TharnType, the series in 2019 was one of my favourite shows that brought me back to this BL thing. I absolutely adore all the actors, and I also loved the storyline like I said before there's something about Mame's writing that I appreciate, I think most of her strengths is found in TharnType. Because of this, this sequel is one of my most anticipated show this year. However, I feel conflicted because I hate sequels. I hate couples having to go through the weird-ass, shallow, conflicts that just end up ruining the meaning of their previous show and leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth about the couple I once loved (Looking at you Together with me the next chapter still traumatised honestly). Enough of the negatives, Tharn and Type from the trailer looks like it's going to be a wild ride, I can even see the great chemistry that made me fall for MewGulf, and I'm so excited to see the new couples and characters. I also am so excited to see TECHNO again and laugh with him every Friday. We also know that the awaited wedding between our couple is also going to be in this show. And that's going to make me bawl like a baby. Let's hope we don't have too many toxic or troublesome storylines, let's hope we don't have too many breakups and fights (because that hurts so much seeing Mew cry) and let's hope we finally have a sequel that is better than its predecessor. 

Ratings: 4.5/5  This is how I feel about it, I don't think I can rate it as 5/5 because of all the worry and anxiety at what the storyline entails—still a great show to look forward to. 

6. MANNER OF DEATH

Genre/Themes: Romance, Crime, Mature, Angst, Drama, Mystery, Thriller, Haters to Lovers

Country: Thailand

Verdict: Think about it. Why wouldn't this be number one on everyone's list of upcoming BLS? We have the return of one of the best actors in this genre MaxTul the actual godfathers of Thai BL; we have an incredible team here with a director that has won multiple awards, with a storyline that is unique to Thai BL, we're getting crime, detective, mystery BL with mature characters who are not in university? As if that's not enough, we also have a really incredible plotline about this forensic doctor who falls in love with someone who we are not sure if we should trust because he could be a murderer! Like oooh yes please, the drama, the angst, the thrill?? I'm ready for this; I am so prepared to give my whole heart and attention on this show. I want it to be so good, to defeat the shows of 2019 that came and took our hearts away, to be the best BL ever. It's so difficult not to raise my expectations when it comes to this show when I know we have a great cast, great chemistry, non-stiff acting, and just a really non-toxic author as well. I look forward to this so much. Only issue/question? Where is the trailer? Hello WETV, where is our teaser? Why don't we know the date for when this is coming out? I want it out now. But I'll try and be patient okay? 

Ratings: 5/5 I can't think of how this show won't be good. And that's really worrying. But for now, I'll keep my expectations high and wait.

7. TONHON CHONTALEE 

Genre/Themes: Romance, Coming of Age, Angst, Comedy, Childhood friendship, GMMTV

Country: Thailand

Verdict: Podd and KHAOTHUNG, (my sun, my heart, my favourite person ever) Sorry just gushing over my two faves. GMMTV has shocked me this year with the announcement of this show. First of all, Khao gets to have a show where he's the main lead. I've been waiting for this, and I'm so proud and excited for him. Not only that obviously, but TonTonChontalee looks really good with a vibe of a  comedic spin to one of my favourite shows Theory of love. I am ready to see Podd act so stupid as Ton and at the same time sob when he finally realises that Chon is the one. I'm so ready to see Khao act his socks off, and the show looks so funny, so fun and just like the chemistry between two is definitely a winner. I cannot wait for this next Friday. And it also has Mike and Toptap! What's not to love? Seriously though I'm praying this is successful, and it helps both Podd and Khao to dominate GMMTV. Let's find out next Friday.

Ratings: 5/5 For Podd and Khaothung. Just worth the rating.

8. GEN Y THE SERIES

Genre/Themes: Romance, Drama, Comedy, Angst, 2moons Fanfiction, Haters to Lovers

Country: Thailand

Verdict: First of all 2 MOONS Reunion! What?? Very shocked to see this show tbh one because it's like a direct copy of 2moons the series; the same cast, the weird alternations to the same name, the same kind of plot as well. Channel 3 has finally decided to invest in BLs,  one of the biggest companies in Thailand, so the budget is high, the actors are known and famous, the production is good. This is so exciting to see. Also, 2moons was one of my favourite past BLs the whole time it was airing, and I had a massive affinity for Kimmon and Copter, so it's great to see them play their characters again but with a better budget and now glow up and grown. Their acting seems to have improved, Kit and Ming's storyline being the main focus is also really lovely to see. I also love seeing Bas and the other actors from other Bl series (The Moment actors) and I'm excited to know more about the new cast as well. So yeh this show has a great potential to win my heart as well, and the competition is not easy at all. But with a great company behind them and an exciting premise, this can also be a winner. 

Ratings: 4/5 I'm intrigued by this show, and I look forward to seeing what it brings.

November is such an exciting month for someone like me who just loves watching tv and analysing and just seeing romance bloom. These couples, stories and actors have a great potential to be the best things of 2020 so far, each of these shows holds evidence that they're worth paying attention to and honestly I've missed seeing Thai BLs that make me so excited so much. I've missed these actors, I've loved each and every one of them, and I can't wait to see them this month on my screen. What about you, guys? What do you look forward to? Who are your favourites? What are you worried about when it comes to these comebacks. Let's discuss.

#thai bl #bl drama #itsay #i told sunset about you #friend forever the series #cherry magic! #cherry magic #cherry magic! thirty years of virginity can make you a wizard?! #japanese bl #bl series #gaya sa pelikula #like in the movies #tharntype #tharntype 7 years of love #manner of death #tonhon chonlatee #poddkhao #gen y the series #wrpup #november #mewgulf #cwg

[jade-it-queen]

Jade. The fate of female character in Mortal Kombat

It’s been a while since I posted anything on my blog cause I’ve been busy with my life and rapid changes in it. During this time, I’ve watched the new 2021 Mortal Kombat movie as well as the new animation Battle of the realms and also rewatched the Story Mode of MK11 a few times. As you probably can tell, I have a lot to say.

JADE. MILEENA. KITANA. SONYA.

Skip this if you don’t want to read my very important (and long as sh*t) rant about female characters in MK.

DISCLAIMER. This thing is going to sound extremely feminist and women-supremacist or whatever. By saying things that I’m going to say, I by no means think that male characters should be weak or lacking. If anything, it would be nice to have some godforsaken EQUALITY. I’ll explain further later.

Part One: Mortal Kombat (2021)

There’s no Jade in this movie. 

The end. That should be the sole reason I dislike it.

However, it might be better this way since the Nitara and Mileena portrayals in this movie are... questionable to say the least. Okay, y’all been robbed. If MY JADE would be brought into this movie to BE THERE for like 4 minutes of screen time only to get absolutely brutal FATALITY I. would. be. pissed.

More than I already am and that means something.

Sure, there’s a possibility that she’s going to be present in some of the upcoming movies because this one is definitely not the only one they’re going to make. But do I want that? Yes. And no.

Mortal Kombat movies (and Mortal Kombat in general) have a problem with women portrayal in general. The target audience for them are MEN, potentially heterosexual men, who want nothing more than bloody gorey fighting scenes with occasional sex scene here and there. To achieve that, they need a female lead, an attractive, kinda kick-assish but not too much, to not overshadow the absolutely badass men characters. Girls tend to be “independent” (because God forbid they’d want to express interest in the male leads before the time is right), sarcastic, laid back and sometimes even bitchy. Because, you see, they are fighters. And they are Sonya Blade. They need NO MAN. They just need plot armor, bigger than America itself. And if they’re not Sonya Blade, they are... non existent. They are there, but they are never really there. Here, let me walk on screen for a couple seconds. Let me sit beside Very Important Male Character (aka Shang Tsung) for a couple of seconds, looking absolutely gorgeous. Let me have a fight scene in which I make choices so f*cking stupid there’s no potential explanation to it. I exist in this movie to make people that love me (this character) to come into theatres in hopes to see some good action and interesting plot.

Now, I wasn’t born yesterday, I know how the world works. It’S bEeN LiKe ThAt FoReVeR, gEt OvEr here iT. Yeah, it’s been like that forever and the result is a mediocre movie that pleases neither the casual viewer, nor the actual Mortal Kombat fan. I don’t know, there might be guys who just saw Kung Lao’s fatality on Nitara, thought to themselves “Neat” and went on with their lives. But I exited the cinema with a sour taste in my mouth, feeling like I’ve watched one of the “fighting genre” films based on video games that had nothing worth remembering. Well, besides Kano. He was my favourite part of this movie and I  normally can’t stand the guy :’D

Would it really help if they changed the way the women were portrayed? I mean - is that the ACTUAL problem of the movie? No, women being the eye candy and barely something else (if they’re not Sonya Blade) are not the only problem it suffers from. It’s that MK has been going the same route, retelling the same goddamn story for the millionth time. It’s always THE SAME. The only thing changing is who’s gonna get brutally killed. But - of course - out of the “disposable” character pool. It’s never Sonya (because you need our female lead or else there would be no female characters in the story), who ya know could be killed by Mileena but magically WASN’T. Because Mileena FOR SOME REASON was like: Ya know what? Naaah. Even though Sonya’s from Earthrealm and is actively trying to stop you. If anything, kill her because she annoys you. BUT NAH. It’s never Liu Kang because he’s the Chosen One. But killing Kung Lao is fine, he can die so Liu can awaken or smth. It’s not the main character because how else can you portray THE MAGIC OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP? Ya, that’s what I thought, don’t even think about it.

You have an amazing universe, filled to the brim with SO. MUCH. POTENTIAL. Let go of the same boring plot line and show us Kombat from another perspective. Change something. F*ck, go all feminist route and make a story center around Mileena dominating the world. Try with different versions of the same story, making it center around different character each time. 

SURE, YOU’LL PROBABLY LOSE SOME VIEWERS BUT TIMES ARE CHANGING, AND MOST OF US ARE TIRED TO PAY FOR THE SAME STORY OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Part Two: Mortal Kombat Legends: Battle of the Realms

Jesus f*cking Christ.

To say this film was rushed is an understatement. While I was watching it, I was like: TF? Everything happens all at once, we have Kuai Liang-Scorpion story line, we have Outworld’s attack, the tournament, not to mention the final fight that should be whole another movie. I felt like no story line was properly laid out, some of the characters died before I got to even know them and the battles were... disappointing. I believe they needed to push this movie out so they squished in everything they had and just went with it. 

But, again, this movie just repeats the same things as its live action version. Let me lay it down for you:

Kung Lao dies (because yes)

Sonya Blade lives (because yes)

Jade is just there (more of it later)

disposable characters are disposed of

Liu Kang is badass and always wins

You watch it and feel like you’ve already seen it before. Sure, gore is fine, human Raiden is precious and need to be protected at all costs and adrenaline is pumping (I guess).

BUT NOW.

You know what’s coming.

JADE.

JADE.

My f*cking piece of sunshine, the gorgeous goddess of beauty and kombat, the woman who owns my heart.

She’s there for like not even a minute.

Words can’t describe how f*cking PISSED I am by this portrayal. These motherfrickers put her in EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE SNIPPET OF THIS MOVIE. HER BATTLE WAS IN THE TRAILER, ONE OF THE SNEAK PEEKS WAS A SCENE OF HER AND KITANA.

TURNS OUT EVERYTHING I SAW BEFORE THE MOVIE WAS RELEASED... WAS EVERYTHING I WAS ABOUT TO SEE OF HER!!!!

THEY MADE ME HYPED UP FOR NOTHING!!!!!!

I know I’m not the only one riding this trolley. Li Mei was there just to be killed. Kung Lao had a f*cking single dialogue line and then BAM, fatality, buh-bye. But I was watching everything of this movie, being so enormously happy that I will finally see Jade in the movies, FINALLY! Only for her to be present in a single scene, get her ass kicked by Liu Kang (what’s new) and then she’s never seen again, even when the whole f*cking world is breaking apart.

Again. She’s just there. Ladies and gentlemen, one of the best Shao Kahn’s assassins, gets her ass kicked in fourty seconds. They NEVER let her speak ffs. She just spews some general villanous sh*t and proceeds to step on Johnny. Then, she just goes Observer mode as Kitana “betrays” Shao Kahn, gets tied to the column and then the world is ending. 

WHERE THE F*CK IS SHE?!

If you hype me up for her every chance you get, at least GIVE ME what you’re advertising. This is a scam. This is criminal offense. And homophobic. She is more than a revealing outfit and Liu Kang’s punching bag. I’m SO. F*CKING. TIRED. OF THIS. SH*T.

Kitana. The rebellious princess of Outworld... turned damsel in distress in this movie. Her role is so effing bad it hurts me to my core. You see her as a general being so badass and independent... oh right, we need Liu Kang to save her because he needs to maintain his hero look. And we need two kissing scenes. How do we get there? Oh, right, let him save her, because you know - that’s what makes wahmen kiss you. 

ARE YOU NUTS?!

The movie started just fine, with Kitana being in charge with her right hand, Jade. Then, obviously, they water her down and soon she is a princess in a tower (in this case, princess on a column) that needs her buffy sexy man to save her. Oh, and she can’t resist him - you know, every normal girl’s reaction to getting untied is to kiss a guy you’ve known for like a few hours but seen before and you’ve talked like three dialogue lines in total. Sure.

Kitana just gets the unfortunate role of a female main character. She’s Liu’s love interest and that makes her take the role of a strong (but surface level, only) woman who still needs her hero to free her. Classic damsel in distress story, with Kitana being the princess, Liu being the Prince charming and Shao Kahn as the dragon (lul). Of course, they try to cover this up by making Kitana a general, letting her win a few fights but it won’t matter in the end. Some say that women want to believe in fairy tales but the more I see fighting games’ lore, the more I say it’s the men who want to believe them. 

Is it necessarily bad? No. But it’s boring as fuk.

I would like to ask the directors to stop being so afraid of upsetting the target audience. Target audience can change and sometimes it comes out better than originally planned. My Little Pony was designed as a child’s cartoon but it was the creepy men who made it reach the top. Morally? Questionable at best. But business is booming, right? And that’s what they care for, right?

All I’m trying to say is these days women and gays are the future.

Thank you for today, more to come. I’m going to rant about the Story Mode.

#Mortal Kombat #mk jade #kitana #nitara #mileena #battle of the realms #female #commentary #article #mortal kombat movie

[tanoraqui]

okay I have to do this today because even I wouldn’t do it after the godforsaken finale airs, and it’s basically my specialty and I did spend like an hour thinking about it last night while washing dishes. Definitely partly inspired by @words-writ-in-starlight​‘s insightful post on everything Supernatural did wrong, and apologies in advance to all the characters for dragging them into anything related to Christian mythology:

Wei Wuxian’s parents die in a house fire when he’s 6(? I refuse to look anything up) months old

Jiangs are a hunter family I guess? That whole disaster of a family dynamic, except WWX dips out at some point to be idk an environmental activist bc at the time, that seems like the larger threat to the whole world. “Mom and Dad went on a hunting trip and they haven’t come back”, “bitch” “jerk”, 2 brothers in a beat-up old car, you know the drill

Jins are also an old hunting family, but more Men of Letters energy - they have a fancy bunker and do research and avoid getting their actual hands dirty. Jiang Yanli ducked out of the active hunting life a few years ago to be happily married to her peacock and settled down with a baby and she’s fine. We’re not going to bother Yanli. She’s safe and happy and doesn’t need to involved in any of this

so, WWX is the demon blood child developing exciting new abilities like telekinesis, mind control, exorcising demons by sheer force of will...etc, and Jiang Cheng is the Righteous Man. Lucifer, Michael, etc.

s1-3 probably proceeds more or less as spn canon...which I more or less remember...by the time they find their parents at the end of s1, Jiang Fengmian is...ugh, we probably shouldn’t kill him offscreen, I mean, we should probably meet him before he dies. I guess. Madam Yu lasts longer because I’m way more interested in her. But we do know that both Jiang parents are totally inclined to fling the boys into a metaphorical or literal escape boat and go hold the line for as long as possible, so...that’s spn energy...

Xue Yang is the one who’s like “fuck yeah, demon powers” and opens the gates of Hell, because I want him to have nice* things

*nice for Xue Yang

from characterization rather than memory, I’m 90% sure that Dean tried to hide his crossroads deal from Sam, but Jiang Cheng does it...better. I think it does come out, though. Right before the hellhounds do.

here’s where it starts to go farther off from spn canon. Jiang Cheng crawls his way out of the grave, gets stalked by a menacing presence that explodes windows for an episode, incidentally can’t find WWX...*Lan Wangji voice* “I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition” (a baller line then and a baller line now)...and then the next episode starts with them all awkwardly standing around, and JC is like, “ok well let’s go find my brother then”, and you think there’s going to be an mdzs-riffing JC+LWJ Roadtrip To Find WWX...and they’re immediately attacked by like a dozen demons

in fact, the first time we see WWX in s4 is here, wherein he goes toe to toe with an angel and...holds his own. that’s new and terrifying! also is leading a squad of demons??

because here’s the thing: for the last 3(?) months, there’s been war in hell

because unlike Some People Mooses, upon finding out that his brother’s soul was legally nearly-owned by a crossroads demon, heir-apparent-to-Satan!WWX went, “actually fuck that” and kicked open the door of Hell (metaphorically, not loosing any demons this time) and was like, “who do I have to beat the shit out of to get a specific crossroads contract around here”

this did not work, obv. He didn’t know until it was too late, Lilith had already snapped up the contract, etc. etc.

obviously he also tried to offer himself instead, and got rejected for some reason

Since Jiang Cheng died, however, there’s been a war for control of Hell. Leading one side, Lilith, the Original Babe, who wants to break all 666(?) seals keeping Lucifer bound and in the meantime, break the Righteous Man so Heaven won’t even have Michael’s destined host ready for the Final Battle. Leading the other side, Wei Wuxian, infamous upstart, who wants to rescue the Righteous Man and restore him to life, tear Lilith’s guts out through her nose, and also stop her from doing the Lucifer thing because Wen Qing explained that yes, that’s a Thing, and it’s Bad.

Wen Qing! I’ve decided to combine Bela and Ruby’s roles and let WQ be both the cool badass example of how demon deals can go Bad and the demon deliberately leading our heroes astray for most of s3-4. Wen Qing is a very new demon; she used to be some sort of herbalist/witch but then she sold her soul in a crossroads deal to cure her brother of some lingering illness. 10 years of happiness and then boom, hellhounds. WQ is so obviously competent, though, that they (Lilith, I guess?) immediately offers her a job, with the promise threat that gee, that’s a nice brother you’ve got there, even with his Designated Chronic Health Condition getting all relapse-y. It’d be such a shame if something were to...happen to him...

we find this out at some point in last s3 I guess? some Monster of the Week case involves WN as a witness or something, or possible next victim, and WQ shows up to be A Normal Amount Of Invested In This, while desperately trying to avoid actually interacting with her brother (who thinks she’s dead). YES, the truth comes out; YES there’s a tearful reunion

now in s4, Wen Ning is fine actually, health-wise, bc he maybe made a crossroads deal with Wei Wuxian personally, and Wen Qing may or may not have admitted that she’s supposed to be working for Lilith to get WWX ready to host Lucifer? Or potentially that comes out later, idk. Either way, she’s 100% his top lieutenant in this exciting Hell War they’re waging

[insert whatever the hell (ha) happened plot-wise in s4 of supernatural]

we obviously mix up the relationships, too, bc it’s like, *LWJ internal monologue* I’m too young to remember my brother Lucifer as he was before he Fell, but surely Wei Wuxian is his Heir and Destined Vessel in truth, for he is Charismatic and Charming and Makes Me Feel Things, with his Clearly Feigned Righteous Drive and Compassion for All God’s Creatures and - why does heat keep pooling in the lower abdomen of my vessel when I look at his lips, which I am definitely doing a Normal and Not-Weird Amount - I’m just keeping an eye out for the famed Silver Tongue, and not in any way wondering how it would feel in my own mouth -

it’s actually DEFINITELY plausible for Lucifer to still be released even if our designated Heir Apparent is using his demon powers to his full potential and no one’s lying to each other about their motives. You just need to let Lilith be more scary too, and especially bc by “no one” I mostly mean Wen Qing; the angels are still totally hiding the fact that they, too, want to jumpstart the shit out of this apocalypse.  LWJ decides at the last minute that that’s a bad idea actually, gets himself discorporated to send JC to intercept WWX because he accidentally releases Lucifer, etc. etc. Oh yeah, the boys were def fighting before this, bc JC has actually fairly reasonable concerns about the sort of things WWX is getting up to in his quest to become King of Hell...

SO

...I neither know nor care what happens in s5

it does end with both Lucifer and Michael locked in the cage probably, bc I rather liked that solution. Fuck both of ‘em, basically.

I was toying with the idea that WWX also found Madam Yu in whatever hellish torment she was suffering after making a deal so her idiot son(s) would survive, and she was leading forces for him in the war against Lilith as well. If she came back to life somehow, body and all, it’d probably be compelling if she offered her own body to Michael - bc it’s her lineage! - and we’re all led to believe that she’s, uh, being a bitch and actually wants to risk destroying the world in order to destroy all demons...but then she seizes back control and flings herself/Michael and Lucifer into the Pit, because she’s just That Hardcore?

which means we’d actually have had her around and having characterization for most of s4-5, too, which would be fun

More importantly, it ends with newly crowned King of Hell Wei Wuxian appointing Wen Qing as Queen-Regent and ditching to go on an indefinite honeymoon with his new angel boyfriend (they’re going to fuck for like three weeks straight, then roll up their sleeves and go conquer Heaven in the name of free will), and Jiang Cheng gets to live out his hitherto-unknown-to-himself life’s ambition to be the sugar baby of the Queen of Hell. It’s very Hades/Persephone, except he goes back down to the underworld at least once a month. He gets his own demon squad whom he trains up in all the hunting techniques and it’s gr9. Wen Qing is reforming the crossroads deal process to make it more fair to the humans.

the end

Addenda:

it should go without saying but Jiang Yanli is definitely a recurring character, like, at least once a season there’s a filler episode where they go to Jiang Yanli’s for dinner and have to get along as a family, and also do the much easier job of defeating some sort of terrible demon that gets loose in the bunker and turns the evening into a horror movie. She’s their main research/emotional check-in person, a la Bobby, more often appearing in later seasons when there’s, uhhh, more to emotionally check in about.

Jin Zixuan is actually a perfectly competent hunter; he’s just a priss and we don’t Like him

we like Mianmian, though. Oh, I guess the official Hunter’s Guild or w/e tries to declare WWX a public enemy on account of the whole “King of Hell” thing and she’s like “actually what if you’re morons and assholes?” and joins hte team in s4 or 5? Yeah.

idk how the 3zun disaster happens in this ‘verse but I do encourage it to be happening in slow motion as a recurring subplot for several seasons. NMJ is a hunter, LXC is obv an angel, and JGY is...I wanna say one of the more human monsters, like a vampire? Or, you know, something that could be born from JGS sleeping with someone/something he shouldn’t have

#mdzs #the untamed #supernatural #ficlet #my fic #spn #ugh it'll probably fuck up hte bullet points again

[moth-based-cryptology]

Oh you know what I’m gonna ask 😏😏

Fearless Taylors version ralbert vibes GO GO GO

cause there’s so MUCH that’s so PERFECT for them

THERES SO FUCKING MUCH SHDBHDHRJRJJFHRG

how does one words on this fine day at 12:42am

OK LETS GO

- love story

do i even need to- listen ok i’m here to sob about royalty ralbert aus till i fuckin die. it’s just SO PERFECT.

just lil picnics under the stars and love drunk slow dances that are really just embraces that slowly sway in a circle cause race started humming something his mom used to sing when she got around to baking and race, furious and beautiful as he yells and shouts and fights for the right to pick who he loves,,,,, and who he loves is albert. ugh end me it’s so great

- white horse

this one is for everyone else i already yelled at jorja about this

ALBERT, BUT HE’S A LIL MORE DAMAGED AND EMOTIONALLY CLOSED OFF, AND RACE CANT TELL IF IT MEANS HE DOESNT LIKE HIM AS MUCH AS RACE LIKE AL OR IF HE JUST CANT EXPRESS IT, AND OF COURSE ITS THE SECOND ONE BUT AL C A N T GET THE WORDS OUT AND IS TOO DEFENSIVE AND JUST-

RACE SPITS OUT THE LINE ‘i’m gonna find someone someday, who might actually treat me well’ AND STORMS OUT AND SLAMS THE DOOR AND ALBERT BREAKS DOWN

like he’s sobbing and throwing things and just UGH you can’t tell me he wouldn’t punch a wall

usually albert is touchy of his own accord and loves to tell race he loves him JUST BECAUSE HE KNOWS RACE NEEDS IT but can you imagine if, despite how hard he tries, albert c a n t get the words out to tell him and race is just- tired of it??? IM IN PAIN THIS IS TOO ANGSTY FOR ME

MOVING ON-

- the way i loved you

now this is a post breakup one fs cause GOD can you imagine

race and fucking w h o e v e r, cause it doesn’t matter cause it’s not albert dasilva and he’s so painfully aware of that

race and albert would get on like fire and gasoline, or like water and oil. there was ABSOLUTELY zero in between. they were fiery and passionate and so in love that it eventually tore them apart cause they finally cracked under the pressure of so much emotion

and race remembers every little thing albert used to do that irked him and ground at him until he couldn’t take it anymore, but he also remembers every angle, every hair, every wisp of air albert breathed while they were together, cause everything about them together was extreme

and he misses it, cause he feels like he floats around now, no spark or emotion or anything. ffs he wouldn’t be able to tell you if he had been breathing if it wasn’t for the fact he hadn’t died.

and yeah, the song would have to go from “loved” to “love”, cause all that never actually went away.

- you belong with me

is this the entire reason i made this post? you bet your ass it is OH MY FUCKING GOD

first of all,,,,,,, FOOTBALL ALBERT

ffs i’ve watched remember the titans too many times for this

albert plays second string quarterback, naturally, and first string gets injured on a missed audible and albert has to make the pitch he’s missed a thousand times in practice, and he’s freaking out (this is literally just a plot point of that godforsaken movie, watch remember the titans just once for my sanity)

race is in that very stereotypical band section of the bleachers, but the instant first string got injured he’s abandoning his post with the megaphone and SPRINTING to where albert is and just pushes his hair out of his eyes, gives him a very dramatic, very race like kiss, shoves his helmet into his hands and says “give ‘em hell, baby” and that’s really all albert needs

also, just like in this movie that is for some reason a really accurate portrayal of albert as a football player, he checks the shit out of the lineman on the other team that broke first string’s hand and the other team tries to call unnecessary roughness on the goddamn quarterback

anyway

- hey stephen

this is the most important one let’s be real

has race’s pov energy, but could be either. race is naturally dramatic, but race makes albert a whole new kind of cheesy and ridiculous

but are you telling me that race wouldn’t say something ridiculous like “cause i can’t help it if you look like an angel” and NOT be embarrassed by how fucking mushy it is

cause if you are you’d be dead fuckin wrong

and the thing is, it’s a very crushy, honeymoon phase type of song

but for ralbert it would always apply. they just,,,,,, always look at eachother like the heavens parted and gave them the other.

UGH i want a romance like theirs

i think that’s all i got for now (they say, like they didn’t just write a fucking novella) thank you mother goose ilysm !!!!

#newsies #livesies #never not read the tags #racetrack higgins #albert dasilva #chandler’s ✨losing it✨ #chandler out of context #ralbert #spam ralbert gang #fearless taylors version #swiftisies #GOD I NEVER SHUT UP DO I #new tag idea #shut up chandler #there we go

[jostenneil]

what are your thoughts on a member of the batfam inheriting the batman mantle?

if the christopher nolan batman movies had not catapulted bruce as a character into the international stratosphere of popularity then i really would have loved to see dc pursue a plot line where he died permanently. just for funsies. a barry allen in crisis on infinite earths if you will. just with better follow through than the godforsaken event that’s battle for the cowl. and longer lasting consequences that last at least a decade so it really sinks in. as for who should take up the mantle i think it should be cassandra. dick may be “good” at being batman but he’s never wanted to be batman and he isn’t batman. his mode of operations is very different. i don’t think jason would ever have interest in the mantle either bc similarly (but in a different way), different mode of operations. tim becoming batman is possibly the worst thing that could happen to him and he should be kept away from the position with a twenty foot pole. does he mirror bruce’s behavioral patterns and attitude with regards to missions to a fault? absolutely. that’s why it shouldn’t be him. i think damian could take upon the mantle later down the line when cass has retired, but for the time being he is obv a child. duke has his own unique identity as signal (and unfortunately i haven’t read his stuff yet so i cannot speak on him much!) and his position within gotham is fundamentally different from batman’s even tho they work towards the same overall end goal. i don’t think i need to address barbara or steph bc why would either of them want to be batman. barbara has her oracle gig that she reigns supreme over and steph’s not so willingly self destructive as tim as to wish to become batman once she’s witness to what being batman entails (not to imply tim “wishes” to be batman i honestly don’t think he ever would, but he’s like dick in the sense that he’d do it if he felt like he had to). cass is to me the best candidate not only bc of her combat prowess but also bc she understands what the symbol is supposed to stand for and bc her upbringing and experience in the world has taught her the restraint that’s integral to being batman. a lot of writers forget about that restraint but i think it’s esp impt bc bruce starts this whole thing not to wage war on crime but to protect people from crime. regardless of whatever nonsense frank miller and co. wrote afterward, the bruce in year one starts off his quest with compassion and restraint. and sure, these qualities fray at the edges over the years and that’s something often poorly addressed, but with cass i think it’s interesting bc she kind of works in the reverse. she’s brought up as this rly violent weapon by her father but she learns and embraces restraint bc of what that experience as a weapon reveals to her about the horrors of death. and i think that’s rly crucial for any batman to have in order to keep feeling grounded to something, is to have a constant reminder of how far you can go in your anger and ability sometimes and that you need to be able to keep yourself in control and to remember what death feels like and that it’s not easy, not at all. that’s why cass should be the next batman

#cassandra cain #dc #mine:meta #asks

[argumate]

my political ideology is "whatever would make the most interesting story"-ism. like the world is shit and it's always gonna be shit, the strong will always fuck over the weak etc., so might as well put on a good show about it and give our time on this godforsaken earth a compelling fucking plot line before we all die anyway, right.

from this perspective trump getting elected was pretty good, way more exciting timeline than clinton.

also revolutions and upheavals and so on are pretty unilaterally based. unless the guys in power are really really cool (they're usually just old and fat), it's more compelling to see them get ousted. old timey tsars were neat back when they were rugged fuck you murder dudes in fur hats, nicolas ii was a lil' bitch so it's good the bolsheviks got him, rasputin mythologized his own life to the point we're still talking about him which is pretty much the most based thing you can do.

creating nukes and then doing a cold war about it was pretty high-concept of everybody, actually the whole ww1 ww2 cold war saga is a fucking great story that people would read as unrealistic fantasy shit if it wasn't actually true, which again is extremely based.

and here we sit in the 21st century. we've had like 250 years of anglo-american hegemony and i'm fucking bored of this movie. like, i already speak english everyone else trying to learn it too is just lame. i think the only shot a more interesting world has is for china to usurp the US as hegemon, but sadly you've given me the impression that that's far from happening.

so, any good news? any fucking crazy shit going on that might fuck over the global order sometime soon? i'm going fucking crazy i can't handle this shit anymore.

I feel like it's tricky because we've already been workshopping the usual suspects for the past hundred years, whether it's the robot uprising or the alien invasion or the space colonisation or whatever else that is going to shake humanity out of its rut, so the most likely and ironically most surprising possibility is that none of those happen.

but then what does? can things really just keep grinding on? like this? maybe! for at least another fifty years or so until climate shifts and demographic collapse lead to wild power fluctuations and things start getting weird again.

[gotmymindsetonyou]

Reviews for Every Movie I Watched in March+April

Kinda fell off on watching movies after January due to some mental health shtuff, but I’ve slowly been getting back on that horse and I wanted to talk about the movies I’ve seen, so here we are. Take my number ratings with a grain of salt, they’re mostly off the cuff and giving a movie a numbered grade is pretty arbitrary anyway. 

March 1: The Wizard of Oz (1939)  dir. Victor Fleming - 9/10

It is STUPID how good this movie is for 1939. I really do like almost everything about this movie, from the fun characters to the bright and colorful set design to the iconic music. In fact, the only parts of the movie I don’t like are that ugly ass Cowardly Lion and those godforsaken Munchkins.

March 1: Kick-Ass (2010) dir. Matthew Vaughn - 8/10

Even when Matthew Vaughn is bad, he is still amazingly fun, and this movie is by no means a bad movie. Nicolas Cage gives the best performance, I love his delivery on some of his lines. This movie is so much fun y’all. Just watch it, you’ll have a good time. (And yes, I know both Quicksilvers are in this, you don’t have to tell me) 

March 13: There Will Be Blood (2007) dir. Paul Thomas Anderson - 10/10

This is a fuck-you movie. This movie curb stomped me, spat in my face, and told me I’d never make it in this industry. I don’t need to tell you this movie is incredible, ‘cause if you’ve seen it you already know, and if you haven’t you are seriously missing out.

March 14: The Philadelphia Story (1940) dir. George Cukor - 7/10

I had a hard time deciphering how I feel about this movie. I watched this for a Classic Film course, so I had a couple days to listen to and share some deeper analysis, and I feel like this film is actually pretty good. I don’t have any strong feelings on it, check it out if you like classic film.

March 14: Moulin Rouge! (2001) dir. Baz Luhrmann - 8/10

This movie is bombastic as hell, and even if this is a bad movie, it’s a good movie in my soul. Ewan McGregor, please return my calls.

March 15: The Ruthless (2019) dir. Renato De Maria - 5/10

I guess this movie just isn’t for me, I don’t know. I really do like Riccardo Scamarcio in this movie, but that’s the extent of the really good things. I was on a “Santino from John Wick” kick, I can’t really explain it. 

March 20: The Host (2006) dir. Bong Joon-ho - 9/10

Bong Joon-ho has never disappointed me once, and I don’t think he ever will. This is one of the best monster movies I have ever seen (granted I don’t think I’ve seen a lot of monster movies). Watch this movie, it has a wonderful heart and a wonderful monster.

March 20: Citizen Kane (1941) dir. Orson Welles - 10/10

Anything I can say about this movie has already been said, so I’m going to leave you with “I wrote a paper on this film and got a C so fuck this movie” and call it a day.

March 27: Sound of Metal (2019) dir. Darius Marder - 9/10

I am so glad a watched this movie. Riz Ahmed gives an award winning performance if only he hadn’t been competing against Anthony Hopkins. Paul Raci is also really, really good in this movie, and I don’t think that’s mentioned as much, and I think it should be. 

April 6: Casablanca (1942) dir. Michael Curtiz - 9/10

I did not think I would enjoy Casablanca as much as I did, but yeah. This is a great movie. I wanna go on record and say Humphrey Bogart is not tall, he is 5′8″. He wears pumps in this movie and they’re really funny to look at.

April 10: Dr. No (1962) dir. Terence Young - 7/10

This was my introduction to the Bond universe, and I thought it was a pretty good way to get me into the character of James Bond. Sean Connery is the strongest part of this movie as Bond. It is by no means a perfect movie, some aspects are extraordinarily outdated. But as a first crack this movie gets two thumbs up from me.

April 18: The Godfather (1972) dir. Francis Ford Coppola - 10/10

This film is truly something special. I am lucky that I was able to experience the story basically blind (I knew about some specific plot points and some famous lines, but for the most part this was all new to me), and I was extra lucky that I got to watch it with my dad. Being able to watch The Godfather with someone who has a deep love of the genre and the film itself is something that enhances almost every movie going experience. The Godfather is one of the greats. 

April 19: Mank (2020) dir. David Fincher - 6/10

I am not in love with this movie. I don’t hate it, but I don’t particularly like it either. The production design is great, and as a general appreciator of classic cinema I liked those aspects just fine. There’s just something in here that’s preventing me from fully liking this movie. 

April 21: Judas and the Black Messiah (2021) dir. Shaka King - 9/10

The only way I can describe this movie is “important.” King gives us a story of a often left out part of the Civil Rights movement, and it’s a story that everyone should be aware of. Fred Hampton was only 21 when he was assassinated, and yet he left such a mark on the fight for racial equality. Daniel Kaluuya absolutely deserved his Oscar win, he is a dream in this film. This is an uncompromising, tragic, and endlessly relevant movie.

April 23: The Father (2020) dir. Florian Zeller - 10/10

Yeah I cried. Anthony Hopkins is... I don’t think his performance can be summed up in words. It’s heartbreaking, everything about this movie is soul-crushing. 

April 24: Promising Young Woman (2020) dir. Emerald Fennell - 8/10

(You can tell I was cramming for the Oscars at this point) It is really hard to review Promising Young Woman. It’s incredibly polarizing to the film community, and it’s also polarizing in my own opinion. I really don’t know how I feel here, all I know is my feelings are strong. Also every time Bo Burnham was on screen I had a big stupid grin on my face, I can’t wait for his new special to come out. 

April 25: Nomadland (2020) dir. Chloe Zhao - 9/10

What a beautiful experience. This movie, on top of being absolutely gorgeous, has such a wonderful soul that completely shines through Zhao’s directing. There’s a monologue about maybe a half hour in that describes so succinctly the beauty of nature, and as someone who lives in a much more urban area of the world, it’s a description that I don’t get to see that often in my life. That’s why I love film. If Promising Young Woman made me angry at the world Nomadland made me fall back in love with it.

April 25: Minari (2020) dir. Lee Isaac Chung - 8/10

Watching Minari is like being gently set on fire. My feelings aren’t as strong as they were for Nomadland, and I don’t have much to say, but I still adore this movie and think it’s worth watching. 

April 26: Singin’ in the Rain (1952) dir. Gene Kelly, Stanley Donen - 8/10

I think my film teacher puts it best in describing this movie as “just so stinkin joyous.” That’s what this movie is, it’s joy put to film. I love how you can clearly see the excitement over making film that comes through in older movies, I feel like you don’t really see that anymore. 

April 28: Some Like It Hot (1959) dir.  Billy Wilder - 7/10

As glaringly outdated this film is, I still managed to have a pretty good time with it, although I can totally see why the plot could put some people off, or even make them outright dislike the film as a whole. Marilyn Monroe playing a ukulele made me feel very seen. (This is my first Marilyn movie as well!)

April 29: Snowpiercer (2013) dir. Bong Joon-ho - 8/10

CHRIST this movie is intense. The best part of Snowpiercer is it is engaging as hell. Unfortunately I had to duck out about three quarters of the way through to get some dental work done, but rest assured under different circumstances I would have been glued to the screen from start to finish. The premise is chilling (ha ha, get it), and the subplot of class disparity is also really compelling. If you know me you’ll know that I love me some John Hurt, Song Kang-ho has been great in pretty much every movie I’ve seen him in, TILDA FUCKING SWINTON rocks every scene she’s in. My only real problem here is sometimes Chris Evans is a bit hit or miss for me, I really like his performance at times, and I like it less at others. It has been cool to see him grow as an actor over the years, you can definitely see his improvement in more recent movies. In any case, I stand by my previous statement, Bong Joon-ho has never disappointed me once, and I don’t think he ever will.

#movie review #Film Review #i combined two months to give myself more content #but i think i might have given myself too much content #there's a lot in here

[scarletwitching]

(sorry it's about the mcu) It's always interesting to me that in the beginning of the films, the twins were not just eastern european but also heavily coded as romani, but as the movies went on, wanda became less and less "eastern european" and more americanized to the point that her next appearance is slated in a classic staple of american pop culture (a fifties tv show). it's been said before but wanda is like a new character each time she appears, and that's not said in a kind manner.

I feel like the MCU is about to become an unavoidable subject because… well, not to stomp on anyone’s fun, but I heard the Jaws theme song when I saw this. I have stuff to say about this subject that I don’t think anyone else has touched on yet and it’s the middle of the night and my sleep pattern is ruined.

There seems to be two things going on with MCU Wanda’s ever-changing everything: 1) No one was especially on-board with Whedon’s ideas and more broadly, no one can agree on who this character is supposed to be. 2) The post-Ultron movies have tried to mold the character to fit the actress better.

The latter is easy enough to explain. The very dark hair in Ultron didn’t suit her, and red is a better fit for her natural coloring. There’s a reason red hair and green eyes is such an iconique combination. They ditched the accent because, well, she’s no good at it. I think the changing wardrobe is partly this and partly an attempt to show character evolution.

The former reason, though, is where we can get into the weeds. Age of Ultron was a troubled production. One of the sticking points between Whedon and the studio was the dream/nightmare/mind control sequences, which the writer-director was attached to and which executives hated. Not a shock that they haven’t reappeared since. That the telepathic powers as a whole vanished is more curious, but I feel like the Russos, Markus, and McFeely don’t care about Whedon’s version of Wanda. They weren’t involved, and they don’t like it.

There was more back and forth with the accents than people remember. In 2013, The Wrap reiterated an earlier rumor that the twins would have British accents in the MCU. At first glance, that’s jarring, but sometimes, people who aren’t from Britain have British accents. It’s not my favorite choice for these characters, but it happens. Aaron Taylor-Johnson said he was the one who pushed for the Eastern European accents and for Pietro to have his white/silver hair (originally it was supposed to be brown). But he wasn’t sure, even while filming, if they were going to leave the accents in or ADR over all their dialogue. Once he was gone, there was no one to advocate for the inclusion of the accents, so everyone said, “Fuck it. She learned to talk with a US accent.”

There’s also the parts of their backstory that were cut, supposedly for time. Namely their Romani background (which seems to have been in the script) and any specific references to the US military being the ones to bomb their apartment building (something we can figure out from interviews and from context). Both things that were either already causing controversy or could have caused controversy, which were cut “for time” and for no other reason. Totally. Definitely. I suspect the later movies don’t pick up those threads for the same reason they drop the telepathy stuff. They’re not anything M&M and the Russos care about, and their stance is, “We don’t want to get into that.”

And then... there’s the Hydra backstory, which fits into the same category of “a thing that was dropped and it’s not hard to figure out why.” I have no clue what Whedon was thinking when he did that, and I don’t know how any future writer could incorporate it without doing an outright retcon. That wouldn’t be hard since there’s a reason most people thought those characters were held captive. The cinematic language in the Cap 2 end credits scene is at odds with what Whedon was trying to convey. When you have characters in cages looking drugged (complete with injection sites), what am I supposed to think?* “Wow, spooky”?Probably. Whatever he was going for, it didn’t work, and who is surprised that it was ignored? They should have fixed it, but this is another case of the later writers and directors looking at what Whedon did and not even caring enough to either acknowledge or contradict it.

That’s the theme here. That Markus, McFeely, and the Russos didn’t care about what Whedon did, but that they also didn’t replace it with anything. The stuff they did with Wanda was all plot-essential. Somebody’s gotta cause the superhero civil war, and guess who’s the easy choice. Somebody’s gotta care when Vision dies, and guess who’s the easy choice. You get where they’re coming from. They have 375 characters to worry about, and she’s not one of the popular ones. The end result is a character who isn’t really anything.

Even within his own movies, the characters Whedon was allowed to introduce into the MCU are half-baked. What if Vision was Adam Warlock? What if The Colonel meets Jean Grey? What if Quicksilver only existed to die? It’s a lot of stealing from various sources without thinking through the meaning and significance of what you’re stealing. James Gunn gives zero fucks about adhering to comics canon, but at least, he has concrete notions of who his versions of the characters are. They may not be what I wanted (#JusticeForMantis), but they’re cohesive entities on their own. Can you say that for Ms. “Let’s join Hydra and kill random South Africans and oh no, I’m scared of fighting”?

Lastly, the 1950’s housewife thing is more about the extremes of character interpretation. Whedon focused on Wanda’s past as part of the Brotherhood and used Ultron and – for fuck’s sake – Hydra as stand-ins for that (while ignoring that Wanda’s time in the Brotherhood was defined by the abuse she suffered and not by random murders she committed by mind controlling the Hulk). To quoth the man himself, “They’re interesting to me because they sort of represent the part of the world that wouldn’t necessarily agree with The Avengers.” He envisioned them as the kind of Radicals With a Point that superhero films love, but his execution didn’t match his vision. (Maybe it was better in the script, idk.)

In creating that godforsaken tv show, Feige is leaning on the perception of Wanda as a conservative figure. That idea comes from the fact that so much of her story is wrapped up in family and babies and sexist stereotypes. It feels mismatched with the former. (Not denying the realities of human complexity, just saying you should have a clearer vision for a made up person.) We’ll have to see how it plays out, but it seems like a case of no one agreeing on what this character believes or how she views the world. Or maybe it was Nightmare/Chthon/Mojo all along. Lotta maybes going on.

Anyway, the Americanization issue comes down to treating your own culture and worldview as default and trying to work around miscasting, and the overall issue is that you shouldn’t make characters who only exist to be sites of tragedy.

*They also look drugged at the beginning of Age of Ultron, when they’re with Hydra, and at no other point. Does Whedon associate that aesthetic with menace/villainy? (If so, yikes!!) Additionally, I’m gonna leave this here with the reminder that it is from the same movie.

#anonymous #answered #mcu #movie wanda tag #long post #listen... all my posts are long #but this one especially so

[roseskiesandbutterflies]

Killer Queen - Chapter 9: Coming Soon

Summary: Arabella Ruth White is the fifth member of the Marauders. And life at Hogwarts certainly isn’t easy. Especially when you have alcohol, relationships, unhealthy music obsessions, a fake stage persona, weird ass friends with weird ass problems and actual school all thrown into the equation. (This story is also on Wattpad and AO3 of the same name. I will always update on Wattpad first.)

Warning(s): none that I can see

Taglist: @bhmay @briarrose26 @bijoukitty ask to be on my taglist!

Inspired by: A Night At The Opera, various Marauders headcanons I’ve seen on Pinterest, this quarantine business, The Boy Who Killed God by @sirius-black-killed-god on AO3, All The Young Dudes by MsKingBean89 on AO3

Word count: 4.3k+ (holy shit)

A/N: I beg of you follow Ruth's advice on how to handle a record because some people do it Wrong. Don't be one of those people, please. Somehow, she's 16 now which is weird, but not that weird seen as she is literally a figment of my own imagination. This chapter is over 4000 words long which makes it the longest thing I've ever written.

I’m thinking about changing the point of view again. I’m currently in first but I might change it to third. First is good for funny scenes like in this chapter, but it’s not ideal for the deeper stuff I have planned later. Yes, I have a plot. Shock horror. But we shall wait and see on that one. If I do change it, I won’t edit the previous chapters to fit it because I really can’t be bothered.

Everyone, please stay safe because of what's going on and stay optimistic and occupied. For example, I'll have more time to write! It's a scary time but it will pass, like everything does at some point. OK I've gotten too philosophical. I shall stop now. This chapter is sponsored by me calling Dr Brian Harold May 'Clog Man'. This chapter title comes from Queen's 1980 album, 'The Game'.

“Good morning, peasants!” I declared as I quite literally swept into Transfiguration that morning, a crown perched precariously atop of my head, my robe billowing behind me. My dearest courtiers trailed along in my wake, begrudgingly carrying my belongings. How generous of them, I thought to myself, as if they had had any say in the matter in the first place. My loyal subjects celebrated my entrance and I gracefully sat down in my assigned seat, feet on the table, chair tipped back at precisely the right angle. I didn’t want to fall and get a concussion, now did I? Especially not on that day of all days.

Now you may wonder what on Gaia’s green earth I am on about, you may begin to question my sanity, you may finally start to piece the clues together and realise I am in fact, a total nutter. About time you did, if I’m completely honest with you, darling. However, like most of my shenanigans, the reason for all this was a well-founded one, if I did say so myself. For Twas my birthday, my sixteenth birthday to be precise, and that meant I got to be queen for a day. Not as long as I would like but hey ho, it was better than nothing. I had all the time in the world to take over the world so being queen could wait for now. Even better than this temporary monarchy, becoming sixteen came with plenty of hobbies I could now I enjoy legally, such as having sex, smoking and drinking wine in a restaurant. As if the law had stopped me before. Following the law is for the weak and my mother did not raise me to be anything of the sort.

Now as a queen such as myself, it is my regal responsibility to keep up appearances, which, to put it simply, meant to look pretty damn fabulous at all times. Hence why I was sporting a magnificent golden crown enchanted to stay on my head for the whole day and matching robe-cloak-thing. You know what I’m on about. Personally, I was rather pleased with my attire. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for one Minerva McGonagall.

An exasperated sigh from the front of the classroom was reluctantly followed by, “White, dare I ask why you are not in proper uniform?” she gestured vaguely at my majestic outfit.

“It would certainly be rather daring of you, professor,” I replied, without missing a beat. A classic raised eyebrow went my way, so I let out a sigh of my own before saying, “Tis my sixteenth birthday, dearest Minnie. If I have to attend lessons on such an occasion, then I must be allowed to dress appropriately.”

“And you consider a crown half as big as yourself to be appropriate for school?” her wonderfully Scottish voice quipped back.

“Why of course ma’am, you see it’s what I like to call my thinking cap,” I grinned broadly at her before joining a giggling Sirius who had gone to great lengths to keep it all in.

But nothing in this godforsaken world, and I do not say that lightly, could have prepared me for Minnie’s response: “Then perhaps it will do you some good.” She turned to the blackboard behind her to begin the lesson I had partly succeeded in delaying.

I, on the other hand, wasn’t doing so well. I clutched at my chest as if I’d been shot, and believe me it felt like I had been, and dramatically fell into the arms of James, as he was the unfortunate soul who sat next to me. I weakly reached up to touch his face as they do in the muggle movies, made a mental note to remind him to fucking shave and heaved out, “Jamie, I won’t last much longer but there’s something I need to tell you.”

“What, my darling? What is it?” he asked, faithfully going along with my foolish antics as always, the poor sod.

“I…love…” I whispered before going limp in his arms as if I was dead.

“Ruth, my love, no!” he hugged my ‘corpse’ while sobbing rather profoundly.

Sirius leapt to his feet (I had to open my eyes slightly for this bit) and declared, “What do you mean ‘my love’? Ruth has been the love of my life since I first laid eyes on her!”

“You foul fiend! Ruth was the second reason for my very existence after Evans, thank you very much!” James too jumped up, leaving me to flop onto the stone floor with an ungraceful ‘ugh’. I could sense Lily’s annoyance from the other side of the classroom.

James and Sirius both grabbed their wands, pointed them at one another, but instead of cursing each other, they used them like fencing swords. Just before Sirius could ‘stab’ James, I myself jumped up and cried, “Wait!” at the same time Minnie yelled, “Enough!”

Naturally, we took no notice of this.

Both boys turned to look at me, only for me to say, “I don’t love either of you. I love Remus!” I pointed at the boy in question who in turn smirked his classic smirk.

He opened his mouth to speak only to be interrupted by an infuriated Minnie, “I said enough! Sit down, all three of you or it’s detention for a week!” Now I was pretty sure she was only letting us off because she was well aware that if I was given detention on my birthday, I would certainly not go. I’d like to think it was because she loved us dearly, but my mother didn’t raise me to be a liar either. Considering the circumstances, a.k.a. my huge fucking party I had planned for later on, I did what I almost never did.

I sat down.

Not without a snarky “ooooooooh” of course.

Naturally, Minnie wasn’t all that impressed with my reply, “Evans, swap seats with White, please.”

Naturally, I wasn’t all that impressed with her reply either, “Professor, are you seriously going to move me on my birthday?”

“That is correct.”

“Miss, that’s not fair, I haven’t even done anything that bad, we’re all in one piece, aren’t we? Besides, why is it only me that’s getting moved, what’s up with that?”

“You’re not the only one I’m moving, I’m also moving Evans, am I not?” she snapped, not at all pleased with my outburst, “Now please move seats, you are disrupting my lesson.”

I pouted like a little child on the naughty step, grabbed my stuff together and plonked myself where Lily had been sitting, next to a girl who had only started in September, from Greece or Italy or somewhere. I suddenly realised Lily was now sitting next to James, so I felt the need to apologise, “Sorry, Lily!”, I said in a similar manner to a kid who was forced to say sorry to their sibling after hitting them. She just shot me a reproachful look which had me fearing for my life for a second, before turning to the lesson that could finally begin.

Obviously, I wasn’t exactly keen to take part in the lesson, so I opted for attempting to get to know my new desk partner, “You’re the new girl, right?”

I was met with a blank stare and confusion from both parties until something clicked for me: if she had just moved here from another country then she probably didn’t speak much English.

Well shit.

I tried again, simplifying my language but hopefully not sounding too patronising, “Are you new?”

The poor girl still strongly resembled a deer in headlights but nodded, “Yes?”

“What’s your name, darling?” I was determined to get to know this girl, she seemed nice enough and, knowing from experience what it felt like to be the new kid, I felt a strange urge to help her.

She cocked her head to the side in confusion, now looking like an owl of some sort. It was at this point where I gave up and just waved her off, “Don’t worry.” If Minnie was as adamant about me staying in this seat as I suspected, I’d have plenty of time later to try and talk to this girl. Maybe when she knew a bit more English. Or maybe I could teach her some? Well saying that I’m not sure how good of a teacher I would actually be. I’d probably be more of a nuisance than a help.

The rest of the school day carried on in a similar fashion, with the usual jokes played out in a more dramatic manner than usual. Fine by me. The end of lessons couldn’t come soon enough but at last, they were over. Meaning I could finally, finally, open my damn presents.

Well, I say presents, but me being the impatient bastard that I am, I actually opened most of them that morning at breakfast. Which involved about a year’s supply of chocolate, a 10-pack of condoms and no less than three boxes of tea from various posh shops in London. And a hell of a lot of magical alcohol, which was far better than the muggle stuff, but we don’t talk about that. There was only one present left and that was the one from the woman who birthed me. I realise that I have led you under false pretences of sentiment towards my dear mother, and while I do in fact over her greatly, this is not the case. It was actually because our family owl, Bob (don’t ask me why he’s called fucking Bob, Rhea named him), is quite possibly slower than a bloody snail and took the whole day to fly from Cromer to Scotland.

I ran up the stairs to the boys’ dormitory, which is saying something considering I don’t run for anything, and there it was, laying on what was basically my bed when Kingsley wasn’t around, wrapped in shining gold paper, my birthday present. Instantly I got a huge sense of déjà vu, as I knew exactly what it was.

A vinyl record.

Because what else do I do with my spare time these days?

I carefully picked it up, observing it in the stream of November sunlight coming from the window. Judging from the size and weight of it, it was definitely an album, my excitement increasing tenfold. I opened it as carefully as possible to discover that it was indeed Queen’s new album. Their iconic crest was printed on the front in a loud colour scheme of orange and pink. The title was written in black cursive: ‘A Night At The Opera’. The whole thing, though relatively simple in its design, screamed regalness.

I was so mesmerised by it that I didn’t even see the envelope on the bed until I very nearly sat on it. My mum’s familiar handwriting addressed me on the front of it and inside was a card with the most gorgeous watercolour print of the Cromer Pier which had me missing it terribly. I opened it to read what she had written and I couldn’t wipe the grin off of my face.

To Ruth,

Happy birthday, darling! It’s hard to believe you’re 16 now, I still see you as my gorgeous baby girl! I know I can’t see you on your special day, but half term is less than a month away – you’ll be home before we know it!

I’m so proud of you and everything you’ve done, and we all love you very much. Have a wonderful day with your friends!

Lots of love,

Mum, Rhea and Luke xxx

P.S. Don’t tell Mum but I got you a sort of magical cactus from Diagon Alley but I’ll give it to you when you come back – Rhea

P.P.S What Rhea forgot to tell you is that the cactus was my idea, I just didn’t have any pocket money left after going to the sweet shop - Luke

I smiled at the message and at my siblings’ additions at the bottom and found myself missing them more than I anticipated. I put on my bedside table, next to the magical photo us the boys and me which never failed to make me laugh. It was of us knee-deep in the Great Lake, around the July of our third year. James had his back to the camera but still showed his face and his lopsided grin; he was carrying Sirius over his shoulder like a fireman, the latter of which was showing his middle finger to the camera as best he could. Peter was mid-fall in front of them, just seconds before face-planting the water. Remus was to the right of them, trying his best to avoid getting wet from Peter’s inevitable splash, his face all screwed up in an attempt to protect his eyes. I was trying to hoist myself up onto Remus’s shoulders, which wouldn’t have been so difficult if he wasn’t so fucking tall, even at 14 he was a giant. The photo was magical, so we were all moving around as we had been at the time. I was lucky enough to have caught the exact moment I pulled my wand out and cast the aguamenti charm, aiming at everyone’s head but more importantly, James and Sirius’s hair. The photo was an endless cycle of me jumping up, casting the spell and being chased around by everyone before going back to our original positions.

I reluctantly turned away from the treasured photo, picked up the album and turned to run to the Room Of Requirement so I could listen to the artistry I held in my undeserving hands. Somehow, my close good friends beat me to it; there they stood in the doorway, carrying my dear record player between them with wide grins on their faces, not altogether dissimilar from the one James sported in the photograph.

I wondered for a second how the vinyl got itself onto my bed, and how the boys knew they had to get my record player, but then I realised my mother must have told them in advance. She may have been a Hufflepuff, but I do sometimes think she would have made a fine Slytherin. Surprise kids, I don’t have a prejudice against the entirety of Slytherin house, just the ones who are, quite frankly, dickheads. Not my fault if that’s the majority of them.

They popped my dear baby on the floor and sat down various surfaces: the floor, their beds, Remus’s lap (*cough cough* Sirius *cough cough*). I ever-so-carefully removed the vinyl from its sleeve and placed it onto the turntable, only touching the outermost edges so as to not get grease into the grooves of the record. Now, I can’t be ruining it already.

“I hope you know we love you enough to carry that thing all the way here,” Sirius whined, mopping non-existent sweat from his forehead using’s Remus’s poor jumper. The audacity he had to refer to my precious record player as ‘that thing’. I didn’t hit him, which is very unlike me, but I refused to sink to his level. Twat.

“Thank you darling but I think, in the midst of wanting to show off your varying levels of strength, you all forgot you could simply levitate my baby here,” I flopped onto Remus’s bed (by far the cleanest one) as Peter repeatedly smacked James with a pillow, “What did I say, James? What did I fucking say?”

Poor James just groaned at him to stop, arms up in a quite frankly pathetic bid to protect himself. He looked at me helplessly, but I just shook my head with a cheeky smirk on my face, “Nope, you got yourself into this mess, I’m not getting involved.”

Sirius, on the other hand, was laughing so much that Remus had to move him from lying against his chest to having his head in his lap to prevent him from hurting himself. I was half-convinced that Sirius was in fact having a heart attack but at this point, I was not nearly drunk enough to put up with his bullshit. Oh yeah, forgot to mention we each took a shot after breakfast seen as it’s my birthday, only increasing our chances of getting alcohol poisoning within the next weekend or so. But let’s be honest, I’m only using my birthday as an excuse to drink more alcohol at eight o’clock in the morning.

A few more smacks and one case of concussion later, we had all calmed down enough for me to play my goddamn record. Suspense hung in the air as the tiny crackles of an unused record sounded, followed by a crescendo of lightning-fast piano. Definitely not what I expected from a song entitled ‘Death On Two Legs (Dedicated To…)’, until Brian’s slightly menacing guitar burst through the speakers. The rest of the carried on in a similar fashion, fancy piano and angry guitar combined with lyrics I could only describe as savage. I made a mental note to look at the enclosed lyrics later on to see what exactly Freddie was singing, as even for my standards it was rather mean. I also couldn’t help but wonder who this was dedicated to and what they had done for Freddie to sing about them in such a manner. Must be quite the dickhead. Maybe someone like Snivellus. You can’t get much worse than Snivellus.

The next song was called ‘Lazing On A Sunday Afternoon’ and I couldn’t help but giggle throughout it. It felt very vintage, the singing was distorted somewhat, but it seemed more as if they were taking the mick out of the genre. It was a little thing, hardly a couple of minutes long, and soon transitioned to ‘I’m In Love With My Car’, which I distinctly remembered from the B-side of ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’. That song will never fail to make me laugh. How a man can be so attached to his car, I’ll never know.

Those comedic masterpieces were followed by ‘You’re My Best Friend’, which I fell in love with within the first five seconds. The adorable little piano, the adorable little lyrics, the adorable little bass, okay I could go on like this for hours, but the point is that I loved this song and would gladly be its friend, were it a person. Yeah, I may have been a tad tipsy, might have had something to do with the shots we took between lessons on top of the one at breakfast. I had wanted to maintain a state of slight tipsiness throughout the day. Moving swiftly on.

‘39’ was next, and it was safe to say that I wasn’t expecting any of it. At first, the guitar made me chuckle, then the realisation that it was just vocals, guitar and fucking tambourine, and then the fact that it was almost certainly a county song about space. Brian was singing, of course it was Brian, and I seemed to have forgotten how talented a singer he actually is. And a songwriter because let’s be real, there is no way in hell that anyone in the band apart from Clog Man wrote this.

‘Sweet Lady’ came after that, which contrasted ‘39’ so much that it basically gave me whiplash. To be honest, I should have seen that coming seeing as that was how Queen seemed to work, a heavy rock song followed by something completely different and so on and so on. You’d think you’d grow tired of constantly changing styles but somehow Queen pulled it off magnificently, as they did with pretty much anything they set their minds to. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it, don’t get me wrong it was a cool song, just not quite my cup of tea. I felt a little bit guilty about not liking it, but I forced myself to remember that I didn’t have to like every song on the album in order to be a fan.

‘Seaside Rendezvous’ was the next song and the last one on side A. I found it very quirky and much more to my liking. I could easily imagine myself going for a stroll down the beach back at home while humming this. And potentially dancing to it down the pier. Although I would look quite the crackhead as no one else would be able to hear it; but since when did I care about looking like a twat? I was already friends with plenty of twats, I stopped caring years ago. Somewhere in the middle of the song, there was a part that sounded like an orchestra of some kind, but I could tell Roger had something to do with the woodwind section, which led to some rather interesting images in my mind. Make of that what you will. The tap-dancing part made me laugh because I highly doubted that any of them could actually tap dance, leading to me wondering how to the fuck they did that. My brain also thought it was necessary to conjure up some cursed images of Brian tap-dancing in his clogs. Fucking hell, what was wrong with me?

As quickly and carefully as I could, I flipped the record onto the B-side, which started off with ‘The Prophet’s Song’. I was so naïve to think that ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ was long; this bad boy was all of eight minutes and basically a musical on its own, worthy of the likes of the West End or Broadway. The absolute artistry of the lyrics and the music quickly made it one of my favourites so far, which was saying something as I loved the whole damn album anyway. There was a good couple of minutes of straight acapella, mainly just countless overdubs of Freddie singing ‘no I know’ at various different pitches; then Roger and Brian joining in for a chorus of ‘la la la la la’. It was strangely creepy, and I had yet to figure out if that was their intention.

That then flowed almost seamlessly into ‘Love Of My Life’, a melancholic ballad that was as beautiful as it was sad. It didn’t take me long to work out that it was a harp rather than an acoustic guitar, I grinned at the mental images of Brian learning the harp for the sake of this one song. Surely if he’d known how to play it all along, he would have shown off his musical prowess much earlier.

Naturally, the next song flipped this whole vibe that had just been created on its head. ‘Good Company’ was its name and it involved a whole band created solely by Brian’s guitar. It seemed funny to me, but I didn’t know why. A bit like with ‘Sweet Lady’, I wasn’t all too sure if I like it or not. I did notice Brian singing again; it was nice to hear his voice on the record more, not to diss Freddie or Roger in any way, shape or form. Now I wanted to hear John sing and we would be good to go.

The last proper song on the album was, of course, the absolute masterpiece (or as Sirius liked to call it, ‘an utter fucking bop’) that was ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’. Considering the sheer amount of times we’ve listened to the record since it came out, it wasn’t all that surprising that we knew all the words off by heart. This was including playing all five minutes and fifty-five seconds of it while James was in the shower, so he didn’t spend hours in there and use up all the hot water. The rule was that he had to be out by the time the song had ended, or we would send Lily the picture we had of him with his hair all wet. And he would die before he consented to such a thing. Trust me, it’s not a particularly flattering look on him. I had to remind them to resist the urge to jump around when the rock bit came on, you know what I’m on about, so as to not damage the vinyl already.

The last track was a guitar rendition of ‘God Save The Queen’, which was outrageous as it was excessive. Just layers upon layers of guitar, I would forever be impressed by Brian’s skills. Sirius, however, was still moaning over his restricted movement.

“But why can’t we jump? It’s so much more fun that headbanging alone,” Sirius whined like the petulant child that he was. I had to give him at least some credit, he may have an impressive amount of muggle knowledge, but he was still a pureblood and a Black at that. He could be so naïve sometimes.

“Darling you have to understand that it’s a sensitive little thing. If you jump, so will the vinyl, which will scratch it and it will jump at awkward times,” I explained, to which I was met with blank stares as if I was speaking in bloody Welsh. I sighed, perhaps a little more dramatically than necessary but if that doesn’t some up my whole life then I don’t know what does, and tried again, “Like with my Sheer Heart Attack record? Where it jumps during Brighton Rock and Killer Queen?”

“Ohhhh,” understanding washed over his and James’s faces because let’s be honest, if you think Sirius is oblivious then clearly, you’ve never met James.

“Yes, ohhhh,” I repeated, taking the mick out of the stupid buggers. Hey, it’s my birthday, I’m allowed to do whatever I want.

Which reminded me of the party I had planned for later. Well, I say party, it was going to be more of a ball than anything. A birthday ball, if you will. What can I say, I have a flair for the dramatics, sue me.

#marauders #marauders headcanon #marauders imagine #marauders fanfiction #marauders era #70s marauders #lgbt fanfiction #lgbtlove #lgbtq #lgbt #Harry Potter #killer queen #queen imagine #queen band #Queen #Freddie mercury #roger taylor #peter pettigrew #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #John Deacon #James Potter #Brian May #indian james potter

[florencewellch]

Is there any popular TV show, movie or book that everyone you know loves, but you hate? - I’m so curious to see what your take is on this!

Thanks for the ask, @lots-to-love !

Disclaimer: I'm not saying that any of these pieces of media are bad, I'm just saying that they're not my cup of tea. I'm not gonna judge or think less of anyone who likes the stuff I mention here.

Books:

1) Nineteen Eighty-Four (1949) by George Orwell: I'm sure this is a great book, it's a classic after all, but it wasn't for me. I read it two years ago and every moment of it felt like torture. Probably because I'm not a fan of dystopian fiction and because I didn't like any of the characters.

2) The Goldfinch (2013) by Donna Tartt: It's a good book, it won the Pulitzer Prize, after all. It just wasn't for me, I gave up after 3 chapters.

3) Any Philippa Gregory novel (except“The Lady of the Rivers”): I have a problem with Philippa Gregory's writing and it's the fact that she takes rumors, created to vilify female historical figures during their own lifetimes, and makes them true in her novels, while claiming to take them with a pinch of salt, when in reality she isn't. Examples are Jacquetta and Elizabeth Woodville being witches, Margaret Beaufort being a child murderess, Elizabeth of York having an affair with her uncle, Katherine of Aragon lying about her virginity, Mary Boleyn having illegitimate children with Henry VIII, Anne Boleyn being guilty of adultery and incest and I'm sure there are more examples. This would have been fine if Gregory didn't claim to be historian, when she is actually a novelist and her degree is on 18th century literature, and if she stopped taking her own fictional account as facts.

4) Any Alison Weir book: I don't like most of her books (except her biography of Elizabeth I and her novel on Katherine of Aragon), because she doesn't cite her sources, she is quite biased and makes it quite clear when she dislikes a historical figure and usually relies on sources most historians have discredited. And she is pretty judgy and sexist, she vilifies Anne Boleyn, claims she was “an ambitious adventuress with a penchant for vengeance”, slut-shames Katherine Howard, while glorifying Katherine of Aragon.

TV shows:

1) OUAT: I used to love this show, but after the first half of S3, I started to dislike it and my dislike turned to hatred. My problems are the lazy writing, the retconning, the fact they had to adapt every fairy tale to the point it didn't fit organically with the overall plot. The poorly-written redemption arcs, the fact that almost every ship was toxic, and the lack of originality.

2) Riverdale: Do why I really need to go into why I dislike this show? Okay, my problems are the fact that Jughead's asexuality was erased and he was turned into Betty's edgy boyfriend, the fact that the show doesn't acknowledge that Betty is a terrible person, the sexualization of teens, the fact that Kevin and Chuck were reduced to homophobic and racist stereotypes, respectively. And the nonsensical plot.

3) Sherlock: The episodes don't hold up after watching it again, Sherlock is turned into an arrogant asshole and a high functioning sociopath, when his literary counterpart cared about his clients and wanted to do the right thing, Watson gets turned into a puppy who blindly follows Sherlock, Irene Adler goes from being the woman who outsmarted him to being a dominatrix, who gets outsmarted by him and falls in love with him, even though she is a lesbian on the show.

4) The Big Bang Theory: I don't like the show because of its misogynistic tone and I can't bring myself to like any of the characters.

5) Wolf Hall: All of my problems with Gregory's writing, but worse. All of the characters are one-dimensional caricatures of themselves, none of the characters are likable, the show is boring, all of the historical figures in this godforsaken show are done dirty.

Movies:

It Chapter Two: I think we all saw this coming. Okay, I liked Adult Bill much more than I did in the novel, I think they did a good job with Ben and Beverly as individuals and as a couple. But other than that, I hated the fact that Muschietti had Mike steal stuff from Native Americans, lie about the Ritual of Chüd being effective, I hated the “Mike's parents were rumored to be drug addicts” subplot, as one article states “Mike Hanlon has arguably gone from a victim of racism at the hands of Henry Bowers to a victim of racism at the hands of the filmmakers” and I also hated that Muschietti cut out his scenes. I hated that Eddie went from being a brave, empathetic, sensitive, kind kid to a cowardly asshole in the second film, who got most of his gay-coding given to Richie, who had his own arc and bi-coding ignored by Muschietti and I hated that Eddie's death was made all about Richie and not about Eddie himself, who chose to sacrifice himself to save friends in the novel, while in the second film, he recklessly turns his back against IT, giving Pennywise the opportunity to stab him. And I hated that they had Richie trying to abandon his friends every 5 seconds. And I hated that Richie got to kill Bowers, instead of Eddie. I hated the way that Richie and Eddie's dynamics was portrayed, they had no soft moments apart from the “you're braver than you think” which was at the cost of Eddie's bravery and it was 5 seconds after Richie made a fatphobic comment. I hated that Stan's suicide was framed as an act of heroism, because it sends the wrong message and because in the novel and miniseries, Stan's death weakened the Losers' power against IT. That was the whole point of the Lucky 7, It was actually afraid of them. I hated the “if we don't kill It now, we will die” subplot, it misses the point of the Losers coming back to Derry, the point was to honor their promise and make sure that the next generation of children living in Derry don't become future victims of IT. I hated the way the Ritual of Chüd was handled, because it portrays Native Americans in a stereotypical way and uses them as a plot device and it doesn't go anywhere, because the Ritual doesn't work, meaning we wasted an hour watching the Losers looking for tokens to use in an ineffective ritual. And the way the kill Pennywise is so stupid, the horror elements are weak and the plot is messy.

Basically It Chapter Two fails as a sequel, as a character-driven film and a horror one.

In conclusion, please don't kill me if you like any of the stuff I mentioned, it's just my opinion.

#asks #answered #lots to love

[prettyboiiharringrove]

Waiting

Tower of Terror au //  read on ao3

okay it’s come to my attention that this brilliant movie is like severely underrated so here’s the wiki for more info on it and if you can watch it please please please do. I love it so much and I need someone to enjoy it with me. Also I could talk about this au for ages please love them.

sidenote i had to ignore period typical prejudices for the plot to work because i didn’t think of what other grand gesture he could have been doing until after i wrote this but also like ghost husbands sooooo fuck homophobia peace out

Harringrove Halloween Countdown — October 10

For nearly eighty goddamn years Billy has been trapped in this stupid hotel with a grumpy old hotel manager and his weird daughter, his obnoxious superstar sister, her annoying security guard and this small town lounge singer – aka the love of his fucking life.

Billy’s always been an asshole, Steve says it’s part of his charm. Well, Steve used to say it before he let his glimmer dull. Steve was the predictable kind of ghost, sad and wanting for the future taken from him, beautiful and lonely and it made Billy fucking angry.

In the big scheme of things, it won’t be long until a century has passed and he still hasn’t been able to propose. He had waited for the perfect moment, and the party of the century seemed like the best option, the opportunity of a lifetime, a brilliant story for their grand-kids, but they never made it to that party and now all Billy heard when he was left alone with silence were two words — too late.

Billy has always known he’s selfish, but he spent too much time wanting to be a star, to be the man everyone always talked about, that he overthought every detail of his life and has ultimately made his death all the more miserable.

It doesn’t help that when Billy tries to scare off every newcomer that strolls into their hotel, Steve grows more and more bitter, angry at Billy for always scaring off their chances of help. Truth be told, Billy is miserable, but he doesn’t know what happens when this is all over and he is terrified that in the end, he and Steve will end up apart; he’s even more terrified that Steve won’t mind after having to put up with him for so long.

He doesn’t expect their new guests to be so stubborn, and he especially can’t predict them enlisting the help of the manager’s weird, extremely paranoid great grandson Will, considering the kid normally refuses to go into the hotel.

Truthfully, Billy isn’t completely convinced that these people are trustworthy or even worth his time until the very end, but Steve has started looking at him in that soft way he used to, and his tone is gentle and pleading instead of tired and indifferent. Billy doesn’t exactly feel alive again, because that’s just not possible, but he feels electrified, he feels whole.

He doesn’t want to say goodbye when the time comes, too grateful to their new friends — a concept he didn’t think was possible anymore. He spent far too much of his life, and death, being cruel; he apologizes and gives his thanks, doesn’t miss how Steve’s hand twitches, desperate to wipe Billy’s tears but not daring to interrupt. He steps in the elevator and tries not to be scared anymore. The sound of a band playing somewhere upstairs is promising. He doesn’t look up until Steve pulls him out of the elevator and tells him to look up. All of their friends have been waiting for them. All these years, the party was encapsulated in its own bubble waiting for the most important guests to arrive.

“They didn’t forget us,” he whispers, grabbing Steve’s hand and pulling him so that they’re face to face, body’s pressed together as Billy moves to hold Steve’s face in his hands. He looks beautiful and bright again. Happy, pure, and always so goddamn glamorous. All these years and Billy still loves him, beating heart or not.

“’Course they didn’t, don’t be an idiot,” Steve teases, but he seems just as relieved.

Billy licks his lips and grins. Steve knows the times have changed and the world’s a lot more sexually progressive than it was in 1939 but that tongue is still so goddamn sinful. He braces himself for what Billy might say, now that he knows his snakelike charm is still fully intact.

“Been waiting for this moment,” Billy whispers, leaning forward to brush a gentle kiss to Steve’s lips. He reaches into his pocket, finally pulling out the godforsaken ring. If Steve says no he’ll kill him — he’s not sure how you kill a dead man but he’ll sure as hell find a way.

#tot #harringrove au #harringrove #harringrove fic #harringrove drabble #harringrove ficlet #billy/steve #ghost boiis thank you i love them #billy hargrove/steve harrington #billy stranger things #prettyboiihhcd2018

[tanoraqui]

what’s baffling about the plan to have 5 Fantastic Beasts films is that it makes some of the writing choices for Crimes of Grindelwald just...bad. (Worse.) I acknowledge that not everyone cares about treating female and POC characters as real people worthy of attention - it’s wrong in a way that is both incorrect and immoral, but I acknowledge it - but at least we can all agree that writing should be good? Instead of planning a 5-film series set between 1926 and 1945 and the second movie takes place only 5 months after the first - what?? It made sense if it was the second of three - that’s how Endgame Time works; stakes are high and it all moves fast. So are the 4th and 5th movies going to be back-to-back, too? So when is the third film going to be set?? This is basic pacing; what are you DOING?

And Queenie. Oh, Queenie. 

[irritated rewriting below the cut]

Getting back onto my “female characters are real people worthy of attention” horse, but...wow, what a character assassination. Way to strip an intelligent, practical, slightly ditzy but also magically sympathetic and capable of using that very feminine-coded power to help save her family and friends...to this helpless, overreactive woman persuaded to join the most notorious criminal/terrorist in the wizarding world on the grounds that he supports true love?? Wow. Okay. And not only is this a total (sexist) change from the first movie, but it isn’t even with the excuse that you’re hastily trying to set up a third and final movie in the series? You could have done this more gracefully over the span of films 2, 3, and 4, because unexpected side changes is a dramatic and compelling thing to go into the finale with?!?

Because that is true! I honestly fully respect the writers’ desire to have one of the main protagonist team switch sides to Grindelwald, to showcase how charismatic he and his espoused ideals are, and to emphasize how this whole thing wracked the wizarding community. And, you know, for character Drama(TM) - which I am tuning in to watch, because this is a story about characters and their drama! I would argue that the better candidate is Tina, known to make impetuous choices in the name of what she believes is Right, including risking the secrecy of the wizarding world, and in general much more vulnerable to a message of “there is injustice in the world and we need to take ACION to fix it, even if that means violence” - but Queenie would perhaps be more persuadable by the promise of eventual peace, so, hey. Three entire movies and well-written character development and you can convince me of anything.

IF ONLY THAT HAD HAPPENED. 

Like, you wanna use Queenie? Fine. Here a couple rewrite options of that parlor scene, with varying degrees of antagonism. Making use of the fact that Queenie casually reads everyone’s surface thoughts all the time (see: weaponized [feminine] sympathy):

Wariest:

Grindelwald: I wish you were working with me now, towards a world where we were able to live openly. To love freely.

Queenie, wand raised, guardedly: You’re a very good Occlumens, Mr. Grindelwald.

(Ie, she can’t get a read on him. Grindelwald tips his head slightly in acknowledgement [part ego, party sympathy/apology, like he’s sorry he has to be guarded from her]. A slight pause.) 

Grindelwald: You are an innocent. So go, now. Leave this place.

OR:

Grindelwald: I wish you were working with me now, towards a world where we were able to live openly. To love freely.  (slight pause) You’re a natural Legilimens, aren’t you? You know I am not lying.

Queenie, guardedly but maybe lowering her wand slightly: Only surface thoughts, really. (Ie, she can’t be sure - he seems to be honest, but she knows she can be tricked. slight pause.) I don’t think I want a closer look at you. (implication: he’s a monster)

Grindelwald, almost like he’s agreeing: You are an innocent. So go, now. Leave this place.

OR:

Grindelwald: I wish you were working with me now, towards a world where we were able to live openly. To love freely. (slight pause) You’re a natural Legilimens, aren’t you? You know I am not lying.

Queenie, guardedly but maybe lowering her wand slightly: Only surface thoughts, really. (Ie, she can’t be sure - he seems to be honest, but she knows she can be tricked. No follow-up - less aggressive)

Grindelwald: You are an innocent. So go, now. Leave this place.

MOST CREDULOUS:

Grindelwald: I wish you were working with me now, towards a world where we were able to live openly. To love freely. (slight pause) You’re a natural Legilimens, aren’t you? You know I am not lying.

(Queenie lowers her wand slightly, giving a reluctant nod. She is wary, but cannot deny that he seems honest. Earnest.)

Grindelwald: You are an innocent. So go, now. Leave this place.

And then at the graveyard, Jacob apologizes and says he doesn’t think she’s crazy, not really, not at all, and Queenie apologizes for overreacting and for enchanting him and admits that the things people say and do are just as important as the things they think, and maybe that she loves about Jacob how even when he doesn’t understand things, he tries to be helpful and kind. All she does with Grindelwald is look back at him as they’re all running away, somewhere between wary and curious and wistful, showing that she’s still struggling with the thoughts vs. actions thing and it’s at least nagging at her, that his thoughts and actions (towards her specifically) were both kind and sympathetic, even though she knows that he also does terrible things. In contrast to when Jacob had mentally called her crazy even while supposedly trying to woo her! Check out that valid* reason to trust one and not the other!

*One example of a “terrible thing” Grindelwald does is that in that moment, he was trying to set her, her loved ones, and all of Paris on fire. Because he’s a wizard Nazi.

And then you build on that over the course of the next 2 movies, you godforsaken idiots.

Also while I’m at it: I actually respect the decision from a writing perspective to have Lena Do That, because I’m not sure this is what the writer(s) intended but I make sense of it as she partly was trying to seize a rare chance and partly committing suicide by dark wizard, which is a) gripping and b) plausible for what we’d seen of her character. HOWEVER, it very much runs up against that “treating women and POC with narrative respect” thing, and if Theseus could have delivered that “GRINDELWALD! STOP.” and “I love you” with as much emotion, it, too, probably would have fucked me up a little. First spend the movie setting him up as frustrated, with both his own inability to catch Grindelwald and his superiors’ often hypocritical orders for doing so - catch him immediately, all force necessary, even if it means injuring or even killing people you are supposed to protect. So the audience gets a slightly plausible split second of “wait, shit, are they joining Grindelwald?!” and then the desperate attempt to stop him/suicide by dark wizard also makes sense. And then Lena can have a sweet vengeance arc, that would probably get pretty dark, because she’s only been loved by like 1 person ever and Grindelwald killed him, and for a while the movies would just be Newt + animals + 3 very competent women with weirdly similar-sounding names (Tina, Queenie, Lena). I would watch that.

Yusef could stick around too, on and off, because I actually quite liked that whole sideplot - more characters of color, and consequences to Credence’s alleged identity completely separate from the Obscurial stuff! I’m not trying too hard to fix the way this film had way too many moving parts and leaned so much on flashback that it got confusing; I might as well keep what I like. And Credence’s whole plotline can stay the same (sans Nagini - see post on Perenelle Flamel), and the stuff with Dumbledore - it’s not my favorite, but, fine. It could be worse, both in terms of writing and character. I actually quite like both Dumbledore and Grindelwald’s characters, once I wearily accept that they are as important to the plot as they are. Credence I don’t really care about, but this all seemed reasonable. He’s just growing up, he can make bad decisions about allegiances early on in the movie series.

I hope the entire Movie 5 climactic battle is resolved because the Niffler yoinks the Elder Wand out of Grindelwald’s hand. Ten bucks on that.

#fantastic beasts #in which i have Opinions #and Suggestions #my fic #ish

[tearlessrain]

so this turned into Scorpion King: Book of Souls Liveblog Part 1, because I got started late. witness a bunch of people trying to make one man’s considerable hotness singlehandedly carry an entire hour and a half long movie with very limited success under the cut.

I do want to state right up front that there’s only one reason I’m watching this and that reason is that for some reason zach mcgowan is the protagonist, so I’m not really up to date on the whole mummy/scorpion king franchise, the last one I saw was the one with all the jackal dudes and that was a while ago. so I have no idea what’s going on.

oh good they’re just going to town with the exposition, very thoughtful

so if the sword was forged in the fires of hell by anubis then who the heck did they fight when they were taking on the jackal headed dudes because I kinda assumed

are these two series actually related or

holy shit this is so Extra already look at this shit

y’all this is my jam I am living right now

also as people following my art blog may note, I am a huge fan of black and gold aesthetics. this movie is really just ticking off all my boxes right off the bat, it’s terrible, but five stars.

they’re REALLY going to town with the exposition

sword forged in the fires of hell that condemns souls to “the neverending darkness” and must be somehow destroyed... are we talking about anubis or sauron here.

this is just lord of the rings, but bad and with a sword. lord of the sword.

okay prologue is over and some dudes have smashed their way into a tomb. if the last however many mummy movies have taught me anything it’s that this might potentially be a bad idea

I love how they’re just not even setting up any of the characters we’re just diving right in I’m getting strong “yeah you all know the drill by now” vibes here

#squadgoals

really though the gal on the left is pretty badass, she hasn’t done or said a single thing but I respect her and her bootleg Xena vibe

and like shoutout for putting at least one actual black guy in egypt I guess

so I guess the one in the middle is... psychic or something? not that “hey if you plunder this blatantly cursed tomb it might be bad” requires psychic powers to know but

I mean that giant black sarcophagus they found recently in real life turned out fine I’m sure this will be great go nuts dude

uh oh it’s the fang of sauron anubis

oh that doesn’t seem good, but it’s actually the better option since for a second there I thought there were pulling a “black guy dies first” in ancient goddamn egypt

wait we’re still doing exposition okay the narrator is back. hi narrator I missed you.

look  I know it’s campy and all but can we take a sec to unironically appreciate how wicked COOL this guy looks with his glowing eyes and crap. this movie is just so satisfying to look at, every single shot has been peak aesthetic

“SEND THE BIRD” and then it’s actually just a regular bird that was anticlimactic

HOLY GREENSCREEN BATMAN

holy FUCK WE’RE ONLY JUST NOW AT THE TITLE SEQUENCE WHAT

okay I guess now we’re going to ACTUALLY start the movie, third time’s a charm

and we’re off to a fantastic start my friends

and judging by the choices of the cameraman in this scene I can tell they’re trying desperately to distract me from the fact that the dialogue sounds like it was generated by a neural network that was fed several dozen mediocre fantasy novels.

it’s working.

I am being personally attacked. god.

oh no some people on horses are coming I assume from the background music that this is a bad thing

OH it’s bootleg Xena and her merry band of deeply mediocre extras okay

I understand the adorable small child’s father must die but must it be at the hands of the worst mediocre extra. seriously he’s been on screen for five seconds and I already hate him.

I guess the protagonist’s name is Matthias, other writers might have let us know that when he was introduced, but these guys know damn well that it literally does not matter what his name is. they could have had her ride up and be like “we’re looking for a man named Jebediah Switchboard McDougal” and anyone who’s voluntarily watching this movie in the first place would just be like “that’s fair”

yeah just in case you weren’t sold after the blacksmithing or the hunting scenes, let’s have him just singlehandedly take down half a dozen ninjas in less than a minute. just fuck me up

oh shit they shot him

oh shit they shot him again

they’re just boromir-ing the hell out of this dude

and yet he’s still going to town on those ninjas

NO NOT THE ADORABLE CHILD WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS

I’ve decided I don’t like bootleg Xena after all

it’s a good thing he’s got three arrows embedded in his torso because that is the worst cage ever. it’s made of like. bamboo and string. have you seen this man’s arms how did they expect that to effectively contain him.

whoa it’s... BOOTLEG XENA 2.0: GOOD GUY EDITION

or not. she didn’t free him or anything she just killed his original captors and then took off with the cage with him in it

no I think she is good she’s... healing him? by... getting scorpions to sting the hell out of him? has the FDA approved this.

I’m sorry I can’t take this scene seriously the background music is way too close to the “ooga chakas” from hooked on a feeling. also the sheer degree to which they’re pulling a reverse male gaze here is kinda overshooting sexy straight into unintentionally funny. I mean I know this is the entire reason I’m watching this insanity but like even I think this is excessive.

“the scorpion king escaped” that is giving him way too much credit he was stolen by the superior bootleg Xena.

and in case NONE of the previous things drew your attention away from the lack of a plot, here’s just straight up nudity because why not.

I thought I had a thing for zach mcgowan but I’ve got nothing on this cameraman.

also there’s some kind of “reluctant chosen one king” thing going on I guess but like they literally couldn’t have put less effort into it

I haven’t heard people this concerned about what the moon is doing since I left evergreen state college

aaand apparently he can see and speak to... ghosts now? ghosts that spit thousands of arrows from the sky? know what why not I’ll accept literally anything at this point.

oh they aren’t ghosts they’re just really sneaky dudes

it’s a shame jebediah switchboard’s one and only weakness is extremely shitty cages because he sure ends up in them a lot

hmmmm we’re getting some uncomfortable racist undertones and misogyny in one go okay. not worse than I would expect from a movie of this.... caliber, but I’m not thrilled, especially since this whole situation has yet to have a single actual point to it.

actually okay it’s veered quickly away from “rudyard kipling-esque Vague Native Tribe Encounter” and into... some kind of weird mad max thing mixed with a D&D campaign that’s gone wildly off the rails. but they’re on thin fucking ice.

I really appreciate that matthias is approaching this situation with exactly the same strategy with which I play skyrim, which is “sneak up on everybody one at a time even though there are a ton of them and that shouldn’t be possible, shoot them all with a bow you looted off one of them”

and now they’re just... suddenly free and back on their horses, then matthias had a vague fake deep exchange with the leader and they rode away. there literally was no reason for that entire interlude. nothing happened, there wasn’t character development or anything. this godforsaken movie could have been ten minutes shorter.

“the plot is down there, just past that greenscreen” is what I heard there.

I’m sorry I’m dying for some reason all I’m getting from this visual is “wait are you saying the panel is all the way on the other side of the convention center” like the costumes are just mediocre enough that in bright light they don’t look like they’re actually actors in a movie.

the moon’s rising. but I can’t for the life of me remember why that’s important. she’s got some kinda egyptian steampunk millennium rod though.

okay the lenses must align with the cipher. did anyone mention a cipher before who knows.

good job matthias you solved the moon puzzle and your prize is a metric ton of blue jello.

all right through the jello portal they go. to find the book of souls, probably.

in this case I actually do need more exposition. are we just not gonna explain ancient egyptian jello narnia. no. okay.

stop forcing zach mcgowan to be quippy I know all the cool movies are doing it but this is neither the time nor the place nor the actor for it.

oh my god they’re being attacked by a rock golem thing and I don’t think a screenshot can fully capture how bad the cgi is. not of the rock monster itself, but trying to integrate it with the real actors and set pieces was... oof.

okay a mostly naked woman has risen out of some nearby water and called off the rock golem with no explanation. why not.

neither of them looks into this so much as confused as hell

honestly, same.

oh god no they’re trying to make the rock golem be the comic relief this movie never needed. please don’t. you can barely handle writing the plot relevant dialogue now’s not the time to get fancy. I take it back, trying to make zach mcgowan be quippy was actually somehow not the worst option.

she IS the book of souls!

okay that’s a pretty cool visual I’ll give them that. digging the iridescent moon tattoo.

and that seems like a reasonable stopping point because I started this kind of late and have to get up for class in the morning. tune in tomorrow for, I assume, more of zach mcgowan running around in various states of undress while absolutely nothing coherent happens around him.

#tearless liveblogs #to be completely honest I'm not even sure what it is about this guy #like as you are all painfully aware I tend to lean way more toward androgyny but like #apparently I'll also take 'the concept of a panther but applied to a human being' #seriously though he cannot do the quippy marvel thing just accept that and don't try to force it